meaning of self regulation essay

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What Is Self-Regulation?

• Self-Regulation Issues
• Ways to Improve

Self-regulation refers to the ability to control your behavior and manage your thoughts and emotions in appropriate ways. It’s why you go to school or work even though you don’t always feel like it, or why you don’t eat pizza for every meal.

Self-regulation typically begins with brain development between age 3 and age 7. However, certain neurodevelopmental disorders like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder ( ADHD ) can lead to challenges with self-regulation. Kids can struggle when routines are disrupted, while chronic stress in adults can interfere with self-regulation.

This article will help you to learn more about what self-regulation is and how to strengthen this important skill.

The Good Brigade / Getty Images

Self-regulation involves being aware of your behavior and how it can help you to reach your goals. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines self-regulation as “the control of one’s behavior through self-monitoring, self-evaluation, and self-reinforcement.”

People who develop self-regulation skills are able to assess whether their behavior is appropriate and can redirect themselves as needed.

Self-Regulation vs. Self-Control

While self-regulation may sound a lot like self-control, the two are defined differently. Self-control is about controlling and inhibiting impulses. Self-regulation, meanwhile, is a broader term that refers to the ways people steer their behavior in order to achieve particular goals.

Some models of self-control consider its role in short-term responses, while self-regulation is more of an overarching strategy for achieving and maintaining these goals. Self-control is a day-in, day-out part of self-regulation.

You may want to be healthy and fit, for example, and self-regulation is what sets up the framework so that you routinely choose more fruits and vegetables in your diet. Self-control is what keeps you from eating more chocolate on a specific occasion or skipping a workout on any given day.

Why Self-Regulation Is Important

Self-regulation helps people to handle stress and conflict while strengthening relationships and overall well-being.

Children often have the impulse to lash out physically when they're angry or upset—and sometimes adults do, too. Self-regulation helps us control those impulses and act in more appropriate ways. And being able to calm back down has physical effects, like slowing a pounding heart.

Emotionally

If a person is upset, sad, angry, or excited, self-regulation helps them calm down, regulate their feelings , and then behave in acceptable and productive ways. It also helps control emotions so that they are not overwhelming.

Self-regulation is necessary in order to learn and perform, in school or on the job. It helps people sit still at a desk, listen to what needs to be done, and refocus after completing a task.

Self-regulation allows people to behave in socially acceptable ways and build relationships by not letting strong emotions or impulses dictate their behavior.

Examples of Self-Regulation

At its most basic level, self-regulation is being able to manage your emotions and behaviors in order to function appropriately in everyday life. Examples of self-regulation include:

• Being able to handle intense emotions like frustration, disappointment, or embarrassment
• Being able to calm down after something exciting has happened
• Refocusing attention after finishing one task and starting another
• Controlling impulses
• Behaving appropriately and getting along with other people

Causes of Self-Regulation Problems

Self-regulation failure is common and both the causes and the consequences can be fairly trivial. One study looked at a number of self-regulation goals (healthy eating, saving money, staying calm) and found that in the preceding 24 hours, people experienced failure on about half of the five goals they said, on average, they were trying to meet.

Some setbacks are linked to confidence in the ability to self-regulate, or a specific set of circumstances or stressors. Others can be more chronic and serious. A history of trauma is often a part of self-regulation failure. So are other diagnoses including:

• Eating disorders
• Substance use disorders and addiction
• Chronic stress

In other cases, an impulse control disorder (like oppositional defiant disorder , or ODD) may be at play. This is a common diagnosis in kids and is often co-occurring in those with ADHD. Other conditions that can contribute to problems with self-regulation include:

• Compulsive behaviors and obsessions that override self-regulation
• Problems with executive function (decision-making about behaviors), which often have underlying medical reasons like a stroke or dementia

Researchers continue to explore environmental, genetic, and developmental factors that can contribute to problems with self-regulation.

How to Improve Self-Regulation

Like many coping skills, self-regulation can be strengthened and improved. However, what works for one person may not work for another, so feel free to try different approaches.

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is being aware of one’s own emotions, behaviors, and thoughts. Being self-aware will help you understand your motivations and behavior choices.

Research suggests that intentional self-awareness programs with young children boost their capacity for self-regulating emotions, attention, and behaviors. One study found that young children exposed to yoga even used more language that reflected awareness of self-regulation skills.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a way of thinking that involves staying in the present moment and being aware of your environment, your thoughts, and how your body feels. Practicing mindfulness supports self-regulation by encouraging you to slow down and behave in a more conscious way.

A review of 18 studies in children across five countries found support for using mindfulness techniques to improve self-regulation and limit emotional and behavioral challenges.

Stress Management

Chronic stress can cause mood swings and difficulty concentrating which in turn can interfere with your ability to self-regulate. You can help get stress under control with stress management techniques that include:

• Deep breathing
• Getting enough sleep

One study of healthcare providers focused on how chronic stress affected a part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex , which plays a key role in self-regulation. Exercise, a healthy diet, and improved work-life balance improved their symptoms.

Self-regulation is an essential skill for physical, social, emotional, and mental well-being. Poor self-regulation can impact your life in detrimental ways, potentially causing problems at work or school and keeping you from developing healthy relationships.

It doesn’t always come easily to people, but techniques like self-awareness, mindfulness practices, and stress reduction can help you develop and strengthen your self-regulation abilities. If you find yourself struggling with self-regulation, you may find it helpful to talk to a psychotherapist. They can help you develop coping skills and tools that are specific to your needs.

Bockmann JO, Yu SY. Using Mindfulness-Based Interventions to Support Self-regulation in Young Children: A Review of the Literature . Early Child Educ J . 2023;51(4):693-703. doi:10.1007/s10643-022-01333-2.

Child Mind Institute. How Can We Help Kids With Self-Regulation?

American Psychological Association. APA dictionary of psychology.

Gillebaart M. The 'Operational' Definition of Self-Control .  Front Psychol . 2018;9:1231. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01231

Blair C, Raver CC. School readiness and self-regulation: a developmental psychobiological approach . Annu Rev Psychol . 2015;66:711-731. doi:10.1146/annurev-psych-010814-015221

Nigg JT. Annual Research Review: On the relations among self-regulation, self-control, executive functioning, effortful control, cognitive control, impulsivity, risk-taking, and inhibition for developmental psychopathology . J Child Psychol Psychiatry . 2017 Apr;58(4):361-383. doi:10.1111/jcpp.12675.

University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Self-Regulation .

Adriaanse MA, Ten Broeke P. Beyond prevention: Regulating responses to self-regulation failure to avoid a set-back effec t. Appl Psychol Health Well Being . 2022 Feb;14(1):278-293. doi:10.1111/aphw.12302.

Arnsten AFT, Shanafelt T. Physician Distress and Burnout: The Neurobiological Perspective . Mayo Clin Proc . 2021 Mar;96(3):763-769. doi:10.1016/j.mayocp.2020.12.027. 

Ghosh A, Ray A, Basu A.  Oppositional defiant disorder: current insight .  Psychol Res Behav Manag . 2017;10:353-367. doi:10.2147/PRBM.S120582

Karlsson Linnér R, Mallard TT, Barr PB, Sanchez-Roige S, Madole JW, Driver MN, et al . Multivariate analysis of 1.5 million people identifies genetic associations with traits related to self-regulation and addiction . Nat Neurosci . 2021 Oct;24(10):1367-1376. doi:10.1038/s41593-021-00908-3.

Rashedi RN, Schonert-Reichl KA. Yoga and willful embodiment: A new direction for improving education .  Educational Psychology Review.  2019;31:725–734. doi:10.1007/s10648-019-09481-5.

National Alliance on Mental Illness. Managing stress.

By Jaime R. Herndon, MS, MPH Herndon is a freelance health/medical writer with a graduate certificate in science writing from Johns Hopkins University.

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Handbook of Self-Regulation: Research, Theory, and Applications

• Ellen B. Tabor M.D.

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Among the various models available for describing how the mind works, let us now add regulation. That is, a major task of development, and the practical definition of maturity, is the exercise of self-control. Our society looks down on those without self-control (the obese, the gambler, the addict, the thief) partly because of the disruption such behavior causes to society as a whole and partly because to be controlled in action and emotion is, in our culture and society, a sign of mental strength. To state this is obvious, but the editors of this book have gone below the surface and into the brain to examine the sources of various self-regulatory abilities and have then provided practical ramifications of being either strong or weak in the area of control.

The introductory chapters of this handbook ought to be read first, because they lay the foundation for what follows. They begin with chapters that discuss various aspects of basic regulation. They define many terms that we probably take for granted, and break down motivation into two main classes, nurturance related (for example, eating and drinking) and safety-related (for example, risk-taking behaviors). They go on to discuss the different mechanisms of striving toward these goals, which are quite opposite; nurturance-related behavior is engaged in until satisfied, whereas safety-related behavior tends to center around avoiding harm. Right away we see the pathologies that arise out of disturbances in the function of either behavior. The nurturance function and safety function can and often do operate independently but are based in the affect-laden anterior cingulate gyrus, with its connections to the limbic. Temperament can decide the loci of difficulty.

Self-regulation and self-control are related but not the same, and the distinction is interesting. Self-regulation refers to both conscious and unconscious processes that have an impact on self-control, but regulatory activities take place more or less constantly to allow us to participate in society, work, family life, and so on.

After a theoretical and experimental discussion of self-regulation, including discussions of psychological testing and fMRIs, the editors include articles concerning practical ramifications of deficits in self-regulation. Each article distinguishes between self-regulation (unconscious) and self-control (at least partially conscious) and relates deficits in self-regulation to disorders as diverse as attention-deficit hyperactivity disorders, eating disorders, substance abuse, gambling, and so on. It is clear that addictive disorders can be conceptualized as disorders of self-regulation as much as disorders of self-control and that the ability to resist temptation is a combination of conscious will and unconscious factors, such as temperament, development, "ego strength," and the strength of internalized selfobjects.

Clinical applications of the theory of self-regulation stem from the belief of most, if not all, of the authors that whatever differences and deficits exist in the ability to self-regulate, either innate or learned during development, can be modified by additional learning. Particularly and not surprisingly, they refer to cognitive-behavioral therapy as an especially useful treatment, one directed precisely at the problem, the lack of self-regulatory strength.

An especially interesting chapter looks at gender and self-regulation. Rumination is discussed as the tendency to think about the problem as a problem rather than to try to solve it. Rumination occurs for several reasons, including a tendency of women to feel more responsible for their emotional state than do men and to feel less control over their emotions and their lives than do men, leading to more thought and less action. Yet it also notes that because "women appear more likely than men to use rumination to regulate their negative moods," they are somewhat less likely to use alcohol and other substances. However, many women use eating in precisely the same way that men are reported to use alcohol: to numb, to distract, and to soothe.

This book is quite a comprehensive handbook. It does not lend itself to casual reading and uses psychological jargon that is not always clear, at least to this reader, a non-research-based psychiatrist. The terms seem to have precise meanings in the psychological field, but in the book they were not always so useful in understanding the material and at times seemed to obfuscate it. In addition, the chapters reflect the increasingly popular but annoying practice of listing each reference by its entire roster of collaborators rather than by a number, which makes for choppy reading. However, I believe that the concept of self-regulation provides yet another useful model and framework for understanding human development and the development of human psychopathology, particularly with reference to addictive and impulse-control disorders. This fascinating compendium is a worthwhile reference for everyone interested in various explications of human behavior.

Dr. Tabor is affiliated with the department of psychiatry at Kings County Hospital Center in Brooklyn, New York.

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What is self-regulation (a definition).

What Is Self-Regulation in Psychology?

Examples of self-regulation.

• Bruce has just quit smoking and when someone offers him a cigarette, he says, “No thanks.”
• Amelia has a test tomorrow and even though she doesn’t like the subject matter, she forces herself to study all night long.
• Elijah is on a diet and attends a BBQ with friends. Instead of eating a big plate filled with burgers, chips, and cake, he settles for a salad.
• Liam wants to run a marathon, so every day he gets himself up early in the morning and goes for a run to prepare.
• Gianna has chickenpox and they itch like crazy, but she stops herself from itching them.
• Mateo is on a tight budget so he stops himself from buying his morning latte to save a few more dollars.
• Muhammed is exhausted from a stressful week, but he pulls himself out of bed to go to work.
• Hazel is on vacation, but she still makes sure that she checks her email to ensure everything is going okay at work.
• Nora is feeling anxious about a date she’s going on that night so she forces the thoughts out of her head and distracts herself with a TV show.
• Jaden is mindlessly scrolling on social media. Suddenly, in a moment of self-realization , he sees that this is not what he’s supposed to be doing right now and puts his phone down.

Self-Regulation Theory

Video: a trick for increasing self-control.

Self-Regulation Skills

• Dieting. Remove all junk food from the house. Place a bowl of healthy snacks on the counter (like apples). Keep a healthy snack with you at all times so you don’t resort to buying junk food.
• Smoking. Throw away all cigarettes. Try not to spend time with smokers. Go to places where smoking is not allowed.
• Using your smartphone. Remove all tempting apps from your phone. Change your home screen to greyscale to make it less enticing. Plug your phone in in the living room instead of your bedroom so you’re less likely to use it at night. Check out my book Outsmart Your Smartphone for more tips.
• Studying . Make a bet with your friend that you’ll get an A and if you don’t then you have to pay them money.
• Waking up early . Put your alarm clock on the other side of the room so you have to get up to hit the snooze button.
• Exercising . Put your shoes and workout clothes next to your bed. Agree to meet a friend at the gym every day so you’ll feel guilty if you don’t show up.
• Spend 30 minutes per day using a foreign language app to learn a new language.
• Study for an exam that can help us get an advanced degree or certification.
• Take an online course.
• Spend part of the workday typing with the correct fingers (if we do not yet use conventional typing).
• Devote a few hours on Saturdays to developing a new skill like car mechanics or carpentry.
• Self-care rewards like a massage or hot spring visit
• Small items you don’t normally buy for yourself
• Extra time doing a hobby you enjoy
• Letting yourself sleep in

Self-Regulation of Emotions

• Reappraisal. Reappraisal is when we think about something in a more positive or less negative way in order to change our emotions.  Reappraisal is the strategy people are referring to when they say, “look for silver linings.”
• Selective attention . We can also engage in emotional self-regulation by refocusing our attention. Instead of ruminating on all the bad things that happened, we can instead try to think about the positive things we have or the things we’re thankful for .

Video: The Secret to Self-Control (And Self-Regulation)

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Books Related to Self-Regulation

• Mastering Self-Control
• The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It
• Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life
• Self-Regulation and Mindfulness: Over 82 Exercises & Worksheets for Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD, & Autism Spectrum Disorder
• The Self-Regulation Workbook for Kids: CBT Exercises and Coping Strategies to Help Children Handle Anxiety, Stress, and Other Strong Emotions ​

Final Thoughts on Self-Regulation

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• ​ Baumeister, R. F. (2014). Self-regulation, ego depletion, and inhibition . Neuropsychologia , 65 , 313-319.
• Ramdass, D., & Zimmerman, B. J. (2011). Developing self-regulation skills: The important role of homework . Journal of advanced academics, 22(2), 194-218.
• Vohs, K. D., & Baumeister, R. F. (2004). Understanding self-regulation . Handbook of self-regulation , 19 .
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Why emotional self-regulation is important and how to do it

Emotional self-regulation refers to a person’s ability to manage their emotions and impulses. It is an important part of overall mental and physical well-being.

Emotional self-regulation is a skill that people learn and develop throughout childhood and adolescence and into adulthood.

Feeling strong emotions is healthy. Learning how to process emotions and respond with appropriate behavior is essential to a person’s well-being. Lacking emotional self-regulation can perpetuate negative emotions. It can also have social repercussions, such as damaging relationships with others.

This article will explore emotional self-regulation and look at how it develops, why it is important, and when to seek help.

What is emotional self-regulation?

When people feel strong emotions, such as anger, frustration, or anxiety , they experience physical and mental responses.

In some cases, the body increases the production of stress hormones, leading to increased heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, and breathing rate.

People may feel short-tempered, have outbursts, have mood swings, or experience negative emotions.

Emotional self-regulation is the learned skill of applying conscious thought to events that prompt strong emotions. When people engage in it, they adapt their behavior in the following ways:

• They notice the increase in emotional response.
• They consider the consequences of any response.
• They choose responses that move toward a positive outcome or goal, despite possibly feeling negative emotions.

If a person lacks emotional self-regulation skills, they may express this by:

• overreacting to situations
• having emotional outbursts and being quick to react
• experiencing negative emotions that last a long time
• having mood swings

Read about how to control anger here.

How does it develop?

Self-regulation is an important part of child and adolescent development, and research shows that being able to regulate emotions has a positive effect on a person’s well-being.

Children develop emotional self-regulation under the guidance of caregivers and peers.

Very young children find it difficult to deal with their emotions. For example, they may throw tantrums when things do not go their way. If adults help them name their feelings and rationalize with them, children gradually learn to appraise situations by themselves and make more reasonable behavior choices.

A person can learn self-regulation skills, but they must practice regularly for the skills to become second nature. For young people with developmental delays, intervention and coaching can help them develop self-regulation skills.

Some adults also have difficulties self-regulating their emotions. Therapy can be a valuable way to improve self-awareness, leading to better emotion regulation.

Certain daily practices can help a person stay in control of their emotions, including:

• talking with friends
• receiving therapy
• getting enough sleep
• addressing any personal illness
• paying attention to negative thoughts that follow strong emotions
• practicing mindfulness

Why is it important?

It is normal for people to find themselves unable to manage their emotions from time to time. However, for some people, emotions are continually draining and overpowering, leading to unhealthy coping strategies, such as substance misuse or self-injury .

Emotional dysregulation happens when a person interprets emotions or events in a way that makes them feel overwhelmed. They may perceive a situation in a way that does not reflect reality, which triggers a very real set of feelings.

Emotions begin to cascade, and the natural response is to do whatever it takes to calm the negative feelings. In many cases , that leads to negative or self-destructive behaviors.

This cycle can repeat over time until a person makes a concerted effort to break it with self-regulating thoughts and behaviors.

Learn more about emotional dysregulation here.

Emotional self-regulation strategies

People deal with emotions in varied ways. Some of these, such as substance misuse, overwork, and angry outbursts, are unhealthy.

A 2016 study compared three emotional self-regulation strategies, which are detailed below.

Cognitive reappraisal

This happens when a person chooses to step back from an emotionally triggering situation and reframe it in a way that changes its emotional impact.

Cognitive reappraisal happens before a person becomes charged with emotion. In the study, people who used this strategy experienced more positive emotions than those who did not.

Mindfulness

This is the practice of deliberately paying attention to one’s thoughts and feelings and recognizing and accepting them. Practicing mindfulness regularly can change how a person relates and responds to their feelings and emotions. In the study, people who practiced mindfulness showed fewer negative emotions than those who did not.

Emotion suppression

This strategy involves a person keeping their emotions to themselves and being careful not to express them. They may do this to avoid feeling judged or experiencing other social repercussions.

In the study, people who used emotion suppression experienced fewer positive and more negative emotions than those who did not, suggesting it is not a healthy emotional self-regulation strategy. Keeping emotions in, while still feeling their impact inwardly, can lead to more pain in the long term.

When to seek help

If a person feels they have an unhealthy response to their emotions or are engaging in self-destructive behavior, they can seek the help of a doctor in the first instance. A doctor can refer them to a therapist or other professional who is trained to help people develop self-awareness and emotion regulation.

The National Institute of Mental Health provides guidance for finding a therapist or other mental health support.

Emotional self-regulation is a learned skill that requires time, practice, and effort. For young people with learning disabilities, it may require even more focus and attention.

To improve emotional self-regulation, a person can focus on:

• taking care of physical needs by staying rested, fed, hydrated, and physically fit
• participating in activities that provide a sense of achievement and growth
• remembering that changing thoughts is easier than changing feelings

Emotional self-regulation is a cognitive skill that develops throughout childhood into adolescence and beyond.

Through modeling from caregivers and peers, people learn to bring conscious thought to handling their emotions. A person with good emotional self-regulation can acknowledge a strong emotion and choose a way to respond that has the least negative consequences.

Lacking emotional self-regulation skills can lead to negative emotions, socially unacceptable behavior choices, and self-destructive behavior.

Adolescents and adults with poor emotion regulation can improve their skills through effort, practice, and repetition. Research has concluded that cognitive reappraisal and mindfulness are two useful strategies for emotional self-regulation.

Last medically reviewed on May 3, 2022

• Anxiety / Stress
• Psychology / Psychiatry

How we reviewed this article:

• Anger – how it affects people. (n.d.). https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/anger-how-it-affects-people
• Brockman, R., et al . (2016). Emotion regulation strategies in daily life: mindfulness, cognitive reappraisal and emotion suppression. http://josephciarrochi.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/brockman-ciarrochi-parker-kashdan-2016-CBT-Emotion-regulation-strategies-in-daily-life-mindfulness-cognitive-reappraisal-and-emotion-suppression.pdf
• How to improve emotional self-regulation among children with autism and attention disorders. (2018). https://onlinegrad.pepperdine.edu/blog/emotional-self-regulation-children-autism/
• How to teach clients self-regulation skills. (n.d.). https://onlinedegrees.bradley.edu/blog/how-to-teach-clients-self-regulation-skills/
• Promoting self-regulation in adolescents and young adults: a practice brief. (2017). https://fpg.unc.edu/sites/fpg.unc.edu/files/resources/reports-and-policy-briefs/Promoting%20Self-Regulation%20in%20Adolescents%20and%20Young%20Adults.pdf
• There’s more to emotional self-regulation than meets the eye. (2020). https://www.ascd.org/el/articles/theres-more-to-emotional-self-regulation-than-meets-the-eye
• What is emotional dysregulation? (n.d.). https://rogersbh.org/emotional-dysregulation-facts

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Self-regulation refers to the ability of an individual to control their own thoughts, emotions, and actions in a constructive and adaptive manner. It involves regulating one’s behavior based on internal standards, goals, and values, rather than being influenced solely by external factors.

Key Aspects of Self-Regulation

Self-control.

An important aspect of self-regulation is self-control, which involves the ability to resist immediate impulses or temptations and instead, opt for long-term goals and values. Self-control helps individuals to delay gratification, manage their impulses, and maintain a balanced approach towards decision-making.

Emotion Regulation

Self-regulation also encompasses emotion regulation, which involves the ability to manage and regulate one’s own emotions effectively. This includes recognizing and understanding emotions, as well as employing strategies to modulate and express them in appropriate ways.

Goal Setting and Monitoring

Self-regulation involves setting goals for oneself and monitoring progress towards achieving them. This process requires individuals to break down goals into manageable steps, establish realistic timelines, and regularly assess their performance, making any necessary adjustments along the way.

Adaptive Coping Skills

Self-regulation involves the development and application of adaptive coping skills to deal with challenging situations and setbacks. This includes problem-solving, stress management, resilience, and the ability to bounce back from failures or setbacks.

Impulse Management

Another aspect of self-regulation is impulse management, which refers to the ability to resist impulsive behaviors, delay immediate gratification, and make thoughtful and rational choices. It involves considering the potential consequences and long-term benefits before acting upon an impulse.

Social Skills

Self-regulation also encompasses social skills, such as effective communication, active listening, empathy, and conflict resolution. These skills enable individuals to navigate social interactions and relationships in a respectful and considerate manner, taking others’ perspectives into account.

In summary, self-regulation involves the ability to control one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in a way that aligns with personal values, goals, and societal norms. It encompasses self-control, emotion regulation, goal setting and monitoring, adaptive coping skills, impulse management, and social skills.

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Neuroscience of Self and Self-Regulation

Todd f. heatherton.

Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences, Dartmouth College, Hanover, New Hampshire 03766

As a social species, humans have a fundamental need to belong that encourages behaviors consistent with being a good group member. Being a good group member requires the capacity for self-regulation, which allows people to alter or inhibit behaviors that would place them at risk for group exclusion. Self-regulation requires four psychological components. First, people need to be aware of their behavior so as to gauge it against societal norms. Second, people need to understand how others are reacting to their behavior so as to predict how others will respond to them. This necessitates a third mechanism, which detects threat, especially in complex social situations. Finally, there needs to be a mechanism for resolving discrepancies between self-knowledge and social expectations or norms, thereby motivating behavior to resolve any conflict that exists. This article reviews recent social neuroscience research on the psychological components that support the human capacity for self-regulation.

Introduction

Many of the adaptive challenges facing our earliest ancestors were social in nature, such as differentiating friends from foes, identifying and evaluating potential mates, understanding the nature and structure of group relations, and so on. Those ancestors who were able to solve survival problems and adapt to their social environments were most likely to reproduce and pass along their genes. As such, humans have evolved a fundamental need to belong that encourages behaviors consistent with being a good group member ( Baumeister & Leary 1995 ). Belonging to a good group had considerable value, including access to shared resources, security from various threats, and even assistance with daily chores. Hence, the human brain has adapted within a complex social environment and is likely to have evolved dedicated neural mechanisms that are acutely sensitive to social context, especially for any signs that group membership is imperiled ( Heatherton & Wheatley 2010 , Mitchell & Heatherton 2009 ).

The Need for Inhibition

Being a good group member is not always easy, however. There is an inherent conflict between what is enjoyable for the individual and what is best for the group. From an individual perspective, basic motivational reward processes encourage behaviors that bring pleasure. Left to our own devices and without fear of social evaluation, we might indulge our appetites without restraint: eat as much fattening tasty food as our stomachs can hold, ingest chemical substances that activate dopamine receptors, and generally follow the hedonistic rule of doing whatever feels good. But eating more than a fair share of food or otherwise monopolizing group resources comes with a cost to other group members and thus can threaten our status in the group. Inhibitions are therefore important for harmonious social relations, and evolution has undoubtedly favored those who could control undesirable impulses.

Inhibition is a core feature of self-regulation, which refers to the process by which people initiate, adjust, interrupt, stop, or otherwise change thoughts, feelings, or actions in order to effect realization of personal goals or plans or to maintain current standards ( Baumeister et al. 1994a , Baumeister & Heatherton 1996 , Carver & Scheier 1998 ). At the broadest level, self-regulation refers to intentional or purposeful acts that are directed from within the person ( Bandura 1989 ). From this perspective, learning, physiology, and culture predispose certain behaviors, thoughts, or emotions in specific circumstances, but self-regulation allows people to change or overcome them. Although all humans have an impressive capacity for self-regulation, failures are common, and people lose control of their behavior in a wide variety of circumstances ( Baumeister & Heatherton 1996 , Baumeister et al. 1994a ). Such failures are an important cause of several contemporary societal problems—obesity, sexual predation, addiction, and sexual infidelity, to name but a few. That even revered figures, including Catholic priests, celebrity/sports role models, and respected political leaders, have been publicly castigated for their spectacular failures of self-control is testament to the difficulties inherent in trying to control the self. This article discusses the neural bases of fundamental components of the social brain, focusing on how having a “self” serves the basic social skills necessary for maintaining effective relations with group members.

There are, of course, other important features of self-regulation, such as initiating self-regulatory efforts in order to achieve personal goals ( Shah 2005 ). For example, Higgins (1997) distinguished self-regulatory efforts aimed at achieving desirable outcomes from those aimed at avoiding undesirable outcomes. Promotion goals are those in which people approach ideal goals with aspiration and a sense of accomplishment, focusing on potential gains. By contrast, prevention goals are those in which people try to avoid losses by playing it safe or doing what they ought to do. This framework has proven useful for understanding a great deal of social behavior, from how people behave in intergroup contexts ( Shah et al. 2004 ) to how they respond to awkward interracial interactions ( Trawalter & Richeson 2006 ). Although understanding how people initiate behavior to attain personal goals is clearly important for many aspects of human behavior, particularly health behavior ( Bandura 1991 , Carver & Scheier 1998 , Rothman et al. 2004 ), there is not yet a substantial body of neuroscience research addressing this aspect of self-regulation (for exceptions, see Cunningham et al. 2005 , Eddington et al. 2007 ). Accordingly, much of the focus of this article is on regulation and control of ongoing psychological activity.

Components of the Social Brain

Controlling oneself to be a good group member involves an awareness of how one is thinking, feeling, or behaving and the ability to alter any of these to satisfy the standards or expectations of the group. This implies the need for at least four psychological components, the failure of any of which can lead to poor outcomes and censure from the group ( Heatherton 2010 , Krendl & Heatherton 2009 , Mitchell & Heatherton 2009 , Wagner & Heatherton 2010b ).

Self-Awareness

First, people need self-awareness to reflect on their behaviors, including their emotional displays, so as to judge them against group norms. An empirical understanding of the self has a long history in psychology (see Baumeister 1998 ), dating back to William James' important distinction between the self as the knower (“I”) and the self as the object that is known (“me”). In the sense of the knower, the self is the subject doing the thinking, feeling, and acting. In the sense of the objectified self, the self consists of the knowledge that people hold about themselves, as when they contemplate their best and worst qualities. The experience of self as the object of attention is the psychological state known as self-awareness, which encourages people to reflect on their actions and understand the extent to which those actions match both personal values and beliefs as well as group standards ( Carver & Scheier 1981 , Duval & Wicklund 1972 ). Whether certain aspects of the self, such as self-serving biases and motivations, truly are adaptive is open to some debate ( Leary 2004 ), although there is considerable evidence that a symbolically representational self provided considerable advantages to humans over the course of evolution, such as facilitating communication and cooperation with group members ( Sedikides & Skowronski 1997 ).

Mentalizing

Understanding that violating social norms is problematic requires people to appreciate that they are the objects of social evaluation, which in turn necessitates knowing that others are capable of making such evaluations. That is, people need the ability to infer the mental states of others to predict their actions, a skill referred to as mentalizing or having “theory of mind” ( Amodio & Frith 2006 , Gallagher & Frith 2003 , Mitchell 2006 ). Mentalizing allows people to be aware that other people have thoughts and also attempt to understand the content of those thoughts. Ultimately, this allows people to empathize with observers to be able to predict their judgments or behaviors.

Threat Detection

The ability to mentalize is crucial for the third mechanism, threat detection, which monitors the environment for any cues or other evidence of possible group exclusion. If humans have a fundamental need to belong, then there needs to be a mechanism for detecting inclusionary status ( Leary et al. 1995 , Macdonald & Leary 2005 ). Indeed, feeling socially anxious or worrying about potential rejection should lead to heightened social sensitivity, and research has demonstrated that people who worry most about social evaluation (i.e., the shy and lonely) show enhanced memory for social information, are more empathetically accurate, and show heightened abilities to decode social information ( Gardner et al. 2000 , 2005 ; Pickett et al. 2004 ).

Self-Regulation

Once people are aware that their actions have violated group standards and that others are evaluating them negatively (i.e., threat has been detected), they need the ability to rectify the situation to re-establish good relations with other group members. Doing so requires the executive aspects of the self (the “I” as knower) that allow people to change according to social context, including altering their thoughts, actions, and emotions. Thus, people need to inhibit their impulses, stifle their desires, resist temptations, undertake difficult or unpleasant activities, banish unwanted and intrusive thoughts, and control their emotional displays, all of which are difficult to do but are necessary for staying in the good graces of others ( Heatherton & Vohs 1998 ). Of course, people also need to regulate behavior proactively, such as avoiding appearing prejudiced or making a good impression. As mentioned, people also self-regulate in order to promote positive goals ( Higgins 1997 ). Thus, people initiate diets in order to lose weight, and they save money to allow themselves to live more prosperously in the future. Self-regulation involves both the initiation and maintenance of behavioral change in addition to inhibiting undesired behaviors or responding to situational demands.

A Social Neuroscience Approach

From a neuroscience perspective, it is likely that the brain has evolved distinct mechanisms for knowing ourselves, knowing how others respond to us, detecting threats from within the social group, and regulating actions in order to avoid being excluded from those groups ( Krendl & Heatherton 2009 ). Within social psychology, efforts to understand bodily involvement in social phenomena also have a long history, from the use of skin-conductance measures to indicate whether experimental conditions produce arousal (e.g., Lanzetta & Kleck 1970 ), to the assessment of activity in facial muscles to identify emotional expression (e.g., Cacioppo & Petty 1981 ), to patient studies that examine the effects of brain injury on social behavior and personality ( Klein & Kihlstrom 1998 ). More recently, there has been enthusiasm for using brain-imaging techniques that allow researchers to watch the working mind in action ( Adolphs 2009 , Lieberman 2009 , Macrae et al. 2004a , Ochsner 2007 , Ochsner & Lieberman 2001 ). The advent of imaging has led to an explosion of research on social neuroscience, and several recent literature reviews have appeared ( Amodio & Frith 2006 , Cacioppo et al. 2007 , Heatherton & Wheatley 2010 , Lieberman 2009 , Mitchell & Heatherton 2009 , Ochsner 2007 ) as well as methodological critiques raising concerns about the value of imaging for elucidating psychological processes ( Adolphs 2010 , Cacioppo et al. 2003 , Vul et al. 2009 ). The remainder of this article examines the contributions of a neuroscience approach to understanding the components of the social brain, focusing mainly on studies of self-awareness/knowledge and self-regulation ( Figure 1 , see color insert).

The components of the social brain. Brain regions that are commonly activated for studies of self, theory of mind, threat detection, and self-regulation.

Self-Awareness and Self-Knowledge

Humans possess an impressive degree of self-awareness. Not only are we able to identify ourselves as distinct from others, but we are able to think critically about what makes us unique and develop a sense of self that includes our background and superficially distinguishing characteristics such as name, hometown, and occupation as well as an even deeper sense of “who we are,” including personality traits, our core beliefs and attitudes, what we like and don't like about ourselves, and therefore what we might like to change. The remarkable extent of our self-awareness can be a mixed blessing; too much self-directed thinking can be maladaptive ( Leary 2004 ) and is associated with depressive disorders ( Ingram 1990 ) and the tendency to ruminate over negative events ( Donaldson et al. 2007 , Joormann 2006 , Siegle et al. 2002 ). Without such capacities for self-recognition and self-knowledge, however, the social world as we know it could not exist.

Is Self Special?

The centrality of the self-concept to social functioning gives rise to the question of whether the self is somehow “special” as a cognitive structure or whether information about the self is processed in the same way as everything else is processed, an issue that engendered considerable debate among social and cognitive psychologists in the late 1970s into the 1980s ( Bower & Gilligan 1979 , Greenwald & Banaji 1989 , Klein & Kihlstrom 1986 , Maki & McCaul 1985 , Rogers et al. 1977 ). As discussed by Higgins & Bargh (1987) , the gist of the debate was whether the superior memory performance that resulted from encoding information with reference to self was due to a unique cognitive structure (i.e., self) or whether it obtained from standard psychological mechanisms that would apply to any memory context. Macrae et al. (2004a) noted that a frustrating feature of this debate was that all theories made the same behavioral prediction (e.g., superior memory for material encoded with reference to self), and therefore the scientific question was difficult to resolve (see also Gillihan & Farah 2005 ). One line of support for the idea that memory for self is somehow special can be found in studies of patients with conditions such as Alzheimer's disease and severe amnesia. Although these patients' conditions profoundly affect their ability to recall various important details of their lives, they can often accurately report whether particular trait adjectives describe them ( Klein 2004 ), suggesting that one's sense of self is not easily extinguished.

With the advent of neuroimaging, scientists had new methods to address longstanding questions, such as whether the self was somehow special as a memory structure. Beginning with studies using positron emission tomography (PET) ( Craik et al. 1999 ) and functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) ( Kelley et al. 2002 ), numerous subsequent studies have examined brain regions that are involved in processing information about self compared to those associated with processing semantic information more generally or processing information about other people, with the vast majority finding heightened activity in medial prefrontal cortex (MPFC), posterior cingulate cortex, and precuneus (for reviews, see Heatherton et al. 2007 , Moran et al. 2010 , Northoff et al. 2006 ). An important study by Macrae and colleagues (2004b) demonstrated that activity in MPFC predicted subsequent memory for information processed with reference to self, thereby establishing the role of MPFC in self-referential memory enhancement.

Studies using other tasks to examine different aspects of self have revealed similar patterns of brain activity. Heightened MPFC activity has also been observed when subjects engage in free-form refection on their selves as compared to when they engage in free-form reflection of another individual ( D'Argembeau et al. 2005 , Farb et al. 2007 , Johnson et al. 2006 , Kjaer et al. 2002 ) and when they are instructed to attend to their personal preferences relative to nonreflective control tasks ( Goldberg et al. 2006 , Gusnard et al. 2001 , Johnson et al. 2005 , Ochsner et al. 2004 ). Cabeza et al. (2004) found heightened MPFC activation for episodic memory retrieval of autobiographical events. In their study, participants were presented with photographs that either they had taken around campus or that someone else had taken. The participants showed heightened MPFC activity for photographs they themselves had taken. Even the passive viewing of self-relevant words (such as one's name or street address) during an unrelated task results in heightened MPFC activity ( Moran et al. 2009 ). Other findings indicate that MPFC activity may be part of the default neural network engaged during free-form thinking in the absence of an explicit task ( D'Argembeau et al. 2005 , Gusnard et al. 2001 , Wicker et al. 2003 ), suggesting that the mind spontaneously turns to the self when allowed to wander ( Mason et al. 2007 ). Indeed, a heightened level of MPFC activity has been linked to trait self-consciousness, which is the degree to which people are generally aware of their behavior ( Eisenberger et al. 2005 ). Finally, mindfulness meditation practices, aimed at disciplining one's stream-of-consciousness type of musings by effectively reducing explicit self-related thoughts in exchange for an overall basic sense of self-awareness, have been shown to decrease MPFC activity ( Farb et al. 2007 ).

Studies of patients with brain injury provide additional evidence for the importance of prefrontal areas such as the MPFC to self-awareness and self-knowledge. Patients with frontal lobe lesions show significant impairment in their ability to engage in self-reflection and introspection ( Beer et al. 2003 , Stuss & Benson 1986 , Wheeler et al. 1997 ). Patients with MPFC lesions specifically have shown deficiencies in their ability to recall personal preferences, with their answers to questions soliciting their attitudes on various stimuli varying widely between sessions ( Fellows & Farah 2007 ).

Social and Cultural Context

The ubiquity of the MPFC findings for any task that involves the self has provided researchers with opportunities to test various psychological theories related to the self. For instance, some theories suggest an intimate other may become incorporated into one's self-concept ( Aron & Aron 1996 ). If this theory is correct, one might expect to see that same MPFC activation when individuals reflect on these intimate others as when they reflect on their self. Unfortunately, attempts to test this hypothesis using neuroimaging have yielded mixed results: Some studies have reported MPFC activation for intimate others as well as the self ( Ochsner et al. 2005 , Schmitz et al. 2004 , Seger et al. 2004 ), and others have found such activity for the self only ( Heatherton et al. 2006 ). It is possible that methodological issues lie at the heart of these disparate findings, as the studies used different targets and imaging designs, but for now, more research is needed to resolve this issue.

A new twist on this idea is reflected in the cultural psychology notion that whereas individualist, Western cultures construe the self as a unique identity considerably independent from others, collectivist, Eastern cultures construe a self that is fluid, contextual, and defined in a large part by its relations to others ( Markus & Kitayama 1991 ). To investigate whether such a difference in self-construal is also observed on the neural level, Zhu and colleagues (2007) asked Chinese and Western participants questions about themselves and their mothers while using fMRI. Whereas Chinese participants showed heightened levels of MPFC activation while reflecting on both themselves and their mothers, Western subjects showed heightened activity only when thinking about themselves. Likewise, Zhang et al. (2006) showed across two experiments that when Chinese participants reflect on themselves relative to another, MPFC is more engaged for self when the other is not close, but it is equally engaged for self and mother. In another study, Chiao and colleagues (2009b) found that activity in MPFC in response to self-relevance judgments of traits in both general and specific contexts predicted the extent to which subjects endorsed individualist or collectivist values, respectively. Similarly, bicultural participants, whose backgrounds reflected both collectivist and individualist values, showed heightened MPFC activation toward general trait judgments relative to contextual judgments when primed with individualist values, and participants showed the opposite pattern when primed with collectivist values ( Chiao et al. 2009a ). These studies provide converging evidence to suggest that culture can have an impact on how the self is construed on a neural level.

Age-Related Changes

Because of age-related structural changes in MPFC, one might expect that self-referential processing would also change with age. Adolescence has long been known to be associated with heightened self-focus ( Enright et al. 1980 ). Therefore, it is not surprising that Pfeifer et al. (2007) found greater MPFC activity for children than for adults when contrasting ratings for self with ratings for a well-known fictional character (i.e., Harry Potter). Likewise, in line with the theory that adolescence is marked by a heightened preoccupation with others' opinions about oneself and that these perceived opinions help inform the adolescent's self-concept ( Harter 1999 , Harter et al. 1998 ), Pfeifer and colleagues (2009) found that, relative to mature adults, adolescents engage brain areas related to social cognition (see Theory of Mind section below for a description of these regions) during self-reflection in addition to MPFC and posterior cingulate cortex. Replicating their prior finding ( Pfeifer et al. 2007 ), brain activity was once again greater in self-relevant regions for adolescents than for adults. By contrast, although aging in later adulthood is associated with a number of changes in memory processes, it appears that the self-referent enhancement of memory remains intact and that there is a similar pattern of MPFC activity associated with this effect for younger and older adults ( Glisky & Marquine 2009 , Gutchess et al. 2007 , Mueller et al. 1986 ).

The Affective Self and Psychopathology

Another important psychological process relevant to self is emotion. One critical aspect of the sense of self is that it produces affect—evaluations of the self inevitably lead to emotional reactions that influence subsequent thoughts and actions. But, focusing too much on the self can be associated with psychopathology, as with the tendencies of depressed patients to ruminate about negative self-relevant information and make negative attributions to themselves ( Grunebaum et al. 2005 , Ingram 1990 , Northoff 2007 , Rimes & Watkins 2005 ). Recent imaging studies have identified abnormalities in many cortical and subcortical midline structures associated with depression ( Grimm et al. 2009 , Lemogne et al. 2009 ). For example, Johnson and colleagues (2009) observed that depressed individuals showed sustained activity in areas involved in self-reflection during nonreflective distraction tasks as opposed to controls, suggesting a relative difficulty in disengaging from self-reflective processes. Moran and colleagues (2006) found that whereas MPFC was responsive to the personal relevance of information (i.e., whether the trait is self-descriptive or not), an adjacent region, the ventral anterior cingulate cortex (vACC, sometimes referred to as subgenual anterior cingulate), was responsive to the emotional valence of this material but only for traits that were judged to be self-descriptive. This suggests that these adjacent prefrontal regions subserve cognitive and emotional aspects of self-reflection, respectively. Specifically, activity in vACC is attenuated when unfavorable information is considered self-descriptive. This finding dovetails nicely with research showing that vACC is implicated in emotional disorders such as depression and posttraumatic stress disorder ( Drevets et al. 1997 ). For instance, researchers have observed differential activation of vACC to emotional facial expressions between depressed and control participants ( Gotlib et al. 2005 ). Research on vACC has promising translational value. In a particularly striking study, Mayberg and colleagues (2005) demonstrated that deep brain stimulation in vACC was effective in alleviating depression in treatment-resistant patients.

There have also been recent attempts to examine the neural basis of self-referential processing among those with other mental health disorders. Studies performed on patients with schizophrenia or other psychoses indicate dysfunctional MPFC activity among such populations ( Paradiso et al. 2003 , Taylor et al. 2007 , Williams et al. 2004 ), such as hypoactivity in MPFC during explicit self-referential tasks ( Blackwood et al. 2004 ). Disturbances to one's sense of self observed as a result of such disorders are manifested in a number of ways, including an impairment in self-insight that results in an unawareness of one's illness ( Amador & David 2004 , Cooney & Gazzaniga 2003 ) and the inability to distinguish self-generated stimuli from externally generated stimuli that is theorized to be responsible for reports of sensory disturbances and auditory hallucinations ( Ditman & Kuperberg 2005 , Seal et al. 2004 ). Because MPFC is implicated both in self-reflection and the task of differentiating endogenously and exogenously generated stimuli ( Simons et al. 2006 , Turner et al. 2008 ), it is conceivable that abnormal activity in MPFC contributes to such symptoms, though more research is necessary to better understand the link between brain activity, self-referential processing deficits, and psychopathology ( Nelson et al. 2009 , van der Meer et al. 2010 ).

Is MPFC the Self?

Although research has consistently demonstrated increased MPFC for conditions that involve some aspect of self, this is not to suggest that the MPFC reflects the physical location of the “self” or that other areas are not vital for the phenomenological experiences associated with the self. Rather, the experience of the self involves various sensory, affective, and motor processes contributed by disparate brain regions outside the cortical midline area ( Turk et al. 2003 ). Indeed, some have argued that the most important psychological processes that produce activation of MPFC involve inferential processing, whether about the self or anything else ( Legrand & Ruby 2009 ). More recently, Jason Mitchell (2009) proposed that any type of social cognition that involves internally generated “fuzzy” representations that are inexact and subject to revision, such as judging attitudes about self or others, or even objects in general, activates MPFC. At the same time, the preponderance of evidence indicates that the conditions most robustly producing MPFC activity typically feature extensive self-involvement ( Moran et al. 2010 ). Given the importance of MPFC to social brain functioning, there are likely to be many more theories of its functioning as well as studies to test them.

Theory of Mind

One of the most important attributes of the social brain is the ability to infer the mental states of others in order to predict their actions ( Amodio & Frith 2006 , Gallagher & Frith 2003 , Mitchell 2006 ). In addition to recognizing our own mental states, living harmoniously in social groups requires that we be able to interpret the emotional and mental states of others ( Heatherton & Krendl 2009 ). For example, social emotions require that we be able to draw inferences about the emotional states of others (even if those inferences are inaccurate). For instance, to feel guilty about hurting a loved one, people need to understand that other people have feelings ( Baumeister et al. 1994b ). Similarly, interpersonal distress results from knowing that people are evaluating you (thereby giving rise to emotions such as embarrassment), which at its core means recognizing that other people make evaluative judgments. The ability to infer the mental states of others is commonly referred to as mentalizing or having the capacity for theory of mind (ToM). ToM enables individuals to empathize and cooperate with others, accurately interpret other people's behavior, and even deceive others when necessary. Neuroimaging research on mentalizing has consistently implicated a small number of regions in making inferences about the mental characteristics of other people: MPFC, temporoparietal junction (TPJ), temporal poles, and medial parietal cortex ( Amodio & Frith 2006 , Gallagher & Frith 2003 , Mitchell 2006 , Saxe 2006 , Saxe et al. 2004 ).

Using Self as a Template

Neuroimaging research has demonstrated that the ability to mentalize relies heavily on similar neural networks engaged in processing self-relevant information, notably the MPFC. The area of greatest activity in the MPFC tends to be more dorsal in theory-of-mind studies than in self-reference studies. Sometimes overlap between ventral and dorsal MPFC is observed when perceivers are asked to infer the mental states of targets—other people—who are most similar to them ( Mitchell et al. 2005 ). This finding suggests the possibility that mental simulation is engaged during theory-of-mind tasks, posing the question “What would I do if I were that person?” Of course, using the self to simulate others would work only if they are reasonably likely to respond in the same way in a given situation ( Mitchell & Heatherton 2009 ). Mitchell and colleagues found support for this idea in an interesting series of neuroimaging studies. In these studies, as perceivers mentalized about the preferences and opinions of a similar other (e.g., someone who shared the same social and political attitudes), a region of ventral MPFC was engaged, which was the same region that was active when subjects considered their own preferences. In contrast, a more dorsal region of MPFC was preferentially engaged when mentalizing about dissimilar others ( Jenkins et al. 2008 ; Mitchell et al. 2005 , 2006 ). These results suggest that people may draw on their own knowledge about self to understand the mental states of others who are similar to them.

Mentalizing the Outgroup

To the extent that group members are likely to be perceived as more similar to the self than those from other groups, it seems likely that people will mentalize more about members of the ingroup than members of the outgroup. After all, the evaluations made of us by members of our own groups are likely to have a much greater impact on our lives than similar judgments made by those from other groups. Indeed, Harris & Fiske (2006) found reduced activity in dorsal MPFC when people made judgments about extreme outgroups, such as homeless people and drug addicts. Likewise, Freeman et al. (2010) found that individuating members of the ingroup (i.e., same race) produced activity in dorsal MPFC whereas it did not do so for members of an outgroup (i.e., different race), although Harris & Fiske (2007) found that the processing of individuating information did increase activity in dorsal MPFC for some outgroup members (e.g., drug addicts). Although research on this topic is in its infancy, understanding how people mentalize about members of ingroups and outgroups has important ramifications for understanding group relations. What is most relevant to this discussion is the idea that people are aware that others are capable of mentalizing and therefore of making judgments about them.

Detection of Threat

One value of having theory of mind is that it supports a third mechanism, which is threat detection, a process particularly useful in complex situations. A wide variety of research indicates that the amygdala plays a special role in responding to stimuli that are threatening ( Feldman Barrett & Wager 2006 , LeDoux 1996 ). Affective processing in the amygdala is a hard-wired circuit that has developed over the course of evolution to protect animals from danger. For example, much data supports the notion that the amygdala is robustly activated in response to primary biologically relevant stimuli (e.g., faces, odors, tastes) even when these stimuli remain below the subjects' level of reported awareness (e.g., Whalen et al. 1998 ). The role of the amygdala in processing social emotions has emerged from patient and neuroimaging research. For instance, Adolphs et al. (2002) presented facial expressions of social emotions (arrogance, guilt, admiration, flirtatiousness) to patients with amygdala damage. Patients with unilateral or bilateral amygdala damage were impaired when recognizing those specific emotions; moreover, they were more impaired at recognizing social emotions than basic emotions. Ruby & Decety (2004) conducted a PET study in which participants were asked to choose the appropriate reaction (from varying perspectives) to sentences that represented different social emotions (embarrassment, pride, shame, guilt, admiration, irritation) or nonsocial emotions and nonemotional sentences. Results revealed heightened amygdala activation during the processing of all social emotions, regardless of the perspective taken during the task. Indeed, the amygdala has been shown to robustly respond to situations in which social norms are violated ( Berthoz et al. 2006 ).

Adaptive Social Emotions

Social emotions facilitate successful social relationships through two primary pathways: they provide incentives to engage in social interactions (e.g., affection, love, feelings of pride or admiration for those with whom we interact), and they increase the likelihood that people will adhere to societal norms that are necessary for group living. When such norms are violated, people experience negative social emotions (e.g., feelings of guilt, embarrassment, or shame) that subsequently encourage them to act within the bounds of socially acceptable conduct, thereby reducing the risk of social exclusion and promoting positive social interactions. Moreover, long-lasting social emotions (such as remembering an embarrassing moment from adolescence) reduce the likelihood of repeat violations. As might be expected, processing information about social emotions also is associated with activity in ACC and dorsal MPFC (for reviews, see Heatherton & Krendl 2009 , Krendl & Heatherton 2009 ).

Social Rejection and Interpersonal Distress

Feeling guilty or ashamed may lead people to obsess about potential expulsion from the group. Social psychologists have documented the pernicious effects of interpersonal rejection on mood, behavior, and cognition ( Smart & Leary 2009 ). A recent series of neuroimaging studies has examined social rejection. Most prominent is the study by Naomi Eisenberger and her colleagues (2003) , who found that the dorsal region of the ACC (dACC) was responsive during a video game designed to elicit feelings of social rejection when virtual interaction partners suddenly and surprisingly stopped cooperating with the research participant.

Since this initial study, other studies have also implicated ACC, although there is open debate about whether ventral or dorsal regions of ACC are more crucial. For instance, one study found that social feedback about acceptance or rejection was associated with differential activity in the vACC ( Somerville et al. 2006 ), and another found vACC activity for rejected adolescents ( Masten et al. 2009 ). One interesting study using paintings portraying rejection imagery observed a somewhat different pattern than found in either of the previous studies ( Kross et al. 2007 ). Although these authors also found dACC to be responsive to rejection imagery, the response was in a different area of dACC from that found by Eisenberger et al. (2003) , and the relation between feelings of rejection and activity in this area was opposite that reported by Eisenberger et al. Another recent study ( Burklund et al. 2007 ) found a relationship between both dACC and vACC activity and rejection sensitivity during emotional processing. Clarifying the roles of dACC and vACC in social feedback is clearly one goal for research on interpersonal rejection.

Finally, Somerville et al. (2010) found that it was primarily individuals with low self-esteem who show enhanced activity in vACC for social feedback. This latter study is consistent with the ideas behind sociometer theory ( Leary et al. 1995 ), which proposes that changes in the self-esteem of individuals may facilitate motivation to engage in behaviors to preserve their status as group members. Indeed, Leary and colleagues suggest that those with low self-esteem are more sensitive to social feedback and are more concerned about possible group exclusion than are those with high self-esteem.

Stereotype Threat

Stereotype threat is the apprehension or fear that some people might experience if they believe that their performance on tests might confirm negative stereotypes about their racial group ( Steele & Aronson 1995 ). It causes distraction and anxiety, interfering with performance by reducing the capacity of short-term memory and undermining confidence and motivation ( Schmader 2010 ). The knowledge that social evaluation threat is associated with vACC activity has provided an interesting opportunity to examine whether stereotype threat effects on performance are due primarily to evaluation apprehension or to interference produced by cognitive load. Krendl et al. (2008) conducted an fMRI study in which women were reminded of gender stereotypes about math ability while they were completing difficult math problems. Women showed an increase in vACC activity while performing difficult math problems after a social threat was induced (reminding them of gender stereotypes), whereas in the absence of social threat, women instead showed heightened activation over time in regions associated with math learning (i.e., angular gyrus, left parietal and prefrontal cortex) and no change in vACC activation. Not surprisingly, women who were threatened exhibited a decrease in math performance over time, whereas women who were not threatened improved in performance over time. Given the above findings, it is reasonable to conclude that the vACC is engaged in social evaluative threat.

The fourth component necessary for successful functioning in the social world is self-regulation. Without it people could be impulsive, emotional wrecks, lashing out upon the smallest provocation, blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, and engaging in whatever behavior feels good at the time. However, threat detection and social emotions that arise from perceived social evaluation serve as guides for subsequent behavior, which is what makes something like feeling guilty adaptive ( Baumeister et al. 1994b ). Feeling socially excluded, which threatens the need to belong, motivates behavior to repair social relationships; feeling ashamed about considering cheating on our partner helps reign in temptations. Put another way, social emotions promote self-regulation, which allows people to change their behaviors so as to prevent being rejected.

Cognitive Neuroscience of Self-Regulation

Various cortical regions have been implicated in self-regulation (for reviews, see Banfield et al. 2004 , Krendl & Heatherton 2009 ), with the prefrontal cortex most notable for the executive functions that support the various cognitive processes that are involved in self-regulation ( Curtis & D'Esposito 2003 , Goldberg 2001 , Miller & Cohen 2001 ). Much of what is known about the neural substrates of self-regulation comes from neuropsychological case studies (see Wagner et al. 2010 , Wagner & Heatherton 2010b ). Beginning with the famous case of Phineas Gauge, the railroad foreman who suffered a tamping iron through the head in a work-related accident, numerous instances have been told of dramatic personality changes following damage to PFC. In most cases these changes were marked by disinhibited and often inappropriate behavior and, sometimes, severe loss of motivation in the absence of any observed cognitive impairment. The three main areas of PFC particularly important to self-regulatory functioning are ventromedial PFC (vMPFC) including orbitofrontal cortex, lateral PFC, and ACC.

Case after case of vMPFC damage, from the late-nineteenth century up through today, remark on various ways in which patients appear unable to regulate their social, affective, or appetitive behaviors ( Anderson et al. 1999 , Beer et al. 2006 , Grafman et al. 1996 ; for review, see Wagner & Heatherton 2010b ). Such patients might become aggressive, antisocial, or inappropriately jocular; exhibit hypersexuality; or engage in excessive overeating. Damage to this region of the brain often results in a deficiency in incorporating feedback from others (and social norms) to make appropriate behavioral choices in social contexts, resulting in social disinhibition and inappropriate approach behavior toward other individuals ( Beer et al. 2003 , 2006 ). Given the breadth of social norms violated by vMPFC-damaged patients, one might be tempted to imagine that vMPFC is somehow responsible for storing the knowledge of such norms and that damage to it therefore results in a lack of awareness of social norms. However, most patients appear to be fully aware of the impropriety of their actions, yet are unable to control their bad behavior nonetheless ( Saver & Damasio 1991 ). What emerges from all these cases is that vMPFC damage involves a general dysregulation of social behavior along with difficulty controlling primary physiological drives.

A considerable amount of research has also implicated lateral regions of PFC in self-regulatory processes. Unlike those suffering from injuries affecting vMPFC function, patients with lateral PFC damage are quite capable of following social norms, understanding emotional cues, and inhibiting inappropriate behaviors. Their struggle, instead, revolves around planning and initiating behaviors, especially complex behaviors requiring the maintenance of multiple goals. One commonly observed symptom can be described as a kind of apathetic listlessness coupled with a loss of motivational drive, even when it comes to things as important as finding employment or mustering the interest necessary to stay in school ( Stuss & Benson 1986 ). A striking example of these symptoms is the difficulty these patients demonstrate when asked to complete relatively simple real-world tasks such as following a shopping list ( Barceló & Knight 2002 , Shallice & Burgess 1991 ).

Another frontal region known to be crucial for self-regulation is the ACC. Most of our knowledge of ACC function comes not from neuropsychology but instead from neuroimaging and electrophysiological studies implicating this region in conflict monitoring ( Carter et al. 1998 , Gehring & Knight 2000 , MacDonald et al. 2000 ) and in signaling the need for cognitive control ( Kerns et al. 2004 ). In the few studies that do exist of focal damage to ACC, a common symptom is of a general apathy along with impoverished affect and difficulty in carrying out goal-directed behaviors ( Cohen et al. 1999 ). Some have thus theorized a role for ACC in detecting and signaling the need for increased cognitive control to bolster self-regulatory efforts, such as may be necessary to overcome temptation ( Botvinick et al. 2001 , Kerns et al. 2004 , Paus 2001 , Peterson et al. 1999 ).

Emotion Regulation

People need to be able to regulate their emotions to function in society. Failure to do so can lead to aggression, violence, and others forms of antisocial behavior. Emotion regulation is also vitally important for overall psychological well-being. Disorders of emotion regulation involve not only aggressive disorders such as antisocial personality disorder, but also encompass debilitating mood disorders such as posttraumatic stress disorder and major depressive disorder. Depression, in particular, poses a large burden on society and is easily the most prevalent ( Kessler et al. 2005 ) and most costly ( Stewart et al. 2003 ) mental health disorder.

Over the past decade, a number of studies have focused on discovering the neural correlates of emotion regulation (see Ochsner & Gross 2005 ). Taken together, such research supports a model of top-down regulation of the amygdala, a brain region vitally important for affective processing, by the PFC ( Davidson et al. 2000 , Ochsner et al. 2004 , Ochsner & Gross 2005 ). Typically, in neuroimaging studies of emotion regulation, participants view negatively valenced images and are asked to engage in specific emotion-regulation strategies, such as suppressing their affective response or engaging in cognitive reappraisal of the negative events depicted in the image (such as converting them from their apparent negativity into something more benign). Studies of this kind have revealed a consistent pattern of results whereby regions of the PFC (e.g., vMPFC and lateral PFC) show increased activity when participants are actively regulating their emotions. Conversely, the amygdala shows reduced activity during suppression of affective responses. Importantly, activity in these two regions is inversely correlated, a finding that is interpreted as evidence of downregulation of amygdala activity by the PFC ( Ochsner et al. 2002 ). The precise region of the PFC responsible for this effect is somewhat in contention, with some studies implicating the vMPFC ( Johnstone et al. 2007 ) and others the lateral PFC ( Ochsner et al. 2002 , Hariri et al. 2003 ). Whatever influences the lateral PFC exerts, however, must be indirect because this area has no direct connections of its own to the amygdala. In fact, Johnstone and colleagues (2007) found support for the proposition that the vMPFC mediates the influence of the lateral PFC over the amygdala, which might help explain the disparate findings of previous studies.

Research focusing on clinical populations provides further evidence of the importance of this amygdala-PFC circuit to emotion regulation. Johnstone and colleagues (2007) showed that when patients with major depressive disorder were asked to regulate their emotions, activation of vMPFC failed to inversely correlate to amygdala activity. Rather, both vMPFC and amygdala activation were exaggeratedly high, suggesting a breakdown in normal modulatory influence of vMPFC over the amygdala. Studies performed on patients with borderline personality disorder have shown similarly exaggerated activation of the amygdala in response to emotional stimuli ( Donegan et al. 2003 ), further supporting the notion of a breakdown in the VMPFC-amygdala circuit among these populations. Patients suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder, too, show interesting patterns of prefrontal and limbic activity in response to emotional stimuli. Shin and colleagues (2005) demonstrated that the exaggerated amygdala activation exhibited by such patients in response to reminders of their traumatic event actually generalizes to unrelated negative emotional stimuli as well. Taken together, these findings of dysfunctional amygdala-prefrontal circuitry in mood disorders highlight the importance of emotion regulation for psychological well-being.

Regulation of Thought

One often-observed effect of damage to the prefrontal cortex is the frequency of expression of offensive, vulgar, or profane language ( Damasio et al. 1990 ) even as these patients recognize the impropriety of their actions ( Saver & Damasio 1991 ). Having undesirable thoughts rise to mind is a universal human experience, such as finding someone's cooking, hairstyle, or newborn repulsive. As Wegner (2009) notes, such unwanted thoughts are likely to emerge at the most inopportune times. Fortunately, most people are able to keep their offending thoughts to themselves.

Although cognitive neuroscientists have a long history of studying response inhibition, there is considerably less work on the neural mechanisms underlying thought suppression ( Anderson & Levy 2009 ). Wyland and colleagues (2003) had participants engage in a thought-suppression task during imaging with fMRI. Compared to blocks of unrestrained thought, suppression of a specific thought recruited ACC, whereas attempts to clear the mind of any thoughts recruited not only ACC but also lateral PFC and insula. In this particular case, it may be that ACC activity was indexing failures to suppress thoughts or was instead signaling an increased need for cognitive control. Because subjects were not required to notify the experimenters if and when, despite their efforts at suppression, an unwanted thought nonetheless slipped into their consciousness, it remained unclear whether this ACC activation signified the thought-suppression process or rather the intrusion of the thoughts that were to be suppressed. As noted, the ACC is thought to be involved with monitoring for errors ( Carter et al. 1998 , Gehring & Knight 2000 , MacDonald et al. 2000 ) and signaling the need for additional cognitive control ( Kerns et al. 2004 ), increasing the plausibility of the latter possibility. To test these two hypotheses, Mitchell and colleagues (2007) performed a similar study in which they asked subjects to notify them, via button press, each time a specific unwanted thought entered their awareness. Critically, the authors employed a state-item design ( Visscher et al. 2003 ) that allowed for separation of regions showing a sustained response during active thought suppression from regions demonstrating transient responses to thought intrusions. Results from this experiment showed that the right lateral PFC demonstrated greater sustained activity during thought suppression compared to epochs of unrestrained thought. The ACC, however, demonstrated transient activity to intrusions of a forbidden thought during periods of thought suppression compared to when that same thought was permissible (e.g., during unrestrained thought epochs). These findings are interpreted as demonstrating that the ACC monitors for conflict and signals the need for additional control, while the lateral PFC is involved in implementing and maintaining cognitive control over the duration of thought suppression periods and is insensitive to temporary failures in thought suppressions ( Mitchell et al. 2007 ). In a related finding, Anderson and colleagues (2004) found evidence for lateral PFC involvement in suppressing the expression of learned word pairs.

Another category of undesirable thoughts in need of routine suppression are those associated with stereotypes and bias. Over the past 20 years, a wealth of social psychological research has demonstrated that racial bias and stereotypes can be automatically activated and that individuals differ in their motivation to engage in deliberate control in suppressing these prejudices ( Devine 1989 , Devine et al. 2002 , Fiske 1998 , Greenwald et al. 1998 , Payne 2001 ). Neuroimaging research on prejudice and race bias has mainly focused on the relative involvement of amygdala and PFC regions, the former being implicated in the automatic component of stereotyping ( Phelps et al. 2000 ), whereas the PFC is involved in top-down control of attitudes ( Lieberman et al. 2005 ). The role of the amygdala in the evaluation of racial ingroup and outgroup members is not simply a story of greater amygdala activity for outgroup members (see Hart et al. 2000 ). Rather, the response in the amygdala to racial outgroup members is more nuanced, reflecting individual differences in automatic negative evaluations of blacks as measured by the implicit association test (IAT) ( Cunningham et al. 2004 , Phelps et al. 2000 ), the opportunity to engage in top-down control ( Cunningham et al. 2004 , Richeson et al. 2003 ), and perceiver's evaluative goals ( Wheeler & Fiske 2005 ).

Cunningham and colleagues (2004) attempted to separate the roles of amygdala and PFC in race evaluations by capitalizing on the fact the amygdala responds rapidly to subliminal presentation of affective stimuli ( Whalen et al. 1998 ). Thus, by presenting black and white faces both implicitly (30 ms) and explicitly (525 ms), the investigators were able to separately assess conditions in which participants were unlikely to engage in cognitive control (implicit presentation) compared to when participants had the opportunity to regulate their responses (explicit presentation). Their findings demonstrated that the amygdala showed greater activity to black faces when participants were unaware that any faces had been presented. However, when participants were given sufficient time to engage in self-regulation, activity in the amygdala did not differentiate between black and white faces; instead, Cunningham et al. (2004) found increased recruitment of lateral PFC regions during the explicit presentation of black compared to white faces, indicating active regulation.

Richeson and colleagues (2003) directly tested of the involvement of PFC regions in controlling prejudice by relating neural activity in the PFC to the amount of cognitive depletion participants experienced after an interracial interaction. After interacting with an African American confederate on a racially charged political issue (e.g., racial profiling), Caucasian participants completed the Stroop task. As found in previous research ( Richeson & Shelton 2003 ), participants with greater automatic negative evaluations of blacks showed increased interference on the Stroop task, indicating that they expended more self-regulatory resources during the interracial interaction, leaving them depleted and less able to inhibit their responses during the Stroop task (see Baumeister & Heatherton 1996 ). Importantly, these same participants later completed an ostensibly unrelated fMRI experiment in which they viewed images of black and white faces. As with the experiment by Cunningham et al. (2004) , participants engaged lateral PFC and ACC regions in response to the black compared to white faces. However, Richeson and colleagues were then able to relate the magnitude of PFC activity to the degree to which participants exhibited increased Stroop interference in the previous interracial interaction experiment. Activity in both the lateral PFC and ACC was positively correlated with both increased Stroop interference and with a measure of implicit racial stereotyping ( Richeson et al. 2003 ). That is, participants who exhibited greater self-regulatory depletion following a face-to-face interracial interaction were also more likely to recruit regions of the PFC involved in cognitive control when viewing black faces. The notion of cognitive depletion stems from the theory that cognitive resources are finite; hence, actions that overexert these resources (i.e., restraining impulses, forcing oneself to perform a tedious task) deplete them ( Baumeister & Heatherton 1996 ). Thus, Richeson & Shelton's (2003) finding that inhibiting prejudice appears to deplete cognitive resources suggests that the act of controlling prejudice requires cognitive control.

Regulation of Behaviors

The modern world is filled with temptations. Every day, people have to resist the lure of sugar-filled desserts, cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, sex, sleep when they should be awake, browsing the Internet when they should be working—the list goes on ad infinitum. Psychologists have made considerable progress in identifying the individual and situational factors that encourage or impair self-control ( Baumeister et al. 1994 , Mischel et al. 1996 , Posner & Rothbart 1998 ). Failure to self-regulate is implicated in a variety of negative behaviors, including substance abuse, prejudice, and criminal behavior (see Baumeister & Heatherton 1996 ). Conversely, those who are better able to self-regulate demonstrate improved relationships, increased job success, and better mental health ( Duckworth & Seligman 2005 , Tangney et al. 2004 ). In spite of the numerous studies of executive function and inhibition, relatively few neuroimaging studies have directly examined social psychological models of self-regulation ( Wagner & Heatherton 2010b ).

Although there are many causes of self-regulation failure, a common process involves latent motivations and activating stimuli ( Baumeister & Heatherton 1996 ). That is, a hungry person may not decide to act on his or her hunger until seeing an advertisement for tasty fast food. For others, seeing the fast food commercial reminds the person that he or she is trying to avoid excess calories and so the urge to eat is overridden. Controlling behavior in this circumstance is difficult because neural mechanisms of reward, namely the mesolimbic dopamine system, encourage us to engage in activities that activate dopamine neurons in the nucleus accumbens (NAcc). A common feature of all rewards, including drugs of abuse, is that they activate dopamine receptors in the NAcc ( Carelli et al. 2000 , Kelley & Berridge 2002 , Koob & Le Moal 1997 ). In neuroimaging research there is convergent evidence in the form of increased activation of the NAcc region in response to the ingestions of food ( O'Doherty et al. 2003 ) and of drugs of abuse ( Breiter et al. 1997 , Zubieta et al. 2005 ). The involvement of these regions in reward processing and expectation has been well established by numerous neuroimaging studies ( Cloutier et al. 2008 , Delgado et al. 2000 , Knutson et al. 2005 ).

Moreover, simply viewing images of primary rewards, such as erotic images ( Karama et al. 2002 ) or images of drugs ( David et al. 2007 , Garavan et al. 2000 ), can lead to activation of mesolimbic reward systems. This “cue-reactivity” paradigm has been instrumental in research on obesity and drug addiction, which has repeatedly demonstrated that obese individuals ( Rothemund et al. 2007 , Stoeckel et al. 2008 ), smokers ( David et al. 2007 , Due et al. 2002 ), and drug addicts ( Childress et al. 1999 , Garavan et al. 2000 , Maas et al. 1998 , Wexler et al. 2001 ) exhibit greater cue reactivity than do control participants. Importantly, this cue-related activity predicts self-reported cravings for food or drug items ( McClernon et al. 2005 , Myrick et al. 2008 , Wang et al. 2004 ).

Activation of reward systems, whether in the face of real objects or their visual representations, poses a challenge to persons trying not to engage in the putatively rewarding activity. As might be anticipated by the discussion above, various PFC regions are important for resisting temptation. For example, Beauregard and colleagues found that subjects recruited lateral PFC and ACC when asked to inhibit arousal in response to erotic images ( Beauregard et al. 2001 ), and when Brody and colleagues asked smokers to suppress their cravings, they observed heightened ACC activation compared to when they were asked to increase cravings ( Brody et al. 2007 ). An example of the importance of these regions for the regulation of appetitive behaviors comes from a study of successful and nonsuccessful dieters. In response to food consumption, successful dieters show increased activity in lateral PFC (i.e., dorsal lateral prefrontal cortex), suggesting that they spontaneously engage self-regulatory strategies in order to curtail food-seeking behavior ( DelParigi et al. 2007 ).

Among the common patterns of self-regulatory failure identified by Baumeister & Heatherton (1996) were lapse-activated causes, in which people responded to an initial indulgence in a forbidden substance (e.g., alcohol, food, or tobacco) by consuming more of it; “just one cigarette” quickly turns into half a pack, have “just one drink” and before you know it the whole bottle is gone. For example, in a laboratory study, Herman & Mack (1975) forced chronic dieters to break their diets by drinking a large calorie-dense milkshake and found that they subsequently overate, as compared to controls, in a supposed taste test. Once the diet is broken for the day, dieters appear to give up control, perhaps anticipating starting their diets anew the next day. Similar findings have been obtained in many subsequent studies (see review by Heatherton & Baumeister 1991 ).

Theories of drug addiction posit that hypersensitivity of the reward areas to drug cues ( Stoeckel et al. 2008 ) along with a failure of the normal top-down prefrontal regulation of such regions ( Bechara 2005 ; Koob & Le Moal 1997 , 2008 ) combine to result in the failure of addicts to control behavior. This theory was put to the test in a study examining food-cue reactivity in the nucleus accumbens in chronic dieters and nondieters ( Demos et al. 2010 ). Using a milkshake preload similar to that of Herman & Mack (1975) , half of the participants had their diet broken prior to viewing food cues. Dieters who drank the milkshake, which presumably broke their diets, showed increased NAcc food-cue reactivity compared to both the nondieters and the chronic dieters whose diet had not been broken ( Demos et al. 2010 ). Interestingly, chronic dieters demonstrated increased recruitment of lateral PFC in response to food cues compared to nondieters. But there was no effect of the diet-breaking preload on lateral PFC activity, suggesting that dieters who drank the milkshake were still engaged in self-regulation but were nevertheless failing to inhibit cue-related activity in reward systems. This phenomenon is mimicked in obese individuals who show enhanced activity in brain reward systems to images of food in comparison with matched controls ( Stoeckel et al. 2008 ). Taken together, these findings paint a picture of a dysregulated reward system whereby NAcc, no longer under the influence of top-down control from the PFC, demonstrates an exaggerated response to food cues, leading to eventual collapse of self-control.

Self-Regulation as a Limited Resource

Although the self-regulation of emotion, thought, and behavior can be considered separately, it is likely that similar processes are common across all domains of self-regulation. Baumeister & Heatherton (1996) proposed a strength model of self-regulation in which a general resource is exhausted by repeated attempts at self-regulation ( Muraven & Baumeister 2000 , Vohs & Heatherton 2000 ). For instance, regulating emotions impairs dieters' abilities to restrain themselves from eating and to maintain diet standards ( Hofmann et al. 2007 ). Putting participants under high cognitive load has also been shown to impair self-regulation, causing dieters to exhibit unrestrained eating in comparison with participants under low cognitive load ( Ward & Mann 2000 ). Similarly, Muraven and colleagues showed that participants who engaged in an effortful thought-suppression manipulation subsequently showed impaired impulse control and drank more alcohol than did control participants ( Muraven et al. 2002 ). Also, as mentioned, if one is high on implicit bias toward the members of another race, interacting with one of them can significantly interfere with one's ability to complete tasks involving response inhibition, such as the Stroop task ( Richeson & Shelton 2003 ).

Evidence from neuroimaging studies echoes these findings. In one study, subjects who completed a difficult attention-control task showed reduced recruitment of lateral PFC and became less adept at regulating emotion ( Wagner & Heatherton 2010a ). In a study of chronic dieters, emotion-regulation tasks had the same effect of reducing lateral PFC activation as well as increasing NAcc activity in response to food cues ( Heatherton et al. 2010 ). As discussed above in this section, lateral PFC appears to be recruited as a means of top-down control of emotional and appetitive impulses. A failure to fully recruit its assistance in regulating such impulses, therefore, can undoubtedly help explain the failures in self-regulation exhibited by subjects in behavioral studies.

As members of a highly complex social species, humans have evolved a fundamental need to belong that encourages them to be good group members and avoid actions that would have them expelled. Four basic components allow people to modify their actions so as to avoid expulsion, namely, self-awareness, theory of mind, threat detection, and self-regulation. Recent research in social neuroscience has provided insights into the cognitive bases of these components, such as how material processed with reference to self might have special status in human cognition, how people might use themselves as templates to predict the actions of others, how outgroup members may not be imbued with theory of mind, how evaluation apprehension might underlie stereotype threats, and how frontal inhibitory mechanisms may be challenged by cues that activate brain reward regions. It is likely that the nature of these processes changes as the other components are considered, such as threat detection differing as a function of whether the threat is from an ingroup or outgroup source and differential self-processing underlying self-regulatory success or failure. The methods and theories of social and cognitive neuroscience are likely to continue to grow increasingly sophisticated, furthering our understanding of the social brain.

Acknowledgments

Thanks are due to Anne Krendl, Dylan Wagner, and Jane Tucker for their assistance with this review, which is also supported in part by grants from NIDA (22582) and NIMH (59282).

DISCLOSURE STATEMENT: The author is not aware of any affiliations, memberships, funding, or financial holdings that might be perceived as affecting the objectivity of this review.

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• Self-Regulation

What is Self Regulation?

The ability to self-regulate has been viewed as a desirable quality throughout history because of its positive affects on behavior and the acquisition of skills (Reid, 1993). The appeal of self-regulation and its positive effects on behavior and educational outcomes has prompted much research in this area. "Self-Regulation refers to the self-directive process through which learners transform their mental abilities into task related skills" (Zimmerman, 2001). This is the method or procedure that learners use to manage and organize their thoughts and convert them into skills used for learning. Self-regulation is the process of continuously monitoring progress toward a goal, checking outcomes, and redirecting unsuccessful efforts (Berk, 2003). In order for students to be self-regulated they need to be aware of their own thought process, and be motivated to actively participate in their own learning process (Zimmerman, 2001). 

Why use Self-Regulation?

Self-regulation is desirable because of the effects that it has on educational and behavioral outcomes. The use of Self-Regulation techniques are a way to actively engage otherwise passive students in their academic instruction. Students need to view learning as an activity that they do for themselves in a proactive manner, rather than viewing learning as a covert event that happens to them as a result of instruction (Zimmerman, 2001). Allowing students to take a more active role in their education puts students in the driver's seat and in charge. 

Who is Self-Regulation good for?

Self-regulation techniques are widely used. Successful people and learners use self-regulation to effectively and efficiently accomplish a task. They will regulate different strategies and monitor the effectiveness of that strategy while evaluating and determining the next course of action. Generally, successful learners already utilize various forms of self-regulation. Instruction in the use of self-regulation is typically directed towards students who are not currently using such techniques, and consequently are not successful in educational settings. Through the use of strategies and self-regulation, performance can be greatly improved. The use of self-regulation techniques assists students in performing tasks more effectively and independently. For example, successful learners will constantly check their comprehension. When successful learners read a passage, and realize that they do not understand what they have read, they will go back and reread, and question or summarize what is that they need to understand. On the other hand, when a student with learning disabilities reads a passage, and realizes that they do not understand what they have read, they tend to shut down, or just continue to read because they do not recognize the goal of reading the passage. Students with learning disabilities tend to be passive learners, often failing to evaluate and monitor their own learning, in order to compensate they allow others to regulate their learning or rely on the assistance of others to successfully complete a task. They lack these essential executive control functions, which are necessary to complete complex academic tasks independently. Components of Executive Control Process: 

1. Coordinating metacognitive knowledge - Regulating cognitive and metacognitive knowledge, understanding one's own knowledge, and thought process. 

2. Planning - Using a deliberate and organized approach to attack a task.

3. Monitoring - Assessing comprehension while progressing through a task, and checking for effectiveness, testing, evaluating and revising strategies.

4. Failure detection - While progressing through a task, detecting when there is a misunderstanding or an error is made. 

5. Failure correction - When an error is detected, going back and correcting any mistakes. Through instruction in various self-regulation techniques students with learning disabilities can be successful at "the self-directive process through which learners transform their mental abilities into task related skills" (Zimmerman, 2001). 

Self-Monitoring

Different theories of self-regulation exist, but for our purposes the guidelines that these theories provide to direct interventions are more important. These guidelines are consistent with the various self-regulation interventions. The two major guidelines derived from theoretical perspectives are: 1. The behavior to be targeted has to have value to the individual intended to self-regulate that behavior. If the target behavior was not seen as valuable there would be no reason to self-regulate that behavior, it would serve no purpose. It is also important to keep in mind that the particular behavior itself may not be valuable or rewarding, but the effect that the behavior produces or the individuals' perception of the behavior may be valuable. 2. The target behavior needs to be both definable and observable. Defining the behavior specifically and objectively is essential. If the behavior is not defined in detail, it will be difficult or impossible to self-regulate. The behavior needs to be well articulated so that anyone would be able to understand the behavior being targeted, and the occurrence of that behavior can easily be observed. It does not need to be overt and observable to outside individuals, but it does need to be observable to the individual intended to self-regulate. Harris, Reid, and Graham (in press), describe four cornerstones of self-regulation: self-monitoring, self-instruction, goal setting, and self-reinforcement. We will define and describe each independently, however they are all interrelated and can be used independently or in combination. -Self-Monitoring of Attention

-Self-monitoring of Performance

-Self-Monitoring of Strategy Performance

-Implementing Self-Monitoring

-Common Questions

Self-Instruction

We often talk to ourselves. This spontaneous speech of this is referred to as private speech and serves no communicative function. It is part of normal early childhood development and tends to peak around age eight and to disappear by around age ten. Researchers realized that this private speech often served to help individuals perform tasks. These researchers utilized this phenomenon as an intervention called self-instruction in which individuals are literally taught to "talk themselves" through a task. Self-instruction uses induced self-statements. Self-instruction serves many purposes. It may aid in orienting, organizing, and/or structuring behavior. Children will use private speech to consciously understand or focus on a problem or situation and to overcome difficulties. The goal of self-instruction is to go from modeled, induced, strategic, task-relevant, private speech to covert, strategic, task-relevant, private speech.

-Functions of Self-Instruction

-Variables Which Affect Self-Instruction

-Types of Self-Instruction

-Self-Instruction Training

Goal Setting

Goal setting is a common practice among successful learners. Goals allow us to see progress that is made, enhance motivation, provide structure and focus attention, and serve an informational function. Goal setting also provides a logical "rule of thumb" for attacking a problem. In research and practice goal setting has been shown to be an influential and valuable means for improving performance. The expected and anticipated fulfillment gained by reaching or making progress toward a goal provides motivation to continue until the goal is reached or exceeded (Harris, Reid, Graham, in press). 

Properties of Goals

To use goal setting, it is important to consider the properties of effective goals. There are three critical properties of goals: 1. Specificity - Goals should be well defined and set clear standards. This provides the student with a thorough understanding of what is expected. This will also make it easier for them to gauge their progress. 2. Difficulty - This refers to how challenging the goal is for the individual. It is important to set goals at a moderate level of difficulty for the student. Goals should be set at a level of difficulty so that the student has to put forth effort and utilize resources, but are still attainable. Setting goals that can be achieved with little or no effort will not increase a student's motivation; setting goals that are too difficult will be overwhelming for students. 3. Proximity - Proximal goals are goals that can be completed in the near future. Distal goals are goals set to be completed only in the future (i.e. long-term goals). Proximal goals produce greater performance because they are more immediately attainable. Distal goals should be broken down into to several proximal goals set to reach that long-term goal.

Self-Reinforcement

Self-reinforcement occurs when a student chooses a reinforcer and self-administers it when criterion for performance is reached. For self-reinforcement to be successful, students should anticipate providing themselves with the reinforcer when they have reached an acceptable level of performance (after I get all my math homework done, I can go outside and play.) The reinforcer must also be readily accessible for the student to access, at least eventually. There are four steps involved in teaching children in self-reinforcement. 1. Determining standards and setting evaluative criteria - Students need to be able to understand when they have met the requirements necessary to be able to self-reinforce. For example, a student may set a goal of writing two pages of a report and when those two pages are complete they can play a video game for 15 minutes. They will need to determine their standards for writing two pages (organization, writing, revision, editing, or whatever it may be). 2. Selecting a reinforcer to be earned, and controlling access to that reward, making it only attainable after performance of the target behavior has occurred - The reinforcer needs to be something that the student can only receive after they perform the target behavior and are not able to obtain it otherwise. It cannot be readily accessible. 3. Performance evaluation to determine whether the set criterion was met - They need to be able to evaluate their performance against the set standards. For instance, using the writing example, they need to be able to evaluate their writing performance and decide if they have successfully met the standards of writing two pages. 4. Self-administration of the reward - The students need to be able to dispense, or provide themselves with, the reinforcer. This is crucial if the process is to be a successful "self"-reinforcement.

Bibliography

Zimmerman, B.J. (2001). Theories of Self-Regulated Learning and Academic Achievement: An Overview and Analysis. In Zimmerman, B.J. & Schunk, D.H. (Ed.), Self-Regulated Learning and Academic Achievement: Theoretical Perspectives (pp. 1-65). Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Publishers. Reid, R. (1993). Implementing self-monitoring interventions in the classroom: Lessons from research. Monograph in Behavior Disorders: Severe Behavior Disorders in Youth, 16, 43-54. Reid, R. (1996). Research in self-monitoring with students with learning disabilities: The present, the prospects, the pitfalls. Journal of Learning Disabilities, 29, 317-331. Schunk, D.H. (1990). Goal setting and self-efficacy during self-regulated learning. Educational Psychologist, 25, 71-86. Braswell, L. (1998). Self-regulation training for children with ADHD: A reply to Harris and Schmidt. ADHD Report, 6(1), 1-3. Harris, K. R., Reid, R., & Graham, S. (in press). Self-regulation among children with LD and ADHD. In B. Wong (Ed.), Learning about learning disabilities. San Diego, CA: Elsevier. Harris, K.R. & Schmidt, T. (1997). Learning self-regulation in the classroom. ADHD Report, 5(2), 1-6. Harris, K.R. & Schmidt, T. (1998). Developing self-regulation does not equal self-instructional training: Reply to Braswell. ADHD Report, 6(2), 7-11. Harris, K.R. (1990). Developing self-regulated learners: The role of private speech and self-instructions. Educational Psychologist, 25, 35-49. Berk, L.E. (2003). Child development. Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon.

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Self-Control

Self-regulation, to feel better, focus on what is most important..

Posted October 28, 2011 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

• What Is Self-Control?
• Find a therapist to help with self-control
• Self-regulation is the ability to calm yourself down when you're upset and cheer yourself up when you're down.
• To improve self-regulation, it helps to understand the biology and function of emotions.
• Consistent self-regulation requires focus on your deepest values rather than feelings.

Research consistently shows that self-regulation skill is necessary for reliable emotional well being. Behaviorally, self-regulation is the ability to act in your long-term best interest, consistent with your deepest values. (Violation of one's deepest values causes guilt , shame , and anxiety , which undermine well being.) Emotionally, self-regulation is the ability to calm yourself down when you're upset and cheer yourself up when you're down.

If, like most of us, you can stand to improve self-regulation skill, a good place to start is an understanding of the biology and function of emotions in general and specifically feelings. Emotions move us. The word, " emotion ," derived from the Latin, literally means "to move." The ancients believed that emotions move behavior; in modern times we say they motivate behavior. They energize us to do things by sending chemical signals to the muscles and organs of the body; they prepare us for action .

Whether subtle or intense, conscious or unconscious , overt or covert, all emotions have one of three motivations:

In approach motivation , you want to get more of something, experience more, discover more, learn more, or appreciate more — you increase its value or worthiness of your attention . Typical approach emotions are interest, enjoyment, compassion, trust, and love. Common approach behaviors are learning, encouraging, relating, negotiating, cooperating, pleasing, delighting, influencing, guiding, setting limits, and protecting.

In avoid motivation, you want to get away from something — you lower its value or worthiness of your attention. Common avoid behaviors are ignoring, rejecting, withdrawing, looking down on, dismissing.

In attack motivation, you want to devalue, insult, criticize, undermine, harm, coerce, dominate, incapacitate, or destroy. Attack emotions are anger , hatred, contempt, and disgust. Characteristic attack behaviors are demanding, manipulating, dominating, coercing, threatening, bullying , harming, and abusing.

Feelings are the conscious and most misunderstood component of emotions. In contrast to the simplicity of basic motivation, feelings are complex, ever-changing, and subject to moods (like depression ), sensations (like warmth, cold, pleasure, pain, comfort, discomfort), and physiological states (like hunger and tiredness). All these can feel like emotions, which is why people often give psychological meaning to anything that feels uncomfortable. Discomfort seems close enough to negative emotions to keep us hopelessly confused, as long as we focus on feelings instead of motivations.

In mammalian organisms, feelings are not ends in themselves but a means of focusing attention, so we'll act on the motivation of the present emotion. For instance, if you're interested in something but don't approach it, the usually unconscious emotion of interest starts to feel like anticipation, excitement, a nagging hunch, or anxiety. If you have ignored someone you love and don't approach to kiss and make up, the usually unconscious emotion of guilt will begin to feel like impatience, frustration, anxiety, or depression. If you blame it on your partner, unconscious guilt becomes anger and resentment.

When we act on the basic motivation of emotions, we are usually aware of little or no feelings. That's how you can get interested in something, look up at the clock, and notice that several hours have passed, during which you were largely unaware of your feelings. It's also how you can pay no attention to someone you love in avoid motivation and be sincerely surprised when your partner accuses you of ignoring him/her, which you were entirely unaware of doing.

Of course, you can become aware of feelings if you reflect on them, but that will often stop the motivation and change the behavior, as well as distort the feeling. For instance, you can probably recall a romantic moment, like walking on the beach or lying in front of a cozy fireplace, when your partner almost ruined it by asking, "What are you feeling right now?" You had to stop sharing interest and enjoyment to think about what it feels like to share interest and enjoyment.

Self-regulation is more attainable when focused on values rather than feelings. The latter should be evaluated as signals about reality - a means to self-regulation, rather than an end in themselves. Indeed, self-regulation is difficult when focused on feelings, simply because focus amplifies, magnifies, and distorts them.

• "I feel bad..." focuses attention on the bad feeling, which invokes assessment, explanation, justification, and often interpretation of them:
• "This is how bad I feel....These are the reasons I feel bad....I have a right to feel bad.... This is what the bad feelings mean about me or those around me...."

All the above keep you focused on what is wrong. If you blame your feelings on someone else, they will stimulate retaliation motives that will prevent you from improving whatever is truly causing the negative feelings.

Feelings are an important part of how humans create meaning and motivate behavior, but they are never the only important — and rarely the most important — aspect of the meaning-behavior complex. Indeed, focus on feelings without regard to values will more likely lead to addictions and compulsions than beneficial behavior.

Consistent self-regulation requires focus on your deepest values rather than feelings. It's also the best way to feel better. Violation of values invariably produces bad feelings, while fidelity to them eventually makes you feel more authentic and empowered.

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Promoting Self-Regulation and Critical Reflection in the Writing Classroom

by Nilakshi Herath | 24 Jun 2021

Self-regulated learning is an active, constructive process whereby students learn to set goals and then to monitor, regulate, and control their cognition, motivation, and behavior…  ( Pintrich, 2000).   In tertiary level ESL writing classes, most students very often tend to remain passive and unmotivated because they lack self-regulation and critical reflection, which are crucial in producing classroom assignments in terms of reflective essays and independent compositions.    However, self-regulation does not come easily and calls for teachers to use instructional practices that foster students’ self-regulation.  This resource shares some of the best practices to foster students’ self-regulation in the writing classroom.

Resource Type: Teaching Tips

Audience: University

Audience Language Proficiency: Intermediate

• Critical thinking involves a variety of skills such as identifying a particular source of information and reflecting on whether or not that information is consistent with one's prior knowledge. So, activities such as engaging students in a classroom debate on a controversial issue prior to writing a persuasive essay or providing them with graphs and tables of real issues to write paragraphs will help develop critical thinking of students.

When students start a writing assignment, they often jump in without understanding what they are supposed to do. Task analysis is a strategy which can be used to avoid that.

Goal setting is effective in directing students to be focused on what they write. For an example, if a student is writing a story, a challenging writing goal may be to show the emotions of the characters through dialogue, rather than mere description.

Think-pair-share is an effective activity which enhances self-regulation. This short activity allows for a break  during lectures so students can answer a question posed by the instructor. First the students reflect on the question independently. Then they discuss their responses with a partner. Lastly, groups of students share their thoughts with the whole class. Students can engage in the writing task afterwards.

Pintrich, P. R. (2000). The role of goal orientation in self-regulated learning. In M.   Boekaerts, P. R.   Pintrich, & M.   Zeidner  (Eds.)  Handbook of self-regulation. San Diego, CA: Academic Press.

Schunk, D. H. & Zimmerman, B. J. (2008).   Motivation and self-regulated learning: Theory, research, and applications.  New York: Lawrence Erlbaum.

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Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Mia Belle Frothingham

Author, Researcher, Science Communicator

BA with minors in Psychology and Biology, MRes University of Edinburgh

Mia Belle Frothingham is a Harvard University graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in Sciences with minors in biology and psychology

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Saul Mcleod, PhD

Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester

Saul Mcleod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc

Associate Editor for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education

Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to perceive, understand, and manage one’s own emotions and relationships. It involves being aware of emotions in oneself and others and using this awareness to guide thinking and behavior. Emotionally intelligent individuals can motivate themselves, read social cues, and build strong relationships

Some researchers propose that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened, while others argue it is an inborn characteristic.

The ability to express and manage emotions is essential, but so is the ability to understand, diagnose, and react to the emotions of others. Imagine a world in which one could not understand when a friend felt sad or a classmate was angry.

Why is Emotional Intelligence Critical?

Emotional Intelligence is the “ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior” (Salovey and Mayer, 1990).

Having a higher level of emotional intelligence allows one to empathize with others, communicate effectively, and be both self and socially aware. How people respond to themselves and others impacts all types of environments.

Living in this world signifies interacting with many diverse kinds of individuals and constant change with life-changing surprises.

Being emotionally intelligent is key to how one reacts to what life throws. It is furthermore a fundamental element of compassion and comprehending the deeper reasons behind other people’s actions.

It is not the most intelligent people who are the most prosperous or the most fulfilled in life. Many people are academically genius and yet are socially incompetent and unsuccessful in their careers or their intimate relationships.

Intellectual ability or intelligence quotient (IQ) is not enough on its own to achieve success in life. Undoubtedly, IQ can help one get into university, but your Emotional Intelligence (EI) will help one manage stress and emotions when facing final exams.

IQ and EI exist in tandem and are most influential when they build off one another.

Emotional intelligence is also valuable for leaders who set the tone of their organization. If leaders lack emotional intelligence , it could have more far-reaching consequences, resulting in lower worker engagement and a higher turnover rate.

While one might excel at one’s job technically, if one cannot effectively communicate with one’s team or collaborate with others, those specialized skills will get neglected.

By mastering emotional intelligence, one can positively impact anywhere and continue to advance one’s position and career in life. EI is vital when dealing with stressful situations like confrontation, change, and obstacles.

Emotional intelligence helps one build stronger relationships, succeed at work or school, and achieve one’s career and personal goals, as well as reduce group stress, defuse conflict, and enhance job satisfaction.

It can also help connect with one’s inner feelings, turn purpose into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to oneself.

During these times, it is essential to remember to practice kindness, and being in touch with our emotions can help us do just that.

Examples of Emotional Intelligence

How does one become emotionally intelligent? Below we will discuss what one can do to learn to improve the skills that are behind emotional intelligence (EI).

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize the meanings of emotions and to reason and problem-solve based on them (Mayer, Caruso, & Salovey, 1999).

By working on and improving these skills, one can become more emotionally intelligent and, therefore, more successful!

Emotional Awareness and Understanding

Self-awareness, or the ability to recognize and comprehend one’s own emotions, is a vital emotional intelligence skill. Beyond acknowledging one’s feelings, however, is being conscious of the effect of one’s actions, moods, and emotions on other people.

According to research by Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist, 95% of individuals believe they are self-aware. Still, only 10 to 15 percent genuinely are, which can cause problems for the people one interacts with.

Being with people who are not self-aware can be frustrating and lead to increased stress and decreased encouragement.

To become self-aware, one must be capable of monitoring one’s emotions while recognizing different emotional reactions and correctly identifying each distinct emotion.

Self-aware individuals also can recognize the connections between the things they feel and how they act.

These individuals also acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses, are open to new data and experiences, and learn from their exchanges with others.

Furthermore, people who maintain self-awareness have a fine sense of humor, are confident in themselves and their capabilities, and know how others perceive them.

Here are some tips on improving one’s self-awareness:

Ask for constructive feedback from others.

Keep a journal of one’s thoughts and feelings.

Practice mindfulness – try meditating.

Pay careful attention to one’s thoughts and emotions.

Pursue one’s passions and do what makes one happy.

Learn new skills and set goals for oneself.

Reflect on one’s experiences and be grateful.

Use positive self-talk daily.

Work on building a growth mindset.

Emotional Self Regulation (Managing Emotions)

In addition to being aware of one’s own emotions and the impact one has on others, emotional intelligence requires one to regulate and manage one’s emotions .

This does not mean taking emotions out of sight and essentially “locking” them away, hence hiding one’s true feelings. It just means waiting for the right time and place to express them. Self-regulation is all about communicating one’s emotions appropriately in context. A reaction tends to be involuntary.

The more in tune one is with one’s emotional intelligence, the easier one can transition from an instant reaction to a well-thought-out response. It is crucial to remember to pause, breathe, compose oneself, and do what it takes to manage one’s emotions.

This could mean anything to oneself, like taking a walk or talking to a friend, so that one can more appropriately and intentionally respond to tension and adversity.

Those proficient in self-regulation tend to be flexible and acclimate well to change. They are also suitable for handling conflict and diffusing uncomfortable or difficult situations.

People with healthy self-regulation skills also tend to have heightened conscientiousness. They reflect on how they influence others and take accountability for their actions.

Here are some tips on improving one’s self-regulation:

Look at challenges as opportunities.

Be mindful of thoughts and feelings.

Build distress and anxiety tolerance skills.

Work on accepting reflections and emotions.

Find ways to manage difficult emotions.

Practice communication and social skills.

Recognize that one has a choice in how one responds.

Use cognitive reframing to change emotional responses and thought patterns.

Social Empathy (Perceiving Emotions)

Empathy , or the capability to comprehend how other people are feeling, is crucial to perfecting emotional intelligence.

However, it involves more than just being able to identify the emotional states of others. It also affects one’s responses to people based on this knowledge.

How does one respond when one senses someone is feeling sad or hopeless? One might treat them with extra care and consideration, or one might make a push to lift their mood.

Being empathetic also allows one to understand the authority dynamics that frequently influence social relationships, especially in the workplace.

This is essential for guiding one’s daily interactions with various people. In fact, it is found that empathy ranks as the number one leadership skill.

Leaders proficient in empathy perform more than 40% higher in coaching, engaging others, and decision-making. In a different study, researchers found that leaders who show more empathy toward their co-workers and constructive criticism are viewed as better performers by their supervisors.

Those competent in this element can recognize who maintains power in different relationships. They also understand how these forces impact feelings and behaviors. Because of this, they can accurately analyze different situations that hinge on such power dynamics.

Here are some tips on improving social empathy:

Be willing to share emotions.

Listen to other people.

Practice meditation.

Engage in a purpose like a community project.

Meet and talk to new people.

Try to imagine yourself in someone else’s place.

Social Skills (Using Emotions)

The ability to interact well with others is another vital aspect of emotional intelligence. Solid social skills allow people to build meaningful relationships with others and develop a more robust understanding of themselves and others.

Proper emotional understanding involves more than just understanding one’s own emotions and those of others. One also needs to put this information to work in one’s daily interactions and communications.

In the workplace or professional settings, managers benefit by being able to build relationships and connections with employees.

Workers benefit from developing a solid rapport with leaders and co-workers. Some prefer to avoid conflict, but it is crucial to address issues as they arise correctly.

Research shows that every unaddressed conflict can waste almost eight hours of company time on unproductive activities, damaging resources and morale. Essential social skills include active listening , verbal communication, nonverbal communication, leadership , and persuasiveness.

Here are some tips on improving social skills:

Ask open-ended questions.

Find icebreakers that will help start conversations.

Practice good eye contact.

Practice active listening with the entire body.

Notice other people’s social skills.

Show interest in others and ask them personal questions.

Watch one’s body language and that of others.

In The Workplace

Emotional intelligence includes showing genuine compassion, empathizing with the needs of individuals, and encouraging the ongoing personal growth of individuals.

When a leader takes into account the emotions of their followers, they then learn how to best engage with them.

1. Lending a Compassionate Ear to a Frustrated Co-Worker

Employees will inevitably get upset, have bad moods, argue, and just generally have bad days. In practice, compassion, understanding, and awareness are definite signs of emotional intelligence.

Awareness of and reacting to other people’s emotional states shows an understanding that all humans experience intense emotions and says that a person’s feelings matter.

2. Listening to Others Respectfully

Ever been to a conference when it seems like everyone is speaking over each other, trying to get the last word?

This is not only an indication of egos taking over and a lack of consideration for others; these are also indications of there being a lack of emotional intelligence.

When individuals are allowed to speak, and others listen without persistent interruptions, it is a good sign of EI. It shows reciprocal respect between parties and is more likely to lead to a productive conclusion in meetings.

3. Being Flexible

Flexibility is a critical term in organizations today. Building flexibility into how people function can be the difference between keeping the best workers and drifting out the door.

Emotionally intelligent leaders comprehend the changing needs of others and are ready to work with them rather than attempting to impose rigid restrictions on how people go about their work.

They do not expect everyone to work the hours they do, hold the same priorities, or live by precisely the same values.

In Healthcare

1. being patient with hurting individuals.

When in healthcare, it is expected that doctors and nurses will have to manage people in pain. Emotional intelligence not only allows for better patient care but also for better self-care.

For instance, if a patient is lashing out, and one can see that they are in pain, one will be far less likely to take their combativeness personally and treat them better.

2. Acting as the Effective Leader

In healthcare, there is a necessity to have influential leaders, a trusting environment with a helpful team, critical thinking, and quality patient and family-centered care.

A higher emotional intelligence will allow healthcare professionals to respond and react better to patients. Studies have shown a correlation between emotional intelligence and positive patient outcomes.

3. Responding Better to Stressful Situations

Multiple occasions in healthcare involve an urgent situation involving a life or death scenario. Doctors and nurses must check their own emotions.

Being in healthcare is a highly emotional career, and being aware of your feelings when they come up is key to effective self-care.

Interacting with patients can cause overwhelming joy or deep sadness, and these fluctuations can be utterly exhausting.

The ability to deal with these feelings, take breaks, and ask for help when you need it is another example of good emotional intelligence that nurses should practice.

Tips for Improving EI

Be more self-aware.

Awareness of one’s emotions and emotional responses to others can significantly improve one’s emotional intelligence. Knowing when one is feeling anxious or angry can help process and communicate those feelings in a way that promotes healthy results.

Recognize how others feel

Emotional intelligence could start with self-reflection, but measuring how others perceive one’s behavior and communication is essential. Adjusting one’s message based on how one is being received is an integral part of being emotionally intelligent.

Practice active listening

People communicate verbally and nonverbally, so listening and monitoring for potentially positive and negative reactions is essential. Taking the time to hear others also demonstrates a level of respect that can form the basis for healthy relationships.

Communicate clearly

Solid communication skills are critical for emotional intelligence. Knowing what to express or write and when to offer information is crucial for building strong relationships.

For instance, as a manager in a work environment, communicating expectations and goals is required to keep everyone on the same page.

Stay positive

A positive attitude is incredibly infectious. Emotionally intelligent people comprehend the power of positive words, encouraging emails, and friendly gestures. When one can also remain positive in a stressful situation, one can help others stay calm. It can also encourage further problem-solving and collaboration.

Thinking about how others might be feeling is an essential quality of emotional intelligence. It means you can empathize with feelings that one may not be feeling oneself and respond in a way that is respectful and relaxing to others.

Be open-minded

Emotionally intelligent people are comfortable to approach because they are good listeners and can consider and understand other viewpoints. They are also receptive to learning new things and embracing novel ideas.

Listen to feedback

It is essential to be the type of person who can hear feedback, whether it is positive on a recent presentation or more critical advice on how you should commission tasks more efficiently.

Being receptive to feedback means taking responsibility for one’s actions and being willing to improve how one communicates with others.

Stay calm under pressure

It is essential to approach stressful situations with a calm and positive attitude. Pressures can quickly escalate, primarily when people are operating under deadlines, so keeping steady and concentrating on finding a solution will help everyone complete their goals.

History of Emotional Intelligence

In the 1930s, psychologist Edward Thorndike explained the concept of “social intelligence” as the ability to get along with other individuals.

During the 1940s, psychologist David Wechsler suggested that different practical elements of intelligence could play a critical role in how successful people are in life.

In the 1950s, the school of thought was known as humanistic psychology, and scholars such as Abraham Maslow concentrated attention on how people could build emotional strength.

Another critical concept to arise in the development of emotional intelligence was the concept of multiple intelligences . This idea was put forth in the mid-1970s by Howard Gardner, presenting the idea that intelligence was more than just a single, broad capacity.

Emotional intelligence did not come into our vernacular until around 1990. The term “emotional intelligence” was first utilized in 1985 as it was presented in a doctoral dissertation by Wayne Payne.

In 1987, there was an article written by Keith Beasley and published in Mensa Magazine that used the term emotional quotient or EQ.

Then in 1990, psychologists John Mayer and Peter Salovey published their milestone article, Emotional Intelligence , in the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality .

They described emotional intelligence as the capability to monitor one’s and others’ feelings and emotions, discriminate among them, and use this knowledge to guide one’s thinking and actions.

Salovey and Mayer also initiated a research study to develop accurate measures of emotional intelligence and explore its significance. For example, they found in one investigation that when a group of people saw an upsetting film, those who ranked high on emotional clarity, or the ability to recognize and label a mood that is being experienced, recovered more quickly.

In a different study, people who scored higher in the ability to perceive accurately, understand and appraise others’ emotions were sufficiently capable of responding flexibly to changes in their social environments and building supportive social networks.

But despite it being a relatively new term, attraction to the concept has grown tremendously. In 1995, the concept of emotional intelligence was popularized after the publication of Daniel Goleman’s book  Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is emotional intelligence important in the workplace.

Researchers have indicated that emotional intelligence influences how excellently employees interact with their colleagues, and EI is also considered to play a role in how employees manage stress and conflict.

It also affects overall performance on the job. Other studies have connected emotional intelligence with job satisfaction.

Studies have shown that workers with higher scores on measures of EI also tend to be ranked higher on criteria of interpersonal functioning, leadership abilities, and stress management.

While standard intelligence was associated with leadership success, it alone was not enough. People who are prosperous at work are not just brilliant; they also have a high EI.

But emotional intelligence is not simply for CEOs and senior executives.

It is a quality that is essential at every level of a person’s career, from university students looking for internships to seasoned workers hoping to take on a leadership role.

Emotional intelligence is critical to success if one wants to succeed in the workplace and move up the career ladder.

Can emotional intelligence be taught?

As it turns out, the question whether emotional intelligence can be learned is not a straightforward one to answer.

Some psychologists and researchers claim that emotional intelligence is a skill that is not quickly learned or improved. Other psychologists and researchers, though, believe it can be improved with practice.

One key to improving EI is sustained practice – especially in high-stakes situations. Referring back to the above tips, one could read them and say those guidelines are pretty straightforward.

But, the challenging task is to do these practices in real-time and consistently. It takes practice to develop these skills. Then as you acquire them, you have to rehearse them under stress.

Can emotional intelligence be measured?

Several different assessments have arisen to gauge levels of emotional intelligence. These trials typically fall into one of two types: self-report tests and ability tests.

Self-report tests are the most abundant because they are the quickest to administer and score. Respondents respond to questions or statements on such tests by rating their behaviors.

For example, on a comment such as “I sense that I understand how others are feeling,” a test-taker might describe the statement as strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, or strongly disagree.

On the other hand, ability tests involve people responding to situations and assessing their skills. These tests often require people to demonstrate their abilities, which a third party rates.

If one is taking an emotional intelligence trial issued by a mental health professional, here are two measures that could be used: Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT) and the Emotional and Social Competency Inventory (ESCI).

What is the dark side of emotional intelligence?

The dark side of emotional intelligence is using one’s understanding of emotions manipulatively, to deceive, control, or exploit others.

High emotional intelligence can mask hidden agendas, enabling insincere charm or feigned empathy, potentially leading to deceitful or self-serving actions.

Boyatzis, R. E., & Goleman, D. (2011). Emotional and social competency inventory (ESCI): A user guide for accredited practitioners.  Retrieved December ,  17 , 2019.

Eurich, T. (2018). What self-awareness really is (and how to cultivate it).  Harvard Business Review , 1-9.

Gardner, H. E. (2000). Intelligence reframed: Multiple intelligences for the 21st century . Hachette UK.

Goleman, D. (1996).  Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ . Bloomsbury Publishing.

Mayer, J. D., Caruso, D. R., & Salovey, P. (1999). Emotional intelligence meets traditional standards for an intelligence.  Intelligence, 27 (4), 267-298.

Mayer, J. D., & Salovey, P. (1993). The intelligence of emotional intelligence.  Intelligence, 17 (4), 433-442.

Mayer, J. D., & Salovey, P. (2007).  Mayer-Salovery-Caruso emotional intelligence test . Toronto: Multi-Health Systems Incorporated.

Payne, W. L. (1985). A study of emotion: developing emotional intelligence; self-integration; relating to fear, pain and desire.

Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence .  Imagination, cognition and personality ,  9 (3), 185-211.

Thorndike, R. L., & Stein, S. (1937). An evaluation of the attempts to measure social intelligence.  Psychological Bulletin ,  34 (5), 275.

Wechsler, D., & Kodama, H. (1949).  Wechsler intelligence scale for children  (Vol. 1). New York: Psychological corporation.

21 Self-Regulation Examples

Self-regulation is the ability to control one’s emotions and behavior. That can include being able to control our thoughts, impulses , and even instinctual drives like our appetite and sexual urges.

When faced with a stressful situation, or one that could make us angry, some people are able to convert their initial reaction into a more constructive response. They can inhibit their impulse to react with the expression of strong emotion or engage in a negative action.

There are many examples of self-regulation in our daily lives. Not overeating even though we are looking at a delicious meal on the table is one. Forcing ourselves to hit the gym even though we feel tired is another. Not ramming our car into the person that just cut us off in traffic is one for sure.

Definition of Self-Regulation

Self-regulation can help us maintain our focus on a task, reach long-term goals , form healthy habits, and get along with others.

A scholarly definition of self-regulation is:

“The process by which a system [i.e. a person] uses information about its present state to change that state toward greater conformity with a desired end state or goal.” (McCullough & Carter, 2013)

There has been a tremendous amount of research on self-regulation. Research has shown how it can facilitate chronic pain management (Sauer et al., 2010), increase academic achievement (Kizilcec et al., 2017), and improve athletic performance (Toering et al., 2009).

Modern life is full of so many temptations. There are a lot of things out there that can distract us.

Developing self-regulation is important now more than ever. In fact, some of the most successful people are very good at self-regulation.

Examples of Self-Regulation

1. studying for exams.

Self-regulation is a necessity for successful students. When it comes to test time, most people feel anxiety, which can be a demotivating factor. This is normal and expected. What’s important is how you implement self-regulation activities to ensure you study regularly.

One way to self-regulate while studying is to create a study diary. This will mean you have clear and exact dates when you need to sit down to study, which can prevent procrastination.

Another great self-regulation method for students is the Pomodoro technique. This technique involves setting a timer for 25 minutes and working on one task until the timer goes off. Then you take a five-minute break. After four rounds of this, you take a longer break of 20 or 30 minutes. This technique can help you stay focused and prevent burnout.

2. Being Mindful

Mindfulness is about being present in the moment and observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This sounds easy, but it’s actually quite difficult to do.

When we are mindful, we are aware of our surroundings and our own inner state without getting lost in thought. We are able to be present in the moment and not get pulled into past memories or future worries.

Being mindful requires self-regulation because it is easy to get lost in our thoughts. We have to be aware of when our mind starts to wander and bring it back to the present moment.

One way to practice mindfulness is to focus on your breath. Breathe in and out slowly and pay attention to the sensations of your breath going in and out of your body. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath.

3. Holding your Tongue

Sometimes the best form of self-regulation is to keep your mouth shut. When we are angry or upset, it’s easy to say something we might later regret. If we can learn to control our words, we can avoid a lot of hurt feelings and conflict.

The next time you’re feeling angry or frustrated, try counting to 10 before you speak. This will give you a moment to calm down and think about what you want to say. Try to choose your words carefully and avoid saying anything that could be interpreted as an insult.

In these situations, it’s good to listen to your mother’s advice: “if you’ve got nothing good to say, don’t anything at all!” Similarly, I like the Stoic mantra: “Say less than is necessary.” This mantra means that you should be very conservative about what you say so you don’t say things you’ll regret!

4. Going to Bed

This is my cryptonite. I will sometimes stay awake very late because I’m terrible at self-regulating my sleep cycles. So, I have to learn to have the discipline to go to bed when it’s my bed time!

This is easier said than done, I know. But there are things you can do to make it easier on yourself.

First, try to avoid using screens (phones, laptops, etc.) for at least an hour before bedtime. The blue light from screens can disrupt our sleep cycles and make it harder to fall asleep.

Second, establish a bed-time routine and stick to it as much as possible. This could involve taking a warm bath, reading a book, or doing some light stretching.

Third, create a comfortable sleeping environment by ensuring your bedroom is dark, quiet, and cool. This will help your body to relax and prepare for sleep.

5. Not Throwing a Tantrum!

Children are terrible at self-regulation. They will cry and throw a tantrum if things don’t go their own way. As we become older, we learn to self-regulate so that we don’t appear strange. It’s against social norms to go around having tantrums as an adult!

Self-regulation is, therefore, one of the first skills we try to teach our children. Even when they’re toddlers and they don’t fully understand what is going on around them, we try to show them right from wrong and discourage tantrums.

As children get older, we move onto teaching our children the virtues of persistence, resilience, and self-control . By the time they’re in their late teens, hopefully most tantrums have disappeared, and our children learn that it’s not okay to lash out when we haven’t gotten our way.

6. Regulating your Tone and Volume of Voice

Some people don’t seem to be able to keep their voice volume low. I have a friend who talks REALLY loud whenever she is telling a story and she says she doesn’t even realize it!

But regulating the volume of our voice is just as important as the words we use. If we’re shouting, it puts people on edge and makes them less likely to listen to what we’re saying. Other people may just find it annoying and uncomfortable.

Similarly, regulating our tone of voice is equally important. Even when you’re angry, keeping a calm tone of voice can make a big difference in how people perceive you and whether they’re willing to listen to what you have to say.

7. Personal Hygiene

Keeping yourself clean and well-groomed is a form of self-regulation that’s necessary for both our health and social participation. It’s important to shower regularly, brush your teeth, and wear clean clothes, so we don’t get sick or smelly!

Personal hygiene also extends to our homes and workplaces. It’s important to keep these spaces clean and organized so that we can feel relaxed and comfortable in them.

We learn personal hygiene from our parents. In childhood, they teach use how to take care of ourselves and our bodies. We’re taught to clean our teeth before jumping into bed and clip our toenails when they get long. As we get older, we learn how to take care of our homes and work spaces.

8. Cleaning up After Yourself

Another way we teach our children self-regulation is by telling them they need to put one set of toys away before they get the next set out. By being persistent about this, we’re teaching our children to care for and respect their environment.

As we enter adulthood, we learn that it’s important to clean up after ourselves, both at home, in public, and in the workplace.

This helps us to keep the environment clean, prevent hygiene issues, and prevent clutter that can cause us to trip on things or even lose important valuables. We also learn that it’s important to respect other people’s property and not to leave a mess for them to deal with because that’s, simply, rude!

9. Self-Regulated Learning

By the time we reach university, the majority of our learning is self-regulated. We may attend lectures and seminars, but during the week we need to study the learning materials ourselves.

Therefore, many high school teachers try to teach and encourage self-regulated learning for students. It’s an important university-readiness skill.

There are a few things we can do to help us with self-regulated learning. First, we need to have a clear goal that we’re working towards. This could be getting good grades, passing an exam, or completing a project. Second, we need to break down this goal into smaller, more manageable tasks.

For example, if our goal is to write an essay, we need to break it down into smaller tasks such as brainstorming ideas, doing research, writing a draft, editing, and proofreading. Third, we need to create a timeline for completing these tasks so that we don’t leave everything to the last minute.

And fourth, we need to create a study plan and stick to it!

I also find giving students freedom of choice and control over their work motivates them to be self-regulated.

10. Being Punctual

One of the most important things we learn as we become more self-regulated is how important it is to be punctual. This means arriving on time or early for appointments, meetings, and events.

Being punctual is a sign of respect. It shows that we value other people’s time and that we’re organized and capable of planning ahead.

Personally, I struggle with punctuality. I haven’t mastered the ability to regulate my own time. I need to more effectively predict how much time I need to get ready and travel to the next appointment I have.

I’ve been working on the mantra: “If you’re not early, you’re late!” This makes me aim to be a little early to everything, so at worst, I’ll turn up on time!

11. Knowing Your “Hot-Button” Issues

Self-regulation is a lot about self-awareness. When a person knows what their “hot-button” issues are then they can do a lot to control their emotional reactions in those situations.

For example, if there is one person that seems to always disagree with you at meetings, then you can take steps to help regulate your response. Preparing yourself mentally before the meeting can help mute your initial impulse when they start to disagree. Their words will be less impactful because they have been anticipated.

If you are someone that knows yourself well, what you like and what really gets on your nerves, then you are a living example of self-regulation.

12. When You Don’t Send that Email, Yet

The invention of the internet has been a great thing for work. It makes researching any topic super easy and makes it possible to find information on just about anything in just a matter of seconds.

It has also made communication very convenient. Maybe a little too convenient. An email can be written and delivered to the entire office in minutes. Unfortunately, that is not always a good thing. Emails can be written in the heat of the moment, and that can mean trouble later.

Practicing the habit of not sending an email right away that involves a dispute is an example of self-regulation that can be good for your career.  

13. Exercising on a Regular Basis

Being diligent and keeping a firm schedule at the gym is a perfect example of persistent self-regulation. Some people just seem to be very self-disciplined . They hit the gym three times a week, no matter what. You will see them at every Zumba class, in full gear and ready to go.

Others, however, may be a bit less consistent. They can always find a good reason to skip a workout that day: feeling too tired, have a sore shoulder from the last workout, or really need to get those emails sent by the end of the night. One excuse may be as good as another, but they are all examples of low self-regulation.

14. Avoiding the Fast-food Drive Thru

If you are able to drive right past the golden arches when you are in a hurry and super hungry, then congratulations, you have just demonstrated self-regulation.  

It can be a real challenge. It is just so convenient to take a quick turn into the parking lot, place an order in the drive-thru, and then be on the way. The temptation is hard to resist. Hunger is a hard feeling to ignore and meeting a client on an empty stomach is never a good idea.

This can be avoided by planning your meals well or keeping a healthy snack in the glove-box. Protein bars can be very filling and nutritious as well.

15. Avoiding Social Media

Although the smartphone has been one of the world’s most remarkable gadgets, it has also facilitated one of the world’s easiest ways to be lazy. It is just too easy to lay down and watch a few short videos, or maybe a few dozen.

Before you know it, two hours have passed. In the meantime, that essay you need to start writing still awaits the first sentence typed and the gym has already closed for the day. Oh, and your laundry is not going to put itself in the washing machine.

Being able to keep yourself on-task and resist the temptations of social media is another example of excellent self-regulation.

16. Practicing Meditation

Meditation is a great example of self-regulation. By making a conscious decision to slow your breathing, you are exerting direct control over your respiratory system. Some forms of meditation also involve focusing your attention on a specific mantra or a visualized object.

Not only is meditation an example of self-regulation, but it is also an exercise that will improve your ability to self-regulate. It can increase your awareness of inner feelings and thoughts, which will then in turn, increases your chances of being able to control those feelings and thoughts.

Many of us have days that are filled with tasks and stress. Our To-Do lists can dominate our lives and be a constant reminder of work. Even though we might not feel like we have time to take 20-minutes out of the day to sit and breath slowly, it is an excellent way to instill calm and control anxiety.   

17. Not Hitting the Snooze Button  

This may be the best example of extreme self-regulation of all on our list. After sleeping for not enough hours to begin with, when that alarm goes off far too early in the morning, the temptation to just tap that snooze button is all too strong.

It takes a lot of discipline to resist not sleeping just a little bit longer. Controlling the urge to go back to sleep is a true exercise in self-regulation.

Fortunately, this kind of self-regulation will be good for our career. Getting to work on time is a big deal in a lot of workplace cultures.  

18. Engaging in Positive Self-Talk

One facet of self-regulation is psychological. That can be both emotional and cognitive. For example, when encountering a stressful experience, it can be useful to use positive statements to help calm yourself down.

Likewise, when you feel like quitting something, using positive self-talk can help us push forward.

For example, exercising can be particularly difficult to get through. It is easy to quit or take a break when feeling exhausted. Statements such as “keep going” and “you can do it” can help you get through those moments when it seems that you just can’t go any further.

If you don’t have a personal trainer or coach, relying on yourself will have to do. Using self-talk is a great self-regulation technique to persevere.

19. Practicing Hara Hachi Bu  

The Japanese have a practice of eating until they feel about 80% full. Then they stop. This helps them avoid overeating. There is no need to count calories and deal with all that anxiety.

It starts with not putting so much on your plate to begin with and trying to estimate what you need, realistically. So, you have to exert a little self-regulation at this point. Then, while you are eating, the goal is to only eat until you no longer feel hungry, but not yet full. This requires having an acute awareness of your hunger state and stopping just a little bit shy of being totally satisfied.

It is hard to do for sure, but the benefits are very healthy. Overeating can lead to a lot of unhealthy outcomes, but the Japanese have one of the lowest rates of heart disease in the world.

20. Taking a Much-Needed Vacation

Everyone needs a break. In some countries employees are required to work 50-weeks a year. But then, when it is time to take a vacation, they work some more. This is a perfect example of a double-sided self-regulation trap.

On the one hand, being so disciplined about work that you forgo vacation time can be good for one’s career. On the other hand, not being self-aware enough to recognize the need for down-time is bad for one’s mental health. All work and no play makes for a burnout victim waiting to happen.

In Japan, some people even work themselves to death. It happens so frequently that the Japanese even have a term for it, it’s called karoshi.  

21. Having Great Self-Awareness

Becoming more aware of our internal emotional states is a key step in regulating our reactions. This self-awareness can grow over time as we practice becoming more in tune with our inner state.

This starts with developing an emotional vocabulary. In addition to the basic words for emotions such as angry or sad, we can create our own lexicon for our feelings. This will make the labels have more meaning to us and our unique selves. Using terminology that has personal meaning can increase effectiveness of a task or accomplishing a goal (Miller & Brickman, 2004).

Having self-awareness is a component of self-regulation that will help us control our impulses. When we are on the verge of losing it with an annoying colleague or reaching for a third serving of dessert, a little self-regulation can go a long way.

Go Deeper: Self-Awareness Examples

What is Self-Regulated Learning?

Self-Regulated learning is a specific type of self-regulation that is applied in educational contexts. It involves giving learners responsibility for their own learning in order to encourage personal agency and accountability.

We generally begin to encourage self-regulated learning from about the age of 8-10. During this time, we encourage students to take more control of their own learning in order to promote hidden curriculum soft skills such as self-regulation , personal accountability, and positive self-esteem.

According to Zimmerman and Schunk (2011), self-regulation is a three-step process:

• Planning: In the planning stage, students make decisions about their learning in order to regulate it. For example, in the planning stage they may choose that their project will involve oral rather than written presentation in order to improve their public speaking skills.
• Monitoring: As students go through the learning process, they monitor their progress. This ongoing self-assessment . They are encourage to make regular changes to their work in order to stay on track and react to new and emerging challenges.
• Reflection: Students engage in self-reflection in order to see how well they went at self-regulation. Through the process of reflection, they come up with new strategies for self-regulation in future tasks.

Self-regulation is a valuable skill in modern times. Developing an awareness of our inner feelings will help us recognize anxiety before it gets out of control; not be impulsive and send those email rants to our boss; and keep those hot-button issues in check.

With the temptations we encounter so often, self-regulation can also help us avoid wasting time on social media; talk ourselves in to not quitting when we feel exhausted from exercise; and not taking the “easy-way-out drive-thru” when we feel starved.

Self-regulation is one of the most essential skills a person can develop to achieve success, whether in life or profession.

Kabat-Zinn, J., Lipworth, L., & Burney, R. (1985). The clinical use of mindfulness meditation for the self-regulation of chronic pain. Journal of Behavioral Medicine , 8 (2), 163-190. Doi: https://doi.org/10.1007/bf00845519

Kizilcec, R. F., Pérez-Sanagustín, M., & Maldonado, J. J. (2017). Self-regulated learning strategies predict learner behavior and goal attainment in Massive Open Online Courses. Computers & Education , 104 , 18-33. Doi: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.compedu.2016.10.001

Miller, R. B., & Brickman, S. J. (2004). A model of future-oriented motivation and self-regulation. Educational Psychology Review , 16 (1), 9-33. Doi: https://doi.org/10.1023/B:EDPR.0000012343.96370.39

Panadero, E. (2017). A review of self-regulated learning: Six models and four directions for research. Frontiers in Psychology, 8 , 422. Doi: https://doi.org/10.3389%2Ffpsyg.2017.00422

Sauer, S., Burris, J., and Carlson, C. (2010). New directions in the management of chronic pain: Self-regulation theory as a model for integrative clinical psychology practice. Clinical Psychology Review, 30 , 805-14. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2010.06.008

Toering, T., Elferink-Gemser, M., Jordet, G. and Visscher, C. (2009). Self-regulation and performance level of elite and non-elite youth soccer players. Journal of Sports Sciences, 27 , 1509-17. https://doi.org/10.1080/02640410903369919

Vohs, K. D., & Baumeister, R. F. (2004). Understanding self-regulation. Handbook of Self-regulation , 19 .

Zimmerman B. J., Schunk D. H. (2011).  Handbook of Self-Regulation of Learning and Performance.  New York, NY: Routledge. 

Dave Cornell (PhD)

Dr. Cornell has worked in education for more than 20 years. His work has involved designing teacher certification for Trinity College in London and in-service training for state governments in the United States. He has trained kindergarten teachers in 8 countries and helped businessmen and women open baby centers and kindergartens in 3 countries.

• Dave Cornell (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/dave-cornell-phd/ 25 Positive Punishment Examples
• Dave Cornell (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/dave-cornell-phd/ 25 Dissociation Examples (Psychology)
• Dave Cornell (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/dave-cornell-phd/ 15 Zone of Proximal Development Examples
• Dave Cornell (PhD) https://helpfulprofessor.com/author/dave-cornell-phd/ Perception Checking: 15 Examples and Definition

Chris Drew (PhD)

This article was peer-reviewed and edited by Chris Drew (PhD). The review process on Helpful Professor involves having a PhD level expert fact check, edit, and contribute to articles. Reviewers ensure all content reflects expert academic consensus and is backed up with reference to academic studies. Dr. Drew has published over 20 academic articles in scholarly journals. He is the former editor of the Journal of Learning Development in Higher Education and holds a PhD in Education from ACU.

• Chris Drew (PhD) #molongui-disabled-link 25 Positive Punishment Examples
• Chris Drew (PhD) #molongui-disabled-link 25 Dissociation Examples (Psychology)
• Chris Drew (PhD) #molongui-disabled-link 15 Zone of Proximal Development Examples
• Chris Drew (PhD) #molongui-disabled-link Perception Checking: 15 Examples and Definition

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Faculty as Agents of Change

What is self-regulated learning.

What Tina doesn't realize is that not all forms of studying are equal. For students like Tina, learning to direct time and energy to the most productive ways of studying and learning will result in a more effective and rewarding learning experience, which in turn can boost self-efficacy and motivation. The key, particularly for first-generation students and those who do not come from a background of academic rigor, is to learn how to reflect on one's own process of learning. It's not something that comes naturally to most students, and that is where the right teacher can literally change the course of a student's life.

× div[id^='image-'] {position:static}div[id^='image-'] div.hover{position:static} The Cycle of Self-Regulated Learning

Self-regulated learning is a cyclical process, wherein the student plans for a task, monitors their performance, and then reflects on the outcome. The cycle then repeats as the student uses the reflection to adjust and prepare for the next task. The process is not one-size-fits-all; it should be tailored for individual students and for specific learning tasks (Zimmerman, 2002).

The figure to the right illustrates the key steps of the process. These steps are performed by the student, but instructors play a vital role in guiding and coaching students through each step. The bullet points below provide additional information, and are drawn from Zimmerman (2002) and Zumbrunn et al. (2011).

× div[id^='image-'] {position:static}div[id^='image-'] div.hover{position:static} 1. Plan, set goals, and lay out strategies

This first step of the cycle may be overlooked by many students as they dive headlong into a task. Encouraging students to establish a plan before they start working on a task will help them strategize right from the start. Although students may see this as taking a step backward, it will ultimately help them be more efficient with their time and effort.

Guide students though this process by helping them ask themselves the following questions:

• Analyze the learning task. Is this a task I've done before or something new? Does it build off of a task I've done before? How much time will it take? How much focus will I need?
• Set goals. How will I structure this task? What are the intermediate checkpoints and sub-goals? Can I complete an outline with two weeks to go, and then a rough draft one week prior to the due date? That would allow time to get extra help as needed.
• Plan strategies. Will I need resources from the library, a color printer, help from my lab partners, or an appointment for office hours? Given my needs, when should I get started on this task?
• Set expectations for the outcome. Given how much time I have available, my strengths and weaknesses, and my current standing in the course, what type of outcome would I like? Do I need to "ace" this, or is it OK if I can just complete it successfully?
• When students are new to a task, help them map out the most effective strategies to match the goal.
• Set intermediate, shorter term goals along the pathway toward a larger goal.
• As students gain proficiency, allow them to plan for themselves.

× div[id^='image-'] {position:static}div[id^='image-'] div.hover{position:static} 2. Use strategies and monitor performance

In this phase, students carry out the plan that was outlined in the forethought phase. Ideally, students can proceed with confidence because they have already established a detailed plan of action.

Here are some key points you can use to coach students through this phase.

• Use self-observation to reflect on the actions taken by the student and the effectiveness of the results.
• For example, when I studied in a quiet location in the library, I completed the reading more quickly than when I read at home.
• Because things don't always go smoothly, have students make a plan for what to do when obstacles arise (Flanagan, 2014).
• For example, if I get stuck on the math in this assignment, I will go to the TA's weekly help session.
• Prompt students to stick with the strategies , even though it may be tempting to revert back to known (but ineffective) strategies. Unfamiliar approaches may feel inefficient at first, but learning the method can be as important as learning the material.
• Have the students monitor their progress on the intermediate goals, and the strategies they are using. At the same time, you can also monitor their progress and offer feedback (see structuring feedback for self-regulated learning ).

× div[id^='image-'] {position:static}div[id^='image-'] div.hover{position:static} 3. Reflect on performance

Many students focus solely on the extrinsic outcome of their grade. While grades are important, you can help students reflect on how they think they did on a particular assignment, and why. This self-reflection can help them understand why they earned a certain grade and how to improve their performance. Activities like an exam wrapper can solidify this process.

• Ask students to evaluate their own performance and their results. Students should compare their performance to their original goal, rather than comparing themselves to others.
• Reflect on the effectiveness of strategies used. Did they select an appropriate strategy? Did they follow through with the selected strategy?
• Encourage students to attribute poor outcomes to the effort made and/or the strategy used. Students should be coached to not attribute failure to lack of ability.
• Help students manage their emotions, and in time, direct them toward productive lines of thinking about how they can improve their performance. Even if their outcome is not what they had hoped, they can still learn from the experience.
• A key part of this process is that students use this reflection to plan for the next task. How will they adapt their planning, strategy, time management, and self-monitoring?

Flanagan, L., "Why Understanding Obstacles is Essential to Achieving Goals" MindShift, KQED News, (December 2014) Accessed online at http://ww2.kqed.org/mindshift/2014/12/26/why-understanding-obstacles-is-essential-to-achieving-goals/ . Zimmerman, B. J. (2002). Becoming a self-regulated learner: An overview. Theory into Practice , 41(2), 64-70. Zumbrunn, S., Tadlock, J., & Roberts, E. D. (2011). Encouraging self-regulated learning in the classroom: A review of the literature. Metropolitan Educational Research Consortium (MERC). See the complete list of all references used in this module.

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Self Efficacy and Why Believing in Yourself Matters

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

• Significance
• Development
• How to Improve

Self-efficacy is a person's belief in their ability to complete a task or achieve a goal. It encompasses a person's confidence in themselves to control their behavior, exert an influence over their environment, and stay motivated in the pursuit of their goal. People can have self-efficacy in different situations and domains, such as school, work, relationships, and other important areas.

When facing a challenge, do you feel like you can rise up and accomplish your goal, or do you give up in defeat? Are you like the little train engine from the classic children's book ("I think I can, I think I can!"), or do you doubt your own abilities to rise up and overcome the difficulties that life throws your way? If you tend to keep going in the face of obstacles, you probably have a high degree of self-efficacy.

Self-efficacy is important because it plays a role in how you feel about yourself and whether or not you successfully achieve your goals in life. The concept of self-efficacy is central to Albert Bandura’s  social cognitive theory , which emphasizes the role of  observational learning , social experience, and  reciprocal determinism  in personality development.

According to Bandura, self-efficacy is part of the self-system comprised of a person’s attitudes, abilities, and cognitive skills. This system plays a major role in how we perceive and respond to different situations. Self-efficacy is an essential part of this self-system.

Self-Efficacy Basics

According to  Albert Bandura , self-efficacy is "the belief in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to manage prospective situations." Self-efficacy is a person’s belief in their ability to succeed in a particular situation. Such beliefs play a role in determining how people think, behave, and feel.

Since Bandura published his seminal 1977 paper, "Self-Efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change," the subject has become one of the most studied topics in psychology. Why has self-efficacy become such an important topic among psychologists and educators?

As Bandura and other researchers have demonstrated, self-efficacy can impact everything from psychological states to behavior to motivation. Self-efficacy determines what goals we pursue, how we accomplish those goals, and how we reflect upon our own performance.

Our belief in our own ability to succeed plays a role in how we think, how we act, and how we feel about our place in the world.

The Role of Self-Efficacy

Virtually all people can identify goals they want to accomplish, things they would like to  change , and things they would like to achieve. However, most people also realize that putting these plans into action is not quite so simple. Bandura and others have found that an individual’s self-efficacy plays a major role in how goals, tasks, and challenges are approached.

Having high self-efficacy is a good thing. People with a strong sense of self-efficacy:

• Develop a deeper interest in the activities in which they participate
• Form a stronger sense of commitment to their interests and activities
• Recover quickly from setbacks and disappointments
• View challenging problems as tasks to be mastered

Poor self-efficacy, on the other hand, can have a number of detrimental effects. People with a weak sense of self-efficacy:

• Avoid challenging tasks
• Believe that difficult tasks and situations are beyond their capabilities
• Focus on personal failings and negative outcomes
• Quickly lose confidence in personal abilities

Self-Efficacy vs. Self-Esteem vs. Self-Confidence

Self-efficacy is sometimes confused with self-esteem , but there are important distinctions between the two. What is the difference between self-efficacy and self-esteem? Self-efficacy refers to how you feel about your ability to succeed in different situations, while self-esteem refers to your respect for your own value and worth.

Is self-efficacy the same as self-confidence? While the two terms are related, there are some important distinctions. Self-confidence is more general and refers to a person's overall belief in themselves in all contexts. Self-efficacy, on the other hand, is more specific and context-dependent. A person can have high self-efficacy in one area (such as in academics) and low self-efficacy in other areas (such as in sports).

Research suggests that self-efficacy predicts self-esteem. In other words, people with high self-efficacy also tend to have high self-esteem and vice versa.

How Does Self-Efficacy Develop?

We begin to form our sense of self-efficacy in early childhood by dealing with various experiences, tasks, and situations. However, the growth of self-efficacy does not end during youth but continues to evolve throughout life as people acquire new skills, experiences, and understanding.

What are the four types of self-efficacy?

Bandura identified four major sources of self-efficacy. The four ways that self-efficacy is achieved are mastery experiences, social modeling, social persuasion, and psychological responses.

Mastery Experiences

"The most effective way of developing a strong sense of efficacy is through mastery experiences," Bandura explained. Performing a task successfully strengthens our sense of self-efficacy. However, failing to adequately deal with a task or challenge can undermine and weaken self-efficacy.  

Social Modeling

Witnessing other people successfully completing a task is another important source of self-efficacy.   According to Bandura, "Seeing people similar to oneself succeed by sustained effort raises observers' beliefs that they too possess the capabilities to master comparable activities to succeed."

Social Persuasion

Bandura also asserted that people could be persuaded to believe that they have the skills and capabilities to succeed. Consider a time when someone said something positive and encouraging that helped you achieve a goal. Getting verbal encouragement from others helps people overcome self-doubt and instead focus on giving their best effort to the task at hand.  

Psychological Responses

Our own responses and emotional reactions to situations also play an important role in self-efficacy. Moods,  emotional states , physical reactions, and stress levels can all impact how a person feels about their personal abilities in a particular situation. A person who becomes extremely nervous before speaking in public may develop a weak sense of self-efficacy in these situations.  

However, Bandura also notes "it is not the sheer intensity of emotional and physical reactions that is important but rather how they are perceived and interpreted."  

By learning how to minimize stress and elevate mood when facing difficult or challenging tasks, people can improve their sense of self-efficacy.

Examples of High Self-Efficacy

So what exactly does high self-efficacy look like? You can probably think of some examples from your own life including areas where you feel a great deal of efficacy. People may possess a general sense of self-efficacy or in a specific domain where they believe they can do well such as school, work, friendships, parenting, sports, hobbies, and other areas.

Some examples of strong self-efficacy include:

• A person struggling to manage a chronic illness feels confident that they can get back on track and improve their health by working hard and following their doctor's recommendations.
• A student who feels confident that they will be able to learn the information and do well on a test.
• Someone who has just accepted a job position in a role they have never performed before but feels that they have the ability to learn and perform the job well.

Self-efficacy can play an important role in health psychology and how people manage their health, nutrition, and illness. For example, having a strong sense of self-efficacy can help people who are trying to quit smoking stick to their goals.

Maintaining a weight loss plan, managing chronic pain, giving up alcohol, sticking to an exercise schedule, and following an eating plan can all be influenced by a person's levels of self-efficacy.

Research has also shown that when teachers have high self-efficacy, it has a positive impact on academic outcomes, including student motivation and achievement.

Bandura suggests that self-efficacy can benefit a person's sense of well-being in a number of ways. For instance, they remain optimistic and confident in their abilities, even when things become difficult.

Because individuals with high self-efficacy look at difficulties as challenges rather than threats, they tend to be more intrinsically interested in the tasks they pursue. Difficulty and failure don't mean defeat; instead, these individuals redouble their efforts and look for new ways to overcome.

Issues With Low Self-Efficacy

People who are low in self-efficacy tend to see difficult tasks as threats they should avoid. Because of this, they also tend to avoid setting goals and have low levels of commitment to the ones they do make.

When setbacks happen, they tend to give up quickly. Because they don't have much confidence in their ability to achieve, they are more likely to experience feelings of failure and depression. Stressful situations can also be very hard to deal with and those with low self-efficacy are less resilient and less likely to bounce back.

Learned helplessness is the opposite of self-efficacy. It can occur when people feel they have no power to control what happens in a situation. Instead of looking for opportunities to change the outcome, they give up and behave passively.

Evaluating Self-Efficacy Strength

For a quick, informal assessment of your own self-efficacy levels, consider the following questions:

• Do you feel like you can handle problems if you are willing to work hard?
• Are you confident in your ability to achieve your goals?
• Do you feel like you can manage unexpected events that come up?
• Are you able to bounce back fairly quickly after stressful events?
• Do you feel like you can come up with solutions when you are facing a problem?
• Do you keep trying even when things seem difficult?
• Are you good at staying calm even in the face of chaos?
• Do you perform well even under pressure?
• Do you tend to focus on your progress rather than getting overwhelmed by all you still have to do?
• Do you believe that hard work will eventually pay off?

If you can answer yes to many or most of these questions, then chances are good that you have a fairly strong sense of self-efficacy. If you feel like your self-efficacy could use a boost, consider some of the following strategies for improving your sense of efficacy.

Building Self-Efficacy

Fortunately, self-efficacy is a psychological skill that you can foster and strengthen. Start by looking for ways to incorporate Bandura's sources of self-efficacy into your own life. Some ways that self-efficacy can be achieved include acknowledging your success, observing your mentors, getting positive feedback, and practicing positive self-talk.

Celebrate Your Success

Mastery experiences play a critical role in the establishment of self-efficacy. Bandura actually identified this as the single most effective way to create a strong sense of self-belief.

When you succeed at something, you are able to build a powerful belief in your ability. Failure, on the other hand, can undermine these feelings, particularly if you are still in the early phases of building a sense of personal efficacy.  

The ideal sorts of successes, however, are not necessarily those that come easily. If you experience a lot of easy success, you may find yourself giving up more readily when you finally do encounter failure. So work on setting goals that are achievable, but not necessarily easy. They will take work and perseverance, but you will emerge with a stronger belief in your own abilities once you achieve them.

Observe Others

Bandura also identified vicarious experiences obtained through peer modeling as another important means of establishing and strengthening self-efficacy. Seeing others putting in effort and succeeding, as a result, can increase your belief in your own ability to succeed.

One factor that plays a key role in the effectiveness of this approach is how similar the model is to yourself. The more alike you feel you are, the more likely it is that your observations will increase your sense of self-efficacy.  

Seek Positive Affirmations

Hearing positive feedback from others can also help improve your sense of self-efficacy. By that same token, try to avoid asking for feedback from people who you know are more likely to have a negative or critical view of your performance.

For example, your doctor telling you that you are doing a good job sticking to your diet plan can be encouraging. Feedback from friends, mentors, health practitioners, and people who you respect can help you feel greater confidence in your own abilities.

Positive social feedback can be helpful for strengthening your already existing sense of efficacy, but negative comments can often have a powerful undermining effect. Bandura suggested that social feedback alone is not enough to build your self-belief, but it can be a useful tool when you need a little extra encouragement.  

Pay Attention to Your Thoughts and Emotions

If you find yourself getting stressed out or nervous before a challenging event, you might feel less sure of your ability to cope with the task at hand.

Another way to boost your self-efficacy is to look for ways to manage your thoughts and emotions about what you are trying to accomplish.

Do you feel anxious? Looking for ways to ease your stress levels can help you feel more confident in your capabilities. Do you find yourself dwelling on negative thoughts? Look for ways to replace negativity with positive self-talk that promotes self-belief.

Get Advice From The Verywell Mind Podcast

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares strategies that can help you learn to truly believe in yourself, featuring IT Cosmetics founder Jamie Kern Lima.

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There are a number of different scales that are used to evaluate levels of self-efficacy including the General Self-Efficacy Scale (GSE) and the Self-Efficacy Questionnaire.

Developing a strong sense of self-efficacy can play an important role in almost every aspect of your life. Life is full of challenges and high levels of self-efficacy can help you better deal with these difficulties more effectively. Your belief in your abilities can predict how motivated you feel, how you feel about yourself, and the amount of effort you put into achieving your goals.

Bandura A. Self-Efficacy in Changing Societies . Cambridge University Press.

Bandura A. Self-efficacy: Toward a unifying theory of behavioral change .  Psychol Rev . 1977;84(2):191-215. doi:10.1037/0033-295x.84.2.191

Hajloo N. Relationships between self-efficacy, self-esteem and procrastination in undergraduate psychology students . Iran J Psychiatry Behav Sci . 2014;8(3):42-9. PMID: 25780374; PMCID: PMC4359724.

Barni D, Danioni F, Benevene P. Teachers' self-efficacy: The role of personal values and motivations for teaching . Front Psychol . 2019;10:1645. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01645

Maier SF, Seligman ME.  Learned helplessness at fifty: Insights from neuroscience .  Psychol Rev . 2016;123(4):349-367. doi:10.1037/rev0000033

Romppel M, Herrmann-Lingen C, Wachter R, et al. A short form of the General Self-Efficacy Scale (GSE-6): Development, psychometric properties and validity in an intercultural non-clinical sample and a sample of patients at risk for heart failure . Psychosoc Med . 2013;10:Doc01. doi:10.3205/psm000091

Tod D, Hardy J, Oliver E. Effects of self-talk: A systematic review . J Sport Exerc Psychol . 2011;33(5):666-87.

Bandura A. Exercise of personal agency through the self-efficacy mechanisms. In: Schwarzer R, ed. Self-efficacy: Thought Control of Action.  Hemisphere: Taylor & Francis.

Bandura A. Self-efficacy. In: Ramachaudran VS, ed. Encyclopedia of Human Behavior , 4. Academic Press.

Turk DC. Psychological aspects of chronic pain. In: Benzon HT, Rathmell JP, Wu CL, et al., eds. Practical Management of Pain (Fifth Edition) . Elsevier.

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

What Is Self-Awareness? (+5 Ways to Be More Self-Aware)

While it may not be possible to attain total objectivity about oneself (that’s a debate that has continued to rage throughout the history of philosophy), there are certainly degrees of self-awareness. It exists on a spectrum.

Although everyone has a fundamental idea of what self-awareness is, we don’t know exactly where it comes from, what its precursors are, or why some of us seem to have more or less than others.

This is where the self-awareness theory comes in, offering some potential answers to questions like these.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you increase the compassion and kindness you show yourself but will also give you the tools to help your clients, students, or employees show more compassion to themselves.

This Article Contains:

What is self-awareness theory, research on the topic, 4 proven benefits of self-awareness, 3 examples of self-awareness skills, 5 ways to increase your self-awareness, importance in counseling and coaching, meditation, mindfulness, and self-awareness, self-awareness & emotional intelligence, 4 tips for improving self-awareness in relationships, role in the workplace and leadership, self-awareness in students and children, a take-home message.

Self-awareness theory is based on the idea that you are not your thoughts, but the entity observing your thoughts; you are the thinker, separate and apart from your thoughts (Duval & Wicklund, 1972).

We can go about our day without giving our inner self any extra thought, merely thinking and feeling and acting as we will; however, we also can focus our attention on that inner self, an ability that Duval and Wicklund (1972) termed “self-evaluation.”

When we engage in self-evaluation, we can give some thought to whether we are thinking and feeling and acting as we “should” or following our standards and values. This is referred to as comparing against our standards of correctness. We do this daily, using these standards as a way to judge the rightness of our thoughts and behaviors.

Using these standards is a major component of practicing self-control, as we evaluate and determine whether we are making the right choices to achieve our goals.

This theory has been around for several decades, giving researchers plenty of time to test its soundness. The depth of knowledge on self-awareness, its correlates, and its benefits can provide us with a healthy foundation for enhancing self-awareness in ourselves and others.

According to the theory, there are two primary outcomes of comparing ourselves against our standards of correctness:

• We “pass,” or find alignment between ourselves and our standards.
• We “fail,” or find a discrepancy between ourselves and our standards (Silvia & Duval, 2001).

When we find a discrepancy between the two, we find ourselves with two choices: to work toward reducing the discrepancy or avoid it entirely.

Self-awareness theory (and subsequent research) suggests that there are a couple of different factors that influence how we choose to respond. Basically, it comes down to how we think it will turn out. If we believe there’s little chance of actually changing this discrepancy, we tend to avoid it. If we believe it’s likely that we can improve our alignment with our standards of correctness, we take action.

Our actions will also depend on how much time and effort we believe that realignment will take; the slower progress will be, the less likely we are to take on the realignment efforts, especially if the perceived discrepancy between ourselves and our standards is large (Silvia & Duval, 2001).

Essentially, this means that when faced with a significant discrepancy that will take a lot of consistent and focused work, we often simply don’t bother and stick to avoiding self-evaluation on this particular discrepancy.

Further, our level of self-awareness interacts with the likelihood of success in realigning ourselves and our standards to determine how we think about the outcome. When we are self-aware and believe there is a high chance of success, we are generally quick to attribute that success or failure to our efforts.

Conversely, when we are self-aware but believe there is a low chance of success, we tend to think that the outcome is more influenced by external factors than our efforts (Silvia & Duval, 2001). Of course, sometimes our success in realignment with our standards is driven in part by external factors, but we always have a role to play in our successes and failures.

Interestingly, we also have some control over our standards, such that we may alter our standards if we find that we don’t measure up to them (Dana, Lalwani, & Duval, 1997).

This is more likely to happen if we’re focused more on the standards than on ourselves; if we fail when we are focused on the standards more than our performance, we are more likely to blame the standards and alter them to fit our performance (Dana et al., 1997).

Although it may sound like merely shifting the blame to standards and, therefore, letting yourself off the hook for a real discrepancy, there are many situations in which the standards are overly strict. Therapists’ offices are filled with people who hold themselves to impossibly high standards, effectively giving themselves no chance of success when comparing themselves to their internal standards.

It’s clear from the research on self-awareness that it is an important factor in how we think, feel, act, and react to our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Self Awareness – TalentSprout

Now, let’s shift our attention to research on the outcomes of being self-aware.

As you might imagine, there are many benefits to practicing self-awareness :

• It can make us more proactive, boost our acceptance, and encourage positive self-development (Sutton, 2016).
• Self-awareness allows us to see things from the perspective of others, practice self-control , work creatively and productively, and experience pride in ourselves and our work as well as general self-esteem (Silvia & O’Brien, 2004).
• It leads to better decision making (Ridley, Schutz, Glanz, & Weinstein, 1992).
• It can make us better at our jobs, better communicators in the workplace, and enhance our self-confidence and job-related wellbeing (Sutton, Williams, & Allinson, 2015).

Download 3 Free Self-Compassion Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you to help others create a kinder and more nurturing relationship with themselves.

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So we know that self-awareness is good, but what does it look like? How does one practice self-awareness?

Below are three examples of someone practicing self-awareness skills:

Bob at work

Bob struggles with creating a quarterly report at work, and he frequently produces subpar results. He notices the discrepancy between his standards and performance and engages in self-evaluation to determine where it comes from and how to improve.

He asks himself what makes the task so hard for him, and he realizes that he never seems to have trouble doing the work that goes into the report, but rather, writing it up cohesively and clearly.

Bob decides to fix the discrepancy by taking a course to improve his writing ability, having a colleague review his report before submitting it, and creating a reusable template for future reports so he is sure to include all relevant information.

Monique at home

Monique is having relationship problems with her boyfriend, Luis. She thinks Luis takes her for granted and doesn’t tell her he loves her or share affection enough. They fight about this frequently.

Suddenly, she realizes that she may be contributing to the problem. She looks inward and sees that she doesn’t show Luis appreciation very often, overlooking the nice things he does around the house for her and little physical touches that show his affection.

Monique considers her thought processes when Luis misses an opportunity to make her feel loved and notes that she assumes he purposely avoids doing things that she likes. She spends time thinking and talking with Luis about how they want to show and receive love, and they begin to work on improving their relationship.

Bridget on her own

Bridget struggles with low self-esteem , which causes depressive symptoms. She doesn’t feel good enough, and she doesn’t accept opportunities that come her way because of it. She begins working with a therapist to help her build self-awareness.

The next time an opportunity comes her way, she thinks she doesn’t want to do it and initially decides to turn it down. Later, with the help of some self-awareness techniques, Bridget realizes that she is only telling herself she doesn’t want to do it because of her fear that she won’t be good enough.

Bridget reminds herself that she is good enough and redirects her thoughts to “what if I succeed?” instead of “what if I fail?” She accepts the opportunity and continues to use self-awareness and self-love to improve her chances of success.

These three stories exemplify what self-awareness can look like and what it can do for you when you tap into it. Without self-awareness, Bob would have kept turning in bad reports, Monique would have continued in an unsatisfying relationship or broken things off, and Bridget would never have taken the opportunity that helped her grow.

If you look for them, you can find these stories everywhere.

There are many ways to build and practice self-awareness, but here are some of the most effective:

1. Practice mindfulness and meditation

Mindfulness refers to being present in the moment and paying attention to yourself and your surroundings rather than getting lost in thought or ruminating or daydreaming.

Meditation is the practice of focusing your attention on one thing, such as your breath, a mantra, or a feeling, and letting your thoughts drift by instead of holding on to them.

Both practices can help you become more aware of your internal state and your reactions to things. They can also help you identify your thoughts and feelings and keep from getting so caught up in them that you lose your hold on your “self.”

2. Practice yoga

Yoga is a physical practice, but it’s just as much a mental practice. While your body is stretching and bending and flexing, your mind is learning discipline, self-acceptance , and awareness. You become more aware of your body and all the feelings that manifest, and you become more aware of your mind and the thoughts that crop up.

You can even pair yoga with mindfulness or meditation to boost your self-awareness.

3. Make time to reflect

Reflecting can be done in multiple ways (including journaling; see the next tip) and is customizable to the person reflecting, but the important thing is to go over your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to see where you met your standards, where you failed them, and where you could improve.

You can also reflect on your standards themselves to see if they are good ones for you to hold yourself to. You can try writing in a journal, talking out loud, or simply sitting quietly and thinking, whatever helps you to reflect on yourself.

The benefit of journaling is that it allows you to identify, clarify, and accept your thoughts and feelings. It helps you discover what you want, what you value, and what works for you. It can also help you find out what you don’t want, what is not important to you, and what doesn’t work for you.

Both are equally important to learn. Whether you like to write free-flowing entries, bulleted lists, or poems, writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you to become more aware and intentional.

5. Ask the people you love

It’s vital to feel we know ourselves from the inside, but external feedback helps too. Ask your family and close friends about what they think about you. Have them describe you and see what rings true with you and what surprises you.

Carefully consider what they say and think about it when you journal or otherwise reflect. Of course, don’t take any one person’s word as gospel; you need to talk to a variety of people to get a comprehensive view of yourself.

And remember that at the end of the day, it’s your self-beliefs and feelings that matter the most to you!

Self-awareness is a powerful tool that, when practiced regularly, can do more good for coachees and clients than anything else a professional can share with them. To make real, impactful, and lasting change, people need to be able to look inward and become familiar with that internal environment.

Building self-awareness should be a top priority for virtually all clients, after which the more traditional coaching and counseling work can begin. For example, you can counsel someone on their bad habits and give 1,000 ways to break their habits.

Still, if they don’t understand why they tend toward these bad habits in the first place, it’s almost a guarantee that they will either never break those habits or will quit for a while and simply pick up where they left off when things get tough.

Self-awareness is not only vital for the coachee or client; it is also important for the coach or counselor. In fact, self-awareness is prioritized as a core standard in the Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs Standards (2017) for the profession, as both a requirement for counselors and a necessary skill to build in clients.

It takes a good amount of self-awareness to give competent counsel and provide actionable advice. Plus, self-awareness will help the caring counselor from getting too wrapped up in their client’s problems or seeing the issues through their own skewed lens.

To truly help someone, it’s essential to see things from their perspective, and that requires being self-aware enough to put our thoughts and feelings aside sometimes.

The link between meditation, mindfulness, and self-awareness is clear, meaning it’s no surprise that practicing the first two will naturally lead to more of the third.

When we meditate or practice mindfulness, we are paying attention to the things that can often get ignored in our busy day-to-day: the present moment and our own internal experience. Those who get to know their thought processes and patterns are more able to adapt and improve them, both by simply being aware of their processes and patterns and by giving themselves a mechanism for practicing and improving.

Indeed, a program intended to enhance self-awareness (among other things) through yoga and meditation resulted in a range of improvements, including more positive affect, less stress, greater mindfulness, enhanced resilience, and even greater job satisfaction (Trent et al., 2019).

According to the most popular theory of emotional intelligence from psychologist and author Daniel Goleman (2001), self-awareness is not only crucial for emotional intelligence; it’s one of the five components.

These five components are:

• Self-awareness
• Self-regulation
• Social skills

Other popular theories of emotional intelligence also include self-awareness as a core component, making it one of the factors that virtually all researchers and experts agree on (Goleman, 2001).

Self-awareness is a necessary building block of emotional intelligence; it is the building block upon which the rest of the components are built. One must have self-awareness to self-regulate, and social skills will be weak and of little use if you are not aware enough about when and how to use them.

If you’re looking to build your emotional intelligence, self-awareness is the first step. Make sure you have developed strong skills in self-awareness before giving the other elements your all.

Individuals do not want to be too similar or too dissimilar to others. They search for optimal distinctiveness (Brewer, 1991). Being too different and unaccepted can lead to stigmatization, prejudice, and isolation (Lynn & Snyder, 2002).

But being too similar can make you lose your sense of self. All humans have these competing needs to belong (Baumeister & Leary, 1995) yet stand out from others. People may vary in their need for uniqueness. Still, most people adjust their behaviors to set them apart when they feel too similar to others (Mengers, 2014).

In that respect, you can compare a person to an onion. Personal identities are at the core, with social identities building the different outward layers. Imagine, for example, you are traveling and asked where you are from. Answering the specific district you are from won’t relate to a person from a different continent, but telling your home country won’t differentiate you from others of the same nationality.

Other common social identities are race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or age. Given the context, people can call their social identity to action, depending on their need to belong to or differ from a group (Brewer, 1991).

Individuals can fulfill their needs simultaneously by activating social identities associated with distinct groups, resulting in greater levels of wellbeing (Mengers, 2014).

Apart from benefits for personal wellbeing and life satisfaction, societies can benefit from encouraging distinctiveness (Lynn & Snyder, 2002). Open and accepting environments allow people to assert their uniqueness, engage in their interests and pursuits and fear negative consequences less (Mengers, 2014).

To know who you are and live authentically, you must also understand what you are not. Distinctiveness is an essential tool to help differentiate you from others. Openness and approval must be encouraged to enable individuals, especially teenagers, to thrive.

If you want to be more like post-reflection Monique than pre-reflection Monique (referring to examples of self-awareness skills in action above), or if you’re going to help your clients with their relationship woes, here are some excellent tips for introducing more self-awareness within the context of a relationship:

1. Be mindful

Practice mindfulness, especially when interacting with your loved ones. Pay attention to the words they say, their tone, their body language, and their facial expressions. We often communicate far more information with the latter three than we do with our words alone. Give your loved ones your full attention.

Have regular discussions about the relationship. It’s important to keep things in perspective and ensure that nothing is falling between the cracks.

When you have regular conversations about your relationship with your loved ones, it’s much harder to avoid or ignore things that can turn into problems. It also helps you reflect on your part and come prepared to discuss your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with your loved ones.

3. Quality time

Spend quality time together and apart. This is especially important for romantic relationships, as we often find ourselves spending most or even all of our free time with our spouse or partner. However much you love and enjoy spending time with your partner, everyone needs some quality time alone.

Make sure you and your partner are both getting some quality “me” time to think about what you want, what you need, and what your goals are. This will help you keep yourself from merging too much into your partner and maintaining your independence and stability.

Then, since there will be two independent, stable, and healthy adults in the relationship, it will be even more fulfilling and satisfying to both partners when they spend quality time together.

4. Be considerate

Share your perspective and consider theirs. It’s easy to get too caught up in our own perspective on things; however, healthy relationships require that we consider others’ needs in addition to our own.

To know what our loved ones need and to deliver on those needs, we must first identify and understand them. We do this by practicing our self-awareness and sharing that awareness with our friends and family.

If you never check in with your loved ones on their views or feelings, it can cause you to drift apart and inhibit real, satisfying intimacy. Ask your loved ones for their perspective on things and share your perspective with them.

It’s easy to see how self-awareness can lead to these outcomes in the workplace, as better self-evaluation naturally leads to improving the alignment between our actions and our standards, resulting in better performance.

According to Tasha Eurich (2018), self-awareness can be divided into two categories or types: internal self-awareness and external self-awareness.

Internal self-awareness is about how well we see ourselves and our strengths, weaknesses, values, etc., while external self-awareness is understanding how others view us with those same factors (Eurich, 2018). Good managers and leaders need both to perform well in their roles.

Although you might think that more experience as a leader and greater power in one’s role lead to better self-awareness, that may not be the case. Experience can be positive or negative in terms of learning and improving the self. Even positive experiences can lead one to attribute success to themselves when it may have had more to do with the circumstances, leading to false confidence.

In fact, only 10–15% of those in Eurich’s (2018) study displayed self-awareness, although most of us believe we are self-aware.

To improve self-awareness, Eurich (2018) recommends introspection , but with a focus on asking oneself the right questions. She notes that asking “why” might not always be effective, as many of our internal processes remain shrouded in our subconscious or unconscious minds; instead, asking “what” may lead to better introspection.

For example, instead of asking, “ Why do I fail at this task so often? ” you might ask yourself, “ What are the circumstances in which I fail at this task, and what can I do to change them? ” It’s not a foolproof method, but it can aid you in improving your self-awareness and increasing your alignment with your standards on certain activities.

17 Exercises To Foster Self-Acceptance and Compassion

Help your clients develop a kinder, more accepting relationship with themselves using these 17 Self-Compassion Exercises [PDF] that promote self-care and self-compassion.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

Self-awareness isn’t just for managers and employees; it can also substantially benefit students, children, and adolescents. The same benefits that make us more productive in the workplace can make students more productive in the classroom and at home: better communication with teachers and peers, more confidence, and more satisfaction with performance can all lead to happier, healthier students.

These benefits also apply to advanced students. Increased self-awareness leads to more self-care in medical students (Saunders et al., 2007) and a better understanding of one’s strengths and capabilities along with a boost to emotional intelligence in law students (James, 2011).

In short, a little extra self-awareness can be of great benefit to anyone with the will to improve. This piece includes a description of self-awareness, an exploration of the theory of self-awareness, examples, and tips and tools you can use to boost your self-awareness. We hope you find this information helpful in increasing your self-awareness or that of your clients.

What exercises do you use to help build self-awareness ? What are some other benefits you’ve noticed? Let us know in the comments section below.

If you liked this post, head on over to our post about self-awareness books to further help you increase reflection.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Self Compassion Exercises for free .

• Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation.  Psychological Bulletin, 117(3) , 497–529.
• Brewer, M. B. (1991). The social self: On being the same and different at the same time.  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 17(5) , 475-482.
• Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs. (2017). 2009 Standards. Retrieved from https://www.cacrep.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/2009-Standards.pdf
• Dana, E. R., Lalwani, N., & Duval, S. (1997). Objective self-awareness and focus of attention following awareness of self-standard discrepancies: Changing self or changing standards of correctness. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology , 16 , 359–380.
• Duval, S., & Wicklund, R. A. (1972). A theory of objective self-awareness . Academic Press.
• Eurich, T. (2018, January 4). What self-awareness really is (and how to cultivate it). Harvard Business Review . Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it
• Goleman, D. (2001). Emotional intelligence: Issues in paradigm building. In C. Cherniss & D. Goleman (Eds.) The emotionally intelligent workplace. Jossey-Bass.
• James, C. (2011). Law student wellbeing: Benefits of promoting psychological literacy and self-awareness using mindfulness, strengths theory, and emotional intelligence. Legal Education Review , 21 (2).
• Lynn, M., & Snyder, C. R. (2002). Uniqueness seeking.  Handbook of Positive Psychology , 395-410.
• Mengers, A. A. (2014). The benefits of being yourself: An examination of authenticity, uniqueness, and well-being .
• Ridley, D. S., Schutz, P. A., Glanz, R. S., & Weinstein, C. E. (1992). Self-regulated learning: The interactive influence of metacognitive awareness and goal-setting. The Journal of Experimental Education , 60 , 293–306.
• Saunders, P. A., Tractenberg, R. E., Chaterji, R., Amri, H., Harazduk, N., Gordon, J. S., … Haramati, A. (2007). Promoting self-awareness and reflection through an experiential mind–body skills course for first-year medical students. Medical Teacher , 29 , 778–784.
• Silvia, P. J., & Duval, T. S. (2001). Objective Self-Awareness Theory: Recent progress and enduring problems. Personality and Social Psychology Review , 5 , 230–241.
• Silvia, P. J., & O’Brien, M. E. (2004). Self-awareness and constructive functioning: Revisiting “the Human Dilemma.” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology , 23 , 475–489.
• Sutton, A. (2016). Measuring the effects of self-awareness: Construction of the Self-Awareness Outcomes Questionnaire. Europe’s Journal of Psychology , 12 , 645–658.
• Sutton, A., Williams, H. M., & Allinson, C. W. (2015). A longitudinal, mixed-method evaluation of self-awareness training in the workplace. European Journal of Training and Development , 39 , 610–627.
• Trent, N. L., Borden, S., Miraglia, M., Pasalis, E., Dusek, J. A., & Khalsa, S. B. S. (2019). Improvements in psychological and occupational wellbeing in a pragmatic controlled trial of a yoga-based program for professionals. Journal of Alternative & Complementary Medicine , 25 , 593–605.

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Crying Myself to Sleep on the Biggest Cruise Ship Ever

Seven agonizing nights aboard the Icon of the Seas

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Updated at 2:44 p.m. ET on April 6, 2024.

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MY FIRST GLIMPSE of Royal Caribbean’s Icon of the Seas, from the window of an approaching Miami cab, brings on a feeling of vertigo, nausea, amazement, and distress. I shut my eyes in defense, as my brain tells my optic nerve to try again.

The ship makes no sense, vertically or horizontally. It makes no sense on sea, or on land, or in outer space. It looks like a hodgepodge of domes and minarets, tubes and canopies, like Istanbul had it been designed by idiots. Vibrant, oversignifying colors are stacked upon other such colors, decks perched over still more decks; the only comfort is a row of lifeboats ringing its perimeter. There is no imposed order, no cogent thought, and, for those who do not harbor a totalitarian sense of gigantomania, no visual mercy. This is the biggest cruise ship ever built, and I have been tasked with witnessing its inaugural voyage.

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“Author embarks on their first cruise-ship voyage” has been a staple of American essay writing for almost three decades, beginning with David Foster Wallace’s “A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again,” which was first published in 1996 under the title “Shipping Out.” Since then, many admirable writers have widened and diversified the genre. Usually the essayist commissioned to take to the sea is in their first or second flush of youth and is ready to sharpen their wit against the hull of the offending vessel. I am 51, old and tired, having seen much of the world as a former travel journalist, and mostly what I do in both life and prose is shrug while muttering to my imaginary dachshund, “This too shall pass.” But the Icon of the Seas will not countenance a shrug. The Icon of the Seas is the Linda Loman of cruise ships, exclaiming that attention must be paid. And here I am in late January with my one piece of luggage and useless gray winter jacket and passport, zipping through the Port of Miami en route to the gangway that will separate me from the bulk of North America for more than seven days, ready to pay it in full.

The aforementioned gangway opens up directly onto a thriving mall (I will soon learn it is imperiously called the “Royal Promenade”), presently filled with yapping passengers beneath a ceiling studded with balloons ready to drop. Crew members from every part of the global South, as well as a few Balkans, are shepherding us along while pressing flutes of champagne into our hands. By a humming Starbucks, I drink as many of these as I can and prepare to find my cabin. I show my blue Suite Sky SeaPass Card (more on this later, much more) to a smiling woman from the Philippines, and she tells me to go “aft.” Which is where, now? As someone who has rarely sailed on a vessel grander than the Staten Island Ferry, I am confused. It turns out that the aft is the stern of the ship, or, for those of us who don’t know what a stern or an aft are, its ass. The nose of the ship, responsible for separating the waves before it, is also called a bow, and is marked for passengers as the FWD , or forward. The part of the contemporary sailing vessel where the malls are clustered is called the midship. I trust that you have enjoyed this nautical lesson.

I ascend via elevator to my suite on Deck 11. This is where I encounter my first terrible surprise. My suite windows and balcony do not face the ocean. Instead, they look out onto another shopping mall. This mall is the one that’s called Central Park, perhaps in homage to the Olmsted-designed bit of greenery in the middle of my hometown. Although on land I would be delighted to own a suite with Central Park views, here I am deeply depressed. To sail on a ship and not wake up to a vast blue carpet of ocean? Unthinkable.

Allow me a brief preamble here. The story you are reading was commissioned at a moment when most staterooms on the Icon were sold out. In fact, so enthralled by the prospect of this voyage were hard-core mariners that the ship’s entire inventory of guest rooms (the Icon can accommodate up to 7,600 passengers, but its inaugural journey was reduced to 5,000 or so for a less crowded experience) was almost immediately sold out. Hence, this publication was faced with the shocking prospect of paying nearly $19,000 to procure for this solitary passenger an entire suite—not including drinking expenses—all for the privilege of bringing you this article. But the suite in question doesn’t even have a view of the ocean! I sit down hard on my soft bed. Nineteen thousand dollars for this .

The viewless suite does have its pluses. In addition to all the Malin+Goetz products in my dual bathrooms, I am granted use of a dedicated Suite Deck lounge; access to Coastal Kitchen, a superior restaurant for Suites passengers; complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream (“the fastest Internet at Sea”) “for one device per person for the whole cruise duration”; a pair of bathrobes (one of which comes prestained with what looks like a large expectoration by the greenest lizard on Earth); and use of the Grove Suite Sun, an area on Decks 18 and 19 with food and deck chairs reserved exclusively for Suite passengers. I also get reserved seating for a performance of The Wizard of Oz , an ice-skating tribute to the periodic table, and similar provocations. The very color of my Suite Sky SeaPass Card, an oceanic blue as opposed to the cloying royal purple of the standard non-Suite passenger, will soon provoke envy and admiration. But as high as my status may be, there are those on board who have much higher status still, and I will soon learn to bow before them.

In preparation for sailing, I have “priced in,” as they say on Wall Street, the possibility that I may come from a somewhat different monde than many of the other cruisers. Without falling into stereotypes or preconceptions, I prepare myself for a friendly outspokenness on the part of my fellow seafarers that may not comply with modern DEI standards. I believe in meeting people halfway, and so the day before flying down to Miami, I visited what remains of Little Italy to purchase a popular T-shirt that reads DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL across the breast in the colors of the Italian flag. My wife recommended that I bring one of my many T-shirts featuring Snoopy and the Peanuts gang, as all Americans love the beagle and his friends. But I naively thought that my meatball T-shirt would be more suitable for conversation-starting. “Oh, and who is your ‘daddy’?” some might ask upon seeing it. “And how long have you been his ‘little meatball’?” And so on.

I put on my meatball T-shirt and head for one of the dining rooms to get a late lunch. In the elevator, I stick out my chest for all to read the funny legend upon it, but soon I realize that despite its burnished tricolor letters, no one takes note. More to the point, no one takes note of me. Despite my attempts at bridge building, the very sight of me (small, ethnic, without a cap bearing the name of a football team) elicits no reaction from other passengers. Most often, they will small-talk over me as if I don’t exist. This brings to mind the travails of David Foster Wallace , who felt so ostracized by his fellow passengers that he retreated to his cabin for much of his voyage. And Wallace was raised primarily in the Midwest and was a much larger, more American-looking meatball than I am. If he couldn’t talk to these people, how will I? What if I leave this ship without making any friends at all, despite my T-shirt? I am a social creature, and the prospect of seven days alone and apart is saddening. Wallace’s stateroom, at least, had a view of the ocean, a kind of cheap eternity.

Worse awaits me in the dining room. This is a large, multichandeliered room where I attended my safety training (I was shown how to put on a flotation vest; it is a very simple procedure). But the maître d’ politely refuses me entry in an English that seems to verge on another language. “I’m sorry, this is only for pendejos ,” he seems to be saying. I push back politely and he repeats himself. Pendejos ? Piranhas? There’s some kind of P-word to which I am not attuned. Meanwhile elderly passengers stream right past, powered by their limbs, walkers, and electric wheelchairs. “It is only pendejo dining today, sir.” “But I have a suite!” I say, already starting to catch on to the ship’s class system. He examines my card again. “But you are not a pendejo ,” he confirms. I am wearing a DADDY’S LITTLE MEATBALL T-shirt, I want to say to him. I am the essence of pendejo .

Eventually, I give up and head to the plebeian buffet on Deck 15, which has an aquatic-styled name I have now forgotten. Before gaining entry to this endless cornucopia of reheated food, one passes a washing station of many sinks and soap dispensers, and perhaps the most intriguing character on the entire ship. He is Mr. Washy Washy—or, according to his name tag, Nielbert of the Philippines—and he is dressed as a taco (on other occasions, I’ll see him dressed as a burger). Mr. Washy Washy performs an eponymous song in spirited, indeed flamboyant English: “Washy, washy, wash your hands, WASHY WASHY!” The dangers of norovirus and COVID on a cruise ship this size (a giant fellow ship was stricken with the former right after my voyage) makes Mr. Washy Washy an essential member of the crew. The problem lies with the food at the end of Washy’s rainbow. The buffet is groaning with what sounds like sophisticated dishes—marinated octopus, boiled egg with anchovy, chorizo, lobster claws—but every animal tastes tragically the same, as if there was only one creature available at the market, a “cruisipus” bred specifically for Royal Caribbean dining. The “vegetables” are no better. I pick up a tomato slice and look right through it. It tastes like cellophane. I sit alone, apart from the couples and parents with gaggles of children, as “We Are Family” echoes across the buffet space.

I may have failed to mention that all this time, the Icon of the Seas has not left port. As the fiery mango of the subtropical setting sun makes Miami’s condo skyline even more apocalyptic, the ship shoves off beneath a perfunctory display of fireworks. After the sun sets, in the far, dark distance, another circus-lit cruise ship ruptures the waves before us. We glance at it with pity, because it is by definition a smaller ship than our own. I am on Deck 15, outside the buffet and overlooking a bunch of pools (the Icon has seven of them), drinking a frilly drink that I got from one of the bars (the Icon has 15 of them), still too shy to speak to anyone, despite Sister Sledge’s assertion that all on the ship are somehow related.

Kim Brooks: On failing the family vacation

The ship’s passage away from Ron DeSantis’s Florida provides no frisson, no sense of developing “sea legs,” as the ship is too large to register the presence of waves unless a mighty wind adds significant chop. It is time for me to register the presence of the 5,000 passengers around me, even if they refuse to register mine. My fellow travelers have prepared for this trip with personally decorated T-shirts celebrating the importance of this voyage. The simplest ones say ICON INAUGURAL ’24 on the back and the family name on the front. Others attest to an over-the-top love of cruise ships: WARNING! MAY START TALKING ABOUT CRUISING . Still others are artisanally designed and celebrate lifetimes spent married while cruising (on ships, of course). A couple possibly in their 90s are wearing shirts whose backs feature a drawing of a cruise liner, two flamingos with ostensibly male and female characteristics, and the legend “ HUSBAND AND WIFE Cruising Partners FOR LIFE WE MAY NOT HAVE IT All Together BUT TOGETHER WE HAVE IT ALL .” (The words not in all caps have been written in cursive.) A real journalist or a more intrepid conversationalist would have gone up to the couple and asked them to explain the longevity of their marriage vis-à-vis their love of cruising. But instead I head to my mall suite, take off my meatball T-shirt, and allow the first tears of the cruise to roll down my cheeks slowly enough that I briefly fall asleep amid the moisture and salt.

I WAKE UP with a hangover. Oh God. Right. I cannot believe all of that happened last night. A name floats into my cobwebbed, nauseated brain: “Ayn Rand.” Jesus Christ.

I breakfast alone at the Coastal Kitchen. The coffee tastes fine and the eggs came out of a bird. The ship rolls slightly this morning; I can feel it in my thighs and my schlong, the parts of me that are most receptive to danger.

I had a dangerous conversation last night. After the sun set and we were at least 50 miles from shore (most modern cruise ships sail at about 23 miles an hour), I lay in bed softly hiccupping, my arms stretched out exactly like Jesus on the cross, the sound of the distant waves missing from my mall-facing suite, replaced by the hum of air-conditioning and children shouting in Spanish through the vents of my two bathrooms. I decided this passivity was unacceptable. As an immigrant, I feel duty-bound to complete the tasks I am paid for, which means reaching out and trying to understand my fellow cruisers. So I put on a normal James Perse T-shirt and headed for one of the bars on the Royal Promenade—the Schooner Bar, it was called, if memory serves correctly.

I sat at the bar for a martini and two Negronis. An old man with thick, hairy forearms drank next to me, very silent and Hemingwaylike, while a dreadlocked piano player tinkled out a series of excellent Elton John covers. To my right, a young white couple—he in floral shorts, she in a light, summery miniskirt with a fearsome diamond ring, neither of them in football regalia—chatted with an elderly couple. Do it , I commanded myself. Open your mouth. Speak! Speak without being spoken to. Initiate. A sentence fragment caught my ear from the young woman, “Cherry Hill.” This is a suburb of Philadelphia in New Jersey, and I had once been there for a reading at a synagogue. “Excuse me,” I said gently to her. “Did you just mention Cherry Hill? It’s a lovely place.”

As it turned out, the couple now lived in Fort Lauderdale (the number of Floridians on the cruise surprised me, given that Southern Florida is itself a kind of cruise ship, albeit one slowly sinking), but soon they were talking with me exclusively—the man potbellied, with a chin like a hard-boiled egg; the woman as svelte as if she were one of the many Ukrainian members of the crew—the elderly couple next to them forgotten. This felt as groundbreaking as the first time I dared to address an American in his native tongue, as a child on a bus in Queens (“On my foot you are standing, Mister”).

“I don’t want to talk politics,” the man said. “But they’re going to eighty-six Biden and put Michelle in.”

I considered the contradictions of his opening conversational gambit, but decided to play along. “People like Michelle,” I said, testing the waters. The husband sneered, but the wife charitably put forward that the former first lady was “more personable” than Joe Biden. “They’re gonna eighty-six Biden,” the husband repeated. “He can’t put a sentence together.”

After I mentioned that I was a writer—though I presented myself as a writer of teleplays instead of novels and articles such as this one—the husband told me his favorite writer was Ayn Rand. “Ayn Rand, she came here with nothing,” the husband said. “I work with a lot of Cubans, so …” I wondered if I should mention what I usually do to ingratiate myself with Republicans or libertarians: the fact that my finances improved after pass-through corporations were taxed differently under Donald Trump. Instead, I ordered another drink and the couple did the same, and I told him that Rand and I were born in the same city, St. Petersburg/Leningrad, and that my family also came here with nothing. Now the bonding and drinking began in earnest, and several more rounds appeared. Until it all fell apart.

Read: Gary Shteyngart on watching Russian television for five days straight

My new friend, whom I will refer to as Ayn, called out to a buddy of his across the bar, and suddenly a young couple, both covered in tattoos, appeared next to us. “He fucking punked me,” Ayn’s frat-boy-like friend called out as he put his arm around Ayn, while his sizable partner sizzled up to Mrs. Rand. Both of them had a look I have never seen on land—their eyes projecting absence and enmity in equal measure. In the ’90s, I drank with Russian soldiers fresh from Chechnya and wandered the streets of wartime Zagreb, but I have never seen such undisguised hostility toward both me and perhaps the universe at large. I was briefly introduced to this psychopathic pair, but neither of them wanted to have anything to do with me, and the tattooed woman would not even reveal her Christian name to me (she pretended to have the same first name as Mrs. Rand). To impress his tattooed friends, Ayn made fun of the fact that as a television writer, I’d worked on the series Succession (which, it would turn out, practically nobody on the ship had watched), instead of the far more palatable, in his eyes, zombie drama of last year. And then my new friends drifted away from me into an angry private conversation—“He punked me!”—as I ordered another drink for myself, scared of the dead-eyed arrivals whose gaze never registered in the dim wattage of the Schooner Bar, whose terrifying voices and hollow laughs grated like unoiled gears against the crooning of “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.”

But today is a new day for me and my hangover. After breakfast, I explore the ship’s so-called neighborhoods . There’s the AquaDome, where one can find a food hall and an acrobatic sound-and-light aquatic show. Central Park has a premium steak house, a sushi joint, and a used Rolex that can be bought for $8,000 on land here proudly offered at $17,000. There’s the aforementioned Royal Promenade, where I had drunk with the Rands, and where a pair of dueling pianos duel well into the night. There’s Surfside, a kids’ neighborhood full of sugary garbage, which looks out onto the frothy trail that the behemoth leaves behind itself. Thrill Island refers to the collection of tubes that clutter the ass of the ship and offer passengers six waterslides and a surfing simulation. There’s the Hideaway, an adult zone that plays music from a vomit-slathered, Brit-filled Alicante nightclub circa 1996 and proves a big favorite with groups of young Latin American customers. And, most hurtfully, there’s the Suite Neighborhood.

I say hurtfully because as a Suite passenger I should be here, though my particular suite is far from the others. Whereas I am stuck amid the riffraff of Deck 11, this section is on the highborn Decks 16 and 17, and in passing, I peek into the spacious, tall-ceilinged staterooms from the hallway, dazzled by the glint of the waves and sun. For $75,000, one multifloor suite even comes with its own slide between floors, so that a family may enjoy this particular terror in private. There is a quiet splendor to the Suite Neighborhood. I see fewer stickers and signs and drawings than in my own neighborhood—for example, MIKE AND DIANA PROUDLY SERVED U.S. MARINE CORPS RETIRED . No one here needs to announce their branch of service or rank; they are simply Suites, and this is where they belong. Once again, despite my hard work and perseverance, I have been disallowed from the true American elite. Once again, I am “Not our class, dear.” I am reminded of watching The Love Boat on my grandmother’s Zenith, which either was given to her or we found in the trash (I get our many malfunctioning Zeniths confused) and whose tube got so hot, I would put little chunks of government cheese on a thin tissue atop it to give our welfare treat a pleasant, Reagan-era gooeyness. I could not understand English well enough then to catch the nuances of that seafaring program, but I knew that there were differences in the status of the passengers, and that sometimes those differences made them sad. Still, this ship, this plenty—every few steps, there are complimentary nachos or milkshakes or gyros on offer—was the fatty fuel of my childhood dreams. If only I had remained a child.

I walk around the outdoor decks looking for company. There is a middle-aged African American couple who always seem to be asleep in each other’s arms, probably exhausted from the late capitalism they regularly encounter on land. There is far more diversity on this ship than I expected. Many couples are a testament to Loving v. Virginia , and there is a large group of folks whose T-shirts read MELANIN AT SEA / IT’S THE MELANIN FOR ME . I smile when I see them, but then some young kids from the group makes Mr. Washy Washy do a cruel, caricatured “Burger Dance” (today he is in his burger getup), and I think, Well, so much for intersectionality .

At the infinity pool on Deck 17, I spot some elderly women who could be ethnic and from my part of the world, and so I jump in. I am proved correct! Many of them seem to be originally from Queens (“Corona was still great when it was all Italian”), though they are now spread across the tristate area. We bond over the way “Ron-kon-koma” sounds when announced in Penn Station.

“Everyone is here for a different reason,” one of them tells me. She and her ex-husband last sailed together four years ago to prove to themselves that their marriage was truly over. Her 15-year-old son lost his virginity to “an Irish young lady” while their ship was moored in Ravenna, Italy. The gaggle of old-timers competes to tell me their favorite cruising stories and tips. “A guy proposed in Central Park a couple of years ago”—many Royal Caribbean ships apparently have this ridiculous communal area—“and she ran away screaming!” “If you’re diamond-class, you get four drinks for free.” “A different kind of passenger sails out of Bayonne.” (This, perhaps, is racially coded.) “Sometimes, if you tip the bartender $5, your next drink will be free.”

“Everyone’s here for a different reason,” the woman whose marriage ended on a cruise tells me again. “Some people are here for bad reasons—the drinkers and the gamblers. Some people are here for medical reasons.” I have seen more than a few oxygen tanks and at least one woman clearly undergoing very serious chemo. Some T-shirts celebrate good news about a cancer diagnosis. This might be someone’s last cruise or week on Earth. For these women, who have spent months, if not years, at sea, cruising is a ritual as well as a life cycle: first love, last love, marriage, divorce, death.

Read: The last place on Earth any tourist should go

I have talked with these women for so long, tonight I promise myself that after a sad solitary dinner I will not try to seek out company at the bars in the mall or the adult-themed Hideaway. I have enough material to fulfill my duties to this publication. As I approach my orphaned suite, I run into the aggro young people who stole Mr. and Mrs. Rand away from me the night before. The tattooed apparitions pass me without a glance. She is singing something violent about “Stuttering Stanley” (a character in a popular horror movie, as I discover with my complimentary VOOM SM Surf & Stream Internet at Sea) and he’s loudly shouting about “all the money I’ve lost,” presumably at the casino in the bowels of the ship.

So these bent psychos out of a Cormac McCarthy novel are angrily inhabiting my deck. As I mewl myself to sleep, I envision a limited series for HBO or some other streamer, a kind of low-rent White Lotus , where several aggressive couples conspire to throw a shy intellectual interloper overboard. I type the scenario into my phone. As I fall asleep, I think of what the woman who recently divorced her husband and whose son became a man through the good offices of the Irish Republic told me while I was hoisting myself out of the infinity pool. “I’m here because I’m an explorer. I’m here because I’m trying something new.” What if I allowed myself to believe in her fantasy?

“YOU REALLY STARTED AT THE TOP,” they tell me. I’m at the Coastal Kitchen for my eggs and corned-beef hash, and the maître d’ has slotted me in between two couples. Fueled by coffee or perhaps intrigued by my relative youth, they strike up a conversation with me. As always, people are shocked that this is my first cruise. They contrast the Icon favorably with all the preceding liners in the Royal Caribbean fleet, usually commenting on the efficiency of the elevators that hurl us from deck to deck (as in many large corporate buildings, the elevators ask you to choose a floor and then direct you to one of many lifts). The couple to my right, from Palo Alto—he refers to his “porn mustache” and calls his wife “my cougar” because she is two years older—tell me they are “Pandemic Pinnacles.”

This is the day that my eyes will be opened. Pinnacles , it is explained to me over translucent cantaloupe, have sailed with Royal Caribbean for 700 ungodly nights. Pandemic Pinnacles took advantage of the two-for-one accrual rate of Pinnacle points during the pandemic, when sailing on a cruise ship was even more ill-advised, to catapult themselves into Pinnacle status.

Because of the importance of the inaugural voyage of the world’s largest cruise liner, more than 200 Pinnacles are on this ship, a startling number, it seems. Mrs. Palo Alto takes out a golden badge that I have seen affixed over many a breast, which reads CROWN AND ANCHOR SOCIETY along with her name. This is the coveted badge of the Pinnacle. “You should hear all the whining in Guest Services,” her husband tells me. Apparently, the Pinnacles who are not also Suites like us are all trying to use their status to get into Coastal Kitchen, our elite restaurant. Even a Pinnacle needs to be a Suite to access this level of corned-beef hash.

“We’re just baby Pinnacles,” Mrs. Palo Alto tells me, describing a kind of internal class struggle among the Pinnacle elite for ever higher status.

And now I understand what the maître d’ was saying to me on the first day of my cruise. He wasn’t saying “ pendejo .” He was saying “Pinnacle.” The dining room was for Pinnacles only, all those older people rolling in like the tide on their motorized scooters.

And now I understand something else: This whole thing is a cult. And like most cults, it can’t help but mirror the endless American fight for status. Like Keith Raniere’s NXIVM, where different-colored sashes were given out to connote rank among Raniere’s branded acolytes, this is an endless competition among Pinnacles, Suites, Diamond-Plusers, and facing-the-mall, no-balcony purple SeaPass Card peasants, not to mention the many distinctions within each category. The more you cruise, the higher your status. No wonder a section of the Royal Promenade is devoted to getting passengers to book their next cruise during the one they should be enjoying now. No wonder desperate Royal Caribbean offers (“FINAL HOURS”) crowded my email account weeks before I set sail. No wonder the ship’s jewelry store, the Royal Bling, is selling a $100,000 golden chalice that will entitle its owner to drink free on Royal Caribbean cruises for life. (One passenger was already gaming out whether her 28-year-old son was young enough to “just about earn out” on the chalice or if that ship had sailed.) No wonder this ship was sold out months before departure , and we had to pay $19,000 for a horrid suite away from the Suite Neighborhood. No wonder the most mythical hero of Royal Caribbean lore is someone named Super Mario, who has cruised so often, he now has his own working desk on many ships. This whole experience is part cult, part nautical pyramid scheme.

From the June 2014 issue: Ship of wonks

“The toilets are amazing,” the Palo Altos are telling me. “One flush and you’re done.” “They don’t understand how energy-efficient these ships are,” the husband of the other couple is telling me. “They got the LNG”—liquefied natural gas, which is supposed to make the Icon a boon to the environment (a concept widely disputed and sometimes ridiculed by environmentalists).

But I’m thinking along a different line of attack as I spear my last pallid slice of melon. For my streaming limited series, a Pinnacle would have to get killed by either an outright peasant or a Suite without an ocean view. I tell my breakfast companions my idea.

“Oh, for sure a Pinnacle would have to be killed,” Mr. Palo Alto, the Pandemic Pinnacle, says, touching his porn mustache thoughtfully as his wife nods.

“THAT’S RIGHT, IT’S your time, buddy!” Hubert, my fun-loving Panamanian cabin attendant, shouts as I step out of my suite in a robe. “Take it easy, buddy!”

I have come up with a new dressing strategy. Instead of trying to impress with my choice of T-shirts, I have decided to start wearing a robe, as one does at a resort property on land, with a proper spa and hammam. The response among my fellow cruisers has been ecstatic. “Look at you in the robe!” Mr. Rand cries out as we pass each other by the Thrill Island aqua park. “You’re living the cruise life! You know, you really drank me under the table that night.” I laugh as we part ways, but my soul cries out, Please spend more time with me, Mr. and Mrs. Rand; I so need the company .

In my white robe, I am a stately presence, a refugee from a better limited series, a one-man crossover episode. (Only Suites are granted these robes to begin with.) Today, I will try many of the activities these ships have on offer to provide their clientele with a sense of never-ceasing motion. Because I am already at Thrill Island, I decide to climb the staircase to what looks like a mast on an old-fashioned ship (terrified, because I am afraid of heights) to try a ride called “Storm Chasers,” which is part of the “Category 6” water park, named in honor of one of the storms that may someday do away with the Port of Miami entirely. Storm Chasers consists of falling from the “mast” down a long, twisting neon tube filled with water, like being the camera inside your own colonoscopy, as you hold on to the handles of a mat, hoping not to die. The tube then flops you down headfirst into a trough of water, a Royal Caribbean baptism. It both knocks my breath out and makes me sad.

In keeping with the aquatic theme, I attend a show at the AquaDome. To the sound of “Live and Let Die,” a man in a harness gyrates to and fro in the sultry air. I saw something very similar in the back rooms of the famed Berghain club in early-aughts Berlin. Soon another harnessed man is gyrating next to the first. Ja , I think to myself, I know how this ends. Now will come the fisting , natürlich . But the show soon devolves into the usual Marvel-film-grade nonsense, with too much light and sound signifying nichts . If any fisting is happening, it is probably in the Suite Neighborhood, inside a cabin marked with an upside-down pineapple, which I understand means a couple are ready to swing, and I will see none of it.

I go to the ice show, which is a kind of homage—if that’s possible—to the periodic table, done with the style and pomp and masterful precision that would please the likes of Kim Jong Un, if only he could afford Royal Caribbean talent. At one point, the dancers skate to the theme song of Succession . “See that!” I want to say to my fellow Suites—at “cultural” events, we have a special section reserved for us away from the commoners—“ Succession ! It’s even better than the zombie show! Open your minds!”

Finally, I visit a comedy revue in an enormous and too brightly lit version of an “intimate,” per Royal Caribbean literature, “Manhattan comedy club.” Many of the jokes are about the cruising life. “I’ve lived on ships for 20 years,” one of the middle-aged comedians says. “I can only see so many Filipino homosexuals dressed as a taco.” He pauses while the audience laughs. “I am so fired tonight,” he says. He segues into a Trump impression and then Biden falling asleep at the microphone, which gets the most laughs. “Anyone here from Fort Leonard Wood?” another comedian asks. Half the crowd seems to cheer. As I fall asleep that night, I realize another connection I have failed to make, and one that may explain some of the diversity on this vessel—many of its passengers have served in the military.

As a coddled passenger with a suite, I feel like I am starting to understand what it means to have a rank and be constantly reminded of it. There are many espresso makers , I think as I look across the expanse of my officer-grade quarters before closing my eyes, but this one is mine .

A shocking sight greets me beyond the pools of Deck 17 as I saunter over to the Coastal Kitchen for my morning intake of slightly sour Americanos. A tiny city beneath a series of perfectly pressed green mountains. Land! We have docked for a brief respite in Basseterre, the capital of St. Kitts and Nevis. I wolf down my egg scramble to be one of the first passengers off the ship. Once past the gangway, I barely refrain from kissing the ground. I rush into the sights and sounds of this scruffy island city, sampling incredible conch curry and buckets of non-Starbucks coffee. How wonderful it is to be where God intended humans to be: on land. After all, I am neither a fish nor a mall rat. This is my natural environment. Basseterre may not be Havana, but there are signs of human ingenuity and desire everywhere you look. The Black Table Grill Has been Relocated to Soho Village, Market Street, Directly Behind of, Gary’s Fruits and Flower Shop. Signed. THE PORK MAN reads a sign stuck to a wall. Now, that is how you write a sign. A real sign, not the come-ons for overpriced Rolexes that blink across the screens of the Royal Promenade.

“Hey, tie your shoestring!” a pair of laughing ladies shout to me across the street.

“Thank you!” I shout back. Shoestring! “Thank you very much.”

A man in Independence Square Park comes by and asks if I want to play with his monkey. I haven’t heard that pickup line since the Penn Station of the 1980s. But then he pulls a real monkey out of a bag. The monkey is wearing a diaper and looks insane. Wonderful , I think, just wonderful! There is so much life here. I email my editor asking if I can remain on St. Kitts and allow the Icon to sail off into the horizon without me. I have even priced a flight home at less than $300, and I have enough material from the first four days on the cruise to write the entire story. “It would be funny …” my editor replies. “Now get on the boat.”

As I slink back to the ship after my brief jailbreak, the locals stand under umbrellas to gaze at and photograph the boat that towers over their small capital city. The limousines of the prime minister and his lackeys are parked beside the gangway. St. Kitts, I’ve been told, is one of the few islands that would allow a ship of this size to dock.

“We hear about all the waterslides,” a sweet young server in one of the cafés told me. “We wish we could go on the ship, but we have to work.”

“I want to stay on your island,” I replied. “I love it here.”

But she didn’t understand how I could possibly mean that.

“WASHY, WASHY, so you don’t get stinky, stinky!” kids are singing outside the AquaDome, while their adult minders look on in disapproval, perhaps worried that Mr. Washy Washy is grooming them into a life of gayness. I heard a southern couple skip the buffet entirely out of fear of Mr. Washy Washy.

Meanwhile, I have found a new watering hole for myself, the Swim & Tonic, the biggest swim-up bar on any cruise ship in the world. Drinking next to full-size, nearly naked Americans takes away one’s own self-consciousness. The men have curvaceous mom bodies. The women are equally un-shy about their sprawling physiques.

Today I’ve befriended a bald man with many children who tells me that all of the little trinkets that Royal Caribbean has left us in our staterooms and suites are worth a fortune on eBay. “Eighty dollars for the water bottle, 60 for the lanyard,” the man says. “This is a cult.”

“Tell me about it,” I say. There is, however, a clientele for whom this cruise makes perfect sense. For a large middle-class family (he works in “supply chains”), seven days in a lower-tier cabin—which starts at $1,800 a person—allow the parents to drop off their children in Surfside, where I imagine many young Filipina crew members will take care of them, while the parents are free to get drunk at a swim-up bar and maybe even get intimate in their cabin. Cruise ships have become, for a certain kind of hardworking family, a form of subsidized child care.

There is another man I would like to befriend at the Swim & Tonic, a tall, bald fellow who is perpetually inebriated and who wears a necklace studded with little rubber duckies in sunglasses, which, I am told, is a sort of secret handshake for cruise aficionados. Tomorrow, I will spend more time with him, but first the ship docks at St. Thomas, in the U.S. Virgin Islands. Charlotte Amalie, the capital, is more charming in name than in presence, but I still all but jump off the ship to score a juicy oxtail and plantains at the well-known Petite Pump Room, overlooking the harbor. From one of the highest points in the small city, the Icon of the Seas appears bigger than the surrounding hills.

I usually tan very evenly, but something about the discombobulation of life at sea makes me forget the regular application of sunscreen. As I walk down the streets of Charlotte Amalie in my fluorescent Icon of the Seas cap, an old Rastafarian stares me down. “Redneck,” he hisses.

“No,” I want to tell him, as I bring a hand up to my red neck, “that’s not who I am at all. On my island, Mannahatta, as Whitman would have it, I am an interesting person living within an engaging artistic milieu. I do not wish to use the Caribbean as a dumping ground for the cruise-ship industry. I love the work of Derek Walcott. You don’t understand. I am not a redneck. And if I am, they did this to me.” They meaning Royal Caribbean? Its passengers? The Rands?

“They did this to me!”

Back on the Icon, some older matrons are muttering about a run-in with passengers from the Celebrity cruise ship docked next to us, the Celebrity Apex. Although Celebrity Cruises is also owned by Royal Caribbean, I am made to understand that there is a deep fratricidal beef between passengers of the two lines. “We met a woman from the Apex,” one matron says, “and she says it was a small ship and there was nothing to do. Her face was as tight as a 19-year-old’s, she had so much surgery.” With those words, and beneath a cloudy sky, humidity shrouding our weathered faces and red necks, we set sail once again, hopefully in the direction of home.

THERE ARE BARELY 48 HOURS LEFT to the cruise, and the Icon of the Seas’ passengers are salty. They know how to work the elevators. They know the Washy Washy song by heart. They understand that the chicken gyro at “Feta Mediterranean,” in the AquaDome Market, is the least problematic form of chicken on the ship.

The passengers have shed their INAUGURAL CRUISE T-shirts and are now starting to evince political opinions. There are caps pledging to make America great again and T-shirts that celebrate words sometimes attributed to Patrick Henry: “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people; it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.” With their preponderance of FAMILY FLAG FAITH FRIENDS FIREARMS T-shirts, the tables by the crepe station sometimes resemble the Capitol Rotunda on January 6. The Real Anthony Fauci , by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., appears to be a popular form of literature, especially among young men with very complicated versions of the American flag on their T-shirts. Other opinions blend the personal and the political. “Someone needs to kill Washy guy, right?” a well-dressed man in the elevator tells me, his gray eyes radiating nothing. “Just beat him to death. Am I right?” I overhear the male member of a young couple whisper, “There goes that freak” as I saunter by in my white spa robe, and I decide to retire it for the rest of the cruise.

I visit the Royal Bling to see up close the $100,000 golden chalice that entitles you to free drinks on Royal Caribbean forever. The pleasant Serbian saleslady explains that the chalice is actually gold-plated and covered in white zirconia instead of diamonds, as it would otherwise cost $1 million. “If you already have everything,” she explains, “this is one more thing you can get.”

I believe that anyone who works for Royal Caribbean should be entitled to immediate American citizenship. They already speak English better than most of the passengers and, per the Serbian lady’s sales pitch above, better understand what America is as well. Crew members like my Panamanian cabin attendant seem to work 24 hours a day. A waiter from New Delhi tells me that his contract is six months and three weeks long. After a cruise ends, he says, “in a few hours, we start again for the next cruise.” At the end of the half a year at sea, he is allowed a two-to-three-month stay at home with his family. As of 2019, the median income for crew members was somewhere in the vicinity of $20,000, according to a major business publication. Royal Caribbean would not share the current median salary for its crew members, but I am certain that it amounts to a fraction of the cost of a Royal Bling gold-plated, zirconia-studded chalice.

And because most of the Icon’s hyper-sanitized spaces are just a frittata away from being a Delta lounge, one forgets that there are actual sailors on this ship, charged with the herculean task of docking it in port. “Having driven 100,000-ton aircraft carriers throughout my career,” retired Admiral James G. Stavridis, the former NATO Supreme Allied Commander Europe, writes to me, “I’m not sure I would even know where to begin with trying to control a sea monster like this one nearly three times the size.” (I first met Stavridis while touring Army bases in Germany more than a decade ago.)

Today, I decide to head to the hot tub near Swim & Tonic, where some of the ship’s drunkest reprobates seem to gather (the other tubs are filled with families and couples). The talk here, like everywhere else on the ship, concerns football, a sport about which I know nothing. It is apparent that four teams have recently competed in some kind of finals for the year, and that two of them will now face off in the championship. Often when people on the Icon speak, I will try to repeat the last thing they said with a laugh or a nod of disbelief. “Yes, 20-yard line! Ha!” “Oh my God, of course, scrimmage.”

Soon we are joined in the hot tub by the late-middle-age drunk guy with the duck necklace. He is wearing a bucket hat with the legend HAWKEYES , which, I soon gather, is yet another football team. “All right, who turned me in?” Duck Necklace says as he plops into the tub beside us. “I get a call in the morning,” he says. “It’s security. Can you come down to the dining room by 10 a.m.? You need to stay away from the members of this religious family.” Apparently, the gregarious Duck Necklace had photobombed the wrong people. There are several families who present as evangelical Christians or practicing Muslims on the ship. One man, evidently, was not happy that Duck Necklace had made contact with his relatives. “It’s because of religious stuff; he was offended. I put my arm around 20 people a day.”

Everyone laughs. “They asked me three times if I needed medication,” he says of the security people who apparently interrogated him in full view of others having breakfast.

Another hot-tub denizen suggests that he should have asked for fentanyl. After a few more drinks, Duck Necklace begins to muse about what it would be like to fall off the ship. “I’m 62 and I’m ready to go,” he says. “I just don’t want a shark to eat me. I’m a huge God guy. I’m a Bible guy. There’s some Mayan theory squaring science stuff with religion. There is so much more to life on Earth.” We all nod into our Red Stripes.

“I never get off the ship when we dock,” he says. He tells us he lost $6,000 in the casino the other day. Later, I look him up, and it appears that on land, he’s a financial adviser in a crisp gray suit, probably a pillar of his North Chicago community.

THE OCEAN IS TEEMING with fascinating life, but on the surface it has little to teach us. The waves come and go. The horizon remains ever far away.

I am constantly told by my fellow passengers that “everybody here has a story.” Yes, I want to reply, but everybody everywhere has a story. You, the reader of this essay, have a story, and yet you’re not inclined to jump on a cruise ship and, like Duck Necklace, tell your story to others at great pitch and volume. Maybe what they’re saying is that everybody on this ship wants to have a bigger, more coherent, more interesting story than the one they’ve been given. Maybe that’s why there’s so much signage on the doors around me attesting to marriages spent on the sea. Maybe that’s why the Royal Caribbean newsletter slipped under my door tells me that “this isn’t a vacation day spent—it’s bragging rights earned.” Maybe that’s why I’m so lonely.

Today is a big day for Icon passengers. Today the ship docks at Royal Caribbean’s own Bahamian island, the Perfect Day at CocoCay. (This appears to be the actual name of the island.) A comedian at the nightclub opined on what his perfect day at CocoCay would look like—receiving oral sex while learning that his ex-wife had been killed in a car crash (big laughter). But the reality of the island is far less humorous than that.

One of the ethnic tristate ladies in the infinity pool told me that she loved CocoCay because it had exactly the same things that could be found on the ship itself. This proves to be correct. It is like the Icon, but with sand. The same tired burgers, the same colorful tubes conveying children and water from Point A to B. The same swim-up bar at its Hideaway ($140 for admittance, no children allowed; Royal Caribbean must be printing money off its clientele). “There was almost a fight at The Wizard of Oz ,” I overhear an elderly woman tell her companion on a chaise lounge. Apparently one of the passengers began recording Royal Caribbean’s intellectual property and “three guys came after him.”

I walk down a pathway to the center of the island, where a sign reads DO NOT ENTER: YOU HAVE REACHED THE BOUNDARY OF ADVENTURE . I hear an animal scampering in the bushes. A Royal Caribbean worker in an enormous golf cart soon chases me down and takes me back to the Hideaway, where I run into Mrs. Rand in a bikini. She becomes livid telling me about an altercation she had the other day with a woman over a towel and a deck chair. We Suites have special towel privileges; we do not have to hand over our SeaPass Card to score a towel. But the Rands are not Suites. “People are so entitled here,” Mrs. Rand says. “It’s like the airport with all its classes.” “You see,” I want to say, “this is where your husband’s love of Ayn Rand runs into the cruelties and arbitrary indignities of unbridled capitalism.” Instead we make plans to meet for a final drink in the Schooner Bar tonight (the Rands will stand me up).

Back on the ship, I try to do laps, but the pool (the largest on any cruise ship, naturally) is fully trashed with the detritus of American life: candy wrappers, a slowly dissolving tortilla chip, napkins. I take an extra-long shower in my suite, then walk around the perimeter of the ship on a kind of exercise track, past all the alluring lifeboats in their yellow-and-white livery. Maybe there is a dystopian angle to the HBO series that I will surely end up pitching, one with shades of WALL-E or Snowpiercer . In a collapsed world, a Royal Caribbean–like cruise liner sails from port to port, collecting new shipmates and supplies in exchange for the precious energy it has on board. (The actual Icon features a new technology that converts passengers’ poop into enough energy to power the waterslides . In the series, this shitty technology would be greatly expanded.) A very young woman (18? 19?), smart and lonely, who has only known life on the ship, walks along the same track as I do now, contemplating jumping off into the surf left by its wake. I picture reusing Duck Necklace’s words in the opening shot of the pilot. The girl is walking around the track, her eyes on the horizon; maybe she’s highborn—a Suite—and we hear the voice-over: “I’m 19 and I’m ready to go. I just don’t want a shark to eat me.”

Before the cruise is finished, I talk to Mr. Washy Washy, or Nielbert of the Philippines. He is a sweet, gentle man, and I thank him for the earworm of a song he has given me and for keeping us safe from the dreaded norovirus. “This is very important to me, getting people to wash their hands,” he tells me in his burger getup. He has dreams, as an artist and a performer, but they are limited in scope. One day he wants to dress up as a piece of bacon for the morning shift.

THE MAIDEN VOYAGE OF THE TITANIC (the Icon of the Seas is five times as large as that doomed vessel) at least offered its passengers an exciting ending to their cruise, but when I wake up on the eighth day, all I see are the gray ghosts that populate Miami’s condo skyline. Throughout my voyage, my writer friends wrote in to commiserate with me. Sloane Crosley, who once covered a three-day spa mini-cruise for Vogue , tells me she felt “so very alone … I found it very untethering.” Gideon Lewis-Kraus writes in an Instagram comment: “When Gary is done I think it’s time this genre was taken out back and shot.” And he is right. To badly paraphrase Adorno: After this, no more cruise stories. It is unfair to put a thinking person on a cruise ship. Writers typically have difficult childhoods, and it is cruel to remind them of the inherent loneliness that drove them to writing in the first place. It is also unseemly to write about the kind of people who go on cruises. Our country does not provide the education and upbringing that allow its citizens an interior life. For the creative class to point fingers at the large, breasty gentlemen adrift in tortilla-chip-laden pools of water is to gather a sour harvest of low-hanging fruit.

A day or two before I got off the ship, I decided to make use of my balcony, which I had avoided because I thought the view would only depress me further. What I found shocked me. My suite did not look out on Central Park after all. This entire time, I had been living in the ship’s Disneyland, Surfside, the neighborhood full of screaming toddlers consuming milkshakes and candy. And as I leaned out over my balcony, I beheld a slight vista of the sea and surf that I thought I had been missing. It had been there all along. The sea was frothy and infinite and blue-green beneath the span of a seagull’s wing. And though it had been trod hard by the world’s largest cruise ship, it remained.

This article appears in the May 2024 print edition with the headline “A Meatball at Sea.” When you buy a book using a link on this page, we receive a commission. Thank you for supporting The Atlantic.