he don't need no help with her homework assignment

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Defiant Children Who Refuse To Do Homework: 30 Tips For Parents

• Your child doesn’t understand the work and needs some extra help. It’s possible that your youngster doesn’t want to do his homework because he really needs help.  Also, it can be challenging for moms and dads to accept that their youngster might need help with homework, because there is often a stigma attached to kids who need tutoring. 
• Your child is addicted to TV and video games. Moms and dads often find it very difficult to limit these activities. But, understand that playing video games and watching TV doesn’t relax a youngster’s brain.  In fact, it actually over-stimulates the brain and makes it harder for him to learn and retain information.  Too much of watching TV and playing video games contributes to your youngster struggling with school and homework in more ways than one.
• Your child is exhausted from a long day at school. In the last 10 to 20 years, the needs of kids have not changed, however the pace of life has.  Most moms and dads are busy and have very little down time, which inevitably means that the youngster ends up with less down time too.  He is going to be less likely to be motivated to work when there is chaos all around him.  
• Your child is not sleeping enough. Sleep is one of the most under-appreciated needs in our society today. When a child doesn’t get enough sleep, it can cause him to be sick more often, lose focus, and have more emotional issues. Kids often need a great deal more sleep than they usually get.  
• Your child is over-booked with other activities. Moms and dads want their youngster to develop skills other than academics. Because of this, they often sign-up their youngster for extracurricular activities (e.g., sports or arts).  
• Your child is overwhelmed by your expectations. Moms and dads want their youngster to be well-rounded and to get ahead in life.  Along with this comes getting good grades.  All these expectations can put a lot of pressure on your youngster and may cause him to become burned-out and want to find an escape.
• instructions are unclear
• neither you nor your youngster can understand the purpose of assignments
• the assignments are often too hard or too easy
• the homework is assigned in uneven amounts
• you can't provide needed supplies or materials 
• you can't seem to help your youngster get organized to finish the assignments
• your youngster has missed school and needs to make up assignments
• your youngster refuses to do her assignments, even though you've tried hard to get her to do them
• Do you understand what you're supposed to do?
• What do you need to do to finish the assignment?
• Do you need help in understanding how to do your work?
• Have you ever done any problems like the ones you're supposed to do right now?
• Do you have everything you need to do the assignment?
• Does your answer make sense to you? 
• Are you still having problems? Maybe it would help to take a break or have a snack.
• Do you need to review your notes (or reread a chapter in your textbook) before you do the assignment? 
• How far have you gotten on the assignment? Let's try to figure out where you're having a problem.

How do I get my over-achieving daughter to slow down?

"I have taken the quiz and surprisingly found that I was a severely over indulgent parent. This angers me because I didn't think...

Does Homework Really Help Students Learn?

A conversation with a Wheelock researcher, a BU student, and a fourth-grade teacher

“Quality homework is engaging and relevant to kids’ lives,” says Wheelock’s Janine Bempechat. “It gives them autonomy and engages them in the community and with their families. In some subjects, like math, worksheets can be very helpful. It has to do with the value of practicing over and over.” Photo by iStock/Glenn Cook Photography

Do your homework.

If only it were that simple.

Educators have debated the merits of homework since the late 19th century. In recent years, amid concerns of some parents and teachers that children are being stressed out by too much homework, things have only gotten more fraught.

“Homework is complicated,” says developmental psychologist Janine Bempechat, a Wheelock College of Education & Human Development clinical professor. The author of the essay “ The Case for (Quality) Homework—Why It Improves Learning and How Parents Can Help ” in the winter 2019 issue of Education Next , Bempechat has studied how the debate about homework is influencing teacher preparation, parent and student beliefs about learning, and school policies.

She worries especially about socioeconomically disadvantaged students from low-performing schools who, according to research by Bempechat and others, get little or no homework.

BU Today  sat down with Bempechat and Erin Bruce (Wheelock’17,’18), a new fourth-grade teacher at a suburban Boston school, and future teacher freshman Emma Ardizzone (Wheelock) to talk about what quality homework looks like, how it can help children learn, and how schools can equip teachers to design it, evaluate it, and facilitate parents’ role in it.

BU Today: Parents and educators who are against homework in elementary school say there is no research definitively linking it to academic performance for kids in the early grades. You’ve said that they’re missing the point.

Bempechat : I think teachers assign homework in elementary school as a way to help kids develop skills they’ll need when they’re older—to begin to instill a sense of responsibility and to learn planning and organizational skills. That’s what I think is the greatest value of homework—in cultivating beliefs about learning and skills associated with academic success. If we greatly reduce or eliminate homework in elementary school, we deprive kids and parents of opportunities to instill these important learning habits and skills.

We do know that beginning in late middle school, and continuing through high school, there is a strong and positive correlation between homework completion and academic success.

That’s what I think is the greatest value of homework—in cultivating beliefs about learning and skills associated with academic success.

You talk about the importance of quality homework. What is that?

Quality homework is engaging and relevant to kids’ lives. It gives them autonomy and engages them in the community and with their families. In some subjects, like math, worksheets can be very helpful. It has to do with the value of practicing over and over.

What are your concerns about homework and low-income children?

The argument that some people make—that homework “punishes the poor” because lower-income parents may not be as well-equipped as affluent parents to help their children with homework—is very troubling to me. There are no parents who don’t care about their children’s learning. Parents don’t actually have to help with homework completion in order for kids to do well. They can help in other ways—by helping children organize a study space, providing snacks, being there as a support, helping children work in groups with siblings or friends.

Isn’t the discussion about getting rid of homework happening mostly in affluent communities?

Yes, and the stories we hear of kids being stressed out from too much homework—four or five hours of homework a night—are real. That’s problematic for physical and mental health and overall well-being. But the research shows that higher-income students get a lot more homework than lower-income kids.

Teachers may not have as high expectations for lower-income children. Schools should bear responsibility for providing supports for kids to be able to get their homework done—after-school clubs, community support, peer group support. It does kids a disservice when our expectations are lower for them.

The conversation around homework is to some extent a social class and social justice issue. If we eliminate homework for all children because affluent children have too much, we’re really doing a disservice to low-income children. They need the challenge, and every student can rise to the challenge with enough supports in place.

What did you learn by studying how education schools are preparing future teachers to handle homework?

My colleague, Margarita Jimenez-Silva, at the University of California, Davis, School of Education, and I interviewed faculty members at education schools, as well as supervising teachers, to find out how students are being prepared. And it seemed that they weren’t. There didn’t seem to be any readings on the research, or conversations on what high-quality homework is and how to design it.

Erin, what kind of training did you get in handling homework?

Bruce : I had phenomenal professors at Wheelock, but homework just didn’t come up. I did lots of student teaching. I’ve been in classrooms where the teachers didn’t assign any homework, and I’ve been in rooms where they assigned hours of homework a night. But I never even considered homework as something that was my decision. I just thought it was something I’d pull out of a book and it’d be done.

I started giving homework on the first night of school this year. My first assignment was to go home and draw a picture of the room where you do your homework. I want to know if it’s at a table and if there are chairs around it and if mom’s cooking dinner while you’re doing homework.

The second night I asked them to talk to a grown-up about how are you going to be able to get your homework done during the week. The kids really enjoyed it. There’s a running joke that I’m teaching life skills.

Friday nights, I read all my kids’ responses to me on their homework from the week and it’s wonderful. They pour their hearts out. It’s like we’re having a conversation on my couch Friday night.

It matters to know that the teacher cares about you and that what you think matters to the teacher. Homework is a vehicle to connect home and school…for parents to know teachers are welcoming to them and their families.

Bempechat : I can’t imagine that most new teachers would have the intuition Erin had in designing homework the way she did.

Ardizzone : Conversations with kids about homework, feeling you’re being listened to—that’s such a big part of wanting to do homework….I grew up in Westchester County. It was a pretty demanding school district. My junior year English teacher—I loved her—she would give us feedback, have meetings with all of us. She’d say, “If you have any questions, if you have anything you want to talk about, you can talk to me, here are my office hours.” It felt like she actually cared.

Bempechat : It matters to know that the teacher cares about you and that what you think matters to the teacher. Homework is a vehicle to connect home and school…for parents to know teachers are welcoming to them and their families.

Ardizzone : But can’t it lead to parents being overbearing and too involved in their children’s lives as students?

Bempechat : There’s good help and there’s bad help. The bad help is what you’re describing—when parents hover inappropriately, when they micromanage, when they see their children confused and struggling and tell them what to do.

Good help is when parents recognize there’s a struggle going on and instead ask informative questions: “Where do you think you went wrong?” They give hints, or pointers, rather than saying, “You missed this,” or “You didn’t read that.”

Bruce : I hope something comes of this. I hope BU or Wheelock can think of some way to make this a more pressing issue. As a first-year teacher, it was not something I even thought about on the first day of school—until a kid raised his hand and said, “Do we have homework?” It would have been wonderful if I’d had a plan from day one.

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Senior Contributing Editor

Sara Rimer A journalist for more than three decades, Sara Rimer worked at the Miami Herald , Washington Post and, for 26 years, the New York Times , where she was the New England bureau chief, and a national reporter covering education, aging, immigration, and other social justice issues. Her stories on the death penalty’s inequities were nominated for a Pulitzer Prize and cited in the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision outlawing the execution of people with intellectual disabilities. Her journalism honors include Columbia University’s Meyer Berger award for in-depth human interest reporting. She holds a BA degree in American Studies from the University of Michigan. Profile

She can be reached at [email protected] .

Comments & Discussion

Boston University moderates comments to facilitate an informed, substantive, civil conversation. Abusive, profane, self-promotional, misleading, incoherent or off-topic comments will be rejected. Moderators are staffed during regular business hours (EST) and can only accept comments written in English. Statistics or facts must include a citation or a link to the citation.

There are 81 comments on Does Homework Really Help Students Learn?

Insightful! The values about homework in elementary schools are well aligned with my intuition as a parent.

when i finish my work i do my homework and i sometimes forget what to do because i did not get enough sleep

same omg it does not help me it is stressful and if I have it in more than one class I hate it.

Same I think my parent wants to help me but, she doesn’t care if I get bad grades so I just try my best and my grades are great.

I think that last question about Good help from parents is not know to all parents, we do as our parents did or how we best think it can be done, so maybe coaching parents or giving them resources on how to help with homework would be very beneficial for the parent on how to help and for the teacher to have consistency and improve homework results, and of course for the child. I do see how homework helps reaffirm the knowledge obtained in the classroom, I also have the ability to see progress and it is a time I share with my kids

The answer to the headline question is a no-brainer – a more pressing problem is why there is a difference in how students from different cultures succeed. Perfect example is the student population at BU – why is there a majority population of Asian students and only about 3% black students at BU? In fact at some universities there are law suits by Asians to stop discrimination and quotas against admitting Asian students because the real truth is that as a group they are demonstrating better qualifications for admittance, while at the same time there are quotas and reduced requirements for black students to boost their portion of the student population because as a group they do more poorly in meeting admissions standards – and it is not about the Benjamins. The real problem is that in our PC society no one has the gazuntas to explore this issue as it may reveal that all people are not created equal after all. Or is it just environmental cultural differences??????

I get you have a concern about the issue but that is not even what the point of this article is about. If you have an issue please take this to the site we have and only post your opinion about the actual topic

This is not at all what the article is talking about.

This literally has nothing to do with the article brought up. You should really take your opinions somewhere else before you speak about something that doesn’t make sense.

we have the same name

so they have the same name what of it?

lol you tell her

totally agree

What does that have to do with homework, that is not what the article talks about AT ALL.

Yes, I think homework plays an important role in the development of student life. Through homework, students have to face challenges on a daily basis and they try to solve them quickly.I am an intense online tutor at 24x7homeworkhelp and I give homework to my students at that level in which they handle it easily.

More than two-thirds of students said they used alcohol and drugs, primarily marijuana, to cope with stress.

You know what’s funny? I got this assignment to write an argument for homework about homework and this article was really helpful and understandable, and I also agree with this article’s point of view.

I also got the same task as you! I was looking for some good resources and I found this! I really found this article useful and easy to understand, just like you! ^^

i think that homework is the best thing that a child can have on the school because it help them with their thinking and memory.

I am a child myself and i think homework is a terrific pass time because i can’t play video games during the week. It also helps me set goals.

Homework is not harmful ,but it will if there is too much

I feel like, from a minors point of view that we shouldn’t get homework. Not only is the homework stressful, but it takes us away from relaxing and being social. For example, me and my friends was supposed to hang at the mall last week but we had to postpone it since we all had some sort of work to do. Our minds shouldn’t be focused on finishing an assignment that in realty, doesn’t matter. I completely understand that we should have homework. I have to write a paper on the unimportance of homework so thanks.

homework isn’t that bad

Are you a student? if not then i don’t really think you know how much and how severe todays homework really is

i am a student and i do not enjoy homework because i practice my sport 4 out of the five days we have school for 4 hours and that’s not even counting the commute time or the fact i still have to shower and eat dinner when i get home. its draining!

i totally agree with you. these people are such boomers

why just why

they do make a really good point, i think that there should be a limit though. hours and hours of homework can be really stressful, and the extra work isn’t making a difference to our learning, but i do believe homework should be optional and extra credit. that would make it for students to not have the leaning stress of a assignment and if you have a low grade you you can catch up.

Studies show that homework improves student achievement in terms of improved grades, test results, and the likelihood to attend college. Research published in the High School Journal indicates that students who spent between 31 and 90 minutes each day on homework “scored about 40 points higher on the SAT-Mathematics subtest than their peers, who reported spending no time on homework each day, on average.” On both standardized tests and grades, students in classes that were assigned homework outperformed 69% of students who didn’t have homework. A majority of studies on homework’s impact – 64% in one meta-study and 72% in another – showed that take home assignments were effective at improving academic achievement. Research by the Institute for the Study of Labor (IZA) concluded that increased homework led to better GPAs and higher probability of college attendance for high school boys. In fact, boys who attended college did more than three hours of additional homework per week in high school.

So how are your measuring student achievement? That’s the real question. The argument that doing homework is simply a tool for teaching responsibility isn’t enough for me. We can teach responsibility in a number of ways. Also the poor argument that parents don’t need to help with homework, and that students can do it on their own, is wishful thinking at best. It completely ignores neurodiverse students. Students in poverty aren’t magically going to find a space to do homework, a friend’s or siblings to help them do it, and snacks to eat. I feel like the author of this piece has never set foot in a classroom of students.

THIS. This article is pathetic coming from a university. So intellectually dishonest, refusing to address the havoc of capitalism and poverty plays on academic success in life. How can they in one sentence use poor kids in an argument and never once address that poor children have access to damn near 0 of the resources affluent kids have? Draw me a picture and let’s talk about feelings lmao what a joke is that gonna put food in their belly so they can have the calories to burn in order to use their brain to study? What about quiet their 7 other siblings that they share a single bedroom with for hours? Is it gonna force the single mom to magically be at home and at work at the same time to cook food while you study and be there to throw an encouraging word?

Also the “parents don’t need to be a parent and be able to guide their kid at all academically they just need to exist in the next room” is wild. Its one thing if a parent straight up is not equipped but to say kids can just figured it out is…. wow coming from an educator What’s next the teacher doesn’t need to teach cause the kid can just follow the packet and figure it out?

Well then get a tutor right? Oh wait you are poor only affluent kids can afford a tutor for their hours of homework a day were they on average have none of the worries a poor child does. Does this address that poor children are more likely to also suffer abuse and mental illness? Like mentioned what about kids that can’t learn or comprehend the forced standardized way? Just let em fail? These children regularly are not in “special education”(some of those are a joke in their own and full of neglect and abuse) programs cause most aren’t even acknowledged as having disabilities or disorders.

But yes all and all those pesky poor kids just aren’t being worked hard enough lol pretty sure poor children’s existence just in childhood is more work, stress, and responsibility alone than an affluent child’s entire life cycle. Love they never once talked about the quality of education in the classroom being so bad between the poor and affluent it can qualify as segregation, just basically blamed poor people for being lazy, good job capitalism for failing us once again!

why the hell?

you should feel bad for saying this, this article can be helpful for people who has to write a essay about it

This is more of a political rant than it is about homework

I know a teacher who has told his students their homework is to find something they are interested in, pursue it and then come share what they learn. The student responses are quite compelling. One girl taught herself German so she could talk to her grandfather. One boy did a research project on Nelson Mandela because the teacher had mentioned him in class. Another boy, a both on the autism spectrum, fixed his family’s computer. The list goes on. This is fourth grade. I think students are highly motivated to learn, when we step aside and encourage them.

The whole point of homework is to give the students a chance to use the material that they have been presented with in class. If they never have the opportunity to use that information, and discover that it is actually useful, it will be in one ear and out the other. As a science teacher, it is critical that the students are challenged to use the material they have been presented with, which gives them the opportunity to actually think about it rather than regurgitate “facts”. Well designed homework forces the student to think conceptually, as opposed to regurgitation, which is never a pretty sight

Wonderful discussion. and yes, homework helps in learning and building skills in students.

not true it just causes kids to stress

Homework can be both beneficial and unuseful, if you will. There are students who are gifted in all subjects in school and ones with disabilities. Why should the students who are gifted get the lucky break, whereas the people who have disabilities suffer? The people who were born with this “gift” go through school with ease whereas people with disabilities struggle with the work given to them. I speak from experience because I am one of those students: the ones with disabilities. Homework doesn’t benefit “us”, it only tears us down and put us in an abyss of confusion and stress and hopelessness because we can’t learn as fast as others. Or we can’t handle the amount of work given whereas the gifted students go through it with ease. It just brings us down and makes us feel lost; because no mater what, it feels like we are destined to fail. It feels like we weren’t “cut out” for success.

homework does help

here is the thing though, if a child is shoved in the face with a whole ton of homework that isn’t really even considered homework it is assignments, it’s not helpful. the teacher should make homework more of a fun learning experience rather than something that is dreaded

This article was wonderful, I am going to ask my teachers about extra, or at all giving homework.

I agree. Especially when you have homework before an exam. Which is distasteful as you’ll need that time to study. It doesn’t make any sense, nor does us doing homework really matters as It’s just facts thrown at us.

Homework is too severe and is just too much for students, schools need to decrease the amount of homework. When teachers assign homework they forget that the students have other classes that give them the same amount of homework each day. Students need to work on social skills and life skills.

I disagree.

Beyond achievement, proponents of homework argue that it can have many other beneficial effects. They claim it can help students develop good study habits so they are ready to grow as their cognitive capacities mature. It can help students recognize that learning can occur at home as well as at school. Homework can foster independent learning and responsible character traits. And it can give parents an opportunity to see what’s going on at school and let them express positive attitudes toward achievement.

Homework is helpful because homework helps us by teaching us how to learn a specific topic.

As a student myself, I can say that I have almost never gotten the full 9 hours of recommended sleep time, because of homework. (Now I’m writing an essay on it in the middle of the night D=)

I am a 10 year old kid doing a report about “Is homework good or bad” for homework before i was going to do homework is bad but the sources from this site changed my mind!

Homeowkr is god for stusenrs

I agree with hunter because homework can be so stressful especially with this whole covid thing no one has time for homework and every one just wants to get back to there normal lives it is especially stressful when you go on a 2 week vaca 3 weeks into the new school year and and then less then a week after you come back from the vaca you are out for over a month because of covid and you have no way to get the assignment done and turned in

As great as homework is said to be in the is article, I feel like the viewpoint of the students was left out. Every where I go on the internet researching about this topic it almost always has interviews from teachers, professors, and the like. However isn’t that a little biased? Of course teachers are going to be for homework, they’re not the ones that have to stay up past midnight completing the homework from not just one class, but all of them. I just feel like this site is one-sided and you should include what the students of today think of spending four hours every night completing 6-8 classes worth of work.

Are we talking about homework or practice? Those are two very different things and can result in different outcomes.

Homework is a graded assignment. I do not know of research showing the benefits of graded assignments going home.

Practice; however, can be extremely beneficial, especially if there is some sort of feedback (not a grade but feedback). That feedback can come from the teacher, another student or even an automated grading program.

As a former band director, I assigned daily practice. I never once thought it would be appropriate for me to require the students to turn in a recording of their practice for me to grade. Instead, I had in-class assignments/assessments that were graded and directly related to the practice assigned.

I would really like to read articles on “homework” that truly distinguish between the two.

oof i feel bad good luck!

thank you guys for the artical because I have to finish an assingment. yes i did cite it but just thanks

thx for the article guys.

Homework is good

I think homework is helpful AND harmful. Sometimes u can’t get sleep bc of homework but it helps u practice for school too so idk.

I agree with this Article. And does anyone know when this was published. I would like to know.

It was published FEb 19, 2019.

Studies have shown that homework improved student achievement in terms of improved grades, test results, and the likelihood to attend college.

i think homework can help kids but at the same time not help kids

This article is so out of touch with majority of homes it would be laughable if it wasn’t so incredibly sad.

There is no value to homework all it does is add stress to already stressed homes. Parents or adults magically having the time or energy to shepherd kids through homework is dome sort of 1950’s fantasy.

What lala land do these teachers live in?

Homework gives noting to the kid

Homework is Bad

homework is bad.

why do kids even have homework?

Comments are closed.

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How To Finish Summer Homework Assignments: 14 Tips To Save Your Child’s Summer

• July 19, 2018

Many schools assign homework for students to complete before they return to class in September. This results in both parents and students having to learn how to finish summer reading and homework while balancing fun summer activities.

This summer, school is out and homework is in.

If your child has been putting off a pile of summer homework and reading assignments—he or she is not alone.

Reading books and writing assignments during the summer may not sound appealing to many students—or parents. Students can also get UK homework help if they need the some help with completing their assignment! But summer assignments are a great way to combat the effects of Summer Learning Loss and keep your child’s brain active over the break.

The Facts On Summer Learning Loss

Six weeks in the fall are spent re-learning old material Two months of reading skills are lost over the summer One month of overall learning is lost after summer vacation

With the right mindset, goals, and structure, you’ll have no problem finishing summer reading and homework between BBQ’s, ball games, and beach trips.

Follow these 14 steps to learn how to complete summer homework—without sacrificing summer fun.

14 Tips For Finishing Your Summer Homework Assignments

Make a game plan, tip 1: take a (quick) break.

It’s hard to go from a full year of schoolwork to tackling summer homework right off the bat. Let your child take a week off of homework at the start of the summer. This will give his or her brain a chance to relax and reset, and enjoy taking part in fun summer activities like sports.

Tip 2: Review Project Requirements

Don’t have your child dive head-first into his or her homework assignments. Review the expectations of each project with your child and discuss how much time he or she will need to complete them.

It would be a shame to waste time redoing a project because your child didn’t understand it initially. Reviewing all requirements is an important first step to starting off on the right foot.

Tip 3: Break Down Each Project Into A Series of Goals

Think about which assignments will take the longest and what your child will need to complete them during the summer. Break these larger assignments into a series of goals that need to be met to complete the project.

Examples of goals include “read 2 chapters per week” or “write essay introduction by July 15th”.

Set Aside The Right Amount Of Time

Tip 4: plan a weekly summer homework schedule.

This should be similar to a school year homework schedule, but altered for the summer. T he ideal amount of time to spend doing summer homework per week is 2-3 hours , so figure out where that time fits into your child’s average summer week.

Tip 5: Make A List Of Supplies & Resources

Your summer adventures could take you and your child to a wide variety of places. Make sure you both know what to bring with you so your child can tackle homework when not at home.

Examples of supplies include:

• Textbooks or Assigned Novels

Tip 6: Choose Assignment Topics Based On Interest, Not Length

Sometimes students are given options when it comes to topics to research or books to read over the summer. Encourage your child to make these decisions based on the topics that interests him or her most—not which is “easiest”. This will result in your child enjoying his or her work, and allow him to benefit more from it.

Help Your Child Do Work On-The-Go

Tip 7: adjust your homework schedule for trips & vacations.

Exploring new places is an amazing learning experience, so don’t feel like you should sacrifice them for more homework time. Instead, plan your child’s homework schedule around these day trips and vacations.

If you know your child won’t have time to complete work while you’re away on a longer trip, make up those hours in the weeks before and after your trip.

Tip 8: Tackle The Work Your Child Can Do On-The-Go

While writing an essay is a project to save for when you return home, there are assignments that your child can tackle from just about anywhere. Options for homework to do on vacation include projects that are doable in small chunks—like reading a book or completing a math worksheet.

Tip 9: Bring Your Child’s Supplies With You

Remember that supplies list you created? Make sure you pack that backpack and bring it with you on your trip! It’d be a waste to find a spare hour to finish that math assignment, only to realize your child left his or her calculator at home.

Tip 10: Capitalize On The Quiet Times

Even the busiest trips include some quiet time. If you’re early for a dinner reservation, have your child complete a chapter of reading while you wait. Or, encourage your child to wake up 20 minutes early to answer some math questions without disruption.

Build A Support Team For Your Child

Tip 11: schedule a weekly workdate for your child & a friend.

There’s no reason your child has to work through summer homework alone. Make a weekly work date with a friend where they can tackle summer assignments together. If that friend is in the same class as your child, they can even discuss questions and challenges together. Build A Support Team For Your Child

Tip 12: Review Your Child’s Progress Every Week

Each week, speak with your child about the work he or she accomplished, and what is planned for the week ahead. If you know your child will be busy soon, work together to reorganize his or her homework schedule.

Tip 13: Touch Base With a Tutor (Or Enrol In Summer Learning Program)

A new set of eyes can make all the difference in making sure your child gets his or her summer assignments done efficiently and effectively. Your child’s tutor will be able to give constructive feedback and turn this feedback into goals for the upcoming school year.

If you want an extra head start for your child this school year, enroll him or her in a Summer Learning tutoring program to get started on the right track.

And Most Importantly…

Tip 14: reward your child with summer fun.

While schoolwork is important during the summer, it doesn’t have to come at the sacrifice of having fun. Whenever your child completes a new project or achieves a goal, reward him or her with a treat or fun summer activity.

Work Hard—And Play Hard—This Summer

Summer might seem like it will last forever, but the school year will be here before you know it. Don’t let your child fall into the habit of procrastination—instead, make a plan together and stick to it.

If you follow these tips, your child will finish summer homework and summer reading in no time…and develop great learning and study habits that will already be in place for next year!

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Everyone struggles with homework sometimes, but if getting your homework done has become a chronic issue for you, then you may need a little extra help. That’s why we’ve written this article all about how to do homework. Once you’re finished reading it, you’ll know how to do homework (and have tons of new ways to motivate yourself to do homework)!

We’ve broken this article down into a few major sections. You’ll find:

• A diagnostic test to help you figure out why you’re struggling with homework
• A discussion of the four major homework problems students face, along with expert tips for addressing them
• A bonus section with tips for how to do homework fast

By the end of this article, you’ll be prepared to tackle whatever homework assignments your teachers throw at you .

So let’s get started!

How to Do Homework: Figure Out Your Struggles 

Sometimes it feels like everything is standing between you and getting your homework done. But the truth is, most people only have one or two major roadblocks that are keeping them from getting their homework done well and on time. 

The best way to figure out how to get motivated to do homework starts with pinpointing the issues that are affecting your ability to get your assignments done. That’s why we’ve developed a short quiz to help you identify the areas where you’re struggling. 

Take the quiz below and record your answers on your phone or on a scrap piece of paper. Keep in mind there are no wrong answers! 

1. You’ve just been assigned an essay in your English class that’s due at the end of the week. What’s the first thing you do?

A. Keep it in mind, even though you won’t start it until the day before it’s due  B. Open up your planner. You’ve got to figure out when you’ll write your paper since you have band practice, a speech tournament, and your little sister’s dance recital this week, too.  C. Groan out loud. Another essay? You could barely get yourself to write the last one!  D. Start thinking about your essay topic, which makes you think about your art project that’s due the same day, which reminds you that your favorite artist might have just posted to Instagram...so you better check your feed right now. 

2. Your mom asked you to pick up your room before she gets home from work. You’ve just gotten home from school. You decide you’ll tackle your chores: 

A. Five minutes before your mom walks through the front door. As long as it gets done, who cares when you start?  B. As soon as you get home from your shift at the local grocery store.  C. After you give yourself a 15-minute pep talk about how you need to get to work.  D. You won’t get it done. Between texts from your friends, trying to watch your favorite Netflix show, and playing with your dog, you just lost track of time! 

3. You’ve signed up to wash dogs at the Humane Society to help earn money for your senior class trip. You: 

A. Show up ten minutes late. You put off leaving your house until the last minute, then got stuck in unexpected traffic on the way to the shelter.  B. Have to call and cancel at the last minute. You forgot you’d already agreed to babysit your cousin and bake cupcakes for tomorrow’s bake sale.  C. Actually arrive fifteen minutes early with extra brushes and bandanas you picked up at the store. You’re passionate about animals, so you’re excited to help out! D. Show up on time, but only get three dogs washed. You couldn’t help it: you just kept getting distracted by how cute they were!

4. You have an hour of downtime, so you decide you’re going to watch an episode of The Great British Baking Show. You: 

A. Scroll through your social media feeds for twenty minutes before hitting play, which means you’re not able to finish the whole episode. Ugh! You really wanted to see who was sent home!  B. Watch fifteen minutes until you remember you’re supposed to pick up your sister from band practice before heading to your part-time job. No GBBO for you!  C. You finish one episode, then decide to watch another even though you’ve got SAT studying to do. It’s just more fun to watch people make scones.  D. Start the episode, but only catch bits and pieces of it because you’re reading Twitter, cleaning out your backpack, and eating a snack at the same time.

5. Your teacher asks you to stay after class because you’ve missed turning in two homework assignments in a row. When she asks you what’s wrong, you say: 

A. You planned to do your assignments during lunch, but you ran out of time. You decided it would be better to turn in nothing at all than submit unfinished work.  B. You really wanted to get the assignments done, but between your extracurriculars, family commitments, and your part-time job, your homework fell through the cracks.  C. You have a hard time psyching yourself to tackle the assignments. You just can’t seem to find the motivation to work on them once you get home.  D. You tried to do them, but you had a hard time focusing. By the time you realized you hadn’t gotten anything done, it was already time to turn them in. 

Like we said earlier, there are no right or wrong answers to this quiz (though your results will be better if you answered as honestly as possible). Here’s how your answers break down: 

• If your answers were mostly As, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is procrastination. 
• If your answers were mostly Bs, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is time management. 
• If your answers were mostly Cs, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is motivation. 
• If your answers were mostly Ds, then your biggest struggle with doing homework is getting distracted. 

Now that you’ve identified why you’re having a hard time getting your homework done, we can help you figure out how to fix it! Scroll down to find your core problem area to learn more about how you can start to address it. 

And one more thing: you’re really struggling with homework, it’s a good idea to read through every section below. You may find some additional tips that will help make homework less intimidating. 

How to Do Homework When You’re a Procrastinator  

Merriam Webster defines “procrastinate” as “to put off intentionally and habitually.” In other words, procrastination is when you choose to do something at the last minute on a regular basis. If you’ve ever found yourself pulling an all-nighter, trying to finish an assignment between periods, or sprinting to turn in a paper minutes before a deadline, you’ve experienced the effects of procrastination. 

If you’re a chronic procrastinator, you’re in good company. In fact, one study found that 70% to 95% of undergraduate students procrastinate when it comes to doing their homework. Unfortunately, procrastination can negatively impact your grades. Researchers have found that procrastination can lower your grade on an assignment by as much as five points ...which might not sound serious until you realize that can mean the difference between a B- and a C+. 

Procrastination can also negatively affect your health by increasing your stress levels , which can lead to other health conditions like insomnia, a weakened immune system, and even heart conditions. Getting a handle on procrastination can not only improve your grades, it can make you feel better, too! 

The big thing to understand about procrastination is that it’s not the result of laziness. Laziness is defined as being “disinclined to activity or exertion.” In other words, being lazy is all about doing nothing. But a s this Psychology Today article explains , procrastinators don’t put things off because they don’t want to work. Instead, procrastinators tend to postpone tasks they don’t want to do in favor of tasks that they perceive as either more important or more fun. Put another way, procrastinators want to do things...as long as it’s not their homework! 

3 Tips f or Conquering Procrastination 

Because putting off doing homework is a common problem, there are lots of good tactics for addressing procrastination. Keep reading for our three expert tips that will get your homework habits back on track in no time. 

#1: Create a Reward System

Like we mentioned earlier, procrastination happens when you prioritize other activities over getting your homework done. Many times, this happens because homework...well, just isn’t enjoyable. But you can add some fun back into the process by rewarding yourself for getting your work done. 

Here’s what we mean: let’s say you decide that every time you get your homework done before the day it’s due, you’ll give yourself a point. For every five points you earn, you’ll treat yourself to your favorite dessert: a chocolate cupcake! Now you have an extra (delicious!) incentive to motivate you to leave procrastination in the dust. 

If you’re not into cupcakes, don’t worry. Your reward can be anything that motivates you . Maybe it’s hanging out with your best friend or an extra ten minutes of video game time. As long as you’re choosing something that makes homework worth doing, you’ll be successful. 

#2: Have a Homework Accountability Partner 

If you’re having trouble getting yourself to start your homework ahead of time, it may be a good idea to call in reinforcements . Find a friend or classmate you can trust and explain to them that you’re trying to change your homework habits. Ask them if they’d be willing to text you to make sure you’re doing your homework and check in with you once a week to see if you’re meeting your anti-procrastination goals. 

Sharing your goals can make them feel more real, and an accountability partner can help hold you responsible for your decisions. For example, let’s say you’re tempted to put off your science lab write-up until the morning before it’s due. But you know that your accountability partner is going to text you about it tomorrow...and you don’t want to fess up that you haven’t started your assignment. A homework accountability partner can give you the extra support and incentive you need to keep your homework habits on track. 

#3: Create Your Own Due Dates 

If you’re a life-long procrastinator, you might find that changing the habit is harder than you expected. In that case, you might try using procrastination to your advantage! If you just can’t seem to stop doing your work at the last minute, try setting your own due dates for assignments that range from a day to a week before the assignment is actually due. 

Here’s what we mean. Let’s say you have a math worksheet that’s been assigned on Tuesday and is due on Friday. In your planner, you can write down the due date as Thursday instead. You may still put off your homework assignment until the last minute...but in this case, the “last minute” is a day before the assignment’s real due date . This little hack can trick your procrastination-addicted brain into planning ahead! 

If you feel like Kevin Hart in this meme, then our tips for doing homework when you're busy are for you. 

How to Do Homework When You’re too Busy

If you’re aiming to go to a top-tier college , you’re going to have a full plate. Because college admissions is getting more competitive, it’s important that you’re maintaining your grades , studying hard for your standardized tests , and participating in extracurriculars so your application stands out. A packed schedule can get even more hectic once you add family obligations or a part-time job to the mix. 

If you feel like you’re being pulled in a million directions at once, you’re not alone. Recent research has found that stress—and more severe stress-related conditions like anxiety and depression— are a major problem for high school students . In fact, one study from the American Psychological Association found that during the school year, students’ stress levels are higher than those of the adults around them. 

For students, homework is a major contributor to their overall stress levels . Many high schoolers have multiple hours of homework every night , and figuring out how to fit it into an already-packed schedule can seem impossible. 

3 Tips for Fitting Homework Into Your Busy Schedule

While it might feel like you have literally no time left in your schedule, there are still ways to make sure you’re able to get your homework done and meet your other commitments. Here are our expert homework tips for even the busiest of students. 

#1: Make a Prioritized To-Do List 

You probably already have a to-do list to keep yourself on track. The next step is to prioritize the items on your to-do list so you can see what items need your attention right away. 

Here’s how it works: at the beginning of each day, sit down and make a list of all the items you need to get done before you go to bed. This includes your homework, but it should also take into account any practices, chores, events, or job shifts you may have. Once you get everything listed out, it’s time to prioritize them using the labels A, B, and C. Here’s what those labels mean:

• A Tasks : tasks that have to get done—like showing up at work or turning in an assignment—get an A. 
• B Tasks : these are tasks that you would like to get done by the end of the day but aren’t as time sensitive. For example, studying for a test you have next week could be a B-level task. It’s still important, but it doesn’t have to be done right away.
• C Tasks: these are tasks that aren’t very important and/or have no real consequences if you don’t get them done immediately. For instance, if you’re hoping to clean out your closet but it’s not an assigned chore from your parents, you could label that to-do item with a C.

Prioritizing your to-do list helps you visualize which items need your immediate attention, and which items you can leave for later. A prioritized to-do list ensures that you’re spending your time efficiently and effectively, which helps you make room in your schedule for homework. So even though you might really want to start making decorations for Homecoming (a B task), you’ll know that finishing your reading log (an A task) is more important. 

#2: Use a Planner With Time Labels

Your planner is probably packed with notes, events, and assignments already. (And if you’re not using a planner, it’s time to start!) But planners can do more for you than just remind you when an assignment is due. If you’re using a planner with time labels, it can help you visualize how you need to spend your day.

A planner with time labels breaks your day down into chunks, and you assign tasks to each chunk of time. For example, you can make a note of your class schedule with assignments, block out time to study, and make sure you know when you need to be at practice. Once you know which tasks take priority, you can add them to any empty spaces in your day. 

Planning out how you spend your time not only helps you use it wisely, it can help you feel less overwhelmed, too . We’re big fans of planners that include a task list ( like this one ) or have room for notes ( like this one ). 

#3: Set Reminders on Your Phone 

If you need a little extra nudge to make sure you’re getting your homework done on time, it’s a good idea to set some reminders on your phone. You don’t need a fancy app, either. You can use your alarm app to have it go off at specific times throughout the day to remind you to do your homework. This works especially well if you have a set homework time scheduled. So if you’ve decided you’re doing homework at 6:00 pm, you can set an alarm to remind you to bust out your books and get to work. 

If you use your phone as your planner, you may have the option to add alerts, emails, or notifications to scheduled events . Many calendar apps, including the one that comes with your phone, have built-in reminders that you can customize to meet your needs. So if you block off time to do your homework from 4:30 to 6:00 pm, you can set a reminder that will pop up on your phone when it’s time to get started. 

This dog isn't judging your lack of motivation...but your teacher might. Keep reading for tips to help you motivate yourself to do your homework.

How to Do Homework When You’re Unmotivated 

At first glance, it may seem like procrastination and being unmotivated are the same thing. After all, both of these issues usually result in you putting off your homework until the very last minute. 

But there’s one key difference: many procrastinators are working, they’re just prioritizing work differently. They know they’re going to start their homework...they’re just going to do it later. 

Conversely, people who are unmotivated to do homework just can’t find the willpower to tackle their assignments. Procrastinators know they’ll at least attempt the homework at the last minute, whereas people who are unmotivated struggle with convincing themselves to do it at a ll. For procrastinators, the stress comes from the inevitable time crunch. For unmotivated people, the stress comes from trying to convince themselves to do something they don’t want to do in the first place. 

Here are some common reasons students are unmotivated in doing homework : 

• Assignments are too easy, too hard, or seemingly pointless 
• Students aren’t interested in (or passionate about) the subject matter
• Students are intimidated by the work and/or feels like they don’t understand the assignment 
• Homework isn’t fun, and students would rather spend their time on things that they enjoy 

To sum it up: people who lack motivation to do their homework are more likely to not do it at all, or to spend more time worrying about doing their homework than...well, actually doing it.

3 Tips for How to Get Motivated to Do Homework

The key to getting homework done when you’re unmotivated is to figure out what does motivate you, then apply those things to homework. It sounds tricky...but it’s pretty simple once you get the hang of it! Here are our three expert tips for motivating yourself to do your homework. 

#1: Use Incremental Incentives

When you’re not motivated, it’s important to give yourself small rewards to stay focused on finishing the task at hand. The trick is to keep the incentives small and to reward yourself often. For example, maybe you’re reading a good book in your free time. For every ten minutes you spend on your homework, you get to read five pages of your book. Like we mentioned earlier, make sure you’re choosing a reward that works for you! 

So why does this technique work? Using small rewards more often allows you to experience small wins for getting your work done. Every time you make it to one of your tiny reward points, you get to celebrate your success, which gives your brain a boost of dopamine . Dopamine helps you stay motivated and also creates a feeling of satisfaction when you complete your homework !  

#2: Form a Homework Group 

If you’re having trouble motivating yourself, it’s okay to turn to others for support. Creating a homework group can help with this. Bring together a group of your friends or classmates, and pick one time a week where you meet and work on homework together. You don’t have to be in the same class, or even taking the same subjects— the goal is to encourage one another to start (and finish!) your assignments. 

Another added benefit of a homework group is that you can help one another if you’re struggling to understand the material covered in your classes. This is especially helpful if your lack of motivation comes from being intimidated by your assignments. Asking your friends for help may feel less scary than talking to your teacher...and once you get a handle on the material, your homework may become less frightening, too. 

#3: Change Up Your Environment 

If you find that you’re totally unmotivated, it may help if you find a new place to do your homework. For example, if you’ve been struggling to get your homework done at home, try spending an extra hour in the library after school instead. The change of scenery can limit your distractions and give you the energy you need to get your work done. 

If you’re stuck doing homework at home, you can still use this tip. For instance, maybe you’ve always done your homework sitting on your bed. Try relocating somewhere else, like your kitchen table, for a few weeks. You may find that setting up a new “homework spot” in your house gives you a motivational lift and helps you get your work done. 

Social media can be a huge problem when it comes to doing homework. We have advice for helping you unplug and regain focus.

How to Do Homework When You’re Easily Distracted

We live in an always-on world, and there are tons of things clamoring for our attention. From friends and family to pop culture and social media, it seems like there’s always something (or someone!) distracting us from the things we need to do.

The 24/7 world we live in has affected our ability to focus on tasks for prolonged periods of time. Research has shown that over the past decade, an average person’s attention span has gone from 12 seconds to eight seconds . And when we do lose focus, i t takes people a long time to get back on task . One study found that it can take as long as 23 minutes to get back to work once we’ve been distracte d. No wonder it can take hours to get your homework done! 

3 Tips to Improve Your Focus

If you have a hard time focusing when you’re doing your homework, it’s a good idea to try and eliminate as many distractions as possible. Here are three expert tips for blocking out the noise so you can focus on getting your homework done. 

#1: Create a Distraction-Free Environment

Pick a place where you’ll do your homework every day, and make it as distraction-free as possible. Try to find a location where there won’t be tons of noise, and limit your access to screens while you’re doing your homework. Put together a focus-oriented playlist (or choose one on your favorite streaming service), and put your headphones on while you work. 

You may find that other people, like your friends and family, are your biggest distraction. If that’s the case, try setting up some homework boundaries. Let them know when you’ll be working on homework every day, and ask them if they’ll help you keep a quiet environment. They’ll be happy to lend a hand! 

#2: Limit Your Access to Technology 

We know, we know...this tip isn’t fun, but it does work. For homework that doesn’t require a computer, like handouts or worksheets, it’s best to put all your technology away . Turn off your television, put your phone and laptop in your backpack, and silence notifications on any wearable tech you may be sporting. If you listen to music while you work, that’s fine...but make sure you have a playlist set up so you’re not shuffling through songs once you get started on your homework. 

If your homework requires your laptop or tablet, it can be harder to limit your access to distractions. But it’s not impossible! T here are apps you can download that will block certain websites while you’re working so that you’re not tempted to scroll through Twitter or check your Facebook feed. Silence notifications and text messages on your computer, and don’t open your email account unless you absolutely have to. And if you don’t need access to the internet to complete your assignments, turn off your WiFi. Cutting out the online chatter is a great way to make sure you’re getting your homework done. 

#3: Set a Timer (the Pomodoro Technique)

Have you ever heard of the Pomodoro technique ? It’s a productivity hack that uses a timer to help you focus!

Here’s how it works: first, set a timer for 25 minutes. This is going to be your work time. During this 25 minutes, all you can do is work on whatever homework assignment you have in front of you. No email, no text messaging, no phone calls—just homework. When that timer goes off, you get to take a 5 minute break. Every time you go through one of these cycles, it’s called a “pomodoro.” For every four pomodoros you complete, you can take a longer break of 15 to 30 minutes.

The pomodoro technique works through a combination of boundary setting and rewards. First, it gives you a finite amount of time to focus, so you know that you only have to work really hard for 25 minutes. Once you’ve done that, you’re rewarded with a short break where you can do whatever you want. Additionally, tracking how many pomodoros you complete can help you see how long you’re really working on your homework. (Once you start using our focus tips, you may find it doesn’t take as long as you thought!)

Two Bonus Tips for How to Do Homework Fast

Even if you’re doing everything right, there will be times when you just need to get your homework done as fast as possible. (Why do teachers always have projects due in the same week? The world may never know.)

The problem with speeding through homework is that it’s easy to make mistakes. While turning in an assignment is always better than not submitting anything at all, you want to make sure that you’re not compromising quality for speed. Simply put, the goal is to get your homework done quickly and still make a good grade on the assignment! 

Here are our two bonus tips for getting a decent grade on your homework assignments , even when you’re in a time crunch. 

#1: Do the Easy Parts First 

This is especially true if you’re working on a handout with multiple questions. Before you start working on the assignment, read through all the questions and problems. As you do, make a mark beside the questions you think are “easy” to answer . 

Once you’ve finished going through the whole assignment, you can answer these questions first. Getting the easy questions out of the way as quickly as possible lets you spend more time on the trickier portions of your homework, which will maximize your assignment grade. 

(Quick note: this is also a good strategy to use on timed assignments and tests, like the SAT and the ACT !) 

#2: Pay Attention in Class 

Homework gets a lot easier when you’re actively learning the material. Teachers aren’t giving you homework because they’re mean or trying to ruin your weekend... it’s because they want you to really understand the course material. Homework is designed to reinforce what you’re already learning in class so you’ll be ready to tackle harder concepts later.

When you pay attention in class, ask questions, and take good notes, you’re absorbing the information you’ll need to succeed on your homework assignments. (You’re stuck in class anyway, so you might as well make the most of it!) Not only will paying attention in class make your homework less confusing, it will also help it go much faster, too.

What’s Next?

If you’re looking to improve your productivity beyond homework, a good place to begin is with time management. After all, we only have so much time in a day...so it’s important to get the most out of it! To get you started, check out this list of the 12 best time management techniques that you can start using today.

You may have read this article because homework struggles have been affecting your GPA. Now that you’re on the path to homework success, it’s time to start being proactive about raising your grades. This article teaches you everything you need to know about raising your GPA so you can

Now you know how to get motivated to do homework...but what about your study habits? Studying is just as critical to getting good grades, and ultimately getting into a good college . We can teach you how to study bette r in high school. (We’ve also got tons of resources to help you study for your ACT and SAT exams , too!)

These recommendations are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links, PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Ashley Sufflé Robinson has a Ph.D. in 19th Century English Literature. As a content writer for PrepScholar, Ashley is passionate about giving college-bound students the in-depth information they need to get into the school of their dreams.

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What to do when a client fails to do assigned homework.

May 10, 2016 | SupaduDev | Quick Tips For Therapists

By Patrick M. Duffy, PsyD

Most therapists are familiar with the disorientation that arises when their agenda is rendered moot by a client’s failure to complete homework. The resulting session may be a meandering, redundant discussion about the importance of the intervention—and a repeated homework assignment.

When homework is reassigned, the logical question is, “Will they do it?” If nothing changes, why would they? This is crucial and why incomplete homework, met with the right strategy, can be an important clinical opportunity. Simply noting “noncompliance with treatment” in their record is a big assumption and misses the window.

To capitalize on the incomplete assignment, you must assess why it wasn’t completed. “When we last met, we agreed it would be helpful to ____. Can you help me understand what got in the way?” There are a range of possibilities. Are you asking them to do something they don’t want to do? Did they understand the task and have the necessary skills? Did they grasp the rationale and think it would work? If other people are involved, was there disagreement or conflict? Were they deterred by a barrier that could have been predicted and planned for? Is there another presenting problem—unknown to you—inhibiting progress? If barriers exist, we must be aware of and address them—or treatment may stall.

A female client of mine had agreed to implement a strategy with her daughter. By the next session, she had not, so our discussion shifted to why. Initially, she said she was depressed and just couldn’t do it. Seeking specifics, we discussed the sequence and at what point she stopped. That analysis revealed that her daughter’s reaction made her fearful due to past aggression. She also said her husband was uninvolved and minimized the aggression. Had we simply reassigned the homework, the likely similar results may have left her feeling defeated. Instead, we engaged the father, explaining that his wife was afraid and his daughter’s behavior deteriorating. We then developed strategies for them to effectively co-parent, which also improved their relationship, which had been another contributor to her sadness.

Incomplete homework requires a shift, but conceptualizing it as evidence of a barrier provides a strategy and an opportunity. With this client, it provided a turning point.

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by: The GreatSchools Editorial Team | Updated: June 13, 2023

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Does your child always have a problem finishing homework correctly within a reasonable amount of time? Do you have to survive a battle or devote a lot of your time and help each night? Do you question why your child has to do homework at all? If your child has learning or attention problems, it’s likely you and your child have faced such challenges. Understanding the purpose of homework — and learning strategies for managing assignments effectively — can be of great help to you and your child.

What is the purpose of homework?

Homework gives your child a chance to practice what she’s learned in school. It’s not supposed to teach new concepts or skills. Practice is important because it helps your child master important skills. All too often, however, the kids who need the most practice are those who find homework to be harder, take longer, and raise negative feelings.

Start by making sure your child understands what the assignment is and the directions for completing it. Next, find out if she has learned enough at school to do the assignment on her own. If your child has problems in either of these areas, schedule a conference with her teacher to develop a home-school communication system. One example would be an assignment sheet that the teacher reviews with the child and sends home for the parent to read and sign off on.

Where is it done?

For some kids, a small desk where supplies can be stored is the best place to do homework. In other homes, the kitchen table may be the best place. Wherever your child works, you should be able to check to see if she’s sticking to the task, especially if she has problems with concentration, and be able to offer encouragement.

When is it done?

For some kids, right after school is the perfect time to do the work because the assignment is fresh in their minds. Others need a break before they can tackle more school work.

Sometimes team sports, a parent’s work schedule, or other activities interfere with doing homework immediately after school. With your child’s input, you may need to develop two plans: one for the usual day and one for unusual events. When you agree on the plans, write them down.

If your child usually resists homework, make sure it doesn’t immediately follow an interesting, rewarding activity (e.g., skateboarding with friends, playing a computer game). That can make the task look even more distasteful. Instead, transition her from fun activities to activities less enjoyable but also less difficult than homework. For example, ask her to bring in the mail, then ask her to set the table, and follow that with a request to help you tear lettuce for the salad. This is called “behavioral momentum,” getting your child to do tasks that are not hard and are rarely resisted before you ask her to do something challenging. The idea is to create a distance from the fun activity to the more difficult one by inserting small, neutral tasks. Resistance is less likely if the momentum of compliance is built first.

How much time should it take?

If your child has problems focusing on a task, writes slowly, or needs more time to understand concepts, homework can take a lot longer. No wonder she protests, tries to delay, hides the work, or doesn’t turn it in at school! Sometimes just your sympathy can help.

Be sure the amount of time she’s expected to work at home is appropriate for her age. Some schools, for example, expect 30-45 minutes per night in the early grades, increasing to one hour in late elementary school and two hours by middle school. Learn about your school’s homework policy for each grade level.

By keeping track of how long it really takes your child to do her homework, you’ll have specific information to share with her teachers. If the amount of time exceeds the school’s homework policy, meet with her teacher to discuss what accommodations might be made to help your child succeed with homework.

How can parents help?

• Remember that homework is a form of practice , so don’t expect your child to do all the assignments perfectly. Reassure her that everyone makes mistakes and that mistakes help guide the next steps in the learning process.
• Encourage your child to talk to you about what she finds hard or confusing . Listen to her ideas on what would make homework easier.
• Model and help your child learn good organization and time management skills .
• If assignments seem endless, break them into smaller parts. For a young child, fold worksheets into two or three parts to reduce feelings of being overwhelmed. For older students, have them highlight sections of the assignment in different colors, green — first part, yellow — second part, red — last.
• Visually communicate progress towards completion. Take a small strip of paper and divide it into four to eight parts. Periodically, come by with an encouraging word and draw a star or make a check in one of the sections. The chart and homework should be completed at the same time. Then give her a reward, such as a “high 5” or a hug.
• Let her choose a pleasurable activity she can do immediately following homework , e.g., playing a game with the family, listening to a favorite story or CD, talking to a friend on the phone. Make sure the activity is one she’s chosen so it motivates her to finish the work.
• Above all, try to keep negative emotions out of interactions around homework. If you’re feeling challenged by your child’s frustrating behavior , try to find out the causes.

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Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

“My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork

By janet lehman, msw.

For many parents, getting their kids to do their homework is a nightly struggle. Some kids refuse to do their homework. Others claim that they don’t have homework, but then the report card comes out, and you realize that their work was not being done.

So why is homework time so difficult? In my opinion, one of the major reasons is that it’s hard for kids to focus at home. Look at it this way: when your child is in school, they’re in a classroom where there aren’t a lot of distractions. The learning is structured and organized, and all the students are focusing on the same thing.

But when your child comes home, their brain clicks over to “free time” mode. In their mind, home is a place to relax, have a snack, listen to music, and play video games. Kids simply don’t view the home as the place to do schoolwork.

If the homework struggles you experience are part of a larger pattern of acting out behavior, then the child is resisting to get power over you. They intend to do what they want to do when they want to do it, and homework just becomes another battlefield. And, as on any other battlefield, parents can use tactics that succeed or tactics that fail.

Regardless of why your child won’t do their homework, know that fighting over it is a losing proposition for both of you. You will end up frustrated, angry, and exhausted, and your child will have found yet another way to push your buttons. And, even worse, they will wind up hating school and hating learning.

A major part of getting your child to do their homework lies in establishing a system so that your child comes to see that homework is just a regular part of home life. Once they accept that, you’ve already won half the battle. Accordingly, my first few tips are around setting up this system. If you get the system right, things tend to fall into place.

Put this system in place with your child at a time when things are calm and going well rather than during the heat of an argument. Tell your child that you’re going to try something different starting next week with homework that will make it go better for everyone. Then explain the system.

You’ll find that this system will make your life easier as a parent, will make you more effective as a parent, and will help your child to get the work done. And when your child gets their work done, they’re more likely to succeed, and nothing drives motivation more than success.

Structure the Evening for Homework

When your kids come home, there should be a structure and a schedule set up each night. I recommend that you write this up and post it on the refrigerator or in some central location in the house. Kids need to know that there is a time to eat, a time to do homework, and also that there is free time. And remember, free time starts after homework is done.

Homework time should be a quiet time in your whole house. Siblings shouldn’t be in the next room watching TV or playing video games. The whole idea is to eliminate distractions. The message to your child is, “You’re not going to do anything anyway, so you might as well do your homework.”

Even if your child doesn’t have homework some nights, homework time should still mean no phone and no electronics. Instead, your child can read a book or a magazine in their room or work on longer-term assignments. Consistently adhering to the homework time structure is important to instill the homework habit.

Start the Evening Homework Habit When Your Kids are Young

If your children are younger and they don’t get homework yet, set aside quiet time each evening where your child can read or do some type of learning. Doing so will help children understand that evening quiet and study time is a part of everyday home life, just like chores. This habit will pay off when the real homework begins.

Use a Public Place for Homework

For a lot of kids, sending them to their rooms to do their homework is a mistake. Many children need your presence to stay focused and disciplined. And they need to be away from the stuff in their rooms that can distract them.

You know your child best. If you think they’re not being productive in their room, then insist they work at the kitchen table or in some other room where you can monitor them and where there will be fewer distractions.

If they do homework in their room, the door to the room should be open, and you should check in from time to time. No text messaging, no fooling around. Take the phone and laptop away and eliminate electronics from the room during study time. In short, you want to get rid of all the temptations and distractions.

Give Breaks During Homework Time

Many kids get tired halfway through homework time, and that’s when they start acting up. If your child is doing an hour of homework, have them take a 5-minute break every half-hour so that they can get up, have a snack, and stretch their legs. But don’t allow electronics during the break—electronics are just too distracting.

Monitor the break and ensure that your child gets back to work promptly.

Be sure to encourage your child when they’re discouraged. It’s okay to say things like:

“I know it’s a drag, but think of this—when you get your work done, the rest of the night is yours.”

“Look, if you do your work all week, you’ll have the whole weekend to do what you want.”

Show your child empathy—how many of us truly enjoyed homework every night? It’s work, pure and simple. But your child will be encouraged when they begin to have success with their work.

Help Your Child Get Started With Their Homework

Some kids have a hard time getting assignments started. They may be overwhelmed or unsure where to begin. Or the work may seem too difficult.

There’s a concept I explain in The Total Transformation® child behavior program called hurdle help . If you have a child who has a hard time getting started, spend the first five minutes with them to get them over the first couple of hurdles. Perhaps help them with the first math problem or make sure they understand the assignment.

For many kids who are slow starters, hurdle help is very effective. This doesn’t mean you are doing their homework for them—this is simply extra help designed to get them going on their own.

Help Your Child Manage Long-Term Assignments

If your child has a big, long-term project, then you want to work with them to estimate how much time it’s going to take. Then your child has to work within that time frame. So if your child has a science project, help them manage and structure their time. For instance, if the project is due in 30 days, ask them:

“How much time are you going to spend on it each night?”

They might say, “15 minutes a night,” and you hold them to that.

Don’t assume that your child knows how to manage their time effectively. As adults, we sometimes take for granted the habits we have spent a lifetime developing and forget that our kids are not there yet.

Make Sunday Night a School Night

The way that I structure the weekend is that Sunday night is a school night, not Friday. So if your child has homework for the weekend, and as long as they’re done all their work for the past week, they get Friday and Saturday night off and can do their homework on Sunday night.

If there’s a project or something big to do over the weekend, then work with your child to budget their time. They may have to put some time in on Saturday or Sunday during the day. But other than that, your child should have the weekend off too, just like adults do.

The Weekend Doesn’t Begin Until Overdue Work Is Done

If your child has overdue homework, their weekend shouldn’t begin until those assignments are done. In other words, Friday night is a homework night if their week’s work is not complete.

Believe me, this is a highly effective consequence for kids because it creates a great incentive to get their work done. Indeed, each minute they’re doing homework is a minute they could be hanging out with friends or playing video games.

If you can hold to this rule once and deal with the complaining, then next week the homework will be done.

By the way, if they say they can’t do their homework because they didn’t bring their school books home, they should be grounded for the weekend. You can say:

“I don’t want to hear that you can’t do it because you don’t have your books. You’d better call around and find a friend who you can borrow them from. Otherwise, you’ll be staying in this weekend.”

Make Homework a Higher Priority Than Activities

Kids are involved in a lot of after school activities these days. I understand that. But my priority has always been “homework comes first.”

In my opinion, if the homework isn’t done on Monday, then your child shouldn’t go to football on Tuesday. It’s fine if he misses a practice or two. You can say:

“Here’s the deal. We’re not going to football today. You need to get your work done first.”

If your child says, “Well, if I miss a practice, I’m going to get thrown off the team,” You can say:

“Well, then make sure your work is complete. Otherwise, you’re not going to practice. That’s all there is to it.”

I personally don’t put football, soccer, or any other extracurricular activities above homework and home responsibilities. I don’t believe parents should be going from soccer to karate to basketball with their kids while homework and school responsibilities are being neglected.

Use Rewards for Schoolwork, Not Bribes

Most kids get personal satisfaction out of getting good grades and completing their work, and that’s what we’re aiming for. Nevertheless, it’s important to reinforce positive behavior, and that may mean offering an incentive for getting good grades. For instance, my son knew that he would get a certain reward for his performance if he got all B’s or above. The reward was an incentive to do well.

One of the shortcuts we take as parents is to bribe our kids rather than rewarding them for performance. It can be a subtle difference. A reward is something that is given after an achievement. A bribe is something you give your child after negotiating with them over something that is already a responsibility.

If you bribe your child to do their homework or to do anything else that is an expected responsibility, then your child will come to expect something extra just for behaving appropriately. Bribes undermine your parental authority as kids learn that they can get things from you by threatening bad behavior. Bribes put your child in charge of you.

The appropriate parental response to not meeting a responsibility is a consequence, not a bribe. A bribe says, “If you do your homework, I will extend your curfew by an hour.” In contrast, a consequence says, “If you don’t do your homework, you’re grounded until it’s finished.” Never bribe your kids to do what they’re expected to do.

Use Effective Consequences

When giving consequences, be sure they’re effective consequences. What makes an effective consequence? An effective consequence motivates your child to good behavior. They put you back in control and teach your child how to problem-solve, giving your child the skills needed to be successful.

An effective consequence looks like this:

“If you fall below a B average, then you can no longer study in your room and must study at the kitchen table until you get your average back to a B.”

For the child who prefers to study in their room, this is an effective consequence.

Another effective consequence would be the following:

“If you choose not to study during the scheduled time, you will lose your electronics for the night. Tomorrow, you’ll get another chance to use them.”

And the next day, your child gets to try again to earn the privilege of electronics. Short-term consequences like this are very effective. Just don’t take away this privilege for more than a day as your child will have no incentive to do better the next time.

For more on consequences, read the article on how to give effective consequences to your child .

Be Prepared to Let Your Child Fail

Failure should be an option, and sometimes you just have to let your child fail . Parents often do their kids a disservice when they shield them from the consequences of their actions. If your child chooses not to study enough and they get a failing grade, that’s the natural consequence for their behavior. And they should experience the discomfort that results from their behavior.

Let me be clear. If you interfere and try to get your child’s teacher to change their grade, your child will learn the wrong lesson. Your child will learn that if they screw up enough, Mom and Dad will take care of them. And they don’t learn their math or science or whatever it is they failed.

To be sure, failing is a hard lesson, but it’s the right lesson when your child fails. And it’s not the end of the world. In fact, for many kids, it’s what turns them around.

Don’t Fight with Your Child Over Homework

Don’t get sucked into arguments with your child about homework. Make it very clear that if they don’t do their homework, then the next part of their night does not begin. Keep discussions simple. Say to your child:

“Right now is homework time. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can have free time.”

Say this in a supportive way with a smile on your face. Again, it’s important not to get sucked into fights with your child. Remember, you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to. If your child refuses to do his or her work, then calmly give the consequence that you established for not doing homework.

Also, trying to convince your child that grades are important is a losing battle. You can’t make your child take school as seriously as you do. The truth is, they don’t typically think that way. To get your child to do homework, focus on their behavior, not their motivation. Rather than giving a lecture, just maintain the system that enables them to get their work done. Often, the motivation comes after the child has had a taste of success, and this system sets them up for that success.

Stay Calm When Helping Your Child With Their Homework

It’s important to be calm when helping your child with their homework. Don’t argue about the right answer for the math problem or the right way to do the geography quiz. If you get frustrated and start yelling and screaming at your child, this sets a negative tone and won’t help them get the work done. It’s better to walk away than it is to engage in an argument, even when you’re just trying to be helpful.

For couples, it may be that one of you is more patient and acceptable to your child. Let that person take on the homework monitoring responsibilities. And don’t take it personally if it isn’t you.

Remember, if you can’t stay calm when helping your child, or if you find that your help is making the situation worse, then it’s better not to help at all. Find someone else or talk to the teacher about how your child can get the help they need. And try not to blame your child for the frustration that you feel.

It’s Your Child’s Homework, Not Yours

Remember that your child is doing the homework as a school assignment. The teacher will ultimately be the judge of how good or bad, correct or incorrect the work is. You’re not responsible for the work itself; your job is to guide your child. You can always make suggestions, but ultimately it’s your child’s job to do their assignments. And it’s the teacher’s job to grade them.

Know the Teachers and the Assignments

Build good relationships with your child’s teachers. Meet with the teachers at the beginning of the school year and stay in touch as the year progresses. Your relationships with your child’s teachers will pay off if your child begins to have problems.

And if your child does have problems, then communicate with their teachers weekly. If they’re not handing in their work on time, ask the teachers to send you any assignments that they didn’t get done each week. Many schools have assignments available online, which is a big help for parents. Just don’t rely on your child to give you accurate information. Find out for yourself.

The bottom line is that you want to hold your child accountable for doing their work, and you can only do that if you know what the work is. If you keep yourself informed, then you won’t be surprised when report cards come out.

Work with your child on a system to keep track of assignments. I recommend an old-fashioned paper calendar simply because we already have too many distracting electronics in our lives—experiment and use what works best for your child.

Finally, try to see your child’s teachers as your allies. In my experience, most teachers are dedicated and caring, but I realize that this isn’t always the case. So, for your child’s sake, do your best to find a way to work with their teachers.

If You Think Your Child Might Have a Learning Disability

Kids are expected to do some difficult work, and your child may struggle. If your child is having an especially hard time, talk with their teacher. Ask if it’s typical for your child to be struggling in this area.

In some cases, the teacher may recommend testing to see if your child has a learning disability. While this can be hard to hear as a parent, it’s important to find out so that you can make the necessary adjustments.

If it turns out that your child does have a learning disability, then you want to get an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) set up with the school.

Most kids don’t enjoy homework, and for some, it will always be a struggle. Our children all have different strengths and abilities, and while some may never be excellent students, they might be great workers, talented artists, or thoughtful builders.

I have to admit that dealing with my son’s homework was one of my least favorite experiences as a parent. It was overwhelming at times. Often, I just wasn’t equipped to offer the help he needed.

Our son struggled with a learning disability, which made the work feel unending at times. My husband James was much better at helping him, so he took on this responsibility. But even with this division of labor, we had to make adjustments to our schedules, our lives, and our expectations to make sure our son did his homework as expected.

Life would be easier if all children were self-motivated students who came home, sat down, and dug into their homework without being asked. This is hardly the case, though. Therefore, you need to set up a system that is right for your child, and it’s going to be easier for some kids than for others.

We’re trying to raise our kids to be responsible and accountable for their homework. And we’re trying to avoid fighting with them over it every night. When I had parents in my office, I would take these concepts and show them how they could make it work for their families in their own homes. The families I worked with were able to turn the nightly homework struggle around successfully time and time again.

Related content: The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework

Empowering Parents Podcast: Apple, Spotify

About Janet Lehman, MSW

Janet Lehman, MSW, has worked with troubled children and teens for over 30 years. A veteran social worker, she specializes in child behavior issues — ranging from anger management and oppositional defiance to more serious criminal behavior in teens. She is co-creator of The Total Transformation® Program , The Complete Guide To Consequences™ , Getting Through To Your Child™ , and Two Parents One Plan™ .

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Hello, my grandson recently moved with me from another state. He is currently in 8th grade (but should be in 9th). He basically failed the last 2 years and was promoted. I would say he is at a 6th grade level. It's a daily fight with him to do his homework. He won't even try. I know a lot of this is because no one has ever made him do his homework before. I thought he would just have to get in a routine of doing it. He's been in school for a month now and its a fight every single day after school. I have lost all the patience I had. I am tired of being a broken record and being the "bad guy". I don't want to give up on him and send him back to his mom, where I know he will never graduate. I have made so many sacrifices to get him here, but I am literally at my wits end with this. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I didn't think it was going to be this hard.

My rule is homework after school. If he comes home and does his homework after school, it was easier for him to complete. That lasted a week and a half. Now, he just sits there and does nothing. Does anyone have any suggestions? I couldn't live with myself if I sent him back and he became nothing but a drop out. I know I am not one to have patience, and I am trying but at the same time, I am almost over it. I don't like going to bed crying and knowing that he is crying too. I am open to all suggestions. Please and thank you.

I'm so sorry you are facing these struggles with your grandson. We here from many caregivers in similar situations, so you're not alone in your frustration. We have several articles that offer helpful tips for managing these homework struggles, which can be found here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/child-behavior-problems/school-homework/

We appreciate you reaching out and wish you all the best moving forward. Be sure to check back and let us know how things are going.

Jessicar Thank you for this article and strategies. I echo many of the frustrations expressed by other parents here, including my opinion (as an educator) that homework should not exist. I agree that teachers and parents are in a struggle about which adult is responsible for supporting the child in getting More homework done. The best thing for my son was a free "homework club" in fourth and fifth grade where a teacher monitored completion of homework. He has nothing like this in middle school so far. Where I really disagree with the article is about extracurricular activities. Kids need physical activity through sports! They need enrichment beyond academics through the arts, theater, music. Many families send their children to religious, language, and/or cultural programs after school. If I sat in school all day, I'd want to move my body and interact with others too. The solution is not removing extracurricular activities that are healthy or motivating or valued. The solution is for schools to limit homework. Given that there is still homework as a reality--I'd like advice on when to have child do homework AFTER sports or extracurricular activity. When is the best time for homework if the goal is to go to bed on time (in my house in bed around 9 pm)? Between extracurricular and dinner--when the kid is tired? After dinner? My child is in 7th grade and I still can't figure it out. What do others do/think?

I found school to be extremely boring, as a teen. Looking back I realize that I hadn't found the work challenging enough. Personally, I struggled with this all through high school. I was completely disinterested in school, as a result.

I noticed that there wasn't a section addressing situations where children, who are motivated by challenges, do poorly as a result of boredom.

I enjoy reading many of the articles; even those which don't necessarily apply to my current situations with my child. One never knows what obstacles or challenges one may come across. Thank you

Here's what I know. Correcting our children when their behavior is displeasing is what most parents focus on. Without a lot of explanation I'm going to try to get you to change your focus. All children have 4 emotional needs:

1. A sense of belonging

2. A sense of personal power

3. To be heard and understood

4. Limits and boundaries

Rather than focus on your child's behavior, focus on meeting these needs. Meet the needs, change the behavior. There a 25 ways to meet these needs. One of the most effective is to spend regular one-on-one time with your child doing what your child wants to do. How do you spell love? T-I-M-E. It seems counter-intuitive, but just try it for a week. Do this for 1/2 hour every day for a week. See what happens.

Frustrated Confused Parent, I went through similar challenges with my son when he was in high school. As a grade school student his grades were always B and higher. The changes began when his mother and I separated; my son was 12yo. Prior to our separation I was the one who maintained, and enforced the habit of completing his assignments before extracurricular activities could be enjoyed. His mother never felt she had the patience or intelligence to assist him with his homework assignments and upon our separation she completely ignored his school work. Although he continued to follow the structure I had established through grade school, he soon began to realize that no one was showing interest any longer and, thus, began shirking school related responsibilities. My son and I were, and still are, close. I am certain that the separation likely had some affect on him, but it was more than that. He was reaching his teens and becoming more self-aware. Friends began to play a more integral and influential part in his life. Unfortunately my son's grades began slipping as he reached his early teens. For me, this was extremely frustrating since I was aware of how intelligent he was and of what he was capable. After many aggravating, lengthy, heated, and unyielding conversations with his mother about maintaining the structure established through grade school, it became clear she was incapable or simply unwilling. Essentially, he was on his own. Of course I would do whatever I could to help. For starters, I facilitated a transfer to a Charter School, realizing that he needed more individualized attention than that which a public school could provide. It seemed as though he was getting 'lost in the shuffle'.

Unfortunately the damage had already been done. After two years under his mother's lack of tutelage my son had developed some poor habits.

He struggled with maintaining good grades throughout his high school career. By 'maintaining good grades' I mean that he would take a grading of 45 in math and bring it to a 70 within three weeks of the end of a marking period. He ALWAYS passed, though. He would somehow get his grades to or even above passing by the end of the period. As I began to see this, I began to have more faith knowing that when the going got tough he would step up and take charge. It also indicated that he did well with what might perceive as an impossible goal. So, I started to have faith that he'd find his way.

He has since graduated, he has a good-paying job, and he is beginning school to become an electrician within the next month or so. In two weeks he moves into his own apartment, also. He's never done drugs, never drank alcohol, and never started smoking cigarettes. All of which I have done as a teen and well into my adult years. I am in recovery. My son is aware of my own struggles. Most importantly, I believe, is that he has a complete understanding that we all struggle in our own ways. Working through the difficulties, challenges, and obstacles are what makes us stronger and it's our compassion for others, and ourselves, which help us grow into decent adults.

I came to realize that the 'grades' he received in school had nothing to do with the amazing adult he's become; it was literally everything else.

NanaRound2 My 6 year old grandson has just taken 2 hours to write a list and write 3 sentences. He thinks if the words were shorter it wouldn't take so long. Already went through this with his dad. I celebrated more than he did when he graduated. Can't drag More another kid through school. Losing my mind and like the previous comment have tried EVERYTHING.

Yeah -been there, done that. Doesn't work. At least not for my child. I've read every *actual* parenting book out there ( You know, the books publishes by Harvard & Stanford professors who've been studying parenting and child psychology for the past 30 years?) ... and you're all missing something - because I've tried it all.

My kid DGAF. This was almost painful to read. "oh, yup - tried that one. That one too. Oh, hey - I've tried that as well."

This is so frustrating; tell me something I haven't already tried 50 times.

Psych Fan I'm with you my sophomore son DGAF . I tried so much stuff even set time stuff and he just doesn't go get his work out. He's 5'9 so I am 5'1 and I can't move him to do stuff . All he does is debate with me that More Grades really don't matter that he's like I'm just going to get D's because I'm not going to care to do better because I do not like school. He doesn't understand why I don't approve of D grades because I know he has better potential but he's like D grades I will pass and get my diploma .

The first thing on the list is to try and stay calm. While doing homework with my children I'm usually very calm. When I do get frustrated I'll leave the room for a moment, wash my face, and take a few deep breaths until I calm down. Or I'll make hot chocolate to help calm my nerves. It's not a perfect system, but what is?

Number two is to set clear expectations around homework time and responsibilities. We have a standard homework time at our house, with a timer and everything. If our kids meet the homework time goal they'll be rewarded later in the evening with family time. Each of our kids know their roles and responsibilities in the house whether the work gets done before dinner or not.

Number three is a relationship with the teachers, each of whom e-mail us, some two or three times a day. Contact with them has never been better. They're teachers are all pretty awesome too.

Number Four, play the parental role most useful to your child...I have three kids. One needs no help at all, one needs minor help and advisement, while the third requires constant supervision or their e-mail might 'accidentally' open up. This we've provided through double teaming. One parent works with them until the other gets home, then they switch while the other goes to make dinner.

Five, keep activities similar with all your kids. We all live on the same schedule, if one of them finishes homework early they get the reward of extra quiet reading time-my kids are ALL book worms.

Six, Set up a structured time and place for homework. Done. Homework table with a supplies basket right in the middle of the room. Big enough for all of them to work at and then some, it's an octagonal table which my husband built. I also always have their 'homework snacks' waiting for them when they get home, and I usually try to make it healthy-even if they don't realize it.

Seven, start early. My kids have been doing 'homework' with me since they were babies, and (as I pointed out to them yesterday) they loved it. We'd learn about cooking, dinosaurs, amphibians, insects, math, English, chemistry, even the periodic table came up. We'd do work pages every day and they'd love it.

Eight, hurdle help, works in area's like math, but not so much with history or English when the problems aren't as straight forward. But we do use this method where it applies.

Nine, choose the best person for the job. I'm best at English and my husband at math. When I get stuck on math I know who to go to, and I'll even study in my spare time to get better at it so I can be more useful in case he has to work late. That being said, we both devote a lot of our time to helping our kids with their homework.

Ten, show empathy and support. Done, not only can I relate to my kids, but I've pointed out that not getting their work done will make them feel bad bad enough, and that that's why we should work on getting it done together, so they have something to be proud of.

Use positive reinforcement and incentives. :) There was this one time I sat my son down at a table with a work book about 400 pages long. He was young, not even in school yet. Next to the book I placed a giant bag of M&Ms. I told him for every page he got done, he could have one m&m. About ten minutes later he finished the workbook and grinned up at me. When I found out he'd finished the book, I quickly checked it to see if it was done well, and then pushed the bag of M&M's towards him and told him he could just have it...Now they get rewarded in video games and computer time...

It seems that according to this article I'm doing everything right...So why is my child still struggling with homework/classwork? They've literally just refused to do it. Have seriously just sat in their chair without saying a word and stared at the table, or desk, or screen- as the majority of work is now done on computers...I'll sit with them, ask them if they need help, try to help them with problems. They will tell me the right answer to the questions being asked and then refuse to write it down. I feel like I've done everything I can as a parent to help them, but despite all my efforts, it isn't working. So...when all of these things fail, when a parent has done everything right, and there is nothing more they can do short of taking the pen or pencil into their own hands and doing it themselves, (but that would be cheating their child out of an education) what then should the parents do?

When our kids don't get their homework done before dinner, they're sent down the hall where it's quiet so they can finish it at the desk there, while the other kids have family time. They are told to come and get us if they really need help after that. But at this point it's like ostracizing our child for not doing homework.

I agree with most of what's on this page, and our family lifestyle reflects that, but I will disagree with one thing it said. It is our job to help our kids and be supportive of them yes, to nurture them and help them get the skills they need to take care of themselves and their home when they're older...but it is not our job to do the teachers work for them, they get paid for that. Some days it seems like that's what's expected of parents. Some even send home classwork if the kids don't finish it in class. Which means the child now has even more work to do on top of their homework. Though I understand that the teachers want the child to finish the lesson, and were the homework not a factor I probably wouldn't mind it as much. I don't even mind them sending home study guides to help kids before tests (Which is what homework was originally) but to send home overwhelming piles of work each night for parents to help kids with, (Each child with different homework so that parents need to bounce from history, to math to English) it's unreasonable. When teachers send home homework, they're dictating what the parents can do with the little time they have with their child. Which is wrong. We once had to cancel a trip to a science museum because our child had too much homework to finish and there was no way to make it in time and get their homework done. They could have had an amazing educational experience which would overall help them get excited about learning with new and fun tactile experiences, but their schedule (and therefore our schedule) was being dictated by the teacher while they weren't even in class. Of course I try not to talk bad about homework in front of my children, because that would make it even more difficult to get them to do it. But children NEED family time, they NEED to be kids. To be allowed to get away from their work and be themselves, to go outside and play with their friends, or even go out to dinner once in a while with their parents. Homework has made it difficult to grow a relationship with our children beyond the confines of what the teachers are dictating. It's violating in some ways and frustrating in others. It's grown into this monstrous thing which it was never meant to become, and the funny part about it is that most studies done on it show that schools who don't have homework have higher test scores and graduation rates. Not to mention better mental health rates. Studies also show, that after a child is taught something, they'll only really learn it after a good nights sleep, and that no amount of homework will change that. Sleep is what our bodies need to absorb important information we learn throughout the day, so staying up late with homework might even be harmful to a child's education...

Sorry I guess that turned into a bit of a rant...In the end I was hoping to find something useful in this article, something I hadn't tried that might work, but I've done it all, and will probably continue to do all of it in hopes that consistency might be the key...It's just that even after years of already doing All of this consistently, it's still not working. It's as if my child has made a conscious decision Not to work. He's not unintelligent, he understands it, he's even been tested and found to have an above average ability to learn. He just not doing it..So what now? What more can I do to actually inspire him to do the work?

AshumSmashum Out of all of this, most of which I've read and tried a billion times, your comment hit deeper. My son scores in the 99% on tests but cannot sit down and do the simplest homework. He does have autism and adhd so when he freezes up on homework, despite More knowing it, I'm lost at how to help him get it done. He knows the work so why does he need to show it with 20 math problems after school that take forever to complete one? (whatever honors algebra stuff he's in, I was lucky to learn division lol) He has a high IQ and excels in all subjects and yet is being tutored, so far, in English just to get the work done. I'm so done with the emotional toll it takes on me and him at home. Nobody wants to go to work for 8 hours and come home and do the same for another 5 so why do we think our kids want to come home and do more classwork? I'm so appreciative of your comment!

JC Hi Barb, thank you for bringing this up! My son sounds a lot like you...and he really wants to get good grades and go to an Ivy League school. What could someone do to help an 8th grader in the moment of struggle, while making sure they don't get more More anxious from falling behind for the rest of the year?

Tb Hi Barb, I'm the parent of an 8th grader and I want to thank you for the comment you left here. You helped me look at the deeper issues and I really appreciate that. I'm going to approach the conversation with my son differently, thanks to you. Thank More you!

My 11 year old daughter, Alice, has always helped her 7 year old sister, Chole, with homework. But just recently Alice has been giving Chole the wrong answers. We have been trying to get her to give Chole the correct answers

but she always yells at us. She has a baby sister 2 months named Ray and ever since Ray was born she has been giving Chole wrong answers. I once overheard her and Kevin, my husband, talking about how she felt left out. She came and talked to me and said exactly what she had told Kevin. She also told me she has been getting bad grades and doesn't get her homework. Me and Alice talked and she said "All the cool New York girls get straight A's and ever since I started getting D's and F's they said I wasn't cool anymore." We started having her grandparents come over and she would yell, hit, scream, and talk back to them. She is a great student but she spends all of her time on her phone. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even at school she is on her phone. All I'm asking is that 1. How do I make her stop screaming, yelling, hitting, and back talking? 2. How do I make her feel cool and get A's again?and 3. How do I get her off her phone?

sounds like you have a number of concerns around your daughter’s behavior, and

it certainly can feel overwhelming. We would suggest https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/its-never-too-late-7-ways-to-start-parenting-more-effectively/ and focusing on just one or two of the most serious, to get

started. Behaviors like verbal or physical abuse would be of top priority,

while behaviors like https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-walk-away-from-a-fight-with-your-child-why-its-harder-than-you-think/ we would recommend ignoring, and not giving it any power or control.

Empowering Parents author Sara Bean offers some great insight into the reason

for poor child behavior in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/.It sounds like your daughter is struggling to

find more effective ways to solve the problems she is facing, and the result is

the acting out behavior. Keep in mind, you can’t make your daughter do anything, but what you can do is help her to

learn better tools to solve whatever problems may come her way. Best of luck to

you and your family as you continue to work on this.

Emma Reed Alice also swears at school and she swears to teachers. Please we have tried everything, even her sister at age 18. What have we done wrong?

Being away from loved ones when they are struggling can be

distressing. It may help to know that it’s not unusual to see changes in

behavior as kids move from the tweens into adolescence, as Janet Lehman

explains in the article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/adolescent-behavior-changes-is-your-child-embarrassed-by-you/. Normally responsible

kids can start to push back against meeting expectations and disrespect towards

parents and other authority figures can become quite common. The behavior you

describe isn’t OK; it is normal though. I can hear how much you want to help

your daughter and granddaughter

work through these challenges. If your daughter is open to it, you could share

some Empowering Parents articles with her, such as the one above and this one, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-childs-behavior-is-so-bad-where-do-i-begin-how-to-coach-your-child-forward/.

We appreciate you writing in. Best of luck to you and your family moving

forward. Take care.

mphyvr Thanks for all these "strategies", they might work for some parents, but quite simplistic and just plain old common sense for more defiant kids... Thanks anyways and hope this article helps many.

Psych Fan I'm a mom of a sophomore he's also a swearing boy and will have quite a tantrum even with consequences of take away all he does is sleep. He doesn't like school says school is a waste of time and that grades won't matter in his adulthood . He says More it over n over about how schooling won't help him in the future as I go it will help you do good on a ACT and SAT he is like getting good scores on those are only good if your going to college. He also is like jobs won't look at my grades . I tell him homework teaches him responsibility once a job sees your amount of effort in school your going to have a heck of time getting hired. I even ask him how is he going to succeed to work real well at a job when he doesn't work hard at school he goes I don't need to work hard at school but I will need to work hard at a job.

dcastillo68 If it was only this simple, but, in reality it is not.  Middle school syndrome is the worst.  Kids don't want to be labeled as nerds so they do everything to try to fail.  I went through that with my first born, and now again with my youngest.  It is More very frustrating when I was the total opposite when I was growing up.  I cared about my grades an I took it for granted thinking they will feel the same way.  Now seeing how they are happy with just getting by is really frustrating to me because I am such an over achiever.  They didn't even get an ounce of this.  Very very frustrating.  And I wish I have never invited video games to this household.  That is all they want to do.  I keep using this an incentive to bring them back on track, but as soon as I give them their games back, they are back to their old habits.  Sorry, but I can't wait until they are finished with school and hopefully moving out of state to hopefully a college career.  I may change my mind later, but at the moment, this is just how I feel.  It is very hard too when you don't get any help.  I find today's teacher to be lazy and pushing on more responsibility to the parents.  Who has time to do a full day's of work, only to do additional work at home?  okay, enough venting.

@frustrated single dad Diane Lewis Hi there - I have a son adopted out of foster care.  He is 6 1/2 and has been in 5 homes.  He is totally the same!  They learn this behavior and are incredibly manipulative.  They are so insanely smart.  I worry about exactly the same thing.  They turn on and off the behavior depending on who they are with and what they want.

We did Parent Child Interactive Therapy (PCIT) at the Mailman Center (Jackson Hospital Miami).  It made a huge difference in the short-term.  They basically taught us to be full-time behavioral therapists with my son.  The effects wore off after a few months as my son adapted and found ways to circumvent the consequences techniques taught to us.  He is like the Borg!  I am going back to get more ideas on how to adapt and change and stay one step ahead of my son.  The gals there are really smart!

So, that being said - we have to be Jean Luc Picard and constantly change and adapt and outsmart them - just like changing the phasers on a laser gun!  It is bloody hard work.  And, harder the older they get -

eg.  He drops like a dead weight - throws his book bag and will not get in the car to go to school - response - next morning I headed it off by calling out to the kids "LAST ONE IN THE CAR IS A ROTTEN EGG!"  This has worked for 2 days now.  

Wont do homework 2 nights ago - response - "ooh I like doing word puzzles - Im going to do them and win" - this worked one night but not the next - he just then just left me to do his work - so I have told his teacher that there will be no school party for Alex next week unless he gets his homework finished - we will see if this works.....

It is totally exhausting and you have to be on your A game all the time.  Im telling you this but - I have to tell myself this too.  We have to stay really fit (like cross fit) and work out like a marine.  We have to be very disciplined with ourselves - a healthy body is a healthy mind - we cannot let up at all.  We have to stay calm at all times (again self discipline).  

Im always looking for concrete reactions to situations with my son.  Like I said - the entire day goes on like this with everything except what he wants to do.  Wont get dressed in the morning - put out his clothes in dining room where there are no distractions or toys - tell him that if he gets dressed and ready for school quickly - he can spend the left over time on the trampoline.  That worked this morning.

STAY STRONG MY BROTHER IN ARMS!!!  If you can get into a PCIT program - do it.

Love to you - R

My child comes home and says he doesn't have homework, does something easy to make it look like he's doing his homework, or says he did it during free time in class.  How do you combat this without going to the school everyday?  Neither my husband nor I can do More this because of work, and the we asked the teacher's if it was possible to send us the assignments via email or let us come pick them up once a week with no cooperation.  He is a very smart kid and gets "A's' on the work he does, but he is failing all of his core classes because he won't do homework.

@atmywitsend  , my child is the same way.  I'm at my wits end.  I feel like I'm a failure as a parent because I thought I taught my smart kid to succeed - and instead she's lying to me.

Psych Fan NinaMays I'm with the same feelings as my son can be above a C student but he choose to go oh I rather just get F's on this work than to actually get at least a B or A on these many assignments.. I ask him why he chooses F's More in many assignments when he could get a grade to bring his grades up and me telling me he's not being his full potential as by making him not do his work how can I truly believe he's going to be successful and he's like I have big brains . Then I'm like why not show me by doing your school work he goes I don't need do that and I show you of my big brains by telling you school isn't important. Telling me I am brainwashed. He is a sophomore in high school.

FRUSTRATED PARENT NinaMays This is my reality too - "relationship" with teachers is difficult when they won't co-operate with homework expectations, or follow up email - the schools complain that kids are on the internet - yet its them providing wifi passwords - so kids are playing in class - lying about More homework - and since I'm not in the class, I have no idea until report cards surface.

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

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Why We Say "NO" to Homework

I care about my kids' learning. That's why I say tree forts win over homework.

It's back-to-school time.  Time to write THAT letter again.  The letter to my child's new teacher that explains why our family bans homework .

That's right.  I care  about my children's learning.  That's why I believe tree forts win over homework.   Quite simply, I believe homework has no place in a young child's life.

The trouble is, the American education system doesn't agree with me.  Homework starts in preschool in many cases, and it only goes up from there.  They even establish quotas: Ten minutes per grade. My son's in third grade now, which means thirty minutes a day.  What a surefire way to get kids to hate school.  Elementary-aged kids don't need homework.  For seven hours they've had to focus on the academic sides of their brains with grown-ups telling them what to do.  When school's out, it should be OUT.  Kids need time to get other needs met.

What do kids need?  Time outside.  Time with family.  Time goofing around and picking their nose. Time pursuing their own interests.  Time doing family chores.  And an early bed.  There you have it: Play, family time and sleep.   My kids get 10-11 hours of sleep each night.  Instead of homework, kids would do much better in school if they got their full quota of sleep and were in bed by 7:30 or 8pm.

Logs in the park...

Here's what my children spent their time doing after school yesterday:

• Building tree forts
• Dancing on logs
• Negotiating game rules with other kids
• Prying with levers
• Hunting for toads

Prying with levers...

I don't know yet how our third grade teacher will respond.  What the principal will say.  So far we've been lucky and our unusual stance has been met with puzzled acceptance.  We don't mean to be trouble-maker parents.  We just mean to stand up for our children's learning by giving them space and time to roam.

Here's a copy of the "anti-homework" letter if you'd like to read more:

"Dear      ,

Can we talk?  We’d like to support you in the classroom, and at this early stage I don’t know your views on homework, but…

I don’t believe in homework for children ages 11 or under.  Homework becomes important in high school, with a year or two of “practice” homework in middle school.  I know that’s not how most of American education works right now.

As a parent, perhaps you understand.  There is such a short amount of time in every day.  School learning takes up most of the day, and when school is out kids need space and time for other things.

My son gets home around 4pm. He gets into pajamas around 8pm. In those short four hours, he -

• Has an after-school snack, talks and unwinds from his day
• Plays/ pursues his own interests
• Goes outside and climbs in tree forts
• Giggles with his brother
• Does family chores
• Practices piano
• Has a family supper
• Reads his own book and listens to a bedtime story

These are all more important uses of his time, or any young child’s time.  My view is homework interrupts home learning. Homework tends to give school /learning a bad name and when given too young, kids learn to resent it instead of value it.  Kids don’t need to “practice” the routine of homework.  That can come much later, in middle school.

The only type of “homework” I value at this age is reading at home.  In our family we already do this every day. 

When homework does become important, I view it as the child’s responsibility.  We will take an interest in what our kids learn in school, but not tell them to do it.  No parent signatures signing off on assignments, etc.  I also don’t believe in the practice of adding 10 minutes a day per grade, or any arbitrary amount of time.  Learning doesn’t work by filling a quota of minutes.

I realize this is not the prevailing view in education right now, and perhaps flies in the face of the school's policies or your own ideas.  Can we talk?  I’d like to find something that’s comfortable for everyone and make sure your goals are supported as well as ours." 

Well?  What to you think?  Would you do the same?  It takes courage to buck the system, but childhood is worth it.

We say "no" to homework and "yes" to dancing on logs.

Starlighting Mama is the blog of author Heather Shumaker, the "renegade" parent behind It's OK Not to Share and It's OK to Go Up the Slide p ublished by Tarcher/Penguin. Curious about what happened? Read the post Homework Letter Update or other homework posts .

307 responses to “Why We Say "NO" to Homework”

"When school’s out, it should be OUT. Kids need time to get other needs met."

I am in complete, total, and absolute agreement with you! This is a FANTASTIC post that I'm going to share with the social media on Twitter, Google+, StumbleUpon, and Reddit.

Further, if I were you, I'd send that same letter to the editor of my local paper and ask them to print it, along with the name of your new book.

Glad you agree and THANKS for sharing! It's hard taking a lonely position.

Heather, I agree completely with what you say in your article. I have to say though, that what worries me even more are the situations in which parents load their children up with so many extra curricular activities, that all the time that would normally be free time is so structured and goal oriented that in the end the child is not able to play in an unstructured environment and ultimately has no free time anyways.

And then they have absolutely no idea HOW to spend their "free time".

which is a shame..I agree 100% with you.

This approach is great except and I totally agree in allowing children to stretch this part of their development....However,what about the parents who don't use this philosophy at home and do not do any kind of stimulating "natural learning?" The child is planted front of the tv or video game and the parents have no real one on one interaction on a personal level. There are also parents focused on bringing home enough income to provide the basics to feed and clothe their children. They have to do this by working two jobs and are exhausted when they get home. Then there are the parents who just don't care about spending time motivating and challenging their children during their time at home. There is no structure, rules or accountability.The homework would not get done regardless, but the child is not given opportunities to expand his/her depths of those important "non academic" that are essential to children's total development. All of this is good in theory, however it does not always happen in real life. Regardless if the teacher gives homework or not.

Kris: I think part of the point of this article is that kids should have a decent amount of time to decide for themselves what activities to pursue. Things on the list above like "goes outside and climb in tree forts" don't really require any adult enrichment. I'm a firm believer that kids get the most out of their time when adults just leave them alone. Obviously, you have a point that if the adults have trained the kids to plant in front of a screen when they get home, it won't work, so I'm all for sending them outside.

I agree with you 100 percent. If kids have all this homework, what are they learning in school. We do our work in 6-8 hour a day, why can't teachers.

I agree somewhat with this article, however, YOU have no idea how much time teachers put in! I am a teacher and parent of 3 who hates homework. Your comment offends me.

For a similar viewpoint look up Alfie Kohn.

Hi Heather, I found your article after sitting here in frustration and getting ready to search the internet for Arizona laws regarding homework.

My son is in 2nd grade at a fantastic Charter school in Scottsdale. Believe me when I say that it's fantastic because it is, and so is my son's teacher. It's one of the very slim few good schools in Arizona. Only 20 students "max" per class vs. the public schools "30 +" per class, which is an added bonus:)

I have never been a big believer in "homework." Yes, reading, but not extra work that was already done during the 7 hour long school day. So, I was quite shocked last night when I opened my son's back pack! Spanish homework, spelling words to write over and over again, common core math (which I despise the common core method), writing a story using the weekly vocabulary words, reading for 20 minutes or more, and now a new internet homework site. We logged on and my tired son could not figure out the math and started throwing a fit, crying, and kicking the computer table. My heart just broke. No child should have to be this tired, first of all. And second, have to do 2 hours or more worth of homework in 2nd grade.

I talked to him for a while and calmed him down - asked him to go play a song for me on the new drum set I bought for him last week. I did his homework last night and I don't feel guilty. And, I will continue to do his homework for his so long as I know that he knows how to do it. This "homework" is ridiculous. I want my son to play with his dog, his cat, his drums, his mom - sit down and eat dinner, laugh, talk to me, jump on his trampoline - whatever he wants to do. Not homework.

Thank you for sharing your letter:) I am going to put it to use in my household...

I am also in Arizona. We have great homeschool laws. Really consider it. I homeschool my 1st and 3rd grade sons and it isn't as hard as you would think. All of our school work takes less time than what your son's described homework above takes. Both of my boys rock standardized tests and they are both performing at or above grade level in every subject. There are TONS of homeschool support groups for socializing opportunities and co-op learning opportunities. I'm in the West Valley and after moving here from Seattle and seeing how horrible the schools are here generally speaking, we opted to homeschool and would never go back now.

IM a student at imagine coolige in arizona and i love this lady. i have alot of homework that i do on the bus... not at home.

Hi! As a retired teacher and parent to 3 beautiful daughters, I must disagree. For example many of my students were only going to learn addition, subtraction facts etc. by extra practice at home. I taught grades 1 and 2 and every Monday I sent home the homework for the week so the parents could decide when and how to do it. This also kept the parents in the loop - they knew what was being covered in school. I did not send a staggering amount of work home - on average 20 minutes per day - why does it have to be all or nothing?

7 hours is enough. Why 20 more minutes? I can teach them effectively in 2 hours a day, why can't you manage it in 7 hours? I know that you have MORE kids, but you also have more time. That is a huge reason we homeschooled. 2 hours, sometimes 3, and we were DONE, and then we learned life, play, family, community. Well rounded, educated kids with little effort. (and I know it is successful, my oldest is an air traffic controller)

Wow Qtpies. Way to be a bit judgmental there. If you are not a classroom teacher, you have no idea how hard it is to teach everything that needs to be taught in 6 hours. It is entirely different with your own children. I've done both. And guess what? My oldest is in college on a full mathematics scholarship. And he went to (gasp) public school! So I know it is successful.... Now see how silly that sounds? The great thing about education today is that there are options for everyone! Both ways work if parents are involved. And for what it is worth, I actually agree with the blogger. Most homework in elementary is just busywork.

Wow. Why can't classroom teachers manage to teach them "effectively" in 2 hrs? Well - they have 30 kids and only one of them. That's why class size is such a huge issue in education. Of course it is easier to teach one or two children the same amount of material in 2 hours. I think most teachers would love to have a 1:2 teacher-student ratio, but that's not really feasible. When you have a 1:30 ratio, and in those 30 kids you have so many different capability levels, of course it's going to take more time to effectively reach every student.

I'm not terribly certain Qtpies7 is trying to be judgemental, I think she just believes very strongly in her personal decision to home school.

Anecdotally, I'm interested in schooling my son at home. The public education system was a complete nightmare for me. I had undiagnosed ADD. Because I wasn't hyper active, my teachers had no idea that I could be staring a hole through them and every word they were saying would be going right over my head. I was well behaved, "aced" tests without studying, but I was also disciplined repeatedly and publicly shamed in front of my classmates for being messy and not doing my homework in particular. I'm a daydream prone, right brained thinker. The public education system in our country is very supportive of and practically tailored to left brained thinkers. And, if you do a little digging, you'll find that our present school system was set up to assist in churning out perfect little factory workers that would excel in the industrial environment after graduating school. There are several wonderful TED videos available on youtube that help perfectly illustrate and confirm that this can be verified historically.

Qtpies7 doesn't condemn you for choosing to send your children to public school or hate teachers, I'm guessing. She just very firmly believes in her decision to homeschool. Homeschooling isn't possible for every family and every situation, but when it is possible, it can provide a holistic environment that supports learning as well as supporting a healthy childhood. And it CAN be done in just a few hours a day. Please don't take offense! 🙂

Basically kids will be having one of many state testing situations going on that will take 2hrs in itself.Along with continual testing for timed reading or math test on a weekly basis .Kids are out of the class so much, band assemblies, social work, speech, OT, PT,pictures, buddy reading gym,music,art other pullouts for this and that. I always say, a parent should sit in a classroom everyday for a week. Their jaw would drop when they see, so many classes have a "revolving door" And then they have these tests showing how kids have been improving, can they accurately test due to so much time taking away from actual teaching.Some do show improvement, others lack so much cause they are hardly ever in their class. I have students tell me they are not not able to do this or that because they are not in the classroom very much. I am an assistant in a classroom every day, the entire day.

First, it is very ignorant to think that teachers have "ALL THAT TIME" to teach them. There is no way you can teach 30 kids science, reading, English, social studies, Spanish, physical education, music, art, along with lunch and recess within 2 hours. Second, i agree that there is too much homework in elementary that is not truly meaningful practice. But homework is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY even at such a young age for several reasons. One is that repetition and revisiting the information is imperative to retention (there is soooo much research on this). Second they actually get more one on one attention and instruction when parents help them work through their homework. And third, they get to see their parents put value on education (home and school must be linked). NOW, what I think should happen is that homework should be focused on reading, writing and math only, and that is should be limited to 10 questions each twice a week. It should not be every night, and it should not be every subject, and it should never be just busy work, but practice with key concepts. Those are my two cents as a teacher myself.

I completely disagree that homework is absolutely necessary in the elementary years. My stepdaughter (who we had custody of) attended public school and the "10 min per grade level" rule what a joke. Perhaps that's what the teacher's thought they were assigning but it NEVER EVER took that little time. By high school my stepdaughter would arrive at school at 6am for dance team practice, get home at 4:30pm. Start homework by 4:45pm, take a dinner break for 30 min around 7pm and then continue with homework until between 11 and Midnight EVERY NIGHT. 6 months of the year the dance team took EVERY Sat. from 7am-8pm. The school system held our family hostage. She could have had a fulltime job and put in less time. It was ridiculous. She is now 25 and finds working full time easier and less exhausting than school was. That combined with our move to Arizona (where the schools are TERRIBLE) solidified our decision to homeschool our now 6 & 8 year old sons.

I don't think you read my comment carefully or you misunderstood it. I agree that the 10 min rule per grade is rediculous. What I'm saying is that in elementary there should only be a few short assignments a week. But it is so important that parent are involved in their children's schoolwork, and that the kids get a chance to practice skills outside of school. But it should not be every night. I think it's great that you homeschool, but not everyone can do that and you shouldn't judge the teachers if you haven't experienced being one. It's completely different from homeschool. Complicated and overwhelming don't even begin to describe it. There are soooooo many reasons why homework is beneficial, but the real problem here is when teachers give TOO MUCH homework, or assign things that are not important. You also need to think about the districts policy on homework. Many districts have strict rules for teachers and require them to assign a certain amount of HW. So it is not even the teachers that are always at fault. Teachers don't have the freedom and flexibility that they used to. Just think about both sides before you judge and try to compromise and understand that not all families and children are not like yours.

April, I too am a teacher, 4th grade, and I so disagree with you. I think the point that many teachers and parents miss here is that the parent is supposed to be in control of the house, not the teacher, school, or government. If the parent does not want or believe in homework then the family should feel safe in sharing that with the teacher, and not live in fear of being judged by the teacher. Teaching our youth is a team effort. Try it on for size sometime, instead of your own beliefs on the matter ask your parents. I did and found overwhelming response in agreement with Heather, they just don't feel like they can tell you that. So instead like the one comment, they do the homework for the child in secret so as not to have to deal with you. Listen to your parents. The kids you teach belong to them. We (teachers) work for them. I also tell my 4th graders and their parents that I believe in science and until science shows me that homework leads to better grades, test scores, and or learning, I will continue not to assign homework. My students are expected to read every day, and practice spelling for no more than 5-10 min., never math. My parents thank me constantly for giving them peaceful tear free evenings, where they can be free to work on family skills, chores, relaxation, and just to be free of one more very stressful thing in their super busy lives. If they want more I am able to suggest tons of free learning sites, math programs, etc. That is up to them, the parent, again these are their kids. Do the research. Not one study has shown that homework does any good in grade school and to the contrary has shown ill effects. I mean no disrespect for the teachers who believe homework is the only way, I just ask us to take another look at it, and be partners with the parents. They are after all the child's first and most important teachers.

But homework drove my grades to the ground, screwed me out of a chance to go to a good college FOR THEATRE--a subject not even taught at my schools. I wanted to major in singing and dancing, but my inability to multiply exponents took that away. Thanks to homework, me and half of my friends have anxiety so bad they had to shove drugs in us. I was screwed out of a career because I couldn't do well on subjects I will never use and pages of mindless drivel that took me away from my family and planted me with mental disorders that made my peers use me as a punching bag

@Qtpies7....you may of course have your opinion and I'm very glad that you had the opportunity to pursue the education for your children that you valued, that you were able to instruct them at home, and that they are "successful," which I imagine amounts to more than just the fact that they are gainfully employed.

However, do not assume for a second that you understand a teacher's school day, particularly within the confines of a public system. Also, please do not advertize homeschool as the only viable option, as you might want to check your privilege on this one: not every parent can afford to not work outside the home. You are in the minority, and quite privileged, to have this option available to you.

7 hours is a long time to be in school, but the teacher does not spend 7 hours teaching. Here is what that teacher does that you did not have to as a homeschool teacher: prepare, decorate, and organize a classroom to keep students interested and give them a comfortable working environment; design curriculum, units and daily lessons (assuming you used some sort of send away program to gain an objective view of your child's learning); differentiation for 20 to 30 students, some of whom have diagnosed learning differences, some of whom may just have it rough at home in various ways; various classroom management tactics; schedule in time for specialists (Music, Art, PE, etc.); make sure 20 to 30 students make it down to lunch and then out to recess; make sure those same students all make it back; lunch duty simultaneously; pastoral lessons (treating each other kindly, sharing, etc.); get all 20 to 30 children out the door safely at the end of the day.

That's not even taking into account the prior to school and after school meetings with administrators; emails and phone calls with parents; extra help after school with those who need it; the marking of the work for those 20 - 30 students; the conflicting state and federal standards one has to meet and fill out paperwork for; and of course, the joy of standardized testing.

I am a middle and upper school teacher at a private school. I have a great job and understanding administrators. I don't have to meet state or federal standards because I'm at a private school. Still, I get to work at 7:30 AM, leave on most days at around 6:00 PM and usually have an hour and a half of work to do when I arrive home (except for weekends, when it's more like 4 or 5 hours of work). I don't really believe in homework, even for my middle schoolers, unless it truly supports what we've done in the classroom that day. But Please, PLEASE, don't blame the teacher for not being able to teach everything you could teach in 2 hours to just your own children sitting in your home. Have a little perspective.

Very well stated.

I agree with you. I think there is a place for homework, it's not that painful. Third grade home work has parents talk about behaviors and learning how to interact with other kids, once a week. Otherwise it's flashcards and a little reading time. The rest of the night they are outside playing. Yes, I make sure the kids also get 10-11 hours of sleep each night. Not every kid gets math and reading and needs help with one on one practice at home. They are all not cookie cutter personalities. I think you also lose connection if you aren't reviewing what is being taught in the classroom and how it is being taught. I think it's great if you are happy with your choice, but making it a movement of standard practice isn't beneficial to all the kids. It just gives them an extra 20 minutes of play time each night. Not a huge sacrifice. Your child may benefit from this freedom, but they may not. You just don't know that answer until they grow up and let you know.

This is the method my school uses for my kindergartner and first grader. But here's my issue. I work full time. So my kids are dropped at daycare at 7 am and picked up at 5. That entire 10 hours, except for 20 minutes for lunch and then 2 20 minute sessions of recess (school and aftercare) is spent with them being told "sit down, be quiet and do as we say". I then have to bring them home, Rush them through dinner, force them to do more schoolwork (and the "20 minutes" turns into 1.5 hours with my ADHD child) then bath and bed at 8. It's just too much. Kids need time to be kids! It also makes me the enemy in my own home. I'm the mean mommy that makes them do homework!! Then the homework is silly! The little one gets books sent home with a calendar that I'm supposed to mark with all these random "ways to read". Maybe some kids need tricks, but she just plain old READS and I was told that wasn't enough...even though she is reading the same books her big sister brings home after we have had the same reader for 2 weeks! Could I quit my job? No, not really. I cover the medical insurance for our family and what it would cost if I wasn't providing it, would cut my husband's income in half, which would not be enough to live on.

Hello!! I have a child that is in grade six. It is now Nov. And my childs class is on there third teacher.The other two teachers left for personal reasons. Yes that sucks!!! Confusing! My question to anyone is ,is it mandatory to have homework?? Or no homework. Because I was told that my childs teacher will not be giving out no homework at all. This teacher said that it is not needed at all to her students. Does not believe in giving out homework.That really bothered me as a parent. Not to mentioned it was brought up in front of my child. I believe it completely discourages my child to study and do homework in the future when she hits high school. I believe homework prepares them from what is to come in higher grades. Iam from Vancouver Canada. Help!!

Tracy, I'm not sure if you received a response. The short answer is check your school district's homework policy. It should be documented on the school website either in the student handbook or the code of conduct. I found that our district had a really unclear policy and the school administrator's are leveraging that to accommodate the ridiculous mandates coming out of Common Core. I have been leading an ardous battle & not getting very far on the issue to eliminate the backbreaking homework load. My 6th grader averages 20hrs/wk on homework. The extra homework despite what some believe actually doesn't increase performance, and there's so much research that proves it. In fact, research shows an adverse effect. Of course, not all families and children are the same, and as a parent you have the right and choice to support and enrich their learning at home if you feel that not getting homework doesn't round them out. Our approach is very different. Our kids do a great deal of extra learning, including art classes, piano, reading, and learning-based programs after school. All things you can't get with the repititious nature of homework. Hope that answers your question. 🙂

I share the teacher's position about no homework at this age, but I can hear you're frustrated and want your family to be supported by the teacher. Try setting up a time to talk to your child's teacher about your concerns. Most teachers would be glad to point you to additional resources you can try at home. Perhaps you'd like the teacher to explain that homework and studying become important in high school so you don't feel undermined. Different families and schools take different approaches to preparing kids for high school when they are in grades 6-8. Some like "practice" homework, some don't. Grade 6 is still young and your child has learning to do in other directions. Best wishes.

The schools 20 to 30 mins of homework was 7+ hours for my daughter. Just because you can do it in 20 mins doesn't mean everyone can. She is Dyslexic, has Dysgraphia and the bones in her hands are older than her chronological age. We are still investigating the hand issues. And instead of SpEd helping us, I was told I wasn't doing enough or she was just lazy.

Home Schooling Is Good Since It Seems To Produce Brighter Kids Their Is Only One Thing That Must Be Ruled Out With Application For Home Schooling Is To Be Sure The Children Are Not Victims Of Incest Rape Or Incest Molestation The Children Of Incest Are Oftentimes Homeschooled To Keep Them Out of School. Watch. That Must Be Checked First Before It Is Approved And If Found Then Child Removed. Other Then That I Support Parents HomeSchooling Our Public Schools Are Not The Best.

This concept is so logical. You are right on target. My personal experience includes a great dread of "homework", even in high school. College classes were enjoyable...homework got done. Many children lack the family interaction and proper rest which are so necessary for successful learning . Send that letter ASAP! Nice job.

Thanks, Bonnie! It can be so hard to value rest and family time. Successful learning is a complex mix of life.

Brava, Heather! What a refreshing philosophy in this day and age. Good for you for challenging the collective wisdom of public education.

I received my copy of your book the other day and am looking forward to reading it, once I get my current book finished. Best of luck with the book and its promotion.

Refreshing to hear - scary to do! Glad you got a copy of "It's OK Not to Share...And Other Renegade Rules." I guess I am turning into a renegade.

I taught middle and elementary school for thirty-two years. Heather is exactly right!!!!!!!!!!! In the elementary school this was my philosophy and I had to endlessly defend it. I did not have trouble with parents or children but with many of my fellow teachers and administrators. I had high expectations for my students and expected them to work hard for the six hours I taught them. Play is a child's work, as it is said. Family time is precious. Lessons in the fine arts, religion, sports are not provided to any great extent by schools. Many educators feel assigning a lot of homework makes them look like they are doing their job and or are good teachers. Most homework is just checked in and sometimes not even that. There were times my students individually chose to do work at home for fun and bring it in. I got poems, pictures of stories we had read, math problems etc ... all student produced. I would always check it and high five them. I read the book, No Homework...it makes sense. I was so happy to read this blog. Thank you.

I'm curious, what did you do with the students who did no work in the classroom? I have been teaching for 5 years now, 5th and 6th grade. I have high expectations for my students, but there are those who, no matter what is done, do not do their work at school in the classroom, even with a variety of assignments to meet each learning style. No matter how many emails or phone calls home, no matter how many trips to the office, the students still don't care. There seems to be a huge lack of parental support. I do my best to give the students time in class to do their work, and whatever is not finished in class becomes homework (yet some still don't do it). How can I avoid assigning homework if work is not being done in the classroom? (and yes, I do try to make the assignments meaningful while aligning to the state standards).

To AG, You can lead a horse to water...

Heather sounds like she is supporting whatever the teachers are doing in class. She's reading to/with her kids, she supports curiosity and discovery, and creative thinking.

I don't know what kind of neighborhood in which you are teaching, but if the kids are not doing the work in class, the parents are not supportive, and they don't care about punishments (trips to the office, etc), then homework isn't the fix either.

That's a bigger problem that can't be fixed with homework.

My son is in kindergarten and he has 5-15 min of homework each night, after a 7 1/2 hour day. Homework now, does not guarantee admittance to Harvard, or an amazing career, or a financially successful one. It doesn't guarantee future "happiness", which is what this is really all about.

You can't dictate TRUE learning. If the parents of the children in your classroom aren't interested in supporting their learning, that is a shame, but ultimately, it's up to individuals to make the right choices for themselves.

Personal responsibility is what it comes down to. Not what makes the schools or politicians look good.

When my son comes home with homework that is really homework for ME (because it requires so much help), I resent it. I am a parent who reads to my children. I am a parent who has always valued outdoor play, nature walks, museums, arboretums, botanical gardens, aquariums, walking the dogs (as a family responsibility and pleasure), teaching in the home, cooking/baking together, and learning in any number of ways. So to be told I need to read to my children each week in the homework letter, really irks me.

And if the reason is simply that a parent is uninvolved because s/he is working two jobs to make ends meet, homework is only adding to their work load and stress levels.

More homework is just not the answer.

Thank you to Heather for a great letter. After wrestling with this issue for a few months, I have decided I am going to compose my own letter on my son's behalf.

Best of luck with your own letter. We are the best advocates for our children, and true educators will be your allies.

It is not your fault, problems at home most likly incest or other horror at home. Should check home. If nothing is wrong with home then the child most likely has a disability or is just bad.

Karen, You are the teacher we all wanted 🙂

Karen, great to hear from you! Good for you in taking your no-homework stance, and too bad you were constantly on the defense. Sounds as if your students learned tons and had down time to explore their own interests - like poetry! There are several good books presenting in-depth research against homework: The Case Against Homework The Homework Myth The End of Homework: how homework disrupts families, overburdens children, and limits learning

Just wanted to let you know that I love this! My son is in the third grade and this is the first year he has a teacher that doesn't believe in homework other than reading and studying spelling and as a result he is playing outside more. Its only been about a month that they have been back to school but I can already tell a difference in his overall attitude, until I read your article I hadn't made the correlation that homework and his attitude change were linked! I say yea for no homework!

Wonderful! So glad you have a child who's playing outside more instead of doing homework. Yes, individual teachers can make all the difference. Enjoy his third grade year together!

We chose the school that our children go to partly because it doesn't assign homework. Kids are expected to do the work at school, then enjoy what they want to when school is out. The philisosphy of the school is to teach the "whole child." Too many people forget that that there is more to life than academics. And there are learning opportunities in every aspect of life. We do read every day, just as you do. But it's not viewed as "Homework."

"Too many people forget that there is more to life than academics." Yes!

So glad you had a choice of schools and could find one with no homework!

Can you give us the name of your school? It sounds wonderful!

This is wonderful. Thanks for sharing.

Kudos!!! I am going to email my daughters teacher telling her that 1.5 - 2 hours of homework a night is taking away from our precious time as a family and that I will allow my daughter to spend 30 minutes on homework and that's it! If her grades start to decline, which I doubt highly would happen, then I will allow another 15-30 minutes.

Hello Heather,

Thank you for sharing this. I'm curious, when you say that it has been met with puzzled acceptance before does that mean they excused your sons from homework? Did that effect their grades? Did you notice any difference in their schoolwork?

hmmm....sounds like you are a home school mom! We home school and are usually done with our assignments by soon after lunch. I can not even imagine making my kids sit through an evening of homework after school, farm work and part time jobs. They would have to give up sleeping to get it all done. Glad you are willing to go against the popular views to do what is best for your kids. You are a rare breed and I applaud you.

Thinking the same thing Becki. This sounds like a family who would LOVE learning together! Please consider it, and give it a try. Bet your whole family will love it but if not, you can always go back to government school.

Ok, hate to be the only one ( no, I really don't), but I have to disagree. I did all those things as a child and did homework too. So did my kids, and we're all well rounded, college educated, happy, and capable of getting a lot done. I didn't always like it, but then, we have to learn to do things we don't always like in life at all ages. Also, I'm a teacher, I don't believe in a lot of homework, and I don't believe in some arbitrary time plan, but it takes more time than we have in a school day to master the curriculum expected of children today. Whether you agree or not, it is what it is.

I agree with you. I see homework as an opportunity for children to learn self-discipline.

I've witnessed my child and his many homeschooled friends learning self discipline through other activities. I think it just takes us opening our eyes and seeing that there are other ways. Not trying to be argumentative; just trying to say that homework is not necessarily the only way to do that.

Don't you think sitting in a classroom for six hours is enough to teach a child under 11 years old a lesson in self discipline?

You don't learn SELF discipline from other people making you do things.

I think you said it well, "I did all those things as a child and did homework too." You don't say your age, but by average, you (and your kids) did a lot less homework per night than children are expected to do now. That's time that you used for climbing a tree. Also, when I was growing up, my public elementary school offered in the class day, gym, music, and art. My local school offers 45 minutes of art once every two weeks(certainly not music and gym). A child must do after school (tree climbing time) classes in order to have the school experience that I had during the school day. The amazingly, shockingly low test scores country wide speak to how successful piling the expectation of learning more and more, and taking more and more time to do it, is actually working.

Hi Jennifer

I would recommend you read The Myth of the Spoiled Child to grasp a different idea of the perceived need for learning self discipline at an early age. Putting a child through the hell of unnecessary homework is not the answer. Why go through suffering to learn how to cope with potential suffering later.

I am from the UK and did A Levels and refused to do ANY homework that wasn't towards the grade (which almost none of it was due to the emphasis on exams) and I am now a teacher with an honours degree and post-graduate certificate of education. I had to study very hard to get both of those and homework was all it was (since I wasn't actually "taught" anything on either of those courses).

Why do children need to learn how to do things they don't like? If you didn't like being a teacher would you stay in the job? If you didn't like a type of food would you eat it to get used to it?

The attitude of doing things you don't like to get used to it is why kids HATE school. Make school fun and they will want to come. Also, consider Flipped learning, sending home a 5 minute video to watch instead of 20 mins of homework. That way the child and the parent can learn together. Think about it, not all parents can do maths etc. never therefore are no use supporting their child through the homework anyway.

Flipped learning gives you more time in the school day. A lecture can be made into a condensed video and then you have all that talk time you didn't have previously. Looking into new methods of learning can really free up lesson time and make it easier for all involved, you just have to think long term.

Apologies for the lack of proper punctuation in my previous post. Sometimes hitting shift on the iPad for a question mark doesn't always respond so it's a full stop instead. Sorry. 🙁

I agree! Let's make a campaign together! Homework is good! Homework is good! Homework is good! Force our children to do homework! Spank them if they don't 😲 😲 🙌 ! Just because we did homework as kids, our children have to suffer the same thing 😍 ! Out of pure revenge for our selfish teachers, we have learned to be selfish ourselves and have forced our kids to do their homework👿 ! Aren't we proud? Well, are we proud? Think of that! Make your kids 'learn' discipline as you have 'learned' yourself. Force it upon them like forcing a doughnut to their mouth 🍩 🍩, (you know some kids don't like cupcakes)! EAT IT NOWWWWWWWWWWWW! LEARN SELF-DESCIPLINE!! ARRGGGG!

AWESOME! As a special education teacher who has taught High School and Early Childhood programs, I have to agree with you. Research shows that children who are allowed to PLAY do better academically in later years than those who face academic focus in early years (preK-3rd grade especailly). The public school system in America is not set up that way for reasons that I cannot even begin to touch on, however if more parents would take a stand such as yours, our children would be much better learners throughout their school years. Way to go!

That is all great but reality is our national leaders believe our teachers are not doing a good job and so now our jobs--paychecks-- are based on what your child does on the end of the year test. I am thrilled that you encourage reading at home as reading is the foundation to all subjects and in the working world. I remember we got to play outside like your kids do but in our "world" today many do not. I am a teacher in Middle School----there are kids that wasted time everyday and then parents call with why does my child have an "F". Well, zeroes equal "F". If we had more parents like you to take a stand against our POLITICANS and get them to get rid of their riduculous laws added in the last 20 years ----we could have more class time when they give us back the right to discipline the class behavior problems and the special education programs could do their jobs. Right now every one is having to do extra documenting of everything including why they teach what they do????? I am rambling better stop. ONE last thought "not all sizes fit even your world" you are one of the lucky ones. Would like to talk more. Genia Means

I gave all my students A's day one. They'd have to prove me wrong. They never did.

Unfortunately in this day of NCLB, that's not really an option.

Teachers are constantly under fire for not doing a good enough job. All while their class loads are increasing, standards are getting piled on by state legislation, and while they are expected to try to teach to each learner in their diverse/multi-leveled classrooms. Teaching is a stressful job and most people think they know what's it like because they were once in school, but they really don't have a clue until they stand in front of 30 kids and actually have to teach them. As a teacher, I realize that there is a life outside of the school day and I try to be sensitive to that when assigning homework. Meaningful homework should be an extension of the school day. Reading and writing outside of the school day is a really good thing, because it teaches young kids to find a purpose for reading and writing other than just school but for enjoyment. I personally think you should be careful. What are you teaching your children? That learning isn't fun when it's school? That they have an option to say no to anything they don't really want to do, just because they don't want to do it? While, yes, we have a choice, there are lots of things we have to do because it is the right thing, or because there is a need, or because it's required by a job. I would rather play with my 4 year old than grade 150 tests that the district made me give my students any day of the week, but I can't always do that. How about changing your outlook from "We have to do homework." to "We choose to do homework, because knowing how to read, write, and do math will help my children be more prepared and productive citizens of the world." Yes, playing is important, and balance is key, but we also have to teach the importance of education and how it can change our human condition, and also respect the fact that is work.

Erin, If you sat with us as my 10 year old grandson tried/tried not to do his homework, mostly crying then by him - later by me. You would see all he was being taught is how to find ways to not bring homework home so he wasn't subject to the stress, I think your opinion of teaching children to ENJOY any part of the learning process might stand on a weak foundation. I wish I had what it took to stand up to the teacher (my failure due to pressures from grade school) and say "What time I have with my grandson is precious. You can not dictate how that time is utilized." If a teacher can not give the child an education during school hours, you can't have my time to do your job. It is like saying "I used mine all up, now I want yours." Thank you Heather!

With increased standards (what we have to teach in 180-190 days days/depending on your state), higher accountability by the teacher (with no accountibility on the student or parents), and data driven schools, they just don't give us the time in the day to accomplish all that needs to get done. We've practically eliminated recess in most elementaries, we've eliminated some specials time, while they are adding and adding more and more content and literacy standards, to be accomplished earlier and earlier. I think this isn't about "standing up to your teachers" it's about voting for the right legislatures and state superintendent of education. We [teachers] do what we are told, and really have no voice. So, make sure you know who you are voting for, and what their policies are on education. More rigorous standards, or just raising achievement standards on standardized tests, is not the answer to a more fulfilling and meaningful education. Listen carefully. They will tell you what they think. This isn't an education system run by educators, it's an education system run by politicians. That is a shame, if you want my honest opinion.

And, I was that kid who cried at homework. I worked and worked, and by the time I was in high school things got better. In the meantime my mom got me extra help from the local university (she seeked out free help, as she was a single mom and couldn't afford a tutor), and my grandpa sat with me for hours. I now have two masters degrees now, and am working on a PhD. I love learning. I sometimes wonder where I'd be if they told me just to blow it off to go outside and play.

I couldn't agree with you more Erin. Parents really have no clue of the stress, pressure, etc. that is placed on a teacher. Politicians are even WORSE!! Expectations of teachers are extremely unrealistic as it is but they get ESPECIALLY worse when you have parents/grandparents who think like Peggy. Anyone who thinks that 100% of learning should be done inside the classroom is extremely naive. I could go on and on, but it when I see " If a teacher can not give the child an education during school hours, you can’t have my time to do your job." It is just not worth my time and effort to deal with that kind of IGNORANCE.

So if children aren't learning what we teach we need to teach the way children learn. Sit down with paper and drilling information only works for a small portion of kids. My teacher training said there were at least 7 different learning styles.

Peggy, if your grandson is struggling with his homework to the point where he and you are brought to tears, perhaps there's something more going on than just he doens't like homework and should be tested for a learning disorder. While I agree that some schools assign too much homework, I don't think 30 minutes a night is asking too much. Furthermore, some things such as reading and espeically Math require ongoing practice and drilling that, performed during the school day, would take too much time away from instruction time. And if the homework assigned is meant to be an intro to a project or some other function of class room time the next day, what then? Your child goes to school unprepared. You may be better off a) allowing kids to play and eat dinner and get a break before homework time and b) reviewing assignments ahead of time for value to weed out busy work.

Peggy, there was a time when I struggled like mad with homework, and I didn't have a learning disability and I got great grades. It is sometimes just EXHAUSTING to be in school all day (plus 2+ hours per day on a bus) and then have a lot of homework to do. Just wanted to support you in what you're saying. 🙂

As for "knowing how to read, write, and do math will help my children be more prepared and productive citizens of the world", it really depends on what one considers productive. Not all skills are needed for someone to be valuable, and some of our priorities as a society are questionable (more investment bankers, anyone?). I know plenty of "smart" people who aren't great citizens or neighbors at all. I wonder if-- instead of non-teachers arguing about whether teachers are doing their jobs and teachers arguing about how the job they chose takes up too much time--we should bring the discussion up the chain a bit and reexamine whether what they are expected to do is reasonable and effective. It seems like it isn't. We've placed more and more emphasis on "learning" (in quotes because so many forms of learning are undervalued in our system), more and more emphasis on drills and homework and practice, and the results haven't been better. Insane. I think 6+ hours of classroom time is more than enough to drive home the "importance of education." Another hour or few hours isn't going to help for the better.

Homework isn't about teaching the "importance of education," and honestly i'd argue that schools/teachers/classroom time have little impact on how important education is to a child. Parents are the ones who teach their children the importance of learning/education...they just get a different educational experience at school than they get at home (both are educational, just in different ways). I don't value education because of the teachers I had, or the subjects I learned..I value it because it was something my parents valued and something they were very invested in having me value as well.

Please please do not assume it is the teachers fault. Blaming the teacher and saying standu to the teacher is such a horrible horrible thing to say. You should be supporting your kids teachers and standing up to the politicians and school boards. Teachers are extremely overloadedhave so many restrictions, it's not their fault. There are some bad teachers out there but please stop making this a war against all teachers that assign homework. If you want to make a change then write a letter to the super intendent or the governor. But stop ganging up on teachers that put sooooooo much time, love, and energy and give up time with their own kids to teach yours. And go thank a teacher.

What is "meaningful" homework? Mark Twain said he never let education interfere with his learning.

I would say any activity that requires the student to practice a standard that they have not yet mastered. If the student has already mastered the standard I believe there is no reason for that student to be required to practice.

@ Jan: I have that Mark Twain quote on my wall. Love it. @ Brad: No matter how much some kids practice, they may not master the standards within a week, a month or a year or two years....So with your definition, kids who have learning disabilities would just need to do tons more homework?

Back in the 1920s, my grandparents never had homework, not even in high school. They lived on dairy farms and had chores to do - their family's survival depended on it. Both of my mom's parents grew up to be teachers - Grandpa taught chemistry and physics for nearly 40 years, and Grandma taught first grade for over 20. They had chores, yes, but they were also allowed to be kids, and they never forgot that.

I completely agree with you! Young children do not need the kind of pressure that many of the school systems are putting on them in today's day and age! I have been an Early Childhood Educator since 1998 and have a play-based learning philosophy! The job of the child is to play, and the job of the adults in their lives is to make sure play happens! Regardless of their age! Parents need to play more too!

I would love to review your new book on my blog! Please email me at [email protected] to arrange how to make this happen!

I've been lucky that our children's school believes the same thing,last year he had "practice", that's what they call homework, twice and that was looking up some research nothing major. They provide adequate time during class so if the child needs help to understand how to do something they can help them. I love that you are defending your kids right to be kids.

My hubby has been saying this for years. We now have an almost 3 year old and a 4 month old and will probably be taking this stance.

I am so torn already about homework. My daughter just started kindergarten (full day, btw), and they send a homework packet home on Monday that is due on Friday. This was the first week, and she loved it as we have always "played school" and this is part of it and makes her feel like a "big girl". I was the one stressed out about it!! We are still working on figuring out how the weeks are going to go, with a husband who travels 1/2 the week, and a new nanny for her brother some days, etc, and we ended up leaving one page until Thursday night...MISTAKE!! My husband was away, my 2 year old son was getting into everything, and I was the one that ended up losing it. Obviously, lesson learned, but I keep thinking, wow...THIS is kindergarten?? The school also does a program called the 100 book challenge so there is a 15-30 minute reading requirement also. This is not so difficult as reading is readily done in our house, but add it to everything else, and it really is a lot!! I agree with you that homework for a young child is not the responsibility of the child, it is the FAMILY! We are all effected by the need to get it done. I don't think I am ready to ban it from the household, as she is enjoying it, I DO however, need to do better by our family to make sure I am not the one making it an unpleasant or stressful experience.

Sheli, Wait until you see how many children are FLUNKING kindergarten these days. It is a trend. A statement form the teachers that children are not ready to perform in school so young. I was appalled when my grandchild flunked kindergarten. What kind of negative effect does that place on a child just getting started??!!

With the rigors of school and testing demanded by legislators that do not know the first thing about child development many kids are "flunking kindergarten," but better kindergarten than 4th grade.

still kept back and being one year behind same thing whether in kindergarten or 4th grade same problem being a year older then all the other kids. 4th grade in some ways would be better because their is summer school to avoid being kept back. It is very damaging to keep someone back to be one year older then all the others, home schooling would be a better option so he will not suffer that being a year older for the next 12 years. Those kept back once are sometimes kept back again later so will be 2 years behind .

Sheli, We asked kiddo's teacher for the packet on Fridays instead of Mondays. We are a working family, we live 30+ min from kiddo's school, so we were trying to fit homework in between 6:30 and 8 pm -- such a nightmare because we were all tired & hungry. This year (2nd grade) I encourage kiddo to do her homework at homework time in her afterschool program when not in another activity, and by getting the packet on Fridays, we can do a little bit on Sat & Sun early in the day so it lightens the Thursday night scramble.

Our school district doesn't believe kids need a lot of homework. They get spelling words and maybe a short reading assignment or something but never more than 15 or 20 minutes worth for the week. They said studies show homework isn't all it's cracked up to be so they don't assign it very much. It was strange to me, but it is nice since our kids are involved in after school activities and church.

Wow - thanks for all your comments. I can see this topic strikes a chord with families everywhere - no matter what your stance. If you are a firm believer in play for young children, come visit my website https://www.heathershumaker.com which is all about free play and parenting following "renegade" rules.

I agree 100%. I feel the same way you do about homework. It has caused us so many problems. My boys hate the homework-most of it is busy work. It does make them hate school.

My only comment as a second grade teacher is to not send a letter, but to request a time to talk with the teacher either on the phone or in person to talk it over.

This is a great post! I do have a question or two. What about special projects or reports that may be assigned? Class presentations? Do you have your children do them? If not, how is their grade affected? I love this.

Yay! Our fantastic charter school has no homework except for nightly reading and family "bingo" (today my 2nd grader picked "Have a chat with your family about the meaning of 'Don't cry over spilled milk'." from her bingo sheet). We love it! Kids should not have time for homework after school! They should be too busy LEARNING!

Heather -- I am so proud of you!! Things are going to change, and for the better with citizens like you that uphold the moral values that made America what it is/was. My son, now 39 was going to flunk second grade for the second time, when a school nurse advised me to put him in a pilot program. Keith was tested with an IQ of 186. The new school had an open door policy. They took all the walls out of the class rooms. First graders could study with fifth graders and reverse. Kids became tutors to each other. The students choose the area of study for the year. Giving the student respect and responsibility, giving them charge of their own education gave the kids an opportunity to grow. Keith excelled in the new school. In Arizona we have charter schools. If you don't like the public school - you can enroll your child in a charter school. Most have smaller classes and specific areas of study. I know that is not the answer, but it is a start. I believe it will be parents like you that correct the mess we have made of our children education. Sorry public school teachers. I say don't ask me to do your job and I won't ask you to do mine. Thanks!

Public School teachers aren't the ones that have made a mess of education. It's the ridiculous testing and laws that politicians have put in place that have tied teachers' hands that have made the mess. Parents need to speak up via their vote to tell politicians that NCLB is in fact leaving many child behind and is not the answer.

I was a teacher for almost 30 years but at the high school level where homework was the norm. I read your post and your readers' comments with great interest. This topic is an important one that relates to the qualtiy of the school day and education for life. I have been following the news on the Chicago teacher strike and am myself very much in sympathy with them. Teachers have been dealing with very different and very stressful demands under the No Child Left Behind mandate and are now facing even more stringent requirements regarding testing. Some of your readers are teachers -- equally concerned with offering your children a quality education--but their hands may be tied. The quality of education in this country is under assault (mostly) by people who don't have teaching degrees or certificates and have not been in a classroom probably since they were in high school. If you really want to make an impact, you should be directing your concerns to the school board, the administration, the Department of Education, The President, etc. Heather, and all the readers--where do you stand with the Chicago teachers? Do you see the connection?

Tracy, Very well said! I agree with you about those who berate the education system are not well educated. Most of the time the homework requirements are not up to the teacher, but a higher level of authority. I strongly believe the teachers hands are tied. The "no child left behind" has hindered my children, not helped them. My children are advanced, yet I feel the NCLB, tries to bring everyone to the same level, average. So those children that do excel are hindered, because of those that do not. I don't mean to sound like a snob, but I've seen it happen.

I loved reading this article. My son has just started secondary school. He is supposed to get between 45 minutes to 1 and a half hours a day homework. He finishes at 3.45 and can stay on to do homework club until 5. He wants to do this as then home time is home time. He wants to come home and do what he wants. I like this idea too. The only thing I will say is that I wish he'd had a little more homework last year. I think it would have been helpful for him to have had 10 minutes homework a day in his last year of junior school. The work he has been set so far has been easy but because he wasn't used to it, he felt overwhelmed.

I applaud you! Your kids are blessed that you have provided this balance for them!

My girls both have their own variety pack of special needs. When they were in grade 2 and 4, their mainstream support teacher asked how I felt about writing in "no homework" into their IEPs (individual learning plans) I could have kissed her! Homework was always such a struggle! These girls were WELL overwhelmed by schoolwork and needed to NOT be doing more of the same at home. Without homework, the girls were free to LEARN at home (they were not learning anything from the homework!) We still couldn't do much in the way of clubs,and lessons, and sports and stuff... school took SO much energy and added SO much stress.

One teacher was quite concerned that she wouldn't know how to give our daughter a grade if she didn't do homework! REALLY? She spent 5 hours in a classroom with my daughter, which allowed her to hear her answers to questions as well as see all her written work IN class! Based on (grade 4) 40 minutes per day guidelines (gak) 7 days per week that would be 4 hours and 40 minutes of work. You mean to say she couldn't evaluate a child based on 25 hours in class, but she could evaluate a child based on 29 hours and 40 minutes of class and homework time?

We have been home-learning for 3 years now. My girls are loving those clubs and lessons and sports that they missed out on in their early elementary years. Our most "schooly" program is a gem called Wildwood, where they go once a week for a full day of multi-sensory learning about everything from geology, ancient history, business economics, world festivals, philosophy, and more! PLAY is SERIOUS learning! Here they are "in Greece" Well actually in Fort Langley, BC, learning about Greece during one such day filled with experiences that no textbooks or worksheets could ever replicate:

http://www.freewebs.com/wildwoodeducationalenrichmentcentre/apps/photos/photo?photoid=96968867

I have the pleasure of watching my children grow and learn and take JOY in their educational pursuits! One has discovered a passion for ancient history, and spends hours each week on that alone. The other daughter is into all things science, especially geology and botany. They have both recovered from the "math allergies" that they developed in public school. One day in the middle of summer.... actually... one night... it was 10:00 at night... in July, when my youngest asked "please could I do some math in bed tonight instead of reading?" "Ummm ... well... OK I suppose you can!"

.... because we have no homework requirements!

Interesting viewpoint. I can see with that much homework I would agree with you. I'm in the UK and my oldest is 9 - not sure what US grade that equates to, here it is Year 5. He has english once a week that should take no more than 25 minutes and maths similar. So we have chance to do that over the weekend (my 6 year old daughter has maths for about 15 mins and some spellings so they sit together and do it) as well as all the very important things you describe. So I guess we are lucky that it doesn't impact too much.

Definitely in favour of free play, plus we read daily, my son has music practice, we all eat together and bed is 7.30pm for my daughters (littlest one has no homework yet) and 8.30pm at the latest for my son.

I am a third grade teacher and I couldn't agree with you more. This is exactly what I tell my students' parents. You would be surprised how many parents actually WANT their children to have homework! My kids work hard the whole day and they need time to be a kid. Thanks for sharing this.

It sounds like you are teaching you kids that the rules don't apply to them; instead of teaching them how to balance their time to include homework. I'm trying to understand your point of view. I wonder as your children grow if it will change. I too, used to complain about their homework at such a young age. However, with age, comes wisdom. I know my views now are very different now than when first one started school. My kids (2 in HS & 1 in elem, all are extremely intelligent & in the gifted program) are only at school for 6 short hours. That is not enough time to teach them what they need to learn. There are so many distractions in class that it can be challenging to teach everything in such a short span of time. I believe homework is essential. It is a parents/guardians job to assist their child with homework to help them continue to learn outside the classroom. We need to be a team with our children's educators! The American work ethic has become way too lazy! We need to teach our kids to work hard, to go above & beyond to succeed, not just to quit if it gets too hard & look for hand outs. The upcoming generations are already inheriting a strong sense of entitlement. No one is owed anything.....its needs to be reinforced that you need to take pride in yourself & your school work to strive to achieve greatness. I'm not implying this towards you, just our society in general. I enjoy taking the time each night to help my children with their homework. It gives me an opportunity to see what they are learning & how they understand the concepts. (Just my humble opinion)

If my daughter learns one thing in her life, I hope that it involves standing up for things she believes in. It's not that the rules don't apply - it's that they disagree with the rules. That happens everyday in the real world. You must approach the disagreement with maturity and intelligence. This mother was very calm and has an excellent point. It would be very hard to argue with her, especially since the school employees are on her payroll.

If you really believe that 6 full hours in a day is not enough time to educate children well, then I feel you may have a very misguided outlook on education.

Don't most people work for just 7 short hours a day? (Including coffee breaks and procrastination). Maybe bosses of companies need to be giving employees homework (unpaid) to eat into TV watching time.

Children work very hard. 6 hours is a long time for a small child. Look at the academic success of Finland, where no homework is the norm. They outshine UK and USA.

There is no balance possible that would enable a child to get their homework done without eating into their earned recreation time at home. Children will grow up, "with age comes wisdom", so let them learn more when they have such wisdom and play during the only time they will ever get to. There is plenty of time to turn them into rule obeying worker drones during their over-exam taking teenage years.

Same goes for us. My daughter has Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism. She is in 2nd grade, but learns on a 6th grade level. Well, they send home 3rd grade homework and she is bored with it. Do I make her do it? NOPE. It doesn't benefit her. In fact, this is the exact same homework she was sent home with last year. Homework for a 7 year old is preposterous. She should be free of that. All day she's had to obide by social rules she doesn't understand and stay seated when that is really diffcult for her. She is in sensory over load every single day. When she comes home, she gets to be LINDY....not what others want her to be. I am so glad I am not the only parent out there who thinks homework for small children is a really dumb idea. Let them be free!!!

As mom I can agree. As educator I can value your opinion. Only wish half the families spent the quality time with their children. You must also bear in mind that if your child is struggling you will be better able to help support that child at home than a teacher who is trying to work with 20+ kids. Homework provides a window into what the child is learning and you have the opportunity to see how they grasp the subject and whether or not they need additional support.

As both an educator and a mother, I have conflicting feelings on this. I understand your point that in the early grades, children need to play and actually learn by doing so. However, in the later grades, when preparing children for the job force or college, homework becomes a critical assessment of what children have actually learned in the classroom. What I completely object to is meaningless, timed homework. "Busywork" has no place in education. It is not practical or useful. A meaningful homework experience should reinforce what a child learns and challenge them to be ready for the next step. I only assigned homework when necessary, but some of my colleagues were not as generous. I also agree with some of the comments above that you are walking a fine line of teaching your children that rules don't apply to them. I think your approach would go a little better if you designed a replacement homework plan that aligned what your children do after school to the skills the school was practicing at that time. You appear to do that already. One more thought and I will stop... Please be mindful that your children are very lucky that you are not only a caring and interested parent, but also one that values their experiences at learning through play. Many children are not that lucky. The little bit of homework time after school may be the only positive learning experience they get in the 18 hours they are NOT in the classroom.

I have been in a hotel room where a homeless family of five was living. I saw the state of their lives. I have seen the difficulties they faced. The "homework" assigned to the young children was not a positive gift. It was an impossibility. I think it is imaginative to believe additional work after 6 or 7 hours of schooling for children is "positive" for them. Especially if their home lives are challenging. No, it's just more stress because if they need help with it they won't get it, or it's too stressful at home to do a good job, have a quiet place to work, etc.

I agree with this concept completely. My son just started K this yr. and occasionally he will bring home a sheet for homework; however, it takes all of 5 min to complete because it is basically just a repeat of what he did that day. Basically writing his letters. This is why I love the school we are at, I have found out that the majority of the teachers in higher grades send little to no homework home as well. They help the children do their work in class and that only leaves them minimal homework later, with that usually being reading so not a big deal. I understand what some of the teachers are talking about with their pay & the new laws that have been set but that is something the teachers need to stand up against as well. The elementary teachers at my sons school are all great teachers and the children learn everything they are suppose to for the EOG. I don't see why it can't be done in the 6 1/2 hours you have to teach it in. I do sympathize with them about "problem students", although I don't believe in such terminology there is always an underlying problem either at school or at home, and being overwelmed with the number of students, but this doesn't mean the rest of our children should suffer. And for those who said their children were well rounded with doing homework and other things, that's great for you; however, did your child honestly get the family time he/she craved?? Also, she said she didn't agree with homework for children 11 and under. Therefore, from the 7th grade & up your child would have homework & this should be good enough because there is more to learn and less time per class to learn it but should they really have between 2 & 3 hours worth of homework?? Ok I'm finished, but kudos and I'm glad you take a stand every year for your children.

I found a school that agrees with you! My kids attend a small private school that, on principle, doesn't assign homework. And, yes, it's great! Not only do we get more family time, the kids are doing all of their work in school, with a skilled teacher present who can help them when they have questions. This needs to be a revolution: no more homework!

Thank you for sharing this. Homework is always such a struggle. I say "Yes" for no homework!! Family time is more precious than spending the rest of the day doing homework!!

The first thing I did after reading this was emailing the principle of my 7th grader's middle school. This year is an experiment and they have practically no homework, except for an occasional project that comes with the TAG classes. I thanked her for not giving and grading homework. And that's exactly the hardest point for my 5th grader. I could tell her not to do homework, as I have done a few times after sitting through 2 long and painful hours of homework, but her homework gets graded. We can't just skip it. After talking to her teacher she agreed we could go 'a bit easier on her' but my daughter freaks out because she doesn't want a bad grade. HELP!

"No parent signatures signing off on assignments, etc. I laughed at this, as I refused to sign my sons "planner" which he never used! The teacher was adamant that he just write anything in there--what tie the teacher was wearing---what funny joke someone said, and I was supposed to sign it each night?? I don't write junk in my daytimer---and no one else has to check up on it--it is the child's responsibility--not mine! I have 3 sons--2 who have no use for school, and are heavy equipment operators---who should have been steered in that direction, right from grade 8---and one who is gifted, who fell in the middle, did a 5 year university degree, and has a great job, traveling the world, teaching and training about environmental stewardship. The "student" did his homework on his own--never once did I need to ask whether he had completed everything. The other 2---well, they did what they had to do, to get by, and now love their jobs. Not everyone fits into the "school box!"

Elizabeth, I am so glad to read a post from a Mom of kids like mine!

My daughter was the one who played school, made up extra homework, went above and beyond and got her Masters degree in four years. She's now married and a gem of a Mom who is currently staying at home, but is also in business with me.

My son is the one who did the absolute minimum to squeak by and always knew he wanted to work for the railroad. He is 19 and currently the youngest conductor in our area. It's a job which he worked incredibly hard just to get, and will always work hard to keep, but he loves it.

Both of my children are incredibly intelligent, but they are gifted in different ways. They make me very proud.

For one, homework actually was play, for the other, it was sheer torture and often went undone. There is a part of me that makes the boy vs. girl comparison, because I know they learn differently, but classrooms are mixed so kids just have to deal.

My one beef with some of the educator comments I've read is about not having time to get everything done in the classroom. My frustration lies with how many times one of my kids would come home from high school and tell me they did absolutely nothing all day. When pressed to give an account of each hour, I would hear about movies they watched, YouTube videos a teacher would show, or how a discussion would last all hour and have absolutely nothing to do with curriculum. In my opinion, every minute of the class should be used wisely, and there were many times that it wasn't, and my child would end up with homework to make up for all that time the teacher "didn't have."

Conversely, I also agree with teachers who say NCLB is unreasonable, because it is. I got so tired of my kids being taught how test instead of how to learn. That is not what education is about.

Finally, I have to take issue with Erin who "has two Masters degrees and is working on a Ph.D" and used the phrase "she seeked out free help". Really? I have a high school diploma and I know that "seeked out" should be "sought." (I'm also an editor, so those things drive me crazy!) 🙂

Ahaha, I had that thought about "seeked out" as well 🙂 I am a homeschool mama and my main focus is on helping my children develop their strengths - I know many peers who worked like fiends to graduate top of their high school class "just because it was the right thing to do" and then went on to earn Bachelor's and Masters "because it's just what you do" and worked in a career they hated for a few years earning a lot of money because "that's the American dream" and... then quit. Just stopped, changed their lives and realized they would have been happier cutting hair, or teaching English overseas, or yes, being a conductor of a train.

My job is to give my kids an awesome foundation (excellency over the 3 'R's so to speak) and then help them realize their God given interests and talents. That is where the crux of the backlash comes in - we all want that for our kids, and teachers are NEVER, EVER going to be able to do that for our children, even if they want to. More parents should consider home educating!

I agree 100% - there's so much more to life and learning than school! If there isn't enough time to teach the curriculum during 30 hours of school time each week, then let's cut out the many unneccesary assemblies and "skip-a-thons" and that sort of thing. Our kids take dance, music lessons, belong to clubs and play sports, as well as making mud pies, riding bikes and just playing during their after-school hours. This is equally important to school work. For those who advocate homework for young children, think for a minute about the concept of balance. Kids are only kids for a short time; all too soon it will be time for them to "work hard, to go above and beyond to succeed."

Love this letter, Heather! And especially the tone of it. You have a gift of keeping it positive—even the tough stuff!

I'm French. Here, Homework has been banned by law for a few years. Yet school teachers still give lots of things to do at home and are surprised to see those young children tired at school and even tired of school. The idea behind refusing homework was to give every child the same chance. When they're doing homework, some kids get help from their parent while others can't. If a child didn't understand something explained by the teacher, how would (s)he understand it alone? But you're right in your post: a child needs time to grow, time to play, time to laugh, time to sleep and that's more important than learning equations one year early.

This is why I chose an online charter school for my children. They can spend the day playing and do school at night. Their school work takes roughly 4 hours, leaving a wonderfully large chunk of time for play, exploration, and field trips! And best of all, no homework! Ever!

What is the name of your children's online charter? That sounds like a great option for schooling!

I'd love the name of your charter too.

"The only type of “homework” I value at this age is reading at home. In our family we already do this every day. "

We have always placed high value on reading at home (we've read to & with our 2 since they were tiny babies) but I've regretfully come to the realization that we haven't placed enough value on practicing basic math. My 4th grader is not fluent in basic math (incl. times tables), which for some kids is only achieved with much repetition. She understands the concepts taught in class but there is no time during class time to get the information in there so they are fluent (simple mental arithmetic), and this is impeding her ability to progress in that area. I wish more parenting advice had encouraged me to do this instead of focusing solely on reading.

We now include the daily Bedtime Math newsletter into our evening routine, so hopefully it won't be as much of a struggle for our 1st grader.

Seek out some skip counting (essentially the times tables) song CDs. My littles even know their full times tables because they learned it to fun songs 🙂

Hmmmm....here's my stance. I completely agree with you. Couldn't agree more! Your kids are lucky to have a mom who understands that there are more important things than academics all day every day and that play, exercise, family time, and sleep are crucial components of a happy and well balanced childhood. BUT...if you feel that strongly against the status quo of the traditional American education system, I feel you should find another option for you kids, whether it be homeschooling (as our family does) or a charter school or some such option that has the same philosophy as you do on homework expectations. I just think it is unfair to send a child to a school, knowing fully the expectations and beliefs of that institution, then expect your child to be exempted or treated differently based on your personal beliefs. It's unfair to the classroom teacher who has to find another way to fulfill requirements for grades that would be coming from homework assignments and unfair to the other students in the class who don't understand why they have to do homework and other kids don't. Just my two cents. It seems this would be equivalent to signing a child up for a competitive sports team and allowing them to go to practices, but refusing to allow them to compete in meets. You can choose to send them to school or not send them to school, but if you do choose to send them to school, you should take the good (policies) with the bad (policies).

Homework is really a very small part of public schooling, and if a parent won't participate with one small part of public school doesn't mean that the parent/children have no right to participate in public schooling.

The only way schools will change backward practices that have no research to support them is by parents taking a stand like Heather.

In that case, I hope both parent and child are willing to accept the lower grade that may result from a failure to turn in homework.

My kids' school is pretty good. 1st grade she comes home with a "connect the dots and color" thing that she'd do regardless, so I think they're just getting practice of doing homework in. The 2nd grader certainly doesn't have 20 minutes of homework. The thing is, one thing I noticed this year in the 2nd grade classroom were two multi-page project packets called, "All about me" and "The origin of my name" with a question and answer format where the children wrote everything down while interviewing the parents. I felt it was COMPLETELY intrusive. I was originally tempted to give answers such as, "We named her that because my husband accidentally called that name out during an intimate moment and we decided if that was the time we conceived, that would be her name!" ...just for fun.

Heather, while I respect your opinion and appreciate your passion for how your child is educated, I don't really like your strict boundries. Age 11. Wouldn't some kids be age 9? Or age 13? My twins are in kindergarten and we love the 15 minutes of homework each night and I often give them additional learning activities because they enjoy it. You say the only acceptable 'homework' is reading. Why reading? Why not math? I'm in a math career I am passionate about math and my kids are strong in math. They enjoy math worksheets and flash cards. We do those as fun activities. You don't seem to make exception for each child being different.

Something to consider is can't these activities overlap? So of my fondest memories of my father are doing 2nd grade practice spelling tests and practicing vocabulary words. Family time can be learning time.

The last question I pose is why do you believe the teacher should make exceptions for your child? If some other parent doesn't believe in standardized test, does that mean the teacher should give that child a free pass? I don't think a college application will get much attention if the SAT scores are blank because the parent didn't believe in that. Playing by the rules is also a valuable lesson for our children.

I'd love your insight on these topics.

Why the bias to reading over say, math?

Kids build an enormous amount of experiences to build a strong base for math by outdoor play. Building is especially important to making kids strong math learners.

After reading through all the comments, it's plain to see that most parents understand very little about NCLB and the ramifications it has on a regular classroom. We don't have control over state testing, nor are we allowed to voice our opinions, without risking our paychecks. I went into teaching because I loved working with children and watching them light up as they grew and discovered new things. The new laws make it difficult to enjoy teaching the way it once was. Reading is a major 1st grade skill that needs to be practiced in a variety of settings, one of which needs to be within the walls of a child's own home. As a first grade teacher I do 'assign' homework, which is basically geared toward the parents . . . I want them to spend 20 minutes a night reading to/listening to their child read. The number of parents who don't spend even that small amount of time with their child is appalling. I applaud the parents who spend quality time with their child, but based on my classroom observation, you are few and far between. Those that have the money/resources for private school, kudos to you, not every family is so fortunate. As a parent, I too balked at the amount of meaningless homework brought home by my children, but they were able to do what was needed to be done and still have time for those other activities that they enjoyed. I feel for children who don't have the support from home.

If you went into the education sector because you loved teaching children, but your hands are tied to teach them in effective manners... why continue? Why not branch out and start a paid home-school co-op? I had a friend who was a public high school science teacher for several years and was insanely frustrated by the broken system... so she started a business that offered group lessons to homeschool co-ops or other similar gatherings. She makes as much money, actually impacts kids who are interested and has parental support. *Why stay in a broken system?*

The children in that broken system still deserve to have teachers who are in it for the love of teaching, even if their hands are tied more than they should be.

Totally agree with you, Heather! Kids need time to be kids and I am glad someone has the courage to stand up for children against so many "educational experts". My children are just beginning their academic journeys and I hope I can be as assertive as you and advocate for my child's right to be a child and to learn through meaningful, authentic experiences in the outdoors and with family rather than worksheets.

Bravo!!! So pleased to see other parents who value the importance of play in a young child's life.

We still do homework because it's very short and most if it is reading for my kinder daughter or just a few minutes of drawing or verbal discussion. One night the teacher gave a homework assignment telling the kids to help their parents clean for 10 minutes. That's my kind of homework assignment! Also, my daughter has been enjoying homework so if it's fun for her, we are going to keep it up.

I would love it so much if you linked up this post to our Sunday Parenting Party. It would be a wonderful addition. http://www.thegoldengleam.com/2012/09/connecting-at-bedtime-sunday-parenting.html

I agree. Been saying it for 40 years, as a teacher, I don't get much support. There is plenty of "work" at home. If it doesn't get done at school LEAVE it there!

My child attends elementary school in Chesterfield, VA. Last year at back to school night they unveiled their new policy of "no homework" According to the administration, studies have shown that, at least in elementary school, their is no benefit and there may be detriment. I wholeheartedly agree. I was surprised at how many parents opposed this. They were baffled. For me, I loved it. Less homework for me as well. I'm a big advocate for increasing physical activity for kids, and homework decreases available time for that. Having said all of this, over time, it seems that some "enrichment activities" have creeped in. Semantics. But overall, less homework and my child is happier. I'm proud of the school for taking a stance.

I really appreciated reading this article. My kids are a little older now (15, 18 & 20) but over the years we have taken a very strict stance on homework when it comes to homework assigned over the holidays (but this makes me wish we had had a stricter no-homework stance throughout as well). Nothing drove me more crazy than having homework assigned to do over Christmas break or spring break - I banned it and on a couple of occasions I had to write notes to the teacher explaining that they would not be completing the assignments over their break but that they would make every effort to catch up with it during school time once they returned. Actually, there was one thing that drove me more crazy - when there was homework assigned that was a to be done as a group with one or more other students outside of school time. Our family was most definitely an exception in our community - we only allowed our kids one structured extracurricular activity each. Had seen far to many families over the years who dragged their families from one sport to another to piano to dance to ... we strongly believe that kids need the time to simply be kids. SO, when it came to assigned group project homework, it became near impossible for our kids to arrange with other the other students (whether they were allowed to pick their partners or not) adequate time to complete the projects. More often than not, my children took on the bulk of the project themselves simply to ensure that it got done and done well.

Thank you, again, for this refreshing article. I will be sharing it with others.

[...] shared a post the other day that I thought was rather interesting.  A mother had written on her blog that every year she talks with her child’s teacher and refuses to do homework!  At first I [...]

Wow, what a varied amount of responses! I too think homework is silly for younger kids. If you read to your kids, have them read to you, involve them in family life like cooking, reading and measuring from recipes, shopping, and etc they will be learning maths, science, reading. Let them explore the outside world and they will be learning, build your relationship with them by engaging in activities together, they will be learning. I find it interesting that in early education (before formal 5 days a week schooling) the emphasise is fully on the child learning through play, however when they turn 5 and attend school, they all of a sudden are supposed to not learn that way. I will encourage my child to chose what they learn outside of school hours, and the only time I will implement 'forced' learning is if they are having a lot of trouble with a certain area.

Yes both my kids attend(ed) Waldorf schools. I am a Waldorf trained teacher. My son adores going to school and learning to knit a gnome, play the recorder, garden & compost, learn the land of letters and number kingdom. Childhood is a magical time of life. The richer the child's imagination and free time, the more secure and independent he/she will be. Therefore we will have kids that grow up to do their passion, instead of a "JOB" that is soul deadening. Being part of Waldorf in Silicon Valley has been life saving, heart saving, peace of mind saving. Thank you for your writings, keep on telling the truth. We are out here! More parents are catching on each day. It is holy work, protecting children.

That sounds awesome, I really sympathize. But it's probably a great solution for your kids in your environment, no so much for big cities, like where I live: San Diego. We don't have toads and forts to experiment with (we do have chickens and a rabbit though!). But a lot of our neighbor kids have big brothers in gangs and big sisters being hoochie to deal with. They have murderous streets to stay out of. Most elementary teachers that I know design their homework towards parental involvement rather than busy work for the kids -- because there's too much absentee parenting going on in general.

Really, truly, I loved this article, I want it for the world, but I don't think it practical for all situations.

I agree with you, the only thing in our society is that most parents don't seem to want to spend time with the family anymore.They are always too busy and kids even have to have dinner by themselfs - so sad. When I was in Elementary school we only got reading as homework, but that was in former East Germany. I am always surprised that not more parents complain about homework.They tell their kids "oh I am too tired to help you right now, I just worked 8 hours so I need a break" well their kids just worked 6+ hours too, so why arent's they getting a break? Actually, I believe the Parents (at least one of them) should get homework - their homework should be to spend at least 1hour outside with their kids, 20+ minutes reading with their kids,and 30+ min. having a nice family dinner with their kids,and even a few minutes WITH their kids to do house chores with them. That would be so great, instead of just letting the kids sit in front of TV or the Computer.So that gives the parent and kid over 2hours after school of "homework" - then they can do whatever they want by themselfs - and the child should have to check off if their parent did all the stuff with them, maybe even write down themselfs what they did that day. I would love that.While a child plays they can learn so much more, especially if they have an adult near by or play with them who answers questions they have.

[...] I'm completely against homework in primary school. Funnily enough I've just come across a lovely blog post by a mother who opts out of homework for her children: https://www.heathershumaker.com/blog/ ...o-to-homework/. [...]

Great ideals! You really need to add a facebook "like" app or something so I can share this with all my mummy friends, there are so many people that agree with you x

Let's see, I'm new to all this, but I believe there's a "Share" button at the end of the blog post. My facebook page is Heather Shumaker Writer and it's posted there, too. Thanks!

i wish you'd take a moment and research my friend erin kenny. i believe you'll love her preschool .

I looked up Erin Kenny - and you're right, I love her outdoor preschool. Kids need to be outdoors in all kinds of weather, and I especially love that her outdoor kindergarten is inspired by waldkindergartens from Germany. After all, Germany gave us the original idea for kindergarten, a place where children should NOT "read, write or cipher."

I LOVE this! What a fantastic thing to do! This might just make public school bearable for us.

Wonderful viewpoint!!! Thank you for sharing your insight and your sample letter!!!

This is great and I think you are SUPER respectful of the teachers and clearly understand that you have no reason to be anti-teacher. I can see in the comments that many teachers are pointing out the pressures they are under. I feel for them and they are so right: a lot of this comes from above them. Good for you for being a good example of how to stand up for what you believe while still being civil and open to discussion. Seriously, I'm beaming at this.

I love this. It's perfect. I realize that not every kid gets to go home to a place where he or she can play outside, but there should be options for them too that aren't homework. Especially at that age. As for teachers. I appreciate the strain you're under. And I would also never be okay sacrificing my child's happiness for the sole reason of making your job easier. I would rather fight for political change, and I'm happy to do so. I spent 12 years in public school. At least 90% of that time was a complete waste because they never could shove me in the box hard enough to make me stay. I walked out with anxiety and clinical depression. So no. My kid won't be going through that.

I am compelled to dish out some constructive criticism, as I feel you are hindering your effort of making a solid argument for your beliefs to teachers and administrators. If the letter I read above is an accurate sample of the one you send to your children's school, you are inviting a negative first impression. You are addressing educators; therefore, you need to follow the guidelines for formal letter writing, using impeccable grammar and perfect punctuation. You will gain immediate respect for showing your expertise in proper communication. Remember, you are selling the notion there is enough learning during school hours. Will they really buy into it if you send in anything less than an A+ effort? As for your hot topic, I feel our children earn the opportunity to enjoy afternoons and evenings after a long day of learning. Considering most working adults are accustomed to an eight hour work day, should we expect the same, or more, from our children? Unfortunately, school systems nationwide continue to reduce their schedules, leaving our teachers in a bind. (We are down to 160 days this year.) As usual, it comes down to money, or lack thereof, and everyone feels the impact. I accept homework as a necessary evil; but, I find busywork for the sake of having homework to be cruel and counter-productive. Thank you for your thought-provoking post.

[...] read an interesting blog by a parent on her resistance to homework. In “Starlighting Mama,” writer Heather Shumaker explains why her household bans homework. In a nutshell, her kids have [...]

I like the idea and I absolutely abhor homework in elementary school. However, without it being a class wide or school wide rule I think it will make it hard for your child to stay on the same page as everyone else in the class. It also creates a way for for parents to be involved in what their kids are doing in school and leads to many conversations about what your child may not understand and does not have time to communicate or are afraid to communicate with the teacher. From my experience also, if you expect your child to be disciplined in something by the preteen years it is best to start the practice in the earlier years. Getting a teenager to start a new habit is not fun. If you do choose traditional school it is important to teach your kids to follow the rules in place and respect the authority of their teacher. If we let our kids think we can just opt out of a rule that everyone else has to follow because we don't like it they will begin to challenge other things their teacher does. School wide policies have to be fought at a higher level, not put on the back of the classroom teacher who already has their hands tied by policies in so many ways. Teaching our kids to fight battles on the appropriate level in the right places is a tricky balance. I just think there are so many other options out there if you are looking for a more non-traditional way of schooling. I better idea, in my opinion, would be to meet with all the teachers of the grade level your child is about to enter to find out what their teaching philosophies are because while almost all public school teachers have to give homework, the amount and type of homework differs from teacher to teacher. Then you can ask to have your child placed with the teacher that best fits your needs. I think the real key whichever route you choose is positive family and parental involvement. I was never encouraged to do homework and was forced to "play" outside everyday after school. I was always very behind in school and I would have loved for someone to sit down and do homework with me. The homework seriously is not that extensive in elementary school and if the parents take the time to make it a fun and positive time together there is still plenty of time for all the other stuff mentioned too. Like someone else said, if homework is just too painful for a child there is usually something more going on and you would never know that if it weren't for those interactions. I also agree with the person who commented about city kids, that was my situation. We played in the street and kids ran a muck around the neighborhood with absolutely no adult supervision...not something I would want for my kids.

The school district my child attends has a board policy in that teachers are not allowed to assign homework until third grade. With that said my son is in first grade and does not officially have homework, but brings home a practice worksheet with several activities to complete in order to reinforce the weeks lessons. We are not required to complete the worksheet, but I work with my child to complete it. I feel that this is not homework, just reinforcement to aide in the student's learning. I don't see anything wrong with assigning homework as long as it is reasonable for their grade level. I would be a concerned parent if I felt it was too much homework coming home. Children need to know that homework is a part of school. I don't know about you, but I had homework when I was in elementary school and I know my parents did not complain about the homework being sent home.

My concern with your plan is simple - when will your child learn necessary basics required to advance through the rest of their education? If you think that schools these days are able to provide enough education to cover even simple basics, you have another thing coming.

If anything, you may want to do homework to make sure your child is actually learning something. I would suggest expanding on it - use school curriculum as a basis to expand your kids knowledge and sense of wonder. If they are learning about ancient Rome for example, use the opportunity to expand on it by reading more, visiting Rome (via Google Earth or through videos)... If they are learning fractions, make cupcakes and have kids figure measurements based on certain change in the recipe...

Don't shoot me, just my 5 cents worth.

P.S. While most teachers may take this well, you will create some disturbance which in turn will cost your child. If you want to implement a no-homework rule, then fight through the school board, not over your kids backs. If you decide to enroll your kids into school, you should follow their program - it is unfair to teachers and other parents that you are only taking parts of the program that you like.

If you want to have full control over your kids education, then home school.

I think I love you. This is exactly how I feel. My daughter has just started pre-school. She's in school for over 6 hours a day and on top of that she's supposed to do work at home. Quite a bit as she is supposed to keep up with kids who have already been able to read before even starting pre-school. After school she is soooo tired. I am a big believer in free unstructured play and I want her to be able to spend time with her younger sibling, too. I also don't want for all the quality time that I can spend with her to be based around structured learning. I grew up with half-day school. We went home between 12 and 1. Yes, we did have homework, but not a whole lot and not until we were 8 or so. I just don't believe you can have the kids in school pretty much all day AND give homework at the same time. It's not fair on kids and it's not fair on families.

I am against busy work homework but using more learning in daily life. Katie's K teacher gives a packet to do weekly but some is count the steps between... reinforcing skills from school but making it something to deal with the real world. In college I had trouble with math but the class I finally was allowed to use was applied math. We learned about math in the daily world and had to find something where math was used. I found out about the timing of street lights and really enjoyed math in that way. We also learned about USB codes and what they stand for. I loved it. Every subject deals with life, why can't homework deal with life? Allow projects of the child choosing so they are interested and will learn more

Don't like homework or the education system how does HOMESCHOOL sound

I teach 5th grade gifted and high achieving students. I agree with the author completely. Homework is nothing but a waste of time. I do provide enrichment activities, but these are optional, ungraded, and usually take the form of contests such as essays that can win scholarship money or science projects for Week of the Ocean. The families are free to decide how time is spent outside of school.

Spot on Heather. Check out my article 'Homework - Education's Biggest Scam - http://jimbakersonlinelearning.co.uk//Homework%20-%20Education's%20Biggest%20Scam%20.pdf and my Prezi 'Evidence that Homework does not Improve Learning' - http://prezi.com/opl9tpu1yn1z/evidence-that-homework-does-not-improve-learning/

I hope 'the powers that be' shall soon listen and act.

Best Wishes

While I don't disagree that homework can be overwhelming and, depending on the school, nearly useless, I don't agree with a letter to the child's teacher. Mainly because I don't think my child deserves any more or less than any other child in his class, and acquiring some kind of special-snowflake status for him would be more to his detriment than having him do the twenty minutes of busywork.

Children need to keep busy and they need to create. They also need to learn that there are jobs for everyone, that they need to do what they're asked as well, and there are certain parameters of behavior within which they need to operate. Homework is not about corralling a child's imagination, or dampening their enthusiasm, or anything of the sort. It's an education in doing as you're asked, learning what's expected of you, and letting sink in the lessons of the day.

If one is adamantly against homework, I would suggest homeschooling, which would seem to fit better with your philosophy in general; or a school with a no-homework policy. But making your child the exception to the rule does not seem like an acceptable answer to me.

I did not do homework in elementary school. We would get the odd project but they were always more fun than work, like collect leaves or make a family tree. I feel that not having homework at that age made me more independent. I also see that I was more capable of solving problems and more creative. Today when I go to homes of friends with children I see that most of the time the parents do not have the time or patience to help their child with homework. This is because the parents have to get dinner ready as well as do things around the house that could not be done because both parents work. As a child I spent my time outside riding my bike, climbing trees and playing pretend. I am shocked how little time children now spend outside. When I have kids of my own I will not be helping them with homework after school I will be watching them play and enjoy their childhood as all children should be. I would also like to add that not doing homework in elementary school did not set me up for doing poorly, I was always a good student and had great grades and graduated with over a 4.0 gpa. ~From a very successful kid that did not do homework

What I have a real problem with is the "homework" that requires shopping and heavy parental participation! If homework is assigned, it should be something the child can do on their own with minimal support. I agree kids need time for other things, like being a kid, which too many over scheduled children do not know how to do! And preschool or kindergarten homework, ridiculous! That should be limited to "find something at home that starts with the letter A and bring it to school tomorrow". But I understand the value of learning to get tinto the habit of the studying after school routine. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Why can't the homework be about applying what you've learned to your homelife as a young child? Like a choice of come in tomorrow and tell us about the book you read last night, or draw a picture of something that makes you happy to share tomorrow, etc. Let's not start with things that make school and learning agony. That's how it was for me, I hated every minute of it. And I still earned 2 BAs in 4 years, sadly I could not stomach anymore!

Please update us with the teacher's response.

I think that the reason that you haven't had much resistance on the subject from teachers is because most teachers agree. Research shows that homework at such a young age does nothing to improve scores or achievement, and only sets a president for homework in the future. The ten minute rules was put in place by Marzano who researched the topi and found many teachers were over killing. It also is nice to have at hand when parents ask for more. That where the issue stands: 1) many parents feel if their kid isn't doing homework, they're not being supportive at school. I give little homework and I'm always asked to assign more from parents. 2) when I don't assign homework, I'm thought of a bad teacher. 3) not all children Jae the structured home you seem to have. Patents often rely on the homework to keep the kid out of trouble when they're working or dealing with siblings. I would find your letter a bit conduced ding. Again, most teachers would probably agree. It would take little convincing. I'd like to use it to send to my parents though.

All we can say is LOVE.....LOVE LOVE LOVE this and completely agree. (And I was a teacher) You are not alone!!

Sounds like homeschooling would be a perfect fit for your family - then they can have abundant time to live an abundant life as a child! 🙂

[...] for the child to dig into the things that most interest him. She writes a very compelling case: https://www.heathershumaker.com/blog/2012/09/12/why-we-say-no-to-homework/ (found on my FB page).I read her post last week, just moments before stepping out of my home office [...]

This is excellent! I hated that the schools pushed homework on kids at such a young age. Even in preK there was the "fun"work sent home and I balked at it big time. Whenever there was an event at school and I expressed my displeasure about homework to other parents I was always meet with odd looks and many parents disagreed with me. Kids need to be kids! A six year old does not need to write a paper on a president or a 9 year old does not need to make a poster about the way modern cars are better then ones from the 30's. I am so glad there are other parents out there that know children are suppose to learn to be kids and not mini adults.

It's interesting that in our school district our kids' elementary school and middle school have completely opposite homework cultures. The elementary schools buries them in homework from day one while the middle school is adamant that homework should be limited. The amount is minimal and it isn't heavily weighted in the final grades.

When my daughter, a straight A kid, was in fifth grade, she had 2-3 hours per night of homework! When she entered middle school, it dropped down to about 30 minutes + about a half hour of trombone practice because she was in band - so an hour tops. She still aced all of her subjects without the massive homework drain on her time. She's also much more pleasant (imagine that).

My son's in first grade at the same elementary school and I cut him off after 30 minutes regardless of whether he's done or not. That's all I'm willing to invest at his age and anything more is just ridiculous. I will not tolerate 2-3 hours in elementary school ever again.

I believe that each school has a homework culture, likely set by its administrators plus all the state and federal mandates. Teachers also have some leeway despite whatever culture has been established.

My daughter's second grade teacher was extremely open to letting her turn in optional assignments. For example, my daughter hated homework and it was a major battle. Meanwhile, in her spare time, she loved learning about countries and drawing their flags. She'd make entire illustrated books about individual countries! When I showed her teacher these notebooks and explained that homework was crushing her love of learning, she totally agreed and said she'd accept any creative works in lieu of homework. Amazing. So, start with the teacher and work your way up the chain if necessary.

Very compelling article! I just posted a link on my FB page and am curious what the response will be. Thanks!

I think it was in the 70's that parents wanted homework for their children. Now days I hear from almost every parent that Homework is not worth it, it takes too long, cuts out family time, the parent ends up doing it, etc. I wish that the clock could be turned back to how it was before it changed in the 70's! I think kids learn better when the subjects are liked not pressured on them, and there is time to explore them. Instead they are rushed through just to get scores/ grades. Homework is usually dreaded by the student and parent. I totally agree 6 hours of school should be enough time for structured learning, actually home educators can teach all subjects in about 4 hours. It makes you wonder about the public schools hua? Maybe the schools really feel they have to give out homework because they can't teach all they need to in those 6 hours because of the big classes they have, and they feel inadequate. Who knows. I wonder how we all as citizens/ parents could change this homework policy nation wide? Frankly I hate how schools are slowly becoming the parents of our kids, When are they going to let us parents be the parents of our children?!?!?! Yay for the ones who have already put the no homework policy in their families to work, and hooray for those teachers/ schools who let them!

As a mother, I welcomed homework for my children. My children came home from school, had a snack, played outside and did their homework after dinner.

I monitored their homework assignments but did not help them unless they didn't understand a subject and were perplexed. At times one on one was needed for them to understand a concept. Many times I was able to nip a potential problem in the bud so my children would be able to succeed in a particular subject. It also gave me an idea of their progress of learning the subject matter.

After their homework was completed (20-30 minutes) they would continue their playtime.

Completing their homework assignments taught them a sense of responsibility, seeing an assigned task completed and gave them a sense of accomplishment.

Too many parents today use the excuse that "children have to explore and find themselves" so that they don't have to spend 20-30 minutes of their time overseeing their children do homework. It's much easier to just send the children out of the house than to spend time with their children while they do a homework assignment.

Twenty minutes of my children's time to complete their homework did not restrict them from having enough playtime to explore their surroundings and expand their curiosity.

When my children were in high school they would come home, grab a snack and proceed to do their homework. Their sense of responsibility that started in elementary school, served them well through college.

My children are now grown and successful in their careers and thank me today for their wonderful childhood memories.

That is wonderful, however the children of "today", would be very grateful to receive only 20 or 30 minutes of homework everyday. That would be "great"! First graders are bringing home 3 or 4 hours of homework. They are exhausted and sometimes cannot get to bed early and get proper rest. It is getting ridiculous these days, and things need to change for the sake of the stressed out children and their families.

Very interesting. My daughter just started kindergarten. I have another daughter who has graduated. I will tell you as a full time working parent - I do NOT like home work even a little bit. Not to mention by 3rd or 4th grade - I can't remember 1/2 the stuff they are learning without reading it for myself or re-learning it. I also hear there are some "new ways" math is being taught that is quite confusing for the parents, although I have not yet had the pleasure of experiencing this yet. I do not personally agree there should be NO home work. I do absolutely agree that there should not be homework assigned every night and lots of it. Some teachers - some schools assign a home work packet on Friday which is due the following Friday or Monday that is due the following Monday. This allows the student and parent to work on it as their schedule permits. This I am 100% for. This way you plan the home work based on your schedule for that week. If you know you have dance class one night or a soccer game or going away for the weekend -you can plan your week accordingly. This way you are still spending time with your children and being participating in what they are learning and taking an active interest - but you are not forced to do it each and every night when you may get home from work - run to dance class come home eat dinner - do baths, clean up and then fit in home work. Makes for a better experience for both the kids and the parents. In kindergarten there isn't a bunch of homework - but so far September we were assigned math for a month and in October we have do do 8 stories (3 sentences each) - and draw pictures for each story. Worked on it tonight - but tomorrow night I know I have no time. I like being able to do as the schedule permits instead of trying to figure out how to get it done each & every night. That's my vote. Unfortunately some teachers will assign homework every night - I will probably be one of those parents who write a note and ask for it on a weekly basis instead of a daily one.......

After reading your post, I was taken back that I wan't the only person who thought homework doesn't have place in my home. Thank you for speaking up.

I heard about this book on the radio and it reminded me of your post and I wanted to share it. It's called The Homework Myth. http://www.alfiekohn.org/books/hm.htm

Instead of banning homework, everyone who disagrees with the homework practices in this country should get together and ban standardized testing and work to raise awareness about child poverty. That is what has created the homework craze in this country. Parents who cannot or do not support their children's learning and have abdicated parental responsibility to the public school system need to step up.

i have tears in my eyes as i write this. my son and i are barely speaking because i feel he is too hard on my 9 year old grandson with his homework. my son is under a lot of stress and i get that but last night my grandson got here at three oclock and they started right in on homework. i walked away, went outside and just tried to stay away.we ate an early supper because my other grandson had a football game and we were going to it. so aaron finished hi hw at 415. then my son got a call from his exwife that they had sent a whole sheet of paper for aaron to do and to study for a test the next day. we took the sheet with us and his book and the WHOLE ball game he had to do hw. well even tho i never said a word my son was frustrated and took it out on me and i responded back so as i said we are not getting along and he said he wasnt even going to do his hw around me anymore which is ok with me. but my grandson spent from seven thirty in the morning until eight thirty at night doing hw. how much do you think he likes school?

I actually just wrote the letter to my son's first grade teacher letting her know my thoughts about homework as there was a very condescending letter to families in our folder about the benefits of homework. My son is already freaked out that he will be unsucessful in school if he does not complete his homework. (he is still only 5! He turns 6 in November). she has managed to sway him to her opinion and now I have to unsway him to mine! =(

BRILLIANT!!! BRAVE! INSPIRING!

I love this post! I also loved your book, which was by far the most useful parenting book I've ever read. You actually provided tools and effective words to use -- wonderful!

I'm a former high school teacher, and I assigned plenty of homework. If I did it over again, I would assign much less after all the reading I've done on education and unschooling. I pulled my son out of preschool because they did too much academic work and not enough free play, and yes, they had homework. He had just turned three! I plan on homeschooling him for this and many other reasons. I think this letter is wonderful, and if for some reason I do end up sending my son to school, I might have to copy it word for word!

I see the pros and cons to having and not having homework. My husband is a teacher. I am a retired RN who has done a bit of teaching myself. We have a two year old little girl that I now stay home with. Having said that, I help my husband grade tests occasionally. (I grade the multiple choice questions and he grades the open response.) They always upset my husband to have to grade because he knows what a lot of the tests will tell him...the students failed. It makes him feel horrible and like a failure as a teacher, but I have to remind him it has nothing to do with his teaching ability, and everything to do with the laws and regulations. He teaches upper level high school science classes. You would think, teaching upper level classes, he would have students who were more advanced, but that isn't the case. I remember one student, from years ago, that broke my heart. She was taking anatomy and physiology...but couldn't even spell her own name. Why in the world would you put a student, with such a profound disability, in an anatomy and physiology class? It makes no sense!!! But, with the NCLB Act, she had the right to take that class because every child should have equal opportunity. But yet, what does that do to the other students? They have to repeat lessons over again in different ways so that the students who have learning disabilities can try to catch up. Yet, will they ever even start to catch up? If someone can't even spell their own name, can they ever truly understand the concept of cells, and genetics? With that said, he always has TONS of homework to grade and class work. The reason for all of this homework and class work isn't necessarily to enforce and encourage learning at home. It's much more simple that than, because he doesn't even grade the homework. If the student does the homework and turns it in, they get full credit for it. The homework then gets put in OUR trash can. So why does he do all of this homework? So more children can pass the class. He has them do all of this homework so he can pass children he knows would never pass the class otherwise. Do I fault his teaching for this? No. He has one biology class that half of the students are special needs students. His special needs students range from profoundly limited IQs (some have an IQ as low as 30), to autistic students, to ADHD students whose parents don't think they need medications. He even had a blind student one year. Once he got in trouble by the superintendent for allowing a student to hide under his desk during class. (think lab tables) He did his best to explain to the super that the reason for this was autism and the student was severely overstimulated. Then there are the children that won't sit still due to ADHD. Those sit at the back of the class and get up to move around as needed, which in turn disrupts the other ADHD students who need to do something. But you can't space them out in the class room because it would disrupt everyone. To top it off, due to where he teaches, you have frequent fights/disputes between students. He once had his fish tank shattered because someone with a defiant personality put his fist through his tank trying to beat up someone else. But oh, he couldn't break up the fight because, as a teacher where we live, he isn't allowed to use any form of physical contact. To break up the fight, he has to get the campus police involved to help. Now, with all of that going on, he has to teach a class of students and teach on a level that encourages those with a lower level of understanding to continue and believe they can achieve the same as the other students, and has has to teach on a level that encourages those with a higher level of understanding to reach to their highest potential. I'm sorry, my rant is over.

My son has been homeschooled his entire life. In the early grades (prior to about grade 7) we were able to complete his day's schoolwork in a little under an hour a day. Every year, he tested at several grade levels ahead of where his peers were in every subject, so we know that he was not missing anything. When not working on school work, he was exploring his own interests - playing with other children, playing games with me, doing artwork, practicing guitar and recorder, and playing on the computer.

Even when he reached grade 7 level, and even now in 11th grade, he does not spend more than 4-5 hours a day on schoolwork, and continues to at minimum keep pace with his peers. So much of his life, and his opportunity to explore his own interests would have been taken away had he had 7 hours in school, and then to come home to homework after that.

I definitely agree with the writer of this article in that children need time to explore life outside of homework.

I am curious as to what the blogger and other commenters think about kids who like to do homework. My daughter loves to do homework and is excited when she brings something home to do. She is in first grade. She can't wait for spelling tests to start so she can bring spelling words home to practice. She has me make up spelling words for her to practice until then. Should I not allow her to do something she enjoys?

Of course you should allow your child to do homework or whatever activities she prefers to do after school. It's your child, your family and your time.

Likewise, other parents should enjoy the same right to decide what after school activities their children and their families prefer, including whether or not to participate in homework assignments.

As a mother of two, and a first grade teacher, I can absolutely see both sides of this. Here's my question. The only "homework" I ask of my kids is to practice their spelling words for a few minutes each night, and two nights a week they take home their reading book to read the story to their parents. I send home a list of spelling words and suggested that the parents just ask a few words while setting the table, driving to practice, taking a bath, etc... I don't want them sitting at a table reciting like little robots.... The story takes MAYBE five minutes for my slowest readers... my higher level readers it takes maybe 2... The reason I want them to read what I'm sending is because it goes along with the skill we are learning. *Plus many of the kids in my district have no access to books at all* And I really suggested that they use this in conjunction with bedtime stories... just throw it in there! Parents can read right along with the kids.. What are your thoughts on this? I'm honestly wanting constructive criticism here lol!

by kids I mean my students... lol... I call them my day shift kids... and my own children are my evening shift kids ha!

Sorry not read all the other comments too many of them. I'm wondering if you've ever considered removing your kids from school and unschooling them? Unschooling is basically your kids doing what you believe they should be doing outside of school, but the get to do it all the time. It's what we are doing and the kids are thriving.

It is possible to teach the children what they need. In a Montessori classroom there is again 1 teacher for every 24-30 children. The kids never get homework. There are public montessori schools also. I think they teachers also have to look for new ways to teach the children. It makes no sense that they know the system doesn't work so they keep using the same approach. Where we live we have a horrible public school system, but we do have teachers working to change it and they have made a real difference in some of our local schools. My son is attending a Montessori classroom and is in kindergarten. Most of his work is between a 1st and 2nd grade level. He is smart, but not extraordinary. He just has amazing teachers.

As a teacher I totally agree with this. I too believe that the only homework a child should have to is read every day and spend time with their family. Unfortunately my school does not have the same view as me and I am required to send home as much homework as the rest of the grade.

I just read almost all of the comments and as a mother of three children all in elem school 10 years and younger, I have to say I am compleatly overwhelmed each and every night with the amount of homework we have to do. I do not feel absolutly no homework is a good idea because like my 2nd grader he has a spelling test every Friday so every Monday the list comes home and (12 words) every night he has to do something to practice these words like say the word, cover the word, write the word, or write the word out-lining in different colors etc. This seems good he has yet to get less than an A on his tests and is a great speller. But I feel this should be the extent of his homework per night. Instead on top of that he has two two-sided math sheets, reading log, and a worksheet to fill in a period, question mark etc. to me this is crazy! he is only 7 years old it is easy for him but the bottom line he gets upset because he just does'nt want to do ANY MORE school work. He wants to play now. Now X that by three and we are up to three hours a night going from one child to the next. Now as a parent and telling my child he does'nt have to do ALL this homework I feel will be more harmful than good because he will be "that kid" who never turns in his homework, or behind in the class because he was'nt prepared. I would be interested to know what states everyone are from that they send their children to schools who have the no homework policy. I live in NY and this would never fly. I tried speaking to the teachers saying when the child gets burnt out I will not make him compleat she said she understood. I have done it twice and both times my son came home with a paper for me to sign due to incompleat homework. Also for me as a mom doing three hours a night 15 hours a week not including weekends feel that any homework should be a recap of what they have learned, not me spending another 20 min on the computer looking up what the heck the teacher sent home because now adays I am not smarter than my 5th grader.......and he has no idea what the heck he's doing because it was not covered during class because they ran out of time, and I have no idea because half the things I have forgot and the other is all new, back in my day we said borrow today its regroup do everything the really long diffacult way and on top of it don't just show your work, write a sentance explaining what you did. One question takes 10 min to answer. The schools up in arms with parents who don't take interest in their child with homework may consider the teacher takes classes on the new teaching way! us parents are lost half the time I also don't have that extra 20 or so min to teach myself then go back and teach my child! I just may be busy making sure he has clean clothes to wear to school, their lunches made, spend time with my child reading to him because I want to not because I have to, maybe even just watching a show together. I wish there was some balance

I'm totally in agreement with this. I am terrified of what lays ahead for my child.... how the little flicker of genuine interest will be dimmed by terrible schools systems, and I can't afford to send my kids to private school.

The argument that 30 kids to 1 student is valid, but it is not the reason there is homework. I see many private and smaller schools model this and start giving homework in Kindergarten. It's about what they value. They may SAY that it's important in life to be a good person, to be happy, to be content, to know thyself.... but how much of their days is spent learning this vs learning endless (often useless) content. I actually think it is more important for my child to know himself than to know the three ships columbus sailed on or half the other stuff most of us forget. I am perfectly content with my children knowing less, reading later, and catching up in the long run.

Get so sad when I read on Facebook from friends with elementary-age children, statuses like this one: "Jess has been doing homework for over 4 hours and is no where close to done. Beyond ridiculous." This child is in the 5th grade, not graduate school.

in britain you only get homework in secondary school. you start secondary school at 11.

[...] Why We Say No To Homework  (Starlightning Mama) [...]

At last someone gets it. I am a senate candidate for an Australian Political party. Australia is in the process of trying to change the way children learn and teachers teach. I am finding that more and more school work is being off loaded in the guise of homework and less is being taught during school hours. A perfect example of this is the last week of school -because exams are over the children are sitting around in classrooms watching movies and writing about The Big Bang Theory and writing songs about rocks!!! Why can they not in this time work on studies and assignments in school time. The comeback of this is that children do not have the time or energy to pursue outside activities and have the opportunity to excel at their specialised choice of interest. I know first hand as I run a dance school and find as the children reach an age where serious practice and class time in dance are absolutely necessary they can not give this due to homework committements-bearing in mind they already spend forty hours a week at school. Having written to the education department not surprisingly the courtesy of a reply. I will be using this letter as an example of a policy I wish to persue within the Australian government to support this theory. This is not just an American issue but a universal one and I am grateful that you have had the courage to stand up and fight this as I intend to do.

I don't believe in homework for ANY child, including children ages 12 to 19. If you unschool your child, you don't need to ask permission from a school to allow your child's needs to be met. If you unschool your child, he can do all of the wonderful things nature intended children to do in order to learn organically, but ALL day. So while I applaud you for standing up to the school, you will find that as he gets older, they will make it impossible. They already have you convinced that magically at age 12 children would somehow benefit from having one to five more hours of sedentary mind control thrust upon them after school. Rescue yourself and your child now from the public school prison.

After being a teacher for 15 years, a homeschool teacher and a stay at home mom of 5, I see all points on this. I have to agree with the article. By the time my kids get home at almost 4:30-5, sometimes we have what is called a LIFE. Baseball, church, basketball, violin lessons, lunch at the table (EVERY night), and play/bed times. My middle schooler had triple the amount of homework both of the high schoolers had. There were times when he would just break down at night. He was up far longer than my 15 year old and now 19 year old. The use of homework is supposed to be practice. But if they already know what is being taught in school (because it is so watered down), then why do they have to practice? My youngest is my issue now-he has a disability and can not read well at all. So homework becomes a battle. Getting him to do anything after being at school from 7:10-4:30 (if you count bus ride there and home) is almost impossible. His brain is TIRED. My middle schooler and high schooler get up at 5 to catch the bus at 6 am!!! Homework becomes more paperwork. With my 15 year old-she needs the math practice but I don't think homework is accomplishing that. If she doesn't know it in class, she isn't going to know it out of class. We have had to hire tutors to help with math. Don't even get me started on lack of recess time with little ones-that adds to the problem.

How about ONLY three hours of "home" work a day? If you would really like to see your child succeed and exceed your's and their expectation's, try HOMESCHOOLING!! Then, you can have one-on-one time with your child...... him/her learning from and with you, finish in about three hours, and see what a great time you have with all that free time!! The benefits are literally innumerable!!

Heather, I totally agree with you about kids and homework. I wish I had approached my own kids' teachers about this issue when they were in school. Life with them goes by so quickly, and I agree that they need "home learning" far more than homework! I shared this on my social media accounts. Such an important post!

Re-read the article and sent my "we don't do homework" letter to his teacher. I also had the lovely task of letting her know, I wouldn't be signing off on the behavior calendar that was being sent home each night. A star for good behavior. If your child was talked to several times over the course of the day, a number was written in the box as to which rule they were not following. It was demoralizing to me to have to see that, I can't imagine how it would feel to a child. Our school is supposed to be the "responsive" classroom type. =(

Good for you! It is tough to be an advocate for your child. See if you can find some like-minded souls in your local area.

Great article. Our kids' school (k-8) has a no homework policy up to grade 5, so we wholeheartedly agree!

The only way your child or children are going to learn is by doing homework. Dancing in the forest isn't going to help your child/children learn at all i would have to say I'm 100% yes on homework.

My son is in 1st grade and he has math and spelling homework each night. He brings the new packet home every Monday and we work on a page of math each afternoon and practice our spelling. He gets home from school at 4. He has snack and watches about 30 minutes of one of his favorite shows and we sit down to do the homework. It takes maybe 15 to 20 minutes at the most. He still has time to go to soccer practice one day a week and cub scouts one day a week. He also has time to play outside and pursue his own fun activities at home. I come from a family where responsibility is taught early on. I value hard work and I am teaching my son to do so as well.

I disagree. Homework in elementary school is practice for the future. If kids do not develop the study skills early it will be hard for them to adjust later. Homework in high school and college is vital to success. In fact once you get to college the actual amount of "homework" is quite small. You are expected to force yourself to spend many hours a week studying for every class. This is hard for many kids, but because they are used to working outside of class it doesn't come as a total shock. Letting kids be kids and have imaginations is very important, but you also can not tell them that it is okay to not do homework. They could take this attitude with them later in school and run into some real problems. As soon as they get out of elementary school teachers aren't going to care about a letter from their mom saying "we don't believe in homework". Your kids are going to have to go from 0 to 60 way too fast. They will reach middle school and have all of this homework all the sudden and won't have developed the study skills or patience needed to do it.

Nope, I don't agree with you. 20 minutes of homework max plus 25 minutes of reading does NOT prevent my elementary aged kids from also getting outside, doing a few activities, doing a few chores, eating dinner, having down time, and having books read aloud after school. I think the belief that the little bit of homework assigned to younger kids prevents them from play is quite a stretch.

I love homework. Everyone benefits from practice, and it also gives me a way of checking in/ knowing what they're learning at school. Do what you want, but I hope schools don't cower to the vocal no homework crowd. I see a lot of value in it.

My experience is very different from yours. I watched my daughter go form being so enthusiastic about school and the opportunity to learn, to really resenting having so much of her grade being based on how much she could tolerate busy work that did not add to her learning experience in any way. Not all homework is created equal. The Saxon math we've seen in elementary school is well designed to reinforce concepts and practice critical thinking in a short amount of time, but really the only value to doing it at home is so parents can give individual instruction if a child is struggling. On the other hand, requiring a child to write her spelling words three times after she has already completed a perfect test of the list (making up a homework assignment that she clearly didn't need to do to master the standard) is not only a waste of time, but teaches children that "learning" (I mean what else is school for?) is boring, mindless repetition. So for us its more a balancing act. We have to ask the teacher "Why are you assigning this homework? Show us how it contributes to learning." If they can't justify it, I don't allow it. I feel I have to do this so my daughter isn't completely put off school before she finishes elementary.

This is ridiculous. Your child isn't any more or less special than any other child in the class. Why do you get special treatment because you don't like it? What are you really teaching your child? That when every other student has to turn in homework or face consequences, your child just gets to sit there and smile because you don't believe in it. I doubt your child is doing what you listed. Instead, I picture them sitting on a computer, watching television, or more than likely participating in eight million extra curricular activities. Really, you don't want homework because it interferes with your plan for the evening. Enthusiasm for learning isn't ruined by homework. It is ruined by parents who constantly tell their children how wrong their teachers are. If you hate homework, then home school. Don't put it on the teacher. The real problem is that in this day an age every parent thinks their child is the only child in the classroom and the only parent the teacher has to deal with. They aren't and you aren't. There are often thirty other students and thirty other "parents who care" in a classroom. The teacher doesn't want to hear your ideas about homework. If she did, she'd ask.

If parents don't stand up for their beliefs and their children than who will! Of course it is her job to speak up to the teacher, and hopefully the teacher will take her feeling into consideration not only for her child but for the teacher's entire class!

I agree with you. Although I think the idea of a homework free classroom is a great proposal for a school as a whole, your child is going to be the only one in the classroom who doesn't do homework. How do you think that's going to affect him? He's not going to have any more time with the teacher than any of the other kids, and since they're all doing extra work at home, they're going to be way ahead of your child by the end of the year. He's going to feel completely behind and left out. I doubt it will make him feel privileged or superior. It will likely have detrimental effects on him and his grades will probably suffer as a result. Sure, half an hour doing homework is time I'd love to be able to spend with my child playing or doing chores, but I'd much rather sacrifice that time knowing hes learning and he won't be the odd one out in his class than see him suffer academically and socially because I wanted an extra half hour to see him playing. Heather, I'd appreciate hearing your response to this.

You're awesome!!! I wish you were my mum. I hated school and homework always stressed me out even more. I agree that young kids should have freedom. Childhood is getting shorter and shorter as it is and adults always regret not doing things in their youth.

Heather, I agree with all your points. And I'm happy to know there are people like you in this world, you are brave and I admire that. I'm trying hard to reduce homework loads in my kid's school with little success . I have think about doing exactly what you did, but I'm not sure of the school reaction and how that could affect my child. What I want to know is, what happened after you submitted your letter to the school?

I am a mother of two, and I am a school teacher. I think homework should not only be limited in elementary school but also in high school. My high school age student wakes up at 6 am, goes to school at 8am, gets out at 3pm and does homework till 9pm. She only takes a brake to eat with the family. She is not able to play sports, join clubs, or go out for the school play because she has too much homework. Her homework extends into the weekend and pushes her to tears regularly. She had homework throughout her school career and it didn't prepare her for not having any down time, not having time to socialize, not having time for fun! She is still a kid and needs time to enjoy her life. My high school daughter has actually said to me, "If I didn't have so much homework, I would have time to study." Homework is more harmful than helpful!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im a homework mom.

playing is great and should be encouraged!! But great habits are harder to learn as an adult!! my son takes half hour to do his homework and what I find is education is a positive thing in our home. He is a knowledge seeker and there is nothing wrong with a little homework

if your child has a hard time or cries it is probably because they don't understand I have had and still have that problem it is not a negative it requires solution. when he is on a new thing he will tend to get emotional but threw guidance with it is normal he overcomes

my son learns better when he understands! much like me much like you. Get them to sit for couple mins each evening if we as parents show them importance of knowledge, understanding, asking questions, education etc. they will grow to appreciate it and sky is they limits 🙂 yes at elementary age 😉

Just like to as do al 5 / 6 year olds get some kind of homework ?

Not all, but the practice is increasingly common. Most US schools now have homework for kids starting in Kindergarten.

Yeah one more people agreeing And I think that we, teens, (I'm 13) need homework even less! I hate random people saying No to the ban of homework.

I tend to just implement any "homework" as family time. We do it together and that's what the school promotes. I like the window it gives me into seeing what they are learning anyhow. But maybe we've just lucked out with a school where I find the assignments are reasonable.

I agree with you 100 percent. In my kids' school, they start giving out homework in 1st grade. My youngest daughter has an 1 hour to 2 hours of homework every night except Fridays. It is incredibly stressful and we can't do anything on the weekdays because of it. When my older daughter was in that school in first grade, all the parents each wrote a letter to the teacher saying that we banned homework in our homes. Unfortunately, we got a letter back from the teacher saying that we weren't allowed to ban homework and if our kids didn't do it, she would fail all of them and have every one of them repeat 1st grade. It's frustrating but short of pulling my youngest out of school (I want to, but husband is 100 percent against it.) there's nothing I can do about it. My oldest daughter now goes to Junior High and they only give out 15 minutes of homework a night. It's pretty sad when a 12 year old has less homework than a 8 year old!

I'm curious at this point in your children's educational careers, in I'm assuming a public school system, the affect of your no-homework policy stance. It seems you posted this a few years back? I don't mean academically I mean how has taking this stance against an authoritative figure in their lives, panned out for them in the school setting and in other settings? More specifically has your decision taught your children that when we disagree with something we take a stand, prove why we don't want to do it and then just don't do it? I don't like every aspect of my job but I don't tell my boss I'm not doing it (even if I try to say it nicely or back it up with logic). I feel like a better solution to your issue is to choose a private school that has a no homework policy or to homeschool. Homework is the way of the public school system, right or wrong, it's the public school system way!!! (which personally I tend to agree with you. Homework is overrated! I feel it should only be used in moderation and for areas that need to be an extension of the school day). However, teaching your children avoidance as a way to achieve your means seems like a task that might have other repercussions. Fighting a homework policy is a much bigger issue than your child's classroom teacher. Every public school system follows state standards, most standards are taught within the confines of the school day but some may have to be reinforced at home. To each his own, but when I made the decision to allow the public school system to educate my children; I taught my own children to be obedient and follow the rules because isn't that a valuable lesson in life? It's my job to teach my child how to respect authority just as much as it is my job to balance their free time!

I realize this blog post is older, but I would still like to make a few comments, as it is now popping up as a link to view on Facebook. 1. When my oldest was in elementary school he struggled with reading (particularly in 2nd and 3rd grade). I would fight with him for hours trying to get him to accomplish his 20 minutes of reading. I finally decided it was not worth our relationship to try to get him to read and quit. Later (after listening to books on tape with the novel in hand following along), he developed a love of reading and now reads voraciously. I realized later that I was not providing him with books that were at his level, and this was frustrating to him and to me. 2. I now teach 1st grade, and I see a STRONG correlation between students who report reading 20 minutes a night and students who perform well on the timed DIBELS reading test that we give. When parents tell me that they struggle with getting children to do their homework, which consists mostly of reading 20 minutes, as well as a few worksheets they can choose do for a tiny portion of extra credit, I commiserate with them. It is a fine line to walk between encouraging students to get their homework done and maintaining a relationship with the child. Would I encourage a child NOT to read? NO! I want all children to perform reading as well as they can! 3. One problem I see in what the author has claimed: if you are reading, why will you not acknowledge that reading on the teacher's tracking page? It seems a simple enough thing, how does acknowledging what is already occurring detrimental to your child? How is refusing to acknowledge a teacher's missive beneficial? How can reading 20 minutes a night impact a child? See this visual: http://schenkgr4.blogspot.com/2013/04/why-read-20-minutes-pinterest-inspired.html 4. While I am certain that you likely believe and follow through on what you are doing as learning play with your child, there are many parents who say that they believe this, but their actions prove otherwise. There are many parents who would claim "NO HOMEWORK" and then refuse to read with their children, play with them, or structure their time in any way. One way to encourage parents to read with their students is to make it "homework." 5. I agree with others that the "make an exception" policy you are encouraging is asking for special treatment for your child. One parent I had said that they did not bring their work home and felt that their child should not have to, either. They read at home, spend family time together, and that is enough. I encouraged the parent to read the provided book with their child (since they were reading anyway), and turn in the weekly reading log, which I was assured would happen. Then that parent never turned in any kind of consistent reading log, and rarely had the child return the leveled take-home book. Later, concern was expressed that I asked him quietly (as I did all children) where his book and homework were as they came in the door. The student's growth began to stagnate, while others who were returning their take-home books and turning in reading logs grew exponentially. (By the way, many professionals are required to work outside their contracted hours to accomplish all their work.) 6. I tell students and their parents that one of the reasons I ask them to do something at home that resembles school is because I want the students to recognize that learning happens all the time outside of school. The idea that all learning should occur within the walls of a classroom is ridiculously absurd, and yet that is far too often the practice in many homes: school is work, home is play, learning is hard work to be done during school. Is it any wonder that parents who adopt this attitude often complain that their child does not want to come to school? I work hard to make learning in my classroom fun, but it is not nearly as fun to a child as say, the latest Xbox or Wii game. If only they were complaining that they would rather stay home and read a book!

Jeni, I read your comment and had some thoughts on some of your points. 1: I think this is common. 2: When I was in 1st grade (in the 80's) I couldn't read. I had been read to since birth. My family is full of readers. My great great grandfather was a famous writer and editor back when school was barely a thing. My mom had shelves full of books, more then some small libraries. But I couldn't read. I was forced to sit in the hall while my classmates played games. I was told to finish my reading work. But I couldn't read so how was I going to do that? Eventually it clicked and I read everything. I was reading well above grade level. You don't say what you do for children who have trouble with their reading homework. However, if they are not ready to read forcing it on them can do more harm then good. Are you informing your parents that reading TO their child counts as reading homework just as much as the child doing all the reading? 3: Writing it down makes it work. It makes it much harder and you are no longer reading for fun. You can't get lost in the book. You have to remember to write down the time you started, the time you finished, the page numbers. Ug. If it were just a check box next to 'yes, reading happened' then it wouldn't be so bad. 4: Kids NEED unstructured time. That said, the aforementioned check box is helpful to remind some people. It really varies depending on the person. 5: It shouldn't be a 'make an exception' policy. It is a statement. If everyone, or even the majority of parents in a school did this it would change the whole policy. Then it wouldn't be an 'exception'. On the reading log see above. The log is the only 'homework' I am ok with. However it is hard. We read just before bedtime. If we bring the log upstairs it doesn't make it down in the morning in the mad rush to not miss the bus. If we leave it downstairs it doesn't get filled out. It's just a LOT harder then you make it sound. Singling out a child for something their parents are having trouble with of course is going to make them feel bad and cause them to stagnate. 6: Yes, learning does happen all the time. It doesn't happen just on worksheets. Even Xbox and Wii have things to be learned. My family is currently playing a Wii game that encourages teamwork and problem solving skills. We also do dancing games in the winter when we can't go outside, those encourage physical activity (which makes brain connections as well as the better known benefits of exercise), learning the beat (pattern recognition), and exposes them to a variety of musical and dance styles (social studies). So yes, I agree, learning happens all the time. My 4th grader would rather stay home and learn how to build things, bake, and yes read, then go to school and be made fun of for 8 hours a day.

I am an educator and a mom, and I completely agree with this post! Thank you for putting it out there.

I was a child who did not get homework until middle school (both my brother and I went to an elementary school that forbade it) and I deeply disagree with you and believe you are doing your child a disservice. While I enjoyed not having homework for the first twelve years of my life, it was not worth the sharp adjustment that I and my peers faced when we entered middle school and found ourselves surrounded by more disciplined students who had completed homework at a younger age. These students had already struggled with time management and come to terms with the fact that the world did not revolve around their interests. For those of us who had never had to prioritize it was suddenly sink or swim, and many more of us sunk than swam. Many (a disproportionate number, I'm sure) gave up on school altogether and embraced the sinking. You see, entering middle or high school does not instantly un-write years of being told that when the school bell rings and you go home then you no longer have any responsibilities and can do as you please. It just makes you resentful of the new infringement on your freedom and thrusts you into a no-win situation where you are struggling with something that everyone else has already mastered. God help you if you find the subject matter at all challenging! Looking back, I would have traded the years of freedom for homework in order to save myself the tears, discouragement, and despair I faced in middle school. I think that parents who hate homework are really just being selfish because enforcing a homework policy also infringes on the parents' freedom and makes them the bad guy. I hope, for your little one's sake, that you rethink your stance sooner rather than later.

Thank you! I put my 8-year-old into the neighborhood school while she waits to get into my other daughter's Waldorf school. The part few days, now only 11 days into school, I have gotten home from work at 6, bought take-put good instead of making a home-cooked meal, and worked with my daughter straight from 7-9pm. I had to ignore my other daughter. My daughter could not play, interact with her sister, or do anything else today but sit at school, attend after-school care, and do homework.

The reason I think that most people disagree with what you did is that they (a) have one parent who stays home who can help the kids on their homework right after school, and/or (b) the kids have a reasonable amount of homework. Thank you so much for writing this. I am going to take your letter, morph it a bit, and turn it in with Friday's homework. I don't mind having her do some, but my limit is 15-20 minutes, and no more.

Wow. It is obvious to see that everyone has a definite opinion on homework and schoolwork and how and where our kiddos learn. One, for those of you putting a teacher down for not teaching your children during those seven hours away and forcing them to do 20 minutes of homework, you need to take a step back and remember, you have one, two, or maybe a few more kids. You know their personalities, how they learn best, what they love and are good at and yes, for you, teaching your kids at home make take less time than at school but for a school teacher who has 20-30+ children, whom each has a different learning style, each has different family backgrounds on how much they are being taught in home, who each have different personalities and likes and dislikes and preferences, YES IT WILL TAKE THEM LONGER TO DO AT A SCHOOL. So give them a break! I agree that homework at a young age is not always necessary BUT there is value in it. It teaches kids responsibility, it keeps parents in the loop and it helps you as a parent know where your kids are excelling and where they are struggling. Some children need that extra time and some don't. But don't belittle the teacher for doing the best they can with your child. You have known and worked with your child for their entire life, the teacher is just meeting this little person and by the time they feel like they are really getting each and every one of the kids in their classrooms then the year will have ended and they have to start all over again. I don't think whether a child having homework or not having homework is really the issue. The issue is more what each family feels is essential for their child's growth and development. And for the record, homework doesn't ruin the school experience! It is normally a combination of other factors. Difficulty in learning, immaturity, the occasional horrible teacher, bullying, etc. In all the years my kiddos have been in school, their 20 minutes a night has never led to "I hate school!". Not once. So have your opinion but please do not teacher bash. Please respect each persons preference and have some grace. We live in an imperfect world where there really is no set formula for school that works for each and every child perfectly.

Some thoughts about what No homework Means by a father who gave up a career in advertising in NYC to raise his daughter from the age of 3 months until she graduated college:

1. Kids won't be bringing their textbooks and notebooks home each night parents will have no idea what is being taught in the classroom. No idea if the teachers are teaching history and current events accurately or are pushing their own political and social agendas. There would be no transparency and no check on the many teachers who rewrite history and color current events.

2. Parents will be removed from the process of educating their child, clearly leaving that unfettered role to government, unions and individual teachers. Parental check and balance will be eliminated.

3. No homework to do when a child gets home means that homework will no longer be able to teach responsibility and the setting of priorities - that the things you need to do should be done before doing the things you want to do. Homework also teaches them its OK to ask for help and guidance from their parents when they think they need it. It further allows parents to be aware of and monitor their child's educational progress, to see first hand their child's learning strengths and weaknesses, and to take corrective action without having to wait for a teacher's evaluation.

2. No homework means that that conversational icebreaker on how their child's day went socially will have disappeared.

3. No homework means that children will not be practicing what they were supposed to have learned that day in the classroom, at their own pace without peer pressure.

4. No homework doesn't mean kids will be playing out doors until they're called in for dinner like they did in the 50's and 60's. Its more likely that they'll be totally unproductive indoor couch potatoes playing with any one, or all, of their 21st century electronic devices. If the mothers against homework are so concerned about outdoor play time, why don't they get daily recess put back into the school day and have daily before school "get in shape and stay in shape" programs added.

6. No homework means that America's children will fall even further behind the children in countries like Shanghai-China, Singapore, Japan, South Korea, and Hong Kong - China where parental involvement and supervision is so un-21st century America. American children who will be less and less qualified for those high paying careers that demand scientific and mathematical excellence.

7. And of course no homework means less work for teachers and those overworked over socialized mothers who have little time for their kids anyway. No homework won't mean that teachers will teach more or better or that parents will spend more time with their children in learning and growing activities. In far too many homes you're more likely to see mom, dad and the kids at the dinner table with each intensely involved in their personal electronic device. The only sounds to be heard would be forks scraping on plates and fingers stabbing at key strokes.

Thank you so much for each of these points. As much as I was swayed emotionally by the original article, your comments are thoughtful and reasonable and convince me homework really is important.

Wow, you are assuming quite a lot from a simple lack of extra hours of schoolwork at the end of the day. First of all, amazingly, there are parents out there who are able to communicate with their child without a list of pages to read and worksheets to fill out. There are also parents out there who make the time and take the effort to find out what their child is learning and how they are doing without 50 math problems, 36 pages of reading, a social studies map to make and a poster, due tomorrow. What most parents discover during those times is that their children are tired; lacking sleep and crucial time to engage their bodies the way children need to do. While 15 minutes of homework for a 6 year old is no big deal, hours of homework IS a big deal. No homework will not suddenly mean that children will start carrying their phones to the dinner tables in engaged homes any more than having homework will stop them from doing it in neglectful and distracted homes.

At the end of the day, homework or no homework does not significantly improve or detract from parental involvement. Parents who intend to neglect their children, parents who are too busy to read to their kids, parents who allow their children to sit in front of a computer, t.v. or video game all day ***WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO WITH OR WITHOUT HOMEWORK. Homework is not some magical cure all for parental disengagement. Those parents who don't care enough to be involved with their children, their learning, and their moral and character development won't suddenly change their ways because you slap down three math worksheets, a reading log and some science questions. Many of those kids will come home, throw their books on the floor by the door (if they even brought them home) and play video games for the rest of the afternoon, no matter how many letters you send home.

Now, parents of children who are engaged, concerned with learning and are actively parenting their children… well, those parents are going to enrich their child’s life no matter what the teacher in some school is doing. Those parents find time to take their kids camping, go on a nature walk with a field guide to birds, purchase sheep’s hearts from educational companies to enrich their kid’s understanding of how the heart muscle works, buy circuit kits for the kid who loves engineering so they can learn about open and closed circuits, polarity and charge, take their kid to see paintings at the National Gallery of Art by artists like Monet, Van Gogh and Pollock that they have been reading about. But, if there awaits copious amounts of homework, those enriching activities have to be curtailed so that the child’s grades don’t suffer; so that they can pass a test that absolutely shows nothing of how well equipped a child is to succeed in life.

That, my friend, is why responsible, engaged parents want less or no homework for their children. It is HIGHLY doubtful that the neglectful, disengaged parent even knows what homework, if any their child has done- or failed to do. Of course my examples are through my experience with friends and their children. I have chosen to homeschool my child. My child doesn’t hate school. He still has to do some worksheets and tests (not his favorite) but since so much more of what we do is hands on (see the above activities that my 6 year old has done in the last 2 weeks) he doesn’t automatically associate learning with endless amounts of busy work, paper and sitting still. A love of learning should not be sacrificed to teach responsibility. That’s what chores and pets are for.

Awesome! I wish more parents would do this. As a retired teacher I agree completely. I never believed in homework when I was teaching but was forced to give it to my kids. Back then, I could get away with having "Mom or Dad read a story to me" as a homework assignment. The system put a stop to that one too. In England, elementary children do not get homework. They have other things to do after school. I learned this from a colleague who did a teacher exchange one year. Good for you!

When Your Clients Don’t Do Their Homework

Often it's the practitioner's fault. here are solutions..

Posted October 20, 2018

Other career coaches and counselors consult with me about how to improve their practice. A common concern they raise is, “What should I do about clients who don’t do their homework? This is what I tell them and is what I do with my clients.

Make sure the client is both willing and able to do the assignment. At the end of the session, ask, “So what homework assignment do you want to do?” That helps ensure that the client is motivated to do it and that it's appropriate in length and difficulty. Generally, you want to accept their self-assigned homework. That said, if you have a concern, tactfully raise it, for example, “That sounds challenging. Think you’ll be able to do it, with or without help?” Or, "I’m wondering whether you think it might be more useful to do X, perhaps in addition to what you propose? What do you think?”

Once the homework is agreed on, if I have some doubt as to whether the client will do it, I ask, “Pretend we’re in Vegas. What would be the odds you'll do the homework: even money? 10 to 1 in favor? 10 to 1 against?’ If the client answers anything less than 10:1 in favor, I ask, “How could we make it 10:1 in favor?” Common client responses are, “Put it in my calendar for a specific time,” “Get my spouse to nag me about it” or some such. If the client doesn't come up with an answer that leads them to say, “Yes, it’s 10:1. I’ll do it,” I suggest changing the assignment, I break it down into baby steps, or ask, “Where do you see getting stuck? Then, of course, I try to help.

When they don’t do their homework

First, I try to diagnose why they didn't do their homework. When they say, “I’m sorry but I didn’t do my homework,” I say something like, “That could occur for a number of reasons: you simply were too busy, it was too hard, you ran into a roadblock, or the homework ended up not feeling as worthwhile as when you said you wanted to do it. Any of those operative with you?”

If the client says s/he was busy, I'll typically say something like, “Were there less important things you found time for? I'd follow up with, "Why do you think you did that?"

If the client says the homework was difficult, we troubleshoot that.

If s/he got stuck with a particular part of the homework, we try to solve that.

If s/he says that the homework didn’t feel worth doing, we analyze why. Perhaps the more the client thought about the career direction s/he was to explore, the less interested s/he was in it. Or perhaps, deep down, s/he doesn’t want to work. If I assess the client’s not having done homework is mainly laziness or not really wanting to find a job, I tend to be firm, saying something like, “If you’re not going to do your homework, it may not be a good use of your time and money and my time as a career coach to keep working with you. What do you think?” Especially if the client hasn't done the agreed-on homework twice or three times in a row, I might be even tougher and say, “For your sake and mine, you need to do the agreed-on homework. If you don’t, we’re going to discontinue our sessions.” Sometimes, niceness works, sometimes accountability with teeth.

The takeaway

A client’s success heavily depends on doing homework between sessions. Too many coaches, counselors, and therapists are too nice when a client doesn't. They too readily let the client off the hook, for example, “I understand. You must have been busy. Let’s proceed and hopefully you’ll do the next assignment.” Such a response makes the counselor and client more comfy but doesn’t necessarily help the client move forward. It’s usually wiser to take the time at the end of a session to be sure the homework assignment is appropriate and if the client fails to do it, to troubleshoot and then consciously decide whether the wise response is support or tough love.

Marty Nemko, Ph.D ., is a career and personal coach based in Oakland, California, and the author of 10 books.

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At any moment, someone’s aggravating behavior or our own bad luck can set us off on an emotional spiral that threatens to derail our entire day. Here’s how we can face our triggers with less reactivity so that we can get on with our lives.

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How to Help Your Sibling with Homework

Last Updated: April 15, 2024

This article was co-authored by Alexander Ruiz, M.Ed. . Alexander Ruiz is an Educational Consultant and the Educational Director of Link Educational Institute, a tutoring business based in Claremont, California that provides customizable educational plans, subject and test prep tutoring, and college application consulting. With over a decade and a half of experience in the education industry, Alexander coaches students to increase their self-awareness and emotional intelligence while achieving skills and the goal of achieving skills and higher education. He holds a BA in Psychology from Florida International University and an MA in Education from Georgia Southern University. This article has been viewed 38,155 times.

We've all been there—a younger (or older) sibling is struggling with a school assignment and asks for help with their homework. While it can be flattering to be asked for help, and often fun to work on an assignment together with your sibling, sometimes it's tough to know how best to help them with their homework. Finding the time to work together with your sibling can be difficult, but also rewarding. You can help your sibling with their homework by monitoring their efforts and helping them when they struggle, and also by making sure they stay focused and take breaks when needed.

Preparing to Help with Your Sibling's Homework

• Which subject is your sibling working on? Are they writing an essay, or solving multiple-choice questions?
• Look over a hard copy of your sibling's assignment. If they're confused, read over the assignment with them.

• “What don't you understand about the assignment?”
• “What methods did the teacher ask you to use when you work on this homework?”
• It may be the case that your sibling misunderstands a small point, and once you explain this to them, they will excel on the rest of their homework.

• Have your sibling schedule their homework for a single block of time, before dinner, and without TV or other distractions.
• Don't wear yourself out with helping your sibling. Try to avoid helping with their homework every day; limit yourself to two or three days a week.

• For example, your sibling may prefer to work in the relative quiet of a bedroom or study room.
• Alternately, they may prefer to work in the busy and stimulating atmosphere of a kitchen or dining room.
• If your sibling is in high school or college, you could take them to a coffee shop or café and help them work there.

Working with Your Sibling on Homework

• Show your sibling the error they have made, and ask if they have ideas about how to fix it.
• If your sibling does not understand a core concept of the assignment, explain it to them, but do not complete the homework for them.
• Come up with a model or example of a problem similar to the one your sibling is struggling with, then ask them to think through the example you created and solve it. You may be able to find such models and examples online, as well as tutorials that walk you through the process, which can be a helpful learning tool.

• While you're working with your sibling, say things to encourage their work, such as, “You're doing a great job; this is a tough subject to work on,” or, “I'm proud of how much progress you've made so far.”

• Explain the topic to your sibling and ask them to create a drawing about the term described. This is especially useful in fields like math or science.

• Youtube has a wealth of instructional videos. Start here, and branch out into other sites if Youtube does not have what you're looking for.
• This will work for siblings at any level—there are many useful instructional videos for high-school (or even college-) age students.

• Rather than simply handing out answers, explain the concept underlying your sibling's homework, and see if they can work out for themselves how the problem should be solved.

• Suppose your sibling has 1 hour of homework. Break for a maximum of 10 minutes after half an hour.
• Eat a healthy snack. You may have fruits, juice, milk, or crackers in your break time. Have a light snack and start with your assignments again.

Letting Your Sibling Learn for Themselves

• Ask your sibling to explain the answer of a problem. This will test if they understand the problem for themselves, or are just parroting your answer back to you.

• For example, if there are three similar math problems, you could show your sibling how to solve the first one, and let them solve the second and third problems on their own. Note if the subsequent problems get more difficult and make sure your sibling understands how to complete the additional steps, if applicable.

• A local public library. This will have books and reference materials that can help your sibling learn more about any subject.
• Useful websites. Aim to find academic reference sites that your sibling can refer to. Focus on sites that end in .edu, .org, or .gov as .com sites are commercially based and may provide biased information.
• For younger children, show them where they can find school supplies such as pencil, paper, crayons, and markers in the home.

Expert Q&A

• Finish with the difficult assignments first. Ask your sibling to do the easier work later on. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Do not ask your sibling to finish their homework right after they get home from school. Let them take a few minutes to rest, have a snack, etc.—then start the homework. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Make sure to leave yourself enough time to complete your own homework, if you're still in school. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

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• ↑ Alexander Ruiz, M.Ed.. Educational Consultant. Expert Interview. 4 August 2020.
• ↑ https://www.noodle.com/articles/managing-homework-help-from-older-siblings

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Dad asks for help with daughter's homework - and even math graduates are baffled

A dad has been left utterly baffled by a children's math homework question so perplexing that even those with math degrees are finding it tough to crack. In a bid for clarity, the desperate dad turned to the internet for help, confessing that the conundrum was driving him to the brink of insanity.

He posted: "So yeah. My daughter said she needed help with her homework and this mystery number **** is about to make me lose it." The befuddled parent shared the brain-teasing worksheet on Reddit , where it quickly racked up over 250 upvotes and nearly 200 comments from equally puzzled users attempting to unravel the numerical riddle.

The puzzling prompt states: "Mr. Ruis gives his class clues about a 6-digit mystery number. The 3 is in a place that is 10 times greater than the place of the 0. The 1 is in a place that is 10 times less than the place of the 0. The 4 is in a place that is 10 times more than the place of the 3. The 9 is in a place that is 100 times less than the 1. The 2 is in a place that is 10 times more than the 9. What is Mr. Ruis' 6-digit mystery number? ".

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In an attempt to solve the question, one user speculated: "Oh I thought it was 921034. But now I realize that bigger numbers are on the left, lol.", reports the Mirror . To which another replied: "I have a math degree and did the same thing." Another chimed in saying: "I'm a CS major, apparently my brain is little-endian and so is yours."

One user chimed in on the daunting homework assignment, saying: "They gave her a zebra puzzle for math homework? That's messed up. This is just the math version of Einstein's riddle." Another dove into solving it, saying: "I know there is a 3 and a 0 and that the 3 must be directly to the left of the 0 since its place is 10x greater than that of the 0 (30)."

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Then they continued, offering this solution "Now I need to add a 1 and since its place is 10x less than that of the 0 it must go directly to the right of the 0. (301). Now I need to add the 4 directly to the left of the 3 since its place is 10x greater than that of the 3. (4301)."

"Now I need to add the 9 which is "tricky" since its place is 100x less than that of the 1 so it needs to be 2 spots to the right of the 1. (4301_9). Now to fill in the blank with the 2, which fits in with the clue that the place of the 2 is 10x greater than that of the 9, or in other terms 1 spot directly to the left of the 9 (430129)."

In response to their detailed breakdown, one fellow user gratefully responded: "My kids are in preschool. I'm 44 years old so the way I learned math is different. I'm saving this post to help me out with his homework years from now." Another seemed convinced by this logic, declaring: "This sounds pretty logical."

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Does he have a responsibility to help everyone around him – even if they don’t ask for it?

Dear Amy: Which is the default position regarding asking for help versus offering to help?

For instance, let’s say I’m at work and someone walks past my desk several times, carrying a big box each time. Assuming that carrying the big box is part of their job, do I stop doing MY job to offer my assistance, just because it is the polite thing to do? Or since the person obviously sees me each time, would the onus be on them to actually ask for help if they truly needed it? (I would gladly help, by the way.)

If I purposely look for it, I see lots of people throughout my day potentially in need of assistance (loading groceries into their car, reaching for something on a high shelf, etc.). But without them requesting help, I feel like I could be spending my days constantly helping others with their daily lives as opposed to doing the things I need to do for myself.

Is it my responsibility in polite society to assume that people in need are too shy to ask for help, and therefore I should always be offering it? If I need help, I ask! I know every case is different, but I’m kinda looking for a default position. “If you want my help, just ask!”

— Passively Helpful Guy

Helpful: If you are using a defibrillator to jump-start someone’s heart when a big-box-bearing colleague walks past, then by all means — carry on with what you’re doing. If you’re staring into space, pondering the perfect salutation for that next email (hmmm, ‘Hi There’ or ‘Dear Friend’?) and someone’s passing by carrying a big box, then I think you should make eye contact and ask, “Can I give you a hand with that?” The way you frame this dilemma, you seem to believe that if you pay too close attention, you could spend your days leaping up to help strangers. Okay! Sounds good — and Amen to you.

Unlike you, not enough people ask for help when they need it. So yes, you should be the person who offers to fetch something off a high shelf, offers to hold the door for a parent pushing a stroller, or offers to help if someone seems to be struggling to carry a box across your field of vision. Let this be your “default” position. In my opinion, asking for help is an extremely important act. In addition to possibly receiving assistance, the person asking for help also grants a nice guy like you the opportunity to offer it.

Dear Amy: My son “Aaron” is 6 years old. Aaron’s grandmother “Omi” is deceased, and his grandfather has remarried a woman Aaron always previously addressed as “Miss Helen.”

I’m wondering: Is it okay to force a child to address a step-grandma as “Grandma” before he is ready? His grandfather feels that since he has married Helen it is disrespectful for his grandson to address her this way. I think that whatever way Aaron feels comfortable calling her should be fine.

Currently, whenever he slips up, his grandfather tells him how disrespectful he is. I’m afraid of what might happen if he keeps slipping up, and what punishment his grandfather might deliver. Your opinion?

— Upset Mother

Upset: I agree with you that a 6-year-old child should be gently introduced into a family transition and not punished if he doesn’t quite catch on to the new program. He is 6! The immediate — and probably lasting — consequence of this pressure will be that “Aaron” will most likely choose not to address his new step-grandmother at all, for fear of slipping up.

His grandfather’s harshness will not inspire respect, but timidity, and possibly fear. Aaron will then choose to avoid these two adults, which is an instinctive and rational reaction to their behavior. And patterns and relationships established in youth have a way of sticking.

These grandparents need to realize that while it is easy to demand respect, commanding respect takes time, patience, and setting a positive example. This grandfather is failing, and when Aaron starts avoiding him, the grandfather will claim not to have the slightest idea why.

Dear Readers: Before I show myself out at the end of June, I’m delighted to make way for your newest advice-giver: R. Eric Thomas, whose “Asking Eric” column will continue to foster the engaging relationship we’ve shared. Eric is young, smart, and a talented advice-giver — formerly of the Dear Prudence column.

You can help Eric get started by sending your questions to [email protected].

© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.

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