jokes about phd doctors

PhD Jokes And Puns

These funny PhD jokes and puns are a real lesson in humor! In fact, they’re in a class of their own! No need to doctor them, they get top marks just as they are!

Funny PhD Jokes

My socially anxious friend just got a PhD in palindrome studies.

I call him Dr. Awkward.

What is Dr. Pepper’s PhD in?

I have finished writing my PhD thesis on penguins.

In hindsight, I probably should have written it on paper.

I got a PhD in rap and washing clothes.

They call me Dr. LaunDré.

What do you call an owl with a PhD?

I have a friend who just finished her PhD in Botany.

Instead of math and statistics, her dissertation is full of pictures of exotic plants.

She sure has a lot of photos in thesis.

A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar.

They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.

They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society.

The boomer waves this off and says the kids these days are just too sensitive, and that he fought for civil rights in the sixties and did his part.

They go back and forth on this for a while, and finally the Gen Z kid says, “We’re just not gonna settle this. We don’t see eye to eye. You’re too old and out of touch and I’m too young and inexperienced. What we need to do is ask a Millennial with a PhD in sociology for their opinion.”

The boomer says, “That’s a great idea!” And yells, “HEY BARTENDER, C’MERE!”

Flight attendant: Do we have a doctor on board?

Me: I have a PhD in mathematics.

Flight attendant: one passenger is having a heart attack and one passenger is having an asthma attack.

Me: nodding that makes two.

I have a PhD in procrastin …

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

“I just completed my PhD in Scottish poetry,” he tells the bartender. “Now I’ve got third degree Burns.”

What do you call a cat with a PhD in Marine Biology?

A Doctopuss.

What do you call a chili with a PhD?

Dr. Pepper.

Who is the only Looney Tunes character with a doctorate?

MIT’s Computer Science PhD application only accepts text files.

That’s really ASCII a lot, in my opinion.

My PhD was about torque.

I guess that makes me a spin doctor.

I have a friend who a PhD in interactions of matter and energy at all length and time scales in the physical universe.

The only job he could get was at a soda factory.

In a roundabout way, he did become a fizzicist.

Dad: “My first son has a PhD in arts, my daughter has two degrees in communication and journalism and my youngest son is a burglar.”

Friend: “Wow a burglar? You should kick him out!”

Dad: “Nah… he is the only one who makes money.”

A man walks into a bar and finds its patrons raucously celebrating with a young man standing on the bar shouting for more drinks, on him.

He walks up to the bar and shouts to the young man, “What’s the occasion?”

“My career’s in ruins!” the lad cackles.

The man, shocked, replies, “Then why are you celebrating?”

“I’ve just completed my PhD in archaeology!”

What’s the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One’s a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other’s a lepidopteral taxonomy.

So, I have this friend who studied to become an Egyptologist.

The only way he can make a living is by becoming a PhD and teach others to become Egyptologists.

As far as I’m concerned, it is a pyramid scheme.

A rabbit says to a fox, “I’m writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes.”

“Come on, you know that’s impossible! No one will publish such rubbish.” says the fox.

“Well, follow me and I’ll show you.”

They both go into the rabbit’s dwelling and after a while, the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.

Then comes a wolf.

“Hello, what are we doing these days?”

“I’m writing the second chapter of my thesis, on how rabbits devour wolves.”

“Are you crazy? Where is your academic honesty?”

“Come with me and I’ll show you.”

As before, the rabbit comes out with a satisfied look on his face and a diploma in his paw.

Finally, the camera pans into the rabbit’s cave and we see a mean-looking, huge lion, sitting, picking his teeth and belching, next to some furry, bloody remnants of the wolf and the fox.

The moral: It’s not the contents of your thesis that are important – it’s your PhD advisor that really counts.

I’ve been doing my psychology PhD thesis on the mental health and well-being of little people.

After 4 long years and multiple studies, I’ve concluded…

6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t Happy.

What do you call someone who does a BA in Arts, a MA in English and a PhD in Gender Studies?

A well educated Barista.

To the woman I met in the bar last night who was mad at me this morning…

I never said I had a PhD in theoretical physics. I said I had a theoretical PhD in physics.

What does PhD stand for?

Fancy Degree. It’s so fancy it’s spelled with a Ph.

After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD.

Or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

Due to the size of my student loans for my PhD I have debts no honest man could pay.

Luckily I’m a statistician.

What’s the difference between a PhD in mathematics and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

My PhD student claimed to have made a breakthrough in hyperbolic geometry.

Turns out he was just exaggerating.

I’m starting a charity for PhD students so they can finally afford to live on their own without the need for roommates.

It’s called “Doctors without Boarders.”

An illiterate dad and his son who has a PhD in astronomy went camping.

They unpacked and set up their tent.

After dinner they went to sleep.

A few hours later dad woke and was looking up at the stars.

He woke his son up and asked him, “What do you see?”

The son said, “Astronomically, it tells you that there are a lot of galaxies out there.”

His father interrupted, “No you idiot, someone stole the tent.”

What do call a fish with a PhD?

A brain sturgeon.

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Jokes About PhDs

If you liked these hilarious pun and jokes about PhDs, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:

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Share the fun:

With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions......... 1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

I'm starting a charity for phd students so they can finally afford to live on their own without the need for roommates....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

What does phd stand for, how to get a phd in music, what is the most common question that a person holding a phd in philosophy asks other people, my nerdy friend just got a phd on the history of palindromes., my socially anxious friend got a phd in palindromes., what do you call somebody with the phd in the field of drink carbonation, i've been doing my psychology phd thesis on the mental health and wellbeing of little people. after 4 long years and multiple studies, i've concluded..., why god never got a phd, i tell my dates i have a phd in sex talk., i have a phd, i have finally completed my phd in literary criticism..., right after i got my phd in theoretical physics, i was able to land a job at stanford, due to the size of my student loans for my phd i have debts no honest man could pay...., what's the difference between a phd in mathematics and a large pizza, what do call a fish with a phd, i was driving down a country road when i saw a sign: "talking dog for sale.", having a phd. gains you leverage in online dating, did you know that brian may, the guitarist from british rockband queen, has a phd on astrophysics, an illiterate dad and his son who has a phd in astrology went camping., who called it phd, i have a phd, a phd student, a post-doc, and their professor are walking through a city park., for my phd thesis, i wanted to write the best researched paper about general relativity, so my crush wants a guy with a phd, why are black people unable to get a phd, i’m like dr. strange without the phd and magic cape., a gen z kid and a boomer walk into a bar, hospitals are full of hypocrites, so, i have this friend who studied to become an egyptologist, what do you call a black man with a phd , what does dr. pepper have his phd in, an awkward friend of mine just finished his phd in palindrome theory.., a harvard grad with a phd and a redneck with a 5th grade education are in a contest, after many years of studying at a university, i’ve finally become a phd, my phd student claims to have made a breakthrough in hyperbolic mathematics, a us navy cruiser anchored in mississippi for a week's shore leave., why dentist don't like phd holders , i've decided to get a phd in how much soda you should have for the end of the world., a physicist, an engineer and a statistician are on a hunting trip..., how do you make a venetian blind, one day, a red fruit loop looked at himself in the mirror and said, "i need to become an orange fruit loop.", engineer and an academic on a plane, a rabbit says to a fox, "i'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes", a man walks into a brothel with $100, after working long and hard for my phd people finally recognize me.., a white girl, an asian girl and a black girl are on a plane..., there once was hippo child prodigy., my chemistry professor e-mailed this joke to me., comeback school, educated sons, did you hear about the octopus who works as a therapist (nsfw), jeffrey vs. clown (long), a man goes to the circus, a doctor who was proud of his degrees..., why there are led lights now.

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Laughing at the Life of a Ph.D.: 107+ Hilarious Ph.D. Jokes

Introduction.

Pursuing a Ph.D. is an impressive and challenging journey filled with academic rigor and intellectual growth. But every scholar deserves a break and a good laugh.

In this article, we bring you a collection of light-hearted Ph.D . jokes that will tickle your funny bone. Let’s take a humorous detour from the world of academia and enjoy a bit of academic humor!

Ph.D. Jokes

Why did the Ph.D. student bring a ladder to class? To get to the highbrow discussions, of course!
What do you call a Ph.D. student who enjoys gardening? A “doctor in bloomology.”
Why did the Ph.D. student stay up all night? Because they were trying to find the elusive “eureka” moment.
How does a Ph.D. student greet someone? “Hey, I’m a doctor. Well, almost.”
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a notebook to the conference? To record all the “wise” remarks!
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite type of music? “Theore-melodies.”
Why did the Ph.D. student love math jokes? Because they were absolutely “integer”-taining.
What do you call a Ph.D. student’s favorite place in the library? The “thesis” section, of course!
Why did the Ph.D. student have a pet owl? Because it’s the only bird that can say “dissertation”!
How does a Ph.D. student solve a problem? They form a “committee” and write a proposal, of course!
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite word? “Citation,” because they love giving credit where credit is due.
Why did the Ph.D. student carry a backpack to the lab? To make sure they had enough “space” for their research!
What do you call a Ph.D. student who moonlights as a chef? A “doctor in gastronomics.”
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a magnifying glass to the thesis defense? To “focus” on the finer details.
How does a Ph.D. student order coffee? “One caffeine molecule, please!”
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite app? “Notepad Pro,” for jotting down those groundbreaking ideas.
Why did the Ph.D. student choose to study chemistry? Because they wanted to have all the “solutions”!
What do you call a Ph.D. student’s favorite type of humor? “Academ-puns,” because they’re pun-derful!
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a thesaurus to the exam? To find a “synonym” for success!
How does a Ph.D. student get inspired? They read a thesis and think, “I can do better than that!”
What’s a Ph.D. student’s secret superpower? The ability to turn coffee into thesis chapters.
Why did the Ph.D. student attend the conference in pajamas? Because they believe in “sleep-search.”
What do you call a Ph.D. student’s preferred mode of transportation? The “scholar-ship.”
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a toolbox to the lecture? To “fix” any gaps in their knowledge.
How does a Ph.D. student describe their ideal date? “A peer-reviewed evening with intellectual compatibility.”
Why did the Ph.D. student start a bakery? Because they wanted to knead some “dough” for research.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite exercise? “Critical bench-pressing.”
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a telescope to the library? To find those obscure references, of course!
How does a Ph.D. student introduce themselves at a party? “I’m like a Ph.D., but funnier.”
Why did the Ph.D. student become a gardener? Because they wanted to conduct experiments on “plant-tations.”
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite subject in school? “Thesis-tory.”
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a highlighter to the lab? To make sure they didn’t “research” in the dark.
How does a Ph.D. student describe their research? “Like solving a mystery, but with more coffee.”
What’s a Ph.D. student’s preferred form of communication? “Hypo-thesis statements.”
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a ladder to the graduation ceremony? To reach new heights of accomplishment.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite holiday? “Dissertation Day” – it’s like Christmas for scholars!
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a bag of alphabet pasta to the exam? To spell out the answers.
How does a Ph.D. student tell time? “In thesis chapters, of course!”
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite game? “Hide and Publish,” because they’re always hunting for elusive research.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a GPS to the conference? To navigate through the sea of academic jargon.

Funny Ph.D. One-Liners

What’s a Ph.D. student’s go-to snack? “Data chips,” for intellectual sustenance.
Why did the Ph.D. student attend a stand-up comedy show during finals week? Because they needed a “study break” full of laughs.
How does a Ph.D. student decorate their office? With “post-grad” posters and a perpetual coffee pot.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite bedtime story? “The Thesaurus and the Hare.”
Why did the Ph.D. student choose to study psychology? Because they wanted to understand the “mind-boggling” aspects of academia.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite outdoor activity? “Peer-reviewed hiking” for fresh air and fresh ideas.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a map to the research expedition? To prove that they were “on the right track.”
How does a Ph.D. student stay warm in the winter? With a “thesis scarf” to keep the cold drafts of doubt away.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s ideal vacation destination? The “Library of Paradise,” where they can read and relax.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a jar of pickles to the lab? Because they heard it was a great way to conduct “dill-experiments.”
Why did the Ph.D. student become a musician? Because they wanted to research the “sound science” of laughter.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite breakfast cereal? “Hypothesis Puffs,” for a scholarly start to the day.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a compass to the conference? To ensure they never lost their way in academic discussions.
How does a Ph.D. student organize their bookshelf? “By the Dewey Decimal System, but with a thesis on top.”
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite place in the world? The “Library of Alexandria,” if it were still standing.
Why did the Ph.D. student become a meteorologist? Because they wanted to predict the “forecast” for groundbreaking research.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite accessory? A “pro-thesis” cap, for those moments of academic celebration.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a ruler to the research lab? To ensure their data was always “measurelessly accurate.”
How does a Ph.D. student describe their social life? “Data-driven and hypothesis-hopeful.”
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite board game? “Stratego…thesis edition,” for intellectual battles.
Why did the Ph.D. student start a podcast? To discuss their findings and hypotheses with a “sound” audience.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s preferred mode of transportation? The “thesis-tube,” for quick journeys through knowledge.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a magnifying glass to the library? To find the tiniest details in the sea of information.
How does a Ph.D. student send text messages? With “peer-reviewed emojis” and scholarly language.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite kind of art? “Ab-stract,” because they appreciate the obscure and unexplained.
Why did the Ph.D. student become a detective? To solve the mysteries of “unsolved hypotheses.”
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite place to unwind? “The Quiet Room,” for moments of silent contemplation.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a calculator to the lab? To prove that research was a “calculated risk.”
How does a Ph.D. student plan a surprise party? With a “double-blind invitation” to ensure no leaks.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s preferred pet? A “research retriever,” for their love of collecting data.
Why did the Ph.D. student become an artist? To illustrate the “abstract art of academia.”
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite season? “Thesis-writing season,” of course!
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a map to the library? To navigate through the “volumes of wisdom.”
How does a Ph.D. student pack for a vacation? With “peer-reviewed luggage” and well-documented travel plans.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite superhero? “Doctor Strange,” for his mystical approach to research.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a broom to the lab? To sweep away any research dust.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite hobby? “Sudoku-solving,” for those moments of brain training.
Why did the Ph.D. student become a puzzle enthusiast? Because they loved piecing together “data jigsaw puzzles.”
How does a Ph.D. student prepare for a presentation? They practice their “thesis-timony” until it’s perfect.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite type of poetry? “Haiku-ptheses,” for concise academic expression.

Humorous Ph.D. Jokes

Why did the Ph.D. student bring a flashlight to the library? To shine a light on obscure references.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite way to relax? “Data-day spa” for intellectual pampering.
Why did the Ph.D. student start a YouTube channel? To share their “theoretical tutorials” with the world.
How does a Ph.D. student pack for a conference? With “hypothesis-suitcases” full of academic attire.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite musical instrument? The “research drum,” for intellectual beats.
Why did the Ph.D. student become a crossword enthusiast? To solve “knowledge crosswords.”
What’s a Ph.D. student’s go-to accessory? A “thesis-ring” for intellectual commitment.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a magnifying glass to the lecture? To scrutinize every detail of the topic.
How does a Ph.D. student stay cool during the summer? With a “dissertation fan” to beat the heat.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite genre of literature? “Nonfiction-fiction,” for scholarly reading.
Why did the Ph.D. student become a historian? To uncover the “histo-theses” of the past.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite workout routine? “Thesis-robics,” for mental fitness.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a dictionary to the lab? To define success one word at a time.
How does a Ph.D. student take notes? With “annotated annotations” and meticulous highlighting.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite musical genre? “Ph.D.-estrian,” because they walk to the beat of their own research.
Why did the Ph.D. student start a blog? To share their “research musings” with the world.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite movie genre? “Docu-mentaries,” for factual entertainment.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a lab coat to the art museum? To investigate the “canvas of creativity.”
How does a Ph.D. student unwind after a long day of research? With a “peer-reviewed cup of tea.”
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite way to stay organized? “Thesis-planners” for academic scheduling.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a suitcase to the library? Because they wanted to check out a lot of knowledge.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite app? “Thesisbook,” for social networking with fellow scholars.
Why did the Ph.D. student become a chef? To master the “recipe for research.”
How does a Ph.D. student navigate through a dense academic text? With a “thesis GPS” to find their way.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s favorite type of music? “Dissertation-strumental,” for focused study sessions.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a backpack to the conference? To carry all their “intellectual baggage.”
How does a Ph.D. student organize their desk? With “peer-reviewed piles” of papers and books.
What’s a Ph.D. student’s preferred workout? “Hypo-thigh-sis” exercises to stay in shape.
Why did the Ph.D. student bring a stopwatch to the lecture? To measure the time spent on each topic.
How does a Ph.D. student order food at a restaurant? They ask for the “thesis special,” of course!

Jokes About Teacher Student

Jokes About Medical Students

A Ph.D. journey may be a serious pursuit, but a good laugh can always be a refreshing break. These Ph.D. jokes remind us that humor can be found in even the most intellectual of places. So, whether you’re a Ph.D. student or not, let’s appreciate the lighter side of academia.

Are these Ph.D. jokes meant to make fun of Ph.D. students?

Not at all! These jokes are meant to celebrate the academic journey with humor and affection, highlighting the lighter aspects of the Ph.D. experience.

Can Ph.D. students relate to these jokes?

Ph.D. students often enjoy academic humor and can certainly relate to the unique challenges and experiences referenced in these jokes.

Is humor important during a Ph.D. journey?

Yes, humor can be a valuable tool for maintaining a positive outlook, relieving stress, and fostering camaraderie among Ph.D. students.

65+ Best Doctor Jokes For Your Physician

After a long, stressful day of practicing medicine, there’s nothing like some good doctor jokes to tickle your funny bone. Use this list of doctor jokes to find humorous puns, stories, and one-liners to share with your loved ones in the medical field. Quote a one-liner and take a crack at comedy while at the doctor’s office to lighten your physician’s mood. Better yet, send a funny doctor pun to a co-worker or friend that works in medicine. It doesn’t matter whether they’re an eye doctor or a surgeon. Either way, these doctor jokes are sure to elicit a smile.

Hilarious Doctor Jokes

Every time you visit the doctor, make sure to read one of these hilarious doctor jokes to them:

Forget-Me-Not

Doctor: “You have high blood pressure and amnesia.”

Patient: “Well, at least I don’t have high blood pressure!”

The Surgery Prodigy

Patient: “Hey Doc, is there any chance I’ll be able to play the violin after the operation?”

Doctor: “After some healing, yes, of course!”

Patient: “Great! How exciting. I never could before!”

Fruit Salad, Yummy, Yummy

One day, a woman walks into a doctor’s office. She has a cucumber in her nose, a carrot in her left ear, and a banana in her right ear.

“What’s wrong with me?” she asks the doctor.

“You’re not eating properly,” he replies.

The Flirty Doctor

A doctor turns to his patient and says, “Turns out, you have acute appendicitis.”

The patient blushed and replied, “Compared to who?”

The Bladder of a Peanut

How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone?

“Urology office— can you hold?”

New Dad Syndrome

A man frantically calls the doctor and says, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!”

“Is this her first child?” the doctor responds.

The man replies, “No, you idiot! This is her husband!”

You’re Number 1

What is awarded to Dentist of the Year?

A little plaque.

Another Day, Another Dollar

Doctor: “I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. Any news on how he’s doing?”

Nurse: “So far, still no change.”

Tick Tock Goes the Clock

Doctor: “Mr. Jones, you may want to sit down. I have some bad news and some very bad news… which would you like to hear first?”

Mr. Jones: “Oh jeez, I guess I’ll take the bad news first.”

Doctor: “The bad news” doctor notes, “is that I got your test results and you have 24 hours to live.”

Mr. Jones: “What?!” the man goes, “How could there possibly be worse news than that?!”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”

Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?

Only if you aim it well enough!

Hindsight is 20/20

Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine?

I heard he really made a spectacle out of himself.

Feeling Shaky

Patient: “Please help me! I can’t stop my hands from shaking.”

Doctor: “Do you drink often?”

Patient: “Not really, I end up spilling most of it.”

Aches and Pains

A woman went to the doctor complaining of pain all over her body.

“I hurt all over,” she said.

“What do you mean all over?” the doctor asked, “Can you be a little more specific?”

The woman proceeded to touch her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then her nose and yelled again, “Ouch! That also hurts.” Then she touched her left earlobe and yelled again, “Even that hurts doc.”

After examining her, the doctor came to a conclusion… the woman had a broken finger.

Needing Reassurance

Patient: “Hey doc, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.”

Doctor: “No worries here, that won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia, he will die of pneumonia.”

A Game of Telephone

A guy strolls into work with both of his ears bandaged up.

His boss asks him, “Jeez, what happened to your ears?”

“Well, yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron.”

“Well that explains one ear,” the boss replied, “but what about the other one?”

“I had to call the doctor!”

He Has the Cure

One day, a man stumbled into his doctor’s office with a terrible cold. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didn’t help. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t help either.

When the man returned again, the doctor told him, “Go home. Take a hot bath, and when you get out, open all the windows and stand in the draft.”

“But if I do that, I’ll risk getting pneumonia doc,” replied the man.

“I know,” said the doctor, “but I can cure pneumonia!”

Full Circle

A Short History of Medicine:

“Doctor I have a headache.”

2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”

1000 B.C. – “That root is a demon, say this prayer.”

1850 A.D. – “That prayer is a superstition, drink this potion.”

1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”

1985 A.D. – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”

2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

A Realistic Game of “Doctor”

A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”

“Oh no, honey. What happened?”

“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

Hospital Improvement

One day, a man walked into a doctor’s office and told the receptionist he had shingles. She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat.

A few minutes later, a nurse’s aid came out. She called his name, and asked him what he has while leading him to the examination room. He responded by saying, “Shingles,” and she told him to wait in the exam room.

Ten minutes later, a nurse came in and asked what he has. “Shingles,” he responded. She followed this up by giving him a blood pressure test, taking his height and weight, and getting his temperature. Before exiting the room, she told him to take off all of his clothes put on a robe, and wait for the doctor.

Twenty minutes later, the doctor entered and asked him what he has.

“Shingles,” the man replied.

“Where?” asked the doctor.

“Outside in the truck,” the man responded, “Where do you want them?”

Patient Check-In

A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, “Hello, I want to know if there’s any sign that a patient is improving at all.”

The receptionist asks, “What is the patient’s name and room number?”

“Of course,” the woman replied, “Sarah Finkel, Room 304.”

The receptionist responds by saying, “Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, if her blood pressure continues to improve like it is then Dr. Cohen is looking to send her home on Tuesday!”

“That’s fantastic,” the woman replied, “oh, I’m so thrilled!”

“From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?”

The woman replied, “I’m Sarah Finkel in 302! Dr. Cohen doesn’t tell me a word.”

Caffeinated

A patient went to her optometrist and said, “Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. Any idea what it could be?”

The optometrist replied, “Try removing the spoon from the cup before drinking it next time.”

Tunnel Vision

A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks what’s wrong.

“I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes,” the man complains.

“Have you ever seen a doctor?” she asks.

“No, just spots ma’am.”

Truth Hurts

Doctor: You are very ill.

Patient: Is it okay if I get a second opinion?

Doctor: Of course! You are very ugly too.

Straight and Narrow

Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side?

No worries, I hear he’s all right now!

Grammar School

What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school?

Hopefully not your doctor.

Sleeping Beauty

Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet?

So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

Veterinarian’s Sick Leave

One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. Once the doctor entered the exam room, he started asking all the usual questions about symptoms and how long they’ve persisted. The vet interrupted him by saying, “Look, I’m a vet. I don’t have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. I can tell what’s wrong just by looking at them— why can’t you?”

The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. After he handed it to her, he said, The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. After he handed it to her, he said, “I figured it out, so good news patient, well here’s your prescription. Of course, if that doesn’t work then we’ll just have to put you down.”

Pianists Dilemma

“Are you an organ donor?”

“No, but one time I donated an old piano to the Salvation Army!”

Doctor’s Orders

Woman on the Phone: My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now?

Doctor: “ Give him a headache!” says the doctor.

Chicken Scratch

Patient: Someone vandalized my house last night!

Doctor: Okay, but why are you telling me about this?

Patient: I couldn’t read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that did it.

A Brand New Coin Purse

What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money?

“Are you seeing any change in me?”

What’s the Difference?

What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?

One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what they treat.

Research Gone Wrong

What is a double-blind study?

Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.

New Year, New Me

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day. While on the operating table, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God.

“Is my time up?” she asked him.

“No,” God answered, “you still have 40 years, 5 months, and 3 days to live.”

Upon recovery, the woman felt sublime. She decided that if she had so much time left to live, she might as well make the most of it. Therefore, she had a facelift, a tummy tuck, and died her hair before exiting the hospital.

After her tummy tuck was over, she was released from the hospital. However, while crossing the street on the way out, she was hit by a car and immediately died.

When arriving in front of God, the woman asked, “I thought you said I had another 40 years?! Why didn’t you save me?”

“I didn’t recognize you, ” God replied.

Doctor’s Doodles

Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?

In case she wanted to draw blood!

Give Me a Hand

One day, a man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally saws off all ten of his fingers. He rushes to the emergency room to get help.

“Give me the fingers and I’ll see what I can do!” the doctor said.

“But I don’t have the fingers doc!”

“What? Why wouldn’t you bring your fingers?” asks the doctor.

“I couldn’t pick them up!”

Funny One-Liner Doctor Jokes

The patient-doctor relationship is an important one! The next time you see your doctor, tell them these hilarious jokes:

General One-Liners

They tried to save him with an IV but it was all in vein.

Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

Better save that, we’re going to need it for the autopsy.
That party last night was wild! I can’t believe how drunk I got.
Alright, now, snap a shot from this angle. This person is truly a freak of nature!
Wait, so if this is his kidney, then what is that ?
Alright now, pass me that uh, that uh, thing…”
If I could only remember how they handled this situation on ER last week!
Does anyone know if someone has survived from 400 mL of this stuff before?
Ugh, there goes the lights! Going in blind I guess.
I heard that kidneys go for big money on the black market and this guy has both of his!
Can you stop that thing from beating? It’s throwing off my concentration here.
Ugh, I just realized I left my glasses at home.
Well, guys, this will be an experiment for each of us.
Steril, schmeril. It’s been rinsed right?
No worries, I think it’s sharp enough or, I guess well find out!
I’m not sure what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice!
I don’t know what went wrong, but we need to fix it, fast!
Let’s hurry because I do not want to miss the Real Housewives!
This laughing gas stuff is wild, can you pass me some more?
Hey Jim, mind unzipping the bag on that guy? It seems like he’s still a live patient.
Fire! Fire! Everyone out!

You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if…

…discussing surgical procedures during dinner seems normal to you.
…you think coffee should be made available in IV form.
…your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
…you have to remind yourself to slow down when you’re eating, even when you’re at a nice restaurant.
…you’re superstitious about someone saying, “Jeez, things have slowed down a lot.”
…you think “great veins” even when you’re walking down the street, looking at strangers.
…a patient said, “I have no idea how it got stuck in there, but please help me get it out.”

How Many Doctors Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

That depends on whether or not the bulb has health insurance.
None. They just prescribe it Vicodin and tell it to call for a refill if necessary.
Only one, but the nurse has to tell the doctor which end to screw in first.
Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill the procedure.

Sleeping With A Doctor

Once the two doctors finish making love, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands. As she comes back the male doctor says , “I bet you are a surgeon”. She confirms and asks how he knew. “Easy, you’re always washing your hands.”

She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.”

The male doctor says, “Wow, how did you guess?”

The female doctor says, “I didn’t feel a thing.”

Doctor-Patient Discussions

Patient: “Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.”

Doctor: “How do you feel?”

Patient: “A little down in the mouth.”

Short, Funny Doctor Jokes

Share these doctor jokes with your friends and family. Even if they’re not in the medical field, they can appreciate these hilarious doctor jokes:

Why did the pillow go to the doctor? He was feeling all stuffed up!
Why did the ladybird go to the doctor? She had spots!
Why did the mattress go to the doctors? It had a spring.
Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future.” Doctor: “When did this start?” Patient: “Next Tuesday.”
“Doctor, I’ve got a month to live. You sent me a bill for $1,000. I can’t pay that before the end of the month!” Doctor: “OK, then you have six months to live.”
Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a strawberry stuck in my ear!” Doctor: “Don’t worry, I have some cream for that.”

Katee Fletcher

Katee’s passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life.

Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com

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PhD Memes About Research Life | High Impact PhD memes

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This is how i run my phd life with research problems and life problems, research gap identified, a night before thesis defense, when my supervisor shouts at me, position to read article in pdf, references and review paper, i heard he’s doing phd in stress management, ilovephd’s meme presented in the final thesis defense, how deadlines chsing me, motivation during first and final year of the phd, can you proof read my article, cofee with first publication motivate a lot, ph.d. couple goals | we love phd, forget princess i want to be a scientist – phd memes, difference between first and fifth year in lab, phd scholar after thesis defence, graphical abstract vs. abstract – phd memes, welcome to phd – memes, when you notice people reading your research work but no one citing it., where is the novelty, phd advisor before and after phd admission, what if someone had published your idea, eat and innovate, difference between theory and practice, procrastination to write a research paper, advisor with new project ideas, what i am doing in life | why i joined phd, show the difference between existing vs proposed work, before deadline vs after deadline, when your experiment gives outstanding result but you don’t know how, the idea of graduating and having to write my thesis, when scholar says he/she will submit manuscript draft tomorrow, but it’s been 6 months now, when everything is going wring in your life but you’re used to it, study vs stress meme, lab on sunday, when you start thinking about your research during dinner.

Explore the world of “High Impact PhD Memes,” where humor meets academia. This collection of memes delves into the unique challenges and relatable moments of the PhD journey. From battling writer’s block to celebrating small victories, these memes capture the essence of research life. Join fellow doctoral candidates in sharing a laugh and finding solace in shared experiences. Get ready to dive into the comical side of academia!

Check this impact meme, interesting and funny PhD memes about research life from iLovePhD Memes Facebook Page

“High Impact PhD Memes” offers a humorous and relatable glimpse into the world of research and academia. These memes resonate with the experiences of doctoral candidates, highlighting the challenges, victories, and moments of camaraderie that define the PhD journey. As we explore this collection, it becomes evident that humor can be a powerful tool for coping with the rigors of research life. So, whether you’re in the midst of your own PhD adventure or simply curious about the world of academia, these memes provide a lighthearted and insightful perspective that brings a smile to your face and a sense of connection to the scholarly community.

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111 Doctor Jokes

In the world of humor, doctors and medical professionals often become the subject of countless jokes and puns. From light-hearted wordplay to clever observations, these jokes bring a smile to our faces and offer a humorous perspective on the medical field.

In this collection of doctor jokes, we’ll explore a wide range of puns and playful humor that revolves around doctors, patients, and various medical situations. These jokes playfully highlight the stereotypical traits associated with doctors while weaving clever wordplay into medical scenarios. Let’s dive into this lighthearted world of doctor jokes that will surely tickle your funny bone !

Top 111 Doctor Jokes:

Why don’t doctors trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumby.
Why did the tomato turn red at the doctor’s office? Because it saw the salad dressing!
What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URLologist.
Why did the doctor carry a red pen ? In case he needed to draw blood .
What do you call a doctor who always has to work from home? An operator.
What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
Why don’t doctors play hide and seek ? Because nobody will take their call.
Why did the doctor carry an umbrella? He wanted to reign in the health sector!
What did the thermometer say to the doctor? “You make my temperature rise!”
How does a doctor examine a snake ? Very carefully!
Why did the M&M go to the doctor? Because it felt shell shocked.
What did the doctor say to the rocket ? “You have a slight booster infection.”
Why did the scarecrow become a doctor? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Why did the doctor bring a ladder to the clinic? He wanted to get to the root of the problem.
What do you call a doctor who doesn’t take a lunch break? Dr. Continuous.
Why was the belt sent to the doctor? It had a tight squeeze.
What did the doctor say to the sofa? “You need to take stress off your cushions.”
Why do doctors make the best jazz musicians? Because they have all the right instruments.
What do you call a doctor who’s also a mechanic ? A car-diologist.
Why did the doctor go to the art class? To learn how to draw blood.
What do you call a nervous doctor? A stetho-scope-out-the-situation type!
Why don’t doctors ever get a day off? Because they have too many patients!
What’s a doctor’s favorite type of music ? Organ music.
Why don’t doctors play poker ? Because they don’t like to deal with hearts.
What do you call a doctor who’s also a gardener ? A plant-demic specialist.
Why did the germ go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
What’s a doctor’s least favorite type of note? A sick note.
Why do doctors always seem calm? They have a lot of patients.
Why don’t doctors trust salad? Because it’s always dressing!
What did the doctor say to the window? “You’re pane-fully clear.”
Why was the doctor always quiet? He didn’t want to stirrup trouble.
What do you call a doctor who is always on the computer ? A surgeon general of the internet.
Why did the balloon go to the doctor? It felt light-headed.
Why did the clock go to the doctor? It had a tick .
What do you call a doctor who cures hiccups? A hic-cure-atologist.
Why did the light bulb go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very bright.
Why was the doctor good at golf ? His patients helped him perfect his swing!
Why did the doctor keep his door open? Because he couldn’t stand a closed operation.
Why did the doctor get an award? Because he was an extraordinary surgeon!
Why did the doctor always carry a flashlight? Because he wanted to highlight the problem.
What kind of exercise do doctors do at the gym ? Cardio-graphy.
Why did the music note go to the doctor? Because it had trouble with its scales.
Why did the doctor go to the bank? He wanted to check his patients’ balance.
What did the sushi say to the doctor? “I’m feeling a little fishy.”
What do you call a doctor who always wears pink ? A pink-titioner.
What do you call a doctor who fixes kitchen appliances? A microwave surgeon.
Why did the bicycle fall over at the doctor’s office? It was two-tired.
Why did the doctor go to school ? He had a lot of patients to learn!
Why was the computer cold at the doctor’s office? It left its Windows open.
Why did the doctor keep a tank of helium? Because he wanted to lift his patients’ spirits.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
What did the doctor say to the soda can? “Stop your fizz-ical activity for a while.”
Why did the doctor always wear glasses ? To have a clear vision about the problem.
Why did the tree go to the doctor? It felt like it was falling apart.
Why did the doctor visit the music concert ? To check the high notes.
What do you call a doctor who can play the drums ? A beat-atrician.
What did the cell say to the doctor? “I feel all split up.”
What did the doctor say to the sun ? “You’re burning up.”
Why don’t doctors ever lose in a fight ? Because they have a lot of patients.
What do you call a doctor who’s good at archery ? A bow-tician.
What do you call a doctor who always looks at the bright side? An optimetrist.
Why did the avocado go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling ripe.
What did the doctor say to the beach ? “You’re shore not looking well.”
Why did the doctor carry a notebook? To jot down the pulse of the matter.
What did the blanket say to the doctor? “I’ve got the chills.”
Why did the snowman go to the doctor? It had a bad case of frostbite.
What do you call a doctor who’s also a magician ? A heal-usionist.
Why did the lettuce go to the doctor? It had heart romaine problems.
Why did the coffee bean go to the doctor? It felt a little ground down.
What did the book say to the doctor? “I have a bad spine .”
Why did the doctor go to the bakery ? He heard they had an excellent knead for dough.
What did the doctor say to the light switch? “You’re not very bright.”
Why did the potato go to the doctor? It was feeling a little fried.
Why did the jelly go to the doctor? It was feeling wobbly.
Why did the strawberry go to the doctor? It had hives.
What do you call a doctor who loves to grill? A roast-opath.
What do you call a doctor with a bird ? A crow-nologist.
What do you call a doctor who loves baking? A gastro-baker.
Why did the bell go to the doctor? It had a ringing in its ears .
Why did the doughnut go to the doctor? It had a hole-y problem.
Why did the watermelon go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very seed-y.
What did the nail say to the doctor? “I’m feeling a bit hammered .”
Why did the doctor always carry a pen? In case he had to scribble a prescription.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
What did the doctor say to the egg ? “You’re slightly cracked.”
What do you call a doctor who loves to swim? A swim-iatrist.
Why did the pepper go to the doctor? It felt a little hot.
What did the doctor say to the pencil ? “You’re too pointed.”
Why did the pasta go to the doctor? It was feeling saucy.
Why did the corn go to the doctor? It was feeling a-maize-ing.
Why did the carrot go to the doctor? It was feeling a bit rooted.
What did the tooth say to the dentist ? “You know the drill.”
Why did the calendar go to the doctor? Its days were numbered.
What do you call a doctor who’s also a chef? A culinary cardiologist .
Why did the crayon go to the doctor? It felt a little off-color.
What did the doctor say to the printer? “Your color seems a bit off.”
Why did the lemon go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very zesty.
What did the doctor say to the moon ? “You need to light up a little.”
Why did the hot dog go to the doctor? It was feeling a little grilled.
What do you call a doctor who’s also a barista? A brew-ologist.
Why did the chicken go to the doctor? It had a case of fowl play.
What do you call a doctor who loves gardening? A plant-demiologist.
Why did the grape go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling grape.
What did the doctor say to the jellybean? “You’re too sweet.”
Why did the lamp go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very light.
What did the doctor say to the river? “You’re running a little fast.”
Why did the chocolate go to the doctor? It was feeling a little melted.
What did the doctor say to the soda? “You’re too fizzy.”
Why did the peach go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very peachy.
What did the doctor say to the marshmallow ? “You’re too fluffy.”

In a world that can often be filled with stress and seriousness, doctor jokes provide a delightful escape and a chance to laugh at the amusing aspects of the medical profession. These jokes cleverly combine medical terms, puns, and wordplay to create humorous scenarios that resonate with people from all walks of life . From poking fun at doctor-patient interactions to imagining doctors in amusing situations, these jokes remind us to find humor even in the most serious professions.

So, the next time you’re feeling a little under the weather , remember these witty doctor jokes to brighten your day. Humor has the remarkable ability to uplift spirits and provide a moment of relief in the midst of life’s challenges. Let’s appreciate the humor that doctors and medical professionals bring to our lives and acknowledge the important role they play in keeping us healthy, all while sharing a good laugh together!

The 100 memes that immortalize my PhD defence

Sophie Dufour-Beauséjour 0

Sophie Dufour-Beauséjour works as a policy analyst for the Government of Canada’s Climate Change Preparedness in the North Program.

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I finished my PhD on sea-ice dynamics in Nunavik, an Inuit territory in the Canadian Arctic, during the pandemic. My defence took place on 30 October 2020, over Zoom.

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doi: https://doi.org/10.1038/d41586-021-01273-8

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