disadvantages of divorce essay

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Couples exchange wedding vows with the intent of making a lifetime commitment, however there may come a time when it's best for the marriage to end. When contemplating divorce, it's important to evaluate the advantages and disadvantages not only for yourself, but for your spouse and your children. Divorce divides a family financially and emotionally, which may improve life for all, or exchange one set of problems for another. Consider the benefits and drawbacks for all involved before filing those divorce papers.

Disadvantage: Impact on Children

Divorce doesn’t just affect the couple who is splitting; children feel the impact, too. A disadvantage is the negative impact it will have on children. Researchers and psychologists accept that divorce can negatively affect toddlers and teenagers, according to the University of Massachusetts Lowell. Toddlers will often believe they are to blame for a divorce, while teenagers may feel pressured into siding with one parent or the other. A child of divorce may develop commitment issues and doubt his ability to marry. Some may also suffer depression because of the break-up of their family.

Disadvantage: Psychological Effect on Adults

An argument against divorce is its negative effect on a couple’s psychological health. “Divorce has been rated the number one life stressor,” according to Arizona State University. Adults can suffer a negative psychological balance, including high levels of anxiety, unhappiness and depression. Your psychological and emotional well-being can, therefore, be severely damaged by divorce, and it can affect the rest of your life.

Advantage: Impact on Children

The impact of divorce on children has been stated previously as a disadvantage. However, there is an advantage to a child’s parents splitting up. A child who experiences divorce may mature quicker and develop responsibility at a younger age. If a child’s father moves out and she has younger siblings, she may have to take on a co-parental role with her mother. This exposure will give her a sense of responsibility that other areas of her life can benefit from. Also, children will benefit from divorce if there is a high level of conflict in their parents’ marriage. It is unhealthy for children to be around parents who fight and criticize each other.

Advantage: Personal Growth

An advantage to divorce is the personal growth a person goes through after the event. “Divorced individuals report higher levels of autonomy and personal growth than do married individuals,” says Miami University professor of philosophy, Robin L. Graff-Reed, in her article, "Positive Effects of Stressful Life Events: Psychological Growth Following Divorce." This is because divorced individuals have to become self-sufficient and cope with the pressures of everyday life by themselves. After divorce, individuals can develop the personal skills that can help them work towards a better quality of life for themselves and their children.

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• University of Massachusetts Lowell: Does divorce usually lead to long-term negative consequences for children?
• Arizona State University: The Consequences of Divorce for Parents; Sanford L. Braver, Jenessa R. Shapiro and Matthew R. Goodman
• Purdue University: Provider-Parent Partnerships: The Effect of Divorce on Children: What Makes a Difference; N. Karuppaswamy and J.A. Myers-Walls

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The Pros and Cons of Divorce Versus Marriage, According to the Experts

Here's how to weigh your decision.

Priscilla Du Preez / Unsplash

In This Article

If your marriage has been on the rocks for quite some time, you've probably been wondering whether getting a divorce is the only solution. "Deciding to divorce is a huge decision that will have ripple effects on all areas of your life for years to come," says marriage and family therapist Rebecca Hendrix. While some struggling marriages can be repaired through therapy , better communication, improved resolution conflict, and more, others simply aren't salvageable, which makes divorce the best option. "If a couple believes that divorce is critical to both individuals living healthier lives, there is definitely hope on the other side," says Kim Hoertz, president and founder of The Graceful Exit.

Meet the Expert

• Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT is a New York City-based integrative holistic psychotherapist and writer with more than 15 years of experience.
• Kim Hoertz is the president and founder of The Graceful Exit , a comprehensive resource for women navigating divorce.
• Tabitha Azor is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the owner of NYC Healing Center in Brooklyn, New York.

No matter what your circumstances look like, grappling with whether or not to end your committed union shouldn't be taken lightly—the decision requires a great deal of thought and consideration. If you're unsure what the future of your marriage looks like and how to decide the best way forward, we recommend making a list of the pros and cons of filing for divorce and the pros and cons of staying married. At a loss for what to write? We asked the experts to unpack the advantages and drawbacks of each option to help you make this life-changing decision.

Ahead, the pros and cons of divorce versus marriage.

The Pros of Staying Married

Staying married to your partner is one possible outcome that has a handful of benefits, which the experts unpack below.

If You Have Kids, They Won't Have to Split Time Between Parents

Although "staying together for the kids" isn't always a viable option, it's definitely a big consideration for most couples. "When parents split, children have to adjust to new living arrangements: having clothes at mom and dad’s, rooms at each house," Hendrix notes. "In some cases, one parent moves to a different or nearby town, where visiting with them means the child is no longer near their friends." If you can repair your marriage, it will likely make life easier for your kids, given there isn't constant fighting or infidelity present in the household.

Your Income Flow Will Remain Intact

When you got married, you likely merged assets, like bank accounts and cards, 401ks, a house, cars, and so forth. If you split, so will those assets, and the lifestyle you've become accustomed to may get turned upside down. "Sometimes, once all assets are divided and settlement agreements are reached, one [person] has little money left to buy/rent a new home, so it can create financial hardship," Hendrix says. If you're in a partnership where only one person works, staying married means the non-working partner won't have to re-enter the workforce. Furthermore, Hoertz explains that you won't have to deal with the hefty legal fees of divorce warrants. Plus, she adds, there is typically a lower tax burden for married couples.

You Won't Have to Start Over and Find Someone New

Finding "the one" isn't easy the first time around, so starting over on your own after a divorce can be a challenge. "It’s not impossible to find a new partner —people do it all the time—but there are usually competing intentions: work, kids, self-care, me time," Hendrix contends. "If you are co-parenting, there might be little time to date because children have so many activities and needs." If you love your partner but your marriage is struggling, it may be worth it to try different ways to make it work, especially if you're raising children.

Hoertz advises trying discernment counseling , a type of counseling that helps couples find clarity about the direction their marriage is going. "Typically, in discernment counseling, couples consider whether each party is 'leaning into' or 'leaning out' of the marriage," Hoertz shares. Both perspectives are honored and discussed, and the goal is for the couple to take one of three paths: move forward with a divorce, commit to repairing their marriage via couple's counseling, or continue on their current course and postpone the decision.

The Cons of Staying Married

While staying married to your partner does have some pros to keep in mind, this choice also has multiple drawbacks. Keep scrolling to see what the experts have to say.

You Might Be Giving Up the Chance to Find a Better Fit

This is one of the biggest cons to staying in a loveless marriage for practical reasons. In the end, a split may be worth it if it means you have another chance to find true love . "If you are not in love with your partner and are only staying for other reasons, you may be giving up on having fulfillment in the love and relationship area of your life," Hendrix expresses. Further, staying in a monogamous marriage that is sexless will not allow you to experience that very important aspect of life.

You Could Remain Unfulfilled in Your Relationship

If you decide to stay with your partner, you're taking a chance knowing that things might not work out, despite your best efforts. You may never feel fulfilled in the relationship area of your life, which can have detrimental effects on your wellbeing. "It’s stressful to be happy in other areas of your life (i.e. career) but have your relationship be your Achilles heel," Hendrix states. "If you have taken your relationship as far as it can go and you still have little to no fulfillment, it can be hard to accept that this is as good as it gets in that area of your life."

You May Live With Resentment

If you stay in a failed marriage, you may consciously or unconsciously do things that bother your partner or ignore their requests simply because you feel slighted and blame them for your unhappiness. "Being angry and holding resentment for a long period of time is unhealthy," says Hendrix. "It can lead to depression, anxiety, or manifest physically with stomach problems, insomnia, migraines, or worse." It also has a detrimental effect on children. Young kids, per Hendrix, feel and absorb your anger, which can lead to anxiety and attachment issues.

Finding Yourself Can Be Harder

Although starting over is hard, it can also be refreshing. Many people who get divorced will seek help in the form of therapy, self-help books, or support groups, which allows them to develop emotionally and understand themselves on a deeper level. "Many go inwards to understand what got them to this point and use divorce as a catalyst for creating a better life ," Hendrix says. "They use the pain of the divorce to grow, to focus on themselves, and often become healthier, stronger, and eventually use what they have learned to have a more fulfilling partnership the next time around with a partner who is a better fit for who they have become."

The Pros of Getting a Divorce

On the other hand, getting a divorce is another possible choice that has an array of advantages for you and your relationship. Read on to discover the pros associated with terminating your union.

You Will Enjoy Newfound Freedom

If you're married, you are probably familiar with the concepts of compromise  and sacrifice. For instance, perhaps you felt the need to put your career on hold so that you could be more present in your kids' lives. Maybe you felt pressure to support your family financially, so you accepted a high-paying job with grueling hours. "An advantage of getting a divorce would be the opportunity to reset your financial priorities and have greater control over your finances," Hoertz says. Now that you are no longer a part of a couple, you are free to do the things you couldn't do when you were married. Go ahead, book that solo weekend getaway. You deserve it.

You Can Date New People

Whether you got married young and eventually fell out of love or you waited a while before tying the knot and feel like you settled, there are infinite reasons for getting a divorce. One big reason is feeling like the love between you and your spouse just isn't there. An amicable divorce is a pretty good option that allows you to rebuild a healthy, rewarding life with someone new. "You can date someone else and use what you learned from the past relationship to help you choose your next partner," licensed marriage and family therapist Tabitha Azor points out.

You Can Reconnect With Your Kids

Even though the initial shock of divorce may hurt your kids in the immediate, they may come to see it as a breath of fresh air—especially if you and your ex were constantly arguing , and the kids always ended up in the middle. Once the split is official, your children may let out a sigh of relief that they finally have two happy parents again. "Kids are extremely resilient and adapt to most situations," Hoertz remarks. "If the couple can find a way to co-parent and communicate effectively, they are teaching their children far more than they could model in an unhealthy marriage. Often, children coming from divorced households are likely to have increased empathy for others."

The Cons of Getting a Divorce

Just like staying with your significant other, dissolving your partnership also has repercussions, which you can read more about below.

You Will Drain Your Finances

Divorce isn't cheap: Both parties will incur attorney and legal fees—and they only add up when children are involved. The primary parent will often be entitled to child support, and in some cases, spousal support, and even the most robust household income will, in essence, be halved. Possessions, earnings, real estate holdings, and sometimes even debt get divided between you and your soon-to-be-ex. "Typically, if you can avoid hiring a lawyer to litigate, mediation is a more amicable and less expensive option to divorce," Hoertz notes.

You Will Deal With Difficult Emotional Ramifications

Even if a divorce is civil, that doesn't mean you are immune to negative (even devastating) feelings that may follow the split. It's also impossible to know beforehand when and how hard they'll hit you. Some people don't emotionally divorce their partners until after the legal process is over. And regardless of the problems you two had, you'll probably still harbor psychological attachments that can be difficult to shake.  Loneliness, sadness, self-blame, and worry, albeit normal, can be notoriously tough to bear, too.

You May Have to Navigate Friends and Family Picking Sides

Like your kids, your coworkers, friends, and family will also be impacted by your divorce. It's essential to recognize that cracks in third-party relationships can develop once the divorce is final. "If you have a solid friend network and get divorced, friends often consciously or unconsciously take sides," Hendrix admits. One thing to keep in mind, though: Anyone who willingly walks away from your friendship and love is not someone worth having in your life anyway. Real friends will stick by your side and support you.

Catherine McQueen / Getty Images

How to Weigh the Pros and Cons

Now that you have a list of the pros and cons of divorce and marriage, you're probably wondering how to leverage these insights to actually arrive at a conclusion. Here, the experts share their top tips for navigating this difficult decision.

Step 1: Implement a Points System

Assigning each pro and con a score will help you determine which option holds the most weight. Before doing this, we recommend adding every other possible advantage or disadvantage that relates to your unique relationship. Next, examine each point listed in the pros and cons sections, and assign each one a positive or negative value. For instance, you could use +3 for positive outcomes (pros) and -3 for any negative outcome (cons). 

Then, tally up the pros of getting married, the pros of getting divorced, the cons of getting married, and the cons of getting divorced, separately. Based on the above list, without any added input, the score will look like: +9, -9, -12, -9. After doing the math, you’ll find that staying married is associated with the most cons.  

Step 2: Sit With the Results 

Just because your list of pros and cons tells you that staying married isn’t the best course of action, for example, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to let this tool get the final say. After you’ve tallied up the points, sit with the results for a bit and see what emotions and thoughts comes up for you. Perhaps you’re disappointed in the final score. If that’s the case, your intuition might be revealing your preferred decision, which is more telling than the mechanism itself. 

Step 3: Take More Time to Reflect

After you take those first few moments to sit with your list, you’ll need to reflect on a deeper level. Chances are, if your marriage has been anything but smooth sailing lately, you’ve already been spending a lot of time in your head, contemplating the best route to take. 

Instead of letting your thoughts run rampant, Azor suggests taking a hard look at your marriage and getting real about what it will cost you to stay versus leave (and your children, if applicable). Since you can only control how you contribute to your relationship, she recommends asking yourself, “Have I don’t everything in my power to make my marriage work?” “Marriage takes work, but that work must be done by two individuals, or it won’t work,” she says. “If your spouse is unwilling to cooperate, then it’s best to separate .”

Step 4: Talk to Others

Sometimes, when the stakes are high and we experience a sense of urgency, we can become disconnected from our intuition and lose sight of the right answer. If you’re spending too much time in your head, wrestling with every possible outcome, it might be time to talk to a neutral third party, according to Azor. Rehashing the situation with a therapist will help you see and understand what’s happening from a different, impartial perspective, thereby making your decision easier.

You can also discuss the scenario and your thoughts with friends and family, who know you and your relationship well. They, too, will have another point of view that can inform your decision or, at the very least, make the experience less isolating.

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Essays About Divorce: Top 5 Examples and 7 Prompts

Essays about divorce can be challenging to write; read on to see our top essay examples and writing prompts to help you get started.

Divorce is the legal termination of a marriage. It can be a messy affair, especially if it includes children. Dividing the couple’s assets also often causes chaos when divorce proceedings are in session. 

Divorce also touches and considers religion and tradition. Therefore, laws are formed depending on the country’s history, culture, and belief system.

To help you choose what you want to talk about regarding this topic, here are examples you can read to get an idea of what kind of essay you want to write.

1. Divorce Should Be Legalized in the Philippines by Ernestine Montgomery

2. to divorce or not to divorce by mark ghantous, 3. what if you mess up by manis friedman, 4. divorce: a life-changing experience by writer louie, 5. divorce’s effects on early adult relationships by percy massey, 1. the major reasons for divorce, 2. why i support divorce, 3. my divorce experience, 4. how to avoid divorce, 5. divorce and its effects on my family, 6. the consequences of divorce, 7. divorce laws around the world.

“What we need is a divorce law that defines clearly and unequivocally the grounds and terms for terminating a marriage… Divorce is a choice and we all should have the freedom to make choices… in cases where a union is more harmful than beneficial, a divorce can be benevolent and less hurtful way of severing ties with your partner.”

As the title suggests, Montgomery and his other colleagues discuss why the Philippines, a predominantly Catholic country, needs to allow divorce. Then, to strengthen his argument, he mentions that Spain, the root of Christianity, and Italy, where the Vatican City is, administer divorce. 

He also mentions bills, relevant figures, and statistics to make his case in favor of divorce more compelling. Montgomery adds that people who want a divorce don’t necessarily mean they want to marry again, citing other motives such as abuse and marital failure.

“Divorce, being the final step in a detrimental marriage, brings upon the gruesome decision as to whether a married couple wishes to end that once made commitment they had for each other. As opposed to the present, divorce was rare in ancient times…”

Ghantous starts his essay with what divorce means, as not only an end of a commitment but also the termination of legal duties and other obligations of the couple to each other. He then talks about divorce in ancient times, when men had superior control over women and their children. He also mentions Caroline Norton, who fought with English family law that was clearly against women.

“So even though G‑d has rules,… laws,… divine commandments, when you sin, He tells you: ‘You messed up? Try again.’ That’s exactly how you should be married — by treating your spouse the way G‑d treats you. With that much mercy and compassion, that much kindness and consideration.”

Friedman’s essay discusses how the Torah sees marriage and divorce and explains it by recounting a scene with his daughters where they couldn’t follow a recipe. He includes good treatment and forgiveness necessary in spouses. But he also explains that God understands and doesn’t want people in a failed marriage to continue hurting. You might also be interested in these essays about commitment .

“Depending on the reasons that led up to the divorce the effects can vary… I was fourteen years old and the one child that suffered the most emotional damage… My parents did not discuss their reasons for the divorce with me, they didn’t have to, and I knew the reasons.”

The author starts the essay by citing the famous marital promise: “For better or worse, for richer or poorer,” before going in-depth regarding the divorce rate among Americans. He further expounds on how common divorce is, including its legalities. Although divorce has established legal grounds, it doesn’t consider the emotional trauma it will cause, especially for children.

Louie recounts how his life changed when his dad moved out, listing why his parents divorced. He ends the essay by saying society is at fault for commercializing divorce as if it’s the only option.

“With divorce becoming more prevalent, many researchers have taken it upon themselves to explore many aspects of this topic such as evolving attitudes, what causes divorce, and how it effects the outcome of children’s lives.”

Massey examines the causes of divorce and how it impacts children’s well-being by citing many relevant research studies. Some of the things he mentions are the connection between the child’s mental health, behavioral issues, and future relationships. Another is the trauma a child can endure during the divorce proceedings.

He also mentions that some children who had a broken family put marriage on a pedestal. As a result, they do their best to create a better future family and treat their children better.

Top 7 Prompts on Essays About Divorce

After adding to your knowledge about the subject, you’re better prepared to write essays about divorce.

There are many causes of the dissolution of marriage, and many essays have already discussed these reasons. However, you can explain these reasons differently. For example, you can focus on domestic abuse, constant fighting, infidelity, financial issues, etc.

If you want to make your piece stand out, you can include your personal experience, but only if you’re comfortable sharing your story with others. 

If you believe divorce offers a better life for all parties involved, list these benefits and explain them. Then, you can focus on a specific pro of legalizing divorce, such as getting out of an abusive relationship. 

If you want to write an essay to argue against the negative effects of divorce, here’s an excellent guide on how to write an argumentative essay .

This prompt is not only for anyone who has no or sole guardian. If you want to write about the experiences of a child raised by other people or who lives with a single parent, you can interview a friend or anyone willing to talk about their struggles and triumphs even if they didn’t have a set of parents.

Aside from reasons for divorce, you can talk about what makes these reasons more probable. Then, analyze what steps couples can take to avoid it. Such as taking couples’ therapy, weekly family get-together, etc. To make your essay more valuable, weigh in on what makes these tips effective.

Divorce is diverse and has varying effects. There are many elements to its results, and no two sets of factors are precisely the same for two families. 

If you have an intimate experience of how your immediate and extended family dynamic had been affected by divorce, narrate those affairs. Include what it made you and the others around you feel. You might also be interested in these essays about conflict .

This is a broad prompt, but you can narrow it down by focusing on an experience you or a close friend had. You can also interview someone closely related to a divorce case, such as a lawyer, reporter, or researcher. 

If you don’t have any experience with divorce, do not know anyone who had to go through it, or is more interested in its legal aspects, compiles different divorce laws for each country. You can even add a brief history for each law to make the readers understand how they came about.

Are you looking for other topics to write on? Check out our general resource of essay writing topics .

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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Divorce: Agreement or Disagreement Essay

Introduction.

According to Kuehn (4), “divorce is a legal process that ends a marriage.” Divorce can also be described as a period when families fail to overcome the major changes they experience. It is often associated with a disagreement between couples. Many people consider it an inappropriate way of solving problems. However, I completely disagree with the statement “if I were to get married, I would never consider divorce to be a viable option for any reason.” I think it is right for a couple to divorce if they think they are not compatible with each other.

Role of love in a relationship

I believe that love is the fundamental element of any serious relationship, that is why no one on earth can withstand a loveless relationship. Love makes marriages grow strong. It enables couples to share views and ideas, hence enhancing individual prosperity. On the other hand, the absence of love contributes to the deterioration of many relationships. The absence of love leads to a misunderstanding that results in a lack of communication between partners (Seiden and Billett, Chapter 2).

Evidence also points to the fact that people without affection portray uncouth behavior. For instance, people who do not love each other indulge in occasional quarrels and wars. The absence of love also makes many people avoid discussions of relationships, which affects the ability of partners to solve disagreements. Relationship discussions aid couples in learning the differences between them (Seiden and Billett Chapter 2). Thus, it is crucial for parties that do not love each other to divorce to avoid turmoil in marriage.

Antisocial behavior

It is challenging and unbearable to withstand any antisocial behavior from anyone, including the partners. I also agree with Emery Robert’s (42) argument that parental antisocial behavior contributes immensely to divorce. Occasionally, most people marry to have companions with whom they can share personal issues. However, some people tend to avoid socializing with their partners after some periods of marriage. Lack of socialization in a marriage is often associated with the discomfort that makes many married people involved in activities that may result in betrayal and exposure to some diseases.

Some marriage partners are also very secretive of their lives, aspirations, and medical conditions that may affect their union. On most occasions, lovers end up in marriages without informing their partners of their sensitive issues. Confiding in a person reluctant to share anything with his partner is dangerous since, on most occasions, it may make another party get into trouble. Thus, it is crucial for a couple that does not socialize freely to divorce.

Marriage cheating

I doubt if there is any person on this earth that can withstand cheating in marriage (Clarke-Stewart and Brentano 5). Bearing cheating of a partner in a marriage is not accepted worldwide. Cheating in marriage can result in the transmission of deadly diseases such as AIDS among partners. It leads also to the diversion of not only love but also resources as most people that cheat in marriages neglect their family responsibilities. I also believe that most cases of unfaithfulness are caused by emotional affairs. On most occasions, people who lack self-control indulge in affairs that may lead to family problems (Seiden and Billett Chapter 2).

Additionally, some people hurt their partners by expressing love and care for their former spouses. Thus, it is crucial for a person who is cheated on to seek a divorce to avoid heartbreaks and contraction of sexually transmitted diseases.

Effects of emotions

According to what takes place in many societies, it is very difficult to associate freely with emotional people. Emotional people are used to quarreling and disagreeing with everything and everyone in society. They have also a tendency of taking everything, including even jokes, very serious. On most occasions, they cannot differ jokes from personal abuse, and their habit of being too secretive also worries very much. However, most people are unaware of the emotional state of their partners as they marry them and find out about the latter after living with them for some time. Since it is difficult to stay with an emotional person as a wife or husband, it may be better for one to seek a divorce in such a case.

Difference in likes

I also believe it is very difficult for persons with different likes to stay together; the difference in likes between married individuals leads to confrontations and mental tortures. They also make married people not only perform activities differently but also disregard each other’s opinions. Thus, it may be a way-out for the parties involved to divorce in such a situation to grant themselves and their children an opportunity of advancing in life.

I know it is very difficult for any person to build a family and plan his/her future with an immature person as a spouse. Immature people are often associated with immature actions. In addition to making the wrong decisions, they also indulge in shameful activities. Immature people also love being supervised, which is an activity that is very difficult to implement. Additionally, it is very difficult to come into agreement with immature persons because of their childish decisions and opinions. If a person marries immature individual hope that his/her partner will change, he may be disappointed because, as a rule, his/her spouse may change, but he/she may not like it. Thus, such people should seek a divorce in case they cannot bear the immaturity of the partner.

It is also evident that none will tolerate having a drug abuser as a wife or a husband. Drug addicts make their families suffer from violence. Additionally, most drug addicts are hard not only to manage but also to share ideas with. Thus, it is crucial for a partner who is exposed to abuses in a family to seek divorce.

Social differences

I believe it is hard for people from different backgrounds to build a family because any family requires a solid foundation, i.e. material basis. That is why people having different social statuses may face the great challenge of accepting the differences in education, views, etc. Additionally, the family members and in-laws from a low stratum tend to be problematic. Thus, the marriage of such people may be broken by the inability to accept social differences and go through economic challenges.

In conclusion, divorce is a societal lawful process that takes place between disagreeing partners in a marriage. These differences are mainly caused by variation in ideas and likes. Loss of love, cheatings, emotions, and immaturity have also been found to trigger divorce. Most people also end up in divorce because of drug abuse and lack of communication as a result of antisocial behavior. The majority of people consider it an inappropriate way of solving marriage problems. However, most of the marriage problems are beyond human ability and owing to the reasons mentioned, I completely disagree with the topic “if I were to get married, I would never consider divorce to be a viable option for any reason.”

Works Cited

Clarke-Stewart, Alison and Cornelia Brentano. Divorce: Causes and Consequences . New York: Yale University Press, 2007. Print.

Emery, Robert E. Marriage, Divorce, and Children’s Adjustment . New York: SAGE, 1999. Print.

Kuehn, Eileen. Divorce: Finding a Place . Oklahoma City: Capstone, 2001. Print.

Seiden, Othniel, and Jane Bilett. I Got Caught Cheating – How Can I Save My Marriage? New York: Crystal Night Books. 2011. Print.

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IvyPanda. (2023, October 30). Divorce: Agreement or Disagreement. https://ivypanda.com/essays/divorce-agreement-or-disagreement/

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1. IvyPanda . "Divorce: Agreement or Disagreement." October 30, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/divorce-agreement-or-disagreement/.

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What Are the Negative Effects of Divorce and Their Impact on Your Life?

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice.

In This Article

If you’re thinking of going through a divorce then you also acknowledge that your life will automatically change dramatically after it.

Depending on your marital situation and how things went with your partner, or who initiated the idea of separation in the first place, your life will either change for either the better or the worse. It doesn’t really matter if you are escaping out of a toxic marriage or the love of your life decided that you weren’t the fit for them after all, divorce always leads to a whole array of unforeseen changes, which can count as being both positive and negative.

In the United States alone, 50% of marriages end up in either divorce or separation . Another interesting fact is that in the same country every 13 seconds a couple is getting divorced.

If you are about to go through the initial stages of divorce or are already freshly divorced from your partner, you have to know how this major event will impact your life from now on.

So, what are the negative effects of divorce? Let’s find out – 

1. Financially

Divorce will automatically impact you socio-economic status.

In a marriage, when you get loans from banks and acquire goods, you split the bill. When you get a divorce , you have to split your belongings accordingly to the divorce settlement. Your status as a divorcee will classify you in an unfavorable manner in the eyes of insurance companies or other financial institutions.

This is the reason why so many people give up on divorce and settle more or less their issues, or separate without getting the divorce on paper. 

2. Relationships

Think of all the people that you met during the time you spent being married to your former spouse. Your relationships with them will inevitably change, because most of the times you met with them while you were beside your ex.

Holidays will change, traditions that you used to keep will be evaporated from the calendar. It’s also painful that some of the people that you befriended will choose your partner’s side, and you’ll have the feeling that they are also trying to separate from you. 

3. Children

If you also have children together with your divorced partner, then things will change even more in your life.

Depending on how you relationship was with him or her, if you divorce on paper, the court will decide how you will split your time spent with your children, if you don’t settle this by yourselves through a common agreement.

Divorce evidently impacts the lives of the children, and this requires the implementing of an entire new idea of parenting.

You’ll have to devise a healthy strategy of raising your children in a new environment, in one which they don’t have both parents at their sides. If the marriage was bad, you can resort to parallel parenting and navigate through it an effective way of raising them.

You’ll have new possibilities

Even if you feel betrayed and go through the devastating emotional phases of abandonment, try to think that it could’ve been even worse. When you feel that your heart is shattered into a million pieces, try to focus on the new way that is laid fresh out in front of you.

Don’t feel sorry for yourself, but instead try to think that if you continue to do that you will only be giving in to the pain that your former partner caused you by separating from you. One of the positive impacts here is that you have regained your freedom to find someone that will be more compatible and less prone to disappoint you.

This is a dangerous situation, because most people will engage in casual dating and try to fill their lonesome whole with casual hedonistic distractions, something which might become an unhealthy habit.

But even so, you’re allowed to have some fun in some limits, so experimenting for a while can also open you up to a new realm of possibilities. And who knows, maybe you’ll even find the one who were looking for after all by casual dating.  

Divorce means change in almost all of the facets that make up all of your daily life.

Although it can be hard to adapt to the new way of life that it imposes on you, it can be done if you are patient and looking forward to the new opportunities that it offers.

So, if you are looking for marital separation, you need first to understand what are the negative effects of divorce, before signing the divorce papers.

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Helping real people move through divorce

Disadvantages of Divorce

Here’s a quick list of the disadvantages of divorce:

• Divorce ends your marriage
• Divorce costs money
• Divorce hurts
• Divorce reduces living standards
• Divorce changes personal relationships
• Divorce may strain your relationship with your church or synagogue
• Divorce hurts children

Divorce ends your marriage.

I know your first reaction when I say this: “Duh, Lee!” But hear me out. Or better still, hear Tom describe his life two and a half years after his simple uncontested divorce from Marlene :

“We both moved on. She returned to school. I got very involved (buried) in my work.

“Now when I talk to her, she is very busy and constantly on the move. I go to work or sit at home, alone. For the last two weeks now, I put on my wedding ring when I go to bed. I’ve been listening to country music (I CAN’T STAND COUNTRY MUSIC, but she loves it.) I can’t stop thinking about getting back together. I REALLY miss her. But she is busy and always doing something.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I wanted to let you know, and others that no matter how sure of your feelings, you should at least attempt counseling . If you don’t, you will always have the thought in the back of your head that you may have thrown away the best thing in your life and not even bothered to see if it should have been thrown away.”

Divorce costs money.

Although not every divorce has to cost $30,000 and drag on for months of wrangling, conflict, and painful betrayal, the fact is that some do. And even if you take control of your divorce the way DivorceInfo encourages and keep conflict , pain , and cost to a minimum, you’ll still spend several hundred dollars to get divorced. You can find out more about the cost of divorce , if you want to.

Divorce hurts.

We all know this in our minds, but it takes going through divorce to know in your gut just how painful divorce is. Imagine whatever adjectives you wish. Chances are they don’t adequately describe the deep, searing, pain that comes from tearing a relationship at the same time that you adapt to the many other changes in your life that often flow from divorce. During divorce, you will likely feel things, think things, say things, and do things that you would never feel, think, say, or do during any other time of your life; that’s why author Abigail Trafford calls divorce “Crazy Time.” No question about it, Divorce Stinks .

Divorce reduces living standards.

Divorce usually results in two households where there was one household before. And since most people don’t have extra money lying around for living expenses, it usually means two households living on the same money that supported one household before. And that means that at least one of you, probably both of you, will be living on a lower standard after you divorce than you have in the past. You’ll most likely need to watch your budget like never before.

Divorce changes personal relationships.

Aside from the obvious change in your relationship with your spouse and members of your spouse’s family, divorce often means changes in your relationships with other people as well. It’s a rare divorcing couple who doesn’t report that at least some of their friends take sides in the divorce, meaning that some of the people you have considered friends for years may now view you as wrong or evil. Also, we know from research that divorced people themselves tend to change their relationships. They tend to spend less time with their married friends and more time with other single people, primarily divorced people.

Divorce may strain your relationship with your church or synagogue.

You probably already know how your church or synagogue will react to news that you are divorcing, but if you don’t know, you should ask your minister, your rabbi, or your priest. Churches and synagogues are likely to react to your divorce like other individuals and organizations. That is, their reaction to you and your divorce will likely turn on how they perceive divorce in general, and to what extent they think you caused the divorce.

Divorce hurts children.

You probably already know that, by and large, children of divorced parents are more likely than other children to suffer one or more of several difficulties, including depression , delinquency, low school performance, and social problems. The key question, of course, is whether these problems stem from the divorce or from other factors that tend to show up often with divorce. We don’t have a clear-cut answer.

The little bit of research that attempts to isolate this question indicates that there are some factors at home that are bad enough that unless they can be eliminated, a divorce might be better for the children. These include violence against the children or the spouse, continuing and open substance abuse, recurring inappropriate expressions of anger (like constant yelling or destruction of property), and continuous involvement of the children in the conflict between Mom and Dad. In the absence of one of these factors, however, research indicates that children of intact but unhappy homes are on average happier and better adjusted than children whose parents have divorced. This is true even when parents make all the right decisions to help their children through divorce.

The groundbreaking research of Judith Wallerstein (the latest installment of which was released in June of 1997) shows that, like it or not:

• Divorce isn’t just a short-term crisis for children. It’s a long-term threat to their academic performance, their ability to commit to relationships, and their mental health.
• Parenting after divorce continues to be a challenge for decades after the divorce decree is signed.
• The relationship between the children of divorce and their parents, particularly between children and their fathers, is likely to be worse than in families that remain intact.

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The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children

Take steps to help kids bounce back faster

• Emotional Impact

Divorce-Related Stress

Risks families face, helping kids adjust.

• Getting Help

As a marriage dissolves, some parents find themselves asking questions like, “ Should we stay together for the kids?” Other parents find divorce is their only option.

And while all parents may have many worries on their mind—from the future of their living situation to the uncertainty of the custody arrangement—they may worry most about how the children will deal with the divorce.

So what are the psychological effects of divorce on children? It depends. While divorce is stressful for all children, some kids rebound faster than others.

The good news is, parents can take steps to reduce the psychological effects of divorce on children. A few supportive parenting strategies can go a long way to helping kids adjust to the changes brought about by divorce .

Verywell / Brianna Gilmartin

Why the First Year Is the Toughest

As you might expect, research has found that kids struggle the most during the first year or two after the divorce.   Kids are likely to experience distress, anger, anxiety, and disbelief.

But many kids seem to bounce back. They get used to changes in their daily routines and they grow comfortable with their living arrangements. Others, however, never really seem to go back to “normal.” This small percentage of children may experience ongoing—possibly even lifelong—problems after their parents’ divorce.

Emotional Impact of Divorce

Divorce creates emotional turmoil for the entire family, but for kids, the situation can be quite scary, confusing, and frustrating :

• Young children often struggle to understand why they must go between two homes. They may worry that if their parents can stop loving one another that someday, their parents may stop loving them.
• Grade school children may worry that the divorce is their fault. They may fear they misbehaved or they may assume they did something wrong.
• Teenagers may become quite angry about a divorce and the changes it creates. They may blame one parent for the dissolution of the marriage or they may resent one or both parents for the upheaval in the family.

Of course, each situation is unique. In extreme circumstances, a child may feel relieved by the separation—if a divorce means fewer arguments and less stress.

Divorce usually means children lose daily contact with one parent—most often fathers. Decreased contact affects the parent-child bond and according to a paper published in 2014, researchers have found many children feel less close to their fathers after divorce.  

Divorce also affects a child’s relationship with the custodial parent—most often mothers. Primary caregivers often report higher levels of stress associated with single parenting.  

A study published in 2013 suggested that mothers are often less supportive and less affectionate after divorce. Additionally, their discipline becomes less consistent and less effective.  

For some children, parental separation isn’t the hardest part. Instead, the accompanying stressors are what make divorce the most difficult. Changing schools, moving to a new home, and living with a single parent who feels a little more frazzled are just a few of the additional stressors that make divorce difficult.

Financial hardships are also common following divorce. Many families have to move to smaller homes or change neighborhoods and they often have fewer material resources.

Many children endure ongoing changes to their family dynamics. The addition of a step-parent and possibly several step-siblings can be another big adjustment. And quite often both parents re-marry, which means many changes for kids.

The failure rate for second marriages is even higher than first marriages. So many children experience multiple separations and divorces over the years.

Mental Health Problems

Divorce may increase the risk for mental health problems in children and adolescents. Regardless of age, gender, and culture, children of divorced parents experience increased psychological problems.  

Divorce may trigger an adjustment disorder in children that resolves within a few months. But, studies have also found depression and anxiety rates are higher in children from divorced parents.

Behavior Problems

Children from divorced families may experience more externalizing problems, such as conduct disorders, delinquency, and impulsive behavior than kids from two-parent families.   In addition to increased behavior problems, children may also experience more conflict with peers after a divorce.

Poor Academic Performance

Children from divorced families don’t always perform as well academically. However, a study published in 2019 suggested kids from divorced families tended to have trouble with school if the divorce was unexpected, whereas children from families where divorce was likely didn't have the same outcome.  

Risk-Taking Behaviors

Adolescents with divorced parents are more likely to engage in risky behavior, such as substance use and early sexual activity. In the United States, adolescents with divorced parents drink alcohol earlier and report higher alcohol, marijuana, tobacco, and drug use than their peers.

Adolescents whose parents divorced when they were 5 years old or younger were at particularly high risk for becoming sexually active prior to the age of 16, according to a study published in 2010.   Separation from fathers has also been associated with higher numbers of sexual partners during adolescence.  

Adults who experienced divorce during childhood may have more relationship difficulties. Divorce rates are higher for people whose parents were divorced.   Parents play a major role in how children adjust to a divorce. Here are some strategies that can reduce the psychological toll divorce has on children:

Co-Parent Peacefully

Intense conflict between parents has been shown to increase children’s distress. Overt hostility, such as screaming and threatening one another has been linked to behavior problems in children.   But minor tension may also increase a child’s distress. If you struggle to co-parent with your ex-spouse, seek professional help.

Avoid Putting Kids in the Middle

Asking kids to choose which parent they like best or giving them messages to give to other parents isn’t appropriate. Kids who find themselves caught in the middle are more likely to experience depression and anxiety.

Maintain Healthy Relationships

Positive communication, parental warmth, and low levels of conflict may help children adjust to divorce better. A healthy parent-child relationship has been shown to help kids develop higher self-esteem and better academic performance following divorce.

Use Consistent Discipline

Establish age-appropriate rules and follow through with consequences when necessary. A study published in 2011 showed effective discipline after divorce reduced delinquency and improved academic performance.  

Monitor Adolescents Closely

When parents pay close attention to what teens are doing and who they spend their time with, adolescents are less likely to exhibit behavior problems following a divorce. That means a reduced chance of using substances and fewer academic problems.

Empower Your Children

Kids who doubt their ability to deal with the changes and those who see themselves as helpless victims are more likely to experience mental health problems. Teach your child that although dealing with divorce is difficult, he has the mental strength to handle it.

Teach Coping Skills

Kids with active coping strategies, like problem-solving skills and cognitive restructuring skills, adapt better to divorce. Teach your child how to manage his thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a healthy way.

Help Kids Feel Safe

Fear of abandonment and concerns about the future can cause a lot of anxiety. But helping your child feel loved, safe, and secure can not only reduce clinginess but also diminish the risk of mental health problems.

Seek Parent Education

There are many programs available to help reduce the impact divorce has on kids. Parents are taught co-parenting skills and strategies for helping kids cope with the adjustments.

Get Professional Help

Reducing your stress level can be instrumental in helping your child. Practice self-care and consider talk therapy or other resources to help you adjust to the changes in your family.

When to Seek Help for Your Child

Despite the fact that divorce is tough on families, staying together for the sole sake of the children may not be the best option. Children who live in homes with a lot of arguing, hostility and discontentment may be at a higher risk for developing mental health issues and behavior problems.

Consequently, following a parental separation, it's normal for kids to struggle with their feelings and their behavior immediately afterwards. But, if your child’s mood issues or behavioral problems persist, seek professional help .

Start by talking to your child’s pediatrician. Discuss your concerns and inquire about whether your child may need professional support. A referral to talk therapy or other supportive services may be recommended.

Individual therapy may help your child sort out his emotions. Family therapy may also be recommended to address changes in family dynamics. Some communities also offer support groups for kids. Support groups allow kids in certain age groups to meet with other children who may be experiencing similar changes in family structure.

Kleinsorge C, Covitz LM. Impact of divorce on children: developmental considerations. Pediatr Rev . 2012;33(4):147-54. doi:10.1542/pir.33-4-147

Rappaport SR. Deconstructing the Impact of Divorce on Children .  Family Law Quarterly . 2013;47(3):353-377.

Anderson J. The impact of family structure on the health of children: Effects of divorce .  Linacre Q . 2014;81(4):378–387. doi:10.1179/0024363914Z.00000000087

Rodriguez-JenKins J, Marcenko MO. Parenting stress among child welfare involved families: Differences by child placement .  Child Youth Serv Rev . 2014;46:19–27. doi:10.1016/j.childyouth.2014.07.024

Wallerstein J, Lewis J, Rosenthal SP. Mothers and their children after divorce: Report from a 25-year longitudinal study .  Psychoanalytic Psychology . 2013;30(2):167-184. doi:10.1037/a0032511.

D'Onofrio B, Emery R. Parental divorce or separation and children's mental health .  World Psychiatry . 2019;18(1):100–101. doi:10.1002/wps.20590

Brand JE, Moore R, Song X, Xie Y. Parental divorce is not uniformly disruptive to children's educational attainment. Proc Natl Acad Sci USA . 2019;116(15):7266-7271. doi:10.1073/pnas.1813049116

Donahue KL, D'Onofrio BM, Bates JE, Lansford JE, Dodge KA, Pettit GS. Early exposure to parents' relationship instability: implications for sexual behavior and depression in adolescence.   J Adolesc Health . 2010;47(6):547–554. doi:10.1016/j.jadohealth.2010.04.004

Ryan RM. Nonresident fatherhood and adolescent sexual behavior: a comparison of siblings approach .  Dev Psychol . 2015;51(2):211–223. doi:10.1037/a0038562

Perelli-Harris B, Berrington A, Sánchez Gassen N, Galezewska P, Holland JA. The Rise in Divorce and Cohabitation: Is There a Link?   Popul Dev Rev . 2017;43(2):303–329. doi:10.1111/padr.12063

Sigal A, Sandler I, Wolchik S, Braver S. Do Parent Education Programs Promote Healthy Post-Divorce Parenting? Critical Distinctions and a Review of the Evidence.  Fam Court Rev . 2011;49(1):120–139. doi:10.1111/j.1744-1617.2010.01357.x

Pollak S. Adversities in childhood and their impact on mental health across the life course.  European Psychiatry . 2016;33.

Sun Y, Li Y. Parental divorce, sibship size, family resources, and children’s academic performance.  Social Science Research . 2009;38(3):622-634.

• Carr CM, Wolchik SA.  International Encyclopedia of the Social & Behavioral Sciences  . 2nd ed. Elsevier Science; 2015.
• Cronin S, Becher EH, Mccann E, Mcguire J, Powell S. Relational conflict and outcomes from an online divorce education program.  Evaluation and Program Planning . 2017;62:49-55.

By Amy Morin, LCSW Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, an international bestselling author of books on mental strength and host of The Verywell Mind Podcast. She delivered one of the most popular TEDx talks of all time.

Home — Essay Samples — Life — Divorce — Divorce, Its Causes, Effects, and Solutions

Divorce, Its Causes, Effects, and Solutions

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The Pros and Cons of Filing for Divorce First

Contact our firm now:.

by Jimenez Law Firm | Apr 10, 2022

Should I Consider Filing for Divorce First?

If you’re thinking of filing for divorce, you may be wondering if filing for divorce first is in your best interest. As with anything, there may be pros and cons of filing first or waiting to be served with divorce papers. If you’re considering filing first, we’re going to take a look at whether there is an advantage.

Benefits of Filing for Divorce First

Some people do see some benefits in initiating the divorce process, although in some cases, it may not matter. But if you want to be the one who files first, here are some advantages of filing that could work in your favor.

When you’re the one filing for divorce first, you can choose the timing of the divorce case . The spouse that files decides when the entire process starts. Choosing when to begin the process sets the timetable for when your spouse has to respond to the papers you have sent. The law gives your spouse 20 days to respond to your divorce papers and hire a divorce attorney if they choose. If you wait for your spouse to file, they would have the benefit of choosing the timing.

Another advantage to filing the divorce first is that you’re in control. You’ve filed the papers and now you have some control over how things proceed. If your case goes to trial, you would go first in the proceedings because you’re the one who filed the papers. Some people feel that going first in the proceedings provides some legal advantages.

3. Choosing Your State

When you file first, you can choose the state where the divorce will take place. Some people prefer to have their divorce filed and heard in a particular state because the divorce laws differ. Topics like alimony, debts, and asset distribution can all be reasons why people choose to get divorced in one state rather than another.

4. Preparation

When you file first, you have more time to prepare. There really is no element of surprise. You already know that the divorce is in motion. You have more time to prepare your case and decide what you want out of the separation.

5. Check Assets

When you are filing for divorce before your spouse, you have time to see if your spouse is hiding any assets. You can make sure that all assets are out in the open and that they haven’t been hiding things during your marriage. Then you’ll be better prepared when it comes to the division of property. It also puts you in a better position to request equitable distribution of all marital property, retirement accounts, etc.

6. You Get the Last Word

Besides having some control, you also have the last word in divorce court. You have the advantage of responding to the defense and having the opportunity of getting the last word before the judge makes a decision.

Disadvantages of Filing for Divorce First

While some people see some benefits of filing for divorce first, there can also be some disadvantages to consider.

1. Your spouse knows your demands

While some see it as a positive thing that their spouse knows what they want and that they’ve set the tone of the divorce, others see that as giving them an advantage. Since they know what is wanted, they have time to prepare a defense.

2. You may pay more

The person who files for divorce can expect to pay more in fees. Also, you’ll have to pay the divorce cost fees for serving your spouse with divorce papers. Besides paying for filing fees, you may also have to pay more in attorney fees. These are things to consider as you think about filing for divorce first.

Common Filing First Questions

If you’re thinking about filing for divorce first, you may have some questions about what’s going to happen and whether there really is a legal advantage.

Why is it best to plan for divorce first?

There are several reasons why people think that it’s better for them to file for divorce first. One of these is that they get first choice of local attorneys. When you’re the one filing, you can choose the best divorce lawyer in the area to represent you. Having a great attorney is key in some cases of community property, the division of assets, custody battles, and more.

You also have time to get all of the necessary documents ready. Since you’re the one filing first, you can visit with your divorce attorney and get a list of documents that you’ll need to have ready. You don’t have to wait around to be the one served.

You can also prepare yourself financially. Being on your own is going to change your financial future situation. When filing for divorce first, you can think about your budget and what your new living expenses are going to look like.

Can both spouses file for divorce?

No, only one spouse can file for divorce. This spouse who files the petition for divorce is referred to as the plaintiff . The other spouse is called the defendant.

Does the person filing divorce automatically get custody of the children?

When it comes to custody, it doesn’t matter who filed for divorce first. Custody does not default to the filing spouse. Other factors will determine this. The judge will look at both parents and decide what’s in the best interest of the child.

The Bottom Line on Filing for Divorce First

As you decide whether you want to be the one to file for divorce, you should consider some things that could play into your favor. This includes having some control over the timing of the proceedings as well as being able to prepare yourself financially and emotionally.

However, those who file first can face more fees and need to realize that they’re showing their cards to their spouse. Your spouse will automatically know your intentions and have time to prepare a defense.

In the end, you need to decide which position is in your best interest. If you’re considering filing for divorce first, you should contact an experienced family law attorney or legal team who can represent you and make your best interests a priority.

Reach out to the law offices of the Jimenez Law Firm for an initial consultation or if you have any questions about prenuptial agreements, postnuptial agreements, divorce mediation, or in regard to property division or filing for divorce. We’re here to help with your child custody, child support, or divorce case.

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Disadvantages of Divorce in the Philippines

1. introduction.

Divorce is a significant life event that affects individuals and families profoundly. In the Philippines, where divorce was legalized relatively recently, it’s essential to understand the disadvantages associated with this legal process. This article explores the disadvantages of divorce in the Philippines and its various aspects.

2. The Legal Context of Divorce in the Philippines

Divorce in the Philippines was legalized in 2019, marking a significant change in family law. Before that, the Philippines was one of the last countries to prohibit divorce.

3. Disadvantages of Divorce in the Philippines

Divorce, while providing an exit from an unhappy marriage, brings several disadvantages. It’s important to be aware of these before pursuing the process.

4. Emotional and Psychological Impact

Divorce often results in emotional turmoil for both spouses. The process can be emotionally draining, leading to feelings of grief, anger, and depression.

5. Impact on Children

One of the most significant disadvantages of divorce is its impact on children. They may experience emotional distress, confusion, and a sense of loss.

6. Financial Implications

Divorce can lead to significant financial changes. Couples may need to divide assets, and one spouse may be required to provide financial support, affecting both parties’ financial stability.

7. Social Stigma and Family Pressure

In the Philippines, there is still a considerable social stigma attached to divorce. Family and societal pressure can add to the stress of the divorce process.

8. Legal and Administrative Challenges

Divorce involves legal and administrative procedures that can be complex and time-consuming. This can be a significant disadvantage, particularly for those who are not well-versed in legal matters.

9. Alternatives to Divorce

Exploring alternatives to divorce, such as legal separation or counseling, can help couples navigate their issues without the disadvantages associated with divorce.

10. The Importance of Legal Guidance

Seeking legal advice and representation is crucial when pursuing divorce in the Philippines. A skilled attorney can help individuals understand their rights and responsibilities.

11. Coping with Divorce

Coping with divorce is a significant challenge. It’s important to have a support system , including friends, family, or a therapist, to help individuals through this difficult period.

12. Conclusion

In conclusion, divorce in the Philippines comes with a set of disadvantages that individuals should be aware of before proceeding. It’s a life-changing decision that impacts emotions, finances, and family dynamics. Seeking legal guidance and emotional support is crucial in navigating the disadvantages associated with divorce.

1. How long does the divorce process take in the Philippines?

The duration of the divorce process in the Philippines can vary, but it generally takes several months to complete.

2. Are there any alternatives to divorce in the Philippines?

Yes, alternatives such as legal separation and counseling can be explored as alternatives to divorce.

3. What are the emotional impacts of divorce?

Divorce can result in emotions like grief, anger, and depression, affecting the mental well-being of both spouses.

4. How does divorce affect children in the Philippines?

Divorce can have a significant impact on children, leading to emotional distress, confusion, and a sense of loss.

5. Is it essential to seek legal advice when considering divorce in the Philippines?

Yes, seeking legal advice is crucial to understand the legal aspects and implications of divorce in the Philippines.

Read More: https://www.courtsandchildren.org/

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What Is the Difference Between Legal and Physical Custody?

Is a Notarized Document Legal for Child Custody?

What’s the Difference Between Legal Separation and Divorce?

Does Legal Aid Help with Divorce in Texas?

• 1.1 2. The Legal Context of Divorce in the Philippines
• 1.2 3. Disadvantages of Divorce in the Philippines
• 1.3 4. Emotional and Psychological Impact
• 1.4 5. Impact on Children
• 1.5 6. Financial Implications
• 1.6 7. Social Stigma and Family Pressure
• 1.7 8. Legal and Administrative Challenges
• 1.8 9. Alternatives to Divorce
• 1.9 10. The Importance of Legal Guidance
• 1.10 11. Coping with Divorce
• 1.11 12. Conclusion
• 1.12.1 1. How long does the divorce process take in the Philippines?
• 1.12.2 2. Are there any alternatives to divorce in the Philippines?
• 1.12.3 3. What are the emotional impacts of divorce?
• 1.12.4 4. How does divorce affect children in the Philippines?
• 1.12.5 5. Is it essential to seek legal advice when considering divorce in the Philippines?

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'golden bachelor' gerry turner officially files to divorce theresa nist, 'golden bachelor' gerry turner files to divorce theresa nist ... hours after split reveal.

"The Golden Bachelor" star Gerry Turner is officially on the path to divorce from Theresa Nist -- he wasted no time filing, doing so mere hours after announcing their split.

TMZ has obtained the divorce papers ... Gerry filed them Friday morning in his hometown of Petersburg, Indiana, and cites an "irretrievable breakdown" of the marriage as the reason for them breaking up.

Gerry says they have a prenup ... so it should be a fairly quick divorce -- plus, they've only been married since the show ended back in January.

As we reported, the newlyweds announced they were divorcing Friday on "Good Morning America" ... telling Juju Chang it was in the best interest of their overall happiness to live apart.

FWIW, they said they really tried to make it work .. even house hunting together near Theresa in New Jersey and in South Carolina, which they saw as a neutral spot where they might be able to put down roots.

It's a pretty shocking split, to say the least, especially since they got married in a big, lavish televised wedding special.

The pair originally hit it off during season 1 of the popular dating reality show last fall.

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Breaking news, ‘golden bachelor’ gerry turner, wife theresa nist to divorce after 3 months of marriage.

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No longer golden.

“Golden Bachelor” lead Gerry Turner and his wife, Theresa Nist, are getting divorced after three months of marriage. The couple made the emotional announcement on “Good Morning America” Friday.

“Theresa and I have had a number of heart-to-heart conversations … and looked closely to our living situations,” he said, noting that they’ve decided to “dissolve” their marriage.

“We just feel like it’s best for the happiness of each of us to live apart,” he said. “I still love this person. There’s no doubt in my mind.”

The pair held hands during the sit-down. Nist explained that they looked at homes in South Carolina and considered New Jersey to settle down, but nothing came of their initial plans.

“I still love you,” the two said to each other. They did have a prenup, consider themselves “best friends” and will stay in touch. Even more, they are still looking for love — just not with each other.

“GMA” teased the shocking interview on Thursday, claiming the two had “something new they want to share” that would “have everyone talking.”

The news comes after reports that they were living separately, with Turner in Indiana and Nist in New Jersey. Turner proposed to Nist over runner-up Leslie Fhima in Costa Rica on the finale, which aired in November.

They married in an ABC-televised ceremony on Jan. 4.

“I promise to be your calm in a storm, to comfort you when you’re sad, to laugh with you when you’re happy, and just stick with you throughout it all,” Nist said in her vows.

“But most of all, to have fun for the rest of the days that we have left on this Earth — which could be another hour,” she joked.

Turner added, “I promise to make you feel comforted in difficult times, and abundantly joyful and great times. I promise in those dark Pillow Talk moments when silence deafens to share my innermost thoughts with you and to listen to yours tenderly and carefully because we have a trust that cannot be broken.”

“I also promise to keep track of your reading glasses all the time, and apparently some of your shoes now,” he quipped.

His daughters Angie and Jenny, as well as Theresa’s daughter, Jen, all spoke during the ceremony.

According to Turner’s Instagram, the “blended family” recently filmed an episode of “Celebrity Family Feud.” It is unclear when the episode will air.

In November 2023, Turner faced criticism when a woman identified only as “Carolyn” alleged to the Hollywood Reporter that she dated him for a few years before finding love on TV.

While their alleged relationship was long over, Turner and the franchise faced criticism for never mentioning this throughout his season.

The widower’s story that stole America’s hearts included losing his wife of 43 years, Toni, to an infection in 2017 and worrying he’d never find love again. However, “Carolyn” provided text messages that alleged Turner was gushing over her less than three months after Toni’s death.

He was also accused of dumping her for gaining weight. In response, Turner told the  New York Times : “I guess I haven’t really looked at it as how accurate it is,” admitting he gave the article a “cursory look.”

“I’ve more looked at it in terms of timing, and how it really doesn’t fit with all of the positive things that are going on in my life right now,” he continued. “I mean, I’m sitting across from Theresa right now, and I look at her, and she’s the love of my life. And I really don’t have time to think about some of the other stuff.”

“I have the wonderful love of Theresa, my partner,” he continued. “I don’t have time to reflect on comments like this. I’m happy to look forward.”

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Wife Packs Up And Moves Out After Being Served Divorce Papers, Husband Expected More Of A Reaction

W hatever path of life we walk on, some ups and downs are inevitable, and the way we react to and deal with all of these things is different for everyone. But while most people know and understand this, there are some who simply can’t take it when someone’s reaction doesn’t meet their expectations.

A great example of this is a story that one Redditor recently shared online. The woman was approached by her husband, who told her that he loves someone else and wants a divorce . Yet, when the woman took it very calmly and agreed to his request, he was the one to flip out and start calling her names. Scroll down to read the full story!

More info:  Reddit

Breakups and divorces are hard on all parties involved, but some people take it to whole different lows

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo) 

A woman was served divorce papers by her husband, who wanted to marry his co-worker, and instead of fighting, she calmly agreed, packed up, and left

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

A couple of weeks later, the guy contacted his wife to complain about her underreaction, and when she told him that she takes time to process, he started throwing insults

Image credits: u/ThrowRACalmincrisis

During the hearing, the man learned that the wife hired her colleague to represent her and flipped out even more, fat-shaming her and accusing her of infidelity

Everything began about a month ago. The OP, a 26-year-old woman, was served divorce papers by her 27-year-old soon-to-be ex-husband, who told her that he was in love with his co-worker and wanted to marry her.

After learning this, she started packing and left not long after. Since she worked as a clerk at a law office, she also asked one of her colleagues to represent her in this tedious process and was soon ready to proceed with the divorce.

A couple of weeks later, the husband contacted the OP, livid about the woman moving out and, more importantly, about her not showing much of an emotional response or “fighting for him.” When she explained to him that she takes time to process things, he started throwing insults, calling her cold, unfeeling, and other things.

Things only got worse when, some days later, the soon-to-be ex-couple had their first hearing, and the man flipped out after seeing that the poster had chosen her colleague to represent her. He began accusing the wife of sleeping with her attorney, and when she denied the claims, he proceeded to further insult her, digging his hole even deeper.

The commenters were very supportive of the OP, complimenting her for her actions and bashing her husband for being a man-child. The poster was quite active with the responses, too, and she shared about how she grew her confidence and theorized that her soon-to-be ex was most likely jealous of her attorney for being everything that he’s not.

Image credits: Sora Shimazaki (not the actual photo) 

Going through a divorce is rarely a pleasant process, and the OP did indeed handle the situation with a level of confidence that not many can boast of. And yet, when situations like this come, they don’t wait until you’re ready. 

Fortunately, there are always people who can help, so to get some advice on how to better deal with divorces and what comes after, Bored Panda  reached out to   Vanessa Marie , who is a certified women’s life coach. She seeks to help her clients by “instilling a positive mindset and reprogramming subconscious beliefs to foster a holistic approach, empowering women in every facet of their lives.”

The expert began by explaining that a choice between divorce and trying to save your marriage rarely has a better option. According to her, it is often “more about what’s healthier for individuals in their unique situations.”

“If you find your self-worth diminishing and your safety and happiness compromised, it might be time to reevaluate,” said Vanessa, adding that, in the end, people should base their decision on their personal well-being and positive growth outside the marriage’s potential.  

Depending on both people involved, the process can turn out just as calm and smooth as it can be chaotic and bumpy. However, if your partner acts similarly to the OP’s husband, the expert suggests to try and remember that the only behavior you can control is your own. 

“The best approach is to stay calm and not engage so as not to get sucked into their negativity. Let your lawyers handle the legal aspects and focus on managing your own responses and emotions,” said the life coach, explaining that all the insults and hurtful actions usually come from a person’s own insecurities.

Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)

Of course, with the legal matters aside, one is still left to deal with the emotional stuff, which can be even more challenging. “To ease the process of going through a divorce and rebuild afterward, anchor yourself in self-worth and a mindset geared towards growth, not resentment,” advised Vanessa.

It is wise to seek the help of friends, family, or professionals, to surround yourself with a strong support network, and get emotional and practical guidance. At the same time, it’s crucial to set yourself on a good path for the future, focusing on new and exciting goals and keeping your energy focused on your growth. 

But even when all is said and done, regret might not always be avoidable. “Navigating regret after a necessary divorce is challenging, yet this is why it’s so important to make each significant decision with confidence and thoughtful consideration,” explained the expert, adding that we should prioritize our long-term well-being. Therefore, even though it’s tough, facing the hardship of divorce is usually a more beneficial choice than enduring an unhappy marriage indefinitely.

Most endings usually seem neither happy nor pretty at the time of their occurrence. However, instead of throwing tantrums over them, like the OP’s husband, it’s good to remember that every ending is also the beginning of something new, and the sooner you make peace with it, the quicker you’ll recover and be able to continue your journey .

What did you think about this story? How would you have handled a partner like that? Tell us all about it in the comments below! 

The commenters supported the woman, complimenting her for her confidence and bashing the husband for his child-like behavior

An Honest Look at the Pros and Cons of Divorce

Consider these topics and how to minimize the negative effects of divorce..

Posted September 27, 2023 | Reviewed by Davia Sills

• The Challenges of Divorce
• Find counselling to heal from a divorce
• Divorce can cause positive and negative outcomes for both the parents and children involved.
• Among the pros are greater freedom, room for growth, and an improved environment for children.
• However, stress and financial challenges can complicate outcomes for the family.

Are you considering divorce? Or has your spouse decided to end the marriage ? Divorce is a complicated and emotional process that can have both positive and negative consequences. Some outcomes are positive for some people but affect others negatively.

Here are some of the pros and cons of divorce.

These are generally considered the pros of divorce:

Freedom and Independence

Pros: Divorce can provide individuals with the freedom and independence to make their own choices and live life on their terms. Don (not his real name) felt that he was in a constant power struggle with his wife. He wanted control over his own life, his environment, and his decisions.

Cons: Some may find this newfound independence overwhelming or lonely , especially if they are accustomed to a long-term partnership. Stuart had grown accustomed to a social life managed by his wife. After the divorce, he withdrew from friendships and struggled with depression .

Escape From Unhealthy Relationships

Pros: Divorce can provide an escape from abusive or toxic relationships, which can lead to improved mental and physical health. Ingrid had lived with an angry husband who frequently berated her in front of other people. She felt she always walked on eggshells to avoid triggering him. After her divorce, she felt liberated and relieved of the chronic stress, and her migraines stopped.

Cons: The divorce process can be emotionally challenging, and most people experience intense emotions during a divorce, such as sadness, anger , guilt , and anxiety . However, these emotions usually subside as you adjust to your new life.

Opportunity for Personal Growth

Pros: Some people view divorce as an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery, leading to a stronger sense of self and increased self-esteem . Tina told me that she felt she had finally found herself after her divorce. She had spent 20 years trying to be the wife her husband wanted. Now, she felt she could come into her own.

Cons: The emotional toll of divorce can hinder personal growth, at least in the short term. In the early stages of divorce, most people are overwhelmed and operating in “crisis mode.” It may be very hard to imagine what your future will look like. Nevertheless, you can focus on building a life that you will find fulfilling. Be patient; it may take one to two years to fully recover from the divorce.

Improved Financial Situation

Pros: Depending on the circumstances, divorce can lead to improved financial stability and the ability to make independent financial decisions. Clara and her husband argued about money all the time. He felt she bought too many clothes, and she accused him of buying expensive electronics. They could not agree on a budget, so they spent beyond their means every month, unable to save for retirement . Both felt that if they divorced , they could become financially independent and stable.

Cons: Divorce can also result in financial hardships, especially if there are disputes over assets, child support, or alimony. Many people have to reduce their lifestyles when they divorce. The same income now has to support two homes. There may be legal expenses, additional therapy costs, or alimony. Downsizing is frequently the best solution, at least for a few years.

Better Environment for Children

Pros: In cases of high-conflict or abusive marriages, divorce may provide a safer and more stable environment for children. Lee and Ellis argued frequently in front of their children. At times, they yelled at each other and shoved each other around, stopping only when their children begged them to or cried. Children in two stable, calm homes feel safer and more secure.

Cons: Children may still experience emotional turmoil and adjustment issues during and after a divorce. Children will also experience the loss of the family unit and may have symptoms due to the trauma of witnessing their parents in conflict. It is normal for children to need 1-2 years to adjust to the new family structure.

These are usually considered the cons of divorce:

Emotional and Psychological Stress

Divorce is almost always emotionally and psychologically taxing, leading to stress, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. Some individuals may struggle with these challenges for an extended period, impacting their overall well-being. Some seem to get stuck in their anger or grief after the divorce and can't “move on.” Working with a therapist can help you work through the emotions so that you can rebuild your new life.

Financial Challenges

While some experience improved financial situations, others may face significant financial challenges, including legal fees, dividing assets, and maintaining separate households. The financial burden of divorce can be long-lasting, affecting both spouses and their children. Supporting two homes may be stressful , and your children may be aware that money is tight.

If possible, protect them from the stress or worry that they might pick up from you. Megan, a child I worked with, told me, “There won’t be Christmas presents this year because Mom took all our money.” Megan felt insecure and angry at her mother.

Impact on Children

One of the most common worries parents express is how the divorce will “damage our children.” Divorce can create a more stable and peaceful home environment in some cases, which may be better for children’s well-being. Children often face emotional and psychological challenges during and after divorce, and it can strain parent-child relationships when they are drawn into loyalty binds or assume the roles of ally, messenger, spy, or confidante.

Social Stigma

In some cases, divorce may free individuals from a marriage that wasn’t socially or culturally accepted. Divorce can still carry a social stigma in some communities and cultures, leading to judgment and isolation. While the stigma of divorce has decreased over the past decades, many people still carry an internalized stigma. James said that the voice in his head kept saying, “You’re a failure, you’re a loser, you’ll never be happy, etc.” Remind yourself that it is the marriage that failed, not necessarily that you failed. It helps to understand your contribution to the failure of the marriage so that you can avoid those mistakes in the future.

Legal Process Complexity and Stress

The legal system can provide structure and protection during divorce proceedings. The law is there to protect you if necessary. Navigating the legal system can be time-consuming, expensive, and emotionally draining. However, if you choose an alternate dispute resolution process that keeps you out of court, the divorce will be less stressful. Consider mediation or a collaborative divorce instead.

Whether you are contemplating divorce or your spouse has already made the decision, these topics are worth discussing, perhaps with the help of a therapist. Some of these points may not be relevant to your circumstances, but seek guidance and support if you do decide to divorce. With the help of an experienced divorce coach or therapist, you may be able to reduce some of the negative outcomes.

© Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. 2023

Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. , is the author of The Parent's Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce.

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Gerry Turner is single again. Golden Bachelor, Theresa Nist announce they're divorcing

Three months after tying the knot on national television, "The Golden Bachelor" stars Gerry Turner and Theresa Nist are divorcing.

The couple announced their breakup in an interview aired Friday on “Good Morning America.”

Turner, 72, was the first bachelor on ABC’s senior reality dating series. He’s lived in Hudson, Indiana, since moving there with his first wife in 2017. She died shortly after.

America in November 2023 saw Turner propose to Nist, a New Jersey financial services professional, after about three weeks of filming for the elimination-style show.

“Theresa and I have had a number of heart-to-heart conversations, and we’ve looked closely at our situation, our living situation, so forth and — and we’ve kind of come to the conclusion mutually that it’s probably time for us to — dissolve our marriage,” Turner told journalist Juju Chang during the interview.

Nist was one of 22 women, ages 60 and older, to appear on the first season of the show. More than six million viewers tuned in for the finale, in which Turner chose between Nist and Minnesota fitness instructor Leslie Fhima.

“We have received so much love and support from so many people who watched ‘The Golden Bachelor,’ and I don’t think we can tell you how many people told us that it gave them so much hope,” Nist said during the interview. “We want none of that to change for anybody.” 

Turner and Nist married Jan. 4 in a ceremony  broadcast live on ABC with lots of participation from “The Golden Bachelor” cast. Cast member Susan Noles officiated.

The Golden spoils

Turner got Hollywood representation and the couple partnered with Amazon, creating an wedding registry of household goods that caught their eye on the site, including his and her electric toothbrushes, a Hamilton Beach retro-style milkshakemaker , a pickleball set , a $300 birdhouse  and coffeemakers — both a retro-style Smeg and a Keurig .

But they never moved in together. 

“The thing that strikes me the most in our conversations, it’s been how dedicated both of us are to our families,” Turner said. “So we look at these situations and I think we just feel like it’s best for the happiness of each of us to live apart.” 

Turner has an adult daughter who lives in the Indianapolis area and another one who lives in Yorkville, Illinois.

Nist, who was married for 42 years to her high school sweetheart,  William “Bill” Nist before his 2014 death, remains in Shrewsbury, New Jersey.

“We looked at homes in South Carolina, we considered New Jersey, and we just looked at homes after home, but we never got to the point where we made that decision,” Nist said.

Golden Bachelor on the perfect date: Gerry Turner says he 'picked the greatest woman in the world' on 'Golden Bachelor'

Before he revealed who he chose on “The Golden Bachelor,” Turner told IndyStar that he and his love were working out their residency situation.

“I think I've resolved it with my person. We've had good conversation about it; and there are a number of options and we haven't come to a final conclusion on that," he said during a visit to the newsroom last fall. “I really like where I live. She really likes where she lives. But we also are financially able to have a third home if we want to. So there's just a lot of ways we could go about it."

There's still love

The couple said they will return the Neil Lane rings they got for the wedding, but they still have love for each other.

“There’s no doubt in my mind, I still am in love with her. I root for her every day,” Turner said. 

“Yeah, I still love him,” Nist said. 

'The Golden Bachelor' Season One: Gerry Turner has made his final choice. Here's our coverage from the first season

Gerry Turner's dating history

The week of the finale, The Hollywood Reporter   published a story anonymously quoting a woman who said she was in a long-term relationship with Turner; the show had presented him as having limited dating experience since the death of his wife.  

The woman told the publication she and Turner began dating within weeks of his wife’s death; and, at his behest, she quit her job and moved to his home in Indiana, where she said he insisted they split expenses, derided her for gaining weight and forced her out of the home on short notice after the resulting 2019 breakup. 

Nist said that had no bearing on the outcome of the marriage and that Turner had told her of the report before it was released.

Was there a prenup?

Chang said on GMA the couple told her they have a prenuptial agreement, and that they recommend it for other couples.

"The Golden Bachelorette" in the works

The new addition to ABC’s “The Bachelor” franchise was so successful that the network is doing a female-led series “ The Golden Bachelorette “ premiering this fall. A second season of "The Golden Bachelor" also is on the way.

Gerry Turner and Theresa Nist have more to say

Chang's full interview with the former couple airs during tonight's episode of " Nightline ." The show is at 12:37 a.m.

Contact IndyStar reporter Cheryl V. Jackson at [email protected] or 317-444-6264. Follow her on X:  @cherylvjackson .

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Jessica Grose

Get tech out of the classroom before it’s too late.

By Jessica Grose

Opinion Writer

Jaime Lewis noticed that her eighth-grade son’s grades were slipping several months ago. She suspected it was because he was watching YouTube during class on his school-issued laptop, and her suspicions were validated. “I heard this from two of his teachers and confirmed with my son: Yes, he watches YouTube during class, and no, he doesn’t think he can stop. In fact, he opted out of retaking a math test he’d failed, just so he could watch YouTube,” she said.

She decided to do something about it. Lewis told me that she got together with other parents who were concerned about the unfettered use of school-sanctioned technology in San Luis Coastal Unified School District, their district in San Luis Obispo, Calif. Because they knew that it wasn’t realistic to ask for the removal of the laptops entirely, they went for what they saw as an achievable win: blocking YouTube from students’ devices. A few weeks ago, they had a meeting with the district superintendent and several other administrators, including the tech director.

To bolster their case, Lewis and her allies put together a video compilation of clips that elementary and middle school children had gotten past the district’s content filters.

Their video opens on images of nooses being fitted around the necks of the terrified women in the TV adaptation of “The Handmaid’s Tale.” It ends with the notoriously violent “Singin’ in the Rain” sequence from “A Clockwork Orange.” (Several versions of this scene are available on YouTube. The one she pointed me to included “rape scene” in the title.) Their video was part of a PowerPoint presentation filled with statements from other parents and school staff members, including one from a middle school assistant principal, who said, “I don’t know how often teachers are using YouTube in their curriculum.”

That acknowledgment gets to the heart of the problem with screens in schools. I heard from many parents who said that even when they asked district leaders how much time kids were spending on their screens, they couldn’t get straight answers; no one seemed to know, and no one seemed to be keeping track.

Eric Prater, the superintendent of the San Luis Coastal Unified School District, told me that he didn’t realize how much was getting through the schools’ content filters until Lewis and her fellow parents raised concerns. “Our tech department, as I found out from the meeting, spends quite a lot of time blocking certain websites,” he said. “It’s a quite time-consuming situation that I personally was not aware of.” He added that he’s grateful this was brought to his attention.

I don’t think educators are the bad guys here. Neither does Lewis. In general, educators want the best for students. The bad guys, as I see it, are tech companies.

One way or another, we’ve allowed Big Tech’s tentacles into absolutely every aspect of our children’s education, with very little oversight and no real proof that their devices or programs improve educational outcomes. Last year Collin Binkley at The Associated Press analyzed public records and found that “many of the largest school systems spent tens of millions of dollars in pandemic money on software and services from tech companies, including licenses for apps, games and tutoring websites.” However, he continued, schools “have little or no evidence the programs helped students.”

It’s not just waste, very likely, of taxpayer money that’s at issue. After reading many of the over 900 responses from parents and educators to my questionnaire about tech in schools and from the many conversations I had over the past few weeks with readers, I’m convinced that the downsides of tech in schools far outweigh the benefits.

Though tech’s incursion into America’s public schools — particularly our overreliance on devices — hyperaccelerated in 2020, it started well before the Covid-19 pandemic. Google, which provides the operating system for lower-cost Chromebooks and is owned by the same parent company as YouTube, is a big player in the school laptop space, though I also heard from many parents and teachers whose schools supply students with other types and brands of devices.

As my newsroom colleague Natasha Singer reported in 2017 (by which point “half the nation’s primary- and secondary-school students” were, according to Google, using its education apps), “Google makes $30 per device by selling management services for the millions of Chromebooks that ship to schools. But by habituating students to its offerings at a young age, Google obtains something much more valuable”: potential lifetime customers.

The issue goes beyond access to age-inappropriate clips or general distraction during school hours. Several parents related stories of even kindergartners reading almost exclusively on iPads because their school districts had phased out hard-copy books and writing materials after shifting to digital-only curriculums. There’s evidence that this is harmful: A 2019 analysis of the literature concluded that “readers may be more efficient and aware of their performance when reading from paper compared to screens.”

“It seems to be a constant battle between fighting for the students’ active attention (because their brains are now hard-wired for the instant gratification of TikTok and YouTube videos) and making sure they aren’t going to sites outside of the dozens they should be,” Nicole Post, who teaches at a public elementary school in Missouri, wrote to me. “It took months for students to listen to me tell a story or engage in a read-aloud. I’m distressed at the level of technology we’ve socialized them to believe is normal. I would give anything for a math or social studies textbook.”

I’ve heard about kids disregarding teachers who tried to limit tech use, fine motor skills atrophying because students rarely used pencils and children whose learning was ultimately stymied by the tech that initially helped them — for example, students learning English as a second language becoming too reliant on translation apps rather than becoming fluent.

Some teachers said they have programs that block certain sites and games, but those programs can be cumbersome. Some said they have software, like GoGuardian, that allows them to see the screens of all the students in their classes at once. But classroom time is zero sum: Teachers are either teaching or acting like prison wardens; they can’t do both at the same time.

Resources are finite. Software costs money . Replacing defunct or outdated laptops costs money . When it comes to I.T., many schools are understaffed . More of the money being spent on tech and the maintenance and training around the use of that tech could be spent on other things, like actual books. And badly monitored and used tech has the most potential for harm.

I’ve considered the counterarguments: Kids who’d be distracted by tech would find something else to distract them; K-12 students need to gain familiarity with tech to instill some vague work force readiness.

But on the first point, I think other forms of distraction — like talking to friends, doodling and daydreaming — are better than playing video games or watching YouTube because they at least involve children engaging with other children or their own minds. And there’s research that suggests laptops are uniquely distracting . One 2013 study found that even being next to a student who is multitasking on a computer can hurt a student’s test scores.

On the second point, you can have designated classes to teach children how to keyboard, code or use software that don’t require them to have laptops in their hands throughout the school day. And considering that various tech companies are developing artificial intelligence that, we’re meant to understand, will upend work as we know it , whatever tech skills we’re currently teaching will probably be obsolete by the time students enter the work force anyway. By then, it’ll be too late to claw back the brain space of our nation’s children that we’ve already ceded. And for what? So today’s grade schoolers can be really, really good at making PowerPoint presentations like the ones they might one day make as white-collar adults?

That’s the part that I can’t shake: We’ve let tech companies and their products set the terms of the argument about what education should be, and too many people, myself included, didn’t initially realize it. Companies never had to prove that devices or software, broadly speaking, helped students learn before those devices had wormed their way into America’s public schools. And now the onus is on parents to marshal arguments about the detriments of tech in schools.

Holly Coleman, a parent of two who lives in Kansas and is a substitute teacher in her district, describes what students are losing:

They can type quickly but struggle to write legibly. They can find info about any topic on the internet but can’t discuss that topic using recall, creativity or critical thinking. They can make a beautiful PowerPoint or Keynote in 20 minutes but can’t write a three-page paper or hand-make a poster board. Their textbooks are all online, which is great for the seams on their backpack, but tangible pages under your fingers literally connect you to the material you’re reading and learning. These kids do not know how to move through their day without a device in their hand and under their fingertips. They never even get the chance to disconnect from their tech and reconnect with one another through eye contact and conversation.

Jonathan Haidt’s new book, “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness,” prescribes phone-free schools as a way to remedy some of the challenges facing America’s children. I agree that there’s no place for smartphones on a K-12 campus. But if you take away the phones and the kids still have near-constant internet connectivity on devices they have with them in every class, the problem won’t go away.

When Covid hit and screens became the only way for millions of kids to “attend” school, not having a personal device became an equity issue. But we’re getting to a point where the opposite may be true. According to the responses to my questionnaire, during the remote-school era, private schools seemed to rely far less on screens than public schools, and many educators said that they deliberately chose lower-tech school environments for their own children — much the same way that some tech workers intentionally send their kids to screen-free schools.

We need to reframe the entire conversation around tech in schools because it’s far from clear that we’re getting the results we want as a society and because parents are in a defensive crouch, afraid to appear anti-progress or unwilling to prepare the next generation for the future. “I feel like a baby boomer attacking like this,” said Lewis.

But the drawbacks of constant screen time in schools go beyond data privacy, job security and whether a specific app increases math performance by a standard deviation. As Lewis put it, using tech in the classroom makes students “so passive, and it requires so little agency and initiative.” She added, “I’m very concerned about the species’ ability to survive and the ability to think critically and the importance of critical thinking outside of getting a job.”

If we don’t hit pause now and try to roll back some of the excesses, we’ll be doing our children — and society — a profound disservice.

The good news is that sometimes when the stakes become clear, educators respond: In May, Dr. Prater said, “we’re going to remove access to YouTube from our district devices for students.” He added that teachers will still be able to get access to YouTube if they want to show instructional videos. The district is also rethinking its phone policy to cut down on personal device use in the classroom. “For me,” he said, “it’s all about how do you find the common-sense approach, going forward, and match that up with good old-fashioned hands-on learning?” He knows technology can cause “a great deal of harm if we’re not careful.”

Jessica Grose is an Opinion writer for The Times, covering family, religion, education, culture and the way we live now.

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‘Golden Bachelor’ star Gerry Turner immediately files for divorce from Theresa Nist after announcing split

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All that glitters is not golden.

“Golden Bachelor” star Gerry Turner immediately filed for divorce from his wife, Theresa Nist, after they announced their split on “Good Morning America.”

Turner requested to end his three-month marriage to Nist in an Indiana court Friday, according to court documents obtained by Page Six.

Turner, 72, cited an “irretrievable breakdown” as the reason for the split and listed Friday as the former couple’s date of separation.

Just hours before the retired restaurateur’s filing, he and Nist, 70, appeared together on “GMA” to announce that they were ending their short-lived union.

“Theresa and I have had a number of heart-to-heart conversations, and we’ve looked closely at our situation, our living situation, so forth, and we’ve kind of come to the conclusion mutually that it’s probably time for us to dissolve our marriage,” he told viewers.

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When journalist Juju Chang asked whether that meant a “divorce,” Turner replied, “Yes.”

Nist added that she and Turner “have received so much love and support from so many people” who watched them on the inaugural season of “The Golden Bachelor” last year.

“I don’t think we can tell you how many people told us that it gave them so much hope. We want none of that to change for anybody,” she explained.

The former ABC personalities ultimately decided to end their marriage due to distance issues and “how dedicated” they are to their respective families. (Nist resided near her children in New Jersey, while Turner lived in Indiana near his two daughters and his grandchildren.)

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“We looked at homes in South Carolina, we considered New Jersey, and we just looked at homes after home, but we never got to the point where we made that decision,” Nist said.

Turner added, “We look at these situations, and I think we just feel like it’s best for the happiness of each of us to … to live apart.”

Though Turner and Nist decided to split, they shared that they still “love” each other.

Last November, the first-ever “Golden Bachelor” proposed to the financial services professional with a 3.15-carat sparkler  that featured a princess-cut center stone.

Turner and Nist tied the knot during a live televised special in January.

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