homework assignment for couples

Boston Couples Therapy

• Adam Goodman

5 Thoughtful Homework Assignments for Couples in Therapy

Write a letter.

The first homework exercise to try is to write a letter about your partner’s best qualities. Write what you love most about them and why they are so special to you. After writing the letter, write the response from their perspective on their best qualities that they notice in themselves and how being with you makes them feel. This exercise will help you to see the best qualities in your partner and allow you to understand more about what they love about themselves.

Identify Things They Do That Makes You Happy

Another exercise is to think of one thing that your partner has done or said recently that made you really happy. Ask yourself if there are patterns in those moments: when do these things tend to happen? What activities seem to lead up to this positive interaction?” Ask your partner if they have noticed the same patterns or if they see things differently. This is also a wonderful way to create more empathy and understanding for one another.

Every day, for at least two weeks (depending on how quickly you catch on), take five minutes and write down three things that went well today or what made your partner happy. This can be as simple as going out for ice cream with friends when it’s not their turn for childcare. The idea is that there should always be more positive than negative in the world; so by taking even just a few moments every day to check in, you can make sure that your partner knows what made them happy and reinforce those positive interactions.

Reflecting on your current or recent feelings is a great way to get more in touch with what you’re feeling and it can help your partner do the same. With your partner, start by trying to reflect on how you are feeling right now, and what things in the current moment bring up those feelings. This is a good time to ask your partner if they are feeling anything similar.

While giving gratitude may sound cliche, it does actually matter; there are studies showing that people who do this have lower levels of depression and anxiety than those who don’t. Being mindful about what is good in our lives leads to us appreciating other aspects as well – even if we might not be feeling so great overall right now.

Create a Memory Book

One fun homework assignment for couples in therapy is to create a book of memories that span over your time together. This means going back through photographs, letters, notes, etc. Anything meaningful! There are no rules other than both partners taking part- provide some context by writing about what happened at the moment these things occurred when possible (this may take more effort from one person).

Use "I Feel" Statements

A fourth homework exercise is to try and have a conversation about your feelings, in which you start with the sentence “I feel…”

For example:

“I feel really sad. I think that’s because my mom ____.”

This specific homework assignment may be too difficult for some couples as it deals with strong emotions, but if this one fits you well then it can be very helpful. It also helps the person who feels more hurt or vulnerable to know their partner cares enough to listen. And, even when they don’t understand what has caused the pain, just saying “I’m here,” validates those raw feelings of anger or sadness.

You could also practice “alternative empathy.” Alternative empathy is a type of empathy that is not just feeling for someone else. It’s more about understanding and being able to see through their perspective with nonjudgmental kindness. This means you help them feel better by trying to understand what has gone on in their life, where they are coming from, and then offering your support.

The hardest part of practicing alternative empathy is the fact that we don’t always know what our partners are going through. We can only imagine, and sometimes it’s hard to do this because if you’re not careful, you might assume things about them based on your own life experience which could be limiting.

The best way I have found to practice empathy is by not expecting anything in return; just being there with a person who may or may not even want your help at the time will benefit them later. This means offering without expectation but understanding where they come from while also honoring their boundaries. It helps us see ourselves as someone else would and how our intentions might make others feel.

Consider Your Senses Together

A final homework assignment for couples in therapy to try is to spend time each day considering the five senses. It’s so easy in our busy lives to just go through life on autopilot and not really be present for anything we’re doing, but this exercise will help you experience the world around you as if it were new again while also creating a space where your partner can share their thoughts without any pressure or expectations.

If you like working on your relationship outside of the therapy office or tele-meeting, try one of these exercises. Let me know how it goes. If you are considering starting couples therapy, get in touch with me today !

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25 Couples Therapy Worksheets, Questions & Activities

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

In This Article

If you’re having a high level of conflict in your relationship or want to learn healthy communication strategies to prevent problems from cropping up between you and your partner, couple therapy may be a worthwhile investment. 

If you go to therapy with your spouse or significant other, you will likely be given some couples therapy worksheets to identify strengths and concerns in the relationship. These might help you learn more about each other’s needs. 

These worksheets will supplement the work you do with your therapist. 

What is couples therapy and what is couples counseling?

Before learning about couples therapy activities and worksheets, it is helpful to understand what couples therapy is. People may even use the terms counseling and therapy interchangeably, but there can be differences between the two. 

For example, counseling tends to be shorter-term and less clinical. A couple’s counselor may offer guidance and help couples to find solutions to their problems.

On the other hand, couples therapy sessions are more clinical. A therapist may help you and your partner to evaluate underlying issues, subconscious thoughts, or issues from your past that are creeping into the relationship and causing problems in the present. 

Regardless of whether you choose therapy or counseling, you will likely be asked to complete specific couples therapy worksheets or bonding exercises for couples to help you meet your goals for the relationship. 

What type of therapy is best for married couples?

There are multiple therapeutic techniques available, but there is not one single couple therapy worksheet that is best or that works for everyone. 

A couples therapist can help you and your partner select a program that best fits your preferences and situation. You might consider some of the techniques below.

1. Psychodynamic couples therapy 

One common couple therapy technique is psychodynamic couples therapy. This therapeutic approach assumes that relationship problems arise from unaddressed childhood problems and subconscious thoughts and motivations. 

For instance, people in a relationship may be reliving issues with their parents in the context of a relationship. If a woman has an unresolved conflict with her father, she may be unknowingly trying to resolve that conflict by projecting it onto her partner.

Psychodynamic therapy also addresses our subconscious beliefs and motivations. We all learn what marriages and relationships should look like by watching our parents. We then carry our expectations into our adult relationships . 

If these relationships look different from what we learned growing up, we may think there is something wrong, when in reality, our partner has different expectations than we do. Fortunately, these differences can be worked out using couples therapy worksheets. 

2. Gottman’s couples counseling

Another one of the common couple therapy techniques is Gottman’s couples counseling. Gottman is a pioneer in marital therapy, and his principles teach couples to change their behaviors to resolve problems and improve their relationship. 

Research has shown that Gottman’s approaches are beneficial for improving intimacy in relationships , and this effect is long-lasting. 

3. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

CBT is a common therapeutic approach, and you can apply it to therapy with couples. This approach states that unpleasant emotions and undesired behaviors result from distorted thinking patterns. 

Couples learn to change their thinking patterns in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) sessions, improving the relationship. 

4. Emotionally-focused couples therapy

Some couples may benefit from working with a counselor who practices emotionally-focused couples therapy. Couples therapy exercises utilized in this approach focus on helping couples to discontinue negative interaction patterns and strengthen their bond. 

Couples also become more skilled in sharing their emotions, showing compassion for each other, and changing how they communicate. Studies of couple therapy techniques have found that emotionally-focused couples therapy improves marital satisfaction. 

Relationship evaluation checklist

A relationship evaluation checklist is one of the relationship activities you might perform before even going to counseling. This checklist allows you to answer “yes” or “no” to a series of questions that evaluate the relationship’s health. 

Areas where you answer “no” may indicate a problem that may need to be addressed in therapy.

Some common questions that may be included on a relationship evaluation checklist are as follows:

• Do you feel comfortable being yourself around your partner?
• If you are upset about something, do you feel safe sharing this with your partner?
• Can you enjoy your hobbies and separate friendships while still maintaining your relationship?
• Does your partner make you feel good about yourself most of the time?
• Are you confident that they will listen if you share your feelings with your partner?
• Is your significant other willing to compromise with you to ensure that both of you are happy?
• Do you feel that your needs are met within your relationship?
• Can you and your partner discuss areas of disagreement without yelling or name-calling? 

25 couple therapy worksheets and activities 

So, what relationship worksheets or activities are used in couples therapy? The ones below are common. 

1. Extended cuddle time

Physical touch can be critical for helping couples to connect. 

A couples therapist may recommend that you and your partner spend extra time cuddling whenever you can fit it into your day. This might mean first thing in the morning or while you’re on the couch watching TV at night. 

2. Using the miracle question 

With this couple therapy activity, the therapist asks the couple, “If you woke up tomorrow and solved all your problems, what would be different?” This gives the couple an idea of important issues they’d like to work on and what they want to see change. 

3. Weekly meetings

One of the top activities for couples therapy is scheduling a weekly meeting between partners. 

Your therapist may ask you and your spouse or significant other to sit down at a specified time each week and discuss the “state of the union.” 

You will talk about how each of you is feeling, if there is any unfinished business you need to address, and what each of you needs from the other in the coming week. 

4. The five things exercise

During therapy sessions or in daily life, your couples therapist may suggest you engage in the “five things” exercise. When you do this couples therapy worksheet, you’ll tell your partner five things you like about them or five things you’re grateful they’ve done for you lately. 

5. Naikan reflection

The Naikan reflection is one of the top couples therapy worksheets. This worksheet is completed individually and asks you to answer questions such as, “What have I received out of this relationship this week?” 

The point of the Naikan exercise is for you to reflect upon the relationship and develop gratitude for your partner. 

6. The game of truth

Designed to help you and your partner connect and learn more about each other, the game of truth is typically a deck of cards that includes personal questions such as, “What is your biggest fear?” or, “What is your favorite childhood memory?” 

Exploring the answers to certain questions together can strengthen your bond, making this one of the top bonding exercises for couples. 

7. Sharing songs

Bonding over music is a favorite couples therapy activity. 

You might be asked to share your favorite songs with your partner, including what they mean to you, why you like them, and what feelings you have in response to them. This allows you to learn more about each other. 

8. The four horsemen worksheet

The “four horsemen” are concepts from Gottman’s couples therapy. These are four behaviors, including criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness, that Gottman says are damaging to relationships. 

Worksheets for couples may use concepts from the four horsemen. They provide examples of the four horsemen in action and ask you to think about better ways to communicate with your partner .

Learn more about Gottman’s four horsemen here:

9. Relationship journaling

We’ve all probably kept some sort of journal, but the relationship journal is slightly different. 

As you might guess, with relationship journaling, you and your partner will write about your thoughts, feelings, and wishes related to the relationship. You might journal about things going well, what you’d like to see in the future, or perhaps your reactions to a disagreement. 

During therapy sessions, you can share your journals in the presence of your therapist to begin working through issues.

10. Strengths exercises

A marriage counseling worksheet may ask you to think about strengths to remember the good parts of the relationship and build upon what is going well. These worksheets may ask, “What are three strengths your partner would say you bring to the relationship?” 

11. Soul gazing

It may sound silly, but soul gazing can help you to connect with your partner, and it’s one of the recommended bonding activities for couples . 

You must get close to your partner and spend about five minutes maintaining eye contact. Some people prefer to listen to calming music while they do this exercise. 

12. Uninterrupted listening

Your therapist may use this couples therapy exercise during sessions. Each partner will take a turn speaking for three to five minutes, while the other has to listen without interrupting. This allows both of you to feel heard. 

13. Soft startups worksheets

One of the top worksheets for couples communication worksheets is the soft startups’ worksheet. This worksheet is based upon principles from Gottman’s couples counseling. 

Using these worksheets can teach you to communicate more respectfully and lovingly during times of conflict rather than being harsh or confrontational when approaching your partner. 

14. Love map exercise

Another helpful couples therapy activity is the love maps exercise, which also comes from Gottman. 

A “love map” is simply your understanding of your partner’s world and who they are. 

You can complete a love map by answering questions about your partner, such as who their best friend is, what their biggest fear is, and how they most enjoy spending their free time. You can review your answers with your partner to give you an idea of how accurate you were.

15. Goals worksheets

Another one of the couples therapy worksheets that you may use is a goals worksheet. These worksheets allow you and your significant other to set goals together, improving your bond, as you’ll be working toward the same things and creating a shared life.

16. Assertive communication worksheets

Communication worksheets for couples may teach assertive communication skills. 

Learning these skills helps you communicate more clearly with your partner and increases your confidence, so you are not communicating passively or without having your needs met within the relationship.

17. Love LanguageⓇ quizzes

Theoretically, we each have our Love LanguageⓇ , which describes how we like to be loved. Some of us like to receive gifts; others enjoy physical touch, whereas others may prefer quality time together. 

When you and your partner take a Love LanguageⓇ quiz, you’ll be better able to meet each other’s needs because you’ll know how each other prefers to be loved.

18. Boundaries worksheets

Couples therapy activities may teach you how to set boundaries. You and your partner may work through a boundaries worksheet to strengthen your ability to set healthy boundaries. 

Even marriages and long-term romantic relationships require boundaries so that each of you still retains your own identities, interests, and friendships. 

19. Conflict resolution activities

Your couples therapist may give you a worksheet or activity that reveals your typical conflict resolution style. 

If you are engaging in unhealthy conflict management styles, such as name-calling, withdrawing, or deflecting blame, these activities can identify these problems and provide a starting point for intervention. 

20. Conversation starters couples therapy worksheets

Your couples therapist may give you a conversation starters worksheet to take home. This worksheet will give examples of questions you can ask to start a conversation during weekly check-ins. These worksheets may also be used during therapy sessions to spark conversation about potential issues to be addressed. 

Worksheet questions might include topics such as, “Who do we know that can serve as a role model for conflict resolution in relationships?”

21. Rules for fair fighting worksheets

It is not unusual for couples counselors and therapists to give clients worksheets to take home. These worksheets can be used for additional learning, or they can be displayed as reminders. 

One example of a couples therapy worksheet is the fair fighting worksheet. You might hang this in the office or on the refrigerator for reminders of what healthy arguments look like. These worksheets may include advice such as, “Don’t be defensive,” or “No name-calling.” 

22. Learning to turn toward your partner

Relationships are better when we respond to our partner’s requests for affection. 

Couples therapy activities may include demonstrations of what it looks like when your partner tries to connect with you and request affection. 

When you complete these activities in therapy, you’re better prepared to respond positively and turn toward your partner rather than turning away when they ask for affection or connection. 

23. Active listening worksheets

One of the more common communication worksheets for couples is the active listening worksheet. These worksheets teach you how to listen to and hear your partner, which improves your communication. You’ll learn skills such as summarizing your partner’s words and being attentive and supportive when talking.

24. Repair checklists

An important couples therapy activity is learning to de-escalate and manage conflict without damaging the relationship. 

Repair checklists are introduced in couple therapy to teach people healthy ways of managing disagreements. These checklists include appropriate conflict management responses, such as apologizing, negotiating, or acknowledging the other person’s viewpoint. 

25. The “my partner’s qualities worksheet”

A therapist may assign this couples therapy worksheet as homework and ask the two of you to bring back your worksheets to share at the next session. 

This worksheet asks you to list your favorite memories with your significant other, things that attracted you to them at the beginning of the relationship , and reasons you value them. 

Couple therapy questions 

Couples therapy worksheets and activities can be fun and interesting, but remember that during the initial stages of couples therapy , your therapist will need to assess you, your partner, and the relationship to determine your needs and goals before jumping into therapeutic activities. 

Your couples therapist may ask some of the following questions to get to know the two of you:

• How long have the two of you been in a relationship?
• What brought you to couples counseling?
• What other things have you tried to help improve the relationship?
• What do you expect from couples therapy?
• What is the biggest problem in your relationship right now?
• What is going well in the relationship?
• How did the two of you meet and fall in love ? 
• Do you feel loved?
• What do you usually fight about?

Conclusion 

The couple therapy techniques and activities discussed here are just a few available options. If you work with a couples therapist or counselor, they will help you determine the best approach and bonding exercises for couples to meet your specific needs. 

If you’re having conflict with your spouse or significant other and cannot seem to resolve it, or you’d simply like to improve your intimacy and communication, it may be time to reach out to a couples therapist. They can help you begin working toward your goals for the relationship.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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26 Must-Try Couples Therapy Exercises And Activities

Discover the best couples therapy exercises and activities in this article. It is written for therapists and counselors but will also benefit couples who want to improve their relationship with some tools they can even use at home.

The powerful exercises will help to improve communication and listening skills while also helping to develop and (re)build trust.

The exercises include the know-how from different treatment approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy ( CBT ), Positive Psychology, and Mindfulness-based interventions. All these different approaches work wonderfully together and complement each other.

We included exercises for trust-building, deepening the connection, resolving roadblocks, promoting awareness, and improving communication. Some of them can be used during therapy sessions while others work great as homework in couples therapy.

26 Couples Therapy Exercises and Activities

1.) the icebreaker.

Icebreakers can be a great opportunity to te an interesting conversation going and to learn something new about each other. It’s a great exercise for the early stage of any couples therapy or relationship coaching.

Some icebreaker questions are:

• What is a funny story you’ve never told me about?
• What is a childhood or your anecdote you could tell me?
• What did you want to become when you were a child?
• What is an embarrassing moment of your life you’d like to share with me?

Powerful Couples Therapy Exercises For Trust

2.) let’s be honest.

The rules of this exercise are easy. Both partners should answer each other’s questions honestly. This will enhance the connection between each other. You can vary between general and easy to answer questions and end up with philosophical and thought-provoking questions:

• What is your favorite memory of dating me?
• What is your favorite thing that I do for you?
• What’s something you’re glad you’ll never have to do again?
• Which memory comes up when you think about your childhood?
• If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first?
• What is one behavior that you never tolerate?
• If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
• What about me made you fall in love?

3.) Try the Trust Fall

The trust fall is an exercise in which one person stands straight, closes their eyes, and lets him- or herself fall without trying to stop it, relying on the partner to catch them. As the name says it’s a trust-building exercise that needs some courage at first.

4.) Share your favorite songs

Each partner is asked to share three of their favorite songs. They should also try to explain the meaning of the songs. Listen to the songs together.

• What does it remind you about?
• Which feelings come up while listening?
• In which mood are you usually listening to it?

Music is very personal and this exercise is a great way to open up and connect with the partner and also express some vulnerability with each other. Maybe the couple even has „their“ song. In this case, both can describe the feelings and emotions that come up while listening.

5.)  What do you know about me?

Make a small challenge and find out what the couple knows about each other. After answering one question it’s the other partner’s turn. Some example questions:

• What is the one thing that makes me feel alive?
• What makes me smile?
• What scares me?
• How would my dream holiday look like?

Click the image to read more

6.)  The favorite book exercise

Ask the couple to swap their favorite books. They should tell each other what they like about this book in particular. How did it influence their life?

Reading the partner’s favorite book can be an opportunity to get a look into the partner’s mind and understand each other better. Discussing the book and the impact it has on one is a great way to deepen the connection of the couple. This is a great homework exercise. Discuss the results together in the next session.

Best Homework For Couples Therapy

7.)  the relationship assessment.

The Relationship Assessment is a couples therapy exercise for the early stage. Each partner is asked to answer some basic questions about the relationship. It’s a questionnaire that helps explore the challenges and problems.

It gives you some fundamental background information about the couple. You’ll find out how long the clients know each other, get information about previous relationships or marriages. You’ll also get information about children, the family background, and also stress-factors that may have caused the relationship problem.

This questionnaire should be part of the inventory of any couples therapist or consultant. You can create your own or get the one that’s included here in the couples therapy toolkit.

8.)  Identify Relationship Problems

This is another great exercise for the early stage of any relationship coaching or couples therapy. The exercise allows you to identify specific areas to work on with the couple. It’s a set of questions that each partner should answer individually.

You will find out that each partner might identify different problems in their relationship. It’s a homework assignment before or after the first session.

Note the major problems each partner identifies in this questionnaire and specify with them what needs changing.

Possible areas of relationship problems are: Financial, Child-rearing, Communication, Decision-making, Jobs, Controlling each other…

The full exercise is included here

9.) Identify Relationship Goals

Couples therapy is not only about problems, but also about goals. It’s important to find common goals within a relationship. Something both partners are ready to work for. Keep in mind that a goal should always be SMART.

SMART goal means:

• Specific (Is your goal too generic? Specify it!
• Measurable (How can we measure the outcome?)
• Attainable (Is our goal attainable?)
• Realistic (Is our goal realistic?)
• Time-Bound (We want to achieve our goal until…)

The goals or priorities can be different for everyone. Help your clients create and shape a vision for their ideal relationship. The Toolkit includes a ready-to-use worksheet for your sessions. Ask clients to create their goals separately and then try to find a common goal together in one of the first sessions.

10.) The Problem-Solving Blueprint

After the relationship problems have been identified it’s time to solve them one by one. The first step is to connect the individual problem with real-life situations. This will increase the understanding of the origin and the problem itself. Once this is done it’s time to attack the problem and find strategic ways to solve it.

This exercise prompts the couple to come up with creative solutions. The problem-solving blueprint is best used after the exercise where your clients identified the biggest problems that need solving.

It’s also a great tool that comes in handy whenever new problems come up during the coaching/therapy. Assign the tool to each client individually and discuss their answers together.

Each partner defines the problem, describes it in a real-life situation, and is prompted to come up with a creative solution to that problem. The results can be discussed together with the partner and the therapist. The full exercise is included here .

11.) The Pre-Session Check-In – Prepare for each Couples Therapy Session

This is a vital exercise for any marriage or couples therapy. Each partner should sit down individually the day before a session. They should write down what went well since the last session, which change they saw, and what they want to talk about in the next session. It’s a quick progress report that allows each therapist to make their session preparation a matter of a few minutes.

The clients get prompted to focus on the upcoming session to get the most out of it. CleverMemo allows you to assign these kinds of exercises and questionnaires with two single clicks s an action item. You pick a due date, an optional reminder and clients can fill everything out in the stream they share with their therapist.

12.) Therapy Session Gold Nuggets Exercise

This is the perfect addition to the pre-session check-in exercise. Prompt your clients to write down their key insights of each session and share them with you. This should be done individually.

The notes are super helpful as clients reflect on their session while memory is still fresh. They become aware of what they’ve learned, and you get invaluable insights and feedback about what was most valuable to them. Assign this exercise as an action item within CleverMemo. This allows clients to share their answers right in their private stream. Over time you both have a running record about the entire couple therapy with each partner.

• Possible questions are:
• What did you learn in this session?
• The most valuable insight was…
• What do you want to accomplish until our next session?

The complete exercise is part of the C ouples Therapy Toolkit

13.) The Relationship Journal

Keeping a regular relationship journal (daily/weekly) is the perfect exercise to get to know the different perspectives of each partner.

It takes two for a successful relationship. If both parties start journaling about their thoughts, feelings, experiences, mistakes, successes, and wishes, a lot of invaluable insights will be uncovered.

It’s also a great way to call out and keep track of things and habits they don’t like about each other.

The therapist could discuss the journal entries individually with each partner and afterward try to solve and work on them together.

The CleverMemo automation allows you to assign the journal entry as a homework item. Just define how often (e.g. weekly) an entry should be done and the system will send reminders and nudge your clients not to forget their daily or weekly entry.

Rereading past entries is a great way to reflect and uncover recurring patterns, habits, and thoughts. Two journaling templates are included here .

14.) Don’t Overlook Your Qualities And Strengths! – Couples Therapy Exercise

Too often we focus on the bad things and what doesn’t work. This exercise prompts each partner to take a closer look at the strengths. Both their own and their strengths as a couple – as a team Awareness and understanding one’s strengths can be a huge confidence booster.

The couple should make this exercise individually. Sometimes we are sure that we possess certain strengths but our partner may not notice them or take them for granted. It’s also possible that something we consider our strong side (e.g. “I’m a very organized person”) is seen completely different by our partner without us even knowing it (e.g. He/She is a control freak“).

Two great questions to start are:

• Which three big strengths do I think my partner would say I possess?
• What are the strengths we should develop together as a couple?
• The complete exercise is part of the Couples Therapy Toolkit.

15.) The CleverMemo PIT-STOP (R) – Quickly de-escalate any argument with your partner

Even the best couples fight sometimes — that’s just what happens when two people who care about each other spend a lot of time together. But unfortunately, in some cases, arguments can escalate quickly, turning a little disagreement into a big issue.

The CleverMemo PIT-Stop exercise will help your clients to de-escalate any argument or upcoming fight. It’s a simple technique that helps them to step back and become aware of the situation and their feelings. Once the emotions cooled down it’s time to address the topic calmly.

Each time an argument comes up the couple should say some keyword like Pause, Stop, or PIT-Stop and then leave the situation. Each partner takes a seat and writes down their thoughts and feelings. You’ll find the entire exercise including all the questions for clients here .

Effective Couples Therapy Exercises For Communication

Communication and the ability to listen to each other are vital skills for any relationship to be successful. There are several exercises to assess communication issues:

16.) Let’s Improve our Communication

Good communication is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Every relationship has its ups and downs, we all have bad days, but a healthy way of communicating with our partner makes it easier to deal with conflicts and building a stronger relationship.

We cannot read our partner’s mind. That’s why is crucial to tell our significant other how we are feeling, what we want and need and what we are feeling.

Every person has different communication ways and needs of communication. That’s why it’s so important that the couple becomes aware of their current communication patterns. How would they rate their current communication? Are they able to talk about everything with their partner?

This is the first step to improve communication. The whole worksheet is part of the Couples Therapy Toolkit.

17.) The Miracle Question

The miracle question is a great thought experiment in coaching and counseling. The question has its origin in the solution-focused therapy and its name is credited to Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg. The focus is on the future, on the goal the client wants to achieve.

This question helps our couple to become aware of their own dreams and desires and learn about their partner’s dreams and desires. It can be very helpful in understanding what both they and their significant other needs to be happy with the relationship.

Ask them to answer the following miracle question:

Imagine while sleeping tonight a miracle occurred: All your current problems disappeared. What would you notice that would tell you life suddenly gotten better? How would life look like?

Tip: Couples Therapy Questions

The miracle question is just one example that shows how great the impact of the right questions can be in couples therapy. Questions can be a great resource for any couples therapist, and relationship counselor, or coach. We created a collection that will help to identify problematic areas within the relationship.

But even when you’re not a therapist, you can use some of them as an icebreaker exercise to get communication with your spouse going. Check out the list of couples therapy questions for your next session here.

18.) Listening Without Interruption

This famous couples therapy exercise focuses on both verbal and nonverbal communication.

Set a timer for 3 minutes. One partner has the chance to speak about whatever they are thinking or feeling without being interrupted. The other partner is not allowed to say anything but could use nonverbal methods to show empathy and understanding.

After three minutes both can discuss their experience, feelings, and observations. Then it’s time to switch roles so that each partner can improve their listening skills.

19.) Repeat it – Exercise

This is a variation of the „Listening without interruption“ exercise.

One is asked to tell a short story (3-5 minutes) while the partner is just listening. Once the story is over the partner is asked to reflect on what they just heard. It’s great training to enhance listening skills.

Some additional Homework Exercises For Couples Therapy

20.) send me a letter.

Both partners are asked to write a letter to each other. In this letter, they can express their frustration, feelings, or desires. For many people, it’s easier to express their emotions and feelings in written form instead of telling it to another person’s face. Each partner is then asked to write a response to their partner’s letter.

Ask your clients to share their letters with you in their CleverMemo stream. You’ll gain invaluable insights that will be useful for the upcoming therapy sessions. Discuss the letters together with them.

21.) Becoming the Best Partner I can be

This exercise will help each partner to find out what they can do to improve their relationship skills and do their part in becoming the best partner they can be.

First, we must recognize our responsibility and not get caught up blaming it all on our partner, even when it appears our partner is the one with the problem.

Let’s take a look at ourselves and what we can do to become the best partner we can be. You’ll find the exercise here.

22.) Get Your Needs Met In Your Relationship

A happy relationship thrives on our understanding of our partner’s needs. Recognizing and communicating our own needs is also very important. If both partners don’t care about or ignore each other’s needs, the relationship will fail sooner or later.

The relationship will only have a future if the mutual and individual needs of both partners are met. Common needs in a relationship are the feeling of security, appreciation, shared experiences of love, tenderness, and affection.

Each partner should ask themselves „What do I need?“ and „What does my partner need?“ and both partners should make it a habit to clearly communicate their needs. It needs some training in the beginning but it can become a routine after some time. The worksheet is part of the Couples Therapy Toolkit.

23.) Explore New Things Together

Prompt the couple to find something new they could learn or try together. This could be a skill, a hobby, or an adventure. It’s ideal if both have never done it before so that they share the experience of trying it the first time together. This could be some sport or going to dance class for example.

24.) Let’s Review Our Life Together

This is a great homework exercise for couples. Prompt them to have a glass of wine or cup of tea and review their life together. They could take a look at their first pictures as a couple and discuss all the things they’ve experienced together throughout their relationship. They can also think of things they still would like to do together. You can discuss the results in the next session.

25.)  The Gratitude List

A great couples therapy exercise is the Gratitude List or even a journal. It helps each partner to restructure how they think about their partner and to become aware of all the small positive details that made them once fall in love with each other.

Ask each partner to write down at least five things they appreciate/are grateful for about their partner. This could be followed by three things they could do to make their partner feel more loved and appreciated in the relationship. If the couple is ready for it you could take this exercise a step further and let them keep a daily gratitude journal over 2-4 weeks.

This will help them to focus on the good in their relationship and become aware of the daily little positive things they notice about their partner. A template for this journal is included here.

26.)  The Weekly Relationship Check-In

This couples therapy exercise is valuable for every relationship. It improves the communication between the partners and allows each of them to have their speak. Ask the couple to schedule 30-60 minutes per week where they talk about their latest experiences, their wishes, what they want and need from each other, and how they could improve their relationship.

There are not a lot of rules. But the listening partner agrees not to interrupt and take things personally. Both should take this time as a chance to talk honestly to each other without the fear of being judged or that the partner might overreact.

Ask your clients to share the experiences and key insights of this exercise in their CleverMemo stream with you.

Wrapping Up Couples Therapy Exercises And Activities

These were 25 must-try couples therapy and counseling exercises you can use with your clients. Practicing communication, trust, and increasing empathy and awareness for each other are undoubtedly helpful for any relationship or marriage.

If you’re looking to support your couples therapy sessions with a professional software tool you can start a free CleverMemo trial here. And if you want to improve your couples therapy with some ready-to-use worksheets and questionnaires this Toolkit is for you: Check it out

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Couples Therapy: Homework Exercises For Communication And Bonding

A common part of couples therapy for many is partaking in exercises outside of sessions, which are often known as “homework” exercises. Below, we’ve compiled some easy and helpful homework exercises that might aid you in your journey to strengthen your relationship, including gratitude lists, relationship check-ins, journaling, and more. These homework exercises can be tailored to specific romantic relationship goals, so feel free to get creative with how you use them. It can also be a good idea to complete these exercises under the guidance of a licensed mental health professional, which you can do in person or online.

Improve communication and strengthen your bond

Couples therapy is not just for couples experiencing challenges; anyone can benefit from improving relationship skills, bettering communication, and strengthening their bond with their partner. Researchers have looked into the impact of communication on relationships and found evidence that the better a couple communicates with each other, the more long-lasting and fulfilling their relationship is likely to be. 

What to expect in couples therapy

Couples therapy can go beyond the therapist’s office. Professional relationship therapists often recommend homework to their clients, such as the exercises included in this list. Relationship counseling is often the most effective when both members of the couple are willing to put in the work, both inside and outside of the therapist’s office. 

When you first attend couples therapy, the therapist will likely get to know you as a couple and then may want to talk to you individually. After determining your goals as a couple and as individuals, the therapist can support you in reaching those goals with evidence-based therapeutic interventions and relationship-building exercises. 

Depending on the therapist’s approach to counseling, they may use a variety of techniques, such as behavioral experiments, cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, psychotherapy, and homework. 

Best couples therapy homework exercises

Below are a few of the best couples therapy homework exercises recommended by couples therapists. You can use these couples therapy homework exercises at home with your partner, but they may be more impactful when combined with talk therapy from a licensed professional. A therapist can guide you through couples therapy exercises with tips for how to get the most out of the experience. 

Letter writing

If you go to couples counseling, you might practice letter writing as a homework assignment. Writing a letter to your partner can have many benefits, such as making it easier to express things that are hard to say out loud. By writing the letter, you may also discover underlying feelings, beliefs, or thoughts that can shift your perspective on a particular issue or subject. 

A great writing prompt for couples therapy that you can try at home is writing a letter to your partner describing all their best qualities and what you love about them. Then, you can have them write the same letter from their perspective, describing what they love about you and your relationship. This couples therapy exercise can help you better understand your partner’s views and recognize their best qualities. 

Gratitude lists

Making gratitude lists can be an ongoing homework exercise for couples to reflect on the positive things in their relationship and better appreciate each other. A gratitude list normally involves writing everything you are grateful for, or, in this case, what you are grateful for in your relationship. This exercise can be all about recognizing what the other person does that makes you happy and showing appreciation for them. 

For two weeks or more, write down a few things that made you happy or went well that day. When you look back on your list of positive moments, it may reveal patterns in the relationship. Talking with your partner about the list and noticing the patterns together can help you determine what is working in your relationship and how you can create joyful memories together. 

Studies show that displaying gratitude can have powerful benefits for mental health and well-being, such as reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression. Giving thanks has been found to make people happier overall, including in their relationships. 

One study on the benefits of gratitude for couples found that mutually expressing gratitude not only tended to make couples feel happier, but also made it easier to express what they wanted to change in their relationships. Positive encouragement from being shown gratitude could also help couples engage in more relationship “maintenance,” such as spending time together, checking in with each other, and being more responsive to each other’s needs. 

Scrapbooking memories

A fun and romantic couples therapy activity to try is making a scrapbook out of your memories together. Instead of a scrapbook, you could create a picture book with handmade drawings, collages, or online cut-outs. This can be an opportunity to assemble a cohesive memory book for you to reflect on your relationship together. 

If you have mementos, like romantic letters from the beginning of the relationship, or sentimental items, such as your first concert tickets together, you can put them in your memory book. You can also print out photos from your favorite memories together. Create the narrative of your love story in your scrapbook, then label the images with context about the memories and how you each feel about them. 

Icebreakers 

When you are first getting started with couples therapy, doing some fun and easy exercises like asking each other “icebreaker” questions may be beneficial. You may be surprised to find that there are things you do not know about your partner, even if you have been in a long-term relationship. These icebreaker questions are generally meant to be light-hearted and get couples comfortable before they delve into more challenging communication exercises. 

• What is your favorite childhood memory?
• Is there a funny story from your past you can share with me? 
• Would you ever want to be famous?
• What is your favorite love song?
• Do you know any random or useless facts?
• What was the first album or CD you purchased?
• If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
• If you were a candy, what kind would you be?
• What is your favorite thing to do when you are home alone?

Relationship journaling

Studies have shown that journaling can be a beneficial therapeutic device for tapping into your inner feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. Journaling together as a couple can be a homework exercise that bonds you closer through shared communication. You may choose to journal weekly or daily. 

For journaling to be most effective in a therapy setting, the couple should be honest with themselves and their partners about their feelings. Recording your feelings, thoughts, experiences, and goals in a journal can help you better understand what is going on in your partner’s inner world. Reflecting on journal entries can make patterns in the relationship more transparent, showing you what is working versus what you may need to adjust. 

The journal can be used to reflect on positive memories together and as a safe way to express frustrations about the relationship or things that you wish were different. The journal entries can also be reviewed with your therapist during couples therapy sessions later on, helping you create a plan for how to best support each other in reaching your relationship goals. 

Relationship check-in

Around once a week, try to set aside 30 minutes to an hour to discuss your relationship and check in with each other about your feelings. You may also want to record your check-ins in your relationship journal or with couples therapy worksheets so you can reflect on them later. There are couples therapy toolkits that you can download for free online, or your therapist may provide resources. 

Checking in with each other can be an important step in maintaining healthy relationships, ensuring that you are both on the same page communication-wise and not letting anything slip through the cracks.

Benefits of online therapy

These homework exercises for building bonds and improving communication may be the most impactful when combined with guidance from a licensed therapist. You can find highly qualified couples therapists online with therapy platforms like BetterHelp. Couples with busy schedules or travel limitations may have an easier time accessing online couples therapy than traditional therapy at an office. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

One 2022 study examined the effectiveness of online and in-person couples therapy and found that internet-based therapeutic interventions could be just as effective as traditional sessions. However, online sessions typically offered the benefit of being more accessible and appealing to couples who may not otherwise attend. The data collected by the researchers in this study showed overwhelmingly positive results for the majority of participants. 

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Couples Therapy Homework Planner, 2nd Edition (Wiley Practice Planners) Paperback – November 13, 2015

Purchase options and add-ons.

• 71 ready-to-copy exercises covering the most common issues encountered by couples in therapy, such as financial conflict, infidelity, work/home role strain, and separation and divorce
• A quick-reference format--the interactive assignments are grouped by behavioral problems including improving communications, handling parenting problems, and resolving sexual issues
• Expert guidance on how and when to make the most efficient use of the exercises
• Assignments are cross-referenced to The Couples Psychotherapy Treatment Planner, Second Edition --so you can quickly identify the right exercise for a given situation or problem
• Downloadable content that contains all the exercises in a word-processing format--allowing you to customize them to suit you and your clients' unique styles and needs

www.wiley.com/practiceplanners

• Print length 248 pages
• Language English
• Publisher Wiley
• Publication date November 13, 2015
• Dimensions 8.5 x 0.56 x 11 inches
• ISBN-10 1119230683
• ISBN-13 978-1119230687
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From the inside flap.

• Contains 71 ready-to-copy homework assignments that can be used to facilitate therapy with couples
• Homework assignments and exercises are keyed to the behaviorally based presenting problems from The Couples Psychotherapy Treatment Planner, Second Edition
• Assignments are available online for quick customization
• A quick-reference format—the interactive assignments are grouped by behavioral problems including improving communications, handling parenting problems, and resolving sexual issues
• Assignments are cross-referenced to The Couples Psychotherapy Treatment Planner, Second Edition —so you can quickly identify the right exercise for a given situation or problem
• All exercises are available online for you to download and customize to suit you and your clients' unique styles and needs

From the Back Cover

About the author.

BILL O'HANLON has authored or coauthored twenty-nine books and is an inspirational speaker and psychotherapist.

Product details

• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Wiley; 2nd ed. edition (November 13, 2015)
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• Paperback ‏ : ‎ 248 pages
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• ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1119230687
• Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.31 pounds
• Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 8.5 x 0.56 x 11 inches
• #428 in Popular Psychology Counseling

About the author

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The Couples Communication Workbook: Therapeutic Homework Assignments to Foster Supportive Relationships (PDF)

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The workbook provides couples with therapeutic homework assignments to help build a foundation for a happier and more fulfilling relationship. In completing these assignments, couples can rehearse new communication strategies and challenge harmful beliefs, strengthening the insights that surface during counseling sessions. This book offers fifty-two worksheets that will help couples learn strategies to manage their emotions in constructive ways, instead of turning to behaviors that erode their relationship.

About the author:  Angela M. Doel, MS, is a writer and director of operations at Between Sessions Resources. She has served in various clinical supervisory positions and worked as a family therapist. Ms. Doel holds a bachelor’s degree from the University of Toledo and earned her MS in counseling psychology at the University of Pennsylvania.

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New Homework Assignment

• By Dr. Ellyn Bader

I am often asked the questions, “How do I assign relevant homework to couples that I am seeing? Do you have suggestions for fine tuning homework uniquely to each couple?”

This month I thought I would share an easy to use, yet highly productive homework assignment.

This assignment deepens each partner's understanding of how the other thinks about a particularly charged topic. Let's say that a couple is fighting about how they each discipline their kids. One says, “you are too strict.” The other retorts “you are too loose.” The more lenient partner wants support from the other, and you know that any superficial agreement they make will fall apart quickly.

In the session, ask each partner to describe their own viewpoint about structure and discipline. You then ask the partners to draw each other out by taking turns asking questions about how they think and react to different events requiring discipline or limit setting. You can use generic examples like, your 16 year old son has a new driver's license and comes home half an hour late without calling, or your kids have specific chores but routinely forget or fail to follow through on them. Or, it's even more effective to work with a specific example that is presented by the couple.

In the office, you might structure their interaction by saying, “Will you take turns and ask each other about your view of discipline?” Ask them why they hold their beliefs and ask them about specific experiences they had in their family of origin that were effective and ineffective. Facilitate a productive discussion that allows each partner's thinking to be revealed. At this stage, there is no right and wrong, no problem solving and no negotiation.

Then, give the following homework assignment: When you go home, please write down what you believe to be central to your partner's thinking. Write at least 3 statements that summarize what you heard your partner describe. Focus specifically on how your partner thinks and what goes into their decision-making process.

When the couple returns to the next session, ask each of them to read what they have written. The listening partner then responds with either: 1. Yes, you got it. That is correct. 2. No, that is an overstatement. 3. That is directionally correct, but misses the essence of what I was trying to communicate. 4. Not correct. Here is how I would modify what you wrote.

Joe and Ann were often in conflict about disciplining their 12 year old twins with Joe being the loose partner and Ann wanting more structure.

I gave them this assignment, and they returned with the following statements:

Ann: You believe it is ok to be loose because when kids mature they naturally structure themselves. (Correct)

Ann: You believe it is ok to be loose because it preserves the emotional bond and doesn't make our kids mad at us. (Directionally correct, but misses the essence)

Ann: You believe it is ok for our kids to resist and say “no” to doing chores, because it is important for them to assert their independence. (Directionally correct, but misses the essence)

Joe: You believe in providing effective structure because you see yourself as an effective leader and you want our kids to develop leadership skills. (Correct)

Joe: You believe our kids are part of the tribe and that they should not take advantage of us by leaving their stuff around for us to pick up. (Correct)

Joe: You believe that our kids will be deficient and lazy if they don't do chores. (No, that is an overstatement)

Each partner is then asked to correct the statements before any problem solving takes place.

One of Joe's observations was an overstatement that needed correction. It was, “You believe that our kids will be deficient and lazy if they don't do chores.” Ann corrected this by saying, “I want them to learn to put themselves out for others even when it is not convenient.”

Ann had been directionally correct, but missed the essence when she summarized, “You believe it is ok to be loose because it preserves the emotional bond and doesn't make our kids mad at us.” Joe corrected this by saying, “I don't like rigid structures that are annoying. I like to ask them to pitch in when it is obvious that some chore needs doing.”

Ann had a second sentence, too, that was close, but not quite accurate. She'd said, “You believe it is ok for our kids to resist and say no to doing chores, because it is important for them to assert their independence.” Joe corrected this by saying, “I think there is a lot of learning in the back and forth discussion of ‘will you help, why or why not'? I like engaging them in those discussions rather than routine expectations of following a structure.”

After all corrections are made, each partner is asked to go home and think of one or two solutions that will work for both partners' belief systems.

The following week Joe returned proposing one solution that Ann especially liked. He suggested that he would initiate requests for the boys to go out of their way to do chores that would help Ann. He asked her to hold back and said he would engage the boys in ongoing dialogue about why they should extend themselves to help their mother. He wanted three weeks to try this approach and then the couple would evaluate the results.

A homework assignment like this one can be fine-tuned to any couple's needs. The content of their struggle is not significant. It asks each partner to understand the other's motives in a more complete way and then to develop solutions that fit with the motivation instead of using rote behavioral agreements that are likely to fall apart.

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31 Fun Couples Therapy Exercises for Bonding and Communication

Updated: 4 days ago

From couples journaling to therapy games to conversation starters, this list will keep couples busy with each other for months to come.

Couples therapy exercises , both in counseling sessions and at home, can be a great way to connect. You can work on communication skills, have fun together, and learn more about each other.

The activities can be enjoyable, such as playing therapeutic games , or informative, like talking about shared couple goals. Couples can try these activities on their own, during therapy sessions, or complete the exercises as counseling homework.

Here’s a look at several evidence-based couples therapy activities . They range from the light-hearted and entertaining, to more serious discussion prompts. Article highlights are at the top of the list, in case you’d like to skip ahead.

Article Highlights

Couple’s Pursuit Game Download

Traditional Tabletop Games

Conversation Starters

Workshops Online

Journaling for Couples

Couples Vision Boarding

Art and Crafts for Couples

Therapy Session Activities

Couples Games

Let’s start with games! There are a handful of therapeutic games that have been created with couples in mind. Traditional competitive and cooperative games can also help you bond and relax (or get excited if that sounds better).

In fact, researchers have actually found that the love and bonding hormone, oxytocin, increases when couples play games together (Melton, et al., 2019).

What a fun way to “work” on your relationship, right? Here are some ideas to get you or your clients on their way.

Couples Pursuit

Couple’s Pursuit is a fun, printable therapy game with multiple conversation prompts and activities. Think of it as a Trivial Pursuit-inspired game for couples, crossed with Pictionary, Taboo, and 20 questions.

The goal is to beat the game as a couple, completing brief relationship-building tasks and filling up the wedges of your wheels before the “third wheel” sabotages you.

The game is consistent with evidence-based couple’s counseling and coaching. It focuses on connection, showing appreciation of each other, having fun, building a future together, and more. It also includes fun-focused activities that keep the game moving and lighten the mood, like drawing and guessing categories.

Here’s a look at each of the categories included:

Drawing and guessing. This category is based on prompts like, “A favorite gift you’ve given or gotten from me.” You have one minute to draw and see if your partner can guess what it is.

Open discussion topics and conversation starters. Example prompts: “If we could change one part of our lives to make us happier, what would it be?”

Expressing appreciation. Prompts in this category encourage you to say nice things to your partner. For example, it may say, “Tell your partner about something they’ve done for you this week that made you feel better.”

Sharing key memories. The memory category often evokes some of the deepest conversations. Prompts often bring up new topics for couples, such as “Describe a time you lied as a kid and never got caught.” Even if you can’t think of an exact example, it’s sure to bring up some interesting things to talk about!

Giving clues and guessing. This category has you listing ideas before the game, and then seeing if your partner can guess them (similar to Taboo). For example, it might include, “Something my partner wishes I would do more of.” You have to try to get your partner to guess your answer only using clues. This category tends to either be funny, or bring up things you wouldn’t think of sharing otherwise.

Physical affection and intimacy. This category is a little more direct, with prompts like, “Hold your partner’s hand and caress their arm.” You can skip this category if you like, or choose a different affectionate activity. This can be good for couples who have trouble being intimate, or may need a jump start lately.

You can learn more and download the activity here - since you can get it immediately, you could play it tonight if your significant other is game!

Cooperative Tabletop Games

Did you know there are many games where you play against a villain or challenge, instead of your partner? What a metaphor for a relationship! These cooperative activities are about competing together against the game.

Traditional cooperative games aren’t necessarily created to be relationship-building , however many couples find them more fun than competitive games. (Or at least a way to play together without arguing!)

They are consistent with the camaraderie and team-building elements encouraged in couples therapy. Here are some popular options.

Pandemic - Work together to save the world

Unlock - An escape-room type game that you can play with your partner at home

Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective - Solve the mystery as a couple

Competitive Tabletop Games

Some partners enjoy competitive games more than the cooperative options. If it helps you bond and you don’t end up resentful of each other at the end, then go for it! Here are a few games great for two, along with their competitiveness level.

Fluxx - Multiple theme versions (hello sci-fi fans) that are excitable and highly competitive

Carcassonne - A technically competitive but low-key game for a relaxing evening

Ticket to Ride - A middle-of-the-road board game that offers a bit of competitiveness and distraction (although you can help each other if you like)

Couples Journaling

Couples journaling is also becoming a more popular activity. There are variations and you can make the activity your own. You can keep separate journals that you use to help you communicate, or a joint one that can be its own communication tool. Here are some ideas for how to use a shared journal:

Write in the journal together, following a joint prompt. For example, you might answer: “What do we imagine we’ll be like 10 years from now?” You can take turns writing or appoint one of you to be the scribe.

Write in one journal, but separately. For example, you might keep it in one spot and write down thoughts or ideas and then review them later together. Or you can write to different prompts each week (like in the first example) but do it separately and then read them later.

Use a joint journal to communicate difficult thoughts. Do you or your partner have trouble explaining your feelings or responses? You can also use a shared journal to express yourself, and your partner can read it privately. They can respond in the journal, or you can discuss it together later.

Use a joint journal to express gratitude, appreciation, or shared goals with each other. You can do this either at the same time, or separately as in the examples above.

Make up your own journal activities, and create a ritual around it. Perhaps you review the journal every Sunday, or write in it together once per week. The whole idea is to connect, communicate, and understand each other better.

Use an electronic journal if that works better. If you can’t get down with the written journal, there are multiple electronic options available. The simplest is to use a shared Google Doc and start each new entry with a date at the top of the page (to avoid scrolling). You can even download our couples journal as a Google Doc, or a printable PDF if you prefer.

Couples Vision Board

One of the most rewarding and fun activities I’ve done with my partner was a couples vision board . It’s the same as a traditional vision board, but includes either one board you’ve designed together, or a side for each of you. You can also have an overlapping area in the middle with couple goals.

Vision boards are just like those collages you made with magazines as a kid, but a bit more intentional. Here are some suggestions for creating a couples vision board:

Use a bulletin board. These can be easily changed and updated over time, and you don’t need to worry about making mistakes or changing your mind.

Find old magazines, stickers, couples memorabilia (like ticket stubs or photos) and choose intuitively. Especially at first, don’t think too much about it. Make a pile of pictures or cutouts you might use and choose from them later.

Write your own words. Sometimes you can find the exact phrase or word you need from an old magazine page. But if you don’t, no worries. Just write your own words on a scrap of paper and pin them where you like.

Make another electronic vision board. I recommend also making a physical bulletin vision board, but an electronic board is cool too. Consider doing that later and making it a consolidated version of the larger one. I like an app called simply Vision Board, available in app stores.

Have separate and together sections . What a metaphor for life! A healthy relationship includes your time, their time, and together time. Your vision board can show these three areas of your relationship and encourage you to focus on each.

For a little help, try our vision board set, available within the Couples Activity Kit. It includes cute printable robot couples stickers, along with inspirational quotes to include on your vision board. Check it out here.

Conversation Starters for Couples

Discussion prompts are a popular tool among many couples and therapists. It’s a great way to get to know each other early in a relationship. And it’s a great way to keep connected or get to know each other again over the years.

Here’s a look at some popular, as well as lesser-known, conversation tools for you and your partner.

Gottman Card Decks

Have you heard of the Gottman Method? If not, it’s time to check it out! It’s an evidence-based treatment based on years or research on how couples actually interact and live together. They’ve br

anched out to offer more resources, including coaching, for couples, families, and even single

One of their best resources are the Gottman Card Decks. They offer multiple versions including 52 Questions Before Marriage or Moving in , and the Love Map & Open Ended Card Decks . If you’re feeling excited (or not excited enough) you can also try out their sexy Salsa Card Deck .

If you’d like to check out the cards right away, you can also access digital versions online via the Gottman Card Deck app on Apple or Google Play.

Tabletopics for Couples

Tabletopics: Couples is popular and fun set of cards that will certainly get you talking. They’re a fun set of cards that go beyond the typical questions and will have you thinking and laughing. The game has multiple versions including an original and updated decks.

Gottman Workshops

Feeling more ambitious? The Gottman Institute also offers online workshops, both live and recorded, with more detailed activities. They review foundational skills relating to communication, expressing fondness, and changing toxic patterns. You can check out their options here.

Couples Crafts

Remember how games can give you a hit of the bonding hormone? It’s the same for other activities like making art together.

I like to use the word “crafts” sometimes rather than art, because it takes off the pressure. Art seems like something to aspire to, while crafting is about the process. The vision boarding idea above could be considered a type of art, as could cooking or even journaling (especially if you add a visual aspect).

Crafting could literally be making one item together (can you say diorama?) or each completing your separate projects at the same time. Ready for more ideas? Here we go:

Try adult coloring. You can find inspirational coloring sheets online or in bookstores. Or, you can look for nostalgic coloring books like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Strawberry Shortcake. They’re for kids of all ages!

Take an art and wine class. Have you ever been to one of those events where they walk you through how to paint a really serene picture? They’re pretty fun, and you often come out with a finished project you’re pretty proud of. Many art studios offer these for groups or as a date night. Check them out in your area!

Make a joint sand tray. Does your therapist have a sand tray in their office? Or are you a therapist, wondering how to use your sand tray with adults? It can be a therapeutic and fun couples activity. Start with a prompt, like “What is it like when we feel close to each other?” or “How do we each feel when we’re fighting?” Let the miniatures do the talking.

Go on a photo safari. Have you ever taken photos for an artistic or therapeutic purpose? Selfies and family pictures are awesome, but adventure images are for a different purpose. Recreate your first date and take images like you’re making a magazine spread. Each create an image that shows how you feel about the other. Better yet, use a tripod to create your own couples photo shoot, showing your separate and combined personalities.

Calming Rituals

Rituals, or activities you do regularly or in the same circumstance, are a great way to decrease stress. They can help in the good times and bad. For example, some couples have a nightly ritual in bed where they talk about their day and catch up with each other.

It’s great to watch a movie or have dinner together, but a check-in session allows you to go a little deeper, expressing yourself and showing empathy for your partner. This is a good practice activity for therapy sessions.

Rituals can also be used during difficult moments. If you have frequent arguments, or occasional big ones, rituals can make a big difference. They might involve taking an hour or so apart after a fight to cool down, or watching your favorite sitcom together until you feel clear-headed enough to talk.

Here are some ideas for calming rituals:

Dinner at your favorite restaurant once a month, or when it’s time to celebrate. Celebratable events differ for each couple – maybe it’s for when one of you gets a raise at work, or completes a personal project that’s important to them. Celebrate each other’s successes.

Weekly movie nights. Make watching a movie together an event. Make popcorn or get out healthy snacks. If it’s affordable, head to the theater, or mix it up and go out to the movies one week a month.

Regular family game nights. Game nights can be for the two of you, or for the whole family if you have kids or others in your home. Just make sure you’re also getting one-on-one time if you have a shared household!

Daily, or at least weekly, check-ins. Talk about how you’re feeling, how work or other activities are going, things that you’ve enjoyed lately, etc.

Saying thank-you, sorry, and “I appreciate that.” When people are together for a long time, they sometimes stop treating the other one like a person. When your partner helps with something, even if it’s an everyday chore, that’s something to recognize. Otherwise, people can start to develop resentment or apathy. Being nice will also remind your partner to provide the same for you!

Caring for animals and pets. Caring for pets together can be a great way to bond as well as relax your nervous system. Sometimes therapists even combine pet therapy with family and couple's sessions! You can also look into adopting, fostering animals temporarily, or volunteering at a local shelter. Often they're looking for people to walk dogs and assess their social skills. Sounds like a fun date!

In-Session Couple’s Therapy Activities

Are you a couples therapist or relationship coach? Choosing activities based on your clients’ goals is an important part of your job. That might involve assigning homework or helping couples communicate during sessions.

Many of the activities above will work with some modifications. For example, discussion prompts can be pulled from games or card decks, or can provide you with inspiration. Here are some other activities that may work, depending on your modality and goals:

Practicing soothing rituals in session. You might have your couples practice mindfulness together, or role-play how they might discuss their day and validate one another.

Discuss attachment styles. I’m amazed at how many of my individual clients have been to couples counseling but haven’t heard of attachment styles! If you’re not familiar, I recommend the book “Attached” to get you started. Attachment is a key element in therapies like emotionally focused couples therapy for couples (EFT).

Model empathy and validation. Many people are unaware of when they are being invalidating to their significant other. Listening and practice is the key. You may start by literally role playing, showing what it’s like to validate versus not validate. Once that clicks for partners it can be a game-changer.

Provide (and learn) evidence-based therapies. It may sound like a no-brainer, but if you work with couples it may be a necessity to complete training in the top couples therapies, like The Gottman Method or EFT. At least completing the introductory courses can give you an idea of what couples need the most, since relationships go beyond basic communication.

Try Something New

Is this list enough to get you started? I hope so! Each couple is different, so the best activities for you will depend on your individual personalities, and the areas where you mesh well together. Don’t be afraid to try new things that you wouldn’t normally do. Either you can commiserate on how horrible the experience was, or be surprised and have a new couples activity to add to your arsenal!

Want a fun and meaningful activity you can try or share right away? Check out this couples relationship game and other activities you can download and play today.

Lauer & Lauer, 2002, The Play Solution: How to Put the Fun and Excitement Back Into Your Relationship

Melton, et al., 2019, Examining Couple Recreation and Oxytocin via the Ecology of Family Experiences Framework.

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15 Powerful Communication Exercises For Couples To Grow Closer

Communication exercises for couples help to build a stronger relationships. Effective communication in marriage can mean the difference between a long-lasting happy union with minimal stress and one that is tumultuous, toxic, and destined to end.

Luckily for you, mastering communication exercises is something anyone can do with enough practice. And the best part about these exercises? They can all be done from the comfort of your own home !

Read on to discover the best communication exercises and activities for couples that will help to improve your communication skills within your relationship or marriage while also helping to develop and build trust.

Table of Contents

Practical Communication Exercises for Couples

There are various communication exercises to choose from , all covered in this guide.

• Verbal activities teach partners to express themselves utilizing respectful tone and phrasing.
• Nonverbal exercises assist individuals in learning the importance and subsequent impact of body language, facial expressions, gestures, and eye contact.
• Written communication activities educate couples about expression through written composition.

Despite the targeted skill set, all exercises attempt to re-establish connection and trust within the relationship. Enclosed are examples of communication exercises that target verbal, nonverbal, or written communication.

Exercise #1: “Fireside Chats”

President Franklin D. Roosevelt utilized informal radio broadcasts to address the nation during his presidency.

The term “fireside chat” was said to invoke images of one chatting with the President in front of a cozy fireplace.

In this verbal communication exercise, couples are encouraged to schedule a “fireside chat” once weekly for a 15 to 30-minute duration.

This exercise teaches partners to utilize calm and respectful words to discuss issues involving their mothers-in-law.

All distractions are to be eliminated and ignored, with the focus squarely on each other.

“Fireside chats” can explore either surface or deeper content and usually depends on the magnitude of a couple’s issues.

If the magnitude is large, it is recommended that a couple begins with “safer” conversations, such as pop culture, world events, or entertainment, before moving on to more heated, controversial topics.

Exercise #2 “High-Low”

This verbal communication activity allows individuals to express themselves while their partner employs attentive listening techniques freely.

This activity should be utilized during the latter part of the evening (i.e., during dinner or bedtime) and allows a couple to check with each other about the most critical aspects of their day.

Each partner is asked to share the best part of their day, their “ high ,” and the most disappointing aspect of their day, their “ low .” As one partner shares, the other utilizes active listening techniques to convey empathy and understanding.

Exercise #3 “Listening Without Words”

This is an exercise that focuses on both verbal and nonverbal communication. A timer is set for 3-5 minutes; one partner can verbalize their thoughts and feelings without interruption.

Meanwhile, the other partner can only use nonverbal techniques to convey empathy, understanding, and encouragement. When the timer goes off, the couple processes the experience by discussing observations, feelings, and ideas.

Each partner will then switch roles to get an opportunity to practice both skills.

Exercise #4 “Eye See You”

This is a nonverbal communication exercise focusing solely on eye contact.

In this exercise, two chairs face each other in a quiet, relaxing environment.

Both parties are asked to maintain eye contact for five minutes without breaking or looking away. During this activity, individuals are encouraged to allow internal thoughts and feelings to surface.

After the activity, couples are encouraged to discuss their experience, levels of comfort or discomfort, and bodily sensations.

Each individual can guess their partner’s thinking to assess connection and whether nonverbal messages came across.

Exercise #5 “Send Me a Postcard”

This is a communication activity targeting written communication.

Both partners are given a blank postcard with directions to write a message depicting a frustration, a feeling, or a desire.

Each partner is then asked to “mail” their postcard by giving it to their partner without verbal interchange.

Each partner is then asked to utilize another postcard to write a response to their partner’s message.

Assertive Communication Exercises for Couples

Communication styles fall into three main categories, passive, aggressive, and assertive.

Passive Communication

This communication style occurs when one does not stand up for themself and instead acts as a “doormat.” People who are passive sacrifice their wants and needs for the wants and needs of someone else .

Aggressive Communication

This communication style utilizes intimidation tactics to bully others into getting what one wants.

Assertive Communication

Finally, assertive communication occurs when an individual respectfully and appropriately asserts their wants and needs openly and directly.

This communication style bolsters self-esteem, increases respect, and makes both partners feel valued and heard.

Assertiveness training allows individuals to become aware of their most used communication style and assists them in developing a more robust, assertive manner.

Assertiveness training empowers couples by stressing the importance of communicating one’s thoughts and desires while being respectful to the wants and needs of their partner.

Exercise #1 Using “I statements”  

A typical communication pitfall is when words like “you,” “should,” and “could” are used during self-expression.

These words result in a defensive reaction, while the individual feels attacked, blamed, and criticized.

This assertiveness training activity teaches couples how to eliminate these words by educating them on expressing themselves in an “I statement” format.

One partner states, “I feel ____ when you ___ because _____. I would like for you to _____.”

The other partner is then asked to respond to that statement with another “I statement.”

The other partner answers, “You sound ____ because ____. Next time, I will ______ and I _______.”

Exercise #2 “Say It Again”

This assertive communication activity asks couples to identify three critical statements used during a past disagreement or argument.

The couple then works together to reformat each statement of how the message could have been conveyed without criticism or attack .

Exercise #3 “Sticks and Stones”

This assertiveness training exercise addresses name-calling and self-esteem.

Each partner is asked to independently list disrespectful and hurtful names with which their partner has tagged them.

The couple then comes together , and each is allowed to read their list.

Each partner is given a chance to explain how each term impacted their feelings of confidence and self-worth.

Communication and Trust Building Exercises for Couples

Trust conveys feelings of emotional and physical security and builds over time from honest, reliable, and direct communication. One of the most famous scenes from “Titanic” depicts Jack holding his hand out to Rose while asking, “Do you trust me?”

Thankfully, trust activities can be accomplished in far less dramatic scenarios in everyday life, but the principle remains the same.

Exercise #1 “Copycat”

This activity is goal-directed, and its success is directly related to the level of communication and trust between partners. A couple is asked to sit back to back with the same building blocks.

One partner creates a structure and is then allowed to provide verbal directions so that their partner can build the same network. Individuals must trust that their partner gives them clear, concise, and accurate directions to reach their goals.

Exercise #2 “Minefield”

Each partner creates an obstacle course in this activity with various objects serving as “mines.”This partner then utilizes verbal communication to guide their blindfolded partner through the course while protecting them from the “mines.”

Exercise #3 “Give Me a Hand”

In this exercise, couples have to work together to achieve a common goal with an arm tied behind each of their backs. Both individuals must communicate directions and actions concisely so that each partner can use their free hand to meet the objective.

Any goal, such as buttoning a shirt, zipping a zipper, tying a shoe, or clasping a necklace, can be utilized.

Communication Exercises for Engaged Couples

Premarital counseling is becoming more common and sought-after with today’s exorbitant divorce rates. Couples seek to strengthen their relationships with guidance and practice before marriage to avoid being another statistic.

Communication exercises can be utilized as a part of premarital counseling with a mental health professional or employed by the couple. These exercises attempt to make individuals aware of their communication styles while educating them about healthier and more valuable patterns.

Additionally, these activities seek to increase connection and trust within their relationships.

Exercise #1 “Mirror Mirror On the Wall”

This communication exercise helps couples to practice verbal communication and active listening skills. One partner is asked to tell a detailed story for five minutes, upon which their partner is asked to reflect on what they heard.

The partner reflecting is tested on their ability to employ active listening strategies, assess their level of understanding, and determine accuracy in mirroring what was said.

Exercise #2 “Future Goals”

This activity assists a couple in identifying and communicating future goals and desires with each other. Couples are encouraged to consider and discuss short-term and long-term goals to understand what each partner needs to be happy and satisfied.

Exercise #3 “Music Lyrics”

This activity utilizes music and song for self-expression. Each partner chooses three songs they can relate to and then shares the lyrics with their partner. This activity will prompt conversation about why songs are meaningful, the evoked feelings, and why a particular piece was selected.

Exercise #4 “It’s All in a Name”

This activity fosters connection, closeness, positive feelings, and gratitude among partners. Each individual is asked to choose a compliment or positive quality to describe their partner for each letter of their partner’s name.

Each individual is then asked to read their list while describing the impact on their self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth.

The Importance of Communication Exercises for Couples

People have attempted to understand and decipher the padlock to a healthy relationship for decades. Over the years, theorists and professionals have hypothesized several theories to predict whether a relationship will make it down the aisle or whether it can persevere into old age.

Despite differing opinions, it is generally agreed that communication is vital to demystifying and opening the padlock. In the early 1990s, society learned that “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus,” as inherent gender characteristics were blamed for the miscommunication between couples.

Several years later, the “Five Love Languages” concept debuted, asserting that all individuals, regardless of gender, express and understand emotions differently.

To date, humanity isn’t sure if it should be booking an educational expedition to Mars or Venus or if it should be acquiring a well-versed translator.

Nevertheless, mental health professionals and relationship gurus agree that couples must communicate well to maintain happy and trusting relationships. Communication exercises can either renew a troubled relationship or strengthen the connection happily.

How Often to Practice Communication Exercises as a Couple

A person’s childhood, background, and upbringing significantly impact how one communicates as an adult.

During the first few years of life, children keep a watchful eye on their parents as they observe whether discussions between their role models end in heated confrontations or whether ideas are generated and perspectives shared.

Children can witness negative communication habits, such as blaming, name-calling, and criticism, or observe healthy techniques, such as listening, validation, and respectful tone.

Wrapping Up Communication Exercises for Couples

So there you have it! These are some of the best and most potent communication exercises for couples.

Whether you’re looking to save your marriage or grow closer together as a couple, practicing communication exercises in your relationship will undoubtedly save you a lot of grief and headache.

Which exercise are you going to try first? Let us know in the comment section below; we’d love to hear from you!

Tracy Smith, LPC, NCC, ACS

22 thoughts on “15 Powerful Communication Exercises For Couples To Grow Closer”

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• Pingback: 49 Communication Activities, Exercises, and Games for Adults, Couples, and Families - Find Yourself Well
• Pingback: 49 Communication Activities, Exercises and Games for Adults, Couples and Families

Hello, I am preparing a retreat format to help couples improve their communication. I would like to know if I can use these exercises for that retreat . What is the process for permission from the authors or owners of these exercises? Thanks for your attention.

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Hello, I would love to use these exercises for our church’s marriage ministry retreat . What is the process for permission from the authors or owners of these exercises?

I loved this! Thank you, I will certainly use this in my sessions.

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Very helpful for my pre-marriage counseling orientation to Marriage Counselors.

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I loved both the Communication Exercises for Engaged Couples and also the Communication and Trust Building Exercises for Couples!! Excellent ideas that I’ve never heard before…great article.

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A research-based approach to relationships

Homework Assignment: Six Seconds to Happy Couplehood!

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we share an article written by Theo Pauline Nestor of Match.com that offers to help you “find out how just a few minutes a day doing little things differently — like saying ‘hello,’ ‘goodbye’ and sharing a kiss — can change the course of your relationship for the better.”

Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we share an article written by Theo Pauline Nestor of Match.com that offers to help you “find out how just a few minutes a day doing little things differently — like saying ‘hello,’ ‘goodbye’ and sharing a kiss — can change the course of your relationship for the better.” We hope that you’ll find it enlightening and thought provoking! For more insight, get your hands on a copy of Dr. Gottman’s latest, long-awaited book,  What Makes Love Last? .

6 Seconds to Happy Couplehood!

By Theo Pauline Nestor 

These scenarios that come along with a busy lifestyle are familiar to most of us: When your date arrives at your place while you’re in the middle of an important phone call, you gesture for this person to come in and finally get around to greeting each other 10 minutes later, still feeling a bit frazzled from your conversation. Or maybe you just spent a great weekend together, but when it’s time to say goodbye, you realize that you’re running late for an appointment — so you rush out the door in a hurry, barely kissing your date goodbye.

These rushed instances are as understandable as they are commonplace, but they inevitably take a toll on relationships, because these transitional moments often set the tone for both a couple’s time together and their time spent apart. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher and the author of  What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal , asserts that our “rituals of connections are crucial,” because they serve not only to re-establish the connection with our partners, but also to protect our relationships from betrayal. “The parting and reunion [moments] turn out to be really important,” asserts Dr. Gottman. Attention spent on each other in transitional junctures communicates that “you’re important to me, and when you come back at the end of the day, it’s an event. You matter to me.” 

How momentary transitions can safeguard your romance from betrayal

Being present for each other and asserting the importance of the relationship during these transitional moments is part of how couples establish what Dr. Gottman refers to as “attunement” — i.e., a deep level of understanding that couples both possess and lovingly express to each other. In his book,  What Makes Love Last? , Dr. Gottman asserts that this level of attunement with each other is a way for couples to inoculate themselves against falling down the slippery slope of negative thinking about their relationship that can ultimately lead to betrayal. “One of the other important things we discovered about betrayal was not only about turning away from one another, but it’s also about this negative comparison where one partner is saying in [his/her] mind, ‘Who needs this crap? I can do better,’” Dr. Gottman explains. “And that negative comparison gets people to start detaching from the relationship.” 

Six seconds to a better relationship

The “six-second kiss” is one simple and fun activity that Dr. Gottman advocates couples incorporate into their everyday moments of transition. Described by him as “long enough to feel romantic,” the six-second kiss serves as a temporary oasis within a busy day and creates a deliberate break between the on-the-job mentality (i.e., going to or from work) and a couple’s one-on-one time together. In fact, the six-second kiss makes up just a fraction of what Dr. Gottman has dubbed the “magic five hours,” which is the amount of extra time he’s found that the most successful, happiest couples began devoting to their relationships each week after completing his workshops together. Time spent intentionally focusing on their partners during “reunions” and “partings” also comprise an important component of the “magic five hours” that these couples invest into their relationships on a weekly basis. 

Reunited, and it feels so good… 

We’ve all heard the saying, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” The same could be said for the moment when you’re reunited with your date. Those first few moments set the tone for your time spent together — either positively or negatively. Greeting your sweetheart with affection communicates this person’s importance to you while reminding your partner of the good feelings you share when you’re in each other’s company, and trigger reciprocal feelings of his or her own. 

A number of small gestures can be combined in order to ensure that your reunion goes well:

• Make sure to set aside your phone and any other distractions first, and then give your partner your full attention as you exchange greetings. 
• Share a six-second kiss. 
• Say that you’re happy to see your partner again. 

If you’re used to a more casual way of saying “hello” and “goodbye,” these seemingly simple gestures of affection might feel awkward at first, but letting your partner know that you’re happy to see him or her creates an important,  positive  transition between your time apart and the time you spend together. 

In a long-term relationship, Dr. Gottman says that having a “stress-reducing conversation” is a great way to kick off a couple’s reunion time together. “The one thing research has discovered,” says Dr. Gottman, “is that if they take 15 minutes apiece to talk about what’s stressful about the day, and their partner is an ally in listening — without giving advice or problem-solving — that can be very important. You have to have a time when you really have your partner’s ears; it’s a time when you really can connect.” 

How to make saying “goodbye” even sweeter

Setting a few minutes aside to properly say “goodbye” to each other can make a dramatic difference in a couple’s thoughts about the relationship during the time they spend apart. So before you zoom off into the world going different directions, take a minute to communicate how much you enjoyed your time together — and maybe touch base about when you’ll be getting together again in the near future. If you don’t have a plan for your next date, just establishing when you’ll be talking to each other next (“I’ll call you tomorrow”) can help a couple maintain their feelings of connection with each other. 

You should also make a point of asking what’s ahead for your sweetie so you can provide the right kind of support later on. “One of the most important things to do in parting is to find out what your partner’s day is going to be like,” Dr. Gottman says. “Find out about anything that is important that’s going to happen to your partner that day. If she’s going to have lunch with a friend or he has a critical phone call or important meeting scheduled, know about that and what it means to her or him.” 

And yes, before saying goodbye to your partner (for now, anyway), don’t forget to savor that six-second kiss!

__________________________________________

You can read the original article  here . 

The Gottman Institute’s Editorial Team is composed of staff members who contribute to the Institute’s overall message. It is our mission to reach out to individuals, couples, and families in order to help create and maintain greater love and health in relationships.

Sending Homework to Clients in Therapy: The Easy Way

Successful therapy relies on using assignments outside of sessions to reinforce learning and practice newly acquired skills in real-world settings (Mausbach et al., 2010).

Up to 50% of clients don’t adhere to homework compliance, often leading to failure in CBT and other therapies (Tang & Kreindler, 2017).

In this article, we explore how to use technology to create homework, send it out, and track its completion to ensure compliance.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Psychology Exercises for free . These science-based exercises will explore fundamental aspects of positive psychology including strengths, values, and self-compassion, and will give you the tools to enhance the wellbeing of your clients, students, or employees.

This Article Contains:

Is homework in therapy important, how to send homework to clients easily, homework in quenza: 5 examples of assignments, 5 counseling homework ideas and worksheets, using care pathways & quenza’s pathway builder, a take-home message.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy has “been shown to be as effective as medications in the treatment of a number of psychiatric illnesses” (Tang & Kreindler, 2017, p. 1).

Homework is a vital component of CBT, typically involving completing a structured and focused activity between sessions.

Practicing what was learned in therapy helps clients deal with specific symptoms and learn how to generalize them in real-life settings (Mausbach et al., 2010).

CBT practitioners use homework to help their clients, and it might include symptom logs, self-reflective journals , and specific tools for working on obsessions and compulsions. Such tasks, performed outside therapy sessions, can be divided into three types (Tang & Kreindler, 2017):

• Psychoeducation Reading materials are incredibly important early on in therapy to educate clients regarding their symptoms, possible causes, and potential treatments.
• Self-assessment Monitoring their moods and completing thought records can help clients recognize associations between their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors.
• Modality specific Therapists may assign homework that is specific and appropriate to the problem the client is presenting. For example, a practitioner may use images of spiders for someone with arachnophobia.

Therapists strategically create homework to lessen patients’ psychopathology and encourage clients to practice skills learned during therapy sessions, but non-adherence (between 20% and 50%) remains one of the most cited reasons for CBT failure (Tang & Kreindler, 2017).

Reasons why clients might fail to complete homework include (Tang & Kreindler, 2017):

Internal factors

• Lack of motivation to change what is happening when experiencing negative feelings
• Being unable to identify automatic thoughts
• Failing to see the importance or relevance of homework
• Impatience and the wish to see immediate results

External factors

• Effort required to complete pen-and-paper exercises
• Inconvenience and amount of time to complete
• Failing to understand the purpose of the homework, possibly due to lack of or weak instruction
• Difficulties encountered during completion

Homework compliance is associated with short-term and long-term improvement of many disorders and unhealthy behaviors, including anxiety, depression, pathological behaviors, smoking, and drug dependence (Tang & Kreindler, 2017).

Greater homework adherence increases the likelihood of beneficial therapy outcomes (Mausbach et al., 2010).

With that in mind, therapy must find ways to encourage the completion of tasks set for the client. Technology may provide the answer.

The increased availability of internet-connected devices, improved software, and widespread internet access enable portable, practical tools to enhance homework compliance (Tang & Kreindler, 2017).

Clients who complete their homework assignments progress better than those who don’t (Beck, 2011).

Having an ideal platform for therapy makes it easy to send and track clients’ progress through assignments. It must be “user-friendly, accessible, reliable and secure from the perspective of both coach and client” (Ribbers & Waringa, 2015, p. 103).

In dedicated online therapy and coaching software, homework management is straightforward. The therapist creates the homework then forwards it to the client. They receive a notification and complete the work when it suits them. All this is achieved in one system, asynchronously; neither party needs to be online at the same time.

For example, in Quenza , the therapist can create a worksheet or tailor an existing one from the library as an activity that asks the client to reflect on the progress they have made or work they have completed.

The activity can either be given directly to the client or group, or included in a pathway containing other activities.

Here is an example of the activity parameters that Quenza makes possible.

A message can be attached to the activity, using either a template or a personally tailored message for the client. Here’s an example.

Once the activity is published and sent, the client receives a notification about a received assignment via their coaching app (mobile or desktop) or email.

The client can then open the Quenza software and find the new homework under their ‘To Do’ list.

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Quenza provides the ability to create your own assignments as well as a wide selection of existing ones that can be assigned to clients for completion as homework.

The following activities can be tailored to meet specific needs or used as-is. Therapists can share them with the client individually or packaged into dedicated pathways.

Such flexibility allows therapists to meet the specific needs of the client using a series of dedicated and trackable homework.

Examples of Quenza’s ready-to-use science-based activities include the following:

Wheel of Life

The Wheel of Life is a valuable tool for identifying and reflecting on a client’s satisfaction with life.

You can find the worksheet in the Positive Psychology Toolkit© , and it is also included in the Quenza library. The client scores themselves between 1 and 10 on specific life domains (the therapist can tailor the domains), including relationships, career development, and leisure time.

This is an active exercise to engage the client early on in therapy to reflect on their current and potential life. What is it like now? How could it look?

The wheel identifies where there are differences between perceived balance and reality .

The deep insights it provides can provide valuable input and prioritization for goal setting.

The Private Garden: A Visualization for Stress Reduction

While stress is a normal part of life, it can become debilitating and interfere with our everyday lives, stopping us from reaching our life goals.

We may notice stress as worry, anxiety, and tension and resort to avoidant or harmful behaviors (e.g., abusing alcohol, smoking, comfort eating) to manage these feelings.

Visualization is simple but a powerful method for reducing physical and mental stress, especially when accompanied by breathing exercises.

The audio included within this assignment helps the listener visualize a place of safety and peace and provides a temporary respite from stressful situations.

20 Guidelines for Developing a Growth Mindset

Research into neuroplasticity has confirmed the ability of the adult brain to continue to change in adulthood and the corresponding capacity for people to develop and transform their mindsets (Dweck, 2017).

The 20 guidelines (included in our Toolkit and part of the Quenza library) and accompanying video explain our ability to change mentally and develop a growth mindset that includes accepting imperfection, leaning into challenges, continuing to learn, and seeing ‘failure’ as an opportunity for growth.

Adopting a growth mindset can help clients understand that our abilities and understanding are not fixed; we can develop them in ways we want with time and effort.

Self-Contract

Committing to change is accepted as an effective way to promote behavioral change – in health and beyond. When a client makes a contract with themselves, they explicitly state their intention to deliver on plans and short- and long-term goals.

Completing and signing such a self-contract (included in our Toolkit and part of the Quenza library) online can help people act on their commitment through recognizing and living by their values.

Not only that, the contract between the client and themselves can be motivational, building momentum and self-efficacy.

The contract can be automatically personalized to include the client’s name but also manually reworded as appropriate.

The client completes the form by restating their name and committing to a defined goal by a particular date, along with their reasons for doing so.

Realizing Long-Lasting Change by Setting Process Goals

We can help clients realize their goals by building supportive habits. Process goals – for example, eating healthily and exercising – require ongoing actions to be performed regularly.

Process goals (unlike end-state goals, such as saving up for a vacation) require long-lasting and continuous change that involves monitoring standards.

This tool (included in our Toolkit and part of the Quenza library) can help clients identify positive actions (rather than things to avoid) that they must carry out repeatedly to realize change.

We have many activities that can be used to help clients attending therapy for a wide variety of issues.

In this section, we consider homework ideas that can be used in couples therapy, family therapy, and supporting clients with depression and anxiety.

Couples therapy homework

Conflict is inevitable in most long-term relationships. Everyone has their idiosyncrasies and individual set of needs. The Marital Conflicts worksheet captures a list of situations in which conflicts arise, when they happen, and how clients feel when they are (un)resolved.

Family therapy homework

Families, like individuals, are susceptible to times of stress and disruptions because of life changes such as illness, caring for others, and job and financial insecurity.

Mind the Gap is a family therapy worksheet where a family makes decisions together to align with goals they aspire to. Mind the gap is a short exercise to align with values and improve engagement.

How holistic therapist Jelisa Glanton uses Quenza

Homework ideas for depression and anxiety: 3 Exercises

The following exercises are all valuable for helping clients with the effects of anxiety and depression.

Activity Schedule is a template assisting a client with scheduling and managing normal daily activities, especially important for those battling with depression.

Activity Menu is a related worksheet, allowing someone with depression to select from a range of normal activities and ideas, and add these to a schedule as goals for improvement.

The Pleasurable Activity Journal focus on activities the client used to find enjoyable. Feelings regarding these activities are journaled, to track recovery progress.

Practicing mindfulness is helpful for those experiencing depression (Shapiro, 2020). A regular gratitude practice can develop new neural pathways and create a more grateful, mindful disposition (Shapiro, 2020).

Each activity can be tailored to the client’s needs; shared as standalone exercises, worksheets, or questionnaires; or included within a care pathway.

A pathway is an automated and scheduled series of activities that can take the client through several stages of growth, including psychoeducation , assessment, and action to produce a behavioral change in a single journey.

How to build pathways

The creator can add two pathway titles. The second title is not necessary, but if entered, it is seen by the client in place of the first.

Once named, a series of steps can be created and reordered at any time, each containing an activity. Activities can be built from scratch, modified from existing ones in the library, or inserted as-is.

New activities can be created and used solely in this pathway or made available for others. They can contain various features, including long- and short-answer boxes, text boxes, multiple choice boxes, pictures, diagrams, and audio and video files.

Quenza can automatically deliver each step or activity in the pathway to the client following the previous one or after a certain number of days. Such timing is beneficial when the client needs to reflect on something before completing the next step.

Practitioners can also designate steps as required or optional before the client continues to the next one.

Practitioners can also add helpful notes not visible to the client. These comments can contain practical reminders of future changes or references to associated literature that the client does not need to see.

It is also possible to choose who can see client responses: the client and you, the client only, or the client decides.

Tags help categorize the pathway (e.g., by function, intended audience, or suggested timing within therapy) and can be used to filter what is displayed on the therapist’s pathway screen.

Once designed, the pathway can be saved as a draft or published and sent to the client. The client receives the notification of the new assignment either via email or the coaching app on their phone, tablet, or desktop.

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Success in therapy is heavily reliant on homework completion. The greater the compliance, the more likely the client is to have a better treatment outcome (Mausbach et al., 2010).

To improve the likelihood that clients engage with and complete the assignments provided, homework must be appropriate to their needs, have a sound rationale, and do the job intended (Beck, 2011).

Technology such as Quenza can make homework readily available on any device, anytime, from any location, and ensure it contains clear and concise psychoeducation and instructions for completion.

The therapist can easily create, copy, and tailor homework and, if necessary, combine multiple activities into single pathways. These are then shared with the click of a button. The client is immediately notified but can complete it at a time appropriate to them.

Quenza can also send automatic reminders about incomplete assignments to the client and highlight their status to the therapist. Not only that, but any resulting questions can be delivered securely to the therapist with no risk of getting lost in a busy email inbox.

Why not try the Quenza application? Try using some of the existing science-based activities or create your own. It offers an impressive array of functionality that will not only help you scale your business, but also ensure proactive, regular communication with your existing clients.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Psychology Exercises for free .

• Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond . Guilford Press.
• Dweck, C. S. (2017).  Mindset: The new psychology of success.  Robinson.
• Mausbach, B. T., Moore, R., Roesch, S., Cardenas, V., & Patterson, T. L. (2010). The relationship between homework compliance and therapy outcomes: An updated meta-analysis. Cognitive Therapy and Research , 34 (5), 429–438.
• Ribbers, A., & Waringa, A. (2015). E-coaching: Theory and practice for a new online approach to coaching . Routledge.
• Shapiro, S. L. (2020).  Rewire your mind: Discover the science and practice of mindfulness. Aster.
• Tang, W., & Kreindler, D. (2017). Supporting homework compliance in cognitive behavioural therapy: Essential features of mobile apps. JMIR Mental Health , 4 (2).

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Homework in Couple and Family Therapy

• Living reference work entry
• First Online: 03 April 2017
• Cite this living reference work entry

• Norman B. Epstein 4 &
• Frank M. Dattilio 5  

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Name of Concept

Introduction.

Homework assignments are broadly defined as planned therapeutic activities that are completed by the clients between sessions. They are used in a variety of couple and family therapy models, such as directives devised primarily by the therapist in strategic therapy (Rosen et al. 2015 ) or tasks that are designed collaboratively by therapist and clients during scheduled sessions in cognitive-behavioral therapy (Dattilio 2010 ; Dattilio and Epstein 2016 ; Epstein and Baucom 2007 ).

Theoretical Context for Homework

The use of homework tasks is based on an assumption that therapeutic changes initiated during sessions are more likely to lead to stable changes in clients’ daily lives when clients make efforts to implement them in vivo. Homework tasks can assist with the shaping, practice, reinforcement, and maintenance of skills learned in therapy sessions, with therapist monitoring of homework compliance serving as an index for...

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Benson, L. A., McGinn, M. M., & Christensen, A. (2012). Common principles of couple therapy. Behavior Therapy, 43 , 25–35.

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Dattilio, F. M. (2010). Cognitive-behavioral therapy with couples and families: A comprehensive guide for clinicians . New York: Guilford.

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Dattilio, F. M., & Epstein, N. B. (2016). Cognitive-behavioral couple and family therapy. In T. L. Sexton & J. Lebow (Eds.), Handbook of family therapy (pp. 89–119). New York: Routledge.

Dattilio, F. M., Kazantzis, N., Shinkfield, G., & Carr, A. (2011). Survey of homework use and barriers impeding homework completion in couples and family therapy. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 37 , 121–136.

Epstein, N. B., & Baucom, D. H. (2002). Enhanced cognitive-behavior therapy for couples: A contextual approach . Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

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Epstein, N. B., & Baucom, D. H. (2007). Couples. In N. Kazantzis & L. L’Abate (Eds.), Handbook of homework assignments in psychotherapy: Research, practice, and prevention (pp. 187–201). New York: Springer.

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Kazantzis, N., Deane, F. P., & Ronan, K. R. (2000). Homework assignments in cognitive and behavioral therapy: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 7 , 189–202.

Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2010). Fighting for your marriage . San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Rosen, K. H., Lechtenberg, M. M., & Stith, S. M. (2015). Strategic family therapy. In J. L. Wetchler & L. L. Hecker (Eds.), An introduction to marriage and family therapy (2nd ed., pp. 155–181). New York: Routledge.

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University of Maryland, 1142 School of Public Health, College Park, MD, 20742, USA

Norman B. Epstein

Harvard Medical School, Allentown, PA, USA

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Correspondence to Norman B. Epstein .

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The Family Institute at Northwestern, Evanston, Illinois, USA

Anthony Chambers

Douglas C. Breunlin

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California School of Professional Psychology, Alliant International University, Sacramento, CA, USA

Sean Davis Ph.D., LMFT

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Epstein, N.B., Dattilio, F.M. (2016). Homework in Couple and Family Therapy. In: Lebow, J., Chambers, A., Breunlin, D. (eds) Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-15877-8_563-1

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DOI : https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-15877-8_563-1

Received : 10 November 2016

Accepted : 29 November 2016

Published : 03 April 2017

Publisher Name : Springer, Cham

Print ISBN : 978-3-319-15877-8

Online ISBN : 978-3-319-15877-8

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