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Guest Essay

When I Applied to College, I Didn’t Want to ‘Sell My Pain’

By Elijah Megginson

Mr. Megginson is a high school senior in Brooklyn.

In school, most kids are told that they have the potential to do great things in life. They’re told the sky’s the limit. As I started to be recognized as a promising student, around eighth grade, I was told, “You’re smart and you’re from the hood, you’re from the projects, colleges will love you.”

When I heard this, I was confused. I always looked at being from the hood as a bad thing. It was something I was quite ashamed of when I was younger. So for my teachers and advisers to make it seem like it was a cool thing made me feel good inside, until I fully realized what they were talking about.

In my life, I’ve had a lot of unfortunate experiences. So when it came time for me to write my personal statement for college applications, I knew that I could sell a story about all the struggles I had overcome. Each draft I wrote had a different topic. The first was about growing up without my dad being involved, the second was about the many times my life was violently threatened, the third was about coping with anxiety and PTSD, and the rest followed the same theme.

Every time I wrote, and then discarded and then redrafted, I didn’t feel good. It felt as if I were trying to gain pity. I knew what I went through was tough and to overcome those challenges was remarkable, but was that all I had to offer?

Conflicted, I asked around to see what others had written. I spoke to my old middle school algebra teacher, Nathaniel Sinckler. When he was applying to Morehouse, he remembered, he “felt pressured to write about something I could oversell.” He knew enough to write about hardships he had faced, he said, but although “I didn’t have enough, I didn’t go without.”

This made him feel that he was at a disadvantage because he was competing with kids on the same academic level who had faced even more adversity. So the question on his mind, for a long time, was “How can I oversell myself?” He explained that this was an experience not talked about enough: students of color trying to become poster children for trauma and pain. The focus becomes no longer who you are as a person but rather “are my challenges enough,” as Mr. Sinckler said, “and will this give me value?”

Mr. Sinckler asked me, “Who are you?” He urged me to question what actually makes up my identity, because while struggles are important, they’re not my only contribution. He felt that students of color glorifying their hardships is selling trauma with scholarship “dollar signs behind it.”

I also spoke to a friend about her application to N.Y.U. She wrote about experiencing homelessness at one point in her life. I asked how she felt as she wrote about that, and she said that it was “difficult to write, rather forced — and I had an interesting experience rereading it when I graduated, because I had sort of programmed myself to think of myself as less-than, as inferior.” Her application described her poverty, her living briefly in a shelter, as well as her dad not being present in her life. I asked why she wrote about her hardships, and she said, “Because I had to get into school and advisers emphasized, like, sell your pain.”

“It was a flex,” she said, to go to a prestigious school like N.Y.U. “But I didn’t feel like I should have been there.” She had the grades, she had the credentials, but she lacked self-esteem, partly because she forced herself to write about moments in her life she wasn’t proud of. So for the longest time she felt her N.Y.U. acceptance was undeserved. She would stay under the radar in classes, instead of making her presence known. Her essay had become an internalized mind-set.

I spoke to one of my younger brother’s teachers, Aaron Jones, who also attended Morehouse, and he said, “Teachers promoted it” — the personal statement about hardships. But he wanted to show the admissions officers what he was capable of and decided that if he wrote about his neighborhood in Annapolis, Md., “it would put me in a box.”

This box was the clichéd story of a Black kid in America. Mr. Jones said that if he had wanted to go to a P.W.I. — a predominantly white institution — then a sob story would have been more important, but since he wanted to go to a historically Black institution, he could showcase his abilities. He emphasized that students of color have more to offer than the cliché. He said, “The sob story can be truth, but it’s not all said all.” He argued that college is the gateway to experiencing a fresh start and that bringing old baggage with you only limits your growth. He ended up writing about a teacher who had mentored him since the fifth grade.

Mr. Sinckler, my friend who went to N.Y.U., Mr. Jones and I had gone to different high schools, and we had all been given the same message. But it wasn’t just the advisers; I was hearing it from family and neighbors. Everyone around me seemed to know this was what colleges were looking for, to the point where it didn’t even have to be spoken. I felt like the college system was forcing us to embody something that was less than what we are. Were colleges just looking for a check on a checklist? Were they looking for a slap on the back for saving us from our circumstances?

As I kept rewriting my personal statement, it kept sounding clichéd. It was my authentic experience, but I felt that trauma overwhelmed my drafts. I didn’t want to be a victim anymore. I didn’t want to promote that narrative. I wanted college to be a new beginning for me. At the time, my mom, a part-time health aide, was taking care of a patient who used a wheelchair. My mom was sometimes unable to pick him up at the bus stop, as she was just getting off her second job, so I took on that responsibility.

I would wait for her patient at the bus stop; I would make sure he ate, and I would play music for him until my mom got home. I also wrote about my relationship with my middle school janitor. I used both of these stories to show the importance of diversity and the value of respecting everyone regardless of physical ability, status or class. After writing this, there weren’t any feelings of regret. I felt free.

Trauma is one of life’s teachers. We are molded by it, and some will choose to write about it urgently, passionately. Yet I would encourage those who feel like their stories were written in tragedy to rethink that, as I did. When you open your mind to all the other things you can offer in life, it becomes liberating. Let’s show college admissions officers what they’re missing out on, not what they already know.

Elijah Megginson is a graduating senior at Uncommon Charter High School in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, who is still choosing between several colleges for the fall.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

Follow The New York Times Opinion section on Facebook , Twitter (@NYTopinion) and Instagram .

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The rise of the "trauma essay" in college applications | Tina Yong TED Talks Education

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As if college applications aren't stressful enough, disadvantaged youth are often encouraged to write about their darkest traumas in their admissions essays, creating a marketable story of resilience that turns "pain into progress," says politics student Tina Yong. She brings this harrowing norm to light, exploring its harms and offering a more equitable process for colleges everywhere.

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The rise of the "trauma essay" in college applications | Tina Yong

As if college applications aren't stressful enough, disadvantaged youth are often encouraged to write about their darkest traumas in their admissions essays, creating a marketable story of resilience that turns "pain into progress," says politics student Tina Yong. She brings this harrowing norm to light, exploring its harms and offering a more equitable process for colleges everywhere.

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College Essays and the Trauma Sweetspot

Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. Discuss a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. If all else fails, explore a background, identity, interest, or talent so profound that not doing so would leave our idea of you fundamentally incomplete.

Exactly the sort of small talk you want to make with strangers.

American college essays — frequently structured around prompts like the above — ask us to interrogate who we are, who we want to be, and what the most formative experiences of our then-short lives are. To tell a story, to reveal ourselves and our identity in its entirety to the curious gaze of admissions officers — all in a succinct 650 words.

Last Thursday, The Crimson published “ Rewriting Our Admissions Essays, ” an intimate reflection by six Crimson editors on the personal statements that got them into Harvard. Our takeaway from this exercise is that our current essay-generating ethos — the topics we choose or are made to choose, the style and emphasis we apply — is imperfect at best, when not actively harmful.

The American admissions process rightly grants students broad latitude to write about whatever they choose, with prompts that emphasize personal experience, adversity, discovery, and identity — features often distort student narratives and pressure students to present themselves in light of their most difficult experiences.

When it comes to writing, freedom is good — great even! The personal statement can be a powerful vehicle to convey an aspect of one’s identity, and students who feel inclined to do so should take advantage of the opportunity to write deeply and candidly about their lives; the variety of prompts, including the possibility to craft your own, facilitate that. We have no doubt that some of our peers had already pondered, or even lived in the shadow of, the difficult questions posed by the most recurrent essay prompts; and we know the essay to be a fundamental part of the holistic, inclusive admissions system we so fervently cherish . Writing one’s college essay, while stressful, can ultimately prove cathartic to some and revealing to others, a helpful exercise in introspection amid a much too busy reality.

Yet we would be blind not to notice the deep, dark nooks where the system that demands such introspection tends to lead us.

Both the college essay format — short but riveting, revealing but uplifting, insightful but not so self-centered that it will upset any potential admissions counselor — and the prompts that guide it push students towards an ethic of maximum emotional impact. With falling acceptance rates and a desperate need to stand out from tens of thousands of applicants, students frequently feel the need to supply the sort of attention-grabbing drama that might just push them through.

But joyful, restful days don’t make for great stories; there are few, if any, plot points in a stable, warm relationship with a living, healthy relative. Trauma, on the other hand — homophobic or racist encounters that leave one shaken, alcoholic parents, death, loss and scarring pain — makes for a good story. A Harvard-worthy story, even.

For students who have experienced genuine adversity, this pressure to package adversity into a palatable narrative can be toxic. The essay risks commodifying hardship, rendering genuinely soul-molding experiences like suffering recurrent homelessness or having orphaned grandparents into shiny narrative baubles to melt down into a Harvard degree. It can make applicants, accepted or not, feel like their admissions outcomes are tied to their most vulnerable experiences. The worst thing that ever happened to you was simply not enough, or alternatively, it was more than enough, and now you get to struggle with traumatized-imposter syndrome.

Moreover, students often feel compelled to end their essays about deep trauma with a statement of victory — a proclamation that they have overcome their problems and are “fit for admission.” Very few have figured life out by age 18. Trauma often sticks with people far longer, and this implicit obligation may make students feel like they “failed” if the pain of their trauma resurfaces during college. Not every bruise heals and not all damage can be undone — but no one wants to read a sob story without a redemption arc.

A similar dynamic is at play in terms of the intensity of the chosen experience: Students feeling for ridges of scars to tear up into prose must be careful to avoid cuts too deep or too shallow. Their trauma mustn’t appear too severe: No college, certainly not Harvard, wants to admit people who could trigger legal liabilities after a bad mental health episode . That is the essay’s twisted pain paradox — students’ trauma must be compelling but not too serious, shocking but not off-putting. Colleges seek the chic not-like-other-students sort of hurt; they want the fun, quirky pain that leaves the main character with a new refreshing perspective at the end of a lackluster indie film. Genuine wounds — the sort that don’t heal overnight or ever, the kind that don’t lead to an uplifting conclusion that ties in beautifully with your interest in Anthropology — are but lawsuits in the waiting .

For students who have not experienced such trauma, the personal essay can trap accuracy in a tug of war with appealing falsities. The desire to appear as a heroic problem-solver can incentivize students to exaggerate or misrepresent details to compete with the compelling stories of others.

We emphatically reject these unspoken premises. Students from marginalized communities don’t owe college admissions offices an inspirational story of nicely packaged drama. They should not bear a disproportionate burden in proving their worthiness.

Why, then, do these pressures exist? How can we account for the multitude of challenging experiences people have without reductionist commodification? How do you value the sharing of deeply personal struggles without incentivizing every acceptance-hungry applicant to offer an adjective-ridden, six-paragraph attempt at psychoanalyzing their terrible childhood?

We don’t have a quick fix, but we must seek a system that preserves openness and mitigates perverse pressures. Other admissions systems around the world, such as the United Kingdom’s UCAS personal statement, tend to emphasize intellectual interest in tandem with personal experience. The Rhodes Scholarship, citing an excessive focus on the “heroic self” in the essays it receives, recently overhauled its prompts to focus more broadly on the themes “self/others/world.” We should pay attention to the nature of the essays that these prompts inspire and see, in time, if their models are worth replicating.

In the meantime, students should understand that neither their hurt nor their college essay defines them — and there are many ways to stand out to admissions officers. If it feels right to write about deeply difficult experiences, do so with the knowledge that they have far more to contribute to a college campus than adversity and hardship.

The issue is not what people can or should write about in their personal statements. Rather, it’s how what admissions officers expect of their applicants distorts the essays they receive, and how the structure of American college admissions can push toward garment-rending oversharing. We must strive for an admissions culture in which students feel truly free to express their identity — to tell a story they want to share, not one their admissions officers want them to. A system where students can feel comfortable that any specific essay topic — devastating or cheerful — will not place them slightly ahead or behind in the mad, mad race toward that cherished acceptance letter.

This staff editorial solely represents the majority view of The Crimson Editorial Board. It is the product of discussions at regular Editorial Board meetings. In order to ensure the impartiality of our journalism, Crimson editors who choose to opine and vote at these meetings are not involved in the reporting of articles on similar topics.

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• Zamboni Time
• Off The Beaten Track

The Rise of the Trauma Essay in College Applications

• Thread starter LeafOnTheWind
• Start date Jun 25, 2023
• Jun 25, 2023

LeafOnTheWind

Well-known member.

The Rise of the "Trauma Essay" in College Applications | Tina Yong | TED

• Jun 26, 2023

Isn’t this basically every fluff piece before a skater competes? I was just watching Never Have I Ever where I questioned why the lead character didn’t use her own trauma to be admitted to the college of her dreams. If this is such a problem, just base it on grades. I am sure that won’t be a problem.  

Doing all the things

When Mini-Mac was filling out college apps, we used a service and they actually recommended that people NOT 'trauma dump.' They said that colleges get a ton of applications that feature the same 3 or 4 topics in their personal essay and it doesn't make you stand out like students seem to think. I would be interested in seeing some statistics about this and also hearing from people who are in college admissions.  

MacMadame said: When Mini-Mac was filling out college apps, we used a service and they actually recommended that people NOT 'trauma dump.' They said that colleges get a ton of applications that feature the same 3 or 4 topics in their personal essay and it doesn't make you stand out like students seem to think. I would be interested in seeing some statistics about this and also hearing from people who are in college admissions. Click to expand...

Chitarrista

Vagabond said: Based on what I know from training that I have received from my undergraduate institution to be an alumni admissions interviewer, I would say that colleges and universities want to know how students deal with challenges and adversity, not whether they have overcome trauma. Click to expand...

Vagabond said: The experience she describes of feeling insecure and being the target of teasing is so commonplace that it cannot possibly make an applicant stand out, and even the more specific narrative of being an Asian immigrant and wanting her mother to make her peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches instead of Chinese food is not going to impress the Admissions Office, especially at a place like U.B.C., where about 40% of the student body is of Chinese ancestry . Click to expand...

Vagabond said: I have had applicants volunteer in admissions interviews that they have mental health issues. I do wonder why they do this. Click to expand...

• Jun 29, 2023

This is silly IMHO. So easy to cheat and or fabricate. Grades and test scores combined with references.  

Winnipeg said: This is silly IMHO. So easy to cheat and or fabricate. Click to expand...

Winnipeg said: Grades and test scores combined with references. Click to expand...

• Jun 30, 2023

Prancer said: They also like passion and curiosity. Click to expand...

Japanfan said: Having edited many personal statements, I find passion to be an overused word. I wonder how the admissions people feel about it, given that they read so many of those statements. Click to expand...

kwanfan1818

"Passionate" seems to be in the first sentence resume or consulting/presenter summary I've seen. Which means I gag a lot.  

Calling yourself “passionate” is like when someone calls themselves “smart” or “funny”. It’s one of those things that is better by showing it rather than just telling people and expecting them to just believe it. I find that when people are really passionate, one can usually tell without them having to say it. Through that passion, they can explain how they got into what they got into and what motivated them to delve deeper into whatever it is. Then through that, they can show how they can make connections and analyze situations and “data points” they’ve collected within whatever subject they’re writing about. They can also then show how that specific college would be the best fit for them to follow through on whatever it is they’re going on about, how they will follow through, whether they are able to follow-through (using real world past examples), and what they hope to achieve by that follow-through. Regarding doing away with this whole application process and just using test scores and grades… grades can be volatile and there is no uniform schooling system and applicants aren’t going to be all taught by the same system and by the same exact teachers. As for test scores, there’s a lot that can be written about whether those are accurate measures and predictors of success. And also, most people applying will have very comparable grades (technically) and test scores (for many people, their scores determine which institutions they should even think about applying to)… way more than what slots are available. In parts of Asia, where parents and students have really gamed the university entrance testing system, many of those in admissions there complain that every applicant really seems the same… and then that seeps into the lucky ones who get in when they graduate and try to enter the job market where that issue of strict numbers measurement and lack of distinction between job applicants has resulted in a very angry young population who feel that they were lied to. But that’s a much larger topic that will deviate from the subject of this thread too much.  

• Jul 1, 2023

Euler? Euler? Anyone?

To be fair to the students, the prompts used for college essays just begged for a trauma dump answer: "Think of a time when you have overcome obstacles and describe the impact that has had on your life and future plans." I mean, the vast majority of these kids are 17 when writing this--how the hell else are they going to answer besides a trauma dump, or the ultimate cliche, or both? Most do not have the maturity or life experience to answer that in a nuanced way. New English and Theology teachers have an issue with this in trying to ask prompts of high school kids without getting a lot of information they weren't necessarily looking to get. Writing a decent prompt is frankly a skill most colleges do not seem to possess.  

Matryeshka said: To be fair to the students, the prompts used for college essays just begged for a trauma dump answer: "Think of a time when you have overcome obstacles and describe the impact that has had on your life and future plans." I mean, the vast majority of these kids are 17 when writing this--how the hell else are they going to answer besides a trauma dump, or the ultimate cliche, or both? Click to expand...

Essays | Penn Admissions

The Penn application process includes a personal essay as well as supplemental short answer prompts. We read your words carefully, as they are yet another window into how you think, what you value, and how you see the world. Through your writing, we get a glimpse of what you might bring to our community, including your voice and creativity. Click to expand...

• Jul 2, 2023

Matryeshka said: Writing a decent prompt is frankly a skill most colleges do not seem to possess. Click to expand...

Vagabond said: The prompt is not asking for a discussion of when the student felt traumatized. It is asking about when he or she felt a sense of accomplishment. Click to expand...

Vagabond said: A trauma dump or the ultimate cliche is not going to gain the applicant an offer of admission. Click to expand...

• Jul 4, 2023

Prancer said: I agree that college prompts generally suck; however, as a person who has had to write prompts for writing assessments, they suck for a reason. Every prompt must be something that any person from any culture can answer. It is unbelievably limiting and means that the few topics that can be used must be presented in very broad terms. But sometimes the sense of accomplishment comes from surviving trauma. Some examples: a student who has experienced homelessness but still maintained a 4.0 or better; a student who is a refugee and came to the US barely speaking English and having never attended a formal school but graduated at the top of her class; a student who lived in five different foster care homes in high school alone and was still the valedictorian of her class. Click to expand...

Prancer said: Those are all students who wrote about those things and got into top schools. Of course, their focus was on how they never lost focus on academic success, which is where they tend to differentiate themselves from the herd, but still. There is some crossover there and I don't think the line is always clear. Click to expand...

Prancer said: But high school students don't know that. An academic coach can set them straight, but then we are talking about wealthy kids with academic coaches. Click to expand...

Vagabond said: Being an immigrant who didn't speak English fluently on arrival and whose mother wouldn't make peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches is not on a par with experiencing homelessness, is it? Click to expand...

Vagabond said: A high school student who has a realistic shot at getting into a selective or even highly selective institution can find this advice with an Internet search or two and without a coach. Click to expand...

The whole concept is dumb IMHO Maybe, if there was an essay requirement with broader options for topics and/or media, For example, a video submission or an essay on the most fantastic thing that happened or the best job you ever had etc etc and why etc  

Winnipeg said: Maybe, if there was an essay requirement with broader options for topics and/or media, For example, a video submission or an essay on the most fantastic thing that happened or the best job you ever had etc etc and why etc. Click to expand...

Theatregirl1122

Needs a nap.

Vagabond said: Undoubtedly, but I was responding to Matryeshka's statement that "the prompts used for college essays just begged for a trauma dump answer." Click to expand...

Vagabond said: By writing about a specific time that they faced in school or an extracurricular activity that presented a challenge to which they responded with ingenuity. That is what the prompt is seeking. Click to expand...

Prancer said: Which one do you accept as your one student? How do you decide? These are all actual students of mine from the past couple of years, three of whom who were taking college classes for credit while in high school and one who had a different story. I know where all four of them ended up, if anyone is curious. Click to expand...

Prancer said: Now multiply that by thousands and make your decision. The personal essay may or may not make a difference here. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. But it's one more thing for colleges to look at. Click to expand...

Mayor of Carrot City

I think part of it also is which program the student is interested in, as well as the college/university they're applying to. A good essay IMHO would link to specific characteristics of a program and show how the student's experience relates to why they want to study that particular subject. I know that a lot of students change majors or programs fairly early on, once they find out what the program or major is really like. But demonstrating that they've done some research on the institution and its offerings - research beyond "it has a good reputation" - would probably strengthen the application.  

mattiecat13

Prancer said: I know where all four of them ended up, if anyone is curious. Click to expand...

Japanfan said: Without thinking too much, I pick Student A. Click to expand...

MacMadame said: I pick anyone but Student D. Click to expand...

• Jul 5, 2023

my little pony

Polishing madison hubbell's ogm.

I rank them A, gap, B, very large gap, C if I must, no to D  

my little pony said: I rank them A, gap, B, very large gap, C if I must, no to D Click to expand...

alexikeguchi

I did alumni interviews for years, and our area rep ran a mini symposium on the holistic admissions process. Therefore, A seems like a slam dunk to me, then C>>B>>D. Actually, A's is the only application that would even make it past the first round reading, as my undergraduate institution currently accepts ~5% of applicants and wouldn't have the time of day for the others regardless of what they wrote in their essays. If the school is Harvard and C is a legacy, though, he might get in on that basis.  

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