essay on healthy relationships

Advertisement

The 14 most important characteristics of healthy relationships.

A healthy relationshi p is one that adds to both people's overall well-being, fueled by communication, respect, and boundaries . For a relationship to be healthy, it requires more than just shared interests and strong feelings for each other. It requires two people who truly understand and care for each other, while also caring for themselves.

Here are the most important characteristics of a healthy relationship:

You respect each other

Respect is one of the most important characteristics of a healthy relationship. Once the chase is over, some people can forget about tending to their partner's feelings and needs. In lasting, healthy relationships, partners value each other and take care with their words, actions, and behaviors. If you want to be with that person each day, make them feel that way. Likewise, you should receive this care from your partner day in and day out.

You're vulnerable with each other

Good communication is a necessary quality of a healthy relationship. If you're not willing to share what's going on with you or what you need from your partner, you're not going to get what you need. Yet people—out of shame or a habit built over a lifetime of bottling up our feelings—don't want to let anyone else in on what's going on with us. If you can trust your partner enough to share your feelings, you're more likely to find yourself in a safe relationship that lasts.

RELATED: How Lack Of Communication Can Sneakily Ruin Relationships

You have total trust in each other

Healthy relationships require trust. You have to be willing to trust your partner not only with your feelings but with your weaknesses. You will have to learn trust at the emotional, physical, and spiritual level. Trust takes practice and is earned one step at a time. Even when trust is broken , you can find a way to repair a breach in trust if you're willing to work on it.

You both maintain unwavering honesty

In a healthy relationship, you have to be willing to share what's going on, no matter how ugly. You can't hide behind lies and deception if you want your relationship to last. If you can't believe your partner when they tell you something, or if your partner is hiding things from you, it's going to be hard for you to feel safe. Honesty helps foster trust and a belief in each other, which is crucial to making it over the long haul. (Here's what open and honest communication in a relationship looks like.)

There's mutual empathy

Another key quality of a healthy relationship is empathy . Empathy means trying to understand what your partner is feeling. It isn't about trying to fix your partner's concerns and problems, necessarily, but about being able to be there for them. If you can pay more attention to what's going on with your partner and strive to see things through their eyes, you will find yourself getting closer over time rather than more distant.

You both prioritize kindness

Do all the things for your partner that you would do for your best friend. Try to anticipate their needs. Think about what they need help with and try to be there for them. Cut out the behavior that gets on their nerves, and find ways to uplift your partner. Thoughtfulness, consideration, and kindness is the recipe for healthy relationships.

You respect each other's boundaries

It's important not to forget that you're two separate people with separate needs, including some needs that you may not share. You will not agree on everything, and sometimes you may not want the same things. It's important to respect these differences and not push each other's boundaries , including emotional boundaries, physical boundaries, and any other types of boundaries . Boundaries are a necessary characteristic of a healthy relationship.

You're both totally committed

You have to be committed to your partner, yes. But more than commitment to your partner, you have to be committed to the relationship. If you think about the health and future of the relationship instead of just your own, you're likely to take more constructive actions and behave differently. It's not just about getting your needs met. It's about replenishing the fire so your relationship can last. That's what a healthy relationship is all about.

You're both thoughtful

Thoughtfulness is a characteristic of a healthy relationship that often gets overlooked because it can be hard to articulate. Essentially, thoughtfulness means keeping your partner in mind and striving to do things that will make their lives better. It's knowing their preferences, opinions, and quirks so you're able to dance with them, not fight them with. The better you know your partner, the more you can practice thoughtfulness. What can you do today to help them or improve their lives? What can you do today to make your partner's day?

You can forgive each other

Any partner will have qualities, characteristics, and behaviors that push your buttons. To make your relationship last, you have to accept your partner unconditionally—quirks, behavior, flaws, and all.

Likewise, you will sometimes feel hurt throughout a relationship because we're all humans who make mistakes. The key is to forgive quickly, let go of grudges, and start over each day. Yes, this is easier said than done, but forgiveness is crucial to the long-term health of the relationship. You have to let go of trespasses and also be willing to ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness takes courage, vulnerability, and practice.

Of course, forgiveness doesn't mean being a pushover or accepting mistreatment from your partner. There are many signs of an abusive relationship that aren't physical to be aware of. In a healthy relationship, you first you make the commitment to accept them completely. Then, you speak up and say what it is that's bothering you. If hurtful actions continue, it may be a sign you should break up .

RELATED: Unconditional Love: How To Give It & Know If It's Healthy

You're gentle with each other

Gentleness comes through in thoughts, words, actions, and your general state of being. It's understanding and accepting your partner completely and treating them delicately. It's not yelling, not name-calling, and not being verbally or emotionally harsh with each other.

Gentleness is treating your partner in a respectful, kind, and compassionate way. It's recognizing your soulful connection and appreciating their inherent humanness.

There's a lot of affection

After some time in relationships, we often forget to show love and affection toward our partners. But affection is a key quality of a healthy relationship. It's the stuff that make relationships great.

Affection can be as simple as touching, holding, or kissing your partner for no reason at all. It's a warm embrace, a light touch, a loving word, or any other small way you can show your partner that you love them.

To be most affectionate, you have to know how your partner receives love best and do more of that. Is it a loving word, a thoughtful gesture, help around the house, or doing something special for them? The better you know what your partner enjoys, the more affectionate you can be.

The love languages quiz can help you figure out how you and your partner can most effectively show your love to each other.

You consistently appreciate each other

Gratitude is another key quality of a healthy relationship. We all take our partners for granted sometimes. If you can regularly remind yourself how lucky you are and how valuable your partner is, and tell them so, you will boost the happiness and longevity of your relationship. Partners who stay together appreciate each other and compliment each other. Recognize what your partner is doing, and let them know that you're thankful for it.

You both feel validated by the other

Most of the time, people don't really understand us. Everyone has different opinions, and needing to always be right can negatively affect your relationship. Validating your partner shows them that you're on their side. When you understand and accept what they say, they feel fully seen, heard, and accepted. It's acknowledging what your partner is saying to you and showing them that you get them—you understand what they're saying and experiencing. When you validate, you accept. And when you accept, you show unconditional love , which is ultimately what keeps people and relationships together in the long run.

Now that you know the characteristics, here are some tips on how to have a healthy relationship .

Enjoy some of our favorite clips from classes

What Is Meditation?

Mindfulness/Spirituality | Light Watkins

Box Breathing

Mindfulness/Spirituality | Gwen Dittmar

What Breathwork Can Address

The 8 limbs of yoga - what is asana.

Yoga | Caley Alyssa

Two Standing Postures to Open Up Tight Hips

How plants can optimize athletic performance.

Nutrition | Rich Roll

What to Eat Before a Workout

How ayurveda helps us navigate modern life.

Nutrition | Sahara Rose

Messages About Love & Relationships

Love & Relationships | Esther Perel

Love Languages

More on this topic.

Reviewers Are Buying Two Of This Vibrator (So They're Never Without One)

Carleigh Ferrante

How Do You Want To Parent Your Kids? A Psychotherapist's 5 Tips To Identifying Parenting Philosophies

Lia Avellino, LCSW

Is Your Kid Dealing With "Big Feelings"? This Science-Backed Protocol Might Help

Kimberly Snyder

Women Are Calling This Tiny Vibrator A Game-Changer For Their Sex Lives (& It's Oh-So-Quiet)

This Workout Is A+ For Muscle Gains, Heart Health, & Longevity, MDs Say

Hannah Frye

Research Shows The Time Of Day You Exercise May Actually Affect Fitness Results

Merrell Readman

Popular Stories

12 Elements of Healthy Relationships

In every relationship , it’s important to consider how we treat  one an other.  Whether it’s  romantic , platonic , familial, intimate , or sexual , your relationship  with another should be respectful, honest, and fun.  

When relationships are healthy, they promote  emotional and social  well ness .  When relationships are unhealthy,  you  may feel drained, overwhelmed, and  invisible .   

In a pandemic, it’s even more important to consid er how you engage with others.   B oundaries, communication, and time apart  are vital to having relationships everyone  involved  feels good about.   Reflect on your current relationships and consider how you can incorporate the  elements  listed below:  

• Communication . The way you talk with friends or partners is an important part of a relationship. Everyone involved should be able to communicate feelings, opinions, and beliefs. When communicating, consider tone and phrasing. Miscommunication often occurs when individuals choose to text versus talking in person or a phone call. Figuring out the best ways to express your feelings together will help eliminate miscommunication.
• Boundaries . Boundaries are physical, emotional, and mental limits or guidelines a person sets for themselves which others need to respect. You and your partners or friends should feel comfortable in the activities you are doing together. All individuals involved should be respectful of boundaries. Whether it’s romantic, sexual, or platonic, consider what you want the relationship to look like and discuss it with the other(s).
• Consent . Consent is important in all relationships. Consent is uncoerced permission to interact with the body or the life of another person. Coercion can look like pressure to do something, physical force, bargaining, or someone holding power over another to get what they want. Consent can look like asking about boundaries in relationships, actively listening to responses, and always respecting those boundaries.
• Trust . Each person in the relationship should have confidence in one another. If you are questioning whether to trust someone, it may be important to communicate your feelings to them. Consider what makes you not trust someone. Is it something they did, or is it something you’ve experienced in other relationships?
• Honesty . Honesty is important for communication. Each person within the relationship or friendship should have the opportunity to express their feelings and concerns. If you don’t feel comfortable being honest with someone, consider why and seek support if needed.
• Independence . It’s important to have time to yourself in any relationship. Having opportunities to hang with others or time for self-care is important to maintain a healthy relationship. If you live with your partner(s) or friend(s), set up designated areas within your place where you can spend time alone.
• Equality . Each person in the relationship should have an equal say in what’s going on. Listen to each other and respect boundaries.
• Support . Each person in the relationship should feel supported. It’s important to have compassion and empathy for one another. In addition to supporting one another, it’s important to recognize your own needs and communicate boundaries around support.
• Responsibility . Some days you may find you said something hurtful or made a mistake. Make sure to take responsibility for your actions and do not place the blame on your partner(s) or friend(s). Taking responsibility for your actions will further trust and honesty.
• Healthy conflict . You may think conflict is a sign of an unhealthy relationship, but talking about issues or disagreements is normal. You won’t find a person that has the exact same interests, opinions, and beliefs as you; thus, at times disagreements may occur. Communicating your feelings and opinions while being respectful and kind is part of a healthy relationship.
• Safety . Safety is the foundation of connection in a relationship. In order to set boundaries, communicate, and have fun, everyone must feel safe. If you do not feel safe to express your feelings, have independence, or anything else on this list, seek support using the resources below.
• Fun . In addition to all these components, you should be enjoying the time you spend with others. Again, it’s important that your relationships promote your well-being and do not diminish it.

Want to learn more about healthy relationships? Check out this quiz by Love is Respect , a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline .

If you or someone you know is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the university has confidential, non-confidential, and peer-led resources you can contact for help and support.

Confidential resources provide assistance and support and information shared is protected and cannot be reported unless given explicit permission from the individual that disclosed; there is imminent threat of harm to the individual or others; the conduct involves suspected abuse of a minor under the age of 18; or otherwise permitted by law or court order.

Non-confidential resources are available to provide support or assistance to individuals but are not confidential and may have broader obligations to report information. Non-confidential resources will report information only to the necessary departments, such as Office of Institutional Equity (OIE).

Peer-led resources are available to provide support and assistance. Services are provided by Johns Hopkins students, and are non-confidential.

Hopkins Confidential Resources

• Counseling Center : 410-516-8278 (press 1 for the on-call counselor). Serves all full-time undergraduate & graduate students from KSAS, WSE, and Peabody.
• Counseling Center Sexual Assault HelpLine: 410-516-7333. Serves all Johns Hopkins students.
• Student Health and Wellness Center : 410-516-4784. Serves all full-time, part-time, and visiting undergraduate and graduate students from KSAS, WSE, and Peabody. Serves post-doctoral fellows enrolled in KSAS, WSE, School of Education, and Sheridan Libraries.
• Religious and Spiritual Life : 410-516-1880.
• Gender Violence Prevention and Education: Alyse Campbell, [email protected] , book a time to chat at: tinyurl.com/MeetwAlyse . Serves all Johns Hopkins students.
• University Health Services (UHS): 410-955-3250
• Mental Health Services : 410-955-1892
• Johns Hopkins Student Assistance Program (JHSAP): 443-287-7000. Serves graduate, medical, and professional students, and immediate family members.

Hopkins Non-confidential Resources

• Hopkins Sexual Assault Response and Prevention website
• Campus Safety and Security : 410-516-7777
• Office of LGBTQ Life : [email protected]
• Office of Institutional Equity : 410-516-8075
• Office of the Dean of Student Life : 410-516-8208

Peer-Led Resources

• Sexual Assault Resource Unit (SARU): Private hotline: 410-516-7887. Serves all Johns Hopkins students.
• A Place to Talk (available on Zoom). Serves Homewood undergrads.

Community Resources

• TurnAround Inc. Hotline : 443-279-0379
• Rape, Abuse, and Incest, National Network : National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
• Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault (MCASA)
• Love Is Respect
• Environmental (46)
• Financial (49)
• Mental (187)
• Physical (265)
• Professional (160)
• Sexual (68)
• Social (161)
• Spiritual (23)
• February 2024
• January 2024
• December 2023
• November 2023
• October 2023
• September 2023
• August 2023
• February 2023
• January 2023
• December 2022
• November 2022
• October 2022
• September 2022
• August 2022
• February 2022
• January 2022
• December 2021
• November 2021
• October 2021
• September 2021
• August 2021
• February 2021
• January 2021
• December 2020
• November 2020
• October 2020
• September 2020
• August 2020

Essays About Relationships: Top 5 Examples Plus 8 Prompts

With rich essays about relationships plus prompts, this writing guide could help you contemplate relationships, including your own.

Healthy relationships come with the rewards of intimacy, love, and the support we need. Learning to preserve healthy relationships and throw out harmful ones is a critical skill to lead a successful life. That is exactly why Warren Buffet , one of the most successful investors, said the most important decision you will make is your choice of a significant partner. 

There are several types of relationships your essay could focus on in your next piece of writing. Take a leap and tackle intimate individual-level relationships or community or even global-level relationships. You might also be interested in our list of books to read after a breakup .

5 Essay Examples

1. relationship weight gain is real — and can be a sign of happiness by angela haupt, 2. what does it mean to be ‘ready’ for a relationship by julie beck, 3. why adult children cut ties with their parents by sharon martin, 4. a relationship under extreme duress: u.s.-china relations at a crossroads by michael d. swaine, 5. how to build strong business relationships — remotely by jeanne m. brett and tyree mitchell, 1. strengthening communication in relationships, 2. helping children build healthy friendships, 3. how social media affects our relationships , 4. establishing relationships with influencers, 5. importance of police-community relationships, 6. dealing with challenging work relationships, 7. promoting cross-cultural relationships among schools, 8. why do long-term relationships fail.

“…[A]mong those who had been married for more than four years, happy couples were twice as likely to put on weight than couples who reported not being as content with their relationship.”

Gaining pounds when you’re in a relationship is real. This essay backs it up with research and even seeks to answer who puts on the most pounds in the relationship. For those hoping to transform their lifestyle, the essay offers practical tips couples can do together to lose pounds while protecting the relationship and preserving the joy that brought them together. You might also be interested in these essays about divorce .

“Readiness, then, is not a result of achieving certain life milestones, or perfect mental health. And checking off items on a checklist doesn’t guarantee a relationship when the checklist is complete.”

People have a variety of reasons for not being ready to commit to a relationship. They may be more committed to developing their careers or simply enjoy the solitude of singlehood. But this essay debunks the concept of readiness for building relationships. Through interviews, one finds that relationships can happen when you least expect them. You might also be interested in these essays about reflection .

“Parent-child relationships, in particular, are expected to be unwavering and unconditional. But this isn’t always the case—some adults cut ties with or distance themselves from their parents or other family members.”

No matter how painful it is, some adults decide to cut off family members to heal from a toxic or abusive childhood relationship or protect themselves if the abuse or toxicity continues. In exploring the primary causes of estrangement, the well-researched essay shows that estrangement may run deep with years of conflict and many attempts to recover the relationship, rather than merely being the whim of selfish adults.

“…Beijing and Washington are transitioning from a sometimes contentious yet mutually beneficial relationship to an increasingly antagonistic, mutually destructive set of interactions.”

The essay charts the 40-year relationship between China and the US and points out how both parties have mutually benefited from the bilateral relations. This starkly contrasts Washington’s accusation that the relationship has been a zero-sum game, one of the numerous oft-heard allegations in the Washington community. But with the looming increase in tension, competition, and potentially a devastating Cold War between the two, parties must work to find a middle ground.

“Although many managers have adapted to virtual meetings to replace face-to-face ones as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic, developing new business relationships online presents a particular set of challenges.”

Authors interview 82 managers pre-pandemic and reconnect with some during the health crisis to find out how they have been building relationships with business partners through virtual meetings. Most admit the challenge of establishing trust and assessing partners’ competency, especially when billion-dollar deals are at stake. The authors offer four key pieces of advice to overcome these difficulties. You might find our guide on how to write a vow helpful.

8 Writing Prompts On Essays About Relationships

We all know that communication is what strengthens relationships. But this is easier said than done when both sides want to talk and not listen. For this prompt, discuss the importance of open communication in relationships. Then, offer tips on how to improve communication in relationships and deal with communication gaps. One scenario you can look into is discussing problems in a relationship without getting into a heated debate.

In this essay, you can help parents become effective coaches for their children to make and keep friends. Warn them against being too authoritative in directing their children and instead allow the kids to be part of the ongoing conversation. Give your readers tips on how to build friendships such as promoting kindness, sharing, and understanding from a young age. You may also enjoy these essays about friendships .

When writing this essay, list the positive and negative effects of social media on relationships. A positive outcome of having social media is 24/7 access to our loved ones. One negative effect includes decreased time for more meaningful physical bonding. So, provide tips on how people in relationships can start putting down their mobile phones and talk heart-to-heart again. 

Influencer marketing has become one of the most popular and effective ways to spread your brand message on social media. First, explore why consumers trust influencers as credible product or service review sources. Then, try to answer some of the burning questions your readers may have, such as whether influencer marketing works for big and small businesses and how to choose the perfect influencer to endorse your brand.

In a working police-community relationship, police officials and community members work together to fight crime through information-sharing and other measures. Discuss this interesting topic for an exciting essay.

First, look into the level of working relationship between the police and your community through existing enforcement programs. Then, with the data gathered, analyze how they cooperate to improve your community. You can also build on the United States Department of Justice’s recommendations to lay down the best practices for strengthening police-community relationships. 

Amid competition, a workplace must still be conducive to cooperative relationships among employees to work on shared goals. Create an essay that enumerates the negative effects of work relationships on employee productivity and an office’s overall performance. Then cite tips on what managers and employees can do to maintain a professional and diplomatic atmosphere in the workplace. You can include points from the University of Queensland recommendations, including maintaining respect.

Students in a foreign country tend to feel distant from school life and society. Schools have a critical role in helping them feel at home and safe enough to share their ideas confidently. Set out the other benefits school environments can reap from fostering robust cross-cultural relationships and cite best practices. One example of a best practice is the buddy system, where international students are linked to local students, who could help expand their networks in the facility and even show them around the area to reveal its attributes.

When couples make it through the seven-year itch or the average time relationships last, everything down the road is said to be more manageable. However, some couples break up even after decades of being together. Explore the primary causes behind the failure of long-term relationships and consider the first signs that couples are growing distant from each other.

Look into today’s social sentiments and determine whether long-term relationships are declining. If they are, contemplate whether this should be a cause for concern or merely an acceptable change in culture. For help with your essays, check out our round-up of the best essay checkers and our essay writing tips .

Essay on Healthy Relationships

Students are often asked to write an essay on Healthy Relationships in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Healthy Relationships

What is a healthy relationship.

A healthy relationship is like a good friendship. It is when two people spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. They respect each other, listen to each other, and understand each other’s needs. They support each other in good and bad times. A healthy relationship is full of love, trust, and happiness.

Importance of Communication

Talking and listening are important in a healthy relationship. It helps people understand each other better. They can share their feelings, thoughts, and ideas. Good communication also helps to solve problems and avoid misunderstandings.

Trust and Honesty

Trust and honesty are key in a healthy relationship. Trust means believing in the other person. Honesty means telling the truth. Both help to build a strong and loving relationship. They make people feel safe and comfortable with each other.

Respect and Boundaries

Respect is treating others the way you want to be treated. It is about valuing the other person’s feelings, thoughts, and choices. Boundaries are also important. They are rules that help people feel safe and comfortable. They protect people’s personal space and freedom.

Dealing with Conflicts

250 words essay on healthy relationships.

A healthy relationship is a bond between two or more people. It is filled with respect, trust, honesty, and good communication. In such relationships, people feel safe and happy. They enjoy spending time together and support each other in good and bad times.

Key Features

There are some important features of a healthy relationship. These include open communication, respect, trust, and equality. Open communication means that people talk freely about their feelings. Respect means that they value each other’s opinions and feelings. Trust means that they believe in each other. Equality means that they treat each other as equals.

Why are Healthy Relationships Important?

Healthy relationships are important for our well-being. They make us feel happy and secure. They also help us grow as individuals. In a healthy relationship, we learn to trust and respect others. We also learn to communicate our feelings in a better way.

How to Build Healthy Relationships?

Building a healthy relationship takes effort. It starts with respect and trust. We should respect each other’s feelings and trust each other. We should also communicate openly. If there is a problem, we should talk about it and find a solution together. We should also spend quality time together. This helps to strengthen the bond.

In conclusion, a healthy relationship is a beautiful bond. It is filled with respect, trust, and good communication. It makes us feel happy and secure. It helps us grow as individuals. To build a healthy relationship, we should respect, trust, and communicate openly with each other.

500 Words Essay on Healthy Relationships

Signs of a healthy relationship.

There are many signs of a healthy relationship. One of the most important is respect. This means that each person values the other and understands and respects their rights.

Another sign is trust. Trust is like a strong rope that holds the relationship together. If there is trust, each person feels secure and safe.

Importance of a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships are very important for our happiness and well-being. They give us a sense of belonging and help us feel loved and valued. They also provide support when we face challenges or problems.

Moreover, healthy relationships teach us important life skills. They help us learn how to respect others, how to trust, and how to communicate effectively. These skills are very helpful in all areas of our life.

Building a Healthy Relationship

The first step is to build respect. This can be done by treating the other person with kindness, listening to them, and valuing their opinions.

The second step is to build trust. This can be done by being honest, reliable, and keeping promises.

The third step is to build good communication. This can be done by talking openly about feelings and thoughts, listening carefully, and trying to understand the other person’s point of view.

In conclusion, a healthy relationship is a valuable part of our lives. It is built on respect, trust, and good communication. It brings us joy and helps us grow as individuals. Building a healthy relationship takes time and effort, but the rewards are worth it. Remember, everyone deserves to be in a healthy and happy relationship.

This essay is a simple guide to understanding the concept of healthy relationships. It is important to remember that each relationship is unique and may require different approaches. But the basic principles of respect, trust, and communication always remain the same.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Healthy Relationships: Definition, Why They’re Good for You, and How to Foster Them

Think about the many kinds of relationships you have in your life — not just any romantic ones, but also the friendships and the relationships you may have with your parents, children, coworkers, and boss.

You can probably count many. Humans have a natural desire to be close to other people, according to  Northwestern Medicine .

Relationships fill your time, and they fill your cup. Plus, they serve you: Healthy relationships can make your life not only happier, but healthier.

But what exactly makes a relationship healthy? And how can you tell the difference between a healthy one and an unhealthy one? Here, learn more about the ins and outs of healthy relationships and how you can nurture the ones you have in your life.

Common Questions & Answers

What is a healthy relationship.

A healthy relationship is a partnership between two people that is based on respect and trust, according to the  University of Alabama . Both partners in the relationship should feel safe and be willing to work on any imbalances if and when those issues show up.

Of course, some relationships won’t be perfectly balanced (in terms of power), such as professional ones and those between a parent and child, says Cassandra Aasmundsen-Fry, PsyD , a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of MindWell, who is based in Kuala Lumpur. “This does not make the relationship unhealthy, unless there is an abuse of that power or neglect of responsibility,” she says. (One of Dr. Aasmundsen-Fry’s specialties is with couples and relationships.)

Some experts say the most important aspect of a healthy relationship is good communication. But there’s more to it than that.

Here are some signs of a healthy relationship, according to Northwestern Medicine:

• Listening and communicating without judgment
• Trusting and respecting one another
• Making time for each other
• Remembering details about one’s life
• Participating in healthy activities together
• Working as a team
• Feeling whole as individuals, rather than leaning on the partner for healing
• Focusing on how the relationship can be mutually beneficial

Kelli Harding, MD, MPH , an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University Irving Medical Center in New York City, says teamwork is at the heart of positive relationships. “What’s key to healthy relationships is a sense of teamwork and facing challenges together,” says Dr. Harding, whose work involves speaking with schools, community groups, and organizations to foster cultures of kindness and positive social connection. “Healthy relationships are not perfect; they’re meaningful and help you grow as a person by making mistakes and learning to overcome them.”

Types of Healthy Relationships

All the different types of relationships in your life serve a purpose and can help you in distinct ways. Consider the following relationships:

• Romantic Romantic partnerships come with their own set of signs of healthfulness , including a need to communicate about intimacy to ensure both partners are satisfied, according to Northwestern Medicine. “In a romantic relationship, two or more individuals are intimately connected and share trust, respect, fondness, and a mutual desire to support and grow together and as individuals,” Aasmundsen-Fry says. These intimate relationships are important because they enhance emotional bonding and contribute to the development of a positive self-concept and greater social integration, according to a systematic review published in July 2019 in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health .
• Parent-Child A healthy parent-child relationship can set the child up to have positive relationships in the future, regulate their emotions appropriately, develop confidence, and develop appropriately, according to  Parenting NI , a parenting resource in Northern Ireland. A healthy parent-child relationship is marked by loving interactions, set boundaries, and a willingness to problem solve.
• Sibling Healthy sibling relationships promote empathy, social behavior, and academic achievement, according to the  University of New Mexico . “The relationship may not feel equal at all times and may have more conflict than that in other relationships, but a willingness to communicate and work through issues should be present,” Aasmundsen-Fry says. “A close, healthy sibling relationship would involve confiding, spending time together, and involving each other in their lives and important events.”
• Friendship  Having close friends benefits you in many ways; they help prevent loneliness, increase your sense of belonging, boost your happiness and self-worth, and help you cope with hardships, according to Mayo Clinic . Like other relationships, healthy friendships are built on trust and respect and make you feel good. (So, yes, it is worthwhile to reconnect with friends you’ve grown apart from .)
• Mentor-Mentee These relationships are built on trust, respect, open communication, perseverance to overcome obstacle, and an understanding of the other’s perspective, according to  Yale University . However, there’s a definite power imbalance here, which makes it different from other relationships, Aasmundsen-Fry says. Still, the relationship should be rewarding for both parties. “The mentee benefits the most by receiving the guidance, advice, and training while growing professionally in a way that education alone cannot provide,” Aasmundsen-Fry says. “Mentors gain meaning and satisfaction out of the supervision and guidance of a mentee as well, especially when free choice is involved.”
• Parasocial Relationships These are one-sided relationships where one party invests time, energy, and interest toward the other party, and the other party is not aware they exist, according to the National Register of Health Service Psychologists . “These relationships tend to be long-lasting and involve the individual investing significant time and energy into the ‘relationship,’ while the public figure is not aware of their existence,” says Jessica Leader , a licensed marriage and family therapist with Root to Rise Therapy in Los Angeles. These relationships can skew unhealthy if they morph into stalking, but for the most part these relationships are healthy and harmless. These relationships can help people build confidence in social interactions and may also foster identity development, according to a study published February 2017 in Frontiers in Psychology .

How Your Relationships Affect Your Health

Relationships can affect our emotional, mental, and physical health in profound ways. ”Our social world is a critical and overlooked part of health,” Dr. Harding says. “From the moment we’re born, healthy relationships help us survive and thrive.”

Research has shown positive relationships can have the following benefits:

• Reduce Stress A  study published May 2018 in Genus noted social relationships can act as a buffer to lessen the effects of stressful life events.
• Keep You Healthy A  study published May 2016 in the Association for Psychological Science found increased sociability decreased the likelihood of developing a cold.
• Help You Live Longer Previous research found stronger social relationships reduced risk of earlier death by 50 percent.
• Improve Well-Being Previous research found friendships can help people learn, grow, explore, achieve goals, cultivate new talents, and find purpose and meaning in life.

The flip side — not having relationships — can also negatively impact your health. According to the  National Institutes of Health (NIH) , loneliness can lead to depression, poor health, and an increased risk of early death.

But you probably don’t need studies to tell you about the benefits of healthy relationships — you likely know this from experience. “Just think about how good it feels to have a friend’s supportive hand on your shoulder, a hug from a loved one, or a good laugh with a friend over a lousy situation,” Harding says.

When Relationships Are Not Good for Your Health

Not all relationships are healthy.

What Is a Toxic Relationship?

Some relationships are toxic , which involves an unhealthy cycle of communication that’s not always deliberate, Leader says.

According to DomesticShelters.org , a site from the nonprofit Theresa’s Fund that spreads awareness on domestic violence, a toxic relationship is one that leans unhealthy for some reason, such as if boundaries aren’t being respected or there’s a lack of respect in general. It doesn’t mean that abuse is present, but it can escalate into an abusive relationship.

Sometimes people exhibit toxic behaviors when they’re going through a tough time, Aasmundsen-Fry says. They can also be more common among those who had unhealthy relationships in early life, according to the NIH.

In toxic relationships, one might start lying or picking fights with their partner even though they do not intend to have power or control over them, Aasmundsen-Fry says.

What Is an Abusive Relationship?

Abusive relationships, on the other hand, do involve one person trying to remain in control and with power in the relationship, according to  Planned Parenthood . These relationships feature abuse in some capacity: physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional. When a romantic partner is involved, the abuse is called domestic or intimate partner violence, which involves a partner exhibiting behaviors where they try to control or have power over the other person.

Typically, the person being abused will be forced by the abuser to withdraw from friends and family.“This is usually done to keep the abused person isolated and easier to manipulate,” Aasmundsen-Fry says.

Other Ways a Relationship Can Be Unhealthy

Maybe you’re in a relationship that’s not necessarily toxic or abusive, but you’re not benefiting from it. “I would consider these relationships as one-directional or uneven,” Aasmundsen-Fry says, adding that’s more of a way of characterizing the relationship than a clinical term. “Often these occur when both people have misaligned goals or one person is more committed to the relationship or emotionally available. It usually leaves one or both people feeling disappointed as their needs are not met.”

Wondering if you’re in an unhealthy relationship? Foundry BC , an organization from the British Columbia government focused on wellness, suggests asking yourself these questions to determine if it’s healthy or not. These questions were written to assess a romantic relationship, but many apply to other relationships as well:

• Do I feel safe with my partner?
• Can I be myself around this person?
• Can I tell them how I really feel?
• Do we listen to one another’s concerns?
• Do I trust them?
• Is the power balance equal?
• Does my partner support me?
• Do they try things I like?
• Do I feel good about myself when I’m with them?
• Am I happy in the relationship?

4 Tips for Fostering Healthier Relationships

To build and grow healthier relationships, consider the following tips:

• Be present. “Your attention — especially in the small moments of everyday life — is the greatest gift you can give another human being,” Harding says. “When you are in person, please put away your phone, make eye contact, and just be present.”
• Be clear about what you need. “Don’t make your partner or peer guess — it sets you both up to fail,” Aasmundsen-Fry says.
• Offer gratitude. “A thoughtful thank you note, text, small gift, or action can delight and surprise others,” Harding says. “Even a text message saying, ‘I’m thinking of you and am so glad you are a part of my life,’ can make a difference.”
• Consider therapy. “If you have had a difficult history of relationships, take some time in therapy to understand your attachment struggles and how to operate in a healthier manner in relationships,” Aasmundsen-Fry says. “It is very helpful to understand the ways you unconsciously act or are triggered in relationships and to be empowered to choose differently.”

Planned Parenthood also suggests it’s important to love yourself, support one another, give each other some space when needed, and forgive and ask for forgiveness when needed.

Editorial Sources and Fact-Checking

Everyday Health follows strict sourcing guidelines to ensure the accuracy of its content, outlined in our editorial policy . We use only trustworthy sources, including peer-reviewed studies, board-certified medical experts, patients with lived experience, and information from top institutions.

• 5 Benefits of Healthy Relationships. Northwestern Medicine . September 2021.
• Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships. The University of Alabama .
• Mercedes Gómez-López M, Viejo C, Ortega-Ruiz R. Well-Being and Romantic Relationships: A Systematic Review in Adolescence and Emerging Adulthood. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health . July 2019.
• Parent-Child Relationship — Why It’s Important. ParentingIN .
• Sidhu S. The Importance of Siblings.  The University of New Mexico Health Sciences . January 7, 2019.
• Friendships: Enrich Your Life and Improve Your Health. Mayo Clinic . January 12, 2022.
• Step 3: What Makes a Mentoring Relationship Successful? Yale University .
• Parasocial Relationships: The Nature of Celebrity Fascinations. National Register of Health Service Psychologists .
• Building Social Bonds. National Institutes of Health . April 2018.
• What Makes a Relationship Unhealthy? Planned Parenthood .
• 10 Questions to Ask Yourself to Make Sure You’re in a Healthy Relationship. FoundryBC .
• Healthy Relationships. Planned Parenthood .
• Holt-Lunstad J, Smith TB, Layton JB. Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-Analytic Review. PLoS Medicine . July 27, 2010.
• Cohen S, Doyle WJ, Skoner DP, et al. Sociability and Susceptibility to the Common Cold. Association for Psychological Science . May 6, 2016.
• Amati V, Meggiolaro S, Rivellini G, et al. Social Relations and Life Satisfaction: The Role of Friends. Genus . May 4, 2018.
• Feeney BC, Collins NL. A New Look at Social Support: A Theoretical Perspective on Thriving Through Relationships. Society for Personality and Social Psychology . August 14, 2014.
• Gleason TR, Theran SA, Newberg EM. Adolescence. Frontiers in Psychology . February 2017.
• Kippert A. Signs of a Toxic Relationship. DomesticShelters.org . December 27, 2021.

Greater Good Science Center • Magazine • In Action • In Education

10 Pillars of a Strong Relationship

Your performance evaluation at work comes in, and it’s glowing. However, there’s one area that “needs improvement.” Days later, which part do you think about?

The negative, of course. Part of you knows it’s ridiculous to let that one thing bother you. After all, there’s a lot more good in there than bad, but you can’t seem to help it.

Unfortunately, we do the same thing in our romantic relationships. We all have a negativity bias , or tendency to focus on the bad aspects of experiences. This makes us more critical of our relationship than we should be. Along the way, we take the good times for granted and they become an under-appreciated part of our partnership. But the problems? They stand out. Our partner’s insensitive comments, moods, and messiness regularly capture our full attention.

Mix this into a relationship that has lost a bit of its spark, and it can be hard to notice anything other than the problems. As Daniel Kahneman describes in Thinking, Fast and Slow , we tend to only see what’s right in front of us and overlook what’s not there at the moment. When problems are all that you see, it feels like that’s all your relationship is.

In fact, we have such a strong tendency to pick up on the bad stuff that we may even manufacture problems that don’t exist. A study published in Science suggests that if our relationship doesn’t have any major issues, we’re more likely to take what once would have been considered a small issue and feel it’s more problematic.

When we spend our time worrying about the wrong things, we don’t have time to appreciate what’s going right. Not only does this mean our view of the relationship is skewed, but it also means we’re missing out on a meaningful opportunity. While working on problems is one way to improve a long-term relationship, it’s just as important to reflect on your partner’s good qualities and the positive aspects of your connection.

The pillars of healthy relationships

To shift your perspective, start by paying more attention to the facets of your relationship that are stable, consistent, and comfortable. Those peaceful, drama-free, status-quo elements are easy to forget, but they’re sources of strength.

Below are 10 key pillars of healthy relationships that research suggests are key to a satisfying, lasting bond. Many of these are likely present in your own relationship; you just need to pause and take notice.

1. You can be yourself. You and your partner accept each other for who you are; you don’t try to change each other. You can simply be yourself and show your true identity without worrying if your partner will judge you. That’s helpful because research shows that partners who accept each other tend to be more satisfied with their relationships. 

2. You are BFFs. In many ways, your romantic partner is your best friend, and you’re theirs. That’s good news because research suggests that romantic partners who emphasize friendship tend to be more committed and experience more sexual gratification. Romantic relationships that value friendship emphasize emotional support, intimacy, affection, and maintaining a strong bond. They also focus on meeting needs related to caregiving, security, and companionship. 

3. You feel comfortable and close. Getting close to someone isn’t always easy. But in your relationship, you’ve worked through that and are quite comfortable sharing feelings, relying on each other, and being emotionally intimate. Even if vulnerability can be challenging at times, you’ve learned to trust your partner and find it brings you closer. You no longer put up emotional walls and don’t constantly worry about your partner leaving, which provides a sense of stability . 

4. You’re more alike than different. You and your partner have a lot in common, and key areas of similarity may help make your relationship more satisfying , new research suggests. Sure, the differences stand out, but beyond those few contrasts, you’re similar in a lot of ways. For example, your partner may enjoy superhero movies while you enjoy rom-coms. Though that feels like a major contrast, you’re both homebodies who enjoy making a meal together then crashing on the couch to watch TV shows where you can debate others’ life choices, make fun of awkward dialogue, and try to guess the next plot twist. Ultimately, you have a lot more in common than you have differences.

Greater Good in Spanish

Read this article in Spanish on La Red Hispana, the public-facing media outlet and distribution house of HCN , focused on educating, inspiring, and informing 40 million U.S. Hispanics.

5. You feel like a team. Words matter. When you talk, do you often use words like “we,” “us,” and “our?” If someone asks, “What’s your favorite show to binge-watch?,” do you reply with, “We have started watching Schitt’s Creek ”? That use of “we” shows a strong sense of cognitive closeness, or shared identity, in your relationship. Research suggests that couples who are interconnected like this tend to be more satisfied and committed . 

6. They make you a better person. Your partner helps you refine and improve who you are. Here, your partner doesn’t take charge and tell you how to change, but rather supports your choices for self-growth . Together, you seek out new and interesting experiences that contribute to a feeling of self-development. According to relationship researchers, when you expand and grow as a person, your relationship does, too .

7. You share the power. While partners may have their areas of expertise (for example, one handles lawn care, while the other does interior decorating), partners often share decision making, power, and influence in the relationship. When both partners have a say, relationships are stronger, more satisfied, and more likely to last . And, unsurprisingly, couples are happier when they feel the division of labor in their relationship is fair. 

8. They’re fundamentally good. What do people want in a spouse? It’s surprisingly simple: someone who is reliable, warm, kind, fair, trustworthy, and intelligent . Though these traits aren’t flashy and may not immediately come to mind when creating your partner wish list, they provide the foundation for a resilient relationship. Research suggests that when partners have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities, they tend to be more satisfied in their relationship. 

9. You trust each other. We need to be able to rely on our partner, which comes from a sense of trust. Not only do we trust our partner with the password to our phone, or with access to our bank account, we know that our partner always has our best interests in mind and will be there for us when we need them. Research suggests this is a positive cycle : Trust encourages greater commitment, which encourages greater trust.

10. You don’t have serious issues. There are problems, and then there are PROBLEMS. Sometimes it’s easy to forget about all of the problems and major red flags we don’t have to deal with. “Dark side” issues like disrespect, cheating, jealousy, and emotional or physical abuse are relationship killers. Sometimes, the light can come from the absence of dark.

Spend a few moments reflecting on how each of these apply to your own relationship. At this point, you may want to give yourself some kind of score to affirm your relationship is in good shape. How many of those 10 pillars do you have? How many do you lack? But that’s not really the point. Chances are, your relationship has elements of all 10. The key is to do a better job of noticing and, where needed, cultivating these foundational areas. Often, strengthening these pillars is as simple as savoring everything in your relationship that works. There’s a lot there when you know what to look for. 

Hopefully, you’ve also noticed areas of strength that aren’t on this list. That’s great, because this list is by no means comprehensive. More importantly, it shows you’re starting to notice more of what works, and not obsessing about what’s broken. 

Of course, you shouldn’t use a few positives to justify staying in a bad relationship. Focusing on strengths is only helpful for those in good relationships looking to make them better. Good relationships are built on mutual respect, love, and friendship between equals.

The lesson here also isn’t to pretend like your relationship doesn’t have issues. Rather, it’s a lot easier to fix those problems when you appreciate how much of your relationship is already going well. Relationships are difficult enough without making them any harder. When you’re only shedding light on what’s wrong, it’s easy to buy into the mistaken belief that your relationship is in trouble. But when you stop taking the good for granted, and give your partner and relationship more credit, you may realize that your relationship is stronger than you think.

About the Author

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D. , is the author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them . He is also an award-winning teacher, researcher, relationship expert, and professor at Monmouth University.

You May Also Enjoy

Five ways to renew an old love.

Three Ways to Improve Your Sex Life in Lockdown

How Love Grows in Your Body

Three Risky Ways to Fall Deeply in Love

Gratitude is for Lovers

What We Can Learn from the Best Marriages

Happy couples: How to keep your relationship healthy

There are steps you can take to keep your relationship healthy and in good working order.

• Parenting, Families, Relationships

Romantic relationships are important for our happiness and well-being but can also take work to maintain. There are steps you can take to keep your relationship healthy and in good working order.

Talking openly

Communication is a key piece of a healthy relationship. Healthy couples make time to check in with one another on a regular basis. It's important to talk about more than just parenting and maintaining the household. Try to spend a few minutes each day discussing deeper or more personal subjects to stay connected to your partner over the long term.

That doesn't mean you should avoid bringing up difficult subjects. Keeping concerns or problems to yourself can breed resentment. When discussing tough topics, though, it pays to be kind. Research shows that the way you communicate with your partner is important and the negative communication patters can have a negative effect on the relationship.

Disagreements are part of any partnership, but some fighting styles are particularly damaging. Couples that use destructive behavior during arguments — such as yelling, resorting to personal criticisms or withdrawing from the discussion — are more likely to break up than are couples that fight constructively. Using constructive strategies like listening to your partner’s point of view and understanding their feelings is a healthier away to deal with disagreements.

Keeping it interesting

Between kids, careers and outside commitments, it can be difficult to stay connected to your partner or be intimate.

To keep things interesting, some couples plan regular date nights. Even dates can get old, though, if you're always renting a movie or going to the same restaurant. Experts recommend breaking out of the routine and trying new things — whether that's going dancing, taking a class together or packing an afternoon picnic.

When should couples seek help?

Every relationship has ups and downs, but some factors are more likely than others to create bumps in a relationship. Finances and parenting decisions often create recurring conflicts, for example. One sign of a problem is having repeated versions of the same fight over and over. In such cases, psychologists can help couples improve communication and find healthy ways to move beyond the conflict.

You don't have to wait until a relationship shows signs of trouble before working to strengthen your union. Marital education programs that teach skills such as good communication, effective listening and dealing with conflict have been shown to reduce the risk of divorce.

Additional resources

Can this marriage be saved?

Making stepfamilies work

Answers to your questions about same-sex marriage

Thanks to psychologists Robin S. Haight, PsyD, and Dan Abrahamson, PhD, who assisted with this article.

Recommended Reading

You may also like

You Don’t Have to Be Healed to Be a Good Partner

I n the wake of a breakup, especially a particularly emotional one, many people wonder how long they should wait to start dating. They may ask themselves if they’re ready to start the process of falling in love again or if it will be too painful. They may feel guilt for having new attractions or wonder what their friends or family will think if they move on in what may seem like a short amount of time post-breakup. But what they may be missing is that sometimes being in a relationship can aid the healing process.

Reality TV has given us glimpses into the messy and nuanced ways that people can move on after breakups. This includes one of the most notorious breakups in reality TV history: Scandoval . In the first episode of the Vanderpump Rules Season 11 reunion , for instance, Ariana Madix discussed her decision to start dating someone in the wake of being cheated on by former partner and cast-mate, Tom Sandoval. “I think it’s gonna be a very long time before I’m gonna be able to be fully processed through all those things,” Madix said. “I don’t wanna put my life on hold for, you know, someday that I may or may not consider myself ‘fully healed.’” This response to the criticism that she and her new boyfriend, Daniel Wai, moved quickly shows that she understands the amount of healing that has yet to come. It’s also clear that as a public figure who works with her ex, it would be difficult to expect herself to be able to process everything as new conflicts continue to arise. Her new relationship is a much-needed anchor.

There’s a social stigma against starting to date too soon after a breakup. The rule of thumb is that it takes half of the duration of the relationship to be fully over the other person. But recent online discussions of this theory reveal how varied the process of healing from a breakup can be. A one-size-fits-all approach can’t possibly work when the nuances of relationships and their impacts differ so widely. Time can't—and shouldn’t—be the only way to measure a process as amorphous as healing a broken heart.

The truth is that people don’t heal or grow in isolation. And you can be a good partner while continuing the process of understanding the impact of your breakup.

The degree to which you need to heal from a breakup isn’t always dependent on the length of the relationship, but rather the emotional intensity and circumstances. Some people grow apart or learn they don’t love each other, and other breakups result from broken trust, cheating, vicious fights, abuse, or neglect. No matter how long the relationship lasts, the effects on the individuals can vary tremendously—and so, too, can the healing process.

Read Now: If You’re Dating Right Now, You’re Brave

There can be a lot to sort through emotionally in the wake of a breakup. Some find that therapy is helpful for processing the emotions that arise. Discourse about mental and emotional health has increased dramatically over the last decade or so, and along with it, the expectation of being in therapy when breakups arise. While therapy has been destigmatized, we’re also in a time of striving to be the best versions of ourselves and avoiding causing harm with our emotional baggage. My recent experience working with clients trying to get back into dating is that they worry about not having done enough self-work to be worthy of partnership, even though they’ve taken on a tremendous amount of personal responsibility to commit to weekly therapy sessions, meditating, and reading up on the best ways to take care of their mental health. Still, they are concerned that any lingering feelings they have from past relationships will taint something new.

Prioritizing mental health, especially during times in our lives when we’ve been negatively impacted, is great. But constantly looking for and trying to heal weaknesses within us can be a barrier to starting new relationships. In fact, in some cases, the quest for self-improvement may just be avoidance. Breakups are one of the worst parts of relationships, so it’s understandable if someone is fearful of jumping back into dating. The desire to be fully healed can put undue stress on someone and keep them perpetually striving for a level of wellness that they believe will make them a more ideal partner. Expectations can become so high that they can’t acknowledge how much their efforts have already helped them heal.

Breakup grief is real, and it’s not a great idea to seek out partners when we’re in deep grief. But there are layers that get healed, bit by bit, and with the assistance of our community, that can fortify us just enough to go back out and experience partnership again. People can be good partners even when they are going through a process of healing. If we all wait for that magical moment when we feel we’ve completely left our past behind us, we’ll miss out on how relationships can actually shape how we heal. New connections can give us a different perspective on love and who we want to be in relationships moving forward.

When we put too much attention on attaining the status of “healed” or waiting a specified amount of time to move on from a past relationship, we may miss out on opportunities to apply what we’ve learned about ourselves and test out new relationship skills we learned in therapy. Taking healthy risks as we move on from breakups can help us see and experience relationships differently. There is no one moment when we will be perfectly ready to take the plunge again, and no amount of time when we will arrive at our best self. And that doesn’t mean that we are less worthy of loving, supportive partnerships.

More Must-Reads from TIME

• How Joe Biden Leads
• Do Less. It’s Good for You
• There's Something Different About Will Smith
• What Animal Studies Are Revealing About Their Minds—and Ours
• What a Hospice Nurse Wants You to Know About Death
• 15 LGBTQ+ Books to Read for Pride
• TIME100 Most Influential Companies 2024
• Want Weekly Recs on What to Watch, Read, and More? Sign Up for Worth Your Time

Contact us at [email protected]

• Relationships

Why Conflict Is Healthy for Relationships

Three things you need to know about communicating consciously in conflict..

Posted March 23, 2017 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

• Why Relationships Matter
• Find a therapist to strengthen relationships

This past weekend, my partner and I flew across the country to go house hunting. This is a recipe for disaster, as evidenced by entire cable networks built around this conflict-ridden activity. We spent a lot of the weekend in agreement, and then in disagreement, feeling overwhelmed and then on the edge of our seat waiting to hear back from the sellers on our offer. And, of course, there was conflict. As a communication professor, I know that conflict can be healthy for relationships, but this doesn’t make conflict any more pleasant when it is happening to me .

A couple days after we arrived home, my husband and I were apologizing to each other about our bad behavior — apologizing and owning your mistakes is one key to making conflict healthy instead of unhealthy — and he said something I thought was quite wise , that it is unfortunate that the person we care for and love the most is often the primary recipient of our negative emotions . He is right: Because I spend most of my time with him and feel most comfortable with him, he has to hear about it when I’m feeling stressed at work and deal with my moods, even though he is the last person I want to burden with my negativity. Many people cringe at the mere thought of conflict, likening it to a tornado, volcanic eruption, or other terrifying natural disaster. Understanding why and how conflict can be useful is the first step to changing our perceptions of conflict.

A large amount of research in the communication field has focused on conflict, since it is such an important and unavoidable part of being in a close relationship. Fortunately, that research has determined that conflict can be quite healthy for relationships. Below I describe three things you need to know about conflict in relationships to harness the good that can come from disagreement.

1. Perhaps the Number One reason why conflict is healthy for relationships is that conflict signals a need for change, for both parties.

Conflict provides an opportunity for making change — if both partners are up for it. Conflict gives you a chance to work on the problems in your relationship.

2. Conflict shows you and your partner that your lives are interdependent .

If they weren’t, then you would not experience conflict, as conflict only comes about when two people whose lives are interdependent hold goals that conflict with one another. For example, my husband and I share a car. This makes us extremely interdependent when it comes to transportation, since we have to coordinate who is using the car when. Often on the weekends, he wants to head out to snowboard, while I want to stay in town and go to a yoga class. Conflict ensues: Whose goal or activity is more important? Can either of us get a ride from someone else? This is a simple conflict that isn’t going to tear our relationship apart, but you get the idea. We are interdependent, yet our goals and what we choose to do with our time sometimes conflicts.

3. Conflict is almost never about what it seems to be about on the surface.

Your partner not taking the trash out tonight isn’t really why you are mad; it is probably something deeper. Perhaps you're really upset because his or her actions indicate that they don't respect your time and the effort you make to keep the house clean. Searching for the deeper reasons for conflict is an important step in improving a relationship, but is not easily done in the heat in the moment. If you have to, take a beat, and let yourself cool down. We operate much more rationally when we are calm and collected. When we are fired up and angry, we tend to say and do things we regret. According to Walter Mischel and his colleagues (2006), we often run on hot emotions when we are in conflict: We are irrational, reactive, and quick to respond. Later, when we cool down, we can be rational, calm, and level headed again. Conflict is a great example of how our thoughts, and then our communication, are influenced by our emotions. When you search for the deeper reasons for conflict, you can address core issues in your relationship, rather than focusing on surface issues. Addressing those core issues can be a healthy outcome of conflict.

Conscious communication asks you to step back, reanalyze the situation as an outsider, and come back to the table to hash out what is really going on between you and your partner.

You must reach deeper into the motivations and concerns of each person. If your partner is unwilling to reach deeper with you, at least reach deep within yourself.

Try this: Break out of mindless cycles of blaming. Forget what you think you know about a person, and get to know them again — even your partner. Ask them questions about why they are upset and what they think you could do to address their concerns. Be open to their suggestions and set aside your pride. Resist the temptation to throw blame back at them, and make the decision to work on yourself instead.

Other helpful Psychology Today articles on conflict in close relationships:

• 7 ways to make conflict healthy
• 7 guidelines to help couples manage conflict

Check out this Tedx talk from my colleague at Utah State University, Clair Canfield .

Mischel, W., DeSmet, A.L., & Kross, E. (2006). Self-regulation in the service of conflict resolution. in M. Deutsch, P. Coleman, & E. Marcus (Eds.), The handbook of conflict resolution: Theory and practice. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, Ph.D. , is an Assistant Professor of Communication, Michigan State University and Director, Family Communication and Relationships Lab.

• Find a Therapist
• Find a Treatment Center
• Find a Psychiatrist
• Find a Support Group
• Find Online Therapy
• United States
• Brooklyn, NY
• Chicago, IL
• Houston, TX
• Los Angeles, CA
• New York, NY
• Portland, OR
• San Diego, CA
• San Francisco, CA
• Seattle, WA
• Washington, DC
• Asperger's
• Bipolar Disorder
• Chronic Pain
• Eating Disorders
• Passive Aggression
• Personality
• Goal Setting
• Positive Psychology
• Stopping Smoking
• Low Sexual Desire
• Child Development
• Self Tests NEW
• Therapy Center
• Diagnosis Dictionary
• Types of Therapy

At any moment, someone’s aggravating behavior or our own bad luck can set us off on an emotional spiral that threatens to derail our entire day. Here’s how we can face our triggers with less reactivity so that we can get on with our lives.

• Emotional Intelligence
• Gaslighting
• Affective Forecasting
• Neuroscience

• Skip to main content
• Skip to secondary menu
• Skip to primary sidebar
• Skip to footer

A Plus Topper

Improve your Grades

Essay on Relationship | Relationship Essay for Students and Children in English

February 7, 2024 by Prasanna

Essay on Relationship: Human is a social animal. To survive and stay happy, he needs to get connected with the people around him. To love and to be loved is the best feeling in the world. The feeling of this love and the connection between two people is what we call a relationship. Right from the family relationship, friendship, acquaintances, and romantic relationship, all are important at one or the other point of life. Having a relationship is thus one of the most important things in life.

You can read more  Essay Writing  about articles, events, people, sports, technology many more.

Long and Short Essays on Relationship for Students and Kids in English

In this article, we have provided a long essay and a short essay, along with ten lines on the topic, to help students write this essay in examinations. Given below is a long essay composed of about 500 words and a short composition comprising 100-150 words on the relationship in English.

Long Essay on Relationship 500 words in English

Relationship essay is usually given to classes 7, 8, 9, and 10.

Having a relationship is very important in everyone’s life. To stay happy, share your feelings, feel loved, have a connection, and know yourself in a better manner you need to have a relationship. As you grow old, the relationship transforms. Thus, we can define relationships as a bond between two people based on mutual likes, understanding, need, or love. Since birth, humans enter into a relationship. Broadly, there are four types of relationships:

Family Relationship: This is the most basic kind of relationship. It comes into existence based on the blood, kinship, marriage, or even adoption. It usually includes family members and relatives like parents, grandparents, children, siblings, cousins, uncle, aunts, and other such family members.

Friendship: As a child grows, he starts meeting people and attending school. It is the time when friendship comes to existence. Based on mutual likes and dislikes, the child befriends. This relationship occurs at every stage. As we grow old, we do make new friends. But friendship is a reciprocal relationship based on trust, care, and faith from both ends.  Friendship is that special God-given gift to humans with whom one can share multiple resonating feelings.

Romantic Relationship: Human has been always hungry for love. It is usually a relationship based on a strong feeling of connectivity based on personality or some physical attributes as well. This relationship usually is seen between husband-wife. It is one of the closest and strongest forms of relationship.

Acquaintances: As we move across daily, we encounter a lot of people that pass by. They are neither friends nor relatives. They can be neighbors, a travel companion, someone you meet at the park, or any other such person. But if such a relationship is treated with respect and care, it can grow to friendship in the future.

Love and trust are such emotions that are most profound in humans. People interact daily which acts as the base for the formation of relationships. For having a good and healthy relationship, the person needs to focus on the basic four attributes. They are communication, trust, respect, and love. For any relationship to flourish and sustain, one needs to have the four pillars incorporated in the deep roots of the relationship.

Every relationship starts when two people communicate. Having a healthy communication is important to share problems and find a solution for them. In the absence of communication, the relationship fails due to mistrust and doubts. Secondly, trust is the foundation of any relationship. Every relationship starting right from family or friends, if the trust is void, then the relationship is bound to end or fall.

Mutual trust and loyalty can be gained when you share your true feelings. The third pillar is respect. In personal as well as professional world respect is very important. If a person respects others, then he gains respect from others. Treating others will respect and care not only gains respect for themselves but also creates a base for a long-term relationship. The last is love. If there is love, there is care. Every person searches for love in their life. Having a relationship full of love makes a person happy and relationship strengthens.

Relationships are not built in a day. They need constant focus and attention. When people have successful and healthy relationships, they bound to stay happy and satisfied. Apart, the quality of life also enhances. Relationships may take time but investing in them can lead you to ‘Happily Ever After’.

Short Essay on Relationship 150 words in English

Relationship essay is usually provided to classes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

A relationship is when two people bond or connects based on the feeling of mutual trust, likes, dislikes, or love. It can be a relationship between family, friends, neighbors, passerby, or any other acquaintances. Having a good relationship is very important to sustain happily. Relationships give a person a chance to get connected with the people around and understand the true self.

Broadly, the relationships are of four types. The family relationship is the relationship based on blood or kinship. The friendship is based on mutual like and dislike. The romantic relationship is based on love and attraction. Lastly, there is an acquaintance which is a relationship with people you encounter but they are neither your friends nor family.

The healthy and successful relationship is based on four pillars. They are communication, trust, respect, and love. These are important to sustain and flourish in all kinds of relationships. These pillars help you share your thoughts and feelings. By doing so, you are in a position to strengthen your relationship. Relationships take time to create and when they grow strong they are forever and you can claim you are in a position of’ happily ever after’.

10 Lines on Relationship Essay in English

• A relationship is when two or more people bond together based on mutual trust, love, care, and connection.
• It is of four types, namely, family relationship, friendship, romantic relationship, and acquaintances.
• Family relationship is based on blood or kinship. Friendship is based on mutual likes and dislikes. A romantic relationship is based on strong attraction and love. Acquaintances are ones you know or meet daily but are neither your friends nor family.
• The pillars of any successful relationship are communication, trust, respect, and love.
• To sustain any relationship, the four pillars need to be focused on.
• Communication in a relationship is important to share your feelings and build trust as well.
• Respect in any kind of relationship is a must. As said, if you give respect you get respect.
• Relationships need focus and attention to survive and grow strong.
• Good and healthy relationships take time to form. But once formed, they are to stay forever.
• To have a happy, healthy, and long lives, people need to have happy and healthy relationships.

FAQ’s on Relationship Essay

Question 1. What is the relationship?

Answer: The feeling of connection and love based on mutual trust and care between two or more people is defined as a relationship.

Question 2. Briefly explain types of relationships.

Answer: There are four types of relationships, namely, family relationship, friendship, romantic relationships, and acquaintances. Family relationship is based on blood or kinship. Friendship is based on mutual likes and dislikes. A romantic relationship is based on strong attraction and love. Acquaintances are ones you know or meet daily but are neither your friends nor family

Question 3. What are the pillars of a healthy relationship?

Answer: There are four pillars of a healthy and successful relationship. They are communication, trust, respect, and love.

Question 4. Why people need healthy relationships?

Answer: Human is a part of society. To have a happy, healthy, and long lives, people need to have happy and healthy relationships.

• Picture Dictionary
• English Speech
• English Slogans
• English Letter Writing
• English Essay Writing
• English Textbook Answers
• Types of Certificates
• ICSE Solutions
• Selina ICSE Solutions
• ML Aggarwal Solutions
• HSSLive Plus One
• HSSLive Plus Two
• Kerala SSLC
• Distance Education

Healthy Interpersonal Relationship Essay

• To find inspiration for your paper and overcome writer’s block
• As a source of information (ensure proper referencing)
• As a template for you assignment

Introduction

Healthy interpersonal relationships, reference list.

Interpersonal relationship can be defined as an association, connections or social affiliations between two or more individuals. Interpersonal relationships vary in terms of levels of intimacy and revolve around a common objective or shared interest. Interpersonal relationship is very important amongst a group of individuals; it is a skill that enables one relate well with others in a group (Cahn & Cushman, 1985).

Interpersonal relationships keep people who share a common objective together; however, it is not without some challenges that they end up disintegrating a group of people who have a common purpose. Hence there need for ways of ensuring healthy interpersonal relationships.

Communication is a major element of interpersonal relationships. It is good to note that poor communication amongst members in a group or within an organization is likely to cause interpersonal tension amongst. This may lead to unhealthy interpersonal relationship. It is always important for each individual within a given group of people to have communication skills that enhance his or her relationships with others (Kyle, 2007).

Respect for others is another important way of ensuring healthy interpersonal relationships. Every person has the need to be respected and valued within any group context.

In order to ensure and retain healthy relationship, it is in order for every person to respect the people he or she is relating with; besides, the respect should be coupled with some level of trust between those relating together. Mutual trust is required from the communicating partners. In many cases, is not all, the way one communicates with others is likely indicator of whether he she trusts them or not.

This has the potential to strain interpersonal relationship even if it does not come into the open. In situation where such components of respect and trust are missing, a relationship may be strenuous and disintegration may be the ultimate fate of such a relationship (Kyle, 2007).

In a relationship there is bound to be mistakes made by others. These mistakes may necessitate reactions by others. They way one reacts or criticizes others determines whether a healthy relationship is sustained or not. In cases where one is blamed for the mistakes, healthy relationships may not be achievable, while in situations where people give positive criticism and offers to help find a solution, healthy relationships are established and sustained.

It is therefore important that in any form of interpersonal relationship, individuals should focus on finding solutions to any challenge or problems arising between two or more people. This is most likely to foster healthy interpersonal relationships.

Interpersonal relationships may exist between people with varied cultural backgrounds. In such cases, it is only important that each individual exercise tolerance. One may not like the background of another, but it is important to understand one another in such contexts without necessarily being prejudicial.

This will help secure healthy interpersonal relationships. Being tolerant is about accepting that people are different in varied aspects and should be respected. The difference may be in terms of cultural practices, race, ethnicity and even academic. All these factors, if well managed, can ensure healthy interpersonal relationships (Altman, 2009).

Interpersonal relationships are associations and linkages between two or more people who share a common interest, goal or objective. There are many factors that contribute to healthy interpersonal relationship. These include effective communication, tolerance and respect and trust amongst others (Cahn & Cushman, 1985).

Altman, N. (2009). Palmistry: The Universal Guide . New York: Sterling Publishing Company, Inc.

Cahn, D. & Cushman D. (1985). Communication in interpersonal relationships . New York: SUNY Press.

Kyle, T. (2007). Essentials of pediatric nursing . New York: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins.

• Interpersonal Relationships
• Respect and Self-Respect: Impact on Interpersonal Relationships and Personal Identity
• Trust and Interpersonal Relationships
• Money or Family Values First? Which Way to Go
• Conversations: Readings for Writing, by Selzer Jack and Dominic Delli Carpini
• Abortion and Its Effects
• Santa Claus and Mythical Creatures
• Apartment living in downtown area versus country side living
• Chicago (A-D)
• Chicago (N-B)

IvyPanda. (2018, July 4). Healthy Interpersonal Relationship. https://ivypanda.com/essays/healthy-interpersonal-relationship/

"Healthy Interpersonal Relationship." IvyPanda , 4 July 2018, ivypanda.com/essays/healthy-interpersonal-relationship/.

IvyPanda . (2018) 'Healthy Interpersonal Relationship'. 4 July.

IvyPanda . 2018. "Healthy Interpersonal Relationship." July 4, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/healthy-interpersonal-relationship/.

1. IvyPanda . "Healthy Interpersonal Relationship." July 4, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/healthy-interpersonal-relationship/.

Bibliography

IvyPanda . "Healthy Interpersonal Relationship." July 4, 2018. https://ivypanda.com/essays/healthy-interpersonal-relationship/.

• Open access
• Published: 13 December 2022

Learning how relationships work: a thematic analysis of young people and relationship professionals’ perspectives on relationships and relationship education

• Simon Benham-Clarke   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-6053-9804 1 , 2 ,
• Jan Ewing   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-1420-1116 3 ,
• Anne Barlow   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0001-7628-4589 2 &
• Tamsin Newlove-Delgado   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0002-5192-3724 2  

BMC Public Health volume  22 , Article number:  2332 ( 2022 ) Cite this article

5397 Accesses

2 Citations

170 Altmetric

Metrics details

Relationships in various forms are an important source of meaning in people’s lives that can benefit their health, wellbeing and happiness. Relationship distress is associated with public health problems such as alcohol misuse, obesity, poor mental health, and child poverty, whilst safe, stable, and nurturing relationships are potential protective factors. Despite increased emphasis on Relationship Education in schools, little is known about the views of relationship professionals on relationship education specifically, and how this contrasts with the views of young people (YP). This Wellcome Centre for the Cultures and Environments of Health funded Beacon project seeks to fill this gap by exploring their perspectives and inform the future development of relationship education.

We conducted focus groups with YP ( n  = 4) and interviews with relationship professionals ( n  = 10). The data was then thematically analysed.

Themes from YP focus groups included: ‘Good and bad relationships’; ‘Learning about relationships’; ‘the role of schools’ and ‘Beyond Relationship Education’. Themes from interviews with relationship professionals included: ‘essential qualities of healthy relationships’; ‘how YP learn to relate’ and ‘the role of Relationship Education in schools’.

Conclusions

YP and relationship professionals recognised the importance of building YP’s relational capability in schools with a healthy relationship with oneself at its foundation. Relationship professionals emphasised the need for a developmental approach, stressing the need for flexibility, adaptability, commitment and resilience to maintain relationships over the life course. YP often presented dichotomous views, such as relationships being either good or bad relationships, and perceived a link between relationships and mental health. Although not the focus of current curriculum guidance, managing relationship breakdowns and relationship transitions through the life course were viewed as important with an emphasis on building relational skills. This research suggests that schools need improved Relationship Education support, including specialist expertise and resources, and guidance on signposting YP to external sources of help. There is also potential for positive relationship behaviours being modelled and integrated throughout curriculums and reflected in a school’s ethos. Future research should explore co-development, evaluation and implementation of Relationship Education programmes with a range of stakeholders.

Peer Review reports

Relationships in various forms are an important source of meaning in people’s lives that can benefit their health, well-being and happiness [ 1 ]. ‘A ‘distressed’ relationship is one with a severe level of relationship problems, which has a clinically significant negative impact on their partner’s wellbeing. Those in ‘distressed’ relationships report regularly considering separation/divorce, quarrelling, regretting being in their relationship, being unhappy in their relationship, for example’ [ 2 ]. A growing evidence base shows that distress in relationships is associated with public health priorities such as alcohol misuse, obesity, mental health problems, and child poverty, whilst safe, stable, and nurturing relationships are potential protective factors [ 3 , 4 , 5 ]. For young people (YP), there is evidence of a significant link between well-being and romantic relationships, suggesting that these relationships (when healthy) can positively influence self-concept, social integration and social support [ 6 ]. However, research indicates that some early romantic relationships can act as stressors regardless of their nature, whilst YP are negotiating other developmental tasks. For example, Olson and Crosnow’s longitudinal analysis [ 7 ] suggested that adolescent romantic relationships are associated with increased depressive symptomatology, particularly for girls.

The term ‘relationship’ has been defined as an enduring association between two persons [ 8 ]. The terms ‘healthy’ or ‘quality’ relationships have been described, defined and measured in various ways. They are ‘complex and ambiguous constructs’ with factors varying for each type of relationship [ 9 ]. Attempts to reach a definition tend to focus on interaction and positive and negative relationship characteristics and behaviours such as the existence or absence of caregiving, respect, support, emotional regulation, and the ability to learn from experience [ 10 , 11 ]. It has been theorised that early intervention and the development of these relationship skills in YP may allow them to negotiate early romantic relationships better as well as improve the quality and/or health of adult relationships, normalise help-seeking behaviour and prevent or manage relationship breakdown [ 12 , 13 ]. In their 2014 Manifesto, the Relationships Alliance Footnote 1 called upon The Department for Education (DfE) “to develop standards for those delivering RSE (Relationship and Sex Education) and set an expectation that schools recognise that developing relational capability is an important function of education and a child’s future” [ 14 ]. Relational capability refers to the capacity to form and maintain safe, stable, and nurturing relationships [ 15 ].

In 2019, DfE published statutory guidance in England on Relationship and Sex Education (RSE) [ 16 ], following the passing of the Children and Social Work Act 2017 [ 17 ]. The new Act stipulates Footnote 2 that pupils should learn about safety in forming and maintaining relationships; the characteristics of ‘healthy’ relationships and how relationships may affect physical and mental health and well-being. However, schools have been largely left to work out how to deliver this sensitive area of education, with little practical content guidance to date [ 18 ]. Skills for ‘healthy’ romantic relationships have also been relatively neglected both in research and practice. There are several programmes developed for YP that teach about relationships, but those that currently exist are mainly from the US, and generally focussed on sexual health or relationship violence [ 19 , 20 ]. Similarly, research with YP on their perspectives of RSE mostly focus on their views on sex education [ 21 ]. Therefore, despite the increased emphasis on delivering RSE in schools, Footnote 3 little is known about how YP view this aspect of the curriculum, or what outcomes they feel it should deliver. This is an important gap to fill to engage YP with the curriculum, and to lay the groundwork for the design, adaptation and evaluation of healthy relationship programmes. Patient and Public Involvement (PPI) work conducted in a prior project [ 22 ] by some of the authors demonstrated a great appetite in YP to learn more about relationships.

Our Beacon project, funded by The Wellcome Centre for the Cultures and Environments of Health, is focussed on ‘Transforming relationships and relationship transitions with and for the next generation’ in two strands (Healthy Relationship Education (HeaRE) and Healthy Relationship Transitions (HeaRT)). As part of the project, we conducted qualitative interviews and focus groups with young people and relationship professionals, with the aims of exploring their perspectives on relationships and relationship education. This paper presents and integrates the findings of these studies, to inform the development of future Relationship Education.

Recruitment

YP were recruited from a convenience sample of community groups and schools in South-West England, across urban, suburban and rural settings. Young people were contacted through school and youth group leaders, who made the first approach to participants. YP consented for themselves if aged 16 and over; for under 16 s, both parent and young person consent was sought. The YP formed four focus groups with a total of 24 participants. The two focus groups conducted in schools were with Years 9 and 10 pupils (aged 14 to 16 years). Following PPI consultation, these were set up separately for boys and girls; one group with eight girls and one with seven boys. The community group focus groups included young people aged between 14 and 18 and had one group with four boys and one with two boys and three girls.

A purposive sampling strategy was used to recruit the relationship professionals, seeking out key people who are likely to provide rich sources of information or data [ 22 ]. Here, ten nationally based relationship professionals (three men and seven women) were purposively sampled for their recognised expertise in the field of romantic relationships either through their research interests or because they were psychotherapists or counsellors. All had a minimum of 15 years of experience in their chosen field, and most had many more. Consent in writing or by audio recording was obtained before the interview.

Focus groups with YP were used due to their suitability for exploring ideas within their social context [ 23 , 24 ]. The topic guides were developed and refined through accompanying consultations with YP in our Youth Panel PPI sessions. Content included questions and prompts around views on relationships, experiences of Relationship Education, and what YP wanted to get from participating in Relationship Education. The first two focus groups were conducted face-to-face in February 2020. Due to COVID-19, the procedure had to be adapted for the latter two, which were conducted on Microsoft Teams in the summer of 2020. The focus groups were audio-recorded and conducted by TND and SBC with each lasting approximately an hour.

Semi-structured telephone interviews were conducted with the relationship professionals by JE. An interview schedule for the relationship professionals was devised, piloted and refined in team discussions. The topics relevant to this paper were the views of the relationship professionals on what constituted an enduring, mutually satisfying intimate partner relationship, how older children can learn the skills needed to identify healthy and unhealthy relationships and the role, content and delivery of Relationship Education. The interviews were conducted by telephone since there are no significant differences between telephone and face-to-face interview data [ 25 ] and given COVID-19 restrictions at the time. The duration of each interview was 64 min on average.

The focus groups with YP and the interviews with professionals were analysed separately rather than in combination, as interview schedules and formats were different for both. Transcription was conducted by an approved University service. NVivo 12 was used to manage the data, analysed using the thematic approach described by Braun and Clark [ 26 ]. In both datasets, a second author coded the first transcripts. Variations between coders were discussed by the team. Themes were developed separately for the YP and the relationship professionals; in this paper we present and compare these themes, identifying difference and similarities in the Discussion section.

Ethical approval

Ethical approval was gained from the University of Exeter Medicine School (UEMS) Research Ethics Committee (reference: Jun20/D/229∆1) for the research with YP and the University of Exeter College of Social Sciences and International Studies Research Ethics Committee for research involving relationship professionals (reference: 201,920–017).

The ethical approach we took is based on the successful and tested approach used by the Shackleton Project (UEMS ethics number 201617–018). We developed a protocol, agreed with teachers and community group leaders, for actions to be taken should a participant appear distressed, wish to withdraw, or should concerns be raised. We were highly aware that this could be a sensitive area, and emphasised to participants that they could withdraw at any point, as well as ensuring that they were aware of sources of support, and of confidential ways to contact the researchers, teachers, or community group leaders (e.g. through private chat on Teams) if they needed to. Researchers were alert throughout the groups for verbal and non-verbal signs that YP might wish to leave or take a break from the discussions, and strategic pauses or break points were included to facilitate this. The researchers were both experienced and well placed to conduct the focus groups with YP. The topics discussed with YP were framed to young people as being around ‘healthy relationships’ and existing RSE guidance. Our approach throughout the research was to engage young people in helping us to understand how Relationship Education could be improved for all YP in general. We used and explained Chatham House Rules to participants but were aware that this is not sufficient as the only measure. Therefore, we used appropriate distancing techniques, discouraging and steering conversations away from personal disclosures as needed and framing questions accordingly, for example, ‘what should young people get out of Relationship Education? We developed a protocol, agreed with teachers and community group leaders, for actions to be taken should a participant appear distressed, wish to withdraw, or should concerns be raised.

All names referred to below are pseudonyms.

• Young people

‘Good’ and ‘bad’ relationships

When asking what was meant by relationships YP appeared to be most comfortable and forthcoming in discussing relationships using dichotomous terms. Typically, relationships were categorised as positive or negative, such as good, bad, right, wrong, comfortable, uncomfortable, successful, unsuccessful, healthy and unhealthy. There was also a frequently expressed concept of ‘normal’ versus ‘abnormal’ relationships, which linked to a desire to be taught how to have a ‘normal relationship’, although few participants challenged this.

’Like there are bad sides of a relationship, there’s the good side of the relationship’. (Male) ’I don’t think I was ever taught in school about what a normal relationship is or how a relationship works’. (Male) ‘… I don’t want to be too forceful in this cookie-cutter idea of what good and bad relationships are, ... people are free to do what they want’. (Female)

YP attempted to define the qualities involved in ‘healthy’ or ‘normal’ relationships differently. Trust, respect and having common ground were often mentioned. Communication was also seen as being crucial, which linked to handling conflict the ‘right’ way. They also recognised that these qualities were involved in the different stages of relationships.

‘Well, I think a lot about healthy relationships in general is to do with communication. And starting a relationship and establishing what you want from the relationship is very important, and the same with finishing a relationship and saying to someone “I’m not happy with this because of this, this and this … . So, I think all of those stages really are about communication’. (Female)

Some YP introduced different sources of influence on relationships. They attributed importance to the role of upbringing and parental models. Again, ‘normality’ in relationships was present as a concept.

‘I think our parents are our closest role models really’. (Male) ‘ if you’ve been brought up in a domestic violence place or household, you’re never going to know until you grow up “Oh, that’s not okay, that’s not a normal thing ’. (Male)

In response to a question about how Relationship Education might help young people in different stages of their lives others commented on the influence of fairy tales, and Disney in particular; this was linked most strongly to gender roles and expectations in relationships.

‘I think it actually does create this toxic image to some degree… it’s very much the female is feeble, and she must be saved by the male, and it kind of creates a toxic masculinity’. (Female) ’It’s embedded into our heads that it’s always Prince Charming and it’s always the prince and the princess … you don’t understand it until you actually get to it, and that’s when you realise that it’s not like Disney movies or anything ...’. (Female).

Participants recognised that these ‘bad’ relationships early in life could have long-lasting impacts, including on mental health. This extended to the relationships between parents and children.

‘I’ve got so many friends who have fallen down mental health spirals due to bad relationships’. (Female) “Some parents, because they had such a rough childhood, treat their children the same thinking that it is the right way’. (Female).

Learning about relationships

There was a general feeling from many participants that Relationship Education would have a range of benefits for YP, across different kinds of relationships. Communication and conflict were critical areas where participants felt that there were skills, or ways of coping or doing things that they could learn.

’how to communicate effectively with our peers and partners, family members’. (Female) ’ [I would like to learn] Probably how to defuse an argument, … instead of having to shout at each other and maybe possibly break stuff and maybe even harm each other, and you can talk about it responsibly’. (Male)

Some of the desired outcomes involved learning how to manage different stages in relationships; for example, how to sustain happy relationships, and how to end relationships that could not be sustained, and cope with the aftermath. There was also a sense that they were sometimes taught about ‘red flags’ (signs that relationships are unhealthy), but not how then to end the relationships.

’ the basic foundations of relationships, like how to keep it running, happy…’. (Male) ’if you’ve tried to maintain them but it… keeps happening, you just need to know how to end it nicely’. (Male) ’It is all well knowing the signs, but if you don’t know how to get out of an unhealthy relationship what is the point of knowing that it is unhealthy?’ (Female)

Some participants felt that focussing on relationships with themselves as a first step would have greater long-term benefits and could help YP avoid abusive relationships. One participant had their own experience of where they felt Relationship Education had an impact on their well-being but thought it would have been more beneficial if taught sooner.

’… that is a big thing for people our age more – accepting themselves rather than being in a relationship with other people. Their mental health more than other people’. (Female). ’ it has made me be more… conscious of my relationships and friendships, and I’m able to see which ones are bad and been able to cut off bad relationships…my mental health would be better now if that education had happened earlier’. (Female)

Some YP were thinking about how relationships might be challenged after leaving school or relocating, and how Relationship Education might prepare them for that, whilst others thought further ahead to when they might have families, and the potential impacts of Relationship Education in the longer term.

‘[after relationship education] If they were a parent, they would know how to treat their children and instead of the way their parents treated them, treat them a different way’. (Female)

The role of schools

YP saw schools as offering a neutral setting in which Relationship Education can be taught free from the potential influences and biases. This was thought to be critical, particularly for those who might have more challenging backgrounds, however a desire was expressed for a greater focus in schools on how relationships ‘work’ rather than on sex education.

‘people need to be taught about relationships in quite an unbiased environment, and school is the most likely place that’s going to happen’. (Female) ‘[Relationship lessons have] been very clinical. It’s not really teaching you anything to do with how the relationship works … For me, it’s just been the clinical side of sex, basically’. (Male)

In terms of how Relationship Education should be taught, YP emphasised the need to build on earlier learning and to revisit important content. Participants also felt that talking about family and peer relationships should come first, building up to later discussions about romantic relationships in later years at school, with some highlighting links between patterns of relationship behaviour.

’ I think they need to talk about our family relationships before they talk about future ones that we will have’. (Female) ’even in primary school, you have friendships and stuff. And if you’re getting bullied, you might not necessarily realise the way that they’re using you and being mean to you. And if you get used to that from a young age … it’s very hard to get out of that pattern of ending up with people who aren’t necessarily a good influence on you’. (Male)

Some YP were concerned about whether education about romantic relationships could put YP under pressure if it were too early, but others felt this could leave young people open to abuse.

‘… you can’t teach them too much at a young age, otherwise they’ll feel like there’s a lot of pressure on them when it comes to relationships’. (Male) ‘the younger ages are the most susceptible to abuse… because you don’t have the knowledge’. (Female) .

Beyond relationship education lessons

Discussions about teaching in school led to several YP voicing reservations about the limits of what Relationship Education could do, and acknowledgements of the complexity of whether relationships can be ‘taught’ at all.

‘I think first and foremost, it’s the role of the parents to teach about relationships. And I think all the school can really do is build on that’. (Male) ‘…to teach it, the first thing that you need to do as a teacher would be acknowledge that it isn’t necessarily something that can just be taught, and it’s more complicated than that ’. (Female)

There was a feeling amongst participants that schools could improve relationship outcomes for YP in other ways beyond the Relationship Education lesson, such as having someone to talk to, in person and in private. Others wanted signposting and information about sources of help outside the school setting.

‘I think it’s important, especially with young people, to have someone to speak to…Maybe a counsellor or something’. (Female) ‘it needs to offer information of places where people who might be in unhealthy relationships can go’. (Female)

YP felt help was needed beyond RSE especially when a relationship was ending, in terms of specialist and peer support, and some even made the case for access to ‘experts’ for relationship breakdown related problems.

‘it’s hard to teach people about how to deal with a break-up…But that’s why I think people who are experts on relationships should probably be better at it’. (Male)

Results- relationship professionals

Theme 1 – qualities of healthy relationships.

The quality of a healthy relationship most frequently cited by the relationship professionals was communicating well. As Rosemary Allen put it.

’the ability to be able to express what you think, what you need and to be able to hear the other person… being able to… adapt language so that you are using the tone and the quality and the vocabulary that gets across what you need to say and being sure that it is understood’.

Secondly, an ability to adapt was thought to be critical, and this required the couple to be flexible – sufficiently flexible to learn from one another but also to adapt to life’s transitions such as having a baby or children leaving home, which Alexander Ingles said depended on a.

‘ flexibility of internal world. It's about whether one is potentially available for development throughout life’.

The skills needed to adapt can be learned, and some potentially ‘unpromising’ relationships can flourish provided one person in the couple is sufficiently skilled and flexible at the outset. The relationship professionals agreed that couples who have the degree of flexibility required, such that their relationships thrive over time, tend to be ‘developmental’ in outlook that is, they expect to have to work at their relationship. As Kay Eagles explained.

‘… not giving up… you have to work at relationships, they don't just happen… people change as they get older and relationships change, and the nature of relationships change all the time… the… falling in love bit is very much just… the glossy part at the beginning but doesn't necessarily give you the skills for a long, healthy relationship’.

Fun and friendship were viewed as a necessity by many relationship professionals, not least because this gave a bedrock to come back to if couples begin to drift apart. Alongside this need to prioritise the relationship was a recognition of the need to maintain a sense of self. One of the relationship professionals described this concern for the self and the other as ‘ like a dance’ . As Jacob Beardsley put it, what is critical is.

’the importance of looking after yourself in a relationship, thinking about yourself as a separate person as well as nourishing and caring for the relationship’.

The relationship professionals distinguished the skills needed to initiate a healthy relationship and those needed to sustain it. The former included having: realistic expectations, a sense of self-worth, sufficient self-awareness to judge compatibility, well-developed communication skills and an ability to give and receive support within the relationship. The latter also included good communication skills as well as empathy, flexibility, likeability, commitment, respect, altruism, reciprocity and, in particular, resilience.

Theme 2—learning to relate

As might be expected, the relationship professionals spoke at length about the importance of good early caregiving in building the capacities of YP to form and maintain healthy relationships of their own. Positive early care, usually from parents, and the witnessing of a healthy, well-functioning relationship between parents was described variously as ‘ the building blocks’ (Margot Hendon),’ the architecture’ (Clara Farley) or’ the template’ (Fran Clarkson) for YP to learn relationship skills. The relationship professionals emphasised that a poor beginning did not mean that YP were doomed to make poor relationship choices or find maintaining relationships impossible. For some, positive other role models, grandparents or a teacher, might.

‘mediate some of those original depravations’. (Alexander Ingle).

For others, counselling (preferably at a young age) was said to help YP gain skills that are not being modelled in the home or help YP understand that their parents’ behaviour is unhealthy.

Whilst a minority thought there was a place for peer mentoring and learning from one's peers more generally, several relationship professionals expressed concerns at the calibre of the training given to peer mentoring, the misinformation that peers can impart and the potential lack of objectivity of one’s peers.

Several relationship professionals spoke of the changes that would be needed at a macro level to cultivate an environment that.

‘enables, or even supports individuals to establish and nurture relationships’. (Margot Hendon).

Theme 3 – teaching about relationships in schools

While young people’s families were seen as the primary source of learning about healthy relationships, there was clear support for schools’ role to augment this. Relationship professionals thought that there were key transition moments in life, getting married or having a baby, where people are receptive to learning relationship skills, but that schools had a critical role in teaching and embedding critical skills around initiating and maintaining a healthy relationship.

There was strong support for Relationship Education to start early, preferably in primary schools, exploring what a healthy friendship and relating well to others looks like before moving onto romantic relationships, which would give YP vital life skills. Starting early, in primary schools and with counselling support where needed, was thought to be particularly important for YP whose parents were locked in conflict.

’ Modules that stress good relating from the very beginning … Once you get [skills to relate well to others] in your fold, and once you have got your template for good relating, it doesn't matter whether it's love relationships or with your teacher or with your friends or with anyone ’. (Rosemary Allen) ’ it is harder to unpick some of those really entrenched beliefs around relationships and things the longer it goes on ’ (Shelley Jackson)

Regarding content for a Relationship Education curriculum, teaching skills such as relating, communication, empathy, respect, conflict resolution and repair and ending relationships kindly and safely were highlighted. There was general agreement that these skills were teachable and that YP needed opportunities to rehearse using these skills to help them to recognise, for example, key turning points in interactions which leads some to end positively and others not. Therefore, there was strong support from the relationship professionals for RSE to be interactive and participatory, giving YP the opportunity to learn and try out vital communication skills in RSE by practising listening and mirroring what is heard in a non-conflict discussion.

’ [engaging] with an interaction that they can see somebody else having and they can then have input into trying to understand why the interaction went in the direction it went and how it might have gone differently and had different endings is… powerful’ . (Margot Hendon)

Regarding delivery of the teaching, Clara Farley felt that if Relationship Education lessons were to take place within schools, they needed to be ’ brilliantly led’ with ’ vivid and interesting materials’ , but she felt that schools did not have such material available to them. Others expressed reservations at asking teachers who may be experiencing difficulties in their own relationship to be responsible for Relationship Education in school. Another favoured external specialists to deliver Relationship Education, which was suggested as having added benefits.

’young people are more likely to explore things, open up and be honest with someone that they perhaps haven't seen before, might not see again or see now and again around school. They will be more likely to share and explore their own thoughts than if they were with their own form teacher doing those things’. (Shelly Jackson)

The relationship professionals were also in agreement that the emphasis of Relationship Education should be on teaching about healthy relationships in an inclusive way, which assists those in relationships that may be unhealthy because it allows them to reflect on differences.

’ [Relationships] come in all different shapes and sizes and sexual orientation and everything else, but nevertheless I think that it is possible to talk about at least, explore what a healthy relationship looks like in its many different forms ’. (Jacob Beardsley)

Several relationship professionals spoke of the need for excellent pastoral care and counselling within schools for YP with particular issues around relationships. Kay Eagles felt that Relationship Education should not just be limited to intimate relationships but relationships more widely to include components of respect, valuing and caring for others. Echoing the views of others, Alexander Ingles stressed the need for the ethos of the school to complement the messages within Relationship Education which should encourage YP to ask questions, with support readily available within schools.

‘[Relationship Education] can only work if it's in the context of a good school in a broad sense’. (Alexander Ingles)

Four main themes were presented from our focus groups with YP. The first, ‘Good and bad relationships’, presents YP’s views on romantic relationships, and the influences they recognised from parents and culture. The second, ‘Learning about relationships’, explores participant’s views of the benefits of Relationship Education and the skills they want to develop.

The third theme, ‘the role of schools’, is about experiences of Relationship Education teaching in the school setting and how and when this should be taught. The final theme of ‘Beyond Relationship Education’ focuses on some of the limitations of teaching relationships, and YP’s needs for support beyond the classroom. From the interviews with relationship professionals, we identified three relevant themes: what they viewed as the essential qualities of healthy relationships; how YP learn to relate (primarily through observing the parental role model) and the role that Relationship Education in schools might have in teaching YP how to instigate and maintain a healthy relationship. Many of the views of YP and relationship professionals were similar, but there were areas of contrast and variations in emphasis. Below, we discuss some of the key findings, drawing out implications for public health and education policy and practice.

YP and relationship professionals clearly recognised the importance of building relational capability. Relationship professionals emphasised the need for a developmental approach, which viewed relationships as requiring work rather than a more fatalistic view that relationships are either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ and that their trajectory is determined accordingly. An emphasis in Relationship Education on managing expectations, stressing that ‘good’ relationships do not just happen, as the relationship professionals advocated, would possibly counteract the “Disneyfied” portrayal of relationships in the media that the YP recognised were unhelpful. While the relationship professionals stressed the need for flexibility, adaptability, commitment and resilience as critical to maintaining relationships over the life course, these skills were not at the forefront of the YP’s minds. In contrast, YP often presented dichotomous views of relationships, possibly reflecting similar dichotomies presented in discussions at school around sex education [ 21 ]. YP appeared to be attempting to categorise relationships, using this dichotomous framework as a starting point. However, they also expressed a need to be able to better assess the quality or direction of a relationship, in order to take action, such as ‘cutting off’ a bad relationship. This was something they viewed as being a skill they could learn in Relationship Education. In line with the evidence discussed in the introduction, YP themselves also perceived a clear link between relationships and mental health; some raised this in terms of the impact of relationship breakdown, but there was also recognition that early relationships could set up ‘unhealthy’ patterns of relating which could affect mental health later in life.

Both the YP and the relationship professionals felt that schools were an important setting for teaching and learning about relationships, particularly in terms of offering what was seen as an ‘unbiased’ perspective and a universal offer. However, many YP felt that the existing Relationship Education offer was too ‘clinical’ and were keen to focus more on relational aspects. This view has been previously expressed in other research with YP around sex education, and by Ofsted’s review of the curriculum [ 21 , 27 ]. Relationship professionals in our study called for a nuanced approach to Relationship Education that is skills-based and reflective of YP’s complex lived experiences [ 28 ]. The YP discussed the importance of building first on a strong ‘relationship with self’, which could be fostered through Relationship Education. Indeed, research suggests that self-compassion is associated with healthier romantic relationships [ 29 ] and many evaluations of Relationship Education programmes also measure ‘self-esteem’ as an outcome [ 30 , 31 , 32 , 33 ]. This chimed with the views of the relationship professionals who emphasised that ‘concern for the self’ was a prerequisite of being able to show concern for others. Related to this, the concept of building on previous knowledge and revisiting and reflecting on content as in a spiral curriculum [ 34 ] was also favoured by YP. For YP, the timing of the introduction of content around romantic relationships was more contested, with concerns over introducing pressure and expectations versus the risks of failing to address beliefs and norms until it was too late. The relationship professionals’ preference was to introduce age appropriate Relationship Education in primary schools.

Despite seeing benefits to Relationship Education, YP also identified limits due to its complexities and subjectivities, and some questioned whether this was a role for schools. This links to a broader debate about what education is for [ 35 ]. Several relationship professionals and YP interviewed highlighted the merits of trained external providers of RE. This resonates with Pound, Langford and Campbell [ 21 ] who found that YP want experts to teach them about sex and suggest that teachers should be specially trained and become a distinct group from other teachers. However, the DfE does not address these issues in its guidance [ 16 ].

Strengths and limitations

This study is the only research we are aware of that explores in tandem young people and relationship professionals’ perspectives on the ‘relationship’ aspects of RSE. The nature of our sample presents some limitations, as it is possible that the YP were the most articulate and had the strongest views on Relationship Education amongst their peers and the relationship professionals who chose to engage may have had particular perspectives on Relationship Education. In particular, schools may have acted as ‘gatekeepers’ in selecting YP with more positive views on Relationship Education, however, we observed a range of views and dissent from focus groups across all settings. The inclusion of community and youth group members from different backgrounds increases our confidence that we have been able to explore and present a range of perspectives; it is also clear that YP’s views were not homogenous, hence dissenting voices are reflected in the themes. It is unclear as to the effect of the online format of the later focus groups; inevitably discussions require a higher level of moderation and direction. However, participants appeared comfortable with the format, and online research with YP has been found to potentially enhance their autonomy and amplify marginalised voices [ 36 , 37 ]. The interview and focus group questions did not seek to explore or privilege relationship education from the perspective of any particular sexuality or identity. Researchers setting the scene were clear with YP that we wanted to explore how relationship education worked for all YP. However, whilst one young person alluded to needing to avoid ‘cookie cutter’ ideas of relationships within relationship education, and many participants used gender-neutral language or examples, we acknowledge that this research may be seen to feed into a heteronormative discourse which should be challenged and explored further in future work.

A purposive sampling strategy was used to recruit the relationship professionals. As selection of such a sample is subjective, purposive sampling is most appropriate for the selection of small samples, as here. Although, a limitation is that equally qualified relationship professionals, not known to the researchers by reputation, may have made different observations. There was a high degree of consensus across the sample.

Implications for policy and practice

This research is supportive of many aspects of curriculum guidance on Relationship Education. However, YP specifically highlighted areas that were priorities for them but are not explicitly addressed in the DfE’s RSE core content framework, such as managing relationship breakdowns, learning coping skills, and managing relationships through life course transitions. To engage YP in meaningful development and reflection during Relationship Education, the curriculum should reflect the content and skills that are relevant to them. Previous research has noted YP’s desire to be involved in future programme design [ 20 ], there was also support from the relationship professionals for Relationship Education to be co-created with YP, echoing the calls in the ‘Young People’s Manifesto’ [ 15 ].

Interestingly, YP and relationship professionals also wanted more of a focus on skills rather than knowledge. Professionals discussed the importance of providing opportunities for YP to observe and rehearse skills during lessons; and of engaging resources to support such learning. However, a recent survey of schools in England by Ipsos MORI and the PSHE Association [ 38 ] discusses the barriers faced in delivery of consistent and high quality Relationship Education, including knowledge, training and resources. Schools reported bringing in third sector organisations to deliver sessions and drawing on resources and lesson plans developed by organisations such as the PSHE Association ( https://www.pshe-association.org.uk/ ). Cole [ 28 ] found support for the view that there is a lack of teaching proficiency, knowledge and confidence in the delivery of Relationship Education and teachers themselves viewed it as a specialist topic ‘outside their remit’. Currently, the DfE leaves schools to choose their Relationship Education curriculum content to meet their pupil and community needs, but there is clearly a need for schools to be better supported to deliver a more consistent approach to Relationship Education. This should include appropriate access to specialist expertise and resources, and guidance on signposting YP to external sources of help as required. Relationship professionals in our interviews also highlighted that positive relationship behaviours can also be modelled and integrated throughout school curricula and reflected in a school’s ethos. This links with existing research on the importance and influence of different types of relationships in schools on children and YP’s well-being and mental health such as peer to peer relationships, and those between teachers and pupils [ 39 ].

Implications for research

This study raises a range of questions for exploration in future research, including the most effective ways to teach relationship skills, the best way to develop age-appropriate content, and how to integrate ‘relational health’ into a child’s journey through the education system. Available research is predominantly focussed on programmes developed to improve sexual health or reduce violence and abuse. Recent reviews by the authors [ 19 , 20 ] have found few programmes focussing on healthy relationships, with a limited evidence base. However, as above, surveys suggest that most English schools do not use formal ‘programmes’ in any case. One implication is that research efforts are best focussed on the co-development, evaluation and implementation of education resources which can be used flexibly and integrate into a health promoting curriculum. A range of stakeholders, should be involved in co-development and evaluation, including YP, teachers, governors, parents, and others in the wider community who support YP’s well-being, as well as relationship professionals such as counsellors and mediators. These stakeholders should reflect the diversity of young people’s sexualities and identities, to ensure that Relationship Education is inclusive and accessible, and does not perpetuate inequalities or marginalisation. Understanding their perspectives on content, delivery, barriers, facilitators and desired outcomes is also necessary to ensure that Relationship Education is acceptable and feasible.

This paper presents the perspectives of YP and relationship professionals on healthy Relationship Education and how it can better meet the needs of YP. Throughout the lifecourse, health comes about through relationships. Therefore, Relationship Education should form part of any approach to healthy publics [ 40 ] and is perhaps even more relevant in the light of the COVID-19 pandemic and the consequent societal impacts. Relationship building and Relationship Education should therefore be an integral aspect of a health-promoting school’s approach.

Availability of data and materials

The data that support the findings of this study are available on request from the corresponding author [SBC]. The data are not publicly available due to them containing information that could compromise research participant privacy/consent.

Relate, OnePlusOne, Tavistock Relationships, and Marriage Care.

Children and Social Work Act 2017, s 34(3)(a).

Henceforth education about relationships for 5 to 16-year-olds will be referred to as RE. This could include RE or RSE lessons as well as other direct and indirect forms of relationship education, including assemblies and aspects of the core curriculum.

Abbreviations

Relationship and Sex Education

Department of Education

Patient and Public Involvement

Healthy Relationship Education

Healthy Relationship Transitions

The name of the disease caused by the novel coronavirus SARS-CoV2

Schankweiler DA. What do we mean when we talk about meaning? A qualitative study on students’ concepts and sources of meaning in life (Bachelor's thesis, University of Twente). 2020. http://essay.utwente.nl/82037/1/Schankweiler_BA_BMS.pdf . Accessed 21 Nov 2021.

Sserwanja I, Marjoribanks D. Relationship Distress Monitor Estimating levels of adult couple relationship distress across the UK. Relate. 2016;3. https://www.relate.org.uk/sites/default/files/relationship_distress_monitor_0.pdf . Accessed 18 May 2022.

Braithwaite S, Holt-Lunstad J. Romantic relationships and mental health. Curr Opin Psychol. 2017;13:120–5. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.001 .

Article   Google Scholar  

Kiecolt-Glaser JK, Wilson SJ. Lovesick: how couples’ relationships influence health. Annu Rev Clin Psychol. 2017;8(13):421–43. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-032816-045111 .

Robles TF, Slatcher RB, Trombello JM, McGinn MM. Marital quality and health: a meta-analytic review. Psychol Bull. 2014;140(1):140. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031859 .

Gómez-López M, Viejo C, Ortega-Ruiz R. Well-being and romantic relationships: a systematic review in adolescence and emerging adulthood. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2019;16(13):2415. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph16132415 .

Olson JS, Crosnoe R. Are you still bringing me down? romantic involvement and depressive symptoms from adolescence to young adulthood. J Health Soc Behav. 2017;58(1):102–15. https://doi.org/10.1177/0022146516684536 .

Reis HT. Relationship experiences and emotional well-being. In Ryff, C. D., and Singer, B. H. (Eds.), Emotion, Social Relationships, and Health, Oxford University Press, Oxford, UK. 2001;57–85. https://scholar.google.com/scholar_lookup?title=Relationship%20experiences%20and%20emotional%20well-being&pages=57-85&publication_year=2001&author=Reis%2CH.%20T . Accessed 21 Nov 2021.

Farooqi SR. The construct of relationship quality. Journal of Relationships Research. 2014;5. https://doi.org/10.1017/jrr.2014.2 .

Zee KS, Weiss D. High-quality relationships strengthen the benefits of a younger subjective age across adulthood. Psychology and aging, 2019;34(3), 374.–388. https://doi.org/10.1037/pag0000349 .

Davila J, Steinberg SJ, Miller MR, Stroud CB, Starr LR, Yoneda A. Assessing romantic competence in adolescence: the romantic competence interview. J Adolesc. 2009;32(1):55–75. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2007.12.001 .

Adler-Baeder F, Kerpelman JL, Schramm DG, Higginbotham B, Paulk A. The impact of relationship education on adolescents of diverse backgrounds. Fam Relat. 2007;56(3):291–303. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2007.00460.x .

Markman HJ, Rhoades GK, Stanley SM, Peterson KM. A randomized clinical trial of the effectiveness of premarital intervention: moderators of divorce outcomes. J Fam Psychol. 2013;27(1):165. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031134 .

The Relationship Alliance, The Relationships Manifesto: Strengthening Relationships 2014 Oct. www.relate.org.uk/sites/default/files/publication-relationships-manifesto-oct2014_0.pdf . Accessed 21 Nov 2021.

Majoribanks, D. All Together Now, Stronger Relationships for a Stronger Society: A 2025 Vision for Supporting Good Quality Relationships, Relate. 2016. https://www.relate.org.uk/all-together-now-stronger-relationships-stronger-society . Accessed 21 Nov 2021.

Department for Education. Relationships Education, Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) and Health Education: Statutory Guidance for Governing Bodies, Proprietors, Head Teachers, Principals, Senior Leadership Teams, Teachers. GOV. UK. 2019 May 26. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/relationships-education-relationships-and-sex-education-rse-and-health-education . Accessed 11 Nov 2021.

Children and Social Work Act 2017. (2017). https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2017/16/contents/enacted . Accessed 21 Nov 2021.

Ewing J, Barlow A, Blake S, Janssens A. Working Out Relationships: Research, Education, and the Quest for Lasting Love. Child and Family Law Quarterly. 2020;32(4):331–54. https://ore.exeter.ac.uk/repository/handle/10871/122931/restricted-resource?bitstreamId=168718 .

Janssens A, Blake S, Allwood M, Ewing J, Barlow A. Exploring the content and delivery of relationship skills education programmes for adolescents: a systematic review. Sex Education. 2020;20(5):494–516. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681811.2019.1697661 .

Benham-Clarke S, Roberts G, Janssens A, Blake S, Newlove-Delgado T. Healthy relationship education programmes for young people: systematic review of outcomes. Pastoral Care in Education. 2022. https://doi.org/10.1080/02643944.2022.2054024 .

Pound P, Langford R, Campbell R. What do young people think about their school-based sex and relationship education? a qualitative synthesis of young people’s views and experiences. BMJ Open. 2016;6(9): e011329. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjopen-2016-011329 .

Barlow A, Ewing J, Janssens A, Blake S. The Shackleton Relationships Project-Report and Key Findings. http://hdl.handle.net/10871/33708 .

Webley L. Qualitative approaches to empirical legal research. in: Cane, P. and Kritzer, H. (ed.) Oxford handbook of empirical legal research Oxford Oxford University Press. 2010;926–950.

Breen RL. A practical guide to focus-group research. J Geogr High Educ. 2006;30(3):463–75. https://doi.org/10.1080/03098260600927575 .

Sturges JE, Hanrahan KJ. Comparing telephone and face-to-face qualitative interviewing: a research note. Qual Res. 2004;4(1):107–18. https://doi.org/10.1177/1468794104041110 .

Braun V, Clarke V. Using thematic analysis in psychology. Qual Res Psychol. 2006;3(2):77–101. https://doi.org/10.1191/1478088706qp063oa .

Ofsted. Not yet good enough: personal, social, health and economic education in schools.2013. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/not-yet-good-enough-personal-social-health-and-economic-education . Accessed 21 Nov 2021.

Cole S. Exploring young people's views and experiences of relationship abuse : and the role of education in framing this perspective. 2018. https://ethos.bl.uk/OrderDetails.do?uin=uk.bl.ethos.768594 .

Neff KD, Beretvas SN. The role of self-compassion in romantic relationships. Self and Identity. 2013;12(1):78–98. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298868.2011.639548 .

Gardner SP, Giese K, Parrott SM. Evaluation of the connections: Relationships and marriage curriculum. Fam Relat. 2004;53(5):521–7. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0197-6664.2004.00061.x .

Gardner SP, Boellaard R. Does youth relationship education continue to work after a high school class? a longitudinal study. Family Relations. 2007;56(5):490–500. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2007.00476.x .

Gardner SP, Bridges JG, Johnson A, Pace H. Evaluation of the what’s real: myths & facts about marriage curriculum: differential impacts of gender. Marriage Fam Rev. 2016;52(6):579–97. https://doi.org/10.1080/01494929.2016.1157120 .

Sparks A, Lee M, Spjeldnes S. Evaluation of the high school relationship curriculum connections: dating and emotions. Child Adolesc Soc Work J. 2012;29(1):21–40. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10560-011-0244-y .

Johnston H, Education Partnerships Institute (EPI). The Spiral Curriculum. University of Florida. 2012. https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED538282.pdf . Accessed 21 Nov 2021.

Biesta G. Gert Biesta. Eur J Educ. 2015;50:75–87. https://doi.org/10.1111/ejed.12109 .

Willis P. Talking sexuality online - technical, methodological and ethical considerations of online research with sexual minority youth. Qual Soc Work. 2012;11(2):141–55. https://doi.org/10.1177/1473325011400488 .

Upadhyay UD, Lipkovich H. Using online technologies to improve diversity and inclusion in cognitive interviews with young people. BMC Med Res Methodol. 2020;20(1):1–10. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12874-020-01024-9 .

Ipsos MORI and the PSHE Association. RSHE: School Practice in Early Adopter Schools. 27 May 2021. ISBN: 978–1–83870–255–7. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/rshe-school-practice-in-early-adopter-schools . Accessed 21 Nov 2021.

Brook and Family Planning Association. Going Beyond Biology: The Relationships and Sex Education that young people want and need. 2017. https://www.brook.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Case_Study_Report_2017_single_pages.pdf . Accessed 21 Nov 2021.

Hinchliffe S, Jackson MA, Wyatt K, Barlow AE, Barreto M, Clare L, Depledge MH, Durie R, Fleming LE, Groom N, Morrissey K, Salisbury L, Thomas F. Healthy publics: enabling cultures and environments for health. Palgrave Communications. 2018;4:57. https://doi.org/10.1057/s41599-018-0113-9 .

Download references

Acknowledgements

We wish to acknowledge the time and contributions given to this research by the community and school leaders, the young people and the relationship professionals involved.

This study forms part of the Beacon ‘Transforming relationships and relationship transitions with and for the next generation’ research project (The ‘HeaRE’ and ‘HeaRT’ Project) funded by the Wellcome Centre for the Cultures and Environments of Health (grant reference 203109/Z/16/Z). The project is a partnership between the University of Exeter Law School, School of Medicine and Health and the Graduate School of Education.

Author information

Authors and affiliations.

School of Education, University of Exeter, Exeter, UK

Simon Benham-Clarke

School of Medicine and Health, University of Exeter, St Luke’s Campus, Room 2.05, South Cloisters, Exeter, EX1 2LU, UK

Simon Benham-Clarke, Anne Barlow & Tamsin Newlove-Delgado

Law School, University of Exeter, Exeter, UK

You can also search for this author in PubMed   Google Scholar

Contributions

All authors helped with study design. TND and SBC conducted the YP focus groups, then coded and analysed the data. JE conducted the relationship professional interviews and then coded and analysed the data. SBC helped code the data. All authors interpreted the data and read and approved the final manuscript.

Corresponding author

Correspondence to Simon Benham-Clarke .

Ethics declarations

Ethics approval and consent to participate.

Ethical approval was gained from the UEMS Research Ethics Committee (reference: Jun20/D/229∆1) for the research with young people and the University of Exeter College of Social Sciences and International Studies Research Ethics Committee for research involving relationship professionals (reference: 201920–017). All methods were performed in accordance with the relevant guidelines and regulations. Informed consent was obtained from all participants and their legal guardian(s).

Consent for publication

Not applicable since we did not include information that would identify an individual.

Competing interests

The authors declare there are no known competing interests.

Additional information

Publisher’s note.

Springer Nature remains neutral with regard to jurisdictional claims in published maps and institutional affiliations.

Rights and permissions

Open Access This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License, which permits use, sharing, adaptation, distribution and reproduction in any medium or format, as long as you give appropriate credit to the original author(s) and the source, provide a link to the Creative Commons licence, and indicate if changes were made. The images or other third party material in this article are included in the article's Creative Commons licence, unless indicated otherwise in a credit line to the material. If material is not included in the article's Creative Commons licence and your intended use is not permitted by statutory regulation or exceeds the permitted use, you will need to obtain permission directly from the copyright holder. To view a copy of this licence, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ . The Creative Commons Public Domain Dedication waiver ( http://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/ ) applies to the data made available in this article, unless otherwise stated in a credit line to the data.

Reprints and permissions

About this article

Cite this article.

Benham-Clarke, S., Ewing, J., Barlow, A. et al. Learning how relationships work: a thematic analysis of young people and relationship professionals’ perspectives on relationships and relationship education. BMC Public Health 22 , 2332 (2022). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-022-14802-5

Download citation

Received : 21 November 2021

Accepted : 17 October 2022

Published : 13 December 2022

DOI : https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-022-14802-5

Share this article

Anyone you share the following link with will be able to read this content:

Sorry, a shareable link is not currently available for this article.

Provided by the Springer Nature SharedIt content-sharing initiative

• Relationship
• Mental health
• Public health

BMC Public Health

ISSN: 1471-2458

• General enquiries: [email protected]

• Bipolar Disorder
• Therapy Center
• When To See a Therapist
• Types of Therapy
• Best Online Therapy
• Best Couples Therapy
• Best Family Therapy
• Managing Stress
• Sleep and Dreaming
• Understanding Emotions
• Self-Improvement
• Healthy Relationships
• Student Resources
• Personality Types
• Guided Meditations
• Verywell Mind Insights
• 2024 Verywell Mind 25
• Mental Health in the Classroom
• Editorial Process
• Meet Our Review Board
• Crisis Support
• Living Well

Relationships

Healthy relationships are characterized by love and respect. Whether you are single, in a long-term partnership, or recently divorced, it's important to understand your communication style, how you behave in relationships, and how to feel more secure in your love life, friendships, and family relationships. Explore resources that'll help you create open conversations, identify issues, and much more.

Foundations of a Strong Relationship

Frequently asked questions.

While some issues, such as abuse or infidelity, may be instant relationship dealbreakers, other issues such as a lack of love, communication problems, lack of respect and trust, or growing apart may also be signs a relationship is in trouble.

Infidelity doesn't always mean the end of a relationship, but there are a number of things to consider when a partner has been unfaithful, such as the nature of the cheating, your partner's remorse, and whether or not you feel you can forgive or trust them moving forward.

Research supports the benefits of couples counseling, which can help change patterns of interaction, communication, your emotional connection, and how you handle conflict with your partner.

Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy that can help you and a partner improve your relationship. It has been shown to help improve communication, problem solving, and more.

Codependency is a mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual reliance on a partner, friend, or family member, who in turn uses that reliance to fulfill their own needs. It is generally considered an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

Libido is your sexual appetite or drive. It can be impacted by hormones, brain function, learned behaviors, and fluctuate based physical and mental health conditions such as stress or depression.

An emotional affair is when a person in a relationship invests significant time and energy in a friendship outside of that relationship to its detriment. While not sexually intimate, an emotional affair is often considered to be a form of cheating.

Narcissism is a personality style marked by self-centeredness, lack of empathy, and an exaggerated sense of self-importance. In relationships, a narcissistic partner may lead you to feel manipulated and unloved and your needs unmet

Attachment refers to the way you interact and behave in relationships. Believed to develop in childhood, your attachment style may impact your ability to have close, secure, long-lasting relationships.

Explore Relationships

More in living well.

Building Healthy Relationships With 40 Helpful Worksheets

The quality of our relationships with others affects our personal and professional lives and our sense of belonging to a wider community and humanity (Halford, Pepping, & Petch, 2018; Murray, Ross, & Cannon, 2021; Yucel, 2018).

However, even the healthiest relationships will encounter problems, misunderstandings, and confusion from time to time. Healthy relationships are not pain free or perfect. To maintain healthy relationships, we need healthy interpersonal boundaries, good communication skills, and the capacity for compassion and forgiveness for the all too human mistakes we all make (Yucel, 2018).

This article provides relationship-focused worksheets, recommends helpful relationship books, and offers additional resources from our extensive library at PositivePsychology.com.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Relationship Exercises for free . These detailed, science-based exercises will help you or your clients build healthy, life-enriching relationships.

This Article Contains:

Building healthy relationships worksheets, healthy relationships activities for adults, healthy vs unhealthy relationships worksheets, helpful relationships books, positivepsychology.com resources, a take-home message.

Building healthy relationships with people takes time. Developing trust is essential and requires mutual openness and authenticity to flourish (Falconier et al., 2015).

We also need to be mindful of the appropriate boundaries for different types of relationships, such as work colleagues, parents, children, partners, friends, and acquaintances (Davis, Morris & Drake, 2017; Murray, Ross, & Cannon, 2021).

Knowing Your Partner

For most of us, the relationship we have with our significant other will be one of the most important and challenging relationships of our lifetimes (Yucel, 2018). All partnerships encounter problems especially in the longer term, when the initial excitement of romance wears off (Falconier et al., 2015).

Use the worksheets below to address common issues that arise between couples as the relationship develops. These worksheets can also be used as tools when counseling couples or downloaded as a self-help resource.

1. The High Quality Relationships (HQR) Worksheet

The HQR worksheet invites you to reflect on six areas common to all types of relationships, their quality, and therefore healthiness. These areas assess your capacity for:

• constructive emotional expression
• managing challenges
• accepting diversity
• interactive vitality
• positive regard

Starting with this self-assessment worksheet reveals areas where relationship healthiness might be lacking.

2. Imago Workup

This Imago worksheet helps identify the qualities you want in a prospective romantic partner. It particularly draws on how childhood experiences and related attachment patterns affect the development of a romantic partnership as an adult.

3. About Your Partner

You can use the about your partner worksheet to check how much attention you pay to your partner and how well you know them as a person. It covers several life domains, including the things they most enjoy, what they want for the future, the things they most like about you, their relationships with other people, and their feelings about work and money.

4. Good Qualities

This good qualities worksheet helps couples reflect on what they appreciate about each other. It’s common for couples to forget why they were first attracted to each other as the relationship matures.

5. Valuing My Partner

Similarly, this valuing my partner worksheet helps couples who tend to focus on each other’s negative qualities to remember when they first met and what they value about each other now.

6. Three Things We Have In Common

This worksheet helps partners appreciate the commonalities and differences between them that make their relationship work. It should be completed by partners together and the answers discussed, raising awareness of each other’s complementary qualities.

7. Relationship Qualities

Couples tend to forget each other’s strengths when their relationship is tainted by conflict. This worksheet logs a list of activities to re-visit as a couple that have inspired positive feelings in the past.

8. Understanding The Big Picture

The big picture worksheet helps couples concentrate on their shared vision of the future to get through the more mundane and difficult times that every long-term relationship encounters. It uses miracle questions to build trust and connection with your partner and rekindle shared dreams.

9. Mutual Relationship Vision

Building on the big picture, this relationship vision worksheet encourages partners to note down all those things they most want from their relationship to make it ideal. Often couples lose sight of what excites and inspires their partner and as we grow, these things can also change.

10. Ranking Priorities in a Relationship

As our relationships mature, we can start taking our partner for granted and spend our spare time doing things that add no value to our relationship. This ranking exercise helps couples focus on expressing their values as a couple in a range of life domains, and prioritize the shared experiences that bring them the greatest fulfillment.

11. Interviewing Your Partner

Early in a relationship, we want to uncover as much as possible about our partner. However, that interest can dwindle as they become more familiar. This worksheet encourages couples to express curiosity about each other and rekindle interest in their partner.

12. Caring Behaviors List

This list of caring behaviors encourages couples to reflect on how their partner makes them feel loved and cared for. It is important to keep relationships alive by sharing experiences that have a special meaning for each other.

13. Create a Connection Ritual

Creating a positive connection ritual helps couples make time for each other and can prevent them from drifting apart. This worksheet guides couples on how to create a regular connection that meets both partners’ needs for intimacy.

14. What Makes a Perfect Day

Knowing that our partner wants to make us happy has positive consequences in a relationship. This perfect day worksheet encourages each partner to reflect on how they can turn a partner’s bad day into a good one. Each partner can learn how to make slight changes that profoundly affect each other’s lives.

Good communication and understanding how to manage conflict are essential relationship maintenance skills (Halford, Pepping, & Petch, 2018).

Improve communication

15. effective communication reflection worksheet.

Effective communication requires a few simple skills that can be easily overlooked. This effective communication worksheet lists the basic verbal and non-verbal communication skills that we can use to build trust and understanding in any situation.

16. How to Improve Communication in Relationships: 7 Essential Skills

This how to improve communication worksheet outlines a set of seven essential communication skills that enable us to listen actively and respond constructively, without judgment.

17. Active Listening Reflection Worksheet

Active listening involves a combination of verbal and non-verbal communication skills that improve our ability to absorb, understand, and respond to what is being said.

This active listening worksheet outlines each skill and encourages you to reflect on how it can improve communication.

18. Capitalizing Positive Emotions With Active Constructive Responding

This worksheet is designed for a minimum of two people in a relationship but could be used with more. It focuses on how we communicate when things go right for others and ourselves.

Sometimes, an individual’s success can evoke jealousy, resentment, or envy in others. Active constructive responding counters negative responses by enhancing our appreciation of other people’s positive qualities and successes.

19. Knowing When to Speak Up

Sometimes it’s difficult to know when to speak up and stand your ground about something.

This knowing when to speak up worksheet offers guidance about when it is appropriate to speak up in a range of relationship situations, including the workplace.

Naikan Therapy

A Buddhist monk called Ishin Yoshimoto developed Naikan Therapy in 1940s’ Japan (Krech, 2001). It involves a rigorous process of introspection based on three core questions: what have I received, what have I given, and what problems and difficulties have I caused? It’s used in marital therapy to encourage partners to see themselves through the eyes of their partner and others in general.

20. Self-Reflection on Intimate Relationships

This reflection worksheet encourages each partner to reflect on their partner’s needs and how their behavior has affected their significant other. Partnerships can deteriorate when one or both partners put their own needs first.

21. Daily and Weekly Naikan Reflection Review and Goals

This Naikan reflection worksheet guides you through a daily reflection using the three Naikan questions to encourage greater self-awareness.

22. Self-Reflection Behavior Review

This self-reflection worksheet comprises a series of tabulated questions for clients in therapy or counseling about their behavior during a periodic review. The three Naikan questions are used to encourage a client’s reflection on the effects of their behavior, and what they need to be mindful of in the future.

Managing conflict positively

Some conflict is inevitable in any relationship given our all-too-human capacity for misunderstanding others and the fact that we’ll never agree with another person about everything. Conflict resolution is a valuable skill that transforms friction into creative tension, a driver of positive change (Shipley et al., 2018).

23. Conflict Resolution Checklist

This conflict resolution checklist invites the parties in a conflict to consider the sources of their differences using a checklist, and what needs to change to resolve their conflict.

24. What Are Your Unique Triggers?

This ‘triggers’ worksheet improves self-awareness of the events that trigger our stress reactions, which are essential for managing conflict.

25. Remaining Calm During Conflict

When dealing with difficult situations, it is essential to remain calm as losing our patience only escalates conflict. This remaining calm worksheet provides tips for conflict resolution in the workplace which is crucial for retaining the respect of those we work with.

26. Anger Exit and Re-Entry Routines: The Pause that Refreshes

This anger management worksheet asks you to consider what signals indicate the need for a pause to cool off and prevent the escalation of conflict with another. A pause can enhance clarity and more effective communication.

27. The EQ 5 Point Tool

EQ refers to our emotional intelligence quotient . This EQ worksheet explains how to use the EQ 5 point tool to defuse and resolve conflict.

Download 3 Free Positive Relationships Exercises (PDF)

These detailed, science-based exercises will equip you or your clients to build healthy, life-enriching relationships.

Download 3 Positive Relationships Pack (PDF)

By filling out your name and email address below.

• Email Address *
• Your Expertise * Your expertise Therapy Coaching Education Counseling Business Healthcare Other
• Email This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

In this section, we focus on the relationship challenges that can lead to distance and distrust that can even escalate into emotional abuse .

Authenticity

These three worksheets focus on authenticity and assess how a lack of honesty with yourself and others impacts your relationships.

Nobody enjoys being deceived or manipulated, so discovering that others that we love and respect have been less than straightforward can undermine and even destroy relationships (Olaf et al., 2021).

28. Relationship Audit

The relationship audit invites your client to assess their degree of authenticity with others.

29. Relationship Authenticity Checklist

This checklist comprises a checklist of indicators of your level of authenticity with yourself and others in relationships, and what needs to change if authenticity is lacking.

30. Finding Discrepancies

This finding discrepancies worksheet invites you to consider any discrepancies revealed by the assessments of authenticity above and the impacts they will have on different areas of your life if they continue or stop.

Codependency

Codependent relationships are characterized by a need to control others; an overwhelming sense of responsibility for the other’s moods, feelings, or problems; a lack of authentic communication; and poor interpersonal boundaries (Bacon et al., 2020).

Codependency can affect intimate partnerships, friendships, and other types of family relationships. The following three worksheets are designed to assess levels of codependency and transform codependency patterns.

31. Codependency Questionnaire

This codependency questionnaire assesses the codependent tendencies of the respondent.

32. Codependent Relationships: Beliefs, Attributes, and Outcomes

This worksheet assesses the level of codependency in a relationship which is typically characterized by an excessive dependence on another’s approval for one’s sense of identity and self-worth.

33. Shifting Codependency Patterns

This worthwhile worksheet describes typical codependent behaviors and asks those with codependent relationships how they can adopt behaviors that support mature, healthy relationships.

Skills for healthy romantic relationships – Joanne Davila

Group Therapy Activities

The following group therapy exercises support the development of healthy relationships in all kinds of groups.

34. Practice Verbal Communication Skills

Although this communications worksheet is aimed at therapists and counselors in training, it can also be used as a team-building exercise that supports the development of group communication skills.

35. Things I Love

This checklist provides a way of checking the things you love in a range of life domains. It is a group exercise, and every group member needs a chance to contribute to deepen the positive connections in the group.

36. What I See in You

This group exercise boosts each member’s self-esteem by asking others about their positive qualities. Often, people are surprised to hear how much they are appreciated and valued by others.

37. Create a Care Package Worksheet

This care package exercise reveals what is most important to each participant. You are asked to name ten things you would take to start a new life in an unknown location and what they mean to you. Sharing the exercise in a group helps to build deeper understanding between group members.

38. Silent Connections

This silent connections worksheet outlines an exercise based on mindfulness of other people and using non-verbal communication to build social connections. Mindfulness improves our sensitivity to others and supports constructive social engagement in a range of contexts.

39. Blindfold Guiding Exercise

This blindfolded guide exercise is used to build trust in groups. A blindfolded member experiences the vulnerability required to extend trust while being guided by another.

40. Human Typewriter

The human typewriter outlines a fun team-building exercise that helps build social cohesion and cooperation in groups.

The following five books are useful resources for those seeking to improve their intimate partnerships and resolve and heal betrayal in different types of relationships.

1. Betrayal Bond, Revised: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships – Patrick Carnes

These include intimate partnerships, with family members, friends, and work colleagues.

Find it on Amazon .

2. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts – Gary Chapman

The book helps readers identify the types of verbal and nonverbal communication that enhance and deepen emotional intimacy.

3. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love – Sue Johnson

It is based on relationship case studies and includes a range of exercises.

4. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples (3rd Edition) – Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt

It includes several useful exercises to help improve communication and enhance mutual support.

5. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work – John Gottman and Nan Silver

The authors include a range of exercises and questionnaires.

In addition to the resources offered above, you may be interested in our Positive Relationships Masterclass , a 6-module science-based relationships training for helping professionals.

Scientific research over the past few decades has shown that social relationships are one of the key contributors to personal happiness and wellbeing.

People with a strong support network are much more resilient. Our Masterclass introduces you to the vital elements of healthy relationships that promote human flourishing and provides a range of practical tools to help you and your clients develop and sustain meaningful social connections.

In addition, you might find the following articles useful:

• 11+ Honesty Worksheets & Tests for Adults
• What Is Marriage Psychology? +6 Tips for Therapists
• The Importance of Forgiveness in Marriage and Relationships
• Attachment Styles in Relationships: 6 Worksheets for Adults

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others build healthy relationships, this collection contains 17 validated positive relationships tools for practitioners. Use them to help others form healthier, more nurturing, and life-enriching relationships.

World’s Largest Positive Psychology Resource

The Positive Psychology Toolkit© is a groundbreaking practitioner resource containing over 500 science-based exercises , activities, interventions, questionnaires, and assessments created by experts using the latest positive psychology research.

Updated monthly. 100% Science-based.

“The best positive psychology resource out there!” — Emiliya Zhivotovskaya , Flourishing Center CEO

We hope you found this article and related resources helpful. Human beings are social animals and we need healthy relationships as much as the air we breathe. However, the skills required to start and sustain healthy relationships are not taught in any formal sense, but modeled to most of us by family members, other adults, and peers during childhood.

This is fine if we come from a functional family and community that modeled healthy relationships. Yet each of us is subject to too many influences as we grow and develop to emerge into adulthood unscathed by poor communication and faulty patterns of relating.

The good news is that we can remedy the situation and build healthy relationships nevertheless by improving our communication skills, and learning how to be more authentic, compassionate, and forgiving with others, as well as ourselves.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Positive Relationships Exercises for free .

• Bacon, I., McKay, E., Reynolds, F. & McIntyre, A. (2020). The lived experience of codependency: An interpretative phenomenological analysis. International Journal of Mental Health and Addiction 18 , 754–771.
• Davis, T. J., Morris, M., & Drake, M. M. (2016). The moderation effect of mindfulness on the relationship between adult attachment and wellbeing. Personality and Individual Differences , 96, 115–121.
• Falconier, M. K., Nussbeck, F., Bodenmann, G., Schneider, H., & Bradbury, T. (2015). Stress from daily hassles in couples: Its effects on intradyadic stress, relationship satisfaction, and physical and psychological well-being. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy , 41(2), 221–235.
• Halford, W. K., Pepping, C. A., & Petch, J. (2018). Promoting healthy relationships. In A. L. Vangelisti & D. Perlman (Eds.), The Cambridge handbook of personal relationships (2nd ed., pp. 579–590). Cambridge University Press.
• Krech, G. (2001). Naikan: gratitude, grace and the Japanese art of self-reflection . Stone Bridge Press.
• Murray, C. E., Ross, R., & Cannon, J. (2021). The Happy, Healthy, Safe Relationships Continuum: Conceptualizing a spectrum of relationship quality to guide community-based healthy relationship promotion programming. The Family Journal , 29(1), 50–59.
• Olaf, D., Friederichs, K. M., Lebedinski, S, & Liesenfeld, K. M. (2021) The essence of authenticity. Frontiers in Psychology , 11.
• Shipley, M., Holden, C., McNeill, E. B., Fehr, S., & Wilson, K. (2018). Piecing together behaviors of healthy relationships. Health Educator , 50(1), 24–29.
• Yucel, D. (2018). The dyadic nature of relationships: Relationship satisfaction among married and cohabiting couples. Applied Research in Quality of Life , 13, 37–58.

Share this article:

Article feedback

What our readers think.

Thanks so much for this!

Let us know your thoughts Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.

Related articles

Managing Chronic Loneliness When Aging: 23 Strategies

Chronic loneliness can affect us all at any point in our lifetimes, but it can be a significant challenge for many older adults as they [...]

Enmeshment: Breaking Free From Overbearing Relationships

When boundaries are unclear, particularly in families, relationships can become overbearing, with individuals experiencing a diminished sense of self (Bacon & Conway, 2023). In such [...]

Can a Disorganized Attachment Style Be Overcome?

No individual needs to be defined by the actions or behavior of their parents. However, the attachment strategies we form early in our lives for [...]

Read other articles by their category

• Body & Brain (51)
• Coaching & Application (58)
• Compassion (25)
• Counseling (51)
• Emotional Intelligence (23)
• Gratitude (18)
• Grief & Bereavement (21)
• Happiness & SWB (40)
• Meaning & Values (26)
• Meditation (20)
• Mindfulness (44)
• Motivation & Goals (45)
• Optimism & Mindset (34)
• Positive CBT (30)
• Positive Communication (22)
• Positive Education (47)
• Positive Emotions (32)
• Positive Leadership (19)
• Positive Parenting (16)
• Positive Psychology (34)
• Positive Workplace (37)
• Productivity (18)
• Relationships (44)
• Resilience & Coping (39)
• Self Awareness (21)
• Self Esteem (38)
• Strengths & Virtues (32)
• Stress & Burnout Prevention (34)
• Theory & Books (46)
• Therapy Exercises (37)
• Types of Therapy (64)

• Comments This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

3 Positive Relationships Exercises Pack

What Is A Healthy Relationship, Actually? Experts Explain

Plus, the unhealthy signs to watch out for.

A healthy relationship can look different within different dynamics (there’s no one-size-fits-all mold when it comes to dating!), but there are a few benchmarks to check off: trust, communication, respect. The basics! You need all three, says Jack Hazan, MA, LMHC, CSAT, a relationship therapist in New York City.

It’s also important to note that just because your relationship was once healthy, doesn’t mean that it’s a get-out-of-jail-free card for the future. “A healthy relationship can become unhealthy. Over time, a lot can happen and a lot can change ,” says Caitlin Cantor, LCSW, CST, a couples and sex therapist who sees clients in Philadelphia and New Jersey. “...Old traumas get triggered; new traumas happen; people get complacent; people get distracted. [A lot] can happen that leads a once healthy relationship to become unhealthy.”

Meet the Experts: Jack Hazan , MA, LMHC, CSAT, is a relationship therapist in New York City. Caitlin Cantor , LCSW, CST, is a couples and sex therapist who sees clients in Philadelphia and New Jersey. Melissa Fulgieri , LCSW, is a therapist and the author of Couples Therapy Activity Book.

Granted, no relationship is perfect 24/7—that’s just the reality of two flawed human beings trying to navigate life together. But do you and your S.O. have the fundamental hallmarks of a solid, nourishing, and mutually-beneficial bond? Here, experts explain what a healthy relationship *actually* looks like in practice—and how to maintain one with your partner.

What are the signs of a healthy relationship?

While there are a lot of different indicators of a healthy relationship, a few are non-negotiable, according to experts. Here are the signs to look out for, and how to foster them.

It’s a buzzword for a reason. The ability to trust your partner, and vice versa, is the number one way to maintain a healthy relationship. “Trust and safety with your partner is integral,” Hazan says. “This means not keeping secrets, maintaining a sense of security, and knowing they won’t physically, emotionally, or mentally hurt you.”

Establishing trust in a relationship is often a slow and steady development. And it’s about the little things, says Melissa Fulgieri, LCSW, a therapist and author of Couples Therapy Activity Book. “Consistency and communication build trust,” Fulgieri says, adding that you should think about it like a bank account. “You put in deposits in the form of doing what you say you will, being consistent, being kind, and you take withdrawals when you criticize, defend, shut your partner down, blame them, et cetera.”

Effective and kind communication

You need to not only be able to communicate, but communicate effectively, kindly, and with respect. It’s a part of building that aforementioned sense of trust. “Having open communication with your partner is extremely important,” Hazan adds. “Being able to talk to your partner about your feelings helps to build trust and a mutual understanding of each other.”

Now what does that look like, exactly? According to Fulgieri, effective communication includes leading with your emotions and asking for your specific needs to be met. That also means “seeking to understand your partner’s perspective instead of engaging them in a conversation to try and further prove your point,” explains Fulgieri. “It looks like focusing on one problem at a time instead of saying things like ‘you always,’ ‘you never.’” That will help you avoid blaming your partner, so you can remain a team and work together on a productive solution.

Remember: There’s no right or wrong in an argument, but rather two sides.

The ability to take ownership of your actions

This goes both ways. A relationship just simply won’t work if you can’t empathize with your partner’s hurt and take ownership over your actions that may have caused said hurt. Cantor puts it simply: “Defensiveness is a relationship killer.” Here’s why: It all goes back to effective communication.

“Defensiveness limits the opportunity to communicate to your partner that you hear their perspective, understand their perspective, and see it as valid,” Fulgieri explains. “If you are too busy defending your perspective, you miss an opportunity to connect with your partner, which can only come from your partner feeling heard and understood.”

Believe it or not, there is enough space in the relationship for both partner's opinions, thoughts, and feelings—even if they don’t perfectly align. “Take ownership for your part, your life, your healing instead of blaming others,” Cantor says. “Look inward and learn how to own your part and do better for yourself, your relationship, and your partner.”

You need to be accountable for your own actions and mistakes, because guess what? You are going to mess up—that’s just a part of being human. So just understand how your actions affect your significant other, and take responsibility for them. Sometimes you need to listen to get there, and that’s okay, too. That’s why you have to leave the defensiveness at the door.

Mutual interest in each other’s needs

For a relationship to work, you need to set aside some of your own selfish instincts. There’s another person involved now. Their feelings, beliefs, wants, and needs matter, too—and they should matter to you. While, frankly, no one is capable of meeting another person’s needs 100 percent of the time, you should prioritize them as much as possible, says Cantor.

Prioritizing your partner’s needs can look like compromise, simple communication (yep, there’s that buzzword again!), self-awareness, and just being attuned to one another, Fulgieri says. Just don’t abandon your own needs in the process of prioritizing theirs. That’s not healthy, either.

An ability to forgive and grow from it

Hey, your partner is bound to mess up, and so are you. A healthy relationship doesn't mean partners don't make mistakes—but it is dependent on the ability to forgive and grow from those mistakes,” says Hazan. “That’s not to say you should forgive everything your partner does, he clarifies. “But being able to choose your battles and decide what’s worth forgiving is crucial.”

If you still can’t determine whether your relationship is healthy or not, Hazan suggests taking a look at your dynamic and asking yourself the following questions:

• Can I tell this to my partner with healthy communication?
• Are my expectations of the relationship being met?
• Do I feel I can personally grow with my partner?
• Can I be myself with them or do I put on a new personality?
• Is my life better with them in it?

What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship?

Contrary to popular belief, you can’t and shouldn’t ignore a person’s red flags just because they’re over six feet tall, or whatever your dating kryptonite is. An unhealthy relationship requires action—be it therapy, or a breakup . Sure, sometimes you can stop the cycle (more on that in a min), but it’s also important to know and look out for signs that you might be embroiled in a toxic dynamic with your significant other. Here are some of the biggest warning signals, per experts.

1. You’re anxious or emotionally drained.

If you’re feeling these extremes, it’s probably not on you. Rather, it’s more than likely you’re not in a healthy partnership to begin with—an unhealthy relationship is the breeding ground for anxiety and emotional distress . Those feelings are basically a subconscious alarm bell.

If you’re feeling that way—no matter the state of your relationship—you should seek help from a mental health professional. Maybe the stress is the result of an unhealthy ‘ship, maybe there’s something deeper at play like an anxiety disorder, or maybe it’s a combo of sorts. That’s where a professional will come in handy—they can help you sort through those things. Because, as Hazan puts it, “Relationships shouldn’t drain you. They should build you up and push you to grow.”

2. You feel like you can't be yourself around them.

If you’re living your life walking on eggshells around your partner, spoiler alert: They aren’t it. “You should feel free to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner… healthy relationships come with acceptance," Hazan says. "While we can dislike things a partner does, constantly wanting to change them or control them isn’t healthy.”

3. You feel repeatedly disappointed.

No, you’re not being selfish! Repeated disappointment—especially when you’re consistently communicating your needs with your partner—is a red flag, Cantor warns.

“You could have a very rational request for your partner, but they are unwilling or unable to meet your request,” Fulgieri says. “You may ultimately decide you are not compatible but it was not because your need was unrealistic overall, it was only specifically unrealistic for that person to meet.”

Of course, there is a caveat here, and that’s the possibility that you are expressing unrealistic expectations. Those exist! But only in unhealthy relationship structures. “Actual unrealistic requests may fall into a controlling category,” Fulgieri adds. It's unrealistic, for example, “to know or want to know where your partner is at every moment of the day.” File that one, in particular, as a red flag.

4. Your relationship feels unbalanced.

This might look different depending on the relationship, but if there is an emotional or power imbalance in your ’ship, it could be a sign things are headed south.

Now let’s talk about both. An emotional imbalance looks like a lack of reciprocity in the relationship, i.e. one person might be (unhappily) giving more in the dynamic emotionally. They’re always available to listen, comfort, communicate, and show affection, while the other person does not repay the favor. A power imbalance, however, might mean that one person in the relationship has more privilege, money, or maybe professional power, Fulgieri explains.

“If only one person is interested in working and improving, that can be problematic,” and another sign of a relationship imbalance, Cantor adds. “Sometimes one person working on it is enough to make big changes, but often both people have to be willing to make changes.”

How can I make my relationship healthier?

Here’s the good news: Much as a healthy relationship can become unhealthy, an unhealthy relationship isn’t necessarily doomed—emphasis on necessarily . While you should tread lightly and prioritize yourself, it is possible to redirect the relationship with the appropriate help, Cantor says. “Usually this would require both people to work on themselves and the relationship,” she explains. “Without getting professional help, it’s unlikely for an unhealthy relationship to become healthy. But with help, it’s possible.”

The first step, really, is to analyze your own relationship. Trust your gut, understand what a healthy relationship looks like, and ask both yourself and your partner the important (and yes, often difficult) questions, like the ones listed above, about whether your current relationship is working.

Once you’ve done that—and possibly identified a few red flags along the way—seek help. As a rule of thumb, “if you think you need to start seeing a therapist for relationship issues, it’s probably time,” Hazan says. Having an unbiased, third party to moderate might be the antidote you need.

If your partner is unwilling to seek therapy, however, Fulgieri suggests asking yourself a series of questions:

• Are they aware of what behavior I need them to exhibit or stop exhibiting or what dynamic I need us to change?
• Are they willing to change it?
• Is there evidence of change?
• Is that evidence enough to stay?

“Both people are always co-creating their dynamic. That means that it’s never one person’s fault if things are unhealthy,” Cantor says. “It’s not even about fault, but recognizing how both people are participating in furthering the unhealthy dynamic gives either person (and both people) the power to change.”

Now here’s a caveat: Not every relationship should be saved—or can be, for that matter. Sometimes, you need to realize the healthy decision is actually to end the relationship altogether. There’s not always a way through these toxic situations, but rather, just a way out. Sometimes that’s the healthy choice—and the choice that will ultimately lead you into a genuinely healthy relationship, too.

Megan Schaltegger is an NYC-based writer. She loves strong coffee, eating her way through the Manhattan food scene, and her dog, Murray. She promises not to talk about herself in third person IRL.

Relationships

Who Is Simone Biles’ Husband? About Jonathan Owens

Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Cheating On You

Who's Paula Badosa's Boyfriend Stefanos Tsitsipas?

Why You're Obsessed With Your Fav Celeb Couple

What Is Micro-Cheating?

Read This If You Want To Boost Your Confidence

Ask Your S.O. These Compatibility Questions

Meet Basketball Star Caitlin Clark's Boyfriend

Sabrina Carpenter & Barry Keoghan's Body Language

Who Is Cameron Brink's Boyfriend Ben Felter?

Pro Athletes Who Have Gone From Teammates To S.O.s