parents advice essay

• My Parents Essay

500 Words Essay On My Parents

We entered this world because of our parents. It is our parents who have given us life and we must learn to be pleased with it. I am grateful to my parents for everything they do for me. Through my parents essay, I wish to convey how valuable they are to me and how much I respect and admire them.

My Strength My Parents Essay

My parents are my strength who support me at every stage of life. I cannot imagine my life without them. My parents are like a guiding light who take me to the right path whenever I get lost.

My mother is a homemaker and she is the strongest woman I know. She helps me with my work and feeds me delicious foods . She was a teacher but left the job to take care of her children.

My mother makes many sacrifices for us that we are not even aware of. She always takes care of us and puts us before herself. She never wakes up late. Moreover, she is like a glue that binds us together as a family.

Parents are the strength and support system of their children. They carry with them so many responsibilities yet they never show it. We must be thankful to have parents in our lives as not everyone is lucky to have them.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

While my mother is always working at home, my father is the one who works outside. He is a kind human who always helps out my mother whenever he can. He is a loving man who helps out the needy too.

My father is a social person who interacts with our neighbours too. Moreover, he is an expert at maintaining his relationship with our relatives. My father works as a businessman and does a lot of hard work.

Even though he is a busy man, he always finds time for us. We spend our off days going to picnics or dinners. I admire my father for doing so much for us without any complaints.

He is a popular man in society as he is always there to help others. Whoever asks for his help, my father always helps them out. Therefore, he is a well-known man and a loving father whom I look up to.

Conclusion of My Parents Essay

I love both my parents with all my heart. They are kind people who have taught their children to be the same. Moreover, even when they have arguments, they always make up without letting it affect us. I aspire to become like my parents and achieve success in life with their blessings.

FAQ of My Parents Essay

Question 1: Why parents are important in our life?

Answer 1: Parents are the most precious gifts anyone can get. However, as not everyone has them, we must consider ourselves lucky if we do. They are the strength and support system of children and help them out always. Moreover, the parents train the children to overcome challenges and make the best decision for us.

Question 2: What do parents mean to us?

Answer 2: Parents mean different things to different people. To most of us, they are our source of happiness and protection. They are the ones who are the closest to us and understand our needs without having to say them out loud. Similarly, they love us unconditionally for who we are without any ifs and buts.

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How to Be a Good Parent

Reviewed by Psychology Today Staff

There is no one right way to be a good parent, although there are many proven ways to be a flawed one, such as abuse, neglect, or overindulgence. A key challenge is resisting the urge to manage, guide, or control kids at all times, but research suggests that parents who give their children room to explore, grow, and, importantly, fail, may be serving them better. No parent should allow kids to put their health or safety at risk, or to allow core house rules to be flouted, especially when it comes to daily home and school responsibilities. But beyond that, building a home life that provides caring, consistency, choices, and consequences should go a long way toward a child’s social, emotional, and intellectual development—which should also lead to a stronger parent-child bond and happier child-raising years for everyone involved.

On This Page

• Making a Happy Home
• Avoiding Pitfalls
• Providing Emotional Support

A paradox of parenting is that kids typically need less from their mothers and fathers than the adults realize. What they need, though, is essential: Love, emotional security, conversation, validation, responsibilities, time outside, and opportunities to play and learn. Parents who can focus their attention on these baseline goals and avoid getting caught up in the minutiae of measuring minutes on screens or dictating which shirt gets worn to preschool, will find that they and their children will enjoy each other more , and that their kids will more quickly become comfortable with their own selves.

Daily routines, and regular rituals, can be a powerful way to bond with children and help them feel emotionally secure. Time spent each day reading together, listening to music, going outside, performing a simple chore, and especially a positive interaction to start the day and open time at bedtime to review the day and say goodnight, research finds, helps kids establish a stable, positive emotional outlook.

Research on the casual chitchat also known as banter has found that it is essential for children’s emotional development, and for their vocabulary. Informal talks with parents expand kids’ knowledge and skills, and has positive emotional and social effects that last into adulthood. Weekend plans, neighborhood news, funny memories, seasonal changes, to-do lists, dream recollections, and things that excite you are all valid topics for banter during quiet portions of the day.

There are reasons why younger kids don’t always cooperate with a parent’s requests, even if the parent doesn’t immediately recognize them as good reasons. A child deeply engaged with play, for example, may resist being called away to get dressed or come to dinner. To avoid conflict, a parent should observe what a child is involved in before demanding that they move away from it. It’s often helpful to talk to a child about what they’re doing, and even join them for a time, before requesting that they move on to a necessary task. Just five minutes of such “sensitive caregiving” can not only avoid resistance but help a child become better able to develop social competence.

Research suggests that it will. Many studies have found that dog ownership helps younger kids learn responsibility and empathy, and potentially even develop language skills. Recent research has also found that kids who live with a pet become less likely to have conduct problems or peer conflicts, with behavioral improvement averaging around 30 percent. The effect emerged simply by having a dog present in the home, and the results were even more striking when children were actively involved in walking and caring for the pet—although having a pet did not necessarily diminish the symptoms of clinically diagnosed emotional conditions.

In many cities and states, local laws prohibit children under a certain age from either staying home alone or being outside without an adult present. Many parents have protested such rules, arguing that kids entering the tween years should be allowed to be on their own if mothers and fathers determine that they’re responsible. This movement, often called free-range parenting , makes the case for overturning such laws to bring families more freedom, independence, trust, and joy, but while some municipalities have moved to amend their laws, many others have resisted.

It’s impossible for a parent to be perfect. Fortunately, it’s not that hard to be the right parent for your own child. Listening, being supportive, encouraging activity and creativity, and establishing a secure family structure all go a long way toward providing the kind of childhood that help kids thrive. Unfortunately, even in the pursuit of these goals, parents can go too far by overscheduling kids, micromanaging them, refusing to recognize learning or emotional struggles for what they are, modeling unhealthy responses to stress, violating boundaries, or criticizing kids or comparing them to others—even siblings—out of frustration.

In a word, no, and no child can be perfect, either. But parents who believe perfection is attainable, in themselves or their kids, often struggle to take any joy in their role, or to provide joy to their children. It’s easy for a parent to become self-critical and beat themselves up over opportunities they didn’t offer their kids, or for not pushing them hard enough. But an intense, overscheduled childhood may not be the right one for your child. Being a “good enough” parent , many experts suggest, is sufficient to raise children who are decent and loving, confident enough to pursue their interests, and able to fail.

It shouldn’t be. Many parents believe they should control children at all times, directing them to fit their own vision of what type of person they should become. Such parents may be shocked and angered when children resist such pushing, leading to power struggles and potentially years of conflict. Parents who instead focus on baseline expectations and standards for responsibility and routines, and stick to them, while working to understand their children’s temperament and emotional needs, can form a connection with their kids and work with them to discover and pursue their own interests.

In many families, one parent emerges as the “fun one,” or the “good cop,” with the other wedged into the role of the serious one, or the “bad cop.” Not only does this generate a potentially unhealthy family dynamic, it can also strain a couple’s relationship. Partners who discuss their values, and each other’s priorities as parents, can face their children with more confidence, divide responsibilities more evenly, and approach children with consistency.

It can be tricky for parents of young children to recognize when a child is acting out and when there is a valid reason for what appears to be unwelcome behavior. For example, a child may become overstimulated or feel rushed during a busy day; become angry because they’re hungry; struggle to express “big feelings”; react to a long period of physical inactivity with high energy and a need to play; or become frustrated by a parent’s inconsistent limits. Taking a step back to evaluate whether a child’s behavior may be caused by a factor outside their direct control can go a long way toward keeping parents from punishing children who may not deserve it.

Ideally, a responsible one. Surveys suggest that well over 90 percent of children have an online presence by age 2—often their own Instagram or Facebook accounts (created and maintained by their parents). “ Sharenting ,” or sharing news or images of a child, can provide parents with social validation and the support of an online community. But as kids enter the tween and teen years they may push back and feel exposed or embarrassed by what their parents have posted, leading to family conflict. Parents should understand the privacy settings of all their social media platforms, consider whether a particular photo may eventually embarrass a child and as kids get older, ask for their approval before sharing anything online.

When a parent is anxious or worried, a child may become anxious as well. Parents who talk about adult worries with kids, fail to model or teach coping skills, or who are unreliable or fail to keep promises, can drive anxiety in their sons and daughters. But parents who swoop in to eliminate any source of anxiety, by, for example, taking over difficult tasks, can also inadvertently raise kids who may struggle to cope with challenges or stress. Parents who make time to listen, take children’s concerns seriously, provide consistent support, step back and let kids solve problems on their own (or not), and allow ample free time for play, can help children thrive.

For more, see Children and Anxiety

Children may feel anxious in a variety of situations—at the doctor’s office, at a birthday party, before a test, or in a storm—and look to parents for help. Unfortunately, simply telling them to “calm down” likely will not work. But encouraging them to calm themselves by taking slow, deep breaths, chewing gum or singing, talking openly about their worries and naming them, or finding humor in the situation can help them get through it and be better prepared to handle future stressors.

When kids are feeling stress, parents can easily become anxious as well, but mothers and fathers should aim to avoid displaying it, or “ mood matching ,” which may only amplify a child’s stress. Keeping calm and grounded, perhaps through the application of mindfulness techniques, can help parents remain a source of support even in difficult moments.

Younger children feel emotions deeply, but their emotions may also change quickly, sometimes shocking parents and making them feel helpless. A child may have a limited ability to control their emotions, but a parent can help them develop the competence they need to manage their feelings themselves, and gain confidence and self-esteem in the process. An important step is to help children identify and talk about negative emotions like sadness or anger and not deny or suppress them.

Highly sensitive children may struggle with their feelings more than other kids, become more easily overwhelmed, or take setbacks more personally. Parents who can successfully manage their own emotions can help a sensitive child by creating a calm environment at home, maybe in one specific place; focusing on the child’s strengths while accepting their struggles as part of the mix; and working with the child to recognize their triggers and the most effective ways to respond.

Too often, children who are depressed don’t tell their parents about it; two out of three parents admit that they worry they wouldn’t recognize depression in a child , and clinicians find that children often report having symptoms for two to three years before they get help. Many kids avoid talking about depression at home because they think a parent won’t listen, will just tell them it’s temporary, or try to fix it quickly like a boo-boo. Other kids keep quiet because they want to protect their parents’ feelings. Creating a home where difficult feelings can be talked about and respected is an important step toward children feeling comfortable enough to speak about anything, including depression.

The idea of bringing a child to a psychologist is scary for many parents, but they should not see it as a personal failure but an active and positive step toward helping their child get the help they need. And as the experts on their family, parents should work to find someone they believe their child (and themselves) will be comfortable with. Parents should ask potential providers about their typical approach, how closely they involve parents in therapy, how to talk about it with their child, and how soon they should expect improvement.

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What is Positive Parenting? 33 Examples and Benefits

And while most of us strive to be great parents, we may also find ourselves confused and frustrated by the seemingly endless challenges of parenthood.

As both parents of toddlers and teenagers can attest, such challenges are evident across all developmental stages.

But there is good news— numerous research-supported tools and strategies are now available for parents. These resources provide a wealth of information for common parenting challenges (i.e., bedtime issues, picky eating, tantrums, behavior problems, risk-taking, etc.); as well as the various learning lessons that are simply part of growing up (i.e., starting school, being respectful, making friends, being responsible, making good choices, etc.).

With its focus on happiness, resilience and positive youth development ; the field of positive psychology is particularly pertinent to discussions of effective parenting. Thus, whether you are a parent who’s trying to dodge potential problems; or you are already pulling your hair out— you’ve come to the right place.

This article provides a highly comprehensive compilation of evidence-based positive parenting techniques. These ideas and strategies will cover a range of developmental periods, challenges, and situations. More specifically, drawing from a rich and robust collection of research, we will address exactly what positive parenting means; its many benefits; when and how to use it; and its usefulness for specific issues and age-groups.

This article also contains many useful examples, positive parenting tips, activities, programs, videos, books , podcasts – and so much more. By learning from and applying these positive parenting resources; parents will become the kind of parents they’ve always wanted to be: Confident, Optimistic, and even Joyful.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will help you or your clients build healthy, life-enriching relationships.

This Article Contains:

What is positive parenting, a look at the research, how can it encourage personal development and self growth in a child, how old must the child be, what are the benefits, 12 examples of positive parenting in action, positive parenting styles, a look at positive discipline, positive parenting with toddlers and preschoolers, how to best address sibling rivalry, positive parenting with teenagers, positive parenting through divorce, a take-home message.

Before providing a definition of positive parenting, let’s take a step back and consider what we mean by “parents.” While a great deal of parenting research has focused on the role of mothers; children’s psychosocial well-being is influenced by all individuals involved in their upbringing.

Such caregivers might include biological and adoptive parents, foster parents, single parents, step-parents, older siblings, and other relatives and non-relatives who play a meaningful role in a child’s life. In other words, the term “parent” applies to an array of individuals whose presence impacts the health and well-being of children (Juffer, Bakermans-Kranenburg & van Ijzendoorn, 2008).

Thus, any time the terms “parent” or “caregiver” are used herein; they apply to any individuals who share a consistent relationship with a child, as well as an interest in his/her well-being (Seay, Freysteinson & McFarlane, 2014).

Fortunately, parenting research has moved away from a deficit or risk factor model towards a more positive focus on predictors of positive outcomes (e.g., protective factors ). Positive parenting exemplifies this approach by seeking to promote the parenting behaviors that are most essential for fostering positive youth development (Rodrigo, Almeida, Spiel, & Koops, 2012).

Several researchers have proposed definitions of positive parenting, such as Seay and colleagues (2014), who reviewed 120 pertinent articles. They came up with the following universal definition:

Positive parenting is the continual relationship of a parent(s) and a child or children that includes caring, teaching, leading, communicating, and providing for the needs of a child consistently and unconditionally.

(Seay et al., 2014, p. 207).

The Committee of Ministers of the Council of Europe (2006) similarly defined positive parenting as “ … nurturing, empowering, nonviolent… ” and which “ provides recognition and guidance which involves setting of boundaries to enable the full development of the child ’’ (in Rodrigo et al., 2012, p. 4). These definitions, combined with the positive parenting literature, suggest the following about positive parenting:

• It involves Guiding
• It involves Leading
• It involves Teaching
• It is Caring
• It is Empowering
• It is Nurturing
• It is Sensitive to the Child’s Needs
• It is Consistent
• It is Always Non-violent
• It provides Regular Open Communication
• It provides Affection
• It provides Emotional Security
• It provides Emotional Warmth
• It provides Unconditional Love
• It recognizes the Positive
• It respects the Child’s Developmental Stage
• It rewards Accomplishments
• It sets Boundaries
• It shows Empathy for the Child’s Feelings
• It supports the Child’s Best Interests

Along with these qualities, Godfrey (2019) proposes that the underlying assumption of positive parenting is that “… all children are born good, are altruistic and desire to do the right thing …” (positiveparenting.com).

Godfrey further adds that the objective of positive parenting is to teach discipline in a way that builds a child’s self-esteem and supports a mutually respectful parent-child relationship without breaking the child’s spirit (2019). These authors reveal an overall picture of positive parenting as warm, thoughtful and loving— but not permissive.

There is plenty of research supporting the short- and long-term effects of positive parenting on adaptive child outcomes. To begin with, work by the Positive Parenting Research Team ( PPRT ) from the University of Southern Mississippi (Nicholson, 2019) is involved in various studies aimed at examining the impact of positive parenting.

• The following are included among the team’s research topics:
• Relationships between positive parenting and academic success;
• Positive parenting as a predictor of protective behavioral strategies;
• Parenting style and emotional health; maternal hardiness, coping and social support in parents of chronically ill children, etc.

The PPRT ultimately seeks to promote positive parenting behaviors within families.

In their seven-year longitudinal study; Pettit, Bates and Dodge (1997) examined the influence of supportive parenting among parents of pre-kindergartners. Supportive parenting was defined as involving mother‐to‐child warmth, proactive teaching, inductive discipline, and positive involvement. Researchers contrasted this parenting approach with a less supportive, more harsh parenting style.

Supportive parenting was associated with more positive school adjustment and fewer behavior problems when the children were in sixth grade. Moreover, supportive parenting actually mitigated the negative impact of familial risk factors (i.e., socioeconomic disadvantage, family stress, and single parenthood) on children’s subsequent behavioral problems (Pettit et al., 2006).

Researchers at the Gottman Institute also investigated the impact of positive parenting by developing a 5-step ‘emotion coaching’ program designed to build children’s confidence and to promote healthy intellectual and psychosocial growth.

Gottman’s five steps for parents include:

• awareness of emotions;
• connecting with your child;
• listening to your child;
• naming emotions; and
• finding solutions (Gottman, 2019).

Gottman has reported that children of “emotional coaches” benefit from a more a positive developmental trajectory relative to kids without emotional coaches. Moreover, an evaluation of emotional coaching by Bath Spa University found several positive outcomes for families trained in emotional coachings, such as parental reports of a 79% improvement in children’s positive behaviors and well-being (Bath Spa University, 2016).

Overall, research has indicated that positive parenting is related to various aspects of healthy child development (many more examples of evidence supporting the benefits are positive parenting are described further in this article). Such outcomes are neither fleeting nor temporary; and will continue well beyond childhood.

Another way of thinking about the role of positive parenting is in terms of resilience. When children—including those who begin life with significant disadvantages— experience positive and supportive parenting, they are far more likely to thrive.

It is in this way that positive parenting minimizes health and opportunity disparities by armoring children with large stores of emotional resilience (Brooks, 2005; Brooks & Goldstein, 2001). And since we know positive parenting works; what parent wouldn’t want to learn how to use it and thereby give his/her child the best shot at a healthy and happy life?

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There are various mechanisms through which positive parenting promotes a child’s prosocial development.

For example, Eisenberg, Zhou, and Spinrad et al. (2005) suggest that positive parenting impacts children’s temperament by enhancing emotion regulation (e.g., “effortful control” enabling children to focus attention in a way that promotes emotion modulation and expression).

The authors reported a significant link between parental warmth and positive expressivity on children’s long-term emotion regulation. This ability to use effortful control was found to predict reduced externalizing problems years later when children were adolescents (Eisenbert et al., 2005).

Along with emotion regulation, there are many other ways in which positive parenting encourages a child’s positive development and self-growth.

Here are some examples:

• Teaching and leading promote children’s confidence and provides them with the tools needed to make good choices.
• Positive communication promotes children’s social and problem-solving skills while enhancing relationship quality with caregivers and peers.
• Warm and democratic parenting enhances children’s self-esteem and confidence.
• Parental supervision promotes prosocial peer bonding and positive youth outcomes.
• Autonomy-promoting parenting supports creativity, empowerment, and self-determination.
• Supportive and optimistic parenting fosters children’s belief in themselves and the future.
• Providing recognition for desirable behaviors increases children’s self-efficacy and the likelihood of engaging in prosocial, healthy behaviors.
• Providing boundaries and consequences teaches children accountability and responsibility.

Generally speaking, there are many aspects of positive parenting that nurture children’s self-esteem; creativity; belief in the future; ability to get along with others; and sense of mastery over their environment.

Warm, loving and supportive parents feed a child’s inner spirit while empowering him/her with the knowledge and tools necessary to approach life as a fully capable individual.

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The need for positive parenting begins – well, at the beginning. The attachment literature has consistently indicated that babies under one year of age benefit from positive parenting. More specifically, a secure attachment between infants and mothers is related to numerous positive developmental outcomes (i.e., self-esteem, trust, social competence, etc.; Juffer, Bakermans-Kranenburg & van Ijzendoorn, 2008).

The quality of the mother-child attachment is believed to be a function of parental sensitivity (e.g., mothers who accurately perceive and quickly respond to their babies’ needs; Juffer et al., 2008)— which is certainly a key indicator of positive parenting practices in their earliest form.

Not only is a secure mother-child attachment related to early positive developmental outcomes, but more recent attachment research also indicates long-term increases in social self-efficacy among girls with secure attachments to their fathers (Coleman, 2003).

There are even ways in which positive parenting benefits a child or family as soon as the parents learn of a pregnancy or adoption (i.e., see the subsequent ‘sibling rivalry’ section). Therefore, it cannot be stressed enough: Positive parenting begins as early as possible.

There is empirical evidence for numerous benefits of positive parenting, which cover all developmental stages from infancy to late adolescence. The following table provides a list of many such examples:

The evidence clearly supports a relationship between positive parenting approaches and a large variety of prosocial parent and child outcomes. Therefore, practitioners have developed and implemented a range of programs aimed at promoting positive parenting practices.

Here are some noteworthy examples; including those which target specific risk factors, as well as those with a more preventative focus:

• Parent’s Circle program (Pearson & Anderson, 2001): Recognizing that positive parenting begins EARLY, this program helped parents of infants in the neonatal intensive care unit to enhance their parenting skills in order to better parent their fragile newborns.
• The Home Visiting Program (Ammaniti, Speranza, & Tambelli, et al., 2006): Also focused on babies, this program aimed to increase parental sensitivity in order to improve secure mother-infant attachments. In doing so, psychologists visited high-risk mothers at their homes in order to improve parental sensitivity to their infants’ signals.
• The Early Head Start Home-based Program (Roggman, Boyce, & Cook, 2009): This home-based program also focused on promoting parent-child attachment. Parents in semirural areas received weekly home-based visits from a family educator who taught them positive strategies aimed at promoting healthy parent-child interactions and engagement in children’s activities.
• American Psychological Association’s ACT Raising Safe Kids (RSK) program (Knox, Burkhard, & Cromly, 2013): The goal of this program was to improve parents’ positive parenting knowledge and skills by teaching nonviolent discipline, anger management, social problem‐solving skills, and other techniques intended to protect children from aggression and violence.
• New Beginnings Program (Wolchik, Sandler, Weiss, & Winslow, 2007): This empirically-based 10-session program was designed to teach positive parenting skills to families experiencing divorce or separation. Parents learned how to nurture positive and warm relationships with kids, use effective discipline, and protect their children from divorce-related conflict. The underlying goal of the New Beginnings Program was to promote child resilience during this difficult time.
• Family Bereavement Program (Sandler, Wolchik, Ayers, Tein, & Luecken, 2013): This intervention was aimed at promoting resilience in parents and children experiencing extreme adversity: The death of a parent. This 10-meeting supportive group environment helped bereaved parents learn a number of resilience-promoting parenting skills (i.e., active listening, using effective rules, supporting children’s coping, strengthening family bonds, and using adequate self-care).
• The Positive Parent (Suárez, Rodríguez, & López, 2016): This Spanish online program was aimed at enhancing positive parenting by helping parents to learn about child development and alternative child-rearing techniques; to become more aware, creative and independent in terms of parenting practices; to establish supportive connections with other parents; and to feel more competent and satisfied with their parenting.
• Healthy Families Alaska Programs (Calderaa, Burrellb, & Rodriguez, 2007): The objective of this home visiting program was to promote positive parenting and healthy child development outcomes in Alaska. Paraprofessionals worked with parents to improve positive parenting attitudes, parent-child interactions, child development knowledge, and home environment quality.
• The Strengthening Families Program (Kumpfer & Alvarado, 1998): This primary prevention program has been widely used to teach parents a large array of positive parenting practices. Following family systems and cognitive-behavioral philosophies, the program has taught parenting skills such as engagement in positive interactions with children, positive communication, effective discipline, rewarding positive behaviors, and the use of family meetings to promote organization. The program’s overall goal was to enhance child and family protective factors; to promote children’s resilience, and to improve children’s social and life skills.
• Incredible Years Program (Webster-Stratton& Reid, 2013): This program refers to a widely implemented and evaluated group-based intervention designed to reduce emotional problems and aggression among children, and to improve their social and emotional competence. Parent groups received 12-20 weekly group sessions focused on nurturing relationships, using positive discipline, promoting school readiness and academic skills, reducing conduct problems, and increasing other aspects of children’s healthy psychosocial development. This program has also been used for children with ADHD.
• Evidence-based Positive Parenting Programs Implemented in Spain (Ministers of the Council of Europe, in Rodrigo et al., 2012): In a special issue of Psychosocial Intervention, multiple evaluation studies of positive parenting programs delivered across Spain are presented. Among the programs included are those delivered in groups, at home, and online; each of which is aimed at positive parenting support services. This issue provides an informative resource for understanding which parents most benefited from various types of evidence-based programs aimed at promoting positive parenting among parents attending family support services.
• Triple P Positive Parenting Program (Sanders, 2008): This program, which will be described in more detail in a subsequent post, is a highly comprehensive parenting program with the objective of providing parents of high-risk children with the knowledge, confidence, and skills needed to promote healthy psychological health and adjustment in their children. While these programs are multifaceted, an overarching focus of the Triple P programs is to improve children’s self-regulation.

A reoccurring theme in the positive parenting literature is that a warm, yet firm parenting style is linked to numerous positive youth outcomes. This style is termed ‘authoritative’ and it is conceptualized as a parenting approach that includes a good balance of the following parenting qualities: assertive, but not intrusive; demanding, but responsive; supportive in terms of discipline, but not punitive (Baumrind, 1991).

Along with an authoritative parenting style, a developmental parenting style is also believed to support positive child outcomes (Roggman et al., 2008).

Developmental parenting is a positive parenting style that promotes positive child development by providing affection (i.e., through positive expressions of warmth toward the child); responsiveness (i.e., by attending to a child’s cues); encouragement (i.e., by supporting a child’s capabilities and interests); and teaching (i.e., by using play and conversation to support a child’s cognitive development (Roggman & Innocenti, 2009).

Developmental parenting clearly shares several commonalities with authoritative parenting, and both represent positive parenting approaches.

Overall, by taking a good look at positive parenting strategies that work for raising healthy, happy kids; it is evident that positive parenting styles encourage a child’s autonomy by:

• Supporting exploration and involvement in decision-making
• Paying attention and responding to a child’s needs
• Using effective communication
• Attending to a child’s emotional expression and control
• Rewarding and encouraging positive behaviors
• Providing clear rules and expectations
• Applying consistent consequences for behaviors
• Providing adequate supervision and monitoring
• Acting as a positive role model
• Making positive family experiences a priority

In a nutshell, positive parents support a child’s healthy growth and inner spirit by being loving, supportive, firm, consistent, and involved. Such parents go beyond communicating their expectations, but practice what they preach by being positive role models for their children to emulate.

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The term ‘discipline’ often has a negative, purely punitive connotation. However, ‘discipline’ is actually defined as “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character” (Merriam-Webster, 2019).

This definition is instructive, as it reminds us that as parents, we are not disciplinarians, but rather teachers. And as our children’s teachers, our goal is to respectfully show them choices for behaviors and to positively reinforce adaptive behaviors.

Positive discipline again harkens back to authoritative parenting because it should be administered in a way that is firm and loving at the same time. Importantly, positive discipline is never violent, aggressive or critical; it is not punitive.

Relevant: Examples of Positive Punishment & Negative Reinforcement

Physical punishment (i.e., spanking) is ineffective for changing behaviors in the long-term and has a number of detrimental consequences on children (Gershoff, 2013). Indeed, the objective of positive discipline is to “teach and train. Punishment (inflicting pain/purposeful injury) is unnecessary and counter-productive” (Kersey, 2006, p. 1).

Nelsen (2006) describes a sense of belonging as a primary goal of all people; a goal that is not achieved through punishment. In fact, she describes the four negative consequences of punishment on children (e.g., “the four R’s”) as resentment toward parents; revenge that may be plotted in order to get back at parents; rebellion against parents, such as through even more excessive behaviors; and retreat, that may involve becoming sneaky and/or experiencing a loss of self-esteem (Nelsen, 2006).

She provides the following five criteria for positive discipline (which are available on her positive discipline website ):

• Is both kind and firm
• Promotes a child’s sense of belonging and significance
• Works long-term (note: punishment may have an immediate impact, but this is short-lived)
• Teaches valuable social and life skills (i.e., problem-solving, social skills, self-soothing, etc.)
• Helps children develop a sense that they are capable individuals

In her comprehensive and helpful book for parents: Positive Discipline , Nelsen (2006) also describes a number of key aspects of positive discipline, such as being non-violent, respectful, and grounded in developmental principles; teaching children self-respect, empathy, and self-efficacy; and promoting a positive relationship between parent and child.

Stated another way, “ respecting children teaches them that even the smallest, most powerless, most vulnerable person deserves respect, and that is a lesson our world desperately needs to learn ” (LR Knost, lovelivegrow.com).

Since we know that positive discipline does not involve the use of punishment; the next obvious questions become “Just what exactly does it involve?”

This question is undoubtedly urgent for parents who feel like their child is working diligently toward driving them mad. While we will discuss some of the more typical frustrations that parents regularly encounter later in the article, Kersey (2006) provides parents with a wonderful and comprehensive resource in her publication entitled “101 positive principles of discipline.”

Here are her top ten principles:

• Demonstrate Respect Principle : Treat the child in the same respectful way you would like to be treated.
• Make a Big Deal Principle : Use positive reinforcement in meaningful ways for desired behaviors. Reward such behaviors with praise, affection, appreciation, privileges, etc.
• Incompatible Alternative Principle : Provide the child with a behavior to substitute for the undesirable one, such as playing a game rather than watching tv.
• Choice Principle : Provide the child with two choices for positive behaviors so that he/she feels a sense of empowerment. For example, you might say “would you rather take your bath before or after your brush your teeth?”
• When/Then – Abuse it/Lose it Principle : Ensure that rewards are lost when rules are broken. For example, you might say “After you clean your room, you can play outside” (which means that a child who does not clean his/her room, will not get to play outside. Period.)
• Connect Before You Correct Principle : Ensure that the child feels loved and cared for before behavioral problems are attended to.
• Validation Principle : Validate the child’s feelings. For example, you might say “I know you are sad about losing your sleepover tonight and I understand”.
• Good Head on Your Shoulders Principle : Ensure that the child hears the equivalent of “you have a good head on your shoulders” in order to feel capable, empowered and responsible for his/her choices. This is especially important for teenagers.
• Belonging and Significance Principle : Ensure that your child feels important and as if he/she belongs. For example, remind your child that he/she is really good at helping in the kitchen and that the family needs this help in order to have dinner.
• Timer Says it’s Time Principle : Set a timer to help children make transitions. This helps kids to know what’s expected of them and may also involve giving them a choice in terms of the amount of time. For example, you might say “Do you need 15 or 20 minutes to get dressed?” Make sure to let the child know that the time is set.

The reader is encouraged to check-out Kersey’s 101 positive discipline principles, as they contain an enormous amount of useful and effective approaches for parents; along with principles that reflect many everyday examples (e.g., Babysitter Principle; Apology Principle; Have Fun Together Principle; Talk About Them Positively to Others Principle; Whisper Principle; Write a Contract Principle; and so much more).

This section has provided many helpful positive discipline ideas for a myriad of parenting situations and challenges. Positive discipline (which will be expounded on later sections of in the article: i.e., ‘positive parenting with toddlers and preschoolers,’ ‘temper tantrums,’ ‘techniques to use at bedtime,’ etc.) is an effective discipline approach that promotes loving parent-child relationships, as well as producing productive, respectful, and happy children.

The notion of parenting a toddler can frighten even the most tough-minded among us. This probably isn’t helped by terms such as ‘terrible two’s,’ and jokes like “ Having a two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it ” (Jerry Seinfeld, goodreads.com).

Sure, toddlers and preschoolers get a bad rap; but they do sometimes seem like tiny drunken creatures who topple everything in their path. Not to mention their tremendous noise and energy, mood swings, and growing need for independence.

While their lack of coordination and communication skills can be endearing and often hilarious; they are also quite capable of leaving their parents in a frenzied state of frustration. For example, let’s consider the situation below.

The Grocery Store Blow-out

In this relatable example, a dad and his cranky 3-year-old find themselves in a long line at a grocery store. The child decides she’s had enough shopping and proceeds to throw each item out of the cart while emitting a blood-curdling scream.

The father, who may really need to get the shopping done, is likely to shrivel and turn crimson as his fellow shoppers glare and whisper about his “obnoxious child” or “bad parenting.” He, of course, tells her to stop; perhaps by asking her nicely, or trying to reason with her.

When this doesn’t’ work, he might switch his method to commanding, pleading, threatening, negotiating, or anything else he can think of in his desperation. But she is out of control and beyond reason. The father wants an immediate end to the humiliation; but he may not realize that some quick fixes intended to placate his child, will only make his life worse in the long run.

So, what is he to do?

Before going into specific solutions for this situation, it is essential that parents understand this developmental stage. There are reasons for the child’s aggravating behaviors; reasons that are biologically programmed to ensure survival.

For example, kids aged two-to-three are beginning to understand that there are a lot of things that seem scary in the world. As such, they may become anxious about a variety of situations; like strangers, bad dreams, extreme weather, creepy images, doctor and dentist offices, monsters, certain animals, slivers or other minor medical issues, etc.

While these childhood fears make life more difficult for parents (i.e., when a child won’t stay in his/her room at night due to monsters and darkness, or when a child makes an enormous fuss when left with a babysitter), they are actually an indicator of maturity (Durant, 2016).

The child is reacting in a way that supports positive development by fearing and avoiding perceived dangers. While fear of monsters does not reflect a truly dangerous situation, avoidance of individuals who appear mean or aggressive is certainly in the child’s best interest.

Similarly, fear of strangers is an innate protective mechanism that prompts children to stay close to those adults who keep them healthy and safe. And some strangers indeed should be feared. Although a challenge for parents, young children who overestimate dangers with consistent false-positives are employing their survival instincts.

In her book  Positive Discipline (which is free online and includes worksheets for parents), Durant (2016) notes the importance of respecting a child’s fears and not punishing her/him for them, as well as talking to the child in a way that shows empathy and helps him/her to verbalize feelings. Durant proposes that one of the keys of effective discipline is “… to see short-term challenges as opportunities to work toward your long-term goals” (2016, p. 21).

With this objective in mind, any steps a parent takes when dealing with a frightened or misbehaving child should always be taken with consideration of their potential long-term impact. Long-term goals, which Durant describes as “the heart of parenting” may be hard to think about when a child is challenging and a frustrated parent simply wants the behavior to stop.

However, punishing types of behaviors such as yelling, are not likely to be in-line with long-term parenting goals. By visualizing their preschooler as a high school student or even an adult, it can help parents to ensure that their immediate responses are in-line with the kind, peaceful and responsible person they wish to see in 15 years or so. Durant (2016) provides several examples of long-term parenting goals, such as:

• Maintaining a quality relationship with the parent
• Taking responsibility for actions
• Being respectful of others
• Knowing right from wrong
• Making wise decisions
• Being honest, loyal and trustworthy

Related: Examples of Positive Reinforcement in the Classroom

Grocery Store Blow-out Solutions

Long-term parenting goals are highly relevant to the maddening grocery store example. If the dad only thinks about the short-term goal of making his daughter’s behavior stop embarrassing him at the store, he might decide to tell her she can have a candy bar if she is quiet and stops throwing items from the cart.

This way, he might reason, he can finish his shopping quickly and without humiliation. Sure, this might work as far as getting the child to behave on that day— at that moment; BUT here are some likely consequences:

• Next time they go shopping, she will do this again in order to receive the candy reward.
• Pretty much every time they go shopping, she will do the same thing; and the value of the reward is likely to escalate as she gets tired of the candy.
• She will learn that this behavior can get her rewards in all sorts of places beyond the grocery store, thus making her exhausted parents afraid to take her anywhere.

Moreover, the message she receives from the candy tactic will not reinforce the qualities the father likely wants to see in his daughter over time, such as:

• Being respectful of her parents
• Being respectful of others around her
• Being respectful of others’ property
• Being responsible for her behavior
• Being courteous and considerate
• Being helpful
• Having good manners
• Having good social skills

Therefore, the father might instead deal with this situation by calmly telling her that she needs to stop or she will get a time-out. The time-out can take place somewhere in the store that is not reinforcing for her, such as a quiet corner with no people around (e.g., no audience). Or they can go sit in the car.

If the store is especially crowded, the dad might also ask the clerk to place his cart in a safe place and/or save his place in line until he returns (which he/she will likely be inclined to do if it will get the child to be quiet). After a brief time-out, he should give his daughter a hug and let her know the rules for the remainder of the shopping trip, as well as the consequences of not following them.

In some cases, it might be better for the parent to simply leave the store without the groceries and go home. He won’t have completed his shopping, but that will be a small price for having a child who learns a good lesson on how to behave.

Very importantly, however; if he does take her home, this absolutely cannot be done in a way that is rewarding (i.e., she gets to go home and play, watch tv, or anything else she enjoys). She will need a time-out immediately upon arriving home, as well as perhaps the message that dinner won’t be her favorite tonight since the shopping was not done.

This is not meant to be punitive or sarcastic, more of a natural consequence for her to learn from (e.g., “If I act-out at the store, we won’t have my favorite foods in the house”). In fact, even though he may not feel like it, the father needs to speak to his daughter in a kind and loving way.

Regardless of whether the consequence is in the store or at home, the dad absolutely must follow-through consistently. If he doesn’t, he will teach her that sometimes she can misbehave and still get what she wants; this is a pattern of reinforcement that is really difficult to break.

Of course, the father cannot leave the store each time she misbehaves, as he won’t get anything done and he’s also giving her too much control. Thus, he should prepare in advance for future shopping trips by making her aware of the shopping rules, expectations for her behavior, and the consequences if she breaks them.

The father should be specific about such things, as “I expect you to be good at the store” is not clear. Saying something more like “The rules for shopping are that you need to talk in your quiet voice, listen to daddy, sit still in the cart, help daddy give the items to the clerk, etc.” The dad is also encouraged to only take her shopping when she is most likely to behave (i.e., when well-rested, well-fed, not upset about something else, etc.).

He might also give her something to do while shopping, such as by bringing her favorite book or helping to put items in the cart. Giving his daughter choices will also help her feel a sense of control (i.e., “You can either help put the items in the cart or you can help give them to the clerk”).

And, finally, the little girl should be rewarded for her polite shopping behavior with a great deal of praise (i.e., “You were a very good girl at the store today. You really helped Daddy and I enjoyed spending time with you”).

He might also reward her with a special experience (i.e., “You were so helpful at the store, that we saved enough time to go the park later” or “You were such a great helper today; can you also help daddy make dinner?”). Of course, the reward should not consist of food, since that can lead to various other problems.

There are many more positive parenting tips for this and other difficult parenting scenarios throughout this article, as well as numerous helpful learning resources. In the meantime, it is always wise to remember that your toddler or preschooler does not act the way he/she does in order to torture you— it’s not personal.

There are always underlying reasons for these behaviors. Just keep your cool, plan-ahead, think about your long-term goals, and remember that your adorable little monster will only be this age for a brief time.

Related:  Parenting Children with Positive Reinforcement (Examples + Charts)

Siblings, whether biological; adopted; full or half stepsiblings; often pick at each other endlessly. Arguments between siblings are a normal part of life. However, sometimes the degree of animosity between siblings (e.g., sibling rivalry) can get out of control and interfere with the quality of the relationship. Not to mention creating misery for parents. Plus, there are negative long-term consequences of problematic sibling relationships, such as deviant behavior among older children and teens (Moser & Jacob, 2002).

Sibling rivalry is often complicated, as it is affected by a range of family variables, such as family size, parent-child interactions, parental relationships, children’s genders, birth order, and personality—among others. And it starts really early. Sometimes, as soon as a child realizes a baby brother or sister is on the way, emotions begin to run high. Fortunately, parents have a great opportunity to prepare their children from the start.

For example, the parent can foster a healthy sibling relationship by engaging in open communication about becoming a big brother or sister early on. This should be done in a way that is exciting and supports the child’s new role as the older sibling. Parents can support bonding by allowing the child to feel the baby kick or view ultrasound pictures. They can solicit their child’s help in decorating the baby’s room.

For some families, their newborn baby may be premature or have other medical problems that require time in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). In this situation, which can be quite stressful for siblings, parents should talk to the older child about what’s happening. Parents might also provide the child with updates on the baby’s progress, prepare the child for visits to the NICU, have the child draw a picture to leave with the baby, make a scrapbook for the baby, and set aside plenty of time with the older child (Beavis, 2007).

If the new child is going to be adopted, it is also important to encourage a connection. For example, along with explaining how the adoption will work, the child can be involved in the exciting aspects of the process once it is confirmed. In the case of an older child or international adoption, there are special things parents can do as well.

For example, if a child is in an orphanage, the sibling can help pick-out little gifts to send ahead of time (i.e., a stuffed animal, soft blanket or clothing). Having the child draw a picture and/or write a letter to the new sibling is another way to enhance the relationship. Adopting an older child will require particular preparation; as the new sibling will arrive with his/her own fears, traits, memories, and experiences that will certainly come into play.

There are a number of children’s books designed to help parents prepare their children for a new sibling, such as You Were the First (MacLachlan, 2013), My Sister Is a Monster : Funny Story on Big Brother and New Baby Sister How He Sees Her (Green, 2018), and Look-Look : The New Baby (Mayer, 2001).

There are also children’s books that help prepare children for adopted siblings, with some that are even more focused on the type of adoption. Here are a few examples: Seeds of Love : For Brothers and Sisters of International Adoption (Ebejer Petertyl & Chambers, 1997), A Sister for Matthew : A Story About Adoption (Kennedy, 2006), and Emma’s Yucky Brother (Little, 2002).

Along with the above tips, Amy McCready (2019) provides some excellent suggestions for ending sibling rivalry, these include:

• Avoid Labeling Children: by labeling children in ways such as “the social one,” “the great student,” “the athlete,” “the baby” etc., parents intensify comparisons, as well as one child’s belief that he/she does not possess the same positive qualities as the other one (i.e., “if he’s the ‘brainy one,’ I must be the ‘dumb one,’”).
• Arrange for Attention: Make sure each child has plenty of regular intentional attention so that they will be less inclined to fight for it.
• Prepare for Peace: McCready describes several ways to teach conflict resolution skills that help to avoid further issues between siblings.
• Stay out of Squabbles: Unless absolutely necessary (i.e., during a physical fight), it is best to stay out of squabbles. In doing so, the parent is not reinforcing the disagreement, while also enabling the children to work out solutions together.
• Calm the Conflict: If you must intervene, it is best to help the children problem-solve the situation without judgment or taking sides.
• Put them All in the Same Boat: McCready suggests that all children involved in the conflict receive the same consequence, which teaches them that they each will benefit from getting along.

These and other useful tips and resources are available on McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions website . Luckily, by being thoughtful and preparing ahead of time, parents can avoid excessive competition between children and promote meaningful lifelong sibling bonds.

Before discussing positive parenting with teenagers, it is important to remember one key fact: Teens still need and want their parents’ support, affection, and guidance— even if it doesn’t seem like it. Just as with younger kids, parental figures are essential for helping adolescents overcome difficult struggles (Wolin, Desetta & Hefner, 2016).

Indeed, by fostering a sense of mastery and internal locus of control, adults help to empower a teen’s sense of personal responsibility and control over the future (Blaustein & Kinniburgh, 2018). In fact, the presence of nurturing adults who truly listen has been reported among emotionally resilient teens (Wolin et al., 2016).

Positive parenting practices such as quality communication, parental monitoring, and authoritative parenting style also have been found to predict fewer risky behaviors among adolescents (DeVore & Ginsburg, 2005).

As parents of teens know, there are many challenges involved in parenting during this developmental period. Adolescents often find themselves confused about where they fit in the area between adulthood and childhood. They may desire independence, yet lack the maturity and knowledge to execute it safely. They are often frustrated by their bodily changes, acne and mood swings.

Teens may be overwhelmed by school, as well as pressures from parents and peers. Teens may feel bad about themselves and even become anxious or depressed as they try to navigate the various stressors they face.

Many of these difficulties, which certainly need attention from parents, may also make conversations difficult. Parents may feel confused as to how much freedom versus protectiveness is appropriate. The Love and Logic approach (Cline & Faye, 2006) provides some terrific ways for parents to raise responsible, well-adjusted teens.

The authors’ approach for parents involves two fundamental concepts: “Love [which] means giving your teens opportunities to be responsible and empowering them to make their own decisions.” And “Logic [which] means allowing them to live with the natural consequences of their mistakes-and showing empathy for the pain, disappointment, and frustration they’ll experience” (Foster, Cline, & Faye, 2019, hopelbc.com, p. 1).

Just as with young children, the Love and Logic method is a warm and loving way to prepare teens for the future while maintaining a quality relationship with parents.

Another positive parenting approach that is particularly applicable to adolescents is the Teen Triple P Program (Ralph & Sanders, 2004). Triple P (which will be described in a subsequent post) is tailored toward teens and involves teaching parents a variety of skills aimed at increasing their own knowledge and confidence.

The program also promotes various prosocial qualities in teens such as social competence, health, and resourcefulness; such that they will be able to avoid engaging in problem behaviors (e.g., substance use, risky sex, delinquency, Bulimia, etc.). This approach enables parents to replace harsh discipline styles for those that are more nurturing, without being permissive. It aims to minimize parent-teen conflict while providing teens with the tools and ability to make healthy choices (Ralph & Sanders, 2004).

Parents of teens (or future teens) often shudder when considering the dangers and temptations to which their children may be exposed. With a focus specifically on substance use, the Partnership for Drug-free Kids website offers a great deal of information for parents who are either dealing with teen drug use or are doing their best to prevent it.

For example, several suggestions for lowering the probability that a teen will use substances include:

• knowing your teen’s friends;
• being a positive role model in terms of your own coping mechanisms and use of alcohol and medication;
• being aware of your child’s level of risk for substance use;
• providing your teen with substance use information;
• supervising and monitoring your teen;
• setting boundaries;
• communicating openly about substance use; and
• building a supportive and warm relationship with your teen (Partnership for Drug-free Kids; PDK, 2014).

These suggestions are discussed in more detail on the following PDF : Parenting Practices: Help Reduce the Chances Your Child will Develop a Drug or Alcohol Problem (PDK, 2014). By employing these and other positive parenting techniques, you are helping your teenager to become a respectful, well-adjusted and productive member of society.

Divorce has become so common that dealing with it in the best possible way for kids is of vital importance to parents everywhere.

Parental divorce/separation represents a highly stressful experience for children that can have both immediate and long-term negative consequences.

Children of divorce are at increased risk for mental health, emotional, behavioral, and relationship problems (Department of Justice, Government of Canada, 2015).

There is, however, variability in how divorce affects children; with some adverse consequences being temporary, and others continuing well into adulthood. Since we know that divorce does not impact all children equally, the key question becomes: What are the qualities that are most effective for helping children to cope with parental divorce?

There are differences in children’s temperament and other aspects of personality, as well as family demographics, that affect their ability to cope with divorce. But, for present purposes, let’s focus on the aspects of the divorce itself since this is the area parents have the most power to change.

Importantly, the detrimental impact of divorce on kids typically begins well before the actual divorce (Amato, 2000). Thus, it may not be the divorce per se that represents the child risk factor; but rather, the parents’ relationship conflicts and how they are handled. For divorced/divorcing parents, this information is encouraging—as there are things you can do to help your children (and you) remain resilient despite this difficult experience.

Parental Conflict and Alienation

There are several divorce-related qualities that make it more difficult for children to adapt to divorce, such as parental hostility and poor cooperation between parents (Amato, 2000); and interpersonal conflict between parents along with continued litigation (Goodman, Bonds, & Sandler, et al., 2005).

Parents dealing with divorce need to make a special effort not to expose their children to conflicts between parents, legal and money related issues, and general animosity. The latter point merits further discussion, as parents often have a difficult time not badmouthing each other in front of (or even directly to) their kids. It is this act of turning a child against a parent that ultimately serves to turn a child against himself (Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011).

Badmouthing the other divorced parent is an alienation strategy, given its aim to alienate the other parent from the child. Such alienation involves any number of criticisms of the other parent in front of the child. This may even include qualities that aren’t necessarily negative, but which can be depicted as such for the sake of enhancing alienation (Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011).

Baker and Ben-Ami (2011) note that parental alienation tactics hurt children by sending the message that the badmouthed parent does not love the child. Also, the child may feel that, because their badmouthed parent is flawed; that he/she is similarly damaged. When a child receives a message of being unlovable or flawed, this negatively affects his/her self-esteem, mood, relationships, and other areas of life ( Baker & Ben-Ami, 2011 ).

An excellent resource for preventing parental alienation is Divorce Poison : How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing (Warshak, 2010).

Warshak describes how one parent’s criticism of the other may have a highly detrimental impact on the targeted parent’s relationship with his/her child. And such badmouthing absolutely hurts the child. Badmouthed parents who fail to deal with the situation appropriately are at risk of losing the respect of their kids and even contact altogether. Warshak provides effective solutions for bad-mouthed parents to use during difficult situations, such as:

• How to react when you find out about the badmouthing
• What to do if your kids refuse to see you
• How to respond to false accusations
• How to insulate kids from bad-mouthing effects

Reasons that parents attempt to manipulate children, as well as behaviors often exhibited by children who have become alienated from one parent,  are also described (Warshak, 2010). This book, as well as additional resources subsequently listed, provides hope and solutions for parents who are dealing with the pain of divorce.

Importantly, there are ways to support children in emerging from divorce without long-term negative consequences (i.e., by protecting them from parental animosity). It is in this way that parents can “enable their children to maintain love and respect for two parents who no longer love, and may not respect, each other” (Warshak, 2004-2013, warshak.com).

17 Exercises for Positive, Fulfilling Relationships

Empower others with the skills to cultivate fulfilling, rewarding relationships and enhance their social wellbeing with these 17 Positive Relationships Exercises [PDF].

Created by experts. 100% Science-based.

Positive parenting is an effective style of raising kids that is suitable for pretty much all types of parents and children. This article contains a rich and extensive collection of positive parenting research and resources; with the goal of arming caregivers with the tools to prevent or tackle a multitude of potential challenges. And, of course, to foster wellness and healthy development in children.

Here are the article’s key takeaways:

• Parents are never alone. Whatever the problem or degree of frustration, there is a whole community of parents who have faced the same issues. Not to mention a ton of positive parenting experts with effective solutions.
• Positive parenting begins early. Positive parenting truly starts the moment a person realizes he/she is going to become a parent since even the planning that goes into preparing for a child’s arrival will have an impact.
• Positive parenting applies to all developmental periods. With a positive parenting approach, raising toddlers and teenagers need not be terrible nor terrifying. Positive parenting promotes effective, joyful parenting of kids of all ages.
• Positive parents raise their children in a way that empowers them to reach their full potential as resilient and fulfilled individuals. Positive parents are warm, caring, loving and nurturing— and so much more: They are teachers, leaders, and positive role models. They are consistent and clear about expectations. They know what their kids and teens are doing. They encourage and reinforce positive behaviors. They make family experiences a priority. They support their children’s autonomy and individuality. They love their children unconditionally. They engage in regular, open dialogues with their children. They are affectionate, empathetic, and supportive. They understand that their teenagers still need them.
• Positive discipline is an effective, evidence-based approach that is neither punitive nor permissive. Positive discipline is performed in a loving way without anger, threats, yelling, or punishment. It involves clear rules, expectations, and consequences for behavior; and consistent follow-through. It is in alignment with parents’ long-term parenting goals.
• Positive parenting is backed by empirical evidence supporting its many benefits. Positive parenting promotes children’s self-esteem, emotional expression, self-efficacy, sense of belonging, social and decision-making skills, and belief in themselves. Positive parenting fosters secure attachments and quality relationships with parents; school adjustment and achievement; reduced behavior problems, depressive symptoms, and risk behaviors; and positive youth development in general. The outcomes associated with positive parenting are long-term and often permanent.
• Positive parenting is applicable to a vast array of challenges. Positive parenting applies to everyday challenges, as well as more frustrating and even severe issues. Positive parenting has been effectively used for dealing with temper tantrums, bedtime and eating issues, and sibling rivalry; as well as difficulties associated with divorce, ADHD, family stressors, teen pressures, and risk-taking—and much more.
• Positive parenting solutions are both abundant and accessible. Because positive parenting experts have tackled so many parenting issues, available resources are plentiful. Along with the many tips and suggestions contained in this article; there is a whole online library of positive parenting-related activities, workbooks, books, videos, courses, articles, and podcasts that cover a broad range of parenting topics.

Considering the many positive parenting solutions and resources currently available, parents can approach their role as teachers, leaders, and positive role models with confidence and optimism. And, ultimately, by consistently applying positive parenting strategies; parents will experience a deep and meaningful connection with their children that will last a lifetime. ?

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free .

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I am currently a student in occupational therapy and I am in the process of completing my dissertation for my degree, focusing on positive parenting and its impact on children with ADHD. Recently, I purchased a book that contained a QR code leading me to your article. Would it be possible to receive the DOI and the PDF of this article via email, please?

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Thank you for compiling this research. It was truly helpful in getting started on a positive path.

Hi there! I am writing a research paper on gentle parenting and the positive effects it has. Would you be able to send me your resource list for this article?

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I am also writing a paper. When citing this article, should I use 2019 or 2023 as the date? Thank you!

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Great article. I really liked. I will share this article with my school.

I totally agree with many different points has written in this useful article, I spent several days to complete it,, but it was really worthy especially what you mentioned here about model of parenting. Thank your for all details and sources you wrote up there and waiting for your new things coming up.

i love your blog and always like new things coming up from it.

Positive parenting is key for a happy family! I totally agree that positive parenting promotes effective, joyful parenting of kids of all ages. The most important things about such a model of parenting are to know your kid’s friends, being a positive role model in terms of your own coping mechanisms and use of alcohol and medication, and building a supportive and warm relationship with your child. We are responsible for the future generation, therefore raising happy and good person is a must!

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Essay on Parents: Free Samples for School Students

• Updated on  
• Nov 6, 2023

Robert Brault once said, ‘A parent’s love is whole no matter how many times divided.’ Our parents mean everything to us. From birth to the day we become financially independent, our parents have always been there for us, formulate our thoughts and make or change the decisions in our lives. Parents play a crucial role in a child’s emotional, social, intellectual, and physical development. We celebrate important days like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day to honour and respect our parents. No words can describe the efforts and the hardships they go through. Therefore, today we will be providing you with an essay on parents to help you understand their importance in our lives and their role in shaping our future.

Table of Contents

• 1 Essay on Parents in 100 Words
• 2 Essay on Parents in 200 Words
• 3 Essay on Parents in 300 Words

Also Read: Parental Pressure: Care But Not Too Much

Essay on Parents in 100 Words

Also Read: Importance of Education in Our Life

Essay on Parents in 200 Words

Also Read: National Parent’s Day 2023

Essay on Parents in 300 Words

Ans: It’s very easy to write an essay on parents, all you need to do is highlight every aspect of your life where your parents have supported you. You can start by mentioning your early school days when you were having difficulties with your classmates or teacher, and how beautifully your parents helped you. Real-life examples will give value to your essay as it will portray the emotional bond between you and your parents.

Ans: Mere words cannot describe the importance of parents in our lives, as they always try to do their best. Our parents offer us the life which they ever dreamed of so that we can have a flourishing future. They are the primary source of moral guidance for us. They impart values, ethics, and principles that shape our understanding of right and wrong, contributing to the development of a strong moral compass.

Ans: Here are 5 lines on parents: Parents are the guiding lights that illuminate the path of a child’s life; They provide unconditional love, which forms the bedrock of our emotional well-being; Through their nurturing presence, parents provide a sense of security and stability; They serve as role models, imparting values and morals that shape our character; Parents are the first teachers, introducing us the wonders of the world.

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Shiva Tyagi

With an experience of over a year, I've developed a passion for writing blogs on wide range of topics. I am mostly inspired from topics related to social and environmental fields, where you come up with a positive outcome.

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Experts offer four reasons why kids need to own their college essays — and one way parents can help

The day the Operation Varsity Blues admissions scandal broke, I was gutted. The news that a well-heeled cohort of parents paid eye-watering amounts of money to get their kids into brand-name universities felt acutely damaging and unfair — not only to the kids who earned their admissions offers honestly but also to those kids whose parents conned the system.

Beyond telegraphing to students that it’s okay to cheat, the message these parents sent to their children was: You know all that hard work you did in high school? None of it is good enough.

Admittedly, the college application process can be overwhelming, and kids could use some assistance navigating it all. But if the college application process feels as if it’s gotten out of hand, we parents — with our resources and connections, degrees and expectations — are at least partly to blame.

“Can we just say how crazy it is that we even have to have this conversation in the first place?” says Macy Lenox, a mom of two and an associate dean of admissions at the University of Virginia. “As a parent myself, I don’t come to this from a place of judgment but from one of understanding. We’re drowning our kids in our best intentions. We’ve lost sight of our job, which is not to be the applicant, but to be the best supporters of the applicant we can be.” This means demonstrating confidence in their abilities, Lenox says. “By doing things for them, you’re saying, I can do this better than you . Part of our job is empowering them to be advocates for themselves; to be successful in college, you’ve got to be able to use your own voice.”

Yet when we hear stories from friends or read posts on social media about all the hoop-jumping necessary to get into college these days, it’s understandably crazy-making. Even the most stalwart defenders of their kids’ independence can lose sight of the line between supporting and doing the work for them. And while most parents would rightfully balk at the idea of, say, rigging their kid’s SAT score , or Photoshopping their child’s face onto the body of an athlete in a sport their kid doesn’t play , the writing of college essays — with their lack of oversight, benchmarks or guarantees — remains a gray area.

Shawn Felton, senior director of undergraduate admissions at Cornell University, stresses how essential it is that kids don’t leapfrog over the opportunities for introspection intrinsic in writing essays. “Applying to college is a milestone marked by an applicant’s commitment to invest in further engaging, understanding and communicating themselves [to people] beyond those who have always known them,” Felton says. “Colleges ask applicants to take a look inside themselves and consider who they are and what they want. My hope is that individuals invest in better knowing themselves during this moment, and that they bring a real authenticity to communicating with colleges when writing their essays.”

Parents can, however, support their kids through this process, which includes encouraging them to do the challenging and ultimately gratifying work of telling their story on the page. Here, college admissions experts offer four reasons why parents should take a step back — and one way we can lean into the moment.

Writing their college essays helps kids gear up for success after high school . “The admission experience is a precursor to life in college — parents are not going to be there to concierge for their child,” says Rick Clark, director of undergraduate admission at Georgia Tech and author of “ The Truth About College Admission .” Clark says that the essays are the one place on the application that kids’ voices can come through: “That’s fundamentally the point of the essay — it’s important for the applicant to examine and articulate what matters to them . When parents become a second author, they rob the essay of the very thing we’re looking for, which is the student’s voice.”

“The college search itself is a learning experience, and everything changes so much from the time kids start the process to the time they enroll. In writing the essays, kids should discover something that’s important to them,” says education journalist and author of Jeff Selingo, who spent a year embedded in admissions offices at competitive colleges around the country for his book “ Who Gets in and Why?: A Year Inside College Admissions .” On a practical note, Selingo adds: “You’re going to have to be able to write when you’re in college; you might as well learn how to write now.”

Writing is therapy. “It can be frustrating to watch students grapple with their personal narratives, but when adults impose their word choices and life experiences on a student’s college essays, it sacrifices the authenticity,” says Mike Mallory, a former associate dean of admissions at U-Va. and current president and CEO of the Ron Brown Scholar Fund.

Mallory, who has been reading college essays for more than three decades, including more than 2,000 essays each year written by the high-achieving African American students who apply for the Ron Brown program, emphasizes that the exercise of telling your story is part of the coming-of-age of the college process: “ The inherent value of an essay is the opportunity for reflection and growth, and drafting essays involves a decision-making process that can be as unique as a thumbprint. When students decide on their own topic, ... it’s invariably much better than whatever someone else might come up with for them. It may not be an easy topic to write about, but if it’s yours, no one should dissuade you from writing it.”

Admissions officers know what a 17-year-old voice sounds like — and what a 47-year-old voice sounds like. “When parents overly coach or even write the essays, they usually end up trying to shoehorn their kid’s entire life into a couple of hundred words, or trying to write a list of what they think the admissions officers want to read — I started a nonprofit, I went on a service trip to fill-in-the-blank country . It’s highly mind-numbing,” Selingo says. “Admissions officers are really looking for something they can’t learn from other parts of the application, the slice-of-life stories. It’s the authenticity of the kid’s voice that makes an essay stand out. ”

UVA’s Lenox underscores this point: “The best essays are the ones where we don’t just want to admit the student, we want to take them out for coffee once they’re here. We’re not admitting academic machines — we’re admitting classmates and roommates and kids who will make thoughtful contributions to our community.”

If you write your kid’s essay, you’re depriving them of the opportunity to recognize just how much they do bring to the table. “Communicating with intent and purpose through their admission essays is a kind of writing exercise that most college applicants have not experienced,” Cornell’s Felton says. “Just like the life journeys of most college applicants are still being shaped and realized, so, too, are their communication and writing skills. When reading college application essays, we expect to see this unfinished vulnerability on display in a distinct, unique way for each applicant. It’s important for us to hear directly from each applicant about their story and how it’s going so far.”

Essays can provide a growth opportunity for parents, too. Yes, kids need to write their own essays, but they don’t have to do it alone. Whitney Soule, dean of admissions and student aid at Bowdoin College, adds that parents can help with essays by encouraging them to flesh out their thoughts and ensure clarity: “Parents can be a sounding board for an idea, asking questions that help the student develop that idea further or let them know if a description is confusing. When anyone besides the student does the writing, it actually interferes with how that picture comes together for us in admissions.”

Lenox says that the most effective editing is in questioning, not rewriting: “Parents can ask what did you mean by that? Is it clear to the audience? Polishing is clarity, not changing. Kids should be asked this many times over to ensure they’re not just throwing out an answer that they think you want to hear.”

Parents should certainly play a supporting role in perhaps the most important aspect of the college process: helping kids thrive wherever they enroll. “Parents love their kids, but your job as a parent isn’t to get your kid into a certain school,” Clark says. “Your job is to prepare them for wherever they go. Build the foundation — not just academically. Wherever they land, you want them to be successful.”

Adrienne Wichard-Edds is a writer and co-founder of www.theessaycoaches.com . Follow her on Twitter at @WichardEdds .

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'Don't Think of Ugly People': How Parenting Advice Has Changed

The curious history told in 19th and early 20th century mothering advice books is a mix of unreasonable demands and unfounded claims. At the same time, though, one can see how it made sense.

I recently visited my friend Julia, mostly to nuzzle the head of her newborn, Eloise. As Julia and I talked, I shifted Eloise to lie on my stomach, facing the large television that dominates Julia's living room.

Suddenly Julia's relaxed body snapped alert. "Oh! No, turn her around. She's not allowed to watch TV until she's two." She seemed prepared to jump up and shield her daughter from the television. I turned Eloise's warm little body around, kissing her cheek as I did it, "Uh-oh, Sweetie," I told her. "You have those kind of parents."

What Eloise has, like most babies, are good parents. Good parents, especially first time parents, seek advice. Julia and her husband are following the American Academy of Pediatrics' recommendation that screen time for babies is unhealthy. They have a fat stack of parenting guides sitting in their daughter's carefully assembled nursery, full of similar information that can help them care for a person who has very specific needs which she can't communicate.

The market is pretty much choking on baby care books today. The a phenomenon seemed to launch in the 1950s with Dr. Benjamin Spock's Baby and Child Care . While his child-rearing advice reached the largest audience in history, he was by no means the first to put rules for infant care in authoritative print. The business of instructing mothers on how to do their job really bloomed in the 19th century.

If you're a fan of peculiar history, you won't do better than 19th and early 20th century mothering advice books. They are conglomerations of pseudoscience, unreasonable demands, and authoritative statements without foundation.

At least they seem so now.

In 1878, in The Physical Life of Woman , Dr. George H Napheys cites a published study by child care expert Dr. Henry Kennedy. The study presented evidence that, if you truly wanted your child to maintain health, the baby's sleeping position most always be with the head pointing due north. "There are known to be great electrical currents always coursing in one direction around the globe. In the opinion of Dr. Kennedy there is no doubt that our nervous systems are in some mysterious way connected with this universal agent, as it may be called, electricity."

Well, you can't prove they're not , can you? And what would it hurt to play it safe, just in case?

"Pregnant mothers should avoid thinking of ugly people, or those marked by any deformity or disease; avoid injury, fright and disease of any kind." This was written in the 1920s, in a book called Searchlights on Health: The Science of Eugenics , by B. G. Jefferis and J. L. Nichols. It's interesting to note that a remarkable number of parenting manuals from the era used the word "eugenics." This was before it had come to be mean, "something Hitler was really into." To them it had positive connotations, related to increasing the strength and qualities of the next generation, and less to do with stamping out the impurities of mankind for the propagation of the Master Race.

These books were written well into the scientific age, by men who claimed to possess scientifically collected knowledge. It shows how deeply bewildered and susceptible parents were as the world changed around them, and how tightly the old wives' tales still gripped people's minds. Who wanted to be the first to contradict them at the peril of their child?

Still, that sort of counsel represents the more fringe advice of the era. There might have been almost as many people rolling their eyes at it then as now. It was the advice they actually followed that is truly disturbing. So much so that you begin to wonder how anyone survived a 19th century childhood without emerging as a hardened sociopath.

From the day of birth, schedules and strict discipline were of deep importance. This baby was to interfere as little as possible with your life. Affection was to be restricted, with care instructions more fitting a ficus than a child. From 1916's The Mother and her Child by Drs. Lena and William Sadler: "Handle the baby as little as possible. Turn it occasionally from side to side, feed it, change it, keep it warm, and let it alone; crying is absolutely essential to the development of good strong lungs. A baby should cry vigorously several times each day."

As the child grew, regulated contact could be tolerated. "At the age of two weeks, the child may be systematically carried about in the arms 2 to 3 times a day, as a means of furnishing additional change in position," is the precise advice of Dr. JP Crozer Griffith in 1900.

Even bowel movements were regimented. "Children under one year of age should have two movements of the bowels in the twenty-four hours, and those from one to three years at least one stool a day," wrote Napheys. Should the baby not conform to these healthy perimeters, the same books prescribed any number of enemas, draughts, and oils to make things more shipshape.

As for "crying it out," the advice of the early manuals was unanimous. A spoiled baby will be miserable its entire life, prone to hysterics and weakness, unable to cope with the life's hard turns. And the first and worst way to spoil a baby is to hold it when it cries. Per the Sadlers:

We run into many snags when we undertake to discipline the nervous baby. The first is that it will sometimes cry so hard that it will get black in the face and may even have a convulsion; occasionally a small blood vessel may be ruptured on some part of the body, usually the face. When you see the little one approaching this point, turn it over and administer a sound spanking and it will instantly catch its breath.

There comes a time in every parent's journey, when, after doing everything they can, they simply must close the door on a secured but screaming baby and walk away. Few make a habit of it, and fewer still would see their newborn's face turning black and convulsing with ruptured blood vessels as a "snag" worthy of a spanking.

Dr. Rima Apple is a professor emerita of human ecology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and the author of Perfect motherhood: Science and childrearing in America . When I talked to Dr. Apple about the bizarre parenting practices of the past, one of the first things she asked me to do was stop using the word "stupid."

Because those parents, and those experts, they weren't stupid. Apple summed it up in a single sentence: "It made sense in their time."

According to the CDC , in the year 1900, 10 to 30 percent of all American babies born died before their first birthday. They died from things we don't think about. They died because their drinking water was too close to their sewers. Because the cow's milk they drank was unpasteurized. They died of measles and whooping cough and all the diseases that now cause four minutes of hard crying in a nurse's office and a Batman Band-Aid, instead of death. That was the time these writers, and the mothers they wrote for, lived in.

They were frightened.

They didn't know why their babies died, or screamed, or sickened; and they clung desperately to anyone who claimed to have the knowledge to prevent it.

"We're not smarter now," said Dr. Apple. "We simply have more information. More knowledge is only more detail, but it does not give us the complete answer."

"Why do you think mothers were told not to pick up their babies when they cried?" she asked me. As a mother myself, I have always been astounded by my ability to stop another human's suffering with only my arms, and could not fathom any mother feeling differently.

Yet my mind provided a wordless answer, a picture, almost immediately. A kitchen at the turn of the century, a heap of soiled clothes by a washboard, a dead chicken waiting to be scalded and plucked, countless other children bringing their chaos and noise to their mother, a husband plowing far out in the back forty and a grandmother who stayed back east.

Dr. Apple filled in the words. "If a mother had four kids to care for she couldn't pick them up every half hour. So the baby must learn to take care of itself. It was necessary for the time. They were taught not to be selfish."

Necessity mixed with fear and little solid information to quell it. This all added up to parenting practices that would drop the jaws of modern devotees of What to Expect When You're Expecting .

The books themselves, childcare manuals that bloomed in the 19th century and never let up, came into play for two reasons, according to Dr. Apple. First, the mid-1800s saw the rise of the male pediatrician and obstetrician. Never before in history had men of medicine taken an active interest in the care of common children and women. To establish themselves and prove that they were better than the lowly midwife, they wrote books, emblazoned with the powerful letters following their names. "MD, FRS, DCI." The reader may have no idea what those letters actually meant, but they were nonetheless comforted that the advice they were getting was expert.

The second reason was what Dr. Apple calls "mobility." You no longer lived your whole life in the same town that your forefathers had founded and died in. You moved for better work, you emigrated west; you set up homesteads in places where your nearest neighbor was 640 acres away. Your mother and aunties weren't around to advise you. At the same time, your family was smaller than it had ever been, meaning you were less likely to have seen others care for babies.

Dr. Apple's view that today we only have more details, not full answers, resonates. Parents are still all too aware of what they don't know. Fear still sells. The mortality rate of American babies today is infinitesimal compared to any other time in history. We no longer worry about diphtheria or a mother's argument with a neighbor poisoning her breast milk. So we find different things to worry about. Things that even the most exhaustively detailed books of yesteryear would never even have considered.

Should drop-side cribs be banned? Which chemicals might be seeping into my child's liver through the plastic in her sippy cup? What's worse for baby: formula feeding, or just directly feeding it lead paint chips?

Dr. Apple offers a calmer point of view. "I'm a historian, not a healthcare practitioner, but from my experience and readings, I would say that the basic rule would be 'everything in moderation.' Anything done to excess can be potentially harmful; for example the difference between a daily multivitamin and a mega-dose of vitamins."

Recommended

There is one thing we tend to forget with our babies as we look down on them in their cribs, hoping the wispy rise and fall of their chests will continue even after we look away, and genuinely afraid that it won't. Babies want to live. They want to thrive. No matter what new wave in parenting washes over them, they adapt. In 100 years historians may be disgusted by our use of diapers, and click their tongues over our ignorance of subatomic particles as they relate to cognitive development. They will be around to judge our folly because they survived it, just as our grandparents survived the incomplete information their parents had.

I left with Eloise snuggled onto her mother's chest, sleeping in contentment. A safe child, whose parent's love is delivered in the fashion becoming the 21st century. Though it might be more gentle and attentive, it is no less a love than has ever come before.

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Narrative Essay: I Love My Parents

Parents are the closest people that we have in our lives, whether we realize it or not. They love us not because we are smart, beautiful, successful or we have a good sense of humour, but just because we are their children. I, too, love mom and dad simply because they are my parents, but I think I would have felt the same even if they weren’t. I love who they are as people, each with their own individual traits – and, together, forming an amazing super-team that’s made me who I am today and taught me what life is all about.

My mother is a cheerful, chatty perfectionist who seems to always find something to get excited about and who can talk for hours about animals and flowers. She is never afraid to speak her mind and she can be very convincing when she wants to. She sometimes get upset a bit too easily, but she is just as quick to forgive and forget. I love mom for all that she is – even when she’s angry – for all that she has done for me, and for all that she’s taught me. My mom has been through a lot throughout the years, but she always kept fighting.She taught me to never lose hope even in the direst of moments, and she showed me how to look for happiness in the small things. She’s been trying to teach me to be more organized as well, but hasn’t succeeded yet. I love her for that too.

My father is quiet, patient and calm, and he has an adorable hit-and-miss sense of humour. I may not always find his jokes that funny, but I love him for trying. Dad almost never gets angry and he is always polite, friendly and nice to everyone. He is not the one to verbalize emotions, but he always shows his feelings through sweet gestures and little surprizes. He is the pacifist in our family and never goes against mom’s wishes, but he runs a large company witha firm hand. I love my father for all these characteristics and for all he’s sacrificed to build a better life for us. He’s worked day and night to ensure we afford good education and have a rich, wonderful childhood, and he has passed up many great opportunities for the benefit of our family. I love dad because he’s taught me that you cannot have it all in life, but with hard work and dedication, you can have what matters most to you.

Mom and dad may be very different people, but they complement each other perfectly. Together, they formed a super-team that was always there – and, thankfully, still is – to provide comfort, nurturing, and support and help me grow as a person. Their complementary personalities bring balance in our family, and each of them steps in whenever they are needed the most. Together, they taught me to believe in myself and have turned me into a fighter. Their care and dedication towards me and each other has served as an example of what healthy relationships should be like, and I love and admire them for that.

I love my parents because they are my parents, my good friends, my heroes, my role models, my safe haven, my pillars of strength.I am who I am today thanks to them, and I know that their support and affection will play an essential role in what I will become in the future.All I can hope is that, when I have children of my own, I will be half as good a parent as they were to me.

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• My Parents Essay in English for Students & Children

Essay on My Parents for Students & Children

An essay is basically a short version of expressing the writer’s perspective. It is very similar to a story or a short article. Essays can be written in a formal manner and also an informal manner. However, writing an essay at an early age helps to develop many skills in a child. 

Essay writing is included from the Class 1 to 4 English syllabus. That is why we, at Vedantu, have brought up this sample essay on ‘My Parents’ for your reference. You can take a look at it and use it as study material for your child’s learning.

My parents are my superheroes. They are my strength. They stand by me in every crisis of my life. They are the most important people in my life. I love my parents very much. I feel really happy and safe whenever I am with them.

We live in Bangalore but my parents are actually from Mumbai, Maharashtra. My mom is a nutritionist and my dad is a software engineer by profession. Both my parents are good at playing badminton and various other indoor games. My mom is also a good swimmer. I go to the swimming club in our society with her every Sunday to learn how to swim. 

My mom wakes up in the morning and prepares food for everyone. My dad also helps my mom. Then my dad helps me in getting ready for school every day. Meanwhile, my mom prepares my lunchbox and keeps it in my bag. She also keeps books and notebooks in my school bag as per my daily routine. My mom prepares really tasty food and so does my dad. I am really happy to have such great parents.

They take care of our health. While keeping unwell, my dad calls the doctor or takes me to the doctor so that I get recovered soon. They pray to God every day for my health. In addition to household chores, my mom also helps me out with my homework. 

We spend a lot of time together on the weekends and holidays. We go out to the movies or eat in the restaurant. During long vacations, we go to beautiful beaches or mountains to calm our nerves and refresh ourselves. My dad loves beaches while my mom is fond of hill areas. I like both. I just love spending my vacations with them. 

Everyone loves their parents because they support and save you from every evil thing. Not only do they protect us but also they sacrifice our well-being as well. The value of our parents cannot be described in words. We cannot rise and shine without them. They play a great role in our lives so that we can gain all the success and happiness in the world.

My parents are my biggest source of strength. They stand by me and help me whenever I am in trouble.  My parents make me feel safe at all times.

We live in Varanasi, but my parents are from Mumbai. My mother is a nutritionist and my father is a doctor by profession. My parents are good Badminton players, and I am also learning the game from them.  My mother is also a good swimmer and I accompany her to the swimming club in our society on all Sundays to learn how to swim.

 My mother makes breakfast and our tiffins every morning. Before she leaves for work, she makes sure to finish all the cooking for the day too. My father helps my mother with a lot of things. My father helps me and my brother in getting ready for school every day., while my mother is in the kitchen. Mother takes care not to forget to put our tiffin boxes inside our bags.  She also makes sure we have all our necessary books and notebooks in the schoolbags as per the daily routine. My mother is a great cook and prepares very delicious food. My father is a very good cook too and he enjoys cooking.

Parents take care of our health and look after us properly, and make sure I and my brother are very well taken care of. In addition to household chores, my mother also helps me with my homework, whenever I need help.

We spend a lot of time together and on weekends and holidays, we go out to the movies or eat-in restaurants. During vacations, we go for long holidays. My father is very fond of the sea and my mother prefers the hills. So we enjoy an equal share of both. And like my father, I also love the sea. 

I enjoy spending time with my parents, and I also get to spend time with my friends. My parents are very loving and understanding. The value of our parents cannot be described in words. They play a great role in our lives so that we can gain all the success and happiness in the world.

FAQs on My Parents Essay in English for Students & Children

1. What is Essay writing and why is it important?

An essay can best be described as a formal piece of writing which has only one topic. Essay writing  is very advantageous, especially for children. It gives children a chance to collect their thoughts and ideas together and put them down in words, in an elaborate manner. Essay writing is often considered a fun activity. It helps young children to use their imagination. Essay writing is recognized as very useful for kids, and it builds their linguistic skills as they grow older.

2. How can you teach young children to write an essay?

Teaching young children to write an essay involves certain steps, which will help them understand the flow that is required to write an essay. Steps like i) Teaching the young child the use of basic grammar and of writing skills, ii) teach them to make an outline, iii) encourage them to think, iv) note down all the points. Following these steps, the young child will learn how to place all the words together. This in turn, will become a fun activity for them too.

3. Why is My Parents' Essay important?

Essay writing is a habit that children learn from a young age. Essay writing encourages students to think and to write their thoughts on paper.’ My parents’ topic is a basic and very easy essay topic  every child is able to relate to. Writing their thoughts down is a way of encouraging them to utilize their brain power and their creativity, which will help build their writing skills.  Essay writing helps children think over a topic and then put those thoughts down on paper.

4. How can you help children write an essay on ‘My Parents’?

Helping children to write an essay on My Parents is not a difficult task as long as you have a few handy tips which should include the following points: names of both mother and father, their individual professions, their hobbies and how their hobbies are helping the children, the nature of both parents, etc. Once the children have answers to these basic questions, writing them down on paper will not be much difficult.

5. Where can you get samples of essays on ‘my Parent’?

Essay writing is important for all children and enables children to develop  many skills. It is also important to be able to practice some of the sample essays that are available for practice. The online portal, Vedantu.com offers sample essays for students of Class 1 upto Class 4,, that have been formulated in a  well structured, well researched, and easy to understand manner. These study materials and sample essay writings are all important and are very easily accessible from Vedantu.com and can be downloaded too.

Writing Compassionately about Parents

Today ’s post is by writer and editor Katie Bannon ( @katiedbannon ).

You may be familiar with the iconic opening line of Anna Karenina : “All happy families are alike. Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

Many of us end up writing about our family dynamics in memoir and personal essays, whether we planned to or not. Family members, for better or for worse, are endlessly fascinating. But how do we write about our uniquely dysfunctional families—and our parents, in particular—without being petty? How can we craft rich portraits that show their full, flawed humanity?

The more complex, the better.

Readers respond most to complicated characters. Try to be as balanced as possible in your portrayal of your parents. Showing their redeeming qualities alongside their shortcomings will make them read as human on the page. As a species, we are full of contradictions, and your parent characters should be too.

Remember that it’s difficult for readers to connect with characters who appear one-dimensional. If your mother or father is coming across as either wholly good or wholly bad, the reader is likely to distrust you as a narrator. Readers might wonder if you’ve done the processing necessary to come to terms with who your parents are/were, and if personal grievances are causing you to portray them unfairly.

Readers are also highly attuned to moments when the narrator wants them to see a character a particular way, rather than allowing them to form their own judgments. A one-sided portrayal of a parent won’t cause a reader to hate or love them—it will probably only make them detach from the narrative entirely. Capturing our parents’ complexity isn’t about giving them a “free pass” or sugar-coating their flaws. It’s about ensuring our readers can feel invested in them as characters, and as a result, stay engaged in the narrative as a whole.

If you’re writing about a difficult parent, consider how you might add nuance and compassion to their portrayal by asking the following questions:

• What might have motivated the parent to act the way they did? Was it protectiveness? Fear? Low self-esteem?
• As an adult, what do you understand about the parent that you didn’t know when you were a child?
• Think about the parent’s own trauma and family history. Can you draw connections between the parent’s actions/behaviors and their own past? The ways their own parents treated them?

On the flipside, maybe you idealize a parent. Sometimes this happens once parents have passed away; grief can make it difficult for us to recognize a parent’s shortcomings. But readers distrust perfect characters—they often read as inauthentic or cartoon-like. To help dig deeper into your parent’s complexity, ask yourself the following questions:

• What scares/scared this person? What is/was their greatest fear?
• What do you imagine is/was their biggest regret in life?
• What makes/made your parent feel embarrassed or ashamed?

Don’t tell us who your parents are. Show us instead.

Scenes allow us to watch your parents in action. We can see how they interact with you and others, observe their body language and mannerisms (biting fingernails, scowling, etc.), and hear the way they speak. Detail is at the heart of excellent character portrayals, and scenes are the perfect place to create the color and texture that brings parent characters to life.

Many of us harbor strong feelings toward our parents. This may result in a tendency to sum them up neatly in the narration: “My father was an angry man.” “My mother dealt with a lifetime of guilt.” While telling certainly has its place in memoir and personal essay, it’s often more effective to show us your parents’ personalities through scenes.

Instead of telling us your father was an angry man, show us a scene of him throwing a plate across the kitchen. Paint a picture of his anger through the details: the furrowing of his brow, the thunderous sound of the plate smashing, the way his screams echoed off the walls. A scene like this will allow readers to feel your father’s rage in a visceral, immersive way.

Showing parents in scene also helps you avoid labeling them. Labels reduce your parents to a “type,” diluting the nuance of your character portrayals. Mary Karr doesn’t call her parents “alcoholics” in her memoirs; instead, we see her pouring her parents’ vodka down the drain. Scenes and hyper-specific details are what make your parents idiosyncratic and believable to a reader.

Need help showing your parents on the page? Try this writing exercise:

Write a scene about a time you fought with or were scolded by a parent. The key here is using details to humanize the parent and show the reader the dynamic between the two of you. Play with the tension between what the character of “you ” wants in the scene, versus what the character of your parent wants. Try to include the following elements:

• Your parent’s physical characteristics
• Your parent’s body language (twirling hair, stiffening of the shoulders, etc.)
• Your parent’s speech (word choice, tone, cadence)
• Your parent’s actions and reactions
• Speculation about what your parent might have wanted and/or felt in the scene (which may be in conflict with what you felt/wanted)

Use “telling details” that capture your parents’ essence.

Sometimes just one detail about a parent can speak volumes about who they are. These “telling details” could be as simple as a nervous tic, a favorite catchphrase, or the way they take their coffee. In my memoir, I describe how my father told waiters we had a show to catch (even when we didn’t) just to speed up the service. My mother insisted on standing on the outside of the group in family photos, doing her best to slip out of the photo entirely. Carefully chosen details evoke a huge amount about a parent’s life and identity.

Don’t neglect “telling” physical descriptors. Sometimes we’re so familiar with family members we don’t include the level of detail necessary for readers to see, hear, and feel them on the page. Details like how your parents dressed, the way they walked, what cherished objects they kept in their purse or wallet, can go a long way.

Which “telling details” about your parents will capture their essence on the page? Brainstorm ideas by filling in the blanks.

• On a hot day, my mother/father always wore _______ and drank _______.
• The object my mother/father most treasured was ______ because _______.
• When we had company over, my mother/father would ________.
• When my mother/father was annoyed, her/his voice would ________ and her/his face looked like ________.
• Around the holidays, my mother/father would _________, but she/he would never ________.

Final thoughts

Parents have the potential to be your most vivid characters. Their nuances and contradictions provide incredibly fertile ground for writers. Still, writing compassionately about parents is no easy task. Applying character-focused craft techniques—leaning into complexity, developing scenes, and using evocative details—is crucial to making parent characters believable and engaging for the reader. Only then can we hope to bring our parents, and their humanity, to life on the page.

Katie Bannon  is a writer, editor, and educator whose work has appeared in  The Rumpus, ELLE Magazine, Narratively , and more. Her memoir manuscript, which charts her journey as a compulsive hair puller, was a finalist for the Permafrost Nonfiction Book Prize. A graduate of GrubStreet’s Memoir Incubator, she holds an MFA in creative nonfiction from Emerson College. She is a developmental editor who loves working with memoirists and essayists on how to write and revise their most vulnerable, taboo stories. She teaches at GrubStreet and lives in Central Massachusetts with her partner and two cats.

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Great piece. Really helpful!

I’m so glad it was useful, Ellen!

This teaching article has helped me very much. I have struggled for over a year at writing a memoir of my relationship with my father and how I have come to forgive him since his death 8 years ago. Thank you for publishing this. I am certain I will reread it several times as I work towards finishing the book.

I’m so glad to hear it helped, Elizabeth! Your story sounds really powerful — best of luck as you work toward completing the manuscript!

Thank you for this insightful post. It was exactly what I needed at this juncture in my writing. I am writing about my sister and I had completely forgotten to do a physical description. Can you believe it?

I’m so glad this was useful, Naomi! And I can absolutely believe it — it took me multiple drafts of writing about family members before I realized I’d included almost no physical description of them…it’s easy to forget to do that on the page when we can picture them so well in our own minds!

Essay on My Parents

Students are often asked to write an essay on My Parents in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on My Parents

Introduction.

My parents are my greatest strength. They are my guiding stars who always show me the right path.

My father is a hardworking man. He is always dedicated to his work and helps us in our studies and other activities.

My mother is a homemaker and an amazing cook. Her love and care are the pillars of our family.

In conclusion, my parents are my heroes. They always inspire me to become a better person.

Also check:

• Paragraph on My Parents

250 Words Essay on My Parents

My parents, the lighthouses in the tempestuous sea of life, have been my constant source of inspiration and guidance. Their influence has been pivotal in shaping me into the person I am today.

My Father: The Pillar of Strength

My father, a paragon of discipline and determination, has always been my role model. His relentless pursuit of his goals, despite the hurdles, has taught me the importance of perseverance. His wisdom, gleaned from a life of experiences, has often been my compass in making crucial decisions.

My Mother: The Beacon of Love

My mother, on the other hand, is the epitome of love and compassion. Her gentle yet firm nature has taught me the delicate balance between kindness and assertiveness. Her ability to find joy in the smallest things is a lesson in gratitude and contentment.

Lessons Learned

Both my parents have instilled in me the values of honesty, integrity, and respect for all. They have taught me to be resilient in the face of adversity, to strive for excellence, and to never compromise on my principles.

In conclusion, my parents have been my guiding stars, their teachings my roadmap, and their love my constant support. They have not only given me life but also equipped me with the tools to navigate it successfully. I am, and will always be, a reflection of their teachings and values.

500 Words Essay on My Parents

The pillars of my life: my parents.

In the grand scheme of life, parents are often the unsung heroes behind our success and the silent comforters in our failure. They are the architects of our character and the constant guiding force in our lives. This essay is a tribute to my parents, who have played an instrumental role in shaping my life.

The Foundation of Love and Sacrifice

My parents have always epitomized love and sacrifice. From the moment I was born, they prioritized my needs above their own, often going without so that I could have. Their sacrifices were not limited to material possessions but extended to their time, energy, and personal aspirations. They worked tirelessly, often juggling multiple jobs, to ensure that I had a comfortable life and a promising future.

Nurturing Growth and Independence

While they provided me with a safe and loving environment, they also encouraged me to be independent and self-reliant. They taught me the importance of hard work and perseverance, and they instilled in me a strong sense of responsibility and accountability. They were not ones to shield me from the harsh realities of life; instead, they equipped me with the skills and the mindset to face them head-on.

Teaching by Example

My parents were not just providers and protectors, but they were also my first teachers. They taught me not through words, but through their actions. Their unwavering commitment to their principles, their resilience in the face of adversity, and their unyielding faith in the goodness of people, have been lessons more profound than any taught in a classroom.

My Parents, My Role Models

As I grew older, I started to appreciate the depth of their wisdom and the breadth of their knowledge. They became my role models, not just as parents but as individuals. Their humility, despite their accomplishments; their generosity, despite their hardships; and their optimism, despite their struggles, have inspired me to strive to be a better person.

Gratitude and Appreciation

As I stand on the cusp of adulthood, I realize the magnitude of their contribution to my life. I am grateful for their unwavering support, their unconditional love, and their relentless faith in me. They have been my pillars of strength, my beacon of hope, and my source of inspiration.

In conclusion, I owe a significant part of who I am today to my parents. Their love, sacrifice, guidance, and teachings have shaped my character, influenced my decisions, and charted the course of my life. As I embark on my journey into the future, I carry with me the values they have instilled in me, the lessons they have taught me, and the love they have showered upon me. My parents are not just my creators; they are the architects of my life.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

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Should Parents Help Students Write College Essays?

What’s covered:, how involved should parents be with college applications, 4 ways parents can help with college essays, 4 elements of a good college essay, where your student can get their essay edited.

High schoolers applying to college go through a lot—from filling out multiple applications, keeping up impressive grades and extracurriculars, and writing dozens of college essays. Parents might be tempted to help out their kids and ease some of their burden during this busy time. But, should parents help write their kids’ college essays?

When it comes to helping out with the college process, parents should act as more of a coach or cheerleader than a director. Rather than hovering over your student and telling them when to fill out certain applications, what to write in their essays, and what safety schools to apply to, take a step back and support them without smothering them.

As a coach, parents can guide their student to keep them on schedule, have productive conversations about different college options and financial aid, and offer feedback and edits on essays. It’s important that parents don’t step in and play the game for themselves, so to speak, but rather assist their kid in reaching their full potential.

Another role parents can play is the cheerleader: encourage them through this challenging time and keep them engaged even when they get burnt out. The application process isn’t easy for students or parents, but having someone in your corner to cheer you on will help motivate students to keep going.

Since parents should not be at the helm, they should not do anything active like writing essays. More importantly, a parent directly writing any part of an essay would be plagiarism, and admissions officers can pick up on it via software and their intuition. Essays must be written with the student’s authentic voice and ideas. Here are some things parents can do:

1. Proofread Drafts

Every essay a student writes will likely have to go through multiple drafts—each time tweaking grammar, cutting down words, adding details, moving around sentences, etc. Parents can help expedite this process by reading over the essay drafts and providing constructive feedback. Important details to check for include:

• Are there spelling errors or typos?
• Could the grammar be elevated with literary devices or different diction?
• Does this sound like my student speaking or a thesaurus? 
• Does the essay flow in a manner that is easy to follow?

2. Brainstorm Essay Topics

Figuring out how to answer each prompt can be difficult and exhausting when students have so many essays to write. This is a good place for parents to jump in and “coach” their students; sit down for a few hours and start brainstorming topics and themes that could work for various prompts. 

A good way to organize brainstorming sessions is to break down essay prompts into categories ( “Why This Major?”, “Extracurricular”, “Community Impact”, “Overcoming Challenges” , etc.) and come up with five to ten stories or answers for each category.

3. Help Students Recall Childhood Memories and Stories

Along the lines of brainstorming, parents can play a huge role in reminding their students of anecdotes from their childhood that could make for a good essay. While you shouldn’t recount stories from your point of view that would color their perspective, parents can show pictures and videos, talk through some of their fondest memories of their kids, and fill in any gaps in stories kids partially remember.

4. Help Students Reflect on Who They Are

One of the important aspects of college essays is the ability to engage in self reflection and think about your character development and growth. This can be a lot for a teenager to do on their own, so it’s a good place for parents to provide some extra support.

Walk your child through some brainstorming exercises. Ask questions like “What three words would best describe you”, “What’s a good example of how you approach a challenge/new idea/etc”, “What are your personal and career goals”,  and “How have you grown as a person since you were younger” .

Another way parents can help their kids is by ensuring they cover the bases that make a good essay. Make sure to check out our ultimate guide to college essays to learn how to write a good essay, but below are a handful of the things to check for:

1. Answers the 4 Core Questions

When it comes to a strong college essay, there are four questions that should be answered. These are:

• “Who Am I?”
• “Why Am I Here?”
• “What is Unique About Me?”
• “What Matters to Me?”

These might seem like daunting philosophical questions, but with an intentional, well-crafted essay, you’ll find that the answers to these questions come naturally. Perhaps a more helpful way to look at these questions would be the following:

• What are your personality traits?
• What was your journey through high school? What were you interested in and found meaningful? How have you evolved as you have grown?
• Between your interests, skills, way of thinking, and personality, why are you different from other applicants?
• What is something you care deeply about above all else?

2. Author’s Voice is Authentic and Approachable

Essays are the one opportunity for admissions committees to hear directly from the applicant. For that reason, the essay should sound like a high school student wrote it. Without being overly casual, make sure the tone of the essay reads like a conversation with a friend.

Don’t rely too heavily on a thesaurus and don’t worry about stuffing the essay full of metaphors and figurative language—this isn’t an essay for an English class!

3. Shows Instead of Tells

While the advice to “ show not tell ” in your writing might not be new, it could not be more important. What truly sets apart a good essay from a great essay is the ability to paint a picture for the reader with imagery. 

A sentence like this, “I love the thrill of competing in the Math Olympiad,” simply tells the reader what the student enjoys. However, look at the difference when a sentence shows us what a student loves: “ Badum. Badum. Badum. The heavy thumping of my heart echoed painfully in my ears as a droplet of sweat made a lazy trail down my back. Adrenaline coursing through my veins, I whispered “ 7? ” as the time ran out.”

3. Avoids Cliches

Imagine reading through thousands upon thousands of essays every year as an admissions officer. After your 50th essay about scoring the winning goal at the soccer game, being changed by a volunteer trip to another country, or some other overused topic, you’ll no longer connect with these stories.

No matter how beautifully an essay is written, a cliche topic just makes admissions officers want to groan and get to the next one. Make sure your essay doesn’t fall into a traditional cliche topic to make it engaging and enjoyable to read.

4. Includes an Anecdote or Personal Story

Anecdotes bring excitement and personal depth to essays. They provide an easy way for a student to show what was happening in the moment that had such a profound impact on them. Including an anecdote also facilitates personal reflection because there is a solid foundation established. Once the reader can connect with a story, they are able to better empathize with the student and appreciate their character.

Editing college essays is a great way for parents to get involved, but it can be time consuming to read through multiple essays. Luckily, CollegeVine offers two avenues for students to get their essays reviewed. 

Our free Peer Essay Review tool allows students to get a free review of their essay from another student. Students can also improve their own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If students want a college admissions expert to review their essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for your student to improve their chances of getting into their dream school!

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

5 College Essay Tips for Parents

So, if you’re a parent or guardian, take heart, you have an important place in this process (even as you see your kids growing up). And high schoolers, don’t worry, we respect your space. Make sure to forward this list to mom and/or dad so that they know what to do.

1. Start early.

When you enter the insanity that is college admissions, everyone needs to be on the same page about timeline. There is A LOT of writing involved, so the earlier you get started, the better. The Common App prompts are already out so now is a great time to look them over and do some preliminary brainstorming. Parents, this could mean that you do a little nagging in the next few months, or it could mean that you help your kids get organized and protect their time by making sure their schedules are not overloaded. (Pro tip: there are only 24 hours in a day.)

2. Understand that this is a process.

As we tell our students all the time, great writing doesn’t happen overnight. It won’t happen in one sitting and it definitely won’t happen without effort. It’s important to remember this when looking over early drafts. Don’t be too hard on your college hopefuls, and don’t let them be too hard on themselves. Frustration and procrastination are often symptoms of perfectionism, and you can play a key role in helping manage stress and expectations.

3. Make yourself a resource.

Your memory is a goldmine. You remember SO MUCH that your kids may not be able to recall. Encourage them to ask you questions, to look through old photo albums with you, or to mine your memory in other ways. The kinds of details that you can recall may spark new ideas and will definitely contribute colorful details to the narrative.

4. Remember whose essay this is.

As much as you may know or remember, at the end of the day, this essay is not supposed to represent your memories or feelings or worldview. While your thoughts may be helpful during the early phases of the writing process, it’s important for you to step back as the essay develops. You know, like that time you finally let go of the bicycle seat.

5. Know when it’s time to ask for outside help.

Under the intense pressure of the college admissions process, tempers can flare and otherwise copacetic relationships can become strained. As much as parental involvement can help during the writing process, that doesn’t mean it definitely will help. Sometimes it can feel like extra pressure and scrutiny. Distance can be your friend, and there’s no shame in calling for a mediator during this trying time. That’s what we’re for. Our lines are always open.

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Written by Thea Hogarth

Category: Essay Tips

Tags: Admissions , advice , college application , college essay , common application , guidance , help , junior year , parents , tips

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College Essays

If you grow up to be a professional writer, everything you write will first go through an editor before being published. This is because the process of writing is really a process of re-writing —of rethinking and reexamining your work, usually with the help of someone else. So what does this mean for your student writing? And in particular, what does it mean for very important, but nonprofessional writing like your college essay? Should you ask your parents to look at your essay? Pay for an essay service?

If you are wondering what kind of help you can, and should, get with your personal statement, you've come to the right place! In this article, I'll talk about what kind of writing help is useful, ethical, and even expected for your college admission essay . I'll also point out who would make a good editor, what the differences between editing and proofreading are, what to expect from a good editor, and how to spot and stay away from a bad one.

Table of Contents

What Kind of Help for Your Essay Can You Get?

What's Good Editing?

What should an editor do for you, what kind of editing should you avoid, proofreading, what's good proofreading, what kind of proofreading should you avoid.

What Do Colleges Think Of You Getting Help With Your Essay?

Who Can/Should Help You?

Advice for editors.

Should You Pay Money For Essay Editing?

The Bottom Line

What's next, what kind of help with your essay can you get.

Rather than talking in general terms about "help," let's first clarify the two different ways that someone else can improve your writing . There is editing, which is the more intensive kind of assistance that you can use throughout the whole process. And then there's proofreading, which is the last step of really polishing your final product.

Let me go into some more detail about editing and proofreading, and then explain how good editors and proofreaders can help you."

Editing is helping the author (in this case, you) go from a rough draft to a finished work . Editing is the process of asking questions about what you're saying, how you're saying it, and how you're organizing your ideas. But not all editing is good editing . In fact, it's very easy for an editor to cross the line from supportive to overbearing and over-involved.

Ability to clarify assignments. A good editor is usually a good writer, and certainly has to be a good reader. For example, in this case, a good editor should make sure you understand the actual essay prompt you're supposed to be answering.

Open-endedness. Good editing is all about asking questions about your ideas and work, but without providing answers. It's about letting you stick to your story and message, and doesn't alter your point of view.

Think of an editor as a great travel guide. It can show you the many different places your trip could take you. It should explain any parts of the trip that could derail your trip or confuse the traveler. But it never dictates your path, never forces you to go somewhere you don't want to go, and never ignores your interests so that the trip no longer seems like it's your own. So what should good editors do?

Help Brainstorm Topics

Sometimes it's easier to bounce thoughts off of someone else. This doesn't mean that your editor gets to come up with ideas, but they can certainly respond to the various topic options you've come up with. This way, you're less likely to write about the most boring of your ideas, or to write about something that isn't actually important to you.

If you're wondering how to come up with options for your editor to consider, check out our guide to brainstorming topics for your college essay .

Help Revise Your Drafts

Here, your editor can't upset the delicate balance of not intervening too much or too little. It's tricky, but a great way to think about it is to remember: editing is about asking questions, not giving answers .

Revision questions should point out:

• Places where more detail or more description would help the reader connect with your essay
• Places where structure and logic don't flow, losing the reader's attention
• Places where there aren't transitions between paragraphs, confusing the reader
• Moments where your narrative or the arguments you're making are unclear

But pointing to potential problems is not the same as actually rewriting—editors let authors fix the problems themselves.

Bad editing is usually very heavy-handed editing. Instead of helping you find your best voice and ideas, a bad editor changes your writing into their own vision.

You may be dealing with a bad editor if they:

• Add material (examples, descriptions) that doesn't come from you
• Use a thesaurus to make your college essay sound "more mature"
• Add meaning or insight to the essay that doesn't come from you
• Tell you what to say and how to say it
• Write sentences, phrases, and paragraphs for you
• Change your voice in the essay so it no longer sounds like it was written by a teenager

Colleges can tell the difference between a 17-year-old's writing and a 50-year-old's writing. Not only that, they have access to your SAT or ACT Writing section, so they can compare your essay to something else you wrote. Writing that's a little more polished is great and expected. But a totally different voice and style will raise questions.

Where's the Line Between Helpful Editing and Unethical Over-Editing?

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether your college essay editor is doing the right thing. Here are some guidelines for staying on the ethical side of the line.

• An editor should say that the opening paragraph is kind of boring, and explain what exactly is making it drag. But it's overstepping for an editor to tell you exactly how to change it.
• An editor should point out where your prose is unclear or vague. But it's completely inappropriate for the editor to rewrite that section of your essay.
• An editor should let you know that a section is light on detail or description. But giving you similes and metaphors to beef up that description is a no-go.

Proofreading (also called copy-editing) is checking for errors in the last draft of a written work. It happens at the end of the process and is meant as the final polishing touch. Proofreading is meticulous and detail-oriented, focusing on small corrections. It sands off all the surface rough spots that could alienate the reader.

Because proofreading is usually concerned with making fixes on the word or sentence level, this is the only process where someone else can actually add to or take away things from your essay . This is because what they are adding or taking away tends to be one or two misplaced letters.

Laser focus. Proofreading is all about the tiny details, so the ability to really concentrate on finding small slip-ups is a must.

Excellent grammar and spelling skills. Proofreaders need to dot every "i" and cross every "t." Good proofreaders should correct spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar. They should put foreign words in italics and surround quotations with quotation marks. They should check that you used the correct college's name, and that you adhered to any formatting requirements (name and date at the top of the page, uniform font and size, uniform spacing).

Limited interference. A proofreader needs to make sure that you followed any word limits. But if cuts need to be made to shorten the essay, that's your job and not the proofreader's.

A bad proofreader either tries to turn into an editor, or just lacks the skills and knowledge necessary to do the job.

Some signs that you're working with a bad proofreader are:

• If they suggest making major changes to the final draft of your essay. Proofreading happens when editing is already finished.
• If they aren't particularly good at spelling, or don't know grammar, or aren't detail-oriented enough to find someone else's small mistakes.
• If they start swapping out your words for fancier-sounding synonyms, or changing the voice and sound of your essay in other ways. A proofreader is there to check for errors, not to take the 17-year-old out of your writing.

What Do Colleges Think of Your Getting Help With Your Essay?

Admissions officers agree: light editing and proofreading are good—even required ! But they also want to make sure you're the one doing the work on your essay. They want essays with stories, voice, and themes that come from you. They want to see work that reflects your actual writing ability, and that focuses on what you find important.

On the Importance of Editing

Get feedback. Have a fresh pair of eyes give you some feedback. Don't allow someone else to rewrite your essay, but do take advantage of others' edits and opinions when they seem helpful. ( Bates College )

Read your essay aloud to someone. Reading the essay out loud offers a chance to hear how your essay sounds outside your head. This exercise reveals flaws in the essay's flow, highlights grammatical errors and helps you ensure that you are communicating the exact message you intended. ( Dickinson College )

On the Value of Proofreading

Share your essays with at least one or two people who know you well—such as a parent, teacher, counselor, or friend—and ask for feedback. Remember that you ultimately have control over your essays, and your essays should retain your own voice, but others may be able to catch mistakes that you missed and help suggest areas to cut if you are over the word limit. ( Yale University )

Proofread and then ask someone else to proofread for you. Although we want substance, we also want to be able to see that you can write a paper for our professors and avoid careless mistakes that would drive them crazy. ( Oberlin College )

On Watching Out for Too Much Outside Influence

Limit the number of people who review your essay. Too much input usually means your voice is lost in the writing style. ( Carleton College )

Ask for input (but not too much). Your parents, friends, guidance counselors, coaches, and teachers are great people to bounce ideas off of for your essay. They know how unique and spectacular you are, and they can help you decide how to articulate it. Keep in mind, however, that a 45-year-old lawyer writes quite differently from an 18-year-old student, so if your dad ends up writing the bulk of your essay, we're probably going to notice. ( Vanderbilt University )

Now let's talk about some potential people to approach for your college essay editing and proofreading needs. It's best to start close to home and slowly expand outward. Not only are your family and friends more invested in your success than strangers, but they also have a better handle on your interests and personality. This knowledge is key for judging whether your essay is expressing your true self.

Parents or Close Relatives

Your family may be full of potentially excellent editors! Parents are deeply committed to your well-being, and family members know you and your life well enough to offer details or incidents that can be included in your essay. On the other hand, the rewriting process necessarily involves criticism, which is sometimes hard to hear from someone very close to you.

A parent or close family member is a great choice for an editor if you can answer "yes" to the following questions. Is your parent or close relative a good writer or reader? Do you have a relationship where editing your essay won't create conflict? Are you able to constructively listen to criticism and suggestion from the parent?

One suggestion for defusing face-to-face discussions is to try working on the essay over email. Send your parent a draft, have them write you back some comments, and then you can pick which of their suggestions you want to use and which to discard.

Teachers or Tutors

A humanities teacher that you have a good relationship with is a great choice. I am purposefully saying humanities, and not just English, because teachers of Philosophy, History, Anthropology, and any other classes where you do a lot of writing, are all used to reviewing student work.

Moreover, any teacher or tutor that has been working with you for some time, knows you very well and can vet the essay to make sure it "sounds like you."

If your teacher or tutor has some experience with what college essays are supposed to be like, ask them to be your editor. If not, then ask whether they have time to proofread your final draft.

Guidance or College Counselor at Your School

The best thing about asking your counselor to edit your work is that this is their job. This means that they have a very good sense of what colleges are looking for in an application essay.

At the same time, school counselors tend to have relationships with admissions officers in many colleges, which again gives them insight into what works and which college is focused on what aspect of the application.

Unfortunately, in many schools the guidance counselor tends to be way overextended. If your ratio is 300 students to 1 college counselor, you're unlikely to get that person's undivided attention and focus. It is still useful to ask them for general advice about your potential topics, but don't expect them to be able to stay with your essay from first draft to final version.

Friends, Siblings, or Classmates

Although they most likely don't have much experience with what colleges are hoping to see, your peers are excellent sources for checking that your essay is you .

Friends and siblings are perfect for the read-aloud edit. Read your essay to them so they can listen for words and phrases that are stilted, pompous, or phrases that just don't sound like you.

You can even trade essays and give helpful advice on each other's work.

If your editor hasn't worked with college admissions essays very much, no worries! Any astute and attentive reader can still greatly help with your process. But, as in all things, beginners do better with some preparation.

First, your editor should read our advice about how to write a college essay introduction , how to spot and fix a bad college essay , and get a sense of what other students have written by going through some admissions essays that worked .

Then, as they read your essay, they can work through the following series of questions that will help them to guide you.

Introduction Questions

• Is the first sentence a killer opening line? Why or why not?
• Does the introduction hook the reader? Does it have a colorful, detailed, and interesting narrative? Or does it propose a compelling or surprising idea?
• Can you feel the author's voice in the introduction, or is the tone dry, dull, or overly formal? Show the places where the voice comes through.

Essay Body Questions

• Does the essay have a through-line? Is it built around a central argument, thought, idea, or focus? Can you put this idea into your own words?
• How is the essay organized? By logical progression? Chronologically? Do you feel order when you read it, or are there moments where you are confused or lose the thread of the essay?
• Does the essay have both narratives about the author's life and explanations and insight into what these stories reveal about the author's character, personality, goals, or dreams? If not, which is missing?
• Does the essay flow? Are there smooth transitions/clever links between paragraphs? Between the narrative and moments of insight?

Reader Response Questions

• Does the writer's personality come through? Do we know what the speaker cares about? Do we get a sense of "who he or she is"?
• Where did you feel most connected to the essay? Which parts of the essay gave you a "you are there" sensation by invoking your senses? What moments could you picture in your head well?
• Where are the details and examples vague and not specific enough?
• Did you get an "a-ha!" feeling anywhere in the essay? Is there a moment of insight that connected all the dots for you? Is there a good reveal or "twist" anywhere in the essay?
• What are the strengths of this essay? What needs the most improvement?

Should You Pay Money for Essay Editing?

One alternative to asking someone you know to help you with your college essay is the paid editor route. There are two different ways to pay for essay help: a private essay coach or a less personal editing service , like the many proliferating on the internet.

My advice is to think of these options as a last resort rather than your go-to first choice. I'll first go through the reasons why. Then, if you do decide to go with a paid editor, I'll help you decide between a coach and a service.

When to Consider a Paid Editor

In general, I think hiring someone to work on your essay makes a lot of sense if none of the people I discussed above are a possibility for you.

If you can't ask your parents. For example, if your parents aren't good writers, or if English isn't their first language. Or if you think getting your parents to help is going create unnecessary extra conflict in your relationship with them (applying to college is stressful as it is!)

If you can't ask your teacher or tutor. Maybe you don't have a trusted teacher or tutor that has time to look over your essay with focus. Or, for instance, your favorite humanities teacher has very limited experience with college essays and so won't know what admissions officers want to see.

If you can't ask your guidance counselor. This could be because your guidance counselor is way overwhelmed with other students.

If you can't share your essay with those who know you. It might be that your essay is on a very personal topic that you're unwilling to share with parents, teachers, or peers. Just make sure it doesn't fall into one of the bad-idea topics in our article on bad college essays .

If the cost isn't a consideration. Many of these services are quite expensive, and private coaches even more so. If you have finite resources, I'd say that hiring an SAT or ACT tutor (whether it's PrepScholar or someone else) is better way to spend your money . This is because there's no guarantee that a slightly better essay will sufficiently elevate the rest of your application, but a significantly higher SAT score will definitely raise your applicant profile much more.

Should You Hire an Essay Coach?

On the plus side, essay coaches have read dozens or even hundreds of college essays, so they have experience with the format. Also, because you'll be working closely with a specific person, it's more personal than sending your essay to a service, which will know even less about you.

But, on the minus side, you'll still be bouncing ideas off of someone who doesn't know that much about you . In general, if you can adequately get the help from someone you know, there is no advantage to paying someone to help you.

If you do decide to hire a coach, ask your school counselor, or older students that have used the service for recommendations. If you can't afford the coach's fees, ask whether they can work on a sliding scale —many do. And finally, beware those who guarantee admission to your school of choice—essay coaches don't have any special magic that can back up those promises.

Should You Send Your Essay to a Service?

On the plus side, essay editing services provide a similar product to essay coaches, and they cost significantly less . If you have some assurance that you'll be working with a good editor, the lack of face-to-face interaction won't prevent great results.

On the minus side, however, it can be difficult to gauge the quality of the service before working with them . If they are churning through many application essays without getting to know the students they are helping, you could end up with an over-edited essay that sounds just like everyone else's. In the worst case scenario, an unscrupulous service could send you back a plagiarized essay.

Getting recommendations from friends or a school counselor for reputable services is key to avoiding heavy-handed editing that writes essays for you or does too much to change your essay. Including a badly-edited essay like this in your application could cause problems if there are inconsistencies. For example, in interviews it might be clear you didn't write the essay, or the skill of the essay might not be reflected in your schoolwork and test scores.

Should You Buy an Essay Written by Someone Else?

Let me elaborate. There are super sketchy places on the internet where you can simply buy a pre-written essay. Don't do this!

For one thing, you'll be lying on an official, signed document. All college applications make you sign a statement saying something like this:

I certify that all information submitted in the admission process—including the application, the personal essay, any supplements, and any other supporting materials—is my own work, factually true, and honestly presented... I understand that I may be subject to a range of possible disciplinary actions, including admission revocation, expulsion, or revocation of course credit, grades, and degree, should the information I have certified be false. (From the Common Application )

For another thing, if your academic record doesn't match the essay's quality, the admissions officer will start thinking your whole application is riddled with lies.

Admission officers have full access to your writing portion of the SAT or ACT so that they can compare work that was done in proctored conditions with that done at home. They can tell if these were written by different people. Not only that, but there are now a number of search engines that faculty and admission officers can use to see if an essay contains strings of words that have appeared in other essays—you have no guarantee that the essay you bought wasn't also bought by 50 other students.

• You should get college essay help with both editing and proofreading
• A good editor will ask questions about your idea, logic, and structure, and will point out places where clarity is needed
• A good editor will absolutely not answer these questions, give you their own ideas, or write the essay or parts of the essay for you
• A good proofreader will find typos and check your formatting
• All of them agree that getting light editing and proofreading is necessary
• Parents, teachers, guidance or college counselor, and peers or siblings
• If you can't ask any of those, you can pay for college essay help, but watch out for services or coaches who over-edit you work
• Don't buy a pre-written essay! Colleges can tell, and it'll make your whole application sound false.

Ready to start working on your essay? Check out our explanation of the point of the personal essay and the role it plays on your applications and then explore our step-by-step guide to writing a great college essay .

Using the Common Application for your college applications? We have an excellent guide to the Common App essay prompts and useful advice on how to pick the Common App prompt that's right for you . Wondering how other people tackled these prompts? Then work through our roundup of over 130 real college essay examples published by colleges .

Stressed about whether to take the SAT again before submitting your application? Let us help you decide how many times to take this test . If you choose to go for it, we have the ultimate guide to studying for the SAT to give you the ins and outs of the best ways to study.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Parents, Young Adult Children and the Transition to Adulthood

5. parents’ relationship with their young adult children, table of contents.

• Relationships and emotional support
• Turning to parents for guidance
• Becoming an independent adult
• Reaching the milestones of adulthood, then and now
• About a third of young adults live with their parents
• College enrollment and completion
• Employment and wages
• Student loan and mortgage debt
• Marriage, kids and living arrangements
• Preparing children to be independent adults
• Financial independence and giving financial help to young adult children
• Getting financial help from young adult children
• Young adults’ financial contributions when they live with their parents
• How parents see their role reflected in their children’s successes, failures
• How parents feel about how things are going in their children’s lives
• How young adults feel about marriage and parenthood
• How young adults rate their relationship with their parents
• Emotional support, according to young adults
• Seeking advice from parents
• Young adults’ disagreements with their parents
• How often young adults are in touch with their parents
• What young adults think about their parents’ level of communication and involvement in their lives
• How parents rate their relationship with their young adult children
• Emotional support, according to parents
• Giving advice to young adult children
• Parents’ disagreements with their young adult children
• How often parents are in touch with their young adult children
• What parents think about their level of communication and involvement in their adult children’s lives
• Acknowledgments
• Methodology

This chapter focuses on the relationship between parents and their young adult children, from the parents’ perspective. For many of the questions, parents were asked to think of a specific child ages 18 to 34. This way they could give more concrete answers rather than trying to generalize about all of their children (if they have more than one child in that age group).

Among the key findings:

• Most parents give their relationship with their adult children high ratings, with 77% saying it’s excellent or very good. A majority also say they think their adult children know them extremely or very well, beyond their role as a parent.
• 41% of parents say their children rely on them a great deal or a fair amount for emotional support. Only 18% of parents say they rely as heavily on their children for emotional support. These patterns differ significantly by the gender of the parent and child.
• Most parents say their young adult children come to them for advice at least sometimes on a range of topics – from their career to their dating life. Relatively small shares report frequent disagreements with their children across a variety of topics.
• Parents are in close contact with their young adult children: 73% say they text with them and 54% say they talk on the phone or video chat at least a few times a week. Parents are largely satisfied with how often they communicate with their kids and with their overall level of involvement in their lives.

Overall, parents rate their relationship with their young adult child positively: 41% describe it as excellent and another 36% say it’s very good; 15% say it’s good and only 8% say it’s fair or poor.

Mothers are somewhat more likely than fathers to say their relationship with their adult child is excellent (44% vs. 36%). And upper-income parents are more likely to say this than parents with middle or lower incomes.

The ratings also vary to some degree by the child’s circumstances. Nearly half (46%) of parents who say their child is completely financially independent say their relationship with that child is excellent. Among parents who say their child is not this financially independent, the shares are lower.

Do parents think their adult children truly know them?

We also asked parents how well they think their child truly knows them beyond their role as a parent .

Most parents say their child knows them extremely (23%) or very well (39%). Some 30% say their child knows them somewhat well, and 9% say their child doesn’t know them too well or at all.

Again, there are differences between mothers and fathers. While majorities of both groups say their child knows them at least very well, moms are more likely than dads to say their child knows them extremely well (27% vs. 18%).

Moms answering about a daughter are more likely to say their child knows them extremely well compared with moms answering about a son (31% vs. 23%). Dads’ responses don’t differ depending on the gender of the child.

Relatively few parents say they rely heavily on their adult children for emotional support. About one-in-five (18%) say they rely on any of their adult children for this type of support a great deal or a fair amount. About three-in-ten parents (29%) say they rely on their children some for emotional support, while about half (52%) say they don’t rely on them much or at all.

Fathers are significantly more likely than mothers to say they don’t rely on their adult children for emotional support: 62% of dads say they don’t rely on them much or not at all, compared with 45% of moms.

There are differences by income as well: 60% of upper-income parents say they don’t rely on their adult children for this type of support, compared with 54% of parents with middle incomes and 44% of those with lower incomes.

What parents say about how much their adult children rely on them for emotional support

When asked about a specific child, about four-in-ten parents say that child relies on them a great deal (15%) or a fair amount (26%) for emotional support. An additional 36% say their child relies on them some, 18% say not much and 5% say not at all.

Moms are more likely than dads to say their child relies on them a great deal or a fair amount for emotional support (47% vs. 34%). Moms answering about a daughter (52%) are more likely than those answering about a son (42%) to say their child relies on them for emotional support. Among dads, the responses don’t differ based on the gender of the child.

Parents who are answering about a child age 18 to 24 are more likely than those answering about a child in their early 30s to say their child relies heavily on them for this type of support (46% vs. 36%).

Not surprisingly, the nature of the relationship between a parent and an adult child is also linked with emotional reliance. Among parents who say their relationship with their child is excellent or very good, 47% also say their child relies on them at least a fair amount for emotional support.

By contrast, parents who give their relationship with their child a lower rating are less likely to report this: 22% among those who rate their relationship as good and 15% for those who say it’s fair or poor.

Beyond emotional support, we also asked parents how often any of their adult children come to them for advice on a variety of things.

Career guidance tops the list: 43% of parents say their adult children come to them for advice on their career or job situation extremely or very often, and another 39% say they do this sometimes.

Some 36% say their children often come to them for advice on their physical health, and a similar share say their kids often seek advice on their financial situation (33%).

About one-in-four (27%) say their young adult children often come to them for advice on parenting (among those who have children who are parents themselves).

A similar share (26%) say their children often come to them for advice on their mental health. Smaller shares say their kids often look to them for guidance on their friendships (21%) or their dating life or relationships (20%).

There are differences here between mothers and fathers, with mothers more likely to say their adult children come to them for advice on each topic. For example, 47% of moms and 38% of dads say their children often come to them for advice on their career or job situation. About a third of moms (34%) say their kids come to them for advice about their mental health, compared with 16% of dads.

Giving advice is much more common for parents with at least one adult child age 18 to 24. Among those whose youngest adult child is under 25, 50% say their children often ask them for job or career advice. This compares with 35% among parents whose youngest adult child is 25 or older.

Similarly, 42% of parents with a child age 18 to 24 say their children often ask them for advice on their physical health. Some 29% of parents whose youngest adult child is 25 or older say the same. The pattern is similar across all the items, with the exception of parenting (where the 4-percentage-point difference is not statistically significant).

Did today’s parents rely on their own parents for advice when they were young?

The survey also asked parents about their own experiences when they were young adults. Although the questions weren’t exactly the same, parents’ responses suggest that they may have been less reliant on their parents for advice than their own children are on them.

Only 16% of parents say that, when they were in their 20s and 30s, they turned to their parents for advice on finances, work or relationships extremely or very often. About three-in-ten (29%) say they sometimes did this. And 51% say they rarely or never asked their parents for advice on these types of things.

Relatively few parents report that they often clash with their adult children about various aspects of their lives, with just 14% or fewer saying this happens extremely or very often.

Half say they disagree with their children about their financial choices at least sometimes. And about four-in-ten (41%) say they disagree with their children about their career or job situation.

Smaller shares say they often or sometimes disagree with their children about their social life (37%), their political views (35%) or their views on religion (30%).

Among parents whose young adult children have kids of their own, 40% say they disagree with them at least sometimes about how they’re raising their children.

Parents whose youngest adult child is 25 or older are more likely than those with a child age 18 to 24 to say they rarely or never disagree about their children’s finances or social and dating lives.

One word of caution in interpreting these results: According to respondent feedback, some parents may have been thinking about outward disagreements only and not taking into account times where they may silently disagree with their adult children’s choices.

We asked parents a series of questions that touched on the nature and frequency of their communications with their adult children.

For these questions, we asked parents with more than one young adult child to think about the child they are in touch with most often. We also limited these questions to parents and children who don’t live together.

We found that many parents are in frequent contact with their young adult children. About three-in-ten (31%) say they are in touch with them through text messages on a daily basis, and an additional 42% say they text with them a few times a week.

Parents see their adult children in person less frequently: 10% say they see them daily and 21% say it’s a few times a week.

There are large differences between mothers and fathers in how often they’re in contact with their adult children. Moms are much more likely than dads to say they text with or talk on the phone with their child on the phone at least a few times a week.

Four-in-ten moms say they text with their adult child every day, compared with 19% of dads.

Tracking young adult children’s location

When asked whether they ever track their adult child’s location through GPS apps or software, most parents (74%) say they do not.

Still, one-in-four say they do – even if only rarely: 6% say they do this frequently, 12% say they sometimes do this, and 7% say they rarely do. 

There are gender differences among parents and adult children. Mothers are more likely than fathers to say they ever do this kind of tracking (29% vs. 21%). And parents are more likely to say they track their daughters than their sons (31% vs. 21%).

There are also differences by the age of the adult child. Most of the tracking is being done of 18- to 24-year-olds. Among parents answering about a child age 18 to 24, 42% say they track their location. A smaller share (21%) of parents answering about a child age 25 to 29 say they do this. And the share is smaller still for parents answering about a child in their early 30s (9%).

For the most part, parents are content with how often they’re in touch with their adult children. When asked about a specific adult child, 59% say they communicate with that child about as often as they’d like. Even so, a not insignificant share – 36% – say they communicate with their child less often than they’d like. Only 3% say they communicate with them more than they’d like.

Mothers express higher levels of satisfaction than fathers do: 65% of moms, compared with 52% of dads, say they communicate with their adult child about as often as they’d like. For their part, dads are more likely than moms to say they communicate less than they’d like (44% vs. 30%).

Thinking more broadly about their overall involvement in their adult children’s day-to-day lives, most parents (67%) say they’re about as involved as they like to be. About one-in-four (26%) say they’re less involved than they’d like to be, and 7% say they’re more involved than they’d like.

The gender patterns are similar here, with mothers more likely than fathers to say they’re as involved as they’d like to be (70% vs. 63%) and fathers more likely than mothers to say they’re less involved than they’d like to be (33% vs. 22%).

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4 Ways Parents Can Help With College Essays

How to support your teen without cramping their style.

Everyone is stressed about college essays: parents and teenagers alike. It can seem like an impossible task — high schoolers have to be poignant but not saccharine, clever but not flippant, polished but not too tidy. And they have to try to stand out from thousands of other high schoolers all trying to do the same thing.

Add to that the fact that college essays require a different form of writing than what’s commonly covered in high school, and it becomes an understandably daunting feat for any teenager. But how can you offer support without crossing an ethical boundary, hampering your child’s authentic voice, or intruding on your child’s space?

It’s a fine line to walk, but there are ways that you can assist your teenager through this thorny writing process while also honoring personal and ethical boundaries. Keep reading for tips!

1. Offer structure with regard to time management and planning

When it comes to writing expressively about their core qualities, high schoolers need lots of time (often weeks, not days) to brainstorm and reflect on who they are and what they value. Then, they need lots more time after that to word-vomit, clarify, revise, re-structure, and polish. Most students take at least a couple of months to produce a clean and finalized version of a personal statement, and that isn’t even counting the time they’ll need to write supplemental essays.

Without pushing too hard or cranking up your child’s stress level, you can take this as an opportunity to help your child define a reasonable timeline and set some incremental deadlines for their essay work. Here are a few questions you might discuss with your teenager, to help them cultivate an awareness of time:

• How long does it typically take you to write essays for school?
• When would you ideally love to have a final draft of your personal statement? (Hint: supplemental essay prompts get rolled out in August, so your teenager should ideally be switching their focus to supplemental essays by then)
• What are your weekly and monthly goals ?
• Do you have a special time and place set aside to work on your personal statement each week?

2. Chat with your teenager about their most vivid memories from childhood and adolescence

This one is more delicate. We don’t recommend that you pitch your teenager specific stories that you think would be most impressive in a college essay: it’s critically important that the storytelling impulse come from them organically. That being said, you can help your teenager get in touch with moments and memories that were meaningful to them by reminiscing together – take a walk by the old house you used to live in, ask for their help making the meal they loved as a toddler, show them pictures from family trips. If they seem excited about any particular memory, you can encourage them to reflect on how those moments might have shaped their personality or values by asking a few open-ended questions:

• What do you remember most about that time/place?
• Do you feel like you’re the same person you were then?
• What did you love about that time/place?

PS. To help your child feel less “interrogated,” let them ask you questions about your memories, too!

3. Take their temperature before offering feedback

Before you dive directly into giving your teenager feedback on their essay, take a beat to check in with them: how are they feeling about their essay? How are they feeling about their progress?

First of all, asking questions like this invites your child to reflect on the choices they’ve made and why they have made them; it encourages them to understand that they are a critical part of the assessment process.

Second of all, no matter your particular family dynamic, you’re the parent and your opinion matters deeply to your child. If a student feels profoundly proud of their essay, an unwitting negative opinion from a parent can be derailing and destabilizing. So make sure to understand where your teen is in their writing journey before bringing down the hammer.

4. Let grammar slide

It may seem counterintuitive, but if your teenager gives you a draft of their essay to look at, try to steer clear of granular, nitty-gritty critiques. To write well, your child needs to maintain a buoyant spirit of exploration and discovery – so your job is to help them strengthen what they’re doing well, focus on the big picture, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Wait to offer feedback on grammar, punctuation, or word count until the very end of the process, once their ideas are in place. Until then, help them deepen their insights and specify their vision, and make it clear that you’re their cheerleader through this whole process.

Under the right circumstances, helping your high schooler with their college essays can be a lovely bonding experience. But as we all know, sometimes teens keep their parents at arm’s length while they’re establishing their independence. In that case, know that you can always call in an outside voice to guide your child, leaving you free to focus on being their parent instead of their editor. Our college admissions experts are available to partner with you at any stage of the process.

Caroline Hertz

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One Thing Parents Can Control

By Esau McCaulley

Contributing Opinion Writer

My father was a long-haul truck driver. He piloted one of those eighteen-wheelers that had a horn that could raise the dead. As a kid, I longed to join him on his journeys and discover something of the world beyond Huntsville, Ala., where we lived.

Despite his numerous promises, he never took me along. That failure, and the addictions of his that defined much of my childhood, gave me an education of a different sort. I learned that the world could be cruel and disappointing.

Now that I am a father, I struggle with how much of that hard world to reveal to my sons and daughters. I recognize the privilege in even considering this. Parents of children in Gaza and Ukraine do not have the luxury of deciding whether to tell their young ones of evils done and all the good left undone. Bombs descending from above indifferent to the innocence of youth have become their instructors.

I believe that we all have a moral duty not to turn away from such suffering. During dinner my family and I have talked and prayed about war, poverty, racism and injustice. My hope is that if we instill a sense of empathy in our children, they might create a better world than the one we have made.

It is not just the global upheaval that gives me pause. It is my own mistakes. Not one of us escapes those high-pressure early years of parenthood unscathed. There are always words that we wish that we could unsay, decisions made that we would reconsider if time ran backward. What unfulfilled promise will haunt my children? What will they have to forgive?

Childhood memories rush upon us, awakened by a smell or a song or certain times of year. The scent of fried chicken takes me back to my grandmother’s house. I can almost hear the crunch it made when I took a bite. Every time I pass an eighteen-wheeler on the Interstate, I remember my father. Fall reminds me of the anxiety I felt when I knew that I had to go back to school without any new outfits or shoes, hoping I wouldn’t be mocked. I am 44 years old, and I still remember the hard thumps in my chest.

Parents cannot shield their children from the world’s cruelty or our failures, but we can try to counter those things. We can provide moments that may become positive recollections to sit alongside harsher ones.

I have never understood people who complain about poor families buying a nice TV or shoes or taking their children out to eat. Is it all to be drudgery? Are struggling families not allowed to have dessert? I remember my mother buying us candy at the gas station, having decided that since we were already broke, we might as well take the happiness when we could get it.

Since December, my family and I have been abroad while I am on a research sabbatical in England. My 9-year-old son, Peter, a huge soccer fan, dreamed of seeing a Premier League match. He was persistent in the way only elementary school children can be. He arrived in Britain a Manchester City fan, but I couldn’t get tickets. When I managed to secure two Tottenham Hotspur seats, he immediately switched allegiances.

Watching Peter’s eyes widen as he approached the stadium, joy emanating from his tiny frame, was like that first ray of light after a downpour.

Son Heung-min is the Spurs’ star and captain and a standout on the South Korean national team. Our seats seemed to be in the part of the stadium filled with Koreans. The red, blue, white and black South Korean flag and the national pride it represented rippled in the wind beside Hotspur flags. The team itself was gloriously international, with players from Europe, Asia, the Middle East, Africa and South America all working together on the beautiful game. For a moment, sport had united us, and my son got to see the world as friendly and good.

Between the chants and songs , the crowd was kind to the cute, curly-haired American kid, making us feel as welcome as if we had been fans all our lives. After falling behind 1-0, the Spurs came rushing back to score three goals in the final 15 minutes to seal the victory. One fan said to Peter, “Now you have to come back every week to make sure we keep winning.” If he could, he would. If I had the power to make every day like that one, no price would be too high.

It is hard to predict the impact of these experiences. Parents can make only deposits of joy. We cannot control when our children will make the withdrawals. Did my mother know that I would always remember that one time she took us all to the (now defunct) Opryland U.S.A. theme park in Nashville? I am not sure what the Hotspur game will mean to my youngest son two decades from now. But that day he was happy, and knowing that will have to be enough.

Parenting is always an exercise in hope, a gift given to a future we cannot see to the end. At some point, if God is merciful, our children will continue forward without us, left with the memory of love shared and received.

We are entrusted with the awesome responsibility of introducing our children to the world and the world to our children. We cannot and should not shield them from all difficulty. But it’s also necessary, periodically, to be a bit irresponsible, to spend a little too much on a soccer game so they remember that alongside the darkness, sometimes there is light. Come on, you Spurs .

Esau McCaulley ( @esaumccaulley ) is a contributing Opinion writer and the author of “ How Far to the Promised Land: One Black Family’s Story of Hope and Survival in the American South ” and the children’s book “ Andy Johnson and the March for Justice .” He is an associate professor of New Testament and public theology at Wheaton College.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

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I’m About to Spend a Tumultuous Summer With My Conservative Dad. He’s Already Making Veiled Threats.

Everything is a lecture..

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column.  Have a question for Care and Feeding?  Submit it here .

Dear Care and Feeding,

I’m a university student just shy of 20 years old. I’d be hard-pressed to tell you of any time I felt close to either of my parents, though I’m writing more so about my father. I really have no idea how to communicate with him. He’s a staunch Republican and I am very much not, but I’m mature enough to know how to talk to people different from me. That’s only the start of my problems with him.

I try to let him think I have undecided or only vaguely conservative political views because he’s made veiled threats to withdraw me from my university if he found evidence I was being “brainwashed.” He makes everything a lecture or argument; a comment on, “Hey, isn’t it odd that you have to be 19 to consent to the flu shot in some states?” got me a response of, “Yeah, but you can consent to abortions and mastectomies at 12, isn’t that something?” A quiet car ride recently led to him pointing out a young woman taking a jog on the sidewalk next to a busy street (in broad daylight) and telling me he expects that I wouldn’t do anything “so stupid and dangerous.” After some probing, it turned out he really does expect me to do absolutely nothing alone, ever. When I had no idea how to respond, he told me that I, “shouldn’t go crying to my therapist in 20 years trying to say [he’s] the reason we never talked.”

I don’t want advice on how to be buddy-buddy with him; I recognize things are too far gone for something like that. But with summer coming up, I’d like to be able to keep the peace while I’m stuck at home. How?

—Cramped Carolinian

Dear Cramped,

This is a really difficult situation to be in. He must know on some level that he’s alienating you, or he wouldn’t have made the therapist comment.

I think the easiest, and probably best, thing to do is simply ensure you aren’t around too much of the time. Get a summer job or enroll in a summer class—maybe both!—that will get you out of the house as much as possible. Develop a new obsession with audiobook novels and put your earbuds to work. Make your bestie’s house the place where your hometown crew congregates most nights. If it’s serious enough that he would pull you out of college for expressing your more liberal viewpoints, then I’d give yourself as few chances as possible to get into that situation.

On those occasions where you cannot keep a distance and he’s getting under your skin, remember that his goal is (apparently) to profess his opinions loudly and as if they are facts. He’s not interested in a debate or a friendly conversation, and nothing you say will persuade him to change his mind. Since he’s not interested in your opinion, you don’t need to be concerned with his. Make that your mantra this summer. Do you respond well to positive reinforcement? If so, you could try something perhaps reminiscent of your younger years: Make a sticker chart for yourself. Place a sticker on the chart every time you keep your cool and don’t engage your dad. Every 10 stars earns you some kind of reward of your choosing. (It doesn’t need to be an actual sticker chart, of course; tallying on your phone’s notes app works great, too.

Spending a summer walking on eggshells is no one’s idea of fun. I hope you can get through these months relatively drama-free. Good luck!

More Advice From Slate

I am mom to a 4-year-old and 7-year-old twins. Before having kids, I earned a Ph.D. in literature, and after having kids I took on freelance writing jobs, and a few years after my youngest went to school, I took on a part-time job that I love. My husband is the math/science person in the house, while I’m the reading/art person. I’m also the main caregiver. I mention my husband’s and my respective strengths because it’s clear my boys think my husband is “the smart one.”

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What's Something You Figured Out About Parenting That You Did Not Know Before Having Kids?

It's the types of things no book or blog really tells you about.

BuzzFeed Staff

You've probably heard some version of the saying that being a parent is not only the most important job in the world but also the hardest. As any parent will tell you, one of the hard parts is that there are things that you'll only learn or figure out while — for lack of better wording — on the job.

With that in mind, what I want to know is: What advice would you give parents that you wish you had known?

Maybe yours would be a practical one, like not asking for way too many clothes at the baby shower (because they grow out of it fast) and instead asking for things like boxes of diapers or an Uber Eats gift card so they can order food when they're just too exhausted to cook.

Perhaps you would share what mistakes and correct things you did when your toddler started to want to watch videos on your phone.

Or, maybe it would be how you should apologize to your child/children if you overreact to something or lose your temper and yell at them.

Or, perhaps your advice would be how to make your spouse or partner still feel like they're a priority to you too.

Parents, tell us what advice you would give parents that you wish you had known in the comments below, or submit it anonymously using this form for a chance to be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post.

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