college essay about parents addiction

Essay on Drug Addiction of My Parents and Its Effect on Me

This is my story about how my parents drug addiction has affected me, and my life.  Imagine parents, the two most valuable and important people in your life. Who are supposed to love you, and support you, protect you. My parent’s addiction came first, over me and my brother. The drugs took a bigger part in my parents’ life, more so than us children. The best thing to do in a situation like this, is to make the best of the given situation, and that’s all I could do, that’s all anyone could do.

I remember waking up in the middle of the night to people screaming. My little brother was so scared he came running into my room just crying, and at that given moment. I thought to myself , “Not Again”. As I knew what would happen when the police showed up once more and tried to break up my family. I contemplated “this time would be different, my parents loved us, they wouldn’t keep having their children suffer like this”. I was wrong.

The police swarmed into the house, searched everything top to bottom. Up and down the stairs they went searching my room, my brothers, anywhere they could think of that held evidence of drug abuse. That was the night my mother and father were arrested for using and having the intent to distribute methamphetamine. A night that changed everything in my family’s life.

That night was when I finally came to the realization that this is what drugs do to a person. They lose their mind and the mental capacity to make smart decisions, or any choices to be clear. It hinders their mind in such a way that living normally is next to unfeasible. All they can ever do is think about how to reach that next fix, no matter the cost. No matter how or who they hurt in the process. I have undergone this, countless times with my parents. So much that it just seemed like a daily routine in my problematic life.  

Imagine, a parent stealing from their child. For me I didn’t have to. I am living proof that no matter what, drugs become a bigger priority  over someone’s own flesh and blood. My own parents would steal from me, take my possessions and trade them into a  pawn shop to get money. Apparently, 8oz of methamphetamine was more important than their children eating or having clean clothes, belongings etc. Figures, but what can anyone expect coming from a known drug addict. 

I recollect one Christmas where me and my brother were both given a $50 gift card to Walmart. I woke up that morning on Christmas day, just to find out that my parents stole our gift cards and spent it all on drugs. I used to believe when I was younger that all the things happening were somehow my fault. That I was the one causing my family to tear apart. I recollect how every night of my childhood; I would sit in my room and just cry about my life. I slowly started to hate myself. Thinking that I was the one who had pushed my family away from loving me.  That’s when I grasped the reason that it’s not me that was the problem, it’s the people around me who were the issue. 

It never was my fault for the way my family ended up, it was my parents. Through the years of forethought and my own mistakes made. I knew the negative thoughts about my broken family were wrong.  My parents knew exactly what they were doing when they used the drugs for the first time. Even more, they knew the risks before deciding that they were going to try the multitude of drugs, and ultimately develop an addiction. Which is why I don’t think addiction is a disease, but whether or not you have the willpower to say no. I’ve bared witness firsthand of  the destructive power that addiction possesses. Many individuals may disagree, but  many people have never truly experienced this harsh reality of life and had to grow up this way.  I always felt I had to grow up a lot quicker than normal kids. Because if I didn’t, no one else would take care of me or my little brother.  I’ve had to face many challenges in my life with this mindset, but I know that it has made me into a stronger individual.

As I grew up, I have recognized that I’m grateful now that I had experienced the reality of my younger life. Because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Most importantly, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Going through these challenges has changed my life for the better. I know that I don’t have to grow up to live in the shadows of my failing parents. I make my own path, and if I could thank my parents today, I would. I now realize that I’m going to do bigger and better things and not repeat this vicious cycle of drug abuse and neglect.  Because, I have seen the devastation that drug abuse causes, and I know firsthand that the life of a drug addict is not designed but chosen.

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How Does Addiction Affect Families Essay

The proposed paper will revolve around the problem of addiction and its impact on families, their functioning, relations between members, and children. At the same time, the importance of emotional support and empathy in families in treating individuals with this problem and reducing the number of relapses is also outlined. In this regard, the following thesis will be offered:

Addiction has multiple adverse effects on families and all members preconditioning deterioration of relations and high risk of the development of abuse among children, while emotional support and empathy can help to decrease the number of relapses and help to treat patients.

To prove the given statement and provide credible evidence, peer-reviewed articles will be used as the central source of information. It will guarantee the relevance of findings and their practical utility. The presented work will offer a detailed analysis of the problem, along with its discussion.

Introduction

Family is a basic institution of society as it guarantees its functioning and evolution. For this reason, there is much attention devoted to the peculiarities of this unit and factors that have both negative and positive effects on it. The sober fact is that the health of all members of the family is a key aspect of the improvement of relations between all individuals belonging to it and the evolution of this institution. At the same time, some stressors or undesired behaviors might have a pernicious impact on families and all their members. For this reason, it is essential to assess all possible factors related to the functioning of households with the pivotal aim to determine their effects and offer ways to avoid undesired consequences, and establish a paradigm that will foster the evolution of this unit. Addiction can be related to the factors mentioned above, as its negative effects are apparent today. In this regard, the paper will delve into the problem of substance abuse and its influence on families.

The problem of addiction remains one of the major concerns for the modern healthcare sector. The threatening statistics demonstrate the growing number of adults and children who engage in these undesired behaviors and acquire different kinds of issues related to the adverse effects of substances on mental and physical health (Atadokht, Hajloo, Karimi, & Narimani, 2015). Regarding the selected topic, multiple researchers admit the existence of various threats for families where parents or children have addictive behaviors.

They include deterioration of relations, the appearance of health concerns, acquisition of new addictive behaviors. At the same time, there is a solid body of evidence showing the emotional support provided by individuals within a household can have a significant impact on the reduction in the number of relapses and better recovery processes. With this in mind, it is the following research paper will encompass knowledge related to the issue and outline the most critical assumptions and findings related to the effect of substance addiction on families.

Importance of Family Support

Addiction might have multiple effects on the emotional state of families and trigger different responses among their members. Moreover, in a high number of cases, abuse can be promoted by responses from close people. The results of studies show that there is a significant positive correlation between the frequency of relapse and tolerance, negative attitude, emotional response, and expressed emotion (Atadokht et al., 2015).

It means that individuals with addiction introduce specific changes in the structure of existing relations and precondition the emergence of various alterations in their reactions. At the same time, this factor remains an important component of the given problem as the decrease of perceived social support from family, or close people is linked to the increase of relapse probability (Atadokht et al., 2015). In this regard, addiction affects families by triggering various types of responses, and their character, either positive or negative, influences the frequency of new cases, which is vital for treatment and recovery.

Negative Attitudes

Today, addiction is recognized as a disease presupposing a significant impact of biological, social, and psychological factors on the health and behavior of an individual. It means that the given state should be considered an illness and treated appropriately, which presupposes specific changes in attitudes and mentalities. Unfortunately, addiction might also affect family members in undesired ways by triggering the appearance of negative emotions related to a person who has this problem. The given alteration in relations might precondition the increase in the number of new cases and severer reactions.

Moreover, the success of treatment depends on the support provided by close people, and negative moods and attitudes will reduce the change for complete recovery (Atadokht et al., 2015). It is one of the problems that can be seen in households with a person who has this health issue. The frequency of this sort of reaction remains high, which means that substance abuse can be considered a facilitator of negative emotions in families.

Adolescent Addiction

Speaking about addiction among adolescents, its effects on family might also be severe. There is still limited research related to the effects of substance dependence among teens on parenting and family function, which introduces the need for additional investigation (Choate, 2015). However, the existing evidence shows the critical deterioration of relations between a young person and parents preconditioned by the appearance of the problem and its development.

The adverse effects might include the lack of understanding between family members, increased frequency of conflicts, absence of trust, and detachment between parents and their children. Studies also show that children have fewer chances to adapt their behaviors and engage in cooperation (Choate, 2015). Under these conditions, the opposition of young and adult family members should be resolved with the help of emotional support and tolerant attitudes vital for adolescents in such period of his/her life.

Negative Impact of Parents’ Addiction on Children

There are also multiple studies demonstrating the appearance of numerous harmful effects of addicted parents on their children. First of all, in many families with an adult who has abusive behaviors, cases of violence are reported (Hernandez, Rodriguez, & Spirito, 2016). Being unable to control their actions, parents might beat their children and injure them. Additionally, because of the decreased attention to their problems and the lack of time, the overall functioning of children, their socialization, communication with peers, and schooling also suffer (Hernandez et al., 2016).

In many cases, young members of the family can be ashamed of their adults because of the existence of mainly negative attitudes to addicted people in societies (Sakiyama et al., 2015). Under these conditions, the lack of emotional support, emerging problems in communication aggravated by the lack of money, and constant conflicts create the basis for the appearance of a high risk of undesired behaviors among children and difficulties with their socialization.

Predisposition Among Children

Among the effects addiction might have on families, the emergence of predisposition to substance abuse among children should be considered one of the most undesired ones. In the traditional approach, a nuclear family (with mother and father) is viewed as a barrier to the appearance and development of addictions as they provide the needed emotional support and tolerance to their children (Ewing et al., 2015). However, the alteration in this pattern and the emergence of an addictive parent increases the change of the development of substance abuse among children significantly (Smith & Wilson, 2016).

The lack of resilience and empathy causes substance abuse among children, and their intention to use drugs (Velleman & Templeton, 2016). This negative impact becomes one of the most problematic aspects of the problem of addiction in families, and it contributes to the appearance of risk groups with similar characteristics and chances to become addicted.

Addiction and School Performance

A significant deterioration of children’s academic successes and their inability to reach the usual school performance level are other possible effects of addiction on the functioning of families and their members. Parental substance use negatively affects adolescent’s learning activities and their ability to succeed in educational establishments (Gifford, Sloan, Eldred, & Evans, 2015). Because of the lack of attention and interest among adults, children become less motivated to do their best and accomplish various tasks. Moreover, conflicts in families, financial issues, and violent behaviors might also limit their opportunities to succeed (Gifford et al., 2015).

At the same time, research shows that positive emotions, support, empathy, and treatment provided to a family member who has this sort of problem might help to improve the academic performance of a child and guarantee his/her ability to learn (Gifford et al., 2015). For this reason, this negative effect should be considered when cogitating about the topic.

Mothers’ Addiction Impact on Families

Analyzing the problem, the negative impact of the mother’s addiction on families and children should be discussed. Being critically important for a child, especially during the first years of his/her life, a woman plays a vital role in the formation of appropriate behavioral patterns, responses, and actions. For this reason, researchers admit the existence of a strong correlation between maternal addiction and the functioning of children, their development stages, and the ability to succeed in various activities (Schuman et al., 2017).

At the same time, women with abusive behaviors are expected to have problems with their husbands or partners because of the appearance of misunderstandings and conflicts preconditioned by this factor (Schuman et al., 2017). Only in rare cases, the emotional support and appropriate attitudes contribute to the better resolution of the problem and recovery. For this reason, this issue should be investigated to propose practical solutions that can be used to manage the pernicious impact of addiction among mothers.

Maternal Behavior

The existing research also shows the appearance of serious alterations in maternal behavioral patterns among addicted mothers. In healthy women, the views of their babies’ faces trigger a strong reaction that is considered a part of their motherly instinct; however, mothers with addictions demonstrate a pattern of decreased activation in dopamine and oxytocin-innervated brain regions, which means that the strength of their responses is weaker (Kim et al., 2017).

It is a threatening sign proving the appearance of physiological changes in the functioning of women’s bodies under the impact of addiction and deterioration of their maternal function, which might have a pernicious effect on the life of families. At the same time, the quality of responses to older children also alters, and mothers become less emotional and emphatic (Kim et al., 2017). In the long-term perspective, it might trigger undesired behaviors among adolescents and their inability to succeed.

Parental Involvement

Finally, the existing evidence shows that addiction might harm parental involvement. Under statistics, adults who use drugs or alcohol have a decreased level of interest for their children and the situation in the family (Hernandez et al., 2016). It comes from the appearance of the psychological and physiological dependence on substances and the need for their constant use (Hernandez et al., 2016). However, from the perspective of the family, it causes a destructive impact on relations and the ability to evolve. A partner and children will suffer from the lack of participation and deteriorated behavioral patterns, which might destroy this institution.

Altogether, the problem of substance addiction and its impact on families remain topical as multiple effects should be discussed. The paper offers the most significant aspects that should be analyzed because of their critical significance for households. Parents and children might suffer from the deterioration of relations between them, the lack of trust, or interest. At the same time, positive emotions, support, and assistance are critical elements of successful recovery and rehabilitation. For this reason, it is recommended to continue the investigation of this topic to find additional data related to it.

Atadokht, A., Hajloo, N., Karimi, M., & Narimani, M. (2015). The role of family expressed emotion and perceived social support in predicting addiction relapse. International Journal of High Risk Behaviors & Addiction , 4 (1), 1-5.

Choate, P. W. (2015). Adolescent alcoholism and drug addiction: The experience of parents. Behavioral Sciences , 5 (4), 461-476.

Ewing, B. A., Osilla, K. C., Pedersen, E. R., Hunter, S. B., Miles, J. N., & D’Amico, E. J. (2015). Longitudinal family effects on substance use among an at-risk adolescent sample. Addictive Behaviors , 41 , 185-191.

Gifford, E., Sloan, F., Eldred, L., & Evans, K. (2015). Intergenerational effects of parental substance-related convictions and adult drug treatment court participation on children’s school performance. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 85 (5), 452-468. Web.

Hernandez, L., Rodriguez, A., & Spirito, A. (2016). Brief family based intervention for substance abusing adolescents. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 24 (3), 585-599. Web.

Kim, S., Iyenhar, U., Mayes, L., Potenza, M., Rutherford, H., & Starhearn, L. (2017). Mothers with substance addictions show reduced reward responses when viewing their own infant’s face. Human Brain Mapping, 38 (11), 4521-5439. Web.

Sakiyama, H. M., Padin, M. D. F. R., Canfield, M., Laranjeira, R., & Mitsuhiro, S. S. (2015). Family members affected by a relative’s substance misuse looking for social support: Who are they? Drug and Alcohol Dependence , 147 , 276-279.

Schuman, N., DeCoste, C., McMahon, T., Dalton, R., Mayes, L., & Borelly, J. (2017). Mothering from the Inside Out: Results of a second randomized clinical trial testing a mentalization-based intervention for mothers in addiction treatment. Development and Psychopathology, 29 (2), 617-636. Web.

Smith, V. C., & Wilson, C. R. (2016). Families affected by parental substance use. Paediatrics , 138 (2), 1-13.

Velleman, R., & Templeton, L. J. (2016). Impact of parents’ substance misuse on children: An update. Psych Advances , 22 (2), 108-117.

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College Essay: My Parents’ Sacrifice Makes Me Strong

After living in Texas briefly, my mom moved in with my aunt in Minnesota, where she helped raise my cousins while my aunt and uncle worked. My mom still glances to the building where she first lived. I think it’s amazing how she first moved here, she lived in a small apartment and now owns a house. 

My dad’s family was poor. He dropped out of elementary school to work. My dad was the only son my grandpa had. My dad thought he was responsible to help his family out, so he decided to leave for Minnesota   because  of  many  work opportunities .   

My parents met working in cleaning at the IDS  C enter during night shifts. I am their only child, and their main priority was not leaving me alone while they worked. My mom left her cleaning job to work mornings at a warehouse. My dad continued his job in cleaning at night.   

My dad would get me ready for school and walked me to the bus stop while waiting in the cold. When I arrived home from school, my dad had dinner prepared and the house cleaned. I would eat with him at the table while watching TV, but he left after to pick up my mom from work.   

My mom would get home in the afternoon. Most memories of my mom are watching her lying down on the couch watching her  n ovelas  –  S panish soap operas  – a nd falling asleep in the living room. I knew her job was physically tiring, so I didn’t bother her.  

Seeing my parents work hard and challenge Mexican customs influence my values today as a person. As a child, my dad cooked and cleaned, to help out my mom, which is rare in Mexican culture. Conservative Mexicans believe men are superior to women; women are seen as housewives who cook, clean and obey their husbands. My parents constantly tell me I should get an education to never depend on a man. My family challenged  machismo , Mexican sexism, by creating their own values and future.  

My parents encouraged me to, “ ponte  las  pilas ” in school, which translates to “put on your batteries” in English. It means that I should put in effort and work into achieving my goal. I was taught that school is the key object in life. I stay up late to complete all my homework assignments, because of this I miss a good amount of sleep, but I’m willing to put in effort to have good grades that will benefit me. I have softball practice right after school, so I try to do nearly all of my homework ahead of time, so I won’t end up behind.  

My parents taught me to set high standards for myself. My school operates on a 4.0-scale. During lunch, my friends talked joyfully about earning a 3.25 on a test. When I earn less than a 4.25, I feel disappointed. My friends reacted with, “You should be happy. You’re extra . ” Hearing that phrase flashbacks to my parents seeing my grades. My mom would pressure me to do better when I don’t earn all 4.0s  

Every once in  awhile , I struggled with following their value of education. It can be difficult to balance school, sports and life. My parents think I’m too young to complain about life. They don’t think I’m tired, because I don’t physically work, but don’t understand that I’m mentally tired and stressed out. It’s hard for them to understand this because they didn’t have the experience of going to school.   

The way I could thank my parents for their sacrifice is accomplishing their American dream by going to college and graduating to have a professional career. I visualize the day I graduate college with my degree, so my  family  celebrates by having a carne  asada (BBQ) in the yard. All my friends, relatives, and family friends would be there to congratulate me on my accomplishments.  

As teenagers, my parents worked hard manual labor jobs to be able to provide for themselves and their family. Both of them woke up early in the morning to head to work. Staying up late to earn extra cash. As teenagers, my parents tried going to school here in the U.S .  but weren’t able to, so they continued to work. Early in the morning now, my dad arrives home from work at 2:30 a.m .,  wakes up to drop me off at school around 7:30 a.m . , so I can focus on studying hard to earn good grades. My parents want me to stay in school and not prefer work to  head on their  same path as them. Their struggle influences me to have a good work ethic in school and go against the odds.  

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2020 Scholarship Winner: One Student’s Loss of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Parents and Motivation to Help Families Struggling with Substance Use Disorder

Authored by Recovery Centers of America

Below you will find the compelling biography and essay of the Recovery Centers of America (RCA) and Mothers Against Perscription Drug Abuse (MAPDA) Hope for Addiction Scholarship winner Alexandra (Lexi) T. As a scholarship winner, Lexi will receive $1000 to be used to further her education.

My name is Alexandra (Lexi) Tulowiecki. I am 21 years old, and I am from Liverpool, New York. I am currently a senior triple major student studying social work, psychology, and forensic science. I love country music, reading, and spending time with my family and friends. My goal is to become a licensed clinical social worker to work with individuals impacted by trauma. I would like to note that both of my parents have passed away due to substance abuse. My mom passed away at age 50 in 2014 from a heroin/fentanyl overdose when I was only 16 years old. Only a few years later in 2018, my dad died at age 53 from cirrhosis of the liver due to a lifelong battle against alcoholism. Becoming a social worker is my way of honoring them.

10 days before Christmas in 2015, my mother took her last breath. My beautiful, young mother passed away from a heroin overdose. She was only 50 years old. She struggled with addiction for almost five years before it took her life. Her addiction began when her doctor prescribed her Xanax for her diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. When she would run out of Xanax, she turned to heroin because it is much more affordable. Unfortunately, her heroin had been laced with Fentanyl, causing her death. At only 16-years-old, I was left motherless. The past five years I have felt lost, empty, and confused without my mother. I find myself questioning what I could’ve done to save her. Should I have convinced her to go to rehab? Should I have called the cops when drug dealers came to our house? Should I have called 911 every time she passed out at the kitchen table during dinner? I can ask myself hundreds of questions, but one thing will never change: she’s gone, and she’s not coming back.

Syracuse, New York has had a massive heroin problem over the past five years. In 2018, Onondaga County’s opioid overdose death rates increased 11 percent. Although the total number of deaths have decreased since its peak at 142 in 2016, it is still taken close to one hundred lives a year, and this is strictly just within Onondaga County. Across the country, approximately 64,000 people overdosed in 2016. Both local and federal governments need to allocate more funds for treating opioid addiction. Currently, there are few successful and affordable treatment centers for individuals with opioid addiction. Individuals are forced to travel out of state to find treatment, and sometimes they don’t make it in time before overdosing. From my experience and research, a major problem within this epidemic is the unavailability of treatment beds. There are individuals willing to go through withdrawal and detoxification to become sober, but there is no room for them.

As I get closer to becoming a social worker, I’m beginning to think about what I can do to save lives. Personally, I feel that advocating for individuals with addiction and educating the public is the first step. The stigma surrounding addiction keeps individuals from reaching out to others and getting help. Addiction is a disease, not a choice, and most people do not realize this. We must work together to educate our communities about addiction and what it does to the brain. Many people blame the individual, but what most people don’t know is that many opioid addictions begin from normal prescriptions. It is important to share the stories of those we’ve lost to help others find the strength to move on.

The government should also fund more prevention programs. Preventing future generations of opioid users will lead to an overall decrease in the number of users. Prevention doesn’t just refer to advertisements and commercials about the effects of heroin use. Prevention includes changes in legislation to fix the current over prescription of opioids. 75% of heroin users in treatment began using heroin with painkillers. The federal government should lower the initial opioid prescription to three days, instead of the current thirty days. Some states have reduced opioid prescriptions to three days, and I propose that this should be enacted nationally due to the epidemic we are currently facing. I also recommend that doctors be educated on alternatives to opioids. I believe it is also necessary to increase the education of police officers and other first responders. I say this from first-hand experience with police officers. Before my mother passed away in 2014, I was well aware that she was using. Multiple times throughout her addiction I reached out to my local police department for help, but each time they refused to help me and let my mom continue using. Police officers should be trained in situations such as mine to provide helpful resources for the family to find treatment options to individuals struggling with addiction. As a thirteen-year-old, I didn’t have power to get my mom the help she needed. All I knew was that if I called 911, they were supposed to help me. They failed.

The topic of the heroin epidemic is something I am extremely passionate about, but I am also emotionally triggered every time it is brought up. The feelings of grief, abandonment, anger, and many other difficult feelings come up for me. However, I advocate in every way I can because I want to save others. I don’t want other children to be motherless this young. I don’t want to go on Facebook and read yet another post of someone I know passing away from a heroin overdose. It’s not going to be easy, but it is going to be worth it. Every human life is worth living. We just need to give them the opportunities to break free from their addiction.

After graduating with my undergraduate degree this May, I will begin the Master of Social Work Advanced standing program in July at Syracuse University. The number of people impacted by addiction is staggering. Almost everyone I know has lost someone to the opioid epidemic. To help these individuals and families, I am also going to obtain a certificate of advanced study in trauma-informed practice so that I am equipped to work with these individuals.

Authored by

Recovery Centers of America

Related posts, setting healthy boundaries with family members in recovery, foundations of recovery: a pathway for your first steps in treatment, family support: helping a loved one in treatment, we’re here for you.

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• How to Deal With Addicted Parents
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Children who grow up with one or more addicted parents may  not be sure how they can help. Remember, there are several rehabilitation programs that specialize in treating parents with substance abuse disorders. If you are dealing with an addicted parent or parents at home, there is help available.

Drug Addicted Parents and Their Effects on Children

Regardless of age, children are profoundly influenced by the adults who raise them. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, one in four American children grow up in households where one or more people abuse substances. In homes in which at least one adult abuses alcohol or drugs, children are twice as likely to experience addictive disorders themselves.

Children of drug or alcohol addicts are more likely to experience:

• Low self-esteem
• A sense of guilt and dread
• Higher risk of developing anxiety or depression
• Higher risk of abuse, malnutrition and crime
• Emotional and behavioral issues
• A hindrance in proper brain development 
• Inability to form healthy bonds with others 
• Earlier onset of experimentation with drugs or alcohol

Sometimes, children of addicted parents can take on the role of the caregiver. These children may try to provide comfort, protection and stability to their parents and siblings — a role reversal called co-dependency. 

How to Deal With Drug Addicted Parents

If your parents struggle with addiction, take these steps:

• Make a list of emergency phone numbers. If things get out of control or you feel scared, call one of the numbers. 
• Spend time with friends you trust and confide in them about what’s happening at home.
• Find an activity that makes you feel good or brings a sense of peace, like painting, drawing, writing, listening to music or playing a sport.
• Confide in at least one adult you trust. 
• Write down your feelings. 

Confronting an addicted parent is often easier in adulthood.  Although every situation is different, honesty can go a long way in helping an addicted parent get help or become aware of how their actions are affecting the people around them.

If you’re struggling with how to deal with an addicted mother, father or other family member, try letting them know that you want to help and that you’re not there to judge. Provide an example of how their addiction has impacted your life and ask someone close to you to lend support.

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It’s never too late to seek help for an addiction. If you or a loved one is struggling with drug or alcohol addiction, Gateway is here. We can  help you work through the emotional problems associated with substance abuse and co-dependency.

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My story: Growing up with an alcoholic parent

By Jody Lamb 71 Comments

Growing up with an alcoholic parent

I was one of billions of kids who grew up with an alcoholic parent.

Sometimes I’m hesitant to share my story because I know there are so many people who had it far, far worse than me. But I believe personal stories are powerful and should be shared.

So here’s mine:

My mother and father were extraordinarily kind-hearted, compassionate people. But my mother, who had a traumatic childhood, was an alcoholic before I was born. I love my mother deeply. She is a wonderful person. Every day, I wish I could do something to take away the hundreds of pounds of sadness she carries every day. But the effects of her alcoholism affected my sister and me terribly.

I was born in 1982 and grew up in Dearborn, Michigan. The first 10 years or so of my life, I don’t remember my father being home very much. He worked in the evenings, mostly, and this left me with my mom as the primary parent.

My mother drank at night and into the early morning hours several times a week.

Around that same age, I remember apple juice being my favorite drink. One day, I asked my mom why her apple juice always had foam on top of it. It took a few years after that to make the connection between my mom’s dramatic mood changes and her consuming the foamy apple juice. After a while, she drank directly from beer cans. She hid these cans and bottles all over the house.

By 8 or 9 years old, I regularly went looking through the closets and cabinets and poured out the beer and returned the empty cans and bottles to their spots. I also often organized the cabinets and closets because it made me feel there was kind of order to the house, even though my mom’s behavior made everything unpredictable, chaotic and messy.

I went to a small Catholic school about a 15-minute drive away from our house. We lived too far from the busing system limits so my mom had to drive me every morning. Sometimes – quite often, actually – she wouldn’t get out of bed. I got up myself, made my own breakfast, got ready and prayed she’d get out of bed. Sometimes, I’d have to plead and beg her to get out of bed for 20 minutes. By the time I made it to school, I’d be crying. I’d make it to the school as the last bell rang or minutes too late. I felt ashamed about my tardiness and hated the attention on me as I entered the classroom after my classmates were already seated. I’d be stressed, exhausted and nauseous before the day even began. The teachers at the school had zero clue. In fact, I was probably the last student they’d suspect to be dealing with an alcoholic parent at home. I was always super well behaved and got good grades. In the fifth grade, my teacher said, “Jody, you are so lucky to have a perfect mother.”

My mother was a good mother…when she wasn’t drinking.

I knew my mother’s behavior due to drinking wasn’t good. I knew her health was at risk and I knew the way she screamed at me and my dad and stumbled around wasn’t good. But like most kids of alcoholics, I was used to it and as a mini adult, I was really good at hiding any evidence of trouble at home. I saw my cousins often but besides that, we lived a very isolated life. When family and people at school saw us, everything seemed fine. My mother and father’s family knew she drank but I don’t think they really had any idea that it kept me up at night, that I was neglected in so many ways, that I went to school without enough sleep and that I was constantly – and I mean constantly – worried. I worried her cigarettes would burn the house down because she dropped burning cigarettes on the couch, the car, everywhere and she left stuff cooking on the stove and passed out and didn’t even wake up to the smoke detectors going off. Worse, I was perpetually confused by my mother’s behavior. One minute she was showering me with compliments, the next minute she was screaming, swearing and throwing things at me. I felt I couldn’t do anything right and that I was never good enough. Now, I knew my mother loved me but on some level, I felt I caused her drinking.

In every way, it was the family secret. To some degree, I don’t think my dad even knew in those early years, how much my mother’s drinking affected me but we had conversations about it. He called it a Jekyll and Hyde situation. If you met my mother, you’d only see an extremely sweet and kind person. This is the person she truly is. However, when she drinks, she becomes an entirely different person – completely unrecognizable. She transforms into a loud, angry, aggressive, violent, abusive and destructive person. My mother would scream at the top of her lungs about ridiculous things or things that had nothing to do with me or my dad. She’d throw things across the room. She’d hit my father. She’d take off for hours or a day. I’d fear she was dead. She’d drive drunk. I’d fear that she’d kill someone. And most memorable, she’d say the cruelest, hurtful things. As a young person, it was impossible to separate those mean words from the kind words she spoke when sober. The hurtful words were far more impactful. She doesn’t mean what she says when she’s drunk, my dad would explain. But that didn’t matter. The words echoed in my mind and scarred me.

Usually, my mom woke up the next day, all sweet acting, as if nothing happened. Sometimes it was easier to pretend the drunken behavior didn’t happen. Other times, I was so hurt and angry such as when she’d disappear for hours, I couldn’t even speak to her. Many times, she didn’t even remember what happened and definitely didn’t remember the things she said. Average days were nightmares. I also have horrible memories of ruined holidays and family weddings. I have zero good birthday memories.

But I was really, really good at covering up the messes – figuratively and literally. I tried to be a perfect kid. On some level, I think I thought my mom drank because of me and maybe if I could just be better, she wouldn’t have any reason to drink. Or, that if she really loved me, that would be enough to make her stop drinking. Through tears, I begged and pleaded that she stop drinking. She probably promised that she’d never drink again about 1,000 times throughout my childhood. I also wrote lengthy, heartfelt letters and slipped them under her bedroom door. She’d throw them away without a response.

I was sure that I could “fix” her if only I tried a little harder.

But she didn’t get better. She got worse. My late father, wonderful man he was, was totally trapped by codependency and paralyzed with fear that Mom would die if they divorced or some other action was taken. In fact, he told this to my sister and me on several occasions. He just always acted like it would get better on its own. He didn’t see clearly that my mother’s alcoholism was destroying all of our lives and that allowing life to go on the way it was actually enabling my mother’s alcoholism to go on and worsen. My dear father was a talented athlete and coach who had a positive impact on thousands of lives throughout his life. But he was made ill by alcoholism in our house. He simply tried to be the best dad and husband he knew how to be. But not a day goes by that I don’t wish he would have gone to Al-Anon meetings, gotten educated about what the hell was going on with his wife and taken action that would have pushed Mom to hit rock bottom and perhaps then, at the prospect of losing her life, finally get help. Maybe my father would be alive today if he had.

It was a lonely childhood. I always wanted brothers and sisters. My mom had a few miscarriages. Every time she lost a baby, I cried.  I wanted a sibling to experience life with; I may have hoped another child would give Mom purpose and happiness in the way I could not.

I was 14 when my sister, Brooke, was born.

Though I was a bit old to care about having a sibling at that point, I felt blessed to have her in my life. Complications during delivery almost killed Mom and Brooke.

I was the first person to hold Brooke, which I always think completely foreshadowed my role in her life.

Uh, hold the comments on 14-year-old me’s style…

My sister’s arrival did not snap Mom out of her drinking problem, though she drank less in my sister’s toddler years than she had before the pregnancy. Still, I could never have friends over to visit at the house. I have horrible memories from high school when friends dropped by unannounced and my mother’s drunken, aggressive and abusive behavior humiliated me. Another dominant memory is when I invited my first serious boyfriend over to the house and begged my mom not to drink and she promised that she wouldn’t. Of course, she got drunk and the evening ended with me humiliated and fighting back tears and a very uncomfortable boyfriend who departed early.

In those teen years, I was completely obsessed with my mom’s drinking.

Every day, I searched the house for her hidden bottles and cans and poured them out – which of course, only completely perpetuated the problem because she just then went out to the store and bought replacement supplies. I could determine, with spot-on accuracy, how many beers she’d consumed just by looking at her face or hearing her speak one or words. I could also predict if she planned on drinking that night or not. If she had supplies, she’d act happy, even giddy, that day. I’d get instantly sick to my stomach. If she couldn’t drink for some reason, she’d be terribly irritable – snapping at me over trivial matters, even becoming as evil tongued as she did while drunk.

During those teen years, I grew closer with my father. He was super supportive and encouraging about my cross-country and track running and involvement in school extracurricular activities. I began to understand him better. In the process, I began to resent my mother for what I perceived as a conscious decision not to get better. I believed she didn’t care enough about her family to get help. I was angry at her but I went off to college with a pit in my stomach. I worried about the well-being of my sister, though my dad assured me things would be OK and insisted that I would regret not focusing on myself for once.

After years of being the perfect, rule-following kid, I went a bit wild and did the common party thing in college. I liked the way alcohol erased my insecurities. By my second year, I recognized my relationship with alcohol was mirroring that of my mom and alcohol. I started feeling like I needed to drink in order to go to social events where I didn’t know many people. I felt I wasn’t drinking socially anymore; I was totally emotionally dependent on alcohol for a sense of confidence. I felt I was standing atop a very slippery slope. After that year, I stopped drinking heavily and focused my efforts on my education and building a foundation for a career.

That’s when I discovered that things were not good for my sister. My dad was working at night a lot again. My sister was being neglected by our mother and endangered. Mom would lock herself in her room for two days, leaving Brooke to care for herself. I spent my senior year of college basically commuting back and forth from class and work to home. My sister needed me. That year, I even sometimes brought Brooke to stay for the weekend at my college apartment. When a Big 10 college apartment is safer for a seven-year-old girl than her home, the home is an extreme problem. My father’s family urged my father to take action to get me and my sister out of the situation. He recognized the worsening problems but he was so trapped by a mix of denial, codependency and laidback, everything-will-work-out personality that prevented him from believing he had the ability to make things better. He really believed that Mom was a hopeless cause and that if he left her, she’d die.

At 26, I was exhausted and depressed – like I didn’t want to go on anymore yet I felt I had to. There were so many people depending on me. That’s when I finally got educated about alcoholism and addiction and its impact on kids and families. I better understood my mother and her disease. I let go of a lot of expectations. I learned about the effects of growing up as a child of an alcoholic. I discovered that many things I felt – extreme anxiety, low self-confidence, problems trusting people, lack of satisfaction with anything – were directly tied to the destruction my mom’s alcoholism caused. I began taking better care of myself. I went to Al-Anon meetings . I met other adult children of alcoholics. I began reading and writing more often, as I’d done as a child. This prompted me to write a middle-grade novel for tweens that was published in 2012.

Because I was focused on taking better care of me, this helped the whole family.

Then in 2014, Dad died from a heart attack.

My first thought was: My dad is gone. My second thought: Oh my God, now I am 100% responsible for Mom.

My sister was 17 and ending her junior year of high school.

So I did what most first-born children of alcoholics would do: I assumed my dad’s role. I moved out of my place and back into my parents’ home. I promptly forgot everything I’d learned about co-dependency and self-care.

My mother, overwhelmed with intense grief, plummeted. Every day, for months, I feared I’d come home and find her lifeless body. Once again, I became obsessed with her drinking. She binged for days on end. Again, I was determined to “fix” her. At one point, I convinced her to see a psychologist and I sure it the turning point – the road to recovery. It wasn’t.

After three months of sleepless nights, my sister said she couldn’t bear to stay there and watch Mom slowly kill herself so we moved out. I sobbed the day we moved. It felt like I was abandoning a sick child.

But then as the weeks passed, I get healthier. My sister got healthier. Our minds cleared as time passed being away from the chaos and the abuse. I detached, slowly.

My departure from the environment and my father’s death forced Mom to be more of an adult than she ever had in her life. While her alcoholism is still destructive, my sister and I are much better today.

Update – July 2022: 

• Mom is doing better than I ever could have imagined!
• Brooke is a happy, healthy person and we’re very close.
• Life is great for me! I’m engaged to an extraordinary guy who makes me laugh and laughs at all my jokes.

I believe sharing these personal stories is tremendously powerful. If you are an ACoA (adult child of an alcoholic) or grew up in a dysfunctional/abusive situation, I hope you’re well on your healing journey, too. Glad you’re here.

Take good care of yourself.

Reader Interactions

December 15, 2020 at 4:17 pm

I love you so much.

April 15, 2021 at 8:34 pm

As a heavy drinker (1.5 bottle a day on average, down from 3 bottles five years ago) here some piece of advise from “the other side”, mostly for alcoholics.

1. It is not necessarily hopeless. First thing, the alcoholic must recognize he has a problem. I did, everyone knows me as an alcoholic, but I hope to stop for good.

2. Don’t lie to your wife or kids. I never did. I drink in the main room in my home so everyone knows when I drink, and how much. No hidden bottles either. It used to be every day, now it is every other day on average. Yet recently my wife told me to drink “secretly”, with no one seeing me drinking. I am complying most of the time, and it is not increasing my consumption. I still want to stop.

3. My wife regrets the time I was drinking every day because it was more predictable for her. Now I can go four days with no drink, but it makes her sad because she sees more the good side of me being sober and has more home. But the moment I resume, her hopes vanishes. Before she did not have any hope. Nevertheless I know 10 bottles a week is better than 20, and I can not go back to the worse times.

4. Find a few restaurants where you use to drink, and go there and don’t drink. That way, when you are ready to stop for good, you can go to these places without having a trigger. Otherwise, you can’t go anymore to any restaurant once sober for good, which could make you angry when recovered. Prepare yourself little by little for the day you will stop for good. It’s about changing bad habits, one at a time.

5. I thought some days I needed a bottle to be OK to get rid of the shakes. I discovered it was not wine but food I needed. Sure wine would cure the shakes, but so did eating food. Try and see if this trick works for you.

Good luck! Relapses are expected and not a failure as long as you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Think about seeing your grandchildren when they will be born. Stop drinking to make that happen before it is too late.

April 19, 2021 at 9:07 pm

Thank you for sharing your perspective. Best wishes to you and your family. It sounds like you are determined to create a system to stop for good and are on your way to making that happen. Wishing you hope and great success.

May 2, 2021 at 4:56 am

Thank you for this. I’m 32 and had my son when I was 15. I grew up in a dysfunctional home where my mum was addicted to crack and alcohol. She is no longer in the crack but she is still drinking everyday (unless she hasn’t got any money). I can relate to so much of what you said, especially knowing how many drinks she’s had even over the phone. I really appreciate you sharing your testimony. Yesterday I had to block my mums calls again as she became abusive because I wouldn’t go and see her with my son. I can hardly stand to be around her when she’s drunk. But she’s blaming me for the fact she doesn’t see me or her grandchild. It feels so terrible and brings me back to being a child again.

May 6, 2021 at 3:20 pm

Thank you for publishing your journey, my own father has issues with alcoholism and a lot of what you have written is very recognisable to me. It’s nice to know I was not alone with my feelings.

We can’t fix everybody only try and look after ourselves.

May 6, 2021 at 3:52 pm

Telling your story is courageous! I am so proud of you . I, too am an adult child, although much older than you. Growing up with “alcoholism” leaves many scars, but with the help of people like yourself , ACOA groups, Alanon and written information about the effects of Alcoholism , many lives can be changed and even saved. Many blessings to you and your sister. Nathalie

July 5, 2021 at 9:25 am

I read all of your story and it resonated with me. I grew up with an alcoholic mother too. It was a terribly sad upbringing and it still affects me to this day (I am 42). My mum and dad split up when i was 14 and mum found a new boyfriend who was was an alcoholic also and used to beat her up. So many ruined birthdays and chirstmas’s throughout all of my childhood. Eventually she moved to Spain and tried to murder her boyfriend in a drunken arguement. I had to fly out there and go to a Spanish prison, negotiate the Spanish law system, get a lawyer etc. She got two years in the end. Eventually she died at aged 63. What a waste. My father was pretty useless as well and is very cold emotionally. Luckily i found a wonderful woman whom I have been married to for 16 years and have a wonderful son so I am out of that life now but it has left deep scars. My sister has become a cocaine addict as well and I dont contact her anymore as she lies and steals. The only advice I can give anyone is to get away from it as soon as you can. You cannot help an alcoholic and they will drag you down with them. I speak from experience.

November 7, 2021 at 11:55 am

Jody, thank you for sharing your story, something just like this is happening now, and I’d love to get your advice if willing. My Sister-in-law, displays many of the traits here – always has a full glass of wine at night, rarely leaves the house, wakes up at noon, regularly not getting the kids to appointments. My niece and nephew are 9yo (boy) and 10yo (girl), and live a very isolated life and don’t have many friends. My niece’s 10 year birthday was only family and no friends from school. My brother works all the time, but his life outside work is his children… so he does make up for a lot of misses of my sister-in-law (but demands on him are higher than i’ve ever seen in someone)

I’ve tried to help, for about a year going over there every night to help with kids, but I also noticed her drinking got worse… like i was there helping, so she could take less responsibilities and drink more… and for that year I was thinking – just keep blinders on, Robert, keep a good relationship with her so you can keep coming over… I kept telling myself these are the crucial development years for them and you’ve got to be like water and work with the constraints we have.

My sister in law is honestly one of the most fun people to be around – she’s so funny, and off the cuff with responses, and engaging in conversation. Which makes it easier for her to mask these things to our family or at any social events she goes to. She rarely goes to a day function. It’s always night functions, and she’ll spend the whole day relaxing stress free waking up at noon, getting her hair done, getting to looking immaculate, and then when she shows up at the social event, it even makes me questions whether i’m right in my assumptions of her – she looks beautiful, healthy, she’s engaging with everyone, she’s laughing, she’s not too dunk, she’s self depreciating, focusing on the children in those little ways, etc. But after a while, you start to see the routine.

And overtime i’ve built resentment towards her, and it’s not healthy and that’s my own issue I have to work through… But i have made a decision to address the issue with my brother (although i haven’t yet and i’m getting as educated as much as I can).

I know their is most definitely an element of codependency with my brother and sister-in-law… and his worry for her, but also likely his worry for doing anything that might rock the boat and make things even more unpredictable than they are currently.

So, my question to you is… if you’d had an uncle like me, when you were growing up, who saw and understood what was happening – what would your older wiser self encourage/plead him to do? Because eventually this will be the situation my niece and nephew will be in… 30 years from now…asking me, “if you knew, Robert, why didn’t you xyz?”

Should I be hammering my brother to go to A-A events and get more information? What sort of urgency should I be acting with? they are 9 and 10 years old. Are there other people in the family I should be including in my knowledge of all this? What if my brother says it will work itself out or it’s just the way she is and I’ve found ways around it (brushes it off like your father)? Should it be my responsibility to escalate, etc? For starters, I want the best shot of getting my brother’s buy in. Also, if you have someone in your network that you think I should reach out to… please advise, I’m happy to pay someone a consultation fee, etc. I’ll continue to get more information and seek out resources, but any thoughts you might share would be greatly appreciated.

November 7, 2021 at 12:01 pm

Jody, I noticed the books you recommended in one of your comments. I’m going to start with one of those. Thanks and please let me know if you do have some other specific thoughts on my previous comment.

February 8, 2022 at 3:14 am

Omg I thought I was reading my own life story. Everything you wrote I have gone threw . I have ywo younger siblings that I took care of because are mom was always drunk..I was 14 when my dad died . My sister was 10 and my grother was 7yr old. When he passed it made it worst on all of us.so every word you care saying I have lived it.

September 17, 2022 at 7:17 am

You’re story is my story except I was the youngest in the family so I was mostly neglected and forgotten. My mother was the alcoholic and dad the enabler just like in your family. Fighting was constant. As soon as I could get out of that house I did and right into a marriage with an addicted man. It took me 12 years to realize I had a problem as an enabler. Today I have a new husband and a different life but the scars of all those years past still are with me. I have tons of anxiety issues. I see a therapist. I am trying to find out who I am after a lifetime of being a shell of a person. Thank you for your story. It helped me realize my story could be anyones story.

September 20, 2022 at 12:38 pm

Best wishes to you on your journey, Nicole. Some people never attempt to find healing; you’re well on your way!

August 21, 2023 at 2:49 pm

Thank you for sharing your deeply personal and powerful journey of growing up with an alcoholic parent. Your story reflects resilience, strength, and the transformative power of healing. Your courage in sharing this can provide solace and encouragement to others who have faced similar challenges.

November 20, 2023 at 9:14 am

Thank you for sharing your story. I relate to almost everything you wrote although the roles were reversed. The alcoholic dad and the co-dependent mother. I am 63 and still reeling in the pain of it all. I have gone through one failed marriage and my second marriage is on the verge of breaking apart. I am learning now of the impact of being an adult child of an alcoholic. It’s never too late, right? I am in search of the hope, joy and peace that can be achieved by facing these childhood nightmares. I am so thankful that the Lord led me to your website. I am thankful to have found this community. Peace to you all.

November 26, 2023 at 1:04 pm

It is definitely always the right time to heal, no matter your age. Best wishes to you on your healing journey!

December 5, 2023 at 2:52 am

Thank you. I feel inspired.

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Internet Addiction: The Role of Parental Care and Mental Health in Adolescence

Carmen trumello.

1 Department of Psychological, Health and Territorial Sciences, University “G. d’Annunzio” of Chieti, Via dei Vestini, 66100 Chieti, Italy; [email protected] (C.T.); ti.oohay@idraiccir_areip (P.R.); moc.liamg@oniramtnelav (V.M.)

Laura Vismara

2 Department of Pedagogy, Psychology, Philosophy, University of Cagliari, 09124 Cagliari, Italy; ti.acinu@aramsiv (L.V.); [email protected] (C.S.)

Cristina Sechi

Piera ricciardi, valentina marino, alessandra babore, associated data.

The data presented in this study are available on request from the corresponding author.

Internet addiction in adolescence is a social issue which is being increasingly discussed worldwide. Hence, deepening the knowledge of its development is necessary to prevent short- and long-term negative outcomes. This study involving 266 adolescents (mean age = 16.1 years, SD = 1.4) aimed at analyzing the relationship between quality of parental care, Internet addiction and adolescents’ mental health, by means of the following self-report tools: the Parental Bonding Instrument, the Internet Addiction Test, and the Strengths and Difficulties Questionnaire. The findings, collected through structural equation model analyses, showed that perceived care from both father and mother had significant indirect effects on Internet addiction problems through adolescents’ mental health problems. Furthermore, Internet addiction problems were demonstrated to be negatively associated with maternal care but not with paternal care. The study provides empirical support to the need of family-based prevention and intervention programs to take care of Internet addiction.

1. Introduction

The Internet plays an important role, as it gives youths the possibility to have experience of and explore critical issues, such as autonomy, identity, and sexuality [ 1 , 2 ]. In the last decade, there has been a huge expansion of new kinds of information and communication technology, as social media, smartphones, personal computers, and other devices [ 3 ]. Adolescents and young adults are the main users of these instruments [ 4 , 5 ], with the primary purpose of social interaction and interpersonal communication [ 6 ]. Although these new technologies are used by teenagers to address their developmental duties, existing research has shown that they could hinder their growth. The Internet may be used excessively by adolescents or in a maladaptive manner, in particular to manage psychological hardship [ 7 ] and negative emotions linked with difficult parental and peer relationships [ 8 ]. An excessive and uncontrolled use of the Internet may present many negative influences and potential risks [ 9 , 10 ]. Internet addiction (IA) can be defined as the inability to control Internet use despite the negative effects [ 11 ]. IA, also referred to as problematic Internet use or pathological Internet use, is accompanied by withdrawal symptoms and adverse consequences [ 12 , 13 ]. Several studies have indicated that IA may produce negative outcomes on adolescents’ well-being, social relationships, and school performance [ 14 , 15 , 16 ]. This type of addiction involves a decreasing sense of importance of activities not implicating the use of the Internet, high levels of nervousness and aggression in the case of Internet deprivation, with a gradual worsening of personal, social, and familiar life [ 17 ].

To tackle and prevent problems related to the Internet use in adolescence, it is necessary to understand IA development [ 18 ]. Quality of parental care and parent–child relationships [ 19 , 20 ] offer a valuable model for understanding the risky or protective role played by parenting in the development of adolescent’s behavior, and can also provide an important contribution to understanding the pathogenesis of IA [ 21 ]. Following Armsden and Greenberg [ 22 ], the adolescents’ perceptions of parental relationship reflect their support from and emotional closeness to attachment figures, in terms of warmth, trust in their accessibility and responsiveness, involvement, and nurturance. Adolescents that perceive their parents as emotionally unavailable, not supportive, and cold, may excessively use the Internet to look for alternative social support [ 4 , 23 ]. There is considerable evidence that parent–child relationship quality plays an important role in IA development. In particular, negative parent–child relationships [ 24 , 25 ] and low parental care [ 26 ] have been found to be associated with IA. A good relationship with parents, effective parenting and parental emotional availability could provide adolescents with a stable and safe environment for growth and help prevent them from engaging in at-risk behaviors such as Internet abuse. Results of a recent study [ 27 ] showed that lower levels of maternal emotional availability predicted higher IA. This association was not confirmed for paternal emotional availability.

An important body of research examined the relation between parental care and adolescents’ mental health problems. Attachment security, a positive quality of parental relationship, and parents’ availability may serve as protective factors for adolescents’ mental health [ 28 ]. Growing evidence suggests that poor parental care quality is an important predictor of adolescents’ maladjustment. Previous studies have identified relationships of various parenting practices and adolescents’ internalizing [ 29 ] and externalizing problems [ 30 ]. The existing literature on this theme reports a significant link between parental care and a wide range of dysfunctional outcomes including depression [ 31 , 32 ], anxiety [ 33 , 34 ], and several addictive disorders [ 35 , 36 ].

Research has reported significant connections between IA and emotional/psychosocial problems [ 37 , 38 ], including depressive/anxiety symptoms [ 39 ], and psychosomatic symptoms [ 40 ]. Although the relationship between IA and mental health could be considered bi-directional, two recent longitudinal studies showed that the latter was predictive of the former; research on adolescent girls [ 41 ] detected that baseline depressive symptoms were predictive of changes in problematic social media use (but baseline problematic social media use did not predict changes in depressive symptoms), and another study [ 42 ] found hyperactivity/inattention and self-esteem problems to be important for the development of internet gaming disorder.

Several studies highlight that isolation feelings, anger or detachment within parental relationships may lead adolescents to cope with these negative emotions through excessive Internet use, in order to reduce the distress resulting from unfavorable relational experiences [ 43 ]. Ballarotto et al. [ 44 ] showed that adolescents’ attachment to parents influences Internet use/abuse and that their psychopathological risk played a moderating role on the relationship between attachment to mothers and Internet use. However, the understanding of risk factors for IA is not complete and few studies have examined the combined, moderating, and modulating effects of parental relationship and adolescents’ adjustment on IA [ 45 ].

The Current Study

The present research aimed to address the lack of studies about the combined associations of the aforementioned factors, investigating the relationship between perceived care from both father and mother, mental health problems and IA among Italian adolescents. Based on the clinical and empirical framework considered above, we hypothesized that both poor perceived maternal and paternal care would be associated with adolescents’ IA problems. We further explored whether adolescents’ mental health problems would mediate the effect of maternal and paternal care on adolescents’ IA problems.

Specifically, we have hypothesized that:

. Maternal care would be negatively associated with adolescents’ IA problems;

Paternal care would be negatively associated with adolescents’ IA problems;

Maternal care would be negatively associated with adolescents’ mental health problems;

Paternal care would be negatively associated with adolescents’ mental health problems; and

Adolescents’ mental health problems would be positively associated with IA problems.

Moreover, a further aim was to analyze if there were gender differences in the studied variables. Following previous research [ 46 ], we hypothesized higher levels of IA in boys than girls.

2. Materials and Methods

2.1. participants.

The sample comprised two hundred sixty-six non-referred adolescents. Specifically, the study involved 143 (53.8%) males and 123 (46.2%) females. The age of the participants ranged from 14 to 20 years, with a mean age of 16.1 years (SD = 1.4). Adolescents filled in questions regarding demographic information about their parents and family composition. According to them, fathers’ mean age ranged between 38 and 70 years (M = 49.3 years, SD = 5.5 years), whereas mothers’ mean age ranged between 34 and 70 years (M = 45.9 years, SD = 5.4 years).

Based on a detailed questionnaire developed following ISTAT [ 47 ] classification, the median parental income belonged to the Italian middle working class and socio-economic status. All participants lived with both their parents. No incentives were provided to the study participants.

2.2. Measures

2.2.1. demographic information.

Adolescents were asked to give information on their age and gender, as well as on their parents’ age, education, and current employment (separately for fathers and mothers).

2.2.2. Parental Care

Perceived quality of the relationship with fathers and mothers was evaluated by means of the Parental Bonding Instrument (PBI) [ 48 ], a commonly used scale assessing adolescents’ perceptions of two spheres of parenting: parental caring and overprotection, separately for father and mother. It consists of 25 statements, 12 of which relate to care (e.g., “appeared to understand my problems and worries”) and 13 to overprotection (e.g., “tried to control everything I did”). Items are rated on a 4-point Likert scale from 0 ‘very unlike’ to 3 ‘very like’. Two scores are obtained, one for care dimension and one for protection dimension, with higher scores suggesting more parental care and overprotection, respectively. In this study, we used the paternal and maternal care subscales of the Italian version of the PBI [ 49 ]. The reliability of this scale in the current research was good (Cronbach’s alpha = 0.852).

2.2.3. Adolescents’ Mental Health Problems

The self-report form of the Strengths and Difficulties Questionnaire (SDQ) [ 50 ] was used to evaluate social, emotional, and behavioral problems related to mental health in adolescents. It consists of 25 items grouped in five subscales (each composed by five items): conduct problems (CP, e.g., “I usually do as I am told”), emotional symptoms (ES, e.g., “I have many fears, I am easily scared”), peer problems (PP, e.g., “I get along better with adults than with people my own age”), hyperactivity (HY, e.g., “I am restless, I cannot stay still for long”) and prosocial behavior (PB, e.g., “I am helpful if someone is hurt, upset or feeling ill”). Items are rated using the 3-point Likert scale from 0 “Not True” to 2 “Certainly True”. A total difficulty score can be calculated by summing the subscale scores of the negative attributions: CP, ES, PP and HY. The reliability was satisfactory (Cronbach’s alpha = 0.753).

2.2.4. Internet Addiction

The Internet Addiction Test (IAT) [ 51 ] is a 20-item self-report measure assessing the extent to which internet use interferes with emotional feelings, sleeping patterns, one’s daily routine, and social life. Dysfunction is assessed on a six-point Likert scale (0 = does not apply to 5 = always), with higher scores denoting a higher level of problems related to internet use. Factor analysis of the Italian IAT by [ 52 ] yielded to two factors: “Emotional and cognitive preoccupations with the Internet and social consequences” (ECP) and “Loss of control and interference with daily duties” (LC), both showing good internal consistency and convergent validity. The ECP includes items related to the emotional and cognitive salience of Internet use and obsessive thoughts about Internet when offline, and items concerning the negative social consequences due to Internet use (e.g., “How often do you fear that life without the Internet would be boring, empty, and joyless”). The LC contains items related to unsuccessful attempts to control the amount of time spent online and to the negative consequences of the Internet use on daily functioning (e.g., “How often do you find yourself saying ‘just a few more minutes’ when online?”). In the present research, the reliability was excellent (Cronbach’s alpha = 0.906).

2.3. Procedure

The research project was presented in five Italian state high schools, under approval and authorization of the school principals. Students were randomly selected from ten courses of each of the five selected schools. After briefly introducing the goals of the study, students were given consent forms to take home. Parents gave written informed consent for their children and students gave written informed assent for themselves. The procedure and all the instruments used in this study were fully in compliance with the Ethics Code of the Italian Board of Psychology (the regulatory Authority providing the national guidelines for research and clinical practice) and the indications of the Declaration of Helsinki.

No student decided to withdraw from the study. No students’ identifying information was collected. During school hours, research assistants administered the questionnaires to students within the school classrooms. The completion time was approximately 45 min. Data were collected between March and May 2017.

2.4. Data Analysis

Multiple imputation (MI) [ 53 ] for missing data was applied. First, the data were evaluated to verify that missing values were missing at random (MAR). Then, the degree of missing data was analyzed to guarantee that less than 10% of data were missing across scale scores. The postulation of MAR was met, and the occurrence of missing data across scales (1–3%) was appropriate. Twenty-five multiply imputed data sets were produced.

Descriptive data for the sample was summarized using means and standard deviations.

An independent t -test was run to verify whether there were gender differences between study variables.

At the multivariate level, the pattern of associations specified by our hypothesized model was analyzed through the two-step procedure suggested by Anderson and Gerbing [ 54 ]. Specifically, the measurement model was first examined to evaluate the extent to which each of the latent variables was characterized by its indicators. The measurement model contained two latent variables (mental health problems and Internet addiction) and six observed variables. Specifically, the “mental health problems” latent variable was assessed using the four subscales of SDQ (CP, ES, PP and HY) and the “Internet addiction” latent variable was assessed by two subscales of the Italian IAT (ECP and LC). Following procedures for lower bounds for sample size determined by Westland [ 55 ], the minimum sample size for SEM was estimated to be 200 according to an effect size of 0.3, statistical power level of 0.8, two latent variable and six observed variables. Thus, using these criteria, the sample size of the present study ( n = 266) had sufficient power to test our hypotheses. If the measurement model is accepted, then the constructs of Mental health problems and Internet addiction can be presumed to be well represented by the data. The structural equation model (SEM) was then utilized to assess the hypothesized model that included two latent factors (mental health problems and Internet addiction) and eight observed variables: two supposed observed antecedent variables (paternal and maternal care), one latent mediator variable (mental health problems), and one outcome variable (Internet addiction).

Before conducting the SEM analyses, study variables were tested for normality [ 56 ] using the cut-offs for skewness (absolute value ≥ 2) and kurtosis (absolute value ≥ 7) [ 57 ]. The values of skewness (0.43–1.87) and kurtosis (0.68–2.94), revealed a normal distribution of the variable scores. The following indices were used to assess the goodness of fit of the model: chi-square statistics (χ 2 ), the Tucker Lewis Index (TLI), the comparative fit index (CFI), the standardized root-mean-square residual (SRMR), and the root-mean square error of approximation (RMSEA), along with its 90% confidence interval (CI). It is recommended that good fit indices for TLI and CFI are greater than 0.90, and for SRMR and RMSEA, less than 0.08 [ 58 , 59 ]. The significance of the effects was analyzed using a 95% bootstrapped confidence interval estimate. Our sample fits about the minimum sample size ( n = 100) for the model structure with two latent and eight observed variables [ 55 ], at an alpha level of 0.03, a power of 0.80, and an anticipated effect size of 0.3.

3.1. Preliminary Analysis

Levene’s test of homogeneity of variances demonstrated that the variance was homogeneous between females and males.

An independent t -test revealed that females’ and males’ SDQ scores were significantly different ( Table 1 ). Specifically, female adolescents reported significantly higher scores on the emotional symptoms than male adolescents, while males reported significantly scores on the conduct problem than female adolescents. No significant gender difference was found in the PBI and IAT scales.

Means (SDs) for parental and adolescent ratings.

** p < 0.01; * p < 0.05.

3.2. Testing the Measurement Model

The measurement model and related standardized regression weights are reported in Figure 1 . Fit for the measurement model was very good (χ 2 = 13.49, df = 0, p = 0.96, CFI = 0.98, TLI = 0.97, RMSEA = 0.05 (90% CI 0.00 to 0.10), SRMR = 0.03). The latent variables were significantly associated with each other ( p < 0.001). In addition, all the factor loadings were significant ( p < 0.001), which is evidence for the convergent validity of the indicators. Thus, the measurement model was considered suitable for the following analyses.

The measurement model and related standardized regression weights, * p < 0.001.

3.3. Structural Model

As a first step, whether paternal and maternal care and IA problems were associated in absence of mental health problems was investigated.

The direct and negative association between paternal care and IA problems was not significant, whereas the direct and negative link between maternal care and IA problems was significant (−0.07, p > 0.05; −0.24, p < 0.001, respectively).

The next step was to test a mediating effect model which estimates the direct effects from paternal and maternal care to IA problems and adds the paths from paternal and maternal care to mental health problems, and from mental health problems to IA problems.

The result of the mediating effect model was suitable (χ 2 = 24.55, df = 16, p = 0.08, CFI = 0.98, IFI = 0.97, RMSEA = 0.05 (90% [CI]: 0.00 to 0.08), SRMR = 0.03).

It should be observed that there were no significant direct effects of both paternal and maternal care on IA problems ( Table 2 ; Figure 2 ).

Structural model with standardized path coefficients. ** p < 0.01. Note: the dotted line is non-significant paths.

Standardized direct and indirect effects.

Note: the confidence intervals (CI) are based on the findings from bootstrapping analysis (1500 samples). ** p < 0.01.

Perceived care from both father and mother had significant indirect effects on IA problems through mental health problems ( Table 2 ).

4. Discussion

In consideration of the complex interactions among different individual and family variables, the current study aimed at analyzing the relationship between quality of parental care (as perceived by adolescents), Internet addiction (IA) and adolescents’ psychological mental health.

As regards the first hypothesis, our findings showed that poor levels of maternal care were associated with higher IA problems. These results confirm previous scholars [ 21 , 44 , 60 , 61 , 62 , 63 ]. Indeed, IA may be conceived as a dysfunctional mechanism to face negative and distressful situations [ 64 ]. IA may constitute a substitute for the need of emotionally satisfying bonds with parents in the presence of parent–child relationships that are perceived as uncaring and cold [ 65 , 66 , 67 ].

However, as stated, we found a negative association between maternal care and IA problems, whereas no association emerged with respect to paternal care. It seems that maternal parenting is more influential on the development of IA, consistently with other studies [ 27 , 68 ]. We may speculate that this result is influenced by the fact that mothers are the primary caregivers in Western societies [ 69 ], although such a role seems also to be biologically grounded [ 70 ].

In line with the parental care perspective [ 19 , 20 , 71 ], our study also reveals that low maternal and paternal care were related to poor adolescents’ mental health problems, confirming our hypotheses. These findings are in accordance with previous research indicating that the lack of supportive relationships with parents is linked to a higher psychopathological risk in the offspring [ 72 , 73 ].

As regards gender differences, contrary to our expectations, the data showed that gender had no effect on adolescents’ IA problems. These results may suggest that Internet addiction is cross-gender; nevertheless, different temperamental, behavioral, and environmental characteristics may explain the development of problematic internet use in boys and girls that warrant further investigation. Moreover, the study highlighted gender differences in the expression of mental health problems. Confirming previous data [ 74 ], the girls of our sample showed higher scores on the emotional problems scale, whereas boys presented higher scores on the conduct problems subscales. Typically, boys have difficulties in inhibiting negative behaviors, controlling impulses, and regulating negative emotions, while girls are more relationally oriented, calm, and able to regulate emotions than boys [ 75 ]. Such differences may be due to biological processes [ 76 ], as well as environmental factors that may increase vulnerability to psychopathological outcomes [ 77 , 78 ]. For such reasons, it is important to carry on early screening of psychological symptoms. Undeniably, misuse of Internet may worsen psychological symptoms, which, in turn, may trigger Internet addiction itself. In addition, gender should be considered, since differences have been frequently reported in the patterns of IA and its protective and risk factors [ 79 , 80 , 81 ].

Finally, in addition to the direct effects of maternal care on adolescents’ IA problems, our findings showed that both maternal and paternal care were indirectly related to IA problems through adolescents’ mental health. Therefore, our data highlighted that adolescents who perceive their parents as cold and uncaring are more likely to experience mental health problems which, in turn, are related to more IA problems. These results provide evidence that adolescents’ mental health problems are an important mediator between paternal and maternal care and youth’s IA. Specifically, the onset of IA in both male and female adolescents is mediated by the presence of psychological difficulties in them. However, previous studies highlighted a bi-directional relationship between mental health problems and IA [ 82 , 83 , 84 , 85 ], and this possibility cannot be excluded in interpreting our findings. Furthermore, we may not exclude an interaction effect between adolescents’ IA and parents’ Internet use/abuse [ 86 ], as this last variable was not investigated in our study. Further longitudinal research should address these issues, as they are particularly relevant to deepen the topic.

Despite the relevance of our results, some methodological limits must be considered in interpreting our results. First, the lack of representativity of the sample; participants were all from the same socioeconomical background and from the same Region of Italy. Most important, as above mentioned, the cross-sectional nature of this study does not allow conclusions about cause-and-effect relations to be drawn; therefore, the associations we found should be confirmed through longitudinal studies. In line with this issue, we cannot interpret the verified associations over time. Moreover, in the evaluation of the complexity of factors that may be entangled in the onset of IA, future studies should also include the evaluation of the relationship with peers, which is particularly salient in this period of the life cycle. Finally, this study was carried out before the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic and therefore it does not take into consideration the huge changes that the pandemic has produced on parent–child relationships [ 87 , 88 , 89 ] and Internet addiction [ 90 ].

5. Conclusions

Our path analysis findings explained some of the potential underlying ways of how the quality of parental care may protect adolescents against their psychological mental health and addictive internet behaviors. Family-based interventions aimed at enhancing parent–child relationships, communication and understanding can be a direction for adolescents’ Internet addiction prevention. Future studies should concentrate on giving evidence on the effectiveness of interventions to reduce Internet addiction.

However, our results also point out the need to assume an integrative perspective, that encompasses both interpersonal and intrapersonal factors. The findings point out the importance of the individual characteristics of the adolescent on the development of at-risk addictive use of the Internet and the complexity of the onset of maladaptive functioning and psychopathological symptoms. Thus, a multifaceted approach that encompasses personal and environmental factors must be embraced to understand the development of adolescent Internet addiction. Furthermore, internet characteristics should also be considered. Future studies focusing on specific sub-types of addiction (e.g., gaming or social media addiction) are warranted to improve the efficacy of preventive and treatment interventions.

Finally, the specific characteristics of the single adolescent, her/his undergoing developmental stage, and family context must be considered to improve the efficacy of interventions.

Acknowledgments

The authors want to thank Antonella D’Ambrosio for her help in collecting data.

Author Contributions

Conceptualization, C.T., L.V., C.S. and A.B.; methodology, C.T., L.V., C.S. and A.B.; software, C.T., L.V., C.S. and A.B.; formal analysis, C.S.; investigation, C.T., P.R., V.M. and A.B.; data curation, C.T. and A.B.; writing—original draft preparation, C.T., L.V., C.S., P.R., V.M. and A.B.; writing—review and editing, C.T., L.V., C.S., P.R., V.M. and A.B.; supervision, C.T. and A.B.; project administration, C.T. and A.B. All authors have read and agreed to the published version of the manuscript.

This research received no external funding.

Institutional Review Board Statement

Not applicable.

Informed Consent Statement

Informed consent was obtained from all subjects involved in the study.

Data Availability Statement

Conflicts of interest.

The authors declare that the research was conducted in the absence of any commercial or financial relationships that could be construed as a potential conflict of interest.

Publisher’s Note: MDPI stays neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations.

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Social Media Addiction and Its Impact on College Students' Academic Performance: The Mediating Role of Stress

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• Published: 01 November 2021
• Volume 32 , pages 81–90, ( 2023 )

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• Lei Zhao   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-7337-3065 1 , 2  

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Social media use can bring negative effects to college students, such as social media addiction (SMA) and decline in academic performance. SMA may increase the perceived stress level of college students, and stress has a negative impact on academic performance, but this potential mediating role of stress has not been verified in existing studies. In this paper, a research model was developed to investigate the antecedent variables of SMA, and the relationship between SMA, stress and academic performance. With the data of 372 Chinese college students (mean age 21.3, 42.5% males), Partial Least Squares, Structural Equation Model was adopted to evaluate measurement model and structural model. The results show that use intensity is an important predictor of SMA, and both SMA and stress have a negative impact on college students’ academic performance. In addition, we further confirmed that stress plays a mediating role in the relationship between SMA and college students’ academic performance.

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This study is supported by the Planning Subject for the 14th Five-year Plan of National Education Sciences (Grant No. EIA210425).

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Zhao, L. Social Media Addiction and Its Impact on College Students' Academic Performance: The Mediating Role of Stress. Asia-Pacific Edu Res 32 , 81–90 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40299-021-00635-0

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Overcoming Drug Addiction as an application essay topic?

<p>SO basically, an essay that I have written says the following things in the following order…</p>

<p>-(intro) basically saying that I am not asking for some sort of sympathy, and that I only want to be heard. I also add that I the following is qoute “not the most common approach to exalting one’s self”.</p>

<p>-(body) Explaining the emotional root of problems I had, turned into disrespect, drug use and family issues. </p>

<p>-Got sent to a school away from my house, and recreated a sense of pride. Came over alot of issues … yadda yadda, I did an alright job at that.</p>

<p>-Makes references to my family and how highly they think of me; that I agree with them…</p>

<p>-(closing) saying that above all, I believe in myself and what I have done, and that is what it is that makes me who I am {kind of thing}…</p>

<p>So is this a good approach to an essay?? Any ideas???</p>

<p>I would only write an essay about getting over a drug addiction if they already knew about your drug use (if you had to explain it after checking the box for “have you been arrested?” or something) Otherwise I would probably not bring it up as it doesn’t put you in the best light, even if you no longer use drugs.</p>

<p>But, then again, I don’t know you, and if you think that topic is what best defines you, then maybe you should write about it.</p>

<p>maybe i could explain that I just had issues & struggles? but than again it isnt really as powerful that way… hmmm…</p>

<p>Colleges or businesses do not like to admit/enroll/hire a self purported past, current or future drug additct.</p>

<p>I would encourage you to focus your essay on aspects of your life that demonstrate intellectual curiosity, drive (and examples) of making a difference in your community, etc. Start off positive and stay positive.</p>

<p>I think that your proposed topic is of high risk. You may find some sympathetic readers. More likely you’ll find one or two readers who would become concerned after reading your proposed essay.</p>

<p>it seems like an interesting, genuine idea that most readers would misunderstand.</p>

<p>if the essay reader is the stuffy administrator that i always imagine must be the only sort of person who can manage to work in an admissions office, they probably wouldn’t fully appreciate the topic.</p>

<p>The best advice I ever heard about college essays was, “Don’t write about something you wouldn’t talk about on a first date.” Writing about your recovery from drug addiction is high risk proposition. Well written it can be a compelling story, but depending on the reader it may plant an uncomfortable seed of doubt in their mind. The main point of the essay is to get to the “second date” (admissions), being too personal upfront may be a turn-off.</p>

<p>The other way to look at it is from a risk-reward basis. If statistically you’re at the upper-end (75th%-tile or higher) for a particular school then you’re likely going to be admitted regardless what you write about, so why risk turning the reader off? If you’re in the bottom quartile for a particular school it seems unlikely that your story is going to be enough to overcome the academic competition you’ll be facing. So the only place the essay might work is in a borderline case, some place where you’re average but a compelling story of overcoming adversity could be enough to tip things in your favor. But even there the risk is that they’ll be turned away by the possibility of your slipping back to your old ways. I just don’t see the payoff.</p>

<p>The reader of your essay has the privilege of anonymity. They don’t have to look you in the eye or even call you after reading it. That makes it easy for them to act on prejudice. And they will.</p>

<p>Don’t do it.</p>

<p>If you read *The Gatekeepers,<a href=“about%20college%20admissions”>/i</a> you’ll see this is a bad idea.</p>

<p>I suggest that you only use an essay like this if you are explaining a period of very poor grades and can demonstrate a turnaround or are explaining a police record - and I would recast the essay accordingly if you do use it. Otherwise, congratualtions on getting your life together.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t do it.</p>

<p>If you were convicted for drug use, there’s a space on the CommonApp where you’ll have to explain yourself. So even if you were convicted, that’s where you’d write such an explanation. If you weren’t convicted, it would be a very unwise move if you wrote your main essay about your former drug use. While it’s admirable that you overcame strife and emerged a better person, no college will take what you’re saying in a positive light. A former drug addict was still a drug addict at one point, horrible as it sounds. So I’d pick another topic. That’s just me, though.</p>

<p>You could write it well and it would still be extremely risky. Colleges are looking to build communities of diverse, interesting, talented people, a community that won’t include drug addicts, past or present, if they can help it. There are more relevant and positive things to discuss in a college essay.</p>

<p>Congratulations for overcoming your addiction, however. Best of luck with your applications.</p>

<p>I sadly have to agree with what everyone else has said. </p>

<p>I will re-emphasize the points that (provided they wouldn’t know otherwise about the drugs) you should definitely avoid this essay at safety and match schools. This essay could work at a high reach, and it may be a good idea to use it if you don’t think you have a shot at admission using a more typical essay. </p>

<p>Not saying you should use it at all or even half your reaches, because it’s nice to get into a couple reaches. But maybe experiment around with one of the HYPSM-type schools that you think would be cool to be admitted to but you aren’t like dying to attend.</p>

<p>I think drugs is a little too much. Some conservative people might not like it.</p>

<p>cause if it<code>s not I suggest you not write about drugs, use of them or overcoming the use them! Why don</code>t you write the words, I USED TO USE DRUGS, across your forehead! Use this topic to motivate people off of drugs but please don`t use this topic to try to get into college. This is either a joke or your head is still a bit fogged up!!!</p>

<p>Honestly I think the college essay is about showing colleges who you are as a person beyond things like stats and EC’s. If this is what best defines you, if this shows the person you are, then I think it’s the best topic for you. HOWEVER, approach it with extreme caution, and know that there are going to be schools that drop your application on the spot, just as there are going to be people who will refuse to hire you simply because of your past. Ultimately what matters is that you know you’re past it, and that you’ve grown from it, if you know that then some school will take you, someone will hire you etc… There are always going to be haters, even for smaller things, for example a lot of my friends distanced themselves from me when I was suffering from depression, I’m not saying they’re close to the same as I’m sure you went through way worse, but it’s just an example. Hardships show you who and what are important in your life, and that defines who you are. If that is the person that you want colleges to know, then write about it, after all you want to be accepted for who you are, not who you think they want you to be. Just my two cents.</p>

<p>You’re thinking out-of-the-box, that’s for sure!</p>

<p>I suspect you’ll get a chance sometime to write about this AFTER matriculating.</p>

<p>I don’t see how “Colleges are looking to build communities of diverse, interesting, talented people” could not include recovered drug addicts. In fact, I’m sure they do, though it’s not necessarily known to the community. I think I’m pretty interesting and talented. And the presence of someone who has already been around that block in a setting where many will succumb may prove invaluable.</p>

<p>I suggest a separate letter to the campus substanse abuse counselor at the college you’ve decided upon. Tell your story, and offer yourself as a student resource to other students who utilize the counselor.</p>

<p>Congratulations!</p>

<p>DoS - 7/21/81</p>

<p>You already got great advice in the posts on this thread. I will just chime in as someone who is a college counselor. </p>

<p>I would advise against this topic for the essays. There may be other places on the application where this would come up such as having to explain transcript irregulatiries or having to answer questions about being arrested or suspended. In other words, if you HAVE to report the drug use on other parts of the application, explain it there. But do not use the main essays for this. and if you don’t have to reveal you past drug use anywhere on the application, I would avoid “telling all.” In other words, if you have recovered (bravo to you!) and there is no suspension, arrest, or transcript irregularity to explain, I would not even reveal past drug use anywhere on the application. But even if you have to disclose it elsewhere in the application, I would still not use the main essays for this topic. And if you do have to explain an arrest, suspension or transcript irregularity, in that explanation of extenuating circumstances (not the main essay), provide specific reassurances that the past situation will not prevent you from participating in college fully.</p>

<p>The main essay, however, should be used to highlight more positive aspects of your background or interests. </p>

<p>Generally, avoid revealing mental health problems such as drug use if you don’t have to and if you have recovered. Give the adcoms reasons to admit you and not be concerned about admitting you. There must be a lot of wonderful positive things about you…show them those qualities in your essays.</p>

<p>I think you should go for it.</p>

<p>1) Colleges are looking to build diverse communities. We’ve said this before. They want students who grow from their interactions. If you are a recovered drug addict, you have a very unusual perspective (for your age) and would add something unique to the campus dialogue.</p>

<p>2) Since you have already overcome drugs yourself, you could be a good influence on other students experimenting with drugs. The “I’ve been there, let me tell you something about drugs” approach is harder to come by than the puritanical “I’ve always said no to drugs” proselytizing approach.</p>

<p>3) Overcoming a drug addiction shows steely self-discipline and emotional maturity. Whatever you were, they are admitting or rejecting what you are now.</p>

<p>4) Talking frankly about your past mistakes, asking for understanding rather than forgiveness or leniency, takes self-confidence.</p>

<p>5) Handling a sensitive subject well will show strong writing skills.</p>

<p>Definitely not. This is coming from a former undergrad admissions counselor.</p>

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A 16-year-old's powerful essay about dad's addiction went viral and helped mend their relationship

After bearing the emotional burden of her dad's alcoholism all by her herself for a long time, she finally shared her thoughts in a powerful essay.

Editor's note: This article was originally published on April 21, 2021. It has since been updated.

Preslee Scott spent much of her early teen years assuming the role of parent to her young siblings while her dad, Casey Scott, lay passed out drunk on the couch. Just as her mother had done before divorcing him, the Utah teen would pick up his empty beer cans and hide them in the outdoor trash bin so that her brother and sister wouldn't have to see that side of him. After bearing the emotional burden of Scott's alcoholism all by her herself for a long time, Preslee finally decided to share her thoughts in a school essay.

Here’s my latest piece for The Post. A Utah teen wrote an essay about her dad’s alcoholism and recovery that is now resonating across the country. ❤️ https://t.co/ixIKQQ6ITB — Cathy Free (@cathyjfree) April 20, 2021

The 16-year-old sat in front of the computer at her home in Farmington, near Salt Lake City, and wrote: "For as long as I can remember, my dad has been an alcoholic. I remember going to parties with my dad driving there, but my mom would always be the one to drive us home. I knew how my dad would be one person when we showed up to the party, and a completely different person when we left." Preslee poured out her heart on three pages, describing the pain she felt after her parent's divorce and how Scott finally sought help after he slammed into another car one day while driving drunk.

Addiction is a family disease. It doesn't just affect the individual struggling, but everyone who loves them. Former @KSL5TV feature reporter Casey Scott took that message to heart after reading a paper written by his 16-year-old daughter Preslee. #KSLTV https://t.co/xRY06dNu7m — KSL 5 TV (@KSL5TV) March 16, 2021

"My dad never would have gotten sober without [the accident]," she wrote, reports The Washington Post . "He had to hit rock bottom before he could get the help he needed." Preslee received an A on the paper from her 10th-grade English teacher who also reached out to Scott, a former television news reporter. Without revealing the topic of the teen's essay, the teacher informed Scott that his daughter had written something powerful. Intrigued, the 47-year-old asked Preslee if he could read what she'd written.

"He asked to read it, but I wondered how he'd react," said Preslee. "So I stalled as long as I could." When she finally gave her dad a copy of the essay in February, Scott—who is now over two years sober—broke down in tears as he read it. "It was so raw and so real — I had to walk away to collect my thoughts," he said. "And then I thought: 'This is something that everyone needs to hear.'" In an emotional video that's been viewed over 4 million times on social media, Scott can be seen struggling to hold back tears as he read out Preslee's words on his weekly podcast, Project Recovery.

"I was not prepared to read that letter, but I knew that I had to," Scott said. "In addiction, a lot of energy and love is spent on the addict. But you don't realize the wake of damage that is caused to friends and family throughout your addiction. Many times, their story isn't heard. I knew that I needed to change that with Preslee's essay." Since posting the video online, Scott has been inundated with messages from others who'd been in similar situations. "I am a grown adult now, but I too relate to what your daughter said in her letter to you. I grew up with a Dad that was an alcoholic," one woman wrote on Facebook. "My family went through the same and my husband has been sober for over 9 years, and it's so much better now," wrote another.

The Road to Recovery

Scott, whose addiction battle began at age 14, hit rock bottom on September 3, 2018, when he smashed into a car with two young children inside. There were injuries, but none serious. Two months later, he pleaded guilty to the DUI charge and was sentenced to a year of probation. Wanting to turn his life around, Scott decided to check himself into an alcohol rehabilitation program for six weeks. "In recovery, I sat in a room with 200 people who were just like me," he said. "For the first time, I saw the faces of addiction: College kids, moms, first responders, mail carriers, the guy who helps you at the grocery store. It was anyone and everyone you could imagine."

Although Scott's time in rehab helped him form a better relationship with his children, there were more difficult days ahead. Preslee opened up about the highs and lows of spending time with her dad after he left the recovery center in her essay, writing: "One day, we were all sitting in the living room for a family meeting. My dad said, 'I've been through a lot and gone through it, kids, and we will be okay.' This made me angry and I responded with, 'Really, Dad? You think you're the only one who had a hard time throughout this?'" Preslee's words hit Scott hard and they ultimately had several honest conversations about how his addiction affected the family.

And yet, it was only after reading Preslee's essay that he truly understood, said Scott. "Her essay has given a voice to a generation of kids who have grown up with addict parents," he said. "Her words have helped these kids realize they're not so alone. This is truly a family disease, and we need to attack recovery the same way." Scott revealed that since he and Preslee made the decision to be truthful and vulnerable with each other, he awakens each morning with hope. "I tell everyone that I wish my kids had never had to go through this ugliness, but they're going to be more empathetic and loving because of it," he said. "Without alcohol, my life is 100 times harder. But it's also now 1,000 times better."

Job applicant walks out of interview when employer offers to pay for 22 hours out of a 32-hour shift

Bartender cleverly slips a note to save woman from a stranger 'aggressively hitting on' her, mom stands up for 12-year-old daughter sent home for violating dress code, sparks fierce debate, queer couple gets room with twin beds after receptionist saw two girls checking in, sparking debate, boss scolds employee of 25 years for clocking out 3 minutes prior after 19-hour shift and regrets it.

Addictions.com Spring 2024 College Scholarship

Rehab Scholarships — Find Help Paying for Drug and Alcohol Recovery

A rehab scholarship is when the drug or alcohol treatment program waives either a portion of its costs (partial scholarship) or up to 100% of its treatment costs (full scholarship) for applicants in need. Rehab grant funds, on the other hand, are issued directly to addiction treatment and mental health programs, then disseminated among clients. Mandated by Congress, these noncompetitive grant funds make it possible for many programs to offer financial aid. As is the case with most assistance programs, there are stipulations for funding.

Here are some important details about rehab scholarships:

• Rehab facilities set aside a certain amount of income each year to offer scholarships. Financial aid is offered until all the allotted money is used.
• Rehab scholarships are generally needs-based. That means aid is only offered to those who are under- or uninsured and have no other financial means or assets to pay for treatment.
• For additional funding support, rehab scholarships can be combined with private insurance, Medicare, or Medicaid if those plans do not cover 100% of treatment costs.
• Not every rehab program offers scholarships. That means you’ll need to do some online research, create a list of rehabs in your area, then call each facility to ask if they offer scholarships.

Finding a rehab scholarship doesn’t need to be difficult. Start by browsing our treatment directory and making a list of programs that suit your needs. Next, call each facility on your list and ask if they offer rehab scholarships.

For rehabs that offer scholarships, ask for details on their application process. Some programs have an intake manager who can take your information and application over the phone, some allow you to apply online, and some require you to apply in person.

A few things to keep in mind:

• Be prepared to explain your personal story and why you need financial assistance to access addiction treatment services.
• Gather and be prepared to share personal and financial documents (i.e., proof of income, checking and savings account balances, monthly expenses, proof of insurance coverage, etc.)
• Understand that competition for rehab scholarships is fierce; that means you may have to submit numerous applications before getting a positive response.
• Individual rehabs are independently run and commonly provide scholarships to cover the cost of one of their programs. The scholarship amount depends on the treatment center and available funds.
• Corporations (both for-profit and nonprofit) that own and operate rehab facilities sometimes offer treatment scholarships to cover the cost of their programs.
• Nonprofit organizations , including religious rehab facilities, often offer scholarships for those admitted to their treatment programs. Providing free or affordable treatment is typically their focus.

Rehab Centers By State

Select a state to find options for rehab centers in your area.

Spring 2024 College Scholarship Application

$2,250 in college scholarships to be awarded.

Are you a full-time college student in the U.S.? Do you have a passion for raising awareness about the dangers associated with substance abuse and addiction?

If you answered “yes” to both questions, you’ll want to enter the Addictions.com Scholarship Contest. Three scholarships will be awarded to qualified college students who write the winning essays (for first, second, and third places).

By providing financial assistance to help pay for books, tuition, or daily expenses, we hope to encourage more students to get involved and become advocates who will raise awareness about the risks and dangers of addiction.

How To Enter

• Review Eligibility: Before entering the contest, review the Terms/Conditions requirements and the rules and regulations below to make sure you qualify.
• Complete Application: Complete the contest application form below providing all required information.
• Submit: Once your essay is written, save as a Word Doc or PDF and submit with your scholarship contest application.

Essay Topic And Guidelines

Essay must be submitted with the application, which should include the author’s name, address, phone number, email address, college (including the date of graduation), and student ID number.

• All entries must be typed, double-spaced, and saved as a Word Doc or PDF.
• Do not add pictures or graphics
• Essays that do not meet the word count requirement will be eliminated. (The essay title or added references / footnotes do not contribute to the total word count.)
• A contestant’s teacher, counselor, or parent may check the essay for punctuation, grammar, and/or spelling, but the essay MUST BE the original work of the student making the submission.
• Contestants will be judged based solely on their essay.

USING YOUR OWN WORDS, PLEASE ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION IN 500-700 WORDS:

People commonly experience addiction and co-occurring mental health disorders. How can substance abuse negatively impact someone’s mental health (and/or vice versa)?

Rules And Regulations

• Essay must be the original work of the contestant. Plagiarism will automatically disqualify your entry.
• Contest awards and decisions are final unless an entrant is disqualified.
• Essay submissions that do not meet the requirements (listed above) or sent after the application deadline will not be considered.
• Essay award winners grant Addictions.com the right to use their essay content in connection with this contest, marketing efforts, and publication of the essay, as well as the right to use the winners’ names and/or identifying information to promote the contest.
• Addictions.com will read and judge each eligible essay submitted on time; essays submitted after the deadline will not be accepted or read.
• Contest prizes (scholarship award monies) can be revoked after awards are given if entrants are discovered to be ineligible or found to have broken contest rules.
• Addictions.com reserves the right to change the submission deadline to an earlier deadline if application submissions greatly exceed the number projected. Prospective applicants should enter as early as possible.
• Should Addictions.com have to change any contest rules, we will notify participants via email. If participants are dissatisfied with changes, they may retract their submission.
• All federal, state, and local charges or taxes on prizes must be paid by award winners.
• Essay submissions for this contest become property of Addictions.com to be used and reproduced.

Addictions.com Scholarship Contest Terms and Conditions

Addictions.com essay scholarship application form.

Please complete the application form, attach your entry essay in Word doc or PDF format, and submit.

" * " indicates required fields

Spring 2024 College Scholarship Winners

Kelsie Nyman

(Click to view essay)

How to eat an elephant: A lesson in learning to love despite overwhelming anger

My brother’s death built and broke me all at once. It broke me like a bone breaks. It first shattered me, because a 15 year-old shouldn’t lose her 29 year-old brother to a drug overdose. But it then healed me like a bone heals, too. I could never have grown back the same, but I grew back stronger. This is a story about how my brother’s death taught me something about what it means to fight for love.

My brother Jordan battled with drug addiction his whole adult life. He was 14 years older than me. So his adult life– the one riddled with a vicious and cyclical overdose-to-rehab-to-relapse habit comprised the entirety of my lucid years as his little sister. I didn’t get the movie marathon, matching Halloween costumes, Christmas morning excitement, Sunday night family dinner kind of childhood with him. I was too young to be exposed to much of his habit, but I wasn’t too young to notice the havoc it wrought on our mother. By the time I was old enough to determine a relationship with him for myself, I held a hatred in my heart for him. I wouldn’t forgive him for what he was doing to our family and to himself. I had a shell of him to enjoy and a shell of him to mourn.

When we heard the complicated and challenging news of his overdose, I froze. I was standing in the kitchen– eyes fixed, ears ringing a deafening wave of tinnitus, stomach sick, all color evacuated from my face. All I could think was, “I missed it. I missed it. I missed it.” I missed out on the chance at a brother. And I missed out on the chance to forgive him. But how could I forgive his audacious, destructive, harmful life? The answer is the same as the one to a riddle I remember from my childhood: “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”

My brother’s death built resentment in me for a while, and it broke my spirit for a while, too. But I started a journey of reflection and discovering what it means to forgive– one I am still very much on. So far, I’ve learned that forgiveness isn’t meant to be fickle– it’s meant to be absolute. I learned that death can break down a person’s spirit, but it can also break attachments to fear and anger. It can build resilience and fortitude of character. I have determined that this will be my brother’s legacy – that those he left behind will have learned that it is not too late to love him, learn from him, and be a family to him. It is with this renewed outlook that I vigorously pursue my education in Nursing and Counseling – to carry the mantle that he left for me.

Kelsie Nyman [email protected] Florida State University Student ID: 201005604

Deepthi Viswaroopan

Navigating the depths of tobacco addiction in rural india.

As we step into the sunny dusty paths of rural villages in India, the stark reality of tobacco addiction hits you in every breath. I am a traditional medicine pediatrician who served in the rural villages of India, where the struggle against addiction is interwoven within everyday life. In this essay, I share my personal experiences and encounters with people of all ages, shedding light on the grip of tobacco addiction and its association with mental health in the remote communities of rural India.

The first time I encountered the depth of the tobacco epidemic was when I visited a nonprofit ashram that treats oral cancer in a small village in west Gujarat, India. Here I witnessed people of all age groups, as young as 4 year olds who were brought in for counselling to 80 and 90 year olds awaiting death owing to oral cancer.

On my many visits to these villages for medical camps and health awareness campaigns, I have seen young boys chewing tobacco and playing with makeshift tobacco sticks crafted from discarded butts. These innocent eyes’ held no clue of the struggles they would face later. Their addiction journey commenced at an age when most children are still mastering the alphabet. These children are robbed of a healthy childhood and face an uphill battle not only against the physical addiction but also the psychological toll of being trapped by a habit that steals their innocence. In my regular visits at their child health care center, I met a 16-year-old, eldest sister to three siblings with dreams as vast as the open sky. She remembers chewing tobacco for most of her childhood. I looked at her and asked her in a very friendly manner how she could get rid of this habit. With a red-stained, toothy grin, she replied that she couldn’t do it and that her problems were bigger than her tobacco use. Her spirit was eclipsed by the shadows of addiction and unveiled the impact of substance abuse on mental health, painting a picture of despair. Tobacco had woven into the fabric of her identity, worsening her adolescent struggles. The toxic relationship between substance abuse and mental health manifested in her anxiety, depression, and erosion of self-esteem.

Adults and older people suffered the same or even worse. Most of the oral cancer patients in the cancer center were between the ages of 50 and 70. Some of them were operated on to remove the mass, which left hollow cheeks with tubes inserted for food intake, and some had seriously metastasized with no hope of recovery. I have encountered ever so many adults rooted in the throes of tobacco dependency. The crushing weight of financial burden coupled with societal expectations are the breeding grounds for their anxiety and depression. Tobacco, initially a crutch for these people, transforms into a malevolent companion, exacerbating their mental health struggles. The elderly suffer in silence with tobacco as their getaway from their solitude and depression.

In my journey through these rural landscapes, the imperative to address the issues of substance abuse and mental health became glaringly necessary. The healing process demanded a multifaceted approach. We started with community awareness programs; through interactive sessions and engaging campaigns; we aimed to break the cycle of ignorance that often fueled addiction. Secondly, counselling through a holistic approach acknowledged the emotional scars that often lingered long. The third of our strategy involved collaboration with local leaders and influencers. By leveraging their influence within the community, we sought to create a supportive environment that encouraged individuals to seek help at our hospital and rural centers.

As I reflect on my experiences working with diverse age groups, the vicious cycle between substance abuse and mental health emerged as a central theme. My journey there was both heart-wrenching and inspiring. Witnessing the transformative power of community-driven interventions has solidified my belief in the resilience of the human spirit. Through empathy, education, and collaboration, we can hope to break the chains that bind individuals to addiction, thus paving a path towards healing and renewal.

Deepthi Viswaroopan [email protected] University of Texas Health Science Centre at Houston Student ID: 2092310

Grace Jones

A message for tyler.

In 2021, I got a job working at a bike shop in central Ohio.

I learned a lot at the shop; mostly about bikes, but also about myself and my greater community. Growing up in a small town, I rarely got a taste of life outside of my little ecosystem; and this job helped educate me on, well, the lives of others.

About six months into working there, I got a new coworker. His name was Tyler 1 . He was hired as a friend of the head service tech, who vouched for him and landed him the interview. Tyler was sociable, funny, and artistic. He told us stories about his time in high school (he was at the time a high school graduate, about two years older than myself), showed us his home-made skate videos on his phone, and did his best to learn the ins and outs of bicycles. He was a good salesman, friend, and coworker.

One afternoon, Tyler came in and shared something with us: that day, he was two weeks clean of drugs. He sheepishly explained that while he was still using nicotine, he had managed to stop using hard drugs and was planning on eventually weaning off of the vapes as well. I congratulated him on the two weeks. At the end of that shift, he and I rode recumbent bikes around the shop together. From that day onwards, we became closer; he gave me advice, telling me stories on the time he totaled his car (don’t drink and drive), and how he had got into the wrong crowds when it came to drugs. It was deeply personal, and I felt proud of him for working on overcoming his addiction. It wasn’t all sunny, though. There were shifts where he had shared how hard sobriety was- the shifts where he was more quiet, and jumpy. The times he told me he had to reset his sobriety streak. His addiction had been disastrous for his mental health- it riddled him with insecurity, toxic relationships, and skewed perceptions of others. Eventually, Tyler stopped showing up to work. He had gone silent- he wouldn’t pick up the phone for anybody, he wasn’t answering emails or texts, and it had been weeks since he had come in for his shift. They eventually took him off the schedule.

I never saw Tyler again. Some time later, a group of middle school-aged boys came into the shop, asking to see Tyler. When I told them he doesn’t work here anymore, their faces fell. They too hadn’t seen him in months. They told me he had been anxious and “weird” at the skatepark in the weeks before his disappearance. This is what addiction does to someone’s mental health: isolates them from friends, turns them anxious and depressed, and convinces them to love the drug.

Ohio has the 5th most overdose-related deaths in the nation 2 . A boy who I went to high school with died of fentanyl as a sophomore in college: his family said that his depression worsened before it happened. My youngest sister, adopted from foster care, will have life long mental health issues due to prenatal drug exposure; a second hand-version of her biological mother’s addiction. As someone with foster siblings, I’ve seen the effects of addiction firsthand: children taken from families, left feeling empty, unloved, and abandoned. In some Ohio counties, 80% of foster children are put in the system due to opioid abuse and addiction 3 .

The foster care system is undeniably correlated with the addiction and mental health crises. Because of this correlation, addiction not only worsens the mental health of the user, but also of the user’s immediate family and children. In this way, addiction is a contagious disease in terms of mental health; and needs to be treated as such.

1: This name has been changed out of respect for his privacy. 2: “Drug Poisoning Mortality in the United States.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/sosmap/drug_poisoning_mortality/drug_poisoning.htm . Accessed 29 Dec. 2023. 3: “Opioid Crisis Causing Ohio Foster Care Numbers to Rise.” Ohio Addiction Resource Center, https://www.ohioarc.com/opioid-crisis-causing-ohio-foster-care-numbers-to-rise/ . Accessed 29 Dec. 2023.

Grace Jones [email protected] Rochester Institute of Technology Student ID: gj8212, 387008608

Fall 2023 College Scholarship Winners

Hailey Knight

“I’m sorry, it’s not that we don’t want you working here, it’s that hiring you would create an image we don’t want at our business, you know, with your dad and all.” My father? My father the addict? My father the drug dealer? My father the criminal? What about me? The way things work with addiction, it doesn’t matter who has the addiction, the entire community that surrounds them is affected.

The addict is affected by the desire for their next fix, the inability to function without their drug of choice. Their liver and kidneys are affected by the poison they are consuming. Their mind altered. Their inability to cope with reality without the drug drives them to insanity. They want it. They need it. They cannot live without it.

The spouse of the addict tries their best to hold things together. They open secret bank accounts to ensure bills can be paid. Wearing the same jeans for days upon days because it’s the only pair they own. They put the children to bed early so they won’t hear the cries of desperation. Pease get help. Please stay clean. Please think about someone besides yourself.

The children hide their piggy banks each time they leave the house. They wear clothes from goodwill because all the extra money is gone. Dinner is pancakes for the third time this week. Their parents don’t know they hear them argue at night. Their friends don’t know why they suddenly seem so quiet. Their teachers don’t know why they are falling asleep in class.

The parents in the neighborhood see the headlines. That poor family, they send a casserole. They usher their children not to talk to those kids, you never know what they might inherit from their parents. They call the children home earlier and watch them more closely. They send them to school hesitantly, what if the drugs are there too?

The librarian wonders why they haven’t seen that child around lately. It’s unlike them not to be around. Late fees stay unpaid. Books unread. Everyone that stares, everyone that whispers, everyone that laughs. They’re all affected.

I was twelve years old the day I watched my father buy pills for the first time. We were running t of the truck meeting his friend there. I saw him count the money, money he probably stole from my piggy bank. I saw the Ziplock bag, while pills were inside. He got back in the truck and smiled at me.

When I was thirteen, he forgot to pick me up at school. I lied to my teacher and said I forgot I was supposed to walk home. I walked home in the rain. Raindrops and tears look a lot alike to anyone passing by.

At fourteen my dad decided to get clean. He quit everything cold turkey. He paced for hours, days, weeks. The week after I finished eighth grade he was admitted to the hospital. His body was shutting down. They didn’t know if he would make it. That August, we brought him home.

I had just started high school when he relapsed. I was a sophomore when I was refused a job because my father had been arrested for selling to an undercover police officer. I was a junior when I cut him out of my life. When I started college, he had been clean for several years and I welcomed him back into my life. Today I sit here conflicted, he’s a grandfather, I think he’s using again. I could cut him out again, but the problem is I love him as much as he loves “her.”

Kria Peters

The Drug Epidemic, The Drug Crisis or Drug Abuse are all phrases that some might use to describe the use of illegal substances. Others might describe it as: normal, just another day on the reservation, or this is what’s expected of “those” people. I grew up on both the Nez Perce Reservation and Coeur D’Alene Indian Reservation in Idaho and am an enrolled member of the Yakama Nation. To grow up Native means to grow up grieving. Grieving the loss of our land, water, language and identity. Many people in Indian Country turned to drugs to cope. Seeing drug and alcohol abuse on the reservation is a given and a sad reality for my people. They are stuck in this loophole of generational trauma that cannot be broken until a bloodline is lost, well that is at least how it feels. Many people from my community have lost their lives to addiction even if they are not dead. Addiction sucks the life out of a person. It will take and take until there is nothing left to take but their life.

A study from Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration shows that American Indian and Alaskan Natives have the highest percentage of all races to use illicit drugs, marijuana and have a substance use disorder (2021). American Indian and Alaskan Natives are the second highest demographic to misuse opioids and to struggle with mental health issues. Reading these statistics was not surprising because it is my community and I’s truth. There are the homeless that struggle with alcoholism that sit in front of the store, the drug users that stay at the Highway Motel and the frequent users in the casino bathroom who drop and break a pipe with an unknown substance on it that makes it reek. The actions I just described might sound fake but they are incidents that I have seen first hand. To the naked eye it might seem scary but these people are just people who are struggling with addiction who need help.

Addiction is a direct correlation to mental health. When people use drugs it’s usually a coping mechanism to hinder the feelings they are experiencing or to feel something that they are not. They are getting high or drunk to escape their reality. Drugs and alcohol are used as forms of medication.

My community struggles with addiction like huge cities struggle with pollution. There is so much talent and potential that is wasted because of substance abuse. There are the star athletes who had full ride scholarships to play the sport they love but have thrown it away to attend parties and be in the social scene. It is the grandparents and extended family members who take care of the baby who was born addicted to their parents drug of choice. It was the countless nights that my sister and I were awake tending to my cousin’s hand and feet while he was detoxing. She would rub his arms, an area he would stick the needle in, while I brought him gatorade to keep him hydrated from throwing up. It was the countless, “Are you using again?” The nights I’ve stayed up worrying about waking up to the news of his passing. It is a sad reality that my people are trying to overcome. Needless to say, reservation is a beautiful place but it needs to be seen through a specific lens.

Works Cited 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: Among the American Indian or Alaska Native (AIAN) Population Aged 12 or Older.” Sahmsa.Gov, 24 May 2023, 2021 National Survey on Drug Use and Health: Among the American Indian or Alaska Native (AIAN) Population Aged 12 or Older. Accessed 12 Jul. 2023.

Jada Walker

In a world where we start to see our younger minds reach for illegal substances rather than pencils and notebooks, I think I’ve always known there was a problem. I remember walking into my sophomore year French class and a boy once offered me something I knew nearly nothing about in a little tin can. I remember the friends I made during my junior year of high school were addicted to their vape pens and alcohol. And I especially remember hearing of the aunt that was loved so much by my father and his siblings, passing away from an overdose. I still see a great deal of the students on campus getting ahold of things that are illegal in some countries, and finding themselves unable to do schoolwork and honestly, even function normally.

Unfortunately, as a native to Austin and San Antonio, I’ve always seen people talking to themselves or hurting themselves in the streets. I think a more significant and fundamental question we should ask ourselves is “How will we end this?”. Although, I know that addiction is such a complex and widespread problem, I definitely feel like we, as a society should be doing more to help those that suffer from addiction. I definitely believe that mental health and addiction are connected. I believe that individuals with mental health disorders are at a higher risk of developing substance abuse or addiction issues. People use drugs to help them cope with emotional distress and to provide their minds with relief, which then starts the cycle of dependency and addiction.

My family has suffered the impact of addiction, as I had mentioned earlier, my aunt, my father’s sister passed away from an overdose. I was never able to meet her, hear her voice, hear her stories, ask her questions, or hear her laugh, because of her battle with addiction. Also, this is just one story, it’s bizarre to realize that so many others have had similar experiences with their loved ones and battling addiction. Unfortunately, we also see addiction in many celebrities as well, such as Whitney Houston, Prince, Mac Miller, and Heath Ledger, just to name a few. I think many people believe spread ignorance and believe that addiction isn’t a “rich people problem”, but addiction is everywhere, and spreads through the veins of our cities, our people.

An American T.V. drama called “Euphoria” portrays addiction and substance abuse in a realistic and gritty manner. It doesn’t shy away from showing the devastating consequences of drug use and the toll it takes on the characters’ lives. By presenting these issues in an unfiltered way, the show raises awareness about the harsh realities of addiction. The show provides a diverse representation of different types of addiction and substance abuse, including opioids, alcohol, and party drugs. By exploring various perspectives, “Euphoria” sheds light on the many facets of addiction and the ways it can manifest in people’s lives. The show sparked numerous well-needed discussions and debates about addiction, mental health, and the challenges faced by young people today. It encouraged viewers to talk openly about these issues and seek help if needed. Overall, I believe that shows like this, present the reality of addiction and how it can affect someone’s life, and can really allow viewers to open their eyes and spread light to a conversation that is long overdue on being talked about.

Spring 2023 College Scholarship Winners

Tommi Michael

Children are our future.. addicts.

I’m looking at all the faces of these third graders, and I’m counting. How many of these children will become addicts? As a teacher, I am aware that these children lead lives outside of the safety of my classroom. Many of them go home to parents who struggle with substance abuse or addiction. I know the children who do have addicted parents are eight times more likely to develop an addiction.

Society struggles with the idea that substance abuse and addiction are all around them today. It does not discriminate; it’s everywhere. Unfortunately, it is also in the classrooms. Children are coming to school to escape their homes. Siblings are taking on the role of one or both parents at very young ages. Students are bragging about trying different substances because they think it is socially acceptable and even “cool”. But many fail to notice another effect that substance abuse and addiction have on our future: the way it impacts our children .

I am looking at a child who has his head down on his desk, it’s like that most mornings. I set a water and granola bar on his desk, as I do every morning, to ensure he’s getting some food. I don’t pester him to do his work, I don’t ask what is wrong, and I don’t dare call home to speak with mom or dad. I know he may have had to use Narcan on his parents last night. I also know that he may have had to give his parents the little bit of change he had to pay for his lunch today just so they could get a fix. I take note that he doesn’t have his coat on because I saw his younger sibling bundled up in it this morning as they walked into the building. At such a young age, he is sacrificing so much.

I am very fortunate to have had a sibling that, even after 14 years of addiction, was able to choose sobriety. At one time, I was awake at all hours of the night looking up treatment programs that I could send him to. I called so many numbers trying to find a program that could help him.

In the end, I found myself staying hush hush about it because I didn’t want others to know that my brother had fallen victim to addiction. But why? Why couldn’t I find a treatment program – why were all the numbers just dead ends? Why didn’t I reach out to people in my community to help point me in the right direction? Simply put; addiction is frowned upon, misunderstood, and swept under the rug.

We talk about teen pregnancy, suicide, rape, all of these incredibly hard scenarios…but not substance abuse or addiction. D.A.R.E has become a cool screen print t-shirt that kids wear, not a program that is taken seriously. The real, raw stories are what impact children and teens. They need to hear the stories about parents who watched as their children were overtaken by substance abuse and addiction and the adults who were once innocent kids watching their own parents struggle with substance abuse. Then they need to hear from the people who struggled with addiction and chose sobriety.

Back in my classroom, I see the weight of the world on this young boy’s shoulders, and I wish I could make things better. I would love to send him to a specified social worker who helps children that are exposed to substance abuse and addiction. I can imagine him entering a room stocked with necessities that are pre-bagged for him to grab. He would tell the social worker his sizes for a new coat, and one for his sibling. This social worker would ask if he wants to take couple doses of Narcan home with him, just in case. And a list of numbers and addresses would be readily available for children to take home to their parents, in hopes that they might choose to use those valuable resources to seek help. The social worker would take time to talk (and listen) to this young boy, then walk him through a few exercises that can reduce his already elevated risk of becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol.

When this student is leaving at the end of the day, I remind him that he can contact me at any time for anything. He nods, and I tell him I will see him tomorrow. As he closes my classroom door behind him, I pray that I do see him tomorrow.

Gracie Kayko

Substance abuse and addiction is nothing new to me. While growing up in a small suburb of Des Moines, Iowa, I was raised by two addicts. One of them was in recovery, the other one still active in their substance abuse. I’ve seen what addiction can do to an individual, families, even communities. Substance abuse is something that is glamorized now due to the attention it gets from social media, films, music videos, and more. The recent HBO show, Euphoria, became a trend on tiktok. Young adults glamorized the colors, party scene, and euphoria that the show portrayed addiction as. While the show was trying to shed light on what addiction can do to families, the kids watching the show associated the drug abuse with music, a feeling of forgetting and being numb, beautifying eye makeup and colorful lighting. That isn’t what addiction is. It isn’t colorful, it isn’t revolutionary music playing in the background, and it isn’t wearing pink eyeshadow. Addiction is painful, lonely, and dark.

Addiction has taken over vase populations in our society. It’s putting children on the streets, taking lives away from their loved ones, and increasing crime in neighborhoods no one thought there would be any. But addiction has a negative connotation surrounding it. When a person says they are a recovering addict, many think that means they are a bad person. Recovering addict = criminal, murderer, low life, junky. Addiction is a disease, an incurable one. Just because someone is no longer an active user does not mean they are no longer an addict.

In AA, alcoholics anonymous, everyone introduces themselves as an alcoholic. Whether they have been sober thirty days or thirty years, they are still an alcoholic.

What we can do to reduce the negative effects of addiction is to stop treating it like self destruction and start treating it as the disease it is. A lot of addicts are afraid to speak up about their struggles in the fear of being judged, locked away, and disowned. Would you disown your child if they had cancer? Another way to help those struggling with addiction is to make mental health and illness resources more available and affordable. In many cases, there is a direct correlation between mental illness and addiction. There needs to be more education in public schools, outreach programs, and advocacy for those in need. When it comes to teens and young adults, many don’t want to ask their parents for help in fear of disappointment and getting in trouble, or many don’t know how their parents would react. Having your teen come to you saying they think they have a problem isn’t easy. I saw how hard it was for my own parents, but if they are educated on what steps to take next and how to respond, it could mean the difference. Luckily, when my younger brother came to my dad about his own addiction, my dad knew exactly what to do since he is a recovering addict himself, but not all parents have the experience my own father does. Schools should have some kind of program for parents, required, to teach them how to deal when your teen comes to you asking for help. This program could touch on a multitude of things; addiction, mental health, LGBTQ+, etc.

There are stigmas surrounding addiction, the younger generations glamorize it, and older generations ignore and despise it. But if programs and educational systems can teach those that addiction is a disease, it isn’t something to be ashamed of, and show people the correct steps to recovery, substance abuse can become preventable, and lives can be saved.

Ariana Mariscal

In order to understand the effects of drugs on society we first must look at the effects of drugs in people. The first thing that needs to be addressed is that drug use is an addiction, it is not simply a weakness but rather a disease that requires treatment like any other disease. One of the awful things about drug addiction is that not only does it affect the addicted it also affects the community around you.

Drugs have a very powerful effect on the brain, the root of this addiction is because of how addiction affects how the brains ability to to send an receive signals by its vast system of neurons and neurotransmitters. Different drugs will have different effects pf the brain, drugs such as marijuana and heroin both of which have an opiate effect will act like a neurotransmitter which neurons will send electrical signals to conduct messages but because these are drugs and not real neurotransmitters these signals are abnormal and disrupt the brain’s chemistry.

Drugs are so additive and damaging because they can affect all parts of the brain which means not only do drugs affect the brain’s functions but also the bodies normal everyday function. Cannabis can cause increased heart rate and blood pressure, cocaine can lead to seizures and brain hemorrhages, and ecstasy can causes anxiety, paranoia, and dehydration, and there are many other effects. Because drugs can affect everything from heart and breathing rates it makes it very hard for people to quit. The problem with this is that the more often the drug is used the greater the tolerance they will build. This never ending toxic cycle might cause people to start taking larger doses and this process can quickly snowball into overdoses.

Now that we understand how drugs affect us we can now discuss how drug abuse affects our families and societies. Drug addiction completely overtakes the lives and minds of those affected and leaves almost no room for the family, friends, and loved ones present in their lives. Since drugs can affect anyone at any age and of any sex this means that drugs can affect fathers, mothers, leaders, coworkers, friends, schoolmates, etc. Keeping in mind that drugs could affect key figures in many institutions such as families, schools, and our workplaces can help us understand why when the afflicted disappear for long periods of time, lie to cover up their drug use, use their current relationships to access drugs, and even perhaps use their partners to enable their addiction; this may indeed hurt many relationships. It is quite common that relationships severed by drug addiction will require treatment and therapy to be repaired.

As awful the effects are in personal relations the affects of drug abuse is also detrimental to society. In the United States alone it cost $740 billion in health care, prevention, and drug related crimes. Communities affected by a larger number of drug related crimes will have to spend more more on funding more police to combat this. Similarly in communities that have obtained a negative reputation for drug related crimes, they may experience a loss of property values which will cause people to move away or experience low quality living. Drug abuse has also been known to have a generational affect, children who have been abused or neglected because of drugs have a higher chance of drug use in the future.

Emily Walton

Today’s society, especially the younger generations, have normalized many forms of substance abuse more and more over the years. Whether it be encouraged by mental health, peer pressure, or celebrity influence, there are many reasons substance abuse is an increasing problem in our society today.

Mental Health

My experience with substance abuse started in high school. Its easy to see the affects technology has had on the younger generations. Growing up always having a screen in front of your face and being overstimulated makes it harder to develop social skills. This causes kids to have more anxiety when it comes to attending any social event, even school. Another issue younger generations face is cyber bullying and social media driven insecurities. These struggles contribute to why many of my classmates had mental health issues they dealt with by using drugs.

Peer Pressure

As mentioned above, substance abuse was a regular occurrence throughout my public-school career. If you didn’t smoke, drink or pop pills you were looked at as a “goody goody”. Kids my age are so depressed at times they just want to be numb, and that’s where substance abuse comes in. There were countless drug dealers that went to my school who sold anything from marijuana to Xanax. Those were the most common drugs of choice for my classmates. It got so bad that they brought in a K9 unit to walk around my school and at least one of those dealers walked out in handcuffs.

Celebrity Influence

The encouragement of substance abuse is all around us. The most popular type of music was rap and hip hop at my old high school. When listening to many of these songs you hear a lot about doing drugs. I realized how big of a problem it was when my favorite artist suddenly overdosed. He used the name “Juice WRLD” and he had just turned 21. This really hit me when I realized he was the same age as my older brother. This was somebody’s brother, son, boyfriend, and friend, and it was in front of our face the entire time. Many of his songs mentioned his struggle with substance abuse multiple times. He even went as far as releasing an album titled “The WRLD on drugs”. Abusing these drugs has been normalized by many celebrities, so why isn’t talking about recovery normalized and accepted the same way?

Personal Experience

My personal experience with addiction comes from a relative of mine. My great aunt’s daughter was an addict before I was born and throughout most of my childhood. She lived in a different state, and I didn’t see her often enough to know that anything was happening with her until I was older. I heard about her decision to get clean around two years ago and it astounded me how much backlash she got from my great aunt and uncle for it. They’re the type of people who would NEVER talk about a subject so taboo. They shamed her and wouldn’t even go to her ceremony to get her 1-year chip for sobriety. My mom decided to fly out to support her at the ceremony. The next summer, we drove down to visit her for a week and that was the first time I ever really got to know her. She is truly one of the most amazing and caring people I’ve ever met. It made me so sad to see her family treat her badly because of past mistakes.

What We Can Do

I feel like the most we can do in society to help with the problem of addiction is to talk about it. I feel like more people would decide to get clean if they knew it wasn’t such a taboo subject. We can normalize the recovery process the same way doing drugs is normalized in our society. Another thing we can do is make recovery resources more accessible and less shameful to addicts of all ages. Many rehab or mental health resources are expensive to people who don’t have health insurance. We need to do better to prevent this problem from worsening for the future generations!

Substance abuse and addiction have been affecting our society for a long time, and they continue to cause harm to individuals and communities alike. Substance abuse refers to the excessive use of drugs or alcohol, while addiction is the inability to stop using despite the harmful consequences. These issues can have severe impacts on a person’s health, relationships, and livelihood, and they also take a toll on society as a whole.

One of the most significant effects of substance abuse and addiction is the physical harm it causes. People who struggle with addiction often suffer from serious health problems, such as heart disease, liver damage, and even death from overdose. This can put a significant burden on our healthcare system and lead to high medical expenses for individuals and society as a whole.

In addition to the physical harm, addiction also has significant social and economic impacts. People who struggle with addiction may lose their jobs, become homeless, and break apart relationships with friends and family. This can result in a vicious cycle of poverty, unemployment, and increased substance abuse, making it harder for them to overcome their addiction. The opioid crisis in the United States has been especially devastating, with thousands of people dying every year from opioid overdoses.

To reduce the negative effects of addiction and help people access treatment resources, we need to change the way we view addiction. Addiction is a chronic illness, not a choice, and it should be treated as such. Here are some steps we can take to make a difference:

Increase access to treatment – People who struggle with addiction need access to effective treatment options, such as counseling, support groups, and medication-assisted treatment. By providing a range of resources, individuals can choose what works best for them and start on the path to recovery.

Invest in prevention – Preventing addiction before it starts is crucial. By investing in programs that educate people about the dangers of substance abuse and provide support to those at risk, we can help prevent addiction and reduce its impact on society.

Reduce the stigma – Unfortunately, people who struggle with addiction are often judged and seen as weak. This stigma can prevent people from seeking help, and it only serves to increase the harm caused by addiction. By reducing the stigma and treating addiction as the chronic illness that it is, people will feel more comfortable seeking help and won’t feel ashamed.

Address root causes – Substance abuse and addiction often have root causes, such as poverty, unemployment, and lack of access to healthcare. Addressing these root causes can help prevent addiction and support those struggling with it. This can be done through programs that improve access to education, job training, and mental health services.

In conclusion, substance abuse and addiction are significant problems that affect individuals and society as a whole. But by taking a public health approach, we can make a real difference. By increasing access to treatment, investing in prevention, reducing the stigma, and addressing the root causes of addiction, we can help individuals overcome their struggles and create a brighter future for everyone.

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Guest Essay

Anxious Parents Are the Ones Who Need Help

By Mathilde Ross

Dr. Ross is a senior staff psychiatrist at Boston University Health Services.

This month, across the country, a new cohort of students is being accepted into colleges. And if recent trends continue, the start of the school year will kick off another record-breaking season for anxiety on campus.

I’m talking about the parents. The kids are mostly fine.

Let me explain. Most emotions, even unpleasant ones, are normal. But the word is out about increasing rates of mental health problems on campus, and that’s got parents worrying. Fair enough. The statistics are startling — in 2022, nearly 14 percent of 18-to-25-year-olds reported having serious thoughts about suicide.

But parents are allowing their anxiety to take over, and it’s not helping anyone, least of all their children. If a child calls home too much, there must be a crisis! And if a child calls too little, there must be a crisis! Either way, the panicked parent picks up the phone and calls the college counseling center to talk to someone like me.

I am a psychiatrist who has worked at a major university’s mental health clinic for 16 years. Much of next year’s freshman class was born the year before I started working here. Technically, my job is to keep my door open and help students through crises, big and small. But I have also developed a comprehensive approach to the assessment and treatment of anxious parents.

The typical call from a parent begins like this: “I think my son/daughter is suffering from anxiety.” My typical reply is: “Anxiety in this setting is usually normal, because major life transitions like living away from home for the first time are commonly associated with elevated anxiety.” Parents used to be satisfied with this kind of answer, thanked me, hung up, called their children and encouraged them to think long-term: “This too shall pass.” And most everyone carried on.

But these days this kind of thinking just convinces parents that I don’t know what I’m talking about. In the circular logic of mental health awareness, a clinician’s reassurance that situational anxiety is most likely normal and time-limited leads a parent to believe that the clinician may be missing a serious mental health condition.

Today’s parents are suffering from anxiety about anxiety, which is actually much more serious than anxiety. It’s self-fulfilling and not easily soothed by logic or evidence, such as the knowledge that most everyone adjusts to college just fine.

Anxiety about anxiety has gotten so bad that some parents actually worry if their student isn’t anxious. This puts a lot of pressure on unanxious students — it creates anxiety about anxiety about anxiety. (This happens all the time. Well-meaning parents tell their kid to make an appointment with our office to make sure their adjustment to college is going OK.) If the student says she’s fine, the parents worry that she isn’t being forthright. This is the conundrum of anxiety about anxiety — there’s really no easy way to combat it.

But I do have some advice for parents. The first thing I’d like to say, and I mean it in the kindest possible way, is: Get a grip.

As for your kids, I would like to help you with some age-appropriate remedies. If your child calls during the first weeks of college feeling anxious, consider saying any of the following: You’ll get through this; this is normal; we’ll laugh about this phone call at Thanksgiving. Or, say anything that was helpful to you the last time you started something new. Alternatively, you could say nothing. Just listening really helps. It’s the entire basis of my profession.

If the anxiety is connected to academic performance — for instance, if your child is having difficulty following the professor and thinks everyone in class is smarter — consider saying, “Do the reading.” Several times a semester, a student I’ve counseled tells me he or she discovered the secret to college: Show up for class prepared! This is often whispered rather sheepishly, even though my office is private.

Anxiety about oral presentations is also quite common. You know what I tell students? “Rehearse your speech.” Parents, you can say things like this, too. Practice it: “Son, you wouldn’t believe how helpful practice is.”

I can prepare you for advanced topics, too. Let’s say your child is exhausted and having trouble waking up for class; he thinks he has a medical problem or maybe a sleep disorder. Consider telling him to go to bed earlier. Common sense is still allowed.

What if a roommate is too loud or too quiet, too messy or too neat? Advise your kid to talk to the roommate, to take the conversation to the problem’s source.

If your child is worrying about something more serious, like failing out of college: This is quite common in the first few weeks on campus. Truth be told, failing all of one’s classes and being expelled as a result, all within the first semester, is essentially impossible and is particularly rare among those students who are worrying about it. The administrative process simply doesn’t happen that fast. Besides, you haven’t paid enough tuition yet.

I’m making my job sound easy, and it’s not. I’m making kids sound simple, and they’re not. They are my life’s work. Some kids walk through my door in serious pain. But most don’t. Most just need a responsible adult to show them the way. And most of what I do can be handled by any adult who has been through a thing or two, which is to say, any parent.

I worry that the current obsession with mental health awareness is disempowering parents from helping their adult children handle ordinary things. People are increasingly fearful that any normal emotion is a sign of something serious. But if you send your adult children to a mental health professional at the first sign of distress, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to strengthen your relationship with them. This is the beginning of their adult relationship with you. Show them the way.

The transition to college is full of excitement and its cousin, anxiety. I enjoy shepherding young people through this rite of passage. Parents should try enjoying it, too.

Mathilde Ross is a senior staff psychiatrist at Boston University Health Services.

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Ask Amy: Mom frets about daughter’s alcoholism

Dear Amy: I have a 49-year-old daughter who is an elementary school teacher. She became an alcoholic during covid. She has a master’s degree, a beautiful home, and a partner of nine years. She will lose it all, due to her drinking.

She won’t go to AA, and I have suggested inpatient rehab — to no avail. It is breaking my heart. Her father died from cirrhosis of the liver due to alcoholism at 57, and I’m scared I will lose her, too. She has a twin sister and a brother.

Do you have any suggestions besides Al-Anon?

— Scared Mom

Scared: Your daughter is aware of the worst-case outcome if her addiction spirals, untreated, and if she is unable to attain and maintain sobriety. She knows this because she has felt the consequences and the loss from end-stage alcoholism. Your whole family has had real-life exposure to the danger of this addiction. But she is an addict.

Aside from therapy and Al-Anon (or another “friends and family” support program), my suggestion is to love your daughter through this. Maintain frequent contact, spend time together, and maintain your relationship as well as you can, aside from her addiction. Offer her a judgment-neutral safe harbor so she won’t become isolated, and encourage her to seek treatment without letting her alcoholism become her primary identity in your relationship. Those are some things you can do for her.

For your own sake, you should maintain some boundaries. Don’t serve alcohol to her in your home. Don’t make excuses for her. Don’t let her alcoholism run your life. Offer to support her recovery, but don’t enable her addiction. Read, or reread, “Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself,” by Melody Beattie (2022, Hazelden).

Dear Amy: My husband is a wonderful man. We’ve been married more than 40 years. He has children who are now in their 50s from a previous marriage, and we all get along great.

His two daughters are quite overweight. He wants to say something to them and perhaps incentivize them to lose weight by offering to pay for any remedies to get their weight-loss process going. I too have had a weight problem and have slowly lost 50 pounds over the past 10 years. I’ve been hoping to lead by example.

I think he’s making a mistake to bring weight up to his girls. But he says he’s their father and he needs to approach them for their health’s sake. What do you think?

— Wondering

Wondering: My standard reaction to this sort of question is always the same: Does your husband imagine that his adult daughters don’t know that they are overweight? We are surrounded by images of thinness and the shame of fatness. Weight loss remedies and now drugs like Ozempic are in the news every day. And yet an estimated 72 percent of Americans over the age of 20 are overweight or obese. As you know from your own experience, obesity is a lifelong social, personal, and health challenge.

Overall, obesity has been so stigmatized that, along with the stigma, it has been considered a taboo topic to discuss — because discussing it often highlights the pain and shame that some people with obesity internalize. This is a tough topic to bring up, but if your husband can do so in a loving, supportive and nonjudgmental way, he could try.

As someone who has fought your own battle with obesity, perhaps your husband could rehearse a conversation with you. Maybe it’s time to discuss obesity as a disease, instead of a character flaw.

Dear Amy: “ Puzzled Parents ” insisted that their daughter had to get As and Bs in college. I think you were off-base in calling this rule “dumb.”

College is ridiculously expensive. We told our daughters: “If I am getting out of bed every morning to earn money to pay your tuition, you are getting out of bed to go to class and get at least a B. Or you will foot that bill.” All four of our daughters were held to this standard. Not all of them believed us until they were due to pay their loans.

The thing is, college isn’t for everyone. And college isn’t for everyone aged 18. After a year, if the child/adult isn’t sure she can get good grades, she should be examining other life choices and education. These parents are not dumb or wrong, but trying to raise a responsible person.

— Not Puzzled

Not Puzzled : You make great points — thank you.

© 2024 by Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency.

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