life is not unfair essay

November 24, 2014

The problem isn’t that life is unfair – it’s your broken idea of fairness

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Unless you’re winning, most of life will seem hideously unfair to you.

The truth is, life is just playing by different rules.

The real rules are there. They actually make sense. But they’re a bit more complicated, and a lot less comfortable, which is why most people never manage to learn them.

Rule #1: Life is a competition

That business you work for? Someone’s trying to kill it. That job you like? Someone would love to replace you with a computer program. That girlfriend / boyfriend / high-paying job / Nobel Prize that you want? So does somebody else.

We’re all in competition, although we prefer not to realise it. Most achievements are only notable relative to others. You swam more miles, or can dance better, or got more Facebook Likes than the average. Well done.

It’s a painful thing to believe, of course, which is why we’re constantly assuring each other the opposite. “Just do your best”, we hear. “You’re only in competition with yourself”. The funny thing about platitudes like that is they’re designed to make you try harder anyway . If competition really didn’t matter, we’d tell struggling children to just give up.

Fortunately, we don’t live in a world where everyone has to kill each other to prosper. The blessing of modern civilisation is there’s abundant opportunities, and enough for us all to get by, even if we don’t compete directly.

But never fall for the collective delusion that there’s not a competition going on. People dress up to win partners. They interview to win jobs. If you deny that competition exists, you’re just losing. Everything in demand is on a competitive scale. And the best is only available to those who are willing to truly fight for it.

Rule #2. You’re judged by what you do, not what you think

Society judges people by what they can do for others . Can you save children from a burning house, or remove a tumour, or make a room of strangers laugh? You’ve got value right there.

That’s not how we judge ourselves though. We judge ourselves by our thoughts .

“I’m a good person”. “I’m ambitious”. “I’m better than this.” These idle impulses may comfort us at night, but they’re not how the world sees us. They’re not even how we see other people.

Well-meaning intentions don’t matter. An internal sense of honour and love and duty count for squat. What exactly can you and have you done for the world?

Abilities are not prized by their virtue. Whatever admiration society awards us, comes from the selfish perspectives of others. A hard working janitor is less rewarded by society than a ruthless stockbroker. A cancer researcher is rewarded less than a supermodel. Why? Because those abilities are rarer and impact more people.

We like to like to think that society rewards those who do the best work. Like so:

But in reality, social reward is just a network effect. Reward comes down mostly to the number of people you impact :

Write an unpublished book, you’re nobody. Write Harry Potter and the world wants to know you. Save a life, you’re a small-town hero, but cure cancer and you’re a legend. Unfortunately, the same rule applies to all talents, even unsavoury ones: get naked for one person and you might just make them smile, get naked for fifty million people and you might just be Kim Kardashian.

You may hate this. It may make you sick. Reality doesn’t care. You’re judged by what you have the ability to do, and the volume of people you can impact. If you don’t accept this, then the judgement of the world will seem very unfair indeed.

Rule #3. Our idea of fairness is self interest

People like to invent moral authority. It’s why we have referees in sports games and judges in courtrooms: we have an innate sense of right and wrong, and we expect the world to comply. Our parents tell us this. Our teachers teach us this. Be a good boy, and have some candy.

But reality is indifferent. You studied hard, but you failed the exam. You worked hard, but you didn’t get promoted. You love her, but she won’t return your calls.

The problem isn’t that life is unfair; it’s your broken idea of fairness.

Take a proper look at that person you fancy but didn’t fancy you back. That’s a complete person . A person with years of experience being someone completely different to you. A real person who interacts with hundreds or thousands of other people every year.

Now what are the odds that among all that, you’re automatically their first pick for love-of-their-life? Because – what – you exist? Because you feel something for them? That might matter to you , but their decision is not about you .

Similarly we love to hate our bosses and parents and politicians. Their judgements are unfair. And stupid. Because they don’t agree with me! And they should! Because I am unquestionably the greatest authority on everything ever in the whole world!

It’s true there are some truly awful authority figures. But they’re not all evil, self-serving monsters trying to line their own pockets and savour your misery. Most are just trying to do their best, under different circumstances to your own.

Maybe they know things you don’t – like, say, your company will go bust if they don’t do something unpopular. Maybe they have different priorities to you – like, say, long term growth over short term happiness.

But however they make you feel , the actions of others are not some cosmic judgement on your being. They’re just a byproduct of being alive.

Why life isn’t fair

Our idea of fairness isn’t actually obtainable. It’s really just a cloak for wishful thinking.

Can you imagine how insane life would be if it actually was ‘fair’ to everyone? No-one could fancy anyone who wasn’t the love of their life, for fear of breaking a heart. Companies would only fail if everyone who worked for them was evil. Relationships would only end when both partners died simultaneously. Raindrops would only fall on bad people.

Most of us get so hung up on how we think the world should work that we can’t see how it does. But facing that reality might just be the key to unlocking your understanding of the world, and with it, all of your potential.

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Life Isn’t Fair – Get Over It Or Get Frustrated. It’s Your Choice.

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Have you ever said, “Life isn’t fair”?

Of course you have. We’ve all said that.

And we’re right. Life is NOT FAIR. At least it’s not fair all the time.

But sometimes life IS FAIR — to be fair.

So somebody commits a capital crime. The crime is investigated and a suspect is arrested. The defendant is tried in court and convicted by a jury as a result of the evidence. Finally, the convicted is sent to prison to serve their sentence.

That’s fair, is it not?

The person broke the law and the law punished them for the violation. This is not only fair, but our society functions effectively because of it.

Or consider a young person who decides to pursue a preferred career option.

They do well in school; are accepted into a good college; attend the college and excel; graduate from the college; apply for jobs; and eventually get hired by a firm and they have a stellar career.

That’s fair, isn’t it?

A just reward for discipline and hard work. It’s a common motivator for overcoming the inertia that’s all too common.

But even as we agree that some things in life are fair, we know that some things are NOT FAIR. In fact, many things in life are not fair. For example:

On September 11, 2001, nearly 3,000 people lost their lives through an act of terrorism. People who were just trying to earn an honest day’s pay for an honest day’s work. Children. Peace-loving people. Business people. Daycare workers. Service workers. Firefighters. People who not only did not deserve to die, but certainly not in the horrific way that took their lives that beautiful crisp September morning. That’s not fair. It’s not fair at all.

Martin Luther King, Jr., while pioneering the ideals stated in our Declaration of Independence, was assassinated by a man who had no concern for fairness at all. A man who had dedicated his life to freedom and equality and dignity for all — was cut down by a man who had no concern for any of these things. This is just not fair. Such unfairness makes us angry and we cry out against it.

Some people are born into privilege. Born into a family with money and influence. Sent to the best schools. Afforded opportunities that most can only dream about. But others are born into crushing poverty. Where survival is a daily challenge. No money or influence. Few, if any, opportunities. Yet neither the child of privilege nor the child of disadvantage did anything to bring about their fortune or lack of it. How is it fair that a child who did nothing to merit their good fortune receives so much of it? How is it fair that a child who did nothing to deserve their misfortune receives so much of it? How is that fair? It’s not fair. It’s not fair at all.

In many respects, life is just not fair. We would all agree on that. And agreeing to life’s unfairness is a good place to begin. So let’s just say it. LIFE IS NOT FAIR! And it’s a certainty that we will continue to see manifestations of life’s unfairness into the future. So what do we do about it? What do we do given the fact that life is unfair? Consider the following suggestions.

Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you accept the unfairness of life. You may want to try speaking to one via BetterHelp.com for quality care at its most convenient.

We should begin by simply admitting that life is unfair . And it will always be unfair to a point.

It’s not our fault. It’s not our doing. We didn’t cause it. It just IS.

Denying that life is unfair is not only inaccurate, it’s pointless. So just admit it. Say it out loud. LIFE IS UNFAIR. It helps.

The second thing we should do is accept that life is unfair . That life always has been and always will be unfair.

We can’t change it except on the smallest of scales.

Accepting what we cannot change is one of the hallmarks of the Serenity Prayer.

It’s also a good approach to the unfairness in the world. We simply accept it as part of life. And part of our own journey.

Anticipate It

Given the fact that unfairness is part of life, we should anticipate it .

Unfairness is universal in every culture, in every time, and in every place.

Admitting and accepting that life is unfair will help us anticipate it, and not be shocked when we see it or experience it.

We may be disappointed when we experience life’s unfairness. But there’s no reason to be surprised by it. Certainly not shocked by it.

Anticipating it will go a long way toward helping us not be disillusioned by it.

Adjust To It

When we recognize that life is unfair and adopt the proper attitude toward it, we’ll be ready to adjust to it .

We adjust by not letting the unfairness of life derail us. By not letting life’s unfairness divert us from our mission and purpose.

Life’s unfairness can lead us to bitterness and cynicism . It can generate fear and dread in us as we think about the future.But none of this is necessary.

We can adjust to life’s unfairness. When something happens to us that’s not fair, we simply declare it so and adjust to it.We admit the unfairness. We mourn the fact that it was unfair. We don’t like it. But we don’t deny it.

We accept the unfairness when it happens. But we don’t equate acceptance with endorsement . Nor do we ignore the unfairness.

There are things we may choose to do that will better ensure that the particular unfairness ceases. But accepting it helps this process rather than hinders it.

Until we admit and accept that unfairness has occurred, we won’t be ready to deal with it. When we adjust to unfairness, we’re ready to move forward.

Adapt To It

When something is inevitable and unavoidable, it’s usually fruitless to get worked up over it.

It’s okay to get angry and resolve to change it if possible, but fighting unfairness doesn’t always have to be a fight.

When you’re out on the open sea in a sailboat and the wind shifts, you don’t fight the wind — you change your sails . You will never defeat the wind. All you can do is work in harmony with the wind to accomplish your goal.

If we insist on getting worked up over life’s unfairness, we will only relegate ourselves to frustration.

One of the quips of the ages is, “It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”

We may feel better for a brief time by cursing the darkness. But cursing the darkness generates no light. We must light a candle to do that.

Fighting doesn’t bring the light. Cursing doesn’t bring the light. It’s the candle that brings the light.

Of course, we’re free to do battle if we choose.

I’ve known people whose life consisted almost entirely of railing against the unfairness in the world. As if their complaining about the unfairness will eradicate it.

It’s not going to happen.

The best we can do is adapt to the unfairness by accepting that it will always be with us. Then do what we can to combat it when we see it. And certainly not to contribute to it ourselves.The choice is ours to make. We don’t need to be frustrated by the unfairness. We can respond to it in a healthy and productive way. And we should. So let’s review.

Life is not fair. It just isn’t. Sometimes it’s mildly unfair. Sometimes it’s grossly unfair.

When we see life display its unfairness, here’s what we should do:

• ADMIT. Deep down we know that life is unfair. Just admit that it is. It will help.
• ACCEPT. Accepting life’s unfairness doesn’t mean we like it. It does mean we accept it as part of our journey.
• ANTICIPATE. Once we accept that life is unfair, we’ll be less shocked and derailed when we see it. We should expect life to be unfair because it is.
• ADJUST. Because life is unfair, we’ll be called upon to adjust when we experience it. If not, then life’s unfairness will get the better of us. We don’t need to let that happen.
• ADAPT. If we fail to adapt to the unfairness of life, it can break us. We can become so disillusioned by it that we give up. But don’t give up because life is unfair — adapt to it and use it as a springboard for change.

Many of the world’s great changes were brought about because someone sensed an unfairness. And they began to work toward a change. A change that in some specific way eliminated the unfairness that had earlier prevailed. Life isn’t fair. Get over it or get frustrated. It’s your choice.

Still not sure how to deal with the unfairness of life? Talking to someone can really help you to handle whatever life throws at you. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.

Speak to a therapist about it. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can help you to accept whatever has happened and then work through the emotional and practical aspects of the situation.

BetterHelp.com is a website where you can connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.

While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.

Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.

You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.

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About The Author

I was born and raised in northern Virginia near Washington, D.C. My dream as a child was to play professional baseball. I made it as far as a baseball scholarship to a Division 1 college. I’m a teacher at heart, and love to teach anything and anybody who wants to learn. I started out as a public school teacher. But within a few years, felt called to the ministry, where I spent 32 years as a pastor. I love the outdoors. I love to read. I love people. I love to learn. I try to take a long walk every day year-round. I’ve done that for more than 40 years. It’s where I do some of my best thinking. It also clears the cobwebs from my head and the nonsense that tries to take root there. My blog is Quotation Celebration , where I discuss the meaning and lessons contained within great quotes.

Essay on Life Unfairness

Students are often asked to write an essay on Life Unfairness in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Life Unfairness

Introduction.

Life is a journey, filled with ups and downs. We often hear the phrase “life is unfair,” but what does it truly mean? Simply put, it means that life doesn’t always treat everyone the same way. Some people face more challenges than others, which can seem unfair.

Understanding Unfairness

Unfairness in life can be seen in many forms. Some people are born with more privileges than others. These can include wealth, health, or opportunities. Some people have to work harder to get the same things that others get easily, which is unfair.

Effects of Unfairness

Life unfairness can lead to feelings of sadness, anger, and frustration. It can make people feel like they are not good enough or that they don’t deserve good things. This can harm a person’s self-esteem and make it hard for them to be happy.

Overcoming Unfairness

Even though life can be unfair, it’s important to remember that everyone has the power to overcome challenges. By working hard, staying positive, and never giving up, we can make the most of the hand we are dealt. Life is what we make of it, after all.

In conclusion, life unfairness is a reality that we all have to deal with. It can be tough, but it’s also a chance for us to grow stronger. Remember, it’s not about what life gives you, but what you do with what you’re given.

250 Words Essay on Life Unfairness

Understanding life unfairness.

Life can sometimes seem unfair. This means that things do not always happen the way we want or expect. Some people may have more luck, money, or opportunities than others. This is what we call ‘life unfairness’.

Examples of Life Unfairness

One example of life unfairness is the difference between rich and poor people. Some people are born in rich families while others are born in poor families. This is not because of anything they did, but just by chance. This can affect the opportunities they get in life, like the kind of school they go to or the jobs they can get.

Dealing with Life Unfairness

Even though life can be unfair, it is important to remember that we can still do our best with what we have. We can work hard, be kind to others, and keep a positive attitude. We might not be able to change everything, but we can control how we respond to it.

Learning from Life Unfairness

Life unfairness can also be a chance to learn and grow. It can teach us to be understanding and compassionate. When we see others who are less fortunate, we can help them if we can. This can make us better people and make the world a better place.

In conclusion, life unfairness is a part of life that we all have to deal with. It can be hard, but it can also be a chance to learn and grow. We should remember to do our best with what we have and to help others when we can.

500 Words Essay on Life Unfairness

Introduction to life unfairness.

Life is a journey filled with many ups and downs. At times, it may seem like life is unfair. When we say “life is unfair”, we mean that things do not always go as planned or as we wish. Sometimes, we face problems that seem too big to handle. Other times, we see people who seem to have it all while we struggle. This is what we call ‘Life Unfairness’.

There are many examples of unfairness in life. Some people are born into rich families while others are born poor. Some people are healthy while others have to deal with sickness from a young age. Some are born with talents that others can only dream of. These are all examples of life’s unfairness. It’s not about who worked harder or who deserves more, it’s just the way things are.

Handling Life Unfairness

Even though life can be unfair, it doesn’t mean we should give up. Yes, life can be tough and it can seem like the odds are against us. But it’s important to remember that we all have the power to change our circumstances. We can work hard, be kind, and strive to make the best of what we have. We can’t control what life throws at us, but we can control how we react to it.

Learning from Unfairness

Life’s unfairness can teach us many things. It can make us stronger, more understanding, and more compassionate. Seeing unfairness can motivate us to help others and to fight for justice. It can also teach us to appreciate what we have and not to take things for granted.

In conclusion, life can indeed be unfair. But remember, it’s not about what happens to us, but how we react to it. We can let life’s unfairness bring us down, or we can use it as a tool to grow and become better people. Life’s unfairness is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to define us. We can choose to rise above it and make the best of what we have. Remember, every cloud has a silver lining, and even in the most unfair situations, there is always something good to be found.

In the end, life’s unfairness is a part of the journey. It’s a part of what makes us who we are. So, while life may be unfair, it’s also full of opportunities for growth and learning. And that’s something to be thankful for.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

• Essay on Life Struggles
• Essay on Life Plan
• Essay on Life Origin Theories

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

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Life’s not fair! So why do we assume it is?

Doctoral Student in Developmental Psychology, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

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Larisa Hussak receives funding from the National Science Foundation.

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Income inequality in America has been growing rapidly, and is expected to increase . While the widening wealth gap is a hot topic in the media and on the campaign trail, there’s quite a disconnect between the perceptions of economists and those of the general public.

For instance, surveys show people tend to underestimate the income disparity between the top and bottom 20% of Americans, and overestimate the opportunity for poor individuals to climb the social ladder. Additionally, a majority of adults believe that corporations conduct business fairly despite evidence to the contrary and that the government should not act to reduce income inequality.

Even though inequality is increasing, Americans seem to believe that our social and economic systems work exactly as they should. This perspective has intrigued social scientists for decades. My colleague Andrei Cimpian and I have demonstrated in our recent research that these beliefs that our society is fair and just may take root in the first years of life, stemming from our fundamental desire to explain the world around us.

Believing in a legit reason for bad situations

When the going gets tough, it can be emotionally exhausting to think about all the obstacles in one’s path. This idea has been used by many researchers to explain why people – especially those who are disadvantaged – would support an unequal society. Consciously or not, people want to reduce the negative emotions they naturally feel when faced with unfairness and inequality.

To do this, people rationalize the way things are. Rather than confronting or trying to change what is unfair about their society, people prefer to fall back on the belief that there’s a valid reason for that inequity to exist.

This drive to relieve negative feelings by justifying “the system” seems to play an important role in people’s thinking about their societies all over the world . Therefore, it almost seems to be human nature to explain away the inequalities we encounter as simply the way things are supposed to be.

But are negative emotions necessary for people to justify the society around them? According to our findings , perhaps not.

Quick assumptions aren’t necessarily right

We make these kinds of justifying assumptions all day long, not just about social inequality. We’re constantly trying to make sense of everything we see around us.

When people generate explanations for the events and patterns they encounter in the world (for instance, orange juice being served at breakfast), they often do so quickly, without a whole lot of concern for whether the answer they come up with is 100% correct. To devise these answers on the spot, our explanation-generating system grabs onto the first things that come to mind, which are most often inherent facts. We look to simple descriptions of the objects in question – orange juice has vitamin C – without considering external information about the history of these objects or their surroundings.

What this means is the bulk of our explanations rely on the features of the things we’re trying to explain – there must be something about orange juice itself, like vitamin C, that explains why we have it for breakfast. Because of the shortcuts in this explanation process, it introduces a degree of bias into our explanations and, as a result, into how we understand the world.

There’s gotta be a reason…

In our research, Andrei and I wanted to see if this biased tendency to explain using inherent information shaped people’s beliefs about inequality. We hypothesized that inherent explanations of inequalities directly lead to the belief that society is fair. After all, if there is some inherent feature of the members of Group A (such as work ethic or intelligence) that explains their high status relative to Group B, then it seems fair that Group A should continue to enjoy an advantage.

What we found confirmed our predictions. When we asked adults to explain several status disparities, they favored explanations that relied on inherent traits over those that referred to past events or contextual influences. They were much more likely to say that a high-status group achieved their advantage because they were “smarter or better workers” than because they had “won a war” or lived in a prosperous region.

Furthermore, the stronger a participant’s preference for inherent explanations, the stronger their belief that the disparities were fair and just.

In order to ensure that this tendency wasn’t simply the result of a desire to reduce negative emotions, we told our participants about fictional disparities on other planets. Unlike the inequalities they may encounter in their everyday lives, our imaginary inequalities (for instance, between the Blarks and the Orps on Planet Teeku) would be unlikely to make participants feel bad. These made-up scenarios allowed us to see that people do jump to the same kinds of justifications even when we aren’t trying to alleviate negative feelings.

Kids buy into inherent explanations for inequality

We also asked these questions of an additional group of participants who should be even less likely to experience anxiety about their place in society when thinking about status disparities on alien planets: young children. Just like our adult participants, children as young as four years of age showed a strong preference for inherent explanations for inequality.

When we asked them to generate explanations, they were almost twice as likely to say that the high-status Blarks were more intelligent, worked harder, or were “just better” than the low-status Orps than they were to mention factors such as the neighborhood, family or history of either group. This preference promoted a belief that conditions were fair and worthy of support.

These findings suggest that the public’s misconceptions of inequality are, at least to some extent, due to our basic mental makeup. Primitive cognitive processes that allow us to create explanations for all the things we encounter in the world may also bias us to see our world as fair.

But the tendency to rely on inherent explanations, and adopt the subsequent belief that things are as they should be, is not unavoidable.

When we told children, for instance, that certain disparities were due to historical and contextual factors (rather than built-in, fundamental features of the aliens), they were much less likely to endorse those disparities as fair and just. Taking time to consider the many factors – both inherent and external – that contribute to social status may be an effective tool for developing a reasoned and critical perspective on our society in the face of growing inequality.

• Income inequality
• Social sciences
• Developmental psychology
• Negative emotions

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The Enemy Of Average

Why Is Life So Unfair? (And What You Can Do About It)

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Why is life so unfair?

During periods of struggle, I’m guessing that you’ve asked yourself this question. It’s only natural when life seems to be punishing you for no other reason than to be cruel.

The truth though, is that you’re stronger than your circumstances. No matter the injustice that life throws your way, you can overcome these struggles.

And even more than that, you can use the unfairness of your life to your benefit by making something of yourself despite the suffering.

This article will delve deeper into the question of why is life so unfair, and then talk about several different strategies you can implement to combat the unfairness of life.

Table of Contents

3 Reasons Why Life Is So Unfair

It’s true that every job applicant should be judged strictly on merit, regardless of family background or connections.

It’s true that in an ideal world, we’d all endure the same level of suffering, trauma, and loss.

It’s true that if life was completely fair, we’d all be born into families with the same level of opportunity and wealth.

But we don’t live in a fair world, and we never will. You’re never going to be playing the game of life on a level playing field.

Before going into what you can do about this, here’s 3 simple reasons why you’ll never stop asking the question, “why is life so unfair?”

#1: Everyone Wants What You Want

If you’re reading this article, it likely means that you want more out of life. Well, the reality is that so does everyone else. 

Many times in life, we get into trouble when we think we’re special. 

This belief manifests itself in conditions like social anxiety, which plagued my life for years. For those of you who aren’t familiar with social anxiety, it’s an anxiety disorder that’s characterized by an intense fear of being judged negatively by other people in social situations.

It’s an irrational and debilitating fear. And even though the belief comes more from a place of fear than arrogance, it’s actually quite a self-centered approach to the world — it assumes that you’re special, and that people are watching your every move waiting for you to slip up.

The reality is far different — people are so consumed with their own thoughts that our actions aren’t nearly as important as we think they are.

The belief that we’re special also causes problems when it comes to assessing our own level of ambition. I’m a huge offender of this, because for a long time I believed I was special for having so much ambition. 

I wasn’t special at all! Everyone wants to achieve their goals and dreams . Everyone wants to be happier, richer, and more fulfilled. 

The world isn’t fair because everyone is in a race to get the best of everything in life, and some people are given a significant head start. 

• Some people will possess more talent than you.  
• Some people will be born with more natural intelligence than you. 
• Some people will have more opportunities due to their family’s socioeconomic status
• Some people will encounter improbable strokes of luck that greatly accelerate their progress

You might not have any of these advantages while going after the life you want. 

Is that fair? Nope. 

Is that just how life is and how it always will be? Yes.

#2: Self Interest Reigns Supreme

Sometimes other people are the biggest culprits of us asking the question, “why is life so unfair?”

Maybe at one point you developed feelings for someone and they didn’t feel the same way. 

Maybe you’ve been let go from a job because management decided that they needed to cut back on staff to improve margins.

Maybe you’ve been on the wrong end of gossip about your personal life that’s had a negative impact on your personal relationships.

In all of these events, self-interest is driving behavior. At the end of the day, when faced with a decision, most people will place their needs above the needs of others.

It’s a survival instinct that’s been hard-wired into us over thousands of years of evolution — we all do what we feel we need to do to survive and thrive in this world.

It’s not evil, it’s just human nature. At some point, you’ve likely made a decision to benefit your own self-interests that’s negatively affected the lives of other people, even if you didn’t know it at the time.

Does that make you a bad person? Of course not, it just means that you did what you thought was best for you, which is what we’re all trying to do in this world.

#3: Pain Doesn’t Affect Everyone Equally

Right before we both started high school, one of my best friends lost his mother to cancer.

She was a wonderful woman, and I couldn’t believe she had been taken from the world such an early age (she was in her late 40’s when she died)

I also couldn’t comprehend why this was happening to my friend, who now had to go through the rest of his life with a gaping hole in his heart. Incredible pain had been inflicted upon him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

This taught me a very important lesson about the nature of the world — pain doesn’t distribute itself equally among the population.

It’s true that life is suffering, yet some people feel the weight of this suffering significantly more than others do. As you’re reading this right now, there are some truly horrible things happening in the world.

• Sons/daughters are losing their mothers and fathers unexpectedly
• Mothers giving birth are losing their babies in the womb
• Innocent people are becoming the victims of evil crimes

Events like these are inevitable, and when they happen to you or someone you’re close to, it’s understandable to wonder why is life so unfair.

And yet, there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t change the fact that bad things are going to happen to good people, all you can do is hope that they don’t directly affect you or the people you care about.

We’re all going to experience pain in our lives. For some of you, the level of pain you experience will be healthy and manageable.

Unfortunately, there are some of you reading this who have endured, or will have to endure a tremendous level of physical and emotional pain. You’ll constantly be questioning “why is life so unfair? ” and wonder why the world is such a cruel, nasty place.

Where you end up on the sliding scale of pain largely comes down to luck — the only thing you can do is focus on managing whatever comes your way.

What Should You Do When Life Is Unfair? (4 Tips)

We can’t change the fact that life is unfair, so what can we do to combat the inevitable suffering that life will throw at us?

Here’s four different things you can do to push back against the unfairness of life:

• Focus Only On What You Can Control
• Seize Your Opportunities
• Let Your Work Ethic Define You
• Prepare For The Worst By Controlling Your Environment

The rest of this article will cover each of these strategies in more detail and give you a roadmap for tilting the odds of fate in your favor.

#1: Focus Only On What You Control

When things aren’t going your way, it’s easy to lash out at the world being cruel. Unfortunately, no amount of complaining about the external world will change it’s unfair nature.

At some point, instead of constantly asking yourself, “why is life so unfair?”, you have to shift your internal dialogue.

Here’s a more productive question — Despite what life is throwing my way, what can I do to fight back?

The game of life is won by people who master what’s within their control, and let go of the things that they can’t control..

Get laid off from your job? Sure, it’s not going to feel good in the present moment, and it’s okay to sit with that pain for a few days.

But when the resentment fades, you’re given two choices:

• Option #1: Continue to sit and wallow in your anger, using the pain as an excuse to stagnate and not look for any other opportunities. 
• Option #2: Focus on what’s within your control and execute the action steps necessary to make the best out of a bad  situation.

You can choose to start rebuilding your resume and tailor it to the job that you want to find next.

You can look in the mirror and honestly assess your own performance, and craft a plan for fixing the weaknesses that played a role in you being let go.

You can choose to send in 5-10 job applications per day so that you give yourself the best chance of landing back on your feet.

These are all positive actions that would improve this situation, and you have total control over whether or not you execute them.

So whatever the source of unnecessary pain in your life, write down 5-10 action steps that you can complete that will address this source of pain.

You can’t take on all 5-10 at once, so focus on one at a time and make incremental progress every single day. And if you have the self-discipline to do that, you may find that the world is a much more opportunistic place when you show some grit.

#2: Seize Your Opportunities  

Given that the world is an unfair place, you must take advantage of opportunities that the world throws your way.

Successful people are masters of seizing opportunity. Average people tend to let opportunities pass them by and then curse the world for their bad fortune.

The world doesn’t distribute it’s opportunities to everyone equally. Some people get the benefit of being in the right place at the right time more often than others, but we’re all in that position at one point or another.

The only question is whether or not you’re going to act at that moment.

I guarantee that if you look back on the positive events that have happened in your life, most of them were preceded by you seizing an opportunity.

The dilemma with opportunities is that capitalizing on them requires getting outside of your comfort zone. The single biggest culprit of a failure to seize opportunity tracks back to fear — fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear being negatively judged by others, etc.

If you want to make your own luck in this world, you have to get comfortable with fear. You must learn to take action in spite of it when opportunities arise.

One of the best ways to do this is through comfort zone challenges, which essentially force you to practice facing your fears.

The inherent nature of comfort zone challenges is that there’s potential for embarrassment or rejection. And although it feels scary to embrace these emotions in the moment, what lies on the other side is a greater sense of freedom.

Each time you face fear despite your brain’s urges to retreat, you build up evidence in your brain that you can handle discomfort and take risks in spite of your emotions.

And when you become that kind of person, seizing opportunities becomes far easier.

#3: Let Your Work Ethic Define You

There are a bunch of things in life that you have no control over.

You don’t have control over whether or not you were born into money. You don’t have control over your genetic code. You don’t have control over the actions of others, and the negative consequences of those actions on your own life.

With that being said, there’s one thing that you always have control over no matter how dire your situation is, and that’s your work ethic.

Working hard doesn’t guarantee success, it just tilts the odds in your favor. And the level to which the odds shift in your favor is directly related to your level of commitment to your craft.

Early on this blogging journey of mine, I realized that I didn’t have much control over when it was going to start to take off:

• I couldn’t control whether or not my guest posts to other blogs were accepted or not
• I couldn’t control whether or not other influencers in the self-improvement world would mention my content or not
• I couldn’t control the speed at which my content would start to rank in Google.

However, I did have control over the amount of posts I published each week. 

In the blogging world, more posts means more opportunities to rank in Google. More opportunities to rank means more traffic. More traffic means more money, and more money means having the resources to make this my full-time career.

Published posts is the one key metric that makes all of the things listed above possible. Furthermore, it’s something that I have 100% control over, which means it deserves every ounce of my limited focus and attention.

Now for you, this key metric may be different. In any endeavor, there’s a number of different actions that can improve your chances of success. 

However, there’s typically one thing you have control over that has the greatest influence on your overall happiness, fulfillment, and success.

So instead of asking yourself “why is life so unfair?” ask yourself this:

What’s my one key metric? What’s the one daily action that will significantly move the needle in my personal and professional life?

If you work in sales, that one key metric might be the number of calls you make every single day or the number of emails you send out.

If you’re a writer, that one key metric might be the number of words you write every single day.

If you have aspirations to become a world-class chef, that one key metric might be the number of classes you take to improve your craft.

Focusing on this metric won’t guarantee success, but it will give you a chance to smartly outwork everyone who wants what you want. And you’ll be less affected by the slings and arrows of fate when you adopt 100% responsibility for a metric that has a tremendous impact on your outcomes.

#4: Prepare For The Worst By Controlling Your Environment

“Environment is the invisible hand that shapes human  behavior.” ~ James Clear

Oftentimes, we underestimate the impact of our environment. This is a fatal mistake because human beings are a product of the environments that they’re in. 

Given that the world can be an unfair place, we need to do as many things as possible to tilt the odds in our favor.

If you were to suddenly lose a family member due to illness, would you have a strong social support system to rely on? Or, would your lack of social connection accentuate the despair that comes along with losing a loved one?

The world taking away someone that you love is a horrible tragedy that you can’t prevent. However, the strength of your personal relationships is an environmental factor that influences how you come out of this tragedy.

It also happens to be 100% controllable. There are several other examples that we could dive into, but the bottom line is this:

Bad things are going to happen to you in life. Most of the time you don’t know when, where, why or how they will happen, but be rest assured that your day is coming. The only thing you can do to prepare for adversity is to design your environment in a way that facilitates your ability to handle the consequences of fate.

The type of people that you associate with. The ease of access to distractions that impede your personal and professional growth. The places that you choose to spend time in.

These are all environmental factors that you can determine, life doesn’t have to determine these for you. And when adversity hits, these factors often play a huge role in the way you handle it.

Why Is Life So Unfair Quotes

I think a nice way to wrap up this article is to mention some inspirational quotes about the unfairness of life and the power we have to overcome it.

So without further ado, here’s a list of hard hitting quotes that highlight the harsh nature of life, and what we can do about it.

• “Life is unfair but remember sometimes it is unfair in your favor.” ~ Peter Ustinov
• “So I came to the realization. Nothing in life is unfair. It’s just life.” ~ Rob Lowe
• “Inside of a ring or out, ain’t nothing wrong with going down. It’s staying down that’s wrong.” ~ Muhammad Ali
• “The problem isn’t that life is unfair — it’s our broken idea of fairness. Meaning, our idea of fairness is self-centered.” ~ Tony Warrick
• “The only thing that makes life unfair is the delusion that it should be fair.” ~ Dr. Steve Maraboli
• “ One of the most fascinating lessons I’ve absorbed about life is that struggle is good.” ~ Joe Rogan
• “The happiest people don’t bother about whether life is unfair. They just concentrate on what they have.” ~ Andrew Matthews
• “Life happened. In all its banality, cruelty, and unfairness. But also in its beauty, pleasures, and delights. Life happened.” ~ Thirty Umrigar
• “Life isn’t fair. It never will be. Quit trying to make it fair. You don’t need it to be fair. Go make life unfair to your advantages.” ~ Robert Kiyosaki
• “Life isn’t fair. No matter what life throws your way, no matter how unfair it may seem, refuse to play the victim. Refuse to be ruled by fear, pessimism, and negativity. Refuse to quit. Be a warrior and work through whatever life throws your way with courage, love, and positivity.” ~ Zero Dean
• “When life puts you in touchy situations, don’t say “Why Me?” Just say “Try me.” ~ Dwayne Johnson
• “Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.” ~ Unknown
• “Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand.” ~ Hayley Williams
• “Sometimes, life is unfair and you have to suck it up and move on and not use it as an excuse.” ~ Robert Kraft

Final Thoughts: Why Is Life So Unfair

The world isn’t always going to act in your favor, so you must learn to act on the world and make the best of your situation.

Usually, this means focusing on what you can control. The world can be a horrifying unfair place, but it also rewards those with the courage to become the master of their fate.

If you accept the fact that life is unfair instead of cursing the fact that it is, you’ll be more likely to work towards your goals and dreams with persistence and perseverance, knowing that you and you alone are responsible for creating your own happiness.

Hopefully the tips outlined in this article put you on the path to doing just that.

• You Are Who You Surround Yourself With: Choose Wisely
• 10 Reasons You’re Feeling Unfulfilled (And How To Address Them)
• How To Be Consistent: 5 Tips To Master Daily Action
• 25 Best Spartan Quotes Of All-Time

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12 Reasons Why is life so Unfair: Exploring Life’s Injustices

It may seem that some people have to face more difficulties, sufferings, or injustices than others and that they have no control over their circumstances. There are many possible reasons for this, but some of them are: Life is unpredictable and complex, and we cannot foresee or prevent everything that happens to us or around us. Sometimes, random events or factors can have a positive or negative impact on our lives..

Sanju Pradeepa

You’re scrolling through news feeds and see another story of a person who had their life taken away too early. You think to yourself, “What kind of world is this?” It’s a question that many of us have asked at some point in our lives. We live in an unjust world, and it can be hard to process why things are the way they are. But instead of feeling helpless and stuck in this unfairness, you can take control of your own path despite the odds.

It’s no secret that life can feel pretty unfair sometimes. Whether it’s due to a bad break, a missing piece of luck, or simply not getting what you deserve, dealing with life’s injustices can weigh heavily on your heart and mind.

Focusing on the unfairness of it all will do nothing but keep us stuck in a cycle of frustration and bitterness. So, instead of wallowing in the unfairness of life, we should take the time to understand why life is so unfair in the first place.

Let’s take a deep dive into how life works and how you can strive to make a difference by taking charge of your own destiny, even when the deck may sometimes appear stacked against you.

We’ll explore why life is so unfair, bust myths about what’s standing in your way, and ultimately uncover how to create a more just future for generations to come.

Table of Contents

What is ‘unfairness’.

Have you ever felt like life is unfair? It’s a feeling that can happen when things don’t go our way and the world seems to take advantage of us. That’s because life can be unpredictable, chaotic, and sometimes seemingly unjust.

But what exactly is “unfairness,” and why does it happen so often? When we experience an obstacle that we were not expecting or when the outcome of a situation does not match the effort put into it, we are experiencing unfairness.

For example, when you put in a month’s worth of hard work on an assignment only to get a grade of C instead of an A, this may feel unfair.

In reality, there is no universal definition for “unfairness.” Everyone’s perception of justice will be different and shaped by individual experiences.

However, recognizing when something feels unfair can be a useful tool for identifying and understanding our values , including what matters to us, what we think is important in life, and how best to combat the injustice that occurs.

The Nature of The Unfairness of Life

You’ve probably asked yourself at some point: Why is life so unfair? It’s a fair question, one that has been explored by philosophers since the beginning of time. There are many theories as to why life can sometimes feel like an uphill battle, from the idea that it’s all part of a karmic cycle to the notion that life’s hurdles are there to grow us as individuals.

At its core, life’s unfairness can be attributed to two things: chance and our choices. Chance or luck plays a key role in what happens in our lives; it may be as simple as winning a lottery or as complex as our parents’ decision to move away from a war-torn country.

Our choices, on the other hand, determine how we respond to circumstances that come our way. We may choose to give up or carry on, complain about what we don’t have, or find ways to work with the resources we do have.

Understanding these competing forces allows us to accept and embrace life’s challenges with grace and dignity, while also keeping sight of our power in creating positive change.

Perhaps more than anything else, life’s unfairness can lead us to a sense of deep resignation, a feeling that all of our strivings are for naught. We can go our entire lives asking why it has to be this way and never find an answer.

But instead of succumbing to this feeling of helplessness, try to look at life’s unfairness through the lens of humanity. Rather than asking how I cope, consider the strengths, skills, and experiences I’ve gained as a result of my difficult journey. Then apply them to guide and direct your efforts to address inequities in your own community or environment.

No matter what happens, it’s essential to keep believing in a better tomorrow. Accepting that life is unfair does not have to mean accepting defeat; instead, it can serve as motivation for being an advocate for fairness in your own life and community.

Find strength in yourself and your convictions so that you are not resigned but instead inspired to make the world a better place.

Not all Storms Come to Disrupt Your Life But Also to Shape

Common misconceptions about life’s fairness.

Maybe you’ve heard people say that life isn’t fair and it’s often the most difficult circumstances that can serve as a harsh reminder of that phrase. Here are a few common misconceptions about life’s fairness:

1. Life is supposed to be easy.

It isn’t always supposed to be easy. In fact, we learn lessons and gain strength through struggle. Life is meant to challenge us, stretch us, and make us grow. This doesn’t mean it’s always easy or that things won’t seem unfair at times, but if we persevere through the storms with resilience, we will grow stronger and more capable of tackling even bigger challenges in the future.

2. It matters who you know .

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who you know or who your parents are. It’s all about how hard you work. You don’t need to be related to someone influential or depended on luck; it comes down to putting in the hours and not giving up when things get tough.

3. Only Money buys happiness .

This couldn’t be further from the truth: money can never buy true joy or unconditional love in your life. We should appreciate what we have instead of striving for something more materialistic. True happiness comes from within and experiencing new things, not from having more stuff around us.

Reasons Why Money Can’t Buy Happiness: 12 possible Reasons

Reasons why is life so unfair.

Life can be unfair due to chance and our choices. Chance or luck plays a key role in what happens in our lives, while our choices can also lead to unfairness. For example, we may choose to associate with people who are not good for us, or we may make poor decisions that lead to negative consequences. It’s important to recognize that life is not always fair and to focus on what we can control .

We all feel like life is unfair sometimes. We all deserve a fair break in this world, but the truth is, it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes it seems unfair because you happen to have been born with fewer advantages than someone else, and it seems unfair that people judge your success as your own doing and their failure as a result of their own shortcomings.

But what’s important to remember is that these feelings of unfairness don’t need to strongly affect your life or make you feel worse. It’s easy to let them consume us, but we must be able to take a step back from how we think and be objective about the situation so that we don’t allow our emotions to take control of what we do.

1. Life Is Unpredictable and Uncontrollable

At times, it can feel like life is entirely out of your control. We do our best to plan, prepare, and make decisions but sometimes, it seems like the universe has something else planned for us. Life is unpredictable and uncontrollable, and that feeling of powerlessness can often lead to feelings of unfairness.

Put simply: you never know what challenges or obstacles life is going to throw your way. A lot of the time, these will be beyond your control which makes it hard to find solutions that will make life fairer in the future.

You may find yourself imagining different circumstances that would have allowed you to have a more successful outcome, but you’ll never be able to predict exactly what challenges will arise in your future. The unpredictable nature of life often makes things feel unfair, as if success isn’t down to our own hard work and perseverance.

Why is life so Short: The Fleeting Nature of Existence

2. unequal life opportunities.

Life can seem especially unfair when you consider the unequal opportunities available between social classes and those in different locations. No matter how hard you work, if you don’t have the same opportunities as others, chances are that you won’t be successful.

The way you’ve been educated plays a major role in what kind of future awaits you. For example, if you come from a poorer background and don’t get the same quality of education as those from higher socioeconomic classes, your career options are automatically limited. You might not even get access to certain job openings or competitive courses due to your lack of access to proper education.

Geographic Location

Though the internet has made our world smaller, where you physically live in it still matters. Living in certain areas can determine what kind of job opportunities are available to you, or how much money you can make doing certain jobs.

Depending on where you live, there might be a lower supply and higher demand for certain jobs meaning less competition for people looking for work but that may also mean lower wages than elsewhere.

Though life can seem unfair at times, it’s important to remember that everyone has different life experiences, privileges, and obstacles they have overcome along the way, and these factors all play into what we have achieved in our lives so far. There is no right or wrong way to reach success, just hard work and perseverance.

Why is Life so Hard for Some and not Others: 10 Injustices

3. our own mindsets can manifest injustice.

It’s all too easy to spend our days feeling helpless and angry in the face of injustice. But while external forces can often be out of our control, one thing we can control is our own mindset and attitude . The way you view the world can affect how you experience it, and that means that your own mindset can be a tool for justice or for destructive behavior.

This is because our mindsets shape the stories that we tell ourselves about why certain situations are the way that they are, whether through a lens of injustice or justice.

You have the power to start shaping these stories to fit a more just perspective within your own mind by investing time in self-reflection and learning how to become aware of your own negative biases , understand the history of various forms of oppression, and explore your privilege when engaging with others. In doing this, you can create space to build solidarity with those who experience injustice instead of perpetuating it.

4. We Have Limited Control Over Our Destiny

At the end of the day, much of what happens to us in life is out of our control. You may have had ambitions and dreams for yourself and your future, but there are always external factors that can have a significant impact on how things turn out.

For instance, perhaps you applied for your dream job, hoping for success. But unbeknownst to you, the company was only offering the role internally, and so you didn’t even stand a chance from the start.

Or maybe you wanted to major in engineering at college but ended up having to take out student loans and couldn’t afford them. In both cases, it’s far from fair or reasonable that you couldn’t fulfill your plans, but these things simply can’t be helped in some cases.

It is important to remember that life isn’t necessarily designed to be “fair” or easy all the time, no matter how much we wish it were. Just because we are faced with obstacles doesn’t mean hope is lost. Understanding why life isn’t fair can help us find our way forward when faced with hardships.

Why is Life so Sad: 8 Reasons behind Your Life’s Sadness

5. we are victims of our own circumstances.

Sometimes, life feels unfair because we are victims of our circumstances. When the cards are dealt, it may seem like some people have been dealt better hands than others. It’s true some people may be born into wealth and privilege, while others may come from poverty and inequality. But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck in your circumstances forever.

You can make the best of what you have, no matter where you come from or what resources you have to draw upon. Here is a list of ways in which you can create a brighter future for yourself regardless of your current situation:

• Develop strong relationships with those around you.
• Take the initiative to improve your skillset.
• Make use of any resources available to you
• Embrace challenges as learning opportunities.
• Set short-term and long-term goals.
• Find mentors who can guide and advise you.
• Surround yourself with positive, like-minded people.
• Take time to think, plan and reflect on your progress.
• Persevere through adversity, and never give up hope.

Why is Life So Cruel: 8 Brutal Truths About Life’s Cruelty

6. society’s definition of success can be unfair.

It can feel like life is unfair when trying to determine what is considered ‘successful’ in society. We’re all so different and each of us is unique in our own way yet the same old rules seem to apply no matter what.

When it comes to measuring success, society tends to focus on traditional markers like education, financial status, job titles, and material possessions. And while these are important, they don’t always reflect the achievements you’re proudest of or the true value of your unique set of skills.

That’s not fair. Your definition of success should be personal; it’s how you define accomplishment on your own terms. Don’t let someone else decide what success looks like for you because everybody’s path looks different, and everyone takes a different route before reaching the version of success that works for them.

It can be hard to stick up for yourself sometimes and believe in yourself. But remind yourself that the world has no idea what you’re capable of until you show them. Ultimately, it’s up to you to craft your goals and work toward a purpose that makes sense for you, not anyone else.

7. Unfair Expectations Based on Gender and Race

Have you ever felt like you’re being judged or even held to different standards, simply because of your gender or race? It’s no secret that society still hasn’t completely transcended traditional ideas about gender and race, and sometimes this leads to unfair expectations from friends, family, school, the workplace, and more.

Here are some examples of how these expectations can be unfair:

Family Pressure

When it comes to family, it’s common for certain expectations to be placed on particular genders or racial identities. For example, a single mother might put a lot more pressure on her son to succeed than her daughter, in order to “make up” for the absence of a male role model in the home.

Appearance Standards

There is also a lot of pressure placed on people to subscribe and conform to societal beauty standards from hair length, skin tone and clothing choice which can be based on gender or race. This is especially true in the media and fashion industries.

Implications in Employment Opportunities

Race-based discrimination can still exist within hiring practices at workplaces from job interviews right through to promotions where certain stereotypes about specific ethnic minorities may cause them to be overlooked for roles that they are qualified for but that someone else may be deemed more suitable for.

It’s not easy living with fair expectations that feel unfair but being aware of the problem is an important first step towards creating change.

I used to struggle with my mind for a long time, wondering why this happened to me even though I did my best. After a long period of sitting in a corner, thinking about the unfairness of life and why I deserved it when I hadn’t done anything wrong, here are some ways I’ve learned to cope with the majority of my unfair situations:

8. Life isn’t supposed to be fair or equal for everyone.

Life isn’t supposed to be fair or equal for everyone. Some people are born into wealth and privilege, while others face immense hardships from day one. As much as we wish it weren’t so, the truth is that life’s injustices are unavoidable.

We all have moments when the unfairness of it all hits us hard. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do jerks seem to have all the luck? It can feel profoundly unjust.

The hard truth is that there’s no grand plan ensuring that good deeds are rewarded or that hard work always pays off. Life is simply neither fair nor unfair. While we can work to remedy injustice and inequality on a societal scale, on an individual level, the only thing we can control is our reaction. When life’s inequities threaten to get you down:

• Practice self-care. Make sure to connect with loved ones who support you.
• Focus on gratitude. Appreciate the good things you do have, rather than resenting what you lack.
• Do small acts of kindness. Helping others gets your mind off your worries and boosts your well-being.

Accept what you can’t change. As hard as it is, make peace with the fact that life isn’t meant to be fair. The only thing you can control is your response.

Though the world may not always be just, we can find meaning even in suffering. We can choose compassion over bitterness and kindness over resentment. Life may not be fair, but we can still make the world a little bit better. That is within our power.

Life Can Change in an Instant: Even In the Blink of an Eye

9. the role of luck and randomness in outcomes.

We all know life isn’t fair. As much as we’d like to believe that hard work and perseverance always pay off, the truth is that luck and randomness play a huge role in how things turn out.

Take getting into college, for example. No matter how good your grades are or how high you score on the SAT, there’s an element of chance regarding who gets accepted and who gets rejected. Admissions officers have to make judgment calls, and they don’t always get it right. Sometimes less deserving students get in while more deserving ones don’t. It’s not fair, but it’s life.

The same is true in careers and business. Two equally smart, hardworking entrepreneurs could start companies at the same time but end up with vastly different outcomes based primarily on luck. One might happen to launch a product that taps into the cultural zeitgeist and spreads like wildfire, while the other’s offering fails to gain traction through no fault of their own.

Romantic relationships are also subject to a fair amount of randomness. Meeting the right person often comes down to fortunate timing and stumbling into a serendipitous encounter. While there are things we can do to increase the probability of finding a good match, ultimately finding “the one” requires a bit of luck.

The truth is, life’s not fair because randomness and luck are built into the system. The universe is chaotic, complex, and unpredictable. While there are always things we can do to tilt the odds in our favor, at the end of the day, the amount of control we have over outcomes is limited. The sooner we accept this, the less disappointed we’ll be when life feels unfair. The good news is that, while randomness may work against us at times, it can also work in our favor. So, here’s to hoping Lady Luck is on your side!

Is Success Luck or Hard Work: Unpacking the Success Equation

10. cognitive biases lead us to see injustice where it may not exist..

We all have a tendency to perceive injustice and unfairness in the world around us, even when they do not exist. Our cognitive biases—the mental shortcuts our brains take to make quick judgments—often lead us to see unfairness where there is none.

Confirmation bias

We seek out and believe information that confirms what we already think and ignore information that contradicts our preexisting beliefs. So if we expect the world to be unfair, we’ll notice and focus on examples that prove that belief while dismissing instances that suggest otherwise.

Illusory correlation

We tend to perceive a relationship between two events when there is none. For example, we may think people of a certain ethnicity get promoted more often because of their character flaws, when in reality there is no connection. Our mind is creating an illusory correlation.

Fundamental attribution error

We blame individuals for their circumstances rather than considering external factors. When we see someone in an unfortunate situation, we assume it’s due to their own poor choices or character flaws. We fail to account for factors outside of their control, like their environment, upbringing, education, and opportunities (or lack thereof). This bias leads us to believe that life’s injustices are deserved or self-inflicted, rather than a result of an unfair system or random chance.

We judge people for things outside of their control, like natural talents, family wealth, health issues, or other life circumstances. But no one chooses the conditions into which they are born or the random events that shape their lives. Recognizing this “moral luck” can help us develop more empathy and see that perceived injustices are often due to arbitrary factors, not life.

The truth is, life isn’t always fair. But by being aware of our cognitive biases, we can gain a more balanced perspective and work to build a society with greater justice and equality of opportunity. Recognizing moral luck and arbitrary chance can help foster more empathy, compassion, and kindness toward others.

Cognitive Bias: 9 Invisible Forces That Shape Our Decisions

11. early childhood experiences shape our sense of fairness..

Our sense of fairness is shaped from an early age. As children, we observe the world around us and internalize beliefs about justice and equality based on how we see others treated. Unfortunately, the lessons we learn aren’t always good ones.

Many of us grew up in environments where we witnessed inequality, prejudice, and mistreatment. We saw people denied opportunities or judged harshly due to their gender, race, orientation, religion, or social class. These early experiences taught us that the world isn’t fair and planted the seeds of cynicism.

The messages we received

As kids, well-meaning adults often tell us “life isn’t fair” to prepare us for disappointment. But hearing this repeatedly can lead us to accept unfairness and even spread it to others. We may adopt beliefs like:

• People get what they deserve.
• Might makes right. It’s a dog-eat-dog world.

These toxic messages stay with us and skew our views. Even small injustices in childhood, like perceived favoritism shown to another child, can have a lasting impact.

The scars remain.

The unfairness we observe as children leaves scars on our sense of justice that are hard to heal. As adults, we see the world through this lens of cynicism and expect the worst. When we encounter new injustices, no matter how small, old wounds are ripped open. Our reaction is disproportionate to the current situation because it taps into a well of accumulated pain.

The only way to improve our sense of fairness is through conscious effort. We must challenge old beliefs, increase our empathy, and commit to building a more just world for others. It’s a long process, but by healing ourselves, we can help make society a little fairer too.

12. Some groups face systemic injustices and discrimination.

Some groups in society face systemic discrimination and injustice. Minority groups, marginalized communities, and vulnerable populations often struggle against unfair treatment, a lack of opportunity, and unequal access to resources.

As a society, we have come a long way toward promoting equality and justice for all. But we still have a long way to go to remedy the harms of discrimination and make sure everyone has a fair chance in life, regardless of their race, gender, internal orientation, disability status, or other attributes.

Racial minorities

Racial discrimination and racial injustice are still major problems. Minority groups face higher rates of poverty, unemployment, police violence, and incarceration. They have less access to healthcare, education, and economic opportunity. Systemic racism built into our institutions and policies continues to negatively impact people of color.

Women face discrimination and unequal treatment in the workplace, like unequal pay and a lack of career advancement opportunities compared to men. They experience high rates of domestic violence. In some cultures, women have little access to education, healthcare, and control over family planning. Legal rights and protections for women are still lacking in many parts of the world.

LGBTQ+ community

The LGBTQ+ community faces discrimination, stigma, and a lack of legal rights in many places. They experience high rates of harassment, violence, homelessness, and mental health issues. Same-gender marriage and adoption rights are still not recognized universally. Many face rejection from friends and family due to their internal orientation or gender identity.

People with disabilities

Those with physical, intellectual, and mental disabilities often face discrimination, lack of accommodation, and unequal access to public spaces, transportation, healthcare, education, and employment. Many live in poverty due to a lack of opportunity and difficulty finding gainful work. Legal protections against discrimination are not strongly enforced.

We all must work to remedy injustice, promote equal treatment under the law, and create a fair and just society for people from all walks of life. No one should face unfair barriers due to attributes outside of their control. Together, we can build a more equitable and inclusive world for all.

How do you cope with the unfairness of life?

It doesn’t seem fair that some people get to experience privilege and affluence and others don’t, does it? You may feel powerless to make a change in the world, but your life is still within your control. Here’s how you can start taking ownership of your own path:

1. Recognize and Accept Unfairness

No one likes to think about it, but unfairness is an unavoidable truth in life. No matter how hard you try or how much you think you deserve something, unfair things happen. Recognizing and accepting this can be difficult, but it’s key to gaining the strength to keep going when times are tough.

So, how do you recognize and accept the unfairness of life? Start by understanding that life is not fair for everyone not for you , and not for anybody else either. Treating yourself with compassion during hard times will help to remind you that everyone experiences their share of misfortune from time to time.

Often, unfairness can be seen as a test of emotional resilience ; it’s a reminder to stay strong and not give up in the face of struggle or disappointment. It also helps to look at how far you’ve come : learn from your past experiences so that they don’t become roadblocks as you move forward in your journey.

By acknowledging the nature of life’s inherent unfairness and recognizing its purpose, you can find inner strength when faced with an unjust reality.

2. Learn to Cultivate Gratitude and Perspective.

It may seem like life is simply unfair to you right now, but the feeling of helplessness is only natural. The best thing to do is to stop worrying so much and focus your energy on cultivating gratitude and perspective in your life.

When things don’t go your way, take a moment to look around and appreciate the good things in your life. Making a list of all the people, places, and moments that have brought you joy can be a powerful tool for reflection and refocusing on what makes life worth living.

It’s also a great reminder that even when times feel hard, they could always be worse. So, take advantage of these moments to practice gratitude and kindness.

Perspective

Life has its ups and downs, but if you take the time to look back over the course of your life, is it really that different than it was before? As you evaluate difficult situations, remember that it’s not just about what happened today, yesterday, or last week. It’s also about how you got here.

How did this decision lead up to this moment? You can learn so much by trying to understand how events unfolded in order to help make better decisions down the line.

Learning how to cultivate gratitude and perspective are two invaluable tools for dealing with unfair times in life. Not only will they help you move past unfortunate events more easily, but they will also serve as reminders of the more beautiful aspects of life as well as give you an opportunity for growth through reflection and insight.

3. Become more aware of your thoughts and feelings

There are many ways to cope with the unfairness of life. The first step is awareness, so you can start making changes in your life. When we’re stressed, it can be difficult for us to see that we’re feeling upset or angry about something. We need to know how we feel so that we can acknowledge what’s troubling us and take steps toward changing it, if necessary.

Life is what you make of it. The world, as we know it, is a reflection of our thoughts and feelings, our desires and fears . To this day, the majority of people believe that life has been unfair to them and that they were born into unjust circumstances.

I would like to challenge this assumption by explaining how you can change your response to what happens in your life, instead of waiting for life to give back all its natural blessings without asking for anything in return.

If you want something bad enough, then nothing will stop you from getting it, even if there are obstacles standing in your way.

We are all born with different abilities and talents, some with a silver spoon in their mouths and others with a golden one. Some people have to work hard for what they want, while others do not.

Some may have been lucky enough to be born into wealthy families who can afford to give them everything they need, but this doesn’t mean that you won’t have struggles of your own if you don’t get what everyone else gets on your birth certificate.

It’s easy to think that life isn’t fair because we’ve all experienced hardships or problems at some point in our lives, but remember: This doesn’t mean there isn’t hope for change.

You Can’t Change What Happens to You

When your best friend moves away, gets fired, or breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend and leaves town for good when these things happen, they’re just the way they are.

You can’t do anything about them other than respond appropriately in response to them and then go on with life as if nothing happened. They are part of who we are as humans; our lives are made up of who we have been and what has happened to us throughout our lives (both positive and negative).

You won’t change this fact about yourself by changing your circumstances; there isn’t any magic wand that will allow you access to another dimension where everything goes according to plan for everyone who lives there.

You Can Change Your Response

We all have a choice when we’re faced with situations like this. We can choose to be happy or sad.

If you feel sad, think about what you can change about your response:

• Change your perspective . Think about how the situation makes sense from an outside perspective, rather than from the perspective of someone who has been through it before and knows what’s coming next (e.g., “This is just one more thing out of our hands.”)
• Focus on what matters most in life instead of focusing on things that don’t matter at all (like dwelling in the past).

Don’t Dream Your Life Live Your Dreams: Make Them a Reality

4. learn to focus on what makes you happy, instead of what doesn’t..

“Focus on what makes you happy, and do what gives meaning to your life”   Barry Schwartz,  The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less

It’s easy to focus on the negative and dwell on everything that’s going wrong. But if you’re trying to find happiness, it’s important to look at the positive things in life as well.

When I was younger, I was always too preoccupied with what I didn’t have instead of focusing on all the things that I could control, which usually led me right back down into a pit of depression.

But now that I’ve learned how valuable it is for me (and others) to take time out each day just thinking about those things that make us smile or laugh out loud.

5. Be kind and be grateful for what you have

The world is full of people who have it worse than you do, so it’s easy to take things for granted and feel like your life is unfair. But if you’re always thankful for all the good things in your life, then this will help remind you that there are some people out there who have even less than what they deserve.

If you can’t do this, then try to see the positive side of things, or at least try not to focus on all the bad things that happen in life and only think about how lucky we are if we get through them alive, or just be able to wake up tomorrow morning without being paralyzed by fear from what could happen next time around.

Take time out for yourself : If there isn’t anything else going on during the day (and this includes family members),

*Try taking a break from work or school by spending an hour doing something relaxing, such as reading a book or listening to music .

* Talk about it: Talking about how you feel with someone who cares about you will help relieve some stressors in your life.

*Engage in a hobby or practice mindfulness.

* Get enough sleep at night before going to work each morning so that when daylight comes around again after midnight then there won’t be any need whatsoever.”

* Be kinder towards yourself by recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, rather than focusing on all the things that could go wrong if something bad happened (like losing an important job). It may sound silly, but sometimes asking someone else how they would handle an issue can help us get over ourselves enough so we can move forward with confidence instead of being stuck in fear mode all day long.

6. Find the Strength to Move Forward

It’s okay to feel sad, angry and frustrated when life feels unfair. After all, what other emotions should you be feeling in these trying times? It’s natural to have a range of emotions just don’t let them consume you.

What do you do when life doesn’t go the way you expected? How do you find the strength to move forward even though it feels like your world has been shattered?

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

It’s important to acknowledge and accept that life is unfair sometimes. We can try our best to control what happens around us, but at the end of the day, we’re not always in control. Accepting that will help ease your mind and free up inner strength for moving on.

2. Surround Yourself with Support

Having a strong support system help you process your emotions and provide comfort during difficult times. Being surrounded by family or friends who understand your situation can be incredibly beneficial in helping you cope with an injustice or unfairness that’s beyond your control.

3. Believe in Something Bigger

If you believe in something bigger than yourself, like a spiritual practice, religion, or force of nature, finding strength during tough times can be easier knowing that everything happens for a reason. Whether it’s fate, destiny, or luck, believing something greater is controlling your world can make unfairness seem more manageable.

4. Look for role models.

Find people who have faced or are facing similar struggles and see how they tackled them. Their stories of resilience might just be what helps you take control of your own path and find hope in an unjust world.

5. Practice self-care and self-compassion.

Take time to nurture yourself and practice self-love so that you can be in a better state of mind to tackle any obstacles that come your way.

6. Know that it isn’t your fault.

You may feel like you’ve been dealt a bad hand in life, but don’t blame yourself a lot of the time, we simply don’t have control over our circumstances.

7. Find Your Power.

In order to take control of your own path, you first need to find your power. This power can come from within, through self-esteem and self-confidence , or it can be found in those around you—family, friends, and other support systems. Once you have identified your source of power, use it to guide you towards the knowledge and skills that will help you flourish in challenging times.

What Determines Self-Worth: 9 Factors (Not to Focus on)

8. find the meaning and purpose in your life.

It’s natural to feel like everything is outside of your control when life throws challenges your way. But believe it or not, you can still take back some level of control. Start by asking yourself what meaning and purpose you want your life to have.

Think of this exercise like mapping a path, but instead of a physical one, it’s a mental pathway, leading towards the goals and purpose you want to find in life. It’s up to you and only you to establish what it is you want out of life and take the steps necessary to make it happen.

What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? What causes do you stand for? These are just some of the questions that will help define your life’s purpose. Consider who has inspired you throughout your journey and how their story has shaped or motivated yours . Who are the people or things that bring positivity into your life?

After identifying goals for yourself, create action plans for turning them into reality. Consider what resources are at your disposal. Think about the skills that come naturally to you and how they can help bring those ideas from conception to implementation.

Life can be harsh, unpredictable, and sometimes downright cruel at times, but it doesn’t have to end there. By taking the time to focus on what truly matters in life and what drives us forward in our lives, we can start reclaiming some control and establishing a higher level of contentment.

Finding Purpose and Meaning in Life Despite Its Unfairness

Life is not always fair, but this doesn’t mean that it is devoid of any purpose or meaning. As hard as it may seem, finding purpose and meaning in life despite its unfairness is a key step to understanding and accepting the unfairness of life.

Firstly, it’s important to remember that life is about perspective. Everyone experiences different things in life, so the way you view life’s unfairness will depend on your own unique experience. You can find ways to make sense of the situations that feel unfair by taking a step back and reframing them in terms of what you can learn from them and where they may be leading you.

Secondly, it is essential to focus on what makes life meaningful to you finding things that give you joy and bring out the best in yourself will help provide perspective during tough times. This could involve getting involved in something that helps society, developing your creativity or engaging with your community.

Finally, it is important to remember that there are some things in life we cannot control; however, challenging yourself to change what you do have control over will help you find strength during times when things seem unfair. This could involve taking an active role in seeking out helpful insights or changing your expectations or beliefs about yourself and the world around you.

How to Determine Your Values:  A Guide to Find What Matters

How to find balance between accepting fate and taking control of our lives.

Fate is the idea that our future is fixed, predetermined, or preordained by some outside influence. It’s the belief that some higher power has arranged everything for us and our actions don’t really make a difference. On the other hand, taking control implies that you are in charge of your destiny and have the power to make decisions to shape your own future.

At first glance, it may seem like accepting fate and taking control of our lives are opposites. After all, one involves trusting that whatever happens is meant to be, while the other requires us to take on the responsibility of creating our own destiny.

But the truth is that they are deeply connected. When we accept the things we have no control over the events, people, and situations in our lives that can’t be changed we actually create space in our minds and hearts to focus more on the things we can control. Instead of worrying about something outside of our power, we can shift our energy towards productive goals and actions.

Once we understand this connection, it becomes much easier to find a balance between these two forces in life: accepting what’s out of our hands and taking action on what’s within it. Knowing when to embrace fate and when to take charge will lead us closer to achieving a fulfilling life.

It can be hard to find the balance between accepting fate and taking control of our lives, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. Here are a few tips for how you can do it:

1. Living Purposefully

It involves doing the things that matter most to us and focusing on our goals and dreams. Making conscious decisions about our lives, instead of simply allowing life to control us, is a way to take control of our own destiny.

For example, if you want to become a doctor, create a plan that outlines how you will make that happen what courses do you need to take? What will your timeline look like? How will you pay for your education? These are just some examples of how you can start taking control of your life while still accepting that there may be bumps in the road along the way.

2. Embracing Uncertainty

Accepting our fate means embracing uncertainty with an open mind and heart. This can be difficult, especially because uncertainty often carries shame and guilt. Instead of trying to close off from these feelings, try to sit with them and work through them so that you can move forward in a healthy way.

3. Letting Go of Expectations

It is key when it comes to finding balance between accepting fate and taking control of our own lives . We all have certain hopes or expectations when it comes to where we want to go in life. The difference is in how we approach those expectations. If we’re too rigid in our expectations, it might mean that we don’t leave room for unexpected surprises along the way or opportunities for growth and learning.

4. Take Action

At the same time, it’s important to take action and make decisions that are in your best interest. There will always be things that are out of our control, but we can still make choices that will lead us in the right direction. Whether it’s taking on a new job, starting a business, going back to school or investing in yourself, taking proactive steps towards your goals makes you more in control of your own destiny and gives you hope for the future.

5. Celebrate Small Wins

When life isn’t going your way, focus on small wins as a reminder that progress is possible even when the odds seem stacked against you. Celebrating small wins builds resilience. It is something we need to get through challenging times and boosts our sense of self-efficacy (our belief in ourselves). It also helps keep our focus on what matters most: staying resilient despite life’s injustices and having faith that good things will happen eventually.

Who Said Life Had to Be Always Fair?

If you have ever opened up the newspaper or your Facebook feed, you know this to be true. The world is full of people who are suffering in one way or another. People suffer from a disease, poverty, oppression, or the way they were born (even the appearance and more about themselves).

Life is a bit unfair. And you’re not the only one who feels this way. There are many people out there who are also living their lives in a world that seems unfair, but what can we do about it? Firstly , know that your situation is unique to you and no one else. It may seem like everyone else has it worse than you, but they don’t; they just have different circumstances that affect them differently from yours.

Second of all : although some things will be harder for you than others (and those things will probably happen sooner or later), there’s always hope for change. Things always get better as time goes on, if it doesn’t sound like it right now.

Maybe it won’t be so bad tomorrow… or next year… or even ten years from now, when we’re all old ladies sitting in our rocking chairs, reminiscing about how much fun we used to have together when life was simpler.

So, it is better to wake up our mind to see the truth/ the reality of the life .

Sometimes you are the one who has more advantages than someone else, and it seems unfair that people judge your success as your own doing and their failure as a result of their own shortcomings.

We all have different circumstances. Some people are born into more fortunate situations than others, and some are in less fortunate situations, but we all have to deal with what we’re dealt with in life. We don’t make our own luck or misfortune; it’s just part of being human.

Remember not only you, many people struggle with the question of why life is so unfair. They may feel that they have been dealt a bad hand, that they face more challenges than others, or that they are victims of fate or circumstance. But is life really unfair, or is it just our perception of it?

One way to approach this question is to consider the concept of fairness itself. What does it mean for something to be fair? How do we measure fairness? Who decides what is fair and what is not? These are not easy questions to answer, and different people may have different opinions and values. Another way to approach this question is to recognize that life is not a single entity but a complex and dynamic system of interconnected events, choices, and consequences.

Life is not something that happens to us, but something that we participate in and influence. We cannot control everything that happens in life, but we can control how we respond to it. We can choose to see life as a series of opportunities and challenges rather than as a series of obstacles and injustices.

Life is not fair or unfair; it is what we make of it. We can choose to focus on the positive aspects of life, such as our strengths, our passions, our relationships, and our goals. We can also choose to learn from the negative aspects of life, such as our mistakes, our failures, our setbacks, and our losses. We can use these experiences as sources of growth, resilience, and wisdom.

Life is not a competition or a comparison; it is a journey and a discovery. We can choose to appreciate the diversity and uniqueness of life rather than judge or envy others. We can also choose to celebrate our own achievements and contributions, rather than diminish or undermine them. We can use these moments as sources of joy, gratitude, and fulfillment.

We must live with the fact that life will not always be fair, no matter how hard we try. There are many people out there who have it worse than you do. This is just a fact of life that we must accept as we grow older and face the challenges and struggles of adulthood.

Life is not always as fair as you’d expect. You can’t change that. But you can change how you respond to it. Sometimes things indeed happen in life that make you wonder, “Why is life so unfair to me?” or feel angry, sad, or frustrated. But if we learn to focus on what makes us happy instead of what doesn’t, then those experiences become opportunities for growth instead of obstacles to it.

If you’re feeling down about life being unfair, don’t focus on the negatives. Instead, focus on what makes you happy and positive, and let those feelings carry you through your day. You may not be able to change what happens around us, but we can sure as heck change our own reactions towards them, and that will help us feel better in any situation.

It’s easy to get caught up in the feeling that life is unfair, but it’s important to remember that you have the power to create your own path. Some of the most essential steps are learning how to take control, identifying the views and beliefs that you want to live by, and taking the time to develop practices that will help you self-regulate your emotions and create positive change .

• Life is NOT FAIR. It NEVER Will Be. It’s OK. – YouTube video
• 7 reasons why life isn’t fair and how to be better at accepting it.
• ABOUT NEW YORK; Life Is Unfair, but Not Always Tragic – New York Times Magazine
• The Paradox of Choice – Book by Barry Schwartz

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2 thoughts on “12 Reasons Why is life so Unfair: Exploring Life’s Injustices”

Most of what you write is wrong. Life is unfair. That’s the first one. Although when taken as a simplification, you can let that one pass. As I don’t want to write a long clarification, I’ll keep it very concise by only writing the broad concept. Life is what happens and that can never be fair or unfair. It happens. Only when you define life as concept as the results of people’s actions, then certainly and without a doubt, life is unfair. Because people are incredibly unfair. And they are because it benefits themselves. When a situation presents itself where someone will benefit from being fair, then they will be fair. Will you then say that life is fair? Of course not. Life is perceived as unfair because the overwhelming majority of human interaction is so that someone will benefit by treating another person unfairly. It is rare that one will benefit by treating others fairly. So, no, life is not unfair or fair for that matter, it’s just life. It happens. It’s people who are overwhelmingly unfair ( and it’s not 60-40 or even 80-20, its 99,9-0.1) .

“Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate your perspective on life and fairness. While it’s true that life can be unpredictable and people can be unfair, I believe that we can still strive to make the world a better place by treating others with kindness and respect. It’s important to remember that our actions have consequences and can impact others in ways we may not realize. That’s how our lives become unfair.

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Theresa Boedeker

Unwrapping life with words...

in Blog · Hardships and Trials

When Life Is Not Fair: 6 Things You Can Do About It

Believing that life is supposed to be “fair,” can lead to disappointment and heartache. Life may not be fair, but here are 6 things we can do about it.

Life is not fair.

If my mom said it once, she said it a million times when I was growing up.

We would whine, and she would say, “Life is not fair.”

We would compare what we could do with what a peer of ours could do, and she would say, “Haven’t I told you, life isn’t fair.”

We would try and get her to change her mind. And you guessed it, she’d say, “No matter what you think, life isn’t fair.”

It just wasn’t fair how often she used that excuse.

But it did drill into me that life is not fair.

Is life fair or unfair?

What do you think?

It might depend on where you are. How life is going for you right now. Or If your want list is currently short or long.

As kids, we want life to be fair. Even better than fair, if it lands in our favor.

We want to be treated the same, or perhaps better than our siblings.

If we have to eat our vegetables, we want our siblings to have to do the same.

If we had to wait until a certain age to stay up past eight o’clock, it just doesn’t seem fair if our younger sibling gets the same privilege a year earlier than we did.

If we are disciplined in school for passing notes, and then another student is caught and let off the hook, we feel the unfairness of it all. It stings, like wine on a scrapped knee. We also usually remember it years later.

If one sibling gets a BIGGER piece of pie than us, well, that’s far from fair. This is why sometimes the ruler is pulled out at dessert time.

If we practice to get on the basketball team and play just as good as a teammate, and they get on the team because their dad is the coach, and we are passed over and sit on the bench the whole season, we feel the throb of unfairness.

When we get picked on by the class bully, and other kids don’t, it doesn’t seem fair.

And it doesn’t end when we become adults. We still feel and notice the unfairness of life.  

Even as adults, life can be unfair.

Wanting things to be fair doesn’t stop just because we grow up and take more control of our lives.

We still find plenty of unfair things.

When others are getting married, and we are still the bridesmaid, we wonder where fairness has hiden.

If we have to work long and hard for our money, it seems unfair that some were born into wealth.

We look around and see some people have more talents than us, or the ones we want to order for ourselves, the unfairness is hard to swallow.

When we see those younger, better looking, more charming stepping over us on the ladder of upward mobile life, we can get bitter.

As we swipe through social media at the perfect portrayals and staged lives of strangers and friends, it can seem unfair.

If we look at the success of our peers and don’t see the hard work and years they put into their direction, envy may cloud our emotions.

When our friends are having babies, vacations, and new homes, and we have not, it is hard to be thankful and think life is equal.

It can seem unfair when you are the responsible one in the family that helps everyone, while the other members go on their merry way and do what they want.

When we get a life illness, what is fair about that?

Yes, life can sting at times. We don’t live that many years as an adult before realizing that the playing field is not fair, and that chance and luck are not equal opportunists.

The competition of life is not fair. Get used to it.

Part of growing up, is realizing that life is not fair. It will never be.

Even if we tried to make life fair — equal everything — there would be people complaining that it wasn’t fair for them.

If we were tasked with making each serving of life fair, pulling out the ruler, the level, the square, and the scale, after we divvied up the pieces, handed them out, someone would complain. Someone would consider their portion unfair.

And if we were on the receiving end and someone else was portioning our slice, we may also yell unfair and foul.

There just is no pleasing everyone and making things fair. Ask a mother.

The sooner we realize that life is not fair, and stop expecting it to be fair, the better our attitude will be.

Believing the lie that ‘life is supposed to be fair’ can lead to heartache and many other things like:

• unforgiveness
• not taking responsibility for our own choices and behaviors
• victim mentality
• ingratitude
• blaming and excuse making
• not loving others
• pity parties
• fear and worry

Is our definition of fairness skewed?

Will life ever be fair? According to us?

The answer is no. Never.

Even if we look at fairness in God’s economy, there seems unfairness, according to our human standards.

Let’s just peek at the life of Christ.

Was it fair that the Lord of Lords was born in a stable?

That others thought him a lunatic, a troublemaker, and sabbath breaker?

That his enemies were constantly trying to trip him up, envious of him, despised him, and misunderstood him and his purpose?

Do his parables portray perfect fairness? How about the parable of the vineyard where all the workers get the same wage no matter how many hours they work? Or the parable of the prodigal son being welcomed home and a feast thrown for him? Was it fair in the parable of the talents that the same amount was not given to each?

Was it fair that the thief hanging on the cross next to him was welcomed and saved?

Was it fair that Jesus was tortured for deeds he did not do?

Was it fair that he died for sins he did not commit?

Jesus knows all about unfairness. He knows all about living in an unfair world.

How to live in an unfair world.

What option do we have, but to live in an unfair world?

How do we make the best of living in a world that is not fair?

1. Acknowledge that life is not fair according to our standards and never will be. Release your expectations of life being fair and realize it is not. The sooner we realize this, the happier we will be.

2. Stop comparing yourself with others. Do your best. Use your talents. Acknowledge where you have come from, what you have accomplished, and stop comparing yourself to others.

3. Realize that life is not a race. We are all in different lanes. Have different talents. Backgrounds. Hindrances. Connections. When we realize we are not alike and don’t need to be, we can appreciate our differences and rejoice with those who have more and help those with less.

4. Understand that our standards and views of “fair” are skewed. God looks at fairness much differently than we do.

He may give us different talents, but we all have equal access to him. He lives in all his children. Loves each of us. Died for all. Gives us what we don’t deserve. And the same rules and conditions apply to us, no matter our age, height, finger dexterity, or hair color.

5. Be thankful for what you have. Gratitude and thankfulness help us appreciate the many blessings we already have and help keep us from getting bitter and envious . 

6. Take joy in knowing that God knows you intimately and wants what is best for you. He always gives us more than we deserve.

Don’t fall for the lie that life should be fair.

Thinking life should be fair,  keeps us focused on what we don’t have, instead of appreciating all we do have.

Thanks for stopping by. Keep remembering what’s important.

Discussion question: How has life not being fair tripped you up? Or when did you realize life was unfair?

May link up at  Crystal Storms  (#HeartEncouragement),  Maree Dee  (#Grace & Truth),  Anita Ojeda  (#inspirememonday),  InstaEncouagements  ((IE Link-Up), and  Jeanne Takenaka  (#tellhisstory).

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Reader interactions.

April 8, 2021 at 6:13 am

GREAT POST! The sooner we realize that life isn’t fair & trust that only Jesus can make things right, the more joy we will have.

April 8, 2021 at 9:05 am

Yes. When we think life is not fair, it does rob our joy. We never have as much as we think we should have.

April 8, 2021 at 7:28 am

My mother often said those same words as well, Theresa. I didn’t realize the wisdom in them until I was no longer living at home with childish ideas of what “fair” meant. This is a great post and I LOVE the photos of the spring flowers!! I have some of those in our yard as well.

Have a blessed day!

April 8, 2021 at 9:08 am

Wise mothers help us out, don’t they? It is easy as mothers to want to make life fair for our kids, but no one else will be so inclined. Enjoy spring and your flowers, Pam. I am so happy Spring is well on its way.

April 8, 2021 at 11:40 am

Theresa, I’ve definitely fallen into the trap of groaning that life isn’t fair. one thing God has reminded me of is that I only see part of the picture of others’ lives. When I see someone who has something I wish I had, I don’t know the cost of that thing on their lives, how difficult their lives are. I don’t see beyond what others show. I’ve learned to stop wanting life to be fair. I love each of your points, but especially #5 and #6. They are so crucial to maintaining a healthy mindset about life.

April 8, 2021 at 2:12 pm

Great wisdom, Jeanne, to remember that we only see pat of the picture of other people’s lives. All of us have a story that includes hard and bad parts. We are only seeing a portion of the whole and rarely learn what something cost them.

April 8, 2021 at 1:14 pm

Another wonderful, thoughtful post, Theresa. Christ teaches us a lot of things. I never thought about him teaching us how to deal with unfairness in life. Your mom was right – life isn’t always fair (my mom had a similar saying). Children have an innate sense of fairness built in. It is only later in life we learn to accept the unfairness with grace. We should be thankful for our abundant and totally undeserved grace and our many blessings.

April 8, 2021 at 2:22 pm

Hi Laurie, young children do have an innate sense of fairness. It sometimes hurt me as a mom to explain to a child that no, something was not fair. There was nothing I could do to make it fair, nor could anyone else. But God did see the unfairness and would one day right it. Christ came to show us how to live in an unfair world and “accept the unfairness with grace” (love how you said that). With God in the picture, we have much more than our fair share of undeserved blessings and grace.

April 9, 2021 at 3:23 pm

This is such an interesting perspective, Theresa. When our eyes are on ourselves and others, we tend to be selfish, judgmental, and whiny as you stated in the beginning of your article. When our eyes are on Him and our heart is thinking of things above, we love, serve and freely give as unto Him. Perspective changes everything!

Your article reminds me of the book by Admiral McRaven, called, ‘Make Your Bed – Little things that can change your life…and make the world.’ He also gave a twenty minute commencement address at the University of Texas at Austin in 2014 which the book was based on. You can watch his speech on YouTube; he reflects your mother’s thoughts on life not being fair, so get over it.

April 9, 2021 at 10:08 pm

hi Lisa. I have learned that I cannot change others or many circumstances, but I can change my perspective. That is one thing I can control. Changing my perspective can change everything. Thanks for the book and YouTube recommendation. Great title for a book.

April 11, 2021 at 11:23 am

When I think of how I have been saved from the consequences of my foolish decisions in the past, and others who’ve had to suffer for less, I realize that life is not fair and I wouldn’t be here without mercy and grace.

April 12, 2021 at 10:04 am

So true, Corinne. If life was as fair as we want it to be, we would be surprised by how bad off we would be. We have so many things we take for granted and that are mercies and graces from above. For example, should the sun shine on those who do not appreciate it? We take so much for granted and think we deserve it or we are owed it.

April 12, 2021 at 9:30 am

It so easy to get caught up in the fairness of it all—or unfairness. I love, love, love your point that if things were perfectly fair, we would not have the opportunity to accept the beautiful and undeserved gift of grace. Lovely post, Theresa!

April 12, 2021 at 10:05 am

Thanks Ashley. God always give so much more than we need and deserve.

April 12, 2021 at 4:33 pm

Especially appreciated the point that God looks at fairness much differently than we do. No doubt part of the reason for that is our lack of understanding. As humans we can see so little; God sees the past and the future, the depths of each person’s soul and their personal needs, etc. Thank you for this perspective, Theresa!

April 12, 2021 at 8:35 pm

I do agree, that God sees so much more than us and so fairness is different for him than what we think and see. I will take his fairness any day.

April 12, 2021 at 8:26 pm

Okay, this is just what I needed to read, Theresa! I’ve been bemoaning an “unfair” narrative about a particular situation and it’s time to accept it and let it go. 🙂 Thanks, friend.

April 12, 2021 at 8:37 pm

So glad to help, Lisa. So often we do need to let it go. Especially when we have no control over it. Wishing you success, friend.

April 13, 2021 at 8:09 am

I have heard those words often too, when I was growing up. A counsellor once told me I have a deep sense of justice so when things are not fair to me, my mental health is also affected. Learning to let go and let God is necessary! Great post!

April 13, 2021 at 12:57 pm

Yes, Lynn, that makes sense. Some people have a deeper sense of justice and expect things to be more fair. It is so good to learn about ourselves and then know where we need to trust God more.

April 13, 2021 at 11:41 am

It’s so important to remember that we are all equal in God’s eyes! That makes it easier to understand God’s economy. It also helps me remember to not compare myself to others.

April 13, 2021 at 12:59 pm

Hi Anita! It is comforting to know that God loves us equally. None of us are out of his circle of love.

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The Power of a Slight Smile

The 10 benefits of a slight smile are powerful. And the opportunities to employ this technique are endless.   Do...

What We Get Wrong About Manifesting

F or years, I allowed my environment to dictate the terms of my life, and I didn’t believe I could produce any meaningful change. This is so often the case when we experience trauma: the pain and shock of the experience take on an exaggerated authority in our minds that is difficult to challenge and frightening to confront. This pain is powerful enough to alter not only our own genes, but, as researchers in the field of epigenetics have discovered , the genes of subsequent generations.

Our minds and bodies organize around preparations to prevent a similar trauma from happening in the future, and in the process, our consciousness becomes caught in reacting to a frightening and unreliable external world, rather than envisioning the changes we can make. In the process, we give away the energy, attention, and focus we ourselves possess to make a real difference in our own lives; we are distracted away from our own power. And without knowing it, we trade our innate self-agency for magical thinking.

It’s a raw deal. And there is oftentimes no one to blame. The good news is that we now have insights into how powerful our mind is and most importantly through neuroscience how we can create the life we want. Fundamentally, we are claiming our self-agency and recognizing the power of neuroplasticity. In lay terms, we are manifesting.

The world can indeed be starkly unfair, and this unfairness can shatter a person’s dreams. And as unfair as I once perceived the world to be, I know today that countless other human beings in this world are treated with greater injustice, on both the individual and systemic levels. The societies they live in have created structural roadblocks to their ability to manifest, whether due to their race, social class, religion, sexual orientation, gender expression, or other arbitrary criteria. Manifesting is not a cure or a fix for all suffering. Like all human activity, it is often limited by countless factors beyond our control and reality, regardless of our intention.

Thus, I see manifesting as, at its heart, a practice of well-being, engagement with the world and living a good life. By practicing it, we cultivate “dispositional optimism,” defined as a generalized tendency to expect good outcomes across important life domains. Research has shown a staggering number of health benefits associated with dispositional optimism, from improvements in cardiovascular health, to how quickly wounds heal, to slower disease progression.

Where some may believe that the only measure of a successful manifestation is the material results it delivers, I consider this view to be misguided. The true gift of visualizing our intention again and again is to go through life with a buoyant sense that things will work out for us which liberates us to be both responsive and resilient no matter what our external circumstances bring.

For years, manifesting has long been confined to the same New Age territory as astrology, visions of angels, and reincarnation, full of pseudoscience and platitudes. But, in fact, the practice of manifestation dates back thousands of years. Much of what we associate today with manifesting derives from the Vedic scriptures of the Hindu tradition. In the Mundaka Upanishad, for example, it states, “Whatever world a man of pure understanding envisages in his mind and whatever desires he cherishes, that world he conquers and those desires he obtains” (3.1.10). The Buddha similarly commented on the powerful ability of thoughts to shape our experience of the world when he said, “Whatever a monk keeps pursuing with his thinking and pondering, that becomes the inclination of his awareness.”

Until recently, it was not possible to scientifically study the concrete processes by which the brain turns intention into reality. But significant developments in brain imaging have revolutionized our ability to watch the brain transform on a cellular, genetic, and even molecular level. We can now speak about manifestation in terms of cognitive neuroscience and the function of large-scale brain networks. This has allowed us to demonstrate that manifesting is neither a get-rich-quick scheme nor a misguided wish-fulfillment system, but part of the brain’s extraordinary ability to change, heal, and remake itself known as "neuroplasticity."

Neuroplasticity is the general umbrella term for the brain's ability to modify, change, and adapt both structure and function throughout life and in response to experience. This superpower, molded by experience, repetition, and intention, enables the brain to form new circuits, and to prune away old ones which no longer serve us. By redirecting our attention, we can literally change our brains, creating more gray matter in the very areas that help us learn, perform, and make our dreams come true. As the brain adapts, it makes alterations which can produce dramatic and positive effects on everything from Parkinson’s disease, to chronic pain, to ADHD. And the same neuroplasticity is the engine by which we change our minds and brains through the power of our intention to manifest the reality we envision through practice.

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Manifesting is essentially the process of intentionally embedding the thoughts and images of the life we desire into our subconscious allowing various cognitive brain networks to be activated and work in sync. We are all manifesting the intentions stored within our minds in some form already in an untrained and uninformed way and the results are often haphazard, vague, and unfocused at best. To manifest consciously, we must reclaim our inner power to direct our attention. In the process, we must also learn how to harness that power by understanding how it involves us as a species, the physiological mechanisms that allow us to do so as well as the obstacles and false beliefs that limit our power. When we consciously direct our attention towards our desired goals, the images we evoke become important to the brain. The way the images get installed is through a process called “value tagging,” the brain’s way of deciding what is significant enough to be imprinted at the deepest levels of the subconscious.

When we practice visualization, we conjure powerful positive emotions, and these cue the “selective attention” system like a filing clerk to tag the images we desire as highly valuable and associate them with our reward system. Visualization works because, amazingly, the brain does not distinguish between an actual physical experience and one that is intensely imagined.

Once the images are installed in our subconscious, our brain works like a bloodhound to seek opportunities to bring them about in reality, putting the full force of our conscious and subconscious minds behind the search. As the opportunities arise, we notice them and respond, taking the necessary action to further our goal. We repeat this process many, many times and then, we let go of the attachment to the outcome and let things take their natural course.

Adapted with permission from MIND MAGIC by James R. Doty, MD, published by Avery, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright © 2024 by James R. Doty, MD.

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The Many Facets of Freedom: a Contemporary Interpretation

This essay about the multifaceted nature of freedom examines its personal, social, and political dimensions. It portrays personal freedom as the autonomy to make choices that shape individual identity and happiness, highlighting the inherent responsibility that accompanies these choices. On a social level, the essay discusses freedom as the equal opportunity for all individuals to succeed, emphasizing the ongoing challenges in achieving true social equity. Politically, freedom is presented as the cornerstone of democracy, essential for fostering civic participation and safeguarding against tyranny. The global perspective reveals that interpretations of freedom vary widely across cultures, yet all share a common underpinning in human dignity. Overall, the essay argues that understanding and practicing freedom involves balancing personal liberties with social responsibilities to ensure a just society.

How it works

Freedom is one of those big, broad terms that everyone seems to understand, but not everyone agrees on what it truly means. It’s like asking folks what their favorite food is—answers will vary wildly depending on who you ask, where they’re from, and their personal experiences. So, let’s dive into what freedom means across different slices of life and why it’s such a rich, complex topic.

First off, let’s talk about freedom on a personal level.

Think of it as the space to be yourself. It’s about making choices in your life without someone breathing down your neck, telling you what to do, who to be, or how to act. Whether it’s choosing your career, who to love, or simply picking out your outfit in the morning, these freedoms shape our identity and our happiness. But with great power comes great responsibility, right? Our choices impact others, and that’s where the concept of freedom gets tricky. It’s a balancing act between doing your own thing and not stepping on anyone else’s toes.

Then there’s the social aspect. In a well-oiled society, freedom means fairness—kind of like having ground rules that everyone plays by so that no one gets an unfair advantage. It’s about having the same chances as the next person to lead a successful and fulfilling life. This translates to equal opportunities in jobs, education, and access to services like healthcare. But we all know that society sometimes stumbles, and not everyone starts the race from the same line, which makes achieving true social freedom a constant work in progress.

Politically, freedom is a headline-grabber. It’s the backbone of any democracy worth its salt. We’re talking about the right to speak your mind, to gather, to disagree, and to worship as you please. These freedoms are crucial because they allow us to shape our society and hold those in power accountable. Yet, these freedoms aren’t just handed out—they’re hard-won and must be guarded tirelessly against those who would rather we didn’t speak so freely.

Looking at freedom from a global viewpoint adds even more layers. What constitutes freedom in one part of the world can be completely different in another. In some places, personal freedom might be about individual rights and self-expression, while in others, the community’s well-being might lead the charge, emphasizing collective success over individual gains.

But at the heart of it all, across all these perspectives, is a common thread: human dignity. The idea that everyone deserves to live a life free from undue hardship and suppression is a universal cornerstone of freedom. This is what has fueled countless struggles throughout history, from revolutions to rights movements.

So, what does freedom really mean? It’s a tapestry of rights, responsibilities, and respect—woven together by the choices we make as individuals and as a society. It’s about striking a balance where personal liberty meets social responsibility. And while the concept of freedom is constantly evolving, its essence remains tied to the pursuit of a life where dignity, fairness, and respect are not just ideals, but realities.

Just a heads up, this reflection is just a starting point. If you’re digging deeper into what freedom means or trying to pin down an academic angle, you might want to get some expert help. Websites like EduBirdie are good spots to get personalized help to ensure your writing is on point and meets all the academic standards.

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It's Not Fair! But What Is Fairness?

Three different ideas of fairness: sameness, deservedness, and need..

Posted May 11, 2012 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

Every parent has heard the howl: It’s not fair! And on the political level, Occupy Wall Street and the Tea Party make the same claim: It’s not fair. But what does it mean to be fair? What is fairness, after all?

Is it fair that all seniors, regardless of income, get senior discounts? Is it fair that a few spread out in first-class while others sit cramped in economy seats? Is it fair that additional money be spent on specially designed playground equipment for a few handicapped children?

Here are three different ideas about what we mean by fairness:

1. Sameness: There is the fairness where everything is equal. So everyone pays the same price for a theater ticket, whether a child, an adult or a senior citizen. No one has more than another. Everyone eats or no one does, for example. Logically, then, an infant and an adolescent will receive the same amount of food. It doesn’t matter that one needs more than the other. Fairness is finding the average and applying it across the board. This is fairness as equality of outcome.

2. Deservedness: In this notion of fairness you get what you deserve. If you work hard, you succeed and keep all that you earn. Fairness means keeping what you deserve and deserving nothing if it isn’t earned. The hardest working, most diligent, smartest, and most talented should have more because of their attributes; the lazy, indifferent, stupid, and inept deserve to have less. Fairness is a rational calculation. This is fairness as individual freedom.

3. Need: The third idea of fairness is that those who have more to give should give a greater percentage of what they have to help others who are unable to contribute much, if anything at all. Fairness here takes into account the facts that humans have obligations to one another and the more one has the more is demanded of that person to contribute to the common good. Fairness and responsibility are linked. Compassion plays a role in the calculation of fairness. This is fairness as social justice.

The complexities and differences in definitions of fairness are revealed every day in school systems. Should schools spend the same on every child, as implied by fairness #1? Or should the budget provide more money and resources for the brightest and most talented, as implied by fairness #2? Another option, one that increasingly dominates spending in education , is to allocate the greatest resources to children with the greatest needs (special education), as implied by fairness #3.

So where should public funds be spent? Should schools be concerned with average children, children with the greatest potential, or those with the greatest need? Arguments can be made for any one of the three approaches to education or for the distribution of any of society’s goods and services, each using the concept of fairness.

As with many critical ethical values, one approach can’t address all relevant concerns. While mix-and-match may drive some philosophers to distraction, it is the right mixture, the constant tinkering, that presents the best chance of arriving at better solutions.

Ideologues believe that only their notion of fairness is correct. And it is that intransigence—the assuredness of ideologues who won't admit the legitimacy of other definitions—that has so polarized politics today in America.

Arthur Dobrin, DSW, is Professor Emeritus of University Studies, Hofstra University and Leader Emeritus, Ethical Humanist Society of Long Island. He is the author of more than 25 books, including The Lost Art of Happiness and Teaching Right from Wrong .

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Fast Food Forever: How McHaters Lost the Culture War

“Super Size Me” helped lead a backlash against McDonald’s. Twenty years on, the industry is bigger than ever.

Credit... Ben Wiseman

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By Brian Gallagher

• May 12, 2024

The camera zooms in on a large woman, sitting on a cooler at the beach. It cuts to a shirtless man, also quite large, his face blurred out. The next shot shows another overweight man, sitting on a beach towel with plastic grocery bags arrayed in front of him.

“America has now become the fattest nation in the world. Congratulations,” a voice narrates. “Nearly 100 million Americans are today either overweight or obese.” At the end of this soliloquy, the opening credits roll — accompanied by Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.”

So begins “ Super Size Me ,” which was released 20 years ago this month.

Directed by and starring Morgan Spurlock, the bootstrapped, lo-fi documentary was a smash hit, grossing more than $22 million on a $65,000 budget. Following Mr. Spurlock as he ate nothing but McDonald’s for 30 days — and the ill effects that diet had on his health — the film became the high-water mark in a tide of sentiment against fast food. McDonald’s, specifically, became a symbol for the glossy hegemony of American capitalism both at home and abroad.

“McJobs” became a term for low-paying, dead-end positions, “McMansions” for garish, oversize houses. In 1992, the political theorist Benjamin Barber used the term “McWorld” as shorthand for emergent neoliberal dominance; seven years later, protesters against the World Trade Organization seemed to agree, launching a newspaper box through a McDonald’s window during the “Battle of Seattle” marches.

Two years after that, Eric Schlosser’s “ Fast Food Nation ” was published. A broad indictment of the entire fast-food industry, the best seller accused the industry of being bad for the environment, rife with labor issues, culturally flattening and culinarily fattening.

That last point was the primary focus for Mr. Spurlock’s stunt. Awareness was raised, alarms were sounded and nightly news segments ensued. Six weeks after the film’s release, McDonald’s discontinued its Super Size menu, though a company spokesman said at the time that the film had “nothing to do with that whatsoever.”

It would have been easy to call the cultural moment a brand crisis for fast food.

But two decades later, not only is McDonald’s bigger than ever, with nearly 42,000 global locations, but fast food in general has boomed. There are now some 40 chains with more than 500 locations in the United States. Fast food is the second-largest private employment sector in the country, after hospitals, and 36 percent of Americans — about 84 million people — eat fast food on any given day. The three major appeals of fast food remain intact: It’s cheap, it’s convenient and people like the way it tastes.

“I used to own shares of McDonald’s,” said Jay Zagorsky , a professor at Boston University’s Questrom School of Business who has studied fast food in America. “Around the time of ‘Super Size Me,’ I sold off the shares, and now I’m saying to myself why? That was one of the greatest stocks.”

He’s right. The stock price of McDonald’s hit an all-time high in January, and has gone up nearly 1,000 percent since “Super Size Me” came out — nearly twice the return of the S&P 500.

While the sector’s financial performance was largely unaffected, there was a very real image problem, to the point that fast-food companies were compared to Big Tobacco . A big part of that problem had to do with children, who were seen not as informed consumers but rather as victims of their parents’ choices, the industry’s predatory advertising, or both. In fact, the inspiration for “Super Size Me” was a lawsuit filed by two New York City parents against McDonald’s, claiming that the company’s food had made their children severely obese.

In the end, the chains handled the brand crisis with the very tool — their most powerful — that had caused the problem in the first place: marketing.

‘Stop Listening to the Haters’

Historically, fast-food companies have been very astute about marketing to children, realizing decades ago that creating customers early means creating customers for life. At the peak of his fame in the 1980s, Ronald McDonald was in some countries more recognizable to children than Mickey Mouse. In 2000, 90 percent of children ages 6 to 9 visited a McDonald’s in a given month.

But as Frances Fleming-Milici, the director of marketing initiatives at the UConn Rudd Center for Food Policy and Health, put it, “If it’s marketed to children, it’s probably bad for you.”

That became increasingly clear in the mid-2000s. Childhood obesity rates had nearly tripled in 25 years, and the public outcry was growing more urgent. A consortium of large food brands, including McDonald’s, Burger King, PepsiCo and Coca-Cola, tried to get out in front of the problem. They formed the Children’s Food and Beverage Advertising Initiative , and the participating corporations self-imposed limits on advertising to children under 13 (later 12).

In place of that marketing to children, though, the big fast-food chains have found something arguably more potent, with McDonald’s, as ever, leading the way.

“They’re hyperfocusing on what they call fan-favorite moments, trying to essentially identify how we emotionally connect to McDonald’s,” said Kaitlin Ceckowski, who researches fast-food marketing strategies at Mintel, a market research agency. “What ‘human truths’ exist around their brand?”

That “human truths” idea — essentially, the genuine emotional resonance of eating McDonald’s — originated in part from Wieden+Kennedy and the Narrative Group, the two creative agencies that the chain hired in 2019 and 2020.

As W+K New York’s co-chief creative officer, Brandon Henderson, explained to AdAge in March, “When we first started with McDonald’s, they were hesitant to be themselves and had been listening to the haters since the ‘Super Size Me’ documentary. I think the big shift we gave them was to stop listening to the haters and listen to the fans.”

For the agencies, the lodestar of that strategy was the idea that “No matter who you are, everyone has a McDonald’s order.”

A Universal Experience

It turns out that years of saturating American childhood with fast food has paid real dividends. The 6-to-9-year-olds in that 2000 statistic are now younger millennials, among the group with the highest rate of fast-food consumption today. They have a lifetime of memories that connect them to fast-food brands, and to McDonald’s in particular.

All that needed to be done was to connect the power of that comfort and nostalgia to the power of celebrity. Fast food isn’t just cheap, accessible calories; it’s a universal experience. You’re eating the same fries as your idols.

That idea animated a 2020 Super Bowl ad that showed the McDonald’s orders of famous people both real (Kim Kardashian) and not (Dracula). That spot led, in turn, to a phenomenally successful campaign designed around the preferred orders of celebrities. The first of these, the Travis Scott menu, featured the go-to meal of the Houston rapper and doubled sales of Quarter Pounders in the first week. As a result, the market capitalization of McDonald’s went up by $10 billion.

Other chains have followed suit, with partnerships between Megan Thee Stallion and Popeyes, Ice Spice and Dunkin’, Justin Bieber and Tim Hortons, and Lil Nas X and Taco Bell, which named the pop star its “chief impact officer.”

“It’s not directly targeting children, but let’s be clear: The celebrity meals are for BTS, Travis Scott, Cardi B and J Balvin,” said Ms. Ceckowski. “These are people who resonate with younger audiences.”

They are also celebrities who resonate in particular with younger audiences of color, who tend to have higher rates of fast-food consumption than white consumers.

So while the vast majority of fast-food marketing is no longer aimed at children, per se — the ad budget expressly for kids’ meals and healthy menu items represents just 2 percent of the total spending — that only means that children are now going after the menu items they are seeing advertised. According to a Rudd Center study , this means they are simply ordering from the adult menu at a younger age.

In that same study, 20 percent of parents reported buying additional items for their children, which at Wendy’s could mean an order of fries to round out a meal that comes with apple slices, or at McDonald’s a soda to accompany a Happy Meal that now features only milk.

“If you look at where they put their ad dollars, it’s really just the highest-calorie items,” Ms. Fleming-Milici said. “These healthier menu items appear to be a bit of a public relations effort.”

In the age of social media, brands don’t even have to advertise expressly to children anyway, in the way they might have in the past, by buying a slot during Saturday-morning cartoons or on Nickelodeon. On TikTok and Instagram, kids of all ages see the same content we all do.

Younger people are also making content of their own, getting in on the marketing campaigns with thousands of videos of themselves ordering, unwrapping, eating — a sort of advertising Amway .

‘A Form of Civic Participation’

We may be living in a new era of social-media-driven viral marketing in the palms of millennial hands, but what hasn’t really changed is the food.

The Wendy’s Baconator, for instance, was introduced in 2007, three years after “Super Size Me” came out, and it remains one of the chain’s most popular items. A protein conglomeration of a half-pound of beef, six pieces of bacon and two slices of cheese, each burger delivers 1,010 calories and 67 grams of fat.

Burger King offers a triple Whopper, which carries similar nutritional values, even without the optional bacon and cheese. And at Chipotle, a brand often held up as evidence of healthier fast-food tastes, a standard chicken burrito can easily contain 1,100 calories. The classic Big Mac remains basically intact, at a relatively tame 590 calories.

There are still efforts to steer Americans, particularly American children, away from these options. In April, Senators Bernie Sanders, Cory Booker and Peter Welch introduced the Childhood Diabetes Reduction Act , which would ban advertising junk food to children and require stronger health and nutrition warning labels. The law “would take on the greed of the food and beverage industry and address the growing diabetes and obesity epidemics negatively impacting millions of American children and families across the country,” according to a news release from Mr. Sanders.

Fast food may be a tough habit to legislate away, though. In 2016, 91 percent of parents reported buying lunch or dinner for their child in the past week from one of the four biggest chains — a significant increase compared with the 79 percent who did in 2010 and the 83 percent in 2013.

The problem may be that while we are often scolded for eating at these restaurants, we are more often encouraged. There is a vast network of enticement — from huge marketing budgets, to family traditions, to just the tastiness of the meals — that pushes diners toward the drive-through.

In its harsh depiction of American obesity, “Super Size Me” seemed to judge individuals for their failure to resist that machine. But according to Virgie Tovar , who has written books about weight discrimination, that’s an unfair indictment — especially when applied to consumers for whom a trip to McDonald’s might well offer the most accessible version of the American dream.

“People in my generation, and certainly Gen Z, probably aren’t going to be homeowners,” Ms. Tovar said. “Job insecurity is really high. All these markers of what it means to be a successful American are increasingly inaccessible to these younger generations. And I think about the things that are : They’re these cheaper consumer goods, and some of them are food.”

Eating McDonald’s, she said, should be seen as “a form of civic participation — whether we want to admit it or not.”

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