essay on why you love someone

The Top 175 Romantically Beautiful Reasons I Love You

When was the last time you took time to think about the reasons why you love someone?

After all, you know you love them.

It’s just not always easy to articulate why. At some point, though, the one you love is bound to be curious as to why you love them.

And when they ask, you want a good answer — one that’s true as well as satisfying.

To help you in this, we’ve created a reasons why I love you list.

Look through it to find the reasons that best fit your love and the unique relationship you have.

Why do I love her?

Why do i love him.

Collect all the reasons below that resonate with you. Make your own “list of things I love about you” to share with your beloved. The following work for loved ones of any gender.

1. You love me even when I find it hard to love myself.

2. Somehow you know exactly what to say to make me feel better.

3. I can’t imagine a better, more fulfilling life than the one I have with you.

4. When you’re holding my hand, I feel like I can do anything.

5. You see me as I am, and you love all of me — not just the parts that are easy to live with.

6. You accept me just as I am. And you trust me to accept and love you, too.

7. We’re both independent people. But when we’re together, we’re inseparable.

8. Every morning when I wake up and look at you, I want to be better — for both of us.

9. No one challenges me like you do, and always with love, humor, and compassion.

10. You know my limits. But you also know when I’m holding back.

11. I am most myself when I’m with you. I don’t have to pretend. It wouldn’t do me any good, anyway.

12. No one has been more supportive of me or my goals as you’ve been.

13. You instinctively know when and how to get me moving again when I stop.

14. When you set your mind on something, you blast through obstacles like a bullet train.

15. You trust me enough to share every important thing in your life.

16. Whenever I talk to you, you listen better than anyone I know.

17. You help me put things in perspective without treating me like a child.

18. You’ve never allowed anything to come between us and pull us apart.

19. I feel calmest and most at home when you’re giving me one of your hugs.

20. Even in a crowded room, whenever I hear your voice, I instantly feel calmer and happier.

21. You are doing everything you can to become a better person, for both our sakes.

22. You know exactly what needs doing, and you do it. I doubt anything could stop you.

23. When I ask for your help, you’re right there. You show up. You always do.

24. I still get butterflies when you look at me. One smile and everything else disappears.

25. I love your voice more than any sound on earth. More than that, I love the heart behind it.

26. You’re kind, encouraging, and thoughtful to everyone.

27. When I’m at my worst, you draw me closer to you instead of pushing me away.

28. You’re the first person I turn to when things go wrong — or when they go right..

29. You’re quick to forgive others and to offer help or encouragement.

30. So often, I come home feeling like a zombie. One look at you, and I feel alive again.

31. You’re always learning something new. You make me want to do the same.

32. I’m at my best when I’m with you. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.

33. You know me better than anyone, including me. You know just what I need to hear.

34. Wherever you are is home to me. Any place without you feels like a wasteland.

35. I didn’t think it was possible for anyone to love me the way you do.

36. You’ve redefined love for me — and changed everything right along with it.

37. With you, I’ve met my match. You’re the gold standard.

38. Whatever we’re doing, I’ve never enjoyed it as much as when you’re here with me.

39. Whenever I feel that I’ve failed, you remind me of what I’ve gained.

40. You made a place in your heart for everyone in my family.

41. Even when you disagree with someone, I know you still care about them.

42. We understand each other so well, we know when the other wants to leave or needs a hug.

43. We look out for each other. I know you’ll always be there for me.

44. You only make promises you can keep. And you’ve kept every promise you’ve made to me.

45. When I ask you to explain something, you do it without ever talking down to me.

46. You always swap out the wet towels for clean, dry ones when you know I’m showering after you.

47. When your plans fall apart, you roll with it. You adapt. Nothing keeps you down for long.

48. Every time I watch you, I learn something.

49. I love your curiosity and your intense concentration. And I can’t wait to see the results.

50. If I have questions, you’re happy to answer them. Your tone is never impatient.

51. Aside from your excellent taste in choosing me, I love everything about you.

52. I don’t know how you do it, but you always believe in me, even when I don’t.

53. You, more than anyone, have inspired me to reach higher and do more good in the world.

54. I can always talk to you. And I come away with a calmer mind and better understanding.

55. Your love and your wisdom make everything clearer.

56. Your whole face smiles when you do. And there’s nothing in the world I’d rather see.

57. The world feels brighter and more colorful when you laugh. It’s the best sound in the world.

58. You love me even when I’m difficult to be around. You know just what to say to get me out of my own head.

59. From the moment we met, you felt familiar to me, like we’ve always known each other.

60. You make my friends and family feel welcome when they visit.

61. You put so much thought into everything you do for me. And it shows.

62. You, more than anyone, can calm me when I’m upset and lift me up when I’m low.

63. You have a gift for bringing out the best in me.

64. You’ve helped me to know myself better and to understand what I truly want.

65. When I see what you see in me, I want to make you proud.

66. When you plan a date night , I know we’ll both have the best possible time.

67. You’ve opened my eyes to a life I never thought I could have. And I only want that if you can share it with me.

68. You care so much about my success and happiness, and it’s thanks to you we’re now able to enjoy both.

69. I’m ashamed it took me this long to learn how to listen like a friend. I learned it from you.

70. You went out and shoveled the driveway twice in the driving snow to make sure I’d be able to get my car into the garage.

71. You’re brilliant, creative, and you never give up on the things that matter to you.

72. I think about all we’ve been through together so far, and I’m amazed at how much closer we are than we were. I thought I couldn’t love you more. I was wrong.

73. I can’t think of anyone whose company and conversation I enjoy more than yours.

74. It’s gotten to the point I don’t like making big decisions without talking to you first.

75. You’ve helped me avoid costly mistakes with your good sense and quick thinking.

76. You’re the calm in every storm. You help me see through the fog of my anger, anxiety, or grief.

77. You’re the best person to have around in a crisis.

78. No one anticipates what I need better than you, whether it’s a coffee, a hug, or something else.

79. Whenever you know I’ve had a rough day, you do something to brighten it.

80. You make the darkness in the world less scary. Your smile lights up the world.

81. With you, I feel stronger and braver, even when I’m at my lowest.

82. You, better than anyone, know how to get me back on my feet when I’ve fallen.

83. I love how when a movie we’re watching starts to get scary, you reach over and take my hand.

84. You’re quick to give up your seat or your luggage cart to someone who looks like they need one.

85. You’re the most thoughtful and compassionate person I know.

86. My whole outlook changes when you take my hand. Suddenly, I feel I can get through anything.

87. You take care of me when I forget to. You’ve taught me what self-compassion is.

88. I get lost in my head sometimes, and you help me see the way out.

89. Somehow, you know when to help and when to let me do something on my own.

90. If I’m ever carrying more than you are, you’re quick to offer help and lighten my load.

91. People look up to you, and with good reason. You do everything possible to reward their trust.

92. When you know someone you care about is suffering, you make time for them.

93. Those who love you know you’ll be there when they need you.

94. You’re not afraid to share what you believe with all your heart. But you also listen better than most.

95. You care more about relationships than about being right.

96. You don’t change your beliefs depending on whom you’re with.

97. No matter how others see me, when I see the way you look at me, I feel at peace.

98. I don’t need for everyone to love me — just you. You see all of me.

99. I never feel more at peace or more alive than when I’m with you.

Final Thoughts

Now that you have your reasons, how can you share them?

Write a love note with a list of your reasons.
Use sticky notes to leave reasons where they’ll find them.
Write one of the reasons on a whiteboard or mirror.

However you share these “reasons why I love you,” be authentic. The one you love probably knows you well enough to recognize when you’re exaggerating.

And there’s no need for that. If your love is genuine, express it as only you can .

When was the last time you took time to think why you love someone? This list will help you find the best expression of your love.

1000-Word Philosophy: An Introductory Anthology

Philosophy, One Thousand Words at a Time

What Is It To Love Someone?

Author: Felipe Pereira Category: Philosophy of Sex and Gender , Ethics Word Count: 1,000

Listen here

We love our friends, our family, and our romantic partners. We love them in very different ways, though, so we might wonder what, if anything, makes all of them cases of the same thing, namely, love. What is it to love someone? [1]

1. Desiring to care for and to be with someone

A natural thing to say is that to love someone is to desire to care for and to be with them. [2]

However, desiring to care for and to be with someone doesn’t seem necessary for loving them. It’s possible to love a cranky grandfather or a smothering parent, even if you don’t want to be in their company, caring for them. [3]

Desiring to care for and to be with someone doesn’t seem sufficient for loving them either. Suppose you witness someone getting injured in an accident. You might develop the desire to care for, and to be with, the injured stranger out of benevolence or moral duty. But this doesn’t mean you love the stranger. [4]

2. Taking someone’s well-being as your own

Another idea is that to love someone is just to take their well-being as a part or an extension of your own well-being. [5] On this view, loving someone involves finding no distinction between what is in your interest and what is in theirs—finding that to benefit them just is to benefit you, and to harm them just is to harm you.

An advantage of this account is that it helps us make sense of how we tend to speak about our loved ones. We often hear people say things like, “If you’re messing with someone I love, you’re messing with me!” and “When my beloved died, I lost a part of myself.”

Yet, it’s reasonable to wonder whether this account is taking literally what people mean to say metaphorically. [6] Also, this view seems to eliminate the possibility of genuine self-sacrifice for our loved ones. How could we make sacrifices for our loved ones, if promoting their interests is just another way of promoting our own ? [7]

3. Being disposed to be affected by someone

A weaker, and perhaps more plausible, version of this idea is that to love someone is just to be disposed to be affected by changes in their well-being. [8] On this view, the well-being of a loved one is distinct from, but can causally impact, your own: e.g., if you were to witness your loved one suffering, that would cause you to suffer.

However, most of us would feel bad if we were to witness complete strangers suffering, and we don’t love complete strangers. One might argue, in reply, that although we’d feel bad watching a stranger suffering, we wouldn’t feel bad enough for that to count as “love.” But this reply raises the question of how much suffering would be enough for love. Is there a good answer to this question? Perhaps not.

4. Valuing someone

Another proposal is that to love someone is just to value them a great deal.

But how so? Your boss might value you a great deal as an employee; this wouldn’t mean they love you. So, if this account is going to get off the ground, it has to tell us more about what makes love a distinct way of valuing someone.

4.1. Valuing someone for (certain) qualities

One might say that loving someone involves valuing them for displaying qualities from a more narrow list—a list that doesn’t include qualities like “being a great employee,” but that does include qualities like “being charming,” “being witty,” “being brave,” and so on. [9]

Yet, this view has counterintuitive implications. It implies, e.g., that if you were to somehow come across a perfect clone of one of your loved ones, except slightly more charming, witty, and brave, then you would have a reason to switch your love to the clone. But this might be too fickle; it seems incompatible with the deep personal commitment we have with our loved ones. [10]

4.2. Valuing someone as a person

Some believe that every person deserves to be loved simply because they’re a person. On this view, to love someone is to fully appreciate the value of their personhood. [11] We should love everyone. We don’t do that because we’re psychologically limited: we can only appreciate so many people.

However, claiming to love someone “because they’re a person” sounds strained at best. [12] Moreover, this proposal seems to conflate love with respect—we don’t have to love someone to appreciate their worth as a person; respecting them would suffice. [13]

4.3. Valuing someone for being related to you

Another proposal is that loving someone involves valuing them for being related to you in some special way—for being, e.g., your mother, daughter, sister, friend, partner, etc. [14]

But, if loving someone amounts to valuing them because they’re related to you in a special way, then it should be impossible to love someone who isn’t related to you in any special way. [15] And yet, it does seem possible to love someone—someone who isn’t (and doesn’t want to be) your friend, relative, or romantic partner—unrequitedly. [16]

4.4. Valuing someone by bestowing value onto them

Finally, one might argue that we don’t value our loved ones because we recognize some way in which they are valuable prior to our love for them. Rather, we value them because our love makes them valuable to us. In other words, the suggestion is that to love someone is just to bestow or project value onto them. [17]

But, if our loved ones have value for us because we love them, then we can’t appeal to someone’s value to justify loving them. This means that the question, “Why am I worthy of love?” has no answer—some are uncomfortable with this implication. [18] Nor can we appeal to the fact that someone’s a genocidal maniac as a justification for not loving them—and this seems obviously false. [19]

5. Conclusion

If none of these views are satisfactory, that might be a reason to reject the assumption that there is something which all cases of love have in common. Perhaps love is undefinable. [20] Lots of things are hard (or impossible) to define, and that doesn’t mean they aren’t real or important. So we’ll continue to love, even if we don’t know exactly what we are doing or how to define it. [21]

[1] It is important to note two things about this essay. First, this essay is concerned with what it is to love someone , i.e., what it is to love a particular person . It may be interesting, however, to think about whether there is anything in common between the way we love people and the way we love things other than persons (e.g., sports teams, mementos, etc.).

Second, this essay is not concerned with whether love is a biological phenomenon, a socially constructed phenomenon, or some sort of mixture of both. For readers interested in that question, see Jenkins (2017).

[2] Several contemporary philosophers subscribe to some version of this view. E.g., Gabriele Taylor writes, “ if x loves y then x wants to benefit and be with y” (1976: 157). Alan Soble argues that “a common feature” of cases where some person x loves some other person y is that “x desires for y that which is good for y, x desires this for y’s own sake, and x pursues y’s good for y’s benefit and not for x’s” (1997: 67). Harry Frankfurt also defends the claim that, “loving something … is not merely a matter of liking it a great deal or of finding it deeply satisfying” but is rather a species of “disinterested concern for the well-being or flourishing of a beloved object.” (1998, chs. 11 and 14).

[3] Velleman (1999: 353). See also Matthes (2016) for a fascinating discussion about loving people in spite of their character defects.

[4] Helm (2009). It may be interesting to think about whether it is possible to avoid this objection by specifying the way in which one desires to care for and be with loved ones. A promising suggestion along these lines comes from Sophie Grace Chappell, who argues that love is distinct from impartial forms of benevolence because, unlike mere benevolence, love entails the desire to make a first-personal contribution to a person’s well-being. “Loving someone,” she writes, “means wanting to be constitutively involved in his well-being: it means wanting to be, myself, part of what makes life go well for him. … To straightforward benevolence towards X, it cannot matter whether it is me who brings about X’s well-being. The concern is merely that someone should. To love, by contrast, it typically does matter that it should be me” (2014: 86; her italics).

[5] Robert Solomon writes, “It is often said that to love is to give in to another person’s needs, indeed, to make them more important than one’s own. But to love is rather to take the other’s desires and needs as one’s own. This is much more than a merely grammatical point. It is a redefinition of the self itself, as a shared self” (1981: 150; his italics). Along similar lines, Roger Scruton argues that two people love each other “just so soon as reciprocity becomes community: that is, just so soon as all distinction between my interests and your interests is overcome” (2006: 230).

Many major figures in the history of philosophy have, at one point or another, suggested that to love someone is just to foster (or to desire to foster) a significant kind of union with them. One way of cashing out this “significant kind of union” is in terms of treating one’s well-being and the well-being of the loved one as two parts of the same whole, of a single unity. It is important to note, however, that philosophers have cashed out this “significant kind of union” in a variety of other ways. See, e.g, Plato’s Aristophanes ( Symposium : 189c-193e), Aristotle ( Nicomachean Ethics : IX, 9, 1170b1), Augustine ( Confessions : IV, 6), and Montaigne ( Essays : I, 28). Contemporary proponents of the union account of love include: Nozick (1989, ch. 8), Solomon (1981) and (1994), Delaney (1996), Baxter (2005), Scruton (2006, ch. 8), Westlund (2008), and Gilbert (2013, ch. 11).

[6] Several philosophers have noted that, if we take reports like “I lost a part of myself when my beloved died” and “If you’re messing with them, then you’re messing with me!” to be literally true, then we run the risk of suggesting, implausibly, that you and your loved ones are one and the same person. Also, we would risk putting love in direct tension with individual autonomy. If there is no distinction between your interests and those of your loved one’s, then whenever you make a decision about your interests, you’re also making a decision about their interests for them . Many philosophers find this result morally unpalatable. For further discussion, see Lugones (1987), Singer (1994, ch. 6), Soble (1997), Friedman (1998), and Whiting (2016: 46-8).

[7] Soble (1997: 86).

[8] Robert Nozick has gestured towards this view. He writes that, “What is common to all love is this: Your own well-being is tied up with that of someone (or something) you love. When a bad thing happens to a friend, it happens to her and you feel sad for her; when something good happens, you feel happy for her” (1989: 68). It is worth noting, however, that Nozick at times seems sympathetic to the account described in section 2 of this essay. He goes on to say, for example, that “When something bad happens to one you love, […] something bad also happens to you ” (1989: 68; his italics).

[9] It may be interesting to think about whether it is possible to determine which qualities belong to this restricted set, and which ones do not, without being arbitrary. Simon Keller attempts to accomplish this in his article, “How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count the Properties” (2000: 165-166).

[10] See Grau (2004) for an excellent discussion about the relationship between loving someone and finding them irreplaceable. Grau plausibly cashes out the irreplaceability of our loved ones in terms of their historical properties.

Some might say that to love someone is just to value them for their historical properties—e.g., for being the person with whom you went on a date in October 2016. The trouble with that proposal is that the historical properties of our loved ones don’t seem to be valuable prior to our love for them, in the way the property of “being brave” is. It seems, rather, that the historical properties of our loved ones are valuable for us because we love these people. If that’s true, then this proposal is susceptible to the same objections raised against bestowal accounts of love, discussed in section 4.4 of this essay.

[11] David Velleman, e.g., argues that when we love someone, “we are responding to the value that he possesses by virtue of being a person or, as Kant would say, an instance of rational nature” (1999: 365).

[12] Kolodny (2003: 173-79); Millgram (2004); Bagley (2015: 483-86).

[13] Velleman accepts that love and respect are both responses to the same thing, namely, someone’s value as a person. He distinguishes love from respect in terms of their effects . According to him, respect prevents us from being self-interested, while love prevents us from being emotionally defensive—that is, loving someone makes us vulnerable to experiencing emotions we wouldn’t experience towards strangers (1999: 360-61).

However, if this is the only difference between love and respect, then love would lose much of its explanatory power. To illustrate the point, imagine one of your loved ones has just lost a race. Presumably, you would feel sad or disappointed. Are there good reasons for you to have that emotional response towards your loved one but not towards some stranger who has also lost the race? The intuitive answer is that what warrants that emotional response towards your loved one (but not the stranger) is precisely the fact that you love her (and not the stranger). But, as Bennett Helm rightly notes, “this answer is unavailable to Velleman, because he thinks that what makes my response to your dignity [as a person] be that of love rather than respect is precisely that I feel such emotions, and to appeal to my love in explaining the warrant of these emotions therefore would be viciously circular” (2010: 27).

[14] Niko Kolodny, e.g., argues that “love consists (a) in seeing a relationship in which one is involved as a reason for valuing both one’s relationship and the person with whom one has that relationship, and (b) in valuing that relationship and person accordingly” (2003: 150).

[15] Stump (2006: 26-7).

[16] In most cases, when you love someone unrequitedly, they are acquainted with you. Thus, one might suggest that, in such cases, it’s possible to value your loved one for being your acquaintance. See Protasi (2016) for an excellent discussion, and critique, of this sort of response.

[17] Irving Singer, e.g., writes, “In loving persons, … people bestow value upon one another over and above their individual or objective value” (1984: 6). “Insofar as love is bestowal,” he argues, “it creates a kind of value in the beloved that goes beyond appraisal. In loving another, in attending to and delighting in that person, we make him or her valuable in a way that would not otherwise exist” (1994: 2; his italics). Harry Frankfurt, along similar lines, has claimed that, “what we love necessarily acquires value for us because we love it. (2006: 39; his italics).

[18] See Keller (2000).

[19] Many proponents of the bestowal account of love are willing to accept that love isn’t something that can (or need to) be justified. See, for instance, Singer (1984), Frankfurt (2006: 39-40), or Smuts (2015: 101-3).

[20] Ronald de Sousa explicitly defends this view. In “Love Undigitized”, he writes, “Particular loves link particular persons. There is no essence of love” (1997).

[21] See Helm (2010), Bagley (2015), and Protasi (2016), Pismenny and Prinz (2017), and Yao (2020) for some promising alternative accounts of love.

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Acknowledgments

I would like to thank Taylor Cyr, Nikki Ernst, Dan Lowe, Nathan Nobis, Sara Protasi, Parker Rose, Lemuel Tang, Travis Timmerman, and Vida Yao for their kind and attentive comments on earlier versions of this essay.

PDF Download

Download this essay in PDF.

About the Author

Felipe Pereira is a PhD student at the University of Pittsburgh. His current research interests are in ethics and moral psychology. He is co-author of “ The (Un)desirability of Immortality ” in Philosophy Compass and “ Non-Repeatable Hedonism Is False ” in Ergo , both written with Travis Timmerman. He is also the author of “ Is Immortality Desirable? ” in 1,000-Word Philosophy . felipe-pereira.weebly.com/

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How to Explain Why You Love Someone

Aubrey Freitas is a former Registered Behavioral Therapist (RBT) who has two Bachelor of Arts degrees from UCLA in Psychology and English. She is a Certified Resilience Peer through her work with the Depression Grand Challenge, and a lifelong mental health advocate.

Learn about our Editorial Policy .

Explaining to someone why you love them can be difficult; especially since love is such a nuanced and abstract concept that is nearly impossible to fully understand, let alone put into words. Scientists, poets, philosophers, songwriters, and novelists have all tried to capture the right words to describe love, yet the meaning is always evolving and love means something different to everyone. Love is an emotion that is uniquely human, and whether you're telling someone you love them for the first time or for what feels like the millionth time, you may want to explain to them exactly why you do.

At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong way to explain why you love someone , but there are some concepts to think about that may help you come up with your reasons.

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They Know How to Love You

People give and receive love differently. One reason why you may love your partner is that they know how to love you in a way that makes you feel truly understood and validated. Some ways to express this are:

You're constantly validating my feelings, which makes me feel loved.
You always make space in your week to do something special for just the two of us .
Whenever I'm feeling overwhelmed with work, you always offer to help with the dishes, which shows me you care.

They Understand Your Needs

When someone understands your needs, you feel validated. For years, research from the National Library of Medicine has found that feeling understood helps improve social connections. The person you love may understand what you need emotionally, whether that be a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to joke around with. Some ways of saying this are:

You understand that alone time is important to me, and you allow me to have space for myself when I need it.
I'm a sensitive person, and you take the time to comfort me and don't judge me for my feelings.
I like to spend time with my friends during the week, too, and you never get upset about me making plans with them.

They Help You Express Vulnerability

Many people describe their closest friends and partners as someone they can be authentically themselves around, and, according to Dr. Brene Brown, being vulnerable helps create meaningful connections. Exposing your true self to another person, and having them embrace who you are can feel amazing, especially since not many people may get to see that side of you. Ways to share these thoughts on love are:

I feel like I can always be myself around you, which isn't something I experience easily, or with most people.
You make me feel like I can talk to you about anything, and it won't make things weird and you won't judge me for it.
You're the first person I've shared all of my secrets with because I didn't feel afraid to tell you them.

They Make You Feel Safe

Your loved one may bring a sense of safety into your life, whether that be physically, emotionally, or both. Feeling a sense of security helps with building trust and intimacy in a relationship, according to the National Library of Medicine. Some phrases you may resonate with:

Whenever I'm with you, I know that I am in a safe space.
I feel like all of my anxiety and worries turn off when we are together.
It feels like nothing bad can happen when we are together because we have each other.

They Share Your Values

Having shared values with a loved one not only shows that your minds and hearts are on the same wavelength, but it can create another layer of security. Your shared values may also show that you have the same goals for the future. It can be wonderful to meet someone who has the same interests as you do, especially if you never thought you would find a person to share certain aspects of your life with. This can be expressed as:

It feels amazing to know someone that has the same interests as I do, and that we both find value in doing the same kinds of things.
I never thought I would find someone that cares about the exact same things as I do.
Knowing that we care about the same things makes me feel validated and comforted.

They Help You See Yourself

Receiving love and validation from the person you care about can help you understand that you are deserving of those things. Having a supportive partner can have a positive effect on your well-being . Your loved one may be able to reflect your qualities back towards you, and help you see yourself through their eyes. Some ways to express this are:

You make me feel like I am worthy of love and support.
You've helped me realize my strengths and good qualities, which I struggled to see/appreciate before.
I feel validated when you help me recognize the good in myself.

They Make You Feel Good

Your loved one may make you feel accepted, powerful, capable, and happy. They may push you to lengths beyond your comfort zone, challenge you in more ways than one, or make you want to be the best person you can be. When someone makes you feel good, it's natural to appreciate them and want to be around them often. Some words to use are:

You make me feel like I can be the person I've always wanted to be.
You inspire me to get out of my own way and push myself into exploring things I only dreamed about.
You make me feel like I am taking steps every day towards being a better person.

They Help You Feel Connected

Feeling connected to each other is important in any relationship, and the person you love may be your best friend or feel like someone you have known for your entire life. Feeling socially supported is linked to having increased mental and physical health, which means that feeling connected to your partner is beneficial in numerous ways. Sometimes, people just click and seem to fit together in a way that is nearly perfect. Ways to describe this are:

You make me feel like I have found somebody that I want to stay connected to forever.
I feel like you really know me, and that I really know you, in ways that I haven't experienced before.
I feel like I have known you forever, and that we really get each other.

They Have Amazing Qualities

There is most likely a mountain of things that you like about your partner. Of course, you think they're attractive in all the right ways, and you may love the way a dimple pops up when they laugh, or that they prefer to make homemade lemonade. You may even love their morning breath, simply because it's theirs. People are a sum of many different parts, and some ways to explain this are:

You're the greatest person I've ever met for every reason, in every way.
You are a kind, smart, and loving person, and it feels amazing to be around you.
There are so many things about you that are unique, and I want to keep learning more.

Finding the Right Words May Take Time

Know that it's okay if you don't have the words to explain why you love someone . Talk to the person you love about it and explain that it's difficult for you to put the concept and your internal feelings into words . If it's important to them that they know your explanation, tell them that you need more time, and ensure them that you will return to the conversation again in the future.

Professing Your Love

You may know that you are in love with someone, but it can be a daunting task to explain why you love them . Love is intangible and varies widely from person to person and relationship to relationship, which can make it a hard thing to pin down into a simple explanation. Thinking about what love means to you, and how the person you love relates to that concept, may help you better understand the love in your relationship, and may even help you find the words to explain it. For a look at the other side, get tips on what to say when someone says I love you .

Before You Write a Love Essay, Read This to Get Examples

The day will come when you can’t escape the fate of all students: You will have to write a what is love essay.

No worries:

Here you’ll find tons of love essay topics and examples. No time to read everything? Scroll down to get a free PDF with original samples.

Definition: Essay on Love

First, let’s define what is love essay?

The most common topics are:

Definition of love
What is love?
Meaning of love

Why limit yourself to these hackneyed, general themes? Below, I’ll show how to make your paper on love original yet relevant to the prompt you get from teachers.

Love Essay Topics: 20 Ideas to Choose for Your Paper

Your essay on love and relationship doesn’t have to be super official and unemotional. It’s ok to share reflections and personal opinions when writing about romance.

Often, students get a general task to write an essay on love. It means they can choose a theme and a title for their paper. If that’s your case, feel free to try any of these love essay topics:

Exploring the impact of love on individuals and relationships.
Love in the digital age: Navigating romance in a tech world.
Is there any essence and significance in unconditional love?
Love as a universal language: Connecting hearts across cultures.
Biochemistry of love: Exploring the process.
Love vs. passion vs. obsession.
How love helps cope with heartbreak and grief.
The art of loving. How we breed intimacy and trust.
The science behind attraction and attachment.
How love and relationships shape our identity and help with self-discovery.
Love and vulnerability: How to embrace emotional openness.
Romance is more complex than most think: Passion, intimacy, and commitment explained.
Love as empathy: Building sympathetic connections in a cruel world.
Evolution of love. How people described it throughout history.
The role of love in mental and emotional well-being.
Love as a tool to look and find purpose in life.
Welcoming diversity in relations through love and acceptance.
Love vs. friendship: The intersection of platonic and romantic bonds.
The choices we make and challenges we overcome for those we love.
Love and forgiveness: How its power heals wounds and strengthens bonds.

Love Essay Examples: Choose Your Sample for Inspiration

Essays about love are usually standard, 5-paragraph papers students write in college:

One paragraph is for an introduction, with a hook and a thesis statement
Three are for a body, with arguments or descriptions
One last passage is for a conclusion, with a thesis restatement and final thoughts

Below are the ready-made samples to consider. They’ll help you see what an essay about love with an introduction, body, and conclusion looks like.

What is love essay: 250 words

Lao Tzu once said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Indeed, love can transform individuals, relationships, and our world.

A word of immense depth and countless interpretations, love has always fascinated philosophers, poets, and ordinary individuals. This emotion breaks boundaries and has a super power to change lives. But what is love, actually?

It’s a force we feel in countless ways. It is the warm embrace of a parent, filled with care and unwavering support. It is the gentle touch of a lover, sparking a flame that ignites passion and desire. Love is the kind words of a friend, offering solace and understanding in times of need. It is the selfless acts of compassion and empathy that bind humanity together.

Love is not confined to romantic relationships alone. It is found in the family bonds, the connections we forge with friends, and even the compassion we extend to strangers. Love is a thread that weaves through the fabric of our lives, enriching and nourishing our souls.

However, love is not without its complexities. It can be both euphoric and agonizing, uplifting and devastating. Love requires vulnerability, trust, and the willingness to embrace joy and pain. It is a delicate balance between passion and compassion, independence and interdependence.

Finally, the essence of love may be elusive to define with mere words. It is an experience that surpasses language and logic, encompassing a spectrum of emotions and actions. Love is a profound connection that unites us all, reminding us of our shared humanity and the capacity for boundless compassion.

What is love essay: 500 words

A 500-word essay on why I love you

Trying to encapsulate why I love you in a mere 500 words is impossible. My love for you goes beyond the confines of language, transcending words and dwelling in the realm of emotions, connections, and shared experiences. Nevertheless, I shall endeavor to express the depth and breadth of my affection for you.

First and foremost, I love you for who you are. You possess a unique blend of qualities and characteristics that captivate my heart and mind. Your kindness and compassion touch the lives of those around you, and I am grateful to be the recipient of your unwavering care and understanding. Your intelligence and wit constantly challenge me to grow and learn, stimulating my mind and enriching our conversations. You have a beautiful spirit that radiates warmth and joy, and I am drawn to your vibrant energy.

I love the way you make me feel. When I am with you, I feel a sense of comfort and security that allows me to be my true self. Your presence envelops me in a cocoon of love and acceptance, where I can express my thoughts, fears, and dreams without fear of judgment. Your support and encouragement inspire me to pursue my passions and overcome obstacles. With you by my side, I feel empowered to face the world, knowing I have a partner who believes in me.

I love the memories we have created together. From the laughter-filled moments of shared adventures to the quiet and intimate conversations, every memory is etched in my heart. Whether exploring new places, indulging in our favorite activities, or simply enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence, each experience reinforces our bond. Our shared memories serve as a foundation for our relationship, a testament to the depth of our connection and the love that binds us.

I love your quirks and imperfections. Your true essence shines through these unique aspects! Your little traits make me smile and remind me of the beautiful individual you are. I love how you wrinkle your nose when you laugh, become lost in thought when reading a book, and even sing off-key in the shower. These imperfections make you human, relatable, and utterly lovable.

I love the future we envision together. We support each other’s goals, cheering one another on as we navigate the path toward our dreams. The thought of building a life together, creating a home filled with love and shared experiences, fills my heart with anticipation and excitement. The future we imagine is one that I am eager to explore with you by my side.

In conclusion, the reasons why I love you are as vast and varied as the universe itself. It is a love that defies logic and surpasses the limitations of language. From the depths of my being, I love you for the person you are, the way you make me feel, the memories we cherish, your quirks and imperfections, and the future we envision together. My love for you is boundless, unconditional, and everlasting.

A 5-paragraph essay about love

I’ve gathered all the samples (and a few bonus ones) in one PDF. It’s free to download. So, you can keep it at hand when the time comes to write a love essay.

Ready to Write Your Essay About Love?

Now that you know the definition of a love essay and have many topic ideas, it’s time to write your A-worthy paper! Here go the steps:

Check all the examples of what is love essay from this post.
Choose the topic and angle that fits your prompt best.
Write your original and inspiring story.

Any questions left? Our writers are all ears. Please don’t hesitate to ask!

Essay samples
Essay writing
Writing tips

How to Write 100 Reasons Why You Love Someone

Last Updated: December 29, 2022

wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, 29 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. This article has been viewed 307,400 times. Learn more...

This is a romantic and creative way to tell your true love how he or she is special to you. It may take only a few hours, but could take weeks, or even longer, but in the end, you may even surprise yourself with what you learn!

Sample Reasons

Writing 100 Reasons Why You Love Someone

Her hair is soft and smells sweet.
Her lips are full and sensuous.
She has a full, womanly figure. (Which may be broken down even further.)
She has lovely, iridescent blue eyes.
Her smile can light up a room.

Step 5 When the special person is around, look thoughtfully at them, taking note of anything that gives you a warm, tender feeling.

Community Q&A

If you don't have time to write 100 reasons, or you can't think of 100 reasons, cut it down. Make it something like 20, 50, or 75. Thanks Helpful 4 Not Helpful 3
Keep the list in the back of your mind while doing other things. You never know when a thought will occur to you. Thanks Helpful 3 Not Helpful 0
Don't let the "significant other" see the list unless you are sure it is thorough and complete. They may feel offended if some quality they consider important is left out. Thanks Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0

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Essays About Love: 20 Intriguing Ideas for Students

Love can make a fascinating essay topic, but sometimes finding the perfect topic idea is challenging. Here are 20 of the best essays about love.

Writers have often explored the subject of love and what it means throughout history. In his book Essays in Love , Alain de Botton creates an in-depth essay on what love looks like, exploring a fictional couple’s relationship while highlighting many facts about love. This book shows how much there is to say about love as it beautifully merges non-fiction with fiction work.

The New York Times published an entire column dedicated to essays on modern love, and many prize-winning reporters often contribute to the collection. With so many published works available, the subject of love has much to be explored.

If you are going to write an essay about love and its effects, you will need a winning topic idea. Here are the top 20 topic ideas for essays about love. These topics will give you plenty to think about and explore as you take a stab at the subject that has stumped philosophers, writers, and poets since the dawn of time.

For help with your essays, check out our round-up of the best essay checkers .

1. Outline the Definition of Love

2. describe your favorite love story, 3. what true love looks like, 4. discuss how human beings are hard-wired for love, 5. explore the different types of love, 6. determine the true meaning of love, 7. discuss the power of love, 8. do soul mates exist, 9. determine if all relationships should experience a break-up, 10. does love at first sight exist, 11. explore love between parents and children, 12. discuss the disadvantages of love, 13. ask if love is blind, 14. discuss the chemical changes that love causes, 15. outline the ethics of love, 16. the inevitability of heartbreak, 17. the role of love in a particular genre of literature, 18. is love freeing or oppressing, 19. does love make people do foolish things, 20. explore the theme of love from your favorite book or movie.

Defining love may not be as easy as you think. While it seems simple, love is an abstract concept with multiple potential meanings. Exploring these meanings and then creating your own definition of love can make an engaging essay topic.

To do this, first, consider the various conventional definitions of love. Then, compare and contrast them until you come up with your own definition of love.

One essay about love you could tackle is describing and analyzing a favorite love story. This story could be from a fiction tale or real life. It could even be your love story.

As you analyze and explain the love story, talk about the highs and lows of love. Showcase the hard and great parts of this love story, then end the essay by talking about what real love looks like (outside the flowers and chocolates).

Essays About Love: What true love looks like?

This essay will explore what true love looks like. With this essay idea, you could contrast true love with the romantic love often shown in movies. This contrast would help the reader see how true love looks in real life.

An essay about what true love looks like could allow you to explore this kind of love in many different facets. It would allow you to discuss whether or not someone is, in fact, in true love. You could demonstrate why saying “I love you” is not enough through the essay.

There seems to be something ingrained in human nature to seek love. This fact could make an interesting essay on love and its meaning, allowing you to explore why this might be and how it plays out in human relationships.

Because humans seem to gravitate toward committed relationships, you could argue that we are hard-wired for love. But, again, this is an essay option that has room for growth as you develop your thoughts.

There are many different types of love. For example, while you can have romantic love between a couple, you may also have family love among family members and love between friends. Each of these types of love has a different expression, which could lend itself well to an interesting essay topic.

Writing an essay that compares and contrasts the different types of love would allow you to delve more deeply into the concept of love and what makes up a loving relationship.

What does love mean? This question is not as easy to answer as you might think. However, this essay topic could give you quite a bit of room to develop your ideas about love.

While exploring this essay topic, you may discover that love means different things to different people. For some, love is about how someone makes another person feel. To others, it is about actions performed. By exploring this in an essay, you can attempt to define love for your readers.

What can love make people do? This question could lend itself well to an essay topic. The power of love is quite intense, and it can make people do things they never thought they could or would do.

With this love essay, you could look at historical examples of love, fiction stories about love relationships, or your own life story and what love had the power to do. Then, at the end of your essay, you can determine how powerful love is.

The idea of a soul mate is someone who you are destined to be with and love above all others. This essay topic would allow you to explore whether or not each individual has a soul mate.

If you determine that they do, you could further discuss how you would identify that soul mate. How can you tell when you have found “the one” right for you? Expanding on this idea could create a very interesting and unique essay.

Essays About Love: Determine if all relationships should experience a break-up

Break-ups seem inevitable, and strong relationships often come back together afterward. Yet are break-ups truly inevitable? Or are they necessary to create a strong bond? This idea could turn into a fascinating essay topic if you look at both sides of the argument.

On the one hand, you could argue that the break-up experience shows you whether or not your relationship can weather difficult times. On the other hand, you could argue that breaking up damages the trust you’re working to build. Regardless of your conclusion, you can build a solid essay off of this topic idea.

Love, at first sight is a common theme in romance stories, but is it possible? Explore this idea in your essay. You will likely find that love, at first sight, is nothing more than infatuation, not genuine love.

Yet you may discover that sometimes, love, at first sight, does happen. So, determine in your essay how you can differentiate between love and infatuation if it happens to you. Then, conclude with your take on love at first sight and if you think it is possible.

The love between a parent and child is much different than the love between a pair of lovers. This type of love is one-sided, with care and self-sacrifice on the parent’s side. However, the child’s love is often unconditional.

Exploring this dynamic, especially when contrasting parental love with romantic love, provides a compelling essay topic. You would have the opportunity to define this type of love and explore what it looks like in day-to-day life.

Most people want to fall in love and enjoy a loving relationship, but does love have a downside? In an essay, you can explore the disadvantages of love and show how even one of life’s greatest gifts is not without its challenges.

This essay would require you to dig deep and find the potential downsides of love. However, if you give it a little thought, you should be able to discuss several. Finally, end the essay by telling the reader whether or not love is worth it despite the many challenges.

Love is blind is a popular phrase that indicates love allows someone not to see another person’s faults. But is love blind, or is it simply a metaphor that indicates the ability to overlook issues when love is at the helm.

If you think more deeply about this quote, you will probably determine that love is not blind. Rather, love for someone can overshadow their character flaws and shortcomings. When love is strong, these things fall by the wayside. Discuss this in your essay, and draw your own conclusion to decide if love is blind.

When someone falls in love, their body feels specific hormonal and chemical changes. These changes make it easier to want to spend time with the person. Yet they can be fascinating to study, and you could ask whether or not love is just chemical reactions or something more.

Grab a science book or two and see if you can explore these physiological changes from love. From the additional sweating to the flushing of the face, you will find quite a few chemical changes that happen when someone is in love.

Love feels like a positive emotion that does not have many ethical concerns, but this is not true. Several ethical questions come from the world of love. Exploring these would make for an interesting and thoughtful essay.

For example, you could discuss if it is ethically acceptable to love an object or even oneself or love other people. You could discuss if it is appropriate to enter into a physical relationship if there is no love present or if love needs to come first. There are many questions to explore with this love essay.

If you choose to love someone, is heartbreak inevitable? This question could create a lengthy essay. However, some would argue that it is because either your object of affection will eventually leave you through a break-up or death.

Yet do these actions have to cause heartbreak, or are they simply part of the process? Again, this question lends itself well to an essay because it has many aspects and opinions to explore.

Literature is full of stories of love. You could choose a genre, like mythology or science fiction, and explore the role of love in that particular genre. With this essay topic, you may find many instances where love is a vital central theme of the work.

Keep in mind that in some genres, like myths, love becomes a driving force in the plot, while in others, like historical fiction, it may simply be a background part of the story. Therefore, the type of literature you choose for this essay would significantly impact the way your essay develops.

Most people want to fall in love, but is love freeing or oppressing? The answer may depend on who your loved ones are. Love should free individuals to authentically be who they are, not tie them into something they are not.

Yet there is a side of love that can be viewed as oppressive, deepening on your viewpoint. For example, you should stay committed to just that individual when you are in a committed relationship with someone else. Is this freeing or oppressive? Gather opinions through research and compare the answers for a compelling essay.

You can easily find stories of people that did foolish things for love. These stories could translate into interesting and engaging essays. You could conclude the answer to whether or not love makes people do foolish things.

Your answer will depend on your research, but chances are you will find that, yes, love makes people foolish at times. Then you could use your essay to discuss whether or not it is still reasonable to think that falling in love is a good thing, although it makes people act foolishly at times.

Most fiction works have love in them in some way. This may not be romantic love, but you will likely find characters who love something or someone.

Use that fact to create an essay. Pick your favorite story, either through film or written works, and explore what love looks like in that work. Discuss the character development, storyline, and themes and show how love is used to create compelling storylines.

If you are interested in learning more, check out our essay writing tips !

Bryan Collins is the owner of Become a Writer Today. He's an author from Ireland who helps writers build authority and earn a living from their creative work. He's also a former Forbes columnist and his work has appeared in publications like Lifehacker and Fast Company.

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How Do You Know You're Feeling Love for Someone?

Is Love Influenced By Biology or Culture?

How to show love to another person.

Tips for Cultivating

Negative Emotions Associated With Love

Take the love quiz.

When it comes to love, some people would say it is one of the most important human emotions . Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust.

Many say it's not an emotion in the way we typically understand them, but an essential physiological drive.

Love is a physiological motivation such as hunger, thirst, sleep, and sex drive.

There are countless songs, books, poems, and other works of art about love (you probably have one in mind as we speak!). Yet despite being one of the most studied behaviors, it is still the least understood. For example, researchers debate whether love is a biological or cultural phenomenon.

How Do You Know You're Feeling Love for Someone?

What are some of the signs of love? Researchers have made distinctions between feelings of liking and loving another person.

Zick Rubin's Scales of Liking and Loving

According to psychologist Zick Rubin, romantic love is made up of three elements:

Attachment : Needing to be with another person and desiring physical contact and approval
Caring : Valuing the other person's happiness and needs as much as your own
Intimacy : Sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires with the other person

Based on this view of romantic love, Rubin developed two questionnaires to measure these variables, known as Rubin's Scales of Liking and Loving . While people tend to view people they like as pleasant, love is marked by being devoted, possessive, and confiding in one another.

Are There Different Types of Love?

Yup—not all forms of love are the same, and psychologists have identified a number of different types of love that people may experience.

These types of love include:

Friendship : This type of love involves liking someone and sharing a certain degree of intimacy.
Infatuation : This form of love often involves intense feelings of attraction without a sense of commitment; it often takes place early in a relationship and may deepen into a more lasting love.
Passionate love : This type of love is marked by intense feelings of longing and attraction; it often involves an idealization of the other person and a need to maintain constant physical closeness.
Compassionate/companionate love : This form of love is marked by trust, affection, intimacy, and commitment.
Unrequited love : This form of love happens when one person loves another who does not return those feelings.

Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love

Specifically, psychologist Robert Sternberg developed his well-regarded triangular theory of love in the early 1980s. Much research has built upon his work and demonstrated its universality across cultures.

Sternberg broke love into three components—intimacy, passion, and commitment—that interact to produce seven types of love .

Love is most likely influenced by both biology and culture. Although hormones and biology are important, the way we express and experience love is also influenced by our own conceptions of love.

Some researchers suggest that love is a basic human emotion just like happiness or anger, while others believe that it is a cultural phenomenon that arises partly due to social pressures and expectations.

Research has found that romantic love exists in all cultures, which suggests that love has a strong biological component. It is a part of human nature to seek out and find love. However, culture can significantly affect how individuals think about, experience, and display romantic love.

Is Love an Emotion?

Psychologists, sociologists, and researchers disagree somewhat on the characterization of love. Many say it's not an emotion in the way we typically understand them, but an essential physiological drive. On the other hand, the American Psychological Association defines it as "a complex emotion." Still, others draw a distinction between primary and secondary emotions and put love in the latter category, maintaining that it derives from a mix of primary emotions.

There is no single way to practice love. Every relationship is unique, and each person brings their own history and needs. Some things that you can do to show love to the people you care about include:

Be willing to be vulnerable.
Be willing to forgive.
Do your best, and be willing to apologize when you make mistakes.
Let them know that you care.
Listen to what they have to say.
Prioritize spending time with the other person.
Reciprocate loving gestures and acts of kindness.
Recognize and acknowledge their good qualities.
Share things about yourself.
Show affection.
Make it unconditional.

How Love Impacts Your Mental Health

Love, attachment, and affection have an important impact on well-being and quality of life. Loving relationships have been linked to:

Lower risk of heart disease
Decreased risk of dying after a heart attack
Better health habits
Increased longevity
Lower stress levels
Less depression
Lower risk of diabetes

Tips for Cultivating Love

Lasting relationships are marked by deep levels of trust, commitment, and intimacy. Some things that you can do to help cultivate loving relationships include:

Try loving-kindness meditation. Loving-kindness meditation (LKM) is a technique often used to promote self-acceptance and reduce stress, but it has also been shown to promote a variety of positive emotions and improve interpersonal relationships. LKM involves meditating while thinking about a person you love or care about, concentrating on warm feelings and your desire for their well-being and happiness.
Communicate. Everyone's needs are different. The best way to ensure that your needs and your loved one's needs are met is to talk about them. Helping another person feel loved involves communicating that love to them through words and deeds. Some ways to do this include showing that you care, making them feel special, telling them they are loved , and doing things for them.
Tackle conflict in a healthy way . Never arguing is not necessarily a sign of a healthy relationship—more often than not, it means that people are avoiding an issue rather than discussing it. Rather than avoid conflict, focus on hashing out issues in ways that are healthy in order to move a relationship forward in a positive way.

As Shakespeare said, the course of love never did run smooth. Love can vary in intensity and can change over time. It is associated with a range of positive emotions, including happiness, excitement, life satisfaction, and euphoria, but it can also result in negative emotions such as jealousy and stress.

No relationship is perfect, so there will always be problems, conflicts, misunderstandings, and disappointments that can lead to distress or heartbreak.

Some of the potential pitfalls of experiencing love include:

Increased stress
Obsessiveness
Possessiveness

While people are bound to experience some negative emotions associated with love, it can become problematic if those negative feelings outweigh the positive or if they start to interfere with either person's ability to function normally. Relationship counseling can be helpful in situations where couples need help coping with miscommunication, stress, or emotional issues.

History of Love

Only fairly recently has love become the subject of science. In the past, the study of love was left to "the creative writer to depict for us the necessary conditions for loving," according to Sigmund Freud . "In consequence, it becomes inevitable that science should concern herself with the same materials whose treatment by artists has given enjoyment to mankind for thousands of years," he added.

Research on love has grown tremendously since Freud's remarks. But early explorations into the nature and reasons for love drew considerable criticism. During the 1970s, U.S. Senator William Proxmire railed against researchers who were studying love and derided the work as a waste of taxpayer dollars.

Despite early resistance, research has revealed the importance of love in both child development and adult health.

Our fast and free love quiz can help you determine if what you've got is the real deal or simply a temporary fling or infatuation.

Burunat E. Love is not an emotion . Psychology . 2016;07(14):1883. doi:10.4236/psych.2016.714173

Karandashev V. A Cultural Perspective on Romantic Love . ORPC. 2015;5(4):1-21. doi:10.9707/2307-0919.1135

Rubin Z. Lovers and Other Strangers: The Development of Intimacy in Encounters and Relationships: Experimental studies of self-disclosure between strangers at bus stops and in airport departure lounges can provide clues about the development of intimate relationships . American Scientist. 1974;62(2):182-190.

Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW. Regulation of Romantic Love Feelings: Preconceptions, Strategies, and Feasibility . PLoS One . 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087

Sorokowski P, Sorokowska A, Karwowski M, et al. Universality of the triangular theory of love: adaptation and psychometric properties of the triangular love scale in 25 countries . J Sex Res . 2021;58(1):106-115. doi:10.1080/00224499.2020.1787318

American Psychological Association. APA Dictionary of Psychology .

Wong CW, Kwok CS, Narain A, et al. Marital status and risk of cardiovascular diseases: a systematic review and meta-analysis . Heart . 2018;104(23):1937‐1948. doi:10.1136/heartjnl-2018-313005

Robards J, Evandrou M, Falkingham J, Vlachantoni A. Marital status, health and mortality . Maturitas . 2012;73(4):295‐299. doi:10.1016/j.maturitas.2012.08.007

Teo AR, Choi H, Valenstein M. Social Relationships and Depression: Ten-Year Follow-Up from a Nationally Representative Study . PLoS One . 2013;8(4):e62396. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0062396

Roberson PNE, Fincham F. Is relationship quality linked to diabetes risk and management?: It depends on what you look at . Fam Syst Health. 2018;36(3):315-326. doi:10.1037/fsh0000336

He X, Shi W, Han X, Wang N, Zhang N, Wang X. The interventional effects of loving-kindness meditation on positive emotions and interpersonal interactions . Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat . 2015;11:1273‐1277. doi:10.2147/NDT.S79607

Freud S. The Freud Reader . New York: W. W. Norton & Company; 1995.

Winston R, Chicot R. The importance of early bonding on the long-term mental health and resilience of children . London J Prim Care (Abingdon). 2016;8(1):12-14. doi:10.1080/17571472.2015.1133012

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

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The Oxford Handbook of the Philosophy of Love

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Love, Value, and Reasons

Department of Philosophy, Indiana University

Adam Leite is Professor of Philosophy and Chair of the Department of Philosophy at Indiana University Bloomington. His interests particularly include epistemology, philosophical psychology, and psychoanalysis. He is also a psychotherapist and a candidate in clinical psychoanalysis at the Chicago Psychoanalytic Institute.

Published: 10 July 2018
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It is a familiar thought that in friendship and romance, people’s good qualities are reasons for loving them. This chapter clarifies the kinds of reasons—and the forms of reasons-responsiveness and evaluation—at issue. It offers a new model for understanding love as a form of valuing. On this model, love is both a response to reasons and a source of reasons, and the two sets of reasons are complementary parts of a single coherent, interlocking package. On this basis the chapter answers various standard objections alleging that the “qualities view” fails to tie us adequately to our loved ones. Love in friendship and romantic contexts is revealed to be a matter of character in many respects. Some of our most fundamental values are manifested in whom we love, why, and how. Small wonder loving is so important to our sense of ourselves as individuals.

Titania : And thy fair virtue’s force perforce doth move me On the first view to say, to swear, I love thee. Bottom : Methinks, mistress, you should have little reason for that: and yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together now-a-days; the more the pity that some honest neighbours will not make them friends. —Shakespeare, Midsummer’s Night’s Dream

The thought that there can be reasons for love, and that a person’s love can be evaluated in relation to those reasons, is familiar in both literature and ordinary life. Ask someone why they love a dear friend and you will hear such things as that he is kind and thoughtful. Want to comfort someone in the aftermath of an acrimonious breakup? List the former amour’s bad interpersonal qualities. Be cautious, however, if the person is still in love. Lovers, not wanting their good sense challenged, do not easily bear criticism of their beloveds. In these ways and many others, it looks as though there are indeed reasons for (and against) love in friendship and romance, reasons that lie in the good or bad qualities of the beloved.

Many philosophers think otherwise. Some deny that there are reasons for love and that love is ever justified or unjustified. 1 This is known as the “no-reasons” view. Others grant that there are reasons for love—the “reasons view”—but deny the so-called “qualities view,” according to which people’s good qualities provide such reasons. These philosophers instead argue, for instance, that the capacity for practical reason, 2 or the relationship between the lover and beloved, 3 is what justifies love.

These alternatives are partly motivated by the thought that there are insurmountable objections to the view that people’s good qualities provide reasons for loving them. Setiya summarizes the usual objections thus:

If you have qualities that are reasons for me to love you, and that justify my love, does it follow that anyone who is aware of these qualities should love you, too? (The problem of universality.) That I should love anyone who has these qualities? (The problem of promiscuity.) That if someone else has more of these qualities, I should love her instead, or more? (The problem of trading up.) That if you lose these qualities, I should stop loving you? (The problem of inconstancy.) None of these implications seems right. It is therefore tempting to reject the picture of love as a rational response to reasons, which are distinctive virtues of the person you love. 4

The fundamental concern here is that every version of the “qualities view” will fail to properly capture the distinctive tie between lover and beloved. Underlying this concern, we contend, is a misunderstanding of the nature of love as a form of valuing. The debate needs to be reframed. We begin (section 1 ) by considering what, exactly, it means to talk of “reasons” for love, clarifying both what kinds of reasons these might be and what forms of reasons-responsiveness and criticizability are at issue. In section 2 , we offer a new model for understanding love as a form of valuing. On this model love is both a response to reasons and a source of reasons, and the two sets of reasons are complementary parts of a single recognizable package. We then turn (section 3 ) to the standard objections about the ways in which the “qualities view” ties us to our loved ones. Both the reasons for loving and the reasons love generates are relevant here, and the model of love as a form of valuing allows us to see why.

1. On Reasons Talk

Talk of reasons appears at two points in recent theorizing about love. Reasons for love would be reasons that favor loving a particular person. Reasons of love, by contrast, are reasons that one gains by loving. Their force arises from love. Our aim in this section is to flesh out the claim that there are reasons for love. We begin with several clarificatory points. We then turn to the structural features of the relevant reasons, the sense in which love can be responsive to reasons, and the question of whether (and in what sense) people can be criticized for loving for bad reasons.

The claim that there are reasons for love is fundamentally a claim about appropriateness and justifying grounds . This claim has two parts. First, in certain contexts certain forms of love are made appropriate by certain considerations about the beloved. Second, these considerations can appropriately function for the lover as grounds for loving. On both counts, the crucial question is whether the person’s love is appropriate or rather defective and deficient, simply qua love . This is the language we speak, for instance, when we recognize someone’s love as shallow, immature, capricious, self-involved, blinkered, obsessive, misplaced .

When reasons talk is thus understood, an important possibility opens up. Different forms of love may be appropriate in different relational contexts. For instance, there’s love in friendship and romantic contexts, parental love, sibling love, and self-love. The justificatory questions and standards of appropriateness might differ in each of these cases. This calls into question the common practice in the philosophical literature of generalizing about reasons for love tout court. In what follows, we focus only on love in friendship and romantic contexts.

We argue elsewhere that love in these contexts is best understood as a reactive attitude: a particular form of positive affective and evaluative interpersonal response to a person on account of what Strawson calls “good will.” 5 More specifically, it is a proper response, in certain interpersonal contexts, to good character traits that make the beloved well suited for intimate relationships. 6 Love in romantic and friendship contexts is thereby a distinctive form of valuing. It is, as we would now put it, a particular sort of valuing orientation toward a particular person. The basic idea (elucidated in section II) is that a valuing orientation is a way of valuing something. It involves not only evaluative judgments but also a distinctive set of interpenetrating affective, desiderative, reflective, perceptive, and motivational responses and dispositions. In the case of love, these relate lover to beloved in particular ways, including concern for the beloved’s well-being for the beloved’s own sake, defeasible dispositions to seek out and take pleasure in the beloved’s company, and various emotional dispositions. Central in all this is the fact that love is a form of affectionate attachment. The valuing orientation constitutive of love is thus not reducible to such things as volitional structures, 7 or a “generous attention” to the beloved. 8 These alone do not capture the dense complexity involved in the particular mode of valuing that is romantic and friendship love.

So conceived, it is a matter of character both who one loves as friend or romantic partner, and how one loves. One’s character is inevitably implicated here in one’s conscious commitments, unarticulated valuing tendencies, and patterns of emotional and desiring response concerning what one responds to as valuable, in what ways, and how. 9

That is the big picture. We turn now to the formal features of the reasons for love.

Sometimes there are requiring reasons for adopting a particular attitude. These are often defeasible; they are reasons which require that one adopt the attitude unless defeating conditions are met. In other cases, reasons for an attitude count in its favor in the sense of warranting its adoption, not requiring it. These are warranting reasons . Warrant is more than mere permissibility. To say that something is permissible is only to say it is not forbidden. Warranting reasons provide significantly more: they justify adopting the attitude. For example, being cut off in traffic warrants being irritated—the attitude is not merely permissible but also justified insofar as there are adequate reasons in its favor. But if I am not in fact irritated, no special justifying explanation is needed. The attitude was warranted, but not defeasibly required, so no defeating explanation for why I am not irritated is called for. 10

Reasons for romantic and friendship love, if there are such, are only warranting. People who think that, all else equal, other people are required to love them on account of their good traits (or anything else) have not yet learned something fundamental: however deeply craved, romantic and friendship love are not obligatory.

It is sometimes worried that if the reasons for love are merely warranting, then there can be a puzzling explanatory gap between the reasons and one’s response, since one might love one person but not another even though they share the same good traits. What makes the difference here need not be some further justifying reason, however. Rather, contingent psychological factors of preference, taste, and the like can do the needed work. Imagine a happy couple of many years. One of them says, “What first drew me to you was your sleek blond hair.” “It’s not blond anymore!”, the other fondly replies. Blond hair is no reason to love someone, and the first lover might never have treated it as if it were—for example, the question, “Should I continue to love?”, might never have occurred to her as her beloved’s hair grayed. Still, it might be true that she was initially drawn to her beloved’s hair and that this primed her to respond with certain kinds of interest as they got to know each other. Other matters of preference, taste, and the like can play similar roles more generally: they can help explain why we come to love some people and not others, without providing additional justifying reasons.

A final key structural feature of reasons for love on our account is agent-relativity . Compare: one person’s doing something nasty to another person is a reason for the latter person, but not just anyone, to resent the first. We have urged that reasons for love are similar: people’s good traits provide reasons for love for those people to whom those traits have been manifested in appropriate relational contexts. 11 On this view, people’s good qualities provide reasons for love only for those in appropriate relationships with them; it is the good qualities that provide the reasons for love, but they do so only for individuals in certain relational contexts and only for certain modes of loving. For instance, it is inappropriate for an adult to form, not just a crush, but a full-fledged romantic love-attachment on a complete stranger. It is likewise inappropriate to love one’s children’s friends in the way one’s children do. Agent-relativity provides a simple explanation for such points. 12

Talk of agent-relative warranting reasons for love presumes that love can be, in some sense, responsive to reasons. However, the point should not be exaggerated. There could be reasons for love even if most people do not love for good reasons. There might be reasons for love even if love is not under the control of the will or under the direct and immediate control of judgment. One can love a particular person even while admitting that one has no good reason to do so; this phenomenon no more shows that there are never reasons for love than admitting to inappropriate anger shows that there are never reasons for anger. The reasons view does not even require that love should be under the direct and immediate control of will or judgment. 13

Instead, only the most indirect forms of self-governance are implicated. Loving someone is a complex matter involving one’s emotional, desiderative, perceptive, motivational, and evaluative dispositions. Shifts in these complicated and interlocking dispositions are only gradually brought about, with much emotional and psychological work. In this respect, loving is no different from other aspects of character whose criticizability presupposes that they can be relevantly responsive to reasons. For instance, someone might not be able to feel generous on occasion even though she should. There may be no simple way for her to correct this failing. Still, it is perfectly unexceptionable to say that there is reason for her to be generous (to act generously out of feelings of generosity) on these occasions.

To say that a person’s attitude is responsive to the relevant reasons on a particular occasion is to offer a certain kind of psychological explanation. In her positive evaluative responses she treats those reasons as justifying. The relevant reasons thus explain her love in virtue of her positive evaluative responses to them. This explanatory role is not always played by good reasons for loving. Someone might treat something as if it were a justifying reason for love even though it is not. This is one way in which love can be defective. (Consider the person who loves someone precisely because she is rich.) 14

Something can play this sort of psychological role even if the lover does not avow it as a reason for which he loves. Think for instance about the man who in fact loves his spouse as a “trophy wife” despite what he says , quite sincerely, about the reasons for which he loves her. People’s self-attributions about these matters are often wrong.

It is one thing to attach emotional significance to something, another to treat it as a reason. Lovers sometimes attach great significance to aspects of the beloved’s body, belongings or small quirks. In Ian McEwan’s The Innocent , Leonard fears he will never see Maria again, and obsesses:

The blade of callus on her toe, the mole with two hairs, the miniscule dents in her lobes. If she went, what was he going to do with all these loving facts, these torturing details? 15

Leonard’s tormenting attention to such details does not show that he treats the callus as though it were a reason to love Marie. Rather his obsessive attention is an expression of his affection and attachment—such torturing details can serve as symbols of various kinds for the lover, particularly during times of grief and loss.

A lover can even respond to some feature as attractive or valuable, without treating it as a reason for loving. The earlier example of hair color is a case in point.

These psychological distinctions can show up in a number of ways. They may be manifested in what the person says (“I was drawn to your sleek hair, but of course that’s not why I love you”). They can also show up in the details of the lover’s interactions with the beloved and in the lover’s responses to change, insofar as both manifest what the lover values and how. For instance, the man who loves his spouse as a “trophy wife” will reveal this—regardless of what he avows—in their interactions and in his responses as she ages. By contrast, someone’s continuing to love without hesitation despite a spouse’s physical decline can show that even though she valued her beloved’s robust health, that was not a reason for which she loved.

Familiar forms of evaluation presuppose these distinctions. Imagine, for instance, that the man who loves his spouse as a “trophy wife” develops emotionally over time. In the beginning, he ignores his spouse’s generosity, trustworthiness, warmth, and wit. He gradually comes to appreciate these traits, but only in light of what they do for him . Finally, he comes to value his spouse for her own sake on account of these valuable traits. He might still appreciate her figure, but now that appreciation plays a different role in his psyche. We all recognize the first two stages as shallow and self-involved. He is not loving well. In the final stage, by contrast, he is appropriately responsive to the reasons which he had for loving her all along. Here again, how one loves, and why, is a significant manifestation of one’s character.

Precisely because the responses involved in loving bring into play everything that falls under the term “character,” it is a mistake to think that if there are reasons for love, then love must be a response on the part of something called “Reason”—where that is meant to contrast with something else such as one’s inclinations, passions, affects, and the like. Love is a deeply emotional response to its justifying grounds. And when someone’s love is an apt response to its justifying grounds, nothing is added by calling it “rational.” All that this will amount to is that it is an appropriate response to the beloved’s good traits in that relational context. 16

The view that there are reasons for love does entail that warranted love in friendship and romantic contexts involves appraisal—some form of evaluatively laden responsiveness to the good traits of the beloved. But this need not be understood as primarily cognitive. And we need not analyze this responsiveness as a two-component process involving (1) judgment about someone’s good qualities, followed by (2) appropriate affective attitudinal responses. The history of ethics is full of admonitions against such attempts to cleave apart judgments and affective attitudes in the practical sphere. Moreover, consider what is involved in feeling comfortable and happy in someone’s presence and lousy when apart. Such affective responses might be evaluatively laden and aptly regarded as manifestations of one’s character. But unless you hold a very particular view of what is involved in such responses, you do not have to say that they must be born of a prior judgment about the person’s qualities.

We turn now to questions of criticizability . If the reasons view is correct, then someone is open to criticism if she loves in the absence of good reasons or in ways that are not appropriate to the relevant reasons. 17 The issue here is not irrationality, narrowly construed, but rather a matter of character. However, the focus need not be on the person’s general tendencies. Just as we may judge, “you are being inappropriately angry here and now,” so too with love. Such failings need not be blameworthy. Someone may be no more to blame for falling in love with a person of wretched character than he may be for inappropriate feelings of anger. Blameworthiness is a further question.

A particularly important range of criticisms can arise when people love for bad reasons. In such cases people tend to love poorly. This is because people’s interactions with their beloveds will inevitably be shaped and colored by what they are treating as reasons for love. For instance, someone who loves her spouse for being “like” her imagined version of her parent will tend to interpret the spouse’s conduct in ways that fit that image, and will not react well—not lovingly—when it cannot be made to fit. Likewise, if one’s love is motivated by bad reasons, then one is apt to react poorly to change. Consider the situation of two young lovers whose good humor, kindness, honesty, and thoughtfulness all justify love, but who in fact love each other, unawares, in response to their youthful good looks. Unless their motivations change, this sets the stage for later inconstancy and other recognizable shortcomings in love. Thus even where love would be warranted, questions about the lover’s motivations speak directly to the lover’s character—they cut to the heart of the lover’s actual values.

2. Love as a Valuing Orientation

So far we have aimed to clarify the idea of reasons for love. It is much less contentious that there are reasons of love — reasons to do things for particular people, to be with them, and so forth, which we would not have if we did not love them. One prominent defender of the so-called “no-reasons view” emphasizes that love is a source of reasons, but suggests this as a reason for thinking that there cannot be reasons for love. 18 Defenders of the reasons view thus need to explain how the two sets of reasons might intelligibly be related. To do so, we propose to think of romantic and friendship love as particular ways of valuing people: they are what we will call “valuing orientations.” A valuing orientation involves (among other things) characteristic perceptive, affective, interactive, and motivational responses and dispositions. When warranted, it can be a source of further justifying reasons to think, feel, desire, and do various things and take up various dispositions. The idea of a valuing orientation can thus provide a unifying framework for thinking about the relation between the reasons for taking up a certain kind of response and the reasons to which it can give rise.

In this section we explore a particular model—valuing an activity (such as baking or gardening) as a “hobby”—in order to illuminate the complex relations among (1) the form of valuing at issue in romantic and friendship love, (2) the reasons that justify it, and (3) the reasons that it can generate. Four points are particularly relevant.

First, volitional matters are not all that is at issue. While valuing an activity as a hobby involves volitional structures such as dispositions to engage in the activity, dispositions concerning perceptual salience—for example—are involved as well. Even when it will not be instrumentally useful for engagement in the hobby, one will notice and pay interested attention to related aspects of the world in ways one otherwise would not. Moreover, one will enjoy engaging in the activity, be moved to share that enjoyment in various ways with like-minded people, and so forth. A wide variety of affective, desiderative, reflective, perceptive, and motivational dispositions are thus involved.

Second, these various elements are interpenetrating—each aspect (volitional, affective, motivational, perceptive) will be inflected in distinctive ways by others. Take, for instance, “enjoying the activity.” There are many ways in which one might enjoy an activity. To say what it is to enjoy an activity as a hobby , one must make reference to other aspects of valuing it as a hobby—for example, to the larger pattern of an ongoing meaningful enterprise, to the ways in which one will pay interested attention to related aspects of the world, and the like. Similar points apply to the volitional structures involved in valuing something as a hobby. One pursues the activity for its own sake and gives it a certain organizing position in relation to one’s overall pursuits, but in a very different manner from the way in which one pursues other ends—not relating to one’s hobbies—for their own sakes.

Third, valuing an activity as a hobby involves responding to reasons, though not requiring ones. If I do not take up some hobby for which I have at my ready disposal all that is required (time, supplies, money), no more is expected by way of explanation than “it’s not my thing.” This lack of interest is not merely a defeater for what would otherwise be requiring reasons. It would be bizarre to think that if it did not bore you, you would be required to take up stamp collecting. Yet reasons do play a role here nonetheless. When queried, anyone with a hobby will happily explain its valuable features, and will do so by citing what they regard as good reasons for engaging in it . Moreover, there are certain activities that do not make sense as hobbies precisely because we cannot see what value one could find in them. The features of the activity that make it valuable are what warrants engaging in it as a hobby.

Fourth, adopting something as a hobby gives one genuine (defeasible) reason for doing things it involves—but only if there is some value, intelligibly related to the activities involved in the hobby, that underwrites taking it up in the first place. Someone who adopts a “hobby” of torturing cats does not thereby acquire any reason to purchase torture implements. This is because there is no value, intelligibly related to the activities involved in this “hobby,” that underwrites taking it up in the first place.

The reasons one gains once one adopts a hobby are not reducible to the reasons for taking it on. For instance, there are many valuable aspects of quilt-making—the beautiful creations that result, the ways in which quilts can be a form of storytelling, the skills necessary, communal aspects of quilting—and these valuable features do count in favor of taking it on as a hobby. But by itself my recognition of those values does not give me sufficient reason to engage in the full complement of activities undertaken by the hobbyist quilter. If, on the other hand, I do take up quilting as a hobby, then that gives me sufficient reason for doing these things. Valuing an activity as a hobby is thus a source of reasons that go beyond the reasons one has when one merely recognizes the valuable features of an activity that make it worthwhile as a hobby. At the same time, these new reasons are intelligibly related to those valuable features of the activity.

Love—unlike a hobby—is an attitude toward a person, one which properly involves and issues in very different sorts of motivations, evaluations, and affective and emotional responses than those that are involved in a hobby. Nonetheless, hobbies provide an illuminating model for the form of valuing involved in love. Consider each of the four respects just highlighted.

First, there is more to loving than volitional structures. For example, affection and pleasure in the beloved’s company (all else equal) are also involved.

Second, the various aspects of loving as a mode of valuing are interpenetrating. They are inflected by each other in such a way that one cannot understand the distinctive form that any one of them should take unless one brings in others. Consider, for instance, the pursuit of the beloved’s well-being. A person who pursues another’s welfare for that person’s sake but with utterly cold affective indifference does not seek her welfare in the manner characteristic of love. Consider, likewise, the way in which we enjoy the company of our beloveds. I might enjoy the company of many people, but there is a very particular way in which we enjoy the company of those we love—as people toward whom we have affection, are attached, want to be with, and so on—and this relates to other affective aspects of love.

A third parallel concerns warranting reasons. As we have just urged (and have argued elsewhere), as with hobbies there are warranting reasons for romantic and friendship love. The model of a valuing orientation provided by valuing-as-a-hobby offers a larger context within which to place this claim.

The fourth parallel, then, is this. Like having a hobby, loving someone can be a source of new defeasible reasons, but only if one’s love is warranted. Insofar as I love people who are worth loving, I gain genuine new reasons to seek their company, express affection for them, pursue their welfare, and the like. By contrast, a spouse who is subjected to ongoing abuse does not have good reasons of love to want to be with her abuser or to have special concern for his well-being. 19 It will, of course, seem otherwise to the abused spouse insofar as she loves her abuser. But that is merely the normative shadow of the fact that she loves: insofar as one loves, one will both take there to be reasons for love and take one’s love to be a source of reasons. This is as it should be. Even if one loves someone who is not worth loving, one’s character as lover is open to criticism if one neither takes oneself to have, nor is moved by, reasons of love. 20

As in the case of hobbies, the reasons of love outstrip—and yet are recognizably related to—the reasons for love.

Some of these new reasons are state-based. For example, love may give me a new sufficient reason to do my beloved a favor. Some are relationally based—reasons that arise only in the context of a loving relationship. My reasons for marking a friend’s birthday, for instance, arise partly from the fact that he would be hurt if I, his friend, did not. These state-based and relationally based reasons can be merely warranting, but many are stronger. This is one way in which they outstrip the reasons for love.

The birthday case involves something on the order of a defeasible requiring reason or at least an apt normative expectation; we can see this in the ordinary expectation that if I forget a friend’s birthday, explanation and/or apology is owed. 21 Reasons of love can even be obligating. R. Jay Wallace, for example, highlights that quite apart from any debts of gratitude or reciprocity, we feel that we owe it to long-standing friends and life partners to be there for them even if they have the resources to handle difficult situations without our aid. 22 In such circumstances, it looks like there is no way to explain our sense of obligation except in terms of an obligation of love.

Of course, simply being in a relationship also gives us reasons and obligations—role-obligations of friendship or romantic partnership, say—which are not grounded in love. 23 But it is implausible to suppose that all the obligations and reasons we have in the context of reciprocal loving relationships can be accounted for in such terms. Wallace’s is one such example, marking a birthday is another, as are visiting friends in hospital, keeping in touch, and being constant in our love. These are the sorts of things which, in the context of a loving relationship, we are generally expected to do out of love . If we find that a friend did such things out of a sense of duty to the relationship rather than out of love, we are usually hurt or disappointed. This provides further reason to suppose that the obligations at issue are obligations of love, for the presumption at issue in such expectations is that love not only justifies these actions, but that it can motivate them as well. 24

As in the case of hobbies, there is an intelligible relation here between the reasons that warrant the valuing orientation, on the one hand, and the reasons it generates, on the other. There is a straightforward fit, along several dimensions, between (1) people’s manifesting (in their interactions with you) good traits that make them well suited for intimate relationships and (2) the various dispositions and activities involved in loving them well (desiring their company, having special concern for their welfare, and the like, all in the ways that are involved in love). After all, the person is manifesting—in interaction with you—traits that make the person well suited for an intimate relationship with you, and you are engaging well in an intimate relationship with him or her. The reasons for love thus mesh in obvious ways with what is involved in loving well.

In fact, at least three points are involved here.

First, a point about normative intelligibility. It makes all the sense in the world to enjoy the company of, feel affectionate toward, seek to be around, and disinterestedly seek the welfare of people who are kind, considerate, loyal, constant, warm, and so on in their interactions with us. Those are exactly the sorts of people whose welfare it is good and enjoyable to seek in the ways involved in love and who are good and enjoyable to be around in loving relationships. It would be perverse to want to be around someone who is primarily cold, cruel, and capricious in his interactions with you, to disinterestedly seek his welfare, and the like, in the ways that are involved in friendship and romantic love.

Second, a point about normative coherence. We have proposed that love is a way of valuing people on account of the good character traits that they manifest in their interactions with us. If I really value the traits that make people well suited for intimate relationships, then I should value such traits in myself as well. This means that if I love someone, I should aim to manifest such traits in my interactions with that person: I should aim to love well. There is thus a structural fit between the responses involved in loving well and the reasons for love.

Finally, a point about the interpersonal normative structure. In the case in which you love well, you will treat your beloved with kindness, warmth, concern for your beloved’s well-being for your beloved’s own sake, constancy in your feelings and actions toward your beloved, and the like. This means that you will interact in ways that provide your beloved with reasons to love you. There is thus a further normative fit between the reasons for loving and the reasons of love; loving well will normatively reinforce reciprocal love.

In sum, then, understanding love as a valuing orientation reveals a particularly nice fit between the reasons for love and the ways of interacting with people and orienting ourselves toward them that constitute loving them well. The reasons for love, the reasons of love, and the various desiderative, affective, motivational, perceptual, evaluative, and reflective dispositions that make up this valuing orientation—all taken together—constitute a single, cohesive system. Any debate about reasons for love must take place within a grasp of this sort of larger framework.

3. You and No Other

The view that people’s good qualities are reasons for love has been widely rejected in the literature. Recall Setiya’s summary of typical objections. To that list—one that includes problems of “universality,” “promiscuity,” “trading up,” and “inconstancy”—we might also add the now-common complaint that so-called quality views make loving an exact duplicate in place of one’s beloved either permissible or required. 25 All these objections charge in one way or another that no version of the quality view can connect us in the right way to the particular people we love. However, our view of love as a valuing orientation obviates these objections.

We begin with concerns about “universality” and “promiscuity.”

It is a mistake to think that if people’s good traits are reasons for love, then one is required to love everyone with the same good traits or that everyone is required to love a given person on account of his good traits. First, on our account the relevant reasons are agent-relative, generated in particular relational contexts. One has reason to love only those with whom one is in an appropriate relationship, not just anyone with the relevant good qualities. 26 Moreover, if (as discussed in section 1 ) the reasons for love are warranting—not requiring—then loving selectively is perfectly unexceptionable. 27 So much for worries about “promiscuity” and “universality.” 28

Precisely because our view regards the reasons for love as warranting reasons, it also does not require one to “trade up” by switching one’s love to someone with superior qualities. Nor does our view entail that it is irrational not to prefer a person with superior qualities. If the other person is good enough, loving them is warranted, and there is no ground for criticism if you simply do not “click” with the superior person.

But worries about substitution and “trading up” can take another form. If people’s nonunique good qualities are only warranting reasons for loving them, why would it be objectionable to cease loving one person and begin loving an identical substitute (or someone relevantly better)?

This question concerns the reasons for constancy. One’s love for the first person will not be deficient merely insofar as one also comes to love someone else, since love does not inherently demand exclusivity. 29 The crucial question is thus why it would be objectionable to stop loving the first person and begin loving a substitute instead.

There are many reasons for constancy, and different reasons may be applicable in different cases. But it is important not to overstate the case. Ongoing abuse by a spouse is an excellent reason to cease loving. So the “trading up” objection is no objection at all, if we are talking about a case in which a badly abused spouse ceases to love the abuser and comes to love a much kinder, more caring, nonabusive person.

One family of considerations relevant to constancy arises from the fact that love is a mode of valuing involving an affectionate attachment to a specific individual. Someone who is attached to a particular person in this way has reason to object to and grieve that person’s loss. The prospect of ceasing to love is consequently horrible, even if one is offered an appealing replacement. Moreover, given that love is a mode of valuing, its attachments are central expressions of one’s values and thereby provide a key structuring aspect of one’s motivational and affective life. To give all this up constitutes a significant loss, and it is an aspect of the fact that this is a form of valuing that insofar as one does currently value another individual in this way, one will reasonably resist ceasing to do so unless one discovers that the other person was never worth valuing in the first place. Your love thus militates against ceasing loving, accepting a substitute, and so forth, and to the extent that one’s love is justified, these pressures constitute genuine, normative reasons to continue to love. If one does not feel these sorts of pain, one has to that extent already ceased to love or never fully loved. People ready to do such things with equanimity thereby demonstrate a deficiency—shallowness—in their love.

Such people are also commonly poised to commit very distinctive interpersonal harms. For instance, the fact that someone who is in a reciprocal love relationship with you would be badly hurt if you “traded up” is itself a relational reason not to do so. Moreover, your beloved has a reasonable expectation not to be so harmed. Insofar as you love the person, these are reasons to which you should be responsive (out of love), as a condition of loving well. If someone in a successful reciprocal love relationship replaces the one she loves or “trades up,” she thereby fails to be properly responsive in her emotional life to reasons that she has in virtue of her love. In a great many cases, there are thus strong relationally based reasons of love for constancy.

These points hold even if one’s beloved’s character has changed radically for the worse. 30 This is because the reasons that warrant continuing to love may be different than the reasons that warranted beginning to do so. However, the relational considerations must now be balanced in one’s emotional life against the sometimes very strong reasons one has to cease loving (say, if one’s spouse has become abusive). Moreover, the reasons for continuing to love may be different under this scenario—for instance, they may be partly constituted by a reasonable hope that the person will change for the better, even if this is never in itself a ground for coming to love. (Of course, while one sometimes has most reason to continue loving someone whose character has changed radically for the worse, this is not always so, though clear vision is often difficult in these circumstances.)

It might be worried that considerations about harm, hope for change, and the like are simply the wrong way of justifying constancy in love. For instance, consider cases in which people lose their good qualities as a result of diseases such as Alzheimer’s:

Even when such harm (as e.g. that involved in withdrawing love) would result, this reply seems to miss the problem: the change in quality shouldn’t present even a prima facie reason to change the attitude, and so there should be no need to even consider the badness of such harms. 31

However, the changes involved in Alzheimer’s don’t provide reason to cease loving, on our view. It is a mistake to think that if people’s good character traits are reasons for coming to love them, then the loss of those traits—irrespective of, for instance, how it comes about—must be reason for ceasing to love. Whether one has any reason to cease loving someone who one has warrantedly come to love is its own difficult normative question, and the answer depends on the details of the case.

The Alzheimer’s case is distinctive in several relevant respects. First, since our view understands romantic love as a reactive attitude, it is normatively relevant that the changes involved in Alzheimer’s are not a shift from good character to bad character. Rather, the Alzheimer’s patient is in the process of losing the capacities that enable evaluation in such terms at all. For this reason, too, it is sometimes appropriate for those who love an Alzheimer’s patient as romantic partner not to cease loving, but to shift to something new: a form of love that is more like love for a young child. 32 Moreover, the losses endured by romantic partners of Alzheimer’s patients during its “long goodbye” are heartrending; it is surely okay that when dealing with the grief-ridden realities of daily caretaking, loss of companionship, and the partner’s vanishing adult capacities, many people do ask themselves whether and why they should continue to love. Considerations about what the loss of your love would do to your partner can provide a good answer (even if your partner no longer recognizes you). To think such questions should never even arise is to maintain a harmful fantasy of what love should be in such awful contexts.

In sum, there are three points to bear in mind when thinking about constancy in love. First, given that loving can be a source of reasons one did not antecedently have, it is a mistake to look only to the reasons for love. Reasons of love may be centrally relevant. Second, insofar as the case is one in which there were, but are no longer, warranting reasons for reactive love, it will matter a great deal why that is the case. Third, some reasons for continuing to love will not be present in every case, and they will not always be overriding, but that too is exactly what we should expect, given the range of possible cases.

The “trading up” and “constancy” objections (answered earlier) concern normative issues about what we should think, feel, and do when we love. But it has also been suggested that the quality view cannot make sense of a basic structural feature of love. If the reasons for love appeal to repeatable features instantiated by multiple people, how does that one particular person get picked out as the object of love? 33

One version of this worry trades on mistaken assumptions about the structure of person-focused attitudes. If love is justified by a person’s features, one might suppose that it is really those features that are the object of one’s love, not the person. 34 This worry loses track of a familiar distinction between the object of an attitude—what the attitude is directed toward —and its grounds. 35 Many attitudes are directed toward people on account of their traits or behavior; in each case, considerations about the person make it appropriate to take that attitude toward that person. Just as I can be proud of my young child on account of his accomplishments, I can love someone for what he is like.

Alternatively, it is sometimes wondered how that particular person gets picked out if the reasons for love are qualities that are instantiated by many people. 36 But there is no mystery here. The relevant justifying consideration is the fact that that particular person has those qualities . This consideration takes you directly to that particular person and picks him out as an appropriate object of the attitude even if other people have identical traits. That someone has behaved cruelly justifies adopting certain attitudes toward him in particular , regardless of whether other people have behaved cruelly as well. Likewise, if a certain person has certain lovable (love-worthy) qualities, this unproblematically supports loving that particular person even if those qualities are not unique to him.

A further challenge in this territory concerns the fact that love involves regarding the beloved as irreplaceable—as an object of affection and concern for which no substitute will do. One would feel a terrible loss if one’s beloved were replaced by someone else, no matter who. How can the quality view explain, or at least be squared with, this fact? 37

The answer to this challenge lies in three considerations.

First, attitudes that are directed toward particular individuals (in the sense of taking a particular person as their object) involve regarding the person as irreplaceable in ways determined by, and relevant to, that particular attitude. Suppose I am grateful to Rebecca for helping me move. Even if George also helped me move, and did so in precisely the same way as Rebecca, he cannot acceptably be “substituted” for Rebecca as the object of my gratitude toward Rebecca. My gratitude to Rebecca is directed toward her , and it calls for certain further reactions and actions toward her . Analogous points apply to love. If I love someone on account of his good character, it will not be an adequate expression of my love for that person if the expression is knowingly directed toward someone else who has the same good traits.

Second, to the extent that the question of “irreplaceability” goes beyond the above considerations, it concerns the depth and nature of the attachment involved in love. Here, the structuring role love plays in one’s valuing life (as discussed in section 2 ) is particularly important. Still, a justificatory question might be raised. Loving someone involves such things as the following: all else equal, one will (1) take pleasure in that person’s company and experience absence as a deprivation; (2) grieve or otherwise suffer if deprived of that person’s presence for long enough; (3) focus on that person’s well-being, taking it as an end to be pursued for their sake, and feel sad if one cannot act in its pursuit; (4) feel devastated by the person’s death or loss. In vulnerabilities such as these we see the particular ways in which the beloved is experienced as irreplaceable. How can the good qualities of the beloved—qualities which can be had by other people– justify taking an attitude toward the beloved that involves these responses?

The conception of love defended in section 2 provides an answer. On our view, warranted love is an appropriate valuing response to genuine value. It is itself a good and valuable thing. This point equally applies to the aspects of love that play a role in “irreplaceability.” For one, it is good and valuable to become deeply attached to good people who have manifested their goodness toward you in their interactions with you, to want to be around them and to pursue their well-being for their own sakes. But for creatures like us, it is precisely the depth of this attachment that renders us vulnerable to the forms of disappointment, grief, and loss mentioned. You cannot have that good, valuable response to others without the vulnerabilities that follow in its wake. Moreover, we should not want to wish these vulnerabilities away. They bring further goods into being. There are goods that are not available to someone who does not love, goods that are connected with the phenomena of irreplaceability. Someone who does not miss his beloved at all will—for that very reason—be at a disadvantage in the creation and maintenance of successful long-term relationships. And warranted mutual love between friends and romantic lovers—involving all of the phenomena of irreplaceability—is both a good itself and gives rise to further goods. In these ways, a view that regards people’s good traits as warranting reasons for love can readily explain how the reasons for love can warrant an attitude that involves treating another person as irreplaceable in precisely the ways that love does.

Finally, the reasons of love play their own role here too. As we discussed, in many cases in which one loves, one thereby has reason neither to cease loving nor to switch whom one loves. If one loves well then one’s affective responses will track those reasons, making one anything but indifferent to the replacement of one’s beloved.

We turn now to one last objection. Setiya writes, “it is not irrational to love my wife with a constancy” that survives even the discovery that all her seeming admirable qualities “were never real” because “[she] never acted from true kindness, always with an ulterior motive; [her] ‘jokes’ were unintentional; my memories are false”. 38 However, since relational considerations can generate reasons to continue or cease loving, we need to know more: in what ways is he mistaken about his spouse, and why? Suppose his spouse intentionally misled him in order to gain his trust and subject him to serious, ongoing harm. Suppose that after being discovered she remains unrepentant and undeterred. Let the pattern continue unabated—at some point in this sordid affair something will have gone badly wrong if he regards his continued love as unproblematic. There are relevant reasons to which he is not responding.

This is not only a matter of prudential reasons to leave the relationship. Imagine that several years after leaving the relationship and gaining freedom from the profound mistreatment, he continues to love her without any sense that his ongoing affectionate feelings, vulnerability, and special concern are problematic. At some point, he has overriding reason to move on—not just in his relationships but in his loving. Indeed, the two are not cleanly separable. His reasons for extricating himself extend beyond his interactions with her to include the central place she has in his affective and valuing life. And the point is not merely that he is harming himself. When properly responsive to the relevant reasons, love is a valuable form of valuing. This is anything but.

4. Concluding Thoughts

We have urged that the debates over whether there are reasons for love need to be recontextualized. The question cannot be adequately considered apart from a larger picture of what love is, what it means to say that there are reasons for love, and the relationships among what it is to love, the reasons for love, and the reasons to which love gives rise.

We have argued that romantic and friendship love should be seen as a particular mode of valuing, and that our account of the reasons for love not only fits with but also illuminates an account of loving so understood. Moreover, on this picture, love is a valuable mode of valuing when justified and engaged in well, one which consequently gives rise to genuine reasons of love, including very strong reasons for constancy in love and for refusing to substitute or “trade up.”

We close with three thoughts.

The first concerns the reasons love gives us for constancy and the like. There can be genuine reasons of love only because love can be a valuable mode of valuing. And it is a central part of what makes friendship and romantic love valuable modes of valuing that they are fitting responses to values—to the reasons given by the loved one’s good character. The objectors thus have it backward: rather than straining against our reasons for constancy and for refusing to “trade up” or accept doppelgängers, the quality view can help explain why we have these sorts of genuine reasons of love at all.

Second, any account that holds there are reasons for love must explain why loving, given the kind of thing that it is, makes sense as a response to the specified reasons. This is required not only in order to make loving—as a whole—intelligible and recognizable but also in order to ground the claim that love can be a valuable mode of valuing and a genuine source of further reasons. It is an open question whether alternative accounts that locate the reasons for love in an agent’s capacity for reason, or in relational considerations that make no necessary reference to an agent’s good character, can satisfy this desideratum.

“No-reasons” accounts of love face a similar challenge. Such accounts rightly hold that there is such a thing as loving well or loving poorly. (What otherwise would be the objection to “trading up,” substituting, inconstancy?) But this leaves proponents of the “no reasons” view with some explaining to do. Whether one has reason to remain constant in one’s love depends in part on what one’s beloved is like. Why would that be, if—as the no-reasons view holds—considerations about the beloved’s good traits are normatively irrelevant to the appropriateness of love?

Finally, we highlighted one aspect of loving that has been largely neglected in the literature to date: the significant extent and many respects in which love in friendship and romantic contexts is a matter of character. This form of love—we have urged—is an appropriate response to certain laudable character traits as reasons for love. One’s relative responsiveness to these reasons is a matter of character—a responsiveness that has to do with a complex of valuing, perceptive, affective, desiderative, and motivational dispositions. One’s relative responsiveness to the reasons of love—in general, or in situ—is likewise evaluable primarily in character terms. And so how well one loves, and how well one’s loving relationships go, is also a matter of character. Small wonder that loving should in everyday life seem so important to our sense of who we are as individuals. It seems that way because it is. 39

Abramson, Kate , and Adam Leite . “ Love as a Reactive Emotion. ” Philosophical Quarterly 61 ( 2011 ): 673–699

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Kolodny, Niko. “ Love as Valuing a Relationship. ” Philosophical Review 112 ( 2003 ): 135–189.

McEwan, Ian. The Innocent. London: Picador, 1990 .

Rae Langton, Rae. “Projected Love.” In Understanding Love: Philosophy, Film and Fiction , edited by Susan Wolf and Christopher Grau , 141–162. Cambridge: Oxford University Press, 2013 .

Raz, Joseph. From Normativity to Responsibility. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2011 .

Scanlon, T. M. What We Owe to Each Other. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1998 .

Setiya, Kieran. “ Love and the Value of a Life. ” Philosophical Review 123, no. 3 ( 2014 ): 251–280.

Smith, Angela. “ Responsibility for Attitudes: Activity and Passivity in Mental Life. ” Ethics 115, no. 2 ( 2005 ): 236–271.

Smuts, Aaron. “ Normative Reasons for Love Part II. ” Philosophy Compass 9, no. 8 ( 2014 ): 518–526.

Wallace, R. J. “ Duties of Love. ” Aristotelian Society Supplementary Volume 86, no. 1 ( 2012 ): 175–198.

Velleman, David. “ Love as a Moral Emotion. ” Ethics 109 ( 1999 ): 338–374.

Vlastos, Gregory. “The Individual as Object of Love in Plato.” In Vlastos , Platonic Studies. Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1973 , 3–34.

1 Harry Frankfurt , The Reasons of Love (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2004) .

2 David Velleman , “Love as a Moral Emotion,” Ethics 109 (1999): 338–374 .

3 Niko Kolodny , “Love as Valuing a Relationship,” Philosophical Review 112 (2003): 135–189 .

4 Kieran Setiya , “Love and The Value of a Life,” Philosophical Review 123, no. 3 (2014): 251–280, p. 255 .

5 P. F. Strawson , “Freedom and Resentment,” Proceedings of the British Academy , 48 (1962): 1–25, also now available as open source text at http://users.ox.ac.uk/~ball0888/oxfordopen/resentment.htm .

Abramson and Leite, “Love as a Reactive Emotion.”

Frankfurt, The Reasons of Love .

Jollimore, Love’s Vision .

9 Some (see, e.g., Benjamin Bagley , “Loving Someone in Particular”, Ethics 125, no. 2 [2015]: 477–507, p. 490 and n.) talk as though one’s character could be entirely separable from one’s values. With Aristotle and Hume, we hold instead that: (1) one cannot adequately specify a person’s character traits without making reference to her values (a courageous person does what she sees as worthwhile in the face of fear); and (2) The content of one’s character informs one’s values (because she is generous, a generous person values things the ungenerous person does not).

10 On warranting reasons and the reactive attitudes, see also Lucy Allais , “Freedom and Forgiveness”, in David Shoemaker and Neal Tognazzini , eds., Oxford Studies in Agency and Responsibility , vol. 2, ch. 3, Oxford: Oxford University Press (2014): 33-63 .

The common sorting of “reasons-views” into “quality views” and “relationship views” obscures the possibility of a view with this structure.

13 That is, love need not be a “judgment-sensitive attitude” in T. M. Scanlon’s sense (see chapter 1 in What We Owe to Each Other [Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1998] ).

The difficult question, how best to explain what it is to treat something as a reason, is beyond the scope of this chapter. It arises for any account—of action or of any attitude whatsoever—that uses the notion of reasons.

15 The Innocent (London: Picador, 1990), 112 , cited in Rae Langton , “Projected Love,” in Understanding Love: Philosophy, Film and Fiction , ed. Susan Wolf and Christopher Grau (Cambridge: Oxford University Press, 2013): 141–162 .

It is consequently unhelpful to characterize the reasons view as “the picture of love as a rational response to reasons” ( Setiya, “Love and The Value of a Life,” 255).

The question here is whether the person is worthy of criticism. It is another matter whether it is appropriate to offer criticism in situ.

See, for example, Frankfurt, The Reasons of Love , 38–40.

She might have reasons of prudence.

This point is a generalization of the phenomenon at issue in familiar wide-scope requirements on rationality—here applied not to reasoning, but to issues of value and character.

21 Angela Smith , “Responsibility for Attitudes: Activity and Passivity in Mental Life,” Ethics 115, no. 2 (2005): 236–271, p. 236 .

22 R. Jay Wallace , “Duties of Love,” Aristotelian Society Supplementary Volume 86, no. 1 (2012): 175–198, p. 186 .

Wallace, “Duties of Love,” 177–180.

See also Wallace, “Duties of Love,” 191–192.

25 See Kolodny, “Love as Valuing a Relationship,” 140–141; Aaron Smuts , “Normative Reasons for Love Part II”, Philosophy Compass 9, no. 8 (2014): 518–526, p. 520 .

Abramson and Leite, “Love as a Reactive Emotion” ; Jollimore, Love’s Vision , 93–94, 123–134.

Setiya recognizes that any view which holds that a person’s good qualities provide (in his terms) “noninsistent” rather than “insistent” reasons can, for that very reason, answer objections concerning universality, promiscuity, and trading up. He contends, however, that “quality views” cannot answer constancy objections ( Setiya, “Love and The Value of a Life,” 255–256). Our view can, as we explain later.

Normative demands for romantic exclusivity are properly in place in some romantic relationships—namely, those in which romantic exclusivity is a consensual aspect of the normative expectations of that relationship for those in that relationship, but they cannot be generalized to friendship or romantic love as such.

Thanks to David Sussman for pressing this question.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1576716/Judge-lost-husband-to-Alzheimers-and-love.html .

Thanks to Edward Harcourt for pressing this question.

34 For discussion, see Gregory Vlastos , “The Individual as Object of Love in Plato,” in Vlastos , Platonic Studies (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 1973), 3–34 .

35 Kolodny, “Love as Valuing a Relationship,” 154; David Hume , A Treatise of Human Nature [1739–40], ed. Selby-Bigge and Nidditch (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1978), T 2.2.1.1–8 .

Smuts, “Normative Reasons for Love Part II,” 522.

37 For discussion see Joseph Raz , From Normativity to Responsibility (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2011) ; Christopher Grau , “Irreplaceability and Unique Value,” Philosophical Topics 32, no. 1–2 (2004): 111–129 .

38 Kieran Setiya , “Love and The Value of a Life,” Philosophical Review 123, no. 3 (2014): 251–280, at 257 .

We especially thank Lorenzo Greco, Edward Harcourt, Kirk Ludwig, David Sussman, and the editors for detailed comments. For helpful conversations we thank Lucy Allais, Gary Ebbs, Richard Holton, Rae Langton, and the members of the December 2016 Cambridge philosophy seminar.

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“Why Do You Love Me?”Exploring The Reasons Behind Romantic Feelings

In many relationships, one partner may be curious about what makes the other love them. If your partner asks, “Why do you love me?” it may be helpful to think about what you want to say. Read on to explore why people fall in love with their partners and how therapy can help you learn healthy, effective ways to express your feelings.

Why do people fall in love?

In general, humans fall in love as an evolutionary response to ensure the continuation of the species. Humans are social creatures, and we form emotional attachments for support, a sense of belonging, and the biological drive to care for and protect loved ones. Psychologist John Bowlby developed attachment theory to explain how humans develop lifelong methods for forming attachments to others during infancy and childhood, primarily based on the type of care they receive.

What love does to your brain

During the early stages of a relationship, your brain releases large amounts of oxytocin, a neurochemical related to the pleasure and reward centers. Studies show that the brains of couples in a new relationship produce significantly more oxytocin than those without a romantic partner. The neurochemical is often called the "love hormone" because it creates positive feelings and makes you crave more time close to your partner.

How oxytocin affects you

Sexual activity increases oxytocin production, leading to further positive associations with your partner.
Oxytocin can inspire loyalty in relationships.
Sperm motility improves with oxytocin.

Exploring the reasons to love someone

Listing every reason one person could love another is only possible if you talk to everyone worldwide. However, some common themes appear among those asked to explain why they love their partners.

They treat you well

It’s easy to fall in love with someone who treats you well. If your partner considers your thoughts, feelings, and how their words or actions will affect you, that's a solid reason to develop romantic feelings that grow into love. Many people who have been in previous relationships where they were poorly treated may need time to adjust to and trust being treated with love and kindness.

They treat others well

Many people are attracted to kindness in others, and you may develop romantic feelings for someone who you frequently see treating people well. You may appreciate how they care for the people around them, especially if you have children together and they are a loving, attentive parent. Your partner will likely enjoy hearing about the facets of themselves that draw you to them—and knowing you value their kindness could help when they’re having a day they feel less-than-generous.

You love the sound of their laughter

Many people value a sense of humor in a partner, so it’s not surprising that you might love to make them laugh because the sound is music to you. Laughter means you’re having a good time and helps you form positive mental associations connected to your partner.

Researchers at the Mayo Clinic suggest that laughter can be an effective form of stress relief and a mood booster. If your partner frequently laughs and makes you laugh, it can inspire romantic feelings because your brain associates them with stress relief and pleasant emotions.

They have a great attitude and outlook on life

Is just being in your partner’s presence enough to make you feel better? Do they “recharge your batteries” in a way no one else can? Perhaps their sunny outlook on life helps you persevere on your most challenging days. It can be easy to love someone’s view of the world and their place in it, even if you don’t necessarily share the same ideas.

You’re able to understand and communicate with each other

Effective communication skills may allow your partner to express their thoughts and feelings clearly, making it easier to share yours. They may help you navigate conflicts as a couple and help you develop a stronger sense of emotional intimacy and literacy so you can better understand and express your feelings. Open, honest communication is often at the heart of successful relationships and may help both of you avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

“Aspects of communication drive relationship satisfaction, and relationship satisfaction sets the stage for more constructive communication and conflict resolution. Conversely, relationship satisfaction could stabilize relationships, allowing couples to experience a greater proportion of negative communications because overall satisfaction might render the relationship more resilient to internally-generated stressors.” — Grant Hilary Brenner MD, DFAPA

They are generous and selfless

Is your partner the kind of person who would give the shirt off their back to someone in need? Do they go out of their way to make life easier for you or act in other selfless ways that show they care? Feeling loved and cared for is a common reason to love someone.

Their intelligence

Many people fall in love with someone who has a brilliant mind and can engage them in intellectually stimulating conversation. You may be drawn to the way their minds work or enjoy seeing how they work through problems to find practical solutions. Studies show that many people are attracted to intelligence.

You love how they tell a story

Human beings have always been drawn to narratives. According to recent data, our brains undergo a phenomenon called “narrative transportation” when we hear a story that engages enough of our senses that we can almost feel the sensations described . If your partner tells a fantastic story, you may fall in love with listening to them talk and experiencing what happened through their eyes.

Their unconventional personality

Is your partner a free spirit with a unique view of the world that you adore? Perhaps you fell in love because they are so unlike anyone else you've ever known, and you like glimpsing the world through their eyes, particularly if their outlook is vastly different from yours.

How confident they are

Research shows that many people are attracted to confidence . You may find it a lovable quality if your partner is confident and secure in who and how they are. Confidence can inspire a sense of security and stability you can depend upon reliably.

They make you feel safe and loved

It's easy to see how someone could fall in love when they feel safe with and loved by their partner. If your partner provides a sense of safety and security in the relationship, it could make falling in love feel simple and natural.

What To Say When You Don’t Know Why You Love Them

If you know you love your partner but don’t know how to put that love into words, first try to explain that while you struggle with talking about your feelings, you are certain you love them. You can also try some of these:

I am still learning the things I love about you.
There are so many unique things about you I don't know where to start.
I may not be good with words, but I know I’m lucky to have you in my life.
I love you every second of every day.
I love the little things that make you who you are.
I love who I am with you.

Reach out for help

Many people struggle to express their feelings, particularly if they weren’t raised in an emotionally expressive or supportive environment. So, if you need help recognizing, understanding, and sharing your emotions, you're certainly not the only one. You may benefit from attending therapy, where you can learn to identify, process, and express your feelings with the support and guidance of a mental health professional.

How therapy can help you communicate your feelings

If you have difficulty expressing your thoughts and feelings, consider working with a licensed therapist online through a virtual therapy platform focused on relationship issues like Regain. Therapy can help you identify and understand your emotions while developing coping skills to manage stress and learning communication techniques to express your thoughts and feelings to your partner.

According to recent research, there’s no substantial difference between the outcomes of in-person and online psychotherapy . Virtual therapy tends to be less expensive and involves shorter wait times. Many patients have said the unmatched convenience of attending from home made it possible to participate more reliably.

There’s a good chance that at some point in your relationship, your partner will ask you to explain the reasons you love them. Many people have trouble putting their feelings into words. The information presented in this article explores several reasons people can fall in love with someone and how therapy helps you learn to express your emotions.

Frequently asked questions (FAQ):

What do you say when your boyfriend asks why you love him?

When a partner questions their value in your eyes — out of insecurity or even curiosity — it is always best to answer honestly. The things that make us love our partners are the things that drew us to them initially, or what draws us to them still; they are what make our significant others distinctive, unique, admirable, and attractive. Think of every good attribute your partner has, and that set of qualities is likely to be your answer: they are funny, kind, charismatic, beautiful, patient, intelligent, or any combination thereof. While it can be hard to put something that is as powerful, elemental, or even unconditional as love into words, everyone deserves to know not only that they matter to their loved ones, but why they matter.

Knowing the answer to this question is not just good for making your partner feel appreciated — it also helps you. Think about why you feel the way you feel, even if you are alone and no one is asking. It can help you recognize and articulate your own feelings, and it can be an effective aid for you to keep the relationship strong. If you think about why you love your partner, you may be more likely to show it, which can be healthy for the partnership and make the person you love feel good. It can also make you less likely to start taking things for granted, which is positive.

What are the signs that a couple is not in love?

Real displays of love and affection vary from person to person, which is something to keep in mind. We don’t all show these things in the same way, and that’s okay. Some things that could indicate a lack of love or a non-reciprocal relationship include, but aren’t limited to, being with someone out of loneliness rather than affection or compatibility, rushing into things without getting to know each other, or only feeling like you know one another on a surface level.

What are the 3 main qualities of love?

Some psychologists employ a triangular theory of love that imagines three qualities of love — passion, intimacy, and commitment — as characteristics that distinguish different types of love from one another. Consummate love, which is typically what we envision in a healthy, long-term romantic relationship, consists of all three characteristics and is often a standard that couples strive towards.

What can I say instead of “I love you”?

There are tons of alternatives to “I love you,” whether you would like to tell your partner how much they mean to you without resorting to stale clichés, or you are just not sure you are ready to say the ever-intimidating “L word” just yet.

It can be as simple as an unprompted reminder that you were thinking of them: shooting them a text to tell them that something funny that happened at work reminded you of them, sending them articles you think they might want to read, sending a sweet “good morning” text, or simply letting them know in plain terms how much they mean to you. You might even reword “I love you” into something new (e.g., “You are so deeply special to me,” “I love the way you think,” or “I feel lucky to be around you”) to change it up.

People who feel love and strong affection may say things like:

I missed you.
I’m thinking of you.
How are you feeling?
How was your day?
I like your new outfit/haircut/hairstyle
I’m going to the store. Do you want anything?
How is your family doing?

Thoughtful actions can be another powerful reminder that they matter to you and that they belong in your life without you even having to open your mouth. An unprompted gift, an effort to learn about something they love, or an offer to spend time with them when you know they really need it can all send the message that they’re valued.

Why do I love him so much?

Beyond hormones, primal desire, or whatever else you want to chalk it up to, the chances are that you love your partner for more than one reason or trait. The time you two spend together may make you feel absolutely joyful, like you are the luckiest person in the world, and they might take the time or put in the effort to make you feel like you matter. They might be a figure worthy of fixation; they’re kind, outgoing, funny, or intelligent in a way that makes them stand out from other people you have met before, and therefore they’re nestled into a special place in your heart.

While it is hard to pinpoint which comes first — whether you love them because of all of these things, or if all of these things are so great because you love them — it is clear that this complex web of explanations makes your love for them something that is quite difficult to explain in words. You love them because you do, and even you don’t really understand all of the reasons behind it. It’s because they are who they are, and you are who you are. Love somehow naturally follows. It’s part of why authenticity matters when seeking a partner, and it’s a beautiful thing.

Is jealousy a sign of love?

Jealousy is a complicated but natural feeling in a relationship. It can be harmless if it is occasional and dealt with rationally, but it would be misguided to call it a sign of love. Jealousy, much of the time, has a lot more to do with our own insecurities and preoccupations than with the quality of our love. Love is based on mutual trust and a desire to see your partner happy — and jealousy can obstruct both of these things. It’s best to talk it out if one, or both, of you feel jealous. I want you to understand that I am here, and I love you.” Therapy may also be advantageous if it’s an ongoing concern.

How do you know you love someone?

Love can look different for everyone, but you may know that you are in love when you are not only infatuated with them, but you have a deep interpersonal bond. When you are in love, you will likely want to direct all your attention towards the object of your affection and get their attention in return, but you will also want to understand them and empathize with them; you will trust them and want to see them happy. Many of the old clichés are true — they will often be the person you look for in a room full of people, or the person you think about as you go to bed or wake up every single day.

What does real love look like?

In order to answer this question, let’s look at the 4 phases of love .

The infamous honeymoon phase, when it seems like your partner is the perfect match and they have no flaws. You feel so in love that it is almost like you need them.
Then comes the crisis, or the first big fight. All the flaws that you did not pay attention to before now seem so glaringly obvious that you cannot focus on anything else. You may experience feelings of shame, disappointment, and disillusionment. You may begin to fixate on your partner’s flaws and wonder if you can get past this phase.
Due to the conflict, you may enter into a power struggle, which is when you really decide on which points you want to concede, which compromises you are willing to make, and which things you do not want to change.
Once you go through these more temporary phases, you find the awakening, which is when you and your partner understand and accept each other’s flaws. You also accept your own flaws and recognize that you and your partner are both human. Discord is, for the most part, inevitable. At this phase, you may well stop wondering if your partner is right for you. Things can start to settle and feel clearer.

How do you test a guy to see if he really loves you?

When you're having doubts about the real feelings of your partner, the common question that comes to your mind is " Does he love me ?" It is better not to test your partners, but to instead simply openly communicate and take them at their word. If your partner says they love you, but you feel as though they might not be telling the truth — for instance, if they refuse to prioritize you, pay little attention to your interests, or otherwise indicate that they do not take your feelings into account —then you might be l oving someone you can't have and it might be worth it to simply decide to end things. Sometimes, a person really does care; but they may not understand how their actions come off until you talk about it. Pay attention to their response. It is likely not worth investing additional time and energy into getting someone to prove that they value you if they are committed to ignoring you. Maybe it's time to let go and love yourself first until you'll learn how to love somebody else again.

Why do guys ask if you love them?

We all want to feel valued and appreciated by our partners. When someone asks if you really love them, it can be a sign of insecurity, or that they’re feeling neglected, among other things. If your partner asks you this, you might consider finding new or more emphatic ways to express your affection so they don’t doubt that they matter to you. Since the reasons a person might ask vary so much, it’s hard to guess exactly why someone might ask this question, and it may be effective to have a conversation about insecurities, past wounds, and how to show up for or show love for each other.

How do you tell a man you love him?

It can be as simple as saying the words “I love you.” Of course, it’s not always as easy as it seems; but it’s better to be honest and straightforward, especially if you’ve never said the words to him before. If saying " I love you son " is so easy if you are a parent, your partner also deserves to hear those affirmations. If you simply want to show them that they matter, you might consider doing something that gets the sentiment of love across without you having to say the words. Doing something thoughtful can let someone know that you care for them.

Why do you love your boyfriend?

Love is a natural and wonderful human reaction.

If you need a crisis hotline, here are some resources:

NAMI Helpline (National Alliance on Mental Illness) - 1-800-950-6264 or [email protected]

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255

National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-7233 or [email protected]

For more information on mental health, please see:

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How To Find Love Again After Heartbreak
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Essay on Love for Students and Children

500+ words essay on love.

Love is the most significant thing in human’s life. Each science and every single literature masterwork will tell you about it. Humans are also social animals. We lived for centuries with this way of life, we were depended on one another to tell us how our clothes fit us, how our body is whether healthy or emaciated. All these we get the honest opinions of those who love us, those who care for us and makes our happiness paramount.

What is Love?

Love is a set of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs with strong feelings of affection. So, for example, a person might say he or she loves his or her dog, loves freedom, or loves God. The concept of love may become an unimaginable thing and also it may happen to each person in a particular way.

Love has a variety of feelings, emotions, and attitude. For someone love is more than just being interested physically in another one, rather it is an emotional attachment. We can say love is more of a feeling that a person feels for another person. Therefore, the basic meaning of love is to feel more than liking towards someone.

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Need of Love

We know that the desire to love and care for others is a hard-wired and deep-hearted because the fulfillment of this wish increases the happiness level. Expressing love for others benefits not just the recipient of affection, but also the person who delivers it. The need to be loved can be considered as one of our most basic and fundamental needs.

One of the forms that this need can take is contact comfort. It is the desire to be held and touched. So there are many experiments showing that babies who are not having contact comfort, especially during the first six months, grow up to be psychologically damaged.

Significance of Love

Love is as critical for the mind and body of a human being as oxygen. Therefore, the more connected you are, the healthier you will be physically as well as emotionally. It is also true that the less love you have, the level of depression will be more in your life. So, we can say that love is probably the best antidepressant.

It is also a fact that the most depressed people don’t love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also become self-focused and hence making themselves less attractive to others.

Society and Love

It is a scientific fact that society functions better when there is a certain sense of community. Compassion and love are the glue for society. Hence without it, there is no feeling of togetherness for further evolution and progress. Love , compassion, trust and caring we can say that these are the building blocks of relationships and society.

Relationship and Love

A relationship is comprised of many things such as friendship , sexual attraction , intellectual compatibility, and finally love. Love is the binding element that keeps a relationship strong and solid. But how do you know if you are in love in true sense? Here are some symptoms that the emotion you are feeling is healthy, life-enhancing love.

Love is the Greatest Wealth in Life

Love is the greatest wealth in life because we buy things we love for our happiness. For example, we build our dream house and purchase a favorite car to attract love. Being loved in a remote environment is a better experience than been hated even in the most advanced environment.

Love or Money

Love should be given more importance than money as love is always everlasting. Money is important to live, but having a true companion you can always trust should come before that. If you love each other, you will both work hard to help each other live an amazing life together.

Love has been a vital reason we do most things in our life. Before we could know ourselves, we got showered by it from our close relatives like mothers , fathers , siblings, etc. Thus love is a unique gift for shaping us and our life. Therefore, we can say that love is a basic need of life. It plays a vital role in our life, society, and relation. It gives us energy and motivation in a difficult time. Finally, we can say that it is greater than any other thing in life.

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How To Explain Why You Love Someone: 7 Ways To Show Them How Much They Mean To You

If you’re struggling to find the right words to express why you love someone, don’t worry – we’ve got you covered.

In this article, we’ll show you seven powerful ways to demonstrate just how to explain why you love someone .

From heartfelt gestures to meaningful gifts, these practical tips will help you communicate your love effectively.

So get ready to deepen your connection and make your loved one feel truly cherished.

Table of Contents

Express Your Love Through Thoughtful Gestures

To truly express your love for someone, you can demonstrate your affection through thoughtful gestures. Thoughtful surprises and romantic gestures can go a long way in showing someone how much they mean to you. These gestures don’t have to be grand or expensive; it’s the thought and effort behind them that truly matters.

One way to express your love through thoughtful gestures is by planning surprise dates or outings. Take your partner to their favorite restaurant or plan a picnic in the park. The element of surprise adds excitement and shows that you’ve put thought into creating a special experience for them.

Another thoughtful gesture is leaving little love notes or messages for your partner to find. These can be tucked into their bag, left on their pillow, or even sent as a text during the day. It’s a simple yet effective way to remind them of your love and brighten their day.

Small acts of kindness can also be incredibly meaningful. Whether it’s making their favorite breakfast in bed or running errands for them when they’re busy, these actions show that you care and are willing to go the extra mile to make their life easier.

Communicate Your Feelings Through Heartfelt Words

When you want to express why you love someone, a powerful way to do so is by communicating your heartfelt words. Words have the ability to convey our deepest emotions and can create a strong connection with our loved ones. By expressing your emotions through heartfelt words, you can effectively communicate your love and appreciation for them.

One important aspect to consider when communicating your feelings is understanding the love languages of your partner. Love languages are the different ways in which people give and receive love. Some people feel loved through words of affirmation, while others feel loved through acts of service, quality time, physical touch, or receiving gifts. By understanding your partner’s love language, you can tailor your words to have the greatest impact.

When expressing your emotions, be specific and genuine. Instead of simply saying ‘I love you,’ explain why you love them and what makes them special to you. Use descriptive language to paint a vivid picture of your feelings. For example, instead of saying ‘I appreciate you,’ you could say ‘I appreciate how you always listen to me and support me, even when times are tough.’

Remember that words have the power to uplift, inspire, and strengthen relationships. By communicating your heartfelt words, you not only express your love but also create a deeper bond with your partner. So don’t hesitate to let your emotions flow and share your love through meaningful words.

Show Appreciation by Actively Listening and Supporting Them

By actively listening and supporting your partner, you demonstrate your appreciation for them. One of the most effective ways to show appreciation is through active listening. This means giving your full attention and genuinely engaging in the conversation. Put away distractions and show that you value what they’ve to say. Make eye contact, nod, and provide verbal cues to show that you’re actively listening.

Another way to show appreciation is by offering your support. Be there for your partner in both good times and bad. Show empathy and understanding when they’re going through a tough time. Offer a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. Let them know that you’re there to support them no matter what.

In addition, it’s important to remember that active listening and support go hand in hand. When you actively listen to your partner, you aren’t only showing them that you appreciate what they’ve to say, but you’re also providing them with the support they need. By actively listening, you’re creating a safe space for them to express themselves and feel understood.

Demonstrate Your Love With Acts of Service

One way to demonstrate your love with acts of service is by actively finding ways to support and help your partner. Acts of kindness and selfless acts can speak volumes about your love and dedication to them. Whether it’s taking care of household chores, running errands, or simply lending a helping hand, these actions show your partner that you’re willing to go the extra mile for them.

Supporting your partner can take many forms. It could mean offering to cook their favorite meal after a long day at work, or helping them with a project they’ve been struggling with. It could also involve taking care of their needs when they aren’t feeling well, or being their biggest cheerleader in pursuing their dreams.

By actively finding ways to support and help your partner, you’re demonstrating that their happiness and well-being are a priority to you. These acts of service show that you’re willing to put their needs before your own, and that you’re committed to making their life easier and more enjoyable.

Spend Quality Time Together to Deepen Your Connection

To deepen your connection with your partner, spend quality time together. By dedicating uninterrupted moments to each other, you can foster a deeper emotional bond and create lasting memories. Quality time allows you to truly connect, understand, and appreciate one another.

Engaging in activities that you both enjoy is a great way to deepen your emotional connection. Whether it’s cooking together, going for a hike, or simply enjoying a movie night at home, these shared experiences create a sense of togetherness and intimacy. These moments allow you to learn more about each other’s likes, dislikes, and passions, further strengthening your connection.

Beyond just shared activities, it’s important to also have meaningful conversations during your quality time together. Open up to each other, share your dreams, fears, and aspirations. Listen actively and show genuine interest in what your partner has to say. This level of vulnerability and understanding will deepen your emotional connection even further.

Surprise Them With Small, Meaningful Gifts

Surprise your loved one with small, meaningful gifts to show them how much they mean to you. A surprise date or a thoughtful present can go a long way in expressing your love and appreciation. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive; it’s the thought behind the gesture that matters. Consider their interests and hobbies when choosing a gift. Maybe they’ve been eyeing a new book, a piece of jewelry, or a gadget they’ve mentioned in passing. By giving them something they’ve wanted or something that aligns with their passions, you’re showing them that you pay attention and care about their happiness.

In addition to physical gifts, handwritten notes can also be a beautiful way to surprise your loved one. Write a heartfelt message expressing your love and gratitude, and leave it somewhere they’ll find it unexpectedly. It could be a simple note left on their pillow, a message written on a mirror, or a letter slipped into their bag. These small gestures can brighten their day and serve as a constant reminder of your love. The personal touch of a handwritten note adds an extra layer of thoughtfulness and sincerity that will surely make them feel cherished.

Physical Touch: Embrace and Show Affection to Convey Your Love

When it comes to conveying your love, physical touch is a powerful tool. The benefits of physical touch are numerous, as it releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and can help reduce stress and promote emotional connection.

Non-verbal communication through touch can express love, comfort, and support. There are various types of affectionate gestures such as holding hands, hugging, or simply placing a gentle hand on their arm.

Benefits of Physical Touch

One of the most powerful ways to convey your love to someone is through physical touch. Physical touch has numerous benefits, including emotional bonding and the importance of physical intimacy.

When you embrace someone or show affection through touch, it creates a strong emotional connection between you and your loved one. Physical touch releases oxytocin, also known as the ‘love hormone,’ which promotes feelings of trust and affection. It can also reduce stress and anxiety, as well as strengthen the bond between partners.

Physical touch is a universal language that communicates love, care, and support without the need for words. It brings comfort, reassurance, and a sense of security, making your loved one feel cherished and valued.

Non-Verbal Communication Through Touch

Embrace and show affection through physical touch to convey your love to the person who means the world to you. Physical touch has a healing power that goes beyond words. The therapeutic effects of touch can create a deep connection and strengthen the bond between you and your loved one.

It has been scientifically proven that touch releases oxytocin, also known as the ‘love hormone,’ which promotes feelings of trust and attachment. However, it’s important to consider cultural differences when it comes to non-verbal communication. Understanding varying attitudes towards touch can help you navigate different social norms and ensure that your physical affection is well-received.

Types of Affectionate Gestures

To convey your love through physical touch, you can show affection and embrace your loved one, creating a deep connection and strengthening your bond. Holding hands is a simple yet powerful gesture that signifies unity and support. It shows that you’re there for each other, offering comfort and reassurance. Whether you’re walking down the street or sitting side by side, holding hands can be a constant reminder of your love and commitment.

Another affectionate gesture is cuddling. This intimate act allows you to be close to your partner, providing a sense of warmth and security. Cuddling releases oxytocin, the ‘love hormone,’ which promotes feelings of trust and affection. It’s a way to show your loved one that you cherish their presence and want to be physically close to them.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can i effectively communicate my feelings to someone i love.

You can effectively communicate your feelings to someone you love by expressing your emotions openly and honestly. Share your love with them through words, actions, and gestures that show how much they mean to you.

What Are Some Ways to Show Appreciation and Support to My Partner?

To show appreciation and support to your partner, surprise them with unexpected gestures and perform acts of service that make their life easier. These small acts can speak volumes and demonstrate your love in meaningful ways.

How Can I Deepen My Connection With Someone Through Spending Quality Time Together?

To deepen your connection with someone, spend quality time together engaging in bonding activities and exploring shared interests. This will create a stronger bond and allow you to appreciate and love each other even more.

What Are Some Thoughtful Gestures I Can Do to Express My Love?

To express your love, you can show thoughtful gestures like surprising them with gift ideas that resonate with their interests or performing acts of service to make their life easier.

How Can Physical Touch Be Used to Convey Love and Affection to Someone?

Physical touch is a powerful way to convey love and affection. It has immense importance and benefits, allowing you to connect on a deeper level. Different ways to express love through physical touch include hugs, kisses, holding hands, and cuddling.

So, there you have it – seven ways to show someone how much you love them.

From thoughtful gestures to heartfelt words, from acts of service to quality time spent together, each action speaks volumes about your love.

Don’t forget the power of surprise gifts and physical affection too.

By combining all of these elements, you can truly convey just how much they mean to you.

So go ahead and let your love shine through in every way possible.

This Is Why I’m In Love With You

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I’m in love with you because you’re lovable. If you were to be put in a line-up of people and someone asked me, “Who would you love the most?”, I would pick you. You know why? You have kind eyes. You have eyes that make everyone else’s look dark and scary, including mine. How does one even get kind eyes? How do I convey warmth and vulnerability all in one glance? I guess I’ll just leave to that you. You’re the nice one in this relationship. You’re the one who makes me want to be more empathetic and stronger.

I’m in love with you because you make me feel safe. It sounds corny and vague. People always talk about feeling safe with someone and you wonder what it even means. I still don’t really know. All I know is that when I’m with you, I feel like I’m clutching a giant thing of pepper spray or reliving a moment of being carried to bed by my parents when I was five years old and fell asleep in front of the television. All day long, I can feel fragile, like a raw nerve, and when I come home to you, it’s like I just put on the thickest winter coat and installed bulletproof windows in my apartment. “Honey, I’m home….and no longer terrified.”

I’m in love with you because I’m not obsessed with you. This is a distinction worth noting, one that took me a long time to learn. In the past, I would confuse obsession with love. If I felt things intensely and regarded my lover as a mentor, it would mean that I was in head over heels. They were all the way up there and I was down here, studying them like a dutiful pupil, and that dynamic felt comfortable to me. That wasn’t real love though. Real love isn’t rife with inequities. I’m in love with you because you’re my equal. We’re on the same page. It’s stable, unlike obsession, which is inherently erratic.

I’m in love with you because you’re my best friend. When people hesitate to call their partner their best friend, I’m incredulous as to why. Shouldn’t we all be falling in love with our best friend? By saying this, we’re not diminishing the value of our platonic friendships. They’re incomparable and exist in completely different realms. You need both to feel fulfilled. I need you, I need them. I need it all.

I’m in love with you because we aren’t afraid to fight. Relationships shouldn’t be a series of highs and lows but they shouldn’t be completely even either. You need to have disagreements in order to know that your love is strong, that it can survive trivial resentments, the debate between whether or not to get hydrangeas or lilies, chicken or steak, an action movie or a romcom. What these tiffs illustrate is the art of compromise. I’m beginning to realize that a big part of love is just relinquishing control and giving up your right to be a total brat. The idea should be that you love them more than any surface decision. You’re fine with being unhappy about the action movie, so long as they’re happy and you know you’ll be rewarded with an extra long orgasm later so it’s fine. Give and take, give and take.

Ryan O'Connell

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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40 Love Paragraphs to Make Your Significant Other Feel Special

Last Updated on February 26, 2024

Table of Contents

These powerful lines from Kool and the Gang’s track “(When You Say You Love Somebody) In the Heart” remind us of one cardinal rule about love. That it must be expressed continually by all partners for the relationship to scale new heights.

However, finding the right words to capture your love and adoration for your partner is usually a challenge, especially for couples that have been together for a reasonable duration. And merely writing “ I love you ” in a text message, email, or love card just won’t cut it. That old and tired line hardly charms anyone nowadays.

Therefore, you must go the extra mile and do a paragraph that will instantly wow your partner and make them feel truly appreciated.

The following are some of the most cute and romantic love paragraphs to write to your partner.

Love Paragraphs for Him

happy young man with smartphone in bed at night

1. Darling, it’s safe to say you are my entire reason for being alive. It’s also safe to say that I’ve fallen deeply in love with you. After everything we’ve been through, the demons we’ve fought and the sadness we’ve endured… we’re still together. Everything we’ve been through has made us stronger. We are unstoppable. Our love is too powerful and we can overcome anything.

2. Do you believe in magic? I didn’t until the first time I gazed upon you. I suddenly believed in magic at that moment. It felt as if you had cast a spell on me the very first time we locked eyes. Now I am forever spellbound. Destined to love you with a passion I cannot even describe. I am glad for my curse that draws me to you, for I see it as a blessing.

3. I could say it a billion times, but it would still not be enough to show the depth and breadth of my love for you. I LOVE YOU. I cannot say it enough. I have fallen for people before, but never like this. You are exceptional, and I am so happy that you chose to be mine.

4. I love you in a place where there’s no space or time. My love is everlasting, ever growing, and ever present. My love for you knows no bounds. I was drawn to you and your soul in a way I can’t explain. It was like I just knew, here he is. This is it. He is it. You’ll never know how much you mean to me. I can only tell you that my soul will love you forever.

5. I know I say I love you all the time, but that’s not enough. Those three words can’t describe the way I feel about you. You make my tummy do flips and my hands shake. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you and I don’t think I will ever love someone this much again. You’re everything I have ever wanted and needed. I am in love with you so much, you’re my everything, my entire heart, my world.

6. It’s amazing the love and care you give me on a daily basis. It’s unequaled, I think I am safer with you. That’s why I am giving all myself to you, because my life is perfect with you, you are a bumper package, and I promise to love you and give you all you need, may God bless you continually for me, because you really deserve much more than I can give you. I love you so much.

7. It started with wanting to spend more time with you. I wasn’t even sure what it was back then, just this feeling I had of wanting more. More time, more information about you, more of your presence in general. I’d make excuses to see you, to ask you questions, to come up to you at events, to be in the same place at the same time. I didn’t know it was love then, I just knew I had to find a way to be around you. It was such a simple need. And it still is. I need you in my life. I need to be around you. Your presence, your smile, your very self. You make me so happy.

8. I want you to know that you are the most important thing in my life. You’re the reason I do everything. When I get up in the morning, I feel so grateful for every second I have with you and have here on earth. You give my life meaning, you give my days such joy, you are the reason I smile. Thank you for being with me, for joining me on this journey through life. Your love is everything to me.

9. Love doesn’t come fully formed. It is a seed that grows. Even when times are hard, don’t curse the dark and keep your candle burning. Good morning my prince charming.

10. People always say one shouldn’t put all eggs in one basket, as a means of security. But baby, I gave you all my heart and love, and you have proved to be worthy of it all, and much more. You are simply one of a kind and one in a million. I have never had a reason to regret saying yes to you three years ago, and I just want to say thanks for being the most amazing partner ever. I love you afresh today, now and forever darling.

11. Sometimes you and I seem like a wild dream, but it’s a dream I want to come true. It seems so impossible. That I should find you, the one other person in this world who fits me so completely and who makes me so happy. Sometimes when we’re together, I’ll look over and you’ll be doing something small—something silly like looking for something to eat in the fridge or scratching your back maybe—and that one small thing causes this surge in my heart. I can’t believe I’m the person who gets to share these moments with you, these small, seemingly-insignificant moments. I never thought this would be what my wildest dream would be like, but I’m so glad they’ve come true.

12. The love we have is greater than any of the story books we’ve read . You are my knight in shining armor and I am your fairy-tale princess. There is no more perfect tale of love to tell. Our love story is filled with adventure, passion and trust. We will never give up on each other. No matter what hardship comes our way. I will ensure that we will always live happily ever after.

13. The years we have spent together as partners have been the best years of my life so far. You have been a huge source of blessing to me, and have helped me grow in all aspects of life. I am a better person because of you, and I just want you to know I will never trade your love for anything. Your love’s worth is life to me, and with hope, I look forward to the years to come with you. Many cheers to you darling, and to a happy ever after for us. Muah.

14. True love is measured, not by how fast you fall, but how committed you are to your partner. I would go to the moon and back to make our relationship stronger and ensure that we are always together. My love for you is undying and always growing. Stay with me forever.

15. What can I say? You’ve been there for me through everything. I know we fight, but every relationship has its ups and downs. I feel so comfortable with you. It’s so easy to talk to you — I feel like I can tell you anything. I’m so proud to say you’re my best friend and my boyfriend — you mean the world to me. I love you so much!

16. What we have together is unique. It is a special bond that is strong and unbreakable. We can make it through anything we encounter and we only grow stronger from the trials we face together. Together, we are strong. Being with you has made me a better person and I can’t believe that I found you. Ever since I met you, I never want to let you go. The attraction that you and I share is one that is so intense and I never want to be separated from you.

17. When I think of perfection, you immediately come to mind. I wanted to thank you for being as perfect as you are. For being the light to lead me through the darkness. Picturing my life without you at this point is impossible and I just wanted to let you know that.

18. You are my world. I’ve honestly fallen deeply in love with you and I am not afraid to say it. We have been through thick and thin and we are still going strong. I can’t imagine my life without you by my side. I am crazy about you and I can’t even explain all these feelings inside of me.

19. You are such a gift to me. Having you in my life is such a blessing. Every day, I thank God that you are in my life and that you are by my side. I am so blessed to be able to call you mine and to be called yours. I pray that I will always be able to give you what you need in life and that you will always be there to hold my hand and that you will continue to walk with me on this journey that we call life.

20. You don’t know how much you mean to me and perhaps it may be the reason why you move even an inch away from me. I must tell you that I am already addicted to you—only God has the power to remove your love from my heart. I love you so much the most amazing husband in the world. I love you with passion my lovely sweetheart.

Love Paragraphs for Her

1. A day that is void of your voice is to mean an incomplete one. For with your voice comes the soul melting laughter which is all I need to have a great and happy day. I hope mine makes you feel the same way. Good morning my Cherie.

2. Everything you do… The way you eat, the way you smile, the way my name rolls off of your tongue… That all is what keeps me going. It gives me so much joy to watch you be you. I would never give my attention to anyone else because I love giving it to you. The day when you were born, it was raining. Actually, it wasn’t raining itself, but heaven was crying for losing the most beautiful angel!

3. I can’t wait to be next to you. I miss being with you, as I am the happiest person whenever you are around. We may be apart but you are always here inside my heart.

4. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone as wonderful as you. But I am so grateful to have your love, support, and affection. Thank you for being you, and for having me by your side. Your presence in a room makes my light feel so much lighter and my heart yearns for you when you are far away from me. Now that we are miles apart, I cannot wait until we are together again. When I see you again, I will never want to leave your side. You are the only person in the world I can imagine building a life with. From the bad times to the wonderful times, with both heartbreak and laughter, you are still my person.

5. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate having you in my life. For helping me through the bad times and being there to help me celebrate the good times, I cherish all of the moments that we share together. There aren’t enough words in the dictionary for me to tell you how thankful I am to have you in my life. I am so lucky to have you by my side. Everything you do for me never goes unnoticed. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone as wonderful as you, but I am eternally grateful to have your love, support, and affection. Thank you for being you, and for having me by your side.

6. I hope you know how much you mean to me. You are such an important part of my life. In fact, you are the center of my life. Everything I do is for us and I hope you know that I am always trying to do the right thing that will make our relationship a stronger one. You have inspired me to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be and I hope that I can somehow repay you for everything that you have done for me. Without you, I would be a completely different person. You have taught me so much about life and because of you, I truly know what love is.

7. I promise you to forever care for you. I give you my word that I will move mountains for you if need be. I will keep you out of harm’s way. I will be anything you need at any given time. No matter what you ask of me, I will do it, because you are the love of my life. You are my everything. Forever.

8. I wish you could understand the depth of my love for you. Perhaps you will have shed the tears of passion to know that a heart like this still exists. I am so addicted to loving you that I can no longer control how I feel for you. I just want to say I love you!

9. My love for you has no beginning and no end. It is cyclical, like life. It is ever-flowing, like the oceans. [And} It is as boundless as the sky and as vast as the universe. When I see your face, I see my past, my present, and my future. When I hold your hand I feel everything inside of me expand. You are my everything. I will love you forever.

10. My world feels dark when you’re not here. Even when I’m out under a cloudless sky, it feels like there’s a haze over everything. Before you, the world was filled with so many lights, streetlights, stars, the moon, and the sun. Now it feels like you are the brightest light in my life. It would explain why I feel so warm around you, how you provide me with the energy and the strength to persevere through my darkest hours. You also shine brilliantly enough that I know I’ll always be able to find my way back to you.

11. Our love is something that is truly special and there is no other love like ours in the world. I feel as if I have won the lottery with you, someone who is so special and magical, who makes my life and my world a thousand times better just by being there. When I look at you, I know that I have truly hit the jackpot. All you have to do in order to warm my heart is be the loving, caring person that you are. Together, we can do so much and help each other realize our dreams because we truly have a love that is special.

12. There will come a day in our lives when you will ask me if I love my life or you more. I will say that I love my life more. You will get mad and leave me, and what you don’t know is that my life is you! I will stop loving you when a blind painter manages to paint the sound of rose petals falling down on the invisible carpet of a castle that doesn’t exist!

13. Whenever I’m with you, I’m different, but in a good way. I smile and laugh more, and I don’t have to pretend that everything is okay. With you, I can drop the facade and just feel and express everything genuinely. I no longer feel hurt and alone and instead, I feel safe and loved. You’re so easy to talk to, to open up to. And in turn, everything you say resonates with me like no other. You have showed me that in this world filled with apathy, there is one person who can love me for who I really am. I really appreciate you being here because with you, I’m different. With you, I’m happy.

14. You are more beautiful than a summer sunset on the ocean horizon. You are more breathtaking than the lush landscape on a mountain. You shine brighter than the stars in the country sky. You are more alluring than any song that was ever sung. I had not seen what the real meaning of beauty was until I found you.

15. You are my match made in heaven. There is never a second where you aren’t there to lift me up when I need you to. I am so incredibly fortunate to have crossed paths with you in the beginning. It has brought us to this beautiful point in our lives. A point where I find that I cannot wait to build with you, grow with you and face the future with you. You are everything I could ever want in a woman. I will never want anything or anyone else. That I can promise.

16. You have a gift, a gift for a language that nobody but you understands. It’s as if you’re a translator, someone who knows the silent language of my heart’s longing. You know and understand what I need in a way nobody else can. You recognize what I’m feeling when even I have a hard time recognizing what it is I’m going through or what it is I need. Your love, patience, and care have allowed me to grow. I feel so full of my love for you. It’s as if my heart has expanded to let it all in, as if my world’s grown bigger so it can make room for all the good that’s come to me through you.

17. You have always been my biggest supporter and fan. You’ve always had my back and in your eyes, I can do nothing wrong which has built my confidence throughout my life. Thank you, darling, for loving me unconditionally and forever! You have made me the man I am today and I will always love you with all my heart. People say they would love to have a wife that would do anything for her husband. I have that in you and I appreciate all that you do and have always done in my life. You will be the love in my heart to eternity.

18. You have inspired me to be the best version of myself. I hope that I can somehow repay you for everything that you have done for me. Without you, I would be a completely different person. You have taught me so much about life and because of you, I know what love is.

19. You may not be here by my side, but I always have you in my heart. I dream about your touch, your scent, you smile…everything about you! I just couldn’t wait to have you back again in my arms.

20. You’re my best friend. The person I can tell all my secrets to, the first person I want to talk to when I wake up, and last person I want to talk to before I drift off to sleep. When something good happens to me, you’re the first person I want to tell. When I’m troubled by something or if I get bad news, you’re the one I go to for comfort and support. But you’re so much more to me than a friend, you’re the love of my life. You’re my friend, my lover, my comfort and my strength. I am so lucky to have you. I just wanted you to know how happy I am to have you in my life.

Have you been struggling to express your unrequited love for your near and dear one? Not anymore. The love paragraphs that we’ve highlighted here will go a long way in helping you to nurture your relationship.

Posted by: Igor Ovsyannnykov

Igor is an SEO specialist, designer, photographer, writer and music producer. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading books, taking photos, producing house music, and learning about cinematography. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games.

How to Write an Essay About Someone You Love

Students write different essays, and it’s a common academic duty. Essays have different purposes and demands. Students perfectly know about them, but the topic of an essay may give them some trouble. Thus, an essay about someone you love may be difficult for many youngsters. Teenagers are commonly shy and reluctant to reveal their feelings.

Thus, many of them request — Write my essay for me, please . They hope to receive professional help from skilled essay writers available online. Professional specialists compose perfect pieces to match the highest academic standards. However, every student can manage this achievement too. You only should try harder and use our helpful tips. We’ll show you how to write a great essay about someone you love.

Choose the Main Character

As you already know what to write about, there is no need for choosing a topic. Nonetheless, you ought to choose the main character in your story. The first person who occurs to the mind is your beloved one (boy or girl). In the meantime, you’re not limited and can likewise write about your parent, friend or even a pet. Love is different and so you’re welcome to choose anyone. Make sure you’re ready to reveal something deeply personal about your feelings.

It’s necessary to be honest and write the truth. However, you’re not obliged to go too personally if you’re not ready to show all your feelings. Dwell upon the reasons the person is dear to you, tell about the day you met and what your love emotions mean to you.

Balance Positive and Negative Characteristics

Every person has good and bad personality traits. As your essay is supposed to be honest, mention both sides. Of course, it’s important to keep a balance between positive and negative characteristics . If you highlight only the best traits of the beloved person, your story will be sweet but not true enough. Therefore, add some facts about things you don’t really like about the person. They may be useful for plot development. After you mention them, tell how and why you can endure them. It’ll prove how strong your feelings are because you love no matter what.

Follow the Standard Essay Writing Plan

As this is a non-scientific paper, you shouldn’t spend time on seeking evidence. Go directly to the writing stage. You should follow a certain structure. Luckily it doesn’t differ from any other essay. Consider the following sections:

Introduction . It tells your readers what your essay will dwell upon. Create a grabber to get the readers’ attention. Begin with a rhetoric question or an intriguing argument. Afterward, implement the thesis statement. It’s supposed to clarify the purpose of your paper.
Main plot . This is a continuation of your thesis statement. You’ll have at least three paragraphs. Each should have one sub-topic that is related to the main one. Never go astray and stick to your thesis. Provide clear and captivating examples, facts, events associated with the person you love.
Conclusion . It’s a brief resume of the entire essay. Restate your thesis once again and underline its importance. Draw a clear conclusion to explain the meaning of your project.

It’s better to write a couple of drafts before you submit the final version. Thus, you’ll be able to check the smoothness of your essay and avoid possible mistakes. Revise it at least twice.

Keep It Short and Catchy

Your love story is supposed to be interesting to read. How to achieve that quality? You require a proper structure, which is readable. It’s essential to make your sentences and paragraphs concise. Thus, it’ll be faster and easier to comprehend what you explain. Every paragraph should cover one point at a time.

For example, the first paragraph may tell about the day you met and what you felt at the moment. The second part should dwell upon the reasons you love that person. The third part reveals what your feelings mean and how they help you. Add all the interesting facts and short stories related to your topic.

What About Jokes?

Some students like to add jokes. However, it’s necessary to understand when they can be added. Most academic papers should be without them and have a formal tone. Nonetheless, an essay about love is an exception. You’ll definitely mention some positive and funny facts about the person you love. Accordingly, jokes are allowed but you should not overdo. A couple of jokes will be enough.

It’s also essential to read some good examples . Our tips are effective enough to write a great love essay. Nevertheless, it’s necessary to see the finished papers with your eyes. Combining our tips with good examples, you’ll receive a clear understanding of how to use theory in practice. Thus, you’ll definitely write a great piece to receive the highest grades.

1000 Reasons Why I Love You (for Her / from Him)

There are a thousand reasons that a man can express to a woman, “I love you.” Below are our top 100 as selected by ListAfterList. But don’t let these be the last word. Let them inspire any of 900 more that you know to be true.

The way you hug me when we first see each other
The way you hug me at random times despite having spent the past 36 hours with you
The way you bend backwards for me when I hug you (bc I’m taller than you)
The way you touch my back up under my shirt
How you let me squeeze your butt whenever I want
Just riding in a car with you anywhere
When you lean all the way across the car to hold my arm and lay on my shoulder
The way you hate driving separately places
Picking up dinner with you from multiple places
Driving 40mins just to get Krispy Kreme donuts for me
The way you kiss me
The way you nuzzle against my chest
The way you hold my hand
The way you stand by my side in a crowded room/bar
Waking up by your side
Rubbing your back as you fall asleep at night
The way you twitch in the middle of the night
How I still, after 1045 times, insist on asking you if you’re ok when you wake up in the middle of the night
The way I worry about you and your safety
How you look into my eyes
How you can make my heart stop with a kiss
How you make me take a deep breath with a kiss
The way you squeeze my hand 3 times
When you bring me food out of the blue
The way you rub my back
The way you stare at me as if I am the sexiest guy on the planet
The way you look when I get all dressed up
The smile you give after I’m done kissing you
The way you act like a dork but make me laugh
Your guilty smile
The way you try things just b/c I am with you
The way you’re not embarrassed to say or do anything in front of me
The look you make when you get jealous
When I’m feeling the worst, you make me feel the happiest
The rare times I get to hear you sing
How you’re the only one who thinks I’m NOT weird
How you’re the only one who gets my joke… and laughs
The way we play stupid games, but you play anyways
How I can never hate you
How you love me like no other
How you tell me long stories that have no meaning, but you know I’ll listen anyway
How you listen to me talk about stupid guy stuff I know you don’t care about
How you forgive me when I screw up
How you hardly ever get mad at me
The way you look after I say “I love you”
The way you refuse to say “I love you 2” – it’s just “I love you”
The way you refuse to let me say “I love you more”
The way you wiggle when you’re nervous
The way you giggle when I touch you
The times alone with you
The times in public with you
The way you’re not embarrassed to call me sweet things in front of anyone
The way you call me in the car
The way you always find a way to see me or talk to me
How you put ME before you friends
How you would do anything I say
The way you get my attention
The way I turn you on, with a simple kiss or touch
How you can just speak your mind
How you can diss parties to just stay home with me all night
How we talk on the phone all night
How we both get along so well
The way we’re so much alike!!
How you make me feel when I think I’m nothing
The way you inspire me with your thoughts and emotions
How you send me little “imu” texts at random times
When you snuggle with me in the middle of the night
The smell of your shampoo
The sight/sound of your car pulling into my parking lot
The way you hold my hand when we’re walking
How you lean towards me in the movie theater seats
Every time you feed me something off your plate
The way you lay with my on the couch
The memories of us on vacation
Sitting by a bonfire with you
Rolling in the snow with you
The trips to my parents
How you have a pictures of me all over your room
How you have a picture of me on your cell phone wallpaper
When you have a picture of me and you as your FB profile pic
How you touch my abs
How you try to play sports with me
How you cook
How you bake
How you leave me creative messages in my bed pillows/sheets
How you get jealous over marks on my body
How you like me when I smell of sweat
How you finally pee in front of me without turning on the faucet
How you want to show me off to friends and family
How you plan our future together
How you name our kids and let me name our boat
When you talk about moving in with me
How pinch me with your toes
How you wash your hair in the bathtub
How you sneeze
How you laugh
How you love
Your sense of smell is awesome
love potion
sweetest day
Valentines Day

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How to Explain Why You Love Someone (9 Things You Can Say)

Are you struggling to explain why you love your partner?

Maybe he’s laughed off your proclamations of love because it’s too soon in the relationship for him.

Perhaps you’re starting to doubt whether you do love him, or whether he cares about you at all.

If so, you’re in the right place. Below are nine reasons you could bring up when explaining why you love someone.

However, I urge you to please read this important message first.

For years, I was stuck in relationships with guys who wouldn’t reciprocate my affection.

I never felt comfortable in these relationships. It always felt like they could leave at any moment, and eventually they would…

Luckily, I was able to turn this problem on its head...and it was mostly due to learning about a little-known aspect of male psychology called the ‘Hero’s Instinct’.

This is a primal instinct which plays a huge role in how men feel about the women in their life. When it’s triggered, men tend to develop a stronger emotional bond

Once you learn how to trigger it, you won’t have to worry about convincing men you’re in love. More likely they’ll be doing that first (you can learn how to make this happen by reading my personal story ).

It’s an easy skill to utilise once you learn how.

If you’re looking to develop secure and passionate relationships with men, click here to learn how I discovered the ‘Hero’s Instinct’ .

From there, our list will help you realise all the reasons why you love him.

Table of Contents

1. You Love Him For Who He Is

Of course, and likely most importantly, you love his personality. You love him for exactly who he is, flaws and all. Maybe you love him because he is assertive and determined, or maybe you love him because he is gentle and laid-back. We are instinctively drawn to a certain type of personality, and more often than not, we’ll be drawn to the same types of men over and over. Some of us can’t resist a “bad boy”, others a “dad type”. Whoever it is we choose, we have to love who they are as a person before we fall for any other part of them. If you didn’t love his personality, you wouldn’t love him at all.

Maybe you love him because he’s very smart, very good at cooking or very good at sports. You love him for whatever makes him special. Even if his special talent is making very good fart noises with his armpit, if you love him, you’ll love him for it. Who he is, is the fundamental reason you fell for him. If you find yourself saying “I wouldn’t change who he is for the world”, then you’ve fallen in love with his personality.

If you’re not sure about your type, or you’d like to see if your man is your type, watch this quick video and take the test - it got mine right!

2. You Think He’s Really Attractive

It might be a superficial reason, but being physically attracted to your man is important! You’re allowed to be a little shallow sometimes! You might love his eyes, or his smile, or his beard or his tummy, whatever floats your boat!

In fact, when you love a person, you find them more attractive than they might really be, and more attractive than you thought they were when you first started dating! Think Beauty and the Beast - finding someone attractive regardless of what they see as “flaws” is a true sign of love. We’re way more likely to ignore their funny-shaped toes or crooked teeth if we’ve fallen deeply in love. Scientifically, we like to think we’re doing quite well for ourselves, that we’ve chosen a good attractive man, so the hotter we find them, the more we might be in love with them.

Let him know that you think he looks great, and tell him that you love the way he looks. It’ll mean the world to him to hear it!

3. You Love His Sense of Humor

Making someone laugh is the perfect way to bond. There’s nothing that feels quite as good as laughing until you shed tears, and getting to do that with the man in your life - perfection! Having the same sense of humor is typically super important in a relationship, unless you don’t enjoy laughter! Maybe you love his sarcastic wit or his goofy dance moves, or maybe you love the way he can find a pun in anything. Whatever it might be, it’s a no brainer that if he makes you laugh, then you love him for it. Studies even show that the more a man makes a woman laugh, the more attractive she’ll find him, and the more likely she’ll be to want to date him, and if the pair laughs together, the more interested they’ll be in each other!

It’s so important that even in the toughest moments, he can still make you smile. Sometimes, making you laugh so hard you pee a little isn’t what you’re looking for. Sometimes, when we say we’re looking for someone with a great sense of humor, it just means we dream of spending our days with someone who doesn’t take life so seriously! You might love your man because he can keep things light in trying times and doesn’t always get bogged down in the minor inconvenience.

4. You Love How Kind He Is

This one seems self-explanatory, if he’s kind to you, that’s certainly one of the reasons you love him. It feels sad to say but being kind to your partner isn’t always a given, if your man goes out of his way to always be nice, kind and caring towards you, then you should definitely feel some extra love for him. We’ve all heard countless heartbreaking stories of relationships gone wrong, where one partner has hurt another with no remorse. It is, unfortunately, all too common to find yourself in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you, or treat you kindly.

It feels a little obvious to say, but it’s a fundamental part of my own love story . I adore my own boyfriend, not just because he treats me nicely, but because he shows me unconditional kindness and strives to never hurt my feelings. It is underrated and yet essential that you love the person you are with, not regardless of how kind they are, but specifically because of that. It’s so easy to be mean or cold, if you’ve found someone who is warm and loving as often as they possibly can be, then let them know that’s why you love them!

5. You Feel Free To Be Yourself With Him

Have you ever felt like you’ve wanted to hide a part of yourself when you’re around certain people? Maybe it was a hobby or an interest, or even a body insecurity. It’s likely that with your partner, you don’t feel this way at all, or at least you shouldn’t. You might love him because he makes you feel like you don’t have to pretend to be anything other than your unique self. When you’re with him, do you feel like you can sing those High School Musical songs you still love? Or do you feel like you can reveal the secrets hidden behind your makeup? If you do, then you’re definitely in love with him, and this is definitely why!

Use this tool to check whether he actually is who he says he is Whether you're married or have just started seeing someone, infidelity rates are on the rise and have increased over 40% in the last 20 years, so you have all the right to be worried.

Perhaps you want to know if he's texting other women behind your back? Or whether he has active Tinder or dating profile? Or worse yet, whether he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool will do just that and pull up any hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more to hopefully help put your doubts to rest.

Not only does it mean that you love him, that you feel comfortable to be exactly who you are with him, but it also means he loves you too! If you can be unapologetically yourself around him, it means he loves you enough to never make you feel like you should be anything different. He never makes you feel judged or wrong for the strange things you like or the most secret hidden parts of you. If you love him for letting you be yourself, then I’d be willing to bet you love him for being himself too. I’m sure he has his quirks too, and you love him anyway. If you can both be exactly who you want to be around each other, then you’re pretty lucky!

6. You Feel Safe With Him

In a world that can be pretty scary at times, it’s important to feel a sense of safety and security. For many of us, we love our boyfriends because they make us feel safe and protected. Evolutionarily, women have always wanted to be with a man who could defend them. In the earliest days, this meant protection from saber-tooth tigers and other angry cavemen. As society continued to evolve, women still relied on men to keep them safe from harm and to provide them with the means to survive - money, a home, and a family. Generations ago, a good man that a woman could feel safe with was one who brought home the bacon, sometimes literally. He didn’t have to be nice, or gentle, only strong and successful to protect his lady and his family from poverty and the gazes of other men.

These days, we don’t need, or want, any of that. We are financially independent and strong enough to fight our own battles. Dangers don’t come in the form of tigers and Vikings, but we still crave the feeling of protection from a man. We don’t need a big strong masculine man to sweep us off our feet and keep us safe from harm. To me, feeling safe now means to trust I’m in no danger.

I know that with my own boyfriend, I never have to wonder if I might be hurt, in a crowd, or in the car. He drives carefully with me and stands in front of me when we cross the road. I bet your partners do similar, small acts of protectiveness that make you feel secure with him. If you feel safe, emotionally and physically with your man, chances are, that’s something you love him for.

7. You Love That Can Count On Him

Being reliable is a very attractive quality, and if your boyfriend can be relied on then you’ll definitely love him for it. No one wants to be committed to a flaky mess, and chances are, if they aren’t reliable, they probably aren’t that committed to you either. Can you count on him to be there for you when the chips are down? Being supported by the person you love through your hardest times is all anyone could ever want, and if you receive that kind of comfort from your partner, you’ll most likely love him for it.

Spontaneity is a good characteristic to have, but it’s also valuable to have a man who is predictable at times. It’s comforting to know that if you needed him, he would be there. Whether it’s support in the face of tragedy or a lift to a doctor’s appointment, you can’t go wrong with a partner who can be relied on to be there for you. We could never expect him to drop everything to run to our side for a broken nail, but it feels great to know that he will be there through thick and thin - and we’d be there for them too.

8. He Makes You Want To Be A Better Person

It might be cliche to say that you love him because he makes you want to be a better person, but it’s almost always true. Real love will transform you in so many ways, because of your devotion to another person. You love him because he makes you want to check all of your bad habits and change those bad behaviors. You love him so deeply that you know you have to treat him as well as he deserves, so you learn to put your own selfishness aside. When you love a person, you suddenly find yourself wanting to try. Try to be a better person, try to achieve those lifelong goals of yours, try to put more good into the world. A core reason to love any person is that they inspire you to be better and to do better.

Sometimes, they might even inspire you to be a healthier person, mentally and physically. When my parents met, my Dad was a heavy smoker and my Mum couldn’t stand it. He quit cold turkey, as soon as he thought he might lose her over it. They’ve been happily married for over 20 years now, and his lungs are as healthy as can be. Some might quit unhealthy habits, some might decide to get fit, others are inspired to improve their mental health. When you him, you’ll probably find yourself looking at the world through rose-colored lenses, and you’ll want to be better, kinder and happier. You love him because his love makes you want to be the best version of yourself, because that’s what he deserves.

9. He Inspires You To Shoot For The Stars

True love is one that can exist beside all your wildest hopes and dreams. Love knows no bounds and one of the main reasons you might love your boyfriend is that he encourages you and inspires you to achieve all your dreams. In the past, women have had to put their goals on hold to preserve their relationships, marriages, and families, but not anymore. Your partner should encourage you to take on all of your hopes and dreams, and offer to be right beside you while you do it, and you probably love them for that.

Sometimes it can be easy to get lost in self-doubt, and in those times, we’re so thankful for a partner who pushes us to keep trying. It can be hard to watch the person you love made big changes, whether that means moving across the country, or taking on new work that might use up more of their time. When your man fully supports the choices you make and encourages you to keep going even when those choices don’t always benefit them, they’re being entirely unselfish - because they love you so much. When a person you love wants the best for you, you feel so motivated to keep trying. You’ll love you boyfriend even more when you see them cheering for you, no matter what your goal is, no matter the impact on him, because he wants to see you happy.

Did this list help you? If you like it, let us know in the comments and share it with the people you love.

It’s so important to tell the people you love how you feel, and to tell them what makes you feel that way. Maybe you’ll even get lucky and they’ll tell you their reasons too! Spread the love!

Tell us in the comments some of the reasons you love your man, and if some of mine might have helped you out!

Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.

Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?

This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.

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Sat / act prep online guides and tips, how to write a perfect "why this college" essay.

College Essays

Did you think you were all done pouring out your blood, sweat, and tears in written form for your personal statement , only to be faced with the "why this college?" supplemental essay? This question might seem simple but is in fact a crucial and potentially tricky part of many college applications. What exactly is the "why us?" essay trying to understand about you? And how do you answer this question without falling into its many pitfalls or making any rookie mistakes?

In this article, I'll explain why colleges want you to be able to explain why you are applying. I'll also discuss how to generate and brainstorm topics for this question and how to make yourself sound sincere and committed. Finally, we'll go over some "why this school?" essay do s and don't s.

This article is pretty detailed, so here's a brief overview of what we'll be covering:

Why Do Colleges Want You to Write a "Why Us?" Essay?

Two types of "why this college" essay prompts, step 1: research the school, step 2: brainstorm potential essay topics, step 3: nail the execution, example of a great "why this college" essay.

College admissions officers have to read an incredible amount of student work to put together a winning class, so trust me when I say that everything they ask you to write is meaningful and important .

The purpose of the "why us?" essay goes two ways. On one hand, seeing how you answer this question gives admissions officers a sense of whether you know and value their school .

On the other hand, having to verbalize why you are applying gives you the chance to think about what you want to get out of your college experience and whether your target schools fit your goals and aspirations.

What Colleges Get Out Of Reading Your "Why This College?" Essay

Colleges want to check three things when they read this essay.

First, they want to see that you have a sense of what makes this college different and special.

Do you know something about the school's mission, history, or values?
Have you thought about the school's specific approach to learning?
Are you comfortable with the school's traditions and the overall feel of student life here?

Second, they want proof that you will be a good fit for the school.

Where do your interests lie? Do they correspond to this school's strengths?
Is there something about you that meshes well with some aspect of the school?
How will you contribute to college life? How will you make your mark on campus?

And third, they want to see that this school will, in turn, be a good fit for you.

What do you want to get out of college? Will this college be able to provide that? Will this school contribute to your future success?
What will you take advantage of on campus (e.g., academic programs, volunteer or travel opportunities, internships, or student organizations)?
Will you succeed academically? Does this school provide the right rigor and pace for your ideal learning environment?

What You Get Out Of Writing Your "Why This College?" Essay

Throughout this process of articulating your answers to the questions above, you will also benefit in a couple of key ways:

It Lets You Build Excitement about the School

Finding specific programs and opportunities at schools you are already happy about will give you a grounded sense of direction for when you start school . At the same time, by describing what is great about schools that are low on your list, you'll likely boost your enthusiasm for these colleges and keep yourself from feeling that they're nothing more than lackluster fallbacks.

It Helps You Ensure That You're Making the Right Choice

Writing the "why us?" essay can act as a moment of clarity. It's possible that you won't be able to come up with any reasons for applying to a particular school. If further research fails to reveal any appealing characteristics that fit with your goals and interests, this school is likely not for you.

At the end of your four years, you want to feel like this, so take your "Why This College?" essay to heart.

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The "why this college?" essay is best thought of as a back-and-forth between you and the college . This means that your essay will really be answering two separate, albeit related, questions:

"Why us?": This is where you explain what makes the school special in your eyes, what attracted you to it, and what you think you'll get out of your experience there.
"Why you?": This is the part where you talk about why you'll fit in at the school; what qualities, skills, talents, or abilities you'll contribute to student life; and how your future will be impacted by the school and its opportunities.

Colleges usually use one of these approaches to frame this essay , meaning that your essay will lean heavier toward whichever question is favored in the prompt. For example, if the prompt is all about "why us?" you'll want to put your main focus on praising the school. If the prompt instead is mostly configured as "why you?" you'll want to dwell at length on your fit and potential.

It's good to remember that these two prompts are simply two sides of the same coin. Your reasons for wanting to apply to a particular school can be made to fit either of these questions.

For instance, say you really want the chance to learn from the world-famous Professor X. A "why us?" essay might dwell on how amazing an opportunity studying with him would be for you, and how he anchors the Telepathy department.

Meanwhile, a "why you?" essay would point out that your own academic telepathy credentials and future career goals make you an ideal student to learn from Professor X, a renowned master of the field.

Next up, I'll show you some real-life examples of what these two different approaches to the same prompt look like.

Clarifying why you want to study with a particular professor in a specific department can demonstrate to college admissions staff that you've done your research on the school.

"Why Us?" Prompts

Why [this college]?
Why are you interested in [this college]?
Why is [this college] a good choice for you?
What do you like best about [this college]?
Why do you want to attend [this college]?

Below are some examples of actual "why us?" college essay prompts:

Colorado College : "Describe how your personal experiences with a particular community make you a student who would benefit from Colorado College’s Block Plan."
Tufts University : " I am applying to Tufts because… "
Tulane University : "Describe why you are interested in joining the Tulane community. Consider your experiences, talents, and values to illustrate what you would contribute to the Tulane community if admitted." (via the Common App )
University of Michigan : "Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests?"
Wellesley College : " When choosing a college, you are choosing an intellectual community and a place where you believe that you can live, learn, and flourish. We know that there are more than 100 reasons to choose Wellesley, but it's a good place to start. Visit the Wellesley 100 and select two items that attract, inspire, or celebrate what you would bring to our community. Have fun! Use this opportunity to reflect personally on what items appeal to you most and why. "

In a "why us?" essay, focus on the specific aspects of the school that appeal to you and how you will flourish because of those offerings.

"Why You?" Prompts

Why are you a good match or fit for us?
What are your interests, and how will you pursue them at [this college]?
What do you want to study, and how will that correspond to our program?
What or how will you contribute?
Why you at [this college]?
Why are you applying to [this college]?

Here are some examples of the "why you?" version of the college essay:

Babson College : " A defining element of the Babson experience is learning and thriving in an equitable and inclusive community with a wide range of perspectives and interests. Please share something about your background, lived experiences, or viewpoint(s) that speaks to how you will contribute to and learn from Babson's collaborative community. "
Bowdoin College : "Generations of students have found connection and meaning in Bowdoin's 'The Offer of the College.' ... Which line from the Offer resonates most with you? Optional: The Offer represents Bowdoin's values. Please reflect on the line you selected and how it has meaning to you." (via the Common App )

In a "why you?" essay, focus on how your values, interests, and motivations align with the school's offerings and how you'll contribute to campus life.

No matter how the prompt is worded, this essay is a give-and-take of what you and the college have to offer each other. Your job is to quickly zoom in on your main points and use both precision and detail to sound sincere, excited, and authentic.

How do you effectively explain the benefits you see this particular school providing for you and the contributions you will bring to the table as a student there? And how can you do this best using the small amount of space that you have (usually just one to two paragraphs)?

In this section, we'll go through the process of writing the "Why This College?" essay, step-by-step. First, I'll talk about the prep work you'll need to do. Next, we'll go through how to brainstorm good topics (and touch on what topics to avoid). I'll give you some tips on transforming your ideas and research into an actual essay. Finally, I'll take apart an actual "why us?" essay to show you why and how it works.

Before you can write about a school, you'll need to know specific things that make it stand out and appeal to you and your interests . So where do you look for these? And how do you find the details that will speak to you? Here are some ways you can learn more about a school.

In-Person Campus Visits

If you're going on college tours , you've got the perfect opportunity to gather information about the school. Bring a notepad and write down the following:

Your tour guide's name
One to two funny, surprising, or enthusiastic things your guide said about the school
Any unusual features of the campus, such as buildings, sculptures, layout, history, or traditions

Try to also connect with students or faculty while you're there. If you visit a class, note which class it is and who teaches it. See whether you can briefly chat with a student (e.g., in the class you visit, around campus, or in a dining hall), and ask what they like most about the school or what has been most surprising about being there.

Don't forget to write down the answer! Trust me, you'll forget it otherwise—especially if you do this on multiple college visits.

Virtual Campus Visits

If you can't visit a campus in person, the next best thing is an online tour , either from the school's own website or from other websites, such as YOUniversityTV , CampusTours , or YouTube (search "[School Name] + tour").

You can also connect with students without visiting the campus in person . Some admissions websites list contact information for currently enrolled students you can email to ask one or two questions about what their experience of the school has been like.

Or if you know what department, sport, or activity you're interested in, you can ask the admissions office to put you in touch with a student who is involved with that particular interest.

If you can't visit a campus in person, request a video chat with admissions staff, a current student, or a faculty member to get a better sense of specific topics you might write about in your essay.

Alumni Interview

If you have an interview , ask your interviewer questions about their experience at the school and about what going to that school has done for them since graduation. As always, take notes!

College Fairs

If you have a chance to go to a college fair where your ideal college has representatives, don't just attend and pick up a brochure. Instead, e ngage the representatives in conversation, and ask them about what they think makes the school unique . Jot down notes on any interesting details they tell you.

The College's Own Materials

Colleges publish lots and lots of different admissions materials—and all of these will be useful for your research. Here are some suggestions for what you can use. (You should be able to find all of the following resources online.)

Brochures and Course Catalogs

Read the mission statement of the school; does its educational philosophy align with yours? You should also read through its catalogs. Are there any programs, classes, departments, or activities that seem tailor-made for you in some way?

Pro Tip: These interesting features you find should be unusual in some way or different from what other schools offer. For example, being fascinated with the English department isn't going to cut it unless you can discuss its unusual focus, its world-renowned professors, or the different way it structures the major that appeals to you specifically.

Alumni Magazine

Are any professors highlighted? Does their research speak to you or connect with a project you did in high school or for an extracurricular?

Sometimes alumni magazines will highlight a college's new focus or new expansion. Does the construction of a new engineering school relate to your intended major? There might also be some columns or letters written by alumni who talk about what going to this particular school has meant to them. What stands out about their experiences?

School or Campus Newspaper

Students write about the hot issues of the day, which means that the articles will be about the best and worst things on campus . It'll also give you insight into student life, opportunities that are available to students, activities you can do off campus, and so on.

The College's Social Media

Your ideal school is most likely on Facebook, X (formerly Twitter), Instagram, TikTok, and other social media. Follow the school to see what it's posting about. Are there any exciting new campus developments? Professors in the news? Interesting events, clubs, or activities?

The Internet

Wikipedia is a great resource for learning basic details about a college's history, traditions, and values. I also recommend looking for forums on College Confidential that specifically deal with the school you're researching.

Another option is to search on Google for interesting phrases, such as "What students really think about [School Name]" or "[School Name] student forum." This will help you get detailed points of view, comments about specific programs or courses, and insight into real student life.

So what should you do now that you've completed a bunch of research? Answer: use it to develop connection points between you and your dream school. These connections will be the skeleton of your "why this college?" essay.

Find the Gems in Your Research

You have on hand all kinds of information, from your own personal experiences on campus and your conversations with people affiliated with your ideal school to what you've learned from campus publications and tidbits gleaned from the web.

Now, it's time to sift through all of your notes to find the three to five things that really speak to you. Link what you've learned about the school to how you can plug into this school's life, approach, and environment. That way, no matter whether your school's prompt is more heavily focused on the "why us?" or "why you?" part of the give-and-take, you'll have an entry point into the essay.

But what should these three to five things be? What should you keep in mind when you're looking for the gem that will become your topic?

Here are some words of wisdom from Calvin Wise , director of recruitment and former associate director of admissions at Johns Hopkins University (emphasis mine):

" Focus on what makes us unique and why that interests you. Do your research, and articulate a multidimensional connection to the specific college or university. We do not want broad statements (the brick pathways and historic buildings are beautiful) or a rehash of the information on our website (College X offers a strong liberal arts curriculum). All institutions have similarities. We want you to talk about our differences. "

Time to find that diamond, amethyst, opal, tourmaline, or amber in the rough.

Check Your Gems for Color and Clarity

When I say "check your gems," I mean make sure that each of the three to five things you've found is something your ideal school has that other schools don't have.

This something should be seen from your own perspective. The point isn't to generically praise the school but instead to go into detail about why it's so great for you that they have this thing.

This something you find should be meaningful to the school and specific to you. For example, if you focus on academics (e.g., courses, instructors, opportunities, or educational philosophy), find a way to link them either to your previous work or to your future aspirations.

This something should not be shallow and nonspecific. Want to live in a city? Every city has more than one college in it. Find a way to explain why this specific college in this specific city calls to you. Like pretty architecture? Many schools are beautiful, so dwell on why this particular place feels unlike any other. Like good weather, beach, skiing, or some other geographical attribute? There are many schools located near these places, and they know that people enjoy sunbathing. Either build a deeper connection or skip these as reasons.

Convert Your Gems into Essay Topics

Every "why this college?" essay is going to answer both the "why us?" and the "why you?" parts of the back-and-forth equation. But depending on which way your target school has worded its prompt, you'll lean more heavily on that part . This is why I'm going to split this brainstorming into two parts—to go with the "why us?" and "why you?" types of questions.

Of course, since they are both sides of the same coin, you can always easily flip each of these ideas around to have it work well for the other type of prompt . For example, a "why us?" essay might talk about how interesting the XYZ interdisciplinary project is and how it fits well with your senior project.

By contrast, a "why you?" essay would take the same idea but flip it to say that you've learned through your senior project how you deeply value an interdisciplinary approach to academics, making you a great fit for this school and its commitment to such work, as evidenced by project XYZ.

Describing how project XYZ demonstrates your investment in a particular course of study that then happens to align with a specific program at the university is an effective approach to the "why you?" essay.

Possible "Why Us?" Topics

How a particular program of study, internship requirement, or volunteer connection will help further your specific career goals .
The school's interesting approach to your future major (if you know what that will be) or a major that combines several disciplines that appeal to you and fit with your current academic work and interests.
How the school handles financial aid and the infrastructure setup for low-income students and what that means for you in terms of opening doors.
A story about how you became interested in the school (if you learned about it in an interesting way). For example, did the institution host a high school contest you took part in? Did you attend an art exhibit or stage performance there that you enjoyed and that your own artistic work aligns with?
How you overcame an initial disinterest in the school (be sure to minimize this first negative impression). Did you do more research? Interact with someone on campus? Learn about the school's commitment to the community? Learn about interesting research being done there?
A positive interaction you had with current students, faculty, or staff, as long as this is more than just, "Everyone I met was really nice."
An experience you had while on a campus tour. Was there a super-passionate tour guide? Any information that surprised you? Did something happen to transform your idea about the school or campus life (in a good way)?
Interesting interdisciplinary work going on at the university and how that connects with your academic interests, career goals, or previous high school work.
The history of the school —but only if it's meaningful to you in some way. Has the school always been committed to fostering minority, first-generation, or immigrant students? Was it founded by someone you admire? Did it take an unpopular (but, to you, morally correct) stance at some crucial moment in history?
An amazing professor you can't wait to learn from. Is there a chemistry professor whose current research meshes with a science fair project you did? A professor who's a renowned scholar on your favorite literary or artistic period or genre? A professor whose book on economics finally made you understand the most recent financial crisis?
A class that sounds fascinating , especially if it's in a field you want to major in.
A facility or piece of equipment you can't wait to work in or with and that doesn't exist in many other places. Is there a specialty library with rare medieval manuscripts? Is there an observatory?
A required curriculum that appeals to you because it provides a solid grounding in the classics, shakes up the traditional canon, connects all the students on campus in one intellectual project, or is taught in a unique way.

If the school can boast a cutting-edge laboratory where you dream of conducting research, that would be a strong focus for a "Why Us?" essay.

Possible "Why You?" Topics

Do you want to continue a project you worked on in high school? Talk about how or where in the current course, club, and program offerings this work would fit in. Why will you be a good addition to the team?
Have you always been involved in a community service project that's already being done on campus? Write about integrating life on campus with events in the surrounding community.
Do you plan to keep performing in the arts, playing music, working on the newspaper, or engaging in something else you were seriously committed to in high school? Discuss how excited you are to join that existing organization.
Are you the perfect person to take advantage of an internship program (e.g., because you have already worked in this field, were exposed to it through your parents, or have completed academic work that gives you some experience with it)?
Are you the ideal candidate for a study abroad opportunity (e.g., because you can speak the language of the country, it's a place where you've worked or studied before, or your career goals are international in some respect)?
Are you a stand-out match for an undergraduate research project (e.g., because you'll major in this field, you've always wanted to work with this professor, or you want to pursue research as a career option)?
Is there something you were deeply involved with that doesn't currently exist on campus? Offer to start a club for it. And I mean a club; you aren't going to magically create a new academic department or even a new academic course, so don't try offering that. If you do write about this, make double (and even triple) sure that the school doesn't already have a club, course, or program for this interest.
What are some of the programs or activities you plan to get involved with on campus , and what unique qualities will you bring to them?
Make this a mini version of a personal statement you never wrote. Use this essay as another chance to show a few more of the skills, talents, or passions that don't appear in your actual college essay. What's the runner-up interest that you didn't write about? What opportunity, program, or offering at the school lines up with it?

One way to impress admissions staff in a "Why You?" essay is to discuss your fascination with a particular topic in a specific discipline, such as kinetic sculpture, and how you want to pursue that passion (e.g., as a studio art major).

Possible Topics for a College That's Not Your First Choice

If you're writing about a school you're not completely psyched about, one way to sidestep the issue is to focus on what getting this degree will do for you in the future . How do you see yourself changing existing systems, helping others, or otherwise succeeding?
Alternatively, discuss what the school values academically, socially, environmentally, or philosophically and how this connects with what you also care about . Does it have a vegan, organic, and cruelty-free cafeteria? A relationship with a local farm or garden? De-emphasized fraternity involvement? Strong commitment to environmental issues? Lots of opportunities to contribute to the community surrounding the school? Active inclusion and a sense of belonging for various underrepresented groups?
Try to find at least one or two features you're excited about for each of the schools on your list. If you can't think of a single reason why this would be a good place for you to go, maybe you shouldn't be applying there!

Topics to Avoid in Your Essay

Don't write about general characteristics, such as a school's location (or the weather in that location), reputation, or student body size. For example, anyone applying to the Webb Institute , which has just about 100 students , should by all means talk about having a preference for tiny, close-knit communities. By contrast, schools in sunny climates know that people enjoy good weather, but if you can't connect the outdoors with the college itself, think of something else to say.
Don't talk about your sports fandom. Saying, "I can see myself in crimson and white/blue and orange/[some color] and [some other color]" is both overused and not a persuasive reason for wanting to go to a particular college. After all, you could cheer for a team without going to the school! Unless you're an athlete, you're an aspiring mascot performer, or you have a truly one-of-a-kind story to tell about your link to the team, opt for a different track.
Don't copy descriptions from the college's website to tell admissions officers how great their institution is. They don't want to hear praise; they want to hear how you connect with their school. So if something on the college brochure speaks to you, explain why this specific detail matters to you and how your past experiences, academic work, extracurricular interests, or hobbies relate to that detail.
Don't use college rankings as a reason you want to go to a school. Of course prestige matters, but schools that are ranked right next to each other on the list are at about the same level of prestige. What makes you choose one over the other?
If you decide to write about a future major, don't just talk about what you want to study and why . Make sure that you also explain why you want to study this thing at this particular school . What do they do differently from other colleges?
Don't wax poetic about the school's pretty campus. "From the moment I stepped on your campus, I knew it was the place for me" is another cliché—and another way to say basically nothing about why you actually want to go to this particular school. Lots of schools are pretty, and many are pretty in the exact same way.

Pop quiz: This pretty gothic building is on what college campus? Yes, that's right—it could be anywhere.

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When you've put together the ideas that will make up your answer to the "why us?" question, it's time to build them into a memorable essay. Here are some tips for doing that successfully:

Jump right in. The essay is short, so there's no need for an introduction or conclusion. Spend the first paragraph delving into your best one or two reasons for applying. Then, use the second paragraph to go into slightly less detail about reasons 2 (or 3) through 5.
To thine own self be true. Write in your own voice, and be sincere about what you're saying. Believe me—the reader can tell when you mean it and when you're just blathering!
Details, details, details. Show the school that you've done your research. Are there any classes, professors, clubs, or activities you're excited about at the school? Be specific (e.g., "I'm fascinated by the work Dr. Jenny Johnson has done with interactive sound installations").
If you plan on attending if admitted, say so. Colleges care about the numbers of acceptances deeply, so it might help to know you're a sure thing. But don't write this if you don't mean it!
Don't cut and paste the same essay for every school. At least once, you'll most likely forget to change the school name or some other telling detail. You also don't want to have too much vague, cookie-cutter reasoning, or else you'll start to sound bland and forgettable.

For more tips, check out our step-by-step essay-writing advice .

Avoid cookie-cutter responses to "why this college?" essay prompts. Instead, provide an essay that's personalized to that particular institution.

At this point, it'll be helpful to take a look at a "why us?" essay that works and figure out what the author did to create a meaningful answer to this challenging question.

Here is a "Why Tufts?" essay from James Gregoire '19 for Tufts University :

It was on my official visit with the cross country team that I realized Tufts was the perfect school for me. Our topics of conversation ranged from Asian geography to efficient movement patterns, and everyone spoke enthusiastically about what they were involved in on campus. I really related with the guys I met, and I think they represent the passion that Tufts' students have. I can pursue my dream of being a successful entrepreneur by joining the Tufts Entrepreneurs Society, pursuing an Entrepreneurial Leadership minor, and taking part in an up-and-coming computer science program.

Here are some of the main reasons this essay is so effective:

Interaction with current students. James writes about hanging out with the cross-country team and sounds excited about meeting them.
"I'm a great fit." He uses the conversation with the cross-country team members to talk about his own good fit here ("I really related with the guys I met").
Why the school is special. James also uses the conversation as a way to show that he enjoys the variety of opportunities Tufts offers (their fun conversation covers Asian geography, movement patterns, and other things they "were involved with on campus").
Taking advantage of this specialness. James doesn't just list things Tufts offers but also explains which of them are of specific value to him. He's interested in being an entrepreneur, so the Tufts Entrepreneurs Society and the Entrepreneurial Leadership courses appeal to him.
Awareness of what the school is up to. Finally, James shows that he's aware of the latest Tufts developments when he mentions the new computer science program.

The Bottom Line: Writing a Great "Why This College?" Essay

Proof that you understand what makes this college different and special
Evidence that you'll be a good fit at this school
Evidence that this college will, in turn, be a good fit for you

The prompt may be phrased in one of two ways: "Why us?" or "Why you?" But these are sides of the same coin and will be addressed in your essay regardless of the prompt style.

Writing the perfect "why this school?" essay requires you to first research the specific qualities and characteristics of this school that appeal to you. You can find this information by doing any or all of the following:

Visiting campuses in person or virtually to interact with current students and faculty
Posing questions to your college interviewer or to representatives at college fairs
Reading the college's own materials , such as its brochures, official website, alumni magazine, campus newspaper, and social media
Looking at other websites that talk about the school

To find a topic to write about for your essay, find the three to five things that really speak to you about the school , and then link each of them to yourself, your interests, your goals, or your strengths.

Avoid using clichés that could be true for any school, such as architecture, geography, weather, or sports fandom. Instead, focus on the details that differentiate your intended school from all the others .

What's Next?

Are you also working on your personal statement? If you're using the Common App, check out our complete breakdown of the Common App prompts and learn how to pick the best prompt for you .

If you're applying to a University of California school, we've got an in-depth article on how to write effective UC personal statements .

And if you're submitting ApplyTexas applications, read our helpful guide on how to approach the many different ApplyTexas essay prompts .

Struggling with the college application process as a whole? Our expert guides teach you how to ask for recommendations , how to write about extracurriculars , and how to research colleges .

Want to improve your SAT score by 160 points or your ACT score by 4 points? We've written a guide for each test about the top 5 strategies you must be using to have a shot at improving your score. Download them for free now:

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Of the Many Reasons to Love Research

I am constantly asked why I do research and what it is I like about it. For me, it’s more than just gaining experience or improving my resume, it’s every reason— whether good or bad, frustrating or exciting, mundane or extraordinary. There are plenty of reasons to love and to do research, here are a few that come to mind:

Research makes a difference . There is nothing cooler than knowing that you are contributing to the discovery or development of something that can make a difference in people’s lives or a change in the world! Every contribution matters!
Research introduces you to great people! Not only does working in research give you the opportunity to work alongside incredible faculty mentors, research also provides the opportunity to work with a mentor and lab group that may serve as guides, counselors, and as friends outside of lab! Shout out to the Mitragotri Group!
Research is applicable. One really cool thing about research is that it transcends beyond what is taught in the classroom and enables you to apply all that you know or have been taught and apply that knowledge into what you are learning and doing in lab.
Research can help you! As mentioned above, research can enhance both your professional and academic credentials for future graduate/professional school or for career advancement. It can also help support applications for internships, scholarships, and other awards!
Research opens doors. Participating in research can afford the opportunity to go present your work at professional conferences, to meet other researchers like yourself, and to participate in great events. Research can also aid in networking and in making contacts early into your career! (Check out Lunch with Faculty every quarter!)
Research changes the pace . Unlike with practice set exercises or protocol lab experiments with predetermined solutions and expected results, research has you come up with the experiments but also has you come up with the answer. Research makes you think differently by engaging you in the creation of new knowledge.
Research is challenging. Sometimes, experiments don’t go as well as planned or give you unexpected results. And that’s okay! In these cases, you’re given the opportunity to question you process, make changes, and to think beyond. Research stretches your mind, and challenges and tests you to think of new ideas, new reasons, and new possibilities.
Research is the future. It’s exciting to be a part of an adventure that will change the face of the future. Research is constantly pushing the frontiers of knowledge, and it’s crazy to think that the theory, the process, or the discovery you make today may determine how the world is structured tomorrow.
Research doesn’t stop . Every study and every project in the world of research not only provides insights, answers, and details, it poses new questions. And even in the case where answers may be inconclusive, it still puts into consideration what it would take to solidify those answers.
Research changes you. Somewhere along the way, research helps build traits and characteristics like independent thinking, resilience, communication, and creativity. Research can help mold you into the person you’d like to be while also changing all that you do, value, and hope to achieve!

Whether you’re in research or interested in research, what excites you? Why do you do research? And why do you love it?

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Essay 2: UPenn
Essay 3: UW Madison
Essay 4: Northwestern
Essay 5: NYU
Essay 6: NYU
Essay 7: Boston University
Essay 8: Boston University
Essay 9: Tufts
Essay 10: Tufts
Essay 11: Georgia Tech
Essay 12: Georgia Tech

Where to Get Your Essays Edited

The “ Why This College?” essay is one of the most common supplemental prompts. These school-specific essays help colleges understand if you’re a good fit for them, and if they’re a good fit for you.

In this post, we’ll share 12 “Why This College?” essay examples from real students and explain what they did well, and what could be improved. Read these examples to understand how to write a strong supplemental essay that improves your chances of acceptance.

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.

Essay Example #1: UPenn Nursing

Prompt: How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying (650 words).

Sister Simone Roach, a theorist of nursing ethics, said, “caring is the human mode of being.” I have long been inspired by Sister Roach’s Five C’s of Caring: commitment, conscience, competence, compassion, and confidence. Penn both embraces and fosters these values through a rigorous, interdisciplinary curriculum and unmatched access to service and volunteer opportunities.

COMMITMENT. Reading through the activities that Penn Quakers devote their time to (in addition to academics!) felt like drinking from a firehose in the best possible way. As a prospective nursing student with interests outside of my major, I value this level of flexibility. I plan to leverage Penn’s liberal arts curriculum to gain an in-depth understanding of the challenges LGBT people face, especially regarding healthcare access. Through courses like “Interactional Processes with LGBT Individuals” and volunteering at the Mazzoni Center for outreach, I hope to learn how to better support the Penn LGBT community as well as my family and friends, including my cousin, who came out as trans last year.

CONSCIENCE. As one of the first people in my family to attend a four-year university, I wanted a school that promoted a sense of moral responsibility among its students. At Penn, professors challenge their students to question and recreate their own set of morals by sparking thought- provoking, open-minded discussions. I can imagine myself advocating for universal healthcare in courses such as “Health Care Reform & Future of American Health System” and debating its merits with my peers. Studying in an environment where students confidently voice their opinions – conservative or liberal – will push me to question and strengthen my value system.

COMPETENCE. Two aspects that drew my attention to Penn’s BSN program were its high-quality research opportunities and hands-on nursing projects. Through its Office of Nursing Research, Penn connects students to faculty members who share similar research interests. As I volunteered at a nursing home in high school, I hope to work with Dr. Carthon to improve the quality of care for senior citizens. Seniors, especially minorities, face serious barriers to healthcare that I want to resolve. Additionally, Penn’s unique use of simulations to bridge the gap between classroom learning and real-world application impressed me. Using computerized manikins that mimic human responses, classes in Penn’s nursing program allow students to apply their emergency medical skills in a mass casualty simulation and monitor their actions afterward through a video system. Participating in this activity will help me identify my strengths and areas for improvement regarding crisis management and medical care in a controlled yet realistic setting. Research opportunities and simulations will develop my skills even before I interact with patients.

COMPASSION. I value giving back through community service, and I have a particular interest in Penn’s Community Champions and Nursing Students For Sexual & Reproductive Health (NSRH). As a four-year volunteer health educator, I hope to continue this work as a Community Champions member. I am excited to collaborate with medical students to teach fourth and fifth graders in the city about cardiology or lead a chair dance class for the elders at the LIFE Center. Furthermore, as a feminist who firmly believes in women’s abortion rights, I’d like to join NSRH in order to advocate for women’s health on campus. At Penn, I can work with like-minded people to make a meaningful difference.

CONFIDENCE. All of the Quakers that I have met possess one defining trait: confidence. Each student summarized their experiences at Penn as challenging but fulfilling. Although I expect my coursework to push me, from my conversations with current Quakers I know it will help me to be far more effective in my career.

The Five C’s of Caring are important heuristics for nursing, but they also provide insight into how I want to approach my time in college. I am eager to engage with these principles both as a nurse and as a Penn Quaker, and I can’t wait to start.

What the Essay Did Well

This essay has many positive aspects, but the most impressive one is the structure. Utilizing the Five C’s of Caring to discuss Penn’s offerings was a genius way of tying in this student’s passion for nursing while also making their essay exciting and easy to read. Beginning each paragraph with the respective adjective helped focus the paragraph and allowed the student to demonstrate how they exemplify each quality without explicitly stating it. The student wasn’t afraid to think outside the box and add creativity to their essay structure, which really paid off.

Another positive is how specific and specialized the Penn resources and opportunities the student mentions are. This essay did not fall into the trap of name-dropping professors or programs. In every paragraph, there was a connection to something the student wants to do at Penn to further themselves in the respective characteristic they were describing.

Not only did this student mention a resource at Penn—whether it was a professor, a class, or a club—in every paragraph, but they elaborated on what that resource was and how it would help them achieve their goal of becoming a nurse. The what and how is what sets this essay apart from other supplements that just name-drop resources for the sake of it. The amount of detail this essay went into about some of these resources makes it clear to the admissions officers reading the essay that this student has seriously looked into Penn and has a strong desire to come to campus and use these resources.

What Could Be Improved

One thing this essay could do to make it stronger is improve the first paragraph. The student does a good job of setting up Sister Roach and the Five C’s, but they don’t mention anything about their desire to study or pursue nursing. The first paragraph mentions both Sister Roach and Penn, but left out the student. This could be fixed by simply adding something along the lines of “I can’t wait to embody these values as a nursing student at Penn” to the paragraph.

Essay Example #2: UPenn

Prompt: Considering the specific undergraduate school you have selected, how will you explore your academic and intellectual interests at the University of Pennsylvania? For students applying to the coordinated dual-degree and specialized programs, please answer these questions in regard to your single-degree school choice; your interest in the coordinated dual-degree or specialized program may be addressed through the program-specific essay. (300-450 words)

I always loved watching the worms when it rained. I used to put my little raincoat on, sit on the doorsteps, and watch them move toward the puddles. My younger brother, forever intent on destroying the world around him, would try to stomp on the worms, and I would run after him screaming. In my imagination, the brain looked like a pile of squiggly worms. However, my neuroscience curiosity has since grown beyond a worm’s habits.

For example, my mother thought that I was insane when I wanted to watch American Murder: The Family Next Door . To her immense relief, I was interested in the psychology of the criminal rather than the crime itself. Although neuroscience is my primary interest, I also hope to learn more about the intersection between law and medicine at the UPenn College of Arts and Sciences. I’ve been able to explore this topic through various projects at school such as presentations on juvenile crime and the death penalty.

At the University of Pennsylvania, I look forward to taking classes like Forensic Neuroscience (BIBB 050) as well as Neuroscience and Society (PSYC 247) both of which directly combine my two interests. Hopefully, the Take Your Professor to Dinner program resumes as I would make sure to talk to Dr. Daniel Langleben about his research on forensic functional brain imaging over a meal of Philly cheesesteaks.

I also hope to participate in the Race, Science, and Society Program where I can discover how race biases and neuroscience go hand-in-hand and contribute to the fight against racism. The Beyond Arrests: Re-Thinking Systematic-Oppression Group immediately caught my attention while looking at Penn’s opportunities to engage in relevant dialogue. My fascination with the criminal system began with reading Fyodor Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment , and Penn will both fuel that curiosity as well as introduce new questions about the world of justice reform.

As an eight-year Latin scholar and a five-time reader of the Percy Jackson franchise, I would like to take classes in the Penn Classical Studies department where I can learn more about the impact of ancient cultures on society today. Classes such as Greek and Roman Medicine (CLST 271) would intersect my interests in medicine and classical civilizations.

Although I do harbor a deep love for Philly cheesesteaks and enjoyment of running in strange places like the Woodlands Cemetery, the range of programs to support my diverse interests and unmatched opportunities to put learning into action make me confident that the University of Pennsylvania is the best university for me to succeed.

The real strength in the essay lies in the sheer number of details this student is able to include in a short space, without sacrificing style and flow. The first two paragraphs really have nothing to do with Penn, but the inclusion of them makes this response feel like an essay, rather than a list of offerings at Penn. Striking the balance is important, and the anecdote at the beginning ultimately humanizes the writer.

From the three unique courses to the specific professor and his research to the race and criminal justice programs, this student has clearly done their homework on Penn! The key to this essay’s success isn’t just mentioning the offerings at Penn that excite the student, but the context that explains how each opportunity fits into the student’s academic interests.

Adding book titles like Crime and Punishment and Percy Jackson to support their passion for the criminal justice system and classics are extra details that help us learn more about how this student pursues their passions outside of the classroom. Finding little ways to humanize yourself throughout the essay can take it from good to great.

One area of improvement for this essay is the structure. It follows a very traditional “ Why This College? ” framework—start with an anecdote, then discuss classes, and then extracurriculars and programs—that gets old quickly for admissions officers.

A great way to add some spice to the format would be to use a sample schedule for the day. This essay mentions three different classes, two different groups, and a Take Your Professor to Dinner opportunity. Together, that’s the recipe for a full day at UPenn!

There are a few ways to play around with an essay that follows a typical day-in-the-life. Maybe each paragraph starts with a time and explains what they do during that hour. Maybe they narrate walking through campus on their way from one class to the next and what they just learned. However they choose to go about it, adding in a playful spin to the traditional essay structure is one of the best ways to instantly set an essay apart from the crowd.

Essay Example #3: UW Madison

Prompt: Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, please include why you are interested in studying the major(s) you have selected. If you selected undecided, please describe your areas of possible academic interest. (650 words)

Essay – # Day 117

7:30 am… As I open my eyes, I look at the pinboard in front of my bed. Written in red block letters are two of the many goals of my life: “Make life better and more independent for the Visually impaired; Inspire kids to explore the field of STEM, making them the future problem solvers.“

Keeping these goals afresh in mind, I freshen up and prepare for the first class of the day, ECE 533 Image Processing. As the professor explains the Applications of Image Processing in Computer Vision, a light bulb sparks in my mind. I can modify the head contraption of PERIPHIS to identify objects in peripheral vision and alert the wearer via an earpiece using Text to Speech (TTS).

After the class, I see Professor Mohit Gupta at the WISION Lab, where he shares his insights from the Block World Cameras system, which helps to geometrize 3D Man-made environments. We brainstorm ways we can implement this system on PERIPHIS.

Deep in the discussion and intrigued by my curiosity, he asked me where my interest in this niche field sparked during high school, and then I recount the incident from 9th grade:

“In Hindi – Agar aaj mere paas paise hote to ye din na dekhna padta” (If I had money, I would not have had to see this day.)

These were the words of Aadiya, a glaucoma patient, who couldn’t help but cry in despair as she injured herself in an accident just because she couldn’t sense the incoming traffic. During my visit to “Baroda Association for Blind (BAB)” for a survey, I saw and experienced firsthand how hard and inaccessible it is for an underprivileged visually impaired to locomote without anyone’s assistance.

What happened next was my first adventure into the world of Computer Science and Engineering. I dedicated the next four years to find an affordable solution to a pressing problem. It was called PERIPHIS, a smart wearable that helps alert the visually impaired wearer of impending danger while locomoting.

When I finally presented this device to Aadiya, the smile on her face made me realize how big an impact technology can make in one’s life.

11:00 am… As I head to the Engineering Hall to complete my assignments of COMP SCI 570

Introduction to Human-Computer Interaction, I crossways with my roommate from the Chadbourne Residential College, who is also interested in researching applications of Computer Vision in real life. We fix a time to chat later.

1:20pm… After a quick bite, I head to Human-Computer Interaction Laboratory. I expand my knowledge on different applications of Computer Science to make human life better than I found. I get fascinated when I see a few students building a child-friendly humanoid robot to teach kids the principles of Coding and AI. I hop in and share insights from my experience of being the President at AiGoLearning and kindling interest in STEM for young children. I explain how crucial the UI is when it comes to technology for the young.

5:00pm… To blow off some steam and socialize, I meet up with my fellow countrymen and artists at the Indian Graduate Students’ Association. We discuss and plan the upcoming Diwali Night Music at Shannon Hall. I feel proud to share my national identity while bringing out my musical self by contributing as a Tabla player at the student organization.

As I close my day, I reflect and think of the most unique resource at UW. It is not the labs, research facilities, classes, but the people, including the professors and students, all aligned to a single goal: “Solving problems to make society a better place.”

10:00pm… I find my way back to my dorm room and write with red block letters on my pinboard: “Meet with at least 1 Badger every day and gain new insight from them.”

This essay is a stellar example. The day in the life formatting is a common way to spice up your “Why This College?” essay, but the way this writer executes it is nearly flawless.

Opening with the vision board makes the student’s college goals clear from the very start, and this was cleverly done since vision boards are naturally one of the first things you see when you wake up.

The student then takes us to specific courses and labs and shares their thoughts on how they could improve their invention, PERIPHIS. The author seamlessly includes background information on PERIPHIS by including this hypothetical conversation with a professor who speaks their native language.

As we go through the day, we can see that this student will not only be involved academically, but also socially. We learn how important their culture is to them and how they plan to share it with the campus community.

This essay does everything a “Why This College?” essay should: it shares the student’s goals and motivations behind them, how the university can support those goals, and how the student will engage with the campus beyond academics.

There’s not much this essay could improve, besides a few formatting and wording issues. The first line of this essay—“ Essay – # Day 117”—is a great attention-grabber, but the placement of the # symbol is confusing and perhaps should’ve been in front of the number.

There are also a couple spots where wording is a bit awkward, such as these lines:

I crossways with my roommate from the Chadbourne Residential College, who is also interested in researching applications of Computer Vision in real life. We fix a time to chat later.

It should instead say something like “I run into my roommate” and “We schedule a time”. This is likely due to English not being the student’s native language, but could’ve easily been caught by proofreading from a native speaker.

Essay Example #4: Northwestern

Prompt: While other parts of your application give us a sense of who you are, we are also excited to hear more about how you see yourself engaging with the larger Northwestern community.

In 300 words or less, help us understand how you might engage specific resources, opportunities, and/or communities here. We are curious about what these specifics are, as well as how they may enrich your time at Northwestern and beyond.

For as long as I can remember, I have seen my parents, both farmers, struggling to produce food because of the challenges presented by the environment. Joining Northwestern’s community, and majoring in Environmental Engineering, will allow me to understand what are the reasons behind climate change and learn how to stop them and/or prevent them from happening.

Having witnessed how plant diseases affect crops, I would like to collaborate in the PLANT-Dx project and in its widespread application. I strongly believe that it will be able to help farmers to improve the quality and quantity of their production, and reduce famine around the world. At some point in my education, I want to take advantage of the study-abroad programs Northwestern has to offer and learn about farming practices in a different part of the world. In addition, I want to conduct research on sustainable alternative farming methods that adapt to the new environmental conditions and that can be practiced in countries with fewer resources.

Apart from having access to outstanding professors, rigorous academics, and cutting-edge research resources, I will be able to be part of a close-knit community genuinely curious about others’ activities, truly passionate about what they do, and not afraid to step out of their comfort zone to make of this world a better place. Being part of Engineers for a Sustainable World at Northwestern will allow me to get to know people that share one of my passions in addition to learning and teaching how to apply sustainable practices in daily life.

I am already looking forward to marching through the Weber Arch.

This essay is extremely cohesive, as it focuses on the student’s agricultural background and desire to study environmental engineering. The student mentions a couple resources specific to Northwestern, such as the PLANT-Dx project and Engineers for a Sustainable World.

Because of the background information the student provided, their motivations for participating in these opportunities is also clear. We can see that Northwestern would be a school that would help them achieve their goals.

There are two main aspects of the essay that could be improved: the writing and its specificity.

To begin with, the intro paragraph is a bit clunky and vague. The student should have specified the challenges the environment has presented to their parents’ farming with detailed imagery about droughts or torrential rain. The final sentence about climate change is also much too broad, and the student should’ve stated a goal in a smaller niche of environmentalism.

For example, here’s what a rewritten strong intro paragraph might look like:

The drought this year was bad, and the once-flourishing tomato crops on my family’s farm were afflicted with Southern Blight. As my family and our community struggled to put food on the table for the third year in a year, I resolved to major in Environmental Engineering at Northwestern to learn how to preserve our agriculture in the face of climate change.

Another writing error is the typo in the final paragraph, where they write “to make of this world a better place”. It’s important to proofread your essay and have others help you proofread as well!

Finally, while the essay mentions a couple specific Northwestern resources, the other resources they mention are too vague. The student could’ve improved by mentioning a specific study abroad program and a current research project on sustainable alternative farming methods. Most colleges let you study abroad and conduct research, so you need to explain why Northwestern is the best place for your goals.

Essay Example #5: NYU

Prompt: We would like to know more about your interest in NYU. What motivated you to apply to NYU? Why have you applied or expressed interest in a particular campus, school, college, program, and or area of study? If you have applied to more than one, please also tell us why you are interested in these additional areas of study or campuses. We want to understand – Why NYU? (400 words)

“A futuristic way of looking at academics,” the student panelist said during a New York University virtual information session. I reflected on a conversation I had with my grandma; she couldn’t understand how her vegetarian granddaughter could build a career in the food industry. However much I tried convincing her that vegetarianism was the future, as it offers substantial benefits to the environment and can offer health benefits to a growing population with the same environmental resources, she insisted that tofu would never provide the same satiation as meat. She was raised in a community where meat consumption was embedded in the culture, and its production is a large part of the country’s economy. In contrast, I had the privilege of living a few steps from San Francisco, with many restaurants and grocery stores dedicated to plant-based meat alternatives. Trying innovative recipes and products eventually allowed me to develop my own recipes. Upon my move to Nicaragua, where my grandmother is from, I found my food options to be limited, expensive and hard to find. So I developed my own small-scale solutions that did not break the bank and satiated grandma.

An institution that implements forward-thinking is what I need to reach my goals of changing the future of plant-based diets and people’s views on vegetarianism. NYU’s Nutrition and Food Studies program offers multiple disciplines of food studies that I will apply to my aspirations as a vegetarian. I plan to study under Adjunct Faculty Kayleen St. John, whose success in the plant-based industry and her teaching of the ‘Foundations of Plant-Based Nutrition’ in The Vegetarian Times excites me. The variety of classes like Introduction to Food History, Food Photography, and Food Systems: Food & Agriculture will give me an overview of what is available in the food industry to be prepared for all fields. Not to be cliche, but NYU’s proximity to the city is essential for the rapidly changing vegetarian industry. The multiculturalism available in NYC and NYU will allow me to understand the food system and diets of various cultures, religions, and areas. I can explore the extremes of the food industry, from fancy restaurants to public school cafeterias. These juxtapositions, much like the one I experienced after my move to Nicaragua, will allow me to broaden my reach and demonstrate that the vegetarian diet is not something reserved for select groups but a diet attainable to all.

A core strength of this essay is the fact it takes its time to provide the reader with ample background on why this student is interested in nutrition and food studies and how they have grappled with difficult questions and surrounding this topic in the past. It’s okay to not mention anything about NYU for a whole paragraph if you are using that space to bring depth to your interests and tell the reader the crucial backstory behind pursuing your intended degree.

Another positive aspect is the inclusion of New York City for a purposeful reason. NYU admissions officers read thousands of essays that just talk about living in NYC for the sake of NYC—this is not what they want to hear. In contrast, this essay focuses on the vast and lively food scene in New York that the student considers to be an invaluable asset to her NYU education. This is a time where including New York actually plays to the appeal of NYU, rather than making it seem like the student is simply applying for the city.

Finally, this student clearly demonstrates that they are someone who wants to change the world for the better, but through their personal niche. NYU is looking for people who express this desire to be a changemaker, but oftentimes sweeping statements like “I want to change the world” come across as vague and disingenuous. The essay does mention changing diets and looking to the future, but it is focused within the student’s specific area of interest, making the claim to change the world more determined and authentic.

This essay could be made stronger if there was a bit more personal reflection included. The first paragraph provides a lot of details on the student’s vegetarianism and how it conflicts with her grandmother and her heritage. What it doesn’t include very much of is how the student thinks and feels about her diet being at odds with that of her family.

Does this student feel they are betraying their heritage by being vegetarian? What emotions do they feel when people criticize vegetarianism? Why did they go vegetarian in the first place? Probing questions like these that get to the emotional core behind the story in the first paragraph would really help to build out this student’s backstory. We want to understand what their emotional responses and reasoning processes look like, so finding ways to include those into an already expositive paragraph would further bolster this essay.

Essay Example #6: NYU

My mother never takes off her Cartier necklace that my father gave her 10 years ago on their anniversary. As a child, I didn’t fully understand this attachment. However, on my 15th birthday, my aunt gifted me a ring, which was uniquely designed and made up of three rings linked together. Wearing it every day and making sure I would never lose it, I didn’t treat it like my easily replaceable childhood necklaces; it was my piece of luxury. This sparked my deep curiosity for the luxury world. The niche strives to provide the finest and most memorable experiences, as equally as my Japanese attention to detail and my French appreciation towards aesthetic beauty. In a constantly shifting environment, I learned that luxury chases timeless excellence.

NYU Stern’s BS in business and a co-concentration in management and marketing will fully immerse me in the business side of luxury fashion that I aim to pursue a future career in. The luxury marketing track, offered only by NYU, will enable me to assemble the most suited classes to reflect my interests. Specifically, NYU Stern’s exciting electives such as The Dynamics of the Fashion Industry seminar and Brand Strategy & Planning will encourage me to develop the skills that I was introduced to and grew keen on when running a virtual sustainable fashion auction.

As someone who has moved around from Paris to Tokyo, to Chicago and now Athens, I thrive in meeting and collaborating with others from diverse backgrounds. The school’s strong global outlook, demonstrated through Stern’s International Business Exchange Program, further sets NYU apart for me, as it is crucial to building essential soft skills. This opportunity allows me to experience new cultural approaches to luxury business which I can bring back with me to New York, and therefore push me to become a well-rounded business student. Similarly, I am excited to take part in the array of student clubs offered, such as the Luxury and Retail Association (LARA), which I learned about after connecting with and talking to current students. Seeing past talks from employers of companies like Conde Nast, I am eager to learn outside of the classroom from future speakers.

Finding myself in new situations constantly, I always seek new challenges and explorations – to me, it is clear that NYU Stern will push me to create the finest and most unique learning experiences of timeless excellence.

This essay has an amazing introduction paragraph. It doesn’t mention anything about NYU or what this student is planning on studying, which is what makes it so intriguing. The reader doesn’t know where this student is headed after making such a seemingly unrelated statement about jewelry, but we want to find out.

Not only does this essay immediately capture the reader’s attention, it maintains a succinct and direct tone that helps the reader effortlessly flow from one paragraph to the next. The student chose to include three opportunities at NYU that excite them and fully elaborate on them. This serves as an excellent example of more is less.

We aren’t bombarded with a laundry list of classes, professors, and clubs the student wants to take. Instead, the student took a focused approach and described why they were excited by each offering they highlighted. Going deeper into a smaller number of opportunities at the college still shows this student did their research, but it allows for their backstory and goals to be discussed in far greater detail.

While this student does a good job of elaborating, they also mention a few key aspects of their personality as throw-away lines, when it would have been great to elaborate further on them. For example, they mention running a virtual sustainable fashion auction (cool!), but don’t provide us with any details on what that actually entails, how they got involved with it, what they enjoyed about it, etc. They also mention moving around a lot in the context of developing a diverse perspective, but they don’t include any emotional insight into what that was like.

Although there are only 400 words available, and you don’t want to spend too much time discussing the past, it would be nice to see just a sentence or two that delves into the details of this student’s background. The fashion auction and moving around clearly had an impact on the student, so we want to know what that was. If they are choosing to include these details, they must be important in the student’s decision to pursue business at NYU, so they shouldn’t be afraid to divulge the emotional significance to the reader.

Essay Example #7: Boston University

Prompt: In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission.

Boston University’s College of Arts and Sciences (CAS) attracts me because of its support of interdisciplinary study among its wide array of majors. In fact, the CAS now offers a course that combines biology, chemistry, and neuroscience. As I hope to conduct medical research into brain disorders, I plan to pursue all three areas of study. These cross-disciplinary connections at BU will prepare me to do so.

CAS’s undergraduate research program would allow me to work with a mentor, such as Dr. Alice Cronin-Golomb or Dr. Robert M.G. Reinhart related to their research on neurological disorders. With them, I can advance the work I have already completed related to Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). In a summer class at our local university, my partner and I extracted data from fMRI and PET studies and inputted them into a coding program. We then created an indicator map, which we imported into another software program, AFNI, to display significant activity in the brain regions affected by DID. Seeing the representation of our data thrilled me because I knew it could eventually help people who live with DID. I want to experience that feeling again. Successfully analyzing these fMRI and PET studies and learning to code drives me to pursue more research opportunities, and this desire motivates me to study at a university that offers research opportunities to undergraduates. BU’s interdisciplinary approach to psychology and support for independent undergraduate research will optimally prepare me for a career as a neurological researcher.

This student clearly outlines BU-specific resources (the interdisciplinary course and undergrad research program), plus how these resources align with their professional goals (to become a neurological researcher). They do name professors, but since their work clearly relates to the student’s interests, it doesn’t look disingenuous, and shows that the student has done research on their fit with BU. The student also provides background on why they want to pursue research, and shows that they already have experience, which makes their interest in the undergrad research program more concrete.

The only thing missing from this essay is the student’s fit with BU in terms of extracurriculars and social life. “Why This College?” essays should also cover extracurriculars, as colleges are also interested in how you’ll contribute to their community.

In general, these essays should be academic-leaning (especially if they’re under 250 words), but you should still address some social aspects of the college that appeal to you (we recommend about 70% academics, 30% social, with more or less focus on social aspects depending on the word count).

Since the student probably already detailed their previous research in their Common App activities section, they could’ve just summarized their research background in one sentence (instead of 78 words, which is 31% of the total word count!), and used that valuable space to talk about a specific social aspect of BU that interests them.

Essay Example #8: Boston University

Prompt: In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission.

I am fascinated by research, though completely uninterested in the disciplines traditionally associated with it, such as STEM fields. I need to find a school that will balance my desire to conduct research with my interest in political science.

While many schools boast in-depth student research programs for those looking to cure diseases or develop solutions to global warming, few tout their support for humanities research. Additionally, many universities that do allocate funding to social science research typically reserve these monies for graduate students or upperclassmen. BU, with the help of its Undergraduate Research Opportunities Program, will allow me to conduct research on the topics that most intrigue me, such as gender disparity in politics, or the relationship between dominant parties in power and the country’s economy and involvement in foreign affairs. Furthermore, I can begin these studies as early as my first year. Not only can I take classes with professors like Sandra McEvoy or Dino Christenson to develop my interests in a classroom setting, but I could also work with one of them to develop new knowledge in the topics that we both enjoy learning about. With this knowledge base and experience conducting studies with top professors in a respected research institution, I will be well-prepared for my future law career. I want to learn in an environment that encourages independent study no matter one’s field of interest or experience, and BU’s support of intellectual curiosity for all of its students makes it a perfect fit for me.

This student knows exactly what they want, and they’re not afraid to state it bluntly. Their intro paragraph is totally honest about their interests (or lack of interest), and we immediately understand one of their main college goals: to conduct political science research.

The student mentions a specific resource, the Undergraduate Research Opportunities Program, as well as an alignment with BU’s value of encouraging independent study in all fields. Showing alignment with a specific value of the university is a great way to take your essay to the next level.

This essay shows us that the student would be a great fit for BU and would take advantage of its research opportunities.

The writer mentions some of their research interests, but doesn’t explain the motivation behind them. We don’t actually learn very much about the student themself, which is a common flaw of “Why This College?” essays. The essay would’ve been stronger if they’d explained why they’re interested in “gender disparity in politics, or the relationship between dominant parties in power and the country’s economy and involvement in foreign affairs.” For example, maybe they feel strongly about abortion rights and are upset about the way men have been legislating women’s rights.

The student also names two professors whose classes they’d like to take and with whom they’d like to do research, but we aren’t told which classes they’re interested in, or which topics they could cover together. You want to avoid “name-dropping” professors without context in your essay. If the student shared the names of specific classes or research topics and why they’re interested in them, that would’ve strengthened their essay.

Essay Example #9: Tufts

Prompt: Why Tufts? (100 words)

When Deanne, Tufts’ admissions counselor, visited my school, she immediately caught my attention by emphasizing Tufts’ diverse yet unified campus. Tufts’ inclusive definition of diversity goes beyond merely recruiting students from a variety of backgrounds. Tufts seeks to integrate these categories of diversity and pushes its students to learn from one another. One such intersectional program that attracts me is CAFE (Conversation, Action, Faith, and Education). By joining CAFE, a community that promotes interfaith education, I will learn from my peers, become more understanding of other religious backgrounds, and apply this broader understanding to my academic work at Tufts.

It’s hard to write a “Why This College?” essay in 100 words. This essay does a good job sticking to one unique element of Tufts—its intersectionality. Since Tufts also cares about demonstrated interest, it’s great that the student also mentioned speaking with an admissions counselor.

We unfortunately don’t learn very much about the student from this essay. Why do they care about diversity and interfaith programs? How does this relate to their academic and career goals? While the word count is super short, they could’ve cut these lines and jumped right into the specific resource they’re interested in: Tufts’ inclusive definition of diversity goes beyond merely recruiting students from a variety of backgrounds. Tufts seeks to integrate these categories of diversity and pushes its students to learn from one another.

Here’s an example of a stronger version of this essay:

When a Tufts admissions counselor visited my school, she immediately caught my attention by emphasizing Tufts’ diverse yet unified campus. As a Muslim hoping to go into International Relations, I want to attend a school that not only recruits diverse students, but pushes them to learn from one another. I hope to join intersectional programs such as CAFE (Conversation, Action, Faith, and Education). By joining this community that promotes interfaith education, I will gain the necessary perspective and compassion to become a human rights lawyer in countries with religious conflict, such as my homeland Azerbaijan.

Essay Example #10: Tufts

Prompt: Why Tufts? (100 words)

Someday I hope to conduct medical research in developing countries; Tufts attracts me because of its wide array of majors it offers and support for undergraduate research. To understand the human brain, I hope to study biology, neuroscience, and psychology. In addition to outstanding faculty in each of these areas, Tufts also organizes initiatives including the International Research Program. Through this program, I would work with other students and faculty members on an international project related to brain diseases. This opportunity will give me a taste of my future career and help me narrow the scope of my later studies.

This essay does a better job of sharing the student’s goals with us compared to the previous Tufts essay. We learn that the applicant is interested in medical research in developing countries on brain diseases, and that Tufts has a program to support international research.

The essay still mentions some resources that could apply to many schools, which is not an effective use of the tiny word count. For example, they say: “Tufts attracts me because of its wide array of majors it offers and support for undergraduate research” and they mention the “outstanding faculty” in the fields they plan to study.

They also don’t tell us their motivation behind studying brain diseases abroad, and it feels like there’s a significant story there. Giving some background would’ve further strengthened their essay.

Finally, they mention that they still need to narrow the scope of their studies; while it’s fine to be undecided on your career and majors, you don’t need to spend your precious word count saying that in your essay. They could’ve instead shared a couple potential avenues they’re considering.

Here’s what the student could’ve written instead:

Outcomes for schizophrenia patients are better in developing countries than in developed ones. I hope to research the reasons behind this and improve the treatment options in the US for the cousin I grew up with. In college, I want to study biology, neuroscience, and psychology. Tufts attracts me because of its unique interdisciplinary BS in Cognitive and Brain Science and its International Research Program. Through this program, I could do the research I’ve dreamt of doing with a faculty member and other students, preparing me for my future career as either a researcher or clinician.

Essay Example #11: Georgia Tech

Prompt: Why do you want to study your chosen major specifically at Georgia Tech? (300 words)

Climate change is a human rights issue.

There the headline was, screaming on my phone screen. I think about those suffering from a lack of clean water. I think about those suffering from a lack of clean air.

I often think back to that headline – it’s what drives my passion for environmental engineering. As an environmental engineer, I can mitigate air pollution and design water treatment systems that address the water injustices that people face. However, it’s not just about creating a technology that cleans water; it’s about changing people’s lives. New technologies can make a lasting difference in humanitarian issues worldwide; Georgia Tech’s research on creating a toilet that turns human waste into clean water for those in need of improved sanitation aligns perfectly with my interests.

At Georgia Tech, through the student-led organization, Engineers for a Sustainable World and the InVenture Prize, I can translate the knowledge gained from my classes into a concrete vision. I can design and implement hands-on sustainability projects around Atlanta and invent a water sanitation system for the on-site acquisition of clean water.

Georgia Tech can also provide me with ample research opportunities, such as the broad area of Healthy Communities in the School of Civil and Environmental Engineering. I can further pursue my interest in developing solutions to deliver clean water while welcoming new areas of inquiry. An area I would like to explore would be the controlling of dangerous matter in the air to reduce health hazards; reducing the impact of climate change is of utmost importance to me.

Studying environmental engineering at Georgia Tech would well prepare me to develop solutions to climate-related issues. With the countless opportunities that Georgia Tech has to offer, I know there is nowhere else where I can receive a better environmental engineering education.

What the Essay Did Well l

This essay begins with an attention-grabbing statement that leaves the reader wondering how this will relate to the student’s interest in Georgia Tech. They then transition seamlessly into how climate change and human rights motivate their desire to become an environmental engineer.

The student mentions several resources specific to Georgia Tech that would help them achieve their goals, such as the research on the toilet turning waste into water, Engineers for a Sustainable World, InVenture Prize, and Healthy Communities research. It’s clear that they did their research and have reflected on their fit with the campus community.

They end the essay explicitly stating that Georgia Tech is the best place for them to grow, and the reader is certainly convinced of this by the end.

This essay is quite strong, so there’s not much that the student could’ve improved. That said, there is one sentence that is a bit awkwardly worded: New technologies can make a lasting difference in humanitarian issues worldwide; Georgia Tech’s research on creating a toilet that turns human waste into clean water for those in need of improved sanitation aligns perfectly with my interests.

Instead, the student could’ve written:

New technologies can make a lasting difference in humanitarian issues worldwide; Georgia Tech aligns with this value of mine and is even developing a toilet that turns human waste into clean water for those who need improved sanitation.

Essay Example #12: Georgia Tech

From my first Java project, a somewhat primitive graphing calculator, I realized that CS unlocks a different way of thinking. My brain races at speeds it seldom touches with other subjects. Every part of CS, from conceptualizing a plan to executing a solution, is another piece of a puzzle I’m eager to solve and affords the most opportunities for creative problem-solving and application.

“Progress and Service,” Georgia Tech’s motto, tells me there’s no better place to explore my curiosity and deepen my CS skills while simultaneously helping make the world a better place, my ultimate goal for a college education.

In the classroom, I look forward to GT’s threads program, where I can tailor the curriculum to suit my career choice after exposing myself to all technical aspects of CS.

I’ll apply my specialized learning with Tech’s fascinating research opportunities. Professor Pandarinth’s brain-machine interfacing software means a lot to me. My uncle passed away from a freak accident after extensive paralysis because potential treatments were unaffordable. Exploring this revolutionary brain decoding software wouldn’t just involve me in cutting-edge artificial intelligence technology research, I’d be personally driven to ensure its success and accessibility.

I’m at my best building towards tangible results. I learned this on my robotics team using design skills to create a technically complex robot that tackles anything from shooting balls to hanging on a balance beam. I’m excited to expand my skills on the RoboJackets team, applying my career interests to build ferocious BattleBots and autonomous race robots that compete on the Indy Speedway, two events that sound ridiculously fun.

Of course, I can’t skip hackathons. These competitions molded my interest in coding so I want to give back to Georgia Tech’s Hack-Community by planning HackGT and the Catalyst Mentorship program as a member of the Hexlabs team.

The student’s passion for CS shines through this essay. They explain what they love about the subject (the problem-solving aspect) and they share that they hope to make a difference through CS, demonstrating alignment with Tech’s motto of “progress and service”.

It’s clear that this student has done their research, mentioning specific academic programs, research, and clubs. We can see that they’d be greatly engaged with the campus community.

Finally, this essay is also down-to-earth. The student doesn’t try to use impressive vocabulary or formal language. In fact, they even describe some extracurriculars as “ridiculously fun.” While you shouldn’t get too informal in your essays, this student’s casual tone in this context makes them feel more approachable and more excited about the prospect of going to Georgia Tech.

This essay has a couple sentences that are confusing to read:

Every part of CS, from conceptualizing a plan to executing a solution, is another piece of a puzzle I’m eager to solve and affords the most opportunities for creative problem-solving and application.

This sentence could’ve been broken up and rewritten as:

Every part of CS, from conceptualizing a plan to executing a solution, is another piece of a puzzle I’m eager to solve. For me, the field affords the most opportunities for creative problem-solving and application.

This sentence also uses incorrect grammar—the comma should be replaced with a semicolon:

Exploring this revolutionary brain decoding software wouldn’t just involve me in cutting-edge artificial intelligence technology research, I’d be personally driven to ensure its success and accessibility.

These details would make the essay more readable.

The organization of the essay could also be reworked. The student mentions Tech’s motto of “progress and service,” but doesn’t follow up until later with an example of how they’d use CS for the greater good. Using CS for social good isn’t ultimately the theme of their essay, so this section would’ve been better placed at the end of the paragraph about AI technology research, or at the very end of the essay. The essay actually ends abruptly, so placing the section at the end might’ve tied it up nicely, if the student could’ve placed more emphasis on how they plan to use CS to improve society.

Do you want feedback on your “Why This College” essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays.

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

50 love quotes to express how you feel: 'Where there is love there is life'

Love may be a four letter word, but it's a complex emotion. Love can be felt toward friends, family, romantic partners and even yourself.

Word of love, including self-love, are impactful and remind you that beauty can be found in the places you least expect it. But sometimes, you can't seem to find the right words that go beyond a simple, "I love you."

Certain quotes might help convey how you feel. Whether they come from your favorite author or film, these messages can remind you to cherish those around you and continue spreading warmth and affection.

If you're looking for more, here is a compiled list of love quotes from throughout the decades:

50 quotes about love

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."– Dr. Seuss
"If you find someone you love in your life, then hang on to that love." – Princess Diana
"I’ve tried so many times to think of a new way to say it - and it’s still 'I love you.'" – Zelda Fitzgerald
"Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it." – Nicholas Sparks , "A Walk to Remember"
"There is no remedy for love but to love more." – Henry David Thoreau
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry , "Airman's Odyssey
"To love is to recognize yourself in another." – Eckhart Tolle
"If I know what love is, it’s because of you." – Hermann Hesse
"Where there is great love, there are always miracles." – Willa Cather , "Death Comes for the Archbishop"
"Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze." – Elinor Glyn
"True love stories never have endings." – Richard Bach
"Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts." – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
"I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone." – J. R. R. Tolkien
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only what you are expecting to give – which is everything." – Katherine Hepburn
"My heart is and always will be yours." – Jane Austen
"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind." – William Shakespeare , "A Midsummer Night’s Dream"
"Love does not dominate; it cultivates." – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"Love is the whole thing. We are only pieces." – Rumi
"Love is friendship set to music." – Jackson Pollock
"Life is the flower for which love is the honey." – Victor Hugo
"Happiness is anyone and anything at all that's loved by you." – Charles M. Schulz
"Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope." – Maya Angelou
"Where there is love there is life." – Mahatma Gandhi
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line." – Lucille Ball
"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other." – Audrey Hepburn
"Love’s greatest gift is its ability to make everything it touches sacred." – Barbara De Angelis
"Love is a flower you got to let it grow." – John Lennon , "Mind Games"
"I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people." – Vincent van Gogh
"Yours is the light by which my spirit's born; you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars." – E.E. Cummings
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you." – Joan Powers , "Pooh's Little Instruction Book"
"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you ... I could walk through my garden forever." – Alfred Tennyson
"Don't ever think I fell for you, or fell over you. I didn't fall in love, I rose in it." – Toni Morrison
"One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others." – Bell Hooks , "All About Love: New Visions"
"Be the love you never received." – Rune Lazuli
"When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out." – Elizabeth Bowen , "A World of Love"
"Morning without you is a dwindled dawn." – Emily Dickinson
"In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine." – Maya Angelou
"You can't blame gravity for falling in love." – Albert Einstein
"The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of." – Blaise Pascal
"There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment." – Sarah Dessen , "The Truth About Forever"
"I do love nothing in the world so well as you." – William Shakespeare , "Much Ado About Nothing"
"Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives." – Louise L. Hay
"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." – David Viscott
"When you make loving others the story of your life, there's never a final chapter, because the legacy continues." – Oprah Winfrey
"If you remember me, then I don't care if everyone else forgets." – Haruki Murakami , "Kafka on the Shore"
"My soul and your soul are forever tangled" – N.R. Hart
"I love you" begins by I, but it ends up by you." – Charles de Leusse
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." – Lao Tzu
"Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction." – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry , "Wind, Sand and Stars"
"I swear I couldn't love you more than I do right now, and yet I know I will tomorrow." – Leo Christopher

Need some positivity? 50 positive life quotes to inspire, and lift your spirit each day

Inspirational quotes: 50 motivational motivational words to brighten your day.

Just Curious for more? We've got you covered

USA TODAY is exploring the questions you and others ask every day. From " What is my love language? " to " How to start a conversation on a dating app? " to " What is the olive theory? " – we're striving to find answers to the most common questions you ask every day. Head to our Just Curious section to see what else we can answer.

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COMMENTS

175 Romantically Beautiful Reasons I Love You
3. I can't imagine a better, more fulfilling life than the one I have with you. 4. When you're holding my hand, I feel like I can do anything. 5. You see me as I am, and you love all of me — not just the parts that are easy to live with. 6. You accept me just as I am. And you trust me to accept and love you, too.
What Is It To Love Someone?
To love, by contrast, it typically does matter that it should be me" (2014: 86; her italics). [5] Robert Solomon writes, "It is often said that to love is to give in to another person's needs, indeed, to make them more important than one's own. But to love is rather to take the other's desires and needs as one's own.
How to Explain Why You Love Someone
Your loved one may make you feel accepted, powerful, capable, and happy. They may push you to lengths beyond your comfort zone, challenge you in more ways than one, or make you want to be the best person you can be. When someone makes you feel good, it's natural to appreciate them and want to be around them often.
Essay on Love: Definition, Topic Ideas, 500 Words Examples
A 500-word essay on why I love you. Trying to encapsulate why I love you in a mere 500 words is impossible. My love for you goes beyond the confines of language, transcending words and dwelling in the realm of emotions, connections, and shared experiences. Nevertheless, I shall endeavor to express the depth and breadth of my affection for you.
How to Write 100 Reasons Why You Love Someone: 12 Steps
Download Article. 1. Get a notebook and pen or pencil, and commit to yourself to keep it with you while you reflect on the qualities of the person you love. 2. Set a time each day to simply reflect on the person you are writing about. Clear your mind of work, school, kids, the news, or anything else that distracts you.
Essays About Love: 20 Intriguing Ideas For Students
It could even be your love story. As you analyze and explain the love story, talk about the highs and lows of love. Showcase the hard and great parts of this love story, then end the essay by talking about what real love looks like (outside the flowers and chocolates). 3. What True Love Looks Like.
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What is love? Love is an emotion of strong affection, tenderness, or devotion toward a subject or object. When you love a person you experience pleasurable sensations in their presence and are ...
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Check out How to Write a Literary Analysis That Works and 15 Literary Terms You Need to Know to Write Better Essays. Here are a few topic ideas: Explain various types of love portrayed in Romeo and Juliet. Compare and contrast how different characters experience love. (See the example essay Women's Experiences of Love in Tess of the D ...
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Love has been defined as an intensive feeling of a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. Of course, Love doesn 't have to romantic and/or sexual. People who are ace, as in asexual, aromantic and agender, can still be in relationships that are satisfying for them without the needs of a romantic relationship.
What Is Love?
Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust. Many say it's not an emotion in the way we typically understand them, but an essential physiological drive. Love is a physiological motivation such as hunger, thirst, sleep ...
Love, Value, and Reasons
Both the reasons for loving and the reasons love generates are relevant here, and the model of love as a form of valuing allows us to see why. 1. On Reasons Talk. Talk of reasons appears at two points in recent theorizing about love. Reasons for love would be reasons that favor loving a particular person.
Why Do You Love Me? Reasons To Love Someone
In general, humans fall in love as an evolutionary response to ensure the continuation of the species. Humans are social creatures, and we form emotional attachments for support, a sense of belonging, and the biological drive to care for and protect loved ones. Psychologist John Bowlby developed attachment theory to explain how humans develop ...
Essay on Love for Students and Children
Significance of Love. Love is as critical for the mind and body of a human being as oxygen. Therefore, the more connected you are, the healthier you will be physically as well as emotionally. It is also true that the less love you have, the level of depression will be more in your life. So, we can say that love is probably the best antidepressant.
How To Explain Why You Love Someone: 7 Ways To Show Them
Make eye contact, nod, and provide verbal cues to show that you're actively listening. Another way to show appreciation is by offering your support. Be there for your partner in both good times and bad. Show empathy and understanding when they're going through a tough time.
This Is Why I'm In Love With You
Real love isn't rife with inequities. I'm in love with you because you're my equal. We're on the same page. It's stable, unlike obsession, which is inherently erratic. I'm in love with you because you're my best friend. When people hesitate to call their partner their best friend, I'm incredulous as to why. Shouldn't we all be ...
40 Love Paragraphs to Make Your Significant Other Feel Special
1. Darling, it's safe to say you are my entire reason for being alive. It's also safe to say that I've fallen deeply in love with you. After everything we've been through, the demons we've fought and the sadness we've endured… we're still together. Everything we've been through has made us stronger.
How to Write an Essay About Someone You Love
You'll have at least three paragraphs. Each should have one sub-topic that is related to the main one. Never go astray and stick to your thesis. Provide clear and captivating examples, facts, events associated with the person you love. Conclusion. It's a brief resume of the entire essay.
To Truly Love Someone, You Must Love Them For Their Whole Heart
And he is whom I fell in love with. " To be in love with someone with such opposite traits, ideals, and even belies, I think has to prove how strong love can really be. When our heart is able to love another heart for the good, the bad, and the ugly, that's when you know true love exists. Truth is, I've experienced that kind of ...
1000 Reasons Why I Love You (for Her / from Him)
The way you rub my back. The way you stare at me as if I am the sexiest guy on the planet. The way you look when I get all dressed up. The smile you give after I'm done kissing you. The way you act like a dork but make me laugh. Your guilty smile. The way you try things just b/c I am with you.
How to Explain Why You Love Someone (9 Things You Can Say)
8. He Makes You Want To Be A Better Person. It might be cliche to say that you love him because he makes you want to be a better person, but it's almost always true. Real love will transform you in so many ways, because of your devotion to another person.
How to Write a Perfect "Why This College?" Essay
college essay prompts: Colorado College: "Describe how your personal experiences with a particular community make you a student who would benefit from Colorado College's Block Plan." Tufts University: " I am applying to Tufts because…. Tulane University: "Describe why you are interested in joining the Tulane community.
Of the Many Reasons to Love Research
Research is the future. It's exciting to be a part of an adventure that will change the face of the future. Research is constantly pushing the frontiers of knowledge, and it's crazy to think that the theory, the process, or the discovery you make today may determine how the world is structured tomorrow. Research doesn't stop.
12 Effective "Why This College?" Essay Examples
One thing this essay could do to make it stronger is improve the first paragraph. The student does a good job of setting up Sister Roach and the Five C's, but they don't mention anything about their desire to study or pursue nursing. The first paragraph mentions both Sister Roach and Penn, but left out the student.
50 quotes about love, romantic sayings to tell someone how you feel
Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives." - Louise L. Hay. "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." - David Viscott. "When you make loving others the story of your life ...

The Top 175 Romantically Beautiful Reasons I Love You

Why do I love her?

Final Thoughts

What Is It To Love Someone?

1. Desiring to care for and to be with someone

2. Taking someone’s well-being as your own

3. Being disposed to be affected by someone

4. Valuing someone

4.1. Valuing someone for (certain) qualities

4.2. Valuing someone as a person

4.3. Valuing someone for being related to you

4.4. Valuing someone by bestowing value onto them

5. Conclusion

Related Essays

Acknowledgments

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How to Explain Why You Love Someone

They Know How to Love You

They Understand Your Needs

They Help You Express Vulnerability

They Make You Feel Safe

They Share Your Values

They Help You See Yourself

They Make You Feel Good

They Help You Feel Connected

They Have Amazing Qualities

Finding the Right Words May Take Time

Professing Your Love

Before You Write a Love Essay, Read This to Get Examples

Definition: Essay on Love

Love Essay Topics: 20 Ideas to Choose for Your Paper

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