The Death of My Grandmother and Lessons Learnt Essay
Introduction.
For many people, the death of their grandparents means the loss of a very close relative, who was given an important role in their lives. After the death of a grandmother, a person can experience many different emotions. The loss of a dear person is frightening and unsettling. Often the loss of a grandmother is the first loss in life, which only complicates the feelings experienced. Death is a natural part of life that we have to deal with sooner or later. The loss of my grandmother was the biggest tragedy that has happened to me. The main reason is the fact that she was the one who raised me to become who I am. She was closer to me than my parents because they were mostly busy at their jobs. My grandmother always accompanied me throughout my childhood.
Nonetheless, the given obstacle was a mere setback for my future success. At first, I was inclined to be pessimistic and depressed due to the fact that I did not see myself enjoying life anymore. As time passed, I began to realize that I am the only one who can and will carry on her legacy and memory because she raised me by pouring her soul into me. In addition, I started to appreciate life more because I faced the concept of death early on.
I learned many valuable things after my grandmother passed away. The best way to feel better after the death of a loved one is to indulge in pleasant memories. I tried to remember the moments when we laughed together, had fun, or other pleasant situations that we experienced with my grandmother. Also, over time, I could revise our box or album of memory, so as not to forget about all the moments experienced. I realized that if you focus on helping others, it will be easier for you to survive the loss and move on. It is also critical to support the parents and brothers during difficult moments. Some of your parents have lost their mother, and this is a terrible obstacle. I learned to recall that I love my loved ones and try to take care of them even in small endeavors, such as offering to make tea or washing the dishes. It is important to experience the joy that my grandmother lives in my memory.
Furthermore, I learned that there are several stages that each person experiencing loss goes through shock, anger, despair, and acceptance. As a rule, these stages take a year, and it is no accident that in the old traditions, the mourning for the deceased lasted as long. These experiences are individual and depend on the degree of closeness with the deceased person, on the circumstances in which he passed away. At each stage, there may be experiences that seem abnormal to people. For example, they hear the voice of a deceased person or feel his presence. They may remember the departed, dream about him, may even be angry with the deceased, or, conversely, not experience any emotion. These conditions are natural and are due to the functioning of the brain. However, it is important to know that pathological reactions to stress can occur at each stage.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the loss of my grandmother was a major challenge that I faced in my entire life. Although it dealt irreparable damage, I am convinced that it made me much stronger as a human being both emotionally and mentally. I acquired a certain degree of peace and calmness during stressful periods because none of them can be as painful as the loss of my grandmother. In addition, I became more aware of the concept of death, which forced me to fully appreciate my time and life.
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IvyPanda. (2023, October 29). The Death of My Grandmother and Lessons Learnt. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-death-of-my-grandmother-and-lessons-learnt/
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1. IvyPanda . "The Death of My Grandmother and Lessons Learnt." October 29, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-death-of-my-grandmother-and-lessons-learnt/.
Bibliography
IvyPanda . "The Death of My Grandmother and Lessons Learnt." October 29, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/the-death-of-my-grandmother-and-lessons-learnt/.
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Here’s to the grandmothers who have shaped generations of women and mothers
In light of the death of Queen Elizabeth II, I am reminded of the passing of my own grandmother and the importance of grandmothers all across the globe.
By Mariah Maddox September 12, 2022
AlessandroBiascioli/Shutterstock
The loss of a grandmother is never an easy one to deal with. In light of the death of Queen Elizabeth II , I am reminded of the passing of my own grandmother and the importance of grandmothers all across the globe.
In many ways, I still have not found rest in the fact that my grandmother is gone—and for people who have lost their grandmothers, I’m sure you can relate.
Related: How to deal with loss of grandmother
I saw how deeply many across the world began to mourn when Queen Elizabeth II passed away—and in a way, it resurfaced the ache of the loss of my own grandmother that I have been trying to avoid for so long.
The world seemingly stops for just a moment when the matriarch of our family passes. And when it starts to move again, it never orbits the same.
It’s as if I have tried and tried to regain my footing after her loss. Yet the grief fills and surrounds me —and I have never been the same. The world has never been the same.
Because grandmothers are the anchors of families. They are the ones who hold everything together, who remind us of the names that we carry and of where we come from.
Grandmothers are the ones who make us draw near to our lineage and find glory in the blood that runs through our veins. They keep family at the center of their lives—and their hearts—and stand true to the precious and cherished bonds of kin.
Related: I love seeing my child develop personal relationships with family members
The love that grandmothers hold is deeper and fuller than anything we have ever known—and we are drawn into their orbit of love, laughter and light.
So when we lose a grandmother, it feels like we lose a monumental piece of ourselves. The world seemingly stops for just a moment when the matriarch of our family passes. And when it starts to move again, it never orbits the same.
But the reassuring and warming thing for me is that I get to honor my grandmother in living the wisdom she so often instilled in me. In her days on this Earth, she lived a full and meaningful life.
Related: Our kids have the best Nana and Grandma in the world—thank you
Every day I am reminded of her embrace, of her grace and her beauty and her poise.
I am reminded of how her aura warmed every person that she came in contact with and how her presence commanded every space that she walked into.
She walked the path before us—my mother, my aunts, my sisters, me—and she reached back to guide us on our individual journeys. In many ways, her spirit still guides us.
Even though their passings bring an unbearable burden of grief, we now have the baton to carry.
And I know that one day, I want to be that woman. The matriarch of my family. The woman who my children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren come to seek wisdom from. The woman who reminds them of their lineage, of their purpose.
One day, I will be that woman, and I am sure of it because my grandmother taught me so many valuable things. And though I have spent many days in mourning since her passing, I am reminded of the morning she carried all the days of her life. Those recollections ease my weeping heart in times like these and remind me that there is still work to be done. Now a deeper purpose is awaiting me—and that is to carry on the legacy that my grandmother sowed into all the women that she raised.
Related: Being a grandmother is the greatest joy of my life
So if you are reading this, take a moment to honor your grandmother—living or passed away. Honor the grandmothers who gave us our heritage. Honor the grandmothers who sacrificed so that we could be the women we are today. Honor the grandmothers who walked the path before us. Honor the grandmothers who are the glue that binds us all together.
A coworker of mine mentioned the loss of a grandmother as the sentiment of a loss of generations of elders, of a moving up of generations. And I find that sentiment to be achingly true, but also reassuring.
Because grandmothers have shaped generations of women and mothers—and even though their passings bring an unbearable burden of grief, we now have the baton to carry.
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Losing a grandmother brings questions about grief, and why we feel what we feel
The task, experts said, is figuring out how best to carry on, while still honoring the person who’s no longer with us.
- Jacob Smollen
Jacob Smollen as a kid with his grandmother, Mindy Smollen. (Courtesy of Jacob Smollen)
This story is from The Pulse , a weekly health and science podcast.
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My grandmother, Mindy Smollen, lived a long, full life, and although her death itself was sudden, it was not entirely shocking. But having anyone you love pass away is hard. I thought about her often at night, or during the school day, and I often thought back on conversations we had had.
My grandma and I used to spend a lot of time talking about travel and art. She was really into art, so the topic came naturally for her — not so much for me. She also loved to travel, mostly to France. She loved everything about it: the language, the culture, and the food.
During the months following my grandmother’s death, I found myself wishing I had something of hers. My grandmother loved rabbits, and she sometimes gave little rabbit sculptures as gifts to family members. It seemed like everyone had one but me. Then, I found out that my sister had a handwritten letter from my grandma, only adding to my disappointment.
Why did I feel that way? And why was I searching my memories for bits and pieces of our conversations?
I decided to reach out to psychologist Charles Jacob to find out more about the grieving process.
“The task at hand is to remember and honor their memory in such a way that it does not cause us pain, but brings us some amount of comfort,” Jacob said. “Especially for folks who are grieving initially, there can be something bittersweet about the recollections of people who are lost.”
I also spoke with Jacob about my feelings of jealousy over not having a letter or anything tangible from my grandmother.
“I can see how that would cause some amount of vexation,” he said. “But I have to imagine there are a lot of different ways to remember and still feel connected to her.”
Grief is a complicated process, Jacob said, and he cited his experience with his father’s death a few years earlier.
“When we’re faced with loss, the world just keeps moving and changing around us,” he said. “The task at hand is finding a way back to some level of functioning, like, I now have to find a way to live without my father — not forget him — but also pay my taxes and brush my teeth, because those things don’t stop.”
Jacob talked about a psychologist, J. William Worden, who created a framework that says that in the wake of a loss, we try to complete four tasks. The first is to accept the reality of the loss. The second is to experience the pain of grief and process it. The third is to adjust to an environment without the person who has passed away, and the fourth is to find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life.
This framework made a lot of sense to me and how I experienced my grandmother’s death. I remember feeling sad about it for a while and just ruminating on that. Then, weeks later, her absence hit me anew, when we visited my grandpa for the first time after her death. Examining my thoughts and actions through Worden’s lens helped me understand that, in going through my memories, I was looking for an enduring connection. I was searching for what I was going to carry on from my grandmother.
Jacob also told me about some of the many ways people cope with loss. Often, he said, the most important one is just time.
“The reality is that most states of being are not sustainable long term. Eventually, we just start trending back to normal,” he said. “The trick is getting over the pain and then deriving meaning from all of it that doesn’t leave us feeling completely hopeless.”
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In the meantime, Jacob recommends talking to friends and telling stories, and, if you need to, cry. I found each of these things helpful after my grandmother passed away.
Around the time my grandmother died, a very close friend of mine lost his grandfather. At the time, I was having trouble expressing my feelings about my grandmother’s loss to my family, and so having an “outsider” to talk to, particularly one who was going through such a similar experience, was really helpful.
Finding comfort in strangers
Before I lost my grandmother, the topic of death or grief really didn’t come up much. It seems as if most people avoid it if possible. However, there is a push by some to make death and grief more of a normal dinner table conversation topic. For example, I found out about death cafes, events in which strangers meet to talk about dying over food and drinks.
I wanted to learn more about these events and the people who attend them, so I reached out to Brian Long, a death cafe facilitator from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. He told me people sometimes find comfort in talking to strangers about things that they have trouble discussing with their closest relatives.
“It’s a little bit like the opening and the closing of [that] Tom Hanks movie, when [Forrest Gump] sits on a park bench and strikes up a conversation with somebody next to him,” Long said. “He doesn’t know who that person is, and that person doesn’t know who he is, but they share things.”
Jim Kirkpatrick, a death cafe facilitator in Northern California, said the conversations often give him more of an appreciation of his life and the people in it.
“Often, I’m reminded when I leave a cafe: Who do I love, and who do I reach out to?” Kirkpatrick said.
Honoring grandmother’s life
We had a memorial for my grandmother this summer, on the weekend of what would have been her 89th birthday. We gathered under a white tent in my aunt’s backyard in Cape Cod, a place my grandmother lived for 25 years, with family and friends alike, and we ate chocolate mousse and listened to French music to celebrate the life she lived.
I wish I could say I had some sort of grand epiphany after this exploration of death and grief, but the truth is, I didn’t. I certainly understand more now about how grieving functions on a psychological level, but I don’t feel any need to talk about death all the time. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that grief is an extremely subjective and personal experience.
I know I’ve learned that I love to hear stories about my grandma. I like to hear about her young and wild days and the crazy things she said to my dad growing up. And sometimes, I wish she were here to tell those stories. But I know that I will carry on with what she’s given me, things like a love of cooking and languages.
I realize now that the fact that our time with friends and family is finite gives these relationships their value. And I plan to cherish the relationships I have while I can, and to tell stories about them long after.
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College Essay: Lessons from the loss of a loved one
Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.
As the only members of our extended family outside of Taiwan, my nuclear family and I took the annual trip from Minnesota back to our homeland that renewed my fading early childhood memories of bustling Taipei.
Jetlag compelled me to wake up at the crack of dawn, which luckily coincided with my grandmother’s daily trek up the luscious mountains right down the block. She was invariably eager to bring my brother and I along. Although my grandma was agile for her age, our youthful bodies bounded steps ahead on hills.
As years passed, I never thought the next time I’d see my grandmother would be on her deathbed.
The summer before I began ninth grade, we learned that my grandmother had undergone a spinal surgery to offset the rapid deterioration of her legs. What had been a risky procedure to begin with did little to help her prognosis.
My brother and I followed my parents on their next flight to Taiwan while she went under the knife for a second time.
The trip up the hospital elevator ticked by in silence, everyone avoiding eye contact. A blast of cold air whipped my face as the doors opened to the intensive care unit. Snapping on latex gloves, face masks and hospital gowns, we anxiously waited in the hall to enter her room, only two allowed in at once.
The first time I walked in, the shrill beeping of heavy equipment filled my ears, and thick trails of IVs sprawled on the floor. The rugged stench of rubber from my gloves clung in the air and my stomach churned to the ceaseless beeps. My heart crashed at the sight of my grandmother, immobile in a gray bed. Her lively spirit lied paralyzed, indistinguishable with jaundice and blackened fingers. I idled in shock the five minutes I was with her, conscientiously meeting her eyes, incapable of digesting the severity this situation had reached.
I left my grandma in a daze as a doctor somberly welcomed us into a room. There I learned that the initial surgery left her with a grazed spine and a pierced stomach, leaving the rest of the organs in her torso to collapse and wither. Her blood had turned toxic.
The doctor spouted more medical vocabulary. Hesitating, he paused. “I’m afraid there is no chance of recovery,” he apologized. His statement hung in the air as he continued, and eventually his words dissolved into white noise.
During my following visits, I stumbled over the right words to express to her. Her pain-enduring eyes masked with perseverance recurred through my mind hours after leaving the hospital. I still yearned for a miracle to occur in the two weeks leading up to her passing.
Because Taiwan is a moderately accelerated nation, I struggled to comprehend that the one-out-of-a-million failed victim of this risky operation was someone important to me, my 71-yearold grandmother.
After the visit, under the dimming sky, I descended the mountain without my grandma. I realized how much one loss affected multiple people. The buzz of cicadas dwindled as I neared the house. The streetlight gradually flickered out. I could only picture her last breath in the lonely hospital room, fading out to the slowing beep of her heartbeat. At that moment, I yearned for the chance to recompense my grandma in any way.
My grandmother was a sole person, but she acquired dreams and goals throughout her lifetime. Until then I never understood how small changes created big differences—like how every life matters on this Earth. Her death caused me to recognize that my purpose lies in pursuing medicine.
Even today, our knowledge of human health is not enough to save everyone. My impact may not be big, but I want to contribute to the gradual advancement of critical medical care. My aspiration is to help as many people as possible experience life’s potential.
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Home / Essay Samples / Life / Grandmother / The Main Lessons I Have Learned From My Grandmother
The Main Lessons I Have Learned From My Grandmother
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