essay about long term relationship

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10 Pillars of a Strong Relationship

Your performance evaluation at work comes in, and it’s glowing. However, there’s one area that “needs improvement.” Days later, which part do you think about?

The negative, of course. Part of you knows it’s ridiculous to let that one thing bother you. After all, there’s a lot more good in there than bad, but you can’t seem to help it.

Unfortunately, we do the same thing in our romantic relationships. We all have a negativity bias , or tendency to focus on the bad aspects of experiences. This makes us more critical of our relationship than we should be. Along the way, we take the good times for granted and they become an under-appreciated part of our partnership. But the problems? They stand out. Our partner’s insensitive comments, moods, and messiness regularly capture our full attention.

Mix this into a relationship that has lost a bit of its spark, and it can be hard to notice anything other than the problems. As Daniel Kahneman describes in Thinking, Fast and Slow , we tend to only see what’s right in front of us and overlook what’s not there at the moment. When problems are all that you see, it feels like that’s all your relationship is.

In fact, we have such a strong tendency to pick up on the bad stuff that we may even manufacture problems that don’t exist. A study published in Science suggests that if our relationship doesn’t have any major issues, we’re more likely to take what once would have been considered a small issue and feel it’s more problematic.

When we spend our time worrying about the wrong things, we don’t have time to appreciate what’s going right. Not only does this mean our view of the relationship is skewed, but it also means we’re missing out on a meaningful opportunity. While working on problems is one way to improve a long-term relationship, it’s just as important to reflect on your partner’s good qualities and the positive aspects of your connection.

The pillars of healthy relationships

To shift your perspective, start by paying more attention to the facets of your relationship that are stable, consistent, and comfortable. Those peaceful, drama-free, status-quo elements are easy to forget, but they’re sources of strength.

Below are 10 key pillars of healthy relationships that research suggests are key to a satisfying, lasting bond. Many of these are likely present in your own relationship; you just need to pause and take notice.

1. You can be yourself. You and your partner accept each other for who you are; you don’t try to change each other. You can simply be yourself and show your true identity without worrying if your partner will judge you. That’s helpful because research shows that partners who accept each other tend to be more satisfied with their relationships. 

2. You are BFFs. In many ways, your romantic partner is your best friend, and you’re theirs. That’s good news because research suggests that romantic partners who emphasize friendship tend to be more committed and experience more sexual gratification. Romantic relationships that value friendship emphasize emotional support, intimacy, affection, and maintaining a strong bond. They also focus on meeting needs related to caregiving, security, and companionship. 

3. You feel comfortable and close. Getting close to someone isn’t always easy. But in your relationship, you’ve worked through that and are quite comfortable sharing feelings, relying on each other, and being emotionally intimate. Even if vulnerability can be challenging at times, you’ve learned to trust your partner and find it brings you closer. You no longer put up emotional walls and don’t constantly worry about your partner leaving, which provides a sense of stability . 

4. You’re more alike than different. You and your partner have a lot in common, and key areas of similarity may help make your relationship more satisfying , new research suggests. Sure, the differences stand out, but beyond those few contrasts, you’re similar in a lot of ways. For example, your partner may enjoy superhero movies while you enjoy rom-coms. Though that feels like a major contrast, you’re both homebodies who enjoy making a meal together then crashing on the couch to watch TV shows where you can debate others’ life choices, make fun of awkward dialogue, and try to guess the next plot twist. Ultimately, you have a lot more in common than you have differences.

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Read this article in Spanish on La Red Hispana, the public-facing media outlet and distribution house of HCN , focused on educating, inspiring, and informing 40 million U.S. Hispanics.

5. You feel like a team. Words matter. When you talk, do you often use words like “we,” “us,” and “our?” If someone asks, “What’s your favorite show to binge-watch?,” do you reply with, “We have started watching Schitt’s Creek ”? That use of “we” shows a strong sense of cognitive closeness, or shared identity, in your relationship. Research suggests that couples who are interconnected like this tend to be more satisfied and committed . 

6. They make you a better person. Your partner helps you refine and improve who you are. Here, your partner doesn’t take charge and tell you how to change, but rather supports your choices for self-growth . Together, you seek out new and interesting experiences that contribute to a feeling of self-development. According to relationship researchers, when you expand and grow as a person, your relationship does, too .

7. You share the power. While partners may have their areas of expertise (for example, one handles lawn care, while the other does interior decorating), partners often share decision making, power, and influence in the relationship. When both partners have a say, relationships are stronger, more satisfied, and more likely to last . And, unsurprisingly, couples are happier when they feel the division of labor in their relationship is fair. 

8. They’re fundamentally good. What do people want in a spouse? It’s surprisingly simple: someone who is reliable, warm, kind, fair, trustworthy, and intelligent . Though these traits aren’t flashy and may not immediately come to mind when creating your partner wish list, they provide the foundation for a resilient relationship. Research suggests that when partners have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities, they tend to be more satisfied in their relationship. 

9. You trust each other. We need to be able to rely on our partner, which comes from a sense of trust. Not only do we trust our partner with the password to our phone, or with access to our bank account, we know that our partner always has our best interests in mind and will be there for us when we need them. Research suggests this is a positive cycle : Trust encourages greater commitment, which encourages greater trust.

10. You don’t have serious issues. There are problems, and then there are PROBLEMS. Sometimes it’s easy to forget about all of the problems and major red flags we don’t have to deal with. “Dark side” issues like disrespect, cheating, jealousy, and emotional or physical abuse are relationship killers. Sometimes, the light can come from the absence of dark.

Spend a few moments reflecting on how each of these apply to your own relationship. At this point, you may want to give yourself some kind of score to affirm your relationship is in good shape. How many of those 10 pillars do you have? How many do you lack? But that’s not really the point. Chances are, your relationship has elements of all 10. The key is to do a better job of noticing and, where needed, cultivating these foundational areas. Often, strengthening these pillars is as simple as savoring everything in your relationship that works. There’s a lot there when you know what to look for. 

Hopefully, you’ve also noticed areas of strength that aren’t on this list. That’s great, because this list is by no means comprehensive. More importantly, it shows you’re starting to notice more of what works, and not obsessing about what’s broken. 

Of course, you shouldn’t use a few positives to justify staying in a bad relationship. Focusing on strengths is only helpful for those in good relationships looking to make them better. Good relationships are built on mutual respect, love, and friendship between equals.

The lesson here also isn’t to pretend like your relationship doesn’t have issues. Rather, it’s a lot easier to fix those problems when you appreciate how much of your relationship is already going well. Relationships are difficult enough without making them any harder. When you’re only shedding light on what’s wrong, it’s easy to buy into the mistaken belief that your relationship is in trouble. But when you stop taking the good for granted, and give your partner and relationship more credit, you may realize that your relationship is stronger than you think.

About the Author

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D. , is the author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them . He is also an award-winning teacher, researcher, relationship expert, and professor at Monmouth University.

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• Love & Relationships

The Science Behind Happy Relationships

W hen it comes to relationships , most of us are winging it. We’re exhilarated by the early stages of love , but as we move onto the general grind of everyday life, personal baggage starts to creep in and we can find ourselves floundering in the face of hurt feelings, emotional withdrawal, escalating conflict, insufficient coping techniques and just plain boredom. There’s no denying it: making and keeping happy and healthy relationships is hard.

But a growing field of research into relationships is increasingly providing science-based guidance into the habits of the healthiest, happiest couples — and how to make any struggling relationship better. As we’ve learned, the science of love and relationships boils down to fundamental lessons that are simultaneously simple, obvious and difficult to master: empathy, positivity and a strong emotional connection drive the happiest and healthiest relationships.

Maintaining a strong emotional connection

“The most important thing we’ve learned, the thing that totally stands out in all of the developmental psychology, social psychology and our lab’s work in the last 35 years is that the secret to loving relationships and to keeping them strong and vibrant over the years, to falling in love again and again, is emotional responsiveness,” says Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist in Ottawa and the author of several books, including Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love .

That responsiveness, in a nutshell, is all about sending a cue and having the other person respond to it. “The $99 million question in love is, ‘Are you there for me?’” says Johnson. “It’s not just, ‘Are you my friend and will you help me with the chores?’ It’s about emotional synchronicity and being tuned in.”

“Every couple has differences,” continues Johnson. “What makes couples unhappy is when they have an emotional disconnection and they can’t get a feeling of secure base or safe haven with this person.” She notes that criticism and rejection — often met with defensiveness and withdrawal — are exceedingly distressing, and something that our brain interprets as a danger cue.

To foster emotional responsiveness between partners, Johnson pioneered Emotionally Focused Therapy , in which couples learn to bond through having conversations that express needs and avoid criticism. “Couples have to learn how to talk about feelings in ways that brings the other person closer,” says Johnson.

Keeping things positive

According to Carrie Cole, director of research for the Gottman Institute , an organization dedicated to the research of marriage, emotional disengagement can easily happen in any relationship when couples are not doing things that create positivity. “When that happens, people feel like they’re just moving further and further apart until they don’t even know each other anymore,” says Cole. That focus on positivity is why the Gottman Institute has embraced the motto “small things often.” The Gottman Lab has been studying relationship satisfaction since the 1970s, and that research drives the Institute’s psychologists to encourage couples to engage in small, routine points of contact that demonstrate appreciation.

One easy place to start is to find ways to compliment your partner every day, says Cole — whether it’s expressing your appreciation for something they’ve done or telling them, specifically, what you love about them. This exercise can accomplish two beneficial things: First, it validates your partner and helps them feel good about themselves. And second, it helps to remind you why you chose that person in the first place.

Listen to the brain, not just your heart

When it comes to the brain and love, biological anthropologist and Kinsey Institute senior fellow Helen Fisher has found — after putting people into a brain scanner — that there are three essential neuro-chemical components found in people who report high relationship satisfaction: practicing empathy, controlling one’s feelings and stress and maintaining positive views about your partner.

In happy relationships, partners try to empathize with each other and understand each other’s perspectives instead of constantly trying to be right. Controlling your stress and emotions boils down to a simple concept: “Keep your mouth shut and don’t act out,” says Fisher. If you can’t help yourself from getting mad, take a break by heading out to the gym, reading a book, playing with the dog or calling a friend — anything to get off a destructive path. Keeping positive views of your partner, which Fisher calls “positive illusions,” are all about reducing the amount of time you spend dwelling on negative aspects of your relationship. “No partner is perfect, and the brain is well built to remember the nasty things that were said,” says Fisher. “But if you can overlook those things and just focus on what’s important, it’s good for the body, good for the mind and good for the relationship.”

Happier relationships, happier life

Ultimately, the quality of a person’s relationships dictates the quality of their life. “Good relationships aren’t just happier and nicer,” says Johnson. “When we know how to heal [relationships] and keep them strong, they make us resilient. All these clichés about how love makes us stronger aren’t just clichés; it’s physiology. Connection with people who love and value us is our only safety net in life.”

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127 Relationship Essay Topic Ideas & Examples

Inside This Article

Relationships are an essential part of human life, shaping our experiences, emotions, and overall well-being. Whether it's with a romantic partner, family member, friend, or colleague, relationships play a crucial role in our daily interactions and personal development. With such a diverse range of relationships in our lives, there are countless topics to explore and discuss when it comes to relationships. In this article, we will provide 127 relationship essay topic ideas and examples to inspire your next writing project.

Romantic Relationships:

• The impact of social media on modern relationships
• The importance of communication in a healthy relationship
• How to maintain a long-distance relationship
• The role of trust in a romantic relationship
• The effects of jealousy in a relationship
• How to navigate conflicts in a relationship
• The benefits of couples therapy
• The impact of love languages on relationship dynamics
• How to keep the spark alive in a long-term relationship
• The role of gender roles in romantic relationships

Family Relationships: 11. The dynamics of sibling relationships 12. The effects of parental divorce on children's relationships 13. The importance of family rituals in strengthening relationships 14. How to improve communication within a family 15. The impact of cultural differences on family relationships 16. The role of family history in shaping relationships 17. How to navigate conflicts with family members 18. The benefits of family therapy 19. The impact of technology on family relationships 20. The challenges of caring for aging parents

Friendships: 21. The qualities of a true friend 22. The benefits of having a diverse group of friends 23. The impact of social media on friendships 24. How to maintain friendships as an adult 25. The role of empathy in friendships 26. The effects of jealousy in friendships 27. The benefits of having a close-knit friend group 28. The impact of moving on friendships 29. How to navigate conflicts with friends 30. The importance of setting boundaries in friendships

Workplace Relationships: 31. The benefits of having strong relationships with colleagues 32. The impact of office politics on workplace relationships 33. The role of communication in workplace relationships 34. How to build trust with coworkers 35. The effects of competition on workplace relationships 36. The benefits of mentorship in the workplace 37. The challenges of managing relationships with superiors 38. The impact of remote work on workplace relationships 39. How to navigate conflicts with coworkers 40. The importance of work-life balance in maintaining healthy relationships

Relationships and Mental Health: 41. The link between healthy relationships and mental well-being 42. The impact of toxic relationships on mental health 43. The benefits of therapy for relationship issues 44. How to set boundaries in relationships for better mental health 45. The effects of loneliness on mental health 46. The role of self-care in maintaining healthy relationships 47. The benefits of support groups for relationship struggles 48. The impact of trauma on interpersonal relationships 49. How to heal from past relationship wounds 50. The importance of self-reflection in improving relationships

Parent-Child Relationships: 51. The effects of different parenting styles on parent-child relationships 52. The benefits of quality time in parent-child relationships 53. The impact of technology on parent-child relationships 54. How to build trust with your child 55. The role of discipline in parent-child relationships 56. The challenges of balancing work and parenting 57. The benefits of family traditions in strengthening parent-child relationships 58. The impact of divorce on parent-child relationships 59. How to navigate conflicts with your child 60. The importance of open communication in parent-child relationships

Interracial Relationships: 61. The challenges of navigating cultural differences in interracial relationships 62. The benefits of interracial relationships 63. The impact of societal perceptions on interracial relationships 64. How to address racism within an interracial relationship 65. The role of family acceptance in interracial relationships 66. The effects of stereotypes on interracial relationships 67. The benefits of diversity in relationships 68. The challenges of raising biracial children 69. How to support your partner in an interracial relationship 70. The importance of celebrating cultural differences in interracial relationships

LGBTQ+ Relationships: 71. The challenges of coming out in a relationship 72. The benefits of LGBTQ+ representation in media on relationships 73. The impact of discrimination on LGBTQ+ relationships 74. How to navigate societal stigma in LGBTQ+ relationships 75. The role of chosen family in LGBTQ+ relationships 76. The effects of internalized homophobia on LGBTQ+ relationships 77. The benefits of LGBTQ+ support groups 78. The challenges of legal recognition for LGBTQ+ relationships 79. How to build a strong support system in an LGBTQ+ relationship 80. The importance of self-acceptance in LGBTQ+ relationships

Relationships and Technology: 81. The impact of dating apps on modern relationships 82. The benefits of virtual relationships 83. The effects of social media on relationship satisfaction 84. How to set boundaries around technology use in relationships 85. The role of video calls in long-distance relationships 86. The challenges of maintaining intimacy in a digital world 87. The benefits of online support groups for relationship issues 88. The impact of sexting on relationships 89. How to navigate conflicts over technology use in relationships 90. The importance of unplugging for better relationship health

Relationships and Self-Discovery: 91. The role of relationships in personal growth 92. The benefits of self-reflection in improving relationships 93. The impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships 94. How to heal from past relationship trauma 95. The challenges of breaking toxic relationship patterns 96. The benefits of therapy for relationship issues 97. The role of mindfulness in improving relationships 98. The effects of self-awareness on relationship dynamics 99. How to cultivate self-love for healthier relationships 100. The importance of setting boundaries for self-preservation

Miscellaneous Relationship Topics: 101. The impact of the pandemic on relationships 102. The benefits of pet relationships on mental health 103. The effects of age gap relationships 104. How to navigate relationships as a single parent 105. The role of forgiveness in repairing broken relationships 106. The benefits of volunteer relationships 107. The impact of codependency on relationships 108. How to build trust after a betrayal 109. The challenges of ending a toxic relationship 110. The benefits of relationship role-playing for communication skills 111. The impact of generational differences on relationships 112. The benefits of mentor-mentee relationships 113. The role of humor in strengthening relationships 114. How to maintain relationships as an introvert 115. The effects of attachment styles on relationship dynamics 116. The benefits of group therapy for relationship issues 117. The impact of substance abuse on relationships 118. How to support a partner with mental health challenges 119. The challenges of blended family relationships 120. The benefits of volunteering together in a relationship 121. The impact of financial stress on relationships 122. How to navigate relationships with different love languages 123. The role of forgiveness in repairing broken relationships 124. The benefits of mutual hobbies in relationships 125. The impact of trauma on relationships 126. How to rebuild trust after infidelity 127. The importance of gratitude in maintaining healthy relationships

In conclusion, relationships are a complex and multifaceted aspect of human life, with endless possibilities for exploration and discussion. Whether you're interested in romantic relationships, family dynamics, friendships, work relationships, or any other type of relationship, there is a wealth of topics to explore and write about. We hope that these 127 relationship essay topic ideas and examples have inspired you to delve deeper into the world of relationships and uncover new insights and perspectives. Happy writing!

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Long-Term Intimate Relationships Research Paper

Thesis statement.

The term long term relationship is commonly used to refer to intimate interaction between persons, which may last for a long period of time or even their lifetime. Such interaction may be or may not necessarily be based on marriage. In an intimate relationship, interaction between persons takes place at a level in which each gets to know the other very well and as a result each is able to adapt to the other’s behavioral patterns. A certain level of trust and opening up towards one another is also evident in this type of relationship. An intimate relationship is also characterized by close physical and emotional interaction (Newman D. M., O’Brien J. (2006).

Intimate relationships have highly been attributed to character formation in individuals. This is because the life of a human being is one continuous process though going through different stages of development. To be able to adapt to these different stages, a human being develops some level of intimacy that contributes greatly to character formation in the person. But although intimacy and character development in humans have been said to be inseparable, the kind of environment in which a human being is living also highly determines the course their development will take. This is through a human beings effort to adapt to their environment (Newman D. M., O’Brien J. (2006).

There are different types of intimate long-term relationships that are notable among humans but the main one remains the marriage relationship. It is upon this relationship that a family is founded and it is from the family set up that human beings learn to develop and adapt into other relationships that may occur in the course of their lives. We also have other relationships within the family that are long term such as father/mother relationship, brother/sister and also all those that one is genetically related to. Other types of relationships are such as romantic relationships, friendships, business as well as professional interactions, which are bound to happen in the course of an individual’s lifetime (Prager K. J.(1995).

Long-term intimate relationships are basically founded upon the kind of interactions that n individual is exposed to in the early stages of their life. In the course of these interactions character formation takes place. Intimacy can be noted in every stage of human development and also throughout an individual’s life. Beginning from birth, human beings develop different aspects that determine character formation and different levels of intimacy in different persons. These aspects are notably emotionality, sociability, impulsivity and activity. Emotionality refers to the human tendency to express negative feeling in an uncontrolled manner. Sociability is the ability to interact with others in a friendly and outgoing manner while activity refers to the level of movement in the course of these interactions. Impulsivity refers to unintentional actions in a person that may result from inability to exercise self-control (Aronson.E. (1999).

The ability in a human being to develop and maintain a long-term intimate relationship is formed in the early stages of life. These early stages are grouped into four different categories beginning with infancy, through childhood to adolescence and then into young adulthood. Each of these stages demands a different style of approach and living and as new needs arise with every new stage, every human being is bound to develop some form of intimate relationships. The first intimate relationship in a human being’s life is the mother–child relationship that develops during infancy. This takes place during the breastfeeding process and as a child sucks of the mother’s breast to get rid of hunger, the satisfaction leads to a long term relationships between the two. This relationship grows stronger in the course of the care giving that a mother gives to her child. The kind of interaction plays a very important role in the formation of other types of relationships that a human being will experience in the course of their life. From this mother/child attachment, young children have the tendency to develop a feeling of security and this brings about confidence and ease when the person gets into other relationships. At this stage, a child learns to love and to be attracted to another human being (Cardillo.M.(1998).

From infanthood, a child grows into the pre-school stage. This is a stage that demands some level of independence from the caregiver or mother, as the child is no longer under their constant care. At this stage a child will develop a need to be recognized as an individual and to exercise some type of freedom. Such kind of needs greatly influences the level of intimacy while relating to the peers. The urge to want to live peaceably with others and the affection the child received during infancy-combined help the child in developing intimate relationships at this stage. There is a tendency at this stage to have attraction to those of the opposite sex. Whatever character traits a child has acquired from the parent are strongly reflected at this stage. Research findings indicate that children who are strongly bonded with their parents during infancy are better fitted socially and tend to develop strong intimate relationships. The type of relationships developed at this stage is mostly based on strong feelings of liking towards another and they form a basis for the kind of relationships in the next stage of life (Cardillo.M.(1998).

The next development stage that provides a good field for the formation of long-term intimate relationships is the adolescence stage. This stage has been referred to as a transitional stage from childhood into adulthood. It is a very difficult stage for children as they try to leave the childish way of life, adapt to adult behavior and at the same time learn to accept themselves as persons. This is also referred to as the discovery stage and new emotional as well as sexual needs are realized at this stage. At this stage, adolescents begin to realize the limitations placed upon them by parents and the urge to take full responsibility of oneself develops. This urge for responsibility and independence requires that the adolescent now distances themselves from the parents and this has been an issue that brings a lot of conflict between parents and the young adults. The adolescent feels the urge to be left to sort out issues their own way and the parent at the same time wants to continue monitoring the child’s way of life. At this stage, the duration spent under the care of the parent decreases and the role of the parent in the adolescent s life changes from dotting mother or father to guardian. Also affected is the role-played by friends in the adolescent’s life. There is a tendency at this stage to relate to those going through the same stage in life. Because the adolescent is exposed to some emotional & physical changes, it is permissible that the type of relationships they are involved in also change so as to conform to new needs and pressures exerted upon their lives. Feelings for love, hate, like or dislike get very strong at this stage and relationships developed at this stage are likely to continue for a long period in the course of a persons life. There is a strong feeling to want to connect to another and this forms a basis for long-term intimate relationships (Cardillo.M.(1998).

At the adolescent stage, there is notable increase in the number of intimate relationships as adolescents form interactions through which they can explore the world and those through which they can identify themselves. Personality traits developed in the earlier stages of pre-school and infancy highly reflect in the type of intimate relationships that are developed at this stage. This is also a very sensitive stage because it is during late adolescence that a human being discovers the kind of changes that affect their personality. An adolescent will tend to look for sameness aid continuity in a relationship. It is at this stage that intimate relationships that occur in early adulthood begin to take shape. Different persons will form different forms of intimate relationships at this stage depending on the depth and level of commitment that they practiced in the earlier stages of life. At this stage, the young adult is highly influenced by curiosity in a bid to find out the meaningfulness and usefulness of things, relationships not excluded. The adolescent has mixed feelings and they are unable to make the difference between loving and liking. Strong liking towards another has often been confused for love at this stage (Mitchell J. J.(1998).

The formation of long-term intimate relationships does not however stop at early adulthood. This process continues on into adulthood, a stage that can be described as not totally secure in the area of intimate relationships. Adulthood is a stage that is characterized by many ups and downs and adaptive measures for coping with so many changes and challenges that affect relationships become very necessary. During adulthood, new people and new situations are an inevitably in one’s life and with the fact that old ones must not be lost altogether the challenges of coping up get even greater. Adulthood is therefore, a stage in which intimacy in long-term relationships is affected by very many factors; most of them external and a high level of maturity are therefore required at this stage. It is at this stage that most of the crucial long-term relationships develop and caution must be taken because it is a stage in which long lasting effects can be realized in an intimate relationship. A lot of care must be taken during interaction so as to balance the different kinds of interactions with different kinds of people. A person for example is not expected to relate to a fellow worker in their place of work in the same way that he/she relates to their wife or husband at home. This is irrespective of the fact that the fellow worker may be of the opposite sex. It is at the adult state that such other long-term relationships as business partnerships also take place. Such type of a relationship is very involving as it affects their economic life as well. High monetary risks are involved in such undertakings that may affect and determine how a person relates with those in the partnerships and also in their family. It is an adventure that requires very high level of trust between individuals. Successful business ventures have often led to long-term intimate relationships between those involved as well as their families. Religious interactions also contribute highly to the formation of long-term intimate relationships at this stage. Love is also very strong at this stage of life and the adult is able to differentiate between like and love. It is at this stage that life partnerships take shape for example the marriage union. Other emotional feelings such as dislike or hate that may have developed in the course of a person’s life are either established or done away with a this stage. This is facilitated by a human being’s ability and capacity to differentiate between good or bad and right or wrong and any relationship developed at this stage will be based on the strong fact of whether it is beneficial to the person or not. At this time of life, an adult has a clear guideline for the type of social groups that they can identify with (Cahn D. D. (1992).

A lot remains to be done in research involving long-term intimate relationships. This is because a lot of research already carried out mainly looks at intimacy in relation to human development. Other strong factors that play a very important role in determining the development long-term intimate relationships such as environmental surroundings have not been given much attention. In the formation of long-term intimate relationships the environment or surroundings that a human being is exposed to greatly determines the type of relationship and the level of intimacy. In the marriage union for example love tends to blossom between people in the same environmental surroundings, that is people who have come to know each other because they live in the same area or because certain situations in life have brought them together under the same environment. Social-cultural factors have also played a very great role in determining the type of long-term intimate relationships that take place in any society. Culture and differences in social interests for example still remain a great hindrance in the establishment of long-term intimate relationships and have also resulted in dissolving of such relationships. In the course of a marriage union for example, a couple may find themselves at loggerheads in the bid to have common friendships, to share what they own and the simple fact that they have to face the future together. The issue of priorities has also been another strong factor affecting the stability of long term intimate relationships. Because at the adult stage most people have already establishes what they value or give priority, it gets hard for many people to make adjustments that will help them cope up with the new situations brought about by a relationship. Where love abides though, there are no cultural, social, economic or racial boundaries. These are just boundaries that humans have tried to establish in the bid to conserve their own different values (Vaughan.D. (1986).

Intimate relationships have been on the decline and those already existing have been characterized by widespread separation and divorce. Although a lot of research has been carried out on separation and divorce, research findings on the factors that lead people to opt out of an intimate relationship are minimal. This is a field that needs extensive research because preserving intimate relationships is preserving society as well (Vaughan.D. (1986).

It is important to note that long-term intimate relationships come in different forms but the most important probably remains that one based on the marriage union. This is because it is the learning ground for every human being and also affects some form of economic security. The marriage union is however a long term intimate relationship that is most threatened by degradation that has mainly resulted from moral decay in society. Stability of the marriage union has been shaken by high rates of separation and divorce as well as the increase in same sex marriages that have been pressing for recognition as long-term intimate relationships. I intimacy is to remain a strong value in society today, a lot must be done to preserve the family as the basic unit through which society is assured of continuity.

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Essays About Love and Relationships: Top 5 Examples

Love, romance, and relationships are just as complicated and messy as they are fascinating. Read our guide on essays about love and relationships.

We, as humans, are social beings. Humanity is inclined towards living with others of our kind and forming relationships with them. Love, whether in a romantic context or otherwise, is essential to a strong relationship with someone. It can be used to describe familial, friendly, or romantic relationships; however, it most commonly refers to romantic partners. 

Love and relationships are difficult to understand, but with effort, devotion, and good intentions, they can blossom into something beautiful that will stay with you for life. This is why it is important to be able to discern wisely when choosing a potential partner.

5 Essay Examples

1. love and marriage by kannamma shanmugasundaram, 2. what my short-term relationships taught me about love and life by aaron zhu, 3. true love waits by christine barrett, 4. choosing the right relationship by robert solley, 5. masters of love by emily esfahani smith, 1. what is a healthy romantic relationship, 2. a favorite love story, 3. relationship experiences, 4. lessons relationships can teach you, 5. love and relationships in the 21st century, 6. is marriage necessary for true love.

“In successful love marriages, couples have to learn to look past these imperfections and remember the reasons why they married each other in the first place. They must be able to accept the fact that neither one of them is perfect. Successful love marriages need to set aside these superior, seemingly impossible expectations and be willing to compromise, settling for some good and some bad.”

Shanmugasundaram’s essay looks at marriage in Eastern Cultures, such as her Indian traditions, in which women have less freedom and are often forced into arranged marriages. Shanmugasundaram discusses her differing views with her parents over marriage; they prefer to stick to tradition while she, influenced by Western values, wants to choose for herself. Ultimately, she has compromised with her parents: they will have a say in who she marries, but it will be up to her to make the final decision. She will only marry who she loves. 

“There is no forever, I’ve been promised forever by so many exes that it’s as meaningless to me as a homeless person promising me a pot of gold. From here on out, I’m no longer looking for promises of forever, what I want is the promise that you’ll try your best and you’ll be worth it. Don’t promise me forever, promise me that there will be no regrets.”

In Zhu’s essay, he reflects on his lessons regarding love and relationships. His experiences with past partners have taught him many things, including self-worth and the inability to change others. Most interestingly, however, he believes that “forever” does not exist and that going into a relationship, they should commit to as long as possible, not “forever.” Furthermore, they should commit to making the relationship worthwhile without regret. 

“For life is a constant change, love is the greatest surprise, friendship is your best defense, maturity comes with responsibility and death is just around the corner, so, expect little, assume nothing, learn from your mistakes, never fail to have faith that true love waits, take care of your friends, treasure your family, moderate your pride and throw up all hatred for God opens millions of flowers without forcing the buds, reminding us not to force our way but to wait for true love to happen perfectly in His time.”

Barrett writes about how teenagers often feel the need to be in a relationship or feel “love” as soon as possible. But unfortunately, our brains are not fully matured in our teenage years, so we are more likely to make mistakes. Barrett discourages teenagers from dating so early; she believes that they should let life take its course and enjoy life at the moment. Her message is that they shouldn’t be in a rush to grow up, for true love will come to those who are patient. You might also be interested in these essays about commitment and essays about girlfriends .

“A paucity of common interests gets blamed when relationships go south, but they are rarely the central problem. Nonetheless, it is good to have some — mostly in terms of having enough in common that there are things that you enjoy spending time doing together. The more important domains to consider are personality and values, and when it comes to personality, the key question is how does your potential partner handle stress.”

Solley, from a more psychological perspective, gives tips on how one can choose the ideal person to be in a relationship with. Love is a lifetime commitment, so much thought should be put into it. One should look at culture, values regarding spending money, and common interests. Solley believes that you should not always look for someone with the same interests, for what makes a relationship interesting is the partners’ differences and how they look past them. 

“There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think about it as a fixed trait: Either you have it or you don’t. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle. In some people, that muscle is naturally stronger than in others, but it can grow stronger in everyone with exercise. Masters tend to think about kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it to keep it in shape. They know, in other words, that a good relationship requires sustained hard work.”

Smith discusses research conducted over many years that explains the different aspects of a relationship, including intimacy, emotional strength, and kindness. She discusses kindness in-depth, saying that a relationship can test your kindness, but you must be willing to work to be kind if you love your partner. You might also be interested in these essays about divorce .

6 Writing Prompts On Essays About Love and Relationships

Everyone has a different idea of what makes a great relationship. For example, some prioritize assertiveness in their partner, while others prefer a calmer demeanor. You can write about different qualities and habits that a healthy, respectful relationship needs, such as quality time and patience. If you have personal experience, reflect on this as well; however, if you don’t, write about what you would hope from your future partner. 

Love and relationships have been an essential element in almost every literary work, movie, and television show; an example of each would be Romeo and Juliet , The Fault in Our Stars , and Grey’s Anatomy . Even seemingly unrelated movies, such as the Star Wars and Lord of the Rings franchises, have a romantic component. Describe a love story of your choice; explain its plot, characters, and, most importantly, how the theme of love and relationships is present. 

If you have been in a romantic relationship before, or if you are in one currently, reflect on your experience. Why did you pursue this relationship? Explore your relationship’s positive and negative sides and, if applicable, how it ended. If not, write about how you will try and prevent the relationship from ending.

All our experiences in life form us, relationships included. In your essay, reflect on ways romantic relationships can teach you new things and make you better; consider values such as self-worth, patience, and positivity. Then, as with the other prompts, use your personal experiences for a more interesting essay. Hou might find our guide on how to write a vow helpful.

How love, romance, and relationships are perceived has changed dramatically in recent years; from the nuclear family, we have seen greater acceptance of same-sex relationships, blended families, and relationships with more than two partners—research on how the notion of romantic relationships has changed and discuss this in your essay. 

More and more people in relationships are deciding not to get married. For a strong argumentative essay, discuss whether you agree with the idea that true love does not require marriage, so it is fine not to get married in the first place. Research the arguments of both sides, then make your claim. 

Check out our guide packed full of transition words for essays . If you’re still stuck, check out our general resource of essay writing topics .

Martin is an avid writer specializing in editing and proofreading. He also enjoys literary analysis and writing about food and travel.

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Long-Term Relationships Essays

“opposites attract” synthesizes the maintenance of long-term relationships through relational dialectic theory, popular essay topics.

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12 Elements of Healthy Relationships

In every relationship , it’s important to consider how we treat  one an other.  Whether it’s  romantic , platonic , familial, intimate , or sexual , your relationship  with another should be respectful, honest, and fun.  

When relationships are healthy, they promote  emotional and social  well ness .  When relationships are unhealthy,  you  may feel drained, overwhelmed, and  invisible .   

In a pandemic, it’s even more important to consid er how you engage with others.   B oundaries, communication, and time apart  are vital to having relationships everyone  involved  feels good about.   Reflect on your current relationships and consider how you can incorporate the  elements  listed below:  

• Communication . The way you talk with friends or partners is an important part of a relationship. Everyone involved should be able to communicate feelings, opinions, and beliefs. When communicating, consider tone and phrasing. Miscommunication often occurs when individuals choose to text versus talking in person or a phone call. Figuring out the best ways to express your feelings together will help eliminate miscommunication.
• Boundaries . Boundaries are physical, emotional, and mental limits or guidelines a person sets for themselves which others need to respect. You and your partners or friends should feel comfortable in the activities you are doing together. All individuals involved should be respectful of boundaries. Whether it’s romantic, sexual, or platonic, consider what you want the relationship to look like and discuss it with the other(s).
• Consent . Consent is important in all relationships. Consent is uncoerced permission to interact with the body or the life of another person. Coercion can look like pressure to do something, physical force, bargaining, or someone holding power over another to get what they want. Consent can look like asking about boundaries in relationships, actively listening to responses, and always respecting those boundaries.
• Trust . Each person in the relationship should have confidence in one another. If you are questioning whether to trust someone, it may be important to communicate your feelings to them. Consider what makes you not trust someone. Is it something they did, or is it something you’ve experienced in other relationships?
• Honesty . Honesty is important for communication. Each person within the relationship or friendship should have the opportunity to express their feelings and concerns. If you don’t feel comfortable being honest with someone, consider why and seek support if needed.
• Independence . It’s important to have time to yourself in any relationship. Having opportunities to hang with others or time for self-care is important to maintain a healthy relationship. If you live with your partner(s) or friend(s), set up designated areas within your place where you can spend time alone.
• Equality . Each person in the relationship should have an equal say in what’s going on. Listen to each other and respect boundaries.
• Support . Each person in the relationship should feel supported. It’s important to have compassion and empathy for one another. In addition to supporting one another, it’s important to recognize your own needs and communicate boundaries around support.
• Responsibility . Some days you may find you said something hurtful or made a mistake. Make sure to take responsibility for your actions and do not place the blame on your partner(s) or friend(s). Taking responsibility for your actions will further trust and honesty.
• Healthy conflict . You may think conflict is a sign of an unhealthy relationship, but talking about issues or disagreements is normal. You won’t find a person that has the exact same interests, opinions, and beliefs as you; thus, at times disagreements may occur. Communicating your feelings and opinions while being respectful and kind is part of a healthy relationship.
• Safety . Safety is the foundation of connection in a relationship. In order to set boundaries, communicate, and have fun, everyone must feel safe. If you do not feel safe to express your feelings, have independence, or anything else on this list, seek support using the resources below.
• Fun . In addition to all these components, you should be enjoying the time you spend with others. Again, it’s important that your relationships promote your well-being and do not diminish it.

Want to learn more about healthy relationships? Check out this quiz by Love is Respect , a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline .

If you or someone you know is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the university has confidential, non-confidential, and peer-led resources you can contact for help and support.

Confidential resources provide assistance and support and information shared is protected and cannot be reported unless given explicit permission from the individual that disclosed; there is imminent threat of harm to the individual or others; the conduct involves suspected abuse of a minor under the age of 18; or otherwise permitted by law or court order.

Non-confidential resources are available to provide support or assistance to individuals but are not confidential and may have broader obligations to report information. Non-confidential resources will report information only to the necessary departments, such as Office of Institutional Equity (OIE).

Peer-led resources are available to provide support and assistance. Services are provided by Johns Hopkins students, and are non-confidential.

Hopkins Confidential Resources

• Counseling Center : 410-516-8278 (press 1 for the on-call counselor). Serves all full-time undergraduate & graduate students from KSAS, WSE, and Peabody.
• Counseling Center Sexual Assault HelpLine: 410-516-7333. Serves all Johns Hopkins students.
• Student Health and Wellness Center : 410-516-4784. Serves all full-time, part-time, and visiting undergraduate and graduate students from KSAS, WSE, and Peabody. Serves post-doctoral fellows enrolled in KSAS, WSE, School of Education, and Sheridan Libraries.
• Religious and Spiritual Life : 410-516-1880.
• Gender Violence Prevention and Education: Alyse Campbell, [email protected] , book a time to chat at: tinyurl.com/MeetwAlyse . Serves all Johns Hopkins students.
• University Health Services (UHS): 410-955-3250
• Mental Health Services : 410-955-1892
• Johns Hopkins Student Assistance Program (JHSAP): 443-287-7000. Serves graduate, medical, and professional students, and immediate family members.

Hopkins Non-confidential Resources

• Hopkins Sexual Assault Response and Prevention website
• Campus Safety and Security : 410-516-7777
• Office of LGBTQ Life : [email protected]
• Office of Institutional Equity : 410-516-8075
• Office of the Dean of Student Life : 410-516-8208

Peer-Led Resources

• Sexual Assault Resource Unit (SARU): Private hotline: 410-516-7887. Serves all Johns Hopkins students.
• A Place to Talk (available on Zoom). Serves Homewood undergrads.

Community Resources

• TurnAround Inc. Hotline : 443-279-0379
• Rape, Abuse, and Incest, National Network : National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
• Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault (MCASA)
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It's Time To express Yourself

Long-term relationships: 13 challenges & how-to overcome them.

Being in love and having someone to share your life with is great. It gives you the opportunity to build a lasting bond on a solid foundation. You share experiences, have fun, and overcome obstacles. But, no matter how unpredictable life can be, eventually, all relationships get stale. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a couple, thruple, or polyamorous relationship, you may need to find ways to keep the excitement alive.

At some point relationship fatigue sets in or it feels like something is missing and you start to wonder if there might be something better out there. Arguments may even come more easily. It’s easy to get stuck in the abyss of imaging a perfect relationship or perfect life when day-to-day responsibilities wear you down. We see characters on TV or read about them in books, and even if we know that it’s fiction, we can’t help but get lost in the fantasy.

According to Dr. Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., there are some things we can do to keep the spark alive as the years tick on in a relationship. We need to be able to laugh, have new experiences, be generous with our love, and communicate openly. It’s also important to make sure either partner doesn’t lose themselves as individuals.

Common long-term relationship challenges and tips to work through them.

1. Questioning your relationship is normal.

Maybe life isn’t going exactly as planned or you’ve noticed a habit of your partners that drives you completely insane. Whatever it may be, at some point, we all question if this is really the person we are going to spend the rest of our life with. The pressure of a lifetime together is a lot. If find yourself questioning if your significant other is really "the one", try imaging a future without them. If that future looks bleak, you’ll know the doubt is worth pushing through. 

2. Settling into a routine that feels boring.

At the beginning of a relationship the unknown keeps the excitement alive, and as time goes on that uncertainty fades and you settle into a routine. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can get a bit dull. Combat relationship routine fatigue by trying new things together. This could be as simple as agreeing to try a new restaurant once or week or as extreme as going sky diving. Taking a trip can break the monotony too. Figure out the level of excitement that suits everybody and plan something to shake up the routine.

3. Allowing sex to become an afterthought.

Lack of sex and loss of intimacy are very real issues for a lot of people in relationships. Especially when day-to-day responsibilities take priority over everything else. Research suggests that the frequency of sexual activity decreases with declining health, biological aging, and habituation to sex. This relates significantly to the duration of the relationship.

Even for younger couples, sexual activity and satisfaction drop over time. Just like you carve out time in your day to shower and eat, you might have to plan time to get laid regularly.

If sex has become methodic or non-existent, try role-playing. It might be a little rough to get started, see the clip of Phil and Claire from Modern Family on their first role-playing date below, but the experience will breathe life into a mundane sex life if you let it.

4. Petty arguments can cause long-term harm.

Is it really worth repeating that the toilet seat is up for the 100th time? Probably not. Each person comes into a relationship with their own strengths and in a best-case scenario those strengths balance each other out. Everyone has personal habits and they don’t always make sense to other people so try to avoid ridiculing your partner for something they may be doing without even realizing it.

Habits are hard to build and even harder to break. Petty arguments can lead to heated words which could cause lasting harm. It’s a lot easier to let the little things go than to risk hurting the person you love.

“Maybe I’m an idiot, but you’re definitely an idiot so I guess we’re both married to idiots. At least we have that in common.” – Me, having a petty marital argument with my husband.

5. Criticism is easy to come by so make compliments a priority.

It's easy to be critical of someone else when you’re living with them and while you may have the best of intentions or think you are helping them to see their flaws, real damage can be done to your significant other's morale and confidence. Criticism is going to happen because we just can’t help ourselves when we get comfortable with someone to remove our filter and point out the things we notice. Be aware of it, apologize if necessary, and make it a point to drop compliments regularly so your love knows just how great they are.  

6. Major conflicts will lead to trouble if they go unresolved.

It’s important to talk about the big issues as there are things that will put stress on any relationship. Common issues that can lead to major conflicts are clashing over how to handle finances, lack of trust, snooping, being on different levels, and differing opinions on hot button issues. Any disagreement that seems to come up repeatedly will lead to unresolved tension that can affect other areas of your relationship.

For example, you might not want to have a date night if you think your partner is spending too recklessly and in turn, they may see this as you not wanting to spend time with them.

Communication is key with any major dispute. Yell at each other if you have, bottling up anger will only lead to even bigger blowouts later and if you let it fester too long you may never want to let it go. Talk the issue to death, set aside time for it if you have to, just don’t let it sit unresolved. Be honest and open, and speak with “I” statements to convey how the situation makes you feel.

7. The silent treatment feels like winning, but really everybody loses.

The good old silent treatment. I don’t know who came up with this doosey or if it naturally occurred with evolution as people got tired of yelling about the same old nonsense, but it’s a recipe for disaster. When the yelling stops and an issue still hasn’t been resolved, the only course of action seems to be not speaking at all. Stonewalling never works. How long it lasts in any given situation depends on how stubborn the parties involved are. The silent treatment does damage to your relationship and can put other live-in family members in the awkward position of being in the middle.

My husband and I have gone down this road a few times, usually, the tension gets broken by us speaking to the dog with off-hand comments about one another (see #4 about petty arguments, lol). A better way to break the tension is with a smile, hug, or gentle touch. Eventually, you are going to speak to each other again so might as well get to it sooner rather than later.

8. Unwillingness to let go of things that happened in the past.

Everybody has a past, that past includes time before they were in a relationship and time spent in the relationship. We have all done things and some of those things we may just want to forget. If this sounds like the person you love, then stop bringing up those past issues. If the issue is something you previously dealt with in your relationship and has since resolved, then there is no point in dwelling on it.

You're hurting yourself by reliving the past pain and your partner by not allowing them to move on from the wrong. If something happened before your relationship, bringing it up could break the trust built as your partner will feel like opening up to you is only giving you ammo to put them down.

9. You should be growing together, not growing apart.

As a relationship progresses it will be natural for the people in the relationship to change and evolve. Growing together is part of the glue that holds a relationship together. Even if the changes are somewhat different, as long as all parties are on the same path forward, these slight changes won’t rock the boat.

Problems arise with changes when they start to divide that path forward with one partner feeling like they are being left behind. Watch out for potential forks in the road by communicating regularly about how things are going and where you see yourselves and the relationship headed.

10. It’s easy to take your love for granted when it seems so constant.

You feel safe, secure, and stable. If you have a busy life, making it to bed together each night may seem like enough, but not spending enough time together can weaken your bond over time. It’s important to carve out that one on one time to make sure your connection remains steadfast as the years tick on.

11. Spending too much time together will cause you to lose yourself.

Common interests keep love alive, however, this shouldn’t come at the price of a person’s individuality. One of the major red flags is not having friendships outside of your relationship. Make sure that you spend some time apart and doing things with other friends. This also gives you something new to talk about when you’re back together as you can regale your beau with tales of all the fun you had.

12. Temptation exists, and it’s what you do with that temptation that matters.

You may be in an open relationship so the ability to act on temptation is allowed. If you’re not, know that it is completely normal to be attracted to people outside of your relationship and what matters is that you don’t give in to those urges. You don’t have to tell your partner either which can lead to hurt feelings or feeling like they don’t stack up. Let the temptation pass and remind yourself that you have something much better than whatever a quick fling might give you.

13. Comparing your relationship to other people will only lead to disaster.

No two people are alike and by that same token, no two relationships are alike. It’s easy to look at someone else’s union from an outsider's perspective and view it as perfect, but that is rarely the case. There is plenty that you can’t see behind closed doors and social media is only giving you part of the story. It’s okay to ask other people in relationships for advice if you need it, but make sure to keep one-to-one comparisons out of it. If you want to compare anything, compare your relationship against itself over time.  

Here’s a guide from The Gottam Institute that touches on some of the issues mentioned above. The Four Horsemen refers to the most destructive behaviors that can destroy a long-term relationship.

Ways to make your long-term relationship a priority and keep your partner(s) from feeling neglected:

• Make an effort to make your partner feel special even if it’s just a small gesture. Not everything has to be over the top, sometimes something as simple as refilling the toilet paper holder when your spouse usually does it can show them that you care.

• Schedule a regular date night. It doesn’t have to be every week, but regularly enough to get out and spend some time “dating”. Rekindle that early relationship excitement by planning a fun day or evening out once in a while.
• Talk about your goals and work toward them together.
• Be open to change as your love evolves and you learn new things. Grow together.
• Communicate regularly, discuss things that are bugging you before they turn into bigger issues, and talk about things that are going well. Make sure to listen when it’s your partner’s turn to speak.
• Respect each other.
• Be willing to forgive. Some things take time to get over, but in order to move forward in a healthy way, you have to be willing to forgive your significant other for mistakes. Let's be clear, mistakes are something like bleaching your black clothes or breaking your favorite vase, and not things like cheating or abuse.
• Not every moment is going to be happy so look for joy even when things get rough. Even if life isn’t going exactly as planned or if you’ve hit a rough patch in your relationship, try to find the happy moments and remember this too shall pass.
• Have a lot of fun together!

Whatever your current relationship status may be, take the time to nurture that bond. Spend time checking in with each other and get excited about sharing new experiences together. Don’t forget to spend some time getting naked too! Sometimes that’s the best way to break the tension during a petty fight.

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• Essay Database >
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• Essay on Performance

Essay On Long-Term Relationship

Type of paper: Essay

Topic: Performance , Politics , Government , Company , Contract , Money , Organization , Award

Words: 1800

Published: 03/05/2020

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With the aid and use of robotics in the mechanical department, the company was in a position to implement and take ideas from conceptual phases to full production in a short period. That meant that the company was ready to not only expand, but also compete for government contracts for exceptional products they would implement. However, for the companies make that a reality, it had to implement and adopt various contracting financing techniques (Newell, 2008). To start with, contract financing, well-defined as the funds transfer from a company that was awarded a contract to the contractor who is the owner of the project. The funds transfer would take the form of advance payments, interim payments, performance based payments, and progress payments. In other words, it was a scheme that was designed specifically to costume the needs of companies that were pursuing financing for a specific contract awarded from the government at a competitive rate (Mukri, 2004). It is from that rationale that this paper will endeavor at elucidating and giving further details on the effects the different approaches used to contract financing would have on a company as well as determining the best approach that would suit an organization. In addition, the paper will be expounding the approaches an organization would require to exist before a government quality would be met.

How the different approaches to contract financing can impact the company

The advance payment is one of the methods or approach used to contract financing having some influence on the company. They include the advance money by the government to the main company that was awarded the contract for the purpose of attaining the performance required. They ought to be liquidated from payments since they are not measured by performance making them different from partial, progress, or other forms of payments of a contract. Progress payments as well bear an influence on the company in that they are made on the grounds that they are incurred by the contracting companies as they continue working on the projects assigned to them (Burman, 2008). However, they do not include other payments that are based on the percentage or payments for partial deliveries that are accepted by government that awarded the contracts. Loan guarantees that are made by the Federal Reserve banks have an influence on the company. That happens since the payments made by the Federal banks enable the companies that have the contract to have access finances from private sources that would be used for the acquisition of services and supplies for the work progress (O’Brien, & Revell, 2005). Partial payments are as well accepted by the companies that were awarded the contracts. In the process, they influence on the supplies and services that stated within the contract during the signing process. Worth noting also about the partial payment is the fact that apart from being a method of payment, but it becomes a method that makes it possible for the contractors to take part in other Government contracts with or without minimal contract financing in the future (Burman, 2008). That becomes possible when the contracts are designed to permit acceptable standards of payment for discrete portions of their tasks once they are awarded the tender by the government. Worth mentioning also is the progress payment since it does influence on how the company awarded the tender conducts its work (Chapin & Fetter, 2002). They influence the company by ensuring that payments are commensurate with the work that they ought to accomplish in the long run.

The best contract financing approach that will best suit the organizational needs

There are various payments that were used in contracting financing as expounded within the paper, and they all are favorable to different companies for different reasons as well. Based on the company’s needs and requirements, the performance-based payment approach would be preferable. That was based on various reasons starting from the scope of the method, to the policy, as well as the standards that were used for the same. Starting for the scope of the payment approach, it was deduced that the method provides policy and procedures that the payment will adhere to under noncommercial purchases as indicated at Subpart 32.1. The other reasons why the method was advantageous to the company leading to its selection was the fact that they are recovered fully in case a default event takes place (Burman, 2008). Similarly, the approach does not include contracts that were awarded through sealed bid procedures, contracts for engineering services or construction, and payments under cost-reimbursement items. The other reason why the contract financing approach best suits the organizational needs and requirements would be traced to the methods criteria of use and application. Under the payment approach, it the contracting managers are allowed to use the method as long as; the contracting manager and the government representative agree on the preference-based payment terms. That implies that the payment will be tailored made for them only rather than following the premeditated payment procedures that would not cover their special needs. In addition to that, the contract as well as the individual order is all fixed-price type acting as an added advantage that the method offers to the contractors (Chapin & Fetter, 2002). The procedures that are to be followed are also advantageous to the company based on the fact that the method may be made either on a whole contract or on a deliverable item basis. Other advantages attributed to the performance based contracting approach, and also explaining why it was preferred. For instance, they utilize alternative and innovative service delivery approach as well as enabling the contracting them achieve higher levels of performance of the contractors (Burman, 2008). Likewise, they allow the governments to decrease the time and efforts spend on contract monitoring; the contractors allow additional compensation and contract extensions for the achievement of superior performance; the approach also allows the governments to minimize service delivery costs. That was because they were only meant to pay for the performance that was achieved or attained.

Policies the organization will need due to presence of The Defense Contract Audit Agency

There are numerous policies that ought to be ascertained for the organization that will be due to presence of The Defense Contract Audit Agency (DCAA). Importantly, the policies and procedures are those that are documented in DoD 54700. In addition to those encompassed therein, the DCAA ought to ensure and promote public confidence and expectation. That it does through offering maximum information to the various companies upon request and pertaining to the operation and activities of the contracting company (Chapin & Fetter, 2002). The other policy that the organization will require in the process of dealing with The Defense Contract Audit Agency (DCAA) was the permission of accessing records from the agency something that it does through the public services without the petitioning the Freedom of Information Act (FIOA). At the same time, the information given out was meant to follow certain procedures that were established by the DCAAP (Burman, 2008). Further policies the organization might need due to presence of DCAA would include a certificate of worthiness that ought to be prepared by the contracting officer. The agency will as well evaluate the relevant data that will include other relevant information that will be placed on the contractor’s financial status and their performance.

Aspects or elements the organization will need in place due to the government’s need for quality

There are various aspects or elements that an organization ought to sort out before the government opts to consider them for a contract. For instance, the contracting officer representing the company ought to have specific type of security that the government will accept. That implies that in case the government requires more in form of security, the contracting representative should be in a position to present them since it ensure that the company might secure the contract (O’Brien, & Revell, 2005). In addition, the contracting officer ought to ensure that the security that they will present to the government will be almost equal to the maximum amount that will be offered. However, the security might be adjustable in the process of enacting the contract when need arises. Other eligibility aspects that the company ought to put in place to qualify for a government contract include but not limited to a certificate of eligibility that is acquired from the relevant sources. For example, if the contract that the company is aiming to get is from the department of defense, the certificate in question ought to be offered by the national defense departments. In additional to that, the company must ensure that they have no practicable alternative source for their acquisition without prejudice to the department to which the company is trying to get a contract from (Chapin & Fetter, 2002). Moreover, the companies technical abilities to implement the contract that they are aiming at getting, that would ensure that they will get an opportunity to secure the contract. Worth mentioning also is the fact that the company ought to ensure that they have the willingness and capabilities in terms of resources and facilities to enable the company implement the contract to the fullest in the given deadline (Burman, 2008). In closing, the paper has without a doubt expounded on the contract financing. It started by defining contract financing as a scheme that was designed specifically to costume the needs of companies that were pursuing financing for a specific contract awarded from the government at a competitive rate. The paper goes on to expound how different features the payment approaches to contract financing can impact on a company clearing any doubts that an individual might have had initially (Chapin & Fetter, 2002). Moreover, a contract financing approach that was deemed to best suit an organizational needs where performance-based payment approach was opted for reasons for which are deliberated herein. The various policies the organization will need due to presence of The Defense Contract Audit Agency as well were discussed and in the process, it was determined which among the approaches the organization was to put in place due to the government’s need for quality.

Burman, A. (2008).Six Practical Steps to Improve Contracting. Washington, DC: IBM Center for the Business of Government. Chapin, J. & Fetter, B. (2002). “Performance-Based Contracting in Wisconsin Public Health: Transforming State - Local Relations.” The Milbank Quarterly 80 (1):1-16. Federal Acquisition Regulation (n.d.) Retrieved on 12th June 2014;from http://www.acquisition.gov/far/ Mukri, I. (2004). Project management professional (PMP): The fundamentals. Kanata, Ont.: Beacon Associates Publications. Newell, E. (2008). “Performance-Based Contracting.” Government Executive Retrieved on 12th June 2014; from www.nextgov.com/the_basics/tb_20080605_4625.php O’Brien, D. & Revell, G. (2005). “The Milestone Payment System: Results Based Funding in Vocational Rehabilitation- 2005.” Journal of Vocational Rehabilitation 23:101:114.

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Long-Term Couples Share Wisdom on the Keys to Relationship Success

Posted: March 5, 2024 | Last updated: March 5, 2024

When it comes to love and companionship, couples who have happy relationships that have stood the test of time often have wisdom to share. Their experiences offer invaluable insights into maintaining a lasting and fulfilling relationship. Here are keys to long-lasting relationships shared by people who’ve experienced them.

Respecting Individual Space

In healthy relationships, respecting each other’s need for personal space and individual interests is vital. Spending every moment together isn’t necessary for a strong bond and isn’t realistic. For instance, one partner might enjoy video games, while the other prefers gym workouts. Having distinct hobbies allows each person to maintain their individuality and brings more to share and discuss within the relationship. It’s about balancing together time and personal time, ensuring both partners feel fulfilled and respected.

Love as a Conscious Decision

Long-lasting relationships often hinge on the understanding that love is more than a feeling. Experienced couples suggest consciously loving your partner through good and bad days. The tricky part of this approach is acting lovingly even when emotions are tumultuous and allowing your actions to guide your feelings rather than being led by them. But this level of commitment fosters a stable, enduring love that isn’t shaken by temporary moods or challenges.

Distinguishing Concerns From Red Flags

It’s important to recognize that not every concern in a relationship is a dire warning sign or a red flag. People are inherently different, and these differences can lead to disagreements or misunderstandings. Experienced couples advise identifying genuine red flags while understanding that minor irritations or differing views are a normal part of any relationship. This perspective helps maintain a realistic and healthy view of your partner and the relationship.

The Power of Communication and Trust

A common thread among healthy long-lasting relationships is effective communication, particularly during disagreements. Instead of avoiding confrontation, successful couples address issues directly, discuss their feelings honestly, and work together to find solutions. This openness extends to trust as well. Such couples often have a strong friendship at their core, sharing everything and enjoying each other’s company, yet they still maintain their independence.

Understanding and Speaking Love Languages

Learning and speaking each other’s love languages can greatly enhance a relationship. Everyone wants to be loved differently. Partners must recognize and respond to your partner’s unique emotional needs. The goal is not to love them the way you prefer to be loved but to understand and embrace how they perceive love. It’s the only way both partners feel truly valued and understood, deepening their emotional connection.

Alignment in Relationship Goals

When entering a relationship, being clear about your intentions and long-term goals is crucial. This clarity is particularly important in matters like marriage or building a family. Couples who share a similar understanding and purpose, whether it’s related to personal beliefs, family aspirations, or life goals, tend to create a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship. This alignment helps partners support each other, compensate for each other’s weaknesses, and work together towards common objectives.

Embracing Love as a Choice

Viewing love as a choice rather than just a spontaneous emotion is a fundamental principle for lasting relationships. This mindset involves actively choosing to love your partner every day, regardless of circumstances. It’s about commitment, understanding, and a willingness to work through challenges together. According to experienced couples, couples who are intentional about choosing love can always build a resilient, enduring bond that withstands the test of time and life’s curve balls.

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Long-Term Risks and Possible Benefits Associated with Late Adolescent Romantic Relationship Quality

Jessica kansky.

1 Department of Psychology, University of Virginia, Charlottesville, VA, USA

Joseph P. Allen

Adolescent romantic relationships have the potential to affect psychological functioning well into adulthood. This study assessed adolescent romantic relationship qualities as long-term predictors of psychological functioning utilizing a longitudinal multi-method, multi-informant study of 80 participants (59% female; 54% Caucasian, 35% African American, 11% mixed or other race) assessed at age 17 along with their romantic partners and at ages 25–27. Controlling for gender, family income, and baseline mental health, partner-reported hostile conflict at age 17 predicted relative increases in internalizing behaviors from age 17 to 27. In contrast, observed teen support with their partner during a help-seeking task at age 17 predicted relative decreases in externalizing behaviors over time. The results are interpreted as suggesting qualities that may help determine whether adolescent romances have positive vs. negative long-term psychological health implications.

Introduction

Late adolescent romantic relationships have potentially long-lasting implications both for future romantic relationships and well-being. Teen dating has been linked to both beneficial outcomes and problematic correlates. Developmentally, young adults who report a history of dating experience beginning in adolescence report better adjustment and mental health in young adulthood ( Collibee and Furman 2015 ; Raley et al. 2007 ; Seiffge-Krenke 2003 ). Alternatively, those teens who abstain from dating into young adulthood tend to report lower self-worth and greater mental distress ( Lehnart et al. 2010 ; Rauer et al. 2013 ). Conversely, dating in adolescence has been linked to the onset of depression and anxiety ( Joyner and Udry 2000 ; Zimmer-Gembeck et al. 2001 ), increased substance use ( Davies and Windle 2000 ; Thomas and Hsiu 1993 ), and poor academic performance ( Zimmer-Gembeck et al. 2001 ). Yet, little is known about the qualities of early relationships that lead to greater well-being, as opposed to poorer adjustment, during the transition to adulthood. This paper examines the hypothesis that it is not the presence of romantic relationships in adolescence that explains future positive or negative outcomes so much as it is the quality of those relationships.

The growing salience of intimate relationships during the transition to adulthood highlights the need to address markers of earlier healthy romantic relationships in adolescence that may contribute to future well-being ( Connolly et al. 2014 ; Roisman et al. 2004 ). Adolescents may benefit from high quality romantic relationships because these provide a sense of identity and autonomy to the developing teen. Alternatively, adolescents in unhealthy, conflict-ridden relationships may develop problematic relationship schema or engage in unhealthy romantic patterns that worsen psychosocial functioning over time ( Connolly and Konarski 1994 ). Although romantic experiences first come online earlier in adolescence, it is by late adolescence, when these experiences have gained significant intensity and duration, that teens may be most susceptible to their effects ( Connolly et al. 2014 ; Montgomery 2005 ; Seiffge-Krenke 2003 ). Teens’ expectations of relationships are becoming established during this period, and negative experiences at this stage appear likely to carry forward into future relationships and contribute to worsening psychological functioning over time. However, without the skills, strategies, or points of comparison useful in managing romantic experiences, teens may suffer increased mental distress due to these deficits when faced with challenging dating situations. The consequences of this lack of romantic knowledge or these negative experiences may be especially compounded by the increased impact of romantic relationships on well-being throughout late adolescence and early adulthood.

Developmental Theory of Romantic Relationships

Initiating and maintaining romantic relationships emerge as prime developmental tasks during late adolescence, but the roots of these experiences begin even earlier. Romantic involvement increases throughout adolescence with 36% of 13-year olds and 70% of 18-year olds reporting a romantic relationship within the past 18 months ( Carver et al. 2003 ; Smetana et al. 2006 ). Across adolescence, romantic relationships evolve from engaging in mixed-gender peer groups to group dates in early adolescence (age 12–14) and from casual dating to an exclusive, steady involvement with one partner during mid (age 15–16) to late (age 17–19) adolescence ( Connolly and Goldberg 1999 ; Feiring 1999 ). The importance teens place on their romantic lives increases throughout adolescence as romantic relationships become more intimate and salient to self-esteem and identity ( Buhrmester 1996 ; Furman and Wehner 1994 ; Montgomery 2005 ). Late adolescence in particular is a period of intense romantic involvement with the potential to impact mental health trajectories as these relationships take on increasing relevance to identity and well-being.

Although romantic experiences in early adolescence are more strongly linked to problematic psychosocial functioning and to risky behaviors such as increased delinquency, alcohol use, and sexual activity, these links decrease in magnitude for romantic experiences that occur in late adolescence ( Davies and Windle 2000 ; Neemann et al. 1995 ). Indeed, those who date early and have multiple partners have poorer relationship quality over time ( Collins 2003 ). This suggests that perhaps by late adolescence, teens have developed better coping and social skills useful in successfully navigating intimate relationships that early adolescents lack. Adolescents who date regularly during mid and late adolescence have a stronger self-image compared to those who abstain from dating or cut back on dating ( Connolly and Johnson 1993 ; Seiffge–Krenke 2003 ). Delayed transition to dating in early adulthood has also been linked to problematic outcomes such as low self-esteem, poor mental health, and lower romantic competence ( Lehnart et al. 2010 ; Rauer et al. 2013 ). Thus, romantic exploration is often considered an emerging developmental task in late adolescence and early adulthood that becomes increasingly tied to well-being, reflecting this critical window of romantic involvement ( Roisman et al. 2004 ; Schulenberg et al. 2004 ). A developmental approach towards understanding romantic relationships ( Collins 2003 ) suggests a closer examination of the impact of engaging in romantic relationships during late adolescence on the development of mental health functioning.

Romantic Relationships and Mental Health

Teen dating has been linked to a range of negative outcomes, from discrete problems (e.g., pregnancy, sexual and physical abuse) ( Zimmer–Gembeck et al. 2004 ) to broader developmental concerns (e.g., poor emotional health, poor academic performance, and substance use) ( Davies and Windle 2000 ; Furman and Collins 2008 ; Thomas and Hsiu 1993 ). Dating especially in early adolescence is also associated with depressive, anxiety, and eating disorder symptoms ( Joyner and Udry 2000 ; La Greca et al. 2008 ; Starr et al. 2012 ), and externalizing behaviors ( Zimmer–Gembeck et al. 2001 ). Others have pointed to first dissolution rather than first relationship involvement as accounting for increased depression for dating teens ( Davila et al. 2004 ; Monroe et al. 1999 ). Yet, many of these negative outcomes are assessed concurrently and simply compare those in a relationship to those who are not.

Given the theoretical argument that initiating and maintaining romantic relationships during late adolescence is healthy, more recent research has found benefits of engaging in this normative developmental task in late adolescence. High quality adolescent romantic relationships have been linked to a range of psychosocial benefits including general competence, self-worth, self-esteem, and social support ( Masten et al. 1995 ), positive commitment in early adult relationships and higher quality early adult relationships ( Raley et al. 2007 ; Seiffge–Krenke 2003 ), and fewer internalizing and externalizing behaviors ( Collibee and Furman 2015 ; Van Dulmen et al. 2008 ). Relationship qualities such as emotional security, companionship, conflict, and overall satisfaction emerge as predictors of well-being and happiness in adult romantic relationships ( Demir 2008 , 2010 ; House et al. 1988 ). However, whether the same positive qualities within adult romantic relationships are similarly predictive of mental health if experienced in adolescent romantic relationships has not been directly assessed.

The findings of negative correlates of teen dating, in the midst of contradictory evidence that engaging in dating during late adolescence is healthy, suggest a need for closer inspection of what occurs within dating relationships that might account for positive vs. problematic outcomes. From a developmental perspective, it may be that positive experiences in romantic relationships (i.e., high support, healthy communication and conflict management, and intimacy) when relationships are just beginning to come online benefit individuals by offering healthy working models of intimate relationships useful as intimacy becomes a salient developmental task during the transition to adulthood. Indeed, adolescents’ relationship experience (both presence and quality) contributes to their romantic self-concept ( Connolly and Konarksi 1994 ; Harter 1999 ), which becomes a significant component of general competence by late adolescence ( Masten et al. 1995 ). Thus, high quality romantic relationships during adolescence may act counter to the pattern of negative outcomes associated with teen dating. However, there is little empirical evidence available to assess long-term outcomes for teen relationships that are of high quality and little attention towards defining high quality romantic relationships during adolescence. Without such research, teens and their parents may be left with an erroneous impression that all teen dating relationships are problematic.

Romantic Relationship Quality: Conflict, Communication, and Support

Beyond romantic initiation age, research has begun considering specific relationship qualities of teen couples that are linked to future psychosocial functioning. The most common characteristic studied within teen dating is conflict. Adolescents report more conflict with their romantic partners than with their friends or parents ( Furman and Shomaker 2008 ) and up to one-half of adolescents report psychological aggression in romantic relationships ( Halpern et al. 2004 ; Jouriles et al. 2005 ). Dating aggression is linked in turn to adolescent distress ( Jouriles et al. 2009 ). La Greca and Harrison (2005) found that negatively charged romantic interactions, not simply the presence of a romantic relationship, predict depression for adolescents. This suggests that perhaps it is not involvement in romantic relationships in adolescence that is linked to problematic outcomes, but rather specific negative relationship qualities. Further, these results imply that hostile conflict might predict long-term, not just short-term, negative outcomes for adolescents, but this idea has not yet been directly tested.

Problematic conflict management appears to be one such quality with potential to explain the effects of romantic relationship involvement. Yet, it may not be just hostile or conflictual styles that are important. Adolescents who concede more to their partner during a conflict appear more likely to have poorer communication in relationships and higher levels of depression ( Harper and Welsh 2007 ). Self-silencing behavior in romantic conflicts (i.e., concealing anger or feelings from a partner during conflict to avoid more conflict) also appears among rejection-sensitive adolescents who in turn report greater depression ( Harper et al. 2006 ). These findings suggest that adolescents who are unable to communicate effectively and efficiently with their partner during a disagreement are more likely to experience negative consequences associated with conflict, but this has yet to be empirically-assessed.

Romantic partner support may be especially influential on the development of mental health symptoms, as adolescents are increasingly turning to romantic partners, instead of parents or friends, for support ( Furman and Shomaker 2008 ). Peer and parental support has been strongly tied to mental health and well-being during adolescence ( Helsen et al. 2000 ; Steinberg 2001 ; Young et al. 2005 ). Yet, whether support from a romantic partner during adolescence carries similar psychological benefits has been vastly understudied. One possible exception is a recent study that links receiving support from a romantic partner to increased relationship quality ( Poulsen 2016 ). As romantic partners gain in importance to teens’ sense of identity throughout adolescence and into adulthood, whether receiving high quality support from a partner in these early relationships impacts mental health symptoms warrants closer inspection. Overall, there is little evidence evaluating whether conflict-ridden relationships, conflict management techniques, and support within adolescent romantic relationships have long-lasting links to mental health, even though these qualities are likely to contribute to teens’ working models of intimate relationships.

Gender and Romantic Relationships

The effects of relationship qualities may well also differ for male vs. female adolescents. Females tend to experience stronger benefits from close relationships as compared to males ( Cross and Madson 1997 ; Saphire-Bernstein and Taylor 2013 ). Yet, males experience greater distress following stressful events within romantic relationships (i.e., divorce) as compared to females ( Colburn et al. 1992 ; Kitson 1992 ). Adolescent boys also tend to view their romantic relationships as less intimate compared to girls, which is consistent with findings of females’ greater awareness, importance, and value of close relationships ( Connolly and Johnson 1996 ; Haugen et al. 2008 ). In addition, adolescent females appear influenced by their partners to engage in deviant behavior more so than teen males, providing further evidence of an attunement difference across genders ( Haynie et al. 2005 ). Because gender differences may exist in the experience of romantic relationships and subsequent psychosocial functioning, attention to gender in exploring the role of early romantic experiences as a catalyst for change in mental health is warranted. Thus, whether and to what extent males and females may experience dating differently is important to assess in romantic relationship analyses.

Current Study

This study utilized longitudinal, observational, multi-reporter data within a diverse community sample of male and female adolescents to explore the overarching hypothesis that it is the quality, not presence, of romantic relationships in adolescence that accounts for the development of mental distress over time. Prior developmental theories and findings indicate that adolescent romantic relationships are central to psychosocial development, yet the qualities within these relationships that are key markers of whether romantic experiences have positive or negative implications for mental health is vastly understudied.

Specifically, we hypothesize that the escalation of psychological symptoms for dating teens may be linked primarily to the hostile conflict within relationships rather than simply to the presence of a romantic relationship (Hypothesis 1). High conflict teen relationships may predict the development of unhealthy coping skills and relationship schemas, which are detrimental to mental health over time. We also hypothesize that in contrast, the presence of highly supportive romantic relationships in adolescence will predict relative decreases in problematic behaviors and potentially buffer against the escalation of depressive and anxious symptoms through the transition to adulthood (Hypothesis 2). Given evidence that highly supportive close relationships with others can lead to improved mental health and of the increasing support adolescents seek from their romantic partners, we believe that early supportive romantic experiences can benefit mental health over time. Teens with highly supportive partners may learn positive communication and coping strategies, develop healthy relationship schemas, and engage in adaptive conflict management styles that decrease mental distress.

Participants

Data were drawn from a larger longitudinal study of adolescent social development. For the purposes of this analysis, we chose to focus on two time points of data collection: Time 1 is age 17 which is the earliest wave of data collection for romantic relationship assessments. Time 2 we define as the aggregate of ages 25, 26, and 27 which are the latest three waves of data collection. The final sample of 80 participants (33 males and 47 females) was drawn from an initial sample of 184 individuals. This subset of 80 participants only includes those participants who had a romantic partner who also participated in the study at age 17. The target participant sample of 80 participants was diverse in terms of race, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status: 54% identified as Caucasian, 35% as African American, 8% as mixed race/ethnicity and 3% as other. Adolescents’ parents reported a median family income around $50,000. In addition, 58% of the teens’ mothers were married, 14% single, 11% divorced, and 17% reported other (separated, widowed, or living with partner). The subset of 80 participants who endorsed being in a romantic relationship and had a partner willing to participate were similar demographically to the sample at large (all 184 participants). The full sample’s demographics are as follows: 58% identified as Caucasian, 29% as African American, 8% as mixed race/ethnicity and 5% as other. Adolescents’ parents reported a similar median family income around $50,000. In addition, 63% of the teens’ mothers were married, 14.4% divorced, 9.8% single, and 13.2% reported other (separated, widowed, or living with partner). In adulthood at age 25, about 50% of the participants obtained a high school diploma or less: 6% had some high school education, 12% obtained a GED, and 31% received a high school diploma with no significant differences between those in a relationship at age 17 compared to the overall sample.

At age 17 (Age: M =17.29; SD =.93), participants completed questionnaires assessing relationships and mental health. If adolescents were in a romantic relationship lasting two months or longer at any point during ages 17–19, they were asked to provide contact information for their partner. Participants with a romantic partner who also participated during this data collection period were on average age 17 (Age: M =17.38). A total of 80 participants endorsed being in a romantic relationship (all heterosexual) of at least two months and provided contact information for their partner who agreed to participate in the questionnaire-based part of the study. Informed assent for the adolescents along with informed consent from the parents were obtained before each interview session until age 18 at which point participants provided informed consent. Informed assent and consent for the romantic partners were obtained as age appropriate as well.

Participants and romantic partners were mailed packets of questionnaires with return envelopes so they could complete the measures on their own time and then return them to the lab. In addition, a subset of 61 adolescents along with their romantic partners participated in a 6-minute video-recorded supportive behavior task in which they asked their partner for help with a “problem they were having that they could use some support or advice about.” Romantic partners were slightly older than the target participants on average (Age: M = 18.55, SD = 2.68) and relationships were approximately 15 months in duration ( M = 15.17, SD = 14.02). Follow-up data were obtained for 76 of the initial 80 participants at age 25 (Age: M = 25.35, SD = 0.91), 26 (Age: M = 26.64, SD = 1.01), and 27 (Age: M = 27.51, SD = 0.94).

Attrition Analyses

Attrition analyses indicated that those participants who did not complete all assessments across time points (i.e., ages 17 and 25–27) were more likely to be male ( p < 0.01). No other differences in our variables of interest were found. We also completed attrition analyses for participants who participated in the observational task with a romantic partner and those who completed surveys only and did not participate in the task. There were no significant differences in measures of interest. Analyses comparing participants who had a romantic partner at age 17 (the subset of 80 participants used in the following analyses) compared to those who were single or had a partner who did not participate revealed no significant differences in measures of interest or demographics.

Of the 80 individuals who participated at age 17 with a romantic partner, 61 individuals had a partner who participated in the observed supportive behavior task. Data were available at ages 25–27 for 76 participants for self –reported psychological health outcomes. In order to best address any potential biases due to missing data within waves or attrition in longitudinal analyses, Full Information Maximum Likelihood (FIML) methods were utilized for all analyses, including all variables that were linked to future missing data (i.e., where data were not missing completely at random). These procedures have been found to provide the least biased estimates when all available data are used for longitudinal analyses ( Arbuckle 1996 ). Thus, all analyses reflect the entire sample available; specifically, this means the full sample of 80 adolescents was used for all analyses. Using the full sample provides the best possible estimates of variances and covariances in measures of interest, while also reducing the likelihood of bias due to missing data. No data are estimated or imputed in this approach. Alternative longitudinal analyses using only those adolescents without missing data yielded results that were substantially identical to those reported below.

At age 17, participants completed questionnaires to assess their individual health and well-being including measures for both internalizing and externalizing symptoms. These measures are included as covariates in all analyses. If participants endorsed a romantic relationship of two months or longer and their partner agreed to participate, both completed questionnaires at one time point between the ages of 17 and 19. The data collected from romantic partners’ questionnaires at ages 17–19 serve as the baseline assessment for relationship qualities. In addition, couples were invited to complete an in-person laboratory visit at one point between ages 17 and 19. All interviews took place in private offices in a university academic building.

At ages 25 to 27, participants completed questionnaires annually to assess their individual mental health. In order to capture overall adult mental health, we averaged scores across these three possible waves of data collection to create an overall adulthood measure for internalizing and externalizing symptoms.

Dependent variables

Internalizing symptoms (ages 25–27): Adults at ages 25, 26, and 27 completed the Adult Self Report ( Achenbach and Rescorla 2003 ), which is a 126-item measure with internalizing, externalizing, substance use, attention problems, and thought problems subscales. Items were scored on a three-point Likert scale where 0 = not true, 1 = somewhat or sometimes true, and 2 = very true or often true. The internalizing subscale score on the Adult Self Report is composed of 32 items assessing anxiety, depression, withdrawal, and somatic complaints. Higher scores indicate greater internalizing symptoms. The development of the Adult Self Report items are validated with mental health professional raters using DSM-oriented criteria ( Achenbach et al. 2003a ). The internalizing subscale is composed of items that thus assess depressive, anxiety, and somatic problems. The average internalizing subscale score across ages 25–27 provides an aggregate measure of internalizing behaviors in adulthood. The internal consistency for this aggregated internalizing symptoms measure is considered good (Cronbach’s α = .91).

Externalizing symptoms (ages 25–27): The externalizing subscale score of the Adult Self Report is composed of 35 items assessing aggressive, rule-breaking, and intrusive behaviors. The externalizing subscale items have also been validated with mental health professional raters using DSM-oriented criteria ( Achenbach et al. 2003a ). For the purposes of our study, we calculated the mean externalizing score across ages 25–27 to represent externalizing behaviors in adulthood, which provided good internal consistency (Cronbach’s α = 0.87).

Independent variables

Partner-reported hostile conflict (age 17): Hostile conflict within romantic relationships was assessed via romantic partner report using an adapted version of the Conflict in Relationships scale at age 17 ( Wolfe et al. 1994 ). The Conflict in Relationships scale is a well-validated 80-item measure created to identify emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive behaviors of both the respondent and the respondent’s partner. All items are rated on a scale where 1 = never, 2 = rarely, 3 = sometimes, and 4 = often, such that higher scores indicate more conflict. Romantic partners completed an adapted 70-item version (i.e., excluding items about children as this was not applicable to our sample) about their current romantic relationship when the participants were age 17. Respondents report on their own behaviors towards their partner and their partner’s behaviors towards them. There is a total overall negativity subscale and positivity subscale on the Conflict in Relationships scale. For the purposes of this study, the total negativity subscale is used to assess hostile conflict in the current romantic relationship. The negativity subscale is composed of the average of the partner’s reports of their own and their partner’s abusive and harmful behaviors (54 items total). Behaviors assessed include blame, coercion, and physical and sexual abuse. The Conflict in Relationships scale has been cross-validated across high school grades and gender ( Wolfe et al. 2001 ). The items of the negativity subscale in particular have shown acceptable partner agreement, test-retest reliability, and correlation between observer ratings and measure scores ( Wolfe et al. 1994 ; Wolfe et al. 2001 ). Internal consistency of the total negativity subscale is considered very good (Cronbach’s α = .94).

Observed support (age 17): Adolescents and their romantic partners participated in a supportive behavior task in which they were asked to discuss a problem they were having and wanted advice about. The task was videotaped and lasted 6 minutes total. The videotapes were then coded using the Supportive Behavior Coding System ( Allen et al. 2001 ) based on several other similar systems ( Crowell et al. 1998 ; Haynes and Fainsilber Katz 1998 ; Julien et al. 1997 ). Observed support was reliably coded as the extent to which the adolescents appeared to be connected and engaged with their romantic partner during the interaction based on both quantity and quality of signs of connection. Low levels of support are indicated by little eye contact, turning away from the partner, ignoring or not responding to the partner, looking bored, or interrupting the partner. High levels of support include a sincere effort to connect with the partner, finishing sentences, evidence of understanding the partner’s statements, responding with genuine interest and enthusiasm, asking open-ended questions to draw the support seeker out, following up on what the partner says, and using non-verbal cues to indicate understanding such as nodding, facing each other, and eye contact. An average of the scores provided by two trained raters blind to the rest of the data in the study comprised the supportive score for each interaction. Supportive behavior was coded reliably across raters with an intraclass correlation coefficient (ICC) value of .66 which is considered good ( Cicchetti and Sparrow 1981 ).

Internalizing symptoms (age 17): Adolescents at age 17 completed the Child Depression Inventory ( Kovacs and Beck 1977 ) which is a 27-item questionnaire used to assess depression severity. All items are rated on a 4-point scale ranging from 0–3 with higher scores indicating greater depression severity. The Child Depression Inventory has acceptable item-total score product-moment correlations, internal-reliability (split-half reliabilities, Pearson correlations of each item to the total score), test-retest reliability, and discriminant validity ( Helsel and Matson 1984 ; Kovacs and Beck 1977 ; Smucker et al. 1986 )

Adolescents also completed the Beck Anxiety Inventory at age 17 ( Beck et al. 1988 ), which is a 21-item self-report questionnaire of anxiety symptoms and is summed to provide a total anxiety score. The Beck Anxiety Inventory has shown high internal consistency, convergent and discriminant validity, and test-retest reliability and has strong support for use in an adolescent outpatient sample ( Beck et al. 1988 ; Fydrich et al. 1992 ; Steer et al. 1995 ).

A standardized average of the Child Depression Inventory and the Beck Anxiety Inventory serves as the initial baseline internalizing symptoms score for adolescents at age 17. Internal consistency for the adolescent internalizing aggregate score is considered good (Cronbach’s α = .68).

Externalizing symptoms (age 17): Adolescents at age 17 completed the Youth Self Report ( Achenbach and Edelbrock 1987 ), which includes 9 subscales with 112 total items. Items were scored on a three-point Likert scale where 0 = not true, 1 = somewhat or sometimes true, and 2 = very true or often true such that higher scores indicate more externalizing behaviors. Items from the aggression (12 items) and delinquency (6 items) scales were totaled to form an externalizing sum score. This self-reported externalizing sum score serves as the initial baseline for externalizing symptoms at age 17. Internal consistency for this adolescent externalizing measure is considered good (Cronbach’s α = .79). Items on the Youth Self Report have been cross-validated with DSM-criteria and show moderate reliabilities across cultures and ages ( Achenbach et al. 2008 ; Achenbach et al. 2003b ; Achenbach and Edelbrock, 1987 ).

Relationship duration (age 17): Adolescents at age 17 reported the duration of their current romantic relationship. Relationships were approximately 15 months in duration ( M = 15.17, SD = 14.02).

Preliminary Analyses

Univariate statistics.

Means and standard deviations for all variables examined in the study are presented in Table 1 . T-tests were conducted to examine potential gender differences in all key variables of interest. Results indicate no gender differences in any variables of interest. Adolescent gender was included as a covariate, along with family income, in all analyses below. Outliers were identified as values greater than 3.5 standard deviations away from the mean for all dependent variables. Where found, the values were trimmed using multivariate analysis ( Tabachnick and Fidell 2001 ) and analyses were re-ran. All analyses using trimmed outliers obtained substantially similar results.

Univariate statistics and intercorrelations among all variables

Correlational analyses

For descriptive purposes, Table 1 also presents the simple correlations among all variables of interest in the study.

Moderating effects

Moderation by adolescent gender and family income were assessed for all analyses by creating interaction terms based on the product of the centered main-effect variables. None of the interaction terms were significantly related to direct predictions or predictions of outcomes after accounting for baseline levels of internalizing (gender by support direct: β = −0.08, p = .91 and covarying baseline: β = −0.41, p = .51; and gender by conflict direct: β = −0.70, p = .32 and covarying baseline: β = −0.70, p = .27) or externalizing behaviors (gender by support direct: β = −0.09, p = .90 and covarying baseline: β = 0.28, p = .65; and gender by conflict direct: β = −0.76, p = .30 and covarying baseline: β = −0.42, p = .51).

Primary Analyses

Hypothesis 1.

Hostile conflict within adolescent romantic relationships will predict relative increases in internalizing and externalizing symptoms from adolescence into adulthood. A series of simple linear regressions with variables entered hierarchically (i,e., variables entered in steps) was performed to examine whether negative and abusive conflict in adolescent romantic relationships as reported by the teen’s partner predicted relative increases in internalizing and externalizing symptoms from adolescence into adulthood after accounting for gender, family income, and the initial level of mental health symptoms in adolescence. Gender and income were entered together first in all models. Second, internalizing or externalizing symptoms were entered. Third, hostile conflict and observed support (Hypothesis 1 and 2 correspondingly) were entered simultaneously. The analytic approach of predicting the future level of a variable, such as internalizing and externalizing behaviors, while accounting for predictions from initial levels of those variables, yields one marker of residualized change in that variable by allowing assessment of predictors of future symptoms while accounting for initial levels ( Cohen and Cohen 1983 ). Further, considering baseline levels of future behavior as a covariate eliminates the spurious effect whereby observed predictions are simply a result of cross-sectional associations among variables that are stable over time.

Regression results as shown in Table 2 , reveal that greater levels of romantic partner-reported dyadic hostile conflict at age 17 predicted relative increases in target participant internalizing symptoms by age 26. Hostile conflict did not significantly predict relative increases in externalizing symptoms ( Table 3 ). This suggests that teens who were in high-conflict romantic relationships in adolescence experienced relative increases in internalizing symptoms such as depression and anxiety from adolescence into adulthood.

Adolescent romantic relationship hostile conflict and support as predictors of residualized change in internalizing symptoms

Note: All β ‘s reported are the final β’s for the analysis

Adolescent romantic relationship hostile conflict and support as predictors of residualized change in externalizing symptoms

Hypothesis 2

Observed support within adolescent romantic relationships will predict relative decreases in internalizing and externalizing symptoms from adolescence into adulthood. We next examined whether observed supportive dyadic behaviors predicted relative change in internalizing and externalizing symptoms over time from adolescence into adulthood after accounting for gender, family income, and the initial level of internalizing and externalizing behaviors in adolescence. The results of linear regression analyses are reported in Table 2 for internalizing symptoms and Table 3 for externalizing symptoms. Observed support within the romantic dyad did not significantly predict relative changes in internalizing symptoms ( Table 2 ). In contrast, higher levels of observed support within the romantic dyad predicted decreases in externalizing behaviors by age 26 ( Table 3 ). The findings may suggest that teens who displayed greater signs of support and engagement with their romantic partner during help-seeking discussions reported fewer externalizing problematic behaviors over time, but did not predict relative changes in internalizing behaviors.

Post-hoc Analyses

Links between adolescent romantic relationship qualities and adult mental health will be moderated by relationship duration. Because relationship duration has been a significant relationship characteristic for both relationship functioning ( Gaertner and Foshee 1999 ; Giordano et al. 2010 ) and mental health including both internalizing ( Joyner and Udry 2000 ; Madsen and Collins 2005 ) and externalizing problems ( Zimmer–Gembeck et al. 2001 ), we assessed whether relationship duration moderates the link between relationship quality (conflict and support) and mental health in adulthood. We added relationship duration as a covariate in our regression analyses for internalizing and externalizing symptoms. We found that after accounting for baseline levels of externalizing symptoms, relationship duration, gender, and family income, support continued to predict relative decreases in externalizing symptoms ( β = −0.28, p = .009). We also found that dyadic conflict continued to predict relative increases in internalizing symptoms by age 26 ( β = 0.27, p = .007). Relationship duration was not significantly related to either externalizing ( β = 0.10, p = .33) or internalizing ( β = 0.02, p = .85) symptoms in adulthood.

Moderation by relationship duration was assessed for all analyses by creating interaction terms based on the product of the centered main-effect variables. None of the interaction terms were significantly related to direct predictions or predictions of outcomes after accounting for initial mental health functioning. For internalizing behaviors, duration by support direct: β = −0.01, p = .97 and covarying baseline: β = 0.06 p = 66; duration by conflict direct: β = 0.19, p = .19 and covarying baseline: β = 0.11, p = .43. For externalizing behaviors, duration by support direct: β = −0.01, p = .94 and covarying baseline: β = −0.06, p = .69; duration by conflict direct: β = 0.20, p = .20 and covarying baseline: β = 0.12, p = .36). This suggests that our results remained significant in predicting change in the development of mental health problems during the transition to adulthood.

Sensitivity Analyses

All analyses were conducted using the Full Information Maximum Likelihood (FIML) method. Alternative longitudinal analyses using linear regression were substantially identical to those results reported above.

Adolescent romantic relationships have been linked to both positive and negative outcomes, yet the specific qualities of such relationships as drivers of the direction of outcomes have been vastly understudied. By late adolescence, teens are engaging in romantic relationships similar to those experienced in adulthood. However, teens lack the relationship experience, coping skills, and communication strategies that might be helpful in navigating these newly intense intimate relationships. Given the growing salience and importance of romantic relationships to late adolescent and young adult well-being, more closely assessing the specific qualities of partnerships that may lead to better or worse mental health over time addresses a gap in our understanding of romantic and individual development.

This study found that specific qualities of adolescent romantic relationships predicted relative changes in mental health indices in the transition from adolescence to adulthood. Partner-reported hostile conflict within adolescent romantic relationships predicted relative increases in internalizing problems from adolescence into adulthood, whereas observed supportive behavior in a help-seeking task with a romantic partner predicted relative decreases in externalizing behaviors. These findings remained after accounting for relationship duration, family income, and gender.

Heightened conflict in adolescent romantic relationships predicted relative increases in patterns of internalizing behaviors such as anxiety, sadness, guilt, and worry. Although there is less research on the long-term effects of conflict within adolescent romantic relationships, prior findings consistently point to the link between marital hostile conflict and increasing symptoms of poor psychological health, such as depression and anxiety ( Beach et al. 2003 ; Overbeek et al. 2006 ). Similarly, our results indicate problematic behaviors are associated with high levels of hostile conflict in relationships, not just with romantic involvement in adolescence. Perhaps adolescents in conflict-ridden relationships internalize a problematic relationship view or engage in unhealthy romantic patterns that exacerbate mental health difficulties over time. Exposure to early romantic conflict may set the stage for future relationship dysfunction, which in turn is linked to increased mental distress. Adolescents may be particularly affected by romantic conflict because they are new to navigating these types of relationships and may not have developed healthy coping strategies yet ( La Greca et al. 2008 ). Subsequently, they may experience worsening of psychological health due to the centrality of relationships during this developmental period. Future research should investigate the long-term link between adolescent romantic conflict and mental health to better understand the relationship processes that may contribute to psychological distress.

In contrast to conflict findings, this study also identified conditions under which adolescent romantic relationships were linked to positive long-term outcomes. Adolescents who were highly engaged with and supportive of their romantic partner during a help-seeking task experienced relative reductions in externalizing behaviors across the transition into adulthood. This mirrors findings of the link between a supportive partner and increased desistance over time in adult marriages ( Laub and Sampson 1993 , 2001 ). Perhaps connecting with a partner in a time of need, being receptive to their care, and generally expressing oneself in a healthy, positive manner as captured by our observational task all represent coping skills useful in talking through problems. These skills may decrease the likelihood of subsequently acting out in aggressive ways when confronted with relationship challenges. Support and self-disclosure have been previously identified as essential predictors of successful adolescent relationships ( Hansen et al. 1992 ). Openness and engagement may scaffold more intimate and positive communicative relationships for adolescents. In turn, these successful, high-quality relationships may contribute to altering the pattern of developing externalizing problems over time by providing healthier communication strategies and coping mechanisms to manage conflict or disagreements with partners when they arise ( Davies and Windle 2000 ; Linder and Collins 2005 ).

Adolescents experience more frequent and intense mood swings compared to adults ( Larson et al. 1980 ). Many of these intense emotions are related to romantic experiences ( Larson et al. 1999 ). Perhaps due to the variability and intensity in mood attributed to romantic relationships during adolescence, teens can particularly benefit from learning coping strategies and communication skills helpful in managing such mood swings. Those who have a supportive partner or less hostile romantic conflict may experience fewer or less intense emotional fluctuations, as the qualities of support and conflict are central to developing healthy conflict resolution skills. The ability to manage conflict with a romantic partner may lessen the impact of mood swings on mental health, leading to psychological improvements over time. Further, learning healthy communication and conflict management skills earlier with romantic partners during adolescence may be particularly beneficial for developing healthy relationship schemas when maintaining healthy intimate relationships becomes a primary developmental task in the transition to adulthood. Successfully meeting this developmental goal in adulthood is linked to better mental health overall, partially accounting for the positive influence of early supportive relationships on later psychological health.

Prior research indicated that females and males may view romantic relationships differently and thus experience different outcomes due to problems or strengths in their partnerships. However, this study did not find any significant differences across gender in the nature of links between relationship qualities and future mental health outcomes. In addition, we found no evidence that relationship duration alone accounted for these changes in mental health—conflict continued predicting relative increases in internalizing symptoms while support predicted relative decreases in the development of externalizing symptoms. Further, relationship duration did not moderate any of our findings linking teen romantic quality and adult mental health.

Overall, our findings add to the growing literature of romantic relationships in adolescence. Prior research has often failed to consider more specific aspects of teen dating and how these behaviors and interactions may potentially impact teens’ mental health during the transition to adulthood. Borrowing from the qualities of teen romantic relationships (i.e., conflict and communication styles) that are linked to concurrent mental health ( Harper and Welsh 2007 ; Jouriles et al. 2009 ; La Greca and Harrison 2005 ) and from the adult literature citing support as beneficial for long-term mental health ( Laub and Sampson 1993 , 2001 ) and conflict as detrimental for psychological well-being ( Beach et al. 2003 ; Overbeek et al. 2006 ), we similarly found evidence for these qualities in earlier relationship experiences to impact long-term psychological health.

Although our findings indicate the potential for specific relationship qualities (i.e., conflict and support) to alter trajectories of mental health problems during the transition to adulthood, there are several limits to consider as well. First, this longitudinal study assessed the predictors of relative changes in mental health outcomes over the transition to adulthood. However, the study was not experimental; they can only disconfirm but cannot directly confirm the existence of any causal processes. It is plausible, for example, that some other variable (e.g., peer support and relationship quality, familial influences, or attachment styles) mediates the relationship between conflict and support in adolescent relationships and adult psychological functioning. Although this study helps identify those qualities that are more likely to play a significant role in the development of mental health difficulties, it cannot directly evaluate causal hypotheses.

Prior research on qualities of dating adolescents has been based on small sample sizes, and this study is limited in this manner as well. Because our analyses capitalized on observational data, we could only assess adolescents who were in a relationship at the time of assessment and who had partners who were willing to participate. 80 participants out of our full sample of 184 individuals qualified for this particular study based on these criteria. Interestingly, we found no differences in adult mental health outcomes based on relationship status at age 17 (i.e., whether they were single or in a relationship), pointing to the impact of relationship quality, not simply involvement, on well-being. In addition, we cannot generalize our findings to clinical samples and our mental health outcomes were not necessarily at clinical levels of elevations. Further, we did not assess mental health of the romantic partners and this may be an important mechanism of relationship quality and future mental heath functioning as well. Finally, the romantic partners of target participants were on average slightly older for both males and females, which is not typical of this age and poses as a potential limitation as well. Including partner characteristics as potential moderators of findings would be an important step in similar studies.

Romantic relationship experiences prior to age 17 were not assessed, nor were relationships that lasted less than 2 months. However, many early romantic relationships are more short-term and begin before the age of 17 ( Carver et al. 2003 ), and these warrant consideration in future research. The quickly changing nature and definitions of dating is another limitation of relationship research in general as relationship types seem to proliferate over time. Adolescents and young adults are increasingly engaging in relationships of varying duration and commitment levels ranging from hooking up to open relationships to exclusive committed relationships, which complicates the developmental account of romantic relationships ( Manning et al. 2014 ; Shulman and Connolly 2013 ) Additionally, measures of similar constructs often varied across different points in development, which makes comparisons across age somewhat more tenuous.

The present findings suggest that adolescent romantic relationships potentially influence trajectories of both unhealthy and healthy psychological functioning nearly a decade later. Romantic partner-reported dyadic hostile conflict in late adolescent relationships displayed long-term links to depression and anxiety well into adulthood, above and beyond the influence of gender and relationship length. Our results indicate that teens in supportive relationships may reap benefits in terms of declining externalizing behaviors over time, regardless of relationship length. Overall, our results utilizing an intensive longitudinal sample uniquely add to the growing body of literature assessing long-term risks and benefits linked to adolescent romantic experiences.

More research identifying specific qualities of adolescent romantic relationships that predict better or worse psychological health and relationship functioning over time is needed. The scope of this study was to examine qualities within teen dating relationships that impact mental health trajectories, but future research should also consider the impact on later relationship qualities as well given the strong link between well-being and close relationships into adulthood. The adult research indicates the potential for long-lasting changes in mental health, while adolescent romantic literature is often focused on short-term correlates. Highlighting relationship qualities that alter the development of mental distress at a time when many psychological problems begin to appear will set the stage for addressing the potential benefits of the normative experience of teen dating. Romantic relationships gain in importance during adolescence and the transition to adulthood, highlighting the need to assess how early experiences impact individual and interpersonal development (see Collins 2003 for a review). Robust comprehension of the unique function of romantic relationships in adolescence on long-term adjustment may allow parents and clinicians to help adolescents incorporate developmentally-healthy behaviors into their own relationships to reap the greatest benefits. At a time when romantic relationships are beginning to take root, understanding the qualities that determine whether they will have positive or negative implications for longer-term development will be key to informing efforts to enhance the quality of such relationships.

Adolescent dating is a critical psychosocial task with potential long-lasting positive and negative effects on adjustment and mental health. Previously, the specific relationship qualities in adolescent romantic relationships that are associated with long-term changes in mental health have been understudied. Rather, assessing whether one does or does not have relationship experience has been used as a dichotomous predictor of functioning ( Connolly and Johnson 1993 ; Raley et al. 2007 ; Rauer et al. 2013 ). However, closer examination of the qualities within early romantic relationships provides clarity on what occurs in these relationships that potentially impacts long-term mental health. We found evidence suggesting that relationship qualities that are related to concurrent mental health have the potential to predict long-term development of mental health problems as well. Specifically, supportive late adolescent romantic relationships are linked to fewer externalizing problems while hostile conflict is associated with increasing internalizing symptoms over time into young adulthood. Thus, it is the specific interactions and qualities of adolescent romantic relationships that may set the stage of healthy psychological functioning across time or may create dysfunctional relationship schemas that negatively impact mental health. Teens may be especially susceptible to early relationship experiences’ impact on long-term psychological health as they lack the skills and knowledge of healthy intimacy, yet are readily engaging in romantic relationships ( Carver et al. 2003 ; Seiffge–Krenke 2003 ). At a time when romantic experiences become increasingly salient to one’s identity in late adolescence and young adulthood ( Buhrmester 1996 ; Collins 2003 ; Furman and Wehner 1994 ; Montgomery 2005 ), it is critical to examine the impact of early romantic relationship qualities for long-term psychosocial health to better understand the role of adolescent dating in mental health development.

Acknowledgments

Funding This study was funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (grant numbers R01-HD058305 and R01-MH58066).

Biographies

Jessica Kansky Jessica Kansky is a fourth year doctoral student in Clinical Psychology at the University of Virginia and received her Bachelor of Arts from the University of Pennsylvania. Her research focuses on predictors and outcomes of romantic experiences from adolescence into adulthood. Specifically, she is interested in the role of romantic relationships in optimal interpersonal and individual development and overall well-being.

Joseph Allen Joseph Allen is the Hugh P. Kelley Professor of Psychology and Education at the University of Virginia. His research focuses on the predictors and long-term outcomes of social development processes from adolescence into adulthood. He also develops and examines socially-focused interventions for adolescents designed to improve long-term academic and mental health outcomes.

Authors’ Contributions We would like to describe each author’s contributions to the submitted manuscript, “Long-Term Risks and Possible Benefits Associated with Adolescent Romantic Relationships,” coauthored with J.P.A. He conceived the overall study and participated in its design and coordination. J.P.A. also participated in the interpretation of the data and helped to draft the manuscript. J.K. conceived of the analyses for the study and assisted with its design, performed the statistical analyses, participated in the interpretation of the data, and drafted the manuscript. All authors read and approved the final manuscript.

Data Sharing Declaration The datasets generated and/or analyzed during the current study are not publicly available but are available from the corresponding author on reasonable request

Compliance with Ethical Standards

Conflict of Interest The authors declare that they have no conflict of interest.

Ethical Approval All procedures performed in studies involving human participants were in accordance with the ethical standards of the institutional and/or national research committee and with the 1964 Helsinki declaration and its later amendments or comparable ethical standards.

Informed Consent Informed consent was obtained from all individual participants included in the study.

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Listen Now: SOUNDINGS Season 05

The Surfers Journal

Long Term Relationship

“All paths lead back to Al Merrick,” I used to say, back in the late 80s/early 90s when I was at the height of my surfing career. It was a maxim put to the test. In what might be called a “taking a break” period, I tried boards from a variety of the best shapers in the world. And while they all had their respective merits, there was something missing, something deeply ingrained and foundational, something that can only be developed over years of working with a single shaper. It’s analogous to romantic relationships. You can hop around, dip your toes. It can be heady and fun. But there’s a symbiosis that develops over time, an intuitive connection. And I am here to argue that the long-term trumps the wham, bam, thank you shaper .

I started riding Al Merricks in 1981. A junior in the WSA and NSSA, my teammates included Tom Curren, Willy Morris, and Shaun Tomson. Al was much more than just a shaper. He also coached, mentored, and competed in the amateur ranks himself, so as to get closer to his test pilots. He obsessed over rocker, vee, rails, plan shapes, et al. In the early 80s, his tried-and-true design was the tri-plane hull, ridden to virtuosic heights by Tom Curren. But he wasn’t pushing that as be all and end all. He wasn’t trying to get his team riders to adapt to that design.

I was coming off McCoy single fins of the Cheyne Horan variety: narrow nose, wide point behind center, super-wide, double-wing swallowtail. My first board from Al was, with hindsight, a way of transitioning into what were radically different ideas. McCoy was about the pocket. Merrick was about drive and forward momentum. I remember talking to Al at length before he actually shaped the board. We came up with a double-wing squash-tail thruster—something he’d made very few of. It went fantastically well. It led me to a West Coast Junior Title. And then boards that came after that—evolving, me wrapping to Al’s style, him wrapping to mine—would lead me to a pro career.

There was a kind of soup brewing in the Merrick factory. On one visit, there’d be Shaun Tomson’s most recent J-Bay design leaned in the corner. On the next, Tom Curren’s world title-winning Black Beauty. We were loyal team riders. Getting boards from Al was an ongoing dialogue. I’d bring to the shaping room whatever board I liked most. We’d set it on the block and inspect it. “There’s this drive that I really like, it’s faster than any board you’ve ever made me,” I might say. “But I want it to turn on a dime more. I want more responsiveness, more sensitivity.”

I tried boards that were wholly different to my Merricks. I experienced bursts of marvel and revelation, but some level of comfort and familiarity was missing, that sense of board as extension of oneself, appendage.

Al would nod knowingly, hold it up, eyeball it in that codified way that is intrinsic to shapers, baffling to anyone else. He’d set a triangle on the tail and tip it back and forth to check the vee. He’d maybe take a few measurements. Then he’d move it to the corner, replace it with a fresh blank, and draw out a plan shape from the many templates hanging on the wall.

The templates are what I mean by the “soup brewing.” They were taken from magic boards, named according to team riders. I might get some “Tom Japan ’82” in the nose, some “Willy Pro Class Trials” in the tail, some newly-designed hip that Shaun Tomson was hyped about. But ultimately Al was reading me. And it transcended that verbal feedback I gave him. Like an Ayurvedic doctor who looks deep into a patient’s eyes, like a chiropractor who studies the way a patient walks and stands, Al was translating my clunky explanations into the language of curves. He was thinking about my style, the waves I’d be riding, the parts of my surfing I needed to develop.

About five years into my working with Al, we hit a real grace note. His boards had shaped my surfing, and I mean that in the best possible way. Each shaper has his tenets, his kind of wave-riding philosophy and ideology, integrated into his boards. As a team rider in deep dialogue with that shaper, you can take it to new places, but that DNA is inherent in all his designs. I was drawing Al Merrick lines, just as, say, John John Florence is drawing Jon Pyzel lines, or Stephanie Gilmore is drawing Darren Handley lines. But, see, the Merrick/Pyzel/Handley lines are ultimately affected by the loyal, long-term team riders, so it becomes reciprocal. The boards become the result of a union, or various unions, from which all parties benefit.

What might I have gained had I jumped around? Well, I tried boards that were wholly different to my Merricks. I experienced bursts of marvel and revelation and, in what approximates a competitive surfer’s midlife crisis, I was sure that these boards would lead me to the performance heights I aspired to. But again, some level of comfort and familiarity was missing, that sense of board as extension of oneself, appendage. I’d laid groundwork with Al that was not about to be eclipsed by freshness and novelty.

And there are many ways of breathing new life into your boards. There are radical departures that can break you through to that other side. For a time Al made me six-channel thrusters, six “gutter” channels, not unlike—but not as deep—as the ones made famous by the late shaper Allan Byrne. This gave me a burst that lasted a couple of years. Then I went back to the standard bottoms that Al was doing in 1990/91. My surfing rose. I got a good result in the Stubbies Pro. I called him afterwards, exuberant.

“You’ve resurrected my career,” I told him.

“Don’t put that on me,” he said and laughed.

It’s a team effort. The more you put in, the more you get out. Provided of course that you’re with the right shaper to begin with, and that he’s as committed as you are. I came to Al a wiry, immature, unformed 15 year old. After a decade of working closely with him, after 100 plus boards, I was able to make my surfing the best it could be. Now, in what might be called the early autumn of a surfing life, I reap the rewards of what has been sown over 30 years. It’s an intuitive thing, a self/board knowledge that adds meaning to the surfing experience.

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• Relationships

Two Decades of LGBTQ Relationships Research

To what extent is relationship science reflective of lgbtq+ experiences.

Posted September 29, 2022 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

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• While same-sex marriage has been legal in some jurisdictions for two decades, relationships research continues to focus on mixed-sex couples.
• A review of 2,181 relationship science articles published since 2001 found that 85.8% excluded LGBTQ+ relationships.
• Without LGBTQ+ relationships research, it is hard to provide empirically-supported advice to same-sex and gender-diverse relationships.

In 2014, I attended the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology—one of the largest annual social psychology conferences. The conference covers a wide range of topics and one of the sub-areas is Close Relationships, which hosts a wonderful pre-conference each year leading up to the larger event. As I found myself strolling through the poster presentations for this section of the conference, I began to notice that most of them were reporting the results of research conducted with mixed-sex and presumably heterosexual couples. The pattern became so apparent that I decided to review each poster a bit more systematically and to ask the presenters some standard questions about the demographics of their samples. I was able to visit 58 of the 71 posters listed on the program for the Close Relationships section—there were quite a few posters missing due to a horrendous winter storm that made the annual trip to SPSP impossible for many. Of the posters reviewed, only 15.5% included LGBTQ participants and only one study specifically focused on LGBTQ relationships. Following the conference, I wrote an article for the Relationships Research Newsletter published by the International Association for Relationships Research discussing the "state of LGBTQ-inclusive research methods" in the field of relationship science.

The following year, a somewhat more systematic approach to evaluating the inclusion of sexual minority couples in research was undertaken by Judith Andersen and Christopher Zou, who published their findings in the Health Science Journal . Their analysis focused on the inclusion of sexual minority couples in research relevant to relationships and health and they focused on publications indexed by Medline and PsychINFO between 2002-2012. Their results indicated that a striking 88.7% of the studies reviewed had excluded sexual minority couples from participating—meaning that even fewer of the papers in their sample were inclusive than my snapshot of the posters presented during the 2014 Close Relationships Poster Session.

Fast forward nearly another decade and the International Association for Relationship Research decided to launch two special issues of their flagship journals, Personal Relationships and the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , dedicated to reviewing the last two decades of relationship science. Along with two other leading researchers in the area of LGBTQ+ relationships, I was invited to write a review focused on LGBTQ+ relationship science. The burning question in my mind was whether or not we would see a stark increase in inclusion as time progressed. After all, the two decades spanning 2002-2022 represent a time of significant advancements for LGBTQ+ civil rights, particularly those related to the legal recognition of same-sex relationships.

What Is the State of LGBTQ Inclusion in Relationships Research Today?

To answer this question, we gathered every single article published in Personal Relationships (PR) and the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (JSPR) starting in 2002 until April 2021. This resulted in 2,181 articles; 1,392 articles from JPSR and 789 from PR. We used a variety of coding techniques, including automatic keyword coding and manual screening of articles, to identify which articles contained any information relevant to LGBTQ+ identities and relationships. Roughly 85.8% of these articles were excluded from further analysis as they did not contain any words relevant to sexual or gender minority identities or relationships. The remaining 329 articles were manually coded to identify how they handled issues related to sexual and gender identity . Some articles mentioned LGBTQ+ issues in their limitations section (n = 58), for example to state that future research should consider testing similar questions with a more inclusive and diverse sample. Another 42 articles explicitly stated that they excluded LGBTQ+ participants from their recruitment or analysis process, and while this may seem harsh, it still reflects a methodological improvement over the 1,852 articles that did not even provide adequate information to understand how the exclusion process took place. Some studies did include LGBTQ+ participants in their recruitment process and analyses, but often the sample sizes were small, meaning that no further efforts were taken to understand whether LGBTQ+ participants had unique experiences.

Ultimately, of the 2,181 articles published in these two journals between 2002 and April 2021, 92 articles, or 4.2%, presented LGBTQ-relevant information that we considered capable of providing empirical evidence concerning the lives and experiences of sexual and gender minorities within the context of close relationships. Thus, with only 4.2% of the articles being LGBTQ-relevant, our review of two decades of relationship science research did not seem to suggest that great improvement was occurring over time.

Has LGBTQ Inclusion Increased Over Time?

However, when we broke our data down into smaller periods, we did see a slight indication of improvement over time for the general inclusion of LGBTQ+ participants in relationship science published in these two journals. For example, research published in Personal Relationships climbed from roughly 2% of articles being LGBTQ-relevant between 2002 and 2006 to a peak of just over 4% in 2012-2015, a rate that either slightly decreased or remained constant for the final five-year period, 2016-2021. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships had a somewhat higher inclusion rate over time, with roughly 3.5% of articles in 2002-2006 being LGBTQ-relevant, peaking at nearly 6% between 2007-2011, and then settling back between 4% and 5% for the periods ranging from 2012-2015 and 2016-2021. Despite these slight differences, overall, there was no significant difference between the proportion of articles considered LGBTQ-relevant in each of the two journals reviewed.

Additional Patterns of Inclusion and Exclusion

Most of the research in the review that was deemed "LGBTQ-relevant" tended to explore the LGBTQ+ community as a whole, rather than presenting studies that specifically explored the experiences of one identity group or another (e.g., lesbian women vs. gay men). Only one of the 92 articles exclusively focused on the experiences of bisexual individuals and 54.3% of the LGBTQ-relevant articles did not include bisexuals in their sample at all. The overall body of research also had an androcentric slant, such that 17.4% of the articles focused exclusively on sexual minority men while only 9.8% focused exclusively on sexual minority women.

Finally, although our interest was in exploring relationship science that was considered relevant to LGBTQ+ populations, a better descriptor would be LGBQ, as very few of the studies included transgender , non-binary, or gender-diverse relationship experiences. In total, 15 articles included transgender participants while only four included non-binary participants.

LGBTQ+ Specific Journals

Of course, this review focused on two of the leading relationship science journals and thus did not cover research published in other journals. Anecdotally, many researchers working in LGBTQ psychology and related areas note that when they try to publish in mainstream journals, reviewers often recommend that they send their LGBTQ-relevant research to more specialized, niche journals. Thus, there is likely more research on LGBTQ+ relationship experiences in journals such as Psychology & Sexuality , LGBT Health, Journal of Lesbian Studies, Journal of Homosexuality, and the APA Journal of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity. However, none of these journals specifically focus on relationship science and may not be widely read by other scholars studying relationships specifically. While one of the benefits of LGBTQ-inclusive research is that it helps us to better understand the experiences within this specific population, such research also benefits the wider population, as often LGBTQ-inclusive research suggests new and novel questions that help to shed light on relationship experiences that are relevant to all individuals, regardless of sexual or gender identity.

Despite the indication that there is still a long way to go in terms of encouraging broad inclusion of LGBTQ+ experiences in mainstream relationship research, there were still many positive signs. The overall trajectory of inclusion appears to be increasing over time, conferences are beginning to include specific programming on how to increase the inclusivity of relationship research, and the editors of the special issues celebrating the past two decades of relationship science saw fit to include a review that was specific to LGBTQ+ relationship experiences. The review concluded by noting that we, the authors, were "looking forward to the next 20 years" of LGBTQ-inclusive relationship research, with a specific "focus on deciphering the minutiae of all the colourful intersection of identity that make up the true richness of human relationships."

Pollitt, A. M., Blair, K. L., & Lannutti, P. J. (2022). A review of two decades of LGBTQ‐inclusive research in JSPR and PR . Personal Relationships . https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12432

Andersen, J. P., & Zou, C. (2015). Exclusion of sexual minority couples from research. Health Science Journal, 9(6), 1.

Blair, K. L., McKenna, O., & Holmberg, D. (2022). On guard: Public versus private affection-sharing experiences in same-sex, gender-diverse, and mixed-sex relationships . Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , 02654075221090678.

Karen Blair, Ph.D. , is an assistant professor of psychology at Trent University. She researches the social determinants of health throughout the lifespan within the context of relationships.

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