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Being a Helpful Person, We Help Ourselves

Categories: Actions Helpful Person Helping Others

About this sample

Words: 865 |

Published: Aug 30, 2022

Words: 865 | Pages: 2 | 5 min read

Works Cited

Grant, A. M. (2008). Does intrinsic motivation fuel the prosocial fire? Motivational synergy in predicting persistence, performance, and productivity. Journal of Applied Psychology, 93(1), 48-58.
Schwartz, B. (2019). Why we work. Simon and Schuster.
Brown, S. L., Nesse, R. M., Vinokur, A. D., & Smith, D. M. (2003). Providing social support may be more beneficial than receiving it: Results from a prospective study of mortality. Psychological Science, 14(4), 320-327.
Post, S. G. (2005). Altruism, happiness, and health: It's good to be good. International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 12(2), 66-77.
Piliavin, J. A., & Charng, H. W. (1990). Altruism: A review of recent theory and research. Annual Review of Sociology, 16(1), 27-65.
Riess, H. (2013). The science of empathy. Journal of Patient Experience, 1(2), 74-77.
Lyubomirsky, S., King, L., & Diener, E. (2005). The benefits of frequent positive affect: Does happiness lead to success? Psychological Bulletin, 131(6), 803-855.
Aknin, L. B., Barrington-Leigh, C. P., Dunn, E. W., Helliwell, J. F., Burns, J., Biswas-Diener, R., ... & Norton, M. I. (2013). Prosocial spending and well-being: Cross-cultural evidence for a psychological universal. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 104(4), 635-652.
Nelson, S. K., Layous, K., Cole, S. W., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2016). Do unto others or treat yourself? The effects of prosocial and self-focused behavior on psychological flourishing. Emotion, 16(6), 850-861.
Midlarsky, E., & Kahana, E. (1994). Altruism in later life. Sage Publications.

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Describe a Helpful Person [IELTS Speaking Part 2]

Posted by David S. Wills | Feb 23, 2019 | IELTS Tips , Speaking | 0

In today’s lesson, we are going to look at a few different IELTS speaking cue cards about people who helped you. Essentially they are all about the same thing: describe a helpful person . However, there are different ways that this could be expressed, and these may change your answer slightly.

Below I’m going to show you how to analyse the question, make suitable notes, and then give my own sample answer to a cue card. I’ll also make a few notes on the appropriate language for this sort of task.

Other versions of the question, making notes, my sample answer, vocabulary for describing helpful people, finally….

In IELTS speaking part 2, you are often asked to describe a person. You need to read carefully because there are many kinds of people. It could be a popular person , a famous person, a well-dressed person, or a sportsperson, for example.

Today, however, we are going to focus on a helpful person or someone who has helped you .

You will be given a cue card by the examiner. You should read it and spend 1 minute thinking about your answer. It is a good idea to make some notes to help you speak because you will need to speak for between 1 and 2 minutes.

Make sure that you pay attention to the exact wording of the question, as well as the points that the cue card states.

Here is one possible cue card:

Describe a person you have worked or studied with that was very helpful. You should say: who he/she was how you met him/her what he/she did to help you and say what you learned from the experience.

Let’s think for a moment what you need to do here.

You must describe someone who helped you. (Although this is not stated in the first line, it is stipulated in bullet point #3.)
Can it be any person who helped you? No! It must be someone who you worked or studied with.
You must give some explanation of who the person was – ie their relationship to you, and a little background – and also how you met them.
Importantly, you should state how they helped you.
Finally, you must give some information about what you learned.

It is very important that you address all these points, and particularly pay attention to #1 and #2 from my list above. If you missed either of these, you would score quite poorly.

As I mentioned above, it is possible to have very similar topics. However, remember that although some of them might be the same question phrased differently, others might be similar but distinct questions! If this was the case, you would need to give a totally different answer.

Here are some similar cue cards:

Describe a person who helped you
Describe a time when someone helped you
Describe a time when you helped someone
Describe a very helpful person who you know

There are more possibilities, but let’s just take a moment to consider why these might be treated differently from the previous example (Describe a person you have worked or studied with that was very helpful).

Firstly, “Describe a person who helped you” is essentially the same, except there is no limitation to work or study . In other words, this could be your friend or a family member.

Next, the two middle questions are not about describing a person… they are about describing the time/event/situation . Here, you would focus on the actual act of help rather than the person who helped you. This is really important!

Finally, this question is quite similar to the first, except that the person must be “very helpful”. In the first example, maybe your annoying brother helped you one time. However, here it must be a continually helpful person.

Once you have analyzed the question, you need to think about your answer quickly. Remember that you only have one minute to prepare. It is a good idea to make some notes on the paper that is provided, but you shouldn’t spend too much time doing it. Remember to never attempt to write a whole sentence, or else this will take up all of your time.

The secret to good note-taking is only writing one or two words that will remind you of something important. This could be useful vocabulary, an important point, the structure of your speech, a difficult phrase, etc.

Thinking about the first cue card that we looked at (Describe a person you have worked or studied with that was very helpful), I would make the following notes:

Colleague Supervisor Professional yet approachable Non-judgmental

These notes probably mean very little to you, but that’s ok. These are words that I thought of when brainstorming the question with my own personal experiences. I was thinking about a colleague of mine called Tim, whose position was head teacher at a school where I worked many years ago. His role was sort of a supervisory one, monitoring all the other teachers. Describing him as a person, I would say he was professional yet approachable , and I found him helpful because he was non-judgmental when giving advice.

All of the words I wrote in my notes were examples of good vocabulary, yet they helped me to structure my speech so that I wouldn’t forget what to say. Between looking at these and looking at the cue card, I would easily be able to speak for 1-2 minutes.

It is of course very important that I wrote these quickly, without wasting any time.

This is what I would say to describe a helpful person:

About ten years ago, as a young, inexperienced teacher, I worked with a man called Tim. He was my colleague but he was also the head teacher of this school, and so he was sort of a supervisor to the other teachers working there. Technically, Tim was our boss, but he didn’t act like a traditional boss. He was professional yet approachable , so you always felt that you could talk to him about things. I first met Tim when he offered me a job at his school, and from that moment on we got along very well. Tim was a really helpful guy, and he was always happy to share his experience with the less experienced teachers like me. He was non-judgmental , so you didn’t worry about doing something wrong. If you made a mistake at work, Tim would quietly help you make a change so that you didn’t do it that way again. I remember one time I was teaching a big class and Tim had to observe my teaching methods. This was a very stressful situation for me, but Tim was really helpful. He watched unobtrusively and then at the end of the lesson he gave me lots of useful advice. He didn’t criticize me in any way; instead, he simply told me ways I could improve. I believe that Tim’s advice helped me to become a much better teacher, and years later I am still incredibly grateful to him for mentoring me.

Here is a video version of this answer. You can listen to me read it aloud if that helps you to understand it better.

Note how I used grammar in order to establish the time of the events that occurred in my story. As this is about something that happened in the past, I use past simple for events that occurred once or were generally true in the past. For descriptions of a person, you use this tense:

He was non-judgmental
Tim was really helpful
Tim was a really helpful guy

I also used a conditional clause to bring some complexity in. I used the past “If…, would…” conditional construction:

If you made a mistake at work, Tim would quietly help you make a change…

At the end of my speech, I bring the listener into the present effects of Tim’s helpfulness by using the present simple: “I believe…” and “I am still…”

In terms of vocabulary, my speech is quite simple. I have highlighted in bold some of the less common vocabulary, but there is nothing especially rare or difficult. In fact, as I often tell my students, there is no need in the IELTS exam to use very complicated vocabulary. It is far better to use simple vocabulary correctly.

When talking about people for IELTS, you can try to mention their character traits and use adjectives to describe a person in terms of their personality rather than their physical appearance. Avoid boring language and focus on using interesting and insightful adjectives.

It is also worth thinking about synonyms . These are very handy for IELTS. Here are some synonyms for “helpful”:

It is important to note that most of these words are not exact synonyms. Many of them can’t even be used to describe people! Thus, you must be careful and accurate in your word choice.

A person could be “accessible,” for example, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are helpful. Someone “supportive” is giving a bit of help but again that doesn’t necessarily mean they are very helpful. A “neighbourly” person, however, is probably quite helpful when called upon.

Remember to keep calm in your speaking exam and treat the examiner like a normal person. It is very easy to get nervous and worried before the exam, but these nerves can ruin your band score. Try practising with a friend before your exam, or find a speaking partner to help you.

Getting enough practice is essential not just to improve your speaking skill, but to get over those feelings of anxiety that can negatively affect your score. If you want professional help, check out my practice speaking test service. It’s the best way to boost your score.

About The Author

David S. Wills

David S. Wills is the author of Scientologist! William S. Burroughs and the 'Weird Cult' and the founder/editor of Beatdom literary journal. He lives and works in rural Cambodia and loves to travel. He has worked as an IELTS tutor since 2010, has completed both TEFL and CELTA courses, and has a certificate from Cambridge for Teaching Writing. David has worked in many different countries, and for several years designed a writing course for the University of Worcester. In 2018, he wrote the popular IELTS handbook, Grammar for IELTS Writing and he has since written two other books about IELTS. His other IELTS website is called IELTS Teaching.

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How to Be a Better Person

Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk, "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

We all want to be our best, but many people wonder if it's actually possible to become a better person once you're an adult. The answer is a resounding yes. There are always ways to improve yourself. This answer leads to more questions, however.

How can you improve yourself to be a better person? What is the easiest approach? And what are the most important aspects of self to work on? Taking into account your own well-being as well as the best interests of others, here are some of the most important ways to become a better person.

Let Go of Anger

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We all experience anger in our lives. Uncontrolled anger, however, can create problems in our relationships and even with our health. All of this can lead to more stress and additional problems, complicating life and keeping us from being our best selves. That's why learning to manage and eventually let go of anger is so important to becoming a better person.

Letting go of anger isn't always easy. But the first step is learning more about recognizing anger and knowing what to do when you feel angry in your life.

Recognizing anger is often simple if you make an effort to notice when you feel upset and decide to manage this feeling rather than denying it or lashing out at others as a way of coping. Focus on noticing when you feel angry and why, and know that there is a difference between feeling angry and acting on that anger. Then, know your options.

You can change your beliefs about what is making you angry. This can work by learning more about the situation, or even reminding yourself there may be things you don't know yet.

Remind yourself that maybe that person who cut you off in traffic was distracted by something challenging in their own life. If a friend seems to be rude to you, inquire about how their day is going and find out if there's more that you don't know.

You can also focus on what your "anger triggers" are, and eliminate them as possible. For example, if you find yourself becoming frustrated and angry when you have to rush, work on making more space in your schedule (even if it means saying "no" a little more), and try to eliminate that trigger. If a certain person makes you angry, try to limit their role in your life if it doesn't work to talk things out with them first.

It's also important to learn to let go of grudges and residual anger from each day. Don't wake up holding a grudge from the night before if you can help it. Focus on forgiveness , even if it means you don't let someone who wronged you continue to have an important role in your life. When you stay in the present moment as much as possible, this becomes easier.

Practicing stress relievers like meditation can also help you to let go of anger. Focus on releasing the hold that the past may have on you. Put your attention to the current moment and it becomes easier to avoid rumination and stay in a good place.

Support Others

Helping others may seem like an obvious route to becoming a better person. We often think of "good people" as those who are willing to sacrifice for others. This, in the minds of many, is what makes a person "good." However, good deeds can also make us better people because of the connection between altruism and emotional well-being.

According to research, it just may be true that it's better to give than to receive. So while you may feel too stressed and busy to extend help to others when it's not absolutely necessary, expanding your ability to focus on the needs of others can really help you as well. It’s true: Altruism is its own reward and can actually help you relieve stress.

Studies show that altruism is good for your emotional well-being and can measurably enhance your peace of mind.

For example, one study found that dialysis patients, transplant patients, and family members who became support volunteers for other patients experienced increased personal growth and emotional well-being.

Another study on patients with multiple sclerosis (MS) showed that those who offered other MS patients peer support actually experienced greater benefits than their supported peers, including more pronounced improvement of confidence, self-awareness , self-esteem , depression, and daily functioning. Those who offered support generally found that their lives were dramatically changed for the better.

In addition to making the world a better place, exercising your altruism can make you a happier, more compassionate person. Because there are so many ways to express altruism, this is a simple route to being a better person, one that is available to all of us every day. This is good news indeed.

Leverage Your Strengths

Losing track of time when you’re absorbed in fulfilling work or another engaging activity, or what psychologists refer to as " flow ," is a familiar state for most of us. Flow is what happens when you get deeply involved in a hobby, in learning a new skill or subject, or in engaging in activities that supply just the right mix of challenge and ease.

When we feel too challenged, we feel stressed. When things are too easy, we may become bored—either way, finding the sweet spot between these two extremes keeps us engaged in a very good way.

You can experience flow by writing, dancing, creating, or absorbing new material that you can teach others.

What may bring you to that state of being may be challenging for others, and vice versa. Think about when you find yourself in this state most often, and try doing more of that.

The state of flow is a good indicator of whether an activity is right for you. When you're in a state of flow, you're leveraging your strengths, and this turns out to be great for your emotional health and happiness. It's also a very positive thing for the rest of the world because your strengths can usually be used to help others in some way.

When you learn enough about yourself to know what your best strengths are and find out how to use them for the benefit of others, you're on your way to being a better person, and a happier one as well.

Use the "Stages of Change" Model

Ask yourself: If you had a magic wand, what would you like to see in your future? Ignoring the ideas of how you’ll get there, vividly imagine your ideal life, and what would be included in it.

Take a few minutes to list, on paper or on your computer, the changes and goals that would be included in this picture. Be specific about what you want. It’s okay if you want something that you seemingly have no control over, such as a mate who is perfect for you. Just write it down.

You may follow the lead of many businesses and have a one-year, five-year, and 10-year plan for your life. (It doesn’t have to be a set-in-stone plan , but a list of wishes and goals.) Keeping in mind what you hope for in your future can help you feel less stuck in the stressful parts of your present life, and help you see more options for change as they present themselves.

There are several ways to focus on change, but the stages of change model can lead you to your best self perhaps more easily than many other paths. This model of change can be adapted to whatever mindset you have right now and can work for most people.

The Stages of Change Model

Precontemplation : Ignoring the problem
Contemplation : Aware of the problem
Preparation : Getting ready to change
Action : Taking direct action toward the goal
Maintenance : Maintaining new behavior
Relapse : Reaffirm your goal and commitment to change

One of the most important parts of this route to change is that you don't push yourself to make changes before you're ready, and you don't give up if you find yourself backsliding—it's a forgivable and even expected part of the process of change. Understanding this plan for making changes can help you to be a better person in whatever ways you choose.

Press Play for Advice on Creating Change

This episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares how to use the six stages of change to apply them to your own process of change. Click below to listen now.

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Take Care of Yourself

Stígur Már Karlsson / Heimsmyndir / Getty Images

You may not always have control over the circumstances you face. But you can control how well you take care of yourself, which can affect your stress levels and enable you to grow as a person when you face life's challenges.

Self-care is vital for building resilience when facing unavoidable stressors for several reasons. When you're tired, eating poorly, or generally run down, you will likely be more reactive to the stress you face in your life. You can even end up creating more problems for yourself by reacting poorly rather than responding from a place of calm inner strength.

Conversely, when you're taking good care of yourself (both your physical and mental health ), you can be more thoughtfully engaged with whatever comes, use the resources you have in your life, and grow from the challenges you face, rather than merely surviving them.

Taking proper care of your body, soul, and mind can keep you in optimum shape for handling stress. That gives you added resilience to manage those challenges in life that we all face, as well as those that may be unique to you.

Basics of Self-Care

In terms of self-care strategies , there are several that can help, but some of the most important aspects of self-care include the basics:

Connection with others

Sleep is important for your emotional and physical well-being because too little or poor quality sleep can leave you feeling more stressed and less able to brainstorm solutions to problems you face. Lack of sleep can take a toll on your body as well, both in the short term and in the long run. Poor sleep can even affect your weight.

The same is true with poor nutrition. A poor diet can leave you feeling bloated and tired, and can add extra pounds over time. You need the right fuel to face life's challenges, but when stress hits, it's often the unhealthy food we crave.

Social Connections

Feeling connected to others can help you feel more resilient. Good friends can help you to process negative emotions, brainstorm solutions, and get your mind off your problems when necessary. It's sometimes challenging to find time for friends when you have a busy, stressful life, but our friends often make us better people both with their support and their inspiration.

Finally, it is important to take a little time for yourself. This can mean journaling and meditation, or it can come in the form of exercise or even watching re-runs at home. This is particularly important for introverts , but everyone needs some time to themselves, at least sometimes.

Learn to Be User-Friendly

Our relationships can create a haven from stress, and help us to become better people at the same time. They can also be a significant source of stress when there is conflict that is resolved poorly or left to fester. The beauty of this is that as we do the work it takes to become a better friend, partner, and family member, it can also be a path to becoming a better person.

To improve your relationships and yourself, learn conflict resolution skills. These skills include being a good listener, understanding the other side when you are in conflict, and anger management techniques .

These things can help us be better versions of ourselves. They can also minimize the stress we experience in relationships, making these relationships stronger. Close relationships usually provide plenty of opportunities to practice these skills as you work on improving them, so you can perhaps even appreciate the opportunities when they arise and feel less upset.

Mental Health Foundation. Cool down: Anger and how to deal with it .

Post SG. Altruism, happiness, and health: It's good to be good . Int J Behav Med . 2005;12(2):66-77. doi:10.1207/s15327558ijbm1202_4

Cheron G. How to measure the psychological "flow"? A neuroscience perspective . Front Psychol . 2016;7:1823. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01823

Sadler-Gerhardt CJ, Stevenson DL. When it all hits the fan: Helping counselors build resilience and avoid burnout . American Counseling Association VISTAS 2012(1).

National Sleep Foundation. How much sleep do we really need?

By Elizabeth Scott, PhD Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Greater Good Science Center • Magazine • In Action • In Education

Helping Others Can Help You Feel Better During the Pandemic

In many ways, the coronavirus pandemic has demonstrated the extent to which we rely on others. This year, we’ve been forced to find new ways to stay connected, whether that’s signing up for virtual volunteering , organizing Zoom happy hours, or using resources like Nextdoor’s Help Map to obtain essential supplies.

How are these new ways of connecting impacting our well-being during the pandemic? According to a new research paper published in The Gerontologist , all the help that we’re giving and receiving may be serving to brighten our days and keep our relationships strong.

As shelter-in-place orders were issued in March, a team of researchers began asking participants to complete surveys each night for a week. In total, over 1,000 participants in the United States and Canada responded in the spring and summer. In the surveys, participants were asked if they had helped anyone that day—either as part of an organized volunteer activity or by providing help more informally (for example, by offering emotional support to a friend or bringing a neighbor groceries). In addition, participants also reported on their positive and negative emotions, indicated whether they had received support from anyone that day, and rated how they felt their relationships were going.

The researchers found that participants who helped others more often—whether through formal volunteering or providing more informal types of help—reported higher positive emotions, lower negative emotions, and more satisfaction with their relationships. In addition to these differences between people, the researchers also observed people’s well-being fluctuate over time: On days when participants helped others, they felt greater positive emotions and were happier with their relationships, compared to days when they didn’t help anyone else.

Additionally, providing emotional support (that is, providing a listening ear rather than trying to fix someone’s problem) had a unique benefit: On days when participants offered this kind of support, they reported lower negative emotions.

During the study, older participants (ages 60 and up) were the most likely to participate in formal volunteering activities, and they were the most likely to receive emotional support from others. Older participants also reported the highest levels of well-being, in terms of positive and negative emotions and satisfaction with their relationships. Volunteering and staying socially connected—albeit at a distance—may play a role in helping older adults stay well during the pandemic.

In fact, receiving help seemed to be beneficial for everyone, not just older people: On days when participants received support from others, they reported higher positive emotions and more happiness with their relationships.

While this might seem intuitive, it actually differs from previous research, which has found that receiving help from others can sometimes backfire. For example, receiving support we didn’t ask for can be an unpleasant experience, since it can make us feel like our competence is being called into question. Research also suggests that feeling incompetent or powerless as a result of receiving support is linked to negative consequences, such as having more symptoms of depression.

Why didn’t receiving support have adverse consequences in the present study? Nancy Sin, assistant professor at the University of British Columbia and lead author of the study, explains that one reason may have to do with the nature of the pandemic. Since all of us are going through a huge, collective stressor, reaching out for help is, in a sense, normalized.

Additionally, people may be more likely to receive the kind of helpful, effective support that they want right now. Participants in the study were especially likely to receive emotional support , and, when we’re facing an uncontrollable, unpredictable event—like COVID-19 is—being able to vent is sometimes more effective than having someone jump in to fix whatever’s wrong. It also helps that a lot of the support happening right now is reciprocal: In a conversation with a friend, we might find ourselves taking the role of both support provider and support recipient.

Make Giving Feel Good

How to encourage kindness in ways that also boost happiness

Sin’s advice for people who are feeling lonely or disconnected right now? Seek out opportunities to connect with others, whether through formal volunteer organizations (many of which are offering virtual or socially distanced opportunities to help) or by simply reaching out to a friend you haven’t talked to in a while.

Another way to help out is to get others connected to the digital resources they need to set up Zoom calls or do virtual volunteering. While more and more older adults are connected to the internet, not all are (and socioeconomic inequalities can exacerbate this issue). Helping to bridge this digital gap will have a meaningful impact on people’s sense of connectedness right now.

Sin also suggests that the efforts we’re making now to cultivate our social networks can have long-reaching consequences. The volunteer networks, community groups, and mutual aid organizations we’ve built up while social distancing are resources that we can carry forward, even after the pandemic. She explains, “What I hope is that, by people becoming more active in helping other people, in maybe becoming more involved in their communities, that this will build resources that people can still rely on in the future even after the pandemic is over.”

About the Author

Elizabeth Hopper

Elizabeth Hopper, Ph.D. , received her Ph.D. in psychology from UC Santa Barbara and currently works as a freelance science writer specializing in psychology and mental health.

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The benefits of social regulation of emotion..

Posted May 30, 2018 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

Consider the positive feelings you experienced the last time when you did something good for someone else. Perhaps it was the satisfaction of running an errand for your neighbor, or the sense of fulfillment from volunteering at a local organization, or the gratification from donating to a good cause. Or perhaps it was the simple joy of having helped out a friend. This “ warm glow ” of pro-sociality is thought to be one of the drivers of generous behavior in humans. One reason behind the positive feelings associated with helping others is that being pro-social reinforces our sense of relatedness to others, thus helping us meet our most basic psychological needs .

Research has found many examples of how doing good, in ways big or small, not only feels good, but also does us good. For instance, the well-being-boosting and depression -lowering benefits of volunteering have been repeatedly documented. As has the sense of meaning and purpose that often accompanies altruistic behavior. Even when it comes to money, spending it on others predicts increases in happiness compared to spending it on ourselves. Moreover, there is now neural evidence from fMRI studies suggesting a link between generosity and happiness in the brain. For example, donating money to charitable organizations activates the same (mesolimbic) regions of the brain that respond to monetary rewards or sex . In fact, the mere intent and commitment to generosity can stimulate neural change and make people happier.

Recent research suggests yet another way our well-being can benefit from practicing pro-social behavior: helping others regulate their emotions helps us regulate our own emotions, decreases symptoms of depression and ultimately, improves our emotional well-being.

Regulating each other’s emotions

Our day-to-day lives offer plenty of opportunities for regulating our own emotions. When we are happy, sad, frustrated or anxious , we find ways of managing our feelings to meet the demands of our environments. At times, however, when the weight of our emotions becomes too much to bare, we turn to others for support. Social regulation of emotion is a key component of our relationships. Whenever we navigate children through tantrums, help a friend through a breakup, or rely on our partners for comfort after a challenging day, we often engage in social regulation of emotion. Whether we are the ones providing the emotional support or the ones seeking it, the 2 most common ways to help others regulate their emotions are through acceptance (showing empathy by validating their feelings) and reappraisal (helping others think about their situation in a different way). A recent study from Columbia University has revealed that when helping others navigate their stressful situations, we are enhancing our own emotion regulation skills, and thus, benefiting our own emotional well-being.

Over a three-week period, participants were provided with an anonymous online environment where they could share their personal stories of stressful life events. They could also provide emotional support to other participants by replying to their entries with short, empathetic messages. Participants helped each other by identifying potential distortions in thinking, suggesting reappraisal strategies or providing words of acceptance. Responses were rated for their degree of helpfulness and participants were given the opportunity to express their gratitude for the acceptance or reappraisal messages that they received from others.

The results showed that helping others to regulate their emotions predicted better emotional and cognitive outcomes for those participants who were giving the help. Moreover, because heightened levels of self-focused attention are common in depression , the more people helped others, the more their helping behavior predicted a reduction in their own depression, thanks to the use of reappraisal in their own daily lives. Follow-up analyses further showed that this increase in reappraisal in people’s lives also affected their mood and subjective happiness. Interestingly, messages that used other-focused language (e.g., second-person pronouns such as you and your ) were considered more helpful and garnered more gratitude from participants. In fact, using other-focused language not only helped the people in need, but also those who were helping. This finding suggests that when providing emotional support to others, trying to fully take on their perspective can increase reappraisal and lead to better psychological outcomes for those who are providing the support.

Next time you find yourself helping someone with regulating their emotions, consider how your efforts may be providing you with an opportunity to practice for future situations at a distance, and consequently, improving your emotional well-being. Thus, when it comes to the benefits of social emotion regulation, St. Francis of Assisi’s words ring especially poignant: For it is in the giving that we receive.

Doré, B. P., Morris, R. R., Burr, D. A., Picard, R. W., & Ochsner, K. N. (2017). Helping others regulate emotion predicts increased regulation of one’s own emotions and decreased symptoms of depression. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 43(5), 729-739.

Dunn, E. W., Aknin, L. B., & Norton, M. I. (2008). Spending money on others promotes happiness. Science, 319(5870), 1687-1688.

Ingram, R. E. (1990). Self-focused attention in clinical disorders: Review and a conceptual model. Psychological Bulletin, 107, 156-176.

Jenkinson, C. E., Dickens, A. P., Jones, K., Thompson-Coon, J., Taylor, R. S., Rogers, M., ... & Richards, S. H. (2013). Is volunteering a public health intervention? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the health and survival of volunteers. BMC Public Health, 13(1) , 773.

Moll, J., Krueger, F., Zahn, R., Pardini, M., de Oliveira-Souza, R., & Grafman, J. (2006). Human fronto–mesolimbic networks guide decisions about charitable donation. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 103(42) , 15623-15628.

Park, S. Q., Kahnt, T., Dogan, A., Strang, S., Fehr, E., & Tobler, P. N. (2017). A neural link between generosity and happiness. Nature Communications, 8 , 15964.

Post, S. G. (2005). Altruism, happiness, and health: It’s good to be good. International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 12(2) , 66-77.

Van Tongeren, D. R., Green, J. D., Davis, D. E., Hook, J. N., & Hulsey, T. L. (2016). Prosociality enhances meaning in life. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 11(3) , 225-236.

Weinstein, N., & Ryan, R. M. (2010). When helping helps: Autonomous motivation for prosocial behavior and its influence on well-being for the helper and recipient. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98(2), 222.

Marianna Pogosyan, Ph.D. , is a lecturer in Cultural Psychology and a consultant specialising in cross-cultural transitions.

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College Essays

If you grow up to be a professional writer, everything you write will first go through an editor before being published. This is because the process of writing is really a process of re-writing —of rethinking and reexamining your work, usually with the help of someone else. So what does this mean for your student writing? And in particular, what does it mean for very important, but nonprofessional writing like your college essay? Should you ask your parents to look at your essay? Pay for an essay service?

If you are wondering what kind of help you can, and should, get with your personal statement, you've come to the right place! In this article, I'll talk about what kind of writing help is useful, ethical, and even expected for your college admission essay . I'll also point out who would make a good editor, what the differences between editing and proofreading are, what to expect from a good editor, and how to spot and stay away from a bad one.

What Kind of Help for Your Essay Can You Get?

What's Good Editing?

What should an editor do for you, what kind of editing should you avoid, proofreading, what's good proofreading, what kind of proofreading should you avoid.

What Do Colleges Think Of You Getting Help With Your Essay?

Who Can/Should Help You?

Advice for editors.

Should You Pay Money For Essay Editing?

The Bottom Line

What's next, what kind of help with your essay can you get.

Rather than talking in general terms about "help," let's first clarify the two different ways that someone else can improve your writing . There is editing, which is the more intensive kind of assistance that you can use throughout the whole process. And then there's proofreading, which is the last step of really polishing your final product.

Let me go into some more detail about editing and proofreading, and then explain how good editors and proofreaders can help you."

Editing is helping the author (in this case, you) go from a rough draft to a finished work . Editing is the process of asking questions about what you're saying, how you're saying it, and how you're organizing your ideas. But not all editing is good editing . In fact, it's very easy for an editor to cross the line from supportive to overbearing and over-involved.

Ability to clarify assignments. A good editor is usually a good writer, and certainly has to be a good reader. For example, in this case, a good editor should make sure you understand the actual essay prompt you're supposed to be answering.

Open-endedness. Good editing is all about asking questions about your ideas and work, but without providing answers. It's about letting you stick to your story and message, and doesn't alter your point of view.

Think of an editor as a great travel guide. It can show you the many different places your trip could take you. It should explain any parts of the trip that could derail your trip or confuse the traveler. But it never dictates your path, never forces you to go somewhere you don't want to go, and never ignores your interests so that the trip no longer seems like it's your own. So what should good editors do?

Help Brainstorm Topics

Sometimes it's easier to bounce thoughts off of someone else. This doesn't mean that your editor gets to come up with ideas, but they can certainly respond to the various topic options you've come up with. This way, you're less likely to write about the most boring of your ideas, or to write about something that isn't actually important to you.

If you're wondering how to come up with options for your editor to consider, check out our guide to brainstorming topics for your college essay .

Help Revise Your Drafts

Here, your editor can't upset the delicate balance of not intervening too much or too little. It's tricky, but a great way to think about it is to remember: editing is about asking questions, not giving answers .

Revision questions should point out:

Places where more detail or more description would help the reader connect with your essay
Places where structure and logic don't flow, losing the reader's attention
Places where there aren't transitions between paragraphs, confusing the reader
Moments where your narrative or the arguments you're making are unclear

But pointing to potential problems is not the same as actually rewriting—editors let authors fix the problems themselves.

Want to write the perfect college application essay? We can help. Your dedicated PrepScholar Admissions counselor will help you craft your perfect college essay, from the ground up. We learn your background and interests, brainstorm essay topics, and walk you through the essay drafting process, step-by-step. At the end, you'll have a unique essay to proudly submit to colleges. Don't leave your college application to chance. Find out more about PrepScholar Admissions now:

Bad editing is usually very heavy-handed editing. Instead of helping you find your best voice and ideas, a bad editor changes your writing into their own vision.

You may be dealing with a bad editor if they:

Add material (examples, descriptions) that doesn't come from you
Use a thesaurus to make your college essay sound "more mature"
Add meaning or insight to the essay that doesn't come from you
Tell you what to say and how to say it
Write sentences, phrases, and paragraphs for you
Change your voice in the essay so it no longer sounds like it was written by a teenager

Colleges can tell the difference between a 17-year-old's writing and a 50-year-old's writing. Not only that, they have access to your SAT or ACT Writing section, so they can compare your essay to something else you wrote. Writing that's a little more polished is great and expected. But a totally different voice and style will raise questions.

Where's the Line Between Helpful Editing and Unethical Over-Editing?

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether your college essay editor is doing the right thing. Here are some guidelines for staying on the ethical side of the line.

An editor should say that the opening paragraph is kind of boring, and explain what exactly is making it drag. But it's overstepping for an editor to tell you exactly how to change it.
An editor should point out where your prose is unclear or vague. But it's completely inappropriate for the editor to rewrite that section of your essay.
An editor should let you know that a section is light on detail or description. But giving you similes and metaphors to beef up that description is a no-go.

Proofreading (also called copy-editing) is checking for errors in the last draft of a written work. It happens at the end of the process and is meant as the final polishing touch. Proofreading is meticulous and detail-oriented, focusing on small corrections. It sands off all the surface rough spots that could alienate the reader.

Because proofreading is usually concerned with making fixes on the word or sentence level, this is the only process where someone else can actually add to or take away things from your essay . This is because what they are adding or taking away tends to be one or two misplaced letters.

Laser focus. Proofreading is all about the tiny details, so the ability to really concentrate on finding small slip-ups is a must.

Excellent grammar and spelling skills. Proofreaders need to dot every "i" and cross every "t." Good proofreaders should correct spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and grammar. They should put foreign words in italics and surround quotations with quotation marks. They should check that you used the correct college's name, and that you adhered to any formatting requirements (name and date at the top of the page, uniform font and size, uniform spacing).

Limited interference. A proofreader needs to make sure that you followed any word limits. But if cuts need to be made to shorten the essay, that's your job and not the proofreader's.

A bad proofreader either tries to turn into an editor, or just lacks the skills and knowledge necessary to do the job.

Some signs that you're working with a bad proofreader are:

If they suggest making major changes to the final draft of your essay. Proofreading happens when editing is already finished.
If they aren't particularly good at spelling, or don't know grammar, or aren't detail-oriented enough to find someone else's small mistakes.
If they start swapping out your words for fancier-sounding synonyms, or changing the voice and sound of your essay in other ways. A proofreader is there to check for errors, not to take the 17-year-old out of your writing.

What Do Colleges Think of Your Getting Help With Your Essay?

Admissions officers agree: light editing and proofreading are good—even required ! But they also want to make sure you're the one doing the work on your essay. They want essays with stories, voice, and themes that come from you. They want to see work that reflects your actual writing ability, and that focuses on what you find important.

On the Importance of Editing

Get feedback. Have a fresh pair of eyes give you some feedback. Don't allow someone else to rewrite your essay, but do take advantage of others' edits and opinions when they seem helpful. ( Bates College )

Read your essay aloud to someone. Reading the essay out loud offers a chance to hear how your essay sounds outside your head. This exercise reveals flaws in the essay's flow, highlights grammatical errors and helps you ensure that you are communicating the exact message you intended. ( Dickinson College )

On the Value of Proofreading

Share your essays with at least one or two people who know you well—such as a parent, teacher, counselor, or friend—and ask for feedback. Remember that you ultimately have control over your essays, and your essays should retain your own voice, but others may be able to catch mistakes that you missed and help suggest areas to cut if you are over the word limit. ( Yale University )

Proofread and then ask someone else to proofread for you. Although we want substance, we also want to be able to see that you can write a paper for our professors and avoid careless mistakes that would drive them crazy. ( Oberlin College )

On Watching Out for Too Much Outside Influence

Limit the number of people who review your essay. Too much input usually means your voice is lost in the writing style. ( Carleton College )

Ask for input (but not too much). Your parents, friends, guidance counselors, coaches, and teachers are great people to bounce ideas off of for your essay. They know how unique and spectacular you are, and they can help you decide how to articulate it. Keep in mind, however, that a 45-year-old lawyer writes quite differently from an 18-year-old student, so if your dad ends up writing the bulk of your essay, we're probably going to notice. ( Vanderbilt University )

Now let's talk about some potential people to approach for your college essay editing and proofreading needs. It's best to start close to home and slowly expand outward. Not only are your family and friends more invested in your success than strangers, but they also have a better handle on your interests and personality. This knowledge is key for judging whether your essay is expressing your true self.

Parents or Close Relatives

Your family may be full of potentially excellent editors! Parents are deeply committed to your well-being, and family members know you and your life well enough to offer details or incidents that can be included in your essay. On the other hand, the rewriting process necessarily involves criticism, which is sometimes hard to hear from someone very close to you.

A parent or close family member is a great choice for an editor if you can answer "yes" to the following questions. Is your parent or close relative a good writer or reader? Do you have a relationship where editing your essay won't create conflict? Are you able to constructively listen to criticism and suggestion from the parent?

One suggestion for defusing face-to-face discussions is to try working on the essay over email. Send your parent a draft, have them write you back some comments, and then you can pick which of their suggestions you want to use and which to discard.

Teachers or Tutors

A humanities teacher that you have a good relationship with is a great choice. I am purposefully saying humanities, and not just English, because teachers of Philosophy, History, Anthropology, and any other classes where you do a lot of writing, are all used to reviewing student work.

Moreover, any teacher or tutor that has been working with you for some time, knows you very well and can vet the essay to make sure it "sounds like you."

If your teacher or tutor has some experience with what college essays are supposed to be like, ask them to be your editor. If not, then ask whether they have time to proofread your final draft.

Guidance or College Counselor at Your School

The best thing about asking your counselor to edit your work is that this is their job. This means that they have a very good sense of what colleges are looking for in an application essay.

At the same time, school counselors tend to have relationships with admissions officers in many colleges, which again gives them insight into what works and which college is focused on what aspect of the application.

Unfortunately, in many schools the guidance counselor tends to be way overextended. If your ratio is 300 students to 1 college counselor, you're unlikely to get that person's undivided attention and focus. It is still useful to ask them for general advice about your potential topics, but don't expect them to be able to stay with your essay from first draft to final version.

Friends, Siblings, or Classmates

Although they most likely don't have much experience with what colleges are hoping to see, your peers are excellent sources for checking that your essay is you .

Friends and siblings are perfect for the read-aloud edit. Read your essay to them so they can listen for words and phrases that are stilted, pompous, or phrases that just don't sound like you.

You can even trade essays and give helpful advice on each other's work.

If your editor hasn't worked with college admissions essays very much, no worries! Any astute and attentive reader can still greatly help with your process. But, as in all things, beginners do better with some preparation.

First, your editor should read our advice about how to write a college essay introduction , how to spot and fix a bad college essay , and get a sense of what other students have written by going through some admissions essays that worked .

Then, as they read your essay, they can work through the following series of questions that will help them to guide you.

Introduction Questions

Is the first sentence a killer opening line? Why or why not?
Does the introduction hook the reader? Does it have a colorful, detailed, and interesting narrative? Or does it propose a compelling or surprising idea?
Can you feel the author's voice in the introduction, or is the tone dry, dull, or overly formal? Show the places where the voice comes through.

Essay Body Questions

Does the essay have a through-line? Is it built around a central argument, thought, idea, or focus? Can you put this idea into your own words?
How is the essay organized? By logical progression? Chronologically? Do you feel order when you read it, or are there moments where you are confused or lose the thread of the essay?
Does the essay have both narratives about the author's life and explanations and insight into what these stories reveal about the author's character, personality, goals, or dreams? If not, which is missing?
Does the essay flow? Are there smooth transitions/clever links between paragraphs? Between the narrative and moments of insight?

Reader Response Questions

Does the writer's personality come through? Do we know what the speaker cares about? Do we get a sense of "who he or she is"?
Where did you feel most connected to the essay? Which parts of the essay gave you a "you are there" sensation by invoking your senses? What moments could you picture in your head well?
Where are the details and examples vague and not specific enough?
Did you get an "a-ha!" feeling anywhere in the essay? Is there a moment of insight that connected all the dots for you? Is there a good reveal or "twist" anywhere in the essay?
What are the strengths of this essay? What needs the most improvement?

Should You Pay Money for Essay Editing?

One alternative to asking someone you know to help you with your college essay is the paid editor route. There are two different ways to pay for essay help: a private essay coach or a less personal editing service , like the many proliferating on the internet.

My advice is to think of these options as a last resort rather than your go-to first choice. I'll first go through the reasons why. Then, if you do decide to go with a paid editor, I'll help you decide between a coach and a service.

When to Consider a Paid Editor

In general, I think hiring someone to work on your essay makes a lot of sense if none of the people I discussed above are a possibility for you.

If you can't ask your parents. For example, if your parents aren't good writers, or if English isn't their first language. Or if you think getting your parents to help is going create unnecessary extra conflict in your relationship with them (applying to college is stressful as it is!)

If you can't ask your teacher or tutor. Maybe you don't have a trusted teacher or tutor that has time to look over your essay with focus. Or, for instance, your favorite humanities teacher has very limited experience with college essays and so won't know what admissions officers want to see.

If you can't ask your guidance counselor. This could be because your guidance counselor is way overwhelmed with other students.

If you can't share your essay with those who know you. It might be that your essay is on a very personal topic that you're unwilling to share with parents, teachers, or peers. Just make sure it doesn't fall into one of the bad-idea topics in our article on bad college essays .

If the cost isn't a consideration. Many of these services are quite expensive, and private coaches even more so. If you have finite resources, I'd say that hiring an SAT or ACT tutor (whether it's PrepScholar or someone else) is better way to spend your money . This is because there's no guarantee that a slightly better essay will sufficiently elevate the rest of your application, but a significantly higher SAT score will definitely raise your applicant profile much more.

Should You Hire an Essay Coach?

On the plus side, essay coaches have read dozens or even hundreds of college essays, so they have experience with the format. Also, because you'll be working closely with a specific person, it's more personal than sending your essay to a service, which will know even less about you.

But, on the minus side, you'll still be bouncing ideas off of someone who doesn't know that much about you . In general, if you can adequately get the help from someone you know, there is no advantage to paying someone to help you.

If you do decide to hire a coach, ask your school counselor, or older students that have used the service for recommendations. If you can't afford the coach's fees, ask whether they can work on a sliding scale —many do. And finally, beware those who guarantee admission to your school of choice—essay coaches don't have any special magic that can back up those promises.

Should You Send Your Essay to a Service?

On the plus side, essay editing services provide a similar product to essay coaches, and they cost significantly less . If you have some assurance that you'll be working with a good editor, the lack of face-to-face interaction won't prevent great results.

On the minus side, however, it can be difficult to gauge the quality of the service before working with them . If they are churning through many application essays without getting to know the students they are helping, you could end up with an over-edited essay that sounds just like everyone else's. In the worst case scenario, an unscrupulous service could send you back a plagiarized essay.

Getting recommendations from friends or a school counselor for reputable services is key to avoiding heavy-handed editing that writes essays for you or does too much to change your essay. Including a badly-edited essay like this in your application could cause problems if there are inconsistencies. For example, in interviews it might be clear you didn't write the essay, or the skill of the essay might not be reflected in your schoolwork and test scores.

Should You Buy an Essay Written by Someone Else?

Let me elaborate. There are super sketchy places on the internet where you can simply buy a pre-written essay. Don't do this!

For one thing, you'll be lying on an official, signed document. All college applications make you sign a statement saying something like this:

I certify that all information submitted in the admission process—including the application, the personal essay, any supplements, and any other supporting materials—is my own work, factually true, and honestly presented... I understand that I may be subject to a range of possible disciplinary actions, including admission revocation, expulsion, or revocation of course credit, grades, and degree, should the information I have certified be false. (From the Common Application )

For another thing, if your academic record doesn't match the essay's quality, the admissions officer will start thinking your whole application is riddled with lies.

Admission officers have full access to your writing portion of the SAT or ACT so that they can compare work that was done in proctored conditions with that done at home. They can tell if these were written by different people. Not only that, but there are now a number of search engines that faculty and admission officers can use to see if an essay contains strings of words that have appeared in other essays—you have no guarantee that the essay you bought wasn't also bought by 50 other students.

You should get college essay help with both editing and proofreading
A good editor will ask questions about your idea, logic, and structure, and will point out places where clarity is needed
A good editor will absolutely not answer these questions, give you their own ideas, or write the essay or parts of the essay for you
A good proofreader will find typos and check your formatting
All of them agree that getting light editing and proofreading is necessary
Parents, teachers, guidance or college counselor, and peers or siblings
If you can't ask any of those, you can pay for college essay help, but watch out for services or coaches who over-edit you work
Don't buy a pre-written essay! Colleges can tell, and it'll make your whole application sound false.

Ready to start working on your essay? Check out our explanation of the point of the personal essay and the role it plays on your applications and then explore our step-by-step guide to writing a great college essay .

Using the Common Application for your college applications? We have an excellent guide to the Common App essay prompts and useful advice on how to pick the Common App prompt that's right for you . Wondering how other people tackled these prompts? Then work through our roundup of over 130 real college essay examples published by colleges .

Stressed about whether to take the SAT again before submitting your application? Let us help you decide how many times to take this test . If you choose to go for it, we have the ultimate guide to studying for the SAT to give you the ins and outs of the best ways to study.

Want to improve your SAT score by 160 points or your ACT score by 4 points? We've written a guide for each test about the top 5 strategies you must be using to have a shot at improving your score. Download them for free now:

Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Describe a person who is helpful to others – IELTS Cue Card

Updated On Dec 08, 2023

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Guide to Achieving Band 8+ on IELTS Speaking Cue Cards

Describe a person who is helpful to others.

You should say:

who this person is
how you know him/her
whether you met him/her
and explain why you think this person is helpful to others

Sample Answer 1

We all know someone who is known for being selfless and helpful. People like this are always admired by others for their kindness and compassion. One individual that I would like to talk about, who is one of the most helpful people I have known, is my best friend Nasrin. Nasrin has been my friend since childhood, and in all the years that I have known her, she has been helpful to everyone who was in need of assistance.

I first met Nasrin when I was in the second grade of school, and we have been friends ever since. Since childhood, Nasrin has always been an amicable person who always considers other people’s feelings. She always has been a person whom our friends turned to when they needed help with their assignments, homework and even exam preparation.

For nearly ten years of my school life, I have met Nasrin every day, and we have always been close friends even after we graduated from high school. I have also been the recipient of her kindness and aid in many situations, and she has helped me through some tough times.

One of the most admirable qualities of Nasrin’s personality is that she listens to and understands other people. She always had a knack for looking at another person’s problem from a different perspective and providing a solution. It is one of the reasons why she was chosen for the position of Head Girl of our school. Even today, Nasrin frequently engages herself in philanthropic activities and other volunteer work with various non-profit organizations. She has a dream of opening her own NGO to help the underprivileged. These are a few reasons why I believe that Nasrin is one of the most accommodating people I know, and I am glad to call her a dear friend.

Sample Answer 2

To give a perfect answer to your question, I would say I have an exact person in mind whom I consider an empathetic person and who is always on the toes to help others, regardless of the time and situation.

This helpful person is Ms. Khushi Gupta. She is a friend of mine and is a businesswoman. However, she seems equally involved in philanthropy. One of the reasons I admire her is because of her dedication to helping homeless children and spending her own hard-earned money to ensure that the underprivileged children get basic education at a night school organized by her. Although she is in her late 20s, she is driven toward making a difference in society.

I got in touch with her through a common friend of ours. And, I have got the opportunity to interact with her during several get-togethers. She is a soft-spoken and well-mannered lady. Apart from her benevolent behaviour, she is also a chess champion. In fact, she has already taught me how to sharpen my skills in this mind-numbing game.

I have also learnt a lot about her from several other people, courtesy to her much-acknowledged kind deeds for humanity. As per my perspective, I think Khushi is quite helpful as he has dedicated her time, wealth and energy to help others. Keeping in mind the type of issues the society is facing, we need more people like her who would act selflessly to help others in need. I have seen her work tirelessly for children and homeless people, which makes her different from others.

Empathetic: showing an ability to understand the feelings of others Example: My father is an empathetic person.
Philanthropy: the practice of helping others Example: People should realise that philanthropy is not an extravagance.
Benevolent: kind Example: The need of the hour is to be benevolent towards each other.
Selflessly: caring more about others’ needs Example: I have never known somebody who is selflessly caring for others.
Tirelessly: with great energy or effort Example: I work tirelessly to earn for my family.

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30 + Difficult IELTS Cue Card Topics with Answer pdf

Justin is our Exam Prep Master and helps our learners with the important information, tips to tackle the IELTS Test. He has his way of researching and putting into words the details that students need to know while prepping for the IELTS Test. Justin joined us right after working with an NGO, which helped students study. He understood the difficulties for local students who took up the IELTS Test as English wasn't their first language and thus took it upon him to educate and help students learn the basics of the language and how to tackle the test.

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Home / Essay Samples / Life / Myself / Helpful Person

Helpful Person Essay Examples

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