essay about losing a family member

Essays About Losing a Loved One: Top 5 Examples

Writing essays about losing a loved one can be challenging; discover our helpful guide with essay examples and writing prompts to help you begin writing. 

One of the most basic facts of life is that it is unpredictable. Nothing on this earth is permanent, and any one of us can pass away in the blink of an eye. But unfortunately, they leave behind many family members and friends who will miss them very much whenever someone dies.

The most devastating news can ruin our best days, affecting us negatively for the next few months and years. When we lose a loved one, we also lose a part of ourselves. Even if the loss can make you feel hopeless at times, finding ways to cope healthily, distract yourself, and move on while still honoring and remembering the deceased is essential.

5 Top Essay Examples

1. losing a loved one by louis barker, 2. personal reflections on coping and loss by adrian furnham , 3. losing my mom helped me become a better parent by trish mann, 4. reflection – dealing with grief and loss by joe joyce.

• 5. ​​Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

1. Is Resilience Glorified in Society?

2. how to cope with a loss, 3. reflection on losing a loved one, 4. the stages of grief, 5. the circle of life, 6. how different cultures commemorate losing a loved one.

“I managed to keep my cool until I realized why I was seeing these familiar faces. Once the service started I managed to keep my emotions in tack until I saw my grandmother break down. I could not even look up at her because I thought about how I would feel in the same situation. Your life can change drastically at any moment. Do not take life or the people that you love for granted, you are only here once.”

Barker reflects on how he found out his uncle had passed away. The writer describes the events leading up to the discovery, contrasting the relaxed, cheerful mood and setting that enveloped the house with the feelings of shock, dread, and devastation that he and his family felt once they heard. He also recalls his family members’ different emotions and mannerisms at the memorial service and funeral. 

“Most people like to believe that they live in a just, orderly and stable world where good wins out in the end. But what if things really are random? Counselors and therapists talk about the grief process and grief stages. Given that nearly all of us have experienced major loss and observed it in others, might one expect that people would be relatively sophisticated in helping the grieving?”

Furnham, a psychologist, discusses the stages of grief and proposes six different responses to finding out about one’s loss or suffering: avoidance, brief encounters, miracle cures, real listeners, practical help, and “giving no quarter.” He discusses this in the context of his wife’s breast cancer diagnosis, after which many people displayed these responses. Finally, Furnham mentions the irony that although we have all experienced and observed losing a loved one, no one can help others grieve perfectly.

“When I look in the mirror, I see my mom looking back at me from coffee-colored eyes under the oh-so-familiar crease of her eyelid. She is still here in me. Death does not take what we do not relinquish. I have no doubt she is sitting beside me when I am at my lowest telling me, ‘You can do this. You got this. I believe in you.’”

In Mann’s essay, she tries to see the bright side of her loss; despite the anguish she experienced due to her mother’s passing. Expectedly, she was incredibly depressed and had difficulty accepting that her mom was gone. But, on the other hand, she began to channel her mom into parenting her children, evoking the happy memories they once shared. She is also amused to see the parallels between her and her kids with her and her mother growing up. 

“Now I understood that these feelings must be allowed expression for as long as a person needs. I realized that the “don’t cry” I had spoken on many occasions in the past was not of much help to grieving persons, and that when I had used those words I had been expressing more my own discomfort with feelings of grief and loss than paying attention to the need of mourners to express them.”

Joyce, a priest, writes about the time he witnessed the passing of his cousin on his deathbed. Having experienced this loss right as it happened, he was understandably shaken and realized that all his preachings of “don’t cry” were unrealistic. He compares this instance to a funeral he attended in Pakistan, recalling the importance of letting grief take its course while not allowing it to consume you. 

5. ​​ Will We Always Hurt on The Anniversary of Losing a Loved One? by Anne Peterson

“Death. It’s certain. And we can’t do anything about that. In fact, we are not in control of many of the difficult circumstances of our lives, but we are responsible for how we respond to them. And I choose to honor their memory.”

Peterson discusses how she feels when she has to commemorate the anniversary of losing a loved one. She recalls the tragic deaths of her sister, two brothers, and granddaughter and describes her guilt and anger. Finally, she prays to God, asking him to help her; because of a combination of prayer and self-reflection, she can look back on these times with peace and hope that they will reunite one day. 

6 Thought-Provoking Writing Prompts on Essays About Losing A Loved One

Society tends to praise those who show resilience and strength, especially in times of struggle, such as losing a loved one. However, praising a person’s resilience can prevent them from feeling the pain of loss and grief. This essay explores how glorifying resilience can prevent a person from healing from painful events. Be sure to include examples of this issue in society and your own experiences, if applicable.

Loss is always tricky, especially involving someone close to your heart. Reflect on your personal experiences and how you overcame your grief for an effective essay. Create an essay to guide readers on how to cope with loss. If you can’t pull ideas from your own experiences, research and read other people’s experiences with overcoming loss in life.

If you have experienced losing a loved one, use this essay to describe how it made you feel. Discuss how you reacted to this loss and how it has impacted who you are today. Writing an essay like this may be sensitive for many. If you don’t feel comfortable with this topic, you can write about and analyze the loss of a loved one in a book, movie, or TV show you have seen. 

When we lose a loved one, grief is expected. There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Discuss each one and how they all connect. You can write a compelling essay by including examples of how the different stages are manifested in books, television, and maybe even your own experiences. 

Death is often regarded as a part of a so-called “circle of life,” most famously shown through the film, The Lion King . In summary, it explains that life goes on and always ends with death. For an intriguing essay topic, reflect on this phrase and discuss what it means to you in the context of losing a loved one. For example, perhaps keeping this in mind can help you cope with the loss. 

Different cultures have different traditions, affected by geography, religion, and history. Funerals are no exception to this; in your essay, research how different cultures honor their deceased and compare and contrast them. No matter how different they may seem, try finding one or two similarities between your chosen traditions. 

If you’d like to learn more, our writer explains how to write an argumentative essay in this guide.For help picking your next essay topic, check out our 20 engaging essay topics about family .

Martin is an avid writer specializing in editing and proofreading. He also enjoys literary analysis and writing about food and travel.

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Losing a Family Member

How it works

Grief often arises as a result of some kind of loss, such as the death of a loved one, a breakup in a relationship, or loss of a job. Grief is an individual experience, and everyone has the right to grieve in their own way. What one person considers a minor loss can be a great grief for another. The manifestation of grief, inter alia, is influenced by personal characteristics, previous losses, the nature of the loss that caused grief, as well as the support received in this situation.

Sometimes people expect grief to manifest itself in some known way, such as crying at a funeral or discussing an incident. However, the ways of grieving are individual; not all people are able or willing, for example, to show their feelings in the presence of others. Someone is trying to overcome grief with vigorous activity. Some may be dumbfounded or shocked when others begin to deal with what happened. Stereotypes about grief can contribute to anxiety. A person who has experienced a terrible loss forgets that he also has a right to joy in the good moments of life. The grieving person experiences the incident for himself and not for other people.

Grief can evoke a variety of emotions: deep longing, a desire to reject what happened, feelings of rejection, insecurity, anxiety, guilt and anger. The physical body can also respond to grief: head and stomach aches, memory lapses, fatigue, rigidity, and, for example, symptoms of panic disorder. As a consequence of the traumatic crisis in grief, various hallucinatory phenomena are possible. A person may, for example, believe that he hears the voice of the deceased.

Sad feelings and thoughts often come in waves, and some day can be harder than another. Gradually, emotions begin to smooth out, and a person can continue life with the awareness of loss. Sometimes the period of grief can be prolonged or transformed into depression, in such cases, a person especially needs outside help.

Read the case description: When grief does not let go

Ways to Overcome Grief Listed below are the various coping strategies that people use when experiencing grief.

Analysis of what happened and awareness of the event as a whole Some overcome their grief by gathering information about what happened. They try to make the most complete possible picture of what happened and thereby understand everything in the best possible way. Awareness of integrity and sufficient information about events help them to analyze their grief and changed life situation.

It must be remembered that it is also important for the child to get enough information about what happened so that he does not have to fantasize about the course of events. Nevertheless, it is better to tell the child about what happened taking into account his age. Read more about childhood grief.

Dependence on other people Many people are encouraged to belong to a group or organization where they can share their experiences or engage in joint activities. For centuries, people have experienced grief throughout the world. Getting social support and being able to talk about what happened is important for almost all people who are grieving. Social support, in addition to relatives, can also be obtained in peer support groups.

Awareness and creativity Expressing your emotions in different ways can help you come to terms with loss. In addition to discussing feelings, mourning, describing, painting, dancing, or music can contribute to the experience of grief. The desire to be aware of difficult and frightening experiences can help recuperate.

Experiencing anger when grieving is common, but nonetheless, many people find it difficult to talk about it. It is necessary to talk about unkind thoughts and emotions or try to overcome them in any other way that seems to be the most preferable. If you try to deny any emotions that have arisen, they, most likely, can return for a long time after what happened or significantly slow down recovery.

Seeking help from a religion or worldview Being able to protect yourself with a worldview or religion can help restore hope for rebirth, trust in life and its meaning.

Physical activity Taking care of your physical well-being and vitality can reduce grief-related stress. Exercise, such as running or harvesting wood, can, among other things, increase the production of pleasure hormones, as well as distract from thoughts of grief. Adequate sleep and nutrition are extremely important for maintaining strength.

Observance of rituals Various rituals usually help to cope with grief. For example, in the event of death, participation in a funeral is important for many.

Seeking professional help If necessary, you should seek help from professionals, for example, the crisis service.

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Coping with Grief and Loss

Suicide grief: coping with a loved one’s suicide, coping with losing a pet, coping with a breakup or divorce, helping someone who’s grieving, excerpt: floating in the deep end by patti davis, coping with an alzheimer’s or dementia diagnosis.

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What is bereavement?

Understanding the grief of losing a loved one, grieving your loss, seek support, celebrate your loved one’s life, take care of yourself, when the pain of bereavement doesn’t ease up, what is complicated grief, finding professional help, bereavement: grieving the loss of a loved one.

Few things compare to the pain of losing someone you love. While there’s no way to avoid intense feelings of grief, there are healthier ways to come to terms with your loss.

Bereavement is the grief and mourning experience following the death of someone important to you. While it’s an inevitable part of life—something that virtually all of us go through at some point—losing someone you love can be one of the most painful experiences you’ll ever have to endure.

Whether it’s a close friend, spouse, partner, parent, child, or other relative, the death of a loved one can feel overwhelming. You may experience waves of intense and very difficult emotions, ranging from profound sadness, emptiness, and despair to shock, numbness, guilt, or regret. You might rage at the circumstances of your loved one’s death—your anger focused on yourself, doctors, other loved ones, or God. You may even find it difficult to accept the person is really gone, or struggle to see how you can ever recover and move on from your loss.

Bereavement isn’t limited to emotional responses, either. Grief at the death of a loved one can also trigger physical reactions, including weight and appetite changes, difficulty sleeping, aches and pains, and an impaired immune system leading to illness and other health problems.

The level of support you have around you, your personality, and your own levels of health and well-being can all play a role in how grief impacts you following bereavement. But no matter how much pain you’re in right now, it’s important to know that there are healthy ways to cope with the anguish and come to terms with your grief. While life may never be quite the same again, in time you can ease your sorrow, start to look to the future with hope and optimism, and eventually move forward with your life.

Grieving the loss of a pet

Bereavement isn’t restricted to the death of a person. For many of us, our pets are also close companions or family members. So, when a pet dies, you can experience similar feelings of grief, pain, and loss. As with grieving for human loved ones, healing from the loss of an animal companion takes time, but there are ways to cope with your grief.

Read: Coping with Losing a Pet .

The intensity of your feelings often depends on the circumstances of your loved one’s death, how much time you spent anticipating their loss, your relationship to them, and your previous experiences of bereavement. Of course, just as no two relationships are the same, no two losses are ever the same, either.

In short, the more significant the person was in your life and the more feelings you had for them—regardless of their relationship to you—the greater the impact their loss is likely to have.

Losing a spouse or partner

In addition to the emotional impact of grief, when you lose a spouse or romantic partner, you often have to deal with the stress of practical considerations such as funeral arrangements and financial issues , too. You may also have to explain your spouse’s death to your children and find a way to comfort them while simultaneously dealing with your own heartache.

Losing a romantic partner also means grieving the loss of your daily lifestyle, the loss of a shared history, and the loss of a future planned together. You may feel alone, despairing, and worried about the future. You could even feel guilty about somehow having failed to protect your partner, or angry at your loved one for leaving you.

Losing a parent

For younger children, losing a mother or father can be one of the most traumatic things that can happen in childhood. The death of the person you relied on, the person who loved you unconditionally, can shake your foundations and leave a huge, frightening void in your world. It’s also common for young children to blame themselves for a parent’s death, prolonging the pain of grief.

Even as an adult child, losing a parent can be extremely distressing. It’s easy to feel lost and for all those old childhood insecurities to suddenly return. You may gain some solace if your parent had a long and fulfilling life, but their death can also cause you to consider your own mortality. If you’ve lost both parents, you’re suddenly part of the older generation, a generation without parents, and you’re left to grieve your youth as well. And if your relationship with your parent wasn’t an easy one, their death can leave you wrestling with a host of conflicting emotions.

Losing a child

The loss of a child is always devastating. You’re not just losing the person they were, you’re also losing the years of promise, hopes, and dreams that lay ahead. The grief can be more intense, the bereavement process harder to navigate, and the trauma more acute .

As a parent, you feel responsible for your child’s health and safety, so the sense of guilt can often be overwhelming. Whether you lost your child in a miscarriage, as an infant, or after they’d grown up and left home, losing a child carries an additional weight of injustice. It feels unnatural for a parent to outlive their child, making it that much harder to find meaning and come to terms with their death.

Losing a child can also put a huge strain your relationship with your spouse or partner and make parenting any surviving children emotionally challenging.

Losing a friend

Close friendships bring joy, understanding, and companionship into our lives. In fact, they’re vital to our health and well-being, so it’s no wonder we can feel their loss so gravely.

When a close friend dies, though, it’s easy to feel marginalized, the closeness of your relationship not given the same significance as a family member or romantic partner. This can lead to what’s called disenfranchised grief , where your loss is devalued or you feel judged or stigmatized for feeling the loss so deeply.

Losing someone to suicide

The shock following a suicide can seem overwhelming. As well as mourning the loss of your loved one, you may also be struggling to come to terms with the nature of their death and the stigma that suicide can still carry.

While you may always be left with some unanswered questions about your loved one’s suicide, there are ways to resolve your grief and even gain some level of acceptance. Read: Suicide Grief.

Whatever your relationship to the person who died, it’s important to remember that we all grieve in different ways. There’s no single way to react. When you lose someone important in your life, it’s okay to feel how you feel. Some people express their pain by crying, others never shed a tear—but that doesn’t mean they feel the loss any less.

Don’t judge yourself, think that you should be behaving in a different way, or try to impose a timetable on your grief. Grieving someone’s death takes time. For some people, that time is measured in weeks or months, for others it’s in years.

Allow yourself to feel . The bereavement and mourning process can trigger many intense and unexpected emotions. But the pain of your grief won’t go away faster if you ignore it. In fact, trying to do so may only make things worse in the long run. To eventually find a way to come to terms with your loss, you’ll need to actively face the pain. As bereavement counselor and writer Earl Grollman put it, “The only cure for grief is to grieve.”

Grief doesn’t always move through stages . You may have read about the different “stages of grief” —usually denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, many people find that grief following the death of a loved one isn’t nearly that predictable. For some, grief can come in waves or feel more like an emotional rollercoaster. For others, it can move through some stages but not others. Don’t think that you should be feeling a certain way at a certain time.

[Read: Coping with Grief and Loss]

Prepare for painful reminders . Some days the pain of your bereavement may seem more manageable than others. Then a reminder such as a photo, a piece of music, or a simple memory can trigger a wave of painful emotions again. While you can’t plan ahead for such reminders, you can be prepared for an upcoming holiday, anniversary, or birthday that may reignite your grief. Talk to other friends and family ahead of time and agree on the best ways to mark such occasions.

Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one . Finding a way to continue forward with your life doesn’t mean your pain will end or your loved one will be forgotten. Most of us carry our losses with us throughout life; they become part of who we are. The pain should gradually become easier to bear, but the memories and the love you had for the person will always remain.

Speak to a Licensed Therapist

BetterHelp is an online therapy service that matches you to licensed, accredited therapists who can help with depression, anxiety, relationships, and more. Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in as little as 48 hours.

When you lose someone you love, it’s normal to want to cut yourself off from others and retreat into your shell. But this is no time to be alone. Even when you don’t feel able to talk about your loss, simply being around other people who care about you can provide comfort and help ease the burden of bereavement.

Reaching out to those who care about you can also be an important first step on the road to healing. While some friends and relatives may be uncomfortable with your grief, plenty of others will be eager to lend support. Talking about your thoughts and feelings won’t make you a burden. Rather, it can help you make sense of your loved one’s death and find ways to honor their memory.

Lean on friends and family . Even those closest to you can struggle to know how to help during a time of bereavement, so don’t hesitate to tell others what you need—whether it’s helping with funeral arrangements or just being around to talk. If you don’t feel you have anyone you can lean on for support at this difficult time, look to widen your social network and build new friendships .

Focus on those who are “good listeners” . When you’re grieving the loss of a close friend or family member, the most important thing is to feel heard by those you confide in. But the raw emotion of your grief can make some people very uncomfortable. That discomfort can cause them to avoid you, say thoughtless or hurtful things, or lose patience when you talk about your loss. Don’t use their actions as a reason to isolate, though. Turn to those who are better able to listen and provide comfort.

Join a bereavement support group . Even when you have support from those closest to you, family and friends may not always know the best ways to help. Sharing your grief with others who have experienced similar losses can help you feel less alone in your pain. By listening to others share their stories, you can also gain valuable coping tips. To find a support group in your area, contact nearby hospitals, funeral homes, or counseling centers, or call a bereavement hotline listed below.

Talk to a bereavement counselor . If you’re struggling to accept your loss or your grief feels overwhelming, try talking to a bereavement or grief therapist —in-person or via video conferencing online. Confiding in a professional can help you work through emotions that may be too difficult to share with family or friends, deal with any unresolved issues from your loved one’s death, and find healthier ways to adapt to life following your loss.

[Read: Online Therapy: Is it Right for You?]

Draw comfort from your religion . If you’re religious, the specific mourning rituals of your faith can provide comfort and draw you together with others to share your grief. Attending religious services, reading spiritual texts, praying, meditating, or talking to a clergy member can also offer great comfort and help you derive meaning from your loved one’s death.

Using social media for grief support

Memorial pages on Facebook and other social media sites have become popular ways to inform a wide audience of a loved one’s passing and to find support. As well as allowing you to impart practical information, such as funeral plans, these pages allow friends and loved ones to post their own tributes or condolences. Reading such messages can often provide comfort for those grieving the loss.

Of course, posting sensitive content on social media has its risks. Memorial pages are often open to anyone. This may encourage people who hardly knew the deceased to post well-meaning but inappropriate comments or advice. Worse, memorial pages can also attract Internet trolls. There have been many well-publicized cases of strangers posting cruel or abusive messages on memorial pages.

[Read: Social Media and Mental Health]

To gain some protection on Facebook, for example, you can opt to create a closed group rather than a public page. This means people have to be approved by a group member before they can access the memorial. It’s also important to remember that while social media can be a useful tool for reaching out to others, it can’t replace the face-to-face support you need at this time.

Rituals such as a funeral or memorial service can fulfill important functions, allowing you to acknowledge and reflect on the person’s passing, remember their life, and say goodbye. In the period after a funeral, however, your grief can often become even more intense. Often, other people may appear to have moved on, while you’re left struggling to make sense of your “new normal”.

Remembering your loved one doesn’t have to end with the funeral, though. Finding ways of celebrating the person you loved can help maintain their memory and provide comfort as you move through the grieving process.

Keep a journal or write a letter to your loved one . Saying the things you never got to say to your loved one in life can provide an important emotional release and help you make sense of what you’re feeling.

Create a memorial . Building a memorial to your loved one, creating a website or blog, or compiling a photo album or scrapbook to highlight the love you shared can help promote healing. Planting flowers or a tree in your loved one’s memory can be particularly rewarding, allowing you to watch something grow and flourish as you tend to it.

Build a legacy . Starting a campaign or fundraiser in your loved one’s name, volunteering for a cause that was important to them, or donating to a charity they supported, for example, can help you find meaning in their loss. It can also add a sense of purpose as you move forward with your own life.

Continue to do things you used to do together . Perhaps you used to go to sports events with your loved one, listen to music, or take long walks together? There’s comfort in routine, so when it’s not too painful, continuing to do these things can be a way to mark your loved one’s life.

Remember your loved one in simple ways . Even simple acts such as lighting a candle, visiting a favorite place, or marking an important date can help the healing process.

When you’re grieving the death of a loved one, it’s easy to neglect your own health and welfare. But the stress, trauma, and intense emotions you’re dealing with at the moment can impact your immune system, affect your diet and sleep, and take a heavy toll on your overall mental and physical health.

Neglecting your well-being may even prolong the grieving process and make you more susceptible to depression or complicated grief. You’ll also find it harder to provide comfort to children or other vulnerable family members who are also grieving. However, there are simple steps you can take to nurture your health at this time.

Manage stress . It’s probably the last thing you feel like doing at the moment, but exercising is a powerful antidote to stress—and can help you sleep better at night. Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and yoga are also effective ways to ease anguish and worry.

Spend time in nature . Immersing yourself in nature and spending time in green spaces can be a calming, soothing experience when you’re grieving. Try gardening, hiking, or walking in a park or woodland.

Pursue interests that enrich your life . Hobbies, sports, and other interests that add meaning and purpose to your life can bring a comforting routine back to your life following the upheaval of bereavement. They can also help connect you with others and nurture your spirit.

Eat and sleep well . Eating a healthy diet and getting enough rest at night can have a huge impact on your ability to cope with grief. If you’re struggling to sleep at this difficult time, there are supplements and sleep aids that may be able to help—just try not to rely on them for too long.

Avoid using alcohol or drugs to cope . While it’s tempting to use substances to help numb your grief and self-medicate your pain, in the long run excessive alcohol and drug use will only hamper your ability to grieve. Try using HelpGuide’s free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit as a healthier way to manage your emotions.

You may never truly get over the death of someone you love. But as time passes, it’s normal for difficult emotions such as sadness or anger to gradually ease as you begin to accept your loss and move forward with your life.

However, if you aren’t feeling better over time, or your pain is getting worse, it may be a sign that your grief has developed into a more serious problem, such as complicated grief or major depression.

Grief vs. depression

Distinguishing between grief and depression isn’t always easy as they share many symptoms, but there are ways to tell the difference:

• Grief can be a roller coaster. It involves a wide variety of emotions and a mix of good and bad days. Even when you’re in the middle of the grieving process, you will still have moments of pleasure or happiness.
• With depression , on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant.

[Read: Depression Symptoms and Warning Signs]

Other symptoms that suggest depression, not just grief, include:

• Intense, pervasive sense of guilt.
• Thoughts of suicide or a preoccupation with dying.
• Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness.
• Slow speech and body movements.
• Inability to function at home, work, or school.
• Seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.

While the sadness of losing someone you love never goes away completely, it shouldn’t remain center stage. If the pain of the loss is so constant and severe that it keeps you from resuming your life, you may be suffering from a condition known as complicated grief or persistent complex bereavement disorder .

Complicated grief is like being stuck in an intense state of mourning. You may have trouble accepting the death long after it has occurred or be so preoccupied with the person who died that it disrupts your daily routine and undermines your other relationships.

Symptoms of complicated grief include:

• Intense longing and yearning for your deceased loved one.
• Intrusive thoughts or images of the person.
• Denial of the death or sense of disbelief.
• Imagining that your loved one is alive.
• Searching for the deceased in familiar places.
• Avoiding things that remind you of your loved one.
• Extreme anger or bitterness over your loss.
• Feeling that life is empty or meaningless.

Complicated grief and trauma

If your loved one’s death was sudden, violent, or otherwise extremely stressful or disturbing, complicated grief can manifest as psychological trauma or PTSD.

Being traumatized from the loss of a loved one can leave you feeling helpless and struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. But with the right guidance, you can make healing changes and move on with your life.

If you’re experiencing symptoms of complicated grief, trauma, or clinical depression, talk to a mental health professional right away. Left untreated, these conditions can lead to significant emotional damage, life-threatening health problems, and even suicide. But treatment can help you get better.

[Read: Finding a Therapist Who can Help You Heal]

Contact a bereavement counselor or therapist if you:

• Feel like life isn’t worth living.
• Wish you had died with your loved one.
• Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it.
• Feel numb and disconnected for more than a few weeks.
• Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss.
• Are unable to perform your normal daily activities.

Crisis Call Center  at 775-784-8090

Cruse Bereavement Care  at 0808 808 1677

GriefLine  at (03) 9935 7400

Other support

Find a GriefShare group meeting near you  – Worldwide directory of support groups for people grieving the death of a family member or friend. (GriefShare)

Find Support  – Directory of programs and support groups in the U.S. for children experiencing grief and loss. (National Alliance for Grieving Children)

Chapter Locator  for finding help for grieving the loss of a child in the U.S. and  International Support  for finding help in other countries. (The Compassionate Friends)

If you're feeling suicidal…

Seek help immediately. Please read  Suicide Help , talk to someone you trust, or call a suicide helpline:

• In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255.
• In the UK, call 08457 90 90 90.
• In Australia, call 13 11 14.
• Or visit  IASP  to find a helpline in your country.

More Information

• Grief and Loss - A guide to preparing for and mourning the death of a loved one. (Harvard Medical School Special Health Report)
• Death and Grief - Article for teens on how to cope with grief and loss. (TeensHealth)
• Grief: Coping with Reminders after a Loss - Tips for coping with the grief that can resurface even years after you’ve lost a loved one. (Mayo Clinic)
• Life after Loss: Dealing with Grief - Guide to coping with grief and loss. (University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center)
• Bereavement - Symptoms, causes, and treatment. (Psychology Today)
• Bereavement and Grief - Mourning the loss of a loved one. (Mental Health America)
• Understanding Grief - Articles to help you cope with the grieving process. (Cruse Bereavement Care)
• Depressive Disorders. (2013). In Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders . American Psychiatric Association. Link
• Zisook, S., & Shear, K. (2009). Grief and bereavement: What psychiatrists need to know. World Psychiatry, 8 (2), 67–74. Link
• Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Stroebe, W. (2007). Health outcomes of bereavement. The Lancet, 370 (9603), 1960–1973. Link
• Simon, N. M., Wall, M. M., Keshaviah, A., Dryman, M. T., LeBlanc, N. J., & Shear, M. K. (2011). Informing the symptom profile of complicated grief. Depression and Anxiety, 28 (2), 118–126. Link
• Simon, N. M. (2013). Treating Complicated Grief. JAMA, 310 (4), 416–423. Link
• Corr, C. A. (1999). Enhancing the Concept of Disenfranchised Grief. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 38 (1), 1–20. Link
• Johansson, A. K., & Grimby, A. (2012). Anticipatory grief among close relatives of patients in hospice and palliative wards. The American Journal of Hospice & Palliative Care, 29 (2), 134–138. Link

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• Death And Dying

8 Popular Essays About Death, Grief & the Afterlife

Updated 05/4/2022

Published 07/19/2021

Joe Oliveto, BA in English

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

Death is a strange topic for many reasons, one of which is the simple fact that different people can have vastly different opinions about discussing it.

Jump ahead to these sections: 

Essays or articles about the death of a loved one, essays or articles about dealing with grief, essays or articles about the afterlife or near-death experiences.

Some fear death so greatly they don’t want to talk about it at all. However, because death is a universal human experience, there are also those who believe firmly in addressing it directly. This may be more common now than ever before due to the rise of the death positive movement and mindset.

You might believe there’s something to be gained from talking and learning about death. If so, reading essays about death, grief, and even near-death experiences can potentially help you begin addressing your own death anxiety. This list of essays and articles is a good place to start. The essays here cover losing a loved one, dealing with grief, near-death experiences, and even what someone goes through when they know they’re dying.

Losing a close loved one is never an easy experience. However, these essays on the topic can help someone find some meaning or peace in their grief.

1. ‘I’m Sorry I Didn’t Respond to Your Email, My Husband Coughed to Death Two Years Ago’ by Rachel Ward

Rachel Ward’s essay about coping with the death of her husband isn’t like many essays about death. It’s very informal, packed with sarcastic humor, and uses an FAQ format. However, it earns a spot on this list due to the powerful way it describes the process of slowly finding joy in life again after losing a close loved one.

Ward’s experience is also interesting because in the years after her husband’s death, many new people came into her life unaware that she was a widow. Thus, she often had to tell these new people a story that’s painful but unavoidable. This is a common aspect of losing a loved one that not many discussions address.

2. ‘Everything I know about a good death I learned from my cat’ by Elizabeth Lopatto

Not all great essays about death need to be about human deaths! In this essay, author Elizabeth Lopatto explains how watching her beloved cat slowly die of leukemia and coordinating with her vet throughout the process helped her better understand what a “good death” looks like.

For instance, she explains how her vet provided a degree of treatment but never gave her false hope (for instance, by claiming her cat was going to beat her illness). They also worked together to make sure her cat was as comfortable as possible during the last stages of her life instead of prolonging her suffering with unnecessary treatments.

Lopatto compares this to the experiences of many people near death. Sometimes they struggle with knowing how to accept death because well-meaning doctors have given them the impression that more treatments may prolong or even save their lives, when the likelihood of them being effective is slimmer than patients may realize.

Instead, Lopatto argues that it’s important for loved ones and doctors to have honest and open conversations about death when someone’s passing is likely near. This can make it easier to prioritize their final wishes instead of filling their last days with hospital visits, uncomfortable treatments, and limited opportunities to enjoy themselves.

3. ‘The terrorist inside my husband’s brain’ by Susan Schneider Williams

This article, which Susan Schneider Williams wrote after the death of her husband Robin Willians, covers many of the topics that numerous essays about the death of a loved one cover, such as coping with life when you no longer have support from someone who offered so much of it. 

However, it discusses living with someone coping with a difficult illness that you don’t fully understand, as well. The article also explains that the best way to honor loved ones who pass away after a long struggle is to work towards better understanding the illnesses that affected them. 

4. ‘Before I Go’ by Paul Kalanithi

“Before I Go” is a unique essay in that it’s about the death of a loved one, written by the dying loved one. Its author, Paul Kalanithi, writes about how a terminal cancer diagnosis has changed the meaning of time for him.

Kalanithi describes believing he will die when his daughter is so young that she will likely never have any memories of him. As such, each new day brings mixed feelings. On the one hand, each day gives him a new opportunity to see his daughter grow, which brings him joy. On the other hand, he must struggle with knowing that every new day brings him closer to the day when he’ll have to leave her life.

Coping with grief can be immensely challenging. That said, as the stories in these essays illustrate, it is possible to manage grief in a positive and optimistic way.

5. Untitled by Sheryl Sandberg

This piece by Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook’s current CEO, isn’t a traditional essay or article. It’s actually a long Facebook post. However, many find it’s one of the best essays about death and grief anyone has published in recent years.

She posted it on the last day of sheloshim for her husband, a period of 30 days involving intense mourning in Judaism. In the post, Sandberg describes in very honest terms how much she learned from those 30 days of mourning, admitting that she sometimes still experiences hopelessness, but has resolved to move forward in life productively and with dignity.

She explains how she wanted her life to be “Option A,” the one she had planned with her husband. However, because that’s no longer an option, she’s decided the best way to honor her husband’s memory is to do her absolute best with “Option B.”

This metaphor actually became the title of her next book. Option B , which Sandberg co-authored with Adam Grant, a psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, is already one of the most beloved books about death , grief, and being resilient in the face of major life changes. It may strongly appeal to anyone who also appreciates essays about death as well.

6. ‘My Own Life’ by Oliver Sacks

Grief doesn’t merely involve grieving those we’ve lost. It can take the form of the grief someone feels when they know they’re going to die.

Renowned physician and author Oliver Sacks learned he had terminal cancer in 2015. In this essay, he openly admits that he fears his death. However, he also describes how knowing he is going to die soon provides a sense of clarity about what matters most. Instead of wallowing in his grief and fear, he writes about planning to make the very most of the limited time he still has.

Belief in (or at least hope for) an afterlife has been common throughout humanity for decades. Additionally, some people who have been clinically dead report actually having gone to the afterlife and experiencing it themselves.

Whether you want the comfort that comes from learning that the afterlife may indeed exist, or you simply find the topic of near-death experiences interesting, these are a couple of short articles worth checking out.

7. ‘My Experience in a Coma’ by Eben Alexander

“My Experience in a Coma” is a shortened version of the narrative Dr. Eben Alexander shared in his book, Proof of Heaven . Alexander’s near-death experience is unique, as he’s a medical doctor who believes that his experience is (as the name of his book suggests) proof that an afterlife exists. He explains how at the time he had this experience, he was clinically braindead, and therefore should not have been able to consciously experience anything.

Alexander describes the afterlife in much the same way many others who’ve had near-death experiences describe it. He describes starting out in an “unresponsive realm” before a spinning white light that brought with it a musical melody transported him to a valley of abundant plant life, crystal pools, and angelic choirs. He states he continued to move from one realm to another, each realm higher than the last, before reaching the realm where the infinite love of God (which he says is not the “god” of any particular religion) overwhelmed him.

8. “One Man's Tale of Dying—And Then Waking Up” by Paul Perry

The author of this essay recounts what he considers to be one of the strongest near-death experience stories he’s heard out of the many he’s researched and written about over the years. The story involves Dr. Rajiv Parti, who claims his near-death experience changed his views on life dramatically.

Parti was highly materialistic before his near-death experience. During it, he claims to have been given a new perspective, realizing that life is about more than what his wealth can purchase. He returned from the experience with a permanently changed outlook.

This is common among those who claim to have had near-death experiences. Often, these experiences leave them kinder, more understanding, more spiritual, and less materialistic.

This short article is a basic introduction to Parti’s story. He describes it himself in greater detail in the book Dying to Wake Up , which he co-wrote with Paul Perry, the author of the article.

Essays About Death: Discussing a Difficult Topic

It’s completely natural and understandable to have reservations about discussing death. However, because death is unavoidable, talking about it and reading essays and books about death instead of avoiding the topic altogether is something that benefits many people. Sometimes, the only way to cope with something frightening is to address it.

Categories:

• Coping With Grief

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Reflections on the Death of a Loved One

Table of contents, introduction, the shock and sorrow: initial reactions to the death of a loved one, the process of grief: navigating life after loss, life lessons from death: a new perspective, works cited.

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Loss of a Beloved

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Published: Mar 25, 2024

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Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection Essay

Terminal illness, end of life issue.

While dying is part of human life that surrounds each person, some encounters with death are more influential than others. My mother’s passing was an experience that impacted my view of life and end of life care the most. She died before her 60th birthday – her terminal illness was discovered very late, and she passed away less than a year after receiving the diagnosis. Such a rapid change in my life left a mark on my memory and reshaped my view of life and death.

It was difficult for me to come to terms with her death – the period between the diagnosis and her passing was too short. I was in denial for a long time and had trouble accepting what had happened. Looking back at this time, I see how the end of life is not always expected, and why the children of terminally ill loved ones require the attention of medical professionals as well.

End of life care for my mother took a toll on me, and I had to reevaluate my aspirations to see whether I treated life as an endless path. Now, I reflect on the feelings I had in order to remind myself that the end of life cannot be fully preplanned and that each case is unique in its own way. Moreover, I try to remember that one’s existence is finite. In some cases, the best solution is to provide as much comfort to someone and make sure they are making choices to the best of their ability and knowledge to have a happy and dignified time.

I also considered how my mother might have felt at the moment of diagnosis and during her last year. It is incredibly challenging for one to understand what knowing that you will die soon means. Such clarity is not always desired, but I believe that it is vital for people to know about their current condition because it affects their decision-making in healthcare and life, in general. Death is a part of each human’s life, but every step toward it does not feel final because it can come at any moment.

Knowing one’s diagnosis changes the way people and their loved ones think. Although I can only imagine what my mother felt, I understand what the families of terminally ill persons are going through.

If I were diagnosed with a terminal illness and were given a prognosis of six months or less to live, I would try to accept it in good faith before making decisions. Death is inevitable, but it is impossible to be fully prepared for it, even when you think that you are. So, I would look into myself to search for peace with this news in order to take advantage of the time that I have left.

I would feel sad because I would not see my loved ones and miss them dearly. Thus, my priorities for what should be done would change. I would try to see my family and friends as much as I could and spend time with them, making memories for them and myself. I would like to leave some mementoes behind and focus on the good times that we would have together. Planning for several months ahead is difficult when the exact date of death is unknown, so I would do my best to make the most of each day.

However, it is also vital to think about one’s inner comfort and peace. Coming to terms with my passing would be critical to me – it provides some type of closure and allows me to let go of worries related to everyday life. People may cover their fear of dying with activities and concentration on planning and socialization. In doing so, they may overlook their own satisfaction with life, denying themselves a chance to reflect. As such, I would spend some time searching for some last unanswered questions and unachieved goals that could be completed in the short span of time that I would have.

Finally, I would concentrate on my present and my loved ones’ future. I always strive to remember that life is endless in a way that it continues for other people. Although I will eventually die, some of my friends and my family members will continue living long after I am gone, facing problems and challenges that are inherent to humanity.

Thus, I would try to make plans to alleviate some of these issues. Most importantly, I would organize the provision for my child to finance the education – one of the most necessary, but expensive, parts of one’s coming to adulthood. If possible, I would review our housing options, savings, family and friends support network, and address other household and healthcare concerns.

Doctors and nurses in end-of-life care carry a significant burden in working with patients and families dealing with ethical and moral dilemmas. Some of these issues are also regulated legally, although the lines of what is legal or not are much less clear than in other cases. For me, one of the moral dilemmas that I had struggled with was the patients’ and relatives’ differing views on treatment planning. In some situations, the client’s family members may not pursue the same goals as the person under care. These aims can be guided by religious or personal views on health and death. Others can be motivated by financial problems, strained relationships, emotional health, and a multitude of other reasons.

For example, in a hospital, a family may not want the patient to know the diagnosis as it could scare or sadden them. In this scenario, I turn to the some of the medical principles as the basis for my value system. I would highlight the importance of fidelity – people have the right to known about their prognosis and diagnosis (Karnik & Kanekar, 2016). I think that truthfulness is a necessary part of end-of-life care and support, even though telling someone their diagnosis is difficult.

In some situations, children want to keep their parent alive as long as possible and request all possible procedures, while the client denies care and seeks comfort to spend the last days with dignity. Here, the principle of autonomy would guide my practice – people reserve the right to make decisions to the extent of their capacity (De Panfilis et al., 2019).

Moreover, it is vital to remember that rigorous treatment does not equal beneficence in all scenarios. I try to approach each case individually and acknowledge that every person has the right to control a part of their destiny through healthcare or outreach for support, and the duty of caring professionals is to inform our clients of all the choices they can make and what outcomes they can expect. In the end, medical science advances continuously, but death remains an unchanging aspect that requires person-centered thinking.

De Panfilis, L., Di Leo, S., Peruselli, C., Ghirotto, L., & Tanzi, S. (2019). “I go into crisis when…”: Ethics of care and moral dilemmas in palliative care. BMC Palliative Care , 18 (70), 1-8. Web.

Karnik, S., & Kanekar, A. (2016). Ethical issues surrounding end-of-life care: A narrative review . Healthcare, 4 (24), 1-6. Web.

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IvyPanda. (2022, September 19). Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/

"Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection." IvyPanda , 19 Sept. 2022, ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/.

IvyPanda . (2022) 'Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection'. 19 September.

IvyPanda . 2022. "Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection." September 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/.

1. IvyPanda . "Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection." September 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/.

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IvyPanda . "Death, Dying, and Bereavement: Reflection." September 19, 2022. https://ivypanda.com/essays/death-dying-and-bereavement-reflection/.

Loss in the pandemic: when a loved one dies, being cut off from the grieving process can make things harder

Senior Lecturer in Psychology. Clinical Psychologist, Victoria University

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COVID-19 has affected many facets of our lives. Public health measures to stop the spread of the virus have impacted the way we work, connect with others and socialise.

The pandemic has changed the way we’ve been able to celebrate milestones in our lives, and, importantly, the way we’ve been able to grieve losses.

Border restrictions, both domestic and international, have meant some people have been unable to travel interstate or overseas to be with loved ones at the end of their lives, or to attend their funeral.

Others may have been able to be at the funeral, but the way it was conducted might have been different, whether remotely or with limited mourners.

Further, people with loved ones in hospital or aged care at the end of life may have not been able to visit as much as they wanted to, or at all.

I’ve seen both patients in my work as a psychologist and people in my personal life who have been affected in these ways.

As well as making the experience of losing a close friend or family member harder than it already is, not being able to be with loved ones or attend the funeral can make it more difficult for people to deal with and adapt to their loss. This can take a toll on their mental health.

Read more: Different faiths, same pain: How to grieve a death in the coronavirus pandemic

What is grief?

Grief is an adjustment to a loss, usually in response to the death of a loved one .

When grief is acute, a person is likely to experience a range of intense emotions such as sadness, despair and helplessness. They will also be preoccupied with thoughts and memories of their deceased loved one.

In most cultures, the grieving process is facilitated by rituals that enable the bereaved person to connect with their lost loved one. These include being with the person at end of life moments, planning and attending the funeral, and talking to and being with others who were also close to the person.

These rituals help people to experience and manage challenging emotions, understand and accept their grief, and establish a connection to their memories of the lost person.

With time, most people come to accept their loss, and adapt to the reality of their life without the person.

What if you can’t be part of this process in person?

When someone experiences the death of a loved one and is unable to be with them or attend the funeral, this can compromise their ability to grieve or process their loss .

When this happens, the bereaved person may experience :

frequent and ongoing intrusive thoughts of the person who has died

preoccupation with sorrow

excessive anger or bitterness

disconnection from social relationships

difficulty accepting the death

thoughts of hopelessness and helplessness.

These feelings may persist and have a significant impact on the person’s day-to-day functioning.

Read more: Patients with COVID-19 shouldn't have to die alone. Here's how a loved one could be there at the end

What can help in these situations?

There are a number of things you can do when the pandemic or other circumstances limit opportunities to participate in traditional grieving rituals in person.

1. Get in touch with the memories of the person you have lost

Take the time to think about memories of the person (both good and bad). Look at photos, videos and other materials you have that help you remember them.

You could even create a space dedicated to the person where you put pictures or other sentimental objects. This could be in your home or another place of significance.

2. If possible, attend the funeral virtually

While many of us are tired of online meetings, a virtual funeral is likely to be more helpful than not attending at all .

If you do this, try to have others around you when you watch it who can offer support.

3. Connect with others who also knew the person

Talk about memories of the person. Again, you might need to do this virtually, but being with others who are going through a similar experience can help you accept the loss.

4. Normalise and accept the frustration of not being able to be there

You will likely feel intense emotions like frustration or anger about not being able to be with your loved one to say goodbye, or with other loved ones who are also grieving the loss.

You are best served by accepting these feelings as normal and inevitable. This can help to minimise the degree to which they get in the way of the pain of your loss.

5. Prioritise self-care

During these times, self-care is particularly important. This includes things like maintaining good sleep, nutrition, social connectedness, exercise and avoiding risky substance use.

6. Access professional help if you need to

Intense emotions are a normal part of grief and in most cases, they pass with time. But if these feelings are persisting and you feel you’re not coping, professional support can be helpful .

One option would be grief therapy with a psychologist. Grief therapy involves helping the bereaved person accept and cope with the loss while simultaneously assisting them to adapt to life without their loved one.

Read more: Is your mental health deteriorating during the coronavirus pandemic? Here's what to look out for

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Blog > Common App , Essay Advice > Should You Write Your College Essay About Losing a Loved One?

Should You Write Your College Essay About Losing a Loved One?

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Alex McNeil, MA Admissions Consultant

Key Takeaway

Losing a loved one, especially in high school, can upend how you view the world.

It’s only natural that you’d want to write your Common Application personal statement about it.

Writing about death is always difficult, and it is especially difficult in a college application essay. It can take twice the time and effort to craft a personal statement about so emotional a topic.

Since it’s a more challenging topic, you should be sure that writing about the death of a loved one is the right choice for you.

While some advice may say otherwise, writing about traumatic experiences does not increase your chances of admission, so don’t feel forced to write about the death of a loved one just because you think that’s what admissions offices want to see.

You should write about your loss if it’s the topic that will allow you to tell your most authentic story.

So before you begin writing, consider a few critical questions to determine whether (and how) you should write your college essay about losing a loved one.

Questions to ask yourself before writing your college essay about death

As much as admissions officers are humans who care about your wellbeing, they also have criteria with which they must evaluate your personal statement. While they will empathize with your grief, at the end of the day, your essay still needs to hold its own against thousands of others.

Sometimes essays about death can do just that, poignantly and with heart. But other times, students aren’t ready. And that’s okay too.

Ask yourself the following questions and think honestly about your answers.

1. Are you really ready to think, write, and revise critically?

Grief can muddle your ideas into incomprehensible gray blobs. Your heightened sensitivity may also make the critical revision process exhausting.

But your college essay still has to shine with clarity and coherence .

It’s important that you ask yourself if you’re ready to do the detailed writing and editing that is required of personal statements.

2. Can you find a respectful balance that allows you to center yourself?

Students most frequently make the mistake of writing essays that center the person who has passed rather than themselves.

While a tribute to your loved one is a beautiful thing, your college essay has a major job to do. It needs to tell admissions officers about you.

For whatever reason, if you can’t bring the focus to yourself, you might consider writing about another topic.

3. Will you be able to process before and while writing? And if it’s not that hard to process, should you consider a different topic?

Writing is a powerful way to process tragedy. The very act can help you heal and find new direction. But the process can be intimate, and you may not want to share the information with strangers.

Your college essay also requires you to go beyond reflection to craft a thoughtful and organized essay.

So be sure that you’ve reached a point in your journey where you feel comfortable working through and writing about difficult emotions.

Alternatively, some students write about losing people who they weren’t close to and whose deaths didn’t significantly impact them. They do this solely because they think that writing about trauma helps you get into college, but it doesn’t. If you find that writing about your loss does not actually have a profound effect on your emotions, then there is likely a different essay topic awaiting you.

4. What should you do if you’ve decided you’re not ready to write your college essay about losing a loved one but still want the admissions committee to know?

You could consider how your story fits into any supplemental essays you’re writing. Or you can use the Common Application “Additional Information” section. Feel free to include whatever context you are comfortable sharing. This section can be a simple explanation and does not need to follow a specific format.

How you can write a college essay about losing a loved one

If you’ve decided that writing your college essay about losing a loved one is the right choice for you, then we have a few tips.

1. Determine what this topic should reveal about you to the admissions committee.

Begin your writing process by asking yourself what you want the admissions committee to learn about you from this story of loss.

2. Pinpoint specific examples, details, memories, or vignettes.

Root your narrative in specifics rather than generalities about you and your loved one to show, not tell your admissions officers why they were important to you.

3. End on a note of hope, resilience, or forward movement.

The reality is that even with a sad topic, you want your admissions officers to leave your essay thinking about you in a positive way so that they can picture you being an active member of their campus. Your personal statement should therefore conclude on some kind of hopeful or resilient note.

Be gracious about your limits. Write about your loss only if you feel ready and if you truly believe that it’s the story you need to tell admissions committees.

If you do choose to write your college essay about losing a loved one, then you should start early and leave plenty of extra time for writing and revision. What you’ve been through is surely difficult, so be gentle on yourself as you write and revise.

You can find more about writing your personal statement on our How to Write a College Essay post.

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7 Memoirs About Losing a Loved One

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These books and memoirs about losing a loved one helped me to laugh and cry through my grief. I hope they will help you, too.

When my partner died of cancer, a fellow widower brought me a book that helped him through his acute grief. He offered it in the hopes that it might help me, and it did help. Very much.

It is important to note that every person grieves differently. While these books and memoirs about losing a loved one helped me, they may not help you or your loved one who is experiencing grief.

RELATED POST

10 Books to Change Your Life

I am listing these books in the chronological order of how I read them and providing a bit of context into my own grieving process. I hope this will help you choose which book to read and, most importantly, when to read it.

When “Option A” is not an option

The book that thoughtful widower handed to me was “ Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, And Finding Joy .” I read the book one month after my partner died while on a plane ride across the Atlantic. I was leaving one life and starting a new one.

In this book (which is only part memoir) Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, shares how she grieved after her husband died suddenly while on a family vacation.

A data person through and through, Sandberg teams up with psychologist and academic Adam Grant to share the stories of people who found joy again after experiencing grief, and to analyze the grief process itself.

The title of the book comes from a moment when Sandberg cried to a friend about wanting comfort from her husband. The friend replied, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of Option B.”

Read my post on finally accepting Option B and seeking joy

“Option B” helped me because, at the time, I needed permission to experience joy again. I also needed the validation that changing my life entirely was my way of finding some meaning in Jeff’s death. Option B gave me that permission and that validation.

A memoir about losing a loved one and examining the process of mourning

The process of grief was my focus for a while. So the next book I picked up was “ The Year of Magical Thinking ” by award-winning writer Joan Didion who relives the year after her husband’s sudden death. It’s a year in which she is also caring for a seriously ill daughter.

In the book, Didion attempts to make sense of the nonsensical. She is clinical in her examination of the mourning process, and that was fascinating for me as I prodded and poked at my own grief like a tongue exploring a chipped tooth.

A memoir about losing a loved one that will make you belly laugh

This book is purposefully irreverent because that is the way that author and comedian Laurie Kilmartin grieved. We all grieve differently, and the irreverence here might be uncomfortable for you.

But of all the memoirs about losing a loved one that I read, this one made me belly laugh when I needed it most.

In fact, as I read “ Dead People Suck: A Guide for Survivors of the Newly Departed ” two months after my partner died, the sound of my own laughter startled me. It had been that long since I had heard it. Also, there is dark humor surrounding death, and Kilmartin is simply brave enough to say it out loud.

She wisely notes, though, that while she can joke about her dead dad…nobody else can.

What to Say When Someone Dies

A memoir about losing a loved one from the perspective of the dying

I read “ When Breath Becomes Air ” while holed up in a tiny bungalow in northern Thailand. It was a remote place where I could meditate, read, and cry without interruption. It was eight months after Jeff’s death, and, for me, it was the perfect time to pick up this book written by a doctor dying of lung cancer.

A loving husband and brilliant neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi writes with heartbreaking honesty while his pragmatic, scientific brain wrestles with his hopeful heart. He brings us along as he and his wife choose to bring a child into a world that they know he may soon be departing.

This book gave me a look into how my partner may have felt as he looked around the room in those final days. As he assessed his life, did he consider it a life well lived?

I read this memoir about losing a loved one as I surfaced from my loss and started to reflect on my partner and his legacy. And it helped me make a decision about my own family plans – although I opted to take a different route than that of the Kalanithis.

“When Breath Becomes Air” was published posthumously with the moving ending written by the author’s wife and fellow doctor, Lucy Kalanithi.

A Memoir of living and dying

I was so moved by the perspective of facing death from the person doing the dying that I searched for a similar book.

The reviews of “ Bright Hour: A Memoir of Living and Dying ” read like a sequel of sorts to “When Breath Becomes Air,” and I found it to be another painfully honest account of extracting every bit of joy from a life that is limited by terminal illness.

This perspective is so honest because author Nina Riggs, like doctor Paul Kalanithi, doesn’t have time to sugarcoat her writing. She cannot hide from the truth. She is writing against time and with an urgent desire to explore the depths of herself before she dies.

In a seriously beautiful continuation of the conversation about life and death started by both Paul Kalanithi (“When Breath Becomes Air”) and Nina Riggs, the two memoirs brought their spouses together. For a time Lucy Kalanithi (widow of Paul) and John Duberstein (widower of Nina) were a couple weathering their grief together. Here are Duberstein’s thoughts on finding love after loss .

A Story About Finding Love After Loss

A memoir about friendship in the darkest of times

I wrote a post recently about how to comfort someone who has lost a loved one . In it, I wrote that there is only one single piece of universal advice to give here, and that is to show up for that person.

It may be the memoir “ My Glory Was I Had Such Friends ” by Amy Silverstein, that first gave me that idea. In “My Glory,” we witness what it means to show up in the most beautiful of ways. In fact, the fact that these friends show up in such a strong way may just be the reason why this book doesn’t cleanly fit into the category of memoirs about losing a loved one. Because this group of friends may just save Silverstein’s life.

The premise of this book is that of a family facing the possibility of death as Silverstein waits for a heart transplant that may never come. But the meat of this book is about friendship.

Silverstein’s friends rally around her, putting their own lives on hold and holding her up with single-minded sheer will.

I read this about a year and a half after my loss, and it helped me remember some of the support that I received when I needed it most. In doing so, I was forced to revisit memories that I avoided – changing feeding tubes or taking breaks from a hospital vigil for instance – but I was ready to see the beauty in those memories – something that I just couldn’t take in previously.

I’m lucky, like Silverstein, to have glorious friends, and I’m grateful to this book for reminding me of that.

A memoir about transformation

This memoir by Glennon Doyle does not fit cleanly into the category of memoirs about losing a loved one. Rather Untamed is about a woman allowing herself to be truly herself. Doyle writes about how she uncages herself from the expectations of society and of her readers and, in doing so, finds her soulmate.

I read this two years into my grieving process and two years after I left my own conventional life for a nontraditional nomadic life of travel . It spoke to me for many different reasons, but I especially liked how Doyle speaks of grief as a transformation.

I hope these books will help you if you are grieving, or if you are looking to give the gift of a book as a way to comfort your loved one who is experiencing grief.

Independent booksellers are hurting due to the pandemic and due to competition from behemoth online stores like Amazon. Please consider supporting local bookstores by using Bookshop, a B-Corp that gives away 75 percent of profits to independent stores, publications, authors, bloggers, and others in the book-loving community.

About the Author

Hi! I’m Jen!

I’m a freelance writer and travel blogger who quit my nine-to-five after my fiancé, Jeff, died of cancer at the age of 40. When he died, I realized that life is just too short to delay our dreams. Since my dream was to travel and write, I now travel and write full-time. Today I wear hiking boots instead of heels and collect experiences instead of things.

related posts

Resources on grieving beyond these memoirs about losing a loved one:, resources for grieving.

Grief Works : An app to guide you through your grief

Hot Young Widows Club : Stories of love & loss on Instagram; also a book

Modern Loss: Essays & resources to navigate life after death

Good Mourning Podcast : Authentic conversations about loss

Soaring Spirits : Peer-based support programs for widowed men & women

Subscribe to my newsletter for tips on grief & post-traumatic growth

What books have you read that helped you while grieving? Comment below!

Hello Jen… I came upon your writings by chance, well not really as my wife has lung cancer. These past 5 years has been a gift but god and science has not prevailed the way we hoped. She has 6 mo to a year, her spirit is stoic, me- I fall apart a lot. I know that living will go on but for now I tend to live in the present. It’s soo hard grieving for so long. Love you all…

Sending so much love your way, Jeff. So much love.

Thank. Going through recommended book has help. I need these books. Thank you again.

You are most welcome!

Getting past your breakbup —- Susan J. Elliott How to heal your heart —- Louis Hay

Thank you! I will check them out!

One of the best and my favorite blog ever. Aala stuff and best quality.

Thank you so much, Mendy!

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Losing a family member.

The loss of a family member is always a shock and causes many emotions to come to the surface. These articles look at the effects of losing someone in your family and with ways to deal with the loss.

For Adult Children, Mourning a Parent Takes Time

Society tends to believe that because it is expected that our parents will die, bereaved adult children need to “get over mourning a parent quickly and move on.” If you have lost a parent, these suggestions might help.

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Losing your husband, wife, or partner is one of life's most painful experiences. Here are suggestions to help move toward healing after the death of a spouse.

Mourning and Missing our Mothers

A mother’s death can mean a permanent loss of the most significant person in a daughter’s life.

Insights and Advice on Losing a Sibling

Loss of a sibling means loss of someone who knew your formative past. It might trigger feelings of guilt over unsolved sibling issues or a sense of abandonment. Here are some ways to move forward.

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Narrative Essay About Death of Family Member

It’s safe to say that not everyone’s memory is perfect. We all forget things, like someone’s birthday or what our password for our phone is. Very normal, everyday stuff. In my life, I have experienced lots of forgetfulness. One of the biggest things in my life that seems to have been forgotten is my aunt.

My aunt, Stacy, was possibly one of the most wonderful people I knew (at least when I was a young child). She was smart, goofy, driven, and extremely kind. She had a sparkling personality and loved to wear bright colors and lots of sequins and glitter, so it was as if she was really wearing her heart on her sleeve. Though she was estranged from her given family due to reasons unknown, she devoted her life to having a strong family connection. She affected everyone around her. She looked up to my grandmother as a mother-figure since she didn’t have a great relationship with her biological mom. She had two sons, my cousins Jacob and Max, who she gave so much of her attention and love to. She and my mom would act like sisters everytime they were with each other, even though they sometimes didn’t see each other for months at a time because she lived in Florida while my parents lived in Vermont.

After I was born, Stacy and my mom’s bond got even stronger. Stacy had her two sons, but she always wanted a little girl, so once I was born she was able to live a life with a niece who she treated as a daughter. She and my mom would always go out shopping together, and she would constantly talk to my mom about how “gifted” she thought I was. She scheduled many visits so that we would all get together; sometimes in Florida, sometimes in Vermont.

It was about nine years ago when we first found out that she was diagnosed with a type of cancer called Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. My grandmother was visiting us in Vermont when we got a call that she was diagnosed. Around Christmas-time that same year, we went down to Florida to visit her and the rest of my family who lived there. She had just started Chemotherapy, and I remember being really confused when I walked in and she had no hair. It was weird seeing this strong woman I had known since I was born suddenly be so weak and yet so happy. We were visiting at that time to talk about her getting treatment in Dallas, Texas, but I didn’t know that until very recently. The following March, she officially began treatment in Dallas. The treatment was experimental, so no one knew if it was going to help her at all. In her case, the treatment didn’t help at all. By mid-April, the cancer had spread around her body, eventually making it to her brain. The doctors said that there was no treatment that would help her get better from this point, and that they would have to admit her to hospice. My mom rushed down to Florida as they transferred her to hospice, and she passed away just two days later.

After Stacy passed away, my uncle, Bennett, seemed to move on very quickly. He met his current wife, Katie, a few months after Stacy died, in July, and they were engaged after around four months, in November. They were then married the following August. The whole process seemed very sudden and fast to me, and still does to this day. It felt as though he never gave himself a chance to grieve before he moved on to someone new, and it still feels that way, at least to me. It felt as though he was pretending that over 15 years of his life never happened.

It has now been about seven and a half years since Stacy passed away. These days, my uncle and his new wife are tied up with raising three young girls. My uncle doesn’t pay much attention anymore to the needs of his two sons. One of his sons, Max, has Autism, and as soon as Stacy died, it seemed like he pushed Max away. Max started being raised by my grandparents for a while and is now in a career program where he isn't living in the best conditions. However, most of what I know of this scenario is coming from my grandmother, who likes to exaggerate what is happening, so maybe parts of this story aren’t entirely true. His other son, Jacob, acted as a nanny to his young siblings for many year and wouldn’t put his needs first. I’ve always wondered why Jacob let my uncle push him around so much since it’s really not Jacob’s job to be raising my young cousins. However, he did just start going to college for nursing this year, so I’m hoping that that will help him feel like he can make his own decisions.

One of the biggest factors of how things have been run in the Gordon family is my new aunt, Katie. She is a very strong-willed woman who doesn’t really like to let others make important choices. She convinced my uncle to have a child, who ended up being my cousin, Mira. They then adopted two more young girls, one from the Congo (Ellie) and one from China (Haley). My parents and I found it odd when they decided to adopt since it didn’t seem like they were in a place in their lives where they could raise more kids. Perhaps my uncle wanted to have daughters to somehow fulfill Stacy’s wish to raise little girls. Maybe that’s the last glimpse left of Stacy in my uncle’s life. I kind of hope that that’s the case. I’d like to imagine that he didn’t push her out of his mind completely, even if it’s not true.

I’ve always wondered why my uncle moved on so quickly. Maybe it’s because that was the only way to forget the traumatic experiences he went through in the last few months of Stacy’s life. Maybe his way of coping with his feelings is to push them away and forget about them. The latter seems to me as the reason for his actions, but of course I could never be one hundred percent sure of that. I hope that one day I can crack the case as to why everyone’s personalities and normal actions changed so much since Stacy’s death. I miss how close every part of the family was. I liked how often we would do visits, and how I felt like Max and Jacob were my older brothers. I know that those kinds of changes do come with ageing, but I do feel like some of this wasn’t caused by growing up.

I am definitely not the most religious person. I don’t go to my temple’s services every Saturday, and I don’t partake in Shabbat dinners on Friday nights. Regardless of this, sometimes I imagine some type of heaven for those who have passed to go to. As she’s up there in that hypothetical heaven, I wonder what my aunt might think when she looks down on Earth and sees the way things are now being run in the Gordon household. Is she proud? Is she discouraged? Is she ashamed? Maybe she feels forgotten. From the way I perceive my family’s actions, everyone in the Gordon household seems to pretend she never existed. No one, especially not my wonderful, kind, and brave aunt, deserves to be treated that way after death. No one deserves to disappear from people’s lives in an instant.

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College essay topic- losing a loved one Answered

Is it a good idea to write about losing a loved one. That event really impacted me, and changed me as a person. Should I write about it ? I feel confused about how to structure my essay

Earn karma by helping others:

Hi! This is a great question!

You can certainly write about losing a loved one and how it changed you. But I have to warn you about one thing. College essays are meant for you to reveal an aspect of you that the admission officers can't see from your academics. I am saying this because a lot of students will write an essay about losing a loved one but instead of reflecting on how it impacted them, they just end up writing a biography of the person itself. Colleges don't want a person's biography; they want to know more about you. So, in your essay, you can briefly talk about the death of the loved one but quickly transition into a reflection of how that event has changed you. Make sure to include specific feelings, thoughts, and anecdotes in your essay to make it come alive.

I am sorry for your loss and good luck with your essay!

Thank you for the sweet message. That's actually very thoughtful. Sometimes we get diverted from the main topic, I will keep that advice in mind

Your welcome!! I also want to say that colleges receive a lots of these types of essays about the death of a loved one. I want emphasize here again the importance of using personal stories, thoughts, etc to make this essay unique and personal to you. Avoid using general sentences and diction. Good luck!

Yes thank you, will keep that in mind. Are you in clg ?

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Founding member of ‘90s grunge band with Western Mass. ties dies at 53

A founding member of the band Staind , drummer Jon Wysocki, died May 18, at age 53.

Wysocki’s band, Lydia’s Castle , confirmed his death over the weekend, in an Instagram post , stating he died Saturday at 8:02 p.m., while “surrounded by family and friends that loved him dearly.”

Just hours earlier, fellow Lydia’s Castle band member Shawna Hornbeck wrote Wysocki was in the ICU, battling liver issues which required him to be under the attention of medical professionals, in a 1:09 p.m. Facebook post.

• Read more: ‘Hunger Games,’ ‘Jurassic World,’ ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ actor dies at 47

At that time, Hornbeck said there were signs of recovery.

On Monday, May 20, Hornbeck shared an update that she was mourning “the loss of (her) best friend.”

Friends and fans took to Facebook to share their memories and thoughts following Wysocki’s death.

One user shared that Wysocki was “such a good man, a great friend, incredibly talented, and it’s just not fair,” adding, “he’ll be remembered forever.”

• Read more: Woman with unforgettable role in ‘Jaws’ dies at 77

Another commented the news is “a tragically sad situation,” and they were “completely off guard for this one.”

Others shared their condolences and echoed tunes of the same song — “Jon was an awesome drummer and even better dude.”

Staind fans react to the news

Staind first made its debut in the music scene in the early ‘90s.

On Sunday, May 19, Staind ’s official Facebook page shared the band came to fruition after meeting through mutual friends in 1994. The band was later founded in 1995.

“The 17 years that followed were some of the best memories of our times together,” the post reads. “From practice in Ludlow, Mass. to touring around the world, Jon was integral to who we were as a band. Our hearts go out to Jon’s family, and fans around the world who loved him.”

The band has roots in New England, with vocalist Aaron Lewis of Rutland, Vermont, joining forces with guitarist Mike Mushok , of Ludlow, meeting at a Christmas party in 1993.

• Read more: Musician who put ‘saxophone back into Rock ‘n Roll’ dies from cancer

Mushok looped Wysocki, of Westfield, into the mix. Lewis later introduced a bass player into the mix, completing the early lineup.

According to Staind ’s official website, establishing the band took time but hit their “big break,” in October 1997. The Republican reported that Wysocki left Staind in 2011.

Staind fans took to the band’s official Facebook post to share their thoughts following Wysocki’s death.

“Very sad news. Such a big influence for me and my playing,” wrote one user. “Thank you for all you did. Rest in peace.”

Fans gathered by the dozens to share stories of how Wysocki impacted their musical endeavors, with one sharing they “still remember hearing his drums in Break the Cycle and being fascinated with the ghost notes,” adding they were “just a kid and didn’t know how the technique worked.”

©2024 Advance Local Media LLC. Visit masslive.com. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

Losing loved one in Fort Pierce shootings like a 'bad dream,' family member says

FORT PIERCE, Fla. — One of the victims in the Fort Pierce shootings that left three people dead was a 24-year-old man who worked for the city's police department.

Sitting on his couch in the front room of his house, Quinton Johnson was on the verge of tears Monday.

"It's like a bad dream that I wish I could wake up from, and he's like here again," Johnson said.

But Johnson knows his godson, Devin Bradley, is gone.

"It's setting in day by day," Johnson said. "It seems like every time I'm talking about it I feel myself tearing up. I feel like a part of me is missing now."

Bradley was found dead Saturday from a gunshot wound in his house in the 1600 block of 24th Street.

Johnson said Bradley worked for the Fort Pierce Police Department. He was a musician and working on a degree when he was killed.

FORMER POSTAL EMPLOYEE AMONG THOSE KILLED

The other victim killed, Roosevelt Benjamin, 59, was found dead inside his home.

Benjamin's wife, Jeanette, who is deaf, said her husband was the love of her life.

Fort Pierce

Police: Shootings that left 3 dead, 1 injured 'like a puzzle'

Her daughter, Tonia Thompson, used sign language to convey her mother's grief.        "Yes, she said she loves him," Thompson said.

Jeanette Benjamin said her husband was a family man and a working man.

"She feels like she can't live without him," Thompson said of her mother. "She says it's going to be hard on all four of her daughters."

The U.S. Postal Service released the following statement about Benjamin's death:

"Roosevelt "Kent" Benjamin was a clerk at the Orange Avenue Station in Fort Pierce. USPS has offered onsite counseling service to employees at the Orange Avenue Station as well as employees at the Fort Pierce Main Office. Mr. Benjamin worked for the Postal Service for 30-plus years. He was well respected by his managers, supervisors, and co-workers ... he was an excellent employee."

The third victim, Craig Robinson, 50, remains a patient at HCA Florida Lawnwood Hospital.

All three men are from Fort Pierce.

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Chickasha family mourns tragic loss and seeks community support after triple homicide

by Katie Arata

CHICKASHA (KOKH) — A Chickasha family is grieving the loss of three family members after a triple homicide last week. Now the family is speaking out about their lost loved ones.

On May 11th, authorities found James, Patty, and Shayla Mayhugh dead with gunshot wounds in their Chickasha home.

Now their family is remembering them and asking for support from the community during this difficult time.

"I was with my dad whenever they found Patty, and that was devastating, and so see my dad in that state, it just crushes you," said Adam Burnett, Patty Mayhugh's Nephew.

Burnett said his family was in shock when they heard the news that Patty, James, and Shayla were found shot dead in their Chickasha home,

"We started pulling ourselves together, but then at that point... is it a home invasion, you know... just different things started running through our heads of you know what it could have possibly been," he said, "The fact that all three of them were gone at that point. It was just, we were all in shock."

Just days after the murders, the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation announced a warrant for Patty and James's son, 22-year-old Jacob Mayhugh in connection to the triple homicide.

Jacob was arrested on May 14th according to OSBI, and according to court documents, he confessed to the murderers of his parents and sister.

Now their close family members are mourning their loved ones.

"Patty, she was amazing, of course, my dad's sister," said Burnett, "James, he was a quiet man, but he was he was a really he was he was very family oriented... Shayla was my cousin and I can't believe I'm even talking about it. It's just it's so unreal. But me and my brother grew up with her as young kids."

"They're amazing people, even people within their community here in Chickasha you know, they had nothing but awesome things to say about them," Burnett said.

Family members have set up a GoFundMe page to help cover funeral costs, if you'd like to donate, click here.

On Friday, a judge denied bond for Jacob Mayhugh who is facing three counts of first-degree murder.

According to court documents, there is a strong likelihood that the State will file a bill of particulars, giving Jacob a required notice that the death penalty will be sought.

For more local news delivered straight to your inbox, sign up for our daily newsletter by clicking here.

Testimony underway in trial of Waco felon accused of sexually assaulting girls

WACO, Texas ( KWTX ) - A Waco teen and a 29-year-old woman testified Tuesday that their family member, Joshua Dornell Mayes, sexually assaulted them in incidents 11 years apart.

Mayes, 32, a fast-food restaurant employee, is on trial in Waco’s 19th State District Court in the alleged 2020 sexual assault of the younger girl, who testified Mayes abused her from January 2020 to August 2020 when she was 10 years old.

Mayes, who has two sexual assault convictions from Falls County in 2009 and 2010, is charged with continuous sexual abuse of a young child and an enhanced indecency with a child by contact count.

He faces an automatic life prison term if convicted in the indecency case because of his prior sexual assault convictions and from 25 years without parole up to life without parole if convicted in the first count.

The girl, who is now an eighth-grader, told jurors that she managed to push Mayes away from her the first time he tried to molest her. However, he persisted, she said, and sexually assaulted her on numerous occasions during her visits to his home.

On one occasion, he apologized after sexually assaulting her and asked her if she wanted to watch anime and eat popcorn with him, she testified.

The abuse came to light when her mother found pornographic images on her phone that Mayes had texted her, she said. Her mother then reported the assaults to Waco police.

In other prosecution testimony Tuesday, a woman, another of Mayes’ family members, testified that Mayes raped her in 2009 when she was 13.

“I asked him to stop, but I didn’t want to be that loud and wake up everybody in the house,” she said. “He said, ‘This is what you make me do.’”

Prosecutors Liz Buice and Mark Martinez rested their case Tuesday afternoon. Defense attorneys Brittany Lannen and Deandra Petty told Judge Thomas West they were unsure if they will call any defense witnesses when the trial resumes Wednesday morning.

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