an essay about a good parent

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12 Traits Good Parents Have in Common

Granger Wootz / Blend Images / Getty Images

Guide and Support Your Child

Encourage independence, be mindful that they are watching, avoid being mean, spiteful, or unkind, show your kids you love them, apologize for your mistakes, discipline your child effectively, see your child for who they are, keep track of your child, teach your child to be a good person, connect with your child, listen to your child.

What traits do good parents have in common? Are there certain things that some people do that make them good parents (or not good parents)?

Of course, the characteristics of a good parent aren't fixed or absolute. What may seem like good parenting to one person may not fit that definition for someone else. But generally speaking, these traits and habits can be found in parents who are practicing good parenting skills.

Every child is different and so is every parent, and every family has unique needs and circumstances. But most kids will benefit from parents who strive to provide care, attention, and unconditional love—but set expectations for behavior too.

Parents naturally want their kids to succeed and may push, prod, bribe, demand, or even threaten kids with punishment to get them to practice an instrument, excel at a sport, achieve top grades and so on. The fact is, being a strict " Tiger Mom " (or dad) isn't likely to get your child further than giving kids lots of support, and gently nudging if and when they need it.

Good parents know that it's important for kids to do things for themselves. Whether it's homework or chores or making friends , the best thing we can do as parents is get kids to a place where they can handle things on their own. However, it can be hard to tell how much we should help and how much we should let kids figure something out on their own.

As a general rule, helping your child with something is fine when you do it with the end goal of teaching them to eventually do it by themselves.

For example, it's not a good idea for parents to, say, do a child's homework for them or hover over a play date and dictate exactly what the kids will play and how. Those are definite examples of helicoptering , not helping. But if you show a child how to work out a homework problem or settle a problem with a friend in a respectful way, you're giving your child good tools for the future.

Got a piece of juicy gossip you're dying to share? Want to tell off a neighbor who did something rude or yell at a driver who cut you off? While we can't always be perfect, good parents know that kids are always learning from the examples we set. If we want our children to be kind , empathetic , and  well-mannered as they grow up, we must try to be on our own best behavior and be respectful of others.

Can a parent occasionally lose their temper or yell ? Absolutely—we are human, after all. But insulting or humiliating or belittling a child are never, ever a good way to teach anything. Would you want to be treated that way?

We can all get so busy, it's easy to forget to take the time to show our kids how we feel about them. Small gestures, like writing a note for their lunchbox or sharing things about yourself with them can strengthen your connection and show your child how much you love them every day.

You probably teach your kids to own up to things they did wrong by apologizing and trying to make up for what they did. This is just as, if not more, important for parents to do themselves.

Good parents know that all parents can sometimes make mistakes, and they learn from them and show their kids how to take responsibility for their actions.

Discipline (not punishment) is not only one of the best things you can teach your kids but also a way to ensure that you are raising a child who will be happier as they grow. Why is it so important to discipline children ? Kids who are not disciplined are much more likely to be spoiled , ungrateful, greedy, and, not surprisingly, have trouble making friends and being happy later in life.

Aim to see your child for who they are, not who you're hoping they'll become. Your child may be more of a quiet reader than someone who wants to be a star on the stage or a soccer field.

It's great to encourage kids to try things that may push them out of their comfort zones. "You won't know if you like it till you really give it a try" can sometimes apply, especially to kids who are still figuring out who they are and what they want.

But it's important for parents to do a quick check and make sure they're pushing kids for the right reasons (to try it, and not because the parent wants the child to be something they're not).

Know what your child is doing and with whom. Who are your child's friends? What are the parents of the child like? Who will your child encounter when they play at the friend's house and are there guns in the home?

These and other  questions to ask before a play date are not only crucial for your child's safety but also an important way for you to keep track of what your child is experiencing and encountering when they are away from you.

Teach kids to be kind, respectful toward others, be charitable, grateful for what they have, and have empathy for others. Of course, we all want our kids to strive to get good grades, win awards and accolades for music, sports, and other activities, and be successful later in life. However, who they are as a person is more important than which awards they get.

If you forget to teach them how to be good children and good people, they will be less likely to be happy and fulfilled, no matter what they achieve and how much they succeed.

Laugh together, spend time together, and connect positively every day. Whether it's playing a board game, going for a bike ride, cooking, watching a movie, or reading a book together (or reading different books side-by-side, if your child is older), good parents consciously spend time having fun and connecting with their kids in small and large ways.

Parents often spend a lot of their time with their kids talking to them rather than with them. Practice listening to your kids and really giving them your full attention (away from a computer or phone screen). You'll be surprised by how much more you feel connected to your child, and you'll likely learn about lots of things your child is thinking and feeling.

The best part: You'll be also showing your child how they can give you their undivided attention when you want to discuss something with them.

Alizadeh S, Abu Talib MB, Abdullah R, Mansor M. Relationship between parenting style and children's behavior problems . As Soc Sci . 2011;7(12):195-200. doi:10.5539/ass.v7n12p195 

Moe A, Katz I, Alesi M. Scaffolding for motivation by parents, and child homework motivations and emotions: Effects of a training programme . Br J Edu Psychol . 2018;88(2):323-344. doi:10.1111/bjep.12216

Richaud MC, Mesurado B, Lemos V. Links between perception of parental actions and prosocial behavior in early adolescence . J Child Fam Stud. 2013;22(5):637-646. doi:10.1007/s10826-012-9617-x

Layous K, Nelson SK, Oberle E, Schonert-Reichl KA, Lyubomirsky S. Kindness counts: Prompting prosocial behavior in preadolescents boosts peer acceptance and well-being . PLoS ONE. 2012;7(12):e513380. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0051380

By Katherine Lee Katherine Lee is a parenting writer and a former editor at Parenting and Working Mother magazines.

A Good Parent: Definition and Traits

Qualities of a good parent: essay introduction, good parent: definition, what makes a good parent, qualities of a good parent: essay conclusion.

If you’re looking for the best “qualities of a good parent” essay example, look no further. This sample paper provides a good parent definition and explains what makes a good parent.

The debate around the definition of a good parent has been heated during the last few decades. In the 1960s, the approach to such family-related matters as upbringing children and parenting changed considerably. Psychologists and sociologists suggested that children need an open area for development, fewer restrictions, and less control.

This led to a crisis in the 1970s as children lost their natural respect to parents and became uncontrolled. Such a state of affairs caused further debate regarding the notion of being a good parent and successful parenting strategies. In the following paper, an attempt to give a definition of a good parent will be made.

Overall, a good parent is a parent who is able to offer one’s child love and affection which is important for his or her normal development as a dignified and contented person, and is also successful in teaching one’s child important social skills to help find his or her place in the world; this person is also a good example for the child.

Nowadays, the debate around the meaning of a good parent is heated. Psychologists, sociologists, and the other specialists are in constant research of new techniques that can be used by parents to raise a dignified citizen for society and a deserving person for the family.

The concepts of an ideal parent offered by them are very different, ranging from the person who allows one’s child everything he or she may want, and ending with a tyrant limiting one’s child in every area to raise a strong-willed person.

According to Epstein (2010, p. 46), “the best thing we can do for our children is to give them lots of love and affection.” Despite many differences in their approaches, the majority of specialists will agree that love and affection is a central criterion for becoming a good parent.

Similar comments will be made by children themselves, who will always say that the main thing they need from their parents is their love, attention, and support. As a result, a conclusion can be made that a good parent is a loving parent.

Next, each child should find one’s place in the Universe, which means that it is important for each person in this world to have work, or better, labor of love, which will help him or she provide for oneself and feel needed among the other people.

Parents should educate their children, share their experiences, and help children evaluate the examples of other people to assist them in making their choices in life (Petersen, 2010). Thus, a good parent is a parent who knows how to teach one’s children all the important things which will help them occupy their position in this world.

Finally, parents should be an example for their children in every area (Le Menestrel & Academy for Educational Development, 2003; Epstein, 2010). Of course, this is very difficult because a good parent should be successful in every field, including family life, the professional sphere, and being an exemplary citizen, but without that being a good parent is impossible. Hence, a good parent is a good example of one’s child.

In conclusion, a good parent can be defined as a loving person who surrounds one’s child with warmth and affection, trains the child to help find one’s place in the outer world, and is a good example of a dignified citizen by him- or herself.

Epstein, R. (2010). What Makes a Good Parent?. Scientific American Mind, 21 (5), 46.

Le Menestrel, S., & Academy for Educational Development, W. C. (2003). In the Good Old Summertime: What Do Parents Want for Their Kids? Washington: Academy for Educational Development.

Petersen, T. (2010). What makes a good parent? Nordic Journal Of Applied Ethics / Etikk I Praksis, 4 (1), 23-37.

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November 1, 2010

10 min read

What Makes a Good Parent?

A scientific analysis ranks the 10 most effective child-rearing practices. Surprisingly, some don't even involve the kids

By Robert Epstein

Amazon.com lists an astounding number of dieting books—more than 16,000. But parenting guides far exceed that number: there are some 40,000 of them, including books such as Jane Rankin’s Parenting Experts , that do nothing but evaluate the often conflicting advice the experts offer. People, it seems, are even more nervous about their parenting than they are about their waistlines.

Why is there such chaos and doubt when it comes to parenting? Why, in fact, do most parents continue to parent pretty much the way their own parents did—or, if they disliked the way they were raised, the exact opposite way? Shouldn’t we all just find out what the studies say and parent accordingly?

A growing body of research conducted over the past 50 years shows fairly clearly that some parenting practices produce better outcomes than others—that is, better relationships between parent and child and happier, healthier, better functioning children. And just as we use medical science cautiously and strategically to make everyday health decisions, we can also make wise use of research to become better parents.

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A new study I conducted with Shannon L. Fox, a student at the University of California, San Diego, which we presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association this past August, compared the effectiveness of 10 kinds of parenting practices that have gotten the thumbs-up in various scientific studies. It also showed how parenting experts rate those practices and looked at just how many parents actually use those practices. In other words, we compared three things: what experts advise, what really seems to work and what parents actually do.

Our study confirmed some widely held beliefs about parenting—for example, that showing your kids that you love them is essential—and it also yielded some surprises, especially regarding the importance of a parent’s ability to manage stress in his or her own life.

Ten Important Competencies To figure out which parenting skills were most important, we looked at data from about 2,000 parents who recently took an online test of parenting skills I developed several years ago (accessible at http://MyParentingSkills.com ) and who also answered questions about their children. Parents did not know this when they took the test, but the skills were organized into 10 categories, all of which derive from published studies that show that such skills are associated with good outcomes with children. The 10 skill areas measured by the test were also evaluated by 11 parenting experts unknown to Fox and me, and we in turn were unknown to them (in other words, using a double-blind evaluation procedure).

On the test, parents indicated for 100 items how much they agreed with statements such as “I generally encourage my child to make his or her own choices,” “I try to involve my child in healthful outdoor activities” and “No matter how busy I am, I try to spend quality time with my child.” Test takers clicked their level of agreement on a five-point scale from “agree” to “disagree.” Because all the items were derived from published studies, the answers allowed us to compute an overall skill level for each test taker, as well as separate skill levels in each of the 10 competency areas. Agreement with statements that described sound parenting practices (again, according to those studies) yielded higher scores.

The 10 kinds of parenting competencies, which we call “The Parents’ Ten,” include obvious ones such as managing problem behavior and expressing love and affection, as well as practices that affect children indirectly, such as maintaining a good relationship with one’s co-parent and having practical life skills.

In addition to asking test takers basic demographic questions about their age, education, marital status, parenting experience, and so on, we also asked them questions about the outcomes of their parenting, such as “How happy have your children been (on average)?,” “How successful have your children been in school or work settings (on average)?” and “How good has your relationship been with your children (on average)?” For questions such as these, test takers clicked on a 10-point scale from low to high.

With scores in hand for each parent on all “The Parents’ Ten,” along with their general assessments regarding the outcomes of their parenting, we could now use a statistical technique called regression analysis to determine which competencies best predict good parenting outcomes. For an outcome such as the child’s happiness, this kind of analysis allows us to say which parenting skills are associated with the most happiness in children.

Love, Autonomy and Surprises Our most important finding confirmed what most parents already believe, namely, that the best thing we can do for our children is to give them lots of love and affection. Our experts agreed, and our data showed that this skill set is an excellent predictor of good outcomes with children: of the quality of the relationship we have with our children, of their happiness, and even of their health. What’s more, parents are better at this skill than they are at any of the others. We also confirmed what many other studies have shown: that encouraging children to become independent and autonomous helps them to function at a high level.

But our study also yielded a number of surprises. The most surprising finding was that two of the best predictors of good outcomes with children are in fact indirect : maintaining a good relationship with the other parent and managing your own stress level. In other words, your children benefit not just from how you treat them but also from how you treat your partner and yourself.

Getting along with the other parent is necessary because children inherently want their parents to get along. Many years ago, when my first marriage was failing, my six-year-old son once led me by the hand into the kitchen where his mom was standing and tried to tape our hands together. It was a desperate act that conveyed the message: “Please love each other. Please get along.” Children do not like conflict, especially when it involves the two people in the world they love most. Even in co-parenting situations where parents live apart, it is crucial to adhere to practices that do not hurt children: to resolve conflicts out of sight of the children, to apologize to one another and forgive each other (both can be done in front of the kids), to speak kindly about the other parent, and so on.

Stress management is also important for good parenting, just as it is vital in all aspects of life. In our study, parents’ ability to manage stress was a good predictor of the quality of their relationship with their kids and also of how happy their children were. Perhaps more telling, people who rated themselves as great parents scored more highly on stress management than on any of the other nine parenting competencies. There is, possibly, a simple lesson here: parents who lose their temper around their kids know that that is bad parenting. Keeping calm is probably step one in good parenting. Fortunately, stress management practices such as meditation, imagery techniques and breathing exercises can be learned, no matter what one’s natural tendencies. People can also learn better organizational skills and even ways of managing stressful thinking.

Keeping children safe—a matter of almost obsessive concern among American parents these days—seems to have both positive and negative outcomes. On the bright side, in our new study safety skills did contribute to good health outcomes. But being overly concerned with safety appears to produce poorer relationships with children and also appears to make children less happy. A recent study by Barbara Morrongiello and her colleagues at the University of Guelph in Ontario shows how complex the safety issue can be. In their study, young people between the ages of seven and 12 said that even though they were generally conforming to the safety rules of their parents, they planned to behave like their parents when they grew up, even where their parents were, by their own standards, behaving unsafely. Had they detected their parents’ hypocrisy?

Another surprise involves the use of behavior management techniques. Although my own training in psychology (under the pioneering behavioral psychologist B. F. Skinner) suggests that sound behavior management—providing lots of reinforcement for good behavior, for example—is essential for good parenting, our new study casts doubt on this idea. Behavior management ranked low across the board: it was a poor predictor of good outcomes with children; parents scored relatively poorly in this skill area; and our experts ranked it ninth in our list of 10 competencies.

In general, we found that parents are far better at educating their children and keeping them safe than they are at managing stress or maintaining a good relationship with the other parent, even though the latter practices appear to have more influence on children. Getting along with one’s co-parent is the third most important practice, but it ranked eighth on the parents’ list of actual abilities. Even more discouraging, stress management (number two in importance) ranked 10th.

Who Make Good Parents? Setting aside “The Parents’ Ten” for the moment, our study also shed some interesting light on what characteristics a good parent has.

A general parenting ability appears to exist—something like the “g” factor that exists for intelligence. The g factor for parenting emerged very strongly in our study using a statistical technique called factor analysis, which organizes large amounts of test data by clustering test items into a small number of highly predictive variables. Some people just seem to have a knack for parenting, which cannot be easily described in terms of specific skills.

We also found that a number of characteristics that people often associate with good parenting are probably not very significant. For example, women appear to be only a hair better than men at parenting these days—a huge change in our culture. Women scored 79.7 percent on our test, compared with 78.5 percent for men—a difference that was only marginally significant. Parents who were older or who had more children also did not produce significantly better parenting outcomes in our study. Parents seem to perform just as well whether or not they have ever been married, and divorced parents appear to be every bit as competent as those who are still married, although their children are somewhat less happy than the children of parents who were never divorced.

Neither race nor ethnicity seems to contribute much to parenting competence, and gays and straights are just about equal in parenting ability. In fact, gays actually outscored straights by about 1 percentage point in our test, but the difference was not statistically significant.

One characteristic that does seem to make a difference is education: generally speaking, the more the education, the better the parenting. This might be because better educated people also work harder to improve their parenting skills through parent education programs (confirmed by our data). It is also possible that good parents—those with a high parenting g—are also generally competent people who are better educated. In other words, the g for parenting might be the same as the g for intelligence, a matter to be explored in future research.

The bottom line on such findings is that if you really want to know about an individual’s competence as a parent, you should measure that competence directly rather than default to commonly held stereotypes. In the U.S., after all, women did not get the vote until 1920 because of faulty assumptions about female limitations. I believe this is one of the main lessons of our study: there is simply no substitute for the direct measure of competence.

Perhaps the best news is that parents are trainable. Our data confirm that parents who have taken parenting classes produce better outcomes with their children than parents who lack such training and that more training leads to b­etter outcomes. Training programs, such as the evidence-based Parenting Wisely program developed by Donald A. Gordon of Ohio University, can indeed improve parenting practices. Pro­grams are available in major cities around the country, sometimes sponsored by local therapists or state or county agencies. The National Effective Parenting Initiative, which I have been associated with since its inception in 2007, is working to make quality parent training more widely available (see http://EffectiveParentingUSA.org for additional information).

Where Experts Fail Although parenting experts do indeed offer conflicting advice at times (perhaps because they don’t keep up with the studies!), our experts generally did a good job of identifying competencies that predict positive outcomes with children. There were two notable exceptions: First, they ranked stress management eighth in our list of 10 competencies, even though it appears to be one of the most important competencies. Second, our experts seemed to be biased against the religion and spirituality competency. They ranked it rock bottom in the list of 10, and several even volunteered negative comments about this competency area, even though studies suggest that religious or spiritual training is good for children.

Historically, clinicians and behavioral scientists have shied away from religious issues, at least in their professional lives; that could explain the discomfort our experts expressed about religious or spiritual training for children. Why they were so far off on stress management is truly a mystery, however, given psychology’s long interest in both the study and treatment of stress. I can only speculate that stress management is not widely taught in graduate programs in psychology-related fields as an essential component of good parenting. It should be.

Bringing It Home Tempering one’s parenting with relevant scientific knowledge can truly have great benefits for one’s family. It can reduce or eliminate conflict with one’s children, for one thing, and that in turn can improve a marriage or co-parenting relationship. It can also help produce happier, more capable children.

I have seen how this works in my own parenting. I am a much better parent with my younger children (who range in age from four to 12) than I was with my older two (now 29 and 31). The more I have learned about parenting over the years, the more loving and skillful I have become, with obvious benefits. These days I really do hug my children and tell them I love them several times a day, every day, without exception. When love is never in question, children are much more understanding and tolerant when a parent needs to set limits, which I do regularly. I have also learned to stay calm—to improve the way I react to things. When I am calm, my children are, too, and we avoid that deadly cycle of emotional escalation that can ruin relationships.

Most important, I am much more a facilitator now than a controller. While building my own competence as a parent, I have also put more effort into recognizing and strengthening the competence of my children, helping them to become strong and independent in many ways. My 12-year-old son is now a calm, helpful role model to his three younger siblings, and before I get out of bed these days, my 10-year-old daughter has sometimes already made scrambled eggs for all of them—and cleaned up, too.

Robert Epstein , senior research psychologist at the American Institute for Behavioral Research and Technology in Vista, Calif., is a contributing editor for Scientific American Mind and former editor in chief of Psychology Today . His latest book is Teen 2.0: Saving Our Children and Families from the Torment of Adolescence (Linden Publishing, 2010).

How To Be A Great Parent To Your Child?

Kerin Stark

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Table of Contents

Ways to be a good parent, how to be a great parent: 8 basic elements of good effective parenting, frequently asked questions (faqs).

Parenthood is an incredibly fulfilling and rewarding journey, but it comes with its challenges. No matter what is the age of the child, how to be a good parent is a question that will always disturb you. 

It requires a delicate balance between showering them with love and guiding them to understand the concepts of right and wrong. It’s a continuous effort that demands your best as you strive to create a nurturing environment for their growth, fostering their confidence , independence, and compassion.

Children attentively observe and absorb their parents’ actions and words, internalizing and mirroring their behaviors. A crucial aspect of how to be a good parent is recognizing that children are constantly observing, learning, and imitating their parents. 

By being mindful of this influence, parents can set a positive example and provide guidance, understanding the profound impact their own words and actions have on their children’s development. Being aware of this dynamic empowers parents to be role models and create a nurturing environment that fosters their children’s growth and well-being and also helps the parents to understand how to be a great parent.

Now we’ve collected all of our all-time favorite elements of advice in one place to answer your question about how to be a great parent. For easier comprehension, we have broken the methods into four parts to make it easier for you to get your answer on how to be a great parent. All four parts will describe the parenting skills you require and these are enough to resolve the queries regarding how to be a great parent.

PART 1 Establishing a Nurturing Atmosphere

1. give your child an ample amount of affection.

Ensure your child receives ample affection by actively cultivating a strong physical and emotional bond throughout their entire childhood. Express your love and care through various means, such as cuddling, giving hugs, offering encouragement, or simply touching their shoulder to show support is one of the ways to be a good parent.

Let your child know they are loved unconditionally, irrespective of external expectations or achievements.

2. Do not impose your aspirations on the child

Avoid imposing your own aspirations on your child. Instead, embracing their individuality and guiding them towards activities that align with their interests and passions is another point of ways to be a good parent.

 For example, if your child is not inclined towards sports, respect their preferences and assist them in finding alternative activities that resonate with them. Similarly, refrain from making them feel inadequate if they take time to warm up to people, even if you possess an outgoing nature.

3. Teach them to prioritize experiences over toys

Highlight the value of experiences over material possessions. While toys may provide temporary entertainment, it is the attentive presence of a loving parent that truly makes a child feel cherished and cared for. 

Make a point to create lasting memories by engaging in enjoyable activities together, such as sharing an ice cream cone in the park or simply reading together on the floor.

4. Praise your children for their good deeds

Recognize and praise your child’s accomplishments to foster a sense of pride and self-worth. Acknowledge their achievements and express genuine pride in their efforts. Provide specific and descriptive praise to highlight the particular actions or behaviors you appreciate. 

By emphasizing their accomplishments and positive attributes, you instill confidence and empower them to embrace independence and face challenges and this can be the way to get the answer to how to be a great parent.

Strive to offer more praise than criticism, focusing on building a positive self-image. While it is essential to address misbehavior, it is equally important to bolster their self-esteem. By providing constructive feedback and offering more positive reinforcement, you encourage a sense of self-worth and reduce the likelihood of attention-seeking negative behavior.

5. Listen to their thoughts

Ensure each child feels valued and important by setting aside dedicated one-on-one time with them. Plan enjoyable activities such as walks, snacks, or puzzles to do together, giving them your undivided attention. 

Engage in meaningful conversations and actively listen to their thoughts and feelings. Remember, even simple moments spent together can hold great significance for them.

If you have multiple children, strive to divide your time fairly, considering their individual interests and preferences. Tailor the activities to their unique preferences—for example, one child may enjoy roller skating while another prefers a trip to the library.

Stay involved in their school life as well. Attend school functions when possible, assist with homework, and monitor their grades to gain insights into their academic progress. Consider joining a Parent-Teacher Association (PTA) to deepen your involvement in their education.

While it is important to prioritize quality time, avoid stifling or smothering your children. Allow them space for personal solitude, enabling them to appreciate the specialness of your shared moments rather than feeling obligated to spend time with you.

6. Respecting your child’s privacy is crucial for building trust

Teach them the importance of personal space by assuring them that their room is their private sanctuary, where their belongings and thoughts are respected. This fosters stability, mutual respect, and trust within your relationship.

Acknowledge that as children grow older, it is natural for them to maintain some secrets and privacy. Strike a balance by maintaining an open-door policy, letting them know they can approach you whenever they need assistance or guidance. This approach cultivates a sense of security and openness in family , fostering healthy communication and trust between you and your child.

PART 2 Excelling in the Role of Disciplinarian

7. Set up reasonable rules and regulations

Establish reasonable rules and consequences within your household to guide your children toward a happy and productive life. Tailor these rules to suit your child’s age and development. 

Remember that while rules are important for growth and learning, they should not be so stringent that your child feels incapable of meeting expectations.

For younger children, rules such as “Always have a grown-up present when going outside” can be accompanied by consequences like being grounded indoors if the rule is broken. 

As children grow older, you can introduce rules regarding household responsibilities, with privileges like screen time being withheld if chores are not completed.

While it is important to consider your child’s feedback on the rules, remember that boundaries are necessary for their development. Allowing a child to behave without limits can hinder their ability to navigate societal rules as they grow older.

8. Never engage in harsh punishments

Avoid overly harsh forms of punishment and never engage in physical harm, as these not only constitute abuse but can also exacerbate behavioral issues. Instead, focus on guiding and supporting your child so they can learn from their mistakes.

9. Be consistent with the rules

Consistency is key when enforcing rules. Even though it may be challenging at times, maintaining consistency sends a message that rules are non-negotiable. Avoid allowing exceptions to rules due to tantrums or manipulation, as this undermines their importance and discourages adherence.

10. Try to control your temper in front of kids

This point is the most important thing if you really want to know how to be a great parent. Exercise control over your anger when dealing with your children, striving to remain calm and reasonable, even in challenging situations. 

If you feel yourself losing control, take a break, excuse yourself, or communicate to your children that you are becoming upset. It is important to model emotional regulation for them.

It is natural to occasionally lose your temper or feel out of control. If you make a mistake or say something you regret, take the opportunity to apologize to your children. Teaching them the value of admitting mistakes and offering apologies is a valuable life lesson.

When co-parenting with someone else, present a united front to your children, offering consistent responses and decisions. Though disagreements may arise, work together to solve issues involving the children, fostering cooperation instead of allowing them to exploit differences. Minimize arguments in front of the children to maintain a sense of security and stability.

By establishing reasonable rules, maintaining consistency, and demonstrating emotional control and unity with your co-parent, you create a nurturing environment that fosters your children’s development and well-being.

11. Criticize your child’s behavior, not the child

Address your child’s behavior rather than criticizing the child themselves. When your child misbehaves, communicate that you disapprove of their actions while emphasizing your continued love and care for them. This approach encourages them to recognize the need for change while feeling supported and valued.

When pointing out their wrongdoing, maintain a firm yet compassionate tone. Be assertive in expressing your expectations without being harsh or mean-spirited.

If your child misbehaves in a public setting, take them aside and address the issue privately. By doing so, you prevent adding additional embarrassment to the situation.

Remember, the goal is to guide your child towards better behavior while nurturing their self-esteem and sense of love and support.

PART 3 Fostering Character Development in Your Child

12. try to make your child independent.

Encourage your children to embrace their individuality and make independent choices. Teach them the importance of distinguishing right from wrong from a young age and empower them to make their own decisions rather than dictating everything for them.

Offer opportunities for your children to exercise autonomy by allowing them to make choices. For instance, you can let them choose their outfit from a selection or decide on snacks within reason.

As your children grow older, involve them in decisions regarding extracurricular activities and friendships, ensuring they are safe and positive influences.

Remember that your child is their own person and not an extension of yourself. Provide guidance and support while allowing them to develop their unique identity.

13. Set positive examples in front of your child

It is crucial to embody the behaviors and values you expect from them. Strive to demonstrate the desired qualities and admit when you make mistakes.

For instance, if you want your children to be kind and polite, avoid displaying aggression or impatience in public settings.

To teach your children about charitable acts, engage them in hands-on experiences like serving meals at a soup kitchen. Explain the significance of these acts so they understand the underlying values.

14. Pick a healthy lifestyle and teach good manners

Encourage a healthy lifestyle by providing nutritious food options, engaging in regular physical activity as a family, and ensuring adequate rest. Offer healthy choices rather than filling the house with unhealthy snacks and plan activities that promote movement.

Instill good manners in your children from an early age. Teach them to use phrases like “please,” “thank you,” and “excuse me.” Promote concepts such as taking turns, sharing, and appropriate behavior in social settings.

15. Let them learn from their mistakes

Allow your children to learn from their mistakes and experience the consequences of their actions. While it may be challenging to watch, remember that life’s lessons are valuable and contribute to personal growth.

For example, if your child refuses to wear a jacket, let them experience the cold and learn the importance of dressing appropriately. However, ensure their safety by being prepared to provide the jacket if needed.

Avoid saying “I told you so” and instead allow your child to draw their own conclusions from their experiences. This approach fosters their independent thinking and problem-solving skills.

PART 4 Parenting Teens and Young Adults

16. be frank with the teens.

There are many ways to be a good parent and being frank with your children is something extraordinary. Discuss the concept of waiting until they are of legal drinking age to enjoy alcohol with friends and highlight the significance of having designated drivers for safety.

Engage in open and honest conversations with teenagers about the effects of alcohol on their developing brains and bodies. Provide them with accurate information to help them make informed decisions regarding alcohol consumption.

Encourage your teenagers to adhere to legal drinking age restrictions and emphasize the importance of never drinking and driving. Assure them that if they find themselves impaired, they can always reach out to you for assistance in ensuring they arrive home safely.

By emphasizing responsibility and providing a supportive and understanding environment, you can help guide your children through the complexities of alcohol consumption.

17. Be honest with your children

One of the best ways to be a good parent promote open and honest communication with your children regarding the topic of sex. When your child has questions about sex, respond to them calmly and without embarrassment. Avoiding their questions can leave them uninformed and feeling ashamed, which can have negative impacts on their well-being later in life.

Start discussing their anatomy, including using proper names for body parts, from an early age. As they grow older, engage in conversations about puberty, conception, contraception, and the role of sex in relationships. Provide accurate information and address any concerns they may have.

It’s natural for children to become curious about their bodies as they develop. When they approach you with questions, be open and receptive, setting aside any feelings of embarrassment. Creating an environment of trust and understanding will help your child feel comfortable discussing this important aspect of life with you.

As your child grows into adulthood, it’s important to continue providing support and guidance. Your parenting has a lasting impact that extends far beyond their childhood years. Even if you’re physically distant due to various circumstances, your love, affection, and emotional support remain essential.

18. Be there for your child while they are getting adult

Although you may not be physically present in their day-to-day lives, you can still maintain a strong and meaningful connection. Regularly express your care and let your child know that you are available to them whenever they need you. This ongoing connection helps foster trust, open communication, and a sense of security in your relationship.

By staying connected, you create a foundation of trust that encourages your child to turn to you for guidance and support. Whether they seek advice, share their experiences, or simply want to connect, being there for them demonstrates your unwavering support and reinforces the bond between you. Remember that even as they navigate adulthood, your presence and support continue to play a vital role in their lives and it will make you a good parent, and this will be the solution of the rigid question how to be a good parent.

If you are still stuck with the thought that how to be a great parent, then hopefully elements of good parenting will help you to understand how to be a great parent.

Good parenting encompasses several essential elements that contribute to the overall well-being and development of children. These elements create a nurturing and supportive environment that can help you understand how to be a good parent. Let’s explore each of these elements in detail, highlighting their significance and impact on parenting.

Support is a fundamental aspect of good parenting. It involves being there for your children, providing assistance when needed, and actively participating in their lives. Supportive parents attend their children’s school events, and extracurricular activities, and take an interest in their daily experiences. By demonstrating genuine care and involvement, parents establish a strong foundation of support that helps children feel valued and encourages them to explore their interests and pursuits.

2. Discipline

Discipline plays a vital role in shaping children’s behavior and character. Effective discipline involves setting clear rules and guidelines that align with the family’s values. These rules are consistently enforced and explained to children, fostering a sense of structure and accountability. 

Consequences for misbehavior are gentle yet logical, helping children understand the connection between their actions and the outcomes they face. Through disciplined guidance, parents teach children important life lessons about responsibility, self-control, and making choices that align with their values.

Routine, structure, and consistency provide a stable framework that contributes to children’s overall development. A predictable routine helps children feel secure and fosters a sense of order in their lives. By establishing consistent daily schedules, parents create an environment where children can thrive, knowing what to expect and when. This stability enhances their emotional well-being and supports healthy growth and development.

Trust is a fundamental element of any healthy parent-child relationship. Good parents trust their children, fostering an environment where open communication and honesty are valued. When trust is broken, parents address the issue through open discussions, providing guidance and discipline while explaining the reasons behind it.

Additionally, parents act in ways that build and maintain trust, ensuring that their words and actions align with their children’s expectations. This mutual trust establishes a strong foundation for healthy relationships and helps children develop integrity and respect for others.

5. Involvement

Involvement is an essential aspect of good parenting. It encompasses actively participating in children’s lives and demonstrating a genuine interest in their well-being. Involved parents set aside dedicated time to engage in activities together, attend school events, and stay informed about their children’s experiences and challenges. 

By being present and engaged, parents establish a sense of connection and support that strengthens the parent-child bond and promotes overall positive development.

6. Positive Approach

Maintaining a positive focus is crucial in good parenting. While acknowledging and processing negative events and situations is important, parents play a significant role in helping children develop a positive perspective.

By highlighting the positive aspects of life and encouraging a forward outlook, parents foster resilience, optimism, and emotional well-being in their children. This positive focus enables children to approach challenges with a growth mindset and develop the necessary skills to overcome obstacles.

7. Guidance

Guidance is another fundamental element of good parenting. It involves providing children with appropriate guidance and support while allowing them to develop independence and make their own decisions. Effective guidance entails striking a balance between offering advice and allowing children to learn from their experiences. 

Good parents avoid excessive control, micromanagement, or hovering over their children, instead empowering them to take responsibility for their actions and learn valuable life lessons along the way.

8. Responsibility

Responsibility is a key aspect of good parenting that contributes to children’s growth and development. Parents gradually assign age-appropriate tasks and chores to their children, promoting a sense of responsibility and instilling a healthy work ethic.

As children grow, their responsibilities increase, allowing them to develop essential life skills and a sense of competence. By nurturing a culture of responsibility, parents set their children on a path toward independence and success.

These elements lay the foundation for healthy relationships, positive character traits, and a strong sense of self. By embracing these principles, parents can navigate the joys and challenges of raising children, ultimately shaping them into confident, compassionate, and capable individuals ready to navigate the world with resilience and purpose.

As a parent, it is crucial to recognize the importance of your role in your children’s lives and not to settle with just how to be a good parent, but, how to be a great parent. You are not only their caregiver but also a significant influence on their character development. Good parenting is not an innate ability that some parents possess while others do not; it is a skill set that can be nurtured and honed over time. 

Developing effective parenting skills requires patience and continuous practice. It is a journey that involves learning from both successes and challenges. However, the effort invested in becoming a better parent is undoubtedly worthwhile. 

The elements of good parenting serve as a shield against various issues that can arise during childhood, adolescence, and even into adulthood. When parents practice these elements consistently, they can help prevent common problems such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and substance abuse. 

By fostering a nurturing and supportive environment, parents provide their children with the tools and resilience needed to navigate life’s challenges successfully.

It is important to approach the concept of good parenting by defining how to be a great parent without judgment or labels. Good parenting is not about categorizing parents as either good or bad. Instead, it focuses on the actions and practices parents engage in to raise their children in the best possible way. It is a continuous effort aimed at providing children with a positive upbringing and setting them on a path toward a fulfilling and successful life.

By practicing good parenting, parents create an environment that nurtures and encourages their children to thrive in all aspects of life.

In conclusion, how to be a great parent is a big question and the answer to this is good parenting skills, which can be cultivated by any parent willing to invest the time and effort. It involves practicing the elements of support, discipline, routine, trust, involvement, positive focus, guidance, responsibility, and love.

By embodying these elements, parents become positive influences in their children’s lives, promoting academic success, emotional well-being, and healthy social relationships. Good parenting is a lifelong commitment, continuously evolving as children grow and develop.

Through patience, practice, and a genuine desire to provide the best for their children, parents can navigate the rewarding journey of parenthood, empowering their children to reach their full potential.

Remember, nurturing a strong parent-child relationship involves expressing affection towards your child consistently. Embrace daily hugs and remind them of your love whenever the opportunity arises and after this much knowledge, you won’t even have to think about how to be a great parent.  

Allow your child the freedom to develop their own unique identity, respecting their interests and encouraging them to pursue activities that genuinely resonate with them. Regularly acknowledge and praise their achievements, highlighting their successes, while also using moments of failure as valuable learning experiences.

By implementing these strategies, you can create a supportive environment that fosters your child’s growth, self-esteem, and resilience and all your doubts regarding how to be a great parent will be solved.

_________________________________________________________________________

1. How to be a good parent?

Here are some of the ways to be a good parent such as providing your child with ample affection. Take the initiative to embrace them daily and express your love whenever it crosses your mind. Allow your child to develop their individuality.

2. What does good parenting look like?

Good parenting prioritizes the holistic well-being of children. It encompasses both the present moment of a child’s life and the long-term goal of raising capable individuals who thrive as they transition into adulthood.

3. What makes a good modern parent?

A good modern parent is characterized by various qualities and approaches that cater to the unique challenges and dynamics of today’s world such as adaptability, effective communication, balance, positive discipline, and unconditional love.

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Parenting Gifted Children: 10 Helpful Tips For New Parents!

Parenting gifted children is one of the most difficult challenges a parent can face. Seeing them reach milestones early or become interested in things that are beyond their age group can make you feel proud and hopeful for what they could achieve.

But how do we support a gifted child? How do we keep up with them when it feels like they’re moving at the speed of light, intellectually and otherwise?

This guide will offe

10 Positive Discipline Techniques for Parents That Nurture and Guide!

Being a parent is one of life’s most fulfilling yet testing roles, and discovering effective discipline methods can be a process of trial and error. Positive discipline brings a new angle to parenting that centers on empathy, respect, and understanding in children’s behavior management.

Positive discipline does not advocate punitive measures or authoritarian tactics; instead, it teaches kids while empowering them toward good decision-making to build strong parent-child relations.

This post defines positive discipline and looks at some principles behind it as well as practical steps that can be taken by parents in their day-to-day lives. Let us discover together how transformative positive discipline can be in molding self-assured, caring individ

Inclusive Parenting Explained: 10 Key Benefits You Need to Know

As the world becomes more and more pluralistic, parents are challenged with raising children who have heightened emotional intelligence, empathy, and an awareness of their surroundings. 

One way to do this is through inclusive parenting, a method that surpasses conventional ideas about childrearing. 

This article will provide an extensive examination of the subject matter by discussing its foundations, methods, and advantages. Come along on this voyage that uncovers how powerful inclusive parenting can be in changing our families as well as communities forever.

What is Inclusive Parenting? 

How to get respect from your child: 10 effective ways.

Respect is an essential organically woven thread in the fabric of parenting, shaping the dynamics between caregivers and children. As we go through our struggles of raising children, learning how to get respect from your child can make the all the differenc. 

As caregivers, it’s natural to desire respect from our children, but earning it goes beyond mere authority; it’s about fostering a mutual understanding and appreciation that forms the foundation of a strong parent-child bond.

In this article, we delve into the intricacies of cultivating respectful behavior in children and, in turn, earning their respect. From the fundamental principles of respect to practical strategies for nurturing it in our interactions, we explore how respect shapes children’s development and contributes to their overall well-being.

How To Deal With Arguing Teenagers: 10 Helpful Tips For Parents!

Arguing teenagers is a common story for every household. In homes all over the world, adolescents declare themselves and challenge inflexible limits through tense conversations, higher-pitched voices, and slamming doors. 

It might seem like too much to handle for parents but it is part of being a teenager’s parent. Therefore understanding what causes these arguments and how to resolve them is very important.

In this article, we will discuss common reasons why parents argue with their teenagers and give practical tips on how to stop arguing with your teenager with patience, empathy, and understanding.

5 Most Common Reasons For Arguing With Your Teenager

How to deal with mom guilt: 5 effective tips for mothers.

Learning how to deal with mom guilt can be a very daunting task. This is a deeply entrenched emotion that is ingrained within the fabric of motherhood; putting mothers at a crossroads between their aspirations and realities of being parents.

But what exactly is mom guilt and why does it appear to haunt so many mothers?

In this article, we’ll be delving into the complexities of mom guilt ranging from its common causes to alarming signs, and importantly strategies for how to deal with mom guilt.

Come with us as we peel off the layers of Mom Guilt and empower moms to navigate their way through the intricacies of parenting with more resilience and self-kindness.

What Is Mom Guilt? 

What is a glass child: symptoms, causes, and tips for parents.

Parenting is not always easy, especially when your child seems to have more intense feelings than others. This is where dealing with what is a glass child becomes even harder for parents.

Like a glass that shatters at the slightest touch, these children can feel overwhelmed or disturbed by things that others wouldn’t care about as much. They are passionate and at times can appear to be under their skin so close to exploding.

In this article, I will go over what raising a glass child means, some signs of it happening in your family today, what could cause this sensitivity, and practical ideas for parents on how they can help their sensitive kids flourish. Thus, let us plunge towards the understanding of the world of a glass child.

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Essay on Good Parenting

Students are often asked to write an essay on Good Parenting in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Good Parenting

Understanding good parenting.

Good parenting is like gardening. Just as plants need water and sunlight, children need love and care. Parents who do well listen to their kids, give them time, and show understanding. They guide them like a coach, teaching right from wrong.

Setting Rules

Parents set rules to keep children safe and help them learn good behavior. It’s like playing a game; everyone must know the rules to play fair. Good parents explain why rules are important, which helps children follow them.

Being a Role Model

Children copy what they see. When parents behave well, like being kind and honest, children learn to do the same. It’s like following a recipe; the result is often similar to the example.

Support and Encouragement

Good parents cheer for their kids, like fans at a sports game. They celebrate successes and give comfort when things don’t go well. This support helps children try new things and keep going, even when it’s hard.

250 Words Essay on Good Parenting

Good parenting is like planting a seed and caring for it to grow into a strong tree. It means guiding children with love so they can become their best selves. Parents who do well often listen to their kids, give them time, and set clear rules that are fair.

Love and Support

A big part of good parenting is showing love. This does not just mean saying “I love you” but also doing things that make a child feel safe and cared for. When parents cheer their kids on and help them when they fall, children learn to trust and feel confident.

Setting Limits

Parents need to set rules. This helps children learn right from wrong. The rules should be clear and the same every day. When children know the rules and what happens if they don’t follow them, they feel secure and know what to expect.

Encouraging Growth

Good parents let their children try new things. They teach them to work hard and not give up. By allowing kids to make small mistakes, they help them learn and get better. It’s like learning to ride a bike – falling is part of learning to balance.

Children watch what their parents do. When parents act kindly and honestly, their children are likely to do the same. It’s important for parents to show the behavior they want to see in their kids.

In short, good parenting is about love, teaching, and setting an example. It helps children grow up to be happy and good people.

500 Words Essay on Good Parenting

Good parenting is like planting a seed and caring for it to grow into a strong, healthy tree. It means giving children love, attention, and the right guidance so they can become the best they can be. Parents who do a good job do not just give their children food and a home. They also help them learn good habits, make good choices, and understand the difference between right and wrong.

The first part of good parenting is giving lots of love and support. This does not mean buying kids everything they want, but showing them they are loved no matter what. It means hugging them, listening to their stories, and being there when they are scared or upset. It is like being their cheerleader in life, always encouraging them to try hard and do well.

Good parents set rules and limits. They tell their children what is okay and what is not. This helps kids feel safe and understand what is expected of them. Rules about bedtime, homework, and how to treat others are all important. When children know the rules, they learn how to behave in different situations.

Teaching Responsibility

Parents also teach their kids to be responsible. This means giving them small jobs to do, like cleaning up toys or helping to set the table. When children have tasks, they learn how to take care of things and understand that their actions matter. It helps them grow up to be adults who can look after themselves and others.

Being a Good Example

Children watch everything their parents do. That is why good parents try to be good examples. They say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, treat people with kindness, and work hard. When kids see this, they want to act the same way. It is like showing them a path to walk on, one that leads to being a good person.

Listening and Talking

Good parents spend time listening to their children and talking with them. They ask about school, friends, and how they feel. When parents listen, children feel important and know their thoughts and feelings matter. Talking with kids also helps parents understand their children better and build a strong bond.

Encouraging Interests

Every child is different and has things they like to do. Good parents notice what their children enjoy and help them do more of it. If a child likes drawing, they give them paper and crayons. If they like sports, they play with them or take them to games. This helps children learn more about what they love and become more skilled and confident.

Good parenting is about love, rules, teaching, being a good example, listening, and encouraging. It is not always easy, but it is one of the most important jobs in the world. When parents do these things, children have a better chance of growing up happy, healthy, and ready to do well in life. It is like building a strong foundation for a house. With a good base, the house can stand tall and face any storm. That is what good parenting does for children. It gives them the foundation they need to build a good life.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

• Essay on Good Leader
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Narrative Essay: I Love My Parents

Parents are the closest people that we have in our lives, whether we realize it or not. They love us not because we are smart, beautiful, successful or we have a good sense of humour, but just because we are their children. I, too, love mom and dad simply because they are my parents, but I think I would have felt the same even if they weren’t. I love who they are as people, each with their own individual traits – and, together, forming an amazing super-team that’s made me who I am today and taught me what life is all about.

My mother is a cheerful, chatty perfectionist who seems to always find something to get excited about and who can talk for hours about animals and flowers. She is never afraid to speak her mind and she can be very convincing when she wants to. She sometimes get upset a bit too easily, but she is just as quick to forgive and forget. I love mom for all that she is – even when she’s angry – for all that she has done for me, and for all that she’s taught me. My mom has been through a lot throughout the years, but she always kept fighting.She taught me to never lose hope even in the direst of moments, and she showed me how to look for happiness in the small things. She’s been trying to teach me to be more organized as well, but hasn’t succeeded yet. I love her for that too.

My father is quiet, patient and calm, and he has an adorable hit-and-miss sense of humour. I may not always find his jokes that funny, but I love him for trying. Dad almost never gets angry and he is always polite, friendly and nice to everyone. He is not the one to verbalize emotions, but he always shows his feelings through sweet gestures and little surprizes. He is the pacifist in our family and never goes against mom’s wishes, but he runs a large company witha firm hand. I love my father for all these characteristics and for all he’s sacrificed to build a better life for us. He’s worked day and night to ensure we afford good education and have a rich, wonderful childhood, and he has passed up many great opportunities for the benefit of our family. I love dad because he’s taught me that you cannot have it all in life, but with hard work and dedication, you can have what matters most to you.

Mom and dad may be very different people, but they complement each other perfectly. Together, they formed a super-team that was always there – and, thankfully, still is – to provide comfort, nurturing, and support and help me grow as a person. Their complementary personalities bring balance in our family, and each of them steps in whenever they are needed the most. Together, they taught me to believe in myself and have turned me into a fighter. Their care and dedication towards me and each other has served as an example of what healthy relationships should be like, and I love and admire them for that.

I love my parents because they are my parents, my good friends, my heroes, my role models, my safe haven, my pillars of strength.I am who I am today thanks to them, and I know that their support and affection will play an essential role in what I will become in the future.All I can hope is that, when I have children of my own, I will be half as good a parent as they were to me.

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Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 (2016)

Chapter: 1 introduction, 1 introduction.

Parents are among the most important people in the lives of young children. 1 From birth, children are learning and rely on mothers and fathers, as well as other caregivers acting in the parenting role, to protect and care for them and to chart a trajectory that promotes their overall well-being. While parents generally are filled with anticipation about their children’s unfolding personalities, many also lack knowledge about how best to provide for them. Becoming a parent is usually a welcomed event, but in some cases, parents’ lives are fraught with problems and uncertainty regarding their ability to ensure their child’s physical, emotional, or economic well-being.

At the same time, this study was fundamentally informed by recognition that the task of ensuring children’s healthy development does not rest solely with parents or families. It lies as well with governments and organizations at the local/community, state, and national levels that provide programs and services to support parents and families. Society benefits socially and economically from providing current and future generations of parents with the support they need to raise healthy and thriving children ( Karoly et al., 2005 ; Lee et al., 2015 ). In short, when parents and other caregivers are able to support young children, children’s lives are enriched, and society is advantaged by their contributions.

To ensure positive experiences for their children, parents draw on the resources of which they are aware or that are at their immediate disposal.

___________________

1 In this report, “parents” refers to the primary caregivers of young children in the home. In addition to biological and adoptive parents, main caregivers may include kinship (e.g., grandparents), foster, and other types of caregivers.

However, these resources may vary in number, availability, and quality at best, and at worst may be offered sporadically or not at all. Resources may be close at hand (e.g., family members), or they may be remote (e.g., government programs). They may be too expensive to access, or they may be substantively inadequate. Whether located in early childhood programs, school-based classrooms, well-child clinics, or family networks, support for parents of young children is critical to enhancing healthy early childhood experiences, promoting positive outcomes for children, and helping parents build strong relationships with their children (see Box 1-1 ).

The parent-child relationship that the parent described in Box 1-1 sought and continues to work toward is central to children’s growth and

development—to their social-emotional and cognitive functioning, school success, and mental and physical health. Experiences during early childhood affect children’s well-being over the course of their lives. The impact of parents may never be greater than during the earliest years of life, when children’s brains are developing rapidly and when nearly all of their experiences are created and shaped by their parents and by the positive or difficult circumstances in which the parents find themselves. Parents play a significant role in helping children build and refine their knowledge and skills, as well as their learning expectations, beliefs, goals, and coping strategies. Parents introduce children to the social world where they develop understandings of themselves and their place and value in society, understandings that influence their choices and experiences over the life course.

PURPOSE OF THIS STUDY

Over the past several decades, researchers have identified parenting-related knowledge, attitudes, and practices that are associated with improved developmental outcomes for children and around which parenting-related programs, policies, and messaging initiatives can be designed. However, consensus is lacking on the elements of parenting that are most important to promoting child well-being, and what is known about effective parenting has not always been adequately integrated across different service sectors to give all parents the information and support they need. Moreover, knowledge about effective parenting has not been effectively incorporated into policy, which has resulted in a lack of coordinated and targeted efforts aimed at supporting parents.

Several challenges to the implementation of effective parenting practices exist as well. One concerns the scope and complexity of hardships that influence parents’ use of knowledge, about effective parenting, including their ability to translate that knowledge into effective parenting practices and their access to and participation in evidence-based parenting-related programs and services. Many families in the United States are affected by such hardships, which include poverty, parental mental illness and substance use, and violence in the home. A second challenge is inadequate attention to identifying effective strategies for engaging and utilizing the strengths of fathers, discussed later in this chapter and elsewhere in this report. Even more limited is the understanding of how mothers, fathers, and other caregivers together promote their children’s development and analysis of the effects of fathers’ parenting on child outcomes. A third challenge is limited knowledge of exactly how culture and the direct effects of racial discrimination influence childrearing beliefs and practices or children’s development ( National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, 2000 ). Despite acknowledgment of and attention to the importance of culture in

the field of developmental science, few studies have explored differences in parenting among demographic communities that vary in race and ethnicity, culture, and immigrant experience, among other factors, and the implications for children’s development.

In addition, the issue of poverty persists, with low-income working families being particularly vulnerable to policy and economic shifts. Although these families have benefited in recent years from the expansion of programs and policies aimed at supporting them (discussed further below), the number of children living in deep poverty has increased ( Sherman and Trisi, 2014 ). 2 Moreover, the portrait of America’s parents and children has changed over the past 50 years as a result of shifts in the numbers and origins of immigrants to the United States and in the nation’s racial, ethnic, and cultural composition ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ; Migration Policy Institute, 2016 ). Family structure also has grown increasingly diverse across class, race, and ethnicity, with fewer children now being raised in households with two married parents; more living with same-sex parents; and more living with kinship caregivers, such as grandparents, and in other household arrangements ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ). Lastly, parenting increasingly is being shaped by technology and greater access to information about parenting, some of which is not based in evidence and much of which is only now being studied closely.

The above changes in the nation’s demographic, economic, and technological landscape, discussed in greater detail below, have created new opportunities and challenges with respect to supporting parents of young children. Indeed, funding has increased for some programs designed to support children and families. At the state and federal levels, policy makers recently have funded new initiatives aimed at expanding early childhood education ( Barnett et al., 2015 ). Over the past several years, the number of states offering some form of publicly funded prekindergarten program has risen to 39, and after slight dips during the Great Recession of 2008, within-state funding of these programs has been increasing ( Barnett et al., 2015 ). Furthermore, the 2016 federal budget allocates about $750 million for state-based preschool development grants focused on improved access and better quality of care and an additional $1 billion for Head Start programs ( U.S. Department of Education, 2015 ; U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2015 ). The federal budget also includes additional funding for the expansion of early childhood home visiting programs ($15 billion over the next 10 years) and increased access to child care for low-income working families ($28 billion over 10 years) ( U.S. Department

2 Deep poverty is defined as household income that is 50 percent or more below the federal poverty level (FPL). In 2015, the FPL for a four-person household was $24,250 ( Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation, 2015 ).

of Health and Human Services, 2015 ). Low-income children and families have been aided as well in recent years by increased economic support from government in the form of both cash benefits (e.g., the Earned Income Tax Credit and the Child Tax Credit) and noncash benefits (e.g., Temporary Assistance for Needy Families and the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program), and millions of children and their families have moved out of poverty as a result ( Sherman and Trisi, 2014 ).

It is against this backdrop of need and opportunity that the Administration for Children and Families, the Bezos Family Foundation, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the David and Lucile Packard Foundation, the Health Resources and Services Administration, the U.S. Department of Education, the Foundation for Child Development, the Heising-Simons Foundation, and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) requested that the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine empanel a committee to conduct a study to examine the state of the science with respect to parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices tied to positive parent-child interactions and child outcomes and strategies for supporting them among parents of young children ages 0-8. The purpose of this study was to provide a roadmap for the future of parenting and family support policies, practices, and research in the United States.

The statement of task for the Committee on Supporting the Parents of Young Children is presented in Box 1-2 . The committee was tasked with describing barriers to and facilitators for strengthening parenting capacity and parents’ participation and retention in salient programs and services. The committee was asked to assess the evidence and then make recommendations whose implementation would promote wide-scale adoption of effective strategies for enabling the identified knowledge, attitudes, and practices. Given the multi- and interdisciplinary nature of the study task, the 18-member committee comprised individuals with an array of expertise, including child development, early childhood education, developmental and educational psychology, child psychiatry, social work, family engagement research, pediatric medicine, public and health policy, health communications, implementation science, law, and economics (see Appendix D for biosketches of the committee members).

WHAT IS PARENTING?

Conceptions of who parents are and what constitute the best conditions for raising children vary widely. From classic anthropological and human development perspectives, parenting often is defined as a primary mechanism of socialization, that is, a primary means of training and preparing children to meet the demands of their environments and take advantage

of opportunities within those environments. As Bornstein (1991, p. 6) explains, the “particular and continuing task of parents and other caregivers is to enculturate children . . . to prepare them for socially accepted physical, economic, and psychological situations that are characteristic of the culture in which they are to survive and thrive.”

Attachment security is a central aspect of development that has been

defined as a child’s sense of confidence that the caregiver is there to meet his or her needs ( Main and Cassidy, 1988 ). All children develop attachments with their parents, but how parents interact with their young children, including the extent to which they respond appropriately and consistently to their children’s needs, particularly in times of distress, influences whether the attachment relationship that develops is secure or insecure. Young chil-

dren who are securely attached to their parents are provided a solid foundation for healthy development, including the establishment of strong peer relationships and the ability to empathize with others ( Bowlby, 1978 ; Chen et al., 2012 ; Holmes, 2006 ; Main and Cassidy, 1988 ; Murphy and Laible, 2013 ). Conversely, young children who do not become securely attached with a primary caregiver (e.g., as a result of maltreatment or separation) may develop insecure behaviors in childhood and potentially suffer other adverse outcomes over the life course, such as mental health disorders and disruption in other social and emotional domains ( Ainsworth and Bell, 1970 ; Bowlby, 2008 ; Schore, 2005 ).

More recently, developmental psychologists and economists have described parents as investing resources in their children in anticipation of promoting the children’s social, economic, and psychological well-being. Kalil and DeLeire (2004) characterize this promotion of children’s healthy development as taking two forms: (1) material, monetary, social, and psychological resources and (2) provision of support, guidance, warmth, and love. Bradley and Corwyn (2004) characterize the goals of these investments as helping children successfully regulate biological, cognitive, and social-emotional functioning.

Parents possess different levels and quality of access to knowledge that can guide the formation of their parenting attitudes and practices. As discussed in greater detail in Chapter 2 , the parenting practices in which parents engage are influenced and informed by their knowledge, including facts and other information relevant to parenting, as well as skills gained through experience or education. Parenting practices also are influenced by attitudes, which in this context refer to parents’ viewpoints, perspectives, reactions, or settled ways of thinking with respect to the roles and importance of parents and parenting in children’s development, as well as parents’ responsibilities. Attitudes may be part of a set of beliefs shared within a cultural group and founded in common experiences, and they often direct the transformation of knowledge into practice.

Parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices are shaped, in part, by parents’ own experiences (including those from their own childhood) and circumstances; expectations and practices learned from others, such as family, friends, and other social networks; and beliefs transferred through cultural and social systems. Parenting also is shaped by the availability of supports within the larger community and provided by institutions, as well as by policies that affect the availability of supportive services.

Along with the multiple sources of parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices and their diversity among parents, it is important to acknowledge the diverse influences on the lives of children. While parents are central to children’ development, other influences, such as relatives, close family friends, teachers, community members, peers, and social institutions, also

contribute to children’s growth and development. Children themselves are perhaps the most essential contributors to their own development. Thus, the science of parenting is framed within the theoretical perspective that parenting unfolds in particular contexts; is embedded in a network of relationships within and outside of the family; and is fluid and continuous, changing over time as children and parents grow and develop.

In addition, it is important to recognize that parenting affects not only children but also parents themselves. For instance, parenting can enrich and give focus to parents’ lives; generate stress or calm; compete for time with work or leisure; and create combinations of any number of emotions, including happiness, sadness, fulfillment, and anger.

STUDY CONTEXT

As attention to early childhood development has increased over the past 20 years, so, too, has attention to those who care for young children. A recent Institute of Medicine and National Research Council report on the early childhood workforce ( Institute of Medicine and National Research Council, 2015 ) illustrates the heightened focus not only on whether young children have opportunities to be exposed to healthy environments and supports but also on the people who provide those supports. Indeed, an important responsibility of parents is identifying those who will care for their children in their absence. Those individuals may include family members and others in parents’ immediate circle, but they increasingly include non-family members who provide care and education in formal and informal settings outside the home, such as schools and home daycare centers.

Throughout its deliberations, the committee considered several questions relevant to its charge: What knowledge and attitudes do parents of young children bring to the task of parenting? How are parents engaged with their young children, and how do the circumstances and behaviors of both parents and children influence the parent-child relationship? What types of support further enhance the natural resources and skills that parents bring to the parenting role? How do parents function and make use of their familial and community resources? What policies and resources at the local, state, and federal levels assist parents? What practices do they expect those resources to reinforce, and from what knowledge and attitudes are those practices derived? On whom or what do they rely in the absence of those resources? What serves as an incentive for participation in parenting programs? How are the issues of parenting different or the same across culture and race? What factors constrain parents’ positive relationships with their children, and what research is needed to advance agendas that can help parents sustain such relationships?

The committee also considered research in the field of neuroscience,

which further supports the foundational role of early experiences in healthy development, with effects across the life course ( Center on the Developing Child, 2007 ; National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, 2009 ; World Health Organization, 2015 ). During early childhood, the brain undergoes a rapid development that lays the foundation for a child’s lifelong learning capacity and emotional and behavioral health (see Figure 1-1 ). This research has provided a more nuanced understanding of the importance of investments in early childhood and parenting. Moreover, advances in analyses of epigenetic effects on early brain development demonstrate consequences of parenting for neural development at the level of DNA, and suggest indirect consequences of family conditions such as poverty that operate on early child development, in part, through the epigenetic consequences of parenting ( Lipinia and Segretin, 2015 ).

This report comes at a time of flux in public policies aimed at supporting parents and their young children. The cost to parents of supporting their children’s healthy development (e.g., the cost of housing, health care, child care, and education) has increased at rates that in many cases have offset the improvements and increases provided for by public policies. As noted above, for example, the number of children living in deep poverty has grown since the mid-1990s ( Sherman and Trisi, 2014 ). While children represent approximately one-quarter of the country’s population, they make up 32 percent of all the country’s citizens who live in poverty ( Child Trends Databank, 2015a ). About one in every five children in the United States is now growing up in families with incomes below the poverty line, and 9 percent of children live in deep poverty (families with incomes below 50%

of the poverty line) ( Child Trends Databank, 2015a ). The risk of growing up poor continues to be particularly high for children in female-headed households; in 2013, approximately 55 percent of children under age 6 in such households lived at or below the poverty threshold, compared with 10 percent of children in married couple families ( DeNavas-Walt and Proctor, 2014 ). Black and Hispanic children are more likely to live in deep poverty (18 and 13%, respectively) compared with Asian and white children (5% each) ( Child Trends Databank, 2015a ). Also noteworthy is that child care policy, including the recent increases in funding for low-income families, ties child care subsidies to employment. Unemployed parents out of school are not eligible, and job loss results in subsidy loss and, in turn, instability in child care arrangements for young children ( Ha et al., 2012 ).

As noted earlier, this report also comes at a time of rapid change in the demographic composition of the country. This change necessitates new understandings of the norms and values within and among groups, the ways in which recent immigrants transition to life in the United States, and the approaches used by diverse cultural and ethnic communities to engage their children during early childhood and utilize institutions that offer them support in carrying out that role. The United States now has the largest absolute number of immigrants in its history ( Grieco et al., 2012 ; Passel and Cohn, 2012 ; U.S. Census Bureau, 2011 ), and the proportion of foreign-born residents today (13.1%) is nearly as high as it was at the turn of the 20th century ( National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, 2015 ). As of 2014, 25 percent of children ages 0-5 in the United States had at least one immigrant parent, compared with 13.5 percent in 1990 ( Migration Policy Institute, 2016 ). 3 In many urban centers, such as Los Angeles, Miami, and New York City, the majority of the student body of public schools is first- or second-generation immigrant children ( Suárez-Orozco et al., 2008 ).

Immigrants to the United States vary in their countries of origin, their reception in different communities, and the resources available to them. Researchers increasingly have called attention to the wide variation not only among but also within immigrant groups, including varying premigration histories, familiarity with U.S. institutions and culture, and childrearing

3 Shifting demographics in the United States have resulted in increased pressure for service providers to meet the needs of all children and families in a culturally sensitive manner. In many cases, community-level changes have overwhelmed the capacity of local child care providers and health service workers to respond to the language barriers and cultural parenting practices of the newly arriving immigrant groups, particularly if they have endured trauma. For example, many U.S. communities have worked to address the needs of the growing Hispanic population, but it has been documented that in some cases, eligible Latinos are “less likely to access available social services than other populations” ( Helms et al., 2015 ; Wildsmith et al., 2016 ).

strategies ( Crosnoe, 2006 ; Fuller and García Coll, 2010 ; Galindo and Fuller, 2010 ; Suárez-Orozco et al., 2010 ; Takanishi, 2004 ). Immigrants often bring valuable social and human capital to the United States, including unique competencies and sociocultural strengths. Indeed, many young immigrant children display health and learning outcomes better than those of children of native-born parents in similar socioeconomic positions ( Crosnoe, 2013 ). At the same time, however, children with immigrant parents are more likely than children in native-born families to grow up poor ( Hernandez et al., 2008 , 2012 ; National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, 2015 ; Raphael and Smolensky, 2009 ). Immigrant parents’ efforts to raise healthy children also can be thwarted by barriers to integration that include language, documentation, and discrimination ( Hernandez et al., 2012 ; Yoshikawa, 2011 ).

The increase in the nation’s racial and ethnic diversity over the past several decades, related in part to immigration, is a trend that is expected to continue ( Colby and Ortman, 2015 ; Taylor, 2014 ). Between 2000 and 2010, the percentage of Americans identifying as black, Hispanic, Asian, or “other” increased from 15 percent to 36 percent of the population ( U.S. Census Bureau, 2011 ). Over this same time, the percentage of non-Hispanic white children under age 10 declined from 60 percent to 52 percent, while the percentage of Hispanic ethnicity (of any race) grew from about 19 percent to 25 percent ( U.S. Census Bureau, 2011 ); the percentages of black/African American, American Indian/Alaska Native, and Asian children under age 10 remained relatively steady (at about 15%, 1%, and 4-5%, respectively); and the percentages of children in this age group identifying as two or more races increased from 3 percent to 5 percent ( U.S. Census Bureau, 2011 ).

The above-noted shifts in the demographic landscape with regard to family structure, including increases in divorce rates and cohabitation, new types of parental relationships, and the involvement of grandparents and other relatives in the raising of children ( Cancian and Reed, 2008 ; Fremstad and Boteach, 2015 ), have implications for how best to support families. Between 1960 and 2014, the percentage of children under age 18 who lived with two married parents (biological, nonbiological, or adoptive) decreased from approximately 85 percent to 64 percent. In 1960, 8 percent of children lived in households headed by single mothers; by 2014, that figure had tripled to about 24 percent ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ; U.S. Census Bureau, 2016 ). Meanwhile, the proportions of children living with only their fathers or with neither parent (with either relatives or non-relatives) have remained relatively steady since the mid-1980s, at about 4 percent (see Figure 1-2 ). Black children are significantly more likely to live in households headed by single mothers and also are more likely to live in households where neither parent is present. In 2014, 34 percent of black

children lived with two parents, compared with 58 percent of Hispanic children, 75 percent of white children, and 85 percent of Asian children ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ).

From 1996 to 2015, the number of cohabiting couples with children rose from 1.2 million to 3.3 million ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ). Moreover, data from the National Health Interview Survey show that in 2013, 30,000 children under age 18 had married same-sex parents and 170,000 had unmarried same-sex parents, and between 1.1 and 2.0 million were being raised by a parent who identified as lesbian, gay, or bisexual but was not part of a couple ( Gates, 2014 ).

More families than in years past rely on kinship care (full-time care of children by family members other than parents or other adults with whom children have a family-like relationship). When parents are unable to care for their children because of illness, military deployment, incarceration, child abuse, or other reasons, kinship care can help cultivate familial and community bonds, as well as provide children with a sense of stability and belonging ( Annie E. Casey Foundation, 2012 ; Winokur et al., 2014 ). It is estimated that the number of children in kinship care grew six times the rate of the number of children in the general population over the past decade ( Annie E. Casey Foundation, 2012 ). In 2014, 7 percent of children lived in households headed by grandparents, as compared with 3 percent in 1970 ( Child Trends Databank, 2015b ), and as of 2012, about 10 percent of American children lived in a household where a grandparent was present ( Ellis and Simmons, 2014 ). Black children are twice as likely as the overall population of children to live in kinship arrangements, with about 20 percent of black children spending time in kinship care at some point

during their childhood ( Annie E. Casey Foundation, 2012 ). Beyond kinship care, about 400,000 U.S. children under age 18 are in foster care with about one-quarter of these children living with relatives ( Child Trends Databank, 2015c ). Of the total number of children in foster care, 7 percent are under age 1, 33 percent are ages 1-5, and 23 percent are ages 6-10 ( Child Trends Databank, 2015c ). Other information about the structure of American families is more difficult to come by. For example, there is a lack of data with which to assess trends in the number of children who are raised by extended family members through informal arrangements as opposed to through the foster care system.

As noted earlier, fathers, including biological fathers and other male caregivers, have historically been underrepresented in parenting research despite their essential role in the development of young children. Young children with involved and nurturing fathers develop better linguistic and cognitive skills and capacities, including academic readiness, and are more emotionally secure and have better social connections with peers as they get older ( Cabrera and Tamis-LeMonda, 2013 ; Harris and Marmer, 1996 ; Lamb, 2004 ; Pruett, 2000 ; Rosenberg and Wilcox, 2006 ; Yeung et al., 2000 ). Conversely, children with disengaged fathers have been found to be more likely to develop behavioral problems ( Amato and Rivera, 1999 ; Ramchandani et al., 2013 ). With both societal shifts in gender roles and increased attention to fathers’ involvement in childrearing in recent years, fathers have assumed greater roles in the daily activities associated with raising young children, such as preparing and eating meals with them, reading to and playing and talking with them, and helping them with homework ( Bianchi et al., 2007 ; Cabrera et al., 2011 ; Jones and Mosher, 2013 ; Livingston and Parker, 2011 ). In two-parent families, 16 percent of fathers were stay-at-home parents in 2012, compared with 10 percent in 1989; 21 percent of these fathers stayed home specifically to care for their home or family, up from 5 percent in 1989 ( Livingston, 2014 ). At the same time, however, fewer fathers now live with their biological children because of increases in nonmarital childbearing (U.S. Census Bureau, 2015).

In addition, as alluded to earlier, parents of young children face trans-formative changes in technology that can have a strong impact on parenting and family life ( Collier, 2014 ). Research conducted by the Pew Internet and American Life Project shows that, relative to other household configurations, married parents with children under age 18 use the Internet and cell phones, own computers, and adopt broadband at higher rates ( Duggan and Lenhart, 2015 ). Other types of households, however, such as single-parent and unmarried multiadult households, also show high usage of technology, particularly text messaging and social media ( Smith, 2015 ). Research by the Pew Research Center (2014) shows that many parents—25 percent in

one survey ( Duggan et al., 2015 )—view social media as a useful source of parenting information.

At the same time, however, parents also are saturated with information and faced with the difficulty of distinguishing valid information from fallacies and myths about raising children ( Aubrun and Grady, 2003 ; Center on Media and Human Development, 2014 ; Dworkin et al., 2013 ; Future of Children, 2008 ). Given the number and magnitude of innovations in media and communications technologies, parents may struggle with understanding the optimal use of technology in the lives of their children.

Despite engagement with Internet resources, parents still report turning to family, friends, and physicians more often than to online sources such as Websites, blogs, and social network sites for parenting advice ( Center on Media and Human Development, 2014 ). Although many reports allude to the potentially harmful effects of media and technology, parents generally do not report having many concerns or family conflicts regarding their children’s media use. On the other hand, studies have confirmed parents’ fears about an association between children’s exposure to violence in media and increased anxiety ( Funk, 2005 ), desensitization to violence ( Engelhardt et al., 2011 ), and aggression ( Willoughby et al., 2012 ). And although the relationship between media use and childhood obesity is challenging to disentangle, studies have found that children who spend more time with media are more likely to be overweight than children who do not (see Chapter 2 ) ( Bickham et al., 2013 ; Institute of Medicine, 2011 ; Kaiser Family Foundation, 2004 ).

The benefits of the information age have included reduced barriers to knowledge for both socially advantaged and disadvantaged groups. Yet despite rapidly decreasing costs of many technologies (e.g., smartphones, tablets, and computers), parents of lower socioeconomic position and from racial and ethnic minority groups are less likely to have access to and take advantage of these resources ( Center on Media and Human Development, 2014 ; File and Ryan, 2014 ; Institute of Medicine, 2006 ; Perrin and Duggan, 2015 ; Smith, 2015 ; Viswanath et al., 2012 ). A digital divide also exists between single-parent and two-parent households, as the cost of a computer and monthly Internet service can be more of a financial burden for the former families, which on average have lower household incomes ( Allen and Rainie, 2002 ; Dworkin et al., 2013 ).

STUDY APPROACH

The committee’s approach to its charge consisted of a review of the evidence in the scientific literature and several other information-gathering activities.

Evidence Review

The committee conducted an extensive review of the scientific literature pertaining to the questions raised in its statement of task ( Box 1-2 ). It did not undertake a full review of all parenting-related studies because it was tasked with providing a targeted report that would direct stakeholders to best practices and succinctly capture the state of the science. The committee’s literature review entailed English-language searches of databases including, but not limited to, the Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, Medline, the Education Resources Information Center (ERIC), PsycINFO, Scopus, and Web of Science. Additional literature and other resources were identified by committee members and project staff using traditional academic research methods and online searches. The committee focused its review on research published in peer-reviewed journals and books (including individual studies, review articles, and meta-analyses), as well as reports issued by government agencies and other organizations. The committee’s review was concentrated primarily, although not entirely, on research conducted in the United States, occasionally drawing on research from other Western countries (e.g., Germany and Australia), and rarely on research from other countries.

In reviewing the literature and formulating its conclusions and recommendations, the committee considered several, sometimes competing, dimensions of empirical work: internal validity, external validity, practical significance, and issues of implementation, such as scale-up with fidelity ( Duncan et al., 2007 ; McCartney and Rosenthal, 2000 ; Rosenthal and Rosnow, 2007 ).

With regard to internal validity , the committee viewed random-assignment experiments as the primary model for establishing cause- and-effect relationships between variables with manipulable causes (e.g., Rosenthal and Rosnow, 2007 ; Shadish et al., 2001 ). Given the relatively limited body of evidence from experimental studies in the parenting literature, however, the committee also considered findings from quasi-experimental studies (including those using regression discontinuity, instrumental variables, and difference-in-difference techniques based on natural experiments) ( Duncan et al., 2007 ; Foster, 2010 ; McCartney et al., 2006 ) and from observational studies, a method that can be used to test logical propositions inherent to causal inference, rule out potential sources of bias, and assess the sensitivity of results to assumptions regarding study design and measurement. These include longitudinal studies and limited cross-sectional studies. Although quasi- and nonexperimental studies may fail to meet the “gold standard” of randomized controlled trials for causal inference, studies with a variety of internal validity strengths and weaknesses can collectively provide useful evidence on causal influences ( Duncan et al., 2014 ).

When there are different sources of evidence, often with some differences in estimates of the strength of the evidence, the committee used its collective experience to integrate the information and draw reasoned conclusions.

With regard to external validity , the committee attempted to take into account the extent to which findings can be generalized across population groups and situations. This entailed considering the demographic, socioeconomic, and other characteristics of study participants; whether variables were assessed in the real-world contexts in which parents and children live (e.g., in the home, school, community); whether study findings build the knowledge base with regard to both efficacy (i.e., internal validity in highly controlled settings) and effectiveness (i.e., positive net treatment effects in ecologically valid settings); and issues of cultural competence ( Bracht and Glass, 1968 ; Bronfenbrenner, 2009 ; Cook and Campbell, 1979 ; Harrison and List, 2004 ; Lerner et al., 2000 ; Rosenthal and Rosnow, 2007 ; Whaley and Davis, 2007 ). However, the research literature is limited in the extent to which generalizations across population groups and situations are examined.

With regard to practical significance , the committee considered the magnitude of likely causal impacts within both an empirical context (i.e., measurement, design, and method) and an economic context (i.e., benefits relative to costs), and with attention to the salience of outcomes (e.g., how important an outcome is for promoting child well-being) ( Duncan et al., 2007 ; McCartney and Rosenthal, 2000 ). As discussed elsewhere in this report, however, the committee found limited economic evidence with which to draw conclusions about investing in interventions at scale or to weigh the costs and benefits of interventions. (See the discussion of other information-gathering activities below.) Also with respect to practical significance, the committee considered the manipulability of the variables under consideration in real-world contexts, given that the practical significance of study results depend on whether the variables examined are represented or experienced commonly or uncommonly among particular families ( Fabes et al., 2000 ).

Finally, the committee took into account issues of implementation , such as whether interventions can be brought to and sustained at scale ( Durlak and DuPre, 2008 ; Halle et al., 2013 ). Experts in the field of implementation science emphasize not only the evidence behind programs but also the fundamental roles of scale-up, dissemination planning, and program monitoring and evaluation. Scale-up in turn requires attending to the ability to implement adaptive program practices in response to heterogeneous, real-world contexts, while also ensuring fidelity for the potent levers of change or prevention ( Franks and Schroeder, 2013 ). Thus, the committee relied on both evidence on scale-up, dissemination, and sustainability from empirically based programs and practices that have been implemented and

evaluated, and more general principles of implementation science, including considerations of capacity and readiness for scale-up and sustainability at the macro (e.g., current national politics) and micro (e.g., community resources) levels.

The review of the evidence conducted for this study, especially pertaining to strategies that work at the universal, targeted, and intensive levels to strengthen parenting capacity (questions 2 and 3 from the committee’s statement of task [ Box 1-2 ]), also entailed searches of several databases that, applying principles similar to those described above, assess the strength of the evidence for parenting-related programs and practices: the National Registry of Evidence-Based Programs and Practices (NREPP), supported by SAMHSA; the California Evidence-Based Clearinghouse for Child Welfare (CEBC), which is funded by the state of California; and Blueprints for Healthy Youth Development, which has multiple funding sources. Although each of these databases is unique with respect to its history, sponsors, and objectives (NREPP covers mental health and substance abuse interventions, CEBC is focused on evidence relevant to child welfare, and Blueprints describes programs designed to promote the health and well-being of children), all are recognized nationally and internationally and undergo a rigorous review process.

The basic principles of evaluation and classification and the processes for classification of evidence-based practices are common across NREPP, CEBC, and Blueprints. Each has two top categories—optimal and promising—for programs and practices (see Appendix B ; see also Burkhardt et al., 2015 ; Means et al., 2015 ; Mihalic and Elliot, 2015 ; Soydan et al., 2010 ). Given the relatively modest investment in research on programs for parents and young children, however, the array of programs that are highly rated remains modest. For this reason, the committee considered as programs with the most robust evidence not only those included in the top two categories of Blueprints and CEBC but also those with an average rating of 3 or higher in NREPP. The committee’s literature searches also captured well-supported programs that are excluded from these databases (e.g., because they are recent and/or have not been submitted for review) but have sound theoretical underpinnings and rely on well-recognized intervention and implementation mechanisms.

Other reputable information sources used in producing specific portions of this report were What Works for Health (within the County Health Rankings and Roadmaps Program, a joint effort of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the University of Wisconsin); the What Works Clearinghouse of the U.S. Department of Education’s Institute of Education Services; and HHS’s Home Visiting Evidence of Effectiveness (HomVEE) review.

In addition, the committee chose to consider findings from research using methodological approaches that are emerging as a source of innovation and improvement. These approaches are gaining momentum in parent-

ing research and are being developed and funded by the federal government and private philanthropy. Examples are breakthrough series collaborative approaches, such as the Home Visiting Collaborative Innovation and Improvement Network to Reduce Infant Mortality, and designs such as factorial experiments that have been used to address topics relevant to this study.

Other Information-Gathering Activities

The committee held two open public information-gathering sessions to hear from researchers, practitioners, parents, and other stakeholders on topics germane to this study and to supplement the expertise of the committee members (see Appendix A for the agendas of these open sessions). Material from these open sessions is referenced in this report where relevant.

As noted above, the committee’s task included making recommendations related to promoting the wide-scale adoption of effective strategies for supporting parents and the salient knowledge, attitudes, and practices. Cost is an important consideration for the implementation of parenting programs at scale. Therefore, the committee commissioned a paper reviewing the available economic evidence for investing in parenting programs at scale to inform its deliberations on this portion of its charge. Findings and excerpts from this paper are integrated throughout Chapters 3 through 6 . The committee also commissioned a second paper summarizing evidence-based strategies used by health care systems and providers to help parents acquire and sustain knowledge, attitudes, and practices that promote healthy child development. The committee drew heavily on this paper in developing sections of the report on universal/preventive and targeted interventions for parents in health care settings. Lastly, a commissioned paper on evidence-based strategies to support parents of children with mental illness formed the basis for a report section on this population. 4

In addition, the committee conducted two sets of group and individual semistructured interviews with parents participating in family support programs at community-based organizations in Omaha, Nebraska, and Washington, D.C. Parents provided feedback on the strengths they bring to parenting, challenges they face, how services for parents can be improved, and ways they prefer to receive parenting information, among other topics. Excerpts from these interviews are presented throughout this report as “Parent Voices” to provide real-world examples of parents’ experiences and to supplement the discussion of particular concepts and the committee’s findings.

4 The papers commissioned by the committee are in the public access file for the study and can be requested at https://www8.nationalacademies.org/cp/ManageRequest.aspx?key=49669 [October 2016].

TERMINOLOGY AND STUDY PARAMETERS

As specified in the statement of task for this study ( Box 1-2 ), the term “parents” refers in this report to those individuals who are the primary caregivers of young children in the home. Therefore, the committee reviewed studies that involved not only biolofical and adoptive parents but also relative/kinship providers (e.g., grandparents), stepparents, foster parents, and other types of caregivers, although research is sparse on unique issues related to nontraditional caregivers. The terms “knowledge,” “attitudes,” and “practices” and the relationships among them were discussed earlier in this chapter, and further detail can be found in Chapter 2 ).

The committee recognized that to a certain degree, ideas about what is considered effective parenting vary across cultures and ecological conditions, including economies, social structures, religious beliefs, and moral values ( Cushman, 1995 ). To address this variation, and in accordance with its charge, the committee examined research on how core parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices differ by specific characteristics of children, parents, and contexts. However, because the research on parenting has traditionally underrepresented several populations (e.g., caregivers other than mothers), the evidence on which the committee could draw to make these comparisons was limited.

The committee interpreted “evidence-based/informed strategies” very broadly as ranging from teaching a specific parenting skill, to manualized parenting programs, to policies that may affect parenting. The term “interventions” is generally used in this report to refer to all types of strategies, while more specific terms (e.g., “program,” “well-child care”) are used to refer to particular types or sets of interventions. Also, recognizing that nearly every facet of society has a role to play in supporting parents and ensuring that children realize their full potential, the committee reviewed not only strategies designed expressly for parents (e.g., parenting skills training) but also, though to a lesser degree, programs and policies not designed specifically for parents that may nevertheless affect an individual’s capacity to parent (e.g., food assistance and housing programs, health care policies).

As noted earlier in this chapter, this report was informed by a life-course perspective on parenting, given evidence from neuroscience and a range of related research that the early years are a critical period in shaping how individuals fare throughout their lives. The committee also aimed to take a strengths/assets-based approach (e.g., to identify strategies that build upon the existing assets of parents), although the extent to which this approach could be applied was limited by the paucity of research examining parenting from this perspective.

GUIDING PRINCIPLES

A number of principles guided this study. First, following the ideas of Dunst and Espe-Sherwindt (2016) , the distinction between two types of family-centered practices—relational and participatory—informed the committee’s thinking. Relational practices are those focused primarily on intervening with families using compassion, active and reflective listening, empathy, and other techniques. Participatory practices are those that actively engage families in decision making and aim to improve families’ capabilities. In addition, family-centered practices focused on the context of successful parenting are a key third form of support for parenting. A premise of the committee is that many interventions with the most troubled families and children will require all these types of services—often delivered concurrently over a lengthy period of time.

Second, many programs are designed to serve families at particular risk for problems related to cognitive and social-emotional development, health, and well-being. Early Head Start and Head Start, for example, are means tested and designed for low-income families most of whom are known to face not just one risk factor (low income) but also others that often cluster together (e.g., living in dangerous neighborhoods, exposure to trauma, social isolation, unfamiliarity with the dominant culture or language). Special populations addressed in this report typically are at very high risk because of this exposure to multiple risk factors. Research has shown that children in such families have the poorest outcomes, in some instances reaching a level of toxic stress that seriously impairs their developmental functioning ( Shonkoff and Garner, 2012 ). Of course, in addition to characterizing developmental risk, it is essential to understand the corresponding adaptive processes and protective factors, as it is the balance of risk and protective factors that determines outcomes. In many ways, supporting parents is one way to attempt to change that balance.

From an intervention point of view, several principles are central. First, intervention strategies need to be designed to have measurable effects over time and to be sustainable. Second, it is necessary to focus on the needs of individual families and to tailor interventions to achieve desired outcomes. The importance of personalized approaches is widely acknowledged in medicine, education, and other areas. An observation perhaps best illustrated in the section on parents of children with developmental disabilities in Chapter 5 , although the committee believes this approach applies to many of the programs described in this report. A corresponding core principle of intervention is viewing parents as equal partners, experts in what both they and their children need. It is important as well that multiple kinds of services for families be integrated and coordinated. As illustrated earlier

in Box 1-1 , families may be receiving interventions from multiple sources delivered in different places, making coordination all the more important.

A useful framework for thinking about interventions is described in the National Research Council and Institute of Medicine (2009) report Preventing Mental, Emotional, and Behavioral Disorders among Young People . Prevention interventions encompass mental health promotion: universal prevention, defined as interventions that are valuable for all children; selected prevention, aimed at populations at high risk (such as children whose parents have mental illness); and indicated prevention, focused on children already manifesting symptoms. Treatment interventions include case identification, standard treatment for known disorders, accordance of long-term treatment with the goal of reduction in relapse or occurrence, and aftercare and rehabilitation ( National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, 2009 ).

The committee recognizes that engaging and retaining children and families in parenting interventions are critical challenges. A key to promoting such engagement may be cultural relevance. Families representing America’s diverse array of cultures, languages, and experiences are likely to derive the greatest benefit from interventions designed and implemented to allow for flexibility.

Finally, the question of widespread implementation and dissemination of parenting interventions is critically important. Given the cost of testing evidence-based parenting programs, the development of additional programs needs to be built on the work that has been done before. Collectively, interventions also are more likely to achieve a significant level of impact if they incorporate some of the elements of prior interventions. In any case, a focus on the principles of implementation and dissemination clearly is needed. As is discussed in this report, the committee calls for more study and experience with respect to taking programs to scale.

REPORT ORGANIZATION

This report is divided into eight chapters. Chapter 2 examines desired outcomes for children and reviews the existing research on parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices that support positive parent-child interactions and child outcomes. Based on the available research, this chapter identifies a set of core knowledge, attitudes, and practices. Chapter 3 provides a brief overview of some of the major federally funded programs and policies that support parents in the United States. Chapters 4 and 5 describe evidence-based and evidence-informed strategies for supporting parents and enabling the identified knowledge, attitudes, and practices, including universal and widely used interventions ( Chapter 4 ) and interventions targeted to parents of children with special needs and parents who themselves face adversities

( Chapter 5 ). Chapter 6 reviews elements of effective programs for strengthening parenting capacity and parents’ participation and retention in effective programs and systems. Chapter 7 describes a national framework for supporting parents of young children. Finally, Chapter 8 presents the committee’s conclusions and recommendations for promoting the wide-scale adoption of effective intervention strategies and parenting practices linked to healthy child outcomes, as well as areas for future research.

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Decades of research have demonstrated that the parent-child dyad and the environment of the family—which includes all primary caregivers—are at the foundation of children's well- being and healthy development. From birth, children are learning and rely on parents and the other caregivers in their lives to protect and care for them. The impact of parents may never be greater than during the earliest years of life, when a child's brain is rapidly developing and when nearly all of her or his experiences are created and shaped by parents and the family environment. Parents help children build and refine their knowledge and skills, charting a trajectory for their health and well-being during childhood and beyond. The experience of parenting also impacts parents themselves. For instance, parenting can enrich and give focus to parents' lives; generate stress or calm; and create any number of emotions, including feelings of happiness, sadness, fulfillment, and anger.

Parenting of young children today takes place in the context of significant ongoing developments. These include: a rapidly growing body of science on early childhood, increases in funding for programs and services for families, changing demographics of the U.S. population, and greater diversity of family structure. Additionally, parenting is increasingly being shaped by technology and increased access to information about parenting.

Parenting Matters identifies parenting knowledge, attitudes, and practices associated with positive developmental outcomes in children ages 0-8; universal/preventive and targeted strategies used in a variety of settings that have been effective with parents of young children and that support the identified knowledge, attitudes, and practices; and barriers to and facilitators for parents' use of practices that lead to healthy child outcomes as well as their participation in effective programs and services. This report makes recommendations directed at an array of stakeholders, for promoting the wide-scale adoption of effective programs and services for parents and on areas that warrant further research to inform policy and practice. It is meant to serve as a roadmap for the future of parenting policy, research, and practice in the United States.

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• My Parents Essay

500 Words Essay On My Parents

We entered this world because of our parents. It is our parents who have given us life and we must learn to be pleased with it. I am grateful to my parents for everything they do for me. Through my parents essay, I wish to convey how valuable they are to me and how much I respect and admire them.

My Strength My Parents Essay

My parents are my strength who support me at every stage of life. I cannot imagine my life without them. My parents are like a guiding light who take me to the right path whenever I get lost.

My mother is a homemaker and she is the strongest woman I know. She helps me with my work and feeds me delicious foods . She was a teacher but left the job to take care of her children.

My mother makes many sacrifices for us that we are not even aware of. She always takes care of us and puts us before herself. She never wakes up late. Moreover, she is like a glue that binds us together as a family.

Parents are the strength and support system of their children. They carry with them so many responsibilities yet they never show it. We must be thankful to have parents in our lives as not everyone is lucky to have them.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

While my mother is always working at home, my father is the one who works outside. He is a kind human who always helps out my mother whenever he can. He is a loving man who helps out the needy too.

My father is a social person who interacts with our neighbours too. Moreover, he is an expert at maintaining his relationship with our relatives. My father works as a businessman and does a lot of hard work.

Even though he is a busy man, he always finds time for us. We spend our off days going to picnics or dinners. I admire my father for doing so much for us without any complaints.

He is a popular man in society as he is always there to help others. Whoever asks for his help, my father always helps them out. Therefore, he is a well-known man and a loving father whom I look up to.

Conclusion of My Parents Essay

I love both my parents with all my heart. They are kind people who have taught their children to be the same. Moreover, even when they have arguments, they always make up without letting it affect us. I aspire to become like my parents and achieve success in life with their blessings.

FAQ of My Parents Essay

Question 1: Why parents are important in our life?

Answer 1: Parents are the most precious gifts anyone can get. However, as not everyone has them, we must consider ourselves lucky if we do. They are the strength and support system of children and help them out always. Moreover, the parents train the children to overcome challenges and make the best decision for us.

Question 2: What do parents mean to us?

Answer 2: Parents mean different things to different people. To most of us, they are our source of happiness and protection. They are the ones who are the closest to us and understand our needs without having to say them out loud. Similarly, they love us unconditionally for who we are without any ifs and buts.

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Good Parent-Children Relationship Essay

Relationships are a very important part of human life. Regardless of the success of any human being, relationships are an essential key to a better life and their ignorance could have the most serious repercussions. Family members should strive as much as they can to relate well with each other.

This is particularly crucial for children as regards their relationship with their parent since this relationship determines how a child undergoes psychosocial development. This paper looks into parent-children relationships to identify some of the challenges that this relationship faces and also suggests remedies to problems encountered by parents and children as they relate to each other.

A good society basically defines an environment that upholds the good morals that is universally acceptable. It is for this fundamental virtue and reason that good parent-child relationship can be realized within such society. Let’s therefore find out the meaning of good morals that fosters good relationships between parents and children in the society.

Through out the human history, communities have been concerned with what their children would become when they grow up, assessed by parameters of appropriate moral growth. This could only become as a dream because of the ever common and confusing results later seen in their behaviors. Good morals are therefore hard to achieve and they must be worked for in order to be realized.

It is hence, very apparent that the parent-child relationship embraces behaviours, feelings and expectations that are unparalleled to a particular parent and child. All these unique characters contribute to the full extent of a child’s development and growth. There are a number of factors that affect the relationship between children and their parents.

For instance, the relationship between a parent and his/her child may be affected adversely by marriage instability or the experience that the parent has in dealing with certain issues. Other factors include confidence of parents in the decisions they make affecting their children and the character of a child. Age in this case, specifies the cognition of setting good standards of behaviors.

Take for example; parents who have been married for quite some time tend to be patient and calm before delivering judgment to an errant child compared to their newly married colleagues. This is usually so, because such cases have arisen in such family settings before and going by such past experiences, have been successfully arbitrated upon. On the other hand, new couples are bound to act on the spot without considering the other side of the consequences that can spark rebellion from the children.

Another instance, where wisdom through age demonstrates itself, can be seen on the ability to be understanding in a conflict. Come to think of this, sometimes children want to do something contrary to their parents’ wish. In such cases parents should be honest and open with their children by explaining why they feel the time or situation is not yet ripe or why the action is improper.

It is thus prudent, to approach certain conflicts between parents and children with caution so as not to blow it out of proportion in order for good relationships to blossom.

Such, can majorly be actualized through innate wisdom and knowledge majorly set by age .having seen that parenting is an important determination of good morals, stability in marriage is a major factor that equally contributes to a good relationship between parents and children. A happy couple would reason together, consult every now and then, keeps family secrets, plans and most importantly do not prejudice or incite the children against each other.

Parents who commit in house wrangles are bound to disagree on certain principles that are essential for the children’s development. It is an obvious factor that, ‘children learn by observation.’ children on the other hand are bound by nature to take hard line positions in support of or disapproval of either of the parent’s view. Parents need to agree on household issues and to stick to the rules relating to the family’s wellbeing.

Both parents should each time remember their resolutions and refuse to get compromised by the children who break such rules. Children gain a sense of security from parents who love and support each other. It is clear from this reason that unstable marriages would absolutely contribute to bad relationships between parents and children as opposed to stable marriages that fosters good relationships between parents and the children in the society.

Other key area that requires the parents’ full attention and intimacy for a good relationship with the children is education, which anchors more on the parents’ support to the children for its success. The outcome of this closeness is that, parents can make a spectacular difference in positively molding the future of the children. Religion on the other hand, can be a reality when parents have good relationship between themselves (Thera 1).

For achievement of a good relationship between parents and children, there is need for involvement of all stakeholders in the relationship. Close knit families are therefore formed in families where members understand each other and complement each other for achievement of a common goal.

This comes as a result of, talking to the children, taking time to take them to bed, praying with them and literally driving their efforts based on family objectives such as hard work, respect, love and so on. This condition of closeness and stability eventually inculcates good relationships between parents and children.

Characteristics of the children compared to those of the parents can also influence the relationships between the parents and the children. Let us look at this factor pegged on four main stages of development. These are Infants, kindergarten children, school age and adolescence. It is common to note that as the children move from infancy, the parent-child relationship begins to change.

At this stage, the parents simply natures the relationship based on day to day care (Holman 60). For example, if parents show open pleasure in their children however much busy they could be, the toddler appreciates in a sub conscious way and reciprocates by forging good relationship with the parents.

In this case, the much a child is connected with the parent may be the determinant factor of the success the child will encounter due to reliable psychosocial development during childhood. The small pre school child becomes more cheerful, self-reliant, self-controlled and focused when the parents are permissive while children who are brought up by authoritarian parents tend to lack self-confidence and withdrawn.

This therefore affects the good relationship with the parents (Milordo 1). For example, where in a situation where parents and do not encourage negotiations with their children. The above stage enables the child to explore much of the environment and feel that they can get away with any behavior expecting not to be reprimanded. This stage calls for less rigid personality in addition to firmness so that the parent-child connection is not withheld.

At school-age stage, good relationship between parents and children is natured by congealing patterns of interaction between parents to children. Remember this is the stage where the child’s social world expands and they increasingly become interested in peers. It should not be misconstrued to mean that this is a sign of disinterest to the parent.

Even though, parents are supposed to be displinarians, they should not so much rely on physical punishment or withdraw their affection; instead, they should encourage and politely give direction so that a good relationship between the parent and child is yielded.Behaviourial changes at adolescence stage may also put strain on the relationship between the parents and the children.

A case of study would be, taking a child at this stage of development as one who bickers and challenges the authority of the parents. It must be known that adolescence stage provides a base for most teenagers to hold different views with their parents; albeit, it’s very poignant to reason in this manner. The concern to parents should be an absolute concession on essentials and limit tendencies of variations that can affect their relationships.

From this essay, it is evident that the skills of a child’s parents in maintaining a good relationship with their child are very instrumental in the development of the child and it determines the child’s future. It is therefore of essence for parents to ensure that they do their best to achieve healthy relationships with their children since the benefits of the same may be more than they can imagine. All these attempts essentially improve the good relationships between the parents and children in the society.

Works Cited

Holman, Thomas. The Family in the New Millennium:: Strengthening the family . New York. Barnes & Noble, 2007. Print.

Thera, Nayaka. “Parents and Children”. 2006. Web.

Milordo, Lisa. “Setting up Children for Success at School”. 2010. Web.

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IvyPanda. (2023, October 29). Good Parent-Children Relationship. https://ivypanda.com/essays/good-parent-children-relationship/

"Good Parent-Children Relationship." IvyPanda , 29 Oct. 2023, ivypanda.com/essays/good-parent-children-relationship/.

IvyPanda . (2023) 'Good Parent-Children Relationship'. 29 October.

IvyPanda . 2023. "Good Parent-Children Relationship." October 29, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/good-parent-children-relationship/.

1. IvyPanda . "Good Parent-Children Relationship." October 29, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/good-parent-children-relationship/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Good Parent-Children Relationship." October 29, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/good-parent-children-relationship/.

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How to Be a Good Parent

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

There is no one right way to be a good parent, although there are many proven ways to be a flawed one, such as abuse, neglect, or overindulgence. A key challenge is resisting the urge to manage, guide, or control kids at all times, but research suggests that parents who give their children room to explore, grow, and, importantly, fail, may be serving them better. No parent should allow kids to put their health or safety at risk, or to allow core house rules to be flouted, especially when it comes to daily home and school responsibilities. But beyond that, building a home life that provides caring, consistency, choices, and consequences should go a long way toward a child’s social, emotional, and intellectual development—which should also lead to a stronger parent-child bond and happier child-raising years for everyone involved.

On This Page

• Making a Happy Home
• Avoiding Pitfalls
• Providing Emotional Support

A paradox of parenting is that kids typically need less from their mothers and fathers than the adults realize. What they need, though, is essential: Love, emotional security, conversation, validation, responsibilities, time outside, and opportunities to play and learn. Parents who can focus their attention on these baseline goals and avoid getting caught up in the minutiae of measuring minutes on screens or dictating which shirt gets worn to preschool, will find that they and their children will enjoy each other more , and that their kids will more quickly become comfortable with their own selves.

Daily routines, and regular rituals, can be a powerful way to bond with children and help them feel emotionally secure. Time spent each day reading together, listening to music, going outside, performing a simple chore, and especially a positive interaction to start the day and open time at bedtime to review the day and say goodnight, research finds, helps kids establish a stable, positive emotional outlook.

Research on the casual chitchat also known as banter has found that it is essential for children’s emotional development, and for their vocabulary. Informal talks with parents expand kids’ knowledge and skills, and has positive emotional and social effects that last into adulthood. Weekend plans, neighborhood news, funny memories, seasonal changes, to-do lists, dream recollections, and things that excite you are all valid topics for banter during quiet portions of the day.

There are reasons why younger kids don’t always cooperate with a parent’s requests, even if the parent doesn’t immediately recognize them as good reasons. A child deeply engaged with play, for example, may resist being called away to get dressed or come to dinner. To avoid conflict, a parent should observe what a child is involved in before demanding that they move away from it. It’s often helpful to talk to a child about what they’re doing, and even join them for a time, before requesting that they move on to a necessary task. Just five minutes of such “sensitive caregiving” can not only avoid resistance but help a child become better able to develop social competence.

Research suggests that it will. Many studies have found that dog ownership helps younger kids learn responsibility and empathy, and potentially even develop language skills. Recent research has also found that kids who live with a pet become less likely to have conduct problems or peer conflicts, with behavioral improvement averaging around 30 percent. The effect emerged simply by having a dog present in the home, and the results were even more striking when children were actively involved in walking and caring for the pet—although having a pet did not necessarily diminish the symptoms of clinically diagnosed emotional conditions.

In many cities and states, local laws prohibit children under a certain age from either staying home alone or being outside without an adult present. Many parents have protested such rules, arguing that kids entering the tween years should be allowed to be on their own if mothers and fathers determine that they’re responsible. This movement, often called free-range parenting , makes the case for overturning such laws to bring families more freedom, independence, trust, and joy, but while some municipalities have moved to amend their laws, many others have resisted.

It’s impossible for a parent to be perfect. Fortunately, it’s not that hard to be the right parent for your own child. Listening, being supportive, encouraging activity and creativity, and establishing a secure family structure all go a long way toward providing the kind of childhood that help kids thrive. Unfortunately, even in the pursuit of these goals, parents can go too far by overscheduling kids, micromanaging them, refusing to recognize learning or emotional struggles for what they are, modeling unhealthy responses to stress, violating boundaries, or criticizing kids or comparing them to others—even siblings—out of frustration.

In a word, no, and no child can be perfect, either. But parents who believe perfection is attainable, in themselves or their kids, often struggle to take any joy in their role, or to provide joy to their children. It’s easy for a parent to become self-critical and beat themselves up over opportunities they didn’t offer their kids, or for not pushing them hard enough. But an intense, overscheduled childhood may not be the right one for your child. Being a “good enough” parent , many experts suggest, is sufficient to raise children who are decent and loving, confident enough to pursue their interests, and able to fail.

It shouldn’t be. Many parents believe they should control children at all times, directing them to fit their own vision of what type of person they should become. Such parents may be shocked and angered when children resist such pushing, leading to power struggles and potentially years of conflict. Parents who instead focus on baseline expectations and standards for responsibility and routines, and stick to them, while working to understand their children’s temperament and emotional needs, can form a connection with their kids and work with them to discover and pursue their own interests.

In many families, one parent emerges as the “fun one,” or the “good cop,” with the other wedged into the role of the serious one, or the “bad cop.” Not only does this generate a potentially unhealthy family dynamic, it can also strain a couple’s relationship. Partners who discuss their values, and each other’s priorities as parents, can face their children with more confidence, divide responsibilities more evenly, and approach children with consistency.

It can be tricky for parents of young children to recognize when a child is acting out and when there is a valid reason for what appears to be unwelcome behavior. For example, a child may become overstimulated or feel rushed during a busy day; become angry because they’re hungry; struggle to express “big feelings”; react to a long period of physical inactivity with high energy and a need to play; or become frustrated by a parent’s inconsistent limits. Taking a step back to evaluate whether a child’s behavior may be caused by a factor outside their direct control can go a long way toward keeping parents from punishing children who may not deserve it.

Ideally, a responsible one. Surveys suggest that well over 90 percent of children have an online presence by age 2—often their own Instagram or Facebook accounts (created and maintained by their parents). “ Sharenting ,” or sharing news or images of a child, can provide parents with social validation and the support of an online community. But as kids enter the tween and teen years they may push back and feel exposed or embarrassed by what their parents have posted, leading to family conflict. Parents should understand the privacy settings of all their social media platforms, consider whether a particular photo may eventually embarrass a child and as kids get older, ask for their approval before sharing anything online.

When a parent is anxious or worried, a child may become anxious as well. Parents who talk about adult worries with kids, fail to model or teach coping skills, or who are unreliable or fail to keep promises, can drive anxiety in their sons and daughters. But parents who swoop in to eliminate any source of anxiety, by, for example, taking over difficult tasks, can also inadvertently raise kids who may struggle to cope with challenges or stress. Parents who make time to listen, take children’s concerns seriously, provide consistent support, step back and let kids solve problems on their own (or not), and allow ample free time for play, can help children thrive.

For more, see Children and Anxiety

Children may feel anxious in a variety of situations—at the doctor’s office, at a birthday party, before a test, or in a storm—and look to parents for help. Unfortunately, simply telling them to “calm down” likely will not work. But encouraging them to calm themselves by taking slow, deep breaths, chewing gum or singing, talking openly about their worries and naming them, or finding humor in the situation can help them get through it and be better prepared to handle future stressors.

When kids are feeling stress, parents can easily become anxious as well, but mothers and fathers should aim to avoid displaying it, or “ mood matching ,” which may only amplify a child’s stress. Keeping calm and grounded, perhaps through the application of mindfulness techniques, can help parents remain a source of support even in difficult moments.

Younger children feel emotions deeply, but their emotions may also change quickly, sometimes shocking parents and making them feel helpless. A child may have a limited ability to control their emotions, but a parent can help them develop the competence they need to manage their feelings themselves, and gain confidence and self-esteem in the process. An important step is to help children identify and talk about negative emotions like sadness or anger and not deny or suppress them.

Highly sensitive children may struggle with their feelings more than other kids, become more easily overwhelmed, or take setbacks more personally. Parents who can successfully manage their own emotions can help a sensitive child by creating a calm environment at home, maybe in one specific place; focusing on the child’s strengths while accepting their struggles as part of the mix; and working with the child to recognize their triggers and the most effective ways to respond.

Too often, children who are depressed don’t tell their parents about it; two out of three parents admit that they worry they wouldn’t recognize depression in a child , and clinicians find that children often report having symptoms for two to three years before they get help. Many kids avoid talking about depression at home because they think a parent won’t listen, will just tell them it’s temporary, or try to fix it quickly like a boo-boo. Other kids keep quiet because they want to protect their parents’ feelings. Creating a home where difficult feelings can be talked about and respected is an important step toward children feeling comfortable enough to speak about anything, including depression.

The idea of bringing a child to a psychologist is scary for many parents, but they should not see it as a personal failure but an active and positive step toward helping their child get the help they need. And as the experts on their family, parents should work to find someone they believe their child (and themselves) will be comfortable with. Parents should ask potential providers about their typical approach, how closely they involve parents in therapy, how to talk about it with their child, and how soon they should expect improvement.

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Ambiguous losses are often unacknowledged and unspoken. They are often stressful and difficult to process.

No one knows depersonalization better than children of narcissists.

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5 ways to embrace ‘imperfect parenting,’ from a psychologist.

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Acknowledging and slowly overcoming your mistakes is a much better parenting style than trying to be ... [+] perfect.

It’s natural to aspire to give your children the best—to surpass your own parents, to provide them with everything you might have yearned for as a child and to give them a happy and memorable childhood.

However, while these expectations are normal, it’s crucial not to fall into the trap of self-condemnation when things don’t always align as planned. There’s no guide to perfect parenting, nor is there an ideal method to raise happy and healthy children without encountering challenges.

Adjusting expectations to reflect the realities of parenting can prevent feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Take a moment to relax and release the internalized pursuit of perfection and self-criticism as a parent.

Embracing “Good Enough Parenting” Through Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is treating oneself with kindness, understanding and acceptance, especially in times of difficulty, failure or suffering. It involves extending yourself the same compassion you might offer to a close friend or a loved one in a similar situation.

A 2022 study found that when parents lack compassion toward themselves, they often experience increased feelings of isolation, self-judgment and over-identification.

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This self-critical and harsh inner dialogue can increase stress levels and negatively impact well-being. Self-compassion can help mitigate these adverse effects and promote resilience in the face of challenges.

Here are five mindfulness practices geared towards fostering self-compassion when parenting gets stressful:

• Notice and acknowledge emotions. Take a few slow, deep breaths in the heat of the moment. This simple act can help calm your nervous system and create space for mindful awareness. Once you’ve calmed down a bit, try to identify what you’re feeling. Are you frustrated, overwhelmed, angry or something else? Naming your emotions validates them and helps you healthily process them.
• Challenge negative self-talk. When you start beating yourself up with thoughts like “I’m a terrible parent” or “I should be able to handle this better,” acknowledge that critical voice. Instead, challenge those thoughts with kindness. Would you talk to a friend that way? Remind yourself that you’re doing your best in a challenging situation.
• Practice self-acceptance and the value of small wins. It’s okay to be imperfect. Everyone makes mistakes as parents. Instead of dwelling on them, acknowledge the misstep, learn from it and move on. Instead of focusing on what you have done wrong, focus on what you have done right and celebrate those moments of achievement. Parenting is filled with small wins. Notice and appreciate the positive moments, no matter how insignificant they may seem.
• Mindful self-care. Schedule self-compassion breaks. Even a few minutes of mindful self-care can work wonders. Take a relaxing bath, practice gentle yoga stretches, or simply sit quietly and focus on your breath. Remember that you, too, have needs. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally allows you to be a more patient and present parent.
• Practice loving-kindness meditation . It is a small practice that has been proven to cope with strains of caregiving. Start by directing kindness inward. Find a quiet place and sit comfortably. Close your eyes and silently repeat a loving-kind phrase towards yourself such as: “May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I be happy. May I live with ease.” Once you feel a sense of warmth and self-compassion, gradually extend the same warmth to your child, other loved ones and even strangers.

By showing ourselves kindness and compassion in the face of our own imperfections, we demonstrate to our children the importance of self-care and self-compassion. This sets the stage for them to develop a healthy relationship with their own mistakes and imperfections, fostering resilience and self-acceptance. In this way, acknowledging and embracing the imperfect nature of parenting can alleviate undue stress and foster a healthier environment for both parents and children.

Do you constantly pick on yourself for your parenting mistakes? Take the Parental Burnout Assessment to know how it might be affecting your mental well-being.

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The Parents Who Regret Having Children

N o one regrets having a child, or so it’s said. I’ve heard this logic often, usually after I’m asked if I have children, then, when I say I don’t, if I plan to. I tend to evade the question, as I find that the truth—I have no plans to be a parent—is likely to invite swift dissent. I’ll be told I’ll change my mind, that I’m wrong, and that while I’ll regret not having a child, people don’t regret the obverse. Close family, acquaintances, and total strangers have said this for years; I let it slide, knowing that, at the very least, the last part is a fiction.

It is, unsurprisingly, a challenge to get solid data on the number of parents who regret having children. In 1975, the popular advice columnist Ann Landers asked her readers if, given the chance to do it all over again, they’d have children. Seventy percent said they wouldn’t; this result, though, came from a group of self-selecting respondents. “The hurt, angry and disenchanted” are more inclined to write back than contented people, as Landers observed in a follow-up 1976 column . But in 2013, a Gallup poll asked Americans 45 and older how many kids they’d have if they could go back in time. Seven percent of the respondents with children said zero. And in 2023, a study estimated that up to 5% to 14% of parents in so-called developed countries, including the United States, regret their decision to have children.

These studies align with what I've found in my personal life: While most parents don’t regret having kids, some do. Perhaps in part because I’ve written publicly about choosing not to have children , I’ve had people, especially mothers, confide in me about parental regret, and frequently enough I’ve lost count.

Read More: Why So Many Women Are Waiting Longer to Have Kids

Most of the time—whether I hear it in passing, quickly, from a stranger at a literary event, or late at night from a beloved friend—this kind of revelation arises from a place of anguish. Some of these parents talk about feeling utterly alone, like villains past all imagining. Several have noted that, afraid of being judged, they decline to be candid with their own therapists. If asked what I think, I reply that, from what I’m hearing, they’re not alone. Not at all. I hope it helps; I’m told, at times, it does. It’s a physic to which I’ve devoted my life: asked why I write, I often respond that books, words have provided vital fellowship during spells of harsh isolation, when I thought that solitude and its attendant, life-torquing evils—shame, guilt, the pain of exile—might kill me.

Meanwhile, I’m so often advised that I’ll be a parent that, though I’m sure I won’t, I still prod at this ghost self, trying on its shape, asking what I’d do if I felt obliged to adopt this spectral, alternate life as mine. For here’s the next question people tend to broach if I indicate I don’t plan on having kids: what does my husband think? I find this odd, a little prying—do people think I didn’t discuss this topic with him, at length, long before we pledged to share a life?—but the question also rings the alarm bell of one of my own great fears. If I respond with the truth, that he feels exactly as I do, here’s the usual follow-up: but what if he changes his mind?

Read More: Why I Have Zero Regrets About My Childless Life

I have friends who long for kids, and I know the need to be potent, inarguable, as primal as my desire to go without. I’ve seen parent friends’ faces open with love as they watch their small children sing to living-room karaoke, the adults radiating joy as laughing tots carol and bop. Should my husband’s mind change, I can picture the rift that would open wide, dividing us. Either I’d deprive him of what he needs, or I’d give in, birthing a child I don’t want. Or, and this prospect is painful enough that it hurts to type the words, our lives would have to diverge. No bridge of compromise can quite traverse the rift: as King Solomon knew, there are no half-children.

This fear is so salient that I turned it into a pivotal tension in my upcoming novel, Exhibit : a celebrated photographer and her husband agreed they both don’t want children, but he wakes up one day realizing he does, and powerfully so. She’s certain she ought not be a parent; he’s pining for a child; they love each other very much. Short on joint paths forward, they have no idea what to do next.

Parental regret springs from a range of origins, not all having to do with privation of choice or means. In and before a post- Dobbs U.S., people have given birth against their will. The cost of raising a child runs high; for parents lacking funds and support, dire hardship can result. It’s a lack far too typical in the U.S., where there’s no federally mandated paid parental leave, and families are often priced out of childcare . But this regret isn’t a phenomenon limited to people in grave financial straits, nor to those forced into parenting. Other parents, all through the world, also wish they’d elected otherwise.

In recent months, as I waited for the publication of the novel I worked on for nine years, I kept returning to the plight I’d explored: I hadn’t yet finished wondering what I might do, how I’d live, if. And though I’d heard a range of chronicles of parental regret, as have other friends without kids, the stories were related one-on-one, in private. It’s a taboo subject, one made all the more difficult, punitive, by the ubiquitous belief that people who feel as they do either can’t or ought not exist.

Read More: Does Marriage Really Make People Happier? A Discussion

I’ve also thought about the isolating effect of silence, and what it can cost to live in hiding. I wanted to talk with parents who, if they could go back in time, might make different choices—and who’d also agree to be quoted. It was, again unsurprisingly, hard to find people willing to speak with me on the record about parental regret. I promised to alter the names of each parent I interviewed for this piece. Even so, people were skittish.

“I don't think that everyone is made for children,” says Helen, a high school teacher in her 40s. And telling people that their purpose is to reproduce is destructive, she adds. It’s what she heard growing up: though Helen wanted to take Latin in high school, her mother forced her to enroll in home economics instead. “I don't think I ever decided to have kids. I was pretty much just told that that's what you do. That's what girls are for,” Helen says.

As a result, Helen makes sure to tell her students that having children is an option, one that might not be right for them. She says the same thing to her kids, both girls. “I think that people need to know that just being themselves is enough,” she says.

Read More: Why You Should Think Before Telling Mothers 'They're Only Little Once'

At this point, half an hour into a phone call, Helen has cried, briefly, a couple of times. Now, I’m the one tearing up. I tell Helen I grew up in a predominantly Christian Korean American community. The primacy of having kids is built into the Korean language: I knew most Korean adults only as “the mother of x” or “the father of y.” I might have felt less strange if I’d had a Helen at my high school. While I didn’t quite, at any point, decide against being a parent—I didn’t have to, since I had no inkling of the urge in the first place—I also never heard it said that there might be an alternative.

“And if you thought there was any other way to live, there's something wrong with you,” Helen says.

I ask what she’d do if she had more time to herself. “I would write. I would take walks,” she replies. “I enjoyed writing academic papers. I enjoyed writing them for my master's.” It used to upset her when classes were too easy. Given the chance, she would think for hours without interruption. She’d take up further studies.

And if she could inhabit the person she was before she became a parent? “I would have stopped that pregnancy before it happened.” But that’s the part Helen’s never said to her daughters, who, after all, didn’t ask to be born. She’s hell-bent on raising them well, not taking out any regrets on the girls. “I love them. I just don't love the choice I made.”

Each parent I talk to points out this dividing line: it’s possible to have strong, lasting regrets about a life choice while ferociously loving—and caring for—the fruit of that decision. Paul, a Canadian father of young boys, notes that though he could write a book on everything he resents having lost as a result of becoming a parent, he also would do anything for his kids. Paul’s boys are the loves of his life. Still, overall, fathering has been detrimental to his well-being.

“My body is constantly on standby, waiting for the next disaster,” Paul says. “As an introvert, I also deeply resent having no private time.” He’s fatigued and never at ease, finding all aspects of child-rearing to be stressful. It’s not a problem that would be resolved if he had more caretaking support. “I do have help with the kids from family, and I know if I asked for more help, I'd get it,” he tells me, but he often refuses help because he believes that, as a father, it's his job to take on the brunt of tasks that attend parenting.

Instead, what Paul lacks, in terms of support, is people with whom he can be honest. “I don't have anyone to talk to about parental regret,” he says. He wishes he had more spaces where parents aren't publicly shamed for feeling trapped or stifled. And though he’d felt ambivalent about becoming a father, and it was his husband who first decided he wanted a child, he hasn’t let this initial split in longing drive them apart. With his husband, as with the other people in his life, he's quiet about his regret: “As much as I might feel his desire to be a parent has led me to my decision, that decision was also my own.”

People have asked how I learned that not having kids might be an option. I live in San Francisco, where I’m hardly the only person with no kids—out of the major U.S. cities, San Francisco has the smallest percentage of children —but even so, for some people, having kids can feel so fated that they talk about not having imagined otherwise.

One friend who’s asked this question has told me she felt regret during the first years of her child’s life, but that, as her child got older, the rue left. For other parents, though, the regret proves lasting. Robin, who has adult offspring in their 40s, says that, to this day, if she could reverse time, she would “certainly not have a baby ever, not under any circumstances.” She notes that she’d had no notion of what being a parent can entail. Having grown up in an affluent, cheerful family, she was glad to have children with her husband, figuring that “it all just looked like a romantic, happy road.”

Instead, after electing to be a stay-at-home mother, Robin found herself in what she calls “the domestic gulag,” a life that consisted of being “a chauffeur and an arranger and an appointment setter and a social secretary and a party planner and a chef and a meal planner and a budgeter” and “an emergency nurse and a night nurse and a psychologist and a confidant.”

Robin also, like the other parents I spoke to, felt responsible for raising her children well, teaching them how to lead “good, honorable, happy” lives, striving to instill and model integrity and kindness. It was a daily, 20-year effort all the more crushing since, each morning, waking up, she’d recall the day’s to-do list and know that she didn’t want to do any of it.

Replying to my questions, Robin keeps having to pause to take phone calls from a nurse caring for her ill, elderly aunt. There’s no one else in Robin’s family who’ll fill the role, she says, so it’s up to her to look after her aunt’s well-being. I’m conscious that I’m telling you this because I’m alive to what at least some readers will think about Helen, Paul, and Robin: that the act of admitting to regret ipso facto convicts them as bad, unfit parents. As, that is, evil people. They know it, too, and are as afraid of being recognized as they are intent on telling people what they’re living through—hoping, with a fervor I recognize from my bygone life as an evangelical Christian, to prevent others’ misery.

Hoping to ease others’ solitude, too. Online forums aside, there are almost no spaces where a parent can discuss regret. Some of this is for good reason—no child should have to hear that they’re regretted—but what other human experience is there about which one will probably be judged a monster for having any regret at all?

One problem is that our culture wants just one kind of story about parenting, and it’s a story of “pure joy,” says Yael Goldstein-Love, a writer and psychotherapist in California whose clinical practice focuses on people who are adapting to parenthood. But, Goldstein-Love says, people often experience grief in the transition to being a parent, grief for the life they might have inhabited otherwise. “Part of what makes the grief unspeakable is that there's always a strand of this regret,” she adds.

While Goldstein-Love hasn’t had patients bring it up, she also has friends who confide in her about parental regret. I mention the alacrity with which people can lunge to say that no parent feels regret, that it’s impossible. I ask if, perhaps, this type of remorse poses an existential threat, belying an ideal picture of what we might be to our own parents. Is this an aspect of why people can be so quick to refute the notion that regret can, and does, happen?

Absolutely, she replies: Most people want to believe that our parents felt nothing but delight about raising us. “They never regretted a moment. They never hated us. And that's bullsh-t.” I ask Goldstein-Love what she’d tell parents who wish they had made another choice.

“To the extent that you can, and this is much easier said than done, try not to feel ashamed of this.” It’s tempting, she explains, to judge how we feel about life experiences, asking ourselves, “Does this make me a good person? Does this make me a bad person? Am I doing this right? Am I doing this wrong?”

But feelings aren’t inherently “truly ugly,” Goldstein-Love says. “They just are.” It’s what people make of their feelings that might be “ugly or not.” Some people don’t find joy in parenting, let alone pure joy, “and that’s also fine.” Regret is not itself a threat to a parent’s love for a child, and it can help to admit, even to oneself, that which might feel unspeakable. “I really would encourage people to realize that you are not alone in this feeling,” she says.

I think of the halting conversations I’ve been having with parents, and the difficulty with which people talk about regret. Few choices are less irreversible than deciding to be a parent: once the child is born, a person is here who didn’t previously exist. But I also wonder who’s being served well by a monolithic idea that no one regrets being a parent. Not these parents; not, as some of the people I’ve spoken with have pointed out, any kids who pick up on parental regret and think it can’t happen, except to them. If more people had the support to make reproductive choices based on their own desires and life situations, and if the monolith were spalled in favor of plural narratives that better reflect the complexities of human experience, what then?

I think of the people who have spoken to me about regret and isolation, including those I haven’t yet mentioned—a mother finishing nursing school in Mississippi, a mother of five in Nebraska, and all the privately confiding parents. One parent asks at the end of our conversation, “What have other parents said? Was it the same thing? Was it the same thing as me?”

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What is ‘Mewing’? The Latest Social Media Trend That Is Infiltrating Classrooms

How the social media trend is leading to bigger conversations about respect.

FG Trade Latin / Getty Images

As the ever-evolving landscape of social media and TikTok trends continue to perplex parents and teachers alike, another phenomenon seems to be making the rounds that is not only raising some eyebrows but some jawlines as well—particularly at school.

'Mewing' became popular last year as a supposed quick-fix non-surgical beauty trend to help make your jawline appear more defined. It's now being used among teens, but not for its intended purpose.

Instead, as one teacher in a viral TikTok video explains, it’s being used by students to avoid participating in class or discussion by essentially “shushing” their teacher or parent.

Philip Lindsay ( @mr_lindsay_sped ), a special education teacher at Rim Country Middle School in Payson, Arizona, sheds light on this peculiar twist, revealing that the trend seems more popular among teen boys at his school. In the video, he demonstrates the nonverbal gesture by pursing his lips together while holding his finger up to his mouth as if to “shush” someone and then pointing to his jawline. Lindsay continues, “It just means I can’t answer your question right now, I’m ‘mewing.’”

So What Exactly Is 'Mewing'?

According to the American Association of Orthodontists (AAO), ‘mewing’ is the movement of flattening your tongue against the roof of your mouth in an attempt to define your jawline. It originated from the studies of a controversial orthodontist, John Mew . 

The trend gained momentum on social media last year after influencers touted it as a more effective alternative to filters for facial smoothing in photos and videos. (Though the AAO maintains there's no scientific evidence supporting its efficacy.)

As this alternate version of 'mewing' seems to be infiltrating classrooms, there are concerns about its misuse and the perceived lack of respect demonstrated by teens.

Is 'Mewing' Disrespectful?

Teresa Kaye Newman ( @teresakayenewman ), a teacher at the Newman Music Academy in Manor, Texas, also expresses her frustration with the trend on TikTok. She suggests 'mewing' could be the "final straw" in her teaching career, contemplating resignation.

“In reality, they absolutely understand how dismissive and disrespectful it is of the person that’s trying to engage with them, especially in a learning environment,” she says in the video. “They also understand how hurtful it can be.”

Liz Nissim-Matheis , PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and certified school psychologist at Psychological and Educational Consulting in Livingston, New Jersey, says teen 'mewing' may also be an attempt at a power play.

“This is a type of behavior that is creating a sense of equality between child and parent or student and teacher,” Dr. Nissim-Matheis tells Parents . “It is disrespectful because the two are not on equal ranking.”

If the act is done by a student to another student, she says, it could also affect their self-esteem , because “being treated in such a manner only serves to diminish what little sense of worth a teen may have.”

Newman’s TikTok video garnered nearly four million views and more than 3,000 comments, primarily from fellow educators. While some share the same view as Newman about the trend being disrespectful, not all teachers feel as strongly.

One fellow teacher comments on the video, “30+ years in the classroom. You are giving them power by giving the gesture power.”

“I told my students my bark cancels out their mew,” another teacher writes. “They’ve so far been so shocked they stopped doing it.”

Nicholas Ferroni , an educator at Union High School in New Jersey and a dedicated activist, integrates pop culture and social media trends into his history lessons. Embracing the digital age, Ferroni occasionally involves his students in social media videos, utilizing his platforms like TikTok as an educational tool.

Ferroni takes a different view on this trend. He says if a student were to try to 'mew' at him in order to avoid answering a question or to simply be rude, he would use it more as a teachable moment and turn it into a lesson on social etiquette.

“My logic as a teacher is, I never take it personally,” he explains. “I would never take something like that to heart because there are so many other ways they can be disrespectful.”

Social media trends, TikTok challenges, and even teen slang, he says, come with the age territory explaining, “They’re teenagers; they’re supposed to do things that we don’t understand or know about.”

“The irony being that once we as adults understand them, they don’t have their cool nature anymore,” he says.

Ferroni adds, “ Vaping and phones—those are my bigger issues. If a kid is 'mewing,' at least I know that their hands are free so they’re not on their phone.”

How to Talk to Your Teen About 'Mewing'

As parents, it’s hard to protect our kids from every social media trend, and thankfully they will eventually grow out of these types of behaviors, just like we did when we were teenagers. And some of the things we did, out of disrespect or an attempt to solicit a laugh from classmates, seem so much more disrespectful and dismissive of authority. Who could forget the 90’s classic “Talk to the Hand?”

Navigating social media trends with teenagers has always been challenging, but taking a communicative approach could be beneficial for both parents and their children, suggests Dr. Nissim-Matheis. Rather than solely addressing the act itself, it may be more effective to center the discussion around the broader topic of respect for teachers, parents, and classmates.

“Parents can focus on how it feels to be mute or shushed,” says Dr. Nissim-Matheis. “For example, a parent can mimic the child’s behavior so they can see what it feels like and how it looks.”

She says this approach may help open up a dialogue that goes beyond the surface-level trend, and foster a deeper understanding of the importance of respectful communication in various settings. Open communication, she feels, can help foster a sense of responsibility, and help create a smoother transition into adulthood… with “rizz” or “no rizz .”

Does Mewing Actually Reshape Your Jaw? . American Association of Orthodontists . 2024.

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Piers Morgan

Where the hell are the parents of these deluded columbia students chanting about attacking jews.

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It costs around $90,000 a year to attend Columbia University.

Most undergraduates do four years of studying there, which means that if they’re not getting any subsidized grants, their parents are coughing up a total of $360,000 just for their tuition, housing, food and books.

Add in other expenses like travel, and Mommy and Daddy won’t be getting much change out of $400,000.

That’s a lot of money.

But those parents would doubtless consider it a price worth paying to give their child what is supposedly one of the best educations in the world at such a supposedly elite institution with a supposedly world-class reputation.

I use the “supposedly” because Columbia has now proved itself to be none of those things.

Instead, it’s become a disgraceful hotbed of toxic terrorism-supporting insanity and its lunatic students have literally taken over the asylum .

The increasingly disturbing situation on Columbia’s campus exploded last night in shocking and shameful scenes as a violent mob broke into one of the university’s historic buildings, then brandished a banner with the word “INTIFADA.”

As if there were any doubt about their intentions, they brazenly harassed and intimidated Jewish students, holding some against their will.

Another of the mob’s banners demanded a “Liberation Education,” which is ironic because these morons are hopefully going to get a harsh lesson in a real-world education on the legal repercussions of committing crimes like trespass, property damage, assault and false imprisonment.

But as I’ve watched this escalating mayhem, one thought has kept recurring to me: Where the hell are their parents?

How could anyone be happy or proud of their child abandoning their hugely expensive tuition to be part of a self-styled intifada against Jews?

This has gone way beyond an expression of free speech or right to protest, or legitimate criticism of the way Israel’s government is waging the war on Hamas.

I’ve heard a lot of BS spouted since these protests started about how most of the students taking part are entirely peaceful in their intent, etc.

But as we saw overnight, that is nonsense.

For days now, the Columbia demonstrators have been chanting, “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free!” and “There is only one solution — intifada revolution!”

Neither of those phrases is ambiguous or remotely peaceful.

The “From the river to the sea” chant alludes to the land between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean Sea, where, of course, Israel sits.

To a Jewish ear, it is a violent call to erase Israel from existence, which is the stated intent of Hamas.

As for an intifada, we all know what that means.

At least those of us with even a modicum of basic knowledge of Middle East history know what it means.

Intifada is an Arabic phrase that translates to “uprising” or “shaking off.”

It became notoriously immortalized by the two intifadas that erupted in 1987 and 2000 — when Palestinians rose up against what they deemed the longtime Israeli occupation of the Gaza Strip and the West Bank.

The First Intifada, which lasted for six years until 1993, escalated into violent riots and acts of terrorism by Palestinians against Israelis, fueled by a very aggressive Israeli military response, and caused the deaths of 160 Israelis and 1,087 Palestinians.

The Second Intifada, which lasted for five years until 2005, involved significantly worse violence and acts of terrorism from Palestinians against Israelis, amid a significantly more aggressive Israeli military response, and led to 1,000 Israeli and 3,000 Palestinian deaths.

Whatever your view of the rights and wrongs of any of this, there is one undeniable fact: The Intifadas were violent uprisings.

And here’s another undeniable fact: When Jewish people hear the word “intifada,” they believe it denotes a desire to do them violent harm.

So these chants and banners, accompanied by acts of increasing violence and intimidation, will have sent a shudder down the spine of many Jewish undergrads.

Yes, yes — I know there are some Jewish students joining the protests too.

But honestly, I wonder what the hell they’re thinking if they’re involving themselves in those chants or standing near those banners, or seeing fellow Jews being jostled and threatened.

Are they really encouraging another violent uprising against their own people?

If so, have they taken leave of their senses?

And where the hell are THEIR parents?

Many of them must be horrified, but why aren’t they doing anything about it?

Aside from the hideous antisemitic rhetoric, if I were paying $400,000 to have my child educated at Columbia, I wouldn’t be too happy seeing that child risking their chances of completing their degree or even jeopardizing future employment by chanting on camera about launching a violent attack on Jewish people.

In fact, I’d be livid.

Especially if I then saw scores of faculty members, in orange safety vests, joining the students in solidarity.

“We salute you, we stand with you,” bellowed Shana Redmond, a professor of English and comparative literature, to the mob with her megaphone. “And we’re so proud to be your professors.”

How on Earth has it come to this?

I’m all for the right to peaceful protest — it’s the bedrock of any democratic society.

And I’m all for university students vociferously expressing themselves about world events.

But when they make direct calls for violent action against Jews, that doesn’t just cross my red line, it tramples all over it.

And if this were one of my kids, I’d be headed straight up to Columbia faster than Usain Bolt on Adderall to drag them out of that hateful tented tinderbox.

Not least because I suspect many of these protesters don’t really understand what they’re doing and have been swept along on a wave of virtue-signaling peer pressure to show how much they “care” about Gaza.

I remember a similar frenzy after George Floyd was murdered and sparked a social media campaign titled “ Black Out Tuesday ,” in which everyone was urged to post only a black square to show they cared about what happened.

I don’t like enforced shows of Instagram or Facebook groupthink, caring or otherwise.

So I didn’t post a black square. Instead, I went to my local park with some friends and later, forgetting all about the black square directive, I Instagrammed a photo of the bottle of rosé we were drinking — and promptly got bombarded with outraged vitriol.

“No respect shown from Piers Morgan today,” one follower said. “Today was a day for us all to unite and black out social media. Obviously way too much to ask from some of those who are not directly affected.”

Minutes later, my three sons all messaged me on our WhatsApp chat group to express concern about what I’d done, saying they were being abused for it by social media trolls, and even their own friends were asking why I had committed such a social crime.

“You’re the only person on my feed all day who did one that wasn’t a black square,” said my eldest.

“I prefer to make my points in my way,” I replied.

“I think it’s actively provocative to post something else today,” retorted my middle boy. “It was a day of not posting. Surprisingly out of touch.”

I found their censorious attitude rather irritating given I’d spent three hours debating the Floyd murder that morning on breakfast TV in the UK. I’d also written a column about it, making my own very angry feelings about his death very clear.

It was stunning to see the real-time impact of their social media and peer pressure, and the very genuine fear of not being seen to “care” in the agreed manner.

I’m sure that’s fueling a lot of what we’re seeing at Columbia and other US universities.

But the abject failure of these protesters’ parents to inject some common sense and discipline into their children is what shocks me most.

Evil prospers when good parents do nothing.

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Opinion Dogs are our greatest creation. And we might be theirs.

Tommy Tomlinson is the author of “ Dogland .” He lives in Charlotte with his wife, her mother and a cat named Jack Reacher.

The dog is humankind’s greatest invention. The wheel, the lightbulb, concrete — all amazing. Top of the line. But nothing in human creation has been as essential and adaptable as the countless descendants of the ancient gray wolf.

How did we do it? I spent three years following the traveling carnival of American dog shows — like a Grateful Dead tour with Milk-Bones — in search of the answer. My journey culminated in the dog world’s most prestigious event: the Westminster Dog Show. Show dogs are bred from the purest stock, culled from litters at just a few weeks old, trained with the dedication of Olympic gymnasts — and groomed like supermodels. They’d be unrecognizable to their ancient kin — and to ours.

The American Kennel Club, arbiter of bloodlines, now recognizes about 200 breeds, while tracking crossbreeds like goldendoodles, and even mutts. From the most massive mastiff to the tiniest teacup chihuahua, all dogs trace back to the same common ancestors.

Scientists think this weird and powerful companionship of humans and dogs might have started somewhere between 15,000 and 30,000 years ago. Humans of that era were mainly hunters traveling in camps. They ate meat by the fire. The cooking meat attracted wolves who were drawn to the aroma but stayed safely out of range of the flames. Every so often, a human would fling a bone into the darkness. The wolves gnawed on the bones. They trailed the humans to the next campsite, still keeping their distance. There was an unspoken arrangement. The wolves alerted the humans to intruders, and the humans fed the wolves well.

Over time the wolves crept closer. One fateful night a curious wolf came all the way into the firelight. The humans didn’t chase it off.

Slowly, the humans mingled with the wolves. After days or months or generations or centuries, a wolf curled up at a human’s feet. Maybe got its belly rubbed. That was the first dog.

As far as we can tell, dogs are the first animals that humans ever tamed. The wolves that hung out with humans found themselves changing inside and out. They developed shorter muzzles and smaller teeth. Their instinct to run became a desire to stay close. With time, dogs were manufactured through breeding to meet different human needs. We made huskies to pull sleds and Newfoundlands to pull fish nets and dachshunds to catch badgers.

Dogs taught humans the early science of designer genes. In the mid-19th century, as we moved off the farm and into the factory, we created dogs we could bring indoors at the end of a workday. And we created dogs we could bring to work: French bulldogs (now the most popular breed in America ) started out as literal lap dogs for lace-makers in France. We molded dogs to be friends, companions, playmates and unofficial therapists.

So dogs are not just humanity’s greatest invention but also its longest-running experiment.

That’s one way to look at it.

Now switch out the frame. Swap the subject and the object. Change the verbs.

Here’s another view:

Around the time early humans evolved, Neanderthals also walked the planet. At some point — roughly 40,000 years ago — humans started to thrive while Neanderthals died off. And this is about the time when those first curious wolves began to evolve into dogs. Some scientists believe the timing is not a coincidence. Maybe the dog was the key advantage in the triumph of humankind.

Dogs enabled humans to settle down and stop their endless wandering. Dogs protected humans at this vulnerable transition from nomadic to settled life. Dogs did work that humans did not have the strength or stamina to do: guarding, herding, hunting, pulling sleds. They created time for humans to build and think and create without having to focus every moment on the next meal or the next threat.

We domesticated dogs, and they domesticated us.

Today, dogs provide not just companionship but also an uncomplicated kind of love in an ever more complicated world. And for those restless souls wandering from town to town, chasing job after job — nomads again — a dog can be an anchor, something to hold on to on a lonely night.

From the gray wolf by the ancient fire to a coifed Pomeranian prancing around the show ring, dogs have been with us nearly as long as we have been human.

They might be our greatest creation. And we might be theirs.

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