ap lang essay 2021

How to Write the AP Lang Argument Essay (With Example)

December 14, 2023

We’d like to let you in on a little secret: no one, including us, enjoys writing timed essays. But a little practice goes a long way. If you want to head into your AP English Exam with a cool head, you’ll want to know what you’re getting into ahead of time. We can’t promise the AP Lang Argument Essay will ever feel like an island vacation, but we do have tons of hand tips and tricks (plus a sample essay!) below to help you do your best. This article will cover: 1) What is the AP Lang Argumentative Essay? 2) AP Lang Argument Rubric 3) AP Lang Argument Sample Prompt 4) AP Lang Argument Essay Example 5) AP Lang Argument Essay Example: Answer Breakdown.

What is the AP Lang Argument Essay?

The AP Lang Argument Essay is one of three essays included in the written portion of the AP English Exam. The full AP English Exam is 3 hours and 15 minutes long, with the first 60 minutes dedicated to multiple-choice questions. Once you complete the multiple-choice section, you move on to three equally weighted essays that ask you to synthesize, analyze, and interpret texts and develop well-reasoned arguments. The three essays include:

Synthesis essay: You’ll review various pieces of evidence and then write an essay that synthesizes (aka combines and interprets) the evidence and presents a clear argument. Read our write-up on How to Write the AP Lang Synthesis Essay here.

Argumentative essay: You’ll take a stance on a specific topic and argue your case.

Rhetorical essay: You’ll read a provided passage, then analyze the author’s rhetorical choices and develop an argument that explains why the author made those rhetorical choices. Read our write-up on How to Write the AP Lang Rhetorical Essay here.

AP Lang Argument Essay Rubric

The AP Lang Argument Essay is graded on 3 rubric categories : Thesis, Evidence and Commentary, and Sophistication . How can you make sure you cover all three bases in your essay? We’ll break down each rubric category with dos and don’ts below:

• Thesis (0-1 point)

When it comes to grading your thesis, AP Exam graders are checking off a box: you either have a clear thesis or you don’t. So, what crucial components of a thesis will get you your check mark?

• Make sure your thesis argues something . To satisfy your graders, your thesis needs to take a clear stance on the issue at hand.
• Include your thesis statement in your intro paragraph. The AP Lang Argumentative essay is just that: an essay that makes an argument, so make sure you present your argument right away at the end of your first paragraph.
• A good test to see if you have a thesis that makes an argument for your AP Lang Argumentative Essay: In your head, add the phrase “I agree/disagree that…” to the beginning of your thesis. If what follows doesn’t logically flow after that phrase (aka if what follows isn’t an agreement or disagreement), it’s likely you’re not making an argument.
• In your thesis, outline the evidence you’ll cover in your body paragraphs.

AP Lang Argument Essay Rubric (Continued)

• Avoid a thesis that merely restates the prompt.
• Avoid a thesis that summarizes the text but does not make an argument.
• Avoid a thesis that weighs the pros and cons of an issue. Your job in your thesis is to pick a side and stick with it.
• Evidence and Commentary (0-4 points)

This rubric category is graded on a scale of 0-4 where 4 is the highest grade. Unlike the rhetorical and synthesis essays, the evidence you need to write your AP Lang Argument Essay is not provided to you. Rather, you’ll need to generate your own evidence and comment upon it.

What counts as evidence?

Typically, the AP Lang Argument Essay prompt asks you to reflect on a broad cultural, moral, or social issue that is open to debate. For evidence, you won’t be asked to memorize and cite statistics or facts. Rather, you’ll want to bring in real-world examples of:

• Historical events
• Current-day events from the news
• Personal anecdotes

For this essay, your graders know that you’re not able to do research to find the perfect evidence. What’s most important is that you find evidence that logically supports your argument.

What is commentary?

In this essay, it’s important to do more than just provide examples relevant evidence. After each piece of evidence you include, you’ll need to explain why it’s significant and how it connects to your main argument. The analysis you include after your evidence is commentary .

• Take a minute to brainstorm evidence that logically supports your argument. If you have to go out of your way to find the connection, it’s better to think of different evidence.
• Include multiple pieces of evidence. There is no magic number, but do make sure you incorporate more than a couple pieces of evidence that support your argument.
• Make sure you include more than one example of evidence, too. Let’s say you’re working on an essay that argues that people are always stronger together than apart. You’ve already included an example from history: during the civil rights era, protestors staged group sit-ins as a powerful form of peaceful protest. That’s just one example, and it’s hard to make a credible argument with just one piece of evidence. To fix that issue, think of additional examples from history, current events, or personal experience that are not related to the civil rights era.
• After you include each piece of evidence, explain why it’s significant and how it connects to your main argument.
• Don’t summarize or speak generally about the topic. Everything you write must be backed up with specific and relevant evidence and examples.
• Don’t let quotes speak for themselves. After every piece of evidence you include, make sure to explain and connect the evidence to your overarching argument.

AP Lang Argument Essay (Continued)

• Sophistication (0-1 point)

According to the College Board , one point can be awarded to AP Lang Argument essays that achieve a high level of sophistication. You can accomplish that in four ways:

• Crafting a nuanced argument by consistently identifying and exploring complexities or tensions.
• Articulating the implications or limitations of an argument by situating it within a broader context.
• Making effective rhetorical choices that consistently strengthen the force and impact of the student’s argument.
• Employing a style that is consistently vivid and persuasive.

In sum, this means you can earn an additional point for going above and beyond in depth, complexity of thought, or by writing an especially persuasive, clear, and well-structured essay. In order to earn this point, you’ll first need to do a good job with the fundamentals: your thesis, evidence, and commentary. Then, to earn your sophistication point, follow these tips:

• Outline your essay before you begin to ensure it flows in a clear and cohesive way.
• Include well-rounded evidence. Don’t rely entirely on personal anecdotes, for example. Incorporate examples from current events or history, as well.
• Thoroughly explain how each piece of evidence connects to your thesis in order to fully develop your argument.
• Explore broader implications. If what you’re arguing is true, what does that mean to us today? Who is impacted by this issue? What real-world issues are relevant to this core issue?
• Briefly explore the other side of the issue. Are the instances where your argument might not be true? Acknowledge the other side, then return to proving your original argument.
• Steer clear of generalizations (avoid words like “always” and “everyone”).
• Don’t choose an argument you can’t back up with relevant examples.
• Avoid complex sentences and fancy vocabulary words unless you use them often. Long, clunky sentences with imprecisely used words are hard to follow.

AP Lang Argument Sample Prompt

The sample prompt below is published online by the College Board and is a real example from the 2021 AP English Exam. The prompt provides background context, essay instructions, and the text you need to analyze.

Suggested time—40 minutes.

Many people spend long hours trying to achieve perfection in their personal or professional lives. Similarly, people often demand perfection from others, creating expectations that may be challenging to live up to. In contrast, some people think perfection is not attainable or desirable.

Write an essay that argues your position on the value of striving for perfection.

In your response you should do the following:

• Respond to the prompt with a thesis that presents a defensible position.
• Provide evidence to support your line of reasoning.
• Explain how the evidence supports your line of reasoning.
• Use appropriate grammar and punctuation in communicating your argument.

AP Lang Argument Essay Example

As the old phrase says, “Practice makes perfect.” But is perfection something that is actually attainable? Sometimes, pushing for perfection helps us achieve great things, but most often, perfectionism puts too much pressure on us and prevents us from knowing when we have done the best we can. Striving for perfection can only lead us to shortchange ourselves. Instead, we should value learning, growth, and creativity and not worry whether we are first or fifth best.

Students often feel the need to be perfect in their classes, and this can cause students to struggle or stop making an effort in class. In elementary and middle school, for example, I was very nervous about public speaking. When I had to give a speech, my voice would shake, and I would turn very red. My teachers always told me “relax!” and I got Bs on Cs on my speeches. As a result, I put more pressure on myself to do well, spending extra time making my speeches perfect and rehearsing late at night at home. But this pressure only made me more nervous, and I started getting stomach aches before speaking in public.

Once I got to high school, however, I started doing YouTube make-up tutorials with a friend. We made videos just for fun, and laughed when we made mistakes or said something silly. Only then, when I wasn’t striving to be perfect, did I get more comfortable with public speaking.

AP Lang Argumentative Essay Example (Continued)

In the world of art and business and science, perfectionism can also limit what we are able to achieve. Artists, for example, have to take risks and leave room for creativity. If artists strive for perfection, then they won’t be willing to fail at new experiments and their work will be less innovative and interesting. In business and science, many products, like penicillin for example, were discovered by accident. If the scientist who discovered penicillin mold growing on his petri dishes had gotten angry at his mistake and thrown the dishes away, he would never have discovered a medicine that is vital to us today.

Some fields do need to value perfection. We wouldn’t like it, for example, if our surgeon wasn’t striving for perfection during our operation. However, for most of us, perfectionism can limit our potential for learning and growth. Instead of trying to be perfect, we should strive to learn, innovate, and do our personal best.

AP Lang Argument Essay Example: Answer Breakdown

The sample AP Lang Argumentative Essay above has some strengths and some weaknesses. Overall, we would give this essay a 3 or a 4. Let’s break down what’s working and what could be improved:

• The essay offers a thesis that makes a clear argument that is relevant to the prompt: “Striving for perfection can only lead us to shortchange ourselves. Instead, we should value learning, growth, and creativity and not worry whether we are first or fifth best.”
• The first body paragraph provides evidence that supports the essay’s thesis. This student’s personal anecdote offers an example of a time when perfectionism led them to shortchange themselves.
• The second body paragraph provides additional evidence that supports the essay’s thesis. The example describing the discovery of penicillin offers another example of a situation in which perfectionism might have limited scientific progress.
• The writer offers commentary explaining how her examples of public speaking and penicillin illustrate that we should “value learning, growth, and creativity” over perfectionism.
• The essay follows one line of reasoning and does not stray into tangents.
• The essay is organized well with intro, body, and concluding paragraphs. Overall, it is easy to read and is free of grammar errors.

What could be improved:

• Although the second body paragraph provides one good specific example about the discovery of penicillin, the other examples it offers about art and business are only discussed generally and aren’t backed up with evidence. This paragraph would be stronger if it provided more examples. Or, if this writer couldn’t think of examples, they could have left out mentions of art and business altogether and included alternate evidence instead.
• This writer would more thoroughly support their argument if they were able to offer one more example of evidence. They could provide another personal anecdote, an example from history, or an example from current events.
• The writer briefly mentions the other side of the argument in their concluding paragraph: “Some fields do need to value perfection. We wouldn’t like it, for example, if our surgeon wasn’t striving for perfection during our operation.” Since it’s so brief a mention of the other side, it undermines the writer’s overall argument. This writer should either dedicate more time to reflecting on why even surgeons should “value learning, growth, and creativity” over perfectionism, or they should leave these sentences out.

AP Lang Argument Essay Example—More Resources

Looking for more tips to help you master your AP Lang Argumentative Essay? Brush up on 20 Rhetorical Devices High School Students Should Know and read our Tips for Improving Reading Comprehension .

If you’re ready to start studying for another part of the AP English Exam, find more expert tips in our How to Write the AP Lang Synthesis and How to Write the AP Lang Rhetorical Essay blog posts.

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Christina Wood

Christina Wood holds a BA in Literature & Writing from UC San Diego, an MFA in Creative Writing from Washington University in St. Louis, and is currently a Doctoral Candidate in English at the University of Georgia, where she teaches creative writing and first-year composition courses. Christina has published fiction and nonfiction in numerous publications, including The Paris Review , McSweeney’s , Granta , Virginia Quarterly Review , The Sewanee Review , Mississippi Review , and Puerto del Sol , among others. Her story “The Astronaut” won the 2018 Shirley Jackson Award for short fiction and received a “Distinguished Stories” mention in the 2019 Best American Short Stories anthology.

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Choose Your Test

Sat / act prep online guides and tips, every ap english language and composition practice exam.

Advanced Placement (AP)

With the AP English Language and Composition exam coming up, it's important to find the best practice resources, and that includes practice tests! The AP Language and Composition exam has two sections: a multiple-choice section with 45 questions, and a free-response section with three essay questions—one synthesis prompt, one analysis prompt, and one argument prompt.

But not all AP Lang practice tests are like the real exam, and they aren't all of equal quality. In this guide, I'll break down where you can find official College Board AP Language and Composition practice test resources, other free resources out there, and paid practice tests and questions. I'll also break down which resources are high-quality and how to best incorporate AP English practice tests into your exam preparation.

A Note on Exam Updates

In 2019, the College Board announced updates to the AP English Language exam . The free-response section stayed the same, although there were some changes to how the essays will be scored .

For the multiple-choice section, there are now only 45 questions instead of roughly 55. Passages are also shorter, and there is a new question type, called "composition questions." They make up roughly half of the questions on multiple choice and test students on their ability to "read like a writer" and properly revise texts. Vocabulary-in-context questions and identification questions no longer appear on the exam. ( To learn more about different AP Language question types, check out our guide .)

So what does this mean for you? Unfortunately, it means that any AP Language practice resource created before 2019 is out of date. However, that doesn't mean they still aren't valuable resources. Free-response prompts and passages remain the same. When using older multiple-choice resources, stop answering questions after 45 questions and skip any vocab-in-context and identification questions you see.

Official Practice Resources

The best practice test resources come from the College Board. This is because they are the ones who create and administer all AP exams, including AP Lang and Comp, so their materials are the closest to the real, actual questions you will be seeing on test day!

If you practice with material that's close to the actual exam, you'll feel more comfortable when you are actually taking the test. Therefore, when possible, it's best to use College Board materials. However, it's worth noting that official resources for AP Language and Composition are a little bit sparse, especially when compared to the AP Literature exam.

There are, in general, three resources that the College Board offers for any given AP exam: complete released exams, released free-response questions from previous years, and sample questions from the " AP Course and Exam Description. "

Complete Released Exams

Unfortunately, the College Board doesn't appear to have released any official complete AP English Language and Composition practice exams, so I have nothing to link to here. However, you might be able to find at least one entire past exam by Googling "AP Language complete released exam" or similar variations on that. Make sure any AP Language and Composition released exams you get this way have answer keys, though!

You might also ask your AP teacher if she has any copies of old AP exams you can use for practice. AP teachers can purchase past exams from the College Board that students don't have access to. She may not be able to let you take them home, but even then you could be allowed to use them in a supervised setting.

Released Free-Response Questions

The College Board has posted years and years worth of past AP Language and Composition free-response questions that are at your disposal for practice purposes. However, only the tests from 2007-onward include the same three question types that are on the test currently. (And again remember that the rubrics for grading these questions have changed, even though the questions themselves haven't.) Earlier tests include two rhetorical analysis questions instead of a synthesis question.

Sample Questions From the " AP Course and Exam Description "

Beginning on page 115, the AP Course and Exam description for AP Language and composition includes 17 multiple-choice questions and three free-response prompts: one synthesis prompt, one analysis prompt, and one argument prompt. As mentioned above, this is the only current source of official practice questions for the new "composition" question type, so make sure to check this resource out!

Put them in your question bank!

Free Unofficial Resources

Outside of the College Board, there are lots of sites offering free practice questions for the AP Language and Comp exam. But which ones will actually help you? Since anyone can slap together a few questions and call it an "AP Language and Composition Practice Test," how do you sort the wheat from the chaff?

I've combed through tons of free resources so you don't have to! Presented in order of quality, from best to worst, here's my list of all the free AP Language practice tests and quizzes I could find out there. 

College Countdown Complete AP Language Practice Test

College Countdown offers a nearly-complete unofficial practice test, essays and all. While the exact wording of the multiple-choice questions isn't exactly the same as on a real AP exam, the tasks are very similar and the passages are well-selected. The essays are solid examples of the AP essay prompt style, although you could also substitute the unofficial free-response section for an official past free-response question if you wanted to make the experience even closer to a real AP. Also, there are robust answer explanations. This is an especially good resource given that there isn't an official College Board-released exam for this test.

High School Test Prep AP Language Practice Tests

High School Test Prep offers four short practice tests, each offering questions about a given nonfiction passage. The question style is definitely different from that of true AP questions; like the Albert questions below, they are written in a more stylistically simplistic way. Also note that these practice tests haven't been updated for the current version of the exam.

The ratio of questions about the passage overall versus specific moments in the passage is weighted much more heavily towards overall passage questions than the real AP exam. However, these are still decent rhetorical analysis practice questions, and this resource is an especially good choice if you find yourself struggling with identifying the major themes and arguments of passages overall.

Varsity Tutors AP English Practice Tests

Varsity Tutors offers very short, skill-specific quizzes. The questions don't sound all that much like AP questions, and every question asks about a different short passage, which is a little bit bizarre and inefficient. Additionally, not all of the specific skills they offer quizzes in are super-relevant to AP Language (e.g. "Motives and goals of characters"). However, if you feel like there are very specific rhetorical techniques you are confused about, taking some of the quizzes here could be a good study strategy. If you want to track your scores, you can make a free account with Varsity Tutors, but it's not necessary to be able to access the quizzes.

4tests.com AP English Language Exam

This site offers a 38-question AP English Language and Composition practice exam. The questions are somewhat overly basic and passages are not particularly similar in style or content to actual AP Language passages, though. Additionally, the interface is a little bit clunky. I would only use these if you desperately need some extra, very basic rhetorical analysis practice. (It's also not updated for the newest version of the exam.)

Crack AP English Language Tests

Crack AP has a plethora of AP English Language "tests" (that are actually short quizzes), however; we don't recommend them as a resource to use. They're based on outdated versions of the AP exam and don't cover many of the skills you'll actually see on the AP test. Feel free to skip this resource.

Clunky like a retro calculator.

Paid Unofficial Resources

If you need even more practice, there are also paid unofficial practice test resources available.

Albert AP English Language Practice

Albert offers a large number of mini-quizzes on analyzing the rhetoric of various notable nonfiction passages. Some of their questions don't match the tone of actual AP Lang questions, but they are one of the few resources to have practice composition questions. You need to create an account to use this resource, and while some questions you can access for free, for others you need a paid subscription.

Review Books

Review books usually contain one or more complete practice tests and are a great resource when you run out of free resources. Not all review books are equally high-quality, though—be sure to look at reviews (and check out the questions by flipping through the book at the bookstore if you can, to see how similar they are to actual AP questions). As a starting place, Barron's and the Princeton Review both generally offer high-quality AP review books.

Peterson's AP Practice Tests

A plan costs roughly $50 a month for access to all of Peterson's resources. For AP English Language, they have two practice tests. I couldn't find much information or reviews as to the quality of the material, though, so this is a bit of a gamble. You'd likely be better off buying a well-reviewed review book with practice tests.

How to Use Practice Resources in Your Exam Prep

How to best use practice resources as you study depends a lot on what kind of practice material you are using. I'll review how to make the most of different types of resources here.

Complete Practice Exams (Official and Maybe Unofficial)

The best way to use complete practice tests is to do full timed practice-runs for exam day. Bring a clock, a timer, and a hefty supply of pencils into a quiet room and have at it! A practice-run will help you to feel more comfortable when it's time to take the exam for real in May.

If you have access to multiple practice tests, you can even take complete tests at different times in the studying process to see how you've improved and what you still need to work on. When you do take practice tests, it can be helpful to get someone else to help grade your free-response essays based on the rubric.

You should aim to take your first full-length practice test around the beginning of your second semester. Normally I advise to only use official College Board practice tests for this, but since easily accessible complete official exams for the AP Language and Composition exam are sparse, you may want to supplement with the practice test from College Countdown linked to above.

Official College Board Practice Free-Response and Sample Questions

Released free-response questions from past years are best for practicing specifically for the free-response section in a targeted way. You can work on the prompt types that you find the most difficult or practice outlining essays in a certain amount of time, or writing all three essays in 120 minutes.

If you don't use the Course and Exam Description as a practice test, the multiple choice questions are great targeted practice for the first section of the text. It will help you get familiar with the College Board's question style and work on your rhetorical close-reading.

Unofficial Practice Quizzes and Questions

Unofficial practice quizzes and questions just aren't going to be as much like the real AP exam as College Board materials. However, while they aren't as helpful for prepping for the exam format or question styles, they are still good practice for building your rhetorical analysis skills, which is critical for the exam. High-quality unofficial resources are definitely worth your time.

Building rhetorical analysis skills: more complicated than building with blocks.

Key Takeaways

Practice tests are a key AP prep resource. The best resources come from the College Board, but unfortunately, official College Board resources for AP Language and Composition are a little bit sparse as compared to some other AP exams. However, there are also tons of unofficial resources, and some are high-quality. Most are free, but a few are paid.

Once you have your resources assembled, you might not be sure how to use them. Complete practice tests are best for mimicking the experience of the actual exam, sample Official questions are best for targeted section practice, and unofficial practice tests are best for rhetorical analysis skill-building.

You're ready to practice your way to AP success!

What's Next?

We also have complete practice test lists for AP Literature , AP US History , AP Chemistry , AP Biology , AP Psychology , and AP World History . Or see our guide to finding the best AP practice tests for any exam .

Taking the AP Literature exam? See our ultimate guide to AP Literature . for everything you need to know to ace this test.

Wondering if you should be trying for a perfect AP score ? See how difficult it is to score a 5 and the best tips to get you there!

Ellen has extensive education mentorship experience and is deeply committed to helping students succeed in all areas of life. She received a BA from Harvard in Folklore and Mythology and is currently pursuing graduate studies at Columbia University.

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AP English Language and Composition Practice Tests

The new AP English Language and Composition Exam is 3 hours and 15 minutes long and broken up into two sections.

Section I: One hour (45 percent of total score)

50–60 multiple-choice questions about several nonfiction prose passages

Section II: Two hours and 15 minutes

Three essays (55 percent of total score)

Essay 1: an argument for or against an idea presented in a short passage incorporating provided published sources

Essay 2: an analysis of a prose passage

Essay 3: an essay commenting on the validity of an opinion expressed in a statement or short passage

AP English Language and Composition Glossary

If you are a mobile user, click here: Do AP English Language and Composition Practice Questions .

AP English Language and Composition Multiple-Choice Practice Tests

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AP English Language and Composition Free-Response Practice Tests

• AP English Language and Composition Free-Response Practice Test 1
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AP English Language and Composition Downloads

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• AP English Language and Composition Knowledge Review: Analysis
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AP Lang Rhetorical Analysis Essay Practice

35 min read • february 2, 2021

Rhetorical Analysis practice is one of the most important ways to prepare for the exam! Review student writing practice samples and corresponding feedback from TA Brandon Wu! While you don't need to memorize every rhetorical device for the exam, you should take some time to familiarize yourself with them. To help out, we created this list of 40 rhetorical devices for AP Lang!

The Rhetorical Analysis Practice Prompt

Use the image below to answer the following questions:

In your response, make sure to include:

• A thesis statement or claim that addresses the prompt
• 1-2 body paragraphs  with specific evidence & commentary (how many devices or sentences of commentary is up to you)
• Elements of sophistication - Significance/relevance of rhetorical choices (“SOC”) and/or Purpose of complexities or tensions (“POC”)

Writing Samples & Feedback

Short essay practice submission 1.

As a sole female ruler of a growing and powerful nation during the fourteenth century, Queen Elizabeth I faced the hesitance of rulers and a people who doubted in her ability to overcome the weakness of her femininity and rule her nation to prosperity. In order to establish her power and the prove her worth as successful leader, Elizabeth I creates a tone of loyalty and confidence that serves to persuade her subjects that she is the ruler they deserve and need. In order to maintain her position as queen, Elizabeth uses comparisons and assertive diction throughout her “Speech to the Troops at Tilbury.”

As a ruler, Elizabeth I must establish a sense of loyalty between herself and her people. In order to achieve this common ground of trust, Elizabeth “assures” her people that she knows she has the characteristics of a leader she needs to "be [the people’s] general. and protect them. Through her use of assertive diction, Elizabeth is guaranteeing her people that this victory was not a fluke and she is the ruler they need. If they decide to remove her from her throne, they will suffer because they will not longer have her vigorous loyal devotion to protect them. She compares herself to a general in order to prove to her people that her loyalty is sincere. Although a “feeble woman”, she has the strength of a general to overcome the weakness of her feminine side to be the king that the people deserve.

While proving herself to be a loyal leader is important, Elizabeth also takes into account that she must be a confident leader who believes in her people’s and own ability to be victorious. In her speech, she claims herself to “know” the strengths of her soul and weaknesses of her body. She recognizes that she may not be the strongest, allowing for a sincerity to shine that establishes trust, but she believes so strongly in the cause of Britain, has so much confidence in their inevitable success, that she is willing to take up arms herself and fight. She creates a sense of courage and valor that is not common in a women and further convinces her subjects that she has the soul of a confident king who can lead them well. Without asserting her knowledge of weakness and confidence in her abilities to overcome those weaknesses, Elizabeth could not reasonably convince her subjects that she was a good leader. Without addressing the aspects of her nature that could make her feeble, her confidence could not shine in the persuasive way it did in this speech.

TA Feedback

Thesis - 1 point. I think you definitely include a defensible thesis and answer the prompt adequately by talking about Queen Elizabeth’s purpose. Great job with context in the intro paragraph!

Evidence & Commentary - 3 points. Great embedding of evidence throughout this first body paragraph. I really like your analysis about Elizabeth’s loyal devotion; it shows that you aren’t summarizing! What’s keeping you from the fourth point here in my opinion is that to get four points in E&C, College Board says that you should “Explain how multiple rhetorical choices in the passage contribute to the writer’s argument, purpose, or message” and while it does provide a caveat that “the response may observe multiple instances of the same rhetorical choice if each instance further contributes to the argument, purpose, or message of the passage.” However, I think your representation of diction and tone in the last paragraph does not quite meet that threshold of “further contributing” to the argument, purpose, or message, given the similar commentary. For instance, you say that Elizabeth has the strength of a general to “overcome the weakness of her feminine side” and sort of repeat that later on when you say she creates a “sense of courage and valor that is not common in a woman”. I feel like both of your body paragraphs sort of link to the same argument you make that she is strong, confident, and will fight for Britain. While this is typically something that is good (linking back to a central thesis), unfortunately, your two body paragraphs reference the  same literary device  (diction) and thus you earn only three points. My advice is to look for other literary devices, such as perhaps an appeal to emotion (live and die amongst you all) or an appeal to authority (under God/references to religious authority). Having multiple devices compared to multiple instances of the same device with accompanying analysis that links the appeals to emotion/religious authority to your thesis (loyalty/confidence) would have likely earned you the fourth point.

Sophistication - 0 points. I think there isn’t enough consistency here to grant you sophistication. While you do mention the hesitance of rulers and people who doubted in the ability of her femininity as context, your references the two other times (although a “feeble woman” & "creates a sense of courage and valor that is not common in a woman) don’t really demonstrate how you are  explaining the significance or relevance of the writer’s rhetorical choices given the rhetorical situation . They also seem kind of contradictory to me (is she feeble or is she courageous?) Think of the Madeline Albright student sample where it brings up the thematic idea of how women could do things in the broader context (seek out problems and fix them); I feel like your references to context seem to just be in the realm of Elizabeth’s leadership when they should have been more of a reference to women’s role in society as a whole.

Overall Score : 4/6 - Great job!

Short Essay Practice Submission 2

Queen Elizabeth showed herself as a strong leader during the threat of the Spanish Armada, taking over England, a major country, in 1588. As she addresses the land forces at TIlbury she reminds them that they need to trust her, and they shouldn’t fear. She enforces the trust by saying that she will place her life in danger, by being a general, if the Spanish Armada succeeds in attacking England. While saying this she is conveying that even though England is being threatened and a very significant event in world history could happen, the land forces should not fear because even though she is a woman she still has,”the heart and stomach of a king”.

At the beginning of Queen Elizabeth’s speech she recognizes the call from some people that she and other individuals holding a high office should be very careful of their safety. She disagrees with this thought because she is one with the people. By specifically telling the land forces, in Tilbury, she is empowering them by not giving up and retreating to a safer place, just because she is a queen. This gives the forces lots of strength because they know that their queen has their back and will not lose hope in the country or them. This trust alongside military power is what allowed the forces to defeat the biggest world power, of the time.

These empowering speeches are given all the time by world leaders in times of crisis. While the Covid pandemic may not be a battle like the land forces had with the Spanish Armada, it is a battle because people are fearing that the way of life they know will be taken away from them. To quell the fear of all battles or pandemics leaders will give speeches, or press conferences in modern day, it also helps their re-election if they showed strength during crisis. Another way Queen Elizabeth specifically empowers the land forces during their crisis is by saying that she will be their general if the Spanish Armada do gain control of English land. When she does this she immediately makes the country feel much more comfortable in that their queen will not leave them, even if her own city is invaded. This gives not just hope to the land forces they may have to directly battle the Spanish Armada but also the common citizens whose homes could be destroyed and families killed by warfare. This is very important because, as we saw with the Vietnam War in 1970, if the citizens don’t back the war it is very unlikely that you will win because it is the citizens who have to fight and produce warfare materials.

In conclusion, even though Queen Elizabeth was a woman she had the grit and determination of a man. This significantly helped the land forces respond to the strongest world power of the time. As she addresses the land forces at Tilbury she reminds them that they need to trust her, and they shouldn’t fear. She enforces the trust by saying that she will place her life in danger, by being a general, if the Spanish Armada succeeds in attacking England. While saying this she is conveying that even though England is being threatened and a very significant event in world history could happen, the land forces should not fear because even though she is a woman she still has, ”the heart and stomach of a king”.

Thesis - 1 point - I couldn’t find your thesis in the intro, so I ended up going to the conclusion. I honestly think it is much better to have your thesis as the  last sentence of your intro paragraph . Your introduction paragraph feels much more like a summary of what happened in the speech as opposed to a  rhetorical analysis  of how she used devices to help achieve her purpose. This does get answered though in the conclusion, but I would advise you to have an explicit thesis in the introduction.

Evidence & Commentary - 2 points - Your evidence is pretty general, but at times it is specific which connects to your thesis of how Queen Elizabeth was helping support the land forces and demonstrating her grit and determination. To increase your evidence & commentary score, I would highly recommend you quote (use embedded quotes) rather than paraphrase to help create a line of reasoning (which is how your argument flows / the structure of your thesis & body paragraphs). Moreover, I think you need to be answering why the author used the specific rhetorical device & how it specifically contributes to the author’s purpose. Using words to guide the AP reader like “this supports the author’s purpose…” will help you here.

Sophistication - 0 Points - While I think you do a great job bringing in outside context and talking about pandemics/re-elections, I think you need to be very careful here with how you incorporate sophistication. Remember, SOC = significance (or relevance) of the writer’s rhetorical choices in the  context of the rhetorical situation , and it seems that you are moreso talking about  other rhetorical situations  (Vietnam War, COVID, etc.). Also, I’m not very clear as to which rhetorical devices/techniques you’re talking about (details? diction? imagery? what kind of diction?) so I don’t think I can give you sophistication here.

Overall Score - 3 Points. I think this is an instance where it is definitely more important to work on evidence & commentary and find specific evidence of  rhetorical techniques and devices  to support your overarching thesis statement; then you can work on sophistication and talking about the significance/relevance of such rhetorical devices.

Short Essay Practice Submission 3

Ruler of England, Queen Elizabeth I, in her speech to the troops of tilbury, addresses the land forces during a threat of invasion by the Spanish Armada. Queen Elizabeth I purpose is to convince the Troops of Tilbury to stand by her side during the threat of invasion by the Spanish Armada and fight with her. Queen Elizabeth I, establishes her purpose through the application of diction, and the repetition of the word I. Queen Elizabeth I begins her speech by stating, “My loving people.” Starting the speech off like this, Queen Elizabeth I is creating a bond with the audience, she is implying that she cares for her people and stands by them. Queen Elizabeth I emphasizes the fight for her England as she applies strong diction to engender patriotism from the soldiers. She states “Your valor in the field, we shall shortly have a famous victory over those enemies of God, of my kingdom, and of my people.” Here Queen Elizabeth is utilizing the soldier’s sense of patriotism for their country to convince them to fight. “Valor” and “Victory” inspire the soldier to fight for their country and gives them a sense of purpose to fight for what is right. Queen Elizabeth establishes her reasoning through the repetition of the word “I.” Queen Elizabeth begins by stating, “I know that I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman,” by calling her self “weak” and “feeble” Queen Elizabeth is setting up a counterargument to defend herself because she knows that this is how many of the following troops see her. She is stating the thoughts of many and then counteracts it by stating, “I have the heart and stomach of a king, and of a King of England.” Queen Elizabeth is establishing her status to the troops, as well as establishing her credibility. When Elizabeth states, “I Myself will take up arms, I myself will be your general…” She is implying that she is no different from her. She is emphasizing that if she is willing to fight for her country, then they should stand by herself and fight with her. In her speech, Queen Elizabeth is inspiring a sense of patriotism and hope to influence the Troops to protect England from Spain. Queen Elizabeth doesn’t speak to the Soldiers as if she was a queen, but she speaks to them like a friend. She tugs on their sense of patriotism to achieve her purpose of convincing the troops of Tilbury to fight against the Spanish Armada. She applies the rhetorical devices of diction and repetition to imply her purpose to the people around her.

Thesis - 1 Point - I love your explicit mention of Queen Elizabeth’s purpose and the rhetorical devices you emphasize. Make sure though that you specify what the diction is - every author has an application of diction, but include an adjective before to describe  what the diction is (emotional? nostalgic? uplifting? etc) . Evidence & Commentary - 4 Points - I think you do a very good job at analyzing the strong diction and anaphora (repetition of beginning words) and linking this to your thesis. Thus, I would give you four points for your  consistent commentary  in addition to your specific evidence.

Sophistication - 0 Points - There isn’t necessarily discussion here of the significance/relevance of the rhetorical choices Queen Elizabeth made nor is there a discussion of complexities/tensions. I don’t think I am a fair judge of ‘excellent prose style’, so thus I can’t really reward points on that metric.

Great job overall with a 5/6 on this rhetorical analysis essay!

Short Essay Practice Submission 4

Queen Elizabeth I faced many challenges throughout her reign, but by far the largest was her ongoing battle with the Spanish Armada. In 1588, Queen Elizabeth was awaiting an impending attack from the Armada and needed to rally her citizens to fight against something much bigger and much stronger than themselves. By abating her audience’s concerns about her gender and raising the spirits of the soldiers, Queen Elizabeth I unites the British people under a common goal of defeating the Spanish Armada.

In her speech, Queen Elizabeth tackles the stigma of her womanliness to display herself as a powerful leader that will fight hand-in-hand with the country’s front lines. She begins by saying “I know I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman; but I have the heart and stomach of a king, and a king of England too,…”. Here, Queen Elizabeth is being open with her audience and acknowledging her physical weaknesses while displaying her determination and passion for her country. Her direct reference to herself as having qualities of a king of England puts the listener’s worries at bay, as the kings in the past have been strong and capable of creating the large British empire that ruled during that time. Queen Elizabeth elaborates even further on her obligation to her country, saying that “[any country] should dare to invade the borders of my realm… I myself will take up arms, I myself will be your general, judge, and rewarder of every one of your virtues in the field.” Though she is a woman, Queen Elizabeth’s determination and passion shines through and erases the worries of her gender. By not ignoring her gender and weaknesses, she is building credibility with the listeners and making herself more trustworthy. Britain could be facing a dark time ahead, and her words calm the listener and give them confidence and pride in their country, something that is necessary when fighting an army that is much more powerful than theirs.

Queen Elizabeth also raises the spirits of the soldiers and citizens in several ways. Near the beginning of her speech, Queen Elizabeth assures her people that she has “placed [her] chiefest strength and safeguard in the loyal hearts and good-will of [her] subjects”. This is important, as committing to fight a much mightier army without complete support from a noble leader would be demoralizing to the members fighting. Another way that Queen Elizabeth lifts the morale of her citizens is by promising pay: “We do assure you in the word of a prince, [rewards and crowns] should be duly paid you.” If Queen Elizabeth had not done this, she would be left with many unmotivated soldiers who needed this money from the Crown to support their families. To conclude her speech, she with the most confident line yet: “we shall shortly have a famous victory over those enemies of my God, of my kingdom, and of my people.” With this line, Queen Elizabeth evokes the listeners’ emotions because of her references to personal ideas such as religion and patriotism, thus showing the reasons why she is willing to fight the battle as the underdog.

For many soldiers that had been fighting without pay and were scared by the sheer power of the Spanish Armada, Queen Elizabeth put their concerns aside and allowed soldiers to fight without other worries. She also gives other British citizens (non-soldiers) a reason to support a fight that seemed impossible to be won by the British if analyzed by the size of the armed forces. However, Queen Elizabeth was right: this fight is not about quantity of forces, but about heart. And by making her subjects sympathize with this belief, Queen Elizabeth successfully rallied her people and defeated the Spanish Armada.

Great job with the thesis point here - very explicit at the end of the introduction paragraph that tells me what the author’s purpose is and Queen Elizabeth’s rhetorical choices. In your evidence & commentary paragraphs, you did a great job of mentioning Queen Elizabeth’s gender and how she built credibility. I really enjoy your line of reasoning here in the second body paragraph while you mention her lifting morale and how she was able to motivate people. For sophistication, I think you do mention context “kings in the past have been strong and capable of creating the large British empire” and your analysis of how soldiers and non-soldiers alike were impacted (tied to your rhetorical devices) gives you credence to earn the sophistication point under the “significance or relevance of rhetorical choices” category. Great job on the 6/6 essay!

Short Essay Practice Submission 5

In 1588, Queen Elizabeth faced one of the most imminent threats of her career: the invasion by the Spanish Armada. Elizabeth had the task of not only rallying up her forces but also ensuring that they place trust in her and her plans to come out of the threat victorious. In order to increase confidence in her troops and cast aside their doubts of having a woman leader during this time of male domination, Elizabeth emphasizes that she will be making sacrifices alongside her troops to make and acknowledges and rebuttals her downsides that were associated with having a female leader at the time.

In the first two sentences, Elizabeth expresses her trust in her troops, saying “I have placed my chiefest strength and safeguard in the loyal hearts and good-will of my subjects”. These words of encouragement aid in pulling together the army as one; the leader has faith in them, so they should have faith in themselves. She continues on to say that she comes as a leader ready “to live and die amongst you all”, and lay down her body for her “God”, “kingdom”, and “people”. This is exactly what she is encouraging her troops to do: give everything they have to ensure the safety of their country and the victory during her war. As a fighter, you want to hear that your leader is in the fight with you, and that you are not alone. It holds even more weight as a woman leader, as women did not fight during that time period. If a woman, dainty and proper, is willing and pledging to lay down her life, the army is left with the thought that they are expected and must be capable of doing the same. This also serves as a warning sign for anyone who should “dare to invade the borders of [her] realm”; she is increasing the esteem of her army, making them a stronger threat, and is warning them that while she may be a woman, she is adept and strong enough to lead a country and mobilize a strong response.

In the next sentence, Elizabeth takes the argument that she is a “feeble woman” who is not expected to nor capable of leading an army of men head-on. She responds saying, “I have the heart and stomach of a king, and of a king of England too”. By equating herself to the previous successful English kings, she is emphasizing the fact that while she may be a woman, she is just as mentally strong as any other successful ruler that preceded her. She wants the army to trust her, just as they had placed trust in King Henry and King Edward years prior. Not only is she increasing her troop’s trust in herself by underscoring her mental toughness, but she is also being open with her troops by acknowledging her perceived downsides as a woman ruler. Despite her being a woman, she will do the best she can to have “a famous victory over those enemies”. And, this statement serves as a “heads-up” for foreign invaders as well–She is strong, she is capable, and she is ready to fight, regardless of her gender.

Good job here with the the thesis - I would include something along the lines of “Elizabeth uses rhetorical devices and techniques to emphasize…” in order to help your essay flow later. Still, you aren’t restating the prompt and answering with something that can be proven by evidence, so you earn the thesis point. For evidence & commentary, I think you have great analysis about women during that time period and how she is “increasing the esteem of her army”. Moreover, I appreciate your analysis of King Henry and King Edward adding some useful context. Ultimately though, I feel as if you are really only talking about diction in these two paragraphs and College Board says that you need to mention  more than one rhetorical device  (with the caveat that I mentioned in Perla’s post). Thus, I think you earn 3 points here in evidence & commentary.

In terms of sophistication, I’m a bit borderline on this, but I’ll award it to you because I think you do mention multiple times (and incorporate it into your argument) that women during that time period didn’t really have leading positions and she demonstrated her committed leadership both in your second and third paragraph. So in total, you earned five out of six points!

There is something that every country needs to be successful: a great leader. A great leader is not just someone who makes the decisions, a great leader respects their people. A great leader loves their people. A great leader inspires their people. Queen Elizabeth I proves that she is a great leader during her speech to her land forces in 1588. There was a threat of invasion by the Spanish Armada and Queen Elizabeths duty as a leader was to make sure that this invasion does not happen. By establishing a sense of trust with her people and appealing to her audiences patriotism, Elizabeth successfully inspires her people which provokes them to fight for their country with their whole heart.

Queen Elizabeth opens up her speech with an compassionate tone, which helps her establish a sense of loyalty with her people. Her first words were “My loving people” which provokes emotion from her audience. She continues to express that she “does not desire to live to distrust my faithful and loving people.” This continues to establish a sense of trust between her and her audience. She also goes on to say that she will “live and die amongst you all; to lay down for my God, and for my kingdom, my honor and my blood, even the dust.” By sharing that she will stand by her people no matter what, her audience can clearly see how loyal Queen Elizabeth was and how much she loved her people. Queen Elizabeth’s tone and her affectionate word choice towards her people, gave her audience someone to trust during this scary and unknown time, which proves that she was a great leader overall.

After establishing a sense of trust, Queen Elizabeth now focuses on her power and shifts into a more urgent and patriotic tone in order to inspire her people and army to protect England with all they have. She acknowledges that she has “the body but of a weak and feeble woman” but she also highlights that she has the “heart and stomach of a king.” This imagery provokes her audience to see outside of her gender and more into how much she loves her people and how far she will go to protect them. She continues with a forceful tone, claiming that if any prince “should dare invade the borders of my realm”, she herself “will take up arms”. By revealing that she is one with them in this battle, Queen Elizabeth inspires her army to do the same. She ends her speech by claiming that “we shall shortly have a famous victory,” which identifies how confident she is that they will win. Queen Elizabeths powerful use of imagery and tone at the end of her speech, arouses the audience and gives them a sense of duty to England. She proves that she is a exemplary leader again when she successfully conveys that she is not just the queen of England, she is also a soldier for her country.

Queen Elizabeths passionate speech for her country demonstrated she was a great leader. During her time, it was men who dominated society, but she was the one who bought England into its Golden Age, not a man. She had to convince her country, that even as a woman, she was going to bring victory to England. She crafted her speech with passion and inspiration in order to convey that she loved her people and that she was ready to do anything to prevent the threat of the Europe Prince as well as provoke a sense of patriotism and trust. During this threat, Queen Elizabeth proved that she was a great leader, and because of that, England was able to rise.

Good thesis! I would maybe briefly mention rhetorical devices “Elizabeth successfully inspires her people using rhetorical devices…” to tie in to the prompt more specifically and “respond to it” persay. If your teacher told you to write it as you have written it here, then just keep writing as you have been  I think your reference of a tone shift and imagery coupled with strong analysis of Queen Elizabeth’s loyalty and inspiration of army contributes to a strong line of reasoning and therefore I think you earn four points on evidence & commentary. Make sure Queen Elizabeth's has an apostrophe 

Good job with the conclusion that brings in relevance of her rhetorical choices, something that I think you also tie in throughout the essay (“proves that she is a[n] exemplary leader again”). Fantastic 6 / 6 essay!

Short Essay Practice Submission 6

As a female ruler of the time, Queen Elizabeth I broke established societal rules for women and was able to successfully rule and protect England during difficult times. She united the nation through her speech and assured them they would be protected by their country. Through the use of anaphora and juxtaposition, Queen Elizabeth I was able to unite and grant confidence in England under her subjects.

The possessive pronoun “my”, takes responsibility for the actions and the influence of the speaker. Here, Queen Elizabeth I uses “my” repetitively in the same sentence as a form of anaphora. She says, “to lay down for my God, my kingdom, and my people, my honour and my blood.” As a ruler, these would be Queen Elizabeth I’s, yet the use of anaphora also emphasizes each of these things. Putting her kingdom and her people after God but before her honor and blood show that their safety is almost more important to God in her eyes and their harm would, therefore, affect her honor. She also may be implying that she is instilling the power and influence of God himself, as Queen Elizabeth I was Protestant. Through this, she can provide deeper confidence toward her subjects, showing she will protect them through God and her power no matter what, or else it will deeply transform her. Queen Elizabeth I was emphasizing personal responsibility as if her belongings and identities themselves had a responsibility in the protection of her subjects whom she needed to establish trust with. Queen Elizabeth I also uses anaphora with “my” when she concludes her speech, saying “of my God, of my kingdom, and of my people.” Queen Elizabeth I is ensuring to her subjects that through the influence of her identities and possessions, England and its subjects will be successful in the Spanish Armada as they eventually were. Again, repeating “my” emphasizes that she will put all she can towards defeating Spain and protecting her people and their religion. As Spain was trying to bring Catholicism, Queen Elizabeth I wanted to protect the Protestant church in England. This is also why she emphasizes God being hers, not the Catholic God, and the beliefs of the Catholic church. With many subjects also being Protestant, this would have been a strong appeal of support, which was Queen Elizabeth I’s ultimate goal of the speech. The use of “my” also separates herself from the “majestic plural” of “our” which would have also been used to refer to herself. This again places a deeper sense of personal responsibility onto Queen Elizabeth I. While “we” may seem simple, it ultimately can possess a significant load of power in its use.

A powerful statement made by Queen Elizabeth I was when she used juxtaposition when she compared herself to a king. She said, “I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman; but I have the heart and stomach of a king.” This quote is ironic yet true, as Queen Elizabeth I was able to successfully rule and protect England for 45 years. Here, Queen Elizabeth I compares women to kings in drastically different ways, yet can justify how they can work together towards success, like a ying-yang. Being a feeble woman allows her to have a peaceful, soft way about her while being king-like allows her to be a firm ruler and make potent decisions. This blend of the two extremes in one ruler allows her to be able to appeal to more subjects who will instill their trust in her. She also uses this to put down any unnecessary doubts established by society about her in charge as a woman to again gain their support and unite them to protect England. Queen Elizabeth I was able to be a just yet firm leader, allowing her to defeat Spain and protect the subjects of England, even as a woman.

Queen Elizabeth I had a strong influence over England, even as a female ruler over 400 years ago. Her power and control over her kingdom were met with her soft, feminine side, allowing her to take personal responsibility for her subjects and further unite them with support. Without Queen Elizabeth I, England may not have entered the Golden Age or had the influence in history it has.

Great job mentioning author’s purpose and rhetorical devices in the thesis. You earn the thesis point. Good job with noting anaphora and tying in relevance to religion! I think you do a great job of juxtaposition to show Queen Elizabeth’s complexities. Great job with historical context at the end. You have a great line of reasoning and an argument that flows very nicely with specific evidence and great commentary to supplement. Four points here in evidence & commentary.

You do a great job at tackling sophistication! You mention the significance/relevance of certain rhetorical choices such as the reference towards God and the complexities of that seemingly contradictory quote. Great 6/6 essay!

Short Essay Practice Submission 7

Before England’s Golden Age, it had successfully defeated the Spanish Armada under Queen Elizabeth I. Although she lived in a male-dominated society, she was able to prepare her countrymen for the attack of the Spanish Armada so that they were able to stop it before it reached the shore. In order to achieve this purpose of preparing the citizens of England for the possible invasion by the Spanish Armada, she wrote a speech to the land forces at Tilbury in which she creates a loving and optimistic tone as well as explains that she is as mentally and emotionally strong as a king even though she is a woman.

Elizabeth begins her speech by using friendly diction to create a loving tone. She addresses her audience with the phrase “my loving people.” This creates the feeling that they are all in one family that is supporting and taking care of each other. It also implies that Elizabeth wants everyone to unite and feel connected so that they can work together to defeat Spain. Her audience feels a sense of security which decreases any anxiety or fear that they might have regarding the threat of the attack. They realize that she is not a kind of a ruler that applies force to get people to obey her orders, but instead loves her countrymen dearly and speaks to them softly. By hearing this at the very beginning of her speech, her audience will feel more inclined to listen to her and follow her suggestions during the rest of the speech.

Elizabeth goes on to juxtaposing her feminine body and a “heart and stomach of a king.” This means that even though she is a woman, she has a manly personality and has the same feelings and thoughts as a king would. Through this contrast, she succeeds in alleviating her audience’s fears that she will not be a capable ruler due to the fact that she is a woman. This was extremely important for her audience to understand since they were living in a society where women were viewed as inferior and simple-minded compared to men. During the second half of the 16th century, many people thought that women were meant to do only domestic jobs like cooking and cleaning, and only men were capable of governing society. Women were discouraged from expressing their opinions about their husband’s responsibilities like politics and getting a solid education. By admitting that she has a body “of a weak and feeble woman,” she acknowledges this view of women shared by her audience. However, she tries to indicate that she is a special instance and should not be considered the same as other women. Therefore, her land forces her to trust and follow her orders as if they had come from a king.

In 1558, Queen Elizabeth I wrote a letter to her land forces at Tilbury regarding the threat of the Spanish Armada. She proceeded to explain that it is her honorable duty to serve everyone in England. She does this by creating a loving tone right from the beginning of her speech and emphasizing that she is as capable as a king of England. She reminds us that love and support for each other triumphs above the weaknesses of a woman.

Good job mentioning the purpose and mentioning tone as a literary device - I think you aren’t restating the prompt here so as a result you get the thesis point 

In terms of evidence & commentary, I think your reference to diction and tone here is great analysis - it’s very specific and also ties in to your commentary about decreasing anxiety. Moreover, your contextual application of the 16th century and women here is useful and definitely brings in a more in-depth area of analysis. I think your argument about trust is valid. Four points for evidence & commentary.

You did great with SOC!! I think you would earn sophistication in this instance, although it wouldn’t hurt to also maybe tie in her role as a woman in the first body paragraph although that’s not required. Great 6/6 essay.

Short Essay Practice Submission 8

Queen Elizabeth I was a strong female leader, the first of her kind in England. When her country went to war, many citizens were hesitant that a woman could bring the, then all-powerful, country the victory and guide them just as well as a male counterpart. In her speech to the commonfolk, Queen Elizabeth I uses impactful diction/syntax and metaphors throughout in an effort to convince her audience of her dedication to her people and to convince them of her own qualifications.

Queen Elizabeth I first opens by laying out the situation to her pupils. By using intense word choices and impactful images, she “assure[s]” them that “in the midst and heat of the battle,” she will “live and die amongst you all.” She uses this intense moment of climax, perhaps full of fear, to steer the citizen’s attention toward her own devotion to the war effort. By using such intense word usage, she is able to better hit home her point that despite a dreadful sitaution, she will not waver in the time of fear. The people will best respond to such a confident leader, and Elizabeth hopes that these tactics will instill confidence in themselves as well. She closes with another impactful statement that “by your obedience to my general, by your concord in the camp, and your valor in the field, we shall shortly have a famous victory.” The Queen uses the repetitive sentence structure and parallelism exemplified here throughout her speech to best grasp the attention of her audience and builds their attention to the final point of her statement, in this case, a most famous victory. This directs her people away from the opening remarks of “treachery” and towards the ultimate win, all along the way attempting to boost the troops’ confidence.

Often in the wild, to make themselves appear more intimidating, animals will create an image or make themselves appear larger. Queen Elizabeth I uses this exact tactic in her own speech. By using metaphors for herself, she conveys herself to the people as a most powerful jack of all trades, creating a sense of security in her own image. First, she addresses that despite having “the body but of a weak and feeble woman”, she has “the heart and stomach of a king, and of a king of England too.” She reassures the people that even though she may be a female, she knows what is expected of her and she insists she is able to withstand the pressures and responsibilities the title holds. She even uses this sentiment to uplift her mother country, implying that the King of England is not like that of any common King. Elizabeth places herself atop of her throne and creates an air of royalty to her people in this metaphor allowing the people to place trust in her words and actions, and encouraging them towards victory. She further promotes herself when she states that “I myself will be your general, judge, and rewarder of every one of your virtues in the field.” This shows the people that the Queen understands that her role is beyond that of a title, a figurehead. She will rise to the occasion and bring to them a required responsibility of all of these well-respected titles. By using this metaphor, Queen Elizabeth I instills a sense of purpose in herself and will to fight in those listening to her. Without her insistence of everyone’s role and her own ability to fulfill all these she lists, the people are discouraged and frankly, unconvinced of her and their own all-encompassing power.

To hit home her dedication to her country and her belief in her people, Queen Elizabeth goes as far as to join her people in their square. To initially create her sense of power, dressed in armor, Queen Elizabeth delivers a most awe-inspiring speech filled with impactful diction, climactic parallelism, and metaphors creating qualifying images of herself and the troops in an effort to inspire them and instill a level of confidence in all for themselves and England. Without such a historical speech, the people of England may not have been motivated to fight for a “feeble” Queen and may not have had confidence in their own recently endangered country. With her wise words, the troops go forth with a sense of importance and newfound appreciation for thier ruler.

Love the thesis with references to rhetorical devices and a purpose. You earn the thesis point. I love the specific evidence that is incorporated in your evidence & commentary. You bring in a great argument about how Queen Elizabeth instills a sense of purpose in herself and rises to the occasion. You earn all four points in evidence & commentary in my opinion. In terms of sophistication, this is a bit harder line to draw. I don’t necessarily think that you talk about the  relevance or significance  of rhetorical choices. You reference to complexities is not really pursued (comparing the body of a week/feeble woman + heart/stomach of king). Thus, you end with a 5/6! Great job.

Short Essay Practice Submission 9

During times of predicaments, the leaders’ abilities are truly tested. And their failure or success could be the difference between the countries’ triumph and annihilation. In 1588, England’s fate lay in peril as the threat of Spanish Armada’s invasion seemed inevitable. And the leader of this male dominated nation in crisis was a woman: Queen Elizabeth I. In her address to Tilbury land forces, Queen Elizabeth proved to be an effective leader that could not only lead the nation but also transcend any gender barriers that existed at the time. By appealing to national identity and by refuting the notion that her sex will hinder her ability to lead, Queen Elizabeth implores the land forces at Tilbury to unite under her leadership to defeat the Spanish. Doing so encourages the Tilbury land forces, who are all men, to follow Queen Elizabeth’s leadership, even if she is a woman, for the good of England.

Queen Elizabeth commences her address about the need to unite in the time of crisis by appealing to the national identity, specifically noting her reliance on her subjects, as she placed her “chiefest strength and safeguard in the loyal hearts” of her subjects. Given that Queen Elizabeth, a noble, is addressing soldiers, who are common men, at Tilbury, her appeal to national identity remains particularly poignant as it reveals that that despite her title, Queen Elizabeth needs the help of her subjects in order to persevere through this national crisis. And by doing so, Queen Elizabeth makes herself more relatable to the soldiers as they begin to view the queen as just another concerned individual who is fighting for England. Having thoroughly established her argument that she needs the help of her subjects, Queen Elizabeth furthers her appeal to national identity by emphasizing her readiness to “live and die amongst” the soldiers and fight for her “God”, her “kingdom”, and her “people”. And by doing so, Elizabeth further breaks down the notion that she will sit idly by and let the commons do the dirty work. Which in turn, enhances her credibility to the soldiers, who are common men, who now recognizes Queen Elizabeth is a leader who is willing to lead from the frontlines. Therefore, it is imperative for each member of the Tilbury land forces to do their part and unite under Queen Elizabeth to fight for their homeland.

Queen Elizabeth continues to convey her ability to lead England during this time of crisis by refuting the notion that her sex will hinder her ability to lead, particularly emphasizing that she may have a body of “a weak and feeble women”, but she has the “heart and stomach of a king”. Given that Queen Elizabeth is a woman addressing a group of men during a time of patriarchy, this dichotomy proves potent in challenging any unspoken reservations about her ability to lead due to her gender. Queen Elizabeth furthers breaks down the notion of her sex being a hinderance in her leadership by saying “I myself will take up arms, I myself will be your general, judge…” And by repeating the phrase “I myself” in front of actions and positions that are synonymous with masculinity and matriarchy, Queen Elizabeth skillfully demonstrates that she will take it upon herself to move past gender stereotypes and crown herself to assume positions that are held by men for the good of England. Which in turn, will force the land forces at Tilbury, who are all men, to view Queen Elizabeth not as a “weak and feeble women”, but as a “king” who will protect her “God”, her “kingdom”, and her “people”.

Great thesis statement and introduction paragraph that brought in context. I think your evidence and commentary is strong, as you talk about how Queen Elizabeth has made herself “more relatable” and how it convined the Tilbury land forces to unite. Your commentary and line of reasoning is strong throughout the two body paragraphs, and thus I give you four points on evidence & commentary. Moreover, your analysis of the masculine vs feminine conflict is very in-depth and earns you the sophistication point here in my opinion. Great 6/6 essay!

Short Essay Practice Submission 10

Queen Elizabeth I, under imminent threat of invasion by the Spanish Armada, makes a speech to her army and through the use of rhetorical strategies aims to inspire faith in her as their leader in order to rally her forces to fight against the Spanish.

Throughout her speech Queen Elizabeth emphasizes her god given right to be queen. She states “I have always so behaved myself that, under God,” she has made her decision. That she enters this battle to “lay down for my God,” and assures that their army will have victory “over those enemies of my God.” Her repeated allusions to God serve as a reminder to the soldiers that as a British monarch she has a god given right to rule and lead her people. She utilizes these reminder of her divinity in order to build the army’s trust in her and their faith in her decisions.

Queen Elizabeth moves to connect herself with her soldiers and emphasizes that she is on the field fighting with them. She appeals to the camaraderie of her forces by explaining that she has “come amongst you all” to “live and die amongst you all,” and that she “will take up arms, I myself will be your general.” She emphasizes her involvement in the battle in order to appeal to ethos and allow her soldiers to trust her by going far enough to join them in their fight. This works to inspire the soldier’s faith in her as their leader as they understand she believes in their cause so much as to join them in the fight. She continues this appeal to camaraderie through the use of the first person. She begins almost every clause with the word “I”, she says “I have always behaved myself”, “I know already,” “I have the heart ad stomach of a king” and many more instances of using the word “I”. She is emphasizing that all her decisions are her own and she truly believes in their cause, she is combating the image of an aloof monarch with no stake in her people. Her display in faith to her military works to build on the soldier’s trust in her.

As a female queen in the 16th century, Queen Elizabeth faced a lot of doubt in her ability to be a strong leader and make good decisions for the prosperity of her people due to the misogynistic and patriarchal ideals in society at the time. On this day in 1588 on the fields of Tilbury, it was vital that the queen convince her soldiers of her strength as their leader and that the her decisions that brought them to this battle were for the the good of England, so that her soldier might fight valiantly and they will defeat the Spanish.

Good job with the thesis point - very straightforward with mention of rhetorical devices and author’s purpose; this is how I wrote my thesis  In terms of evidence & commentary, your reference/argument about God is very intriguing and the god-given right argument is great context that demonstrates significance. Moreover, I think your argument about seeming relatable is very strong with the mention of I. Thus, you earn all four evidence & commentary points. In terms of sophistication, I think you do earn it because you expound about the relevance of God and mention the significance of the time period. Great 6/6 essay!

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CliffsNotes AP English Language and Composition: 2021 Exam

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