do the write thing challenge essay examples

Do the Write Thing Challenge 2021

The District is in the grips of a violence epidemic. With lives at risk, we need a comprehensive, “all-hands on deck” response from leaders across the District—and that includes the young people who see the impacts of this crisis up close.

That’s the idea behind the “Do the Write Thing Challenge,” a national essay contest that gives middle school students the chance to speak out about how violence affects their lives, and share their ideas about what we all must do to stop it. By elevating their thinking around how to end gun violence and create a safe city that supports their hopes and dreams, we can offer them new pathways to begin the healing process. In turn, when a student writes about how they are afraid to go to sleep because they hear gunshots that make them stay up all night, their words obligate us to stop, listen, and act.

Below are more details about the program, along with a link where youth can submit their essays online. All essayists—along with their principals, teachers, and family—will be invited to a recognition celebration at the Office of the Attorney General (OAG) in April 2021.

Final submissions are due on June 4, 2021 by 11:59 p.m.

Please join OAG in encouraging our youth to participate in the Do the Write Thing Challenge and help us elevate their ideas to end violence and make the District safer.

Click here to submit an essay for the "Do the Write Thing" Challenge.

National contest rules/instructions.

2020-2021 Contest Instructions
2020-2021 Essay Submission Cover Page

Classroom Resources

2020-2021 Chairman's Letter to Principals
2020-2021 Chairman's Letter to Teachers
Benefits of the Do the Write Thing Challenge
How the Do the Write Thing Challenge can change minds

OAG’s 2019 Finalists

2019-2020 Do the Write Thing Challenge winning essays: Tyler Willis and Amari Edmonds
2019-2020 Do the Write Thing Challenge essay excerpts
IN THE NEWS: Finding a Solution to Gun Violence: D.C. Students Win Anti-violence Essay Contest (WJLA)

DtWT-Can-Change-Minds.pdf

DtWT-Benefits.pdf

2021-DTWT-Principal-Letter 2021.pdf

2021-DTWT-Middle-School-Teachers-Letter.pdf

2020-DTWT-Winner-Willis.pdf

2020-DTWT-Winner-Edmonds.pdf

2021-DTWT-Standard-Instructions.pdf

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'Do the Write Thing' essay winners

The “Do the Write Thing” challenge is a nationwide program that gives middle school students an opportunity to examine the impact of youth violence on their lives. Through classroom discussion and essays, students communicate what they think should be done to reduce youth violence. In addition, they make a personal commitment to actively address violence in their school, home or community.

The essays addressed three questions:

How has youth violence and drug abuse affected my life?

What are the causes of youth violence?

What can I do about youth violence?

This is the first year that the program has been conducted in Asheville. The program was a partnership of Asheville City Schools, Buncombe County Schools, the US Attorney’s Office, the Asheville Police Department and Buncombe County Sheriff’s Office.

The two winning students, their teacher and a parent will take a trip to Washington, D.C. this summer and have their essay placed in the Library of Congress.

Essay By Jordan Gillespie

People all over the world come in contact with violence every day. In my opinion I think that our youth today is very cruel with their words: on the internet, at school, and even at home. I’m a victim of social violence, known to most people as bullying. I’m a larger person than an average seventh-grader; I’m 5’7-5’8 and I weigh about 170 pounds. I’ve always been a large child for my age, and I’ve been made fun of my whole life just for how I look; my height, and my weight. My last name is a southern name, and a boy in class from fifth-grade called me a lesbian because I hugged one of my best friends that was a girl. He decided to collide “lesbian” with my last name Gillespie, and he came up with Gill-lesbian. I was so hurt that day I went home and cried for a couple hours. This year, I was sitting at the lunch table with my friends and someone asked

“Can I have that sandwich?” That person had already had two sandwiches and I hadn’t even started eating.

I told him “No.”

“Why won’t you just give me that?”

“Because I’m hungry.”

“You’re such a fatty, you probably eat all the time.”

After that, I haven’t eaten lunch at school since that day.

My story is one in a million. It’s not okay for this to keep happening to me or other kids. Social violence has had a huge impact on my life. I used to cry for hours after school because of what kids had said to me. I don’t like eating in front of people anymore, and I don’t like talking about food because I’m afraid of what kids will say about me. If a teacher gives out candy for answering questions in class and I know the answer, I won’t raise my hand to answer the question. If the teacher just gives us food I won’t eat it; I give to someone else. I’m afraid of getting called all those names that people think apply to me.

I think that social violence is caused by children who want to make themselves feel better about themselves because they might have been a victim of some kind of violence as well, but don’t know how to express it. Some children have never been taught what not to say or they've heard their friends say those mean things and think it’s okay. My last thought on how social violence is caused is the human race can be just downright cruel.

In my opinion we can fix social violence but, only for some, because some people are cruel and don’t care about anyone but themselves. One of the ways I think we could fix social violence is having different exercises in the classroom that you could say something nice about one another. Another thing is that if the teachers see or hear about someone getting bullied they need to stop it immediately. I’ve seen a few situations where a teacher is standing there listening to a child being violated socially and does nothing about it; it tells the bully indirectly that it’s okay to keep bullying that person or anyone else. The last thing is that we need more programs and safe environments that children can speak out about these attacks. As I said before my story is one in a million; many people all over the world come in contact with violence every day. It needs to be stopped.

Violence, Violence, Violence, Violence by Rontae Harper

Violence, violence, violence, violence

If you do that while you're young you’ll be put in silence.

See, that’s not how life works;

When you get older you’ll be in big trouble or your career is over.

Yea, violence can leave you with a fine;

it can also leave you with a big bond.

It can lead you behind bars for a long time.

See, violence is bullying, cursing, arguing, or fusing;

shooting, killing, guns, stealing, and whatever else.

The ones in violence are like ice cream that melts.

Lookup violence on the internet, but not on Wikipedia.

Be careful online, especially social media.

Think positively.

Act responsibly.

To stop violence, play sports or play jazz.

Look into the future.

Don’t look into your past.

In order to change, you have to find the right door.

Violence just upsets people and makes them sore.

If you commit violence, you're going down;

you need to come up and fix your frown.

Otherwise, you’ll be like a dog in the pound,

just sitting there looking like a clown.

I’m just asking,

turn your life around.

Violence can be playing with flames;

it has affected my life with movies and games.

It probably starts with guns and gangs.

To stop violence, you need to meet it;

just treat people how you want to be treated.

Say you’re doing well, but get yourself in a mess.

Just be calm.

Take deep breaths,

and squeeze your palm.

Keep your head all about you,

“And trust yourself when all men doubt you.”

Don't be a fool.

You have a brain;

use it as a tool - that's why you go to school.

Stop violence!

If you want a big house you need to respect,

and watch your mouth.

Stop being lazy,

get up off the couch.

If you stop violence, you won’t hear “Ouch!”

Come on guys, have some sense.

I’m just asking to Stop Violence!

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Do the Write Thing (DtWT)

Sponsored by the Utah State Board of Education Prevention and Student Services and the National Campaign to Stop Violence, the Do the Write Thing Challenge offers seventh and eighth grade students an opportunity to examine the impact of youth violence on their lives and to communicate in writing what they think should be done to prevent this type of violence. The Challenge emphasizes personal responsibility by encouraging students to make a commitment to take positive steps to change the problem. Ultimately, the program strives to help students break the cycle of violence in their homes, schools and neighborhoods.

Cuong Nguyen Prevention Specialist Phone: (801) 538-7790 | E-mail

Millie Mortensen Support Staff Phone: (801) 538-7631 | E-mail

How the Challenge Works

The Challenge kicks off in September each year. All seventh and eighth grade students in Utah are invited to participate.

Begin in September.
Teachers are encouraged to make the Challenge a part of regular classroom instruction.
2024 Entry Deadline January 12, 2024
Students complete an essay or poem and teachers submit all writings from each class period for the competition.
College students from throughout Utah will conduct initial reviews and select State Finalists.
Two writings per participating school will be selected as State finalists.
A panel of VIP judges will evaluate the top 24 entries, 12 boys and 12 girls from across the State, to select two runners-up and two “National Finalists” or “Ambassadors.”
April 2024 (specific date and location to be determined).
Contest finalists, their teachers, and parents will be invited to attend an awards luncheon where national finalists will be announced.
National finalists, along with family members, will be invited to attend and stay overnight at the 2024 Promising Youth Conference.
National finalists will be recognized at the May or June Utah State Board of Education Board meeting.
July 2024 in Washington D.C. (specific dates will be determined).
The national finalists, their teacher, and parent will participate with winners from across the country at the National Recognition Week.

Instructions and Lesson Plans

The Office of the Governor and the Utah State Board of Education Invites You and Your Students to Participate in Utah’s 23rd Annual Do the Write Thing Challenge

Governor Spencer J. Cox, State of Utah

Instructions

2023-2024 Utah’s “Do the Write Thing” Challenge Instructions for Classroom Teachers

2023-2024 Do the Write Thing Challenge Teacher Registration Qualtrics Doc

Sample Curriculum for Teachers

Teachers are encouraged to incorporate the Challenge into their regular classroom curriculum. Ideas for the classroom could include:

English: Use as an essay or poetry-writing assignment

Health: Discuss personal safety and well-being of others;

Civics: Conduct an exercise on personal and civic responsibility;

History: Use a historical perspective to examine youth violence.

Lesson Plans

Lesson Plan 1: Do the Write Thing Sample Lesson Plan Lesson Plan 2: Lesson Plans on Violence Lesson Plan 3: Essential Elements of Service-Learning

Do the Write Thing Program National Campaign to Stop Violence

DHHS Violence and Injury Prevention Program

Utah’s Students Who Accepted the Challenge

Do the Write Thing is not about winning a prize. It is an essential part of a long-term strategy to help students and adults better understand each other and work together to prevent youth violence.

2024 Utah's Challenge to Do the Write Thing Student Writings
2023 Utah's Challenge to Do the Write Thing Student Writings
2022 Utah's Challenge to Do the Wrtie Thing Student Writings
2021 Utah's Challenge to Do the Write Thing Student Writings

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U.S. Attorney Dena J. King Announces The Winners Of The 6th Annual "Do The Write Thing" Writing Challenge In Asheville

ASHEVILLE, N.C. – U.S. Attorney Dena J. King announced the winners of the 6 th Annual “Do the Write Thing” (DtWT) writing challenge, during an award ceremony held this evening in Asheville.

The Do the Write Thing Challenge is a program of the National Campaign to Stop Violence, which seeks to encourage middle school students to express the impact of violence in their lives through writing, and empower students to become catalysts for positive change by sharing their ideas on ways to reduce youth violence.

“Now more than ever, we must provide children with opportunities to express the impact and trauma violence has caused in their young lives,” said U.S. Attorney King, who chairs the DtWT committee in Asheville. “It is equally important for us adults to really listen, with our ears and our hearts, to the ideas and solutions young people have to offer on how to curb violence in our communities. I want to congratulate the winners, the finalists, and all the students who participated in the writing challenge, and thank the parents, guardians, teachers, and school administrators for supporting and encouraging students to express themselves through the written word. Violence reduction is one of the highest priorities of the Department of Justice, and prevention is an important component of an effective crime reduction strategy. I am looking forward to partnering with our schools and our community to develop pathways for positive change.”

A total of 603 essays written by middle school students attending Asheville Middle School and Buncombe County Schools were submitted for consideration. Of the 12 finalists recognized at this evening’s ceremony, Maggie Agan, an 8 th grader with Asheville Middle School, and Bear Farmer, an 8 th grader with Valley Springs Middle School, were announced as this year’s overall contest winners and were designated as National DtWT Ambassadors. As National Ambassadors, Maggie and Bear, their parents/guardians and the teachers who submitted their essays will be invited to participate in the “Do the Write Thing Challenge National Recognition Week” in Washington, D.C., in July. During this all-expense-paid trip, Maggie and Bear will have an opportunity to visit national monuments and have their works placed in the Library of Congress.

During this evening’s ceremony, U.S. Attorney King also thanked the Asheville Police Department, the Buncombe County Sheriff’s Office, the Asheville Housing Authority, and the SPARC Foundation for partnering with the U.S. Attorney’s Office to form the DtWT committee. U.S. Attorney King also recognized the teachers, school administrators, counselors, parents, guardians, and caregivers for their dedication in this important endeavor, and thanked them for supporting the students’ efforts and helping them reach their full potential.

For more information on the National Do the Write Thing program please visit http://www.dtwt.org .

How it works

The purpose of the Houston/Harris County Do the Write Thing Challenge is to create safer schools and communities by constructively influencing the lives of the young people and their families.

The Challenge is a multi-faceted youth anti-violence/anti-bullying and truancy prevention program focusing on, what science tells us, is the most vulnerable age group: 6th, 7th and 8th grade students. They are leaving childhood and entering adolescence, a period of bewildering physical, cognitive and emotional changes. It is an academic program implemented through public and private middle/junior high schools. The educator’s designed lesson plan, (updated each school year) meets TEKS objectives in Language Arts, Social Studies, Health, Physical Education and the STARR test; the comprehensive plan includes classroom discussions, research and composition. Many teachers use the program as a stand alone writing assignment for their classes.

Do the Write Thing, through classroom discussion and the writing of essays, teaches children how to deal with anger, slights, bullying and other conflicts in a constructive way, without resorting to violence. Also addressed are the subjects of resisting peer pressure, avoiding illicit drug usage and seeking help for family abuse, with an emphasis on personal responsibility. The Challenge is proactive, involving students, teachers, families, the community, civic groups, public officials and policy.

The program develops student empathy, problem solving, coping, social, leadership and academic skills necessary to resist anti-social behavior. The emphasis on personal responsibility establishes a healthy learning environment, creates a sense of self-worth and the incentive to improve their society. The Challenge has identified specific problems in specific locations. It is a resource and imaging mechanism providing information and a snapshot of the lives of middle school students; and has been the genesis of research projects and initiatives.

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Winners of 4th annual 'Do the Write Thing' essay contest announced

by WLOS STAFF

U.S. Attorney Andrew Murray announces the winners of the 4th Annual “Do the Writing Thing” essay contest during a virtual award ceremony on May 15. (Photo credit: Department of Justice)

ASHEVILLE, N.C. (WLOS) — U.S. Attorney Andrew Murray announced the two winners of the 4th Annual “Do the Write Thing” (DtWT) essay contest, during a virtual award ceremony on May 15.

Of the 12 finalists, Caroline Burton, a 7th grader with Asheville Middle School, and Noah Graham, an 8th grader with North Buncombe Middle School, were announced as this year’s winners

The program helps empower middle school students to talk about the impact of violence in their lives, and fight for change.

"It's an opportunity for students to use their written word to express the impact of any form of violence in their lives, to examine its cause, to examine solutions, to decrease violence in their community, and most importantly, to provide students with a voice and a forum to be heard," attorney Murray said.

More than 15 hundred essays were written by middle school students attending Asheville City Schools and Buncombe County Schools.

For more information on the national program, visit http://www.dtwt.org

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Exploring Do the Write Thing Essay Examples

Exploring Do the Write Thing essay examples can be a helpful exercise for any student looking to explore their ability to express themselves in written form. Looking at high-quality examples of essays from students who have already taken part in the Do the Write Thing program can give one insight into effective writing and provide inspiration and motivation on how to craft an engaging, impactful essay. Taking a look at some of these wonderful works is both eye-opening and inspiring.

1. Unlocking the Power of Do The Write Thing Essays

Deeper Analysis of Do The Write Thing Essay Examples

Analyzing the content of Do The Write Thing essays provides insight into how our society is responding to youth violence. Scholars can scrutinize these submissions for common themes and patterns, thus understanding more about the pressing issues facing teens today. For instance, many essay examples reference school safety concerns in regard to bullying and harassment as a major issue encountered by young people. In addition, students remark on their fear of violent retaliation when discussing ways that they try to stay safe from victimization or witness violence among peers.

When critically examiningDo The Writing Thing essay examples further research should be done explore how this behavior affects adolescents psychologically over time, as well as what educational strategies schools are utilizing which might mitigate these types of scenarios. Analysts could consider factors such as student age groups who are submitting essays or locations with higher prevalence levels so specific focus areas may be determined where targeted interventions could have maximum impact upon reducing violence behaviors amongst teens. Additionally do the write thing essays need not just be limited to analysis related implications; suggests that researchers review similar writings across other nations in orderto analyze international trends in youth crime movements too for policymaking processes at home.

2. An Introduction to Writing an Effective Do The Write Thing Piece

When writing for Do The Write Thing, it is important to have a variety of elements in your essay. In order to compose an effective piece, writers should consider the following components:

A strong opening statement that captures readers’ attention and introduces the topic.
Logical reasoning and evidence-based arguments throughout the text.
A thesis statement at the end that sums up all ideas discussed in clear way.

Writing essays on violence can be difficult as there is no one ideal approach or answer; however, having narrative examples with concrete evidence from different activities could well help illustrate your point. To craft an effective Do The Write Thing essay, start by researching successful Do The Write Thing essay examples which will provide guidance when you sit down to write yours. For example, a ‘Do The Write Thing’ essay written about gun violence might include personal anecdotes from attending an anti-gun protest rally or speaking with someone who has been affected by gun crime. Additionally examining statistics related to accidental shootings may provide supportive facts for this type of ‘Do The Write thing Essay’. Presenting research in combination with experiences allows potential solutions on how society could handle such tragedies more efficiently moving forward.

Using these tips and resources during essay construction ensures success within this Writing Challenge competition! With dedication, time management skills and creativity each aspiring student writer can develop their own unique perspectives combined with researched topics into eloquent pieces ready for submission!

3. Exploring Different Types of Do The Write Thing Essay Examples

Interpreting Do The Write Thing Essay Examples The analysis of do the write thing essay examples allows a professor to better understand how an individual thinks about this important subject. By interpreting such essays, one can gain insight into different perspectives on violence and aggression in today’s society. As there are various approaches to analyzing these works, professors should use their knowledge base to critically consider all perspectives presented by the students.

Some key topics that could be explored when examining do the write thing essay examples include potential solutions to stop youth violence, suggestions for prevention strategies, discussion on why young people have resorted to violent acts in specific situations, and identification of cultural issues associated with aggressive behavior among teens. While each student may present unique interpretations based on their own personal beliefs or research findings, it is important for professor’s level readership examines these arguments from multiple angles before making any final conclusions or assessments.

4. Finding Inspiration In Exemplary Pieces

Recent writing assignments in creative courses, from college to professional levels, have begged students and professionals alike for inspiration. To help you locate this spark within existing pieces of work – and experience the benefits that come with it – use these four tips:

Find Pieces You Respect . Great works are not only enjoyable; they’re also inspirational. When seeking a jolt of creativity, search out exemplary works by authors or artists whose style has left an impression on you. For example, viewing the Do The Write Thing Essay examples featured annually across America is an excellent way to gain fresh perspectives.
Analyze Structure . Once you find some pieces that stand out to your eye or ear (or anyway else!), take time to study their structures. Identifying particular methods used by different authors can open up new ways of approaching similar tasks.

Noting how certain sentences flow together provides insight into effective phrasing techniques as well. This understanding opens possibilities beyond those available previously and often serves as enough motivation alone for further progress! Furthermore if reading literature then themes such as meta-narrative devices uncovered through analysis could provide ideas too.

As another tip when advancing your skillset consider what occurs outside your field itself. For instance writers may be inspired via looking towards visual elements like modern art exhibits which contain emotive qualities attributed through lines shapes colors etc.. Similarly musicians studying topics covered in classical symphonies might acquire knowledge whilst observing soothing landscapes and video presentations like the animated Do The Write Thing Essays mentioned before plus others which span both nature photography along with figure painting visuals containing life energy dynamics at play!.

5. Crafting Your Own Understanding Through Analysis and Reflection

Understanding Through Analysis In order to effectively craft your own understanding, you need to analyze and reflect on the material that you have studied. When taking a closer look at a topic of interest, it is important to break down components into smaller parts in an effort to understand the complexities associated with each sub-topic. Doing this requires research as well as critically questioning various sources for reliability and accuracy. Additionally, making connections between different pieces of information helps elucidate connections which can be further explored.

For example, by exploring the examples provided from “Do The Right Thing” , Mookie’s actions during his conversation with Sal brought light onto how moments of conflict challenge cultural norms around perception and change. This concept was paramount when considering topics such as racism in America, where understanding one another’s cultures creates effective dialogue around addressing these challenges together rather than apart. Another essay example discussed Buggin Out’s resistance towards gentrification presenting circumstances in which resisting white ownership served justice against systemic devaluation experienced due largely raceism throughout American history – allowing us all opportunity reflect on what steps we must all take today resist similar instances oppression within our communities.

Reflection Through Application

Effective analysis involves not only researching a subject matter but also being able to accurately apply findings acquired through reflection back outwards based off personal experience or external resources; whether creating new forms knowledge or assisting others expand upon their own ideas. For example “Do The Right Thing ” showed Smiley attempting unite local residents under shared vision progress regardless differing perspectives amongst them – serving reminder unlearning oppressive behavior started step breaking cycles discrimination & empowering ourselves create better future for generations come. Such approaches encourage deeper self examination ultimately leading more thoughtful insights issues facing world today form climate change immigration patterns education reform & social movements alike; requiring patience thoughtfulness ensure collective success benefiting many over few.

6. Utilizing Creative Strategies To Effectively Express Ideas

Creative strategies are key to effectively communicating ideas and engaging audiences. A few important tactics used by successful communicators are story-telling, employing imagery, and providing examples. By sharing a well-crafted anecdote or example within the context of an idea being presented, we can more easily illustrate our point and cultivate understanding from those with whom we’re conversing.

For instance, narratives have frequently been utilized throughout history in order to convey complex concepts in ways that resonate effortlessly on an emotional level. The “do the right thing” essay , for instance, dives into racial tensions between two fictional characters through humor and wit – making its poignant message all the more impactful. Even literary greats such as Homer employed analogous storytelling devices to bring his audience closer towards grasping moral principles embedded within his writing:

The Odyssey is considered one of mankind’s greatest pieces of literature due it’s utilization of allegory
“Do The Right Thing” employs creative dialogue alongside vivid acting performances to illustrate a subtle but powerful ethical point
One could also interpret “Romeo & Juliet” similarly when interpreting themes surrounding societal bigotry.

Imagery works equally powerfully in expressing ideas effectively – by creating visuals that help uncover meaning in what words cannot explain alone. This technique has been employed prominently not just amongst artists (i.e Monet) but also writers (i.e Shakespeare). An arresting image or metaphor provides further context beyond purely academic explanations. In essence Scott McCloud’s comic book rendition explaining communication theory does this perfectly through clear colours+ shapes without going overboard with data . Similarly another piece exemplary work shining light on difficult topics comes from authors like John Steinbeck who brings forth social issues using metaphors such as canine behaviours exhibited among various classes (“Of Mice + Men”). Such techniques often straddle both the abstract world intertwined with reality seamlessly . As philosopher Slavoj Zizek proclaimed:”In today’s world images increasingly override language”. Lastly let us not forget examples which drive home understanding quicker than anything else. For instance Rachel Carson was able to teach people about ecological preservation thorough her riveting accounts pertaining pesticide misuse via direct experience culminating in most reader agreeing meant harm was caused regardless party affiliation. Just as much Alexander Hamilton showcased how stalwart diplomats had capabilities negotiating across differences to create unity ,in spite jingoistic rhetoric stifling discourse presently reigning supreme at times .

7. How To Take Away Valuable Lessons From These Powerful Examples

Most of us know at least one powerful story that has shaped our lives. Whether it’s a friend overcoming adversity or an event we experienced, often times these stories can give us insight into how to handle similar difficult situations in the future. Taking away valuable lessons from such examples is important for growth and can help inform what we do later on in life.

The “Do The Right Thing” essay contest provides several wonderful examples of people doing just that – taking action on their principles and trying to make the world a better place. For example , Grace Gao wrote about saving her school’s endangered species program by launching an environmental awareness campaign — a successful effort with lasting positive effects since then! In another example , Abigail Rose described how she fought against local government regulations by advocating for youth voices as part of county decisionmaking processes and successfully introduced initiatives like increasing funding for public libraries which improved quality of life around her community. Finally, in yet another inspiring Do The Right Thing story , Emma Catrell discussed using art and music to create messages supporting equity & inclusion in education access across all communities – no matter socio-economic status or race/ethnicity..

Each person’s experience comes with its own set of challenges but all three share common themes: resilience, proactivity, advocacy, passion for social justice causes; values which are admirable traits worth learning more about regardless if you choose to apply them directly or not. By appreciating each individual journey while looking outwards towards larger societal issues such as racial inequality or climate change – you have access to take away practical wisdom from these heartfelt tales through further exploration beyond your comfort zone! Exploring Do the Write Thing Essay Examples can be an inspiring and educational journey. By exploring stories written by teens from around the country, we get a glimpse into how young people are tackling some of today’s tough issues. We hope this exploration has shed light on various types of essays used in social justice movements and inspired you to write your own powerful story!

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8 Overcoming Challenges College Essay Examples

The purpose of the Overcoming Challenges essay is for schools to see how you might handle the difficulties of college. They want to know how you grow, evolve, and learn when you face adversity. For this topic, there are many clichés , such as getting a bad grade or losing a sports game, so be sure to steer clear of those and focus on a topic that’s unique to you. (See our full guide on the Overcoming Challenges Essay for more tips).

These overcoming challenges essay examples were all written by real students. Read through them to get a sense of what makes a strong essay. At the end, we’ll present the revision process for the first essay and share some resources for improving your essay.

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.

Essay 1: Becoming a Coach

“Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly their dejectedness, at not being able to compete.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. The writer shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.

One area of improvement of this essay would be the “attack” wording. The author likely uses this word as a metaphor for martial arts, but it feels too strong to describe the adults’ doubt of the student’s abilities as a coach, and can even be confusing at first.

Still, we see the student’s resilience as they are able to move past the disbelieving looks to help their team. The essay is kept real and vulnerable, however, as the writer admits having doubts: Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

Essay 2: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire.

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family.

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt.

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him.

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses.

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This essay is an excellent example because the writer turns an everyday challenge—starting a fire—into an exploration of her identity. The writer was once “a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes,” but has since traded her love of the outdoors for a love of music, writing, and reading.

The story begins in media res , or in the middle of the action, allowing readers to feel as if we’re there with the writer. One of the essay’s biggest strengths is its use of imagery. We can easily visualize the writer’s childhood and the present day. For instance, she states that she “rubbed and rubbed [the twigs] until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers.”

The writing has an extremely literary quality, particularly with its wordplay. The writer reappropriates words and meanings, and even appeals to the senses: “My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.” She later uses a parallelism to cleverly juxtapose her changed interests: “instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano.”

One of the essay’s main areas of improvement is its overemphasis on the “story” and lack of emphasis on the reflection. The second to last paragraph about changing perspective is crucial to the essay, as it ties the anecdote to larger lessons in the writer’s life. She states that she hasn’t changed, but has only shifted perspective. Yet, we don’t get a good sense of where this realization comes from and how it impacts her life going forward.

The end of the essay offers a satisfying return to the fire imagery, and highlights the writer’s passion—the one thing that has remained constant in her life.

Essay 3: Last-Minute Switch

The morning of the Model United Nation conference, I walked into Committee feeling confident about my research. We were simulating the Nuremberg Trials – a series of post-World War II proceedings for war crimes – and my portfolio was of the Soviet Judge Major General Iona Nikitchenko. Until that day, the infamous Nazi regime had only been a chapter in my history textbook; however, the conference’s unveiling of each defendant’s crimes brought those horrors to life. The previous night, I had organized my research, proofread my position paper and gone over Judge Nikitchenko’s pertinent statements. I aimed to find the perfect balance between his stance and my own.

As I walked into committee anticipating a battle of wits, my director abruptly called out to me. “I’m afraid we’ve received a late confirmation from another delegate who will be representing Judge Nikitchenko. You, on the other hand, are now the defense attorney, Otto Stahmer.” Everyone around me buzzed around the room in excitement, coordinating with their allies and developing strategies against their enemies, oblivious to the bomb that had just dropped on me. I felt frozen in my tracks, and it seemed that only rage against the careless delegate who had confirmed her presence so late could pull me out of my trance. After having spent a month painstakingly crafting my verdicts and gathering evidence against the Nazis, I now needed to reverse my stance only three hours before the first session.

Gradually, anger gave way to utter panic. My research was fundamental to my performance, and without it, I knew I could add little to the Trials. But confident in my ability, my director optimistically recommended constructing an impromptu defense. Nervously, I began my research anew. Despite feeling hopeless, as I read through the prosecution’s arguments, I uncovered substantial loopholes. I noticed a lack of conclusive evidence against the defendants and certain inconsistencies in testimonies. My discovery energized me, inspiring me to revisit the historical overview in my conference “Background Guide” and to search the web for other relevant articles. Some Nazi prisoners had been treated as “guilty” before their court dates. While I had brushed this information under the carpet while developing my position as a judge, i t now became the focus of my defense. I began scratching out a new argument, centered on the premise that the allied countries had violated the fundamental rule that, a defendant was “not guilty” until proven otherwise.

At the end of the three hours, I felt better prepared. The first session began, and with bravado, I raised my placard to speak. Microphone in hand, I turned to face my audience. “Greetings delegates. I, Otto Stahmer would like to…….” I suddenly blanked. Utter dread permeated my body as I tried to recall my thoughts in vain. “Defence Attorney, Stahmer we’ll come back to you,” my Committee Director broke the silence as I tottered back to my seat, flushed with embarrassment. Despite my shame, I was undeterred. I needed to vindicate my director’s faith in me. I pulled out my notes, refocused, and began outlining my arguments in a more clear and direct manner. Thereafter, I spoke articulately, confidently putting forth my points. I was overjoyed when Secretariat members congratulated me on my fine performance.

Going into the conference, I believed that preparation was the key to success. I wouldn’t say I disagree with that statement now, but I believe adaptability is equally important. My ability to problem-solve in the face of an unforeseen challenge proved advantageous in the art of diplomacy. Not only did this experience transform me into a confident and eloquent delegate at that conference, but it also helped me become a more flexible and creative thinker in a variety of other capacities. Now that I know I can adapt under pressure, I look forward to engaging in activities that will push me to be even quicker on my feet.

This essay is an excellent example because it focuses on a unique challenge and is highly engaging. The writer details their experience reversing their stance in a Model UN trial with only a few hours notice, after having researched and prepared to argue the opposite perspective for a month.

Their essay is written in media res , or in the middle of the action, allowing readers to feel as if we’re there with the writer. The student openly shares their internal thoughts with us — we feel their anger and panic upon the reversal of roles. We empathize with their emotions of “utter dread” and embarrassment when they’re unable to speak.

From the essay, we learn that the student believes in thorough preparation, but can also adapt to unforeseen obstacles. They’re able to rise to the challenge and put together an impromptu argument, think critically under pressure, and recover after their initial inability to speak.

Essay 4: Music as a Coping Mechanism

CW: This essay mentions self-harm.

Sobbing uncontrollably, I parked around the corner from my best friend’s house. As I sat in the driver’s seat, I whispered the most earnest prayer I had ever offered.

Minutes before, I had driven to Colin’s house to pick up a prop for our upcoming spring musical. When I got there, his older brother, Tom, came to the door and informed me that no one else was home. “No,” I corrected, “Colin is here. He’s got a migraine.” Tom shook his head and gently told me where Colin actually was: the psychiatric unit of the local hospital. I felt a weight on my chest as I connected the dots; the terrifying picture rocked my safe little world. Tom’s words blurred as he explained Colin’s self-harm, but all I could think of was whether I could have stopped him. Those cuts on his arms had never been accidents. Colin had lied, very convincingly, many times. How could I have ignored the signs in front of me? Somehow, I managed to ask Tom whether I could see him, but he told me that visiting hours for non-family members were over for the day. I would have to move on with my afternoon.

Once my tears had subsided a little, I drove to the theater, trying to pull myself together and warm up to sing. How would I rehearse? I couldn’t sing three notes without bursting into tears. “I can’t do this,” I thought. But then I realized that the question wasn’t whether I could do it. I knew Colin would want me to push through, and something deep inside told me that music was the best way for me to process my grief. I needed to sing.

I practiced the lyrics throughout my whole drive. The first few times, I broke down in sobs. By the time I reached the theater, however, the music had calmed me. While Colin would never be far from my mind, I had to focus on the task ahead: recording vocals and then producing the video trailer that would be shown to my high school classmates. I fought to channel my worry into my recording. If my voice shook during the particularly heartfelt moments, it only added emotion and depth to my performance. I felt Colin’s absence next to me, but even before I listened to that first take, I knew it was a keeper.

With one of my hurdles behind me, I steeled myself again and prepared for the musical’s trailer. In a floor-length black cape and purple dress, I swept regally down the steps to my director, who waited outside. Under a gloomy sky that threatened to turn stormy, I boldly strode across the street, tossed a dainty yellow bouquet, and flashed confident grins at all those staring. My grief lurched inside, but I felt powerful. Despite my sadness, I could still make art.

To my own surprise, I successfully took back the day. I had felt pain, but I had not let it drown me – making music was a productive way to express my feelings than worrying. Since then, I have been learning to take better care of myself in difficult situations. That day before rehearsal, I found myself in the most troubling circumstances of my life thus far, but they did not sink me because I refused to sink. When my aunt developed cancer several months later, I knew that resolution would not come quickly, but that I could rely on music to cope with the agony, even when it would be easier to fall apart. Thankfully, Colin recovered from his injuries and was home within days. The next week, we stood together on stage at our show’s opening night. As our eyes met and our voices joined in song, I knew that music would always be our greatest mechanism for transforming pain into strength.

This essay is well-written, as we can feel the writer’s emotions through the thoughts they share, and visualize the night of the performance through their rich descriptions. Their varied sentence length also makes the essay more engaging.

That said, this essay is not a great example because of the framing of the topic. The writer can come off as insensitive since they make their friend’s struggle about themself and their emotions (and this is only worsened by the mention of their aunt’s cancer and how it was tough on them ). The essay would’ve been stronger if it focused on their guilt of not recognizing their friend’s struggles and spanned a longer period of time to demonstrate gradual relationship building and reflection. Still, this would’ve been difficult to do well.

In general, you should try to choose a challenge that is undeniably your own, and you should get at least one or two people to read your essay to give you candid feedback.

Essay 5: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite.

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin.

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

While the writer didn’t succeed in getting the track dedicated to Coach Stark, their essay is certainly successful in showing their willingness to push themselves and take initiative.

The essay opens with a quote from Coach Stark that later comes full circle at the end of the essay. We learn about Stark’s impact and the motivation for trying to get the track dedicated to him.

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The essay goes on to explain how the writer overcame their apprehension of public speaking, and likens the process of submitting an appeal to the school board to running a race. This metaphor makes the writing more engaging and allows us to feel the student’s emotions.

While the student didn’t ultimately succeed in getting the track dedicated, we learn about their resilience and initiative: I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Overall, this essay is well-done. It demonstrates growth despite failing to meet a goal, which is a unique essay structure. The running metaphor and full-circle intro/ending also elevate the writing in this essay.

Essay 6: Body Image

CW: This essay mentions eating disorders.

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

We can see that the writer of this essay has been through a lot, and a strength of their essay is their vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members.

Still, this essay shows us that this student is honest, self-aware, and caring, which are all qualities admissions officer are looking for.

Essay 7: Health Crisis

Tears streamed down my face and my mind was paralyzed with fear. Sirens blared, but the silent panic in my own head was deafening. I was muted by shock. A few hours earlier, I had anticipated a vacation in Washington, D.C., but unexpectedly, I was rushing to the hospital behind an ambulance carrying my mother. As a fourteen-year-old from a single mother household, without a driver’s license, and seven hours from home, I was distraught over the prospect of losing the only parent I had. My fear turned into action as I made some of the bravest decisions of my life.

Three blood transfusions later, my mother’s condition was stable, but we were still states away from home, so I coordinated with my mother’s doctors in North Carolina to schedule the emergency operation that would save her life. Throughout her surgery, I anxiously awaited any word from her surgeon, but each time I asked, I was told that there had been another complication or delay. Relying on my faith and positive attitude, I remained optimistic that my mother would survive and that I could embrace new responsibilities.

My mother had been a source of strength for me, and now I would be strong for her through her long recovery ahead. As I started high school, everyone thought the crisis was over, but it had really just started to impact my life. My mother was often fatigued, so I assumed more responsibility, juggling family duties, school, athletics, and work. I made countless trips to the neighborhood pharmacy, cooked dinner, biked to the grocery store, supported my concerned sister, and provided the loving care my mother needed to recover. I didn’t know I was capable of such maturity and resourcefulness until it was called upon. Each day was a stage in my gradual transformation from dependence to relative independence.

Throughout my mother’s health crisis, I matured by learning to put others’ needs before my own. As I worried about my mother’s health, I took nothing for granted, cherished what I had, and used my daily activities as motivation to move forward. I now take ownership over small decisions such as scheduling daily appointments and managing my time but also over major decisions involving my future, including the college admissions process. Although I have become more independent, my mother and I are inseparably close, and the realization that I almost lost her affects me daily. Each morning, I wake up ten minutes early simply to eat breakfast with my mother and spend time with her before our busy days begin. I am aware of how quickly life can change. My mother remains a guiding force in my life, but the feeling of empowerment I discovered within myself is the ultimate form of my independence. Though I thought the summer before my freshman year would be a transition from middle school to high school, it was a transformation from childhood to adulthood.

This essay feels real and tells readers a lot about the writer. To start at the beginning, the intro is 10/10. It has drama, it has emotions, and it has the reader wanting more.

And, when you keep going, you get to learn a lot about a very resilient and mature student. Through sentences like “I made countless trips to the neighborhood pharmacy, cooked dinner, biked to the grocery store, supported my concerned sister, and provided the loving care my mother needed to recover” and “Relying on my faith and positive attitude, I remained optimistic that my mother would survive and that I could embrace new responsibilities,” the reader shows us that they are aware of their resilience and maturity, but are not arrogant about it. It is simply a fact that they have proven through their actions!

This essay makes us want to cheer for the writer, and they certainly seem like someone who would thrive in a more independent college environment.

Essay 8: Turned Tables

“You ruined my life!” After months of quiet anger, my brother finally confronted me. To my shame, I had been appallingly ignorant of his pain.

Despite being twins, Max and I are profoundly different. Having intellectual interests from a young age that, well, interested very few of my peers, I often felt out of step in comparison with my highly-social brother. Everything appeared to come effortlessly for Max and, while we share an extremely tight bond, his frequent time away with friends left me feeling more and more alone as we grew older.

When my parents learned about The Green Academy, we hoped it would be an opportunity for me to find not only an academically challenging environment, but also – perhaps more importantly – a community. This meant transferring the family from Drumfield to Kingston. And while there was concern about Max, we all believed that given his sociable nature, moving would be far less impactful on him than staying put might be on me.

As it turned out, Green Academy was everything I’d hoped for. I was ecstatic to discover a group of students with whom I shared interests and could truly engage. Preoccupied with new friends and a rigorous course load, I failed to notice that the tables had turned. Max, lost in the fray and grappling with how to make connections in his enormous new high school, had become withdrawn and lonely. It took me until Christmas time – and a massive argument – to recognize how difficult the transition had been for my brother, let alone that he blamed me for it.

Through my own journey of searching for academic peers, in addition to coming out as gay when I was 12, I had developed deep empathy for those who had trouble fitting in. It was a pain I knew well and could easily relate to. Yet after Max’s outburst, my first response was to protest that our parents – not I – had chosen to move us here. In my heart, though, I knew that regardless of who had made the decision, we ended up in Kingston for my benefit. I was ashamed that, while I saw myself as genuinely compassionate, I had been oblivious to the heartache of the person closest to me. I could no longer ignore it – and I didn’t want to.

We stayed up half the night talking, and the conversation took an unexpected turn. Max opened up and shared that it wasn’t just about the move. He told me how challenging school had always been for him, due to his dyslexia, and that the ever-present comparison to me had only deepened his pain.

We had been in parallel battles the whole time and, yet, I only saw that Max was in distress once he experienced problems with which I directly identified. I’d long thought Max had it so easy – all because he had friends. The truth was, he didn’t need to experience my personal brand of sorrow in order for me to relate – he had felt plenty of his own.

My failure to recognize Max’s suffering brought home for me the profound universality and diversity of personal struggle; everyone has insecurities, everyone has woes, and everyone – most certainly – has pain. I am acutely grateful for the conversations he and I shared around all of this, because I believe our relationship has been fundamentally strengthened by a deeper understanding of one another. Further, this experience has reinforced the value of constantly striving for deeper sensitivity to the hidden struggles of those around me. I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story.

Here you can find a prime example that you don’t have to have fabulous imagery or flowery prose to write a successful essay. You just have to be clear and say something that matters. This essay is simple and beautiful. It almost feels like having a conversation with a friend and learning that they are an even better person than you already thought they were.

Through this narrative, readers learn a lot about the writer—where they’re from, what their family life is like, what their challenges were as a kid, and even their sexuality. We also learn a lot about their values—notably, the value they place on awareness, improvement, and consideration of others. Though they never explicitly state it (which is great because it is still crystal clear!), this student’s ending of “I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story” shows that they are constantly striving for improvement and finding lessons anywhere they can get them in life.

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