what is the difference between love and infatuation essay

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How Do You Know if It’s Love or Just Infatuation?

Figure out if it's an "I want you" or an "I love you"

Barbara is a writer and speaker who is passionate about mental health, overall wellness, and women's issues.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

Brandon Colbert Photography / Getty Images

• What Are the Differences Between Infatuation and Love?

What Are the Signs of Infatuation vs. Love?

• Can Infatuation Turn Into Love?
• How to Stay Infatuated With Your Partner—In a Healthy Way

The feelings we experience from a new relationship can be confusing. We might toss and turn in bed at night as they take up space in our minds, rent-free. We feel sick to our stomachs every time we're on our way to see them. Their kisses send us swooning. But is it love or just infatuation?

If you don’t know the person well, yet you think they’re perfect and have intense feelings for them already, you’re likely infatuated. But if you're committed to someone on a deeper level, you're comfortable together and there is mutual intimacy, trust, and respect, you may be in love.

What Are the Differences Between Infatuation and Love?

So, how do you know if it’s real love or short-lived passion ? There are a number of clues. You can’t fully be in both states at the same time, although it is possible to experience both in the same relationship.

At the beginning of a relationship, if you’re mesmerized by the new person or believe you’ve experienced love at first sight , odds are it's infatuation. When you’re enthralled by romance and the fantasy of who this person is, you’re infatuated.

Infatuation is marked by euphoria , irrational feelings, lust , and shallowness. Some people claim they’re lovesick and their heart races one minute, then they’re down and depressed the next. They lose sleep or have no appetite . During infatuation, you might also have an increased heart rate and feel both aroused and anxious due to the release of norepinephrine.

But when you’re in love, you are seeing life through a different lens. There's a calm knowing and a bond. You’ve gotten to know the good and the bad about your partner, and your partner knows the genuine you.

Healthy relationships consist of couples who have open communication, honesty, respect, affection and devotion to their partners, which is what you have when you’re in love. If you’ve cultivated a healthy attachment, then you’re truly in the love state.

Interestingly, those in love often also have a wonderful friendship. Scientific research on the value of friendship within romantic relationships found that partners who specifically valued their friendship were more affectionate , committed, and supportive of their significant others than those who didn’t consider themselves friends.

Study results revealed that valuing this friendship component of a relationship is a strong positive predictor of love, sexual gratification, and romantic commitment.

If you want to distinguish between both emotional states, here’s a good place to start. These are signs that you’re infatuated with someone:

• You tell your friends you’re head-over-heels in love.
• You quickly end up craving the person and maybe even become obsessed.
• You’re dazed, overthinking all the time and anxious without them.
• You have physical manifestations like sweaty palms and a nervous stomach.
• You create fantasies in your mind about being with them.
• You have an idealized vision of the person and believe they’re perfect.
• You have a superficial relationship.

You’ll notice that each of the following indications for love are the opposite of those listed above for infatuation. See this list below to determine common signs of love :

• You tell your friends you are serious about this person.
• Your feelings develop slowly.
• You feel content with this person and at ease when they’re not around.
• Although you’re happy to see them, you don’t get nervous, anxious or confused.
• You create real-life scenarios about your future together.
• You have a realistic vision of the person and love them despite their faults and imperfections.
• You have a deep relationship based on shared intimacy, vulnerability and trust .

Superficial

You view your partner as perfect

You see your partner's best side

You feel insecure

You feel excited and obsessed

You have high-flying feelings

You idealize/fantasize

You don't know if the relationship is temporary

You view your partner as human

You see your partner as a whole person

You feel secure

You feel safe and supported

You have peaceful, content feelings

You are realistic

You commit to making the relationship last

Can Infatuation Turn Into Love?

Infatuation can be the first stage of love. That doesn’t mean everyone, however, needs to experience the adrenaline rush of infatuation before progressing to love. If you are in the infatuation phase, however, rest assured that it can lead to a more stable and mature state later on.

The problem is that some people love to feel the passionate high of being infatuated. They become addicted to exciting beginnings and the infatuation stage. Let’s face it. When you don’t know a person yet, you’ve embarked on an exhilarating adventure. Love can become addictive in the same way that drugs are addictive. Love addiction, which isn’t really about true love, is a dysfunctional modality.

In research that included 300 participants who were in romantic relationships, scientists analyzed factors associated with love addiction, paying particular attention to adult attachment patterns and self-esteem. Participants completed an online survey including the Love Addiction Inventory-Short form, Relationship Questionnaire, and Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale .

Results showed significant and positive associations between fearful adult attachment and love addiction. These relationships were also completely mediated by self-esteem .

If you want to move past infatuation into love, you have to be willing to slow down and go deeper. You’ll need to be open, to share vulnerabilities and weaknesses and let go of the fantasies. Once you get to know who your partner truly is and you let them know who you really are, you might find yourself falling in love.

How to Stay Infatuated With Your Partner—In a Healthy Way

In authentic love, you share your values, hopes, and dreams with your significant other. You can rely on one another during crises and cheer each other on during good times. You can be comfortable with each other and devoted to the relationship for the long haul.

That doesn’t mean you can’t stay infatuated with your partner, too. You can still spice your relationship up and keep it exciting. There are some surprising ways to improve your relationship like going on adventurous dates and choosing to have novel experiences that will remind you of your days of infatuation.

Explore physical and non-physical ways to increase sexual intimacy . Focus your time on sexual chemistry , role-playing and fantasy. You can also reminisce about your love story including how you first met and when you first felt attraction for your partner. Strolls down memory lane can remind you of your connection and reignite your passion.

VanderDrift LE, Wilson JE, Agnew CR. On the benefits of valuing being friends for nonmarital romantic partners.  Journal of Social and Personal Relationships . 2013;30(1):115-131.

Gori A, Russo S, Topino E. Love Addiction, Adult Attachment Patterns and Self-Esteem: Testing for Mediation Using Path Analysis .  J Pers Med . 2023;13(2):247. Published 2023 Jan 29. doi:10.3390/jpm13020247

By Barbara Field Barbara is a writer and speaker who is passionate about mental health, overall wellness, and women's issues.

Infatuation vs. Love: Understanding the Differences and Avoiding Heartbreak

As humans, we all crave connection and intimacy. However, in terms of infatuation vs. love, it’s easy to confuse the two, especially in the early stages of a relationship. While both emotions can be intense and exciting, they are fundamentally different. Understanding infatuation and love can help us build healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Infatuation is often characterized by intense attraction and excitement but is typically short-lived. It’s based on idealizing the other person and projecting our desires onto them. Infatuation is focused on physical attraction and the rush of emotions that come with it. On the other hand, love is a more profound and enduring emotion involving a genuine connection with the other person. It’s based on mutual respect, trust, and a willingness to work through challenges together.

Understanding Infatuation

Infatuation is an intense attraction towards someone, often characterized by an obsessive desire to be with the person. It is often mistaken for love, but the two have significant differences. In this section, we will explore the characteristics of infatuation and its impacts.

Characteristics of Infatuation

Infatuation is often characterized by the following:

• Intense attraction toward someone
• Idealizing the person and overlooking their flaws
• Obsessive thoughts about the person
• A desire to be with the person at all times
• Anxiety and fear of rejection
• A feeling of euphoria when around the person
• A tendency to ignore red flags in the relationship

Infatuation is often short-lived and tends to fade quickly. It is also often based on physical attraction and a desire for validation and attention.

Impacts of Infatuation

Infatuation can have both positive and negative impacts on our lives. On the positive side, it can lead to feelings of excitement and happiness. It can also motivate us to pursue the person we are infatuated with.

On the negative side, infatuation can lead to disappointment and heartbreak. It can also cause us to overlook red flags in the relationship and make poor decisions. Infatuation can also distract from other important aspects of our lives, such as work and friendships.

Understanding Love

Love is a complex emotion that is difficult to define. It is often described as deep affection and attachment towards someone. However, love can take many forms and be experienced differently. In this section, we will explore love’s characteristics and their impacts on our lives.

Characteristics of Love

Several critical features often characterize love. These include:

• Commitment:  Love involves a strong commitment to another person. This can take many forms, such as a romantic or commitment to a family member or friend.
• Trust:  Love is built on trust. When we love someone, we trust them and believe in their integrity.
• Respect:  Love involves a deep respect for another person. This means valuing their thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
• Empathy :  Love requires empathy. We must understand and relate to the emotions and experiences of the person we love.
• Selflessness :  Love often involves putting another person’s needs before our own. This means being willing to make sacrifices for the person we love.

Impacts of Love

Love can have a profound impact on our lives. It can bring us joy, happiness, and fulfillment. It can also be challenging and require us to work through difficult situations. Some of the impacts of love include:

• Improved mental health:  Love can improve our mental health by reducing stress, anxiety, and depression. It can also give us a sense of purpose and meaning in life.
• Stronger relationships:  Love can strengthen our relationships with others. It can help us to build deeper connections and create a sense of community.
• Increased resilience:  Love can make us more resilient in adversity. We can better cope with challenges when we have someone to lean on during difficult times.
• Greater sense of well-being:  Love can improve our overall sense of well-being. It can make us feel happier, more content, and more satisfied with our lives.

Comparison between Infatuation vs. Love

When it comes to romantic relationships, it is essential to understand the differences between infatuation and love. While both can be intense and passionate, they are different. Here are some of the key differences between infatuation and love:

Emotional Differences

Intense feelings of passion and excitement often characterize infatuation. It can feel like a rush of emotions that takes over your body and mind. However, these feelings are often based on superficial factors like physical attraction or a desire for companionship. In contrast, love is a more profound and lasting emotion based on a strong connection and mutual respect between two people. Love involves security, trust, and emotional intimacy beyond physical attraction.

Duration Differences

Infatuation is often short-lived and intense, while love is a more enduring emotion that can last a lifetime. Infatuation is often fueled by the excitement of something new and the thrill of the chase. However, once the initial infatuation wears off, people may find that they are no longer interested in the other person. Conversely, love is a more stable and enduring emotion that can withstand the ups and downs of a long-term relationship.

Decision Making Differences

When infatuated with someone, we may make impulsive and irrational decisions based on our emotions. We may overlook red flags or warning signs and make choices outside our best interest. In contrast, love involves a more rational and thoughtful decision-making approach. We consider the long-term consequences of our actions and make choices that align with our values and goals.

While infatuation can be exciting and passionate, it is often short-lived and based on superficial factors. On the other hand, love is a more profound and lasting emotion based on a strong connection and mutual respect between two people. Understanding the differences between these two emotions can help us make more informed decisions about our relationships and find long-lasting happiness with our partners.

The transition from Infatuation to Love

As discussed earlier, intense feelings of attraction and excitement often characterize infatuation, but it is not sustainable. However, it can lead to love if nurtured and developed over time. The transition from infatuation to love is a gradual process requiring both partners’ patience and effort.

One of the key differences between infatuation and love is the depth of emotional connection. Infatuation often focuses on physical attraction and excitement, while love involves a deeper emotional connection and attachment. During the transition from infatuation to love, couples develop a stronger emotional bond beyond physical attraction.

Communication is a crucial aspect of the transition from infatuation to love. As couples spend more time together, they learn more about each other’s values, goals, and interests. Open and honest communication is essential for building a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. It allows couples to express their feelings, needs, and concerns and work together to solve any problems.

Another critical factor in the transition from infatuation to love is the development of trust and commitment. As couples grow closer, they begin to rely on each other more and build a sense of trust and security. This trust is essential for creating a stable and healthy relationship.

The transition from infatuation to love requires a willingness to work through challenges and conflicts. No relationship is perfect, and couples will inevitably encounter disagreements and obstacles. However, couples committed to each other and willing to work through these challenges can build a stronger and more resilient relationship.

Misconceptions and Myths

When it comes to love and infatuation, there are many myths and misconceptions that can lead to confusion and heartache. Let’s take a look at some of the most common ones:

• Myth: There is only one true love.  This is a common myth perpetuated by movies and romance novels. The truth is that there are many people we can love deeply and sincerely in different ways and at different times in our lives. We are capable of loving more than one person at a time, and that doesn’t diminish the love we feel for each individual.
• Myth: Love conquers all.  While love can be a powerful force, it is not a magic solution to all problems. Incompatibility, differing values, and other issues can still arise even in the most loving relationships. It’s essential to have open communication and work through challenges together.
• Myth: Infatuation is the same as love.  Infatuation is often mistaken for love, but it is a temporary and intense attraction that is based on idealization and projection. On the other hand, love is a more profound and more enduring connection built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding.
• Myth: Love is always easy.  Love requires effort and commitment, and it’s not always easy. There will be times when disagreements arise or when we have to make sacrifices for our partners. But the rewards of a strong and healthy relationship are worth the effort.

Understanding these myths and misconceptions can give us a more realistic and healthy view of love and infatuation. Love is a complex and multifaceted emotion, and building and maintaining a strong and lasting connection with someone takes time and effort.

How to Differentiate Between Infatuation and Love

When we are attracted to someone, it can be challenging to determine whether we are experiencing infatuation or love. Here are a few key differences to help us differentiate between the two:

Emotional Intensity

Intense emotions, such as euphoria and excitement, often characterize infatuation. We may feel like we are on top of the world when we are around someone we are infatuated with. In contrast, love is characterized by a more stable emotional state. We may feel happy and content with our loved ones but are not constantly experiencing extreme emotions.

Infatuation tends to be short-lived, while love can last long. Infatuation may only last a few weeks or months, whereas love can last for years or even a lifetime. If our feelings for someone fade quickly, we are likely infatuated rather than in love.

Focus on Self vs. Focus on the Other Person

Infatuation is often focused on ourselves and our own needs and desires. We may be more concerned with how the other person makes us feel rather than their well-being. In contrast, love involves a focus on the other person. We care about their happiness and well-being and are willing to make sacrifices to ensure their happiness.

Physical Attraction vs. Emotional Connection

Infatuation is often based on physical attraction and lust. We may be drawn to someone because of their appearance or sexual appeal. In contrast, love is based on an emotional connection. We feel a deep connection with the other person and are drawn to them because of who they are as a person.

One-Sided vs. Mutuality

Infatuation is often one-sided, with one person having strong feelings for another person who may not feel the same way. In contrast, love is mutual, with both people having strong feelings for each other. If we are the only ones with strong emotions in the relationship, we are likely experiencing infatuation rather than love.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the different types of love.

There are various types of love, and they are categorized based on the nature of the relationship. Some of the common types of love include romantic love, platonic love, familial love, and self-love. Romantic love is characterized by passion, intimacy, and commitment, while platonic love is non-sexual and non-romantic. Familial love is the love between family members, and self-love is the love for oneself.

Can infatuation develop into love?

Yes, infatuation can develop into love over time. Infatuation is often characterized by intense attraction and desire, but it lacks the depth and commitment that love requires. As you get to know someone better, your feelings may evolve into a deeper and more meaningful connection.

How can you tell if someone is infatuated with you?

Some signs that someone is infatuated with you may include excessive attention, jealousy, and idealizing you. Infatuation is often characterized by intense desire and attraction, but it may lack the depth and commitment that love requires. If you suspect someone is infatuated with you, it’s essential to communicate clearly and set boundaries.

What are the similarities between love and infatuation?

Love and infatuation may share similarities, such as intense attraction and desire. However, love is characterized by a deeper and more meaningful connection that involves intimacy, commitment, and respect. Infatuation is often more focused on physical attraction and may need more depth and commitment than love requires.

How long does infatuation typically last?

Infatuation may last for a few weeks or months, but it typically fades over time. As the initial excitement and passion wear off, you may begin to see the other person more realistically and recognize their flaws and imperfections. If you want to develop a deeper and more meaningful connection, moving beyond infatuation and building a strong foundation of trust, respect, and commitment is essential.

What is the difference between infatuation and a crush?

Infatuation and a crush may share similarities, such as intense attraction and desire. However, a crush is often more focused on a specific person or situation, while infatuation may be more general and less distinct. Additionally, a crush may be more short-lived and less intense than infatuation.

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Infatuation vs. Love

What's the difference.

Infatuation and love are often confused with each other, but they are distinct emotions. Infatuation is a fleeting and intense attraction towards someone, often based on physical appearance or superficial qualities. It is characterized by an obsessive desire to be with the person and a tendency to idealize them. On the other hand, love is a deep and profound emotion that develops over time. It is built on a foundation of trust, respect, and genuine care for the other person. Love is more stable and enduring, encompassing both the positive and negative aspects of a relationship. While infatuation can be exciting and exhilarating, love is a more mature and fulfilling emotion that goes beyond mere infatuation.

Further Detail

Introduction.

Infatuation and love are two powerful emotions that often get intertwined, leading to confusion and misunderstandings. While both can make us feel exhilarated and consumed by intense emotions, they are fundamentally different in nature. In this article, we will explore the attributes of infatuation and love, highlighting their distinctions and helping you gain a deeper understanding of these complex emotions.

Infatuation

Infatuation is often described as a passionate and intense attraction towards someone. It is characterized by a strong desire for physical and emotional closeness, often driven by idealized fantasies and a sense of urgency. Infatuation tends to be short-lived and can arise suddenly, overwhelming our thoughts and actions. It is often based on superficial qualities such as physical appearance or initial chemistry.

One of the key attributes of infatuation is its obsessive nature. When infatuated, we may find ourselves constantly thinking about the person, daydreaming about a future together, and obsessively checking for messages or social media updates. This obsession can lead to a loss of focus on other aspects of life, including work, hobbies, and relationships with friends and family.

Infatuation is also characterized by a lack of deep emotional connection. While it may feel intense and all-consuming, it often lacks the depth and understanding that love entails. Infatuation tends to be more self-centered, focusing on our own desires and needs rather than considering the well-being and happiness of the other person.

Furthermore, infatuation is often driven by idealization and projection. We may project our own fantasies and desires onto the person we are infatuated with, creating an unrealistic image of who they are. This can lead to disappointment and disillusionment when we eventually realize that the person does not match our idealized version of them.

In summary, infatuation is characterized by its passionate and intense nature, obsession, lack of deep emotional connection, and reliance on idealization and projection.

Love, on the other hand, is a complex and multifaceted emotion that goes beyond mere infatuation. It is a deep affection and attachment towards someone, built on a foundation of trust, respect, and genuine care. Unlike infatuation, love is a long-lasting emotion that can withstand the test of time and challenges.

One of the key attributes of love is its ability to foster a deep emotional connection. Love allows us to truly understand and empathize with our partner, creating a sense of emotional intimacy and vulnerability. It involves accepting the other person for who they truly are, with their strengths and weaknesses, and supporting them unconditionally.

Love is also characterized by its selflessness. Unlike infatuation, which tends to be more focused on our own desires, love involves prioritizing the happiness and well-being of our partner. It requires compromise, communication, and a willingness to work through challenges together.

Furthermore, love is built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect. It involves open and honest communication, where both partners feel safe to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Love allows for growth and personal development, as it encourages individuals to become the best versions of themselves.

Unlike infatuation, love is not solely based on physical attraction or superficial qualities. While physical intimacy is an important aspect of a romantic relationship, love goes beyond the initial spark and focuses on the deeper connection between two individuals.

In summary, love is characterized by its deep emotional connection, selflessness, trust, respect, and focus on personal growth and development.

Infatuation and love may share some similarities, such as intense emotions and a desire for closeness, but they are fundamentally different in nature. Infatuation is often short-lived, obsessive, lacks deep emotional connection, and relies on idealization and projection. Love, on the other hand, is a long-lasting emotion that fosters a deep emotional connection, selflessness, trust, and personal growth.

Understanding the differences between infatuation and love is crucial for building healthy and fulfilling relationships. By recognizing the signs of infatuation, we can avoid mistaking it for love and making impulsive decisions. True love takes time to develop and requires effort, patience, and a genuine connection. So, let us strive to cultivate love rather than being consumed by fleeting infatuations.

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Infatuation vs Love: Understanding the Difference

When it comes to matters of the heart, it’s easy to confuse infatuation with love. After all, both emotions can make us feel giddy, excited, and consumed by the thoughts of another person. However, there are distinct differences between the two that are important to recognize.

Infatuation is often characterized by an intense attraction and fixation on someone. It’s a rush of emotions that can be exhilarating but tends to be short-lived. Infatuation is driven by physical attraction and a strong desire for validation or attention from the other person. It can cause us to idealize them and overlook any flaws or red flags in the relationship.

Love , on the other hand, goes beyond surface-level infatuation. It involves a deep emotional connection, trust, and mutual understanding between two individuals. Love grows over time as we get to know someone on a deeper level and accept them for who they truly are. Unlike infatuation, love is more stable and enduring; it withstands challenges and evolves through shared experiences.

Differentiating between infatuation and love can be challenging because they often coexist in romantic relationships. However, understanding these distinctions allows us to make informed decisions about our feelings and actions toward others. In this article, I’ll delve deeper into the characteristics of both infatuation and love while providing insights on how to navigate these complex emotions in relationships.

Stay tuned as we explore this fascinating topic further!

Infatuation: The Initial Attraction

When it comes to matters of the heart, the distinction between infatuation and love can be quite perplexing. In this section, let’s delve into the realm of infatuation and explore its nature as the initial attraction.

• Intense Emotions: Infatuation is characterized by an intense rush of emotions that can leave us feeling giddy and consumed by our thoughts. It often happens suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, igniting a strong desire for someone. We may find ourselves daydreaming about them constantly or feeling butterflies in our stomachs whenever they’re around.
• Physical Attractiveness: One common aspect of infatuation is being captivated primarily by physical appearance. The initial attraction is often based on superficial qualities such as looks, charm, or charisma. While these factors play a significant role in sparking infatuation, they alone do not sustain a deep and meaningful connection.
• Idealization: During the infatuation stage, we tend to idealize the person we are attracted to, putting them on a pedestal and overlooking their flaws or quirks. We create an image of perfection in our minds and project our own desires onto them without truly knowing who they are beneath the surface.
• Short-Lived Excitement: Infatuation is known for its burstiness — it can burn hot and fast but tends to fizzle out just as quickly. This initial attraction lacks the depth and longevity that true love possesses. As time goes on and we get to know the person better, we may realize that what once seemed like love was merely infatuation.
• Lack of Emotional Connection: While infatuation can be intense on an emotional level, it often lacks genuine emotional connection with the other person. It focuses more on fantasy rather than building a solid foundation rooted in trust, understanding, and compatibility.

In summary, infatuation is the initial spark of attraction that can be overwhelming and exhilarating. However, it should not be mistaken for love, as it tends to be short-lived and driven by superficial factors. Understanding the difference between infatuation and love is essential for establishing healthy and meaningful relationships in the long run.

Love: A Deeper Connection

When we think of love, images of romance, passion, and affection often come to mind. But love is so much more than just a fleeting infatuation or a whirlwind romance. It is a profound and meaningful connection that goes beyond surface-level attraction. In this section, we’ll explore the essence of love and delve into its deeper layers.

• Emotional Intimacy: Love is built on emotional intimacy – the ability to truly understand and connect with another person on a deep level. It’s about being vulnerable and open with your partner, sharing your fears, dreams, and insecurities without judgment. This level of emotional closeness creates a strong bond that withstands the test of time.
• Mutual Respect: Love involves mutual respect between two individuals. It means valuing each other’s opinions, beliefs, and boundaries. In a loving relationship, both partners treat each other with kindness, empathy, and consideration. They support each other’s goals and aspirations without trying to change or control one another.
• Trust and Communication: Trust forms the foundation of any lasting relationship rooted in love. Being able to rely on your partner fosters feelings of security and allows for open communication without fear of judgment or betrayal. Effective communication plays an integral role in nurturing love as it enables both partners to express their needs, desires, and concerns openly.
• Shared Values and Goals: Love thrives when two individuals share common values and goals for their future together. Whether it’s building a family or pursuing similar career paths, having shared aspirations can strengthen the bond between partners as they work towards their dreams hand-in-hand.
• Unconditional Support: Love entails providing unwavering support through life’s ups and downs; it means being there for your partner through thick and thin without conditions or expectations attached. Offering encouragement during challenging times fosters resilience within the relationship while reaffirming your commitment to one another.

In conclusion, love is a profound connection that transcends infatuation. It involves emotional intimacy, mutual respect, trust, communication, shared values and goals, and unconditional support. When these elements are present in a relationship, love can flourish and withstand the test of time. Remember to nurture your love by continuously working on these aspects and cherishing the deeper connection you share with your partner.

Differentiating Infatuation and Love

When it comes to matters of the heart, it can be difficult to distinguish between infatuation and love. Both emotions can make us feel giddy and consumed with intense feelings, but they have distinct characteristics that set them apart.

• Timeframe: Infatuation often happens quickly, almost like a lightning bolt striking out of nowhere. It’s that instant attraction you feel towards someone, where everything seems perfect and effortless. Love, on the other hand, takes time to develop. It grows gradually as you get to know someone on a deeper level, building a strong emotional connection over months or even years.
• Depth of Emotion: Infatuation tends to be more superficial and based on physical attraction or external qualities. It’s fueled by passion and desire but may lack the depth of emotional intimacy that love encompasses. Love goes beyond the surface; it involves genuine care, trust, respect, and understanding of your partner’s flaws and strengths.
• Stability: Infatuation can be unpredictable and fleeting. It may come in waves or fade away just as quickly as it arrived when faced with challenges or conflicts in the relationship. Love is more stable and enduring; it withstands hardships and evolves through ups and downs while remaining committed.
• Selflessness vs Selfishness: In infatuation, one might focus primarily on their own desires and needs rather than considering their partner’s well-being or happiness fully. Love is characterized by selflessness – putting your partner’s needs before yours without expecting anything in return.
• Longevity: Infatuation tends to burn out over time if there isn’t a solid foundation of compatibility beyond physical attraction alone. However, love has the potential to grow stronger over time as two individuals build a life together based on shared values, mutual support, trustworthiness, and emotional connection.

It’s important not to confuse infatuation with love, as mistaking one for the other can lead to misunderstandings, heartache, and unfulfilling relationships. Take the time to evaluate your feelings and observe how they evolve over time. True love is a deep-rooted connection that goes beyond initial infatuation, withstands the test of time, and brings genuine happiness and fulfillment to both partners.

Signs of Infatuation

Infatuation, that intense and overwhelming feeling for someone, can often be mistaken for love. But how do you differentiate between the two? Here are some signs that can help you identify if what you’re experiencing is infatuation:

• Obsessive Thoughts: When infatuated with someone, your mind becomes consumed by thoughts of them. You find yourself constantly daydreaming about the person, replaying memories, or imagining future scenarios. It’s like they have taken over your every waking moment.
• Idealization: In an infatuated state, it’s common to put your object of affection on a pedestal. You may see them as flawless, believing they possess all the qualities you’ve ever desired in a partner. This idealized image may not necessarily reflect their true personality or character.
• Physical Attraction: Infatuation often stems from strong physical attraction towards someone. You might feel an intense desire to be close to them physically and emotionally, driven by their appearance or magnetic presence.
• Rapid Intensity: Unlike love which grows gradually over time, infatuation tends to develop quickly and intensely. One minute you barely know the person, and the next, you’re head over heels for them without fully understanding why.
• Jealousy and Possessiveness: A telltale sign of infatuation is feeling jealous or possessive when others show interest in your crush. It stems from a fear of losing their attention and wanting exclusive rights to their affection.

Remember that while these signs indicate infatuation, they don’t necessarily imply a lasting connection or compatibility with the person in question. Infatuations can fade just as quickly as they appear if not built on a solid foundation of mutual understanding and shared values.

So before declaring undying love based solely on initial infatuation, take some time to evaluate your feelings objectively and ensure they align with what love truly represents – a deep emotional bond built on trust, respect, and genuine affection.

Signs of Love

When it comes to distinguishing between infatuation and love, there are several key signs that can help us understand the true nature of our feelings . While every relationship is unique, here are a few common indicators that may suggest you’re experiencing genuine love:

• Deep Emotional Connection: Love goes beyond surface-level attraction or infatuation. It involves forming a deep emotional bond with someone that transcends physical desire. You feel a strong connection on an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual level.
• Mutual Respect and Support: In a loving relationship, both partners have immense respect for each other’s thoughts, beliefs, and boundaries. There is an unwavering support system where you genuinely care about each other’s well-being and encourage personal growth.
• Open Communication: Love thrives on open and honest communication. You feel comfortable expressing your thoughts, fears, dreams, and desires with your partner without fear of judgment or rejection. Both individuals actively listen to each other’s perspectives and work through challenges together.
• Genuine Care and Selflessness: Love involves selflessly caring for your partner’s happiness and well-being. It means putting their needs before yours at times without any expectation of reciprocation or reward.
• Long-Term Commitment: Unlike infatuation, which tends to be short-lived, love endures over time. You envision a future together with your partner in which you grow old as a couple while supporting each other through life’s ups and downs.

Remember that these signs are not definitive proof of love but rather serve as guiding principles when evaluating the depth of your emotions in a relationship.

The Emotional Rollercoaster of Infatuation

Ah, infatuation. That exhilarating, heart-pounding rush that sweeps you off your feet and makes you feel like you’re floating on cloud nine. But beneath the surface of this intoxicating emotion lies a rollercoaster ride of intense highs and frustrating lows. Let’s delve into the emotional whirlwind that often accompanies infatuation.

• The Initial Spark: At the onset of infatuation, everything seems perfect. Your heart skips a beat when you see that special someone, and every interaction feels electric. You find yourself daydreaming about them constantly, replaying moments in your mind with an infectious smile on your face.
• Uncertainty and Obsession: As the infatuation deepens, so does the uncertainty. Thoughts like “Do they feel the same way?” or “What if they don’t like me back?” start creeping in, fueling a sense of obsession. Every little word or action becomes a matter of overanalysis as you try to decipher their true feelings.
• Extreme Highs and Lows: Infatuation is notorious for its extreme emotional swings. One moment, you’re flying high with euphoria at the slightest hint of reciprocation from your crush; the next moment, even a slight disappointment can send you spiraling into depths of despair and self-doubt.
• Idealization and Ignoring Red Flags: During this phase, it’s common to put your infatuated partner on a pedestal while brushing aside any flaws or red flags that might be apparent to others around you. You may overlook compatibility issues or dismiss warning signs because all you can see is perfection through rose-tinted glasses.
• Jealousy and Insecurity: Infatuation often breeds jealousy and insecurity as you become possessive over your object of affection. Seeing them interact with others can trigger feelings of envy or fear of losing their attention. These emotions can lead to irrational behavior and strained relationships with friends or even the person you’re infatuated with.

Infatuation is indeed a wild emotional ride, filled with intense passion and unpredictable ups and downs. While it can be thrilling and exhilarating, it’s important to recognize its limitations. As we’ll explore further in this article, love offers a more stable foundation built on mutual understanding, trust, and commitment. So buckle up for the ride of infatuation but remember to approach it with caution and keep your heart open to the possibilities that lie beyond its temporary allure.

Note: The above content is purely informative and does not constitute professional advice or a definitive statement on the subject matter.

The Stability and Growth of Love

When it comes to love, one of the most remarkable aspects is its ability to provide stability and foster growth in a relationship. Unlike infatuation, which often burns bright but fades quickly, true love has the power to withstand the test of time and evolve into something deeper and more fulfilling.

• Building a Strong Foundation: Love thrives on a solid foundation of trust, respect, and open communication. In a loving relationship, partners understand each other’s needs and desires, creating an environment where both individuals can feel secure and supported. This stability allows them to weather life’s challenges together, knowing they have each other’s backs.
• Nurturing Emotional Intimacy: Love goes beyond physical attraction; it delves into emotional intimacy. Couples who are deeply in love share their thoughts, fears, dreams, and vulnerabilities with one another without judgment or reservation. This level of emotional connection fosters growth as individuals learn from each other’s experiences and perspectives.
• Encouraging Personal Development: True love encourages personal growth within the relationship. Partners support each other’s ambitions and help one another become the best versions of themselves. They celebrate accomplishments together while providing guidance during difficult times.
• Adapting to Change: As time passes, people change; circumstances change too. The beauty of love lies in its ability to adapt alongside these changes while remaining steadfast at its core. It requires flexibility, compromise, and understanding – all factors that contribute to stability in relationships.
• Cultivating Shared Goals: Love flourishes when couples work towards shared goals or aspirations together. By aligning their visions for the future—whether it be building a family or achieving professional success—love becomes an anchor that keeps them grounded amidst life’s uncertainties.

Love provides stability by establishing a strong foundation built on trust and open communication while fostering personal growth through emotional intimacy and support for individual development within the relationship. Furthermore, it adapts to change and cultivates shared goals, allowing couples to weather storms and grow together. It is this stability and growth that sets love apart from fleeting infatuation.

In conclusion, understanding the difference between infatuation and love is crucial for building healthy and fulfilling relationships. Here are a few examples that highlight the disparities between these two emotional states:

• Duration: Infatuation often has a short-lived intensity, while love stands the test of time. Infatuation may fade away quickly, leaving behind a sense of emptiness once the initial excitement wears off. On the other hand, love deepens and evolves over time, growing stronger as two individuals continue to bond emotionally.
• Focus: Infatuation tends to be centered around physical attraction and superficial qualities, whereas love encompasses a deeper connection on an emotional and intellectual level. While infatuation may be based on external factors like appearance or charm, love delves into understanding each other’s values, dreams, and supporting one another’s growth.
• Stability: Infatuation can be fragile and unstable since it is largely driven by intense emotions that fluctuate rapidly. Love provides a stable foundation for a relationship as it is built upon trust, respect, communication, and shared experiences. It withstands challenges and hardships with resilience.
• Selflessness: Love involves selflessness, where both partners prioritize each other’s well-being and happiness over their own desires. Infatuation tends to be more self-centered, with an emphasis on personal gratification rather than considering the needs of the other person.
• Growth: Love encourages personal growth within the relationship as both partners support each other’s aspirations and help each other become better individuals. Infatuation may hinder personal development due to its fixation on idealized fantasies rather than accepting reality.

It’s important to remember that neither infatuation nor love is inherently right or wrong; they simply represent different stages or aspects of human emotions in relationships. Recognizing these differences can help us navigate our feelings more effectively and make informed decisions about our partnerships.

In conclusion,

• Infatuation is short-lived, while love endures.
• Infatuation is focused on superficial qualities, while love encompasses a deeper connection.
• Infatuation can be unstable, whereas love provides stability.
• Love involves selflessness, while infatuation tends to be more self-centered.
• Love encourages personal growth, whereas infatuation may hinder it.

Understanding these distinctions empowers us to cultivate healthier and more meaningful relationships based on genuine love rather than fleeting infatuation.

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Love is a powerful emotion. But understanding love is not always easy. It is possible to love someone who is not great for you, it is possible to fall out of love with someone that is ‘perfect’ for you, and it is possible for you to struggle to feel love despite everything you need being right there in front of you.

Perhaps no emotion causes more issues when it comes to love than a similar emotion: infatuation. Infatuation feels like love – walking on a cloud, adoring your partner – but infatuation itself is not love, and distinguishing the difference can be critical.

Understanding Infatuation

There is a reason that the initial stages of a relationship are referred to as the “honeymoon period.” These stages feel intoxicating like a drug, and often occur in the early stages of falling in love.

Infatuation is your mind telling you that this person is making you happy. It is the endorphins you get from all of the great feelings you want in a partner:

• Fulfillment

During the infatuation period, your whole body is filled with the great feelings that come from meeting someone that makes you happy and fulfilled.

Often infatuation is the first step towards love. Some couples that have been in love for years still feel this high. But infatuation is not yet love. This honeymoon period most often occurs when the couple has yet to face serious challenges, and has not yet “gotten used to” their partner in a way that tests the relationship’s strength.

At some point in the relationship, all couples will have problems. Those problems can eat away at this honeymoon period, because no one is imperfect, and problems give rise to imperfections. The key to know if love is there is to see how you two handle these challenges as a couple, and what strength you have together when they are over.

Don’t Let Infatuation Blind You

Some couples are simply great together, and it all started during this honeymoon phase. Almost every happily married couple has a honeymoon phase, as did many unhappy couples. The truth is that it is very hard to know whether or not a relationship will be love simply by infatuation alone, no matter how amazing it feels.

You have to be careful not to let infatuation cause you to make assumptions you may not be able to change, or to blind you to the relationship’s difficulties. Instead, you’ll want to let time take its course. If it is true love, you’ll know by the way you respond to regular, boring life challenges (finances, arguments, snoring), and how close you feel throughout – not by the high you feel early in the relationship.

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Infatuation vs Love : 5 Key Differences

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

In This Article

Love and infatuation are intense emotions that a person feels for someone they fall for. However, most of the time, these feelings often get muddled for each other.

It can be challenging to explain the difference between infatuation and love especially when you are young, inexperienced in the romance and dating world and are impressionable.

How do you differentiate infatuation vs. love? Also, can infatuation turn into love?

While thinking of your romantic interest , you don’t really care whether it is love or infatuation, but it may be handy to know how to differentiate between the two. You might be surprised to know that there is a huge difference between the two. 

Let’s analyze the two in order to understand the difference between infatuation vs. love.

What is the definition of infatuation?

Most of the time, we get feelings for someone , but we ask ourselves, is it infatuation or love? Let’s dig deeper and understand how to differentiate the two.

First, what is infatuation and what does it feel like? 

You’ve just met someone, yet you feel that powerful attraction towards that person . You can’t stop thinking of this person that you start asking yourself, “Am I in love or infatuated?”

Infatuation is an intense feeling and fascination toward a person who you don’t know that well.

It’s strong and addicting. Just the thought of this person is enough for you to feel butterflies in your stomach.

Also, you would often daydream about this person. You can’t get enough of them and you would grab any chance to see them. 

If you feel this way, then you are infatuated meaning you have a crush.

Some people who are feeling an infatuation with someone may even choose to focus on the good things that this person has. Even though they see and recognize the red flags, they would choose to ignore them. 

10 signs of infatuation

Most of us have felt infatuation and have confused it with love. Let’s understand infatuation vs. love by tackling the 10 signs of infatuation.

Here, we’ll be able to see the similarities between love and infatuation.

1. You think about this person all the time

The moment you wake up, and before you sleep, you think about this person. You might even stalk their social media accounts. 

2. You have strong feelings yet you haven’t spent time with this person

It’s possible to be super infatuated with someone even if you have spent little time with them. You can’t even understand it, but you’re head-over-heels attracted to a person you just see in the hallway.

3. You see this person as “the one”

“What does infatuation feel like?” It feels like you’ve found the ‘one’ even though your feelings don’t have a deeper basis.

4. Your feelings are close to obsession

Have you ever felt like you’re addicted to love? That might not be love at all, but infatuation. 

5. All you think about is how you can impress this person

Here’s another infatuation vs. love sign. It’s infatuation if your goal is to get your special someone’s attention and impress this person.

6. The things you know about this person are based on his acquaintances or social media

How much do you know about this person? What if all you know about the person you adore is based on the information you get from his acquaintances or on his social media posts? 

7. Your judgment is clouded

People are asking you to get to know this person better. They want you to take time and think hard, but your judgment is clouded. This is a sign that you’re infatuated and not in love. 

8. You ignore red flags

You hear comments about this person’s not-so-good traits. Maybe you’ve even seen it yourself.

What if you started going out and you see those red flags? Infatuation can cause a person to ignore even the red flags they are seeing.

9. If your attention is reciprocated, you rush everything

Sometimes, relationship infatuation happens. It’s where your feelings get reciprocated and what happens next? Your fascination takes control of your emotions. 

You might constantly wish your relationship would move forward a.s.a.p.

10. Your attraction only focuses on appearance

Love vs. infatuation differs in how you see the person. With infatuation, most of the time, people are only focused on what they see, since they don’t know that person really well. 

Love, on the other hand sees more than that. True love is all about emotions, connection , understanding, and so much more. 

Infatuation vs. Love

Now that you have an idea about infatuation vs. love, how can we differentiate the two? When you have feelings for someone, the first thing that you want to ask yourself is, “Is it love or infatuation?”

Love is when you care incredibly deeply and strongly about someone else. You support and wish them well; you are willing to sacrifice whatever you hold deeply for their sake. 

Love entails trust, emotional connection, intimacy, loyalty, understanding, and forgiveness. However, love takes some time to develop, and it does not happen instantly.

When you love someone, you want to grow with this person. You want to fulfill your dreams together, and be each other’s support system. It’s unconditional and is the foundation of long lasting marriages. 

Infatuation

Infatuation is when you get swept off your feet and get lost and carried away by your romantic interest. The goosebumps you get every time you think or see the other person and how you smile when you are daydreaming about them is clear signs of infatuation in a guy or a girl. 

Infatuation vs. love is clear when you become completely obsessed with someone and cannot take them out of your mind; and when they do not feel the same way you want the worst to happen to them.

Love is never painful nor does it hurt the other person but obsession and infatuation do. Also, falling in love, at first sight, may sound romantic but is not actually true- this feeling again is infatuation. 

There is nothing wrong with infatuation as long as it is healthy; which in most cases develop into true and long-lasting love.

Comparison chart to explain Love vs Infatuation

Can infatuation turn into love?

Love and infatuation similarities may be visible, but once you truly understand their meaning and differences, then infatuation vs. love can easily be analyzed.

Now that you’re aware, you would want to know when does infatuation become love, or does it develop?

Infatuation may turn into love, but that doesn’t always happen.

Some people realize the difference between love and infatuation, while other people lose interest when their feelings are not reciprocated.

A person may truly understand that what they felt was not love at all.

The difference between love and infatuation will uncover itself through time. Though, this also works for those people where their infatuation blossoms into genuine love.

How long does infatuation last when you’re in a relationship?

One of the best feelings is when your affection is reciprocated. Being in a relationship with the person you adore is a dream come true.

But what if you realize that what you have been feeling is not love, but infatuation? Now that you know that not all infatuation leads to love, you’d want to know how long would this intense feeling last?

There’s no timeframe on how long should your feelings of infatuation would last. Though, the most distinct phase of infatuation is what we call the “honeymoon” phase .

This also differs in every situation. Some may last for a few weeks, and other, for a few years.

After realizing that what you are feeling is infatuation and thinking that it’s just temporary, it’s better to focus on what you could do about it. 

How can you get over infatuation?

Don’t get this wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong with infatuation. It’s a normal feeling and could also turn into love.

Though, sometimes, a person may realize that their infatuation won’t go anywhere and would want to get over it.

Some people develop unhealthy habits that are no longer good for themselves and the person they like. This can cause problems, so deciding to move on may be their best option.

Whatever your reason, that’s also okay. There are some steps to take to get over an infatuation.

1. Avoid anything that reminds you of your infatuation

Infatuation can cause you to be too distracted, and this is not a good thing. Once you realize that you’re not in love, and then start by avoiding triggers.

Again, infatuation can be addicting and succumbing to this is unhealthy. Start by avoiding checking their social media profile, then if you have contact with each other, stop that too.

Gradually, you’ll learn to control and distance yourself .

2. List the unhealthy habits that you’ve develop

You know yourself better than anyone else. That means you are aware of the habits that you have developed throughout your infatuation

Did some of these habits affect your work, friendships, and even relationships?

If so, do yourself a favor and list all the unhealthy habits that you’ve developed. Use this list as a reminder of the things that changed, and what you want to gain in avoiding these habits.

When you’re tempted to try and snoop around the person you like, take a break and read the list.

3. Distract yourself

Of course, distancing yourself can be quite hard. Distract yourself by trying out new hobbies and learning how to focus on self-growth .

Again, learning how to control your emotions and habits will help you. But what if it’s too much? Is there anything you could do?

Still afraid of therapy? Try this introduction to self-growth and see how much it could do for you. 

4. Join support groups or therapy

Another option that will help and remind you about controlling your infatuation is to list all the bad habits that you’ve developed.

There are support groups that will help you through your journey. Don’t ever feel ashamed that you are asking for help. These trained professionals know how to help.

There is nothing wrong in choosing to get help in moving on from an unhealthy infatuation. 

5. Allow yourself to meet someone else

Don’t confine yourself with infatuation. There is more to life, and if you think you are being unfair to yourself and the people around you, don’t you think it’s time to move on? 

Most people will choose to close their doors. Don’t do that. Believe that you will meet someone who you will love, a person who will make you feel the difference between in love vs. infatuation.

In a nutshell

In summary, true love is a feeling of closeness between two people and is mutual. It gives and understands. 

Infatuation; on the other hand, produces a feeling of immense closeness, but these feelings are usually one-sided.

Even though pure and true love between two people can only develop in long term commitments and relationships, in rare cases infatuation can lead to such a strong connection.

Remember that there is nothing wrong with infatuation. In fact, it can inspire and give you happiness, as long as you know how to carry yourself. 

People may sometimes develop unhealthy habits. They can start obessive thoughts and lose their focus in life. In these rare cases, therapists are there to offer help. There are ways on how you can let go of infatuation.

Also know that infatuation can develop into true love. Who knows, it might happen to you. We do hope that all misconceptions you may have about infatuation vs. love are clear.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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5 Ways to Tell That It's Love and Not Just Infatuation

Infatuation idealizes love. love accepts what is really there..

Updated October 13, 2023 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

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• Infatuation is romance and sex rolled into one colossal high.
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Many of us have fallen madly in love, or what we thought was love. It’s sure to happen at least once in your life, if not many times. It’s that feeling like no other of being swept away on a magic carpet ride into the sunset with this one very special person. Your heart beats faster when you’re around them, or even just thinking about them. Life seems so exciting, so full of joy. Your beloved is like no other, and when you are with them, you are like no other. The world is a beautiful place. You know this feeling will go on forever.

But time goes by and life happens. Eventually, infatuation evolves into something else. That something could be love, or it could just stay infatuation for a while before it finally fizzles out and dies. To shed more light on the difference between love and infatuation, we turn to the research of Helen Fisher and her team who have found that romantic love exists as three categories: lust, attraction , and attachment . A specific set of hormones is assigned to each of these categories. Lust has to do with sexual gratification and is governed by the sex hormones of testosterone and estrogen . Attraction, governed by dopamine , norepinephrine, and serotonin, is tied to “reward” behavior, which explains why the beginning of a love relationship is so exciting and all-consuming.

Then, there is attachment, governed by oxytocin (the “cuddle hormone”) and vasopressin, which is the major factor exclusive to long-term relationships. It’s about bonding, friendship , the desire for closeness beyond sex. Throw lust and attraction into the mix and you’ve got the whole package—love in the fullest.

Here are five ways to help you recognize and understand the huge difference between infatuation and authentic love. Understand that every relationship is unique and different so what happens in one relationship may not happen in another. Infatuation may be over in a flash or last for weeks and months. Feelings of love may emerge early on in the relationship or may take time to evolve.

1. Biology is a key factor

I know we might like to think that we’re in total control of our thoughts and emotions. But when we’re attracted to someone and begin to have intense feelings for them, it’s largely because biology is helping us. Neurotransmitters released by the brain pour into our systems and produce and sustain feelings of pleasure, happiness , and even euphoria.

These hormones make us feel amazing. We feel fulfilled with another, attractive and attracted, powerful in our beliefs that this person (and relationship) is the one to last forever. We’re actually experiencing a chemical high. These neurotransmitters are addicting us to the feelings of “love,” or what we think is love. But over time, this intensity lessens and, if it is just infatuation, what you once felt will lessen as well, and the reality of the situation will become much clearer.

If it’s love, these initial feelings may lessen, too. But the neurotransmitters tied to attachment will kick in and what will emerge is a desire to bond, to want to be close, and to share life experiences.

2. Fantasy versus reality

When we’re infatuated, everything looks wonderful and perfect. Even though we know life isn’t perfect and often not wonderful, when we’re in this state of heightened emotion it seems as if everything is right as it is and that nothing can go wrong. That’s how distorted our thinking is. Infatuation allows us to see what we want to see, what we want others to be rather than who they are. We imagine that something is there that we want/need but that’s only a projection of what we want and need, and not what’s there in reality. In infatuation attraction overrides everything. It’s the fairytale.

In reality, life is what it is with no sugar-coating—the good, bad, and ugly. Love accepts what is, rather than what you want it to be. In love, our partner not only becomes the object of our desire but a trusted, dear friend. In authentic love, there are shared values, hopes, and dreams .

3. Superficial versus deep

When we’re infatuated, the emphasis is on what we think makes us most attractive—the way we look, dress, behave. We may be holding back for fear that if we showed parts of ourselves we don’t care for, our partner might be turned off. As with any fairytale, looks and outward appearances are everything. When infatuation starts to fade and the veil of so-called perfection is stripped away, who we thought we loved so much may not be the person who is really there.

Love accepts everything about the one we love including all their faults and flaws. Love knows that none of us is perfect, that we are all works in progress. Love supports, encourages, and nurtures the one we love. Authentic love encompasses honesty and trust.

4. Obsession versus "let it be”

Infatuation is another way of saying we are in love with an idea/ideal versus the real thing. One may become so infatuated that they think about the other person all day, totally consumed by them or thoughts of them when they’re not there. Infatuation can foster insecurity. The obsession with another can go as far as needing to control a partner’s every action—needing them around all the time, keeping tabs on them, tracking their actions, controlling their behavior. Infatuation can cause one to put their life on hold, neglecting family and friends, and the responsibilities of their own life.

Love allows for feeling completely at ease to be who you are at your core and accepts who you are without judgment or condition. Love is not just about how you feel for another but just as importantly, if not maybe more so, love in a relationship supports you to express your love in everything you do. A loving relationship is the fertile ground for becoming a fully loving person.

5. "Addicted" to love versus finding peace in love

Then there are those relationships in a class all their own. They may start off the same way as other relationships but their evolution is quite different. And here it helps to know about a person’s past as well as their past relationships. There are those who feel they are "addicted" to romantic love, believing that that is what true love is. They fall in “love” hard and fast, so sure that this one is the real one. They know right away that they have found their soulmate. They look for the high of romance.

However, when real life imposes itself, as it must, they’re sure they got it wrong and go on to the next romantic relationship where the inevitable high happens and then fades. If infatuation is all they really experience, they may never get to the love part with its ups and downs, triumphs and disappointments, difficulties and rewards. If you’re looking for love at its best and fullest, then buyer beware in situations like this. While romance is beautiful, that alone won’t sustain a relationship over time.

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Abigail Brenner, M.D . , is a psychiatrist in private practice. She is the author of Transitions: How Women Embrace Change and Celebrate Life and other books.

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Infatuation vs. Love: How Can You Tell the Difference?

Love and infatuation are two powerful emotions that often leave us bewildered and yearning for answers. Are those heart-fluttering moments true love or simply fleeting infatuation?

Understanding the psychology behind these feelings can shed light on this age-old dilemma. In this in-depth blog post, we will explore the nuances of infatuation and love, incorporating relevant psychological theories to help you distinguish between the two.

The Allure of Infatuation

Infatuation, with its fiery intensity, can feel like a spellbinding whirlwind, captivating us with its allure. According to psychologist Dorothy Tennov’s “Limerence” theory , this infatuation phase is characterized by an obsessive focus on the object of desire.

The release of neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain contributes to the intense pleasure and euphoria experienced during this stage.

Spotting Infatuation: A Psychological Perspective

• Intense Attraction : Infatuation often begins with an instant and overwhelming attraction to someone. Your mind becomes preoccupied with thoughts of the object of your affection.
• Idealization : The person you are infatuated with becomes an idealized version in your mind. You may overlook their flaws and only see their positive attributes.
• Emotional Rollercoaster : Infatuation can lead to extreme emotional highs and lows. One moment, you feel elated, and the next, you are consumed by doubt and insecurity.

The Essence of Love

Unlike infatuation’s passionate whirlwind, love is an emotion that flourishes over time, rooted in deeper connections and attachment. Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby , explains that love involves forming a strong emotional bond with a partner and seeking security and comfort in their presence.

Recognizing Love: A Psychological Perspective

• Deep Connection : Love goes beyond physical attraction. It’s a profound emotional bond where you feel understood, accepted, and valued for who you truly are.
• Commitment and Sacrifice : Love entails commitment and the willingness to make sacrifices for the well-being of your partner. It involves supporting each other through life’s challenges.
• Comfort and Security : Being in love brings a sense of comfort and safety, knowing you have a partner you can rely on and share life’s joys and burdens.

Distinguishing the Two

Now that we understand the psychological underpinnings of both infatuation and love, let’s explore how to differentiate between these emotions.

The Infatuation-Love Litmus Test

• Time Test : Infatuation tends to be intense and short-lived, while love develops and deepens over time. If those feelings persist and evolve positively, it might be love.
• Clarity Check : Step back and analyze your emotions. Are you genuinely invested in your partner’s happiness and well-being, or is it primarily focused on fulfilling your desires?
• Mind Over Matter : Infatuation can cloud your judgment, leading to unrealistic perceptions of your partner. Reflect on the relationship’s foundation and whether it has a future beyond intense chemistry.
• Testing Times : Observe how your connection weathers challenges. Infatuation might wane when faced with difficulties, whereas love remains steadfast and supportive.

The Role of Attachment Styles

Attachment theory, proposed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth , further illuminates the dynamics of love and infatuation by examining our attachment styles. There are four primary attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant.

These styles influence how we connect with others and perceive love.

Attachment Styles: A Psychological Perspective

• Secure Attachment: Individuals with a secure attachment style are comfortable with emotional intimacy and seek to establish a close connection with their partners. They tend to have more stable and fulfilling relationships built on trust and effective communication.
• Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment: Those with an anxious attachment style often experience heightened insecurity and a fear of abandonment. They may become excessively preoccupied with their partner and seek constant reassurance.
• Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment: Individuals with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style may struggle with emotional intimacy and tend to prioritize independence. They may avoid emotional vulnerability and maintain a more distant demeanor.
• Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: This attachment style combines elements of anxious and avoidant styles. Those with a fearful-avoidant style desire closeness but fear rejection and may struggle to trust others fully.

An Anecdote of Distinguishing Infatuation vs. Love

Meet Sarah: Sarah had just started a new job, and there, she met Alex, a charming and charismatic colleague. From the moment she laid eyes on him, she felt an intense attraction she had never experienced before. Every interaction with Alex left her heart racing, and she couldn’t stop thinking about him.

At first, Sarah believed it was love, but as days turned into weeks, she began to question her feelings. Was it genuine love or merely infatuation? Sarah sought advice from her close friend, Emily, who had been through similar experiences before.

Emily shared her wisdom: “Infatuation can be overwhelming, Sarah. It feels like a whirlwind of emotions, but it’s essential to step back and see if it withstands the test of time. Love grows gradually, and it’s about building a deep connection and understanding with someone.”

With Emily’s advice in mind, Sarah decided to take things slow and truly get to know Alex beyond the initial attraction. As they spent more time together, Sarah noticed that Alex had flaws and quirks, but they didn’t diminish her feelings for him. Instead, she appreciated his imperfections, knowing they made him unique.

As weeks turned into months, Sarah’s initial infatuation began to evolve into something deeper. She felt a sense of security and comfort with Alex, and they developed a strong emotional bond. Sarah realized that what she felt for Alex was love—a love that was grounded in understanding, trust, and commitment.

The Journey of Self-Discovery

Decoding the mystery of emotions is not just about understanding infatuation and love but also about discovering ourselves in the process. Each relationship, whether driven by infatuation or love, teaches us valuable lessons about our desires, boundaries, and personal growth.

Embracing Self-Reflection: A Psychological Perspective

• Assessing Personal Needs: Reflect on your values and what you seek in a relationship. Are you looking for a fleeting thrill, or do you desire a deep and meaningful connection with a partner?
• Understanding Triggers: Explore your emotional triggers and past experiences that may impact how you perceive and react to love and infatuation.
• Setting Boundaries: In order to maintain mutual respect, and emotional well-being, and prevent issues such as resentment , it is important to acquire the skill of establishing healthy boundaries within relationships.

Can infatuation lead to love over time?

Yes, infatuation can potentially evolve into love as the initial intense attraction mellows and a deeper emotional bond forms between two individuals.

Are both infatuation and love important in a relationship?

Yes, both emotions are essential in relationships. Infatuation can provide excitement and passion, while love offers stability, emotional support, and long-term commitment.

How can I tell if I’m experiencing infatuation or genuine love?

Pay attention to the duration and intensity of your emotions. Infatuation tends to be short-lived and characterized by extreme highs and lows, while love grows steadily and is more consistent.

Is it possible to be infatuated with someone and still love them at the same time?

Yes, it is possible to experience both emotions simultaneously. However, it’s crucial to differentiate between the intense feelings of infatuation and the deeper emotional bond of love.

Can attachment styles influence the way we experience love and infatuation?

Absolutely. Attachment styles play a significant role in how we connect with others and perceive love. Understanding your attachment style can provide insights into your relationship dynamics.

Is infatuation always fleeting and short-lived?

While infatuation tends to be intense and short-lived, its duration can vary from person to person. Some infatuations may last longer, but they often fade as the initial intensity subsides.

Can love fade away over time?

Love, if nurtured and tended to, can endure and deepen over time. However, neglecting the relationship or fundamental issues can lead to the fading of love.

Can you be in love with someone you’ve never met in person?

It is possible to feel a deep emotional connection and affection for someone you’ve never met in person, but it may be more akin to infatuation until you have the opportunity to develop a more substantial bond.

In the intricate tapestry of emotions, infatuation, and love occupy unique and significant spaces. Infatuation can sweep us off our feet with its fiery intensity, while love provides a profound connection built on trust and commitment. By understanding the psychological theories behind these emotions and our attachment styles, we gain valuable insights to distinguish between the two.

As we embark on the journey of self-discovery, it becomes clear that both infatuation and love play pivotal roles in shaping our lives and relationships. So, cherish each emotion, learn from every experience, and let this newfound knowledge guide you toward authentic connections and happiness. Happy exploring! 💖🔍🚀