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Essay Samples on Fencing

Study on the mental game of fencing.

Fencing is one of the oldest sports existing, being one of the five sports that was part of the first Olympic Games. Around 1458, fencing wasn’t a sport, but an army training, but Domenico Angelo established in 1763 the first rules and made a sport...

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Examples of the Various Uses of a Replica Sword

The sword has the blade and the hilt. Replica swords are usually user display goods. There are several reasons that you may possibly wish to get a duplicate Sword forsake. Replica swords and weapons may vary in price from cheap to the exact costly, based...

The Presence of Psychology in Fencing and Other Sports

Fencing is one of the oldest sports existing, being one of the five sports that was part of the first Olympic games. Around 1458, fencing wasn’t a sport, but an army training, but Domenico Angelo established in 1763 the first rules and made a sport...

The Feisty Nature of Fencing Bouts: Their Origin and Techniques Used

A lot of the time when you ask someone what fencing is, they’ll either say “I don't know,” or think of literal fences. Since it’s not a very popular sport in America, only a small number of people know what it is and an even...

Fencing and Indoor Volleyball as Hand-In-Hand Sports

Fencing dates back thousands of years to 1200 BCE where swordsmanship was performed as a form of military training for war, combats between two people and pastime by the Romans, Persians, Greeks, and Germanic tribes (Evangelista, 2017). Throughout the Middle Ages, sword combat became a...

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Best topics on Fencing

1. Study On The Mental Game Of Fencing

2. Examples of the Various Uses of a Replica Sword

3. The Presence of Psychology in Fencing and Other Sports

4. The Feisty Nature of Fencing Bouts: Their Origin and Techniques Used

5. Fencing and Indoor Volleyball as Hand-In-Hand Sports

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Fencing College Essays Samples For Students

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Do you feel the need to check out some previously written College Essays on Fencing before you begin writing an own piece? In this free catalog of Fencing College Essay examples, you are given a fascinating opportunity to explore meaningful topics, content structuring techniques, text flow, formatting styles, and other academically acclaimed writing practices. Implementing them while crafting your own Fencing College Essay will surely allow you to finish the piece faster.

Presenting superb samples isn't the only way our free essays service can help students in their writing endeavors – our authors can also create from point zero a fully customized College Essay on Fencing that would make a genuine basis for your own academic work.

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How to Write a Non-Cliche College Essay About Sports + Examples

What’s covered:, what makes a sports essay cliche.

• How To Make Your Sports Essay Unique

Great Examples of College Essays About Sports

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You’ve been brainstorming essay topics for your college applications, and you think you’ve finally found the right one: an extended metaphor likening your experience on the field with overcoming personal struggles. The problem: many other students have this same thought. 

The purpose of a college essay is to make yourself stand out as a unique individual, but when students write about sports, they often blend in. Because of that, students are usually advised to pick a different topic.

That being said, it is possible to write a non-cliche college essay about sports if you put in a little extra effort. Read along to learn how to make your sports essay different from all the other sports essays.

Sports essays are cliche when they follow a standard trajectory. Some of these trajectories include writing a story about:

• An agonizing defeat
• Forging bonds with teammates
• Overcoming adversity
• Overcoming an injury
• Refusing to quit
• Victory during a big game

Because sports essays have very similar themes and “lessons learned,” it can be difficult to make your story stand out. These trajectories also often focus too much on the sport or storyline, and not enough on the writer’s reflections and personality.

As you write your essay, try to think about what your experience says about you rather than what you learned from your experience. You are more than just one lesson you learned!

(Keep in mind that the sports essay is not the only college essay cliche. Learn about other essay cliches and how to fix them in our complete guide).

How to Make Your Sports Essay Unique

1. focus on a specific moment or reflection..

The college essay is a way for students to humanize themselves to admissions officers. You do not feel human if you are describing yourself as just another player on the field!

One important way to make your essay about you (not just about sports) is by focusing on a specific moment in time and inviting the reader to join you in that moment. Explain to the reader what it would be like to be sitting in that locker room as you questioned the values of the other players on your team. Ask your reader to sit with you on the cot in the trainer’s room as your identity was stripped away from you when they said “your body can’t take this anymore.” Bring your reader to the dinner table and involve them in your family’s conversation about how sports were affecting your mental health and your treatment of those around you.

Intense descriptions of a specific experience will evoke emotions in your reader and allow them to connect with you and feel for you.

When in doubt, avoid anything that can be covered by ESPN. On ESPN, we see the games, we see the benches, we even see the locker rooms and training rooms. Take your reader somewhere different and show them something unique.

2. Use sports to point out broader themes in your life.

The main risk when writing about sports is neglecting to write about yourself. Before you get started, think about the main values that you want to express in your sports essay. Sports are simply your avenue for telling the reader what makes you unique. 

As a test, imagine if you were a pianist. Would you be able to talk about these same values? What if you were a writer? Or a chemist? Articulating your values is the end, and sports should simply be your means.

Some values that you might want to focus on:

• Autonomy (you want to be able to set your mind to anything and achieve it on your own)
• Growth (you seek improvement constantly)
• Curiosity (you are willing to try anything once)
• Vulnerability (you aren’t afraid to fail, as long as you give it your all)
• Community (you value the feedback of others and need camaraderie to succeed)
• Craft (you think that with deliberate care, anything can be perfected)
• Responsibility (you believe that you owe something to those around you and perhaps they also owe something to you)

You can use the ESPN check again to make sure that you are using sports as an avenue to show your depth.

Things ESPN covers: how a player reacts to defeat, how injuries affect a player’s gameplay/attitude, how players who don’t normally work well together are working together on their new team.

Things ESPN doesn’t cover: the conversation that a player had with their mother about fear of death before going into a big surgery (value: family and connection), the ways that the intense pressure to succeed consumed a player to the point they couldn’t be there for the people in their life (value: supporting others and community), the body image issues that weigh on a player’s mind when playing their sport and how they overcame those (value: health and growth).

3. Turn a cliche storyline on its head.

There’s no getting around the fact that sports essays are often cliche. But there is a way to confront the cliche head-on. For example, lots of people write essays about the lessons they learned from an injury, victory, and so on, but fewer students explain how they are embracing those lessons. 

Perhaps you learned that competition is overwhelming for you and you prefer teamwork, so you switched from playing basketball to playing Dungeons & Dragons. Maybe, when your softball career ended abruptly, you had to find a new identity and that’s when you became obsessed with your flower garden and decided to pursue botany. Or maybe, you have stuck with football through it all, but your junior-year mental health struggle showed you that football should be fun and you have since started a nonprofit for local children to healthily engage with sports.

If your story itself is more cliche, try bringing readers to the present moment with you and show why the cliche matters and what it did for you. This requires a fair amount of creativity. Ensure you’re not parroting a frequently used topic by really thinking deeply to find your own unique spin.

Night had robbed the academy of its daytime colors, yet there was comfort in the dim lights that cast shadows of our advances against the bare studio walls. Silhouettes of roundhouse kicks, spin crescent kicks, uppercuts and the occasional butterfly kick danced while we sparred. She approached me, eyes narrowed with the trace of a smirk challenging me. “Ready spar!” Her arm began an upward trajectory targeting my shoulder, a common first move. I sidestepped — only to almost collide with another flying fist. Pivoting my right foot, I snapped my left leg, aiming my heel at her midsection. The center judge raised one finger. 

There was no time to celebrate, not in the traditional sense at least. Master Pollard gave a brief command greeted with a unanimous “Yes, sir” and the thud of 20 hands dropping-down-and-giving-him-30, while the “winners” celebrated their victory with laps as usual. 

Three years ago, seven-thirty in the evening meant I was a warrior. It meant standing up straighter, pushing a little harder, “Yes, sir” and “Yes, ma’am”, celebrating birthdays by breaking boards, never pointing your toes, and familiarity. Three years later, seven-thirty in the morning meant I was nervous. 

The room is uncomfortably large. The sprung floor soaks up the checkerboard of sunlight piercing through the colonial windows. The mirrored walls further illuminate the studio and I feel the light scrutinizing my sorry attempts at a pas de bourrée, while capturing the organic fluidity of the dancers around me. “Chassé en croix, grand battement, pique, pirouette.” I follow the graceful limbs of the woman in front of me, her legs floating ribbons, as she executes what seems to be a perfect ronds de jambes. Each movement remains a negotiation. With admirable patience, Ms. Tan casts me a sympathetic glance.   

There is no time to wallow in the misery that is my right foot. Taekwondo calls for dorsiflexion; pointed toes are synonymous with broken toes. My thoughts drag me into a flashback of the usual response to this painful mistake: “You might as well grab a tutu and head to the ballet studio next door.” Well, here I am Master Pollard, unfortunately still following your orders to never point my toes, but no longer feeling the satisfaction that comes with being a third degree black belt with 5 years of experience quite literally under her belt. It’s like being a white belt again — just in a leotard and ballet slippers. 

But the appetite for new beginnings that brought me here doesn’t falter. It is only reinforced by the classical rendition of “Dancing Queen” that floods the room and the ghost of familiarity that reassures me that this new beginning does not and will not erase the past. After years spent at the top, it’s hard to start over. But surrendering what you are only leads you to what you may become. In Taekwondo, we started each class reciting the tenets: honor, courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, courage, humility, and knowledge, and I have never felt that I embodied those traits more so than when I started ballet. 

The thing about change is that it eventually stops making things so different. After nine different schools, four different countries, three different continents, fluency in Tamil, Norwegian, and English, there are more blurred lines than there are clear fragments. My life has not been a tactfully executed, gold medal-worthy Taekwondo form with each movement defined, nor has it been a series of frappés performed by a prima ballerina with each extension identical and precise, but thankfully it has been like the dynamics of a spinning back kick, fluid, and like my chances of landing a pirouette, unpredictable. 

Why it works:

What’s especially powerful about this essay is that the author uses detailed imagery to convey a picture of what they’re experiencing, so much so that the reader is along for the ride. This works as a sports essay not only because of the language and sensory details, but also because the writer focuses on a specific moment in time, while at the same time exploring why Taekwondo is such an important part of their life.

After the emotional image is created, the student finishes their essay with valuable reflection. With the reflection, they show admissions officers that they are mature and self-aware. Self-awareness comes through with statements like “surrendering what you are only leads you to what you may become” and maturity can be seen through the student’s discussion of values “honor, courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, courage, humility, and knowledge, and I have never felt that I embodied those traits more so than when I started ballet.” These are the kinds of comments that should find their way into a sports essay!

“Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one. 

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we compete with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

In the beginning, you might think this is another cliche sports essay about overcoming adversity. But instead, it becomes a unique statement and coming-of-age tale that reads as a suspenseful narrative. 

The author connects their experience with martial arts to larger themes in their life but manages to do so without riffing off of tried-and-true themes. Through statements like “I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was” we learn about the students values and their desire to be there for those who depend on them. 

The student also brings it full circle, demonstrating their true transformation. By using the “Same, but Different” ending technique , the student places themself in the same environment that we saw in the intro, but experiences it differently due to their actions throughout the narrative. This is very compelling!

“1…2…3…4 pirouettes! New record!” My friends cheered as I landed my turns. Pleased with my progress, I gazed down at my worn-out pointe shoes. The sweltering blisters, numbing ice-baths, and draining late-night practices did not seem so bad after all. Next goal: five turns.

For as long as I can remember, ballet, in all its finesse and glamor, had kept me driven day to day. As a child, the lithe ballerinas, donning ethereal costumes as they floated across the stage, were my motivation. While others admired Messi and Adele, I idolized Carlos Acosta, principal dancer of the Royal Ballet. 

As I devoted more time and energy towards my craft, I became obsessed with improving my technique. I would stretch for hours after class, forcing my leg one inch higher in an effort to mirror the Dance Magazine cover girls. I injured my feet and ruined pair after pair of pointe shoes, turning on wood, cement, and even grass to improve my balance as I spun. At competitions, the dancers with the 180-degree leg extensions, endless turns, and soaring leaps—the ones who received “Bravos!” from the roaring audience—further pushed me to refine my skills and perfect my form. I believed that, with enough determination, I would one day attain their level of perfection. Reaching the quadruple-pirouette milestone only intensified my desire to accomplish even more. 

My efforts seemed to have come to fruition two summers ago when I was accepted to dance with Moscow’s Bolshoi Ballet at their renowned New York City summer intensive. I walked into my first session eager to learn from distinguished ballet masters and worldly dancers, already anticipating my improvement. Yet, as I danced alongside the accomplished ballerinas, I felt out of place. Despite their clean technique and professional training, they did not aim for glorious leg extensions or prodigious leaps. When they performed their turn combinations, most of them only executed two turns as I attempted four. 

“Dancers, double-pirouettes only.” 

Taken aback and confused, I wondered why our teacher expected so little from us. The other ballerinas seemed content, gracing the studio with their simple movements. 

As I grew closer with my Moscow roommates, I gradually learned that their training emphasized the history of the art form instead of stylistic tricks. Rather than show off their physical ability, their performances aimed to convey a story, one that embodied the rich culture of ballet and captured both the legacy of the dancers before them and their own artistry. As I observed my friends more intently in repertoire class, I felt the pain of the grief-stricken white swan from Swan Lake, the sass of the flirtatious Kitri from Don Quijote, and I gradually saw what I had overlooked before. My definition of talent had been molded by crowd-pleasing elements—whirring pirouettes, gravity-defying leaps, and mind-blowing leg extensions. This mindset slowly stripped me from the roots of my passion and my personal connection with ballet. 

With the Bolshoi, I learned to step back and explore the meaning behind each step and the people behind the scenes. Ballet carries history in its movements, from the societal values of the era to each choreographer’s unique flair. As I uncovered the messages behind each pirouette, kick, and jump, my appreciation for ballet grew beyond my obsession with raw athleticism and developed into a love for the art form’s emotive abilities in bridging the dancers with the audience. My journey as an artist has allowed me to see how technical execution is only the means to a greater understanding between dancer and spectator, between storyteller and listener. The elegance and complexity of ballet does not revolve around astonishing stunts but rather the evocative strength and artistry manifested in the dancer, in me. It is the combination of sentiments, history, tradition, and passion that has allowed ballet and its lessons of human connection to become my lifestyle both on and off stage.

This essay is about lessons. While the author is a dancer, this narrative isn’t really about ballet, per se — it’s about the author’s personal growth. It is purposefully reflective as the student shows a nice character arc that begins with an eager young ballerina and ends with a reflection on their past. The primary strength of this essay is the honesty and authenticity that the student approaches it with.

In the end, the student turns a cliche on its head as they embrace the idea of overcoming adversity and demonstrate how the adversity, in this case, was their own stereotypes about their art. It’s beautiful!

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay uses the idea of sports to explore a more profound topic—growing through relationships. They really embrace using sports as an avenue to tell the reader about a specific experience that changed the way they approach the world. 

The emphasis on relationships is why this essay works well and doesn’t fall into a cliche. The narrator grows not because of their experience with track but because of their relationship with their coach, who inspired them to evolve and become a leader.

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October 17, 2022

Fencing in Ivy League Admissions

Thinking about getting your child a foil, épée, or sabre so they can start fencing and earn admission to the college of their dreams? A piece out today in The New York Times focuses on how competitive fencing can be a pathway to elite universities and how many parents sign their children up to start fencing in the hope of booking a ticket to elite universities, including the Ivy League institutions.

As Stephanie Saul reports for The New York Times in a piece entitled “ Fencing Can be Six-Figure Expensive, but It Wins in College Admissions ,” “For families who invest in this expensive sport, the main target is quite clear — just look up. Hanging from the ceiling are flags from Duke, Harvard, N.Y.U., Johns Hopkins, Notre Dame, Princeton and Columbia, representing the clique of colleges and universities with N.C.A.A. fencing teams. A way with a sword can help students stand out in the college admissions game, according to Yury Gelman, founder of the Manhattan Fencing Center.”

But, respectfully, we beg to offer another perspective on the reporting in The Paper of Record . Sure, recruited fencers to the aforementioned universities improve their chances in admission by virtue of being recruited athletes. But it’s not like the fencing coaches at these universities have the pull of, say, the baseball, basketball, hockey, or football coaches. It’s not like they have the pull of the soccer or lacrosse coaches. Do you think having a strong fencing team inspires droves of students to come out of their dorms and cheer on their school on a lazy Saturday afternoon? Do you think having a strong fencing team inspires millions of dollars of alumni donations? Of course not .

And what percentage of young people who compete in fencing growing up end up getting recruited by these schools? Like in any sport, the answer is a small percentage . Yet when so many students — and especially so many Asian American students in particular — participate in fencing, there’s an opportunity cost. What could these young people have been doing while they were fencing that would have improved their chances of admission to elite universities? What could they have been doing to better differentiate themselves in the competitive landscape of elite college admissions?

Loyal readers of Ivy Coach’s college admissions blog know well that admissions officers at elite universities, including the Ivies, so often unknowingly discriminate against Asian American applicants. It’s not that they mean to discriminate. Admissions officers, like all people, are impacted by implicit biases. Yet a big reason why the Asian American students of Ivy Coach don’t face that same discrimination is because they don’t present profiles that are so often regrettably associated with their race. And, yes, fencing is often associated with Asian American applicants.

So, no, the title of the piece in The Paper of Record , we argue, is rather misleading. Fencing doesn’t necessarily win in college admissions — any more so than baseball or football, tennis or squash. In fact, fencing can often lose in college admissions since the game is differentiation. In short, it’s not the golden ticket.

While you’re here, read about the country club sports of the Ivy League .

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Fencing in Universities: How to Apply Your Passion to Your College Application

December 29, 2023

Fencing in College: How to Apply Fencing to Your Applications

Fencing has a long, storied history, and while it has been practiced for many, many decades, it remains one of the rarer sports being played today. But despite this, and its reputation for being a sport of the "higher classes," fencing is becoming more and more popular, and accessible, every year for people of all ages and backgrounds.

Many schools in the United States are picking up fencing as an extracurricular, and its growing popularity has seen groups such as USA Fencing partnering with those of us in the education industry to help make fencing more approachable for children and students.

But fencing can be more than just a hobby or sports club. For those that wish to excel in fencing, utilizing the right strategies can help make a big impact on a student’s academic career. And here at InGenius Prep, our goal is to help equip students and young athletes with the edge they need to succeed in their pursuits for higher education. So, in partnership with USA Fencing, we’re here to bring you the best in college admissions counseling and an introduction to fencing in higher education. 

History of Fencing in Education

Existing throughout most of the history of medieval Europe, fencing in its modern iteration came about between the 16th and 17th centuries. During this era, Henry VIII gave rights to The Company of Masters to organize and run fencing schools across 1500s England. In the 17th century, schools across France were founded and began offering lessons on sword fighting. Since then, fencing has had a reputation as a sport of nobility for its discipline and elegance.

Around the time of the late 19th century, fencing's rise in popularity saw the emergence of several organized competitions, and recognized fencing associations also began to appear in France, England, and the United States.

In the United States, Collegiate Fencing began rising in prominence during WWII with Ivy League schools beginning their programs and competing with athletes from other institutes. Years later, the first official Ivy League fencing competition was played at Columbia University in 1956, with Columbia facing off against Princeton, Penn, Yale, Cornell, and Harvard.

Since the 50s, many more schools have adopted fencing, and the barriers to entry are lessening year over year. In 2023, despite remaining a relatively rare sport compared to others, fencing has hundreds of clubs, programs, and varsity teams established across the US. In terms of ease of access, there has never been a better time to begin fencing than now.

How Fencing Can Boost Your College Admissions Chances

While fencing has been steadily growing in prominence over the decades, when it comes to popularity, it is well overshadowed by other sports in the United States.

The National Federation of State High School Associations reported about 4,000 students practicing fencing in the 2019-2020 school year. In comparison, the NFHS reports about 1 million high school football players in the same year.

In terms of widespread adoption, fencing is far from the biggest sport in the nation, which may lead to less accessibility and fewer opportunities to excel. However, this rarity also brings its unique opportunities that other sports don't have.

Top colleges look for students who stand out, who excel in unique and interesting endeavors, and whose passions drive them down roads less traveled. A student being a fencer before applying for college makes them a unique candidate among their peers. A fencer that has achieved numerous accolades is even rarer still and is sure to turn the heads of admissions officers who are reviewing hundreds and hundreds of candidates each year--looking for those chosen few that bring something new to the table.

On top of being a less common sport, fencing's reputation may also give a student the edge they need during the admissions process. Not only does fencing have that reputation of being a sport of a "higher class" with an Ivy League history, but fencing is a sport that focuses primarily on quick thinking, strategy, and mental acuity in a way that is unique among sports. This niche, academic approach to athleticism not only showcases one's precision, dedication, and discipline but also demonstrates one's intellectual performance, which are qualities that admissions officers constantly search for in their applicants. Paired with high test scores, this paints a picture of a student equally proficient in academics as they are in athletics.

And for those who wish to pursue fencing to greater heights, the sport's rarity lends itself to higher chances of recruitment. This, among the unique traits that come with being a dedicated fencer, may greatly increase the chances of being noticed by an admissions officer and accepted into the school of your choice. While this can certainly make a difference, how effective it is depends on how well one implements application strategy during the admissions process. 

How to Apply Fencing to College Applications, Scholarships, and Recruitment

If you are a high school student that is also a fencer, then it is paramount to apply your experience optimally to gain the best opportunities for success.

Students who stand out, who can make a difference in the student body, and whose unique character can contribute to a more well-rounded class are the type of candidates that college admissions officers are looking for when they do their reviews.

So, during your college applications, here are a few strategies to catch the attention of admissions officers:

Extracurricular Activities:

For those meaning to excel in fencing as their goal, being a part of extracurriculars is essential for gaining the attention of admissions officers and recruiters. 

Students should invest themselves in events that showcase their talent and dedication to their field, and for fencing, this includes tournaments, competitions, awards, and charity programs. 

Some of these events can include competitions such as Regional and Super Youth Circuit (RYC) & (SYC), Junior Olympic Championships, and USA Fencing National Championships. Awards can include the USA Fencing High School All-American Program. And some charities include the Fencing in the School and the Fencing For All foundation. Experiences such as these will help paint the picture of why you are an interesting candidate deserving of an acceptance letter.

Personal Statement:

Tailoring your personal statement to your fencing journey is essential for Ivy League applications. In your statement, highlight how fencing has instilled strategic thinking, resilience, and aided in your own personal development. These are the attributes that the top institutions are looking for in their student body, and this is one of the best ways to leave an impression on the college admissions officers that will be reviewing your application. 

Express how fencing has nurtured your leadership skills, teamwork, and your perspective on the sport and on your community. In your statement, you should emphasize the specific lessons you learned from your time fencing and how it has helped you grow as a scholar and as a person—especially in a way that transcends the boundary of the sport itself. 

In this section, it is important to tell a story and create an overarching theme that is not only compelling, but that will make an impression on an admissions officer that will keep you in their minds while they choose which applicants to consider for acceptance.

Letters of Recommendation:

A strong candidate has made not only an impact on themselves, but on the people around them. Letters of recommendation can include coaches, teammates, teachers, counselors, and anyone who was involved in your experiences and journey.

Through all of the accomplishments you've made and showcased in your extracurricular section, the letter of recommendation is where you allow others to make the case for you and highlight how your accomplishments have made an overall positive impact.

Scholarships:

This is where fencing's rarity as a sport may also become a strength. Some scholarships are available especially for fencing, and being a student fencer opens this door to exclusive scholarships. While the competition may be high, this is one of those advantages only available to those that practice the sport, and it should be taken advantage of as you select which colleges you’re interested in. 

Collegescholarships.org , the Fencers Club , and USA Fencing are all resources you can use to seek opportunities and advance yourself in your fencing career.

Local clubs and organizations may also offer opportunities exclusive to students in your area, so be sure to pursue all the advantages at your disposal.

Recruitment:

Despite relative rarity, getting recruited to play any sport is still a harrowing task. As a student fencer, there will be many other students vying for the same position in your league, so expect the process to be challenging and competitive.

Ideally, begin the process early and research colleges and programs that interest you. Narrow your search among the NCAA schools that offer Division I and Division III recruitment. Winter of Junior year is the ideal time to begin the application process. Contact coaches from the schools of your choice, introducing yourself and your passion for the sport, along with your achievements, academic performance, and fencing resume—templates of which are available online.

Attending camps, tournaments, and other events where fencing coaches may be attending is also a good method to get noticed and scouted—given your prowess and personality are on par with your peers. Not only that, attending these events ought to be part of our journey regardless and a good key-point to highlight in your college application.

For fencing, the type you play and the club you are a part of are essential for getting recruited and for getting accepted at a top school. For these purposes, USA Fencing offers rankings and resources to help students place their skill and further their athletics goals. 

Fencing is a unique sport that allows students the opportunity to stand out amongst their peers and make an impression on college admissions officers. The sport’s rarity, focus on discipline, and paths to exclusive opportunities gives the students who practice it a distinct edge in the competitive landscape of college admissions and in academia as a whole. Showcasing your experiences, dedication, and passion for the art of fencing is a must to maximize your chances of success and get accepted to your school of choice. 

If you are seeking further guidance on how to incorporate fencing into your college application and build a strong candidacy to get you accepted into your school of choice, consider our services at InGenius Prep where our team of former admissions officers and college admissions consultants will give you first-hand knowledge on the college admissions process and unlock your potential as a candidate for higher education at the top Ivy League schools. 

With InGenius Prep’s groundbreaking partnership with USA Fencing, we are uniquely qualified to help you achieve your academic and fencing goals. Sign up for a free strategy call today and let us help you turn your passion for fencing into a winning asset for your college applications. 

Tags : sports , high school extracurriculars , Personal Essay , personal statement tips , junior year , when should i apply to college , sports recruitment , Division I , college application tips , Division III , high school activities , NCAA

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My story on a fencing strip lucy yang, some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. if this sounds like you, then please share your story..

My eyes only followed the two figures, donned in white, squat-walking back, forth, extend, stab. I watched as the fencers calculated their every movement with precision and speed. What do the arm movements of the ref mean? How do I know when someone scored a point? Ow. That looked like it hurt. Did it hurt? Although my knowledge was limited, fencing in its rawest form would not only spark my passion for the sport, but also mold my mindset on facing challenges in the years to come. As a sophomore, I tried out for the varsity team on a whim, attempting to escape the comfort zone I’d locked myself within. Others saw a clueless little girl gazing at a sport she didn’t understand anything about (which was certainly true), but what I saw intrigued me enough to make me want to try. In retrospect, the lessons I learned from my teammates when I started fencing rooted themselves within my character and haven’t left since.

“You can lunge a lot farther than that. Don’t underestimate yourself!”

It was through fencing that I first discovered the importance of self-confidence, particularly in athletic mentality. It took months of practice before I could fence a bout without feeling the weight of judgmental eyes towering over me. As I cheered...

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Sat / act prep online guides and tips, 177 college essay examples for 11 schools + expert analysis.

College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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How to Write a College Essay | A Complete Guide & Examples

The college essay can make or break your application. It’s your chance to provide personal context, communicate your values and qualities, and set yourself apart from other students.

A standout essay has a few key ingredients:

• A unique, personal topic
• A compelling, well-structured narrative
• A clear, creative writing style
• Evidence of self-reflection and insight

To achieve this, it’s crucial to give yourself enough time for brainstorming, writing, revision, and feedback.

In this comprehensive guide, we walk you through every step in the process of writing a college admissions essay.

Table of contents

Why do you need a standout essay, start organizing early, choose a unique topic, outline your essay, start with a memorable introduction, write like an artist, craft a strong conclusion, revise and receive feedback, frequently asked questions.

While most of your application lists your academic achievements, your college admissions essay is your opportunity to share who you are and why you’d be a good addition to the university.

Your college admissions essay accounts for about 25% of your application’s total weight一and may account for even more with some colleges making the SAT and ACT tests optional. The college admissions essay may be the deciding factor in your application, especially for competitive schools where most applicants have exceptional grades, test scores, and extracurriculars.

What do colleges look for in an essay?

Admissions officers want to understand your background, personality, and values to get a fuller picture of you beyond your test scores and grades. Here’s what colleges look for in an essay :

• Demonstrated values and qualities
• Vulnerability and authenticity
• Self-reflection and insight
• Creative, clear, and concise writing skills

Prevent plagiarism. Run a free check.

It’s a good idea to start organizing your college application timeline in the summer of your junior year to make your application process easier. This will give you ample time for essay brainstorming, writing, revision, and feedback.

While timelines will vary for each student, aim to spend at least 1–3 weeks brainstorming and writing your first draft and at least 2–4 weeks revising across multiple drafts. Remember to leave enough time for breaks in between each writing and editing stage.

Create an essay tracker sheet

If you’re applying to multiple schools, you will have to juggle writing several essays for each one. We recommend using an essay tracker spreadsheet to help you visualize and organize the following:

• Deadlines and number of essays needed
• Prompt overlap, allowing you to write one essay for similar prompts

You can build your own essay tracker using our free Google Sheets template.

College essay tracker template

Ideally, you should start brainstorming college essay topics the summer before your senior year. Keep in mind that it’s easier to write a standout essay with a unique topic.

If you want to write about a common essay topic, such as a sports injury or volunteer work overseas, think carefully about how you can make it unique and personal. You’ll need to demonstrate deep insight and write your story in an original way to differentiate it from similar essays.

What makes a good topic?

• Meaningful and personal to you
• Uncommon or has an unusual angle
• Reveals something different from the rest of your application

Brainstorming questions

You should do a comprehensive brainstorm before choosing your topic. Here are a few questions to get started:

• What are your top five values? What lived experiences demonstrate these values?
• What adjectives would your friends and family use to describe you?
• What challenges or failures have you faced and overcome? What lessons did you learn from them?
• What makes you different from your classmates?
• What are some objects that represent your identity, your community, your relationships, your passions, or your goals?
• Whom do you admire most? Why?
• What three people have significantly impacted your life? How did they influence you?

How to identify your topic

Here are two strategies for identifying a topic that demonstrates your values:

• Start with your qualities : First, identify positive qualities about yourself; then, brainstorm stories that demonstrate these qualities.
• Start with a story : Brainstorm a list of memorable life moments; then, identify a value shown in each story.

After choosing your topic, organize your ideas in an essay outline , which will help keep you focused while writing. Unlike a five-paragraph academic essay, there’s no set structure for a college admissions essay. You can take a more creative approach, using storytelling techniques to shape your essay.

Two common approaches are to structure your essay as a series of vignettes or as a single narrative.

Vignettes structure

The vignette, or montage, structure weaves together several stories united by a common theme. Each story should demonstrate one of your values or qualities and conclude with an insight or future outlook.

This structure gives the admissions officer glimpses into your personality, background, and identity, and shows how your qualities appear in different areas of your life.

Topic: Museum with a “five senses” exhibit of my experiences

• Introduction: Tour guide introduces my museum and my “Making Sense of My Heritage” exhibit
• Story: Racial discrimination with my eyes
• Lesson: Using my writing to document truth
• Story: Broadway musical interests
• Lesson: Finding my voice
• Story: Smells from family dinner table
• Lesson: Appreciating home and family
• Story: Washing dishes
• Lesson: Finding moments of peace in busy schedule
• Story: Biking with Ava
• Lesson: Finding pleasure in job well done
• Conclusion: Tour guide concludes tour, invites guest to come back for “fall College Collection,” featuring my search for identity and learning.

Single story structure

The single story, or narrative, structure uses a chronological narrative to show a student’s character development over time. Some narrative essays detail moments in a relatively brief event, while others narrate a longer journey spanning months or years.

Single story essays are effective if you have overcome a significant challenge or want to demonstrate personal development.

Topic: Sports injury helps me learn to be a better student and person

• Situation: Football injury
• Challenge: Friends distant, teachers don’t know how to help, football is gone for me
• Turning point: Starting to like learning in Ms. Brady’s history class; meeting Christina and her friends
• My reactions: Reading poetry; finding shared interest in poetry with Christina; spending more time studying and with people different from me
• Insight: They taught me compassion and opened my eyes to a different lifestyle; even though I still can’t play football, I’m starting a new game

Brainstorm creative insights or story arcs

Regardless of your essay’s structure, try to craft a surprising story arc or original insights, especially if you’re writing about a common topic.

Never exaggerate or fabricate facts about yourself to seem interesting. However, try finding connections in your life that deviate from cliché storylines and lessons.

Admissions officers read thousands of essays each year, and they typically spend only a few minutes reading each one. To get your message across, your introduction , or hook, needs to grab the reader’s attention and compel them to read more..

Avoid starting your introduction with a famous quote, cliché, or reference to the essay itself (“While I sat down to write this essay…”).

While you can sometimes use dialogue or a meaningful quotation from a close family member or friend, make sure it encapsulates your essay’s overall theme.

Find an original, creative way of starting your essay using the following two methods.

Option 1: Start with an intriguing hook

Begin your essay with an unexpected statement to pique the reader’s curiosity and compel them to carefully read your essay. A mysterious introduction disarms the reader’s expectations and introduces questions that can only be answered by reading more.

Option 2: Start with vivid imagery

Illustrate a clear, detailed image to immediately transport your reader into your memory. You can start in the middle of an important scene or describe an object that conveys your essay’s theme.

A college application essay allows you to be creative in your style and tone. As you draft your essay, try to use interesting language to enliven your story and stand out .

Show, don’t tell

“Tell” in writing means to simply state a fact: “I am a basketball player.” “ Show ” in writing means to use details, examples, and vivid imagery to help the reader easily visualize your memory: “My heart races as I set up to shoot一two seconds, one second一and score a three-pointer!”

First, reflect on every detail of a specific image or scene to recall the most memorable aspects.

• What are the most prominent images?
• Are there any particular sounds, smells, or tastes associated with this memory?
• What emotion or physical feeling did you have at that time?

Be vulnerable to create an emotional response

You don’t have to share a huge secret or traumatic story, but you should dig deep to express your honest feelings, thoughts, and experiences to evoke an emotional response. Showing vulnerability demonstrates humility and maturity. However, don’t exaggerate to gain sympathy.

Use appropriate style and tone

Make sure your essay has the right style and tone by following these guidelines:

• Use a conversational yet respectful tone: less formal than academic writing, but more formal than texting your friends.
• Prioritize using “I” statements to highlight your perspective.
• Write within your vocabulary range to maintain an authentic voice.
• Write concisely, and use the active voice to keep a fast pace.
• Follow grammar rules (unless you have valid stylistic reasons for breaking them).

You should end your college essay with a deep insight or creative ending to leave the reader with a strong final impression. Your college admissions essay should avoid the following:

• Summarizing what you already wrote
• Stating your hope of being accepted to the school
• Mentioning character traits that should have been illustrated in the essay, such as “I’m a hard worker”

Here are two strategies to craft a strong conclusion.

Option 1: Full circle, sandwich structure

The full circle, or sandwich, structure concludes the essay with an image, idea, or story mentioned in the introduction. This strategy gives the reader a strong sense of closure.

In the example below, the essay concludes by returning to the “museum” metaphor that the writer opened with.

Option 2: Revealing your insight

You can use the conclusion to show the insight you gained as a result of the experiences you’ve described. Revealing your main message at the end creates suspense and keeps the takeaway at the forefront of your reader’s mind.

Revise your essay before submitting it to check its content, style, and grammar. Get feedback from no more than two or three people.

It’s normal to go through several rounds of revision, but take breaks between each editing stage.

Also check out our college essay examples to see what does and doesn’t work in an essay and the kinds of changes you can make to improve yours.

Respect the word count

Most schools specify a word count for each essay , and you should stay within 10% of the upper limit.

Remain under the specified word count limit to show you can write concisely and follow directions. However, don’t write too little, which may imply that you are unwilling or unable to write a thoughtful and developed essay.

Check your content, style, and grammar

• First, check big-picture issues of message, flow, and clarity.
• Then, check for style and tone issues.
• Finally, focus on eliminating grammar and punctuation errors.

Get feedback

Get feedback from 2–3 people who know you well, have good writing skills, and are familiar with college essays.

• Teachers and guidance counselors can help you check your content, language, and tone.
• Friends and family can check for authenticity.
• An essay coach or editor has specialized knowledge of college admissions essays and can give objective expert feedback.

The checklist below helps you make sure your essay ticks all the boxes.

College admissions essay checklist

I’ve organized my essay prompts and created an essay writing schedule.

I’ve done a comprehensive brainstorm for essay topics.

I’ve selected a topic that’s meaningful to me and reveals something different from the rest of my application.

I’ve created an outline to guide my structure.

I’ve crafted an introduction containing vivid imagery or an intriguing hook that grabs the reader’s attention.

I’ve written my essay in a way that shows instead of telling.

I’ve shown positive traits and values in my essay.

I’ve demonstrated self-reflection and insight in my essay.

I’ve used appropriate style and tone .

I’ve concluded with an insight or a creative ending.

I’ve revised my essay , checking my overall message, flow, clarity, and grammar.

I’ve respected the word count , remaining within 10% of the upper word limit.

Congratulations!

It looks like your essay ticks all the boxes. A second pair of eyes can help you take it to the next level – Scribbr's essay coaches can help.

Colleges want to be able to differentiate students who seem similar on paper. In the college application essay , they’re looking for a way to understand each applicant’s unique personality and experiences.

Your college essay accounts for about 25% of your application’s weight. It may be the deciding factor in whether you’re accepted, especially for competitive schools where most applicants have exceptional grades, test scores, and extracurricular track records.

A standout college essay has several key ingredients:

• A unique, personally meaningful topic
• A memorable introduction with vivid imagery or an intriguing hook
• Specific stories and language that show instead of telling
• Vulnerability that’s authentic but not aimed at soliciting sympathy
• Clear writing in an appropriate style and tone
• A conclusion that offers deep insight or a creative ending

While timelines will differ depending on the student, plan on spending at least 1–3 weeks brainstorming and writing the first draft of your college admissions essay , and at least 2–4 weeks revising across multiple drafts. Don’t forget to save enough time for breaks between each writing and editing stage.

You should already begin thinking about your essay the summer before your senior year so that you have plenty of time to try out different topics and get feedback on what works.

Most college application portals specify a word count range for your essay, and you should stay within 10% of the upper limit to write a developed and thoughtful essay.

You should aim to stay under the specified word count limit to show you can follow directions and write concisely. However, don’t write too little, as it may seem like you are unwilling or unable to write a detailed and insightful narrative about yourself.

If no word count is specified, we advise keeping your essay between 400 and 600 words.

Is this article helpful?

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• How to End a College Admissions Essay | 4 Winning Strategies
• How to Make Your College Essay Stand Out | Tips & Examples
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Art of Fencing, Art of Life

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8 Minutes to Make it into an Elite College – How Fencing Helps Applicants Stand Out

By Irina Chirashnya

On February 5, 2018

In For Parents

What we don’t often think about is how much time the universities themselves spend reviewing that application – the college admissions process is a bit of a mystical mystery! A recent article in the Wall Street Journal shed some light on how much time universities actually spend on those highly sought after applications, and it’s a timeline that’s surprising.

EIGHT MINUTES or less!

That’s right, top schools in the United States are increasingly overwhelmed with the numbers of applications that they receive. Where once it would be the case that schools would have one person read and entire application – transcripts, test scores, extracurricular activities, essays, and recommendations – those pieces are increasingly being put into an assembly line process where just one person reads each section. According to the piece in the WSJ, top schools like Rice University, the Georgia Institute of Technology, and Bucknell University in Pennsylvania have several people read their section at the same time, then they discuss what they read and make the call to move forward or not with the applicant. It all can take less than eight minutes. With this process, a panel can get through up to five hundred applications in a single day. That’s a number that’s hard to imagine!

What Eight Minute Reviews Mean

That kind of timeframe for the review of an application means that high school students who aspire to get into top schools need to do everything that they can to stand out. Their applications must have that special thing that draws the attention of the admissions officer that’s reading that section of their application. Keep in mind, in this process each section of that college application is read by one individual, and then a committee comes together to discuss their opinions.

It’s more important than ever that applications are well rounded.

Whichever admissions officer is reading the extra-curricular portion of the application process is going to see the same things over and over again. Applicants must participate in activities that give the reader that “whoa” or that “wow”. With this new trend in college admissions, it’s time to think in terms not only of getting something really fantastic in one area, but because there isn’t just a single reader, you’ve now got to impress a team.

This means having a strong:

• Resume – What is your impact on society? Did you save the penguins or feed a village?
• Essay – What is your feeling about how you fit into the world? Did you learn humility or passion?
• Recommendations – Did you get a recommendation from an accomplished person? A former world champion fencer or a teacher who graduated from the top school you want to attend?
• Academics – Were you able to balance the things that you do outside of the classroom with your school work? Did those grades and test scores show off your real intelligence?
• Extra-curriculars – Did you show that you stuck with something over the course of a long-time period? Did you represent the USA in the World Cup (which is possible in fencing)?

Fencing offers a special edge

Fencing is a niche sport , one that captures the imagination of everyone. It’s exciting and shows a dedication to learning something new and innovative.

Fencers who compete have the chance to work hard towards qualifications that show their accomplishment in the sport. Not only that, but because fencing is an individual sport, it’s clear that whatever those accomplishments are, they belong to the fencer alone and not to the whole team. Fencing showcases the individual’s accomplishment!

We know from experience that, while there is nothing that will guarantee that you get into the college of your choice, fencing is a sport that leaves an impression on college admissions officers. It’s unusual, and it has a competitive system that has so many opportunities to accomplish things that stand out on that extra-curricular section of the college resume!

What colleges really want to see, no matter what their admission process might be, is that a student has drive and passion. Their goal is to admit high school seniors who have demonstrated that they are able to succeed in stressful situations and to overcome obstacles. It doesn’t matter if the admissions office spends eight minutes or eighty minutes reviewing your application, they are always wanting to see that the you have what it takes to accomplish your goals.

Fencing gives high school students a sport that they can be passionate about, one that showcases how much they have to give in terms of discipline, focus, and drive. Those are skills that will bleed out onto other parts of the application as students feel confident in writing their essays and improve their academics. When colleges are looking for holistic applicants, they find them in fencers!  

Stand out, do what you love to do, and use it to build the future that you dream about! 

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Ultimate Guide to Writing Your College Essay

Tips for writing an effective college essay.

College admissions essays are an important part of your college application and gives you the chance to show colleges and universities your character and experiences. This guide will give you tips to write an effective college essay.

Want free help with your college essay?

UPchieve connects you with knowledgeable and friendly college advisors—online, 24/7, and completely free. Get 1:1 help brainstorming topics, outlining your essay, revising a draft, or editing grammar.

Writing a strong college admissions essay

Learn about the elements of a solid admissions essay.

Avoiding common admissions essay mistakes

Learn some of the most common mistakes made on college essays

Brainstorming tips for your college essay

Stuck on what to write your college essay about? Here are some exercises to help you get started.

How formal should the tone of your college essay be?

Learn how formal your college essay should be and get tips on how to bring out your natural voice.

Taking your college essay to the next level

Hear an admissions expert discuss the appropriate level of depth necessary in your college essay.

Student Stories

Student Story: Admissions essay about a formative experience

Get the perspective of a current college student on how he approached the admissions essay.

Student Story: Admissions essay about personal identity

Get the perspective of a current college student on how she approached the admissions essay.

Student Story: Admissions essay about community impact

Student story: admissions essay about a past mistake, how to write a college application essay, tips for writing an effective application essay, sample college essay 1 with feedback, sample college essay 2 with feedback.

This content is licensed by Khan Academy and is available for free at www.khanacademy.org.

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John dickerson’s notebooks: sending our son to college.

Drawing grand conclusions, neon lights, dorm room greeters, giving advice, and more are explored in this week’s audio essay from John Dickerson.

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Episode Notes

In this week’s essay, John remembers dropping his son off at college, and trying to hold onto moments and feelings while you can.

Notebook Entries:

Notebook 75, page 6. September 2021:

They chose you.

Notebook 15, page 4. April 2004:

Sitting with Brice by waterfall. Throwing rocks in stream. Loading sand from dump truck and loader and back again.

References:

What Got You Here, Won’t Get You There  by Marshall Goldsmith

Songwriter  Nick Cave

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow  by Gabrielle Zevin

Podcast production by Cheyna Roth.

Email us at  [email protected]

Want to listen to Navel Gazing uninterrupted? Subscribe to Slate Plus to immediately unlock ad-free listening to Navel Gazing and all your other favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of our show page. Or, visit  slate.com/navelgazingplus  to get access wherever you listen.

About the Show

Political Gabfest host John Dickerson has been a journalist for more than three decades, reporting about presidential campaigns, political scandals, and the evolving state of our democracy. Along the way, he’s also been recording his observations in notebooks he has carried in his back pocket. He has captured his thoughts about life, parenthood, death, friendship, writing, God, to-do lists, and more. On the Navel Gazing podcast, John Dickerson invites you to join him in figuring out what these 30 years of notebooks mean: sorting out what makes a life—or a day in a life—noteworthy.

John Dickerson is host of CBS News Prime Time With John Dickerson , co-host of the Slate Political Gabfest, host of the Whistlestop podcast, and author of The Hardest Job in the World .

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FEIG ELECTRONIC: Moscow-City Skyscrapers Streamline Parking Access and Control with Secure RFID

Feig electronic partners with isbc group to deploy ucode dna rfid security and parking access control solution in moscow business district.

Weilburg, Germany  — December 3,  2019  —  FEIG ELECTRONIC , a leading global supplier of radio frequency identification (RFID) readers and antennas with fifty years of industry experience, announces deployment of the UCODE DNA RFID security and parking contactless identification solution in the Moscow International Business Center, known as Moscow-City, one of the world’s largest business district projects.

The management of Moscow-City not only selected long-range, passive UHF RFID to implement in its controlled parking areas, it also chose to implement UCODE DNA , the highest form of secure RAIN RFID technology, developed by NXP Semiconductors.

Panoramic view of Moscow city and Moskva River at sunset. New modern futuristic skyscrapers of Moscow-City – International Business Center, toned

“Underscoring NXP’s innovation and leadership in developing advanced RAIN RFID technologies, our UCODE DNA was chosen to be incorporated with the FEIG and ISBC implementation of the contactless identification system in the prestigious Moscow-City,” said Mahdi Mekic, marketing director for RAIN RFID with NXP Semiconductors. “This exciting project represents yet another successful deployment of NXP’s contactless portfolio, and showcases our continued ability to meet the high-security requirements of highly demanding applications without compromising user convenience.”

“UCODE DNA is considered the only identification technology to match the physical protection of a barrier with the cybersecurity necessary to truly protect entrances from unauthorized access,” said Manuel Haertlé, senior product manager for FEIG Electronic. “As a respected contactless payment technology company, FEIG applies security know-how from its payment terminals, which are fully certified according to the latest high-class security standards, into our RFID systems. FEIG vehicle access control RFID readers incorporate advanced secure key storage elements, supporting various methods for secure key injection.”

FEIG’s partner ISBC Group provided the knowledge and support for this successful implementation using  FEIG’s long-range UHF RFID . The resulting system enables authorized vehicle entry into areas reserved for private residential use or corporate tenants, while also allowing availability of temporary, fee-based visitor parking. Thanks to the cryptographic authentication of UCODE DNA, both the tag and reader must go through an authentication procedure before the reader will validate the data from the tag, which is transmitted wirelessly. This level of authentication is typically used in the most secure data communication networks.

“The system’s two-step authentication means that only authorized equipment can handle the secure protocol and the data exchange with the UCODE DNA based tag. Without the required cryptographic secrets, other readers would query the tag in vain, because the tag’s response cannot be interpreted or understood,” said Andrey Krasovskiy, director of the RFID department at ISBC Group. “On top of this, each data exchange in the authentication process is unique, so even if a malicious actor were to intercept the communication, the transmission is only good for a single exchange and the tag’s unique identity is protected from cloning.”

Established in 1992 and still growing, Moscow-City is the revitalization and transformation of an industrial riverfront into a new, modern, vibrant and upscale business and residential district. A mix of residential, hotel, office, retail and entertainment facilities, it is located about four kilometers west of Red Square along the Moscow River. Twelve of the twenty-three planned facilities have already been completed, with seven currently under construction. Six skyscrapers in Moscow-City reach a height of at least 300 meters, including Europe’s tallest building, Federation Tower, which rises more than 100 stories.

Partnering with ISBC and deploying FEIG Electronic RFID solutions, the Moscow International Business Center is delivering security and access control to its city center today, as it grows into the city of tomorrow.

About FEIG ELECTRONIC

FEIG ELECTRONIC GmbH, a leading global supplier of RFID readers and antennas is one of the few suppliers worldwide offering RFID readers and antennas for all standard operating frequencies: LF (125 kHz), HF (13.56 MHz), UHF (860-960 MHz). A trusted pioneer in RFID with more than 50 years of industry experience, FEIG ELECTRONIC delivers unrivaled data collection, authentication, and identification solutions, as well as secure contactless payment systems. Readers from FEIG ELECTRONIC, which are available for plug-in, desktop, and handheld applications, support next-generation contactless credit cards, debit cards, smart cards, NFC and access control credentials to enable fast, accurate, reliable and secure transactions. For more information, visit:  www.feig.de/en

Founded in Moscow in 2002, ISBC Group provides knowledge and support to integrators for their successful implementation of RFID and smart card-based solutions. The company specializes in the distribution of smart card equipment, contact and contactless card manufacturing, smart card and RFID personalization services, and information security.  Its Research and Design Center is focused specifically on RFID, primarily HF and UHF solutions with NXP tags, and software development for the smart card industry. For more information visit:  https://isbc-cards.com/

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Anxious Parents Are the Ones Who Need Help

By Mathilde Ross

Dr. Ross is a senior staff psychiatrist at Boston University Health Services.

This month, across the country, a new cohort of students is being accepted into colleges. And if recent trends continue, the start of the school year will kick off another record-breaking season for anxiety on campus.

I’m talking about the parents. The kids are mostly fine.

Let me explain. Most emotions, even unpleasant ones, are normal. But the word is out about increasing rates of mental health problems on campus, and that’s got parents worrying. Fair enough. The statistics are startling — in 2022, nearly 14 percent of 18-to-25-year-olds reported having serious thoughts about suicide.

But parents are allowing their anxiety to take over, and it’s not helping anyone, least of all their children. If a child calls home too much, there must be a crisis! And if a child calls too little, there must be a crisis! Either way, the panicked parent picks up the phone and calls the college counseling center to talk to someone like me.

I am a psychiatrist who has worked at a major university’s mental health clinic for 16 years. Much of next year’s freshman class was born the year before I started working here. Technically, my job is to keep my door open and help students through crises, big and small. But I have also developed a comprehensive approach to the assessment and treatment of anxious parents.

The typical call from a parent begins like this: “I think my son/daughter is suffering from anxiety.” My typical reply is: “Anxiety in this setting is usually normal, because major life transitions like living away from home for the first time are commonly associated with elevated anxiety.” Parents used to be satisfied with this kind of answer, thanked me, hung up, called their children and encouraged them to think long-term: “This too shall pass.” And most everyone carried on.

But these days this kind of thinking just convinces parents that I don’t know what I’m talking about. In the circular logic of mental health awareness, a clinician’s reassurance that situational anxiety is most likely normal and time-limited leads a parent to believe that the clinician may be missing a serious mental health condition.

Today’s parents are suffering from anxiety about anxiety, which is actually much more serious than anxiety. It’s self-fulfilling and not easily soothed by logic or evidence, such as the knowledge that most everyone adjusts to college just fine.

Anxiety about anxiety has gotten so bad that some parents actually worry if their student isn’t anxious. This puts a lot of pressure on unanxious students — it creates anxiety about anxiety about anxiety. (This happens all the time. Well-meaning parents tell their kid to make an appointment with our office to make sure their adjustment to college is going OK.) If the student says she’s fine, the parents worry that she isn’t being forthright. This is the conundrum of anxiety about anxiety — there’s really no easy way to combat it.

But I do have some advice for parents. The first thing I’d like to say, and I mean it in the kindest possible way, is: Get a grip.

As for your kids, I would like to help you with some age-appropriate remedies. If your child calls during the first weeks of college feeling anxious, consider saying any of the following: You’ll get through this; this is normal; we’ll laugh about this phone call at Thanksgiving. Or, say anything that was helpful to you the last time you started something new. Alternatively, you could say nothing. Just listening really helps. It’s the entire basis of my profession.

If the anxiety is connected to academic performance — for instance, if your child is having difficulty following the professor and thinks everyone in class is smarter — consider saying, “Do the reading.” Several times a semester, a student I’ve counseled tells me he or she discovered the secret to college: Show up for class prepared! This is often whispered rather sheepishly, even though my office is private.

Anxiety about oral presentations is also quite common. You know what I tell students? “Rehearse your speech.” Parents, you can say things like this, too. Practice it: “Son, you wouldn’t believe how helpful practice is.”

I can prepare you for advanced topics, too. Let’s say your child is exhausted and having trouble waking up for class; he thinks he has a medical problem or maybe a sleep disorder. Consider telling him to go to bed earlier. Common sense is still allowed.

What if a roommate is too loud or too quiet, too messy or too neat? Advise your kid to talk to the roommate, to take the conversation to the problem’s source.

If your child is worrying about something more serious, like failing out of college: This is quite common in the first few weeks on campus. Truth be told, failing all of one’s classes and being expelled as a result, all within the first semester, is essentially impossible and is particularly rare among those students who are worrying about it. The administrative process simply doesn’t happen that fast. Besides, you haven’t paid enough tuition yet.

I’m making my job sound easy, and it’s not. I’m making kids sound simple, and they’re not. They are my life’s work. Some kids walk through my door in serious pain. But most don’t. Most just need a responsible adult to show them the way. And most of what I do can be handled by any adult who has been through a thing or two, which is to say, any parent.

I worry that the current obsession with mental health awareness is disempowering parents from helping their adult children handle ordinary things. People are increasingly fearful that any normal emotion is a sign of something serious. But if you send your adult children to a mental health professional at the first sign of distress, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to strengthen your relationship with them. This is the beginning of their adult relationship with you. Show them the way.

The transition to college is full of excitement and its cousin, anxiety. I enjoy shepherding young people through this rite of passage. Parents should try enjoying it, too.

Mathilde Ross is a senior staff psychiatrist at Boston University Health Services.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

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Berkeley’s People’s Park Is a Metaphor That Has Outlived Its Use

Symbols are meant to represent abstractions, not replace them..

Dashka Slater 17 hours ago

People's Park in 1970. Robert Altman/Michael Ochs Archives/Getty

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This essay was originally published on Dashka Slater’s Substack, A Sigh of Relief , which you can sign up for here . 

I was homeless when I started college at the University of California, Berkeley. First-year students weren’t guaranteed housing in those days, and I’d been unable to secure a spot in either the dorms or the student-run housing co-ops. Over the summer, I’d applied for rooms in dozens of shared houses and apartments listed at the University Housing Office, but nobody wanted to rent a room to a 17-year-old freshman. And so, as my first day of college approached, I was couch-surfing, spreading out my sleeping bag in the living rooms of the daughters of my mom’s friends and acquaintances, most of them much older than me and visibly unenthusiastic about my presence.

Finally, I was desperate enough to respond to an ad for a room that had been posed on the bulletin board of one of Berkeley’s co-op supermarkets. The room, in a rambling wood-shingled North Berkeley house, was lovely, but it came with a catch. The residents were the remaining members of a 1960s commune that had dwindled nearly to extinction. I would only be allowed to stay if I eventually agreed to join a “group marriage” with people several decades older than me.

Yes, that means exactly what you think it does.

I successfully dodged this commitment for a couple of months, dutifully appearing for the occasional communal dinners but skedaddling as soon as I’d cleared my plate. But my lack of interest in even talking to the other people in the commune, much less, er, marrying them, didn’t go unnoticed. At the beginning of November, I came home from school to find a note taped to my door telling me I needed to move out. In what felt like a miracle, the same day I was kicked out of the commune, I finally landed a spot in a student co-op.

It is for this reason, perhaps, that I’ve followed UC Berkeley’s 55-year quest to build student housing on the site of People’s Park with particular interest. To this day, 10 percent of Cal students are homeless, with the university providing housing for only 23 percent. Yet despite my firsthand experience of the housing crisis, as a student I dutifully adopted the position of my fellow campus leftists: People’s Park was a sacred site, an ecotopian symbol, a legacy of student activism that must continue in its current state for evermore.

Ken Swofford, 69, rested by his tent at People’s Park, where the University of California is determined to build housing for 1,100 students and 100 unhoused and low-income people.

The story of People’s Park started in 1969. The university had razed the homes on the 2.8-acre property years before with the intention of using the land for student housing, but then had left it as a vacant eyesore. When students and local residents decided to turn the lot into a kind of community garden, the university responded by fencing it off. On May 15, inspired by student body president-elect Dan Siegel, who urged the crowd to “go down and take the park,” 3,000 protesters marched toward the park. Law enforcement turned out en masse to stop them. As the Bancroft Library writes :

The confrontation quickly turned violent with demonstrators throwing bottles and rocks, setting cars alight, and smashing fire hydrants open. Law enforcement first responded with tear gas, and then with shotguns loaded with rock salt, birdshot, and buckshot.

Police arrest a student during unrest that followed the closure of “People’s Park” in June 1969.

In the ensuing riot, a bystander, James Rector, was killed by police, another was blinded, and many more were wounded. Gov. Ronald Reagan declared a “state of extreme emergency” and dispatched 2,700 members of the National Guard to enforce a curfew and a ban on public gatherings.

And thus, a symbol was born.

“The Park is a symbol to those who support it of freedom and the struggle for freedom…To some, the Park is an eyesore to the community. To others, it is an oasis where one can freely express themselves,” park activist Ron Jacobs  wrote in 1981.

I was a student around the same time those words were written, and my job as a lobbyist for the leftist student government required me to pretend that I saw People’s Park as Jacobs described it—as a holy space, a symbol of Freedom and Community and Sticking It To The Man.

In reality, what I saw at People’s Park were fights, drug use, dog and human shit, and people who were either drunk, high, experiencing a psychotic episode, or some combination of the three. At night, I avoided walking anywhere near it, for the same reasons I avoided any place with an abundance of unlit greenery and groups of inebriated men.

But even as the park itself deteriorated, the  story of the park flourished. During the 1990s, I covered the battles over the park as a reporter, once spending an entire weekend at a kind of collective therapy session for activists, residents, and police who had participated in the ritualized battles over the park for decades. Those battles only served to cement People’s Park as a place where symbolism existed independently of experience, sometimes with tragic results.

As the Los Angeles Times recall ed recently :

In the early 1990s, a machete-wielding activist infuriated by the university’s construction of volleyball courts at the park was shot and killed by police after she broke into the campus residence of then-Chancellor Chang-Lin Tien. Police said they found a note in the teenager’s bag. It read: “We are willing to die for this piece of land. Are you?”

And so it has continued up until the present moment. “It’s not the land only, it’s the history. You are taking part of Berkeley history,”  a demonstrator explained last month during yet another round of pro-park protests.

But by then, the gulf between symbol and reality had become impossible to bridge. In early January, the university made  a surprise attack during the dead of night and quickly erected a double-high wall of shipping containers around the park’s periphery before bulldozing the lot completely. There was literally no land left to defend. Only the history. The symbol.

Workers erect a wall of shipping containers around People’s Park on January 4, 2024. (Brontë Wittpenn/San Francisco Chronicle via AP)

Still, the story wasn’t finished. Earlier this month, the dispute went before the California Supreme Court . Two community groups—Make UC A Good Neighbor and The People’s Park Historic District Advocacy Group —had sued the university  to block its plans to build housing for some 1,100 students and 100-plus formerly unhoused and very-low-income people, while keeping 60 percent of the lot as publicly accessible open space and erecting a memorial to commemorate the park’s history. The groups argued that the university should have assessed the noise the students would generate and considered alternative sites.

These arguments, which prevailed in a lower court, seem unlikely to stop the project now —not since last year, when the state legislature preemptively passed a state law saying universities don’t have to do either of the above when building student housing.

What’s interesting to me, at this point, is why some of the campus radicals I went to college with are  still fighting this fight . Surely advocates for the homeless must see that housing 1,200 people will do more to address local homelessness than allowing a couple dozen people to camp in the park. And if they don’t  see that, why not?

In January, four of the founders of People’s Park  wrote in The Nation that the park has spent the past 50 years as “a site of the unhoused, the deranged, and the forlorn.” But they were still not willing to consider the park a failure.

“People’s Park, at its best, was an expression of the utopian yearnings of a generation that sought to make a better world,” they wrote, arguing that if only the university had acted differently, it would have lived up to those ambitions.

A drone view of the stage at Peoples Park.

In my mind, at least, People’s Park is an expression of something else entirely. Rather than utopian yearnings, it represents the way symbols can be separated from their actual significance. No matter how beautiful the dream of People’s Park was, the reality was quite different—and has been for decades. Yet the discourse remains unchanged and untouched year after year. This is what symbols do. They can persist long after their meaning has left the building. Just ask The Cross.

It happens with astonishing regularity. Think of all the times when an individual offender has been used to symbolize Crime Writ Large, as when  Richard Allen Davis , who killed 12-year-old Polly Klaas in the early 1990s, was used by California politicians to pass the horrific three strikes law  that drastically increased the amount of time people served in prison. ( About one-third of California prisoners today are serving sentences extended by that law.) And consider how historical figures have become stand-ins for political ideals, and how wounded we often feel when we learn of their flaws. Does Thomas Jefferson embody America’s virtues or its vices? What about Abraham Lincoln ? John Muir ?

Consider how the right has used trans kids as symbols of the Breakdown of Society, or all the political mileage both the left and the right can get by simply mentioning the acronym DEI. Think about the way US realtors responded to the “racial reckoning” of 2020 by removing the phrase “Master Bedroom” from its lexicon, rather than actually tackling housing discrimination and predatory lending. Guns, flags, cars, abortion, marriage, Israel, Palestine—when a word alone is enough to conjure an entire political discourse, you know that the stark simplicity of the symbol has eclipsed the messy complexity of reality.

We are, by nature, symbolic thinkers. It’s part of what makes us human. But symbols are there to  represent  abstractions, not to replace them. Too often, we waste our time arguing about the symbols themselves, rather than working for the ideals they’re supposed to represent. Real change can only happen when we see things as they are—complicated, concrete, and contradictory.

Was People’s Park a glorious triumph or an abysmal failure? In symbolic terms, it must be one or the other. Only when we remove the weight of symbolism can we see it as it really was: a little of both, and a lot of neither.

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Home — Essay Samples — Geography & Travel — Travel and Tourism Industry — The History of Moscow City

The History of Moscow City

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