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The Real Meaning of Self-realization

• Categories: Mindfulness Self Awareness

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Words: 932 |

Published: Feb 12, 2019

Words: 932 | Pages: 2 | 5 min read

Works Cited:

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• Chen, G. M., & Starosta, W. J. (2005). The impact of new media on intercultural communication in a global context. In K. Popovic (Ed.), Global communication and culture (pp. 109-122). University of West Indies Press.
• Gross, E. F., Juvonen, J., & Gable, S. L. (2002). Internet use and well-being in adolescence. Journal of Social Issues, 58(1), 75-90.
• Howe, N., & Strauss, W. (2000). Millennials rising: The next great generation. Vintage Books.
• Pew Research Center. (2019). Millennial life: How young adulthood today compares with prior generations. Pew Research Center Social & Demographic Trends.
• Rosen, L. D. (2017). The distracted mind: Ancient brains in a high-tech world. MIT Press.
• Sussman, S., Sussman, A. N., & Sussman, R. (2017). Considering the definition of addiction. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 14(8), 944.
• Twenge, J. M. (2017). iGen: Why today's super-connected kids are growing up less rebellious, more tolerant, less happy--and completely unprepared for adulthood. Atria Books.
• Wang, Q. (2013). Virtual connections, real support: A literature review on the relationship between Internet use and loneliness among older adults. Ageing International, 38(4), 561-576.

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4 Reasons Self-Realization is the Key to Unlocking Your Best Life

• March 24, 2023

The reality is, life can be overwhelming. It’s easy to get caught up in the constant pressure of who you should be and what you should do. But amidst all the noise, there’s a powerful concept that can help you find clarity and direction—it’s called self-realization.

To get into the essence of it, Jon Butcher , co-founder of Lifebook and co-trainer of the Mindvalley Quest of the same name, encourages you to ask yourself, “ What kind of a life do you want to live, and what kind of a person gets a life like that? ”

It’s like taking off a pair of dirty glasses and seeing the world in a new light. And it’s with this clarity of who you are and what you want that you can live a more fulfilling life.

What Is Self-Realization?

“Realization” is when one is fully aware of something. And in the case of “self-realization,” it’s when you’re tapped into your authentic self as well as your purpose in life.

Think of Neo from The Matrix . He comes into self-awareness as he lets go of his limiting beliefs and realizes his unique “gift” to stand up against the machines.

But this concept isn’t just for the movies. It can be found in both eastern and western philosophies. 

In eastern religions, self-realization is deeply woven into their belief systems. In Hinduism, for example, the concept is viewed as the knowledge of one’s true self that goes beyond illusions and material things. And in Buddhism, it’s an awakening to true reality.

The self-realization definition in western philosophy, on the other hand, is all about:

• Reaching one’s full potential,
• Cultivating your self-identity and purpose, and
• Contributing to the greater good of mankind and society.

While they’re not the same thing, both philosophies have the same goal in mind when it comes to self-realization. And that goal is a peaceful, fulfilled life—a life of virtue and abundance.

Self-realization vs. self-actualization

Self-realization and self-actualization are concepts that often get mixed up. Let’s take a look at a side-by-side comparison of their differences.

It goes without saying, both concepts are essential for personal growth and fulfillment. However, while self-actualization can help with external factors for a wonderful life, it first takes a good look inward with self-realization to truly achieve it.

As Jon says, “ The life you get is going to be the result of the choices you make and the actions you take. ”

Examples of Self-Realization in Life

Self-realization is about rising above your limiting beliefs and going through the stages of personal transformation . Here are a few examples of it in life:

• With career. You may have felt pressured to pursue a certain career path because of societal expectations of family pressure. However, you realize that your true passion lies elsewhere, and you decide to make a change. For example, Vishen , the founder of Mindvalley, was always taught that his career choices were to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer (fun fact: he decided to study engineering). He, as you may already know, decided to teach meditation and founded Mindvalley.
• With relationships. You may have experienced being in an unhealthy relationship. But you realize you deserve better and choose to, instead, focus on your own well-being. This is what Katherine Woodward Thomas , the author of best-selling Conscious Uncoupling and trainer of the Mindvalley Quest with the same name, went through in her previous relationship. She and her husband amicably split up but practiced the intention of being kind and generous toward each other.
• With well-being. You may have learned that material wealth equals happiness, leaving you wondering, “ What should I do with my life? ” But with reflection and understanding, you realize that true happiness comes from meaningful relationships and experiences. Take Jon Butcher , for instance. Before he founded Lifebook with his wife, Missy, he was struggling with anxiety and stress, to the point where he couldn’t leave his own house. They both weren’t happy with the way their life was going, so they decided “ to live a life that was uniquely [theirs]. ”

Self-realization is essentially a journey of self-discovery. Every stop offers you a new perspective and a chance to appreciate all that is around you. 

Why Is Self-Realization Important?

It comes as no surprise that those who’re connected to their inner selves and the world around them are more resilient. In fact, one study looking at how this concept helps in the face of adversity found that those who were more aware of their true selves showed “ better health profiles .”

What’s more, it has a huge impact on all twelve areas of life, which are defined in Lifebook created by Jon and Missy. Here are a few benefits that it offers:

1. Higher confidence and self-esteem

Self-realization is about making connections on a deep, meaningful level—both with your inner self and with the world around you. It’s like unplugging yourself from “the matrix” and seeing the world for what it truly is.

This connection allows you to rise above your worries, fears, and feelings of unworthiness. And just like Neo, it allows you to be the best you can be.

2. A sharper focus

Self-realization aligns your actions with your deepest values and ideals. This heightened awareness can help you create impactful goal statements , which you can pursue with more drive and focus. 

There’s also the ability to identify and remove toxic influences from your life, which then frees up space for positive experiences and relationships. It’s like having a laser-sharp focus on what truly matters to you and having the confidence and determination to make it happen.

Think of it like Neo after he learns to see beyond the illusion—he becomes unstoppable. And so can you.

3. Not being controlled by emotions

Fear, anxiety, and loneliness are just a few emotions that can hold you back. But when you reach a state of self-realization, you aren’t at their mercy.

This concept teaches you how to observe, face, and overcome thoughts and feelings as they arise. And as a result, you learn how to control your emotions better. 

4. Acceptance

As someone who’s self-realized, you become more open and accepting. You allow yourself to communicate freely and authentically, not only to yourself but also to those around you.

There’s no “ one size fits all ,” as Jon always says. However, when you allow yourself to embrace openness and realness, you build deeper, more meaningful relationships.

12 Ways to Develop Self-Realization

Developing self-realization is a crucial part of living a fulfilled and meaningful life. By understanding your true self and purpose, you can achieve a higher level of self-awareness and great potential.

Here are twelve ways you can tap into your authenticity, with insights taken from Jon in Mindvalley’s Lifebook Quest.

1. Take care of your health

The Butchers are advocates of taking care of physical health. In fact, it’s the foundational aspect of their Lifebook program. 

“ When you understand the relationship that exists between your health and your life, ” Jon explains, “ it leaves you with a choice to make regarding your actions. ” 

That means, what you choose to do in the moment can impact your life now or in the future.   For example, if you choose to eat sugary foods every day, you know you’ll have short-term satisfaction. However, in the long run, it’ll have a not-so-great effect on your body.

What you can do: Eat mindfully, drink enough water, exercise regularly, and get deep sleep—these are all important to maintain physical health. Not only that but when your actions are done consciously, you’ll realize the things that are good for your body and the things that aren’t.

2. Be aware of your thoughts

The incredible thing about the mind is that your thoughts can shape your reality . The way you think about yourself and the world around you can have a profound impact on your experiences and outcomes. 

“ Thinking is the foundation of achieving your extraordinary life, ” says Jon. “ The life you get is going to be the result of the choices you make and the actions you take. ”

What you can do: Journaling allows for self-reflection, helping you to process the events you experience. Additionally, it helps you work through past traumas and gain insight to move forward.

Just remember: negative or limiting beliefs can hold you back from achieving your potential. Positive and empowering ones, on the other hand, can help you reach new heights of success and fulfillment.

3. Embrace your emotions

Emotions are a natural part of the human experience. However, we’re often taught to suppress and ignore them (especially negative ones) rather than acknowledge and accept them.

As Jon says, “ Emotions are body wisdom. ” It can provide valuable information about yourself and your needs. You can use this information to make more conscious and informed decisions.

What you can do: Mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing or kundalini awakening , can help you become more aware of your emotions. 

After all, embracing your emotions is a journey that takes time and practice. So be patient and compassionate with yourself as you strive to better understand and accept them.

4. Build good character

“ The process of building a good character can be thought of as stamping your values onto yourself ,” says Jon. He further explains that the quality of your character is “ determined by how deeply engraved your values are onto your sense of self. ”

What you can do: To define the person you want to be and create the life you desire, ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you do the things you know you should do?
• Do you take care of your duties and responsibilities?
• Can you be counted on to make good decisions from a moral perspective?

Additionally, seek feedback from others. It’ll give you an objective view of your strengths and weaknesses, and provide you with the opportunity to embrace those qualities or improve on them.

5. Cultivate a spiritual practice

Spirituality is often seen as a path towards self-realization. It involves a connection to something greater than yourself, whether that is a higher power, the universe, or a collective consciousness. 

“ Spirituality is a deeply personal experience ,” Jon explains. “ It goes directly to who and what you are at the deepest possible level, and what you believe about why you’re here .”

It’s not something someone can tell you. Rather, it’s up to you to discover what spirituality means to you.

What you can do: Meditation is one of the more powerful tools for achieving self-realization. And doing it regularly can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, which can help you gain insight into your absolute authenticity.

6. Work on your love relationships

What’s the connection between love relationships and self-realization? A few things, actually:

• When you develop a positive relationship with yourself , you start to accept and love yourself for who you are. This self-love can lead to greater self-awareness and a deeper understanding of your values and goals.
• When it comes to positive relationships with others , you can learn a lot about yourself by how you interact with them. For example, you can gain awareness of how you communicate, what triggers you emotionally, and patterns in your relationships.

This level of awareness can help you identify areas where you may need to grow and develop, leading to personal growth and self-realization.

What you can do: Research shows that practicing compassion is not only good for your health, but it’s good for the world. When you’re able to understand and share the feelings of others, it can help build deeper connections and create a more supportive environment.

“ The natural state of things is to disorganize and decay, ” says Jon. “ And that will happen to your love relationship if you don’t consciously put energy back into the system. ”

7. Define what kind of parent you want to be

If you’re a parent, you understand the pure joy having children can be. But self-realization isn’t only important for children; it’s also essential for parents.

As they grow, they depend on you for food, clothing, and shelter, according to Jon. What’s more, they also look to you for guidance on what’s important, like values, morals, and a sense of life. 

And because you’re responsible and accountable for little humans, your experience as a parent can be a catalyst for personal growth and development.

What you can do: Connecting with other parents can help you gain perspective on your own experiences and beliefs. Consider joining a support group, seeking out a mentor, or getting a certified life coach to help you through your parenting journey.

8. Nurture your social life

“ Creating quality experiences for yourself and the people you love is one of the best things in life, ” says Jon. And with good reason.

In social situations, you’re more than likely to encounter different beliefs, values, and opinions. This can challenge your own assumptions and lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of yourself.

What’s more, it provides the opportunity to learn how to express yourself more effectively, listen actively, and collaborate with others. 

What you can do: One of the key factors in building relationships is being open to new connections. Attend events, like the ones at Mindvalley, to find a community that shares the same interests as you. 

9. Build financial wellness

Let’s face it, money has the power to make every aspect of your life better. It can give you greater freedom and flexibility to pursue your goals and aspirations.

However, it doesn’t mean you have to be a slave to it; rather, you can learn to work with it. When you’re able to manage your finances responsibly, you develop greater self-control and learn to prioritize your money goals over short-term impulses.

What you can do: Managing your finances often requires being aware of what your values and priorities are. As part of the Lifebook process, Jon encourages you to clear your limiting beliefs around money and set those financial goals for where you want to be.

10. Discover a career path that fulfills you

Careers are such a big part of our lives; we spend a big chunk of our days at work. The reality is, though, that we’re not taught to find a career path we love. Instead, we’re encouraged to join the rat race.

So it comes as no surprise that the number of people quitting is high. As a matter of fact, in November 2021 alone, a record 4.5 millio n Americans left their jobs . 

As much as we don’t like to admit it, our careers are important. And pursuing one that aligns with our values and interests can help us develop a sense of purpose and direction in life.

What you can do: “ If you’re connected to what you love (if you know what that is), you might start to look for ways to do it ,” Jon explains. So reflect on your interests and passions, identify your values, assess your skills and strengths, research potential career paths, and network with professionals. And when that’s all said and done, you may just find what you’re looking for.

11. Enhance your quality of life

According to Jon, you’re not going to be able to contribute to the people around you if your life is a mess. However, when you focus on improving all aspects of your life, it’ll ultimately lead to its enhancement. 

It’ll provide you with a sense of purpose and meaning. In turn, that can help you develop a stronger sense of self and personal identity.

What you can do: Jon advises you to integrate your quality of life into your financial plan. Why? “ A lot of this ,” he says, “ is going to come down to your ability to be able to afford the things and experiences you want. ”

12. Create a clear life vision

Your life vision is a roadmap to identify and pursue your most meaningful goals and aspirations that are aligned with your core values and passions. So it’s important to create a really clear and compelling one.

If you need inspiration, you can get it from self-realization quotes. They can provide valuable insights, wisdom, and perspective. Here are a few to get you going:

• “ Nothing can make you as happy as living a mission-oriented life. ” ― Vishen , founder of Mindvalley
• “ The quest for wholeness can never begin on the external level. It is always an inside job. ” ― Dr. Shefali Tsabary , clinical psychologist and trainer of Mindvalley’s Conscious Parenting Mastery Quest
• “ Too many people never get what they desire in their life because they never actually claim what they want; they never actually get clear on what they’re asking for so in some ways we have to teach ourselves to dream again. ” ― Regan Hillyer , manifestation teacher and trainer of Mindvalley’s The Art of Manifesting Quest

What you can do: Jon suggests asking yourself this question: If you were able to execute the 11 points above and really make your life vision a reality, what would that look like for you five years from now?

Put the law of assumption to work and assume your life vision is fulfilled. Visualize it and meditate on it. Embrace what it would feel like and send your intentions that way.

Awaken Your True Self

Self-realization is a step towards awakening your true self and living your best life. As Morpheus said in The Matrix , “ I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it. ”

That’s exactly what Mindvalley’s FREE Lifebook Masterclass with Jon and Missy Butcher is all about. Here’s what you’ll be in for:

• Identify what you truly want in the 12 areas of your life
• Discover what your unique purpose is
• Gain the clarity you need if you’re going through a major transition (e.g., divorce, career change, personal loss, and so on)

Lifebook gives you the tools, insights, and support you need to walk through the door of self-realization and unlock your full potential.

As Jon says, “ This world needs more self-responsible people making the world a better place by making themselves better .” And you have the opportunity to do just that.

Welcome in.

Recommended Free Masterclass For You

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Discover the 12 categories of the Lifebook system and the four critical questions to ask yourself. Join Jon and Missy Butcher in this free masterclass so you can begin moving towards your dream life. Reserve My Free Spot Now

Tatiana Azman

Jon and Missy Butcher are the founders and trainers of Lifebook . They’re serial entrepreneurs, lovers, and adventurers with a life most people would call “impossible.”

Coming from a life of financial and emotional hardship in their youth, Jon and Missy have now founded 19 companies together and co-own the Precious Moments family of companies, which has made over $10 billion in sales.

How we reviewed this article

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Essay on Realization In Life

Students are often asked to write an essay on Realization In Life in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Realization In Life

Understanding realization.

Realization in life is like an eye-opening moment. It’s when you understand something clearly for the first time. This usually happens when we face new experiences or challenges. For example, if you make a mistake and learn from it, that’s a realization.

Realization and Growth

Realization is important for our growth. When we realize something, we learn and grow. It helps us to change our actions and thoughts. This is how we become better people. We can’t improve if we don’t realize our mistakes or learn new things.

Realization from Mistakes

Sometimes, we make mistakes. But these mistakes can lead to realization. When we understand that we were wrong, we learn. This learning is a kind of realization. It helps us to avoid the same mistake in the future.

Realization and Happiness

Realization can also bring happiness. When we realize that we have achieved something, we feel happy. This shows that realization can bring joy. So, realization is not always about learning from mistakes. It can also be about understanding our success.

In conclusion, realization is a crucial part of life. It helps us to grow, learn from our mistakes, and understand our success. So, we should always be open to new realizations. They make us better and happier people.

250 Words Essay on Realization In Life

Realization is when we come to understand something clearly. It is like a light bulb turning on in our mind. This often happens when we learn from our mistakes or experiences. Life is full of such moments of realization.

Realization and Personal Growth

Realization plays a big part in our personal growth. When we understand something deeply, we can change our actions. For example, if we realize that wasting water is bad, we will start to save water. This change in action shows personal growth.

Realization through Mistakes

Mistakes are a common way we come to realizations. When we make a mistake, we feel bad. This feeling makes us think about what we did wrong. From this, we can learn and grow. For example, if we fail a test, we realize the need to study more.

Realization and Relationships

Realizations can also help improve our relationships. When we realize how our actions affect others, we can change our behavior. This can make our relationships stronger. For example, if we realize we have hurt a friend’s feelings, we can apologize and try not to repeat it.

In conclusion, realization is a powerful tool in life. It helps us learn from our mistakes, grow as people, and improve our relationships. Life is a journey of continuous realizations, each one helping us to become better versions of ourselves.

500 Words Essay on Realization In Life

What is realization in life.

Realization in life is like a light bulb moment. It’s when you suddenly understand or become aware of something that you didn’t know before. This can be about yourself, others, or the world around you. This awareness can change the way you see things and can help you make better choices in life.

Types of Realizations

There are many types of realizations. Some people may realize that they need to be kinder to others. Some may realize that they need to work harder at school or at their job. Others may realize that they need to take better care of their health. These are all personal realizations.

There are also bigger realizations. These can be about the world around us. For example, you might realize that the earth is in danger because of pollution. Or you might realize that not everyone in the world is treated fairly. These are social realizations.

How Do Realizations Happen?

Realizations can happen in many different ways. Sometimes, they can come from a big event in your life. For example, if you get sick, you might realize that you need to take better care of your health.

Sometimes, realizations can come from small moments. Maybe you see someone being mean to another person and you realize that you don’t want to be like that.

Realizations can also come from learning. When you learn about new things, you can start to see the world in a different way. This can lead to new realizations.

The Impact of Realizations

Realizations can have a big impact on your life. They can change the way you think and the way you act.

For example, if you realize that you need to be kinder to others, you might start to treat people better. If you realize that you need to work harder at school, you might start to study more.

Realizations can also inspire you to make a difference in the world. If you realize that the earth is in danger, you might start to recycle more. If you realize that not everyone is treated fairly, you might start to stand up for others.

In conclusion, realizations in life are important moments of understanding and awareness. They can come from big events, small moments, or learning new things. They can change the way you think and act, and they can inspire you to make a difference in the world. So, always be open to new realizations. They can help you grow and become a better person.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

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12 of Life’s Most Helpful Realizations

By: Author Dane Findley

Realizations are extremely important moments in the human life.

If you’re ever heading down a path that will bring you unhappiness, a realization can help you suddenly become more fully aware of who you actually are so that you can correct your course.

Realizations help you to make better choices in the future.

Which of these Realizations Have You Already Had?

There are moments in life — unexpected and pivotal — that somehow change you forever.

Even though some epiphanies can be painful at the moment, if they bring you closer to the truth of who you are, then — in the long run — they will prove enormously helpful in daily life.

Realizations can save you from a 5-year detour – getting lost down a side trail that might lead you away from your life purpose.

Last year, I witnessed a dear friend have an accident.

It’s always challenging to take a mind-blowing experience and then try to reduce it into words others might understand. Even so, here are the 12 most shocking realizations I had immediately following the accident.

1. Among the Biggest Realizations: People Are Inherently Lovable

I realized that I adore people. Even with all of our wounds and fractures, our abrasive edges, and acting out – each of us, at our core , is made from the stuff of love.

I realized that it’s almost always possible to see past someone’s bad behavior and into their inherent lovability.

That people are basically lovable at their core, can be one of life’s biggest realizations.

2. People either Enhance Your Energy or Drain It

I once heard Caroline Myss calmly state that people either enhance your energy or drain it. “It can be no other way,” she explained. After the accident, I could see clearly that this is indeed the case.

3. It Takes Strong Hands to Hold a Paradox

Just because I love people doesn’t mean I have to welcome every person into my environment — this is what I realized.

I don’t have to solve the mystery of how I can like someone yet still identify them as someone who is not a good match for me.

A paradox is when two seemingly contradictory ideas are each true.

Not every paradox needs to be solved .

We can accept the mystery of it with grace and ease and move on.

4. Among the Biggest Realizations: We Live in Peculiar Times

Do you know that analogy of the frog in the pot of water? The water heats up so slowly that the frog doesn’t notice it, so he doesn’t bother to hop out of the pot once it reaches a boil.

After the accident, I could see things about our culture that I couldn’t see as clearly before the accident.

The world is changing faster than we can process it.

We are like the frog.

5. Our Context is First-World

I began noticing that many people cannot sustain a deep and authentic interest in other people’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Then I wondered, is this just because I’m American? Or, even more specifically, because I was born and raised in California?

“…conversations seem to now require an odd concision that often dissolves the joy of conversing in the first place”

For generations, people have migrated to California in the hope of a better life – but often, it’s really ourselves we’re trying to outrun.

It’s in the gene pool here.

You can see this in conversations. If someone starts to speak, the other person immediately thinks of what he will say next – instead of being fully present and actively listening .

Increasingly in conversations, people seem to listen only long enough to hear a “keyword,” after which their brain pings and references a memory from that keyword, and they begin their own free association – often missing the subtext of the communication.

For example, Mary tells Alice that she enjoyed the blueberry pancakes she had for breakfast, but now she feels bloated and tired . Alice responds that she found some amazing blueberries at the farmer’s market last week and hopes the same vendor will be there this week so she can pick up some more.

On the surface, Alice seems to be on-point, but somehow an opportunity has been lost.

Our minds have become so chattery, and we believe ourselves to be so time-constrained , that our ability to simply listen has been compromised.

Conversations seem to require now an odd concision that often defeats the entire purpose of conversing.

After the accident, I often found myself about to communicate some vital information to someone else, only to realize in the same moment that I was unwilling to boil it down into catchy bullet points as if I were introducing a segment on Entertainment Tonight.

That healthy boundaries must be established in a narcissistic culture is among life’s biggest realizations.

6. Among the Biggest Realizations: It’s Okay to Enjoy Solitude

After the accident, I accepted that I’m an introvert and that that’s okay.

While extroverts get their energy from being around other people, I recharge my batteries by being alone as an introvert. Even though relationships matter most to me, I’d rather have depth and quality than quantity.

Everyone has a different brain style. Each of us processes moment-to-moment information differently. That brain diversity truly exists is among life’s biggest realizations.

7. Everyone Has a Big Secret that They Keep from Themselves

This is one of the dynamics I saw so clearly after the accident. Almost everyone has at least one big secret they are actively keeping from themselves (and sometimes, entire families collude, unconsciously, to keep one big secret from themselves and each other).

That each of us has at least one secret we keep from ourselves is among life’s biggest realizations.

8. It’s Okay to Let Reality In, in Small Manageable Doses

Anxiety is the big game of life.

We all have different ways of managing anxiety, and hopefully, as life progresses , we’re able to discover healthier ways for metabolizing life’s low-level, everyday anxiety (and over time, we can substitute those healthier methods for the less healthy ones);

• if we were to let reality rush in on our minds all at once, our psyches would snap;
• we let reality in, in small doses, so we have time to process it and get stronger before letting in the next small dose.

Movement is progress. Even in small steps, we’re actively growing and exploring our internal worlds.

On the other hand, unfortunately, complete repression doesn’t work; when you repress something completely and for too long, you activate it in the unconscious, which often leads to acting out and can produce adverse side effects.

So, I realized that on the journey of personal growth, we could all pace ourselves according to our individual needs and unique trajectories.

9. You Don’t Have to Squeeze 300 Lives into One Lifetime

Because the spouse and I chose not to adopt children, we’ve been able to move around and try different careers and adventures.

We tend to follow opportunity and our own curiosity .

But even though we enjoy more freedom than couples with kids and pets, after the accident, I realized that I no longer needed to experience every single adventure in this one lifetime.

This particular realization was very calming for me: I’ll never get it all done. And that’s okay.

10. It’s Between You and Something Higher

I know this is kind of an intense thing to say, but after the accident, I realized that the standard American adult friendship doesn’t really meet my relational needs.

I mean, it doesn’t even come close.

I love my friends – in fact, I like people even more now than I ever have before – but the fact is I have an extremely rich internal world with more material than any one person could ever bear thoughtful witness to.

The way our culture operates on the day-to-day level, it’s difficult to establish (over the occasional cup of coffee or phone call) true intimacy and that quiet confidence that a deep friendship and a hundred lazy hangouts create. After the accident, I was able to accept this calmly.

Now, I get my strokes from nature.

I like going for long walks by myself and appreciating the simple brilliance of Earth’s natural physical environment.

And I have an active dialogue with a power that is higher than me.

Call it divine energy – I don’t want to offend anybody; I’m just saying that I depend on my spiritual relationship with what I imagine to be an Infinite Field of love, intelligence, creativity, and compassion.

11. Setting Healthy Boundaries is an Essential Life Skill

Before the accident, I used sometimes to offer people constructive feedback . After the accident, I focus mostly on keeping my own side of the street clean.

Underneath it all, I’ve always been deeply interested in other people. I could listen – rapt – to someone talk about what they had for breakfast, or what they dreamed about the night before, or their secret hopes and fears, or their favorite movie… anything.

Since the accident, however, I cannot endure listening to anyone talk about themselves unless I feel certain they can sustain curiosity and interest in my life (as I can in theirs).

Otherwise, the exchange of energy is inequitable and, therefore, unhealthy.

Reciprocity, for-the-win!

12. Among the Biggest Realizations: Enjoying Life is a Good Thing

Man oh man, do I love to laugh.

My spouse and I spend much of the day figuring out goofy ways to make the other laugh.

At night, after dinner, we watch comedies. Good ones, bad ones, romantic ones, silly ones – I’ll give any comedy a chance because I know that laughter is, quite literally, good for one’s body and brain .

Since the accident, I don’t follow any televised news shows (and I generally avoid crime procedurals, except for some British ones).

“If you had one goal, and that was to feel good, you would never again need to hear another word from anyone. You would live successfully and happily and in a way of fulfilling your life’s purpose ever after.” — Abraham-Hicks

I’m no longer afraid of being ordinary. I’m influential in my own particular way. I vote. I spend at local mom-n-pops (when possible). I create a job (when the budget allows for it). More important than all of the above: it’s how I treat people when I leave the house each day.

I don’t honk my car horn or treat the grocery cashier like a robot.

The older I get, the more I realize it’s up to me to demonstrate kindness and grace (I have a lot to make up for: I was a wild youth!).

One of my friends was a Zen monk in a remote mountaintop monastery for two years.

He explained that he had many questions about life before entering the monastery. When he left two years later, he still had those same questions, but the difference , he says, is that he’s okay with the not-knowing .

He can now more joyfully hold the space for the mystery of life. He permits himself to enjoy a basic moment within a basic day, minus the neurosis .

Today, when he has an hour break between clients, he runs down to the beach, and – if no one is around – he rips off his clothes and jumps into the waves! He’s one of the happiest guys I know.

Bonus Realization: Joy Modules Can Be “Stacked”

Sometimes daily life seems to be a process of trying to make the unconscious, conscious .

The twist is: we’re often ambivalent about the pace of that process – we’re always trying to speed it up or slow it down , depending on our moment-to-moment anxiety.

In the movies, life-changing moments are often cinematic and laden with computer-generated images and dramatic sweeps of music.

In real life, seemingly mundane occurrences often inspire the most powerful realizations.

For example, on two separate occasions, I saw someone simply walk in front of me and had an instant epiphany that improved the way I saw and experienced my life from that point forward.

Sometimes, though, life-changing moments can occur from startling external events.

Though the details of my friend’s accident are not the point of this particular article, I will say that it was an accident that could happen to anyone and yet was still quite unexpected.

I find it a bit irksome to even refer to it as an “accident,” as it was more of a growing opportunity.

In the days following the accident, all of these ideas that I had been flirting with for a few years crystallized and became deeply and profoundly real.

In other words, what had been a slow-burning intellectual and philosophical awareness before the accident, transformed – almost overnight – into an integrated part of my psyche after the accident.

I share these realizations with the hope that they might offer you increased clarity and direction in your own life.

I encourage you to use the realizations that seem helpful or illuminating and leave behind those that seem not to fit your life’s unique trajectory.

I believe passionately that we need these sorts of insights to keep on our life path so that we can fulfill our purpose.

After the accident, I could see – with crystal clarity – that I had been overcomplicating my daily life.

Now more than ever, I am a passionate believer in voluntary simplicity : I encourage you to identify those activities or people that enhance your energy and bring you the most joy and “ stack ” them.

Fit as many joyful activities into your day (or, at least: your week) as possible.

This is a recipe for inner peace and a way to make your life more delightful – and meaningful .

• Which of the above realizations have you already had?
• What other powerful realization have you had – that is not on the list above – that revived and advanced your life for the better?
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A Reflection About Myself and My Personality

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• Topic: Class Reflection , Personal Experience , Personality

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