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College Essays

If you grow up to be a professional writer, everything you write will first go through an editor before being published. This is because the process of writing is really a process of re-writing —of rethinking and reexamining your work, usually with the help of someone else. So what does this mean for your student writing? And in particular, what does it mean for very important, but nonprofessional writing like your college essay? Should you ask your parents to look at your essay? Pay for an essay service?

If you are wondering what kind of help you can, and should, get with your personal statement, you've come to the right place! In this article, I'll talk about what kind of writing help is useful, ethical, and even expected for your college admission essay . I'll also point out who would make a good editor, what the differences between editing and proofreading are, what to expect from a good editor, and how to spot and stay away from a bad one.

Table of Contents

What Kind of Help for Your Essay Can You Get?

What's Good Editing?

What should an editor do for you, what kind of editing should you avoid, proofreading, what's good proofreading, what kind of proofreading should you avoid.

What Do Colleges Think Of You Getting Help With Your Essay?

Who Can/Should Help You?

Advice for editors.

Should You Pay Money For Essay Editing?

The Bottom Line

What's next, what kind of help with your essay can you get.

Rather than talking in general terms about "help," let's first clarify the two different ways that someone else can improve your writing . There is editing, which is the more intensive kind of assistance that you can use throughout the whole process. And then there's proofreading, which is the last step of really polishing your final product.

Let me go into some more detail about editing and proofreading, and then explain how good editors and proofreaders can help you."

Editing is helping the author (in this case, you) go from a rough draft to a finished work . Editing is the process of asking questions about what you're saying, how you're saying it, and how you're organizing your ideas. But not all editing is good editing . In fact, it's very easy for an editor to cross the line from supportive to overbearing and over-involved.

Ability to clarify assignments. A good editor is usually a good writer, and certainly has to be a good reader. For example, in this case, a good editor should make sure you understand the actual essay prompt you're supposed to be answering.

Open-endedness. Good editing is all about asking questions about your ideas and work, but without providing answers. It's about letting you stick to your story and message, and doesn't alter your point of view.

Think of an editor as a great travel guide. It can show you the many different places your trip could take you. It should explain any parts of the trip that could derail your trip or confuse the traveler. But it never dictates your path, never forces you to go somewhere you don't want to go, and never ignores your interests so that the trip no longer seems like it's your own. So what should good editors do?

Help Brainstorm Topics

Sometimes it's easier to bounce thoughts off of someone else. This doesn't mean that your editor gets to come up with ideas, but they can certainly respond to the various topic options you've come up with. This way, you're less likely to write about the most boring of your ideas, or to write about something that isn't actually important to you.

If you're wondering how to come up with options for your editor to consider, check out our guide to brainstorming topics for your college essay .

Help Revise Your Drafts

Here, your editor can't upset the delicate balance of not intervening too much or too little. It's tricky, but a great way to think about it is to remember: editing is about asking questions, not giving answers .

Revision questions should point out:

• Places where more detail or more description would help the reader connect with your essay
• Places where structure and logic don't flow, losing the reader's attention
• Places where there aren't transitions between paragraphs, confusing the reader
• Moments where your narrative or the arguments you're making are unclear

But pointing to potential problems is not the same as actually rewriting—editors let authors fix the problems themselves.

Bad editing is usually very heavy-handed editing. Instead of helping you find your best voice and ideas, a bad editor changes your writing into their own vision.

You may be dealing with a bad editor if they:

• Add material (examples, descriptions) that doesn't come from you
• Use a thesaurus to make your college essay sound "more mature"
• Add meaning or insight to the essay that doesn't come from you
• Tell you what to say and how to say it
• Write sentences, phrases, and paragraphs for you
• Change your voice in the essay so it no longer sounds like it was written by a teenager

Colleges can tell the difference between a 17-year-old's writing and a 50-year-old's writing. Not only that, they have access to your SAT or ACT Writing section, so they can compare your essay to something else you wrote. Writing that's a little more polished is great and expected. But a totally different voice and style will raise questions.

Where's the Line Between Helpful Editing and Unethical Over-Editing?

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether your college essay editor is doing the right thing. Here are some guidelines for staying on the ethical side of the line.

• An editor should say that the opening paragraph is kind of boring, and explain what exactly is making it drag. But it's overstepping for an editor to tell you exactly how to change it.
• An editor should point out where your prose is unclear or vague. But it's completely inappropriate for the editor to rewrite that section of your essay.
• An editor should let you know that a section is light on detail or description. But giving you similes and metaphors to beef up that description is a no-go.

Proofreading (also called copy-editing) is checking for errors in the last draft of a written work. It happens at the end of the process and is meant as the final polishing touch. Proofreading is meticulous and detail-oriented, focusing on small corrections. It sands off all the surface rough spots that could alienate the reader.

Because proofreading is usually concerned with making fixes on the word or sentence level, this is the only process where someone else can actually add to or take away things from your essay . This is because what they are adding or taking away tends to be one or two misplaced letters.

Laser focus. Proofreading is all about the tiny details, so the ability to really concentrate on finding small slip-ups is a must.

Excellent grammar and spelling skills. Proofreaders need to dot every "i" and cross every "t." Good proofreaders should correct spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar. They should put foreign words in italics and surround quotations with quotation marks. They should check that you used the correct college's name, and that you adhered to any formatting requirements (name and date at the top of the page, uniform font and size, uniform spacing).

Limited interference. A proofreader needs to make sure that you followed any word limits. But if cuts need to be made to shorten the essay, that's your job and not the proofreader's.

A bad proofreader either tries to turn into an editor, or just lacks the skills and knowledge necessary to do the job.

Some signs that you're working with a bad proofreader are:

• If they suggest making major changes to the final draft of your essay. Proofreading happens when editing is already finished.
• If they aren't particularly good at spelling, or don't know grammar, or aren't detail-oriented enough to find someone else's small mistakes.
• If they start swapping out your words for fancier-sounding synonyms, or changing the voice and sound of your essay in other ways. A proofreader is there to check for errors, not to take the 17-year-old out of your writing.

What Do Colleges Think of Your Getting Help With Your Essay?

Admissions officers agree: light editing and proofreading are good—even required ! But they also want to make sure you're the one doing the work on your essay. They want essays with stories, voice, and themes that come from you. They want to see work that reflects your actual writing ability, and that focuses on what you find important.

On the Importance of Editing

Get feedback. Have a fresh pair of eyes give you some feedback. Don't allow someone else to rewrite your essay, but do take advantage of others' edits and opinions when they seem helpful. ( Bates College )

Read your essay aloud to someone. Reading the essay out loud offers a chance to hear how your essay sounds outside your head. This exercise reveals flaws in the essay's flow, highlights grammatical errors and helps you ensure that you are communicating the exact message you intended. ( Dickinson College )

On the Value of Proofreading

Share your essays with at least one or two people who know you well—such as a parent, teacher, counselor, or friend—and ask for feedback. Remember that you ultimately have control over your essays, and your essays should retain your own voice, but others may be able to catch mistakes that you missed and help suggest areas to cut if you are over the word limit. ( Yale University )

Proofread and then ask someone else to proofread for you. Although we want substance, we also want to be able to see that you can write a paper for our professors and avoid careless mistakes that would drive them crazy. ( Oberlin College )

On Watching Out for Too Much Outside Influence

Limit the number of people who review your essay. Too much input usually means your voice is lost in the writing style. ( Carleton College )

Ask for input (but not too much). Your parents, friends, guidance counselors, coaches, and teachers are great people to bounce ideas off of for your essay. They know how unique and spectacular you are, and they can help you decide how to articulate it. Keep in mind, however, that a 45-year-old lawyer writes quite differently from an 18-year-old student, so if your dad ends up writing the bulk of your essay, we're probably going to notice. ( Vanderbilt University )

Now let's talk about some potential people to approach for your college essay editing and proofreading needs. It's best to start close to home and slowly expand outward. Not only are your family and friends more invested in your success than strangers, but they also have a better handle on your interests and personality. This knowledge is key for judging whether your essay is expressing your true self.

Parents or Close Relatives

Your family may be full of potentially excellent editors! Parents are deeply committed to your well-being, and family members know you and your life well enough to offer details or incidents that can be included in your essay. On the other hand, the rewriting process necessarily involves criticism, which is sometimes hard to hear from someone very close to you.

A parent or close family member is a great choice for an editor if you can answer "yes" to the following questions. Is your parent or close relative a good writer or reader? Do you have a relationship where editing your essay won't create conflict? Are you able to constructively listen to criticism and suggestion from the parent?

One suggestion for defusing face-to-face discussions is to try working on the essay over email. Send your parent a draft, have them write you back some comments, and then you can pick which of their suggestions you want to use and which to discard.

Teachers or Tutors

A humanities teacher that you have a good relationship with is a great choice. I am purposefully saying humanities, and not just English, because teachers of Philosophy, History, Anthropology, and any other classes where you do a lot of writing, are all used to reviewing student work.

Moreover, any teacher or tutor that has been working with you for some time, knows you very well and can vet the essay to make sure it "sounds like you."

If your teacher or tutor has some experience with what college essays are supposed to be like, ask them to be your editor. If not, then ask whether they have time to proofread your final draft.

Guidance or College Counselor at Your School

The best thing about asking your counselor to edit your work is that this is their job. This means that they have a very good sense of what colleges are looking for in an application essay.

At the same time, school counselors tend to have relationships with admissions officers in many colleges, which again gives them insight into what works and which college is focused on what aspect of the application.

Unfortunately, in many schools the guidance counselor tends to be way overextended. If your ratio is 300 students to 1 college counselor, you're unlikely to get that person's undivided attention and focus. It is still useful to ask them for general advice about your potential topics, but don't expect them to be able to stay with your essay from first draft to final version.

Friends, Siblings, or Classmates

Although they most likely don't have much experience with what colleges are hoping to see, your peers are excellent sources for checking that your essay is you .

Friends and siblings are perfect for the read-aloud edit. Read your essay to them so they can listen for words and phrases that are stilted, pompous, or phrases that just don't sound like you.

You can even trade essays and give helpful advice on each other's work.

If your editor hasn't worked with college admissions essays very much, no worries! Any astute and attentive reader can still greatly help with your process. But, as in all things, beginners do better with some preparation.

First, your editor should read our advice about how to write a college essay introduction , how to spot and fix a bad college essay , and get a sense of what other students have written by going through some admissions essays that worked .

Then, as they read your essay, they can work through the following series of questions that will help them to guide you.

Introduction Questions

• Is the first sentence a killer opening line? Why or why not?
• Does the introduction hook the reader? Does it have a colorful, detailed, and interesting narrative? Or does it propose a compelling or surprising idea?
• Can you feel the author's voice in the introduction, or is the tone dry, dull, or overly formal? Show the places where the voice comes through.

Essay Body Questions

• Does the essay have a through-line? Is it built around a central argument, thought, idea, or focus? Can you put this idea into your own words?
• How is the essay organized? By logical progression? Chronologically? Do you feel order when you read it, or are there moments where you are confused or lose the thread of the essay?
• Does the essay have both narratives about the author's life and explanations and insight into what these stories reveal about the author's character, personality, goals, or dreams? If not, which is missing?
• Does the essay flow? Are there smooth transitions/clever links between paragraphs? Between the narrative and moments of insight?

Reader Response Questions

• Does the writer's personality come through? Do we know what the speaker cares about? Do we get a sense of "who he or she is"?
• Where did you feel most connected to the essay? Which parts of the essay gave you a "you are there" sensation by invoking your senses? What moments could you picture in your head well?
• Where are the details and examples vague and not specific enough?
• Did you get an "a-ha!" feeling anywhere in the essay? Is there a moment of insight that connected all the dots for you? Is there a good reveal or "twist" anywhere in the essay?
• What are the strengths of this essay? What needs the most improvement?

Should You Pay Money for Essay Editing?

One alternative to asking someone you know to help you with your college essay is the paid editor route. There are two different ways to pay for essay help: a private essay coach or a less personal editing service , like the many proliferating on the internet.

My advice is to think of these options as a last resort rather than your go-to first choice. I'll first go through the reasons why. Then, if you do decide to go with a paid editor, I'll help you decide between a coach and a service.

When to Consider a Paid Editor

In general, I think hiring someone to work on your essay makes a lot of sense if none of the people I discussed above are a possibility for you.

If you can't ask your parents. For example, if your parents aren't good writers, or if English isn't their first language. Or if you think getting your parents to help is going create unnecessary extra conflict in your relationship with them (applying to college is stressful as it is!)

If you can't ask your teacher or tutor. Maybe you don't have a trusted teacher or tutor that has time to look over your essay with focus. Or, for instance, your favorite humanities teacher has very limited experience with college essays and so won't know what admissions officers want to see.

If you can't ask your guidance counselor. This could be because your guidance counselor is way overwhelmed with other students.

If you can't share your essay with those who know you. It might be that your essay is on a very personal topic that you're unwilling to share with parents, teachers, or peers. Just make sure it doesn't fall into one of the bad-idea topics in our article on bad college essays .

If the cost isn't a consideration. Many of these services are quite expensive, and private coaches even more so. If you have finite resources, I'd say that hiring an SAT or ACT tutor (whether it's PrepScholar or someone else) is better way to spend your money . This is because there's no guarantee that a slightly better essay will sufficiently elevate the rest of your application, but a significantly higher SAT score will definitely raise your applicant profile much more.

Should You Hire an Essay Coach?

On the plus side, essay coaches have read dozens or even hundreds of college essays, so they have experience with the format. Also, because you'll be working closely with a specific person, it's more personal than sending your essay to a service, which will know even less about you.

But, on the minus side, you'll still be bouncing ideas off of someone who doesn't know that much about you . In general, if you can adequately get the help from someone you know, there is no advantage to paying someone to help you.

If you do decide to hire a coach, ask your school counselor, or older students that have used the service for recommendations. If you can't afford the coach's fees, ask whether they can work on a sliding scale —many do. And finally, beware those who guarantee admission to your school of choice—essay coaches don't have any special magic that can back up those promises.

Should You Send Your Essay to a Service?

On the plus side, essay editing services provide a similar product to essay coaches, and they cost significantly less . If you have some assurance that you'll be working with a good editor, the lack of face-to-face interaction won't prevent great results.

On the minus side, however, it can be difficult to gauge the quality of the service before working with them . If they are churning through many application essays without getting to know the students they are helping, you could end up with an over-edited essay that sounds just like everyone else's. In the worst case scenario, an unscrupulous service could send you back a plagiarized essay.

Getting recommendations from friends or a school counselor for reputable services is key to avoiding heavy-handed editing that writes essays for you or does too much to change your essay. Including a badly-edited essay like this in your application could cause problems if there are inconsistencies. For example, in interviews it might be clear you didn't write the essay, or the skill of the essay might not be reflected in your schoolwork and test scores.

Should You Buy an Essay Written by Someone Else?

Let me elaborate. There are super sketchy places on the internet where you can simply buy a pre-written essay. Don't do this!

For one thing, you'll be lying on an official, signed document. All college applications make you sign a statement saying something like this:

I certify that all information submitted in the admission process—including the application, the personal essay, any supplements, and any other supporting materials—is my own work, factually true, and honestly presented... I understand that I may be subject to a range of possible disciplinary actions, including admission revocation, expulsion, or revocation of course credit, grades, and degree, should the information I have certified be false. (From the Common Application )

For another thing, if your academic record doesn't match the essay's quality, the admissions officer will start thinking your whole application is riddled with lies.

Admission officers have full access to your writing portion of the SAT or ACT so that they can compare work that was done in proctored conditions with that done at home. They can tell if these were written by different people. Not only that, but there are now a number of search engines that faculty and admission officers can use to see if an essay contains strings of words that have appeared in other essays—you have no guarantee that the essay you bought wasn't also bought by 50 other students.

• You should get college essay help with both editing and proofreading
• A good editor will ask questions about your idea, logic, and structure, and will point out places where clarity is needed
• A good editor will absolutely not answer these questions, give you their own ideas, or write the essay or parts of the essay for you
• A good proofreader will find typos and check your formatting
• All of them agree that getting light editing and proofreading is necessary
• Parents, teachers, guidance or college counselor, and peers or siblings
• If you can't ask any of those, you can pay for college essay help, but watch out for services or coaches who over-edit you work
• Don't buy a pre-written essay! Colleges can tell, and it'll make your whole application sound false.

Ready to start working on your essay? Check out our explanation of the point of the personal essay and the role it plays on your applications and then explore our step-by-step guide to writing a great college essay .

Using the Common Application for your college applications? We have an excellent guide to the Common App essay prompts and useful advice on how to pick the Common App prompt that's right for you . Wondering how other people tackled these prompts? Then work through our roundup of over 130 real college essay examples published by colleges .

Stressed about whether to take the SAT again before submitting your application? Let us help you decide how many times to take this test . If you choose to go for it, we have the ultimate guide to studying for the SAT to give you the ins and outs of the best ways to study.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Holly R. "I am absolutely overjoyed and cannot thank you enough for helping me!”

Why It's So Important to Ask for Help When You Need It

The only mistake you can make is not asking for help. —Sandeep Jauhar

Do you ask for help when you don’t know how to do something or can’t manage it on your own? Or, rather than look stupid and incompetent, do you pretend like you know what you’re doing? Perhaps you think asking for help is a sign of weakness; that if you ask for help you’re admitting you’re inadequate in some way; that you lack knowledge, skill or experience to do something yourself. You don’t want anyone to see that you’re struggling; you want people to think that you’re in control and can handle things.

You get in your own way if you make asking for help mean something negative about you when it doesn’t. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re stupid or inadequate, it simply means you need help with something specific for a time.

Instead of seeing that we are giving others an opportunity to contribute, we think that asking for help means we are a burden.

But confident people often ask others for help, not only because they’re secure enough to let it be known they need help but they know that trying to do everything themselves is not always the best use of their time, skills or energy and that it can leave them feeling overwhelmed and stressed and then they can’t do things properly. Confident people find someone who’s good at what they need to learn or get done and then ask for their help and guidance. They know that asking, ‘Can you help me?’ shows respect for the other person’s knowledge and abilities. Otherwise, they wouldn’t ask.

Refusing to ask for help is counter-productive; you’re more likely to berate yourself when you can’t get it done well or on time, which only serves to knock your self-esteem and confidence further.

In practice

Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful. —Rick Okasek

Change your beliefs and expectations.  Telling yourself, ‘I should know and be able to do this. They’re going to think I’m hopeless if I ask for help’ is unrealistic. More empowering beliefs that will encourage

you to ask for help are, ‘Of course I don’t know everything. Asking for help is responsible, to me and to others. I can get things done well if I ask someone else to help me.’

Tell yourself that asking for help is less embarrassing than failing at whatever you’re finding difficult.

If the problem you’re seeking help for is an aspect of a team project or social event, know that you’re letting other people down by not seeking help; you’re not the only one affected if you refuse to seek help.

Make it easy for someone to help you.  Ask the right person for their help – someone who has the ability, knowledge or time. (Don’t ask someone who’ll make you feel stupid for asking.)

Be direct – don’t drop hints, sigh or look sad.  Clearly explain what you need help with. Don’t waffle or apologise for needing help. Don’t say, ‘I know you’re really busy, so only if you have time … only if you want to… sorry, I know this is a lot to ask …’ Talking like this infers that you don’t consider yourself, your time or the request to be valuable. Instead, simply say, ‘I need help with … would you be able to … by tomorrow for me?’ This way, the person is clear about what, how and when to help you.

Practise asking for help.  Make a list of what you could ask for help with: the laundry? Walking the dog? Maybe you need help to manage a health condition? Ask for help!

Further reading

Let your unconscious mind help you, does psychotherapy really help, why you can't make it alone, therapy helped me see there is strength in asking for help .

This is an edited extract from   Confidence Pocketbook: Little Exercises for a Self-Assured Life   by Gill Hasson (published by Capstone)

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Asking for help is hard, but people want to help more than we realize, Stanford scholar says

We underestimate just how willing people want to assist others and how positive they feel about doing so.

Asking for help is hard, but others want to help more than we often give them credit for, says Stanford social psychologist Xuan Zhao .

Xuan Zhao (Image credit: Anne Ryan)

We shy away from asking for help because we don’t want to bother other people, assuming that our request will feel like an inconvenience to them. But oftentimes, the opposite is true: People want to make a difference in people’s lives and they feel good – happy even – when they are able to help others, said Zhao.

Here, Zhao discusses the research about how asking for help can lead to meaningful experiences and strengthen relationships with others – friends as well as strangers.

Zhao is a research scientist at Stanford SPARQ , a research center in the Psychology Department that brings researchers and practitioners together to fight bias, reduce disparities, and drive culture change. Zhao’s research focuses on helping people create better social interactions in person and online where they feel seen, heard, connected, and appreciated. Her research, recently published in Psychological Science ,  suggests that people regularly underestimate others’ willingness to help.

This fall, Zhao will be co-teaching a two-session workshop Science-Based Practices for a Flourishing Life through Stanford’s well-being program for employees, BeWell.

Why is asking for help hard? For someone who finds it difficult to ask for help, what would you like them to know?

There are several common reasons why people struggle to ask for help. Some people may fear that asking for help would make them appear incompetent, weak, or inferior – recent research from Stanford doctoral student Kayla Good finds that children as young as seven can hold this belief. Some people are concerned about being rejected, which can be embarrassing and painful. Others may be concerned about burdening and inconveniencing others – a topic I recently explored.  These concerns may feel more relevant in some contexts than others, but they are all very relatable and very human.

The good news is those concerns are oftentimes exaggerated and mistaken.

What do people misunderstand about asking for help?

When people are in need of help, they are often caught up in their own concerns and worries and do not fully recognize the prosocial motivations of those around them who are ready to help. This can introduce a persistent difference between how help-seekers and potential helpers consider the same helping event. To test this idea, we conducted several experiments where people either directly interacted with each other to seek and offer help, or imagined or recalled such experiences in everyday life. We consistently observed that help-seekers underestimated how willing strangers – and even friends – would be to help them and how positive helpers would feel afterward, and overestimated how inconvenienced helpers would feel.

These patterns are consistent with work by Stanford psychologist Dale Miller showing that when thinking about what motivates other people, we tend to apply a more pessimistic, self-interested view about human nature. After all, Western societies tend to value independence, so asking others to go out of their way to do something for us may seem wrong or selfish and may impose a somewhat negative experience on the helper.

The truth is, most of us are deeply prosocial and want to make a positive difference in others’ lives. Work by Stanford psychologist Jamil Zaki has shown that empathizing with and helping others in need seems to be an intuitive response, and dozens of studies , including my own, have found that people often feel happier after conducting acts of kindness. These findings extend earlier research by Stanford Professor Frank Flynn and colleagues suggesting that people tend to overestimate how likely their direct request for help would be rejected by others. Finally, other research has even shown that seeking advice can even boost how competent the help-seeker is seen by the advice-giver.

Why is asking for help particularly important? 

We love stories about spontaneous help, and that may explain why random acts of kindness go viral on social media. But in reality , the majority of help occurs only after a request has been made. It’s often not because people don’t want to help and must be pressed to do so. Quite the opposite, people want to help, but they can’t help if they don’t know someone is suffering or struggling, or what the other person needs and how to help effectively, or whether it is their place to help – perhaps they want to respect others’ privacy or agency. A direct request can remove those uncertainties, such that asking for help enables kindness and unlocks opportunities for positive social connections. It can also create emotional closeness when you realize someone trusts you enough to share their vulnerabilities, and by working together toward a shared goal.

It feels like some requests for help may be harder to ask than others. What does research say about different types of help, and how can we use those insights to help us figure out how we should ask for help?

Many factors can influence how difficult it may feel to ask for help. Our recent research has primarily focused on everyday scenarios where the other person is clearly able to help, and all you need is to show up and ask. In some other cases, the kind of help you need may require more specific skills or resources. As long as you make your request Specific, Meaningful, Action-oriented, Realistic, and Time-bound (also known as the SMART criteria ), people will likely be happy to help and feel good after helping.

Of course, not all requests have to be specific. When we face mental health challenges, we may have difficulty articulating what kind of help we need. It is okay to reach out to mental health resources and take the time to figure things out together. They are there to help, and they are happy to help.

You mentioned how cultural norms can get in the way of people asking for help. What is one thing we can all do to rethink the role society plays in our lives?

Work on independent and interdependent cultures by Hazel Markus , faculty director of Stanford SPARQ , can shed much light on this issue. Following her insights, I think we can all benefit from having a little bit more interdependency in our micro- and macro-environments. For instance, instead of promoting “self-care” and implying that it is people’s own responsibility to sort through their own struggles, perhaps our culture could emphasize the value of caring for each other and create more safe spaces to allow open discussions about our challenges and imperfections.

What inspired your research?

I have always been fascinated by social interaction – how we understand and misunderstand each other’s minds, and how social psychology can help people create more positive and meaningful connections. That’s why I have studied topics such as giving compliments , discussing disagreement , sharing personal failures, creating inclusive conversations on social media , and translating social and positive psychology research as daily practices for the public . This project is also motivated by that general passion.

But a more immediate trigger of this project is reading scholarly work suggesting that the reason why people underestimate their likelihood of getting help is because they don’t recognize how uncomfortable and awkward it would be for someone to say “no” to their request. I agree that people underestimate their chance of getting help upon a direct ask, but based on my personal experience, I saw a different reason – when people ask me for help, I often feel genuinely motivated to help them, more than feeling social pressure and a wish to avoid saying no. This project is to voice my different interpretation on why people agree to help. And given that I’ve seen people who have struggled for too long until it was too late to ask for help, I hope my findings can offer them a bit more comfort when the next time they can really use a helping hand and are debating whether they should ask.

Productivity

Harness the power of asking for help, how to ask for help at any age..

Posted June 14, 2021 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

Why are so many people reluctant to ask for help? In a recent LinkedIn poll, I asked members if they felt comfortable asking for help, and roughly 21% said no. So, what makes it difficult for people to ask for help? Let's take a step back in time to elementary school to get an idea. Ryan (1998) found that kids were reluctant to ask for help in elementary school settings if they thought their ability was being measured. On the other hand, kids had an easier time asking for help when they perceived asking for help would affect their self-performance. This pattern of thinking remains in adulthood. And, just as it is for children, this may be due to our perceptions. If we perceive that asking for help will help our performance, we are more likely to ask for help. However, if we perceive that asking for help will mean someone will view us as needy, not well equipped to do a task, or incompetent, we aren't likely to dip our toes into the help-seeking waters.

Here's what we know can help you harness the power of asking for help:

1. Frame your ask. If you frame your need as helping you to improve your performance or do something productive, this will help you ask for help. That is because you aren't viewing yourself as needy or incompetent. You are, instead, looking to solve a problem or improve yourself or your situation. This is an important distinction to make. You want to see yourself as proactive. This provides a potential helper something specific to help you with.

2. People like to help people who ask for help. In most cases, people are eager to help others. This is why volunteering, mentoring, and philanthropy endeavors are so popular. The adage "tis better to give than to receive" is actually true. Giving to others is especially worthwhile when there is meaning and productivity attached to it.

3. Help others. When you help others, it gives you perspective on how it feels to give to others. Take note of how much enjoyment you get from helping a person solve a problem. Allow yourself to see "the other side" so you can see that you aren't a burden, incompetent, or needy. You will likely be much better at asking if you've had the chance to give.

There are so many examples of the power of asking. One example was from the height of the COVID pandemic in Italy. Cristiano Galbiati, a Princeton physicist on Sabbatical in Sardinia, wanted to create a solution for hospitals in need of ventilators. He wanted to create one that would be open source and inexpensive. He asked for help from his friend, physicist Art McDonald, the 2015 Nobel Laureate. Art said yes . Then Art asked his friends. They said yes , and in the end, 150 researchers and engineers from nine countries said yes to helping out. Hardly any of them knew Cristiano and Art. They still said yes . This didn't take long either — just weeks. If Cristiano thought others would see him as needy or incompetent, he wouldn't have asked for help. Instead, he did ask for help, and his invention helped save thousands of lives around.

A 15-year-old student Eitan Gotian asked for help to patent an idea to create a door handle that does not require hands to open. He had no idea where to begin to patent his idea. He asked for help from Bob Cousins, the 2020 Inventor of the year, and top-notch IP lawyer Jura Zibas. This is an intimidating duo for anyone, let alone a 15-year-old. When he asked for help, they immediately said yes . And they helped him for free. In a matter of months, Eitan had his patent-pending papers, which he proudly showed to his mentors. It wasn't clear who was more excited or proud, the mentors or the mentee. But one thing is certain: Everyone involved would have been denied the joy of success had Eitan not asked for help.

It doesn't matter what age or level of ability a person has when asking for help. What matters is the intent. When asking for help, the key is to be solution-focused. Make sure your ask will solve a problem or further yourself, your work, or your agenda. And, most importantly, remember that most people want to help. They will be excited to see you succeed.

Ryan, A. M., Gheen, M. H., & Midgley, C. (1998). Why Do Some Students Avoid Asking for Help?: An Examination of the Interplay Among Students’ Academic Efficacy, Teachers’ Social-Emotional Role, and the Classroom Goal Structure. Journal of Educational Psychology, 90(3), 528–535. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-0663.90.3.528

Deborah Heiser holds a Ph.D. in Applied Developmental Psychology and specializes in midlife and beyond. She is a TEDx speaker, adjunct professor, coach, author, and Founder of The Mentor Project™.

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Go Ahead, Ask for Help. People Are Happy to Give It.

Asking for help can be hard, but new research suggests we underestimate how willing people are to lend a hand.

By Catherine Pearson

Many things can get in the way of asking others for help: Fear of rejection. Fear of imposing. The pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps mythology so ingrained in American culture.

But new research suggests many of us underestimate how willing — even happy! — others are to lend a helping hand.

The study , published in the journal Psychological Science this month, included six small experiments involving more than 2,000 participants — all designed to compare the perspectives of those asking for help with the perspectives of helpers.

Across all of the experiments, those asking for help consistently underestimated how willing friends and strangers were to assist, as well as how good the helpers felt afterward.

And the researchers believe those miscalibrated expectations might stand in the way of people’s asking for help in ways big and small.

“These kinds of expectations in our heads can create barriers that might not be warranted,” said Xuan Zhao, a co-author of the study and a psychologist and research scientist with SPARQ, a behavioral science research center at Stanford University.

In one experiment, Dr. Zhao and her co-author recruited 100 participants at a public botanical garden who were given the task of asking strangers to take their photo at a particularly picturesque spot. Before doing so, the askers anticipated how difficult or awkward it would feel for strangers to say “no” to their request. They also guessed how those who agreed to take the photos might feel after.

The researchers then asked the strangers who snapped photos how they had felt about helping out and discovered a discrepancy: Those asking for the photo underestimated how willing strangers were to help and overestimated how inconvenienced they felt by helping. (Only four people declined.) They also underestimated how good the strangers would feel after helping out.

In another experiment, 198 participants were asked to recall a recent instance when they had either asked for or offered help. Their experiences ran the gamut: writing a letter of recommendation for graduate school, showing someone how to use a parking meter, providing emotional support to a friend in a toxic romantic relationship.

Those who had helped someone after being asked to do so answered questions about how willing they felt to do so, while those who had asked for help guessed how willing they thought the person helping them had been. Overall, those who had asked for help believed that their helpers were less willing to assist than the helpers later said they were.

The researchers acknowledged in their study that their experiment in the botanical garden had tested a relatively simple request that could easily be fulfilled and that more difficult requests — or even ones that were morally questionable — might prompt a different response. They also noted that there were cultural differences in how asking for and giving help might be perceived. They hope to see future research looking at those types of questions. But they believe their findings offer strong evidence that pessimistic expectations around asking for help are often misplaced.

“We feel good making a positive difference in other people’s lives,” Dr. Zhao said. “Helping makes people feel better.”

How to ask for help

The new study joins a growing body of research that suggests we tend to undervalue the power of “prosocial” behaviors, or acting in ways that are kind and helpful toward others, often to the detriment of our physical and emotional health.

A study published in July found that casually reaching out to a friend, even with just a quick text , means more than we realize. An August study led by Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business who was also co-author on the new study about helping, found we tend to underestimate the power of engaging in simple gestures of kindness , like buying someone a cup of coffee.

There are a variety of physical and mental health benefits of helping others, including the so-called helper’s high , which refers to the emotional and even physiological benefits associated with giving to others, including lower levels of stress hormones. A study conducted earlier in the Covid pandemic found that engaging in helpful behaviors, like buying masks, hand sanitizer or food for others, improved the helper’s sense of connection and meaning.

Because actually asking for help can feel uncomfortable, experts say practice is important. Wayne Baker, a professor with the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business and author of “All You Have to Do Is Ask: How to Master the Most Important Skill for Success,” encourages people to be deliberate about making a thoughtful request.

Dr. Baker suggested asking yourself: “What is your objective? What are you trying to accomplish?” He did not work on the new research but said he was not at all surprised by the conclusion that people tend to underestimate others’ willingness and ability to lend a hand.

Dr. Baker promotes what he calls the “SMART” system for asking for help. It was designed for workplace settings, but he believes it is applicable across contexts. As much as possible, requests should be:

M eaningful (so all parties know why you are asking)

A ction oriented

T ime-bound

It can also be helpful to give people an “out” up front, particularly for a bigger request, said Lizzie Post, a co-president of the Emily Post Institute and a great-great-granddaughter of the renowned etiquette expert whose name the institute bears. If, for example, you are asking a grandparent to watch your children for several days, Ms. Post suggested you might say something like: “Hey, Mom, it would be great if you can, but no pressure if you can’t. We will be able to find someone else.”

As much as possible, express gratitude afterward, whether with a handwritten thank you note, a heartfelt text or email, or an in-person thank you, Ms. Post advised.

“It could be anything, but expressing that gratitude and making sure you don’t miss it when someone is generous toward you is important,” she said, and it might help assuage the feeling that you have imposed on someone by asking for their assistance.

But as the new research suggests, people are generally happy to lend a hand, and asking for help is not as burdensome as we might imagine.

“Our research provides this comfort,” Dr. Zhao said, “that you might be really underestimating how willing others are to help.”

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How to Politely Ask for Help When You Really Need It

Updated 09/2/2022

Published 05/28/2020

Erika Krull, MSEd, LMHP

Licensed Mental Health Practitioner

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

Everyone needs help once in a while. But the simple question “Can you help me?” may cause a lot of stress and embarrassment. Why? Many of us want to look strong and capable, and asking for help often gets mistaken for a sign of weakness. Asking for help is a natural part of life, so why not learn how to do it better?

Jump ahead to these sections:

Step 1: take the risk of asking , step 2: clarify what kind of help you need , step 3: be thoughtful about who to ask , step 4: be thoughtful about how to ask, step 5: be specific .

• Step 6: “Can You Help Me?”

Step 7: Give Help to Others 

Examples of how to ask for help in any situation .

The following steps will unpack the process of asking for help. You’ll learn about why you should ask for help more often, and how to prepare yourself before you say a word. You’ll also see how the way you ask can vary in different situations.

People often don’t ask for help because they assume the person they ask might say “no.” The fear of rejection is strong, and nearly every human worries about this to some degree. Asking for help can be uncomfortable, and people want to avoid the embarrassment of rejection, so they say nothing. 

But several research studies have shown that people often guess wrong about the people they want to ask. People generally like to see themselves as useful and are often willing to take action when asked. That social pressure alone drives people to say, “ how can I help ,” even if they would hesitate for other reasons. 

So go ahead, ask for help more often and see what happens.

Before you ask for help, clarify what you need. Knowing this can determine who you ask and what you need them to do. Think about your problem and decide what missing part matters the most. 

Do you need to explain a big picture situation, or do you have a specific topic to discuss? Do you need to gather knowledge or complete a task? Write down what you need so you can say it clearly. Make sure your list is simple and accurate so it’s easier to get the right kind of help.

Once you know what kind of help you need, consider who to ask. Keep in mind you may need to speak to a few different people before you get the help you need.

• Consider what kind of information you need. Do you need to speak to a professional? Or can a friend or family member help?
• If you aren’t sure who could help you, pick someone that may have some knowledge and start there.
• You may need to approach someone you’ve never met before to get help. If this is your best option, gather your courage and prepare to ask.

How you ask for help makes a big difference, so think about how you’d like someone to approach you. Use the following tips to improve your chances of getting a “yes”: 

• Avoid making your request sound like a demand - A request without context can imply that the other person is obliged to do something for you. 
• Appeal to them with kindness and humility - You want to promote empathy from the other person, so show your vulnerability in some way. Say that you can’t figure something out or that you tried something that didn’t work. 
• Show trust and respect - Show a willingness to listen and learn from the other person. Your respectful behavior shows that you are open-minded and trusting. 
• Be considerate of timing - If possible, avoid asking for help at the last minute or odd times of the day. Recognize that you may be interrupting them, then ask about a good time to talk.

Use newsgathering questions to get more specific about what you need to ask.

• Who - Who needs help? Clarify if it’s only you or if others are involved.
• How - How will their actions help you? Explain what you have tried already and where you fall short.
• Why - Why did you choose them to help you? Mention their expertise, a referral, or your personal connection.
• Where - Where do you need to have help? Narrow down the part that you need help with, or a physical location if that applies.
• When - When do you need help? State a deadline, if you have one.
• What - What is your specific need? Spell out what you want in plain language.

Step 6: "Can You Help Me?"

Ending your request with this question is another way to show your vulnerability. Most people want to be helpful, and a person is less likely to turn you away when you ask this question directly. 

Even if the other person isn’t able to help, they are more likely to reply with kindness. They might suggest different ways of getting assistance or other people to ask.

Make a habit of offering your time and talents to others. Not only can you understand what it’s like to be on the other side of the coin, but the process can seem less intimidating.

It also moves your mindset in a generous direction, which is good for all your social connections.

How you ask for help can vary in different settings. These examples show what to focus on when you approach someone.

How to ask for help at work or school 

Teamwork is essential in both work and school environments. Be respectful of timing, and emphasize the positives of helping you.

• “I’m not sure if you’re the right person to ask, but I appreciate your time. I need help creating this document, and I heard you know a lot about it.”
• “Hi, I’m in your English class and your Algebra class. If you can help me with this essay, we could go through our Algebra homework together.”
• “Jess, I have this report almost finished, but I’m terrible at spreadsheets. I know you do these all the time, so can I show you one chart? See what I could do better?”

How to ask a family member or friend for help 

Because of your close relationship, friends and family are often willing to support you. Ask with the intent of giving help in return, and use your request as a chance to spend time together.

• “Could you help me move some furniture in my house this weekend? I’ll order a pizza, and we can watch the game together.”
• “I’ve been working extra shifts lately, and my house is a nightmare. Can you help me sort through some things in my storage room? Next time you clean out your garage, I’m there!”
• “I’ve been having trouble sleeping, and I haven’t planned anything for dinner. You can pick out dessert if you help me put a meal together.”

How to ask for help after a death or tragedy 

If you need help when you’re grieving , ask friends and family. Your loved ones will want to pitch in but may not know where you need help the most. Talk to a close friend or family about cooking, social support, or getting a specific task done.

• “Mom, I just need to be alone today before the memorial service. Can you take a message if someone calls or stops over?”
• “Julie, I feel so frazzled and have so much to do after Dad died. Mom could use some meals delivered to the house. Can you take care of that? ”
• “We need help cleaning up the basement after it flooded. Could you come out one day next week so we can pull up the carpet?”

Post-planning tip: If you are the executor for a deceased loved one, handling their unfinished business can be overwhelming without a way to organize your process. We have a post-loss checklist  that will help you ensure that your loved one's family, estate, and other affairs are taken care of.

How to ask for help with your mental or physical health 

It can feel uncomfortable to ask for help with physical or mental health issues, especially since it can feel like you don’t seem like you’re “visibly” sick. But needing support like this doesn’t make you a weak or less valuable person. Be specific with your needs and know that others care about your wellbeing.

• “I don’t feel like getting out of bed, but my doctor said I had to take a walk every day. Can you walk with me?”
• “I have to cut out a lot of things in my diet now, and you’re a lot better at cooking than I am. Want to come over this weekend and teach me a few easy recipes?”
• “I’m supposed to take it easy on my back now, but I have a lot of yard work to do this week. Can you help me get the yard trimmings up to the truck?”

How to ask for help with finances or money 

If you ask anyone for money, offer your time and service in return. Be understanding if they decline, and help them brainstorm other ways to help you.

• “I’ve never done my taxes by myself, and I’m nervous about making a mistake. Can you go through it with me?”
• “I’m having trouble paying my bills right now. If you can loan me some money, I’ll help you around the house or do jobs for people in the neighborhood. Do you have some ideas?”

Asking for Help Means Being Grateful and Generous 

We all need help sometimes, but asking for it can feel uncomfortable. The more you do it, the easier it gets. And it’s about more than just helping you get a task done. Helping people is an opportunity to share your gratitude and generosity with others. It’s worth it to muster your courage and ask, “Can you help me?”

• Baker, Wayne. “5 Ways to Get Better at Asking for Help.” Harvard Business Review , December 18, 2014, hbr.org/2014/12/5-ways-to-get-better-at-asking-for-help
• Flynn, Frances, and Lake, Vanessa, “‘If You Need Help, Just Ask’: Underestimating compliance with direct requests for help.” Graduate School of Stanford Business , 2008, www.gsb.stanford.edu/faculty-research/publications/if-you-need-help-just-ask-underestimating-compliance-direct-requests

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Whom Should I Ask for Help with My College Essay?

←5 DIY Tips for Editing Your Own College Essays

College Essay Checklist→

Writing your personal statement may seem daunting; after all, it’s the one piece that will form the core of your presentation of your character and ambitions to admissions officers. However, fear not! The good news is that you likely have many people in your life to whom you can turn for help. 

So whom should you approach for help with your essay? There is no set rule on who can or can’t provide advice and assistance—as long as you are the one doing the actual writing, of course. (It’s important to remember that if you don’t write your own essay, the consequences can be severe .) 

Read on for a list of the type of people who might be able to help out, as well as the pros and cons of each.

Your English Teachers

Your English teachers are default choices not only because they are experts on the fundamentals of writing and grammar, but also because they are familiar with your writing style and strengths. You can ask your English teachers to proofread your essay—catch grammatical errors, spelling mistakes, typos, and awkward phrasing—as well as offer suggestions on structure and content.

Keep in mind that many of your classmates may be asking your teachers for help, too, so don’t take it personally if the teacher you ask is unable to help you within the time frame you need. Thus, during peak college applications period, it is crucial to give your teachers at least 3 weeks’ time to read and offer suggestions. 

You can also consider asking someone who taught you English in an earlier grade, since they are probably getting fewer requests. Or, think about asking someone who taught you a different subject, such as social studies or history. Writing is a skill required in a myriad of subjects, so it is probable that there are other teachers who are familiar with your writing and are willing to provide feedback on your essay.

Keep in mind that although they are authorities on the subject of writing, you shouldn’t accept every suggestion blindly. 

Think twice about edits that render your college essay overly “academic” in tone.  Also remember that what your teachers are used to looking for in a stand-out essay is likely different from what admissions officers look for. With any content suggestions, always remember your overall message, and reflect on whether these changes would accentuate or detract from your application theme . 

Peers and Classmates

Another good option is your peers and classmates. For the personal statement in particular, they are probably more likely than teachers to gauge whether your essay is a good reflection of you and your voice. It is called the personal statement for a reason, and your essay should definitely do its best to convey who you are to a reader. 

However, they are also students who haven’t been through the admissions process before, so take this fact into consideration. Contextualize their advice, and always consider whether their suggestions would change the core theme or tone of your essay. 

Your School Counselor

A bit part of the school counselor’s job is to guide students through the college application process. Ideally, they should have the keenest eye on what works or doesn’t work for a college essay, and what colleges generally want to see in personal statements.  

You can go to your counselor for help with interpreting a prompt if you are struggling with ideas, or for review of an essay you’ve already written. For school-specific essays, your guidance counselor may be able to provide input as to what specific admissions committees like to see. Do remember that your counselor is not an admissions officer, so exercise your own judgement with regards to suggestions. 

Family Members

If you have older siblings or other family members who have been through the college applications process within the past few years, they might also be a good resource for questions and other support, particularly if they applied to the same or similar colleges to the ones on your list. Since they went through the process recently, they understand what you’re going through. As family members, there’s probably going to more transparency; they are probably going to more direct with suggestions, and you can voice your own concerns more clearly. 

Family members who attended or were accepted to your target schools recently are the best audience. They will be able to tell you what particular qualities the school values, and what they think gave them the edge in their application. (See following section).

If they didn’t apply to the schools on your list, it may be best to just treat them as another casual reader, and use this chance to catch small technical errors. If they applied more than a few years ago, also keep in mind that the process may have changed, so also take their advice with a grain of salt.

College X Alumni/Alumnae and Current Students

Graduates and current students of a particular college on your list could be one of your best resources, since they can provide the most specialized help for the school in question. These people know the culture of the college and have the best sense of what the admissions committee is looking for in a candidate. Current students may have even responded to the same prompt, and can provide advice unique to that specific essay.

If you know an alum of or current student at a college to which you are applying, it may be a good idea to reach out and ask if they can read your essay and offer any school-specific advice. If you don’t know anyone affiliated with the college, consider the various networks you have at your disposal. Perhaps an alum of your high school attended that college and could offer advice. Even if you don’t know these people personally, a shared connection might make them more willing to offer support. You could also check with school counselor to see if they might be able to connect you with alumni from a specific college.

Wrapping it Up

Feel free to ask multiple people to read your essay ­– it’s smart to get different perspectives on your work. Regardless of whom you ask, be sure to always reflect on whether their advice changes the tone or message of your essay. You want to be sure you’re preserving your unique voice and that your essays reflect who you are.

Last but not least, thank your readers! Reading your essay and giving comments takes time. A thank you note is always a nice touch as well.

How CollegeVine can help with your essays 

CollegeVine offers many resources for students at any stage of the college applications process. If you’re looking for tips on mastering the essays for the particular colleges to which you are applying, check out our school-by-school essay breakdowns .

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How to Get the Help You Need: What to Say & When to Say It

Last Updated: March 16, 2024 Fact Checked

Asking for Help

What kind of help do you need, accepting help graciously, expert q&a.

This article was co-authored by Laurel Schwartz, MSW . Laurel Schwartz is a Crisis Counselor for Crisis Text Line, a nonprofit that has exchanged over 100 million messages with people in crisis around the US. Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 crisis support via text, and those in crisis can text 741741 to be connected with a trained Crisis Counselor. Laurel received her Master of Social Work from Columbia University in 2019, and has been featured on Forbes's "30 under 30" list for her work building the Crisis Text line brand. There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 335,393 times.

Maybe you’re a new parent overwhelmed by keeping the house in order. Or maybe you’re a student struggling with a tough homework assignment. Everyone has been in a situation where they could use some help. Unfortunately, it can feel tough to ask for help. Maybe you feel embarrassed or scared that you’ll be turned down. Don’t worry! Once you figure out what you need, you can make a polite and organized request. Chances are someone will be happy to give you the help you need! [1] X Research source

• If you’re not sure whether or not it is a good time, just ask. You can say, “I’ve love to ask for your help with something. Is there a time that’s good for you to talk?”

• Maybe you’re traveling alone in a new city. If you’re lost, ask for directions. Stop into a nearby store, or ask the bus driver which stop you need.
• You may feel vulnerable speaking up for help, but a certain degree of vulnerability can help you find the help you need. Don't feel weak, insecure, or embarrassed by asking for help.

• Instead of saying to your partner, “I need you to help more around the house,” you may say, “Could you please take the trash out and also do a load of laundry, please?”

• Don’t tell your co-worker, “I’m so swamped! Could you cover for me at the meeting this afternoon?” That might imply that you’re busy, but you don’t think your co-worker is. Instead, say, “I know we’re both busy, but you seem to be handling the stress better than me. Do you have time to take my place at the meeting this afternoon so that I can get caught up?”

• Try not to say things like, “I’m so stupid. I’ll never get Algebra. Can you help me again?” Instead, say, “This is complicated, but I know I can do it. Would you mind showing me another sample problem?”

• Maybe you just had your first mentoring session with your boss. You might feel like you didn’t receive the sort of helpful advice that you were hoping for. Instead of canceling your next meeting, try again. Prepare a list of specific questions that you have for them.
• If you asked someone for help and they didn't come through, don't be afraid to ask someone else. Sometimes, you may need to reach out to a few people before getting assistance.

• If your friend is sick, offer to drop off some food for them. You’ll likely receive the same kind treatment when you find yourself in a bind.

• Go to the grocery store
• Take the kids to dentist appointments
• Walk the dog
• Help with depression

• Your partner
• Your siblings
• Your children
• Your best friend
• Your neighbors

• This is called delegating tasks. Delegating tasks to people you trust can help you reduce stress, especially in times when you need extra help.

• If your professor stayed after class to go over your paper with you, say, “Thanks for staying. I appreciate your time.”
• Maybe your teen did some extra chores around the house when you were working late. Say, “That was really helpful of you to get dinner started.”

• You could tell your partner, “Thanks for making dinner tonight. It meant a lot to me to be able to just put my feet up after a long day at work.”
• ↑ https://www.cnbc.com/2020/04/22/why-asking-for-help-is-so-hard-and-how-to-get-better-at-it.html
• ↑ https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/your-guide-to-support/reaching-out-for-help/
• ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/help-obstacles.html
• ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_overcome_your_reluctance_to_ask_for_help_at_work
• ↑ http://fortune.com/2014/08/28/how-asking-for-help-actually-helps-you/
• ↑ https://hbr.org/2014/12/5-ways-to-get-better-at-asking-for-help
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201106/how-ask-help
• ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/gratitude_personal_essay
• ↑ https://hbr.org/2013/02/how-to-give-a-meaningful-thank

• It’s okay to ask for help. Everyone needs help at some point. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• Make sure to say thank you. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
• You could even send your helper a gift or a card to express your gratitude. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

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About This Article

Asking for help is easier if you can articulate your needs. You may want to make a list of what you need help with and rank the importance of each need by assigning a number from 1-10 to every item. Next make a list of people who could help you and match each person with a particular need that they are best suited to aid with. When asking for help, clearly state your need in a positive, self-confident way. Finally, when you do receive help, thank those who stepped up in a sincere and specific manner. To learn more from our Counselor co-author, like who to ask for help for your situation, keep reading the article! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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Tips for Writing an Effective Application Essay

Find the right college for you.

Writing an essay for college admission gives you a chance to use your authentic voice and show your personality. It's an excellent opportunity to personalize your application beyond your academic credentials, and a well-written essay can have a positive influence come decision time.

Want to know how to draft an essay for your college application ? Here are some tips to keep in mind when writing.

Tips for Essay Writing

A typical college application essay, also known as a personal statement, is 400-600 words. Although that may seem short, writing about yourself can be challenging. It's not something you want to rush or put off at the last moment. Think of it as a critical piece of the application process. Follow these tips to write an impactful essay that can work in your favor.

1. Start Early.

Few people write well under pressure. Try to complete your first draft a few weeks before you have to turn it in. Many advisers recommend starting as early as the summer before your senior year in high school. That way, you have ample time to think about the prompt and craft the best personal statement possible.

You don't have to work on your essay every day, but you'll want to give yourself time to revise and edit. You may discover that you want to change your topic or think of a better way to frame it. Either way, the sooner you start, the better.

2. Understand the Prompt and Instructions.

Before you begin the writing process, take time to understand what the college wants from you. The worst thing you can do is skim through the instructions and submit a piece that doesn't even fit the bare minimum requirements or address the essay topic. Look at the prompt, consider the required word count, and note any unique details each school wants.

3. Create a Strong Opener.

Students seeking help for their application essays often have trouble getting things started. It's a challenging writing process. Finding the right words to start can be the hardest part.

Spending more time working on your opener is always a good idea. The opening sentence sets the stage for the rest of your piece. The introductory paragraph is what piques the interest of the reader, and it can immediately set your essay apart from the others.

4. Stay on Topic.

One of the most important things to remember is to keep to the essay topic. If you're applying to 10 or more colleges, it's easy to veer off course with so many application essays.

A common mistake many students make is trying to fit previously written essays into the mold of another college's requirements. This seems like a time-saving way to avoid writing new pieces entirely, but it often backfires. The result is usually a final piece that's generic, unfocused, or confusing. Always write a new essay for every application, no matter how long it takes.

5. Think About Your Response.

Don't try to guess what the admissions officials want to read. Your essay will be easier to write─and more exciting to read─if you’re genuinely enthusiastic about your subject. Here’s an example: If all your friends are writing application essays about covid-19, it may be a good idea to avoid that topic, unless during the pandemic you had a vivid, life-changing experience you're burning to share. Whatever topic you choose, avoid canned responses. Be creative.

6. Focus on You.

Essay prompts typically give you plenty of latitude, but panel members expect you to focus on a subject that is personal (although not overly intimate) and particular to you. Admissions counselors say the best essays help them learn something about the candidate that they would never know from reading the rest of the application.

7. Stay True to Your Voice.

Use your usual vocabulary. Avoid fancy language you wouldn't use in real life. Imagine yourself reading this essay aloud to a classroom full of people who have never met you. Keep a confident tone. Be wary of words and phrases that undercut that tone.

8. Be Specific and Factual.

Capitalize on real-life experiences. Your essay may give you the time and space to explain why a particular achievement meant so much to you. But resist the urge to exaggerate and embellish. Admissions counselors read thousands of essays each year. They can easily spot a fake.

9. Edit and Proofread.

When you finish the final draft, run it through the spell checker on your computer. Then don’t read your essay for a few days. You'll be more apt to spot typos and awkward grammar when you reread it. After that, ask a teacher, parent, or college student (preferably an English or communications major) to give it a quick read. While you're at it, double-check your word count.

Writing essays for college admission can be daunting, but it doesn't have to be. A well-crafted essay could be the deciding factor─in your favor. Keep these tips in mind, and you'll have no problem creating memorable pieces for every application.

What is the format of a college application essay?

Generally, essays for college admission follow a simple format that includes an opening paragraph, a lengthier body section, and a closing paragraph. You don't need to include a title, which will only take up extra space. Keep in mind that the exact format can vary from one college application to the next. Read the instructions and prompt for more guidance.

Most online applications will include a text box for your essay. If you're attaching it as a document, however, be sure to use a standard, 12-point font and use 1.5-spaced or double-spaced lines, unless the application specifies different font and spacing.

How do you start an essay?

The goal here is to use an attention grabber. Think of it as a way to reel the reader in and interest an admissions officer in what you have to say. There's no trick on how to start a college application essay. The best way you can approach this task is to flex your creative muscles and think outside the box.

You can start with openers such as relevant quotes, exciting anecdotes, or questions. Either way, the first sentence should be unique and intrigue the reader.

What should an essay include?

Every application essay you write should include details about yourself and past experiences. It's another opportunity to make yourself look like a fantastic applicant. Leverage your experiences. Tell a riveting story that fulfills the prompt.

What shouldn’t be included in an essay?

When writing a college application essay, it's usually best to avoid overly personal details and controversial topics. Although these topics might make for an intriguing essay, they can be tricky to express well. If you’re unsure if a topic is appropriate for your essay, check with your school counselor. An essay for college admission shouldn't include a list of achievements or academic accolades either. Your essay isn’t meant to be a rehashing of information the admissions panel can find elsewhere in your application.

How can you make your essay personal and interesting?

The best way to make your essay interesting is to write about something genuinely important to you. That could be an experience that changed your life or a valuable lesson that had an enormous impact on you. Whatever the case, speak from the heart, and be honest.

Is it OK to discuss mental health in an essay?

Mental health struggles can create challenges you must overcome during your education and could be an opportunity for you to show how you’ve handled challenges and overcome obstacles. If you’re considering writing your essay for college admission on this topic, consider talking to your school counselor or with an English teacher on how to frame the essay.

Related Articles

Getting Feedback

What this handout is about.

Sometimes you’d like feedback from someone else about your writing, but you may not be sure how to get it. This handout describes when, where, how and from whom you might receive effective responses as you develop as a writer.

Why get feedback on your writing?

You’ll become a better writer, and writing will become a less painful process. When might you need feedback? You might be just beginning a paper and want to talk to someone else about your ideas. You might be midway through a draft and find that you are unsure about the direction you’ve decided to take. You might wonder why you received a lower grade than you expected on a paper, or you might not understand the comments that a TA or professor has written in the margins. Essentially, asking for feedback at any stage helps you break out of the isolation of writing. When you ask for feedback, you are no longer working in a void, wondering whether or not you understand the assignment and/or are making yourself understood. By seeking feedback from others, you are taking positive, constructive steps to improve your own writing and develop as a writer.

Why people don’t ask for feedback

• You worry that the feedback will be negative. Many people avoid asking others what they think about a piece of writing because they have a sneaking suspicion that the news will not be good. If you want to improve your writing, however, constructive criticism from others will help. Remember that the criticism you receive is only criticism of the writing and not of the writer.
• You don’t know whom to ask. The person who can offer the most effective feedback on your writing may vary depending on when you need the feedback and what kind of feedback you need. Keep in mind, though, that if you are really concerned about a piece of writing, almost any thoughtful reader (e.g., your roommate, mother, R.A., brother, etc.) can provide useful feedback that will help you improve your writing. Don’t wait for the expert; share your writing often and with a variety of readers.
• You don’t know how to ask. It can be awkward to ask for feedback, even if you know whom you want to ask. Asking someone, “Could you take a look at my paper?” or “Could you tell me if this is OK?” can sometimes elicit wonderfully rich responses. Usually, though, you need to be specific about where you are in the writing process and the kind of feedback that would help. You might say, “I’m really struggling with the organization of this paper. Could you read these paragraphs and see if the ideas seem to be in the right order?”
• You don’t want to take up your teacher’s time. You may be hesitant to go to your professor or TA to talk about your writing because you don’t want to bother them. The office hours that these busy people set aside, though, are reserved for your benefit, because the teachers on this campus want to communicate with students about their ideas and their work. Faculty can be especially generous and helpful with their advice when you drop by their office with specific questions and know the kinds of help you need. If you can’t meet during the instructor’s office hours, try making a special appointment. If you find that you aren’t able to schedule a time to talk with your instructor, remember that there are plenty of other people around you who can offer feedback.
• You’ve gotten feedback in the past that was unhelpful. If earlier experiences haven’t proved satisfactory, try again. Ask a different person, or ask for feedback in a new way. Experiment with asking for feedback at different stages in the writing process: when you are just beginning an assignment, when you have a draft, or when you think you are finished. Figure out when you benefit from feedback the most, the kinds of people you get the best feedback from, the kinds of feedback you need, and the ways to ask for that feedback effectively.
• You’re working remotely and aren’t sure how to solicit help. Help can feel “out of sight, out of mind” when working remotely, so it may take extra effort and research to reach out. Explore what resources are available to you and how you can access them. What type of remote feedback will benefit you most? Video conferencing, email correspondence, phone conversation, written feedback, or something else? Would it help to email your professor or TA ? Are you looking for the back and forth of a real-time conversation, or would it be more helpful to have written feedback to refer to as you work? Can you schedule an appointment with the Writing Center or submit a draft for written feedback ? Could joining or forming an online writing group help provide a source of feedback?

Possible writing moments for feedback

There is no “best time” to get feedback on a piece of writing. In fact, it is often helpful to ask for feedback at several different stages of a writing project. Listed below are some parts of the writing process and some kinds of feedback you might need in each. Keep in mind, though, that every writer is different—you might think about these issues at other stages of the writing process, and that’s fine.

• The beginning/idea stage: Do I understand the assignment? Am I gathering the right kinds of information to answer this question? Are my strategies for approaching this assignment effective ones? How can I discover the best way to develop my early ideas into a feasible draft?
• Outline/thesis: I have an idea about what I want to argue, but I’m not sure if it is an appropriate or complete response to this assignment. Is the way I’m planning to organize my ideas working? Does it look like I’m covering all the bases? Do I have a clear main point? Do I know what I want to say to the reader?
• Rough draft: Does my paper make sense, and is it interesting? Have I proven my thesis statement? Is the evidence I’m using convincing? Is it explained clearly? Have I given the reader enough information? Does the information seem to be in the right order? What can I say in my introduction and conclusion?
• Early polished draft: Are the transitions between my ideas smooth and effective? Do my sentences make sense individually? How’s my writing style?
• Late or final polished draft: Are there any noticeable spelling or grammar errors? Are my margins, footnotes, and formatting okay? Does the paper seem effective? Is there anything I should change at the last minute?
• After the fact: How should I interpret the comments on my paper? Why did I receive the grade I did? What else might I have done to strengthen this paper? What can I learn as a writer about this writing experience? What should I do the next time I have to write a paper?

A note on asking for feedback after a paper has been graded

Many people go to see their TA or professor after they receive a paper back with comments and a grade attached. If you seek feedback after your paper is returned to you, it makes sense to wait 24 hours before scheduling a meeting to talk about it. If you are angry or upset about a grade, the day off gives you time to calm down and put things in perspective. More important, taking a day off allows you to read through the instructor’s comments and think about why you received the grade that you did. You might underline or circle comments that were confusing to you so that you can ask about them later. You will also have an opportunity to reread your own writing and evaluate it more critically yourself. After all, you probably haven’t seen this piece of work since you handed it in a week or more ago, and refreshing your memory about its merits and weaknesses might help you make more sense of the grade and the instructor’s comments.

Also, be prepared to separate the discussion of your grade from the discussion of your development as a writer. It is difficult to have a productive meeting that achieves both of these goals. You may have very good reasons for meeting with an instructor to argue for a better grade, and having that kind of discussion is completely legitimate. Be very clear with your instructor about your goals. Are you meeting to contest the grade your paper received and explain why you think the paper deserved a higher one? Are you meeting because you don’t understand why your paper received the grade it did and would like clarification? Or are you meeting because you want to use this paper and the instructor’s comments to learn more about how to write in this particular discipline and do better on future written work? Being up front about these distinctions can help you and your instructor know what to expect from the conference and avoid any confusion between the issue of grading and the issue of feedback.

Kinds of feedback to ask for

Asking for a specific kind of feedback can be the best way to get advice that you can use. Think about what kinds of topics you want to discuss and what kinds of questions you want to ask:

• Understanding the assignment: Do I understand the task? How long should it be? What kinds of sources should I be using? Do I have to answer all of the questions on the assignment sheet or are they just prompts to get me thinking? Are some parts of the assignment more important than other parts?
• Factual content: Is my understanding of the course material accurate? Where else could I look for more information?
• Interpretation/analysis: Do I have a point? Does my argument make sense? Is it logical and consistent? Is it supported by sufficient evidence?
• Organization: Are my ideas in a useful order? Does the reader need to know anything else up front? Is there another way to consider ordering this information?
• Flow: Do I have good transitions? Does the introduction prepare the reader for what comes later? Do my topic sentences accurately reflect the content of my paragraphs? Can the reader follow me?
• Style: Comments on earlier papers can help you identify writing style issues that you might want to look out for. Is my writing style appealing? Do I use the passive voice too often? Are there too many “to be” verbs?
• Grammar: Just as with style, comments on earlier papers will help you identify grammatical “trouble spots.” Am I using commas correctly? Do I have problems with subject-verb agreement?
• Small errors: Is everything spelled right? Are there any typos?

Possible sources of feedback and what they’re good for

Believe it or not, you can learn to be your own best reader, particularly if you practice reading your work critically. First, think about writing problems that you know you have had in the past. Look over old papers for clues. Then, give yourself some critical distance from your writing by setting it aside for a few hours, overnight, or even for a couple of days. Come back to it with a fresh eye, and you will be better able to offer yourself feedback. Finally, be conscious of what you are reading for. You may find that you have to read your draft several times—perhaps once for content, once for organization and transitions, and once for style and grammar. If you need feedback on a specific issue, such as passive voice, you may need to read through the draft one time alone focusing on that issue. Whatever you do, don’t count yourself out as a source of feedback. Remember that ultimately you care the most and will be held responsible for what appears on the page. It’s your paper.

A classmate (a familiar and knowledgeable reader)

When you need feedback from another person, a classmate can be an excellent source. A classmate knows the course material and can help you make sure you understand the course content. A classmate is probably also familiar with the sources that are available for the class and the specific assignment. Moreover, you and your classmates can get together and talk about the kinds of feedback you both received on earlier work for the class, building your knowledge base about what the instructor is looking for in writing assignments.

Your TA (an expert reader)

Your TA is an expert reader—they are working on an advanced degree, either a Master’s or a Ph.D., in the subject area of your paper. Your TA is also either the primary teacher of the course or a member of the teaching team, so they probably had a hand in selecting the source materials, writing the assignment, and setting up the grading scheme. No one knows what the TA is looking for on the paper better than the TA , and most of the TAs on campus would be happy to talk with you about your paper.

Your professor (a very expert reader)

Your professor is the most expert reader you can find. They have a Ph.D. in the subject area that you are studying, and probably also wrote the assignment, either alone or with help from TAs. Like your TA, your professor can be the best source for information about what the instructor is looking for on the paper and may be your best guide in developing into a strong academic writer.

Your roommate/friend/family member (an interested but not familiar reader)

It can be very helpful to get feedback from someone who doesn’t know anything about your paper topic. These readers, because they are unfamiliar with the subject matter, often ask questions that help you realize what you need to explain further or that push you to think about the topic in new ways. They can also offer helpful general writing advice, letting you know if your paper is clear or your argument seems well organized, for example. Ask them to read your paper and then summarize for you what they think its main points are.

The Writing Center (an interested but not familiar reader with special training)

While the Writing Center staff may not have specialized knowledge about your paper topic, our writing coaches are trained to assist you with your writing needs. We cannot edit or proofread for you, but we can help you identify problems and address them at any stage of the writing process. The Writing Center’s coaches see thousands of students each year and are familiar with all kinds of writing assignments and writing dilemmas.

Other kinds of resources

If you want feedback on a writing assignment and can’t find a real live person to read it for you, there are other places to turn. Check out the Writing Center’s handouts . These resources can give you tips for proofreading your own work, making an argument, using commas and transitions, and more. You can also try the spell/grammar checker on your computer. This shouldn’t be your primary source of feedback, but it may be helpful.

A word about feedback and plagiarism

Asking for help on your writing does not equal plagiarism, but talking with classmates about your work may feel like cheating. Check with your professor or TA about what kinds of help you can get legally. Most will encourage you to discuss your ideas about the reading and lectures with your classmates. In general, if someone offers a particularly helpful insight, it makes sense to cite them in a footnote. The best way to avoid plagiarism is to write by yourself with your books closed. (For more on this topic, see our handout on plagiarism .)

What to do with the feedback you get

• Don’t be intimidated if your professor or TA has written a lot on your paper. Sometimes instructors will provide more feedback on papers that they believe have a lot of potential. They may have written a lot because your ideas are interesting to them and they want to see you develop them to their fullest by improving your writing.
• By the same token, don’t feel that your paper is garbage if the instructor DIDN’T write much on it. Some graders just write more than others do, and sometimes your instructors are too busy to spend a great deal of time writing comments on each individual paper.
• If you receive feedback before the paper is due, think about what you can and can’t do before the deadline. You sometimes have to triage your revisions. By all means, if you think you have major changes to make and you have time to make them, go for it. But if you have two other papers to write and all three are due tomorrow, you may have to decide that your thesis or your organization is the biggest issue and just focus on that. The paper might not be perfect, but you can learn from the experience for the next assignment.
• Read ALL of the feedback that you get. Many people, when receiving a paper back from their TA or professor, will just look at the grade and not read the comments written in the margins or at the end of the paper. Even if you received a satisfactory grade, it makes sense to carefully read all of the feedback you get. Doing so may help you see patterns of error in your writing that you need to address and may help you improve your writing for future papers and for other classes.
• If you don’t understand the feedback you receive, by all means ask the person who offered it. Feedback that you don’t understand is feedback that you cannot benefit from, so ask for clarification when you need it. Remember that the person who gave you the feedback did so because they genuinely wanted to convey information to you that would help you become a better writer. They wouldn’t want you to be confused and will be happy to explain their comments further if you ask.
• Ultimately, the paper you will turn in will be your own. You have the final responsibility for its form and content. Take the responsibility for being the final judge of what should and should not be done with your essay.
• Just because someone says to change something about your paper doesn’t mean you should. Sometimes the person offering feedback can misunderstand your assignment or make a suggestion that doesn’t seem to make sense. Don’t follow those suggestions blindly. Talk about them, think about other options, and decide for yourself whether the advice you received was useful.

Final thoughts

Finally, we would encourage you to think about feedback on your writing as a way to help you develop better writing strategies. This is the philosophy of the Writing Center. Don’t look at individual bits of feedback such as “This paper was badly organized” as evidence that you always organize ideas poorly. Think instead about the long haul. What writing process led you to a disorganized paper? What kinds of papers do you have organization problems with? What kinds of organization problems are they? What kinds of feedback have you received about organization in the past? What can you do to resolve these issues, not just for one paper, but for all of your papers? The Writing Center can help you with this process. Strategy-oriented thinking will help you go from being a writer who writes disorganized papers and then struggles to fix each one to being a writer who no longer writes disorganized papers. In the end, that’s a much more positive and permanent solution.

You may reproduce it for non-commercial use if you use the entire handout and attribute the source: The Writing Center, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

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Dec 15, 2022

How to ask for help in email with 4 samples and a template

Here we give you 5 tips and provide 4 example emails to help you write better help request emails.

Lawrie Jones

Table of contents

Asking for help in an email can feel pretty heavy – but trust us, it’s not that hard.

When writing an email asking for help, you must clearly explain what you want, why, and when.

This article describes when to ask for help in an email, the essential parts of every help request email, and provides 4 email samples and a template.

Follow our advice, and you’ll get all the help you need!

Should you ask for help in an email?

You may need help moving a shelf, writing a CV, choosing a car, or anything else. There are no rules about what you can ask for help and how.

Some people suggest you always do it in person, but this isn’t possible in many cases. You may not be in the same company or country, or you may be separated by time zones or even speak different languages.

Emails are quick to write, easy to send, and free – but there are additional benefits, including:

• You can provide precise details (date, time, and specifics relating to your request)
• It’s easier for the person to say no if they want or need to
• You can send the same request to several people (be careful to check the names!)
• It can save the embarrassment that some people feel asking for help in person

The benefits are obvious, so let’s show you how to write effective emails asking for help.

How to write an email asking for help

Writing emails requesting help is expected; it’s the basis for a learning module from the British Council . They’ve done this because we’ll all need to ask for a helping hand at some point in our personal and professional lives.

While we salute the British Council for their promotion of how to write messages asking for help, we’re not too impressed with their email help template (sorry, British Council). Their emails are fairly long and beat around the bush when a simple, straightforward, and basic email is much more effective. 

Don’t worry; we illustrate our approach in the 4 email help samples below. But before we get to that, here are 5 basic principles for writing the best help emails:

• Be clear and concise – Time is tight, and life is short, so don’t waste it by writing long emails. Instead, the best help emails are clear, concise, and short.
• Make the request upfront – Isn’t it annoying having to read through paragraphs of text to find out what you want to know? Don’t be this person. Be upfront about what you want in your help request messages. Most people will appreciate this!
• Don’t assume favors – You’re asking for help, but there should never be an expectation it will be given. This means you must consider your tone at all times. Also, if your request is big, you should give people an easy get-out. Never assume someone can help you.
• Provide all details – Use lists, bullet points, and bold text to specify exactly what you want. Make it as simple and easy as possible for people to do what you want them to do.
• Don’t forget to say thank you (if they can help you or not!) – It sounds crazy, but in many cases, people can forget to say thanks. In our examples, we offer a compliment upfront and then say thanks several times to ensure the message gets through.

Asking for help email format

The email format used to ask for help should be familiar if you’ve ever written an email before.

To make it as simple as possible, we’ve split it into three sections: the subject line, the body copy, and the ending. Let’s take a look at each section in greater detail:

1. Email subject asking for help

So, what makes a good email subject line asking for help? Using the word help in the subject line is a good start! Like anything in life and business, it’s best to be as clear and upfront as possible, like this:

• Can you help me?
• I need your help
• Are you available to help me?

There’s no way that the meaning of this message will get lost. However, it can appear a little desperate so you can add some extra information, like this:

• Could you help me at my latest event?
• Would you be prepared to read my CV?
• Are you available on (date) to help?

These subject lines are suitable for friends and family and formal requests for colleagues and coworkers. Of course, if you’re emailing a friend or family member, you can be much less formal and funny.

2. Help request email body

So, we’re getting into the details of any help message. We’re fans of being upfront, so just ask for what you want.

• I’m getting in touch to ask for your help.

Is this effective? Absolutely. If you’ve not met the person before, haven’t spoken in a while, or want to add some extra sweetness to the message, here’s how:

• We haven’t chatted in a while. How are things? I know you’re really busy, but I wanted to ask if you could help me with (insert details). I wouldn’t usually ask, but you’re 100% the best person for the job!

Whichever route you take, you’ll need to add more details, including what you’re asking the person to do and why.

• I’m getting in touch to ask for your help. I’m arranging an event on (date) and looking for people to work with us on the stand. Is this something you can do?

Next, provide details about the request.

• If you can help, here’s what I need you to do.
• We love bullet points

It can be a good idea to provide people with an easy get-out. Sometimes they may be unable to help you for genuine reasons, or they may choose not to help you. Either way, it’s a good idea to offer an out.

• I appreciate this is a lot to ask, so there are no hard feelings if you can’t help me this time.

3. How to end an email asking for help 

Ending an email asking for help follows a familiar format. You’ll want to include your contact details and, in most cases, provide a deadline for a response. 

• Thanks for reading this far; I appreciate it. Can you help me? My contact details are below. I’m already putting the team together for the event and will need to if you want to join us by (date).

Finish with a polite ending (thank you, kind regards, cheers, etc.), your name and signature and you’re done.

Ask for help in email examples

By now, it should be clear that writing help emails isn’t too hard. Here we bring it to life with some samples.

These provide an excellent introduction to the basics, but as always, you must edit and adapt these.

As previously mentioned, in many cases, you’ll want to ask several people for help, so always check all names, dates, and contact details!'

1. How to ask for help politely in an email sample 

Asking for help politely in an email is as simple as this sample. We start with a positive greeting and get straight into the details.

This sample asking for help follows all our basic rules and advice above.

• (You knew there would be bullet points, right?)

2. How to offer help at work via email sample 

In this example, we offer help to someone who needs it. This could be helping at an event (as above), offering to read a job application, or dealing with domestic issues.

The structure is obviously slightly different, but the core of the messages – an intro, body copy, and end remains the same. See how it works in this email offer to help.

3. Happy to help email sample 

If someone has asked for help, how do you respond? Here’s one option, that says you’re happy to help!

A happy-to-help email could literally say just that, but we add more details about dates and levels of support. You’ll see what we mean in this happy-to-help sample. 

4. Ask a colleague for help email sample

It’s common to ask a colleague for help, but it’s not always easy. You may be making a sensitive request or dealing with someone stressed, so we’ve kept this as simple as possible.

You’ll also see that we’ve provided opportunities for the person to say no if they simply don’t have the time. 

Ask for help email template

The samples provide context for common email help requests, but what happens if your circumstances are different? You can use this help email template. We’ve produced a basic help email message that you can cut, paste, and adapt to your specific circumstances. Have fun with this ask for help email!

Email template asking for help with Flowite

Flowrite is an AI writing assistant that turns your instructions into ready-to-send emails and messages, like this:

Our Chrome extension covers the email format, capitalization, grammar, spelling, punctuation.

In other words, you can focus on the message, and Flowrite will take care of the delivery. We dare to claim that it's the easiest way to request something in an email.

Our email template collection features dozens of templates to help you. To grasp how easy is is to write an email asking for something by using Flowrite, check out an example of how to use our all-purpose general template below:

Final words

It’s hard to ask for help, but never be afraid to do so. The structure, samples, and templates here should provide a guide but go with your feelings.

Be clear, say what you need, and feel free to demonstrate vulnerability. People will respond positively to a genuine request and in most cases, will offer to help.

We hope we’ve helped you get the help you need.

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Formal request

Reply to: "

Received message

requesting help on restructuring project of our shared client SkyTech let's discuss details over call or video conference your advice invaluable

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Generate an outreach

General template

introduce flowrite short instruction to ready to send emails we finish email

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The Experience of Asking for Help

Since the purpose of this assignment is to analyze the experience of asking for help, the behavior of the person whom I asked it for, and the results that I obtained, I started recollecting similar situations. It was not hard to make a decision, as the problem that I am about to share and interpret has to be of significant emotional value to me.

To begin with, let me share my story. The situation I recall happened to me some time ago. I was really nervous before going to the university for the first time. It was one week away from the beginning of the term, and the possible prospects were frightening. The reason for this emotional concern is that I never really was a people person while attending school. I cannot impress you by having a lot of friends or being open and communicative.

I often felt neglected and sometimes even invisible because other kids would not give me an opportunity to show them who I really am. They would not even want to sit next to me during the classes or share a table during lunch. I had a close friend who lived in the neighborhood but he was not going to the same school, so I felt really alone for the most part of the day. I may say that I am lucky because other kids never physically insulted me but the fact of the general ignorance and unwillingness to get to know me better was a terrible emotional burden. So, the fear that the university would be the same experience was overwhelming.

While attending school I often discussed this situation with my parents and my friend, but I never really reached for help or demonstrated the longing for changing myself of where I was, so we could not reach the solution of this problem with them. So, I decided that I needed to see a professional. I am lucky enough because my aunt was a social worker. I do not know why I did not want to see her earlier in my life, but the desire to make friends with my future course mates and enjoy going to the university motivated me to see my aunt as a professional and share my problem with her.

The reason for choosing her was obvious – she was a professional helper. My mother often asked me to talk to her about how I feel, but I would not accept this proposition because I was afraid to open up and be rejected. However, I came to a realization that because my aunt is a professional, she could help me. What is more, I knew that my aunt had compassion to people, was aware of the importance of human relationships and the role of life experience in individual’s further development (Eruera, 2013).

What is even more important, she was known as the one who is competent and strictly follows professional ethics, believed in human dignity (National Association of Social Workers, 2008), and had a rich experience in helping people with the problems similar to mine. Together with that, I did not want to share my problems with a stranger because somehow I felt that I would not be able to open myself to the maximum extent to the person I did not know.

So, the decision was made, and I went to my aunt’s office to receive assistance. By the way, I have chosen to see her at her working place, not at home because I thought that it would help me see her as a professional, not my aunt.

As I set in a waiting room, I felt a little bit awkward and uncomfortable and did not know what the experience would be like and how my aunt was going to treat me. However, as soon as I entered the office and saw her calming smile, all the nervousness faded away. As I set down and we started our conversation, I realized that it was not my aunt I was talking to, it was a person who could draw distinct boundaries between the personal and professional life (National Association of Social Workers, 2008) and she treated me like her patient, not a family member.

She wanted to make me feel comfortable, and the distinction between professional and personal worked perfectly for this purpose. To begin with, she asked me what my social role was and what was the initial issue bothering me. As I found out later, people carry out several social roles at once (Sheafor & Horejsi, 2012). In my case, I was a child to my parents, a relative to the rest family members, a student, a citizen, and a friend to my neighbor. My aunt asked me about every role I perform, and it turned out that for some reasons I failed to carry out the social role of a friend to the maximum extent, as I had some problems with communicating with kids at school and making more acquaintances.

During the whole conversation, I felt that I was viewed as a whole person having a personality and many other dimensions (Sheafor & Horejsi, 2012). I felt uncomfortable at the very beginning of our dialogue, and my thoughts were a mess, but she made me trust her and share my concerns with her without a fear of being judged or misunderstood. My aunt helped me believe that I am accepted by her and that my problem was vital, so I trusted her and revealed my secrets without any fear. What also helped me is that my aunt put questions that would guide me in a needed direction, so she would be able to find out what my troubles are about. She made me understand that we will focus on my social environment and try to improve it.

When I looked at my aunt, I saw that she was absolutely discreet and open and wanted to help me deal with my fears. She told me that I had a right to self-determination and should not feel uncomfortable that I do not have many friends only because other kids do and made me realize that I may be a little bit different that they are, and that I might find it enough to have only one friend. Except for her calm and supportive manner of speaking and clear language she used, what also made me feel comfortable is the non-verbal aspect of communication.

My aunt never made me feel mistrust or that she was building up emotional barriers by an open body posture, discreet smile, and a look demonstrating understanding and non-judgment. Moreover, she would not let her any redundant physical contacts except for the ones aimed at making me trust her (National Association of Social Workers, 2008) like caressing my arm or tapping my shoulder.

My aunt as a professional also told me that if I wanted to change the current situation, I would need social care, social treatment, and social enhancement to help me deal with my problem (Sheafor & Horejsi, 2012). As I later learned, social care would help me understand the origins of my matter of concern and provide me with the resources to work it out. In my case, this resource would be an effort to make me accept myself the way I am and feel comfortable when surrounded by people whom I do not know yet. Social treatment would help me fix the dysfunction in carrying out a role of friend and enforce the ability to change. Finally, social enhancement will help me make new acquaintances as soon as I reach a qualitatively new level of self-progress and accepting myself the way I am.

As some time passed, I realized that the experience of asking for help changed me. First of all, it helped me accept myself the way I am. Second, it made me understand that I am a complete person living in a certain environment, but it is easy to change it whenever I want; all I need is the desire to do so. Finally, it taught me that asking for help is a normal thing for a human as a social being and that no one is going to understand my needs unless I tell them myself.

My aunt, by the way, has proved to be a competent professional who respects human dignity and everyone’s right to self-determination as well as the sanctity of patient confidentiality. At least, the rest of my family members do not know what our conversation was about up to the present day. My aunt taught me that I can trust her and that she would be there for me whenever I have problems that are of extreme emotional value to me.

Furthermore, this experience taught me what it takes to be an effective helper and successfully engage a client. If it were not for me to ask for help and overcome the fear of being rejected, I would have never understood how scary and difficult it is to reach out and seek help of other people. I have learned that social workers like every individual perform different roles and, therefore, carry out many functions, and only a combination of many will help become a professional (Sheafor & Horejsi, 2012).

Together with that, looking at my aunt, I realized that it is extremely important to draw a distinct line between the personal and professional spheres of life because, first, it will let understand the person you know and discover his or her matters of concern from the new perspective. Second, the ability to separate these fields will help you avoid profound changes in your personality in response to the experiences of your patients. Third, I learned how significant it is to make a client feel accepted and trust you by keeping their secrets to yourself and that acting within a field of competence is the most crucial thing in the career of a social worker because it is the only way to do this work effectively.

Fourth, I became aware that it is important to not interfere with the individual’s personal space by excess physical contact. The reason is obvious – you do not now the background of the person yet, and he or she may have come with the problems arising from physical insult, that is why it is better to keep the distance so that the person can trust you (National Association of Social Workers, 2008).

Finally, I discovered that if you want to understand the one who has reached out for your help no matter what your role is, a friend or a social worker, you should view him as a complete person who carries out many roles and has many dimensions. It is vital because limiting the roles and dimensions to just one, you will not be able to find the reasons for the patient’s troubles and the ways to solve them (Sheafor & Horejsi, 2012).

I should also say that this experience has taught me how difficult it is to reach out and ask for help in the matters that are really crucial to you, especially when it comes to emotional significance. People especially those who have been treated badly and neglected since their childhood, are afraid to open up because they have a fear of being rejected again. What is more, they do not believe that others can see them as those who have the right to be the very way they are, and that is why they have a dread of being judged. So, I have learned that the most important thing in making clients trust you and helping them is non-judgment and believing in human dignity as well as keeping all their secrets safe.

Eruera, M. (2013). An indigenous social work experience in Aotearoa New Zealand. In Cree, V. E. (Ed.) Becoming a social worker: Global narratives (pp. 78-87). Abington, Oxon: Routledge.

National Association of Social Workers. (2008). Code of ethics . Web.

Sheafor, B. W., & Horejsi, C. R. (2012). Techniques and guidelines for social work practice (9th ed.). New York, New York: Pearson.

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AskEasy: AI ChatBot Assistant 12+

Ask chat bot・your 24/7 helper, zilingial limited, designed for iphone.

• #62 in Productivity
• 4.7 • 18.4K Ratings
• Offers In-App Purchases

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Description.

AskEasy: simplify your life with a smart assistant! Looking for a good recipe to surprise your guests? Need ideas for a birthday party? Or some help with writing an essay or composing a resume? Simply open the app and ask! AskEasy is a real lifesaver. It finds answers to any questions, generates texts and brainstorms ideas, helps with daily tasks, proofreads and improves your content, and even acts as a fun empathetic friend always open for a chat! All you need to do is just type in your request and see how an accurate answer magically appears on your screen! What sets this app apart are its four most powerful chat models: GPT 3.5, GPT 4, Llama 2, and Gemini. These cutting-edge AI technologies ensure that you can easily choose the model that best meets your specific needs, providing tailored, intelligent responses in real-time. Have questions about a YouTube video? Or need a short summary of a video instead of watching it whole? Now, you can simply paste the video link and ask away. Our chatbot will answer your questions based on the video content and provide a concise summary of it. Need to create unique visuals for your project? Go to Image Generator and get inspiring images generated by AI in seconds! All you have to do is just to type in the text description – and see how it magically transforms into images. Moreover, you can easily get creative captions, tags and stories based on your images by using the Text to Image tool. AI understands and interprets the context and emotions of your photos, and brings the ideas of creative texts that will enhance your social media presence. With """"Upload & Ask,"""" you have the power to directly upload a PDF document and effortlessly ask questions about its content. This feature deciphers the text, providing you with precise answers and insights without the need for manual searching or reading. Meanwhile, """"Ask by Link"""" offers an equally innovative capability where you can insert a link to a web page and receive answers derived from its content. Whether it's a detailed explanation, summary, or specific information, this feature ensures you get the answers you need quickly and efficiently. Your creativity is your only limit! Experiment with your queries to discover everything the chatbot can do for you, and you will be amazed by the mind-blowing results: - Choose the chat model (GPT 3.5, GPT 4, Llama 2, or Gemini) to solve your tasks quickly and efficiently - Write anything: from tweets, email responses, and ad copies to essays, poems, and creative stories - Brainstorm ideas: new recipes, movie and song recommendations, places to go, party ideas, etc. - Check and improve your writing - Simplify your texts by summarizing them - Insert a link to YouTube video and ask your questions based on it - Get quick and concise summary of a video on YouTube - Get AI-generated images from your word description - Transform any text into visually captivating quotes - Generate captivating captions, relevant tags, or stories for your pics - Create original jokes and holiday greetings - Translate texts into other languages or even into programmatic commands - Use it for analytics and business intelligence - Get prepared for an exam or job interview - Or simply check out your daily horoscope! Features: - Smart chat for iPhone - GPT 3.5, GPT 4, Llama 2, and Gemini support - Spell and grammar check - Images Generator - Quote Maker - Text for Image - “Ask by Link” and “Upload & Ask” features - Ask Youtube and Youtube Summary - Text writing and facts search - History of your queries - CV and social profile builder - Clear and smart design - Simple and blazingly fast to use Privacy Policy Url - https://mychat-ai.cloud/pp Term Of Use Url - https://mychat-ai.cloud/tou Support Address - [email protected]

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Why update the app that already works great? To get the most out of it, of course! The benefits of the new version: —Flawless bug-free experience —Improved user interface and app's navigation Your positive reviews in the App Store will inspire us to new achievements!

Ratings and Reviews

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The concept of having ai write you a story is amazing. The stories are amazing. But, what good is it if it doesn’t give an ending. It doesn’t have to be long to end well. But it leaves you hanging. Not a fan of that. Especially since I paid for it UPDATE: ok, so I changed most review from three stars to 5z mainly because regardless of if the story ends or not, I’m able to end it myself quite well. I enjoy the app and it helps me a lot in my work

Developer Response ,

Dear Juliabrown1966!!!!!Thank you for your feedback. We apologize for the inconvenience caused and we understand your frustration with the limitations you've encountered in the application. The application has certain restrictions in place due to server limitations and the significant computing resources required for advanced AI technology like GPT-4. These limitations are in place to ensure the app's performance and availability for all users. We have increased the limit of characters to the maximum allowed from GPT itself and we cannot go beyond it. Thank you for understanding. Warmest regards, AI ChatBot: Smart Assistant Support Team

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Right after installing presented programs not functioning, i didn’t get try all, with in two minutes was forced to rated with 5 stars if i was too quick to press buttons. I didn’t even get to read what was the gpt’s response to me but as it was typing things really fast noticed everything being typed was flickering like screen power is too low. Remember after 3 days i trial you will be charged automatically. This look good but just like most of them, taking a freeware altering in some cases not much from the original and start chasing the money with tricks and dancing around the truth with lies. I think today’s browsers gpt is good as most of these tricksters version unless you need a serious one for school or work then I suggest getting a real one pay a few more dollars than what these people are asking and have a real one, if that’s not the case stick with ones as browsers add on is my opinion.

Dear User! We are very grateful to you for taking the time to leave us a review. We consider a customer-centric approach and always put ourselves in our customer’s mind. That way, we can align the learning experience with their expectations and improve our application. We will definitely take into account the fact that the users need more time to evaluate the application and will not force them to rate the app too quickly. We have our users' best interests at heart and will continue to work tirelessly to better ourselves and our application. Best regards, AI ChatBot: Smart Assistant Support Team

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Dear Crashed and Lost! Thank you for your feedback and for choosing our AI ChatBot as your favorite assistant. We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the limitations of the up-to-date information provided. We are constantly working on improving our databases and ensuring the latest information is available. But as we use the official open AI api and their system is based on data up to 2021, the assistant informs you that it is only as up-to-date as 2021. Best regards, AI ChatBot: Smart Assistant Support Team

App Privacy

The developer, Zilingial Limited , indicated that the app’s privacy practices may include handling of data as described below. For more information, see the developer’s privacy policy .

Data Used to Track You

The following data may be used to track you across apps and websites owned by other companies:

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Data Not Linked to You

The following data may be collected but it is not linked to your identity:

• Diagnostics

Privacy practices may vary, for example, based on the features you use or your age. Learn More

Information

English, French, German, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Portuguese, Simplified Chinese, Spanish, Traditional Chinese

• AI ChatBot: 1 Week Access $7.99
• AI ChatBot - 1 Week Access $7.99
• AI ChatBot: Access for 1 Year $49.99
• AI Chat Bot: Weekly Access $7.99
• AI ChatBot: 1 Week Access $4.99
• AI Assistant - 1 Month $19.99
• AI ChatBot for 1 Year $19.99
• AI ChatBot: 1 Year $39.99
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