what inspires you college essay examples

Passion Unleashed: Conveying Your Enthusiasm through the ‘What Inspires You’ Essay Prompt

The essay prompt “What inspires you?” is a fantastic chance to show off your personality and leave a lasting impact on college and scholarship applications. This straightforward query has a tremendous impact since it encourages you to explore your interests, goals, and motivations.

The skill of writing a fascinating answer to this question will be discussed in this blog, along with tips on how to discover your genuine passion, some essay examples, and make a lasting impression on your application. It’s an opportunity to connect with readers personally, break free from numbers and statistics, and show how your influences have developed your character and motivated your goals.

Let’s go on a self-discovery journey and discover how to communicate your excitement to capture the attention of people who hold the key to your future success.

Best Ways to Convey Your Enthusiasm through the ‘What Inspires You’ Essay Prompt

You can use several efficient techniques while responding to the essay prompt, “What inspires you?” to demonstrate your zeal in a convincing and sincere way. Here are some of the more effective ways to answer this college essay:

Be Particular and Unique

Focus on what fuels your enthusiasm rather than offering a general or generic response. Give examples of your own stories, interactions, or experiences that had a lasting impression on you. By being particular, you help the reader see your tale and enable them to relate to it more deeply.

Show, Don’t Just Tell

Instead of merely declaring that you are enthusiastic about something, show it by your actions and accomplishments. Talk about the efforts, projects, or activities you’ve done to follow your interest. Highlight any honors, accolades, or significant accomplishments you have earned along the road. The reader will be more convinced of your sincere passion if you can provide concrete examples of your commitment.

Think about Why

Think about the reasons your chosen source of inspiration speaks to you. What principles, ideals, or character traits does it support? What impact has it had on your perspective or your objectives? You demonstrate a higher degree of awareness and dedication by looking deeper into the motivations behind your enthusiasm.

Link Your Future Aspirations

Link your inspiration to your future goals by describing how it motivates you to pursue success in the future. Describe how you plan to have a positive influence or effect change in regard to your interest. Draw a picture of the future you want and how your passion will help you achieve your objectives.

Use Evocative Language and Narrative Tactics

Use descriptive language to construct a clear picture of your experiences and feelings, and use narrative strategies to draw the reader in. Create a compelling and motivating tale by using storytelling strategies. A well-written essay that stirs the reader’s emotions and imagination is more likely to have a lasting impact.

Be Genuine and Authentic

Last but not least, stay loyal to yourself. stay honest and sincere. Showcase your distinct voice and perspective while writing with passion and honesty. Instead of attempting to predict what the reader wants to hear, concentrate on speaking your own truth. Your essay will stand out from the competition because of your genuineness.

By employing these techniques, you can successfully answer the essay prompt “What inspires you?” while positively impacting the reader and displaying your sincere enthusiasm and drive. Recall to be particular, demonstrate your commitment, consider your motivations, relate to your goals, use vivid language, and be true to who you are.

Also Read: Defining Moments: Exploring The ‘Significant Experience’ Essay Prompt

Example of ‘What Inspires You’ Essay Prompt

Essay Prompt: “What inspires you? Discuss a person, event, or idea that has significantly impacted your life and explain how it has shaped your aspirations.”

My grandmother is someone who has profoundly affected my life and always ceases to inspire me. I saw her steadfast courage, tenacity, and undying love while she faced hardship as a child. She endured a great deal of difficulty, including financial difficulties and the death of loved ones, yet she never lost her spirit or her will to improve things for herself and her family.

Despite obstacles, I will never forget my grandmother’s unwavering commitment to pursuing her degree. She was raised in a period and place where it was taboo for women to pursue higher education, yet she bucked convention and did so. Her dedication to studying and personal development showed me the significance of education as a tool for opportunity creation and self-empowerment. I personally witnessed how education changed her life and gave her the skills she needed to escape the cycle of poverty.

I have a profound respect for the importance of resiliency, education, and perseverance as a result of seeing my grandmother’s path. My desire to pursue a profession in teaching with the goal of uplifting underprivileged youngsters and giving them the means to overcome their situations have been influenced by her tale. As my grandma has been for me, I want to be a source of inspiration and support for young people going through similar struggles.

In closing, I would want to say that my grandma has always been an inspiration to me because of her strength, fortitude, and commitment to education. Her tale has molded my desire to have a good influence in the field of education and assist others in overcoming hardship. I’m inspired to carry on her tradition by being as tenacious, passionate, and unflappable as she has been throughout her life.

To help you out further, here are some of the common app essay examples.

Some of the Common App Essay Examples

Examples of essay prompts from the Common Application are provided below, along with some ideas on how you could respond to them:

• Essay Prompt:

 “Some students have backgrounds, identities, interests, or talents so significant that they feel their applications would be completed without them. If this describes you, kindly share your experience.

You might decide to concentrate on a significant element of your background, identity, passion, or ability that has significantly influenced the development of your personality or experiences. Discuss your beliefs, objectives, and worldview in relation to this factor using personal anecdotes.

2. Essay Prompt:

According to the essay prompt, the lessons we learn from the challenges we face might be crucial to future success. Tell about a time when you had to overcome a difficulty, failure, or setback. How did it make you feel, and what did you take away from it?

Describe a particular difficulty or setback you had and how it affected you. Talk about your original reaction to the circumstance, any insights or lessons you learned from it, and how it affected your personal development, resiliency, or problem-solving abilities.

3. Essay Prompt:

According to the essay prompt, reflect on a period when you questioned or opposed a notion or idea. What made you believe that? What was the result?

Describe a time when you used critical thinking to challenge an ingrained notion or social convention. Describe the circumstances that led to your reflection and the method you used to challenge the notion. Think about the result and if it confirmed your prior view, provided a fresh angle, or suggested more research.

4. Essay Prompt:

“Describe a problem you’ve solved or a problem you’d like to solve,” is the essay prompt. Any issue that is significant to you personally, no matter how small, might be an intellectual challenge, a research question, an ethical conundrum, etc. What does it mean to you, and what measures have you taken or may be taken to find a solution?

Decide on a topic or subject that speaks to you and explain why it is important to you personally. Describe your approach to the issue, any study or analysis you did, and the actions you took to solve it. Discuss options for reaching a resolution or bringing about positive change if the problem is still present.

Also Read: From Personal Story To Powerful Essay: Crafting A Compelling Narrative For College Admissions

Keep in mind that they are only examples, and it’s essential to pick a challenge that enables you to highlight your distinctive experiences, viewpoints, and hobbies. Customize your essay to showcase your beliefs, goals, and personal progress while capturing the reader’s attention with a gripping story and insightful reflections.

Follow these approaches and pave your way to get into your desired college!

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Rostrum Education comes highly recommended to anybody looking for help writing compelling essays. We offer priceless advice and help during the writing process because of their extensive essay writing experience. Our staff of knowledgeable mentors assists students in idea generation, effective essay structuring, and composition revision to produce engaging and compelling narratives. Your essays will be interesting, skillfully written, and specifically designed to highlight your own voice and experiences, thanks to Rostrum Education’s devotion to individualized attention and commitment to quality.

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134 Yale Essays That Got In

Updated for the 2024-2025 admissions cycle.

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Nestled in New Haven, Connecticut, Yale University is an Ivy League institution that provides students with an exceptional educational experience. Students at Yale may benefit from the University's highly regarded academics and research opportunities, diversified campus culture, world-renowned professors, and extensive choice of extracurricular activities. Yale's dedication to quality extends far beyond the confines of a typical institution, with renowned undergraduate, graduate, and professional programs, as well as world-class museums and libraries. The school’s interdisciplinary philosophy is best captured by their motto “Yale is and.” Indeed, at Yale, students are encouraged to study multiple disciplines and see how they interact; for Yalies, it’s about studying fields like biology and sociology — not one or the other. As such, Yale University—with its lively student body and devoted staff—provides an exciting, challenging, and creative learning environment for students from all walks of life.

Unique traditions at Yale

1.Bulldog Days: This tradition is held annually in the spring and is a multi-day event that provides prospective students an opportunity to experience and explore life at Yale. 2.Freshman Shirts: A tradition where incoming freshman each choose a unique shirt and wear it on the Wednesday of Bulldog Days. 3.Heave Ho: At the end of each spring semester, Yale students gathered outside Dwight Hall and wait for a shared count of three. Then, with 3 cheers of “Hip Hip Heave Ho!” the entire Yale community school throws their hats in the air. 4.The Gold Rush: In this tradition, competing teams of Yale undergraduate students race around the Yale campus while pushing a shopping cart with two passengers on board. 5.The Stephen S. Roberts Memorial Run: A 13-mile march offered to all incoming freshmen that follows historical events and locations related to the Yale community.

Programs at Yale

1) Yale Women in Business: A student-led organization with a mission to foster an inclusive and supportive network of women at Yale who are passionate about business. 2) Morse College Writing: A yearlong program of small-group seminars focused on the study of the craft of writing. 3) Chapter 16: A club devoted to the study and directed discussion of Yale's Literary Magazine, Chapter 16. 4) The Chinese Language and Culture Program: An intensive language program focused on introducing beginners to conversational Chinese through conversation and culture courses. 5) Yale Debate Association: A student-run organization that provides students of all levels with the opportunity to improve their debating skills through a variety of competitive and educational activities.

At a glance…

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Real Essays from Yale Admits

Prompt: what inspires you.

Unfinished stories. They’re a reminder that life isn’t neatly defined by chapters, and that I have the power to choose the meaning and impact of events and find ways to improve upon them.

Essay by Rosie

Statistics & Data Science + Ethics, Politics & Economics (and Musician?) @ Yale :D

Prompt: What is something about you that is not included anywhere else in your application?

The freedom of a Hibachi buffet is amazingly powerful. Ice cream, beef and broccoli, a dozen dishes of fish—it’s a veritable choose-your-own adventure novel. For me, Yale holds even more appeal. I want to gorge myself on Yale's "Writing About Oneself" course—it focuses on self-exploration through literature and theme introspection, something I wish to do with my own writing. My palate is not bound to English foodstuffs—I also want to devour Yale's "Democracy and Sustainability" course. Through my urban community farm, I have seen firsthand the importance of sustainability but have seldom been able to study it at my own school. Yale's undergraduate curriculum combined with its two-week shopping period will allow me to freely explore my many interests—letting me discover myself in the process.

Essay by Python Chen

I'm an aspiring author from Nashville. I love reading & writing, playing video games, watching anime, cooking, and letting my undiagnosed ADHD lead me on a wild ride everyday!

Prompt: What is it about Yale that has led you to apply?

Visiting campus, I learned Yale students were exceptionally passionate. Yalies raved not only about the world-renowned academics, but also their adventures in the arts, volunteering, and athletics. Additionally, I saw that residential communities’ fascinating guest speakers and social events transform dorms into lively homes. As an institution, Yale fosters student enthusiasm. Through class shopping, students explore their many interests before committing to a course. Also, many classes are seminars, proving that Yale has plenty of opportunities like any large university, but maintains the intimacy of a small college. Finally, I love that the Yale spirit is intelligent and collaborative. Students are both brilliant and appreciate others’ strengths. Yale is the perfect place for me to pursue my passions, surrounded by other Yalies doing the same.

Essay by Michelle

Yale grad who loves renewable energy, travel, and the arts!

Prompt: Yale’s residential colleges regularly host conversations with guests representing a wide range of experiences and accomplishments. What person, past or present, would you invite to speak? What would you ask them to discuss?

To rapper and Pulitzer Prize winner Kendrick Lamar: How do you balance telling your own personal stories and addressing social issues in your music?

Essay by Nikhe

History student, poet, and Succession-fanatic @ Yale

Prompt: You are teaching a new Yale course. What is it called?

Computer science: an alluring juxtaposition of problem-solving and art. It transforms me. When I’m meticulously debugging code, I’m 8-year-old me, manipulating the faces of my Rubik’s cube to return it to its original configuration. When I’m fervently typing away lines of code, I am a craftsman, painting on the canvas I call the IDE-software-application. When I’m compiling code, I am a scientist, testing for sources of error.

Essay by Rose

Programmer and performer @ Yale!

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Someone with the same interests, stats, and background as you

Choose Your Test

Sat / act prep online guides and tips, 177 college essay examples for 11 schools + expert analysis.

College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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15 College Essay Topics & Ideas That Worked

Reviewed by:

Former Admissions Committee Member, Columbia University

Reviewed: 8/17/23

College essays need to inspire the admissions teams and get them excited about the idea of you joining their community. The college essay is your opportunity to show why you’d be a good fit.  

The college essay is the portion of your college application that best showcases who you are. College admissions officers are looking for the most authentic you; a good topic can showcase that. 

The prompts for the essay change year-to-year, so the topics can be hard to prepare for. However, here is some advice for writing your college essay where you can display your authentic voice and some topic examples to help you apply this advice.

15 Topics That Worked

Below are some college essay topics that stand out. Using these prompts can help you start writing a college essay for a stellar application! 

1. Write About A Time Where You Were Inspired

Where did you find your passion? Your inspiration for applying to a school or program is one of the main aspects of your application that admissions officers want to hear you express. Writing about these moments can make a great essay. 

2. Write About A Time Where Your Opinion on Something Was Radically Altered

Writing about a radical change in your worldview can display authentic growth that showcases your thoughtfulness and ability to grow as a person.  These two qualities can make a worthwhile addition to any college campus. 

3. Write About Your Life Trajectory Through Your Parent or Guardians’ Perspective

Nobody will know your journey and the impact events in your life have had on you better than your parents. Writing about yourself from their perspective can give a great birds-eye-view of who you are as a person and why you’re applying for this particular program/school. 

4. Write About One of Your Failures

Diving deep into a failure (whether personal, academic, professional, etc.) is one of the best ways to grow as a person. Writing about a failure, why you failed and how that failure changed you is a perfect topic because it displays growth, perseverance, and maturity. 

5. Write About an Extracurricular Activity That Changed You

Extracurricular activities are an important part of college applications. Writing about your profound relationship with one or multiple extracurricular activities can give new depth to your application. It can also make you stand out against others with comparable extracurriculars. 

Also, take time to discuss your summer activities. Ivy leagues look for summer activities , so make sure to highlight them! If you attended a summer program for high school students , colleges want to hear about it too. 

6. Write About Your Goals for College

Writing about what you wish to achieve at college as your essay topic can help you put together a distinctive college admissions essay. If your goals align with the goals of the program/school (which they likely do, considering you’re applying there), then it can show admissions teams that you’ll fit well at the school.

7. Write About Embracing Mentorship 

A mentorship transforms you through guidance and support. Delve into the impact of a mentor who shaped your journey and influenced your choice to apply to this college/program. Maybe you attended an internship for high school students , where you learned a lot. 

By sharing how their insights moulded your goals, you highlight openness to learning and thriving under guidance. This narrative reflects unique qualities like collaboration and growth valued by colleges.

8. Write About Learning from Cultural Misunderstanding

A single cultural misunderstanding sparks a journey of self-discovery. Recount an experience where a misunderstanding prompted questioning assumptions, leading to personal growth and a broader perspective. 

Show willingness to learn from challenges and embrace diversity. Through your narrative, show how empathy and understanding pave the way for connections and personal development.

9. Write About Embracing Unexpected Success

Success that takes you by surprise can change how you see yourself. Tell a story about a time you achieved something unexpectedly and how it made you rethink your abilities. 

Explain how this success proved your adaptability and determination, showing how resilient you are and how you're open to new opportunities. This experience lines up with the ever-changing college life.

10. Write About Reflecting on Thought-Provoking Quotes

Quotes are powerful sources of inspiration and belief-shaping. Dive into a quote that really resonates with you, and talk about how it's impacted your way of seeing things and your dreams. 

Dig into the details and effects to show how it reflects your introspective and critical thinking abilities. This highlights your curiosity and how your values align with the college/program.

11. Write About Driving Community Involvement 

Getting involved in community service can be transformative. Talk about how you took part in a significant initiative that changed how you see social issues. 

Reflect on how you contributed to positive change, which aligns with the college/program's values. Show your dedication to creating social impact and how you can contribute to the campus community.

12. Write About Embracing Change Through Adversity

Facing challenges can bring growth. Think of a tough time you overcame and how it made you stronger. Share the lessons, resilience, and positive changes you got from it. This shows you can handle tough situations and develop personally, qualities colleges like.

13. Write About Fostering Growth Through Cross-Cultural Friendships

Cross-cultural friendships broaden your perspective. Talk about how these friendships expanded your view of the world and influenced your educational goals. 

Show your openness to learning from diverse viewpoints and your commitment to global understanding. Highlight how you aim to enrich the campus environment through your experiences.

14. Write About Turning Passion into Action

Transforming passion into action shows your drive and commitment. Explain how your passion motivated you to take real steps within your school or community. Describe the tangible results to emphasize your readiness for leadership and positive impact. This aligns perfectly with the college/program's focus on proactive engagement.

15. Write About a Personal Symbol or Object

Personal symbols carry deep meaning. When you explore their significance, you reveal how they reflect your values and aspirations. Describe how personal symbols shape your identity and provide insights into your character and ability to reflect. This highlights your potential to make a meaningful contribution to the college/program community.

It might also be helpful to search online for some existing topics from the specific school/program you’re applying to. 

This way, you can understand what each specific school is looking for in the essay portion of the application. Whether you’re writing a supplemental essay , an optional essay , or a primary essay - it’s important to know what’s expected of you. It’s also important if you’re answering prompts from The Common Application -

What Is A Good Topic?

Unique college essay topics can be difficult to come by. It's essential to pinpoint the key influences that led you to this point to write a stand-out college essay . 

Start by asking yourself 'Why?' Why are you passionate about this? Why does it relate to the program you're applying to? These questions help form your 'why' statement. Honing in on your ‘why’ and finding your purpose will make for a compelling essay. 

Once you have your 'why,' delve into 'What?' Share past experiences and future goals that align with your 'why.' Think about challenges you've conquered, what interests you about the program, and what you aim to achieve. Connect these through a story that showcases your passion's evolution, challenges, and your program's role.

Authentic college application narratives start with genuine essay topics. Your topic should reflect your experiences and values, showcasing your authenticity and making your essay compelling to admissions officers.

Remember, there's no magic formula for an inspiring essay. A strong topic reveals your journey, how it transformed you, the problem you're addressing, and why it drives you. It might take time, as your passion is still evolving. What matters is not just the topic but where you stand on your journey. It’s also key to learn how to end your college essay . 

Reviewing examples of amazing essays is an excellent way to spark your creative thinking. By seeing how others have crafted their essays, you can gain inspiration and insights into effective storytelling, helping you generate your own unique and compelling ideas.

Good University Admissions Essay Topics FAQs 

Finding the perfect topic is a worthwhile journey of self-reflection. Below are some common FAQs to help you write about the best topic for you!

1. How Do I Find a Good Topic?

Think about significant moments in your life and how they’ve led you to this moment. If you can express why these moments are of significance to you and how they’ve changed you as a person, you’ve got a good topic. 

2. What Are Good Topics to Avoid?

Some essay topics to avoid include but are not limited to highly personal stories, stories with controversial subject matter, stories boasting about accomplishments and accolades, humorous topics, and stories exemplifying your luck or privilege. 

3.  Can You Reuse Topics?

It might be possible to tweak a college essay you’ve already written if another school’s essay prompt is similar. However, you shouldn’t anchor yourself to an essay topic you’ve previously written about. 

If there’s a prompt another college has offered you to write about and you feel that you can write a better essay with this prompt, then don’t be afraid to start from scratch!

4.  How to Decide Between Topics?

If different topics compel you and are compatible with the prompt, it can be hard to figure out which one might be better to write about. It’s important to remember that your essay displays you as a person. You should give preference for whichever essay topic you believe best displays your qualifications for the college/program.

Final Thoughts

The essay portion of your college application gives admissions officers a deeper understanding of who you are and why you chose to apply to this school and program. 

Make sure your essay topic is up to par in authenticity, as it can make a lasting impression on admissions teams. It’s also key to make sure it follows the college requirements . 

In 2019 , over half of admissions counselors ranked the essay portion of a college application to be of moderate to considerable importance. This means that your essay is as essential an aspect of your application as any other, and has the potential to make or break your application.

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12 Great University of California Essay Examples

What’s covered, essay #1: leadership, essay #2: creativity, essay #3: creativity, essay #4: creativity, essay #5: talent, essay #6: talent, essay #7: academic interest, essay #8: academic interest, essay #9: community, essay #10: community, essay #11: community, essay #12: community.

The University of California system is comprised of nine undergraduate universities, and is one of the most prestigious public school systems in the country. The UC schools have their own application system, and students must respond to four of eight personal insight questions in 350 words each. Every UC school you apply to receives the same application and essays, so it’s important that your responses accurately represent your personality and writing abilities. 

In this post, we’ll share some UC essay examples and go over what they did well and where they could improve. We will also point you to free resources you can use to improve your college essays. 

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Read our guide to the UC personal insight questions for more tips on writing strong essays for each of the prompts.

Prompt: Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time. (350 words)

1400 lines of code. 6 weeks. 1 Pizza.

I believe pizza makers are the backbone of society. Without pizza, life as we know it would cease to exist. From a toddler’s birthday party to President Obama’s sporadic campaigning cravings, these 8 slices of pure goodness cleverly seep into every one of our lives; yet, we never talk about it. In a very cheesy way, I find representation in a pizza maker. 

The most perplexing section of physiology is deciphering electrocardiograms. According to our teacher, this was when most students hit their annual trough. We had textbooks and worksheets, but viewing printed rhythms and attempting to recognize them in real-time is about as straining as watching someone eat pizza crust-first. Furthermore, online simulators were vastly over-engineered, featuring complex interfaces foreign to high-school students.

Eventually, I realized the only way to pull myself out of the sauce was by creating my own tools. This was also the first year I took a programming course, so I decided to initiate a little hobbyist experiment by extrapolating knowledge from Computer Science and Physiology to code and share my own Electrocardiogram Simulator. To enhance my program, I went beyond the textbook and classroom by learning directly from Java API – the programmer’s Bible.

The algorithms I wrote not only simulated rhythms in real-time but also actively engaged with the user, allowing my classmates and I to obtain a comprehensive understanding of the curriculum. Little did I know that a small project born out of desperation would eventually become a tool adopted by my teacher to serve hundreds of students in the future.

Like pizza, people will reap the benefits of my app over and over again, and hardly anyone will know its maker. Being a leader doesn’t always mean standing at the front of rallies, giving speeches, and leading organizations. Yes, I have done all three, but this app taught me leaders are also found behind-the-scenes, solving problems in unimaginable ways and fulfilling the hidden, yet crucial niches of the world. 

1400 lines of code, and 6 weeks later, it’s time to order a pizza. 

What the Essay Did Well

This is a great essay because it is both engaging and informative. What exactly does it inform us about? The answer: the personality, work ethic, and achievements of this student (exactly what admissions officers want to hear about).

With regards to personality, the pizza through-line—which notably starts the essay, ends the essay, and carries us through the essay—speaks volumes about this student. They are admittedly “cheesy,” but they appear unabashedly themself. They own their goofiness. That being said, the student’s pizza connections are also fitting and smoothly advance their points—watching someone eat pizza crust-first is straining and pizza is an invention that hardly anyone can identify the maker of. 

While we learn about this student’s fun personality in this essay, we also learn about their work ethic. A student who takes the initiative to solve a problem that no one asked them to solve is the kind of student an admissions officer wants to admit. The phrase “I decided to initiate a little hobbyist experiment” alone tells us that this student is a curious go-getter.

Lastly, this student tells us about their achievements in the last two paragraphs. Not only did they take the initiative to create this program, but it was also successful. On top of that, it’s notable how this student’s accomplishments as a leader defy the traditional expectations people have for leaders. The student’s ability to demonstrate their untraditional leadership path is an achievement in itself that sets the student apart form other applicants.

What Could Be Improved

This is a strong essay as is, but the one way this student could take it above and beyond would be to tell less and show more. To really highlight the student’s writing ability, the essay should  show the reader all the details it’s currently telling us. For example, these sentences primarily tell the reader what happened: “The most perplexing section of physiology is deciphering electrocardiograms. According to our teacher, this was when most students hit their annual trough.” 

Rewriting this sentence to show the reader the student’s impetus for creating their app could look like this: “When my teacher flashed the electrocardiogram on the screen, my once attentive physiology class became a sea of blank stares and furrowed brows.” This sentence still conveys the key details—student’s in the physiology class found electrocardiograms to be the hardest unit of the year—but it does so in a far more descriptive way. Implementing this exercise of rewriting sentences to show what happened throughout the piece would elevate the entire essay.

Prompt: Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side. (350 words)

For the past few years, participating in debate has been one of the foremost expressions of my creativity. Nothing is as electrifying as an Asian parliamentary-style debate. Each team is given only thirty minutes to prepare seven-minute speeches to either support or oppose the assigned motion. Given the immense time pressure, this is where my creativity shines most brightly.

To craft the most impactful and convincing argument, I have to consider the context of the motion, different stakeholders, the goals we want to achieve, the mechanisms to reach those goals, and so much more. I have to frame these arguments effectively and paint a compelling and cohesive world to sway my listeners to my side on both an emotional and logical level. For example, In a debate about the implementation of rice importation in the Philippines, I had to frequently switch between the macro perspective by discussing the broad economic implications of the policy and the micro perspective by painting a picture of the struggles that local rice farmers would experience when forcefully thrust into an increasingly competitive global economy. It’s a tough balancing act.

To add to the challenge, there is an opposing team on the other side of the room hell-bent on disproving everything I say. They generate equally plausible sounding arguments, and my mission is to react on the spot to dispel their viewpoints and build up our team’s case.

When two debate teams, both well-prepared and hungry for victory, face off and try to out-think one another, they clash to form a sixty-minute thunderstorm raining down fierce arguments and rebuttals. They fill up a room with unbelievable energy. After several years of debate, I have developed the capacity to still a room of fury and chaos with nothing but my words and wit.

Debate has been instrumental in shaping me into the person I am today. Because of debate, I have become a quicker and stronger thinker. Lightning quick on my feet, I am ready to thoroughly and passionately defend my beliefs at a moment’s notice.

This prompt is about creativity, though its wording emphasizes how students aren’t required to talk about typically-creative subjects. That said, it might take a bit more work and explanation (even creativity, one could say) to position a logical process as creative. This student’s main strength is the way they convince the reader that debate is creative.

First, they identify how “Asian parliamentary-style debate” differs from other forms of debate, emphasizing how time constraints necessitate the use of creativity. Then, they explain how both the argument’s content (the goals and solutions they outline) and the argument’s composition (the way they frame the argument) must be creatively orchestrated to be convincing. 

To drive home the point that debate is a creative process, this student provides an example of how they structured their argument about rice importation in the Philippines. This essay is successful because, after reading it, an admissions officer has no doubt that this student can combine logic and creativity to think intellectually.

One aspect of this essay that could be improved is the language use. Although there are some creative metaphors like the “sixty-minute thunderstorm raining down fierce arguments”, the essay is lacking the extra oomph and wow-factor that carefully chosen diction provides. In the second paragraph, the student repeats the phrase “I have to” three different times when stronger, more active verbs could have been used.

Essays should always reflect the student’s natural voice and shouldn’t sound like every word came straight out of a thesaurus, but that doesn’t mean they can’t incorporate a bit of colorful language. If this student took the time to go through their essay and ask themself if an overused word could be replaced with a more exciting one, it would make the essay much more interesting to read.

As I open the door to the Makerspace, I am greeted by a sea of cubicle-like machines and I watch eagerly, as one of them completes the final layer of my print.

Much like any scientific experiment, my countless failures in the Makerspace – hours spent designing a print, only to have it disintegrate – were my greatest teachers. I learned, the hard way, what types of shapes and patterns a 3D printer would play nice to. Then, drawing inspiration from the engineering method, I developed a system for myself – start with a solid foundation and add complexity with each iteration – a flourish here, a flying buttress there. 

But it wasn’t until the following summer, vacationing on a beach inundated with plastic, that the “aha” moment struck. In an era where capturing people’s attention in a split-second is everything, what better way to draw awareness to the plastic problem than with quirky 3D-printed products? By the time I had returned home, I had a business case on my hands and a desire to make my impact.

Equipped with vital skills from the advanced math-and-science courses I had taken in sophomore year, I began applying these to my growing business. Using my AP Chemistry analytical laboratory skills, I devised a simple water bath experiment to test the biodegradability claims of 3D-printer filaments from different manufacturers, guaranteeing that my products could serve as both a statement and play their part for our planet. The optimization techniques I had learned in AP Calculus were put to good use, as I determined the most space-efficient packaging for my products, reducing my dependence on unsustainable filler material. Even my designs were tweaked and riffed on to reflect my newfound maturity and keen eye for aesthetics.

My business is still going strong today, raising $1000 to date. I attribute this success to a fateful spark of creative inspiration, which has, and will, continue to inspire me to weave together multiple disciplines to address issues as endemic as the plastic problem. 

This essay begins with a simple, yet highly effective hook. It catches readers’ attention by only giving a hint about the essay’s main topic, and being a standalone paragraph makes it all the more intriguing. 

The next paragraph then begins with a seamless transition that ties back to the Makerspace. The essay goes on to show the writer’s creative side and how it has developed over time. Rather than directly stating “I am most creative when I am working on my business,” the writer tells the story of their creativity while working with 3-D printers and vacationing on the beach. 

It is the “aha” moment that perhaps responds to the prompt best. Here we get to see the writer create a new idea on the spot. The next two paragraphs then show the writer executing on their idea in great detail. Small and specific details, such as applying analytical laboratory skills from AP Chemistry, make the writer’s creativity come to life. 

From start to finish, this essay shows that the key to writing a stellar response to this prompt is to fill your writing with details and vivid imagery. 

The second to last paragraph of this essay focuses a bit too much on how the writer built their business. Though many of these details show the writer’s creativity in action, a few of them could be restated to make the connection to creativity clearer. The last sentences could be rewritten like so: 

Working on my business was where my creativity blossomed. In my workshop, optimization techniques that I learned in AP Calculus became something new — the basis for space-efficient packaging for my products that reduced my dependence on unsustainable filler material…

Profusely sweating after trying on what felt like a thousand different outfits, I collapsed on the floor in exasperation. The heaping pile of clothes on my bed stared me down in disdain; with ten minutes left to spare before the first day of seventh grade, I let go of my screaming thoughts and settled on the very first outfit I tried on: my favorite.

Donning a neon pink dress, that moment marked the first time I chose expression over fear. Being one of the few Asians in my grade, clothing was my source of disguise. I looked to the bold Stacy London of What Not to Wear for daily inspiration, but, in actuality, I dressed to conceal my uniqueness so I wouldn’t be noticed for my race. Wearing jeans and a t-shirt, I envied the popular girls who hiked their shorts up just a few inches higher than dress code allowed and flaunted Uggs decorated with plastic jewels, a statement that Stacy London would have viewed as heinous and my mother impractical. 

However, entering school that day and the days after, each compliment I received walking down the hallways slowly but surely broke down the armored shield. Morphing into an outlet to amplify my voice and creativity, dressing up soon became what I looked forward to each morning. I was awarded best dressed the year after that during my middle school graduation, a recognition most would scoff at. But, to me, that flimsy paper certificate was a warm embrace telling me that I was valued for my originality and expression. I was valued for my differences. 

Confidence was what I found and is now an essential accessory to every outfit I wear. Taking inspiration from vintage, simplistic silhouettes and Asian styles, I adorn my body’s canvas with a variety of fabrics and vibrant colors, no longer depriving it of the freedom to self expression and cultural exploration. I hope that my future will open new doors for me, closet doors included, at the University of California with opportunities to intertwine creativity with my identity even further.

Colorful language and emotion are conveyed powerfully in this essay, which is one of its key strengths. We can see this in the first paragraph, where the writer communicates that they were feeling searing judgment by using a metaphor: “the heaping pile of clothes on my bed stared me down.” The writer weaves other rich phrases into the essay — for example, “my screaming thoughts” — to show readers their emotions. All of these writing choices are much more moving than plainly stating “I was nervous.”

The essay moves on to tell a story that responds to the prompt in a unique way. While typical responses will be about a very direct example of expressing creativity, e.g. oil painting, this essay has a fittingly creative take on the prompt. The story also allows the writer to avoid a common pitfall — talking more about the means of being creative rather than how those means allow you to express yourself. In other words, make sure to avoid talking about the act of oil painting so much that your essay loses focus on what painting means to you.

The last sentence of the essay is one more part to emulate. “I hope that my future will open new doors for me, closet doors included…” is a well-crafted, flawlessly succinct metaphor that looks to the future while connecting the end of the essay to its beginning. The metaphors are then juxtaposed with a summary of the essay’s main topic: “intertwine creativity with my identity.” 

This essay’s main areas for improvement are grammatical. What Not to Wear should be italicized, “self-expression” should be hyphenated, and the last sentence could use the following tweaks to make it less of a run-on: “I hope that my future will open new doors for me, closet doors included, at the University of California. There, I will have opportunities to intertwine creativity with my identity even further.”

Since identity is the main topic of this essay, it would also be fitting for the writer to go into more depth about it. The immediate takeaways from the essay are that the writer is Asian and interested in fashion — however, more descriptions could be added to these parts. For example, the writer could replace Asian with Laotian-American and change a sentence in the second to last paragraph to “dressing up in everything from bell bottom jeans to oversized flannel shirts soon became what I looked forward to each morning.”

Prompt: What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time? (350 words)

Let’s fast-forward time. Strides were made toward racial equality. Healthcare is accessible to all; however, one issue remains. Our aquatic ecosystems are parched with dead coral from ocean acidification. Climate change has prevailed.

Rewind to the present day.

My activism skills are how I express my concerns for the environment. Whether I play on sandy beaches or rest under forest treetops, nature offers me an escape from the haste of the world. When my body is met by trash in the ocean or my nose is met by harmful pollutants, Earth’s pain becomes my own. 

Substituting coffee grinds as fertilizer, using bamboo straws, starting my sustainable garden, my individual actions needed to reach a larger scale. I often found performative activism to be ineffective when communicating climate concerns. My days of reposting awareness graphics on social media never filled the ambition I had left to put my activism skills to greater use. I decided to share my ecocentric worldview with a coalition of environmentalists and host a climate change rally outside my high school.

Meetings were scheduled where I informed students about the unseen impact they have on the oceans and local habitual communities. My fingers were cramped from all the constant typing and investigating of micro causes of the Pacific Waste Patch, creating reusable flyers, displaying steps people could take from home in reducing their carbon footprint. I aided my fellow environmentalists in translating these flyers into other languages, repeating this process hourly, for five days, up until rally day. 

It was 7:00 AM. The faces of 100 students were shouting, “The climate is changing, why can’t we?” I proudly walked on the dewy grass, grabbing the microphone, repeating those same words. The rally not only taught me efficient methods of communication but it echoed my environmental activism to the masses. The City of Corona would be the first of many cities to see my activism, as more rallies were planned for various parts of SoCal. My once unfulfilled ambition was fueled by my tangible activism, understanding that it takes more than one person to make an environmental impact.

One of the largest strengths of this response is its speed. From the very beginning, we are invited to “fast-forward” and “rewind” with the writer. Then, after we focus ourselves in the present, this writer keeps their quick pace with sentences like “Substituting coffee grounds as fertilizer, using bamboo straws, starting my sustainable garden, my individual actions needed to reach a larger scale.” A common essay-writing blunder is using a predictable structure that loses the attention of the reader, but this unique pacing keeps things interesting.

Another positive of this essay is how their passion for environmental activism shines through. The essay begins by describing the student’s connection to nature (“nature offers me an escape from the haste of the world”), moves into discussing the personal actions they have taken (“substituting coffee grounds as fertilizer”), and then explains the rally the student hosted. While the talent the student is writing about is their ability to inspire others to fight against climate change, establishing the personal affinity towards nature and individual steps they took demonstrate the development of their passion. This makes their talent appear much more significant and unique. 

This essay could be improved by being more specific about what this student’s talent is. There is no sentence that directly states what this student considers to be their talent. Although the essay is still successful at displaying the student’s personality, interests, and ambition, by not explicitly mentioning their talent, they leave it up to the reader’s interpretation.

Depending on how quickly they read the essay or how focused they are, there’s a possibility the reader will miss the key talent the student wanted to convey. Making sure to avoid spoon-feeding the answer to their audience, the student should include a short sentence that lays out what they view as their main talent.

At six, Mama reads me a story for the first time. I listen right up until Peter Pan talks about the stars in the night sky. “What’s the point of stars if they can’t be part of something?” Mama looks at me strangely before closing the book. “Sometimes, looking on is more helpful than actively taking part. Besides, stars listen- like you. You’re a good listener, aren’t you?” I nod. At eleven, my sister confides in me for the first time. She’s always been different, in a way even those ‘mind doctors’ could never understand. I don’t understand either, but I do know that I like my sister. She’s mean to me, but not like people are to her. She tells me how she sees the world, and chokes over her words in a struggle to speak. She trusts me, and that makes me happy. So, I listen. I don’t speak; this isn’t a story where I speak. At sixteen, I find myself involved with an organization that provides education to rural children. Dakshata is the first person I’ve tutored in Hindi. She’s also my favorite. So, when she interrupts me mid-lesson one evening, lips trembling and eyes filling with tears, I decide to put my pen down and listen. I don’t speak; I don’t take part in this story. Later, as I hug the girl, I tell her about the stars and how her mother is among their kind- unable to speak yet forever willing to listen. Dakshata now loves the stars as much as I do. At seventeen, I realize that the first thing that comes to my mind when someone asks me about a skill I possess is my ability to listen. Many don’t see it as a skill, and I wouldn’t ask them to either, but it’s important. When you listen, you see, you need not necessarily understand, but you do comprehend. You empathize on a near-cosmic level with the people around you and learn so much more than you ever thought possible. Everything is a part of something- even the stars with their ears.

The essay as a whole is an excellent example of narrative-based writing. The narrative begins with a captivating hook. The first sentence catches the reader by surprise, since it does not directly respond to the prompt by naming the writer’s greatest talent or skill. Instead, it tells a childhood story which does not seem to be related to a skill at first. This creates intrigue, and the second sentence adds to it by introducing a conflict. It causes readers to wonder why Peter Pan’s stargazing would make a six year old stop listening — hooked into the story, they continue reading.

The writer continues to create a moving narrative by using dialogue. Dialogue allows the writer to show rather than tell , which is a highly effective way to make an essay convey emotion and keep readers’ attention. The writer also shows their story by using language such as “mind doctors” instead of “psychologists” — this immerses readers in the author’s perspective as an 11 year old at the time. 

Two motifs, or recurring themes, tie the essay together: listening and looking at the stars. The last paragraph powerfully concludes the essay by explaining these themes and circling back to the introduction.

Crafting transitions is one area where this essay could be improved. The paragraph after “I nod” begins abruptly, and without any sentence to connect the writer’s dialogue at age six with her experiences at age 11. One way to make the transition smoother would be to begin the paragraph after “I nod” with “I try to be a good listener again at eleven, when my sister confides in me for the first time.”

This essay would also be more impactful if the writer explained what they aspire to do with their ability to listen in the future. While it is most important for your essay to explain how your past experiences have made you who you are in the present, looking towards the future allows admissions readers to imagine the impact you might make after graduation. The writer could do this in the last paragraph of their essay by writing the following: “Many don’t see it as a skill, and I wouldn’t ask them to either, but I find it important — especially as an aspiring social worker.”

Prompt: Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom. (350 words)

I distinctly remember the smile on Perela’s face when she found out her mother would be nursed back to health. I first met Perela and her mother at the Lestonnac Free Clinic in San Bernardino where I volunteered as a Spanish translator. I was in awe of the deep understanding of biology that the medical team employed to discover solutions. Despite having no medical qualifications of my own, I realized that by exercising my abilities to communicate and empathize, I could serve as a source of comfort and encouragement for Perela and her mother. The opportunity to combine my scientific curiosity and passion for caring for people cultivated my interest in a career as a physician.

To further explore this interest, I attended a summer medical program at Georgetown University. I participated in lectures on circulation through the heart, practiced stitches on a chicken leg, and assisted in giving CPR to a dummy in the patient simulation laboratory. Every fact about the human body I learned brought with it ten new questions for me to research. I consistently stayed after each lecture to gain insight about how cells, tissues, and organs all work together to carry out immensely complicated functions. The next year, in my AP Biology class, I was further amazed with the interconnected biological systems as I learned about the relationships between the human body and ecosystems. I discussed with my teacher how environmental changes will impact human health and how we must broaden our perspectives to use medicine to tackle these issues.

By integrating environmental and medical science, we can develop effective solutions to reduce the adverse effects of environmental degradation that Perela’s mother may have faced unintentionally. I want to go into the medical field so I can employ a long-term approach to combat biology’s hidden anomalies with a holistic viewpoint. I look forward to utilizing my undergraduate classes and extracurriculars to prepare for medical school so I can fight for both health care and environmental protection.

This student primarily answers the prompt in their middle paragraph as they describe their experience at a summer medical program as well as their science coursework in high school. This content shows their academic curiosity and rigor, yet the best part of the essay isn’t the student’s response to the prompt. The best part of this essay is the way the student positions their interest in medicine as authentic and unique.

The student appears authentic when they admit that they haven’t always been interested in medical school. Many applicants have wanted to be doctors their whole life, but this student is different. They were just in a medical office to translate and help, then got hooked on the profession and took that interest to the next level by signing up for a summer program.

Additionally, this student positions themself as unique as they describe the specifics of their interest in medicine, emphasizing their concern with the ways medicine and the environment interact. This is also refreshing!

Of course, you should always answer the prompt, but it’s important to remember that you can make room within most prompts to say what you want and show off unique aspects of yourself—just as this student did.

One thing this student should be careful of is namedropping Georgetown for the sake of it. There is no problem in discussing a summer program they attended that furthered their interest in medicine, but there is a problem when the experience is used to build prestige. Admissions officers already know that this student attended a summer program at Georgetown because it’s on their application. The purpose of the essay is to show  why attending the program was a formative moment in their interest.

The essay gets at the  why a bit when it discusses staying after class to learn more about specific topics, but the student could have gone further in depth. Rather than explaining the things the student did during the program, like stitching chicken legs and practicing CPR, they should have continued the emotional reflection from the first paragraph by describing what they thought and felt when they got hands-on medical experience during the program. 

Save describing prestigious accomplishments for your extracurriculars and resume; your essay is meant to demonstrate what made you you.

I love spreadsheets.

It’s weird, I know. But there’s something endlessly fascinating about taking a bunch of raw numbers, whipping and whacking them into different shapes and forms with formulas and equations to reveal hidden truths about the universe. The way I like to think about it is that the universe has an innate burning desire to tell us its stories. The only issue is its inability to talk with us directly. Most human stories are written in simple words and letters, but the tales of the universe are encrypted in numbers and relationships, which require greater effort to decode to even achieve basic comprehension. After all, it took Newton countless experimentation to discover the love story between mass and gravitation.

In middle school, whenever I opened a spreadsheet, I felt like I was part of this big journey towards understanding the universe. It took me a couple of years, but I eventually found out that my interest had a name: Data Science. With this knowledge, I began to read extensively about the field and took online courses in my spare time. I found out that the spreadsheets I had been using was just the tip of the iceberg. As I gained more experience, I started using more powerful tools like R (a statistical programming language) which allowed me to use sophisticated methods like linear regressions and decision trees. It opened my eyes to new ways to understand reality and changed the way I approached the world.

The thing I love most about data science is its versatility. It doesn’t matter if the data at hand is about the airflow on an owl’s wing or the living conditions of communities most crippled by poverty. I am able to utilize data science to dissect and analyze issues in any field. Each new method of analysis yields different stories, with distinct actors, settings, and plots. I’m an avid reader of the stories of the universe, and one day I will help the world by letting the universe write its own narrative.

This is an essay that draws the reader in. The student’s candid nature and openness truly allows us to understand why they are fascinated with spreadsheets themself, which in turn makes the reader appreciate the meaning of this interest in the student’s life. 

First, the student engages readers with their conversational tone, beginning “I love spreadsheets. It’s weird, I know,” followed shortly after by the phrase “whipping and whacking.” Then, they introduce their idea to us, explaining how the universe is trying to tell us something through numbers and saying that Newton discovered “the love story between mass and gravitation,” and we find ourselves clearly following along. They put us right there with them, on their team, also trying to discover the secrets of the universe. It is this bond between the student and the reader that makes the essay so engaging and worth reading.

Because the essay is focused on the big picture, the reader gets a sense of the wide-eyed wonderment this student experiences when they handle and analyze data. The student takes us on the “big journey towards understanding the universe” through the lens of Data Science. Explaining both the tools the student has used, like R and statistical regression, and the ideas the student has explored, like owl’s wings and poverty, demonstrates how this student fits into the micro and macro levels of Data Science. The reader gets a complete picture of how this student could change the world through this essay—something admissions officers always want to see.

The biggest thing that would improve this essay is an anecdote. As it’s written, the essay looks at Data Science from a more theoretical or aspirational perspective. The student explains all that Data Science can enable, but besides for explaining that they started coding with spreadsheets and R, they provide very little personal experience working with Data Science. This is where an anecdote would elevate the essay.

Adding a story about the first data set they examined or an independent project they undertook as a hobby would have elicited more emotion and allowed for the student to showcase their accomplishments and way of thinking. For example, they could delve into the feeling of enlightenment that came from first discovering a pattern in the universe. Or maybe they could describe how analyzing data was the catalyst that led them to reach out to local businesses to help them improve their revenue. 

If you have an impactful and enduring interest, such as this student does, you will have at least one anecdote you could include in your essay. You’ll find that essays with anecdotes are able to work in more emotional reflection that make the essay more memorable and the student more likable.

Prompt: What have you done to make your community a better place? (350 words)

Blinking sweat from my eyes, I raised my chin up to the pullup bar one last time before dropping down, my muscles trembling. But despite my physical exhaustion at the end of the workout, mentally, I felt reinvigorated and stronger than ever.

Minutes later, I sat at my computer, chatting with my friends about our first week in quarantine. After listening to numerous stories concerning boredom and loneliness, it struck me that I could use my passion for fitness to help my friends—I jumped at the chance to do so. 

After scouring the internet for the most effective exercises and fitness techniques, I began hosting Zoom workouts, leading friends, family, and anyone else who wanted to join in several fun exercises each week. I hoped these meetings would uplift anyone struggling during quarantine, whether from loneliness, uncertainty, or loss of routine. I created weekly workout plans, integrating cardio, strength, and flexibility exercises into each. Using what I learned from skating, I incorporated off-ice training exercises into the plans and added stretching routines to each session. 

Although many members were worried that they wouldn’t be able to complete exercises as well as others and hesitated to turn their cameras on, I encouraged them to show themselves on screen, knowing we’d only support one another. After all, the “face-to-face” interactions we had while exercising were what distinguished our workouts from others online; and I hoped that they would lead us to grow closer as a community. 

As we progressed, I saw a new-found eagerness in members to show themselves on camera, enjoying the support of others. Seeing how far we had all come was immensely inspiring: I watched people who couldn’t make it through one circuit finish a whole workout and ask for more; instead of staying silent during meetings, they continually asked for tips and corrections.

Despite the limitations placed on our interactions by computer screens, we found comfort in our collective efforts, the camaraderie between us growing with every workout. For me, it confirmed the strength we find in community and the importance of helping one another through tough times.

This essay accomplishes three main goals: it tells a story of how this student took initiative, it explores the student’s values, and it demonstrates their emotional maturity. We really get a sense of how this student improved their community while also gaining a large amount of insight into what type of person this student is.

With regards to initiative, this student writes about a need they saw in their community and the steps they took to satisfy that need. They describe the extensive thought that went into their decisions as they outline the planning of their classes and their unique decision to incorporate skating techniques in at-home workouts.

Additionally, they explore their values, including human connection. The importance of connection to this student is obvious throughout the essay as they write about their desire “to grow closer as a community.” It is particularly apparent with their final summarizing sentence: “For me, it confirmed the strength we find in community and the importance of helping one another through tough times.”

Lastly, this student positions themself as thoughtful when they recognize the way that embarrassment can get in the way of forming community. They do this through the specific example of feeling embarrassment when turning on one’s camera during a video call—a commonly-felt feeling. This ability to recognize fear of embarrassment as an obstacle to camaraderie shows maturity on the part of this applicant. 

This essay already has really descriptive content, a strong story, and a complete answer to the prompt, however there is room for every essay to improve. In this case, the student could have worked more descriptive word choice and figurative language into their essay to make it more engaging and impressive. You want your college essay to showcase your writing abilities as best as possible, while still sounding like you.

One literary device that would have been useful in this essay is a conceit or an extended metaphor . Essays that utilize conceits tend to begin with a metaphor, allude to the metaphor during the body of the paragraph, and end by circling back to the original metaphor. All together, it makes for a cohesive essay that is easy to follow and gives the reader a satisfying opening and conclusion to the essay.

The idea at the heart of this essay—working out to strengthen a community—would make for a great conceit. By changing the anecdote at the beginning to maybe reflect the lack of strength the student felt when working out alone and sprinkling in words and phrases that allude to strength and exercise during the essay, the last sentence (“For me, it confirmed the strength we find in community and the importance of helping one another through tough times”) would feel like a fulfilling end to the conceit rather than just a clever metaphor thrown in. 

Prompt: What have you done to make your school or your community a better place? (350 words)

The scent of eucalyptus caressed my nose in a gentle breeze. Spring had arrived. Senior class activities were here. As a sophomore, I noticed a difference between athletic and academic seniors at my high school; one received recognition while the other received silence. I wanted to create an event celebrating students academically-committed to four-years, community colleges, trades schools, and military programs. This event was Academic Signing Day.

The leadership label, “Events Coordinator,” felt heavy on my introverted mind. I usually was setting up for rallies and spirit weeks, being overlooked around the exuberant nature of my peers. 

I knew a change of mind was needed; I designed flyers, painted posters, presented powerpoints, created student-led committees, and practiced countless hours for my introductory speech. Each committee would play a vital role on event day: one dedicated to refreshments, another to technology, and one for decorations. The fourth-month planning was a laborious joy, but I was still fearful of being in the spotlight. Being acknowledged by hundreds of people was new to me. 

The day was here. Parents filled the stands of the multi-purpose room. The atmosphere was tense; I could feel the angst building in my throat, worried about the impression I would leave. Applause followed each of the 400 students as they walked to their college table, indicating my time to speak. 

I walked up to the stand, hands clammy, expression tranquil, my words echoing to the audience. I thought my speech would be met by the sounds of crickets; instead, smiles lit up the stands, realizing my voice shone through my actions. I was finally coming out of my shell. The floor was met by confetti as I was met by the sincerity of staff, students, and parents, solidifying the event for years to come. 

Academic students were no longer overshadowed. Their accomplishments were equally recognized to their athletic counterparts. The school culture of athletics over academics was no longer imbalanced. Now, everytime I smell eucalyptus, it is a friendly reminder that on Academic Signing Day, not only were academic students in the spotlight but so was my voice.

This is a good essay because it describes the contribution the student made to their community and the impact that experience had on shaping their personality. Admissions officers get to see what this student is capable of and how they have grown, which is important to demonstrate in your essays. Throughout the essay there is a nice balance between focusing on planning the event and the emotions it elicited from this student, which is summed up in the last sentence: “not only were academic students in the spotlight but so was my voice.”

With prompts like this one (which is essentially a Community Service Essay ) students sometimes take very small contributions to their community and stretch them—oftentimes in a very obvious way. Here, the reader can see the importance of Academic Signing Day to the community and the student, making it feel like a genuine and enjoyable experience for all involved. Including details like the four months of planning the student oversaw, the specific committees they delegated tasks to, and the hundreds of students and parents that attended highlights the skills this student possesses to plan and execute such a large event.

Another positive aspect of this essay is how the student’s emotions are intertwined throughout the essay. We see this student go from being a shy figure in the background to the confident architect of a celebrated community event, all due to their motivation to create Academic Signing Day. The student consistently shows throughout the essay, instead of telling us what happened. One example is when they convey their trepidation to public speaking in this sentence: “I walked up to the stand, hands clammy, expression tranquil, my words echoing to the audience. I thought my speech would be met by the sounds of crickets.”

Employing detailed descriptions of feelings, emotions, fears, and body language all contribute to an essay that reveals so much in subtle ways. Without having to be explicitly told, the reader learns the student is ambitious, organized, a leader, and someone who deeply values academic recognition when they read this essay.

While this essay has many positives, there are a couple of things the student could work on. The first is to pay more attention to grammar. There was one obvious typo where the student wrote “the fourth-month planning was a laborious joy”, but there were also many sentences that felt clunky and disjointed. Each and every essay you submit should put your best foot forward and impress admissions officers with your writing ability, but typos immediately diminish your credibility as a writer and sincerity as an applicant.

It’s important to read through your essay multiple times and consider your specific word choice—does each word serve a purpose, could a sentence be rewritten to be less wordy, etc? However, it’s also important you have at least one other person edit your essay. Had this student given their essay to a fresh set of eyes they might have caught the typo and other areas in need of improvement.

Additionally, this student began and ended the essay with the smell of eucalyptus. Although this makes for an intriguing hook, it has absolutely nothing to do with the actual point of the essay. It’s great to start your essay with an evocative anecdote or figurative language, but it needs to relate to your topic. Rather than wasting words on eucalyptus, a much stronger hook could have been the student nervously walking up to the stage with clammy hands and a lump in their throat. Beginning the essay with a descriptive sentence that puts us directly into the story with the student would draw the reader in and get them excited about the topic at hand.

Prompt: What have you done to make your school or community a better place? (350 words) 

“I wish my parents understood.” Sitting at the lunch table, I listened as my friends aired out every detail of their life that they were too afraid to share with their parents. Sexuality, relationships, dreams; the options were limitless. While I enjoyed playing therapist every 7th period, a nagging sensation that perhaps their parents should understand manifested in me. Yet, my proposal was always met with rolling eyes; “I wish they understood” began every conversation, but nothing was being done beyond wishing on both sides. 

I wanted to help not just my friends but the countless other stories I was told of severed relationships and hidden secrets. Ultimately, my quest for change led me to BFB, a local nonprofit. Participating in their Youth Leadership program, I devised and implemented a plan for opening up the conversation between students and parents with the team I led. We successfully hosted relationship seminars with guest speakers specializing on a range of topics, from inclusive education to parental pressure, and were invited to speak for BFB at various external events with local government by the end of my junior year. Collaborating with mental health organizations and receiving over $1,000 in funding from international companies facilitated our message to spread throughout the community and eventually awarded us with an opportunity to tackle a research project studying mental health among teens during the pandemic with professors from the University at Buffalo and UC Los Angeles. 

While these endeavors collectively facilitated my team to win the competition, the most rewarding part of it all was receiving positive feedback from my community and close friends. “I wish my parents understood” morphed into “I’m glad they tried to understand”. I now lead a separate program under BFB inspired by my previous endeavors, advancing its message even further and leaving a legacy of change and initiative for future high schoolers in the program. As I leave for college, I hope to continue this work at the University of California and foster a diverse community that embraces understanding and growth across cultures and generations.

The essay begins with a strong, human-centered story that paints a picture of what the writer’s community looks like. The first sentence acts as a hook by leaving readers with questions — whose parents are being discussed, and what don’t they understand? With their curiosity now piqued, readers become intrigued enough to move on to the next sentences. The last sentence of the first paragraph and beginning of the second relate to the same topic of stories from friends, making for a highly effective transition.

The writer then does a great job of describing their community impact in specific detail, which is crucial for this prompt. Rather than using vague and overly generalized language, the writer highlights their role in BFB with strong action verbs like “devised” and “implemented.” They also communicate the full scope of their impact with quantifiable metrics like “$1,000 in funding,” all while maintaining a flowing narrative style.

The essay ends by circling back to the reason why the writer got involved in improving their community through BFB, which makes the essay more cohesive and moving. The last sentences connect their current experiences improving community with their future aspirations to do so, both in the wider world and at a UC school. This forward-looking part allows admissions officers to get a sense of what the writer might accomplish as a UC alum/alumna, and is certainly something to emulate.

This essay’s biggest weakness is its organization. Since the second paragraph contains lots of dense information about the writer’s role in BFB, it would benefit from a few sentences that tie it back to the narrative in the first paragraph. For instance, the third sentence of the paragraph could be changed like so: “Participating in their Youth Leadership program, I led my team through devising and implementing a plan to foster student-parent conversations — the ones that my 7th period friends were in need of.”

The last paragraph also has the potential to be reorganized. The sentence with the “I wish my parents understood” quote would be more powerful at the end of the paragraph rather than in the middle. With a short transition added to the beginning, the new conclusion would look like so: “ Through it all, I hope to help ‘I wish my parents understood’ morph into ‘I’m glad they tried to understand’ for my 7th period friends and many more.” 

I drop my toothbrush in the sink as I hear a scream. Rushing outside, I find my mom’s hand painfully wedged in the gap between our outward-opening veranda doors. I quickly open it, freeing her hand as she gasps in relief. 

As she ices her hand, I regard the door like I would a trivia question or math problem – getting to know the facts before I start working on a solution. I find that, surprisingly, there is not a single protrusion to open the door from the outside! 

Perhaps it was the fact that my mom couldn’t drive or that my dad worked long hours, but the crafts store was off-limits; I’ve always ended up having to get resourceful and creative with whatever materials happened to be on hand in order to complete my impromptu STEM projects or garage builds. Used plastic bottles of various shapes and sizes became buildings for a model of a futuristic city. Cylindrical capacitors from an old computer, a few inches in height, became scale-size storage tanks. 

Inspired by these inventive work-arounds and spurred on by my mom’s plight, I procure a Command Strip, a roll of tennis racket grip, and, of course, duct tape. I fashion a rudimentary but effective solution: a pull handle, ensuring she would never find herself stuck again.

A desire to instill others in my community with this same sense of resourcefulness led me to co-found “Repair Workshops” at my school – sessions where we teach students to fix broken objects rather than disposing of them. My hope is that participants will walk away with a renewed sense of purpose to identify problems faced by members of their community (whether that’s their neighbor next door or the planet as a whole) and apply their newfound engineering skills towards solutions.

As I look towards a degree and career in engineering and business, these connections will serve as my grounding point: my reminder that in disciplines growing increasingly quantitative, sometimes the best startup ideas or engineering solutions originate from a desire to to better the lives of people around me.

This essay is a good example of telling a story with an authentic voice. With its down-to-earth tone and short, punchy paragraphs, it stands out as a piece of writing that only the author could have written. That is an effective way for you to write any of your college essays as well.

After readers are hooked by the mention of screaming in the first sentence, the writer immerses the readers in their thinking. This makes the essay flow very naturally — rather than a first paragraph of narrative followed by an unrelated description of STEM projects, the whole essay is a cohesive story that shows how the writer came to improve their community. 

Their take on community also makes the essay stand out. While many responses to this prompt will focus on an amorphous, big-picture concept of community, such as school or humanity, this essay is about a community that the writer has a close connection to — their family. Family is also not the large group of people that most applicants would first attach to the word “community,” but writing about it here is a creative take on the prompt. Though explaining community impact is most important, choosing the most unique community you are a part of is a great way to make your essay stand out.

This essay’s main weakness is that the paragraph about Repair Workshops does not go into enough detail about community impact. The writer should highlight more specific examples of leadership here, since it would allow them to demonstrate how they hope to impact many more communities besides their family. 

After the sentence ending with “fix broken objects rather than disposing of them,” a new part could be added that shows how the writer taught students. For example, the writer could tell the story of how “tin cans became compost bins” as they explained the importance of making the world a better place. 

Then, at the end of the paragraph, the writer could more concretely explain the visions they have to expand the impact of Repair Workshops. A good concluding sentence could start with “I too hope to use engineering skills and resourcefulness to…” Adding this extra context would also make the paragraph transition better to the final paragraph of the essay, which somewhat abruptly begins by mentioning the writer’s previously unmentioned career interests in engineering and business.

Where to Get Feedback on Your UC Essays

Want feedback like this on your University of California essays before you submit? We offer expert essay review by advisors who have helped students get into their dream schools. You can book a review with an expert to receive notes on your topic, grammar, and essay structure to make your essay stand out to admissions officers. In fact, Alexander Oddo , an essay expert on CollegeVine, provided commentary on several of the essays in this post.

Haven’t started writing your essay yet? Advisors on CollegeVine also offer expert college counseling packages . You can purchase a package to get one-on-one guidance on any aspect of the college application process, including brainstorming and writing essays.

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

Why Yale Essay Examples

Why yale essay examples – introduction.

Are you wondering how to get into Yale? If you’re planning on filling out a Yale application, then you are probably searching for some Why Yale essay examples to help you begin drafting your Yale essay prompts.

Any college applicant will be familiar with supplemental essays and personal statements . But what about the “Why Yale” essay? By reading some Why Yale essay examples, you can get a sense of what’s worked for past applicants.

Before we dig into our Why Yale essay examples, let’s take a quick look at the facts. Yale University is an elite institution located in New Haven, Connecticut. It consistently ranks among the top U.S. universities alongside schools like Harvard and Princeton. Correspondingly, the Yale acceptance rate sits at just 5% as of 2022.

With the Yale acceptance rate so low, you’ll want to maximize your chances of getting in. That’s where our Why Yale essay examples come in. When considering how to get into Yale, arguably the heart of the Yale application is the Yale supplemental essays. And among the Yale supplemental essays, the “Why Yale” essay is especially important. In this article, we’ll read some “Why Yale” essay examples and discuss parts of those Yale essays that worked.

Yale Supplemental Essay Requirements

There are several different Yale supplemental essays, ranging from 35 to 400 words. In fact, the Yale essay prompts may be better divided into short answers and actual essays. The Yale supplemental essays required will vary based on how you submit your Yale application: through the QuestBridge, Common, or Coalition Application. Those completing a Yale application through the Common and Coalition Applications have a few additional Yale supplemental essays.

Also, the Yale essay prompts can change from year to year. In recent application cycles , all applicants have had to write three Yale supplemental essays, including the Why Yale essay. Furthermore, Yale applications through the Common and Coalition Applications present four additional short answer questions and a 400-word essay.

Yale Supplemental Essay Prompts

Although we’re focusing on Why Yale essay examples in this guide, you should know the Yale essay prompts from the several application cycles. The following three Yale supplemental essays required of everyone are:

Yale Supplemental Essay Requirements- Short Essays

• Students at Yale have time to explore their academic interests before committing to one or more major fields of study. Many students either modify their original academic direction or change their minds entirely. As of this moment, what academic areas seem to fit your interests or goals most comfortably? Please indicate up to three from the list provided.
• Tell us about a topic or idea that excites you and is related to one or more academic areas you selected above. Why are you drawn to it? (200 words or fewer)
• What is it about Yale that has led you to apply? (125 words or fewer)

In addition, Common Application and Coalition Application users must answer the following in up to 200 characters (about 35 words):

Yale Supplemental Essay Requirements- Short Answers

• What inspires you?
• You are teaching a new Yale course. What is it called?
• Yale’s residential colleges regularly host conversations with guests representing a wide range of experiences and accomplishments. What person, past or present, would you invite to speak? What would you ask them to discuss?
• What is something about you that is not included anywhere else in your application?

Finally, Common Application and Coalition Application users must answer one of the following in fewer than 400 words :

Additional Yale essay requirements for Common App and Coalition App

• Yale carries out its mission “through the free exchange of ideas in an ethical, interdependent, and diverse community.” Reflect on a time when you exchanged ideas about an important issue with someone holding an opposing view. How did the experience lead you either to change your opinion or to sharpen your reasons for holding onto it?
• Reflect on a time when you have worked to enhance a community to which you feel connected. Why have these efforts been meaningful to you? You may define community however you like.

If you find yourself nervously staring at these prompts and at the Yale acceptance rate , don’t worry! We’re here to help. For a more detailed guide on some Yale supplemental essays, check out our guide from last year (2021). Keep in mind that some prompts are different, however, the key points are the same.

Furthermore, while other Yale essay prompts may come and go, there’s always a “Why Yale” essay. As you tackle this prompt, looking at some Why Yale essay examples can be helpful.

The “Why Yale” essay examples we’ll see later are from past application cycles. As a result, the Yale essay prompts may be worded a bit differently. In any case, you can still use the Why Yale essay examples we present in this guide as a model as you begin crafting your Yale supplemental essays for this year.

While the Yale essays may change from year to year, there are certain things you should come to expect from the overall application process. Take our quiz to find out just how much you know about college admissions!

Does Yale have a “Why Yale” Essay?

For those wondering how to get into Yale, you’ll obviously ask if there’s a “Why Yale” essay. The answer may or may not surprise you… yes, there is! There is a “Why Yale” essay, and it’s a crucial part of any Yale application. Ideally, you noticed it among the essay prompts above. What is it about Yale that has led you to apply? No more than 125 words. Easy, right?

If your heart is hammering in your chest, take a deep breath. A “Why School” essay is essentially saying , “I know about your school, and we’re a great fit.” The “Why Yale” essay is a chance to show the Yale admissions committee that you’re ready and willing. That you’ve done your research on Yale and know that you’re the kind of student Yale looks for. And, more importantly, that Yale is a match for you and your values.

Yale essays that worked added depth to the personal narrative , connecting the writer and their background with the school. After all, you’re more than your GPA : beyond just academics, why did this school make your list ? In the course of evaluating universities, why did Yale stand out? Think beyond the Yale acceptance rate and ranking —why do you want to enroll at Yale? You can show some part of yourself that isn’t anywhere else on your Yale application.

Now, let’s look at how to get into Yale with a knockout “Why Yale” essay. First up, we have some “Why Yale” essay examples. Following each, we’ll look at parts of these “Why Yale” essays that worked.

Why Yale Essay Examples Version #1

Let’s start with the obvious “Why Yale” essay examples. That is to say, “Why Yale” essay examples that answer the classic “Why School” essay prompts. These Yale essay prompts directly ask for something like these “Why Yale” essay examples in several ways:

• Why Yale and not any other school?
• What about Yale appeals to you?
• What is it about Yale that led you to apply?

As we’ll see, these “Why Yale” essay examples go beyond facts and figures from the Yale admissions website. Like all Yale essays that worked, they are both specific and personal in their points. Expressing personal stake in concrete details shows the Yale admissions team that you already see yourself in Yale.

Why Yale Essay Examples #1: No Need to Name-Drop

At Yale, I would be able to immerse myself in interests I harbored but never had the opportunity to explore. With incredible resources from some of the best professors in the country, I would be able to learn directly from the best and use this advantage to further myself in my future career plans and goals. The quality of my education, though attributed to the institution, would be the most highly enriched from the students. Although from diverse backgrounds, all the students share the same thirst for knowledge and drive to make a difference. Having such classmates will push me to reach my highest potential and as a result, increase my vitality in any field of work or practice.

Why This Essay Worked

The first of our “Why Yale” essay examples discusses several qualities of Yale’s academic and campus life. Not all Yale essays that worked necessarily name-drop clubs and courses! While yes, it’s usually recommended, you can see from this “Why Yale” essay that it’s not always required. Note that this “Why Yale” essay focuses on community and how Yale’s environment will support their future. Looking at the big picture is usually a good thing in Yale supplemental essays.

Effective “Why Yale” essay examples reference certain aspects of the university that interest the author. This writer clearly values education and community: not only professors, but also fellow students will enrich their learning. Despite the low Yale acceptance rate, the campus is incredibly diverse. Yale essays that worked demonstrated an understanding of Yale’s core value of diversity, not just rigorous academics.

Why Yale Essay Examples #2: Painting a Picture

No problem in this world can be solved by a single person: whole communities are what drive innovative solutions. Thus, what draws me to Yale is its research opportunities and collaborative community. Whether it’s the STARS II program, Women in Science at Yale, Yale Scientific Magazine, or peer mentoring, the prospect of extending my research experience while collaborating with my peers in Yale’s scientific community seems very fulfilling.

I find myself excited by the opportunities Yale has to join communities that can impact campus and beyond. I’m particularly intrigued by the Yale College Council, Yale Arab Students Association, Yale Refugee Project, and Women’s Leadership Initiative. I’m excited by the prospect of joining the academically-driven, collaborative, and passionate community of Bulldogs at Yale.

On the flip side, some Yale essays that worked go all in with naming particular offerings at Yale. This can also make for a great “Why School” essay; it shows you’ve dug deep in your research. With that said, you have to be strategic in reeling off clubs and courses.

Now, look more closely at this “Why Yale” essay. What can you infer about the author from the facets of Yale they chose to highlight? We know they are interested in science, identify as a woman, and want to mentor others. Furthermore, we can see they identify as Arab and are interested in working with refugees.

Although this writer doesn’t say exactly how they identify or want to study, the reader still gets it. That is to say, we understand how the author’s background influences how they’ll participate in campus life. If you’re struggling to include all these amazing things at Yale in your Why Yale essay, follow this example! By being very intentional with the interests you write about, you can still paint a full picture.

From a structural perspective, this “Why Yale” essay works well by connecting the introduction and conclusion. Yale essays that worked sometimes close the loop by addressing a similar point at the beginning and end. These “Why Yale” essay examples will be tied up in a neat package that leaves an impression on the reader. Like most things, this structure isn’t strictly required, but it can definitely strengthen “Why Yale” essay examples.

Why Yale Essay Examples #3: It’s the Little Things

Following my time volunteering for a mental health charity, the Cognition and Development Lab, amusingly nicknamed the Panda Lab, piques my interest with research like that of one Yale professor concerning mental disorders and depression among children. I am fascinated with the connection of biology and behavior. Among students, academic competition seems deemphasized; undergrads instead emphasize their connections forged, for example, through acapella groups like Proof of Pudding (I Won’t Say I’m in Love a favorite of mine from Hercules). Finally, the Residential College system is reminiscent of my high school magnet program’s Harry Potter House sorting – but Yale’s includes College Teas! 

The third of our “Why Yale” essay examples is perhaps a bit more typical. There’s a bit of the writer’s resume in the opening line about volunteering. That experience flows into the writer’s academic interests and a professor’s research area—and the lab’s nickname. From there, this “Why Yale” essay seamlessly swivels to non-academic offerings, specifically a capella. In particular, the author indicates they’ve researched the group, too, by naming an arrangement they liked. The conclusion ties the author’s school with Yale’s residential system.

Like our other Why Yale essay examples, this essay highlights particular details about Yale’s programs. It’s clear from the little details of this “Why Yale” essay that the author has really done their research. They point out the Panda Lab’s cute nickname, a particular a capella performance, and College Teas. Above all, they’re not just thrown in there; these details connect logically with the writer’s interests and pursuits.

Our Why Yale essay examples also aren’t all the same. You can paint in broad strokes with campus culture or intense spots of color with groups meaningful to you. There are as many Yale essays that worked as there are admitted students . How you approach your “Why Yale” essay is up to you and your reading of the “Why Yale” essay prompts. But did you know another one of the Yale essay prompts is a second “Why Yale” essay in disguise?

Why Yale Essay Examples Version #2

Take another look at that list of Yale essay prompts. Aside from the obvious “Why Yale” essay prompt, another is subtly asking for a kind of “Why Yale” essay. Can you find it?  If you picked the second one, you’re correct!

Tell us about a topic or idea that excites you and is related to one or more academic areas you selected [in the first prompt]. Why are you drawn to it?

What? This? A “Why School” essay? Well, not exactly.

This and similar Yale essay prompts ask about an academic interest, so they aren’t typical “Why School” essays. But they are asking, secretly, how you’ll pursue that thing at Yale. Think about it as a “Why Major” essay with an opportunity to answer “Why School” as well. For this essay prompt, you select a subject you’re interested in on your Yale application. The very next question asks not simply why you’re interested, but how you might pursue it at Yale and beyond. In other words, why do you want to explore these areas at Yale?

With that said, let’s look at some more Yale essays that worked for different Yale essay prompts. Namely, “Why Yale” essay examples that talk about academic interests. Again, these past prompts were slightly different—their word limit was 100 words, not 200.

More Why Yale Essay Examples

Why yale essay examples #4: solving big problems.

I’m fascinated by the chemical processes that drive life, which has led me to find opportunities to gain hands-on research experience. Biochemical sciences provide an explanation for disease-driven problems as well as the capacity to find creative solutions for these problems. For all four years of high school, I performed biochemical research at various labs. Ultimately, these experiences helped my find my passion for applying biochemistry and the scientific method to problems we face, whether it’s hunger or leukemia. Through biochemical sciences, I hope to continue to tackle the biggest problems facing humans today using a creative, scientific approach.

Yale essays that worked, regardless of prompt, are as particular as they can be. What do you like, and what do you want to do with it? This author details both their interest in biochemistry and their experience with it. With Yale’s reputation for research, it hardly needs saying that this student will continue their work at Yale.

But when reading Yale essays that worked, you’ll also find a lot of big-picture thinking. How can experiences at Yale help you explore your interests in impactful ways? The second of our “Why Yale” essay examples highlighted work with refugees. The third briefly mentioned mental disorders in children. And this author is clear about their intent to face big problems.

Yale supplemental essays don’t need a 12-Step Plan to End World Hunger. Don’t compare yourself to Why Yale essay examples that seem to solve everything. You can dream big and be vague about how exactly you’ll tackle these issues. What matters in Yale essays that worked was genuine passion for Yale and the doors it’ll open.

Why Yale Essay Examples #5: Personal Aspirations

With plans to attend medical school after my bachelor’s degree, I want to study something that not only interests me, but would come as a great asset in the medical field. Neuroscience and how the brain makes decisions has been a long standing interest for me growing up as a Ugandan moving from place to place. Witnessing the thought processes of people in various locations made me realize that the mind is a complex puzzle that I would like to solve. Combined with an ability to speak multiple languages, communication with patients will be much more efficient and diagnoses accurate.

Of our five “Why Yale” essay examples, this final one is perhaps most specific about future plans. This “Why Yale” essay opens with the writer’s post-grad plans for medical school, which connects with their interest in neuroscience. While not necessarily a make-or-break in “Why Yale” essay examples, post-graduation goals can show Yale admissions that you’re thinking ahead.

This writer also personalizes this “Why Yale” essay by linking their interest in the human mind with their background. Introspection reveals the root of their interest in the mind in their past. Although this kind of reflection isn’t in all Yale essays that worked, it can speak volumes when used appropriately. Remember that Yale essays that worked were personal and show some (or a lot!) of your interests or background. And the best “Why Yale” essay examples relate all of that to Yale and the world at large. 

While this writer doesn’t explicitly mention Yale, it’s clear that they’re interested in complex problems. With their lofty ambitions and dreams of medical school, it’s clear that they want the rigor of Yale. Although this essay is perhaps not a conventional “Why Yale” essay, it’s still effective. It conveys the author’s academic interests and makes clear that Yale’s rigorous academic environment is a good fit.

How do you answer “Why Yale”?

We hope those five “Why Yale” essay examples and our discussion of their strengths were helpful. As you embark on your college application journey and draft essays, it’s always good to refer to essay examples. But remember they’re just a guide—try to find your own voice and style as you respond to Yale essay prompts.

There are endless ways to write “Why Yale” essays, just like there are endless answers to how to get into Yale. Some great Yale essays that worked talk about post-grad goals, while others focus on Yale’s campus life and offerings. Other strong Yale supplemental essays may directly address the writer’s experiences or background. Then again, more implicit mentions of the author’s life might make up other Yale essays that worked.

Even so, there are a few constants in the Why Yale essay examples. Each of the essays had elements that were:

We’re all guilty of copy-pasting a few lines from one essay to another. However, a “Why School” essay is not one you’ll want to copy-paste. When looking at “Why Yale” essays that worked, you’ll usually see several Yale-specific features, courses, and organizations. Yale essays that worked showed Yale admissions that the author knows more than just the Yale acceptance rate. By being specific, you prove that your decision to apply to Yale is well-informed.

The Yale admissions committee wants more than just smart people: they want dynamic, critical thinkers. Good “Why Yale” essay examples show this side. In particular, they illustrate how they’ll contribute both to Yale and to the world. What goals do you have that Yale can help you achieve? How will those goals inform your time on campus and once you’ve graduated? While you don’t have to be super specific about post-grad plans, you should show you’re already thinking ahead.

We know, we know, everyone says this—but it’s true! Firstly, although Yale is indeed a prestigious institution, its programs or campus life may not be for everyone. If you’re only applying because the low Yale acceptance rate obviously means it’s the best school, maybe reconsider. If you’re dead set on studying economics or architecture or business , look for schools strong in that area. 

Secondly, assuming you’ve decided Yale is your dream school , be honest about what excites you. If you want to know how to get into Yale, the answer is to be true to yourself. Don’t try to write about what you think Yale admissions wants to see. They want to see you and your interests!

What other schools have Why School Essays?

Short answer: many!

Long answer: schools like Northwes t ern University , the University of Chicago , and New York University , just to name a few. The “Why School” essay is one of the most common college essay prompts, and for good reason. “Why School” essays are where you can explain why the school is on your college list . 

Especially for reputable colleges, “Why School” essays can really elevate your application. Did you see the Yale acceptance rate and think you should apply just because it’s selective? Or maybe you read somewhere that Northwestern was pretty good and are applying based on that? Ideally, you did your due diligence reading the school’s website—maybe even visiting—before applying. Trust us, when you do your research, it really shows.

Tips for other “Why School” essays are the same for how to get into Yale: be specific, thoughtful, and genuine. Why do you personally want to spend the next several years at this school? What particular opportunities on campus resonate with you, your interests, and background? At the same time, many prompts have different wording that will inform your approach to the essay.

Let’s take a look at UChicago’s essay prompts for some more inspiration.

Writing to the Prompt: Why UChicago?

For instance, UChicago asks:

“ How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago. ”

Here, they’re asking you to answer in regards to learning, community, and future. You’ll want to speak directly to UChicago’s curriculum and social life while also establishing future goals. When planning this “Why School” essay, look into UChicago’s student life, both in and out of the classroom. Are there any unique features of academic life at UChicago, like an emphasis on collaboration or experiential learning?

Of course, you can also rely on pointing to distinct offerings both extracurricular and curricular. But make sure you address the prompt by drawing clear links among these things and your long-term goals. Finally, pull them all together by directly stating how the institution will facilitate all of these experiences.

Writing to the Prompt: Why NYU?

Next, let’s look at NYU .

“ We would like to know more about your interest in NYU. What motivated you to apply to NYU? Why have you applied or expressed interest in a particular campus, school, college, program, and or area of study? … We want to understand – Why NYU? ”

Remember how we said that an academic interest essay can be a “Why School” essay prompt in disguise? Some “Why School” essays are framed around your area of study, like this one. In these cases, many will focus more on the academic side of things. You don’t have to eliminate any mention of non-academic activities, of course. The prompt asks about campuses and schools, so feel free to mention campus traditions or social events.

If you’re zeroing in on a major, program, or college, you can absolutely bring up faculty, courses, and research. With that said, keep in mind that “Why School” essays should still be personal. Try to ensure your excitement for that subject area shows through. For example, you could use a personal anecdote or quality that threads through your academic history. Again, there are no limits to the ways you can approach a “Why School” essay.

How Important Are Essays For Yale?

When thinking about how to get into Yale, essays are front and center. Given that there are so many Yale essay prompts (however short), you can bet they’re important for your Yale application. As stated above, Yale is a highly esteemed and world-renowned institution. It follows that it gets a ton of applicants—why do you think the Yale acceptance rate is so low?

With so many applicants, the Yale admissions team needs to be able to distinguish the most qualified ones. By reading Yale supplemental essays, they learn about you not only as a student but also as a community member. Imagine if every admitted student had a 4.0 GPA but never joined any clubs or student organizations. Yale student life would probably be pretty boring! So these Yale supplemental essays help the Yale admissions committee choose students who’ll enrich Yale even beyond their undergraduate years.

In light of the COVID-19 pandemic, Yale—as well as many other schools—is test-optional for the 2022–2023 admissions cycle. While this policy is doubtless beneficial for many, it also means there’s some information missing. Especially while Yale admissions is test-optional, essays are considered very important on every Yale application.

Even once test-optional policies expire, essays will be incredibly important for college applications. It’s getting harder every year to stand out in college admissions, so make sure you start early and edit often. So don’t skimp on any of the Yale supplemental essays if you’re serious about overcoming the Yale acceptance rate. That means the 35-word ones, too!

More Yale Essay Resources from CollegeAdvisor

In this guide, we only looked at “Why Yale” essay examples, but there are several other Yale essay prompts. Luckily for you, CollegeAdvisor.com has several other Yale supplemental essay resources. We even have more general guides on how to get into Yale!

College Panel: Yale University

We have a webinar panel with Yale students. Watch this if you’re still wondering whether to apply to Yale. If you’re set on applying but looking for material for Yale supplemental essays, this is also a good resource.

Linked above was our Yale supplemental essays guides from 2021 . We also have more advice in our 2020 guide. These guides cover each Yale essay prompt, what it’s asking, and how to approach it. If you’re more into webinars, take a look at this Yale supplemental essays workshop .

Yale Supplemental Essays Workshop

Lastly, we have our general How to Get Into Yale guide . This has advice on every part of the Yale admissions process, from Yale supplemental essays to recommendation letters . If you’re applying to Yale and want advice on the application as a whole, this guide is for you.

CollegeAdvisor.com also hosts webinars and releases new resources all the time. Keep an eye on our blog for more college essay guides and examples .

Why Yale Essay Examples – Final Thoughts 

It’s never easy to put into words exactly why you want what you want. “Why School” essays ask you to do just that. Your “Why Yale” essay needs to be finely tuned to maximize your odds against the low Yale acceptance rate. Successful “Why Yale” essay examples show the Yale admissions team why you and Yale are a good fit. They’re both specific to the school and personal for you, tying together you and the school.

Here are some reflection questions as you leave this guide and start drafting your “Why Yale” essay:

Why Yale Essay Examples Reflection Questions

• Why are you and Yale a good fit for each other?
• Are you knowledgeable about and committed to attending Yale?
• How will experiences and opportunities at Yale help you achieve your goals?

Readers of your “Why Yale” essay should be able to answer all three of these questions. You can always read more Yale essays that worked to find areas for improvement in your own work. Additionally, you should use examples that show you’ve done your research, whether they’re classes or labs.

There’s a lot of pressure in trying to craft the strongest Yale application possible. It can feel like there’s too much Yale to fit into the word count. Nevertheless, if you’re strategic with your details and concise in your wording, and use the Why Yale essay examples above to help guide you, you can do it. And if you’re still unsure after reading our resources on Why Yale essay examples and other Yale essays that worked, you can always connect with our team for personalized admissions help.

This article on Why Yale Essay Examples was written by Gina Goosby . Looking for more admissions support? Click here to schedule a free meeting with one of our Admissions Specialists. During your meeting, our team will discuss your profile and help you find targeted ways to increase your admissions odds at top schools. We’ll also answer any questions and discuss how CollegeAdvisor.com can support you in the college application process.

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Home Essay Samples Life

Essay Samples on Someone Who Inspires Me

At its core, inspiration is a powerful force that ignites passion, propels dreams, and molds individuals into extraordinary beings. It is the vibrant pulse that surges through our veins, pushing us to achieve greatness even in the face of adversity. Crafting an essay about someone who inspires you allows you to shine a spotlight on the transformative power of such individuals.

How to Write an Essay on Someone Who Inspires Me

Here are some useful example you shpuld consider when writing a college essay about someone who inspires you:

• Consider beginning with a heartfelt introduction that captivates the reader’s attention and sets the stage for the awe-inspiring journey to come.
• Share a personal anecdote or a defining moment that sparked the connection between you and your inspirational figure, allowing the reader to empathize with your experience.
• Delve into the qualities and actions that make this individual so inspiring. Explore their accomplishments, perseverance, and unwavering determination. Showcase how their words and deeds have impacted your life, shaping your values and aspirations. Be vivid and descriptive, illustrating the profound influence they have had on your personal growth and development.
• Weave in personal reflections throughout your essay. Share introspective thoughts and revelations, highlighting the lessons you have learned and the ways in which your perspective has evolved. By doing so, you invite the reader to embark on a transformative journey alongside you, creating a powerful emotional connection.

To aid you in your writing process, we provide a sample essay about someone who inspires you. It serves as a guiding light, illustrating the structure, tone, and depth needed to craft an outstanding piece. Drawing inspiration from this sample, embrace your unique voice, infuse your essay with passion, and let your words leave an indelible mark on the hearts and minds of the readers.

A Bond Beyond Words: Reflecting on My Relationship with Someone Special

There are moments in life when we cross paths with someone who transforms our world in inexplicable ways. For me, that person is someone special who has walked alongside me, sharing laughter, tears, and countless memories. Our relationship is a testament to the beauty of...

• Someone Who Inspires Me

A Beacon of Inspiration: A Descriptive Peace about the Person I Admire

Amidst the myriad of individuals who have crossed the path of my life, there is one who stands as a beacon of inspiration, illuminating the way with her unwavering determination, boundless compassion, and unyielding spirit. Her name is Emma, and her presence in my life...

A Person I Will Always Remember: My English Teacher

Throughout our lives, we encounter countless individuals who leave a lasting impact on us. Among them, there is always that one person who stands out — a person whose presence, actions, and words etch a permanent mark in our memories. In this essay, I will...

• Influential Person

My Grandmother as My Role Model: Her Role in Shaping My Identity

The identities of Americans are diversified. One’s identity is made up of a person's culture, heritage, personality, and how they strive to succeed. The identity of a person is created, through the hardships faced and their history, whether it is that one is born in...

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• Grandparent

My Role Model and My Heroes: Mother and Father

Heroes can have a massive superb have an effect on on your life. My heroes are my mother and my dad. They are heroes to me each day and I have continually seemed up to them. I have always wanted to be just like my...

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Audrey Hepburn: Life Of A Timeless Inspiration Of Mine

When I think of an individual who I look up to and aspire to emulate, the first person that comes to mind is Audrey Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn’s career in both entertainment and humanitarian work is a path I know I will follow because it is...

• Audrey Hepburn

Oprah Winfrey and Ariana Grande: Women That Inspire Me

Oprah Winfrey was born in Mississippi on January 29,1954. Her parents were not married and broke up soon after she was born. Oprah Winfrey’s grandmother was strict and gave her plenty of discipline as she grew up on an isolated farm. Her grandmother taught her...

• Oprah Winfrey

St. Bernadette: The Woman That Inspires Me

The qualities that St. Bernadette of Soubirous has that I admire are; being humble, being modest, being obedient, and loving. I admire these qualities because they make a person better. Saint Bernadette was modest and humble because, she didn’t brag about seeing Mother Mary, and...

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Simone De Beauvoir One of the Greatest Woman

Simone-Ernestine-Lucie-Marie-Bertrand de Beauvoir was a French writer, political activist, feminist thinker and existentialist philosopher. She had worked alongside other famous existentialist such as Jean-Paul Sartre, Albert Camus and Maurice Merleau-Ponty and was able to produce wonderful works such as She Came to Stay, Pyrrhus and...

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Ned Kelly: American Hero Or Villain

Ned Kelly was a bushranger and was born in June 1855 at Beveridge, Victoria. His father was John Kelly and his mother was Ellen Kelly. Ned became the father of his family at a very young age because of his fathers early death. In 1869...

Joan of Arc One of the Most Heroic Women in French History

Joan of Arc was one of the most heroic women in French history. She has claimed to hear voices that told her to lead France in the Hundred Years War leading France to some victories. Although some believe that the Joan of Arc heard the...

• Joan of Arc

Who Inspired Me to Become a Nurse

To me, nursing is a selfless job. You put the patients’ needs before yours to provide them with the care that they deserve. As a nurse, you are the healing hands. With the energy, compassion, and dedication you build with the patients, you make a...

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Mary Kom, The Person Who Inspired Me to Pursue My Dreams

A question simply arises in my mind that how someone can be a great leader. I thought on this and then I came across various leadership qualities which leaders are having in them. Let me explain first about the leadership qualities. Leader is a word...

The People Who Shaped Me

At a young age of 7, I subconsciously started noticing my mom reminisce about her past and it made me see the way music connected her to her roots and in a way, made her human. It was waking up and witnessing a scene that...

Three People Who Influenced Me Throughout My Life

My parents are undeniably the people who gave me the most profound influence. I would not talk about them separately because they are truly in one flesh. My parents met each other at bible college, and after they married, they served in church and drug...

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Life Lessons in the Diary of Anne Frank

Anne Frank was a 13-year-old Jewish that has made a big impact on people around the world. Making us realize the crimes we create are destroying all of humanity just because some of us have different views and beliefs are certain things. If you don't...

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The Diary of Anne Frank by Frances Goodrich: An Inspiration to All  

How would one respond to the most miserable and unpromising situation? In The Diary of Anne Frank by Frances Goodrich and Albert Hackett, the main character, Anne Frank, is deprived of her freedom and forced to hide in a secret annex. As a Jewish girl...

Tara Curb, Her Acts of Kindness Association, and Her Unique Vision of Kindness

It is a late-afternoon, November 7, 2019, on a freezing thirty-five degree and gloomy Thursday at the University of Oklahoma Bizzell Memorial Library. In one of the conference rooms held a Acts of Kindness Association meeting. Running the organization meeting was a smart young woman,...

Biography of Jackie Robinson - National Hero

“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” (Jackie Robinson). In the United States in the 1940s, segregation was the way of life. You probably know Jackie Robinson as number 42; the first black man to play major league...

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Life And Art Of Andy Warhol

I remember the first time I saw Andy Warhol’s artworks was about ten years ago at an exhibition in Taipei, Taiwan. At that time, I was not a big fan of Andy Warhol and I didn’t understand why all the works that only show some...

• Andy Warhol

Best topics on Someone Who Inspires Me

1. A Bond Beyond Words: Reflecting on My Relationship with Someone Special

2. A Beacon of Inspiration: A Descriptive Peace about the Person I Admire

3. A Person I Will Always Remember: My English Teacher

4. My Grandmother as My Role Model: Her Role in Shaping My Identity

5. My Role Model and My Heroes: Mother and Father

6. Audrey Hepburn: Life Of A Timeless Inspiration Of Mine

7. Oprah Winfrey and Ariana Grande: Women That Inspire Me

8. St. Bernadette: The Woman That Inspires Me

9. Simone De Beauvoir One of the Greatest Woman

10. Ned Kelly: American Hero Or Villain

11. Joan of Arc One of the Most Heroic Women in French History

12. Who Inspired Me to Become a Nurse

13. Mary Kom, The Person Who Inspired Me to Pursue My Dreams

14. The People Who Shaped Me

15. Three People Who Influenced Me Throughout My Life

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• Career Goals
• Personal Experience

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Yale Supplemental Essays 2023-24 Prompts & Advice

August 17, 2023

Yale’s acceptance rate of 4.35% for the Class of 2027 is not the type of number you want to simply glide past as you proceed through the application with blind optimism. It is not our intention to inject unnecessary anxiety and fear into the highly selective admissions process (you likely already have plenty of sources for that). Rather, we feel it is in your best interest to process the implications of the fact that there were 52,250 applicants to Yale in the 2022-23 cycle—many of whom were valedictorian or salutatorian of their respective high school class and brought 99th percentile SAT/ACT scores to the table, along with a dizzying list of extracurricular achievements. However, in the end, only 2,275 individuals were admitted. One thing all of those individuals had in common is that they composed stellar Yale supplemental essays.

(Want to learn more about How to Get Into Yale University? Visit our blog entitled:  How to Get Into Yale: Admissions Data and Strategies  for all of the most recent admissions data as well as tips for gaining acceptance.)

It will take perfect(ish) academic credentials to make it past the hyper-competitive “first cut” in the Yale application process. From there, you need to find a way to stand out from your place in a crowd of impeccably credentialed high schoolers. The numerous essays and short answer prompts required by Yale present one of the best opportunities you will have to stand out in the eyes of the admissions committee.

Yale Supplemental Essays for the 2023-24 Admissions Cycle

Yale supplemental essays: academic interests, 1)  students at yale have time to explore their academic interests before committing to one or more major fields of study.  many students either modify their original academic direction or change their minds entirely. as of this moment, what academic areas seem to fit your interests or goals most comfortably please indicate up to three from the  list  provided..

In this space, you are simply being asked to pick the three areas that you are most excited about and align with your background. There is likely some degree of overlap in your three areas of interest or, at least, some interdisciplinary connection that you envision. If so, you’ll have a chance to explain those connections in the next short answer…

2) Tell us about a topic or idea that excites you and is related to one or more academic areas you selected above. Why are you drawn to it? (200 words or fewer)

This is the place to succinctly and effectively explain why your area(s) of academic interest have sparked your interest. Your answer should contain a narrative that shows the depth of your interest, when it began, how you have cultivated it, and where you see it going in the future. Common mistakes here include citing that you want to go into a particular area because it is prestigious, well-compensated, or will satisfy your parents.

Instead, focus on things like: How did you become interested in your chosen topic or idea? What books have you read on the subject? Which podcasts have you listened to? What museums have you visited? What interests and excites you most about it? Perhaps the words of former Yale President, Kingman Brewster (who has the most  Yale  name ever) best capture what this prompt aims to uncover: “I am inclined to believe that the person who gives every ounce to do something superbly has an advantage over the person whose capacities may be great but who seems to have no desire to stretch them to their limit.”

Yale Supplemental Essays: Short Takes and Essays

1) what is it about yale that has led you to apply (125 words or fewer).

When penning a “Why Us?” essay, you want to avoid areas that will be touched upon by tens of thousands of your peers. These include the following: how “prestigious” Yale is, how highly it is ranked by  U.S.   News , or how beautiful the campus is. Rather, you want to be incredibly specific in citing reasons why Yale is the perfect academic and social home for you. This will likely include discussing particular:

• Academic programs
• Residential College experiences
• Study abroad opportunities
• Undergraduate research programs
• Yale’s mission and values.

All applicants must respond to the following four short answer questions. Responses should be no more than 200 characters (roughly 35 words).

1) What inspires you?

This can be relevant to the area of academic interest cited in the first Yale essay, but you want to avoid being redundant. This may be a bigger-picture idea, mission, or goal that undergirds much of what you want to do with your academic, career, and personal future. On the contrary, this entry can be completely outside of your academic/professional interests. It could be about a historical occurrence, the natural environment, or a philosophical/religious idea that you find inspirational. It could be focused on a musical artist that moves you, your pet cat, or a work of fiction. There are limitless possibilities to this one—if you follow your heart/gut, include the all-important “why,” and write with passion, you’ll nail this one.

Yale Supplemental Essays (Continued)

2) other than a family member, who is someone who has had a significant influence on you what has been the impact of their influence .

When you think about who has shaped your life—beyond your family members—who comes to find? Is it a friend, a teacher, a mentor, a coach, or a coworker? How has this person influenced, challenged, encouraged, or inspired you, and how has that impacted you as a person?

3) If you could teach any college course, write a book, or create an original piece of art of any kind, what would it be?

Yale has expanded its horizons this year to include books and art alongside college courses. If you opt to stick with the college course direction, know this is a chance for you to showcase the unique and distinct area where you are a genuine expert (or hope to become one). Make sure that the topic of your course is not overly broad (or currently offered). For inspiration, research some of the more interesting elective courses actually offered at Yale such as: The Criminal Mind, Is That Racist?, The Search for Extraterrestrial Life, and Cocktail Culture: The History, Ethics, and Aesthetics of Drink.

If you opt to discuss a prospective book or original piece of art, think about what type of book or artwork you would create. Chapbook? Biography of a particular historical figure? Novel that centers on a mother/daughter relationship? Sculpture involving found objects? Pen-and-ink drawing of your childhood home? Whatever you choose, your answer should reveal something about your interests, passions, or background.

4) What is something about you that is not included anywhere else in your application?

This is an opportunity to share something genuinely unique about yourself that may not shine through anywhere else on the application. The key to answering this one is to pick a key aspect of your personality/background that truly reveals something deep and meaningful about you. To accomplish that, first inventory what already appears on your application before deciding what’s not present. Is it your love of running? Thrifting? That you cook dinner with your sister every Friday? That you grow your own vegetables in the summer?

Furthermore, as you brainstorm, consider the following avenues:

• Your role in your family.
• Your role in your social group.
• A formative experience.
• A favorite food, place, object, item of clothing, etc.
• Cultural, religious, community influence.

Yale Supplemental Essays: Choose 1 of 3

Finally, you’ll have the opportunity to choose one of the following three prompt choices, which require a response of 400 words or fewer:

Option #1: Reflect on a time when you exchanged ideas about an important issue with someone holding an opposing view. Why did you find the experience meaningful?

It’s no secret that we live in a polarized culture, where there seems little room for constructive dialogue between individuals with competing viewpoints. This is a chance to show that you are an open-minded, intellectually curious, truth-seeking young person who is willing to engage in conversations/debates with people who hold opposing positions on important topics. One key thing to remember when addressing this prompt is that you don’t have to be the hero of the anecdote—in fact,  you  may be one who learned to expand their thinking. Most importantly, though, you’ll want to reflect on why this particular conversation was so important to you.

Option #2: Reflect on your membership in a community to which you feel connected. Why is this community meaningful to you? You may define community however you like.

First, remember that you are the boss of this prompt—you get to decide what “community” means to you, whether that’s a religious or ethnic community, your neighborhood, a sports team, club, or class, an online forum, your beach clean-up crew, or your four crazy, lovable aunts who constantly seem to be over dispensing advice and making lasagna. Pretty much everyone applying to Yale is deeply involved in a number of activities, both formal and informal, so your mission will be to bring your involvement to life. After you’ve described your chosen community, you’ll then, of course, need to tackle the ever-important “why?” Why do you appreciate this particular community? How has it impacted you?

Option #3: Reflect on an element of your personal experience that you feel will enrich your college. How has it shaped you?

This is an opportunity to share something about your background that you feel will positively impact Yale’s residential community. To do so, consider discussing how your role in your family, important aspects of your upbringing, or a particular cultural, religious, or community influence either impacted your core values and beliefs or helped develop a particularly important attribute.

How important are the Yale Supplemental Essays?

The Yale supplemental essays are “very important” to the evaluation process. Seven other factors are “very important.” These factors are: rigor of coursework, class rank, GPA, recommendations, talent/ability, character/personal qualities, and extracurricular activities. Clearly, Yale places enormous value on the quality of your supplemental essay.

Want personalized essay assistance with your Yale supplemental essays?

Lastly, if you are interested in working with one of College Transitions’ experienced and knowledgeable essay coaches as you craft your Yale supplemental essays, we encourage you to  get a quote  today.

• College Essay

Dave Bergman

Dave has over a decade of professional experience that includes work as a teacher, high school administrator, college professor, and independent educational consultant. He is a co-author of the books The Enlightened College Applicant (Rowman & Littlefield, 2016) and Colleges Worth Your Money (Rowman & Littlefield, 2020).

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