speech on self esteem

Speeches > James E. Faust > Self-Esteem: A Great Human Need

Self-Esteem: A Great Human Need

James e. faust.

of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

August 23, 1983

It is an honor to be one of the participants of the Campus Education Week and to join all of you and the distinguished faculty who are participating here. I am at once humbled and challenged in trying to speak of a great human need, self-esteem. I refer to what we think of ourselves, how we relate to what others think of us and the value of what we accomplish. Shakespeare in  Othello  said, “I have never found a man that knew how to love himself” (Act 1, scene 3).

The consequences of falling in love with oneself generally continue as an extended romance. This is what Thomas Carlyle, the famous Scottish writer referred to as “the sixth insatiable sense.” And the English author Browning said self-esteem is “an itch for the praise of fools.” The self-esteem that I speak of today is something different. It is not blind, arrogant, vain self-love, but self-respecting, unconceited, honest self-esteem. It is born of inner peace and strength.

Last month I went to get my driver’s license renewed. I stood in the lines and looked at the eye charts. Then I waited with everyone else for the picture-taking process. In the picture on my license this time, my eyes are open! It was appalling to see the lack of self-esteem in so many who came to this public office. In the name of comfort and informality, many were immodestly dressed and others unkempt. I wondered why they would present themselves in public so poorly. In their manner of speech and their dress they had greatly shortchanged themselves. “Speech,” it has been said, “is a mirror of the soul: as a man speaks so is he” (Publilius Syrus, Maxim 1073).

Self-esteem goes to the very heart of our personal growth and accomplishment. Self-esteem is the glue that holds together our self-reliance, our self-control, our self-approval or disapproval, and keeps all self-defense mechanisms secure. It is a protection against excessive self-deception, self-distrust, self-reproach, and plain old-fashion selfishness.

After a lifetime of observing, I have found the greatest respect is owed not necessarily to the rich, or the famous, but to the quiet, unsung, unknown heroes whose true identity, like the unknown soldier’s, is known only to God. The unsung often have little of status, but much of worth.

When I was growing up in the Cottonwood area of Salt Lake County; it was the rural part of the valley. One of the men who had the greatest dignity and commanded the greatest respect was an old Scandinavian brother who, after walking a couple of miles, traveled by streetcar to work at the Salt Lake City Cemetery and back every day. His work was to water and mow the grass, tend the flowers, and dig the graves. He said little because he did not speak English well, but he was always where he should be, doing what he should do in a most dignified and exemplary way. He had no problems with ego, or with faith, for while he dug graves for a living, his work was to serve God. He was a man of little status, but of great worth.

Not far away from his humble home was where the more affluent people of our community lived. Many of the well-to-do were fine, honorable people; but some of them who had much status had little of worth.

When the Savior called his disciples, he was not looking for men and women of status, property, or fame. He was looking for those of worth and potential. They were an interesting group, those early disciples: the fishermen, the tax gatherer, and the others. On one occasion, after some of the apostles were beaten, they went “rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name” (Acts 5:41).

Worth has little to do with age. It has everything to do with service. The Lord has made it clear that worthiness is built upon service, not just to family and friends, but also to strangers and even to enemies. The great prophet Isaiah gave an eternal warning when he said:

Peace, peace to him that is far off, and to him that is near, saith the Lord; and I will heal him.

But the wicked are like the troubled sea, when it cannot rest, whose waters cast up mire and dirt.

There is no peace, saith my God, to the wicked.  [Isaiah 57:19-21]

From Milton’s  Paradise Lost  comes this truth: “Ofttimes nothing profits more than self-esteem grounded on just and right well managed” (Book 8, line 571).

1. Keep Your Free Agency.

May I suggest six essentials to keep a healthy self-esteem. The first key is to keep your free agency. To keep your free agency, you must not surrender self-control, nor yield to habits that bind, to addiction that enslaves, and to conduct that destroys. To keep our free agency we must avoid the deadly traps and pitfalls from which there may be no escape. Some, having been ensnared, spend the best years of their lives trying to escape, and so exhaust themselves in the process that in the end they find themselves freed from the addiction but spent, burned out, with their nerves shot and their brains forever dulled.

In Proverbs we read: “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls” (Proverbs 25:28). To completely enjoy our free agency, it is necessary to follow the counsel of the 119 th  Psalm: “I have refrained my feet from every evil” (Psalm 119:101). As parents, we should follow the counsel of Alma. Teach them (our children) “to withstand every temptation of the devil” (Alma 37:33) and “bridle all your passions” (Alma 38:12).

2. Cultivate Humility.

The second key to an adequate self-esteem is humility. In speaking of humility I do not refer to the “breast beating,” “sackcloth and ashes” kind of humility. I refer to the humility that comes with inner strength and peace. It is the humility that can accept and live with one’s own warts without cosmetics to hide them. It is important to learn to live with our incorrectable physical and mental defects without comment and without explanation.

A few years ago I became acquainted with a delightful and wonderful new friend. He is charming, outgoing, and well groomed. He is a successful businessman. His spirituality shines through his countenance. He was completely honest in our business relationship. After many contacts and several months, I noticed a slight limp in his walk which had not been obvious before. That led to a closer observation. It was surprising that when I looked past the gracious smile, I noticed that my friend was slightly hunchbacked, with a somewhat misshapen spine. These physical defects were so well hidden by natural goodness, warmth, and great charm that they were as nothing in the total man. My friend accepts his physical defects with humility and strength and completely compensates for them with his natural personality.

There is another dimension of humility that must be mentioned—that of being teachable. The prophet Samuel counsels, “Now therefore stand still, that I may reason with you” (1 Samuel 12:7). Proverbs reminds us that “Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge” (Proverbs 12:1). Any married man should be humble enough to learn from his wife. We have had a great example of this in the life of President Nathan Eldon Tanner. When Sister Sarah Tanner married President Tanner, he was a schoolteacher, not long from the farm in Alberta, Canada. Instead of bridling at receiving a suggestion from his wife, President Tanner had the humility and the strength to listen to her.

3. Be Honest.

The third key to self-esteem is honesty. Honesty begins in being true to one’s own self.

Some years ago I sat as a spectator in a heartrending courtroom drama concerning the custody of some children. I don’t know anything that is more heartrending than a custody battle for children. The contention was that the natural mother was not a good housekeeper, which was intended to add fuel to the claim that she was an unfit mother. A caseworker had testified that when she visited the family home it was in a shambles and that the kitchen was dirty.

The natural mother seeking to keep custody of her children was called to the stand. A middle-aged, heavy, physically unattractive lady came forward, took the oath, and sat in the witness stand. The attorney for the father, who had remarried and wanted custody of the children, followed up relentlessly on the testimony already provided by the caseworker. His questions to the beleaguered mother were penetrating.

“Isn’t it a fact,” he asked, “that your house was as dirty as a pigpen the day the caseworker came?” What drama! How could the mother answer in her own best interest and protect her custody of the children? What should she say? There was electricity in the air!

She hesitated for a tense moment, and then she responded, calmly, with complete self-assurance: “Yes, my house certainly was a mess that day.”

Her honesty obviously surprised even the judge, for he leaned over the bench and asked, “What do you mean, ‘that day?’”

“Well, your honor” she replied, “earlier that morning when the caseworker came I had been bottling peaches. I had peeled, cooked, and bottled two bushels of peaches. I had not finished cleaning up the mess when the caseworker came. My sink was still sticky from the syrup that had spilled over that I was trying to pour into the bottles before they were sealed. My house certainly was a mess that day. I try to be a good housekeeper, but with three children, I can’t possibly keep it straight all the time.”

Her frankness and candor were absolutely disarming and devastating to the opposition. When she finished, everyone in the courtroom knew the judge would rule in her favor. As she arose and stepped down from the witness stand, she had the bearing and the self-assurance of a queen.

Being true to one’s own self is the essence of honesty and a keystone of self-esteem.

4. Love Work.

The fourth key to self-esteem is the love of work. The most gifted athlete at our university excelled at every sport. He played football and ran the hurdles—in fact, he held the conference record in the low hurdles. Our coach, Ike Armstrong, required that the sprinters run once a week with the quarter milers for three hundred yards to increase the stamina of the sprinters and increase the speed of the quarter-milers. My friend—the great athlete—would lead all of the runners for about 275 yards, but as soon as the first quarter miler passed him he would quit and wouldn’t even finish. His natural talent and ability was such that he never had to extend himself to excel. He married, but the marriage failed. He went on into professional football and was something of a star until he got into the drug scene and died from the debilitating effects of drugs and alcohol. Others with much less talent have achieved far more.

In my experience there are very few people who are of true genius. There are many who are gifted, but most of the world’s work and great things come from ordinary people with a talent which they develop. An ordinary, garden-variety talent can be nurtured and nourished into a great gift through hard work. Some of the artisans of China spend years making one exquisite object of art of unbelievable grace and beauty.

Some time ago we went to hear the New York Symphony in concert in Salt Lake City. The music was exceptional. The teamwork of each gifted musician blended to make a superb orchestral sound. Each of the group possesses great talent. Not everyone, however, has a talent for the arts, such as painting, sculpture, or music. Some may have a great gift to make others feel important, happy, and special. This gift should also be developed and strengthened.

The spiritual gifts likewise can be refined and enlarged by attentive application to righteous living, to prayer, to study of the scriptures, and to obedience. George Lucas has said, “It doesn’t matter what people say about me, or what I say; what matters is what I accomplish.” What we accomplish helps our self-esteem. Frequently we hear, “The work I do is unimportant,” or “I’m just this or that.” Every job that has to be done is important; no matter how minimal it seems, someone has to do it.

During the flood in Utah this summer, more than a million sandbags had to be filled, tied, and put into place. The former head of one of the biggest companies in Utah wanted to be helpful in his neighborhood. Some of the work was being directed by the bishop, and the bishop asked him to find the tie strings and tie sandbags. He found tie strings in many places, some of them on the ground, and he went around picking up the strings from the ground. It was an emergency. Someone had to do it.

5. Love Others and Self.

The fifth key to building self-esteem is the ability to love. The commandment given by the Savior was to love others and yourself. Am I secure enough in my love of myself to laugh at myself, to admit my mistakes, to graciously accept a compliment? Am I secure in my love of others to smile and say hello to a perfect stranger?

Years ago in seminary our class was taught:

I have to live with myself, and so I want to be fit for myself to know. I want to go out with my head erect. I want to demand all men’s respect. I never can hide myself from me; I see what others may never see. I can never fool myself, and so, Whatever happens, I want to be Self-respecting and conscience free!

6. Love God.

The sixth and most essential key to self-esteem is the love of God. Mosiah reminds us, “How knoweth a man the master whom he has not served?” (Mosiah 5:13). In Paul’s epistle to Titus he reminds us that there are many who “profess that they know God; but in the works they deny him” (Titus 1:16).

There is a key given to us: “And hereby we know that he abideth in us, by the Spirit which he hath given us” (1 John 3:24). We can know that we know God, “And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him” (1 John 2:3–4).

There are many whose self-esteem has been devastated by the loss of loved ones, by divorce, by other personal misfortunes. Some carry an extra burden of guilt from grievous sins. Transgression is extremely devastating to self-esteem. After transgression usually comes rationalization and often lying. This is what makes justice so violent to the offending.

Fortunately we have the great principle of repentance whereby sins “as scarlet” can become “as white as snow” (Isaiah 1:18). I am grateful for this principle and pray none will hesitate to find the peace that comes from repentance. It is important to remember and never forget that all of us, male and female, were created in the image of God and created by God. Mankind is the noblest of all creations.

“What is man” asked the psalmist,

that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?

For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.

Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet.  [Psalms 8:4–6]

Frequently in my ministry, as I have been setting apart a stake Relief Society president or a stake Primary president, ordaining a bishop or a stake patriarch, or setting apart a stake president or a mission president, the distinct impression has come to me that the person on whose head I have laid hands was foreordained to that calling. The prophet Jeremiah had this assurance come to him from the Lord,

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.  [Jeremiah 1:5]

Not all of us are called to leadership in the kingdom. Yet is there a greater work than that of teacher, father, mother? So it is that nobody is nobody. The seeds of divinity are in all of us. There will come a day when we will have to account to God for what we have done with that portion of divinity which is within each of us.

I testify that God loves each of us, warts and all. I testify that he knows each of our names. I testify that each of us has a potential in this life and beyond the grave that exceeds our fondest dreams. I testify through the gifts of the Holy Spirit that we are engaged in His holy work. I invoke the blessings of heaven upon all, and pray that we may come to know who we truly are, the sons and daughters of God. In the sacred name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

© Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All rights reserved.

James E. Faust was a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when this Campus Education Week devotional address was given at Brigham Young University on 23 August 1983.

Self-Esteem

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What Is Self-Esteem?

Your Sense of Your Personal Worth or Value

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Verywell / Brianna Gilmartin

Theories of Self-Esteem

Healthy self-esteem, low self-esteem, excessive self-esteem.

• How to Improve

Self-esteem is your subjective sense of overall personal worth or value. Similar to self-respect, it describes your level of confidence in your abilities and attributes.

Having healthy self-esteem can influence your motivation, your mental well-being, and your overall quality of life. However, having self-esteem that is either too high or too low can be problematic. Better understanding what your unique level of self-esteem is can help you strike a balance that is just right for you.

Key elements of self-esteem include:

• Self-confidence
• Feelings of security
• Sense of belonging
• Feeling of competence

Other terms often used interchangeably with self-esteem include self-worth, self-regard, and self-respect.

Self-esteem tends to be lowest in childhood and increases during adolescence, as well as adulthood, eventually reaching a fairly stable and enduring level. This makes self-esteem similar to the stability of personality traits over time.

Why Self-Esteem Is Important

Self-esteem impacts your decision-making process, your relationships, your emotional health, and your overall well-being. It also influences motivation , as people with a healthy, positive view of themselves understand their potential and may feel inspired to take on new challenges.

Four key characteristics of healthy self-esteem are:

• A firm understanding of one's skills
• The ability to maintain healthy relationships with others as a result of having a healthy relationship with oneself
• Realistic and appropriate personal expectations
• An understanding of one's needs and the ability to express those needs

People with low self-esteem tend to feel less sure of their abilities and may doubt their decision-making process. They may not feel motivated to try novel things because they don’t believe they can reach their goals. Those with low self-esteem may have issues with relationships and expressing their needs. They may also experience low levels of confidence and feel unlovable and unworthy.

People with overly high self-esteem may overestimate their skills and may feel entitled to succeed, even without the abilities to back up their belief in themselves. They may struggle with relationship issues and block themselves from self-improvement because they are so fixated on seeing themselves as perfect .

Click Play to Learn More About Self-Esteem

This video has been medically reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS .

Many theorists have written about the dynamics involved in the development of self-esteem. The concept of self-esteem plays an important role in psychologist Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs , which depicts esteem as one of the basic human motivations.

Maslow suggested that individuals need both appreciation from other people and inner self-respect to build esteem. Both of these needs must be fulfilled in order for an individual to grow as a person and reach self-actualization .

It is important to note that self-esteem is a concept distinct from self-efficacy , which involves how well you believe you'll handle future actions, performance, or abilities.

Factors That Affect Self-Esteem

There are many factors that can influence self-esteem. Your self-esteem may be impacted by:

• Physical abilities
• Socioeconomic status
• Thought patterns

Racism and discrimination have also been shown to have negative effects on self-esteem. Additionally, genetic factors that help shape a person's personality can play a role, but life experiences are thought to be the most important factor.

It is often our experiences that form the basis for overall self-esteem. For example, low self-esteem might be caused by overly critical or negative assessments from family and friends. Those who experience what Carl Rogers referred to as unconditional positive regard will be more likely to have healthy self-esteem.

There are some simple ways to tell if you have healthy self-esteem. You probably have healthy self-esteem if you:

• Avoid dwelling on past negative experiences
• Believe you are equal to everyone else, no better and no worse
• Express your needs
• Feel confident
• Have a positive outlook on life
• Say no when you want to
• See your overall strengths and weaknesses and accept them

Having healthy self-esteem can help motivate you to reach your goals, because you are able to navigate life knowing that you are capable of accomplishing what you set your mind to. Additionally, when you have healthy self-esteem, you are able to set appropriate boundaries in relationships and maintain a healthy relationship with yourself and others.

Low self-esteem may manifest in a variety of ways. If you have low self-esteem:

• You may believe that others are better than you.
• You may find expressing your needs difficult.
• You may focus on your weaknesses.
• You may frequently experience fear, self-doubt, and worry.
• You may have a negative outlook on life and feel a lack of control.
• You may have an intense fear of failure.
• You may have trouble accepting positive feedback.
• You may have trouble saying no and setting boundaries.
• You may put other people's needs before your own.
• You may struggle with confidence .

Low self-esteem has the potential to lead to a variety of mental health disorders, including anxiety disorders and depressive disorders. You may also find it difficult to pursue your goals and maintain healthy relationships. Having low self-esteem can seriously impact your quality of life and increases your risk for experiencing suicidal thoughts.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  at  988 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see our  National Helpline Database .

Overly high self-esteem is often mislabeled as narcissism , however there are some distinct traits that differentiate these terms. Individuals with narcissistic traits may appear to have high self-esteem, but their self-esteem may be high or low and is unstable, constantly shifting depending on the given situation. Those with excessive self-esteem:

• May be preoccupied with being perfect
• May focus on always being right
• May believe they cannot fail
• May believe they are more skilled or better than others
• May express grandiose ideas
• May grossly overestimate their skills and abilities

When self-esteem is too high, it can result in relationship problems, difficulty with social situations, and an inability to accept criticism.

How to Improve Self-Esteem

Fortunately, there are steps that you can take to address problems with your perceptions of yourself and faith in your abilities. How do you build self-esteem? Some actions that you can take to help improve your self-esteem include:

• Become more aware of negative thoughts . Learn to identify the distorted thoughts that are impacting your self-worth.
• Challenge negative thinking patterns . When you find yourself engaging in negative thinking, try countering those thoughts with more realistic and/or positive ones. 
• Use positive self-talk . Practice reciting positive affirmations to yourself.
• Practice self-compassion . Practice forgiving yourself for past mistakes and move forward by accepting all parts of yourself.

Low self-esteem can contribute to or be a symptom of mental health disorders, including anxiety and depression . Consider speaking with a doctor or therapist about available treatment options, which may include psychotherapy (in-person or online), medications, or a combination of both.

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Though some of the causes of low self-esteem can’t be changed, such as genetic factors, early childhood experiences, and personality traits, there are steps you can take to feel more secure and valued. Remember that no one person is less worthy than the next. Keeping this in mind may help you maintain a healthy sense of self-esteem.

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Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares strategies that can help you learn to truly believe in yourself, featuring IT Cosmetics founder Jamie Kern Lima.

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Trzesniewski KH, Donnellan MB, Robins RW. Stability of self-esteem across the life span .  J Pers Soc Psychol . 2003;84(1):205-220.

von Soest T, Wagner J, Hansen T, Gerstorf D. Self-esteem across the second half of life: The role of socioeconomic status, physical health, social relationships, and personality factors .  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology . 2018;114(6):945-958. doi:10.1037/pspp0000123

Johnson AJ. Examining associations between racism, internalized shame, and self-esteem among African Americans . Cogent Psychology . 2020;7(1):1757857. doi:10.1080/23311908.2020.1757857

Gabriel AS, Erickson RJ, Diefendorff JM, Krantz D. When does feeling in control benefit well-being? The boundary conditions of identity commitment and self-esteem.   Journal of Vocational Behavior . 2020;119:103415. doi:10.1016/j.jvb.2020.103415

Nguyen DT, Wright EP, Dedding C, Pham TT, Bunders J. Low self-esteem and its association with anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation in Vietnamese secondary school students: A cross-sectional study .  Front Psychiatry . 2019;10:698. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2019.00698

Brummelman E, Thomaes S, Sedikides C. Separating narcissism from self-esteem.   Curr Dir Psychol Sci . 2016;25(1):8-13. doi:10.1177/0963721415619737

Cascio CN, O’Donnell MB, Tinney FJ, Lieberman MD, Taylor SE, Stretcher VJ, et. al. Self-affirmation activates brain systems associated with self-related processing and reward and is reinforced by future orientation . Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience . 2016;11(4):621-629. doi:10.1093/scan/nsv136

Maslow AH. Motivation and Personality . 3rd ed. New York: Harper & Row; 1987.

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Appointments at Mayo Clinic

• Adult health

Self-esteem: Take steps to feel better about yourself

Harness the power of your thoughts and beliefs to raise your self-esteem. Start with these steps.

Low self-esteem can affect nearly every aspect of life. It can impact your relationships, job and health. But you can boost your self-esteem by taking cues from mental health counseling.

Consider these steps, based on cognitive behavioral therapy.

1. Recognize situations that affect self-esteem

Think about the situations that seem to deflate your self-esteem. Common triggers might include:

• A work or school presentation
• A crisis at work or home
• A challenge with a spouse, loved one, co-worker or other close contact
• A change in roles or life events, such as a job loss or a child leaving home

2. Become aware of thoughts and beliefs

Once you've learned which situations affect your self-esteem, notice your thoughts about them. This includes what you tell yourself (self-talk) and how you view the situations.

Your thoughts and beliefs might be positive, negative or neutral. They might be rational, based on reason or facts. Or they may be irrational, based on false ideas.

Ask yourself if these beliefs are true. Would you say them to a friend? If you wouldn't say them to someone else, don't say them to yourself.

3. Challenge negative thinking

Your initial thoughts might not be the only way to view a situation. Ask yourself whether your view is in line with facts and logic. Or is there another explanation?

Be aware that it can be hard to see flaws in your logic. Long-held thoughts and beliefs can feel factual even if they're opinions.

Also notice if you're having these thought patterns that erode self-esteem:

• All-or-nothing thinking. This involves seeing things as either all good or all bad. For example, you may think, "If I don't succeed in this task, I'm a total failure."
• Mental filtering. This means you focus and dwell on the negatives. It can distort your view of a person or situation. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I'm not up to the job."
• Converting positives into negatives. This may involve rejecting your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."
• Jumping to negative conclusions. You may tend to reach a negative conclusion with little or no evidence. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my text, so I must have done something to make her angry."
• Mistaking feelings for facts. You may confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure."
• Negative self-talk. You undervalue yourself. You may put yourself down or joke about your faults. For example, you may say, "I don't deserve anything better."

4. Adjust your thoughts and beliefs

Now replace negative or untrue thoughts with positive, accurate thoughts. Try these strategies:

• Use hopeful statements. Be kind and encouraging to yourself. Instead of thinking a situation won't go well, focus on the positive. Tell yourself, "Even though it's tough, I can handle this."
• Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. But mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They're moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person."
• Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you might be putting too many demands on yourself. Try to remove these words from your thoughts. It may lead to a healthier view of what to expect from yourself.
• Focus on the positive. Think about the parts of your life that work well. Remember the skills you've used to cope with challenges.
• Consider what you've learned. If it was a negative experience, what changes can you make next time to create a more positive outcome?
• Relabel upsetting thoughts. Think of negative thoughts as signals to try new, healthy patterns. Ask yourself, "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"
• Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For example, "My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged. That means I met my goal."

You might also try these steps, based on acceptance and commitment therapy.

1. Spot troubling conditions or situations

Again, think about the conditions or situations that seem to deflate your self-esteem. Then pay attention to your thoughts about them.

2. Step back from your thoughts

Repeat your negative thoughts many times. The goal is to take a step back from automatic thoughts and beliefs and observe them. Instead of trying to change your thoughts, distance yourself from them. Realize that they are nothing more than words.

3. Accept your thoughts

Instead of resisting or being overwhelmed by negative thoughts or feelings, accept them. You don't have to like them. Just allow yourself to feel them.

Negative thoughts don't need to be controlled, changed or acted upon. Aim to lessen their power on your behavior.

These steps might seem awkward at first. But they'll get easier with practice. Recognizing the thoughts and beliefs that affect low self-esteem allows you to change the way you think about them. This will help you accept your value as a person. As your self-esteem increases, your confidence and sense of well-being are likely to soar.

In addition to these suggestions, remember that you're worth special care. Be sure to:

• Take care of yourself. Follow good health guidelines. Try to exercise at least 30 minutes a day most days of the week. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Limit sweets, junk food and saturated fats.
• Do things you enjoy. Start by making a list of things you like to do. Try to do something from that list every day.
• Spend time with people who make you happy. Don't waste time on people who don't treat you well.

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• Orth U, et al. Is high self-esteem beneficial? Revisiting a classic question. American Psychologist. 2022; doi:10.1037/amp0000922.
• Levenson JL, ed. Psychotherapy. In: The American Psychiatric Association Publishing Textbook of Psychosomatic Medicine and Consultation-Liaison Psychiatry. 3rd ed. American Psychiatric Association Publishing; 2019. https://psychiatryonline.org. Accessed April 27, 2022.
• Kliegman RM, et al. Psychotherapy and psychiatric hospitalization. In: Nelson Textbook of Pediatrics. 21st ed. Elsevier; 2020. https://www.clinicalkey.com. Accessed April 27, 2022.
• Fusar-Poli P, et al. What is good mental health? A scoping review. European Neuropsychopharmacology. 202; doi:10.1016/j.euroneuro.2019.12.105.
• Van de Graaf DL, et al. Online acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) interventions for chronic pain: A systematic literature review. Internet Interventions. 2021; doi:10.1016/j.invent.2021.100465.
• Bourne EJ. The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. 7th ed. New Harbinger Publications; 2020.
• Ebert MH, et al., eds. Behavioral and cognitive-behavioral interventions. In: Current Diagnosis & Treatment: Psychiatry. 3rd ed. McGraw Hill; 2019. https://www.accessmedicine.mhmedical.com. Accessed May 4, 2022.
• Self-esteem self-help guide. NHS inform. https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/mental-health/mental-health-self-help-guides/self-esteem-self-help-guide. Accessed May 4, 2022.
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5 ways to build lasting self-esteem

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Everyone is in favor of high self-esteem — but cultivating it can be surprisingly tough. Psychologist Guy Winch explains why — and describes smart ways we can help build ourselves up.

Many of us recognize the value of improving our feelings of self-worth. When our self-esteem is higher, we not only feel better about ourselves, we are more resilient as well. Brain scan studies demonstrate that when our self-esteem is higher, we are likely to experience common emotional wounds such as rejection  and failure  as less painful, and bounce back from them more quickly. When our self-esteem is higher, we are also less vulnerable to anxiety ; we release less cortisol into our bloodstream when under stress, and it is  less likely to linger in our system.

But as wonderful as it is to have higher self-esteem, it turns out that improving it is no easy task. Despite the endless array of articles, programs and products promising to enhance our self-esteem, the reality is that many of them do not work and some are even likely to make us feel worse .

Part of the problem is that our self-esteem is rather unstable to begin with, as it can fluctuate daily, if not hourly. Further complicating matters, our self-esteem comprises both our global feelings about ourselves as well as how we feel about ourselves in the specific domains of our lives (e.g., as a father, a nurse, an athlete, etc.).  The more meaningful a specific domain of self-esteem, the greater the impact it has on our global self-esteem. Having someone wince when they taste the not-so-delicious dinner you prepared will hurt a chef’s self-esteem much more than someone for whom cooking is not a significant aspect of their identity.

Lastly, having high self-esteem is indeed a good thing, but only in moderation. Very high self-esteem — like that of narcissists — is often quite brittle. Such people might feel great about themselves much of the time but they also tend to be extremely vulnerable to criticism and negative feedback and respond to it in ways that stunts their psychological self-growth .

That said, it is certainly possible to improve our self-esteem if we go about it the right way. Here are five ways to nourish your self-esteem when it is low:

1. Use positive affirmations correctly

Positive affirmations such as “I am going to be a great success!” are extremely popular, but they have one critical problem — they tend to make people with low self-worth feel worse about themselves. Why? Because when our self-esteem is low, such declarations are simply too contrary to our existing beliefs . Ironically, positive affirmations do work for one subset of people — those whose self-esteem is already high. For affirmations to work when your self-esteem is lagging, tweak them to make them more believable. For example, change “I’m going to be a great success!” to “I’m going to persevere until I succeed!”

2. Identify your competencies and develop them

Self-esteem is built by demonstrating real ability and achievement in areas of our lives that matter to us. If you pride yourself on being a good cook, throw more dinner parties. If you’re a good runner, sign up for races and train for them. In short, figure out your core competencies and find opportunities and careers that accentuate them.  

3. Learn to accept compliments

One of the trickiest aspects of improving self-esteem is that when we feel bad about ourselves we tend to be more resistant to compliments  — even though that is when we most need them. So, set yourself the goal to tolerate compliments when you receive them, even if they make you uncomfortable (and they will). The best way to avoid the reflexive reactions of batting away compliments is to prepare simple set responses and train yourself to use them automatically whenever you get good feedback (e.g., “Thank you” or “How kind of you to say”). In time, the impulse to deny or rebuff compliments will fade — which will also be a nice indication your self-esteem is getting stronger.

4. Eliminate self-criticism and introduce self-compassion 

Unfortunately, when our self-esteem is low, we are likely to damage it even further by being self-critical. Since our goal is to enhance our self-esteem, we need to substitute self-criticism (which is almost always entirely useless, even if it feels compelling) with self-compassion . Specifically, whenever your self-critical inner monologue kicks in, ask yourself what you would say to a dear friend if they were in your situation (we tend to be much more compassionate to friends than we are to ourselves) and direct those comments to yourself. Doing so will avoid damaging your self-esteem further with critical thoughts, and help build it up instead.

5. Affirm your real worth

The following exercise has been demonstrated to help revive your self-esteem after it sustained a blow:  Make a list of qualities you have that are meaningful in the specific context. For example, if you got rejected by your date, list qualities that make you a good relationship prospect (for example, being loyal or emotionally available); if you failed to get a work promotion, list qualities that make you a valuable employee (you have a strong work ethic or are responsible). Then choose one of the items on your list and write a brief essay (one to two paragraphs) about why the quality is valuable and likely to be appreciated by other people in the future. Do the exercise every day for a week or whenever you need a self-esteem boost.

The bottom line is improving self-esteem requires a bit of work, as it involves developing and maintaining healthier emotional habits but doing so, and especially doing so correctly, will provide a great emotional and psychological return on your investment.

About the author

Guy Winch is a licensed psychologist who is a leading advocate for integrating the science of emotional health into our daily lives. His three TED Talks have been viewed over 20 million times, and his science-based self-help books have been translated into 26 languages. He also writes the Squeaky Wheel blog for PsychologyToday.com and has a private practice in New York City.

• mental health
• self-esteem

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• Benefits of Public Speaking →

How Public Speaking Improves Self-Esteem

Public speaking is an essential skill that not only enhances our communication abilities but also positively impacts our self-esteem. Despite being a common fear for many individuals, mastering the art of public speaking can provide numerous benefits in both personal and professional aspects of life.

In this blog post, we’ll explore the connection between public speaking and self-esteem, discuss how it empowers people to overcome their fears and anxieties, and share valuable tips to help you become a confident speaker.

Key Takeaways

• Public speaking can improve self – esteem by helping individuals overcome fears and anxieties related to speaking in front of others.
• Effective communication skills are crucial for public speaking, and developing these skills can lead to better personal and professional relationships, increased career opportunities, and enhanced mental health outcomes.
• To build self – esteem through public speaking, individuals should practice regularly and consistently, seek constructive feedback from trusted sources, focus on their strengths and unique qualities as speakers, and embrace imperfections while learning from mistakes.

The Connection Between Public Speaking And Self-Esteem

Public speaking and building self-esteem are interconnected as  overcoming fear and anxiety , developing effective communication skills, and building confidence can all lead to improved self-assurance.

Overcoming Fear And Anxiety

Overcoming fear and anxiety is a significant aspect of public speaking that contributes to improving your self-esteem. It’s natural for individuals to feel apprehensive when addressing an audience, but mastering this skill can propel personal growth and increase confidence.

For example, picture yourself giving a successful presentation where the audience applauds enthusiastically. This mental imagery can help you harness positivity and remain calm during your performance.

Moreover, adopting power poses and maintaining strong body language not only creates an impression of confidence for the audience but also assists in boosting your own self-assurance.

Building Confidence And Self-Assurance

Building confidence and self-assurance is a crucial aspect of improving one’s public speaking skills. When you step up in front of an audience, it can be daunting to capture their attention and connect with them effectively.

However, practicing regularly and seeking  constructive feedback  can help diminish the fear that often comes with public speaking.

One way to boost your confidence in public speaking is by focusing on body language. Maintaining eye contact, using hand gestures appropriately, and standing tall exude assertiveness, which helps engage your audience and keep nervousness at bay.

Another helpful technique that works well for many people is visualization; imagine yourself delivering a captivating speech or nailing a presentation before getting started.

Developing Effective Communication Skills

Developing  effective communication skills  is a crucial aspect of public speaking that can improve one’s self-esteem. Public speaking requires the ability to articulate thoughts and ideas clearly, which plays an essential role in building strong relationships, both personally and professionally.

To develop effective communication skills, public speakers need to focus on active listening , body language, persuasion techniques, and problem-solving skills. These skills help them connect with their audience while delivering a compelling message.

For instance, using persuasive language can make the audience engage more actively with the topic being presented.

Benefits Of Improving Self-Esteem Through Public Speaking

Improving self-esteem through public speaking can lead to better personal and professional relationships, increased career opportunities , and enhanced mental health and overall well-being.

Improved Personal And Professional Relationships

Improving your self-esteem through public speaking can have a direct impact on both your personal and professional relationships. With greater confidence, you’ll feel more comfortable expressing yourself and communicating effectively with others.

In the workplace, confident public speaking skills are highly prized. You’ll be better equipped to make presentations and deliver clear messages during meetings or negotiations.

Additionally, building a reputation as a strong communicator can help you connect with colleagues on a deeper level fostering positive working relationships that contribute to career growth opportunities.

Overall, improving your self-esteem through public speaking will improve all aspects of your social interactions including personal growth in areas like problem-solving skills and creativity while promoting effective communication leading to fulfilling relationship bonds throughout life and career achievements too!

Increased Career Opportunities

Public speaking can also lead to increased career opportunities. When you’re confident and skilled at public speaking, it can make you a more valuable asset in the workplace.

Many industries require effective communication skills, and being able to present your ideas confidently in front of an audience can set you apart from others. Public speaking skills are especially pertinent for those looking to advance into management or leadership positions, as they often need to communicate with large groups effectively.

Additionally, networking events and conferences provide ample opportunities for individuals who are comfortable with public speaking to connect with other professionals and potentially land their dream job.

Enhanced Mental Health And Overall Well-being

Building self-esteem through public speaking can have significant advantages for an individual’s mental health and overall well-being. As speakers gain confidence, they also reduce their anxiety levels associated with speaking in front of others.

This reduction can lead to a sense of calmness and decrease stress levels.

Public speakers often report experiencing decreased symptoms of depression and anxiety after gaining more exposure to speaking in front of an audience. A boost in self-assurance can translate into feelings of pride at personal growth, as well as increased motivation towards new opportunities like jobs or leadership roles that public speaking skills may open up for them.

In conclusion, building self-esteem through public speaking is beneficial not only for improving speeches but also for enhancing personal development and growth while achieving optimal mental health outcomes too!

Tips For Building Self-Esteem Through Public Speaking

Practice regularly and consistently to improve your presentation skills and overcome performance anxiety.

Practice Regularly And Consistently

Consistently practicing your public speaking can help you build confidence and improve your self-esteem. The more you practice, the more comfortable you become with the material, and the smoother your delivery will be.

One effective way to practice is by recording yourself giving a speech or presentation, then reviewing it to identify areas for improvement. You can also join a local public speaking group or club where you can practice in front of supportive peers who provide  constructive feedback .

Seek Constructive Feedback

One way to improve self-esteem through public speaking is by seeking constructive feedback. Feedback can be incredibly helpful in identifying areas for improvement and building confidence.

It’s important to seek out feedback from individuals who have experience in public speaking or are familiar with the topic at hand.

When receiving feedback, it’s essential to approach it with an open mind and a willingness to learn. Take note of both positive and negative feedback and use it as an opportunity for growth.

Additionally, seeking out feedback from trusted sources can also help combat the inner critic that often plagues those with low self-esteem.

Overall, seeking constructive feedback is an effective way to build self-esteem through public speaking.

Focus On Your Strengths And Unique Qualities

One of the best ways to build self-esteem through public speaking is by focusing on your strengths and unique qualities. Instead of trying to fit into a particular mold or style, use your natural abilities to connect with your audience.

By highlighting what makes you unique as a speaker, you’ll feel more confident in your ability to deliver a great presentation. It’s important not to compare yourself to others and their styles but focus on your own strengths instead.

Remember that everyone has something special about them, so find what makes you different from the rest and leverage it in your next speech or presentation.

Embrace Your Imperfections And Learn From Mistakes

As a public speaker, it’s essential to embrace your imperfections and learn from mistakes. No one is perfect, and even the most experienced speakers make mistakes on occasion.

Embracing your imperfections means accepting that you are human and will make mistakes. However, instead of dwelling on these mistakes or being overly critical of yourself, focus on what you can learn from them.

Learning from your past experiences can also help build confidence in your abilities as a speaker.

In conclusion, embracing imperfections and learning from mistakes is an essential aspect of building self-esteem as a public speaker.

Other Advantages Of Public Speaking Beyond Self-Esteem

Public speaking also enhances leadership skills, promotes social impact and influence , and facilitates personal and professional growth.

Improved Leadership Skills

Moreover, public speaking can also improve  leadership skills . Effective communication and leadership go hand in hand, and being a confident public speaker is an essential component of being a successful leader.

A great leader must be able to convey their ideas with clarity and conviction to inspire and motivate others . Public speaking provides an opportunity for individuals to practice this skill while developing their abilities as leaders.

According to research, improved communication skills through public speaking are linked directly to better problem-solving abilities which are central components of any strong leader’s toolkit.

Increased Social Impact And Influence

Improving your public speaking skills not only boosts your confidence but also increases your social impact and influence. Being a powerful speaker can help you connect with others on a deeper level, engendering trust and respect.

For example, imagine giving a speech about the importance of sustainability in business at an industry conference. Your eloquence and ability to convey complex ideas could catch the attention of influential people who share your values and might partner with you on future projects.

Ultimately, strong public speaking skills amplify your voice – they make it easier for you to be heard by more people in a variety of contexts.

Personal And Professional Growth And Fulfillment

When it comes to public speaking, personal and professional growth and fulfillment go hand in hand. As you improve your presentation skills and build confidence, you’ll also start to see a positive impact on other areas of your life.

For example, as you become more comfortable speaking in public, you may find yourself taking on leadership roles that require strong communication skills.

On the professional side, mastering public speaking can lead to increased opportunities for career advancement. Employers are often impressed by candidates who can speak confidently and persuasively in front of others.

Ultimately, though, the biggest reward of improving your public speaking skills is the sense of fulfillment that comes with overcoming a fear and achieving a goal.

Conclusion: Public Speaking Improves Self-Esteem

In conclusion, public speaking is more than just a skill, it’s an opportunity to build confidence and self-esteem. Overcoming fears and anxiety associated with speaking in front of people can be challenging but practicing regularly can help overcome the nerves.

Effective communication skills and leadership are important in any social interaction or workplace setting. Public speaking empowers individuals to express themselves creatively, improve their listening skills, problem-solving abilities, and assertiveness.

Confidence-building activities like seeking constructive feedback coupled with embracing strengths and seeking personal growth are essential components for anyone looking to become a better public speaker.

1. How does public speaking help improve self-esteem?

Public speaking helps to build confidence by allowing individuals to step out of their comfort zone and face fears, leading to a sense of accomplishment and increased self-worth. It also provides opportunities for personal growth, mastering new skills, and receiving positive feedback from others.

2. Is it common for people to feel nervous before public speaking?

Yes, it is very common for people to feel anxious or nervous before public speaking engagements because they fear being judged negatively by others. However, with practice comes experience which in turn helps alleviate those anxieties over time leading towards more effective communication.

3. Can practicing techniques like breathing exercises help reduce the anxiety associated with public speaking?

Yes, practicing techniques such as deep breathing exercises can be beneficial in reducing nerves and anxiety associated with public speaking engagements. It allows individuals to remain calm and focused while effectively communicating their message without feeling rushed or anxious.

4. What are some ways I can prepare myself mentally before a public speaking engagement?

Some tips on preparing yourself mentally before a speech include spending time reviewing your material ahead of time so you’re comfortable with what you’re going to say; engaging in stress-reducing activities such as exercise or meditation; visualizing success through envisioning yourself giving an excellent presentation that engages your audience while remaining calm throughout the process amidst its challenges or difficulties that may arise during the event itself; reminding yourself why you are doing this event (e.g., career advancement/education) which is often enough motivation for many successful speakers who overcome various hurdles along the way.

• Speech Topics For Kids
• Speech on Self Confidence

Speech on Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is believing in oneself. According to E.E. Cummings, “Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” Do you want to know more about self-confidence? Go through the following article, collect ample information regarding the topic, and share your thoughts with the world.

Table of Contents

Self-confidence speech in english, short speech on self-confidence, top quotes to use in a speech on self-confidence, frequently asked questions on self-confidence, sample speeches on self-confidence.

A few samples of speeches on self-confidence are given below. Go through these speeches and utilise them to improve your knowledge on the topic.

Self-confidence means having belief in oneself. It is the attitude developed by an individual based on one’s skills and abilities. Self-confidence is  important for a positive lifestyle. It helps you to develop trust in yourself and bring a sense of control to your life. An individual’s self-confidence gets boosted when one realises one’s own strengths and weaknesses. It helps in understanding one’s true self, and thus, develops an optimistic personality within the individual.

Let’s remember the words said by Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. Self-confidence is something that is developed internally. It helps an individual to set goals for winning in life. Low self-confidence results in self-doubt, which in turn, makes an individual feel inferior and sensitive to criticism. Unwanted doubts about oneself negatively affect one’s perception of life. It drags a person down and ultimately results in failures.

The aftereffects of different experiences shape the life of an individual. Unsupportive environment negatively affect the self-confidence of an individual. Obstacles are part of life; it is important to make sure that you never let those obstacles design your life. Work to counter such troubles and don’t dwell on failure. Learn from experiences; no master is better than them.

Self-confidence is undoubtedly the key to success. It makes a person feel independent, optimistic, and positive in life. With all these characteristics, a person can easily deal with difficult situations in life. Self-confidence helps an individual to successfully face day-to-day challenges and demands. People feel more motivated and energised when they are confident in their abilities. With this trait vested inside, people develop the strength to face all the challenges in their lives. The strength developed by the people pushes them to do more and achieve goals in life. As a result, it paves the way for happiness in an individual’s life.

There are multiple ways to improve self-confidence in a person. Try to recognise your strength and who you are. This is one of the major steps that can be taken to increase your self-confidence. Realise your abilities and learn to use them. Mark your progress and praise your efforts. List down all your abilities and things that you are confident to do. Perform a close analysis of the list and choose the things that you want to ameliorate.

Try to surround yourself with positive, successful people and experience the vibe generated by them. Express yourself. Always try to express your voice, feelings, and beliefs directly. You don’t need to feel guilty for expressing your thoughts and ideas.

Start believing in yourself. Self-confident people perceive themselves as the best. Perceptions greatly influence one’s life and shape their growth. “You become what you believe, not what you think or what you want.” These are the words told by Oprah Winfrey. So start believing in yourself, and live a life by acting on your beliefs.

• “With realisation of one’s own potential and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” – The Dalai Lama.
• “If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started.” – Cicero.
• “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.” – Marie Curie.
• “Trust yourself–you know more than you think you do.” – Benjamin Spock.
• “Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers, you cannot be successful or happy.” – Norman Vincent Peale.
• “Self-confidence can be learned, practised, and mastered–just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” – Barrie Davenport.
• “One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.” – Arthur Ashe.
• “Don’t waste your energy trying to change opinions … Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.” – Tina Fey.
• “The confidence which we have in ourselves gives birth to much of that which we have in others.” – François de la Rochefoucauld.
• “Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ­-Christopher Robin.

Why is self-confidence so important?

Self-confidence means having a belief in oneself. It is the attitude developed by an individual based on skills and abilities. Self-confidence is very important for a positive lifestyle. It helps you to develop trust for yourself and bring a sense of control to your life.

How can we improve self-confidence?

Try to recognise your strength and who you are. Start believing in yourself. Self-confident people perceive themselves as the best. Mark your progress and praise your efforts. List down all your abilities and things that you are confident to do. Perform a close analysis of the list and choose the things that you want to ameliorate.

List some quotes to use in a speech on self-confidence.

• “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and, above all, confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.” ­- Marie Curie.

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Nourishment of Self-esteem

How social media can crush your  self-esteem

Candidate au doctorat en psychologie, Université du Québec à Montréal (UQAM)

Disclosure statement

Sabrina Laplante does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

Université du Québec à Montréal (UQAM) provides funding as a founding partner of The Conversation CA-FR.

Université du Québec à Montréal (UQAM) provides funding as a member of The Conversation CA.

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We all have a natural tendency to compare ourselves to others, whether intentionally or not, online or offline. Such comparisons help us evaluate our own achievements , skills, personality and our emotions. This, in turn, influences how we see ourselves.

But what impact do these comparisons have on our well-being? It depends on how much comparing we do.

Comparing ourselves on social media to people who are worse off than we are makes us feel better . Comparing ourselves to people who are doing better than us, however, makes us feel inferior or inadequate instead . The social media platform we choose also affects our morale, as do crisis situations like the COVID-19 pandemic.

As a PhD student in psychology, I am studying incels — men who perceive the rejection of women as the cause of their involuntary celibacy. I believe that social comparison, which plays as much a role in these marginal groups as it does in the general population, affects our general well-being in the age of social media.

An optimal level of comparison

The degree of social comparison that individuals carry out is thought to affect the degree of motivation they have. According to a study by researchers at Ruhr University in Bochum, Germany, there is an optimal level of perceived difference between the self and others that maximizes the effects of social comparison.

Specifically, if we see ourselves as vastly superior to others, we will not be motivated to improve because we already feel that we are in a good position. Yet, if we perceive ourselves as very inferior, we will not be motivated to improve since the goal seems too difficult to achieve.

In other words, the researchers note, beyond or below the optimal level of perceived difference between oneself and another, a person no longer makes any effort. By perceiving oneself as inferior, the individual will experience negative emotions, guilt and lowered pride and self-esteem.

Unrealistic comparisons on social media

Social comparisons therefore have consequences both for our behaviour and for our psychological well-being. However, comparing yourself to others at a restaurant dinner does not necessarily have the same effect as comparing yourself to others on Facebook. It is easier to invent an exciting existence or embellish certain aspects of things on a social media platform than it is in real life .

The advent of social media, which allows us to share content where we always appear in our best light, has led many researchers to consider the possibility that this amplifies unrealistic comparisons.

Research shows that the more time people spend on Facebook and Instagram, the more they compare themselves socially. This social comparison is linked, among other things, to lower self-esteem and higher social anxiety.

A study conducted by researchers at the National University of Singapore explains these results by the fact that people generally present positive information about themselves on social media. They can also enhance their appearance by using filters, which create the impression that there is a big difference between themselves and others.

In turn, researchers working at Facebook observed that the more people looked at content where people were sharing positive aspects of their lives on the platform, the more likely they were to compare themselves to others .

COVID-19: Less negative social comparison

However, could the effect of this comparison in a particularly stressful context like the COVID-19 pandemic be different?

A study from researchers at Kore University in Enna, Italy, showed that before lockdowns, high levels of online social comparison were associated with greater distress, loneliness and a less satisfying life. But this was no longer the case during lockdowns .

One reason for this would be that by comparing themselves to others during the lockdown, people felt they were sharing the same difficult experience. That reduced the negative impact of social comparisons. So, comparing oneself to others online during difficult times can be a positive force for improving relationships and sharing feelings of fear and uncertainty.

A different effect depending on the social media

There are distinctions to be made depending on which social media platform a person is using. Researchers at the University of Lorraine, France, consider that social media platforms should not be all lumped together .

For example, the use of Facebook and Instagram is associated with lower well-being, while Twitter is associated with more positive emotions and higher life satisfaction. One possible explanation: Facebook and Instagram are known to be places for positive self-presentation, unlike Twitter, where it is more appropriate to share one’s real opinions and emotions.

Trying to get social support on social media during the COVID-19 pandemic may reactivate negative emotions instead of releasing them, depending on which social media platform a person is using.

Many things motivate us to compare ourselves socially. Whether we like it or not, social media exposes us to more of those motivations. Depending on the type of content that is being shared, whether it is positive or negative, we tend to refer to it when we are self-evaluating. Sharing content that makes us feel good about ourselves and garners praise from others is nice, but you have to consider the effect of these posts on others.

Yet overall, I believe that sharing your difficulties in words, pictures or videos can still have positive effects and bring psychological benefits.

This article was originally published in French

• Social media
• Relationships
• Life satisfaction
• Social anxiety disorder
• Coronavirus
• Self-esteem
• Uncertainty
• psychological well-being

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Self-Esteem

11 common disguises of people with low self-esteem, passivity, meanness, overachievement, and more..

Posted July 29, 2021 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

• What Is Self-Esteem?
• Find a therapist near me
• Passivity, generosity and other traits we dislike — or like — in others are often not ends in themselves but symptoms of low self-esteem.
• Low self-esteem's first "disguise" is pretending to be valid and true.
• Low self-esteem is a painful belief system; sufferers create habits, even entire lifestyles, based on managing those beliefs and that pain.
• Studies show that people with low self-esteem establish behaviors that protect themselves from the failure and rejection they fear and expect.

Rather than always manifest as lonely people staring sadly into mirrors, low self-esteem takes on strange disguises — such as passivity, even generosity .

It's sneaky that way.

Conditioned into brains mainly through trauma and abuse, self-hatred resembles — to users of those brains — the truth: I think I suck, therefore I suck.

This is its first disguise: pretending to be valid, right, innate.

Then it forces its captives into painful poses, even entire lifestyles, based on false beliefs.

Here are some of self-hatred's main disguises. They can have other causes, but it's crucial to know how often they spring from a sense of unworthiness. Have you observed them in others or yourself?

Passivity: Those who blame themselves for whatever does or even might go wrong often seek refuge in not doing anything. This stark arithmetic pervades low self-esteem: "The less I do, the less I can do wrong."

Isolation: Thinking that nobody could ever love or even like them (and that anyone who tries will flee in horror) some (who aren't natural introverts ) choose solitude, protecting themselves from perceived rejection.

Overachievement: A deep sense of inferiority drives some to "prove" their worthiness relentlessly in school, work, all aspects of life. But each accomplishment feels invalid, unearned: The drive persists, unquenched.

Procrastination : Studies show that people with low self-esteem delay tasks in order to escape being watched and judged. Often a self-fulfilling prophecy, this leads to chronic lateness, missed appointments, lost chances — and fights.

Perfectionism : As does overachievement, this springs from a belief that one is unworthy and thus must labor over even tiny tasks in order to gain some sense of acceptability, approvability, permission to exist.

Boredom : It's hard to feel intrigued by anything if one believes oneself unworthy of enjoyment. Dreading — and expecting — failure, loss or disappointment creates emotional flatlines.

Boringness: It's hard to seem intriguing if one believes oneself undistinguished, unattractive, unintelligent — especially if one has been shamed or abused for "talking too much," "showing off" and/or " attention -seeking."

Underachievement: Trying, not-quite-succeeding, then being mocked or punished for their efforts trains some people to always aim low, expecting just as little as they believe they deserve. No gain, but hey — no pain.

Indecisiveness: Having been blamed too often or too harshly for the effects of their various choices on themselves and others, some choose not to choose. Some parlay this as politeness: "Never mind me. You decide."

Generosity: Yes, it's a virtue. But it can mask a sense of inadequacy for which some try to "compensate" by lavishing others with gifts, attention, money, or time. But studies show that people with low self-esteem tend to regret such sacrifices, which yet further lowers their self-esteem.

Meanness: That snippy, snarky, wicked critic, castigator, or complainer might employ the same reflexes as a wounded creature: scratch, sting, bite; attack to overcompensate for real or perceived weakness.

These disguises aim to manage pain. This is self-hatred's driving force: a suffering that feels eternal yet deserved. Its captives lurch through life trying to dodge or soothe it while involuntarily creating more.

And these disguises can lead to misdiagnoses. They are not causes; they are effects. How often, seeing just such symptoms and not searching further, do we mistreat others or ourselves?

Facebook image: Krakenimages.com/Shutterstock

S. Rufus is the author, under the byline Anneli Rufus, of books including Party of One and Stuck.

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Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, or the opinion you have about yourself. Everyone has times when they feel a bit low or find it hard to believe in themselves. However, if this becomes a long-term situation, this can lead to problems, including mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. Some of the symptoms of low self-esteem can also be a sign of these problems.

Self-esteem is often the result of a lifetime of experiences, and particularly what happened to us as children. However, it is possible to improve your self-esteem at any age. This page provides more information about self-esteem, and some actions that you can take to improve it.

Understanding Self-Esteem

Some people think of self-esteem as their inner voice (or self-dialogue ) – the voice that tells you whether you are good enough to do or achieve something.

Self-esteem is actually about how we value ourselves, and our perceptions about who we are and what we are capable of.

Self-esteem is not about ability

Self-esteem is often not associated with either your own ability, or other people’s perceptions of you.

It is quite possible for someone who is good at something to have poor self-esteem. Conversely, someone who struggles with a particular task might generally have good self-esteem.

People with good self-esteem generally feel positive about themselves, and about life. This makes them much more resilient , and better able to cope with life’s ups and downs.

Those with poor self-esteem , however, are often much more critical of themselves. They find it harder to bounce back from challenges and setbacks. This may lead them to avoid difficult situations. That can, however, actually decrease their self-esteem still further, because they feel even worse about themselves as a result.

A lack of self-esteem can therefore influence how people behave, not to mention what they achieve in their lives.

You may find it interesting to read our page The Importance of Mindset for more about how attitude influences behaviour.

Why Do People Experience Low Self-Esteem?

There are many reasons why someone might have low self-esteem. However, it often starts in childhood, perhaps with a feeling that you were unable to live up to expectations. It can also be the result of adult experiences such as a difficult relationship, either personal or at work.

Self-esteem, domestic violence and abuse

The victims of domestic violence and abuse often have low self-esteem.

This may be because their abuser has spent time belittling them and making them feel bad about themselves, reducing their self-esteem. However, it may also be that their low self-esteem made them more vulnerable to being abused because they did not feel that they were valuable.

Nobody should have to suffer from abuse or violence.

If you, or anyone you know, is in this situation, you should seek help.

• In the UK, sources of help include Childline , telephone 0800 1111, the NSPCC , and the National Domestic Violence Helpline , 0808 2000 247.
• In the US, Government advice is that you can call the Domestic Violence Hotline on 800-799-SAFE (7233).

Stressful life events, such as a divorce or bereavement, can also have negative effects on your self-esteem.

Improving Your Self-Esteem

There are a number of ways in which you can improve your self-esteem.

1. Identify and Challenge Your Negative Beliefs

The first step is to identify, and then challenge, your negative beliefs about yourself.

Notice your thoughts about yourself. For example, you might find yourself thinking ‘ I’m not clever enough to do that’ or ‘ I have no friends’ . When you do, look for evidence that contradicts those statements. Write down both statement and evidence, and keep looking back at it to remind yourself that your negative beliefs about yourself are not true.

2. Identify the Positive About Yourself

It is also a good idea to write down positive things about yourself, such as being good at a sport, or nice things that people have said about you. When you start to feel low, look back at these things, and remind yourself that there is plenty of good about you.

In general, positive internal dialogue is a big part of improving your self-esteem.

If you catch yourself saying things like ‘ I’m not good enough ’ or ‘ I’m a failure ’, you can start to turn things around by saying ‘ I can beat this ’ and ‘ I can become more confident by viewing myself in a more positive way ’.

To begin with you will catch yourself falling back into old negative habits, but with regular effort you can start to feel more positive and build your self-esteem as well.

3. Build Positive Relationships—and Avoid Negative Ones

You will probably find that there are certain people—and certain relationships—that make you feel better than others.

If there are people who make you feel bad about yourself, try to avoid them.

Build relationships with people who make you feel good about yourself and avoid the relationships that drag you down.

4. Give Yourself a Break

You don’t have to be perfect every hour of every day. You don’t even have to feel good about yourself all the time.

Self-esteem varies from situation to situation, from day to day and hour to hour. Some people feel relaxed and positive with friends and colleagues, but uneasy and shy with strangers. Others may feel totally in command of themselves at work but struggle socially (or vice versa).

Give yourself a break. We all have times when we feel a bit down or find it harder to maintain our self-belief.

The key is not to be too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself, and not too critical.

Avoid criticising yourself to others, because this can reinforce your negative views—and also give other people a (possibly false) negative opinion of you.

You can help to boost your self-esteem by giving yourself a treat whenever you succeed in doing something hard, or just for managing a particularly bad day.

5. Become More Assertive and Learn to Say No

People with low self-esteem often find it hard to stand up for themselves or say no to others.

This means that they may become over-burdened at home or at work, because they do not like to refuse anyone anything. However, this can increase stress , and make it even harder to manage.

Developing your assertiveness can therefore help to improve your self-esteem. Sometimes acting as if you believed in yourself can actually help to increase self-belief!

Our pages on Assertiveness provide more information about this, including how to improve your assertiveness.

6. Improve Your Physical Health

It is much easier to feel good about ourselves when we are fit and healthy.

However, people with low self-esteem often neglect themselves, because they do not feel that they ‘deserve’ to be looked after.

Try taking more exercise, eating well, and getting enough sleep. It is also a good idea to make time to relax and to do something that you want to do, rather than something that someone else expects you to do. You may find that simple changes like this can make a huge difference to your overall outlook.

You may like to read our pages on The Importance of Exercise , Diet, Health and Nutrition , What is Sleep? and The Importance of Sleep for more information. You might also like our page on Relaxation Techniques .

7. Take On Challenges

People with low self-esteem often avoid challenging and difficult situations.

One way to improve your self-esteem can actually be to take on a challenge. This doesn’t mean that you need to do everything yourself—part of the challenge might be to seek help when you need it—but be prepared to try something that you know will be difficult to achieve.

By succeeding, you show yourself that you can achieve.

This challenges your negative beliefs and will therefore improve your self-esteem.

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The second edition of or bestselling eBook is ideal for anyone who wants to improve their skills and learning potential, and it is full of easy-to-follow, practical information.

The Importance of Small Steps

It is very unlikely that you will go from poor to good self-esteem overnight.

Instead, you will probably find you make small improvements over a period of time. The key is to look over the long term, rather than day-to-day, and focus on the big picture, not the detail of how you felt at a particular moment yesterday.

When you feel good, or you do something good, celebrate it—but don’t beat yourself up if you occasionally slip back into negative patterns of thinking. Just pick yourself up again and try to think more positively. Eventually, this will become a habit and you will find that your self-esteem has quietly got better.

Continue to: Building Confidence What’s Stressing You Out? Quiz

See also: Exercises to Boost Your Self-Esteem What is Bullying? Positive Body Image 7 Things You Need to Know Before You’re Truly Independent 7 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem How to Build Workplace Confidence

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• Advice for schools

Top tips for supporting self-esteem in speech therapy

Speech and language therapy does tend to involve practising something that you find difficult over and over again. No-one enjoys doing that! It is particularly difficult if you realise that it is something other people seem to manage effortlessly, but you really struggle with it. It’s so important that we support children’s self-esteem while they are going through the process. It’s our responsibility to make sessions as fun as possible to motivate the children to participate and to put in strategies where we can to reduce the frustration that they can feel day to day.

Here are some tips to do that:-

• Recognise that this is hard! This sounds like a small thing but it is huge and often the thing that makes the biggest difference! Sometimes it can be easy to forget how difficult this skill is for them to learn. For example, if a child can say “fff”, it can seem like a really small step to say “fish” or “five”. However, it isn’t! If the child you are working with can’t do it, it’s unlikely to be because they are not trying. They may well be doing the best that they can – the next step is just too tricky right now! Tell them that you know it is hard and praise them for trying – regularly! Trying your best is all that you can ask from anyone! • Keep it engaging!   Use games, stickers, stampers, bubbles, anything that keeps the sessions fun. I motivate kids with fun things to get them to do what I need them to. I reward young children with a sticker at the end of the session, but I build in mini-rewards all the time – they can take a turn at a favourite game every time they try or maybe once they have done the game I have chosen, they might get to choose the next one. Rewards are motivating and help the child to know that you are aware that they are doing their best. • Help and support the child. Now, I’m not suggesting that you do everything for them as obviously they need to learn how to do it. However, if they are struggling, prompt and support them. We have some posts on how to prompt here and here . For example, if the child is struggling with a sound, I might use a sign for the sound, or make the mouth shape myself to get them partway there. Do anything you can to enable the child to have success most of the time. • Review your targets regularly. If your child is struggling with the practise work every single time, then maybe the skill is too hard and they are not ready yet. Consider changing the focus on moving back a step. Failing every time they try does not support anyone’s self-esteem or encourage them to keep on trying! • Focus on things that they are good at. Of course some time (ideally every day) needs to go into practising speech and language skills. However, don’t overdo it either. Don’t pick the child up on it every single time they make a mistake – have particular practise times but outside of those make sure that most of the time, you are focussing on what the child is saying not how they are saying it. Spend time on things they are good at and enjoy and praise them for that as well. • Allow for a bad day! We all have bad days. Some days I can write clear, succinct reports (and blog posts) really quickly. Other days it takes me lots more attempts to get across what I want to say clearly! Some days I’m tired, or feel ill or hungry or distracted! Kids are just the same. As with any type of learning, some days will be better than others and it may feel like you are taking two steps forward and one step back at times. This is life- stay positive, don’t push too hard and try again another day if it becomes clear that the child has had enough. • Give them time and space. Recognise that a child with speech and language difficulties is likely to need more time to understand or get their message across. Try to give them this time whenever you can. (I know this can be a challenge in a busy classroom!) Sometimes the whole thing might just become a bit overwhelming and they just need a break from the whole situation. This is ok and can be the most important thing for them right now.

What else do you do to support children’s self-esteem when you are working with them? It’s such an important thing to do – I’m always looking for new ideas.

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Guest Essay

The Happiness Gap Between Left and Right Isn’t Closing

By Thomas B. Edsall

Mr. Edsall contributes a weekly column from Washington, D.C., on politics, demographics and inequality.

Why is it that a substantial body of social science research finds that conservatives are happier than liberals?

A partial answer: Those on the right are less likely to be angered or upset by social and economic inequities, believing that the system rewards those who work hard, that hierarchies are part of the natural order of things and that market outcomes are fundamentally fair.

Those on the left stand in opposition to each of these assessments of the social order, prompting frustration and discontent with the world around them.

The happiness gap has been with us for at least 50 years, and most research seeking to explain it has focused on conservatives. More recently, however, psychologists and other social scientists have begun to dig deeper into the underpinnings of liberal discontent — not only unhappiness but also depression and other measures of dissatisfaction.

One of the findings emerging from this research is that the decline in happiness and in a sense of agency is concentrated among those on the left who stress matters of identity, social justice and the oppression of marginalized groups.

There is, in addition, a parallel phenomenon taking place on the right as Donald Trump and his MAGA loyalists angrily complain of oppression by liberals who engage in a relentless vendetta to keep Trump out of the White House.

There is a difference in the way the left and right react to frustration and grievance. Instead of despair, the contemporary right has responded with mounting anger, rejecting democratic institutions and norms.

In a 2021 Vox article, “ Trump and the Republican Revolt Against Democracy ,” Zack Beauchamp described in detail the emergence of destructive and aggressive discontent among conservatives.

Citing a wide range of polling data and academic studies, Beauchamp found:

More than twice as many Republicans (39 percent) as Democrats (17 percent) believed that “if elected leaders won’t protect America, the people must act — even if that means violence.”

Fifty-seven percent of Republicans considered Democrats to be “enemies,” compared with 41 percent of Democrats who viewed Republicans as “enemies.”

Among Republicans, support for “the use of force to defend our way of life,” as well as for the belief that “strong leaders bend rules” and that “sometimes you have to take the law in your own hands,” grows stronger in direct correlation with racial and ethnic hostility.

Trump has repeatedly warned of the potential for political violence. In January he predicted bedlam if the criminal charges filed in federal and state courts against him damaged his presidential campaign:

I think they feel this is the way they’re going to try and win, and that’s not the way it goes. It’ll be bedlam in the country. It’s a very bad thing. It’s a very bad precedent. As we said, it’s the opening of a Pandora’s box.

Before he was indicted in New York, Trump claimed there would be “potential death and destruction” if he was charged.

At an Ohio campaign rally in March, Trump declared, “If I don’t get elected, it’s going to be a blood bath for the whole country.”

In other words, Trump and his allies respond to adversity and what they see as attacks from the left with threats and anger, while a segment of the left often but not always responds to adversity and social inequity with dejection and sorrow.

There are significant consequences for this internalization.

Jamin Halberstadt , a professor of psychology at the University of Otago in New Zealand and a co-author of “ Outgroup Threat and the Emergence of Cohesive Groups : A Cross-Cultural Examination,” argued in his emailed reply to my inquiry that because “a focus on injustice and victimhood is, by definition, disempowering (isn’t that why we talk of ‘survivors’ rather than ‘victims’?), loss of control is not good for self-esteem or happiness.”

But, he pointed out:

this focus, while no doubt a part of the most visible and influential side of progressive ideology, is still just a part. Liberalism is a big construct, and I’m reluctant to reduce it to a focus on social justice issues. Some liberals have this view, but I suspect their influence is outsized because (a) they have the social media megaphone and (b) we are in a climate in which freedom of expression and, in particular, challenges to the worldview you characterize have been curtailed.

Expanding on this line of argument, Halberstadt wrote:

I’m sure some self-described liberals have views that are counterproductive to their own happiness. One sub-ideology associated with liberalism is, as you describe, a sense of victimhood and grievance. But there is more than one way to respond to structural barriers. Within that group of the aggrieved, some probably see systemic problems that cannot be overcome, and that’s naturally demoralizing and depressing. But others see systemic problems as a challenge to overcome.

Taking Halberstadt’s assessment of the effects of grievance and victimhood a step farther, Timothy A. Judge , the chairman of the department of management and human resources at Notre Dame, wrote in a 2009 paper, “ Core Self-Evaluations and Work Success ”:

Core self-evaluations (C.S.E.) is a broad, integrative trait indicated by self-esteem, locus of control, generalized self-efficacy and (low) neuroticism (high emotional stability). Individuals with high levels of C.S.E. perform better on their jobs, are more successful in their careers, are more satisfied with their jobs and lives, report lower levels of stress and conflict, cope more effectively with setbacks and better capitalize on advantages and opportunities.

I asked Judge and other scholars a question: Have liberal pessimists fostered an outlook that spawns unhappiness as its adherents believe they face seemingly insurmountable structural barriers?

Judge replied by email:

I do share the perspective that a focus on status, hierarchies and institutions that reinforce privilege contributes to an external locus of control. And the reason is fairly straightforward. We can only change these things through collective and, often, policy initiatives — which tend to be complex, slow, often conflictual and outside our individual control. On the other hand, if I view “life’s chances” (Virginia Woolf’s term) to be mostly dependent on my own agency, this reflects an internal focus, which will often depend on enacting initiatives largely within my control.

Judge elaborated on his argument:

If our predominant focus in how we view the world is social inequities, status hierarchies, societal unfairness conferred by privilege, then everyone would agree that these things are not easy to fix, which means, in a sense, we must accept some unhappy premises: Life isn’t fair; outcomes are outside my control, often at the hands of bad, powerful actors; social change depends on collective action that may be conflictual; an individual may have limited power to control their own destiny, etc. These are not happy thoughts because they cause me to view the world as inherently unfair, oppressive, conflictual, etc. It may or may not be right, but I would argue that these are in fact viewpoints of how we view the world, and our place in it, that would undermine our happiness.

Last year, George Yancey , a professor of sociology at Baylor University, published “ Identity Politics, Political Ideology, and Well-Being : Is Identity Politics Good for Our Well-Being?”

Yancey argued that recent events “suggest that identity politics may correlate to a decrease in well-being, particularly among young progressives, and offer an explanation tied to internal elements within political progressiveness.”

By focusing on “political progressives, rather than political conservatives,” Yancey wrote, “a nuanced approach to understanding the relationship between political ideology and well-being begins to emerge.”

Identity politics, he continued, focuses “on external institutional forces that one cannot immediately alleviate.” It results in what scholars call the externalization of one’s locus of control, or viewing the inequities of society as a result of powerful if not insurmountable outside forces, including structural racism, patriarchy and capitalism, as opposed to believing that individuals can overcome such obstacles through hard work and collective effort.

As a result, Yancey wrote, “identity politics may be an important mechanism by which progressive political ideology can lead to lower levels of well-being.”

Conversely, Yancey pointed out, “a class-based progressive cognitive emphasis may focus less on the group identity, generating less of a need to rely on emotional narratives and dichotomous thinking and may be less likely to be detrimental to the well-being of a political progressive.”

Yancey tested this theory using data collected in the 2021 Baylor Religion Survey of 1,232 respondents.

“Certain types of political progressive ideology can have contrasting effects on well-being,” Yancey wrote. “It is plausible that identity politics may explain the recent increase well-being gap between conservatives and progressives.”

Oskari Lahtinen , a senior researcher in psychology at the University of Turku in Finland, published a study in March, “ Construction and Validation of a Scale for Assessing Critical Social Justice Attitudes ,” that reinforces Yancey’s argument.

Lahtinen conducted two surveys of a total of 5,878 men and women to determine the share of Finnish citizens who held “critical social justice attitudes” and how those who held such views differed from those who did not.

Critical social justice proponents, on Lahtinen’s scale,

point out varieties of oppression that cause privileged people (e.g., male, white, heterosexual, cisgender) to benefit over marginalized people (e.g., woman, Black, gay, transgender). In critical race theory, some of the core tenets include that (1) white supremacy and racism are omnipresent and colorblind policies are not enough to tackle them, (2) people of color have their own unique standpoint and (3) races are social constructs.

What did Lahtinen find?

The critical social justice propositions encountered

strong rejection from men. Women expressed more than twice as much support for the propositions. In both studies, critical social justice was correlated modestly with depression, anxiety, and (lack of) happiness, but not more so than being on the political left was.

In an email responding to my inquiries about his paper, Lahtinen wrote that one of the key findings in his research was that “there were large differences between genders in critical social justice advocacy: Three out of five women but only one out of seven men expressed support for the critical social justice claims.”

In addition, he pointed out, “there was one variable in the study that closely corresponded to external locus of control: ‘Other people or structures are more responsible for my well-being than I myself am.’”

The correlation between agreement with this statement and unhappiness was among the strongest in the survey:

People on the left endorsed this item (around 2 on a scale of 0 to 4) far more than people on the right (around 0.5). Endorsing the belief was determined by political party preference much more than by gender, for instance.

Such measures as locus of control, self-esteem, a belief in personal agency and optimism all play major roles in daily life.

In a December 2022 paper, “ The Politics of Depression : Diverging Trends in Internalizing Symptoms Among U.S. Adolescents by Political Beliefs,” Catherine Gimbrone , Lisa M. Bates , Seth Prins and Katherine M. Keyes , all at Columbia’s Mailman School of Public Health, noted that “trends in adolescent internalizing symptoms diverged by political beliefs, sex and parental education over time, with female liberal adolescents experiencing the largest increases in depressive symptoms, especially in the context of demographic risk factors, including parental education.”

“These findings,” they added, “indicate a growing mental health disparity between adolescents who identify with certain political beliefs. It is therefore possible that the ideological lenses through which adolescents view the political climate differentially affect their mental well-being.”

Gimbrone and her co-authors based their work on studies of 85,000 teenagers from 2005 to 2018. They found that

while internalizing symptom scores worsened over time for all adolescents, they deteriorated most quickly for female liberal adolescents. Beginning in approximately 2010 and continuing through 2018, female liberal adolescents reported the largest changes in depressive affect, self-esteem, self-derogation and loneliness.

In conclusion, the authors wrote, “socially underprivileged liberals reported the worst internalizing symptom scores over time, likely indicating that the experiences and beliefs that inform a liberal political identity are ultimately less protective against poor mental health than those that inform a conservative political identity.”

From another vantage point, Nick Haslam , a professor of psychology at the University of Melbourne, argued in his 2020 paper “ Harm Inflation: Making Sense of Concept Creep ” that recent years have seen “a rising sensitivity to harm within at least some Western cultures, such that previously innocuous or unremarked phenomena were increasingly identified as harmful and that this rising sensitivity reflected a politically liberal moral agenda.”

As examples, Haslam wrote that the definition of “trauma” has been

progressively broadened to include adverse life events of decreasing severity and those experienced vicariously rather than directly. “Mental disorder” came to include a wider range of conditions, so that new forms of psychopathology were added in each revision of diagnostic manuals and the threshold for diagnosing some existing forms was lowered. “Abuse” extended from physical acts to verbal and emotional slights and incorporated forms of passive neglect in addition to active aggression.

Haslam described this process as concept creep and argued that “some examples of concept creep are surely the work of deliberate actors who might be called expansion entrepreneurs.”

Concept expansion, Haslam wrote, “can be used as a tactic to amplify the perceived seriousness of a movement’s chosen social problem.” In addition, “such expansion can be effective means of enhancing the perceived seriousness of a social problem or threat by increasing the perceived prevalence of both ‘victims’ and ‘perpetrators.’”

Haslam cited studies showing that strong “correlates of holding expansive concepts of harm were compassion-related trait values, left-liberal political attitudes and forms of morality associated with both.” Holding expansive concepts of harm was also “associated with affective and cognitive empathy orientation and most strongly of all with endorsement of harm- and fairness-based morality.” Many of these characteristics are associated with the political left.

“The expansion of harm-related concepts has implications for acceptable self-expression and free speech,” Haslam wrote. “Creeping concepts enlarge the range of expressions judged to be unacceptably harmful, thereby increasing calls for speech restrictions. Expansion of the harm-related concepts of hate and hate speech exemplifies this possibility.”

While much of the commentary on the progressive left has been critical, Haslam takes a more ambivalent position: “Sometimes concept creep is presented in an exclusively negative frame,” he wrote, but that fails to address the “positive implications. To that end, we offer three positive consequences of the phenomenon.”

The first is that expansionary definitions of harm “can be useful in drawing attention to harms previously overlooked. Consider the vertical expansion of abuse to include emotional abuse.”

Second, “concept creep can prevent harmful practices by modifying social norms.” For example, “changing definitions of bullying that include social exclusion and antagonistic acts expressed horizontally rather than only downward in organizational hierarchies may also entrench norms against the commission of destructive behavior.”

And finally:

The expansion of psychology’s negative concepts can motivate interventions aimed at preventing or reducing the harms associated with the newly categorized behaviors. For instance, the conceptual expansion of addiction to include behavioral addictions (e.g., gambling and internet addictions) has prompted a flurry of research into treatment options, which has found that a range of psychosocial treatments can be successfully used to treat gambling, internet and sexual addictions.

Judge suggested an approach to this line of inquiry that he believed might offer a way for liberalism to regain its footing:

I would like to think that there is a version of modern progressivism that accepts many of the premises of the problem and causes of inequality but does so in a way that also celebrates the power of individualism, of consensus and of common cause. I know this is perhaps naïve. But if we give in to cynicism (that consensus can’t be found), that’s self-reinforcing, isn’t it? I think about the progress on how society now views sexual orientation and the success stories. The change was too slow, painful for many, but was there any other way?

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here's our email: [email protected] .

Follow the New York Times Opinion section on Facebook , Instagram , TikTok , WhatsApp , X and Threads .

Thomas B. Edsall has been a contributor to the Times Opinion section since 2011. His column on strategic and demographic trends in American politics appears every Wednesday. He previously covered politics for The Washington Post. @ edsall

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Lou the Big Horned Rhino: A Funny Rhyming Children's Book About Positive Self Esteem Kindle Edition

• Reading age 3 - 9 years
• Language English
• Publication date August 20, 2023
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Beautiful Illustrations

William Velasco's amazing art is full of whimsical characters and colorful details.

Product details

• ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0CDR3157K
• Publisher ‏ : ‎ Moose Productions (August 20, 2023)
• Publication date ‏ : ‎ August 20, 2023
• Language ‏ : ‎ English
• File size ‏ : ‎ 14930 KB
• Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
• Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Not enabled
• Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
• X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
• Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
• Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
• #6 in Children's Mammal Books (Kindle Store)
• #26 in Children's Humorous Action & Adventure
• #43 in Children's Mammal Books (Books)

About the author

Papa Moose was raised on a steady diet of comic books, Saturday morning cartoons, and video games. His favorite creators include Bill Watterson, Doctor Seuss, "Jolly" Roger Bradfield and his father, Hugh. He lives in Northwest Indiana with his awesome wife and two amazing children.

Visit Papa Moose at www.papamoosebooks.com. Be sure to sign up for the Papa Moose newsletter for sneak peeks and new book announcements!

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Try the no-prep way to teach Advocating for Yourself

Take the prepwork out of teaching essential social-emotional skills with Everyday Speech! Subscribe to access step-by-step curriculum and over 1,000 videos, games, and more.

Advocating for Yourself

There are many situations in life where we attempt to get our needs met by asking or making a request. Learners practice choosing the correct time, place, and words for common requests such as requesting the bathroom, telling someone you’re sick, asking permission to take breaks, and requesting academic help.

Preview an SEL skills lesson: Advocating for Yourself

[INTRODUCTION – animated scene]

Narrator: Sometimes, other people might do things we find distracting or annoying. 

Girl 1: (Chewing and popping bubble gum.) 

Girl 2: (Annoyed) 

Narrator: Other people don’t always know what they are doing is bothering us. If someone is doing something that is annoying us and we can’t ignore it, we should remain calm and politely let them know that what they are doing is bothering us. We should always remember to thank the other person when they change their behavior.

Girl 2: Can you please stop? Thank you.

Narrator: If something is bothering us and it’s too big to ignore, we can: Stay calm; Politely ask the person to stop what they’re doing and explain why; Say thank you after they stop. Let’s see what it looks like when Liz needs to tell Madison that something is bothering her.

[SCENE 1 – Friend’s House, Liz and Madison are both working]

Madison: (taps left foot loudly)

Liz: (internal thought) It’s really hard to get work done while Madison is tapping her foot. I wonder if I should say anything. It’s important to finish my work, so I guess I should tell her it’s bothering me.

Liz: Hey, Madison. Could you be a little quieter? I’m having trouble working while you’re tapping your foot.

Madison: (Smiling) Oh sure, sorry. I didn’t even notice I was doing it.

Liz: Thanks!

[FROM MY VIEW]

Liz: (voice over) If something is bothering me and it’s too big to ignore, like not being able to get homework done, I can politely ask the person to stop.

[SKILLS REVIEW]

Narrator: When someone is doing something that bothers us, it’s important to let them know in a polite way. First, we get the person’s attention. Next, we ask them to stop doing the action that is bothering us. And we tell them what was bothering us in a polite way. Because they might not have known that it bothered us. Last, we always say thank you to them.

[WHAT DID WE LEARN?]

Narrator: So, what did we learn? If something is bothering us, we can: Stay calm; Politely ask the person to stop what they’re doing and explain why; Say thank you after they stop.

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