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How to Be a Better Person

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

We all want to be our best, but many people wonder if it's actually possible to become a better person once you're an adult. The answer is a resounding yes. There are always ways to improve yourself. This answer leads to more questions, however.

How can you improve yourself to be a better person? What is the easiest approach? And what are the most important aspects of self to work on? Taking into account your own well-being as well as the best interests of others, here are some of the most important ways to become a better person. 

Let Go of Anger

KOLOstock / Getty Images 

We all experience anger in our lives. Uncontrolled anger, however, can create problems in our relationships and even with our health. All of this can lead to more stress and additional problems, complicating life and keeping us from being our best selves. That's why learning to manage and eventually let go of anger is so important to becoming a better person.

Letting go of anger isn't always easy. But the first step is learning more about recognizing anger and knowing what to do when you feel angry in your life.

Recognizing anger is often simple if you make an effort to notice when you feel upset and decide to manage this feeling rather than denying it or lashing out at others as a way of coping. Focus on noticing when you feel angry and why, and know that there is a difference between feeling angry and acting on that anger. Then, know your options.

You can change your beliefs about what is making you angry. This can work by learning more about the situation, or even reminding yourself there may be things you don't know yet.

Remind yourself that maybe that person who cut you off in traffic was distracted by something challenging in their own life. If a friend seems to be rude to you, inquire about how their day is going and find out if there's more that you don't know.

You can also focus on what your "anger triggers" are, and eliminate them as possible. For example, if you find yourself becoming frustrated and angry when you have to rush, work on making more space in your schedule (even if it means saying "no" a little more), and try to eliminate that trigger. If a certain person makes you angry, try to limit their role in your life if it doesn't work to talk things out with them first.

It's also important to learn to let go of grudges and residual anger from each day. Don't wake up holding a grudge from the night before if you can help it. Focus on forgiveness , even if it means you don't let someone who wronged you continue to have an important role in your life. When you stay in the present moment as much as possible, this becomes easier.

Practicing stress relievers like meditation can also help you to let go of anger. Focus on releasing the hold that the past may have on you. Put your attention to the current moment and it becomes easier to avoid rumination and stay in a good place.

Support Others

Helping others may seem like an obvious route to becoming a better person. We often think of "good people" as those who are willing to sacrifice for others. This, in the minds of many, is what makes a person "good." However, good deeds can also make us better people because of the connection between altruism and emotional well-being.

According to research, it just may be true that it's better to give than to receive. So while you may feel too stressed and busy to extend help to others when it's not absolutely necessary, expanding your ability to focus on the needs of others can really help you as well. It’s true:  Altruism  is its own reward and can actually help you relieve stress.

Studies show that altruism is good for your emotional well-being and can measurably enhance your peace of mind.  

For example, one study found that dialysis patients, transplant patients, and family members who became support volunteers for other patients experienced increased personal growth and emotional well-being.

Another study on patients with multiple sclerosis (MS) showed that those who offered other MS patients peer support actually experienced greater benefits than their supported peers, including more pronounced improvement of confidence, self-awareness , self-esteem , depression, and daily functioning. Those who offered support generally found that their lives were dramatically changed for the better.

In addition to making the world a better place, exercising your altruism can make you a happier, more compassionate person. Because there are so many ways to express altruism, this is a simple route to being a better person, one that is available to all of us every day. This is good news indeed.

Leverage Your Strengths

Losing track of time when you’re absorbed in fulfilling work or another engaging activity, or what psychologists refer to as " flow ," is a familiar state for most of us. Flow is what happens when you get deeply involved in a hobby, in learning a new skill or subject, or in engaging in activities that supply just the right mix of challenge and ease.   

When we feel too challenged, we feel stressed. When things are too easy, we may become bored—either way, finding the sweet spot between these two extremes keeps us engaged in a very good way.

You can experience flow by writing, dancing, creating, or absorbing new material that you can teach others.

What may bring you to that state of being may be challenging for others, and vice versa. Think about when you find yourself in this state most often, and try doing more of that.

The state of flow is a good indicator of whether an activity is right for you. When you're in a state of flow, you're leveraging your strengths, and this turns out to be great for your emotional health and happiness. It's also a very positive thing for the rest of the world because your strengths can usually be used to help others in some way. 

When you learn enough about yourself to know what your best strengths are and find out how to use them for the benefit of others, you're on your way to being a better person, and a happier one as well.

Use the "Stages of Change" Model

Ask yourself: If you had a magic wand, what would you like to see in your future? Ignoring the ideas of how you’ll get there, vividly imagine your ideal life, and what would be included in it.

Take a few minutes to list, on paper or on your computer, the changes and goals that would be included in this picture. Be specific about what you want. It’s okay if you want something that you seemingly have no control over, such as a mate who is perfect for you. Just write it down.

You may follow the lead of many businesses and have a one-year, five-year, and 10-year plan for your life. (It doesn’t have to be a set-in-stone  plan , but a list of wishes and goals.) Keeping in mind what you hope for in your future can help you feel less stuck in the stressful parts of your present life, and help you see more options for change as they present themselves.

There are several ways to focus on change, but the stages of change model can lead you to your best self perhaps more easily than many other paths. This model of change can be adapted to whatever mindset you have right now and can work for most people.

The Stages of Change Model

• Precontemplation : Ignoring the problem
• Contemplation : Aware of the problem
• Preparation : Getting ready to change
• Action : Taking direct action toward the goal
• Maintenance : Maintaining new behavior
• Relapse : Reaffirm your goal and commitment to change

One of the most important parts of this route to change is that you don't push yourself to make changes before you're ready, and you don't give up if you find yourself backsliding—it's a forgivable and even expected part of the process of change. Understanding this plan for making changes can help you to be a better person in whatever ways you choose.

Press Play for Advice on Creating Change

This episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares how to use the six stages of change to apply them to your own process of change. Click below to listen now.

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Take Care of Yourself

Stígur Már Karlsson / Heimsmyndir / Getty Images

You may not always have control over the circumstances you face. But you  can  control how well you take care of yourself, which can affect your stress levels and enable you to grow as a person when you face life's challenges.

Self-care is vital for building resilience when facing unavoidable stressors for several reasons. When you're tired, eating poorly, or generally run down, you will likely be more reactive to the stress you face in your life. You can even end up creating more problems for yourself by reacting poorly rather than responding from a place of calm inner strength.

Conversely, when you're taking good care of yourself (both your physical and mental health ), you can be more thoughtfully engaged with whatever comes, use the resources you have in your life, and grow from the challenges you face, rather than merely surviving them.

Taking proper care of your body, soul, and mind can keep you in optimum shape for handling stress. That gives you added resilience to manage those challenges in life that we all face, as well as those that may be unique to you.

Basics of Self-Care

In terms of self-care strategies , there are several that can help, but some of the most important aspects of self-care include the basics:

• Connection with others

Sleep is important for your emotional and physical well-being because too little or poor quality sleep can leave you feeling more stressed and less able to brainstorm solutions to problems you face. Lack of sleep can take a toll on your body as well, both in the short term and in the long run. Poor sleep can even affect your weight.

The same is true with poor nutrition. A poor diet can leave you feeling bloated and tired, and can add extra pounds over time. You need the right fuel to face life's challenges, but when stress hits, it's often the unhealthy food we crave.

Social Connections

Feeling connected to others can help you feel more resilient. Good friends can help you to process negative emotions, brainstorm solutions, and get your mind off your problems when necessary. It's sometimes challenging to find time for friends when you have a busy, stressful life, but our friends often make us better people both with their support and their inspiration.

Finally, it is important to take a little time for yourself. This can mean journaling and meditation, or it can come in the form of exercise or even watching re-runs at home. This is particularly important for introverts , but everyone needs some time to themselves, at least sometimes.

Learn to Be User-Friendly

Our relationships can create a haven from stress, and help us to become better people at the same time. They can also be a  significant source of stress when there is conflict that is resolved poorly or left to fester. The beauty of this is that as we do the work it takes to become a better friend, partner, and family member, it can also be a path to becoming a better person.

To improve your relationships and yourself, learn conflict resolution skills. These skills include being a good listener, understanding the other side when you are in conflict, and anger management techniques .

These things can help us be better versions of ourselves. They can also minimize the stress we experience in relationships, making these relationships stronger. Close relationships usually provide plenty of opportunities to practice these skills as you work on improving them, so you can perhaps even appreciate the opportunities when they arise and feel less upset.

Mental Health Foundation. Cool down: Anger and how to deal with it .

Post SG. Altruism, happiness, and health: It's good to be good . Int J Behav Med . 2005;12(2):66-77. doi:10.1207/s15327558ijbm1202_4

Cheron G. How to measure the psychological "flow"? A neuroscience perspective . Front Psychol . 2016;7:1823. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01823

Sadler-Gerhardt CJ, Stevenson DL. When it all hits the fan: Helping counselors build resilience and avoid burnout . American Counseling Association VISTAS 2012(1).

National Sleep Foundation. How much sleep do we really need?

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

50 Essays Guaranteed to Make You a Better Person

It’s hard to be a person in the world today — or, really, any day, but today’s what we’ve got. Humans are striving creatures, and also empathetic ones, so most of us are always looking for an opportunity to improve ourselves, even in tiny, literary ways. We’ve already established that novels can make you a better person , but of course, novels also take you down a long winding road to get there. If you’re looking for a more direct shot to the heart, try an essay. After the jump, you’ll find 50 essays more or less guaranteed to make you a better person — or at least a better-read one — some recommended by notables of the literary and literary nonfiction world, some recommended by yours truly, incessant consumer of the written word. Don’t see the essay that changed your life? Please do add it to the list.

”Documents,” Charles D’Ambrosio

(Recommended by Leslie Jamison, author of The Empathy Exams )

“You could call Charles D’Ambrosio’s essay “Documents” a piece of memoir, an act of urgent fraternal curiosity, a parade of ghosts — and it’s all of these, but formally it’s really a series of close-readings connected by deep grooves of loss. D’Ambrosio examines texts written by his father and his troubled brothers — including letters, a suicide note, and a fanciful poem — in order to meditate on the intimacies and ruptures that have structured his family. As is the nature of his brilliance, D’Ambrosio resists conclusions. He honors the complexity embedded in his grief—not always a source of solace, but ultimately a powerful kind of tribute.”

“Documents” will appear this November in Loitering . For now, read it here .

”Some Thoughts on Mercy,” Ross Gay

This essay is, unfortunately, more relevant than ever. Poet Ross Gay delves not only into the terrible prejudices with which people of color in America struggle every day, but also into the way those prejudices influence their own perception, their own idea of themselves. “Look how I’ve been made by this,” he writes.

“But what if we acknowledged those fears, regardless of how awful or shameful they are? What if we acknowledged this country’s terrible and ongoing history of imagining its own citizens — indigenous, black, Japanese American, Arab American, Latino — as monsters? What if we acknowledged the drug war, and the resulting mass incarceration of African Americans, and the myriad intermediate crimes against citizens and communities as a product of our fears? And what if we thereby had to reevaluate our sense of justice and the laws and procedures and beliefs that constitute it? What if we honestly assessed what we have come to believe about ourselves and each other, and how those beliefs shape our lives? And what if we did it with generosity and forgiveness? What if we did it with mercy?”

As an added bonus, there is also some really beautiful stuff about bees.

Read it here .

“Some Notes on Attunement,” Zadie Smith

In this gorgeous essay, Zadie Smith describes falling in love with Joni Mitchell — and also has some intelligent and universally useful things to say about the value of emotional and intellectual openness. “Faith involves an acceptance of absurdity,” she writes. “To get us to that point, Kierkegaard hopes to ‘attune’ us, systematically discarding all the usual defenses we put up in the face of the absurd. Of course, loving Joni Mitchell does not require an acceptance of absurdity. I’m speaking of the minor category of the aesthetic, not the monument of the religious. But if you want to effect a breach in that stolid edifice the human personality I think it helps to cultivate this Kierkegaardian sense of defenselessness. Kierkegaard’s simple man makes a simple mistake: he wants to translate the mystery of the Biblical story into terms that he can comprehend. His failure has something to teach us. Sometimes it is when we stop trying to understand or interrogate apparently ‘absurd’ phenomena — like the category of the ‘new’ in art — that we become more open to them. Put simply: you need to lower your defenses.”

”The Aquarium,” Aleksandar Hemon

The last essay in Hemon’s wonderful The Book of My Lives is also the most stirring. In it, he recounts — with such gentleness, with such grace, with such bare grief — his family’s life after his nine-month-old daughter was diagnosed with cancer, a brain tumor. They say it’s the development of empathy that improves the emotional capacities of people who read literature, and if so, this essay must be the most effective piece of writing around. It will not only make you cry and call all your loved ones, but it will add Hemon, unalterably, to the list.

“In History,” Jamaica Kincaid

(Recommended by Jen Percy, author of Demon Camp )

“Kincaid, who is from Antigua, feels her own history has been erased. ‘What to call the thing that happened to me and all who look like me? Should I call it history?’ When Christopher Columbus arrived to the New World, he named everything he saw, ​including Antigua, which he named after a church. ‘This church might have been ​an ​important church to Christopher Columbus​,​ but churches are not important, originally, to people who look like me.’​ ​Kincaid​ reminds us that ​Columbus​ was ​not naming but renaming the world. ‘That it is new only to him, that it had a substantial existence, physical and spiritual, before he became aware of it,’ she writes, ‘does not occur to him.’ There is a seething quality to Kincaid — humanizing but also seething. This essay make s​ you aware of the narratives you ​unknowingly ​impose on others, and will ​help you ​​think with greater sensitivity about race and power. It asks you not to forget. The false story of history might become your own — ​and ​you are complicit in the up​most​ sense of the word.”

“In History” appears in The Colors of Nature .

“Once More to the Lake,” E.B. White

Feel like getting in touch with your own mortality? No, I’m sure you don’t, but it might be good for you. This classic essay is a luminous reminder of the circle of life and the ultimate interconnectedness of all human beings, likely to leave you flat — but also, all things considered, rather better off.

“A Few Words About Breasts,” Nora Ephron

Firstly: laughter probably makes you a better person. And so does the kind of giggly, head-nodding empathy that Ephron always seems to evoke — she will always be the one to remind you that you’re part of the world, part of her world, and it isn’t so bad, even when it’s bad, terrible, and totally flat-chested.

“Total Eclipse,” Annie Dillard

One of the most cosmically beautiful essays of all time, and filled with wisdom to boot. Just one eggy taste: “There are a few more things to tell from this level, the level of the restaurant. One is the old joke about breakfast. ‘It can never be satisfied, the mind, never.’ Wallace Stevens wrote that, and in the long run he was right. The mind wants to live forever, or to learn a very good reason why not. The mind wants the world to return its love, or its awareness; the mind wants to know all the world, and all eternity, and God. The mind’s sidekick, however, will settle for two eggs over easy.

“The dear, stupid body is as easily satisfied as a spaniel. And, incredibly, the simple spaniel can lure the brawling mind to its dish. It is everlastingly funny that the proud, metaphysically ambitious, clamoring mind will hush if you give it an egg.”

”Forty-One False Starts,” Janet Malcolm

(Recommended by Rachel Aviv, staff writer at The New Yorker )

“This won’t make you a better person, I don’t think. But it will make you attuned to how impossible it is to ever really know someone. No one is better than Malcolm at revealing the way that people, with all their complexities (and mood swings and self-constructions), continually slip out of reach.”

Read the essay in Malcolm’s collection of the same name, Forty-One False Starts: Essays on Artists and Writers .

“Split at the Root,” Adrienne Rich

Essential reading for anyone struggling with the multiplicity of identity — so, everybody.

“Self-Reliance,” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know, I know, you’re asleep already, but there’s a reason we all had to read this in high school. Emerson’s basic message is so elemental, so American, perhaps, but still worthwhile: “Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string.” Self-reliance, self-trust, self-belief — these things can go a long way towards just about anyone’s personal betterment.

“On Self-Respect,” Joan Didion

(Recommended by Sloane Crosley, author of How Did You Get This Number? )

“I don’t know if Joan Didion’s ‘On Self-Respect’ will make you a better person but it won’t make you a worse one (there are plenty of inward-facing essays that will). ‘On Self-Respect’ is an all-time favorite for how balanced and thoughtful it is, all the while acknowledging that we are not the balanced and thoughtful creatures we’d like to be, that we are quick to congratulate ourselves on compassion for the wrong reasons or to attack what we fear most in ourselves. It reaches deeply and quickly, separating out self-worth from self-respect, slyly highlighting the dangers of living to please and challenging our judgmental impulses, i.e. ‘To protest that some fairly improbable people, some people who could not possibly respect themselves , seem to sleep easily enough is to miss the point entirely.’ It also contains a killer Gone With The Wind reference.”

Read the essay here .

”Notes of a Native Son,” James Baldwin

One of the classics, and for good reason. “It was necessary to hold on to the things that mattered. The dead man mattered, the new life mattered; blackness and whiteness did not matter; to believe that they did was to acquiesce in one’s own destruction. Hatred, which could destroy so much, never failed to destroy the man who hated and this was an immutable law.” Almost 60 years later, and we still need to be reminded.

“Shunned,” Meredith Hall

Hall’s powerful essay details her experiences as a pregnant teenager in a small town in the ‘60s, cast out by family, church, friends. More poignant still is the way the reaction of those she thought loved her has infected the rest of her life — something we should all think about when leaping to judge or ostracize someone. “The shunning has created a deep shame that infuses my life. It makes me feel wildly vulnerable. I struggle still to claim a permanent space, an immutable relationship to those around me. It negates forever the ability to have a real friend. To speak in a room with confidence. To walk anyplace without believing that I have no right to be there and that I am in danger. In response I have built a formidable tenacity; my grandmother, never knowing its source, called me her ‘little rock of Gibraltar.’ I sometimes meet women and recognize in them an instinct to run, to be gone before harm can come again, mixed with a ferocious recklessness because nothing else can be taken. I wonder what they could have done to be paying such a price.”

“Blindness,” Jorge Luis Borges

Borges’s moving essay on his own “modest blindness” and the ways in which it has both inconvenienced and, more importantly, enriched his life will inspire anyone to embrace — or at least accept — their perceived flaws.

“Horseman, Pass By,” John Jeremiah Sullivan

(Recommended by Bronwen Dickey, essayist and journalist)

“You can read John Jeremiah Sullivan’s 2002 Harper’s essay ‘Horseman, Pass By’ a hundred times and never quite figure out how he does it — how the author shapes the loss of his father into a symphony that carries the reader across oceans of time, pondering the bond between man and horse. There are so many plates spinning at once — mortality, evolution, love, art, power, greed, and hope — that could have easily crashed at the hands of a lesser writer. But somehow, by the end of the piece, men and horses explain… everything. Not just for Sullivan, but for you .”

”The Love of My Life,” Cheryl Strayed

It’s hard, physically hard, to get through this essay. That’s how heartbreaking it is, how brutally raw, how plain brutal. You’ll carry it around with you for months. But you won’t be thinking about you and how hard this essay was to read — you’ll be thinking about how hard it must have been to actually live. After all, when it comes down to it, it’s mostly empathy for others, seeing outside ourselves, that makes us better people. Even (especially) when it’s hard.

”Notes on ‘Camp’,” Susan Sontag

Okay, okay, so this essay might not exactly make you a better person, but then again, as she quotes from Wilde, “It’s absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.” This essay is guaranteed to make you more charming, and less the other thing.

”Bad Feminist,” Roxane Gay

Feminism! Everyone should know what it means — and what it doesn’t mean. I would be amiss if I didn’t suggest that you read Gay’s entire, newly released essay collection of the same name, but if you only have 21 minutes to better yourself, here is a taste, published at VQR 2012.

“My Heroin Christmas,” Terry Castle

(Recommended by Meghan Daum, author of The Unspeakable…And Other Subjects of Discussion )

“Every essay in this 2010 collection by Stanford professor and renown scholar and cultural critic Terry Castle is a knockout, the most famous being her acerbic but ultimately affectionate retracing of her friendship (or, more accurately, ‘frenemy-ship’) with the late Susan Sontag. My favorite, however, deals with a less leonine figure, the jazz alto saxophone and clarinetist, Art Pepper. In ‘My Heroin Christmas,’ Castle writes of finding herself surprisingly engrossed in Pepper’s autobiography, Straight Life , which chronicles his lifelong struggles with heroin and his ‘Satanic fuck-it-all grandeur.’ Inexplicably drawn to the passionate, trainwrecked quality of Pepper’s life, Castle uses his story to channel some of her own dark family dramas. I love how this essay is at once totally erudite and totally irreverent. That’s Castle’s trademark blend.”

“No Name Woman,” Maxine Hong Kingston

In this lovely and strange essay, second-generation Chinese immigrant Maxine Hong Kingston explores and imagines her family’s secret: an aunt who drowned herself and her baby and is never spoken of. But Kingston gives her voice at long last, while investigating the damaging power of silence, the responsibilities of family, and the relationship of the dead to the living.

“The New Commandments,” Christopher Hitchens

In this short essay, Hitchens dissects the ten commandments (in their “Authorized” version) and suggests some rewrites. Whatever your religious beliefs, it’s hard to argue with that wallop of a final paragraph (and if you can argue, read it again, you need this):

“It’s difficult to take oneself with sufficient seriousness to begin any sentence with the words ‘Thou shalt not.’ But who cannot summon the confidence to say: Do not condemn people on the basis of their ethnicity or color. Do not ever use people as private property. Despise those who use violence or the threat of it in sexual relations. Hide your face and weep if you dare to harm a child. Do not condemn people for their inborn nature — why would God create so many homosexuals only in order to torture and destroy them? Be aware that you too are an animal and dependent on the web of nature, and think and act accordingly. Do not imagine that you can escape judgement if you rob people with a false prospectus rather than with a knife. Turn off that fucking cell phone — you have no idea how un important your call is to us. Denounce all jihad -ists and crusaders for what they are: psychopathic criminals with ugly delusions. Be willing to renounce any god or any religion if any holy commandments should contradict any of the above. In short: Do not swallow your moral code in tablet form.”

“Against Joie de Vivre,” Philip Lopate

This essay will, among other things, forever release you from the yoke of FOMO.

“The Fourth State of Matter,” Jo Ann Beard

(Recommended by Sari Botton, editor of the anthology Goodbye to All That: Writers on Loving and Leaving New York )

“There’s an aspect of Jo Ann Beard’s ‘The Fourth State of Matter’ — published originally in the June 24th, 1996 issue of The New Yorker and later in her essay collection, The Boys of My Youth — whose relevance is too often reestablished, each time news emerges of another school shooting. But even apart from that, this devastating essay remains perpetually relevant as a reminder of the fragility of life, and how tragedy can upend our lives drastically in an instant, taking with it nearly everything and everyone we hold dear. Beard illustrates this, ingeniously and poignantly, against the backdrop of a life that by contrast is shifting — unraveling, really — at a tortuously glacial pace. She’s barely living while her marriage and her dog are dying slow, undignified deaths. She holds onto shreds of hope that her husband might be coming back, despite all evidence to the contrary, including an unfortunately (deliberately?) placed pack of condoms (guys, don’t do that ). And then a disgruntled graduate student chooses an afternoon Beard has taken off from work to gun down all her colleagues in the astrophysics office at the University of Iowa. Each time I revisit this stunning piece, my heart pounds, and I find myself praying, ‘Please let it end differently this time.'”

“Mississippi Drift,” Matthew Power

If you’ve ever dreamed of Huck-Finning it down the Mississippi river on a raft of your own invention — or just living outside of society — read this essay first. In it, Power investigates the life of a “anarcho-buccaneer” and the overwhelming, or underwhelming, power of drift.

“The Death of the Moth,” Virginia Woolf

Such a tiny essay, such a tiny moth, such big things afoot: life, death, and what else is there? Woolf is a master, and this strange collection of images has lasted for many years, batting at our collective brain lamps.

“How to Tame a Wild Tongue,” Gloria E. Anzaldúa

A beautifully written and also very funny essay about the importance of language to self and the frustrations of being caught between cultures — things you probably don’t think about if you don’t experience them, but should.

“Advice to Graduates,” George Saunders

(Recommended by Megan Shull, author of The Swap )

“I love, love, love, George Saunders’s ‘Advice to Graduates’ — it’s a stunner. It’s one of those pieces I remember reading with bed-head hair, coffee in hand and blurry sleepy eyes on a Sunday morning and immediately, it just: woke me up. To have your heart awakened by words is a gift, and in this short beautiful graduation speech/essay is a treasure.”

From the essay: “That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality — your soul, if you will — is as bright and shining as any that has ever been. Bright as Shakespeare’s, bright as Gandhi’s, bright as Mother Teresa’s. Clear away everything that keeps you separate from this secret luminous place. Believe it exists, come to know it better, nurture it, share its fruits tirelessly.”

“The Braindead Megaphone,” George Saunders

Speaking of George Saunders — this essay on the ludicrousness of the news media and the Megaphone Guy phenomenon is a few years old now, but since things have (arguably) gotten even worse, it is still worth a read, if only so you can start working, belatedly, on your own personal antidote. That is, as explained by Saunders “every well-thought-out rebuttal to dogma, every scrap of intelligent logic, every absurdist reduction of some bullying stance.” Well, get on it, people.

“This Is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life,” David Foster Wallace

Here’s the thing: pretty much all of David Foster Wallace’s essays are brilliant. I’m half inclined to pull the SNOOT card and declare that “Authority and American Usage” would make anyone a better person, and it might. “Consider the Lobster,” “Big Red Son” (that’s the porn industry one), many others. But for this list, I’m just going to be a sensitive sucker and suggest “This Is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life,” which originated as a 2005 graduation speech at Kenyon College. This one, really and truly, might make you a better person, if only by reminding you that you are not actually the center of the universe.

Read it here , or listen to Wallace’s original talk.

“On Fear,” Mary Ruefle

In this essay, just one of the many incredible essays in her recent collection, Ruefle investigates the phenomenon of fear via poetry (plus a doctor and a pilot, among others). Besides being intellectually stimulating, it will remind you that you are not alone, it will remind you not to be (quite so) afraid.

“The Year in Dog Shit,” Jordan Ginsberg

(Recommended by Benjamin Samuel, Editor-at-Large at Electric Literature and Program Manager at the National Book Foundation)

“First I wanted to recommend an essay for writers , then something for everyone (because George Saunders is a genius ). But I decided on an essay that was close to my heart, and closer still to my dog’s bowels. Dogs are perpetual delight, sure, but they’re also a lot of maintenance. I’ve never learned how to delicately explain that I’ll be late for work, dinner, drinks, etc. because I’m waiting for my dog to… evacuate? But in this essay, Jordan Ginsberg is unashamed, reminding us that with dogs, just as with people, love means dealing with a whole lot of shit.”

“Shooting an Elephant,” George Orwell

A classic on empathy, conscience, and imperialism from a hallowed master of the form. Will make you think twice before doing whatever it is you’re told to do.

“Advice to Youth,” Mark Twain

Just because this is a satire, doesn’t mean it isn’t helpful. After all, some of it, while tongue-in-cheek, is pretty damn accurate. Case in point: “Always obey your parents, when they are present. This is the best policy in the long run, because if you don’t, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do, and you can generally make more by humoring that superstition than you can by acting on your own better judgment.”

“Go Gentle Into That Good Night,” Roger Ebert

Ebert’s meditation on mortality contains some of the best, most succinct information on how to live that I’ve ever read: “‘Kindness’ covers all of my political beliefs. No need to spell them out. I believe that if, at the end of it all, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do. To make others less happy is a crime. To make ourselves unhappy is where all crime starts. We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I didn’t always know this, and am happy I lived long enough to find it out.”

“Thoughts for the Times on War and Death,” Sigmund Freud

(Recommended by Lynne Tillman, author of What Would Lynne Tillman Do? )

“Freud’s essay is revelatory. He first supported Austria in the Great War, but changed his mind quickly. The essay begins, ‘In the confusion of war-time in which we are caught up…’ Here, Freud analyzes, and rejects, patriotism, and discusses the social and psychological meanings of war, and the neuroses that underlie going to war. For those of us living in the US, caught up in so many wars, this essay is extremely relevant and helpful.”

“Infinite Ache: My First Mother’s Day Without Her,” Saeed Jones

A beautiful and encouraging short essay about grief that might mend a tiny corner of a broken heart. Poets write the best essays.

“Attitude,” Margaret Atwood

Another essay-slash-commencement speech from the always excellent Atwood, carrying at least one piece of wisdom that will surely improve the life of just about everyone: “You may not be able to alter reality, but you can alter your attitude towards it, and this, paradoxically, alters reality. Try it and see.”

“Laugh, Kookaburra,” David Sedaris

That stovetop analogy will haunt you every time you have to make a decision. Depressing, but true.

“When I Was a Child,” Marilynne Robinson

(Recommended by Thessaly La Force, writer and editor of My Ideal Bookshelf )

“I won’t repeat who has already been named, so I’ll nominate the essays of Marilynne Robinson. She’s more known for her novels — Housekeeping , Gilead , Home , and now, Lila , which will come out this fall. Everyone should read those books, but her essays are worth picking up, too. ‘When I Was a Child,’ for example, is so fascinating and lifts the curtain to her great, wise mind. It’s also a mind that is fiercely individual, one that looks to the past for guidance, and is unapologetic about her own peculiar upbringing. There are gems to be found everywhere. Here, as she is explaining the intellectual drive behind Housekeeping and the prejudice she encounters from easterners who find it unbelievable that she managed to write such a good book:

Idaho society at that time at least seemed to lack the sense of social class which elsewhere makes culture a system of signs and passwords, more or less entirely without meaning except as it identifies groups and subgroups. I think it is indifference to these codes among Westerners that makes Easterners think they are without culture.

Or here, when she explains the West’s concept of ‘lonesomeness’:

I remember when I was a child at Coolin or Sagle or Talache, walking into the woods by myself and feeling the solitude around me build like electricity and pass through my body with a jolt that made my hair prickle. I remember kneeling by a creek that spilled and pooled among rocks and fallen trees with the unspeakably tender growth of small trees already sprouting from their backs, and thinking, there is only one thing wrong here, which is my own presence, and that is the slightest imaginable intrusion–feeling that my solitude, my loneliness, made me almost acceptable in so sacred a place.

​Her essays aren’t narratively driven like Janet Malcolm and they won’t have that understated cool like Joan Didion or even that eerie voice like Jo Ann Beard. But Robinson’s essays provoke my mind, and when they work, they remind me to go searching through the texts of the ancients — or anything before the 20th Century, really. And when I do, sometimes the best thing I’ve read all day can’t be found in some glossy magazine or a novel by a 20-under-40-er, but is, instead, a modest poem by Emily Dickinson. It’s not an easy space to find, especially in the midst of Instagram, Twitter, and trendy novels. But it’s worth trying to get there.”

“The Wound in the Face,” Angela Carter

Angela Carter on cosmetics and the evolution of what women’s faces are supposed to look like — always coming back to that big red mouth-wound, sex and blood together. Whether this will make you a better person, I’m not sure, but it will make you look at the faces of half the world just a little bit differently — and possibly with more understanding. Which really can’t hurt.

“The Bitch is Back,” Sandra Tsing Loh

A hilarious dissection of menopause in contemporary culture-slash-essential guide for “women of transitional age” and those that know them.

“On Keeping a Notebook,” Joan Didion

(Recommended by Taylor Sperry, Assistant Editor at FSG)

“’On Keeping a Notebook’ is not the most obvious Didion essay to read for the purpose of self-improvement (maybe that’s ‘On Morality,’ itself complicated in the context of such an exercise), but it contains phrases that found their way into my own notebooks and are now important not necessarily because of what they say, but because of who it was copying them down six, seven, eight years ago. And this, I take it, is the point: that ‘we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not.’ ‘On Keeping a Notebook’ is useful, bettering, because it may remind you of the thing that asks of you what ‘On Keeping a Notebook’ asks of me.”

“Long Distance,” Victor LaValle

In this essay, LaValle tells of “the most moving relationship” of his early twenties (a 50-year-old woman he’d never met, but called regularly through a dating line) and, later, the experience of sex after losing some 155 pounds. Lovely and funny and a reminder that we are something other than just our bodies — and a little bit our bodies, past and present, too.

“Travels With My Mom,” Terry Castle

(Recommended by Gideon Lewis-Kraus, author of A Sense of Direction )

“Though she tends to be better known for ‘The Professor’ or her hilarious essay on Sontag, my preferred piece of Terry Castle’s, and one of the essays I find myself thinking about most often, is ‘Travels with My Mom,’ originally published in a 2007 issue of the LRB . It’s simultaneously unforgettable as an essay about taste — her attempt to hold up a strand of raw garlic to the sentimentality of Georgia O’Keefe — and as a beautiful and surprising tribute to a difficult mother. A magnificent and powerful performance all around.”

“Devil’s Bait,” Leslie Jamison

Jamison’s essay about the mysterious and bizarre Morgellons disease is a wonderful meditation on suffering and empathy and how we can or should respond to pain in others. Or as she writes herself: “This isn’t an essay about whether Morgellons disease is real. That’s probably obvious by now. It’s an essay about what kinds of reality are considered prerequisites for compassion. It’s about this strange sympathetic limbo: Is it wrong to speak of empathy when you trust the fact of suffering but not the source?”

”Mr. Lytle, an Essay,” John Jeremiah Sullivan

Every essay in Pulphead is great, but this one, about Sullivan’s more-than-apprenticeship to a dying Southern writer, is a gorgeous ode to art and life that will make you reach out, even clumsily, even pointlessly, to those around you.

“The Ugly Tourist,” Jamaica Kincaid

Is this essay ever ruthless — but sometimes ruthlessness is what it takes to wrench one’s eyes open. “An ugly thing, that is what you are when you become a tourist, an ugly, empty thing, a stupid thing, a piece of rubbish pausing here and there to gaze at this and taste that, and it will never occur to you that the people who inhabit the place in which you have just passed cannot stand you…” Controversial, to be sure, but likely to make you a better tourist — at least.

Read it here (paywalled).

“The Forgotten Parakeet” et al, Chris Cokinos

(Recommended by Earl Swift, author of Auto Biography )

“Many essays stay with me long after I’ve read them, but a couple have persisted longer than most: those on the tragic fates of the Carolina parakeet and the passenger pigeon included in Hope Is the Thing with Feathers (New York: J.P. Tarcher/Putnam, 2000), Chris Cokinos’s wonderful meditation on impermanence, extinction and the heavy hand of man.

I had spent a lot of time in the woods before reading them, and had come to see the wilds around me as sturdy and timeless. Cokinos convinced me that this wasn’t at all the case—and reminded me that beauty is fleeting, life is fragile, and that in carelessness lies the recipe for disaster.”

”My Misspent Youth,” Meghan Daum

Even though it was written back in 1999, this essay is still an essential read for anyone dreaming of life in the big city or anyone whose dreams have already been, if not shattered, dented up by reality.

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How to Be a Better Person: A Guide to Self-Improvement

Last Updated: May 19, 2023 Fact Checked

This article was co-authored by Camber Hill and by wikiHow staff writer, Aly Rusciano . Camber Hill is a numerologist, author, speaker, and the owner of Camber Hill Coaching based in Long Beach, California. For over 37 years, Camber has coached entrepreneurs, creatives, business executives, and professional sports figures. He has also inspired creatives in the entertainment industry such as professional directors, writers, actors, and top radio personalities. Camber’s unique use of numerology allows him to understand the under-current which drives his clients to create long-term solutions and measurable results. His work has been featured in the History Channel's "The Human Calculator," The Los Angeles Times, Palm Springs Life Magazine, and California radio programs. He is also a member of The International Coaching Federations and is a board member of the ICF Orange County's Board of Directors. Additionally, Camber is distinguished as a certified business owner by the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. There are 20 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 1,725,683 times.

Life can be a whirlwind of responsibilities and stress, but with the right focus, you can start becoming a better person and who you want to be. In this article, we’ll help you learn how to be a better person in a number of different ways. From honoring yourself to doing small acts of kindness, there’s something you can do each and every day to better yourself and grow as an individual. Keep reading to learn how you can embark on your self-improvement journey.

Things You Should Know

• Keep a gratitude journal to be more positive and compassionate.
• Take care of your mental and physical health to brighten your mood and be happier.
• Find healthier outlets for anger, like exercising and doing yoga, to redirect negative emotions.

Set goals for yourself.

• Is there a relationship in your life you want to improve?
• What causes or movements are you passionate about?
• Is there a project you’ve been meaning to finish?
• What do you like to do in your free time?
• Making your goal to “be a better” person may be challenging to define and achieve. Instead, opt for small goals that can help you grow as an individual, like reading a nonfiction book, writing a short story, calling your mom every weekend, or helping someone in need every day.

Practice forgiveness.

• Dwelling on past wrongs can actually increase your blood pressure and heart rate, while forgiveness can help manage and lower stress.

Be empathetic towards others.

• Avoid making assumptions about people and jumping to conclusions.
• Imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes or situation.
• Actively listen to express interest and help someone feel heard.

Give back to your community.

• Aim to practice at least one act of kindness every day. It doesn’t have to be something big or time-consuming. Even leaving a sticky note on a public bathroom mirror saying, “You’re beautiful inside and out!” can make someone’s day.
• When you help others, you get a rush of endorphins that make you feel good. This is known as the “helper’s high.”

wikiHow Quiz: What Kind of Reality Check Do I Need?

Pick a sea creature:, go outside your comfort zone..

• Make a bucket list of things you can do outside of your comfort zone. Then, spend every other weekend checking an activity off the list.
• Ask friends to join you on your adventures for double the fun.
• Experiment with a different routine by going to a different coffee shop for lunch or taking an alternative route to work.
• Don’t be afraid to challenge yourself. The impossible can be obtainable if you put your best foot forward.

Learn something new.

• Sign up for a class you're interested in online or at a library. Maybe that’s an art class or a course on American Literature.
• Read a nonfiction book.
• Listen to a podcast about a topic you want to learn more about, like business, money, culture, or mental health.

Acknowledge your weaknesses.

• For instance, if friends don’t usually come to you for advice, ask yourself why. Do you talk over them or criticize their decisions? Maybe you need to work on being a better listener.
• The more you learn to be flexible and adaptable with your behavior, the better you can care for yourself and those around you.

Control your anger.

• Try redirecting your anger away from yourself and others by going on a walk, doing yoga, or punching a pillow.
• Calm yourself down by taking deep belly breaths and visualizing a relaxing or joyful memory.
• Reconstruct your thinking patterns by avoiding words like “never” or “always” to describe yourself or others.

Express your feelings respectfully.

• “You never listen to me anymore,” changes to, “I feel that my concerns aren’t being heard.”
• “I hate when you shout at the kids,” changes to, “When you shout at the kids, I feel upset because I want the kids to feel respected.”
• “You’re always grounding me. It’s not fair!” changes to, “I feel like you’re always grounding me, and it upsets me.”

Be grateful.

• Keep a gratitude journal or make a gratitude list to highlight all the things you're thankful for each day, big or small. [11] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
• Savor surprises by appreciating the thought that was put into them.
• Share what you’re thankful for with others. For instance, if your brother helped you move your couch, let him know how much you appreciate his help. [12] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source

Be patient.

• For instance, maybe you ordered a pizza for family game night, but the deliverer is stuck in traffic. Instead of getting frustrated, recognize that the extra time waiting for your pizza has given you more time to pick out a game. Plus, you’ll probably get a discounted pizza.
• Another example could be that your computer starts updating the moment you want to work. Rather than getting upset, use the extra minutes of downtime to play with your dog, take a walk, or do some tidying up.

Be yourself.

• Enroll in classes that spark your interest to learn a new skill or find a new passion.
• Do things that are meaningful to you to help you feel fulfilled. [15] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source

Take care of yourself.

• Aim to get at least 7 hours of sleep every night to help your mind and body recharge. [17] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source
• Eat food that nourishes your mind and body. Aim to eat whole foods, but don’t restrict yourself—it’s okay to have a cookie every now and then!
• Do a form of exercise you enjoy for at least 30 minutes every day. Maybe that’s walking, dancing, hiking, doing yoga, or kickboxing.

Accept that change happens.

• Try your best not to dwell on the past. Instead, focus on the present moment . Change is inevitable, but you can roll with the punches.

Be kind to yourself.

• Pretend you’re writing a letter to a friend in a similar situation. How would you talk them through it?
• Place your hand over your heart and whisper positive affirmations to yourself when you’re down, like “I am safe,” “I am kind to myself,” and “I am smart and have a big heart.”
• Note your accomplishments and achievements without criticism by responding rationally to self-critical thoughts. Acknowledge where the critic comes from and then prove it wrong in a logical way. [20] X Research source
• Look in the mirror every morning and compliment yourself. You could say something like, “You’re beautiful, no matter what,” or “You have the brightest smile.”

Be Charismatic with this Expert Series

Expert Q&A

• Follow the golden rule “treat others the way you want to be treated” to be a kind person. Thanks Helpful 23 Not Helpful 3

Tips from our Readers

• Remember that the journey of self improvement never ends. You won't eventually reach a place where you're suddenly "totally better" -- just try to be a little better every day.
• If you haven't found your talent(s) yet, try to find out your family members' talents. Maybe they passed something down to you!
• Be happy for others. You'll feel great and respect yourself more, and others will appreciate your good feelings towards them.
• When you feel stressed out, take a deep breath and think about a way you can handle the situation before reacting.
• Handle things with patience. Try putting yourself in the other person's shoes when you're dealing with someone.
• Being happy rubs off on other people. Even if it's just acting, be happy and it will make others happier, too!
• Respect works both ways. Respect others from the start and they'll respect you, too.
• Choose good friends that accept you for who you are and support you.

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
• ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition#why_practice
• ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/empathy/definition#what_is
• ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/altruism/definition#what_is
• ↑ https://www.waldenu.edu/programs/psychology/resource/the-pros-and-cons-of-comfort-zones
• ↑ https://collegeinfogeek.com/self-education/
• ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/a-self-improvement-secret-work-on-strengths/
• ↑ http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx
• ↑ https://www.bumc.bu.edu/facdev-medicine/files/2011/08/I-messages-handout.pdf
• ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/gratitude/definition#why_practice
• ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/tips_for_keeping_a_gratitude_journal
• ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/10_steps_to_savoring_the_good_things_in_life
• ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/7-tips-for-better-patience-yes-youll-need-to-practice/
• ↑ https://repository.upenn.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1064;context=mapp_capstone
• ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_foolproof_ways_to_feel_more_joy_in_2015
• ↑ https://www.nami.org/Your-Journey/Family-Members-and-Caregivers/Taking-Care-of-Yourself
• ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/sleep/about_sleep/how_much_sleep.html
• ↑ https://www.fnu.edu/person/
• ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_self_compassion_beats_rumination
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/making-change/201107/how-stop-the-self-criticism-and-feel-better-about-you

About This Article

If you want to be a better person, try to control your negative emotions, like anger and jealousy, since this will help you be more compassionate to others and to yourself. Try to empathize with people and imagine what it’s like to feel what they feel so you can be more sensitive to their emotions. For example, if someone is getting frustrated, try to imagine what thoughts and emotions they might be experiencing, so you can understand where they're coming from. Dwelling on the past can often bring you down, so try to forgive others when they make mistakes. For instance, if your boss is blunt with you, let it go, since they're probably under a lot of stress. You can also strive to do random acts of kindness every day, like holding the door open for someone, helping an elderly person carry their shopping, or paying for a stranger’s coffee. For more tips from our Counselling co-author, including how to set goals to improve yourself, read on! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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How to Be a Good Person Essay

What does it mean to be a good person? The essay below aims to answer this question. It focuses on the qualities of a good person.

Introduction

What does it mean to be a good person, qualities of good person, works cited.

The term “good” has relative meanings depending on the person who is defining it. Several qualities can be used to define what constitutes a good person. However, there are certain basic qualities that are used to define a good person. They include honesty, trust, generosity, compassion, empathy, humility, and forgiveness (Gelven 24).

These qualities are important because they promote peaceful coexistence among people because they prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. A good person is fair and just to all and does not judge people. He or she is nice to everyone regardless of religion, race, social and economic class, health status, or physical state (Gelven 25).

A good person treats other people with respect, care, and compassion. Respect shows that an individual values and views the other person as a worthy human being who deserves respect. Compassion is a quality that enables people to identify with other people’s suffering (Gelven 27). It motivates people to offer help in order to alleviate the suffering of others. A good person has compassion for others and finds ways to help people who are suffering. Showing compassion for the suffering makes them happy.

It promotes empathy, understanding, and support. In addition, good people are forgiving. They do not hold grudges and let go of anger that might lead them to hurt others. They think positively and focus their thoughts on things that improve their relationships (Needleman 33). They avoid thinking about past mistakes or wrongs done by others. Instead, they think of how they can forgive and move on.

A good person is honest and trustworthy. This implies that they avoid all situations that might hurt the other person, such as telling lies, revealing secrets, and gossiping (Needleman 34). As such, their character or personality cannot be doubted because they do not harbor hidden intentions.

They act in open ways that reveal their true characters and personalities. On the other hand, good people are kind and respectful. They offer help voluntarily and work hard to improve the well-being of other people. In addition, they treat all people equally despite their social, physical, or sexual orientations. Good people do not discriminate, hate, deny people their rights, steal, lie, or engage in corrupt practices (Tuan 53).

Good people behave courageously and view the world as a fair and beautiful place to live in (Needleman 40). They view the world as a beautiful place that offers equal opportunities to everyone. Good people believe that humans have the freedom to either make the world a better or worse place to live in. They act and behave in ways that improve and make the world a better place.

For example, they conserve the environment by keeping it clean for future generations. A popular belief holds that people who conserve the environment are not good but just environmental enthusiasts. However, that notion is incorrect and untrue. People conserve the environment because of their goodness. They think not only about themselves but also about future generations (Tuan 53). They are not self-centered and mean but generous and caring.

Good people are characterized by certain qualities that include trust, honesty, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, respect, courage, and goodwill. They do not steal, lie, discriminate, or deny people their rights. They think about others’ welfare and advocate for actions that make the world a better place. They promote justice and fairness because they view everyone as a deserving and worthy human being.

Gelven, Michael. The Risk of Being: What it Means to be Good and Bad . New York: Penn State Press, 1997. Print.

Needleman, Jacob. Why Can’t We be good? New York: Penguin Group US, 2007. Print.

Tuan, Yi-Fu. Human Goodness . New York: University of Wisconsin Press, 2008. Print.

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IvyPanda. (2023, October 28). How to Be a Good Person Essay. https://ivypanda.com/essays/what-it-means-to-be-a-good-person/

"How to Be a Good Person Essay." IvyPanda , 28 Oct. 2023, ivypanda.com/essays/what-it-means-to-be-a-good-person/.

IvyPanda . (2023) 'How to Be a Good Person Essay'. 28 October.

IvyPanda . 2023. "How to Be a Good Person Essay." October 28, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/what-it-means-to-be-a-good-person/.

1. IvyPanda . "How to Be a Good Person Essay." October 28, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/what-it-means-to-be-a-good-person/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "How to Be a Good Person Essay." October 28, 2023. https://ivypanda.com/essays/what-it-means-to-be-a-good-person/.

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Social Life

Being a better person, personal perspective: what if you already are.

Updated December 7, 2023 | Reviewed by Ray Parker

• Thinking of what people deserve or their value might create more problems than it solves.
• All people have requirements to live the life they intend.
• Focussing on making society more just, fair, and equitable might be the most helpful thing we can do.

Do you ever think about bettering yourself? Is the better-you version of you clear in your mind? What exactly is the quality of personhood that gets better or worse? Can someone, for example, be worse than they were a day or two ago?

As I was walking along the path beside the river recently, I was deep in thought about my latest self-improvement project. I can clearly remember thinking, "If I could just go with the flow a bit more, that would make me a better person." As soon as that thought had crystallized in my mind, I immediately thought, "But would it? Would it really make me a better person?"

It's not too hard to think about one type of car being better than another. Of course, "better" is always determined by some set of personal standards. A better car for me might not meet your standard of better. My better car might have great fuel economy, whereas better for you might mean bigger with more safety features.

But a better person ? Is a butterfly better than the caterpillar it was before it wrapped a cocoon around itself? Do people ever emerge from metaphorical cocoons and spread their wings? And does spreading their wings make them a better version of themselves than their non-wingspreading self?

My musing eventually took me to a place of contemplating the idea that maybe I'm as good a me right now as I'll ever be. Maybe I have the same value now as I did when I was awarded a Fulbright Scholarship or when I lost 4-6, 6-1, 4-6 in the first round of my first-ever tennis tournament as a 12-year-old.

Could it be that we are what we are? We can certainly do things that might be more or less helpful or more or less kind, but do any of our efforts ever change our value as a person?

Maybe they do.

Maybe it is reasonable to suggest that someone who works tirelessly for charity is a better person than someone who cheats people out of their life savings. But even if they are, where does that get us? What is the point of ascribing value to our personness? Is a person or a life something that can be valued? How would that value be determined, and who would determine it?

Do you value yourself? Do you value yourself more or less than you did last year? Could it be that the concept of people having value actually causes more problems than it solves?

Maybe there is no league ladder to life.

Perhaps all those ideas of how much we are worth and what we can do to be of greater worth are stories created to promote social cohesion. With very large groups of people, decision-makers overseeing the rabble might have thought it was necessary to introduce enticements to being nice and getting along. There might be parallels here with religious and other belief systems that describe serene places we can go to when we die as long as we fulfill certain conditions before we make the transition.

The notion of people having value is perhaps related to the sense of people getting what they deserve. I've often wondered where that idea came from. Who deserves what, and who decides that? Are some people more deserving than others?

Rather than considering a person's value and what they deserve, would it perhaps be more helpful to consider what is needed to make our place fair, just, and equitable?

To live and keep on living, we have certain requirements. Could we focus on those requirements for people's living to thrive and flourish? What if we ensured the conditions necessary to live a life of one's own design were readily available?

Instead of focussing on a person's value or what they deserve, could we direct attention to building communities and societies that have sufficient degrees of freedom so that all the members are able to live as they wish?

To what extent are you living the life you want? To what extent are you able to live the life you want?

Perhaps exploring answers to these questions would enable us to organize our social living so that, regardless of deservingness or value, all people are able to go about the business of ensuring their world stays in the states they prefer.

May you have what you need to keep your world as you wish it to be.

Tim Carey, Ph.D. , is the Chair Country Health Research and Innovation at Curtin University.

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How To Be A Good Person And Why It Matters

What makes a person a “good” person? Should we strive to be good—and if so, why? If you asked twenty people what it means to be a good person, chances are you would get twenty different answers. What individuals perceive to be good character traits can vary depending on several factors. Religion, culture, and family dynamics, for example, can all play a part in forming one's viewpoint on a topic like this.

Note that human beings are complex and that sorting all people into the strict binary of “good” or “bad” is generally not possible or particularly helpful. Attempting to do so can even result in distorted thinking , which can sometimes lead to mental health concerns like low self-esteem, anxiety, or depression. Here, we’ll use being a “good” person as a general term that refers to behaving in ways that are broadly considered to be considerate and kind, but it can be helpful to keep in mind the deep nuances of a topic like morality.

What is goodness?

The word "good" is  defined by Merriam-Webster  as "virtuous, right and commendable; kind and benevolent."  Henry David Thoreau  was quoted as saying, "Goodness is the only investment that never fails."

A “good” person often has certain habits or characteristics that reflect their efforts to be a considerate individual who avoids harming others. While, again, these can vary from person to person and culture to culture, a few general examples of these traits can include the following.

The empathy definition in psychology is the ability to emotionally understand another person's feelings by imagining yourself in their position. An empathetic person tends to be able to express an understanding of how others feel and treat them accordingly.

An individual who wants to be a good person might also strive to be honest with themselves and others. Dishonesty can damage trust between two people and potentially lead to distance or conflict within a relationship.

Someone who practices the principle of fairness might aim to be aware of their biases and avoid letting those negatively affect others. This could manifest as a belief in justice or equality, for example. 

Responsibility

Responsibility or accountability for one’s actions is also considered by many to be a sign of a good person. It usually involves an effort to make decisions that aren’t harmful to others and to take ownership of them if they are.

Why being a good person matters

One’s motivation for being “good” can vary widely. Research suggests that altruism—or the act of showing selfless concern for the well-being of others—is a uniquely human trait, of which there are many examples. Biologically, evolutionarily, or on some other level, many may feel generally driven to be kind and not harmful—a trait that many people equate with being a good person. 

However, there are many other complex factors that go into how humans decide to behave, and our actions can have effects on many areas of our lives. If you’re in the process of deciding what values you want to live by, you might consider some of these potential outcomes of who you may choose to be. 

Effects on your career and opportunities

Your actions and behaviors help build your reputation which, among many other factors, can help to create the opportunities you encounter in life. Behaving in ways that are generally respectful of others may help others develop a positive opinion of you. This could lead to benefits in your career and other opportunities that may help you achieve what you’re looking for in life.

Effects on relationships

The way we behave can also impact how others see us and relate to us, which can affect our relationships overall. For instance, many people are looking for friends and romantic partners who are “good” people in that they’re honest, caring, respectful, etc. People who are looking for healthy, supportive relationships often tend to seek out others who make them feel safe rather than uneasy or disrespected.

Feeling a sense of purpose

Deciding on a set of values that you want to live by and then sticking to them as best you can may help give you a direction and a purpose in life. This may even correlate with less loneliness and better overall health.

Seeking support related to being a good person

The idea of being a “good” person can affect a person’s mental health in a variety of ways. For instance, a person might have trouble coping with mistakes they’ve made in the past and how they may have affected those around them. Or, they could hold themselves to an impossible standard of perfection, which could lead to feelings of depression or anxiety. If you’re looking for support in discovering your values or changing the way you relate to morality, a therapist may be able to help.

If you’re interested in therapy but prefer to receive this type of care from the comfort of home, you might try online therapy. In one study published in World Psychiatry, researchers examined the effectiveness of online therapy in treating a wide range of mental health disorders. Their research indicates that online therapy can be as effective as face-to-face counseling in many cases, which reflects the similar findings of other studies as well. With a platform like BetterHelp , you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging. See below for client reviews of BetterHelp counselors.

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"Michal has been very supportive. Her techniques are very handy and have really helped me switch my negative thoughts to positive ones. Looking forward to learning more from her to become a better version of myself. Thank you Michal."

"Krysten has been an immense help in dealing with and confronting my anger and depression issues. I started to notice immediate changes in my general disposition within a week of working with her. My friends and family have even said I seem less bitter and jaded. And the fact that I can communicate with her frequently has done wonders in keeping me on track and progressing forward. My time working with Krysten and being on BetterHelp has been a positive experience and done much more for me than traditional in-office therapy ever did."

How can you become a good person?

There isn’t a consistent definition of what makes a good person. Even rules that seem constant and rigid, like “Good people don’t hurt others,” can become flexible under the right conditions. For instance, most humans condemn murder and believe it is morally wrong, yet there are often exceptions that allow for taking a life in the case of self-defense or during war. 

Deciding what makes you a good person requires understanding your moral identity . What do you believe to be morally right? When can the rules be bent or broken? Do small actions, like holding the door open for someone, make you a good person, or does it take a more substantial effort, like volunteering for charity work?

Becoming a good person means understanding your moral code and improving yourself until your actions consistently reflect your values. While that journey is different for everybody, there are some common tips that may help you: 

• Don’t make excuses. Becoming a good person is a personal responsibility, and no one can achieve your goal besides you. Be wary of pointing the finger at others; becoming a good person often means examining your mistakes and making peace with your shortcomings. 
• Use honest and direct communication. Lies and deception are rarely seen as traits kind people possess. Learn to articulate your thoughts and feelings openly and honestly. 
• Help others. Take time to assist others when you can; helping others through tough times will likely improve your reputation and self-perception. Good deeds and kindness are commonly considered a foundational part of being a good person. 
• Become a good listener. Knowing how to listen actively can make it easier for you to understand and empathize with others. Empathy is commonly associated with goodness, and demonstrating empathy is likely an important skill to have. 
• Always be respectful . Your words and actions should always demonstrate respect for the people around you and the environment that you’re in. Take time to learn how to control your negative emotions. You don’t have to agree with everything or appease everyone, but even when disagreeing, you should maintain a respectful tone and demeanor. 

What is the point of being a good person?

Philosophers have debated the reasons for being a good person for centuries. Today, there are several philosophical and sociological arguments that justify good behavior. One of the longest-running unsettled arguments is the egoism/altruism debate . The egoism/altruism debate examines what motivates humans to be good to each other.  

The altruism side of the argument asserts that humans have an intrinsic drive to help others. The existence of an empathetic connection between humans supports the altruism argument. For example, if a person comes across someone who is injured, they are likely to try to assist them, probably because they empathize with their position. In the altruism argument, empathy motivates good and helpful behavior, allowing for self-sacrifice with no prospect of receiving a reward . 

In contrast, the egoism argument suggests that people tend to be motivated to help others for self-serving reasons. It may elevate their status in society, make it more likely they can receive help from others, or put others in their debt. Furthermore, some proponents of the egoist perspective assert that even when someone helps another with no intention of a reward, the warm feeling of satisfaction that commonly comes after helping someone else may serve as its own reward. From an egoist perspective, helping behavior is inherently self-serving, no matter whether an external reward is expected. 

How do you feel like a good person?

Feeling like a good person is often related to self-improvement and self-acceptance. You will likely feel good when your behaviors align with your core values. No matter what your exact definition of a “good person” may be, if your actions match your beliefs, you will likely feel like a good person. 

You may want to consider building your self-esteem and recognizing your strengths. You likely have much to offer the world around you, and recognizing your inherent goodness can help you feel better about yourself. Self-examination may also be helpful. Taking time to analyze your understanding of what is morally right may offer insight into how you can be a good person on your terms. 

How can I be a better person and happy?

Self-improvement is likely one of the most critical steps toward becoming happier. People with good personalities who understand their place in the world and surround themselves with a support network tend to be much happier than those who do not reach those goals. Achieving those goals requires committing to self-improvement and growth. It requires a willingness to examine your moral identity and develop an understanding of how you conceptualize the difference between good and bad.

Many people begin by identifying their strengths and improving their self-esteem . You likely have strengths to offer, and utilizing your natural strengths can make becoming a better person much easier. Early in your self-improvement process, you should decide on reasonable goals that will continually make you a better person. Goal-setting can be challenging ; it is important that you stay within your limits and grow into a better person at a reasonable pace. 

How can I improve myself every day?

Committing to daily positive change is likely a worthwhile goal. Improving yourself daily lets you take small steps towards a larger personal goal. Many people find setting both long-term and short-term goals to be helpful. Long-term goals should represent relatively large aspirations related to your self-improvement, and short-term goals should represent steps you can take to achieve your larger goals. 

Ensuring that your long-term and short-term goals are reasonably achievable is important. Your goals shouldn’t take so little effort that you don’t have to work to attain them, but they shouldn’t be so hard that you risk burnout trying to accomplish them. Appropriately balancing your goals is likely to help you stay on track and motivated as you incorporate daily self-improvement into your life.  

How can I change myself to be better?

Bettering yourself requires time, effort, and dedication. When you set goals and work toward them, you are physically changing the pathways in your brain , which requires consistent effort and repetition. If you are trying to rid yourself of bad habits or develop better ones, you may need to commit days, weeks, or months to the process. That is why choosing achievable goals is so important; if you go too long without reaching a goal, you may experience depleted willpower and burnout. 

When deciding your goals and how you want to achieve them, it may be helpful to study your successes. You likely have many strengths you can leverage on your self-improvement journey, some of which you may not realize you have. Consider paying close attention to the positive feedback you receive from others. 

Reflect on what strengths are apparent and how you can use those good qualities to achieve your goals. If feedback from others in your life is sparse, consider asking those around you for feedback directly. Don’t expect everything to be positive; you should be prepared for some (hopefully constructive) criticism. You can reflect on the criticism, too, especially if it conflicts with your goals, but be sure to come back around to the positive. 

How do I get better at something?

No matter what skill you are trying to develop, getting better at something requires willpower and persistence. Self-improvement requires actions that physically change your brain as your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors change. Sticking to your goals is arguably the most challenging part of getting better at something, especially at the beginning of the process. 

Here are some basic steps to help you remain committed to your self-improvement journey: 

• Develop a growth mindset. A person with a growth mindset sees failure as a necessary part of success. You may want to work on accepting the trials and tribulations of personal growth. Doing so may make it easier to avoid burnout and stay committed to your goals. 
• Develop refined goals. Goals that are too broad (e.g., “I want to get better”) are difficult to achieve. It is important that your goals be attainable . Each time you achieve one of your goals, the reward center in your brain reinforces the behavior that got you there. Refined goals are balanced; they aren’t so easy that you don’t have to work to achieve them and aren’t so hard that you burn out trying to attain them. 
• Keep your focus. It is easy to get distracted from whatever improvement goals you have. Vices and bad habits are potential distractions, but so are the demands of daily life. Other people’s poor behavior can distract you as well. Consider learning to forgive people quickly, for your sake, instead of theirs.  Make sure you are reminding yourself of your goals and tracking your progress daily. 
• Maintain accountability. Monitoring your progress towards your goals lets you analyze how your journey is coming along. If there are areas where you are struggling to progress, take time to figure out where the challenges are and how you can overcome them. Take responsibility for your own progress; only you can make yourself a better person. 

How do you keep growing in life?

Consistent personal growth requires dedication and commitment. As you become a better person, you will need to identify new growth areas and goals to move forward. It is likely prudent to engage in self-evaluation regularly. Take time to learn yourself, understand your moral identity , and determine which goals you should set next in your improvement journey. 

It may also be helpful to  seek feedback from others. Friends, family, and coworkers can all be valuable sources of insight into your strengths and weaknesses. When seeking feedback from others, ask that they be open and honest with you. This means that you will need to prepare yourself to receive negative as well as positive feedback. Although criticism can be unpleasant - even if it’s constructive - listening to negative feedback can help illustrate areas for personal development, while positive improvement-oriented feedback is likely to improve your performance overall.

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How to Be a Better Person

There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. ― Ernest Hemingway

Have you ever asked yourself: how can I be a better person? Recently, I found an answer to this question in an unexpected place…

I was at my local library, just browsing the shelves, when an interesting book title caught my eye: “ Being, Nothingness, and Fly Fishing “.

The book is subtitled, “How One Man Gave Up Everything To Fish The Fabled Waters Of The West “. Intrigued, I picked up the book and read the inside flap of the dust jacket. It mentions that in the book’s introduction, the author writing about a particular river, said: “The North Umpqua makes me want to be a better fly fisherman”.

I needed some context for such a bold statement, so I flipped to the introduction and found the actual quote.  The full paragraph reads:

Never do I fish as attentively as when I’m on the North Umpqua. I feel I owe the river the very best I have to offer, after all, the river has given its very best to me.  The North Umpqua makes me want to be a better fly fisherman.

Have you ever felt this way about anything? Do you have any things in your life that make you want to be a better person?

Does the special person in your life make you want to be a better partner?

Does your job make you want to be a better employee or does your company make you want to be a better entrepreneur?

What about your car? Does it make you want to be a better driver?

Is there anything in your life that would make you say: “I owe this the very best that I have to offer!”

In my role as a life coach, I frequently meet people who think they are “stuck”.  Often, the truth of the matter isn’t that they’re stuck, it’s that they just haven’t found something that demands the very best they have to offer – something that makes them want to be a better person.

Well, what if the answer isn’t something outside of yourself?  What if it’s not a person or a thing?

What about your life itself?

Please humor me for a minute… just for fun – imagine that you woke up tomorrow with the feeling that you owe your life the very best you have to offer!

What would that day look like to you?

What would it sound like?

Imagine living like that for just one day! How would that feel?

Embarking on the Journey to Be a Better Person

Now I’d like to propose something that could be a significant first step on your journey of how to be a better person.  I want to suggest that you make up your mind, right here and now, to actually do this tomorrow – just as an experiment.  You don’t have to tell anyone what you’re up to, you don’t have to recruit others to do it with you and you don’t need to make a big deal out of it.  Just wake up with the attitude that no matter what happens throughout the day, you are going to give your life the very best you have to offer! You are going to live your life in a way that makes you want to be a better person.

Be forewarned, this new approach could change everything!

(Seriously, once you try this please come back and tell us about your amazing day by posting in the comments section.)

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About The Author

Patrick Mathieu

Related posts, lessons from a reformed lurker, the trash talking epidemic, follow us on instagram, possibilitychange.

312 thoughts on “How to Be a Better Person”

OK :-) I’ll do it!

Great Pam! Can’t wait to hear about your results!

I’m going to try this :)

This is a form of mind power, you are changing the way you think of yourself and the world, this creates a positive feeling inside you, and it is displayed on the outside.

Attitude, Faith, Wisdom.

so far, this one is the most powerful article i have ever read.

I need help in choosing friends and also having self-motivation.I have tried from deep breathin and thinking positive and its just not working for me.Im 13 years old and i need help from you please.

I hope this helps – I don’t know you so it’s a shot in the dark: We all have phases of lack of motivation and self-esteem etc. Sometimes shorter, sometimes longer. And, trust me – you can always learn from them, like everything in life, if you really want to become more contented. So we need lots of patience and self-acceptance. Forcing doesn’t necessarily work but any little steps you can take that you notice make you feel better (e.g. friends to hang out with – are they generally supportive friends or trying to bring you down in some way?). Learn to recognize everything that makes you feel wholesome and follow that. You could also try giving up your frustrations to the Universe, even if it sounds weird.

Sometimes, however, you will need to take clear, courageous decisions for the right thing, despite a voice in our heads that can’t be bothered to change because we always have a weak and strong self, and the strong self needs to come through.

Best wishes, you’ve got all the power and love within you now – discover it.

I will add to Matt’s advice by saying two things:

1 – The way you feel is normal. Especially at your age – being 13 and 14 is a transitional and challenging age.

2 – If your feelings become really dark and especially if your thinking seriously about harming yourself, seek help. There are many resources – talk to your school’s guidance department, or a teacher, or a trusted adult.

Already did it. I left a 16 year toxic relationship and went and lived on my own for a year. The day I moved into my apartment I vowed that I would live my life the way that makes ME the best person possible. Not my kids, not a partner, not my boss. ME. It was a struggle to adopt this new approach, but an interesting thing happened when I did. I met someone who had made the same decision for himself. And now individually and as a couple we are better people for knowing and loving each other.

That must have been difficult transition at first. I’m curious, what kept you going during those first few days and weeks after you left the relationship?

I’ve already decided to be a better person some time ago. I’m constantly challenging myself. I have to admit that sometimes, it feels like I’m working out of my comfort zone. But hey…I’m treating all this as kindof fun and exciting!

Isn’t it great to be constantly breaking new ground and discovering new territory!

Good for you!

I try to do this every day. When I open my eyes in the morning, I take a few minutes to feel gratitude for all the little things that make up my life and the lives of those around me. I thank God for waking up, not to mention for my family and the roof over my head. I get sidetracked sometimes as the day wears on, but when I do, I stop myself and try to find a quiet spot where I can remind myself that I AM a better person than a was the day before.

I’m doing this already. I started my blog mainly to write my way to betterness (and tell funny stories) and I’m making great progress. It’s getting easier to live in the moment and centre myself so that I don’t let my perfectionism get the best of me. I’m choosing to see the positive, even in my own idiocy. ;-)

My kids make me want to be my best, my spouse, my friends and God.

Kids, spouse, friends and God – what a fantastic support system!

Thanks for sharing!

I’m trying to be a better person every day. I have learned to stop trying to be a PERFECT person – that was impossible and too stressful. But I see every day as a new chance at being the best that I possibly can.

You and Natasha have hit on a very important point… perfection is a real trap that can quickly derail you.

I try to remind myself to focus on “MY best” rather than “THE best”. Life is much more satisfying that way.

Patrick Mathieus last blog post.. Well, when you put it that way…

I’ll bet that those around you really notice the difference!

Thanks for the great article. Lately, I’ve been asking myself “what is worthy of my attention?” This question seems to boil down what is most important in my life. I usually answer: meditation is worthy of my attention. Giving my full attention to silence and that Ground of Being I find in meditation, brings me closer to the heart or essence of myself. When I quiet the mind, I am able to clearly see myself and the world around me. This simple practice makes me a better person. I’m not as affected by compulsive mind chatter or the storm of emotion and I begin to have a better understanding and compassion for all that is. If I have issues, simply observing them seems to dissolve them, and all that remains is a clear, surrendered awareness. As I evolve, so does the rest of humanity. Changing ourselves for the better is the highest good we can do for humanity and the collective whole. After all, we’re all in this together.

Ken LaDeroute http://www.AffirmationPower.com

Yes, the “compulsive mind chatter” (which so many of us like to call ‘thinking’ or ‘reasoning’) very often does more harm than good when it comes to getting to really know yourself and letting yourself evolve.

And I love what you’ve said about changing ourselves for the collective whole of humanity! Imagine if everyone just worried about their own day and stayed out of other people’s days! Wouldn’t that be an exciting world? I recently wrote called a post called “Whose Business Is That?” which was about that very topic: http://www.powerofmortality.com/whos-business-is-that

I definitely have to give this a shot. I find myself in a job I barely tolerate and a girlfriend I sort of just tolerate. I think it’s time to do something about this unsatisfactory life.

Thanks for posting some encouraging words.

Good for you for deciding to take charge of your life! Once you start to give your life the best you have to offer you may find that you want a new job and a new girlfriend – OR – you may find that your current job and current girlfriend now seem completely different to you and are exciting, fulfilling and vibrant parts of your “new” life!

Over the years I’ve learned that very often life gives us back more of what we put in. If you aren’t putting your best into your career and relationships, then you may not be getting the best out of them. But once you consistently start to put in 100% of yourself … look out!!

Let us know how it goes!

Patrick, I have just stumbled upon your website today and have been feverishly catching up on all the great insight you have supplied. So much of it speaks to me and what I intend to do for myself. Thank you for this posting and all the others. I look foreword to putting it into practice.

–Zach

Thanks for your kind words. Feedback like that is exactly why I keep doing what I do!

@Patrick – oh very good question! My children. They are all in their early 20s, and were THRILLED to have me leave the relationship. For the first 3 or 4 months, we completely reversed roles. They almost became the parent, and it was hard for me at first, but in the end I let them. They each helped in their own way. My eldest daughter is the one with all the business smarts and she helped me with things like plugged kitchen sinks. She would also listen to me cry for a bit, and then she would always say something to get me howling with laughter. My middle daughter trash talked my ex. She and I both know that it takes 2 in a relationship, and I wouldn’t trash talk him, so she did it for me. My son came over at least 3 times a week, just to hang and keep me distracted. I had other support systems, but my children deserve most of the credit in this department.

hi i just did it yesterday woooooooooooooow it feels just so great you work and do your best throughout the day nice article helped me alot

I’m going to try this tomorrow!

amazing post! trying this tomorrow. my ex boyfriend has left me and is doing way better then me. he wants me to ‘figure out’ what i did wrong, but its difficult, from today on i told him i wouldn’t be talking to him again until May. It seems impossible, but I’m going to try. If anything it won’t be impossible, just a challenge. I’m hoping Feburary maybe we’ll be back to normal. Thanks for the advice :)

I really feel like I want to be a better person, to make life for myself and for those around me easier. I feel like I don’t know how though – this may sound horrible, but how do you reconcile your attempts to be a better, more understanding, appreciative, receptive, non-judgemental person when there are people around who are so lacking in these qualities? I really feel doing mental work may be the key to being a better person ;) Working out why I get angry and irrrational, and how to become aware…etc. Great blog!

I think the answer to your question lies in the question itself. (No, I’m not trying to sound like Yoda or a zen master) :-)

You said: “how do you reconcile your attempts to be a better, more understanding, appreciative, receptive, non-judgmental person when there are people around who are so lacking in these qualities?”

The way I see it, the only work you can do is on YOU. People will do what they do. You can set an example, but you aren’t responsible for their actions. How you choose to live your life shouldn’t be impacted by how others choose to live their lives. In fact, when you focus on changing others, you are inviting a lot of stress into your life. I recently wrote about this in an article called: “ Who’s Business Is That? .

Of course, another alternative is to choose to surround yourself with people who posses the qualities you are looking for!

Hang in there – it’s worth it!

I am a great father and a really good husband. I am a great friend to those close to me. However if I do not know you I come off as someone who “has a stick up his A_ _” My friend told me a coworker made this comment about the guy in the property office (I am the only guy in this office). My friend defended me and a few people started telling funny stories about me. The Co-worker said there is no way that the person they are talking about could be the same person. When really friendly people come into my office my first reaction is this guy is a tool. Then I stop and think and I realise I am the tool, but I can’t help myself. The other day the man at dunkin donuts was so happy and friendly, treating me like I had been going there forever and it was only my first time. My 1st thought was he probably is in the country illegally. My second thought was he just wants a tip, but he was friendly to other folks in the bus station who were not buying things. He obviously is a nice guy. I am just a miserable person. So I decided to try and be nice to people and as the cheerful words come out of my mouth I think this is BS I sound like a total ass. I sound so phony and insincere. My smile feels fake. I watched a guy today walk by a State Trooper (I work at the airport so they are everywhere) and pat him on the shoulder say hi and shake his hand. I would never put my hand on anyone, its not me, I am not friendly. If he put his hand on me I would not be happy. Yet the normally stone faced Trooper gave him a big smile and a warm hello. Am I just doomed to be a miserable person the rest of my life?

I kind of have the same problem myself. What I am trying to do is to find inner peace for myself, and forget what others think. I hate it that our motivation to be better people is a result of our interactions with other people. And it’s hard to forget about what other people think, especially when you feel like a target. I don’t have much adivice to give you, but if you truly think you are a miserable person on the inside then find the root of that and focus on how to make yourself less miserable. See, most people at this point would say that once you achieve this, then your inner peace will shine through to others. But again, it’s not about what others see. As long as you know you are not deliberately hurting people and are showing them respect, then screw what they think. Just focus on finding your inner happiness. Think simplicity. Take it from there.

No, just let yourself try to open up to someone, just once. Tell the voices screaming caution to shut up for this one time and see what happens. Eventually it will become second nature. Also if you can ask the question of youself, you are not that far gone and can turn around. The only one that can give you a second chance is You.

I always thought people like you are so cool and strong. I would have never thought that, inside you, you were not happy with yourself and with your attitudes until I read your comment. I am someone who always laughs and smiles sincerely to others and sometimes envy others who are being so cool like yourself. Don’t call yourself miserable. Just be cool as you are to the mean people. (Because that’s something people like me cannot do to mean people). But for the nice ones, always smile, and maybe try to say hi or hello to them. Because trust me the ones who always smiles, smile from the heart and would love to see a smile back or hear a nice word back. Have a beautiful day! :)

But also let’s all keep in mind that those “mean” people I mentioned above, could also be in search of their better selves. So although it could be difficult, let’s all try to be nice to one another.

thats a good mantra to start the day off. i recently got out of a relationship with someone i thought was the one and i feel like i just need to go thru a “rebirth” or something. my ex and i were together for about 4 years so its definately been hard. i can probably see where i went wrong though, i wasnt putting my all into it. see ive been hurt before and i just didnt want to get hurt anymore so i started shutting out and picking up bad habits (ie smoking, drinking, drug use, nonchalant attitudes). and whats crazy about it is i saw it happening but i couldnt stop doing it. it was destroying my relationship let alone destroying myself. so when my ex asked my if he deserved a better girlfriend than me, i told him yes you do. it hurt for me to say that because who thinks someone you truely love would ask you something like that and mean it but i had to tell the truth. i and after I said that I felt like i could have been happy through that time we were together but i chose to grieve on past hurt and it blinded me to what was right in front of me. ive came to terms that ive lost him to my negligence and i vow that to never happen again. its been hard, crying, relapsing on drugs, but after reading “Just wake up with the attitude that no matter what happens throughout the day, you are going to give your life the very best you have to offer! You are going to live your life in a way that makes you want to be a better person.” I now know that the only one responsible for your life and everything in it is you. i vow to forgive and move on with past squabbles and make each and every day worth it, at least for me. I vow to not smoke or drink. One because i dont like it and two because ive been using that as a crutch to feel better about myself. i am human i do deserve to be happy and one thing ive learned in this past 4 years is that you can you cant expect someone to love you if you dont love yourself. so i plan on loving myself, hell im taking myself on a date :), i have to learn to be a better person, it wont change overnight nor will it change the outcome of my life thus far but from this day forward i vow to live my life day by day making a point to do something that truely makes me smile each day. Thanks, this helped alot! Deanna

Deanna – you rock!

Doesn’t it feel great to be able to see a clear path to change? And you’ve made the biggest discovery of them all – that you need to love yourself first!

Good for you for deciding to throw away your crutches and take your life back! If you run into rough spots – just remember one vitally important thing: It’s ALL a choice! Welcome to the new you!!

I’m feeling very hopeless — the most I’ve ever felt yet….which is why I’m here. I’m hoping for direction. My head is filled with an overwhelming (to me) amount of crap and I don’t know where to start. Can anyone help?

@Janey Oltz, I sent you a private message via Facebook. Let’s talk.

i feel exactly the same .. i feel im at my lowest point right now.. i mean i seriously just searched how to be a better person .. i want it .. i feel so uncontrollable of my own self .. i dunno what to do ….. can ne body help??

P.S. I came to this page by searching ‘how to be a nice person’…and once I wrote to you here, I looked further and see that you’re popular etc. I am embarrassed to say that I have never heard of you. I’m glad that I found you and your site and I’m going to read and explore it right now!

I have just found your website today. I wake up in the morning dreading going to work, barely tolerating my job. I go to bed at night and instead of thanking god for all the wonderful people and things in my life, I dread the following day of doing the same thing. I found your website by asking google how I can be a better person, maybe I would be happier and people around me would notice the attitude change. I need to change my mind about how I feel every day about people who need my help or give me a task or the slow ticks of the clock. I would love to feel great when I wake up, to look forward to the day, instead of being so pessimistic, which I’m starting to believe comes easier to me than happiness for some reason. Maybe the anxiety, frustration and worry in my life will subside a little. Anyways, Thank you for the wake up call. I am going to work on seeing things in a new angle. I’m so glad I found your website.

I am at total disappointment to my self and my family. My Dad kicked me out last nite. Trying to stop taking drugs. Trying to move closer to God. Finding it very difficult to change.

Feel like i am better off Dead than alive. Need seroius help…

I’ve looked around at a lot of self-help books, sites, etc. and the advice is all very good. Really common sense, if you think about it. But it all seems very difficult to not only put into practice but to maintain. It’s rather exhausting, really. For that matter, life seems rather exhausting and I personally find it difficult to avoid falling into the trap of sort of giving up. While it’s certainly not more rewarding to be introverted or lazy or selfish, it is certainly easier, wouldn’t you agree? So how does one maintain the attitudes that you so helpfully provide? Day after day after day? I could wake up tomorrow morning and say that I’m going to live my life to the fullest, but if something happens to knock me back, it would be very easy to wake up the next day and say, “To hell with it.” Yes?

I guess I just don’t want to be a better person for a day. I want to make it a permanent change. But it’s making me tired just thinking about it.

Thanks, HBH

@HBH, I couldn’t have said it better myself! Maybe we can help each other figure some things out?

@Janey Oltz, Brilliant idea, Janey. Two heads are better than one. How would we go about it?

I smell a movement afoot. :)

E-mail me at [email protected] . Let’s talk.

@HBH (and @Janey Oltz), I hear you! I understand where you’re coming from and that sometimes the idea of having to recommit yourself each and every day can seem like a daunting task.

That’s why New Year’s Resolutions usually fail. People wake up on January 1 with great intentions of changing their lives for the better, but when they wake up on January 2nd, their first thought is: “Oh man! 364 more days of THIS??”

@HBH, you said: “I just don’t want to be a better person for a day. I want to make it a permanent change.” But that’s a lot like saying: “I just don’t want to shower and be clean for a day. I want to be permanently clean.” Life just doesn’t work that way I’m afraid. Life is messy and we get dirty, so we need to shower often.

I guess I would go back to what I said in the blog article. Look for something in your life that makes it all worthwhile. If you’re having trouble coming up with something… then I’d like to suggest that you reflect on the fact that this is the only life you get , so why not give it all you’ve got?

I’ve written something called the Mortality Manifesto Pledge and it is designed to be a tool to help people rededicate themselves to their lives on a daily basis. I encourage you to visit the link, read the Manifesto, download it (free), sign it, and TAKE THE PLEDGE.

It just might be the best gift you ever give yourself.

@Patrick Mathieu,

I was thinking (yikes!) –

If only changing was as easy and enjoyable as taking a shower! What if showering was painful and we felt lost and unsure about how to take one? I think a majority of people would dread it every day and we’d have many more stinky people amongst us than we do now! For me, fortunately, taking a shower is not painful – it’s rather enjoyable and comes fairly natural. For that reason I take one regularly and reap the immediate benefits.

For me, changing things I dislike about myself is like dieting. I have to give up certain yummy unhealthy foods and replace them with not-so-yummy ones. Then add exercise to my routine (which also takes up time). Then, I desperately try to stay focused and convinced that, someday, I’ll have a better looking and healthier body – and that it’s all worth it. Then, like a dummy, I see some improvements and, for some twisted and sick unknown reason, I’ll eat poorly to reward myself. Or I’ll go back to my unhealthy eating habits then tell myself it’s easy – I’ll get right back to it – and don’t. Or I convince myself that I’m not all that unhappy with the weight that I am…and conclude that it’s not worth it…until I convince myself, on some horribly depressing day, AGAIN, that it is.

It keeps coming back to being self-disciplined, self-motivated and having a great positive attitude. I definitely need to stop thinking ‘I can’t’ and begin thinking that I can—even when it feels like I’m lying to myself! Eventually, it will become a truthful statement.

What are the steps for changing bad habits? A good idea might be to place a meaningful picture on my alarm clock in hopes to motivate me to get out of bed earlier than I do. Maybe I could write a short bullet-style note to myself to read every morning, placed by the toilet, to remind me of why I’m making the effort to change, etc.

I’m going to try that tonight :)

Thanks, Patrick!

Janey (a.k.a. The Procrastinating Perfectionist)

Hmmm… my link didn’t work. You can find the Mortality Manifesto Pledge at: http://www.MortalityManifesto.com/

Im 14…im stressed out every day, im always depressed and i somehow find negativity each day in someway or another…Schoolwork is overwhelming, friends are just adding more stress with their problems asking me for help when i cannot help myself, relationships go down because i tend to compete peoples problems with my own and i try to one up them…i try to find a place where i can sit and relaxe which is most times my room, but even then, the loud noises of the outside seeps in and makes me reach the point of giving up. I’ve tried meditation, poetry as a way of venting, and even exercising to let off some steam but yet nothing works..Is my enviroment my problem or is it just me? I “need” to see the better things in life, to be optimistic even in the bad times and to see that not everything is a negativity, but an opportunity to better myself and help those around me…but things are easier said than done..if you can help me, i would deeply, and gratefully appreciate it…

[email protected]

@Jose Orlando, Hi my name is Anne, and I’m 19. I don’t think that there is any advice that I can give without coming off cheesy or lame, but I wanted to tell you that there actually is someone else with the same problems who knows how you feel. Sorry to hear about everything. But, I found it kinda, oh I don’t know, a little freaky that I came to this website only to read your comment and seeing the exact same questions and concerns that I was going to ask myself. Keep going, I say that cause I know how hard it is to keep strong, so keep going. Thanks for typing the things I didn’t know how to phrase myself, gives me encouragement. Good luck!

I do want to be a better person, but i cant figure it out of how peopl can accept me and my ideas. though not everyone one avoids. i am well know by many people around me and got many casual friends…however i dont have a close friend…I would want to get a better friend too who will accept me for who i am and as well as i accept this person for who she or he is…i would love to get along with people, and i believe in my self alot and want to be the first all the time. i also feel i have some characteristics which i think draws people away from me, like when i am talking i talk woth boldness like a man, and like people to flollow me, i dont like to be blame that much though but i do like to admit my mistakes though. I like to help people and have this dream to be able to creat a better society and do not like to depend on people especially financially except if i am forced to becos i am still a student. Some of my characteristics is very hard on me…i cant control it..its like part of me…like when talking i talk like a very significant person and with body movemnts especiall my hand and also laugh like a very signicant person during times with people…sometimes when i am coming peopl gave way and space for me like a significant person…i have no controlver this i dont know how to improve all this. i appreciate some of my qualities but i want to be a better person….like as i talk people would not feel angered, envy or hurt . though i never want to hurt peopl but sometimes i have no control over my expressions like a significant person…or like a man. no matter who i am ….i just want to express in a simple way which can suit people…becos i want a better future.

Very inspirational, being the best you can be is great. It can help to be true to yourself and we really need it.

Hey man, I’m 19 and I’m in a slump. I’d like to take the experiment and try tomorrow to be my best, but I can’t even let the thought into my head. How do you know when that moment’s hit you…the moment where you can give yourself permission to be free. Freedom is a scary thing. I’ve found that since I was about 15 I’ve felt more and more sad every year, and I don’t see it getting better. It’s not terrible, just always there.

Im gonna do it!

I’ve always want to be a better person too! I just learned lately that I am challenged with a slight brain problem that makes performing my best difficult. I’ve always known That I am not living to my true potential. It sometimes takes some outside help to reach your goal of improvement. Like the shower analogy in a previous post, it’s like having a friend hose you down if you have forgotten to take a shower. You will not like it, but you will be cleaner. This might be a 12 step program for those that are addicted to alcohol and drugs. It could mean a trip to the doctors or shrinks. Help is available! Just ask for it, you’ve already come this far.

So I came across this site today, because I received a text from the guy I’m dating stating I make him want to be better – never having heard that before in my past relationships I was taken aback and googled “you make me want to be a better person” and voila here I am. This blog entry was incredibly inspiring for many different reasons. One being, I came in to work today to find that my co-worker (who is notorious for slacking off, adding drama and making my life a work miserable b/c of it) left me a TON of stuff to prepare with very little time before a clients arrival. This happens often, and I thought to myself, “boy I wish I could do the same thing”, but I can’t because it wouldn’t be giving my best and thus would not help me become a better person. I really do intend to give you experiment a go tomorrow, and I hope it can survive the hurdles that other peoples actions help to throw me off my game. I generally wake up with the attitude of, today will be a good today because I choose for it to be – but some days its hard due to other peoples actions and negative attitude. This is very exciting and I really hope just happening to find this blog today is the first step to becoming and continuing to be a better person.

Thanks for the inspiration Patrick, you really are good at what you do!

Let me try to write this down….Like everybody else, life just comes at you with all it has and holds nothing back (stress – life stuff). However its not an excuse. But I’m in a relationship where I feel unloved and was told I was a horrible person (in so many word) because of the way I have made my partner feel in the past (disrespected, and belittled at times) and he’s had it. I’ll take blame, it’s my fault. However, lots of hurt in this relationship, and I know I do love my partner and have decided to try to make it work, but my partner doesn’t seem to what to try anymore. However there are children involved and don’t want to upset the family. So we are still together sort of.

So I’ve now decided for my kids sake, as well as my health, I do want to try to be a better person. Googled “be a better person” and came across this. I know I’m not a bad person, but I could be better. Thank you for this artical. One step at a time. Baby steps.

I am trying to be a better person, after an awful emotionally abusive relationship i met my current bf and i realized that ever since then I’ve always wanted to be my best, because he inspires me too. It has not been easy and it isn’t totally. but it is magnificent the change someone can inspire its like he gave me new eyes and i can see the world from a different perspective. So i agree a 100% with what ure saying. Lovely article and i’ll still do the experiment…we could always use some!

i came across this site as i put i want to become a better person into my search engine. i have progressed a long way but at the moment i feel as if i am coasting and need to get back on the path and start working again.something i need desperately to work on is the fact that my husband makes me so angry,we married young and maybe for the wrong reasons but i dont want to put my kids even though they.re not babies through turmoil,but he makes me so angry and when he makes negative comments about me and throws my past in my face and doesnt understand our youngest daughter who is a difficult child and puts me down i react badly by screaming at him that he doesnt own me and the anger is such a bad thing.i want to accept his faults and accept that i made my choice and i have to live with it,i may never be able to love him but how do i stop hating him,its not right and it makes me a bad person and i want to be better,to be kind and tolerant and learn the lessons i am here to learn.does this make sense to anyone anywhere.

Hello Andrea,

One of the hardest things to handle in a relationship is conflict. While a good and fair fight can clear the air and help you to feel closer to your lover, many fights are just hurtful and destructive. Fights that never go anywhere, that are repeated year after year, or that leave you feeling awful about yourself are not going to help your relationship. Those are the kinds of fights we need to take another look at, and find out what is going on underneath. This is true for any conflict that doesn’t feel right, not just those you have with your husband.

Many break-ups occur because we do not know how to get to our inner depth, or getting to it, how to share it. What we want to say isn’t what comes out of our mouths. We argue about something meaningless in order to get space from our lover, rather than feel the anxiety or fear we may have about setting boundaries or looking at what we need. We argue to feel more alive, instead of looking at what is missing in our life. We argue about what our lover spent money on, rather than face our own issues about money. We argue as a way to control our lover, rather than face our fear of being controlled. Regardless of the content of the argument, until we are prepared to express and respect our lover’s deeper feelings, beliefs, and meanings (and s/he respects ours), very little change can take place.

Couldn’t have come across this on a better morning.

i’m a 22 year old man i’v made alot of bad decions but i accept that and have learned from it, but life is pretty good right now and it always has been just got my ups and downs like everbody else but at the same time i feel that i have alot of room to make me a better person and a better life for my self but it seems i can get that kick in the back side to turn me into the man i wanna be, so is theres any more helpful advice you think i need i’d like to hear from you but i’m gonna do what you said and see how tommorow turns out

After going through a near death experience and constant struggles in life, I often found it very difficult for change. But after reading good books and blogs just like this one from Patrick….It is simply amazing how far one can go.

We all have to change the way we “use” to think about things. We have to change ourselves as human beings. We have to work to develop the right mindset and attitude that it takes in order to create the lifestyle that we all truly want. We have to let go of what was, who we thought we were and discover who we truly are. We are all capable of so much more in our lives but we are just frightened of change. But change comes every single day whether you realize it or not. So just relax, open your mind to new adventures and take those steps to learn more about who you truly are as a person.

Change, it is not easy but it is inevitable…..

Thank You, Patrick

I am not a good person. I take people and things for granted. I don’t want to, I just can’t seem to help it. I want so very much to change my life. I want to be the person others want to be around. I’ve tried so hard but I just can’t seem to change. Please help.

Hi I am only 20 but I already fear myself getting stuck in a trap. I am a perfectionist and contiunually comparing myself my life and my achievements to those arround me. I am studying for a degree whilst working part time and maintaining a long distance relationship with my partner of 4 years. I have had a very stressful year and I feel I am too young to be getting so bogged down. I want to enjoy things and let things happen for themselves rather than be continually chasing impossible perfection. I want to just be. I agree with most of the comments above. I think this website is amazing and just what we all need in these modern times. Thankyou for making me want to turn things around. Liz

I am a terrible person. I backstab, bitch and treat others badly. I hurt those around me and I end up getting hurt myself. This one time I took it too far, and ended up losing a friend. I want to change and be a better person, and I’m looking forward to trying and see how it works out tomorrow, and for the better.

I am going to try this. I have been going through a tough time in my life. I question everything, My Job my relationship everything. I want so badly to be a good person. I have recently started reacting, or i should say over reacting to very simple things. Dishes being left on the counter tops and garbage everywhere. I consider myself not only a clean person but an incredibly organized person as well. So when people come into my life and disrupt that i get tense. Like i want to say something but i don’t know what the best way to deal with it is. With that being said, I tend to just push it way down inside of me and try to just “let it go” sorta speak. But this morning, Not only did i degrade my boyfriend, I did so also to my room mate. I totally blew up, i mean over something that wasn’t even directed at me. I felt attacked, I don’t know why but i felt my character was being attacked. I started yelling and swearing basically was not a nice person. I do not like treating people like that. I want to be able to think from their perspective, Not just mine. Sorry for the story, I just really need some guidance

Two years later to impact my life. I’m starting this tomorrow and doind it for the rest of my life!!!! Excited. I think this article was exactly what I needed, it was the push. I’ve been saying I want to be a better person but I haven’t gone out of my way to do it, didn’t know where to start. This was an excellent and simple way to start. From the bottom of my heart thank u Patrick!!

I’m just planning my diary for tomorrow so I’m going to do it with this attituse and really go for it:)

A wonerfully insightful post Patrick. Look forward to reading your book too. I think the one thing that has kept me going after over 25 years of working in the personal development industry and working on myself as well, is the way it feels when I see someone really “get” who they are beyond the illusion of who they think they should be, have to be, can’t be or wanna be. When I see someone breakthrough like that, and I’ve seen a lot of that, it’s like being a mid wife at a birth, the birth of consciousness.

This blog post you’ve made has come at just the right time. For ages I’ve been trying to become a better person, but after reading this post I realised that I’m doing it wrong.. I’m not trying to make myself better, I’m trying to make everyone else better or worse until it suits me. I dont want to change I want the rest of the world to change for me. Well as of tomorrow I am going to be the best person I can be for life! Thanks so much for the help >_<

I’m trying so hard to a better person, better friend…but I keep failing. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I just know that the more I try, the harder I fail, the further I fall and the more I upset and hurt those around me.

I tried waking up and telling myself “THIS is the day where you live to become better for YOU”, with the thought that if I did this, then I’d better the lives of those around me but again…I failed.

I can’t keep failing. I can’t keep hurting people. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong, where I’m falling down all the time.

I’ve tried therapy, counselling, life coaches all without success. I think I’m unsavable. I am destined to be a bad person for life.

I guess the will to change just isn’t strong enough.

Hi, “Lost” – If you want someone to talk to, I’m here. Write me, any time. [email protected]

Hi, how do you really really deal with the feeling of inadequateness. When you are constantly stuck with the feeling of low self esteem that you dont know how to be the best you can because you think that nothing you do is good enough. Because you have lived with this feeling for as long as you have lived, you are never able to challenge yourself to be the best you can because even if you start thinking so when a new day begins you are crippled with the feeling of inadequateness so much that you sink into the cycle of low self esteem over again that you loose sight of you plan to be a better person because you just constantly keep thinking you are not and others are better than you.

Really my question is how do you let go of low self esteem because i have read all the material there is and i am still stuck in this destructive phase. I have tried for as long as i can but, i really am stuck.

Hi, Evon –

I’m not sure that I can help, but it’s worth a try! :)

First, can you give me an example of something you’d like to change in your life and then can you tell me who is feeding you these ideas that you’re inadequate?

Looking forward to hearing from you!

I have felt the way you feel before and it was not easy but what helped me was my point of focus.I think the main focus shouldn’t be the determination to get rid of low self esteem,the real thing is accepting that you have a low self esteem and having done that you can do what i first did,go into the world of dreaming[don’t hide your real self in there,just let yourself dream]envision yourself at your best with your best[low self esteem]i admit that when i did this i cried heavily because i kept seeing myself at the bottom and i did not push it away,for how long i cried,i do not know but when i was back to reality i knew that i hated being low self esteemed and that was when i entered into the world of discouvering who i am,my purpose,etc.If you do this and you still feel caged,don’t worry,just mail me because am intrested in seeing you get through this as a victor.I care and thanks

Thank you so much Hamaya, I will try this and I hope I get somewhere with it, because I really am tired. Thanks again

wow, what amazing advise! I’m 17, in my last year in school, and really need to start to better myself, become more productive, etc. I’m really lazy, and Im finding it so hard to knuckle down and study but with the Irish exam system, this year is the only year that matters and I need to work, I really hope this helps me :) thanks :)

First, can you give me an example of something you’d like to change in your life and then can you tell me who is feeding you ideas that you’re inadequate?

P.S. I keep posting this, see it, and later it’s gone — sorry if this shows up several times! :)

Oh Janey, the one thing i will change is my negativity. I am such a pessimist and I guess my feelings of low esteem stem from that. If only I could change that permanently and not just for a moment in time, but truly rid myself totally of feeling inadequate, i will be so so happy.

Honestly, I don’t really know where it came from. I just know that for most of my life, i have been saddled with it. Hamaya, gave me a few ideas, i’ll try. I pray that it helps.

Thank you for trying to help.

good evening,

this post is wonderful i just feel it came at exactly the right time, i have been trying hard to change to better. but sometimes it goes ups n downs, i feel am active n i can do anything n everything in mind to change to better but when it come to hard work all the enthusiastic go away!

i cant understand why that happen if i have the passion and deep reason for being better and doing my best.

i put plans to change, i work on them for 2 or 3 days then i stop without knowing or i just keep postponing everything to tomorrow and the problem i know that tomorrow wont come so i have to do it today but still i don’t do it !!

i hate it when i do that .. i feel lost i feel that i didn’t give the best i can ! and when its time to get the results of my work am not satisfied i feel that if i worked hard i would get more than what i got .. keep blaming myself that i didn’t give the best i can!

this feelings make miserable and sad .. that i can do it right but i don’t get it right !

thank you, Shamsa

I’m 28 and still have not found my self in and out of work not s bum but nothing really gets me going any more ..

I just do things to make others happy and my family but it’s time for my self and what I want and how I want to be happy

Please can you tell me more about what to do and how I adopt this new way please

Regards Ashlee baker

hey Ashlee! I’m not sure what you’re like or anything, but I’m sure you’re a great person! I’m 13, so you dont have to take my advice that seriously. Make a list of all the things you want to accomplish in life, all the silly little things included. Then find ways of making them happen. Since im only 13, I’m in school (hw BLAH!), so I endure those teenage dramas, and one of them is that nothing really makes me really happy or spurs me forward . I want to be a doctor, but bio’s kinda iffy, if you get my point. So what I do is depend on chocolate and sports and do things that come to my mind. If I feel like being a ballerina, I twirl and hop and skip, etc. I talk to myself (no judging plz :) and name objects. I’m weird and that’s the way I like it. When you do things out of the blue, you kinda enjoy and cherish things that you know that only you thought of at the moment. You just gotta get up, sing and dance!(literally) Sorry If this isn’t that good advice……. but this is what makes me happy, so I think that you should try it! Be a kid again while your young enough!

First thing First- Thanks Patrick Mathieu for such a useful post. I’m taking on this tomorrow with all areas of my life- laughter, health, spirituality, learning, career and will share with you guys. hope to see more such life elevating post.

Thanks again, Pankaj

Hi … i would like to share some story about my messy life, i lost trust to anybody even because i am afraid to get hurt again. all i do is live my life like nothing, one day i meet a man the who really love and accept for who i am, but ignore him and continue to do bad staff ,one day the man who really love me is gone and that is the time i realize that i was doing wrong about my life and i want to change it. and i realize that i am a loser to lost the who i really love….so its a big mistake and lesson to change. you think its to late for me to change to a better person?

what time is better than the present? it’s never too late to change

i can relate i have a gorgeous girlfriend she does everything for me and i am ungrateful i have hurt her so much and she is still there for me but now that im realizing the damage ive done she tells me that its to late and that she cant trust me anymore even tho she loves me and i feel horrible for being so dumb and not appreciating and loving her how she deserved , i understamd her pain trusting someone is important and now shes so hurt that she feels the only way for her to forget is to leave me

Hi there, we share a very similair situation ! I believe that u can be a better person ! U just have to want it bad enough.. :) ! I starting today, I do not know how but I am going to be a better person

Everyone can change.

ah, were is the like button!

I need help. I made mistakes and I bragged about them to my friends. I havent done as many bad things as one friend, but it doesnt matter. How do i prove to my friends that Im serious about changing?

Why do you believe you need to convince your friends that you’ve changed?

If you are changing, if you have changed already, your friends will already know that without you stating or proving anything. People will know by your actions and what transpires in the wake of your actions.

Prove it. My friend left me cause I talk too much, or something. But she came back when I proved that I can control myself. If you can’t prove this to your friends, at least prove it to yourself and know that you can change for the better. (then eat chocolate)

So there have been a lot of comments from people who are feeling down on themselves and their situations and are looking for a way to turn things around. My simple advice is to re-read the last section of my blog post:

JUST WAKE UP TOMORROW AND DO IT!

Think differently. Act differently. Relate to others differently. Relate to yourself differently.

Remember that YOU are the one controlling your life (I know, that can be a scary thing to admit) and it’s completely within your power to start making changes. Start small if you need to, but START!

If you need help getting started, I have a free daily tool called The Mortality Manifesto that you can download and start with right away.

it needs an attitude secret word is attitude

I am in the process of being a better person, my problem is I do it for a few months but I am alone, I do not have friends, no one to talk to. I would like to be a better person, i need someone to talk to tho, sometime when things are bothering me i need someone to listen, someone i can trust. can anyone help me or share their experiences on this.

My name is Troy

Happy to offer a listening ear

Hi Terrance, your post stood out to me bc I know how terrible it is to feel alone with noone to share your thoughts with. Id love to listen.

Great article Patrick. I want to make more positive changes in my life, I owe it to my journalism career. Thanks for the daily dose of inspiration!

Hey I decided to stop lying and being dishonest. Every day I go out there and challenge myself the way I never did in the past. If felt weird at the beginning, but hey… now I am living better and I am looking forward to keep improving every day. I love the changes and the goals the I have.

As I wonder why I have such disconnect with everyone as I got older , as a young professional motocross racer I traveled the east states only ever wanting to become better and better, very small communication with friends and a lot of alone travel time … now that I have landed a great job with great people I start to see myself disconnecting with them … today is the day that I need to change I know I can become a better person .

I can do it !!! I will send you a comment with the results :)

I found this article by googling “how to be a better person”. I have a lot of ghosts in ny closet (an ex husband) and I now have a fiance. I constantly take advantage of our relationship. My philosophy that its easier to ask forgiveness than permission is all wrong. I have a lot to change about me to make my fiance trust in me. I finally understand how I make him feel sometimes by lying. I hope when I try this he’ll be my support system.

Thanks for the useful advice Patrick

I owe myself to be a “better person” and I do deserve it.

I feel empty. I feel a lack of motivation at home and work and in my social life. I’m overly average at everything. I’m lacking in confidence. I have huge potential and a really good heart. However with a lack of guidance, counselling and mentorship all throughout my life I feel I have now turned into the worlds worst decision maker. I’m terrible with money. I Look for instant satisfaction rather than long term gain. I’ve always felt very if not overly self aware but hugely incapable of doing anything about it. I don’t expect a response but even jus emptying this onto a blog feels good. Never been able to open up to anyone about this as my pride is oversized. I’m only scratching the surface here. In mid 30’s and feel such a failure. Can’t even sleep At night due to troubled thoughts. Thanks for listening.

I am 22 years old and have been on my own sence i was 15. I got my GED and associates in criminal justice. I have two kids and a average job as a security guard. I still feel so underachived..i feel lost and alone yet i am surrounded by peolpe who need this and who want this. There is always someone with thier hand out but yet i am not allowed anytype of issues. This post really makes me feel like i am not alone!! Thank you WIll!!! I hope we find what we need because having so much potential but not being able to trully live life is one of the worst feelings..Trully i wish you the best.

I fully relate to you, don’t feel so bad, there is a lot more of us out there, lets get together and help each other out! This is getting way too frustrating..

Hi Will, what ever you said, I feel the exact same way. Just letting you know that you are not alone!

Will, I am the same as you if I were to write how I felt about myself it would be what you have just put. But am in the same boat as you I just don’t no how to get out of it!

I keep saying to myself, Ok, from tomorrow, I will be a better person. And then the next day, something bad would happen and I would just turn grumpy. But now I am going to try really hard on this one.

hey man i like the advice. keep it up!

am a good person a nice and caring and always go above and beyond. That is part of my problem. Outwardly I do all these things. Inside my house is a mess and I can only bring myself to take care of myself about twice a week. I do self destructive thingslike drik to much or sleep with men that are bad for me. I take care of everyone else and even though I want to be clean and happy I can’t seem to make my life right. It’s almost like being an ass gets you a better life. I try and fail and it seems most of the people do very little and are doing way better. I wish things would click just once. I plan on reading through this website and implementing your tools a little at a time to find a place where life clicks. Thank you for allowing me to vent

Hi Lissa, don’t worry – you are not alone. Most of the world is f*cked up still and everyone expresses it in different ways. But where there is a will, there is ALWAYS a way :-) The problems are all based on fear of not being loved. Maybe you sacrifice yourself because you want people to love you, and you felt some lack as a child. As children we are easily formed, and it’s there to learn from – to re-heal. so you could start by sending your best wishes to your parents or others who you can remember traumatising you in some way. They, too had their baggage. Talk to supportive people who know there is hope. Try finding yourself e.g. through meditation, that inner voice that is loving and accepting of the self, so it becomes stronger and starts leading your life in the right direction!

HI. I really appreciate what you have to say. I am also self destructive. I know that I am depressed and without medication, the depression will continue. I have the medication and know when I take it am genuinely happy. But just like my home and my car, I am a mess. I just don’t take it for days at a time and fall back into depression. I am abusive to my body by eating when I am not hungry and putting on much unnecessary weight. I got to this site because I searched “I want to be a nicer person.” This is not what I sought out for, but I am finding the practice can still apply.

I do think attitude is everything and that we have to take care of ourselves. I also am a constant do-er. ALWAYS doing for others and going above and beyond. Yet it’s not always appreciated or returned when I am in need of help. This is not why do-ers do, but it is hurtful when we really need help and the people we help and care for do not care for us.

I hope you were able to find your place where you can click. I am going to implement this positive process tomorrow and see where it gets me.

I’m 19 years old and only a few months left to I turn 20. I still live with my parents I don’t have a high school diploma or degree, an I just lost my $7.38 paying job. I really can’t see me living a successful life. I want to go back to school but with out transportation it makes it harder on me to work and study at the same time. I had a ruff life growing up around drugs and gangs that i’v found a way to use it as a excuse, for not finishing school or anything ales. I log into a computer and I search ways on becoming a batter person. But the stress i go thro every day just makes me forget of changing…..but im try this and starting today I’m try to become successful I’n life. Tomorrow I’m going to wake up early and not over sleep. I’m call schools for GED preparation and I’m try to do better because I know I can expect seeing more from my self. Reading this really gave me a jump start back to reality :)

Kevin, you can. Just that you ask the question means that you can find the answer!

I am so glad to hear you say that to Kevin. I actually logged on tonight on this website randomly because I was having trouble tonight with something I should have realized years ago. Thank you for saying that asking the question means that you can find the answer. I needed to hear that tonight. Thank you thank you thank you.

And another thing is that i cant open up to people and tell them how i feel i keep it all in and let it build up until it all comes our and then it just makes things worse and i am tired of it i really need to start to be a better person and i just need some advice froms someone and some pionters on how to be a better person

i am just 16, but i already feel miserable. i know i am still too young compared to all of you who have posted here, but i am really disappointed to myself.

i think i’ve been like this for years, but i oftenly stop whenever i get into a relationship.

i just found this site while ago and started reading. i don’t know if i can do this. i lack trust to myself.

it would be nice to talk with anyone who may understand. thanks a lot. thank you, too, Mr. Patrick, for this wonderful post. :)

@ jann kevin, hey, u r right…..u r too young to loose trust in yourself!!! life is not that bad!!! ur line-“t would be nice to talk with anyone who may understand.” caught me. if u wanna talk u can mail me to [email protected]

I have never actually thought about finding something that makes me want to be better. It’s not that I didn’t already have something like that, but I never thought about owing my very best to that special thing. Tomorrow I think I’ll live my life like I owe my very best to the things I do.

So today starts day 1 of this new profound journey.

I feel like I hit rock bottom at my job today and do want to become a better person because I would make me a better employee. I feel like I have low self-esteem at work, everyone is talking about me and I can not do anything right. I feel as though the world is against me. I don’t want to quit my job because my attitude will go right into the next one. I feel as though I am great at what I do but I get in my own way with the way that I treat people sometimes. Wow, did I really just write that.

I don’t want to do this for anyone else but myself. 34 years old and need to start living. I have been through a lot in my life that most people haven’t gone through but don’t trust anyone to talk to. I have a great loving husband but don’t think that he would understand, I feel like their my problems and don’t want to burden anyone else with them but now this is stopping me from being a great person. I just feel like I am alone and lost in this crazy world. I just hope that this is a start and would love to change.

“:Never do I fish as attentively as when I’m on the North Umpqua. I feel I owe the river the very best I have to offer, after all, the river has given its very best to me. The North Umpqua makes me want to be a better fly fisherman.”

Sit with the people nearest to you,pour your hart out and tell them what you need to do

My journey starts today,19/06/2011 Ken

Great Idea!!! I will definitely try this!!

Great advice Patrick. I’m 17 and going to college (I live in the UK) Recently I have fallen out with a great many friends over my opinionated attitude and views. Seemingly, This has caused many issues for me and I know this now and want to become a better person. Although, whilst I know the very basics to solving this, I often clash with my pride which tells me “stick up for your opinion no matter what”. This often causes disputes and arguments, which in the heat of the moment seem justified and righteous, but later I feel are wrong. How do I live my life in a fashion to which I can respectfully state my opinion and hear others without feeling head strong and being agressive?

Hi Alex, whenever there is an imbalance in the “equal respect for yourself and others” area, there is always fear involved, e.g. of being viewed as weak if you agree, or on the other hand, of disappointing others. I find that it takes time to find that place where you are clear about where you stand, even still having those fears, yet WITH respect for both parties. I try to look inside myself and recognise any fears and then adjust my reaction to it if I know it is counterproductive. If you focus on yourself and others as being wonderful human beings who all have to learn, and practise letting go of fear, or ignoring it and choosing a more courageous path – I imagine that would help greatly to become your true self.

Hi, I want to be a better person. But when you say wake up with the attitude, what do you mean by that?

-To not be yourself but something even better but still isn’t you?

-I fear if I become like new tomorrow will the day after tomorrow resume to the old daily life.

-I think being a better person will help me talk more and be even more confident?

All of us have qualities that are good and some that are… well maybe not so good. What if being a better person is simply finding a way to grow what’s best in you?

If attention is given to the negative, the negative prevails, but if positive is recognized and treated well, it flourishes. It has been sagely said that we all have a good dog and a bad dog within. It is the one that is fed the most grows the strongest.

The hardest part about being a better person is that it’s a lonely place. When you truly grow, most others will not understand you, and you cannot impose your understanding on them. Being a better person often means giving up justifications and righteousness, and letting yourself and others be.

I really fell in love with my new boyfriend and this boy is almost like no other person Ive ever found. I think it took a while to sink in through this month we started dating. After today’s date I realized this. I feel I need to step up to high new level of my best in life.

I don’t want to let my personality flaws, hurt him. I don’t want to ever be insensitive towards him.

I also remember how this felt four years ago, challenging myself to be a better person since 8th grade ended. I picture tomorrow like being unrebellious and humble to any nagging from my parents. Also I shall grow my faith in God. Just like the time in the summer when I learned to skateboard, playguitar, and be more outgoing :). I’m stoked.

I am always finding new ways to think, feel and react to my circumstances in a different way.. so that it helps me know how a different person would feel at that situation.. does that make sense? :P Any way i’m going to try this experiment right from the time i wake up till i’m back to bed. I’m excited! :) [Wrote it down on my ‘To do’ list so that i dont forget :D ]

I really think it’s great that we all took the step and Google’s ” how to be a better person”…makes me feel good knowing I’m not the only one struggling. 25 years old, just finished college and got engaged. However, my drug and alcohol use is a crutch I want to get rid of. I wanna be a betterperson in all my relationships , especially with myself. Good luck to all and Congrats on our courage :)

I’ll start doing it today, I’m 24 and I just got marry. Thanks for all the advises, I will let you know how this go.

Took your advice and WOW, what a great day I had. Was able to accomplish alot of tasks and felt good the whole day long. Thanks, I sure can’t wait till tomorrow. :)

Marianne – thanks so much for a) giving this a shot, and for b) coming back to tell us about it! I’m willing to bet that your ‘tomorrows’ will never be the same again!

Like most everyone else, I came to your page after Googling ‘how to be a better person’. It was a bit of a last ditch act of desperation to turn my attitude around and gather different reactions from people as I firmly believe that the negativity I was receiving was because I was putting a lot of it out there.

Your advice was no great revelation to me but it must have been what I was looking for when I Googled the phrase – some confirmation of what I knew I had to do. After reading your page, I agreed to myself that I would take up that challenge for the next day but then realised there was no reason I couldn’t start reacting differently immediately and so it began.

I’ve been trying your experiment to a degree all week and I have been having a more positive expeirnce than I’d usually have. Just focussing on what you are putting out there and how you are reaping that back is my version of your challenge and thanks for helping down this path. Hopefully I can keep it up and live a much nicer life without the added aggro I was attracting.

Awesome Leonie!

I especially love that your realized that there’s no reason to wait until tomorrow – you can start immediately. Keep it up!

i tried this and it actually is interesting. for me my best self was envisioned as wearing clothes that compliment my figure and give me confidence. this best self also is motivated and takes pleasure in simple tasks, is confident and assertive and bubbly.

so i did it, i woke up today and put on a cute lil outfit with bright colours (both of these on any given day are a rare occurance for me), and went about doing things that i would typically put off ’til a later date, (such as paying rent, getting groceries..not really great things to put off : / ).

i felt good because i was putting my best forward. this is not the most desireable form of confirmation; however, i’ve been getting hit on all day by strangers even.

i’m slightly puzzled because i didn’t know i had it in me to be happy. i also don’t believe this is a false confidence. it is my best self and that is real.

You rock! You always have, but now you are giving yourself permission to rock. It’s so good to hear that you know that this “new you” isn’t something that’s made up – it’s the real you.

Your blog is truly inspiring. I wish more people could learn to let go of the petty fears of criticism and rejection and just live their lives in a way that not only benefits themselves, but others around them. It only takes a smile, a “thank you”, or a hand shake to brighten someone’s day. Your postings are lovely and seem sincere. Keep it up!!

Thanks Libby. You’re right – your ‘thank you’ just brightened my day!

i got a lot of things going on in my right now, i do bad things and it’s very hard for me to get a girlfriend due to what i do, and i really want to change,but it’s hard for me.

Micah – I have news… you are ALWAYS going to have a lot of things going on in your life. I don’t think life ever gives anyone any downtime so that they can make changes. We just have to want to change enough to start making the changes (however small) despite how busy we are.

Good luck – you can do it!

Hello everyone, i am 31, and i felt so left out, i am not a degree holder, and i don’t know how to be a better person, i used to ask myself ,why i am so unlucky…i am so envy with all my cousin’s they finished college and they have a good life a contented life…i really need help, i have no one to talk to, and i have no one to turn to when ever i feel misserable…please help me!

thank you! Dianne!

Dianne – my suggestion would be to stop envying your cousins and spend more time asking yourself what you want out of YOUR life (not theirs). What does a ‘good and contented life’ look like for Dianne? Then start moving towards THAT.

Hi. I found this blog because I am looking for ways to better myself. I have overcome such adversity in my life, but I found out I have been doing a lot of things wrong. I need a guide to help me be a better person so I can attract better friends and have a better life. :) I don’t want much in life except great friends and peace. :)

There is never a time when I give life my best if I believe I “have too” do somthing. When I “want to do somthing” I feel alive and free when I devote myself to the action. So the key is too know myself, know what I value, know what inspires me, and use that understanding to change my mind from “having to” to “wanting too”. I resited cleaning my whole life, it was a chore, I had to do it. And guess what? I was sloppy. I knew I wanted to improve in the area of self love, that self love would make me happy, and I valued being happy and that being neat and organized was an approach to practing self love, and if I practice self love, I will master self love so I changed my mind and made an agreement with myself that I want to clean, I value being neat and organized and I devoted myself too it 100% and guess what? I find joy in washing the dishes, I feel content folding towels, it makes me happy to make my bed in the morning. Every day I learn how to become more and more skillful at cleaning I dont care if anyone approves of my neatness and organization. I do it becuse I love it, I enjoy it, i do it because I want tool

WInking Owl – I love this approach! Shift your language and you shift your perception. Way to go!

IMHO if you’re overcoming adversity – you’re not doing anything “wrong”. As for surrounding yourself with better friends… have you made a list of what qualities you want in a great friend? If not, write that up and then start looking. You might want to check out meetup.com and see if you can find groups of like-minded people to hang out with. (That’s just one idea – there are 100’s of ways)

I love this blog. Peter

I have been doing some research the past few days and reading all kinds of comments/blogs about how people are wanting to make a difference in their lives to overcome whatever situation they may be in or have experienced in the past.

I liked this post very much because even for me, I never would have thought to even think to give my best at every single daily activity for many of us would only apply a good attitude to things that we do best. No matter what stage we are in our lives, to have this way of thinking would help us to manage our fears and overcome them with a better sense of knowing that you can deal with issues and move in a positive direction and not be held back from what you want to achieve in life.

Thank you Patrick for opening my mind to a different way of thinking.

My pleasure Steve.

I thought life was pretty good for me. My job is so-so, but it’s not bad, I live in a better environment than a few months ago, I have a degree, and I’m healthy. Today I just lost my boyfriend to my quick temper and my ruthless mouth. I thought being truthful was an admirable trait, but I continuously crossed the line. The biggest mistake was doing it with him. I cut him down when he would never do that to much to the extent that I went. I feel ashamed, embarrassed, sad, angry, and stupid.

I know the failing of our relationship wasn’t all my fault, or at least I don’t think it is. I just don’t know anymore. I don’t want to be so ugly anymore. I don’t want to lose anyone else.

Leslie – it can be very tricky to balance being true to yourself (the truthful trait you spoke about) against what other people want / expect from us. When I wrote about giving your life the best you have to offer, I am NOT suggesting you sacrifice your true feeling I the process.

Be true to yourself – it will pay off in the long run.

..I feel stuck..i feel like there is nothing thats gonna make me feel like i’m being a better person ..People already know you for who you are..people that have known you for years . There is one particular person an ex we are going through a custody battle and i can see myself acting like a fool . I keep telling myself i want to be a better person take the high road and not make things difficult..but its easier said than done. I want to be a better person for my baby..its just so hard

Trisha – I feel for you – it can’t be easy. Just focus more on loving your baby than you do on fighting with your ex. That’s what will bring out the best in you. Good luck!

I am only 17 years and i have messed my life up since i was 4.. everything i do i just quit and im always positive with others but when it comes to myself i feel negative and i feel like im alone and no one can help me..i feel no one out there has done this i can only trust 3 people and i disappoint my parents constantly..my parents said friday “we cant go a single week without you fucking up a good time, so why dont you change for us because your decisions are the worst.” nothing i do is right but it is how i feel the only thing i can do is keep my current girlfriend happy and make sure my friends get home safely while they are drunk… nothing in my life is right i am in the middle of school right now and i am on the verge of tears because i cant open up to anyone i just need help to change the way i act and to change the decisions i choose. because right now everyone is always upset with me and keeps me lonely and i only can get 1-2 hours of sleep…i need some huge psychological help in everything about my life. James

Hey James – Is there a counselor at your school that you could talk with? It would probably really help to have someone impartial to talk to about all of this. I remember that 17 can be a tough age. I know it feels like you’ve messed up your entire life, but you need to trust me when I say that it gets better. (I really HATED when adults would tell me that when I was a teenager, but now I know that they were right.) Hang in there!

thanks i did that and now i keep myself occupied by working out doing my dads projects around the house..i eat healthy and i have gotten better outside of school my only problem is that im not doing well in school but i think i can change that soon..Thank you for the advice..my school counselor really hellped and told me to read a book that i need to get and that is: what color is you parachute. again thanks for the advice

thanks i did that and now i keep myself occupied by working out doing my dads projects around the house..i eat healthy and i have gotten better outside of school my only problem is that im not doing well in school but i think i can change that soon..Thank you for the advice..my school counselor really helped and told me to read a book that i need to get and that is: what color is you parachute. again thanks for the advice

Hi I am going to try this tomorow I feel as if I need to. But I also feel as if I need to explain how I came upon this in the first place. I recently cheated on my boyfriend (not proud of this). I was going to stay in a hotel with a guy I had been seeing for a couple of months because we were going snow boarding the next day up in the mountains. The night before we were gonna go snow boarding we decided to have dinner in this bar which was also a restaurant. After dinner we stayed and started drinking we were having a lot of fun dancing and doing karaoke. We ended up getting really drunk and leaving sometime on our drive to the hotel we started fighting and it became a fist fight to where I got a black eye and everything. Well we never made it to the hotel, at a red light I was trying to run away from this man and 2 other men heard me screaming and came to help me so I left with them. Even though I was afraid of leaving with two strangers I was more afraid of the guy I was seeing. By now its like three in the morning and it turned out that these 2 men were out doing drug runs. They kept me with them for a few hours then told me they were gonna buy me some food and take me home which was really far away. we went to a donut shop and they bought me a donut. By this time it was only one man, he said he had to get something from his car. I finished my donut and went outside and he had left me there and taken all of my things, my luggage and purse with all my money and credit cards and id, I literally had nothing. I walked to a laundro mat where a man let me borrow his phone and I called the only number I knew by memory, my boyfriends. so I sat in this cold laundro mat for 3 hours untill my boyfriend finally arrived I was so happy to see him. by the time I get home its 9 in the morning and i had not gotten any sleep. He drops me off at our apartment and when I enter it is complely empty he had taken everything while I was gone over the weekend exept for the 2 cats. I had to sleep on the bedroom floor in dirty blankets. I also happen to get my period that day and had a terrible flu the rest of the week from being out in the cold. I feel a little depressed and have not been attending to school or work as I should. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me because I feel that I brought this upon myself but I just want to make things better and Im not exactly sure how.

Wow NF, you’ve been through a lot.

My suggestion is to be sure not to get down on yourself about all of this. Tomorrow is an excellent time to start fresh. If you sincerely offer your life the best you have to give, things will surely get better. Give your life the best you have to offer and you’ll make better choices, surround yourself with better people and be happier with yourself.

You can do it.

I honestly believe that people can change, but mostly through no effort of their own and extremely rarely when they try. This is mostly due to the fact that we feel, after a certain amount of work put into something, we can give up and the universe will magically reward us by sustaining the results we have. Unfortunately this is all hollywood bull because the universe doesn’t give a damn about anything we do and will constantly throw us curve balls because it’s changing as well. Hence people change without trying because circumstance do. Your job is to use your “god given gift” as a human and adapt.

I agree with what you say in this article but people sometimes don’t know where to start. My advice: realize you’re an animal and apply it to everything. The first thing animals do when they wake up is stretch; next they try to eat and all throughout the day they are working out because if they don’t they die. So if you want to be a better you, your very very very first priority is your health, because that’s your only reason for doing anything. Stretch, eat and run (or swim if you’re a fish). Stop the self pitty because EVERYONE has something shitty to talk about.

Changing DOES require effort – that is the “free will” if you like to decide to act in new ways, break out of old habits, go against the voice of fear (whilst accepting that fear as part of you). NOONE achieves change without conscious choice. Courage doesn’t happen passively. All my fundamental shifts have required circumstance to be responded to actively. I agree that good physical health is important but illness can be a huge motor for waking up to the ability to change. Many people only change destructive habits when their body screams at them to give it the attention it needs. Health means mental and physical. I know a woman with cancer who is mentally more healthy than some of the fittest sportspeople out there. That is number one. When we grow old and die, it doesn’t mean we give up trying to develop ourselves because our bodies are weak. That would be like losing to life.

Matt, I love your post. You sound so intelligent about life. Change does require a willing body to change. Free will can be a good thing and it is the catalyst for change, if a person decides to change themselves. Ah, just love your post. Love it.

Glad to be of help :-)

Well said Matt!

I agree that when people do put in effort to change its very hard work and requires effort. But, it’s only hard because it goes against an established lifestyle and way of thinking. It’s easier to be apathetic about something than active so many of the changes people make aren’t sustained and they relapse.

Also, I don’t believe in much of a free will outside of what “our” minds allow. I don’t think any of us fundamentally chose anything in our lives. I didn’t choose to be human, or to be a male or want a job or think the way I think or to be me, I just want or am those things. And, even if I want to change and push against my limitations, its instinct not free will. Free will implies a separation from nature and we’re not. Letting go of identity is the ability to make extreme changes easy because the mind isn’t blocked by what you or I or whoever considers absolutely must be right. When in reality nothing is black and white. Anything becomes possible after detaching from who you think you are.

I believe that the mind is drastically more powerful than the body and can only fully be put to use when you let go of things that aren’t yours to begin with; like someone faced with death by cancer for instance. We are all energy and when I say that, I mean it in the most literal form. Energy belongs to the universe and when it wants it back it will take it. To be a better person or a better you is not your choice, it is a requirement as part of existence.

Yes, I see what you are getting at. The term free will goes only so far as the dictates of the universe, and in physical form especially, we are constrained, but the potential to expand is huge when those universal laws of consciousness are understood . This letting go you mention is essential to recognise if we are to become as free as possible. I tend to use the term free will because I often feel it awakens a sense of achieving the “impossible” if backed up by example, and we desperately need hope in this world. Most people still think small, therefore settle for destructive elements to progress unchallenged. The choice of stepping outside of the comfort zone will always be there whether one is conscious of it or not. The choice of inspiring oneself and others and being kind or not is also there. Thanks for your elaboration!

Hi Kyle – I agree with your point that our job is to adapt, but I think we need to adapt in a conscious fashion. By that, I mean that we need to choose what sort of adaptations we are willing to make and what changes we want to work to avoid. Also, thanks for the reminder that our health is were we should start.

Just recently i started changing little things in my life. I started one day by changing the way i eat. than two days later by doing things like chores around the house. I than started to commit myself more to school and do a little bit more homework.I know I’m a potty mouth and at times can be really rude or childish; so started to watch what i say and act to a more appropriate level. tomorrow I want to start by showing the ones i love more appreciation by saying thank you and smiling more often. All i can say is changing to a better person i possible but you truly have to be committed. the last couple of days I’ve been really happy and i cant ask for anything more. Each and every one of us has the potential to change :)

I jus recently started blogging… infact Yestaday was jus my first blog day of my life… but i went through couple of blog and this is one of the most inspiring blog I have been through these couple of years.. really inspiring…

This is my first time to post a comment in your blog and your very impressive. I wish more great posts to come. Thanks by the way..

Thanks Patrick

this is inspiring. I am going to pamper my health starting tommorow. Health first. I am going to hit the gym , change my food habits ….

Thanks Raja

Eating much less.

Working out a lot more.

Feeling awesome.

The last few years I have been kiding myself doing horrible things that no man/ or woman should do, but this post has inspired me to do the very best I can at everything, and become a better person. So I would like to thank Patrick Mathieu very much for his inspirational words.

Bah Humbug :-) that made you all smile,see I made YOU feel better and in doing so so do I. Merry Christmas everyone Neil

I love your inspiration but I really feel the need to write this: How can you be the best wife, mother, teacher, mentor, daughter, sister, worker, friend, chef, housecleaner, billpayer, taxicab driver, socialogist, psycologist, seamstress, driver, listener, walker, bather, President, CFO and CEO all at the same time. Too many burdens right now to be a better person.

Sometimes you have to suck at being the above just to get your point accross – LOL

It’s bot a competition, and we don’t have to excel in all fields! it’s more about giving the best YOU can in any one moment. Sometimes we are tired or stressed . under par – but we still have the choice to do the most we can to bring out our qualities. It doesn’t mean spending more energy than we have, rather making the most, and learning from any situation. We shouldn’t expect to be perfect, however, and letting go of imperfection and “mistakes” is just as fundamental to our well-being. I generally find that there is more capacity for being a noble and happy person than – I think when times are hard.

We can’t expect things to always go our way. Obstacles are solutions.

Look at figures in history who never gave in to pressures that could have resulted in loss of humanity – Gandhi, Martin Luther King – they all suffered huge hardships but recognized the unfailing spirit.

i love the way u put it man, very genuine.

It is not about trying to be the best, it is about doing better

But you don’t have to be the best mom, wife, teacher, mentor etc. you just have to be the BEST YOU. :)

Thank you this just made my day!

Hi Patrick. I believe that becoming a better person is great, when it’s done for the right reasons. If you are striving to be better to become more well rounded, then go for it.

But if you want to be a better person just because you don’t like who you are right now, then you would need to change your mindset before you can strive towards becoming that better person.

Thank you for posting this plan for action, it was great.

I tried this and it actually helped me alot. I was in a wonderful mood all day no matter what and didnt get in to any arguements or such

you guys are really changing peoples’s lives. may God bless you all

I’m going to try this tomorrow, I have so much negativity in my life. I just stopped and thought about it, I’m being a terrible, selfish person, my parents, my brother they don’t deserve this.

What a wonderful simple experiment that everyone should try, conscious living. Being the best you can be isn’t easy so I hope you don’t mind me sharing another wonderful free resource that actually takes you through the “How to”, Venus Cow.

All the very best and thank you.

I have always been a person that have wanted to make everyone around me happy, I use to take everything my ex would dish out & it’s been 12yrs since that & then I stopped, Now I am in heated custody battle & no support since 2008, My parents do not talk to me since I started a new life with a new partner, I have not married and have a child, In all this mess lost my job, In a depression kept all the Baby weight I gained and have a second child after 12 years. I just helped my partner with the death of his Mother that I took care of. I used all my savings to fix fathers home while lived before moving in with my Partner. I just keep trying to help everyone else & now have no money, owe for my lawyers services, seem to not be able to get help with my 2yr old to find a job, now way over weight ! feeling lost! I have been caring,loving and stepped away to start over & now I am stuck! I love life just how to fix mine?

I am so sorry to hear that you are not well Griselda, really. I just got out of the service a couple years ago and I am just now starting to feel like I have a grip on my life. Change takes time, and I remember reading on a Chinese food fortune cookie one night that “change can happen, but you cannot push the river.” That fortune statement is so true. Please do not give up okay? God is waiting for you to ask him for help and He patiently waits for you to talk to him about what is hurting you so He can help. He waited 28 years for me, and I can’t believe it took me this long to figure out that He was the one carrying me through all of my trials and errors over the years, and I have been through plenty. God will give you hope, faith, and trust, but more important He will give you confidence for you to grow, and develop. I would like to talk with you actually Griselda? Can you write me back?

Thanks for you kind words, I can tell you that my faith has kept me strong through every storm. My issue is I do not know how to ask anyone for help.

Everyone struggles from time to time with asking for help with certain issues, I know that first hand, but your inner strength will guide you if you let it. And sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do to get the result you want. And if people in your life that really do love you and say they care will offer help to you or get you moving in some way: phone call to say hi. One thing I learned that helped me get through my ups and downs was staying busy. Busy for me was dangerous because it dealt with my health, but none the less I focused on the priorities in my life and managed those the best I could. There were some days that I did not want to do anything, I was moody, or I did not want to be around anybody or talk to anybody because I was so upset inside, but “this too shall pass” I heard awhile back and thought about that sentence frequently. The only way out of something is through, remember that. Doing for others also helped me. I felt better doing for other people, and it didn’t mean not taking care of myself or keeping up with my daily routine, because we all need a routine by human nature, but for me getting involved with organizations that need me or that I am interested in participating in helped. Often times when we focus so intently on a particular event in our lives it is easy let other critical elements to drift away and keeping your priorities number one will help with that, and sooner or later the good will come out of whatever situation that you are dealing with. I have been reading the bible again, and to reflect on Matt’s comments earlier, yes, prayer does help, but there are ways to pray and how to pray and the bible will teach you that. My brother is very knowledgeable with bible teachings and when I got back into the bible readings he nudged me to read the book of Daniel. It really opened my eyes to another language in the world when I began reading the bible again. Hang in there Griselda there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you will make it through! Matt was right about attracting hardship, but know that whatever you do you won’t be able to do it for long until you take care of yourself first :) I re-learn that concept every day personally :) It is hard to want to focus on yourself when there is so much suffering in the world, isn’t it? Glad you typed in your response, I was thinking about you this afternoon. One more thing. Over the years when I was unsure about people because I let others hurt me, I watched and observed other people and how they reacted to other people or how they treated other people. Seeing how other people acted in kindness restored my faith in goodness once again. I still struggle with that just because we all have our own issues, but I saw that there was still goodness left in the world and I wanted to be a part of that for me. I needed to know that there were good people in the world left. Sometimes you just need to get away from situations to see the light you need to see and make the change you need to make for yourself. That works too, but again whatever decision you make and wherever you are continue to make the best of it! Smiling is infectious and others will learn from you! Sounds like you know how to be positive in stressed situations, that is a good quality to have, build on that too…sending an email hug your way…:)

That all sounds very painful, indeed. It could be that you seek to be loved by sacrificing yourself instead learning to love yourself more. Sometimes we do things for others, not because it feels right or good, but because we think we will be loved for it. We confuse loving with sacrificing because we are afraid of not being loved by others and because we aren’t aware of our inner beauty. When we don’t respect our own needs, we may well lose respect from others and attract hardship. If this makes sense to your situation you can learn from the pattern of hurtful events which only really serve to show you the right path.

I wish you all the best.

PS – I have nothing against faith on God, but be aware that life or God gives you free will to choose new paths with determination and courage. Change won’t be handed you on a plate – you alone can decide to change. Having said that, prayer can really help in times of dire need!

Tomorrow morning I will start my day with a clean slate and be the best ME I can be. And that includes all areas of my life. The whole thing but as long as I can give it my best ME it’s a day worth living.

Thank you Matt for giving me this challenge. I love a good challenge!

Awesome (as you lot say on the other side of the Atlantic ;-)

I am going to try my best, too. You are all great!

I do try this from time to time, but I find it difficult to maintain the drive to finish out the day with such a great attitude. I’m great as long as I’m moving and have assignments at a constant pace, but then I get to work with a smile on my face and sit down. An hour goes by and I start feeling dull. I take a walk to try to re-energize and get that good feeling of motivation back. I return to my desk and sit with every intention of reading or answering my emails with the best of what I have to offer, but then the emails are gone, and I have a quiet 2 hours to kill. I try to meditate in those quiet moments with the hopes of finding “inner peace” and contentment of having nothing to do…every day. Other than thoughtfully repeating why my fiance’s mother and son don’t like me much at all, I do that at my best. I start looking at the time so that I can go to lunch. When the hour strikes, I GO! I find a moment of satisfaction with something to do!!! I take the stairs to the cafeteria instead of the elevator and I choose the healthiest thing I can find – usually a sushi plate with a small cup of soup, preferably a broth. I return to my desk. I notice that I have another email or two to answer that just might contain an assignment that will fill my next 30 minutes. I also do this with the best attitude I can muster; after all, I’ve just eaten and am feeling pretty lethargic at this time. Boy, if I could be lethargic at my best, I’d keep a pillow in my cubicle; but I don’t for hopes that my phone will ring, which it might! My fiance usually calls to tell me how he spent the whole morning installing phone lines into the infrastructure of a building and how he had to call the dispatcher 4 times from his cell phone to get clarity on his next job assignment at a different building later in the day; oh! and what are we having for dinner tonight? Yes, this is a pretty uniform phone call.

I usually leave work an hour earlier than I’m supposed to because my car is parked in a 9:30am-4:00pm zone. Otherwise, I would pay $22/day. I’m kind of proud of the fact that I’ve gotten away a bit with a shortened workday and a free ride! Of course gas costs a pretty penny, but that’s not too bad as long as I choose to saddle up in my beat up Hyundai that uses a string to tie the hood down. That car is AMAZING with gas mileage. I’m then on my way to pick up my two children, where I find that at least one needed to see the principal or be spoken to by the teacher, or failed a test. Then I’m off to pick up my fiance’s son, a 12 year old boy who hates me with every ounce of his being and refuses to speak to me for the hour ride home. Each of the three children are in different schools, so beating the clock to pick each one up before I’m charged an arm and a leg, is quite a challenge. But what satisfaction it brings when I succeed!!!! Honestly, the late fees do not bother me as much as it bothers my fiance, who will go into a spat about how money is better spent than to deal with programs that charge late fees…ROAR!!! I just take a deep breath with every intention of being his available ear to these rants when I get home. I hope to lend him that comfort at my best at the end of the day.

I’m not that great of a cook so admittedly I usually feel a little anxiety when I’m making dinner because I know that someone is going to complain about it. My hopes are to hear a minimum of one complaint; and if there are none, WOW!! What a tall glass of water that is!!! After all, I’ve just dealt with a mountain of complaints coming home because that’s when homework and chores are due to be done and there is never a day that goes by when the sound of dying cats vibrate off of the walls…”…but I don’t waaaannnaaaaaa”. The three kids are 12, 11, and 10, but if I could change their already early bedtime from 8:30pm to 7, I would love to at this point in the day…of course I wouldn’t do that though. Instead I sacrifice my personal need for peace and quiet after picking up the three kids and dealing with such a range of emotions from them and from within AFTER my very dull day at work, that I give them their time to be kids. I just pray no one makes another cry by the time they need to get ready for and go to bed! It’s not always easy to have that extra time to play a game together on the weekday when I must still clean up and wash three loads a laundry a night (sometimes more if I just say, ‘screw the laundry today, I’ll do it all tomorrow”.) Oh!! did I mention squeezing in violin, piano, basketball practices and games, softball practices and games, soccer practices and games, AND sunday school with no days off for myself nor with my honey?

Wait a minute, I now feel exhausted just THINKING about my daily routine. Not only that, but I’ve totally lost track of my desire to start off my day and maintain my VERY BEST DAY! I don’t know, maybe I’ll just have to try again tomorrow.

I do try to do different things every day, so that I can experience a tiny bit of excitement in my life other than the daily norm. For example, two weeks ago, I decided to try out an introduction week to Bikram Yoga; last week, I started using the gym at work and have gone twice; and then today, I signed myself up for a 10-day Vipassana Meditation course that I’m hoping will be useful to me for those moments that I am passing some of that AMPLE time at work. I CAN’T WAIT!

This sounds an awful like lot me. Not just like me.. but alot. I try to see the good in everyday but it’s so hard. I feel all the obstacles I’ve over come haven’t made me stronger or better-but more depressed, sour and bitter with how my life has been.. with how it’s turning out. I’d really like to feel excitement and wonder with the world again. It’s strange but I kind of always dream of running off to help people in different countries all over the world. Not like Germany or France.. but 3rd world countries where there is real suffering so I can see how lucky I am. Occasionally I get a taste of how lucky I am and then something eventually brings me down and then I feel it’s all monotonous again.

Maybe you should run away – and take your kids to be missionaries of some sort. I know this is probably the worst advice ever. It’s just what I feel like doing alot.

Let me know if your life becomes life changing and what it was that changed. Good Luck! ;)

I too always have this desire within to take my kids to a 3rd world country to do something helpful and useful. It would feel so great instilling that kind of reality and compassion in my kids. I would like to think that I could afford something like that one day; not to mention, finding the guidance for a program that accepts families in that type of environment…especially a single woman with to young girls!

What is one in my (or our) position to do to find the daily strive to be our best on every other day though? That’s a struggle.

I’ve tried to be a better person daily and nothing works.

I am going to start changing my life tomorrow, well, today actually. I am going to let things go. Improve my life. Allow myself to enjoy things. I really hope this works. I am at an all time low.

Alison, you are brilliant, and your future is bright! Life isn’t easy, but we are born to overcome if we really want to.

Matt is right. Life is not easy, but when you find what really drives your passions I find that that makes any trial experienced worth it. I had a supervisor awhile back that said “eventually the pain and the tears will stop”, and it will. You have found this blog and sincerely “feel” about it so that tells me that you have not lost your ambition or drive to change, so go with that. As long as you feel this way and it concerns you, “How To Be A Better Person,” you cannot go wrong. People who are lost, and struggle in life need a purpose. When they understand why they exist, the rest will come in time. And so will the change to be a better person. It took me awhile, but after years of doctors telling me to find a spiritual side for healing, I finally did it, and I feel a lot better, which allows me to naturally let my personality and character be the person I need to be. And when I did that, change took place inside me. Life and the people in it will change you, no doubt, but you can use that experience and trial to give hope to others, which will positively change you, and let others know that you have survived something horrible and are here to tell about it. When we are going through trials in life it is very easy to forget yourself and your needs, which is why we need other people from the “outside looking in” to tell us where we are so we can get ourselves back together again. Those simple acts of caring: a thoughtful comment, baking cookies for someone, or stopping to have a 5 min conversation with someone who feels lonely; those are the things that make you feel human and connected with others, and it is those things that will “positively” change you, and eventually infect others to find ways to better themselves. Besides, if we weren’t trying to better ourselves and grow, what else would we be doing? And truly, what would be the reason for doing anything? And to again build on Matt’s comment, we ARE born to overcome, we just have to want it bad enough. When we want someone bad enough nothing will stop us. WIllpower will get you through anything, and people meant to be in your life from past, present, and future will be the catalyst for that willpower. Keep your head up and stay strong, you will get through whatever you are dealing with I promise. Stay positive and continue to keep your priorities in check, which will help you :) Hope this helps :) I found this blog for my own reasons too :)

I need to change myself to a good person!! Many times I have taken this decison, but don’t have continutiy ..so failed

I am very loving person, i don’t see any one as sad.. Same time, am jealous on my friends. I don’t have self esteem, no confidence.. How can I change myself…can any one advise me please..

Hi Jacky (and everyone else):

I think before you get to the “how can I change myself”, you have to answer two questions:

1. What do I want my new self to look like (sound like, act like, etc)? 2. Why is it important to me that I change?

Notice that in question #2 I said “important TO ME”. Trying to change for the benefit of others is not something that I’d advise. You need to want to change for the benefit of YOURSELF.

So my suggestion is that you spend some time with those two questions and see where that takes you.

Great thanks for your reply Mr patrick.. I hope you will not be unsure that what Kind of a person I am. . I just wanted to open up myself and need a tremendous change in myself. Let me first answer to your questions.

Here it is..

1.I want myself to a self confident , a broad minded and a tension free person.

2. Its important for me to change for my own benefits.. coz, to an extend it affects my family life which I consider as a gift of God. My spouse is a very understanding loving and I have a sweet child too.. However as I am always in tension for one or the other reasons, I will show my sadness either keeping quite for long time or will show as anger ( sometimes I shouts) to everything when I am with my family. Its true that every children first school is home, definitely if i continue the same, my child also will copy me, and behave the same which I really don’t want. My character is like daily my mind will be explore for tension, if i don’ get , will some how create one.. I knew all these are wrong still i am not able to change myself.. Many times I have taken resolutions to change, never worked out.

Next , sometimes i feel that I have multiple personality,- Eg: even if I don’t like a person, I would act that I am loving ,caring ( any how these persons are not from my first family) ,and later if someone talks some gossips about the same person, I would sit in curious .. I am a person who praise people which I really don’t like, but just for the sake of living – can be my colleague or relative but in my mind I would thnk differently – just for the sake of peace.. and going forward feeling like I am doing something injustice to myself and it kills my peace .

I have lot of friends, But never had a good friend. I am very open minded , a small incident in my life, i would share with all my friends ( whom i thought as my good friends) , and the same i expected from them also. later i understood they are very clever , for them i was just a friend.If somebody advise me ( eg: my sweet hubby) it would last for that day or two and i will go back to my own character.

It is true that i have certain good personality , like, I don;t like to make anyone sad , insult in any ways. I am a very kind hearted person. Ready to give anyting which is possible for me if my friends or relatives are in problem. I love all of them to the best . However In my life, all were with me if they want something from me, after that I was nothing for them.

So Mr Patrick, the above is just a small picture of me. I would appreciate if y ou can give me your valuable advise..

Hope I have answered correctly to your questions:)

thanks jacky

Very well put loved your post..

Great thing to think about, we are always worried what we can give to someone but forget to improve on ourselves so we have something to offer when the time comes.

i need help feeling better about myself and being a better person towards others. i constantly am being told that i am a bosy brate but i want so much to be better than that. i want to always be able to put others feelings before my own and i know that it will be hard to change so much. i am allways told that i shouldnt care what others think so i was a little ify at first but now i feel that i am not doing this for the people that are mean enough to point out my flaws (as if i dont already see them) i am doing this for me and myself, the ones around me simply get to benefit from it so thank you so much for the inspiration. :D

I don’t show my feelings I’m scared of saying or doing the wrong thing so I sit in my office alone, at break in the staffroom I feel vulnerable, I prefer to eat my lunch alone sat in the sunshine. I see others are so lovely and I yearn to be like them but I’m certain it’s too late for me now. If I changed people wouldn’t recognise me. Where do I learn to love myself?

I haven’t been happy at all lately…….So many things have changed in my life in the past couple of years….I was not prepared for these changes…..as a result I’ve stopped trying to be happy or trying to be me…i’ve tried to please others so much that I’ve lost sense of who i really am and now when I look in the mirror I really don’t like the person I see. I have no motivation to get up in the morning and start my day. The reason I don’t love myself anymore is because i’ve been trying so hard to be something I’m not and I spent the whole night crying because there is something that’s missing in my life and it’s been missing for so long I’m not even sure how to get it back……what’s been missing is me, the true me…I’m tired of being what i don’t want to be because it makes others happy so today I’m deciding to put a stop to all of this. I’m going to work on finding me again and loving me because if I don’t love myself I can never be a better person…….I think that the day I do become a better person will be the day that I find true happiness………I’m going to try my best to make that cahnge today….so after I’m done typing this I’m going to hop in the shower, step out the door and go register in school again and I’m going to go and buy something for me….because i’d like to pamper myself a little and in the afternoon I’ll play my guitar with out picking up the phone or having anyone distract me…….and before bed I’ll take some time to draw once again. I’m also going to call my mother and father who I haven’t spoken to for a long time…..and I’m going to call my best friend to tell her I’m going to visit…..and I’ll buy a ticket to go to my home town……so i can get away from my stressful life here for some time. Thankyou so much for this article…..I was googling “how to be a better person” and found this.

Your blog is so how my life is, trying to make others happy all the time forgetting about me. I need to try hard for myself now and not worry what others think of me. I need to realise I can’t make everyone happy all of the time and I can’t make people like me, no matter how I try. It’s going to be a hard journey and I’m glad I found this website

to sandra: i tried it i really did i just simply felt happier! no it dosnt get rid of hormones but it eases the rollercoaster so its not so unbarable. it is nice to know i can fall back on this trick if i ever have my doughts. i draw too it is an emense stress reliever it helps to zone out and just draw it is theraputic and entertaining. i think your coment was very good and i hope you do like your self because i am sure you are a wonderful person and i think it is easier to like yourself once you know that others like you. i went through the same thing for a while and i do wish everyone in the world happiness especially in the one life that we get! ^_^

I need advice and I don’t know how to handle the situation I’m in or change myself for the better (for the sake of me and my relationsihp).

Me and my boyfriend have known eachother for some time now, but have only started dating recently (a month). Within that month I questioned my trust in him, twice. The second time (which happened this week) is what set him off. I tried apologizing because I knew I was in the wrong for that but now he feels that he doesn’t have to give it his all anymore because it will be repaid with me questioning him again.

I don’t know how to handle the situation, how to make him change back to the caring and sweet person he use to be not even 2 weeks ago. It is really taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally, as I feel stuck, lost, confused, and I fear things won’t get better. I really need help to understand what I can do for our relationship and myself!

I just stumbled upon this blog and I feel it was for a reason. Lately I have been very depressed because I too am struggling with being the best I can be. I feel the harder I try, the more resistance I get. I have a wonderful husband and family, but I just can’t seem to figure out what it is I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I am hoping that with some self improvement I will be able to gain some insight and create a happier life for myself.

Knowing there are so many people going through the same phase as me is comforting in a way. I think I will do us all good if we could start a support group to help each other out and be there for each other.

Wonderful post. What if we didnt need to collect so much, if we held our self to certain standards reguardless of others. Where we didnt fear and our only thought was love. Be charitable,helpful and truly care of others as you care about your self. Accept others knowing there not you nor at times act as you would. The cup is half full :)

Id love to make myself a better person!, i will seriously try this, thank-you :)

i have just recently come out of a year and a half mediocre relationship. i loved him but was not in love with him… or who i was becoming. i have to admit though i admired the way he thought about what made him happy and i strived to be the same… but first i strived to be the thing that made him happy which was a huge mistake. now that it is over and i am about to graduate from college and move half way around the world i have decided that becoming a better person is my top priority. i want to wake up and be happy with who i am… so i am going to try this. i have that thing that makes me want to be better and do well… i just need a better reason behind it.

Hi, my name is Stephanie, I’m 17 this year and lately I’ve been through a lot. I’ve pushed a few people away from me, and it’s just come to me for a while now, I need to refresh myself and start being a better person. I get told I take my anger out on people who mean the most to me, and I don’t do it with any intentions and it’s just hurting me and them. All my anger and just all my stress is mostly because of family. Dad died back in 2008 and it affected me a lot. Me and mum don’t get a long at all and we’ve moved into her new mans place. I’ve known my step dad for my whole life and now that mum and him are now together it’s affecting me a lot cause mums put l her priorities into this new family and not me. I get so caught up in everything I break down a lot and I just have no one to talk to, gotta admit sometimes I feel like I have depression cause it gets to me that bad. This is why I feel like I need to stand up and make myself a better person. This advice and challenge seems like a good start to begin with. Thank you for the wonderful idea to start making me be a better person

Hi there :)

Something about your post inspired me to write :)

I just wanted to support you in your wanting to work and make changes and live your life!

Sometimes I like to look at it as moving more towards my true self. Because I think within us we have so much potential and are capable of doing and being such incredible people. We just learned ways of being and habits that aren’t the best for us or others.

It sounds like you have a lot going on. Please be gentle on yourself!! I’m finding at 27, that really growing takes a lot of loving-kindness towards myself. And, creating the life I want means treating myself the way I want to be treated, creating my environment, everything.. This includes being with people, making friends, asking for support, talking to a therapist. I’ve definitely felt that therapy has helped me. And, I think that looking back family therapy would have really helped my family. It would have helped me express myself, be my own person, recognize my own needs. And it would have helped all of us see each others perspectives, and hold us accountable.

You can do it!! Don’t forget to have fun!!

All the best to you!! Lee

I recommend “How to Be an Adult” By David Richo. It’s way nicer than it sounds. It talks about boundaries, having needs, facing fears in a healthy way, being assertive.. in a very kind and clear way. So many things I wish someone would have taught me when I was your age.

“At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.” — Lao Tzu

i really want to change but i am finding it really hard i am only a kid but it is still SO difficult!!!!

im currently a perfectionist and tend to always put myself down and compare myself to others. Im trying to change this and think more positively about things and be less particular. I have thought maybe by changing my instant reaction so take a step back and think of a more positive reaction- but when I do it I feel fake and as if its not really me (like im lying to myself) and that i can keep it up for a bit but then the old me will creep back.

any tips? am I doing the right thing?

Over the years, I’ve tried a number of strategies, but I never fail to seem to subconsciously (it just seems to kick in, so I’m assuming it’s subconscious) choose one of the worst ways to react to a given situation – and then feel miserable that it seems I was tested again and failed. Additionally, I always seem to gravitate towards negatively minded people, and we all end up feeding off eachother’s negativity – seemingly setting ourselves up for failure in any attempt to constructively deal with people in social/work situations. At 45 I don’t want to live as an ogre for the rest of my life, but I don’t know how to effectively and permanently eliminate the fierce momentum that seems to have been built up towards that end.

I’m going to give this a go. I did it today. I decided that my new ‘dead-end job’ is not ‘just another dead-end job’ that I am trapped in, but the (hopefully last) low-wage part-time job that is going to allow me the space and time to find the path out of minimum wagery and towards self-employment and development. Today I managed to be thankful for something that I have come to resent. I think they call this positive thinking? Rethinking this feels like turning a major corner in how I view my stuckness. I hope I can maintain this thinking somehow…that seems to be the hard bit!

i had a german g/f..we spent together one year…then she traveled to england to join uni…she surprised me by calling and saying that she wanna break up…i guess she found someone else who has money ,,job,,house,,etc

problem is that i cant forget her,,,2 years almost now and i still think of her,,,and what bother me alot that i remember only the bad memories with her…and i cant remember good memories…pls dont advise me to stop thinking and to recall the good memories only bec that all doesnt help,,,,i dont have a bottun on my body where i press on it to stope thinking…..she became very cruel,,,i cant even call her anymore or chat wiz her….may b she do that extra to help me to forget her,,and may be she doesnt have anymore time for me,,and may b i remind her bad memories,,even i loved her alot and she did the same,,,,,,,,,please help me,,,if anyone passed the same issue he will have an experience and he can advise me some way useful,,,,except STOP THINKING AND BE POSITIVE,,,that all bla bla !!!

Don’t stop thinking, that’s what separates us from animals of course it hurts but only as long as you let it, she’s obviously not a good person and as long as you carry that weight you’ll seem a less attractive proposition to anyone else that may be a good person and can make you happy, banishing the negative thoughts does take work and to follow the mantra on this page to the word isn’t really bring true to yourself. But act happy be charming act like if things are missing from your life it’s because you don’t want them as a very good friend once said to me ” if you forget your pretending, are you really still pretending”, just act as if you are the person you want to be and pretty soon you’ll become that person and all the things that would naturally gravitate towards tat person will come to you. I did it the other way round unfortunately pretended I was a bad mother f****r cause I had some stupid fascination with gangsters and all that bullshit!, pretty soon I was that person. I now know that it can work the other way and that trained patterns can become the norm even pretending to be happy when your not will eventually leave you forgetting it was a pretence. You’ll get over her but not until you realise that she is gone…..then you can line up the next hot girl. Jesus man your single and able to be answerable to no one !!! You can do anything !!!!

I’ve struggled to find anything positive about my job on and off for about a year . It’s not that simple to find new employment in the current climate so having reached a point where I’m bored of hearing myself moan about work I decided it was time to try to make the best of things and become a better person. So, I googled just that and found this site. I was inspired and vowed to wake up the very next morning with a positive attitude. However, the challenge began at 4am when I awoke and spent the following 3 and a half hours unable to get back to sleep because I was plagued with thoughts about tasks still to tackle at work, looming deadlines and worry about there not being enough time. Things did not improve once I got to work and I very quickly lost motivation to be the new more positive me. I shall endeavour to to try again. Something has got to change for my sanity’s sake.

Hi I have been searching and searching for the better person inside of me. I wake up every day and say I will do better today i will be nice to all around me. But then I go to work and sadly there is one person that I find hard to tolerate. Many mistakes are made and all I feel is i am moaning and moaning to this person but i should be motiviating her but no i am de motivating her. That makes me a bad person. How can I find the patience within me that I once had when i was younger but after one marriage failure where i was physically abused and one serious failed relationship where i was mentally abused from his alcoholism and put downs and then resulting in commiting suicide. All i see is a bad nasty horrible person. Surely after being treated so wrongly i should be a better person. I know what i do i know i am horribly and but i struggle to change it. please someone guide me in the right direction I do not know where else I can go for help. thank you for reading this

Hey Denise, I know exactly how you feel. I don’t regard myself as enlightened but one thing I know – it is essential that we recognise that we are only human. We need to learn to love ourselves and accept ourselves as we are NOW. If you have negative feelings towards others, it’s perfectly OK – you are still a wonderful person. But we can direct ourselves firmly yet gently towards seeing the value of others and ourselves alike. We can’t change most things overnight, so keep practicing LETTING GO of your frustration with yourself and replace it with a feeling of completeness and love, then you will automatically start to accept others as well at the same time.

Maybe my article will give you some insight: http://spiral-m.com/when-to-let-go-and-when-to-use-the-fighting-spirit

There is plenty of good material on the net or in books, on letting go and self-acceptance. Sometimes a good, successful and loving therapist is the answer. It’s a matter of taste which works best for you!

You will get better and better at it!

Hi Denise, I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through, I’ve been a horrible drunk myself believing that to only way I could make people stay with me was to grind down their self worth to the point where they felt they couldn’t get any one better. I feel terrible for my actions and terrible that my own self loathing could have such a profound effect on someone else. As I said in advice to another person on this site a great friend of mine once said ” if you forget your pretending are you really still pretending” and those words have always stayed with me, if you actively “act” like you can be assed with people or that your happy then yes it’s false but soon it won’t be a pretence it will become who you are, and the pretty soon all the things that the person your pretending to be deserves, will come to you. I tragically did it the other way round and pretended to be an idiot ! Out of some stupid fascination with gangsters I hit from watching too many films, pretty soon it wasn’t a pretence. I was involved in all that crap for real. But I now know it can work the other way too and by pretending to be the person you want to be will eventually lead you to become more line them. I don’t mean bare faced lying or immediately being a different person amongst people who already know you but just focusing on the kind of person you want to brand considering what actions they would take, imagine the whole “what would Jesus do ” rubbish but based on someone much cooler !, it helped me hopefully it can for you too xx

Patrick I am going to try this and write back to you. Thanks.

I’ve been going threw some hard moments with my relationship with my girlfriend I have been a real jerk to her and as I try to change I always feel like the past holds me back…I will try your advice and give my 100% with out letting my past hold me from becoming a. Great person to myself and to my significant other.

I tumbled across this page by pure accident this day here right now is the start of something amazing …

Please keep doing what your doing here this forum has come into my life when I need is most THANK YOU ALL <3

Thanks for the article, Patrick; I am going to try this out to see how this works for me. I have recently been struggling with extreme loneliness. I have managed to scare away many of my good and only friends by being an emotional wreck. I have gotten to the extent of contemplating suicide. It isn’t a new thought to me, but I can comfortably call it an “old friend.” Something I used to struggle with when I was younger. Now that everybody I love has turned their back on me I am having difficulty finding a reason to live. I feel that if I can regain my self respect and lose my self destructiveness I may be able to win them back. I hope this helps.

The best way I think I could live right now means being so kind and loving to myself. It means letting me be me. It means finding out what my needs are, finding out how I want to be. It means not allowing others projections and judgements to affect my care and treatment of myself. Right now that looks like a lot of rest and positive affirmations, journaling, reflection. A lot of building myself up. I can actually say that I have a great love and care for myself. And more than that, I think I’m an incredibly beautiful and wonderful human being. This is a very big struggle. Sometimes I think I want to skip this step.. But this is a wonderful step, that I want to be beyond this step. I can say that I’m very excited to move onto how I want to think about and treat others. But not too fast. I think too much about others, and loose myself too much. This has been a very tough balancing act, because right now I could spend almost all my non-work/school time alone. And maybe get together with people once every two weeks. This is fairly non-realistic. One, because I’m torn between keeping up with people more.. (i.e. – not ignoring their calls, etc.) Also, because I do feel the need to be around others even though it’s hard for me. This part is confusing and hard. I am very sensitive and have so much trouble trusting others. I feel so vulnerable in social situations unless I become distant or defensive or a little mean or ways that I don’t want to be. I see others being open and expressive and themselves, and others are respectful of them. It feels like when I’m with others they take advantage of my feeling vulnerable, they ignore me, or just aren’t respectful, sometimes rude. I’m so happy to be appreciating myself, and discovering my true good and loving self.. but I don’t want to keep this to myself. I want to be with and share myself with others.

Hello Patrick

Reading all these posts is wonderful, I stumbled upon this site searching for articles on how to be a better person I have a good education, have enjoyed a good career and have friends, but lately have had some changes in my life and was not prepared for it

I turned 32, moved countries to be closer to my parents, have a break in my job so am kind of dependent after a long time, its a sucky feeling and makes me very insecure about myself and i find myself losing my self confidence

I started seeing an awesome guy but got too attached too quickly, I think he sensed my emotional dependance and backed off, giving further rise to my bad feelings

I don’t know too many people now that I have moved, and have turned from a party person, someone who knew all the hot spots to go to, to a rather quiet person, who wants to be popular and open again, but not sure how to go about it again

I need to build up my confidence again, and was thinking of doing something meaningful with my time, maybe volunteer etc, and came across your site

How can I change this feeling within me to once again realize the confident and beautiful person I know lies within me?

Hello Patrick, i just wanted to say that what you’re doing here is amazing and i hope you still push people to be a better person, not for anybody but themselves. I am only a 17 year old boy going through some tough times, but what are tough times? They shouldn’t exist. They don’t exist.. Its all in our heads anyway right>? Nobody really gives two shits whether you’re having a bad day or not right? Unless they love you. Love is the answer, The loveway is the only way.

P.S. To anybody that reads this and feels what i’m saying, Don’t hesitate to send me a message, i love helping people, And i REALLY love when i can open somebody’s horizons to the meaning of LIFE. Life is beautiful, life is the only reality and nothing else matters. Life is happiness inside of YOU. I feel like nobody here on this god forsaken earth is legitimately THANKFUL for being here. We’re so small, we’re so unhappy, we’re all stuck on this earth. The only way to un-stick yourself is to truly be happy with yourself, and that happiness is what will make you different from 98% of people on earth. I have experienced this myself. I have been on a journey, an experience you could say. I’m not living my life like every other soul here, i’m different. You’re different. YOU just need to see that. You need to experience what i am, and see how different life can be if you just find that happiness.

P.S.S What i find every time i come into contact with humans is this. Pure greediness. You’re struck, you’re saturn, you’re beautiful.

i like the advice. The best way I think I could live right now means being so kind and loving to myself. It means letting me be me. It means finding out what my needs are, finding out how I want to be. It means not allowing others projections and judgements to affect my care and treatment of myself. Right now that looks like a lot of rest and positive affirmations, journaling, reflection. A lot of building myself up. I can actually say that I have a great love and care for myself. And more than that, I think I’m an incredibly beautiful and wonderful human being. This is a very big struggle. Sometimes I think I want to skip this step.

For a very long time I have been a bad person to myself and others. It got so bad that I actually begun priding myself on it! Through that I have fell into such an abyss that it pushed me into the deepest depression that I have ever experienced. I begun stealing and lying, sneaking around behind my loved one’s backs. Then I lost the trust of the ones who I loved most, even myself. I also lost respect and admiration of myself. I pushed away God and blamed him for all I do.

I think this was rock bottom. I realized I couldn’t live like this. I will lose EVERYTHING I haven’t already lost and it will be just me and my black heart.

That thought scared me more than anything in my life and I knew what I had to do; I have to become a better person. It’s a hard process and so difficult. Sometimes I still have slip ups, but I’m trying my best. I have been a better person in the past. I could be a much better person this time. But instead of focusing on how to make people THINK I’m a good person by acting like I am (my first mistake before it all fell down on me), I’ll concentrate on actually becoming a better person and prove this to myself first, because I know all my secrets and I can’t lie to myself.

I will be a better person:)

-Mari, 16 years old

Go Mari!! You’re absolutely on the right track – be the person you KNOW you can be! And do it for yourself!

What if you feel like, you cant relate to others anymore? You cant hold the conversation because nothing interests you? You don’t know where to start? I see people chatting and enjoying themselves, and i am just standing there, wishing the day was over? What if you feel that no one and nothing can add any value to your life? I’ve tried to be a better person before, and I actually go out of my way to comfort and help others, but i always find myself back in the abyss.

I think that I am misunderstood most of the time. I have an extremely technical background when it comes to computers and gadgets and stuff, and feel that i can only communicate on those topics, but when it comes to socializing, there is only a select few that i can gel with. I feel a disconnect with the rest.

I have recently broken up with my gf as well, too much stress, its been a month now. I was, and am hoping that the distance from all the bad would restore me to my former self. I am still waiting for that day.

My name is Mila, and I’ve have hit a pretty rough spot. I want so many things out of life but I have no idea where to start. I understand the idea of ‘getting out of bed in the morning and deciding to live your day to the absolute all’ philosophy but I just don’t see how I can do that when all the situations aren’t going to change, and I also feel scared that it will feel great for a day or two and then the hole will come and swallow me up again and I will feel worse than before (which has happened many times). I seem to constantly hate myself and I always feel like everybody else does too. They say it’s just my age etc (because I’m quite young) but I know it is not, and hate people blaming it on that and saying it’s normal bla bla, because that just deepens the feeling that no-one cares. I am also a performer and do a do a lot of singing on stage, which I love, so I do have passion in my life and things that I enjoy, which I do a lot of, but it’s always confidence issues that get in the way and people say ‘just forget and give it your all’ but yet again I have know idea how to do that. I love my family very much, but because my parents are split, I have to keep moving back and forth between houses and can never really settle into one regular lifestyle. I feel like they are constantly fighting over me, and complaining about the other person, which always leaves me in the middle, performing some sort of balancing act trying to offend everyone as little as possible. I have a constant fear of people not liking me and am always trying to impress others, which results in a lot of acting in order to keep everyone happy, and now it just feels like I have too many facades to keep up. I know the obvious answer is to just ‘be myself’ around everyone, but the trouble is, I don’t know who that self is and I don’t know where to go to find it. I would love to feel great about myself, but I just don’t know what to change to do that. I would love to have a group of close friends, but I just don’t know where to find them. I would love to feel like someone loves me, but I just seem to be invisible. Please help…anybody

I hear you. The confusion can be intense. I too am trying to figure out me. At my end, I try and sit by myself, in silence everyday and each day let go of something that is not me. I don’t know who ‘myself’ is yet, but I guess I’ll get there sooner or later. The journey is just as important as the destination. But it’s interesting to think about whether my actions are defined by me or others around me. If I feel something is defined by others, I think about how I really feel about it.

It’s good you are thinking about this. The friends will come as you figure yourself out. As will new relationships. Hope is a good thing. It is a powerful thing.

Wishing you love and light,

Thank you very, very much D, your post means a heck of a lot to me=) I love all the things you said, and I wish you all the best in finding yourself too. Life certainly is a journey, but a beautiful one none the less=) Mila

I loved your blog by the way Patrick, incredible stuff. It has really inspired me to be better, I just don’t know where to start=) I just love the atmosphere the replies have created and everybody is so wise=) Mila

I live like this a lot, or at least I try to. All I want is to give the world everything I have to offer. But I struggle with it, always. I don’t do as well as I wish, and I find that I beat myself up a lot for that. how does one reconcile their flaws and failings with the image they have in their head of what they should become?

I am the guy that posted the anonymous post earlier in the thread. Im glad to say that i made a big change in my life. I spoke to my GF and let it all out. talking helps a lot. but actually, what i want to tell you is, that life is simple, and can be made very easy and enjoyable. All you have to do is focus on what is important. I cut everything out of my life that is not positive, and that which does not add value to my life. Now i just live for, and focus on, keeping my GF happy, my job, my parents and my brothers, And that is that. Love the most important things in your life, and the love will come back. Cut out the chaff. Im not saying, cut out all your friends, but the above mentioned so have precedence above your friends, dont spend a lot of time on what you could’ve, should’ve done, find someone to love more than you love yourself. That’s the way i am living now, and i am enjoying it. Thanks for this blog

I have been a very confused person for alot of this summer and what I realized us that from what you say in your article Patrick, is that you need to give the best that you are to yourself and the people that are around you. I haven’t been happy with who I am and my girlfriend has been trying to help me but I have been taking her help at all, more as for granted and I have changed idealy into a whole new person….just not for the better. I am going to start this tomorrow right when I wake up. I Am going to give the spice of life that my life actually could use so I can be a better person. So people don’t have to suffer for what I give them. Patrick, you are very smart when it comes to that quote, if I say this metaphorically then pretty much my life tomorrow will be open for new options and steps that I have never considered or taken before, because to be honest I want to be able to breathe and be happy with the world around me, I want to change so that my girlfriend can see the good in me and also see that if I do what I need to do then everyone around will see that I have tried and if I do it all right. I can live in a prosperity of life and owe the best I can give my life. Thank you very much Patrick, this is a new start and I will make the most of what I can give. :)

Feeing so lost right now…….. feel like a horrible person and the people around me let me know. I have been dating my girlfriend for three years now and she feels that I don’t care.I care in so many little ways but theres something missing(something I don’t fully understand) I am not sure when my life turned into an ego war when I stopped being genuine and just wanted to feel right. I need help cause I love her and I can’t lose her just because I need to be right. Please help me!!

Starting tomorrow, I am going to follow the steps you have set! Hopefully I have enough power! Wish me luck xo

Great article!! Life must be lived in conscious and responsible way. If you do not do things, no one will do it for you. It is your life. And it is what you will be remembered for.

It is your choice. Make good choices each day.

So, guys, whatever you do today, good or bad, you do not do it just for yourself. Whatever you choose today, blessing or curse, you do not choose it just for yourself. You also choose it for your children and your children’s children up to the third generation. You choose it for your family, your community and your country. Make it the best choice ever. Your choice today leaves an everlasting footprint. And it is what you will be remembered for.

Choose to be a better person.

You can do it!!

Thank you, Patrick. Taka

Hi Patrick,

Great blog. but i am just feeling hopeless, i do not know what is the direction i need to follow. I do not knwo what is that i am depressed about, what is that is bothering me sooo much.. i really need help!! am goign insane from one of teh most confident persons..

1. Love selflessly. 2. Life is beautiful: Look not for contentment, but learn to appreciate. 3. Family always come first. 4. Never ever leave a friend behind. 5. Do your best at work not to impress but because it is the only way to enjoy your job.

What if your problem is simply that you don’t even know what that day would look like? It puzzles me that I can’t even come up with that!

Hi Patrick, I read this part of your blog and I found it speaking to me. I wish you would respond to me at your earliest since I would like to get feedback from someone out of my usual circle and you seem to have shared some great insight. I have found myself for the past year trying to become a better me but have failed at every attempt. I have been in a relationship for the past 11 years where the past 3 years have been complete hell and because of me. When my husband and I first got together we were very young. By young I mean I was 17 and he was 21 so we basically grew into adulthood together. Many mistakes where made on his part but that never drove me apart from him. However 8 years later, at the prime of our relatioship, when it was going it’s best it had ever gone, I started to resent past actions which drove me into trying to make his life miserable. Funny thing? He stuck through it. And for the past year has been begging me practically to recollect my old self and get back to that. The only thing is that I have failed at turning off this person. I have the perfect motivation. Besides him, we have 3 kids together. Fruit of our unconditional love. And the fact that he has stuck around has proved himself to me. But the fact is, no matter how much I love all of them, I can’t seem to turn off what I have become. And what makes me sad, is that a person that was so full off life and was always smiling has come down to what I have become. Not to mention what I created in my husband. Which is a person that was never there. So my question is Patrick, how do you go about loving yourself again so that I can be this person I want to be? I want to get back to me and make that person better as well. But how do you stop being what you have become? For the sake of keeping my great family together and for the sake of my sanity?

okay im gunna give this a go :)

Hi Patrick, I have a very dark past – at least it seems that way to me. Parents divorced, I moved miles away from troubles, worked in bars and strip clubs, dated many, many women. Thought I fell in love – have a 7 year old, the Mom just remarried. I am with my current girlfriend for over 2 years now and my norms are darker just because, I feel, I have seen a lot and been through a lot. I’m 33, she’s 22 and I fear that my ‘demons’ and whatever else is bothering will overcome me and I’m going to lose her too.

I have been on a great path for the last couple of weeks but I realize going extreme on change can also be unstable. I want to find a way to stay on this path and continue to be the person she deserves, my daughter deserves and I can be proud of myself. It means a lot to me to be respected. I’m scared of slipping again. Any tips on keeping my eye on the prize and staying focused on doing the right things? Sometimes I feel like people don’t change and it’s inevitable that I’m going to say or do something I regret..

Hey, everyone! I’m a 20 year old with a very dysfunctional background and I’m currently on my 4th day sober off of drugs and I would just like to thank EVERYONE who has shared their story because you all have truly inspired me! I’m heading in the right direction I feel and It’s just comforting to know that I’m not all alone …. God bless you all & I hope EVERYONE finds peace within themselves. The journey may be hard, long, and frustrating, but it is ENTIRELY worth it. Any fight for yourself is worth it because YOU’RE worth it! Keep it up everyone, I know I will ;)

Tim congratulations! And yes it is entirely worth it.

I am only 14, but one day i want to make a difference, like ghandi or something. I dont like having faults or lying to people for no reason. I dont like listening to what others think of me and acting like i dont care when i really do. i dont know why im such a horrible person. or why the people around me that see me for who i really am i decide to hate. I dont know why i see faults in people so i can feel better about myself. I don’t know! i act stupid, when i know im not. I act mean, when at heart, all i need to be is loved. I need something, im not the type of person that just brushes things off. A weight has been pushing down on me for so long, its like forgiveness isnt a part of me anymore. I need to change but i dont know how…

please somebody reach out, cause im losing myself

Oh honey. You are a wonderful person. Beautiful- inside and out. You know yourself and understand it. And you know what- that will help u make better choices tomorrow and for the rest of your life. Lets take it one day at a time? Today, we’ll be the best version of ourselves we could be. Know that you are loved. Believe it. Feel it.

God bless you, angel.

Since we are all in imperfect, becoming a better person should be a lifetime project.There is always room for improvement

My wife and I have been together for 3 years. We have 2 beautiful children together. Last week she finally had enough and left me. It has forced me to take a long overdue look at myself. I don’t know how I was so blind for so long. I have been systematically pushing her away for years. I have never been physically violent to her or our sons, but I have been terrible to her verbally. Any time I have a bad day I take it out on her by looking for things to argue about. I act like that somehow vindicates my anger. I love my wife and want to be the man she deserves. I have committed myself to being a better person. I am disappointed in myself that I let it get so out of hand. I’m not here looking for comfort, I’m here for a plan to step by step repair the damage while showing her and myself that I can be a better person.

hello im in need of help. i know im kind of young to be saying this kind of things. but i feel small all the time. especially recently things have been taking turns for the worse. every day i wake up and i feel that i am not good enough for anyone. not for my parents. not for my lover. not for my friends. i can’t even be satisfied with myself. i will try this tomorrow. i will do it everyday. and i hope the people around me see me in a different, and better light. i want to be able to accept the love i think i deserve. i feel i have no rights to be loved when i constantly screw up things. thank you this short and wonderful message probably might help me. of course this and with the help from God.

Most of the time i feel like i am all alone. Don’t have much freind to talk so i end up keepin all my emotions inside and when i can’t take it maymore i burst out with anger most of the time i cry because i blame myself. I can’t find peace i always thinks it is my fault

What a great article!! This is what my new website is about! I believe you have to give it your all to be a better person. You might as well. You only have one life. might as well make it worth living! Become the best you can be isn’t asking much.

I am 22 years old, I work 3 jobs technically, I own my home and my 2 vehicles and I think thats very accomplished at my age, but still I have those days where i want to give it all up due to my lack of happiness. I have found myself more down then up lately feeling like im not a good enough person or worker or daughter or sister or girlfriend. I cant seem to just be happy ever. Ive tried all sorts of things new hobbies new food new movies new ways to do my makeup and nothing seems to be enough maybe for myself or for others around me im not sure but i wake up every day still in the same rutt. I want to be happy i really truly do but i dont like to burden my friends or family with my negativity so i bottle it all up and hope to God i dont have a break down.

All im asking is where do i begin….

I feel lower than i have ever felt before. I have become an extremely unhappy and negative person, i feel i need to change every part of myself it is so overwhelming i don’t even know where to start. A lot of the time i just feel like giving up. I really want to be a better person i bring everyone else around me down with my low mood and negativity. I feel i am selfish, ungrateful and like i always see the worst in people instead of trying to see the best in them.

I’m tired of disappointing myself and everyone I know. I’m not the person I know I can be and I don’t know why or how to fix it. I wish I did because I want to change. I know I can do it, it’s just actually DOING it is the hard part and where I keep failing. It might help if I had someone to talk to about it. I’m not really friends with anyone anymore. There are people I know and sometimes hang out with but I don’t feel close enough to anyone to talk about this with. I want this change for me. I’m completely unhappy with who I am and I’m tired of that fact. I want to be able to wake up and feel awesome again. I want to feel like I’m not a disappointment and a waste of space. In my mind I see me as I want to be and it seems effortless but in reality I’m nothing like that guy and feels impossible to be that person I imagine. I want to begin putting forth serious effort to achieve this goal of mine. Starting right now.

I googled how to be a better person like so many here and I’ve had this thought over and over with increasing frequency. I want to be better but I don’t think I’m capable… But this article has reminded me of something my father used to say and I only just remembered. He said “Be the change you want to see”, and I plan to.

No matter what i do everyday i fall into the same rut,i feel annoyed at everyone, frustrated and angry by even the simplest things. I get depressed and feel useless, i want to be a better person, be someone that other people want to be. I want to be a better person i just don’t know how i can be, i try to be positive and tell myself it doesn’t matter when people anger me but then i just blow up all over again…

That’s kinda how I feel. Try to carry around gum with you and every time someone upsets you, stick in a piece of gum. That way you can take out your anger on the gum and not speak back! Sorry if it doesn’t work….

I’m 15 and I try to be a better person. I have tried to become a better person but it has never worked out. I am a straight forward person and I don’t think before I talk. I try to be nicer but I just can’t. I tend to annoy myself by my actions and words but I just can’t help it. I need help.

Well im 41 and feel like im going on 19. After many horrible relationships I feel im left with an empty basket of friends. It feels that the more I care for someone the more they give me their back. I know im very shy when it comes to letting things out. Makes me feel introverted and non existant. Its weird I worked in highschol to improve on my appearance and it helped get me friends. Now after meeting someone so special and someone who I married and spent 3years with him. I thought I would always have him as a friend. Guess not. He wont answer my calls and when he does its to remind me he wants nothing to do with me. Its painful to relive all the good times in my heart and head. Forgetting someone you care about is not so easy. I know one day ill meet someone new. Just feels like its going to be a long time before that happens. I live with my parents cause of the support I get from them and because I tried living on my own and felt I would get myself involved with he wrong people. Now im more receptive of who I meet and make as a friend snd find myself lonlier than ever. Im now trying to work on me. I ask myself how can I be a better person. I wish I had a camera to see how the world preceives me snd how I make others feel. There seems to be a lack of goodwilling energy that stops me from caring about anything anymore. Just got a breast refuction surgery and feel that instead of making me happier it took from me my sexappeal. Unexplainable. My breasts were always large made me feel the center of attention and now no one turns to me to even help me at the supermarket. Was I a better person with my boobs big? I feel like I dont exsist now after removing them.what a difference. Its really not what I needed to change? Im so needing to look beyond the physical with people. Im starting to feel the human need to connect with just anyone. I guess the change is a dramatic one I wasnt ready for. Is appearance that important. I dont mean to sound shallow but I did think it meant that much to me. The change is for the good and tomorrow I will. make every second matter. Make every minute count. Its like I fell off of a cliff. And didnt get up. Thanks for the forum.I really enjoy reading the other situations makes me feel not alone.

Always want to be a better person – after al, what is the point of living if you can’t improve your life by helping someone to improve theirs. This obsession we have with enjoyment is childish in the extreme – we can start to bring the unfortunate up to where we are. Please don’t chastise me for what you might think is a ‘bleeding hearts’ campaign. I just think we can do good without it costing us anything, and if that is true, we should do it.

I always keep telling myself to to that, to become a better person, to study, to do homework. But its not that I don’t want to do it, its I just can’t do it. I think I am a weak type of person who gives up easily. I realize that I cant be a better person If I keep doing it..

But now that I have read this page and the other persons comment above. I will try again to do it, not just try but to do it until I improve myself.

So thanks to you..^_^ good day..

Being a better person can be done easily if you set correct goals and you are ambitious. At least for me.

Dear Patrick, Blessed are they who light the path for others who are lost in darkness but are willing to find a way, if only some could show the way. God comes in different garbs just to help the lost but deserving souls. Those, who think about others with an intent to help them in some way, are godly people. May their tribe increase( you included ).

Hello! I’m 14 and I’ve been going through a stage where i’m never happy with myself and I knew that if you’re a good person than you can’t feel bad about yourself and that’s what lead me to this sight. I think your advice is really good and I’m going to try this approach tomorrow :)

I just found this tonight and I’m glad there are responses so current. I’m going to give this a go tomorrow and see what happens. I’ve been going through a lot of life changes, all at once. There are many good things, but many bad, all of which I created. I feel like becoming a better, more loving person is going to be the thing that gets me out of the hole I created. If anyone here needs to talk, or get things off their chest, I will happily, happily talk with you. [email protected]

Hey! I want to do this so bad!!!!!! I’m gonna do this tomorrow and it’ll be awesome…. BETTER LIFE…………. HERE I COME!!!! :-D

The other day I found myself bothering over being bored, bored with my life, I have no friends in a new town, my diet is getting me nowhere etc etc.. It made me feel miserable, I’ve had these feelings constantly for the past few years and have seeked medical attention in the past, although recently I thought I’d been getting better until now. But this time instead of wallowing, I’ve written a description of who I want to be, and every step I need to take to get there, I’m going to be proactive. I’ve signed up for classes, appointments, done up a schedule and sticking to it!

Your blogs are very powerful, so thanks!

It sounds like you have a good plan. That’s the problem with my life at the moment, there is literally no structure. I’m not needed for anything. The prospect of going to sleep, waking up and doing whatever you want whenever you want to sounds brilliant to most people but it does my head in. Also, once you get used to no structure it’s hard to come back from that. I think I might need to sign up to some classes as well.

This is so funny! I have been thinking about this very thing so much lately! I’ve recently embarked on changing my life completely. I’m shaping myself into the person I’ve dreamed of being since I was 5 years old (minus the whole fairy princess thing). I’m going to learn various subjects, travel, be self-sufficient and protect the environment, and I’m going to be a writer.

I have my work cut out for me. But everything I do towards that goal makes me feel as though I owe it to my life to keep going. That I owe it to the 5 year old me to make my dreams come true.

I owe the child I was the very best the adult I am has to offer. And that thought makes me want to be a better person.

Hi I’m a soon to be mom, and I just want to be the best mom and to add to that a good person to the father. I’m not the type of person who stands up for themselves I just let people walk over me especially my parents. And I want to change that for my relationship and my son. I don’t know if this fits what I’m hoping to reach. But I think it’s the last shot. I am going to try it though because I cannot stand it any longer. I have a lot of personal issues and by trying this I hope it helps by the way I am 17 years old.

Hi Lizzy, it sounds like you are facing some changes, being a mom will will no doubt require you to be the best person you can be.

Your parents are probably worried about you and as you are still young they obviously feel they can tell you how to live. This said, you may want to be a little easy on them and remember you may want their help sometime in the future.

Standing up for yourself is another thing. It is important for you to be able to make decisions that effect your life and have your parents support. You can try talking to them and remind them you need their support to grow up to become a person who can make decisions for herself and learn to live with the consequences of your own actions. Parents do not want to lose their little girl but, they will no doubt come around in tiime. Just stick to your guns – stand firm on the decisions you make.

Make sure you get support from others too so you are not dependent on your parents. Not getting pushed around by others requires you to find your own independence. You are young and there is still tiime to learn who you are and be the best person you can be.

Even if you do only one thing each day that takes you towards your dreams you will see progress over time whereby what you desire becoomes a reality.

Best of luck with your child. Keep asking for help and seek out those who have the time to support you to be the best person you can be. The universe will support this and bring you who you need. trust me.

Cheers Zidaz

There is a bit of confusion around when it comes to understanding just who we are as a self. The things you do are never you – these are just things you do. Wanting to become a better person suggests you do not like the person you currently are. However, who you are is far greater than the things you think, do or feel. Who we really are is found in the stillness of the mind, in the moment of now.

We do not spend enough time in this place and so knowing self is limited to the external events and circumstances of our lives. Take the time to learn more about who you really are, the true nature of reality and consciouness. Also, there is great books to read about the neoplasticity of the mind and how we can rewire our patterns which long longer serve us.

Doing what we need to do to achieve our dreams does not come easy if you are hardwired to do things that work against this happening. Why, cause we are fighting against the chemical addiction that says do what you always do. And, new expereinces are uncomfortable as the brain pathways are yet to form strong connections. If you ever learnt to juggle balls I am sure you can recall how uncomfortable it was at the beginning. It was only focused attention and commitment to the task that eventually skilled you to juggle without much thought.

All change occurs this way. One of the most profound ways to change your life and be the best person you are is to take te time to discover who you really are and then be this. Cheers

I’m just wondering, if we shouldn’t care about what people think. Why do we have to become a better person. I know it’s silly but it could prove some sort of point.

Though don’t get me wrong, I’m constantly improving myself. I feel a lot better when I do the right things most of the time.

I actually sort of did this almost by accident today and it was wonderful. Gotta say, this article was great in that it articulated what I’d already been trying to do, which essentially just cleared up my focus and allowed me to really latch on to something to move toward. Thanks a lot!

Great article, thanks. Have shared on Facebook. Am a huge, massive proponent of living life full out, with bold passion. Thanks.

Actually nowdays I am working in the company, My job make me want to be a better employee in that company, I’ve already decided to be a better person, I don’t want to drop I want to wake up and I want to change my old way (always delay and waste my important time to do something without result), But hey…I’ve treating all this kind of fun and exciting!!! Hmmm I really want to be a better person in society,,,,Can you please provide me your idea or hint to change my attitude? Thank you!

How to be a better person is actually an experiment with your own self. No man is born perfect and you should always remember that though you might feel you are the best, but according to other person’s point of view, you can still be better. Know what else do they want in you that you are better than before. 100daychallenge.com is one platform where you get all the essential information that can change you to be a better person!

My son. He’s my inspiration and motivation. I’m a terrific dad, and enjoy it tremendously. However, these good aspects have forced me to examine other aspects of my life/personality that I am not so proud of. At the moment, he’s napping…and I’m feeling sorry for myself. When he wakes up, I will take him outside, to the park, to the pool…whichever he chooses. Although I really don’t feel like it, I will give him my all. Thank you for the powerful words and ideas.

i too will try although im afraid im weak

Wow, I’m so stuck. I don’t even remember how to give the best any more. Do I have it in me? Do I have the energy? Motivation? Confidence? How do I even start?

We all get stuck, but it helps to remember that each day can be a new beginning. I experience frustrations in that it has taken me a long time to like myself, yet I still fall victim to other’s condemnation. Often they are deserved, but more often than not, they are reflections of their own frustrations, not mine. But all things being said, each morning that you awaken holds all sort of possibilities, and you just keep on trying, and at your worst you are still far better than those who live unconcerned and oblivious to their own emotional and personal deficiencies. You have it in you.

Layla, Charity begins at home….so maybe you should start by giving yourself the best(water, food, rest, exercise, spiritual nourishment, pampering etc. Treat yourself the way you’d treat someone you really adore and care for). As you do so, you’ll slowly gather momentum to extend it outwards.

Hi everyone, (: my name is savanna,and I’m 14. My entire life has been hard, and I have been thru so much I sometimes have troubles forgiving others for what they do. Me and my sisters were homeless with our parents for a while intell our mom left and our dad got us taken away. My entire life was filled with pain heart break and getting taken away from my family. Than five months ago my dad took his own life. Ever since than I haven’t been the same. I have has trust issues, forgiving issues, and its hard to be happy. I tried what the article said and it worked. I just wanted to be a better nicer happier person. And now I am. Thank you (:

Thanks for an article that make us think of ourselves and how we can be a better person. Everyone will have a different perspective about being better. So without looking into others life, if we think and decide about what is it that can make us better, it would be easier to be the best of ourselves.

It is not going to be easy. But it is something really worthwhile. If I can always have that frame of mind all day long, success will be guaranteed.

Great info! Yeah, I think personal development and who you are are very important for a lot of things in life. It is definately a good idea to work on ourselves.

I did this experiment yesterday.

When I woke up, I thanked the Universe for everything in my life, including my challenges.

I drove deep into the mountains where I live and I went for a very long walk through the forest.

I meditated by a waterfall.

I came home and cooked a delicious curry with the man I love most in the world.

We laughed lots together.

I went to sleep feeling peaceful and truly blessed.

Thank you for this wonderful gift of an article.

I am a really selfish person. I have the greatest friends and family but I always take the for grated and always blame them for my problems. Today I realized this and I am glad that I am realizing this now instead of later on. I am good to people who don’t know me but use my family constantly. My main problems is that I am lazy,unhelpful and think that I am better than others. I love your idea of giving life the very best it has to offer an plan to use it right away. Hopefully my friends and family will start feeling more appreciated and I will start being proud of myself. Thanks for the advice

I’m definitely going to give this a go =)

You wrote: “Does the special person in your life make you want to be a better partner?” My reply: This is the crux of a good relationship. It’s better not to be in a relationship than to be in one where your partner makes you feel bad instead of good. Also, giving your best in all you do is key to a happier life. What a nice experiment and a great article. Thanks!

Thank you Sir! this helps us .. Good article expected more articles like this from you. Thanks again

Hello Patrick, I am 21 years old. I have been trying to make things better around me from the past 8 years. From good grades to selection in top university for my graduation but somehow I miss everything by a very little margin. I get very close to achieve my goal but something turns out unfavourable and I lose it again and again. I would like you to tell how to stop this viscous cycle of failure.

For a while not I’ve been doing what i call self-evaluation, reason being that for the past years I’ve been an unhappy soul. I was trying to get to the core of the unhappiness but i seemed to fail. so i tried pretending to be happy that isn’t helping that much either because at the end of the day i find myself feeling “depressed”.

I think I’m allowing the better me to drown inside of this lost soul that i am, and it pains me to see myself go through such. I think i do not understand the kind of person that i am, hence trying to figure me out becomes a mission impossible. All this just seems to bring a negative aura between me and those who are close to me most especially my relationship with my boyfriend.

I really need to discover myself, do i start by digging deep into myself or do i get up from where i’m sitting and move forward? I NEED TO FIND JOY WITHIN MYSELF I’M DROWNING. HELP PLEASE

I am not supprised that this has over 300 comments, this is a ridiculously brilliant, short n’sweet post, which is devastatingly effective, and delivers the message beautifully….And I love the opening quote, which for me got me thinking…and I love blog posts that get me thinking, as that is the job of a blogger, to help spread the message.

Thanks for making me re-prioritise my actions for the year…heck, try a lifetime. It won’t be easy (tell me what is…) as I’ve suffered from all sorts of de-motivation…but starting from tomorrow (tonight, actually, if you count your 8 hours), I’m going to give this experiment a full blast.

Thanks for shairng a very thought provocative article. I hope it helps millions;-)

Hi, I’m a 26 year old nurse from the Philippines and tried this experiment. It worked like magic, I seemed to have a boost of confidence and did my job as an OR nurse with finesse. Thank you for whoever wrote this article. I will keep on re-reading this if I ever had a moment of being down again.

Thanks a lot for posting this awesome article.I really liked your article and will definitely share this on my Twitter.Thanks for a great article!

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Essays About Role Models: Top 5 Examples and 7 Prompts

Check our guide, including top examples and prompts on essays about role models to write a high-quality piece about your idol and motivator.

How do you label someone a “role model”? Do you look for exemplary qualities like high intelligence, good leadership skills, and confidence? Role models are critical in personality development and life. For example, research proves that adolescents with positive role models, primarily those they know personally, do better academically and have more courage and self-respect. 

A role model is someone who excels in their field of expertise, inspires you to be a better person, and motivates you to follow an excellent path. They influence your life decisions and encourage you to become a lifelong learner. Who individuals decide to be their role models vary. Although most pick their parents , others also choose prominent people like celebrities, politicians, or singers. 

If you want to start writing about your role model, here are five sample essays to inspire you:

1. Best Role Model in Life by Prasanna

2. my role model: essay about my father by anonymous on gradesfixer.com, 3. word essay on true role models by pragati ghosh, 4. the role model qualities of martin luther king junior: leadership, courage, and self-discipline by anonymous on studymoose.com, 5. my mother: my inspiration and my role model by ankita yadav, 1. why should i have a role model, 2. my role models, 3. what is a role model, 4. disney characters and role models, 5. celebrities and singers as role models, 6. characteristics of a good role model, 7. how do role models affect young people.

“But for me, a role model is someone who motivates me and influences me to be a good human and positive person in life, who gives me a supporting hand to walk and run to achieve my dreams and goals. Role model is not someone who is full of ego, attitude or full of selfishness.”

Prasanna introduces her role model A.R. Rahman as someone who stimulates her desire to be an excellent musician. She mentions how vital it is to look for a role model in the field that you’re interested in. For her, it’s music. Rahman stirs up her passion for learning guitar and reaching the same achievements he had.

She believes anyone can be someone’s role model as long as they are a good person. Prasanna adds that a good role model must help you reach your dreams. She also shares her wish to meet her role model to thank him personally.

Are you interested in music? Check out these 10 essays about music .

“He is the one I always admire in my life. When I have children, I want to be similar to my father to do for my kids how he takes care of me.”

The essay shows the excellent characteristic of the author’s role model, their father. They describe him as a knowledgeable person who always encourages them to be strong in every situation and supports their goals in life. Further, the writer mentions that their father earns respect and admiration from others because of his hard work in becoming a successful businessman and a reputable human being. 

“A role model is somebody who has influenced us in our lives and whom we try to imitate and learn as we are aspired by them.”

Ghosh’s essay acknowledges that in today’s era, a person’s character, style, body language, virtues, deeds, and actions influence what type of role model they will be for others. She notes that an actual role model has self-confidence and good communication skills, shares similar thoughts with those they inspire, knows how to get credit, and does things with good intentions. She concludes her essay by advising the readers to choose their role models wisely.

“… He was a civil right activist and is one of the reasons why African Americans have rights.”

This essay expounds on Martin Luther King Jr .’s qualities that the author admires. These characteristics pushed the writer to choose him as their most significant role model. The piece recounts how Luther King Jr.’s leadership skills in fighting for equal rights and courage in speaking in front of police officers inspired the writer to be as brave as the activist and Baptist minister. The author also includes that despite being busy, Luther King Jr. finished his work on time because of self-discipline.

“She is a mother, a pilot, a driver, a cook, a good person, all at the same time. I not only want to be a pilot like her but want to copy her overall personality.”

In Yadav’s essay, she discusses how her mother became her role model. Aside from being a hard worker, she points out how she religiously follows schedules to be timely with her firm self-discipline. She believes her mother isn’t only the next Master Chef but also someone with a high sense of fashion. She’s a busy person with style. Yadav’s role model is with her at home – a mother, a mentor, and a perfect friend with a fantastic personality.

7 Writing Prompts for Essays About Role Models

Are you ready to write an essay about your role model? If you don’t have a role model or you’re having trouble coming up with a topic to start your essay writing, feel free to use the prompts below:

Most people, especially students, look for a role model to motivate them to find the right career path. At the same time, this path must also let them focus on goals, develop skills, and build character. Use this prompt to discuss your reasons why you want to have or have a role model. Then, introduce your role model by sharing their characteristics and what makes them special. You might also be interested in these essays about critical thinking.

People have more than one role model. For this prompt, list your heroes and why you consider them as such. Then, pick the top ones and add their lessons’ impact on your life. Finally, you can include some of their inspirational quotes and explain why these sayings resonate with you.

Define what role models are all about and link relevant research or statistics that prove their importance. Then, talk about your understanding of being a role model and what qualities most look for in their role models today. 

Disney characters, especially princesses, are what young girls want to be. Share your stance on the debate of whether it’s okay for kids to use a fictional character as their role model or not. Affix your reasons why. Make your essay more convincing by adding examples, especially if you disagree with the idea that imaginary characters are worth being idolized.

Many look up to different celebrities and singers and consider them their role models. Some take it to the extreme and follow exactly what their idols do. Unfortunately, many become obsessed and follow even the wrong things, thinking they will gather the same fame and status as their idols. They also forget to live their own unique life. First, say something about youngsters worshipping popular artists. Then, add how people can select more positive and influential models to adore.

Discuss the typical characteristics people associate when they think of a “role model.” Then, give examples of these ideal individuals and share your preferences when favoring a role model.

Role models should motivate and inspire the youth to reach their goals and live as good people. Open discourse about the benefits of having a positive role model and how they can help change the unhealthy behaviors of today’s youth. Make your piece more compelling by adding the adverse effects of having a negative role model. 

Excellent grammar and punctuation are crucial to ensuring a good grade in your essay. See our guide to grammar and punctuation  to know more.

For help with your essay, check our round-up of best essay writing apps .

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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How Can Knowing Oneself Make Someone A Better Person Essay

This sample essay on How Can Knowing Oneself Make Someone A Better Person Essay offers an extensive list of facts and arguments related to it. The essay’s introduction, body paragraphs, and the conclusion are provided below.

Knowing oneself is the first step in becoming a fully functioning individual and recognizing that we have strengths and weaknesses that help us become better persons by building on what we are good at and by improving what we are not good at. As a worker and as a human being, we are required to interact and relate with other people.

In any relationship, may that be of boss and subordinate or between parents and children or friends, we must be able to communicate effectively, and thinking that I am pretty good at this aspect, I was excited to take the assessment tests on communication to maybe validate what I believe is one of my strengths or to find out weaknesses that I may not be aware of.

Moreover, we also took motivation skills assessment to test our level of motivation and our motivating skills in the workplace. The results are very important to me since I know that motivating others is not one of my greatest assets. What follows is a presentation of my assessment results in communication and motivation identifying my strengths and weaknesses and a plan of action that I would accomplish to become a better person, enhancing what I have and developing what I don’t have.

Communication The communication assessment consisted of three subtests including communicating supportively, my personal use of supportive communication and my communication styles, as well as a role playing exercise that presented a communication dilemma.

Proficient in: Communication

“ She followed all my directions. It was really easy to contact her and respond very fast as well. ”

I discovered that I have a number of strengths in this aspect and have a few weaknesses as well.

Strengths My communication style uses more of probing responses (8>6) which is an indicator of an effective communicator. I tend to ask people about what they feel and think about a situation or views on an issue and in the process clarify or gain a better understanding of other people. I do not use many advising responses (2) which actually may sound condescending to others and would make them feel incompetent. I try to let people know that I know that they are thinking individuals and I do not have to offer them any suggestions. In my supportive communication assessment, I tend to be problem-oriented, consistent, descriptive, validating and owned my statements (1a, 2b, 3a, 4b, 5a). I generally try to say to others what I mean and mean what I say, in the most diplomatic way and one that tells them that I understand their situation but that things have to be done and their cooperation is needed to get it done. Weaknesses I am not adept at reflecting responses (1), I seem to concentrate more on asking questions that makes the employee elaborate or clarify more on the issue or topic. I admit though that I do not make use of reflecting responses seems it feels redundant to me or just like repeating what the other person said. Generally though, it seems that I don’t have very good supportive communication skills. My total score is 69 which is almost half of the ideal score (120) and it places me in the bottom quartile. When I think about it I realize that I do lack the skill on coaching and counseling and I don’t know how to give negative feedback, I more often try to concentrate on the problem and what is to be done and usually end up doing it myself. In the role-playing exercise, I had difficulty communicating what I wanted to say and was also not attentive of my partners responses, hence I think I should develop more on this skill. Action Plan Based on the assessment results on my supportive communication skills and communication styles, I would strive hard to learn more about effective communication by reading books and following some of the tips in the lectures. I also need to work on my reflecting responses skills because I realize that this is the most effective style for supportive communication and yet I rarely use it. I also need to make a distinction between counseling and coaching and evidently I do not have any idea of how to do it properly, instead I might end up hurting other people’s feelings. Attentive listening is also a skill that I fail to use and must learn to use more often. What I learned from this experience is that no matter how good a communicator we are, but to actually b effective in it is a difficult to do, on that takes an honest assessment of my communicating skills and us it as a basis for further improvement.

The Importance Of Knowing Oneself

Motivation The second part of our assessment exercises involved measuring our level of motivation and our performance problems and our motivational skills. The results indicate that I do not have broad-based motivational problems at work but there are those that need to be looked into. While in motivating others, my score of 87 falls in the third quartile compared to the mean group and is not that far from the ideal score (120).

Strengths I found out from the result of the assessment that I am good at motivating others by telling them that they are good at what they do (aptitude) and I expect them to successfully accomplish their tasks (expectations). It seems that this two approaches usually work for me and hence I repeatedly use it to motivate others. In the role-playing exercise I was able to reach a compromise with my subordinate, that when she shows an improvement in performance for the next week I will not put her under disciplinary action. This shows that I can actually settle conflicting views by being diplomatic about it and yet reaching an acceptable resolution to the issue.

Weaknesses I had difficulty in motivating others by facilitating improvement of skills and by linking rewards to performance. I usually think that everybody is intrinsically motivated to become at what they do because it is self-gratifying, but I did not account for the fact that some people are not as driven as the rest of us. In the role-playing exercise, I realized that I did have a short patience for arguments and was almost becoming irritated thankfully I had the idea to reach a compromise rather than to insist in what I think should be the right solution. Action Plan I realized that there are more ways in motivating others and that I can learn it to become an effective motivator. There are a number of self-help books and the readings that the professor gave us can help me learn more about motivation and its many uses. I am also curious at how to

Use effective punishment and reward because I might be unknowingly contributing to negative attitudes and behaviors in others. I also would like to learn more of my own levels of motivation and where it comes from and how to develop it more. I did understand that sometimes not getting what I want done is not a sign of failure, but finding ways to resolve and issue in the best possible means is more important.

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Personal Experience that Made Me Better than before

• Categories: Personal Experience Personal Growth and Development Self Assessment

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             "How To Become A Better Person"              How to become a better person? This is a question often asked by the people who want to have a new life. Some said that to become a better person, you must be true to yourself or you must have a goal in life so that you are directed to do things positively. Others would say if you only have a determination in facing the challenges or trials of life, then definitely you will become a better person. Whatever the ways of becoming a better person, these are only some key ingredients that will eventually lead you to be a better person.              Improving yourself is not just merely in your way of dreams or ambitions because in reality, you cannot achieve a certain thing if you do not know who you are, the inner YOU. But before that, you must know your "Supreme Creator," God the father. Knowing and worshiping God ahead of anything else is the number one key to become a better person because He is the source of all things above this Earth, to the universe and of all knowledge and wisdom that helps and provides us everything.              As G. Arthur Keough quoted, "Worship is a recognition of the "worth – ship" of God, that God is worthy of all honor and praise. It sees in Him the all – powerful Creator, all – loving Redeemer, the Wonderful Shepherd, before whose throne all nations must bow with sacred joy." This quotation gives us the idea if you just worship Him, you can obtain happiness in life, which directs us to be a better person. Thus, this can be called a perfect pattern in character or behavior of a human being because it will help you to follow the different aspects of life to be more suitable one.              After knowing God in your life, you will have to know yourself deeper and love yourself first before the people around you because if you do not love yourself or respect in any way, then how come you will learn to love other people, right? As what the sayin...

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