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How to write the tmdsas personal characteristics essay.

Reviewed by:

Jonathan Preminger

Former Admissions Committee Member, Hofstra-Northwell School of Medicine

Reviewed: 6/23/23

Applying through the TMDSAS? Read on to learn more about personal characteristics essays for TMDSAS schools! 

If you’re preparing to apply to medical school, you’re probably familiar with AMCAS . However, if you’re planning to apply to medical, dental, or veterinary school in Texas, you’ll need to apply using the Texas Medical & Dental Schools Application Service (TMDSAS) .

On top of your personal statement, you’ll need to write a personal characteristics essay. We’ll highlight everything you need to know about the TMDSAS personal characteristics essay and how to craft a narrative that maximizes your chances of getting accepted into your dream Texas medical school .

Get The Ultimate Guide on Writing an Unforgettable Personal Statement

Purpose of the TMDSAS ‍

Texas is a large and populous state; the purpose of the TMDSAS is to provide a centralized application service for Texas-only medical, dental, and veterinary schools. 

In fact, the TMDSAS pre-dates the AMCAS! The following medical schools participate in the TMDSAS network:

• The Baylor College of Medicine
• The Long School of Medicine at UT Health San Antonio
• The McGovern Medical School at UT Health Houston
• The Sam Houston State University College of Osteopathic Medicine
• The Texas A&M College of Medicine
• The Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center Paul L. Foster School of Medicine at El Paso
• The Texas Tech University Health Science Center School of Medicine at Lubbock
• The University of Houston College of Medicine
• The University of North Texas Health Science Center Texas College of Osteopathic Medicine
• The University of Texas at Austin Dell Medical School
• The University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston
• The University of Texas Rio Grande Valley School of Medicine
• The University of Texas Southwestern Medical School

Two Texas medical schools don’t participate in the TMDSAS:

• The TCU and UNTHSC School of Medicine requires applicants to use the AMCAS .
• The University of the Incarnate Word School of Osteopathic Medicine requires applicants to use AACOMAS . 

Be sure to stay up-to-date with Texas medical school application procedures and visit the school websites to use the correct application portal.

TMDSAS Essay Overview ‍

Like AMCAS , the TMDSAS also requires a personal statement. The TMDSAS requires a personal characteristics essay and allows candidates to write an additional optional essay. 

The personal characteristics essay is unique to TMDSAS, so let’s highlight some key information, such as its purpose, tips on how to write a compelling narrative, and sample personal characteristics essays that thoroughly answer the prompt.

Purpose of the TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay

The TMDSAS personal characteristics essay must be 2,500 characters or fewer (including spaces). Applicants must respond to the following prompt:

“Learning from others is enhanced in educational settings that include individuals from diverse backgrounds and experiences. Please describe your personal characteristics (background, talents, skills, etc.) or experiences that would add to the educational experience of others.”

The way this prompt is worded might sound confusing and challenging, but we can simplify it – you can think of this as a diversity essay . Diversity has different contexts for this prompt. These may include your: 

• Unique background (ethnic, racial, socioeconomic, etc.) 
• Perspectives
• Ideas, talents, or skills
• Experiences
• Critical thinking

A strong personal characteristics essay connects your diverse background to medical school and illustrates how your peers, program, and the medical school can benefit from your diversity. 

Every entering class consists of diverse students with differing cultures, upbringings, socioeconomic statuses, birthplaces, educational experiences, and more. A diverse student body can expose students to new perspectives, insights, and information. 

This student body can challenge one another to grow, empathize with others, and foster a global mindset that is open, accepting, and critical in medicine. This is the heart of the personal characteristics essay, and what medical schools are looking for in future leaders – how will you add diversity and value to the class? 

How to Write the TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay

The TMDSAS personal characteristics essay is only 2,500 characters, including spaces, so every word must count. Here are tips for writing a strong and compelling personal characteristics essay:

1. Brainstorm Ideas That Demonstrate Your Diversity

Brainstorming is an effective technique to recall memories and experiences you can write about. You aren’t editing or revising your thoughts; don’t worry about grammar, structure, or spelling at this stage. 

You simply want to write down every idea that comes to you that may be relevant to your narrative. Here’s a list of questions to get started with thinking about diversity:

• Who are you at your core, and what experience(s) defined you?
• How do you identify yourself?
• Where did you grow up, and what was it like to live there?
• What was your family like?
• What have you done or experienced that shaped who you are today?
• Have you traveled abroad?
• Have you learned another language?
• Did you serve in the military?
• Have you volunteered in your community?
• Are you a part of any teams, groups, or organizations?
• Have you suffered or had to overcome disability, injury, or illness?
• Have you been a caregiver for someone with a disability or illness?
• Have you had to face and overcome rejection?
• Have you been bullied? How did you overcome it?

2. Pick Your Most Meaningful Anecdotes

After brainstorming, pick one to three stories that fulfill the prompt and are meaningful in your pursuit of medicine. Remember, you don’t want to choose similar experiences to those outlined in your personal statement! 

3. Outline the Structure of Your Essay

Create an outline to structure and organize your essay. Although the personal characteristics essay is relatively short, you want your narrative to flow. 

The essay should have an introduction, a body, and a conclusion:

4. Write Your First Draft 

After completing your outline, begin writing your first draft. Your tone should be professional yet conversational – you don’t want to be too stiff or casual.

It’s important to show rather than tell; instead of writing “I am compassionate,” tell a story that conveys your compassion. Remember, your first draft doesn’t have to be perfect, and it may even exceed the word limit the first time – changes can be made in the next step. 

5. Edit Your Work 

Review your first draft for spelling, grammar, clarity, and sentence structure errors. If there are weak sentences, cross them out and rewrite them. You can also check for concision – does every word serve a purpose? Eliminate wordy phrases to leave more room for rich descriptions. 

The introduction should flow seamlessly to the body and the body to the conclusion. Another pair of eyes can help provide a fresh perspective on your work – consider an admissions counselor’s help to ensure your writing aligns with what Texan med schools seek! 

TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay Examples

Here are some personal characteristics essay samples to help inspire you as you write your own drafts:

TMDSAS Essay Example #1 

Here’s the first TMDSAS essay example: 

“Being South Asian, I have firsthand knowledge of what it means not to access basic healthcare. As a child, my mother took me to Pakistan every year, where I spent summers with my grandfather, a top pediatrician in the nation. He had a free clinic attached to his home in Faisalabad, and his practice was so renowned and respected that people from all over the country would travel great distances to have my grandfather treat their children.  Pakistan is a developing country where a significant part of the population remains illiterate and uneducated due to the lack of resources and opportunities. This population is the most vulnerable, with extremely high numbers of infectious disease and mortality rates. Yet, it is entirely underserved. With the lack of hospitals, clinics, and doctor’s offices in rural Pakistan, parents of ailing children must travel great distances and wait in long lines to receive proper healthcare.  Every summer at my grandfather’s clinic, from ages five to seventeen, my job was to open the doors to long lines of tired, hungry, and thirsty parents with their sick children. I would pass out bottled water and pieces of fruit. I would record names, where the patients came from, and reasons for their visit. I would scurry back inside with the information for my grandfather to assess, and then he’d send me running back out again to let the next family inside. I learned in my formative years how to communicate with diverse patient populations with special needs and lack of basic necessities. I learned to listen to every family’s unique reasons for their visit, and some of their desperation and pleading for the lives of their children will stay with me forever. When I get into medical school, I hope to share the story of how Gulzarah carried her dehydrated daughter for twelve miles in the Pakistani summer heat without rest (thanks to my grandfather, she later made a full recovery). I want to tell my peers that doctors like my grandfather are not only healers in biology but healers in spirit when he made up heroic songs for the children and sang the fear out of their hearts. I want to show my peers that patients are unique individuals who have suffered and sacrificed to trust us with their healthcare, so we must honor their trust by providing quality treatment and empathy. My formative experiences in pediatrics contributed to my globally conscious mindset, and I look forward to sharing these diverse insights in my medical career.”  This essay connects the writer’s ethnic background and experiences interacting with underserved patients.  The communication skills they learned, their experiences with diverse individuals, and the stories patients shared with them will allow them to add diversity to the incoming class while sharing new insights and perspectives with their peers.  

TMDSAS Essay Example #2

This diversity essay example was adapted from a personal statement but still checks the boxes to showcase the author’s experiences and interests:

“Hatha yoga emphasizes the ability to sculpt the human form into a fit, healthy, balanced vehicle for self-awareness and discovery…My instructor, John, encouraged me to push myself further until full splits and headstands could be achieved with ease. Yoga therapy and instruction became a way for me to connect to people in many aspects of my life…  I cherish the diversity I encounter. It is what excites and motivates me. My study of yoga grew from my interest in exploring the philosophies of Eastern cultures. Traveling, mostly independently, to over 20 countries and living in Germany challenged me to continuously learn more about the diverse world around me. Ordinary tasks such as getting water and preparing food can become unique challenges as different modes of operation and cultural differences come into play. Incorporating “sanuk,” the Thai description for playful contentment, became a key tool for overcoming the obstacles of traveling alone in Asia.  Living abroad afforded me the opportunity to learn a language in a shorter time than studying in an English-speaking environment. Having studied Spanish and German encouraged me to be precise in the messages I want to convey. As I continue to travel, I am touched by the sincere desire and efforts of people to improve their English speaking skills. This invigorated my desire, and I find myself jumping at the opportunity to practice my language skills. These experiences will be valuable resources in establishing trust and building thoughtful communication with patients… Since college, I have been committed to volunteer work as a means of improving social conditions and quality of life. As a therapist, I offered massages and yoga instruction to low-income individuals in exchange for donations to Habit for Humanity and Doctors Without Borders. I was able to raise hundreds of dollars for these organizations while providing massages to people who would ordinarily not be able to afford such services. …Observing work done in hospitals in India provided an insight into the ways in which I can incorporate a desire to work in underserved communities into my career as a physician… Though the path I have chosen may be arduous at times, my practice of yoga, meditation, and mindfulness will help keep my own physical and emotional health in balance. It is this integrated balance, along with a sincere desire to help people, that I have to share with my community and the medical profession.”  This diversity essay showcases the writer’s passion for yoga and how their pursuit of new experiences in new places invigorates them. While they connect their travels and other experiences to how it will help them become a better doctor, they could have been more direct about what they could teach their peers. 

TMDSAS Essay Example #3  

Here’s another TMDSAS personal characteristics essay sample : 

“I grew up in a household of six, and I am the youngest of four siblings, with two older brothers and one older sister. I spent the first eighteen years of my life living in Cedar Hill, a suburb of Dallas with a population of 50,000 and around 50% of that being Black. All of my siblings played sports, and everyone was very competitive, but in a good way…It was more about doing better than your previous best than being the other person. This was especially true after I became a swimmer in higher school. Before every race, my swim coaches always made sure to tell me that it was me against the clock, not against the people who were swimming around me. It instilled in me a very internally motivated hard work ethic. I want to improve myself because I know that my full potential has not been reached, not because other people are doing better. As a medical student, this will only make me a better doctor, as I will always be striving to become a better caregiver than I was before, whether that means learning more about the body and disease or learning how to become more compassionate so that I can serve my patients to the best of my ability. But hard work is not all that is necessary for success.  My life has been heavily affected by my Blackness. My dad used to give me lessons on what to do if I were stopped by the police. He said that because of the color of my skin, I would have to be as subservient as possible that there was less of a chance of my name becoming another hashtag. When I walked to school, I saw confederate flags flying on people’s houses. I was told, “You’re so lucky you’re black,” referring the the advantage in college admissions people thought I received because of my race, disregarding the struggles that come with growing up black, including the criminalization of Black people. The same criminalization that has a very negative impact on Black people, causing us to see things such as the color of our skin as negative…But because I had such a strong support system and grew up in a family full of Black role models, I did not see my Blackness as a detriment, but something to be celebrated.  It is important and uplifting to see people who look like you as successful. It is even more important that you have a connection with these people, and my Blackness taught me the value of mentorship. If I had not had powerful Black people pouring into me, things would be a lot different. Because mentorship influenced me so much, I became a mentor while at Vanderbilt, leading mentorship organizations such as Project I Am and After School Program. I want to continue to be a mentor and role model as I pursue my career as a doctor, being a positive example for aspiring Black doctors and communities of color in general. Yes, hard work is necessary to succeed, and you will accomplish much by being hard-working, but you need mentors and role models. Everyone needs someone to look up to who will guide, encourage and care for them.”  This essay showcases various aspects of the writer’s background, interests, and insights. They’ve seamlessly tied their home upbringing, racial identity, perspectives on competition, and appreciation for mentorship.  They clearly reference how they want to be a mentor and role model for other doctors who are Black or POC. 

Still have questions about the TMDSAS’ personal characteristics essay? Then check out these FAQs! 

1. What Does Diversity Mean in the TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay? 

For the TMDSAS essay, diversity doesn’t only mean racial, ethnic, socioeconomic, or gender diversity. You can broaden the definition and think of any unique event or experience that’s meaningful and shows how your acceptance would benefit your peers.

2. What’s the Difference Between the TMDSAS Personal Statement and Personal Characteristics Essay?

The personal statement addresses why you’re the right candidate for med school. The personal characteristics essay focuses on your diversity and the insights you can bring to the class to educate your peers and add value to the program.

3. What Do I Write About In My Personal Characteristics Essay? 

Ideally, one to three events or experiences are sufficient to answer the prompt. It’s better to have quality over quantity. The essay should be clear, well-organized, and professional. It’s easier to achieve a compelling, coherent essay by focusing on a couple of key ideas.

4. What Should I Avoid in My Personal Characteristics Essay?

Some things to avoid in your TMDSAS essay include rehashing your resume, writing controversial or alienating statements, being overly negative or critical, not editing, using filler words, and lying or embellishing. 

5. What Is the Character Limit of the TMDSAS Essays?

The TMDSAS personal statement is 5,000 characters (including spaces). The TMDSAS personal characteristics essay is 2,500 characters (including spaces). 

Final Thoughts 

The personal characteristics essay is a required TMDSAS component that shares your diversity and how it would enhance the entering class. With our guide, you’re well on your way to crafting a successful TMDSAS personal characteristics essay that showcases your diversity, fit, background, and experiences! 

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Your Guide To Writing A Great TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay

Featured Expert: Dr. Vincent Athanas, MD

The  TMDSAS  application system has several unique essay components, including the TMDSAS personal characteristics essay. While most students understand the meaning behind  TMDSAS personal statement , many of them find writing the TMDSAS personal characteristics essay more challenging. We are here to show you how to write an outstanding TMDSAS personal characteristics essay and provide examples that inspire you to write your own!

>> Want us to help you get accepted? Schedule a free strategy call here . <<

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Article Contents 5 min read

What is the tmdsas personal characteristics essay.

The TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay is a required component of the Texas Medical and Dental Schools Application Service (TMDSAS) that asks applicants to describe personal characteristics and experiences that will contribute to the diversity and educational benefits of the student body.

This essay provides an opportunity for applicants to highlight unique aspects of their background, experiences, and personal qualities that align with the values of the healthcare profession. In 2500 characters or less, including spaces, students must respond to the following prompt:

Learning from others is enhanced in educational settings that include individuals from diverse backgrounds and experiences. Please describe your personal characteristics (background, talents, skills, etc.) or experiences that would add to the educational experience of others. ","label":"TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay Prompt","title":"TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay Prompt"}]" code="tab1" template="BlogArticle">

Would You Like Our Help With Your TMDSAS Application? ","buttonText":"free strategy call","buttonColor":"#ffffff","addTrustpilot":"false","bannerUnderText":" Limited Spots Available ","belowButtonText1":null,"belowButtonText2":null,"trustpilot":false}" :url=""https:\/\/bemoacademicconsulting.com\/contact-schedule-free-strategy-call"" code="banner1" background-color="#000066" button-color="#ffffff" banner-image> Decoding the prompt and figuring out how to answer it appropriately can be challenging; so don’t stress if you aren’t sure where to start. We’re going to help you better understand the purpose of this essay. In fact, work with students on components of various applications (including TMDSAS ones) every single day; it’s what we do best! “Danielle Payne was so, so helpful during my brainstorming session for my TMDSAS essay. Before the session, I had been struggling to come up with ideas for the essay and had re-written it multiple times. However, now I feel confident with my first new draft!” – Anonymous, Former BeMo Student

Before we get into the details of this essay, we want to encourage you think of the task as one to emphasize your own diverse experiences and uniqueness. The admissions committee wants to know what form of diversity you can bring to your medical class that will benefit your peers.

Picture a class of 100 medical students who all grew up in the same city, and came from certain economic and personal backgrounds…this class would be sorely lacking in diverse and unique perspectives. Students coming from different cultural, ethnic, religious, or other backgrounds bring with them captivating and invaluable perspectives that will only help them, and those they interact with, in the medical field.

In this essay, it's your responsibility to demonstrate how you are unique as a candidate and how you can enrich other students in your class based on your own personal experiences in life. As one of our former students, Alison, a non-traditional applicant stated:

“It’s important to provide honest insights into your journey, challenges, and the lessons learned along the way”. By reflecting on my experiences and articulating how they have shaped my aspirations in medicine, I aimed to present herself as a thoughtful and introspective candidate.” – Alison Edwards, Former BeMo Student, Dell Medical School

The following  medical schools in Texas , both  MD and DO , as well as Dental schools in Texas and Vet schools, participate in the TMDSAS  medical school application  service and therefore require the submission of a personal characteristics essay. Take note of the  medical school GPA requirements  to help you decide which schools are ideal for you to apply to.

TMDSAS MD Schools

• Texas A&M University School of Medicine
• Baylor College of Medicine
• McGovern Medical School at the University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston
• Long School of Medicine at UT Health San Antonio
• Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center Paul L. Foster School of Medicine at El Paso
• Texas Tech University Health Science Center School of Medicine at Lubbock
• Tilman J. Fertitta Family College of Medicine at University of Houston
• John Sealy School of Medicine at the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston
• The University of Texas Rio Grande Valley School of Medicine
• The University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center
• The University of Texas at Tyler School of Medicine
• The University of Texas at Austin Dell Medical School

The DO school rankings below contain schools that also participate in the TMDSAS service. However, keep in mind that many other osteopathic schools use the traditional DO school application , the AACOMAS, so be sure to verify which system you need to use beforehand.

• Sam Houston State University College of Osteopathic Medicine
• University of North Texas Health Science Center Texas College of Osteopathic Medicine

TMDSAS Veterinary Schools

Check out the following best vet schools  that participate in the TMDSAS application service. If you’re considering applying to some of these schools, make sure to check out their veterinary school acceptance rates .

• Texas A&M University College of Veterinary Medicine
• Texas Tech University School of Veterinary Medicine

TMDSAS Dental Schools

And finally, check out  dental school acceptance rates among the schools that use the TMDSAS application service.

• Texas Tech University Woody L. Hunt School of Dental Medicine
• The University of Texas Health San Antonio School of Dentistry
• The University of Texas Health School of Dentistry at Houston

Applying through TMDSAS? Watch this video to learn more!

How Can I Demonstrate Diversity in My TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay?

It’s common for students to feel as though they don’t bring any diverse qualities to the table, and thus, struggle with this essay. They may think that because they are not from a traditional “category of diversity” such as race, economic class, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion, culture, language, immigration and disability, that they have nothing worth discussing. This couldn't be further from the truth and has to do with a misunderstanding of the meaning behind the word.

In the case of the TMDSAS personal characteristics essay, ‘diversity’ is broadly defined to encompass a wide range of personal experiences, backgrounds, and unique attributes that an applicant brings to the medical field. This includes, but is not limited to, cultural, socioeconomic, educational diversity, life experiences, and personal challenges overcome, which contribute to a richer, more diverse medical community.

If you feel you need assistance with crafting your diversity story for your characteristics essay, our academic advisors can help:

“Ashley was really helpful in finding ways for me to think about my experiences and how they might be incorporated into my diversity essays. I struggled writing those essays and left them for last because I was lost on how to start them, let alone what to write about.” – Anonymous, Former BeMo Student

Our former student Alison reflected on her unique experience with the AMCAS and TMDSAS essays. She understands the important of students drawing from their life experiences to showcase well-roundedness and abilities to contribute to the medical school community:

“It’s important to present diverse set of experiences in applications, not only those directly related to medicine. I was a music major and athlete. This approach helped to paint a more complete picture of who I was as a person. I also used [my third essay] to talk about an academic dishonesty incident, focusing not on excuses, but on what I learned from the experience and how it's going to make me a better physician."- Alison Edwards, Former BeMo Student

What's your story? Here're some questions for you to consider when you prepare your TMDSAS personal characteristics essay:

As previously mentioned, every student has something to contribute, you don't have to have climbed Mount Everest or traveled overseas for your experience to be worthwhile. Experiences don't have to be exotic or require travel, you just have to connect back to how that experience influenced you in your journey to become a physician.

You have problem heard the saying, \u2018show, don\u2019t tell\u2019 when it comes to writing essays. This is crucial. Make sure you use concrete examples and describe why you are more resilient, introspective, empathetic (or whatever qualities you decide to discuss) today. Listing items holds no value and isn't believable. Everyone can list an item, but not everyone can support their discussion through personal examples. ","label":"Show, don't tell","title":"Show, don't tell"}]" code="tab2" template="BlogArticle">

TMDSAS Medical School Application Timeline

Refer to the following important dates for you to navigate the application in a timely fashion:

Medical applicants must decide which program to accept "}]">

The personal characteristics essay is one of the required components of your TMDSAS application. Simply put, you can regard this essay’s prompt as a diversity prompt. You must demonstrate what new perspectives, knowledge, or skills you can contribute to the incoming medical class. Note that the term diversity is meant very broadly here. 

While you can write about traditional categories of diversity such as race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or immigration status, you are also encouraged to get creative with what you include in your essay. Every single person on the planet has unique experiences and events that shaped who they are – dig deep and brainstorm distinctive narratives that you can include in your personal characteristics essay.

As I already mentioned, you must get creative with your essay. Just because you have lived in the same town or city your entire life or never swam across Lake Ontario does not mean that you do not have a unique story to tell. There is no need to fabricate events or experiences, believe me. Ask yourself the following: 

• Have you ever faced a challenge? How did it shape your character? What did you do to overcome it? 
• Have you ever met a person whose worldview was completely different from yours? What did you learn? How did this impact you?
• What do you do in your free time? Do you have a passion outside of medicine? Do you play music, sports, or create art? 
• Reflect on your family circumstances and how they shaped you and your desire to become a physician. 

I can go on and on, but the point here is that your story is unique – share it with the admissions committee.

While the personal statement asks why you are the right candidate for medical school, the personal characteristics essay asks you to demonstrate your unique experiences and skills that can broaden the perspectives of your future medical school peers, and the optional essay is your chance to discuss any experiences or events that are relevant to your application which you have not previously discussed. I know it may be frustrating to prepare so many primary essays for your application, but all your essays must be of the highest quality – do not think the personal characteristics essay is any less important than the personal essay. 

Remember, the prompts are all different. To succeed, you must answer the prompt of the essay you are writing, whether it’s the personal statement, personal characteristics essay, optional essay, or the  medical school secondary essays . 

I strongly advise you to stick to 1-3 experiences or events. Remember, you must show rather than tell your story. Include concrete examples, describe your feelings and mental state, explain how certain experiences or events shaped you. Do not simply say, for example, “I served in the military. It was challenging.” – give the reader a vivid image of you in the military and how it shaped your character. What can your peers in medical school learn from you and your experience? Sticking to 1-3 experiences will allow you to speak of them in detail.

TMDSAS limits your personal characteristics essay to 2500 characters including spaces.

The composition of your personal characteristics essay will follow the academic essay structure: introduction, body, and conclusion. While this essay will be shorter than the personal statement, nevertheless, it must be well organized, clean, and easy to follow. 

Unfortunately, you can’t change your essay after you submit it. The only items in your application that you can change after you submit your application include the following: contact information, colleges attended, college coursework, terms attended, planned enrollment, My Account, and Test Scores.

While this application component is absolutely essential, it is not the sole reason for your acceptance or medical school rejection . You will need to have other strong elements, including transcripts, evaluators, and standardized test scores.

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Personal Characteristics Essay: Top Examples and Tips for Successful Writing

Looking to write a compelling personal characteristics essay? Our article offers top examples and tips for successful writing.

Posted August 18, 2023

Featuring Ellen W.

AADSAS Essay: What Do I Say?

Starting wednesday, may 29.

11:00 PM UTC · 60 minutes

Table of Contents

When it comes to writing a personal characteristics essay, there are several important factors to consider to ensure that your essay stands out from the rest. This type of essay requires you to talk about your personal traits and characteristics and how they have shaped your life experiences and decisions. Writing a personal characteristics essay can be daunting, but with the right strategies and techniques, you can craft an impressive essay that leaves a lasting impression.

Understanding the Purpose of a Personal Characteristics Essay

Before diving into the writing process, it's essential to understand the purpose of a personal characteristics essay. The purpose of this type of essay is to showcase your unique qualities and characteristics, which makes you stand out from the rest. It's an opportunity for the reader to gain insight into your personality and the way you think. Your essay should not only provide a description of your traits but also demonstrate how they influence your actions and decisions.

Additionally, a personal characteristics essay can also serve as a tool for self-reflection and personal growth. Through the process of writing about your traits and how they have impacted your life, you may gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your values. This type of essay can also help you identify areas for improvement and set goals for personal development.

How to Choose a Topic for Your Personal Characteristics Essay

Choosing the right topic for your personal characteristics essay is crucial. You want to select a topic that not only reflects your personality but also allows you to showcase your writing skills. Start by brainstorming a list of traits and characteristics that define you. From there, select a topic that highlights one or two of these traits. Think about a situation that showcases these traits and how you overcame a challenge or learned a valuable lesson.

Another important factor to consider when choosing a topic for your personal characteristics essay is your audience. Think about who will be reading your essay and what they might be interested in learning about you. Consider selecting a topic that is relatable and relevant to your audience, while still highlighting your unique qualities.

It's also important to remember that your personal characteristics essay should not just be a list of traits or accomplishments. Instead, focus on telling a story that illustrates your personality and how it has shaped your experiences and perspectives. Choose a topic that allows you to delve deeper into your personal journey and share insights that will resonate with your readers.

Brainstorming Techniques for Your Personal Characteristics Essay

Brainstorming is an essential step in the writing process. It allows you to generate ideas and make connections between them. Try using mind maps or free-writing to get your ideas down on paper. You might also consider asking friends or family members what they think your most prominent traits are to get an outside perspective.

Another effective technique for brainstorming your personal characteristics essay is to reflect on your past experiences and how they have shaped you. Think about challenges you have faced and how you overcame them, or moments of success and how they have contributed to your personal growth. These experiences can provide valuable insight into your character and help you identify key traits to highlight in your essay.

The Importance of Organizing Your Thoughts and Ideas

Once you've generated your ideas, it's time to organize them. Start by creating an outline that includes the main points you want to make in your essay. Your outline should also include the introduction, body, and conclusion sections of your essay. Organizing your thoughts and ideas will help you stay on track and ensure that you cover all the necessary points in your essay.

Moreover, organizing your thoughts and ideas can also help you identify any gaps in your argument or areas where you need to do more research. By creating an outline, you can see where you need to add more information or examples to support your points. This can help you create a more well-rounded and convincing essay.

Additionally, organizing your thoughts and ideas can also help you save time in the long run. When you have a clear outline to follow, you can write your essay more efficiently and effectively. You won't waste time trying to figure out what to write next or how to structure your essay. Instead, you can focus on writing high-quality content that supports your thesis statement and engages your readers.

Tips for Writing a Strong Introduction to Your Essay

The introduction to your essay is crucial as it sets the tone for the rest of your essay. Your introduction should grab the reader's attention and entice them to keep reading. Consider starting with a hook, such as a quote, an anecdote, or a question. Your introduction should also include your thesis statement, which outlines the main point of your essay.

In addition to a hook and thesis statement, your introduction should also provide some background information on the topic you are writing about. This can help to contextualize your essay and give the reader a better understanding of the subject matter. However, be careful not to include too much information in your introduction, as it can become overwhelming and detract from the main point of your essay.

The Art of Developing a Compelling Thesis Statement

Your thesis statement should be concise and clear. It should provide a roadmap for the rest of your essay. Think about the main point you want to make and how you plan on supporting it throughout your essay. Make sure your thesis statement is arguable and specific.

Supporting Your Claims with Relevant Examples and Evidence

To make your essay more compelling, you should back up your claims and arguments with relevant examples and evidence. This will help your reader understand the extent of your personal qualities and how they have impacted your life experiences. Make sure to include specific examples from your life that illustrate the qualities you're discussing in your essay.

One effective way to provide evidence for your claims is to use statistics or data that support your argument. For example, if you're writing an essay about the benefits of exercise, you could include statistics about the number of people who have improved their health through regular exercise. This will add credibility to your argument and make it more convincing.

Another way to support your claims is to use expert opinions or quotes from reputable sources. This can help to strengthen your argument and show that you have done your research on the topic. Be sure to properly cite any sources you use in your essay.

The Power of Descriptive Writing: Painting a Vivid Picture with Words

Descriptive writing is a powerful tool that can be used to paint a vivid picture of your experiences and personality in your essay. Use sensory details to help your reader visualize your experiences. Consider incorporating metaphors or similes to make your writing more interesting and engaging.

Adding Depth and Complexity to Your Essay through Analysis and Reflection

Analysis and reflection are essential elements of an outstanding personal characteristics essay. Once you have described your traits and experiences, you should analyze how they have contributed to your personal growth and development. Reflection is also important as it allows you to consider how you might apply your characteristics to future situations.

The Benefits of Peer Review and Collaboration in Essay Writing

Collaborating with others can be immensely helpful in refining your essay. You might consider having a friend or family member review your essay and provide feedback. Peer review can help you identify areas where your essay needs improvement and provide suggestions for how to improve it.

Strategies for Effective Editing and Proofreading

Editing and proofreading are crucial steps in the writing process. Once you have completed your essay, take a break and come back to it with fresh eyes. Look for errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Make sure to also check that your essay flows logically and that your arguments are well-supported.

Addressing Common Pitfalls in Personal Characteristics Essays

One common pitfall in personal characteristics essays is focusing too much on describing your traits instead of analyzing how they have impacted your life experiences. Another common pitfall is using cliches or generic language instead of making your essay unique and interesting. Be sure to avoid these pitfalls to ensure your essay stands out.

Using Keywords and Meta Tags to Optimize Your Essay for Search Engines

If you plan on publishing your essay online, you might consider optimizing it for search engines such as Google. This involves using keywords and meta tags in your essay that will help it appear higher in search results. Be sure to research the most popular keywords related to your topic and include them strategically in your essay.

Crafting an Impressive Conclusion that Leaves a Lasting Impression

Finally, your conclusion should leave a lasting impression on the reader. Summarize your main points and reiterate your thesis statement. Think about what you want your reader to take away from your essay. Consider ending with a call to action or a memorable quote.

Writing a personal characteristics essay can be a challenging task, but with the right strategies and techniques, you can craft an impressive essay that showcases your unique qualities and characteristics. By following the tips outlined above, you'll be well on your way to writing a successful personal characteristics essay that leaves a lasting impression.

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

• Essay 1: Summer Program
• Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
• Essay 3: Why Medicine
• Essay 4: Love of Writing
• Essay 5: Starting a Fire
• Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
• Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
• Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
• Essay 9: Eritrea
• Essay 10: Journaling
• Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally. 

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read. 

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.”  They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great. 

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.  

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day? 

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture. 

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality. 

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration. 

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars. 

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”.  They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in. 

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose. 

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.  Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents. 

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger  waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I  am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate,  perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student  from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient  streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells.  Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and  Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books  borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is.  No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted  dunes.  No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother,  her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes).  It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too  early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal  lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no  films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus  Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time.  You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the  crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells.  I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding  against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a  sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting  in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero .  I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic.  “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.”  Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential.  Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader. 

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay. 

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

Essay Guides for Each School

How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity College Essay

4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay

How to Write the “Why This College” Essay

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, personal characteristics essay.

Hi everyone! I'm working on a personal characteristics essay for a college application and wondering if you could guide me on what to include. What kind of qualities and experiences would be most effective to write about? Thanks in advance!

Hello! Writing a personal characteristics essay is a great opportunity to showcase the unique qualities and experiences that make you stand out as an applicant. Here are a few tips to help you highlight these aspects effectively:

1. Self-awareness and self-reflection: Colleges appreciate students who can look inward and are aware of their strengths, weaknesses, and growth opportunities. Reflect on how you've grown over time, what challenges you've faced, and how you've overcome them. This demonstrates maturity and a willingness to learn from your experiences.

2. Genuine passion: Choose qualities that genuinely resonate with you rather than those you think the admissions officers want to hear. Be authentic about what excites you and how it has shaped your goals or aspirations. This will make your essay more engaging and relatable.

3. Show, don't tell: Instead of simply stating your qualities, use anecdotes or experiences to illustrate them. You could describe a specific project, extracurricular activity, or event where you demonstrated leadership, creativity, resilience, or another characteristic. This makes your essay more memorable and helps the reader better understand your personality.

4. Be specific: Avoid generic statements like "I'm a hard worker" or "I'm a good leader." Instead, focus on specific examples that showcase these qualities. For instance, you could discuss a time when you managed a team project under tight deadlines or when you took the initiative to start a new club at school.

5. Highlight your impact: Discuss the impact your personal characteristics have had on others, such as your friends, family, or community. This could include volunteer work, tutoring others, or participating in group activities where your qualities positively influenced the outcome.

6. Balance: While it's important to showcase your strengths, also recognize areas where you could improve. This shows humility and a commitment to personal growth, further enhancing your self-awareness.

7. Keep it concise and well-organized: Focus on a few key characteristics and experiences, rather than trying to cover too much ground. Make sure your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs for each quality or experience, and a conclusion that ties everything together.

In summary, when writing a personal characteristics essay, focus on being self-aware, genuine, specific, and impactful. Use anecdotes and experiences to illustrate your qualities, while remaining concise and well-organized. Good luck with your essay!

About CollegeVine’s Expert FAQ

CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

Personal Statement and Essay Prompts 2020: AMCAS, AACOMAS, and TMDSAS

Looking for a comprehensive index of all required essay prompts for the AMCAS, AACOMAS, and TMDSAS applications?

Look no further. Personal statements, short essays, experience descriptions - it’s all covered here.

All the prompts and character limits were gathered online from primary sources ( AAMC , AACOM , etc.) or from our past 2019 students. We’ve tried to ensure that this information is accurate and up-to-date, but please note that it’s subject to change.

We want to be a one-stop shop for all the medical school primary essay prompts, so please let us know if you notice any discrepancies. Don’t forget to brush up on the AMCAS, AACOMAS, and TMDSAS Deadlines .

Oh, and if you’re looking for tips and examples, you’ll find those here, too.

Just follow the links:

Table of Contents

2020 AMCAS Essay Prompts

Personal Statement Prompt

Institutional Action Prompt

Disadvantaged Information Prompt

Experience Descriptions Prompt

Most Meaningful Remarks Prompt

2020 AACOMAS Essay Prompts

2020 tmdsas essay prompts.

Personal Characteristics Prompt

Optional Essay Prompt

Most Meaningful Essays Prompt

BONUS: All Medical School Secondary Essays 2019-2020 (by state)

2020 AMCAS PERSONAL STATEMENT PROMPT

(5300 characters max)

Use the space provided to explain why you want to go to medical school. The available space for your response is 5300 characters, or approximately one full page. You will receive an error message if you exceed the available space. For additional assistance, click "help" on the tool bar at the top of the screen.

There are a few follow up questions to help you:

• Why have you selected the field of medicine?
• What motivates you to learn more about medicine?
• What do you want medical schools to know about you that hasn't been disclosed in other sections of the application?
• Unique hardships, challenges, or obstacles that may have influenced your educational pursuits.
• Commentary on significant fluctuations in your academic record that are not explained elsewhere in your application.

SAVVY PRE-MED TIPS:

Whew, where to start? Hmm… probably here:

Savvy Pre-med's Ultimate Guide to Writing Your Personal Statement

But seriously, the personal statement is a complex, multifaceted process, so you might want to target certain areas. Here are some elements we’ve covered:

Getting Started on Your Draft

Writing Attention-Grabbing Hooks

Average vs. Compelling Personal Statements

Crafting Your “Why Medicine” Answer

Cliches to Avoid

How to Know Your Personal Statement is Finished

Our full archive of articles on the personal statement

Jump back to the Table of Contents .

2020 AMCAS INSTITUTIONAL ACTION PROMPT

(1325 characters max)

MILITARY DISCHARGE

The question asks if you’ve ever been discharged by the Armed Forces. If you answer Yes, you’ll be asked if you received an honorable discharge or discharge under honorable circumstances. If you answer No, you must explain in 1,325 characters the circumstances of your discharge, including the circumstances leading to your discharge, your period of service, and your rank at the time of discharge.

FELONIES AND MISDEMEANORS

You must indicate if you have ever been convicted of, or pleaded guilty or no contest to, a felony crime or misdemeanor, excluding

(1) Any offense for which you were adjudicated as a juvenile

(2) Convictions that have been expunged or sealed by a court (in states where applicable).

You need not disclose any instance in which you:

• Were arrested but not charged

• Were arrested and charged, with the charges dropped

• Were arrested and charged, but found not guilty by a judge or jury

• Were arrested and found guilty by a judge or jury, with the conviction overturned on appeal

• Were arrested and found guilty but received an executive pardon

If you answer Yes, you’ll have 1,325 characters to explain the circumstances of your conviction, including the number of conviction(s), the nature of the offense(s) leading to conviction(s), the date(s) and location(s) of conviction(s), the sentence(s) imposed, and the type(s) of rehabilitation.

Academic Probation

You must answer "Yes" if you were ever the recipient of any institutional action resulting from unacceptable academic performance or a conduct violation, even if such action did not interrupt your enrollment or require you to withdraw. You must answer "Yes" even if the action does not appear on or has been deleted from your official transcripts due to institutional policy or personal petition. If you answer Yes, you’ll have 1,325 characters to explain the circumstances.

If you are not certain whether or not you have been the subject of an institutional action, contact the registrar, student affairs officer, or other appropriate party at the institution for confirmation of your record. Applicants who become the subject of an institutional action after certifying and submitting the AMCAS application must inform their designated medical schools that an action has occurred.

Don't feel obligated to fill all 1325 characters for this essay:

PARAGRAPH 1

1-2 sentences to explain the factors that led to the institutional action

It's wise to let the facts speak for themselves. If there were extenuating circumstances that led to this anomalous blip in your record, make sure to include those as evidence, BUT DON'T editorialize or try to make direct excuses for what happened. The goal in the beginning is to just acknowledge and own up to the IA.

PARAGRAPH 2

3-4 sentences to explain how you've rectified the situation

This will depend a lot on your situation, but typically, it will involve some kind of probation, mandatory classes, written letters, court appearances, etc. Beyond explaining the requirements you fulfilled and your current good standing, discuss the ways you've sought to improve overall as a person.

PARAGRAPH 3

1-2 sentences to explain the growth, personal qualities, and lessons you’ve gained

Again, this will depend a lot on your situation. Perhaps there's some activity or endeavor that you can use as "proof" of your growth as a person (i.e. tutoring other struggling students or serving on the student judiciary board). If not, just explain what you learned from the experience and how it's turned you into a better person moving forward.

2020 AMCAS DISADVANTAGED INFORMATION PROMPT

When you click the box on the AMCAS application to see if the status applies to you, here is what AMCAS provides:

Underserved: Do you believe, based on your own experiences or the experiences of family and friends, that the area in which you grew up was adequately served by the available health care professionals? Were there enough physicians, nurses, hospitals, clinics, and other health care service providers?

Immediate Family: The Federal Government broadly defines “immediate family” as “spouse, parent, child, sibling, mother or father-in-law, son or daughter-in-law, or sister or brother-in-law, including step and adoptive relationships.”

State and Federal Assistance Programs: These programs are specifically defined as “Means-Tested Programs” under which the individual, family, or household income and assets must be below specified thresholds. The sponsoring agencies then provide cash and non-cash assistance to eligible individuals, families, or households. Such programs include welfare benefit programs (federal, state, and local) Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC or ADC); unemployment compensation; General Assistance (GA); food stamps; Supplemental Security Income (SSI); Medicaid; housing assistance; or other federal, state, or local financial assistance programs.

If you think there are other circumstances that have contributed to your disadvantaged status that are not listed, don't feel constrained by the above.

In addition to requesting family financial data, AMCAS provides the opportunity for a 1,325 character statement explaining why you should be considered disadvantaged.

EXAMPLE PARAGRAPH 1

2-3 sentences to explain the factors that contribute to your disadvantaged status

I am blessed to have been adopted by my grandparents, who provided a stable life by removing me from a destructive environment with an absent father and drug-addicted mother. However, due to my grandparents’ age and physical limits, I missed out on many things people take for granted, like playing catch with one’s father or enjoying student-parent activities.

EXAMPLE PARAGRAPH 2

5-6 sentences to illustrate the day-to-day struggles as a result of your status

I am a first-generation college student who has been financially independent since age 18. My discipline stems from my teenage years when I worked manual labor on construction sites. This translated into dedication and focus, as I later sought a scholarship to subsidize my schooling and worked full-time alongside a rigorous course load. To fund my college experience, I attended a local university and gained merit-based aid, balancing school (20+ unit semesters) and three jobs (totaling 40+ hours/week). My lack of expendable income prevented me from accessing certain opportunities off-campus. Luckily, the Wilkinson Honors Scholarship provided a dorm stipend that covered most of my living expenses. However, to further cut costs, I went without a car and obtained an on-campus job and research opportunity.

EXAMPLE CONCLUSION

1-2 sentences to explain the growth, personal qualities, and lessons you’ve gained as a result of your status

Overall, my obstacles have given me more resolve to plan ahead, meet my goals, and help others do the same.

2020 AMCAS EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTIONS PROMPT

(15 activities or less, 700 characters max for each)

The Work/Activities section of the application is designed to give you the opportunity to highlight your work experience, extracurricular activities, awards, honors, or publications that you would like to bring to the attention of the medical schools to which you are applying.

You may enter a maximum of 15 experiences, and you may enter four separate date ranges for recurring experiences. This section cannot be edited or updated after the original submission of your application. Work and activities will appear on your application in chronological order and may not be rearranged. However, please be aware that medical schools sort your entries and view them in a variety of different orders to suit their specific review processes.

Medical schools receive your Work/Activities descriptions as plain text. Therefore, formatting options such as bulleted lists, indented paragraphs, and bold/italic fonts do not appear for reviewers and are not available.

You have the opportunity to describe or summarize each experience. The space allotted for each description is 700 characters.

We often get questions about whether it’s better to use bullet points or paragraphs for these descriptions. Either is fine! The key is being consistent in the way you choose to format your descriptions. Here’s an example of both methods:

BULLET POINT EXAMPLE

Outreach Coordinator                St. Augustine Orphanage, Tijuana, Mexico

- Planned, fundraised, and led a volunteer service trip to impoverished communities in Mexico

- Coordinated and managed a team of 20 volunteers and faculty

- Executed simple, precise interventions to spread change across a population

- Improved communication and bedside manner while engaging locals about their health problems and barriers to care

- Lived alongside children in multiple orphanages in Tijuana and poorer rural areas

- Brought clothes and supplies and provided hygiene demos for the children

- Gained insight into disparities and social determinants of health in underserved populations

- Wrote detailed protocol and reflection exercises for future leaders to use on their trips  

PARAGRAPH EXAMPLE

As outreach coordinator, I fundraised and led a service trip to impoverished communities in Mexico. In this role, I managed a team of 20 volunteers and faculty to execute interventions and spread change across a population. As part of this experience, we lived alongside children in multiple orphanages in Tijuana while donating supplies and providing hygiene demos. I improved my communication and bedside manner while engaging locals about their health problems and barriers. During this time, I gained insight into disparities and social determinants of health for the underserved. After the trip, I wrote a detailed protocol and reflection exercises for future leaders to use on their trips.

In your experience descriptions, try to show your “Trackable Progress”:

“Trackable progress” can be any number of things:

- Earned promotion within first three months of working for Lab XYZ

- Assigned new responsibilities of training recent hires and creating orientation manuals

- Ran promotional campaign that tripled our club’s active membership

- Garnered over half of the company’s referrals during the last two years

- Updated and improved the lab’s protocols to cut costs by more than half

If possible, support these bullets with quantitative evidence and stats (EX: raised membership by 50%, trained 50+ employees, etc). This data will show a lot about your contributions without taking up too much space.

020 AMCAS MOST MEANINGFUL REMARKS PROMPT

(choose 3 of your activities, 1325 characters max for each)

You may identify up to three experiences that you consider to be the most meaningful. This designation will allow you an additional 1,325 characters to explain why the experience(s) was particularly meaningful to you.

When writing your summary, you may want to consider the transformative nature of the experience, the impact you made while engaging in the activity, and the personal growth you experienced as a result of your participation. If you have two or more experience entries, you will be required to identify at least one as the more or most meaningful.

You may change which experience(s) you designate as Most Meaningful until the initial submission of your application. The text you entered in the Experience Summary section will be lost if you remove an experience from those you have designated as Most Meaningful. Your Most Meaningful selection(s) will be designated as such by a check-mark in the Work/Activities main screen.

If you’re in doubt about what to choose, many students will include one medically oriented activity, one leadership activity, and one extracurricular (research, service, etc). As long as you’ve invested significant time and energy into the activity (compared to your others), then it’s fair game for a most meaningful essay.  

Once you’ve narrowed down your possible choices based on time and commitment, you’ll want to ask yourself some brainstorming questions to determine the best activities and angles to explore in your most meaningful essays.

Remember that it’s okay to overlap the experiences of the personal statement and most meaningful essays, as long as you don’t repeat stories or lessons verbatim.

BRAINSTORMING QUESTIONS:

Which of the activities had the most setbacks or failures? Can you recall one or two specific moments that required your resilience?

Which of the activities presented the steepest learning curves? Why were they so challenging? Did you have to change something about yourself to succeed?

Did any of the activities expose you to people much different than yourself? Were their difficulties in communicating and collaborating with them?

Which of the activities most surprised you? Can you recall any moments within them when your perspective on medicine or life shifted?

Did you get more than expected out of a particular activity? Why? Vice versa, were there activities that disappointed you for some reason? How did you respond?

Which of the activities made you the most apprehensive? Why? Can you recall one or two moments that pushed you outside your comfort zone?

Which of the activities taught you a new skill that you otherwise wouldn’t have learned? Did you learn or realize how you could apply this skill moving forward?

How-to Guide and Most Meaningful Essay Example

5 Reasons You Should Apply to DO Schools - MUST READ!

2020 AACOMAS PERSONAL STATEMENT PROMPT

This section is where you can write a statement, which is shared with all your osteopathic medicine schools. Once you submit your application, you cannot edit this section.

• Keep your topic general : Keep the statement general as this essay is sent to all the programs you apply to. If you plan to only apply to one program, we still strongly recommend keeping your statement general in case you later apply to additional programs. Once you submit your application, the essay cannot be edited or changed.
• Do not exceed the maximum length : Refer to the number below the field in the application. This is the number of characters (not words) that you can use in your essay. As you type, you can see how many characters are still available. Characters include spaces, carriage returns, and punctuation. You cannot save your essay if it exceeds the character limit.
• Use your own words : Plagiarizing any part of your essay is a violation of the code of conduct and may subject you to sanctions.
• Use simple formatting : Formatting such as tabs, italics, multiple spaces, etc. will not be saved. To delineate paragraphs, type a double return between each paragraph.

Thankfully, the AACOMAS recently decided to give candidates more space, as compared to past years when you only had 4500 characters.

Still, most candidates face the challenge of converting an MD personal statement into a DO one. What to cut? What to add? What are the essentials to include?

We’ve distilled our years of wisdom from helping candidates down into:

5 Simple Steps to Turn Your AMCAS Essay into Your AACOMAS Essay

2020 AACOMAS DISADVANTAGED INFORMATION PROMPT

There is no essay on the AACOMAS to explain your disadvantaged status, but the application has a series of questions to categorize you:

(Yes/No) Your parent's family income falls within the table's guidelines and you are considered to have met the criteria for economically disadvantaged.

(Yes/No) I am from a family that lives in an area that is designated as a Health Professional Shortage Area or a Medically Underserved Area.

(Yes/No) I graduated from a high school at which many of the enrolled students are eligible for free or reduced price lunches.

(Yes/No) I am from a school district where 50% or less of graduates go to college or where college education is not encouraged.

(Yes/No) I am the first generation in my family to attend college (neither my mother nor my father attended college).

(Yes/No) English is not my primary language.

Savvy Pre-med Tips:

Use some space in the personal statement to elaborate on your disadvantaged background, especially if the circumstances require contextual explanation.

Also keep in mind that the DO secondary essays tend to be rather generous in the amount of space they provide (sometimes up to 500 words per essay). These essays will give you additional opportunities to discuss disadvantages.

Refer to our tips for the AMCAS Disadvantaged Information Prompt .

2020 AACOMAS INSTITUTIONAL ACTION PROMPT

(500 characters max)

Applicants will be asked to disclose information regarding prior criminal offenses. Failure to accurately and truthfully disclose such offenses on the AACOMAS application may result in an offer of admission being rescinded or, if the omission is discovered after enrollment in medical school, in dismissal.

Have you ever been disciplined for student conduct violations (e.g. academic probation, dismissal, suspension, disqualification, etc.) by any college or school?

Have you ever been disciplined for academic performance (e.g. academic probation, dismissal, suspension, disqualification, etc.) by any college or school?

Have you ever been convicted of a Felony?

Have you ever had any certification, registration, license or clinical privileges revoked, suspended or in any way restricted by an institution, state or locality?

Have you ever been convicted of a Misdemeanor?

If you answer Yes to any of these questions, you’ll have 500 characters to explain.

Refer to our tips for the AMCAS Institutional Action Prompt .

2020 AACOMAS EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTIONS PROMPT

(600 characters max for each entry)

Key differences between AACOMAS and AMCAS experience descriptions:

• AACOMAS does not have Most Meaningful Remarks
• AACOMAS gives you 100 fewer characters for your descriptions
• AACOMAS breaks its “Supporting Information” into Experiences and Achievements - no limit on the total number of entries for either
• AACOMAS has fewer category distinctions for Experiences (only volunteering, healthcare experience, or paid/non-healthcare experience)
• Achievements include honors/awards, presentations, or publications
• Distinguish your AACOMAS hobbies as “non-healthcare experience”

Refer to our tips for the AMCAS Experience Descriptions Prompt .

2020 TMDSAS PERSONAL STATEMENT PROMPT

(5000 characters max)

The personal statement essay is limited to 5000 characters, including spaces. Explain your motivation to seek a career in medicine. Be sure to include the value of your experiences that prepare you to be a physician.

Refer to our tips for the AMCAS Personal Statement Prompt .

2020 TMDSAS PERSONAL CHARACTERISTICS PROMPT

(2500 characters max)

The personal characteristics essay is limited to 2500 characters, including spaces. Learning from others is enhanced in educational settings that include individuals from diverse backgrounds and experiences. Please describe your personal characteristics (background, talents, skills, etc.) or experiences that would add to the educational experience of others.

It’s wise to choose one of your Most Meaningful AMCAS essays and expand upon it (from 1325 to 2500 characters).

Is one of your three Most Meaningfuls more distinct than the other two? Does one focus on a more atypical pre-med activity? If so, that’s probably the one to choose, since this prompt is looking for “diverse backgrounds and experiences.”

If all three of your Meaningfuls feel equally distinct (or equally average), pick the one that would give you the most useful insights to share with your future classmates (i.e. “add to the educational experience of others”).

When adding content (~1000 characters) to your Most Meaningful, here’s where to focus your attention:

Add 1-2 sentences to the “hook” of the essay (paragraph 1) to make the experience even more vivid and concrete for the reader

Add 3-4 sentences to the “plot” of the essay (paragraph 1 or 2) to expound on your biggest responsibilities, contributions, and accomplishments

Add 3-4 sentences to the “reflection” of the essay (paragraph 2 or 3) to explain how this activity and its lessons make you a diverse and valuable candidate

Refer to our tips for the AMCAS Most Meaningful Essays Prompt .

2020 TMDSAS OPTIONAL ESSAY PROMPT

The optional essay is limited to 2500 characters, including spaces. The optional essay is an opportunity to provide the admissions committee(s) with a broader picture of who you are as an applicant. This essay is optional; however, you are strongly encouraged to take advantage of this opportunity. Briefly state any unique circumstances or life experiences that are relevant to your application. This is not an area to continue your essay or reiterate what you have previously stated - this area is provided to address any issues which have not previously been addressed.

If you’ve written or will be writing a Disadvantaged Essay for the MD application (discussed in the following module), then it makes sense to use that same essay here and expand upon it (from 1325 to 2500 characters).

When adding content (~1000 characters) to your Disadvantaged Essay, here’s where to focus your attention:

Add 1-2 sentences to the “hook” of the essay (paragraph 1) to make your backstory even more vivid and concrete for the reader

Add 3-4 sentences to the “plot” of the essay (paragraph 1 or 2) to expound on your biggest challenges, obstacles, limitations, etc.

Add 3-4 sentences to the “reflection” of the essay (paragraph 2 or 3) to explain how your hardships and their lessons make you a valuable candidate

Even if you’re not disadvantaged, you should still answer this TMDSAS Optional Essay by using another one of your Most Meaningfuls. With the two choices remaining, choose the one that has more autobiographical or personal relevance, or perhaps the one that better illustrates your exemplary qualities (leadership, creativity, problem solving, innovation, initiative, etc.).

Add 3-4 sentences to the “reflection” of the essay (paragraph 2 or 3) to explain how this activity and its lessons make you a valuable candidate

2020 TMDSAS DISADVANTAGED INFORMATION PROMPT

There is no essay on the TMDSAS to explain your disadvantaged status, but the application has a series of Yes/No questions to categorize your socioeconomic standing:

1st generation undergraduate:

1st generation graduate:

Parent/guardian of dependent children:

Primary language:

Bilingual or multilingual:

Fluent in languages other than English:

Household size:

Household income:

Residential property value:

Ever live in subsidized housing:

Ever receive benefits from the Federal Free and Reduced Meal program:

Responsibilities raising other children in household while attending elementary and/or high school:

Were you required to contribute to the overall family income (as opposed to working primarily for your own discretionary spending money) while attending high school:

Zip Code to age 18:

Lived outside US to age 18:

Percentage of college expenses provided by:

Academic scholarships:

Financial need-based scholarships:

Jobs/Employment:

Other Sources:

Received a Pell Grant during undergraduate education:

Still full-time student:

Use the TMDSAS Optional Essay to elaborate on your disadvantages.

Refer to our tips for the TMDSAS Optional Essay Prompt .

2020 TMDSAS INSTITUTIONAL ACTION PROMPT

(600 characters max)

If you answer Yes to any of the following questions, you’ll be given 600 characters to explain.

(Yes/No) Has your education ever been interrupted for any reason?

(Yes/No) Were you ever the recipient of any action by any college or professional school for unacceptable academic performance?

(Yes/No) Were you ever the recipient of any action by any college or professional school for conduct violations?

(Yes/No) Have you ever been sanctioned or received disciplinary action by a State Licensure Board of any kind (i.e., nursing, pharmacy, legal, etc.)?

(Yes/No) Are you currently under charge or have you ever been convicted of a felony or misdemeanor, or have you ever received a felony or misdemeanor deferred adjudication?

2020 TMDSAS EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTIONS PROMPT

(300 characters max for each entry, no limit on number of entries)

Healthcare and Employment Activities may be listed in each category if the experience was a paid position; otherwise, do not list experiences in more than one section. For example, a scribing job would be listed in both Healthcare Activities and Employment. The Employment and Activities categories are as follows:

• Academic Recognition
• Non-Academic Recognition
• Research Activities
• Healthcare Activities
• Community Service
• Extracurricular & Leisure Activities
• Planned Activities
• Identifying Top Meaningful Activities

REFER TO OUR TIPS FOR THE AMCAS EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTIONS PROMPT .

2020 tmdsas most meaningful essays prompt.

(choose 3 of your activities, 500 characters max for each)

This section was recently added last cycle. The TMDSAS now asks you to identify three top meaningful activities.

With only 500 characters, try to capture the activity through an emotionally-gripping or inspirational scene:

As our team approached the scene, we were greeted by the scorched remnants of Dave’s trailer - four deflated tires and a melted frame - the result of an arsonist attack. This was my first ride-along with the American Red Cross. The Disaster Action Team provided clothes, water, blankets, and a few hundred dollars, but it was clear Dave needed more than temporary supplies. A humble realization set in - I will not be able to save everyone, but I will always strive to be a buoy to keep them afloat.

499 characters

END OF CONTENTS

We hope you find this resource useful. Make sure to bookmark it as a reference throughout your application cycle!

If these essays feel overwhelming, you can BOOK A FREE MEETING with our expert medical school advisors for more guidance. We’ve helped hundreds of students write their personal statements and essays, and we’d love to help you on your writing journey!

Good luck!  

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Accepted Admissions Blog

Everything you need to know to get Accepted

July 7, 2019

TMDSAS Personal Characteristics Essay: What Do They Want?

The Accepted consultants recently had a productive discussion about the Personal Characteristics Essay from this year’s TMDSAS application. Here’s the prompt:

Learning from others is enhanced in educational settings that include individuals from diverse backgrounds and experiences. Please describe your personal characteristics (background, talents, skills, etc.) or experiences that would add to the educational experience of others.

Is this primarily a diversity question ? A question about your unique educational experiences? A combination?

Here’s what Dr. Herman (Flash) Gordon , one of our expert med school consultants, had to say:

“As a med school educator, and former chair of admissions, I see this as a purposeful question.  Medical education is changing from the old didactic style to peer-peer education (a subset of “interactive learning”).  Typical models are case-based instruction, team learning, and pair-share.  For this to be most effective, there needs to be something to learn from your peers.  In general, the more diverse your peers, the more you will learn.

“So I see this prompt as trying to elicit how well the candidate will fit into the new model of med ed.  It would be good for applicants to describe experience with such educational models and to reflect on what they got out of the experience, as well as what they were able to contribute to others.”

In other words: this is both a diversity essay and something more than that—it’s asking you to think through the ways that your unique background and experiences will help you contribute to an evolving peer-peer education model. Being able to discuss previous experiences in a meaningful way will help you here.

A diversity essay, like any personal essay, can be anxiety-producing for applicants: some people get caught up in telling the stories they think the committee wants to hear (but not putting their own, unique imprint on them), or block their own writing process by convincing themselves that they don’t have an experience worth sharing .

Another member of our med team, Dr. Rebecca Blustein, shared her advice: “It’s worth remembering that your experience doesn’t need to be earth-shattering. You don’t need to have cured cancer or climbed Everest. What it needs to be is meaningful. That means that you’ve thought through what this experience means to you, how it has prepared you for the environment you’ll encounter in med school, and how your unique/diverse perspective will help you contribute.”

As always, if you need help with essay strategy , our experts would be happy to speak with you!

Related Resources:

• Ace the AMCAS Essay, a free guide •  Meaningful Experiences For Medical School Applicants • Get Accepted to Medical School with Low Stats , a free webinar

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Purdue Online Writing Lab Purdue OWL® College of Liberal Arts

Writing the Personal Statement

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The personal statement, your opportunity to sell yourself in the application process, generally falls into one of two categories:

1. The general, comprehensive personal statement:

This allows you maximum freedom in terms of what you write and is the type of statement often prepared for standard medical or law school application forms.

2. The response to very specific questions:

Often, business and graduate school applications ask specific questions, and your statement should respond specifically to the question being asked. Some business school applications favor multiple essays, typically asking for responses to three or more questions.

Questions to ask yourself before you write:

• What's special, unique, distinctive, and/or impressive about you or your life story?
• What details of your life (personal or family problems, history, people or events that have shaped you or influenced your goals) might help the committee better understand you or help set you apart from other applicants?
• When did you become interested in this field and what have you learned about it (and about yourself) that has further stimulated your interest and reinforced your conviction that you are well suited to this field? What insights have you gained?
• How have you learned about this field—through classes, readings, seminars, work or other experiences, or conversations with people already in the field?
• If you have worked a lot during your college years, what have you learned (leadership or managerial skills, for example), and how has that work contributed to your growth?
• What are your career goals?
• Are there any gaps or discrepancies in your academic record that you should explain (great grades but mediocre LSAT or GRE scores, for example, or a distinct upward pattern to your GPA if it was only average in the beginning)?
• Have you had to overcome any unusual obstacles or hardships (for example, economic, familial, or physical) in your life?
• What personal characteristics (for example, integrity, compassion, and/or persistence) do you possess that would improve your prospects for success in the field or profession? Is there a way to demonstrate or document that you have these characteristics?
• What skills (for example, leadership, communicative, analytical) do you possess?
• Why might you be a stronger candidate for graduate school—and more successful and effective in the profession or field than other applicants?
• What are the most compelling reasons you can give for the admissions committee to be interested in you?

General advice

Answer the questions that are asked

• If you are applying to several schools, you may find questions in each application that are somewhat similar.
• Don't be tempted to use the same statement for all applications. It is important to answer each question being asked, and if slightly different answers are needed, you should write separate statements. In every case, be sure your answer fits the question being asked.

Tell a story

• Think in terms of showing or demonstrating through concrete experience. One of the worst things you can do is to bore the admissions committee. If your statement is fresh, lively, and different, you'll be putting yourself ahead of the pack. If you distinguish yourself through your story, you will make yourself memorable.

Be specific

• Don't, for example, state that you would make an excellent doctor unless you can back it up with specific reasons. Your desire to become a lawyer, engineer, or whatever should be logical, the result of specific experience that is described in your statement. Your application should emerge as the logical conclusion to your story.

Find an angle

• If you're like most people, your life story lacks drama, so figuring out a way to make it interesting becomes the big challenge. Finding an angle or a "hook" is vital.

Concentrate on your opening paragraph

• The lead or opening paragraph is generally the most important. It is here that you grab the reader's attention or lose it. This paragraph becomes the framework for the rest of the statement.

Tell what you know

• The middle section of your essay might detail your interest and experience in your particular field, as well as some of your knowledge of the field. Too many people graduate with little or no knowledge of the nuts and bolts of the profession or field they hope to enter. Be as specific as you can in relating what you know about the field and use the language professionals use in conveying this information. Refer to experiences (work, research, etc.), classes, conversations with people in the field, books you've read, seminars you've attended, or any other source of specific information about the career you want and why you're suited to it. Since you will have to select what you include in your statement, the choices you make are often an indication of your judgment.

Don't include some subjects

• There are certain things best left out of personal statements. For example, references to experiences or accomplishments in high school or earlier are generally not a good idea. Don't mention potentially controversial subjects (for example, controversial religious or political issues).

Do some research, if needed

• If a school wants to know why you're applying to it rather than another school, do some research to find out what sets your choice apart from other universities or programs. If the school setting would provide an important geographical or cultural change for you, this might be a factor to mention.

Write well and correctly

• Be meticulous. Type and proofread your essay very carefully. Many admissions officers say that good written skills and command of correct use of language are important to them as they read these statements. Express yourself clearly and concisely. Adhere to stated word limits.

Avoid clichés

• A medical school applicant who writes that he is good at science and wants to help other people is not exactly expressing an original thought. Stay away from often-repeated or tired statements.

For more information on writing a personal statement, see the personal statement vidcast .

What Is a Personal Essay (Personal Statement)?

Glossary of Grammatical and Rhetorical Terms

• An Introduction to Punctuation
• Ph.D., Rhetoric and English, University of Georgia
• M.A., Modern English and American Literature, University of Leicester
• B.A., English, State University of New York

A personal essay is a short work of autobiographical nonfiction characterized by a sense of intimacy and a conversational manner. Also called a personal statement . 

A type of creative nonfiction , the personal essay is "all over the map," according to Annie Dillard. "There's nothing you can't do with it. No subject matter is forbidden, no structure is prescribed. You get to make up your own form every time." ("To Fashion a Text," 1998) .

Examples of Personal Essays

• An Apology for Idlers , by Robert Louis Stevenson
• On Laziness , by Christopher Morley
• Coney Island at Night, by James Huneker
• New Year's Eve , by Charles Lamb
• How It Feels to Be Colored Me , by Zora Neale Hurston
• My Wood, by E.M. Forster
• Two Ways of Seeing a River , by Mark Twain
• What I Think and Feel at 25, by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Observations

• The personal essay is one of the most common types of writing assignment--and not only in freshman composition courses. Many employers, as well as graduate and professional schools, will ask you to submit a personal essay (sometimes called a personal statement ) before even considering you for an interview. Being able to compose a coherent version of yourself in words is clearly an important skill.
• What qualities does a personal essay reveal about you? Here are just a few:
• Communication Skills How effective are your communication skills? Do you write clearly, concisely, and correctly? Note that many employers put communication skills at the top of the list of essential qualifications.
• Critical Thinking Skills How fresh and imaginative are you in your thinking? Is your writing cluttered with cliches , or is it obvious that you have original ideas to contribute?
• Maturity What specific lessons have you learned from experience, and are you ready to apply those lessons to the job or the academic program you're considering? Keep in mind that it's not enough to be able to recount a personal experience; you should be prepared to interpret it as well.
• Self and Subject in Personal Essays "[W]here the familiar essay is characterized by its everyday subject matter, the personal essay is defined more by the personality of its writer, which takes precedence over the subject. On the other hand, the personal essayist does not place himself firmly in center stage, as does the autobiographical essayist; the autobiographical element of the personal essay is far less calculated..."
• The Essayist's Persona "Personal essayists from Montaigne on have been fascinated with the changeableness and plasticity of the materials of human personality. Starting with self-description, they have realized they can never render all at once the entire complexity of a personality. So they have elected to follow an additive strategy, offering incomplete shards, one mask or persona after another: the eager, skeptical, amiable, tender, curmudgeonly, antic, somber. If 'we must remove the mask,' it is only to substitute another mask..."
• The "Antigenre": An Alternative to Academic Prose "[T]he more personal essay offers an escape from the confines of academic prose . By using this antigenre form that in contemporary essays embodies multiple kinds of writing, many essayists in search of democracy find a freedom for expressing in their writings spontaneity, self-reflexivity, accessibility, and a rhetoric of sincerity."
• Teaching the Personal Essay "Given the opportunity to speak their own authority as writers, given a turn in the conversation, students can claim their stories as primary source material and transform their experiences into evidence ..."
• Essay Forms "Despite the anthologists' custom of presenting essays as 'models of organization ,' it is the loose structure or apparent shapelessness of the essay that is often stressed in standard definitions. . . . Samuel Johnson famously defined the essay as 'an irregular, indigested piece, not a regular and orderly performance.' And certainly, a number of essayists (Hazlitt and Emerson, for instance, after the fashion of Montaigne) are readily identifiable by the wayward or fragmentary nature of their explorations. Yet each of these writers observes certain distinctive organizing (or disorganizing) principles of his own, thus charting the ramble and shaping the form. As Jeanette Harris observes in Expressive Discourse , 'Even in the case of a personal essay , which may appear informal and loosely structured, the writer has crafted with care this very appearance of informality' (122).

Theresa Werner, "Personal Essay."  Encyclopedia of the Essay , ed. by Tracy Chevalier. Fitzroy Dearborn, 1997

E.B. White , Foreword to  Essays of E.B. White . Harper and Row, 1977

Cristina Kirklighter,  Traversing the Democratic Borders of the Essay . SUNY Press, 2002

Nancy Sommers, "Between the Drafts."  College Composition and Communication , February 1992

Richard F. Nordquist, "Voices of the Modern Essay." Dissertation University of Georgia, 1991

• The Essay: History and Definition
• What is a Familiar Essay in Composition?
• What Does "Persona" Mean?
• Definition and Examples of Formal Essays
• What Are the Different Types and Characteristics of Essays?
• exploratory essay
• What Is Colloquial Style or Language?
• Periodical Essay Definition and Examples
• Definition and Examples of Humorous Essays
• Compose a Narrative Essay or Personal Statement
• Free Modifiers: Definition, Usage, and Examples
• How to Write a Successful Personal Statement for Graduate School
• Definition Examples of Collage Essays
• Talking Together: An Introduction to Conversation Analysis
• personal statement (essay)
• 6 Steps to Writing the Perfect Personal Essay

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Gre prep online guides and tips, 3 successful graduate school personal statement examples.

Looking for grad school personal statement examples? Look no further! In this total guide to graduate school personal statement examples, we’ll discuss why you need a personal statement for grad school and what makes a good one. Then we’ll provide three graduate school personal statement samples from our grad school experts. After that, we’ll do a deep dive on one of our personal statement for graduate school examples. Finally, we’ll wrap up with a list of other grad school personal statements you can find online.

Why Do You Need a Personal Statement?

A personal statement is a chance for admissions committees to get to know you: your goals and passions, what you’ll bring to the program, and what you’re hoping to get out of the program.  You need to sell the admissions committee on what makes you a worthwhile applicant. The personal statement is a good chance to highlight significant things about you that don’t appear elsewhere on your application.

A personal statement is slightly different from a statement of purpose (also known as a letter of intent). A statement of purpose/letter of intent tends to be more tightly focused on your academic or professional credentials and your future research and/or professional interests.

While a personal statement also addresses your academic experiences and goals, you have more leeway to be a little more, well, personal. In a personal statement, it’s often appropriate to include information on significant life experiences or challenges that aren’t necessarily directly relevant to your field of interest.

Some programs ask for both a personal statement and a statement of purpose/letter of intent. In this case, the personal statement is likely to be much more tightly focused on your life experience and personality assets while the statement of purpose will focus in much more on your academic/research experiences and goals.

However, there’s not always a hard-and-fast demarcation between a personal statement and a statement of purpose. The two statement types should address a lot of the same themes, especially as relates to your future goals and the valuable assets you bring to the program. Some programs will ask for a personal statement but the prompt will be focused primarily on your research and professional experiences and interests. Some will ask for a statement of purpose but the prompt will be more focused on your general life experiences.

When in doubt, give the program what they are asking for in the prompt and don’t get too hung up on whether they call it a personal statement or statement of purpose. You can always call the admissions office to get more clarification on what they want you to address in your admissions essay.

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What Makes a Good Grad School Personal Statement?

A great graduate school personal statement can come in many forms and styles. However, strong grad school personal statement examples all share the same following elements:

A Clear Narrative

Above all, a good personal statement communicates clear messages about what makes you a strong applicant who is likely to have success in graduate school. So to that extent, think about a couple of key points that you want to communicate about yourself and then drill down on how you can best communicate those points. (Your key points should of course be related to what you can bring to the field and to the program specifically).

You can also decide whether to address things like setbacks or gaps in your application as part of your narrative. Have a low GPA for a couple semesters due to a health issue? Been out of a job for a while taking care of a family member? If you do decide to explain an issue like this, make sure that the overall arc is more about demonstrating positive qualities like resilience and diligence than about providing excuses.

Specific Examples

A great statement of purpose uses specific examples to illustrate its key messages. This can include anecdotes that demonstrate particular traits or even references to scholars and works that have influenced your academic trajectory to show that you are familiar and insightful about the relevant literature in your field.

Just saying “I love plants,” is pretty vague. Describing how you worked in a plant lab during undergrad and then went home and carefully cultivated your own greenhouse where you cross-bred new flower colors by hand is much more specific and vivid, which makes for better evidence.

A strong personal statement will describe why you are a good fit for the program, and why the program is a good fit for you. It’s important to identify specific things about the program that appeal to you, and how you’ll take advantage of those opportunities. It’s also a good idea to talk about specific professors you might be interested in working with. This shows that you are informed about and genuinely invested in the program.

Strong Writing

Even quantitative and science disciplines typically require some writing, so it’s important that your personal statement shows strong writing skills. Make sure that you are communicating clearly and that you don’t have any grammar and spelling errors. It’s helpful to get other people to read your statement and provide feedback. Plan on going through multiple drafts.

Another important thing here is to avoid cliches and gimmicks. Don’t deploy overused phrases and openings like “ever since I was a child.” Don’t structure your statement in a gimmicky way (i.e., writing a faux legal brief about yourself for a law school statement of purpose). The first will make your writing banal; the second is likely to make you stand out in a bad way.

Appropriate Boundaries

While you can be more personal in a personal statement than in a statement of purpose, it’s important to maintain appropriate boundaries in your writing. Don’t overshare anything too personal about relationships, bodily functions, or illegal activities. Similarly, don’t share anything that makes it seem like you may be out of control, unstable, or an otherwise risky investment. The personal statement is not a confessional booth. If you share inappropriately, you may seem like you have bad judgment, which is a huge red flag to admissions committees.

You should also be careful with how you deploy humor and jokes. Your statement doesn’t have to be totally joyless and serious, but bear in mind that the person reading the statement may not have the same sense of humor as you do. When in doubt, err towards the side of being as inoffensive as possible.

Just as being too intimate in your statement can hurt you, it’s also important not to be overly formal or staid. You should be professional, but conversational.

Graduate School Personal Statement Examples

Our graduate school experts have been kind enough to provide some successful grad school personal statement examples. We’ll provide three examples here, along with brief analysis of what makes each one successful.

Sample Personal Statement for Graduate School 1

PDF of Sample Personal Statement 1 – Japanese Studies

For this Japanese Studies master’s degree, the applicant had to provide a statement of purpose outlining her academic goals and experience with Japanese and a separate personal statement describing her personal relationship with Japanese Studies and what led her to pursue a master’s degree.

Here’s what’s successful about this personal statement:

• An attention-grabbing beginning: The applicant begins with the statement that Japanese has never come easily to her and that it’s a brutal language to learn. Seeing as how this is an application for a Japanese Studies program, this is an intriguing beginning that makes the reader want to keep going.
• A compelling narrative: From this attention-grabbing beginning, the applicant builds a well-structured and dramatic narrative tracking her engagement with the Japanese language over time. The clear turning point is her experience studying abroad, leading to a resolution in which she has clarity about her plans. Seeing as how the applicant wants to be a translator of Japanese literature, the tight narrative structure here is a great way to show her writing skills.
• Specific examples that show important traits: The applicant clearly communicates both a deep passion for Japanese through examples of her continued engagement with Japanese and her determination and work ethic by highlighting the challenges she’s faced (and overcome) in her study of the language. This gives the impression that she is an engaged and dedicated student.

Overall, this is a very strong statement both in terms of style and content. It flows well, is memorable, and communicates that the applicant would make the most of the graduate school experience.

Sample Personal Statement for Graduate School 2

PDF of Sample Graduate School Personal Statement 2 – Musical Composition

This personal statement for a Music Composition master’s degree discusses the factors that motivate the applicant to pursue graduate study.

Here’s what works well in this statement:

• The applicant provides two clear reasons motivating the student to pursue graduate study: her experiences with music growing up, and her family’s musical history. She then supports those two reasons with examples and analysis.
• The description of her ancestors’ engagement with music is very compelling and memorable. The applicant paints her own involvement with music as almost inevitable based on her family’s long history with musical pursuits.
• The applicant gives thoughtful analysis of the advantages she has been afforded that have allowed her to study music so extensively. We get the sense that she is insightful and empathetic—qualities that would add greatly to any academic community.

This is a strong, serviceable personal statement. And in truth, given that this for a masters in music composition, other elements of the application (like work samples) are probably the most important.  However, here are two small changes I would make to improve it:

• I would probably to split the massive second paragraph into 2-3 separate paragraphs. I might use one paragraph to orient the reader to the family’s musical history, one paragraph to discuss Giacomo and Antonio, and one paragraph to discuss how the family has influenced the applicant. As it stands, it’s a little unwieldy and the second paragraph doesn’t have a super-clear focus even though it’s all loosely related to the applicant’s family history with music.
• I would also slightly shorten the anecdote about the applicant’s ancestors and expand more on how this family history has motivated the applicant’s interest in music. In what specific ways has her ancestors’ perseverance inspired her? Did she think about them during hard practice sessions? Is she interested in composing music in a style they might have played? More specific examples here would lend greater depth and clarity to the statement.

Sample Personal Statement for Graduate School 3

PDF of Sample Graduate School Personal Statement 3 – Public Health

This is my successful personal statement for Columbia’s Master’s program in Public Health. We’ll do a deep dive on this statement paragraph-by-paragraph in the next section, but I’ll highlight a couple of things that work in this statement here:

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• This statement is clearly organized. Almost every paragraph has a distinct focus and message, and when I move on to a new idea, I move on to a new paragraph with a logical transitions.
• This statement covers a lot of ground in a pretty short space. I discuss my family history, my goals, my educational background, and my professional background. But because the paragraphs are organized and I use specific examples, it doesn’t feel too vague or scattered.
• In addition to including information about my personal motivations, like my family, I also include some analysis about tailoring health interventions with my example of the Zande. This is a good way to show off what kinds of insights I might bring to the program based on my academic background.

Grad School Personal Statement Example: Deep Dive

Now let’s do a deep dive, paragraph-by-paragraph, on one of these sample graduate school personal statements. We’ll use my personal statement that I used when I applied to Columbia’s public health program.

Paragraph One: For twenty-three years, my grandmother (a Veterinarian and an Epidemiologist) ran the Communicable Disease Department of a mid-sized urban public health department. The stories of Grandma Betty doggedly tracking down the named sexual partners of the infected are part of our family lore. Grandma Betty would persuade people to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases, encourage safer sexual practices, document the spread of infection and strive to contain and prevent it. Indeed, due to the large gay population in the city where she worked, Grandma Betty was at the forefront of the AIDS crises, and her analysis contributed greatly towards understanding how the disease was contracted and spread. My grandmother has always been a huge inspiration to me, and the reason why a career in public health was always on my radar.

This is an attention-grabbing opening anecdote that avoids most of the usual cliches about childhood dreams and proclivities. This story also subtly shows that I have a sense of public health history, given the significance of the AIDs crisis for public health as a field.

It’s good that I connect this family history to my own interests. However, if I were to revise this paragraph again, I might cut down on some of the detail because when it comes down to it, this story isn’t really about me. It’s important that even (sparingly used) anecdotes about other people ultimately reveal something about you in a personal statement.

Paragraph Two: Recent years have cemented that interest. In January 2012, my parents adopted my little brother Fred from China. Doctors in America subsequently diagnosed Fred with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (DMD). My parents were told that if Fred’s condition had been discovered in China, the (very poor) orphanage in which he spent the first 8+ years of his life would have recognized his DMD as a death sentence and denied him sustenance to hasten his demise.

Here’s another compelling anecdote to help explain my interest in public health. This is an appropriately personal detail for a personal statement—it’s a serious thing about my immediate family, but it doesn’t disclose anything that the admissions committee might find concerning or inappropriate.

If I were to take another pass through this paragraph, the main thing I would change is the last phrase. “Denied him sustenance to hasten his demise” is a little flowery. “Denied him food to hasten his death” is actually more powerful because it’s clearer and more direct.

Paragraph Three: It is not right that some people have access to the best doctors and treatment while others have no medical care. I want to pursue an MPH in Sociomedical Sciences at Columbia because studying social factors in health, with a particular focus on socio-health inequities, will prepare me to address these inequities. The interdisciplinary approach of the program appeals to me greatly as I believe interdisciplinary approaches are the most effective way to develop meaningful solutions to complex problems.

In this paragraph I make a neat and clear transition from discussing what sparked my interest in public health and health equity to what I am interested in about Columbia specifically: the interdisciplinary focus of the program, and how that focus will prepare me to solve complex health problems. This paragraph also serves as a good pivot point to start discussing my academic and professional background.

Paragraph Four: My undergraduate education has prepared me well for my chosen career. Understanding the underlying structure of a group’s culture is essential to successfully communicating with the group. In studying folklore and mythology, I’ve learned how to parse the unspoken structures of folk groups, and how those structures can be used to build bridges of understanding. For example, in a culture where most illnesses are believed to be caused by witchcraft, as is the case for the Zande people of central Africa, any successful health intervention or education program would of necessity take into account their very real belief in witchcraft.

In this paragraph, I link my undergraduate education and the skills I learned there to public health. The (very brief) analysis of tailoring health interventions to the Zande is a good way to show insight and show off the competencies I would bring to the program.

Paragraph Five: I now work in the healthcare industry for one of the largest providers of health benefits in the world. In addition to reigniting my passion for data and quantitative analytics, working for this company has immersed me in the business side of healthcare, a critical component of public health.

This brief paragraph highlights my relevant work experience in the healthcare industry. It also allows me to mention my work with data and quantitative analytics, which isn’t necessarily obvious from my academic background, which was primarily based in the social sciences.

Paragraph Six: I intend to pursue a PhD in order to become an expert in how social factors affect health, particularly as related to gender and sexuality. I intend to pursue a certificate in Sexuality, Sexual Health, and Reproduction. Working together with other experts to create effective interventions across cultures and societies, I want to help transform health landscapes both in America and abroad.

This final paragraph is about my future plans and intentions. Unfortunately, it’s a little disjointed, primarily because I discuss goals of pursuing a PhD before I talk about what certificate I want to pursue within the MPH program! Switching those two sentences and discussing my certificate goals within the MPH and then mentioning my PhD plans would make a lot more sense.

I also start two sentences in a row with “I intend,” which is repetitive.

The final sentence is a little bit generic; I might tailor it to specifically discuss a gender and sexual health issue, since that is the primary area of interest I’ve identified.

This was a successful personal statement; I got into (and attended!) the program. It has strong examples, clear organization, and outlines what interests me about the program (its interdisciplinary focus) and what competencies I would bring (a background in cultural analysis and experience with the business side of healthcare). However, a few slight tweaks would elevate this statement to the next level.

Graduate School Personal Statement Examples You Can Find Online

So you need more samples for your personal statement for graduate school? Examples are everywhere on the internet, but they aren’t all of equal quality.

Most of examples are posted as part of writing guides published online by educational institutions. We’ve rounded up some of the best ones here if you are looking for more personal statement examples for graduate school.

Penn State Personal Statement Examples for Graduate School

This selection of ten short personal statements for graduate school and fellowship programs offers an interesting mix of approaches. Some focus more on personal adversity while others focus more closely on professional work within the field.

The writing in some of these statements is a little dry, and most deploy at least a few cliches. However, these are generally strong, serviceable statements that communicate clearly why the student is interested in the field, their skills and competencies, and what about the specific program appeals to them.

Cal State Sample Graduate School Personal Statements

These are good examples of personal statements for graduate school where students deploy lots of very vivid imagery and illustrative anecdotes of life experiences. There are also helpful comments about what works in each of these essays.

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However, all of these statements are definitely pushing the boundaries of acceptable length, as all are above 1000 and one is almost 1500 words! Many programs limit you to 500 words; if you don’t have a limit, you should try to keep it to two single-spaced pages at most (which is about 1000 words).

University of Chicago Personal Statement for Graduate School Examples

These examples of successful essays to the University of Chicago law school cover a wide range of life experiences and topics. The writing in all is very vivid, and all communicate clear messages about the students’ strengths and competencies.

Note, however, that these are all essays that specifically worked for University of Chicago law school. That does not mean that they would work everywhere. In fact, one major thing to note is that many of these responses, while well-written and vivid, barely address the students’ interest in law school at all! This is something that might not work well for most graduate programs.

Wheaton College Personal Statement for Graduate School Sample 10

This successful essay for law school from a Wheaton College undergraduate does a great job tracking the student’s interest in the law in a compelling and personal way. Wheaton offers other graduate school personal statement examples, but this one offers the most persuasive case for the students’ competencies. The student accomplishes this by using clear, well-elaborated examples, showing strong and vivid writing, and highlighting positive qualities like an interest in justice and empathy without seeming grandiose or out of touch.

Wheaton College Personal Statement for Graduate School Sample 1

Based on the background information provided at the bottom of the essay, this essay was apparently successful for this applicant. However, I’ve actually included this essay because it demonstrates an extremely risky approach. While this personal statement is strikingly written and the story is very memorable, it could definitely communicate the wrong message to some admissions committees. The student’s decision not to report the drill sergeant may read incredibly poorly to some admissions committees. They may wonder if the student’s failure to report the sergeant’s violence will ultimately expose more soldiers-in-training to the same kinds of abuses. This incident perhaps reads especially poorly in light of the fact that the military has such a notable problem with violence against women being covered up and otherwise mishandled

It’s actually hard to get a complete picture of the student’s true motivations from this essay, and what we have might raise real questions about the student’s character to some admissions committees. This student took a risk and it paid off, but it could have just as easily backfired spectacularly.

Key Takeaways: Graduate School Personal Statement Examples

In this guide, we discussed why you need a personal statement and how it differs from a statement of purpose. (It’s more personal!)

We also discussed what you’ll find in a strong sample personal statement for graduate school:

• A clear narrative about the applicant and why they are qualified for graduate study.
• Specific examples to support that narrative.
• Compelling reasons why the applicant and the program are a good fit for each other.
• Strong writing, including clear organization and error-free, cliche-free language.
• Appropriate boundaries—sharing without over-sharing.

Then, we provided three strong graduate school personal statement examples for different fields, along with analysis. We did a deep-dive on the third statement.

Finally, we provided a list of other sample grad school personal statements online.

What’s Next?

Want more advice on writing a personal statement ? See our guide.

Writing a graduate school statement of purpose? See our statement of purpose samples  and a nine-step process for writing the best statement of purpose possible .

If you’re writing a graduate school CV or resume, see our how-to guide to writing a CV , a how-to guide to writing a resume , our list of sample resumes and CVs , resume and CV templates , and a special guide for writing resume objectives .

Need stellar graduate school recommendation letters ? See our guide.

See our 29 tips for successfully applying to graduate school .

Ready to improve your GRE score by 7 points?

Author: Ellen McCammon

Ellen is a public health graduate student and education expert. She has extensive experience mentoring students of all ages to reach their goals and in-depth knowledge on a variety of health topics. View all posts by Ellen McCammon

Personality Traits Essay

The study of personality traits has always been a fascinating subject for researchers. In this personality traits essay, the author dives into the personality theories that explain an individual’s unique personality. From extroversion to conscientiousness, this essay on personality traits will explore the different elements that shape our behavior and interactions with the world. The paper aims to comprehensively understand the complexity of human personality and its impact on our daily lives.

Introduction

Research/theories.

Different individuals are characterized by different physiological and psychological characteristics or values. Collectively, these factors contribute significantly to the nature of the behavior of these individuals. The term personality trait refers to these intrinsic differences in individuals that remain outstanding and stable throughout the life of the individuals.

In many individuals these intrinsic differences remain a personal and constant aspect that explains why the individual behave or react towards situations the way the do. Personality theories explain that individuals have distinctive and characteristic behavior which remains distinctive throughout a variety of situations.

Humans are in one way or another compelled to articulating a certain behavioral pattern and to identify or note differences in the way other people behave. (Emotional Competency, 2009).

Personality trait theories try to explain the differences in behavior patterns that are displayed by different personalities in similar situations. They as well try to explain why individuals behave differently in such situations. An individual can be said to be cheerful, talkative, cold, compulsive, and intelligent.

It can be noted that these personality traits remains more or less consistent over a long period of time or probably they last over a life time. What brings continuity in a person’s behavior characteristic is described as his or her personality.

Lexical hypothesis has found it extended application in describing personality traits. According to the hypothesis, people become used to characteristic differences more and more until they finally get engrossed into their languages of communication.

The hypothesis argue that the more important a difference is, the more people will notice it and the more they will talk about it and consequently they will invent a word for it. (Emotional Competency, 2009).

Researchers extracted from a list of 18000 words and came up with the Big Five Personality Factors. There factors happens to be very similar to the Five Factor Model of Personality. These Five Personality Factors includes:

• Extraversion. Examples include talkative, extroverted, aggressive, bold, assertive, unrestrained, shy, quiet, untalkative and confident.
• Agreeableness. Examples include sympathetic, kind, warm, considerate, cold, unsympathetic, unkind, helpful, affectionate and truthful.
• Conscientiousness. Examples include organized, orderly, neat, disorganized, disorderly, careless and sloppy.
• Emotional stability. Examples include relaxed, unenvious, unexcitable, patient, moody, temperamental, touchy, envious irritable and self-pity.
• Intellect. Examples include creative, intellectual, imaginative, philosophical, unimaginative, uncreative, unsophisticated and imperceptive. (Emotional Competency, 2009).

As earlier stated, personality traits last for long period of time and in many cases they extend throughout the life of the individual. Sources have shown that it is these personal attributes that form integration web among our communities. In the process of understanding oneself, it becomes substantially important for one to understand, accept and apply his or her personality traits. (Emotional Competency, 2009).

Social unacceptability is connected to social inclusion or exclusion from certain social groupings. The issue of exclusion or inclusion is a major decision the humans as social animals have to take care of. An individual is either included or excluded from certain social entities.

A different approach on defining personality trait aimed at identifying descriptive nouns. From this research, there was development of the Eight Factor Model of Personality traits. According to this model, the eight factors that are a part and parcel of people personality tarts are; social unacceptability, intellect, egocentrism, ruggedness, delinquency, attractiveness, liveliness and disorientation.

According to this development, characteristic traits such as lawbreaker, alcoholic, rebel, comedian, speculator, daydreamer, tough, dummy, moron, poet, aggressor and many others were developed. (Emotional Competency, 2009). The above eight factors can be seen to correlate with people primal concerns as follows:

• Intellect refers to the level of enlightenment in matters that affect the community at large. The levels of intelligency place humans at different social orientations. Sometimes the level of intelligence is seen as the levels of evolutionary advancement and therefore distinguishes humans that belong to a certain generational grouping.
• Egocentrism on the other hand relates to lack of empathy and concern for others. It sometimes can be presented as a false self-image or someone being overzealous.
• The fourth factor, ruggedness relates to aggression, dominance and hunger to attain power.
• Delinquency is more or less similar to cheating. The importance and effectiveness of cheater detectors within the society cannot be overemphasized as explained in the theory of reciprocal altruism.
• Sex and procreating are bonded together in this sixth factor of personality trait.
• Factor seven is related to attracting attention. This factor is termed as important in attracting attention especially from mates of the opposite sex.
• Disorientation relates to reliability and competence of a person. (Emotional Competency, 2009).

According to the developed theories, personality trait understanding are very critical if understanding different behavior patterns that are displayed by different persons is anything to go by.(Emotional Competency, 2009).

It is therefore important to understand ones personal trait so that if there is anything negative about how e behave, one can consider the possibility of averting from it. This is necessary because some of these traits are detrimental in the way we live and relate with those who live with us. (Emotional Competency, 2009).

Emotional Competency. (2009). Personality Traits . Web.

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Personal Qualities Essay Examples

The who am i reflection: a journey of self-discovery.

Who am I? In this reflection essay I'll explore my identity and values shaped by my family, experiences, and personal beliefs. People say that I am a very shy person, that I do not talk a lot. Although I might come out as a shy...

Resiliency and Adaptability: Key Traits of the Filipino Spirit

Values are something that disciplines a person’s attitude. It is a judgement of what is the importance of life. Human values guide the person on how to interact with other people. In line with this, Filipino values are set of values that Filipinos have historically...

The Power of Personal Qualities: a Reflection

Personal qualities are the unique attributes that define who we are as individuals. They shape our character, influence our actions, and contribute to our interactions with the world around us. Throughout my journey, I have come to appreciate the profound impact that personal qualities can...

Being Self-aware: Knowing What Are My Weaknesses Or Vulnerabilities

My qualities comprise of positivity, motivation, diligence, and love. I pick these four since I feel that I am most dependable in these parts of my life. Being sure is a huge factor in all that I do. I generally need to be cheerful and...

Values and Personal Credo Examples

Qualities are the properties that shape who we are as a person. There are many qualities which can change throughout life and there are ones which I believe will accompany us in our lifetime. As far as I am concerned, some qualities such as having...

Becoming a Successful Student: the Concept of Independent Learning

In this independent essay there will be an attempt to describe the concept of independed learning style and whether it is more useful to become a successful student. This essay is based on personal experience. So independent learning is a process and a philosophy by...

Exploring What Makes a Great Teacher

Great teachers are more than instructors; they are mentors, inspirers, and cultivators of lifelong learning. This essay delves into the qualities that distinguish a great teacher, examining the traits that foster effective learning, create meaningful connections, and leave a lasting impact on students' lives. By...

Introvert Vs Extrovert: Compare and Contrast Analysis

Have you ever wondered why some people keep to themselves or how others are super talkative? There are two kinds of people in the world. They are either introverts or extroverts. These two things can mainly be based on personality level, how your childhood was,...

Rap Vs Narcissism

In the article “Rhythm and Lyrics of Rap Music Do Not Change Narcissistic Personality State”, the authors Kristen Craft and Robert Elsner share their opinion that there is not a direct connection between lyrics in rap and narcissistic behavior traits. While it could be easy...

Personal Qualities of an Effective Manager

There are many defining qualities that individual must possess and demonstrate for a company to consider one successful manager; education, age, and experience are merely not enough. However, these considerations may vary depending on the size of the team or staff and the type of...

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