book review ego is the enemy

Ego Is the Enemy: Summary & Review

Ego is The Enemy teaches readers about the dangers and pitfalls of our ego. If we don’t get control of our ego, says author Ryan Holiday, it will stop us from being the best individuals we can be and it prevents us from achieving our full potential.

Bullet Summary

• What’s Ego?

The 3 Phases of Ego

Make it, don’t fake it, ambition vs egoism, how to control your ego, pride prevents us from bigger achievements, find purpose, not passion, rein your ego when you encounter sabotage, live in reality, the danger of success, ego makes you approval seeking, focus on what’s important to you, ego destroys great teams, all the dangers of ego, ego is the enemy quotes, real-life applications.

• Ego blinds us and inflates our sense of worth, distorting reality
• When ego and pride get to us, we lose track of what really matters and what we need to focus on
• There are many techniques to avoid ego-take over, including being eternal learners and paying homage to everyone who’s helped us along the way

Full Summary

A moderate ego is important to success in life. It allows us to compete, strive to reach our goals, and do our best to surpass our past achievements.

Some psychiatrists even say that narcissism in moderate doses is positively correlated with healthy self-esteem and positive personality.

However, Ego is The Enemy focuses on those instances when the ego doesn’t help us anymore and stands in the way of our success.

What’s Ego ?

This could be a definition of the harmful type of ego that Ryan Holiday wants to warn us against:

Ego is the unhealthy belief in your own importance

Holiday divides Ego is The Enemy into three phases, with the ego playing a different role in each one of them:

• Aspire (talk less and do more; drop the 10.000-hour rule: it takes infinite time to master)
• Success (ego gets big here and undermines your own success)

Ryan trashes the idea of “faking it till you make it”. Make it instead, focus on becoming so good that you don’t even think about faking it.

It’s the ego that wants you to fake it. It’s the ego that wants to look good and successful and looks for the trappings of success instead of real mastery.

Ryan Holiday distinguishes between ambition and egoism.

Ambitious people strive to excel in their field and be the best they can be, regardless of whether they become famous and receive accolades and congratulations.

Egoists instead chase after fame, popularity, and accolades, whether they are actually skilled at what they do or not.

Here are a way tips and mindsets to control our egos:

• Eternal learner: remind yourself that there is always something new to learn
• Know that mastery is an eternal pursuit (sweeping the gym floor every day)
• Find someone more skilled than you are to learn from
• Teach to beginners
• Trust others and learn to delegate (our ego stops us from delegating by telling us we’re the only ones who can perform well)
• Share recognition with others (often they’ll do the same back)
• Think, recognize, and say thank you to all the people who supported you

Pride and ego are connected but different.

Pride helps us justify our ego, and tells us how good we are after a major success that we’ve had.

However, pride blinds us to new opportunities and room for improvement . Pride makes us defensive when someone criticizes us or shows us that we could do better. And instead of looking at reality and ways we could move forward, we get busy defending ourselves and bragging about what we’ve done.

Ryan Holiday notices that we are constantly bombarded with the message of “finding our passion”. But, similarly to Cal Newport and Angela Duckworth , he warns that “finding our passion” is often a fool’s quest.

Holiday proposes purpose and realism instead of passion. What’s the difference? The purpose is passion tempered with a healthy dose of realism and perspective. The realistic side is always checking in and making sure that we are moving forward on the right track. Because achievement cannot rely on daydreamers.

Also, read:

• Start With WHY

Achievement’s foundation lay on realism, not daydreaming

Ryan says that it’s almost a given that as you strive valiantly towards your goals, you’ll meet not just total indifference, but possibly even covert or open sabotage.

Some people will indeed go out of their way to make you fail.

It’s easy then to be sidetracked by incredulity, hurt ego, or even reactive impulses of revenge. But that’s exactly when you need to stay calm, put your head down and get on with the most efficient and effective work you can produce. You can’t afford to be jerked left and right by your ego.

Stay The (Un-distracted) Course

This concept is what Ryan refers to as Euthymya, which would roughly translate to “tranquility”. It’s the tranquility of following your path without worrying about distractions.

Contrary to the very popular advice these days of the “reality distortion field” and “law of attraction” Holiday recommends you focus on reality and don’t allow your mind to create abstract versions of reality.

Here Holiday ties realism back to the concept of pride. Pride will take an actual achievement, but unrealistically blow it out of proportion. This tendency will make us forget the reality of the situation, and that’s always that there is so much more to do.

Live with the tangible and real, even if—especially if—it’s uncomfortable

Success is especially dangerous when it comes to ego.

When you become successful the tendency is to tell your story in an embellished form. The struggles you’ve overcome, the demons you’ve conquered, and the accomplishments seem all but obvious given your immense talent.

You keep telling that story to people and to yourself and your talent becomes your identity and your accomplishments become what you’re worth.

And that’s when you get trapped. You become scared of trying something new and of being found lacking because now your story is that of an almost infallible being.

Instead, always keep telling yourself the truth, remind yourself of your lowest moments as well and stay grounded by taking pride in being an eternal learner.

Finally, ego makes you a slave to others by making you seek the approval of others.

People with an outsized ego are not really focused on results, self-control, and achieving self-mastery. They are after accolades and hand-clapping. And they are eternal approval seekers.

To live a fulfilling life you should focus on what really matters to you.

If you don’t know what’s really important to you, it’s easy to be swayed in life by shining toys and money. And indeed this is especially true with money. Because if you don’t know how much you need, the answer with money is always the same: you need more .

And chances are that as you chase money, your quality of life will suffer.

As teams become more successful, the people in it grow and become stars.

But as their sense of self-importance grows bigger and bigger, they start claiming and fighting for the spotlight all for themselves.

That breaks the team and rarely leads to more success. Take the example of the Lakers with Kobe Bryant and O’Neal. The bickering between the two eventually led to a breakup and O’Neal leaving the team, which interrupted a streak of 3 championships in a row (you can read the account of their trainer Phil Jackson in Eleven Rings ).

Instead, realize that your strength comes from your team, and the more you push your team up, the more they will push you further up.

Ryan says that ego is responsible for a lot of our failures, undoing, and overall ineffectiveness. Because of ego:

• We delay doing what we should do
• It poisons our relationships as we seek to hog the spotlight
• It blocks us from thinking long term
• Encourages us to be greedy, which rarely makes us happy and fulfilled
• Shifting blame: when things don’t go well, we rather blame someone else

On ego is the enemy:

Your ego is the enemy—it blocks us from improving by telling us that we don’t need to improve. Then we wonder why we don’t get the results we want, why others are better and why their success is more lasting.

On the silliness of “passion”:

The critical work that you want to do will require your deliberation and consideration. Not passion.

On overcoming entitlement mentality:

Who can afford to be jerked around by impulses, or believe that you’re God’s gift to humanity, or too important to put up with anything you don’t like? Those who have subdued their ego understand that it doesn’t degrade you when others treat you poorly; it degrades them.

On teamwork:

Soccer coach Tony Adams expresses it well. Play for the name on the front of the jersey, he says, and they’ll remember the name on the back.

On doing your best:

Your potential, the absolute best you’re capable of—that’s the metric to measure yourself against. Your standards are. Winning is not enough. People can get lucky and win. People can be assholes and win. Anyone can win. But not everyone is the best possible version of themselves.

Amen to that.

Ground Yourself In Reality Take with a pinch of salt all the literature telling you to “build your own reality”. They make a great point when they talk about beliefs and focusing on your goals, but never, never forget to also firmly ground yourself in reality.

Be Aware of Your Ego Be aware of how your ego is either helping you or hindering you toward your goals. Indeed, I agree with Ryan: ego can be a major drag on a happy, successful, and fulfilling life. I would also like to add though that you can leverage your ego instead of just getting it out of your way. Check out Ultimate Power .

Don’t Build Your Own Cage As you get successful, don’t make your story, and don’t teach from a place of greatness. Otherwise, you build your identity around perfection and that will become your own cage ( fixed mindset ).

Don’t Shift Blame & Play Ostrich Once our ego has grown, we can find it hard to accept and own failure. And that’s when we hide, rage, and shift blame. Don’t allow your ego to ever grow so big that you cannot face failure. We all fail, it’s all about how we react to it -or act around it-.

Develop Ego Resilience Develop a growth mindset and an antifragile ego .

The bigger the ego the harder the fall

Doesn’t Tackle the Positive Sides of Ego Ryan mentions that a big ego is unhelpful. But in a book that talks about how ego impairs us, I would have also liked a chapter on how we can use ego to become better and more effective human beings.

Historical “Facts” & Correlation The author leverages a lot of historical examples to make his points, and I like that. However, I didn’t like the determinism with which some examples were presented. For example, did Napoleon overreach because he believed in destiny? Maybe, but we don’t know that. And there could be a million other reasons why he over-stretched, including hubris, lack of knowledge of Russian winters, etc., etc. The more scientifically-minded among the readers will find a few of those examples to be a bit of a stretch. But it’s a small detail.

Great Wisdom Those who seek to become the best versions of themselves will find a lot of wisdom in “ Ego Is the Enemy “. And learning about our own ego is a necessity for those who want to move forward in life.

Ryan’s Realism I absolutely love Ryan Holiday’s real take on life. He doesn’t BS you with stuff like “love, love, love, and people will love you”.

I had already read The Obstacle is The Way from Holiday, which catapulted him as one of my favorite authors.

Maybe it’s no coincidence that Ryan’s mentor was Robert Greene, another one of my favorite authors ( The 48 Laws of Power , Mastery ,  The Art of Seduction , The 50th Law ).

I have to admit the title of the book, “ Ego Is the Enemy “, made me a bit skeptical. I know some people truly have the mindset that you need to “destroy your own ego”, and I think that’s wrong: you don’t need to “destroy” your ego. I think you should use and recruit your ego and then it can become your ally instead of your enemy (read: the power of the antifragile ego ).

However, that’s not what Ryan really meant. He is not recommending anyone to “destroy” one’s ego. He simply focuses on all the ways that ego can impair us and stop us from what should always be our number one goal: being the best possible version of ourselves that we can be.

So, do I recommend “ Ego Is the Enemy “? Absolutely. Ryan delivered another awesome gem to guide us on being the very best versions of ourselves.

Read the best books collection  or get the book on Amazon

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Lucio Buffalmano

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Ego is the Enemy Book Review | 11 Lessons + Quotes

Blog , Books , Personal Development / October 1, 2021 by admin / 1 Comment

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I’ve just finished Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. Here is my book review with the lessons I’ve learned, plus inspirational quotes.

Read also: 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think Book Review

Read also: The Unfair Advantage Book Review | 11 Lessons + Quotes

Book Review

“Ego Is The Enemy” is a very ‘tough love’ and ‘no-bs’ book. It highlights the many different ways ego can be our downfall and how to rise above our ego through interesting real-life examples you’ve probably not heard of before. The book is relatively short, with short chapter sizes that are comfortable to read. 

1. You’re not more important than others; you’re not entitled to succeed; you’re not above certain types of work

“The ego we see most commonly goes by a more casual definition: an unhealthy belief in our own importance. Arrogance. Self-centered ambition.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“What is rare is not raw talent, skill, or even confidence, but humility, diligence, and self-awareness.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“Greatness comes from humble beginnings; it comes from grunt work. It means you’re the least important person in the room—until you change that with results.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

Feeling above others or certain types of work is the fastest way to sabotage any attempts at succeeding in life. 

Especially in the beginning stages of your journey, you often have to do dirty work to get off the ground. Maybe this comes in the form of being the coffee boy at your law firm or writing hundreds of emails asking for a chance to guest post on a popular blog. 

It doesn’t matter how superior you feel. As long as you don’t have anything convincing to show for it, your entitlement will impress exactly no one. 

Only your hard work will. 

2. Stop talking about your actions and plans; spend your energy on doing

“In fact, many valuable endeavors we undertake are painfully difficult, whether it’s coding a new startup or mastering a craft. But talking, talking is always easy.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“Talk depletes us. Talking and doing fight for the same resources. Research shows that while goal visualization is important, after a certain point our mind begins to confuse it with actual progress. The same goes for verbalization.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“Success requires a full 100 percent of our effort, and talk flitters part of that effort away before we can use it.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

Planning and dreaming are fun. It makes us feel all excited and organized. 

However, it gets us exactly nowhere. 

Sure, we need some vague basic plan on how to proceed and where to go. But this needs to be far less elaborate than we try to tell ourselves. 

All you need is a goal and a starting point. From there on, the only thing to get you towards success is action. 

Stop telling people about your goals and a grand vision. Get yourself, one accountability buddy, if necessary, but beyond that, stay silent and get sh#t done! 

Everything else is a waste of energy.

3. Decide what’s more important to you: To BE something or to DO something

“Appearances are deceiving. Having authority is not the same as being an authority. Having the right and being right are not the same either. Being promoted doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing good work and it doesn’t mean you are worthy of promotion (they call it failing upward in such bureaucracies). Impressing people is utterly different from being truly impressive.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

Being a student is easy. Studying not so much. That’s why there are many long-running students without a degree to show for their studies.

Having a blog is not the same thing as blogging. Many people have a blog they’ve abandoned after half a year of not getting anywhere. Far fewer people are blogging consistently every week for years until they succeed. 

Focus more on DOING than on BEING. The latter will deceive you into thinking you are succeeding, only to have this pretty picture crumbling around you in the long term.

4. Studious self-assessment is key

“The pretense of knowledge is our most dangerous vice, because it prevents us from getting any better. Studious self-assessment is the antidote.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“A true student is like a sponge. Absorbing what goes on around him, filtering it, latching on to what he can hold. A student is self-critical and self-motivated, always trying to improve his understanding so that he can move on to the next topic, the next challenge. A real student is also his own teacher and his own critic. There is no room for ego there.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

How does one become a master? He starts as a student and works his way up the ladder.

What does it mean to be a student? Being a student means learning from people more experienced than you through books, mentors, courses, school, etc. 

Learning doesn’t mean knowing, so we test ourselves regularly. And if we don’t do well, we do some self-assessment to analyze the problem and try to see how we can improve. 

This cycle goes on and on until, at some point, our ego sneaks in and convinces us that we have learned all there is and that we are the master now. 

Perhaps that might even be true for a short while, but certainly not in the long term. 

If we don’t keep up with being students, we will fall behind our competitors and the ever-changing world. 

5. Passion can be the problem, not the solution

“Passion typically masks a weakness. Its breathlessness and impetuousness and franticness are poor substitutes for discipline, for mastery, for strength and purpose and perseverance. “ – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“What humans require in our ascent is purpose and realism. Purpose, you could say, is like passion with boundaries. Realism is detachment and perspective.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

We all know that work doesn’t feel like work if we are passionate about it. With passion, we are capable of giving 120% instead of our usual best. 

Sadly, many people take this as an excuse for why they can’t succeed. If they would finally find their passion, they argue, everything would be different. 

However, they don’t realize that passion can be a problem just as much as the solution. 

Passion alone rarely suffices to get you to succeed. As soon as passion wanes, you are going to need discipline and perseverance to keep going. 

So never rely solely on passion on your journey to success. Don’t use a lack of passion as an excuse for giving up or not even trying.

6. Helping others helps yourself in the long-run

“Make other people look good and you will do well.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“Clear the path for the people above you and you will eventually create a path for yourself.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

It sucks if someone takes credit for your hard work. It sucks if your effort is helping someone else, yet you are seemingly stuck where you’ve started. 

But throwing in the towel or demanding recognition is not the solution. 

Sometimes you just have to give, give, give and be patient before you start receiving. 

7. Don’t let your daydreams saturate your craving for a better life

“Living clearly and presently takes courage. Don’t live in the haze of the abstract, live with the tangible and real, even if—especially if—it’s uncomfortable. Be part of what’s going on around you. Feast on it, adjust for it.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“The distinction between a professional and a dilettante occurs right there—when you accept that having an idea is not enough; that you must work until you are able to recreate your experience effectively in words on the page.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

We need to visualize our goals before we can reach them. In fact, studies have proven that imagining themselves training can substitute in part for real physical training for athletes. 

The visualization activates the same brain areas that would be activated if you were doing the actual activity. 

As great as this is, it can backlash. If we imagine our success too often, it will saturate our craving for success because it feels like we’ve already accomplished it.

And without that craving, why would we step outside of our comfort zone?

8. You don’t always have to defend your honor

“We have to stand up for ourselves, right? But do we? So often, this is just ego, escalating tension more than dealing with it.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

Sometimes you have to suck up some amount of mistreatment on your way to the top. Ego is the Enemy highlights a heartbreaking but very illustrative example of a black athlete who had to keep his head down in the face of harsh and very public racism to rise to the top. 

You might also encounter opponents like sexists or racists that try to take a hit at you every chance they get. They try to provoke you into acting out so that you lose everything you’ve worked so hard for. 

Only by remaining calm and keeping your ego in check can you rise into a place of power, in which you can defend your honor without risking your future. 

Mind you, if there are ways for you to speak out against your tormentors without it damaging your climb to success, go for it! Just make sure to not do it blindly because your ego demands revenge. 

9. Don’t wallow in self-pity; make use of the bad luck to the best of your abilities

“Make use of what’s around you. Don’t let stubbornness make a bad situation worse.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

There is always something good that can be wrung out of the worst luck in some shape or form.

It’s immensely hard to see it that way, and most people let their ego lead them to comforting self-pity.

If you manage to withstand this urge, you will come out the other side much quicker and in better shape than most people.

10. Set your own standards of success, and you won’t care about outside approval or criticism

“It’s far better when doing good work is sufficient. In other words, the less attached we are to outcomes the better. When fulfilling our own standards is what fills us with pride and self-respect. When the effort—not the results, good or bad—is enough.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

“Your potential, the absolute best you’re capable of—that’s the metric to measure yourself against. Your standards are. Winning is not enough. People can get lucky and win. People can be assholes and win. Anyone can win. But not everyone is the best possible version of themselves.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

Nobody knows you as well as you do. You know your skills, your history, and your goals. 

The metric others set for success won’t always feel like a good fit for you. 

Most people might see a B in school, not as something worth many celebrations. However, if you’ve always struggled and never managed to get anything above a C, this is a huge success!

On the other hand, it’s also ok to be unhappy with an outstanding grade if you know you could have done even better. 

Don’t let other people’s standards hold you back from pushing yourself to the next level.

11. Don’t aspire to mere success; aspire to thrive despite anything life throws at you

“This is what we’re aspiring to—much more than mere success. What matters is that we can respond to what life throws at us. And how we make it through.” – Ryan Holiday (Ego is the Enemy)

There are a million ways to succeed in life. The thing about success is, however, that there is always a bit of luck involved. 

You know luck in the sense of having been in the right place at the right time to take advantage of opportunities, information, or other resources. 

The flipside of that is that bad luck can hit us just as much and destroy or at least diminish our success.

So while striving for success is a good goal, it would be much better to seek the strength and resourcefulness that enables you to thrive in any situation. 

If you manage that, you will be wildly successful during lucky times and do well enough during unfortunate times. 

Have you read Ego is the Enemy already? If so, what lesson or story stood out the most to you? 

Also, I’m curious, what are you currently reading? 

Share your thoughts with us!

Until next time, lovely Felicity Seeker!

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Book review - Ego is the enemy

Book Review: Ego Is The Enemy By Ryan Holiday

I know that self-help books are not everybody’s cup of tea, but trust me, this one needs to be on your To Be Read List. It is composed of 159 pages of lessons and epiphanies of the changes that you need to be making in your life.

Ryan Holiday, author of Ego is the enemy, starts off by explaining that the book will not be about him, seeing as this will be a mere contradiction to the title. He explains how his life experiences made him arrive at the conclusion that Ego is indeed, the enemy.

Truth be told, our egos hold us back from doing a lot of things, in our careers, our social relationships, our families, and even just for our own wellbeing. Our egos make us think that we are better than others or that we don’t deserve to go through some things in life. They hinder us from being the best versions of ourselves.

For this and other reasons, Ryan Holiday, author of Ego is the enemy, wrote the book not only to help his target audience but also to help himself. This book will help you to scrutinise yourself and your behaviours and how they may be hindering you from reaching your fullest potential.

It will help you to question the motives for your actions and the reasons why you long for success so much. As Ryan Holiday asks in one of the chapters, “To be or to do? Which side will you choose?” In the book, you will realize that a lot of us have a skewed perception of what success really is.

My favourite chapter in Ego is the enemy is in Part 3 on Failure, titled Always Love. The book questions the motive behind many of our actions. When we are tempted to be bitter and to do things out of ‘hurt,’ what do we choose? Attempting to destroy something out of hate or ego often ensures that it will be preserved and disseminated forever . Meanwhile, love is right there. Egoless, open, positive, vulnerable, peaceful, and productive.

Another interesting chapter is that which speaks about The management of me. If you achieve success, and especially at an early stage in life, then you are likely to start believing that you are special or that the world owes you some sort of special treatment. ‘The management of me’ helps you to humble yourself through all these achievements, realizing that at any point in time there will be someone better than you.

Through the three chapters of the book, your eyes will be opened to the fact that at any stage you encounter, humility is likely to build your character far more than your ego ever would. To whatever you aspire, ego is the enemy. To whatever success you have achieved, ego is the enemy. To whatever challenges and failure you will achieve, ego is the enemy.

You can get the book on Amazon .

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Book Review: Ego is the Enemy

Richard Blackaby Sept. 10, 2020

Ryan Holiday, Ego Is the Enemy . (aff.) New York: Portofino, Penguin Books, 2016. 226 pages.

This book is thought-provoking and highly practical. My friend Cheryl Bachelder recommended it, and when she makes suggestions, I pay attention! Ryan Holiday begins the book by sharing his own journey and why the subject matter is important to him. But then he steps away from personal storytelling and draws on history and wisdom literature to undergird his thesis. I enjoyed this approach.

Sometimes authors have a profound life experience and then write a book as if their experience, whether it be suffering bankruptcy, divorce, or a breakdown, is everyone's inevitable destiny. By removing his personal story from center stage, Holiday lets history make his case rather than relying on his own limited life experience. But it is interesting that Holiday has "ego is the enemy" tattooed on his right forearm (xxiii). Clearly, this message resonates with him!

Holiday notes that there are four stages of ego: 1) aspiration, 2) success, 3) failure, 4) back again (xix). He claims, "There is no one moment that changes a person. There are many" (xx). He notes that "Precisely what makes us so promising as thinkers, doers, creatives, and entrepreneurs, what drives us to the top of these fields, makes us vulnerable to the darker side of the psyche" (1).

Holiday defines ego as "an unhealthy belief in our own importance. Arrogance. Self-centered ambition" (2). Holiday warns that "Ego inhibits true success by preventing a direct and honest connection to the world around us" (3). He suggests that "When we remove ego, we're left with what is real" (8). He adds, "Now, more than ever, our culture fans the flames of our ego" (4). He notes that, at any point in time, people are in one of the stages of ego he outlines (5). He concedes that there are outliers, such as Steve Jobs, who have a huge ego and still manage to be successful. But Holiday argues Jobs' ego did not make him successful, but rather his success stemmed from the times he reined his ego in long enough to use his considerable abilities (7). This point is debatable, as it is never the best argument to suggest that data that contradicts a theory is an outlier. But Holiday makes a good point.

Throughout this book, Holiday pushes against common views and practices. I enjoy this type of book. I also enjoy authors who make extensive use of history! Of course, when using history, and especially when citing current leaders, examples can be challenged. Holiday offers an interesting discussion of General Sherman during the Civil War (17). Sherman was urged to seek political office as one of the most popular and successful war leaders. He declined. This story provides a good example of keeping ego in check. Of course, Sherman, like all leaders, had feet of clay. He was known as a womanizer during the Civil War, which suggests he did not always keep his ego in check!

Holiday also cites Bill Belichick, coach of the New England Patriots, as an example of someone who kept his ego in check (55). Again, at least in his early career, the example is compelling. But in later years, many people would claim that the coach is not the model of humility! Holiday also cites Angela Merkel as a good example. Of course, she has many admirable qualities. But she also has her critics. As someone who likes to cite examples from history, I recognize the complexities of giving specific examples, and I acknowledge that Holiday is not suggesting that these people are without faults.

Holiday offers a number of insights that are worth careful reflection. He suggests that there is a danger in talking too much and acting too little (27). He notes, "The only relationship between work and chatter is that one kills the other" (28).

Holiday quotes Frederick Douglas, who said, "A man is worked on by what he works on" (33). He also claims that the pretense of knowledge is our most dangerous vice (39). He cites Epictus, who claimed that "You can't learn if you think you already know" (41). He later quotes an old saying that claims that "When student is ready, the teacher appears" (43). I like Holiday's statement that "Opportunities are not usually deep, virgin pools that require courage and boldness to dive in to, but instead are obscured, dusted over, blocked by various forms of resistance" (46).

Holiday includes an interesting discussion on the Segway, which was supposed to be a huge new breakthrough (47). He demonstrates how we can be blind to reality. He notes that "Passion typically masks weakness" (48). He also states, "Clear a path for the people above you and you will eventually create a path for yourself" (53). Holiday strikes against those who portray great leaders as people who were driven by passion and refused to yield to others or listen to naysayers. I liked his discussion of Jackie Robinson and was encouraged to purchase a biography on him (59). I also liked the statement, "Say little, do much" (56). Holiday claims, "When you want to do something—something big and important and meaningful—you will be subjected to treatment ranging from indifference to outright sabotage. Count on it" (63).

Holiday offers plenty of sage advice in these pages. He includes a great section on "Get out of your own head" (68). He also claims that "We tend to think that ego equals confidence" (69). Clearly great leaders need confidence. But Holiday is careful to distinguish confidence from ego, which he castigates as a negative quality. I think this clarification is helpful.

Holiday quotes Bill Bradley as saying, "When you are not practicing, remember, someone somewhere is practicing, and when you meet him he will win" (82). He challenges the popular mantra, "Fake it till you make it" (83). He suggests, instead, "Make it so you don't have to fake it" (83).

Holiday uses Howard Hughes as an example of a talented person who was shipwrecked by ego (93). He asks, "Can you handle success? Or will it be the worst thing that ever happened to you?" (100).

Holiday includes an interesting study on Bill Walsh, who turned around the San Francisco Fortyniners (107). He suggests that great success does not always begin with a grand vision but with an attention to small details. Holiday also states, "We think 'yes' will let us accomplish more, when in reality it prevents exactly what we seek. All of us waste precious life doing things we don't like, to prove ourselves to people we don't respect, and to get things we don't want" (116).

Holiday also includes an interesting study of John DeLorean (178). He states, "He was a genius. Sadly, that's rarely enough" (178). I like Holiday's quote, "Yes—in the end, we all face becoming the adult supervision we originally rebelled against" (129). I also appreciated his quote of soccer coach Tony Adams, who urged, "Play for the name on the front of the jersey and they'll remember the name on the back" (137). I liked the quote from James Basford, who said, "It requires a strong constitution to withstand repeated attacks of prosperity" (148).

Holiday makes plenty of great statements. He notes, "These are just the facts of life. Who can afford to add denial to all that?" (152). He writes, "Just because you did something once, doesn't mean you'll be able to do it successfully forever" (153). Holiday also quotes Bill Walsh, who claimed, "Almost always, your road to victory goes through a place called 'failure'" (165). Additionally, he quotes Plutarch, who said, The future bears upon each one of us with all the hazard of the unknown" (168).

I liked his example of Diogenes, the impoverished philosopher, who, when Alexander the Great stood over him and asked what he could do for him, replied, "Stop blocking my sun" (179). A great story!

Finally, I appreciated the quote Holiday included from Benjamin Franklin, "Those who drink to the bottom of the cup must expect to meet with some dregs" (208).

I'm glad I read this book. The author's passion for his subject matter is evident, and he addresses an issue that is important for everyone, and especially for leaders. It is also a subject that is rarely discussed and certainly not given a full book-length treatment. I enjoyed Holiday's style and use of history. In fact, I loved his references to Seneca and realized I had never read anything by him. I forthwith ordered a book by him and am halfway through it already.

Reading this book will not only give you an edge in business. It will help you become more self-aware. And if you heed its teachings, it might save you enormous pain and regret as well. I recommend this book as it was recommended to me. Don't let an illustration or example put you off from the enormously valuable insight that ego is an enemy to us all and has brought down many great leaders in the past. Better to address ego now than to confront it in the midst of the shambles of a once-promising career.

• Book review: Shaping History Through Prayer and Fasting, by Derek Prince (by Richard Blackaby)
• Book review: An Unhurried Life, by Alan Fadling (by Richard Blackaby)
• Book review: Don’t Burn Out, Burn Bright: How to Thrive in Ministry for the Long Haul (by Richard Blackaby)
• Book review: Living Fearless, by Jamie Winship (by Richard Blackaby)

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Book Review: Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday

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• Title:  Ego is the Enemy
• Author:  Ryan Holiday
• About the author:  Ryan Holiday is a best-selling author of several books including  Ego is the Enemy, Trust Me, I’m Lying, The Obstacle is the Way, Stillness is the Key, and Lives of the Stoics . His books use figures and lessons from ancient philosophy to help readers in the modern everyday life. Before he was 20 he worked under the renowned author Robert Greene, who is most recognized for the book . He also worked the corporate life for American Apparel and founded the creative agency Brass Check. The 48 Laws of Power
• Pages:  256
• Published:  2016
• Link to book

HIGH-LEVEL SUMMARY

Ego is the Enemy  is influenced by stoic philosophy and the classical thinkers in history.

Ryan Holiday wrote this book to help his readers with recognizing, suppressing, and avoiding ego. This is a book he wishes he had during the critical points in his life.

According to Ryan, each of us is either aspiring, succeeding, or failing in any endeavor.

With that, the book is organized into three parts: Aspire, Success, Failure. The book draws on stories and examples from literature, philosophy, and history to help illustrate how ego has played out for others.

In some stories, you’ll learn how devastating ego can be. In other stories, you’ll read about those who conquered ego and how you can do the same.

Topics covered in the book include:

• Ego and this era of social media and self-promotion
• Becoming a student and remaining a student
• How passion can backfire on you
• What entitlement, control, and paranoia can do to you
• Why you shouldn’t tell yourself a story
• Succeeding after first failing hard
• Dangers of early pride
• Maintaining sobriety (and not from drugs and alcohol)

Ego can be blinding and prevents us from seeing things objectively. It will tell us what we want to hear. It will tell us we are great. However, the truth is eventually revealed and ego can cause one’s downfall if it isn’t managed. That won’t be you if you read this from cover to cover and implement what you learn.

RECOMMENDATION

I highly recommend  Ego is the Enemy . The book is just over 250 pages, so it isn’t too big of a task to read through it. The benefits you take from the book will last a lifetime. Everyone will have aspirations, find success, and also fail many times. Ryan Holiday teaches you how to deal with these situations.

Instead of solely learning from your own mistakes, you can read the stories shared in the book and learn from the mistakes of others. Ego may or may not be a problem for you at the moment. If you currently feel that your ego is negligible, this book will help keep it that way. If you have an ego problem, this book will help humble you.

If you like this post, you’ll enjoy these as well:

• Book Review: The Little Book of Stoicism by Jonas Salzgeber
• Fixed Mindset vs Growth Mindset
• Internal Locus of Control (and Why It’s Important to Success)
• The Single Best Way to Improve Yourself and Grow in Your Career
• What is Emotional Intelligence and Its Importance for Success

TOP 25 TAKEAWAYS

• In no particular order

1.  Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, your worst enemy already lives inside you: your ego.

2.  Just one thing keeps ego around—comfort. Pursuing great work—whether it is in sports or art or business—is often terrifying. Ego soothes that fear. Ego tells us what we want to hear, when we want to hear it.

3.  At any given time in life, people find themselves at one of three stages: aspiring, success, failure. We’re aspiring to something. We have achieved success. Or we have failed—recently or continually.

4.  If your belief in yourself is not dependent on actual achievement, then what is it dependent on? The answer, too often when we are just setting out, is nothing. Ego.

5.  Our cultural values almost try to make us dependent on validation, entitled, and ruled by our emotions. Parents and teachers raised us focusing on building our self-esteem. Now more than ever, our culture fans the flames of ego. It’s never been easier to talk, to puff ourselves. Examples: LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook.

6.  The ability to evaluate one’s own ability may be the most important skill of all. Without it, improvement is impossible. And certainly, ego makes it difficult every step of the way.

7.  It’s a temptation that exists for everyone—for talk and hype to replace action. In actuality, silence is strength—particularly early on in any journey. Make moves in silence and let your actions and results talk.

8.  Research shows that while goal visualization is important, after a certain point our mind begins to confuse it with actual progress. The same goes for verbalization. Don’t confuse fantasizing and talking yourself up with actual progress. See yourself objectively.

9.  Become a student and remain a student. The pretense of knowledge is our most dangerous vice, because it prevents us from getting any better. Studious self-assessment is the antidote. The art of taking feedback is such a crucial skill in life, particularly harsh and critical feedback.

10.  Don’t be passionate. Passion typically masks a weakness. Its breathlessness and impetuousness and franticness are poor substitutes for discipline, for mastery, for strength and purpose and perseverance. Passion is form over function. Purpose is function, function, function.

11.  Follow the canvas strategy, which is about helping yourself by helping others. We are too entitled nowadays and aren’t willing to work under others temporarily. We want to start at the top. Clear the path for the people above you and you will eventually create a path for yourself. Greatness comes from humble beginnings; it comes from grunt work. It means you’re the least important person in the room—until you change that with results.

12.  Restrain yourself. Our own path, whatever we aspire to, will in some ways be defined by the amount of nonsense we are willing to deal with. For tough times, take it. Eat it until you’re sick. Endure it. Quietly brush it off and work harder. Play the game.

13.  Beware of early pride. Pride blunts the very instrument we need to own in order to succeed: our mind. Our ability to learn, to adapt, to be flexible, to build relationships, all of this is dulled by pride. Receive feedback, maintain hunger, and chart a proper course in life.

14.  Put in the work. Every time you sit down to work, remind yourself: I am delaying gratification by doing this. I am passing the marshmallow test. I am earning what my ambition burns for. I am making an investment in myself instead of in my ego.

15.  Don’t tell yourself a story. Narrative is when you look back at an improbable or unlikely path to your success and say: I knew it all along. Instead of: I hoped. I worked. I got some good breaks. Or even: I thought this could happen. Writing our own narrative leads to arrogance.

16.  Beware of the disease of me. This is when we begin to think that we’re better, that we’re special, that our problems and experiences are so incredibly different from everyone else’s that no one could possibly understand. Ego needs honors in order to be validated. Confidence, on the other hand, is able to wait and focus on the task at hand regardless of external recognition.

17.  Meditate on the immensity. Find harmony and connection to the cosmos. Give yourself moments to reflect. Many great leaders and thinkers go out into the wilderness and come back with inspiration. Silence the noise around you to finally hear the quiet voice you need to listen to.

18.  Maintain your sobriety. As you rise, maintain equilibrium and clear-headedness. Sobriety is the counterweight that must balance out success. Especially if things keep getting better and better.

19.  Alive time or dead time? According to Robert Greene, there are two types of time in our lives: dead time, when people are passive and waiting, and alive time, when people are learning and acting and utilizing every second. Make your time alive time.

20.  “Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.”

21.  Failing before you can succeed. The only way you can appreciate your progress is to stand on the edge of the hole you dug for yourself, look down inside it, and smile fondly at the bloody claw prints that marked your journey up the walls.

22.  When we lose, we have a choice: Are we going to make this a lose-lose situation for ourselves and everyone involved? Or will it be a lose… and then win?

23.  Always love. The paradox of hate and bitterness is that it accomplishes almost exactly the opposite of what we hope it does. The question we must ask ourselves is: Are we going to be miserable just because other people are?

24.  Keeping our ego in check is like sweeping the floor of your home. Just because you have done it once, doesn’t mean the floor is clean forever. Every day the dust comes back. Every day we must sweep.

25.  Any fool can learn from experience. The trick is to learn from other people’s experiences.

WHAT I LIKED

Use of historical figures and stories to demonstrate points

To help demonstrate the points the author wanted to prove, he used stories of historical figures and leaders. This includes Seneca, Howard Hughes, Elanor Roosevelt, Ben Franklin, Jackie Robinson, Genghis Khan, and more.

These stories were entertaining but also demonstrated how ego, or lack of ego, impacted the lives of these figures. The book mentions a quote from Bismarck saying that any fool can learn from experience. The trick is to learn from other people’s experiences.

Through the stories of historical and pop-cultural figures, Ryan Holiday is enabling you to learn from other people’s experiences.

Covered the phases of aspiration, success, and failure

I liked the way the book was structured. By separating the three parts for aspiration, success, and failure, I feel like the book covered all aspects of ego. Ego isn’t just prevalent once you are successful. It can rear its head during your aspirational phase and during your failures.

Ego is the Enemy  gives you advice to tackle ego whenever it shows during any of the three phases.

BENEFITS TO YOUR LIFE AND CAREER

Find success, peace, and contentment

By avoiding the pitfalls of ego, you will have a higher chance of finding success and maintaining that success. Humility will bring satisfaction and peace into your life.

You won’t be worrying about what everyone else has that you don’t. You won’t care what others think of you. This will take you far in life and your career.

Remain levelheaded as you succeed

Ego is the Enemy  has an entire section of the book dedicated to “success.” You’ll learn what to do and what to avoid as you climb the ladder and start having success. Many get a taste and let it go to their heads, which leads to their downfall.

You’ll learn how to stay levelheaded so you aren’t derailed.

Rise up by helping others rise up

The canvas strategy chapter will open your eyes up to the benefits of being an apprentice or junior to someone else. You can help the person above you shine and achieve, which can result in you rising up with them.

An example relevant to you is your boss in the workplace. With your boss as a mentor, you can learn from him and her. If you help your boss look good, they will get promoted. If you are a large part of why they look good, your boss will promote you as well so you can continue to output good work.

Never believe you are too good for this.

Lifelong learning

The ego tells us that we know it all. That we’ve arrived. This thinking will lead to a plateau in our progress and we will remain stagnant.

Ryan Holiday expresses why it is important to remain a student and become a lifelong learner. Without an ego, you’ll understand that you can learn so much more. By showing a willingness to learn, you’ll continue to obtain knowledge and develop skills that will propel you higher.

10 ACTIONS YOU SHOULD TAKE

1.  Be real with yourself and accept that ego is there. Then subject it to scrutiny and criticism. Self-examine yourself.

2.  Catch yourself when you’re seeking the need for validation. It may be from a parent, a boss, or followers on social media.

3.  Be humble in your aspirations, gracious in your successes and resilient in your failures.

4.  Practice and develop the skill of evaluating your own ability.

5.  Realize when you are visualizing and verbalizing too much. At a certain point, it becomes detrimental and you need to take action.

6.  In your career, help make your bosses look good and success will find its way to you. Help raise the tide and all ships will rise.

7.  Practice restraining yourself during tough times. Realize tough times are temporary and they are making you stronger and more resilient.

8.  Take time to venture off into the wilderness to meditate and reflect. Go on a hike, to the beach, or wherever you can be alone, clear your mind, and feel connected with nature.

9.  Failure will surely happen. Use it as a lesson. Learn from it. Don’t waste time sulking or mourning. Make the time “alive time” rather than “dead time.”

10.  Always remain a student. Never believe you know it all.

Ego is the Enemy  can be found on Amazon at  this link here  if you are interested in reading.

About Post Author

Brandon Hill

I’m Brandon Hill with Bizness Professionals. We serve content to help young professionals develop personally, professionally, and financially. Well-rounded improvement is a theme we live by. As such, this website will cover a variety of topics aimed to help you have a successful life and career.

See author's posts

I'm Brandon Hill with Bizness Professionals. We serve content to help young professionals develop personally, professionally, and financially. Well-rounded improvement is a theme we live by. As such, this website will cover a variety of topics aimed to help you have a successful life and career.

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Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday: Book Summary, Key Lessons and Best Quotes

“Ego is the enemy of what you want and of what you have: Of mastering a craft. Of real creative insight. Of working well with others. Of building loyalty and support. Of longevity. Of repeating and retaining your success. It repulses advantages and opportunities. It’s a magnet for enemies and errors. It is Scylla and Charybdis.” Ryan Holiday

The book Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday is filled with cautionary tales of those who let their egos run amok and were eventually undone by the resulting damage, as well as stories of those who practiced restraint and sobriety , and found success in their endeavors. This book can be an antidote (or at least the beginning of one) to the unraveling that is possible when one indulges ego and loses sight of reality—if you let it: “Not in the Freudian sense,” Holiday says of ego, but ego in the colloquial sense, as in “an unhealthy belief in your own importance. Arrogance. Self-centered ambition.”

Ego Is the Enemy , published in 2016, is Ryan Holiday’s fourth book . It was a Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Chicago Tribune, international bestseller, and even has a following among the Seattle Seahawks, Olympic gold medalists, bestselling authors, CEOs, politicians, and many others.

This is the second book in which he draws from the principles of Stoicism ; while his previous book, The Obstacle Is the Way , focused on overcoming life’s external obstacles. Holiday’s background is as a media strategist. Ryan dropped out of college at the age of nineteen to apprentice under Robert Greene, author of The 48 Laws of Power . Within six years, he became the youngest executive at a Beverly Hills talent management agency, advised authors who sold millions of copies of their books, became the director of marketing at American Apparel, built a successful company, Brass Check, and has written for publications ranging from Forbes to Thought Catalog to The Guardian. Then, in 2014, Holiday witnessed firsthand the effects of ego as American Apparel, the talent agency, and a relationship with a mentor all simultaneously unraveled:

“These were the people I had shaped my life around. The people I looked up to and trained under. Their stability—financially, emotionally, psychologically—was not just something I took for granted, it was central to my existence and self-worth. And yet, there they were, imploding right in front of me, one after another.”

In this way the author’s own experiences directed the book he was already contracted to write, and Ego Is the Enemy became: “…the book I [Holiday] wish existed at critical turning points in my own life.”

The book is structured as short essays split into three parts: Aspire, Success, and Failure.  These being three phases that one invariably finds themselves in at any given moment, often alternating between them over the course of a life. As the book says, “Aspiration leads to success (and adversity). Success creates its own adversity (and, hopefully, new ambitions). And adversity leads to aspiration and more success. It’s an endless loop.”

In addition to these three phases, there are a few major themes running through each part of the book, as well as how people can successfully conquer their ego in each phase.

Three Key Themes From Ego Is The Enemy

1. live with purpose not passion.

Having purpose will help you accomplish life changing work. Holiday says the first thing you need to do is ask yourself, “why do I do what I do?” If you don’t have an answer to this question, you should take some time to figure it out .

Most people aren’t living on purpose. They wander around life distracted, looking for the next form of gratification, wondering why they aren’t happy and why they don’t get what they want. They drive to a job they hate to pay for a car that brings them to that job, which also pays for a house they abandon during the day to go to that job. The ego loves the comfort a “secure” job has, but purpose, as well as the best things, happen outside of your comfort zone.

On the other hand, many harmonious and effective people have found that answering the following questions helped them live with purpose: Why do I do what I do? Who am I? What purpose am I serving?

Once one chooses to pursue the critical work over ego , how does one determine what that work is? Bill Walsh , the coach who took the 49ers from being the worst team in the NFL to the Super Bowl, is a great example of someone picking the critical work. He did not focus on some vague notion of “winning.” He knew that focusing on the basics and perfecting those would lead to success. He could change what the team was doing and how effectively they were working, but he could not put on a definitive timeline when the next win would happen. He was attached to effort (the part that could be controlled) not outcomes (which were out of his control) . His standards were simple and ground level changes rather than fantastic visions, but by implementing them, as the saying goes, “the score takes care of itself.” Hall of Fame college basketball coach John Wooden also had a similar perspective as he led his team to winning ten basketball championships in twelve years. These coaches had clarity, discipline & patience in their ascent to mastery. They knew their purpose and their work brought them joy.

The Greeks used the word Euthymia for this which is a sense of our own path and how we can stay on it without getting distracted. Prioritize your goals with clarity and then follow through. True confidence comes from putting in the time; it comes from discipline and mastery. One important point to note is that critical work is not helped by passion . It requires deliberation, not blind emotion, otherwise it is subject to the delusions of ego. Divorced from reality, an endeavor cannot succeed. People who are passionate will tell you all the things they are going to do, but they can never show you any progress, because there usually isn’t any. They talk a lot, but get little done. People who are driven by purpose don’t need to talk about their work because you will see the results. It’s okay to be passionate, but be passionate with discipline. Execute with excellence. Remain humble ; know that you always have more to learn:

“The critical work that you want to do will require your deliberation and consideration. Leave passion for the amateurs. Make it about what you feel you must do and say, not what you care about and wish to be.”

Get to know your ego, but once you make the choice to manage your ego and pursue your purpose, be prepared for when people try to sabotage you. An illustration the book uses is of Jackie Robinson, who showed incredible restraint in the face of adversity. As the first African American to play Major League Baseball, fans, coaches and other players were openly racist to him as he was on the field and batting. If Robinson would have reacted to these injustices with his ego, he would not have had the impact he is still having today; he was driven by a higher purpose .

Our adversities likely pale in comparison to Jackie Robinson’s, but the only thing we can be  sure of when we are embarking on an endeavor is that there will be adversity and we will very  likely be treated poorly. In these situations, there are two things to remember: 1) It degrades  others, not you, when they treat you poorly and unfairly , and 2) Choose alive time over dead  time.

The second point requires further elaboration. Malcolm X went to jail for years. While there, he read voraciously , and left a much more educated man than when he had entered. He couldn’t do much about his circumstances, but he did choose what to do while he was in those circumstances . Many people go to prison, but some take the time to learn from their mistakes and change their lives when they leave, and others end up back in prison not long after.

Alive time is time when you are actively using your time usefully and improving; dead time is  time you spend passive. We may not always be able to choose our circumstances, but we can always choose whether we want to make our time alive time or dead time. Viktor Frankl was able to refine his theories of meaning and suffering from Nazi concentration camps. Francis Scott Key wrote what would become the national anthem of the United States while a prisoner of war. The question the book leaves hanging:

“…this moment is not your life. But it is a moment in your life. How will you use it?”

   2.  Always Be a Student

The greatest leaders and wisest thinkers have all been students of life. They possessed a unique curiosity about life and had the discipline to constantly be learning. Many people get overly confident in one area and forget that they know so little about everything else. The ego tries to build an identification with success, withholding you from learning more, but learning is a requirement, especially in the beginning. The book explains that when you are just starting out you need to remember: You aren’t as good as you think you are, you probably need your attitude readjusted, and the things you learned in books or school are out of date or wrong.

Many factors will determine the success you will reach as you’re starting out, one of them being your willingness to listen to feedback, especially critical feedback . The book discusses an amateur as being defensive to critical feedback, but a professional as delighted in being challenged to learn more. It illustrates the idea of a real professional with Kirk Hammett, lead guitarists of the heavy metal band Metallica. After Metallica recruited him he quickly found a teacher so that he could become even better. Metallica went on to become one of the most successful bands in the world, and throughout all this success, Kirk remained humble and continued learning. According to the book, If you’re not still learning, you’re already dying.”

Hammett demonstrated the qualities of a true student:

“A true student is like a sponge. Absorbing what goes on around him, filtering it, latching on to what he can hold. A student is self-critical and self-motivated, always trying to improve his understanding so that he can move on to the next topic, the next challenge. A real student is also his own teacher and his own critic. There is no room for ego there.”

To become the best you can be, and to maintain that greatness you need to have a student mindset. You need to always be learning. Everything in life has something to teach you , but ego gets in the way of opportunities you have had or will have. The ego tells you that you shouldn’t do an internship because you are overqualified for it. The ego doesn’t want to do the grunt work because it thinks it’s too good for that. People living with purpose look past this, and they focus on what is important, believing in what they need to do. Appreciate the opportunity. Take the internship. Put in the time and effort, and learn. Think long-term, this investment will pay dividends in the future, the book explains:

“Humility is what keeps us there, concerned we don’t know enough and that we must continue to study. Ego rushes to the end, rationalizes that patience is for losers (wrongly seeing it as a weakness), and assumes we’re good enough to give our talents a go in the world.”

Humility can be gained by thinking about that bigger picture of life . Think about the vastness of the universe, multiple galaxies around us, and think about how small you are. Know that you are also connected to this vast universe, and your purpose is more likely to emerge. Looking into the sky at night can help with this, as well as thinking about all the people and events that came before you and all that is to come after. Purpose seems to easily flow within those who take time to focus on the bigger picture.

The stoics used the word sympatheia for this state of mind, which means “a connectedness with the cosmos.” This connection makes you ask yourself: Who am I? What am I doing and why? The book elaborates on how material success can take you away from this perspective. Don’t let your ego convince you the world revolves around you. Intentionally seek out the cosmos and your purpose will be revealed to you over time, which is also a part of the stoic view : “Purpose deemphasizes the I. Purpose is about pursuing something outside yourself as opposed to pleasuring yourself.”

Find and follow your purpose, and then do the work. The book explains that you should make it so you don’t have to fake it: “Can you imagine a doctor trying to get by with anything less? Or a quarterback? So why would you try otherwise?”

Be a lifelong student even after— especially after, your major accomplishments. Eliminate what isn’t necessary. Stay open-minded. Set goals and live on purpose.

   3. Talk & think less; do more

When you begin to live with purpose instead of passion your ego will begin to lessen, and you will gain the quiet confidence the philosopher Seneca referred to as Euthymia : having a sense of your own path and not getting distracted by externals. As you talk less and act more you will begin to gain this tranquility when working, helping you maintain your purposeful work:

“You know that all things require work and that work might be quite difficult. But do you really understand? Do you have any idea just how much work there is going to be? Not work until you get your big break, not work until you make a name for yourself, but work, work, work, forever and ever.”

Talking is easy, everyone does it, but silence is rare in today’s world. Your ego tells you that you need recognition from others, but real confidence doesn’t need to talk, it produces work . Talking destroys action. Sit quietly and work. Let go of the distractions of social media and of the news, and focus on your work. Watch how much better you get:

“They work quietly in the corner. They turn their inner turmoil into product—and eventually into stillness. They ignore the impulse to seek recognition before they act. They don’t talk too much. And they don’t mind the feeling that others, out there in public are enjoying the limelight, are somewhat getting the better end of the deal (They are not).”

Talking and thinking too much drain the energy you could be using to put into your work. At times we definitely need to be thinking, such as when envisioning goals, but if you spend too much time thinking and talking about what you are going to do, you are less likely to actually do it. Where are the results? Stay focused on execution. Think when you need to and then get to work. People who live with purpose understand they aren’t working to retire and live on their couch. They are working for something beyond themselves, and this guides them confidently throughout their lives:

“When facing a new task, do you seek to talk about it or do you face the struggle head on?”

Thinking too much can also lead you into living with a psychological term marked as “imaginary audience,” which is explained in the book. Many adolescents go through this and many adults hold on to it. It’s the idea that people are watching and thinking about you when they are not. It’s the teenager who misses a week of class because they are so embarrassed of spilling juice on their pants and think that everyone in the school is talking about it. They are not. This is the imaginary audience. People don’t think about you as much as you think they do, which is a relief. Most people are so consumed in their own lives, so take time to rationalize your thoughts and get back to work. The ego loves the imaginary audience and thrives on it, so remember the bigger picture, let go of your wandering thoughts and bring yourself into the present moment:

“Living clearly and present takes courage. Don’t live in the haze of the abstract, live with the tangible and real, even if—especially if—it’s uncomfortable. Be part of what’s going on around you. Feast on it, adjust for it.”

In short, the book says we must manage our ego or see it get the best of us. Think of coach Bill Walsh who focused on perfecting the basics, taking the worst team in the NFL to winning the Super Bowl. Be an eternal student, like Metallica’s Kirk Hammett, absorbing everything around you like a sponge, knowing that there is always more to learn. As well as living with purpose and remaining a student, focus on doing the work instead of seeking recognition, letting your confidence show with results.

Practicing stoicism can escalate your implementation of the lessons within each theme. Now go out and accomplish the life changing work you are meant to do.

10 Best Quotes from Ego Is The Enemy

“Greatness comes from humble beginnings; it comes from grunt work. It means you’re the least important person in the room—until you change that with results.”

“You can lie to yourself, saying that you put in the time, or pretend that you’re working, but  eventually someone will show up. You’ll be tested. And quite possibly, found out.”

“In this course, it is not ‘Who do I want to be in life’ But ‘What is it that I want to accomplish in life?’ Setting aside selfish interest, it asks: What calling does it serve? What principles govern my choices? Do I want to be like everyone else or do I want to do something different?”

“And what is most obvious but most ignored is that perfecting the personal regularly leads to success as a professional, but rarely the other way around.”

“Most trouble is temporary…unless you make that not so.”

“Work is finding yourself alone at the track when the weather kept everyone else indoors. It’s pushing through the pain and crappy first drafts and prototypes. It is ignoring whatever plaudits others are getting, and more importantly, ignoring whatever plaudits you may be getting. Because there is work to be done. Work doesn’t want to be good. It is made so, despite the headwind.”

“Most successful people are people you’ve never heard of. They want it that way. It keeps them sober. It helps them do their jobs.”

“Remind yourself how pointless it is to rage and fight and try to one-up those around you. Go and put yourself in touch with the infinite, and end your conscious separation from the world. Reconcile yourself a bit better with the realities of life. Realize how much came before you, and how only wisps of it remain.”

“What is rare is not raw talent, skill, or even confidence, but humility, diligence, and self-awareness.”

“Your ego screams for people to acknowledge you. But you must do nothing. Take it. Eat it until you’re sick. Endure it. Quietly brush it off and work harder. Play the game. Ignore the noise; for the love of God, do not let it distract you.”

Where To Buy Ego Is The Enemy

You can pick up Ego Is The Enemy on Amazon or in any bookstore. If you’d prefer to listen to the book, here is the audio version .

Ego Is The Enemy Medallion From Daily Stoic

Carry this medallion with you for a daily reminder on the lessons of the ego:

Ego Is The Enemy Testimonials

“Ryan Holiday is one of his generation’s finest thinkers, and this book is his best yet.”— Steven Pressfield, author of the  New York Times bestseller The War of Art

“This is a book I want every athlete, aspiring leader, entrepreneur, thinker and doer to read. Ryan Holiday is one of the most promising young writers of his generation.” — George Raveling , Hall of Fame Basketball coach, Nike’s Director of International Basketball

“I don’t have many rules in life, but one I never break is: If Ryan Holiday writes a book, I read it as soon as I can get my hands on it.” — Brian Koppelman , screenwriter and director, Rounders, Ocean’s Thirteen and Billions

“In his new book Ryan Holiday attacks the greatest obstacle to mastery and true success in life—our insatiable ego. In an inspiring yet practical way, he teaches us how to manage and tame this beast within us so that we can focus on what really matters—producing the best work possible.”— Robert Greene, author of  The 48 Laws of Power and Mastery  

“I would like to rip out every page and use them as wallpaper so I could be reminded constantly of the humility and work it takes to truly succeed. In the margins of my copy, I have scrawled the same message over and over—’pre-Gold.’ Reading this inspiring book brought back me back to the humility and work ethic it took to win the Olympics.” — Chandra Crawford, Olympic Gold Medalist

“What a valuable book for those in positions of authority! It has made me a better judge.”— The Honorable Frederic Block, United States District Judge and author of Disrobed

“Removing the ego is a daily struggle but it feels a little easier after reading this.”— Martellus Bennett, NFL Tight End, Super Bowl Champion

Ego Is The Enemy Talks By Ryan Holiday

You can watch Ryan talk about Ego Is The Enemy at Google

Ryan gives a talk at LinkedIn on his book

Ryan discusses Ego Is The Enemy with Gerard Adams in the episode: Leaders Create Leaders

Ego Is The Enemy Animation

Key Lessons and Takeaways From ‘Ego Is The Enemy’ by Ryan Holiday

• 2021-12-24 09:39:22
• 20 minute(s)

The book Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday is filled with cautionary tales of those who let their egos run amok and were eventually undone by the resulting damage, as well as stories of those who practiced restraint and sobriety, and found success in their endeavors. In this WSJ bestseller book, Ryan Holiday gives advice on how people can combat their ego to achieve more in life. Here are keys lessons and takeaways from Ego Is The Enemy by Ryan Holiday.

When you remove ego, you’re left with humility and confidence.

To do that, you must practice seeing yourself with a little distance, cultivating the ability to get out of your own head, and learning how to see beneath an appearance. When you’re just starting out, attach yourself to successful people and organizations and subsume your identity into theirs and move both forward simultaneously. When you’re successful, you must stay humble, keep learning, and focus on your work and practice. When you fail, embrace it with appreciation and move on to start over again.

All of us, at every stage of life, are the victims of our own ego.

Our ego leads us to strive too far, expect too much, assume that we’re deserving — all before we’ve even done the work. If we achieve success our ego makes us do things that lead us to failure, if we fail our ego crushes our attempts to get up and try again. The aim of ‘Ego is The Enemy’ is simple: to help you suppress ego early before bad habits take hold, to replace the temptations of ego with humility and discipline, when we experience success, and cultivate strength when you go through failure.

Yes. Your ego is holding you back from realizing your full potential in life.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, your worst enemy already lives insides you: your ego. Precisely what makes us so promising as thinkers, doers, creative people, and entrepreneurs, what drives us to the top of those fields, makes us vulnerable to this darker side of the psyche. If ego is the voice that tells us we’re better than we really are, we can say ego inhibits true success by preventing a direct and honest connection to the world around us.

Putting reigns on your ego helps you in both good and bad times, because you’ll neither stress about failures, nor let success turn you into a diva.

Whether you are just setting out, sitting at the pinnacle of success, or reeling from a precipitous fall, you must subdue your ego if you wish to capitalize on your opportunities and gifts. In this ‘Ego is the Enemy’ book review, I’ll outline insights by Ryan Holiday on how we can master our ego to achieve what truly matters to us. Let’s find out!

Lesson #1: Live with Purpose Not Passion

Lesson #2: always be a student, lesson #3: talk less; do more, lesson #4: exploit your downtime, lesson #5: always love.

If your purpose is something larger than you — to accomplish something, to prove something to yourself — then suddenly everything becomes both easier and more difficult. Easier in the sense that you know now what it is you need to do and what is important to you. Harder because each opportunity — no matter how gratifying or rewarding—must be evaluated along strict guidelines.

It is not “Who do I want to be in life?” but “What is it that I want to accomplish in life?”

You can’t learn if you think you already know. Ego gives us wicked feedback, disconnected from reality. It blocks us from improving by telling us that we don’t need to improve. What we need is purpose — passion with boundaries. Purpose is about pursuing something outside yourself as opposed to pleasuring yourself. Your passion may be the very thing holding you back from power or influence or accomplishment. Because just as often, we fail because of passion. Passion typically masks a weakness. Its breathlessness and impetuousness and franticness are poor substitutes for discipline, for mastery, for strength and purpose and perseverance. You need to be able to spot this in others and in yourself, because while the origins of passion may be earnest and good, its effects are comical and then monstrous.

Ryan Holiday argues that we must challenge the idea of passion and instead focus on purpose. Purpose removes the ego from our aspirations, as it focuses on something bigger than ourselves.

Ryan Holiday uses the example of John Wood, basketball coach for the all-time leading scorer in NBA history: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar described his highly successful coach as actively dispassionate. This characteristic is opposed to the frequently revered stereotype of coaches being overly passionate individuals. Instead, John Wood argued that passion and emotions get in the way of the job at hand. We must simply do our job to the best of our ability and not be a slave to passion. Passion distracts us from all the work that needs to be done to acquire the successes associated with passionate, inspirational ideas or speeches.

Ryan Holiday has said

Leave passion for the amateurs. Make it about what you feel you must do and say, not what you care about and wish to be. — Ryan Holiday Click To Tweet

A lot of people don’t put a lot of sense in their actions.

They’re living on autopilot and they are used to doing things only because they are commonly accepted by society. They buy new gadgets to show off in front of their friends and boost their ego. They will watch a TV show just because someone else mentioned it in a conversation. If your answer to: “ Why do you do what you do ,” is “ to keep up with the Joneses ,” then stop what you’re doing. Learn to say No to things more often. Opt-out from the stupid race for more that doesn’t matter. Don’t read, watch, do, or buy stuff only because other people are buying them. Do them only if you really want or need them.

Find out why you’re doing the things you’re doing daily. Ignore everyone and everything that is messing with your pace.

Most people aren’t living on purpose. They wander around life distracted, looking for the next form of gratification, wondering why they aren’t happy and why they don’t get what they want. They drive to a job they hate to pay for a car that brings them to that job, which also pays for a house they abandon during the day to go to that job. The ego loves the comfort a “ secure ” job has, but purpose, as well as the best things, happen outside of your comfort zone. On the other hand, many harmonious and effective people have found that answering the following questions helped them live with purpose: Why do I do what I do? Who am I? What purpose am I serving?

📚 Additional reading

• Simon Sinek – Leadership Lessons In The Spotlight
• Four Steps to Discovering Your Life’s Calling
• Are You Listening to Your Life? (Oprah.com)

The greatest leaders and wisest thinkers have all been students of life. They possessed a unique curiosity about life and had the discipline to constantly be learning. Many people get overly confident in one area and forget that they know so little about everything else. The ego tries to build an identification with success, withholding you from learning more, but learning is a requirement, especially in the beginning. When you are just starting out you need to remember: You aren’t as good as you think you are, you probably need your attitude readjusted, and the things you learned in books or school are out of date or wrong.

To become the best you can be, and to maintain that greatness you need to have a student mindset.

You need to always be learning. Everything in life has something to teach you, but ego gets in the way of opportunities you have had or will have. The ego tells you that you shouldn’t do an internship because you are overqualified for it. The ego doesn’t want to do the grunt work because it thinks it’s too good for that. People living with purpose look past this, and they focus on what is important, believing in what they need to do. Appreciate the opportunity. Take the internship. Put in the time and effort, and learn.

No matter what you’ve done up to this point, you better still be a student. If you’re not still learning, you’re already dying.

It is not enough only to be a student at the beginning. It is a position that one has to assume for life. An amateur is defensive. The professional finds learning to be enjoyable. They like being challenged and humbled, and engage in education as an ongoing and endless process. Crafting stories out of past events is dangerous and untrue. Writing our own narrative leads to arrogance. These narratives don’t change the past, but they do have the power to negatively impact our future. Instead of pretending that we are living some great story, we must remain focused on the execution — and on executing with excellence.

Greatness comes from humble beginnings; it comes from grunt work. It means you’re the least important person in the room—until you change that with results. — Ryan Holiday Click To Tweet

The higher we rise, the more we see and realize how much we don’t know.

Yet, ego pushes us to pretend to know, or to confine ourselves to a niche where we won’t be challenged. Genghis Khan was one of the greatest conquerors and military minds in history because he was a lifelong student. With each culture he conquered, he broadened his knowledge of warfare and learned ideas and technologies from smart people like astrologers, doctors, and scribes. Learn from everyone and everything. Read up on a totally new subject, learn from both your friends and foes, and sharpen how you learn. No matter how much you’ve achieved, stay anchored in your purpose, values and principles, and remain humble and disciplined.

A student must be able to take harsh and critical feedback to learn where they can improve.

The ego, however, avoids such feedback at all costs. This stops us from improving by convincing us that we don’t need to improve. Then, when we don’t get the results we were expecting, we wonder what happened. Today, books are available in stores and online. Ivy league college courses can be found online. Smartphones give us 24/7 access to the internet. There is more information than ever before. One must remain a student throughout their lives to achieve true success. Through this process of always seeking out opportunities to be a student, you are challenging the idea you are all-knowing in any domain. This will help you learn more and ground yourself in your current understanding and the actions required to reach the next goal.

• How To Learn With The 70:20:10 model In a Nutshell
• 4 Reasons You Should Never Stop Learning (Inc.com)
• Why Successful People Always Stay A Student

When you begin to live with purpose instead of passion your ego will begin to lessen, and you will gain the quiet confidence the philosopher Seneca referred to as Euthymia: having a sense of your own path and not getting distracted by externals. As you talk less and act more you will begin to gain this tranquility when working, helping you maintain your purposeful work.

Big talk is no substitute for action and only hinders results. You can’t chatter and think deeply at the same time.

Talking exhausts valuable time and energy which could’ve been better spent on brainstorming, planning, learning, or problem-solving. People also use talk to escape from the difficult tasks at hand — they spend so much time talking about something that they think they’ve done the work or put in their best effort when they haven’t done anything of value. Social media only encourages us to “ talk ” more. It’s easier to post and tweet about how well we’re doing rather than actually do the work. We end up looking great but not getting any real results.

Ryan Holiday recommends you stop talking and start doing. You need to stop telling people that you are going to do something good.

Those who are successful throughout history are those who delay gratification. These individuals receive gratification when they have done something right. Before starting a task, you should always ask yourself: Am I doing this to be somebody or do something? If you are only doing something to be somebody, then you are merely feeding your ego. You are behaving in a way that will provide you with affirmation. The alternative is to want to do something for the action itself. More often than not, this type of action will be making a difference in the world.

The only relationship between work and chatter/talk is that one kills the other. — Ryan Holiday Click To Tweet

It’s easier to talk about things than to actually do them. Talking depletes us.

Talking and doing fight for the same resources. Research shows that while goal visualization is important, but after a certain point our mind begins to confuse it will actual progress. The same goes for verbalization — talking aloud to ourselves or others while we work through difficult problems has been shown to significantly decrease insight and breakthroughs. After spending so much time thinking / explaining / talking about a task, we start to feel that we’ve gotten closer to achieving it. Or worse, when things get tough, we feel we can toss the whole project aside because we’ve given it our best try, although of course we haven’t.

The achievers are the ones working quietly in the corner.

They ignore the impulse to seek recognition before they act. They don’t talk much. They’re too busy working to do anything else – and when they do talk, they’ve earned it. Let others slap each other on the back while you’re at the lab or in the gym or pounding the keyboard. Talking and thinking too much drain the energy you could be using to put into your work. At times we definitely need to be thinking, such as when envisioning goals, but if you spend too much time thinking and talking about what you are going to do, you are less likely to actually do it. Where are the results? Stay focused on execution. Think when you need to and then get to work.

• How Great Leaders Take Action To Stand Out From The Crowd
• The Key to Success is Massive Action
• How to Change Your Mindset to Take Massive Action for Success

At any given time in the circle of life, we may be aspiring, succeeding, or failing—though right now we’re failing. With wisdom, we understand that these positions are transitory, not statements about your value as a human being. When success begins to slip from your fingers for whatever reason, the response isn’t to grip and claw so hard that you shatter it to pieces. It’s to understand that you must work yourself back to the aspirational phase. You must get back to first principles and best practices.

Failure always arrives uninvited, but through our ego, far too many of us allow it to stick around.

What matters is that we can respond to what life throws at us. And how we make it through. The less attached we are to outcomes the better. When fulfilling our own standards is what fills us with pride and self-respect. When the effort — not the results, good or bad — is enough. Do your work. Do it well. Then “ let go and let God .” Recognition and rewards — those are extra. The world is to what we want . If we persist in wanting, we are simply setting ourselves up for resentment or worse. Doing the work is enough. Hitting bottom is as brutal as it sounds. But the feeling after — it is one of the most powerful perspectives in the world.

Failure can disrupt our lives and bring things to a standstill. You can use your downtime to wallow in self-pity or to improve yourself.

After landing in prison at 21 years old, Malcolm X decided to use this time to self-study. His time in prison ended up paving the foundation for his future success. When Ian Fleming was put on bed rest, doctors forbade him to even use a typewriter. So, Fleming started writing with a pen and produced his well-loved fantasy Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang. When you’re hit with failure, don’t dwell on the problems, hide from them, or plot revenge. Reflect on how your choices have led to where you are, and use what you have to turn things around.

Doing great work is a struggle. It’s draining, it’s demoralizing, it’s firefighting – not always, but it can feel that way when we’re deep in the middle of it. — Ryan Holiday Click To Tweet

During failure, you must choose ‘ alive time ’ by dedicating every second to improving your skills and using your surroundings to create a better situation.

Ego prevents you from overcoming difficulty because it focuses on the negative side of difficulties. It also discourages you and provides sensible excuses that prevent you from overcoming difficulty. The ego prefers to brush off failure as a one-off, or as something which was just not our cup of tea. As a result, we hit a phase called dead time  as we don’t seem to move any forward from there. We can only move forward if we analyze what got us there, what we can learn from it, and what we can do to get out of it. In short, we must convert moments of ruin into alive time. That’s what JK Rowling did and the rest is history.

Nobody is successful forever. There are two constants in life: change and transformation. 

You can let your ego get the better of you and allow failure to break you. Or, you can utilize failure as a learning opportunity and a springboard towards obtaining tremendous success in the future. Ryan Holiday breaks failure down into alive time and dead time. Dead time is characterized by feeling sorry for yourself and blaming others and the surrounding environment. During dead time, some even claim that they are hopeless. This period is characterized by passivity. Alternatively, alive time involves utilizing this period of failure to learn something, grow further, and become a better person. It is characterized by action and learning.

• The Ultimate Ways Resilient Leaders Bounce Back From Failure
• 7 Important Lessons You Can Learn From Failure (LifeHack)
• Resilience: Vulnerability, Failures, Mindset, & Bouncing Back

On the path to success, one will encounter individuals who may deceive, offend, or hurt you. This causes us to become angry and seek retribution. However, this is short-term thinking from the ego. It is easy to hate. It is our ego attempting to seek payback. However, this is a distraction. If we’re busy getting revenge, we aren’t focusing on our course and our work. Hate doesn’t get us to our goal, and can even set us back.

Instead, one must always love. Love is egoless.

It is positive, peaceful and productive. Hate focuses on the past while love focuses on the present and most importantly, the future. Stay positive, stay focused and always show love. When you’re surrounded by love, it’s impossible to be conquered by the crippling disease that is hate. Love restarts the heart like a defibrillator. Hate causes a heart attack that can kill you if you let it. Always choose love over hate.

Feelings of hate can cause us to go into a downward spiral.

This spiral involves us becoming very selfish and only focusing on our own needs. From this place, we can’t do the inner work required to come back from adversity. Train your brain to always assume love as the default reason for everything. Hate will transport us to a land far far away that resembles hell. Hell is where your nightmares come true, your fears are born and the person you become is something you despise for eternity.

In adversity, it’s so easy to hate. Hate defers blame. It makes someone else responsible. It’s a distraction too; we don’t do much else when we’re busy investigating the wrongs that have supposedly been done to us. — Ryan Holiday Click To Tweet

To choose love over hate often means taking the harder path. It means stepping back and thinking deeper, oftentimes it means learning more.

Martin Luther King understood that hate is like an “ eroding acid that eats away the best and the objective center of your life .” Hatred is when ego turns a minor insult into a massive sore and it lashes out. But pause and ask: has hatred and lashing out ever helped anyone with anything? Don’t let it eat at you  —  choose love. Yes, love. See how much better you feel. Learning to be grateful and kind toward others is also good for the soul. Instead of practicing active wishing of ill will, we should practice active wishing of good will. We should even do this for our enemies. We all end up dead anyway. Don’t leave room for hate or resentment in your soul.

With all of the negativity that is going on in the world right now, we need love more than ever.

I believe that it is easier to love than it is to hate. We are born with love in our hearts. Hate is learned and it takes an effort to hate. Every day we have a choice to attend to and nurture attitudes and activities that support either love or hatred. It is important to remember that love is not simply a feeling we experience, it is an attitude we nourish and an activity we engage in. If we want it to illuminate our lives with love, we need to be willing to let go of the anger, resentments and hatred that block its healing light.

• The Fastest Ways Leaders Kill Your Company Culture
• 6 Ugly Truths No One Tells You About Success (Inc.com)
• You Are Not a Failure Until You Start Blaming Others for Your Mistakes (Success.com)

Wrapping Up

Put simply , ‘Ego is The Enemy’ says we must manage our ego or see it get the best of us. Think of coach Bill Walsh who focused on perfecting the basics, taking the worst team in the NFL to winning the Super Bowl. Be an eternal student, like Metallica’s Kirk Hammett, absorbing everything around you like a sponge, knowing that there is always more to learn. As well as living with purpose and remaining a student, focus on doing the work instead of seeking recognition, letting your confidence show with results.

Your ego is your worst enemy. If you don’t do something about the march of your self-love, you’ll suffer.

Arrogance and self-centered ambition are rarely good qualities. The opposite attributes, however, are — modesty and being respectful to others. But the need to be better than other people. More than others is a drive for many people. That’s exactly what the book is all about. Ryan Holiday is explaining why your constant desire to be recognized and appreciated is devilish. Hopefully, these five lessons help you defeat your ego and reach new levels of success.

Your potential — the absolute best you’re capable of — that’s what you should be measuring yourself against, not the performance of those around you

People can get lucky and win. People can be assholes and win. Anyone can win. But not everyone is the best version of themselves. Ego Is The Enemy. And there is only one way to stay ahead. To remain modest and vigilant. That’s how you’ll undoubtedly win.

Now go out and accomplish the life changing work you are meant to do.

I’m glad you reached the end. You have kicked off the journey to become aware of the beast inside of you.  Ultimately, curbing your ego is the transformation you need to succeed in every stage of life. There are many great lessons from Ego is the Enemy, you must read the book to know them all. Anyway, thanks for reading. Comment below and let others know what you have learned or if you have any other thoughts.

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Ego Is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday: Summary and Lessons

“ Your potential, the absolute best you’re capable of—that’s the metric to measure yourself against. Your standards are. Winning is not enough. Anyone can win. But not everyone is the best possible version of themselves. ”

Rating:  6/10

Related: The Obstacle Is the Way , Stillness Is the Key , Meditations , Man’s Search for Meaning

Print | Ebook | Audiobook

Get all my book summaries here

Table of Contents

Ego Is the Enemy Short Summary

In Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday argues that often our problems are caused not by external factors but from our own ego. The book is divided into 3 parts: aspire, success, and failure. A good book on stoicism but lacks practical ways to fight the ego.

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself—and you are the easiest person to fool.“ —Richard Feynman

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, your worst enemy already lives inside you: your ego.

Ego is an unhealthy belief in our own importance .

Now more than ever, our culture fans the flames of ego. It’s never been easier to talk, to puff ourselves up.

We intuit a causal relationship that isn’t there. We assume the symptoms of success are the same as success itself—and in our naiveté, confuse the by-product with the cause.

Ego is the enemy of building , of maintaining , and of recovering .

Your ego is not some power you’re forced to satiate at every turn. It can be managed. It can be directed .

Part I: Aspire

Talent is only the starting point. The question is: Will you be able to make the most of it? Or will you be your own worst enemy?

Practice seeing yourself with a little distance. Cultivate the ability to get out of your own head. Detachment is a sort of natural ego antidote.

Though we think big, we must act and live small to achieve what we seek.

We seem to think that silence is a sign of weakness. But silence is strength —particularly early on in any journey.

The greatest work and art comes from wrestling with the void, facing it instead of scrambling to make it go away.

It is not “Who do I want to be in life?” but “What is it that I want to accomplish in life?”

You can’t learn if you think you already know.

Ego gives us wicked feedback, disconnected from reality. It blocks us from improving by telling us that we don’t need to improve.

How can someone be busy and not accomplish anything? Well, that’s the passion paradox.

What we need is purpose— passion with boundaries .

Purpose is about pursuing something outside yourself as opposed to pleasuring yourself.

Attach yourself to people and organizations who are already successful. Subsume your identity into theirs and move both forward simultaneously.

Greatness comes from humble beginnings; it comes from grunt work. It means you’re the least important person in the room—until you change that with results . Be lesser, do more.

Help yourself by helping others. Make a concerted effort to trade your short-term gratification for a longer-term payoff.

We must prepare for pride and kill it early—or it will kill what we aspire to.

What am I missing right now that a more humble person might see? What am I avoiding, or running from?

“You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.” —Henry Ford.

There is no end zone. To think of a number is to live in a conditional future. We’re simply talking about a lot of hours—that to get where we want to go isn’t about brilliance, but continual effort .

Where we decide to put our energy decides what we’ll ultimately accomplish.

Work doesn’t want to be good. It is made so, despite the headwind.

Part II: Success

As success arrives, ego begins to toy with our minds and weaken the will that made us win in the first place.

Without the right values , success is brief.

No matter what you’ve done up to this point, you better still be a student. If you’re not still learning, you’re already dying. It is not enough only to be a student at the beginning. It is a position that one has to assume for life.

An amateur is defensive. The professional finds learning to be enjoyable. They like being challenged and humbled, and engage in education as an ongoing and endless process .

Crafting stories out of past events is dangerous and untrue. Writing our own narrative leads to arrogance. These narratives don’t change the past, but they do have the power to negatively impact our future.

Instead of pretending that we are living some great story, we must remain focused on the execution —and on executing with excellence.

Far too often, we look at other people and make their approval the standard we feel compelled to meet, and as a result, squander our very potential and purpose.

With success, particularly power, come some of the greatest and most dangerous delusions: entitlement , control , and paranoia .

As you become successful in your own field, your days will be less about doing and more about making decisions . This transition requires reevaluating and updating your identity.

Creativity is a matter of receptiveness and recognition. This cannot happen if you’re convinced the world revolves around you. By removing the ego—even temporarily—we can access what’s left standing in relief. By widening our perspective, more comes into view.

Sobriety is the counterweight that must balance out success. Especially if things keep getting better and better.

Part III: Failure

Failure always arrives uninvited, but through our ego, far too many of us allow it to stick around.

What matters is that we can respond to what life throws at us. And how we make it through.

The less attached we are to outcomes the better. When fulfilling our own standards is what fills us with pride and self-respect. When the effort —not the results, good or bad—is enough.

Do your work. Do it well. Then “let go and let God.” Recognition and rewards—those are extra.

The world is to what we “want.” If we persist in wanting, we are simply setting ourselves up for resentment or worse. Doing the work is enough.

Hitting bottom is as brutal as it sounds. But the feeling after—it is one of the most powerful perspectives in the world.

Most trouble is temporary, unless you make that not so. Recovery is not grand, it’s one step in front of the other. Unless your cure is more of the disease.

When success begins to slip from your fingers, understand that you must work yourself back to the aspirational phase. You must get back to first principles and best practices.

If your reputation can’t absorb a few blows, it wasn’t worth anything in the first place.

Great people hold themselves to a standard that exceeds what society might consider to be objective success. Because of that, they don’t much care what other people think; they care whether they meet their own standards. And these standards are much higher than everyone else’s.

The absolute best you’re capable of—that’s the metric to measure yourself against. Your standards are. Winning is not enough. Anyone can win. But not everyone is the best possible version of themselves.

Aspiration leads to success (and adversity). Success creates its own adversity (and, hopefully, new ambitions). And adversity leads to aspiration and more success. It’s an endless loop .

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Home » Ego is the Enemy: A Book Review

Ego is the Enemy: A Book Review

Walter j. sommerfelt.

• March 22, 2024

I recently attended the Local Chamber of Commerce luncheon where Tony Vitello, the head coach of the University of Tennessee baseball team, was the featured speaker. Vitello is a highly successful coach who has been in his position at Tennessee since 2017. At UT, he has been selected as a two-time National Coach of the Year. His 2022 team was the SEC Champion while his 2021 and 2023 teams reached the College World Series in Omaha, Nebraska. Also, during the past six seasons, 35 former UT players have been selected in the MLB draft.

Coach Vitello provided an interesting insight into teamwork and the motivation and molding of individuals into a successful team. As in many sports, as young people grow, mature, and refine their skills, the number who enjoy success and advance up the ranks through college and on to the professional level is very small. Most of these athletes come from the high school ranks where their abilities made them the big man on campus and where their peers, in many cases, looked up to them and watched as, in some cases, their egos grew accordingly. Vitello expressed to the people in attendance that in the locker room and on the field, it was the teams that could work together and check their egos at the door that seemed to be the ones that enjoyed the most success. Camaraderie and support of each other, as well as learning to play and have fun together while respecting one another, are important parts of teamwork.

During his comments, Coach Vitello spoke about a book that was suggested to him. The book is titled, Ego Is the Enemy , by Ryan Holiday, which, in his opinion, was a good reference source that also provided insight into dealing with and understanding not only himself but his players and others alike.

As someone who enjoys reading and learning new things, following the luncheon I went online and ordered a copy of the book from Amazon. From start to finish it is a very easy read, filled with a ton of insight into the human ego. In the book, you will find many lessons to help you master success in life that many people with an insatiable ego find difficult to navigate. In today’s world where everyone wants instant success, the book helps us understand that real success comes from the journey and lessons learned along the long and winding road of life.

In life and in competition, we have all met or know someone who displays that obnoxious type of high ego whereby their self-promotion and declaration of superiority can be offensive to their peers and fellow competitors.

All of us who compete in our sport at any level or discipline have some form of ego in our desire to succeed and accomplish our goals.

Understanding our ego and learning how to control it takes time and insight. Ego Is the Enemy helps us to recognize certain life factors and put them in perspective.

The book is broken into three sections: Aspire, Success, and Failure. It is full of stories and anecdotes from people like Aristotle, Orson Welles, General George Marshall, President Ulysses S. Grant, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Ben Franklin, President Richard Nixon, Jackie Robinson, General and President Dwight D. Eisenhower, Ghengis Khan, and John Wooden, to mention a few.

Our ego can have a direct relationship to the success and failures in our lives, and the book’s three sections truly provide us with relatable insights and stories that can help us understand the journey. All three sections start with a quote related to the section.

Aspire: “To whatever you aspire, Ego is your enemy…”

The mini-chapters are titled: “Talk, Talk, Talk,” “To Be or to Do?” “Become a Student,” “Don’t Be Passionate,” “Follow the Canvas Strategy,” “Restrain Yourself,” “Get Out of Your Own Head,” “The Danger of Early Pride,” “Work, Work, Work,” and “For Everything that Comes Next, Ego Is the Enemy.”

Success: “To whatever success you have achieved, Ego is the enemy…”

Part two of the story is broken down into nine parts: “Always Stay a Student,” Don’t Tell Yourself a Story,” “What’s Important to You?” “Entitlement, Control, and Paranoia,” “Managing Yourself,” “Beware the Disease of Me,” “Meditate on the Immensity,” “Maintain Your Sobriety,” and “For What Often Comes Next, Ego Is the Enemy.”

Failure: “To whatever failure and challenges you will face, Ego is the Enemy…”

The final of the three principles is Failure and the seven sections are: “Alive Time or Dead Time?” “The Effort Is Enough,” “Fight Club Moments,” “Draw the Line,” “Maintain Your Own Scorecard,” “Always Love,” and “For Everything that Comes Next, Ego Is the Enemy.”

In the reviews section, The Honorable Frederic Block, a U.S. District Judge and author said, “What a valuable book for those in positions of authority! It has made me a better judge.”

Our history books tell us tales of visionaries who remade the world with tremendous and often irrational force. At the same time, we have also experienced those highly successful people who fought their egos daily, stayed out of the spotlight, and put their higher goals above themselves, their egos, and the great desire for recognition.

In my opinion, this book can provide each person who takes the time to read it with a new perspective on themselves and a better understanding of the many others they encounter in daily life. Understanding the human ego and how to manage and keep it under control is the basic and compelling nature of the book.

I also believe it is a book that showcases the importance of fairness and humility. We have all met boastful exhibitors and judges who express that, in their opinion, their dogs or their opinions are better and sought out more frequently than those of others.

Let’s face it, all of us as humans want to be respected by our peers as well as enjoy a level of success in our lifetime endeavors. At the same time, we need to be cognitive of how our behavior affects others.

Try to remember that EGO can be the enemy that keeps you from achieving those goals.

Understanding our ego and learning how to control it takes time and insight.

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Ego is the Enemy: The Fight to Master Our Greatest Opponent Paperback – August 3, 2017

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• Language English
• Publisher Profile Books Ltd
• Publication date August 3, 2017
• Dimensions 5.04 x 0.79 x 7.64 inches
• ISBN-10 1781257027
• ISBN-13 978-1781257029
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• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Profile Books Ltd; Hand edition (August 3, 2017)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1781257027
• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1781257029
• Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.04 x 0.79 x 7.64 inches
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About the author

Ryan holiday.

Ryan Holiday is one of the world's bestselling living philosophers. His books like The Obstacle Is the Way,Ego Is the Enemy,The Daily Stoic, and the #1 New York Times bestseller Stillness Is the Key appear in more than 40 languages and have sold more than 5 million copies. Together, they've spent over 300 weeks on the bestseller lists. He lives outside Austin with his wife and two boys...and a small herd of cows and donkeys and goats. His bookstore, The Painted Porch, sits on historic Main St in Bastrop, Texas.

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Ego Is The Enemy Book Summary (5 Lessons)

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Did you know that your mindset can make or break your long-term success in life?

Specifically, your ego can push you toward success, but if it's left unchecked, your ego can be the architect of your downfall.

Ryan Holiday’s “ Ego is the Enemy ”  reveals how unchecked ego can lead to failure and misery, through a mix of history, philosophy, and real-life examples.

This best-selling book delves deep into the concept of ego, illustrating its role as an obstacle to personal and professional growth.

Throughout Ego is the Enemy, Holiday emphasizes the importance of humility, adaptability, and self-awareness in overcoming the traps set by ego.

But is this book worth checking out?

In this post, we’ll provide a brief summary of this book and then highlight 5 lessons you can learn from Ego is the Enemy .

Now, if you’d like to check out the book, you can read it on your Kindle , get a print copy , or listen to the audiobook .

Or, if you prefer to watch instead of read, here's the video version of this article:

Table of Contents

Lesson #1: Recognizing the Ego in Yourself

There are three major things you do when your Ego is becoming too strong:

#1: Overconfidence

Sometimes, you may find yourself feeling overly confident in your abilities and achievements. It's essential to be aware of this mindset, as it can lead to arrogance and complacency .

Ensure that you remain humble by acknowledging your limitations and the continuous need for improvement.

This isn’t just about being “nice and spiritual” this is about becoming more effective. Masters of martial arts become masters not because they have big egos but because they realize through time and practice that there’s always more to learn.

Bruce Lee encapsulates this well in his famous quote “ I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times .”

This martial arts analogy can apply to any part of life.

Let’s look at the second ego-driven behavior:

#2. Validation Seeking

Your ego can also manifest in your constant need for validation from others.

You might obsess over others' opinions, seeking praise and admiration to feel complete. It is crucial to develop self-validation and remind yourself that your worth is not dependent on external recognition.

When you start to focus on improving yourself for your benefit rather than for others, you'll find that you're less reliant on their approval.

This leads us to the third ego-driven behavior:

#3. Comparing Yourself to Others

Another trait of ego is the tendency to compare yourself to others . This can be damaging as it leads to envy, competition, and even feelings of inferiority.

Remind yourself that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and it's okay not to excel at everything.

Focus on your progress and growth, rather than trying to outperform others. Remember, success is not a finite resource – there is room for everyone to succeed in their unique way.

These three will set you on the path to poor progress and less fulfillment. By staying mindful of these three aspects of ego, you can work on minimizing its influence on your life.

Now, let’s look at:

Lesson #2: Be Humble

Our entertainment and social attitudes all encourage an unhealthy development of the Ego, whether Instagram influencers or beauty pageants and reality TV shows, these all scream “confidence, confidence, and confidence.”

The truth is, confidence doesn’t make people successful, competence does.

Did you successfully commute or drive to work with confidence or competence?

Would you rather have a highly competent neurosurgeon or an overly confident one?

Our modern society views humility as a weakness, but the reality is that humility is the key to improving and progressing.

Holiday shows us how with the following concepts:

Humility lets us learn from mistakes

Failure is the greatest teacher – but if you’re afraid of failing and making mistakes you will simply never know what you’re fully capable of.

When you make a mistake, don't let your ego get in the way.

• Acknowledge the error
• Determine what caused it
• Learn from the experience
• Move forward with newfound wisdom

By humbly accepting fault and learning from your mistakes, you'll be less likely to repeat them and more likely to grow as a person.

Humility leads to a growth mindset

With humility, you're better equipped to adopt a growth mindset. This is key for personal development and can be achieved by:

• Embracing challenges
• Persevering through setbacks
• Celebrating effort, not just results
• Viewing criticism as a learning opportunity

Now, to learn more, watch this video that explores the differences between a growth and fixed mindset .

This leads us to:

Lesson #3: Practice Self-Awareness by Embracing Feedback

To conquer your ego, it's essential to practice self-awareness . Start by recognizing your thoughts, emotions, and reactions.

Becoming aware of your internal responses to situations enables you to identify and address any ego-driven behaviors.

Regularly reflect on your thoughts and emotions to better understand the underlying motives.

The Ego can work very deceptively, people find creative ways to brag about their accomplishments and subtly ask for validation from others.

When you’re on a roll and seem to be conquering obstacle after obstacle you can forget about the things that you’re not in control of that help you to succeed. This is the trap that your Ego sets for you that most people fall into.

To grow and improve, you need to embrace feedback . This may be uncomfortable at times, but honest and open communication is essential for personal development.

Remember, feedback is an opportunity to learn and progress, not a form of criticism.

Actively seek out feedback from people you trust and ensure you're genuinely listening and absorbing what they have to say. It's essential to leave your ego at the door and remain open-minded.

Lesson #4: Stay Curious

Cultivating curiosity is key to maintaining an open, ego-free mindset. When you stay curious, you continually seek new knowledge and experiences, reminding yourself that you don't know everything.

Make a habit of asking questions, exploring new ideas, and challenging your existing beliefs.

This constant state of exploration allows you to approach situations with humility and a willingness to learn, ultimately keeping your ego in check.

When you stay curious you embark on a learning journey that will last a lifetime, and this serves to only make you more and more effective.

However, it’s important to remember that while humanity as a whole has made a lot of progress we know the smallest fraction of what’s out there.

Lesson #5: Learn from History

History has countless examples that show the danger of the Ego.

For example, around the late dark ages and early medieval periods, it was firmly believed that humanity had made all the technological advances that they could have made.

However, a medieval farmer would not recognize most of the tools and technology a modern farmer takes for granted today.

Alexander the Great's insatiable need for conquest and power led to his untimely death.

Howard Hughes' unchecked ego resulted in his isolation and eventual decline in health.

And Napoleon Bonaparte's ego pushed him into making disastrous military decisions.

You can see how the ego can be a destructive force in one's life, leading to their downfall even when they were once at the height of power and success.

There are also real-life success stories about people putting aside their egos and achieving incredible things:

• George C. Marshall, an American military leader, put his own ego aside when he recommended not getting promoted in order to focus on a plan that would lead to victory in World War II.
• Eleanor Roosevelt, despite growing up in a privileged environment, chose to use her position and influence to advocate for the less fortunate, setting aside her own ego for the greater good.
• Dalai Lama and Mahatma Gandhi, both spiritual leaders, prioritized humility, compassion, and empathy above their own personal ambitions, demonstrating the power of controlling one's ego.

Consider these examples as you navigate your own life, and remember that the ability to control your ego can lead to a more fulfilling and successful journey.

Final Thoughts on Ryan Holiday’s “Ego is the Enemy”

In Ego is the Enemy, Ryan Holiday presents valuable insights and lessons that can help you overcome the internal obstacles that stem from your ego.

By grasping these concepts, you can lead a more fulfilling, productive, and successful life.

Now, as a reminder, if you’d like to check out the book, you can read it on your Kindle , get a print copy , or listen to the audiobook .

And if you want to check out another book summary, then watch our video about the 5 lessons you can learn from Atomic Habits by James Clear .

And if you're looking for more articles on book recommendations and book reviews, be sure to check out these blog posts:

• You Are a Badass Book Summary (5 Lessons)
• The High 5 Habit Book Summary (5 Lessons)
• Own the Day, Own Your Life Book Summary (5 Lessons)