refusing to do his homework

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My Teen Won’t Do Homework. How Can I Fix This?

Meet Jake, a 15-year-old ninth grader, who rarely, if ever, does his homework. Jake’s teachers report that he is inconsistent. He enjoys learning about topics that interest him but seems unfocused during class and fails to complete necessary schoolwork, both in class and at home. Although his grades are suffering , Jake makes no effort to improve his circumstances. His frustrated parents find that their only recourse is nagging and con­stant supervision.

Sound familiar? When a teen won’t do homework , we call this behavior work inhibition. Here are some common characteris­tics of work inhibited students:

• Disorganization
• Lack of follow-through
• Inability to work indepen­dently; more likely to do work when a teacher or par­ent hovers close by
• Lack of focus
• Avoidance of work
• Lack of passion about school, despite ability and intelligence
• Negative attitude; self-conscious and easily discouraged

How can a parent help when a teen refuses to do school homework? First, try to uncover the root of the problem and then devise solutions based on that reason.

3 Reasons Why Teens Don’t Complete Homework and What to Do:

1. missing skills.

The most common rea­son for lack of motivation is a gap in skills. Unplanned absences or a heavy extracurricular load can contribute to skill gaps, even in otherwise bright teens. If you suspect a skill gap, act quickly to have your teen assessed. Your school guidance counselor can recommend the right resources.

2. Poor habits

Poor work habits can also contribute to work inhibition. Try to focus on a work system rather than the work itself with your teen. Set small goals to­gether and teach your teen to set small goals for him or herself. Try to take frequent notice of your teen’s effort and progress.

3. Lack of confidence

Often, students who are work inhibited fear being wrong and won’t ask questions when they need help. Teach your teen that everyone makes mistakes. Help them see these mistakes as another opportunity for learning.

What Parents Can Do to Promote Self-Sufficiency

1. offer limited help with homework.

Parents can offer limited help with homework.  Try to avoid micromanaging the process. When you micromanage, the mes­sage you send is that your teen will fail if you aren’t involved. When you show confidence in your teen’s ability to complete the task with­out you, your teen’s motivation and self-esteem will increase.

3. Resist lecturing

Ask your teen for ways you can help, but don’t lec­ture. Lectures about poor work habits and constant reminders about the negative consequences of unfinished homework can cre­ate more dependency.

3. Empower your teenager

Chores are a great way to empower teens . Delegating demonstrates your confidence in their ability. Try assigning tasks related to an area of interest. If your teen en­joys trying new foods, delegate the preparation and cooking of dinner one night each week.

4. Focus on strengths

Focus on strengths rath­er than pointing out your teen’s faults. When your teen succeeds, give genuine, specific praise. When you need to discuss expectations or problems use a matter-of-fact tone instead of an emotional tone.

Once you and your teen agree on the underlying problem, then the two of you can develop a plan to help create a self-sufficient student.

Martina McIsaac is executive director of Huntington Learning Centers.

clock This article was published more than  3 years ago

My bright teen is skipping homework and failing classes, and I don’t know what to do

Q: My 15-year-old son, a high school sophomore, has stopped doing his homework when he doesn't like the subject or the teacher, or when he thinks it's stupid, and he's now failing two classes. He has also lied to me about it; he got away with the lies until the school sent notices, so he has all but destroyed my trust in him. This has been going on since grammar school, but it's getting worse as he gets older. I've tried everything I can think of: therapy, taking away the Xbox, using the Xbox or other things as rewards he can earn, letting him handle it on his own, partial involvement, hovering, crying and screaming — and I feel awful about those last two. I'm trying to take your advice to be careful not to damage our relationship over things, but I don't know what else to do. Failing major subjects in high school seems like a problem. Am I wrong to be so concerned? He won't work with a tutor anymore, either. He's a smart kid, so it's not a lack of ability. Please help.

A: I am going to be honest with you: I relate to your son. I started to check out of school around sixth grade and stayed checked out well through high school. I was bright but had stopped caring about most of my classes, and nothing changed my mind. Paid for good grades? Nope. Punishments? Nah. Rewards? Didn’t care. Threats? Didn’t matter. I was only affected by a handful of people, and otherwise, I couldn’t be reached. And this wasn’t even in a pandemic; this was just the ’90s.

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As I see it, your son is a puzzle (as we all are), and we have a couple of the puzzle pieces in front of us. He is bright (a word that doesn’t carry much meaning), he doesn’t do his homework when he is disinterested in the subject and/or teacher, he lies about it, this behavior has been happening since grammar school, every manner of behavior modification has been attempted (and failed), you have tried therapy, and he refuses a tutor. There are many other things I don’t know about your son, including his health, any transitions or traumas for him or the family, possible learning disabilities or differences (yes, you can be bright and have a whole host of learning issues that prohibit learning in a “typical” way) and family structure. I could go on and on!

The big question is why. Why did your son begin to disconnect from school?

Although I can do little to help you in this note, I do want to keep guiding you to the “why” instead of the “what.” Of course we don’t want your son failing courses — no one wants that for their children — but our parenting goal is not getting him to pass classes. It is to understand him, so he can understand and help himself. At 15, he is well on his way to becoming a young man, and whatever is causing his disconnect from school is what needs your attention.

As you discover the “why,” you need to understand why rewards and punishments don’t seem to work with some children, especially when it comes to schoolwork. There is a time and place for typical behavioral techniques. Take something away that children love, they stop the unwanted behavior. Give them something they love, they repeat wanted behavior. Fine. But this only really works when children already care about school, their teachers and, yes, maybe the work. Caring about your integrity, what you produce and how your teacher feels about you is the primary driver of working hard, not rewards or punishments. If you have a teen who is accustomed to not caring about what his teachers or you think, then he is immune to your punishments and rewards. “Not caring” runs both ways; you don’t feel the “bad stuff,” and you also don’t feel the “good stuff.” As a person who didn’t care about a lot of things for a long time, I can say that it is a horrible way to live. I was wretched to parent and educate.

Let’s pause all the behavior-modification shenanigans. Let’s pause the fear of all this failing and what it means for his future. Let’s pause shoving him into therapy or tutoring. Let’s. Just. Stop. Repeat after me: “My son is not a project. He is a fully human young man, and he needs my support and love.” Repeat this over and over and over, then start getting curious. Invite him to eat with you, go on a hike with you, learn a video game with you, anything, and try to get to know him without an agenda. Every single class he is failing can be made up. Every single thing he hasn’t learned can eventually be learned, and I want you to tell him that. I also want you to highlight and discuss what he does well. He is passing classes! He is (maybe) doing chores! These failed classes are not the sum of his person, so stop treating them as if they are.

10 ways to take the struggle out of homework

I also want you to tell him that it’s typical to not want to do well for people to whom we don’t feel connected. My spidey sense is that something (or things) happened in grammar school that caused him to armor up, and the armor has grown thicker. And of course he’s lying to you. When people feel ashamed of their actions (not doing homework and failing), they lie, then they get in trouble for the lie (adding on more shame), which adds to more lying. Let’s just assume he isn’t going to do the homework for some of these classes. We can take out the extra shame layer.

I can hear you having a panic attack, and I know I have not told you what to do to fix this situation, but it is not going to get fixed. Your son is not broken; he just needs support. Please call your pediatrician for a good work-up, and peek around at possible learning issues. (Giftedness is on the table, too.) Please personally reach out to a teacher whom your son loves and respects, and ask for support. What got me through high school? A choir teacher, an AP English teacher, my Mom Mom, my aunt, and the fact that my parents didn’t give up and send me out of the house. That’s it. Find someone your son cares about, and have them start talking, hanging out, checking in, etc. As a former teacher, I did this and was never burdened by it; it is called community, and we all need it.

The most encouraging part about your note is that you know this is a relationship-first issue. Keep that as your North Star, and as your son begins to thaw, you can add other strategies, such as rewards and punishments. Check out Cara Natterson’s “ Decoding Boys ” and think about seeing your own parent coach or therapist. You are doing hard parenting work, and you need a safe place for your fears and big emotions.

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Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

7 Ways to Stop the Parent-Child Power Struggle Over Homework

By debbie pincus, ms lmhc.

Do you find yourself in full-on homework battles most nights of the week? It’s no surprise that most children and teens will dig in their heels when it comes to doing schoolwork. Think of it this way: How many kids want to do something that isn’t particularly exciting or pleasant? Most would prefer to be playing video games, riding their bikes or driving around with friends, especially after a long day of school and activities.

As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under her control.

The underlying truth here is that you and your child might already be caught in a power struggle over this. Like most parents, you probably want your children to do well and be responsible. Maybe you worry about your child’s future. After all, doing homework and chores are your child’s prime responsibilities, right? Let’s face it, it’s easy to get anxious when your kids are not doing what they’re supposed to be doing—and when you know how important doing schoolwork is. And when you believe you are ultimately responsible for the choices your child makes (and many of us do, consciously and unconsciously), the ante is upped and the tug of war begins.

Nagging, Lecturing and Yelling—But Nothing Changes?

If you’re in the habit of threatening, lecturing, questioning your child, nagging or even screaming at them “do the work!” (and trust me, we’ve all been there), you probably feel like you’re doing whatever it takes to get your kids on track. But when you’re in your child’s head, there’s no room for him to think for himself. And unfortunately, the more anxious you are, the more you’ll hold on in an attempt to control him and push him toward the task at hand. What happens then? Your child will resist by pushing back. That’s when the power struggle ensues. Your child, in essence, is saying, “I own my own life—stay out!” Now the battle for autonomy is getting played out around homework and chores, and exactly what you feared and hoped to avoid gets created.

This is very aggravating for parents to say the least. Many of us get trapped into thinking we are responsible for our child’s choices in life. As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under their control. This is because you will need your child to make those good choices—do the work—so you will feel that you’re doing a good job. Your child’s behavior becomes a reflection of you. You are now at your child’s mercy as you trying to get him to do what you want him to do so you can feel validated as a good parent. Your child does not want to be taking care of your emotional well-being, so he will naturally resist.

When kids are not following through on their responsibilities, it can easily trigger a number of feelings in parents. Note that your child did not cause these feelings, but rather triggered feelings that already belong to you. You might be triggered by a feeling of anger because you feel ineffective or fear that your child will never amount to anything. Or you might feel guilt about not doing a good enough job as a parent. Here’s the truth:  You have to be careful not to let these triggered feelings cause you to push your kids harder so that you can feel better. One of the toughest things parents have to do is learn how to soothe their own difficult feelings rather than ask their children to do that for them. This is the first step in avoiding power struggles.

Why are power struggles important to avoid? They inadvertently create just what you’ve feared. Your child is living his life in reaction to you rather than making his own independent choices. Learning how to make those choices is a necessary skill that develops self-motivation.  How can you avoid ending up in these battles? Here are 7 tips that can really help.

1. You are not responsible for your child’s choices

Understand that you are not responsible for the choices your child makes in his life. It’s impossible to take on that burden without a battle for control over another human being. Measure your success as a parent by how you behave — not by what your child chooses to do or not do. Doing a good job as a parent means that you have done all that you can do as a responsible person. It does not mean that you have raised a perfect person who has made all the right choices. Once you really get this, you won’t be so anxious about your child’s behaviors, actions, and decisions. You will be able to see your child from objective, not subjective, lenses and therefore be able to guide their behavior, because you’ll have seen what he actually needs.

2. You cannot make someone care—but you can influence them

You cannot get a person to do or care about what they don’t want to do or care about. Our kids have their own genetics, roles, and ultimately their own free will. So focusing on getting your child to change or getting something from her will not work long-term and will most often turn into a power struggle. What you can do is try to influence your child using only what is in your own hands. For example, when it comes to homework, you can structure the environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done.

3. Think about the “fences” you’d like to create for your child

Take charge of your own best thinking and decisions rather than trying to control your child’s. Pause, think and decide what fences you want to create for your child. What are your bottom lines? Know what you can and can’t do as a parent. Recognize that what will make the biggest difference to your child (and helping him become a responsible kid who makes good choices) will be learning how to inspire him, not control him. Building a positive relationship with your kids is your best parenting strategy. Children want to please the people in their lives that they have loving feelings toward. You cannot ultimately make them accept your values, but you can inspire them to do so. Getting a child to listen to you is primarily about setting up the conditions under which they choose to do so. In order to do this, make a conscious effort to sprinkle your relationship with more positive interactions than negative ones. Hug, show affection, laugh together, and spend time with one another. Point out your appreciations most instead of constantly correcting, instructing, teaching, yelling, complaining, or reprimanding.  Don’t get me wrong, you need to correct and reprimand as a parent. But make a conscious effort so that every time you do this, you will follow it with many positive interactions. The human brain remembers the negatives much more than the positives. Most kids will be happy to listen and be guided by the people in their lives who they like and respect.

4. Should you give consequences when kids don’t do homework?

Parents always ask whether or not they should give consequences to kids if they don’t do their homework—or instead just let the chips fall where they may.  I think you can give consequences, and that might work temporarily—maybe even for a while. Perhaps your child will learn to be more responsible or to use anxiety about the consequences to motivate themselves. You can’t change someone else, but consequences might help them get some homework done. You can’t “program” your child to care about their work, but you can create a work environment that promotes a good work ethic. Kids who regularly get their homework done and study do better throughout school and overall in life.

5. How structuring the environment can encourage studying

Again, you can’t make a child do anything that he doesn’t feel like doing, but you can structure his environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done. When your child’s grades slip, or you find that he’s not getting his work in on time, you are automatically “invited in” to supervise and help him get on track. You can make sure that for certain periods of time, he will not be able to do anything other than schoolwork. The rule is during that time, no electronics are allowed—just homework and studying. By doing this, you are providing a structure to do what your child probably can’t do yet for himself. The hour and a half that you set aside should be a time when you will be around to enforce the rules that you have set. Give a fixed amount of time and once that time is up, your child is free to go elsewhere, homework done or not. Stay consistent with this plan, even if he fights you on it. This plan will accomplish the possibility that your child will get some homework done and maybe over time, create some better work habits. That’s all. This plan should be in place, whether or not he has homework. He can read, review or study if he doesn’t have any during that time. Let him know that these rules will change when his grades begin to reflect his potential and when you are not getting negative reports from teachers about missing homework. When he accomplishes this, tell him you will be happy to have him be fully in charge of his own homework.

6. Parents of Defiant kids

 Extremely defiant kids who don’t seem to care about consequences really try their parents. Some of these kids suffer from ADHD, ODD, learning disabilities, emotional issues and many other issues. Defiance has become a way for them to try and solve their problems. With defiant kids, parents need to be very cognizant of working to develop positive relationships, no matter how difficult. Above all, work to avoid getting pulled into a power struggle. Your child will need many more learning opportunities and more rewards and negative consequences—and more time to learn these lessons than less defiant child. And if nothing changes, and your child continues to be defiant, you must continue to work on your own patience and be thoughtful about your own bottom line. Most important, continue to love your child and keep showing up.

7. Your simple message to your child

Be clear, concise and direct. Your simple message to your kids, which does not require lectures or big sit down conversations is, “Your job is to take care of your responsibilities, which includes getting your homework done and helping out in the house. That’s my expectation for you. Once you’ve done that each day, you are welcome to do what you’d like.” Remember, as a parent your job is to essentially help your child do her job.

Related content: What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled from School “My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over School Work

About Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC

For more than 25 years, Debbie has offered compassionate and effective therapy and coaching, helping individuals, couples and parents to heal themselves and their relationships. Debbie is the creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program and is also the author of numerous books for young people on interpersonal relations.

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Frustrated mom This is by far the very worst parenting advice I have ever heard. Can it be anymore vague and general? There’s literally nothing in this article that deals with actually doing homework! In fact it is more so a guide on things that most parents already know and should More be doing! The other part of this article is basically saying that you should allow your child to be their own authority. Do kids not need to learn to obey rules in today’s world? A lesson in life is that your children aren’t always going to be given a choice and when they are given a choice, it doesn’t mean they’re going to like any of the possible outcomes. Allowing them to think they have a choice in order to circumvent basic responsibilities is completely and utterly counter productive! I had to do homework when I was a kid whether I liked it or not! I knew this even as a small child. Children historically do not make the best decisions on their own. There’s a reason we have an age where it’s considered by society that you’re officially an adult. Until children reach that age, they don’t have a choice!

I am a special education preschool educator. Yes, I do send homework home for the following reasons:1. It starts good habits relating to reinforcing skills taught at school.

2. It allows me to educate and inform parents on what skills children need to be learning.

3. Some skills need more effort to be learned- such as name writing.

4. I want my kiddos to have a headstart and school is important! Homework is a way of getting kids ahead.

Hands down- my kiddos who learn skills at home- for example "economics homework" are more likely to master this skill when taught at school AND at home! It helps! Trust me! and all kiddos undergo assessments when entering kindergarten and often it is considered a predictor in success for the year!

georgeesmith Very methodical, can give a try to make it possible :)

lisakelper9 Sounds good but very hard to implement in reality. But still its a good attempt.

JackRusso1 I disagree with this as a whole. This person has no idea what children are really like. Children are stressed a lot, nagging them won't help. They don't want to talk about homework at home because then the parent asks irritating questions. It's not that they don't care, it's that More they need to do things on their own. When a parent is constantly on their backs the child gets stressed out. In my eyes, few parents understand this. Believe it or not...I'm 13 and I can do better then you. This isn't a helpful list of tips, it's a list of how to make the situation worse!

Oh my goodness!   This all sounds very charming but has no real application!  

Let me give you my scenario of raising a "Defiant" child:

Our homework structure is that she work at her well organized desk...quite charming in fact.  

She is expected to work 15 minutes per subject which is a grand total of an hour and 30 min.

No tech unless all work is complete and no matter what, no tech before 6:30 pm.

Down time for reading (which she loves) is after homework and her home chore is done.

we have a rewards currency.  We have a consequence system.  

Guess what?  It is not that simple.  She will waste her time "studying" so we require her to log notes on what she is reading so does not just sit and stare at her books for an hour and a half (which she will do).  We periodically check her log as she is working and help review info.  Again...quite charming.

She is failing most of her subjects because she does not bring ANY assigned work home.  None.  And then she lies about the work that we track down.  

She is not internally nor externally motivated. 

Sometimes a child is not emotionally mature enough to handle things like this and their brains are unable to really connect action and consequence.  Sometimes you need to let your child fail.  I hear from her teachers "I have no idea what to do with _________"  My response is....there is nothing YOU can do.  Only what ______ can do and she chooses not to.

A child who is unable to focus on learning is focusing on something else instead.  For my daughter it is the undying need for acceptance....peer acceptance.  So how to retrain the brain is tough.  Wish me luck because THERE IS NO ANSWER!  THERE IS NO FIX!

I often wonder about the value of homework. While I appreciate the article and noted some key takeaways here that will be very helpful to me, such as "Learn how to inspire, not control" and "Measure your success as a parent by how you behave"...I often find myself yelling at my seven year old angel because she just doesn't have an interest in learning..and then I spend the rest of the night disgusted with myself for being angry with her. She is the sweetest, most lovable little girl filled with street smarts. But she's behind in school, slow with reading, and fights me constantly with her homework.

I stepped up over the summer and had assignments all summer long so she could hopefully catch up. But little has changed. She continues to have no interest, which I interpret as lazy. She would much rather watch Netflix or play; something I try to balance. I wasn't a great student in school but I did love homework. I hated the "institution" and rebelled against control. But I've managed to make a good life for myself because I've been highly motivated, driven and disciplined. My concern is she doesn't seem to have those traits...yet. It might still be too soon. However, I struggle to push too hard (contrary to how it sounds) because I'm a big advocate of work-life balance.

She is busy all day with school and activities and the idea of having her do more when she gets home before she rests, plays or unwinds, seems like corporal punishment. Yes. And I'm not dramatic. But really? I get the importance of establishing a good work ethic. However,  I work all day. When I get home, I'm tired. I take a break before I tend to house chores. Nothing gets neglected but I pace myself. I also take home work but that's done later in the evening, after I've tended to my family AND had some down time. Don't kids deserve down time too?

I hate putting this pressure on my child, yet I know the pressure she feels being a slower reader, struggling with phonetics, etc. is as great if not worse. I can see her as a very successful person later on because she has very strong social skills and a kindness that far surpasses most of the other kids I've seen. But I struggle with finding that balance between pushing academics and just letting time prove itself. I am a big advocate of moderation and balance, yet I really struggle with applying that value in today's academic world which starts as young as kindergarten!

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• 1. The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework
• 2. "My Child Refuses to Do Homework" — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork
• 3. What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled From School
• 4. Acting Out in School: When Your Child is the Class Troublemaker
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Battles Over Homework: Advice For Parents

Guidelines for helping children develop self-discipline with their homework..

Posted September 5, 2012 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

I would like to offer some advice about one of the most frequent problems presented to me in over 30 years of clinical practice: battles over homework. I have half-jokingly told many parents that if the schools of New York State no longer required homework, our children’s education would suffer (slightly). But, as a child psychologist, I would be out of business.

Many parents accept this conflict with their children as an unavoidable consequence of responsible parenting . These battles, however, rarely result in improved learning or performance in school. More often than not, battles over homework lead to vicious cycles of nagging by parents and avoidance or refusal by children, with no improvement in a child’s school performance. And certainly no progress toward what should be our ultimate goals : helping children enjoy learning and develop age-appropriate discipline and independence with respect to their schoolwork.

Before I present a plan for reducing battles over homework, it is important to begin with this essential reminder:

The solution to the problem of homework always begins with an accurate diagnosis and a recognition of the demands placed on your child. Parents should never assume that a child who resists doing homework is “lazy.”

Every child whose parents or teachers report ongoing resistance to completing schoolwork or homework; every child whose performance in school is below expectations based on his parents’ or teachers’ intuitive assessment of his intellectual potential; and every child who, over an extended period of time, complains that he “hates school” or “hates reading,” should be evaluated for the presence of an attention or learning disorder.

These children are not lazy. Your child may be anxious, frustrated, discouraged, distracted, or angry—but this is not laziness. I frequently explain to parents that, as a psychologist, the word lazy is not in my dictionary. Lazy, at best, is a description, not an explanation.

For children with learning difficulties, doing their homework is like running with a sprained ankle: It is possible, although painful, and he will look for ways to avoid or postpone this painful and discouraging task.

A Homework Plan

Homework, like any constructive activity, involves moments of frustration, discouragement, and anxiety . If you begin with some appreciation of your child’s frustration and discouragement, you will be better able to put in place a structure that helps him learn to work through his frustration—to develop increments of frustration tolerance and self-discipline.

I offer families who struggle with this problem a Homework Plan:

• Set aside a specified, and limited, time for homework. Establish, early in the evening, a homework hour.
• For most children, immediately after school is not the best time for homework. This is a time for sports, for music and drama, and free play.
• During the homework hour, all electronics are turned off—for the entire family.
• Work is done in a communal place, at the kitchen or dining room table. Contrary to older conventional wisdom , most elementary school children are able to work more much effectively in a common area, with an adult and even other children present, than in the “quiet” of their rooms.
• Parents may do their own ”homework” during this time, but they are present and continually available to help, to offer encouragement, and to answer children’s questions. Your goal is to create, to the extent possible, a library atmosphere in your home, again, for a specified and limited period of time. Ideally, therefore, parents should not make or receive telephone calls during this hour. And when homework is done, there is time for play.
• Begin with a reasonable, a doable, amount of time set aside for homework. If your child is unable to work for 20 minutes, begin with 10 minutes. Then try 15 minutes in the next week. Acknowledge every increment of effort, however small.
• Be positive and give frequent encouragement. Make note of every improvement, not every mistake.
• Be generous with your praise. Praise their effort, not their innate ability. But do not be afraid of praise.
• Anticipate setbacks. After a difficult day, reset for the following day.
• Give them time. A child’s difficulty completing homework begins as a problem of frustration and discouragement, but it is then complicated by defiant attitudes and feelings of unfairness. A homework plan will begin to reduce these defiant attitudes, but this will not happen overnight.

Most families have found these suggestions helpful, especially for elementary school children. Establishing a homework hour allows parents to move away from a language of threats (“If you don’t__ you won’t be able to__”) to a language of opportunities (“When” or “As soon as” you have finished__ we’ll have a chance to__”).

Of course, for many hurried families, there are complications and potential glitches in implementing any homework plan. It is often difficult, with children’s many activities, to find a consistent time for homework. Some flexibility, some amendments to the plan, may be required. But we should not use the complications of scheduling or other competing demands as an excuse, a reason not to establish the structure of a reasonable homework routine.

Copyright Ken Barish, Ph.D.

See Pride and Joy: A Guide to Understanding Your Child’s Emotions and Solving Family Problems .

Kenneth Barish, Ph.D. , is a clinical associate professor of Psychology at Weill Medical College, Cornell University.

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Q: The Big Problem of Even Bigger Homework Meltdowns

You are exhausted by your teen’s resistance to homework — yelling, slamming doors, and refusing to take responsibility for assignments due. is there any hope for stemming the meltdowns and incentivizing your child to take ownership of homework done well — and on time.

Q: “Though we have a homework plan and agreed-upon schedule , when the time comes to get started my child has an epic meltdown — yelling, slamming doors, refusing to do the work. I’m exhausted by these daily battles and my child’s grades are suffering. I know homework is tougher for students with attention deficit disorder ( ADHD or ADD ) and some accommodations may be appropriate, but how do we move forward when my child’s reaction is so strong and so negative every single time homework comes up?”

Homework is complicated — for kids and adults — for very different reasons! While you may have a homework plan to which your kids have agreed in theory, a plan is only as good as a child’s ownership of it. So if kids are having meltdowns and refusing to do homework , it is more than likely that they have not actually bought into the plan.

That doesn’t necessarily mean your son doesn’t want to use the plan, though, or that he won’t in the future. It just means that there’s probably something else going on that is a more pressing problem .

[ Free Download: Evaluate Your Teen’s Emotional Control ]

Perhaps he has not bought in because it’s not his plan; or he’s afraid he can’t do it; or he wants to do it another way; or he just doesn’t see why he needs to do homework at all! The real problem is not yet clear, and therefore even the best homework plan may not be the right solution to address the underlying problem. This is extremely common. Very often, parents put in place solutions before getting really clear about the real problem they’re trying to address.

For example, a parent or school might decide that all students need to use a planner. But what if it’s not a great fit for your child? When the child does not come home with all of her assignments written somewhat legibly in the book, she gets in trouble — either at home or at school. But the real challenge actually has not been discussed — that the child needs an effective way to capture her homework assignments each day . More than likely, no one ever talked with her about what else she might try besides a planner. And so she’s getting in trouble for not using the planner, when in truth she’d do great checking in with a homework-buddy or taking a photo of the assignment on the board, or… you get the idea.

We get upset when kids don’t use the systems we put in place for them. But why should they? It’s usually not really their system!

Instead of starting with the solution, I encourage parents to back up and figure out what’s really going on. If your kids are having homework meltdowns, ask yourself this: “What is the underlying challenge?” You’ll likely find that your child doesn’t see or agree that it’s his job to do the homework. He’s gotten accustomed to relying on his parents to make sure it gets done, so homework is still the parents’ priority, not his. An effective solution to that problem is very different from creating a homework plan. Now, the goal is to focus on helping the child take ownership of his homework.

[ Free Webinar Replay: You’ve Got This! Motivating Teens Without Threats or Arguments ]

So how do you help a child take ownership ? Well, it’s definitely a more complicated question to answer, as it involves motivation and a number of other parenting approaches. But I’d suggest you start by getting a better understanding of what your child is actually resisting. It is fear of failure (“If I don’t do it, I don’t do it wrong” or “It doesn’t matter; I’m just going to do it wrong anyway”)? Or maybe fear of success (“If I do this, they’ll expect me to do it every day.”)? Is it boredom? Too difficult right after school when your child is exhausted? What is really going on?

Resistance is a clear sign that your child is struggling with something. You can’t help him learn to overcome it if you don’t understand the real problem. If you accept that the problem is NOT that your child won’t follow an agreed-upon homework plan, then you can focus on the real problem… and you’ll be several steps closer to an effective solution.

[ Step In or Step Back? How to Recognize (and Stop) Enabling ]

Do you have a question for ADDitude’s Dear Teen Parenting Coach? Submit your question or challenge here.

The opinions and suggestions presented above are intended for your general knowledge only and are not a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your own or your child’s condition.

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ADHD Child Refuses to Do Schoolwork: Top Tips to Help | Beyond Booksmart

By Sean Potts and Jackie Hebert

Let’s be honest… No student loves homework - and for good reason. When we consider the full school day, extracurriculars, and various social components that are all part of a typical school week, it’s no wonder why students want to relax and recharge when they finally get home. However, part of growing up is learning to roll up our sleeves and do those essential things we might not want to do - and for students, this means working through that algebra worksheet or history reading despite being drained from the 10+ hour day they just had. 

In this blog, we’re going to explore homework refusal and what you can do as a parent to nudge your student toward a healthier relationship with their homework. We’ll organize this exploration through four key questions: 

• What is homework refusal? 
• What causes homework refusal?
• How do you overcome homework refusal? 
• What outside support is there for homework refusal? 

Let’s dive right in.

1. What is homework refusal?

Homework refusal is when a student develops a strong avoidance of homework to the point of regularly refusing to complete their school work. A typical student who struggles with homework refusal may procrastinate to start their assignments, freeze up when they sit down to work, struggle to resist distractions after school, and release outbursts of anger or frustration when confronted about homework. 

Over time, these issues often devolve into worsening grades, frequent conflicts at home, and increased stress levels for caregivers and students. As a result, the parent-child relationship can become strained due to nightly battles over homework that make time at home increasingly unpleasant for the whole family. So now that we understand what homework refusal is, how does it develop in the first place? 

2. What causes homework refusal?

Homework refusal is a pattern of avoidance that’s developed to cope with the stress of completing homework. Understanding the core cause of homework refusal starts with identifying what exactly about homework is so stressful for your child. We’ll explore a few common reasons for this stress so you can identify which is most relevant to your situation. It’s also important to remember that attributing homework refusal solely to inherent character flaws (like laziness or apathy) is almost always counterproductive. Homework refusal can develop around the same age that other latent challenges around learning or mental health do. In other words, what may seem like laziness at the surface may simply be the tip of a much deeper iceberg with a core problem that exists outside of your student’s control. Let’s explore some of those potential underlying causes. (Note: It’s possible that more than one of these causes is relevant to your student - many can and do coexist.) 

Learning Differences & Disorders

If homework feels overwhelming for your student, it’s possible they might be struggling with a learning or neurological difference or disorder that makes completing homework harder than it is for their unaffected peers. These are the most common:

ADHD & Homework Refusal

One of the most common ones to consider is Attentive-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), which generally makes it harder to do difficult or boring tasks because of differences in the ADHD brain’s reward circuit. As a result, those with ADHD struggle with self-management abilities like task initiation , organization, planning & prioritizing, and emotional regulation. You can learn more about ADHD specifically here. 

Dyslexia & Autism Spectrum Disorder Impact and Schoolwork Struggles 

Two other common learning differences to consider include dyslexia, which involves difficulty reading due to problems identifying speech sounds and learning how they relate to letters, and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). ASD is a developmental disorder that impairs the ability to communicate and interact with the world. If you suspect that any of these examples could be relevant to your child, then we encourage you to have them evaluated by a neuropsychologist or other qualified clinician. Identifying the core struggle is a critical step in conquering the issues surrounding homework. Most importantly, remember that a learning difference can make work feel impossible and overwhelming, so the more parents can do to reduce that stress around homework, the more likely they'll be able to actually help their student - which leads perfectly into our next cause...

Micromanaging

When students refuse to do homework, caregivers find themselves with a difficult choice - either directly intervene to make sure homework is completed or disengage and let them suffer the academic consequences that come with missing homework assignments. Both options are unappealing, yet it can be easy to rationalize direct involvement as the best course of action. After all, you want your kid to succeed, right? If you see that a child has trouble staying motivated, organized, and on top of things, shouldn’t caregivers be willing to do whatever it takes to help them overcome that?

Not necessarily! This approach has two big problems: first, it keeps our kids dependent on us instead of helping them learn to do things for themselves. Second, in the context of homework refusal, you have to remember that a student’s avoidance is often a coping mechanism to avoid the stress of homework. When parents start micromanaging homework time by nagging them to start, hovering over them while they work, checking for completion, and enforcing their attention on the task at hand, it's actually making homework more stressful for them. As a result, our noble intention can suddenly have unforeseen consequences. If you’ve found your direct involvement with your child’s work has resulted in more conflict, more stress around school work, and continued avoidance of homework, then the evidence indicates that that approach is likely making the problem worse. Luckily, there are other options parents can do to support this issue that we’ll be covering later on in this article. 

Anxiety 

Although homework can feel stressful (even for the most successful students), it needn’t be at a debilitating level. If your student has developed high emotional responses to homework that involve crying, shaking, hyperventilating, or tantrums surrounding homework, then anxiety may be the core issue at play. If anxiety is the core issue fueling homework refusal , then micromanaging will likely make it worse. Instead, it's important to seek out mental health support for the anxiety specifically and work through the underlying beliefs around homework that are reinforcing your student’s avoidance. 

Perfectionism 

Some students set unrealistically high expectations for themselves and their work, which can make it overwhelming to finish or even get started in the first place. This phenomenon is called perfectionism , and it’s often misunderstood as only applying to the highest performing students. In reality, perfectionism does not mean your work is actually perfect. In fact, that initial expectation can significantly decrease the quality of work as students may feel they can’t reach the ideal they’ve set for themselves and decide there’s no point in trying at all. Breaking down this core belief is central to overcoming the larger issue of homework refusal and can be done with the support of a coach or mental health professional. 

Untreated Executive Dysfunction

Executive Function skills enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions, get started on work, and manage multiple tasks. When an individual struggles with these types of tasks on a regular basis, they're experiencing Executive Dysfunction - a catch-all term for the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral difficulties that impact one's ability to succeed in their academic, professional, and personal lives. These include issues with time management, organization, task initiation, emotional regulation, planning & prioritizing, and impulse control. Up to 90% of those with ADHD struggle with Executive Dysfunction, which impairs goal-directed behavior such as completing homework. However, you don’t need to have a diagnosis of ADHD to struggle with these skills. Many other issues, including the ones we covered so far, can cause issues in those areas. Regardless of the cause, strengthening Executive Function skills can make homework much more manageable. 

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a type of behavior disorder defined by children being uncooperative, defiant, and hostile toward peers, parents, teachers, and other authority figures. If the issue of refusal extends beyond homework, this may be a core cause to consider. Seek out a clinician who specializes in this issue, as it’s not an easy one to navigate alone as a parent. Treatment for ODD often includes psychotherapy, parent training, and could involve medication to treat underlying conditions such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD, as well.

3. How do you overcome homework refusal?

Now that we’ve covered the most common causes of homework refusal, let’s explore some of the most practical solutions available to overcome it.

If your ADHD child refuses to do schoolwork or has trouble finding motivation, simple methods like dividing homework into smaller tasks, rewarding little achievements, scheduling breaks, and modeling behavior can make a big difference in their motivation to complete assignments. It can also prove helpful to seek outside help from professionals like therapists, coaches and counselors.

We’ll break these solutions up into three categories: parenting strategies, Executive Function strategies, and seeking outside support. Let’s start with parenting solutions first.

5 Parenting Solutions for Homework Refusal

1. reconsider what your parenting role could look like .

As we explored earlier, there are a number of reasons why caregivers ideally shouldn’t be deeply involved in their student’s daily homework routine if that student is working through homework refusal. So that leaves an important question: what might the most useful caregiver role be? 

Answering this question starts with talking to your student about what they think is a fair level of involvement with their homework. Is it simply checking in to make sure they know what needs to get done or are they okay with a more involved role that includes setting the environment up for success? The answer will depend on the student, but the important thing is to involve your student in the conversation. If you can speak to them at their level and involve them in the process of establishing your role, you’re already showing them that you’re their ally - not their enemy. Over time, you can evaluate that role in action night-to-night and see how it impacts their ability to get homework done. If something isn’t working or needs to change, return to the initial conversation to come up with a new plan to experiment with. If this doesn’t work or the refusal is still extreme, then you’ll know it’s time to look for outside support, which we’ll cover near the end of this article. 

2. Set Clear Homework Expectations (and get your child’s buy-in!)

On the opposite end of micromanaging, there’s also the potential for enabling bad habits. This is why it’s important to set clear expectations around homework but also involve your child in creating those expectations. Talk through what seems reasonable and what happens if work isn’t done - and make it clear that you simply want them to succeed. Also, understand that each kid is different regarding how they feel about and approach their school work. Some may find English to be easy but have no patience at all for algebra, some may love math but get frustrated even just thinking about writing an essay. Whatever the case may be for your child, it’s important to know your child’s strengths and challenges, and what conditions allow them to learn best. This includes considering the frequency of breaks while working, how they can transition into work time, what environment allows them to be most productive, and which assignments give them the most trouble. After a month or two, you should have a clearer indication of what’s working, what’s not, and whether your child needs additional support beyond what you can provide.  

3. Celebrate Small Wins 

Completing all their homework may look like a typical night for some students, but for a student with homework refusal, it’s a big deal to even take out their materials to get started - or to have a conversation about what needs to be done. Celebrating these types of small wins with rewards or encouragement can be a great way to motivate students by reminding them that homework time doesn’t have to be such an excruciating experience. Small wins can include trying out a new tool or strategy, sitting down to focus for a given time, or starting homework without a fight. Whatever the wins might be, be sure to acknowledge them so your student knows you see the changes they're making, no matter how small. It reminds them that progress happens often a little bit at a time and even those small increments can feel really great when you shine a light on them.

4. Model What You’d Like to See 

If your child gets upset at the idea of homework, then simply staying calm through their emotional outbursts and demonstrating a solution-oriented attitude can go a long way. When kids see that their caregivers are calm, collected, and ready to find solutions, it can lay the groundwork to help them regulate themselves and mirror that calmer approach. At the very least, this technique helps caregivers be mindful of keeping their own emotions on a even keel during a challenging interaction with their child.

5. Connect with Your Child’s Teacher

As you’re working through these changes, work on building a good relationship with your child’s teacher and involve them in the process of change. Start off at the beginning of the school year by sharing your goals and worries with them, and stay in touch as the year progresses to share what you’ve been working on at home and where they can help in the classroom. Your relationship with your child’s teachers will pay off during the good times, but even more so during the challenging ones. 

6 Executive Function Strategies for Homework Refusal

Executive Function strategies are helpful for all students regardless of whether they’re a child with ADHD that refuses to do school work or any other core reason for refusing homework. We know they’re effective because our coaches use them in video sessions with the students they work with and they’ve seen how transformative they can be for all areas of a student's life, including homework. One reason that they’re so effective is that they rely on the belief that when there’s a way there’s a will . In other words, when students know how to get their homework done (the way), they’ll be more motivated to actually do it in the first place (the will). Hopefully, these strategies will help pave that road for your student’s own transformation, too.  

5-Minute Goals

Sometimes big tasks are just too overwhelming to even start. To reduce the burden and motivate students out of inaction, have them choose the first assignment to do and spend just 5 minutes on a timer seeing what they can get done.

When we’re given permission to stop after 5 minutes of work, starting may not seem so overwhelming. We’ve seen this tactic become a springboard to more extended periods of work simply due to the fact that it eliminates the fear of getting started. You may find that the 5 minutes lead your student into becoming immersed in the work at hand and continuing to work past that stopping point. If not, then try pairing this tactic with our next strategy…

Scheduled Breaks

Every homework assignment is its own task to conquer and may deserve its own scheduled break, too. Maintaining constant focus over a few hours and many assignments is challenging, even for adults. After a while, your student may lose steam and not want to do more. This is where structured breaks come in. When your student makes substantial progress or finishes one assignment, encourage them to take a timed 5 or 10-minute break to transition to their next assignment. Scheduling this into the homework session can make the burden seem less overwhelming overall and the individual assignments easier to start, knowing that there will be breaks in between. This strategy works best when the student has a say in how long the break should be relative to the assignment and what the break should consist of. Activities like listening to a favorite song, shooting a dozen freethrows, or grabbing a healthy snack can recharge a student without deraling their progress entirely

Cognitive Pairing

Homework time doesn’t always have to be just doom and gloom. One effective way to make homework time less scary is by pairing work with something fun and rewarding. This could be a pet curled up by your child’s side, their favorite treat waiting for them before they start, or a playlist of music they can enjoy listening to while they work (instrumental tends to be best!) Whatever it might be, pairing homework time with something they enjoy can greatly reduce the urge to avoid whatever assignment needs to get done.

Body doubling

One of the most challenging parts of starting homework is simply the feeling of having to tackle it alone. The chances that your student has a friend or someone from their class they can do homework with is likely high - so why not buddy up with them to get work done? This technique is also called body doubling and can be done with a friend, sibling, or even a caregiver who also needs to get work done, too. On top of making homework time less intimidating, it also can put kids on their best behavior if they’re with a friend that they’re not comfortable melting down in front of. This can be a great way for them to learn firsthand that homework doesn’t have to feel like such an unbearable burden.

The Pomodoro Technique 

The Pomodoro Technique is a method of working in pre-determined chunks of time. It’s essentially a combination of short, productive intervals (like 5-minute goals) and short breaks. For example, your student could work for 25 minutes, take a 5-minute break, and then go back to work. Coach and podcast host, Hannah Choi, encourages her clients to pay attention to diminishing returns when using the Pomodoro Technique. In this context, diminishing returns means that the effort being put in doesn’t necessarily yield the same results as it did when first starting the activity. Finding out when your student is most productive can be an effective bit of insight to have when deciding the sequence of the work they have to do. There are a number of apps that have Pomodoro Timers that can be used to set the working and break periods ahead of time ( like this one ).

Soften the blow

Transitioning from something fun or relaxing to a dreaded non-preferred task like homework is often going to pose a challenge. "Softening the blow" is one way to ease into these types of tasks or responsibilities. Some examples of this could be eating a snack, calling a friend, or even just stepping outside for a quick walk before sitting down to start homework. These all can work well as structured transitions. Best of all? In addition to reducing homework refusal, this approach also builds cognitive flexibility and task initiation - two critical Executive Function skills. 

4. What Outside Support Can Help with Homework Refusal? 

If you’ve read through all this and at any point said to yourself “this is too much for me to do alone,” then it might be worth looking for outside support. For homework refusal, one of these three options might be the best choice, depending on your student’s core challenge area. 

Executive Function Coaching

Executive Function coaches work on strengthening the core self-management skills of time management, task initiation, organization, emotional regulation, and planning & prioritizing. Since challenges in these areas can make homework much more difficult to approach (let alone finish), working with a coach 1:1 to apply strategies in their week to strengthen these key areas can prove to be the missing ingredient for overcoming homework refusal. Best of all, coaches provide a different perspective from a parent or teacher and can be viewed as an ally in a student's journey rather than another person telling them what they need to do. You can learn about our approach to Executive Function coaching here. 

Behavioral Therapy 

If your child has more involved core issues such as anxiety, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or other  neuropsychological profiles, it’s worth researching occupational or behavioral therapists near you who specialize in those particular areas. Once those support links are in place, parents, coaches, and tutors all have a much higher likelihood of success at empowering kids to overcome their homework refusal.

Tutoring 

If every Executive Function and behavioral factor are accounted for and homework is still a battle, then a tutor in the subject area your student is struggling in may be the best support option. A good tutor can fill in gaps that are holding a student back in a particular subject and give them a new teaching perspective to make the information really stick. 

The Takeaway

Your student's homework refusal can feel like an exhausting problem with no solutions, but there are a number of approaches you can use to improve the situation at home. A good combination of understanding why your child is refusing homework, what role your parenting plays in the equation, and what strategies and supports you can lean on all provide the foundation your student needs for a lasting transformation. Above all, know that change is possible!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

About the Author

Sean potts and jackie hebert.

Sean Potts is the Marketing Specialist at Beyond BookSmart and a recent graduate of Ithaca College’s Integrated Marketing Communications program. As a former coaching client and intern at BBS, Sean has spent the better part of the last ten years witnessing firsthand the positive impact Beyond BookSmart's mission has on transforming students’ lives. Jackie Hebert is the Director of Marketing for Beyond BookSmart. Whether it's managing our websites, overseeing our social media content, authoring and editing blog articles, or hosting webinars, Jackie oversees all Marketing activities at Beyond BookSmart. Before joining Beyond BookSmart in 2010, Jackie was a Speech-Language Pathologist at Needham High School. She earned her Master's degree in Speech-Language Pathology from Boston University, and her Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts, Amherst.

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What to Do When Teens Refuse to Do Homework or Fail a Class

Some teens are naturally motivated and others are not. Some teens are able to succeed at school with ease, and others struggle. But, what is a parent to do when their teen simply refuses to do homework or is suddenly failing a class? Experts recommend parents work to discover the root cause and creatively problem solve with their teen.

Most of the time, parents feel a little shocked when they are confronted with a school problem. Maybe your teen has outright refused to do any work, or maybe you received a notice from the teacher, or maybe you got a disappointing surprise on their interim report. Whatever has brought the problem to your attention, it’s important to take a deep breath and work to understand the issue. The first step is to ask your teen what is going on. Notice the word ask. That means you don’t start the conversation with accusations, yelling, blame, or threats. Instead, enter into the conversation with a sense of curiosity to see if you can help uncover the possible reasons why he or she isn’t getting their homework done or passing the class.

Determine the Root Cause

If your teen refuses to do homework or is failing a class, don’t jump to the conclusion that he is simply acting out of defiance. More than likely, there is some underlying problem(s) contributing to the issue. For example, stress, bullying issues at school, classes that are too advanced, test-taking anxiety, too many absences, learning disabilities, and depression are all possible problems that can contribute to behavior changes. Remember that when high school students fall behind in their classes for any reason (absence, material too difficult, bad test-taking day), catching up can be quite difficult. When grades begin to plummet, many teens give up. Talk to them about their struggles. Ask them: “How is your current situation different from how you would like it to be?”

Separately, parents should talk to the teen’s teacher to obtain their thoughts and perspectives. Again, parents should enter such a conversation with an open mind and a willingness to listen to the teacher’s opinion.

Develop Solutions with Your Teen

Once parents feel like they understand the problem, they should sit down with their teenager and brainstorm a list of possible solutions to the given situation. They can ask their son or daughter what they have already tried before (whether it’s in this situation or in similar situations in the past), and what outcomes they experienced. Ask them to predict likely consequences, both positive and negative, for each possibility. Teens should be encouraged to not limit themselves, but to come up with as many options as possible, even if they seem unrealistic, because this creative process may help generate even better solutions. Once you have made a list of options together, help your teen narrow them down. For each option, consider how realistic it is, how likely the teen would be to implement it, and the potential obstacles.

Sometimes, homework or grade battles simply need a creative solution. For example, some teens are willing to stay after school to complete their homework, so long as they don’t have to do work at home. Other teens need some control over when they are going to do their work, so they may need to unwind for an hour after school and then do their work. Teens who are failing due to a learning disability or missed schoolwork, might be willing to work with a tutor. Parents should offer their own ideas, but MUST be willing to try their teen’s suggestions and ideas. The process of identifying the problem and developing the solution will empower your child, give them a sense of ownership in fixing the problem, and will ultimately give them confidence when they overcome the issue.

Additionally, parents should help their teen establish healthy study habits that will allow him/her to be successful. Some good study habits include: creating a designated homework time and space, removing distractions including electronics, being available to help your teen when they have a problem or get frustrated, teaching them time management skills, and helping them to get organized. You can learn more from our previous blog, Good Study Habits in Teens .

Establish Expectations and Rules

In general, parents should establish rules and expectations about homework based on their individual child. For example, if you have a teen who is fairly responsible with his homework most of the time, it may be appropriate to allow him/her to face the natural consequences of a bad grade or detention when he/she doesn’t do their work.

However, if you have a child who is refusing to do homework or is failing, and you’ve done the previous steps to try to find the problem and have discovered there is no underlying problem, then rules are warranted. Establish appropriate expectations, and more importantly, develop rewards for following them and consequences for not. Then you must follow through on your plan. For example, create small measurable goals. If your teen puts in a lot of effort for 30 minutes, then he gets a 10-minute break. Or consequently, confiscate his electronics each day until he completes his homework. Phones, tablets and other electronics are a privilege, and he cannot earn them if he chooses to not do his work.

Final Thoughts…

Experts say that the best thing parents can do when faced with school problem is stay calm and open-minded. Nagging and lecturing – although tempting parenting techniques – are never effective and usually harm your relationship. Bribing your teen to get work done can sometimes work in the short run, but quickly loses its appeal to your child and can actually instill a “what’s in it for me” attitude. Additionally, threatening a consequence that you will never follow-through on will only reinforce the negative behavior. Instead, follow the tips above to discover the problem and creatively solve it with your teen. Not only will it truly address the problem, it will also teach your teen how to address future challenges.

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38 comments.

I’m 15 and one problem I have with school is just the way it prevents me from living life. I have so many plans but all of them have to wait so long to accomplish. It just feels like school is holding me back and having to go through it is pointless until I get to the degrees I actually want. I want to get a degree in business and marketing and become an entrepreneur but to do so I’ll have to go through lots of school that, while it may be useful in some way, doesn’t feel useful at all right now. I could just drop out of course since you don’t need a degree to become an entrepreneur, but I want the business knowledge to help me succeed. Not to mention the fact that becoming a dropout can have bad effects on your social life and the way people think of you. I could start it while in school, but finding the time to do that with all the schooling, homework, and extracurricular activities I have would be a nightmare. It causes lots of internal conflict and drains all motivation to do school.

Im in the same boat for the 2nd year in a row. We did counseling, intervention school program for 6months straight, tutoring and he still fail math and science. Everyone says he’s lazy and has no deficiencies. This year he’s still failing science english and math. Only had an A in PE. He goes to school everyday and nothing is working. At what point do I say oh well you don’t care so I won’t either. There’s only 5 1/2 years left until he’s 18 and I feel time is running out.

I have a grandson in same situation. The best I can see is a junior carpenter course or business course.

My 17 year old son is unmotivated, is not doing his homework and as a consequence he is failing his classes, most of the time he don’t want to go to the school. he is taking 5 AP classes as his own decision but is not doing the work that those classes required and refused to drop them. I don’t know what to do, he wants to get a job and i am supporting him in apply, but i want him to finish school but he is not doing anything. I spoke with the school counselor and we are considering drop some of his classes but i don’t want my son feels more depressed if we do it. I trying to be patient and talk to him but he is not motivated about school at all. Please help

I can say “ditto” to almost everything you’ve mentioned. We have a 17 year old son. He’s also taking AP courses but has refused to do any hw since about October and is failing several classes badly. The last 1.5 years have been out of character in that he normally worked hard and wouldn’t quit on things – over time we’ve seen him slowly quit on one thing after another (and not just in academics). Now it’s piling up.

When his parents ask, a counselor asks, the pastor asks, or his teachers ask “why aren’t you doing hw?” the answer is always “i don’t know…” and then some circular reasoning about things that aren’t really relevant. He does very well on almost all the exams but it’s not enough in highschool if you don’t do any HW (or sometimes fail to turn in quizzes).

It’s quite sad, he has no happiness in anything or desire for anything except to watch youtubers talking about random inconsequential things. If we take away the computer he sits in a dark room with lights off telling us he can waste time in other ways besides watching youtube if needed. When we ask serious questions respectfully he tears up but then quickly puts on a blank face.

We’ve met with professional counselors but so far haven’t identified the root issue. He’s not clinically depressed. Like you we don’t want to demoralize him further by pulling him out of the things he’s doing in school but soon we may have a highly gifted kid who fails a year of highschool and next year will probably not be any better at this rate.

My brother is the same way! very bright kid, but refuses to do any homework. Would rather play games and watch videos. He is also becoming quite rude to his teachers, we haven’t figure out the root issue. At this point, we are just letting him fail, maybe he needs to learn the hard way..

Our son is just like yours; has always been considered exceptional, showing great potential, but now completely uncaring about anything and unmotivated to do any schoolwork. Since online learning became mandatory he will log into his classes then do other things. As a result he’s failing 3 classes and barely passing 2 others. This started the second part of his junior year and has continued this year. It’s gone from thinking about what college to try for to blowing off the SAT test, failing classes and now possibly not graduating High School. (This from a kid who took the PSAT’s in 10th grade and scored 1360 without studying). We understand that there may be some underlying issue and reason for his lack of motivation so we approach it in a caring way (most days). He’s not defiant, just completely unmotivated. I think back to the day years ago when the schools all announced they would be switching entirely to computer learning. That essentially means without internet kids cannot due schoolwork. How do you discipline or have structure with school work when kids have all these temptations and distractions right in front of them to click on? If book learning was still in place simply turning off the internet and allowing it for certain times as a reward would be ideal. Instead we have a nation of distracted, unfocused, addicted to electronics young people. We took a step back from expectations and now are focused more on his emotional and physical well being. Just getting him to graduate is the aim, then maybe encouraging him to get a job after graduating. If there was a life course for kids who need a sense of direction in a supportive, encouraging way I would like to know about it.

I get it. I am in the same position as your son right now. I am in my sophomore year of high school and I can’t really explain it but when second semester started, I was so unmotivated to do anything. Of course, I’ve never been inspired or motivated for school, but I’ve never been a bad student either. Well, at least not until I started completely ignoring my work and letting it pile up so bad that I have begun to lose all hope. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’ve completely lost all motivation and initiative to do my work. Since this quarantine, everything has gotten worse. I have all F’s except for in art class. In art, I believe I still have a B or at least a C. However, I don’t check anymore because I am scared to look at my grades as it reminds me of my constant failure. Of course, I take full responsibility for my wrongful actions. I know what I’m doing right now is not going to get me anywhere but held back in my academics, but for some reason I keep diving head first into this endless black hole of failure and despondency. It started out as procrastination. I’ve never had any enthusiasm about school work and have always been a procrastinator, even in middle school, but since going into high school…it’s gotten MUCH worse. I find myself day-dreaming and fantasizing about this “perfect” productive life and thinking a lot about the future while not taking recognition of the fact that I am so far behind, I may not have a future. Basically, I have a very active imagination and can sometimes channel this habit of mine to idealize my life and future- it’s almost like I’m living in this made up world of assurance and protection for myself where everything is going to work out the way I want it to unlike in reality. I have always been a very sensitive and easily downed child, so when I entered into high school pessimistic thoughts would flood my mind over and over again (more than usual). I don’t claim to have a problem (mentally) nor have I ever been diagnosed with anything (although I’ve never been checked for anything since I don’t normally express my stress and depression to people- not even family, not that they’d take much notice anyway). I also have no solution to this reoccurring problem of mine yet. However, the one thing I’d recommend you do is let your son get a job. As ridiculous as it sounds to let him get a job when he can’t even focus on school (which I do agree that education is more important than a job, in some cases), I think a job might make him less obstinate or noncompliant, as well as teach him some responsibility. It can also help if he is going through something right now like early senioritis/senioritis and/or slight or mild depression and stress. I don’t know exactly how to explain this, but when I think about getting a job I think about being able to provide for myself and getting myself better things and the proper stuff I need to stay motivated and consistent. If you’re son is anything like me, he will feel like this too. He may, however, already have everything he needs (or that you think he needs), but being able to work hard for and earn our own money makes us feel more like we’ve got everything together. Besides, there are some things that kids don’t want to bother their parents for, so we like to take it upon ourselves and try to figure it out for ourselves. This is all a part of growing up. A job may help with this. With a job, he would learn responsibility. Also, since he would be getting an immediate reaction out of a job (i.e. money and with that money comes self-gifting/purchasing something for himself with his hard earned money, which can prove to be quite awarding for a teenager or really anyone), he might appreciate the achievements he makes more rather than if he were getting a reward/reaction in school (i.e. a “good job” or a temporarily good feeling, which may not always be enough if we’re being honest here). I would also recommend getting him a trustworthy guide/ or guidance counselor that can be with him every step of the way to make sure he completes all of his work until he is ready to do that for himself. I know he is in high school and shouldn’t need someone like that but sometimes we need a bit of a push, so having someone to sit there and help him with homework/ monitor or guide him as he finished everything will help. He may be interested in other things as well- things that his school does not provide. So, I would personally recommend getting him more interested in better hobbies (not too much as sports since that can just add to the stress) but finding things that he is passionate in and allowing himself to do those things. However, this can be tricky because if his passion is something like YouTube, gaming, etc., he may confuse this with meaning he should submerse himself in these tricky habits and that will distract him from school/work even more. So, I’d say if he were interested in something like YouTube get him to do things relative to that activity, but also relative to school (e.g. watching videos on self-improvement/educational videos and including YouTube videos daily into his routine to help with his homework or just giving him a temporary break every now and then as a reward). I know this may seem kind of like babying him, but I’m saying to maybe just follow these simple steps as to monitor and guide him and before you know it, he’s developing these better habits on his own w/o help from anyone! Please take my advice because, being in the same situation right now as your son, I would love for my parents to show this much concern and initiative for me! Also, last but not least, let him know that in order to get where he want to be in life (goals or paths they want to follow in order to be truly happy) they have to get it over with and finish high school first. That way when the time comes and they graduate, they can take whatever necessary steps they need in order to get to where they need/want to be and hopefully by then they will have a better mindset for their future! He could also be going through something or experiencing a lot of stress, so please continue to be there for him and talk to him! As well as just let him know that you’re there whenever he needs you and be more approachable by (with all due respect) nagging less and exhibiting/practicing more communication and reasoning/understanding with your child!

p.s. invest in an agenda/journal that they can keep up with! they can write lingering deep and personal thoughts and/or use it as a planner to stay ahead of the game and follow along with school/work better.

Olivia – THANK YOU!!!! You have no idea how much your post helped me! My son is 13 and just started with the missing assignments this year. At first, I reacted with anger, but then I could see in his eyes that he was hurting, so I changed my tone and started help him instead. According to your post, I am heading in the right direction with him. Today, we sat down together and went through his work to see what he has coming up and he wrote it all in his new planner. He was way more responsive to that than the yelling.

Again, Thank you so much for taking the time to help parents…that is quite noble. Oh, and BTW, your writing is awesome – good grammar and well written. I have never seen such writing from a teenager before. Way to go!

Hi Olivia thanks for helping us. But my child, she would come home and goes into her room and be on her phone and then lie and says she is doing her homework and that its completed and submited. Then I will get an email from her teachers. Everyday. She is a sophomore and I have try to be good and nice to her but I can’t do it no more.

Olivia I love your post and just like Lisa said your a great writer and I think you would be great as a writer someday. Keep up the good work with your writing because I see you going places just go with it. Find something you love to do that will help motivate you to succeed in all your classes. Take care my dear!

I have an 11yr old son in his 1st yr of middle school. He’s failing 3 classes and C’s and D’s in the other classes. He’s been in therapy he is in intervention at school and has a whole team working to get him back on track and he’s getting worst. He lies about everything. He doesn’t do his classwork, his h.w., fails test, loses all his school supplies and refuses to go to after school tutoring. Everything has been taken away from him and he doesn’t care. He just started acting up in class and he blamed it on the other kids and the teacher. I don’t know what to do. Professionals tell me there’s no learning disability or ADD or ADHD. I’m doing everything what is left to do!?!?

You are doing a great job! You have gotten him professional help in therapy and are working with the school. Those are the most important things, and I commend you in taking those important steps. This type of situation is not fixed quickly. The therapy will take time, but don’t stop. In addition, every child is different, so there is no one right or wrong way to help them. I encourage you to read a couple of other articles that might offer you some ideas:

For dealing with an unmotivated teen: https://middleearthnj.wordpress.com/2013/07/15/when-your-teen-lacks-direction/ For dealing with a teen who lies: https://middleearthnj.wordpress.com/2010/07/22/teens-and-lying/

There is a root cause to your son’s behavior, and it will take time to discover it. For example, some teens feel they are protecting themselves from failure by not caring or committing to anything. Other teens are so overwhelmed by stress, they withdraw. Others become so focused on their peers, their only motivation is to enhance their “image.” Your son’s therapist will be vital in discovering the root cause. And if that therapist doesn’t seem to be able to determine the root cause, then don’t hesitate to try another one. Your son and the therapist have to “click” for any progress to be made.

Parenting is such a difficult job, but I encourage you to take one day at a time and look for the positive qualities in your son that you can genuinely praise – that will make both of you feel better. Best of luck!

Jaz, Please tell me you have found something that has helped. I could have written this word-for-word myself right down to the age, grade and excuses. I am feeling soo helpless and frustrated at this point.

I have a 14 and a 13 year old they refused to do work for the longest time I’m a step-mom its been difficult we took away everything (even non electronics) all they had was school work and chores. So now they are home schooled and they have finally started doing chores and a little more homework (yes they do fight but a lot less. Our 8 year old does everything she needs to do. The oldest still refuses to do math and the 13 year old has been rude because he doesn’t want to do anything still but he does it. Just put your foot down.

I have a 17 year old son is getting almost all F in high school. I don’t see him do homework and he doesn’t seem to care. he mention something about joining the marines but nowdoesn’t seem interested. He spent a lot time with friend that are good influence . I cannot force him to do anything . At first I took everything away and still nothing change. He does chores once in awhile. I am alone working two jobs. with six children to raise.

I have a 15 year old daughter, she has been failing school since 6th grade. By the end of the year the teachers enter a grade just high enough to pass her. I have tried everything that I can think of. Read every thing I can get my hands on and tried it all. Nothing works. She has lost all electronics, been grounded and she is in therapy. I am so stressed out over her that I tend to get a bit mean sometimes ( not a good thing and it makes me feel bad ) I am tired at this point and giving up. SHE JUST DOES NOT CARE!!

This is definitely a difficult issue for many parents! You are not alone! When situations get really tough, and the parents have tried all the traditional approaches, it’s often time to get outside help. A family therapist or a local Family Crisis Intervention Unit can work with both the parents and the teen to find a resolution. There is no easy solution, but with patience and professional guidance, it is possible to get to a better place!

I am not alone 🙁

My son is 15 years old. We have enrolled him in the on-campus ROTC program as well as contacted the counselors and all teachers. He is even going to tutoring three times a week after school. He still seems to have no interest in studying or doing his homework. I have addressed all the issues that I think you may have. I have questioned him grounded him and have taken away All Electronics indefinitely. What do you do if this problem has been an ongoing problem since the beginning of school? He has even threatened to quit school. My problem is that I’m the only one that seems to care about his grades. His blatant disregard for his grades is causing me stress and not him. I feel for all parents going through this situation because we can care all day long but until he cares nothing will change

I’m so sorry that you are going through this! Nothing is more difficult than wanting the best for your child, but watching them throw it away. I know you feel helpless, stressed and frustrated. You are not alone – many parents go through this difficulty! Unfortunately, there is no easy solution or perfect answer – every situation and every person is different. However, we highly recommend that you read our previous blog, https://middleearthnj.wordpress.com/2012/02/25/motivating-a-teen-to-change-destructive-behaviors/ because it addresses many of these issues you are talking about. We also always encourage families in these situations to seek out family counseling. Sometimes an outside observer can offer ideas that we never think of ourselves! We wish you the very best of luck!

I am going through the same exact thing. My son is almost 13. The feeling of hopelessness is setting in so fast for me. Like your situation, he doesn’t seem to care whatsoever about failing. I almost wish there was a root cause i can identify with other than “I hate school work”, like a bullying problem, or depression, etc.

We have done all of the above. no results. Its so heart-breaking. The last and only thing he LOVES to do and looks forward to is hockey and we finally took that away last night.

He isn’t a disrespectful kid, he doesn’t act out, he loves to hang out with the family and enjoys having conversations on politics, history and current events. Just hates school work.

Since you posted this, have you tried something different that has given you results? Any suggestion would be so welcomed.

my daugther is the same. Instead of hockey is ballet. I am at my wits end. She is a bright xhild who had all As in the first quarter, then started lowering her grades anf I realized it was because she was not doing her homework. She got 3 Ds in the 3rd quarter on the 3 subjects that she does not like: math and office productivity and the one that she needs to put a little effort. As in the rest because ahe like it. I have taken electronics and let her therapist know. We do have screaming matches and eventually she calms down and understands that she os not doing her work but in 1 or 2 weeks she is at it again. She is a good child, kind and very smart. I have asked during lenghty sensivle conversations why she is not doing her homework and her response is always ‘I don’t know’. She also lies about having finished her homework to get to do something fun and I don’t find out until later. I really don’t kbow what else to do but I don’t want next year to be like this one so I have already told her there will be no extracurricular classes next year if her 4th quarter is like her 3rd but we are 3 weeks into it and she is still not doing her homework.

Your son sounds like my son. He is not disrespectful and a joy to be around. All he cares about his soccer. He is a freshman in high school with low grades (failing algebra..I got him a tutor). He doesn’t care about failing. His attitude is “I’ll take it next year.” What did you do with your son? Please help me help my son.

My step son 13 and a freshman in high school. He just will not do him homework at all… He doesnt miss school but he is failing all classes. Terrible test scores and is down right disrespectful to his teachers peers and to his little brothers too. Tried everything… He doesnt seem to want to anything to help. Any advise?

Our son was adopted, lost his adoptive parents and we are the fourth set of parents he has known. he is partially sighted, has ADHD, and severe Reactive Attachment Disorder. Follow the above… It does work… We moved all his electronic devices into different rooms: some rooms give him privacy, some rooms makE sure he has time with us so we keep up with who we are dealing with and we are building a good study pattern for his main exams and we are all getting to know each other much better. The important thing was to take the additive habit of electronic gadgets away. He now does more activities with us and opening up more. We worked together on a ladder chart that you climb as he accomplishes main milestones. If he is unsuccessful we have built in backup options or ways to get there. It has all the things he needs to do to get what he wants and the consequences if he misses a step or two he has backup steps. we got the school involved too and the college we hope he goes to for his choice in his career.

OMG I am living all of these nightmare with my 15 and 12 year old. Just got an email today that my 12 year old had 30 minutes to do an assignment and turned it in blank. WTH

I have the same problem with one of my son’s he just doesn’t care. The last 2 years of middle school he flunked a couple of classes during one semester then turned around a little bit and passed the next semester by a narrow margin. Went to summer school for the flunked classes and since the summer school is all online he completed both classes in a week and a half. This year he is a freshman in high school and he is failing all his classes, except 2 English and ROTC. His dad and I are at our wits end.

I think we should pray for them and encourage ,lets talk to them what they would like to become ,give them time to think and show love to them.

I have the same exact situation as Cat and Pete. My daughter is 14 years old. She has ALWAYS has a problem with homework. And its not just getting it done, its turning it in too. She just doesn’t seem to care. I know its not because she is having issues with the work itself because some of her missing work is for a Health class. This is easy stuff! She loves to read and is very good at it. She scores at a college level. She has to complete a reading log for her English class and she failed it last month because she didn’t complete any of it. And this is something that she IS actually completing. In my eyes, its pure laziness. I have taken away everything you can imagine. Phone, video games, TV privileges and nothing seems to “get to her”. The other day she sat at the kitchen table and literally refused to do any homework. She just sat there and scribbled on a notepad. I don’t know what to do. Im at a loss. Im exhausted from getting emails from all her teachers saying how bad she is doing. I tired of talking with her about it and getting yelled at for it. Any suggestions would be MUCH appreciated.

Maybe homeschooling her. Or an online school.

I feel the same. Sometimes I just feel like I’m the bad parent. My son is the same. I have so many talks to him and explain to the best of my ability how important it is and I am here to help him. But all he does is continue with what his doing or roll his eyes. Feeling frustrated.

Look like you are just describing my 11 year old daughter, and she is not just refusing to do her homework, but she also refuses to clean her room or help with anything in the house!! she is also very good reader and i´m always pointing on that as a very positive thing!, the teachers wont stop email me at least once at week by 5 teachers its to much to handle for me!! I´m about to be on strikes as a mom.. it´s being more than a year when you write here, did you find the solution?? did your daughter got any better?

Hey Fabs! No unfortunately I have still not found a solution. She is now 15 and a Freshman in high school. She has been failing both Math and Science since the beginning of the school year. She NEVER brings homework home to work on. She never even brings a backpack to school! I am seriously at a loss with her. I just keep telling her now that she is in High School and her grades are more important than ever. If she fails a class, she has to make it up either in the summer or next school year but that doesn’t really seem to faze her. She simply just doesn’t care. She just keeps telling me that its her life and I shouldn’t care. She never does anything around the house and when we do ask her to do something simple, she gets so angry right away. I hate to say it, but she’s just selfish. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself and is only nice to us when she wants something. People just keep telling me this is typical teenage behavior but that doesn’t make it any less frustrating to deal with.

The comment made by Cat could have been written by me. Our son is exactly this and the same age. The article is good. However, we are not looking at a ‘change’ in behaviour, my son has NEVER done any homework. He just flatly refuses. He gets more and more referrals and then detentions. He just doesn’t seem to care! People say, ‘start with communication’ but he just won’t talk about it. All he says is, ‘I don’t care.’ We have tried homework club where he attends for one hour each week. This worked for a while but then he forgets and then is behind and gets another detention. He ended last year with 180 negative referral points. We were shocked when his 3yrs elder sister received just one. Little did we know what was coming! We have met with his teachers on my occasions. They have been very supportive, but still no result. They don’t have a school councillor as such. We have absolutely no idea how to connect with this child. Any help, from anyone, would be very, very most welcome.

We have a 14 year old 8th grader and nothing seems to work. He starts off each year with a “this year will be different” and then it goes downhill from there with him barely passing. We have tried reward. Didn’t work. This year we have slowly removed electronics until now he’s facing a summer with no electronics of any sort. It doesn’t seem to be working. His teachers complain that he’s not turning in work and spending most of his days staring at the walls. He just says he hates the teachers and the school work but loves seeing his friends at school. At this point in the year he has a B, a C, a D and 3 F’s. Once again, if his grades don’t change he will pass with about a quarter of a grade clearance. My husband contends that just getting harder on him will work. I’m not so sure. I think he’s at the age where he knows what to do, he’s just refusing to do it. He is a good kid otherwise. He’s been offered rewards for doing work but that isn’t working. He enters High School next year and we are not sure what to do. If we spend a lot of money to hire a tutor, which we don’t have the money to do, then there is no way to be sure he’ll even do the work with a tutor and it could be money down the drain. Do we just let him fail while keeping any privileges here at a minimum? At some point he will figure out that the person he is harming is himself, right? I read your article. We have no school counselor to consult. His teachers give homework but short of walking into each classroom with him each day I have no way of making sure he brings it home. I also can’t sit with him in class to make sure he pays any attention or does his work. It’s like he doesn’t believe us when we, or anyone else, tell him that this is harming his future life. Please help if you can.

Hi Cat, This could have been written by me! Has the situation improved one year on? I am at wits end. Like you I’ve tried everything. Please help.

I think this is often a good time to seek advice of a school guidance counselor. fortunately, if you don’t have that option, there are a number of excellent reading resources from well qualified professionals. By far the best I have found is Parents in Highschooland by Karyn Rashoff. http://highschooland.com/ The advice and ideas offered in this book really opened my eyes to a lot of ways that I could get involved to encourage and support my kids though high school. A must-read for parents of high school teens in my eyes.

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My Teenager Refuses To Do Homework. Help!

By  Cherry Jane Quinio   | Updated On  April 21, 2023

• Medically reviewed by  Maureen Lezama

Table of Contents

Key Takeaways

• Establishing routines and providing a conducive environment for homework completion is crucial in fostering a positive attitude towards learning and academic success for teenagers.
• Encourage your teen to take responsibility for their homework, set goals, and develop time management skills to navigate long-term assignments successfully.
• Collaborate with your teen’s teacher to maintain open communication, share information, and develop a plan to address homework refusal effectively.
• Be patient and persistent in supporting your teenager’s academic journey, as your involvement and guidance are essential for their overall success and well-being.

Is your teenager refuses to do homework? Don’t worry; you’re not alone !

We know how frustrating it is to make your kids do their homework every night.

Let’s be honest: most kids find homework hard, and some may even lie and say they don’t have any. But when you see their report card, you realize they weren’t telling the truth.

Having a kid who refuses to do homework is a challenging situation many parents face, resulting in negative consequences. This can create stress at home and might even affect their future.

Addressing this issue ASAP is crucial for parents, as it can impact their child’s future opportunities and self-esteem.

When teenagers don’t want to do homework, their parents must figure out why and devise ways to get them to do it. By doing this, they can help their child get good grades and learn skills that will help them as adults.

If you don’t deal with a child who won’t do their homework, it could have negative consequences that may hurt their school performance and make your relationship with them harder.

We’ll discuss strategies and techniques to help parents deal with this common problem.

By keeping calm and paying attention, parents can help their teens understand how important it is to do their homework, which will help them do well in school.

Reasons why teens refuse to do homework

Lack of motivation: Teens may struggle to finish their homework if they don’t see why it’s necessary or don’t see its value. This may be because they don’t care about the subject, are too busy, or don’t understand the information.

Poor time management: Their schedules are often full of school, extracurricular activities, and social events. If you don’t know how to handle time correctly, it may lead to procrastination, putting off doing your homework, or not giving it enough time.

Learning difficulties: Some children may struggle with learning disabilities or have trouble understanding specific topics. This may cause students to avoid doing homework because it may seem impossible.

Power struggle: Teensmay refuse to do their chores to show they are independent and in charge. This behavior can come from a need to prove independence and test limits.

Peer Pressure: Another reason your teen refuses to do at-home school tasks is their social group.If a teen’s friends don’t care about schoolwork, they might feel they must do the same and skip their homework to fit in with their friends.

Stress and burnout: Too many school and extracurricular tasks can cause stress and burnout in teens. This mental weariness can make it hard to pay attention to homework.

Low self-esteem: If a teen thinks they are not good enough or struggles with low self-esteem, they may not do their chores because they are afraid of failing or being disappointed.

Understanding these reasons is essential for parents who want to help their kids deal with these problems and finish their homework.

Signs to look out for

Recognizing the signs of homework resistance can help parents step in and help them before it gets worse. Here are some signs that a kid might not want to do his or her homework:

Avoidance. If your teen consistently finds excuses to avoid starting their homework or changes the subject when it’s brought up, they may try to avoid doing their assignment.

Procrastination: Children who put off doing their homework until the last minute and fail to do it quickly or don’t do it at all may have trouble doing their at-home school tasks.

Declining grades: A sudden or gradual drop in your teen or daughter’s grades could indicate they are not completing their homework or struggling to grasp the material.

Increased stress: If your teen seems more stressed or overwhelmed than usual, it could be a sign of trouble with schoolwork.

Lack of organization: If your teen’s workspace is messy or they are missing at-home school tasks, this could mean that they aren’t putting their schoolwork first.

Frequent complaints: If your teen complains a lot about school or classes, they might be trying to show how frustrated they are or how much they don’t want to do their school work.

Changes in behavior: Sudden mood swings, withdrawing from family and friends, or becoming more irritable could be signs that your kid is having trouble with school.

By being aware of these signs, parents can better identify whether their teen refuses to do homework and take the appropriate steps to solve the issue.

Tips to Encourage Good Homework Habits:

Good homework habits can help your child do well in school and learn essential life skills. Here are some tips to help kids do assignments well:

Start the Evening Homework Habit When Your Kids Are Young: Laying the Foundation for Academic Success

Establishing a homework routine early on in your child’s life is essential for fostering a positive attitude toward learning and academic success.

By setting up a designated homework due time frame, you create a habit that will continue into their teenage years, minimizing the likelihood of homework avoidance.

Here’s how to start the evening homework habit with your young children and ensure its effectiveness.

• Create a consistent schedule : Consistency is critical when implementing a homework routine. Set aside a specific time each day for your child to complete their homework. This consistency helps them develop a sense of discipline and responsibility, which can be beneficial in preventing them from refusing to do their assignments in the future.
• Establish a designated workspace : Provide a comfortable, quiet, and distraction-free space for your child to complete their homework. This environment should be well-lit and equipped with all the necessary materials to help them focus on their work. 

            According to Maureen Lezama , a mom of 3 with a Psychology degree, “My son did a complete 180 with his attitude on doing homework when I bought him a study table. Having his own workspace was the trick to helping him focus and become more productive with his schoolwork.”

• Develop a daily routine : Incorporate homework habits into your child’s daily schedule, making it a non-negotiable part of their day. This routine should be consistent, so your child knows what to expect and can more easily transition into homework mode.
• Be present and supportive : Be available to answer questions and guide during designated schoolwork time. Your encouragement and involvement can help create a positive association with homework, encouraging your child to value their education.
• Celebrate progress and achievements : Recognize your child’s efforts and accomplishments, no matter how small. This positive reinforcement can help foster a love for learning and create a sense of pride in their work.
• Stay flexible : As your child grows and their needs change, be open to adjusting the homework routine. Regularly assess whether the schedule and environment suit your child, and adjust as needed.

Empower Your Teenager: Encouraging Responsibility and Autonomy

When your teen refuses to do homework, it’s crucial to empower them and help them take responsibility for their academic success. Involving your teen in creating a plan for completing homework gives them a sense of ownership and control over their work, which can be a powerful motivator. By following these simple steps, you can discover more ways to motivate a teenager who doesn’t care .

• Set clear expectations : Discuss the importance of homework with your teenager and establish clear expectations for when and how it should be done. By setting these expectations, your kid understands the value of their efforts and the consequences of not meeting them.
• Involve them in decision-making : Engage your teen in creating a homework plan that suits their needs and preferences. Allow them to choose when and where they complete their homework and in what order they tackle at-home school tasks. This encourages them to take control of their work and promotes a sense of autonomy.
• Encourage goal-setting : Help your teen set short-term and long-term academic goals. By setting targets, they can track their progress and celebrate their achievements, boosting their self-esteem and reinforcing the importance of homework.
• Offer support and guidance : While your kid needs to be responsible for their homework, assisting is essential. Be available to answer questions or offer guidance, but avoid taking over the assignment. Learn more about child behavior problems and solutions to strike the right balance between assistance and autonomy.
• Celebrate their successes : Recognize your teenager’s efforts and celebrate their big and small accomplishments. Positive reinforcement can help build their self-esteem and encourage them to take their homework responsibilities seriously.

Give Breaks During Homework Time: Boosting Productivity and Focus

Homework can be daunting for teenagers, and long, uninterrupted work periods can lead to burnout and decreased productivity. Incorporating breaks into homework time can improve concentration and overall effectiveness.

Here’s how to structure break time during homework sessions and the benefits of keeping breaks short and productive.

• Implement the Pomodoro Technique : One popular method for maximizing productivity during homework time is the Pomodoro Technique. It involves working for 25 minutes, followed by a 5-minute pause, and repeating this cycle four times before taking a more extended downtime. This method can help teenagers maintain focus and prevent burnout. Learn more about motivating teenagers in this blog post.
• Keep breaks short and structured : While taking breaks is essential, keeping them short and structured is vital to avoid losing momentum. Encourage your kid to set a timer during rest time and to engage in activities that help them recharge without becoming too absorbed or distracted.
• Encourage physical activity : A brief burst of physical activity, like stretching, walking, or jumping jacks, can help re-energize your teen and increase their ability to focus on homework. Regular physical activity can also improve overall cognitive function and mental health.
• Use breaks for self-care : Encourage your kid to use rest periods to engage in self-care activities, such as deep breathing exercises, meditation, or grabbing a healthy snack. These activities can help them relax, regain focus, and return to their homework feeling refreshed.
• Avoid digital distractions : To make the most of recess time, minimizing distractions, such as social media or video games, is essential. Instead, suggest activities to help your teen unwind without losing focus on their academic tasks.

Provide a Distraction-Free Space to Work: Setting the Stage for Homework Success

Creating a quiet, distraction-free workspace is crucial for helping your teenager focus on their homework and achieve academic success. A well-designed environment can improve concentration, minimize distractions, and foster a positive attitude toward learning.

Here are some suggestions for setting up an ideal workspace for homework completion:

• Choose a dedicated space : Select a specific area in your home where your child can consistently work on their homework. This designated space should be separate from high-traffic areas and free from noise and other distractions.
• Ensure proper lighting : Adequate lighting reduces eye strain and maintains focus. Ensure your teenager’s workspace combines natural and task lighting, such as a desk lamp.
• Keep it clutter-free : A clean, organized workspace can help teenagers concentrate on their homework. Encourage them to keep their study area tidy and store supplies in an organized manner.
• Limit technology distractions : While technology is often necessary for completing assignments, it can also be a source of distraction. Establish guidelines for using devices during homework time, such as setting devices to “Do Not Disturb” mode or using website blockers to minimize interruptions.

Establish that Homework is Your Teen’s Responsibility: Fostering Accountability and Independence

As a parent, it’s essential to establish that homework is your teenager’s responsibility, not yours. Doing so promotes accountability, encourages independence, and empowers your teen to take ownership of their academic success.

Here are some tips for creating boundaries and expectations around homework completion:

• Set clear expectations : Speak to your child about what you expect them to do for at-home school tasks, including how important it is to meet goals and keep good grades. Be clear about what they need to do and make sure they know what will happen if they don’t do it.
• Encourage self-monitoring : Teach your teen to track their school work and progress. This practice helps them develop time management and organizational skills to benefit them in school and beyond.
• Avoid micromanaging : While providing help and guidance is crucial, try not to micromanage your teenager’s homework. Give them space to learn from their mistakes and develop problem-solving abilities.
• Hold them accountable : Enforcing consequences is essential if your teen fails to complete their assignments or meet expectations. Consistency in implementing consequences will help your child understand the importance of taking responsibility for their work.

Help Your Child Manage Long-Term Assignments: Strategies for Success

Long-term assignments can be challenging for teenagers, but they can successfully navigate these projects with the right approach. As a parent, you can provide help and guidance to help them manage these assignments effectively.

Here are some strategies to ensure success:

• Break down the assignment : Teach your kid to divide long-term assignments into smaller, manageable tasks. This approach can make the project feel less overwhelming and more achievable. Encourage them to set deadlines for each task to maintain progress.
• Create a timeline : Help your kid develop a realistic timeline for completing the assignment. This exercise promotes time management skills and ensures they allocate enough time for each task.
• Encourage organization : Encourage your teen to keep track of their assignments and deadlines using a planner or digital tool. Staying organized helps them stay on top of their responsibilities and reduces the likelihood of procrastination.
• Monitor progress : Check in with your child regularly to monitor their progress and provide guidance as needed. This can help them stay on track and address any challenges.
• Celebrate milestones : Acknowledge and celebrate when your teen completes significant tasks or milestones within the assignment. Positive reinforcement can boost their motivation and self-esteem.

Work on Your Tasks at the Same Time as Your Teen: Create a Productive Environment

Working alongside your teenager during their homework time can benefit both of you. This shared experience can create a collaborative atmosphere while fostering good work habits.

Here are some tips for making the most of this time:

• Lead by example : Demonstrating your own commitment to work or personal tasks during this time can inspire your kid to focus on their assignments. Your dedication to productivity can serve as a powerful motivator.
• Create a conducive workspace : Set up a comfortable, quiet, and organized workspace where you and your teen can work together. This shared space can help minimize distractions and promote focus.
• Share goals and progress : Encourage open communication about the tasks you both aim to complete. Sharing your goals and progress can foster a sense of teamwork and mutual assistance.
• Offer guidance : While working on your tasks, be available to provide guidance and assistance if your teen needs help. This can help them overcome challenges and maintain momentum.

Stay Calm When Helping Your Child With Their Schoolwork

Stay calm and patient when helping your child with homework. Focus on guiding and helping, not on control. Encourage questions and problem-solving. Give them credit for trying, and remember that mistakes are a chance to learn.

Keeping your cool creates a good learning setting for your child and boosts his or her confidence.

Don’t Fight with Your Child Over Homework

Set clear standards and keep the lines of communication open to avoid arguments over schoolwork. Give them a regular schedule and a workplace where they won’t be distracted. Instead of fighting, you should focus on giving advice and help. Stress how important school is and let them know what they’ve done well.

Creating a good environment can help your child have a healthy view of learning.

Use Effective Consequences

Set up fair consequences for teenagers who don’t do homework to make them more responsible. Make it clear what will happen if people don’t do their assignments, and stick to those rules. Choose consequences that fit the situation and have some value.

By making your child take responsibility for their actions, you help them feel like they own their school’s success and handle it.

Talk About Possible Learning Problems

If your child has trouble learning, speak to a professional immediately. Watch how hard they try to discuss their teacher with their worries. Ask for an evaluation to determine if more help or changes are needed.

Finding and fixing learning problems early can help your child get through tough times and do well in school.

Strategies to work with your teen’s teachers

Working with your teen’s instructors is the best way to deal with school assignment refusal and give them the help they need to do well in school.

Here are some suggestions for how parents can work well with their teen’s teachers:

Maintain open communication. Speak to your teen’s teacher often about concerns, progress, and challenges. This helps both parties stay informed and encourages a team approach to addressing schoolwork struggles.

Attend parent-teacher conferences: Take advantage of parent-teacher conferences to talk with your teen’s teachers about how well they are doing in school, their skills, and what they could do better. This allows us to learn about their growth and develop plans together.

Share Information. Inform the professor about any issues or circumstances at home that may affect your teen’s ability to complete assignments, such as a learning disability or family crisis.

Seek advice: Ask the instructor for recommendations on supporting your teen with school work, including study techniques, time management strategies, and resources.

Develop a plan: Work with the instructor to create a plan addressing your teen’s homework difficulties. This may include setting achievable goals, adjusting assignments, or implementing additional assistance measures.

Constant supervision: Regularly review your teen’s progress with the instructor to ensure the strategies are practical and make adjustments as needed.

Show appreciation: Express gratitude for the teacher’s support of your teen. A positive relationship between parents and teachers can significantly impact a teenager’s academic success.

Parents can create a supportive network that helps address homework resistance and promotes a positive attitude toward learning by actively collaborating with their teen’s instructor.

Final Thoughts On Teens Refuses To Do Homework

When teenagers ignore their schoolwork, it’s pretty common for parents to feel worried. If we can figure out why this is happening and spot the warning signs, we can deal with the problem better.

We can get our kids to do their assignments and stay focused so they do well in school by giving them routines and designated homework time, creating a supportive environment, and with constant supervision.

We have to work closely with our kid’s teachers if we want to help them all the time and find the proper methods. When we communicate, share information, and make plans, dealing with kids who don’t want to do their schoolwork is much easier.

Remember that you are not alone.

Many parents go through similar situations, and with kindness and persistence, you can help your kids succeed in school and, later on, in life.

You got this, Mom!

REFERENCES:

Forbes: The Promodoro Technique Explained; https://www.forbes.com/sites/bryancollinseurope/2020/03/03/the-pomodoro-technique/?sh=3fe4b1c43985

Grow by WebMD: Your Kid’s Brain On Exercise; https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/kid-brain-exercise

raising children.et.au: Schools, teachers and parents: building strong relationships; https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/school-education-work/working-with-schools-teachers/relationship-with-school

Center for Parent and Teen Communication: 6 Tips for Working with your Teen’s Teacher; https://parentandteen.com/6-tips-for-working-together-with-your-teens-teacher/

Children’s Health: Breathing Exercises for Kids; https://www.childrens.com/health-wellness/breathing-exercises-for-kids

Motherhood Society employs only credible sources, such as peer-reviewed research, to validate the information in our articles. Discover our editorial methodology to understand how we ensure the accuracy, dependability, and integrity of our content.

By   Cherry Jane Quinio

Cherry Jane is an expert on parenting and motherhood. Her articles give tips and advice on navigating the joys and challenges of being a mother and raising children. When she is not on the keyboard, you can find her sipping coffee in her favorite local coffee shop.

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For families of Children's Minnesota

Refuses to do homework, related behaviors, what to do:.

Self-Talk. Say to yourself, "I wish my child wanted to do his homework. But I can be calm when he fights doing it. It's his job to do it and mine to encourage his learning how."

Empathy. Tell yourself, "I need to know what my child is thinking and feeling to help him be motivated to do his homework. When I put myself in his shoes, I'll be able to help him better. Sometimes I don't want to do work around the house or on my job, and I always have to figure out why before I can be motivated to do it."

Teach. Tell yourself, "I can help my child learn the SOCS method of problem-solving to help him understand the (S)situation, the (O)options he has for solving the problem, the (C)consequences of choosing each of those options and the (S)best solution. This is a good problem-solving strategy for children to use when they can understand the meaning of these words-situation, options, consequences and solution-- that will be useful throughout their lives.

Make a Daily Routine. Routines are valuable tools that help us all stay organized, so we can get done all the things we need to do. Routines also help to motivate us to get our work done in a focused way. A homework routine, for example, could be: Right after dinner is now a quiet time. All homework will be done during that time. If a child believably claims not to have homework, he can read during quiet time because it is a time when all family members are reading or working on a project.

Make Rules. A simple rule could be: TV and all electronic devices will be off during homework. To enforce the rule, make sure all portable devices are off and are put in a place away from the homework site. A chore rule could be: All chores will be done and inspected before devices can be used or the child can have playtime.

Use SOCS to Support Your Child's Problem-Solving. When your child won't do his homework, talk with him about what he's feeling. Is he upset about something going on in the class? Does he not understand the assignment? Is he worried that his teacher and you expect him to never make a mistake? When you know what the situation is-what your child is thinking and feeling-you can help him understand the options he has for solving the problem, the consequences of choosing each of those options and the best solution. This SOCS method: Situation, Options, Consequences and Solution is a caring, supportive way to build a problem-solving partnership with your child that helps him learn how to be resilient and that he can cope with a problem by thinking it through logically to come up with a solution that works for him.

Check Homework Assignments. As a "family manager", your task is to know what your child's job is, and in this case it's homework. When you know the assignments, you will know whether they have been completed. In addition, you can judge the quality of the homework that has been done. If your child says he has no homework, it's possible to check the school website. Most schools now post homework for each class in each grade. You are not responsible for doing the homework or even knowing what the homework is. But it is important for your child to know that you care and want to know-just as you would share a work project of your own.

Involve Your Child in the Plan. If your child is doing poorly because of incomplete homework assignments, poorly done work, failure to turn in the assignments on time, or any of the other issues that you know are resulting in grades that are below your child's ability, ask him what he plans to do about the problems. If he says, "I'll try harder," don't accept that as an answer. Instead ask, "What's your plan?" and help him pull together a detailed plan to correct the problem: Do all homework immediately after school. Parent checks it. Put it in notebook which goes in the backpack. Turn it in immediately in class. I'll correct my mistakes as soon as I get them." Now, that's a plan. Again, make this your child's plan, not yours. He is responsible for the plan and the work. Here is an example. Ask your child for his ideas!

Check Chore Completion. Most assigned chores have visible proof of completion. Empty wastebaskets are evidence that the trash chore has been done. A made bed shows that making a bed each morning was done. Fun activities are allowed when all chores are done satisfactorily.

Make a Chore Calendar. In order to ensure that children know their chore assignments, a calendar with chores listed could be posted. Monday: Empty Dishwasher, Tuesday: Empty wastebaskets, Wednesday: Vacuum the family room floor, etc. Each child will then check off the chore on that date when completed.

Use Grandma's Rule. You may have noted that in each case we've cited, the child can have his privileges only after work is done, which is the essence of Grandma's Rule. The when-then contract simply states, "when you have done what you are required to do, then you may do what you want to do." You manage your child's access to all of his privileges, such as electronic devices or play activities.

What not to do:

Don't Nag, Beg, Threaten. These won't teach your child how to get work done when it needs to be done.

Don't Punish for Incomplete Homework or Chores. Grounding and other punishments when things aren't done won't teach your child how to get things done. Punishment encourages lying to avoid the punisher-not what you want to teach.

Don't Take on His Responsibility. If you take the responsibility of getting your child's work done, he will never learn to do it himself. Sitting with him to help him finish his homework won't teach him how to take that responsibility. Doing incomplete chores because it's easier than getting him to do them won't help him learn to be responsible.

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The authors and Raised with Love and Limits Foundation disclaim responsibility for any harmful consequences, loss, injury or damage associated with the use and application of information or advice contained in these prescriptions and on this website. These protocols are clinical guidelines that must be used in conjunction with critical thinking and critical judgment.

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Help for parents with strong-willed, out-of-control teens and preteens.

Defiant Teens and Homework Refusal: 30 Strategies for Concerned Parents

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Smart Classroom Management

How To Handle Students Who Don’t Do Any Work

You can encourage them. You can empathize with them. You can coax and cajole them.

You can gently ask if there is anything bothering them or keeping them from trying.

You can lighten their load, bribe them with incentives, or offer choices, accommodations, and a buddy to sit with.

You can work with them one on one and whisper assurances or gently convey the threat of consequences.

And you may get them going for a time.

You may prod them through an extra sentence or paragraph or persuade them to give half an effort.

But in doing so, you make a deal with the devil and do them more harm than good.

You see, by spending extra time with reluctant students, by coddling, appeasing, and buying into any of an unlimited number of justifications for their inaction, you create even more resistance.

You enable their behavior and make them weaker and less motivated .

You hide from them the realities of life and at the same time crush the development of a true work ethic—which is the only way to empower future success, no matter their circumstances.

So they sit there, subjected to the same doomed and disheartening strategies year after year.

Many have teams of professionals meeting about them, designing intervention plans for them, and assigning labels to them they don’t understand.

Meanwhile, these same students who are assumed to be too attentive-averse or ill-equipped to succeed rush home at the end of another wasted day and play the same video game for three hours without a break.

It’s all a bunch of hooey.

Yet, this failed approach, that merely acts as cover for students as well as those whose job it is to educate them, is promoted and recommended time and again by educational leaders and school districts across the country.

It’s baffling. But nothing changes. The same strategies will be trotted out again this year.

So what’s the solution? Well, providing the students are able to do the work—which, except in the rare circumstance of total misplacement, should be every student in your class—the best thing you can do for them is expect hard work.

Note: Within education, the word expect has been tremendously watered-down. For our purposes, it’s true meaning is to foresee, presuppose, and believe in strongly.

What follows are three steps to get reluctant students to start producing real work and making real improvement.

1. Teach great lessons.

This is your number one job and the very essence of being a teacher. Somehow, it’s been lost in a sea of less important or completely unimportant responsibilities.

You must produce clear, compelling lessons that students want to pay attention to.

Your classroom management skills must be strong enough to have the opportunity to capture their attention, and then you must be able to do so through your passion, your humor, your creativity, and most important your content knowledge.

You must be able to draw them in, absorb them in the moment, and maintain their state of flow— where time slows, mind-energy focuses, and concerns and worries of the past and future fade away.

You must set your students up for success by checking thoroughly for understanding. In this way, before you send them off to work independently they know exactly what to do and how to do it.

Being exceptional in whole-class instruction covers a multitude of potential learning and motivational problems, most notably those that cause students to struggle getting down to work.

Note: For more on how to teach compelling lessons, see The Happy Teacher Habits .

2. Let them be.

Once you’ve done your job, once you’ve provided your students everything they need to succeed, you now must shift responsibility to actually do the work over to them.

They need to know, and be reminded of each day, that it’s all up to them—every last bit of it—that you’re not going to turn around and reteach what you just taught minutes before.

This sends the message more than anything else you can do or say that they really can do it and that you believe in them and expect them to succeed.

Therefore, if after giving your signal to get started they just sit there, then let them sit.

Let them face the hard choice right now, in this moment, rather than when they’re 19 years old and it’s too late, to try and succeed or to do nothing and fail.

When you kneel down next to them to help, excuse, or placate, you let them off the hook. You allow them to avoid and delay this critical choice—to the point where they no longer believe in themselves or their abilities.

Forcing their hand is the change-agent they desperately need to upend their downward trajectory. When the decision to either succeed or fail comes so directly and honestly every day, the pressure to make the right one builds and grows stronger and harder to avoid.

It weighs heavily on their shoulders, especially combined with the intrinsic carrot of pride in success dangling just in front of them. Until, overwhelmed, the dam breaks.

You look over one day and find them immersed in their work. And when you do, you must seize it.

3. Praise the work, not the student.

Instead of rushing over with a huge smile and telling the student how wonderful they are because they completed a few sentences—which very effectively lowers the bar of expectation—point out their good work.

Focus on the content of their production, wherein lies the key to an untapped yet very powerful sense of pride. Just be sure that it’s true, quick, and subtle .

Avoid making a big deal. It’s embarrassing for the student—and not a little condescending—and just tells them they’re less capable than their classmates. Instead, point to something in particular in their work and tell them the truth.

“That’s a good sentence.”

“Smart word choice.”

“I like the direction you’re going.”

Tell them like it is, the straight dope, and then be on your way. Don’t wait for them to respond. Don’t stand there and enjoy their reaction or make them feel obligated to show their appreciation.

Let them enjoy the feeling of receiving pure acknowledgement of their authentic work, untainted by you and unconnected from who they are or were, what they’ve done in the past, or how much or little confidence they may or may not have.

Simply acknowledge their good work and allow the natural pride in a job well done, which they’ve rarely had a chance to experience, propel them to greater accomplishments.

The three steps above add up to the expectation that as a class they will succeed. They will improve. They will achieve and become better students than they ever thought possible.

And that’s just the way it’s gonna be.

But what if one or more continue to sit and do nothing? Then let them be. Let the pressure to want to work and try continue to build.

In the meantime, they’re a living and breathing reminder for you to be better. To learn the skills available right here at SCM to be an expert in classroom management and present better, stronger lessons.

Make success through your high-level instruction a foregone conclusion. Then dare your students to try. Challenge them. Believe in them.

And they will succeed, and be forever changed.

If you haven’t done so already, please join us. It’s free! Click here and begin receiving classroom management articles like this one in your email box every week.

What to read next:

• How To Handle A Student Who Does Zero Work
• Why Allowing Students To Turn In Work Anytime Is A Bad Idea
• Should You Allow Your Students To Talk During…
• 5 Reasons Why Your Students Don't Like You
• How To Connect With Students Who Don't Want To Connect

56 thoughts on “How To Handle Students Who Don’t Do Any Work”

Great ideas! But I have done ALL of the good and the bad you talk about. I had 2-3 students last year who fit this to a Tee. The only way they would work and participate is on computer games. I did create Nearpods and assign computer work, they would play the ‘games’ but that was all. It was also very time consuming and not something I could make and do every night for every assignment. I did just let them sit and earn their F’s on their report cards, conferenced with parents. Nothing worked. Then they passed the state assessment with flying colors, I dont get it 🤷🏻‍♀️

It means they were learning, or already knew the material, but refused to give you the satisfaction of them obeying you. They were proving that you were not their boss and laughing at your futile attempts. They were being mean to you, resisting your authority, and the school’s and the world’s authority. Passing the state assessment perhaps as a twist ending to show they were playing you the whole time. We need smart people who do not obey authority but do the right thing anyway, but they can be little jerks while growing up.

Thank you for this article. This is a big area for me to improve on and as always you explain the way in a clear and practical manner.

You frequently mention checking for understanding as an important tool. Sometimes it’s easy to do this. For example if you are teaching how to add fractions, have the students do practice problems on whiteboards. How would you quickly check for understanding in a lesson on writing a strong conclusion to an essay or a lesson on understanding the theme of a short story, when it’s not as straightforward? Thank you for any advice!

Good question. I wish I had the time to answer it now, but I’ll be sure to cover it in a future article.

It is a big question, so I appreciate it being added to the list. Keep up the great work!

Excellent advise! I feel so guilty when I let them be and then I feel guilty for threatening and bribing. Thank you for sharing this. I am going to stick to this method for my scholars’ sake.

You’re welcome, Janine.

I do love your approach overall but was appalled to read ‘except in the rare circumstance of total misplacement, should be every student in your class’ because the majority of my classes every year in California at several different grade levels are always unable to do the work due to lack or basic skills. For the first time you seem very out of touch!

Hi Jennifer,

The article is about not doing any work (i.e., because of low motivation, confidence, apathy, poor listening, etc.). Being at grade level isn’t a prerequisite, but does point to the critical need for improved teaching. When you get a chance, please read the article again. The idea and common acceptance that more than the rarest, misplaced student can’t do any work on their own, or even quality work, is a major reason why schools are failing and so many students fall through the cracks.

Hi Michael,

Can I safely assume then that you aren’t referring to students with special needs in this article?

I couldn’t agree more with what you say with regards to regular students, and even, commensurate with their ability, with regards to certain students with special needs.

This is covered in the article.

In a future article, can you give an example of a really great lesson great?

Our middle school places students who had failed 7th grade math into 8th grade math along with students who did pass. Suggestions? Do most districts do this?

in my experience, yes. Social Promotion…..

I need this reminder! I overdo the help to find some success, but it is always up to them.

Thank you, this is very timely for me. I am curious though, does this mean to leave the student when assessment is being completed as well? I have one student who did this perfectly and will not complete assessment. My other question is due to an expectation in my school that consequences are issued for not working (usually detention to get the work done). What is your opinion on this? I seem to have a big pile of work that still isn’t being done and losing lunch breaks.

Do you grade the work that they don’t do? Are parents told about it?

I am responsible for students’ scores ultimately. It all gets printed out on a spreadsheet and I am evaluated on it

If scores are low, what then? Administrators don’t care to know about student responsibility; the idea is if if grades are poor, it is the teacher’s fault.

Also, if students do no work, do I assign study hall as a consequence- or just let them have full privileges no matter what?

Remember that different level students need scaffolding (such as ESL students) If your lesson includes scaffolding to support them (starting at whatever level is needed to reach the student(s), then your scaffolding can be removed bit by bit in subsequent lessons until they are able to accomplish the task on their own, without support. (ergo, the word “scaffolding”) There are so many things we teachers are expected to do well. It is overwhelming. It is a long process to become skilled in every single thing we are expected to do perfectly. Don’t give up. If you’re teaching because you LOVE students and are willing to do whatever it takes to reach all students, then you are in the right profession!

I’ve been following this plan for two years now and have seen tremendous improvement in behavior in my class. This year I have very young K students who have just turned 5 and so are basically acting like 4 year olds who have never apparently experienced school or consequences. Any additional suggestions for K kids who don’t listen? I’ve been giving the one warning then the timeout, and the letter home but after two weeks they are still not following our simple class plan.

The most difficult aspect to master of Michael’s classroom-management plan is the leverage he talks about as being key to an effective plan, i.e, creating a classroom that students want to be a part of (through good rapport and engaging lessons) and that they therefore care about not participating in. Is there something there you might tweak?

For timeouts, is there a fun game or activity that you could promise to do with students who remain out of timeout after a lesson segment or period so that, as Michael says, those in timeout will feel the weight of missing out?

But you say you’ve been implementing Michael’s plan for two years, so perhaps you’re well aware of these points. In that case, could your students benefit from stories about how a school and classroom work and what the expectations are for students, what teachers are and how to interact with them, etc.? Short videos can be effective as illustrations of these social skills (YouTube, etc.). You might also have fun with this by having your students help a puppet learn how to behave in school.

I would love to hear your response to some of the other posts, not just the one that was critical. There are some excellent questions there. I’m especially interested in your response to Nic’s question about checking for understanding. I completely agree with you that we need to build the lesson so the students can be successful when they work independently.

I noticed you are highly skilled at pointing out several common classroom management issues teachers struggle with. In fact, it’s scary how dead-on accurate you are. But I must ask if you currently struggle with these issues, or are they issues you observe in other teachers’ classes? Is it really possible to make it through an entire year with zero classroom management issues if a teacher follows all of your advice? I notice a lot of teachers posting that they do follow your advice, but are still struggling. Can you shed some light on this situation when you get a moment? I ask that you please do not omit this comment, because I am asking for a lot of teachers out there who are probably wondering the same thing and want answers. Thanks!!

I wonder this as well Pete. I have come to the conclusion (in my 3rd year of 5th grade/and of being a classroom teacher) 1. These are different times for a lot of kids. Regardless of demographic. Social media/fortnite/little parental support are key factors for a lot of the issues. 2. If a school is not consistent across the board (k-5 etc) with teachers and classroom management I could see that being a factor in our success. 3. Growing class sizes contribute a lot to the issues of student success as well as behaviors.

Though it is doable I haven’t cracked the code yet either. I am also still learning how to be an effective educator while keeping kids on track and not having chaos in the classroom. I just take all of the advice and input I have received and try my best each day. See what works and don’t give up. It’s never going to be ideal 100% of the time. Kids are humans and we have to accept that.

I am also wondering if consequences fit into a student not completing work.

I work with exceptional education students who have learning disabilities, severe ADHD, Autism, Language Impaired, or Developmentally Delayed. They are in the regular education classroom in an inclusion setting for the majority of the day. Many of the kids are hard workers, but a few get very frustrated by not being able to keep up. What are some suggestions of strategies that have worked for you? I work with students K – 3rd. Thank you!

Would you also give consequences for students who don’t produce any work?

Hi Sam and Tim,

As mentioned in the article, not in a traditional sense. But there are certainly consequences that I’ll point out more specifically in a future article.

I think this is your best article. I’m a special education teacher for students with emotional and behavioral disorders and I see this almost daily. It resonates when you mention how they can play a video game for three straight hours but not be attentive to a lesson for 3 minutes. I always let a child sit and do nothing and use my “point system” as a natural consequence. It is when they become disruptive by talking to others while also not doing any work when it gets frustrating. I remove the student in these cases. To play devils advocate on one of your points, though: not every lesson will be amazing nor needs to be. Isn’t that also a fact of life? Isn’t work ethic expected when the work itself isn’t always pleasant? Your relationship with the student should be compelling, but honestly not all my lessons will be, and I’m still extremely confident in my teaching practice.

You’re right, in that the lessons themselves don’t have to be amazing. This isn’t the same, however, as the act of teaching and preparing students for independent work, which does need to be top notch.

Philosophically, I agree with you – except that when I’ve done this, often other kids stop participating as well. They see that kids sit there with no consequence – natural or otherwise – and wonder why they have to work so hard.

This article made me remember last year when I received an email asking me to sign my child up for a “Mood App,” where ultimately it let the educators know when students were in mood/mind set to engage in learning. They would use this app in the morning and afternoon (time is precious, a lesson could have been taught during this time frame.)

It saddened me, as like you stated, it is setting students up for failure by giving them this choice. In the work place ( or life in general), we are not greeted with a mood app, nor given the opportunity to dwell on our emotional state. It is expected that we do our best and work hard, no matter the situation or what the day has brought. I did not feel that this was a beneficial approach.

I asked that my daughter did not participate and that she read a book instead.

Michael, I love your work and have purchased several of your books. Please do respond to the many good questions that have been brought up. I am willing to let the child “fail” if she/he absolutely refuses to produce any work or show any effort, but problems arise with parents and admin who want to see teachers exhaust themselves trying to get these few students to do work, otherwise they say you’re not a good teacher. Please comment. Juliet

A mood app? What school system is using this? I hope we never get this.

Following. Great questions asked, and I want to see the answers.

This is an excellent article with even broader applications (i.e. parenting lol). I also appreciate that you letting us all “sit” in the tension it has created. Y’all, we’ve got this! Just like the kids. To those of you asking questions, listen to yourselves and re-read the article.

I too would like to hear whether consequences for not working are appropriate. Bottom line is the work needs to be done!

Some children who are very capable need to be told firmly to get busy. Reasonable consequences work well, too.

A retired teacher.

In my sixth grade self-contained class, like many other teacher’s classes, I have 32+ students whose reading and math levels range from 2nd to twelfth grade. I appreciated this article very much, because it reinforces what I have been aiming to do for several years with great success. It has worked so well that my principal and some parents of low-performing students have been astounded that work is suddenly being completed. I have not had to defend myself for letting kids sit with this responsibility. I teach the lesson, provide intervention in small groups if skills are truly missing, and I allow some tools to be used regularly as perv504 Plans and IEPs: homemade dictionaries, word banks, multiplication charts, and copies of notes/PowerPoints. Clear directions, grading checklists and rubrics help so that kids know what they neeed to do. While circulating around the room I do not linger at any one kid for long. If they ask for help or they are just sitting doing nothing. I praise the work they’ve done so far, I prompt them to tell me what they need to do next, and then I leave. If they don’t know what comes next I direct them where to look on a hand-out or chart and ask them to read it or tell it to me. Then I give a thumbs up and walk away. (If they have not started I say something like, “I see you’ve got your book open to page ——. That’s a good place to start.” And I leave. Last year I had 19 special education students. No, they were not all at grade level by the end of the year, but most had shown at least 2 years of growth.

Impressive. Sounds like you’re doing an amazing job!

I teach at a charter school. My classroom has three grade levels, K, 1, & 2. It is also full inclusion where we provide services mostly within the classroom. This means accommodations must be provided within the classroom as well as some students receiving that one on one assistance. I have a particular student re-doing kindergarten with an IEP who is very immature. He frequently refuses to participate even when lessons are going very well and all the other kids are enjoying their learning time. He just doesn’t buy in. I’ve been doing the time outs and sent a couple letters. Parents seem to want to help from home but I am at a loss. I did have a breakthrough using this method with another student who really struggled last year to even start to work on their own. I often keep my students for the whole 3 years. Any advice on my immature little one? He crawls under tables, throws tantrums, etc. HELP! Thanks!

What about when they have a 504 that says shortened assignments but they do nothing? Recommendations?

Hi Michael, On point as always! As your regular reader of your blog and a purchaser of all of your books, I I have a great deal of respect for SCM am hoping to get your opinion; It seems that restorative justice is gaining momentum in education. I was going to look at learning more about restorative justice but I thought I’d ask your thoughts on the topic ? (It’ll probably be something you’ll write about later).

Thanks Greg! Good to hear from you. Yes, it is something I’ll have to cover in the future. In the meantime, there are some things I like about it while others are incompatible with SCM.

“Praise the work, not the student”. IMHO the secret to great teaching in a nutshell.

Hi Michael, Thank you again for this article! I read it a few times and feel that I understand your points, however, isn’t there a conflict between leaving the student alone for an indeterminate amount of time (however long they don’t complete the work) and upholding my promise to follow my CMP to a tee? I think that if a student is not doing their work, then they’re clearly breaking rule #1: Listen and Follow Directions. I’d love to hear anyone’s thoughts on this and of course Michael’s too. Thanks again!

Your classroom management plan is for misbehavior/disruption only. I’ll cover this topic again in the future.

Thank you, Michael!

What would one do with a student that I feel might have a disability, but has not been tested for one. I have a student that will just sit for the whole class and doesn’t do anything. He’s not a distraction and I am genuinely concerned. I also can’t get a bold of the parents.

Great article again! I always try to remember when I’m teaching to try to teach great lessons, like it says in this article and and in “Happy Teacher Habits” and “Dream Class.” A lot of times the boredom in my class is simply because MY lesson is not that great on that day. It puts the power back on me to teach great lessons.

The way it works in my classroom (3rd and 4th grade) is: whatever independent work they don’t finish in school goes home for homework. My question is, does this eliminate the “pressure to want to work and try” since they know they will be taking it home, and there they can possibly get Mom to help them do the assignment? Would it be better to take it away at the end of the period and give the grade for what was actually done? The difficulty with that method is that sometimes the child is working diligently but just needs a little more time than the amount allotted in class. Then again, I definitely have seen, and have this year, students who sit and do nothing. I don’t want to treat them differently than the rest of the class, but I also don’t want to be giving them a loophole to get out of that pressure which would lead them to improve and succeed. What is the best solution? Thank you for all your help and excellent articles. They really make a difference!

Hi Sister Mary,

This is a topic I hope to cover soon. However, the key is exactly what you said. If the child is working diligently, then it’s perfectly okay to let them finish at home.

As a 3rd grade teacher I inherited a student who in 2nd grade had been allowed to remain unengaged without working and then have an aide assist them with ALL of their work every afternoon!!! That came to an abrupt halt when she arrived in my classroom. She was a very capable A-B student who just wanted to lounge at her desk and play with her pencil and daydream once left to herself. She would participate in the lessons and even at the board, but chose not to work independently. Would you believe this girl chose to do this even throughtout the course of the year after she missed much of her recess, had notes home and took work home at times, had discussions with the principal, and had consequences at home? I kept trying to figure out the “positive reinforcement” she must somehow be receiving from it. Finally I tried after-school detention and that’s when she would work so she could go home. She was made to complete ALL work but the struggle was real.

What if 80% of your class does not do any work?

As usual, these articles seem like they are reading my mind and are tailored directly to me – thank you!

My biggest uncertainty is how to teach compelling maths lessons, given that there is such a wide spread of levels among the class. Maths is just so interconnected that I find it frivolous to try and teach a higher level of the curriculum if a basic concept isn’t yet mastered. This makes it hard to teach a lesson that is compelling for all students. For instance, I might be needing to teach my students how to factorise algebraic equations, but some can’t even work with times table facts, let alone understand algebraic terms. Others might listen politely to such a lesson but really need to be challenged more. This is all possible with differentiating of course, but it’s hard to actually teach in a compelling way in these circumstances.

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• December 7, 2022

3 Ways To Help When Your Child Refuses To Do Schoolwork

What can you do when your child refuses to do schoolwork? For a variety of reasons, kids sometimes (or often!) are unmotivated to do what needs to be done. You know the importance of schoolwork, so it can feel frustrating when your child digs their heels in and flat-out refuses to do it.

You can bring more joy to your child’s educational experience. No matter what your schooling situation is (homeschool, private, public), here are some practical ideas to empathize , encourage , and empower ( problem-solve). Before we dive deeper, it’s important to first check what’s going on in your own heart.

Check what’s going on inside you first

Effectively helping your kids starts with learning to navigate your own anxiety , so you can lead your children calmly. Ask yourself, “Why does this bother me so much? What is underneath my frustration?”

• Are you simply overloaded with responsibilities, and you just want your child to do this without all the fuss? 
• Are you frustrated that your co-parent isn’t as involved as you’d like them to be? 
• Are you anxious about your child’s future ? 
• If you struggled, are you determined to prevent the kind of discouragement you experienced? 
• Or if you were a high achiever, are you determined that your child has the same success? 

With that insight, what are some beliefs based in the rock-solid foundation of God’s truth? 

For example, you might be thinking, “If my child fails this class, I have failed her, and she may fail in life,” Instead, try to embrace this freeing truth: “If my child fails a class, it’s a class. That’s it. It doesn’t define either of us or limit God’s purposes for my child.  “

Remind yourself and your children that there is plenty of grace for this struggle, God is with you in it, and it doesn’t have to be perfect.

Try to embrace this freeing truth: “If my child fails a class, it’s a class. That’s it. It doesn’t define either of us or limit God’s purposes for my child.  “

Empathize when your child refuses to do schoolwork

It is important to empathize with your kids before you try to solve the problem. Step into their shoes as you ask yourself:

• What’s it like to be them?
• What are they feeling? 
• Are there basic needs (nutrition, sleep, outside stress) that could be causing them to struggle? 

Your child might be experiencing overstimulation, boredom, low blood sugar, fatigue, or lack of exercise and/or sleep. Whatever the stressors your kids are experiencing, it’s helpful to express, “ I get what it’s like to be you! ” 

Some kids’ brains are like a microscope – easily dialed in on a specific focus, while others are more like a kaleidoscope of bright, distracting thoughts that are constantly changing. And remember, compared to you as an adult , your child doesn’t have the same maturity and development. Research confirms , “The development and maturation of the prefrontal cortex occurs primarily during adolescence and is fully accomplished at the age of 25 years.”  

The ADHD child refusing to do schoolwork

This is especially true of the child with ADHD : “there is a global delay in ADHD in brain regions important for the control of action and attention.” One blogger describes the jumbled thoughts of ADHD as being like a busy, unregulated intersection . Tough to concentrate on homework when there’s a “traffic jam” in your brain!  

Ever seen that glazed-over look in your child with ADHD? That’s the traffic jam. The child with ADHD refusing to do schoolwork especially needs your empathy! It’s not fun or easy to do things when you feel you’re not good at them. That’s something everyone can empathize with.

Whatever your child’s learning style or brain development, do your best to step out of your adult brain into theirs to sincerely express compassion for them.

Encourage your child 

Empathy helps kids open their hearts to your sincere encouragement. If discouragement is at the core of your child’s refusal to do homework, they might not feel capable of completing their assignments.

Let them know, “I see and enjoy good things in you!” The word “encourage” literally means “to fill with courage.” So fill your kids with courage about who they are as you dwell on what is good instead of focusing on what isn’t good. Fist bumps, humor, and thoughtful affirmation can provide needed encouragement. 

Remind your child of previous successes at persevering and working hard : 

• “Let’s write down the things you’ve already finished today and cross them off with a big, black marker!! That’s such a good feeling.” 😉  
• “Remember yesterday, when you got upset, went for a little bike ride, and then came back and worked hard? You felt really good about your work.” 
• “You worked so hard at soccer this summer, even when your team lost. You’re growing in perseverance, and that can help you now.” Or even, “When you’re playing your video game, you are so determined to get to the next level! Even if it’s not as fun, you can also learn to apply that determination to homework.” 

Create a “just-right-challenge”

Maybe your child is good with the first three problems on the math sheet but loses steam or gets distracted by #4, or maybe your child just cannot get started with a large project. Some evidence-based strategies might include “chunking” a project down into steps or setting up an agreement with their teacher for them to complete shorter assignments.

This parent-teacher team  used a novel approach to help a child with ADHD build  resilience  for complex challenges and even failure, and grow a sense of  competence  and accomplishment.  If your child’s teacher doesn’t want to go as far as this teacher did, that’s okay. You can try your own at-home variation with the same goal: that your child discovers the joys of doing something hard, even making mistakes, and finishing it.

Build a biblical identity

If your child is an out-of-the-box, creative, distractible kiddo, remind them that although school is an easier match for brains that like predictable sequences, their qualities will serve them well in the future in a creative-oriented work environment. Especially if they learn to work hard in the meantime. God created their brain in the womb in a unique way for His good purposes!

Empower: problem-solving together increases motivation

Once you have empathized with and encouraged your kids, they will feel safer and calmer with you. Then you can then work to solve the problem.

It’s important to watch for what your child naturally gravitates toward: What picks them up? What helps them? When it goes better, how does that happen? Teach them to advocate for themselves by asking for what they need to be successful.

Checklists can help with problem-solving

One mom, Julia, wrote Lynne about some helpful solutions she discovered with her 9-year-old daughter during a struggle over schoolwork:

“We had a couple of great victories recently. Last Wednesday, Ashley started falling apart because she was struggling with schoolwork. I made a little written list for her of what she might need in the moment to calm down:

• Am I hungry?
• Am I tired?
• Do I need to switch subjects?
• Do I need something to drink?
• Do I need some ice water?
• Do I need a break?
• Do I need help?

My natural impulse was to get frustrated and anxious, but instead, I stayed calm and helped her in a compassionate way.”

In this list, Julia sent a new and powerful message to Ashley: “I care about why this is hard for you. With a little help, you can figure out what you need in order to be successful.” The tide had turned. 

“Ashley filled out the list by putting four checks by “I am tired.” So I suggested some ice water (which I hoped would energize her!) in a fun cup with the crazy straw and then tickled her back while she drank it. She returned to work, turned her attitude around, and did great!

A couple of days later, she started falling apart again while doing homework, but she didn’t want to put the work aside and do something different. I took out the list again and reminded her of how great we both did on Wednesday.”

Can you feel the difference? Julia’s approach became encouraging instead of discouraging. Ashley was still accountable for doing her work but in an environment of support instead of criticism .

The impact of laughter and fun

Julia’s note wasn’t finished.

“I snuggled with her, tried to make her laugh, and reminded her that she is ‘my sunshine girl. ’ I also added some silly humor from a movie that we watched recently.

When we had a little playful momentum going, I said, ‘Let’s add to the list ‘ :

• Do I need to tell my mom how awesome she is?
• Do I need to do something nice for my smart, beautiful, awesome mom?

Then Ashley wrote:

• Do I need my mom to sing opera and dance like crazy?

We turned it around again with a little dancing and singing, and she got through her schoolwork, with both of us really having fun and enjoying each other.”

This mom’s realization of what was happening beneath the surface of Julia’s behavior helped her to empathize with and encourage her daughter. This paved the way to empower her daughter to ask for what she needed to be successful. Notice how Julia also incorporated laughter and fun! In tension, laughing together releases serotonin and communicates, “Everything’s okay; we’re safe with each other.”

A key question: What helps schoolwork to go better?

Marilee, a homeschooling mom of five, was struggling with her 7-year-old son Timmy, who was very distractible and resistant to schoolwork. Every day he would run outside instead of doing his work. Thus began his regular morning power struggle with mom. 

In a coaching session , Marilee realized that the commotion of four siblings around him probably felt overwhelming to Timmy. When asked the question, “When does it go better?” Marilee realized that on days he was alone outside all morning, he was both regulated and motivated to get his schoolwork done quickly in the early afternoon so he could join play with his siblings. His “defiance” about morning schoolwork was actually his attempt to get what his brain and body needed to focus well. 

Timmy and Marilee problem-solved together and adjusted his schedule to put his schoolwork at the optimum time. Timmy also told his mom, “I really like rewards!” and chose rock tumbling . Marilee reported since these changes, Timmy is doing much better and has now lined up the rocks he’s earned.

Practical ways to set your child up for schoolwork success

Whether you are with your child all day doing schoolwork or only a couple of hours in the evenings, there are many creative and practical ways to empathize, encourage, and empower your child. Here is a list of creative ideas from other parents: 

• Start schoolwork with purposeful movement or something fun: a joke book, fun poems, singing silly songs together, big movement activity ( 60 Creative Ways to Get Kids Moving ), or a short story time.
• Plan a different activity each day to look forward to after work is done: a big coloring poster, puzzle, board games, obstacle courses, a half-hour classic TV show (i.e., Brady Bunch, Gilligan’s Island, I Love Lucy), or a video chat with a grandparent. 
• Occasionally hide healthy snacks or stickers in their work for kids to discover. 
• If things start to get tense, line up and give back rubs for 3 minutes, and then switch directions
• Use a timer , so kids know how long until a fun break comes. ( 60 Creative Ways to Get Kids Moving ).
• Put stickers on completed work and correct it together.
• Kids can do their work in creative places! (Hammock, play tent , deck/patio, or even a treehouse!) 
• Kids bugging each other? If possible, provide them with some private space in different corners or rooms. Be creative if you are in a tight area: try a big box or fort with pillows; under a table; behind the couch, your bedroom floor. 
• Do math or spelling on the sidewalk or driveway in chalk. The bigger arm movements give more sensory input to speed up the visual motor learning process. Younger kids can make letters from masking tape and then drive toy cars or walk on them. 
• Give kids more ownership. One mom invited her complaining kids, “Do you need to stop for the day?” Since they were reasonably motivated kids, that freedom was all they needed to decide they wanted to complete the assignment. 
• Ask kids to make up their own “character report cards” and grade themselves daily for things like creativity, perseverance, focus, or cooperation. Ask questions about any successes to help them understand how they did it. 
• Remember the importance of routine. Try to find ways of putting whatever ideas are most helpful into a predictable flow each day, so that empathy and encouragement are what your kids come to expect.

As you incorporate these ideas, expect lots of ups and downs and give yourself plenty of grace . God’s grace is much deeper than your homework struggles when things are tough, you’re exhausted, and your best efforts seem not to be helping your child. And when you blow it, model do-overs and remind each other that the Spirit of Jesus invites you and your children into His comfort and rest! 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

Please reach out if you are feeling stuck! Let us know how we can empathize, encourage, and empower YOU as you parent. You might want to consider coaching , and, as always, we are praying for you.  Contact us with your prayer requests. 

Download our FREE in-depth list 60 Creative Ways to Get Kids Moving and Laughing .

Related posts.

Jim and Lynne Jackson

The child does not want to study or to do their homework: what should parents do?

The school year is now starting again and with that, the Internet is blowing up with parents’ search engine inputs: “my child doesn’t want to study”, “how to make my child do their homework?”, “what to do if the child is bored with their studies?”. Every parent is willing to see a studious child in their son or daughter, the one who is running to school with joy and carefully doing their homework. However, what needs to be done if the child is now lacking the willingness to study? Is it worth forcing them or are there any alternative options? You will find the answers to these questions in this article.

Stop having an overly caring approach for your child and give their developing personality an opportunity for freedom. At the same time, do not worry about your child, always know where they are, which path they take to get somewhere and what is happening around them with the “Findmykids” app that can be downloaded from AppStore and GooglePlay .

Finding out the underlying reason

The correct approach of the parents.

• The tips of a psychologist 

8 effective ways to motivate for good study

Does the homework need to be done together with parents.

Prostock-studio/Shutterstock.com

In order to find out why did the urge to acquire new knowledge at school disappears suddenly, the reason for such behavior needs to be found out. This may mean the following:

1. Lack of motivation

The child does not understand the importance and the need of the learning process. In the classroom, they are bored, they do not listen to the teacher, and they prefer to go about their business or chat with classmates.

Prostock-studio/Shutterstock.com Prostock-studio/Shutterstock.com[/caption] Prostock-studio/Shutterstock.com[/caption] Why don’t kids want to do homework? The answer is very simple. They are not interested in it.Unfortunately, the school allows only for little practical experience for life and success, together with having plenty of gadgets and “distractions”. Therefore, children at school often do not understand why . Why do they need it? How is it useful in life? It is important to talk with children and to provide answers to these questions. To show and explain things to them through the example of famous “young” people. To try to apply the knowledge gained at school, in life, together. Praise the child’s actions. For example, you can gather your child’s friends and arrange the quest “Why do we need mathematics?” The team that finds more practical examples, gets a pizza.

2. Issues in the relationship between the teacher and the student

⠀ Even one careless word from a teacher can offend a child and affect their attitude towards learning, not to mention obvious conflicts. This is especially true for anxious and vulnerable children.

3. Conflicts with classmates, teasing, bullying

⠀ It is important for parents to pay attention to all sudden changes in the behavior of their son or daughter and to be able to help their child in time if they become the victim of bullying .

4. The unfavorable situation within the family

When parents constantly quarrel, it is difficult for the child to concentrate on educational activities. Well, how can you solve a problem in physics when dad shouts that he will leave the family, and mom replies by saying that she wasted her life on a worthless person?

5. Excessive parental control

There are parents (these are mainly mothers) who are interested in controlling everything that happens within the family, including the school life of the child. This omnipresent control stretches out even to backpacks and birthday presents for classmates. What motivation can we be demanding from a child, if in those situations, mom always knows better, and mom decides on everything?

6. Low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence

It is difficult for such children to prove themselves at school. Raising a hand to answer a teacher’s question, calling a classmate and asking them about homework proves itself to be very problematic for them. If at the same time parents also have excessive expectations for the child and criticize them for the smallest mistakes, the son or daughter starts being anti-social and acts according to the principle of “choosing something with the smallest negative impact”. The child starts skipping lessons, stops doing homework and starts getting bad grades. Why bother if their efforts will still not be appreciated?

7. Excessive workload of the child after school

Swimming classes on Monday and Thursday, dance on Wednesday and Tuesday, art school on other days. Sounds familiar? Many parents strive to oversaturate the schedule of their child. As a result, the psyche turns on defense mechanisms, protecting their brain from the excessive effort. The child begins to be lazy and to postpone their homework until late at night.

8. Physiological reasons

Hyperactivity , weak self-control, somatic diseases – here is an incomplete list of what can also affect a child’s lack of desire to sit at a desk and to do their homework.

A combination of reasons

The next example is exactly about that.

As it can be seen, a child may have several reasons not to be willing to study. Most often, it is not one single reason, but rather a whole set, with which parents need to get familiar.

Dear mums and dads! If you would be actually forcing the child to study, it would be unlikely that something good will turn out from this. Anything that is done when being forced or under pain of punishment will not be beneficial. So let’s not force children to learn, but rather encourage them to do so. The competent stance of the parent will help them with this.

Prostock-studio/Shutterstock.com Prostock-studio/Shutterstock.com[/caption] Prostock-studio/Shutterstock.com[/caption] It is surely possible to force the child to study. However, this will need to be done throughout the entire 9 to 11 years.When we force children, we assume our responsibility for them. On the other hand, we also really want the children to be independent and to do their homework. Therefore, should this be possible, we need to establish the rules for learning right from primary school. There is no need to do homework with a first grader – the parent’s function is to help them not to get distracted from this activity. If the student is older, the issue needs to be solved through motivation and encouragement.

Realistic perception of the situation

What do most parents do if their child doesn’t want to learn? That’s right, they turn to drastic measures, such as physical punishment. It is very likely that your parents did this, and that you also often do this.

Let’s leave the screaming, the abuse and the punishment out of the picture. They won’t do help in any way. “Horror stories” about becoming a janitor without the willingness to do study, will not be of any help either.

Parents need to understand that a child’s reluctance to learn always stems from a specific reason.

Learn how to react correctly to the child misbehaving in the article about the 10 ways to punish your child without screaming, hitting and humiliation .

In order for the child to start dealing with their problems in autonomy, it is important for them to hear the following from their parents:

• “I believe in you”;
• “Everything will work out”;
• “We will sort out this problem together”;
• “There are no unresolvable problems”.

Parents can do the following:

• explain what has not been understood on their own;
• hire a tutor;
• talk to the teacher;
• alter the position of the parent;
• go to the neurologist together;
• find a solution to problems at school collectively with your son or daughter.

Find out whether your child is being bullied at school and whether they are being treated well by their teachers, in order to solve the problem in a timely manner. Listen to the sounds around them and monitor their location in real-life conditions with the “Findmykids” app.

Prostock-studio/Shutterstock.com Prostock-studio/Shutterstock.com[/caption] Prostock-studio/Shutterstock.com[/caption] Sign an agreement with the child, an actual written one. Clearly outline what they are entitled to for “voluntary” completion of the lessons and what is the “punishment” for not completing a task. Incentive schemes work well with older children, for example, if the child was doing their homework all week, on the weekend the whole family goes where the child chooses to go. Stickers with “well done” on them, work great with younger students.

How to help your child?

The tips of a psychologist

From generation to generation, we have passed on an unwillingness to learn. Children start being scared of learning right from kindergarten: “When you go to school, the teacher will not take your tantrums into consideration, they will immediately give you a bad grade”, “if you behave badly, you will be taken to the headmaster’s office”. The child is prepared for the fact that it will be difficult, uninteresting, and painful to study, in advance.

• Try to talk positively about the school and the teachers. The school is the foundation and base of the child’s entire future life.

When a child’s feelings are denied, they quickly lose interest in any activity, including studying. The child says, “This is a very difficult task. I will never complete it, and receives in response: “You are just very lazy, everything seems difficult for you”.

• Let the children share their fears and concerns with you, even if they seem like they are blown out of proportion to you.
• In a family, a child can find everything they need. Listen more and judge less, and then the children themselves will want to share their problems with you.

The desire to raise a genius out of a child with excellent grades in all subjects leads to nervous breakdowns and low self-esteem, because a son or daughter cannot always reach the standard set by their parents. The same applies to unfulfilled parental expectations, when, for instance, a mother dreamed of becoming a ballet dancer so much, that she decided that her daughter must make her dream come true.

The issue of all parents is to be comparing them with other children. “You see, Pete always gets straight As, and you only get Cs and Ds”, “you see, Lara has been doing the homework on her own for a while now, and you are still asking for my help”. The child starts silently hating Pete and other kids, thinking of themselves as the biggest loser.

• If you are comparing the child with someone, compare them only with themselves: “You see, last year it was hard for you to learn the rules of multiplication, and this year it is super easy for you!”
• Praise your children more often for their achievements, even for small ones.
• Explain why it is so important to go to school and what it will give your child in the future.
• Do not scold them for poor grades, the child is already upset with this. Try to figure out the reason for them in the first place.
• Don’t “reimburse” good grades with gadgets, fashionable items or other purchases.
• Talk to the child more often about their dreams and plans for the future.
• It is important to teach the child the time management skills for their time after school, so that there is enough time for both rest and homework.
• The stance that “grades are not important, however, the acquired knowledge is”, is a useful one for both parents and children.
• Do homework with your child only if they ask for help.

Now let’s address the question that worries many parents. Should I help my child with homework? If you do not help, they will make a bunch of mistakes, or forget to learn the poem or will not even turn in the DIY airplane model for their arts & crafts project.

According to the “biggest-ever” study on parents and children carried out in 2018 by the Varkey Foundation on a sample of 27 000 people from 29 countries, suggests that overall, only 25% of parents spend on average 7 or more hours a week helping their children with homework. Moreover, nearly 30% of all parents feel that they need to help their children more and to be more responsive to their needs.

Here is what today’s mums and dads recall about their childhood:

1. “I always had problems with math at school. Well, I did not understand all these sin and cos, integrals and functions! In the 6th grade, my father took over my education. And since he was not a very good teacher, he explained all the topics to me in a raised voice, got angry when I did not understand something. As a result, we quarreled, he called me stupid and said that nothing good would turn out from me. Maybe some mathematical knowledge remained in my head, but my relationship with my father got fully ruined”.

2. “My mother took the matter of my homework into her own hands from my first grade. We sat down with her and did it for hours until she was happy with the result. Sometimes my mother was annoyed that I was doing it very slowly, and she did some of the tasks instead of me. When she was not at home, I never did the homework myself. What for? She wouldn’t be happy about something in it anyway, and I’ll have to redo it”.

As we can see, the parental attempts to control the process of performing the tasks may not always be beneficial for the child.

What is recommended by professionals:

• in the first grade, parents need to do their homework with their child, but only in order to organize the whole process. Teach your son or daughter some easy tricks, for example, starting off with doing written tasks followed by oral tasks, that a complex math problem is to be firstly done on a draft and that a test or an exam requires some preparation in advance;
• allocate a special time for homework with your child, for example, from 5 pm to 7 pm. Help them organize their workplace and space, ensure they have good lighting;
• do not refuse to help if the child asks you for it. However, don’t try to do it instead of them, but rather do it together with them;
• homework is the workload of a child, and only they should be responsible for it, not mom or dad, as they have completed all of their homework a long time ago.

Dear parents, remember: your goal is not to force the son or the daughter to study, but to create such an atmosphere within the family where the child would have an opportunity to share any of their problems, where they are recognized and appreciated not through their grades and where they will be able to acquire the knowledge for their future adult life.

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When Your Homeschooler Refuses to Do Any Work: Exactly What To Do!

Do you have a homeschooler who  refuses  to do their work?

Are your school days laced with frustration, pleading, anger, and tantrums – from both parent and child?

Is your kid slipping further and further beneath their potential because of their stubbornness?

Are you at your wit’s end?

Let me tell you, you are not alone!

I have had my own struggles with my 3 girls, and I have received emails from some pretty broken, frustrated homeschool moms too. 

I have written a couple of posts on how to motivate a homeschooler and whether bribing is every appropriate in homeschooling ….but I don’t think I’ve ever addressed the issue of what to do with a supremely stubborn child.

The homeschooler who won’t do school work no matter what “reward” is waiting for them. 

If you are in a daily battle of the wills with your homeschooler, you are in the right place. 

Get some coffee, and I’m going to show you how you can and will regain control of your homeschool and raise a child who loves learning! 

How to Deal With A Homeschool Kid Who Refuses To Do Any Work

1. Really Stop and Think. Dig Deep.

I don’t believe there is a “ one size fits all ” reason for why a kid continually and stubbornly refuses their homeschool work.

For that reason, you really need to sit down and think about what is truly causing the friction you are experiencing every day.

If you identify and correct these issues, it could make a world of difference in your homeschool!

To get your mind rolling, think through each of the below points and see if they apply to your homeschooler:

– Are you an angry homeschool mom?

No judgment over here. I have been there!

How would you feel if a teacher in a classroom treated your child the way that you do?

If you felt a pang of conviction there, please read my post on How to Stop Being an Angry Homeschool Mom . 

It gives practical tips that I have learned over the year to stop being impatient and angry with the 3 kids I love the most in the world. 

– Is the curriculum you’re using appropriate?

I am not one to say that you should run out and buy new curriculum every time your kid gets grumpy about school. But if your child is continually fighting you day after day, it may be worth it to try a different curriculum. 

I had one kid that went from slugging through math every day with a sour face to exclaiming, “Thank you, mommy! Thank you, mommy, for being this curriculum! I’m good at math!” 

All I did was switch out the curriculum and it made a shocking change in my child and our homeschool.

If you think this is the boat you’re in, read When to Switch Up the Curriculum .

– Is your child frustrated with new material?

Many kids fly through the early years of school and everything just clicks for them. People always remark about how smart they are.

Your kid may come to feel that they are just naturally gifted with all things school.

Inevitably though, these kids will hit material that is a challenge for them – it doesn’t come easily.

This may anger, frustrate, and scare your child. Instead of facing the challenge head-on, your homeschooler refuses to do it at all, so they won’t be seen as a failure. 

“Everyone says I’m smart. I don’t get this stuff though! Am I not smart anymore??”

I have had more than one kid like this. 

Here is how I handle it:

Pull the kid up into your lap, look them in the eye, and say with soft eyes, “We have a long stretch of years ahead of us where I will be teaching you. There will be lots of new material like this. You don’t know everything. If you did, you would be living in your own house, with your own job, and your own money. Did you know that school was hard for me too? I had to work really hard to learn {fill in the blank}. It was tough for me! I know this material is a challenge for you and you don’t like that, but let me tell you the truth about really smart people – they work hard . Smart people dig in and keep going even when it’s tough. Smart people don’t quit. You are a hard worker too, so I know you can do this if you set your mind to it.”

From this point on, praise your child for how hard they work, not for how smart they are.  

– Is your child under social stress? Dealing with depression?

Some homeschoolers may be refusing their schoolwork because they are rejecting the concept of homeschooling. 

They feel isolated. Yes, socialization does matter ! 

Is your kid able to get out and see their friends on a regular basis? Does your child have solid friends?

What can you do to meet those very real needs?

Check out my post – The Secret Strategy for Helping your Homeschooler Make Friends – to help your kid out.

More and more kids are also dealing with depression for many different reasons that have nothing to do with school.

If you think this could be an issue, there would be no harm in a doctor’s visit or seeing a counselor to help your child address the issue. 

– Are you pushing too hard?

This was 100% me in my first year of homeschooling. My type-A personality wanted my homeschool to be a huge success, so I pushed that onto my little 1st grader. 

I would tell her that she didn’t really need those manipulatives to do her math problem – couldn’t she just remember the answer?

The truth was, I was asking her to do things that were beyond her grade and development level – no wonder she wasn’t loving school!

I had to check myself, do some research, and make sure that my expectations matched what was appropriate for her. 

Are your expectations too high?

Are your school days way too long?

Do you push your kid because you want to validate yourself and your decision to homeschool?

– Are you having fun?

School, especially homeschool, should be fun. If you’re not having fun, why is that?

What can you change about your homeschool to make it more engaging and interesting for your kid?

Sometimes it is as simple as changing what you write on – check out that homeschool hack here .

Maybe you need a new read-aloud book. 

Make more time for art projects, science experiments, music, and P.E.

Find exciting Youtube videos that match up with your lesson. 

Be flexible, and incorporate the things your child is interested in into your lessons.

I once threw out a month of science lessons so we could dive into a study of Megalodon, which was something my kid was obsessed with at the time.

She was so excited for school to start every morning!

Take some time and go through these questions and really take an inventory of what is going on in your homeschool. If you still think your kid is just plain stubborn, then read on.

2. Lift Your Kid’s Eyes to the Future

Sometimes kids need a little extra motivation than your typical sticker chart rewards system.  Sit down with them and talk about their future (not in a scary way, but in an excited, adventure sort of way). 

What do they want to be? What are they passionate about? What do they want to do with their lives? Where do they want to go to college?

My oldest daughter (7 or 8 years old at the time) flat out refused to do math at one point. I took the time to gently show her that just about any job (and many basic life skills) requires an understanding of math. This is true of all core curriculum too!

We went online and looked up some good colleges that had programs she was interested in. We watched videos for prospective students and even looked at some of the college housing pages.

It all looked really cool and my daughter was very interested!

I told her that there is an end goal to school. There is a reason for what we do day in and day out – and that is to open every possible door for her. I want her to have her pick of colleges when the time comes. I want her to be prepared and to excel .

I want her to soar when she leaves my house and be anything she wants to be. 

But for that to happen, she has to apply herself in school. Kids that don’t do well in school, don’t have as many options and opportunities as kids who did apply themselves.

No matter the age your kid is, it doesn’t hurt to lovingly lift their child’s eyes to look at the long-term goal.

Make sure they know that all your efforts come from a desire to see them succeed in life!

3.  Introduce a Bookend Reward System

After discussing the future and the importance of school with your resistant homeschooler, introduce a Bookend Reward System.

That means that when they finish school in a reasonable amount of time, with a good attitude  – there will be a reward.

Now this reward must be something that you don’t mind giving out and they really want . It could be increased screentime, a sticker chart that helps them earn something bigger, a later bedtime, special treat, etc.

If your child fails to meet that standard (due to a bad attitude, not because they were actually struggling with the material) there will be a consequence.

The consequence should be something they really don’t want and you don’t mind doing. It could be a loss of screen time, taking away a favorite toy, putting their tablet in timeout for 24 hours, etc.

If you’re not sure what your consequence should be, think about the thing your kid would always rather do than schoolwork. Then take that thing away as the consequence. 

It’s important to communicate this “bookend” system with great love and concern . You are not angry – you love your homeschooler and you want to help motivate them to reach their true potential.

Every day they have a chance to either earn something positive…or experience an immediate negative consequence.

You are no longer in a daily power struggle over schoolwork.

They pick every day what they want to experience.

They are in the driver’s seat. 

4. Consistency is the Name of the Game

It is one thing to introduce the Bookend Reward system to your homeschooler who resues to do their work…and it is any entirely different thing to actually follow through with it. 

This system will absolutely fail  if you do not convince your child that you are serious. 

You must always follow through with what you said you would do.

Whenever you have to administer consequences, be firm, but kind .

Tell them you are so sorry they made this choice and you were really hoping they would choose differently.

Do not give second chances . That sounds harsh, but they need to learn what the standard is – and that is school completed on time with a good attitude.

There is no room for tantrums, ugly words, or refusing to be work. You will no longer beg them to do their work.  

When they choose the positive path – go nuts! Celebrate them to the point that they roll their eyes and say you’re embarrassing them!

Delight in the reward they receive and make a big deal about it at the dinner table. 

*****If you think your kid really struggles with connecting their actions to how the day plays out, I highly recommend getting the book “ What Should Danny Do? ” and “ What Should Darla Do? ”

These are fantastic “choose your own adventure” books that allow your kid to actually choose what decisions Danny and Darla make throughout the day. They get to see how the day changes based on the decisions they make!

My own kids have benefited so much from these books and now respect their own “Power to Choose.”

But What if This Doesn’t Work and My Homeschool Still Won’t Do Their Work?

If you find that your kid still doesn’t care about the reward you’re offering and the consequence for not meeting the standard…I would tell you revisit the questions in the first point of this post and rethink what the reward and consequence are.

Whatever you have picked is not getting the job done.

Do not be afraid to sit down and ask your child what would motivate them. You might be surprised what they will tell you their consequence should be! 

Find the right pressure points and stay consistent with a loving and firm hand. 

How to Prevent Raising a Homeschooler Who Won’t Do Schoolwork

Did you read this article out of fear, not because you are actually experiencing a homeschool kid who refuses schoolwork?

Do you want to be prepared for what the future might hold?

If this is you, then I want to give you some points to avoid getting in the situations this article talks about. 

Your homeschooler may love school right now. They may relish every read-aloud book, worksheet, and project…but that attitude will likely not last. 

Mountains and valleys are extremely normal in education.

You just need to be ready.

I would strongly recommend following these steps to prevent raising a homeschooler who won’t do school work:

1. Make “fun” a central value of your homeschool. Don’t skip the cool things because you think you don’t have time. Your kids should be excited to find out what they’ll be learning tomorrow!

2. use a reward system for schoolwork even if you don’t “need” one right now. it will help on days that your kid is a little sluggish – don’t we all have those days, 3. when and if your kid gives you an inappropriate attitude about school work, nip it in the bud quickly. make it clear that such behavior will not be tolerated. do not yell or get angry, just state that your job is to teach – not to beg them to do school. i have even sent my kids to their rooms and told them they have lost the privilege of doing school – which also means they lost their reward for the day., recap when your homeschooler refuses to do homeschool work.

You can absolutely change the path your homeschool is on – I have no doubt. 

Remember to address those initial questions about your homeschool with brutal honesty, talk to your kid about what their future holds, introduce the Bookend Rewards System , and follow through with it! 

You can do this!

And your children will be so blessed by your efforts, Homeschool Mama.

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Doing Your Homework : Master of Deception: Dealing with Homework Refusal & Failure by Sue Whitney

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"Can I demand that the teachers give me a list of his homework assignments? When I request this information, the teachers won't give it to me. I'm told that 'teachers are too busy.' "My parents did this for me to make me accountable for my work at school. I don't understand why teachers won't help now."

High school teachers can easily have over one hundred students. You are probably getting as much help from the teachers as any other parent.

You are dealing with several issues:

• Does your son have a disability that was not identified in the earlier testing?
• Why is your son refusing to complete homework when this is causing him to fail?
• What can be done to resolve the problem? Who can help?

If you think your son’s testing is outdated or incomplete, you can have another evaluation done, preferably by an evaluator in the private sector. However, this will not fix his homework refusal problems. By the time a student reaches high school, he needs to find ways to do his work, regardless of whether he has a disability or not. I suggest that you look at these issues separately.

Does Your Son Have a Disability? It is essential that parents understand the tests that have been completed on their child - what the test results mean. Read Tests and Measurements for the Parent, Teacher, Advocate and Attorney by Pete and Pam Wright. Plan to read this article three times. Make margin notes. Use a highlighter. You will also find this information in Chapters 10 and 11 of Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy, 2nd Edition .

Now read the evaluation that was completed on your son. After reading the Tests and Measurements article, you will have a clearer sense about what the test scores mean.

If you need help understanding what the test scores mean, make an appointment with the evaluator. Bring your list of questions to this meeting. Ask the evaluator to educate you about your son, his strengths and weaknesses, and what can be done about the homework problem.

If parts of the evaluation do not seem to describe your son accurately or the evaluation was done a few years ago, you may want to get an updated evaluation by a private sector evaluator. A comprehensive psycho-educational evaluation looks at all areas. It should contain detailed information about the findings and detailed recommendations about what needs to be done to help your son. You should expect to see the scores as standard scores and percentiles (at a minimum).

What does a good evaluation look like? Look at this evaluation to see what a comprehensive evaluation includes and how the test information is presented. http://alpha.fdu.edu/psychology/jiffy_evaluation_center.htm

Homework Refusal and Failure People do not consciously choose to fail. Yet, your son refuses to do his homework which causes him to fail. Neither you nor your son know why he is sabotaging himself.

Demanding that his teachers provide you with his homework will not solve this problem. Complaining that the teachers won't give you his assignments will have a negative impact on your relationships with these teachers. His teachers are likely to view you as an over-protective "helicopter parent" - you don't want that identity! Getting Help

Find a good therapist who is knowledgeable about adolescents and family dynamics. Ask your son's doctor to recommend a therapist. (The therapist and the doctor may be able to suggest an evaluator if you decide to get a new evaluation on your son.)

If you get a referral from your primary care physician, most health insurance plans will cover several visits. If you are not sure about your benefits, call your insurance company before you make an appointment.

As your son's parent, you still control the food, money, internet, telephone, and transportation. Use this power to get straight answers from your son about homework. Although he may not be able to do the work, he is capable of telling you what the assignments are, or who he can call to get his assignments.

You need to find out why your son is failing. Does he need help or pressure? Both?

Don’t you wish Dr. Spock books went through age 25? Resources

Sample Psychoeducational Evaluation Tests and Measurements for the Parent, Teacher, Advocate and Attorney How to Solve Problems and Protect Parent-School Relationships - Pete and Pam Wright offer advice about how to resolve problems with the school by restructuring relationships, learning effective advocacy skills, using strategies in letters, and learning to negotiate and persuade. Learn why Pam says, "You need to view your relationship with the school as a marriage without the possibility of divorce." Asking the Right Questions . How does the school perceive you? Good article about how to ask questions and get better services.

Created: 04/09/07 Revised: 09/27/09