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Khan Academy Blog

Making Homework Easier: Tips and Tools for Parents 

posted on September 20, 2023

By Stephanie Yamkovenko , group manager of Khan Academy’s Digital Marketing Team.

Homework can present challenges for parents and children alike. You naturally want to provide support for your child’s learning journey and ensure they are reaching their full potential. In this blog post, we will delve into practical strategies to assist your child with their homework. From fostering understanding and offering encouragement to breaking down tasks and implementing rewards, we will explore a variety of effective approaches to help your child achieve academic success.

Step 1: Set Up Your Child for Success

Your child’s study environment can have a significant impact on their homework performance. Create a space that is free from distractions like the television, smartphones, or noisy siblings. The study space should be comfortable, well lit, and have all the necessary materials your child might need, such as pens, papers, and textbooks. If your child’s workspace is noisy or uncomfortable, they may have difficulty focusing on their homework, resulting in lower productivity. 

For example, if you live in a small apartment, consider setting up a designated corner with a small desk or table where your child can focus on their work. You can use dividers or screens to create a sense of privacy and minimize distractions.

If the only place to do homework is in the dining room or kitchen, try to establish a routine where the area is cleared and organized before study time. This can help signal to your child that it’s time to concentrate and be productive.

Remember, it’s important to adapt to your specific circumstances and make the best of the available space. The key is to create a dedicated study area that promotes focus and minimizes interruptions regardless of the size or location of your home.

Try Confidence Boosters for Your Child Here!

Step 2: make it fun.

It’s important to make homework fun and engaging for your child. Here are some examples of how you can do it:

• Use games : Incorporate educational games like card games, board games, or puzzles that align with the subject your child is learning. For instance, use Scrabble to practice spelling or Sudoku to enhance problem-solving skills.
• Turn it into a challenge : Create a friendly competition between siblings or friends by setting goals or time limits for completing assignments. Offer small rewards or incentives for accomplishing tasks.
• Make it interactive : Use hands-on activities or experiments to reinforce concepts learned in class. For science or math, conduct simple experiments at home or use manipulatives like blocks or counters to visualize abstract concepts.
• Use technology : Explore online educational platforms or apps that offer interactive learning experiences. There are various educational games, virtual simulations, and videos available that can make homework more enjoyable.
• Incorporate creativity : Encourage your child to express their understanding through art, storytelling, or multimedia presentations. For example, they can create a comic strip to summarize a story or make a short video to explain a concept.

Remember, by making homework enjoyable, you can help your child develop a positive attitude towards learning.

Step 3: Use Rewards

Rewards can be a powerful motivational tool for children. Offering positive reinforcement can encourage them to complete their homework on time and to the best of their ability. 

Here are some examples of rewards our team has used with their children:

• Extra screen time: “I use Apple parental controls to add screen time on their iPad.”
• Access to a favorite toy: “My eight year old has a drum kit, which drives us all up the wall. (Thanks, Grandma!) But when they’ve been doing a lot of school work, we put on headphones and let him go nuts.”
• Praise for a job well done: “Specific, measurable praise is what works best.” 
• Trip to the park: “A trip to the park is good for everyone, especially for the kids to run around with the doggos.”
• Movie night: “I know every word and song lyric in Moana ; we now reserve showings for good behavior.” 
• Stickers or stamps: “Gold stars were such a thing growing up in the 80s; turns out they still work.”
• Stay up a little later: “An extra 30 minutes feels like a whole day for my young ones; use this reward with caution as it can become the expectation!”

So, celebrate your child’s efforts and encourage them to continue doing their best.

Step 4: Break Down Difficult Tasks

When facing daunting homework assignments, follow these step-by-step instructions to break down the tasks into smaller, manageable chunks:

• Understand the requirements and scope of the task.
• Break down the assignment into individual tasks or sub-tasks.  
• Splitting the middle term
• Using formula
• Using Quadratic formula
• Using algebraic identities
• Determine the order in which tasks should be completed based on importance or difficulty. 
• Start with the easiest task. Begin with the task that seems the least challenging or time-consuming.
• Progress to more challenging tasks: Once the easier tasks are completed, move on to more difficult ones.
• Take breaks: Schedule short breaks between tasks to avoid burnout and maintain focus.
• Check completed tasks for accuracy and make any necessary revisions.
• Finish the remaining task(s) with the same approach.
• Celebrate small achievements to boost confidence and keep motivation high.

By following these steps, you can make daunting homework assignments more manageable and less overwhelming for your child.

Step 5: Get Targeted Help

If your child is struggling with homework, it might be worth considering seeking personalized assistance. You have the option to search for professional tutors or explore online tutoring platforms, such as Khan Academy’s AI tutor, Khanmigo .

This AI tutor can offer personalized guidance and support tailored to your child’s specific needs, helping them grasp complex concepts and practice essential skills. Incorporating this approach can effectively complement your child’s learning and enhance their homework performance.

Enhance your child’s learning and boost homework performance!

Homework can be a challenge for both parents and children. But with the right approach, you can help your child overcome difficulties and support their learning. Encourage and understand your child, create a comfortable environment, break down difficult tasks, use rewards, get professional help when needed, and make it fun. With these tips and techniques, you can help your child achieve success, develop a love for learning, and achieve academic excellence. Remember that each child learns differently, so it’s essential to adjust your approach to meet their unique needs.

Get Khanmigo

The best way to learn and teach with AI is here. Ace the school year with our AI-powered guide, Khanmigo. 

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Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework

By debbie pincus, ms lmhc.

Parents often feel it’s their job to get their kids to do well in school. Naturally, you might get anxious about this responsibility as a parent. You might also get nervous about your kids succeeding in life—and homework often becomes the focus of that concern.

But when parents feel it’s their responsibility to get their kids to achieve, they now need something from their children—they need them to do their homework and be a success. I believe this need puts you in a powerless position as a parent because your child doesn’t have to give you what you want.

The battle about homework becomes a battle over control. Your child starts fighting to have more control over the choices in their life, while you feel that your job as a parent is to be in control of things. So you both fight harder, and it turns into a war in your home.

Over the years, I’ve talked to many parents who are in the trenches with their kids, and I’ve seen firsthand that there are many creative ways kids rebel when it comes to schoolwork. Your child might forget to do their homework, do their homework but not hand it in, do it sloppily or carelessly, or not study properly for their test. These are just a few ways that kids try to hold onto the little control they have.

When this starts happening, parents feel more and more out of control, so they punish, nag, threaten, and argue. Some parents stop trying altogether to get their children to do homework. Or, and this is common, parents will over-function for their kids by doing the work for them.

Now the battle is in full swing: reactivity is heightened as anxiety is elevated—and homework gets lost in the shuffle. The hard truth for parents is that you cannot make your children do anything, let alone homework. But what you can do is to set limits, respect their individual choices, and help motivate them to motivate themselves.

You might be thinking to yourself, “You don’t know my child. I can’t motivate him to do anything.” Many parents tell me that their children are not motivated to do their work. I believe that children are motivated—they just may not be motivated the way you’d like them to be. Keep reading for some concrete tips to help you guide them in their work without having to nag, threaten, or fight with them.

Also, keep in mind that if you carry more of the worry, fear, disappointments, and concern than your child does about their work, ask yourself, “What’s wrong with this picture, and how did this happen?” Remember, as long as you carry their concerns, they don’t have to.

Stop the Nightly Fights

The way you can stop fighting with your kids over homework every night is to stop fighting with them tonight. Disengage from the dance. Choose some different steps or decide not to dance at all. Let homework stay where it belongs—between the teacher and the student. Stay focused on your job, which is to help your child do their job. Don’t do it for them.

If you feel frustrated, take a break from helping your child with homework. Your blood pressure on the rise is a no-win for everyone. Take five or ten minutes to calm down, and let your child do the same if you feel a storm brewing.

Create Structure Around Homework Time

Set limits around homework time. Here are a few possibilities that I’ve found to be effective with families:

• Homework is done at the same time each night.
• Homework is done in a public area of your house.
• If grades are failing or falling, take away screen time so your child can focus and have more time to concentrate on their work.
• Make it the rule that weekend activities don’t happen until work is completed. Homework comes first. As James Lehman says, “The weekend doesn’t begin until homework is done.”

Let Your Child Make Their Own Choices

I recommend that your child be free to make their own choices within the parameters you set around schoolwork. You need to back off a bit as a parent. Otherwise, you won’t be helping them with their responsibilities.

If you take too much control over the situation, it will backfire on you by turning into a power struggle. And believe me, you don’t want a power struggle over homework. I’ve seen many kids purposely do poorly just to show their parents who’s in charge. I’ve also seen children who complied to ease their parents’ anxiety, but these same kids never learned to think and make choices for themselves.

Let Your Child Own the Consequences of Their Choices

I’m a big believer in natural consequences when it comes to schoolwork. Within the structure you set up, your child has some choices. They can choose to do their homework or not. And they can choose to do it well and with effort or not. The natural consequences will come from their choices—if they don’t choose to do their work, their grades will drop.

When that happens, you can ask them some honest questions:

“Are you satisfied with how things are going?”

“What do you want to do about your grade situation?”

“How can I be helpful to you?”

Be careful not to be snarky or judgmental. Just ask the question honestly. Show honest concern and try not to show disappointment.

Intervene Without Taking Control

The expectation is that homework is done to the best of your child’s ability. When they stop making an effort, and you see their grades drop, that’s when you invite yourself in. You can say:

“It’s my job to help you do your job better. I’m going to help you set up a plan to help yourself, and I will check in to make sure you’re following it.”

Set up a plan with your child’s input to get them back on their feet. For example, the new rules might be that homework must be done in a public place in your home until they get their grades back up. You and your child might meet with the teacher to discuss disciplinary actions should their grades continue to drop.

In other words, you will help your child get back on track by putting a concrete plan in place. And when you see this change, you can step back out of it. But before that, your child is going to sit in a public space and you’re going to monitor their work.

You’re also checking in more. Depending on your child’s age, you’re making sure that things are checked off before they go out. You’re adding a half-hour of review time for their subjects every day. And then, each day after school, they’re checking with their teacher or going for some extra help.

Remember, this plan is not a punishment—it’s a practical way of helping your child to do their best.

“I Don’t Care about Bad Grades!”

Many parents will say that their kids just don’t care about their grades. My guess is that somewhere inside, they do care. “I don’t care” also becomes part of a power struggle.

In other words, your child is saying, “I’m not going to care because you can’t make me. You don’t own my life.” And they’re right. The truth is, you can’t make them care. Instead, focus on what helps their behavior improve. And focus more on their actions and less on their attitude because it’s the actions that matter the most.

Motivation Comes From Ownership

It’s important to understand that caring and motivation come from ownership. You can help your child be motivated by allowing them to own their life more.

So let them own their disappointment over their grades. Don’t feel it more than they do. Let them choose what they will do or not do about their homework and face the consequences of those choices. Now they will begin to feel ownership, which may lead to caring.

Let them figure out what motivates them, not have them motivated by fear of you. Help guide them, but don’t prevent them from feeling the real-life consequences of bad choices. Think of it this way: it’s better for your child to learn from those consequences at age ten by failing their grade and having to go to summer school than for them to learn at age 25 by losing their job.

When Your Child Has a Learning Disability

I want to note that it’s very important that you check to see that there are no other learning issues around your child’s refusal to do homework. If they’re having difficulty doing the work or are performing below grade-level expectations, they should be tested to rule out any learning disabilities or other concerns.

If there is a learning disability, your child may need more help. For example, some kids need a little more guidance; you may need to sit near your child and help a little more. You can still put structures into place depending on who your child is.

But be careful. Many times, kids with learning disabilities get way too much help and develop what psychologists call learned helplessness . Be sure you’re not over-functioning for your learning disabled child by doing their work for them or filling in answers when they’re capable of thinking through them themselves.

The Difference Between Guidance and Over-Functioning

Your child needs guidance from you, but understand that guidance does not mean doing their spelling homework for them. Rather, it’s helping them review their words. When you cross the line into over-functioning, you take on your child’s work and put their responsibilities on your shoulders. So you want to guide them by helping them edit their book report themselves or helping them take the time to review before a test. Those can be good ways of guiding your child, but anything more than that is taking too much ownership of their work.

If your child asks for help, you can coach them. Suggest that they speak with their teacher on how to be a good student and teach them those communication skills. In other words, show them how to help themselves. So you should not back off altogether—it’s that middle ground that you’re looking for. That’s why I think it’s essential to set up a structure. And within that structure, you expect your child to do what they have to do to be a good student.

Focus on Your Own Goals

When you start over-focusing on your child’s work, pause and think about your own goals and what do you need to get done to achieve those goals. Model your own persistence and perseverance to your child.

Believe In Your Child

I also tell parents to start believing in their children. Don’t keep looking at your child as a fragile creature who can’t do the work. I think we often come to the table with fear and doubt—we think if we don’t help our kids, they’re just not going to do it.

But as much as you say, “I’m just trying to help you,” what your child hears is, “You’re a failure; I don’t believe you can do it on your own.”

Instead, your message should be, “I know you can do it. And I believe in you enough to let you make your own choices and deal with the consequences.”

Related content: What Can I Do When My Child Refuses to Go to School? “My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork

For more information on the concept of learned helplessness in psychology and behavior, we recommend the following articles:

Psychology Today: Learned Helplessness

VeryWell Mind: What Is Learned Helplessness and Why Does it Happen?

About Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC

For more than 25 years, Debbie has offered compassionate and effective therapy and coaching, helping individuals, couples and parents to heal themselves and their relationships. Debbie is the creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program and is also the author of numerous books for young people on interpersonal relations.

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Frank My daughter Nina just turned 8 (Feb 11). She does not like to do homework one bit. Her teacher gives her homework every day except Friday. She loves Fridays because she doesn't like homework. She always hides her homework under her bed, refuses to do her homework, and in the More morning she tells her teacher "I lost it last night and can't find it!". She feels homework is a waste of time, yes, we all feel that way, but poor Nina needs to learn that homework is important to help you stay smart. She needs to start doing homework. How can I make her 2nd-grade brain know that homework is actually good? Is there a way to make her love, love, LOVE homework? Let me know.

Rebecca Wolfenden, Parent Coach We appreciate you writing in to Empowering Parents and sharing your story. Because we are a website aimed at helping people become more effective parents, we are limited in the advice and suggestions we can give to those outside of a direct parenting role. In addition to the tips in More the article above, it may be helpful to look into local resources to help you develop a plan for addressing these particular issues with your cousins, such as their doctor or their teachers. We wish you the best going forward. Take care.

Rebecca Wolfenden, Parent Coach I hear you. Homework can be a challenging, frustrating time in many families even under the best of circumstances, so you are not alone. When kids struggle with a subject, it can be even more difficult to get assignments completed. Although you didn’t indicate that your daughter More has ADHD, you might find some helpful tips in Why School is Hard for Kids with ADHD—and How You Can Help . Author Anna Stewart outlines techniques that can be useful to help make homework more interesting for kids with a variety of learning challenges in this article. You might also consider checking in with your daughter’s teacher, as s/he might have some additional ideas for engaging your daughter in her homework. Please be sure to write back and let us know how things are going for you and your family. Take care.

So, after reading this I get to say…GREAT…You really do not know my child.  We have done 100% of everything listed in this article.  In the end, my son has utterly declared “I DON’T CARE, AND I DON’T NEED SCHOOL”.  We have attempted a “reward” system as well, and that doesn’t work.  He cares about 3 or 4 things.  Nintendo DS, Lego, K’Nex, TV…all of those he has lost over the past year.  Now he reads, ALL the time.  Fine, but that doesn’t get his homework done.  It also doesn’t get anything else he needs to do done.  We’ve done “task boards”, we’ve done “Reward Systems”, we’ve done the “What is on your list to complete”.  EVERYTHING is met with either a full fledged meltdown (think 2 year old…on the floor, kicking and screaming and crying).  His IMMEDIATE response to ANYTHING that may interrupt him is “NO” or worse.  If something doesn’t go his way directly he throws a fit INSTANTLY, even if the response is “Give me a second” it’s NOW OR I’M DESTROYING SOMETHING.  He’s been suspended multiple times for his anger issues, and he’s only 10.  Unfortuantely we have no family history as he was adopted from Russia.  His “formal” diagnosis are ADHD and Anxiety.  I’m thinking there is something much more going on.  BTW: He did have an IQ test and that put him at 145 for Spacial and Geometric items, with a 136 for written and language.  His composite was 139, which puts him in the genius category, but he’s failing across the board…because he refuses to do the work.

Interesting article and comments. Our son (6th grade) was early diagnosed as ADHD and for the first 3 years of elementary school several of his teachers suggested he might require special education. But then the school counseling staff did a workup and determined that his IQ is 161 and from that point forward his classroom antics were largely tolerated as “eccentric”.  He has now moved to middle school (6th grade) and while his classroom participation seems to be satisfactory to all teachers, he has refused to do approximately 65% of his homework so far this school year. We have tried talking with him, reasoning with him, removing screen time, offering cash payments (which he lectures us as being unethical “bribes”), offering trips, offering hobbies and sporting events, and just about anything we can think of. Our other children have all been through the “talented and gifted” programs, but he simply refuses to participate in day-to-day school work. His fall report card was pretty much solid “F” or “O” grades. He may be bored out of his mind, or he may have some other issues. Unfortunately, home schooling is not an option, and neither is one of the $40,000 per year local private schools which may or may not be in a better position to deal with his approach to school.  Do “learning centers” work for kids like this? Paying somebody else to force him to do his homework seems like a coward’s solution but I am nearly at the end of my rope! Thanks..

RebeccaW_ParentalSupport 12yokosuka Many parents struggle with staying calm when their child is acting out and screaming, so you are not alone.  It tends to be effective to set up a structured time for kids to do their homework and study, and they can earn a privilege if they comply and meet More their responsibilities.  What this might look like for your daughter is that if she studies, she can earn her phone that day.  If she refuses, and chooses to argue or scream at you instead, then she doesn’t earn her phone that day and has another chance the next day.  You can read more about this in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/.  If you are also looking for resources to help you stay calm, I encourage you to check out our articles, blogs, and other resources on https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/parenting-strategies-techniques/calm-parenting/.  Please let us know if you have any additional questions.  Take care.

Scott carcione 

I’m sorry to hear about the challenges you are experiencing with your

son.I also hear the different

approaches you and your ex are taking toward parenting your son.While it would be ideal if you were able to

find common ground, and present a consistent, united response to your son’s

choices, in the end, you can only https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/parenting-after-divorce-9-ways-to-parent-on-your-own-terms/.At

this point, it might be useful to meet with the school to discuss how you can

work together to hold your son accountable for his actions, such as receiving a

poor grade if he refuses to do his work.Janet Lehman discusses this more in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/when-your-child-has-problems-at-school-6-tips-for-parents/.Take care.

It can be so challenging when your child is acting out at school, yet does

not act that way at home.One strategy I

recommend is talking with your son at home about his behavior at school.During this conversation, I encourage you to

address his choices, and come up with a specific plan for what he can do differently

to follow the rules.I also recommend

working with his teachers, and discussing how you can assist them in helping

your son to follow the rules.You might

find additional useful tips in our article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/acting-out-in-school-when-your-child-is-the-class-troublemaker/.Please be sure to write back and let us know

how things are going for you and your son.Take care.

I hear you.It can be so challenging

when your young child is having outbursts like this.A lot of young children tend to act out and

have tantrums when they are experiencing a big transition, such as starting a

new school or adjusting to having a younger sibling, so you are not alone.Something that can be helpful is to set up

clear structure and expectations around homework, as Janet Lehman points out in

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-child-refuses-to-do-homework-heres-how-to-stop-the-struggle/.I also encourage you to set aside some time

for you to have https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/attention-seeking-behavior-in-young-children-dos-and-donts-for-parents/ with your daughter as well.Please be sure to write back and let us know

how things are going for you and your family.Take care.

JoJoSuma I am having the exact same problem with my 9 year old son. His grades are quickly falling and I have no idea why or where to begin with helping him turn things around. When he applies himself he receives score of 80% or higher, and when he doesn't it clearly shows and he receives failing scores. He, too, says that he doesn't do or want to do the work because it is boring, or that he "Forgot" or "lost it". He has started to become a disruption to the class and at this rate I am afraid that he will have to repeat 5th grade. I am also a single parent so my frustration is at an all time high. You are not alone and I wish you and your family the best.

Thank you so much for these tips RebeccaW_ParentalSupport because I SERIOUSLY had nowhere to turn and no clue where to begin. I have cried many nights feeling like I was losing control. I will try your tips and see where things go from here.

It’s not uncommon

for kids to avoid doing homework, chores or other similar tasks.  After

all, homework can be boring or difficult, and most people (both kids and adults

alike) tend to prefer activities which are enjoyable or fun.  This does

not mean that you cannot address this with your daughter, though. 

Something which can be helpful for many families is to set up a structured

homework time, and to require that your daughter complete her homework in order

to earn a privilege later on that evening.  You can read about this, and

other tips, in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/. 

Please be sure to write back and let us know how things are going for you and

your daughter.  Take care.

Thestruggleisreal I'm just now signing up for these articles, I'm struggling with my 12 year and school work, she just doesn't want to do it, she has no care I'm world to do, she is driving me crazy over not doing, I hate to see her More fail, but I don't know what to do

FamilyMan888 

I can hear how much your

daughter’s education means to you, and the additional difficulties you are

facing as a result of her learning disabilities.  You make a great point

that you cannot force her to do her work, or get additional help, and I also

understand your concern that getting her teachers to “make” her do these things

at school might create more conflict there as well.  As James Lehman

points out in his article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/stop-the-blame-game-how-to-teach-your-child-to-stop-making-excuses-and-start-taking-responsibility/, lowering your expectations for your daughter due to her

diagnosis is probably not going to be effective either.  Instead, what you

might try is involving her in the https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/, and asking her what she thinks she needs, and what she will do

differently, to meet classroom expectations.  Please be sure to write back

and let us know how things are going for you and your family.  Take care.

tvllpit Very effective to  kids age of 5, 7, and 11 years old. Thank you for sharing your idea.

Thank you for

your question.  You are correct that we recommend setting up a structured

time for kids to do homework, yet not getting into a power struggle with them

if they refuse to do their work during that time.  It could be useful to

talk with your 11 year old about what makes it difficult to follow through with

doing homework at that time, and perhaps experimenting with doing homework at

another time to see if that works more effectively.  In the end, though,

if your child is simply refusing to do the work, then we recommend giving a

consequence and avoiding a power struggle.  Megan Devine details this

process more in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/. 

Please let us know if you have any additional questions.  Take care.

jovi916 I'm a mother to a 10 year old 5th grader. Since 3rd grade I've been struggling with homework. That first year, I thought it was just lack of consistency since my children go between mine and dad's house. I tried setting some sort of system up with More the teacher to get back on track, but the teacher said it was the child's responsibility to get the hw done. This year has been esp. Difficult. He stopped doing hw, got an F, so I got on him. He stared turning half done work, but same grades so I still got on him. Grades went up, I loosened up, then he stopped with in school work. Now it's back to not turning anything in, even big projects and presentations. He had never really been allowed to watch tv, but now it's a definite no, I took his Legos away, took him out of sports. Nothing is working. He's basically sitting at the table every night, and all weekend long in order to get caught up with missing assignments. I'm worried, and next year he'll be in middle school. I try setting an example by studying in front of him. My daughter just does her homework and gets good grades. Idk what to do.

I can hear your concern. Academic achievement is important

to most parents and when your children seem to be struggling to complete their

work and get good grades, it can be distressing. Ultimately, your childrens’

school work and grades are their responsibility. You shouldn’t have to quit

your own studies in order to help them improve theirs. The above article gives

some great tips for helping motivate your children to complete their homework.

We do have a couple other articles you may also find useful: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/10-ways-to-motivate-your-child-to-do-better-in-school/ & https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/sinking-fast-at-school-how-to-help-your-child-stay-afloat/. We appreciate you

writing in and hope you find the information useful. Take care.

RNM I have the exact same issues with my 8 year old. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. He's a smart kid, he just doesn't seem to care to do his homework let alone if he gets a bad grade as a result. He hates reading, but does More very well in spelling and science. Homework is an issue nightly and the teacher pulled me aside today to tell me again how much he talks in class and that now he isn't writing down his assignments and is missing 3 assignments this week. SMH, I don't know what to do anymore other than to coach him (some more) and take away basketball if he doesn't do his homework.

What?  "Let homework stay where it belongs—between the teacher and the student. Refuse to get pulled in by the school.."  I do not see the logic or benefit of this advice.  Homework, by definition, is the responsibility of the student and parent (NOT the teacher).  The teacher does not live at the student's home or run the house.  

In my opinion, the lack of parental involvement with academics often causes the low student performance evident across the U.S.  I do not agree with advocating for even LESS parental involvement.

I completely agree with you. Parental, or adult, engagement at home can be a deal-maker/breaker when it comes to student performance. I subscribe to theories that differ from the author's.

First, if an adult is involved with the child and his activities, then the child will commonly react with "hey, somebody cares about me" leading to an increased sense of self-worth. A sense of caring about one's-self leads to caring about grades and other socially acceptable behaviors (Maslow).

Secondly, I am a FIRM believer in the techniques of behavior modification through positive reinforcement (Karen Pryor). It's up to an invested adult to determine what motivates the student and use those motivators to shape and reinforce desirable behavior such as daily homework completion. A classroom teacher has too many students and too little time to apply this theory.

Letting a child sink or swim by himself is a bad idea. Children have only one childhood; there are no do-overs.

And yes, children are work.

Many experience similar feelings of being at fault when

their child fails, so, you’re not alone. Truth of the matter is, allowing your

child to experience natural consequences of their actions by allowing them to

fail gives them the opportunity to look at themselves and change their

behavior.  We have a couple articles I think you may find helpful: When You Should Let Your Child Fail: The Benefits of Natural Consequences & 5 Natural Consequences You Should Let Your Child Face . Good luck to you and

your family moving forward. Take care.

hao hao It is so true, we can't control our children's home. It is their responsibility. But they don't care it. What can we do it?

indusreepradeep

How great it is that you want to help your brother be more

productive with his homework. He’s lucky to have a sibling who cares about him

and wants him to be successful. Because we are a website aimed at helping

parents develop better ways of managing acting out behavior, we are limited in

the advice we can offer you as his sibling. There is a website that may be able

to offer you some suggestions. http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/

is a website aimed at helping teens and young adults figure out ways of dealing

with challenges they may be facing in their lives. They offer several ways of

getting support, such as by e-mail or text, through an online forum and chat,

and also a call in helpline. You can check out what they have to offer at http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/. Good luck

to you and your family moving forward. Take care.

Kathleenann indusreepradeep

Thank you so much for your humble support....

It sounds like you have done a lot

of work to try to help your daughter achieve her educational goals, and it’s

normal to feel frustrated when she does not seem to be putting in the same

amount of effort.  It can be useful to keep your focus on whether your

daughter is doing her work, and to keep that separate from whether she “cares”

about doing her work.  Ultimately, it is up to your daughter to do her

work, regardless of how she appears to feel about it.  To that end, we

recommend working with the various local supports you have in place, such as

her therapists and others on her IEP team, to talk about what could be useful

to motivate your daughter to do her school work.  Because individuals with

autism can vary greatly with their abilities, it’s going to be more effective

to work closely with the professionals who are familiar with your daughter’s

strengths and level of functioning in order to develop a plan to address this

issue.  Thank you so much for writing in; we wish you and your daughter

all the best as you continue to address her difficulties with school. 

is there a blog for parents that went to Therapeutic boarding schooling for their adolescent?

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

We value your opinions and encourage you to add your comments to this discussion. We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political or religious nature. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to every question posted on our website.

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Ages & Stages

Developing good homework habits.

Some children get right down to work without much encouragement. Others need help making the transition from playing to a homework frame of mind. Sometimes providing a ten-minute warning is all it takes to help a child get ready mentally as well as to move to the place she intends to work.

There is no universally right time to do homework. In some families, children do best if they tackle their homework shortly after returning home from school in the mid afternoon; other youngsters may do best if they devote the after-school hours to unwinding and playing, leaving their homework until the evening, when they may feel a renewed sense of vigor. Let your child have some say in the decision making. Homework can often become a source of conflict between parent and child—"Johnny, why can't you just do your homework with­out arguing about it?"—but if you agree on a regular time and place, you can eliminate two of the most frequent causes of homework-related dissension.

Some parents have found that their children respond poorly to a dictated study time (such as four o'clock every afternoon). Instead, youngsters are given guidelines ("No video games until your homework is done"). Find out what works best for both your child and the family as a whole. Once this is de­termined, stick with it.

Some youngsters prefer that a parent sit with them as they do their home­work. You may find this an acceptable request, particularly if you have your own reading or paperwork to complete. However, do not actually do the homework for your child. She may need some assistance getting focused and started and organizing her approach to the assignment. Occasionally, you may need to ex­plain a math problem; in those cases, let your child try a couple of problems first before offering to help. But if she routinely requires your active participation to get her everyday homework done, then talk to her teacher. Your child may need stronger direction in the classroom so that she is able to complete the assign­ments on her own or with less parental involvement. One area where children may need parental help is in organizing how much work will have to be done daily to finish a long assignment, such as a term paper or a science project.

If your child or her teacher asks you to review her homework, you may want to look it over before she takes it to school the next morning. Usually it is best if homework remains the exclusive domain of the child and the teacher. However, your input may vary depending on the teacher's philosophy and the purpose of homework. If the teacher is using homework to check your child's understand­ing of the material—thus giving the teacher an idea of what needs to be empha­sized in subsequent classroom teaching sessions—your suggestions for changes and improvements on your child's paper could prove misleading. On the other hand, if the teacher assigns homework to give your child practice in a particular subject area and to reinforce what has already been taught in class, then your participation can be valuable. Some teachers use homework to help children develop self-discipline and organizational and study skills. Be sure to praise your youngster for her efforts and success in doing her homework well.

In general, support your child in her homework, but do not act as a taskmas­ter. Provide her with a quiet place, supplies, encouragement, and occasional help—but it is her job to do the work. Homework is your youngster's respon­sibility, not yours.

As the weeks pass, keep in touch with your child's teacher regarding home­work assignments. If your youngster is having ongoing problems—difficulty understanding what the assignments are and how to complete them—or if she breezes through them as though they were no challenge at all, let the teacher know. The teacher may adjust the assignments so they are more in sync with your youngster's capabilities.

Whether or not your child has homework on a particular night, consider reading aloud with her after school or at night. This type of shared experience can help interest your child in reading, as well as give you some personal time with her. Also, on days when your child does not have any assigned home­work, this shared reading time will reinforce the habit of a work time each evening.

To further nurture your child's love of reading, set a good example by spend­ing time reading on your own, and by taking your youngster to the library and/or bookstore to select books she would like to read. Some families turn off the TV each night for at least thirty minutes, and everyone spends the time reading. As children get older, one to two hours may be a more desirable length of time each day to set aside for reading and other constructive activities.

As important as it is for your child to develop good study habits, play is also important for healthy social, emotional, and physical growth and develop­ment. While encouraging your child to complete her assignments or do some additional reading, keep in mind that she has already had a lengthy and per haps tiring day of learning at school and needs some free time. Help her find the play activities that best fit her temperament and personality—whether it is organized school sports or music lessons, free-play situations (riding her bike, playing with friends), or a combination of these.

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How to Help Your Child Study

Regardless of a child’s age or challenges, parents can encourage sound homework routines for a successful start to the school year.

By Brian Platzer and Abby Freireich

Every cartful of new school supplies is loaded with promise: binders organized by subject, crisp homework folders and pristine notebooks. But for many parents it can feel like it’s just a short hop from those freshly sharpened pencils to a child in full meltdown over a barely started English essay.

You don’t have to let go of the optimism. As parents, teachers and tutors, we have some concrete advice for staving off the tears — for both parents and children.

Regardless of a child’s age or challenges, parents can encourage sound homework routines for a successful start to the school year. First, students should consider how to create organized work spaces, backpacks and lockers cleared of clutter and systematized for easy retrieval of important assignments. Second, nightly to-do checklists are a must to help prioritize and plan ahead.

But many students still struggle when it comes to homework. Their stress tends to be exacerbated by three primary challenges: procrastinating , feeling overwhelmed and struggling to retain information . Ideally, parents can help elementary school children develop effective homework habits so they will not need as much guidance as they get older. Parents who are not home during their kids’ prime homework hours can try out some of these ideas on the weekends and pass along the best practices to their caregivers.

For Procrastination

Reduce potential distractions..

Many students finish reading a sentence, and then refresh their Instagram feed. Ideally, their phones should be nowhere near them during homework time. Or they should disable or mute apps and texting functions on the phone and computer while they work. We know this will mean a grumpy adolescent. But it’s a battle worth fighting. Establish a family tech-space where phones and laptops go when not in use. And model these boundaries by leaving your devices there, too!

Remember that consistency is key.

Kids ultimately thrive in the comfort and reliability of a structured approach to homework, so each afternoon they should follow the same steps in roughly the same order.

For Students Overwhelmed by Workload

Plan ahead..

It might be helpful for you to model the planning process, so your kids can see how you schedule a series of tasks. Try to make a point of letting them in on the process when you’re running errands, preparing for a trip or completing a project for work. Then take advantage of some set time (Sunday tends to work best) to plan the coming week.

Students should break down large assignments into more manageable chunks and then backplan from the due date, recording on a calendar what they’ll need to do when in order to complete each major task and its components.

In the early grades, this could mean reading a book by Tuesday in order to write a book report on Wednesday. By middle school, it could translate to finishing the research for a science project with enough time to make a compelling poster to display at the science fair. The more practice students get with planning, the sooner they’ll become self-sufficient.

Use time estimates.

Students should estimate how long each assignment will take and develop a schedule accordingly. Even if the estimate is wrong, the process of thinking through timing will allow them to internalize how best to proceed when juggling multiple tasks. It will give them a better gauge of how long future assignments will take and make the evening ahead less intimidating.

Begin with the most difficult task.

Most kids’ instinct will be to complete the fun or easy to-dos first. But they should start with the hardest work. Otherwise it will be later when, energy depleted, they begin trying to outline their term paper. Encouraging them to do the most challenging work first will allow them to devote attention and energy to the demanding assignments — then they can coast through the easy tasks.

For Students Who Struggle to Retain Information

Use a cumulative approach..

Memorize information in stages that build upon one another. When students are confronted with vast swaths of material, it can be overwhelming and difficult to recall. Suggest that they break it up into a series of discrete parts based on the number of topics and the number of days they have to study for the test. For example, students might divide a history test study sheet into sections 1 to 3. The first day should be for studying section 1. The second day, section 2. The third day, reviewing sections 1 and 2, before moving to section 3 the following day. This way, by the time students get to section 3, they haven’t forgotten what they learned in the first section. This cumulative approach reinforces retention of content through review and repetition.

S ummarize with concise lists, identify keywords and use mnemonics.

A big block of text on a study sheet can be difficult for students to absorb and memorize. Instead, they should break the sentence or paragraph up into a series of points, highlighting the keywords and then creating their own mnemonic device to remember it. Sometimes the silliest mnemonics stick the best, and remembering the first letters of words will help trigger ideas that they might otherwise forget. (Remember the DR & MRS VANDERTRAMP verbs from French class, or Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge when learning musical notes?)

Employ visual aids and narratives.

Some students can best synthesize information by creating charts or other graphic organizers. Rather than feeling overwhelmed by writing several paragraphs with important information about how a cell works, for example, students might present the same data in streamlined form with a chart. Charts distill and organize numerous sources (parts of a cell) according to the same set of criteria (form, function, location), creating a categorized snapshot that’s easier to memorize.

Other students prefer narratives that link ideas to their context. Instead of trying to memorize various inventors, students could recall how they built on one another’s accomplishments. Most students thrive when both these approaches are used simultaneously.

Make study materials.

We know it’s old-fashioned, but writing out information helps commit content to memory far better than typing it. If writing out the material longhand is too onerous, kids should still create their own study sheet digitally, rather than borrowing one from a friend. The work of creating the study sheet is a crucial step in internalizing its content. Active is always better than passive studying. Most students benefit from being orally quizzed on the material so they can determine both the information they know inside-out, and what they still need to review. Online resources like Quizlet can work well to prepare for straightforward vocabulary quizzes, but is less helpful when it comes to tests covering more complex information. Most importantly, students should generate their own study material to make the most of using Quizlet, rather than relying on pre-existing content that others have posted.

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How Much Studying Is Enough?

Some kids believe they’ll never be prepared, even after hours of studying. Others barely crack a book open and declare they’re done.

Use practice tests.

The best way to know that study time is over is when students are able to perform the task that will be asked of them on the in-class test, quiz or essay. Initially, children can review the material orally. They should write down any material they missed to help commit it to memory. Then, they can take a sample test from a textbook, or create a mock test with class notes, homework and study guides. When students demonstrate a verbal and written command of the information, studying should be complete.

Talk through these study habits now, so that on the first day of school, your child will not only have the requisite sharpened pencils, but also a plan of action.

Abby Freireich and Brian Platzer are the founders of Teachers Who Tutor | NYC and the authors of a book about homework to be published next summer.

How to help your kids with homework (without doing it for them)

Lecturer in the Faculty of Education, Monash University

Lecturer, Monash University

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The authors do not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and have disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

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Parents are a child’s first and most important teachers . Parent involvement in their child’s learning can help improve how well they do in school. However, when it comes to helping kids with homework, it’s not so simple.

While it’s important to show support and model learning behaviour, there is a limit to how much help you can give without robbing your child of the opportunity to learn for themselves.

Be involved and interested

An analysis of more than 400 research studies found parent involvement, both at school and at home, could improve students’ academic achievement, engagement and motivation.

School involvement includes parents participating in events such as parent-teacher conferences and volunteering in the classroom. Home involvement includes parents talking with children about school, providing encouragement, creating stimulating environments for learning and finally – helping them with homework.

Read more: What to do at home so your kids do well at school

The paper found overall, it was consistently beneficial for parents to be involved in their child’s education, regardless of the child’s age or socioeconomic status. However, this same analysis also suggested parents should be cautious with how they approach helping with homework.

Parents helping kids with homework was linked to higher levels of motivation and engagement, but lower levels of academic achievement. This suggests too much help may take away from the child’s responsibility for their own learning.

Help them take responsibility

Most children don’t like homework. Many parents agonise over helping their children with homework. Not surprisingly, this creates a negative emotional atmosphere that often results in questioning the value of homework.

Homework has often been linked to student achievement, promoting the idea children who complete it will do better in school. The most comprehensive analysis on homework and achievement to date suggests it can influence academic achievement (like test scores), particularly for children in years seven to 12.

But more research is needed to find out about how much homework is appropriate for particular ages and what types are best to maximise home learning.

Read more: Too much help with homework can hinder your child's learning progress

When it comes to parent involvement, research suggests parents should help their child see their homework as an opportunity to learn rather than perform. For example, if a child needs to create a poster, it is more valuable the child notes the skills they develop while creating the poster rather than making the best looking poster in the class.

Instead of ensuring their child completes their homework, it’s more effective for parents to support their child to increase confidence in completing homework tasks on their own.

Here are four ways they can do this.

1. Praise and encourage your child

Your positivity will make a difference to your child’s approach to homework and learning in general. Simply, your presence and support creates a positive learning environment.

Our study involved working with recently arrived Afghani mothers who were uncertain how to help their children with school. This was because they said they could not understand the Australian education system or speak or write in English.

However, they committed to sit next to their children as they completed their homework tasks in English, asking them questions and encouraging them to discuss what they were learning in their first language.

In this way, the parents still played a role in supporting their child even without understanding the content and the children were actively engaged in their learning.

2. Model learning behaviour

Many teachers model what they would like their students to do. So, if a child has a problem they can’t work out, you can sit down and model how you would do it, then complete the next one together and then have the child do it on their own.

3. Create a homework plan

When your child becomes overly frustrated with their homework, do not force them. Instead, together create a plan to best tackle it:

read and understand the homework task

break the homework task into smaller logical chunks

discuss how much time is required to complete each chunk

work backwards from the deadline and create a timeline

put the timeline where the child can see it

encourage your child to mark completed chunks to see the progress made on the task

4. Make space for homework

Life is busy. Parents can create positive study habits by allocating family time for this. This could mean carving out one hour after dinner for your child to do homework while you engage in a study activity such as reading, rather than watching television and relaxing. You can also create a comfortable and inviting reading space for the child to learn in.

Parents’ ability to support their child’s learning goes beyond homework. Parents can engage their child in discussions, read with them, and provide them with other ongoing learning opportunities (such as going to a museum, watching a documentary or spending time online together).

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40 Top Parenting Tips for Navigating Homework Challenges

Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge

• October 6, 2023

Navigating the intricacies of homework assignments can often feel like a maze for both parents and children alike. As someone deeply involved in child development and having worked closely with many educators, I've gathered a wealth of insights into establishing a solid homework routine. 

This article is a compilation of those tried-and-tested homework tips, aimed to ease challenges and enhance productivity. Whether you're looking to foster a deeper connection with your child's teacher or seeking effective strategies to prioritize tasks, I'm here to guide you.

Homework Tips for Parents: Break the Stress and Boost Learning Hacks from a Children’s Psychologist

Homework tip: setting up the environment.

• Establish a Routine: Set a specific time and place for homework to create consistency and predictability.
• Routine Consistency: Keep the routine consistent, even on weekends, so the child knows what to expect.
• Provide a Quiet Space: Ensure your child has a quiet, well-lit, and comfortable place to work, free from distractions. 
• Limit Distractions: Keep TVs, mobile phones, and other distracting electronics off during homework time.
• Limit Overall Stimuli: A clutter-free workspace can reduce distractions. Try to minimize items on their workspace that they might fidget with or get distracted by.
• Stay Organized: Use planners, calendars, or apps to keep track of assignment due dates.
• Equip the Space: Stock the homework area with essential supplies such as pencils, paper, erasers, and rulers

Homework Tip: Instruction Support

• Clear and Concise Instructions: Ensure instructions are short and to the point. Use visuals and watch for body language signals that show understanding.

• Break Tasks Into Manageable Chunks : If an assignment is extensive, break it down into smaller steps to make it more manageable.
• Chunking Information: Divide information into smaller, more digestible chunks. This can make the work seem more manageable.
• Set Time Limits: Use a timer to allocate specific amounts of time for each task, helping children stay on track.
• Timers: Use a visual timer, so they can see how much time they have left to work. This can make the passage of time more tangible.
• Teach Time Management: Help them prioritize their tasks, tackling more challenging or urgent assignments first.
• Stay Involved: Regularly check in with your child about their assignments and progress, offering guidance when needed.
• Interactive Tools: Consider using interactive educational tools or apps that can make learning more engaging for them.
• Ask Them To Explain What The Task Is: Gage what your child understands before they start the task. This will help set them in the right direction and give you a sense of what they know.

Homework Tip: Brain Hacks

• Physical Activity: Encourage short bursts of physical activity during breaks, like jumping jacks or a quick walk around the block. Physical activity can help increase attention span.
• Encourage Breaks: For longer homework sessions, ensure kids take short breaks to rest their minds and bodies.
• Offer Healthy Snacks : Brain-boosting snacks can help maintain energy and focus during study time. Fizzy drinks such as a seltzer-magnesium drink can stimulate and calm the brain.
• Shorter Work Periods: Divide homework time into shorter, more frequent sessions. For instance, instead of a continuous 30-minute session, try three 10-minute sessions with short breaks in between.
• Visual Schedules: Use visual aids like charts or diagrams to outline the tasks that need completion. This can help them understand what's expected and track their progress.
• Tactile Tools: For some children, using tactile tools like stress balls or fidget toys can help them channel their extra energy and maintain focus.

• Background Music: Some children focus better with low-volume, non-distracting background music or white noise. But others are stressed by it , so play around and do what works best for them (not you!). 
• Color Coding: Use colors to categorize and prioritize tasks. This can help visually differentiate and organize their work.
• Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, visualization, or even short meditation sessions can help center their attention.

Homework Tip: Monitoring, Communication and Positive Reinforcement

• Stay Positive : In your own mindset. Focus on the effort and improvements, not just the end result. Praise hard work and resilience.
• Encourage Independence Over Time: While it's essential to offer support, allow kids to complete assignments on their own as they build skills before you check the work. This fosters responsibility and self-reliance.
• Be Available for Questions: Make sure your child knows they can come to you if they have questions or need clarification on a topic.
• Connect Learning to Real Life: Help your child see the real-world applications of what they're learning to make it more engaging.
• Review Completed Assignments: Go over finished homework to ensure understanding and check for errors, but avoid doing the work for them.
• Explain Consequences and Establish Rewards: Positive reinforcement can motivate your child. Consider rewards for consistent homework completion.
• Encourage a Growth Mindset: Teach your child to see challenges as opportunities for growth. Emphasize the value of persistence and learning from mistakes. Talk to kids about how regular practice builds skills even when the learning is hard!
• Positive Reinforcement: Reinforce positive behavior immediately. If they've focused well for a short span, reward that effort to encourage repetition of the desired behavior.
• Active Participation: Encourage them to engage actively with their work, such as reading aloud or teaching the content back to you. This can reinforce their understanding and attention.
• Regular Check-ins: Check in more frequently during their homework sessions, offering guidance, encouraging movement to support brain alertness.
• Immediate Feedback: Give immediate feedback on their work. This keeps them engaged and lets them know they're on the right track.
• Open Communication: Ensure your child feels comfortable discussing their challenges with you. Sometimes, they might have insights into what might help them focus better.

Long Game Parent Homework Tips

• Stay Informed: If your child has a diagnosed attention disorder, like ADHD, stay updated with the latest strategies and recommendations specific to their needs. You can join our CALM Brain Parenting Community for science-backed solutions to support attention and learning. 
• Stay in Touch with Teachers: Regular communication with educators can give insights into how your child is doing and where they might need additional help. They may benefit from school accommodations or more formal IEP support .
• Seek External Support: If focus issues persist, consider seeking help from a tutor, educational therapist, or counselor familiar with attention challenges.

Reflecting on these pivotal parent homework tips, it becomes evident that with the right strategies, we can turn potential struggles into stepping stones for success. By instilling a consistent homework routine and maintaining open communication with your child, we're setting the stage for academic achievements. 

Each child is a unique individual, and it's crucial to discover what resonates best with them during homework time. It is also important to look for root causes better and better understand why your child is struggling . 

With these tools at your disposal, I'm confident in your ability to lead your child through the myriad tasks and challenges that lie ahead. Together, let's make every homework session a journey of growth and discovery and tamp down frustration!

Always remember… “Calm Brain, Happy Family™”

Disclaimer: This article is not intended to give health advice and it is recommended to consult with a physician before beginning any new wellness regime. *The effectiveness of diagnosis and treatment vary by patient and condition. Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC does not guarantee certain results.

Are you looking for SOLUTIONS for your struggling child or teen? 

Dr. Roseann and her team are all about science-backed solutions, so you are in the right place!

Grab your complimentary copy of 147 Therapist-Endorsed Self-Regulation Strategies for Children: A Practical Guide for Parents

You can get her books for parents and professionals, including: It’s Gonna Be OK™: Proven Ways to Improve Your Child’s Mental Health , Teletherapy Toolkit™ and Brain Under Attack: A Resource For Parents and Caregivers of Children With PANS, PANDAS, and Autoimmune Encephalopathy.

If you are a business or organization that needs proactive guidance to support employee mental health or an organization looking for a brand representative, check out Dr. Roseann’s professional speaking page to see how we can work together.

Dr. Roseann is a Children’s Mental Health Expert and Therapist who has been featured in/on hundreds of  media outlets including, CBS, NBC, FOX News, PIX11 NYC, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider, USA Today, CNET, Marth Stewart, and PARENTS. FORBES called her, “A thought leader in children’s mental health.” 

She is the founder and director of The Global Institute of Children’s Mental Health and Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge, LLC. Dr. Roseann is a Board Certified Neurofeedback (BCN) Practitioner, a Board Member of the Northeast Region Biofeedback Society (NRBS), Certified Integrative Mental Health Professional (CIMHP) and an Amen Clinic Certified Brain Health Coach.  She is also a member of The International Lyme Disease and Associated Disease Society (ILADS), The American Psychological Association (APA), Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) National Association of School Psychologists (NASP), International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) International Society for Neurofeedback and Research (ISNR) and The Association of Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback (AAPB).

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You and Your Child’s Homework

Doable solutions to a perennial source of tension..

Posted October 27, 2019

Homework was probably first assigned the first time a teacher was frustrated that students weren’t learning enough—and that's probably when civilization began.

Since then, legions of kids have pleaded, yelled, lied, done everything possible to avoid the dreaded task.

Alas, it falls to the parent to be homework’s policeman, although perhaps a case could be made for leaving homework to the child’s discretion. Doing so is more likely to build intrinsic motivation rather than fear of punishment .

Leaving the homework decision to the child teaches them to not blindly accept authority, doing homework just because the teacher assigns it. It avoids nightly fights, and without your lifting a finger, your child will reap the consequences of doing or not doing homework that should encourage responsibility. Besides, most kids' ultimate success or even work ethic won't be decimated because they only did homework when they felt it was worth doing.

That said, it’s probably true that most homework probably does increase learning—After all, time-on-task is among education ’s few truisms. And kids who don’t do homework get lower report card grades. That may matter little in elementary school, except that it’s probably wise to establish good habits early. Also, kids’ self-esteem is based heavily (too heavily?) on their grades.

But in high school, the homework escape artist’s GPA will probably be downgraded, thereby reducing college options, although even that may be far from critical. For example, less-selective colleges are more teaching- than research-oriented than are designer-label universities, so your homework-avoidant kid may get a better education there. And at such colleges, there's usually more time for extracurriculars, which arguably are more central to life success, not to mention pleasure, than their GPA.

But at minimum, homework teaches discipline. Alas, we all must do things we don’t like. So maybe it is best to start training early.

Indeed, most parents, even radical counterculturists, tend to get conservative when it comes to their kid's homework—they want Junior to get it done, maybe not to the pinnacle of perfection, but at least to get the darn thing finished.

In that spirit of moderation, here are some practical tactics for getting the kiddo to do homework and maybe learn something along the way. The focus here is on what's realistic in the real world—I call these tips, as all in this series, doables .

Can you get your budding bumpkin to agree on a time each day to do the dastardly deed? A logical time is a few minutes after getting home, maybe after a snack, and if you’re there, after telling of the day’s boons and brickbats. Or if, like many kids, sitting for six hours in school makes your kid crave movement, fine, send your pride and joy out to burn some adrenaline and return just in time to do the homework before dinner. Post-dinner is usually worse because food coma or other fatigue is more likely to set in.

Unless you’re blessed with one of the rare kids who do their homework without your having to peep, you may need to negotiate a bit, at least when first trying to inculcate some self-starter-hood. For example:

Kid: Do I have to do my homework?

Parent: What do you think? Anything you want to look forward to as soon as you get it done?

Kid: Don’t give me that. I hate homework, and tonight’s is hard!

Parent: I’ll make you a deal. You start, and if you reach a hard part, I’ll help you just enough to get over the hump. So, do you want to do your homework in your room or at the kitchen table?

Kid: Nowhere.

Parent laughs and shoots a schoolmarmy look.

Kid toddles off. One minute later...

Kid: I need help!

The parent spends only the minimum time helping, not doing the hard part, but asking the child a question in hopes that will enable him or her to do it.

Kid: Why do I need to do this anyway?! I get enough math in school, and I don’t even need to know that : calculating the volume of a tetrahedron?!

Parent: Well, it probably helps improve your thinking skills, and you can’t say that’s not important.

Kid: I improve my thinking skills more by solving the problems in video games.

Parent: Good, do your homework, and then you can play a video game stuffed with thinking problems—and I’m not referring to Grand Theft Auto.

Kid: That’s not fair. That’s my favorite game!

Parent: OK, this is kind of fun, but it’s taking too long (with a pleasant look). Get the darn homework done, show it to me, let’s have dinner, and then you can play...

Kid: Grand Theft!

Parent: For 15 minutes. I’ll set a timer, you monster, you!

That whole exchange took less than two minutes, avoided undue oppositionality, made a reasonable case for homework sans long lecture, and, if anything, strengthened the parent-child bond. And while on one hand, the playful negotiation rewarded the child’s stalling, a conversation like that boosts the chances that the child will subsequently do homework with less, and eventually no, shenanigans—maybe.

Of course, I’m well aware that many parents are too rarely in the mood for negotiation, let alone humorous negotiation, so you might view such an approach as merely aspirational. Remember, If your child runs slipshod or doesn’t do part or even all of his homework that night, life as we know it won't end. A little perspective can make life easier for all concerned. And that’s certainly doable .

The most recent installments of my series, Doables : baby steps to a better life, focus on the K-12 parent’s role: choosing a school, homework, friends, sex , and soon, drugs, and preparing your child for college or other post-high-school options.

I read this aloud on YouTube.

Marty Nemko, Ph.D ., is a career and personal coach based in Oakland, California, and the author of 10 books.

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An Age-By-Age Guide to Helping Kids Manage Homework

D o you ever wonder whether homework is gauging the child’s ability to complete assignments or the parent’s? On one end of the spectrum, a parent might never mention homework and assume it gets done independently; on the other end are the parents who micromanage to be sure every worksheet is absolutely perfect.

Being too laissez faire about homework might deny a child the support they need to develop executive functioning skills, but being too involved could stifle their independence. So how much parent participation in homework is actually appropriate throughout a child’s education?

Basic homework tips

According to Scholastic , you should follow these rules of thumb to support your child during homework (without going overboard):

• Stay nearby and available for questions without getting right in the middle of homework.
• Avoid the urge to correct mistakes unless your child asks for help.
• Instead of nagging, set up a homework routine with a dedicated time and place.
• Teach time management for a larger project by helping them break it into chunks.

Child psychologist Dr. Emily W. King recently wrote about rethinking homework in her newsletter. King explains at what ages kids are typically able to do homework independently, but she writes that each child’s ability to concentrate at the end of the day and use executive functioning skills for completing tasks is very individual. I talked to her for more information on how much parental involvement in homework completion is needed, according to a child’s age and grade level.

Kindergarten to second grade

Whether children even need homework this early is a hot debate. Little ones are still developing fine motor skills and their ability to sit still and pay attention at this age.

“If a child is given homework before their brain and body are able to sit and focus independently, then we are relying on the parent or other caregivers to sit with the child to help them focus,” King said. “Think about when the child is able to sit and focus on non-academic tasks like dinner, art, or music lessons. This will help you tease out executive functioning skills from academic understanding.”

Elementary-age children need time for unstructured play and structured play like music, arts, and sports. They need outside time, free time, and quiet time, King said. For children who are not ready for independent work, nightly reading with another family member is enough “homework,” she said.

Third to fifth grades

Many children will be able to do homework independently in grades 3-5. Even then, their ability to focus and follow through may vary from day to day.

“Most children are ready for practicing independent work between third and fifth grade, but maybe not yet in the after-school hours when they are tired and want to rest or play. We need to begin exposing children to organization and structure independently in late elementary school to prepare them for more independence in middle school,” King said.

Neurodivergent kids may need more parental support for several years before they work independently.

“Neurodivergent children, many of whom have executive functioning weaknesses, are not ready to work independently in elementary school. Children without executive functioning weaknesses (e.g., the ability to remain seated and attend to a task independently) are able to do this somewhere between third and fifth grade, but it’s very possible they can work independently at school but be too tired to do it later in the afternoon,” King said. “We need to follow the child’s skills and give them practice to work independently when they seem ready. Of course, if a child wants to do extra work after school due to an interest, go for it.”

For students who are not ready to work independently in middle school, it is better to reduce the amount of homework they are expected to complete so they can practice independence and feel successful.

Middle school

In sixth grade and later, kids are really developing executive functioning skills like planning, organizing, paying attention, initiating, shifting focus, and execution. They will still need your encouragement to keep track of assignments, plan their time, and stick to a homework routine.

“Middle school students need lots of organization support and putting systems in place to help them keep track of assignments, due dates, and materials,” King said.

High school

By this point, congratulations: You can probably be pretty hands-off with homework. Remain open and available if your teen needs help negotiating a problem, but executing plans should be up to them now.

“In high school, parents are working to put themselves out of a job and begin stepping back as children take the lead on homework. Parents of high schoolers are ‘homework consultants,’” King said. “We are there to help solve problems, talk through what to say in an email to a teacher, but we are not writing the emails or talking to the teachers for our kids.”

What if homework is not working for them (or you)

There are a number of reasons a child might not be managing homework at the same level as their peers, including academic anxiety and learning disabilities.

If your child is showing emotional distress at homework time, it might be a sign that they have run out of gas from the structure, socialization, and stimulation they have already been through at school that day. One way to support kids is to teach them how to have a healthy balance of work and play time.

“When we ask students to keep working after school when their tank is on empty, we likely damage their love of learning and fill them with dread for tomorrow,” King wrote in her newsletter.

King said in her experience as a child psychologist, the amount of homework support a child needs is determined by their individual abilities and skills more than their age or grade level.

“All of these steps vary for a neurodivergent child and we are not following these guidelines by age or grade but rather by their level of skills development to become more independent,” she said. “In order to independently complete homework, a child must be able to have attended to the directions in class, brought the materials home, remember to get the materials out at home, remember to begin the task, understand the task, remain seated and attention long enough to complete the task, be able to complete the task, return the work to their backpack, and return the work to the teacher. If any of these skills are weak or the child is not able to do these independently, there will be a breakdown in the system of homework. You can see why young students and neurodivergent students would struggle with this process.”

If you and your child have trouble meeting homework expectations, talk to their teacher about what could be contributing to the problem and how to modify expectations for them.

“Get curious about your child’s skill level at that time of day,” King said. “Are they able to work independently at school but not at home? Are they not able to work independently any time of day? Are they struggling with this concept at school, too? When are they successful?”

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The Age-by-Age Guide to Teaching Kids Time Management

Use these tips to help your child discover how to plan and prioritize her time..

Many kids are overwhelmed by the prospect of fitting everything they have and want to do into the few short hours after school. Between homework, activities, and just time to play, there’s a lot to do. But even though most kids don’t have the cognitive skills to organize their schedules independently until middle school, you can start teaching them how to plan and prioritize their time now. “When we teach children strategies for time management from an early age, they internalize them, which sets them up for lifelong success,” says Lynn Meltzer, Ph.D., president of the Research Institute for Learning and Development , a nonprofit research and educational organization.

Wondering how the heck to begin? No worries. Teachers shared their tips on the essential concepts and lessons to teach, age by age, so you can make this school year’s schedule more manageable, successful, and a whole lot more fun for everyone! 

Time Management Tips for Preschoolers

For 3- and 4-year-olds, time is essentially divided into now, and not now. But that’s enough to help them figure out how to predict and plan what comes next. To reinforce that knowledge:

• Talk about the changing seasons. All those leaf prints (and later in the year, snowflakes) on display in almost every preschool classroom aren’t coincidental, says Stephanie Lampert, a pre-K teacher from Atlanta. The seasons are a primary vehicle for introducing the cyclical nature of time. “It’s an extremely abstract concept,” she says, “and preschoolers are extremely concrete thinkers. By observing a tree over the seasons, for example, kids can see the progression: The green leaves of summer turn red, then brown, and eventually fall off the tree before coming back to life again in the spring. This is a tangible representation of the passage of time that little ones can understand.” How does that help with time management? By observing the patterns in nature and in their daily lives, little kids intuitively grasp the concept of time — and how to create order. Reinforce those lessons by having your child sort family photos by seasons, for instance. Or point out patterns in nature when you go for a walk.
• Create a (picture) schedule. “As adults, we use apps and calendars to remind us what we should be doing and when. In the preschool world, we use pictures — like an apple for snacktime and a book for storytime,” says Ellen Dietrick, a Needham, MA, preschool director whose classrooms are dotted with visual cues to keep her young charges on track. So while these 3- and 4-year-olds can’t tell you the exact hour they have snacks, they know it comes after circle time and before the bathroom break. “It gives them a comforting sense of order and predictability,” Dietrick says. Since little kids love routines and repetition so much, create charts of your child’s morning and bedtime rituals. Then have your child check off the steps as he does them — an important lesson in breaking up a bigger chore into smaller, more manageable ones. Try these nine ways to make choretime fun , too. 
• Practice waiting. “Time management, at its most basic level, is the ability to delay gratification,” a skill linked to better study habits and grades, among other things, says Dietrick. To strengthen time management, Dietrick devises situations that require her students to wait for something they want. “If they clamor for pajama day, for example, we schedule it for a week away, rather than the following day,” she explains. “We mark the days off on the calendar and build up the excitement as the event gets closer. This gives them a sense of what it feels like to postpone something — and a positive experience to associate with it.” Try something similar with outings and birthdays: Begin talking up that trip to the zoo a few days beforehand, for instance, or tell your child to keep a running birthday wish list. Even planting a bulb, watering it, and watching it slowly bloom teaches the art of patience.

Time Management Tips for Children in Grades K to 2

As kids move through these early grades, they’re learning to read calendars and clocks. Those are the basics they need to stick to a schedule. To reinforce the skill:

• Find a place for everything. “A kid can’t finish his morning work if he can’t find his pencil. So organization has to come before time management,” notes Staci Carper, a first-grade teacher from Marietta, GA. To motivate her students, Carper created Deskalina, a cousin of the tooth fairy, who looks for clean and orderly desks and leaves a note, a prize, or a piece of candy when she finds one. When Deskalina starts flitting about, the desks in Carper’s classroom suddenly become tidy. Carper also sets up clear routines, like a “Keep Here” folder for unfinished schoolwork and a “Take Home” one for homework. To encourage your child to keep her homework supplies (or room) organized, invent your own mythical being to bestow treats and notes. An easy-to-spot weekly checklist (“Homework in backpack? Reading log signed?”) will also go a long way in keeping your kid on top of things.
• Use a visual timer. To help her first graders comprehend how much time is left to complete a task, Carper displays a pie-like visual timer on her Smartboard. When she sets it for 15 minutes, for example, one-quarter of the “pie” turns green. As the seconds tick away, the slice becomes smaller, and when there are only five minutes left, the slice turns red. Seeing time literally slipping away can help kids pace themselves, she explains. You don’t have to be a teacher to score a visual timer — apps like Children’s Countdown (for younger kids) and Time Timer  fit the bill just as well. So do old-school egg and sand timers. Use any during homework sessions. If you have a second grader, for instance, set the timer for 20 or 25 minutes. Give your child a star each night he finishes before the buzzer, and reward a week’s worth of stars with a special treat over the weekend (like a one-on-one walk to the park with you). The goal is to help kids tackle their assignments more effectively and efficiently, while making them more aware of the ticking clock, Carper says.
• Be clear about consequences. “Grade-schoolers can and should be held accountable for their own assignments and they need to feel the consequences when they drop the ball,” says Joan Greenfield, a second-grade teacher from West Hartford, CT. Sometimes those results happen naturally (i.e., if she doesn’t study her spelling words, she probably won’t do well on the test); other times an adult has to set the ramifications. Every Friday, for example, Greenfield has something called Choice Time, when students get to choose what they want to play with, from board games to Legos to computers. “My students live for Choice Time. But our class rule is that they only get to participate if they’ve completed all the assignments in their classwork folders.” The valuable lesson kids get? “Good things happen when I work hard and manage my time and missing them is what happens when I don’t,” Greenfield explains. Your child has a better shot at absorbing this lesson if you resist the urge to email an excuse to the teacher every time she fails to turn in her homework, says Greenfield. Instead, give your kid the onus of explaining to the teacher what went wrong, and how she plans to avoid the problem next time. Discover more do's and don't for helping your child with homework . 

Time Management for Children in Grades 3 to 5

Homework and extracurriculars increase at this age so it’s even more important that kids learn how to set goals, prioritize, organize, and think flexibly, says Dr. Meltzer. Your goal: To get your child to manage his time more purposefully, without a lot of nagging and hovering. How to accomplish this:

• Work on estimating time. “In order to make a realistic schedule, you need a good sense of how long things take,” says Marcia Grosswald, an upper-elementary resource teacher in Summit, NJ. To teach this vital skill, Grosswald has her students spend a few minutes at the end of the day planning their after-school hours. “I give them a chart that breaks the afternoon and evening hours into 15-minute intervals,” she explains. “Each time slot is followed by three columns: what kids plans to do, what they actually did, and reflection.” The reflection piece is essential, Grosswald says, because constantly reassessing how things are going helps a kid adapt his schedule accordingly: Last time I had a soccer game at 5 p.m., I had tough time concentrating on my homework afterward. This time, I’m going to do my hardest assignments before practice.  If your child’s teacher doesn’t do this, do it yourself at home. Make a chart, have your child fill out the first column himself, and then fill out the last two items together, discussing what went according to plan — and what your child can do about the things that went awry.
• Plan for long-term assignments. Deciding when to do tonight’s math assignment is one thing. Figuring out how and when to tackle the book report diorama that’s due three weeks from Tuesday is quite another.  “The key with long-range projects is to break them down into smaller steps — reading the book, for instance, or shopping for materials — and then break those tasks down into even smaller nightly assignments, like reading chapters one to three,” says Amy Broocke, who coordinates a tutoring program at her school in Richmond, VA. She also suggests your child use sticky notes when she’s adding tasks to the calendar; that way, the note can easily be moved to another day if the assignment takes longer than expected. Your child can also plan the steps necessary to complete a project by working backward from the due date, suggests Grosswald. Talk through the process together so the assignment feels less overwhelming: You probably need a day to shop for materials and three days to do the diorama. That leaves you with 10 days to finish the book. It’s 150 pages long so you need to read 15 pages a day. Here's how to create a stress-free study space . 
• Set priorities. “It’s essential kids learn to differentiate between ‘have tos’ and ‘want tos’ and learn to prioritize and self-monitor,” says Meltzer. To help her class do that, Grosswald uses a rock, pebble, and water analogy. The rocks and pebbles represent the students’ duties, she explains, with the rocks signifying their most essential tasks (like school, homework, and sleep) and the pebbles representing their extracurricular commitments. The water stands in for want-to-dos, like video games and hanging out with friends. “I use a jar to represent a day,” she says. “The rocks go in first because they are things you have to do whether you like it or not. Next come the pebbles. But there’s still some room in the jar, so we pour water until our jar — and the day is full.” If you do the rock jar at home, as I did, you’ll have a chance to chat with your kid about her goals, priorities and passions. Don’t be afraid to make changes if you notice the balance is a bit out of whack. After our conversation, we decided Emma would kick off the school year with fewer extracurricular pebbles crammed between the rocks — and a lot more of that refreshing water known as chill time.

Photo credit: 101cats/iStockphoto

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8 Ways to Teach Kids Self-Discipline Skills

No matter which type of discipline you use with your child, the ultimate goal of your parenting strategy should be to teach your child self-discipline.

Self-discipline helps kids delay gratification, resist unhealthy temptations, and tolerate the discomfort needed to reach their long-term goals. From choosing to turn off the video game to work on homework, to resisting an extra cookie when Mom isn't looking, self-discipline is the key to helping kids become responsible adults. 

It's important to give kids the skills they need to develop self-discipline as well as an opportunity to practice making good choices.

Provide Structure

Create a similar schedule every day and your child will get used to the routine. When they know what they are supposed to be doing, they will be less likely to get derailed by other activities.

A good morning routine helps kids know when it's time to eat breakfast, comb their hair, brush their teeth, and get dressed. A good after-school routine teaches kids how to divide their time between chores, homework, and fun activities. And a consistent bedtime routine will help kids settle down and fall asleep faster.

Keep your child's routines simple. With practice, your child will learn to implement the routine without your assistance.

Explain the Reason Behind Your Rules

When it comes to helping kids learn how to make healthy choices, an authoritative approach is best because it helps kids understand the reasons for the rules.

Instead of saying, “Do your homework now because I said so,” explain the underlying reason for the rule.

Say, “It’s a good choice to do your homework first and then have free time later, as a reward for getting your work done.” This helps your child to understand the underlying reasons for your rules. Instead of saying, "My mom said I have to do this," your child will understand the rules serve a purpose. 

Of course, you don't want to launch into lengthy lectures that will bore your child. But a quick explanation about why you think certain choices are important can help your child understand choices better.

Give Consequences

Sometimes, natural consequences can teach some of life's greatest lessons. A child who constantly forgets to grab their jacket as they run out the door won't learn if a parent always delivers their jacket to the school. Facing the natural consequences of their behavior (like feeling cold at recess) might help them remember to get their coat next time.

At other times, kids need logical consequences . A child who plays too rough with their mother’s computer might learn to be gentler when they lose computer privileges. Or a child who has trouble getting up in the morning may need an earlier bedtime that night.

It’s important to avoid power struggles . Trying to force your child to do something won't teach self-discipline.

Explain what the negative consequences will be if your child makes a poor choice. Then, let your child make the choice.

Say, "When you pick up your toys, you'll have more time to play outside." Follow through with a consequence if they don't pick up, but don't yell or try to force them into compliance.

Keep in mind that kids need to learn how to make healthy decisions on their own, by examining the potential consequences of their behavior.

Shape Behavior One Step at a Time

Self-discipline is a process that takes years to hone and refine. Use age-appropriate discipline strategies to shape behavior one step at a time.

Instead of expecting a 6-year-old to suddenly be able to do their entire morning routine without any reminders, use a picture chart on the wall that depicts combing hair, brushing teeth, and getting dressed. You can even take pictures of your child doing these activities and create your own chart.

When necessary, provide reminders to your child to look at the chart until they are able to look at the chart and do each task on his own. Eventually, they will need fewer reminders and won’t require the chart at all.

Any time your child is learning a new skill or gaining more independence, help them do so one small step at a time.

Praise Good Behavior

Provide positive attention and praise whenever your child demonstrates self-discipline. Point out the good behavior you want to see more often. For example, instead of saying, "Good job not hitting your brother when you were mad," say, "Good job using your words to solve the problem."

Sometimes good behavior goes unnoticed. Giving kids praise for making good choices increases the likelihood that they’ll repeat that behavior.

Provide praise when kids do things without requiring reminders. Say, “Great job sitting down to do your homework before I even told you to!” or “I’m so proud that you chose to clean your room today all on your own.” Even saying, “Great job putting your dish in the sink when you were done eating,” can encourage a repeat performance.

Teach Problem-Solving Skills

Teach problem-solving skills and work together to correct specific issues related to self-discipline. Sometimes, asking kids what they think would be helpful can be an eye-opening experience that can lead to creative solutions.

There may be a fairly simple solution to a behavior problem. A child who struggles to get dressed in time for school may benefit from having their outfit picked out the night before. Setting a timer for five minutes might also keep them on task.

More complex problems may require a series of trial and error type interventions. A teenager who isn’t getting their homework done may need several changes before they become more motivated to get their work done on their own. Try removing a privilege . If that doesn’t work, try having them stay after school to see if they can get their work done before they come home.

Keep trying different solutions until you can find something that works while keeping your child involved in the process.

Model Self-Discipline

Kids learn best by watching adults. If your child sees you procrastinating or choosing to watch TV instead of doing the dishes, they’ll pick up on your habits. Make it a priority to  model self-discipline . 

Pay attention to areas where you might struggle with discipline. Perhaps you spend too much money or lose your temper when you're angry. Work on those areas and make it clear to your child that you seek to do better.

Reward Good Behavior

A reward system can target specific behavior problems. A preschooler who struggles to stay in their own bed at night may benefit from a sticker chart to motivate them. An older child who struggles to do homework on time and get chores done may benefit from a token economy system .

Reward systems should be short-term. Phase them out as your child begins to gain self-discipline.

Keep in mind that there are plenty of rewards that don’t cost money . Use extra privileges, like electronics time, to motivate your child to become more responsible.  

Morin A. 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do: Raising Self-Assured Children and Training Their Brains for a Life of Happiness, Meaning, and Success . HarperCollins, 2017.

Zimmerman BJ, Kitsantas A. Comparing students’ self-discipline and self-regulation measures and their prediction of academic achievement . Contemp Educ Psychol . 2014;39(2):145-155. ​doi:10.1016/j.cedpsych.2014.03.004

By Amy Morin, LCSW Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, an international bestselling author of books on mental strength and host of The Verywell Mind Podcast. She delivered one of the most popular TEDx talks of all time.

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Is There A "Right Way" To Help My Kid With Their Homework?

Most kids need to learn to do homework in the same way they learn to swim or, even better, do their own laundry.

How much should we help our kids with their homework? I barely remember getting any help from my own parents as a kid. Maybe they were busy, or maybe I rarely asked for help. And my son doesn’t, either. But we find ourselves micromanaging him to make sure he takes his time and does a good job. And I worry that it may actually be to his detriment. Is this diluting his sense of independence and accountability? Will it make him over-reliant on us? And will it skew his teacher’s view of how well he’s doing when he’s allowed to work independently?

Before I had kids, I did my final internship as a school psychologist in an outrageously wealthy school district. The parenting was beyond intensive, I felt. The kids, spoiled and neutered of their own confidence or competence for getting by without parental intrusion. Mothers in $200 yoga pants showed up at all hours in the school offices to micromanage (or sometimes, just because they were bored). One day on my commute, I heard the psychologist Madeline Levine being interviewed on the radio. Levine’s work (her books include The Price of Privilege : How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids ) focuses on children and teens in communities like this one, who, she believes, are so over-protected that they launch into the world not knowing how to recover from minor setbacks or, say, do their own laundry. A mother called in to ask Levine a question: If she noticed that her third-grader left her completed homework at home, should she bring it to school for her so her child didn’t get a poor grade, or let them learn from their mistake by dealing with the natural consequences?

As you can imagine, Levine gently chastised the version of this mother who would take time out of her own day to haul a forgotten homework assignment into the school office on behalf of her poor child — and I chastised along with her. Now, 10 years and two kids later, I know better. Though Levine’s work is richer than this one anecdote, this mother’s question (and yours) aren’t as simple as experts want us to believe.

Homework stress is born of a culture that takes parental oversight as a given. It takes work to buck these trends.

This conundrum gets at one of the central themes of our current parenting culture: oversight and the conditions that encourage it. We want our kids to roam the streets in packs like we used to, to have unsupervised play dates, to learn how to make a simple quesadilla. We want them, most importantly, to feel confident and capable. But the structures of our modern society, and the habits we’ve picked up watching the parents around us, virtually and IRL, complicate the free-choice scenario that psychologists like Levine lay out. There don’t seem to be any other kids out there to roam with, we feel that other parents expect us to monitor their children, we don’t hear about parents letting their kids work the burners anymore. As we’re all probably tired of hearing, on average, parents today spend much more time with their children than our parents did with us. The kind of independence your parents gave you with homework was probably equal parts ambient cultural-parenting expectations, and logistics. When a child falls in the forest, and their parents are constantly checking on them because that’s what parents do these days, will they learn to pick themselves back up?

Culture influences the logistics of our parenting lives. If your children go to a school where most of the students come from households where parents work multiple jobs, or where families are transient, it’s unlikely that homework will be designed for much parental intervention; it just wouldn’t be fair or appropriate. For this reason, many schools leave big, labor-intensive projects to be done during the school day, and assign homework as remedial practice, something they might encourage, but would never expect parents to oversee. Other schools, because of the level of financial and educational resources available to their families, assume an enormous amount of parental involvement in homework, and plan accordingly. Parents of even young children may find themselves staring down a 10-part assignment, complete with researching and gathering specimens and writing, tasks that even the most precocious elementary-schooler would not be able to do on their own.

What parents need to do to support their children with homework isn’t some objective parenting rule: it’s impacted by the assumptions, often unspoken, of the spaces we live in. You can be the parent who pushes back against this — and I encourage you to try it — but it’s not just an individual problem. Homework stress is born of a culture that takes parental oversight as a given. It takes work to buck these trends. Some explicit boundaries — that your partner, if you have one, should also agree to — might be necessary. We help for 10 minutes a night and after that we write a note that this is really too much to be expecting from home. Or we get really clear on what our kid can do on their own and what they need us for, and ask them to come and get us for our parts.

If your kiddo is really struggling with the content of the homework — remembering how to subtract with borrowing, for example — I would certainly do some re-teaching if needed (and if you also happen to remember how to do that). But I would want their teacher to be very clear on what they can do on their own and what they need a lot of hand-holding on. If you write the essay for them, or re-teach the whole math lesson several times, the person who needs to keep track of what they’ve learned and how well will be getting false information. Some families make a plan with the teacher that they will circle problems that were done with parent help to communicate just that.

Homework is, mostly, in my opinion, and in the opinion of many researchers, totally pointless, so your kid doing a half-assed job on it might mean less than you think it does.

All of that aside, there’s the issue of what to do when your values of independence and autonomy seem to be conflicting with your values of hard work and thoughtful effort. Maybe the homework is reasonable and your kid can generally manage it, but it’s meaningful to you to have them give a bit more. Just like my child’s pediatrician counseled early on not to get too hung up on what he was eating every day, but to think about diet as a longer-term project, I would encourage you to zoom up to the bigger picture of your child’s work ethic. Often we parents forget that our kids are spending hours upon hours each day, out of our sight, tirelessly completing tasks assigned to them by adults, often with little satisfaction. If your kid is doing this, but slacking a bit on the homework, that’s quite different from a kid who is constantly turning in careless work. Homework is, mostly, in my opinion, and in the opinion of many researchers, totally pointless, so your kid doing a half-assed job on it might mean less than you think it does.

If you want to be involved in a healthy way, the best time you can spend with your child and homework is on building what we psych nerds call executive functioning skills . These are the softer skills behind the content learning that goes in to every completed worksheet or term paper — how to set-up spaces for doing work that promote your sustained focus, how to break down long-term assignments into smaller parts so you don’t get slammed the night before something is due, how to slow down when the task requires more care and check your work when you’re done. Some unicorn kids just get all of this intuitively, and hats off to them. But most kids, especially but not only the neurodivergent ones, need to learn to do homework in the same way they learn to swim or, even better, do their own laundry.

Honing executive function is great because it will help them in endless situations, and, ideally, it shifts the onus from you to them. If your kid has a multi-step project like a book report, for example, you can sit them down as soon as it’s assigned, draw a little calendar of the days until it’s due, and help them do some “ backwards planning ” by asking, “What will this look like when it’s done? What steps will go into making it that way? What materials will you need? How long do you think each step will take and what day will you do them on?" Or, maybe you work with them to develop a homework checklist that lives in their designated homework space, and reminds them to check their own work.

The first time (or two), you may have to sit and model these things completely, but the idea is that you gradually release the responsibility to your kid. The hope is that at some point you can just say, “Did you make your calendar with all the parts?” and they will know what you mean. This stuff not only teaches them skills they can use their whole life, but also, by design, it gets you out of the picture.

Because, as you have predicted, they will one day be an independent and accountable adult, treating their own stains and knowing somewhere in the back of their 5G-implanted minds that you did the best you could.

The Good Enough Parent is an advice column for parents who are sick of parenting advice. Let Sarah answer your questions about the messy realities of parenting! Send her your questions via this anonymous form or by emailing her at [email protected].

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Want to protect your kids' eyes from myopia get them to play outside.

Maria Godoy

Research shows kids who spend two hours a day outside are less likely to develop myopia. nazar_ab/Getty Images hide caption

Research shows kids who spend two hours a day outside are less likely to develop myopia.

If you're a parent struggling to get your kids' off their devices and outdoors to play, here's another reason to keep trying: Spending at least two hours outside each day is one of the most important things your kids can do to protect their eyesight.

" We think that outdoor time is the best form of prevention for nearsightedness," says Dr. Noha Ekdawi , a pediatric ophthalmologist in Wheaton, Ill.

And that's important, because the number of kids with nearsightedness – or myopia – has been growing rapidly in the U.S., and in many other parts of the world.

In the U.S., 42% of people are now myopic – up from 25% back in the 1970s. In some East Asian countries, as many as 90% of people are myopic by the time they're young adults.

It's a trend Ekdawi has seen among her own young patients. When she started practicing 15 years ago, one or two of the children she saw had myopia. But these days, "about 50% of my patients have myopia, which is an incredibly high number." Ekdawi calls the increase astronomical.

Myopia occurs when the eyeball stretches and grows too long, which makes far away objects look blurry.

Once a kid gets myopia, their eyeball will keep stretching and the condition will get progressively worse. If they develop high myopia , it can increase the risk of serious eye problems down the road, such as retinal detachments, glaucoma and cataracts. It can even lead to blindness.

There are treatments available to help slow the progression of myopia, including prescription atropine eye drops, special soft disposable contact lenses called MiSight, and hard contacts worn overnight known as orthokeratology, or ortho-K. But Ekdawi says the best approach is to protect children from developing myopia in the first place.

So how can spending time outside help?

Do your kids want a dog? Science may be on their side

That's what Ian Morgan wanted to find out. Morgan is a myopia researcher at the Australian National University. A couple of decades ago, he noticed that the rates of myopia in East Asia were much higher than they were in Sydney.

He knew from animal studies that light stimulates the eye to release the neurotransmitter dopamine, which can slow the eyeball from stretching. "Australians are famous for their outdoor-oriented lifestyle," he thought. "Maybe there's a link between getting outside a lot and preventing the development of myopia."

To test that theory, he and his colleagues designed a two-year study involving more than 4,000 6 and 12-year-olds in Sydney. Turns out, the researchers were right.

" The children who reported spending more time outdoors were less likely to be myopic and, we showed later on, less likely to become myopic," Morgan says of the finding , which was published in 2008.

Morgan's research caught the attention of Dr. Pei-Chang Wu , an ophthalmologist in Taiwan. As a retina specialist at Chang Gung Memorial Hospital in Kaohsiung, he'd seen the consequences of high myopia in patients as young as 10 with tears in their retina. Some even had retinal detachment – which can result in blindness if not treated quickly.

At the time, Wu's young son was starting first grade, and he worried about Taiwan's sky-high rates of myopia. Around 9 0 percent of teens there have it by the end of high school. Wu says the academic culture in Taiwan's primary schools didn't allow for much outdoor recess. "Many teachers want students to practice their homework during recess," he says.

But Wu convinced his son's elementary school to increase outdoor time. He also recruited a control school. A year later, his son's school had half as many new myopia cases as the other school. "We saw the results – they were very successful," Wu says.

He did more research, at more schools, and eventually convinced Taiwan's Ministry of Education to encourage all primary schools to send students out doors for at least 2 hours a day, every day. The program launched in September 2010. And after decades of trending upward, the rate of myopia among Taiwan's elementary school students began falling – from an all-time high of 50% in 2011 down to 45.1% by 2015 . It's a major achievement, says Ian Morgan.

"Certainly the people who have led the field are the people in Taiwan," Morgan says.

Other studies have found that outdoor time can reduce the chances that kids will develop myopia even if they're doing lots of near work, such as reading or looking at screens – something that has also risen dramatically in recent years. Outdoor time also helps even if kids have parents who have myopia.

To get that eyesight protection, research suggests kids should be spending at least two hours a day outdoors – every single day. And the younger you intervene, the better.

How to cut back on junk food in your child's diet — and when not to worry

"To me, it's like, eat your vegetables. You have to spend time outside," Ekdawi says.

It doesn't even matter if it's sunny or cloudy – or what the kids are doing. "You can go to the park, you can ride your bike, you can sit and be a tree, walk your dog. All these things count," she says.

And if you are worried about leaving time for homework, Ekdawi suggests having kids do that outside, too. As long as they are outdoors, that's what matters.

This story was edited by Jane Greenhalgh

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NEWS... BUT NOT AS YOU KNOW IT

What exactly are our children being taught about sex and what is changing?

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A controversial government proposal to ban sex education for children under the age of 13 has been revealed.

The new age limit is set to ban teaching children about ‘explicit’ topics, including changing their gender until they are 13, The Times reports.

Currently, children can be taught about sex and sexual health , including contraception, when they start secondary school at the age of 11.

Schools could be limited on discussions the government considers ‘explicit,’ such as contraception and changing gender identity.

It means children would not be taught about contraception, STIs and abortion until the age of 13.

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Discussions of sexual acts would be delayed until year 9, meaning some children might not learn about abortion or STIs until they are 13 or 14.

Schools should not teach young people about domestic violence until year 9.

The revised sex education guidance due to be announced by the education secretary Gillian Keegan is expected to put other restrictions on teaching about gender and identity.

It is thought teachers will be told to explain ‘biological’ facts when discussing gender, The Guardian reports.

She is also expected to consult on a ban to stop schools from teaching sex education of any type before children are nine.

While the details are being finalised, The Telegraph reports that the guidance is set to describe ‘gender ideology’ as a ‘contested subject,’ and that teachers must say that there are two biological sexes.

Schools will also be required to show parents samples of the material they use to educate their children, which is already a requirement in some cases.

It reportedly comes after concerns that some children are being taught age-inappropriate relationships, sex and health education, according to The Times.

However, critics have described the move as political.

Caroline Lucas, MP for Brighton Pavilion said on X (formerly Twitter ) that ‘politicising sex education is unforgivable dangerous and reactionary,’ adding that it is always age appropriate to teach children how to stay safe.

What age does sex education start in schools in the UK?

The new guidelines are expected to be more detailed on what can be discussed at what age.

Currently, all children must be taught relationships, sex and health education.

But the style and content vary depending on the school year and where in the UK you live.

In primary schools, children must now receive relationships education after changes to the law in September 2020.

Young people in secondary school must be taught relationships, sex and health education (RSHE).

However, the quality and scope of sex education can vary ‘widely’ between schools, the Family Planning Association has warned.

What do you learn at what age?

The existing guidance sets out broad topics for children aged five to eleven in primary school.

They will learn about different types of families and healthy relationships, including friendships and boundaries.

Currently, primary schools are allowed to teach additional sex education, but it is not a requirement, the guidance says.

However, they already have to consult parents before the final year of primary school about what sex education is being taught.

Primary school, ages five to 11

By the end of primary school, children should know about:

• Healthy and caring family and friendships  
• Other families and relationships may look different to theirs and they should respect differences
• Marriage is a formal and legally recognised commitment of two people and it is intended to be lifelong
• How to recognise if relationships are making them feel unsafe
• Self-respect
• Different types of bullying, including cyber bullying, its impact and responsibilities of bystanders and how to report it or get help
• Harms of stereotypes
• Being safe online and in the real world
• That each person’s body belongs to them and differences between inappropriate and appropriate contact
• How to seek help and reporting concerns, abuse, and learning the words to do so

Because sex education in primary schools is not mandatory, the current guidance to schools focuses on relationship education.

However, schools are allowed to teach sex education in primary school under the current guidance.

And if that goes beyond the national science curriculum, schools have to set it out in their policy and consult with parents.

Then in secondary school, children are taught more complex topics such as puberty, sexual relationships, consent, unsafe relationships and online harms.

In secondary school when children are aged between 11 and 16, they can be taught about sex, sexuality and gender identity ‘in an age-appropriate and inclusive way,’ the current guidance says.

The official guidance says that when teaching these topics, schools must recognise that ‘young people may be discovering or understanding their sexual orientation or gender identity.’

Secondary school, 11 to 16

In secondary school, children are taught more about sex and relationships.

It includes:  

• Different types of relationships
• What marriage is, including legal rights
• Other types of relationships
• Responsibilities of parents
• Relationships and friendships, including trust, respect, reconciliation and ending relationships
• Harmful stereotypes relating to sex, gender, race, religion, sexual orientation and disability
• Online safety and risks, including not sharing material to others they want to keep private
• That sexually explicit material like pornography presents a distorted picture of sexual behaviours
• That sharing and viewing indecent images of children is a criminal offence

When it comes to sex, sexual relationships and health, they are taught:

• How to recognise positive intimate relationships
• Their choice when it comes to sex and relationships and wellbeing
• Facts about reproductive health, including potential impact of lifestyle on fertility and menopause
• How to manage sexual pressure, including peer pressure
• That it is their choice to delay sex or to enjoy intimacy without sex
• Contraceptive choices and options
• Facts around pregnancy and miscarriage
• Sexually transmitted infections
• How the use of alcohol and drugs can lead to risky sexual behaviour
• Where to get advice

Children should be given an ‘equal opportunity to explore the features of stable and healthy same-sex relationships,’ it says.

The guidance leaves room for schools on how they decide to teach sex education.

But it does say young people in secondary school should be ‘made aware’ of the relevant legal aspects around marriage, consent, violence against women and girls, sharing nudes and ‘sexting’, pornography, abortion, sexuality and gender identity among others.

Reaction to the sex education proposal

Lucy Emmerson, chief executive of Sex Education Forum, told Metro.co.uk that the proposal is ‘so out of reality’ and it leaves young people, schools and parents confused.

She said: ‘This is going to build a gap, where young people are forced to find out information online instead of having answers from their teachers at school.’

The charity boss said what she has read so far is ‘quite confusing.’

‘And schools will be feeling quite confused: don’t say anything about sex, but keep children safe. It’s hard to make head or tail about that,’ she said.

She said all children 12 to 13 are offered the HPV vaccination in schools, but under the proposal, children should not be taught about STIs until they are 13 or 14.

‘Young people know about STDs, they have alternative methods, but raising questions at school in safety is important,’ she said.

She feared that banning talking about certain topics like gender identity gives a ‘very strong message to young people, the message that this it not allowed,’ which can lead to a culture of secrecy.

‘Saying certain things are not allowed to be discussed is a strange approach. Young people with genuine questions can’t raise them.

‘What does that mean about talking about other parts of identity?’

Imposing a ‘culture of fear’ on schools would be ‘taking a step back,’ Emmerson warned.

She continued: ‘We would like to see what evidence has gone into these proposals in order to take them seriously. We are yet to see what research-based evidence has gone into it.’

The Department for Education declined to comment.

Campaigner Evie Plumb has previously said that sex ed in schools is nowhere near the level it should be.

Speaking to Metro.co.uk podcast Smut Drop , she said people need to understand bodily autonomy to help them ‘advocate for yourself, whether that’s in the bedroom or at the GP.’

She warned that sex education needs to start early – despite parents’ fears as a lot of early sex ed should be about consent in all aspects of life.

How UK sex education compares to other countries?

Sex education varies from country to country, but some are further ahead than others.  

Sweden made sex and gender education mandatory in 1955 and it has kept updating the curriculum regularly.

It is said to go beyond just sex as children learn about alcohol and mental health and attempts to eliminate ‘prejudices and taboo,’ the European Academy of Religion and Society reports.

Italy is a bit of an anomaly compared to the rest of Europe when it comes to sex ed.

Schools in the largely Catholic country can decide if they want to teach it at all and how they do it.

A national survey carried out by the Ministry of Health in 2019 showed that majority of young Italians get their information online.

What about the US ?

As most policies and laws in the country, the 50 states can decide how they want to cover sex education.

What is covered varies widely from state to state, so getting quality or any sex education is a postcode lottery in the US.

Only 39 states and the Washington, District of Columbia, have ‘mandated sex-education,’ the Duke Centre for Global Reproductive Health said.

It warned that the sex education in the country is in ‘shambles.’

Are you a teacher or a parent? Please email [email protected] to share your thoughts on the sex ed proposal.

Get in touch with our news team by emailing us at [email protected] .

For more stories like this, check our news page .

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