memorial day means to me essay

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What Memorial Day Means to Me: A Time of Reflection and Remembrance

Table of contents, reflecting on sacrifice, honoring the fallen, preserving history, fostering gratitude and humility, passing on the legacy, conclusion: a day of reflection and commitment.

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• Chinese Culture
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• Acculturation
• Western Civilization

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What does Memorial Day really mean to those who served?

We want to hear from you.

By Haley Britzky | Published May 18, 2021 12:21 PM EDT

• Military Life

Memorial Day means something different to everyone depending on who you ask.

For the kids in your neighborhood, it likely marks the beginning of summer and the opening of the community pools. For others, it means a long weekend and an opportunity to gather with friends and family — which for many has been a long time coming, as the nation recovers from the novel coronavirus (COVID-19) which has kept families apart for over a year. Some see it more as a day for deals on consumer items as the holiday has gradually become more and more commercialized.

But for many, Memorial Day is an opportunity to remember friends who paid the ultimate price and are no longer with us. Some approach the day seriously and with a somber spirit; others may choose to remember their loved ones by gathering around a grill and raising a cold one in their honor. Many will do both.

The holiday started after the Civil War, according to the Department of Veteran Affairs , when Army Maj. Gen. John A. Logan, a leader of a Union veterans organization, called for May 30 to be known as “Decoration Day,” saying it was “a time for the nation to decorate the graves of the war dead with flowers.” There are also reports of the tradition starting in the South when women decorated not only the graves of Confederate soldiers but the graves of Union soldiers as well.  

Related: John Chapman’s Medal Of Honor heroics in Afghanistan

Logan suggested that the graves of the war dead be guarded “with sacred vigilance … Let no neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic.” 

After World War I, the day was “expanded to honor those who have died in all American wars,” the VA said, and was declared a national holiday by Congress in 1971 to be celebrated on the last Monday in May. Then in 2000, “The National Moment of Remembrance Act” was signed into law, encouraging Americans everywhere to pause at 3 p.m. local time “for a minute of silence to remember and honor those who have died in service to the nation,” according to the VA. 

Marine Corps veteran Carl Forsling made the argument in 2018 that the “best way to think of Memorial Day is not as a national military funeral, but as a national wake. We’ve already shed our tears for fallen comrades. There’s nothing wrong with shedding a few more, especially for the recently departed, but a better way to cherish their memories is to spend a moment reflecting on all the good things their sacrifices enabled the rest of us to enjoy.”

But how do you spend Memorial Day? Is there someone specific you’re keeping in mind this year, who you’d like to share a story about? Do you have an annual tradition that you’ll take part in to mark the day? Tell us in the comments below what this holiday means to you, your family, and your friends. 

Haley Britzky was the Task & Purpose Army reporter from 2019 to 2022. She previously worked at Axios covering breaking news. She reports on important developments within the service, from new uniforms to new policies; the realities of military life facing soldiers and their families; and broader cultural issues that expand outside of the Army, touching each of the military services.  Contact the author here.

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Writing Prompt: What Does Memorial Day Mean to You?

by Monica M. Clark | 25 comments

Happy Memorial Day!

I think it’s fair to say Memorial Day serves two roles in American culture: the intended one and the unintended one.

Memorial Day is an American holiday celebrated on the last Monday in May.

Its intended purpose (which, as the Washington Post pointed out, is not the same as Veterans Day ) is to honor those who died in service to their country.

Its unintended role is to notify the world that Summer. Is. Here.

What Does Memorial Day Mean to You?

Personally, Memorial Day reminds me of a place called Sag Harbor, a little town in Long Island where my family and I went every summer.

These days, I only get a chance to go back on the three-day summer holidays, but when I do I’m full of nostalgia. The smell of the cut grass, the quiet bay—it all brings me back to those summers where my parents let my brother and me go off on our own, giving me my first real taste of autonomy.

What makes Memorial Day special to you?   Let us know in the comments .

Take fifteen minutes to work on one of these writing prompts:

Tell us about a person you honor on Memorial Day.

Imagine a U.S. without a military. Now write about it.

Write a scene from your memoir about a typical Memorial Day weekend.

Share your practice in the comments below. And if you share, don't forget to leave feedback for your fellow writers!

Monica M. Clark

Monica is a lawyer trying to knock out her first novel. She lives in D.C. but is still a New Yorker. You can follow her on her blog or on Twitter (@monicamclark).

25 Comments

For me memorial day has no meaning. I am from a country without memorial day. The largest war-related holiday here is the day that Dachau was liberated. We do not think of those who does in war, we think of those that died from cruelty of men. There should be no day to remember the dead, there should be a day to remember the care.

Because I have too little experience with the USA I cannot answer the second and third questions.

Posted this on my blog over the weekend, so sharing it here. ☺

While the origins of Memorial Day continue to be mired in controversy and folklore, and despite a presidential proclamation fifty years ago recognizing a certain U.S. as the ‘birthplace’ of Memorial Day, more than two dozen U.S. cities still claim to be the source of the holiday, the intent of the day remains the same – to honor the war dead, the men and women who gave their lives in service to this country.

Many lose sight of that sometimes, especially if they have no direct connection to the military, i.e. related to, married to, or knows someone in the military, active or inactive. For those people, if they’re fortunate, it’s a day off, giving them a three-day weekend to enjoy.

But for some of us, it’s a time of remembrance, reflection and gratitude. Wreathes and flowers will be left on grave sites, photo albums will be shared and stories told…once again, and younger family members will hear about the family hero they never had the chance to meet.

Presidential administrations, politicians…and their pundits, will come and go, but what stands the test of time are the rights and freedoms we enjoy as citizens of this country. Some may look to, and credit the ‘founding fathers’, but nothing in the Constitution was agreed upon with a handshake. Battles were fought, lives were lost. Those who met the enemy on the battlefield were not there for political favor or financial gain. They fought for their way of life and the right to keep it. With this country’s history, brother may have very well found himself facing off against his brother.

These beliefs are strong and they are what lead many to answer the call. No one enlists in the military because of their political affiliation, their stance on reproductive rights, or their religious beliefs. They take the oath to uphold the Constitution and defend this country from enemies, foreign and domestic, to ensure that the right to choose, or not choose, these things, and so many more remain in place. And, they do so knowing in some cases, it could mean making the ultimate sacrifice.

The rights we take for granted and debate and argue about over social media and the freedoms we enjoy while living our lives as we choose, came with a price. And it’s time to remember those who paid that price.

On Monday while you’re manning the grill, having family time, reading a book, or maybe even heading to work, take a moment to truly reflect on the significance of Memorial Day…and say, “Thank you.”

This is really great perspective on Memorial Day. Thanks for posting this.

There is nothing happy about Memorial Day in our house. We’ve skipped the drive to the cemetery the past few years, finding no comfort in that cold earth marked by a colder piece of stone, engraved with my stepson’s name: Sergeant Sean Michael Lagrand, USMC. July 13, 1981 – September 25, 2006.

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for being so honest.

Thank you for your kind words, Monica.

My deepest condolences for the loss of your stepson…

Thank you Sergeant Lagrand.

I understand, Sheila.

I do not honor a person specifically on Memorial Day. My brother served as Special Forces but was fortunate enough to make it back home. In general I do my best to be mindful and respectful to all who have served and lost loved ones on this day. I just happen to watch “13 Hours” last night, the movie about Benghazi, and was reminded that despite conspiracy, political bureaucracy in Washington, lies or truth, or rather you are for or against war, men and women serve and die for the United States. For that I am extremely grateful.

I just imagine enslavement. The leading, or one of the leading, countries in the world could simply not be without a military. Although I am not Pro War, nor would I consider myself a pacifist, I am thankful for the military and the purpose I serve. One can be for the military and experience the pain that war brings and one against war will eventually experience the pain of outside evil forces invading in whatever way that may look like. A United States without a military to me is the picture of a place where one is free to do only what he is told to do. Where one cannot speak out and debate. Where one can not pray or worship in anyway he sees fit to do. A place where citizens cannot arm themselves and protect their families or choose what school and career to pursue.

My family and I have never celebrated memorial day with vacations or anything special. As I write this, I sit in my office and work because work always needs to be done.

Memorial Day should be a day of reflection and of giving thanks for the men and women who have come before us to make this world a better place. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always had a lot of respect for those men and women who’ve served our country. These courageous men and women in the service have had to give of their light, life and love in order for us to enjoy our freedom and the life we live. They deserve our respect and to be honore on this special day.

I agree with that completely.

Taps, In Memoriam

by Gary G. Little Major (ret), U. S. Army Signal Corps

The guard of honor stand at attention, five soldiers in dress blues. Five soldiers, white gloved hands pressed to gold striped seams on dark blue trousers wait at the base of the pole, the final rays of a setting sun changing from white to red, as the sun disappears behind the western hills. The trumpeter carries her instrument beneath her left arm, hand securing it, she waits for the fading light of day.

The flag whips and snaps, overwatch for the legions of the departed, protecting this garden of stone, this place of rest for those who served and have fallen. The first notes of Retreat sound, not played by the trumpeter; hers is another task.

The command is given, “Present … arms!” Four white gloved palms snap to cap brims, fingers together, thumbs to the side, palms angled in. The fifth guard steps forward and pulleys creak as the flag is lowered, not with speed, but with regret, as Retreat continues to echo over the hills that surround this garden.

“Order … arms!” Four white gloved hands descend with slow deliberate respect, back to that gold stripe seam. Two members of the guard step forward to gather the waving flag, ever resisting, ever fighting for its freedom, not wanting to be removed from its flight.

The trumpeter remains at attention, awaiting the final rays of the setting sun.

The final notes of Retreat sound and the flag is gathered, and stretched taut, white gloved hands grip and hold tight each corner. At a command unspoken, it is folded, once, and then again.Thirteen folds, each fold has meaning for the many blossoms in this stone garden. The final fold, three corners with stars presented in a field of blue. The flag rests for the night.

The trumpeter now takes the stage, as the last light fades from the darkening sky. Bright and clear the first three notes are played.

Day is done,

The hills echo the notes back and the next three notes mix with the first

Gone the sun,

A rush of notes as the fallen are gathered, collected, and always remembered

From the lake,

From the hill,

From the sky.

The final cry and the trumpet brings peace to the legions resting in this garden of stone.

All is well,

Safely rest,

God is nigh

Memorial Day and Grandpa

I get the joy of interacting with my aging father in law. I like to call him grandpa. He is quiet, kind, and cryptic.

He calls me around the Saturday before Memorial Day every year. I can see him through the phone. His denim overalls, blue chambray shirt, John Deere cap, and head laid back against the recliner as he yells into the phone in his flimsy voice, “Trudi!! What’ll I put on Pauline’s grave this year?”

“I will drop by Walmart on my way home and get a wreath.”

“I will get a wreath at Walmart, I shout.”

The first time I got a wreath for Pauline’s grave, I gave it to him. Several days after Memorial Day, when it was still in his house, I decided to take it and put it on the grave myself. As I was placing the prongs of flowered Styrofoam into the ground beside the ebony tombstone, I remembered Pauline’s last birthday. Grandpa called me and asked me to get her a gift. After proudly purchasing a pair of navy blue stretch pants, with elastic waist, and a floral button up to match, I put it in a gift bag and gave it to him. A couple of months later, and after Pauline had passed away, I noticed the gift in the back seat of his pick-up. I pulled the tissue out of the bag, and there were the clothes. Left behind. I pictured Pauline being raptured right out of them.

Aah-ha. I did the math, and now when he asks me to do anything for him, I take it clear to the finish line.

I invited him over for dinner tonight. I am making potato salad. He will compliment me on it. I like that. He won’t say much, but we’ll enjoy each other’s presence.

The person I remember first on memorial day was a man I met during training prior to our Vietnam deployment. Both of us had been surprised to receive draft notices to serve in the military; both of us were assigned to the US Army. I was still a German citizen and thought myself safe from the draft; he was a third year Stanford student and thought he was safe. During initial testing and assessment both of us were selected to go to the Defense Language Institute and study Vietnamese. We could guess at a future assignment. After language school came training in psychological operations. The idea was we would meet the enemy, tell them (in Vietnamese) it was futile to resist, obtain their agreement to stop fighting, and we would all go home.

The training took about one year, then there was a one year Vietnam deployment followed by discharge and return to the civilian world. During training Paul and I became great friends due to our mutual interest in reading, both fiction and non-fiction; history, politics, and philosophy. Paul was far more educated than I; he liked to explain things, I liked to listen. On arrival in Vietnam, we were assigned to three man “Go” teams which accompanied combat teams. Once an engagement was fought to the point where the outcome was sure to be the destruction of the enemy, our job was to negotiate surrender and future of survivors. The three man teams sent one person to a rear, safe area each month for a one week break and to ferry resupply to the team.

Paul and I met during one of these breaks in the city of Nha Trang. Home of the 5th Special Forces Group, it didn’t get much safer than that. Relaxing in the rear meant beer; we drank constantly and, inevitably, we ran out. It was my turn to make the supply run; I could do so on foot, it was less than two kilometers away. As I was making my purchase, the rockets started coming in, sales were suspended, it was bunker time. The attacks never lasted long because we had counter battery artillery that dealt with attacks effectively and quickly. Emerging from my bunker I saw smoke rising from the direction of my unit. I returned to find Paul on the floor; most of his scalp had been removed by flying shrapnel. A newbie medic was trying to apply direct pressure and stop the bleeding from an open brain pan. Paul died.

Paul was brilliant. He could have been a writer, a professor, or a senior State Department official. The last one was his ambition. He came from an intellectual well-off family and probably could have avoided the draft; if not, he certainly had the clout to avoid Vietnam. He came from a family that “served.” He felt the obligation to also serve.

Did he die for his country? Most would say so. War in its implementation is not thinking about nationalism, patriotism, blah, blah,blah. It is about bunches of daily routines performed in a hostile environment that many of us did not choose to be in. In Vietnam we even had a category, reported weekly, of “those who died as a result of non-hostile action.”

Paul died for the beer. I retired. The US lost the war in Vietnam. What a waste. As a military retiree, the knee-jerk phrase I hate to hear on Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day (yes, I know the difference) is “Thank you for your service.” If we meet sometime, before you say that, ask “What did you do?” Then, I will tell you. Then, you will not thank me.

My good friends, hello! I don’t know much about memorial day so I’ll read your posts to find out more. Thanks for sharing your memories.

I think of memorial day as a day when both men and women gave up their lives for us and our country. But these days it’s as if the youth of today just don’t care. They seem to only care about their next fix or the newest video game. They forget about what these men and women have done for us, if not for them we would not be here. Men and women both black and white, gave up their lives for us and this country. What makes me mad is that you never see any black soldiers being remembered even though there where black men and women that gave up their lives for their country. Even though I never knew any of these people black or white, I still remember what they did for this country and the world. I remember what these men and women did for the world, and for us. I remember them all, and all I can say is thank you. From the bottom of my heart may you all rest in peace. Veronica Gilkes.

Memorial by Bruce Carroll

There’s hot dogs and bratwurst on the grill, but my mind is elsewhere. Dad is poking at the coals. making sparks shoot upwards. For a moment I wonder if it reminds him of the war.

The war. That is the one thing that stands between me and my father. That and Kim-Ly.

“Dad,” I begin awkwardly, not knowing what I will say, but knowing I must say something. “Can’t you invite her over just once? I mean, if you met her….”

My voice fades as words fail me. But I haven’t said what I wanted to say, and my stubborn tongue begins talking again.

“I know you fought in Viet Nam, Dad. But Kim-Ly isn’t even Vietnamese. She was born in America. On American soil. The same America you fought for. She’s my wife, Dad. Won’t you even meet her?”

Dad picks up the tongs and begins turning hot dogs over. I probably should stop talking, but I don’t.

“Chinh doesn’t even know you as a grandfather. You’re just a name to him. Someone he’s somehow related to. If you won’t meet Kim-Ly, won’t you at least meet your grandson?”

The dogs have been on the grill too long, but Dad either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. For a brief moment I think I catch the glimmer of a tear in his eye. I put my arm around his shoulder and hug him.

Slowly, methodically, he begins putting the hot dogs on the serving platter.

Memorial Day means: Americans celebrating those we honor who have served in our military. Those fallen soldiers. I am a Veteran, but, to me they mean more. They have sacrificed more. Thank you.

The sun was relentless as we stood among the tombstones, dripping with sweat in our dark blue woolen uniforms. It seemed Memorial Day was either stifling hot, raining or rarely, just occasionally, a perfect Spring day, but regardless, in those woolen uniforms, we would be wet. As we stood at ease during the speeches trying to listen but thinking more about swimming later that day, the player next to me started swaying and before I could catch him he feinted, nearly bending his trombone in half as he crumpled to the ground.

As a high school student, the Day was always about the band, marching, playing, standing forever, smelly wool, long speeches and hoping for loud gun salutes and taps so it would be over.

Years later, I was the one in charge – a high school band director in a small town. Once again the Day was about lining up buses, music lyres for every player, instructing trumpeters in the taps routine, marching in straight lines, starting and ending the music together, smelly wool, smelling salts.

Oh yes, we were there to honor the fallen warriors and honor them we did – but that part of it was always muddled at the time by being part of making it all possible to celebrate the Day with honor and freedom and traditional American ways.

What does Memorial Day mean to me? Honestly, it reminds me of an article I read just earlier today, called ‘The Digital Language Divide’. About how the language you speak may determine your experience online to a much greater extent than you realise. And for me, Memorial Day reminds me that while English may be spoken by millions of people worldwide, culturally the landscape both online and offline is still dominated by Americans.

I don’t mean to accuse Ms Clark of excluding foreigners in writing this post. Just that I have often reflected on the oddities of living as a person whose first language is English, yet who is born and bred Singaporean.

Such as constantly being complimented on my English whenever I go abroad, simply because someone who looks like me isn’t supposed to speak good English. Or reading books set in Maine or London or California, with books set anywhere else being marketed as ‘ethnic’ or ‘world’ literature.

Do you know of any bestselling books set in a non-English speaking location, which DON’T end up with the protagonist moving to an English-speaking locale? The Kite Runner begins in Afghanistan but ends in San Francisco. Memoirs of a Geisha takes place in Japan but gets told only after Sayuri moves to New York. It’s like authors have to keep returning to America to provide a bridge for English-speaking readers, to assure them that their books are Not Too Foreign.

So that’s my two cents on being an English-speaking Singaporean bibliophile. How it feels to come by for writing practice and then find that I can’t engage with the writing prompt in the way it’s meant to be written. What if I wrote a prompt asking ‘What does Chinese New Year mean to you?’ That might trigger the same feelings of ‘Ehh…not sure how I’d respond to that’ for a different segment of English speakers.

I’m with you, Stella. I was also born in the East and people are surprised at my ‘good’ spoken and written English, not knowing that it is my mother tongue. This is because people from Anglo speaking countries do not have enough knowledge of the citizens and education in Eastern countries.

Thanks, Lilian. To be fair I think all of us are both perpetrators and victims of ignorance. For myself, I barely know anything about people from Eastern Europe, the Middle East or Africa because those are the regions that tend to get left out in popular culture. Eg when I was on exchange in Switzerland and met an apartment-mate who was from Latvia, I had no idea what to say to him. While I did encounter some stereotyping on exchange, the experience also made me more forgiving of ignorance. Since I realise I, too, am in some ways ignorant.

You are right, Stella. Perhaps the best approach is to ask someone from another country to tell us important customs and features about their country. I think we all are ignorant concerning many cultures, so it’s wise to make allowances when people don’t know much about ours.

Stump Gets His Way

“Pass the motha…. cards out.” Stump said, parking his wheelchair by the volunteer’s desk in the VA Medical Center. “Excuse me, Stump? ” Luther Davis, a volunteer asked. “The gotblessed cards.” Stump hissed. “You let the Memorial Day pass and you throw the damn things out. I know what you do.” “Stump is upset. ” Luther laughed. He was a black veteran with gray hair. He sat back down and sipped his soda. “I served in Vietnam and got my damn legs blown off and have shrapnel in my hip. I deserve a card. I deserve a lot.” Stump yelled at the top of his lungs. Tears stung his eyes. “Don’t fucking yell at us, Stump. We are here and we served too. Here, take a card.” Macah Jade, another veteran volunteer said, handing Stump a card. Stump accepted the card. “But what about the other veterans in this hospital who can’t get to the front desk?” “When Julia Basterville comes in. She’s a nurse in the renal department. I will hand her some and tell her to pass them to the patients. Okay, Stump?” Macah asked. “Okay, sorry. I lost my head…..” Stump said, wiping away tears. “No, we are all veterans but we need to think about each other. I will make sure each holiday, that these greeting cards for veterans get passed out.” “Thanks.” Stump said, opening his card. “Hey, this shit is crappy but it made me feel good.” “You made us think, Stump. Have a great Memorial Day weekend.” Both volunteers said in unison. They saluted Stump and he saluted back.

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Memorial Day

By: History.com Editors

Updated: May 24, 2023 | Original: October 27, 2009

Memorial Day is an American holiday, observed on the last Monday of May, honoring the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military. Memorial Day 2023 will occur on Monday, May 29. 

Originally known as Decoration Day, it originated in the years following the Civil War and became an official federal holiday in 1971. Many Americans observe Memorial Day by visiting cemeteries or memorials, holding family gatherings and participating in parades. Unofficially, it marks the beginning of the summer season.

The Birthplace of Memorial Day and Early Observances 

The Civil War , which ended in the spring of 1865, claimed more lives than any conflict in U.S. history and required the establishment of the country’s first national cemeteries.

By the late 1860s, Americans in various towns and cities had begun holding springtime tributes to these countless fallen soldiers, decorating their graves with flowers and reciting prayers.

It is unclear where exactly this tradition originated; numerous different communities may have independently initiated the memorial gatherings. And some records show that one of the earliest Memorial Day commemorations  was organized by a group of formerly enslaved people in Charleston, South Carolina less than a month after the Confederacy surrendered in 1865. Nevertheless, in 1966 the federal government declared Waterloo, New York , the official birthplace of Memorial Day .

Waterloo—which first celebrated the day on May 5, 1866—was chosen because it hosted an annual, community-wide event, during which businesses closed and residents decorated the graves of soldiers with flowers and flags.

Did you know? Each year on Memorial Day a national moment of remembrance takes place at 3:00 p.m. local time.

Decoration Day

On May 5, 1868, General John A. Logan, leader of an organization for Northern Civil War veterans, called for a nationwide day of remembrance later that month. “The 30th of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet churchyard in the land,” he proclaimed.

The date of Decoration Day , as he called it, was chosen because it wasn’t the anniversary of any particular battle.

On the first Decoration Day, General James Garfield made a speech at Arlington National Cemetery , and 5,000 participants decorated the graves of the 20,000 Civil War soldiers buried there.

Many Northern states held similar commemorative events and reprised the tradition in subsequent years; by 1890 each one had made Decoration Day an official state holiday. Southern states, on the other hand, continued to honor the dead on separate days until after World War I .

History of Memorial Day

Memorial Day, as Decoration Day gradually came to be known, originally honored only those lost while fighting in the Civil War. But during World War I the United States found itself embroiled in another major conflict, and the holiday evolved to commemorate American military personnel who died in all wars, including World War II , The Vietnam War , The Korean War and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan .

For decades, Memorial Day continued to be observed on May 30, the date General Logan had selected for the first Decoration Day. But in 1968, Congress passed the Uniform Monday Holiday Act, which established Memorial Day as the last Monday in May in order to create a three-day weekend for federal employees. The change went into effect in 1971. The same law also declared Memorial Day a federal holiday.

Memorial Day Traditions and Rituals 

Cities and towns across the United States host Memorial Day parades each year, often incorporating military personnel and members of veterans’ organizations. Some of the largest parades take place in Chicago , New York and Washington, D.C.

Americans also observe Memorial Day by visiting cemeteries and memorials. Some people wear a red poppy in remembrance of those fallen in war—a tradition that began with a World War I poem . On a less somber note, many people take weekend trips or throw parties and barbecues on the holiday, perhaps because Memorial Day weekend—the long weekend comprising the Saturday and Sunday before Memorial Day and Memorial Day itself—unofficially marks the beginning of summer.

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The Real Meaning of Memorial Day and Why it's Important to Know

6 minute read

Memorial Day is ultimately a day of respect and remembrance for those who sacrificed their lives in military service and the immeasurable loss to their families, friends, and communities. It's also a day of respect for all of us to savor and not take for granted the opportunity to do what we love to do because of those sacrifices.

Tony Caldwell, a TD Bank Specialized Human Resources Manager, and veteran who served with the U.S. Army and U.S. Army National Guard for 27 years, embodies just that. He starts the day by visiting a local cemetery in Charlotte, North Carolina, where he meets with both past and present work colleagues who are veterans. The group honors the lives lost by putting flags on the graves of soldiers. Afterwards, they have a hearty breakfast where they catch up and share both the joys and complaints of everyday life.

"It's hard and somber, going to the cemetery," he said, " It's personal to those of us who have served. My brothers and sisters volunteered. They knew what they were getting into, and they still did it. Memorial Day is about loss. But we also enjoy ourselves at the breakfast. I really think that's kind of the point. Do those things you want to do. Go buy a new mattress if you need one and save money. Nobody's going to fault you for that. Just take a moment of reflection about somebody who gave up everything, somebody's family lost their person. Whether that moment is one you have privately, or if it's with a group and everybody reflects together, that's up to you. I am also going to enjoy every ounce of a frosty beverage because somebody didn't get to, and somebody's family doesn't get to do it with them."

Ways to show respect

While Tony and many other veterans appreciate the sentiments behind people thanking them for their service that day or saying, "Happy Memorial Day," it misses the true meaning. The confusion about the purpose of Memorial Day and Veterans Day is common. Memorial Day is designated to specifically honor those who died in service to our country. Veteran's Day in November is considered a celebration of all American military veterans, living and dead.

"If a veteran explains to you the difference between Veteran's Day and Memorial Day, and they sound like a grouch, forgive them, they don't mean to, they just want you to know what the day is about," Tony said.

So, what is the right thing to say?

There are varying answers depending on the veteran, according to Army veteran Robert Opp, TD Bank's Sourcer for Veterans and Individuals with Disabilities, based in Pennsylvania. He suggested that if a veteran is wearing a uniform, you could strike up a conversation about their service, but do not thank them on that day.

Sarah Decker, a TD Bank Marketing Manager in Mount Laurel, New Jersey who serves with the Marine Corps Reserves as a Staff Sergeant, acknowledges the day by reflecting on its true meaning and taking a moment of silence to remember the fallen, both those she knew personally and those she did not. She agrees with Robert that each veteran may have a preference on the best ways for people to express acknowledgement on the day.

"While saying 'Happy Memorial Day' can be saddening, it is most important to me that people recognize the day's importance, rather than get caught up in how to correctly wish someone well on this day," Sarah explained.

"Social media is a simple and effective way to acknowledge the day by posting a meaningful quote, memory or a message such as, 'remembering our fallen heroes' or 'wishing you a meaningful and memorable Memorial Day,' " Sarah said. "Other ways to show respect for the fallen is through gestures, for example, placing flags on graves or getting involved with charitable organizations that benefit the families of the fallen."

For in-person Memorial Day greetings, Sarah understands that it can be difficult to find the right words. "I might use phrases like, 'Have a great weekend memorializing our heroes', or 'Wishing you a memorable day/weekend.' While it's important to be sensitive to the phrasing, the true meaning is to remember our fallen heroes, and that's what I hope people choose to do this Memorial Day weekend."

There are many ways to acknowledge the day rather than simply saying "Happy Memorial Day," according to Sarah. Red Poppy Flowers are worn in remembrance of those who died fighting for our nation. Flags are flown at half mast until noon to symbolize it is a day of "National Mourning." You can visit memorials and cemeteries to pay your respects or participate in laying battlefield crosses, wreaths, flowers and/or flags at their gravesites.

TD Bank colleagues support Memorial Day Flowers Foundation

"Memorial Day is a day that we focus on our utmost gratitude for the soldiers who died protecting our great nation and the families who lost their loved ones, " said Paul Bajus Head of U.S. Contact Centers and Executive Lead for TD's D&I Veterans pillar. "As a veteran, I acknowledge the great importance of a day where we are all united in recognizing sacrifices made by our armed services. I ask that all of us take a moment to remember that we can live our lives freely because of these fallen heroes."

TD Bank encourages people to reflect on the day.

“At TD, we celebrate the dedication and bravery of all military personnel and are deeply appreciative of their commitment to our country," said Ernie Diaz, Head of U.S. Distribution, Wealth and TD Auto Finance and Management Committee Sponsor for the Veterans Pillar at TD. "Memorial Day is a particularly important day for us as we collectively pause to reflect and honor the service members who gave their lives for this great nation, as well as the families and friends they left behind."

Robert usually has a quiet day because of a feeling that many who put on the uniform share – survivor's guilt. He often goes to a Memorial Park near where he lives and walks around while remembering a soldier he served with who didn't make it home. This year, Robert, along with about a dozen other TD colleagues will be going to Arlington Cemetery for the Memorial Day Flowers Foundation (MDFF) program which TD has supported since 2013 .

As the father of two very young children, Robert hasn't yet fully explained his military service experience. But as his children get older, he considers what he would want them to learn.

"There are a lot of honorable people out there who have given up so much so you can have your way of life, " he said. "That is what is important."

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Patriotic essay contest open for entries

” What Memorial Day Means to Me ” is the subject for an essay contest open to students in third grade through high school. “What Memorial Day Means to Me” is the subject for an essay contest open to students in third grade through high school.

Three divisions will be judged: Grades 3-5; grades 6-8 and high school. First, second and third place winning essays in each of the three categories will be awarded prizes of $100, $50 and $25 savings bonds, respectively, which have been donated by Pinnacle Bank.

Students can submit one original essay of 250-500 words typed and double-spaced. Students are encouraged to discuss the essay theme with teachers, parents and friends, but must be the sole author of the essay. An official Memorial Day Essay Contest entry form must accompany the essay.

Deadline for entries is May 19.

The winners will be invited to ride in the Gilroy Memorial Day Parade May 25 and will be invited to read their essay at the Family Fun Day at Christmas Hill Park following the parade.

Click here to download an entry form.

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New York State Senator Andrew J. Lanza

Deputy Minority Leader

( R, C, IP, RFM ) 24th Senate District

Memorial Day Essay Contest

Andrew J. Lanza

June 2, 2022

I am pleased to announce the winners of my annual Memorial Day Essay Contest, "What Does Memorial Day Mean to Me?"

These essays were exemplary and truly captured the meaning of Memorial Day. I want to congratulate the winners and all those who participated. Have safe and wonderful summer!

Felix Rodriguez 

Vance Degroat

The Michael J. Petrides School 

Kylie Allende

Melek Celebioglu

Ryan Althoff

Demetre Gumberidze

Olivia Russo

Stella Feierman 

Giovanni Carollo

Vincent Arcelay

St. Patrick's School 

Brendan Massa

Christian Bellocchio

Ella Sarcona 

Rebecca Emily Cohen

Cristofer Sanchez Gonzalez

Payton Carroll

Matthew Martin 

Emma Piantosi

Harrison Tan

Valentina Hernandez 

Daniel Przybyszewski

Academy of St. Dorothy

Tiffany Tetteviah

Stephen Brown

Jessica Carlucci

 Nina Kovaci

Our Lady Star of the Sea

Joseph Costanza

Andrew Jichetti 

Anthony Abreu

Vinuk Samaththuwa Wasam

Ariana Ranieri 

Domenico Caputo

St. Clare School

Joseph Sheehan 

Mackenzie Clifford 

St. Teresa-St. Rita Stream Academy

Sophia Ortiz 

Isabella McDonald 

Ava Esposito 

Lavell Buie

Adrianna Young 

Angelin Zhu

Anthony Stefanopoulos 

Nicolette Compton 

Thomas Sacco 

Daniel Mizrachi 

Andrew Muller

Samantha Mattia 

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