knowing yourself better essay

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The importance of knowing yourself: your key to fulfillment

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What does it mean to know yourself?

The importance and benefits of knowing one's self, how to know yourself better, how to improve your self-knowledge, how coaching can help.

Think of the most eccentric person in your life. You know the one. 

The one who either shows up in a disheveled leather jacket or an all-black outfit and a beret. They’re somewhat aloof but always energetic. Unapologetically flamboyant, but always kind and understanding. This person chooses to be themselves, not who they’re expected to be. 

They don’t care about the world’s expectations. This sometimes gets them into trouble or attracts judging glares from nearby strangers. But, you have to admit, it would be nice to have that kind of self-confidence . And you can!

In a world rife with expectations, living authentically can feel impossible. It feels easier to have your path planned for you. But, in the long run, this will only hold you back from living a fulfilling life.

The great philosopher Socrates said it himself: “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” 

So if you’re wondering whether authenticity is worth pursuing, the short answer is “yes.” And, for the detail-oriented among you, here’s everything you need to know about the importance of knowing yourself — so you too can find your true self.

Knowing yourself is about discovering what makes you tick. Among other things, it means:

• Learning your likes and dislikes
• Unearthing your beliefs and values
• Knowing your personal boundaries
• Accepting your personality traits
• Being a better team player
• Having a clearer path in your professional life
• Understanding how you interact with others
• Recognizing your core personal values
• Increasing your capacity for self-compassion
• Having a clearer idea of your life’s purpose
• Knowing what it takes to be self-motivated
• Being more adaptable  

Ultimately, all of these things will increase your self-awareness . Being more self-aware lends to enhanced self-development, acceptance, and proactivity while benefiting our overall mental health .

We’ll be more confident, make better decisions, have stronger relationships, and be more honest .

Knowing yourself is about knowing what makes you tick. It means identifying what matters to you, your strengths and weaknesses, your behaviors, tendencies, and thought patterns. This list describes the importance and benefits of knowing one's self:

1. Despite your quirks, flaws, and insecurities, you learn self-love and acceptance. Once you do, you can walk through the world with more confidence and care less about what people think. 

2. You can change your personality flaws and improve on your weaknesses. You are empowered to become who you want to be. This will help you become a better, more well-rounded person.

3. You’ll have more emotional intelligence , which is key to knowing others. You’ll be more conscious of your own emotions and feelings, making it easier to understand another person's point of view.

4. You'll be more confident. Self-doubt disappears when you know and accept yourself, and others won't influence you as easily. It'll be easier to stand your ground .

5. You’ll forge better relationships. It’s easier to share yourself when you know yourself. You’ll also know what kind of people you get along with, so you can find your community .

6. You’ll be less stressed. Self-awareness will help you make decisions that are better for you. And when this happens, you become less stressed about what people think or whether you made the right choice. 

7. You’ll break patterns of disappointment. Y ou'll find repetitive behaviors that lead to poor outcomes when you look inward. Once you name them, you can break them.

8. You’ll be happier. Expressing who you are, loud and proud, will help you improve your well-being.

10. You'll have more self-worth. Why is self-worth important? Because it helps you avoid compromising your core values and beliefs. Valuing yourself also teaches others to respect you.

11. You'll understand your values. We can’t understate the importance of knowing your values. They will help you make decisions aligned with who you are and what you care about.

12. You'll find purpose in life. Knowing purpose in life will give you a clear idea of where you should go and what you should do. 

Getting to know yourself is hard. It involves deep self-reflection, honesty, and confronting parts of yourself you might be afraid of. But it’s a fundamental part of self-improvement .

If you need help, try working with a professional. BetterUp can help you navigate your inner world.

Now that we’re clear on the importance of knowing yourself, you might not know where to get started. Let’s get into it.

Check your VITALS

Author Meg Selig coined the term VITALS as a guide for developing self-knowledge. Its letters spell out the six core pillars of self-understanding:

These are your guides for decision-making and setting your goals. Understanding them will help you make decisions aligned with your authentic self. Here are some example values:

• Being helpful
• Trust 
• Wealth 

You can see how each of these might lead to different life choices. For example, if you value honesty, you might quit a job where you have to lie to others.

2. I nterests

Your interests are what you do without being asked, like your hobbies, passions, and causes you care about. You can then try to align your work with these interests. Here are some examples:

• Climate change. If you’re passionate about this issue, you might choose to work directly on the problem. Or you can make choices that allow for a more sustainable lifestyle, like owning an electric car.
• Audio editing. Perhaps you’re an amateur musician, and you spend your time recording and editing audio. You can start working as a freelance editor or find a job that uses these skills.
• Fitness. If you love working out and value helping others, you might consider becoming a trainer at your local gym or leading a running group.

Not all of your interests need to be a side-hustle . But being aware of them can help you make decisions that better suit your desired life. It is really about knowing your priorities.

3. T emperament

Your temperament describes where your energy comes from. You might be an introvert and value being alone. Or, as an extrovert, you find energy being around others.

Knowing your temperament will help you communicate your needs to others. 

If you’re a meticulous planner going on a trip, you should communicate this to your more spontaneous travel buddy. They might feel suffocated by your planning, leading to arguments down the road. Bringing it up before your trip will help talk it out to avoid conflict later.

4. A round-the-clock activities

This refers to when you like to do things. If you’re a writer and you’re more creative at night, carve out time in the evening to work. If you prefer working out in the morning, make it happen. Aligning your schedule with your internal clock will make you a happier human being.

5. L ife-mission and goals

Knowing your life mission is about knowing what gives your life meaning. It gives you purpose, a vocation , and something to strive for.

To find your life mission, think about what events were most meaningful to you so far. For example:

• Leading a successful project at the office
• Influencing positive change through your work
• Helping someone else succeed

There are many ways to fulfill a life mission. You can fulfill your goals with the skills and resources you have. For example, “helping someone succeed” could mean becoming a teacher or mentoring a young professional.

6. S trengths and weaknesses

These include both “hard skills” (like industry-specific knowledge and talents) and “soft skills” (like communication or emotional intelligence ).

When you do what you’re good at, you’re more likely to succeed, which will improve your morale and mental health.

Knowing your weaknesses and toxic traits will help you improve on them or minimize their influence on your life.

Are you ready to get started? There are many ways to understand your inner self:

• Write in a journal
• Step out of your comfort zone
• Track your progress
• Choose smart habits

A professional coach will encourage you to reflect on and reframe your inner thoughts and patterns. They understand that, in many cases, impulsivity holds you back from attaining your full potential.

The amygdala — an almond-sized region of the brain partially responsible for emotions — releases dopamine to reinforce impulsive behavior . This happens every time you open Facebook instead of working, eat chocolate while on a diet, or get angry at your colleagues instead of helping solve the problem.

Self-awareness can help you overcome your impulsivity. Armed with the right tools, you can break unhealthy or unwanted behaviors. 

A coach can help you meet these ends. They can teach you:

• Mindfulness: the acceptance that nothing is inherently good or bad 
• Metacognition: the awareness that your mind is the root of your actions
• Reframing: the power to react differently to an event or circumstance

These three elements can help you strengthen your self-control . You'll keep a cool head in stressful situations, communicate more effectively with others, and become a better leader overall.

In other words: by checking in with yourself, you avoid wrecking yourself.

At BetterUp , our coaches are trained in Inner Work® and understand the importance of knowing yourself. This is a lifetime journey. But together, we can make your life better.

Discover your authentic self

Kickstart your path to self-discovery and self-awareness. Our coaches can guide you to better understand yourself and your potential.

Allaya Cooks-Campbell

With over 15 years of content experience, Allaya Cooks Campbell has written for outlets such as ScaryMommy, HRzone, and HuffPost. She holds a B.A. in Psychology and is a certified yoga instructor as well as a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Allaya is passionate about whole-person wellness, yoga, and mental health.

The benefits of knowing yourself: Why you should become your own best friend

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August 7, 2018 | Kenneth Best - UConn Communications

Know Thyself: The Philosophy of Self-Knowledge

Dating back to an ancient Greek inscription, the injunction to 'know thyself' has encouraged people to engage in a search for self-understanding. Philosophy professor Mitchell Green discusses its history and relevance to the present.

From Socrates to today's undergraduates, philosophy professor Mitchell Green discusses the history and current relevance of the human quest for self-knowledge. (Getty Images)

UConn philosopher Mitchell S. Green leads a Massive Open Online Course (MOOC) titled Know Thyself: The Value and Limits of Self-Knowledge  on the online learning platform Coursera. The course is based on his 2018 book (published by Routledge) of the same name. He recently spoke with Ken Best of UConn Today about the philosophy and understanding of self-knowledge. This is an edited transcript of their discussion.

Q. ‘Know Thyself’ was carved into stone at the entrance to Apollo’s temple at Delphi in Greece, according to legend. Scholars, philosophers, and civilizations have debated this question for a long time. Why have we not been able to find the answer?

A. I’m not sure that every civilization or even most civilizations have taken the goal to achieve self-knowledge as being among the most important ones. It comes and goes. It did have cachet in the Greece of 300-400 BC. Whether it had similar cachet 200 years later or had something like cultural importance in the heyday of Roman civilization is another question. Of course some philosophers would have enjoined people to engage in a search for self-understanding; some not so much. Likewise, think about the Middle Ages. There’s a case in which we don’t get a whole lot of emphasis on knowing the self, instead the focus was on knowing God. It’s only when Descartes comes on the scene centuries later that we begin to get more of a focus on introspection and understanding ourselves by looking within. Also, the injunction to “know thyself” is not a question, and would have to be modified in some way to pose a question. However, suppose the question is, “Is it possible to know oneself, either in part or fully.” In that case, I’d suggest that we’ve made considerable progress in answering this question over the last two millennia, and in the Know Thyself book, and in the MOOC of the same name, I try to guide readers and students through some of what we have learned.

Q. You point out that the shift Descartes brought about is a turning point in Western philosophy.

A. Right. It’s for various reasons cultural, political, economic, and ideological that the norm of self-knowledge has come and gone with the tides through Western history. Even if we had been constantly enjoined to achieve self-knowledge for the 2,300 years since the time Socrates spoke, just as Sigmund Freud said about civilization – that civilization is constantly being created anew and everyone being born has to work their way up to being civilized being – so, too, the project of achieving self-knowledge is a project for every single new member of our species. No one can be given it at birth. It’s not an achievement you get for free like a high IQ or a prominent chin. Continuing to beat that drum, to remind people of the importance of that, is something we’ll always be doing. I’m doubtful we’ll ever reach a point we can all say: Yup, we’re good on that. We’ve got that covered, we’ve got self-knowledge down. That’s a challenge for each of us, every time somebody is born. I would also say, given the ambient, environmental factors as well as the predilections that we’re born with as part of our cognitive and genetic nature, there are probably pressures that push against self-knowledge as well. For instance, in the book I talk about the cognitive immune system that tends to make us spin information in our own favor. When something goes bad, there’s a certain part of us, hopefully within bounds, that tends to see the glass as half full rather than half empty. That’s probably a good way of getting yourself up off the floor after you’ve been knocked down.

Q. Retirement planners tell us you’re supposed to know yourself well enough to know what your needs are going to be – create art or music, or travel – when you have all of your time to use. At what point should that point of getting to know yourself better begin?

A. I wouldn’t encourage a 9-year-old to engage in a whole lot of self-scrutiny, but I would say even when you’re young some of those indirect, especially self-distancing, types of activities, can be of value. Imagine a 9-year-old gets in a fight on the playground and a teacher asks him: Given what you said to the other kid that provoked the fight, if he had said that to you, how would you feel? That might be intended to provoke an inkling of self-knowledge – if not in the form of introspection, in the form of developing empathetic skills, which I think is part of self-knowledge because it allows me to see myself through another’s eyes. Toward the other end of the lifespan, I’d also say in my experience lots of people who are in, or near, retirement have the idea they’re going to stop working and be really happy. But I find in some cases that this expectation is not realistic because so many people find so much fulfillment, and rightly so, in their work. I would urge people to think about what it is that gives them satisfaction? Granted we sometimes find ourselves spitting nails as we think about the challenges our jobs present to us. But in some ways that frequent grumbling, the kind of hair-pulling stress and so forth, these might be part of what makes life fulfilling. More importantly, long-term projects, whether as part of one’s career or post-career, tend I think to provide more intellectual and emotional sustenance than do the more ephemeral activities such as cruises, safaris, and the like.

Q. We’re on a college campus with undergraduates trying to learn more about themselves through what they’re studying. They’re making decisions on what they might want to do with the rest of their life, taking classes like philosophy that encourage them to think about this. Is this an optimal time for this to take place?

A. For many students it’s an optimal time. I consider one component of a liberal arts education to be that of cultivation of the self. Learning a lot of stuff is important, but in some ways that’s just filling, which might be inert unless we give it form, or structure. These things can be achieved through cultivation of the self, and if you want to do that you have to have some idea of how you want it to grow and develop, which requires some inkling of what kind of person you think you are and what you think you can be. Those are achievements that students can only attain by trying things and seeing what happens. I am not suggesting that a freshman should come to college and plan in some rigorous and lockstep way to learn about themselves, cultivate themselves, and bring themselves into fruition as some fully formed adult upon graduation. Rather, there is much more messiness; much more unpredictable try things, it doesn’t work, throw it aside, try something else. In spite of all that messiness and ambient chaos, I would also say in the midst of that there is potential for learning about yourself; taking note of what didn’t go well, what can I learn from that? Or that was really cool, I’d like to build on that experience and do more of it. Those are all good ways of both learning about yourself and constructing yourself. Those two things can go hand-in-hand. Self-knowledge, self-realization, and self-scrutiny can happen, albeit in an often messy and unpredictable way for undergraduates. It’s also illusory for us to think at age 22 we can put on our business clothes and go to work and stop with all that frivolous self-examination. I would urge that acquiring knowledge about yourself, understanding yourself is a lifelong task.

Q. There is the idea that you should learn something new every day. A lot of people who go through college come to understand this, while some think after graduation, I’m done with that. Early in the book, you talk about Socrates’ defense of himself when accused of corrupting students by teaching them in saying: I know what I don’t know, which is why I ask questions.

It seems to me the beginning of wisdom of any kind, including knowledge of ourselves, is acknowledgment of the infirmity of our beliefs and the paucity of our knowledge. — Mitchell S. Green

A. That’s very important insight on his part. That’s something I would be inclined to yell from the rooftops, in the sense that one big barrier to achieving anything in the direction of self-knowledge is hubris, thinking that we do know, often confusing our confidence in our opinions with thinking that confidence is an indication of my degree of correctness. We feel sure, and take that surety itself to be evidence of the truth of what we think. Socrates is right to say that’s a cognitive error, that’s fallacious reasoning. We should ask ourselves: Do I know what I take myself to know? It seems to me the beginning of wisdom of any kind, including knowledge of ourselves, is acknowledgment of the infirmity of our beliefs and the paucity of our knowledge; the fact that opinions we have might just be opinions. It’s always astonishing to me the disparity between the confidence with which people express their opinions, on one hand, and the negligible ability they have to back them up, especially those opinions that go beyond just whether they’re hungry or prefer chocolate over vanilla. Those are things over which you can probably have pretty confident opinions. But when it comes to politics or science, history or human psychology, it’s surprising to me just how gullible people are, not because they believe what other people say, so to speak, but rather they believe what they themselves say. They tend to just say: Here is what I think. It seems obvious to me and I’m not willing to even consider skeptical objections to my position.

Q. You also bring into the fold the theory of adaptive unconscious – that we observe and pick up information but we don’t realize it at the time. How much does that feed into people thinking that they know themselves better than they do and know more than they think they do?

A. It’s huge. There’s a chapter in the book on classical psychoanalysis and Freud. I argue that the Freudian legacy is a broken one, in the sense that while his work is incredibly interesting – he made a lot of provocative and ingenious claims interesting – surprisingly few of them have been borne out with empirical evidence. This is a less controversial view than it was in the past. Experimental psychologists in the 1970s and 80s began to ask how many of those Freudian claims about the unconscious can be established in a rigorous, experimental way? The theory of the adaptive unconscious is an attempt to do that; to find out how much of the unconscious mind that Freud posited is real, and what is it like. One of the main findings is that the unconscious mind is not quite as bound up, obsessed with, sexuality and violence as posited by Freud. It’s still a very powerful system, but not necessarily a thing to be kept at bay in the way psychoanalysis would have said. According to Freud, a great deal with the unconscious poses a constant threat to the well-functioning of civilized society, whereas for people like Tim Wilson, Tanya Chartrand, Daniel Gilbert, Joseph LeDoux, Paul Ekman, and many others, we’ve got a view that says that in many ways having an adaptive unconsciousness is a useful thing, an outsourcing of lots of cognition. It allows us to process information, interpret it, without having to consciously, painstakingly, and deliberately calculate things. It’s really good in many ways that we have adaptive unconscious. On the other hand, it tends to predispose us, for example, to things like prejudice. Today there is a discussion about so-called implicit bias, which has taught us that because we grew up watching Hollywood movies where protagonist heroes were white or male, or both; saw stereotypes in advertising that have been promulgated – that experience, even if I have never had a consciously bigoted, racist, or sexist thought in my life, can still cause me to make choices that are biased. That’s a part of the message on the theory of adaptive unconscious we would want to take very seriously and be worried about, because it can affect our choices in ways that we’re not aware of.

Q. With all of this we’ve discussed, what kind of person would know themselves well?

A. Knowing oneself well would, I suspect, be a multi-faceted affair, only one part of which would have to do with introspection as that notion is commonly understood. One of these facets involves acknowledging your limitations, “owning them” as my Department of Philosophy colleague Heather Battaly would put it. Those limitations can be cognitive – my lousy memory that distorts information, my tendency to sugarcoat any bad news I may happen to receive? Take the example of a professor reading student evaluations. It’s easy to forget the negative ones and remember the positive ones – a case of “confirmation bias,” as that term is used in psychology. Knowing that I tend to do that, if that’s what I tend to do, allows me to take a second look, as painful as it might be. Again, am I overly critical of others? Do I tend to look at the glass as overly half full or overly half empty? Those are all limitations of the emotional kind, or at least have an important affective dimension. I suspect a person who knows herself well knows how to spot the characteristic ways in which she “spins” or otherwise distorts positive or negative information, and can then step back from such reactions, rather than taking them as the last word.

I’d also go back to empathy, knowing how to see things from another person’s point of view. It is not guaranteed to, but is often apt to allow me to see myself more effectively, too. If I can to some extent put myself into your shoes, then I also have the chance to be able to see myself through your eyes and that might get me to realize things difficult to see from the first-person perspective. Empathizing with others who know me might, for instance, help to understand why they sometimes find me overbearing, cloying, or quick to judge.

Q. What would someone gain in self-knowledge by listening to someone appraising them and speaking to them about how well they knew them? How does that dynamic help?

A. It can help, but it also can be shocking. Experiments have suggested other people’s assessments of an individual can often be very out of line with that person’s self-assessment. It’s not clear those other person’s assessments are less accurate – in some cases they’re more accurate – as determined by relatively well-established objective psychological assessments. Third-person assessments can be both difficult to swallow – bitter medicine – and also extremely valuable. Because they’re difficult to swallow, I would suggest taking them in small doses. But they can help us to learn about ourselves such things as that we can be unaccountably solicitous, or petty, or prone to one-up others, or thick-skinned. I’ve sometimes found myself thinking while speaking to someone, “If you could hear yourself talking right now, you might come to realize …” Humblebragging is a case in point, in which someone is ostensibly complaining about a problem, but the subtext of what they’re saying might be self-promoting as well.

All this has implications for those of us who teach. At the end of the semester I encourage my graduate assistants to read course evaluations; not to read them all at once, but instead try to take one suggestion from those evaluations that they can work on going into the next semester. I try to do the same. I would not, however, expect there ever to be a point at which one could say, “Ah! Now I fully know myself.” Instead, this is more likely a process that we can pursue, and continue to benefit from, our entire lives.

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20 Importance of Knowing Yourself: A Guide to Self-Discovery

Sanju Pradeepa

Whether you’re starting a new business, tackling a new job, or embarking on a personal project, the question of success is almost always looming. Do you have what it takes to make it big? 

You may have sought advice from mentors and business gurus; you may be trying to follow in the footsteps of your heroes; and you may have read up on every book and article out there.

But here’s the thing: no matter how much information or knowledge you’ve accumulated, none of it matters if you don’t know one important thing: yourself . Knowing yourself is essential to any sort of success, regardless of what that looks like for you.

Why is knowing yourself so important? Everyone is looking for a little encouragement to move forward in their lives. No matter what stage you are at, it’s the same for every person. If you know who you are, you will gradually learn to accept the way you are, develop faith in yourself, forgive yourself, and know your strengths and weaknesses.

There are so many benefits. Self-knowledge can boost your self-confidence while reducing your self-doubt . Exploring yourself is a great way to promote personal development. Remember, knowing yourself is not the end of your journey. It is the first step to beginning your successful journey.

In this guide, I’ll answer all the questions about self-discovery that you’ve been wanting to ask. I’ll explain what it means to know yourself, how to get started on this journey of exploration, and give examples from my own experience.

By the end of this guide, you’ll have a new perspective on life as well as a clearer understanding of who you are and what makes you unique.

What do you mean by knowing yourself?

Importance of knowing yourself.

• 1. Knowing yourself simplify the decision-making.
• 2. Increased self-confidence.
• 3. A great way to express yourself.
• 4. It teaches you to understand others.
• 5. You’ll have a clearer vision of what success looks like for you.
• 6. Less stress and anxiety in your life.
• 7. It helps to improve relationships.
• 8. Self-knowledge teach you to love yourself.
• 9. Lead to faith in yourself.
• 10. Acknowledging one’s true self will value their self-worth.
• 11. Helps to find the better version of yourself.

12. Enhanced creativity.

• 13. Greater resilience.
• 14. Improve mood.

15. You will be happier.

• 16. Develop the courage to be disliked and be responsible.

17. You can become more productive.

18. have a better self-control., 19. you’ll avoid mistakes faster., 20. improving the communication., 1. spend the time with yourself., 2. live in the moment, 3. be honest with yourself, 4. be an observer., 5. find what makes you happy, 6. make a self-care plan, 7. talk to people who know you well, 1. pre-conceived notions, 2. fear of change, 3. outside influences, 4. fear of the unknown, 5. comfort zone, final thought.

Gaining knowledge of yourself entails learning and comprehending your thoughts, beliefs, weaknesses, strengths, and behaviors in various situations. Knowing who you are is important because you cannot love something you do not know or if you do not know yourself.

There is no way to be happy, no way to feel like everything is exactly right. The only way to truly know who you are is to accept and choose who you are.

Learning about yourself does not only mean you know about your favorite food, drink, hobby, dreams , or other personal things. It is just a part of your knowledge about yourself.

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. Aristotle

When it comes to self-discovery, there are many paths you can take. Knowing yourself can mean different things to different people. There’s no single definition. It’s a lifelong exploration of who you are and what you value.

At its core, knowing yourself is about

– Understanding your identity: your capabilities and limitations, your likes and dislikes, your beliefs and values.

– Understanding how you fit into the world around yo, and building a sense of comfort with that sense of self.

– Recognizing the areas where you can grow and develop, both mentally and physically.

– Accepting yourself for who you are

– Cultivating self-compassion allows you to have empathy for yourself when things don’t go as planned instead of judging or beating yourself up for mistakes or disappointment

– Understanding areas in your life which need improvement and how to prioritize them. This is similar to a person having a roadmap for their life so that they can be on track with whatever goals they have set for themselves.

Ever wonder why some people can land amazing jobs, take great risks, or make bold decisions without seemingly breaking a sweat? It all comes down to one important thing: knowing yourself. Understanding your values, strengths, weaknesses, and goals is the foundation for going after the life that you want for yourself.

Self-discovery can empower you to find new paths and make better choices. It can give you the confidence to go after what you want, and the insight to develop meaningful connections with the people around you.

By understanding yourself more, you become more creative, think more critically and explore things in ways that make sense for who you are; all of which helps create a clearer picture of where you’re going.

Moreover, knowledge about yourself also allows for an overall improvement in wellbeing–mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually which is an essential part of a quality lifestyle. It’s an opportunity for personal growth by learning about likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses all of which lead to a greater sense of fulfillment.

Ultimately, true self-knowledge will guide life decisions towards the most beneficial outcomes for your growth and happiness . Knowing yourself is essential for living your most authentic life.

The benefits of knowing yourself

Do you want to get to know yourself better? When you understand yourself and accept your authentic self, you gain many mental and emotional benefits. So, what are the advantages of self-discovery?

1. Knowing yourself simplify the decision-making .

Decision-making can be difficult at times due to the conflicting standards in our hearts and minds. When you try to make a decision, it will become like a war between the heart and the mind.

As your understanding of who you are deepens, so does your ability to make wiser decisions that reflect what matters most to YOU. You’ll be more likely to choose activities that will help bring out the best version of “you” as well as align with what will make you happy because when it comes down to it that is much more important than anything else.

2. Increased self-confidence .

Self-discovery helps you be more comfortable in your own skin. As you become more aware of yourself and your personality , quirks, values and strengths, your sense of confidence will naturally increase.

And the more self-assured you become, the easier it is to take risks and make positive changes like engaging in a healthier lifestyle or pursuing a career path that aligns with who you truly are.

3. A great way to express yourself .

One of the most important things is when you know about yourself, you can be courage enough to express your true self . The self-confidence it takes to tell others who you are while holding your head high is amazing. When you have that confidence to be a straightforward person, you will be a great person who is respected by the people around you .

4. It teaches you to understand others .

If you cannot understand or know yourself, you won’t be able to get to know or understand others.

SWOT, have you ever heard about this concept? It is a concept of an analysis that is used to identify the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. Know thyself is also an analytical concept that can assist you in identifying yourself.

Therefore, it will help you identify and understand other feelings and emotions in a proper way.

5. You’ll have a clearer vision of what success looks like for you .

You’ll have a clearer vision of what success looks like for you personally and professionally (and how much time/money this will take). This means that if there’s something that needs changing in your life right now but doesn’t seem important enough yet (or maybe even seems like it might not work out), then maybe there’s something else going on in your life right now that needs changing before we can move forward with this one thing with the help of your self-knowledge.

6. Less stress and anxiety in your life .

You’ll have more control over your emotions, which means less stress and anxiety in your life and allowing them to flow more easily when they do arise instead of becoming bottled up inside until they explode out of control at some point down the road (hopefully never)

7. It helps to improve relationships .

Knowing who you are strengthens the bonds that you have with others. It also helps develop greater relationship s with others. When you know your likes, dislikes, passions, and purpose in life, it becomes easier to communicate and express yourself correctly with those around you.

Plus, understanding yourself better can help build trust within yourself and your relationships because if you don’t trust or respect the person staring at you in the mirror, it’s going to be hard for someone else to do it either.

8. Self-knowledge teach you to love yourself .

Self-knowledge has the ability to make you fall in love with yourself. Sometimes it is very hard to love yourself because of different reasons. Like you cannot accept the person who used to be in the past or due to the negative-minded personality that still does not leave you.

However, learning about yourself allows you to love yourself.

9. Lead to faith in yourself .

When you begin to know the power of knowing yourself, it is a huge conceptual way to change your life. as it leads you to build faith in yourself. When you start believing in yourself, no matter how difficult the situation, you will no longer be held back by fear . It will help you to love and faith in yourself unconditionally.

10. Acknowledging one’s true self will value their self-worth .

Sometimes we suffer because we do not know our value. We think we are not worthy enough. Self-worth is very essential for a person to live a better life. If you want to truly know your self-worth , value yourself by knowing who you are.

11. Helps to find the better version of yourself .

It is the most effective way to guide yourself in the right direction. Starting to know yourself configure your passions , weakness and the skills you need to develop to find the better version of yourself.

To become a better version of oneself, one must be able to make sound decisions, have faith in oneself, recognize one’s own worth, love and believe in oneself, and learn and understand oneself.

By the way, you can find your personal vision to be successful person.

If you believe that nothing will work for you because you are not deserving, try to understand the value of knowing yourself.

Understanding and learning the power of knowing yourself gives you the clarity and the sense of eternity to no longer be dependent on just your physical appearance.

It can give rise to new creative ideas or solutions when tackling a problem head-on.

13. Greater resilience .

Knowing yourself allows you to handle life’s challenges better as you have a better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses.

14. Improve mood .

Understanding yourself can provide insight into what is causing negative thoughts or behaviors that may be contributing to a bad mood or decreased sense of wellbeing.

You will be happier because now it won’t matter if someone else doesn’t like something about you or if they don’t approve of what you’re doing or saying. Rather than letting these things bother us so much, we can simply move on with our lives, knowing that no one else can affect our happiness except ourselves.

You’ll be happier overall because you won’t feel like a victim of circumstance or other people’s emotions. Instead, you’ll see yourself as an agent in your own life who has choices about how he or she wants things to go — even if those choices aren’t always easy ones.

16. Develop the courage to be disliked and be responsible .

This is very important. This will help you find yourself. The perspectives, behaviors, and skills of the people in the world are not the same.

Self-knowledge helps one be responsible for one’s actions .

What if you waste your life just to satisfy the opinions of others? So, remember, life is too short to be responsible for the happiness of every person in the world.

Self-awareness allows us to see where we are doing well and where we need improvement, so we can focus our efforts where they will yield the greatest results.

This also helps us realize when we’re being self-conscious or negative about ourselves (which leads to procrastination), thus freeing up time for other activities that are more important than any one task at hand (like spending time with loved ones).

Self-control is your ability to control your thoughts, feelings, impulses, and behavior. People who have high levels of self-control are able to resist temptation and delay gratification when necessary — something that can be useful in all areas of life.

When we don’t know ourselves well enough (or at all), we often make decisions based on what others want rather than what’s best for ourselves or how we feel about something — which can lead us into trouble later on down the line.

Self-knowledge helps us make better choices because it allows us to understand our own motivations and feelings better so we can make better decisions about matters like career advancement.

As self-awareness enabling you to recognize and control your reactions, feelings and emotions not just in the present moment, but in how such feelings inform your relationships with other people it improves the communication between you and those around you.

How did you get to know yourself?

How do you answer if somebody asks you how to get to know yourself?

• Be honest with yourself
• find the things which make you happy
• why do you want to be a better person
• find your goals
• which types of people you admire or surrounded with

When you stand in front of a mirror, you will see yourself (your physical appearance) in that mirror. But do you know that when you begin to know yourself, you will see the person inside yourself? It may be difficult to find or take the time to find what you are looking for. When you learn the power of knowing yourself, it will surely be able to brighten your life.

Let’s find a way to embark on the journey of self-discovery.

The best way to know yourself is to know what is inside your mind. Here I will suggest some tips for learning about yourself by spending time with yourself.

• Engaging in different hobbies like reading, journal writing, listening to music, or any other simple and easy one, which can make you enjoy, you will be able to find the time.
• Things you have instead of worrying the things you did not.
• Try to be a positive minded as always without being controlled by negativity.
• Try to talk to yourself.

Without worrying about the past or the future, try to focus on the present moment. To live freely and enjoy the moment you have to be happy, you need to find yourself. Otherwise, you will miss a great opportunity.

That means you should not lie to yourself. When you know exactly who you are but never want to accept who you are, you will be able to live freely. So never be afraid to accept who you are. You never wanted to lie to yourself.

Accepting yourself as you are does not prevent you from evolving into a better version of yourself. It makes you find the options to find the blocks that drag you backward. Never lie to yourself to escape from the harsh truth.

Being an observer is essential and beneficial in all aspects of your life. With that ability, you’ll be able to start observing your life pattern and what abilities, attitudes , and behaviors you still need to work on. And also, the people around you, your mood, how to find the person inside you, everything about yourself.

In order to know yourself, first you must find the things that make you happy. People seek their happiness to make others happy, not knowing that life is too short. (Here we talk about seeking happiness to find the life goal for another person’s expectations about our lives. Something like, not about helping others)

It’s important to take care of yourself if you want to be your best self. Make a list of things that bring you joy or make you feel good and make sure they’re part of your daily routine. This could include anything from journaling and meditating to going on long walks or listening to music.

Talk with people who might know more about you than even you do; your close friends, family members, mentors, etc. and get their insights on who you are. Ask them questions about the choices that have helped shape yourself and your life, as well as any advice they’d give someone like yourself.

Barriers That Prevent Us From Knowing Ourselves

You know that knowing yourself is essential to success, but you may not know why. The truth is, it’s often the barriers that prevent us from really understanding ourselves and our motivations that can prove to be the most challenging.

We all have pre-conceived notions about who we are; for example, we might feel like we always have to be the “good kid” or the “smart one.” These expectations can hold us back from exploring our true potential and authentic desires.

When exploring ourselves and our motivations, sometimes we have to accept things about ourselves, including negative traits that we don’t like. This often creates a fear of change in us, as it’s scary to confront those things about yourself and make changes.

Finally, outside influences can impact how well we know ourselves. Social pressures, family expectations, and societal norms can all lead us down a path that’s not necessarily best for our own personal growth and success . It’s important to remove these outside influences and focus on getting to know your true self.

By recognizing the barriers that stand between you and knowing yourself better, you will be able to overcome them and start the journey of learning who you really are.

Sometimes we find it hard to get to know ourselves because we are afraid of what we will discover. We may fear that we’ll uncover weaknesses or aspects of ourselves that make us feel ashamed, so we avoid the discomfort by sticking our heads in the sand.

But true self-discovery comes when we embrace our fears , embracing all aspects of ourselves even those parts that may be debilitating or uncomfortable.

It’s easy for us to stick with what is familiar (activities, friends, jobs) since it gives us a sense of comfort and security. But if you don’t take the time to venture out and try new things, how will you really get to know yourself? You need to push those boundaries and explore beyond your comfort zone in order for true self-discovery to occur.

Self-discovery is a never-ending journey. No matter how you change, it is very necessary to learn about and understand yourself throughout your life. 

Knowing yourself is a lifelong journey, and like any journey, it requires intentionality and focus. It requires understanding yourself and the things that make you unique, the things that make you tick, the things that bring you joy and the moments that fill you with peace. It also requires being honest with yourself, facing your fears and being brave enough to reach for the impossible.

Ultimately, it’s not about finding answers. It’s about learning to be comfortable with uncertainty and cultivating an inner stillness that allows you to navigate life with a sense of clarity, purpose, and joy. Take moments out of your day to ask yourself questions, reflect on your life, and explore the depths of your soul.

Self-discovery is not a destination, it’s a process. Embrace the journey and you’ll find yourself in a deeper relationship with yourself than you ever thought possible.

 Best of luck for your journey to discover the person inside you. I’m sure the journey will be amazing.

• Know Thy Self — Really by BY QUASSIM CASSAM – New York Times Magazine
• The surprising benefits of talking to yourself – By Paloma Mari-Beffa, The Conversation published on CNN.com
• The Importance of Knowing Yourself: Your Key to Fulfillment published in betterup.com by   Allaya Cooks-Campbell
• How To Know Yourself | Jordan Peterson | Best Life Advic
• Books to help you get to know yourself better by  Ali Roff Farrar (2021)published in Panmacmillan

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Knowing Myself: Unraveling the Self

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Knowing Yourself Better

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“Who am I?”

“How do others view me?”

“Do I really know myself?”

In search of your identity during your growing up years, the above were a few “normal” questions you often asked yourself. Now that you’re a grown-up, do you still find yourself grappling with such questions?

Many, at this stage of their lives, are on the journey of discovery. With that, they are still unaware of their own strengths and weaknesses.

First things first. By knowing ourselves, we are able to maintain a balanced life personally and professionally because we will then know what motivates us, and what does not.

Also, when we recognise our strengths and weaknesses, we tend to make better decisions in our daily choices as we are more focused on what we want to achieve.

So, here are a few simple tips on how you can develop self-awareness by identifying your strengths and weaknesses.

“ When you’re different , sometimes you don’t see the millions of people who accept you for what you are. All you notice is the person who doesn’t .” – Jodi Picoult

Take some time to write them down

Set aside at least 10 to 15 minutes to list down all your strengths and weaknesses.

Strengths are your talents or innate abilities. On the other hand, weaknesses are something you need to work on to improve yourself.

It is vital to note them down so that you are aware. By sharing the list with people you trust, they can also help you manage your weaknesses, especially in professional skills that you may be lacking.

Take baby steps to work on weaknesses

After writing them down, ponder and see what steps you can take to improve yourself. Avoid taking unrealistic big leaps to change yourself as you may not stick to them.

Instead, take small steps. For instance, set reminders on deadlines to improve your time management skill. Set daily mini-goals for yourself and you’ll find that you are capable of so much more!

“I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion.” – Billie Jean King

Identify your reactions to situations

Make it a habit to identify and reflect on your response to certain situations that you have experienced in life.

These spontaneous responses will reveal a lot about yourself in normal and intense situations.

“Some artists shrink from self-awareness, fearing that it will destroy their unique gifts and even their desire to create. The truth of the matter is quite opposite.” – James Broughton

Keep a journal

A journal helps you reflect on your life. With a journal, you are able to look back and learn from your mistakes, and take proper steps for a better future.

Constantly reflect and journal the good, the bad and the ugly. In due time, you will realise you are already becoming more self-aware!

“The mind’s first step to self-awareness must be through the body .” – George A. Sheehan

Zara Jayne is a passionate university student who aspires to be a leader who inspires the young people of today. You can drop her an email at [email protected] . For more personal articles, click here! 

From Short, Stocky To World’s Best: You Can Achieve Any Dream You Want

This article is published by the editors of Leaderonomics.com with the consent of the guest author. 

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Know Yourself? 6 Specific Ways to Know Who You Are

6 "vital signs" are key to self-understanding, career success, and happiness..

Posted March 9, 2016 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

• Learning about the aspects of one's identity can lead to greater happiness, less inner conflict, and the ability to say "no."
• Six key elements of self-knowledge are found in the acronym VITALS: Values, Interests, Temperament, Activities, Life Mission, and Strengths.
• While knowing one's "VITALS" can help a person feel freer and stronger, people constantly change and society often conflicts with one's values.

"To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom ." This famous quote is often attributed to Socrates. But what exactly do you know when you “know yourself?”

This post will reveal six elements of self-knowledge that can help you understand your own identity . As you live your daily life, you can look for clues to these important building blocks of the self.

But first, why is it important to know yourself?

The Benefits of Self-Knowledge

Maybe it’s obvious, but here, in a nutshell, are a few reasons why you might want to know your own nature:

• Happiness . You will be happier when you can express who you are. Expressing your desires will make it more likely that you get what you want.
• Less inner conflict . When your outside actions are in accordance with your inside feelings and values, you will experience less inner conflict.
• Better decision-making . When you know yourself, you are able to make better choices about everything, from small decisions like which sweater you’ll buy to big decisions like which partner you’ll spend your life with. You'll have guidelines you can apply to solve life’s varied problems.
• Self-control . When you know yourself, you understand what motivates you to resist bad habits and develop good ones. You'll have the insight to know which values and goals activate your willpower.
• Resistance to social pressure. When you are grounded in your values and preferences, you are less likely to say “yes” when you want to say “no.”
• Tolerance and understanding of others. Your awareness of your own foibles and struggles can help you empathize with others.
• Vitality and pleasure . Being who you truly are helps you feel more alive and makes your experience of life richer, larger, and more exciting.

Now that you are convinced that self-knowledge is worth having (not that you needed convincing!), we’ll move on to those "VITAL Signs" of self-knowledge.

The Building Blocks of Self: Your VITALS

The capital letters in “VITAL Signs” form an acronym for the six building blocks of the self, or VITALS, for short. The letters stand for Values, Interests, Temperament, Around-the-Clock, Life Mission and Goals, and Strengths/Skills.

“Values"—such as “helping others,” “being creative,” “health,” “financial security,” and so on—are guides to decision-making and motivators for goals. Research shows that just thinking or writing about your values can make it more likely that you take healthy actions. The motivation provided by worthwhile values can also keep you going even when you are tired, as shown in many psychology experiments. If you want to self-motivate, know your values! (For the research, click here .)

I = Interests

“Interests” include your passions, hobbies, and anything that draws your attention over a sustained period of time. To figure out your interests, ask yourself these questions: What do you pay attention to? What are you curious about? What concerns you? The focused mental state of being interested in something makes life vivid and may give you clues to your deepest passions.

Many people have built a career around a deep interest in something. For example, a friend of mine broke his leg when he was 11 years old and was so fascinated by the emergency room that he decided to become an emergency physician.

T = Temperament

“Temperament” describes your inborn preferences. Do you restore your energy from being alone ( introvert ) or from being with people ( extrovert )? Are you a planner or go-with-the-flow type of person? Do you make decisions more on the basis of feelings or thoughts and facts? Do you prefer details or big Ideas? Knowing the answers to temperament questions like these could help you gravitate toward situations in which you could flourish and avoid situations in which you could wilt.

In the 60s, spontaneity was valued over planning. I tried hard to go with the flow, but it seemed to me that I wasted a lot of time that way. Going against the grain of my own personality turned out to be a daunting task that wasn’t really worth it.

A = Around-the-Clock Activities

The “around-the-clock” category refers to when you like to do things—your biorhythms . Are you a morning person or a night person, for example? At what time of day does your energy peak? If you schedule activities when you are at your best, you are respecting your innate biology. As I look back on my life, I realize I’ve been a morning person since birth. Those fun sleepovers with girlfriends? I loved being included, but I didn’t like staying up late.

One joy of my adult life has been finding a partner with biorhythms like mine. We wake up early and go to bed early; we both get snappy unless we eat three square meals a day. We hate brunch. While the idea of biorhythm preferences may sound trivial compared to lofty qualities of the self like “values,” your daily life is more pleasant when you are in sync with your biology. In every area, it’s easier to enjoy life when you don’t waste energy pretending to be someone you aren’t.

L = Life Mission and Meaningful Goals

“What have been the most meaningful events of your life?” This was a question I liked to ask when students would see me for career counseling at the community college where I worked. One woman of about 40 years old got teary-eyed as she tried to answer. “Recently,” she told me, “I found it incredibly meaningful to care for my aging father as he declined and went into hospice. I was able to be there and hold his hand when he died.” As we talked about the difficulties and rewards of her father’s last days, she had an “aha” moment and realized she wanted to become a hospice nurse. (She accomplished her goal and was one of the leaders of her class.)

Ask yourself the same question: “What have been the most meaningful events of your life?” You may discover clues to your hidden identity, to your career, and to life satisfaction.

S = Strengths

"Strengths" can include not only abilities, skills, and talents, but also character strengths such as loyalty, respect for others, love of learning, emotional intelligence , fairness, and more. Knowing your strengths is one of the foundations of self-confidence ; not being able to acknowledge your own superpowers could put you on the path to low self-esteem . Become a person who “takes in the good,” listening for compliments and noticing skills that could be clues to your strengths. Here's an example: An acquaintance tells you that she loves the soothing sound of your voice. What could you do with that knowledge? Likewise, knowing your weaknesses can help you be honest with yourself and others about what you are not good at. You might decide either to work on those weaknesses or try to make them a smaller part of your personal or professional life.

Being True to You

Even if you know your "VITAL Signs," it’s hard to remain true to yourself because you are constantly changing and because society’s values often conflict with your own. I love this quote from fellow habits author Gretchen Rubin:

"My first commandment is to “Be Gretchen”—yet it’s very hard to know myself. I get so distracted by the way I wish I were, or the way I assume I am, that I lose sight of what’s actually true."

For all of us, being yourself sounds easier than it actually is. But there are a few signposts. When you’ve made a discovery about one of your "VITAL Signs," you’ll feel a sense of excitement. Acting on self-knowledge will give you energy and save you energy. You’ll feel freer and stronger because you no longer conform to how you “should” feel, think, or act. For example, I can remember my relief when I realized I was an introvert. How comforting it was to give myself the gift of time alone without wondering if I were a freak of nature!

This week, pay attention to these six aspects of your personality. What do you notice?

© Meg Selig, 2016.

To clarify your values, take a look at my chapter on "The 8 Great Motivators:" Selig, M. Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success (Routledge, 2009).

Rubin, G. Better Than Before (Crown, 2015)

Meg Selig is the author of Changepower! 37 Secrets to Habit Change Success .

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October 6, 2023

Know Yourself Better by Writing What Pops into Your Head

The exercise of writing down unfiltered thoughts enhances self-knowledge

By Christiane Gelitz

Ems-Forster-Productions/Getty Images

For decades, physician and author Silke Heimes has been leading groups in therapeutic exercises to put thoughts and feelings down on paper. Heimes, a professor of journalism at Darmstadt University of Applied Sciences,  points to abundant evidence that writing for five to 20 minutes a day can improve health, diminish stress, increase self-confidence and even kindle the imagination. A writing routine, she argues, is a form of mental hygiene that almost anyone can benefit from.

So how do you start? What happens if—as every writer fears—the page remains blank? And how do you get rid of an overcritical inner censor? Heimes, director of the Institute for Creative and Therapeutic Writing in Darmstadt, explains how to overcome inhibitions and open up your inner world.

[ An edited transcript of the interview follows .]

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If you want to write in order to understand yourself better, what's the best way to start?

There are writing exercises, for example in so-called fill-in journals, where you directly answer a question. But if I just want to get started without any aids, the best way is to use the method of automatic writing. That means I set myself a short time window, maybe five minutes, in which I write continuously without thinking, without putting down the pen or rereading what I’ve written. The goal is to get thoughts down on paper as unfiltered as possible so that an inner censor can't switch on—or at least doesn't get too loud. It helps not to set the goal too high—not to expect too much—but to understand this writing as a time-out, so to speak, or as a kind of warm-up exercise.

Wouldn’t it be helpful to ask yourself specific questions?

If you want to, you can follow programs that, for example, organize specific questions into topics. But that can also be inhibiting at times because such questions primarily get your head working to produce rational answers. Questions often steer thoughts along preconceived paths. Sometimes it is almost easier without them to let the gut lead the way.

W hat if you just can't think of anything?

The half-sentence method can help. With this approach, you complete a given half-sentence such as "When I woke up this morning” or “What happened to me today.” If you write in the morning, the [first example] is a good choice. Because everyone wakes up in the morning, everyone can think of something to say about it. The same applies to [the second example] if you write in the evening because you inevitably experienced something during the day by then. To start, you can also write down words that begin with the letters of your name and then create a text using those words.

Can anything go wrong using these methods?

Not really. Just as with thinking, you can of course get tangled up in your own thoughts or get stuck in brooding loops when writing. But that’s not the fault of the writing itself; it’s just something that becomes obvious on paper. Writing often deals with emotional issues, so you also might temporarily feel bad because something is stirred up or triggered. In that case, you should take a break and do something else or talk to someone about it. If the feeling persists, it is best to seek professional help.

Does it make a difference whether you write by hand or on a keyboard?

Writing by hand is a very complex movement that activates more areas in the brain, which leads to being more creative. It also usually means slowing down, which invites you to pause and take a breath. In addition, there is something sensual and unique about writing by hand. because, for one thing, our handwriting is very individual. And for another thing, it tells us something about our state of mind. In fact, handwriting usually becomes rounder and livelier when we are in a good mood and smaller or tighter when we are not feeling so well. Typing on the keyboard, on the other hand has a soothing quality because it is very rhythmic. Further, it has the advantage of allowing you to share your writing more quickly. I think it’s always good to have both skills and to use them.

You have guided many groups in this type of writing. How does that typically work?

We first do little writing exercises to warm up. Many people come with the expectation that they’ll sit down, and the writing will flow right away—that they’ll perform brilliantly almost off the cuff. But no athlete, no musician would expect that of themselves. Professional writers know better.

And there are other common misconceptions. The biggest one is “I can't write.” A lot of people come to my seminars with this attitude. But we can all write. Rather the problem is the often exaggerated demands we place on ourselves. I like to quote French writer André Breton, who invented automatic writing. He said, mutatis mutandis, that if you want to write, find a nice place, sit down in peace and quiet and forget about seeking out brilliant thoughts.

Is there anything else that people particularly struggle with when it comes to writing?

We’ve already talked about your own performance expectations. But what can also lead to inhibitions is the fear of emotions or of your personal history—fear of confronting possibly painful topics. And further problems usually arise when people want to put their thoughts into a literary form in order to publish them.

What if someone only produces platitudes? What if they sound banal or superficial?

Who decides that? That is a judgment that should be unacceptable in creative and therapeutic writing. Everyone expresses what is important, right and possible for them at that moment, and I think that is precisely what deserves appreciation.

What do people in your groups write about most often?

They write about the topic of self-worth—that is, the fear of not being good enough—about not being heard or seen and about the topic of freedom versus security, especially at work.

And what insights do they go home with?

That varies greatly. But they often take home a lot of pieces of paper, and that’s how they recognize that they can definitely write. They have produced something and are justifiably proud of it. This increases their self-esteem, and they develop more confidence. Writing also sharpens perception and promotes mindfulness. People notice more quickly when something is not good for them and find better ways to deal with those problems. And when thoughts go round in circles, putting them down on paper clears the mind. After that you have more capacity for other things in your life.

Can these benefits be probed empirically?

There are [hundreds] of studies on the effect of expressive or therapeutic writing. Many of them come from the psychologist James Pennebaker, who did research on this primarily with students.

Do you write a lot yourself?

Yes, every day. I work on a novel or nonfiction book every day, and I also jot down my thoughts for three minutes in the morning. These few minutes of mental hygiene are as important and natural to me as brushing my teeth every day.

This article originally appeared in Spektrum der Wissenschaft and was reproduced with permission .

Knowing Yourself: How to Improve Your Understanding of Others

Developing a better understanding of yourself may also improve your capacity to better understand the thoughts and feelings of other people, a new study from Germany suggests.

Researchers found that adults who participated in a psychology-training program to enhance their "perspective-taking" — a term psychologists use to describe the ability to understand another person's "inner world," meaning his or her thoughts, beliefs, emotions and personality — became better at understanding themselves as well as understanding others , according to the findings published online (May 16) in the Journal of Cognitive Enhancement.

The study shows there is some truth to the saying that, "You need to know yourself to understand other people," said Lukas Herrmann, one of the study authors and a researcher in social neuroscience at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciencesin Leipzig, Germany. [ 10 Things That Make Humans Special ]

Getting to know yourself more fully is not just an ego trip , Herrmann suggested. Learning how to better put yourself in other people's shoes is a useful social skill in everyday life that could also be important in promoting more cross-cultural understanding in society, the study authors wrote.   

Looking inward

In the study, the researchers looked at data collected from two groups, of about 80 adults each, who all lived in Germany and were between ages 20 and 55.

The training included a three-day retreat followed by weekly 2-hour meetings over the next three months. The participants were taught skills to develop their inner awareness . For example, they learned how to do a daily meditation exercise in which they observed the thoughts that popped into their heads without getting emotionally involved in them.

This meditation practice was designed to help participants gain more insights into the workings of their mind without reacting to it.

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A second skill the participants learned was how to identify and classify the "inner parts" of their own psyche; for example, their " inner critics ," "managers," "protectors," "helpers" or " optimists ." These may also include "happy parts," " fear parts " or "vulnerable parts."

Participants were asked to name the "inner parts" that would be activated in themselves in everyday situations, such as when playing with a child or giving an important presentation at work, Herrmann said.

During one session, the participants worked in pairs to complete an exercise in which one of them acted as the speaker and selected a recent situation that happened to him or her, but described it from the point of view of one of their inner parts. During the exercise, the other participant listened and tried to guess the inner parts the speaker was portraying, an activity that teaches perspective-taking , or understanding another person's thoughts. 

For example, one participant may have been sitting in a traffic jam and wound up late for a meeting, and in real life his "inner manager" took over his actions and behaviors. But for the sake of this exercise, he would be asked to reframe the situation from the perspective of his "inner happy child," Herrmann said. [ 10 Things You Didn't Know About You ]

By practicing this exercise regularly, participants learn how to detach from the inner parts that are automatically activated in certain situations, Herrmann told Live Science. This allows them to deal more flexibly with their typical behavior patterns, he said.

Understanding others

The study found that the more participants recognized these internal aspects of personality , the better they became in understanding the intentions and beliefs of other people.

Interestingly, participants who could identify a higher number of negative inner parts of personality were more likely to have greater improvements in understanding other people, the researchers found.

It was surprising that recognizing positive inner parts was not linked with a greater understanding of other people, Herrmann said. It seems that for most participants, identifying the negative inner parts was what really required dedication and skill, he explained.

To face your own negative inner parts, you may need to overcome inner resistance against some painful emotions , so perhaps that's why people who did face these parts developed a better understanding others, Herrmann suggested.

Although not everyone may have access to the type of training used in this study, there are other ways that people might gain similar skills and insights.

Practices such as meditation, mindfulness training , as well as other forms of self-inquiry can all be valuable experiences, Herrmann said.

But in his opinion, some of the best ways to improve your understanding of others is by "being curious, suspending preconceptions, asking questions and listening," Herrmann said.

Originally published on Live Science .

Cari Nierenberg has been writing about health and wellness topics for online news outlets and print publications for more than two decades. Her work has been published by Live Science, The Washington Post, WebMD, Scientific American, among others. She has a Bachelor of Science degree in nutrition from Cornell University and a Master of Science degree in Nutrition and Communication from Boston University.

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The Power of Knowing Yourself as a Leader

• Past: How did I get here? Review your past to gain an awareness and understanding of how other people, events, experiences and circumstances influenced and shaped how you think and act.
• Present: Where am I today? This is about gaining an understanding of your present self. Take stock of what's working and what isn't and develop a willingness to change. Having a growth mindset with an openness to receiving feedback is critical to comparing one's self-perception with the perception and perspectives of others.
• Future: Where do I want to be? With knowledge of your past and a deep understanding of your current state, you will be well positioned to focus on your future self. You'll be able to identify and focus on growth areas that will enable you to look to the future and work toward becoming your best self.

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Home / Essay Samples / Life / About Myself / Self-Discovery: Understanding and Knowing Yourself Better

Self-Discovery: Understanding and Knowing Yourself Better

• Category: Life
• Topic: About Myself , Being Yourself , Finding Yourself

Pages: 2 (726 words)

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