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College Admissions , College Essays

The personal statement might just be the hardest part of your college application. Mostly this is because it has the least guidance and is the most open-ended. One way to understand what colleges are looking for when they ask you to write an essay is to check out the essays of students who already got in—college essays that actually worked. After all, they must be among the most successful of this weird literary genre.

In this article, I'll go through general guidelines for what makes great college essays great. I've also compiled an enormous list of 100+ actual sample college essays from 11 different schools. Finally, I'll break down two of these published college essay examples and explain why and how they work. With links to 177 full essays and essay excerpts , this article is a great resource for learning how to craft your own personal college admissions essay!

What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

Even though in many ways these sample college essays are very different from one other, they do share some traits you should try to emulate as you write your own essay.

Visible Signs of Planning

Building out from a narrow, concrete focus. You'll see a similar structure in many of the essays. The author starts with a very detailed story of an event or description of a person or place. After this sense-heavy imagery, the essay expands out to make a broader point about the author, and connects this very memorable experience to the author's present situation, state of mind, newfound understanding, or maturity level.

Knowing how to tell a story. Some of the experiences in these essays are one-of-a-kind. But most deal with the stuff of everyday life. What sets them apart is the way the author approaches the topic: analyzing it for drama and humor, for its moving qualities, for what it says about the author's world, and for how it connects to the author's emotional life.

Stellar Execution

A killer first sentence. You've heard it before, and you'll hear it again: you have to suck the reader in, and the best place to do that is the first sentence. Great first sentences are punchy. They are like cliffhangers, setting up an exciting scene or an unusual situation with an unclear conclusion, in order to make the reader want to know more. Don't take my word for it—check out these 22 first sentences from Stanford applicants and tell me you don't want to read the rest of those essays to find out what happens!

A lively, individual voice. Writing is for readers. In this case, your reader is an admissions officer who has read thousands of essays before yours and will read thousands after. Your goal? Don't bore your reader. Use interesting descriptions, stay away from clichés, include your own offbeat observations—anything that makes this essay sounds like you and not like anyone else.

Technical correctness. No spelling mistakes, no grammar weirdness, no syntax issues, no punctuation snafus—each of these sample college essays has been formatted and proofread perfectly. If this kind of exactness is not your strong suit, you're in luck! All colleges advise applicants to have their essays looked over several times by parents, teachers, mentors, and anyone else who can spot a comma splice. Your essay must be your own work, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help polishing it.

And if you need more guidance, connect with PrepScholar's expert admissions consultants . These expert writers know exactly what college admissions committees look for in an admissions essay and chan help you craft an essay that boosts your chances of getting into your dream school.

Check out PrepScholar's Essay Editing and Coaching progra m for more details!

Links to Full College Essay Examples

Some colleges publish a selection of their favorite accepted college essays that worked, and I've put together a selection of over 100 of these.

Common App Essay Samples

Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. The current Common App prompts are as follows:

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. 2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? 3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? 4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you? 5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. 6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

Now, let's get to the good stuff: the list of 177 college essay examples responding to current and past Common App essay prompts. 

Connecticut college.

• 12 Common Application essays from the classes of 2022-2025

Hamilton College

• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2026
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2022
• 7 Common Application essays from the class of 2018
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2012
• 8 Common Application essays from the class of 2007

Johns Hopkins

These essays are answers to past prompts from either the Common Application or the Coalition Application (which Johns Hopkins used to accept).

• 1 Common Application or Coalition Application essay from the class of 2026
• 6 Common Application or Coalition Application essays from the class of 2025
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2024
• 6 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2023
• 7 Common Application of Universal Application essays from the class of 2022
• 5 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2021
• 7 Common Application or Universal Application essays from the class of 2020

Essay Examples Published by Other Websites

• 2 Common Application essays ( 1st essay , 2nd essay ) from applicants admitted to Columbia

Other Sample College Essays

Here is a collection of essays that are college-specific.

Babson College

• 4 essays (and 1 video response) on "Why Babson" from the class of 2020

Emory University

• 5 essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) from the class of 2020 along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on why the essays were exceptional
• 5 more recent essay examples ( 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 ) along with analysis from Emory admissions staff on what made these essays stand out

University of Georgia

• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2019
• 1 “strong essay” sample from 2018
• 10 Harvard essays from 2023
• 10 Harvard essays from 2022
• 10 Harvard essays from 2021
• 10 Harvard essays from 2020
• 10 Harvard essays from 2019
• 10 Harvard essays from 2018
• 6 essays from admitted MIT students

Smith College

• 6 "best gift" essays from the class of 2018

Books of College Essays

If you're looking for even more sample college essays, consider purchasing a college essay book. The best of these include dozens of essays that worked and feedback from real admissions officers.

College Essays That Made a Difference —This detailed guide from Princeton Review includes not only successful essays, but also interviews with admissions officers and full student profiles.

50 Successful Harvard Application Essays by the Staff of the Harvard Crimson—A must for anyone aspiring to Harvard .

50 Successful Ivy League Application Essays and 50 Successful Stanford Application Essays by Gen and Kelly Tanabe—For essays from other top schools, check out this venerated series, which is regularly updated with new essays.

Heavenly Essays by Janine W. Robinson—This collection from the popular blogger behind Essay Hell includes a wider range of schools, as well as helpful tips on honing your own essay.

Analyzing Great Common App Essays That Worked

I've picked two essays from the examples collected above to examine in more depth so that you can see exactly what makes a successful college essay work. Full credit for these essays goes to the original authors and the schools that published them.

Example 1: "Breaking Into Cars," by Stephen, Johns Hopkins Class of '19 (Common App Essay, 636 words long)

I had never broken into a car before.

We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already left, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

"Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?"

"Why me?" I thought.

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. "The water's on fire! Clear a hole!" he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I'm still unconvinced about that particular lesson's practicality, my Dad's overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don't sweat the small stuff, and I definitely don't expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, defenseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It's family. It's society. And often, it's chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

What Makes This Essay Tick?

It's very helpful to take writing apart in order to see just how it accomplishes its objectives. Stephen's essay is very effective. Let's find out why!

An Opening Line That Draws You In

In just eight words, we get: scene-setting (he is standing next to a car about to break in), the idea of crossing a boundary (he is maybe about to do an illegal thing for the first time), and a cliffhanger (we are thinking: is he going to get caught? Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight?).

Great, Detailed Opening Story

More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window's seal like I'd seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame.

It's the details that really make this small experience come alive. Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. The volunteers aren't going to get food or dinner; they're going for "Texas BBQ." The coat hanger comes from "a dumpster." Stephen doesn't just move the coat hanger—he "jiggles" it.

Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene. The person who hands Stephen the coat hanger isn't just uncomfortable or nervous; he "takes a few steps back"—a description of movement that conveys feelings. Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking.

Turning a Specific Incident Into a Deeper Insight

Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I'd been in this type of situation before. In fact, I'd been born into this type of situation.

Stephen makes the locked car experience a meaningful illustration of how he has learned to be resourceful and ready for anything, and he also makes this turn from the specific to the broad through an elegant play on the two meanings of the word "click."

Using Concrete Examples When Making Abstract Claims

My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally.

"Unpredictability and chaos" are very abstract, not easily visualized concepts. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. By instantly following up with highly finite and unambiguous illustrations like "family of seven" and "siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing," Stephen grounds the abstraction in something that is easy to picture: a large, noisy family.

Using Small Bits of Humor and Casual Word Choice

My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed.

Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: "in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed."

The humor also feels relaxed. Part of this is because he introduces it with the colloquial phrase "you know," so it sounds like he is talking to us in person. This approach also diffuses the potential discomfort of the reader with his father's strictness—since he is making jokes about it, clearly he is OK. Notice, though, that this doesn't occur very much in the essay. This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant.

An Ending That Stretches the Insight Into the Future

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: "How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?"

The ending of the essay reveals that Stephen's life has been one long preparation for the future. He has emerged from chaos and his dad's approach to parenting as a person who can thrive in a world that he can't control.

This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays. Colleges are very much looking for mature, self-aware applicants. These are the qualities of successful college students, who will be able to navigate the independence college classes require and the responsibility and quasi-adulthood of college life.

What Could This Essay Do Even Better?

Even the best essays aren't perfect, and even the world's greatest writers will tell you that writing is never "finished"—just "due." So what would we tweak in this essay if we could?

Replace some of the clichéd language. Stephen uses handy phrases like "twists and turns" and "don't sweat the small stuff" as a kind of shorthand for explaining his relationship to chaos and unpredictability. But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

Use another example from recent life. Stephen's first example (breaking into the van in Laredo) is a great illustration of being resourceful in an unexpected situation. But his essay also emphasizes that he "learned to adapt" by being "different things to different people." It would be great to see how this plays out outside his family, either in the situation in Laredo or another context.

Example 2: By Renner Kwittken, Tufts Class of '23 (Common App Essay, 645 words long)

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars and Trucks and Things That Go," and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration.

Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear.

I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.

In the lab, Dr. Ray encouraged a great amount of autonomy to design and implement my own procedures. I chose to attack a problem that affects the entire field of nanomedicine: nanoparticles consistently fail to translate from animal studies into clinical trials. Jumping off recent literature, I set out to see if a pre-dose of a common chemotherapeutic could enhance nanoparticle delivery in aggressive prostate cancer, creating three novel constructs based on three different linear polymers, each using fluorescent dye (although no gold, sorry goldbug!). Though using radioactive isotopes like Gallium and Yttrium would have been incredible, as a 17-year-old, I unfortunately wasn't allowed in the same room as these radioactive materials (even though I took a Geiger counter to a pair of shoes and found them to be slightly dangerous).

I hadn't expected my hypothesis to work, as the research project would have ideally been led across two full years. Yet while there are still many optimizations and revisions to be done, I was thrilled to find -- with completely new nanoparticles that may one day mean future trials will use particles with the initials "RK-1" -- thatcyclophosphamide did indeed increase nanoparticle delivery to the tumor in a statistically significant way.

A secondary, unexpected research project was living alone in Baltimore, a new city to me, surrounded by people much older than I. Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research. Whether in a presentation or in a casual conversation, making others interested in science is perhaps more exciting to me than the research itself. This solidified a new pursuit to angle my love for writing towards illuminating science in ways people can understand, adding value to a society that can certainly benefit from more scientific literacy.

It seems fitting that my goals are still transforming: in Scarry's book, there is not just one goldbug, there is one on every page. With each new experience, I'm learning that it isn't the goldbug itself, but rather the act of searching for the goldbugs that will encourage, shape, and refine my ever-evolving passions. Regardless of the goldbug I seek -- I know my pickle truck has just begun its journey.

Renner takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but their essay is just as detailed and engaging. Let's go through some of the strengths of this essay.

One Clear Governing Metaphor

This essay is ultimately about two things: Renner’s dreams and future career goals, and Renner’s philosophy on goal-setting and achieving one’s dreams.

But instead of listing off all the amazing things they’ve done to pursue their dream of working in nanomedicine, Renner tells a powerful, unique story instead. To set up the narrative, Renner opens the essay by connecting their experiences with goal-setting and dream-chasing all the way back to a memorable childhood experience:

This lighthearted–but relevant!--story about the moment when Renner first developed a passion for a specific career (“finding the goldbug”) provides an anchor point for the rest of the essay. As Renner pivots to describing their current dreams and goals–working in nanomedicine–the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” is reflected in Renner’s experiments, rejections, and new discoveries.

Though Renner tells multiple stories about their quest to “find the goldbug,” or, in other words, pursue their passion, each story is connected by a unifying theme; namely, that as we search and grow over time, our goals will transform…and that’s okay! By the end of the essay, Renner uses the metaphor of “finding the goldbug” to reiterate the relevance of the opening story:

While the earlier parts of the essay convey Renner’s core message by showing, the final, concluding paragraph sums up Renner’s insights by telling. By briefly and clearly stating the relevance of the goldbug metaphor to their own philosophy on goals and dreams, Renner demonstrates their creativity, insight, and eagerness to grow and evolve as the journey continues into college.

An Engaging, Individual Voice

This essay uses many techniques that make Renner sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know them.

Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other).

My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon.

Renner gives a great example of how to use humor to your advantage in college essays. You don’t want to come off as too self-deprecating or sarcastic, but telling a lightheartedly humorous story about your younger self that also showcases how you’ve grown and changed over time can set the right tone for your entire essay.

Technique #2: intentional, eye-catching structure. The second technique is the way Renner uses a unique structure to bolster the tone and themes of their essay . The structure of your essay can have a major impact on how your ideas come across…so it’s important to give it just as much thought as the content of your essay!

For instance, Renner does a great job of using one-line paragraphs to create dramatic emphasis and to make clear transitions from one phase of the story to the next:

Suddenly the destination of my pickle car was clear.

Not only does the one-liner above signal that Renner is moving into a new phase of the narrative (their nanoparticle research experiences), it also tells the reader that this is a big moment in Renner’s story. It’s clear that Renner made a major discovery that changed the course of their goal pursuit and dream-chasing. Through structure, Renner conveys excitement and entices the reader to keep pushing forward to the next part of the story.

Technique #3: playing with syntax. The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. Most of the essay's written in standard English and uses grammatically correct sentences. However, at key moments, Renner emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences.

Even with moving frequently between hotels, AirBnB's, and students' apartments, I strangely reveled in the freedom I had to enjoy my surroundings and form new friendships with graduate school students from the lab. We explored The Inner Harbor at night, attended a concert together one weekend, and even got to watch the Orioles lose (to nobody's surprise). Ironically, it's through these new friendships I discovered something unexpected: what I truly love is sharing research.

In the examples above, Renner switches adeptly between long, flowing sentences and quippy, telegraphic ones. At the same time, Renner uses these different sentence lengths intentionally. As they describe their experiences in new places, they use longer sentences to immerse the reader in the sights, smells, and sounds of those experiences. And when it’s time to get a big, key idea across, Renner switches to a short, punchy sentence to stop the reader in their tracks.

The varying syntax and sentence lengths pull the reader into the narrative and set up crucial “aha” moments when it’s most important…which is a surefire way to make any college essay stand out.

Renner's essay is very strong, but there are still a few little things that could be improved.

Connecting the research experiences to the theme of “finding the goldbug.”  The essay begins and ends with Renner’s connection to the idea of “finding the goldbug.” And while this metaphor is deftly tied into the essay’s intro and conclusion, it isn’t entirely clear what Renner’s big findings were during the research experiences that are described in the middle of the essay. It would be great to add a sentence or two stating what Renner’s big takeaways (or “goldbugs”) were from these experiences, which add more cohesion to the essay as a whole.

Give more details about discovering the world of nanomedicine. It makes sense that Renner wants to get into the details of their big research experiences as quickly as possible. After all, these are the details that show Renner’s dedication to nanomedicine! But a smoother transition from the opening pickle car/goldbug story to Renner’s “real goldbug” of nanoparticles would help the reader understand why nanoparticles became Renner’s goldbug. Finding out why Renner is so motivated to study nanomedicine–and perhaps what put them on to this field of study–would help readers fully understand why Renner chose this path in the first place.

4 Essential Tips for Writing Your Own Essay

How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively.

#1: Get Help From the Experts

Getting your college applications together takes a lot of work and can be pretty intimidatin g. Essays are even more important than ever now that admissions processes are changing and schools are going test-optional and removing diversity standards thanks to new Supreme Court rulings .  If you want certified expert help that really makes a difference, get started with  PrepScholar’s Essay Editing and Coaching program. Our program can help you put together an incredible essay from idea to completion so that your application stands out from the crowd. We've helped students get into the best colleges in the United States, including Harvard, Stanford, and Yale.  If you're ready to take the next step and boost your odds of getting into your dream school, connect with our experts today .

#2: Read Other Essays to Get Ideas for Your Own

As you go through the essays we've compiled for you above, ask yourself the following questions:

• Can you explain to yourself (or someone else!) why the opening sentence works well?
• Look for the essay's detailed personal anecdote. What senses is the author describing? Can you easily picture the scene in your mind's eye?
• Find the place where this anecdote bridges into a larger insight about the author. How does the essay connect the two? How does the anecdote work as an example of the author's characteristic, trait, or skill?
• Check out the essay's tone. If it's funny, can you find the places where the humor comes from? If it's sad and moving, can you find the imagery and description of feelings that make you moved? If it's serious, can you see how word choice adds to this tone?

Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it . Is it funny? Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

#3: Find Your "A-Ha!" Moment

All of these essays rely on connecting with the reader through a heartfelt, highly descriptive scene from the author's life. It can either be very dramatic (did you survive a plane crash?) or it can be completely mundane (did you finally beat your dad at Scrabble?). Either way, it should be personal and revealing about you, your personality, and the way you are now that you are entering the adult world.

Check out essays by authors like John Jeremiah Sullivan , Leslie Jamison , Hanif Abdurraqib , and Esmé Weijun Wang to get more examples of how to craft a compelling personal narrative.

#4: Start Early, Revise Often

Let me level with you: the best writing isn't writing at all. It's rewriting. And in order to have time to rewrite, you have to start way before the application deadline. My advice is to write your first draft at least two months before your applications are due.

Let it sit for a few days untouched. Then come back to it with fresh eyes and think critically about what you've written. What's extra? What's missing? What is in the wrong place? What doesn't make sense? Don't be afraid to take it apart and rearrange sections. Do this several times over, and your essay will be much better for it!

For more editing tips, check out a style guide like Dreyer's English or Eats, Shoots & Leaves .

What's Next?

Still not sure which colleges you want to apply to? Our experts will show you how to make a college list that will help you choose a college that's right for you.

Interested in learning more about college essays? Check out our detailed breakdown of exactly how personal statements work in an application , some suggestions on what to avoid when writing your essay , and our guide to writing about your extracurricular activities .

Working on the rest of your application? Read what admissions officers wish applicants knew before applying .

The recommendations in this post are based solely on our knowledge and experience. If you purchase an item through one of our links PrepScholar may receive a commission.

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Ultimate Guide to Writing Your College Essay

Tips for writing an effective college essay.

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Student story: admissions essay about a past mistake, how to write a college application essay, tips for writing an effective application essay, sample college essay 1 with feedback, sample college essay 2 with feedback.

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How to Write a Personal Essay for Your College Application

What does it take to land in the “accept” (instead of “reject”) pile?

How can you write an essay that helps advance you in the eyes of the admissions officers and makes a real impression? Here are some tips to get you started.

• Start early.  Do not leave it until the last minute. Give yourself time when you don’t have other homework or extracurriculars hanging over your head to work on the essay.
• Keep the focus narrow.  Your essay does not have to cover a massive, earth-shattering event. Some people in their teens haven’t experienced a major life event. Some people have. Either way, it’s okay.
• Be yourself.  Whether writing about a painful experience or a more simple experience, use the narrative to be vulnerable and honest about who you are. Use words you would normally use. Trust your voice and the fact that your story is interesting enough in that no one else has lived it.
• Be creative.  “Show, don’t tell,” and that applies here — to an extent. The best essays typically do both. You can help your reader see and feel what you are describing by using some figurative language throughout your piece.
• Make a point. As you finish your final body paragraphs ask yourself “So what?” This will help you hone in on how to end your essay in a way that elevates it into a story about an insight or discovery you made about yourself, rather than just being about an experience you had.

Where your work meets your life. See more from Ascend here .

We’ve all heard about the dreaded “college essay,” the bane of every high school senior’s existence. This daunting element of the college application is something that can create angst for even the most accomplished students.

• AA Amy Allen is a writer, educator, and lifelong learner. Her freelance writing business,  All of the Write Words , focuses on providing high school students with one-on-one feedback to guide them through the college application process and with crafting a thoughtful personal essay. A dedicated poet, Amy’s work has also been published in several journals including  Pine Row Press ,  Months to Years,  and  Atlanta Review .

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Personal University Experience Review Essay

When people go to college they expect that their way of thinking will change from what it was before to something different. Even before you buy your first book, you know you are about to enter an area from which you will never be able to return. Once your mind has been opened, it will be impossible to close it again and the world will take on all new meanings. This seems to be the case no matter what your upbringing or educational experience. It is easy to see that the challenges facing the college community are tremendous. Not only are they expected to find some means of cracking open the sometimes very rusty jaws of intellectual thought in the minds of people who are still largely adolescents suddenly freed of their previous constraints, but they are expected to do this while still maintaining a safe and effective learning environment for adults and cope with the myriad issues that can arise with financial aid, transferring students, official documents, ad nauseam. I must admit, going into college, I was sure I would be entering a world of chaos and confusion where you were either a stuffed shirt academic or a lucky frat boy of the Hollywood variety. This made me somewhat concerned since I like fun as much as anyone, but really wanted to gain significant benefit from my college education. For this reason, I was very careful about choosing which college I would go to and selected the University of Phoenix because it met with all my most important criteria. Now that I’ve had a chance to attend this institution, I have to say that I am satisfied with my experience overall. If I were asked to provide a recommendation for the school, there are some minor things that would cause me to hesitate, but I would probably give it. As with any institution of this type, the university did not meet with all of my expectations and there are areas in which I feel it should improve, but the school has much to offer students at a variety of learning levels and objectives.

The University of Phoenix has a great deal to offer potential students. It is a strong school with a solid academic reputation. One of the things I found particularly helpful was having instructors who had real-world experience in the courses they were teaching. This meant that I was able to learn much more about the practical aspects of my chosen career field and get more in-depth information about what really worked and what was more textbook than true. It’s hard to point out a specific example of this because it was such a widespread benefit to my entire college curriculum. As a simple example that is probably obvious to anyone who’s raised a child but not necessarily to college students such as myself is the idea that all the theories proposed by the great doctors of the past are merely theories of behavior – just because you’re working with a 2-year-old, don’t expect them to be capable of demonstrating all the fine motor skills or thought processes the book says they can do. The benefits I received from instructor experience are far more profound but much more difficult to quantify. Another great benefit of attending this college was its high level of technical expertise and employment. Through the internet, I was able to conduct a great deal of my research at the university library from the comfort of my own room. These types of features enabled me to establish the learning environment best suited to my style of learning rather than attempting to conform to pre-set standards that drove me crazy in my earlier years. This also made it more likely that the school would attract and retain a more mature student body. This element of my education was important to me. I had no interest in attending classes where the instructor was continuously competing for attention from a John Belushi character, but I wanted a friendly and open environment where I could feel secure in exploring the new thoughts and ideas that were occurring to me as I learned. The adult-oriented instruction was just what I’d been hoping for.

Despite all its positive elements, the university did disappoint me in a number of areas. One of the biggest of these was the cost of tuition. I expected the college to cost approximately the same as any other college in the area. When I received the tuition statement, I was shocked to discover the difference between expectation based on admittedly only a small amount of preliminary research and actual cost. At no point in my education at this university did I feel the education I was receiving was so much better than the education I could have received elsewhere that it was worth the extra cost. In this respect I am guilty of behaving like the average consumer, though, and chose to stick it out because it was easier than trying to go through the whole process of transferring to another school and hoping I wouldn’t lose too many hard-earned and expensive credits. This high tuition made it necessary for me to seek financial aid to fund my education. This was another area in which the college failed. The financial aid office was permanently understaffed for the number of students expected and frequently took so long to settle important issues that financial aid awards were processed well after tuition payments were due. Even though the school was willing to make exceptions on tuition payments in these instances, the slow processing inevitably led to stressed nerves, anxious sleepless nights and the over-riding sense of insecurity that distracts one from concentrating on the true reason for being at college – to learn. The final issue I had a big problem with was the level of security at the school. The news today is full of stories of stressed out students and others who are opening fire on others as a means of relieving their pent-up issues. In this area, I have a number of suggestions for improvement.

The security of the school could be improved in a number of ways such as improving the size and range of the university police force, adopting a security escort service and the use of electronic key cards to enter all buildings. One way to provide greater support and security to students is to expand the range of the campus police force into the immediate perimeter around the school. Students should be able to feel safe when they leave campus to go to nearby shopping, dining and entertainment facilities. By increasing the range of the campus police force, the city can gain some assistance in the area around the college, which is usually mostly populated by students and university staff anyway, at the same time that the campus can assure its students protection. While this type of program will necessarily incur expense to the university, the establishment of a security escort service may utilize the volunteerism of the students themselves. This kind of service would provide on-call security escorts for students needing to go out alone on campus and who don’t feel secure doing so. This would reduce the potential for bodily crimes against students committed on campus and add extra eyes to report suspicious activity. Finally, the addition of security keys to access buildings would ensure that only students gain access to the interior areas.

The college could also help to diffuse the potential for violence among students by increasing student services to include crises intervention counseling. A lot of people who get involved in suicidal or murderous behaviors have been struggling with these problems mentally for some time. The problems continue to grow because they have no one to talk to about the frustrations they’re feeling. Some may even realize they need help but don’t know where to get it or can’t afford the treatment programs. Although someone might be able to discover state services, students already stressed about other issues may already be too upset to do this research on their own. By having a call center available, troubled students or students who know of troubled students will have a single, handy number to call where they can get the help they need.

My experience at the University of Phoenix was, overall, a very positive one. I gained a great deal of knowledge that has made it possible for me to progress toward my goals. This education was dramatically improved by the valuable real-world experience of my instructors who were able to tell me what the real world of my career options actually looked like. This helped me refine my ideas of what I really wanted to do at the same time that I was learning the things I needed to know to be a success in that career. There were a number of things that I had problems with at the college, though. Considering the education I received, as good as it was, it is difficult for me to assess just how it was worth that much more in tuition than the local college. This is a question that is probably irritated by the poor service I received in the financial aid office and the stress that was caused as a result of their slow processing of applications. On this point, I am willing to concede that if the financial aid office were more efficient in its function, I might not have such an issue with the tuition cost. A bigger and more concerning issue is the question of campus security, especially when so many colleges seem to be having problems lately. It is in this area that I think the university really needs to improve. I have made a number of suggestions that could be implemented toward this end. Some of these suggestions may not even require any additional investment by the college itself such as the implementation of a volunteer call center or security escort service. While the university is a fine school and was very helpful to me in launching my new career, it has room for improvement.

• Chicago (A-D)
• Chicago (N-B)

IvyPanda. (2021, November 2). Personal University Experience Review. https://ivypanda.com/essays/personal-university-experience-review/

"Personal University Experience Review." IvyPanda , 2 Nov. 2021, ivypanda.com/essays/personal-university-experience-review/.

IvyPanda . (2021) 'Personal University Experience Review'. 2 November.

IvyPanda . 2021. "Personal University Experience Review." November 2, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/personal-university-experience-review/.

1. IvyPanda . "Personal University Experience Review." November 2, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/personal-university-experience-review/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Personal University Experience Review." November 2, 2021. https://ivypanda.com/essays/personal-university-experience-review/.

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Home — Essay Samples — Education — Why Is College Important — The First Semester in College: Personal Experience

My First Year College Experience

• Categories: College Education College Experience Why Is College Important

About this sample

Words: 1214 |

Published: Aug 30, 2022

Words: 1214 | Pages: 3 | 7 min read

Works Cited

• Bruni, Frank. “How to Get the Most Out of College.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 17 Aug. 2018,

Should follow an “upside down” triangle format, meaning, the writer should start off broad and introduce the text and author or topic being discussed, and then get more specific to the thesis statement.

Cornerstone of the essay, presenting the central argument that will be elaborated upon and supported with evidence and analysis throughout the rest of the paper.

The topic sentence serves as the main point or focus of a paragraph in an essay, summarizing the key idea that will be discussed in that paragraph.

The body of each paragraph builds an argument in support of the topic sentence, citing information from sources as evidence.

After each piece of evidence is provided, the author should explain HOW and WHY the evidence supports the claim.

Should follow a right side up triangle format, meaning, specifics should be mentioned first such as restating the thesis, and then get more broad about the topic at hand. Lastly, leave the reader with something to think about and ponder once they are done reading.

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• Example of a great essay | Explanations, tips & tricks

Example of a Great Essay | Explanations, Tips & Tricks

Published on February 9, 2015 by Shane Bryson . Revised on July 23, 2023 by Shona McCombes.

This example guides you through the structure of an essay. It shows how to build an effective introduction , focused paragraphs , clear transitions between ideas, and a strong conclusion .

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Other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about writing an essay, an appeal to the senses: the development of the braille system in nineteenth-century france.

The invention of Braille was a major turning point in the history of disability. The writing system of raised dots used by visually impaired people was developed by Louis Braille in nineteenth-century France. In a society that did not value disabled people in general, blindness was particularly stigmatized, and lack of access to reading and writing was a significant barrier to social participation. The idea of tactile reading was not entirely new, but existing methods based on sighted systems were difficult to learn and use. As the first writing system designed for blind people’s needs, Braille was a groundbreaking new accessibility tool. It not only provided practical benefits, but also helped change the cultural status of blindness. This essay begins by discussing the situation of blind people in nineteenth-century Europe. It then describes the invention of Braille and the gradual process of its acceptance within blind education. Subsequently, it explores the wide-ranging effects of this invention on blind people’s social and cultural lives.

Lack of access to reading and writing put blind people at a serious disadvantage in nineteenth-century society. Text was one of the primary methods through which people engaged with culture, communicated with others, and accessed information; without a well-developed reading system that did not rely on sight, blind people were excluded from social participation (Weygand, 2009). While disabled people in general suffered from discrimination, blindness was widely viewed as the worst disability, and it was commonly believed that blind people were incapable of pursuing a profession or improving themselves through culture (Weygand, 2009). This demonstrates the importance of reading and writing to social status at the time: without access to text, it was considered impossible to fully participate in society. Blind people were excluded from the sighted world, but also entirely dependent on sighted people for information and education.

In France, debates about how to deal with disability led to the adoption of different strategies over time. While people with temporary difficulties were able to access public welfare, the most common response to people with long-term disabilities, such as hearing or vision loss, was to group them together in institutions (Tombs, 1996). At first, a joint institute for the blind and deaf was created, and although the partnership was motivated more by financial considerations than by the well-being of the residents, the institute aimed to help people develop skills valuable to society (Weygand, 2009). Eventually blind institutions were separated from deaf institutions, and the focus shifted towards education of the blind, as was the case for the Royal Institute for Blind Youth, which Louis Braille attended (Jimenez et al, 2009). The growing acknowledgement of the uniqueness of different disabilities led to more targeted education strategies, fostering an environment in which the benefits of a specifically blind education could be more widely recognized.

Several different systems of tactile reading can be seen as forerunners to the method Louis Braille developed, but these systems were all developed based on the sighted system. The Royal Institute for Blind Youth in Paris taught the students to read embossed roman letters, a method created by the school’s founder, Valentin Hauy (Jimenez et al., 2009). Reading this way proved to be a rather arduous task, as the letters were difficult to distinguish by touch. The embossed letter method was based on the reading system of sighted people, with minimal adaptation for those with vision loss. As a result, this method did not gain significant success among blind students.

Louis Braille was bound to be influenced by his school’s founder, but the most influential pre-Braille tactile reading system was Charles Barbier’s night writing. A soldier in Napoleon’s army, Barbier developed a system in 1819 that used 12 dots with a five line musical staff (Kersten, 1997). His intention was to develop a system that would allow the military to communicate at night without the need for light (Herron, 2009). The code developed by Barbier was phonetic (Jimenez et al., 2009); in other words, the code was designed for sighted people and was based on the sounds of words, not on an actual alphabet. Barbier discovered that variants of raised dots within a square were the easiest method of reading by touch (Jimenez et al., 2009). This system proved effective for the transmission of short messages between military personnel, but the symbols were too large for the fingertip, greatly reducing the speed at which a message could be read (Herron, 2009). For this reason, it was unsuitable for daily use and was not widely adopted in the blind community.

Nevertheless, Barbier’s military dot system was more efficient than Hauy’s embossed letters, and it provided the framework within which Louis Braille developed his method. Barbier’s system, with its dashes and dots, could form over 4000 combinations (Jimenez et al., 2009). Compared to the 26 letters of the Latin alphabet, this was an absurdly high number. Braille kept the raised dot form, but developed a more manageable system that would reflect the sighted alphabet. He replaced Barbier’s dashes and dots with just six dots in a rectangular configuration (Jimenez et al., 2009). The result was that the blind population in France had a tactile reading system using dots (like Barbier’s) that was based on the structure of the sighted alphabet (like Hauy’s); crucially, this system was the first developed specifically for the purposes of the blind.

While the Braille system gained immediate popularity with the blind students at the Institute in Paris, it had to gain acceptance among the sighted before its adoption throughout France. This support was necessary because sighted teachers and leaders had ultimate control over the propagation of Braille resources. Many of the teachers at the Royal Institute for Blind Youth resisted learning Braille’s system because they found the tactile method of reading difficult to learn (Bullock & Galst, 2009). This resistance was symptomatic of the prevalent attitude that the blind population had to adapt to the sighted world rather than develop their own tools and methods. Over time, however, with the increasing impetus to make social contribution possible for all, teachers began to appreciate the usefulness of Braille’s system (Bullock & Galst, 2009), realizing that access to reading could help improve the productivity and integration of people with vision loss. It took approximately 30 years, but the French government eventually approved the Braille system, and it was established throughout the country (Bullock & Galst, 2009).

Although Blind people remained marginalized throughout the nineteenth century, the Braille system granted them growing opportunities for social participation. Most obviously, Braille allowed people with vision loss to read the same alphabet used by sighted people (Bullock & Galst, 2009), allowing them to participate in certain cultural experiences previously unavailable to them. Written works, such as books and poetry, had previously been inaccessible to the blind population without the aid of a reader, limiting their autonomy. As books began to be distributed in Braille, this barrier was reduced, enabling people with vision loss to access information autonomously. The closing of the gap between the abilities of blind and the sighted contributed to a gradual shift in blind people’s status, lessening the cultural perception of the blind as essentially different and facilitating greater social integration.

The Braille system also had important cultural effects beyond the sphere of written culture. Its invention later led to the development of a music notation system for the blind, although Louis Braille did not develop this system himself (Jimenez, et al., 2009). This development helped remove a cultural obstacle that had been introduced by the popularization of written musical notation in the early 1500s. While music had previously been an arena in which the blind could participate on equal footing, the transition from memory-based performance to notation-based performance meant that blind musicians were no longer able to compete with sighted musicians (Kersten, 1997). As a result, a tactile musical notation system became necessary for professional equality between blind and sighted musicians (Kersten, 1997).

Braille paved the way for dramatic cultural changes in the way blind people were treated and the opportunities available to them. Louis Braille’s innovation was to reimagine existing reading systems from a blind perspective, and the success of this invention required sighted teachers to adapt to their students’ reality instead of the other way around. In this sense, Braille helped drive broader social changes in the status of blindness. New accessibility tools provide practical advantages to those who need them, but they can also change the perspectives and attitudes of those who do not.

Bullock, J. D., & Galst, J. M. (2009). The Story of Louis Braille. Archives of Ophthalmology , 127(11), 1532. https://​doi.org/10.1001/​archophthalmol.2009.286.

Herron, M. (2009, May 6). Blind visionary. Retrieved from https://​eandt.theiet.org/​content/​articles/2009/05/​blind-visionary/.

Jiménez, J., Olea, J., Torres, J., Alonso, I., Harder, D., & Fischer, K. (2009). Biography of Louis Braille and Invention of the Braille Alphabet. Survey of Ophthalmology , 54(1), 142–149. https://​doi.org/10.1016/​j.survophthal.2008.10.006.

Kersten, F.G. (1997). The history and development of Braille music methodology. The Bulletin of Historical Research in Music Education , 18(2). Retrieved from https://​www.jstor.org/​stable/40214926.

Mellor, C.M. (2006). Louis Braille: A touch of genius . Boston: National Braille Press.

Tombs, R. (1996). France: 1814-1914 . London: Pearson Education Ltd.

Weygand, Z. (2009). The blind in French society from the Middle Ages to the century of Louis Braille . Stanford: Stanford University Press.

If you want to know more about AI tools , college essays , or fallacies make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples or go directly to our tools!

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An essay is a focused piece of writing that explains, argues, describes, or narrates.

In high school, you may have to write many different types of essays to develop your writing skills.

Academic essays at college level are usually argumentative : you develop a clear thesis about your topic and make a case for your position using evidence, analysis and interpretation.

The structure of an essay is divided into an introduction that presents your topic and thesis statement , a body containing your in-depth analysis and arguments, and a conclusion wrapping up your ideas.

The structure of the body is flexible, but you should always spend some time thinking about how you can organize your essay to best serve your ideas.

Your essay introduction should include three main things, in this order:

• An opening hook to catch the reader’s attention.
• Relevant background information that the reader needs to know.
• A thesis statement that presents your main point or argument.

The length of each part depends on the length and complexity of your essay .

A thesis statement is a sentence that sums up the central point of your paper or essay . Everything else you write should relate to this key idea.

A topic sentence is a sentence that expresses the main point of a paragraph . Everything else in the paragraph should relate to the topic sentence.

At college level, you must properly cite your sources in all essays , research papers , and other academic texts (except exams and in-class exercises).

Add a citation whenever you quote , paraphrase , or summarize information or ideas from a source. You should also give full source details in a bibliography or reference list at the end of your text.

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Making the most of your university experience

An international student in canada shares her tips on balancing academic, social and career aspirations at university.

• Study abroad

Mobolaji Edun

People go to university for a variety of reasons: it might be for a degree, or it is simply the next step in life, or your parents expect it of you, or you want to make the most out of life. Whatever the reason, the university experience is different for everyone.

Professors, friends and parents are important parts of having the best university experience. Professors are crucial in challenging you to do better and to bring out your best in class. Friends are your supportive base, the ones who understand what you are going through – because they are probably going through the same – and root for you. Parents are the ones who love you unconditionally, believe in you and encourage you when you are at the brink of giving up.

First and foremost, you have to think about how to do well in your academic studies. Regardless of the different reasons people go to university, these are very important. The basic things we hear every day are very true:

• You need sleep. I cannot emphasise that enough. Once you get at least eight hours of sleep, everything falls into place. You start your day energised and refreshed.
• Also, breakfast is such an important meal and the easiest meal to skip, but do not skip it.
• It is also important to attend classes and talk to your professors. It challenges you to do better.

Believe it or not, your social life is also another important way of making the most out of university. We hear all the time, “Oh, you can make it as long as you have the connections”. Guess what? University allows you make those connections because everyone knows everyone in one way or another. Putting your head in your books all day, every day fulfils only one part of your university experience.

Trust me, your social life in university puts your life in balance.  In my first year, I was all about my books and books and books. Especially thinking about how much your parents are paying, you just want to be buried in your books.

Then first year was over and summer came and I wanted a job, but because I did not make enough “connections”, if I may say, my job search was limited to what I could find online. I did not have the luxury of someone saying “Oh, MJ! There’s an opening at the firm I work at” or “MJ! I told my boss that you would be great for this position and you have a meeting with him on Monday.” So you see, your social life is as important as studying hard. You have to learn how to balance it all. That’s the key to success.

Top 10 university hacks from some of the UK’s most successful students and graduates

Last but not the least, work while you are in school. It can be an internship; it can be joining a club as an active member such as treasurer or vice-president, or a part-time job. Whatever it is, build your résumé because when you graduate and you venture into the job field they ask for your experience as well as your degree. They go hand in hand. Get experience in your field while you are still in school, volunteer, be an intern. Whatever it is, get the work experience so that when you graduate you are well-rounded. You can look back at your university experience knowing that you made the most out of it. You know how to balance academic study, social life and work; you will realise that your time-management skills have improved. Look at that, a plus for you! 

University makes you grow, and you learn more about yourself every day. You can have it all with the university experience. Believe that anything you want, you can make it yours and you will get the most out of life in general. Create an experience of a lifetime at university and be you!

Mobolaji (MJ) Edun is based in Toronto, Canada. She is a student at the University of Toronto , the Class of 2016. 

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• 7 Ways to Make Your University Experience Even Better

If you’re a new university student, or shortly to be one, you’ve probably read a lot of advice on what to do when you get to university.

Presumably, you’ve already learned that you shouldn’t expect Freshers’ Week to be the be-all and end-all of your university experience, that making friends at university is easier than you might think, and that a diet that consists solely of instant noodles is best avoided if you don’t want to catch scurvy in your second term. You might even have picked up a few tips about why it really is important to attend the library tour, even if you have to miss out on free pizza from the Comedy Society to attend. So in this article, we assuming you know how to have a good university experience already. Here are our top tips for taking a great university experience – and making it even better.

1. Get to know a wider variety of people

You’ll have read how easy it can be to make friends at university, but those friends tend to come from three main sources: your first-year flatmates, the other people on your course, and the other members of your favourite society. If, for example, you’re studying Law , and living with mostly Law students, and spend a lot of your free time at Law Society events, you might find that your social circle is a little bit limited. Big, all-consuming courses like Law and Medicine are particularly prone to this, but it can happen regardless of your course and social circle.

But one of the best things about university is the opportunity it affords you to meet new people and try out new things, and those opportunities are potentially limited if you spend your entire three years or more with the same group of people. Trying to meet people from outside your course is well worth it, because that’s when you really start to learn about the opportunities that are available to you. It might be that you go to events that most of your friends would never consider attending, get introduced to future career paths that are out of the ordinary for people on your course, or simply get exposed to new opinions and perspectives that your main group of friends wouldn’t hold. This is especially true when it comes to spending time with people from outside your university, which isn’t something that most students routinely do, at least in term-time – but there’s a world beyond student nights and what’s on in halls, and it’s through non-university friends that you’re likely to find out about it.

2. Don’t worry if you don’t have a conventional student experience

The conventional student experience goes something like this: lots of parties, lots of time spent in clubs, lots of takeaways, minimal money left over for anything else, lots of time in the library when there’s a last-minute essay deadline but not much studying otherwise, lots of time spent with a tight-knit group of flatmates, very little cleaning or tidying, etc., etc.

There are lots of reasons why you might not have a conventional student experience. For instance, you might be on a course with lots of compulsory taught hours, meaning that doing nothing for eight months then panicking is not a viable option even if you wanted it to be. You might not have much in common with your flatmates, and prefer to spend time elsewhere. You might be an introvert and hate spending too much time in large groups of people. Most often, it simply doesn’t sound like the kind of thing you enjoy. Perhaps that’s because you came to university because you really love your subject and want to throw yourself into it; or perhaps you prefer to be tucked up in bed by 10pm rather than on a dancefloor somewhere. Whatever the reasons may be, rest assured that you’re probably not missing out. Some people have a conventional university experience and love it, but the majority of people don’t, and they still have a great time doing whatever it is that they prefer to do. So if you’re enjoying yourself but wondering if you’re missing out on something fantastic because there are elements of the traditional student experience that you’re not really into (which might not be the parties, but instead something like getting involved with societies – that’s OK too!), don’t let it concern you, and enjoy doing what you’re into instead.

3. Give yourself a routine

When you first get to university, it can feel brilliant not to have a routine. That’s especially the case if you’re studying a course with relatively few taught hours. You become the boss of your own time in a way that you almost certainly weren’t at school; you can get up to watch the dawn one day and lie in until 2pm the next, and as long as you’re getting your work done at some point, there’s absolutely nothing to stop you. Why are students known for their adventures? Because they have the free time to be spontaneous if they want to.

It’s a good idea to make the most of these opportunities. However, by the time you’re getting into second year (or in some cases, your second term), the shine might be starting to wear off. Not making plans and being spontaneous can result in a dodgy sleep cycle and no advance plans made, so instead of having fun, you’re spending hours watching Netflix and then frantically trying to catch up on work that you didn’t factor in any time to get done. This is when having a routine comes in handy. If you know that you’re going to spend this many hours in the library on these particular days, and  that means you’ll get enough work done to give yourself the weekend off, you’ll be in a better position to avoid procrastination and make plans to do exciting things in the knowledge that you’ll definitely have enough free time available.

4. Keep an eye out for great opportunities

Some of the opportunities that university life has to offer will be easy to find out about – perhaps they’ll be in emails from the Student Union, or if you’re in a larger lecture theatre, someone might even come in at the beginning or the end to talk to you about them. Of course, if you don’t read your emails or pay attention when someone other than your lecturer is talking in a lecture, you’ll miss out even on this.

But some opportunities that are available to you as a student are things you might have to put a bit more effort both into finding out about and into accessing. That might mean trawling through websites, setting up Google alerts, or taking the time to have conversations with your tutors or with the Student Union. What kind of opportunities are we talking about? There’s a wide range that are accessible to students. It might be a great internship at a really exciting company – that’s the sort of thing that might be listed on your university careers website, but that you’ll never find about if you don’t visit that site. Or it might be a student discount that’s available on your favourite products, but not clearly advertised, so you have to know to ask for it. Or there might be classes available that don’t contribute to your grade, but that would be fascinating to take all the same. Do some research and reap the rewards.

5. Work part-time if you can (but keep your hours low)

Working part-time at university can be a very worthwhile experience. Even if you’re only working in a cafe or doing some tutoring, rather than something relevant to your future career, it’s still good for your CV that you showed up and did a job that you might not have found all that interesting. And if it does happen to be something relevant for your future career, so much the better – because it might be a stepping-stone to a full-time job once you graduate.

The other big advantage of having a part-time job, of course, is that it allows you to supplement your student loan with some extra cash. This can be great for taking the pinch off a student lifestyle – enabling you to buy the non-basics cheese, or even reducing the amount of debt that you graduate with. At the same time, it’s best to keep your hours low. A recommended maximum is 15 hours per week, and 10 is preferable. Some universities (notably Oxford and Cambridge ) actually prohibit their students from taking part-time jobs during term-time, but then they have shorter terms than most other universities, enabling their students to get short-term jobs outside of term-time. Working 10 hours per week enables you to get most of the benefits in terms of experience, CV boost and a bit of extra cash, without causing you to struggle to keep up with your university workload.

6. Conquer your impostor syndrome

Impostor syndrome is the feeling that whatever you’re achieved and whatever level you’ve reached, you have no right to be there; it’s when you feel like a fraud who hasn’t really earned what they’ve received. If you’re at a top university – especially if you didn’t expect to get in – having a feeling of impostor syndrome is not at all unusual. It can work the other way as well; if you’ve never had to work particularly hard for your grades and always knew that you would be able to get in, it can also feel like you haven’t worked for your place to the same extent as everyone else there. Either way, lots of your fellow students will feel the same.

Yet impostor syndrome can damage your university experience. It might prevent you from asking questions in lectures or contributing in tutorials, in case you’re “unmasked”. Or it might prevent you from taking up opportunities, such as getting into classes with limited space, because you think that other people are more deserving. But impostor syndrome is actually more common among high achievers, especially high-achieving women (though men experience it as well; the writer Neil Gaiman has spoken about it in the past). If you are feeling like you haven’t earned your right to be at university, it’s best to try and get over it as quickly as possible. After all, it suggests a certain lack of faith in your university’s admissions procedures if they weren’t able to judge properly who was good enough to be there and who wasn’t – and you were good enough to make the cut.

7. Get to know your lecturers

Of all the things that can make a good university experience great, getting to know their lecturers is the one that students most often neglect. And it’s understandable; while some lecturers who primarily interact with smaller groups of students can be very approachable, and might even take a group of students out to a cafe or host a Christmas party for them, others can be much less friendly.

Getting to know your lecturers doesn’t mean that you’re going to be inviting them to your next party (don’t do this!) but it means that you might feel comfortable asking for more feedback on an essay, getting their recommendations for further study, and ultimately asking them for a reference when you apply for a job. Getting to that stage might involve getting yourself noticed, for instance by asking interesting and worthwhile questions in their lectures. You might also go along to their office hours, again with a worthwhile question, and have a chat. There are some academics who regard teaching as nothing but a chore and won’t want to engage with you any more than they have to, but others will appreciate the opportunity to help you go further – but in order to get that far, you will need to get to the point where they feel their efforts will be worthwhile. Once you have got to know a particular lecturer better, make sure the relationship isn’t only going one way; if they give you tips for extra reading, or some bonus feedback on a piece of work, make sure that you thank them sincerely so that they know the time they have put into helping you was appreciated.

If you’re a current undergraduate, what has made your university experience great?

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08 May , 2021

Are You Making These Mistakes in Your Essay?

Most typical mistakes in a college essay

Starting a new chapter of your life by entering college is always frustrating. Especially, when you almost physically feel the load of responsibility. To earn a place in a college of your dream you need to work hard - and make a good self-representation for an admission committee. How? By sending them a flawless college essay. This is one of the most essential part of the file.

Do you want to be sure your essay is unique and appealing? Check the most typical mistakes you might make in an essay!

Long writing. Of course, you want to highlight all the best qualities and part you have. But let's be honest, admission committee is usually flooded with the applications. They simply have no time for a long read!

Not using help. The thought "I write my essay myself" seems quite proud... And at the same time, it's a bit stupid. If you have not done it before or read a couple of examples on the Internet, that won't help you to reach the ideal result.

Not following the proper format. A professional essay writer can make the job done fast and easy, because he knows the template, follow the plan and had already made hundreds of unique and remarkable pieces or writing.

Mentioning wrong things. Essay is not a composition where you can express whatever you want. It requires time, ideas and an interesting story.

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What should you do to make your piece of writing outstanding and remarkable? We can give several recommendations. First, don't rely on your own skills only. Second, remember about strong parts. And third, be confident in a positive result when ordering a writing help!

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Extracurriculars.

5 Carnegie Mellon Essay Examples

What’s covered:, essay example #1 – computer science, essay example #2 – healthy self-definition, essay example #3 – future business major, essay example #4 – future international relations major.

• Essay Example # 5 – Politics
• Where to Get Your Carnegie Mellon Essay Edited

Carnegie Mellon University (CMU) is a school with both impressive technical programs and outstanding creative programs. Because of the university’s multifaceted academic success and the tremendous opportunities students have after graduation, CMU is highly renowned and boasts a low acceptance rate.

In this post, we will go over essays real students have submitted to Carnegie Mellon. We will also share what each essay did well and where they could be improved to inspire your writing.   Names and identifying information have been changed, but all other details are preserved.

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Read our Carnegie Mellon essay breakdown to get a comprehensive overview of this year’s supplemental prompts. 

Prompt: Many students pursue college for a specific degree, career opportunity, or personal goal. Whichever it may be, learning will be critical to achieving your ultimate goal. As you think ahead to the process of learning during your college years, how will you define a successful college experience? (300 words)

7:30 am… As I open my eyes, I look at the pinboard in front of my bed. Written in red block letters are two of the many goals of my life: “Make life better and more independent for the Visually impaired; Inspire kids to explore the field of STEM, making them the future problem solvers.”

9:00 am… Keeping these goals afresh in mind, I freshen up and get ready for the first class of the day, 16-385 Computer Vision, with Professor Ioannis Gkioulekas. As he explains the Applications of Neural Networks in Object identification, a light bulb sparks in my mind: I can modify the head contraption of SPECULUR to identify objects in peripheral vision and alert the wearer via an earpiece using Text to Speech (TTS). 

1:00 pm… After class, I find myself at the CI2CV Lab for Computer Vision, where I brainstorm ways to implement my idea successfully. Frustrated after repeatedly getting bugs in my algorithm, I am surrounded by problem-hungry tartans ready to collaborate with me in no time.

3:00 pm… After lunch, I head off to the Gates and Hillman complex to meet up with Gavin Deiss, an executive board member at Teknowledge, as we discuss ways to open teacher positions for high school students. I propose, “We can include students from AiGoLearning India and teach them a global coding curriculum.”

For me, a successful college learning experience at CMU comprises many things like exploring the unparalleled curriculum, innovative labs, and facilities. However, above all is the resource of people, including my fellow tartans and scholarly professors. The diverse experiences and unique backgrounds they bring cannot be found anywhere else; hence I want to assimilate all the insights I can gather from them, during my time at CMU.

What the Essay Did Well

If you are looking for a way to play with the structure of your essay, this is a great way to go! By describing their ideal day at CMU, we get to see this student’s interests, motivations, aspirations, and drive. Not only that, the essay flows nicely and effortlessly transitions to new ideas by jumping ahead in the schedule.

When students try to employ this schedule-style of an essay they often just discuss their class schedule and maybe an extracurricular activity. This is good, but this student goes above by starting the essay in their dorm and clearly showing us what motivates them with their sticky notes: “ Make life better and more independent for the Visually impaired; Inspire kids to explore the field of STEM, making them the future problem solvers.”  They also include them working at a lab outside of class, which is a nice bridge between their academic and extracurricular interests.

Although they only highlight three opportunities at CMU, the level of detail and elaboration for each one is infinitely more important than a long list of classes and clubs. When they discuss the class, the student incorporates key topics from the class and explains an original idea they develop as a result of being in class. Notice how that’s a bit different than simply name-dropping the course and professor? We also get told about them finding bugs in the algorithm (a common experience that humanizes the student) and we get snippets of a conversation they have at their meeting.

The structure this student chose serves this essay very well until the final paragraph. Breaking from the established pattern of following a daily schedule abruptly disturbs the flow of the essay and makes the ending more mundane than the preceding paragraphs. To fix this, the student should have kept the same style throughout their response.

They don’t need to tell us “ a successful college learning experience at CMU comprises many things like exploring the unparalleled curriculum, innovative labs, and facilities, ” because we saw that in each paragraph. The important aspect of their conclusion is the “ resource of people ,” as they say. This could have been highlighted in a paragraph like this:

“ 8:00pm… Squished between friends from my Biomedical Engineering class and my badminton club on the couch in the common room, I take in the diverse perspectives all coming together to settle the argument of East Coast versus West Coast once and for all. Where else but here would I be a part of such a colorful community?

11:30pm… I drift off to sleep, excited to do it all again tomorrow. “

Prompt: Consider your application as a whole. What do you personally want to emphasize about your application for the admission committee’s consideration? Highlight something that’s important to you or something you haven’t had a chance to share. Tell us, don’t show us (no websites please). (300 words)

I will never forget the feeling I had in Kindergarten when I received a failing grade because I couldn’t answer the question “where do you live?” It was a simple question, one that my classmates answered with ease. I was, however, struck by the recounting of my private home life. The 2009 recession left my family homeless and broke, living in the basement of a close friend. While we were fortunate to have somewhere to sleep, my family, especially me, internalized the negative sentiments from everyone we knew at the time. While my Kindergarten teacher didn’t mean any harm, the question reinforced my feeling of inferiority. No matter what I said, there were serious diminutions to my character: being honest about my homelessness or being dishonest about my own circumstances. I ultimately responded with the latter, saying “I don’t know.”

That day, I accepted the failing grade, and this moment became a stepping stone to a now valuable trait: healthy self-definition. Healthy self-definition relies on improving the objective truths of myself and fixing lacking characteristics into better ones. Lying to my Kindergarten teacher wasn’t healthy nor ethical to do, but the action of choosing who I wanted to be sparked the desire for healthy self-definition throughout high school. For example, I redefined myself from a dispassionate pianist to an authentic music producer. I used track and field to redefine my lack of athleticism growing up and eventually became a top-three sophomore 400-meter hurdler at my school. I had extreme social anxiety, so I used the Tech in Music Club to redefine my social ability and practice leadership and public speaking skills. In all weak aspects of my character and identity, I improved and continue to improve through these healthy redefinitions. Like Kindergarten me, I refuse to be defined by my circumstances.

This essay’s main strength is its content. At its core, this essay tells a beautiful story where a student transformed tragic circumstances into tremendous self-growth. That is exactly the kind of student that a university wants to admit!

The prompt here is very open-ended. From the point of view of admissions, it asks “what else do you want to tell us?” To a student, this can be read as “what additional information will help us get to know you and want you ?” This student identified their ability to see weaknesses as opportunities for improvement—which they label “healthy self-definition”—as something CMU would want, then used a specific anecdote to show that ability.

In addition to the content, this student followed a tried-and-true essay structure that allowed for an engaging, yet reflective essay. Opening with an anecdote, looking back on the experience, explaining the broader implications, and then tying the conclusion back to the anecdote is a simple, but effective, structure to use for your essay.

What Could Be Improved 

While the anecdote/reflection structure can facilitate an engaging essay, this student falls flat with their static writing. Essentially, the story is engaging, but the way the student writes it doesn’t do it justice. It’s repetitive, confusing, and a bit boring at times.

For example, in the first paragraph, the following phrases and sentences are all getting at the same idea and could be condensed into one concise sentence:

• “I was, however, struck by the recounting of my private home life.”
• “…my family, especially me, internalized the negative sentiments from everyone we knew at the time…”
• “…the question reinforced my feeling of inferiority…”

With regards to the second paragraph, the student introduces a value that they call “ healthy self-definition. ” When describing “ healthy self-definition, ” the student is simultaneously repetitive and unclear. The current writing requires too much energy on the part of the reader to parse through what is being said. If the student provided a concise definition of “healthy self-definition” before giving the examples from their life, this paragraph would work better. 

With some simple reorganization and more dynamic writing, the paragraph could be as follows:

“That’s when I established a personal value that I now call “healthy self-definition”—of course, it took about a decade for five-year-old me to figure out the name for my value. Healthy self-definition, at its core, means that I take time to identify my weaknesses, then redefine them as strengths. I acknowledge who I am, then find opportunities for improvement. 

I’m a dispassionate pianist, turned authentic music producer. I’m a struggling athlete, turned “top-three Cedar High hurdler.” I used to nervously linger at the back of club meetings, but now I run the very same meetings. No one could dare call me weak when I’m constantly redefining my weaknesses as strengths. Just like Kindergarten me, I will not be defined by my circumstances.”

Prompt: Most students choose their intended major or area of study based on a passion or inspiration that’s developed over time – what passion or inspiration led you to choose this area of study? (300 words)

In fifth grade, my mother arranged a business for me and some friends. We must support a local business and donate our profits towards a good cause. Three ten-year-old kids, with money borrowed from our parents, purchased handmade crafts and ornaments made by disabled workers to resell. I led the operation. Scheduled for several weekends at a public market square, the commerce commenced. Despite my excitement running my first ever business, as the night arrived and the market awoke from its peaceful slumber, surging stranger anxiety stumped me. With adults swamping the space, my body unconsciously cowered. Embarrassment overwhelmed me, and I stood only able to stare at passing customers with my lips sewn shut. After the first night, three kids on the verge of tears sold two knitted dolls. My mother, sensing a crumbling business as its workers became paralyzed by fear, advised me, “As a leader, your job is to accomplish your goals not by yourself, but with your team.” Though not the typical cheers, my mother’s words roused the leader from within me. Wiping away my tears, I reconvened the team and restrategized. We assigned responsibilities: attracting customers, advertising, and collecting payments. Writing out our sales pitches and practicing with each other, we reunited with the sight of profits. The second weekend started: to every corner of the streets, we asked every possible customer. Our efforts paid off. At the end of that night, we sold out. Next weekend, us businessmen along with our parents went shopping using our profits. Looking at the Barbie dolls, stuffed animals, and model cars neatly wrapped, I proudly dropped the Christmas gifts at the local children’s cancer hospital. My first business endeavor taught me a crucial purpose of entrepreneurship: the ability to strengthen networks of people and make positive social changes.

This essay prompt is the classic “Why This Major?” essay,   which asks you to detail your interest in the field and your professional goals. The writer elaborates on their motivation to pursue entrepreneurship through a fitting anecdote about their first time leading a business.

The author shares genuine reasons that make entrepreneurship exciting to them, such as developing leadership skills and making positive social change. These are authentic reasons for pursuing their major that stay away from the superficial motives for pursuing a major such as money or prestige.

Additionally, throughout this entire essay the writer keeps their audience captivated by employing strong use of imagery. It almost feels as if one is right in the middle of the market with the writer as they struggle to navigate the chaos of the market. The line “Embarrassment overwhelmed me, and I stood only able to stare at passing customers with my lips sewn shut” makes the reader feel just as anxious as the author is in the moment. And it feels even better to the reader when the author sells out the entire stock of crafts and ornaments the following night and donates the money to charity. 

As the essay progresses, it’s hard not to wonder what is going to happen next, and the story strings together very nicely, despite having a limited word count. By the end of the essay, the reader has a better understanding of why this student has chosen to pursue entrepreneurship, because they have shared an exciting lived experience that captures the ups and downs of a fast-paced, turbulent major.

All in all, this essay was well written and the author’s point came across well. However, a few items could be slightly improved, including a few syntax errors, poor transition statements and slight thematic inconsistency. 

The second sentence of this essay “We must support a local business and donate our profits towards a good cause” appears a bit out of place and may be better suited in quotes as the mother appears to be speaking these lines. Alternatively, the writer could have rephrased to something like “We were tasked with supporting a local business…”

Similarly, in the last sentence, the author says their motivation for pursuing entrepreneurship is the “ability to strengthen networks of people,” when it may have been more succinct and less clunky to say something along the lines of “the ability to bring people together.”

Another area of improvement for the essay comes in the middle, when the author’s mother “roused the leader” within them. The author could have expanded on why their mother’s words roused them to overcome the daunting obstacle, but instead missed the opportunity to explain why they felt inspired to continue selling ornaments at the marketplace. The author may have even suggested that by overcoming their challenges at the market, they would accomplish their ultimate goal of donating their profits to charity, highlighting their sense of altruism.

The final sentence even states that the author intends to pursue entrepreneurship to make a positive social impact. However, in a thematic sense, this idea is not consistently present throughout the essay. If the author were to include more details about their desire and motivation to donate their profits to charity throughout the essay, this point would have been much more understandable.

Finally, the essay is hard to follow because it’s only one paragraph. The flow would’ve been improved if the author broke the essay up into a few shorter paragraphs.

At 8 years old, I learned that Democrats were donkeys and Republicans were elephants. By 11, I had decided which one I wanted to be. By 14, I discovered I didn’t have to be an elephant or a donkey—the political world was not black and white, but instead multifaceted with many moving parts. As I explored programming through high school, I learned how politics and computer science could be intertwined to enact change exponentially. For the Congressional App Challenge, I developed the winning app, which allows parents to sustainably trade outgrown children’s clothing. Everything in this process, from surveying real families with this need to perfecting the front end design, showed me how coding could easily be geared toward social progress. 

Beyond programming, interning for a state non-profit encouraging Muslims to participate in politics showed me the real potential of computational politics. Big data analysis was a common skill I utilized when encouraging people to vote in the 2022 general election. What furthered my interest was attending a Kode With Klossy event in New York City: I not only spent the day workshopping with Swift and iOS app development, but also heard the stories of activist Sofia Ongele, a pioneer for young women in STEM. 

Discussing sanctions and China’s Uyghur Muslim crisis with U.S. Representative Jim McGovern was my first look into the workings of international conflict resolution. The power systems behind diplomacy became a point of fascination for me. Whether it was marching miles chanting “No Justice, No Peace” in June 2020 or debating as Elizabeth Warren in my ninth grade mock democratic primary, I have taken every stride to involve myself politically. Majoring in international relations and politics and minoring in science, technology and society at Carnegie Mellon is the next step in furthering my involvement.

This essay is another great example of the “Why This Major?” archetype. The author shares why the intersection of technology and politics is the perfect fit for her, through her unique experiences and background.

The introduction is a captivating one, which follows her evolving understanding of politics. Starting with a simplistic view of “Democrats as donkeys and Republicans as elephants” at a young age, the writer matures and recognizes the complexity of the political landscape as she enters high school. This progression implicitly showcases her thoughtfulness and willingness to challenge existing beliefs which are critical to any career in politics and international relations.

Additionally, the essay adeptly integrates the realms of computer science and politics. The author provides a unique combination of academic interests that most applicants would otherwise shy away from. The writer’s successful development of an app for the Congressional App Challenge exemplifies her ability to utilize coding for social progress. By mentioning the process of surveying real families and refining the front-end design, the writer illustrates her comprehensive approach and shows how coding can be harnessed as a tool for enacting positive social change.

Finally, the author provides more unique experiences that reveal her true passions for politics and technology. She references her experiences during the 2022 election and Kode With Klossy events which each relied on bringing together both her academic interests. In the final paragraph, the author provides even more evidence to her experience in the political realm which drive home the point about her interest in her major as well as show accomplishments in a specific area which are hard to come by for most students.

From initial impressions, this essay is great at providing sufficient evidence as to why this author is pursuing international relations and politics with a minor in technology. However, one suggestion for this author, and general advice for any applicant, is not to fall into the trap of simply recapitulating all of one’s resume in an essay. This author has unfortunately used most of the 300 word count to list out her experiences and qualifications, but misses out on key opportunities to expand upon how these experiences have shaped her perspective and developed her interests over time.

In general, there is a lack of reflection on the lessons learned from the various experiences mentioned. While the writer describes her involvement in protests, debates, and internships, there is limited discussion of the personal growth and insights gained from these activities. The author has experiences including “ winning the Congressional App Challenge, to marching miles chanting ‘No Justice, No Peace’ in June 2020 or debating as Elizabeth Warren in [her] ninth grade mock democratic primary,” which could all be powerful standalone experiences for a 300-word essay. Adding a reflective element to the essay would provide a deeper understanding of the writer’s development and demonstrate their ability to learn from their experiences.

For example, the author could remove a few activities from her essay and  expand upon the experience of winning the Congressional App Challenge, discussing her thought process and emotions during the development of the app, or the impact it had based on feedback from families.  Here’s an example of an excerpt that would’ve made this section stronger:

“I decided to use the app for myself to clear out the bags of my younger brother’s baby clothes in the basement. A young immigrant mother responded to my post, saying that she hadn’t been able to afford properly-fitting baby clothes for her toddler son. A week after she picked up the bags, the mother returned with her giggly son in his ‘new’ clothing. The mother was full of gratitude, and I was just as grateful for this experience as it showed me the direct impact coding could have on improving real lives and making social progress.”

By incorporating specific examples and adding reflective elements, the essay would become more compelling, allowing the reader to better understand the writer’s experiences and their personal growth. These adjustments would enhance the overall quality of the essay and provide a vivid and engaging narrative.

Essay Example #5 – Politics

At Carnegie Mellon, I see myself defining a college experience in which I can widen my career goals in politics and learn from real-world experiences. D.C. is where I hope to work following college, as there is no place better than our capitol to explore the inner workings of decision-making in government. Through CMU’s Washington Semester Program (WSP), I aim to intern with a member of Congress to expand my understanding of the legislative process and gain experience in the nation’s center of politics. This orientation into Washington and chance to meet leaders and alumni at top think tanks would allow me to connect with all the working parts of public policy, encapsulating everything I wish to take from college. 

Immersing myself in the relevant and multifaceted courses at the Institute of Politics and Strategy is how I plan to take my learning to the next step at CMU. Electives like “Implementing Public Policy: From Good Idea to Reality” and “In the News” intrigue me; they tie in law and journalism with politics, contextualizing it in a realistic and applicable sphere. 

I hope to conduct research to delve deeper into what I’m passionate about and ripen my goal of effecting change. Under esteemed criminologist and public policy expert Professor Daniel Nagin, I see an opportunity to conduct actionable research on race and incarceration. I want to discuss the disparities in Pennsylvania’s fast growing prison populations itself and develop my paper “Slavery is Flourishing Under the U.S. Prison System.”

Expanding my learning doesn’t end with academics, however. I am eager to explore the diverse community at CMU, and start a cultural literary magazine for all students to share their lived experiences about their heritage through art, writing, and overall self-expression.

This prompt is basically the “ Why This College? ” essay presented in a different way. The goals of the prompt are the same, however: it’s asking you what makes CMU the perfect school for you, and how you will make the most of its resources to have a successful education.

This student clearly has an interest in politics, detailing specifics such as their hopes to pursue an internship, undertake course work, and do research to further their education. They show that they’ve done their research on why CMU is a fit for them, by mentioning unique resources at the college.

Furthermore, the author does a great job of providing additional information as to why they would like to pursue the activities they’ve researched. They explain how CMU’s WSP will teach them about the legislative process, how their classes will tie in law and journalism, and how their research will deepen their understanding of race and incarceration. Providing this level of detail helps admissions officers understand what this student values and is hoping to learn through their education at CMU.

Writing-wise, the student also makes sure to use varied sentence structure and smooth transitions, making the essay easy to read.

The objective of this essay is two-fold: 1) what do you hope to accomplish in your undergraduate degree program, and 2) how CMU is uniquely equipped to help you realize your goals.

The essay does a great job in answering question #1, but could do more to address the latter. We know why the student is interested in the resources they mention, but we don’t know how those things will help them reach their overarching academic and career goals. 

In fact, we don’t even know what those overarching goals are: does this student want to become a political journalist, politician, or something else? It’s okay if you’re undecided, but you should at least share some potential options, rather than simply saying that you’re interested in a broad field (like “politics”), which feels unfocused.

The student should also move the section about CMU’s program in D.C. to later in the essay, as having it right at the beginning makes it seem like they’re more interested in spending time in D.C. than on CMU’s campus in Pittsburgh.

Additionally, the final paragraph, about the student’s hope to start a cultural literary magazine,  feels unrelated to the rest of the essay, which is focused on their political interests. If they wanted to include this detail, they should’ve introduced it earlier, to give themselves time to connect it to their other ideas.

Where to Get Your Carnegie Mellon Essays Edited

Do you want feedback on your Carnegie Mellon essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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Award-winning journalist Jose Antonio Vargas speaks at Fresno City College

Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Jose Antonio Vargas was a guest speaker at Fresno City College on Wednesday afternoon.

Vargas made waves in 2011 when he wrote a groundbreaking essay in the New York Times magazine about his experience as an undocumented Filipino-born man living in the United States.

Several dozen people gathered in the Old Administration Building auditorium to see Vargas share his thoughts about living in America as an "Undocumented Citizen," as his book is titled.

"If you're undocumented and you're sitting here, I really just want you to think about that. Freedom a thing you couldn't get or where you can't go, this your freedom," Vargas told the audience.

During the hour-long discussion, Vargas spoke about several topics including activists who have inspired him.

"In the farmer's movement, Cesar and Dolores of course gotten their story told and it needs to keep being told," explained Vargas.

Vargas also discussed how he helped create undocumented LGBTQ+ TV characters for network television.

"We read all the scripts; we fact checked it right. We make sure it has context," Vargas said.

Born in the Philippines and raised in the US, he worked for several news publications as a reporter.

In 2008, Vargas was part of a team of journalists who won a Pulitzer Prize for their breaking news story on the mass shooting at Virginia Tech University.

Fast forward four years later, he penned a groundbreaking essay published in the New York Times magazine about his experience of being an undocumented immigrant.

It was an experience that spoke to Fresno City College student Brisa Serna.

"Hearing him speak, understanding where he came from and realizing that I can too," said Serna.

After the discussion, attendees were able to meet the author at a book signing.

"I'm very inspired and invited by his words to read it," said student Melanie Gallardo.

Vargas says it was important to visit Fresno because he believes his activism resonates with the Central Valley.

"How do we make sure for these families, especially mixed status families, you know the parents are undocumented, the kids are US born citizens, that they know that this community has their back," Vargas said.

One way he hopes to convey that message is creating a scholarship for undocumented students attending city college who hope to transfer to Fresno State.

For more information on how you can reach Vargas and his organization, send an email to [email protected].

For news updates, follow Vince Ybarra on Facebook , Twitter and Instagram .