essay about losing a family member

Essays About Losing a Loved One: Top 5 Examples

Writing essays about losing a loved one can be challenging; discover our helpful guide with essay examples and writing prompts to help you begin writing. 

One of the most basic facts of life is that it is unpredictable. Nothing on this earth is permanent, and any one of us can pass away in the blink of an eye. But unfortunately, they leave behind many family members and friends who will miss them very much whenever someone dies.

The most devastating news can ruin our best days, affecting us negatively for the next few months and years. When we lose a loved one, we also lose a part of ourselves. Even if the loss can make you feel hopeless at times, finding ways to cope healthily, distract yourself, and move on while still honoring and remembering the deceased is essential.

5 Top Essay Examples

1. losing a loved one by louis barker, 2. personal reflections on coping and loss by adrian furnham , 3. losing my mom helped me become a better parent by trish mann, 4. reflection – dealing with grief and loss by joe joyce.

• 5. ​​Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

1. Is Resilience Glorified in Society?

2. how to cope with a loss, 3. reflection on losing a loved one, 4. the stages of grief, 5. the circle of life, 6. how different cultures commemorate losing a loved one.

“I managed to keep my cool until I realized why I was seeing these familiar faces. Once the service started I managed to keep my emotions in tack until I saw my grandmother break down. I could not even look up at her because I thought about how I would feel in the same situation. Your life can change drastically at any moment. Do not take life or the people that you love for granted, you are only here once.”

Barker reflects on how he found out his uncle had passed away. The writer describes the events leading up to the discovery, contrasting the relaxed, cheerful mood and setting that enveloped the house with the feelings of shock, dread, and devastation that he and his family felt once they heard. He also recalls his family members’ different emotions and mannerisms at the memorial service and funeral. 

“Most people like to believe that they live in a just, orderly and stable world where good wins out in the end. But what if things really are random? Counselors and therapists talk about the grief process and grief stages. Given that nearly all of us have experienced major loss and observed it in others, might one expect that people would be relatively sophisticated in helping the grieving?”

Furnham, a psychologist, discusses the stages of grief and proposes six different responses to finding out about one’s loss or suffering: avoidance, brief encounters, miracle cures, real listeners, practical help, and “giving no quarter.” He discusses this in the context of his wife’s breast cancer diagnosis, after which many people displayed these responses. Finally, Furnham mentions the irony that although we have all experienced and observed losing a loved one, no one can help others grieve perfectly.

“When I look in the mirror, I see my mom looking back at me from coffee-colored eyes under the oh-so-familiar crease of her eyelid. She is still here in me. Death does not take what we do not relinquish. I have no doubt she is sitting beside me when I am at my lowest telling me, ‘You can do this. You got this. I believe in you.’”

In Mann’s essay, she tries to see the bright side of her loss; despite the anguish she experienced due to her mother’s passing. Expectedly, she was incredibly depressed and had difficulty accepting that her mom was gone. But, on the other hand, she began to channel her mom into parenting her children, evoking the happy memories they once shared. She is also amused to see the parallels between her and her kids with her and her mother growing up. 

“Now I understood that these feelings must be allowed expression for as long as a person needs. I realized that the “don’t cry” I had spoken on many occasions in the past was not of much help to grieving persons, and that when I had used those words I had been expressing more my own discomfort with feelings of grief and loss than paying attention to the need of mourners to express them.”

Joyce, a priest, writes about the time he witnessed the passing of his cousin on his deathbed. Having experienced this loss right as it happened, he was understandably shaken and realized that all his preachings of “don’t cry” were unrealistic. He compares this instance to a funeral he attended in Pakistan, recalling the importance of letting grief take its course while not allowing it to consume you. 

5. ​​ Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

“Death. It’s certain. And we can’t do anything about that. In fact, we are not in control of many of the difficult circumstances of our lives, but we are responsible for how we respond to them. And I choose to honor their memory.”

Peterson discusses how she feels when she has to commemorate the anniversary of losing a loved one. She recalls the tragic deaths of her sister, two brothers, and granddaughter and describes her guilt and anger. Finally, she prays to God, asking him to help her; because of a combination of prayer and self-reflection, she can look back on these times with peace and hope that they will reunite one day. 

6 Thought-Provoking Writing Prompts on Essays About Losing A Loved One

Society tends to praise those who show resilience and strength, especially in times of struggle, such as losing a loved one. However, praising a person’s resilience can prevent them from feeling the pain of loss and grief. This essay explores how glorifying resilience can prevent a person from healing from painful events. Be sure to include examples of this issue in society and your own experiences, if applicable.

Loss is always tricky, especially involving someone close to your heart. Reflect on your personal experiences and how you overcame your grief for an effective essay. Create an essay to guide readers on how to cope with loss. If you can’t pull ideas from your own experiences, research and read other people’s experiences with overcoming loss in life.

If you have experienced losing a loved one, use this essay to describe how it made you feel. Discuss how you reacted to this loss and how it has impacted who you are today. Writing an essay like this may be sensitive for many. If you don’t feel comfortable with this topic, you can write about and analyze the loss of a loved one in a book, movie, or TV show you have seen. 

When we lose a loved one, grief is expected. There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Discuss each one and how they all connect. You can write a compelling essay by including examples of how the different stages are manifested in books, television, and maybe even your own experiences. 

Death is often regarded as a part of a so-called “circle of life,” most famously shown through the film, The Lion King . In summary, it explains that life goes on and always ends with death. For an intriguing essay topic, reflect on this phrase and discuss what it means to you in the context of losing a loved one. For example, perhaps keeping this in mind can help you cope with the loss. 

Different cultures have different traditions, affected by geography, religion, and history. Funerals are no exception to this; in your essay, research how different cultures honor their deceased and compare and contrast them. No matter how different they may seem, try finding one or two similarities between your chosen traditions. 

If you’d like to learn more, our writer explains how to write an argumentative essay in this guide.For help picking your next essay topic, check out our 20 engaging essay topics about family .

Martin is an avid writer specializing in editing and proofreading. He also enjoys literary analysis and writing about food and travel.

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Coping with Grief and Loss

Suicide grief: coping with a loved one’s suicide, coping with losing a pet, coping with a breakup or divorce, helping someone who’s grieving, excerpt: floating in the deep end by patti davis, coping with an alzheimer’s or dementia diagnosis.

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What is bereavement?

Understanding the grief of losing a loved one, grieving your loss, seek support, celebrate your loved one’s life, take care of yourself, when the pain of bereavement doesn’t ease up, what is complicated grief, finding professional help, bereavement: grieving the loss of a loved one.

Few things compare to the pain of losing someone you love. While there’s no way to avoid intense feelings of grief, there are healthier ways to come to terms with your loss.

Bereavement is the grief and mourning experience following the death of someone important to you. While it’s an inevitable part of life—something that virtually all of us go through at some point—losing someone you love can be one of the most painful experiences you’ll ever have to endure.

Whether it’s a close friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or other relative, the death of a loved one can feel overwhelming. You may experience waves of intense and very difficult emotions, ranging from profound sadness, emptiness, and despair to shock, numbness, guilt, or regret. You might rage at the circumstances of your loved one’s death—your anger focused on yourself, doctors, other loved ones, or God. You may even find it difficult to accept the person is really gone, or struggle to see how you can ever recover and move on from your loss.

Bereavement isn’t limited to emotional responses, either. Grief at the death of a loved one can also trigger physical reactions, including weight and appetite changes, difficulty sleeping, aches and pains, and an impaired immune system leading to illness and other health problems.

The level of support you have around you, your personality, and your own levels of health and well-being can all play a role in how grief impacts you following bereavement. But no matter how much pain you’re in right now, it’s important to know that there are healthy ways to cope with the anguish and come to terms with your grief. While life may never be quite the same again, in time you can ease your sorrow, start to look to the future with hope and optimism, and eventually move forward with your life.

Grieving the loss of a pet

Bereavement isn’t restricted to the death of a person. For many of us, our pets are also close companions or family members. So, when a pet dies, you can experience similar feelings of grief, pain, and loss. As with grieving for human loved ones, healing from the loss of an animal companion takes time, but there are ways to cope with your grief.

Read: Coping with Losing a Pet .

The intensity of your feelings often depends on the circumstances of your loved one’s death, how much time you spent anticipating their loss, your relationship to them, and your previous experiences of bereavement. Of course, just as no two relationships are the same, no two losses are ever the same, either.

In short, the more significant the person was in your life and the more feelings you had for them—regardless of their relationship to you—the greater the impact their loss is likely to have.

Losing a spouse or partner

In addition to the emotional impact of grief, when you lose a spouse or romantic partner, you often have to deal with the stress of practical considerations such as funeral arrangements and financial issues , too. You may also have to explain your spouse’s death to your children and find a way to comfort them while simultaneously dealing with your own heartache.

Losing a romantic partner also means grieving the loss of your daily lifestyle, the loss of a shared history, and the loss of a future planned together. You may feel alone, despairing, and worried about the future. You could even feel guilty about somehow having failed to protect your partner, or angry at your loved one for leaving you.

Losing a parent

For younger children, losing a mother or father can be one of the most traumatic things that can happen in childhood. The death of the person you relied on, the person who loved you unconditionally, can shake your foundations and leave a huge, frightening void in your world. It’s also common for young children to blame themselves for a parent’s death, prolonging the pain of grief.

Even as an adult child, losing a parent can be extremely distressing. It’s easy to feel lost and for all those old childhood insecurities to suddenly return. You may gain some solace if your parent had a long and fulfilling life, but their death can also cause you to consider your own mortality. If you’ve lost both parents, you’re suddenly part of the older generation, a generation without parents, and you’re left to grieve your youth as well. And if your relationship with your parent wasn’t an easy one, their death can leave you wrestling with a host of conflicting emotions.

Losing a child

The loss of a child is always devastating. You’re not just losing the person they were, you’re also losing the years of promise, hopes, and dreams that lay ahead. The grief can be more intense, the bereavement process harder to navigate, and the trauma more acute .

As a parent, you feel responsible for your child’s health and safety, so the sense of guilt can often be overwhelming. Whether you lost your child in a miscarriage, as an infant, or after they’d grown up and left home, losing a child carries an additional weight of injustice. It feels unnatural for a parent to outlive their child, making it that much harder to find meaning and come to terms with their death.

Losing a child can also put a huge strain your relationship with your spouse or partner and make parenting any surviving children emotionally challenging.

Losing a friend

Close friendships bring joy, understanding, and companionship into our lives. In fact, they’re vital to our health and well-being, so it’s no wonder we can feel their loss so gravely.

When a close friend dies, though, it’s easy to feel marginalized, the closeness of your relationship not given the same significance as a family member or romantic partner. This can lead to what’s called disenfranchised grief , where your loss is devalued or you feel judged or stigmatized for feeling the loss so deeply.

Losing someone to suicide

The shock following a suicide can seem overwhelming. As well as mourning the loss of your loved one, you may also be struggling to come to terms with the nature of their death and the stigma that suicide can still carry.

While you may always be left with some unanswered questions about your loved one’s suicide, there are ways to resolve your grief and even gain some level of acceptance. Read: Suicide Grief.

Whatever your relationship to the person who died, it’s important to remember that we all grieve in different ways. There’s no single way to react. When you lose someone important in your life, it’s okay to feel how you feel. Some people express their pain by crying, others never shed a tear—but that doesn’t mean they feel the loss any less.

Don’t judge yourself, think that you should be behaving in a different way, or try to impose a timetable on your grief. Grieving someone’s death takes time. For some people, that time is measured in weeks or months, for others it’s in years.

Allow yourself to feel . The bereavement and mourning process can trigger many intense and unexpected emotions. But the pain of your grief won’t go away faster if you ignore it. In fact, trying to do so may only make things worse in the long run. To eventually find a way to come to terms with your loss, you’ll need to actively face the pain. As bereavement counselor and writer Earl Grollman put it, “The only cure for grief is to grieve.”

Grief doesn’t always move through stages . You may have read about the different “stages of grief” —usually denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, many people find that grief following the death of a loved one isn’t nearly that predictable. For some, grief can come in waves or feel more like an emotional rollercoaster. For others, it can move through some stages but not others. Don’t think that you should be feeling a certain way at a certain time.

[Read: Coping with Grief and Loss]

Prepare for painful reminders . Some days the pain of your bereavement may seem more manageable than others. Then a reminder such as a photo, a piece of music, or a simple memory can trigger a wave of painful emotions again. While you can’t plan ahead for such reminders, you can be prepared for an upcoming holiday, anniversary, or birthday that may reignite your grief. Talk to other friends and family ahead of time and agree on the best ways to mark such occasions.

Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one . Finding a way to continue forward with your life doesn’t mean your pain will end or your loved one will be forgotten. Most of us carry our losses with us throughout life; they become part of who we are. The pain should gradually become easier to bear, but the memories and the love you had for the person will always remain.

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When you lose someone you love, it’s normal to want to cut yourself off from others and retreat into your shell. But this is no time to be alone. Even when you don’t feel able to talk about your loss, simply being around other people who care about you can provide comfort and help ease the burden of bereavement.

Reaching out to those who care about you can also be an important first step on the road to healing. While some friends and relatives may be uncomfortable with your grief, plenty of others will be eager to lend support. Talking about your thoughts and feelings won’t make you a burden. Rather, it can help you make sense of your loved one’s death and find ways to honor their memory.

Lean on friends and family . Even those closest to you can struggle to know how to help during a time of bereavement, so don’t hesitate to tell others what you need—whether it’s helping with funeral arrangements or just being around to talk. If you don’t feel you have anyone you can lean on for support at this difficult time, look to widen your social network and build new friendships .

Focus on those who are “good listeners” . When you’re grieving the loss of a close friend or family member, the most important thing is to feel heard by those you confide in. But the raw emotion of your grief can make some people very uncomfortable. That discomfort can cause them to avoid you, say thoughtless or hurtful things, or lose patience when you talk about your loss. Don’t use their actions as a reason to isolate, though. Turn to those who are better able to listen and provide comfort.

Join a bereavement support group . Even when you have support from those closest to you, family and friends may not always know the best ways to help. Sharing your grief with others who have experienced similar losses can help you feel less alone in your pain. By listening to others share their stories, you can also gain valuable coping tips. To find a support group in your area, contact nearby hospitals, funeral homes, or counseling centers, or call a bereavement hotline listed below.

Talk to a bereavement counselor . If you’re struggling to accept your loss or your grief feels overwhelming, try talking to a bereavement or grief therapist —in-person or via video conferencing online. Confiding in a professional can help you work through emotions that may be too difficult to share with family or friends, deal with any unresolved issues from your loved one’s death, and find healthier ways to adapt to life following your loss.

[Read: Online Therapy: Is it Right for You?]

Draw comfort from your religion . If you’re religious, the specific mourning rituals of your faith can provide comfort and draw you together with others to share your grief. Attending religious services, reading spiritual texts, praying, meditating, or talking to a clergy member can also offer great comfort and help you derive meaning from your loved one’s death.

Using social media for grief support

Memorial pages on Facebook and other social media sites have become popular ways to inform a wide audience of a loved one’s passing and to find support. As well as allowing you to impart practical information, such as funeral plans, these pages allow friends and loved ones to post their own tributes or condolences. Reading such messages can often provide comfort for those grieving the loss.

Of course, posting sensitive content on social media has its risks. Memorial pages are often open to anyone. This may encourage people who hardly knew the deceased to post well-meaning but inappropriate comments or advice. Worse, memorial pages can also attract Internet trolls. There have been many well-publicized cases of strangers posting cruel or abusive messages on memorial pages.

[Read: Social Media and Mental Health]

To gain some protection on Facebook, for example, you can opt to create a closed group rather than a public page. This means people have to be approved by a group member before they can access the memorial. It’s also important to remember that while social media can be a useful tool for reaching out to others, it can’t replace the face-to-face support you need at this time.

Rituals such as a funeral or memorial service can fulfill important functions, allowing you to acknowledge and reflect on the person’s passing, remember their life, and say goodbye. In the period after a funeral, however, your grief can often become even more intense. Often, other people may appear to have moved on, while you’re left struggling to make sense of your “new normal”.

Remembering your loved one doesn’t have to end with the funeral, though. Finding ways of celebrating the person you loved can help maintain their memory and provide comfort as you move through the grieving process.

Keep a journal or write a letter to your loved one . Saying the things you never got to say to your loved one in life can provide an important emotional release and help you make sense of what you’re feeling.

Create a memorial . Building a memorial to your loved one, creating a website or blog, or compiling a photo album or scrapbook to highlight the love you shared can help promote healing. Planting flowers or a tree in your loved one’s memory can be particularly rewarding, allowing you to watch something grow and flourish as you tend to it.

Build a legacy . Starting a campaign or fundraiser in your loved one’s name, volunteering for a cause that was important to them, or donating to a charity they supported, for example, can help you find meaning in their loss. It can also add a sense of purpose as you move forward with your own life.

Continue to do things you used to do together . Perhaps you used to go to sports events with your loved one, listen to music, or take long walks together? There’s comfort in routine, so when it’s not too painful, continuing to do these things can be a way to mark your loved one’s life.

Remember your loved one in simple ways . Even simple acts such as lighting a candle, visiting a favorite place, or marking an important date can help the healing process.

When you’re grieving the death of a loved one, it’s easy to neglect your own health and welfare. But the stress, trauma, and intense emotions you’re dealing with at the moment can impact your immune system, affect your diet and sleep, and take a heavy toll on your overall mental and physical health.

Neglecting your well-being may even prolong the grieving process and make you more susceptible to depression or complicated grief. You’ll also find it harder to provide comfort to children or other vulnerable family members who are also grieving. However, there are simple steps you can take to nurture your health at this time.

Manage stress . It’s probably the last thing you feel like doing at the moment, but exercising is a powerful antidote to stress—and can help you sleep better at night. Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga are also effective ways to ease anguish and worry.

Spend time in nature . Immersing yourself in nature and spending time in green spaces can be a calming, soothing experience when you’re grieving. Try gardening, hiking, or walking in a park or woodland.

Pursue interests that enrich your life . Hobbies, sports, and other interests that add meaning and purpose to your life can bring a comforting routine back to your life following the upheaval of bereavement. They can also help connect you with others and nurture your spirit.

Eat and sleep well . Eating a healthy diet and getting enough rest at night can have a huge impact on your ability to cope with grief. If you’re struggling to sleep at this difficult time, there are supplements and sleep aids that may be able to help—just try not to rely on them for too long.

Avoid using alcohol or drugs to cope . While it’s tempting to use substances to help numb your grief and self-medicate your pain, in the long run excessive alcohol and drug use will only hamper your ability to grieve. Try using HelpGuide’s free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit as a healthier way to manage your emotions.

You may never truly get over the death of someone you love. But as time passes, it’s normal for difficult emotions such as sadness or anger to gradually ease as you begin to accept your loss and move forward with your life.

However, if you aren’t feeling better over time, or your pain is getting worse, it may be a sign that your grief has developed into a more serious problem, such as complicated grief or major depression.

Grief vs. depression

Distinguishing between grief and depression isn’t always easy as they share many symptoms, but there are ways to tell the difference:

• Grief can be a roller coaster. It involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix of good and bad days. Even when you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will still have moments of pleasure or happiness.
• With depression , on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant.

[Read: Depression Symptoms and Warning Signs]

Other symptoms that suggest depression, not just grief, include:

• Intense, pervasive sense of guilt.
• Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying.
• Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.
• Slow speech and body movements.
• Inability to function at home, work, or school.
• Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.

While the sadness of losing someone you love never goes away completely, it shouldn’t remain center stage. If the pain of the loss is so constant and severe that it keeps you from resuming your life, you may be suffering from a condition known as complicated grief or persistent complex bereavement disorder .

Complicated grief is like being stuck in an intense state of mourning. You may have trouble accepting the death long after it has occurred or be so preoccupied with the person who died that it disrupts your daily routine and undermines your other relationships.

Symptoms of complicated grief include:

• Intense longing and yearning for your deceased loved one.
• Intrusive thoughts or images of the person.
• Denial of the death or sense of disbelief.
• Imagining that your loved one is alive.
• Searching for the deceased in familiar places.
• Avoiding things that remind you of your loved one.
• Extreme anger or bitterness over your loss.
• Feeling that life is empty or meaningless.

Complicated grief and trauma

If your loved one’s death was sudden, violent, or otherwise extremely stressful or disturbing, complicated grief can manifest as psychological trauma or PTSD.

Being traumatized from the loss of a loved one can leave you feeling helpless and struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. But with the right guidance, you can make healing changes and move on with your life.

If you’re experiencing symptoms of complicated grief, trauma, or clinical depression, talk to a mental health professional right away. Left untreated, these conditions can lead to significant emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide. But treatment can help you get better.

[Read: Finding a Therapist Who can Help You Heal]

Contact a bereavement counselor or therapist if you:

• Feel like life isn’t worth living.
• Wish you had died with your loved one.
• Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it.
• Feel numb and disconnected for more than a few weeks.
• Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss.
• Are unable to perform your normal daily activities.

Crisis Call Center  at 775-784-8090

Cruse Bereavement Care  at 0808 808 1677

GriefLine  at (03) 9935 7400

Other support

Find a GriefShare group meeting near you  – Worldwide directory of support groups for people grieving the death of a family member or friend. (GriefShare)

Find Support  – Directory of programs and support groups in the U.S. for children experiencing grief and loss. (National Alliance for Grieving Children)

Chapter Locator  for finding help for grieving the loss of a child in the U.S. and  International Support  for finding help in other countries. (The Compassionate Friends)

If you're feeling suicidal…

Seek help immediately. Please read  Suicide Help , talk to someone you trust, or call a suicide helpline:

• In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255.
• In the UK, call 08457 90 90 90.
• In Australia, call 13 11 14.
• Or visit  IASP  to find a helpline in your country.

More Information

• Grief and Loss - A guide to preparing for and mourning the death of a loved one. (Harvard Medical School Special Health Report)
• Death and Grief - Article for teens on how to cope with grief and loss. (TeensHealth)
• Grief: Coping with Reminders after a Loss - Tips for coping with the grief that can resurface even years after you’ve lost a loved one. (Mayo Clinic)
• Life after Loss: Dealing with Grief - Guide to coping with grief and loss. (University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center)
• Bereavement - Symptoms, causes, and treatment. (Psychology Today)
• Bereavement and Grief - Mourning the loss of a loved one. (Mental Health America)
• Understanding Grief - Articles to help you cope with the grieving process. (Cruse Bereavement Care)
• Depressive Disorders. (2013). In Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders . American Psychiatric Association. Link
• Zisook, S., & Shear, K. (2009). Grief and bereavement: What psychiatrists need to know. World Psychiatry, 8 (2), 67–74. Link
• Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Stroebe, W. (2007). Health outcomes of bereavement. The Lancet, 370 (9603), 1960–1973. Link
• Simon, N. M., Wall, M. M., Keshaviah, A., Dryman, M. T., LeBlanc, N. J., & Shear, M. K. (2011). Informing the symptom profile of complicated grief. Depression and Anxiety, 28 (2), 118–126. Link
• Simon, N. M. (2013). Treating Complicated Grief. JAMA, 310 (4), 416–423. Link
• Corr, C. A. (1999). Enhancing the Concept of Disenfranchised Grief. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 38 (1), 1–20. Link
• Johansson, A. K., & Grimby, A. (2012). Anticipatory grief among close relatives of patients in hospice and palliative wards. The American Journal of Hospice & Palliative Care, 29 (2), 134–138. Link

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• Death And Dying

8 Popular Essays About Death, Grief & the Afterlife

Updated 05/4/2022

Published 07/19/2021

Joe Oliveto, BA in English

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

Death is a strange topic for many reasons, one of which is the simple fact that different people can have vastly different opinions about discussing it.

Jump ahead to these sections: 

Essays or articles about the death of a loved one, essays or articles about dealing with grief, essays or articles about the afterlife or near-death experiences.

Some fear death so greatly they don’t want to talk about it at all. However, because death is a universal human experience, there are also those who believe firmly in addressing it directly. This may be more common now than ever before due to the rise of the death positive movement and mindset.

You might believe there’s something to be gained from talking and learning about death. If so, reading essays about death, grief, and even near-death experiences can potentially help you begin addressing your own death anxiety. This list of essays and articles is a good place to start. The essays here cover losing a loved one, dealing with grief, near-death experiences, and even what someone goes through when they know they’re dying.

Losing a close loved one is never an easy experience. However, these essays on the topic can help someone find some meaning or peace in their grief.

1. ‘I’m Sorry I Didn’t Respond to Your Email, My Husband Coughed to Death Two Years Ago’ by Rachel Ward

Rachel Ward’s essay about coping with the death of her husband isn’t like many essays about death. It’s very informal, packed with sarcastic humor, and uses an FAQ format. However, it earns a spot on this list due to the powerful way it describes the process of slowly finding joy in life again after losing a close loved one.

Ward’s experience is also interesting because in the years after her husband’s death, many new people came into her life unaware that she was a widow. Thus, she often had to tell these new people a story that’s painful but unavoidable. This is a common aspect of losing a loved one that not many discussions address.

2. ‘Everything I know about a good death I learned from my cat’ by Elizabeth Lopatto

Not all great essays about death need to be about human deaths! In this essay, author Elizabeth Lopatto explains how watching her beloved cat slowly die of leukemia and coordinating with her vet throughout the process helped her better understand what a “good death” looks like.

For instance, she explains how her vet provided a degree of treatment but never gave her false hope (for instance, by claiming her cat was going to beat her illness). They also worked together to make sure her cat was as comfortable as possible during the last stages of her life instead of prolonging her suffering with unnecessary treatments.

Lopatto compares this to the experiences of many people near death. Sometimes they struggle with knowing how to accept death because well-meaning doctors have given them the impression that more treatments may prolong or even save their lives, when the likelihood of them being effective is slimmer than patients may realize.

Instead, Lopatto argues that it’s important for loved ones and doctors to have honest and open conversations about death when someone’s passing is likely near. This can make it easier to prioritize their final wishes instead of filling their last days with hospital visits, uncomfortable treatments, and limited opportunities to enjoy themselves.

3. ‘The terrorist inside my husband’s brain’ by Susan Schneider Williams

This article, which Susan Schneider Williams wrote after the death of her husband Robin Willians, covers many of the topics that numerous essays about the death of a loved one cover, such as coping with life when you no longer have support from someone who offered so much of it. 

However, it discusses living with someone coping with a difficult illness that you don’t fully understand, as well. The article also explains that the best way to honor loved ones who pass away after a long struggle is to work towards better understanding the illnesses that affected them. 

4. ‘Before I Go’ by Paul Kalanithi

“Before I Go” is a unique essay in that it’s about the death of a loved one, written by the dying loved one. Its author, Paul Kalanithi, writes about how a terminal cancer diagnosis has changed the meaning of time for him.

Kalanithi describes believing he will die when his daughter is so young that she will likely never have any memories of him. As such, each new day brings mixed feelings. On the one hand, each day gives him a new opportunity to see his daughter grow, which brings him joy. On the other hand, he must struggle with knowing that every new day brings him closer to the day when he’ll have to leave her life.

Coping with grief can be immensely challenging. That said, as the stories in these essays illustrate, it is possible to manage grief in a positive and optimistic way.

5. Untitled by Sheryl Sandberg

This piece by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s current CEO, isn’t a traditional essay or article. It’s actually a long Facebook post. However, many find it’s one of the best essays about death and grief anyone has published in recent years.

She posted it on the last day of sheloshim for her husband, a period of 30 days involving intense mourning in Judaism. In the post, Sandberg describes in very honest terms how much she learned from those 30 days of mourning, admitting that she sometimes still experiences hopelessness, but has resolved to move forward in life productively and with dignity.

She explains how she wanted her life to be “Option A,” the one she had planned with her husband. However, because that’s no longer an option, she’s decided the best way to honor her husband’s memory is to do her absolute best with “Option B.”

This metaphor actually became the title of her next book. Option B , which Sandberg co-authored with Adam Grant, a psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, is already one of the most beloved books about death , grief, and being resilient in the face of major life changes. It may strongly appeal to anyone who also appreciates essays about death as well.

6. ‘My Own Life’ by Oliver Sacks

Grief doesn’t merely involve grieving those we’ve lost. It can take the form of the grief someone feels when they know they’re going to die.

Renowned physician and author Oliver Sacks learned he had terminal cancer in 2015. In this essay, he openly admits that he fears his death. However, he also describes how knowing he is going to die soon provides a sense of clarity about what matters most. Instead of wallowing in his grief and fear, he writes about planning to make the very most of the limited time he still has.

Belief in (or at least hope for) an afterlife has been common throughout humanity for decades. Additionally, some people who have been clinically dead report actually having gone to the afterlife and experiencing it themselves.

Whether you want the comfort that comes from learning that the afterlife may indeed exist, or you simply find the topic of near-death experiences interesting, these are a couple of short articles worth checking out.

7. ‘My Experience in a Coma’ by Eben Alexander

“My Experience in a Coma” is a shortened version of the narrative Dr. Eben Alexander shared in his book, Proof of Heaven . Alexander’s near-death experience is unique, as he’s a medical doctor who believes that his experience is (as the name of his book suggests) proof that an afterlife exists. He explains how at the time he had this experience, he was clinically braindead, and therefore should not have been able to consciously experience anything.

Alexander describes the afterlife in much the same way many others who’ve had near-death experiences describe it. He describes starting out in an “unresponsive realm” before a spinning white light that brought with it a musical melody transported him to a valley of abundant plant life, crystal pools, and angelic choirs. He states he continued to move from one realm to another, each realm higher than the last, before reaching the realm where the infinite love of God (which he says is not the “god” of any particular religion) overwhelmed him.

8. “One Man's Tale of Dying—And Then Waking Up” by Paul Perry

The author of this essay recounts what he considers to be one of the strongest near-death experience stories he’s heard out of the many he’s researched and written about over the years. The story involves Dr. Rajiv Parti, who claims his near-death experience changed his views on life dramatically.

Parti was highly materialistic before his near-death experience. During it, he claims to have been given a new perspective, realizing that life is about more than what his wealth can purchase. He returned from the experience with a permanently changed outlook.

This is common among those who claim to have had near-death experiences. Often, these experiences leave them kinder, more understanding, more spiritual, and less materialistic.

This short article is a basic introduction to Parti’s story. He describes it himself in greater detail in the book Dying to Wake Up , which he co-wrote with Paul Perry, the author of the article.

Essays About Death: Discussing a Difficult Topic

It’s completely natural and understandable to have reservations about discussing death. However, because death is unavoidable, talking about it and reading essays and books about death instead of avoiding the topic altogether is something that benefits many people. Sometimes, the only way to cope with something frightening is to address it.

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Blog > Common App , Essay Advice > Should You Write Your College Essay About Losing a Loved One?

Should You Write Your College Essay About Losing a Loved One?

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Alex McNeil, MA Admissions Consultant

Key Takeaway

Losing a loved one, especially in high school, can upend how you view the world.

It’s only natural that you’d want to write your Common Application personal statement about it.

Writing about death is always difficult, and it is especially difficult in a college application essay. It can take twice the time and effort to craft a personal statement about so emotional a topic.

Since it’s a more challenging topic, you should be sure that writing about the death of a loved one is the right choice for you.

While some advice may say otherwise, writing about traumatic experiences does not increase your chances of admission, so don’t feel forced to write about the death of a loved one just because you think that’s what admissions offices want to see.

You should write about your loss if it’s the topic that will allow you to tell your most authentic story.

So before you begin writing, consider a few critical questions to determine whether (and how) you should write your college essay about losing a loved one.

Questions to ask yourself before writing your college essay about death

As much as admissions officers are humans who care about your wellbeing, they also have criteria with which they must evaluate your personal statement. While they will empathize with your grief, at the end of the day, your essay still needs to hold its own against thousands of others.

Sometimes essays about death can do just that, poignantly and with heart. But other times, students aren’t ready. And that’s okay too.

Ask yourself the following questions and think honestly about your answers.

1. Are you really ready to think, write, and revise critically?

Grief can muddle your ideas into incomprehensible gray blobs. Your heightened sensitivity may also make the critical revision process exhausting.

But your college essay still has to shine with clarity and coherence .

It’s important that you ask yourself if you’re ready to do the detailed writing and editing that is required of personal statements.

2. Can you find a respectful balance that allows you to center yourself?

Students most frequently make the mistake of writing essays that center the person who has passed rather than themselves.

While a tribute to your loved one is a beautiful thing, your college essay has a major job to do. It needs to tell admissions officers about you.

For whatever reason, if you can’t bring the focus to yourself, you might consider writing about another topic.

3. Will you be able to process before and while writing? And if it’s not that hard to process, should you consider a different topic?

Writing is a powerful way to process tragedy. The very act can help you heal and find new direction. But the process can be intimate, and you may not want to share the information with strangers.

Your college essay also requires you to go beyond reflection to craft a thoughtful and organized essay.

So be sure that you’ve reached a point in your journey where you feel comfortable working through and writing about difficult emotions.

Alternatively, some students write about losing people who they weren’t close to and whose deaths didn’t significantly impact them. They do this solely because they think that writing about trauma helps you get into college, but it doesn’t. If you find that writing about your loss does not actually have a profound effect on your emotions, then there is likely a different essay topic awaiting you.

4. What should you do if you’ve decided you’re not ready to write your college essay about losing a loved one but still want the admissions committee to know?

You could consider how your story fits into any supplemental essays you’re writing. Or you can use the Common Application “Additional Information” section. Feel free to include whatever context you are comfortable sharing. This section can be a simple explanation and does not need to follow a specific format.

How you can write a college essay about losing a loved one

If you’ve decided that writing your college essay about losing a loved one is the right choice for you, then we have a few tips.

1. Determine what this topic should reveal about you to the admissions committee.

Begin your writing process by asking yourself what you want the admissions committee to learn about you from this story of loss.

2. Pinpoint specific examples, details, memories, or vignettes.

Root your narrative in specifics rather than generalities about you and your loved one to show, not tell your admissions officers why they were important to you.

3. End on a note of hope, resilience, or forward movement.

The reality is that even with a sad topic, you want your admissions officers to leave your essay thinking about you in a positive way so that they can picture you being an active member of their campus. Your personal statement should therefore conclude on some kind of hopeful or resilient note.

Be gracious about your limits. Write about your loss only if you feel ready and if you truly believe that it’s the story you need to tell admissions committees.

If you do choose to write your college essay about losing a loved one, then you should start early and leave plenty of extra time for writing and revision. What you’ve been through is surely difficult, so be gentle on yourself as you write and revise.

You can find more about writing your personal statement on our How to Write a College Essay post.

Liked that? Try this next.

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5 stages of grief: Coping with the loss of a loved one

• Reviewed by Stephanie Collier, MD, MPH , Contributor; Editorial Advisory Board Member, Harvard Health Publishing

Grief is an unfortunate but inevitable part of life. Whether due to the death of a loved one (this type of grief is referred to as bereavement), losing a job, or any other significant life change, grief is the universal response to dealing with loss.

What are the five stages of grief? We describe each, and how to find support through the grieving process.

What are the 5 stages of grief?

Although everyone copes with loss in different ways, there are five commonly defined stages of grief . The stages were first described by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying. They help provide a framework for the complex thoughts, behaviors, and emotions that are often experienced with the loss of a loved one.

While these stages should not be thought of as resolute — not everyone experiences these stages in the same way or in the same order, if at all — understanding them can help you make sense of the emotions you may be feeling.

Denial refers to the period of grieving during which a person refuses to accept the reality of a situation. Denial is different than not understanding. It is a defense mechanism that helps us protect ourselves from the shock of the upsetting hardship. A period of denial can be normal and even helpful during the grieving process, as we work to process a difficult situation. Examples of denial include:

• refusing to accept or acknowledge the death
• refusing or avoiding the topic in conversation
• stating the loss is not true, or that the source of the news is unreliable.

Once a person comes to understand the information they received, and accepts the reality of a death, they often experience anger. Anger can be a natural response directed toward oneself, family members, doctors, God, or even the deceased. Anger is a normal part of the grieving process, though it may seem hurtful or offensive to loved ones. Often, anger is just a manifestation of grief, and can present itself in various ways. For example:

• blaming a medical doctor for not preventing an illness
• blaming family members for a lack of care or support
• feeling anger toward God or a higher spiritual power
• feeling angry with oneself or blaming oneself for the death
• experiencing a short temper or loss of patience.

When we experience grief, we often feel hopeless and overwhelmed. It is common to be overcome by statements of "what if" and "if only," as we experience a loss of control over what is happening. During the bargaining stage of grief, a person attempts to negotiate or make compromises. We try to make agreements with ourselves, or a deal with a higher power, in exchange for feeling less sad or having a different outcome. Bargaining is often irrational. Examples of bargaining include:

• "If only I had brought her to the doctor sooner, this would have been cured."
• "If only I had been around more, I would have noticed something was wrong."
• "God, if you bring him back, I promise I will never lie again."

Depression is a feeling of sadness and hopelessness that often results with the loss of a loved one. While the earlier stages of grief help to protect us from the emotional pain experienced with loss, often these feelings are inevitable. Symptoms of depression include:

• feelings of sadness
• loss of interest in activities you normally enjoy
• changes in sleep
• significant changes in weight
• lack of energy
• feeling agitated or restless
• feeling worthless or guilty
• decreased concentration.

Feelings of depression are a natural reaction to grief . Following the loss of a loved one, acute grief can impact your functioning for a limited time. Bereavement can lead to prolonged grief disorder if these feelings persist and continue to cause significant impairment and distress in your life for more than a year. Prolonged grief disorder is a diagnosable medical condition and can become disabling if not managed appropriately.

Considered the fifth and last of Kübler-Ross's stages, acceptance refers to the period of grief when we finally come to terms with accepting the reality of our loss. When we have reached this stage of acceptance, we no longer deny or struggle against our grief. During this time, we work to focus our energy on celebrating the life of our loved one, cherish the memories that were shared, and make plans for moving forward.

Finding support

It is important to remember that the grieving process is different for everyone. Grief is not "one size fits all." Learning how to deal with grief is crucial for your physical and mental health. Grief can cause changes in many aspects of your daily life, including:

• sleep habits
• energy levels
• health problems, such as increased blood pressure .

Although grief does not generally require treatment, finding a support system can help you better manage your grief. For some people, confiding in others can help lessen the burden of emotions you are experiencing. The goal is to prevent the unhealthy consequences of grief from causing serious damage to your health and well-being. You may find support in people or groups such as:

• family and close friends
• grief counselors or therapists
• grief support groups
• religious or spiritual leaders
• your doctor.

Information on bereavement support services including support groups can often be found on your local community or state government websites.

Other examples of things you can do to help cope after the loss of a loved one include:

• Develop a daily routine. Adhering to a healthy diet, exercise routine, and sleep schedule can help you focus on the things you can control.
• Celebrate the life of your loved one. Consider taking steps to honor the memory of your loved one who has passed in a way that is meaningful to you. This could be anything from collecting photos, to sharing stories, to establishing a memorial.
• Work on finding joy . Allowing yourself to experience joy during difficult times can help improve your mental state and provide long-lasting health benefits.
• Learn about different ways to process grief. Books such as On Grief & Grieving or I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye can help.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by your grief or are in immediate crisis, there are grief crisis hotlines you can contact 24/7 to receive help and resources:

• National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
• Veterans Crisis Line: Call 988, then press 1 or text 838255
• Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 800-662-4357
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741-741 in the U.S.

If you ever experience thoughts of self-harm or suicide, seek immediate medical help.

About the Author

Jennifer Fisher, MMSc, PA-C , Health Writer

About the Reviewer

Stephanie Collier, MD, MPH , Contributor; Editorial Advisory Board Member, Harvard Health Publishing

Disclaimer:

As a service to our readers, Harvard Health Publishing provides access to our library of archived content. Please note the date of last review or update on all articles.

No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.

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I’m Grieving for the First Time. Can I Talk About It?

On losing a family member to Covid-19 and finding comfort in conversation.

By Philip Galanes

My aunt died from Covid complications two weeks ago. This is my first time grieving a family member, and she’s really present in my mind. I’m not sure whether or how to bring this up with acquaintances and co-workers. I respond honestly if someone asks me a direct question about my family. But even casual questions — like “What did you do this weekend?” — make me think of my aunt. (I went to a Zoom funeral.) I don’t want to make things awkward for others, and I definitely don’t want to cry in front of my neighbors. But it feels wrong not to say the thing at the top of my mind. What’s the best way to handle this?

Cry in front of your neighbors! I’m sorry for your loss. Sadly, there is no “right” way to cope with grief. For now, give yourself permission to express your feelings, however they bubble up, and put aside your normally thoughtful attention to the comfort of others. This is a time for mourning, not for worrying about the guy in marketing.

Now, it won’t take long to learn that some people and places are better for sharing feelings than others. “How are you?” asked in passing at the beginning of a Zoom meeting is qualitatively different than during a leisurely walk. Personal closeness counts too. But don’t discount strangers entirely. One of the best talks I had after my father died was with a man I’d never met on a Fifth Avenue bus.

You will make your own path. Over time, you may feel less urgency in speaking of your aunt. But until then, be generous with yourself. An important person has left this world. Her loss and meaning in your life are important questions to consider.

Wafting Through the Window

My mother lives in a senior-living apartment building. Residents can buy a meal plan or cook for themselves. The woman who lives beneath my mother cooks, and her cooking odors come directly into my mother’s apartment. My mother opens windows and turns on a special fan provided by management, but the smells persist. It doesn’t help that the woman cooks at 8 p.m., later than normal dinnertime. We realize this woman has every right to eat when she wants to, but shouldn’t management speak to her about ventilation in her apartment? Or maybe my mother should speak to the woman directly?

Listen, I get feeling protective of an older parent. But I’m also wary of unduly burdening the woman downstairs. She has a right to sustenance (even at the scandalous hour of 8 p.m.). And the responsibility for properly ventilating apartments falls squarely on the shoulders of building management. Don’t let up on them!

The building should hire a mechanical engineer to solve this issue or move your mother to another unit. The woman downstairs may be asked for reasonable access to her apartment to fix the problem. But she has a right to cook and enjoy her unit, and it’s not fair to expect her to correct the building’s mechanical problems.

About Your Alter Ego …

I have a friend with whom I interact socially and professionally. In direct communication, he’s lovely. But his social media presence is toxic. He is quite far to the left, which is fine, but I’m tired of how vicious he is to anyone who disagrees with him. Our field operates on social media, so I can’t abandon the platform. Should I mute him or talk to him about his cursing and name-calling?

The easy thing, of course, is to mute him and move along. But if he’s truly a friend, I think you have a duty to speak up. A few tips: Call him, no typed messages. And start with a positive statement: “I really value our friendship.”

Then make your constructive criticism: “It upsets me to see you attack people on social media. It’s your right to express yourself, but I don’t think it reflects what a kind person you are. Maybe think about it?” Then listen. He may be defensive at first, then soften after time for reflection.

Now You Tell Me?

My brother married in May. But he only told me months later when I visited him for his birthday. His excuse was that Covid would have made it impossible for me to attend. He still could have told me! He called me yesterday for the first time since I learned the news. I was upset, so my responses were curt; he hung up on me. I’m at a loss for what to do next?

Why not take your brother at his word? He decided it would be frustrating for you to know about the wedding and be unable to attend. And he waited to tell you until he could do it in person. (I buy it.) I also get that you don’t like it. But wouldn’t it be better to discuss how you’d prefer to handle news in the future than feud about possibly good-faith mistakes in the past?

For help with your awkward situation, send a question to [email protected], to Philip Galanes on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.

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Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection Essay

Terminal illness, end of life issue.

While dying is part of human life that surrounds each person, some encounters with death are more influential than others. My mother’s passing was an experience that impacted my view of life and end of life care the most. She died before her 60th birthday – her terminal illness was discovered very late, and she passed away less than a year after receiving the diagnosis. Such a rapid change in my life left a mark on my memory and reshaped my view of life and death.

It was difficult for me to come to terms with her death – the period between the diagnosis and her passing was too short. I was in denial for a long time and had trouble accepting what had happened. Looking back at this time, I see how the end of life is not always expected, and why the children of terminally ill loved ones require the attention of medical professionals as well.

End of life care for my mother took a toll on me, and I had to reevaluate my aspirations to see whether I treated life as an endless path. Now, I reflect on the feelings I had in order to remind myself that the end of life cannot be fully preplanned and that each case is unique in its own way. Moreover, I try to remember that one’s existence is finite. In some cases, the best solution is to provide as much comfort to someone and make sure they are making choices to the best of their ability and knowledge to have a happy and dignified time.

I also considered how my mother might have felt at the moment of diagnosis and during her last year. It is incredibly challenging for one to understand what knowing that you will die soon means. Such clarity is not always desired, but I believe that it is vital for people to know about their current condition because it affects their decision-making in healthcare and life, in general. Death is a part of each human’s life, but every step toward it does not feel final because it can come at any moment.

Knowing one’s diagnosis changes the way people and their loved ones think. Although I can only imagine what my mother felt, I understand what the families of terminally ill persons are going through.

If I were diagnosed with a terminal illness and were given a prognosis of six months or less to live, I would try to accept it in good faith before making decisions. Death is inevitable, but it is impossible to be fully prepared for it, even when you think that you are. So, I would look into myself to search for peace with this news in order to take advantage of the time that I have left.

I would feel sad because I would not see my loved ones and miss them dearly. Thus, my priorities for what should be done would change. I would try to see my family and friends as much as I could and spend time with them, making memories for them and myself. I would like to leave some mementoes behind and focus on the good times that we would have together. Planning for several months ahead is difficult when the exact date of death is unknown, so I would do my best to make the most of each day.

However, it is also vital to think about one’s inner comfort and peace. Coming to terms with my passing would be critical to me – it provides some type of closure and allows me to let go of worries related to everyday life. People may cover their fear of dying with activities and concentration on planning and socialization. In doing so, they may overlook their own satisfaction with life, denying themselves a chance to reflect. As such, I would spend some time searching for some last unanswered questions and unachieved goals that could be completed in the short span of time that I would have.

Finally, I would concentrate on my present and my loved ones’ future. I always strive to remember that life is endless in a way that it continues for other people. Although I will eventually die, some of my friends and my family members will continue living long after I am gone, facing problems and challenges that are inherent to humanity.

Thus, I would try to make plans to alleviate some of these issues. Most importantly, I would organize the provision for my child to finance the education – one of the most necessary, but expensive, parts of one’s coming to adulthood. If possible, I would review our housing options, savings, family and friends support network, and address other household and healthcare concerns.

Doctors and nurses in end-of-life care carry a significant burden in working with patients and families dealing with ethical and moral dilemmas. Some of these issues are also regulated legally, although the lines of what is legal or not are much less clear than in other cases. For me, one of the moral dilemmas that I had struggled with was the patients’ and relatives’ differing views on treatment planning. In some situations, the client’s family members may not pursue the same goals as the person under care. These aims can be guided by religious or personal views on health and death. Others can be motivated by financial problems, strained relationships, emotional health, and a multitude of other reasons.

For example, in a hospital, a family may not want the patient to know the diagnosis as it could scare or sadden them. In this scenario, I turn to the some of the medical principles as the basis for my value system. I would highlight the importance of fidelity – people have the right to known about their prognosis and diagnosis (Karnik & Kanekar, 2016). I think that truthfulness is a necessary part of end-of-life care and support, even though telling someone their diagnosis is difficult.

In some situations, children want to keep their parent alive as long as possible and request all possible procedures, while the client denies care and seeks comfort to spend the last days with dignity. Here, the principle of autonomy would guide my practice – people reserve the right to make decisions to the extent of their capacity (De Panfilis et al., 2019).

Moreover, it is vital to remember that rigorous treatment does not equal beneficence in all scenarios. I try to approach each case individually and acknowledge that every person has the right to control a part of their destiny through healthcare or outreach for support, and the duty of caring professionals is to inform our clients of all the choices they can make and what outcomes they can expect. In the end, medical science advances continuously, but death remains an unchanging aspect that requires person-centered thinking.

De Panfilis, L., Di Leo, S., Peruselli, C., Ghirotto, L., & Tanzi, S. (2019). “I go into crisis when…”: Ethics of care and moral dilemmas in palliative care. BMC Palliative Care , 18 (70), 1-8. Web.

Karnik, S., & Kanekar, A. (2016). Ethical issues surrounding end-of-life care: A narrative review . Healthcare, 4 (24), 1-6. Web.

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IvyPanda. (2022, September 19). Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/

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IvyPanda . 2022. "Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection." September 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/.

1. IvyPanda . "Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection." September 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection." September 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/.

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7 Memoirs About Losing a Loved One

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These books and memoirs about losing a loved one helped me to laugh and cry through my grief. I hope they will help you, too.

When my partner died of cancer, a fellow widower brought me a book that helped him through his acute grief. He offered it in the hopes that it might help me, and it did help. Very much.

It is important to note that every person grieves differently. While these books and memoirs about losing a loved one helped me, they may not help you or your loved one who is experiencing grief.

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10 Books to Change Your Life

I am listing these books in the chronological order of how I read them and providing a bit of context into my own grieving process. I hope this will help you choose which book to read and, most importantly, when to read it.

When “Option A” is not an option

The book that thoughtful widower handed to me was “ Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, And Finding Joy .” I read the book one month after my partner died while on a plane ride across the Atlantic. I was leaving one life and starting a new one.

In this book (which is only part memoir) Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, shares how she grieved after her husband died suddenly while on a family vacation.

A data person through and through, Sandberg teams up with psychologist and academic Adam Grant to share the stories of people who found joy again after experiencing grief, and to analyze the grief process itself.

The title of the book comes from a moment when Sandberg cried to a friend about wanting comfort from her husband. The friend replied, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of Option B.”

Read my post on finally accepting Option B and seeking joy

“Option B” helped me because, at the time, I needed permission to experience joy again. I also needed the validation that changing my life entirely was my way of finding some meaning in Jeff’s death. Option B gave me that permission and that validation.

A memoir about losing a loved one and examining the process of mourning

The process of grief was my focus for a while. So the next book I picked up was “ The Year of Magical Thinking ” by award-winning writer Joan Didion who relives the year after her husband’s sudden death. It’s a year in which she is also caring for a seriously ill daughter.

In the book, Didion attempts to make sense of the nonsensical. She is clinical in her examination of the mourning process, and that was fascinating for me as I prodded and poked at my own grief like a tongue exploring a chipped tooth.

A memoir about losing a loved one that will make you belly laugh

This book is purposefully irreverent because that is the way that author and comedian Laurie Kilmartin grieved. We all grieve differently, and the irreverence here might be uncomfortable for you.

But of all the memoirs about losing a loved one that I read, this one made me belly laugh when I needed it most.

In fact, as I read “ Dead People Suck: A Guide for Survivors of the Newly Departed ” two months after my partner died, the sound of my own laughter startled me. It had been that long since I had heard it. Also, there is dark humor surrounding death, and Kilmartin is simply brave enough to say it out loud.

She wisely notes, though, that while she can joke about her dead dad…nobody else can.

What to Say When Someone Dies

A memoir about losing a loved one from the perspective of the dying

I read “ When Breath Becomes Air ” while holed up in a tiny bungalow in northern Thailand. It was a remote place where I could meditate, read, and cry without interruption. It was eight months after Jeff’s death, and, for me, it was the perfect time to pick up this book written by a doctor dying of lung cancer.

A loving husband and brilliant neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi writes with heartbreaking honesty while his pragmatic, scientific brain wrestles with his hopeful heart. He brings us along as he and his wife choose to bring a child into a world that they know he may soon be departing.

This book gave me a look into how my partner may have felt as he looked around the room in those final days. As he assessed his life, did he consider it a life well lived?

I read this memoir about losing a loved one as I surfaced from my loss and started to reflect on my partner and his legacy. And it helped me make a decision about my own family plans – although I opted to take a different route than that of the Kalanithis.

“When Breath Becomes Air” was published posthumously with the moving ending written by the author’s wife and fellow doctor, Lucy Kalanithi.

A Memoir of living and dying

I was so moved by the perspective of facing death from the person doing the dying that I searched for a similar book.

The reviews of “ Bright Hour: A Memoir of Living and Dying ” read like a sequel of sorts to “When Breath Becomes Air,” and I found it to be another painfully honest account of extracting every bit of joy from a life that is limited by terminal illness.

This perspective is so honest because author Nina Riggs, like doctor Paul Kalanithi, doesn’t have time to sugarcoat her writing. She cannot hide from the truth. She is writing against time and with an urgent desire to explore the depths of herself before she dies.

In a seriously beautiful continuation of the conversation about life and death started by both Paul Kalanithi (“When Breath Becomes Air”) and Nina Riggs, the two memoirs brought their spouses together. For a time Lucy Kalanithi (widow of Paul) and John Duberstein (widower of Nina) were a couple weathering their grief together. Here are Duberstein’s thoughts on finding love after loss .

A Story About Finding Love After Loss

A memoir about friendship in the darkest of times

I wrote a post recently about how to comfort someone who has lost a loved one . In it, I wrote that there is only one single piece of universal advice to give here, and that is to show up for that person.

It may be the memoir “ My Glory Was I Had Such Friends ” by Amy Silverstein, that first gave me that idea. In “My Glory,” we witness what it means to show up in the most beautiful of ways. In fact, the fact that these friends show up in such a strong way may just be the reason why this book doesn’t cleanly fit into the category of memoirs about losing a loved one. Because this group of friends may just save Silverstein’s life.

The premise of this book is that of a family facing the possibility of death as Silverstein waits for a heart transplant that may never come. But the meat of this book is about friendship.

Silverstein’s friends rally around her, putting their own lives on hold and holding her up with single-minded sheer will.

I read this about a year and a half after my loss, and it helped me remember some of the support that I received when I needed it most. In doing so, I was forced to revisit memories that I avoided – changing feeding tubes or taking breaks from a hospital vigil for instance – but I was ready to see the beauty in those memories – something that I just couldn’t take in previously.

I’m lucky, like Silverstein, to have glorious friends, and I’m grateful to this book for reminding me of that.

A memoir about transformation

This memoir by Glennon Doyle does not fit cleanly into the category of memoirs about losing a loved one. Rather Untamed is about a woman allowing herself to be truly herself. Doyle writes about how she uncages herself from the expectations of society and of her readers and, in doing so, finds her soulmate.

I read this two years into my grieving process and two years after I left my own conventional life for a nontraditional nomadic life of travel . It spoke to me for many different reasons, but I especially liked how Doyle speaks of grief as a transformation.

I hope these books will help you if you are grieving, or if you are looking to give the gift of a book as a way to comfort your loved one who is experiencing grief.

Independent booksellers are hurting due to the pandemic and due to competition from behemoth online stores like Amazon. Please consider supporting local bookstores by using Bookshop, a B-Corp that gives away 75 percent of profits to independent stores, publications, authors, bloggers, and others in the book-loving community.

About the Author

Hi! I’m Jen!

I’m a freelance writer and travel blogger who quit my nine-to-five after my fiancé, Jeff, died of cancer at the age of 40. When he died, I realized that life is just too short to delay our dreams. Since my dream was to travel and write, I now travel and write full-time. Today I wear hiking boots instead of heels and collect experiences instead of things.

related posts

Resources on grieving beyond these memoirs about losing a loved one:, resources for grieving.

Grief Works : An app to guide you through your grief

Hot Young Widows Club : Stories of love & loss on Instagram; also a book

Modern Loss: Essays & resources to navigate life after death

Good Mourning Podcast : Authentic conversations about loss

Soaring Spirits : Peer-based support programs for widowed men & women

Subscribe to my newsletter for tips on grief & post-traumatic growth

What books have you read that helped you while grieving? Comment below!

Hello Jen… I came upon your writings by chance, well not really as my wife has lung cancer. These past 5 years has been a gift but god and science has not prevailed the way we hoped. She has 6 mo to a year, her spirit is stoic, me- I fall apart a lot. I know that living will go on but for now I tend to live in the present. It’s soo hard grieving for so long. Love you all…

Sending so much love your way, Jeff. So much love.

Thank. Going through recommended book has help. I need these books. Thank you again.

You are most welcome!

Getting past your breakbup —- Susan J. Elliott How to heal your heart —- Louis Hay

Thank you! I will check them out!

One of the best and my favorite blog ever. Aala stuff and best quality.

Thank you so much, Mendy!

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Grief — A Story about Losing a Loved One

A Story About Losing a Loved One

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Losing a family member.

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Loss of a Family Member, and Its Effects on the Family Essay

Kenji Miyazawa once said, “we must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey”. This quote applies to loss in the fact that when we face a loss we must continue our lives and use the loss to make us stronger. The loss of a family member is always hard to deal with and it affects everyone differently. Some people are open about their feelings and others bottle them up. The loss of a family member does not always refer to a death, but can also refer to an emotional or physical distance put between two people. In “The Shawl” by Louise Erdrich, there is an example of a physical loss and its effects on the family, while in “Bone Black” by Bell Hooks the loss shown is of the emotional kind. It is interesting to view these stories side by …show more content…

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Coping With Losing a Family Member to COVID-19

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The passing of a loved one is difficult to bear, even in normal circumstances. In the midst of the coronavirus pandemic , feelings of grief and sadness may be amplified by stress and uncertainty.

In addition, many of the typical rituals that honor a person’s life and mark their passing may look different as we continue to take steps to reduce the spread of the virus. This can make it more difficult to adapt to the reality of life without that person’s presence.

Everyone grieves in their own way — there’s no right or wrong way to process loss. Understanding some of the emotions you may feel, and sharing them with others, can go a long way in helping you cope.

Taking active steps to honor the person’s memory and spirit can go hand in hand with managing your mental health . One way to do that is to reach out to mental health professionals who can deliver care remotely.

It’s OK to Not Be OK, and Help Is Here

If you or someone you love is struggling with the grieving process, you’re not alone. If you’re thinking about hurting yourself, know that you don’t have to act on suicidal thoughts or feelings. There are trained crisis counselors who are here to listen and want to talk with you, whenever you need them, on the National Suicide Hotline at Call 1-800-273-8255 and on the Crisis Text Line when you text HOME to 741741.

Understanding the Symptoms of Grief

Grief refers to the whole spectrum of reactions you may have to losing someone. Many grieving people report changes in their:

You might find it difficult to eat, talk to others or do things you once found enjoyable. On the other hand, you may grow restless and feel the desire to stay busy.

You might feel shocked, numb or sad at first. This may be followed by denial, anger, guilt, frustration or helplessness. Crying is normal, and it’s OK.

Grief can trigger physical changes. Your chest or throat may feel tight or heavy. Nausea or an upset stomach are common, as are dizziness, headaches, physical numbness, muscle tension, trembling and fatigue. Nightmares may interfere with your sleep.

Disbelief, confusion and preoccupation may dominate your thinking. You might question whether you, or someone else, could have done something differently. At times, you may have trouble concentrating, or even develop hallucinations. For instance, you may hear or feel the presence of the person who has died.

Remember that the stages of grief don’t happen at a progressive pace, and grief doesn’t always proceed in a straight line. Often, it comes in waves or cycles. Some days may feel better, while others are more painful.

The more patient and flexible you are with yourself and with others, the healthier you’re likely to stay over time. In fact, there’s even evidence that some people find deeper meaning in their lives after the loss of a loved one.

This doesn’t mean you won’t feel sadness and sorrow. However, you may gain a new perspective and resilience to face challenges in the future.

Added Challenges of a Pandemic

The coronavirus pandemic has made death more present in daily life, and at the same time, interrupted our rites and rituals surrounding it. In addition to the normal emotions that accompany loss, it’s normal to also feel:

• Anger at, or the desire to place blame with, institutions, leaders or other people who have not followed guidelines to reduce risk, and you may even feel angry at the person who died
• Frustration that you couldn’t visit the person who was dying or attend a funeral afterward
• Guilt that you have survived while someone else did not
• Isolated from other friends and family members who are also grieving, or who might otherwise be present to support you

It may also seem like your loss and sadness are minor compared to what others are going through. While these unprecedented times have placed us all under strain, it’s important to recognize your grief. Someone’s experience being different from yours doesn’t mean your grief isn’t valid. Your grief is valid, and you deserve help and support to get through this difficult time.

How to Cope With Loss During the Coronavirus Pandemic

Recognizing grief is the first step in accepting the finality of loss, understanding what it means to you and adapting to a new normal. Avoid telling yourself you should feel a certain way, and try to not let others dictate your emotions. Allow yourself to feel pain, or any other feelings that arise.

As you go through the grieving process, you can grieve and take steps to protect your mental health, too.

Control What You Can

While this loss is outside of your control, there’s still a lot you can do to manage your risk of getting sick with COVID-19. You can still stay home as much as possible, wash your hands frequently, abide by physical distancing recommendations and keep up a daily routine while staying safe at home.

Craft New Rituals

If you feel up to it, you can hold a virtual remembrance or service. You could create a memorial on social media and ask friends and family members to add to or share it. Livestream or record funerals and burials, if you have access to technology and can do so respectfully. You can also plan to hold a service in person later on, when guidelines for physical distancing have changed.

Delay Important Decisions, if Possible

A loved one’s death may mean changes to your finances, living situation or responsibilities. While you may have to make some tough choices right away, delay other major decisions, such as moving, changing jobs or altering other relationships. Not only are these steps more difficult in the midst of a pandemic, they’re emotionally driven and have a big impact on your life overall.

Forgive Yourself

You may feel regret for things you said or did while your loved one was alive — or things you left unsaid. You may also blame yourself for what happened. Processing this pain leaves more space for happy memories.

Get Creative

Expressing your feelings through music, art, scrapbooks, or planting flowers or trees may prove healing for you. You may also choose to document your emotions and memories in a journal. Reading the entries later can also help you understand how you’ve moved through the grieving process over time.

Mind Your Media Intake

Hearing more about the pandemic when you’re already struggling can add to your burden. You can still stay informed, but take breaks from watching television, reading the news or following updates on social media.

Practice Gratitude

Even the hardest days have bright spots. Write down your strengths, happy memories or what has gone well lately. Reflect on the good things going on, or people, places and things that make you happy. If you feel up to it, share your list with people you love.

Stay Connected

Resist the urge to isolate yourself further. Call, text or video chat with friends and family. Share your emotions, and ask how they’re coping, too. Talking about your loss can be comforting and remind you that you’re not alone.

Take Care of Yourself

Though you may feel less motivated to do so, it’s more important than ever to tend to your own body and mind. Try to exercise, eat healthy food and get enough sleep when you can.

When to Seek Help for Your Mental Health

It’s normal and natural to seek help during the grieving process. You might find it fulfilling and helpful to work with a mental health professional, like a psychiatrist, therapist, spiritual guide or other type of provider.

Signs that you may benefit in seeking help include:

• Blaming yourself for the person’s passing
• Feeling worthless, or that life is meaningless or empty
• Inability to appreciate good memories about the person who’s gone
• Inability to go about your daily life, participate in daily activities or take care of yourself
• Lingering trouble eating and sleeping
• Loss of your own identity or purpose
• Ongoing denial of the death, or excessively avoiding reminders of it

Sometimes, these emotions can be so intense they represent an emergency. If you feel overwhelmed and unsure of what to do next — or if you’re thinking about hurting yourself or someone else — seek immediate help.

In an emotional crisis, get immediate help by calling the Disaster Distress Helpline at Call 1-800-985-5990 , or text TalkWithUs to 66746. Or, call the National Suicide Hotline at Call 1-800-273-8255 or text the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.

Also, stress and grief may feel more difficult to manage if you have a preexisting mental health condition. If you already have a mental health care provider, continue with your treatment as you process your loss. Stay alert for new or worsening symptoms, and report them to your doctor or therapist.

Helping Others Who Are Grieving

If someone else has experienced a loss to COVID-19, you can be an important source of support for them. Check in with them regularly — call, text, email or video chat. They may not feel up to responding, but they’ll know you care about them and are there for them. You can also send a card or care package, write a thoughtful letter or shop online to send them groceries or other items they may need.

We’re Here for You During the Coronavirus Pandemic

We’re committed to providing the latest information to keep you and your family healthy. You can find free, confidential mental health resources, available to anyone at any time, on our coronavirus mental health resources page .

To stay updated on coronavirus, and learn how to protect yourself or what to do if you or a loved one feels sick, visit our Coronavirus Resource Hub . Check in as often as you’d like so you and your family can stay informed and confident.

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College essay topic- losing a loved one Answered

Is it a good idea to write about losing a loved one. That event really impacted me, and changed me as a person. Should I write about it ? I feel confused about how to structure my essay

Earn karma by helping others:

Hi! This is a great question!

You can certainly write about losing a loved one and how it changed you. But I have to warn you about one thing. College essays are meant for you to reveal an aspect of you that the admission officers can't see from your academics. I am saying this because a lot of students will write an essay about losing a loved one but instead of reflecting on how it impacted them, they just end up writing a biography of the person itself. Colleges don't want a person's biography; they want to know more about you. So, in your essay, you can briefly talk about the death of the loved one but quickly transition into a reflection of how that event has changed you. Make sure to include specific feelings, thoughts, and anecdotes in your essay to make it come alive.

I am sorry for your loss and good luck with your essay!

Thank you for the sweet message. That's actually very thoughtful. Sometimes we get diverted from the main topic, I will keep that advice in mind

Your welcome!! I also want to say that colleges receive a lots of these types of essays about the death of a loved one. I want emphasize here again the importance of using personal stories, thoughts, etc to make this essay unique and personal to you. Avoid using general sentences and diction. Good luck!

Yes thank you, will keep that in mind. Are you in clg ?

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Why losing a parent when you’re a young adult is so hard

Honorary Research Fellow, Director of Bereavement Services Counselling & Mental Health Clinic, York St John University

Disclosure statement

John Frederick Wilson does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organization that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

York St John University provides funding as a member of The Conversation UK.

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Losing a parent is never easy . Although the grief of parentally bereaved children and adolescents is widely recognised by charities and in media, people in their twenties and thirties can be overlooked.

If you are in this cohort, you will have transitioned into adulthood, but you may not have acquired the life skills maturity brings, and may still feel very much like your parent’s child. Research shows that many in this age group experience emotional and behavioural issues after losing a parent.

Grief is the price we pay for love . The closer our attachment to the person we lose, the more intense our grief. As we get older, we gradually accept that our parents will not be around forever. If they die young when we are still young, it comes as a shock. Both men and women of any age who remain single and living with either or both parents, often display intense grief on becoming orphaned.

This article is part of Quarter Life , a series about issues affecting those of us in our 20s and 30s. From the challenges of beginning a career and taking care of our mental health, to the excitement of starting a family, adopting a pet or just making friends as an adult. The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.

You may be interested in:

Should I have children? Why society’s idealisation of motherhood benefits no one

Loneliness is a major public health problem – and young people are bearing the brunt of it

What you should know about coming out as LGBTQ+ in your 20s and 30s

Part of growing up involves the parental bond weakening as attachment is transferred to a romantic relationship. We know that the grief for a lost spouse is generally worse than the death of a parent.

The move from home to university can involve losing friendships and romantic relationships as you form new ones. All of this will be harder if you know that back home, your parent is seriously ill or has suddenly died.

Setting off for university, or work away from home, shortly after the death of a parent, comes with its own struggles which requires creative resilience to cope. For example, a young woman whose father died shortly before she went to university managed her grief by writing letters to him in a journal throughout her studies.

Changing circumstances

The cost of living means that many young people live with their parents into their twenties and thirties. Their bond will still be strong and the family unit with mum and dad will be part of everyday life . Should one of them die, certainties and assumptions about support networks and family life are shattered .

Learning to live without a parent can be easier if you have made the break and have set up your own home with a partner and children to love. Though this is not always the case – I have counselled many men and women who have retained a close connection with their parents even when they’ve lived independently from them.

Your gender, role in the family and cultural background may also affect how you grieve the loss of a parent. I have also counselled newly bereaved widows whose eldest sons tried to become the protector, even at an early age. Be they child or adult, sons may postpone their grief until they feel their mother is in a better place.

Unexpressed grief can lead to emotional or even physical complications. I worked with a man in his mid-20s experiencing chronic symptoms mirroring his father’s fatal illness, despite tests which revealed no pathology.

The expectations, rights and responsibilities conferred on the firstborn child can lead to stresses and tensions within the family which exacerbate grief in all its bereaved children. In Hindu society, the oldest son is often chief mourner for each parent’s funeral, and traditionally, becomes the head of the household on his father’s death.

Read more: What is 'eldest daughter syndrome' and how can we fix it?

Lost role models

Sometimes the most trivial things can trigger grief. You’re putting up shelves, or cooking a new recipe, but there is nobody to phone home to get advice when it goes pear-shaped. It’s times like that when you want your mum or dad.

Many young women find that the most difficult experience is when they become pregnant. No parent to go with them to clinic appointments, nobody to advise and support life with a new baby, nor the ongoing child-rearing, no reassuring parent at the end of a phone. Many young mothers who had previously coped with losing their own mother, first come to bereavement counselling when they become mothers themselves.

Sometimes, the transition into adulthood and the weakening of childhood bonds is accompanied by disagreements with parents, at worst, leading to a rupture in the parent-child relationship. I have worked with many adults whose grief has been complicated by guilt at not patching up the relationship before it was too late.

Learning to cope

Each significant person in our life leaves a legacy . What did they teach us about life – purposely or by example? Which of these lessons will we take into our future? What would we do differently?

Photographs and family artefacts can help us form a continuing bond with our parents. Talking with other family members about our ambivalent relationship may heal unresolved wounds.

Whatever your age, remember that grief is an intensely personal experience, and no two people grieve the same.

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Related Topics

Is an essay about death/loss of a family memeber ALWAYS controversial?

I researched a bit about bad college essay/common application essay topics, and it seems that essays about loss of a family member are very negative? I understand that some students do it wrong and start making themselves look like victims or focusing too much on the loss instead of him/herself. But if I avoid these, is it still a bad topic to write about?

I think I am going to write about how my grades dropped in freshman year due to my grandfather passing away (funeral in another country and I had to be absent for like 1 month) but then how I struggled through the challenge and motivated me to work even harder in later years and never got a B ever since then. Also how I was only taking academics in freshman year and after that funeral and grade drop I picked Honors and APs in Junior and Senior year. (I am focusing on how life is along run and no matter how bad the situation is I learned to work hard and strive anyways) Is this still a bad topic to write about?

First, I’m sorry for your loss.

But there are a couple of issues with your topic.

First and foremost, it will be one of the many, many essays about the death of a grandparent. I don’t mean to trivialize your loss, but just about every teen I know has lost at least one grandparent by the time they graduate, and many feel the death deeply. So, just as there will be a stack of essays about the kid who didn’t make the freshman team, then worked and worked and worked and eventually made Varsity, yours will be “yet another essay on a death of a grandparent.”

Secondly,all it shows is that you’re a dedicated student. But from what you say about your grades, that’s already evident. How would this essay “give them a reason so say yes”???

Thirdly, do you really want to emphasize a month’s absence from school?

I think this is a topic you can ask your guidance counselor to include in her letter about you, to explain the drop in your grades freshman year. Use this very valuable real estate on your application to tell a story that your best friend can tell about you at your 20th reunion.

Agreed that the death of a grandparent is too common and pretty much expected to occur. Also freshman year is a bit far in the past – nothing else to write about?

Not just common, but often not relevant to an admit review- they want to see the strengths, not a focus on explaining the potholes. The principle is, “Show, not just tell.” They don’t need to be dragged into details, like it being in a foreign country, how long you were gone, etc.

Why would you want to point out the grade drop? They can wonder why you would. Why not focus on a tale that shows the relevant strengths, the attibutes these schools look for? Yes, let the GC explain the background, as appropriate, and how great you;re doing now (academically, in activities, and socially.)

My D1 wrote a beautiful essay that included the death of someone vital to her. However, It wasn’t about death. It was really about the uplifting power of the field she wants to enter. In other words, about how her love of her field lifted her out of a painful situation AND how she believes she could bring that same relief to others. It showed not only her creativity, but how she could use it to benefit the community. This was not something that was crafted or packaged. It was a true revelatory moment for her and is one of the things that drives her passion. It wasn’t "I worked hard and overcame tragedy. " It was, “Oh my god, this saved me and I can use it to help others.” I honestly believe that no one else on the planet could have written that particular essay. She was admitted to, and awarded merit at,schools that were reaches. My guess is that this essay was a key element.

D2 lost the same loved one, but will probably not write about it although it did seriously impact her life. In addition to dealing with grief, It meant that she had to give up things to help at home and she had to grow up sooner then any of us would have liked. However we will leave that story to the guidance counselor to tell. She has other things she wants colleges to know about her. What she ends up writing will probably not be as dramatic as the tragic death of a loved one, but it will show case her gifts, her passions and what she can bring to the community.

I don’t think any particular subject is necessarily off limits. But, I believe its a mistake to start by looking for a “hook” like the death of a loved one. (I mean “hook” in the writing sense, not in the admissions sense). I think it is far better to figure out what you want colleges to know about you and especially how you can benefit the community. Then figure out how best to tell that story.

My daughter wrote about the death of her cousin, explaining how she was able to help the boy’s younger sister cope with the tragedy. I thought she did a great job. It’s difficult to pull off, though.

Any topic can be fine – it is all about how it is written and what it tells about you. Definitely avoid any “woe is me” aspect to an essay. The essay is a chance to tell admissions officers something about you that can’t be found elsewhere on the application – a chance to get people excited about the prospect of having you on campus. Whatever topic you choose, I would focus on personal growth, things of interest to you etc. rather than a quest for higher grades.

I would definitely not use your essay to make a long winded excuse for freshman grades. It would be much better if your guidance counselor noted in his/her recommendation that you had a death in your family freshman year that led to an extended overseas absence that caused you to miss a significant amount of school. This way it would come off as factual information from a third party and not excuse-making.

A grandparent death in one’s high school years is quite common. But it shouldn’t define who you are as a person or as a student (i.e., the grade thing). However, your essay should talk about who you are!!! For that reason, I’d stay away from the grandparent death topic. Also, your freshman grades are the least important of all your grades. It is your junior and senior grades that matter more.

Talk about your passions, who you are, what drives you to succeed, etc.

Show, not just tell. Have an idea of the attributes they want to see. All this is different than writing an explanation for a teacher.

They don’t want to see, “I failed because…”

If you decide on going ahead with it, make sure it is proof-read by few other people. It could boil down to the way you write it.

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