examples of poorly written college essays

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Last updated August 1, 2024

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Blog > Common App , Essay Advice > 9 Biggest College Essay Mistakes

9 Biggest College Essay Mistakes

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Alex McNeil, MA Admissions Consultant

Key Takeaway

Sometimes the best way to learn how to do something is to learn how not to do something.

Learning from the mistakes of others can be one of the most effective ways to improve because you can skip the trouble of making the mistakes yourself.

Some mistakes have minor consequences, but college essay mistakes can seriously hurt your chances of admission. You want to avoid them at all costs.

In this post, I break down nine of the biggest mistakes I see students making when writing their college essays.

These mistakes range the gamut, from college essay themes to tone. By the end of the post, you’ll know exactly what not to do.

Let’s dive in.

Mistake #1: Staying shallow.

College essays aren’t a time to mess around. As I’ve described at length in the college essay writing guide , they are a time to be deeply personal, even vulnerable.

Shallow personal statements tell an admissions officer nothing about who you are as a person or student. They ooze boredom, and an admissions officer is likely to simply skim your essay. A shallow essay is one you can get the gist of pretty quickly because you’ve already read hundreds of essays just like it. It has few to no unique identifiers and makes generic statements about life.

So what does it mean to write vulnerably instead? It means taking your essay beyond a surface-level look at who you are. I recommend doing this by honing in on one or two of your core strengths.

By writing about a strength, you immediately get at one of the central characteristics that makes up who you are. You show an admissions officer something personal about yourself, and you clearly demonstrate how your strength influences the way you interact with the world around you.

College essay writing requires courage to be so personal with readers you’ve never met. But pushing yourself to write meaningfully instead of superficially will have a big payoff.

Mistake #2: Trying to game the system

I said you need to focus on your strengths. But the strengths you choose to highlight in your college essay matter. There are good strengths to highlight and, well, less-good ones.

The main type of "bad strength" I see students regularly talk about (like, in half of the essays I read, especially the ones that come from places like Reddit) are those that focus on achievements or skills. When students write about strengths that are actually covert ways to try to game the system, admissions officers can see right through it.

Often these essays will start out with a false problem: “Oh god, I can't seem to perfectly master my argument for the debate championship!”

Then, they'll proceed to a "revelation" that feels a bit... fake? "Then it hit me: I just needed to allow my creative spirit to work alongside my analytical one!"

Finally, they finish stronger than before: "Now, as a debater who unifies my left and right brains, I am truly capable of anything at the podium."

There are a couple reasons why this doesn't work. First, this kind of essay progression violates the basic rules I laid out in the college essay writing guide about choosing a truly meaningful topic. While debate may be very meaningful to you, the story feels like a convenient way to write about an accomplishment rather than a deep, organic transformation in the way you see or operate in the world. It reads like a vessel to highlight your capacity for self-improvement.

When students write these essays, they’re unwilling to be real about the struggles or meaningful periods in their life. They think schools want to hear neat stories about "overcoming obstacles" or "undergoing self-improvement."

They may seem safe, but they're actually the most damaging essays you can write because they feel ingenuine and fail the main goal of the personal statement: to make you stand out as an individual human being with real experiences to write about.

Don't be this person. Don't try to mind game admissions offices and write an "impressive" essay. Focus on the real but dark stuff, or talk with unbridled enthusiasm about something you love. Always go for real emotions and complexity over a simple, linear narrative that handily resolves itself by the final paragraph.

Mistake #3: Not focusing on yourself

Lots of writers have a tendency when writing about someone (or something) who has played a big role in their life to allow that thing to become the subject of the essay.

I think a grammar lesson here can be helpful. Remember the difference between the subject and the object of a sentence?

Alex used the broom. "Alex" is the subject of the sentence, and "broom" is the object. In this sentence, which is about an action I took, the focus is on me.

Here's a different sentence: "The broom was a perfect instrument for Alex to clean the house." While I'm still the one performing the action here, cleaning the house, the new sentence construction has placed the broom front and center. The sentence is about how good the broom is as a tool. It's no longer about my action.

Analogously, many students will write an essay about a family member, a loved one, or something in their life, which ends up taking the subject position rather than the object position.

A subject-position essay says too much about the person/thing in question, foregrounding them in the essay. An object-position essay, by contrast, foregrounds YOU as the subject and talks about your development using them to illustrate your growth. But you remain at the "beginning of the sentence."

That may be a bit abstract. Ask yourself this question to evaluate whether you need to go back to the drawing board:

If someone I've never met were to read my essay, would they come away with more information about me or about ______?" (With _______ meaning the person or thing that shares the spotlight.)

If the answer is even a close tossup, that's a sign you might need to rethink your approach.

Mistake #4: Getting lost in the sauce

Lots of essays get lost in the sauce. They start off well, maybe giving a long exposé about a topic that connects to the writer's life and development. But then they never bring it home to focus on themselves. They spend half the essay on an extended metaphor about how split pea soup is a major metaphor for personal growth or for the greatest lessons one can learn in life. They revel in the creative writing process but don’t sufficiently personalize their essay.

At the end of the day they may be left with a solid essay with personal elements, but a pretty lousy personal reflection.

You can avoid getting lost in the sauce by forming a plan upfront for your essay and sticking with it.

Try to identify the core strengths and themes that you'll anchor your essay around. Usually, you can do this as soon as you know what story you're going to be telling. Or sometimes, you can even identify the values you want to hit first and then find a meaningful story that fits.

But after you have this basic combination—an idea about your values and a story to encase them in—you can identify the basic "shape" of your story.

A story shape is like an outline, but even less granular. You can think about it as a set of instructions that you'll rely on to make sure your personal essay gets from point A to point B. A basic idea of the direction your essay needs to take will help you avoid situations where you veer hopelessly off course and fail to make a coherent point or narrative.

Don't get lost in the sauce. Don't just start writing stuff. Have a basic plan in place before you start writing and stick to it as faithfully as you can. (Need help formulating your plan? Read the college essay writing guide.)

Mistake #5: Feeling obligated to write about a specific topic

We’ve all heard the conflicting advice. You should write your college essay about your greatest trauma. No, you should write about an academic interest. Wait—no, you should write about an achievement. Maybe the perfect topic is actually a combination: an academic interest that showcases an achievement but actually traumatized you…? Of course not. That’s how ridiculous that advice is.

Forget all of it.

You’re not obligated to write about any specific topic. When an admissions officer opens up your essay, they aren’t sitting on the edge of their office chair saying, “Wow, I hope this one’s about something sad.” or “This person better tell me about their robotics final.” Admissions officers are way too busy for that.

What they are saying is, “I can’t wait to get to know this student.”

The best college essay topic is the one that’s right for you. There’s no shortcut, no hack. What is perfect for you might be the worst choice for someone else. Choosing the right topic is a simple matter of thoughtful reflection on your strengths and experiences.

Mistake #6: Writing something other than a personal statement

A personal statement isn’t an academic essay. It’s not a diary entry or a school newspaper article. It’s probably unlike anything you’ve written before.

Because a personal statement is its own kind of writing, there are specific conventions for you to follow.

In short, your personal statement should…

be strengths-based and communicate something positive about yourself.
have a clear theme or central message.
be written in your authentic voice.
show some level of creative writing and personal reflection.

If your college essay isn’t doing any of these things, then you might consider some revisions. Your personal statement is the centerpiece of your cohesive application narrative , so it's important that it's doing its job.

Mistake #7: Being too negative

One of the biggest issues students have when trying to write about a serious topic is being too negative. This issue is often perpetuated by the idea that your college essay should be about something sad to increase your chances of admission. But this isn’t a good approach.

Don’t get me wrong. Your college essay can definitely be sad, somber, poignant, or difficult. If that’s the story you want and need to tell, then by all means go for it.

But there are many ways to approach essays about hard topics, and some are better than others.

One of the worst ways is to revel in the negative emotions. Whether that means harping on someone you don’t like or hounding your reader with unnecessary sad details, being too negative doesn’t do you any good. You might need to write out all those negative emotions, but they probably shouldn’t make it to your final draft.

Why shouldn’t your essay be too negative? Because it goes against the underlying purpose of a personal statement. Remember that, at the end of the day, your personal statement is intended to get you into college. Lingering on negative emotions also leaves your readers—the admissions officers who decide whether or not to admit you—with negative emotions. They want to see your strength and resilience, so it’s important to end whatever you write on at least a small note of hope. If you don’t feel that you’re ready to do that, then you might explore different topic options.

I’ve written before about u/AdmissionsMom’s concept of “more phoenix, fewer ashes.” The idea is from the mythology of the phoenix, which comes to life from the ashes of the phoenix before it. It essentially means that your essay should focus less on the rough stuff—the ashes—and more on the positive stuff—the new life. This approach is a perfect way to imagine a college essay about a negative topic because it helps you keep the course and write an essay that is ultimately hopeful in its message.

Mistake #8: Bragging too much

On the flip side of being too negative is being too braggadocious. While your college essay should convey a core strength, leaning too far into positive emotions can lead to an essay that sounds inauthentic and braggy.

One of the worst ways you can use your college essay is to restate your resume. Remember that admissions officers can already see your activities section; you don’t need to write an essay that lists all of your accomplishments again. Doing so might even make your accomplishments less impressive because it’ll look like your accomplishments are the only noteworthy thing about you. Similarly, going on and on about why you’re so amazing paints you as a one-dimensional person.

Answering a question about what diversity you bring to a community, for example, by saying something like “I care more than the average person” is akin to answering an interview question about your greatest weakness with something like “I work too hard.”

This approach doesn't work. These essays fall flat because they are boring, inauthentic, and reductive. It goes back to mistake #2. Admissions officers will see right through the brags to the lack of substance underneath.

Instead of writing an essay that brags, write one that is vulnerable and shows the good, bad, and real parts of you and your life. That doesn’t mean that your essay necessarily has to have a negative component, but it’s important to be realistic in how you portray yourself.

If you want to write your personal statement about winning a big essay competition, you wouldn’t say, “I won the competition because I was the best writer in my district. I was born naturally gifted with words, and I know how to write beautifully about anything.” No. You’d write about the effort it took to get there, the emotional work you went through, the care you spent revising and revising again, or the fact that this was the fifth time you’d submitted a piece. While the former is boring (and, frankly, annoying), the latter shows that you’re a whole human being, an interesting person an admissions officer would love to meet.

Mistake #9: Overthinking

It may seem like BS advice to tell you "don't overthink" in a college essay. But I'm gonna say it anyway.

Don't overthink.

If you try to play mind games with admissions officers, anticipating the formula for the perfect college essay, you'll lose. Not because they're smarter than you or better at mind games. There just is no formula for a perfect essay. Go out and read 100 example essays. You'll find merit in each one, and you'll probably notice that each one has an entirely different structure, tone, and emotional arc. Some will be funny, others poignant, some inspirational and others will seem like an indulgent reflection about some niche intellectual topic.

There is no perfect formula for an essay. Heraclitus pointed to the river and said that the only constant was change itself. With college essays, the only constant indicator of quality is your ability to fashion a meaningful story out of your own voice and genuine expression. That's really, really hard to do. But successful essays come from that place—from careful, genuine writing—not from any formula that derives the perfect essay.

When we're working with students, a lot of our time is spent reading between the lines of a resume, listening for moments when students lose themselves in a story. Often, their whole demeanor will change, even though they may not realize it. That's where the pay-dirt lies: in a meaningful story that may or may not have anything to do with your formal accomplishments.

Now you know exactly what not to do in your college essays. Instead of writing surface-level pleasantries that don’t do much for you (and can actually make things worse for you), write authentically about your strengths.

With these mistakes in mind, go forth and write your essays. If you want more information about the right way to approach your college essays, you can find a step-by-step walkthrough in our ultimate guide to college essays .

Liked that? Try this next.

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Bad College Essay Examples and What Not to Write

Duke Chapel sits beyond a freshly manicured lawn at Duke University.

It’s time we let you in on a little secret. Well, it’s not really a secret, as it’s more than obvious to college admissions officers across the country: high school seniors are decidedly bad at writing college essays. Even the students who think they’ve struck gold tend to miss their mark. It’s an epidemic affecting America’s youth, but the international applicants are no exception. Everywhere we turn, we at Ivy Coach encounter students who don’t know the first thing about penning competitive college admissions essays. So, we thought we would share some sample passages representing students’ misguided paths. We will highlight these passages’ many wrong turns to help our readers avoid errors.

Sample Bad College Essays — Where Do They Go Wrong?

Winning the race was a really big accomplishment for me. It made me really proud to stand on the podium and wave to the crowd, surrounded by so many people I love. I’ll never forget that moment. I’ll never forget that win. It taught me so many valuable life lessons about never giving up and about what it takes to succeed. In this way, sports symbolize life.

Where do we even begin? This student’s first mistake was choosing a “ third-rail ” essay topic that will cause admissions officers to glaze over immediately. Sports are a clichéd topic as ever! Unlike what many students and families believe, sports essays don’t demonstrate your commitment to teamwork, dedication, or resilience. They don’t say what kind of student you will be on your future campus. Worst of all, they rob you of the opportunity to expand upon your singular hook !

Your singular hook is a roadmap for admissions officers demonstrating how you will engage with the resources and opportunities of your future campus by continuing to pursue your specific passion, cause, or discipline. Competing in club sports are not a good example of engaging with your future campus, yet your sports-centered essay seems to imply this is what you plan to do once on campus (and even if you’re a recruited athlete, you should avoid writing about sports)!

Moreover, this essay commits another cardinal sin: telling rather than showing. “Sports symbolize life.” How? Tell us more! What does it take to succeed? How have you refused to give up on your life? Instead of answering these questions with compelling anecdotes that tie back to a singular hook, this student has simply emphasized the significance of their big race.

Let’s take a look at another misguided example passage:

Being first chair violin can, at times, be very stressful. If I mess up a note, the whole orchestra can follow my lead. I sit right by the conductor. I am who the audience is looking at. There is so much pressure. And yet I love it. Playing the violin makes me feel alive.

Music is yet another third-rail topic that spells trouble for college applicants. This student has also made the mistake of bragging about their first-chair status while trying to appear humble about the pressures of the role. Admissions officers hate a bragger, even one who tries to conceal their boasts. It’s a bad look that makes you seem predictable, unlikable, and certainly not competitive!

How Ivy Coach Helps Students Steer Clear of Danger and Write Highly Competitive Essays

If you looked at these sample passages and scratched your head at why we found them so lacking, there’s no need to despair. College essays require a delicate balance of compelling prose, colloquial language, and a heartfelt message. They aren’t easy to figure out by yourself!

That’s where Ivy Coach comes in. Our team of former elite college admissions officers will work with you or your child to craft essays that avoid pitfalls while optimizing the odds of admission to a highly selective school. Fill out our complimentary consultation form and we’ll be in touch.

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