college essay on depression example

Essays About Depression: Top 8 Examples Plus Prompts

Many people deal with mental health issues throughout their lives; if you are writing essays about depression, you can read essay examples to get started.

An occasional feeling of sadness is something that everyone experiences from time to time. Still, a persistent loss of interest, depressed mood, changes in energy levels, and sleeping problems can indicate mental illness. Thankfully, antidepressant medications, therapy, and other types of treatment can be largely helpful for people living with depression.

People suffering from depression or other mood disorders must work closely with a mental health professional to get the support they need to recover. While family members and other loved ones can help move forward after a depressive episode, it’s also important that people who have suffered from major depressive disorder work with a medical professional to get treatment for both the mental and physical problems that can accompany depression.

If you are writing an essay about depression, here are 8 essay examples to help you write an insightful essay. For help with your essays, check out our round-up of the best essay checkers .

• 1. My Best Friend Saved Me When I Attempted Suicide, But I Didn’t Save Her by Drusilla Moorhouse
• 2. How can I complain? by James Blake
• 3. What it’s like living with depression: A personal essay by Nadine Dirks
• 4. I Have Depression, and I’m Proof that You Never Know the Battle Someone is Waging Inside by Jac Gochoco
• 5. Essay: How I Survived Depression by Cameron Stout
• 6. I Can’t Get Out of My Sweat Pants: An Essay on Depression by Marisa McPeck-Stringham
• 7. This is what depression feels like by Courtenay Harris Bond

8. Opening Up About My Struggle with Recurring Depression by Nora Super

1. what is depression, 2. how is depression diagnosed, 3. causes of depression, 4. different types of depression, 5. who is at risk of depression, 6. can social media cause depression, 7. can anyone experience depression, the final word on essays about depression, is depression common, what are the most effective treatments for depression, top 8 examples, 1.  my best friend saved me when i attempted suicide, but i didn’t save her  by drusilla moorhouse.

“Just three months earlier, I had been a patient in another medical facility: a mental hospital. My best friend, Denise, had killed herself on Christmas, and days after the funeral, I told my mom that I wanted to die. I couldn’t forgive myself for the role I’d played in Denise’s death: Not only did I fail to save her, but I’m fairly certain I gave her the idea.”

Moorhouse makes painstaking personal confessions throughout this essay on depression, taking the reader along on the roller coaster of ups and downs that come with suicide attempts, dealing with the death of a loved one, and the difficulty of making it through major depressive disorder.

2.  How can I complain?  by James Blake

“I wanted people to know how I felt, but I didn’t have the vocabulary to tell them. I have gone into a bit of detail here not to make anyone feel sorry for me but to show how a privileged, relatively rich-and-famous-enough-for-zero-pity white man could become depressed against all societal expectations and allowances. If I can be writing this, clearly it isn’t only oppression that causes depression; for me it was largely repression.”

Musician James Blake shares his experience with depression and talks about his struggles with trying to grow up while dealing with existential crises just as he began to hit the peak of his fame. Blake talks about how he experienced guilt and shame around the idea that he had it all on the outside—and so many people deal with issues that he felt were larger than his.

3.  What it’s like living with depression: A personal essay   by Nadine Dirks

“In my early adulthood, I started to feel withdrawn, down, unmotivated, and constantly sad. What initially seemed like an off-day turned into weeks of painful feelings that seemed they would never let up. It was difficult to enjoy life with other people my age. Depression made typical, everyday tasks—like brushing my teeth—seem monumental. It felt like an invisible chain, keeping me in bed.”

Dirks shares her experience with depression and the struggle she faced to find treatment for mental health issues as a Black woman. Dirks discusses how even though she knew something about her mental health wasn’t quite right, she still struggled to get the diagnosis she needed to move forward and receive proper medical and psychological care.

4.  I Have Depression, and I’m Proof that You Never Know the Battle Someone is Waging Inside  by Jac Gochoco

“A few years later, at the age of 20, my smile had fallen, and I had given up. The thought of waking up the next morning was too much for me to handle. I was no longer anxious or sad; instead, I felt numb, and that’s when things took a turn for the worse. I called my dad, who lived across the country, and for the first time in my life, I told him everything. It was too late, though. I was not calling for help. I was calling to say goodbye.”

Gochoco describes the war that so many people with depression go through—trying to put on a brave face and a positive public persona while battling demons on the inside. The Olympic weightlifting coach and yoga instructor now work to share the importance of mental health with others.

5.  Essay: How I Survived Depression   by Cameron Stout

“In 1993, I saw a psychiatrist who prescribed an antidepressant. Within two months, the medication slowly gained traction. As the gray sludge of sadness and apathy washed away, I emerged from a spiral of impending tragedy. I helped raise two wonderful children, built a successful securities-litigation practice, and became an accomplished cyclist. I began to take my mental wellness for granted. “

Princeton alum Cameron Stout shared his experience with depression with his fellow Tigers in Princeton’s alumni magazine, proving that even the most brilliant and successful among us can be rendered powerless by a chemical imbalance. Stout shares his experience with treatment and how working with mental health professionals helped him to come out on the other side of depression.

6.  I Can’t Get Out of My Sweat Pants: An Essay on Depression  by Marisa McPeck-Stringham

“Sometimes, when the depression got really bad in junior high, I would come straight home from school and change into my pajamas. My dad caught on, and he said something to me at dinner time about being in my pajamas several days in a row way before bedtime. I learned it was better not to change into my pajamas until bedtime. People who are depressed like to hide their problematic behaviors because they are so ashamed of the way they feel. I was very ashamed and yet I didn’t have the words or life experience to voice what I was going through.”

McPeck-Stringham discusses her experience with depression and an eating disorder at a young age; both brought on by struggles to adjust to major life changes. The author experienced depression again in her adult life, and thankfully, she was able to fight through the illness using tried-and-true methods until she regained her mental health.

7.  This is what depression feels like  by Courtenay Harris Bond

“The smallest tasks seem insurmountable: paying a cell phone bill, lining up a household repair. Sometimes just taking a shower or arranging a play date feels like more than I can manage. My children’s squabbles make me want to scratch the walls. I want to claw out of my own skin. I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is a solitary candle about to blow out at any moment. At the same time, I feel like the pain will never end.”

Bond does an excellent job of helping readers understand just how difficult depression can be, even for people who have never been through the difficulty of mental illness. Bond states that no matter what people believe the cause to be—chemical imbalance, childhood issues, a combination of the two—depression can make it nearly impossible to function.

“Once again, I spiraled downward. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t work. I had thoughts of harming myself. This time, my husband urged me to start ECT much sooner in the cycle, and once again, it worked. Within a matter of weeks I was back at work, pretending nothing had happened. I kept pushing myself harder to show everyone that I was “normal.” I thought I had a pattern: I would function at a high level for many years, and then my depression would be triggered by a significant event. I thought I’d be healthy for another ten years.”

Super shares her experience with electroconvulsive therapy and how her depression recurred with a major life event despite several years of solid mental health. Thankfully, Super was able to recognize her symptoms and get help sooner rather than later.

7 Writing Prompts on Essays About Depression

When writing essays on depression, it can be challenging to think of essay ideas and questions. Here are six essay topics about depression that you can use in your essay.

Depression can be difficult to define and understand. Discuss the definition of depression, and delve into the signs, symptoms, and possible causes of this mental illness. Depression can result from trauma or personal circumstances, but it can also be a health condition due to genetics. In your essay, look at how depression can be spotted and how it can affect your day-to-day life. 

Depression diagnosis can be complicated; this essay topic will be interesting as you can look at the different aspects considered in a diagnosis. While a certain lab test can be conducted, depression can also be diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Research the different ways depression can be diagnosed and discuss the benefits of receiving a diagnosis in this essay.

There are many possible causes of depression; this essay discusses how depression can occur. Possible causes of depression can include trauma, grief, anxiety disorders, and some physical health conditions. Look at each cause and discuss how they can manifest as depression.

There are many different types of depression. This essay topic will investigate each type of depression and its symptoms and causes. Depression symptoms can vary in severity, depending on what is causing it. For example, depression can be linked to medical conditions such as bipolar disorder. This is a different type of depression than depression caused by grief. Discuss the details of the different types of depression and draw comparisons and similarities between them.

Certain genetic traits, socio-economic circumstances, or age can make people more prone to experiencing symptoms of depression. Depression is becoming more and more common amongst young adults and teenagers. Discuss the different groups at risk of experiencing depression and how their circumstances contribute to this risk.

Social media poses many challenges to today’s youth, such as unrealistic beauty standards, cyber-bullying, and only seeing the “highlights” of someone’s life. Can social media cause depression in teens? Delve into the negative impacts of social media when writing this essay. You could compare the positive and negative sides of social media and discuss whether social media causes mental health issues amongst young adults and teenagers.

This essay question poses the question, “can anyone experience depression?” Although those in lower-income households may be prone to experiencing depression, can the rich and famous also experience depression? This essay discusses whether the privileged and wealthy can experience their possible causes. This is a great argumentative essay topic, discuss both sides of this question and draw a conclusion with your final thoughts.

When writing about depression, it is important to study examples of essays to make a compelling essay. You can also use your own research by conducting interviews or pulling information from other sources. As this is a sensitive topic, it is important to approach it with care; you can also write about your own experiences with mental health issues.

Tip: If writing an essay sounds like a lot of work, simplify it. Write a simple 5 paragraph essay instead.

FAQs On Essays About Depression

According to the World Health Organization, about 5% of people under 60 live with depression. The rate is slightly higher—around 6%—for people over 60. Depression can strike at any age, and it’s important that people who are experiencing symptoms of depression receive treatment, no matter their age. 

Suppose you’re living with depression or are experiencing some of the symptoms of depression. In that case, it’s important to work closely with your doctor or another healthcare professional to develop a treatment plan that works for you. A combination of antidepressant medication and cognitive behavioral therapy is a good fit for many people, but this isn’t necessarily the case for everyone who suffers from depression. Be sure to check in with your doctor regularly to ensure that you’re making progress toward improving your mental health.

If you’re still stuck, check out our general resource of essay writing topics .

Amanda has an M.S.Ed degree from the University of Pennsylvania in School and Mental Health Counseling and is a National Academy of Sports Medicine Certified Personal Trainer. She has experience writing magazine articles, newspaper articles, SEO-friendly web copy, and blog posts.

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434 Depression Essay Titles & Research Topics: Argumentative, Controversial, and More

Depression is undeniably one of the most prevalent mental health conditions globally, affecting approximately 5% of adults worldwide. It often manifests as intense feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and a loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities. Many also experience physical symptoms like fatigue, sleep disturbances, and appetite changes. Recognizing and addressing this mental disorder is extremely important to save lives and treat the condition.

In this article, we’ll discuss how to write an essay about depression and introduce depression essay topics and research titles for students that may be inspirational.

• 🔝 Top Depression Essay Titles
• ✅ Essay Prompts
• 💡 Research Topics
• 🔎 Essay Titles
• 💭 Speech Topics
• 📝 Essay Structure

🔗 References

🔝 top 12 research titles about depression.

• How is depression treated?
• Depression: Risk factors.
• The symptoms of depression.
• What types of depression exist?
• Depression in young people.
• Differences between anxiety and depression.
• The parents’ role in depression therapy.
• Drugs as the root cause of depression.
• Dangerous consequences of untreated depression.
• Effect of long-term depression.
• Different stages of depression.
• Treatment for depression.

✅ Prompts for Essay about Depression

Struggling to find inspiration for your essay? Look no further! We’ve put together some valuable essay prompts on depression just for you!

Prompt for Personal Essay about Depression

Sharing your own experience with depression in a paper can be a good idea. Others may feel more motivated to overcome their situation after reading your story. You can also share valuable advice by discussing things or methods that have personally helped you deal with the condition.

For example, in your essay about depression, you can:

• Tell about the time you felt anxious, hopeless, or depressed;
• Express your opinion on depression based on the experiences from your life;
• Suggest a way of dealing with the initial symptoms of depression ;
• Share your ideas on how to protect mental health at a young age.

How to Overcome Depression: Essay Prompt

Sadness is a common human emotion, but depression encompasses more than just sadness. As reported by the National Institute of Mental Health, around 21 million adults in the United States, roughly 8.4% of the total adult population , faced at least one significant episode of depression in 2020. When crafting your essay about overcoming depression, consider exploring the following aspects:

• Depression in young people and adolescents;
• The main causes of depression;
• The symptoms of depression;
• Ways to treat depression;
• Help from a psychologist (cognitive behavioral therapy or interpersonal therapy ).

Postpartum Depression: Essay Prompt

The birth of a child often evokes a spectrum of powerful emotions, spanning from exhilaration and happiness to apprehension and unease. It can also trigger the onset of depression. Following childbirth, many new mothers experience postpartum “baby blues,” marked by shifts in mood, bouts of tears, anxiety, and sleep disturbances. To shed light on the subject of postpartum depression, explore the following questions:

• What factors may increase the risk of postpartum depression?
• Is postpartum depression predictable?
• How to prevent postpartum depression?
• What are the symptoms of postpartum depression?
• What kinds of postpartum depression treatments exist?

Prompt for Essay about Teenage Depression

Teenage depression is a mental health condition characterized by sadness and diminishing interest in daily activities. It can significantly impact a teenager’s thoughts, emotions, and behavior, often requiring long-term treatment and support.

By discussing the primary symptoms of teenage depression in your paper, you can raise awareness of the issue and encourage those in need to seek assistance. You can pay attention to the following aspects:

• Emotional changes (feelings of sadness, anger, hopelessness, guilt, etc.);
• Behavioral changes (loss of energy and appetite , less attention to personal hygiene, self-harm, etc.);
• New addictions (drugs, alcohol, computer games, etc.).

💡 Research Topics about Depression

• The role of genetics in depression development.
• The effectiveness of different psychotherapeutic interventions for depression.
• Anti-depression non-pharmacological and medication treatment.
• The impact of childhood trauma on the onset of depression later in life.
• Exploring the efficacy of antidepressant medication in different populations.
• The impact of exercise on depression symptoms and treatment outcomes.
• Mild depression: pharmacotherapy and psychotherapy.
• The relationship between sleep disturbances and depression.
• The role of gut microbiota in depression and potential implications for treatment.
• Investigating the impact of social media on depression rates in adolescents.
• Depression, dementia, and delirium in older people .
• The efficacy of cognitive-behavioral therapy in preventing depression relapse.
• The influence of hormonal changes on depression risk.
• Assessing the effectiveness of self-help and digital interventions for depression.
• Herbal and complementary therapies for depression.
• The relationship between personality traits and vulnerability to depression.
• Investigating the long-term consequences of untreated depression on physical health.
• Exploring the link between chronic pain and depression.
• Depression in the elderly male.
• The impact of childhood experiences on depression outcomes in adulthood.
• The use of ketamine and other novel treatments for depression.
• The effect of stigma on depression diagnosis and treatment.
• The conducted family assessment: cases of depression.
• The role of social support in depression recovery.
• The effectiveness of online support groups for individuals with depression.
• Depression and cognitive decline in adults.
• Depression: PICOT question component exploration .
• Exploring the impact of nutrition and dietary patterns on depression symptoms.
• Investigating the efficacy of art-based therapies in depression treatment.
• The role of neuroplasticity in the development and treatment of depression.
• Depression among HIV-positive women.
• The influence of gender on depression prevalence and symptomatology.
• Investigating the impact of workplace factors on depression rates and outcomes.
• The efficacy of family-based interventions in reducing depression symptoms in teenagers.
• Frontline nurses’ burnout, anxiety, depression, and fear statuses.
• The role of early-life stress and adversity in depression vulnerability.
• The impact of various environmental factors on depression rates.
• Exploring the link between depression and cardiovascular health.
• Depression detection in adults in nursing practice.
• Virtual reality as a therapeutic tool for depression treatment.
• Investigating the impact of childhood bullying on depression outcomes.
• The benefits of animal-assisted interventions in depression management.
• Depression and physical exercise .
• The relationship between depression and suicidal behavior .
• The influence of cultural factors on depression symptom expression.
• Investigating the role of epigenetics in depression susceptibility.
• Depression associated with cognitive dysfunction.
• Exploring the impact of adverse trauma on the course of depression.
• The efficacy of acceptance and commitment therapy in treating depression.
• The relationship between depression and substance use disorders .
• Depression and anxiety among college students .
• Investigating the effectiveness of group therapy for depression.
• Depression and chronic medical conditions.

Psychology Research Topics on Depression

• The influence of early attachment experiences on the development of depression.
• The impact of negative cognitive biases on depression symptomatology.
• Depression treatment plan for a queer patient .
• Examining the relationship between perfectionism and depression.
• The role of self-esteem in depression vulnerability and recovery.
• Exploring the link between maladaptive thinking styles (e.g., rumination, catastrophizing) and depression.
• Investigating the impact of social support on depression outcomes and resilience.
• Identifying depression in young adults at an early stage.
• The influence of parenting styles on the risk of depression in children and adolescents.
• The role of self-criticism and self-compassion in depression treatment.
• Exploring the relationship between identity development and depression in emerging adulthood.
• The role of learned helplessness in understanding depression and its treatment.
• Depression in the elderly .
• Examining the connection between self-efficacy beliefs and depression symptoms.
• The influence of social comparison processes on depression and body image dissatisfaction.
• Exploring the impact of trauma-related disorders on depression.
• The role of resilience factors in buffering against the development of depression.
• Investigating the relationship between personality traits and depression.
• Depression and workplace violence .
• The impact of cultural factors on depression prevalence and symptom presentation.
• Investigating the effects of chronic stress on depression risk.
• The role of coping strategies in depression management and recovery.
• The correlation between discrimination/prejudice and depression/anxiety .
• Exploring the influence of gender norms and societal expectations on depression rates.
• The impact of adverse workplace conditions on employee depression.
• Investigating the effectiveness of narrative therapy in treating depression.
• Cognitive behavior and depression in adolescents .
• Childhood emotional neglect and adult depression.
• The influence of perceived social support on treatment outcomes in depression.
• The effects of childhood bullying on the development of depression.
• The impact of intergenerational transmission of depression within families.
• Depression in children: symptoms and treatments .
• Investigating the link between body dissatisfaction and depression in adolescence.
• The influence of adverse life events and chronic stressors on depression risk.
• The effects of peer victimization on the development of depression in adolescence.
• Counselling clients with depression and addiction.
• The role of experiential avoidance in depression and its treatment.
• The impact of social media use and online interactions on depression rates.
• Depression management in adolescent.
• Exploring the relationship between emotional intelligence and depression symptomatology.
• Investigating the influence of cultural values and norms on depression stigma and help-seeking behavior.
• The effects of childhood maltreatment on neurobiological markers of depression.
• Psychological and emotional conditions of suicide and depression .
• Exploring the relationship between body dissatisfaction and depression.
• The influence of self-worth contingencies on depression vulnerability and treatment response.
• The impact of social isolation and loneliness on depression rates.
• Psychology of depression among college students .
• The effects of perfectionistic self-presentation on depression in college students.
• The role of mindfulness skills in depression prevention and relapse prevention.
• Investigating the influence of adverse neighborhood conditions on depression risk.
• Personality psychology and depression.
• The impact of attachment insecurity on depression symptomatology.

Postpartum Depression Research Topics

• Identifying risk factors for postpartum depression.
• Exploring the role of hormonal changes in postpartum depression.
• “Baby blues” or postpartum depression and evidence-based care .
• The impact of social support on postpartum depression.
• The effectiveness of screening tools for early detection of postpartum depression.
• The relationship between postpartum depression and maternal-infant bonding .
• Postpartum depression educational program results.
• Identifying effective interventions for preventing and treating postpartum depression.
• Examining the impact of cultural factors on postpartum depression rates.
• Investigating the role of sleep disturbances in postpartum depression.
• Depression and postpartum depression relationship .
• Exploring the impact of a traumatic birth experience on postpartum depression.
• Assessing the impact of breastfeeding difficulties on postpartum depression.
• Understanding the role of genetic factors in postpartum depression.
• Postpartum depression: consequences.
• Investigating the impact of previous psychiatric history on postpartum depression risk.
• The potential benefits of exercise on postpartum depression symptoms.
• The efficacy of psychotherapeutic interventions for postpartum depression.
• Postpartum depression in the twenty-first century.
• The influence of partner support on postpartum depression outcomes.
• Examining the relationship between postpartum depression and maternal self-esteem.
• The impact of postpartum depression on infant development and well-being.
• Maternal mood symptoms in pregnancy and postpartum depression.
• The effectiveness of group therapy for postpartum depression management.
• Identifying the role of inflammation and immune dysregulation in postpartum depression.
• Investigating the impact of childcare stress on postpartum depression.
• Postpartum depression among low-income US mothers .
• The role of postnatal anxiety symptoms in postpartum depression.
• The impact of postpartum depression on the marital relationship.
• The influence of postpartum depression on parenting practices and parental stress.
• Postpartum depression: symptoms, role of cultural factors, and ways to support.
• Investigating the efficacy of pharmacological treatments for postpartum depression.
• The impact of postpartum depression on breastfeeding initiation and continuation.
• The relationship between postpartum depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
• Postpartum depression and its identification.
• The impact of postpartum depression on cognitive functioning and decision-making.
• Investigating the influence of cultural norms and expectations on postpartum depression rates.
• The impact of maternal guilt and shame on postpartum depression symptoms.
• Beck’s postpartum depression theory: purpose, concepts, and significance .
• Understanding the role of attachment styles in postpartum depression vulnerability.
• Investigating the effectiveness of online support groups for women with postpartum depression.
• The impact of socioeconomic factors on postpartum depression prevalence.
• Perinatal depression: research study and design.
• The efficacy of mindfulness-based interventions for postpartum depression.
• Investigating the influence of birth spacing on postpartum depression risk.
• The role of trauma history in postpartum depression development.
• The link between the birth experience and postnatal depression .
• How does postpartum depression affect the mother-infant interaction and bonding ?
• The effectiveness of home visiting programs in preventing and managing postpartum depression.
• Assessing the influence of work-related stress on postpartum depression.
• The relationship between postpartum depression and pregnancy-related complications.
• The role of personality traits in postpartum depression vulnerability.

🔎 Depression Essay Titles

Depression essay topics: cause & effect.

• The effects of childhood trauma on the development of depression in adults.
• The impact of social media usage on the prevalence of depression in adolescents.
• “Predictors of Postpartum Depression” by Katon et al.
• The effects of environmental factors on depression rates.
• The relationship between academic pressure and depression among college students.
• The relationship between financial stress and depression.
• The best solution to predict depression because of bullying .
• How does long-term unemployment affect mental health ?
• The effects of unemployment on mental health, particularly the risk of depression.
• The impact of genetics and family history of depression on an individual’s likelihood of developing depression.
• The relationship between depression and substance abuse.
• Child abuse and depression.
• The role of gender in the manifestation and treatment of depression.
• The effects of chronic stress on the development of depression.
• The link between substance abuse and depression.
• Depression among students at Elon University .
• The influence of early attachment styles on an individual’s vulnerability to depression.
• The effects of sleep disturbances on the severity of depression.
• Chronic illness and the risk of developing depression.
• Depression: symptoms and treatment.
• Adverse childhood experiences and the likelihood of experiencing depression in adulthood.
• The relationship between chronic illness and depression.
• The role of negative thinking patterns in the development of depression.
• Effects of depression among adolescents .
• The effects of poor body image and low self-esteem on the prevalence of depression.
• The influence of social support systems on preventing symptoms of depression.
• The effects of child neglect on adult depression rates.
• Depression caused by hormonal imbalance .
• The link between perfectionism and the risk of developing depression.
• The effects of a lack of sleep on depression symptoms.
• The effects of childhood abuse and neglect on the risk of depression.
• Social aspects of depression and anxiety .
• The impact of bullying on the likelihood of experiencing depression.
• The role of serotonin and neurotransmitter imbalances in the development of depression.
• The impact of a poor diet on depression rates.
• Depression and anxiety run in the family .
• The effects of childhood poverty and socioeconomic status on depression rates in adults.
• The impact of divorce on depression rates.
• The relationship between traumatic life events and the risk of developing depression.
• The influence of personality traits on susceptibility to depression.
• The impact of workplace stress on depression rates.
• Depression in older adults: causes and treatment.
• The impact of parental depression on children’s mental health outcomes.
• The effects of social isolation on the prevalence and severity of depression.
• The role of cultural factors in the manifestation and treatment of depression.
• The relationship between childhood bullying victimization and future depressive symptoms.
• The impact of early intervention and prevention programs on reducing the risk of postpartum depression.
• Treating mood disorders and depression .
• How do hormonal changes during pregnancy contribute to the development of depression?
• The effects of sleep deprivation on the onset and severity of postpartum depression.
• The impact of social media on depression rates among teenagers.
• The role of genetics in the development of depression.
• The impact of bullying on adolescent depression rates.
• Mental illness, depression, and wellness issues .
• The effects of a sedentary lifestyle on depression symptoms.
• The correlation between academic pressure and depression in students.
• The relationship between perfectionism and depression.
• The correlation between trauma and depression in military veterans.
• Anxiety and depression during childhood and adolescence .
• The impact of racial discrimination on depression rates among minorities.
• The relationship between chronic pain and depression.
• The impact of social comparison on depression rates among young adults.
• The effects of childhood abuse on adult depression rates.

Depression Argumentative Essay Topics

• The role of social media in contributing to depression among teenagers.
• The effectiveness of antidepressant medication: an ongoing debate.
• Depression treatment: therapy or medications?
• Should depression screening be mandatory in schools and colleges?
• Is there a genetic predisposition to depression?
• The stigma surrounding depression: addressing misconceptions and promoting understanding.
• Implementation of depression screening in primary care .
• Is psychotherapy more effective than medication in treating depression?
• Is teenage depression overdiagnosed or underdiagnosed: a critical analysis.
• The connection between depression and substance abuse: untangling the relationship.
• Humanistic therapy of depression .
• Should ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) be a treatment option for severe depression?
• Where is depression more prevalent: in urban or rural communities? Analyzing the disparities.
• Is depression a result of chemical imbalance in the brain? Debunking the myth.
• Depression: a serious mental and behavioral problem.
• Should depression medication be prescribed for children and adolescents?
• The effectiveness of mindfulness-based interventions in managing depression.
• Should depression in the elderly be considered a normal part of aging?
• Is depression hereditary? Investigating the role of genetics in depression risk.
• Different types of training in managing the symptoms of depression .
• The effectiveness of online therapy platforms in treating depression.
• Should psychedelic therapy be explored as an alternative treatment for depression?
• The connection between depression and cardiovascular health: Is there a link?
• The effectiveness of cognitive-behavioral therapy in preventing depression relapse.
• Depression as a bad a clinical condition.
• Should mind-body interventions (e.g., yoga, meditation) be integrated into depression treatment?
• Should emotional support animals be prescribed for individuals with depression?
• The effectiveness of peer support groups in decreasing depression symptoms.
• The use of antidepressants: are they overprescribed or necessary for treating depression?
• Adult depression and anxiety as a complex problem .
• The effectiveness of therapy versus medication in treating depression.
• The stigma surrounding depression and mental illness: how can we reduce it?
• The debate over the legalization of psychedelic drugs for treating depression.
• The relationship between creativity and depression: does one cause the other?
• Cognitive-behavioral therapy for generalized anxiety disorder and depression .
• The role of childhood trauma in shaping adult depression: Is it always a causal factor?
• The debate over the medicalization of sadness and grief as forms of depression.
• Alternative therapies, such as acupuncture or meditation, are effective in treating depression.
• Depression as a widespread mental condition .

Controversial Topics about Depression

• The existence of “chemical imbalance” in depression: fact or fiction?
• The over-reliance on medication in treating depression: are alternatives neglected?
• Is depression overdiagnosed and overmedicated in Western society?
• Measurement of an individual’s level of depression .
• The role of Big Pharma in shaping the narrative and treatment of depression.
• Should antidepressant advertisements be banned?
• The inadequacy of current diagnostic criteria for depression: rethinking the DSM-5.
• Is depression a biological illness or a product of societal factors?
• Literature review on depression .
• The overemphasis on biological factors in depression treatment: ignoring environmental factors.
• Is depression a normal reaction to an abnormal society?
• The influence of cultural norms on the perception and treatment of depression.
• Should children and adolescents be routinely prescribed antidepressants?
• The role of family in depression treatment .
• The connection between depression and creative genius: does depression enhance artistic abilities?
• The ethics of using placebo treatment for depression studies.
• The impact of social and economic inequalities on depression rates.
• Is depression primarily a mental health issue or a social justice issue?
• Depression disassembling and treating.
• Should depression screening be mandatory in the workplace?
• The influence of gender bias in the diagnosis and treatment of depression.
• The controversial role of religion and spirituality in managing depression.
• Is depression a result of individual weakness or societal factors?
• Abnormal psychology: anxiety and depression case .
• The link between depression and obesity: examining the bidirectional relationship.
• The connection between depression and academic performance : causation or correlation?
• Should depression medication be available over the counter?
• The impact of internet and social media use on depression rates: harmful or beneficial?
• Interacting in the workplace: depression.
• Is depression a modern epidemic or simply better diagnosed and identified?
• The ethical considerations of using animals in depression research.
• The effectiveness of psychedelic therapies for treatment-resistant depression.
• Is depression a disability? The debate on workplace accommodations.
• Polysubstance abuse among adolescent males with depression .
• The link between depression and intimate partner violence : exploring the relationship.
• The controversy surrounding “happy” pills and the pursuit of happiness.
• Is depression a choice? Examining the role of personal responsibility.

Good Titles for Depression Essays

• The poetic depictions of depression: exploring its representation in literature.
• The melancholic symphony: the influence of depression on classical music.
• Moderate depression symptoms and treatment.
• Depression in modern music: analyzing its themes and expressions.
• Cultural perspectives on depression: a comparative analysis of attitudes in different countries.
• Contrasting cultural views on depression in Eastern and Western societies.
• Diagnosing depression in the older population.
• The influence of social media on attitudes and perceptions of depression in global contexts.
• Countries with progressive approaches to mental health awareness.
• From taboo to acceptance: the evolution of attitudes towards depression.
• Depression screening tool in acute settings.
• The Bell Jar : analyzing Sylvia Plath’s iconic tale of depression .
• The art of despair: examining Frida Kahlo’s self-portraits as a window into depression.
• The Catcher in the Rye : Holden Caulfield’s battle with adolescent depression.
• Music as therapy: how jazz artists turned depression into art.
• Depression screening tool for a primary care center.
• The Nordic paradox: high depression rates in Scandinavian countries despite high-quality healthcare.
• The Stoic East: how Eastern philosophies approach and manage depression.
• From solitude to solidarity: collective approaches to depression in collectivist cultures.
• The portrayal of depression in popular culture: a critical analysis of movies and TV shows.
• The depression screening training in primary care.
• The impact of social media influencers on depression rates among young adults.
• The role of music in coping with depression: can specific genres or songs help alleviate depressive symptoms?
• The representation of depression in literature: a comparative analysis of classic and contemporary works.
• The use of art as a form of self-expression and therapy for individuals with depression.
• Depression management guidelines implementation.
• The role of religion in coping with depression: Christian and Buddhist practices.
• The representation of depression in the video game Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice .
• The role of nature in coping with depression: can spending time outdoors help alleviate depressive symptoms?
• The effectiveness of dance/movement therapy in treating depression among older adults.
• The National Institute for Health: depression management.
• The portrayal of depression in stand-up comedy: a study of comedians like Maria Bamford and Chris Gethard.
• The role of spirituality in coping with depression: Islamic and Hindu practices .
• The portrayal of depression in animated movies : an analysis of Inside Out and The Lion King .
• The representation of depression by fashion designers like Alexander McQueen and Rick Owens.
• Depression screening in primary care .
• The portrayal of depression in documentaries: an analysis of films like The Bridge and Happy Valley .
• The effectiveness of wilderness therapy in treating depression among adolescents.
• The connection between creativity and depression: how art can help heal.
• The role of Buddhist and Taoist practices in coping with depression.
• Mild depression treatment research funding sources.
• The portrayal of depression in podcasts: an analysis of the show The Hilarious World of Depression .
• The effectiveness of drama therapy in treating depression among children and adolescents.
• The representation of depression in the works of Vincent van Gogh and Edvard Munch.
• Depression in young people: articles review.
• The impact of social media on political polarization and its relationship with depression.
• The role of humor in coping with depression: a study of comedians like Ellen DeGeneres.
• The portrayal of depression in webcomics: an analysis of the comics Hyperbole and a Half .
• The effect of social media on mental health stigma and its relationship with depression.
• Depression and the impact of human services workers.
• The masked faces: hiding depression in highly individualistic societies.

💭 Depression Speech Topics

Informative speech topics about depression.

• Different types of depression and their symptoms.
• The causes of depression: biological, psychological, and environmental factors.
• How depression and physical issues are connected.
• The prevalence of depression in different age groups and demographics.
• The link between depression and anxiety disorders.
• Physical health: The effects of untreated depression.
• The role of genetics in predisposing individuals to depression.
• What you need to know about depression .
• How necessary is early intervention in treating depression?
• The effectiveness of medication in treating depression.
• The role of exercise in managing depressive symptoms.
• Depression in later life: overview.
• The relationship between substance abuse and depression.
• The impact of trauma on depression rates and treatment.
• The effectiveness of mindfulness meditation in managing depressive symptoms.
• Enzymes conversion and metabolites in major depression.
• The benefits and drawbacks of electroconvulsive therapy for severe depression.
• The effect of gender and cultural norms on depression rates and treatment.
• The effectiveness of alternative therapies for depression, such as acupuncture and herbal remedies.
• The importance of self-care in managing depression.
• Symptoms of anxiety, depression, and peritraumatic dissociation.
• The role of support systems in managing depression.
• The effectiveness of cognitive-behavioral therapy in treating depression.
• The benefits and drawbacks of online therapy for depression.
• The role of spirituality in managing depression.
• Depression among minority groups.
• The benefits and drawbacks of residential treatment for severe depression.
• What is the relationship between childhood trauma and adult depression?
• How effective is transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) for treatment-resistant depression?
• The benefits and drawbacks of art therapy for depression.
• Mood disorder: depression and bipolar .
• The impact of social media on depression rates.
• The effectiveness of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) in treating depression.
• Depression in older people.
• The impact of seasonal changes on depression rates and treatment options.
• The impact of depression on daily life and relationships, and strategies for coping with the condition.
• The stigma around depression and the importance of seeking help.

Persuasive Speech Topics about Depression

• How important is it to recognize the signs and symptoms of depression ?
• How do you support a loved one who is struggling with depression?
• The importance of mental health education in schools to prevent and manage depression.
• Social media: the rise of depression and anxiety .
• Is there a need to increase funding for mental health research to develop better treatments for depression?
• Addressing depression in minority communities: overcoming barriers and disparities.
• The benefits of including alternative therapies, such as yoga and meditation, in depression treatment plans.
• Challenging media portrayals of depression: promoting accurate representations.
• Two sides of depression disease.
• How social media affects mental health: the need for responsible use to prevent depression.
• The importance of early intervention: addressing depression in schools and colleges.
• The benefits of seeking professional help for depression.
• There is a need for better access to mental health care, including therapy and medication, for those suffering from depression.
• Depression in adolescents and suitable interventions .
• How do you manage depression while in college or university?
• The role of family and friends in supporting loved ones with depression and encouraging them to seek help.
• The benefits of mindfulness and meditation for depression.
• The link between sleep and depression, and how to improve sleep habits.
• How do you manage depression while working a high-stress job?
• Approaches to treating depression.
• How do you manage depression during pregnancy and postpartum?
• The importance of prioritizing employee mental health and providing resources for managing depression in the workplace.
• How should you manage depression while caring for a loved one with a chronic illness?
• How to manage depression while dealing with infertility or pregnancy loss.
• Andrew Solomon: why we can’t talk about depression .
• Destigmatizing depression: promoting mental health awareness and understanding.
• Raising funds for depression research: investing in mental health advances.
• The power of peer support: establishing peer-led programs for depression.
• Accessible mental health services: ensuring treatment for all affected by depression.
• Evidence-based screening for depression in acute care .
• The benefits of journaling for mental health: putting your thoughts on paper to heal.
• The power of positivity: changing your mindset to fight depression .
• The healing power of gratitude in fighting depression.
• The connection between diet and depression: eating well can improve your mood.
• Teen depression and suicide in Soto’s The Afterlife .
• The benefits of therapy for depression: finding professional help to heal.
• The importance of setting realistic expectations when living with depression.

📝 How to Write about Depression: Essay Structure

We’ve prepared some tips and examples to help you structure your essay and communicate your ideas.

Essay about Depression: Introduction

An introduction is the first paragraph of an essay. It plays a crucial role in engaging the reader, offering the context, and presenting the central theme.

A good introduction typically consists of 3 components:

• Hook. The hook captures readers’ attention and encourages them to continue reading.
• Background information. Background information provides context for the essay.
• Thesis statement. A thesis statement expresses the essay’s primary idea or central argument.

Hook : Depression is a widespread mental illness affecting millions worldwide.

Background information : Depression affects your emotions, thoughts, and behavior. If you suffer from depression, engaging in everyday tasks might become arduous, and life may appear devoid of purpose or joy.

Depression Essay Thesis Statement

A good thesis statement serves as an essay’s road map. It expresses the author’s point of view on the issue in 1 or 2 sentences and presents the main argument.

Thesis statement : The stigma surrounding depression and other mental health conditions can discourage people from seeking help, only worsening their symptoms.

Essays on Depression: Body Paragraphs

The main body of the essay is where you present your arguments. An essay paragraph includes the following:

• a topic sentence,
• evidence to back up your claim,
• explanation of why the point is essential to the argument;
• a link to the next paragraph.

Topic sentence : Depression is a complex disorder that requires a personalized treatment approach, comprising both medication and therapy.

Evidence : Medication can be prescribed by a healthcare provider or a psychiatrist to relieve the symptoms. Additionally, practical strategies for managing depression encompass building a support system, setting achievable goals, and practicing self-care.

Depression Essay: Conclusion

The conclusion is the last part of your essay. It helps you leave a favorable impression on the reader.

The perfect conclusion includes 3 elements:

• Rephrased thesis statement.
• Summary of the main points.
• Final opinion on the topic.

Rephrased thesis: In conclusion, overcoming depression is challenging because it involves a complex interplay of biological, psychological, and environmental factors that affect an individual’s mental well-being.

Summary: Untreated depression heightens the risk of engaging in harmful behaviors such as substance abuse and can also result in negative thought patterns, diminished self-esteem, and distorted perceptions of reality.

We hope you’ve found our article helpful and learned some new information. If so, feel free to share it with your friends. You can also try our free online topic generator !

• Pain, anxiety, and depression – Harvard Health | Harvard Health Publishing
• Depression-related increases and decreases in appetite reveal dissociable patterns of aberrant activity in reward and interoceptive neurocircuitry – PMC | National Library of Medicine
• How to Get Treatment for Postpartum Depression – The New York Times
• What Is Background Information and What Purpose Does It Serve? | Indeed.com
• Thesis | Harvard College Writing Center
• Topic Sentences: How Do You Write a Great One? | Grammarly Blog

725 Research Proposal Topics & Title Ideas in Education, Psychology, Business, & More

414 proposal essay topics for projects, research, & proposal arguments.

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• v.12(7); 2022 Jul 19

Influencing factors, prediction and prevention of depression in college students: A literature review

Xin-qiao liu.

School of Education, Tianjin University, Tianjin 300350, China. nc.ude.ukp@uiloaiqnix

School of Education, Tianjin University, Tianjin 300350, China

Wen-Jie Zhang

Graduate School of Education, Peking University, Beijing 100871, China

Wen-Juan Gao

Institute of Higher Education, Beihang University, Beijing 100191, China

Corresponding author: Xin-Qiao Liu, PhD, Associate Professor, School of Education, Tianjin University, No. 135 Tongyan Road, Jinnan District, Tianjin 300350, China. nc.ude.ukp@uiloaiqnix

The high prevalence of depression among college students has a strong negative impact on individual physical and mental health, academic development, and interpersonal communication. This paper reviewed the extant literature by identifying nonpathological factors related to college students' depression, investigating the methods of predicting depression, and exploring nonpharmaceutical interventions for college students' depression. The influencing factors of college students' depression mainly fell into four categories: biological factors, personality and psychological state, college experience, and lifestyle. The outbreak of coronavirus disease 2019 has exacerbated the severity of depression among college students worldwide and poses grave challenges to the prevention and treatment of depression, given that the coronavirus has spread quickly with high infection rates, and the pandemic has changed the daily routines of college life. To predict and measure mental health, more advanced methods, such as machine algorithms and artificial intelligence, have emerged in recent years apart from the traditional commonly used psychological scales. Regarding nonpharmaceutical prevention measures, both general measures and professional measures for the prevention and treatment of college students' depression were examined in this study. Students who experience depressive disorders need family support and personalized interventions at college, which should also be supplemented by professional interventions such as cognitive behavioral therapy and online therapy. Through this literature review, we insist that the technology of identification, prediction, and prevention of depression among college students based on big data platforms will be extensively used in the future. Higher education institutions should understand the potential risk factors related to college students' depression and make more accurate screening and prevention available with the help of advanced technologies.

Core Tip: This study reviewed the extant literature by identifying nonpathological factors related to college students' depression, investigating the methods of predicting depression, and exploring nonpharmaceutical interventions for depression among college students. The influencing factors can be categorized into students’ demographic characteristics, college experience, lifestyle, and social support. For the prediction of depression, methods such as machine algorithms and artificial intelligence have been employed together with the traditional psychological scales. This study summarizes general and professional measures that can be taken for the prevention and treatment of college students' depression.

INTRODUCTION

The prevalence of depression among college students has gradually increased in recent years, even exceeding that of the general public, which has become a global phenomenon[ 1 ]. Mounting research has focused on the topic, and the consensus is that the high prevalence of depression among college students cannot be ignored. For instance, in Asia, a follow-up survey and analysis based on 1401 undergraduates in China over four consecutive years showed that approximately 20% to 40% of undergraduates suffered from depression, anxiety and stress to different degrees, and approximately 35% of them had higher depression levels than the normal population[ 2 ]. An online survey based on 7915 freshmen students at Hong Kong University in China showed that 21%, 41% and 27% of individuals had moderate or higher levels of depression, anxiety and stress, respectively, far exceeding the average in the general population[ 3 ]. The median prevalence rate for depression among 15859 college students in six ASEAN countries (Cambodia, Laos, Malaysia, Myanmar, Thailand and Vietnam) was 29.4%, and 7% to 8% of students committed suicide; despite the high prevalence of mental illness, their willingness to seek professional help was relatively low[ 4 ]. Among 642 college students in Saudi Arabia, the proportions of moderate depression, anxiety and stress were 53.6%, 65.7% and 34.3%, respectively[ 5 ]. In Africa, among 1206 Nigerian college students, 5.6% had mild depression, and 2.7% suffered severe depressive disorder[ 6 ]. In North America, 53% of 1455 American college students reported that they had experienced depression since the beginning of college, and 9% said they had considered suicide since the beginning of college[ 7 ]. Thirty percent of 7800 Canadian undergraduates reported that their psychological stress increased, and the degree of depression was significantly higher than that of the general population[ 8 ]. In Europe, more than one-third of college students from three higher education institutions in the United Kingdom suffered from long-term mental health diseases, the prevalence rate of which was higher than the average level of national surveys, and the scores of the eight dimensions of mental health, measured by the MOS 36-item short-form health survey, were all significantly lower than those of local peers aged 18 to 34[ 9 ]. In Oceania, 21.8% of 751 Australian college students reported depression, and their depression scores were higher than the standard scores of the general Australian population[ 10 ].

The global outbreak of the coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) pandemic in 2020 brought in additional pressure and challenges for the prevention and treatment of depression among college students. Many reports worldwide voiced that college students had a greater probability of struggling with higher levels of depression after the pandemic. The data show that after the outbreak of the pandemic, acute stress, anxiety, and depressive symptoms were widespread among Chinese college students, and the incidence rate was significantly higher than before[ 11 ]. The prevalence rates of moderate depression and suicide-related symptoms among 212 Japanese college students were 11.7% and 6.7%, respectively[ 12 ]. Among 2031 American college students, 48.14% suffered from moderate to severe depression, 38.48% experienced moderate to severe anxiety, 18.04% had suicidal thoughts, and 71.26% reported that their stress/anxiety levels increased during the pandemic[ 13 ]. More than a quarter of Swiss university students had depressive symptoms during the pandemic, which was much higher than that of the general population and higher than that before the pandemic[ 14 ].

The transition from high school to university is full of tension and adaptation. It is a critical period for the shift from late adolescence to adulthood or emerging adulthood, which is neither adolescence nor young adulthood but theoretically and empirically distinct from both periods[ 15 ]. Arnett stressed that this is a stage full of self-exploration, instability, possibility, self-focus, and something in between[ 16 ]. At this phase, individuals will face the challenges of identity and role transformation and more diversification and complexity from families and institutions. Specifically, compared with middle schools, universities put forward higher requirements for freshmen's independence and self-regulation, such as the independence of living in a new place, the autonomy of learning patterns, and the complexity of social networks. However, confronted with these challenges, college students entering the campus for the first time often wander between independence and dependence. On the one hand, they are eager to enjoy new freedoms; on the other hand, it is difficult to eliminate their attachment and economic dependence on their parents; thus, they are often in a state of "pseudo independence"[ 17 ].

In summary, compared with teenagers and adults, college students are the key group at significantly higher risk of poor mental health. A series of factors, including family, college, studies, and social interactions, are likely to induce college students' depression. However, few publications have reviewed the literature on risk factors for college students’ depression. Given that most studies examined individual risk factors based on samples from a certain country or region, this paper reviewed the extant literature related to college students' depression and aimed to systematically present the nonpathological factors, predictions and nonpharmaceutical interventions for college students' depression to provide a reference for stakeholders worldwide.

NONPATHOLOGICAL INFLUENCING FACTORS OF DEPRESSION

The related factors can be roughly divided into four categories: biological factors, personality and psychological state, college experience, and lifestyle. The literature review presented the specific risk factors under four categories in Table ​ Table1. 1 . Subsequently, this paper explained certain factors with controversial research conclusions.

Factors related to depression in college students

Some studies have asserted that the risk of depression in female college students is significantly higher than that in male students[ 24 , 26 , 40 , 41 ]. The possible mechanism lies in physiological differences between the sexes (such as genetic vulnerability, hormone, and cortisol levels), differences in self-concept, and different role expectations from society leading to different emotional responses and behavior patterns. Females are more likely to internalize their negative feelings, whereas males resort to externalizing behaviors such as smoking and alcoholism[ 42 - 44 ]. However, some analyses did not find significant sex differences[ 28 , 45 , 46 ]. Other studies have shown that men have a higher prevalence of depression[ 20 , 47 ]. This may be ascribed to their conservative attitudes toward mental health counseling and treatment under certain social expectations. For instance, women are more help-seeking than men and therefore tend to have more diagnoses and treatment. In particular, gregarious women are more likely to discuss their difficulties with others, such as family and friends, as a form of coping. Nevertheless, considering that societal expectations for men might be different, with those who express vulnerable emotions being regarded as weak, the depressive symptoms of men may manifest as anger and excessive indulgence in smoking and drinking, which are more acceptable masculine expressions in society[ 43 , 44 ].

Year of study

Most studies have found significant differences in the depression level of college students in different years of their education, although some found the difference to be insignificant[ 28 ]. Some research has suggested that undergraduates with lower grades suffer more from depression, which can be attributed to separation from relatives and friends, social adaptation, academic pressure, and increased investment in social activities. A survey of Chinese students showed that the highest scores for depression, anxiety and stress all appeared in the first three years of college, and students’ mental health status was relieved in the fourth year with the passage of time[ 48 ]. A survey of medical students in Saudi Arabia found that students' depression levels continued to rise from the first year of enrollment, reached maximum intensity in the third year, and then dropped significantly with graduation in the last year[ 22 ]. However, other studies found that compared with other undergraduates, senior students had a higher risk of depression. The graduation year is a critical period for individuals to further their studies or go into society, and students are faced with many new stressors, such as graduation pressure, pressure from grades and applications to other institutions, difficulties in future career planning and employment discrimination in the labor market[ 49 ]. Compared with undergraduates, postgraduates may be exposed to greater pressure in obtaining financial security, stable employment, getting married and other aspects of life, which results in a higher risk of depression[ 19 , 41 ].

The depression issues of college students can largely be attributed to their lifestyles. First, the lack of regular physical activities increases the risk of depression[ 11 , 14 ], particularly for individuals whose amount of weekly physical activity fails to meet the standards of the World Health Organization[ 20 ]. Second, substance abuse, such as excessive smoking, alcohol abuse[ 6 , 12 , 21 ], or alcohol intake[ 33 ], can cause depressive disorders, and it should be noted that their relationship might be bidirectional. Studies have shown that individuals with depression are more likely to drink obsessively to relieve their negative emotions due to their poor self-control, which will in turn trap them in a vicious cycle between excessive drinking and depressive disorders[ 32 ]. Third, unhealthy sleeping habits such as daytime sleepiness[ 20 , 34 ], poor sleep quality[ 21 ], and short[ 35 ] or long sleep duration[ 10 ] may lead to depressive symptoms. Fourth, unhealthy nutritional habits are also among the crucial factors that are strongly correlated with depression[ 36 ]. From the perspective of dietary structure and nutritional habits, individuals with depression often report excessive intake of high-fat snacks and margarine/butter/meat fat and inadequate intake of fruits, vegetables, and lean protein[ 30 ]. Overeating[ 14 ] and skipping breakfast[ 10 ], especially for males, are also related to depressive disorders.

Network usage

Relevant studies have indicated that depression in college students is associated with their time spent on the internet[ 50 , 51 ]. Those who suffer from internet addiction and dependence are more likely to struggle with depression[ 52 ], and phubbing (a portmanteau of the words “phone” and “snubbing”) has been proven to be a mediator of the relationship between depression and problematic internet use[ 53 ], mainly focusing on social networking and entertainment[ 54 ].

Social software

Some researchers believe that social software, as a complementary mode of providing social support, can provide more help for people with low social support, thus reducing the occurrence of depression[ 55 ]. However, there is increasing recognition that social networks, especially the excessive use of social media, are closely related to depression[ 56 - 60 ]. Regarding the possible contributing factors, first, individuals who frequently use social software are more likely to have a fear of missing out, and they are always worried that they will miss some important information if they do not refresh the social platform dynamics frequently. This persistent social anxiety will increase the risk of depression[ 61 ]. Second, college students who are addicted to social media are more likely to have a comparison mentality when checking the status updates of others on social network platforms, especially when they feel that others' lives are better than their own, which can result in symptoms of depression[ 62 ]. Third, it is quite impossible for those who struggle with depressive disorders to establish satisfactory interpersonal relationships in virtual space since they usually maintain poor relationships in the real world. The lack of expected support from social networks undoubtedly aggravates their depression[ 63 ].

In addition, because the COVID-19 pandemic has aggravated the depression of college students worldwide, we further analyzed the influencing factors of college students' depression against the background of the COVID-19 pandemic, apart from the general factors mentioned above: (1) Given that COVID-19 is highly contagious and uncertain, the higher risk of becoming infected with COVID-19 is closely related to individuals’ level of depression. Research has indicated that individuals who live in high-risk areas for COVID-19, have close contact with the COVID-19 virus, or have acquaintances or relatives infected with COVID-19[ 19 , 41 ] often have a higher prevalence of depression; (2) Considering that the internet serves as the main channel for college students to obtain information about COVID-19, those who browse the internet for a short time will not suffer from too much anxiety because of the small amount of information they receive. Meanwhile, students surfing the internet for a long time will be able to obtain more accurate details about COVID-19, which can prevent misunderstanding relevant information. Nevertheless, individuals with shorter browsing times often have a higher risk for depression given that they may be easily misled by the rumors and have limited time to verify the authenticity of relevant information[ 64 ]; (3) Academic stress increases the degree of depression of college students with the closure of schools, the challenges of online courses and the risk of graduation delay[ 13 , 65 ]; (4) Financial pressures include the impact of the pandemic on family economic resources[ 49 ] and the increasing uncertainty of individuals about future employment[ 13 ]; (5) Environmental changes, home study, self-isolation, isolation from relatives and friends, decreased exercise frequency, uncertainty of school reopening, regular temperature measurement, wearing masks for a long time, cancellation of package deliveries and take-out supplies and other forced changes in daily study and living habits all increase the risk of depression among college students[ 13 , 49 ]; (6) There is less family support, social support and deteriorating family relations[ 65 ]; and (7) Social confidence wanes. Research has shown that the prevalence of depression also increases when individuals lack confidence in the government[ 66 ].

PREDICTING DEPRESSION

Traditional depression prediction methods are based on various self-rated psychological scales, such as the 21-item depression, anxiety and stress scale (DASS-21) and the self-rating depression scale (SDS). A growing body of research on the reliability and validity of the DASS-21 scale has been published from throughout the world (such as in Britain, Portugal, The Netherlands, Italy, the United States, and Nepal), all of which show that the DASS-21 is a mature tool that can accurately measure the symptoms of depression, anxiety and stress in adult clinical and nonclinical samples and identify and screen people at high risk of depression[ 67 - 70 ]. Similar to the DASS-21, the prediction reliability and validity of the SDS scale for depression have also been confirmed and recognized by relevant studies[ 71 - 73 ]. These are screening tools, and when elevated scores are detected, further evaluation is needed by a clinician. Moreover, the measurement often needs to rely on the patient's own active consultation and cooperation, which is costly, time-consuming, and inaccurate, and there is a risk of social stigma for patients. In recent years, with the progress of science and technology, a series of more advanced methods of depression risk prediction and identification, such as machine learning and artificial intelligence, has emerged, which can deeply learn all types of social and behavioral characteristics of people with potential mental illness risk based on big data and then accurately simulate, identify and predict who they are. Typical methods include support vector machines, decision trees, naïve Bayes classifiers, K-nearest neighbor classifiers and logistic regression[ 74 ]. More specifically, support vector machines are applied to classify handwritten digits and organize cancer tissue samples using microarray expression data[ 75 , 76 ]. Decision trees serve as a hierarchical classifier, employing certain rules to divide the predictor space. The naïve Bayes classifier is based on Bayes’ theorem and is employed to predict class membership probabilities. K-nearest neighbor classifiers are instance-based learning classifiers that compare a new datapoint with the k nearest sample datapoints, regarding the class with the nearest neighbors to the new datapoint as the class of the datapoint. Logistic regression, as a probabilistic linear classifier, directly estimates class probabilities with the logit transform[ 74 ].

The gait feature analysis method based on machine learning has been developed as a supplementary tool to identify depression among college students. Relevant research found that the gait of depressed and nondepressed college students showed significant differences. The specific gait performance of depressed patients included reduced walking velocity, arm swing, vertical head movement and stride length, increased body sway and a slumped head posture. When the above series of features were applied to classifiers with different machine learning algorithms, the accuracy of depression screening and recognition reached 91.58%[ 77 ]. A study collected 121 campus behaviors of college students, including basic personal information, academic achievements, poverty subsidies, consumption habits, daily life, library behaviors, and eating habits, and found that 25 campus behaviors are related to depression, such as failing exams, having bad eating habits, increasing night activities, decreasing morning activities, and seldom participating in social activities (such as eating with friends). On this basis, a depression recognition method was developed by combining machine learning algorithms[ 78 ]. There is also research and development of a machine learning method to identify depression based on college students' smartphone and fitness tracker data ( e.g. , Bluetooth, calls, location, campus map, phone usage, steps, sleep), which extracts many features that can effectively identify depression, such as long-term inactivity and restless sleep at night; the recognition accuracy of this method for college students' depression can reach over 80%[ 79 ].

In addition, it is worth noting that social software has increasingly become a nonpathological risk factor for depression among college students. Addiction to social software is often more likely to induce depression, while college students at high risk of depression are more inclined to vent their negative emotions and relieve stress on various online social platforms. In this way, social network behavior analysis was developed based on machine learning as another effective way to identify and predict depression[ 80 , 81 ]. Through mining, emotion analysis and emotion recognition of personal user information data on social network platforms, we can capture the abnormal behavior patterns of people with depression, among which the most frequently used communication methods are text, emoticons, user log-in information and pictures. The selected research usually uses classic off-the-shelf classifiers to analyze the available information and combines words, such as National Research Council Canada (NRC) Word-Emoticon Association Lexicon, WordNet-Affect, Anew, and Linguistic Inquiry and Word Count tool. It is challenging to analyze the combination of temporal information and different types of information[ 82 ]. For example, some studies have conducted text analysis on the Sina Weibo data of Chinese college students. First, the behavioral differences between depressed and nondepressed individuals in language style, emoji usage, number of Weibos, followers and so on were obtained. Then, a deep neural network was applied to feature extraction and dimension reduction for college students with depression, and input data suitable for the classifier were constructed. Finally, a deeply integrated support vector machine was introduced to classify the input data, and more stable and accurate depression identification was realized[ 83 ]. Some studies collected historical behavior data of American college students using Google search and YouTube during the COVID-19 pandemic and found that there were strong correlations between depression and the following online behavior changes: long use sessions (multiple comprehensive activities with short time intervals), more online activities in the middle of the night or even staying up late, and searching for more authentic and realistic topics related to work, money or death, which verifies the feasibility of building a machine learning model based on individual behavior signals to predict college students' depression[ 84 ].

Generally, machine learning has been widely used in a series of mental health risk predictions about college students' depression, stress[ 85 ] and suicidal behavior[ 86 , 87 ]. Big data brings many benefits to the prediction of psychological states by reducing the subjectivity of human judgment or human operations to a certain extent and relieving the concerns of patients about possible social stigma and discrimination. In other words, big data and machine learning result in no prejudice in predictions. Thus, confirming depression through data and behavioral performance may be the developing trend in identifying and predicting depression among college students and an even broader population in the future. However, issues such as data privacy and data protection are unavoidable. The government needs to set stricter privacy protection policies, while a more extensive collection of personal data needs to be confirmed and approved by the collectors.

NONPHARMACEUTICAL PREVENTION OF DEPRESSION

Both general and professional measures for the prevention and treatment of depression were explored in this study. The former emphasizes the importance of multi-subject participation in the prevention and treatment of depression among college students, while the latter focuses on measures with the theoretical support of professional disciplines such as psychology.

General intervention measures

The general interventions are summarized in Table ​ Table2 2 and can be coarsely categorized into support from family, interventions by colleges and universities, cultivation of personal lifestyles, and resilience therapy.

High level of family support

A high level of family support can be used as a buffer against the influence of a high-stress reaction to prevent the development of depression[ 91 ]. In a study of 62 patients who recovered from depression, a high level of perceived emotional support from their families indicated that family support, especially emotional support, was very important for the relief and even rehabilitation of depression[ 92 ]. However, it should be noted that family support and perfect family functioning depend more on objective characteristics related to family socioeconomic status, such as parents' level of education[ 93 ]. In addition, some studies have found that the role family support plays in the prevention and treatment of depression also depends on the levels of perceived stress reactivity of individuals. Specifically, family emotional support can significantly alleviate the symptoms of depression when the perceived stress reactivity is low, but when the individual shows a high level of the perceived stress response, the effect of family emotional support in preventing depression will be greatly reduced[ 94 ].

The intervention from colleges and universities

Prior literature has shown that the faculties, peers, and social clubs on campus can help alleviate the negative effects of online games on depression. Students may seek social support from their teachers, peers, or psychological counseling centers to prevent addiction to online video games that may lead to depressive disorders[ 38 ]. Therefore, colleges and universities should build mental health services involving faculty, students, and psychological counseling centers. In addition, some studies have indicated that the implementation of related courses and projects in universities, such as resilience programs (including goal-building, mindfulness, and resilience skills), might be effective in improving college students' mental health[ 95 ].

Cultivation of healthy lifestyles

Apart from external support from family and intervention by higher education institutions, the prevention of depression also needs to rely on the patient's own efforts. Studies have shown that healthy lifestyles, including proper physical exercise, healthy sleep and diet, and regular sun exposure, can help prevent or reduce the occurrence of depression in college students[ 96 ]. For instance, students with a consistent sleep schedule and sufficient sleep duration are less likely to suffer from depression. Meanwhile, regular sun exposure aids in the synthesis of vitamin D in the body, which is crucial to release fatigue and change the negative moods that individuals with mild or moderate depression may experience[ 46 ]. Proper physical activities are also important for stress and depression relief among college students[ 97 , 98 ]. Additionally, improving diet and overall nutrition is also an effective way to treat depression[ 99 ]. In particular, eating breakfast on time helps reduce the risk of depression[ 46 ]. Certain nutrients, including zinc, magnesium, B vitamins, and cooking fats, have also been proven to be associated with depressive symptoms[ 100 - 102 ]. Therefore, colleges and universities can help prevent the occurrence of depression in college students by providing a regular diet with an adequate intake of vitamins and nutrients[ 103 ].

Resilience therapy

Some research has shown that resilience therapy can help individuals maintain mental health in the face of negative emotions and stressful events, thereby reducing the occurrence of depression[ 104 ]. Others have also found that it can reduce depressive symptoms by modulating the effects of timing and sleep quality on depression[ 105 ].

Professional intervention measures

Cognitive behavioral therapy, which aims to change individual thoughts and behaviors, has been the most widely used treatment method for depression thus far[ 106 - 110 , 113 - 115 ]. Mindfulness intervention programs[ 111 ] based on cognitive behavioral therapy and dialectal behavior group therapy[ 112 ] can effectively alleviate the depressive symptoms of college students.

In recent years, a growing number of online technologies have been applied to the treatment of depression among college students thanks to the rapid development of internet technology and mobile terminal devices[ 116 - 120 ], and some of the technologies were even skillfully combined with cognitive behavioral therapy[ 121 , 122 ]. For example, there are many apps that incorporate elements of cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness. A study from Switzerland revealed that apps such as MoodKit, MoodMission and MoodPrismying can successfully deliver ecological momentary interventions (EMIs) based on cognitive behavioral therapy principles to users through smartphones, thereby improving their well-being and effectively reducing the symptoms of depression. The study also noted that EMI has been generally accepted by users of different ages, sex, educational backgrounds and occupations and is expected to provide scalable global mental health solutions[ 123 ]. Compared with behavioral cognitive therapy and online interventions, the efficacy of traditional educational/personalized feedback interventions in the past has been slightly inferior. Some projects have evaluated the effectiveness of mailing personalized standardized alcohol surveys for college students' depression prevention, but unfortunately, there is no obvious improvement[ 124 ].

LIMITATIONS

Limitations of this study include the following. First, this paper analyzed relevant literature written in English, but research in other languages, such as Chinese, Japanese, German, and Italian, was not included. Second, the paper is a narrative review of extensive studies including the influencing factors, prediction, and prevention of depression in college students. We did not undertake explicit methods such as systematic reviews, nor did we involve substantial clinical results and corroborate the evidence in prior literature such as retrospective reviews. The study merely presents studies in the pertinent field by summarizing their main conclusions, which cannot be directly applied to clinical treatment.

This paper reviewed the extant literature by identifying nonpathological factors related to depression among college students, investigating methods of predicting their depressive symptoms, and summarizing nonpharmaceutical interventions. The nonpathological related factors of college students' depression mainly fell into four categories: biological factors, personality and psychological state, college experience, and lifestyle. The outbreak of COVID-19 exacerbated the severity of depression among college students worldwide and posed grave challenges to the prevention and treatment of depression, given that the coronavirus spread quickly with high infection rates, changing the daily routines of college life and creating financial stress, academic stress, and long-term home isolation. Regarding the prediction of vulnerability to depression, machine algorithms and artificial intelligence based on big data have emerged in addition to the commonly used psychological scales. A series of big data, such as text, pictures, video and audio, based on individual social network behaviors was widely discussed and applied to identify and predict college students' depression. Regarding preventive measures, both general measures and professional interventions were discussed for the prevention and treatment of college students' depression, which required not only help from family, professionals, and institutions (cognitive behavioral therapy and online therapy) and society but also the individuals themselves through the cultivation of healthy habits.

Technology based on the internet and big data platforms will become more widely used in the future to identify, predict, and prevent depression among college students. Higher education institutions should clearly understand the potential risk factors related to college students' depression and employ advanced technology for more accurate screening and prevention. They should also work on increasing access to resources and clinical support considering the common difficulties in making appointments and long-term waits for psychological consultation.

Furthermore, this paper proposed two prospects for the future development of nonpharmaceutical interventions for college students' depression. First, the risk of stigma should be minimized. Many traditional precautionary measures are used to help students identify whether they suffer from depression, including e-mail, posters, campus activities, pamphlets, and first aid training courses about mental health. However, these measures may result in further concerns about the risk of stigmatization and psychological worries of students[ 125 ]. Therefore, in the future, we should avoid stigmatizing issues in the prevention of depression among college students and pay more attention to personalization and privacy in the development and application of precautionary measures. Second, the importance of general measures for the prevention and treatment of college students' depression should be combined with professional interventions such as cognitive intervention therapy and other evidence-based treatment. A meta-analysis showed that apart from cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness-based interventions, other measures, such as art, exercise, and peer support, are also effective in relieving depressive symptoms in college students[ 126 ].

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

The authors would like to thank Han T for his contribution to the language editing of the first draft of this study.

Conflict-of-interest statement: All the authors report no relevant conflicts of interest for this article.

Provenance and peer review: Invited article; Externally peer reviewed.

Peer-review model: Single blind

Peer-review started: February 27, 2022

First decision: April 18, 2022

Article in press: June 22, 2022

Specialty type: Psychiatry

Country/Territory of origin: China

Peer-review report’s scientific quality classification

Grade A (Excellent): 0

Grade B (Very good): B

Grade C (Good): C, C, C

Grade D (Fair): 0

Grade E (Poor): 0

P-Reviewer: Kaur M, United States; Radhakrishnan R, New Zealand; Rose AF, United States; Tanabe S, Japan S-Editor: Gao CC L-Editor: A P-Editor: Gao CC

Contributor Information

Xin-Qiao Liu, School of Education, Tianjin University, Tianjin 300350, China. nc.ude.ukp@uiloaiqnix .

Yu-Xin Guo, School of Education, Tianjin University, Tianjin 300350, China.

Wen-Jie Zhang, Graduate School of Education, Peking University, Beijing 100871, China.

Wen-Juan Gao, Institute of Higher Education, Beihang University, Beijing 100191, China.

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, addressing personal struggles like depression in my college essay - yes or no.

Hi everyone, I'm trying to decide if sharing my journey with depression in my college essay is a good move. It's a big part of my story and has profoundly affected my high school years. I want to show resilience, but is this topic too much of a red flag for admissions?

Absolutely, sharing personal challenges can be a powerful testament to your resilience in your college essay. It's essential, however, to focus primarily on how you've overcome these struggles and what you've learned from them. Colleges are interested in your growth and ability to handle adversity. Be sure to highlight the positive outcomes: how dealing with depression has made you stronger, more empathetic, or pushed you to engage in activities that have enriched your life or the lives of others.

For example, if you took up painting or jogging as a way to cope, and it blossomed into a passion, that's a compelling story. Or maybe you started a mental health awareness club at your school to support others. It's all about framing it in a way that focuses on the positive angles of your journey. Remember to keep the overall tone optimistic and to demonstrate a clear arc of personal growth and understanding. Admissions committees are looking for students who can reflect thoughtfully on their experiences and emerge with a sense of purpose and direction, regardless of the obstacles they've faced.

About CollegeVine’s Expert FAQ

CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

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Addressing Depression in Your Personal Statement

• college application essays
• essay topic

Did you know 20% of teenagers experience depression before reaching adulthood? It is also during this time that college applicants have to answer the most intimate question in order to gain acceptance at their dream school. What defines you?

While it may feel extremely vulnerable to talk about your experience with depression, don’t let that immediately deter you from choosing it as your personal statement essay topic. Here are 5 examples that may help you approach the topic in an essay:

UC Irvine ‘17

Throughout the past few years, I have gone through depression. The inability to focus not only in school, but also in life, is something I have struggled to overcome. The majority of the time, I am able to successfully distinguish my emotions from my academics because of my overly organized tendencies. At other times, the feelings that come with depression are inevitable. Depression, for me, is hopelessness. My biggest struggle with depression is not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel; therefore, this way of thinking has caused me to feel unmotivated, alone, and frightened. Because of this, I have spent endless nights contemplating my life till 4 or 5 in the morning, I have no motivation to wake up in the mornings, and I feel pain and grief on a daily basis. Keep reading.

Brittanybea

Uc berkeley ‘19.

On a warm August morning I sat shivering and shaking in the waiting room to my doctor’s office. I had my mother make the appointment but didn’t give her the reason; I’m not even sure I really knew the reason. I just knew something was wrong. The past five years had been all uphill - outwardly, at least. I was doing increasingly well in school, growing more independent, and had greater opportunities at my feet. Inwardly, however, was an entirely different story. Those five years felt like an upbeat movie I was watching while in my own personal prison. I was happy for the characters, even excited for their accomplishments. The problem was that my outward self was a character entirely distinct from the internal me. View full essay.

869749923096609FB

Williams college ‘19.

Perhaps the greatest blessing my parents have ever granted me was the move from our apartment in the Bronx to a two-family home in Queens, two blocks away from a public library. The library had all the boons my young heart could desire: bounties of books, air conditioning in the summer, and sweet solace from a dwelling teeming with the cries of an infant sister, a concept I couldn’t yet fathom. Read more.

When I was younger, people chided me for being pessimistic. It was my sincere belief that there were no rewards to be reaped from a life here on earth. I was bored, unhappy, and apathetic. War, injustice, environmental collapse, the mean thing X said to me the other day-it all made me see the world as a tumultuous and unpleasant place. Continue reading.  

879216135461584FB

Dish soap, pepper, a toothpick, and an empty pie tin. The first materials I ever used to perform a simple experiment in grade school. Looking back that would be the moment I fell in love with science. I can still feel the excitement I felt as I watched as the pepper dart off to the edges of the pie tin as I touched the water with the end of a soap coated toothpick. Though I didn’t have to question how or why the reaction happened, I never stopped wondering. It was then that a passion for science ignited in me. It was a fire in my soul that could never die out. However, I couldn’t have been more wrong. As I grew older, the fire within me began to dim and in the year 2012, it became extinguished; the world as I knew it had ended. View full profile.

While this essay topic helped these students gain acceptances to UC Irvine , UC Berkeley , Williams , Vassar and NYU , it doesn’t mean it will work in the exact same way for you. Brainstorm and think carefully about what you want to write in your personal statement and how you want to share your own, unique story. For more inspiration, AdmitSee has a database of 60,000+ successful college applications files waiting for you! 

About The Author

Frances was born in Hong Kong and received her bachelor’s degree from Georgetown University. She loves super sad drama television, cooking, and reading. Her favorite person on Earth isn’t actually a member of the AdmitSee team - it’s her dog Cooper.

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Anxiety Disorders and Depression Essay (Critical Writing)

Introduction, description section, feelings section, action plan, reference list.

Human beings become anxious in different situations that are uncertain to them. Depression and anxiety occur at a similar time. Anxiety is caused due to an overwhelming fear of an expected occurrence of an event that is unclear to a person. More than 25 million people globally are affected by anxiety disorders. People feel anxious in moments such as when making important decisions, before facing an interview panel, and before taking tests. Anxiety disorders are normally brained reactions to stress as they alert a person of impending danger. Most people feel sad and low due to disappointments. Feelings normally overwhelm a person leading to depression, especially during sad moments such as losing a loved one or divorce. When people are depressed, they engage in reckless behaviors such as drug abuse that affect them physically and emotionally. However, depression manifests in different forms in both men and women. Research shows that more women are depressed compared to men. This essay reflects on anxiety disorders and depression regarding from a real-life experience extracted from a publication.

“Every year almost 20% of the general population suffers from a common mental disorder, such as depression or an anxiety disorder” (Cuijpers et al. 2016, p.245). I came across a publication by Madison Jo Sieminski available who was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorders (Madison 2020). She explains how she was first diagnosed with anxiety disorders and depression and how it felt unreal at first. She further says that she developed the need to get a distraction that would keep her busy so that she won’t embrace her situation. In her case, anxiety made her feel that she needed to do more, and everything needed to be perfect.

Madison further said that the struggle with anxiety is that it never seemed to happen, but it happened eventually. She always felt a feeling of darkness and loneliness. She could barely stay awake for more than 30 minutes for many days. Anxiety and depression made her question herself if she was good enough, and this resulted in tears in her eyes due to the burning sensation and overwhelmed emotions. In her own words, she said, “Do I deserve to be here? What is my purpose?” (Madison 2020). Anxiety made her lose confidence in herself and lowered her self-esteem. She could lay in bed most of the time and could not take any meal most of the days.

Madison said that since the sophomore year of high school, all was not well, and she suddenly felt someone in her head telling her to constantly worry and hold back from everything. She could wake up days when she could try a marathon to keep her mind busy. However, she sought help on 1 January 2020, since she felt her mental health was important, and she needed to be strong. She was relieved from her biggest worries, and what she thought was failure turned into a biggest achievement. She realized that her health needed to be her priority. Even after being diagnosed with depression disorders, she wanted to feel normal and have a normal lifestyle like other people.

Madison was happy with her decision to seek medical help even though she had her doubts. She was happy that she finally took that step to see a doctor since she was suffering in silence. She noted that the background of her depression and anxiety disorders was her family. It was kind of genetic since her mom also struggled with depression and anxiety disorders. Her mom was always upset, and this broke her heart. She said it took her years to better herself, but she still had bad days. Madison decided to take the challenge regarding her mother’s experience. Also, Madison said she was struggling to get over depression since her childhood friends committed suicide, and it affected her deeply. She also told the doctor how she often thought of harming herself. The doctor advised her on the different ways she could overcome her situation after discovering she had severe depression and anxiety disorders.

After going through Madison’s story, I was hurt by the fact that he had to go through that for a long time, and something tragic could have happened if she had not resorted to medical help. I felt emotional by the fact that she constantly blamed herself due to her friends who committed suicide, and she decided to accumulate all the pain and worries. The fact that I have heard stories of how people commit suicide due to depression and anxiety disorders made me have a somber mood considering her case. In this case, you will never know what people are going through in their private lives until they decide to open up. We normally assume every person is okay, yet they fight their demons and struggle to look okay. Hence, it won’t cost any person to check up on other people, especially if they suddenly change their social characters.

Madison’s story stood out for me since she had struggled since childhood to deal with depression and anxiety disorders. In her case, she was unable to seek help first even when she knew that she was suffering in silence (Madison 2020). However, most people find it hard to admit they need help regardless of what they are going through, like Madison. People who are depressed cannot work as they lack the motivation to do anything. In my knowledge, depression affects people close to you, including your family and friends. Depression also hurts those who love someone suffering from it. Hence, it is complex to deal with. Madison’s situation stood out for me since her childhood friends committed suicide, and she wished silently she could be with them. Hence, this leads to her constant thoughts of harming herself. Childhood friends at one point can become your family even though you are not related by blood due to the memories you share.

Depression and Anxiety disorders have been common mental health concerns globally for a long time. Depression and anxiety disorders create the impression that social interactions are vague with no meaning. It is argued by Cuijpers (2016, p.245) that people who are depressed normally have personality difficulties as they find it hard to trust people around them, including themselves. In this case, Madison spent most of her time alone, sleeping, and could not find it necessary to hang around other people. Negativity is the order of the day as people depressed find everything around them not interesting.

People who are depressed find it easy to induce negativity in others. Hence, they end up being rejected. Besides, if someone is depressed and is in a relationship, he/she may be the reason for ending the relationship since they would constantly find everything offensive. Research shows that people who are clinically depressed, such as Madison, prefer sad facial expressions to happy facial expressions. Besides, most teenagers in the 21 st century are depressed, and few parents tend to notice that. Also, most teenagers lack parental love and care since their parents are busy with their job routines and have no time to engage their children. Research has shown that suicide is the second cause of death among teenagers aged between 15-24 years due to mental disorders such as suicide and anxiety disorders.

Despite depression being a major concern globally, it can be controlled and contained if specific actions are taken. Any person needs to prioritize their mental health to avoid occurrences of depression and anxiety orders. Emotional responses can be used to gauge if a person is undergoing anxiety and depression. The best efficient way to deal with depression and anxiety is to sensitize people about depression through different media platforms (Cuijpers et al. 2016). A day in a month should be set aside where students in colleges are sensitized on the symptoms of depression and how to cope up with the situation. Some of the basic things to do to avoid anxiety and depression include; talking to someone when you are low, welcoming humor, learning the cause of your anxiety, maintaining a positive attitude, exercising daily, and having enough sleep.

Depression and anxiety disorders are different forms among people, such as irritability and nervousness. Most people are diagnosed with depression as a psychiatric disorder. Technology has been a major catalyst in enabling depression among people as they are exposed to many negative experiences online. Besides, some people are always motivated by actions of other people who seem to have given up due to depression. Many people who develop depression normally have a history of anxiety disorders. Therefore, people with depression need to seek medical attention before they harm themselves or even commit suicide. Also, people need to speak out about what they are going through to either their friends or people they trust. Speaking out enables people to relieve their burden and hence it enhances peace.

Cuijpers, P., Cristea, I.A., Karyotaki, E., Reijnders, M. and Huibers, M.J., 2016. How effective are cognitive behavior therapies for major depression and anxiety disorders? A meta‐analytic update of the evidence . World Psychiatry 15(3), pp. 245-258.

Madison, J. 2020. Open Doors .

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IvyPanda. (2022, June 16). Anxiety Disorders and Depression. https://ivypanda.com/essays/anxiety-disorders-and-depression/

"Anxiety Disorders and Depression." IvyPanda , 16 June 2022, ivypanda.com/essays/anxiety-disorders-and-depression/.

IvyPanda . (2022) 'Anxiety Disorders and Depression'. 16 June.

IvyPanda . 2022. "Anxiety Disorders and Depression." June 16, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/anxiety-disorders-and-depression/.

1. IvyPanda . "Anxiety Disorders and Depression." June 16, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/anxiety-disorders-and-depression/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Anxiety Disorders and Depression." June 16, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/anxiety-disorders-and-depression/.

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Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

This article was written based on the information and opinions presented by Shravya Kakulamarri in a CollegeVine livestream. You can watch the full livestream for more info.

What’s Covered:

What are you required to disclose in your application.

• Should You Include Mental Health History in Your Application?

How to Talk about Mental Health in College Applications

Taking care of your health in college.

Many students wonder if they should discuss mental health or disability in their college applications. Mental health history or a disability might be an integral part of who a student is, but that doesn’t necessarily make it relevant to a college application. Keep in mind that it is actually illegal for colleges to ask for these types of details about your life because it can be considered discrimination. So, colleges will never directly ask if you’ve had any sort of mental health issue or if you’ve ever had a disability. Based on this reason alone, you are not required to disclose mental or physical health concerns on your application. 

Disclosing your mental or physical health is strictly a matter of personal choice. If you leave out this information, it is not lying and 100% within your legal right to do so. 

Should You Include Mental Health History in Your Application? 

Before you choose whether to disclose your history of mental health or disability, you should think about the purpose of a college application. Everything that you put in your college application should contribute to an overall positive image of who you are as a student and member of the community. 

You usually don’t want to hide integral parts of who you are, but you also don’t want to be sharing challenges that are not going to strengthen your application. This is true not only for mental health or disabilities but also for academics, extracurriculars, and other experiences. Normally, students don’t bring up the time that they got a C or D in a class on their application. Everything that you include on your application should paint the most positive image of you possible. You always want to put your best foot forward and keep the focus on your strengths. 

You don’t want colleges to doubt your ability to succeed and perform well under pressure. If you mention any mental health concerns, they might use that as a way to question if you will do well at their school and be able to handle their rigorous course load. While colleges are supportive of their students’ mental health challenges and provide resources and services, you don’t want their first impression of you on your application to be something that makes them uncertain of your abilities. So, keep this in mind when deciding whether to disclose your mental health history. 

If you decide to include your mental health or disability history in your application , there are specific aspects of your experience that you should focus on. Rather than talking about the mental illness itself, focus more on the recovery and management aspects and what you have learned from the experience. 

Discuss things like how you have grown and the coping methods that you have cultivated due to the experience. These will give the admissions officer an idea of the types of strategies that you’ll likely use in college anytime that you encounter a stressful situation. 

Overall, if you choose to talk about mental health in your applications, focus on the learning and growth that you’ve gained because of it. 

Mental health is an important part of your well-being, and it’s essential to start good habits in high school . This way, you’ll be better prepared to cope when you face new challenges in college. You’ll likely be experiencing living on your own for the first time and have new responsibilities without the same support system that you had at home. It’s crucial to learn how to take care of your mental health early.

Fortunately, most students will have many resources at college to help them through mental health challenges. If you’re dealing with any mental health struggles, there is usually an office of wellness where you can schedule a time to see a therapist. This is usually provided with your school’s health insurance. If this is something that you are concerned about for your college experience, make sure to look into what mental health resources each college provides before applying. 

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

Is it OK to discuss mental health in an essay?

Mental health struggles can create challenges you must overcome during your education and could be an opportunity for you to show how you’ve handled challenges and overcome obstacles. If you’re considering writing your essay for college admission on this topic, consider talking to your school counselor or with an English teacher on how to frame the essay.

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Blog > Common App , Essay Examples , Personal Statement > 20 College Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

20 College Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Alex McNeil, MA Admissions Consultant

Key Takeaway

Have you ever wondered what goes through an admissions officer’s mind as they read college essays?

Now’s your chance.

This post takes you behind that dark, mysterious admissions curtain to show you what exceptional, good, and “bad” college essays look like. And we don’t just show them to you.

We’ve asked our team of former admissions officers to read through the essays, analyze them, offer editing ideas, and assign them grades.

So join us on this college essay example journey so you know what to do (and what not to do) as you write all your college essays this fall.

Let’s get started.

How to Use College Essay Examples

Here’s the thing. People in college admissions have lots of different opinions about whether students should read example essays. But we believe that reading example essays is a crucial step in the college essay writing process.

If you don’t know what a college essay looks like, then how should you expect yourself to write one?

So reading examples is important.

However! There’s a caveat. The point of reading college essay examples isn’t to copy them or even to get inspiration from them. It’s to analyze them and apply what you’ve learned to your own college essay.

To help you do that, our team of former admissions officers has taken this super-comprehensive compilation of college essay examples and pointed out exactly what you need to know before you start writing.

Let me break down how this post works:

Categories:

We’ve put together a great variety of college essay examples and sorted them into three categories, including…

• Best college essay examples: these examples are the creme-de-la-creme. They’re written by a small percentage of students who are exceptional writers.
• Good college essay examples: these examples are solid. They do exactly what they need to do on the admissions committee floor. You’re aiming to write a good college essay.
• “Bad” college essay examples: these examples illustrate a few of the most common college essay mistakes we see.

Our former admissions officers have assigned each essay a letter grade to help you understand where it falls on the scale of “bad” college essays to exceptional college essays.

Alongside our categorization and grades, our former admissions officers have also annotated the essays and provided concrete feedback about what works and what could be improved.

The majority of essays you’ll see here are written in response to the Common Application personal statement prompts. We’ve also included a few stellar supplemental essays at the end of the post.

How an Admissions Officer Reads College Essays

All admissions officers are different. And all institutions ask their admissions officers to read in different ways.

But there are a few strategies that shape how the majority of admissions officers read college essays. (If you want a look behind the mysterious admissions curtain, read our post about how admissions offices read tens of thousands of applications every year .)

First, we need to talk about application reading as a whole.

Remember that admissions officers are reading your college essays in the context of your entire application. It’s likely that by the time they get to your essay, they’ve already glanced at your background information, activities , and transcript . They may have even looked at your letters of recommendation or additional information.

Why is this detail important? It matters because your college essays need to be in conversation with the rest of your application. We refer to this strategy as adopting a “ cohesive application narrative .” Your unique personal brand—who you are, what you’re good at, what you value—should emerge across all of your application materials.

To summarize: your college essays don’t exist in a vacuum. Your admissions officers learn about who you are from your entire application, and your college essays are the place where you get to tell them exactly what you want them to know. You should write them in a way that creates balance among the other parts of your application.

So once your admissions officers get to your college essays, what are they looking for?

They’re looking for several things. Each of your essays doesn’t have to address all of these points, but they are a great place to start:

• Personal narrative that explains who you are and where you come from
• Details about specific activities, accomplishments, or inclinations
• Personality traits that make you who you are
• Lessons you’ve learned throughout your life
• Values that you hold dear
• Information about how you interact with the world around you
• Highlights about what makes you special, strong, interesting, or unique

What do all of these points have in common? They revolve around your core strengths . We’ve written more extensively about core strengths in our college essay writing guide . But for now, just know this: your college essays should tell admissions officers something positive about yourself. They want to know who you are, what motivates you, and why you would be an active contributor to their campus.

As we go through the following example essays, remember: college essays are read alongside the rest of your application, and college admissions officers read your essays to learn about your core strengths.

Okay, let’s get to it. Ready? Buckle up.

The Best College Essay Examples

As an admissions officer, every so often you come across an essay that blows you away. It stops you in your tracks, makes you laugh or cry, or resonates deeply with you. When exceptional essays come through your application bin, you’re reminded what an honor it is to get these fleeting glimpses into incredible students’ lives.

As an applicant, you may be wondering how to write this kind of exceptional college essay. Unfortunately, there’s no simple formula. You can’t “hack” your way into it. You have to write vulnerable, authentically, and beautifully—which is much easier said than done. We have a whole guide on how to write a personal statement that stands out, so we recommend that you start there.

For now, let’s take a look at some of our favorites.

College Essay Example #1: The Gospel of Steve

The first college essay we'll look at got an A+ grade and is about the writer's experience with depression and... Steve Irwin. It's a common application essay. Check it out:

" In sophomore year, I struggled with depression((While this is a fantastic essay, this hook could definitely be stronger.)) . I felt like I was constantly battling against the darkness that seemed to be closing in on me. Until, that is, I found solace in the teachings of Steve Irwin.((This unusual last sentence drew me in when I read this for the first time.))

When I first discovered Steve Irwin and his show "The Crocodile Hunter," I was captivated by his passion for wildlife. He was fearless, jumping into danger without hesitation to save an animal in need. But it was more than just his bravery that inspired me; it was his infectious energy and love for life. Watching him on TV, I couldn't help but feel a little bit better about my own struggles.((This explicit reflection does a fantastic job connecting the writer’s experiences to this Steve Irwin reference.))

But it wasn't until I read his biography that I truly felt the impact Steve had on my life. In the book, he talked openly about his own struggles with depression. He talked about the dark moments in his life, when he felt like he was drowning in despair. But he also talked about how he fought back against the darkness, how he refused to let it consume him, and how he turned his depression into a career that allowed him to follow his biggest passions.

Reading Steve's words, I felt like he was speaking directly to me.((Another beautiful transition)) I wasn't alone in my struggles if someone as brave and fearless as Steve had faced similar challenges. And that gave me the courage to keep going. I started visiting a therapist, exercising regularly, and practicing mindfulness meditation. Day by day, I lifted myself out of my depression–all with a healthy dose of “Crocodile Hunter” each evening after I finished my homework((The writer does a great job focusing on action steps here.)) .

One of the things that I admired most about Steve was his ability to find joy and laughter in the most unlikely places. He was always cracking jokes, even in the face of danger. He taught me that laughter and humor can be a powerful tool in the fight against depression. I went looking for the humor in my own struggles. I started learning about how stand-up comedy works, and wrote my own five-minute skit finding the humor and silver lining((The writer expands their connection to Steve Irwin even more through this comedy thread.)) in my depression. I wasn’t a great comic, let me tell you. But being able to channel my experience into something positive—something that helped others laugh—was extremely gratifying to me.

Depression((The reflection in this paragraph is exactly what writers need to tie all the information together before reaching the conclusion.)) is a bizarre thing. One day, you’re besieged by it from every side and it looks like there’s no way out. Then, two months later, if you’re diligent, you look around the world and wonder what you ever had to be upset about. You find goodness and light in the things around you—your friends, your family, your habits, and your hobbies. These forces act as buttresses to keep you standing up and moving forward.

As silly as it may sound, I credit Steve Irwin with that first buttress. His experience and outlook on life gave me the push I needed to cultivate bravery and resilience in the face of my struggle with mental health. My eternal goal is now to practice the gospel of Steve—to always pass along humor, passion, and encouragement to others, especially to those who seem down and out. Thank you, Steve."

Word Count: 525

Admissions Officer Notes on The Gospel of Steve

This essay captured my attention because of its unique pairing of a tough subject—depression—with a light-hearted and endearing topic—Steve Irwin.

The writer doesn’t dwell in the experience of depression but instead finds hope and light by focusing on how their favorite TV star changed their perspective. Why this essay stands out:

• Great organization and sign-posting . The essay clearly progresses through each part of the writer’s journey. The first sentence of each paragraph signals to the reader what that paragraph will be about.
• Focus on action steps. It’s very apparent that this writer is a do-er. The focus of the essay is on the way they emerged from their depression, not on the depression itself.
• Meaningful reflection. Especially in the second-to-last paragraph and conclusion, the writer beautifully reflects on what depression and hope mean to them.
• Core strengths. From this essay alone, I gather that the writer is a sage archetype . They clearly show their wisdom and ability to persist through challenges.

Most importantly, they’ve written the essay around communicating their core strengths.

College Essay Example #2: The Embroidery Scientist

This essay is about a writer's Etsy store and the connection she draws between fashion and science.

I stretch the thin fabric over my hoop and pull it tight, wedging the nested rings between my legs to secure them shut with my other hand((This hook is compelling. It makes us ask, “What in the world is the writer doing?” We are compelled to read on to find out.)) .

Next I get out the thread. Each color is wound tightly around a paper spool and stored in a container whose original purpose was to store fishing tackle.

I look at the pre-printed design on the fabric and decide what colors to select. Orange, red, pink, yellow–this design will be as bright and happy as I can make it.

Embroidery is where the STEM and creative parts of my identity converge((Here we get a clear, explicit statement of the writer’s main point. This isn’t always necessary, but it can help your reader navigate your essay more easily if you have a lot going on.)) . My STEM side is calculated. She meticulously plans the designs, mocks them up in photoshop, and painstakingly transfers them onto the fabric. She organizes each thread color by its place in ROYGBIV and cuts every piece to an identical length of 18”. Her favorite stitch is the French Knot, with its methodical “one, two” wrap sequence. For her, art is about precision.

My creative side, on the other hand, is messy. She throws thread scraps on the floor without hesitation, and she haphazardly adds design elements in pen. She does a Lazy Daisy stitch very lazily while adding an indescribable flourish to a simple backstitch. Her methods are indeed madness: she’ll border a design with glitter glue, hang a finished project upside down, or stitch a big red X over a perfectly good embroidery. For her, art is about meaning.

While these two sides of myself may seem at odds((Seamless transition to talking about Etsy accomplishment)) , they actually complement each other perfectly. At least, that’s what 3,000 of my Etsy customers think. From three-inch hoops to massive wall hangings, my Etsy shop is a compilation of the best embroidery I’ve ever done. My precision and meaning have earned me hundreds of five-star reviews from customers whose lives I’ve impacted with my art. And none of that art would have been possible without STEM me and creative me.

My STEM and creative side complement each other in more than my embroidery life too. What began as a creative side hustle has actually made me a better scientist((Another good transition to discussing passion and talent for science)) .

Before I started embroidering, I approached the lab bench with an eye like a ruler. Poured a millimeter too much liquid? Better get a pipette. Went a degree over boiling? Time to start over. My lab reports demonstrated my knowledge, skill, and care, but they didn’t show any innovation or ingenuity. My precision led me to be a good scientist but not an exceptional one.

I realized that to be exceptional, I needed to think like a real scientist. While scientists are careful and precise, they are also interrogators. They constantly question the world around them, identifying previously unseen problems and finding creative solutions. To become the scientist I wanted to be, I needed to allow myself to be more creative((This is a good example of what reflection throughout the essay should look like.)) .

When I had this realization, I had just begun my embroidery business. I didn’t understand that my creativity could also be so useful in the lab. I set out on a new path to use more creativity in the pursuit of science.

To inspire myself, I brought an embroidery project to the lab. On it, I stitched a compound microscope and a quote from one of my favorite scientists, Marie Curie. It reads, “ I am among those who think that science has great beauty.”

In the lab now, I’m not afraid to take risks and try new things((Here we see clear personal growth.)) . When I boil my mixture too long, I still start over. But occasionally, when my teacher permits, I do a second experiment on the rejected liquid just to see what will happen. Sometimes nothing happens. Sometimes it results in utter failure. But other times, my mistakes create blue, green, and purple mixtures, mixtures that bubble and burst and fizz. All of these experiments are stitches in my quest to become a cancer researcher. They are messy, but they are beautiful((The conclusion ties beautifully back to the beginning, and we also learn what the writer is interested in pursuing in the future.)) .

Admissions Officer Notes on "Embroidery Scientist"

This writer has done an excellent job talking about two very different aspects of their identity. What I love about this essay is that the structure of the essay itself shows the writer’s creativity and precision. The essay is well-organized and precise, but the writing has a unique and creative flair. It demonstrates the writer’s point exactly. I also appreciate how the writer doesn’t just talk about these parts of their identity. They explicitly connect their creativity and precision to their future goals as a scientist.

Why this essay stands out:

• Creative approach: The writer doesn’t just say, “I have two identities: creative and logical.” Instead, they illustrate that point through the wonderful example of embroidery. Connecting embroidery with science also shows this creativity.
• Attention-grabbing hook : The introductory paragraphs place readers immediately into the essay. We’re drawn in because we’re curious what the writer is doing and how it will evolve into a more meaningful message.
• Connection between personal and academic interests: The writer makes it clear why this story matters for their life in college. The creative and precise personalities aren’t inconsequential—they have a real effect on who this person wants to be.
• Forward-looking conclusion: The writer ends by subtly telling admissions officers what they’re interested in doing during and after college.

College Essay Example #4: Poetry Slam

When I first met Simon, he was neither speaking nor singing. He was doing something in between(( This hook is a good “statement” hook that raises more questions than it answers.)) . With words that flowed together like an ancient tributary, he spoke music. His hands grasping a microphone, he swayed slowly from side to side. He was a poet. But unlike that of Yeats or Dickenson, Simon’s poetry wasn’t meant to be read on a page—it was meant to be experienced like an aural work of art. And I had never experienced anything more beautiful. Disheartened, I realized that my words would never sound like Simon’s(( These two sentences are essential because otherwise the introduction would be all about Simon, not the writer.)) .

I sat in my on-deck seat. Forgetting that I was up next, I admired his craft. The crescendos and decrescendos that mirrored his pacing, the quick staccatos that punctuated each stanza, the rhymes so subtle they almost disappeared—every second of his spoken word pulled me further from reality. I listened to his words like a devout in church(( This is good sentence pacing. A long, winding sentence is followed by a short one that keeps our attention and propels us forward.)) . Closing my eyes, I joined my hands together to count the syllables. From the outside, it probably looked like I was praying. And maybe I was. When Simon’s poem ended, the audience, though betrayed by the silence, erupted into applause.

It was my turn. I had spent an entire year perfecting my poem. My sister had grown accustomed to kicking me under the dinner table when someone asked me a question. She knew that my mind was in my beloved poetry notebook, mentally analyzing my latest draft. I’ve never been one for living in the moment. My report cards usually feature comments like, “She’s a good student but has trouble paying attention.” I’m always the first one out in dodgeball because my mind is completely absent from the school gym. But what seems like inattention to my teachers is actually a kind of profound focus(( This reflection widens the essay’s scope and reveals more about who the writer is as a person.)) .

When writing slam poetry, I become completely consumed. I like to start with the words. The rhythm and intonation come with time. For me, it’s about translating a feeling into language. It’s no easy task, but it feels like an obligation. Once the words come into being, they’re like a twister in my mind(( Good (and sparing) use of figurative language.)) . They spin and spin, destroying every other thought in their path. I can’t focus on anything else because, in the aftermath of a twister, nothing else exists.

And there on the stage, nothing else existed besides me and my poem. I spoke it into existence. Like Simon, I wrapped my hands around the microphone, willing my poem to be heard. The twister exited my mind and entered the world.

A few weeks ago(( Excellent signposting)) , I watched the recording of my first poetry slam, that slam two years ago when I saw Simon perform for the first time. I saw myself climb on stage from the dark abyss of the audience. I looked small, all alone on that big stage. My voice shook as I began. But soon, my poem rendered the stage smaller and smaller. I filled the darkness with words.

As I watched myself on my computer, I thought about how I felt that day, awe-struck in the audience by Simon’s work. I felt like I’d never be able to sound like him. And I was right. My poem didn’t sound like Simon’s, and none of my poems ever would. But in this moment, I realized that they were just as beautiful. My words sounded like me(( Beautiful conclusion that really drives home just how much this person has grown. They don’t need to sound like Simon. They need to sound like themself.)) .

Word Count: 552

Admissions Officer Notes on Poetry Slam

We would call this essay a “sacred practice” essay. It’s clear that slam poetry is deeply meaningful to the writer. They even call it “an obligation.” It’s a beautiful essay that also reflects the writer’s interest in poetry. They have some nice figurative language that adds interest to the story—it’s almost like the essay is in some ways a poem itself. And the story is a good one: it demonstrates the writer’s fears, strengths, and growth.

• Deeply meaningful: We say it all the time because it’s true: college essays should be vulnerable and deeply meaningful. This essay oozes meaning. The writer even connects their love of slam poetry to who they are as a person.
• Good organization and signposting: The narrative in this essay is a little complicated as the writer switches between the slam poetry event, reflection on past events, and reflection during current day. But because each paragraph is about a single topic, and because they use very clear topic sentences and transitions, it’s easy to follow the narrative thread.
• Theme: The main theme in this essay is that the writer found their own voice through slam poetry. They had to experience growth to come to this realization. The very last sentence of the essay wonderfully ties back to the introduction and wraps up the entire essay.

College Essay Example #4: The Muscle Show

My parents are the scrapbooking type(( I’m intrigued by this hook! It makes me ask, “Where is this essay going?”)) . The crafty, crazy-cut scissors and construction paper, okay-everyone-make-a-silly-face-for-this-picture type.

Every summer, my entire family rents a small house in Wildwood, New Jersey for a week to catch up and enjoy the beach and good company. My favorite part is spending time with my cousin Steven, who is one year older than me. To us, there is nothing better than two pockets full of quarters, strolling down the boardwalk headed to an arcade, licking an ice cream cone, and laughing at all the novelty t-shirts for sale(( This sentence beautifully gives us a sense of place. It evokes a sense of nostalgia, too.)) .

We have a “down the shore” scrapbook proudly displayed on our coffee table that holds memories from each of our family vacations. The scrapbook(( Ah-ha. A quick answer to our scrapbooking question.)) is such a fixture in our house that it blends in with its surroundings and I fully forgot it existed until this past March. I happened to pick it up and look at pictures from the first year we went. I was four, Steven was five, and there we were, shirtless in the living room, proudly displaying our kid “muscles” in front of a handmade sign that said “WELCOME 2 THE MUSLE SHOW”.

I cried when I saw it.

No, not because we spelled muscle wrong. The four-year-old in that picture had such a small and fragile frame. I was the kind of child who almost looked like they had six-pack abs because they are so slim. There was so much naivety in that picture that no longer exists(( With this sentence, our writer begins to embark on their journey.)) .

I started gaining weight–a lot of weight–around the fifth grade. My parents are wonderful role models in the way they treat others, but they aren’t exactly paragons of healthy eating. Looking through the scrapbook, none of the adults in my family were particularly healthy. I distinctly remember my dad saying to me sometime in elementary school, “what do these people go to the gym for, anyway? What are you going to do with all those muscles?” I spent elementary and middle school on a steady diet of McDonald’s, Doritos, and video games.

I hit 200 pounds at age 14. One day in my least favorite class, PE, we had to do a push-up competition. Not only could I not do one, I was out of breath just getting up and down from the floor. Something had to change(( And here is our inciting incident in this narrative arc)) .

I turned to one thing I was good at to figure out a solution: reading. I read books like “Why We Get Fat” by Gary Taubes and started to learn the science behind calories, carbs, insulin, and soon, exercise. Even though neither of my parents had ever been inside a gym, I convinced them to buy me some training sessions and a membership that Christmas.

It’s remarkable what happens when you suddenly stop consuming fried chicken and soda, go for a daily 20-minute power walk, and exercise a few times a week. Progress in losing weight actually came sooner than I expected. By sophomore year, I was lifting weights four times a week after school and felt more comfortable in the gym than anywhere else.

I also noticed my attitude towards schoolwork was changing(( This is a good transition to widen the scope of the essay and talk about the broader implications of this journey on the writer’s life.)) . I felt like I had control in my life for the first time. I had spent countless hours trying to “level up” fake characters in video games (OK, I still do that…). But leveling up myself–my own body and mind–was life changing. So much in life is out of our control, but realizing that, at least to an extent, my own health is within my control brought a new sense of purpose, responsibility, and pride.

Today, I’m at a healthy weight, my grades have improved, and I have even taken several of my friends to the gym for their first time. I look forward to continuing my healthy trend in college and beyond.

I’ll see Steven again at this summer’s beach trip. We have decided to recreate the “musle show” picture–this time with better spelling and in better health(( This short conclusion wraps everything up and has a great callback to the beginning of the essay.)) .

Admissions Officer Notes on The Muscle Show

What I like about this essay is how it weaves together multiple parts of this writer’s life. We get their family background, their sense of self, and their values, interests, and goals. The writer takes us on a journey with them. We see their determination in finding solutions to the problems they’re facing, and we also clearly see their personality and voice.

• Upward-trending growth structure : This writer nails this essay structure. We clearly see that they begin at a “point A” where things aren’t so great, and they steadily make their way to “point B.” By the end, we truly get a sense of how they’ve grown through the journey.
• Connections: This essay isn’t just about the writer’s health journey. It’s also about their “sense of purpose, responsibility, and pride.” Their changes expanded to even more parts of their life, and we can see that they are a person who takes initiative and gets creative with solutions.
• Conclusion: I especially love the way this conclusion brings everything full-circle. The “musle show” reference at the end ties the journey nicely together with a bow and ends with a sense of forward movement.

College Essay Example #5: The Stop Sign

While some high schoolers get in trouble for skipping class, I get in trouble for arguing with my local government officials on Twitter. But when lives are at stake, I can take the heat(( Very catchy, humorous, and personality-filled hook)) .

I live at the intersection of 33rd and Spruce. The intersection itself sits between a large bend and a bundle of white oak trees—a recipe for obstructed views. Drivers careen around the corner, Indy 500-style, and are abruptly met with oncoming traffic. Neither can see the other through the oaks. What is otherwise a beautiful intersection makes for awfully dangerous driving conditions.

Living by this intersection my whole life, I’ve heard countless crashes and collisions. The screeching tires and cacophony of crushing car parts is seared in my mind. As neighbors, we are often the first on the scene. Cell phone in hand, I’ve run out to help several motorists who didn’t know what was coming. After the most recent crash, where a car flipped into the ditch, I knew that something had to change(( The writer has set the scene with a vivid description, and these sentences draw our attention to what’s at stake. They need a stop sign, and it’s clear that the writer is on a mission to get one.)) . We needed a stop sign.

I began with a google search, which led me to my local Stop Sign Request Form. According to the form, a government official would reach out to me. If they deemed it appropriate, we’d work together to assess whether the intersection qualified for a stop sign.

Their response took months. While I waited, I began collecting evidence on my own(( The writer’s initiative shines through.)) . After noticing that the security camera on my house pointed toward the intersection, I decided to put the skills I’d been developing in AP Computer Science to work. I wrote a simple code that tabulated the number of cars that passed through the intersection each day(( Here we see the technical skills the writer is developing.)) . Briefly reviewing the footage each night also helped me determine how many cars were likely going over the posted speed limit of forty miles per hour. Alongside these statistics, I went back into our cloud history to find footage of the crashes that had occurred.

When I finally heard back from the city, I was ready to make my case. My confidence deflated as soon as I opened the email(( Oh no! There’s a roadblock. Things aren’t progressing as the writer hoped.)) : Thank you for filling out a Stop Sign Request Form , the email read. At this time, we do not have reason to believe that the intersection of 33rd Street and Spruce Street meets the criteria for a two-way stop sign. The city had disagreed with my recommendation and denied my request.

I took a moment to collect myself. How could the city not care about the safety of its citizens? Were human lives not worth looking into a simple stop sign? I took to Twitter, posting statistics from my research, photos of the obstructed view, and a security camera compilation of cars speeding by. I tagged my local representatives, and I asked for help(( But the writer doesn’t focus on the problem. They continue to focus on their action steps and solutions. That’s exactly how you talk about a personal challenge in a college essay.)) .

While not all of them were receptive to my post, one particularly helpful representative connected me with my city’s City Engineer. The representative instructed me to send the City Engineer all of the evidence I had collected along with another copy of my Stop Sign Request Form.

The engineer was impressed with the code I wrote and the tracking system I’d put together, and she agreed to meet me at my house to do an inspection of the intersection. I accompanied her on the inspection so I could watch what she did. After working so hard to advocate for my community, it felt good to have my opinions heard.

In the end, I got my stop sign(( The writer emphasizes that it wasn’t just about winning the stop sign debate. It was about the community impact. And what do admissions officers want to see? Yep, community impact.)) . Drivers still occasionally speed, but I was astounded by the outpouring of thanks I received after my neighborhood was alerted of the change. My foray into local government was an eventful but rewarding one. And even though I’ve secured my stop sign, I’ll still be doing stop sign research this summer— this time as an intern at the City Engineer’s office(( And the writer pops in this awesome opportunity they’ve earned as a result. As an AO, I would see that they are continuing to prepare for college as their high school career is coming to a close.)) .

Word Count: 641

Admissions Officer Notes on The Stop Sign

This essay combines a story of personal strengths with an impactful accomplishment. It’s not necessary to write about one of your accomplishments in your college essays, but if that’s the route you want to go down, then this approach is a good one. Notice how it focuses on concrete action steps, emphasizes the skills the writer learned and used, and highlights how their actions impacted their community. A stop sign may seem small in the grand scheme of things, but the writer shows just how important this effort was.

• Community impact: The accomplishment this writer chose to write about is an impressive one. Admissions officers are always looking at how applicants interact with their communities , so this story showcases the writer’s willingness to help and engage with those around them.
• Strengths: Above all, we see that the writer is solutions-oriented. They are a “founder” or “builder” archetype and aren’t afraid to tackle hard problems. The writer also explicitly shows how they solved the problem using impressive skills.
• Narrative momentum : This essay is easy to read because we’re always wondering what’s going to happen next. The hook is very catchy, the ups and downs of the writer’s struggle to solve this problem are clear, and the conclusion points to the overall significance of the story and looks toward its future impact.

College Essay Example #6: Fran’s Flower Farm

Surrounded(( The hook is interesting and vivid.)) by carnations, dahlias, and marigolds, I laid down on the hard dirt, sweating from the midday sun. While my garden was a labor of love, it was still a labor. I’d spent months during the beginning of the pandemic researching how to set up beds correctly, choose seeds and fertilizers, and run a small business(( We get plopped right into the story without wasting any time.)) . A year later, this summer would be the second harvest of Fran’s Flower Farm.

As I prepared the yield for my small table at that week’s farmers market, I reflected on how far I had come(( This transitional phrase is a quick and convenient way to incorporate reflection.)) . Prior to the pandemic, I had never even dug in the dirt. I didn’t know anything about seed germination or nitrogen levels. I had my own Instagram, but I had never had to market anything or think about overhead costs. I was a total and complete newb.

But my life, like everyone’s, changed in spring of 2020. Lockdown rendered me depressed and hopeless until one day when my mom ordered me a bouquet of flowers along with our grocery delivery. The bouquet was a simple grocery store arrangement of sunflowers. A few petals were wilting at the ends, and the stems were smashed from the flour that had been in the same plastic bag. But they were perfect. Such a small and thoughtful gesture, that bouquet inspired me to get to work(( Nice—here we learn about the “inciting incident” that compelled the writer to get started on their flower farm.)) .

Lucky enough to have space for flower beds, I mapped out four different six-foot beds in my backyard. Garden tools stolen from my mom and borrowed from socially-distanced neighbors in hand, I added compost, arranged my seeds, watered, and mulched. I laid protective plastic over my beds, tucking them in like a child, and wrapped the garden in decade-old chickenwire I found in our barn. My garden was imperfect–compost trailed between beds, my hose wrapped around my shovel in a heap on the ground, and the chickenwire was dented and rusty. But it was all mine, and it was alive(( I like this paragraph because we really see the writer’s personality. They are determined, innovative, and grateful.)) .

As the pandemic waged on, I tended to my flowers. Each morning, I’d peek under the plastic to see how they had fared throughout the night. They gave me routine and purpose when the days seemed droning and neverending. The longer I kept them alive, the more their sprouts brought me life, too(( This is a very nice and poetic point.)) . In a world that seemed to come to a halt, my flowers showed me that growth wasn’t just possible–it was happening right in front of me.

The business side came soon after(( The transition here could be a touch smoother.)) . Later that summer, once my first crop had bloomed, I set up a roadside stand outside of my house. At that point, I had to put my flower buckets across the driveway from my stand to keep everyone safe. But my flowers brightened the days of hundreds of passing motorists. With growing confidence, I secured a spot at the farmer’s market by July, my business boomed(( I’d like to see some specific details here about how well the business was doing.)) . Returning all profits to my garden, I’ve expanded my operations to include two more flower beds this year.

I’m proud of how far my gardening and business skills have come, but what has been most fulfilling about Fran’s Flower Farm have been the connections I’ve made. The pandemic was difficult for everyone, but it was especially difficult for healthcare workers. As the child of a healthcare worker myself, these challenges have been close to home. Knowing how greatly that bouquet of sunflowers affected me, I make sure to donate flowers(( And this sweet gesture shows another one of the writer’s strengths.)) to my local hospital in thanks every week.

Three years ago, I would never have guessed that I’d own my own flower farm. It’s brought me so many joys, challenges, and friends. I know I won’t be able to bring my flower farm with me to college. But the heart of the farm is more than the flowers(( Here, the writer wraps up the main theme of the essay and makes sure the reader really understands the point.)) . It’s about me learning and using my skills to help others. Wherever I’m planted, I know that I will bloom(( This phrasing is cliche. The writer could re-write the idea in their own words.)) .

Word Count: 643

AO Notes on Fran’s Flower Farm Grade: A

I don’t know about you, but I’d love to buy a bouquet of flowers from this student! While the ending is a bit cliche, we really see how far this student has come in their journey as a farmer and a business person. We also see the magnitude of their impact. They not only grew a successful small business, but they also gave back to the healthcare workers in their community. The student is definitely one I could see thriving in a campus community.

• Topic and accomplishments : Like The Stop Sign, this essay conveys an impressive accomplishment. But the essay isn’t bragging about it or overstating its significance. It works well because the writer tells a genuine story about a passion they developed.
• Variety: The writer also manages to show us two distinct strengths in one essay. We see their strength as a DIY farmer and as a business person. They are clearly a founder archetype.
• Organization and style: The essay opens with a beautiful description, and we get a lot of good language throughout. The writer is able to go through a fairly complicated timeline in a concise and digestible way.

Good College Essay Examples

Not every student can write an exceptional college essay. And that’s okay. Sometimes it’s not one of your priorities or in your particular skill set.

Thankfully, college essays don’t have to be exceptional to earn admission. They can simply be good. You can still write a solid college essay that does everything you need it to do.

So what’s the difference between the best college essays and good college essays? Usually it’s writing style. Some writers have a gift for writing or have spent years practicing their craft, and those are usually the writers who produce essays that make admissions officers gasp.

But admissions officers recognize good, solid writing and storytelling, too.

So writing a good college essay should always be your main goal. Focus on the basics first before trying to level up to an exceptional essay.

College Essay Example #7: My Emotional Support Water Bottle

I had a stuffed animal named Elephant when I was a child(( This hook makes a statement that compels me to read on so I can figure out what they’re referring to.)) . I’ve long since outgrown Elephant, but now I have a new object that I keep around for comfort: my emotional support water bottle. A gray thirty-two-ounce wide-mouth Hydroflask, my emotional support water bottle accompanies me everywhere.

The water bottle was a gift last Christmas after I begged my mom for one. The brand had become extremely popular at my school, and I wanted in on the trend. When I opened the package that Christmas morning, I was elated. I felt an immediate attachment, and I was proud that I could finally fit in with the other kids at my school(( Here we learn about the connection between the waterbottle and the writer’s values)) .

I had always felt like an outsider(( In this paragraph, the writer zooms the focus out to their life in general. We need this reflection to understand why the topic matters so much to the writer.)) . Other students seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces. But as much as I tried, I couldn’t find a picture that matched my piece. I envied the tight-knit friendships I saw among my peers.

As soon as I unwrapped my water bottle, I decided that I needed stickers to match. The kids at my school always had stickers on theirs. I found the perfect pack. It had animated depictions of every famous literary character imaginable. Jane Austen characters, Jay Gatsby, Sherlock Holmes, Guy Montag, Jane Eyre, and more. I couldn’t believe my luck.

No matter how disconnected I felt from my classmates, I could always find a community on my bookshelf(( The writer introduces another topic, literature, that tells us more about who they are.)) . I sat in the courtroom with Atticus Finch, walked through the streets of Saint Petersburg with Raskolnikov, and watched the revolution unfold alongside Satrapi. My literary friends kept me optimistic through difficult times, and I was glad to see them every day on my beloved Hydroflask.

After winter break ended, I couldn’t wait to debut my new accessory. I placed it atop my desk in each class, angling my favorite stickers outward in hopes of connection. I was profoundly comforted by its presence—I could always take a sip of water when I felt thirsty or uncomfortable, and its stickers promised to draw people in.

To my dismay(( This paragraph serves an important plot function. We see that everything, in fact, did not work out perfectly. By highlighting this challenge, we really get a sense of the writer’s problem-solving and resilience.)) , weeks went by, and no one noticed my Hydroflask or stickers. The school was filled with dozens more Hydroflasks after the holidays, so mine didn’t seem so special. What had once filled me with so much hope and support transformed into a reminder of an unfulfilled promise of friendship.

I coped with the disappointment by re-reading one of my childhood favorites, Le Petit Prince . Near the end, when the little prince returns to water his flower, I had a realization. I couldn’t wait around for people to come to me(( Ding, ding, ding! Here we have it. The main lesson the writer has learned. What’s great, too, is that they’ve stated it so clearly.)) . I had to bring the water to them.

The next day at school, I held my Hydroflask close and gathered all my courage. I headed into the lunch room and spotted Jordan, one of the people I’d chatted with in class. She was sitting alone at a table, reading a book I couldn’t identify. I asked if I could join her. Nodding, she told me about her book, White Teeth . When I placed my Hydroflask on the lunch table, she noticed my stickers(( This sentence is crucial because it ties all these threads together: the waterbottle, stickers, literature, and friendship/fitting in.)) . Together, we went through every sticker and talked about the character’s book.

Jordan and I spent the next day’s lunch exchanging laughter and book recommendations. She had a water bottle of her own, too. It was a classic Nalgene without a single sticker. As our friendship grew stronger, I brought Jordan the last sticker from my collection(( With this small gesture, we see a) the writer’s kindness and b) the writer’s personal growth.)) , a rainbow bookmark that read, “BOOKWORM.”

I’ve always looked to the world around me for comfort instead of finding courage within myself. Elephant still sits on my shelf, I continue to be an avid reader, and I always carry my Hydroflask around for hydration. But this learning process has taught me the importance of having confidence and finding the ability to reach out to others. I can’t wait to carry this skill with me to college— after I get some more stickers(( The conclusion ties all these threads together beautifully, and this final statement adds some spunk and forward movement.)) .

Word Count: 648

Admissions Officer Notes on My Emotional Support Waterbottle

Ah, the emotional support water bottle. We’ve all had one! This writer does a wonderful job connecting an otherwise simple object to a larger story about an important part of their life. We also learn a lot about the student, their background, their goals, and their interests from this essay. I especially like how the essay shows the writer’s academic passion (literature) without being an explicitly academic-focused essay.

What makes this essay good:

• Storytelling: With their love of reading, it’s no wonder this writer is a good storyteller. As readers, we get a very clear sense of how the events progressed and changed the reader’s perspective.
• Compelling hook: This essay’s introduction is attention-grabbing and quirky. It compels readers to continue on in the essay to find out what, exactly the writer is talking about.
• Clean conclusion: The conclusion is a fantastic example of what college essay conclusions should do. It reflects back on the essay, ties up loose ends, and looks forward to how these lessons will apply to the writer’s future.

What the writer could do to level up:

• Core Strengths: While we learn a lot about the writer from the essay, there could be a stronger sense of core strengths. We see that they are a strong reader, but that strength doesn’t necessarily connect to their overall message. We also see that they are eager to connect and become a good friend with Jordan, but they don’t all connect seamlessly into a specific archetype or two. A good question to ask yourself is: how would the strengths I show in this essay convince an admissions officer that I will be a good addition to their campus?

College Essay Example #8: Party of One

The sun shone through my airplane window, hitting the tray table exactly right to reveal the greasy handprint of a child. Beside me, a woman cleared her throat as she rifled through her purse, and the tween next to her tapped away on an iPad. The knees of the tall man behind me pushed against the back of my chair. Together, we headed to Pennsylvania(( We open with clear scene-setting, and the final sentence jumps right to the point: we’re on a journey to PA.)) .

This wasn’t my first trip to Pennsylvania, and it wouldn’t be my last. But it was my first trip traveling as a party of one. Barely past the unaccompanied minor cutoff, I departed for a month-long and court-ordered trip to my dad’s house. I wasn’t eager to travel alone. I felt afraid, too young to do this by myself. I wanted to go back home. But I decided to embrace the journey as an adventure(( This explicit reflection helps us, the reader, understand what mindset the writer is at at the beginning of this journey.)) .

With the growing whirr of the engines, the plane ascended. All around me, my neighbors breathed sighs of relief when we reached cruising altitude. I tightened my seatbelt across my lap, steadying myself for the five-hour trip, and took in the scene. Always the quiet and careful observer(( And here we really learn about who the writer is)) , a full flight was my Sistine Chapel.

The woman to my right was wearing all black. She extracted her laptop from her bag the moment the flight attendants permitted, and she created a PowerPoint presentation from scratch before the drinks cart had even started down the aisle. She was all business. I imagined that she signed her emails with nothing but her name, that she read Keynes in her free time, and that people listened when she spoke. She was everything I longed to be(( While the majority of this paragraph is about the writer’s seat mate, this final sentence brings the focus back to the writer. We learn that the description, in fact, was about the writer themself—everything they “longed to be.”)) .

Next was the tween, only a few years younger than I was. Clearly afraid of flying, the tween reached across the aisle to a man who was presumably her father. I found it endearing that she reached out in fear. The dad’s reassurance didn’t just comfort the tween. It comforted me. So far from home, his quiet calm reminded me of the parent waiting to pick me up at the other end of this journey. I remembered reaching out for my own father’s hand when we flew to Pennsylvania for the first time(( Here we have more great reflection about the writer’s relationship with their dad. )) . Now, I watched the dad squeeze the tween’s hand. I felt guilty for the frustration I felt about the trip. I was excited to see my dad.

And finally, there was the man behind me. Aside from the brief glimpse I got during boarding, I didn’t know what he looked like. But there were two things I knew to be true. First, he was tall. The longer the flight went on, the more apologetically his knees bumped against my seat. Second, I felt emboldened by his ability to take up space. With each nudge forward, I spread myself a little bigger(( The writer’s encounter with this man nudged their growth forward. At the beginning, they felt small and timid. Now, they’re more able to take up space.)) , daring to exist in a world I normally wanted to hide from.

Four hours into the flight, turbulence hit. The long-legged man yelped as his knee hit the metal of the seat. Bigger now(( And that growth is solidified even more through this brief transition statement.)) , I was able to brace myself against the impact. I looked to the tween, who I expected to be a wreck. Instead, I saw a calm girl handing napkins to her dad, whose drink had spilled in the commotion. Her care for him mirrored the care he had shown for her. The woman next to me, who had seemed so steadfast, gasped when the plane shot downward. Her hand reached for her chest as she caught herself, surprised. I moved my arm from our shared armrest, giving her space(( This last part gives a very subtle look at the writer’s growth, too. We see that the person the writer admired isn’t as strong as she had seemed. In fact, the writer’s growth has enabled them to help the woman in her moment of weakness.)) . She smiled in appreciation.

After the turbulence had ended, I looked at myself. My hands were folded neatly in my lap. I realized that although I was flying solo, I was surrounded by strangers whose stories intersected with my own(( This point could be more specific.)) . When we landed, I ran into my dad’s arms. “ You’ve grown ,” he smiled.

Admissions Officer Notes on Party of One

This essay is an endearing story about the writer’s first solo plane ride. The narrative is what we would characterize as a “going on a journey” essay—both literally and figuratively. As the writer makes this cross-country trip, they also go through a long personal journey. I especially like the tie between the introduction and conclusion. Along the way, we also learn about the writer through their observations of the other people on the flight.

• Introduction: The first two paragraphs draw the reader in, descriptively set the scene, and establish what is at stake for the writer. We are dropped right into the journey alongside them.
• Vivid language: Throughout the essay, the writer uses interesting and vivid language that helps draw the reader in. The details aren’t overwhelming but add depth to the narrative.
• Reflection throughout: One of the most challenging parts of writing this kind of essay is figuring out how to incorporate your reflection throughout. Many writers mistakenly save it all to the end. But this writer does it the right way by adding reflection at each stop along their journey.

Focus on the self: As-is, this essay tells us a lot about the writer. But it’s nearing on committing one of the biggest college essay writing faux pas: focusing on people other than yourself. I think the writer is getting close to that line but doesn’t yet cross it because of the reflection throughout. But to make the essay even better, the writer could still draw more focus to their own experiences.

College Essay Example #9: My Greatest Talent

I’m a klutz(( Quirky but not too out-there hook that has a lot of personality)) —that’s it, that’s my greatest talent. I’ve honed my clumsiness to perfection, putting in more than my 10,000 hours over the last… 17 years of my life.

When I was six or seven, I was always the one tripping over my own feet, knocking things over. (“This is why we can’t have nice things!” my mom used to scream, half in jest and half in exasperation.) My parents used to joke that I was the only person who could trip on a flat surface. But unfortunately for me, despite doing my due diligence into flat-earth theory(( Here’s more humor that adds some interest and voice to the essay.)) , I found that there was a prevailingly devilish curve to everything around me. If it had a lip, an edge, or a slick spot, I found it.

As I got older(( Excellent signposting to guide the reader through the narrative)) , my talent for being a klutz grew. I managed to trip over my own backpack on a daily basis, and I once fell down a flight of stairs while holding a tray of cookies (I was trying to be a good hostess, but it didn't end well). My friends and family came to expect it, and after those first few years of irritated glances, they began to meet my clumsiness with a laugh and an extended hand.

Being a klutz isn't all bad(( Here, the writer flips our expectations on their head. We’re about to learn about how being clumsy is, in fact, a talent.)) . In fact, it has some pretty decent perks. For one thing, it’s helped me become more empathetic. I know what it feels like to stumble and fall (and stumble and fall, and stumble and fall, and…), and I’m always ready to offer a kind word and a hug to someone who’s having a tough time. I also have a great sense of humor(( We’ve already seen this strength in action at the beginning of the essay, so it’s another good one to highlight.)) —a defense mechanism thanks to all of the embarrassing moments that I’ve created for myself. And let's not forget the fact that I am never bored. There is always something to trip over or knock over. Neither I nor anyone around me ever lacks for entertainment.

One of the biggest benefits of being a klutz is the unexpected friendships(( Friendship is another good strength. But at this point, the essay is starting to feel somewhat list-like. It may have been better to delve more deeply into fewer strengths rather than try to cover so much at once.)) it has given me. For example(( This is a good concrete anecdote that demonstrates the point, though.)) , I once tripped and fell into a ditch while hiking with a group of near-strangers I had met at a trailhead. Surrounded by brambles and thorns, three of them jumped right down with me to hoist me out. My graceless tumble became an inside joke of the trip and we all ended up becoming good friends. I was still embarrassed, of course, but I’m grateful that my clumsiness opened up a new door for friendship that day.

Being a klutz has also taught me to be patient with myself(( Again, we have another good strength, but it’s a lot to cover in one short essay.)) , and to not take myself too seriously. It has taught me to always be prepared for the unexpected, and to always have a good sense of humor. And most importantly, it has taught me to be kind to others(( And yet another strength! Especially since these are related, combining them in a more substantial way may have been more effective.)) , especially when they are having a tough time.

So, if you are looking for someone who’s a little bit quirky and a lot of fun, I’m your girl. I may not be the most graceful person on the planet, or on your campus, but I am confident, kind, and always up for a good laugh. Anyway, where's the fun in being graceful? Just, please, if you do accept me—I’d really appreciate some foam bumpers on the sharp surfaces in my dorm(( More wonderful personality to wrap things up hete. It's approaching being too informal, though.)) .

Word Count: 548

Admissions Officer Notes on My Greatest Talent

This essay is kind of a goofy one. I’ve included it as an example because I want to show you that it’s okay for your college essay to have some personality! Your college essay doesn’t have to be a big, serious rumination on some deep topic. Especially if you’re a goofy person yourself, it’s completely okay for you to choose a more light-hearted topic that showcases your personality. If you do, just be sure to follow this writer’s lead and still write an essay that showcases your strengths.

• Topic choice and personal voice: When we read this essay, we get a crystal clear picture of who the student is because the topic allows them to really write in their own voice. I feel like I know the student after reading it.
• Strengths: All college essays should communicate a core strength to the reader. This essay does an exceptional job at transforming something most people would consider a weakness—being clumsy—into clear strengths—empathy, humor, friendship, patience. Overall, we see that the writer
• Writing style: The biggest tweak this writer could make would be leveling up the writing style. As it is now, it reads like a five-paragraph essay: first I did this, then this, and then this third thing. Changing up the organization and topic sentences could help the writing come across as more mature.

College Essay Example #10: Counting Cards

I am a psychic who thinks in terms of fours and threes(( This hook raises a lot of questions: What is the writer referring to? It does read, however, as a bit disingenuous and overly quirky.)) . Deal me any hand of Gin, and I can guarantee I’ll have you beat. I stare at the cards in my hand and see numbers moving in my mind. Like a mathemetician at a chalkboard, I plan out my next move. I use logic, memory, and a little bit of luck to guess exactly what your hand looks like. The possible combinations seem endless—four Kings and a run of three, three nines and four Queens, a run of four and three sevens, and many, many more. What I love most about playing Gin is the predictability. While I may not know what’s coming, I can use what I already know to strategize, adapt, and have fun along the way(( Here we have a clear gesture toward the essay’s overall theme.)) .

My Gin career began as a small child. My aunt taught me how to play the game while we were camping. My hands were so small that we had to use a chip clip to keep the cards in place(( These first three sentences are very choppy because they all have the same length and structure.)) . I was at first intimated by the “big kid game,” as I called it then, but soon I couldn’t get enough. I forced my entire family to play, and I even roped in the kids at the campsite next to us. My aunt, a mathematician, is a skilled Gin player. She passed her tips and tricks along to me. After a few years of playing, she was the only opponent I couldn’t beat.

Last summer was the first time it finally happened. I bested her. I had a hand with three Aces and a run of Spades. I needed another Ace or a three or seven of Spades. When I drew that final Ace from the deck, I could hardly believe it. I paused to count my cards again(( This description paints a wonderful picture of the writer, their aunt, and the relationship between them.)) . I drew my hands to my chest, looked up at my aunt slowly and triumphantly, and calmly declared, “Gin.” My aunt squealed and embraced me, proud of all the progress her protegee had made.

This win came from a year of hard work(( This is an effective transition that allows the writer to talk about all the work they put in.)) . I read every book on Gin I could find at the library, watched countless YouTube videos, and became an expert on Gin’s more lively counterpart, Gin Rummy. Learning and practicing drew me into a huge online community of Gin enthusiasts. I never thought that I’d meet some of my best friends through a card game, but I did. Every night, we’d compete against each other. And with each match, my skills would sharpen like a knife on a honing steel. When I finally beat my aunt, I hadn’t just won the game. I’d won lifelong friends and greater reasoning skills(( And here is a bit of reflection sprinkled in at the end. There definitely could be more reflection throughout.)) .

Gin players aren’t internationally recognized for their intellectual prowess like chess or Scrabble. I’ve learned other games and played them successfully, but nothing has come close to the joy and challenge I feel while playing Gin. I love predicting what your opponent holds and what you’ll draw next, betting on your perfect card being in the draw deck, chatting with your opponent as you deal the next round, and earning bragging rights after winning a match—all of it is the perfect mix of strategy and community. When I head off to college in the fall, the first thing I’ll pack will be a deck of cards(( This is a sweet ending that looks forward to the future. The conclusion could have touched more specifically on why all of this is so meaningful to the writer.)) .

Word Count: 549

Admissions Officer Notes on Counting Cards

This essay chronicles a writer’s journey learning how to play the card game Gin. I really like how much the writer and their personality shine through. Like the My Greatest Talent essay, Counting Cards is a great example of how to write a fun, light-hearted essay that still speaks to your strengths.

• Topic: Admissions officers see lots of essays about chess and sports. But it’s pretty rare to see one about Gin. The topic (and enthusiasm with which the student writes about the topic) give this essay a good personal voice.
• Connections: The writer also makes stellar connections between a simple game and the people who are most meaningful to them: their family and friends.
• Strengths: Even with a topic as simple as a card game, the writer manages to highlight their strengths of work ethic and camaraderie.
• Higher stakes: We see that the game of Gin is really important to the writer. We also see how the game is connected to their relationship with their aunt and to the new community they found online. But I’m left wanting a little bit more reflection and vulnerability about why Gin is so meaningful to this writer.

College Essay Example #11: Golden Hills Animal Clinic

On my best days at work, I’m surrounded by puppies, kittens, and rainbows(( This hook is interesting, but it's quite cliche.)) . On my worst, I watch people say tearful goodbyes to their best friends. Working at the front desk of Golden Hills Animal Clinic, I’ve seen it all. I’ve learned a lot about people through their pets. I’ve also learned a lot about myself(( Here, we get straight to the point of what this essay is going to be about.)) .

I began working in the clinic two summers ago. I’m known in my family as the “ Snow White(( What a sweet detail about this writer’s background)) ” because I’ve always had a special connection with animals. I had nearly started a new colony of stray cats in my backyard by the time I was nine. I’ve nursed more sick and injured birds than I can count. I’ve discovered all kinds of insects, snakes, and lizards in my neighborhood. Now, at the front desk, I get to welcome the animals and their humans. I share in their joys and console them at their lows.

After(( This topic sentence does a good job structuring the paragraph, but it could be clearer how this paragraph connects to the overall idea of the essay.)) watching thousands of animals struggle, you think you’d get used to the pain and suffering. But each hurt, injured, or elderly animal I check in stings just the same. When I’m in the back room helping prepare the animals for surgeries or procedures, I look into their eyes and desperately try to communicate that everything will be okay. The worst part is knowing that the animals can tell something is wrong but don’t understand what is happening. And when their owners walk past my front desk, I reassure them that we’re treating their pets as our own.

But with life’s hard moments also come the happiest ones. It’s easy to become dejected by the sad times, but working at the clinic has actually given me more hope(( Ah-ha! We learn that even though the writer witnesses a lot of sadness at the clinic, the experience has actually given them more hope.)) . There’s nothing like seeing small puppies, feet too big for their bodies, prance through the waiting room. I’ve witnessed children comfort cats through holes in carriers, and I’ve become inspired by the assertiveness with which our veterinarians make critical decisions to help animals. Through all this, I’ve learned that those little pockets of happiness, care, and determination are what make life worth living(( This sentence helps ground the reader in the writer’s theme.)) .

I’ve also learned that veterinary medicine is as much about the people as it is the pets. Sometimes owners have to be convinced about the best care plan for their pets. Sometimes others aren’t able to afford the care they desperately want to get. People come in worried about nothing or not worried enough. Part of managing the front desk is having the ability to read where a person is coming from the moment they start speaking. Seeing things from customers’ perspectives helps me provide better customer service to the people and the pets. If I sense that a customer is worried about cost, I can talk to them about payment plans. If someone seems overwhelmed by the options, I ask if they’d like to speak with the vet again. In all these cases, I feel proud to provide as much help as I can. Doing so makes sure that our animals receive the best care possible(( We get a good sense of the writer’s strengths in this paragraph, but by the end, it still doesn’t really connect back to the theme.)) .

Now, as an aspiring veterinarian myself(( And with this small note, we learn all that’s at stake: the writer wants to be a vet in the future, so all of these experiences are important preparation .)) , I know that the rest of my career will be filled with the happiest and saddest moments of people’s lives. My care for animals will turn tragedies into miracles. I’ll console owners of sick pets, and I’ll help bring new life into the world. Veterinary medicine is a lot like life in general. You can’t have the good without the bad. But I’ve never met a pet owner who wouldn’t trade the pain of animal loss for even one fleeting, happy moment with their furry friend. Animals make the world a better place. Like Snow White(( Clever call back to tie the essay together)) , I’ll continue listening to animals so I can make their world a little better too.

Word Count: 615

Admissions Officer Notes on Golden Hills Animal Clinic

This essay tells a good story about this writer’s time working at an animal clinic. What I like about this essay is that the writer doesn’t sugar coat things, but they also don’t dwell on the sadness that passes through the clinic. They are real about their experiences, and they draw valuable lessons from them. They also show the importance of this story by connecting it to their future goals.

• Strengths: We clearly see the strengths this writer brings to the clinic. They are understanding, patient, and positive. We also clearly see how these strengths will help the writer be a good veterinarian in the future.
• Topic sentences and transitions: Although the paragraphs get unwieldy at times, the writer’s clear topic sentences and transitions help us seamlessly progress through the narrative.
• Being more direct and concise: At times, it feels like the writer rambles instead of making clear, direct points. Rambling can distract the reader from the main point you’re trying to make, so it’s best to stay on track in each paragraph.
• Fewer cliches: Relying on cliches shows immaturity in your writing. Cliches like “puppies, kittens, and rainbows” and “with the bad comes the good” get in the way of the writer’s own voice.

College Essay Example #12: The Filmmaker

Eye to the lens, I feel in complete control. The old camera weighs heavy in my hands as I quietly point my leading actor to the other side of the frame. Taking a moment to look at the world through my own eyes rather than a lens, I make a decision. I back up, careful not to trip, and capture the wide, panning shot I had envisioned. Filmmaking allows me to show others exactly how I see the world. With an odd angle or lingering aside, I can take my audience on a journey through my eyes(( This introduction raises a lot of questions that propel us forward through the essay: what is the writer doing? What is it that they want to show the world? Why does this all matter?)) .

What’s beautiful about filmmaking is that there are several art forms occurring simultaneously(( We begin with a paragraph that dives deep into the writer’s interest.)) . At the foundation of a scene is the script. Words that draw a viewer in and keep them there, the script is an essential act of creative writing. Next there’s the acting. An art of performance, acting brings the script to life. A good actor will make an audience feel as if they are with the characters, feeling what they feel and doing what they do. Then there’s the direction and filmmaking. Choices about how to translate a three-dimensional world to pixels on a screen drastically affect the audience’s experience. And, finally, there’s the editing. Editing is where all of the other art forms converge, selected and chopped up and stitched back together to create something even better than the original.

I’ve never been one for writing or acting. But the latter two, filmmaking and editing, are where my passions lie(( And here we learn about the writer’s main passion, inspirations, and journey as a filmmaker.)) . Inspired by my favorite movie, ET , I began filmmaking in elementary school. Borrowing my mom’s Flip UltraHD camera, I’d run around my home, filming everything in sight. Soon after, I started gathering my neighborhood friends in my backyard and directing them in made-up film productions. Our films took us on journeys around the world. We were pirates in the Atlantic, merchants in Paris, and kangaroos in Australia. We learned how to tell stories and create and resolve conflicts. In the process, we learned about ourselves, each other, and the world around us.

My love for editing didn’t come until later(( This is an okay topic sentence that helps us understand where we’re at in the narrative, but the paragraph as a whole could more clearly relate to the writer’s overall theme.)) . When my family upgraded our ancient Gateway 2000 to a sleek iMac, I became an iMovie aficionado. I learned how to use all the features and enter in keyboard shortcuts. I became a sculptor. Instead of clay, my material was digital. I’d split clips in half, manually zoom in to my subject, and add filters that changed the whole tone of a shot. Shift + Command + F, and I’d play my clips in full screen, evaluating them with the eye of a film critic. Was my shot effective? Are the actors convincing? Is there anything odd in the background? If I had never seen this, what would I think and feel? Then I’d repeat the process, over and over again.

Some people might say that dedicating myself to filmmaking is frivolous in a world with more pressing problems. But filmmaking is a way to spread messages and give people hope. From the change wrought by An Inconvenient Truth to the laughter Mr. Bean has incited in millions, filmmaking is a way to bring art, truth, and laughter to everyone. More accessible than books or newspapers, film and TV couldn’t be more essential media to confront the problems of today. With the passion of my ten-year-old self, the films I’ll continue to make will have an impact(( We conclude by learning about the writer’s interest in using filmmaking to impact the world. The writer could dig a little deeper here—it stays mainly on the surface.)) .

Word Count: 563

Admissions Officer Notes on The Filmmaker

In this essay, we get a great sense of how excited the writer is about filmmaking. They take us on their journey learning about filmmaking, and they explain how their interest will serve them in the future. I especially enjoy how this essay oozes passion. By the end of the essay, we have no doubt about what this writer sees as their life’s calling.

• Organization: The introduction , background, explanation, and discussion of personal growth all cohere perfectly. The writer walks us through each step of their journey in a clear and logical way.
• Voice: Through all the rich descriptions of the writer’s childhood, we really see their personality and voice.
• Significance and meaning : While it’s clear that this topic is one the writer is passionate about, the essay could evoke more meaning. It’s not apparent what’s truly at stake. The writer should ask and answer the question: “So what?” In answering that question, they’ll be able to be more vulnerable throughout the essay.

“Bad” College Essay Examples

“Bad” is in quotation marks here because writing is always relative.

In the case of these examples, we have categorized them as “bad” because they don’t adequately meet the expectations of a college essay. That doesn’t mean that they’re objectively bad or that their writers are bad writers. It means that the essays need some more attention.

“Bad” essays can always become good essays. Sometimes they can even become the best essays. What matters most is identifying what’s not working and putting in a lot of effort to address the problems.

Across the thousands of college essays we read as admissions officers, there are several issues that arise again and again. Learning from these issues can help you avoid them.

We have a whole post about those biggest college essay mistakes. But the following examples commit three different writing faux pas:

• Too much metaphor and not enough substance
• No main point or clear organization
• About a topic that is important to the writer but not actually that high-stakes

With these mistakes in mind, let’s do some analysis.

College Essay Example #13: Lost in the Forest

I look into the forest, moss wet on my feet(( This is an intriguing hook.)) . There’s fog everywhere—I can barely see the glasses that sit on my nose. I feel a cool breeze rustle against my coat. I am cold and warm all at once. The sun shines through the fog, casting the shadow of a tree whose roots know no end. At the entrance to the forest, I stand frozen in time and space. I can’t see what’s ahead of me or behind me, only what is(( After this sentence, the metaphor becomes unclear.)) . And what is suddenly transforms into what could be. I see a fork in the pathway in front of me. The noise—the noise is so loud. Crickets and owls and tigers, oh my(( Avoid cliche phrases.)) . My thoughts scream even louder. I can’t hear myself think through the sounds of the forest of my mind. Off in the distance, I see a figure. It’s a shadow figure. It’s my mother. She’s walking towards me. I take a step into the forest, fearlessly ready to confront any overwhelming obstacle that comes my way(( This is a nice sentence that encapsulates the main theme of the essay.)) .

When I was a child, I used to play in the forest behind my house. Until one day when I caught my mom sneaking a cigarette outside. She tried to hide it behind her back, but I could see the smoke trailing over her head like a snail. I didn’t know what to do, so I ran farther into the forest. I am used to being disappointed by her. I ran and ran and ran until I tripped over a tree branch that fell in the storm the week before. I laid on the cold, hard ground. The back of me was soaked. Would I turn into my mom? After that, I decided to turn back. The cold was encroaching. I got home and saw my mom in the kitchen. We agreed not to speak of what I saw(( This paragraph could use some more details about what’s at stake: why does all of this matter? As readers, we need more information about the writer’s relationship with their mom to understand why this confrontation was so significant.)) .

While taking a history test, I looked around at my classmates. The gray desk was cold against my skin. I started counting the people around me, noting those who I knew well and those I had never really talked to. I looked at all the expensive backpacks and shoes. After our test, I asked the person next to me how she thought she did. She said it was a difficult test, and I agreed. Every class period, we’d talk more and more. We became friends. We started hanging out with another friend from biology class. We were inseparable, like three peas in a pod. We’d study together and hang out together and dance. They were the best friends I ever had. We liked to play soccer after school and sing loudly to music in my room. But one day it all stopped. They both stopped talking to me((It's not clear how this anecdote relates to the anecdote about the writer’s mother. The significance of the forest metaphor could also be drawn out more.)) . It was like I had been yanked out of the forest and thrown on to the forest floor. I became moss, the owls pecking at my spikey green tendrils. They found two other friends, and I sat alone at my desk in history again. It was like another test, but this time a history of my own.

Things went on like this for years. Over and over again I got put back into the forest. My friends who I thought were my friends actually were just drama machines. Life is foggy when you don’t know what’s going on. And I live in a forest that’s always foggy. Try as I might to find myself, it’s easy to get lost in all the trails and hills. I’m climbing a mountain each and every day. But I keep going back into the forest, looking for answers(( The return to the metaphor almost works here. But because the metaphor has gotten in the way of the main point, we need more explicit reflection to tie everything together.)) .

Word Count: 603

Admissions Officer Notes on Lost in the Forest

So. Writers know that college essays should be meaningful reflections and exercises in creative writing. But sometimes writers take this advice to the extreme and write essays that are too metaphorical and too focused on internal reflection.

This essay is the perfect example of what happens when a writer goes over the top with metaphor. The forest metaphor could be a useful tool given the writer’s topic, but as it is now, everything else gets lost within the metaphor. It’s difficult to extract what the writer actually says about their life.

The writer’s reflection is also deep and removed from specific examples. After reading the essay, I still don’t feel like I know the writer. The topic also changes halfway through the essay, so following the thread throughout is challenging.

What this essay does well:

• Topic: Even though the writer’s topic switches in the middle of the essay, it’s clear that the topics are both meaningful to the writer. The first topic especially may still be grounds for a great college essay.
• Vulnerability: The writer’s vulnerability shines through. They are willing to share an important part of themselves.

What the writer could improve upon:

• Pick a main topic and stick with it: Part of what makes this essay challenging to follow is that it’s doing too many things at once. Narrowing the topic would help the writer focus all their thoughts on communicating one overall idea.
• Use the metaphor sparingly: Remember that metaphors are best when used sparingly. Pulling off an overarching metaphor is very difficult, so it’s generally easier for writers to sprinkle in small references to the metaphor throughout. A great way to accomplish this is the “bookend technique,” where you introduce a metaphor in the introduction and return to it in the conclusion. 
• Tighten up each paragraph : All of the paragraphs in this essay have a lot of information that doesn’t necessarily flow logically from one sentence to the next. My final recommendation would be to edit the paragraphs themselves for clarity. The writer should think about what information is essential and cut the rest.

College Essay Example #14: The Chemist

You(( There are always different opinions about addressing your reader. Sometimes it can work okay, but this instance doesn't work quite as well.)). may be wondering why I’ve taken so many chemistry classes. Well, that’s because I love chemistry. I used to hate chemistry with a fiery passion but now I love it more than anything. I remember that I used to struggle through every single chemistry assignment I ever got. My sister would try to help me but I’d just get upset, like I really just didn’t understand it and that was so frustrating so I just kept not wanting to do more but eventually I started to think “oh chemistry is at the foundation of everything that makes up our universe,” and isn’t that just fascinating?(( Whew—that was a long sentence! This is a run-on sentence, but we do learn about the writer’s primary motivation for studying chemistry.)) So then I decided to make a change and actually try to learn chemistry. I started paying attention in class and asking my teacher for help after class and finally one day my sister said, “Wow, you’re really improving.” And that meant so much to me. When my great-grandparents immigrated to the United States(( This reference is nice, but it's an abrupt topic change. It’s not clear why the writer is bringing up their great-grandparents.)) , they had no idea what would be in store for their great-grandkids. We really don’t learn chemistry in school until high school, so it’s no wonder I didn’t understand it in high school when I started taking it. Electrons and atoms and acids and alcohols. There’s so much to learn. I really have never been good at math so I’d say that’s one of my biggest challenges in chemistry now is learning how to do the equations and figuring out how the math works. In fifth grade I used to be in advanced math but then it just got worse from there until I learned about tutoring. I started doing tutoring through the high school when I was in ninth grade and it helped a lot because I just needed a little more help for each lesson to really understand it. But even with that the math part of chemistry is still hard for me. But I always keep trying! That’s the most important thing to me I think is to keep trying(( This is a good statement of values.)) . Even when problems are hard and I can’t solve them I try to have a good attitude because even if I can’t get it right, doing chemistry is about unlocking the secrets of the universe and that really is interesting even if you can’t completely understand them. When I started taking chemistry in my sophomore year I almost gave up but I was also really inspired by my teacher who guided me through everything. She gave me extra time to do my lab work and was even my lab partner a couple times because our class has an uneven number of students. My favorite part of chemistry lab is mixing solutions and testing them. I don’t like the lab report writing so much but I know it’s an important part. So I try to just get through that so I can get back to doing experiments and such. My favorite experiments was about building a calormieter to measure how many calories is in our food(( Pay attention to small errors and typos like this one.)) . Calories are energy so you burn your food to measure how much energy they have. Then you write up a report about how many calories each food item like bananas, bread, a cookie, had. The best part of doing labs is having your lab partner there with you. You’re both wearing goggles and lab coats and gloves and you feel really like a professional chemist and it’s nice that you’re not doing it alone. You just read the lab instructions and do each of the steps in order. It’s like baking a cake! You just follow the recipe. But you don’t eat the results! You might use beakers or bunsen burners to hold liquid or burn or heat up whatever it is you’re experimenting on. And when I say “find the meaning of the universe” I really mean it(( The writer is trying to return to a bigger reflection here, but the transition needs to be much smoother.)) . It’s amazing how much chemistry is in everything. Cooking is doing chemistry because you’re changing up the properties of the food. The air we breathe, the way plants get energy, the medicines we take, we understand it all because of chemistry. I know that becoming a chemist is hard work and isn’t easy. But I know that it’s rewarding and that’s why I want to do it. Helping people is so important to me and I think that chemistry can help me get there(( Here, we also learn about the writer’s values and motivations.)) . I also like the health and beauty industry and I think it would be fun to get to develop new products or perfumes or medicines.

Word Count: 746

Admissions Officer Notes on The Chemist

There’s no easy way to say it, but this essay just doesn’t meet the mark. That’s why it gets an F. It reads like a free write rather than an essay because it is stream-of-consciousness and doesn’t really make a clear point. I learn that the writer loves chemistry, but the overall message is not clear.

• Ideas : All hope is not lost! Once we dig into what each sentence of the essay is saying, there are some good ideas that the writer can turn into a more cohesive topic.
• Organization: I hesitate to make any extreme claims about college essays, but I feel pretty confident in saying that the vast majority of college essays should always be more than one paragraph. You need paragraphs to break up your thoughts into digestible chunks. Each paragraph should contain a single point you’re trying to convey to the reader. This writer should break all these ideas up into several paragraphs.
• Theme: We see that the topic of the essay is chemistry, that chemistry is interesting because it’s the foundation of everything, and that chemistry can help people. But we don’t really get any deeper meaning from the writer. They haven’t made an attempt to be vulnerable or to show us something significant about themself.
• Length: The essay is almost a hundred words over the word count. The writer needs to pare things down as they organize and clarify their ideas.

Supplemental Essay Examples

In addition to your personal statement, many colleges will also have you write what are called “supplemental essays.”

These essays do exactly as the name implies: they supplement your personal statement. They’re the perfect opportunity for you to tell admissions officers even more about yourself beyond the information you put in your personal statement. Specifically, ou can use them strategically to highlight even more of your strengths.

There are no universal supplemental essay prompts like there are for the Common Application personal statement.

Instead, colleges provide their own supplemental essay prompt(s) as part of their applications.

The good news, however, is that these prompts generally fall into a few common categories: Why Us, Community, Personal Challenge, Extracurricular Activities, Academic Interest, Diversity, and Why this Major prompts.

If you want to learn more about what these prompts entail, or about how to even write a supplemental essay in the first place, check out our complete guide to writing supplemental essays (it’s really good).

For now, let’s take a look at standout example essays for four of the most common supplemental prompt types.

Community Essay: The DIY-ers

Prompt from MIT: Describe the world you come from (for example, your family, school, community, city, or town). How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?

225 words or fewer"

I come from a family of do-it-yourselfers(( Straightforward but attention-grabbing. Nice!)) . In part, this lifestyle is one of necessity. Hiring professionals isn’t cheap, after all. But our DIY proclivities are also a product of a longstanding family tradition of ingenuity.

My first DIY was a fix on my Cozy Coupe, whose steering wheel had fallen off. Since then, my DIYs have become larger scale. With my dad, I’ve replaced loose bike chains, put in a new car clutch, and re-tiled our kitchen.

But our biggest DIY to date has been building a six-foot telescope(( Great topic choice that connects to the writer’s academic interests)) together. Made of scraps and spare parts, it’s not the most beautiful telescope. But our focus is on the stars anyway. My entire family has evening picnics, taking turns to look through the makeshift eyepiece. Occasionally the eyepiece falls off, and we all laugh(( I love the personality that emerges with this detail.)) as I run over to replace it.

Coming from a DIY family has made me self-reliant. And when the fixes just aren’t working, my dad reminds me to take a step back and think creatively about solutions. It’s from this mindset that my dream of being an environmental engineer has evolved(( The writer could get to this point sooner.)) .

I know that engineering isn’t just about fancy gadgets. It’s about ingenuity. I want to adapt my DIY ingenuity, mind and hand(( A cheeky nod to the school’s motto—interesting!)) , to even bigger projects that mitigate climate change and lead to a safer tomorrow(( I also like this gesture to the broader significance of their dreams and aspirations.)) .

Word Count: 220

Admissions Officer Notes

• Topic: The writer has chosen a pretty interesting topic for this community essay that will most likely stand out among other candidates. More importantly, the community they’ve chosen to write about is one that they hold dear and have learned a lot from. The story connects in specific ways to who they are as a person and what their dreams and aspirations have come to be.
• Growth: The prompt asks how the community has “shaped” your dreams and aspirations. This writer focuses on the progression of their aspirations while telling endearing stories about their relationship with their family members.
• Future goals: The writer explicitly states how this community has shaped how and what they want to do in the future.

What it could improve on:

• Pacing: Aside from describing your community, the main question of the prompt is how that community has shaped your dreams and aspirations. While the writer does get to an answer, they could spend more time in the essay focusing on that answer.

Diversity Essay: Bumpass

Prompt from Duke:  We seek a diverse student body that embodies the wide range of human experience. In that context, we are interested in what you’d like to share about your lived experiences and how they’ve influenced how you think of yourself.

There((A great, interesting hook that also jumps into a connection with Duke.)) are more traffic lights on the Duke University campus than there are in my entire hometown.

I don’t actually know how many traffic lights Duke has, but it’s a pretty safe bet that it has more than zero, which is how many we have here in Bumpass, Virginia.

Yes, Bumpass. Pronounced “bump-us”.

I’m from a weird little lake town in central Virginia((This paragraph gives us a clear picture of the writer's lived experiences.)) that has two types of residents: part-timers (that’s what we call them), mostly from DC, Richmond, or Charlottesville, with million-plus dollar homes on Lake Anna. They swim and boat on the private side of the lake, which is heated (yes, the lake is heated) by a nuclear power plant. And then there are families like mine. The locals. I’ve always thought “working class” was a nice way for rich people to call poor people poor, but that’s what we are. Families like mine clean the power plant. I’ve never swam in the private side, and our boat is a canoe.

Officially((And this paragraph gives us a good sense of how those lived experiences have influenced them.)) , I’ve had a job since my 16th birthday, which is the legal age in Virginia. But I’ve worked cleaning rental homes and fixing boats for part-timers with my uncle since I was old enough to use a Swiffer and turn a wrench. I’ve cleaned homes that cost more than my extended family’s combined net worth, but oddly I enjoy it. When I see inside their homes, I have something to aspire to, and that’s more than most of my hometown peers can say.

Success around here means making it through community college. Doing so in two years all without abusing alcohol or drugs? I don’t know many people who have done that. But I want to bring my Bumpass experience to Duke.((Nice job bringing the story back to the connection with Duke.)) I know how to rise before the sun and get a day’s worth of work in before noon. I know how to talk to goat farmers and postal workers (my best friend’s parents) just as well as neurosurgeons and pilots (my favorite part-timers whose docks I maintain in the off-season).

I’m looking forward to learning from the diverse body at Duke, making friends from around the world, and gaining a better understanding of the world beyond Bumpass((This conclusion ties the essay together nicely and communicates good school fit.)) .

• Humor and personality: From the topic of the town’s name to the introduction, the writer uses humor (when appropriate) and clearly shows their own voice. They take an authentic approach to the diversity essay prompt. I feel like I know the student after reading this, which is always good.
• School Connections: While there aren’t a ton of references to Duke here, the prompt doesn’t necessarily ask for them. The writer still does a good job connecting their lived experience to how they see themself at Duke.

Personal Challenge Essay: Tutoring Charlotte

Prompt from Brown: Brown’s culture fosters a community in which students challenge the ideas of others and have their ideas challenged in return, promoting a deeper and clearer understanding of the complex issues confronting society. This active engagement in dialogue is as present outside the classroom as it is in academic spaces. Tell us about a time you were challenged by a perspective that differed from your own. How did you respond? (200-250 words)

Asking Charlotte to answer a math question was like asking a cat to take a bath. Her resistance was almost instinctual. When I first met her, I had been doing after-school tutoring for about six months. The program paired up high school students with middle schoolers who were falling behind in their classes. Charlotte was my first student and biggest challenge(( Nice wording to make it abundantly clear that the writer is answering the prompt)) .

At first, her unwillingness to try came across as lazy(( This sentence gets at what the prompt is asking for: “a perspective that differed from your own”)) . I used everything I had in my tutoring arsenal. I encouraged her to give her confidence, and I even brought candy to bribe her. To my dismay, nothing worked. Each time I introduced a new problem, Charlotte simply refused.

My frustration grew so immense that I caught myself being curt with her. When I saw the look of betrayal in her eyes, I was ashamed at my impatience(( Here we have an inciting incident and growth that resulted from a realization. The writer begins to address the “how did you respond?” part of the prompt.)) . I realized that Charlotte’s struggles weren’t her fault. Math has always come easy to me. Whereas every math problem I encounter is like a code I’m excited to crack, Charlotte sees math problems as threats. After years of struggling, it’s no wonder that she stopped trying.

Once I understood that we approach math from different perspectives, I tried something new. I got rid of the math book and graph paper, and I brought out gummy bears. We did an algebra problem without her even knowing it. Together(( The writer zooms the focus out to a larger reflection about what they learned from this interaction. Nice.)) , we worked to overcome her fear of math. Along the way, I learned to teach the person, not the subject matter.

World Count: 247

• Topic choice: Personal Challenge prompts can be some of the most difficult, especially if you don’t have a specific challenge you’ve faced in your life. This writer’s topic choice works great. They show that you don’t have to have a life-altering challenge to answer this prompt well.
• Clear narrative: This prompt is a lengthy one, but the writer has clearly read it and used it to structure the story. As a reader, it’s easy to follow along as the writer identifies the problem, works toward a solution, overcomes hurdles, and eventually comes out successful in the end.
• Connections: Different prompts require different levels of connections to the school. This writer incorporates some of Brown’s institutional values, but, especially since the prompt says so much about Brown’s community, the writer could have made more effort to connect their story to Brown.

Extracurricular Essay: Working Retail

Prompt from Vanderbilt:  Vanderbilt offers a community where students find balance between their academic and social experiences. Please briefly elaborate on how one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences has influenced you.

“ Would(( Beginning any essay with dialog can be hit or miss. But this is a hit. The dialog quickly captures the essence of working in retail and plops the reader directly into the writer’s extracurricular activity.)) you like another size? Sure thing, I’ll get a medium.”

“Are you interested in saving 10% today with an Old Navy Card? No, no worries…”

“I can clean the bathrooms if someone covers the fitting room!”

I didn’t expect much from my first job. Mostly, I expected to earn $12 an hour and improve my denim folding skills at Old Navy. I didn’t think I could learn so much about people and develop life skills.

As(( This paragraph could be a little more specific to the writer rather than their coworkers.))  odd as it may sound, retail work brought people together during COVID. I started in July of 2020. Our store had always met for monthly meetings, but everyone emphasized how much closer they’d become since the pandemic. Stepping up to cover someone’s shift when they got sick–or their spouse or child did–used to elicit a quick “thank you!”, but took on a more profound meaning in 2020. Though I started mid-pandemic, everyone I worked with remarked that, with a few notable exceptions, the overall demeanor of the clientele was much more empathetic. My coworkers seemed to go from sales associates to brave workers keeping the economy afloat overnight.

After about seven months of dutiful work, I was promoted(( The writer seamlessly incorporates the information that they earned a promotion after a relatively brief time of working at the store.)) to senior associate and had new responsibilities of closing and opening the store. Sure, I had dreams of working in an infectious disease lab. But having adults put real trust in me to account for several thousand dollars and secure a major outlet made me value and understand work perhaps even more than the research internship I missed out on(( I appreciate the perspective here. The writer makes a good argument for the importance of retail work, especially in relation to their academic interests.)) .

I am thankful for this opportunity to work and learn with a dedicated staff. Now, I look forward to pursuing more experiences that will relate to my career in biotech in college. Oh, and I won’t miss soliciting credit card sales with each purchase(( This humor bookends the essay wonderfully and adds some extra personality.)) !

• Focus on strengths: Maintaining the right focus in extracurricular essays can be tricky. It can be easy to get caught up in the details of the activity and brag too much or not enough. Especially with extracurricular activities that aren’t based in competition, it can be challenging to draw out strengths. But this writer finds the perfect way to talk about their accomplishments and strengths (being promoted and being a team player) while also seeming personable and humble.
• Connection to future goals : Importantly, the writer doesn’t just leave the story at their retail job. They show the admissions officer how they see this job as contributing toward their future goals.
• Transitions: The transitions between paragraphs and into the detail about a future biotech career could be smoother.

Why this Major: Watchers

Prompt from USC: Describe how you plan to pursue your academic interests and why you want to explore them at USC specifically. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections. (Approximately 250 words)

As a child(( I like how the writer takes a more creative approach to a standard “why this major” essay.)) , I always got in trouble for staring. My mom would nudge me whenever I looked at someone too long. My uncontrollable staring was an embarrassment for her, but it’s one of the things I love most about myself. Whereas some people are do-ers, I am a watcher, a listener, and a documenter(( We learn a lot about the writer’s personality here.)) . Like introverts and extroverts, the world needs both kinds of people.

Watchers have an admirable task: to see what exists and give it meaning. That’s exactly what I want to do while pursuing my academic interests in anthropology(( And at this point, we jump quickly into the connections between the opening story and the writer’s academic interests. )) . In particular, I’m interested in learning about art, language, and culture in Russia. Pursuing a research career in anthropology would open up opportunities for me to do research for government offices and move toward my ultimate goal(( Incorporating a future goal that they’re working towards is an effective approach.)) of working for the United Nations.

As(( This paragraph has a number of specific, detailed, and relevant connections to the school.)) a Visual Anthropology and Russian double major at USC, I would hone my social scientist skills and improve my Russian language abilities. I’m also eager to participate in a directed internship and to connect with fellow watchers in the Anthropology and Global Studies club. The Center for Visual Anthropology, minor in Folklore and Popular Culture, and the anthropology-focused study abroad opportunity in St. Petersburg all converge to make USC the ideal place for me to learn.

With USC’s global focus and emphasis on creativity, research, and public service, I know that I could develop my watching skills into a successful anthropology career(( And the writer concludes by drawing on some of the institution’s core values, which helps ground all of those disparate connections into something meaningful that the writer aligns themself with.)) .

• Writing style and storytelling: This essay shows that supplemental essays don’t have to be boring. The writer opens with an interesting hook and writes about their major interest in a compelling way.
• School research and connections: The writer does a good job specifically answering the “how you plan to pursue your academic interests and why you want to explore them at USC” part of the prompt. It’s clear that they’ve done their research, and the connections they’ve chosen to focus on make sense in the context of the story they’ve told. They also incorporate school values in addition to simple facts.
• Writing about school connections : To take this essay to the next level, the student could write about the school connections in a slightly more elegant way. As they are now, they feel quite list-like.

Academic Interest: Everyday History

Prompt from Barnard: At Barnard, academic inquiry starts with bold questions. What are some of the bold questions you have pondered that get you excited and why do they interest you? Tell us how you would explore these questions at Barnard. (max 300)

As I walked through the ancient city of Pompeii(( This is a beautiful hook that stops and makes the reader think, too.)) on a family vacation, I thought about the children. I imagined how scared they must have been when the volcano erupted, how they must have reached out to their caregivers for protection. When a large group of people mobbed through the alley next to us, I reached out to my own mother(( With a simple phrase, the writer shows the connection between themself and the people of the past who have captured their attention.)) as an anchor.

What interests me most about history is that the people of the past(( The writer adeptly transitions from a poetic introduction to a straightforward answer to the prompt.)) were just like us. They had likes and dislikes, they became frightened and love-struck and tired. While the history of royalty and great wars captures most people’s attention, what I want to study is the history of everyday people.

What(( These questions respond exactly to what the prompt is asking for. )) was it like to be a child in Pompeii? How did prisoners feel on their way to Australia? What kinds of recipes did the Aztecs cook?

I know that with Barnard’s culture of multidisciplinarity, discovery, and creative thinking, I’d be able to pursue these questions and more(( The writer draws on Barnard’s own values and connects their interests, goals, and questions to specific offerings at Barnard.)) . In classes like Gender and Empire, I’ll learn about the ways European expansion was gendered. And in Children and Childhood in African History or Reproducing Inequalities: Family in Latin American History, I’ll be able to ask questions about the history of the family: How have family structures varied across time and place? What historical role have children played? In what ways have parenting practices changed and why?

While they may seem inconsequential for life today, I believe that answering these questions helps us better understand ourselves. With Barnard’s Building Strong Voices(( And they also reference out-of-the-classroom opportunities.)) mission, I’ll learn how to present my research and advocate for the importance of history.

The world needs more histories of everyday people. We have a lot to learn from them, and Barnard’s offerings will help me lead us to better historical and current understandings(( With this conclusion, it’s clear how Barnard will help the writer accomplish their goals. )) .

Word Count: 299

• Introduction: Academic interest essays are your chance to go all-in. The introduction to this essay does just that. We’re immediately transported into this writer’s academic interest, and we begin to ask these questions alongside them.
• Answering all parts of the prompt: This can be a tricky feat when responding to complex prompts like Barnard’s. But this writer does just that. They tackle each part of the prompt in order, and they make clear transitions between them.

College Essay Example Takeaways

Whether you’re writing a personal statement or supplemental essay, reading and analyzing college essay examples is an important tool. Good examples can give you insight into the proper form and structure to use. And bad examples can be just as helpful by showing you what not to do.

All admissions officers will approach your college essays from different perspectives. But hopefully the grades and comments—provided by our team of former admissions officers and professional writing coaches—have helped you understand what works, what doesn’t work, and why.

As you’ve seen, there are so many essays, topics, personalities, approaches—you can write a college essay about almost anything.

Remember that the key to any successful college application is a cohesive application narrative . 

And if you want to take your own college essays to the next level, join the Essay Academy for an entire course of professional guidance.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do admissions officers actually grade college essays, what makes a good college essay, liked that try this next..

How to Write a College Essay (Exercises + Examples)

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8 Outstanding UC Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

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Exploring the Depths of Depression: An Argumentative View

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