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4 Reasons Self-Realization is the Key to Unlocking Your Best Life

• March 24, 2023

The reality is, life can be overwhelming. It’s easy to get caught up in the constant pressure of who you should be and what you should do. But amidst all the noise, there’s a powerful concept that can help you find clarity and direction—it’s called self-realization.

To get into the essence of it, Jon Butcher , co-founder of Lifebook and co-trainer of the Mindvalley Quest of the same name, encourages you to ask yourself, “ What kind of a life do you want to live, and what kind of a person gets a life like that? ”

It’s like taking off a pair of dirty glasses and seeing the world in a new light. And it’s with this clarity of who you are and what you want that you can live a more fulfilling life.

What Is Self-Realization?

“Realization” is when one is fully aware of something. And in the case of “self-realization,” it’s when you’re tapped into your authentic self as well as your purpose in life.

Think of Neo from The Matrix . He comes into self-awareness as he lets go of his limiting beliefs and realizes his unique “gift” to stand up against the machines.

But this concept isn’t just for the movies. It can be found in both eastern and western philosophies. 

In eastern religions, self-realization is deeply woven into their belief systems. In Hinduism, for example, the concept is viewed as the knowledge of one’s true self that goes beyond illusions and material things. And in Buddhism, it’s an awakening to true reality.

The self-realization definition in western philosophy, on the other hand, is all about:

• Reaching one’s full potential,
• Cultivating your self-identity and purpose, and
• Contributing to the greater good of mankind and society.

While they’re not the same thing, both philosophies have the same goal in mind when it comes to self-realization. And that goal is a peaceful, fulfilled life—a life of virtue and abundance.

Self-realization vs. self-actualization

Self-realization and self-actualization are concepts that often get mixed up. Let’s take a look at a side-by-side comparison of their differences.

It goes without saying, both concepts are essential for personal growth and fulfillment. However, while self-actualization can help with external factors for a wonderful life, it first takes a good look inward with self-realization to truly achieve it.

As Jon says, “ The life you get is going to be the result of the choices you make and the actions you take. ”

Examples of Self-Realization in Life

Self-realization is about rising above your limiting beliefs and going through the stages of personal transformation . Here are a few examples of it in life:

• With career. You may have felt pressured to pursue a certain career path because of societal expectations of family pressure. However, you realize that your true passion lies elsewhere, and you decide to make a change. For example, Vishen , the founder of Mindvalley, was always taught that his career choices were to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer (fun fact: he decided to study engineering). He, as you may already know, decided to teach meditation and founded Mindvalley.
• With relationships. You may have experienced being in an unhealthy relationship. But you realize you deserve better and choose to, instead, focus on your own well-being. This is what Katherine Woodward Thomas , the author of best-selling Conscious Uncoupling and trainer of the Mindvalley Quest with the same name, went through in her previous relationship. She and her husband amicably split up but practiced the intention of being kind and generous toward each other.
• With well-being. You may have learned that material wealth equals happiness, leaving you wondering, “ What should I do with my life? ” But with reflection and understanding, you realize that true happiness comes from meaningful relationships and experiences. Take Jon Butcher , for instance. Before he founded Lifebook with his wife, Missy, he was struggling with anxiety and stress, to the point where he couldn’t leave his own house. They both weren’t happy with the way their life was going, so they decided “ to live a life that was uniquely [theirs]. ”

Self-realization is essentially a journey of self-discovery. Every stop offers you a new perspective and a chance to appreciate all that is around you. 

Why Is Self-Realization Important?

It comes as no surprise that those who’re connected to their inner selves and the world around them are more resilient. In fact, one study looking at how this concept helps in the face of adversity found that those who were more aware of their true selves showed “ better health profiles .”

What’s more, it has a huge impact on all twelve areas of life, which are defined in Lifebook created by Jon and Missy. Here are a few benefits that it offers:

1. Higher confidence and self-esteem

Self-realization is about making connections on a deep, meaningful level—both with your inner self and with the world around you. It’s like unplugging yourself from “the matrix” and seeing the world for what it truly is.

This connection allows you to rise above your worries, fears, and feelings of unworthiness. And just like Neo, it allows you to be the best you can be.

2. A sharper focus

Self-realization aligns your actions with your deepest values and ideals. This heightened awareness can help you create impactful goal statements , which you can pursue with more drive and focus. 

There’s also the ability to identify and remove toxic influences from your life, which then frees up space for positive experiences and relationships. It’s like having a laser-sharp focus on what truly matters to you and having the confidence and determination to make it happen.

Think of it like Neo after he learns to see beyond the illusion—he becomes unstoppable. And so can you.

3. Not being controlled by emotions

Fear, anxiety, and loneliness are just a few emotions that can hold you back. But when you reach a state of self-realization, you aren’t at their mercy.

This concept teaches you how to observe, face, and overcome thoughts and feelings as they arise. And as a result, you learn how to control your emotions better. 

4. Acceptance

As someone who’s self-realized, you become more open and accepting. You allow yourself to communicate freely and authentically, not only to yourself but also to those around you.

There’s no “ one size fits all ,” as Jon always says. However, when you allow yourself to embrace openness and realness, you build deeper, more meaningful relationships.

12 Ways to Develop Self-Realization

Developing self-realization is a crucial part of living a fulfilled and meaningful life. By understanding your true self and purpose, you can achieve a higher level of self-awareness and great potential.

Here are twelve ways you can tap into your authenticity, with insights taken from Jon in Mindvalley’s Lifebook Quest.

1. Take care of your health

The Butchers are advocates of taking care of physical health. In fact, it’s the foundational aspect of their Lifebook program. 

“ When you understand the relationship that exists between your health and your life, ” Jon explains, “ it leaves you with a choice to make regarding your actions. ” 

That means, what you choose to do in the moment can impact your life now or in the future.   For example, if you choose to eat sugary foods every day, you know you’ll have short-term satisfaction. However, in the long run, it’ll have a not-so-great effect on your body.

What you can do: Eat mindfully, drink enough water, exercise regularly, and get deep sleep—these are all important to maintain physical health. Not only that but when your actions are done consciously, you’ll realize the things that are good for your body and the things that aren’t.

2. Be aware of your thoughts

The incredible thing about the mind is that your thoughts can shape your reality . The way you think about yourself and the world around you can have a profound impact on your experiences and outcomes. 

“ Thinking is the foundation of achieving your extraordinary life, ” says Jon. “ The life you get is going to be the result of the choices you make and the actions you take. ”

What you can do: Journaling allows for self-reflection, helping you to process the events you experience. Additionally, it helps you work through past traumas and gain insight to move forward.

Just remember: negative or limiting beliefs can hold you back from achieving your potential. Positive and empowering ones, on the other hand, can help you reach new heights of success and fulfillment.

3. Embrace your emotions

Emotions are a natural part of the human experience. However, we’re often taught to suppress and ignore them (especially negative ones) rather than acknowledge and accept them.

As Jon says, “ Emotions are body wisdom. ” It can provide valuable information about yourself and your needs. You can use this information to make more conscious and informed decisions.

What you can do: Mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing or kundalini awakening , can help you become more aware of your emotions. 

After all, embracing your emotions is a journey that takes time and practice. So be patient and compassionate with yourself as you strive to better understand and accept them.

4. Build good character

“ The process of building a good character can be thought of as stamping your values onto yourself ,” says Jon. He further explains that the quality of your character is “ determined by how deeply engraved your values are onto your sense of self. ”

What you can do: To define the person you want to be and create the life you desire, ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you do the things you know you should do?
• Do you take care of your duties and responsibilities?
• Can you be counted on to make good decisions from a moral perspective?

Additionally, seek feedback from others. It’ll give you an objective view of your strengths and weaknesses, and provide you with the opportunity to embrace those qualities or improve on them.

5. Cultivate a spiritual practice

Spirituality is often seen as a path towards self-realization. It involves a connection to something greater than yourself, whether that is a higher power, the universe, or a collective consciousness. 

“ Spirituality is a deeply personal experience ,” Jon explains. “ It goes directly to who and what you are at the deepest possible level, and what you believe about why you’re here .”

It’s not something someone can tell you. Rather, it’s up to you to discover what spirituality means to you.

What you can do: Meditation is one of the more powerful tools for achieving self-realization. And doing it regularly can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, which can help you gain insight into your absolute authenticity.

6. Work on your love relationships

What’s the connection between love relationships and self-realization? A few things, actually:

• When you develop a positive relationship with yourself , you start to accept and love yourself for who you are. This self-love can lead to greater self-awareness and a deeper understanding of your values and goals.
• When it comes to positive relationships with others , you can learn a lot about yourself by how you interact with them. For example, you can gain awareness of how you communicate, what triggers you emotionally, and patterns in your relationships.

This level of awareness can help you identify areas where you may need to grow and develop, leading to personal growth and self-realization.

What you can do: Research shows that practicing compassion is not only good for your health, but it’s good for the world. When you’re able to understand and share the feelings of others, it can help build deeper connections and create a more supportive environment.

“ The natural state of things is to disorganize and decay, ” says Jon. “ And that will happen to your love relationship if you don’t consciously put energy back into the system. ”

7. Define what kind of parent you want to be

If you’re a parent, you understand the pure joy having children can be. But self-realization isn’t only important for children; it’s also essential for parents.

As they grow, they depend on you for food, clothing, and shelter, according to Jon. What’s more, they also look to you for guidance on what’s important, like values, morals, and a sense of life. 

And because you’re responsible and accountable for little humans, your experience as a parent can be a catalyst for personal growth and development.

What you can do: Connecting with other parents can help you gain perspective on your own experiences and beliefs. Consider joining a support group, seeking out a mentor, or getting a certified life coach to help you through your parenting journey.

8. Nurture your social life

“ Creating quality experiences for yourself and the people you love is one of the best things in life, ” says Jon. And with good reason.

In social situations, you’re more than likely to encounter different beliefs, values, and opinions. This can challenge your own assumptions and lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of yourself.

What’s more, it provides the opportunity to learn how to express yourself more effectively, listen actively, and collaborate with others. 

What you can do: One of the key factors in building relationships is being open to new connections. Attend events, like the ones at Mindvalley, to find a community that shares the same interests as you. 

9. Build financial wellness

Let’s face it, money has the power to make every aspect of your life better. It can give you greater freedom and flexibility to pursue your goals and aspirations.

However, it doesn’t mean you have to be a slave to it; rather, you can learn to work with it. When you’re able to manage your finances responsibly, you develop greater self-control and learn to prioritize your money goals over short-term impulses.

What you can do: Managing your finances often requires being aware of what your values and priorities are. As part of the Lifebook process, Jon encourages you to clear your limiting beliefs around money and set those financial goals for where you want to be.

10. Discover a career path that fulfills you

Careers are such a big part of our lives; we spend a big chunk of our days at work. The reality is, though, that we’re not taught to find a career path we love. Instead, we’re encouraged to join the rat race.

So it comes as no surprise that the number of people quitting is high. As a matter of fact, in November 2021 alone, a record 4.5 millio n Americans left their jobs . 

As much as we don’t like to admit it, our careers are important. And pursuing one that aligns with our values and interests can help us develop a sense of purpose and direction in life.

What you can do: “ If you’re connected to what you love (if you know what that is), you might start to look for ways to do it ,” Jon explains. So reflect on your interests and passions, identify your values, assess your skills and strengths, research potential career paths, and network with professionals. And when that’s all said and done, you may just find what you’re looking for.

11. Enhance your quality of life

According to Jon, you’re not going to be able to contribute to the people around you if your life is a mess. However, when you focus on improving all aspects of your life, it’ll ultimately lead to its enhancement. 

It’ll provide you with a sense of purpose and meaning. In turn, that can help you develop a stronger sense of self and personal identity.

What you can do: Jon advises you to integrate your quality of life into your financial plan. Why? “ A lot of this ,” he says, “ is going to come down to your ability to be able to afford the things and experiences you want. ”

12. Create a clear life vision

Your life vision is a roadmap to identify and pursue your most meaningful goals and aspirations that are aligned with your core values and passions. So it’s important to create a really clear and compelling one.

If you need inspiration, you can get it from self-realization quotes. They can provide valuable insights, wisdom, and perspective. Here are a few to get you going:

• “ Nothing can make you as happy as living a mission-oriented life. ” ― Vishen , founder of Mindvalley
• “ The quest for wholeness can never begin on the external level. It is always an inside job. ” ― Dr. Shefali Tsabary , clinical psychologist and trainer of Mindvalley’s Conscious Parenting Mastery Quest
• “ Too many people never get what they desire in their life because they never actually claim what they want; they never actually get clear on what they’re asking for so in some ways we have to teach ourselves to dream again. ” ― Regan Hillyer , manifestation teacher and trainer of Mindvalley’s The Art of Manifesting Quest

What you can do: Jon suggests asking yourself this question: If you were able to execute the 11 points above and really make your life vision a reality, what would that look like for you five years from now?

Put the law of assumption to work and assume your life vision is fulfilled. Visualize it and meditate on it. Embrace what it would feel like and send your intentions that way.

Awaken Your True Self

Self-realization is a step towards awakening your true self and living your best life. As Morpheus said in The Matrix , “ I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it. ”

That’s exactly what Mindvalley’s FREE Lifebook Masterclass with Jon and Missy Butcher is all about. Here’s what you’ll be in for:

• Identify what you truly want in the 12 areas of your life
• Discover what your unique purpose is
• Gain the clarity you need if you’re going through a major transition (e.g., divorce, career change, personal loss, and so on)

Lifebook gives you the tools, insights, and support you need to walk through the door of self-realization and unlock your full potential.

As Jon says, “ This world needs more self-responsible people making the world a better place by making themselves better .” And you have the opportunity to do just that.

Welcome in.

Recommended Free Masterclass For You

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Tatiana Azman

Jon and Missy Butcher are the founders and trainers of Lifebook . They’re serial entrepreneurs, lovers, and adventurers with a life most people would call “impossible.”

Coming from a life of financial and emotional hardship in their youth, Jon and Missy have now founded 19 companies together and co-own the Precious Moments family of companies, which has made over $10 billion in sales.

How we reviewed this article:

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Essay on Realization In Life

Students are often asked to write an essay on Realization In Life in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Realization In Life

Understanding realization.

Realization in life is like an eye-opening moment. It’s when you understand something clearly for the first time. This usually happens when we face new experiences or challenges. For example, if you make a mistake and learn from it, that’s a realization.

Realization and Growth

Realization is important for our growth. When we realize something, we learn and grow. It helps us to change our actions and thoughts. This is how we become better people. We can’t improve if we don’t realize our mistakes or learn new things.

Realization from Mistakes

Sometimes, we make mistakes. But these mistakes can lead to realization. When we understand that we were wrong, we learn. This learning is a kind of realization. It helps us to avoid the same mistake in the future.

Realization and Happiness

Realization can also bring happiness. When we realize that we have achieved something, we feel happy. This shows that realization can bring joy. So, realization is not always about learning from mistakes. It can also be about understanding our success.

In conclusion, realization is a crucial part of life. It helps us to grow, learn from our mistakes, and understand our success. So, we should always be open to new realizations. They make us better and happier people.

250 Words Essay on Realization In Life

Realization is when we come to understand something clearly. It is like a light bulb turning on in our mind. This often happens when we learn from our mistakes or experiences. Life is full of such moments of realization.

Realization and Personal Growth

Realization plays a big part in our personal growth. When we understand something deeply, we can change our actions. For example, if we realize that wasting water is bad, we will start to save water. This change in action shows personal growth.

Realization through Mistakes

Mistakes are a common way we come to realizations. When we make a mistake, we feel bad. This feeling makes us think about what we did wrong. From this, we can learn and grow. For example, if we fail a test, we realize the need to study more.

Realization and Relationships

Realizations can also help improve our relationships. When we realize how our actions affect others, we can change our behavior. This can make our relationships stronger. For example, if we realize we have hurt a friend’s feelings, we can apologize and try not to repeat it.

In conclusion, realization is a powerful tool in life. It helps us learn from our mistakes, grow as people, and improve our relationships. Life is a journey of continuous realizations, each one helping us to become better versions of ourselves.

500 Words Essay on Realization In Life

What is realization in life.

Realization in life is like a light bulb moment. It’s when you suddenly understand or become aware of something that you didn’t know before. This can be about yourself, others, or the world around you. This awareness can change the way you see things and can help you make better choices in life.

Types of Realizations

There are many types of realizations. Some people may realize that they need to be kinder to others. Some may realize that they need to work harder at school or at their job. Others may realize that they need to take better care of their health. These are all personal realizations.

There are also bigger realizations. These can be about the world around us. For example, you might realize that the earth is in danger because of pollution. Or you might realize that not everyone in the world is treated fairly. These are social realizations.

How Do Realizations Happen?

Realizations can happen in many different ways. Sometimes, they can come from a big event in your life. For example, if you get sick, you might realize that you need to take better care of your health.

Sometimes, realizations can come from small moments. Maybe you see someone being mean to another person and you realize that you don’t want to be like that.

Realizations can also come from learning. When you learn about new things, you can start to see the world in a different way. This can lead to new realizations.

The Impact of Realizations

Realizations can have a big impact on your life. They can change the way you think and the way you act.

For example, if you realize that you need to be kinder to others, you might start to treat people better. If you realize that you need to work harder at school, you might start to study more.

Realizations can also inspire you to make a difference in the world. If you realize that the earth is in danger, you might start to recycle more. If you realize that not everyone is treated fairly, you might start to stand up for others.

In conclusion, realizations in life are important moments of understanding and awareness. They can come from big events, small moments, or learning new things. They can change the way you think and act, and they can inspire you to make a difference in the world. So, always be open to new realizations. They can help you grow and become a better person.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

• Essay on Reality Shows Boon Or Bane
• Essay on Recession
• Essay on Recess Should Be Longer

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

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“Your outlook on life is a direct reflection on how much you like yourself.” ~ Lululemon

“My existence on this earth is pointless.”

That thought crossed my mind every night before I fell asleep.

It had been several months since I graduated from high school and I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. My future plans were falling to pieces, and everyone around me kept telling me that I needed to start accomplishing things that I had not yet accomplished.

I was not where I thought I should be in life. Everyone had expectations that I hadn’t met. I became too focused on becoming a version of myself that everyone else wanted, and I constantly compared myself to other people who had already taken the dive into the next chapter of their life.

I was relentlessly questioned and judged for my slower progression in life, which convinced me that no one supported me or believed in me. I wondered why I even bothered to exist if I was getting nowhere and disappointing everyone. I began to blame everyone but myself for the state of misery I had fallen into.

My self-esteem began to suffer as the months went by. I felt inferior to everyone and it made me hate myself. I still did not know what I wanted to do with my life—and I was starting to not even care.

But several months and hundreds of needless self insults later, I decided to block out the negativity , both from myself and other people. I silenced the voice in my head that told me I wasn’t good enough and asked myself what would really make me happy.

I’ve always been very creative and expressive. I used to sing, act, and dance when I was younger. But my favorite thing has always been writing.

Some of the happiest moments in my life came from opportunities to express myself or put my heart and soul out for everyone to see. Every path I tried to take always led me back to writing.

I got to a point where I realized that I was only trying to pursue other paths because I thought that’s what other people would accept. I was afraid that if I let my imagination soar to all the different possibilities, people would tear me down or tell me to be “realistic.”

The bottom line is that I became paralyzed with this fear of not being accepted. I was afraid to be different or go my own way and pursue what truly made me happy. I put myself in a box.

One day, I decided that enough was enough. I spent an entire year of my life trying to be “realistic” and conform to the expectations of other people. I realized that you can’t please everyone anyway, so trying will definitely not lead to contentment.

Real happiness comes from being content with and proud of yourself .

I finally decided that I was going to devote my time to learning about writing and working on my writing skills. I am happy with that decision and I feel better about myself because I made it for me.

I have learned a few things about choosing the right path for yourself, focusing on what will make you happy. If you’ve been struggling to make that choice, I recommend:

Drop your worries.

Worry puts a burden on your mind, body, and spirit. They can keep you up all night if you let them. Find comfort in the fact that everything happens for a reason and everything will fall into place at the right time.

During my period of low self-esteem and extreme uncertainty, I relentlessly questioned every aspect of my life. I would go to bed frustrated and upset as I told myself I wasn’t good enough, and that I wished I was like everyone else my age.

By constantly bashing yourself and worrying about every single thing that happens to you, you’re missing out on happiness that you could’ve had all along.

Do not try to please or impress anyone but yourself.

The need to impress, please, and compare ourselves to other people all the time is one of the most common causes of self-loathing. As long as you’re trying to please other people and live up to their expectations, you will not be pleasing yourself.

What I’ve learned is that happiness does not come from pleasing other people. Happiness comes from feeling content with your own life and goals.

Embrace your unique qualities and talents.

Everyone is different. Figure out what you’re good at and what sets you apart from everyone else. Your mission is to create a reason for being here.

Believe in your path.

When you start to figure out what you want in life, there will be obstacles. Do not let anyone or anything discourage you from continuing on. Believe in yourself and believe in your decisions.

Stay positive and keep moving forward.

Take your time.

Life does not come with a rulebook or deadlines for accomplishing certain things. I used to always think that I needed to be at the same level as everyone else my age. Life is not a race or a contest.

Have faith in the fact that you are exactly where you need to be at this very moment in time and as long as you’re content, don’t let anyone convince you that you’re not where you need to be. You be the judge of what you want to change in your life and then do it for you .

Surround yourself with positivity.

Try to limit the amount of time you spend with people who nay-say, judge, or ridicule. Choose to completely surround yourself with positive, inspiring influences. You will feel much happier and better about yourself if you do.

Make a list of sayings or quotes that make you feel encouraged or inspired and keep it where you can see it each day. Try putting the list under your pillow or on your refrigerator door.

The most important thing to remember is that you are worth it, you can go another day, and you can be happy. Life will not throw you anything you cannot handle or overcome.

Once you start to accept and love yourself and your desired path, the smoke will clear and you will breathe easy again. Be kind to yourself and life will be a whole lot brighter.

Photo by QuinnDombrowsky

About Madison Sonnier

Madison is a writer of feelings and lover of animals, music, nature and creativity. You can follow her blog at journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ and buy her first eBook through Amazon . She loves making new friends, so be sure to say hi if you like what you see!

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Personal Finance 🧮 | Personal Growth 🤗

8 Important Life Realizations That Has Changed Me

Throughout our life, we have a story or two or tell. Life can be full of surprises, and sometimes it does not go your way. Even though life can sometimes be challenging, it is still worth living for many reasons. Here are some of the biggest life realizations I learned by 20.

Table of Contents

Biggest life realizations: My black-and-white thinking held me back in so many ways

Black-and-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking means that you tend to think to its extreme. It prevented me from trying harder, negatively impacted my relationship, and made me overly self-critical.

I am unsure where I learned this, but my black-and-white thinking habit may be related to the culture I grew up with or a habit I learned from my parents.

Regardless of the cause, this way of thinking also made me hard to grasp the concept of making progress.

A few instances in my life:

• If I only let myself feel happy if I achieve an A score. I did not appreciate my efforts in those classes with a B score.
• There were times when I thought – “I am the best” or “I am the worst,” with no in-between.
• When practicing piano, if I can’t memorize a specific part of the song within a few hours, I’d stop practicing and label myself “not talented enough.”

I expected myself to succeed when I had just started.

I used to think – it was either 100% or 0%, good or bad. Either I succeeded or failed. Either get this done 100% all at once, or don’t even try.

As I got older, I realized there was somewhere in the middle. It is not 0 or 1. And somewhere in the middle is better than somewhere in the beginning.

Admittedly, being exposed to white culture (and my interaction with my fiancee, Josh) helps me to realize that life is filled with shades of gray.

Progress makes me happy.

Because of my way of thinking to either succeed or not, the concept of progress did not register in my head.

And because I did not understand the concept of progress, I rarely savored my small achievements, resulting in a lack of self-confidence.

There were times when I attached my identity to my achievement, particularly when I was younger. This results in unstable self-worth and conditional self-love. I only love myself when I achieve something.

However, I started to contemplate my past achievements. I’ve achieved some of my life dreams, but those moments lasted only a few days and probably weeks at the longest.

For instance, there was a moment when I felt super stressed about my school tuition. After finding a graduate assistantship with a full scholarship, I was finally able to relax and feel peaceful at the moment. But then, soon after that, I found another problem in life.

I learned that tying my achievement with my self-worth and happiness is a sure way to live a miserable life.

Focusing on the goals is good, but focusing too much removes my joy of living in the present moment.

Then I thought, will I be happy if I make more money? Will I finally be happy after I achieve Financial Independence? Money, for sure, can reduce the unhappiness part of my life, which further increases my happiness level.

But I don’t want to let my happiness be dependent 100% on money – what would happen if I got sick and had to pay high hospital bills? If money were my primary measurement of happiness, I would be miserable.

I occasionally went on Reddit and the team blind app. Strangely enough, I found many depressed and unfulfilled high-paid software engineers who make 250k+ in the tech industry. These findings probably suggest that while having FU money is a nice option, money is not everything.

Then what will make me happy? Little things in life, such as eating delicious food, walking in the park, and hanging out with my family, make me happy, but I knew there was always that void that slightly bothered me.

I went on a quest and tried out different things.

I learned that two of my favorite activities are making music and creating data visualization.

When I am “in the zone,” I feel happy and less worried. I get excited to learn new techniques and apply them in my work.

I am happy when I am in control and making progress towards things that I care about. 

I teared up on one occasion after finishing a piece of the song.

I am bad at predicting what makes me happy.

In high school, I dreamed of living in the US. I thought I would be happy once I made my dream come true.

But after successfully going through many difficult processes, from getting a student visa, jobs, work sponsorship, and finally a permanent residency, I thought I would be happy and fulfilled with my life. But the truth is far from that.

I found myself climbing the wrong ladder and miserable. I hate spending an hour commuting, working on a project I don’t care about, with people I don’t respect.

The majority of people probably don’t know what makes them happy . It is perhaps a good idea to start testing some ideas, what you think you want, and you may get more clarity as you test those ideas.

For instance, I thought I wanted to be a data scientist. After spending three months developing a predictive model, I realized I love the data exploration and visualization part of it but not so much on the deep statistics side. So, I ended up becoming a product data scientist instead.

Testing the ideas will allow you to learn about your fantasy and goals quickly. You may learn that the dream you used to fantasize about is not a fit for you, so you can pivot your dream into something else that’s more aligned with your interest.

Chances are you will still be happy(er) even though you are not there yet. Because you will make progress and feel proud of yourself that you are trying.

According to psychology , three factors make people happy:

• Relatedness – feeling connected to others.
• Competence – experiencing mastery.
• Autonomy – having the freedom and the ability to make your own choices.

I found this matches my experience. I am a lot more content in what I do currently because I have the three elements in my work (and life).

Compared to where I was before as a software engineer, where it only meets one element (competent), I almost have no control over the project I’ll be assigned to and don’t feel connected to the project I was working on.

20 minutes is a long time

There were many times when I delayed my task because I told myself I did not have enough time. I would think, “I don’t have enough time; I’ll do it tomorrow.”

After working on my music composing skills, I came into a light-bulb moment. Those melodies that I produced only took less than 20 minutes. In many cases, it does not sound too great. But I always come up with something within 20 minutes. If I repeat it ten times or more – I can usually come up with something ok.

Even though you don’t finish the task within 20 minutes, you will be much further ahead than 20 minutes ago (obviously, duh). And because of the cliffhanger effect, your brain may develop more ideas and develop a need to get that thing done.

So when you start telling yourself that you won’t have enough time, remember the cliffhanger effect and that you can make good progress in 20 minutes.

Because of the cliffhanger effect, your brain may come up with more ideas and actually develop a need to get that thing done.

Done is better than perfect.

I learned this concept from the Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. It is a great book to read for someone who wants to pursue an art career.

Often, our perfectionism holds us back from reaching our potential. If getting started is difficult, sometimes finishing the task is even more difficult, yet it is one of the most important steps.

I got caught up on this when working on my music project. Sometimes I got disappointed with the sound and just gave up because I lost interest. If I had followed through, I would have created more music than I have today.

However, I have gotten better with this concept with my analytic dashboard project. There were plenty of times when I had to let go of my perfectionism and visualization ideas to meet my deadline. Otherwise, I have to work late. The time I spend perfecting my project usually has little or no impact.

As a result, clients appreciate my work and trust that I’ll deliver on time.

Here are a few reasons to do this:

• You will learn and improve your product faster. This concept is applied in software engineering (Agile method) – where you have to release the project/prototype every iteration and get customer feedback. This way, software engineers and product analysts can quickly shape the product into something customers want.
• You get the result. When you look back in the next month or year, you’ll be glad that you have started and  finished  it.
• In most cases, you can still fix and add new things later. Most of us don’t deal with life-or-death situations.

Investment-wise, buy low whenever you can

One of my biggest financial mistakes is not buying more shares during the Covid-19 recession. I have plenty of cash, yet I was so focused on other stupid things, such as buying toilet paper 🤦.

Part of it is because of fear that the stock market will never return. Even though I understand the history that the market will always return and set a new highest price, this does not eliminate my fear.

The regrets only happened several months later, and it clicked when I saw how much I had missed.

There are plenty of unqualified leaders out there.

Some managers can micromanage, and other leaders might abuse their power. They know you need the job, so they treat you like crap.

Bad managers can often be detected through interviews and colleagues’ opinions. If you get a bad vibe or they are answering your answers vaguely – this could be a bad sign.

But there are more subtle cases like mine – where my boss seems to have a dual personality. He can be nice in person but snap at me when he is in a bad mood.

My decision today impacts where I will be tomorrow

As overwhelming as it sounds (or liberating), a decision that seems insignificant can impact your future.

When I made the career transition, I applied for a job I was not 100% qualified for. I hesitated at first, but  I counted 5,4,3,2,1  and just did it. Maybe I got lucky, but it turned out that I got an offer.

That decision leads to where I am today. If I did not take a leap of faith, I would probably still be in my old career and wonder what if I make a career change.

Vi, a software engineer with a keen interest in personal finance, had planned to retire once she reached her lean FI/RE (Financial Independence/Retire Early) goal. However, after achieving the goal , she took few months of a mini-retirement filled with travel and adventure and decided to continue her career.

For the past five years, Vi has been using Personal Capital (Empower) , a free financial tool. Her favorite features include the dashboard for net worth, allocation, and planning, which help track her FI/RE goal and keep those investment fees in check.

Published by Vi

12 of Life’s Most Helpful Realizations

By: Author Dane Findley

Realizations are extremely important moments in the human life.

If you’re ever heading down a path that will bring you unhappiness, a realization can help you suddenly become more fully aware of who you actually are so that you can correct your course.

Realizations help you to make better choices in the future.

Which of these Realizations Have You Already Had?

There are moments in life — unexpected and pivotal — that somehow change you forever.

Even though some epiphanies can be painful at the moment, if they bring you closer to the truth of who you are, then — in the long run — they will prove enormously helpful in daily life.

Realizations can save you from a 5-year detour – getting lost down a side trail that might lead you away from your life purpose.

Last year, I witnessed a dear friend have an accident.

It’s always challenging to take a mind-blowing experience and then try to reduce it into words others might understand. Even so, here are the 12 most shocking realizations I had immediately following the accident.

1. Among the Biggest Realizations: People Are Inherently Lovable

I realized that I adore people. Even with all of our wounds and fractures, our abrasive edges, and acting out – each of us, at our core , is made from the stuff of love.

I realized that it’s almost always possible to see past someone’s bad behavior and into their inherent lovability.

That people are basically lovable at their core, can be one of life’s biggest realizations.

2. People either Enhance Your Energy or Drain It

I once heard Caroline Myss calmly state that people either enhance your energy or drain it. “It can be no other way,” she explained. After the accident, I could see clearly that this is indeed the case.

3. It Takes Strong Hands to Hold a Paradox

Just because I love people doesn’t mean I have to welcome every person into my environment — this is what I realized.

I don’t have to solve the mystery of how I can like someone yet still identify them as someone who is not a good match for me.

A paradox is when two seemingly contradictory ideas are each true.

Not every paradox needs to be solved .

We can accept the mystery of it with grace and ease and move on.

4. Among the Biggest Realizations: We Live in Peculiar Times

Do you know that analogy of the frog in the pot of water? The water heats up so slowly that the frog doesn’t notice it, so he doesn’t bother to hop out of the pot once it reaches a boil.

After the accident, I could see things about our culture that I couldn’t see as clearly before the accident.

The world is changing faster than we can process it.

We are like the frog.

5. Our Context is First-World

I began noticing that many people cannot sustain a deep and authentic interest in other people’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Then I wondered, is this just because I’m American? Or, even more specifically, because I was born and raised in California?

“…conversations seem to now require an odd concision that often dissolves the joy of conversing in the first place”

For generations, people have migrated to California in the hope of a better life – but often, it’s really ourselves we’re trying to outrun.

It’s in the gene pool here.

You can see this in conversations. If someone starts to speak, the other person immediately thinks of what he will say next – instead of being fully present and actively listening .

Increasingly in conversations, people seem to listen only long enough to hear a “keyword,” after which their brain pings and references a memory from that keyword, and they begin their own free association – often missing the subtext of the communication.

For example, Mary tells Alice that she enjoyed the blueberry pancakes she had for breakfast, but now she feels bloated and tired . Alice responds that she found some amazing blueberries at the farmer’s market last week and hopes the same vendor will be there this week so she can pick up some more.

On the surface, Alice seems to be on-point, but somehow an opportunity has been lost.

Our minds have become so chattery, and we believe ourselves to be so time-constrained , that our ability to simply listen has been compromised.

Conversations seem to require now an odd concision that often defeats the entire purpose of conversing.

After the accident, I often found myself about to communicate some vital information to someone else, only to realize in the same moment that I was unwilling to boil it down into catchy bullet points as if I were introducing a segment on Entertainment Tonight.

That healthy boundaries must be established in a narcissistic culture is among life’s biggest realizations.

6. Among the Biggest Realizations: It’s Okay to Enjoy Solitude

After the accident, I accepted that I’m an introvert and that that’s okay.

While extroverts get their energy from being around other people, I recharge my batteries by being alone as an introvert. Even though relationships matter most to me, I’d rather have depth and quality than quantity.

Everyone has a different brain style. Each of us processes moment-to-moment information differently. That brain diversity truly exists is among life’s biggest realizations.

7. Everyone Has a Big Secret that They Keep from Themselves

This is one of the dynamics I saw so clearly after the accident. Almost everyone has at least one big secret they are actively keeping from themselves (and sometimes, entire families collude, unconsciously, to keep one big secret from themselves and each other).

That each of us has at least one secret we keep from ourselves is among life’s biggest realizations.

8. It’s Okay to Let Reality In, in Small Manageable Doses

Anxiety is the big game of life.

We all have different ways of managing anxiety, and hopefully, as life progresses , we’re able to discover healthier ways for metabolizing life’s low-level, everyday anxiety (and over time, we can substitute those healthier methods for the less healthy ones);

• if we were to let reality rush in on our minds all at once, our psyches would snap;
• we let reality in, in small doses, so we have time to process it and get stronger before letting in the next small dose.

Movement is progress. Even in small steps, we’re actively growing and exploring our internal worlds.

On the other hand, unfortunately, complete repression doesn’t work; when you repress something completely and for too long, you activate it in the unconscious, which often leads to acting out and can produce adverse side effects.

So, I realized that on the journey of personal growth, we could all pace ourselves according to our individual needs and unique trajectories.

9. You Don’t Have to Squeeze 300 Lives into One Lifetime

Because the spouse and I chose not to adopt children, we’ve been able to move around and try different careers and adventures.

We tend to follow opportunity and our own curiosity .

But even though we enjoy more freedom than couples with kids and pets, after the accident, I realized that I no longer needed to experience every single adventure in this one lifetime.

This particular realization was very calming for me: I’ll never get it all done. And that’s okay.

10. It’s Between You and Something Higher

I know this is kind of an intense thing to say, but after the accident, I realized that the standard American adult friendship doesn’t really meet my relational needs.

I mean, it doesn’t even come close.

I love my friends – in fact, I like people even more now than I ever have before – but the fact is I have an extremely rich internal world with more material than any one person could ever bear thoughtful witness to.

The way our culture operates on the day-to-day level, it’s difficult to establish (over the occasional cup of coffee or phone call) true intimacy and that quiet confidence that a deep friendship and a hundred lazy hangouts create. After the accident, I was able to accept this calmly.

Now, I get my strokes from nature.

I like going for long walks by myself and appreciating the simple brilliance of Earth’s natural physical environment.

And I have an active dialogue with a power that is higher than me.

Call it divine energy – I don’t want to offend anybody; I’m just saying that I depend on my spiritual relationship with what I imagine to be an Infinite Field of love, intelligence, creativity, and compassion.

11. Setting Healthy Boundaries is an Essential Life Skill

Before the accident, I used sometimes to offer people constructive feedback . After the accident, I focus mostly on keeping my own side of the street clean.

Underneath it all, I’ve always been deeply interested in other people. I could listen – rapt – to someone talk about what they had for breakfast, or what they dreamed about the night before, or their secret hopes and fears, or their favorite movie… anything.

Since the accident, however, I cannot endure listening to anyone talk about themselves unless I feel certain they can sustain curiosity and interest in my life (as I can in theirs).

Otherwise, the exchange of energy is inequitable and, therefore, unhealthy.

Reciprocity, for-the-win!

12. Among the Biggest Realizations: Enjoying Life is a Good Thing

Man oh man, do I love to laugh.

My spouse and I spend much of the day figuring out goofy ways to make the other laugh.

At night, after dinner, we watch comedies. Good ones, bad ones, romantic ones, silly ones – I’ll give any comedy a chance because I know that laughter is, quite literally, good for one’s body and brain .

Since the accident, I don’t follow any televised news shows (and I generally avoid crime procedurals, except for some British ones).

“If you had one goal, and that was to feel good, you would never again need to hear another word from anyone. You would live successfully and happily and in a way of fulfilling your life’s purpose ever after.” — Abraham-Hicks

I’m no longer afraid of being ordinary. I’m influential in my own particular way. I vote. I spend at local mom-n-pops (when possible). I create a job (when the budget allows for it). More important than all of the above: it’s how I treat people when I leave the house each day.

I don’t honk my car horn or treat the grocery cashier like a robot.

The older I get, the more I realize it’s up to me to demonstrate kindness and grace (I have a lot to make up for: I was a wild youth!).

One of my friends was a Zen monk in a remote mountaintop monastery for two years.

He explained that he had many questions about life before entering the monastery. When he left two years later, he still had those same questions, but the difference , he says, is that he’s okay with the not-knowing .

He can now more joyfully hold the space for the mystery of life. He permits himself to enjoy a basic moment within a basic day, minus the neurosis .

Today, when he has an hour break between clients, he runs down to the beach, and – if no one is around – he rips off his clothes and jumps into the waves! He’s one of the happiest guys I know.

Bonus Realization: Joy Modules Can Be “Stacked”

Sometimes daily life seems to be a process of trying to make the unconscious, conscious .

The twist is: we’re often ambivalent about the pace of that process – we’re always trying to speed it up or slow it down , depending on our moment-to-moment anxiety.

In the movies, life-changing moments are often cinematic and laden with computer-generated images and dramatic sweeps of music.

In real life, seemingly mundane occurrences often inspire the most powerful realizations.

For example, on two separate occasions, I saw someone simply walk in front of me and had an instant epiphany that improved the way I saw and experienced my life from that point forward.

Sometimes, though, life-changing moments can occur from startling external events.

Though the details of my friend’s accident are not the point of this particular article, I will say that it was an accident that could happen to anyone and yet was still quite unexpected.

I find it a bit irksome to even refer to it as an “accident,” as it was more of a growing opportunity.

In the days following the accident, all of these ideas that I had been flirting with for a few years crystallized and became deeply and profoundly real.

In other words, what had been a slow-burning intellectual and philosophical awareness before the accident, transformed – almost overnight – into an integrated part of my psyche after the accident.

I share these realizations with the hope that they might offer you increased clarity and direction in your own life.

I encourage you to use the realizations that seem helpful or illuminating and leave behind those that seem not to fit your life’s unique trajectory.

I believe passionately that we need these sorts of insights to keep on our life path so that we can fulfill our purpose.

After the accident, I could see – with crystal clarity – that I had been overcomplicating my daily life.

Now more than ever, I am a passionate believer in voluntary simplicity : I encourage you to identify those activities or people that enhance your energy and bring you the most joy and “ stack ” them.

Fit as many joyful activities into your day (or, at least: your week) as possible.

This is a recipe for inner peace and a way to make your life more delightful – and meaningful .

• Which of the above realizations have you already had?
• What other powerful realization have you had – that is not on the list above – that revived and advanced your life for the better?
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I Thought We’d Learned Nothing From the Pandemic. I Wasn’t Seeing the Full Picture

M y first home had a back door that opened to a concrete patio with a giant crack down the middle. When my sister and I played, I made sure to stay on the same side of the divide as her, just in case. The 1988 film The Land Before Time was one of the first movies I ever saw, and the image of the earth splintering into pieces planted its roots in my brain. I believed that, even in my own backyard, I could easily become the tiny Triceratops separated from her family, on the other side of the chasm, as everything crumbled into chaos.

Some 30 years later, I marvel at the eerie, unexpected ways that cartoonish nightmare came to life – not just for me and my family, but for all of us. The landscape was already covered in fissures well before COVID-19 made its way across the planet, but the pandemic applied pressure, and the cracks broke wide open, separating us from each other physically and ideologically. Under the weight of the crisis, we scattered and landed on such different patches of earth we could barely see each other’s faces, even when we squinted. We disagreed viciously with each other, about how to respond, but also about what was true.

Recently, someone asked me if we’ve learned anything from the pandemic, and my first thought was a flat no. Nothing. There was a time when I thought it would be the very thing to draw us together and catapult us – as a capital “S” Society – into a kinder future. It’s surreal to remember those early days when people rallied together, sewing masks for health care workers during critical shortages and gathering on balconies in cities from Dallas to New York City to clap and sing songs like “Yellow Submarine.” It felt like a giant lightning bolt shot across the sky, and for one breath, we all saw something that had been hidden in the dark – the inherent vulnerability in being human or maybe our inescapable connectedness .

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Read More: The Family Time the Pandemic Stole

But it turns out, it was just a flash. The goodwill vanished as quickly as it appeared. A couple of years later, people feel lied to, abandoned, and all on their own. I’ve felt my own curiosity shrinking, my willingness to reach out waning , my ability to keep my hands open dwindling. I look out across the landscape and see selfishness and rage, burnt earth and so many dead bodies. Game over. We lost. And if we’ve already lost, why try?

Still, the question kept nagging me. I wondered, am I seeing the full picture? What happens when we focus not on the collective society but at one face, one story at a time? I’m not asking for a bow to minimize the suffering – a pretty flourish to put on top and make the whole thing “worth it.” Yuck. That’s not what we need. But I wondered about deep, quiet growth. The kind we feel in our bodies, relationships, homes, places of work, neighborhoods.

Like a walkie-talkie message sent to my allies on the ground, I posted a call on my Instagram. What do you see? What do you hear? What feels possible? Is there life out here? Sprouting up among the rubble? I heard human voices calling back – reports of life, personal and specific. I heard one story at a time – stories of grief and distrust, fury and disappointment. Also gratitude. Discovery. Determination.

Among the most prevalent were the stories of self-revelation. Almost as if machines were given the chance to live as humans, people described blossoming into fuller selves. They listened to their bodies’ cues, recognized their desires and comforts, tuned into their gut instincts, and honored the intuition they hadn’t realized belonged to them. Alex, a writer and fellow disabled parent, found the freedom to explore a fuller version of herself in the privacy the pandemic provided. “The way I dress, the way I love, and the way I carry myself have both shrunk and expanded,” she shared. “I don’t love myself very well with an audience.” Without the daily ritual of trying to pass as “normal” in public, Tamar, a queer mom in the Netherlands, realized she’s autistic. “I think the pandemic helped me to recognize the mask,” she wrote. “Not that unmasking is easy now. But at least I know it’s there.” In a time of widespread suffering that none of us could solve on our own, many tended to our internal wounds and misalignments, large and small, and found clarity.

Read More: A Tool for Staying Grounded in This Era of Constant Uncertainty

I wonder if this flourishing of self-awareness is at least partially responsible for the life alterations people pursued. The pandemic broke open our personal notions of work and pushed us to reevaluate things like time and money. Lucy, a disabled writer in the U.K., made the hard decision to leave her job as a journalist covering Westminster to write freelance about her beloved disability community. “This work feels important in a way nothing else has ever felt,” she wrote. “I don’t think I’d have realized this was what I should be doing without the pandemic.” And she wasn’t alone – many people changed jobs , moved, learned new skills and hobbies, became politically engaged.

Perhaps more than any other shifts, people described a significant reassessment of their relationships. They set boundaries, said no, had challenging conversations. They also reconnected, fell in love, and learned to trust. Jeanne, a quilter in Indiana, got to know relatives she wouldn’t have connected with if lockdowns hadn’t prompted weekly family Zooms. “We are all over the map as regards to our belief systems,” she emphasized, “but it is possible to love people you don’t see eye to eye with on every issue.” Anna, an anti-violence advocate in Maine, learned she could trust her new marriage: “Life was not a honeymoon. But we still chose to turn to each other with kindness and curiosity.” So many bonds forged and broken, strengthened and strained.

Instead of relying on default relationships or institutional structures, widespread recalibrations allowed for going off script and fortifying smaller communities. Mara from Idyllwild, Calif., described the tangible plan for care enacted in her town. “We started a mutual-aid group at the beginning of the pandemic,” she wrote, “and it grew so quickly before we knew it we were feeding 400 of the 4000 residents.” She didn’t pretend the conditions were ideal. In fact, she expressed immense frustration with our collective response to the pandemic. Even so, the local group rallied and continues to offer assistance to their community with help from donations and volunteers (many of whom were originally on the receiving end of support). “I’ve learned that people thrive when they feel their connection to others,” she wrote. Clare, a teacher from the U.K., voiced similar conviction as she described a giant scarf she’s woven out of ribbons, each representing a single person. The scarf is “a collection of stories, moments and wisdom we are sharing with each other,” she wrote. It now stretches well over 1,000 feet.

A few hours into reading the comments, I lay back on my bed, phone held against my chest. The room was quiet, but my internal world was lighting up with firefly flickers. What felt different? Surely part of it was receiving personal accounts of deep-rooted growth. And also, there was something to the mere act of asking and listening. Maybe it connected me to humans before battle cries. Maybe it was the chance to be in conversation with others who were also trying to understand – what is happening to us? Underneath it all, an undeniable thread remained; I saw people peering into the mess and narrating their findings onto the shared frequency. Every comment was like a flare into the sky. I’m here! And if the sky is full of flares, we aren’t alone.

I recognized my own pandemic discoveries – some minor, others massive. Like washing off thick eyeliner and mascara every night is more effort than it’s worth; I can transform the mundane into the magical with a bedsheet, a movie projector, and twinkle lights; my paralyzed body can mother an infant in ways I’d never seen modeled for me. I remembered disappointing, bewildering conversations within my own family of origin and our imperfect attempts to remain close while also seeing things so differently. I realized that every time I get the weekly invite to my virtual “Find the Mumsies” call, with a tiny group of moms living hundreds of miles apart, I’m being welcomed into a pocket of unexpected community. Even though we’ve never been in one room all together, I’ve felt an uncommon kind of solace in their now-familiar faces.

Hope is a slippery thing. I desperately want to hold onto it, but everywhere I look there are real, weighty reasons to despair. The pandemic marks a stretch on the timeline that tangles with a teetering democracy, a deteriorating planet , the loss of human rights that once felt unshakable . When the world is falling apart Land Before Time style, it can feel trite, sniffing out the beauty – useless, firing off flares to anyone looking for signs of life. But, while I’m under no delusions that if we just keep trudging forward we’ll find our own oasis of waterfalls and grassy meadows glistening in the sunshine beneath a heavenly chorus, I wonder if trivializing small acts of beauty, connection, and hope actually cuts us off from resources essential to our survival. The group of abandoned dinosaurs were keeping each other alive and making each other laugh well before they made it to their fantasy ending.

Read More: How Ice Cream Became My Own Personal Act of Resistance

After the monarch butterfly went on the endangered-species list, my friend and fellow writer Hannah Soyer sent me wildflower seeds to plant in my yard. A simple act of big hope – that I will actually plant them, that they will grow, that a monarch butterfly will receive nourishment from whatever blossoms are able to push their way through the dirt. There are so many ways that could fail. But maybe the outcome wasn’t exactly the point. Maybe hope is the dogged insistence – the stubborn defiance – to continue cultivating moments of beauty regardless. There is value in the planting apart from the harvest.

I can’t point out a single collective lesson from the pandemic. It’s hard to see any great “we.” Still, I see the faces in my moms’ group, making pancakes for their kids and popping on between strings of meetings while we try to figure out how to raise these small people in this chaotic world. I think of my friends on Instagram tending to the selves they discovered when no one was watching and the scarf of ribbons stretching the length of more than three football fields. I remember my family of three, holding hands on the way up the ramp to the library. These bits of growth and rings of support might not be loud or right on the surface, but that’s not the same thing as nothing. If we only cared about the bottom-line defeats or sweeping successes of the big picture, we’d never plant flowers at all.

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10 Realizations That Changed My Life

Plus-size blogger and brand consultant

Bloggers, like all people, love to share the highlights of their lives. But I'm a person with self-doubt, worries, and stuff I need to figure out, just like anyone else. Who wants to read about that? Maybe you do. I want to share a set of realizations that have quite literally changed my life in the last few months. I learned some of these from others, but each one resulted in a pivotal aha moment that changed the way I see myself as a woman, wife, and mother.

• You are the sum of the five people most present in your life . So much of life is social, who you know, and who you most engage. This is under your control. Surround yourself with smart, interesting people who inspire you.
• There's a reason why some people achieve unlikely success and a big part of it is about how they approach their strengths and weaknesses. Some people spend so much more time focused on their weaknesses when that energy could be used to push your strengths to new heights. My husband wrote the book on this -- literally. He recently spoke to a group of venture capitalists about identifying people who are on the cusp of success. You can find his book here: High School Dropout to Harvard .
• You can make a living doing what you love. Once this starts happening to you, life opens up and you stop dreading Mondays. I never thought I could make a living as a writer and blogger and then one day I asked myself, "Why not me, why not now?" and so started this new adventure.
• Be grateful for everything. Since I shifted my attitude toward constant gratitude, good things keep coming into my life. When you're resentful, you're off the path. I say yes to seemingly small opportunities and they almost always lead to bigger ones.
• "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." -Oscar Wilde. Do you want to be great in your career, in school, in blogging? Don't try to be someone else; they are the best person at being them. You are the best at being you.
• Invest in things that help you become the sharpest version of you. Maybe it's a new computer, a ticket to a conference, a book, or class. You will reap the returns.
• We're all just passing through .
• Some people, places, and events in your life are shipwrecks . Don't keep dragging them behind you. Cut them off and swim away.
• Never stop learning. I'm constantly reading books and consuming online media. I'm a fairly busy person, especially as a mom, but I even started taking a computer programming class, because it's a way of investing in myself.
• Love is the best motivation. For me, it's been motherhood -- I'm driven by an endless supply of love for my daughter. Love is the most renewable energy.

Blogging sometimes feels like I'm sending messages out in a bottle. I hope this one is read by the person who needs it.

This post originally appeared on jaymiranda.com .

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My Adolescent Experience and Development: A Reflection

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Adolescent experience in my life, physical development, emotional development.

“Perhaps you looked in the mirror on a daily, or sometimes even hourly, basis as a young teenager to see whether you could detect anything different about your changing body. Preoccupation with one’s body image is strong through adolescence, it is especially acute during puberty, a time when adolescents are more dissatisfied with their bodies than in late adolescence.” (Santrock)

Social changes

• Arnett, J. J. (2015). Adolescence and emerging adulthood : A cultural approach. Pearson Education.
• Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis. WW Norton & Company.
• Gullotta, T. P., & Adams, G. R. (Eds.). (2016). Handbook of adolescent behavioral problems: Evidence-based approaches to prevention and treatment. Springer.
• Steinberg, L. (2014). Age of opportunity: Lessons from the new science of adolescence. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
• Steinberg, L., & Morris, A. S. (2001). Adolescent development. Annual review of psychology, 52(1), 83-110.
• Suler, J. R. (2018). Adolescent development. In Psychology of Adolescence (pp. 11-38). Springer.
• Rutter, M., & Smith, DJ (1995). Psychosocial disorders in young people: Time trends and their causes. John Wiley & Sons.
• American Psychological Association. (2019). APA handbook of the psychology of adolescence.
• Offer, D., & Schonert-Reichl, K. A. (1992). Debunking the myths of adolescence: Findings from recent research. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 31(6), 1003-1014.

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• Abnormal Psychology
• Conflict Resolution Theory
• Personal Development Planning
• Milgram Experiment
• Operant Conditioning
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

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