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Write A Funny Wedding Speech

Best Man , Bride , Father of the Bride , Groom , Maid of Honour , Mother of the Bride , Speech Advice
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(*Of course, if you’re looking for more than ‘advice’, check out all the different ways the Speechy team can help you write & deliver a great speech. Or check out our new AI-powered team member, SpeechyAI .)

The definition of a joke is ‘ a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter. ’

This means your jokes shouldn’t make your guests groan. Guests don’t want to hear internet gags and the newly hitched deserve more than wedding clichés.

Avoid anything like … ‘Wales is an unusual honeymoon destination but (groom) insisted he was going to Bangor for a fortnight.

Cringe. 1994 wants its jokes back.

Check out Hitched’s ‘Tried & Test Jokes for Best Men’ for more lines to AVOID. Generic wedding fodder shows you’re desperate.

A rule we stick to is, if you can cut and paste a joke into a speech about someone else, then you’ve got it wrong.

Humour should be unique, honest and insightful, not just some wedding-related pun. At no point hold up a slice of toast.

The Golden Rule of Comedy

‘ It’s funny because it’s true ‘, so said Homer Simpson and probably some clever people we’re less familiar with.

Creating a memorable speech means thinking about the ready-made characters at the Top Table. People will laugh if you identify something that they’ve noticed (even subliminally) but never thought to articulate …The groom’s oddly disproportionate T-rex arms, the bride’s continuing devotion to UGGS, the newlywed’s mutual mannerisms (they both say OMG without any shame).

Pinpointing what makes the newlyweds unique (i.e. slightly odd) is key to making your wedding speech a proper tribute to them. It shows you actually care if you focus your humour on their true personalities (and not just caricatures of a bride or groom).

Do NOT make the mistake of talking about how much the bride loves shopping (unless she genuinely out-spends the Kardashians) or how terrible the groom is at opening his wallet (unless he actually comes out without one). This is clichéd-comedy at its worst. It’s not funny and it’s not fit for a modern wedding speech.

These rules apply whatever your role – best man to bride.

Step By Step Guide

Step 1. Find A Focus

Whatever role you have – groom, father of the bride, best mate – you have to find a comedy focus.

The groom’s target could be himself, his bride or he could set up the notion of a traditional double act (straight bride vs daft husband).

A father of the bride might choose his ‘drama queen daughter’, the ‘hard-done father’ or the ‘dubious groom’ as the focus of his humour. You get the idea.

Some people reckon the bride should never be the comedic focus. They seem to think that as soon as a woman puts on a white dress she can only be told she’s beautiful & wonderful; a Beyonce / Mother Teresa hybrid.

We don’t agree. Just because a woman’s wearing her best knickers and has a ring on her finger doesn’t mean she’s lost her sense of humour.

The key is to keep the humour affectionate and loving. Of course, you should have a proper heartfelt tribute towards the end of your speech but feel free to have a laugh along the way.

Step 2. Ask Lots of Questions

The first thing we do when working with clients is ask them lots of questions. We ask the obvious ones (who’s marrying who and why) but we also ask some random ones too.

With grooms, we might ask ‘What annoys you most about your bride-to-be’. It doesn’t sound like appropriate material to put in a wedding speech but actually, it’s those sorts of questions that often lead to great nuggets of content for us.

So, grab a bottle of (insert alcoholic beverage of choice) and have a brainstorm. Write down everything that comes to mind when you think about the person you’re going to be talking about. The food they love. The tunes they like. Their claims to fame. Their questionable dress sense… Think about their standout qualities & the characteristics that define them. Is it their obsession with the gym, their bossiness, or their lack of hair?

Step 3. Get help if you need

Ask mates round. Ask relatives. Ask the bride if you’re the best man and she’s not giving a speech herself.

You need to load up your arsenal of humour before you can hope to fire out any cracking gags. There are loads of ways of finding a laugh, here’s some techniques to test out…

Turn your target into a comedy character – Think about the classic sitcom characters – Basil Fawlty (the hotel owner who didn’t like tourists), Doc Martin (the doctor who was scared of blood), Del Boy (the hapless businessman). Exaggerate your target’s qualities and push their weaknesses to the extreme.
Play with contrasts – is the bride obsessively tidy while the groom can’t change the hoover bag? Does the bride balk at Primark prices and the groom spends like a Kardashian? Couple contrasts always generates good material.
Tell us something we don’t know – Do you know a secret about the bride or the groom? Nothing downright embarrassing but if the bride used to fancy Ed Milliband or the groom won a Butlins Talent Contest as a teenager (his twerking was genuinely amazing) then now might be the time to mention it.
Exaggerate – if the bride or groom have a reputation for something, then have a laugh with it. Is the groom pretty rubbish at golf? Fair to say then that ‘the only hole in one he’ll get is in his Primark boxers’ . If the bride loves her spinning class you could say ‘her legs have done more rotations than the best man’s head when the bridesmaids walked in’ . You get the idea.
Be the butt of the joke – Yes even if you have another comedy target, make sure you laugh at yourself too. People like you more if you do.

Step 4. Grab Your Quote Love, You’ve Pulled

Plagiarism isn’t allowed but quoting witty people is. Not only are you legitimately allowed to steal their laughs, but you also end up looking rather well read.

We’ve curated the best wedding quotes to use (i.e. the ones that aren’t too obviously ‘wedding-y’) so tuck in for inspiration…

Groom speech
Best man speech
Father of the bride speech
Bride speech
Mother of the bride speech
Maid of honour speech

Don’t say we’re not blooming good to you.

Step 5. Pace Your Laughs

People relax once you’ve made them laugh so try to script a funny line within the first 20 seconds.

A good opener is something like ‘ Can you believe it? (The Bride) has finally given up holding out for Ryan Gosling and decided a kebab-munching, golf-obsessed Project Manager from Basingstoke is a better option instead .’ Simple, but bespoke.

Of course, the opening is just the first hurdle. Your speech needs to be peppered with humour throughout. Even the ‘thank yous’ should raise a smile so make sure you script more than just the usual platitudes about your in-laws ‘passing down such wonderful traits to their daughter’. Yawn.

Keep your content pacey and your jokes short. If it’s impossible to sub down a lengthy anecdote then leave it for the bar later.

Funny Wedding Speech Do’s & Don’ts

Ask friends and family for stories – It’s not cheating, it’s research
Start writing early – ideas will keep popping in your head once you get going
Cut your first draft in half – having three average jokes does not add up to one big laugh
Read it out loud – you’ll work out your pacing and hear what works and what doesn’t
Get advice – Read it to a trusted mate. If you have to explain a joke it ain’t working
Use a Speechy Template – Unlike other speech templates on the market, this ones helps you create original humour based on the people you know! Specific templates for dads, brides, grooms, besties – whoever wants to grab that mic!

DON’T

Feel you need to include every random funny anecdote in the speech – some just won’t add to the overall story you’re telling
Resort to Googling jokes – if you found that quip then others will have seen it too
Be rude, overly embarrassing or go further than innuendo – never appropriate even if you know the ‘rugby boys’ would love it
Include ‘in jokes’ – your humour needs to be inclusive
Forget to leave room for the laughs on the day – don’t spend months worrying about the speech and then swallow up the laughter by delivering your speech too quickly
Drink too much before you deliver your speech – sadly ‘Dutch courage’ is a myth. Alcohol increases nerves so don’t go overboard too early.

The Speechwriting Experts

The Speechy team are TV-trained scriptwriters/comedians by trade & we’ve helped 1,000s of speakers around the world deliver their dream speech.

Our advice has been quoted everywhere from The New York Times to Grazia and from Forbes to The Observer . Our founder has also featured on the BBC Sounds’ Best Men podcast with Jason Manford and written ‘ The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches’ , published by Little, Brown.

How can we help you?

Speech edit service, £ 245, bespoke speech writing service, £ 495, delivery coaching, £ 150, or check out our range of speech templates from just £ 29 :, we’re rated ‘excellent' on trustpilot for a reason....

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How to Write a Funny Wedding Speech

You don't have to be Kristen Wiig or Chris Rock to give a toast that's hilarious. Here’s how to write a wedding speech that will get your audience laughing out loud.

Photo: Lacey Gabrielle Photography

You’ve been asked to make a speech at a wedding and you want keep things funny, not sappy. The good news is that you don't have to be Kristen Wiig or Chris Rock to give a toast that's hilarious.

Here’s how to write a funny wedding speech that will get your audience laughing out loud.

Get inspired Need to find some inspiration? Brainstorm ideas while watching your favorite sitcom or funny movie, or listening to a stand-up comic. You don’t want to copy the jokes you hear word for word, but they may spark your own creativity. While it’s tempting to steal a great punch line, remember that you’ll get a better response from a joke that’s original. Make it quick Wedding speeches only have to be two or three minutes long. If you go any longer, you’ll start to lose people’s attention, causing your humor to land flat. Practice, practice, practice Make sure to practice your speech a lot beforehand. Even the most well-written, hilarious speech will tank if you can’t deliver the lines clearly or with the right inflection. The more you can memorize your speech and deliver it naturally, the better it will sound. Admit you're nervous It’s both relatable and charming when the speech-giver confesses, “I’m really nervous.” Guests will be more receptive and forgiving of whatever you’re about to say. Who can’t relate to being anxious when addressing a crowd? Also, remember that most people who are attending a wedding are in high spirits. They’re ready to smile and have a good time. Even a light quip is likely to get a good reaction. Get the guests involved Starting your speech off with a question is a great way to get everyone to tune in. Start with, “Has anybody here...” and then include something amusing or hysterical that the bride, groom or couple has done. Walk down memory lane Was the first time you met the bride or groom particularly comical? Retell the story - it will be entertaining on its own. First impressions can be haphazard and ridiculous, making for great anecdotes. This will also give the guests a glimpse into what the couple’s life was like from the beginning. The more of a history you have with the bride or groom, the more stories you can dip into. Talk about the absurd childhood dreams you shared or the practical jokes you played on teachers in elementary school.

Be self-deprecating Talk about how the bride or groom excels at something you don’t. Poke fun at yourself. This will get a laugh, keep the speech relaxed and compliment the couple all at the same time. Tease the couple...but just a bit It’s okay to poke a bit of good-natured fun at the bride or groom, so long as it’s within reason. Keep it light. Tease them about their taste in music or their go-to outfit in middle school. Talk about something that will leave them giggling at, not furious with, you. You can also go so over-the-top that people will know that you’re speaking in jest. If you’re not sure if you’re walking that line correctly, though, skip it. Show your talents Are you a great singer or rapper? Make your toast musical. If you’re a writer or storyteller, cleverly recount a story to entertain the crowd. If you seem to have knee-slapping zingers, string together a few one-liners that all connect to the same theme. Play up whatever it is you’re good at. Bring a prop Props can take some of the focus and pressure off you while boosting a story. If there’s a prop that will illustrate the main points of your speech, use it! An old photo, childhood toy or relic from your teenage days can make a speech more memorable and silly. Embrace a slip-up If you stumble over your words and end up spurting out something ridiculous that you didn’t mean to say, embrace it, especially if the crowd roars in laughter. That’s the point of delivering a good-humored speech! Let your audience react Speak slowly and pause for a few seconds to let your best lines sink in. If you drop a wisecrack and then immediately continue speaking, people may not catch what you said. Avoid rookie mistakes Don’t mention exes, tell embarrassing stories or revisit drunken nights. Don’t be unflattering to anybody in attendance. Insulting someone who’s there, even if it’s all in good fun, will make people uncomfortable when they’re supposed to be celebrating. End on a high note Even if your speech is 99 percent funny, you’ll want to end it on a sentimental note. Wish the couple well, express your love for them and then raise your glass.

Public Speaking Experts Share Their Top Tips for Giving an Amazing Wedding Speech

Check out their best examples and advice to learn how to knock it out of the park.

Photo by Kurt Boomer

In This Article

Most people would agree that public speaking isn't easy, and this is especially true when you're feeling the added pressure that comes along with giving a speech at a loved one's wedding. Not only do you have the attention of dozens (if not hundreds!) of guests you probably don't know, but you're also trying to appeal to a group of people in a wide range of ages from all different phases of the couple's lives. What's more, you want your speech to delight the couple of the hour and be as appealing to your group of friends as it to the newlyweds' grandparents. All in all, it's a tough task.

Before you panic, know that we're here to help. Ahead, we're sharing a comprehensive guide on what you should include in your speech , how to nail your delivery, and questions to consider to get the brainstorming process started—all from noteworthy speakers, well-established speechwriters, and wedding planners (who have seen it all).

Wedding Speech Template

Every great wedding speech has one thing in common: the right flow. Factor in these guidelines to help you find your own organic rhythm.

Open With a Statement or Question

Don't lead with a joke or a reference to how nervous you are. "The goal is to engage your audience, not make it a boring one-way message," says award-winning motivational speaker Jaime Pfeffer . "You'll lose them if you do this."

Introduce Yourself

After your opener, introduce yourself, says Fallon Carter , a wedding planner, even designer, and professional speaker. "A lot of times, people don't know who is speaking, and they don't know their relationship to the bride or the groom," she says. "It's really important to identify yourself, so make sure you've prepared something."

Address Your Audience

As speaker and life strategy coach Mark Black, CSP , points out, focusing on yourself only enhances nerves. "Instead, concentrate on your audience and how you want them to feel. This will help you to speak from the heart, allowing your speech to do what it's supposed to do: Make the couple feel special while also engaging the audience."

Focus on a Few Points

Seasoned speaker Susan Bender Phelps, CEO of Odyssey Mentoring & Leadership , says her top guideline is to select one to three aspects of the newlyweds that you love and appreciate, along with no more than three short stories to illustrate each of these points (or that one point). "The simple, succinct story or stories where the bride and groom are the hero will work best." This is an excellent way to structure your speech and keep your message focused.

How Long Wedding Speeches Should Be

The ideal length for a speech is three to five minutes, with five minutes being the absolute maximum you should speak for. That's it. "I’ve never been to a wedding where anyone said, 'That was a great wedding, but the best man speech was just too short and that ruined it,'" says David Litt , the speechwriter for former President Barack Obama and author of Thanks, Obama .

Carter agrees: "I always say anywhere between two and five minutes—and no more than five minutes," she says. "You want to keep things short and sweet." It's just as important to keep in mind when the speech will take place when determining length, since toasts are often timed with meal courses: "Be mindful of how long a course generally takes or how long it takes people to eat," Carter adds, noting that most courses last between 15 and 20 minutes and that several speeches have to fit inside each window. "If there are other people speaking, you want to be mindful and give them space."

Wedding Speech Tips

Now that you've established the right framework for your words, take note of these essential tips for acing the delivery from a few speaking pros.

Rehearse Regularly

The better prepared you are, the more confident you'll be and the better your speech will be, says author and professional speaker Barry Maher . A good rule of thumb is to practice the speech enough that you can remember the points you want to make and the order in which you want to make them. That way, you can look out to the crowd and make eye contact every so often.

Record Yourself Practicing

Use your phone to take a video of yourself practicing, suggests Kate Kenfield , speaker and sex educator. "It can be a little uncomfortable to watch yourself, but you'll be able to identify distracting mannerisms, such as the verbal pauses 'um,' 'uh,' and 'like'." It's also a good idea to practice your speech in front of someone else. "A second opinion can help you craft your piece and make it that much stronger," she says.

Don't forget body language! Rehearse the speech in front of a mirror and notice things like your facial expression, eye contact, and hand position.

Avoid Alcohol

Although it may be tempting to look for some liquid courage, alcohol definitely won't do you any favors, warns keynote speaker Amy Morin , author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do . "It may cause you to slur your speech and forget your lines, so wait until after your toast to celebrate," she advises. If you need a drink to loosen up the nerves or can't refrain from participating in a toast without being rude, stick to one glass of Champagne before you address the crowd.

Use Nerves to Your Advantage

A little nervousness can actually liven up your speech. "I get worried if I'm not a little nervous," says Maher. "I'll actually try to make myself a little tense to get my energy level up." The key is to harness that energy and communicate it in a positive, genuine way; tensing up to the point that you forget your words or panic won't make for a great presentation.

Be Yourself

Keep in mind that you're not putting on a show, only sharing your personal perspective. Trying too hard to force the funny can yield the opposite of the desired effect, cautions Matt Dalley, co-founder of Simply Eloped . "I've noticed that keeping it short and sweet, heartfelt and warm, and coming across as authentic and focused on the couple is something we are all capable of and generates some very wonderful moments," he says.

Never Embarrass the Newlyweds

It's a wedding toast, not a roast. While this should go without saying, keep the bachelor or bachelorette party jokes out of it, and remember that grandma and possibly a few colleagues are in the audience, notes Laurie Battaglia , a keynote speaker and workplace strategist. "It's okay to look back at childhood and refer to something funny, but ask yourself if you'd like 200-plus of your closest friends knowing that story about you."

Use Your Notes

Reading your speech straight from a piece of paper is a big no-no. However, having a couple of note cards handy is encouraged. "You're likely to be nervous, excited, and exhausted, which can make you forget your lines," explains Morin. "The audience won't care if you glance at your notes. In fact, there's a good chance they won't even notice."

Wedding Speech Brainstorm Ideas

Need some inspiration? Ask yourself these questions to get the brainstorming process going.

Who will speak before you? After you? How will this affect the content of your toast? (Perhaps you want to include a reference to their speech, thank them for an introduction, or introduce the next speaker).
Is there someone you should thank for making the event possible and inviting you to speak?
What would you want to hear in this speech if you were in the audience?
Is there a favorite story or memory that the couple would want you to share with their friends and family?

Wedding Speech Examples to Make Your Own

So, what does it look like when all these elements come together? Wedding vow and speechwriter Katelyn Peterson , owner and creator of Wedding Words , offered us three examples of successful toasts to inspire your own.

Maid of Honor Wedding Speech Example

"Hi, I’m Maya, the bride’s older sister . With Lucy being three years younger, we fell right into our respective roles as sister-rivals growing up. We constantly fought over stolen clothes, monopolizing the phone back when landlines were a thing, and what boy band to blare from the car speakers. I’m still Team Backstreet Boys while Lucy is forever indebted to NSYNC.

Looking back on those memories, I should have stepped up and granted Lucy permission to wear my favorite sweater for picture day, to hand her the phone once in a while, and to let her play, 'Bye Bye Bye.' Even I can admit that’s a good one. But despite Lucy being the younger sister, she has always been more patient, more accommodating, and more thoughtful than me. And that’s because when it comes to the people she loves, she’s all in.

She’s the one to prioritize their desires. She’s the one to compromise first. And, she’s the one to support their dreams as if they were her own.

This is why it makes me so happy to know that Lucy has found a home in David. He matches her in compassion, thoughtfulness, and warmth. And I know he’ll spend his life prioritizing her desires, being ready to compromise, and supporting her dreams as his own.

Cheers to Lucy and David! May you always feel loved because you always put each other first."

Best Man Wedding Speech Example

"Hello, everyone. My name is Luke and I’m the best man . I met Robert eight years ago when I became his neighbor. His reputation preceded him as I had heard about the 'Block Party King' before my closing papers were inked.

Rob has never been the guy to wear fancy clothes. In fact, I’m still in shock seeing him in that tux tonight. And he’s never been the guy to show off even though the work he’s put into his vintage Mustang could make Henry Ford himself envious.

But when it comes to cooking, he should receive an award. His pulled pork is a staple at our summer block parties and his homemade barbeque sauce has remained our neighborhood’s best-kept secret. But the most satisfying part about his delicious dishes is that there’s always plenty to go around. And Rob makes sure your plate is never empty. I have no idea how he pulls it off, but Rob has a covert ability to scoop seconds onto your plate without you ever seeing him do it. I hope you all came hungry tonight, folks. You’ve been warned!

The first time I met Jasmine I could immediately tell she was an amazing person. She laughed at his jokes which I never thought anyone would get. She supported his career and the nonstop travel involved. But most importantly, whenever we’re all hanging out, Jasmine is the one always topping off Rob’s plate with more pasta, more chicken, more of everything. When she’s around, it’s never empty.

And that’s when I saw what a perfect match they were for each other. I know they will always put each other first, make sure their needs are met, and will never allow the other to go hungry.

So let’s raise our glasses to toast the newlyweds! As you begin this next chapter together, may your plates and your hearts always remain full."

Father of the Bride Wedding Speech Example

"Good evening, family, and friends. I’m Daniel Lee, the father of the bride. I’d like to welcome you to this special occasion where we get to celebrate the love between my daughter Allison and her new wife, Kristin.

Standing up here today, I’m reminded of all the moments that led to this significant one. The dance recitals that ended with standing ovations and the soccer games that concluded with winning scoreboards.

But, while those were fun and rewarding times, those aren’t the moments I cherish most with Allison. The memories that make me smile the brightest are those in-between the big stuff moments. It’s the makeshift magic shows in our living room using a bedsheet that Allison confiscated from our linen closet to convert into a curtain. It’s the countless tea parties she hosted with exclusive invitations just for me and her beloved stuffed bear, Buttons. And it’s the way she’d beg to stay up for just five more minutes but was asleep on the couch by minute number two.

Those everyday, blink-and-you’ll-miss-them moments with Allison are the ones that gave color to my life and filled my heart with a happiness I never knew could exist.

So, my beautiful daughter, as you begin your life with Kristin today, I have one wish for you: May your warmest memories come from the ordinary moments throughout your marriage, and may those moments give you a reason to smile brighter every day. Cheers! I love you both." —Daniel

What Not to Say in a Wedding Speech

Your job when delivering a wedding speech is to keep things light—tell an anecdote, make an emotional connection, then wish the couple well before you close out. Anything that doesn't feel definitively positive should be avoided. "I would advocate against bringing up negative details, specifically past relationships or past spouses," says Carter. "Skip anything that you wouldn't want to be physically recorded and played over and over again—this is a rule of thumb."

Keep it light, delicate, and present- and future-focused, Carter adds. "If you're going to go into the past, make those stories really intentional," she says. "Bring those stories back to who they are now. Your mission is to create a great environment and vibe and to potentially give some information about one of the newlyweds, so that it's enlightening for all guests."

A Guide to Wedding Reception Toasts

Who Gives a Speech at a Wedding Reception?

How to Write a Wedding Toast

Tips for the Father of the Bride Speech

How to Write a Best Man Toast

Advice for the Maid of Honor Speech

What to Know About a Newlywed Toast

Public Speaking Experts' Wedding Speech Tips

60 Quotes to Use for Your Wedding Toast

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25 funny opening lines for wedding speeches.

W edd ing speeches are an important part of any wedding celebration . They provide an opportunity for the couple to thank their family and friends and express their love for one another . But , it can be difficult to come up with the perfect opening line for your speech .

Never fear ! We ’ ve compiled a list of 25 funny opening lines for wedding speeches that are sure to get your guests laughing . From classic one - liners to pun s and jokes , these lines will give you the perfect start to your speech .

1 . “ Good evening everyone , I have a few words to say , so I ’ m going to make like a tree and leave . ”

2 . “ I wanted to start my speech with a joke , but I couldn ’ t find one that was appropriate for a wedding . So , I ’ ll just say congratulations ! ”

3 . “ If I had a dollar for every time I ’ ve heard a wedding speech , I ’ d be rich . ”

4 . “ I ’ ve been told I have to give a speech , so here goes nothing . ”

#5 . “ I ’ m not here to give a speech , I ’ m here to give a toast ! ”

6 . “ I ’ m not sure what I ’ m supposed to say , but I ’ m sure it ’ ll come to me eventually . ”

7 . “ I ’ m not sure how to start this speech , so I ’ ll just say congratulations to the happy couple ! ”

8 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered that I ’ m not a comedian . So , congratulations ! ”

9 . “ I ’ ve been asked to give a speech and I have no idea what to say , so I ’ m just going to wing it . ”

10 . “ I was about to give a speech , but then I remembered I don ’ t actually have anything to say . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

11 . “ I ’ m not sure what I ’ m supposed to say , but I ’ m sure it ’ ll come to me in a moment . So , in the meantime , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

12 . “ I ’ m not sure what I ’ m supposed to say , so I ’ m just going to start off by saying congratulations ! ”

13 . “ I didn ’ t plan on giving a speech , but here I am . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

14 . “ I ’ m not sure what to say , but I ’ m sure it ’ ll come to me … eventually . ”

15 . “ I don ’ t know what to say , so I ’ m just going to say “ che ers ” to the happy couple ! ”

16 . “ I ’ m not sure what to say , so I ’ m just going to say “ cong ratulations ” to the happy couple ! ”

17 . “ I was trying to think of something to say , but then I realized that I don ’ t have to say anything . So , cheers to the happy couple ! ”

18 . “ I was going to say something funny , but then I realized that this is a wedding and not a comedy show . So , congratulations ! ”

19 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I realized that I don ’ t actually know any jokes . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

20 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered that this is a wedding and not a comedy club . So , congratulations ! ”

21 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered this isn ’ t a roast . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

22 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I realized I don ’ t actually know any jokes . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

23 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I remembered that this is a wedding and not a stand - up comedy show . So , congratulations ! ”

24 . need 24 and 25 24 . “ I was going to start my speech with a joke , but then I realized I don ’ t have any jokes that are appropriate for a wedding . So , here ’ s to the happy couple ! ”

25 . “ I was looking for the perfect joke to start my speech with , but then I realized that nothing I could say could measure up to the happiness of this day . So , congratulations ! ”

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Funny Wedding Ceremony Script Samples For Perfect Ceremony

kreativwedding via Instagram

A funny wedding ceremony script can turn your day into one that is so unforgettable. Yet the problem lies in creating the perfect funny wedding script without resorting to dark humor. The regular traditional and religious wedding script has a skeleton that serves as guidelines. But for the funny script, it gets creative from the wedding officiant speech, and down to close. So, for your simple wedding ceremony of all types, see below funny wedding script ideas.

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Is it common to include humor in a wedding ceremony script?

Absolutely! The Paris Celebrants recomends, “For our fun-loving couples seeking a more light-hearted touch, infusing humor into the ceremony script adds a delightful and personal element. This lighthearted approach is a charming way to celebrate love with laughter, creating memorable moments that resonate with the couple’s playful spirit. Whether it’s humorous anecdotes, witty or clever remarks woven into the script, the aim is to craft a ceremony that reflects the couple’s unique sense of joy and camaraderie. It’s a wonderful opportunity to blend the sincerity of the occasion with a touch of levity, creating an unforgettable and joy-filled experience for everyone involved.”

Funny Marriage Ceremony Script For Traditional Wedding

“ Officiant: Everyone please sit. First, I’d like to begin by welcoming everyone and thanking every one of you for being here on this happiest of days. It’s no accident that each of you is here today, and each of you was invited to be here because you represent someone important in the individual and collective lives of NAME and NAME. I truly can’t think of a better venue than _________ [“paradise” for a destination wedding, “this beautiful church” for a more religious affair, etc.] for an occasion that I know is not only monumental for the wedded couple to be but for all of us who are lucky to know and love them as individuals; but even more so as a perfect pairing.

The most remarkable moment in life is when you meet the person who makes you feel complete. The person who makes the world a beautiful and magical place. The person with whom you share a bond so special that it transcends normal relationships and becomes something so pure and so wonderful, that you can’t imagine spending another day of your life without them. For NAME, that happened about 20 years ago when s/he met me and we became best friends [add some humor if your officiant is a friend]. But about X years ago s/he met NAME, who is pretty wonderful, too. I know how deeply these two care for and love one another, and I feel privileged to be here today among all of you as a witness of their commitment to a lifetime of love for one another.

I think I’ve had the good fortune to meet most of you here today at some point or another, but for those of you whom I haven’t met, my name is [short biographical info about how the officiant knows the couple].”

The Love Story

“ Officiant: Now, NAME and NAME have asked that I keep this speech short, classy, and family-friendly, and politely asked me to leave out stories that are unflattering to either of them. So I’ve had to redline stories about previous flings…drugs or alcohol…encounters with the police…but I do feel comfortable saying, “I told you so.” This is exactly what I said when I learned that NAME and NAME’s relationship was becoming truly serious.

As a third-party spectator to their developing love, it was extremely clear that the two of them represent a perfect pairing because each of them complements the other so well. They balance one another, and while each of them is a tremendous individual on their own, together they are even better. And being better together, as a team, a unit, and partners in crime, is what has been many years in the making and ultimately leads us to be here today, witnessing their commitment to one another in front of those they love most.

I wish I could tell you a single story about NAME and NAME that summarizes their relationship and how they enrich each other’s lives, and the lives of each of us, but the truth is there isn’t one single event that is a good encapsulation of what they mean to me, to each other and all of us. But what I do know is that both of them care deeply and passionately for each other; they protect each other; they make each other laugh and think outside themselves; that time magically seems to both fly and slow down when they’re together. They help each other in ways that are obvious and unnoticed but always appreciated.

I also know that it’s not just anyone with whom you can have communication with simply a look, or remember the weirdest names of each other’s lift drivers, or surprise each other with reservations at a restaurant you’ve been eyeing for years, or say “I’m sorry” every time it’s warranted (…eventually). They do that for and with each other.

But it’s also my personal experiences with NAME and NAME that highlight the quality of their love. It doesn’t matter if I’m with them in person, or simply in a bizarre group text with them—when I’m engaging with NAME and NAME, I am always enjoying myself. And I am certain that that’s part of what makes them so special to each of us: how happy and contented we feel when we are with them. And what I wish for them on their wedding day is that their life together as a team is one of complete contentment; full of those moments that they wish would never end, and that they continue to make one another smile and laugh as they make each of us do.”

“Dearly beloved and honored guests: We are gathered together here to join NAME and NAME in the union of marriage. This contract is not to be entered into lightly, but thoughtfully and seriously, and with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities. The grooms/brides/bride and groom have each prepared vows that they will read now.”

[Exchanging of vows]

“ Officiant: And now: NAME, do you take NAME to be your husband/wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him/her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him/her forevermore? [“I do.”] And NAME, do you take NAME to be your husband/wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him/her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him/her forevermore? [“I do.”] “

“ Officiant: NAME and NAME will now exchange rings as a symbol of love and commitment to each other. Rings are a precious metal; they are also made precious by you wearing them. Your wedding rings are special; they enhance who you are. They mark the beginning of your long journey together. Your wedding ring is a circle—a symbol of love never-ending. It is the seal of the vows you have just taken to love each other without end. NAME, please place the ring on NAME’s left hand and repeat after me:

As a sign of my love

That I have chosen you

Above all else

With this ring, I thee wed.

And NAME, please place the ring on NAME’s left hand and repeat after me:

With this ring, I thee wed.”

The Good Wishes

“ Officiant: To make your relationship work will take love. Continue to date each other. Take time to show each other that your love and marriage grow stronger with time. It will take trust to know that in your hearts, you truly want what is best for each other. It will take dedication to stay open to one another—and to learn and grow together. It will take loyalty to go forward together, without knowing exactly what the future brings. And it will take commitment to hold true to the journey you have both pledged today.”

The Declaration of Marriage / The Kiss

“ Officiant: And now by the power vested in me by _______________, it is my honor and delight to declare you married. Go forth and live each day to the fullest. You may seal this declaration with a kiss. I am so pleased to present the newlyweds, NAMES.”

The twist to a traditional wedding ceremony script is the infusion of humor that’s decent and relatable. The traditional wedding ceremony script template is well maintained. But also laced with decent humor. Such a comedic wedding ceremony script calms the nerves of guests and lightens the atmosphere. This is a wedding ceremony script that has been for ages, but with a twist. You could make the vows or ring exchange wording funny.

Wedding Ceremony Script For A Non-Religious Ceremony

“We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life’s greatest moments, the joining of two hearts. In this ceremony today we will witness the joining GROOM/BRIDE and GROOM/BRIDE in marriage. Today we have come together to witness the joining of these two lives. For them, out of the routine of ordinary life, the extraordinary has happened. They met each other, fell in love, and are finalizing it with their wedding today. Romance is fun, but true love is something far more and it is their desire to love each other for life and that is what we are celebrating here today. But today is also a celebration for the rest of us, for it is a pleasure for us to see the love in bloom, and to participate in the union of two people so delightfully suited to one another. And to have a couple of cocktails in the process. So let’s get on with it already!”

Words of Wisdom

“A good marriage must be created. In marriage, the “little” things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say, “I love you” at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is standing together and facing the world. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is not only marrying the right person — it is being the right partner”

“Face each other and hold hands (repeat after me) I, GROOM/BRIDE take you GROOM/BRIDE to be my husband/wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever. I will trust you and honor you I will laugh with you and cry with you. I will love you faithfully Through the best and the worst, Through the difficult and the easy. Whatever may come I will always be there. As I have given you my hand to hold So I give you my life to keep

GROOM/BRIDE AND GROOM/BRIDE I would ask that you always treat yourself and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together today.

Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness, and kindness that your marriage deserves. When frustration and difficulty assail your marriage – as they do to every relationship at one time or another – focus on what still seems right between you, not only the part that seems wrong. This way, when clouds of trouble hide the sun in your lives and you lose sight of it for a moment, you can remember that the sun is still there. And if each of you will take responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and happiness.”

I Do’s

“GROOM/BRIDE do you take GROOM/BRIDE to be your awful wedded Husband/Wife? (“I do”) Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him/her, and be faithful to him/her? (“I do”) Do you promise to take out the trash and pick up your clothes off the floor? (“I do”) And do you promise to love him/her even when he/she is cranky (“I do”)

GROOM/BRIDE do you take GROOM/BRIDE to be your awful wedded Husband/Wife? (“I do”) Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him/her, and be faithful to him/her? (“I do”) Do you promise not to whine at him/her when he/she forgets to take out the trash or pick up his clothes from the floor? (“I do”) And do you promise to love him/her after he/she has been out all night with the boys/girls? (“I do”)”

Ring Exchange (who has the rings) (repeat after me)

“There are 3 rings of marriage. The wedding ring, The Engagement ring, and the suffering. We hope the latter can be held to a minimum. I GROOM/BRIDE, take thee, GROOM/BRIDE to be my Husband/Wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, in joy and sorrow, and I promise My love to you. And with this ring, I take you as my Husband/Wife, for as long as we both shall live.”

Closing Comments

“To make your relationship work will take love. This is the core of your marriage and why you are here today. It will take trust, to know, that in your hearts, you truly want what is best for each other. It will take dedication, to stay open to one another – and to learn and grow together. It will take faith, to go forward together, without knowing exactly what the future brings. And it will take commitment, to hold true to the journey you both have pledged to today. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you . . . . . .”

“You may kiss your HUSBAND/WIFE. I would like to introduce the happy couple.”

A humorous wedding ceremony script that’s non-tradition gives you the opportunity to show your personality. The humor goes as far as you can take it because the script becomes flexible. This type of script suits the secular, civil, and agnostic wedding, because there’s no mention of culture, spirituality, or supreme beings. A wedding script non-religious funny type is formal yet humorous. The wedding sermons are traditional without faith mentioned.

Short Funny Wedding Ceremony Script

“Welcome, family, friends, and loved ones. We are gathered here today, surrounded by the beauty of creation and nurtured by the sights and sounds of nature to celebrate the wedding of Daniel and Sara.

You have come here from near and from far away to share in this commitment now they make to one another, to offer your love and support to their union, and to allow Daniel and Sara to start their married life together.

Marriage is a bold step into an unknown future. It is risking who we are for the sake of who we can be. In marriage, two lives are intimately shared; and the blending of the two must not diminish either one. Rather, it should enhance the individuality of each partner.

If the old fairy-tale ending “and they lived happily ever after….” is taken to mean “They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,” then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, and your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be “in love” need not mean ceasing to love.”

Declaration of intent and vows exchange:

“Daniel and Sara, please join hands, look at one another now and remember this moment in time.

Officiant: Groom, do you take Bride to be your wife? I do. Do you promise to take out the trash and pick up your clothes off the floor? I do.

Officiant: Bride, do you take Groom to be your husband? I do. Do you promise to love her even when she is cranky? I do.

Officiant: Daniel, please take Sara’s hand and repeat after me.

Sara, I take you as you are/ loving who you are / I promise from this day forward/ To fill our lives with adventure and our home with laughter/ To inspire you to grow as an individual / To love you completely/ I will laugh with you and cry with you.

Officiant: Sara, please take Daniel’s hand and repeat after me.

Daniel, I take you as you are/ loving who you are / I promise from this day forward/ To fill our lives with adventure and our home with laughter/ To inspire you to grow as an individual / To love you completely/ I will laugh with you and cry with you.”

Giving of rings

“Officiant: Please present the rings

There are 3 rings of marriage. The wedding ring, The Engagement ring, and the suffering. We hope the latter can be held to a minimum.

Daniel, as you place this ring on Bride‘s finger, repeat these words after me:

This ring symbolizes my love for you/ and the commitments we made today

Sara, as you place this ring on Groom‘s finger, repeat these words after me:

This ring symbolizes my love for you/ and the commitments we made today.”

Conclusion & Pronouncement

“Daniel and Sara, you have come here today of your own free will and in the presence of family and friends, have declared your love and commitment to each other. You have given and received a ring as a symbol of your promises. By the power of your love and commitment to each other, and by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may now share your first kiss as husband and wife.

Congratulations. Friends and family, I now present to you the newly married couple. Let’s hear it for ‘em!”

With all the readings, sayings, and vows, wedding ceremonies can quickly get too formal and emotional with a tense environment. Guests get bored and begin to zone out or do other things that take their attention off the ceremony happening. So if you want to get their attention, you need a short funny wedding ceremony script.

One that is brief and straight to the point, yet humorous enough that it will keep the guests laughing and attentive. Regardless of your wedding style, a little humor works. Humor sits best within your officiant address, wedding readings, your vows, and presentation of the couple.

Funny Casual Wedding Ceremony Script

“Welcome everyone to this joyous occasion, where two people who are absolutely crazy about each other have decided to take the leap into marriage. Today, we’re going to witness the union of [Bride] and [Groom], who have chosen to combine their lives, their hearts, and their Netflix accounts.

[Bride] and [Groom], do you take each other to be your lawfully wedded partner in crime? Do you promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, even when [Groom] forgets to take out the trash or [Bride] leaves the toilet seat up?

[Pause for response]

Now, before we get to the exchanging of rings, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge the important role that smartphones have played in [Bride] and [Groom]’s relationship. From their first awkward text messages to their endless stream of funny memes, their phones have been a constant source of entertainment and connection. So, I’d like to invite everyone to take out their phones right now and snap a photo of the happy couple.

Okay, let’s move on to the exchanging of rings. [Bride], please place the ring on [Groom]’s finger and repeat after me: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment, I will always be there for you.

[Groom], please place the ring on [Bride]’s finger and repeat after me: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment, I will always be there for you.

And now, by the power vested in me by the Internet and this awesome couple’s love for each other, I pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss each other, but please don’t get too carried away, we still have cake to eat.

[Everyone cheers and the newlyweds kiss]

Congratulations to [Bride] and [Groom], may your love continue to grow stronger with each passing day, and may your Netflix queue never run out of new shows to watch together.”

Looking for a casual and lighthearted wedding ceremony script? Here are a few things to keep in mind. Consider the tone you want to set for your wedding. If you’re going for a more laid-back and relaxed vibe, a casual wedding ceremony script can help create that atmosphere.

When choosing a wedding ceremony script, look for one that reflects your personality and relationship. If you’re a fun-loving couple who enjoys making each other laugh, a funny ceremony script can be a great way to showcase that. A good wedding ceremony script should strike a balance between humor and sentimentality.

Simple Funny Wedding Ceremony Script

“Welcome everyone to the wedding of [Bride] and [Groom]! We’re gathered here today to celebrate the union of these two wonderful people who have decided to join their lives together in the bonds of holy matrimony… or at least until they get sick of each other’s bad puns.

[Bride] and [Groom], do you promise to love and cherish each other, even when one of you forgets to do the dishes or leaves the toilet seat up? Do you promise to always support each other’s dreams, even if those dreams involve becoming a professional cheese sculptor? And do you promise to never stop laughing together, even when life gets tough?

Now, let’s move on to the exchanging of rings. [Bride], please place the ring on [Groom]’s finger and repeat after me: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment, and as a reminder that I’m still willing to put up with your dad jokes.

[Groom], please place the ring on [Bride]’s finger and repeat after me: “I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and commitment, and as a reminder that I promise to always bring you coffee in bed.”

And now, by the power vested in me by… well, my ability to read this script, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may now seal your marriage with a kiss, but please try to keep it PG-13, we don’t want to scare the children.

Congratulations to [Bride] and [Groom], may your love be as strong and resilient as your ability to survive each other’s cooking.”

To create a fun and memorable wedding ceremony, choose a simple and funny script that’s light, personal, and appropriate for your audience. Practice with your officiant to ensure it flows smoothly. Enjoy your special day celebrating love!

Best Wedding Officiant Speech

“Welcome everyone!

On this beautiful day, _______ and _______ have brought us together to celebrate their love and union in matrimony. Thank you all for joining us and being a part of their love story. _______ and _______ also wanted to thank _______ and _______, who are sitting in the front row, for blessing this union and always being an example of unconditional, pure love.

After years of nurturing a beautiful, strong relationship, it’s great to see these two tying the knot and taking the next step towards building a family. If you’ve had the fortune that I have, you have witnessed _______ and _______ meet, from a rom-com worthy friendship to falling deeply in love.

I remember the day _______ told me about their first date. There was a light in her eyes that I’d never seen before. She was excited and nervous. She worried that ______ didn’t feel the same connection she felt. Little did she know that _______ was already calling her “the one?”

It warms my heart to see the way _______ looks at _______. He looks at her as if she’s the last and only woman on Earth, and to him, I know she is. I’ve seen these two be there for each other through life’s unexpected twists and turns, only growing closer and stronger from each setback. I’ve seen them share laughs, collect a library of inside jokes, and most shocking of all, I’ve seen _______ share her desserts with _______, which is when I knew this was serious.

Marriage isn’t easy but I trust these two. I have trust in their love, their friendship, and their commitment to one another. I know they’ll be there for each other, I know they’ll be loyal, and I know they’ll spend the rest of their lives growing and learning from one another. With that, I think it’s time to let them speak about their love.”

A funny wedding officiant speech combines funny wedding sermons for laughs. This is one of the best funny wedding officiant speech ideas.

Ring Exchange Wording Funny Samples

“I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to be with you. And in your face for as long as I live.”
“I give you this ring as a symbol of my love for you. Let it be a reminder that I am always by your side, sharing your stuff. And that I will always be a faithful partner to you.”
“(Name), I give you this ring as a symbol of my love. As it encircles your finger, may it remind you always that you are surrounded by my enduring love. And you’re stuck with me forever.”

Funny Wedding Ceremony Vows

“I, take you (insert fiancé’s name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, for even poorer when I’ve been shopping, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”
“In front of our friends and family gathered here, I promise to love and cherish you in good times and in bad. I promise to put down the toilet seat – and to replace the toilet roll when it’s over and to never, ever, ever forget our wedding anniversary or your birthday.”
“I promise to love you as much as I do our dog. From this day forward, I will lint roll the chairs whenever your parents visit. I will love you in sickness and in health, as long as you take care of the vet visits. I promise to cuddle you as much as I do (pet’s name) and pick up treats for you whenever he gets some too.”

When you personalize your wedding ceremony vows, they become evergreen. Feel free to use our samples above. It’s a nice idea to make your ring exchange wording funny. This portrays heart and humor at for the wedding ceremony .

How to Incorporate Humor into the Ceremony Script

funny wedding ceremony script samples for perfect ceremony ring exange

josie_lee via Instagram

When incorporating humor into the ceremony script, it is crucial to strike a careful balance. Tailor the humor to align with the couple’s personalities, preferences, and cultural context, while also considering the comfort and enjoyment of the couple, guests, and officiant. Ensure that the humor enhances the celebratory atmosphere without overshadowing the significance of the occasion.

Welcoming and Engaging the Guests with a Lighthearted Opening : – Start the ceremony with a warm and humorous welcome to set a lighthearted tone. – Incorporate funny remarks or anecdotes about the couple or the wedding day itself to engage the guests from the start.
Personalizing the Love Story: – Share funny and endearing stories about the couple’s journey together. – Highlight humorous moments or inside jokes that showcase their unique relationship and personalities.
Including Humorous Vows or Promises to Each Other: – Infuse the vows or promises with light-hearted humor, incorporating funny promises or playful banter between the couple. – Use comedic timing and delivery to make the vows memorable and enjoyable for both the couple and the guests.
Encouraging Laughter and Interaction During the Ring Exchange: – Add a humorous comment or playful gesture during the ring exchange to lighten the mood and create moments of laughter. – Encourage the couple and guests to share in the joy and celebrate the special moment with humor.
Including a Comedic Interlude or Performance: – Incorporate a comedic interlude or performance, such as a fun reading, a humorous poem, or a lighthearted musical performance, to provide a moment of comedic relief and entertainment. – Ensure the comedic interlude aligns with the overall theme and atmosphere of the wedding ceremony.

Couples are stepping out of the box and making their wedding scripts modern. They incorporate a funny wedding script into religious, non-religious, and even traditional scripts. Preparing the best wedding officiant speech, vows, and ring wordings are not left out. Make your wedding stay in the memories of guests by adding some humor. Take a cue from our script samples above and shine on your day.

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How To Make Your Wedding Speech Funny

Making a wedding speech can be daunting; you want it to hit all the right spots including being funny. Especially the best men and women out there. Today we are joined by Heidi Ellert from the speech writing experts, Speechy , who is sharing her advice on how to make your wedding speech hilarious without resorting to googled gags !

DITCH THE CHEESY GAGS

Heidi says to stay clear of the internet gags.

‘ When it comes to adding humour to your speech, rather than look online, look at the reality of your relationship’, says Heidi. ‘Sure, you’ll find loads of icebreakers if you google them but they’ll generally result in a groan rather than a goggle.’

‘There’s never an excuse to use a joke about even the wedding cake being in tears, or any of the lines you see on the Wedding Joke blogs. They’re cheesy, they’re old and they add nothing to your speech. I f a gag could be delivered by another bride or groom, then I suggest it shouldn’t be in yours!’

KEEP IT REAL

Every relationship has its quirks – so play with them! The secret to good comedy is observation; highlighting behaviour that people recognise as true.

Heidi advises, taking the time to look at your relationship dynamic. ‘Is one of you the boss? Does one of you still fail to load the dishwasher properly? Or does one of you have a special baby voice you use when speaking to your dog? Hunt out your individual quirks and eccentricities. Use self-deprecating humour and affectionately tease your partner.’

PACEY AND PUNCHY

Start early with the humour.

‘As soon as you make your guests laugh, they’ll feel in safe hands’, says Heidi. ‘Try to get some humour into your first few opening lines of your speech and you’ll be able to relax into the rest of the speech quicker’.

Make sure you punctuate the rest of your speech with comedic lines too. ‘ A newlywed speech doesn’t need to be packed with belly-laughs but it should be making people smile throughout’ , says Heidi. ‘ Ideally, you want a bit of a punchline every 30 seconds – that’s a giggle scripted into every 75 words.’

Even the thank yous should contain a bit of humour.

As Heidi states, ‘Make sure your thank yous are more than just the usual cliches. Share the fact you’ve bonded with your father-in-law over a mutual appreciation of malt whisky and dubious football teams rather than just thanking him for welcoming you to the family.’

Another crucial speechwriting tip is keeping the humour pacey. ‘ You might have a cracking anecdote but if you can’t tell it within a few lines, it’s probably too lengthy to include. Keep it fast paced and don’t keep your audience waiting too long for the punchline’.

SHARE A STORY

‘Describing your partner using adjectives alone is rarely effective’, says Heidi. ‘Bring their characteristics to life by telling stories that bring those qualities to life and illustrate them in action’.

If you want to describe your partner as forgetful or overly energetic – prove it. Share the evidence. ‘Stories add weight to both comedy and profound observations’.

AVOID IN-JOKES OR ANYTHING EDGY

Remember, your wedding speech is not a stand-up routine. Avoid anything crude or rude, and make sure all your humour is inclusive of everyone in the room.

USE YOUR BODY AND PREPARE TO PAUSE

Humour isn’t just in the writing, it’s in the delivery too.

A well-timed eyebrow raise can illicit just as much laughter as a great punchline. So, get expressive. Use your body to make a point.

A smile has been proven to be literally infectious so make sure you reflect the funny lines that you’re delivering!

Don’t be afraid to pause where you expect laughter. Sometimes humour is a bit slow to land so give your guests a moment to ‘get it’.

Of course, if there is audible laughter, don’t rush to get on with your speech. Relish the giggles and let the room go quiet before you continue.

MORE ADVICE

Heidi has written ‘The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches’ where she shares more advice on how to nail your wedding speech. Lots of speech examples written by the Speechy team to inspire you too!

Speechy website
‘The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches’ Book
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How to Give A Pitch-Perfect Wedding Speech

The Speaker Lab
April 15, 2024

Being chosen to deliver a wedding speech is an honor, yet crafting that perfect blend of humor, sentimentality, and sincerity is no small feat. Where do you even start?

Don’t worry—that’s where we come in. We’ll walk you through the essentials for creating a memorable toast, such as structuring your thoughts effectively, personalizing your message to strike a chord with the couple and their guests, and mastering delivery techniques that captivate. Armed with these insights—plus rehearsal tactics from our toolkit— you’ll ace that speech.

Crafting the Perfect Wedding Speech

Picture this: The clinking glasses pause, all eyes turn to you, and a hush falls over the room. It’s your moment to deliver a wedding speech that will be remembered long after the last dance. But where do you start?

Easy—crafting a speech for such an occasion requires storytelling, well-structured opening and closing remarks, and a personal touch. Let’s take a look.

Free Download: 6 Proven Steps to Book More Paid Speaking Gigs in 2024

Download our 18-page guide and start booking more paid speaking gigs today!

The Art of Storytelling in Wedding Speeches

Think about the last time a story truly captivated you. It might have been around a campfire, or when an old friend shared a memory of theirs over coffee. Now imagine bringing that same magic to a wedding speech.

Weaving Personal Anecdotes into Your Narrative

Tapping into the art of storytelling can transform your wedding speech from standard fare to something extraordinary. Begin by picking out moments with the couple that spark emotion and reveal their character. These are your gold nuggets, the stories that will resonate with guests because they paint a vivid picture of love and companionship.

Remember though, it’s not just what you say; it’s how you say it. When crafting stories for your speech, consider the tips on effective storytelling techniques offered by Toastmasters International. By heeding their advice, your words will pull the audience deeper into the world you’re painting for them.

Crafting Memorable Characters within Your Stories

Your anecdotes should introduce characters—not just any characters but real people whose quirks and qualities add depth to your narrative. Perhaps it’s Aunt Mabel’s legendary dance moves or how Mike always burns the barbecue ribs at family gatherings. These details create relatable scenes that bring smiles and nods from listeners.

To do this right, focus on specifics rather than generalities; give life to those involved by describing actions instead of listing traits.

Structuring Your Story for Maximum Impact

A great story has rhythm—a beginning that draws listeners in, a middle filled with tension or humor (sometimes both), and an end that ties everything together beautifully. Assemble your thoughts like building blocks: set up expectations early on, then lead up to pivotal moments before concluding gracefully.

Beyond content is pacing—how quickly one part of your speech shifts to another matters too. Practice varying speeds during different parts so every sentiment lands perfectly whether poignant silence or bursts of laughter are called for.

Mastering the Opening and Closing Remarks

Every wedding speech hinges on the opening and closing remarks. These moments are your first and last chances to connect with your audience, making them crucial for leaving a lasting impression.

The First Impression: Nailing Your Opener

The key to a great start is hooking your listeners from the get-go. Think of it like launching a rocket—your opener should have enough thrust to take off successfully. Begin with something relatable; perhaps an anecdote or reference that resonates universally, yet feels personal to the couple’s journey together.

A dash of humor can work wonders, but keep it tasteful. A well-placed joke not only eases any nerves you might have but also warms up the crowd for what’s ahead.

Closing With Impact: Ending On A High Note

When ending your speech, aim for emotional resonance. This could be through heartfelt wishes, reflective wisdom about love and companionship, or even an inspiring quote that encapsulates the essence of the day.

To wrap things up memorably, consider bringing your speech full circle by tying back into your opening remark—a technique often used by seasoned speakers to create cohesiveness in their delivery.

Pacing the Wedding Speech

Pacing is paramount when delivering both openers and closers—you want neither rush nor drag out these critical segments of your speech. Rehearsing beforehand helps fine-tune this timing, especially if you get nervous when speaking publicly. Also remember brevity is bliss; if your speech feels like it’s dragging, consider what parts can be cut or rearranged.

Personalizing Your Wedding Speech

Your wedding speech is not just another toast. If you’ve been asked to give a speech, it’s because of your bond with the couple, so your words should reflect that relationship in a personal way. Remember, authenticity wins over the crowd more than any generic well-wishing could ever do.

Tapping into Shared Memories

Dig deep into your shared history with the couple to find insightful tidbits about their strengths or personalities. A story that captures their essence will not only tug at heartstrings but also bring laughter and nods of recognition from those who know them best.

Alternatively (or perhaps additionally), pick an anecdote that encapsulates the couple’s spirit or reflects what you admire about them. Maybe it’s how they support each other through thick and thin or how their love seems to make even mundane moments magical.

Expressing Genuine Emotions

The strongest messages spring from sincerity. Speak from the heart about what this day means to you and why seeing these two individuals unite fills you with joy. Don’t shy away from showing vulnerability – true feelings are magnetic in public speaking.

If humor is part of your relationship, feel free to illustrate that in your speech, but remember to keep it respectful. Crafting jokes that land without offending anyone is an art worth mastering for occasions like these.

Incorporating Unique Qualities

No one else shares quite the same perspective on the bride and groom as you do, so use this to your advantage. Highlight qualities others may not have noticed, sharing insights only someone close would recognize. A fondness for charity work or a passion for adventure might be perfect examples here.

This approach helps paint a complete picture of who they are individually and together, ensuring guests leave feeling like they’ve gotten closer too.

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Overcoming Public Speaking Anxiety

Picture this: your palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy. It’s not just an Eminem lyric—it’s the all-too-familiar feeling of public speaking jitters before giving a wedding speech. But fear not! There are proven strategies to beat those butterflies and deliver a speech that’ll be remembered for all the right reasons.

Preparation is Your Best Friend

The more you prepare, the less likely you’ll feel like bailing when it’s showtime. Start by outlining your main points and then flesh them out until your lines sound natural—not recited. After all, no one wants to listen to a robot-like monotone at a wedding. Next up? Get feedback from friends or family who can tell you honestly where you shine and where you might need some polish.

Finally, familiarize yourself with speaking skills techniques like body language . Learning how pauses can emphasize points or how varying vocal tones keeps listeners hooked and could help relieve your nerves as you gain confidence.

Mind Over Matter Mindset Shifts

When it comes to conquering your fear of public speaking , one of the most important steps is adopting positive affirmations. You probably have negative thoughts running through your head already, and these guys are confidence killers. To get the upper hand, you need to flip the script in your head and start training yourself to think more positively.

A change in perspective helps kickstart this process. Remember why people have gathered: love and celebration—not critique sessions over speeches. You’re part of making someone’s special day even brighter, which is pretty awesome when you think about it. So talk kindly to yourself in the days leading up to the big event—you might be surprised by how much of a difference it makes!

Breathing Exercises Are Not Just Hot Air

Last but certainly not least, let’s talk breathing exercises. Although it might sound like cliché advice, deep breaths actually go a long way towards calming down frantic nerve cells firing off SOS signals before your public speaking engagements. Simply inhale slowly through the nose for four counts, hold for seven, and exhale for eight. This is called the 4-7-8 breathing technique , and it helps release tensions in your body. Once you’re calm and collected, you’ll be ready to stand and deliver, no problem.

Etiquette and Timing Considerations

If you’re gearing up to give a wedding speech, remember it’s not just about what you say; it’s also about when and how long you speak. Think of the reception as prime time television, and your speech is the headline act—timing is everything.

Respecting The Schedule

You’ve got a golden window to capture attention without stealing the spotlight for too long. Weddings are tight ships, with caterers, DJs, and photographers all working on a set schedule. Find out from the couple or planner exactly when your moment will be so that you can plan accordingly.

A pro tip? Sync up with other speakers before the big day in order to make sure no one hogs the mic for an eternity. It shows respect for everyone’s time, including yours.

The Ideal Speech Length

No one likes a marathon session at a wedding, especially during speeches. A good rule of thumb? Aim for five minutes max. That’s enough time to tell your hilarious story without guests checking their watches.

To keep things short but sweet, crafting your message around key points is essential rather than meandering through memories better suited for another occasion.

Navigating Cultural Nuances

Cultural expectations vary widely and it pays off big-time to know these nuances beforehand because they can affect timing too. Some cultures love lengthy tributes; others expect succinct sentiments. When in doubt, do some digging on traditions, or simply ask someone who knows the ropes.

Remember that reading the room isn’t just smart—it’s etiquette 101.

Incorporating Quotes and Readings into Your Wedding Speech

Choosing the right quotes and readings for your wedding speech can be like finding the perfect spices for a meal—they enhance flavors and add complexity. When you’re up there delivering your wedding speech, dropping in a line from Rumi or Shakespeare isn’t just about showing off your literary chops. It’s about connecting deeper with the hearts of everyone present.

To start, think about what resonates with you and the couple. Choose a quote that mirrors their relationship or adds a layer of intimacy to your speech that generic advice can’t match. If the couple bonded over “The Lord of the Rings,” slip in something from Tolkien that speaks to companionship on great journeys. Or perhaps they share a love for music? Lyrics from their favorite song could strike all the right chords.

The key is context—make sure it fits snugly into your message without feeling forced. You don’t want guests scratching their heads wondering how Gandalf relates to this matrimony. So weave these words carefully into personal stories or themes throughout your toast; let them illuminate rather than overshadow.

Selecting Meaningful Passages

Picking passages doesn’t have to feel like searching for a needle in a haystack either—you’ve got more resources at hand than ever before. Look through books on love and marriage, seek out famous speeches, or even explore poetry websites dedicated solely to verses on love ( Poetry Foundation , we’re looking at you).

If you find something that makes you feel strongly when reading it aloud during practice runs—that’s usually gold. Just avoid clichés, unless you can put a fresh spin on one.

Making It Personal

Writing your own words shows genuine care and creates a personal touch that can resonate deeply with the audience. Make sure what you write is clear and easy to understand, because this will help it strike a chord more than anything overly complex or obscure ever could.

Rehearsal Techniques for a Flawless Delivery

Perfecting your wedding speech is like choreographing a dance; every step, turn, and pause needs practice to look effortless. Rehearsing isn’t just about getting the words right—it’s about making them feel natural.

Practice Methods That Work Wonders

Mirror work can be surprisingly effective. Stand in front of a mirror and deliver your speech. Watch for any awkward gestures or facial expressions—these are tell-tale signs you’re not yet comfortable with the material. The goal here is to sync what you say with how you say it so that each word matches your emotions and body language.

Gathering Constructive Feedback

Audience simulation takes things up a notch. Gather some friends who’ll give honest feedback—not just empty praise—and pretend they’re the wedding guests. This mini-audience will help acclimate you to speaking in front of people, which can do wonders for calming those jitters on the big day.

You might also consider recording yourself—a smartphone will do just fine here—and then reviewing the playback critically but kindly, as if helping out a friend rather than critiquing an enemy.

The beauty of these rehearsal techniques lies in their simplicity and effectiveness: no fancy equipment needed, just time-honored methods bolstered by genuine feedback that pushes you towards delivering that flawless wedding speech we all aim for.

FAQs on Wedding Speeches

What do you say in a wedding speech.

Highlight fond memories, express heartfelt wishes for the couple’s future, and sprinkle in humor to keep it light.

What is a good speech to give at a wedding?

A good wedding speech balances emotion with wit, shares personal stories, and celebrates the couple’s journey together.

What is an example of a short wedding speech?

“To Jane and John: Your love inspires. May your days be filled with joy. Here’s to new beginnings.”

What do you say in your own wedding speech?

Talk about your partner’s impact on your life, share aspirations for what lies ahead, and thank everyone involved.

Delivering a wedding speech is an art. To connect with your audience, tell a story and personalize your message. After all, it’s your connection to the couple that resonates most deeply.

Feeling anxious about your speech? Tackle nerves head-on by preparing and practicing relentlessly. This calms jitters and sharpens delivery.

When the big day comes, mind your manners with timing and etiquette. Also consider employing thoughtful quotes in your speech—they enrich narratives when chosen well. Finally, rehearse like it’s showtime already; get feedback to smooth out those edges for seamless execution on the big day.

It’s time to get out there and deliver a wedding speech that your friends and more importantly, the bride and groom, will love!

Last Updated: April 11, 2024

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Ultimate Guide to Writing & Delivering a Great Wedding Speech or Toast

It doesn’t matter whether you’re giving a bridesmaid speech, best man speech , father of the bride speech or the groom’s wedding speech .

Giving a wedding speech or toast can be nerve-racking. It doesn’t have to be though. Just follow some basic rules and do some preparation work to ease the stress.

We’re here to help with the logistics and inspire your thoughts as well!

Essential Components Every Speech Needs to Rock – Make Your Speech personal – Add a Touch of Humor (But Not Too Much) – Thank Everyone Who Deserves a Thank-You – Write a Strong Speech Opener & Closer – The Ideal Speech Length – Practice Your Speech Before The Big Day! – A Few Things Not to Include in Your Speech The Groom’s Speech The Father of the Bride Speech The Best Man Speech Maid of Honor Speech What Makes a Great Toast? – Short & Sweet, or Long & Heartfelt? – Great Example Toasts – Toasts to Avoid – More Posts to Help You Create a Great Speech

Looking for a Specific Speech? We’ve Got You Covered

Groom’s Speech . Examples, guides, and tips.
Best Man Speech . Helping the best man create an awesome best man speech. Examples included.
Maid of Honor Speeches . How to come up with a great maid of honor speech. Examples included.
Father of the Bride Speech . Your daughter’s getting married. Here’s to delivering a heartfelt speech (with examples)

Essential Components: How to Write a Speech That Rocks

Giving a wedding speech is a great honor, but most of us immediately get writer’s block or freak out at the thought of coming up with what to say. Where do you start?

Before you begin your wedding speech or toast preparation, write down some thoughts about the couple’s relationship, how they met, how you know them, their personalities, or general thoughts about marriage. Once you have some of these ideas down on paper you have a framework to work from.

Make Your Speech Personal

How do you know the bride and groom? How do you feel about them? Were you involved when the bride and groom met? Do you know details of the proposal? Do they have cute nicknames for each other? It makes sense for anybody giving a speech to make it personal. Guests are going to appreciate the love and connection that comes from doing that.

Add A Touch of Humor (but not too much)

We love wedding speeches with humor. It is great if you can add a few one-liners and make a joke or two. In saying that, the best speech balances funny with heartfelt. If it’s too sentimental, you’ll have guests falling asleep. If you’re doing a 10 minutes comedy routine, then you could offend people and you lost the meaning of the special occasion. It is about balance.

Thank Everyone Who Deserves a Thank You

Thank the relevant people and make sure you’re specific where you can be. This takes some preparation, make sure you ask around to see who helped out with the wedding. And don’t forget the families of the bride and groom too, as well as members of the bridal party.

Write a Strong Speech Opener & Closer

You need to get people’s attention immediately. That means having a strong opener and a strong closer. Use a short Irish wedding toast, a cute saying or a funny quote. The idea is to give your best wishes, sum up the spirit of marriage or to give a toast.

The Ideal Speech Length

There are going to be a bunch of wedding speeches. Don’t bore people with a long speech. Save the long or potentially embarrassing stories for the bachelor or bachelorette party. Be brief and memorable.

Practice Your Speech Before The Big Day!

Practice and preparation makes perfect. Make eye contact and speak to all the guests. You can’t do that while looking down at a piece of paper or just going off the cuff. That means you need to prepare and have something written down and rehearsed. Practice, practice, practice. Stand in front of the mirror and rehearse till you are comfortable and confident. Practice until you look good, until you can watch yourself in the mirror – and ultimately look at the audience – while speaking.

A Few Things Not To Include in Your Speech

The rules here are quite simple. First things first, it’s never funny to make racist jokes or comments about any of the families’ cultures or traditions. Leave out all profanities or jokes that are on the obscene or offensive lines.

Poke fun at the groom but don’t cross the line and hurt anyone’s feelings. Leave out stories of drunken nights or exes. Steer away from any sexual innuendos as well. Use your common sense.

You want to walk away with the bride and groom feeling good, not humiliated.

The Groom’s Speech

The groom’s wedding speech is a big deal. Everybody wants to know what the groom has to say. In his speech, a groom will toast the bridesmaids and thank them for a job well done and will thank his groom’s party for their support throughout.

The groom’s speech also includes a special thank you to his parents and maybe even include some special memories of them. He’ll need to thank the bride’s parents and thank guests for coming and giving gifts. Finally, the groom has to show some love for his new wife, dedicating a portion of his speech to her.

The high-level pointers for the groom speech are:

Keep it lighthearted and add (some) humor
Remember to thank everyone
Focus on your wife
Pick out good quotes or one-liners to reference
Remain calm and contained

The Father of the Bride Speech

The Father of the Bride speech is one of the most anticipated moments of the entire evening. It can also be one of the most emotional. You can use this moment as an opener to the night’s festivities as well. Having the father of the bride welcome guests to the celebration and thanking them for all coming and showing their love.

The father of the bride may also talk more casually about his feelings and relationship daughter. It’ll also be nice to acknowledge the two families coming together as one. As you can see, there is some heavy lifting for great wedding speeches to happen, and for the father of the bride, in particular, there is a lot to cover in a short period of time.

The high-level pointers for the father of the bride speech are:

Stay loving and supportive
Add sentiment and humor too
Take time to reflect
Include your wishes for the couple’s future
Be confident

Read more about the father of the bride speech .

The Best Man Speech

The best man’s speech is always a highlight of the celebration as well. People expect to get a few laughs and see the groom nervously giggling as well. It’s important to throw out the appropriate thank you’s here as well, especially when it comes to the bridesmaids and fellow groomsman.

As such a close counterpart to the groom, you’ll also need to throw in some, well, throwbacks as well. It’s a great time to reminisce as well as talk a bit about the couple’s relationship and how it grew from an outsider’s perspective.

The high-level pointers for the best man speech are:

Humor is a must
Memorable stories of the groom
Memorable stories of the couple
Funny one-liners
Well wishes
Solid delivery

Maid of Honor Speech

The maid of honor’s speech isn’t expected to be witty and full of laughs, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go in for some great jokes! Add a bit of humor if that’s within your wheelhouse but also know that it’s a great time to boost the bride with lots of amazing words as well as share any sentimental stories you have of the newlyweds.

Just like the best man is to the groom, the maid of honor is the bride’s closest counterpart so a bit of warmth and love is definitely expected to show in the wedding speech. Memorable moments from your own relationship are also a welcomed addition to the toast.

The high-level pointers for the maid of honor speech are:

Be heartfelt
Boost the bride

Read more about the maid of honor speech .

What Makes a Great Toast?

Short & sweet, or long & heartfelt.

What makes a great toast isn’t necessarily the length or even the delivery – because a great toast comes in lots of different forms.

You can be a bit nervous and shaky and still pull out a beautiful, long and sentimental speech that tugs at everyone’s heartstrings and leaves a lasting impression on the bride and the groom. But something short and sweet can pack a mighty punch as well. It’s really about the prep and the content. Your hard work and heartfelt words will be noticed.

Great Example Toasts

What is the order of speeches at a wedding.

In the good old days, wedding speeches were simple. You had the Father of the Bride and the Best Man. Each would get up, give a quick toast and it was over. These days, we have lots of wedding speeches. Just about every person at the wedding gives a speech, so having some kind of order of wedding speeches not only makes sense, but has some wedding etiquette to it too.

The wedding speech order can vary and nothing is set in stone, but as a couple you must remember that the key goal of this part of the wedding is to ensure guests are enjoy themselves and that everybody gets to hear what is said. Broadly, that means speeches happen towards the end of the meal.

If you take the standard order of wedding speeches, the Best Man will give his speech or toast first. He will toast the bride and groom and is, generally, the MC for the night. After the Best Man speech the groom will respond, toast his new bride, and thank the parents and so on. The Father of the Bride gives his speech last.

We mentioned early on that lots of people give speeches, so in the spirit of being thorough, here is the definitive long-list of wedding speeches order that you should keep in mind:

Best Man give his speech
Maid (or Matron) of Honor gives her speech
Father of the Bride gives his speech
Parents of the Groom give their speech
Groom gives his speech
Bride gives her speech
Any other Guests of Honor give their speeches

45 Short, Funny Wedding Toasts & One Liners

There won't be a dry eye in the room from all that belly laughing once you start landing a few of these hilarious wedding toasts

Tash Busta Photography

Got funny bones and need to brighten up the end of a wedding speech? F unny wedding toasts are the perfect way to get a giggle at the end of a speech or reading, and we've got all the best ideas here for you.

Whether you're giving a best man speech , a groom's speech or you're a parent of one of the newlyweds, most people who give a wedding speech will end with some form of toast - so why not make it a funny one? You're going to need some pretty hilarious one liners to guarantee belly laughs, and that's where we come in.

Parents and friends of the couple will generally toast to the happy couple - and brides or grooms giving toasts will often toast to their partner. Whether you’re giving a speech on your own wedding day or the happy couple have asked you to say a few words, you’ll want to round things off with some wedding toast humour.

45 Funny Toasts & Toast Jokes for Your wedding Speech

No matter what role you're playing in the wedding party (if any!), as these short funny wedding toasts are all easily adaptable and will all get a good laugh from the guests. Read on for the best funny wedding toasts and and toast jokes to add to the end of your speech.

In a hurry? Skip to the section you need and find the perfect funny wedding toast below.

Funny Wedding Toasts and One Liners
Funny Marriage Toast Examples

Short, Funny Wedding Toasts to End a Speech

Funny Wedding Toasts and One Liners

To ensure your funny wedding toast packs a punch, you want to keep it short, snappy and most importantly...funny!

1. "Before you marry a person, you should first watch them use a computer with slow internet - that'll show you who they really are."

2. "All you need is love...but a takeaway now and then doesn't hurt!"

3. "My advice? Don't ever laugh at your partner's choices, because you were one of them!"

4. "You were married by a judge - you should have asked for a jury."

5. "Marry someone your own age because as your beauty fades, so will their eyesight."

6. "Marry an archaeologist - the older you get, the more interested they become in you."

7. "There's only one way to have a happy marriage...and as soon as I learn it, I'll get married again."

8. "As Dr Seuss once said, 'We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness and call it love'."

9. "Saying 'I do' at your wedding is like clicking the 'Accept' button any time something pops up on your computer screen. You just do it despite having no clue what it actually means."

10. "You know you're killing it at the whole marriage malarkey when you ask your partner to pass you 'the thingymajig' and they know exactly what you mean."

11. "We're gathered here today to honour something that is so truly magical, special and wonderful. Of course I am talking about that cake !"

12. "True love does not come from finding the perfect person, luckily for you guys."

13. "I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

14. "May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom."

15. "Congratulations on the termination of your isolation, and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population."

16. "Here’s to you and here’s to me, I hope we never disagree. But if, perchance, we ever do, then here’s to me, to hell with you."

17. "May our children be blessed with rich parents, and my looks!"

Hitched Tip: When ending with a one-liner, you want to make sure the delivery is sharp and the comedic timing is spot on. Ensure it's the last thing you say in your wedding toast to ensure you end on a hilarious high.

Funny Marriage Advice for Wedding Toasts

What's a funny wedding toast without some funny marriage advice for the newlyweds, hey? These marriage toast examples are perfect to be used by friends or family of the newlyweds, offering a bit of loving advice from you, to them.

18. "I have one final piece of advice for you two lovebirds: never stop laughing, even when the jokes are lame."

19. "To the happy couple. May you share everything in life, especially the housework."

20. "May neither of you ever lie, cheat or drink. But if you must lie, lie with each other. If you must cheat, cheat death, and if you must drink, drink with us. Cheers to the newlyweds!"

21. "May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."

22. "The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret."

23. "Getting married is easy! Sundays in Ikea are when it starts getting really tough."

24. "Marriage is a wonderful thing entered by two people. One who can't sleep with the window shut, and the other who can't sleep with it open."

25. "Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park"

26. "Marriage is not just an emotional connection, it's also about remembering to take the bins out."

27. "To keep a marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, when you are wrong, admit it, and when you are right, shut up!"

28. "[Insert name] was incomplete before he/she got married. Now they're married, they're finished."

29. "Love is blind, but marriage, marriage is the eye opener."

30. "Now for some advice from me. The secret to my happy marriage is dinner twice a week. My partner goes on Tuesdays and I go on Thursdays."

31. "In the words of the great Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf."

32. "And now for my final words of advice, if at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way [insert partner's name] told you to do it."

33. "Love is like toothache - it doesn't show up on an X-Ray, but you know it's definitely there..."

Hitched Tip: To make these marriage toast examples more personal, try adding in something relevant to the couple. For example, the Sundays in Ikea toast could be made more bespoke by replacing the word 'Ikea' with their favourite shop - maybe they're Home Bargains fans or love a bit of Lidl?

If you're wondering how to end a speech, these funny wedding toasts and one liners are bound to help. Remember to introduce the next person as well if someone is speaking after you!

34. "Time to raise our glasses to the happy couple because I like both of you - do you have any idea how rare that is?"

35. "Before I finish, I’d like you to turn to face each other. You’re now looking into the eyes of the person who is statistically most likely to murder you. To the happy couple!"

36. "Now let's toast to the two secrets to a happy marriage. Humour and short-term memory."

37. "Before we raise a glass to the newlyweds, I’d like to share a Pauline Thomason quote with you: ‘Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.’ To the happy couple!"

38. "To marriage - the only war where, once a month, you sleep with the enemy."

39. "For one more time, I’m going to ask everyone to charge their glasses and – for those who still can – stand, and raise a glass to the newlyweds."

40. "Raise your glasses and join me in congratulating you the happy couple on the huge mound of debt they've just acquired from throwing this wedding!"

41. "May you raise your glasses to marriage and the sacred bond between two people, and let me be clear…I said ‘sacred’, not ‘scared’."

42. "To love, laughter, happily ever after - and to these two beauties who paid for the free bar!"

43. "So finally, a toast to the happy couple. Thank you for buying us all dinner today, so kind of you."

44. "I'll end this toast with my best advice - never go to bed mad. Instead, stay up and fight it out."

45. "Raise a glass to the happy couple. May your marriage be as strong as the drinks in your hand. Cheers!"

Hitched Tip: Remember to introduce the next person as well if someone is speaking after you! Give the guests enough time to giggle at your toast joke and then introduce whoever is following you, unless you're the last to go.

If you like these funny quotes, you’ll love our favourite funny wedding readings and these totally inappropriate (but hilarious) wedding songs .

How to Write a Wedding Speech

Last Updated: March 19, 2024 Fact Checked

This article was co-authored by Jenny Yi . Jenny Yi is the Founder of Chloe+Mint, an award-winning full service event planning company that specializes in wedding planning, design and floral design. Jenny has been in the industry for over 5 years, and also works closely with notable brands and celebrities on branding and events. There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 602,289 times.

For most people, their wedding day will be among the most important days of their lives. As such, it is customary for a close friend or loved one to deliver a speech congratulating the newlyweds on their union. This can be a nerve-wracking prospect if you’re the one called upon to give a speech in front of a big, expectant crowd. As the speechwriter, it will pay off to make sure that you’re organized, keep it concise and practice extensively beforehand.

Things You Should Know

Professional wedding planner Jenny Yi says the wedding speech should be “impactful, short, and sweet.” Explain how you know the bride and groom, share a quick backstory on how they met, then wish them well as a couple.

Sample Speeches

Writing a Meaningful Speech

The best man and maid of honor are usually each asked to make a short speech on behalf of the wedding party. After that, the microphone is sometimes turned over to whoever would like to say a few words.
Saying your name and briefly summarizing your history with the bride or groom will be enough. Don’t talk about yourself too much. Remember, the focus of your speech is the married couple.

Use jokes judiciously to break the initial tension and keep the crowd relaxed. Try not to let your speech turn into a stand up comedy routine.
Keep your humorous stories and remarks appropriate. There will be people of all ages in your audience, including children.
Funny stories might include a funny story about the bride and groom's meeting, or an anecdote about one of them as a child.

Step 3 Share memories of the bride and groom.

Sharing unique memories or stories is much more effective than simply complimenting the bride or groom because it is a more personal touch.

Step 4 Offer advice or well-wishes for the future.

If you decide to use a quote for this segment of the speech, make sure it is short, relevant and not a cliche.

Acknowledging the people who helped make the wedding festivities possible will make you appear humble, as well as making them feel appreciated.
Express your gratitude in a couple sentences. There’s no need to go on and on thanking every person individually by name.

Making Sure You're Prepared

Step 1 Write the speech well in advance.

Treat your speech like you would a school assignment. Compose several drafts, check it for errors and have a friend proofread it to make sure it sounds good.

Step 2 Know when you’re expect to deliver the speech.

Familiarize yourself with the order of presentation if multiple speeches are to be given.
Don’t spend the entire ceremony fretting over your speech. If you’re sufficiently prepared, you won’t need to give it a second thought until it’s time for you to deliver it.

Know your speech word for word, but try not to sound like you’re simply reciting it from memory. Pace yourself and give every passage emphasis, emotion and clarity.

Put your entire speech on a couple note cards rather than a several large sheets of paper. Not only will this look better, it will help you keep your speech at the appropriate length.
Only look at your notes if you draw a blank or forget the next part. This will allow you to keep your eyes up and engage your audience. Even the most riveting speech will be a bore if the person giving it is reading off a note card the whole time.

Giving the Speech

Take a few slow, deep breaths. Think about what you’re saying and shut out all other distractions. Imagine that you’re giving your speech to one person instead of a room full of people.
Have a drink or two if it helps your nerves. Just don’t have too many—you want to be focused and clear-headed when it’s time for you to take the floor.

It’s perfectly okay to give a short speech. Simply say a few kind words, raise a toast and hand back the microphone.
Speak slowly and deliberately. It’s easy to start chattering too fast when you’re nervous. By talking slower than you feel like you need to, you’ll probably be going at just the right speed.
People who are underprepared or extremely anxious tend to talk aimlessly. Avoid this by sticking to what you’ve written and look to the crowd for cues about when their attention is evaporating.

Take a moment to speak to the bride and/or groom directly.
It’s normal to get a little choked up! As long as you can finish your speech, there’s no need to worry. It may even be flattering, as it will show the people you’re talking about how much you truly care.

It’s customary for the best man or groomsmen to toast the bride, and the maid of honor to toast the groom.

Expert Q&A

Keep quotes to a minimum, as other people's words can distract from what you're trying to say yourself. Thanks Helpful 2 Not Helpful 1
If you're stumped on how your speech should flow, approach it the way you would a story: give it a beginning, middle and end. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 1
Ask an honest, objective friend to give you feedback on your speech after you've finished writing it. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

Never use a premade template you find on the internet to write a wedding speech. Your speech should be a product of your own unique thoughts, feelings and experiences. Thanks Helpful 6 Not Helpful 1
Don't drink too much before delivering your speech. Thanks Helpful 5 Not Helpful 1
Leave out especially embarrassing or offensive anecdotes. These are usually considered bad form. You're supposed to be honoring the married couple, not getting a laugh at their expense. Thanks Helpful 6 Not Helpful 3

↑ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2110745/Lost-words-Top-tips-write-winning-wedding-speech-deliver-like-pro.html
↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-toasting-tips-for-the-maid-of-honor
↑ https://www.presentationmagazine.com/the-structure-and-etiquette-of-wedding-speeches-1041.htm
↑ http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/07/22/how-to-write-deliver-good-best-man-speech/
↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-toasting-tips-for-the-maid-of-honor/
↑ https://finley-h.schools.nsw.gov.au/content/dam/doe/sws/schools/f/finley-h/localcontent/how_to_write_a_speech.pdf
↑ https://mediacenter.toastmasters.org/2014-07-01-10-Tips-for-the-Perfect-Wedding-Toast

About This Article

To write a wedding speech, start by introducing yourself and explaining how you know the bride and groom. Then, share some fond memories, like stories from when you were kids or how you met. Next, offer well-wishes to the bride and groom, such as wishing them health, happiness, and prosperity. Alternatively, try opening with a joke or funny anecdote, but make sure that your remarks are appropriate for everyone in attendance. Finally, briefly thank everyone for coming and for making the celebration possible. For tips on how to memorize your speech so that it doesn’t sound rehearsed, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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50 Funny Marriage Quotes That Are Just the Right Amount of Cheeky

Couple laughs at a funny marriage quote.

Jamie is a Senior Editor for The Knot where she oversees all sex and relationship editorial content.
Before joining The Knot Worldwide, she worked with an array of digital publications that include Brides, The Zoe Report, Bustle and MyDomaine.
Jamie graduated with a degree in English and Media, Culture & Communications from New York University.

There's so much joy that accompanies marrying the person you laugh the most with in life. And while there are plenty of weighty, thoughtful bits of marriage advice out there to reference, rest assured that there are also funny marriage quotes and funny marriage advice, too, that actually captures the levity and elation that comes with "I do."

After all, let's be real: A happy marriage is usually far from perfect, and married life (hello, spending every waking minute with the same person and somehow still loving them!) is often riddled with hilarious moments. Below, we've collected the pieces of funny marriage advice and funny wedding quotes that just get that.

From relatable jokes from famous folks to humorous dialogue from your favorite rom-coms , these funny marriage quotes are ideal for:

Wedding toasts (think: cheeky best man and bridesmaid toasts !)

Wedding signage (such as neon signs and large escort card displays)

Wedding vows (as long as both partners agree to being humorous during the ceremony)

Cards for couples or for your partner

Bachelor or bachelorette decor

Texting your partner after a long day

Being able to find laughter when the waters get rough can help your relationship stay afloat, too—so you may find yourself referencing the funny marriage advice and funny wedding quotes below throughout your partnership.

Read on for 50 funny marriage quotes and nuggets of witty advice.

Funny Wedding and Marriage Quotes From Movies, Books and Television

1. "The best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are: good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." — Juno

2. "The first draft of my vows, which I wrote the day after we got engaged, clocked in at around 70 pages." — Parks and Recreation

3 . "Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up, she's there. You come back from work, she's there. You fall asleep, she's there. You eat dinner, she's there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing, but it's not." — Everybody Loves Raymond

4. A wedding marks the first day of the rest of your life. You have been dead until now. Were you aware of that? You're dead right now. — Bride Wars

5. If you're thinking of getting married, you might as well learn right now that you have to let women be women." — Hello, Dolly!

6. "She's your lobster. C'mon you guys. It's a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life. You can actually see old lobster couples, walking around their tank, you know, holding claws" — Friends

7. Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid, you don't deserve to be in love. — A Lot Like Love

8. You know your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up. Yeah and you looks are kind of pretty. When your face isn't screwing it up. — The Goonies

9. "I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure that I'm arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone." —J.R.R. Tolkien, T he Hobbit

10. "Remember, we're madly in love, so it's alright to kiss me anytime you feel like it." —Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

11. "I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night." — When Harry Met Sally

12. "Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as 'the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.' Well, you know something? I think you guys are two medals. Gold medals." — The Office

13. "But the thing is this, after a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh." — Sex and the City

14. I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is. — Forrest Gump

15. When you love someone as much as I love you, getting married is the only thing left to do. So, will you, um, marry me? — Definitely, Maybe

16. If you're ever with a girl that's too good for you, marry her. — Valentine's Day

Funny Quotes About Marriage From Notable Figures

1. "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." —Rita Rudner

2. "Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing." —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

3. "I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored." —Cameron Esposito

4. "Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one." —Mae West

5. "We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness–and call it love–true love." —Robert Fulghum

6. "A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." —André Maurois

7. "Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." —Ogden Nash

8. "My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me." —Winston Churchill

9. "Love is blind; marriage is the eye-opener." —Pauline Thomason

10. "Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you." —Chip Gaines

11. "The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him." —Cher

12. "I can't make you love me, but I can fill my pantry with your favorite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75." —Rob Delaney

13. "Love is a two-way street constantly under construction." —Carroll Bryant

14. "Michelle's like Beyoncé in that song, 'Let me upgrade ya!' She upgraded me."—Barack Obama

15. "I'm married to a very unusual person, but maybe it took a very unusual person to be willing to marry me." —Fiona Shaw

16. "There are a hundred paths through the world that are easier than loving. But who wants easier?" —Mary Oliver

17. "Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family." —Chelsea Handler

18. "If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." —Fran Lebowitz

19. "Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there." —George Burns

20. "A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores." —Terry Pratchett

Funny Marriage Advice From Notable Figures

1. "The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg

2. "To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up." —Ogden Nash

3. "For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." —Catherine Zeta-Jones

4. "Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit." —Billy Connolly

5. "Marriage is not just spiritual communion. It is also remembering to take out the trash." —Dr. Joyce Brothers

6. "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times—always with the same person." —Mignon McLaughlin

7. "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." —Benjamin Franklin

8. "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." —Anne Bancroft

9. "Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid [their] problems sound to you." —Megan Mullally

10. "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are." —Will Ferrell

11. "Make sure you have date night even if it's once in a blue moon because most of the time you're just too tired and you'd actually prefer to sleep." —Chris Hemsworth

12. "Marriage is like a graph: It has its ups and downs and as long as things bounce back up again, you've got a good marriage. If it heads straight down, then you've got some problems!" —Julie Andrews

13. " I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun."―Mindy Kaling

14. "A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked." —LeAnn Rimes

Contributions by Lauren Rodrigue

Collage of couples exchanging emotional vows with flowers and books

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COMMENTS

38 Funny Wedding Toasts to Literally Make Your Guests LOL
Funny Wedding Toast Quotes from Famous People. Sometimes celebrities can have wise words to provide the masses. Use one of these famous quotes for your funny wedding toast. 31. "The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." - Henny Youngman (British-American comedian) 32.
Funny Wedding Speeches: Examples And Tips
How to Write a Funny Wedding Speech. It can seem daunting, but it's worth spending the time and effort to make your wedding speech both heartfelt and funny. With the professional guidance of Marc Blakewill, an expert in crafting wedding speeches, you can navigate this with ease. Follow Marc's detailed instructions, and you'll confidently ...
36 Funny Wedding Toasts and Speech Quotes
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." — Henry Kissinger. "To keep your marriage brimming with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up ...
How to Write a Funny Speech for a Wedding: Tips and Tricks
The key is to keep the humour affectionate and loving. Of course, you should have a proper heartfelt tribute towards the end of your speech but feel free to have a laugh along the way. Step 2. Ask Lots of Questions. The first thing we do when working with clients is ask them lots of questions.
Funny Wedding Speech Examples
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."—Socrates. "Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy."-Henry Kissinger. "The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."-Henry Youngman. "I'm so glad we all had a night to rehearse getting drunk for the wedding ...
How to Write a Funny Wedding Speech
Insulting someone who's there, even if it's all in good fun, will make people uncomfortable when they're supposed to be celebrating. End on a high note. Even if your speech is 99 percent funny, you'll want to end it on a sentimental note. Wish the couple well, express your love for them and then raise your glass.
How to Write a Funny Wedding Speech
A funny wedding speech is a speech given during a wedding reception with the intention of making the guests laugh. To make your wedding speech funny, you can include jokes, anecdotes about the newlyweds, funny quotes or poems, or even use light-hearted teasing. Remember, any teasing should always be in good faith and with the express permission ...
Anatomy of a Good Wedding Speech Joke: How to Make it Funny
Don't Go Overboard. If you must take alcohol to ease your nerves, keep the drinking minimal until after your funny wedding speech. Alcohol affects your impulses, and that can make you go overboard with your questions or ramble on uncontrollably. If you decide to tease the couple, keep it light, harmless, and brief.
How to Write a Wedding Speech: Your Easy Step-by-Step Guide
End with a toast. Cap off your speech on a fun and sentimental note by ending with an actual toast. Dalo recommends this foolproof example: "Please join me in raising a glass to the happy couple. Cheers to X and Y, and best wishes for a lifetime of laughter!" Afterward, go in for a hug with the couple, making for the perfect photo op!
Wedding Speeches: How To Write, Free Samples + Etiquette Tips
Day 1 was a bit rough, but hey, they're over it now. I would also like to thank them for having such a beautiful, intelligent, kind, and caring daughter. I hope to do you both proud and thank you both for everything you have done today and to make today happen.". The groom's wedding speech starts at the reception.
9 Tips for How to Write a Funny Wedding Speech
Tip #2: Rely on Funny Stories. The best way to show humor through a wedding speech is to tell a funny story. This way you don't have to worry about quick-witted one-liners or risk sounding cheesy. Plus, truly impactful wedding speeches include great storytelling. So consider telling one to three short stories and focus on light-hearted ones.
How To Write A Funny Wedding Speech Everyone Will Love
The father of the bride's speech should be similar to the best man's speech, but it should take on something of a paternal tone. Acknowledgments are really important. Thank people by name (if, for example, some relative flew in from the ends of the Earth to attend the wedding) Acknowledge family members who passed on.
How to Write Your Bride Speech With Examples & Tips
Thank Your Guests. The first step when it comes to how to write a killer bride speech: thank your favorite people! The room is filled with loved ones who put in the time, money and effort to support you on your special day, so the first words you say should be a big, heartfelt "thank you." 2. Shout-Out Your VIPs.
Wedding Toast Examples, Tips, and Advice
While everyone's speech will be unique to them and their relationship with the couple, we put together a general outline to help you get started. Congratulate the couple. Express how happy you are ...
How to Write a Wedding Speech: Examples, Tips, and Advice
Father of the Bride Wedding Speech Example. "Good evening, family, and friends. I'm Daniel Lee, the father of the bride. I'd like to welcome you to this special occasion where we get to ...
25 Funny Opening Lines for Wedding Speeches
Wedding speeches are an important part of any wedding celebration. They provide an opportunity for the couple to thank their family and friends and express their love for one another. But, it can be difficult to come up with the perfect opening line for your speech. Never fear! We've compiled a list of 25 funny openi
Funny Wedding Ceremony Script Samples For Your Wedding
Ring Exchange Wording Funny Samples. "I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to be with you. And in your face for as long as I live.". "I give you this ring as a symbol of my love for you. Let it be a reminder that I am always by your side, sharing your stuff.
How To Make Your Wedding Speech Funny
Start early with the humour. 'As soon as you make your guests laugh, they'll feel in safe hands', says Heidi. 'Try to get some humour into your first few opening lines of your speech and you'll be able to relax into the rest of the speech quicker'. Make sure you punctuate the rest of your speech with comedic lines too.
How to Give A Pitch-Perfect Wedding Speech
To start, think about what resonates with you and the couple. Choose a quote that mirrors their relationship or adds a layer of intimacy to your speech that generic advice can't match. If the couple bonded over "The Lord of the Rings," slip in something from Tolkien that speaks to companionship on great journeys.
Ultimate Guide to Writing & Delivering a Great Wedding Speech or Toast
Giving a wedding speech or toast can be nerve racking. It doesn't have to be though. Just follow some basic rules and do some prep work to ease the stress. ... speeches with humor. It is great if you can add a few one-liners and make a joke or two. In saying that, the best speech balances funny with heartfelt. If it's too sentimental, you ...
45 Funny Toasts & One Liners to End Your Wedding Speech
Of course I am talking about that cake !" 12. "True love does not come from finding the perfect person, luckily for you guys." 13. "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." 14. "May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom." 15.
How to Write a Wedding Speech: 13 Steps (with Pictures)
Remember, the focus of your speech is the married couple. 2. Open with a joke. Start by telling a joke or recalling a humorous anecdote to loosen up the crowd (and yourself. Humor is very disarming, so getting everyone laughing right off the bat can help dispel some of the nerves of giving a speech.
Spicing Up the I Do's: A Hilarious Wedding Officiant Script
3. Acknowledge the families and guests: - Recognize the presence of the couple's families and guests, expressing gratitude for their support. 4. Share the couple's story: - If appropriate, briefly share the couple's love story, highlighting important moments or milestones that led them to this day.
50 Funny Marriage Quotes That Will Have You Laughing Out Loud
1. "The secret to a good marriage is to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg. 2. "To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up." —Ogden Nash. 3. "For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end."