funny wedding speech quotes from movies

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Movie Quotes That Kill It As Wedding Toasts

The best movie quotes that kill it as wedding toasts, more from movies, r29 original series.

Movie Quotes For Wedding Speech

If you are looking for unique and funny movie quotes for a wedding speech, here is a list of heartfelt and loving lines that will inspire you.

You want to say something memorable for this special celebration and these movie quotes are a great way to be creative and keep your audience engaged.

1. Best movie quotes for a wedding speech

A wedding speech is a big responsibility. You’ll want to think about how to keep the attendees entertained. Here are some of the best movie quotes to inspire you and for you to use in your wedding speech.

I would rather spend one lifetime with you, than face all of the ages of this world alone. The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. The Notebook

You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on. Pride and Prejudice

I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. When Harry Met Sally

You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever. Twilight

It’s there, I know it is because when I look at you, I can feel it. And I, I look at you and… I’m home. Finding Nemo

2. Romantic movie quotes

I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss of her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One. City of Angels

I knew I’d never be able to remember what Nina wore that day. But I also knew I’d never forget the way she looked. Father of the Bride

Don’t forget: I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her. Notting Hill

Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it’s the moments that take your breath away. Hitch

At best, it’s a happy delusion — these two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they’re about to make each other. But, but, when two people know that, and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don’t think it’s conservative or delusional. I think it’s radical and courageous and very romantic. Frida

How to use these wedding quotes

Select your favorite movie quote to include in a wedding speech or toast. You’ll find many loving and heartfelt messages to share with the new couple, as well as their friends and family. You can use them for:

• Wedding gift cards and greeting cards
• Wedding toasts and cheers
• Wedding vows and readings
• Wedding speeches
• Maid of Honor speech
• Best Man speech
• Father of the Bride speech
• Groom speech

3. Movie quotes about love

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return. Moulin Rouge

I love you very much, probably more than anybody could love another person. 50 First Dates

They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops and that’s true. What they don’t tell you is that when it starts again, it moves extra fast to catch up. Big Fish

Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that’s what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going. Practical Magic

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Meet Joe Black

I don’t want to sound foolish, but remember love is what brought you here. And if you’ve trusted love this far, don’t panic now. Trust it all the way. If Beale Street Could Talk

More love quotes

Our love is like the wind. I can’t see it, but I can feel it. A Walk to Remember

It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there… If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around. Love Actually

If you want love, then this is it. This is real life. It’s not perfect but it’s real. Before Midnight

Young lovers seek perfection. Old lovers learn the art of sewing shreds together and of seeing beauty in a multiplicity of patches. How to Make an American Quilt

About a love that lasts forever

My love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful. The Fault in Our Stars

The you who you are tonight is the same you I was in love with yesterday, the you I’ll be in love with tomorrow. If I Stay

The only way to beat my crazy was by doing something crazy yourself. Thank you. I love you. I knew it the minute I met you. I’m sorry it took so long for me to catch up. I just got stuck. Silver Linings Playbook

Wedding blessings and wishes.

Love and happiness movie quotes

People do fall in love. People do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance that anyone’s got for true happiness. Breakfast at Tiffany’s

No matter what happens to us, everyday spent with you is the best day of my life. The Notebook

It’s like in that moment the whole universe existed just to bring us together. Serendipity

What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey, that’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon. It’s a Wonderful Life

Check out more famous movie quotes.

4. Marriage movie quotes

I knew that when I kissed this girl I would be forever wed to her. So I stopped. I stopped and I waited. I waited for a moment longer. Then I just let myself go. The Great Gatsby

Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy. My Best Friend’s Wedding

When I first saw you, I felt like I knew you, and I couldn’t stop seeing my life with you, and building a family together. One that isn’t stuck in the pain of the past. It’s very pretty. And so, if you’re asking me if my proposition still stands, then my answer is yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes. The Light Between Oceans

Let me ask you one thing. Do you think—after we’ve dried off, after we’ve spent lots more time together — you might agree not to marry me? And do you think not being married to me might maybe be something you could consider doing for the rest of your life? Four Weddings and a Funeral

We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life mean? But, in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all the time, every day. Shall We Dance

5. Movie quotes from the heart

I’ve come here with no expectations, only to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is, and always will be, yours. Sense and Sensibility

It is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart. In Her Shoes

The heart’s not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in size the more you love. Her

I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you. Dirty Dancing

6. Soulmate sayings

What I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are. Bridget Jones’s Diary

In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find someone who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. Juno

It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other. Good Will Hunting

7. Funny movie quotes for a wedding speech

Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind. 27 Dresses

You are the perfect verse over a tight beat. Brown Sugar

May those who love us, love us. And those who don’t love us, may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping. Keeping the Faith

I think anybody who falls in love is a freak. It’s a crazy thing to do. It’s kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity. Her

I love you. That’s why I make you miserable. Real Women Have Curves

Husbands are like wine; they take a long time to mature. Letters to Juliet

Video: 7 Easy Wedding Toasts

8. short quotes for wedding.

Love means never having to say you’re sorry. Love Story

You had me at ‘hello.’ Jerry Maguire

I love you without knowing how, why, or even from where. Patch Adams

You’re my air. Brown Sugar

We’ll always have Paris. Casablanca

I wish I knew how to quit you. Brokeback Mountain

You complete me. Jerry Maguire

To me, you are perfect. Love Actually

Some people are worth melting for. Frozen

9. Disney movie quotes about love

Any day spent with you is my favourite day. So, today is my new favourite day. Winnie the Pooh

You’re the one, the one I’ve been looking for… The Little Mermaid

I know you! The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam And I know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem But if I know you I know what you’ll do You’ll love me at once The way you did once upon a dream… Sleeping Beauty

If I never knew you, If I never felt this love, I would have no inkling of, How precious life can be, And if I never knew you, I would never have a clue, How at last I’d find in you, The missing part of me… Pocahontas

You’re the best thing I never knew I needed, So when you were here I had no idea, You’re the best thing I never knew I needed, So now it’s so clear I need you here always… The Princess and the Frog

More Disney sayings

So this is love, So this is what makes life divine, I’m all aglow, Mmmmmm, And now I know, The key to all heaven is mine, My heart has wings, Mmmmmm, And I can fly, I’ll touch every star in the sky, So this is the miracle that I’ve been dreaming of, So this is love… Cinderella

And at last I see the light, and it’s like the fog has lifted, and at last I see the light, and it’s like the sky is new, and it’s warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted, all at once everything looks different, now that I see you… Tangled

Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings, The world, for once, in perfect harmony, With all its living things, Can you feel the love tonight? You needn’t look too far, Stealing through the night’s uncertainties, Love is where they are… The Lion King

10. Wedding toasts from movies

True love is the soul’s recognition of its counterpoint in another. Wedding Crashers

I’d like to propose a toast to all the special ‘f’ words — to friends, family, fate, forgiveness, and forever. My First Mister

I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that some psychopath was trying to break the two of you up. Luckily, I woke up, and I see that the world is just as it should be. For my best friend… has won the best woman. My Best Friend’s Wedding

This is supposed to be exciting. It’s your wedding — you only get a few of these! The 5 Year Engagement

We’re all different, but in the end, we’re all fruit. My Big Fat Greek Wedding

More wedding toasts from the movies.

11. Wedding readings from movies

It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, it just meant we were supposed to be together. And I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home, only to no home I’d ever known. I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car. And I knew it. It was like… magic. Sleepless in Seattle

So how does it happen, great love? Nobody knows… but what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you’re enjoying your life, and the next you’re wondering how you ever lived without them. Hitch

People call these things imperfections, but they’re not. Oh, that’s the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds. You’re not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense; this girl you met, she’s not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other. Good Will Hunting

Inspiration for wedding speeches

So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard, and we’re gonna have to work at this every day. But I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever. You and me. Every day. The Notebook

I want to tell you with my remaining strength that I love you. I always have. I’ll drift next to you every day as a ghost just to be with you. Even if I was banished to the darkest place, my love will keep me from being a lonely spirit. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there… if you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around. Love Actually

A wedding vow

I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. And to always know in the deepest part of my soul that no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find our way back to each other. The Vow

Thanks for reading these movie quotes for wedding speeches and toasts. Here are more useful resources for your wedding:

Wedding Songs

Father of the Bride Toasts

Best Man Toasts

By Greg Johnson | Published 6/14/2022

Greg Johnson is a website editor, writer, and content designer. For over 10 years, he has covered subjects like pop culture, music, sports, history, famous quotes, and kids jokes. He is co-founder and editor of ListCaboodle.

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Wedding Speech Inspo: Best Wedding Toasts from Movies

Writing the perfect wedding speech is  challenging.  You need to think of something that sounds natural, funny, touching, and memorable. While you want it to tell a story, it shouldn’t be too long. And you need to connect with the guests of the lovely couple. Juggling all of this leads to draft after draft of potential speeches as you work on making them perfect. If you need some wedding speech inspo, check out the best wedding toasts from movies to see what these characters do.

Westley: The Princess Bride

This movie has a few adorable quotes, and we advise you to check out Westley’s simple speech in The Princess Bride if you want to make yours quick yet awe worthy. He points out that the couple found true love, and that’s uncommon. While many couples can be in love, that doesn’t mean they’re soulmates.

While your speech shouldn’t be this short, a line or two about the love between the bride and groom is touching. Think up something original or say, “Westley from The Princess Bride put it best,” and quote him.

Jules: My Best Friend’s Wedding

Jules uses her speech to apologize to her best friend for the things she did wrong—specifically, trying to break the couple up. While we don’t suggest you follow in  all  of Jules’s footsteps, you should think of a heartfelt speech. Maybe the bride did something special for you years ago, and you want to highlight it to tell everyone how loyal she’ll be to her groom.

Claire: Wedding Crashers

“Wooow,”  this speech was touching thanks to a bit of advice from a certain wedding crasher. Initially, Claire planned to pack her toast with jokes and a bit of teasing, but as a wedding expert, John suggested going another route. The result? Everyone  loved  Claire’s touching speech about her sister.

John put it best: some teasing is fine, but the best speech comes from the heart. So as you write your toast, think about the sweetest moments you remember between the lovely couple and jot them down. Wedding Crashers isn’t just a  top wedding movie to watch because it’s hilarious but also because the characters are relatable.

Charles: Four Weddings and a Funeral

Charles begins his speech with a bit of reality and dry humor. He talks about the lovely commitment between the couple and points out that it’s something everyone  can’t  do, specifically himself. And it’s true. Marriage is difficult; it comes with difficulties, but perseverance is key. Talk about that incredible leap of faith as they begin their life together.

Maggie: In Her Shoes

Often, the bride’s sister gives a heartfelt speech about her sibling and maybe even tell a story about their childhood. Maggie surprises her sister Rose with a speech at the ceremony where she reads “I Carry Your Heart with Me” by E.E. Cummings.

This one tugs at the heartstrings, and it’s one everyone in the audience can relate to. Everyone at the wedding loves the couple and wants the best for them; similarly, the bride and groom will always carry one another in their hearts.

Gus: My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Even the bride’s father needs a bit of wedding speech inspo, and Gus givesone of the best wedding toasts from movies. While he was initially upset about Toula’s husband Ian coming from a different background, he learns to accept this because Ian makes Toula happy. He explains that people are like fruit, and we’re all varying types. In other words, we’re the same yet different. We all come from different walks of life, and forming a family allows us to blend the things that make us unique to create something new.

Tips for Giving a Wedding Speech

Giving a speech is nerve-racking for nearly everyone—you’re not alone in feeling this. As you prepare your toast, follow in the footsteps of these characters, and aim to:

• Introduce yourself and your relationship to the couple
• Keep it personal and unique
• Tell stories about the couple
• Crack a few jokes
• Don’t make it too long

The best speeches require planning, so start writing early so you have time to make changes and practice. Then, if you have doubts, do a trial run with a friend, your partner, or a member of the wedding party. Sometimes, we need a little nudge in the right direction to create a one-of-a-kind speech that’ll make everyone tear up. Best of luck writing!

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41 Funny Wedding Toasts That’ll Leave Everyone Laughing

I was recently chosen to give a toast at my best friend’s wedding. Since she’s all for fun and games, her instructions were clear: “No crying; only funny wedding toasts at my wedding!” I did my research. And here I am, putting it to good use.

Did you know that the tradition of wedding toasts dates back to ancient Rome when the practice of clinking glasses together was thought to ward off evil spirits? Over time, toasts evolved to include good wishes for the couple’s happiness and fertility. Today, they’ve become an elaborate affair.

Though brides or grooms giving toasts is not unusual, the overworked couple usually decides on someone cherished to deliver funny toasts on their big day. Have you, too, been chosen like I was? Let me end your search for funny wedding toast ideas with my all-rounder list made specifically for you. There are tips for writing the perfect toast in the end as well!

Funny Wedding Toast One-Liners

Table of Contents

So, who can give a toast at a wedding party? It could be the couple’s closest family members or, specifically, the father or mother of the bride/groom. It’s common for best friends, the maid of honor, or the best man to do the honors as well.

Related Reading : 18 Unique Destination Wedding Gift Bags And Favors

Anyone who’s seen Hollywood movies knows that using a hilarious one-liner for opening the toast is popular in a lot of funny wedding speeches that maid of honor or the best man give. To give you and your loved ones that perfect Hollywood scene, I scoured the depths of the internet to bring you the best wedding toast one-liners that will have everyone roaring with laughter:

1. “A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked.” — LeAnn Rimes

2. “True love does not come from finding the perfect person. So, luckily for you both…”

3. “If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.”

4. “If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you.”

5. “To the bride. May she share everything with her husband, especially the housework!”

Related Reading : Should You Share Everything With Your Partner? 8 Things You Shouldn’t!

6. “I drink to your health when I’m with you, I drink to your health when I’m alone, I drink to your health so often, I’m starting to worry about my own!”

7. “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.”

8. “Marriage is not just spiritual relationship of two souls. It is also remembering to take out the trash.”

9. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

10. “I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: Never stop laughing with each other, even though you both can’t crack a single joke properly.”

Funny Wedding Toast Closing Lines

Funny wedding toasts can lift the atmosphere of the wedding to an all time-high. You can include inspirations from funny Irish wedding toasts or even go for a dirty wedding toast in the right setting. Let’s take a look at how a happy marriage has been famously described by a few, and other funny anecdotes that make for great closing lines:

11. A Reddit user shares their successful funny wedding toast: “I got up to do a best man speech and I made everyone stand to make a quick toast ‘to some really important people whom I’m sure you will all meet throughout the evening. Without them none of this would be possible.’ Then I toasted the bartenders. The place went crazy and it set a great tone for the rest of the wedding speech.”

12. “As Dr Seuss once said: We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love. So. Good luck, you weirdos!”

13. Awesome wedding toasts examples can be appropriately rude to the couple as well, like: “My dear friends, they’re the best friends. They are loyal, trustworthy, and able. But now it’s time for what we truly came here for: Drinks! So lift all of your glasses off the table!”

14. “So finally, a toast to the happy couple . Thank you for buying us all dinner today, so kind of you.”

15. “Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns

16. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” — Catherine Zeta-Jones

17. “A successful marriage is all about finding that one special person to wake up to for the rest of your life. And if they snooze their alarm, well, you can always nudge them gently … with a brick.”

Related Reading : 15 Tips For A Successful Marriage

18. “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash

19. “The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.” — Henny Youngman

20. “May your love be as strong as your coffee and as forgiving as the elastic on your Thanksgiving PJs!” — An inspirational wedding wish indeed

Hilarious Marriage Advice As Wedding Toasts

Deciding on funny wedding toasts or serious ones can be difficult. Nowadays, many couples decide to go with light-hearted wedding toasts for their big day. Some do mix in touching sentiments with short and funny toasts to keep the atmosphere light for the ceremony. These nuggets of advice are sure to add laughter and levity to the wedding celebration. Just be sure to know your audience and keep the humor in good taste. Here are 11 funny wedding toast examples of how to leave the couple with some ‘good’ advice:

21. “Before getting married to a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

22. “Marriage is like a deck of cards. At the start, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.”

23. “Marriage is all about finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Cheers to a lifetime of joyful irritation!”

24. Are you the kind of maid of honor or best man who’s into corny but sweet one-liners? Here’s what a Reddit user says, “It’s been an emotional day … even the cake is in tiers.”

25. “To a happy marriage: May you never have to compromise … unless it’s the thermostat.”

Related Reading : What Is The Recipe For A Happy Marriage?

26. “The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” — Mac MacGuff in the movie Juno

27. “In marriage, if you want to be happy, be sure you’re right. If you want to be even happier, be wrong!”

28. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times – always with the same person.” — Mignon McLaughlin

29. “Don’t go to bed mad. Stay up and plot your revenge.” — Now that’s some funny marriage advice.

30. A user on Reddit recalls one of the most awesome wedding toast examples, “I was best man at my friend’s wedding. When it came time for my speech I pulled a paper out of my pocket and began reading about what a wonderful husband he was going to be, how he was loyal, handsome, kind, how he was loved by everyone, etc. Then, I squinted at the paper, stumbled a little over the words – turned to him, handed him the paper and announced, ‘I can’t read your handwriting.’ Brought the house down.”

31. “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid [their] problems sound to you.” — Megan Mullally

32. “Before we raise a glass to the newlyweds, I’d like to share a Pauline Thomason quote with you: ‘Love is blind — Marriage is the eye opener.’ To the happy couple!”

Wedding Toast Quotes That Will Leave Everyone In Splits

We saved the best for the last so if the ideas above didn’t make the cut, you’ll definitely add a few words to your shortlist from the ones below:

33. “Remember, love is grand, but divorce is at least 10 grand.”

Related Reading : Money And Marriage – Tips For A Financially Successful Marriage

34. “The most important four words for a successful marriage somehow end up being: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”

35. A Reddit user remembers her hilarious wedding toast, “My husband gave all the groomsmen leathermans for a groomsman gift. So one of the groomsmen gets up for his wedding speech saying how my husband was very much like this leatherman, useful, helpful, handy in many situations, dependable, and (unfolds leatherman) ‘9 1/2 inches fully extended.’ The whole place erupted.”

36. In another post, a user on Reddit recalls an incident on his own wedding day involving the best man and how he saved the day: “My best man managed to forget our rings in the car before the ceremony. It was cool. He managed to wrangle two rings so we could play it off during the ceremony and we had a good laugh about it and, during the reception, told a lot of people what had happened.

“When it came time for his best man speech, he went to the center of the room, cleared his throat, started patting at his coat pockets, and then announced that he had left his speech in the car.”

37. Short funny wedding toasts can look like this: “Marry someone your own age because as your beauty fades, so will their eyesight.”

38. “[Insert bride/groom name] was incomplete before they got married. Now that they’re finally married, they’re finished.”

39. “You know you’re killing it at the whole marriage malarkey when you ask your partner to pass you ‘the thingamajig’ and they know exactly what you mean.”

40. “Marriage is the point at which two people become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”

41. “May your children treat life like they are blessed with rich parents!”

Tips For Writing And Delivering Funny Wedding Toasts

To craft a memorable wedding toast, start with a warm greeting, personalize your message with anecdotes about the happy couple, and balance humor and heartfelt sentiments. Keep it positive, avoid controversial topics, and offer wishes for their future. Practice and timing are crucial, and it’s wise to be mindful of your audience’s preferences. Speaking from the heart is key to delivering a meaningful and enjoyable toast. Here are 5 tips for a smashing wedding toast:

1. Always keep the audience in mind

If you’re doing wedding speeches for best friend or sibling, you need to take it as a personal project. Understanding your audience is important to the success of a toast. Some things may not be suitable for a wedding gathering with conservative elders. The dirty wedding toasts you may have come up with – you’ll need to use them on a different occasion. So, tailor your toast to your audience, and when uncertain, it’s best to exercise caution.

2. Be respectful of the couple

Have an open communication with the to-be-married pair while you’re preparing the speech. Here are a few reasons why:

• Generally, toasts don’t need to get ‘approved’ before the wedding, but it’s always better to confirm beforehand
• Ask them if they’d want you to add or remove something from your wedding toast
• Avoid embarrassing your hosts on their very special day in front of all their loved ones
• For example, don’t talk about their exes or their couple conflicts or vulnerable childhood moments

Related Reading : Understanding, Identifying And Handling Marital Conflict

3. Remember to thank the couple for the opportunity

Funny wedding speeches by a maid of honor, one of the bridesmaids , or the best man always include paying respects to the members of the gathering — So, open with a general greeting. Also, remember to thank the happy couple for putting their trust in you to be an integral part of their wedding ceremony. As the best man, remember that clean jokes guarantee belly laughs. Also, mind the drinks at the free bar before your speech. Drunk people are sure to find you funny … *wink wink*

4. Keep it short but engaging

Include a lesser-known story about the happy couple (it could be something you all did together), and tie it up with a moving angle. Include humor to keep the audience engaged, but also express genuine care and emotions, such as love, wishes, and happiness for the couple. A good mix of both creates well-rounded funny wedding toasts.

5. Practice makes perfect

Rehearse your toast to ensure it flows smoothly. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Your toast should be within a reasonable time frame
• Keep it concise and to the point. Long, rambling toasts can lose the audience’s interest
• Don’t pressure yourself into creating an unforgettable speech
• It’s okay if the final words that you utter are different from the ones you wrote on paper

Key Pointers

• Avoid making the toast too long or too short; find the perfect balance of storytelling, sincerity, and humor
• Get your funny wedding toasts approved by the happy couple and try not to cross their boundaries or accidentally disrespect elders at the wedding party
• Practice as much as you can to avoid forgetting the piece but even if you do, make the best out of the situation and have fun during your heartfelt storytelling
• Keep the opening of your toast as engaging or funny as possible. For example, start with something that goes “I would like to reintroduce the most important people here tonight. We know them, we love them, and it’s probably why we’re all here … the bartenders.”

Having to prepare the perfectly sincere and short funny wedding toast can make you a bit nervous. We hope our collection of tidbits from funny Irish wedding toasts to celebrity one-liners help you write your own speech. Be sure to toast the newlyweds a happy marriage and a new beginning with respect, humor, and a dash of whiskey.

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110 Inspirational & Funny Wedding Toast Quotes to Make Your Speech a Hit

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

In This Article

As a part of the wedding party, you know it’s your job to plan the bridal shower , show the groom an awesome last night as a bachelor , and give a few words of wisdom.

Everyone loves funny wedding toast quotes, and funny wedding speeches. Excellent wedding toasts have love, romance, and a witty element braided into them. 

What is the purpose of a wedding toast?

Wedding toasts are reserved for the wedding party.

The purpose of a wedding toast is to wish and bless the couple for the new life together. It is a personalised wish meant for the newlyweds. It surely makes the wedding memorable. In the end, the guests raise their glasses and drink for the health, wealth and prosperity. 

What do you say at a wedding toast?

A wedding toast should be personalized and unique. While planning a wedding toast, ensure to follow these steps:

• Congratulate the couple
• Introduce yourself and your relationship with the couple/ bride/ groom
• Tell a story by using examples
• Raise your glass for the toast

Funny wedding toast quotes

The moment you get married, your freedom, sex life, and happiness are over! Or is it? This is the message that most funny wedding jokes have in common. 

If you are looking for best man speech openers or maid of honor speech quotes, consider including some funny marriage quotes. Here are some of the best inspirational and funny wedding toasts examples or funny wedding toasts one liners you can use to make your wedding speech memorable. 

Read our selection of cute and funny wedding toasts or funny lines for maid of honor speech to include in your wedding.

• “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
• “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight” – Phyllis Diller
• “It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party” – Nick Hornby
• “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles Schulz
• “Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”– Henry Kissinger
• “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft
• “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” –George Burns
• “An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her” – Agatha Christie
• “True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.”– Mindy Kaling
• “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
• “Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce
• “There’s only one way to have a happy marriage , and as soon as I learn what it is, I’ll get married again.” – Clint Eastwood
• “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” – Michel de Montaigne
• “Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.” – Johnny Carson
• “May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.”
• “We are gathered here today to honor something so truly magical, so truly unique and wonderful, that it simply had to be celebrated. I am, of course, talking about the doughnut wall.”

Inspirational wedding quotes

The best funny maid of honor speeches have an element of whimsical and romantic in them. When in search of wedding toast ideas, take a look at some of the inspirational wedding quotes to warm the hearts of the audience. 

 “You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” —Toni Sciarra Poynter

• “To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you are the world.” – Bill Wilson
• “Love doesn’t make the world go round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning
• “Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
• “True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Anonymous
• “But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” – Khalil Gibran
• “Let the wife make the husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” – Martin Luther
• “Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.” – Honore de Balzac
• “It is a full-time job being honest one moment at a time, remembering to love, to honor, to respect. It is a practice, a discipline, worthy of every moment.” – Jasmine Guy
• “Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect . If it’s not based on respect, nothing that appears to be goodwill lasts very long.” – Amy Grant
• “When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband entrusting his heart to her has an unfailing prize.” —Proverbs 31:10-11
• “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” —1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Wedding quotes on love and life

To make a good impression, you need both funny quotes to start a speech and poetic quotes to wrap it up. Consider adding some quotes on love and marriage into the wedding toast.

• “To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” —Ogden Nash
• “If it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.” – Leo Tolstoy
• “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” – Barbara Johnson
• “Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” – Alexander Smith
• “Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature, and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning, and unquenchable.” – Bruce Lee
• “A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” – Dave Matthews
• “To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.” – Themis Tolis
• “We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
• “I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.” – Bob Newhart
• “The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person . You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” – Julia Child
• “ But the key to our marriage is the capacity to give each other a break. And to realize that it’s not how our similarities work together; it’s how our differences work together.” – Michael J. Fox

Good marriage wedding quotes

Funny wedding toast quotes are a great way to start the speech or to end it. Wedding speeches need to be amusing. Also, they need to be motivational and bold. To make an impression include both romantic and funny quotes about marriage.

 “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin

• “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Joyce Brothers
• “Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.” – Amy Bloom
• “To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.” – Mark Twain
• “But to sustain a marriage for 50 years, you have to get real a little bit and find someone who is understanding and who you can grow with. My mom always says, ‘Marry the man who loves you a millimeter more.” – Ali Larter
• “It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other.” – Good Will Hunting
• “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with a person, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” – When Harry Met Sally
• “Only one is a wanderer. Two together are always going somewhere.” – Vertigo
• “Equal partnerships are not made in heaven—they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time.” ~ Bruce C. Hafen
• “Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” – Franz Schubert
• “Marriage, like everything else in the world, is holy or unholy depending on the purpose the mind ascribes to it.” – Marianne Williamson
• “Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.” – James Dobson
• “When a marriage works, nothing on earth can take its place.” – Helen Gahagan
• “Experts on romance say for a happy marriage, there has to be more than a passionate love . For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition of friendship.” – Marilyn Monroe
• “Marriage is a risk; I think it’s a great and glorious risk, as long as you embark on the adventure in the same spirit.” – Cate Blanchett

Funny marriage quotes

Funny wedding speeches are unforgettable and create great wedding memories if done properly and with moderation. Funny wedding toast quotes can make a real splash, so be careful not to let any negativity spill onto the couple’s big day. Consider adding some of the funny wedding speech quotes listed here. 

• “A man is incomplete until he’s married. After that, he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
• “If love means never having to say you’re sorry, then Marriage means always having to say everything twice.” – Estelle Getty
• “Love is blind — marriage is the eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason
• “A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.” – Anonymous
• “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller
• “A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.” – Terry Pratchett
• “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman
• “Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.” – Sydney Smith
• “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.” – George Bernard Shaw
• “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage . We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays; I go Fridays.” – Henny Youngman
• “Before marriage, many couples are very much like people rushing to catch an airplane; once aboard, they turn into passengers. They just sit there.” – J. Paul Getty
• “Every marriage is a mystery to me, even the one I’m in. So I’m no expert on it.” – Hillary Clinton

Check out this hilarious wedding speech by the brother and take some cues:

Witty wedding quotes

Wedding toasts need some witty wedding quotes to be complete. A short wedding toast could make up for funny wedding toasts, but witty wedding quotes make up for a playful and catchy wedding speech. 

 “Always remember to fight with two words, ‘Yes Dear.’” – Anonymous

• “People are weird. When we find someone with weirdness that is compatible with ours, we team up and call it love.” – Dr. Seuss
• “Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner
• “Love is a present, so open it happily.” – Sepatu Usang
• “A good husband makes a good wife.” – John Florio
• “Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” – Ogden Nash
• “If you would be loved, love, and be lovable.” – Benjamin Franklin
• “Any fool can have a trophy wife. It takes a real man to have a trophy marriage.” – Allan K. Chalmers
• “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates
• “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” – Lyndon B. Johnson
• “Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash
• “Husbands are like fires – they go out when they’re left unattended.” – Cher
• “An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.” – Booth Tarkington
• “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
• “Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.” – Beverley Nichols
• “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” —Mickey Rooney

Wedding toast about happiness

To conclude your search for wedding speech quotes, we have selected a list of wedding toast quotes about happiness. Funny wedding toast quotes accompanied by some awesome wedding toasts on happiness will undoubtedly fortify your position as the best man or maid of honor. 

• “Marriage is the most natural state of man and the state in which you will find solid happiness.” – Benjamin Franklin
• “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert A. Heinlein
• “Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our care by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation.” – Samuel Richardson
• “The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you don’t find very often, then that is what love is all about.” – Bruce Forsyth
• “Love one another, and you will be happy; it is as simple and as difficult as that.” – Michael Leunig
• “There is only one happiness in life – to love and be loved.” – George Sand
• “Happiness is only real when shared.” – Jon Krakauer
• “They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” – Tom Bodett
• “There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day, knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.” – Ronald Reagan
• “Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Wedding toasts with blessings

You care about the bride and groom and wish them well. However, you might be puzzled about how to put those good sentiments into your wedding toast. Take a look at these wedding toast quotes with classical blessings, and we are sure you will find something useful. 

• “May your love be like the misty rain, gentle coming in but flooding the river.” – Traditional African Blessing
• “May the road rise up to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, The sunshine warm upon your face, The rain fall soft upon your fields, And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.”– Irish blessing.
• “May their joys be as deep as the ocean, And their misfortunes as light as the foam.” – Armenian Blessing
• “Let’s drink to love, which is nothing—unless it’s divided by two.” – Irish blessing
• “Try to reason about love, and you will lose your reason.” – French proverb
• “May your love be modern enough to survive the times but old-fashioned enough to last forever.” – Anonymous
• “When love reigns, the impossible may be attained.” – Indian Proverb
• “No road is long with good company.” – Turkish proverb
• “He who treads the path of love walks a thousand meters as if it were only one.” —Japanese proverb
• “A life without love is like a year without summer.” —Lithuanian proverb
• “Do not measure your marriage by how much love you feel today: measure it by how much love you’ve offered today.” – Glennon Doyle Melton
• “Please make sure your glasses are charged and join me in toasting the new Mr and Mrs [NAME]. Ladies and gentlemen, to the bride and groom!”

When looking to make a funny wedding toast, why not incorporate some personal stories about the bride or groom? This is a great way to give the guests a personal insight into the more hilarious aspects of their courtship.

You can leave the anecdotes about crazy ex-boyfriends and girlfriends out of the equation, but feel free to include any adorable or funny moments you have shared or witnessed with the happy couple .

Here are some funny wedding jokes for speech and stories you can use as funny wedding toast quotes.

• “Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.”
• A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?” One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?” The man yells, “Today’s the day!”
• “Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific.”
• “It’s been ten years since the invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at either.”
• “Don’t be a slow learner! After his husband forgot the wedding anniversary , his wife tells him: ‘You’d better have something in front of the house, tomorrow, which goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds.’ The next day, she finds on the road, a bathroom scale.”
• “Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.”
• “Marriage is like the army. Everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlists.”
• My sister Tina was telling her husband, Kay, about a wonderful program she had watched on TV. The show gave a national award to heroic people who put themselves in grave danger to help out someone they hardly knew. Kay replied, “That sounds a lot like getting married.”
• “Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other.”

Wrapping it up

You want wedding toasts jokes or wedding toasts to be memorable, flattering, or funny toasts for weddings to make the bride or groom laugh, use these funny wedding toast quotes to add life to your speech, but don’t forget this is a celebration of two people coming together in love, so avoid using any quotes, jokes, or stories that will embarrass or disparage the happy couple. 

Remember, funny wedding toast quotes are only a part of the speech, and they have to be introduced with zest and taste. 

Have a look at the video given below to get an idea of how can you deliver a hilarious wedding speech.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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18 Movie And TV Quotes That Are Perfect Wedding Readings

For when you want a non-traditional way to declare your love.

BuzzFeed Contributor

1. The Wedding Singer – "Grow Old With You"

"I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad, Carry you around when your arthritis is bad, All I wanna do is grow old with you, I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches, Build you a fire if the furnace breaks, Oh, it could be so nice, growing old with you, I'll miss you, Kiss you, Give you my coat when you are cold, Need you, Feed you, Even let you hold the remote control, So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink, Oh, I could be the man who grows old with you, I wanna grow old with you."

2. Fleabag — Hot Priest's speech

"It turns out it's quite hard to come up with something original about love, but I've had a go. Love is awful. It’s awful. It’s painful. It’s frightening. It makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself, distance yourself from the other people in your life. It makes you selfish. It makes you creepy, makes you obsessed with your hair, makes you cruel, makes you say and do things you never thought you would do.

It’s all any of us want, and it’s hell when we get there. So no wonder it’s something we don’t want to do on our own. I was taught if we’re born with love then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot, feeling right, when it feels right, it’s easy. But I’m not sure that’s true. It takes strength to know what’s right. And love isn’t something that weak people do. Being a romantic takes a hell of a lot of hope. I think what they mean is, when you find somebody that you love, it feels like hope."

3. Friends — Monica and Chandler's vows

Monica: "For so long I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soulmate. Then three years ago, at another wedding, I turned to a friend for comfort. And instead, I found everything that I'd ever been looking for my whole life. And now here we are with our future before us, and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soulmate, my friend." 

Chandler: "I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when I saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises that come our way, it’s OK, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with." 

4. When Harry Met Sally — Harry's declaration

“I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

5. The Half of It — Ellie's speech

"Love isn't patient and kind and humble. Love is messy and horrible and selfish and bold. It's not finding your perfect half. It's the trying and the reaching and failing. Love is being willing to ruin your good painting for the chance at a great one."

6. Sex and the City — Carrie's poem

"His hello was the end of her endings,

Her laugh was their first step down the aisle,

His hand would be hers to hold forever,

His forever was as simple as her smile,

He said she was what was missing,

She said instantly she knew,

She was a question to be answered,

And his answer was 'I do.'"

7. Sleepless in Seattle — Sam's feelings

"It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, it just meant we were supposed to be together. And I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home, only to no home I'd ever known. I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car. And I knew it. It was like... magic."

8. Boy Meets World — Cory's declaration

"She gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance, she always was talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said, all I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about. And when I'm with her I feel happy to be alive. Like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So that's what I think is love...When I'm better because she's here."

9. Love, Simon — Simon's message

“I am done being scared. I'm done living in a world where I don't get to be who I am. I deserve a great love story… I know who you are. I know you're funny and thoughtful, you choose your words carefully and that they're always perfect and I know that you've been pretending for so long it's hard to believe that you can stop. I get it. Like I told you at the very beginning, I'm just like you… You deserve a great love story too.”

10. Meet Joe Black — William's advice

"I know it's a cornball thing, but love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can't live without. I say fall head over heels, find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Well, forget your head and listen to your heart... Because, the truth is, honey, there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love — well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived... Stay open. Who knows? Lightning could strike."

11. Something New — Kenya's confession

"I know you must think I'm combative, neurotic, picky... And maybe I am. But the weird thing is, I've never had to be anything but myself with you right from the beginning. And with you I feel like I can do anything, say anything, try anything. And that's the life I want. I want an adventure with you. You don't understand, we're supposed to be together."

12. Buffy the Vampire Slayer — Spike's declaration

"When I say I love you, it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You’re a hell of a woman. You're the one."

13. The Notebook — Noah's argument

"That’s what we do. We fight. You tell me when I’m being an an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass. Which you are 99 per cent of the time. I’m not afraid of hurting your feelings. They have like a two-second rebound rate and you’re back doing the next pain in the ass thing… It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.”

14. Juno — Mac's advice

"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find someone who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still gonna think the sun shine's out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

15. Stardust — Yvaine's confession

"When I see the way that mankind loves. You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... I think I love you... I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart — it feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange — no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

16. How I Met Your Mother — Ted's speech

Love doesn't make sense. You can't logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical. But we have to keep doing it, or else we're lost and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's just true... It doesn't have to make sense, to make sense."

17. Definitely, Maybe — Will's proposal

"I wanna marry you because you're the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight. Because the first time that I saw these hands, I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. But mainly, when you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do."

18. Shall We Dance? — Beverly's explanation

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet. I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things. All of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

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In This Article

How to Write a Funny Wedding Speech

Funny speeches writing tips.

• Best Man Funny Wedding Speeches
• Maid Of Honor Wedding Speeches
• Funny Groom Wedding Speeches
• Funny Bride Wedding Speeches
• Funny Wedding Speeches For All Guests
• Wedding Party & Reception

Best Funny Wedding Speeches Examples You Can Use

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Funny wedding speeches – are the best way to keep the guests engaged and everyone relaxed and happy. “While you might face some challenges in writing the perfect variant, they are always worth it in the end. First, a funny wedding speech seems shorter than it actually is. Time flies by when the audience is having fun. Second, it’s more memorable. Think of the wedding speeches you can remember and it’s most likely going to be the one that had everyone laughing (or theone that lasted what seemed like for ever with no jokes).” , – Marc Blakewill , an experienced speech writer.

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Give your listeners a laugh or two with these hilarious and witty wedding speech samples, and the tips you need to make your own.

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It can seem daunting, but it’s worth spending the time and effort to make your wedding speech both heartfelt and funny. With the professional guidance of Marc Blakewill , an expert in crafting wedding speeches, you can navigate this with ease. Follow Marc’s detailed instructions, and you’ll confidently deliver a speech that resonates with sincerity and humor.

So, how best to write a funny wedding speech?

Tone and style

• Mix the heartfelt and comedic – even if you want a speech that is funny from top to bottom, do include the sincere and heartfelt. Think of it like setting off the colour of a precious stone in a ring. With a bit of sentiment, you get more comedic dazzle.
• Match it to your personality – if you’re not a natural joke-teller, don’t feel the need to have lots of one-liners in your speech. Focus more on light-hearted stories. Something that sounds like you will be more memorable and valued by the guests. It’s also easier to be “you”!
• Keep it as original as you can – avoid the temptation to use old jokes from the internet. They tend to stick out like sore thumbs. If you’re not confident in writing one of your own, using one near the top as an icebreaker is fine. Any more than that and you’re in danger of becoming a cliché-delivery system.

It’s time to treat the blank screen or piece of paper as your friend. It’s your speech and you have the freedom to craft it how you want. How wonderful is that! So, here are some pointers on how to generate funny wedding speech ideas.

• The location or venue – is there a joke about how far people have had to travel or how much difficulty they had finding the venue? Is the venue so posh and glamourous you thought you’d be refused entry?
• Topical – has there just been a national celebration or sporting triumph that this wedding totally eclipses? Even if it’s a small gathering, don’t be afraid to praise the occasion to the skies. Everyone loves to feel part of something special.
• How you met – was it at work, at college, in a bar? Bring this to life. What were your first impressions and have they been confirmed? If you’re Father of the Bride, you could talk about the day of your daughter’s birth. How you bravely dealt with all the pain and stress!
• How long have you known each other – if it’s a long time, why not draw a parallel with something historical? Has your friendship or relationship outlasted the terms of several presidents?
• Link the past to the present – did the bride or groom do something as a child or teenager that might explain their current career or lifestyle? Did the accident-prone kid become a nurse or doctor? Did the wannabe popstar end up as an accountant?
• Everyday things – does the groom or bride have any weird hobbies you could mention? Or maybe a funny turn-of-phrase? Do they insist on checking the front door is locked three.times before leaving their home? You don’t need outlandish stories. Their everyday life and everyday behaviour can be a great source of humour.
• Spoof marriage advice – if you’re the Best Man or Father of the Bride, you could give a few pieces of quick, silly advice. Personalise it to the couple and you’ll get instant recognition and laughs. Fun areas could include: too much time on the golf course; shopping like there’s no tomorrow and there’s no credit card bill; forgiving each other’s faults – the ones they can reveal now they’re married!
• The simpler the better – your speech really can be as simple as beginning, middle and end. Warm everyone up with some opening fun remarks or jokes, make a few thanks and welcomes (not needed if you’re the Best Man), tell your main stories then finish with some more sentimental moments and a toast.
• Link your stories – a speech that flows is more likely to get laughs. So, ensure your stories come in a natural order. This could be in time order or linked by theme e.g. group the groom’s silly little ways together, the bride’s changing childhood ambitions, etc.

Polishing it

• Writing is rewriting – the illusion of a great speech is that it came fully formed from the writer’s head. It didn’t. It was written then re-written. So, put your first draft away and come back to it at least one or two more times. You’ll spot the stuff that doesn’t work in a heartbeat.
• If you’re not sure of a line, lose it – be strict here. if you’re doubtful when reading it in the comfort of your living room, imagine how you’ll feel in front of an audience. The best speeches are the ones that have had dodgy lines surgically removed.
• Read it out loud – this is the best way to find out how your speech flows. Did it feel awkward jumping from one section to another? Tweak it. Did a line leave your breathless as you struggled to the end? Shorten it. Did a joke make your smile as you read it? Keep it! Your voice is a free resource, so use it.

What To Joke About In Wedding Speech?

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It can be quite tricky giving your wedding speech and knowing what to say and when. With funny wedding speeches, it is also important to know where to draw the line with jokes. Below you will find a few helpful tips.

• Select your target and build your premise around them. Funny wedding speeches may center on the strict dad, sweet daughter or straight-faced groom. The point is to keep the humor affectionate and leave heartwarming tributes towards the end.
• Put down everything that comes to mind when you think about your target in writing. It may be their taste in music, best foods, stand out qualities, weird dress sense or obsession.
• Turn these qualities into comedic characters. Is the groom obsessed with keeping tidy while the bride can’t account for one leg of her shoes? Will the groom do a double-take to the prices at flea markets while the bride spends like a Kardashian? Work with their contrasts.
• Tell the guests something they don’t already know about the couple. Did the groom win a ballet competition as a teenager? Did the bride do street rap in college? Genuinely amazing yet unlikely skills for such a sophisticated couple to make funny jokes.
• Exaggerate these happenings a little. If the couple is great or bad at a thing, then exaggerate a bit. For instance, if the groom is great at soccer, say something like, “his left leg has more coordination than New York’s traffic.”
• Involve the guests. You could start with a comical question that includes them or mention something funny about the bride or groom.
• Don’t forget the toast. You could insert a funny wedding quote here, would be all the better.

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If your role involves you giving a speech at a wedding, use these tips as a general guideline.

• Acknowledge the crowd: It is important to recognize your audience, make them a part of your speech.
• Backstories: While introducing yourself, you could chip in how you know the couple, if there’s a comical story there, you could add that too.
• Get the guests involved: Whether you’re giving funny wedding speeches as the best man or maid of honor, involving the guests is always a good idea. You could ask them a funny question that loosens them up.
• Take a walk down memory lane: Say something about the groom or even the couple. It might have been a double date or your first meeting, but anecdotes make the best jokes when they are pulled from the truth.
• Make fun of yourself: Be self-deprecating. If you are able to laugh at yourself, others will too.
• Poke fun at the couple: Tease the couple, but lightly. Be careful not to cross any lines, such as talking about any of their exes or anything that could be embarrassing.
• Make it quick: Try to keep your speech under seven minutes. Short is best, but not too short that you barely say a thing.
• End on a high note: Get the audience on their feet as you raise a toast to the couple.

Best Man Funny Wedding Speeches Examples

If you are the best man, chances are that you share a stronger bond with the husband than the wife. Hence, the funny wedding speeches best man gives are what we call the “guys talk”, which is more concentrated on the groom. He surely has more to say about the groom than the bride, but a good speech creates a balance. He must take notice and acknowledge the bride, letting her know how sweet her groom is.

“Afford me the grace to welcome everyone here today for coming all the way to celebrate Emerald and James. It’s an honor to stand in for my brother today as his best man, and my name is Joshua. My dad is quite fascinated with the letter “J”. Our other two brothers are Julius and Jefferson (shakes head). Before I start, I want to acknowledge that my brother can be quite a stunner when he cleans up. Just.look.at.him… And the bride? Who has seen a vision more beautiful? Okay, I have a bragging right, and that’s the fact that I brought this couple together. I think I deserve an extra flute of wine. It happened on one of our many adventures at fishing, we met this beauty, my new sister. My brother was so shy he pushed me to talk to her. I think he was fascinated that a lady fishes with such expertise. Well, we chatted, and I pulled my brother into the chat. We realized that she’s blunt, sweet, smart, and funny. For a laid-back brother, I knew she is the one that can bring him out of his shell. I told him there and then to go see her father. But I think I lost my brother in the process. He never called me to fish anymore, he went with her instead (sad face). Yet, I’m the happiest today (grins). She brings out the light in his eyes. From fishing to grape picking, and many months later, you’re permanently locked together. My brother, the calm level headed genius, selfless and serious, sweet and generous, finds a wife. Who would have thought? James never had time for these things, but see! I’d die a happy man. Both of you are meant for each other, and I pray the love that binds you never breaks. Be each other’s solace always, and no mountain will be too high. I love you, brother, and I adore you, my sister. Happy married life!”

Funny Quotes For Wedding Speeches From Maid Of Honor

The maid of honor and the bride share a great relationship that’s why she snagged the MOH spot. So, we are in for one of the most hilarious wedding speeches because there’s a lot to tell. From growing up to going through life and all the escapades, the maid of honor speech is a funny yet emotional one.

The maid of honor uses every information and public worthy stories at her disposal to pay tribute to the bride. She also goes ahead to mention the groom to understand his luck, even as she makes the guests laugh. See the perfect example below.

“It’s my sincere pleasure to welcome everyone here today. In case you don’t know me, I’m Mackenzie, the maid of honor and bride’s best friend. But I know practically everyone here today. So, I and my friend, the bride (Emerald) made a pact many years ago that we’d be each other’s maid of honor. She said even if we were pregnant and ready to pop, we’d still fill that slot for each other (smiles). Well, here I am today, after many years fulfilling that duty, because that sweet man swept her off her feet. In truth, I don’t know how I and Emerald remain, friends since we met in college. Our meeting is a story for another day. On many occasions, she has left me at the market to go back home, because she simply hates the market. Then I get back home stressed after doing a good deed of handling both our shopping. But she burns my hands with a spoon because I want to pick one slice of beef as she cooks… So much for appreciation. Well, she’s the cook between the two of us anyway. But she compensates with some sweetness. She doesn’t ever want to see me sad, she’d give me a million slices of beef instead. All the fun times we’ve shared as we comfort each other by visiting our favorite snack spot. Times we’ve shared heartfelt talks amidst laughter while munching chips as we watch that your program into the night. I don’t know how I survived to watch that stuff. Yet, you’re everything Emerald, everything and more. Like your name, you’re loyal, peaceful, faithful, balance and love unconditionally. That I am resilient, selfless, upright and emphatic is because of you. I hope you take these qualities even as you forge on in life. I’m sure that you’ll have a successful love life and domestic bliss like your name symbolizes. I love you bestie, you don’t know how much. James (groom), you’ve found a treasure in her, I tell you. Kindly make sure you wipe the kitchen work table clean after use because if she sees it dirty, you don’t want to find out… Remember, for better or worse doesn’t mean you should hurt each other. It means you’ll hold on to each other no matter what life throws at you. Hold steadfast unto each other. Today, I wish you life’s best, and I send you forth with all my Love.”

Funny Grooms Wedding Speeches

Pass around the tissue box guys, because a well thought out groom speech will get you teary. How so? A lot of men don’t do the emotional thing, because they come across as hardcore. But watching a man look at his bride with so much love in his eyes, saying such sweet things about them… Ah!

He talks about his search, possibly many disappointments, love at first sight, or unlikely circumstances to meeting her. Then he injects humor in his speech. Maybe their first date, things they do together, etc. Everyone smiles through their tears. See an amazing template example.

“Let me start by welcoming everyone to this blissful occasion of my wedding. If you’re wondering why I’m nervous… Well, I’m the groom, and the bills for one makes me nervous. We just love you all so much and wish you shared in our day, that we made a long guest list. That’s some bill we raked. Again, Emerald says I don’t listen, so I’m being very careful with what I say right now. I don’t want to spend my first day of married life in the dog house. But you see, I have a beautiful bride, so it’s enough to calm me. Talking about beauty, Emerald is beautiful, both in and out. And I’d say I’m the luckiest and most blessed man on the planet. I mean, who’d spill his drink on a siren, without getting a slap? I did as I was busy looking at this vision in red on the 15th of November 2010. She just smiled and said she gets that all the time, and that’s how we met. She’s also very smart, I can’t get one over her. Her brain has a timer or something because she never forgets. If I tell her to wake me in 20 minutes, I get woken at exactly that time, even if she also went to sleep. Those are the times I want to cry because can’t she just forget?! Yet, that’s one quality that makes her a force to reckon. She pushes me to be better, obsessed with time management that my life has seen a drastic change. My friends are even shocked that I made it early to my wedding — the emerald effect. How I love this woman, she complements me perfectly. I want to thank her for bringing more light into my life. I also want to thank my parent’s in-law for breeding such queen. Yes, she’s regal. They did perfect! And my parents, thank you for helping me spot gold and treasuring it. You remain idols. To everyone else, thank you for making today great and unforgettable.”

Funny Wedding Speeches From The Bride

We are halfway through the tissue box at this time because the bride is all blush and giggles — with starry eyes as she gives her speech. As a bride, your speech will be an emotional one, so a lot of humor is quite needed for a perfect balance.

You’ll talk about you and your journey to being Mrs. You’d touch on what makes you tick and the qualities that make your groom the perfect one. From these qualities, you’d make funny wedding speeches that will get your guests laughing. For some help with bride speech, we’ve given an example below.

“It is common knowledge that I find it hard to keep quiet. Well, today is my day and it won’t be an exception. So, first, let me welcome everyone that has come to share in I and James’s special day. I hope you feel as much love as I’m feeling now. Also, I would have treasured the presence of my grandma today, but I know she’s proud of me. Gran, I know you can see me from up there, I’m a big girl now (teary smile). So, permit me, but can you see my man? Call me conceited, but he’s such a hunk! I’ve had the blessing of being with this man for 5 years, and today I can call him husband (blushes). I want to thank him for being who he is. Sweet, loving, smart, meticulous and selfless. James loves me right and honors me always, except when he’s getting orange seedlings stuck in the blender. And pray to tell why he’d always fall asleep when we are watching my favorite show? But you see, that’s one of the things I love about him. Talk about support, even when it’s inconvenient for him. Babe, you challenge me and push me to be better with your lifestyle. I love you anyhow, warts and all. James has made my life fun and meaningful. I also want to thank persons who have made today a success. From my parent’s in-law that raised such fine young man, to my parents, the dream of all children. I also want to appreciate everyone that helped put today together. May you experience love so true and so pure. I love you all.”

Funny Wedding Speeches Examples For All Guests

It is within etiquette that a wedding speech must focus on the couple while talking great about them. Funny wedding speeches even do much better, because infusing jokes in your speech gets more attention. Weddings are already emotional as it is, so we’d consider these kinds of speeches as the icebreakers.

The jokes you throw on the couple depends on the relationship you share. It also depends on how much you know them, and what they can take. Great funny wedding speech brings on laughter without it going south. If you need inspiration, see some funny wedding speeches examples below.

By Chris Haywood

“Can I start my speech by welcoming the guests? Today, we are quite surrounded by most of the friends and family that have been important to us during our lives. Some have traveled thousands of miles, just to be here today. On behalf of Owen, Patrick and Bonney, Hazel and I – We welcome you all and thank you sincerely for sharing this special day with us. As about half of you will know, this is my second father-of-the-bride speech in less than a year. To misquote Oscar Wilde from “The Importance of Being Ernest” – to lose one daughter may be well considered unlucky. To lose two is careless! Well, I guess that’s OK – because my being careless is how they came to be here in the first place. Making the father of the bride’s speech, I feel a bit like a Sheik walking into his harem for the first time. I know what I’ve got to do, I just don’t know where to start. You will all be quite pleased to learn that my speech will be every bit as good as last time. In fact, my side of the family will probably remember great chunks of it! Not really, although I am following the same format. This means it will probably start badly, sag in the middle with long silences, and then trail off into a lot of incoherent rambling. To be honest, I did try to memorize this speech – but forgive me if I resort to my notes every 5 seconds. I asked for an autocue to be set up in front of me. Apparently, the wedding budget doesn’t stretch that far… and neither does my eyesight. Patrick, we are quite delighted to welcome you into the family. By now, you must be wondering what on earth you have let yourself in for. I want you to know that Hazel and I took it to you instantly. You are a kind and considerate man who deserves a good wife. Thank goodness you married Bonney before you found one! I am only kidding, of course. There is nothing in the world to match the thrill of seeing your first child born. Bonney was a beautiful baby. She still is beautiful – in every sense of the word – and she has continued to fill our lives with happiness and pride. Everyone knows that Bon is a rolling stone – and couldn’t wait to leave home and find new adventures at University. Since then she has made many firm friends, some of whom are decidedly odd – but I’ll say no more about that because most of the odd ones seem to be here today. Now, where was I? Patrick… I expect you may have noticed Pat’s getting on a bit – a few grey hairs already – so it’s taken him some time to find his Miss Right. In fact, his best man tells me he once sent his picture off to a Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back, with a note saying they weren’t that lonely! Patrick is a rugby player – or so I am told. I took the time to ask some of his mates how good he was, where his best position was. To cut a long story short, he seems to be terrible in every position! I’m sure there’s a joke there somewhere… but never mind. I have to say that Bonney and Patrick are extremely well suited, aren’t they? They’re happy and they love each other. That should be enough to see them through life together. It has been well said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership. Whoever said that knows nothing about women and even less about fractions. I asked Pat recently what he was looking for in marriage. He said love, happiness and eventually a family. I asked Bon the same question. She replied “A coffee percolator.” She said a “perky copulator” but I knew what she meant… As you all know, fathers of the bride get to make the first speech. To be honest with you, it’s a bit like being invited to sleep with the Queen Mother. It’s a great honor – but you don’t want to do it! And what about the bridesmaids? Didn’t they look lovely, in the church? Having seen all the Ushers, I thought for a minute I’d accidentally wandered onto the set of “Seven Brides for seven brothers”. I started planning this speech a month ago. And you must feel like I’ve been delivering it equally as long. And I haven’t quite finished yet. Because my next toast is to the bride and groom. This reminds me of the wedding I once went to where the two of the guests were a minister and a priest. When the priest was offered a drink for the toast he said: “I’ll have a large whiskey please”. When the minister was also offered the same, he said “No thanks. I’d rather go with a scarlet woman than touch the demon alcohol”. The priest promptly put his whiskey back on the tray and said: “I didn’t know there was a choice!” Now I don’t want to offend anybody, so if there’s a priest or a minister present, I apologize. And if there’s a scarlet woman here, I’ll meet you in the bar in 10 minutes! Thank you for your indulgence. Without further delay, I’ll ask you to join me in a toast to my beautiful daughter, the bride, and her handsome husband, the groom.”

By John Gallagher

“Good evening everyone, for those of you that don’t know me, my name is John and I’m Katie’s dad. I am delighted to welcome you here tonight to celebrate the Marriage of Katie and Simon. I know that many of you have traveled many thousands of Kilometers to be here in Umea Umio, Sweden, with us today. On behalf of Pippa, Inga, Borje, and myself; I would like to welcome you all here today to help celebrate the marriage of Katie and Simon. I apologize if the accent is difficult for any of you but translators throughout the audience will help and the speech will be posted at the rear of the room later with copies on the internet tomorrow!! Also, I would like to thank the Priest, Inga, for the lovely service in the most beautiful church. Thank you to her boss for the good weather! I’d like to offer my sincere thanks and appreciation to all those who have worked so hard and long to help put this day together, a day which, I am sure, Katie and Simon will cherish for the remainder of their lives together. Standing here tonight reminded me of a joke. Two TV aerials met on a roof, they fell in love and eventually married. The wedding was pretty average but the reception was brilliant. OK, no more jokes!! Katie this is that point in time that every daughter fears…..what is Daddy going to talk about….is he going to tell about the time when…??!! I’m not going to tell of any of those times, but rather, I’m going to say & quote, thank you & quote! You see the one thought I’ve always been able to picture was that of today when you and I shared our little glance at one another as we were ready to start our walk down the aisle. As it was with my daughter Lucy and as it will be with my daughter Gemma, it has always been with me and always will be. I feel extremely lucky and humble in being able to say I have five great children and one special grandchild and to have them all here together gives me a sense of pride. Simon, I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome you into the family, but I’m sure you know that you have been welcome since that first day I met you at my house. Every Father hopes his daughter will find a smart, reliable, sensible, and considerate young man so I have to say, I’m a contented father, as I am delighted to see my daughter looking so happy and well today. It is a real pleasure Simon, to welcome you into our family. Many things go into making a marriage happy: Love, fidelity, trust, someone who will listen, persistence and patience, tolerance and forbearance, tenacity and stamina, forgiveness or failing that, a defective memory. It also helps if the husband is always prepared to take the blame! I’d just like to offer a few words of advice: Katie – If you want something from Simon, just ask for it. Don’t forget he’s a man and hints don’t work. Lastly, always remember, as a great philosopher once said, a man who gives in when he is wrong is wise. Whilst a man who gives in when he is right is married.”

Don’t hesitate to write the funny wedding speeches you need for that special day. Your nerves won’t get the best of you if you know what to say. Follow this well prepared guideline and are sure to be in comical wedding speech heaven in no time.

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50 Funny Marriage Quotes That Are Just the Right Amount of Cheeky

• Jamie is a Senior Editor for The Knot where she oversees all sex and relationship editorial content.
• Before joining The Knot Worldwide, she worked with an array of digital publications that include Brides, The Zoe Report, Bustle and MyDomaine.
• Jamie graduated with a degree in English and Media, Culture & Communications from New York University.

There's so much joy that accompanies marrying the person you laugh the most with in life. And while there are plenty of weighty, thoughtful bits of marriage advice out there to reference, rest assured that there are also funny marriage quotes and funny marriage advice, too, that actually captures the levity and elation that comes with "I do."

After all, let's be real: A happy marriage is usually far from perfect, and married life (hello, spending every waking minute with the same person and somehow still loving them!) is often riddled with hilarious moments. Below, we've collected the pieces of funny marriage advice and funny wedding quotes that just get that.

From relatable jokes from famous folks to humorous dialogue from your favorite rom-coms , these funny marriage quotes are ideal for:

Wedding toasts (think: cheeky best man and bridesmaid toasts !)

Wedding signage (such as neon signs and large escort card displays)

Wedding vows (as long as both partners agree to being humorous during the ceremony)

Cards for couples or for your partner

Bachelor or bachelorette decor

Texting your partner after a long day

Being able to find laughter when the waters get rough can help your relationship stay afloat, too—so you may find yourself referencing the funny marriage advice and funny wedding quotes below throughout your partnership.

Read on for 50 funny marriage quotes and nuggets of witty advice.

Funny Wedding and Marriage Quotes From Movies, Books and Television

1. "The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are: good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." — Juno

2. "The first draft of my vows, which I wrote the day after we got engaged, clocked in at around 70 pages." — Parks and Recreation

3 . "Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up, she's there. You come back from work, she's there. You fall asleep, she's there. You eat dinner, she's there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing, but it's not." — Everybody Loves Raymond

4. A wedding marks the first day of the rest of your life. You have been dead until now. Were you aware of that? You're dead right now. — Bride Wars

5. If you're thinking of getting married, you might as well learn right now that you have to let women be women." — Hello, Dolly!

6. "She's your lobster. C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws" — Friends

7. Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid, you don't deserve to be in love. — A Lot Like Love

8. You know your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up. Yeah and you looks are kind of pretty. When your face isn't screwing it up. — The Goonies

9. "I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure that I'm arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone." —J.R.R. Tolkien, T he Hobbit

10. "Remember, we're madly in love, so it's alright to kiss me anytime you feel like it." —Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

11. "I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night." — When Harry Met Sally

12. "Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as 'the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.' Well, you know something? I think you guys are two medals. Gold medals." — The Office

13. "But the thing is this, after a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh." — Sex and the City

14. I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is. — Forrest Gump

15. When you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me? — Definitely, Maybe

16. If you're ever with a girl that's too good for you, marry her. — Valentine's Day

Funny Quotes About Marriage From Notable Figures

1. "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." —Rita Rudner

2. "Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

3. "I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored." —Cameron Esposito

4. "Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one." —Mae West

5. "We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness–and call it love–true love." —Robert Fulghum

6. "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." —André Maurois

7. "Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." —Ogden Nash

8. "My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me." —Winston Churchill

9. "Love is blind; marriage is the eye-opener." —Pauline Thomason

10. "Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you." —Chip Gaines

11. "The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him." —Cher

12. "I can't make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75." —Rob Delaney

13. "Love is a two-way street constantly under construction." —Carroll Bryant

14. "Michelle's like Beyoncé in that song, 'Let me upgrade ya!' She upgraded me."—Barack Obama

15. "I'm married to a very unusual person, but maybe it took a very unusual person to be willing to marry me." —Fiona Shaw

16. "There are a hundred paths through the world that are easier than loving. But who wants easier?" —Mary Oliver

17. "Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family." —Chelsea Handler

18. "If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." —Fran Lebowitz

19. "Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there." —George Burns

20. "A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores." —Terry Pratchett

Funny Marriage Advice From Notable Figures

1. "The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg

2. "To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up." —Ogden Nash

3. "For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." —Catherine Zeta-Jones

4. "Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit." —Billy Connolly

5. "Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash." —Dr. Joyce Brothers

6. "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times—always with the same person." —Mignon McLaughlin

7. "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." —Benjamin Franklin

8. "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." —Anne Bancroft

9. "Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid [their] problems sound to you." —Megan Mullally

10. "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are." —Will Ferrell

11. "Make sure you have date night even if it's once in a blue moon because most of the time you're just too tired and you'd actually prefer to sleep." —Chris Hemsworth

12. "Marriage is like a graph: It has its ups and downs and as long as things bounce back up again, you've got a good marriage. If it heads straight down, then you've got some problems!" —Julie Andrews

13. " I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun."―Mindy Kaling

14. "A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked." —LeAnn Rimes

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14 Hilariously Funny Quotes About Marriage From Your Favorite Movies

Our favorite hilarious marriage quotes from our all-time-favorite movies.

By Kristen Droesch — Written on Apr 12, 2016

Marriage is a serious institution , not to be entered into lightly. But that doesn't mean we can't make fun of it from time to time!

And who does it better than the celebs in our favorite movies?

Check out these funny quotes about marriage from movies.

1. "husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." — letters to juliet.

RELATED:  100 Inspirational Love Quotes To Say I Love You

2. "If you are ever with a girl that is too good for you – marry her." — Valentine's Day

3. "We were perfectly happy until we decided to live happily ever after." — Sex and the City

4. "Marriage is the Jack Kevorkian of romance." — The Story of Us

5. "Marriages don't work when one partner is happy and the other is miserable. Marriage is about both people being equally miserable." — Forget Paris

6. "We both said, 'I do!' and we haven't agreed on a single thing since." — So I Married an Axe Murderer

7. "A wedding is like a funeral, but with musicians." — Mobsters

RELATED:  75 Marriage Quotes That Perfectly Sum Up Married Life

8. "Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage." — Clue

9. "I'd do anything to save my marriage but I just haven't got the time." — Sex and the Single Girl

10. "Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of "Everybody Loves Raymond", only it doesn't last twenty-two minutes. It last forever." — Knocked Up

11. "(To marry again) is the victory of optimism over experience." — The Private Life of Henry VIII

12. "Did you know that the institution of marriage was created when the average person lived to the age of 30?" — The Last Kiss

13. "A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then it's too late." — The Joker is Wild

14. "Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries." — Wayne's World

RELATED:  31 Funny Love Quotes From Comedians That Describe Your Crazy Relationship

Kristen Droesch is a writer, editor and librarian-in-progress.

Amazing Tips & Themes For Your Magical Wedding

• Magical Words

80 Funny Marriage Quotes You Will Want In Your Wedding Speech

• Posted by by Jodie Messines

A sense of humor is always a welcome addition to every marriage. In fact, those who have been married for twenty years or more often say it is a necessity. 

Whether you can both laugh at your own flaws (and even each other’s), or use humor to lighten up darker times, being able to laugh is a great way to have a healthy marriage.

Laughter is also a fantastic way to bring some joy to a speech . Who doesn’t like the odd joke at a wedding , for example? 

Whether you are just looking to have a laugh as a married man or woman, or you are hoping to boost the appeal of your speech – be that for a wedding, engagement party or anniversary – you will find 60 funny marriage quotes in this article  that are guaranteed to make you laugh.

Funny Quotes That Are About the Wife

• “When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” – Molly McGee
• “My wife didn’t take my name, which isn’t weird, but what’s weird is when people think it’s weird, like we’re on a first-name basis anyway.” – Mark Agee
• “We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse.” – Henry Youngman
• “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.” – Winston Churchill
• “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” – Henry Youngman
• “My wife is a psychologist… Not only does she know when I’m being a jerk, but she knows exactly what type of jerk I’m being.” – Lee Judge
• “My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.” – Unknown
• “My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.” – Jack Benny
• “She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.” – St Elmo’s Fire
• “I’ve been married for 27 years and fortunately, my wife is not in love with me anymore. She’s deeply committed to tolerating me.” – Bill Maher
• “My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” – Henry Youngman
• “Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.” – Joginder Singh

Funny Quotes That Are About the Husband

• “A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.”  – Frank Sinatra
• “My husband and I have never considered divorce…murder sometimes, but never divorce.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers
• “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft
• “What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” – Cindy Garner
• “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” – Megan Mullally
• “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen
• “Husbands and wives are so irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”- – Janet Periat
• “The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.” – Oscar Wilde
• “The difference between a boyfriend and a husband is about 30 pounds.” – Cindy Gardner
• “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” – Phyllis Diller
• “A husband is what’s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.” – Helen Rowland
• “You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!” – Bill Maher

Funny Quotes from TV and Movies

• “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” – Harry Burns from When Harry Met Sally
• “Marriage is like a tense, unfunny, version of ‘Everybody Loves Raymond.’ Only it doesn’t last 22. It lasts forever.” – Pete from Knocked Up
• “You want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up, she’s there. You come back from work, she’s there. You fall asleep, she’s there. You eat dinner, she’s there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing, but it’s not.” – Ray from Everybody Loves Raymond
• “She’s your lobster. Come on, you guys. It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws.” – Phoebe from Friends
• “Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature.” – Donatella from Letters to Juliet
• “Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass.” – Mac MacGuff from Juno

Funny Quotes About Being Married

• “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” – Benjamin Franklin 
• “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
• “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” – Prince Phillip
• “No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” – Homer Simpson
• “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
• “We have a couple of rules in our relationship. The first rule is that I make her feel like she’s getting everything. The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. And, so far, it’s working.” – Justin Timberlake
• “Love is the same as like, except you feel sexier.” – Judith Viorst
• “Make sure you have date night even if it’s once in a blue moon because most of the time you’re just too tired and you’d actually prefer to sleep.” – Chris Hemsworth
• “I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” – Cameron Esposito
• “A man’s main job is to protect his woman from her desire to ‘get bangs’ every other month.” – Dax Shepard
• “People say, ‘Jeez, it must be hard to stay married in show business.’ I think it’s hard to stay married anywhere, but if you marry the right person, it might work out.” – Tom Hanks
• “One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’” – Michelle Obama
• “In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” – Rita Rudner
• “I don’t want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad, and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat.” – Mindy Kaling
• “Because I always say, if you’re married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you’re doing really good!” – Michelle Obama
• “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go and live with a car battery.” – Emma Bombeck
• “Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns
• “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” – Mickey Rooney
• “The most important four words for a successful marriage: I’ll do the dishes.” – Anonymous
• “When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” – Helen Rowland
• “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr
• “When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.” – Richard Lewis
• “Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner – just so they can have the last word.” – Janet Periat
• “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” – Jean Illsely Clarke
• “Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you’ll meet that night.” – Paul Hornung
• “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher.” – Socrates
• “After about 15 years I finally figured out that she’s always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that.” – Barack Obama
• “My wife and I have been married for 21 years, and without a doubt, the hardest times we’ve faced were those times when we hated each other.” – Andy Richter
• “Love, gratitude, compassion, because sometimes every man or every woman will drive their partner crazy.” – Goldie Hawn 
• “Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time.” – Chris Rock

“Marriage is …” Funny Quotes

• “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.” – George Bernard Shaw
• “Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two.” – Ambrose Bierce
• “Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.” – Richard Pryor
• “Marriage is a wonderful institution. If it weren’t for marriage, husbands and wives would have to fight with perfect strangers.” – Phyllis Diller
• “Marriage was all a woman’s idea, and for man’s acceptance of the pretty yoke it becomes us to be grateful.” – Phyllis McGinley
• “Marriage is a wonderful invention; but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.” – Billy Connolly
• “Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.” – Beverley Nichols
• “Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.” – Aeschylus
• “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” – French Proverb
• “Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that reenlist.” – James Garner
• “Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give.” – Cass Daley
• “Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” – Jenny Seinfeld
• “Marriage is like a graph – it has its ups and downs, and as long as things bounce back up again, you’ve got a good marriage. If it heads straight down, then you’ve got some problems!” – Dame Julie Andrews
• “Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry the trash out.” – Joyce Brothers
• “Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash
• “Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.” – Evelyn Hendrickson
• “Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.” – Irwin Corey
• “Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.” – Michel de Montaigne
• “Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning a handspring or eating with chopsticks: It looks easy until you try it.” – Helen Rowland
• “Marriage is not a word, it’s a sentence… a life sentence.” – Unknown

Final Thoughts

As you can see there are many funny quotes to suit a wedding, engagement party, or even an anniversary. 

So long as the couple likes a laugh, at least one of these quotes will have everyone in the room in fits of laughter. 

If you are not writing a speech and just need to have a laugh, then no doubt you have found a few quotes that you can relate to. 

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Jodie Messines

Hey there! I'm Jodie Messines, your go-to gal for everything wedding-related. I've been in the fashion and event planning industry for years, and I'm now living my dream as the marketing manager at magicaldayweddings.com. When I'm not busy scouring the internet for the latest trends, you can find me cuddled up with my fur babies, binge-watching romantic comedies, and sipping on a good glass of red wine. I'm also an avid traveler, and I love exploring new destinations and immersing myself in different cultures.

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30+ Maid of Honor Speech Quotes to Help You Nail Your Toast

These quotes will add the perfect touch to your maid of honor speech!

Photo by Sarah Joy Photo

In This Article

Looking for maid of honor speech quotes to breathe life into your wedding toast? If you're trying to figure out the perfect words to say to the bride on her wedding day, you may want to start, end—or even fill your maid of honor speech with famous quotes about love and marriage. Discover more than 30 of our favorite quotes about marriage and love that are perfect for your maid of honor speech!

Inspirational Quotes

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get—only with what you are expecting to give—which is everything.” —Katherine Hepburn

"The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes." —Amy Grant

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." —Mignon McLaughlin

"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love." —Pearl S. Buck

"Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.” —James C. Dobson

"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate." —Barnett R. Brickner

"A marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's the way you love your partner every day." —Barbara De Angelis

"Marriages, like a garden, take time to grow. But the harvest is rich unto those who patiently and tenderly care for the ground." —Darlene Schacht

"To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with." —Mark Twain

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls..." —Kahlil Gibran

Sentimental Quotes

"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." —Andre Maurois

"To love another person is to see the face of God." —Victor Hugo

"This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First, to let go of life. In the end, to take a step without feet; to regard this world as invisible, and to disregard what appears to be the self." —Rumi

"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved." —George Sand

"Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner." —Amy Bloom

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.” —Henry David Thoreau

"Love doesn’t make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile." —Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." —1 Corinthians 13:4-8

“Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold.” —Zelda Fitzgerald

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” —Albert Einstein

"What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life—to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?" —George Eliot

"Who, being loved, is poor?" —Oscar Wilde

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love." —Sophocles

"You don't find love, it finds you. It's got a little bit to do with destiny, fate, and what's written in the stars." —Anaïs Nin

"Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” —Mark Twain

"The highest happiness on earth is the happiness of marriage." —William Lyon Phelps

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." —Zora Neale Hurston

"To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life." —Victor Hugo

Film Quotes

"Love is that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kinda stuff." — Angels in the Outfield

"It's an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and accept you for what you are." — Breaking Dawn Part 1

"May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life. And if you must cheat, then please cheat death. Because I couldn't live a day without you." — Leap Year

"The heart’s not like a box that gets filled up. It expands in size the more you love." — Her

“We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet. ... I mean, what does any one life mean? But, in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things...all of it, all the time, every day.” — Shall We Dance

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with a person, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." — When Harry Met Sally

"True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another." — Wedding Crashers

"This is true love. You think this happens every day?" — The Princess Bride

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