Emotional Intelligence Skills and How to Develop Them

Applying Emotional Intelligence Skills

Whether you know it as emotional quotient (EQ), emotional intelligence (EI), or you’re familiar with the idea of “soft skills” more broadly, emotional intelIigence plays an important role in our daily lives.

Emotional intelligence underpins our professional relationships, interpersonal communications, and ability to motivate ourselves.

If you’ve ever held yourself back when you’ve felt like lashing out, you’re already familiar with one way EI works. Like other aspects of the self, it’s not tangible, but even though we can’t see emotional intelligence, we can certainly feel its impact.

Before you read on, we thought you might like to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free . These science-based exercises will not only enhance your ability to understand and work with your emotions but will also give you the tools to foster the emotional intelligence of your clients, students, or employees.

This Article Contains:

  • What Are Emotional Intelligence Skills?

Real-Life Examples of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence, social skills, and you, how to develop emotional intelligence skills, emotional intelligence skills assessment, 3 exercises to develop ei skills, great tedx talks and youtube videos, a take-home message, what are emotional intelligence skills.

Emotional intelligence is:

“a type of intelligence that involves the ability to process emotional information and use it in reasoning and other cognitive activities.”

American Psychological Association, 2018

EI is relevant in both our professional and personal relationships, as well as the relationships we have with ourselves. We’ll look at the dynamics of how EI plays a big role in interpersonal skills.

“Emotional intelligence” was coined by two American psychologists, John Mayer and Peter Salovey, in 1997, and from their definition, we can get a great idea of what emotional intelligence skills are all about:

“The emotionally intelligent person is skilled in four areas: identifying emotions, using emotions, understanding emotions, and regulating emotions.”

Emotional intelligence is at play throughout our everyday lives (Schutte et al., 2001):

  • EI helps us manage our emotions by allowing us to dismiss, ignore, or regulate our unproductive emotions in instances when they’re just not helpful. For example, there’s little value in yelling at a bus driver because your commute has been slowed down by bad traffic.
  • Our EI abilities are what allow us to notice and understand how others are feeling. They play a big role in defining who we are by shaping our relationships with others around us.
  • Our emotional intelligence skills are believed to be huge contributors to our overall success in life, due to their influence on our ability to self-manage and motivate.

Stress relief meditation

We’ll use workplace examples and also consider how EI looks in personal relationships.

Listening to others

Jane works at an advertising agency, and things can get a little hectic during the brainstorming process. Everyone struggles to get their opinion heard, thinking they have the best idea. Quite often, this leads to a lot of raised voices. When Jane’s college Bob presents a campaign idea, it’s difficult for him to get his point across without another team member talking over him, which demonstrates very little respect and can lead to hurt feelings.

Before the next meeting, Jane calmly suggests that people listen quietly to one another when other’s are presenting. With this simple request, Jane is demonstrating strong emotional intelligence. Specifically, she’s perceiving that Bob is feeling disrespected and she’s attempting to manage emotions in the room. Both recognition and effective handling of the team’s emotions are at play.

When everyone starts to listen to one another, per Jane’s suggestion, it’s much simpler to reach a constructive decision together.

Facilitating thought

Daniel is a parking inspector, and this means that sometimes people return to their cars to find him printing out a ticket. Over the years, he’s learned that an authoritative, “only doing my job” attitude tends to provoke negative reactions from drivers. Often, these lead to complaints about his performance.

When drivers catch Daniel printing out a ticket, he now starts their interaction with a smile. He asks how they’re doing and then starts a chat about the weather. By detecting and attending to their emotions, then adapting his communication strategy using higher-level mental processes, he’s managed to reduce the complaints against him by 90%. He’s also successfully managed others’ emotions despite their potentially irrational behavior.

Understanding others’ perspectives

Lisa has gone over to Debby’s house to return a dress she borrowed. She even brings a slice of cake because she knows that Debby has had a very stressful week at work. Debby’s in an unpleasant mood because she’s exhausted and doesn’t invite Lisa inside. Instead, she is snappy and closes the door on her friend as soon as she can. Lisa is upset, thinking “How horrible” as she walks home.

During the walk, Lisa reflects on the situation and takes a moment to think about Debby, who has been busy with incredibly long hours, working until 9 pm each day at the office. She dismisses her earlier thoughts and recognizes that Debby has just been tired and a little worn out. By putting herself in her friend’s shoes and looking at the emotional situation objectively, she’s been able to make a rational decision about how to react.

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As the above examples illustrate, emotional intelligence, social skills, and communication skills are inextricably linked.

Being aware of our emotions and handling our feelings can be critical in determining success in many aspects of life (Bar-On, 2006, 2013). Unsurprisingly, relationships, emotional intelligence, and social skills play a huge role in our happiness and family relationships (Gottman et al., 1998).

When it comes to EI skills, the ability to perceive and manage emotions helps us cope with conflict. It does this by allowing us to anticipate how others are feeling and adapt our responses so we can resolve them in a mutually beneficial way.

Interestingly, academics have noted a specific positive linkage between EI and increased relationship satisfaction (Malouff et al., 2014). And this has made it possible for us to develop actionable strategies to improve our relationships by growing our emotional intelligence skills. Here are some examples of how we can do this.

Positive Psychology at Work

1. Work on your self-awareness

Mindfulness is key with this exercise, which is surprisingly easy. Start by simply taking a little time to think about your reactions to daily events. A few quiet moments at the end of the day are perfect for reflecting on what happened to you and how you felt. Corporate psychologist Dr. Patricia Thompson (2018) suggests not to stop here, either.

She stresses that it’s important to take this reflection a little further by spending some time considering your own strengths, triggers, values, and opportunities that you see to develop further (Thompson, 2018). This EI exercise is built on Mayer and Salovey’s (1997) concept of perceiving emotions—it starts with you!

2. Reframe your perception of self-management

Executive coach Roger Reece (2018) advises that conflicts with others can often be problems that relate to our frame of reference. As an example, reframing is what we do when we switch from a glass-half-empty to a glass-half-full perspective, in a sense. When developing our EI, we take this internal process and apply it to our interactions with others. Here’s Reece’s (2018) description of how it works:

“By reframing conflict with a co-worker as an opportunity to build better teamwork with that person, you can find the motivation to initiate a conversation rather than avoid the conflict as unworkable. During a difficult conversation, you can reframe the way you see the other person – not as an enemy, but rather a potential new ally.”

The concept of reframing is a popular one with EI practitioners and works well if you are looking for a long-term way to deal with unavoidable interpersonal conflicts. As an example, imagine that someone is criticizing an idea you have come up with. Now imagine reframing the situation: “ How useful these suggestions are, I can use them to improve my idea. ”

3. Become aware of your emotional triggers

Another approach Reece (2018) suggests for learning to manage our own emotions is to identify the triggers that set them off in the first place. This involves trying to isolate, anticipate, and control the aspects of our interactions with others that set us off.

A common example is what Reece calls the offense trigger . It describes most people’s tendency to become offended by others’ body language, tone of voice, etc. during arguments. The opposite is considering what their intended message might actually be; maybe they’re just trying to help.

We’ve included a really great exercise on identifying your triggers in one of the worksheets below. The underpinning motivation for identifying our triggers is to be able to control our maladaptive emotional responses to them. If we know that someone’s tendency to speak frankly tends to set us off, for example, we can adapt our behaviors accordingly when we interact with them.

Being less defensive and aggressive if an interaction is unavoidable, for example, can help us reach a constructive conclusion when we engage.

4. Recognize and celebrate your positive emotions

This practice is as simple as taking the time to do things that make you experience positive emotions. This isn’t about taking a tropical vacation each weekend. It’s more about intentionally engaging in intrinsically rewarding activities like being kind, recalling past happy memories, and expressing our gratitude when we interact with others (Thompson, 2018).

This exercise is based on the idea that experiencing more positive emotions puts you in a better and more resilient position when negative things occur. We’re better equipped, in this respect, by taking conscious steps to celebrate the things that evoke positive feelings in ourselves.

While many different organizations and practitioners use varying emotional intelligence skills assessments, the best known is probably the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (Mayer et al., 2002).

Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test

The Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT) uses a whopping 141 items to measure four emotional intelligence skills mentioned above. It also gives you area scores for Experiential EI and Strategic EI and one total EI score, as the picture below shows (Brackett & Salovey, 2006).

Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test

Some example questions are shown below (Mayer et al., 2002; Price & Walle, 2018):

1. Identifying emotions

Emotional Intelligence applied

2. Using emotions

What mood(s) might be helpful to feel when meeting in-laws for the very first time?

3. Understanding emotions

Tom felt anxious and became a bit stressed when he thought about all the work he needed to do. When his supervisor brought him an additional project, he felt ____. (Select the best choice.)

  • Overwhelmed
  • Self-conscious

4. Managing Emotions

Angie just returned from vacation. She was feeling peaceful and content. On a scale of one to five, how well would each action preserve her mood?

Action 1: She started to make a list of things at home that she needed to do. Very ineffective..1…..2…..3…..4…..5..Very effective

Action 2: She began thinking about where and when she would go on her next vacation. Very ineffective..1…..2…..3…..4…..5..Very effective

Action 3: She decided it was best to ignore the feeling since it wouldn’t last anyway. Very ineffective..1…..2…..3…..4…..5..Very effective

You can learn more about the full version of the MSCEIT here .

The Harvard Business Review EI Assessment

This emotional intelligence test is much shorter, comprising only 25 items, which you can do here (McKee, 2015). Because the answers are all on the same five-point Likert scale, the test is easy to complete. Here are some sample items (not in the original order):

1) I can describe my feelings in detail, beyond just “happy,” “sad,” “angry,” and so on.

  • Most of the time

2) I focus on opportunities rather than obstacles.

3) I see people as good and well intentioned.

4) I use strong emotions, such as anger, fear, and joy, appropriately and for the good of others.

5) I readily understand others’ viewpoints, even when they are different from my own.

6) My curiosity about others drives me to listen attentively to them.

7) I adapt easily when a situation is uncertain or ever-changing.

On the HBR website itself, you can submit your answers online, and even ask others to respond to the same test while thinking about you.

Developing your emotional intelligence skills doesn’t have to be difficult. Whether you prefer to learn from books, exercises, or videos, there’s something for everyone.

The important thing is to find what works for you, as you’ll quickly discover that this makes it much easier to continue the great work over time.

Perceiving, understanding, and managing emotions

This exercise is for everyone. You’ll note that a lot of emotional intelligence exercises are based on reflection. Whether it’s a reflection on your own experiences, your interactions with others, or part of a longer, ongoing journaling exercise, reflection and EI often go hand in hand.

The exercise starts with recalling a recent occasion when something unexpected occurred and caused you to feel certain emotions.

Think about:

  • The people who were there.
  • What happened.
  • The emotions you felt.
  • The emotions you presently feel as you recall and reflect on the event.

Note down your reflections in answer to the following questions:

  • What did you first become aware of, in yourself, as you remembered the situation?
  • What physical sensations did you notice?
  • How would you describe the first emotion you felt as you remembered this experience?
  • When did you become aware of the emotion? (both during the situation itself and during the process of remembering)
  • What signals alerted you that this was the emotion you were experiencing?
  • What triggered this particular emotion for you?

This exercise is part of an Emotional Intelligence Skills eBook from The Myers-Briggs Company .

Understanding triggers

The exercise above gave an in-depth look at how we can perceive emotions in response to a certain event. The Therapist Aid’s (2017) Understanding Triggers worksheet starts by identifying unwanted emotional responses (anger, frustration, jealousy, etc.) and helps us work on strategies. It can be used to better understand potentially maladaptive coping mechanisms.

A trigger is “ a stimulus – such as a person, place, situation, or thing – that contributes to an unwanted emotional or behavioral response ” (Therapist Aid, 2017).

We start by identifying the problem: something that our unwanted responses are contributing to. Maybe it’s snapping at others in the workplace or reacting badly to negative feedback.

Describe the problem your triggers are contributing to. What’s the worst-case scenario if you are exposed to your triggers?

We then explore these by sorting them into trigger categories. We think about each of the six categories below and ask ourselves if any of these trigger the unwanted emotional response:

  • Emotional state

Ideally, we start to identify our triggers and avoid them where possible. This step makes it easier for us to then fill out the following table, which is adapted from the original exercise (Therapist Aid, 2017):

Avoiding unnecessary triggers and learning to better handle those that are just part of life are also welcome ways to cut down on stress.

Self-Management Activity

This self-management activity looks at how to better manage our own behavioral reactions to the emotions we feel. Sometimes it’s natural to feel really angry – traffic jams come instantly to mind!

There are two super-simple steps to this activity. In the first, think back to a time you felt angry, and list your reactions and behaviors in response to the following statement:

The last time I was angry, I…

For the second activity, describe some healthy management skills and behaviors. These are how you’d prefer to react to similar situations in the future. Some suggestions of healthy management skills include:

  • Breathing deeply
  • Going for a walk
  • Taking a break
  • Taking a shower
  • Thinking before you speak
  • Distracting yourself
  • Writing about it

assignment 08 quiz developing emotional intelligence

17 Exercises To Develop Emotional Intelligence

These 17 Emotional Intelligence Exercises [PDF] will help others strengthen their relationships, lower stress, and enhance their wellbeing through improved EQ.

Created by Experts. 100% Science-based.

If you’re a different kind of visual learner, we recommend you find out more about emotional intelligence, social skills, and communication skills from some of these videos:

The Power of Emotional Intelligence

A TEDx talk by Travis Bradberry, who gives some great examples to answer the question “What are emotional intelligence skills?”

Daniel Goleman Introduces Emotional Intelligence

A short, concise, but informative video from Daniel Goleman, the journalist and psychologist who helped to popularize the EI concept .

Emotional Intelligence: From Theory to Everyday Practice

An interesting one from Yale University, looking at emotional intelligence abilities in everyday life.

Emotional Intelligence: How Good Leaders Become Great

From the UC Davis Executive Leadership Program, this talk also considers emotional intelligence and coaching skills for leaders .

In this article, we’ve considered several approaches to defining emotional intelligence and how we can start to develop our own EI skills through activities and mindfulness. We’ve looked at the many ways that emotional intelligence, social skills, and communication are all related to hopefully give you an idea of how EI can:

  • Improve your relationship satisfaction
  • Help you understand and manage your own emotions
  • Make you more successful at dealing with everyday frustrations
  • Help you work toward more mutually beneficial resolutions to conflict
  • Get you through those traffic jams without pulling your hair out!

Do you have great quotes or mental techniques for developing your emotional intelligence skills? Have you found a great approach that works for you? If so, we are keen for you to share your thoughts with us.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free .

  • American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Emotional intelligence, In APA Dictionary of Psychology . Retrieved from https://dictionary.apa.org/emotional-intelligence.
  • Bar-On, R. (2006). The Bar-On model of emotional-social intelligence (ESI). Psicothema, 18(S),13-25.
  • Bar-On, R. (2013). Theoretical foundations, background and development of the Bar-On model of emotional intelligence. Retrieved from http://www.reuvenbaron.org/wp/theoretical-foundations-background-and-development-of-the-bar-on-model-of-emotional-intelligence/
  • Brackett, M. A., & Salovey, P. (2006). Measuring emotional intelligence with the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT). Psicothema, 18(S), 34-41.
  • Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrere, S., & Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family , 60(1), 5–22.
  • Malouff, J. M., Schutte, N. S., & Thorsteinsson, E. B. (2014). Trait emotional intelligence and romantic relationship satisfaction: A meta-analysis. The American Journal of Family Therapy , 42(1), 53-66.
  • Mayer, J., & Salovey, P. (1997). What is Emotional Intelligence? In P. Salovey and D. Sluyter (Eds). Emotional Development and Emotional Intelligence . New York: Basic Books.
  • Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., & Caruso, D. (2002). Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test manual . Toronto: Multi-Health Systems.
  • McKee, A. (2015, June 5). Quiz yourself: Do you lead with emotional intelligence ? Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2015/06/quiz-yourself-do-you-lead-with-emotional-intelligence
  • Price, C., & Walle, E. (Eds.) (2018). Emotion researcher: ISRE’s sourcebook for research on emotion and affect . International Society for Research on Emotion. Retrieved from http://emotionresearcher.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Emotion-Researcher-March-2018.pdf
  • Reece, R. (2018). Emotional Intelligence & Conflict Management . Retrieved from http://emotionalintelligenceworkshops.com/emotional-intelligence-conflict-management.htm
  • Schutte, N. S., Malouff, J. M., Bobik, C., Coston, T. D., Greeson, C., Jedlicka, C., & Wendorf, G. (2001). Emotional intelligence and interpersonal relations. The Journal of social psychology, 141(4), 523-536.
  • Therapist Aid. (2017). Triggers . Retrieved from https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/triggers/
  • Thompson, P. (2018). 9 Tips To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence For Stronger Relationships . Retrieved from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17573/9-tips-to-increase-your-emotional-intelligence-for-stronger-relationships.html.

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What our readers think.

Gregory Thomsen

great conversations about emotional intelligence

chris Cortez

This was a great course, i will take this again. a reminder to control emotions

Alison

Any thoughts on helping a pre teen develop stronger EI? Possibly books or activities specific for that age group. Modeling behaviors/ trying to talk with my 12 year old isn’t working and they aren’t self motivated to get better. Thanks!

Nicole Celestine, Ph.D.

We have a dedicated post containing exercises and activities about emotional intelligence for children. You can find that here . Here’s another post of ours about teaching emotional intelligence to teens. Regarding books, you may find Gottman’s ‘Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child’ or Shapiro’s ‘How to Raise a Child with High EQ’ useful.

Hope this helps!

– Nicole | Community Manager

larry courtney

my thoughts on emotional intelligence is everyone is different. even in each household each family member may have some of the same feelings, but as we grow in our good and bad moments, we may have a twist or turn that fix how we control our emotional state. we hold it in, we try to show there is good in everything, on and on.

Janet

WOW i like this article so interesting. i have learned much about my EI.thanks so much. hope to do more exercise to improve my emotional intelligence.

Cath

Thanks Janet for your comment! Hope it helps!

sonia

Merci beaucoup , c’était un excellent article.

Thanks Sonia, glad you enjoyed!

Eric

This was a GREAT article. I know it was made as a general statement but from my PERSONAL experience and from what I have seen around me, having high emotional intelligence did not in fact translate into more success in life. Most of my peers with high emotional intelligence are not doing so well (financially speaking), nor have they climbed up the ladder in their places of employment. I happen to be the exception, but I believe it is, at the very least, 80% luck-based. I am sure having high emotional intelligence contributed to where I am today but I believe it is way way way overstated.

Craig Smith

Hi Eric, thanks so much for your feedback and continuing the conversation 🙂

Hiya Eric, Thanks so much for your input. I agree that a lot of different factors play a role in success, and that there’s no way one concept in isolation can ‘predict’ success. At the same time, any attempt to define success is to open another can of worms completely, in my opinion! Food for thought, at the very least 🙂 You may find our article on Emotional Intelligence books interesting, and I personally would love to hear your thoughts if you’ve read any of them! https://positivepsychology.com/best-emotional-intelligence-books/ Cath

Veelead

Thanks for sharing information about emotional tactics

Thank you Veelead for reading! Do feel free to let us know if any of the exercises have been of use to you. If you enjoy practical tactics and exercises, you might also like this book by Gill Hasson, too: Emotional Intelligence Pocketbook: Little Exercises for an Intuitive Life. Best, Cath

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Mastering Emotional Intelligence: A Comprehensive Guide to Developing Your EQ with the 08 Quiz

assignment 08 quiz developing emotional intelligence

Introduction: Understanding Emotional Intelligence

In today’s fast-paced world, emotional intelligence (EQ) has gained much importance. EQ involves the ability to identify, understand, and manage one’s emotions along with others’. It is often considered as a critical skill for personal as well as professional success. As per a study conducted by TalentSmart, individuals with high EQ earn an average of $29,000 more per year than those with low EQ.

Various methods are available to develop EQ, including emotional intelligence coaching, training, and quizzes. In this article, we will dive into how the 08 Quiz can be used as a tool to enhance your EQ.

What is the 08 Quiz?

The 08 Quiz is an assessment tool designed to measure one’s emotional intelligence. It is based on eight key emotional intelligence competencies, which are:

1. Self-Awareness 2. Self-Regulation 3. Motivation 4. Empathy 5. Social Skills 6. Influence 7. Conflict Management 8. Leadership

The quiz comprises 120 questions, with 15 questions dedicated to each of the eight competencies. The results provide insights into one’s emotional intelligence level, helping individuals and organizations understand their strengths and weaknesses.

How Does the 08 Quiz Help Develop Emotional Intelligence?

The 08 Quiz helps identify areas where an individual needs improvement regarding their emotional intelligence. The feedback provided by the quiz results can be used to develop an action plan to enhance one’s EQ. It aids in creating self-awareness, thereby allowing individuals to recognize their emotional triggers and patterns. Self-awareness is critical in developing EQ as it helps in regulating emotions.

Examples of Emotional Intelligence Development with the 08 Quiz

Let’s take an example of how the 08 Quiz can help develop EQ. Suppose the results indicate that an individual has low scores in self-regulation and conflict management. This feedback can be used as a starting point for developing an action plan to improve these skills.

An action plan could include various steps, such as learning anger management techniques, identifying triggers that lead to conflict, and practicing assertive communication. Such strategies can help an individual regulate their emotions, improve conflict resolution skills and enhance their EQ.

Conclusion: Mastering Emotional Intelligence with the 08 Quiz

Emotional intelligence is an essential skill that can pave the way for personal and professional success. The 08 Quiz is a reliable tool to measure one’s EQ and identify areas for improvement. It helps individuals create self-awareness, regulate emotions, and improve interpersonal relations. By using the results to develop an action plan, individuals can practice self-improvement, successfully develop greater emotional intelligence, and ultimately thrive in their personal and professional lives.

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Emotional Intelligence

Developing strong "people skills".

By the Mind Tools Content Team

Key Takeaways

  • Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize your emotions, understand what they're telling you, and realize how your emotions affect other people.
  • There are five elements that define Emotional Intelligence: Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, Motivation, Empathy, and Social Skills.
  • Emotionally intelligent people are masters at managing their emotions. The ability to stay calm and in control in difficult situations is highly valued
  • Developing and using your emotional intelligence can be a good way to show others the leader inside of you.
  • Emotional intelligence can be learned and developed

We probably all know people, either at work or in our personal lives, who are really good listeners. No matter what kind of situation we're in, they always seem to know just what to say – and how to say it – so that we're not offended or upset. They're caring and considerate, and even if we don't find a solution to our problem, we usually leave feeling more hopeful and optimistic.

We probably also know people who are masters at managing their emotions. They don't get angry in stressful situations. Instead, they have the ability to look at a problem and calmly find a solution. They're excellent decision makers, and they know when to trust their intuition. Regardless of their strengths, however, they're usually willing to look at themselves honestly. They take criticism well, and they know when to use it to improve their performance.

People like this have a high degree of emotional intelligence. They know themselves very well, and they're also able to sense the emotional needs of others.

Would you like to be more like this?

As more and more people accept that emotional intelligence is just as important to professional success as technical ability, organizations are increasingly using it when they hire and promote.

For example, one large cosmetics company recently revised their hiring process for salespeople to choose candidates based on their emotional intelligence. The result? People hired with the new system have sold, on average, $91,000 more than salespeople selected under the old system. There has also been significantly lower staff turnover among the group chosen for their emotional intelligence.

So, what exactly is emotional intelligence, and what can you do to improve yours?

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

We all have different personalities, different wants and needs, and different ways of showing our emotions. Navigating through this all takes tact and cleverness – especially if we hope to succeed in life. This is where emotional intelligence becomes important.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize your emotions, understand what they're telling you, and realize how your emotions affect people around you. It also involves your perception of others: when you understand how they feel, this allows you to manage relationships more effectively.

People with high emotional intelligence are usually successful in most things they do. Why? Because they're the ones that others want on their team. When people with high emotional intelligence send an email, it gets answered. When they need help, they get it. Because they make others feel good, they go through life much more easily than people who are easily angered or upset.

Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence

In his book titled "Emotional Intelligence - Why It Can Matter More Than IQ" 1995, Daniel Goleman , an American psychologist, developed a framework of five elements that define emotional intelligence:

  • Self-Awareness – People with high emotional intelligence are usually very self-aware . They understand their emotions, and because of this, they don't let their feelings rule them. They're confident – because they trust their intuition and don't let their emotions get out of control. They're also willing to take an honest look at themselves. They know their strengths and weaknesses, and they work on these areas so they can perform better. Many people believe that this self-awareness is the most important part of emotional intelligence.
  • Self-Regulation – This is the ability to control emotions and impulses. People who self-regulate typically don't allow themselves to become too angry or jealous, and they don't make impulsive, careless decisions. They think before they act. Characteristics of self-regulation are thoughtfulness, comfort with change, integrity , and the ability to say no.
  • Motivation – People with a high degree of emotional intelligence are usually motivated . They're willing to defer immediate results for long-term success. They're highly productive, love a challenge, and are very effective in whatever they do.
  • Empathy – This is perhaps the second-most important element of emotional intelligence. Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you. People with empathy are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even when those feelings may not be obvious. As a result, empathetic people are usually excellent at managing relationships , listening , and relating to others. They avoid stereotyping and judging too quickly, and they live their lives in a very open, honest way.
  • Social Skills – It's usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills, another sign of high emotional intelligence. Those with strong social skills are typically team players. Rather than focus on their own success first, they help others develop and shine. They can manage disputes, are excellent communicators, and are masters at building and maintaining relationships.

Terms reproduced by permission of Bloomsbury Press.

As you've probably determined, emotional intelligence can be a key to success in your life – especially in your career. The ability to manage people and relationships is very important in all leaders, so developing and using your emotional intelligence can be a good way to show others the leader inside of you.

How Do You Become Emotionally Intelligent?

The good news is that emotional intelligence can be learned and developed. As well as working on your skills in the five areas above, use these strategies:

  • Observe how you react to people. Do you rush to judgment before you know all of the facts? Do you stereotype? Look honestly at how you think and interact with other people. Try to put yourself in their place , and be more open and accepting of their perspectives and needs.
  • Look at your work environment. Do you seek attention for your accomplishments? Humility can be a wonderful quality, and it doesn't mean that you're shy or lack self-confidence. When you practice humility, you say that you know what you did, and you can be quietly confident about it. Give others a chance to shine – put the focus on them, and don't worry too much about getting praise for yourself.
  • Do a self-evaluation. Try out our emotional intelligence quiz . What are your weaknesses? Are you willing to accept that you're not perfect and that you could work on some areas to make yourself a better person? Have the courage to look at yourself honestly – it can change your life.
  • Examine how you react to stressful situations. Do you become upset every time there's a delay or something doesn't happen the way you want? Do you blame others or become angry at them, even when it's not their fault? The ability to stay calm and in control in difficult situations is highly valued – in the business world and outside it. Keep your emotions under control when things go wrong.
  • Take responsibility for your actions. If you hurt someone's feelings, apologize directly – don't ignore what you did or avoid the person. People are usually more willing to forgive and forget if you make an honest attempt to make things right.
  • Examine how your actions will affect others – before you take those actions. If your decision will impact others, put yourself in their place. How will they feel if you do this? Would you want that experience? If you must take the action, how can you help others deal with the effects?

What is Emotional Intelligence in Leadership?

To be effective, leaders must have a solid understanding of how their emotions and actions affect the people around them. The better a leader relates to and works with others, the more successful he or she will be.

Being an emotionally intelligent leader means you will be able to coach teams, manage stress, deliver feedback, and collaborate with others more effectively.

Why is Emotional Intelligence Important in Leadership?

For leaders, having Emotional Intelligence is essential for success. After all, who is more likely to succeed – a leader who shouts at their team when they are under stress, or a leader who stays in control, and calmly assesses the situation?

The more that you, as a leader, excel in each of Goleman's five key elements of Emotional Intelligence – self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills – the more effective as a leader you will be.

Leading With Emotional Intelligence

What leading with Emotional Intelligence means in practical terms is becoming a leader who brings the best out in people.

That happens when you really “connect” with people – and when it does, it can impact both engagement and productivity.

Four ways you can do this are:

  • Be an active listener , so people know you value what they think
  • Be empathetic , so people know you care
  • Take time to understand what motivates your employees
  • Get perspective by discovering where your employees are “coming from,” how their lived experiences can benefit your team and organization

For an in-depth explanation, see our article on Emotional Intelligence in Leadership for specific tips related to a leadership role.

Frequently Asked Questions About Emotional Intelligence

What are the top 5 characteristics of emotional intelligence in leaders.

The more that you, as a leader, excel in each of Goleman's five key elements of Emotional Intelligence the more effective as a leader you will be. These are:

  • Self-awareness
  • Self-regulation
  • Social skills

What Are the Top Qualities of Leaders?

Leaders set direction and help themselves and others to do the right thing to move forward. To do this they:

  • Create an inspiring vision
  • Then motivate and inspire others to achieve it.
  • They manage delivery of the vision, either directly or indirectly
  • They build and coach their teams to make them ever stronger.
  • They're flexible and adapt to their circumstances.

How Can You Improve Your Leadership Skills?

Successful leaders tend to have certain traits. Two keys areas of personal growth and development are fundamental to leadership success: self-confidence and a positive attitude .

Self-confident people are usually inspiring, and people like to be around individuals who believe in themselves and in what they're doing.

Likewise, if you're a positive and optimistic person who tries to make the best of any situation, you'll find it much easier to motivate people to do their best.

What are the 3 C's of Emotional Intelligence?

The main characteristics of Emotional Intelligence are sometimes reduced to three central ideas – the 3 C's:

  • Consciousness – being mindful of your emotions, being self-aware so you can identify how your emotions impact others.
  • Compassion – being empathetic towards others. Having the ability to identify with and understand the wants, needs, and viewpoints of those around you.
  • Connectedness – the ability to get on with others. It's usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills, another sign of high emotional intelligence.

Although "regular" intelligence is important to success in life, emotional intelligence is key to relating well to others and achieving your goals. Many people believe that it is at least as important as regular intelligence, and many companies now use emotional intelligence testing to hire new staff.

Emotional intelligence is an awareness of your actions and feelings – and how they affect those around you. It also means that you value others, listen to their wants and needs, and are able to empathize or identify with them on many different levels.

Goleman, D. (1995). ' Emotional Intelligence - Why it Can Matter More Than IQ .' London: Bantam.

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Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Mia Belle Frothingham

Author, Researcher, Science Communicator

BA with minors in Psychology and Biology, MRes University of Edinburgh

Mia Belle Frothingham is a Harvard University graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in Sciences with minors in biology and psychology

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Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to perceive, understand, and manage one’s own emotions and relationships. It involves being aware of emotions in oneself and others and using this awareness to guide thinking and behavior. Emotionally intelligent individuals can motivate themselves, read social cues, and build strong relationships

Some researchers propose that emotional intelligence can be learned and strengthened, while others argue it is an inborn characteristic.

The ability to express and manage emotions is essential, but so is the ability to understand, diagnose, and react to the emotions of others. Imagine a world in which one could not understand when a friend felt sad or a classmate was angry.

Brain and heart on a wooden balance scale.

Why is Emotional Intelligence Critical?

Emotional Intelligence is the “ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior” (Salovey and Mayer, 1990).

Having a higher level of emotional intelligence allows one to empathize with others, communicate effectively, and be both self and socially aware. How people respond to themselves and others impacts all types of environments.

Living in this world signifies interacting with many diverse kinds of individuals and constant change with life-changing surprises.

Being emotionally intelligent is key to how one reacts to what life throws. It is furthermore a fundamental element of compassion and comprehending the deeper reasons behind other people’s actions.

It is not the most intelligent people who are the most prosperous or the most fulfilled in life. Many people are academically genius and yet are socially incompetent and unsuccessful in their careers or their intimate relationships.

Intellectual ability or intelligence quotient (IQ) is not enough on its own to achieve success in life. Undoubtedly, IQ can help one get into university, but your Emotional Intelligence (EI) will help one manage stress and emotions when facing final exams.

IQ and EI exist in tandem and are most influential when they build off one another.

Emotional intelligence is also valuable for leaders who set the tone of their organization. If leaders lack emotional intelligence , it could have more far-reaching consequences, resulting in lower worker engagement and a higher turnover rate.

While one might excel at one’s job technically, if one cannot effectively communicate with one’s team or collaborate with others, those specialized skills will get neglected.

By mastering emotional intelligence, one can positively impact anywhere and continue to advance one’s position and career in life. EI is vital when dealing with stressful situations like confrontation, change, and obstacles.

Emotional intelligence helps one build stronger relationships, succeed at work or school, and achieve one’s career and personal goals, as well as reduce group stress, defuse conflict, and enhance job satisfaction.

It can also help connect with one’s inner feelings, turn purpose into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to oneself.

During these times, it is essential to remember to practice kindness, and being in touch with our emotions can help us do just that.

Examples of Emotional Intelligence

How does one become emotionally intelligent? Below we will discuss what one can do to learn to improve the skills that are behind emotional intelligence (EI).

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize the meanings of emotions and to reason and problem-solve based on them (Mayer, Caruso, & Salovey, 1999).

By working on and improving these skills, one can become more emotionally intelligent and, therefore, more successful!

Emotional Intelligence Components

Emotional Awareness and Understanding

Self-awareness, or the ability to recognize and comprehend one’s own emotions, is a vital emotional intelligence skill. Beyond acknowledging one’s feelings, however, is being conscious of the effect of one’s actions, moods, and emotions on other people.

According to research by Tasha Eurich, an organizational psychologist, 95% of individuals believe they are self-aware. Still, only 10 to 15 percent genuinely are, which can cause problems for the people one interacts with.

Being with people who are not self-aware can be frustrating and lead to increased stress and decreased encouragement.

To become self-aware, one must be capable of monitoring one’s emotions while recognizing different emotional reactions and correctly identifying each distinct emotion.

Self-aware individuals also can recognize the connections between the things they feel and how they act.

These individuals also acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses, are open to new data and experiences, and learn from their exchanges with others.

Furthermore, people who maintain self-awareness have a fine sense of humor, are confident in themselves and their capabilities, and know how others perceive them.

Here are some tips on improving one’s self-awareness:

Ask for constructive feedback from others.

Keep a journal of one’s thoughts and feelings.

Practice mindfulness – try meditating.

Pay careful attention to one’s thoughts and emotions.

Pursue one’s passions and do what makes one happy.

Learn new skills and set goals for oneself.

Reflect on one’s experiences and be grateful.

Use positive self-talk daily.

Work on building a growth mindset.

Emotional Self Regulation (Managing Emotions)

In addition to being aware of one’s own emotions and the impact one has on others, emotional intelligence requires one to regulate and manage one’s emotions .

This does not mean taking emotions out of sight and essentially “locking” them away, hence hiding one’s true feelings. It just means waiting for the right time and place to express them. Self-regulation is all about communicating one’s emotions appropriately in context. A reaction tends to be involuntary.

The more in tune one is with one’s emotional intelligence, the easier one can transition from an instant reaction to a well-thought-out response. It is crucial to remember to pause, breathe, compose oneself, and do what it takes to manage one’s emotions.

This could mean anything to oneself, like taking a walk or talking to a friend, so that one can more appropriately and intentionally respond to tension and adversity.

Those proficient in self-regulation tend to be flexible and acclimate well to change. They are also suitable for handling conflict and diffusing uncomfortable or difficult situations.

People with healthy self-regulation skills also tend to have heightened conscientiousness. They reflect on how they influence others and take accountability for their actions.

Here are some tips on improving one’s self-regulation:

Look at challenges as opportunities.

Be mindful of thoughts and feelings.

Build distress and anxiety tolerance skills.

Work on accepting reflections and emotions.

Find ways to manage difficult emotions.

Practice communication and social skills.

Recognize that one has a choice in how one responds.

Use cognitive reframing to change emotional responses and thought patterns.

Social Empathy (Perceiving Emotions)

Empathy , or the capability to comprehend how other people are feeling, is crucial to perfecting emotional intelligence.

However, it involves more than just being able to identify the emotional states of others. It also affects one’s responses to people based on this knowledge.

How does one respond when one senses someone is feeling sad or hopeless? One might treat them with extra care and consideration, or one might make a push to lift their mood.

Being empathetic also allows one to understand the authority dynamics that frequently influence social relationships, especially in the workplace.

This is essential for guiding one’s daily interactions with various people. In fact, it is found that empathy ranks as the number one leadership skill.

Leaders proficient in empathy perform more than 40% higher in coaching, engaging others, and decision-making. In a different study, researchers found that leaders who show more empathy toward their co-workers and constructive criticism are viewed as better performers by their supervisors.

Those competent in this element can recognize who maintains power in different relationships. They also understand how these forces impact feelings and behaviors. Because of this, they can accurately analyze different situations that hinge on such power dynamics.

Here are some tips on improving social empathy:

Be willing to share emotions.

Listen to other people.

Practice meditation.

Engage in a purpose like a community project.

Meet and talk to new people.

Try to imagine yourself in someone else’s place.

Social Skills (Using Emotions)

The ability to interact well with others is another vital aspect of emotional intelligence. Solid social skills allow people to build meaningful relationships with others and develop a more robust understanding of themselves and others.

Proper emotional understanding involves more than just understanding one’s own emotions and those of others. One also needs to put this information to work in one’s daily interactions and communications.

In the workplace or professional settings, managers benefit by being able to build relationships and connections with employees.

Workers benefit from developing a solid rapport with leaders and co-workers. Some prefer to avoid conflict, but it is crucial to address issues as they arise correctly.

Research shows that every unaddressed conflict can waste almost eight hours of company time on unproductive activities, damaging resources and morale. Essential social skills include active listening , verbal communication, nonverbal communication, leadership , and persuasiveness.

Here are some tips on improving social skills:

Ask open-ended questions.

Find icebreakers that will help start conversations.

Practice good eye contact.

Practice active listening with the entire body.

Notice other people’s social skills.

Show interest in others and ask them personal questions.

Watch one’s body language and that of others.

In The Workplace

Emotional intelligence includes showing genuine compassion, empathizing with the needs of individuals, and encouraging the ongoing personal growth of individuals.

When a leader takes into account the emotions of their followers, they then learn how to best engage with them.

1. Lending a Compassionate Ear to a Frustrated Co-Worker

Employees will inevitably get upset, have bad moods, argue, and just generally have bad days. In practice, compassion, understanding, and awareness are definite signs of emotional intelligence.

Awareness of and reacting to other people’s emotional states shows an understanding that all humans experience intense emotions and says that a person’s feelings matter.

2. Listening to Others Respectfully

Ever been to a conference when it seems like everyone is speaking over each other, trying to get the last word?

This is not only an indication of egos taking over and a lack of consideration for others; these are also indications of there being a lack of emotional intelligence.

When individuals are allowed to speak, and others listen without persistent interruptions, it is a good sign of EI. It shows reciprocal respect between parties and is more likely to lead to a productive conclusion in meetings.

3. Being Flexible

Flexibility is a critical term in organizations today. Building flexibility into how people function can be the difference between keeping the best workers and drifting out the door.

Emotionally intelligent leaders comprehend the changing needs of others and are ready to work with them rather than attempting to impose rigid restrictions on how people go about their work.

They do not expect everyone to work the hours they do, hold the same priorities, or live by precisely the same values.

In Healthcare

1. being patient with hurting individuals.

When in healthcare, it is expected that doctors and nurses will have to manage people in pain. Emotional intelligence not only allows for better patient care but also for better self-care.

For instance, if a patient is lashing out, and one can see that they are in pain, one will be far less likely to take their combativeness personally and treat them better.

2. Acting as the Effective Leader

In healthcare, there is a necessity to have influential leaders, a trusting environment with a helpful team, critical thinking, and quality patient and family-centered care.

A higher emotional intelligence will allow healthcare professionals to respond and react better to patients. Studies have shown a correlation between emotional intelligence and positive patient outcomes.

3. Responding Better to Stressful Situations

Multiple occasions in healthcare involve an urgent situation involving a life or death scenario. Doctors and nurses must check their own emotions.

Being in healthcare is a highly emotional career, and being aware of your feelings when they come up is key to effective self-care.

Interacting with patients can cause overwhelming joy or deep sadness, and these fluctuations can be utterly exhausting.

The ability to deal with these feelings, take breaks, and ask for help when you need it is another example of good emotional intelligence that nurses should practice.

Tips for Improving EI

Be more self-aware.

Awareness of one’s emotions and emotional responses to others can significantly improve one’s emotional intelligence. Knowing when one is feeling anxious or angry can help process and communicate those feelings in a way that promotes healthy results.

Recognize how others feel

Emotional intelligence could start with self-reflection, but measuring how others perceive one’s behavior and communication is essential. Adjusting one’s message based on how one is being received is an integral part of being emotionally intelligent.

Practice active listening

People communicate verbally and nonverbally, so listening and monitoring for potentially positive and negative reactions is essential. Taking the time to hear others also demonstrates a level of respect that can form the basis for healthy relationships.

Communicate clearly

Solid communication skills are critical for emotional intelligence. Knowing what to express or write and when to offer information is crucial for building strong relationships.

For instance, as a manager in a work environment, communicating expectations and goals is required to keep everyone on the same page.

Stay positive

A positive attitude is incredibly infectious. Emotionally intelligent people comprehend the power of positive words, encouraging emails, and friendly gestures. When one can also remain positive in a stressful situation, one can help others stay calm. It can also encourage further problem-solving and collaboration.

Thinking about how others might be feeling is an essential quality of emotional intelligence. It means you can empathize with feelings that one may not be feeling oneself and respond in a way that is respectful and relaxing to others.

Be open-minded

Emotionally intelligent people are comfortable to approach because they are good listeners and can consider and understand other viewpoints. They are also receptive to learning new things and embracing novel ideas.

Listen to feedback

It is essential to be the type of person who can hear feedback, whether it is positive on a recent presentation or more critical advice on how you should commission tasks more efficiently.

Being receptive to feedback means taking responsibility for one’s actions and being willing to improve how one communicates with others.

Stay calm under pressure

It is essential to approach stressful situations with a calm and positive attitude. Pressures can quickly escalate, primarily when people are operating under deadlines, so keeping steady and concentrating on finding a solution will help everyone complete their goals.

History of Emotional Intelligence

In the 1930s, psychologist Edward Thorndike explained the concept of “social intelligence” as the ability to get along with other individuals.

During the 1940s, psychologist David Wechsler suggested that different practical elements of intelligence could play a critical role in how successful people are in life.

In the 1950s, the school of thought was known as humanistic psychology, and scholars such as Abraham Maslow concentrated attention on how people could build emotional strength.

Another critical concept to arise in the development of emotional intelligence was the concept of multiple intelligences . This idea was put forth in the mid-1970s by Howard Gardner, presenting the idea that intelligence was more than just a single, broad capacity.

Emotional intelligence did not come into our vernacular until around 1990. The term “emotional intelligence” was first utilized in 1985 as it was presented in a doctoral dissertation by Wayne Payne.

In 1987, there was an article written by Keith Beasley and published in Mensa Magazine that used the term emotional quotient or EQ.

Then in 1990, psychologists John Mayer and Peter Salovey published their milestone article, Emotional Intelligence , in the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality .

They described emotional intelligence as the capability to monitor one’s and others’ feelings and emotions, discriminate among them, and use this knowledge to guide one’s thinking and actions.

Salovey and Mayer also initiated a research study to develop accurate measures of emotional intelligence and explore its significance. For example, they found in one investigation that when a group of people saw an upsetting film, those who ranked high on emotional clarity, or the ability to recognize and label a mood that is being experienced, recovered more quickly.

In a different study, people who scored higher in the ability to perceive accurately, understand and appraise others’ emotions were sufficiently capable of responding flexibly to changes in their social environments and building supportive social networks.

But despite it being a relatively new term, attraction to the concept has grown tremendously. In 1995, the concept of emotional intelligence was popularized after the publication of Daniel Goleman’s book  Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is emotional intelligence important in the workplace.

Researchers have indicated that emotional intelligence influences how excellently employees interact with their colleagues, and EI is also considered to play a role in how employees manage stress and conflict.

It also affects overall performance on the job. Other studies have connected emotional intelligence with job satisfaction.

Studies have shown that workers with higher scores on measures of EI also tend to be ranked higher on criteria of interpersonal functioning, leadership abilities, and stress management.

While standard intelligence was associated with leadership success, it alone was not enough. People who are prosperous at work are not just brilliant; they also have a high EI.

But emotional intelligence is not simply for CEOs and senior executives.

It is a quality that is essential at every level of a person’s career, from university students looking for internships to seasoned workers hoping to take on a leadership role.

Emotional intelligence is critical to success if one wants to succeed in the workplace and move up the career ladder.

Can emotional intelligence be taught?

As it turns out, the question whether emotional intelligence can be learned is not a straightforward one to answer.

Some psychologists and researchers claim that emotional intelligence is a skill that is not quickly learned or improved. Other psychologists and researchers, though, believe it can be improved with practice.

One key to improving EI is sustained practice – especially in high-stakes situations. Referring back to the above tips, one could read them and say those guidelines are pretty straightforward.

But, the challenging task is to do these practices in real-time and consistently. It takes practice to develop these skills. Then as you acquire them, you have to rehearse them under stress.

Can emotional intelligence be measured?

Several different assessments have arisen to gauge levels of emotional intelligence. These trials typically fall into one of two types: self-report tests and ability tests.

Self-report tests are the most abundant because they are the quickest to administer and score. Respondents respond to questions or statements on such tests by rating their behaviors.

For example, on a comment such as “I sense that I understand how others are feeling,” a test-taker might describe the statement as strongly agree, somewhat agree, somewhat disagree, or strongly disagree.

On the other hand, ability tests involve people responding to situations and assessing their skills. These tests often require people to demonstrate their abilities, which a third party rates.

If one is taking an emotional intelligence trial issued by a mental health professional, here are two measures that could be used: Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT) and the Emotional and Social Competency Inventory (ESCI).

What is the dark side of emotional intelligence?

The dark side of emotional intelligence is using one’s understanding of emotions manipulatively, to deceive, control, or exploit others.

High emotional intelligence can mask hidden agendas, enabling insincere charm or feigned empathy, potentially leading to deceitful or self-serving actions.

Boyatzis, R. E., & Goleman, D. (2011). Emotional and social competency inventory (ESCI): A user guide for accredited practitioners.  Retrieved December ,  17 , 2019.

Eurich, T. (2018). What self-awareness really is (and how to cultivate it).  Harvard Business Review , 1-9.

Gardner, H. E. (2000). Intelligence reframed: Multiple intelligences for the 21st century . Hachette UK.

Goleman, D. (1996).  Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ . Bloomsbury Publishing.

Mayer, J. D., Caruso, D. R., & Salovey, P. (1999). Emotional intelligence meets traditional standards for an intelligence.  Intelligence, 27 (4), 267-298.

Mayer, J. D., & Salovey, P. (1993). The intelligence of emotional intelligence.  Intelligence, 17 (4), 433-442.

Mayer, J. D., & Salovey, P. (2007).  Mayer-Salovery-Caruso emotional intelligence test . Toronto: Multi-Health Systems Incorporated.

Payne, W. L. (1985). A study of emotion: developing emotional intelligence; self-integration; relating to fear, pain and desire.

Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence .  Imagination, cognition and personality ,  9 (3), 185-211.

Thorndike, R. L., & Stein, S. (1937). An evaluation of the attempts to measure social intelligence.  Psychological Bulletin ,  34 (5), 275.

Wechsler, D., & Kodama, H. (1949).  Wechsler intelligence scale for children  (Vol. 1). New York: Psychological corporation.

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25 emotional intelligence activities for happy and productive teams

assignment 08 quiz developing emotional intelligence

Working together to create a happy and thriving workplace starts by improving emotional intelligence. When groups are better aligned and equipped with clear communication skills, teams feel valued and supported. The benefits of observing and working with our emotions are huge and result in less conflict and a better understanding of one another.

In this article, we’ll discuss the importance of emotional intelligence for groups and explore 25 emotional intelligence activities to help build our skills, creating a more positive work environment.

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Self-improvement efforts and exploring ways to become more emotionally intelligent are at an all-time high. I thought it was just me who geeked out on Daniel Goleman, but according to this a rticle , 94% of Millennials were working on some form of self-improvement. Self-awareness, effective communication and empathy skills are all valuable character traits we can actually develop and improve.

Burnout, miscommunication, and workplace conflicts can impact employee happiness, even affecting turnover. This can be avoided by having better conversations and collaborating to constructively resolve issues as they arise. By understanding ourselves and others better, we become more resilient to challenges and feel more emotionally connected with our team. 

In this guide, we’ll primarily focus on developing skills in the context of a work environment, these relationship skills, and emotional intelligence activities can also be applied to our personal lives as well. Together we’ll look at:

What is Emotional Intelligence?

  • Why is Emotional Intelligence important in the workplace?

How to Build Emotional Intelligence for Teams

Activities to improve self-awareness, activities for better self-management, exercises to build empathy, exercises to improve our communication skills.

  • Emotional Intelligence games for better Group Dynamics

So what is Emotional Intelligence? 

Like you, I was curious to research how we could understand our own emotional intelligence to build better relationships. Understanding our basic emotions helps social awareness, and objectively identify emotions before acting. I read Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More than IQ , considered to be a key text on the topic. Goleman is seen as the founder of Emotional Intelligence, however, the term itself was defined by Salovey and Mayer as:

“the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and action.” Salovey & Mayer

Goleman goes a little further in his definition, and outlines the skills of emotional intelligence as being able:

  • to motivate oneself and persist in the face of frustrations
  • to control impulse and delay gratification 
  • to regulate one’s moods and keep distress from swamping the ability to think; 
  • to empathize 
  • to hope 

The first three abilities: motivation, self-regulation and the self-imposed delay of gratification come under emotional self-management, which can aid us in achieving our goals, whether it be building a business, writing a blog post, or running a marathon.

My favorite definition is the simplest. The Cambridge dictionary defines emotional intelligence as: “the ability to understand the way people feel and react and to use this skill to make good judgments and to avoid or solve problems.” Emotional Intelligence is a set of skills that can, in most people, be improved.

Improvement in emotional intelligence could be by adapting the way you communicate, considering how your point will be heard. An example of this is understanding the difference between assertiveness and aggression when setting firm boundaries.

Why is Emotional Intelligence important in the workplace? 

Work is an emotional subject. It has the power to affect our mood positively or negatively and impacts our health and relationships. Organizations that expect emotions to be left at the office door can create an unhealthy separation between being human and being productive. Undervaluing empathic employees in this way means missing out on beneficial soft skills that produce higher productivity, connection, and trust within teams.

Recently, more businesses are championing qualities like openness and active communication, recognizing that these skills are an asset to business productivity. A great leader sees the value in aligning people to work towards a common goal. They approach this by cultivating an emotionally inclusive work environment, resulting in a less stressed and more productive team.

Caring for our teams isn’t a tick-box exercise of fruit bowls, desk yoga, and “Wellness Wednesdays” – although I wouldn’t say no to desk yoga. We take active involvement in improving communication by understanding our emotions and how they affect our actions.

Finding better ways to communicate with our colleagues will result in meaningful contributions to our team and a thriving workplace. Similarly, if we can recognize areas for growth and align with our personal motivations, we are more likely to fulfill our career goals. 

Goleman’s book was written in 1995, and points out that,

“Almost three out of four executives see EI as a “must-have” skill for the workplace in the future as the automatizing of routine tasks bumps up against the impossibility of creating effective AI for activities that require emotional skill” Daniel Goleman

That future he speaks of is very much here, and developing emotional intelligence in the workplace is a necessity for a productive and healthy team. 

The context of the emotional intelligence group activities outlined in this article is to develop our emotional quotient to guide us in taking a personal commitment to work better as part of a team. We focus on specific areas of your team’s development, which are based on Goleman’s Five Categories of Emotional Intelligence to improve team cohesion:

  • Self-awareness (knowing one’s emotions)
  • Self-management (managing feelings, including how to stay motivated!)
  • Empathy (identifying, understanding and empathizing with others)
  • Communication (identifying blockers, listening, expressing feelings and thoughts proactively)
  • Group Dynamics (team dynamics, organizational vision, roles and responsibilities, build team norms)

When choosing group activities focused on building a team’s emotional intelligence, it’s important to have a facilitator who understands them. The facilitator should also have the fundamental skills related to group cohesion and be able to spot any conflicts, or issues prior to running the activity. Not everyone will feel ready to contribute, which the facilitator and group must respect. 

It’s important to develop creative ways for the team to achieve their goals of understanding different emotions and developing emotional intelligence. If they are working on improving communication and emotional connection, you could select listening activities to help deliver their purpose. Identifying any risk levels in regard to self-disclosure is essential to creating a space of trust that means everyone can develop their own emotional intelligence.

Setting boundaries at the start of a workshop is vital to keep the conversation contained within that space. Emotional intelligence exercises explore deep aspects of people’s lives, especially in identifying and sharing so many emotions. Participants need to feel safe to share without judgment in a group setting. 

So, why do we have emotions and how do we become more self-aware?

Here comes the science. The amygdala is the part of the brain responsible for identifying emotions based on our body’s physical sensations. Then it stores these as memories so that when our body experiences similar sensitivities in the future, the amygdala recognizes it as an emotion. It lives in a very primal part of our brain, vital for our evolutionary existence. 

Emotional intelligence starts by knowing and recognizing your own feelings. Emotions may not always feel positive, but they do serve a positive purpose. They are our mind and body’s way of communicating to try to push us to take positive, helpful action in response to something that has happened, is happening or could happen. Simply put, emotions are impulses to act.

The following emotional intelligence activities help teams identify and understand emotions, with greater context and nuance. There is also a workshop template with an Action Plan and Presentation specifically designed to improve self-awareness. These exercises will help people communicate their emotions, and practice self-awareness within their team, allowing for much better understanding and group cohesiveness.

Weather Check-In

Who you are, when i feel, the feeling wheel, i used to think…but now i think….

Checking in with ourselves and communicating our feelings to our teams is the first step to becoming self-aware. The way we feel emotions differs from person to person and understanding this can not only help develop self-awareness but also build empathy for how others are feeling.

As an example, Gill Hasson asks in her book Emotional Intelligence Pocketbook, Little Exercises for an Intuitive Life .  “When someone says ‘I’m happy ’ – what sort of ‘happy’ are you?” The word happy has a bouncy, uplifting feeling for some people. For others, happiness might mean feeling calm with zero stress, or a zen-like feeling.

The exercise, Weather Check-In uses the weather as a metaphor to describe our feelings. This way, our emotions become relatable, and people can be more honest about their feelings within a safe container. You may want to use this exercise at the beginning and end of a workshop to compare any changes.

Weather Check-in   #zoom   #virtual   #opening   #listening and awareness   #self-awareness   #teambuilding   Each person describes how they are feeling in terms of a weather system.    

Knowing ourselves is a multi-faceted process, and we have different ways to describe ourselves, varying from day-to-day, who we are with, and what we are doing. Our emotions and moods are changeable. Our personalities may differ or even mirror the people we are surrounded by. So, “Who Are You?” can have a spectrum of answers.

Who You Are is a creative approach to self-discovery where we create personal fanzines or narratives and collages that reflect our personality in response to the question “Who Are You?” The exercise starts with a paired meditation, taking it in turns, with one person asking “Who Are You?” and the partner giving a different response each time. Our variety of answers helps the participants to create a collage or mini-zine expressing their personal narratives. 

It’s okay that we have a spectrum of answers, this exercise helps us accept that we are multi-dimensional people. We can become more self-aware of how we act in different situations with different people and understand better why that might be.

Who you are   #identity   #emotions   The activity is aimed to create personal fanzines, a collage method for auto-narrative and self-discovery.

When we can recognize our feelings, we can register what our responses to these emotions might typically be. As we identify that emotions are impulses to act, we can consider how our inner feelings cause us to react or to take certain actions, and if these are similar to how others act.

In this activity, everyone begins by checking in with their own emotions. The facilitator may tie this in with another exercise, such as a meditation, or emotional vocabulary task to help aid the participants in better identifying their inner state. One person shares how they are feeling, and then calls someone’s name. The second person shares what they do to express that feeling, or what actions they might take. 

The goal is to listen and become aware of how we are feeling. We can understand ourselves and see how we might act when we feel that way. Do other people react to feelings in the same way we might?

"When I feel…"   #zoom   #virtual   #teambuilding   #listening and awareness   #self-awareness   #opening   #closing   People take turns sharing how they feel and stating what they do when they feel the way someone else is feeling. 

By developing our emotional vocabulary we can check in with ourselves and can better pinpoint the right words to express different feelings. American psychologist Robert Plutchik , mapped eight primary emotions: anger, fear, sadness, disgust, surprise, anticipation, trust, and joy. These emotions were believed to be imperative to keeping our early ancestors alive.

Using the Feeling Wheel created by Plutchik, you can use this exercise to explore your own emotions with deeper nuance and improve your emotional intelligence. The visual guide allows us to group similar emotions together, and discuss the differences. In this activity, we check in with ourselves and share how we feel with each other using the wheel and adding any relevant context.

The simplicity of this exercise allows for easy modifications, for example, creating scenarios and characters to imagine what human emotions would be felt. A group may create a dictionary of different feelings going far beyond the five basic emotions. Variations of the emotions can be used, for example, the universal human needs used in nonviolent communication workshops.

The Feeling Wheel   #emotional intelligence   #self-awareness   #icebreaker   #team building   #remote-friendly   By growing our emotional vocabulary, we can better identify our emotions, and check in with ourselves. Doing so can help bring a level of self-awareness, and a better understanding of others.

Part of improving our self-awareness is that we recognize that our feelings can be mutable. For example, we receive a short, bluntly worded email and this snippet of information causes us to feel anxious. Later, with more clarity, we’re given more context that the person was just in a rush, so we no longer feel anxious.

In this exercise, the participants are asked to complete two sentences: “I used to think…” and “Now I think…” This might be a private consideration, or the group could share their thoughts, collating them together on a whiteboard.

We identify that feelings and opinions can change with more knowledge and social context. By looking at the world through another’s eyes, our thoughts may change as a result of these learnings. The exercise works well as a reflective self-awareness activity after working to empathize and communicate with others.

I used to think…But now I think…   #teampedia   #review   #debriefing   #team   A simple but effective closing activity that could lead to identify the learning point or outcomes for participants and measure the change in their behavior, mindset or opinion regarding the subject.

Once we have identified our own emotions, our next step is to recognize how we might react and if that is the most appropriate and useful action. Handling feelings is an important part of self-management, and by mastering this skill, we are able to pick ourselves up when life throws us a curveball.

You may be familiar with Parkinson’s Law? It’s the saying that work expands to fill the time allotted for its completion. Procrastination has definitely crept up on me when I’ve sat down to complete a task. An important essay is due and suddenly it seems very important to clean my apartment first! Nowadays, I’m better equipped with self-motivation, my favorite technique being the Pomodoro technique , and using the Plan Your Pomodoro exercise .

The following collection of emotional intelligence activities encourages teams to build self-motivation and learn to better manage their own emotions. Self-motivation is essential in the workplace for achieving the goals and tasks we’ve set out to accomplish. By overcoming procrastination we can hone our ability to focus and get into the “flow” state that creates the right environment for us to work effectively. 

Leadership Pizza

Letter to myself, everyday hassles, object meditation, plan your pomodoro.

A goal-setting exercise can work really well as a tool to improve our self-management and our motivation. Firstly, we can reflect on our current qualities by doing a self-assessment, and then identify areas of improvement, along with a timescale of when we want to see a difference.

Leadership Pizza is a tried and tested exercise that can be adapted and molded to suit leaders and team members anywhere within the company structure. Firstly, like a blank canvas, participants can identify skills, qualities, and characteristics they find important in being an effective part of the group. They can then assess their ability in that area, and create goals to become more emotionally intelligent members.

Leadership Pizza   #leadership   #team   #remote-friendly   This leadership development activity offers a self-assessment framework for people to first identify what skills, attributes and attitudes they find important for effective leadership, and then assess their own development and initiate goal setting.

Writing is often a very cathartic process to understand our own emotions and consider perspectives that allow us to see things more clearly. From a goal-setting perspective, writing our ambitions down in detail can help cement the ideas and serve as a visual cue. Forbes has an article on the neuroscience behind this.

‘Manifestation’ is having its moment and whilst that might be a good place to start, goals without taking action rarely materialize. A Letter to Myself exercise works similarly, team members can focus on key actions they’d like their future selves to take, and their motivations behind these goals. The facilitator might suggest prompts such as:

  • What will I achieve by X date?
  • What will I do tomorrow, next week, next month?
  • How do I feel now about my work/job/team? And how do I want my future self to feel?
  • Don’t forget…
  • I want to change… because

Goleman mentions in his book on Emotional Intelligence, “People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives, having a surer sense of how they really feel about personal decisions from whom to marry, to what job to take.”

Letter to Myself   #hyperisland   #action   #remote-friendly   Often done at the end of a workshop or program, the purpose of this exercise is to support participants in applying their insights and learnings, by writing a letter and sending it to their future selves. They can define key actions that they would like their future self to take, and express their reasons why change needs to happen.

We often have built-in responses to stressful situations that we repeatedly do and on occasions, regret. Our knee-jerk reactions can also cause friction with others and can create conflict with our team members. By identifying and challenging how we respond, we can adapt better to future situations.

Everyday Hassles is an activity that reframes our approach to inconvenient situations. Things that might crop up in everyday life, such as being stuck in a traffic jam, can cause us to feel negative about the disruption to our plan. By thinking of alternative, more positive solutions, the group can change their mindset towards everyday annoyances, seeing them as opportunities.

The key takeaway from the exercise is that teams can see how they can control their emotional reactions, take ownership over their responses and better manage stress.

Everyday Hassles   #issue resolution   #issue analysis   #stress management   #thiagi   It is a great activity to show participants that it is plausible to change our automatic behaviours and reactions to annoying situations.

Meditation exercises are useful emotional intelligence tools to help us manage our own temperament. The great thing about meditation is that it can be done almost anywhere – with our eyes open or closed. The important part is to notice how we feel emotionally, mentally and physically. Like a car has its MOT, we can use meditation in a similar way for ourselves.

We make meditation accessible by checking in with how we are feeling and using an object as a vessel to visualize letting go of what doesn’t serve us right now. It’s useful to allow the team the option to fully let their emotions go, and leave their body, or that they can ‘collect’ them again from the object later on. It’s useful to recognize that although emotions can feel negative, we can choose to view them as potential impulses to act. 

Allow the participants to choose which emotions they wish to take into the workshop. Most will pick positive emotions, such as feeling energized or relaxed, but some might take a shard of anger or sadness to address that ‘negative’ emotion within the meeting. 

Object Meditation   #icebreaker   #meditation   #emotional intelligence   #managing emotions   #check-in   #self-awareness   A focused meditation to become present and aware. We accept our feelings, leaving behind what we doesn’t serve us right now. A ideal way to open a workshop or team meeting.

If you have the concentration of a goldfish, it might be worth exploring some self-management strategies like the Pomodoro technique. Francesco Cirillo developed this simple and effective method involving setting a timer for 25 minutes to focus on a task, and then taking a 5-minute break. Every 25 minutes is called a Pomodoro (Italian for tomato) because he used a tomato-shaped timer to measure his time slots. After 4 Pomodoros, we take a longer break.

This planning exercise is centered around this technique to plan our day ahead into smaller, more manageable chunks. The facilitator can explain the Pomodoro technique, and emphasize its successes. We start the task by creating a to-do list and breaking it down into Pomodoros which we share with the group. We can reflect on how optimistic we may have been with our to-do list and share any wins and struggles. 

Emotional intelligence skills help us become flexible enough to find different ways to arrive at our goals and having the sense to break a task into smaller, manageable pieces. By repeating this process, we become more responsible and have a better ability to focus on the task at hand. The results are deeper concentration and improved self-control.

Plan Your Pomodoro   #self-management   #emotional intelligence   #productivity   #time management   Using the Pomodoro technique, this is an exercise to prepare your day by breaking it down into digestible chunks. Say goodbye to procrastination!

Empathy is the ability to recognize emotions in others, and the awareness of differences in the intensity of how people feel, process and act on emotions. Edward Diener, a psychologist, created a scale to record how intensely people experience and react to emotions. Just as we don’t all recognize color in the same way, we all experience and react to emotions differently. 

Interestingly, he found that we feel more content when we are able to pick up on subtle social signals that indicate what others feel and need. When we work together as an emotionally intelligent team and understand that every emotion has value and significance, we are happier and more fulfilled. Teams need to productively build trust and understanding to support and rely on others.

Heard, Seen, Respected

Strength building exercise, i’ll take that fear, paired walk, simple ethnography.

Building our empathic skills starts with listening, understanding and respecting people’s stories. We create empathy by putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes and feeling how they might feel in a certain situation.

In this exercise, we can practice deep listening and empathy by working in pairs. One person is invited to tell a story of a time when they didn’t feel heard, seen or respected. The other person’s job is to listen deeply, and not try to fix or judge the situation. At the end of the storytelling, each person reflects on how they felt from their perspective, whether they were listening or speaking.

Active listening exercises help us build empathy, and create a safe space for conversation allowing people to feel heard and understood. We create an environment where we respect one another without judgment, and by relating to how they might feel.

Heard, Seen, Respected (HSR)   #issue analysis   #empathy   #communication   #liberating structures   #remote-friendly   You can foster the empathetic capacity of participants to “walk in the shoes” of others. Many situations do not have immediate answers or clear resolutions. Recognizing these situations and responding with empathy can improve the “cultural climate” and build trust among group members. HSR helps individuals learn to respond in ways that do not overpromise or overcontrol. It helps members of a group notice unwanted patterns and work together on shifting to more productive interactions. Participants experience the practice of more compassion and the benefits it engenders.

An empathic environment is a space where people feel safe and confident to speak up and share. By building up others, we support their wins, celebrate their successes and create a positive place for our teams to thrive.

This strength-building exercise encourages a participant to share their experience of a time when they felt they had achieved something good. The rest of the team listens to the story and takes turns to share two or three strengths they must have used to achieve their goal. All strengths are noted down, and the storyteller may take this strength and share it aloud, for example, “I am determined”.

The outcome is that teams can share their appreciation of others by highlighting their strengths and building their self-esteem. It builds trust within groups and shows the power of good storytelling to build empathy and assurance.

Strength Building exercise   #team   #appreciation   #self esteem   #remote-friendly   People develop confidence and self esteem as they discover that their achievements and skills are valuable. This is an exercise for team building and for increasing self esteem and mutual trust.

Vulnerability and trust go hand in hand and can be developed between teams and partners over time. It can be challenging to feel safe enough to be open with other people, but by showing support, and listening to others without judgment, we can encourage a safe space.

I’ll Take that Fear is an exercise that helps people share their fears and doubts, and reframe them, whilst being heard and supported by others. The group starts by taking a moment to think of a great friend, mentor or supporter they have in their lives, they then re-name themselves with their own name first, and then the name of the person they have in mind, for example, “Carrin-Lisa”.

When that person shares a fear or doubt, a second team member offers “I’ll take that fear”, and asks “What would Lisa say?” encouraging the person to reframe their doubt, by considering someone else’s perspective. It’s a great way to encourage teams to listen and to think of their doubts differently.

I'll take that fear   #trust   #courage   #fear   #authenticity   #psychological safety   #remote-friendly   #zoom   #online   #empathy   #feedback   #perspectives   #problem solving   #coaching   People share a fear, it is received by another, and then they are asked to share the advice that a trusted mentor or friend would give them.

When managing our emotions, heading outside for a solo walk can work wonders for letting off steam, or taking some time to step away from a situation. Being outside allows us to refresh and connect with nature. Meeting a friend and walking side-by-side can help us communicate and express our ideas and thoughts much more freely, with more casual eye contact than if we were sitting opposite each other in a café.

The paired walk is a simple and effective way to connect with another person, and its benefits are multiple: increasing trust, empathy and communication – all whilst energizing our bodies and refreshing our minds. This exercise involves pairing up, ideally with someone they don’t know as well, and taking a walk outside for an allotted amount of time.

You might suggest a topic for participants to discuss, such as gratitude, and share what they are grateful for. Or it’s often best to just let the conversation flow naturally allowing as little or as much detail, as an informal everyday conversation out in nature. Maybe you’ll take your next meeting outside? Or conduct a 1-1 that way?

Paired walk   #issue resolution   #outdoor   #team   #active listening   #hybrid-friendly   Inviting a paired walk is surprisingly effective in its simplicity. Going for a walk together increases trust and can help prepare the terrain for conflict resolution, while acting as an energizer at the same time. Make it hybrid-friendly by pairing a person in the room to one joining online!

The best way I can describe Ethnography is to imagine yourself being Louis Theroux for the day. Ethnographers observe people, and immerse themselves within that group’s local setting- be it a community or workplace, perhaps recording the experience on film, and following up with interviews.  

This exercise, Simple Ethnography suggests that a small group of people, our ‘ethnographers’, immerse themselves in a local setting, where our people with local experience go about their usual business. It’s best to frame the context by asking what is the problem we hope to solve in this exercise. The ethnographers first observe and record what they experience, either in notebooks or if consent is given, on camera. 

Afterward, a reflective interview can happen, by asking the people what they might have been thinking or feeling as they engaged in certain activities or routines. The group can finish the exercise with an emotional intelligence assessment or a story of their findings. You might use this in a workplace setting to shadow how top performers go about their day and learn from the experience; or by working alongside front-line workers to better identify team members’ strengths.

Simple Ethnography   #innovation   #issue analysis   #liberating structures   You can enable participants to find novel approaches to challenges by immersing themselves in the activities of the people with local experience—often their colleagues on the front line or anyone who uses their product or service. You open the door to change and innovation by helping participants explore what people actually do and feel in creating, delivering, or using their offering. Their observations and experience can spur rapid performance improvements and expedite prototype development. The combined observations may make it easy to spot important patterns.

Improving our communication skills allows us to be better understood, and to better understand others. Communication and the way in which we connect are said to be the key to personal and career success . We all have different ways of feeling and expressing emotions, and the same goes with communication styles. 

At SessionLab, we are a 100% remote team, and we primarily work asynchronously on Slack, using written communication. This method of communication works so well because everyone can consider their response and reply in their own time. 

Identifying everyone’s preferred ways to communicate is vital to great teamwork. This might mean having important conversations face-to-face creating a space for eye contact and body language; and by running day-to-day tasks asynchronously. Consider how the tone of voice, body language, and environment contribute to how information is received. Effective communication starts with choosing the right format for conversations so that people can feel safe and communicate openly. 

This set of emotional intelligence activities is designed to boost communication skills and they will help your team have better conversations too!

Back-Turned Feedback

Roses, buds and thorns, from silence to vibrance, open questions, seven words.

Speaking about someone behind their back damages trust, creating a loss of credibility and confidence. Plus, no one likes the town gossip! Feedback, both positive and negative, should be delivered constructively, and openly. Discussing both sides of the story helps make amends, and creates a flourishing space for the team to thrive.

In this exercise, teams do speak about someone behind their back, but that person is present in the room, and the things being discussed are positive and constructive. One person sits with their back to the room, and the others speak about them in the third person, noting their strengths and what they appreciate about them; and then what they would like more from this person.

This open method of giving feedback is essential to keep the team’s efforts on track and to learn to accept criticism. Everyone has the opportunity to be transparent about their strengths and weaknesses, and to feel supported by their fellow team members.

Back-turned Feedback   #hyperisland   #skills   #feedback   Regular, effective feedback is one of the most important ingredients in building constructive relationships and thriving teams. Openness creates trust and trust creates more openness. Feedback exercises aim to support groups to build trust and openness and for individuals to gain self-awareness and insight. Feedback exercises should always be led with thoughtfulness and high awareness of group dynamics.

Goleman notes that criticism is one of the most important tasks a manager has but is also one of the most ignored. An interactive method of delivering feedback is by giving people the space to reflect on their own performance and share with the team. They may already be aware of their strengths and weaknesses and may have a plan for where they might have gone off track.

Harry Levinson, a psychoanalyst suggests being very specific with critique, sharing what has been done well and where improvement can be made. Roses, Buds and Thorns is an exercise that gives each individual a structure for creating their own reflections. It is a simple way of sharing how tasks have gone using:

  • Roses: our successes and strengths
  • Buds: areas for development
  • Thorns: challenges
Roses, Buds and Thorns   #communication   #motivation   #strengths   #weaknesses   #discussion   #dialouge   #honesty   #teambuilding   #quick   Roses, buds, and thorns is a quick and simple team exercise that can be performed at the start of a group meeting. The idea is to evaluate a project, team task, or even your day by having each team member come up with a Rose (positive highlight), Thorn (struggle or challenge), and Bud (opportunity for improvement). The goal of this activity is to open up discussion among team members and acknowledge the strengths and weaknesses of others. This can allow you to put measures in place to do more of what’s going well, and fix what needs fixing. As well, this activity inspires creativity and debate within teams. Discussing Buds can encourage new, creative ideas to come to the fore. Finally, the activity allows you to gain insight from all members of the team as communication and honesty are important for every group!

Sometimes groups aren’t as forthcoming with communicating their thoughts. It is important to be mindful that not everyone feels safe or encouraged to share their feelings. Keep in mind that there isn’t anything wrong with silence, not every pause needs to be filled with words, and we can reframe silence as reflectiveness and thoughtfulness.

This technique is useful for groups that are quieter or less assertive. The goal of the workshop is to build participation by allowing space for conversation. A facilitator’s role is to reframe any silence as reflection, or as a consideration of others.

By using storytelling as a tool to discuss similar situations of silence, the facilitator can encourage participants to open up, and what their positive outcomes may have been. When participants do speak, give positive praise and encouragement.

From Silence to Vibrance   #managing difficulties   #group development   #online   #engagement   #team dynamics   Sometimes a number of people are silent and there is not necessarily a dominant person in the group. This often happens in cultures where being assertive is not valued.

Asking open questions can be an easier way to gain a better understanding of someone, and to open up further conversation. Pairing this with active listening makes for stronger communication.

This exercise works to develop both our listening skills and ways to think about how we form and ask questions. It works well with 12 or fewer people, and the aim is for the group to find out something unknown from the volunteer using open questions that start with:

Practicing open questions helps participants be more mindful of the questions they pose in everyday conversations and invites the other person to open up more. It also signals that they really are interested in what is being said.

Open Questions – Role Play   #communication   #skills   #active listening   An extract from Rudyard Kipling’s poem in “The Elephant’s Child” literally OPENS up  opportunities to practice a key skill as part of a communication skills course as well  as allied skills in active listening and observation.

Are you familiar with the phrase, It’s not what you say, but how you say it?

According to a study at UCLA , our words make up only 7% of the impact of what we say. Tone of voice makes up 38% of expressing our emotions and feelings, and gestures count for a huge 55%. This means that 93% of how a person is really feeling isn’t in the actual words themselves. 

‘ Seven Words ‘, explores the effect of tone of voice on what we say. A volunteer chooses a seven-word sentence about themselves. The first time they say the sentence, stress or emphasis is put on the first word. The rest of the group discuss the possible interpretation of the sentence. Next, the exercise is repeated by putting an emphasis on a different word, and the team discusses what the sentence might mean to them now. It can be modified to choose different sentence lengths and doesn’t have to be exactly seven words.

Recognizing the differences in context and meaning by the simple variation in intonation can make an interesting reflection. The goal of this exercise is to understand and reflect on how we speak. Meaning and emotion are carried across in our voices, and awareness of this will help develop emotional intelligence skills.

Seven Words   #thiagi   #communication   #skills   #remote-friendly   Ever heard the cliché, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it”? The Seven Words jolt dramatically demonstrates this principle. You demonstrate how the meaning of a sentence changes as you emphasize different words. Later, you invite pairs of participants to explore this concept.

Emotional Intelligence Games for better Group Dynamics

In high-performing teams, most people will cultivate positive ways to deal with negative emotions. These groups value clear and open communication and react positively when presented with an opportunity to build their emotional intelligence skills. 

Those employees who take the opportunity to improve their E.I. might be your star players and future leaders. They make work a dream as they create strong relationships with others. If they encounter a hurdle at work, they have an already established network of people to go to for help and are appreciative of their team. They are also available to support when needed.

Some people may not be as aware of their emotions and are less able to get to grips with them, perhaps even bottling things up, or avoiding situations. These issues can be changed if they are open to exploring ways to improve emotional intelligence and seeing the potential benefits.

Noticing and working with differences can be part of creating the right team atmosphere to build a stronger group identity. These emotional intelligence activities help participants understand the role they each play in a group discussion and will help them better handle relationships, solve problems and collaborate more effectively.

Map Participation Styles

The thing from the future, nine dimensions team building activity, sit – stand – disappear, myer-briggs team reflection.

Working together in groups involves a balance of how people actively participate in meetings, workshops and in day-to-day communication at work. Goleman noted that surprisingly, in group situations, those who are overly eager to take part were a drag on the group by being too controlling or domineering. Equally, those who did not participate brought the group down. So learning to balance our styles is important in group dynamics.

The Map Participation Styles exercise uses a visual to aid self-reflection for participants to identify their participation style. They can see where they lie on the X-axis between being shy or being loud. And on the Y-axis, if they need to think in order to talk, or if they think by speaking aloud. 

The exercise helps groups understand the team’s participation styles so that they can adjust their behavior. It helps create balance and opportunities for all voices to be heard.

Map Participation Styles   #teamwork   #psychological safety   #empathy   #self-awareness   #ice breaker   #culture design   #remote-friendly   In most meetings, 20% of participants do 80% of the talking. Unfortunately, remote meetings amplify this lousy behavior. Some people like to talk to think, while others need to think before they talk. Some people are shy and quiet, while others are more vocal and outspoken. This activity helps assess participation style and adjust behaviors.

Working on a creative project together can be a fun way to harness team dynamics. By focusing our efforts on a lighter approach to building emotional intelligence, we can see the benefits in a more organic way.

The exercise is an inclusive storytelling activity where the team travels to the future and are presented with a variety of objects. It works well with 12 or fewer people, with each person choosing an object and spending 10 minutes modifying the design to create an artifact from the future. Taking it in turns, each member of the team presents their object to the group with a story behind its use and purpose. The stories help to create a mutual understanding of the object together.

This activity can be modified to design a specific object relevant to the team’s industry or even relate it to an emotional need. They can also form a group at the end to develop an object together based on what has been created so far. It’s a great way of prototyping and aligning in a joint vision.

The Thing from the Future   #imagination   #storymaking   #idea generation   #issue analysis   Help a group to time-travel and tap their imagination by fictional objects. With tangible objects and the stories your participants make up w/ them you’ll get so much richer inputs and context to inform joint visioning / strategizing: The future doesn’t look that far away when you can pick it off the shelf.

Aligning our own self-awareness with that of our team is paramount to building Emotional Intelligence. By honestly reflecting on what skills we excel at, and seeing which areas we may need to develop, we can be transparent with our team members and work together to create a stronger group.

The Nine Dimensions activity guides us to rate our abilities in nine aspects important to our work environment and how we relate to others. Participants choose colored dots to mark how well they are doing in each area.

The exercise is followed by a team discussion, to discover how everyone feels about the skills, and if we are all in the agreement or not. It works to identify where people may need support, and where others might excel. This awareness can help build better skills in both individual and group emotional intelligence.

9 Dimensions Team Building Activity   #ice breaker   #teambuilding   #team   #remote-friendly   9 Dimensions is a powerful activity designed to build relationships and trust among team members. There are 2 variations of this icebreaker. The first version is for teams who want to get to know each other better. The second version is for teams who want to explore how they are working together as a team.

An energetic icebreaker to work together as a team is an effective way to connect when working virtually. At SessionLab, we are all scattered across Europe and we tried this exercise out with some silly music.

Sit, Stand Disappear is a virtual game in Zoom. Everyone adjusts their screen so that they only see 3 people in a row. In each row, the goal is to work in sync to have one person sitting, one standing, and one out of the frame in their row. As each person will have a different view in Zoom, the game will work by making it very difficult to complete!

In a debrief, jointly discuss the dynamics of the group, did you work together by observing others? Did one person take the lead and direct the rest of the team? What were your thoughts and feelings throughout the game?

Sit – Stand – Disappear   #remote-friendly   #opening   #zoom   #energizer   #large group   #ericamarxcoaching   As a virtual game in Zoom, have people narrow their screen so they only see 3 people in a row. Each person will simultaneously try to have one person sitting, one standing , and one out of the frame in their row.

An interesting way to explore team dynamics could be by using a Personality test such as the Myer-Briggs model. The group can use the test as a jumping-off point to discuss if they identify with that personality type and if they agree or disagree with them.

The exercise works by first of all giving people time to complete the test, and then see for themselves if they agree with the underlying motivations of their character type. Each person then shares with the group points they consider to ring true, and which points don’t. Our group can then feedback on their thoughts.

The point of this exercise is to start with our own self-awareness, and equally that of our team, so that we can recognize certain behaviors, inclinations and motives in the unit.

Myers-Briggs Team Reflection   #team   #hyperisland   A workshop to explore personal traits and interpersonal relations using the Myers-Briggs personalities model. Use this tool to go deeper with your team to understand more about yourselves and each other on personal and professional levels.

What are your thoughts?

I hope you’ve come away from this article inspired to use emotional intelligence activities to make your team happier and more productive. The rewards of recognizing our emotions before we take action are huge, and our team can greatly benefit from how we manage our feelings when working together.

Improving your team’s emotional intelligence helps to improve empathy and better our communication skills resulting in a tighter support system with less conflict. I’ve created a workshop template designed to develop your team’s self-awareness to build their emotional intelligence skills.

Are there any exercises you have tried out? Do any of the activities motivate you to develop emotional intelligence skills within your facilitation practice? Let us know of any successes in building emotional intelligence within yourself, and within your team in the comments below.

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